#I am so tempted to switch the date because I barely studied and I feel like shit but i already suffered so much for this and then I would

[umilily]

I've been trying to get this fucking degree for 7 years, suffering basically nonstop, taking part in all my classes, even taking extra ones, I think at this point I more than deserve them just giving me my bachelor's. I've done ENOUGH.

[lokislytherin]

euphoria // vampire!jungkook

pairing: vampire!jeon jeongguk x human!reader summary: you’re scared of vampires - until one saves your life one night. word count: 1988 + 1808 + 

chapters: prologue / chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6 / chapter 7 / epilogue

The next few days are mostly uneventful.

Taehyung visits and shamelessly beats your ass at Mario Kart when he steals Seokjin's DS, only to have his older brother return and beat his ass in an act of revenge.  Taehyung begs for rematches, and the amount of times Seokjin wins is alarming.  That day, you learn that your roommate is surprisingly competitive when it comes to Mario, games, and Mario-related games.

You also meet up with college student Kim Namjoon, who has kindly volunteered to tutor you in math.  In the span of your one hour-long session, Namjoon manages to misplace both his wallet and his phone while rambling on about trigonometry and Greek mathematician/philosophers.  Thankfully, he finds both in the cafe booth you've been studying at.  You bear him no offense, but you're glad for the distraction your new friend's disastrous luck and tendency to babble offers you, if only for a short while.

Even though he tries not to show it in front of you, you can tell that Seokjin is still suspicious about what happened - or rather, didn't happen - the other night.  You shut your own worries down, telling yourself firmly he's better off not knowing.  If he found out that you met a vampire, he'd flip out and pitch a fit, or have a heart attack.  Perhaps he'd do both, and proceed to lock you in your room and never let you out without him being by your side.  He's never been good with horror films, but again, neither have you.

The next time you find yourself alone, it’s night-time again.  All your friends are busy – most of your friends from school are already asleep or being insomniac gremlins; Taehyung is doing some last-minute studying for a test the next day; you're not desperate enough to contact Namjoon, and not familiar enough with him either; and surprisingly enough, Jin is on a date.  Despite your initial irritation at him ditching your movie night, you’re happy for him – he needs to get out more, and his good looks deserve much better than to go to waste with him being a bachelor for the rest of his life.

You sigh as you attempt to brush out the tangles in your damp hair, envying Seokjin’s effortless beauty.  No matter what he does, he's flat out gorgeous, and he knows it, even if nobody else notices.  But you? You're not exactly society's image of 'drop dead gorgeous'.  All your previous relationships have gone to shït, even though you will admit that it was not your fault.  You glare at your reflection, and the girl in the fogged-up mirror glares right back at you.

You turn around, sick of looking at your messy, knotted hair – and scream.

There’s a boy.  In your bathroom.  A boy with dazzling blue eyes and gleaming white canines, a boy that doesn’t appear in the mirror.  A boy that clearly can't be human, no matter how much his other features almost lull you into a false sense of security.  

He grins.  “Hi.”

Did I mention the boy is in your bathroom? Had he arrived a few minutes earlier, you would've been naked.

You scream again, right in his face.  It’s the bloodsucker from several nights ago! You quiver upon realizing that his fangs are even sharper up close. He cute though, the voice in your head supplies helpfully.  It's not wrong. He winces, immediately clamping a hand over your mouth.  His skin is cold, cold as ice, whereas you are warm, face flushed with terror and mild embarrassment. Enclosing you in his arms, he carefully pulls you away from the mirror, setting you down on your bed.  Your eyes are wide, brain frozen in fear, body unable to move of your own free will. You seem a little less scared of him than he is of you as he pulls his hand away from your face, but reflexively presses a finger against your lips to shut off another scream from you.  You go cross-eyed at the contact.  Is he trying to kill you, or flirt with you?

Boys are confusing, you decide.

“Sorry if I scared you,” he says quietly, almost bashfully, “I keep forgetting I’m not a human anymore.” If he were human, he’d probably be blushing, but he’s not, and his face is pale, without any sign of a flush.  He looks a little paler than he should be, but that’s it.  He carefully sits down beside you, leaving a large gap in the middle.

“Thanks for calling me cute, though,” he says, incredibly forward but somehow even shyer than before (and shït, Y/N, you realize belatedly, he’s not supposed to be this cute! He’s dead!).  He doesn’t meet your eyes.  “You’re not too bad yourself.”

You finally gain control of your tongue (and your brain).  “I don’t mean to be rude, but who the fück are you and what the fück are you doing in my house?”

