#I am the monster you created

[firebreath1ngb1tchqueen]

Whatever doesn’t kill me better start running.

― Sarah J. Maas, Queen of Shadows

[shepherdden8]

They're the same image

[galactic-magick]

Bestie you’ve rubbed off on me enough that now I can’t stop writing angsty fics 😭😭😂😂

I Love You, I'm Sorry: Viktor x Reader

Based off of this reply on my last Viktor fic:

@lillycore : Duddee, imagine after the final scene between Viktor and Jayce they just disappear (I refuse to believe they both died, I’m just going believe, until it’s confirmed, that they simply teleported somewhere else), leaving reader alone without a chance to confront Viktor and believing they both died. So now, reader is left to pick up the pieces of her closest friend and love of her life gone, while believing Viktor no longer loves her (he does though, he was just a little confused with everything, but he still loves her)

Words: 1.2k

Author's Notes: Thank you all so much for the notes and kind words on my last Viktor fic, it truly means the world to me as a writer to see so many people touched by my writing. I hope you enjoy this equally devastating part 2.

They’re gone. They’re really gone.

No family, no friends, not a single loved one of yours survived this damn war. All this world has done is take, take, take.

You’re haunted by the last time you saw your beloved Viktor—completely unrecognizable. He had turned himself into a monster, disappearing with Jayce trying to save him. You didn’t even get to say goodbye, you didn’t even get to tell him you still love him.

Or ask if he still loved you.

You don’t know what would hurt less, believing he stopped loving you, or believing he did everything he did while loving you.

-

“Why can’t she hear me?” Viktor shouts into the void. He’s been calling your name for what feels like an eternity, his voice no longer carrying to your world.

Jayce puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, “You don’t have vessels to speak through anymore. She probably thinks we’re dead. Well, maybe we are…”

“No, no, this can’t be the end,” Viktor shakes his head vigorously. “I have to get back to her. She...she needs to know I love her. She needs to know I’m sorry.”

He falls to his knees amongst the stars, cursing himself for everything. How could he choose the hexcore over you? Why didn’t he seek you out when he survived the explosion? How did he let himself descend so far into madness that he forgot about your importance to him?

He’s now desperate for you to hear him, pleading the forces that bind his consciousness to this astral plane for another chance. He searches this dimension he’s come to know so well, looking for a loophole or tear in the fabric, but it’s no use. Everything has been closed—his supposed eternal consequence for his abuse of power.

Jayce saved him from himself, a feat he will forever be indebted to him for, but what is the point of redemption if he cannot live it out in his own flesh?

Would there have been a body left for him anyway? Would you still have loved him as the monstrosity he became?

Why must he still be cursed with the full vision of the universe? He sees you continue your life so clearly, but he can’t touch you, can’t speak to you. Your form shines the brightest light he’s ever seem in this dimension, an achievement that is not easily matched. He wonders if you can feel him reaching out to you, some sort of spiritual pull back to him. He will do anything to find a way to talk to you again.

-

You’ve been having dreams—dreams you can’t explain. Ever since Viktor’s disappearance, he’s tormented you day and night, constantly occupying your thoughts without mercy. You can hear his voice, but it sounds so far away you can never make out the words. You just wish it would all stop. You wish you could just erase him and all of the pain from your memory.

Sometimes you still feel a presence, the feeling you used to feel when he was in the same vicinity with you, admiring you from across a room. It’s a familiar warmth that used to wash you with peace, whereas now it makes your heart ache. You suppose it’s a normal symptom of grief, subconsciously denying that he’s really gone.

You start to go through his things he left at your house, beginning with his various textbooks and notebooks he would bring over for studying. Seeing his scribbles and handwriting again brings tears to your eyes, a single drop falling onto the paper as you read.

You blink a few times, seeing a couple of letters on the page start to glow. You must be seeing things, hallucinating from sleep deprivation. You close the journal and open it again, but the glowing letters are still there.

