#I am tired and lonely heehee

[sunshinekid22]

It’s 4am, time to write a poem that’s been in my head

A continuation of Halsey’s Life of a Spider

[thepancakewitch]

I was like now that Twitter circles is gone, where am I gonna have an unhinged place to talk!!!

OH I KNOW.

Tumblr!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

hi welcome to my space B)

So cozy.

18+ themes ahead

OKAY SO.

I did nothing all day yesterday and it was totally awesome, but then like, I masturbated for like 3 hours and I'm like... hm, still could go for dick today huuhuuu!!!

I'm soo tired tho like everything caught up with me, the constant running around and stuff is sooo bad. 😣 I mean I love everybody and hanging out but I really need to manage my time better.

I also just like, wanna quit my job and get a new one but hrrrmrmrmmmm I don't know what I'd do heehee. I mean I do but I need to pay the bills soo. Serving doesn't sound too bad.

Yknow it's so weird like, you think that you know somebody and theeennn it feels like you don't!!

Idk I've meet q lot of guys that seem super interested in me and then just disappeared, like boo, how disappointing.

I know it isn't on me. But I am getting lonely again. I miss my ex a lot, I'm so glad we're friends still and I get to watch her blossom into a cute little pubby fob.

But it's like I still sort of miss pre-t??? Like that feels weird to say that person is gone and it's so complicated, like, there will never be that person again. It was a cardboard cut out but still. It feels like they died, and that's hard, but I'd rather her be happy than cling onto something that never truly was real y'know?? Like, I wanna clarify I'm not mad or anything it's just like wow there is definitely a loss I noticed happen recently. I would assume this is common!!!

Uhmmmmmmm what else... yeah I just don't wanna work this much anymore, my work life balance is shit and I wanna hold out for insurance reasons but maybe once I get everything done I need to get done, I won't work there anymore lol lol.

[fullmusicbardsquared]

Hayato Playlist Explanation

tee-hee :-]

Sole Survivor - Blue Oyster Cult

There walked a lonely man, Silent, mute, the only man Not knowing how, not knowing why Was he the sole survivor

Why should he be alive, Breathing still while others died And the only question Why was he the sole survivor

Sole survivor, cursed with second sight Haunted saviour, cried into the night Sole survivor, cursed with second sight Haunted saviour, cried into the night

Oh my gosh. This song perfectly sums up Hayato's terror and the burdening curse Bites The Dust places upon him.

Lullaby - The Cure

Lullaby is a terrifying song about the narrator being tormented by "the spiderman", who talks to him in an almost sweet manner, and it is fucked up and creepy. him and kira.

Three Imaginary Boys - The Cure

Close my eyes And hold so tightly Scared of what the morning brings Waiting for tomorrow Never comes

Yeah..

Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

This is one of those songs where the actual lyrical content comes second to the vibe it gives in my mind.

Cat People (Putting Out Fire) - David Bowie

He isn't the cat person, but I still feel like this fits part of his determination at the end.

Another One Bites The Dust - Queen

you know.

Tape Deck Ghost - The Microphones

I'm hiding here In the back room That's where I spend my nights Recording

While he isn't a ghost, he is kind of ignored by Shinobu and implied to be by Kosaku, based on what we see and some of Hayato's lines.

I Am A Rock - Simon & Garfunkle

Given how unpopular Hayato seems to be, I think he would have built up some walls between other people, even his parents.

People Are Strange - The Doors

About the same as I Am A Rock.

Private Idaho - The B-52's

This song is a little too upbeat musically, but the paranoia and fear the actual lyrics show is accurate. there's a theory that the song's imagery is inspired by this twilight zone episode, implying some escapism in it.

Runaway Boys - Stray Cats

it slaps <3 sorry man no logic here

Push Back The Hands - They Might Be Giants

You would give up your right arm to go back To when you had a right arm You'll need some muscles to move it backward Push back the hands of time

Broken glass is glittering like diamonds Can't hear yourself thinking over the sirens Push back the hands of time Push back the hands of time

Dawn breaks like a fallen vase Push back the hands of time Unwelcome vision of rosy fingers Push back the hands of time

It wouldn't help you if you'd had any sleep It wouldn't save you from the mission creep Push back the hands of time Push back the hands of time

Screeching tires but never a collision

I WILL NEVER STOP PUSHING THIS SONG AS PART 4'S ENDING BECAUSE OH MY GOD. THE FALLEN VASE = TEAPOT. BROKEN GLASS GLITTERING LIKE DIAMONDS. NO SLEEP JUST MISSION CREEP OH MY GODDDDDDDDD

Pet Sematary - The Ramones

This is mostly about Stray Cat heehee :3

Third Bomb - Yugo Kanno/the JoJo soundtrack

well like.. basically his theme.

Cat's In The Cradle - Henry Chapin

I feel like this is the closest to what little we hear of Hayato and his dad's relationship.