You know it’s probably unwise to swear at an undead being who could drain you dry of blood and life in less than a minute, but right now you’re too angry, scared (and honestly a little turned on) to care about that.  Besides, the vampire boy doesn’t really look like he could hurt you. “I’m Jeon Jeongguk, and I’m a vampire. I won’t hurt you; I swear.” You narrow your eyes.  The primal instinct inside your head still screams at you to run, even as you see how he looks a little lonely, a little sad.   “You’re still scared of me, aren’t you?” You nod, and he pouts.  Eyebrows knitted together, he closes his eyes in intent focus, and you watch in fascination as his fangs retract into his gums to reveal normal human teeth.  “Again, I’m really sorry for scaring you the other day.”  

He cracks a wry smile.  “I’m not me when I’m hungry.”

To your surprise, a giggle escapes your throat.  “You’re a vampire.  How do you know about Snickers?”

He looks wounded.  “Why wouldn’t I know about Snickers? I'm not too big a fan myself, but I still know about them.” He sighs.  “Believe it or not, I was human too.”

You resist the urge to hug the stranger upon hearing the sadness in his tone, instead just softly patting his arm.  “How old are you?” You blurt curiously.  The question’s been on your mind for a while.  He looks young, not much older than you are.  But how old is he really?

Jeongguk pouts.  “I hate it when people ask me that. I’m so shït at counting.” He tries anyway, counting with his fingers and looking confused.  “I was turned a year ago? I was twenty-one, but I haven’t physically aged since then. So, does that make me twenty-two, or am I still twenty-one? Am I supposed the years I’ve been alive for? But I should be biologically dead, because my heart’s not beating anymore and I'm fueled by blood and magic-”

He stops and sniffs the air.  “Actually, I think your roommate’s back.” He closes his eyes, sniffs a little more and promptly looks disgusted.  “He doesn’t seem very happy.”

You cock your head. “Emotions have scents,” he explains, “irritation and self-deprecation smell the worst.” He wrinkles his nose with a small pout.  “Werewolves can distinguish scents better, though.  They're like dogs, especially near the full moon.”

You coo inwardly at the pouty look on his face, and jump when you hear Seokjin's key twisting in the lock.  Your room is further away from the door than Jin's, and if Jeongguk can smell Seokjin from here he must have one hell of a nose.  Briefly, you're tempted to pull out some garlic bread.

“Well, that's my cue to leave.” Jeongguk smiles so brightly you're a little dazed.  He looks like a bunny - adorable - and it's so cute that you're squealing and dying on the inside at the same time. “Bye!”

That said, he jumps out the window.

You almost scream and throw yourself out after him, only to remember he's a vampire with far better reflexes than you.  You see him downstairs, a blur of black in the shadows.  He stops and waves goodbye, like an energetic puppy of sorts.  With a light blush on your face, you wave back.

You flinch away from the window as the door creaks and swings open, hearing a disheartened looking Seokjin stomping in. You hope he doesn’t notice the lingering blush on your cheeks.  You'd feel bad if you snagged a cutie and he didn't, after trying for so much longer than you have.

“I take it that the date didn’t go too well?” You ask, testing the waters as you walk out to greet him.  An angry and heartbroken Seokjin is never a good Seokjin to deal with.

Seokjin mumbles something unintelligible, and you hum to get him to clarify.

Seokjin throws himself onto the couch.  “She ditched. She didn’t even call, or text! I waited for an hour.  Alone. In the dark.” He sniffs, pouting.  “These dates are so stupid. I feel so stupid.  Why do I even bother anymore?”

You sit down beside him, patting his shoulder reassuringly.  “Oh, darling.” He’s a little older than you, but he’s used to your fond nicknames.  “You’ll find the perfect one for you soon enough.”

He huffs. “You say that every time,” he retorts bitterly. “Well, maybe you’ll find someone who appreciates you.” He sighs heavily, barely giving you time to move your arm before he flops backwards dramatically, almost boneless.  “I hope so too, Y/N.”

Seokjin switches on the tv, mindlessly flipping through the channels.

“Still up for movie night?” You suggest.

Your roommate nods gratefully.  “Hell yeah.”

You take the remote from him, laughing.  “Good, because I’m picking the movie.”

He groans dramatically.  “Oh, what a nightmare.”

You move to flick his forehead, but he ducks out of the way.  “Just for that comment, we’re watching Twilight.  Now get the chips.”

He obliges, albeit grudgingly.  Neither of you are big fans of the vampire movie franchise - or the books, for that matter - but your sassy jabs at the characters never fail to make Seokjin feel better.

You won't tell him about your ulterior motives - after a vampire named Jeon Jeongguk barreled into your life, you've never related to Bella Swan so much.

[mikauzoran]

Marichat: Serendipity: Fifty Marichat and Adrienette Kisses: Kiss Three

Serendipity: Fifty Marichat and Adrienette Kisses: ...goodbye.

“You’re really late tonight,” Marinette noted, switching off her sewing machine and getting up to meet him. “After eleven thirty, I sort of gave up on you coming. Is everything okay?”