You grab a separate piece of paper and write down each glowing letter, finding fifteen total.

“I - L-O-V-E - Y-O-U - I-M - S-O-R-R-Y”

This isn’t happening. It can’t be.

-

“It’s working! She got my message!” Viktor exclaims.

“How...how are you doing that?” Jayce asks.

“Tiny rips in space—not big enough for either of us to escape through—but certainly big enough to briefly touch that reality,” Viktor pauses, still waiting for a response from you, but it doesn’t come.

-

You close the journal and sob, praying for an end to this misery. Your mind is playing tricks on you, deceiving you to a level you never thought possible. Must you be haunted by this forever? Must you endure the aftermath of this trauma?

You open it once again, the letters still glowing, but they start to fade right in front of your eyes. A new set of letters begin to glow, so you write those down as well.

“I-T-S - M-E - D-A-R-L-I-N-G”

And then another set of letters.

“P-L-E-A-S-E - T-A-L-K - T-O - M-E”

Maybe you’re not imagining.

You’ve heard of magicians who can converse with the dead, and the possibility of other dimensional planes and universes. Viktor himself had some theories about it, although he never pursued proving them. Could it really be possible that your beloved was speaking to you?

“Viktor?” you say out loud. “Are you...are you alive?”

“I - D-O-N-T - K-N-O-W”

The pencil drops from your hand again as your head falls to the table. His consciousness is somehow alive, clearly, but there’s no way he can explain to you where he is and how to get him out one letter at a time. You’re nowhere near his level of intellect—even if he explained how to rescue him like you’re five years old—you fear you still would mess something up.

“Viktor...I can’t do this. You can’t do this to me,” you sigh, daring to look at the words again. “You abandoned me, and now my life is a living hell because of the destruction you helped cause. I want nothing to do with your war and stupid glorious evolution. So if you’re not here to take me away from this life, please go away.”

The same original words start glowing again, brighter each time they sequence:

I love you, I’m sorry.

I love you, I’m sorry.

I love you, I’m sorry.

“Love doesn’t do what you did. Love doesn’t abandon its humanity for power.”

Please forgive me.

“I do forgive you for everything, Viktor. That’s exactly why I need to forget about you, because I will never stop loving you and hurting for it if I don’t.”

With blurry eyes, you close the journal and throw it into the fireplace, regretting it almost immediately. You grab a stick and pull it out, your tears falling onto the soot-stained cover.

“Please, just...find a way back to me.”

I will.

[last-smoke]

“i hope you know we had everything” 🩸

[maleficore]

I've seen a lot of people talk about how the game doesn't give you any leeway when you play The Dark Urge, how it makes it very clear that Durge was A Bad Person, but I haven't seen it pointed out that Sceleritas seems VERY well versed in gaslighting the hell out of them and steering Durge away from any doubt or guilt in regards to their actions. Makes me think that they've probably had those types of conversations before because Durge actually always had a soft spot, only it got smaller and smaller in time. I have not had the opportunity to see the Heal cutscene yet, but I've got the butler in my camp now and he had some interesting things to say, like

[Durge: Can you tell me the worst thing I ever did?

Sceleritas Fel: There was one time you gave a beggar some coin while we were en route to the Devil's Fee.

Sceleritas Fel: You didn't kick him or spot on him or anything! I was so shocked I almost fainted!

Sceleritas Fel: I still have nightmares about it to this day. But I'm sure you only did so to lower the suspicions of the Flaming Fist. Surely?]

and it struck me because tossing a coin to a beggar is a bit of a thoughtless act isn't it? You don't put much thought into it, you just see someone in need and you do it. Out of empathy, generosity, something The Murder Incarnate should not be capable of. Sceleritas' uncertainty of Durge's reasoning for it totally convinces me it was NOT intentional. A simple act of kindness that slipped out.

ALSO

[Sceleritas Fel: The only way for a Butler to die is if we are not of use to our Master. But you have always needed abundant assistance.]

