#I am so happy they have come further in recent times because trust me. Being in the early SNK rpc. and EVERY time you posted about ur muses

[teufelme]

Fr I spend so much time thinking about my muses and their survival verses that I forget they died in canon...

[hitomisuzuya]

OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This is my first time requesting and I wanted to ask for step brother Scaramouche Fluff for readers because they’ve been really stressed recently about school, 😔 (can we tell this is about me😭) I love your writing tysm!

Stepcest, even though it's fluff, DNI if it makes you uncomfortable. Scaramouche x fem!reader. Fluffy fluff fluff. Soft Scara.

Because everyone needs a little comfort and stress relief🥺

Scaramouche was two kinds of annoyed. Annoyed and really annoyed. With him, two modes of annoyance at the same time was possible. He was annoyed because you were sitting too far away from. He was playing video games in the living room, while you were in the kitchen busy with schoolwork. He played better his beloved stepsister was next to him, praising him in some way for playing well. (He also likes to have you by his side).

But, mode really annoyed was because every time he glanced into the kitchen, he noticed the following things snowballing despite your brave face.

Your fingers were starting to shake. Your breathing, though quiet indicated that your heart was racing. Your posture was rigid and stiff, your body coiling with stress.

Scaramouche did not like it when you were stressed. He knew school was demanding (not like he had to study much cause he got good grades effortlessly), but you were piling too much on yourself at once. And eventually it would to one thing.

One thing he couldn't stand.

One thing he started to hear the beginning to stages of: you started to cry.

His eyes snapped away from the TV the moment he heard the first soft sniffle. He froze, not even pressing pause on his game. He didn't even notice nor care that the monsters killed his character.

You were crying.

And he hates it.

"Scara, I don't know what to do," You said shakily, looking up at him as you hastily brushed tears away from eyes that were way too pretty to have tears like that in them, "It just keeps piling up. I dunno how I am going to get this shit done."

Scaramouche was already getting up off the couch to go to you. "Stop that," He said, and it wasn't said in a mean way. He just can't stand to see you cry. He hastily scooped up your books and notebooks, moving them all the way down the table away from you.

"Scara, I am nowhere near being done yet," You protested, reaching across the table for your stuff. Scaramouche hastily pushed it further down the table.

"No you don't. You are finished tonight," He replied firmly, "You have another week to get this done. What are you doing trying to do it all at once?" He raised an eyebrow at you.

"But Scara, I--" You tried to protest. He cut you off by putting a finger on your lips.

"You are coming to the living room with me," He added, taking hold of your wrist. He knew you looked and felt way too tired to protest or struggle anymore. "I am going to teach you how to play the videogame I just got."

"Scara, I'm not going to be any good. It's a first person shooter, I'm not good at those," However, your feeble protest as he pulled you to your feet fell on deaf ears. You looked more nervous, but in a cute way. Not a stressed one, which was important.

You absolutely were afraid of completely playing badly in front of him. How cute.

Before you knew it, Scaramouche seated you on the couch next to him, restarted the mission (with some quiet swearing at bullshit monsters), and handed you the controller.

You stared at the controller, unsure of what to do. The way his heart fluttered when you looked up at him for guidance. It was such a pure hearted, soft look. You looked at him like he was the only person in this world that you wanted and trusted to guide you.

Fucking hell he is so in love with you.

"I've got you," Scaramouche said, moving so that he sat behind you on the couch. He put his hands over yours on the controller, bringing your back to rest against his chest. "This is what you do, aim, and press A to fire."

His voice was like soothing velvet on your ears. You felt warm, and safe in his embrace. The tension was slowly ebbing out of your body. The rhythm of his breathing against your back quieted your heart rate. Scaramouche is the center of your world.

He guided your fingers on the buttons and joy stick for a bit. When he saw you get comfortable with the mechanics, he took his hands off of yours. He was proud you picked up the game mechanics so quickly. And you let out the cutest little laughs every time you hit what you were aiming at.