Chat Noir hopped down from her loft, landing softly in a crouch on the chaise longue. “Yeah. Sorry. I got held up.”

Marinette dropped the skirt she had been working on when she caught sight of his chalky complexion and puffy red eyes that not even the transformation could hide. “Minou, you look awful! What happened? Are you all right? You’re not sick, are you?”

In an instant, she was at his side, hands all over his face, studying his eyes, feeling for fever.

He pulled away, retreating to her desk chair with a weary, “I’m fine” muttered back over his shoulder. “You’re not looking so hot yourself, Princess. Have you been crying?”

She looked away and down at the floor. “I had a fight with a friend. I hurt him, and there’s nothing I can do to make it better…no matter how much I wish there was.” She sighed, sinking down onto the chaise. “…How about you? Why are you so late?”

“I got held up,” he repeated numbly.

He’d been out with Nino and Alya until almost eleven at a Greek restaurant not far from school.

His bodyguard Victor had supervised and kept Nathalie abreast of the situation and the reason for the unscheduled outing. Nathalie had thought it best to keep it all a secret from Gabriel and had covered for Adrien. Then, Victor and Nathalie coordinated in order to sneak Adrien back into the Mansion without Gabriel’s notice.

After that, the delay had mostly been the fact that Adrien wasn’t sure if he wanted to face Marinette again so soon after the heartbreak, but…Chat Noir had promised to come again, and, to Marinette, Adrien and Chat Noir were two separate people; therefore, Chat Noir had no choice. He’d waited until the last minute so that he could get away with popping in and popping out with the excuse of her parents’ midnight curfew for the shortness of the visit.

“A friend needed me,” he added, suddenly seeing a way to get more information about this boyfriend situation. “Adrien Agreste?”

He saw Marinette shrink out of the corner of his eye.

“Is he okay?” she asked tentatively, fearing the answer.

Chat shook his head. “You kind of demolished him.”

She dropped her head into her hands.

“I found him having a meltdown on a park bench, and I was kind of concerned he was going to get akumatized, so I stopped to talk to him.”

Marinette folded in on herself even further.

He watched her trembling, and it felt oddly better to know that she was suffering too. He wasn’t alone in his misery. Maybe she didn’t love him, but she cared about him. This was tearing her apart too.

“When did you get a boyfriend?” he wondered masochistically.

Marinette suddenly went very still.

Chat frowned. “…Or…did you just make up the boyfriend so you had an excuse to turn him down without having to say that you didn’t like him? Were you just trying to spare his feelings? It’s not like you to lie, Marinette…and what you did wasn’t kind.”

She looked up, tears streaming down her cheeks once more. “I…didn’t mean to lie. It wasn’t exactly a lie. More like…stretching the truth.”

Slowly, he turned in her desk chair to face her, expression blank. “So…what is the truth? You found out he’s a real person with issues and a nerdy streak, and, suddenly, he’s not so appealing anymore? He said you said you’d liked him before. What happened?”

She shook her head vehemently. “You did.” It came out almost as a sob.

He blinked, composure crumbling. “W-What?”

She rose, hastening to his side and dropping at his feet.

“You,” she choked, gazing up at him with equal measures hope and despair. “You. For a long time, my heart was divided between the two of you, but about a month ago I decided that you were the one I wanted to be with, so…so I tried to let go of my feelings for Adrien. I haven’t been entirely successful. It was really tempting today to let him kiss me, but…I decided that you were the one I wanted, so…I told him I had a boyfriend who I cared about very, very much and wanted to be faithful to…hoping that it would be true soon.”

Chat could only stare at her.

His head was spinning.

Was this really happening?

“M-Me?” His lips tripped over the word. “You…want me?”

Marinette forced herself to meet his gaze. She was surprised at the confusion she found there, as if he couldn’t quite figure out the meaning of the words.

She nodded. “I do.”

Her cheeks were so hot, it felt like they would melt right off.

“I…Over the years, getting to know you better, I’ve seen what an amazing guy you are, Chat Noir, and I’ve developed feelings for you,” she confessed, and, even though she didn’t expect him to reciprocate, it was such a relief to finally get the words out.

He continued to gape down at her. “You…You’re picking me? Out of all the people you could date? Over all of them? Over Adrien Agreste? Even though you have feelings for him too?”

She nodded resolutely. “Yes. You’re the one my heart wants.” Her expression turned shamefaced, and a sheepish smile spread across her lips. “Sorry, Minou. I didn’t mean to spring this on you, and I know you’re not dating again until you feel like you’re truly over Ladybug. I’m not narcissistic enough to think you’d return my feelings, anyway,” she laughed self-deprecatingly, “so if we could just forget that this happened and keep being friends, I would be really grateful. Your friendship is so important to me, Chat, and I don’t want my feelings for you to mess things up between us.”