They always needed abundant assistance. Why? Because they kept slipping out of Bhaal's grasp? We know they did at least once, with Gortash. Maybe it was not the first time, maybe there are more "Letters of Forgiveness" tucked away somewhere.

To me pre-tadpole Durge is just terribly mindbroken and indoctrinated person hooked onto the sense of safety, purpose and acceptance of their dark side that the cultists and their father give them. Yeah they enjoy murder, gore and all that. That's the curse of their blood, but I don't think they were ever entirely consumed by it. Morality, guilt and empathy have always been there on the edge of their mind. Losing their memories (depending on player choices I know, but bear with me) was what they needed for them to be finally brought forward.

[lonelysa1lor]

Do you guys think that Vander went to the funeral/'burial' of those who died in the Day Of Ashes with Vi and Powder? Do you think that they were buried in the river? Do you think that Vander had to think about the fact that he'd tried to murder Silco in the same river just a few weeks or maybe even days before

[bigolbard]

Just finished the rewatch and I need November to be tomorrow because this was a bad idea and I need my soul to be crushed by S2 ASAP

I've wanted to rewatch Arcane for like a year now (I binged it three times through in a week and a half in June 2022) and I finally convinced my dumb ADHD brain to do it

Just finished Episode 3 and yeah this was a mistake, I shouldn't have done this

[brionysea]

I'm trying really hard not to just be The Complainer because that's an energy I don't want to bring here when I love (present tense; I rewatch it like 5 times a day) arcane season 1 so much but does anyone remember when powder was taken in by silco and being raised by this very utilitarian merciless 'the ends justify the means' type character made jinx turn out violent and merciless as well. and vi was horrified by her and the lanes were terrified of her and piltover was falling over itself trying to scapegoat her as the one bad apple of the undercity to kid themselves into believing that everyone else was perfectly fine with being treated as less than. and that contrasts vi after vander etc. died because she was raised by him and internalised the idea that no one wins in war and fighting back against systemic oppression isn't worth the damage it causes to your own community which is why she ended up working with cait and the council like vander worked with grayson. the people who raised them shaped them into who they are today but then in season 2 jinx has a daughter and she's suddenly completely normal and well adjusted and her attachment style isn't digging her nails in until she draws blood at all. like What. what happened. didn't things used to mean something

[heckyeahponyscans]

I found a 80s Hasbro Maxie doll at the thrift store, wearing 80s Barbie clothes.

My hot take is she's a better doll than any of the 80s / 90s Barbies. Vintage Barbie gets so idolized by modern doll collectors and frankly I don't think she is deserving of it, she always had awful hair, weird feet, and often unstylish clothes. Maxie's hair is like a dream come true, still silky after all those years (might be nylon?).

I guess that is in part why 80s Barbie is now admired, because 80s clothes of course looked very dated AFTER the 80s. So by not wearing them . . . she has more universal appeal. (I mean, some Barbie did have 80s clothes, like this California Dream outfit, but the poofy gowns and bright pink business suits were like "no occasion" clothes. Honestly anything extremely pink was not likely to be fashionable in the 80s, unless it was neon pink surrounded by neon blue and green.)

But that is also why Bratz destroyed Barbie in the early 2000s, the Bratz wore clothes in-fashion for the 2000s and Barbie didn't.

Anyway, I think Maxie could have been successful but of course Mattel sued Hasbro over her and that was that. I do think her name is extremely foolish, since the main word association with "maxie" in the 80s would be "maxi pad", aka a menstrual pad. (I dunno if people still call them that today?) She was probably named by a man.

[caverncrooner]

WIP comic, featuring my Durge Marko who faints in one breath every Act 3 encounter. Also, Astarion is NOT sexy. He is born for the circus. Thank you and good evening.