You are having fun. His mission was accomplished.

"That's my good girl," Scaramouche put a hand on your head, he always gave the best headpets, "Shooting like a pro," He peeked around to see the shy blush on your cheeks.

"Hey, Scara?" You said after awhile, handing him the controller, "Can I just watch you play for awhile?" You sounded sleepy. "I think one of the bigger bosses is coming up, and I don't think I can handle him."

"Scared?" He teased, smirking when he heard your shy squeak.

"No, I just want to watch you play for awhile," You looked away shyly as you moved to rest your head in his lap. It was always relaxing for you to watch Scaramouche play video games. You got to see his experience playing, plus your own experience watching the game.

Pretty good deal, honestly.

For Scaramouche all was right with the world. As right as it could be, anyways. You were by his side, tucked safely in his lap where he could protect you from, well, life.

Before long, you were asleep. Carefully, so as not to wake you, Scaramouche reached for the blanket on the couch and draped it over you. He would wake you up in a few hours to carry you upstairs to your room.

[thelreads]

After having a night to think about it, I don't like the direction this is going with Twilight being Melinda's therapist.

First because Twilight isn't a therapist. He's a spy. He's not trained in therapeutic techniques. I mean, even if he was, he shouldn't be handling the personal friend of his wife, that's a conflict of interest. But Twilight not only isn't a therapist, he has ulterior motives as an agent of WISE.

With his past therapy sessions, like with Anya's teacher, he could give advice with no ulterior motive because WISE didn't care if Anya's teacher has a happy marriage. But WISE has a very vested interest in Melinda and her marriage. How can Loid help her, if WISE is telling Twilight what he needs to do? What if Melinda tells Loid that she and her children are being abused, but WISE decides it's better to keep Melinda with Donovan as a source of information? What if WISE decides it's a better strategy to destabilize Melinda even further?

I think Loid and Sylvia would both want to help an abused mother, but I don't trust WISE's upper management. Melinda is basically a bomb that was dropped into their lap, only it's one that can be easily reprogrammed and lobbed right back into the lion's den.

This story is about war and people who do bad things that they think are right. Twilight having to grapple with seeing an abuse victim in front of him--someone who (just like his mother) is abused by her husband, someone who (JUST LIKE HIS MOTHER) has her own children she is trying to protect--and then being told that he has to manipulate her for his mission. No matter how WISE dresses it up, he will 100% be told to encourage her to stay with Donovan so they can get more info. There's no way they'd let him help her escape.

Twilight would come home to his wife and daughter and have to look Yor in the eye while knowing that her best (maybe only) friend--who Yor TRUSTED him with--is being used and manipulated by him. And even if Anya knows her Papa is a liar, if she peeks into his mind and sees him using a vulnerable Melinda for his organization's benefit... Just like Project Apple was doing to her.

I could see Yor forgiving Twilight for being an enemy spy if he manages to convince her that they're both working towards peace between the countries. But this would be a harder betrayal to swallow, post reveal.

HRGAH. I am gnawing at my arm like a wolf stuck in a bear trap.

I'm not that worried about Twilight not being a certified therapist because he has shown to actually understand his role, so he probably studied and is aware of what he can and cannot say, he might be even better than other therapists considering his observation skills.

Now the fact that Melinda might be used by WISE, now that worries me.

I feel this upcoming situation is gonna be a test of character for Twilight. He might be ordered to use Melinda to help further WISE plans to prevent war, but if he'll follow through is another thing. Hell, he might even help her and when WISE questions why he didn't manipulate her he can bullshit them about how she was too unstable and wouldn't be a trustworthy asset or how since she and Donovan don't even have a close relationship she can't provide anything useful for them. He is their best spy, they trust his judgment since he never put personal feelings before the mission so far.

I think we'll see what Twilight truly wants to fight for. It will be the same situation with Anya in the first chapter. Yeah he could've abandoned her when she got caught and went for another kid, it was the safest thing to do for the mission. But he didn't. Because he wants to protect others.