“What?”

His brain was having a hard time keeping up as she flipped his world on its head over and over again. After the hell he’d been through the last few hours, he’d never thought he’d taste happiness or know love ever again.

Marinette winced, taking his baffled exclamation the wrong way. “Please, Chat. Pretend I never said anything. We can just go back to how things were, can’t we?”

“No!” he shouted, shooting to his feet.

The desk chair was rocketed backward by his sudden motion, sailing out of the way and allowing him to drop to his knees on the floor beside her.

“Marinette, no!” He scrambled to clasp her hands in his own as they trembled. “Sorry. I’m doing this all wrong. I’m kind of a mess right now.”

“O-Oh?” She frowned, trying to follow his frantic bursts of words.

He nodded and then shook his head, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Sorry. Sorry. It’s just I’ve been a wreck since I found out about your supposed boyfriend because I am crazy about you, Marinette.”

Her jaw dropped.

He laughed in a slightly hysteric mix of emotions. “I’ve fallen for you too, so hearing that I was too late and you already had a boyfriend shattered me.”

“Oh, Minou,” she breathed, squeezing his hands. “No. I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay. I mean…provided you ask me out now,” he added with a snort.

She scooted closer so that their knees were touching. “Really? Is that—You’d want that too?”

He took a deep breath and looked her confidently in the eye. “Yeah. I’d want that. Honestly, I think I’ve had feelings for you for a long time now, so…” He licked his lips nervously. “…if you like me too, I’d like to give a relationship a try.”

An ecstatic smile broke out on Marinette’s lips, making her whole face glow. She giggled, unable to believe that this was happening…but then a twinge of doubt crept in, dimming her expression. “I should probably just ask you out before you change your mind, but…I know you’ve been purposely not dating the past few years.”

She grimaced and asked even though she didn’t want to, “…Do you think you’re ready now? I definitely want to date you, but I don’t want to rush you if you’re not ready.”

A soft smile slowly slid across his lips. “Thank you, Marinette.” His voice radiated warmth and love. “You’re always so thoughtful.”

He had told her about the breakup with Kagami as Chat Noir. Not naming any names, he’d confided in Marinette that he’d been trying to let go of his feelings for Ladybug and move on to be happy with a girl he’d harbored burgeoning feelings for. He’d told Marinette how he hadn’t been ready to date someone else, how he was still hung up on Ladybug, and how his feelings for her had soured and destroyed his romantic relationship with Kagami. Chat Noir had actually ended up seeking comfort from Marinette on the night Kagami had broken up with Adrien, and it was actually Marinette who had suggested that maybe it would be better for Chat not to date seriously until he’d gotten over Ladybug.

Chat gave Marinette’s hands a gentle, bolstering squeeze. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be totally over Ladybug,” he admitted. “There’s always going to be a little piece of my heart that’s hers, but I’m in a better place now than I was three years ago when I tried to date my one friend. Things with you are different, Princess. I think I’m ready to give this a shot.”

Marinette nodded, giddiness surging back. “Okay. Then…Chat Noir, would you go out with me?”

He could barely contain himself as a thrill of elation shot through him. “Yes,” he responded, releasing one of her hands so that he could reach up and cup her face. “Yes, yes, yes.”

Marinette surged forward to press her lips to his…only to be interrupted by his baton alarm going off, causing them both to jump.

“Wh-What’s that?” She blinked in confusion, still somewhat startled, as Chat groaned, grabbing his baton and navigating through the menus to turn the alarm off.

“It’s midnight,” he grumbled.

She continued to blink, uncomprehending.

He averted his eyes, explaining, “I set an alarm for midnight before I came over here so that I could use your parents’ rule about no cats in the bedroom after midnight as an excuse to cut our visit short.”

Regaining her wits, Marinette arched an eyebrow at her boyfriend. “Why would you want to cut our visit short?”

“Because you’d just broken my heart vicariously through Adrien Agreste with your sudden boyfriend-who-I-didn’t-know-was-me announcement,” he pouted. “I was still licking my wounds, but I’d promised to come see you, so I waited until the last possible minute to make an appearance and set a timer so that I could leave as soon as possible.”

“Oh, Minou,” Marinette chuckled, reaching out to tenderly stroke his hair. “I’m so sorry. I feel horrible about hurting you and Adrien. Can I ever make it up to you?”

Chat sighed, shrugging in an “it can’t be helped” manner. “Well, the romantic moment is totally ruined, but you could still kiss me goodbye,” he suggested, offering her his cheek and tapping it pointed.

“I guess I could do that,” she hummed, leaning in and pressing her lips to the spot.

Chat Noir and Marinette had been exchanging cheek kisses like that for months, but this kiss in particular felt so much more solid and certain than the others. There was no second-guessing the feelings behind it.