[vladdyissues]

hey so instead of being so deep in brain fog i keep using au and headcanon interchangeably and only realize hours later, howsabout i actually drop them vlad mpreg headcanons without getting derailed into using them in a narrative

-vlad loves control over others, including in bed. this is not in question. and a fight that derails into sexytimes, who doesnt love that. but what makes him totally fucking unravel is being pampered and tenderly made love to. he has to trust someone a relatively high amount to even fantasize about it, much less SUGGEST it

-thing is, thanks to AGIT, we now know ghost powers are hugely emotion based, and, well... in the state of mind he'd be in, plus his desire for a family? 100% conception rate, will manifest anything needed to put a baby in him. not that he would know this going in, of course, who has he ever trusted like that (had to delete a shipping narrative derail here, we both know who)

-until he actually starts showing or can otherwise feel the baby in some way, it's mood swing o'clock, and unless he likes the person he's interacting with, it's always set to "i am subconsciously noticing my vulnerable state and i will be making that EVERYONE'S problem". if he likes them, it's only set to that half the time, and the rest of the time he's clingy as sin

-an agitated mood swing affects the world around him. AKA reverse Torrent of Terror time!

-once he can actually interact with the baby in even a small way, he will be overwhelmed with pink fuzzy "~baby~" feelings more and more, and just go full fucking domestic. full tradwife, to reference the post that actually dragged me to this blog in the first place

-once he starts showing, attempt to place him in a social setting at your own risk

-these feelings help make up for the last month or so, where both halves of him get drained prepping the baby for coming into existence and the baby brain is fucking real, as are flareups of ghost powers akin to fumbling early days

-why in fuck would he NOT breastfeed, i ask you

-vlad would not initially see himself as the kind of parental where he'd have more than one perfect kid who he raises to exacting standards (that the kid will of course meet). then he actually has one and wants at least six more like it and really there's so much of his mansion he's not using--

-bonus: if he had chosen to gestate a clone rather than tube-grow one, it would have patched over the missing transformation data no problem, but that just was not where his head was at when it all went down (and maybe some day I'll write the AU where he's yearning enough to consider it and gets dani out of it)

further bonus: of course danny is into pregnant vlad, because i am certain these assholes have the exact set of kinks to be each other's type for however the fuck long they'll live (potentially forever). like a soulmate AU type thing but for kinky weirdoes

[alicentflorent]

They really did give half of nettle’s plot to soon to be war criminal white man who been lying about being a targaryen bastard so he can *checks notes* get attention and drink for free

[itspileofgoodthings]

remember when you hit the brakes too soon! twenty stitches in a hospital room! when you started crying baby I did too! but when the sun came up I was looking at you!

[kyurochurro]

Frankie Stein!! ⚡ Part 1 of 3 for my 2023 Howl-o'ween Monster High Series!! 🎃 >:)

(Draculaura and Clawdeen are next!! Stay tuned for them, I'll link them on this post later on when they're done!)

[langfield]

This is a pretty dumb question, but you're an interesting person so I'd like to see your perspective on it. I realize people tend to give flack to people in the fandom who enjoy games made by Deck Nine, due to their games usually suffering from the same issues and because the studio itself has the Nazi and sexual harassment allegations ehich are of course problematic. I don't think people who like DE and True Colors deserve harassment, you and other people definitely don't deserve harassment. If anything you seem to have far more grace and give it to far more than other people have. I guess I'm really wondering how do you go about navigating the conversation that is Deck Nine? Do you think it's s good idea to seperate the art and the artist, or do you have an alternate interpretation of it?