I trust him in that aspect. He has shown quite a lot of times he is not willing to hurt others for the sake of the mission. He didn't abandon Anya, he protected her from that professor who made her cry, when Donovan talked shit to Damian he subtly but decisively stood by Damian's side, and more recently, he didn't kill Yuri. Even though it was the safest course of action, even though nobody would ever know, he didn't do it.

Because it would make Yor sad.

Because he's here to save others, not hurt them.

So, I bet that he might start thinking about how he can use Melinda, but when he gets to know the state she's at, and how Yor wants to help her, he will come to his senses and do whatever he can for her.

Also, I don't think it is a conflict of interests because she's not family. She is his wife's friend, but since he himself is not her friend, he can still treat her, he just needs to keep both the professional as well as personal sides separated.

[gffa]

Okay, not to defend Gotham War or anything, but I think I'm talking myself into liking what I see it's trying to do. Starting with some great tags on this post:

#i get why people are hating on it i really really do. trust me#but TO BE FAIR... zdarsky has been making it overwhelmingly clear that bruce is SERIOUSLY unwell right now#like it's been nonstop Horrors for him for like. over a dozen issues straight. with no rest or time to process. and he doesn't have alfred#who was a HUGE part of his support system not to mention the finances etc etc#iirc there's even a panel that pretty much outright states that this is more of an issue of control than morality#and that includes the choosing sides thing like the batkids seem more concerned w how bruce is going off the fucking rails than#just the moral aspects#anyway (via @clownprince)

#Batman#Bruce Wayne#REAL#REAL REAL REAL#LIKE. Zur En Arrh is a LITERAL Defense Mechanism going Malignant at this point#Not only that but throughout Zdarsky's run there's been allusions to illnesses and Bruce Not Having A Good Time#Not Having a Good Time and Not Having Time At All to take stock of the sheer What The Fuck-ery that's been going on recently#Because it's been a CONSTANT steam of What The Fuck-ery nonstop#And the Worse is yet to come if one considers the future issues synopsis and the ''I am a Gun'' story by Zdarsky#(At most I'm a little bit concerned over how Zdarsky will try to wrap this up‚ but that's a normal concern especially about Comics)#(Especially Batman Comics considering how often Editorial likes to... do things) (via @kaosvrow)

I agree with so much of the criticism of Gotham War, especially that the arguments for or against Selina's plans are absolute garbage by characters who should be making better arguments and that the other characters are being used as bobbleheads instead of actually giving them their canon personalities--and, okay, I will also point out that in the VERY FIRST ISSUE, Selina's plan gets someone killed and so I'm willing to extend some grace that the story isn't trying to push forward that either way is actually right, I honestly don't think it's about that. I think it's a story about Bruce Wayne's mental state, because Zdarsky's been building this up for awhile now, like the issue immediately prior to Knight Terrors? Shows us Bruce's mental state is ALREADY absolute TRASH right then:

Zur-En-Arrh was already leaking through the seams of his mind, he was already feeling the impending doom of everything he cared about being burned away, that his mind literally couldn't watch his kids being happy and together and getting along without feeling like it was all burning to ash.

And then Knight Terrors happened, which was one more thing digging hard, boney fingers into his trauma, and he handled it pretty well in the moment, but it's such a giant, non-stop pile of stress on a mind that is already damaged to hell and back because of his trauma.

Further, the very first issue of the Gotham War storyline? The very first panel, the one that sets up the stage of what's going to happen, makes a very clear point about how this is about Bruce fracturing:

And then on the very next page, Zur-En-Arrh is literally stalking at the bars of the cage around Bruce's mind.

And then Bruce wakes up and it's immediately more establishing just how worried everyone is about him because so much has been piled on lately:

Bruce hides his missing hand from his family, just like he's trying to hide how scraped thin he is right now, and goes out on patrol.