She pulled back, and a troubled expression quickly took over her face.

“What is it?” Chat prompted, tucking a stray bang back behind her ear.

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. Just…thinking about Adrien. I don’t know when he started having feelings for me, but…I must have been leading him on this whole time. He probably hates me now, and I don’t know how to fix things. I think I’ve lost his friendship, Chat,” she explained, voice shrinking.

Wiping away the pained tears once more streaming down Marinette’s cheeks with his thumbs, Chat cradled her face in his palms and shushed her gently. “Hey, Princess. It’s okay. Don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. I promise he doesn’t hate you.”

Hope shined through the tears blurring her vision. “R-Really?” she sniffled.

“Really,” he insisted. “I talked to him. He’s still very much enamored of you and eager to keep your friendship intact.” He knew he’d later regret throwing himself under the bus like that, but his girlfriend was crying, so he would worry about saving face as Adrien later.

She frowned, certain that she couldn’t be that lucky. “You’re sure?”

“Positive,” he assured. “Adrien is hurt, yeah, but he’s mostly beating himself up for whatever he did to make you liking him be a past tense thing, and he’s mortified that he read the situation wrong and tried to kiss you earlier. Hating you is far, far down on the list of his priorities.”

“Poor Adrien,” Marinette sighed, wilting, nauseated at the pain she had unwittingly caused. “I feel horrible.”

“Don’t, Marinette,” Chat coaxed, taking one of her hands in his own once more. “Just be nice to him going forward. Be his friend. Bring him pastries tomorrow.”

“You think he’d still want that?” She tentatively began to allow herself to believe things could be fixed.

He clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes playfully. “Come on, Princess. Everyone wants fresh Tom and Sabine’s brought to them. Keep up.”

Despite herself, she laughed, starting to feel better. “Okay, okay. I’ll bring him pastries. Be nice to him. Be his friend.”

He squeezed her hand. “It’s going to be fine, Marinette. You’ll see.” He leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek. “…Gotta go,” he apologized, getting to his feet and then helping her to hers.

“Come back tomorrow?” she entreated.

“Definitely,” he promised, giving her other cheek a quick peck. “Bye.”

“Bye,” she echoed, pressing another solid, anchoring kiss to his cheek.

Reluctantly, the new couple parted.

They lay awake in bed for hours afterwards, reliving all the ways their faces had heated, their hearts swelled, their stomachs fluttered.

[demialwrites]

Kitty Kompanion Ch 5

Genji hadn't been at the watchpoint for longer than a full day for the past month. Not having a work schedule for yourself, you lost track of what day it was.

You did offer to do paperwork, but Winston waved your suggestion off. "Athena does all that."

So you doubted yourself that Genji seemed be going on longer and longer missions. Overall, you were okay. Your breasts were so nice and full, and your stomach didn't have as many stretch marks as you had feared. You should have been grateful that you were safe and healthy. The piece missing from your heart disagreed. Whispered to you that it was unfair. You wondered why you should get out of bed, to face the loneliness. The tempting sleepiness pulled you back down. You closed your eyes, chasing the split second before unconsciousness that was free of any worry. The extra sleep had the opposite effect that sleep normally has. You spent the day feeling like shit and looking like it, eyebags and all.

You gave up training after falling and bruising your hip. Your centre of gravity had shifted without you noticing. You sat there, annoyed. You punched the floor, resentful that the further along you got, the more your job was becoming 'being pregnant.' You took your frustration out on Genji's cock when he was home. Making him lay back while you rode him until you tired yourself out. Your fingers gave you a less satisfying orgasm, and it was getting harder to reach properly. Genji welcomed your use of him, contentedly drinking in your curves with his hungry gaze. As soon as your thighs refused to obey you, he guided you back slowly with his hands at your back to avoid ripping his knot out of your cunt. Genji curled around your pregnant stomach to give love to your swollen breasts. These was some of your best times with him lately, because his knot locked inside you guaranteed some quality time. You traded tender kisses and discussed possible baby names until he had to leave again.

Genji noticed the growing length of his missions, as well, and picked up the habit of bringing you a small stuffed animal from each new location. Whether he stole them or bought them, you didn't mind. The theme was baby versions of animals whenever he could find them. You had amassed a sizeable amount in a short time. You lay in the bed, surrounded by the stuffies, because half its occupants weren't there most of the time anyway. You were wondering if Genji's presents were doubling as baby toys. He indignantly huffed when you asked him this.

Later he confessed to Jesse and Hanzo in the Orca that his scheme had been found out, and his brother had no sympathy.

"Don't be cheap, then!"

"It is called being frugal, Hanzo. You would go broke just trying to get a first date," said Genji, taking a jab at Hanzo's expensive tastes in cologne, bath oils, eyeliner, skincare, and separate combs for his hair and his fur.