hello! thank you so much for the question ( which is not at all dumb, by the way! ), because i think deck nine’s mistreatment of employees is important to address whether one likes their lis games or not. i’ll preface this by saying that i rarely ever get involved in behind the scenes production for medias i consume, mostly because it never enriches or devalues the experience for me. there are, of course, interesting things to discern from the creators ; you can easily find out why maybe the latter half of a story fell flat, or why certain characters disappeared, and a bunch of fun little details like that … but that extra knowledge is merely icing on the cake for me, rather than a part of the cake itself. while the people behind a game are important, i’ve always put more weight into my own interpretation of events, which can either align with author’s intent or not. to me, media is always what you personally make of it, and as a very queer person in an extremely straight world ( whose opinions hardly mesh with fanon takes held as gospel ), i’m used to crafting my own stories within works that aren’t exactly what was meant to be displayed. don’t get me wrong! i’m well aware of the canons i indulge in! i can easily find out what a lis game was trying to accomplish ( given how unsubtle said games are ) i just might add my own spin or flavor to it. i think everything ever made exists to be interpreted in multiple ways : so pouring over companies and the conditions behind them aren’t exactly on my to-do list.

however, i am well aware of deck nine’s mistreatment of employees. i’ve read articles discussing true color’s shitshow and i follow a former double exposure writer who was laid off, one who has no qualms complaining about it and the impossible work conditions they were under. it is all very bad and very true, and that deserves to be acknowledged. anytime i defend double exposure ( or before the storm, or true colors ) i am never defending deck nine as a company! i do not care for deck nine like that, nor am i inclined to give them grace … the sympathy i give is always towards the actual employees, especially the writers of said games, whom fans are excessively cruel towards. it absolutely disgusts me when fans claim that the writers of de deserved to be fired before christmas because they did a ‘bad job’ -- when the reality is that the writers are phenomenal people who did their best to make a game and characters worth caring about. the flaws of double exposure is entirely based on how deck nine refused to let the writers breathe! they had to change the story seven thousand times because deck nine wasn’t happy, and because deck nine was betting on making a sequel, much to the dismay of said writers.

i, personally, do not understand people who hate before the storm, true colors, and double exposure simply because deck nine made it. while i support acquiring games illegally so as to not support corrupt companies, i think you should give these games a try regardless. many of the employees on deck nine who suffered through sexual harassment and general abuse have said that it brings them joy to see people love the games they worked on, or the characters they helped create. many have said that the writing that is praised in these games were decisions marginalized people on these writing teams fought for. the people deck nine has abused do care for the games they’ve created, and care for them passionately! :

the last two screenshots are rather important to me, as they prove that the writers do indeed understand the life is strange games and franchise. many claim they don’t, but they do! and they’re the ones who have fought to keep lis as lis as possible. they love these games and tried to do them as much justice as they were allowed. this is always important to understand, in my opinion.

so, where does that leave me? i think how i approach deck nine’s games is that i approach them as i would any other, out of respect to the employees who gave these games their all despite deck nine’s toxic environment. perhaps i’m far more lenient on the mistakes inherent in their games because i know the writers couldn’t make the games how they wanted, which would’ve probably be leagues better than the ones we got. i appreciate what these people fought to include ( like the topics of racism, empathy, and queerness ) and i condemn deck nine for what they’ve done, but i don’t condemn the poor employees for doing the best they could under impossible circumstances. their works are weak and aren’t even close to perfect, yet i find extremely enjoyable content within said works anyway. these employees have explicitly stated their thanks and desire for people to enjoy these games, so that’s what i shall do! it’s less of a ‘seperate the work from the author’ and more of a ‘the author isn’t just some soulless company, the author was people, queer and poc and otherwise, so it’s fine to acknowledge the abuse they faced while still connecting to their games as they have encouraged us to do.’ deck nine sucks. and maybe their lis games suck. but i find it more important to respect the victims behind the games who have made their opinions clear rather than feign activism by hating the games these victims poured their blood, sweat, and tears into, all while claiming i’m hating these games for said victims. that’s just my opinion, though! people can always do as they like, but this is how i deal with deck nine’s toxicity while also engaging with the lis titles they’ve created.

[hexesandroses]

I haven't been the same ever since I realized that "What Could Have Been" can be interpreted as a song about Silco's feelings towards Vander just as much as it is interpreted as a song about Jinx and Vi