#I am walking so normally

[rulesforthedance]

Ok, but like, even though I need to get a lot faster at crew stops (and part of it was that I had to stop at like mile 2 to stretch out the hip that's been fussy lately--which was then fine the rest of the run, and part of it was that N got lost and was late to a crew stop, and part of it was that we are... not a finely-tuned machine when it comes to refilling the gd hydration bladder)... my pace was SO much faster by both moving time and elapsed time than it was in my Oct 2022 50k. DESPITE: 15 degrees warmer, 15 pounds heavier, doing it tired this time vs. rested then, and 1000 feet more climbing. I just. Got better at running far.

[nedlittle]

genuinely i think it's important for adults, especially in the plague times, to play pretend in our day-to-day lives. when i rub my back down with tiger balm so i can sleep without pain, i imagine i am a valiant knight tending to an old injury i received from a dragon. when i go to the store to pick up eggs and milk, i am a lone cowboy riding into town on a mission. when i turn my collar up against the wind i am a femme fatale who's killed 4 husbands and is scoping out a 5th. when i stomp around in the snow i am a doomed polar explorer. if being a little bit silly about my walk to the pharmacy helps me remember that life can be full of joy and whimsy, then so be it.

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[the0retically]

Chip with extreme vertigo from growing up on a ship and having his sea legs be the normal instead of walking on steady ground. He needs the constant rocking of the waves in order to match the persistent dizziness

He’s always tripping and falling over himself but on the sea the waves always seem to rock the boat perfectly so he can catch himself, however on land there’s none of that and it becomes increasingly apparent the more time they spend off the boat that it’s not just him slowly adjusting to being on land again but that there’s something wrong

Just Chip with vertigo but being out of the sea helps him

[bold-embrace]

Hobieee ♥️♥️

[esmes]

2023 revival todd/lovett + touch

[ladylingua]

this is an insanely out of touch take but it is my truth:

I think when there are big events happening there should be special subway cars reserved for people who aren’t going to those events and are just trying to go to work without having to be surrounded by people having a better day than you are

[juliangirlblancas]

[lunarharp]

silly things

[perfectlyripeclementine]

the best cure i've found for impostor syndrome is identifying the most incompetent person currently doing the thing you want to be doing. that is the bar. as long as you can do better than that person you deserve to be in the space.

[macksartblock]

Normal take my hand we’re going to therapy

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

[sneez]

palace storage rooms

[id: a digital drawing in a painterly style of an interior scene showing a wall hung with paintings. on the far left is a fraction of a portrait in a gold frame showing a man in a red doublet posing with a sword. the next painting is a smaller portrait in a lopsided wooden frame of a thin-faced man with long dark hair and a serious expression. the next painting shows the same man, now older and with a beard and moustache, dressed in black and standing with his hands behind his back; there is a spiderweb festooning the corner of the frame. the final painting is obscured by same man, older again and with grey in his hair, walking in front of it so he is framed within the picture. the scene is lit by a single shaft of sunlight which stops short of the figure. end id.]

[flecks-of-stardust]

[ID in alt text]

hi sorry still obsessed with this gif i got. it's so funny to me. my baby's little feets sticking out. the pearl in their hands. the slime mold 'walking.' the neuron glow receding. earlier i laughed so hard it hurt and it's still just as funny now watching this help

[latimeria-fell-from-heaven]

Lati have you seen Gallagher

He looks so hot but also pathetic at the same time

The thrown flowers, the broken wine bottles, I think this old man just got rejected from a date

it's ALWAYS the pathetic sleep-deprived men that are always the sexiest and most fuckable, they've always got those yummy thick dicks that hit deep and stretch you out nice n good <33

just imagine consistently flirting with gallagher and always making it clear you find him very attractive, much to his amusement and bewilderment. he's got several years on you and isn't exactly what he'd call a man you'd want to bring back home to your parents, but you don't care. you've always liked older guys with those scattered stubbles and washed-out appearances, and you really like gallagher's personality. sure you wanna have his fat cock deep inside and feel his heavy balls smack against your skin, but you also want to pull him by his loose red tie and press your lips against his.

[butchviking]

i hate being a mentally ill adult actually. i hate that there’s always groceries to be bought and housekeeping to do and work in the morning i hate that we have no space to feel it all i hate that we walk around acting normal. there are so many people i know who are clearly deeply unhappy with their lives and we make silly little jokes that allude to it but sometimes i want to grab them by the shoulders and scream ‘i know you are miserable!! we can’t keep living like this!! this is why people break!!’ im sick of this drudgerous apathy i want us all to be dramatic like when we were teenagers i want us to sob together and scream bloody murder at each other and tell each other we want to kill ourselves not as a funny post-ironic joke but because we all feel like that sometimes!! i want us to get fucked up on god knows what til we can’t open our eyes i want us to take care of each other instead of always taking care of ourselves i want us to be vulnerable i want us to hold each others hands in the ambulance!!