Where his internal monologue is all about how defensive he feels lately, how he feels like the years are catching up to him, how nothing feels right but this, making it clear that Bruce is hanging onto Batman with a death grip because it's the only thing that feels stable to him right now.

And all of this is in the first TEN PAGES of the first issue, this is our set-up, this is our foundation, this is what we're being given to understand what this story is about. Then Batman #137 happens and it's literally ALL ABOUT BRUCE'S MENTAL SPACE, that Selina's plan is the catalyst, not the driving point behind all of it. Again, I'm in 100% agreement that the Batkids are acting like cardboard cutouts because you will never get me to believe that they didn't notice crime going down or that they wouldn't be pointing out that Gotham's wealthy are just going to start making their security lethal in response or that the Court of Owls won't step in, that this is not a long term solution to giving these people lives beyond crime, or even that a lot of them should be agreeing with Bruce, that they don't get to decide who is an acceptable victim. But the story isn't really about changing up the way comics deal with crime, it's about even the Batkids are framing it in terms of how it's about Bruce. Jason is really the only one who seems onboard with trying out Selina's plan, but even his confrontation with Bruce isn't really about that, it's about all their baggage, their fight immediately becomes about how angry Jason is at the way Bruce has treated him. This fight isn't happening because Jason's a true believer in Selina's plan, it's happening because he's angry at Bruce and Bruce is in a shitty mental place, after all the non-stop horrors AND feeling like he's been betrayed by the kids who he thought understood that people being victims wasn't acceptable, and so he lashes out at Jason.

When they fight, it's not because they're siding against Bruce, it's because he's become unstable and dangerous. The why of it doesn't matter, it's not about that.

(And I'm actually okay with the way that fight happened because I can buy that, for example, Cass might be holding back against him, she's a stronger fighter than he is, but he's being ruthless because of the state he's in, while she might be feeling more cautious.) When they fight, it's not because they're siding against Bruce, it's because he's become unstable and dangerous. The why of it doesn't matter, it's not about that. Even further, when Bruce fights against his kids, he's wrong and biased, especially in the fight with Dick, who he thinks has a sloppy offensive and doesn't know darkness like he does--to which Dick just immediately cracks him in the face because, yeah, Dick Grayson does know darkness and Bruce isn't as untouchable as he's trying to make himself seem (because being Batman is all he has right now).

I think it's important that it's Dick who defies his expectations here, because this story is building off context of what happened between Selina and Bruce, that they were truly together for awhile, they were about to get married--Selina mentions that it the first issue, it's a major thorn in that conversation when she throws out how she doesn't believe that Gotham needs Batman anymore, it needs her.

She's giving him what he said he always wanted, she's giving him the thing that kept them apart, he should be happy, should they head to the church now? Saying that he won't because he wants to be Batman more than he wants to solve the city's problems.

The failed wedding between them is important in part because of what Selina's saying here, illustrating that both of them are bringing a lot of baggage to the table but also because of what else happened during that storyline, why the context is so important. Because that storyline dovetailed into one about Bane wanting to take over Gotham and he needed Batman unstable and distracted, which was working after Selina left him at the altar, he was a mess. But you know what was saving him at the time, bringing him back from the ledge? THIS KID:

Dick was the one poking and prodding at Bruce with jokes and warmth and care and it was working. He actually got Bruce to cry in front of him, to release some actual genuine emotion!

Dick makes Bruce more emotionally stable, to the point that Bane had to hire KGBeast to shoot Dick in the head just because he was so good at stabilizing Bruce--this is also why Dick's the one who says he'll go talk Bruce down off his moral ledge in Batman #137.