"At least he pays for the things," Jesse pointed out, when Genji would have no problem stealing them.

"As if there is honour involved in something so insignificant," Hanzo said.

"There is to me," Genji growled. "Who is the one who is single, and who is not?"

"Genji's got a point, Hanz," Jesse said. "You might try bein' nice every once in a while."

Hanzo squared up with the cowboy, ears flat and his tail waving. His white teeth peeked out of his sneering lips. Jesse barely twitched.

"You should work on that attitude. It's bringin' team morale down," he drawled, casually puffing on his cigarillo with a finger and thumb holding it steady.

Hanzo picked a far away sniper perch to sulk in after the Orca landed.

"Sorry if that was unprofessional, Jesse," Genji whispered to him.

"As long as we stick to the plan and come back in one piece, you two can cat fight all you want."

Hanzo wheezed poorly contained laughter. He got a hold of himself and asked McCree if he plucked his joke from the dumpster they passed on the way over. Jesse took his cigarillo from his lips.

"Well, I'll be."

"He laughed," Genji said. His chest expanded with a deep breath. He let it out slowly, placing a hand solemnly on Jesse's shoulder. "I will make an appointment with Angela for him when we get back. He is clearly terminal."

"Do not!"

Jesse and Genji fell against each other, snickering quietly so enemies wouldn't hear.

Genji returned from that particular mission with a stuffed baby beaver. He found you napping with all the stuffies. What an adorable sight you made, with your pregnant belly protruding above all the stuffed animals. He had no idea you missed him so badly, and instead was drawn to join you for your nap. He added the baby beaver to the pile and then pushed some to the side so he could slot himself into the cuddle pile next to your body.

You would have remained in the bed with this surprise appearance of Genji, but you an immense need to pee and right now. You inched towards the side of the bed, dragging your extra weight along. It disturbed your bedmate. He shifted around and you stopped with your legs hanging off the side of the bed, waiting for him to greet you. Genji opened his eyes, hazy with sleepiness, and spied the stuffed animals.

"My kittens," he cooed, sweeping his arms inwards, gathering some stuffies to his chest. He curled up around them, his tail touching his chin, and went back to sleep. You could tell he was sleeping by his peaceful, steady breathing.

You were about to pee yourself, so you quickly used the bathroom. Then you swiped your phone from the bedside table and snapped a pic of Genji cuddling his 'babies.' You had no idea what was going on, but you had to save this.

You woke him, and he whined at you sleepily not to show anyone because he didn't remember talking to the stuffed animals at all. But too bad. Too late. The picture was already taken. Genji left for another mission, and now you had this darling photo to look at to comfort you while he was away.

"Hey, Angela."

"How are you feeling? You look tired."

You were on a first name basis with the pretty, blonde doctor now, and you knew the drill for your check-ins. You stepped on the scale, so she could record your weight gain. To be fair, a medical program was automatically recording all the data for perusal at Angela's convenience.

"I am, but I'm fine otherwise I think."

"That's good. I'm tired as well," she groaned and launched into some gossip. "Everyone is keeping me very busy. Did you hear that Tracer recalled into friendly fire for the fifth time in three months? She's doing her best under the circumstances, but...Ugh! And I'm trying to convince Winston to switch to natural peanut butter as a compromise, but he conveniently keeps 'forgetting' to buy a minifridge for it. Then I just about put Jesse's cigar out on his leg. Ahhh, but I have the best sleeps after days like that!" She grinned. "Also makes me look forward to seeing your healthy little baby bump in comparison."

"The Winston part might be partly my fault. I ate all his bananas a week ago."

"That's alright. He's an adult; it's squarely on him," she said, pointing at her shoulders. "Come, come. Sit."

You sat on the exam table.

"My favourite part! Hearing the tiny heartbeat." She took the stethoscope from around her neck. "Athena, bring up the audio feed for the mother to hear."

"Yes, Dr. Ziegler."

Angela played your heartbeat for you. Then the baby's. You got a little light-headed each time with the realization that a tiny life was growing inside you. You cupped your belly tenderly.

"Almost makes me want to give up being a doctor to have children," Angela said wistfully.

You looked up in surprise.

"What?"

She chuckled. "Got you!"

"Whatever," you muttered with a smile.

"You know what's next," she said. You did, lying back on the exam table so the medical equipment could scan your uterus. "Let me just quickly go over your stuff here..." she said, walking over to the console.

You waited patiently. You wished Genji were here, but that was no surprise.

"Wait," the doctor said. You sat up, already on alert. "Am I that tired? Did I forget you were having twins?"

Dr. Ziegler was squinting at the screen and rubbing her cheek in deep confusion, while you fought the urge to flail about in panic. No, you did not mention twins!

"Wait," she said again. This time you deflated onto the exam table, already done with the surprises. "This one is reading as a few weeks younger. That cannot be..."