Childhood's End - Pink Floyd

You shout in your sleep Perhaps the price is just too steep Is your conscious at rest If once put to the test You awake with a start To just the beating of your heart Just one man beneath the sky Just two ears just two eyes

:(

[innocence4dayz]

heehee hoohoo here is a not so pleasant vent bc i am Frustrated ok bye

*hi it’s future me and this post is incredibly long holy shit i am sorry for anyone scrolling by*

god fucking damn i hate that i’m too much of a puss to say anything about this but i’m just so so so drained i HATE being on facetime for hours and hours and hours and it makes me more drained bc i play video games with my cousin on saturdays right? but the hours of being on a call the night before drains me and it drains me sm that i have to text my mom and tell her to yell at me to go to bed because i just want time to myself but i can’t tell her this because she might blame herself and think she’s the reason i’m tired but no this happens with everyone when it comes to phone calls like if i’m on the phone with someone for hours at a time then i’ll get tired bc idk it’s just how i am with phone calls and just,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i remember when we were in school and i was nervous to tell her that i WASNT going to sit in the room that has absolutely no wifi and no chance of meeting new people but then she’ll be all “oo i was so lonely without you here 🥺🥺 i don’t like the hallway mehmehmeh” like AM I NOT ALLOWED TO SIT IN OTHER PLACES IM TIRED OF BEING ISOLATED FROM POTENTIAL FRIENDS BC NO ONE FUCKING GOES IN THIS NERDY ASS ROOM LIKE I HAVE NO OTHER CLOSE FRIENDS OTHER THAN YOU and just god fucking please am i not allowed to have other friends?? am i not allowed to sit in areas that aren’t isolated from everyone i know?? am i not allowed to y’know, have some TIME to MYSELF?? AM I NOT ALLOWED TO LIVE NORMALLY?? and god ik i can just ask her hey here is a boundary but again she might blame herself and even if she doesn’t it’s been too long to want this phone call boundary now so i have to make up rules for us to not be on phone calls entire afternoons and ik this is my fault bc i just think what am i gonna do if i have a girlfriend living with me am i just gonna be drained from her presence 24/7? god i hope not. i just want to have interactions with people normally and i just want the courage to put simple boundaries on someone who will most likely respect them but i’m just too much of a wuss and i just am so sick of being drained and wanting free time to myself 24/7.

[kurobasu-writings]

hello admin-san, how're you doing? ;) can I please have an AkaMomo scenario post-Last Game..?? I really like the KuroMomo scenario you did, and you mentioned before you like AkaMomo, so yeah XD I need more MomoxEveryone content heehee. I hope that's ok but you can ignore if you want ^3^

i’ve been waiting for the opportunity to get to this one. thank you for requesting my pink babies. and thank you for enjoying the kuromomo scenario i wrote :)

~

It was all over. Jabberwock had lost, and Vorpal Swords stood as victors - a group of sweaty teenage boys, cheering and clapping each other on the backs as the stadium roared around them.

Momoi leapt up from the bench and raced towards those boys, her boys, cheering along with them and hugging every last one of them, no matter how sweaty and gross they were. They’d won! That was what counted. No, she didn’t care that Dai-chan was sweating all over the top of her head when they hugged, and she didn’t care that Tetsu-kun’s palms were wet when he patted her affectionately (even though sweat was really gross).

As a data collector, paying attention to this happy moment of theirs, she couldn’t help noticing that something was not quite right.

There was a bit of melancholy hidden in the brightness of Akashi’s smile, and although the others didn’t notice, she did. She always noticed.

When she went to hug him, she grabbed at his uniform and held him for a little longer than necessary. “Let’s talk later,” she said, looking up to meet his eyes. A flicker of shock ran through his own. “I know there are some things you think you need to sort out by yourself, right? Those can wait for now. We’ll celebrate with the others, and then let’s get ice cream.”

The cheering was still going on. His “okay” was so quiet she barely heard it, but then she smiled at him to confirm, and he smiled back.

After all of the celebrations were over, and once everyone had had a chance to bathe and change into clean clothes, Momoi took Akashi’s hand and dragged him away, skipping through the streets. They were both tired. They got ice cream together at the konbini and sat on a bench.

“I don’t want you to stress yourself out trying to think over what all of this means,” Momoi said, munching on her strawberry popsicle. “I want you to feel proud of this win and look back at it fondly.”

Not for the first time tonight, he looked startled that she had paid so much attention to him. “I am proud,” he said. “We’ve all come a long way since middle school. Right now, I am merely...uncertain as to what the future holds.” Akashi exhaled, and she watched his rigid posture sink just a tad. “Without another voice in here - ” He tapped his forehead. “ - paying heed to thoughts and questions I would normally brush aside, it feels...lonely.”

“You aren’t alone.” She moved to sit closer to him, touching her forehead to his shoulder and then offering him a smile. “You’re not alone anymore, Akashi-kun. Maybe it feels lonely without that secondary voice, but it is still there with you, helping you even if you aren’t paying attention to it anymore. Because it is you.”

There was a softness in his eyes that she hadn’t ever seen before. At first she assumed it was directed at his other self, but then saw who it was for when he smiled at her.

“Thank you, Momoi,” he said, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. His hand was warm. “You’re right. I’m not alone. I have you, after all, watching my back. Watching everyone’s backs.”

“Mm. Always.”

“Aren’t you ever lonely, Momoi?”

With a giggle and a shake of her head, Momoi got up to toss out her (losing) popsicle stick and then returned, taking both of Akashi’s hands in her own to tug him up onto his feet.

“No,” she said. “Because you’re watching my back, too.”