So, it's Dick that has to be the one to defy his expectations in the fight, has to be the one who breaks through Bruce's offense and knocks him down in what feels like a betrayal even when it isn't, because this isn't a story about who's right and who's wrong, it's a story about Bruce isolating himself because he's mentally fractured to hell and back, because he's not trusting his kids, he's still hurt by Selina leaving him, he's still grieving Alfred's death, he's run ragged physically and emotionally and mentally by a series of exhausting horrors piled on him, he's lost his family's fortune, he's not even living in his own family home anymore. (I focus on Dick here as an illustration of tying this back to previous examples of Bruce crumbling and important context that the storyline is drawing on, but Gotham War isn't really specifically about Bruce and Dick's relationship, but more about Bruce's relationship with all his kids, like Tim and Jason and Damian all have equally important moments. But it's a very direct example of how his children are a huge part of his support system and draw him back from the ledge of being just Batman and back into being Bruce.) That's why the issue ends with Bruce getting the papers telling him that the bank sold Wayne Manor to Vandal Savage, because it's one more thing that's stripping Bruce Wayne away from the character, and leaving him with nothing but Batman and Zur-En-Arrh. Gotham War isn't actually a story about a war for Gotham. It's a story about Bruce Wayne going out of control and everything is written to serve that. The characters' fights are catalyzed by Selina's plans, but they quickly become about Bruce's relationship with the characters. The narrative makes heavy-handed points about Bruce feeling like he's losing his grip, that he's hallucinating and talking to himself, that he is extremely mentally unwell right now. Everything Zdarsky's been writing (like especially the "I Am a Gun" storyline right before Knight Terrors) has been building up to fracturing Bruce Wayne.

[weirdestbooks]

The Weapon and the Spy (Prologue)

Prologue (America) (Wattpad | Ao3)

Table of Contents | Next

Thank you to @jmysty4 for letting me write her wonderful countryhumans x 1984 AU.

America owed Oceania everything for what they had done for him since the Second World War. They had provided him with security, safety, and peace of mind as the world seemed to fall apart further.

Especially with what the USSR had been doing. 

The USSR’s invasion of Europe had been anxiety-inducing for America, as more countries struggled to fight him back, and the forces of Oceania’s organization struggled to protect their own.

Every time Oceania came to visit, they came with more bad news, and sometimes it felt as if the USSR’s power was overwhelming, so strong that nothing could stop it. Then Oceania would promise victories and provide them, giving America a sense of relief. 

America wished he could do more, but Oceania told him that it was their business, their problem and that America shouldn’t fight when he was so anxious and scared.

A small part of America knew they were right. He…he didn’t feel this way during the Second World War, but he did now. Oceania told him it was because the USSR had nukes. America couldn’t think of anything that could prove the organization wrong.

America hated it.

He had his people to look after, his states to look after, and he seemed paralyzed by terror whenever he thought of fighting.

So he was so grateful to Oceania, who fought for America and prevented him from being such a failure. 

America should have remembered that even great people like Oceania could be scared.

“The USSR has attacked your father with nuclear weapons,” Oceania said, worry on their face as they entered America’s home one dreary morning. America felt his heart plummet, fear flooding his body.

The USSR had used nukes against them. All of America’s worst fears had been realized.

Before he even realized what was happening, America was on the floor, gasping for air as panic flooded his body in a way it never had before. He felt light-headed; the only thing keeping him from panicking further was the solid weight of Oceania’s hand on his back.

“You’re okay. Just breathe,” Oceania said, their voice calm. America wanted to believe them; he really did. He had faith in Oceania to find a solution like they always had; he had faith in Oceania to figure out how to fix this because Oceania had never failed him before, and America trusted them with his entire being, but the panic refused to listen to logic.

Eventually, his breathing calmed.

“Are you better now?” Oceania asked. America knew they were trying to be gentle, but some annoyance still crept into their voice.

“I am. I’m…I’m sorry. I just…I had prayed and hoped it wouldn’t come to this,” America said, trying to give Oceania a reassuring smile.

“I had hoped for that too. But since it now has, that means we need to take…measures I didn’t want to take before in order to protect ourselves. Just because the USSR has powerful weapons doesn’t make us powerless,” Oceania said, their voice reassuring America and subsiding the panic. 

Oceania was right. They knew what they were doing, and they had never let America down before. 