You nodded to everything she said, trying to ignore the lack of blood flowing to your brain. Dr. Ziegler released you for now, intending to study the results of the scans of the second baby. You dumbly walked down the hallway with your hands to your baby bump, until a thought smacked you like a pebble to the head. Genji was still not here, again! You fisted your hands angrily and jogged back to your room. You paced back and forth at the foot of your bed. The object of your anger was out on a mission, again.

Athena had to say your name twice before you realized she trying to get your attention.

"Athena! Right, sorry," you said, depositing your rear on the bed. "What can I do for you?"

"An audio transmission for you from Agent Genji."

You adjusted the position of your feet needlessly and smoothed invisible wrinkles on the stomach of your shirt.

"Alright. Connect us, please."

Your beloved's voice spoke your name, warmly drifting down from the ceiling.

"You!" you seethed.

"What? I-"

"Another baby! Angela says I'm pregnant with a second baby! Appeared out of nowhere! ...I think," you added quickly. "I don't know..." A tsumani of angst came crashing over your anger, snuffing it. "And you're not here!" you wailed.

You tried not to be selfish and blame Genji for not being here, but you just did. You failed. You were overwhelmed and alone. You stared at the floor, waiting to be chastised for not handling it better. Genji had never lost his patience with you before. Maybe this time you went too far.

"You may have to explain to me again what that means when I arrive home. For now, go see Angela. Please try not to stress too much. We will get through this. Together."

"The transmission has ended," said Athena.

"Thank you, Athena," you said sadly.

"You're welcome."

"Together," was Genji's last word to you. Of course he had your back with this. You were foolish to think otherwise. Still, the prospect of two babies to take care of was daunting. Hopefully, Angela had an explanation of where the second baby came from, and soon. And maybe...she was mistaken about the whole thing. You had mixed feelings about that. For now, all your previous emotions receded, leaving you drained and raw. You fell back onto the bed, needing another nap.

[graygrams]

Marina Book: A Response

Dear Marina,

This had been a long time coming on my part. As a self-introduction, my name is Lily, I’m 19, and I deeply resonate with you as a person. I know that’s an incredibly bold statement to make off the bat, but I feel like saying I am a fan doesn’t quite get across the feeling I want to convey (although, I am also a fan. Love your music a lot.)

As an aside before covering the topics you discuss, I thought I should mention that Marina book is something of great importance to me. I have adored you for years, and you have helped me through many obstacles in my life through your music (which is a whole other story I hope to share with you one day if ever we meet face to face). Your music has played a big part in my life since 2011, however the reason I am writing this is because of the Marina book.

Have you ever had that deep connection to someone, a celebrity or public person, who you just know feels the same way as you do/thinks in a similar fashion? From my point of view, that’s the vibe you had been giving off these past 2-3 years. The content you have been releasing has only told me that you are an incredibly aware, kind, and genuine person who has dealt with life from the highs and the lows. And I strongly, strongly connect with you on that.

I feel like I should just jump in with the topic of social media. As a child born in the 90s (98), social media didn’t really become a thing (in my life, anyway) until I had just begun my teenage years. Us late 90s kids are known to be an amalgamation of two generations. We recall a childhood free of technology very easily, yet as we reached teenage-hood we learnt how to get soaked up in social media and how to use it. It quickly became a way for me to connect with likeminded people around the world (I was 12 at the time so by ‘like minded’, I mean people who also watched the silly TV shows I liked to watch.) I’d always been a slight oddball at school, not in a bad way, but my mother had always brought me up to be unapologetically me, and I was. I wasn’t particularly liked, I was teased a lot, but half of the time I was too busy having fun to notice. So finding similar people online was solace to me - and it quickly began to take over my life.

Connecting to people on the internet more so than to people in real life, I became one of those teens who was silent at school but loud on the internet, and I was liked on the internet - something I was not in real life. As you mentioned, the appraisal was what became an addiction to me. The need to be validated. As I got older, negative thoughts and self doubt began to creep into my mind, which affected my self confidence rapidly. I became depressed by 14, and lo and behold began the worst period of my life to date. Depression manifests itself in people in a variety of ways. For me, it was the all consuming version. A variety of external factors in my life are what triggered it, but I remember the two years I dealt with depression as being completely dark periods of my life. Social media was also a solace in that respect, I had a voice, and people listened - so when I talked about how depressed I was, people listened and cared. By the same token, social media helped me create a disillusioned version of myself to my real life friends as a happy person.

To cut to the important part, I hit rock bottom in 2013 and ended up in hospital. From then on, my journey of recovery began and it was oddly one of the most rewarding periods of my life. I received therapy, which matured me emotionally in many ways. When you talk about your views on social media/introversion/depression, I wholeheartedly agree. The Marina Book was able to do one thing - which was crystallising my thoughts into beautifully written words (a skill I have yet to work on).