“What is it? I will be happy to help in any way I can,” America said. He knew his fear and cowardice had made him a pretty useless ally recently, but these were nukes, and it was his father.

America had to do something.

“Are you sure? I don’t expect you to fight, knowing…well, knowing…” Oceania cleared their throat, clearly not wanting to make any rude comments towards America. America appreciated the thought, but Oceania didn’t need to pretend.

“If he attacked my father with nukes, then he might attack my siblings and children too. I can’t lose them, Oceania. They’re everything to me,” America explained, voice breaking slightly. Oceania nodded.

“Then, would you be interested in becoming a weapon for me?” Oceania asked, tilting their head to the side.

“Oh, hell no! I’ll be willing to help, but that’s too far!” America said, leaping up with gritted teeth. Had Oceania lost his mind? America wasn’t some thing, some object for Oceania to make into a ‘weapon’! He was a person!

And besides…he was too much a coward to be good at fighting. Oceania had to know that. America…he could do something else. Logistics. Planning. Things that didn’t require him to fight.

If the war with the USSR had proven anything, the longer a war went on, the bigger of a coward he became.

“Of course not. It’s just a suggestion. But…don’t you want to protect your states from the other countries? They want to kill them, destroy them, and I cannot be everywhere at once. But if you let me help you, I can train you into a weapon that no one would dare cross and prevent them from ever attacking your states,” Oceania said. Their words soothed the anxiety and paranoia raging in America’s chest, a temporary balm to his fears.

His mind seemed to cloud over slightly as he thought about Oceania’s offer. Would it not be better for his states to have someone strong to protect them? Would it not be better to stop being fearful and instead take action to prevent it?

“You know this is the best way to help me. I can’t do this without you,” Oceania said, something strange in their voice. America’s mind clouded a bit more, and he opened his mouth and began replying before he could even think.

“Yes, it is. I’ll do it,” he answered. Oceania was right. They were always right. Why had America been so hesitant? All Oceania had ever been was helpful before, so why did America doubt him now? If Oceania said this was the solution, then it was the solution.

“Wonderful! Do you wish to start now?” Oceania asked. America nodded. If the USSR was getting powerful now, then he needed to start now. Otherwise, his cowardice would keep him paralyzed.

His head still felt clouded, but with Oceania’s hand on his back, everything still made perfect sense.

Oceania knew what was best.

America just had to trust him.

───────── 𓁺 ─────────

America didn’t know what to expect when Oceania took him away for training. The organization had been tight-lipped about where they were going, saying that it was better to keep it secret in case of spies.

The answer made sense, and America couldn’t think of any other reason why Oceania would hide the location from him, so America kept his mouth shut.

There was no need to question them when they were just trying to help.

When they finally arrived, Oceania had patted America on the cheek, introducing him to the soldiers who were going to be helping him. America was being given a private room, as he was a country, and overall, it was a very pleasant introduction.

America was still nervous about the idea of fighting. 

Oceania and America had talked about it a little before Oceania had to go, busy dealing with so many other countries and problems. While Oceania had told America that his family would be unable to contact him in order to keep America’s location protected, Oceania had offered to run messages when they were able to. 

America was proud to have them as a friend. They thought of everything.

America was quickly kept busy. He knew that the threat of the USSR was close; he had nightmares about it on a daily basis, but the men in charge of training him were determined to work America to death about the issue.

There were no breaks, no free time, just training, sleep, and food.

America felt miserable about it. It was exhausting. The only thing that kept him going was reminding himself of who it was for.

This was for his children, his siblings, his father, for everything currently under threat of nuclear weapons.

He was doing this for them. He hoped they were okay. Sometimes, in the few minutes between going to bed and being embraced by sleep, he would think about them, wondering if they were okay.

Oceania also banned any news from entering the training compound America was in. They were so paranoid about another attack, and as much as America wanted news, he knew this was just Oceania’s way of trying to protect him.

It didn’t stop it from being nerve-wracking.