The brief narration of my life above was a way in which I could express the situations which have shaped my current views on the topics approached in your writing. I felt it was necessary, because if I’d just sent you my thoughts below you’d probably think ‘now why the fuck does she think that?’, so take it as a disclaimer for whatever I’m going to write on below.

I’ll say one thing - I completely agree with everything you have said so far. On every topic. I have had the similar thought processes as you - deleting social media, exercising, meditation, etc. I suppose this is just my (similar) views on the topics. It makes me feel like a copy cat but I have nothing to say except expand on what you’ve said by drawing from my own experiences. I’ve been deleting social media on and off for about a year now. It’s a hard habit to shake, I admit, and now that I’m studying at University I’m finding it even harder to switch off, because socialisation nowadays mainly revolves around social media. (And I have FOMO for god’s sake!) Do you ever get the strong urge to get rid of your iPhone and switch to a Nokia? It’s an idea I’ve been toying with for a few months now and it only gets more tempting. I want to be more in tune with myself, I want to take care of myself. Draw, read, write, exercising, eat well, you name it. However it’s so easy to just lie on your bed flicking through instagram - and suddenly two hours have passed and you feel like shit and unaccomplished. It’s easy thinking all of these ideas, but the problem I have had is executing them. I’ve downloaded Moment, an app I’m finding incredibly useful, and I hope in the long term it’ll reduce my urges to waste ages on social media doing nothing but absorbing grey content. My screen time has rapidly decreased from an average of 4 hours to 1 hour now I’ve deleted Instagram and Facebook off my phone. I do also think people are beginning to shift towards awareness in regards to the traps & fronts people put up on social media. However I do also believe it’s going to remain as a platform people use to publish the best versions of themselves.

I was thinking one day about using instagram for the opposite purpose - broadcasting the worst parts of my life (eg. making a post when I was having a bad night or when my cat brings in a dead mouse again..!). It’s an experiment I would love to partake in, however I feel like it’ll go down like a lead balloon seeming as I don’t have many followers and people wouldn’t probably notice. And then I’d make a big post explaining my master plan and people would just say ‘Oh, okay. That’s cool I guess. Like!’.

I’m going around in circles here. What I’m trying to say is - I’m on the same page as you. I’ve settled in at University now so socialisation isn’t as important, so I’m definitely working towards using my phone a lot less and taking more time for myself (and my degree).

I deeply apologise for writing so much. I just have a lot of thoughts and although I’d love to make them flow nicer or compact them into more organised thoughts, I can’t help but just type everything out and hope you get the gist.

I also just wanted to talk about your post on being an introvert. I am one too, and although I love socialising I really value my alone time to recharge and reset. I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all to like your own company - I like mine too, very much so. I actually think that in the future I will continue to be a solitary person. For some odd reason (and I might be completely wrong), I can see myself being out of a relationship for most of my life. I’m 19, and I’ve barely lived, so this feeling might completely change. I used to think I’d be depressed forever and that wasn’t the case, so I might be wrong about this too. But I like the idea of going through life alone. I still have my really close friends who I adore spending time with, but I see myself being a person who is always moving about and never stays in the same place for an extended period of time. In that respect, I feel I will do all of that by myself and make friends along the way. And I see no problem with that. Turning down plans to spend time by yourself is guilt inducing at first, but once you realise it’s actually a normal feeling, you begin to allow wanting to take care of yourself. If I go out to an event I didn’t want to attend, it takes a whole day afterwards (maybe even longer) to get back to normal. So I’ve chosen to pick my battles - and it’s been so worth it.

I very much look forward to your next post. It’s nice seeing you travel in Japan too. It’s a beautiful country I would love to discover - I spent 4 months alone in China which was one of the most rewarding parts of my life so far, so no doubt you’ll emerge from your trip a new and improved person. As for your music, I’m happy you’re taking a break and doing things which are good for you. I don’t exactly know how the music industry works, but you might be put under pressure by companies (and fans for sure) to make new content. My opinion might not be the dominant one, but it still matters - but, don’t be rushed into it. I think what you’re doing now is essential for you as a person and an artist to grow, and I strongly believe you’re completely aware of that. I adore you as a person, your music is only a facet of the reasons why I respect you so much. Hell, you could become a florist and I’d be ‘yas queen’-ing it whenever you made a new bouquet. What I’m trying to say is that I, and other fans of yours, will support you in your future in whatever discipline you may wish to pursue.

I hope to meet you one day, truly. I feel as if we would get along and my instincts are (usually) pretty accurate. I find myself in London a lot so a tea in Sketch would be a lovely jolly old time.

Well, you asked for feedback and here it is…I apologise for the length!

Really glad to see you are well,

Lily Lara Gray (@LilyLGray on Twitter)