At least the training kept his mind busy. America wasn’t given a minute of time to worry or speculate, jumping from one thing to the next in an orderly fashion. The schedule never changed; the same thing day after day.

Even though America had become used to the schedule, there were still rules he was struggling to follow.

The worst was how he wasn’t allowed to do anything without permission. He knew that the military needed order and that soldiers needed to learn how to obey their superiors, but in prior wars, America hadn’t been subjected to as heavy a regime as he was now. 

If he woke before the day was supposed to begin, he was expected to stay in bed until one of the commanders officially woke him up. He only was allowed to eat when he was told to. It was a hit to his pride, but he needed to do this.

This was for his family. They needed him to be able to protect him. 

And he needed to not be such a coward.

If he broke them, the punishments wouldn't be that bad; it would just be a reprimand for all the things America was already worried about. 

“War is imminent, and we can’t risk any mistakes in the arm, so we need obedience.”

“Your people are in danger, and this is the quickest way to help them and ensure you are trained as fast as you can be. Your protests and refusal to obey just make things worse.”

America has learned by now to swallow his pride. It wasn’t that bad. The order of the boot camp was…good for his anxiety. It gave him a sense of stability he had lost a long time before.

He was just being paranoid about things. He was letting his fears about the USSR make him afraid of the people who were just looking out for him.

This was in the best interest of his country—the best interest of his people.

This was going to help. Oceania said this was a good idea, so America trusted that it was, no matter how…strange or odd some of the decisions seemed to be. 

So, America let go of his paranoia and fears, and the strange feeling in the back of his head seemed to go away. It was less stressful to not think about any (unrealistic) implications of the training regime.

It was order, and it was comfortable to have that order.

America was going to be a good soldier. 

Then, his people wouldn’t have to fear the USSR ever again. There would be peace, and life could resume. He trusted that Oceania had a plan, that Oceania knew what they were doing.

So America played his part. 

It would all end well in the end.

───────── 𓁺 ─────────

America hadn’t been informed about Oceania’s visit. He had been walking to the dining hall, silently following his commander (because good soldiers only spoke when spoken to, and America needed to be a good soldier. It’s not like he had anything to talk about) when Oceania had appeared beside him, a worried look on their face.

America opened his mouth to greet them before shutting it, looking back at the commander. He didn’t know if he would get in trouble since Oceania was here, but it was better to check anyway. 

“I need to borrow him if you don’t mind,” Oceania said. The commander saluted and nodded before turning to America.

“Go with Oceania,” he ordered. America nearly rolled his eyes at that. He wasn't an idiot. Obviously, if Oceania needed him and the commander respected Oceania’s order, then America was meant to go with him.

Although…maybe he just wanted to reassure America and ensure that America wouldn’t face any punishment for following Oceania. 

America appreciated the thought. A break would be nice. His muscles were sore constantly nowadays, although America took it as proof that he was getting better and soon would be someone his states could be proud of, someone who could protect them.

Oceania gestured for America to follow them, and America did, and despite his burning curiosity about any news of his states, of the world outside of his camp, he kept his mouth shut. Good soldiers spoke only when spoken to, after all, and America trusted that Oceania would tell him.

And a small part of him really wanted to impress Oceania, to show them how far he had come from the cowardly little country he had been.

They walked into America’s room and stopped as America resisted the urge to nervously rub at his arm. He didn’t want to appear nervous in front of Oceania. His nervousness was what they were trying to fix.

“I am sure you are eager to hear what I have to say,” Oceania said. America nodded, hesitantly opening his mouth to speak.

“I am. I have tried not to think about my fears, but they still plague me at times,” America answered. Oceania nodded, and America relaxed, not even realizing he had tensed, grateful for the confirmation that he did indeed have permission to speak.

“You are right to feel some fear. It motivates you to do what you can to overcome it,” Oceanis said, “But I come here with news, not to talk about you.”

America nodded, feeling slightly chastised. He didn’t know why he wanted Oceania to be proud of him, but he did. Maybe it was because he was far away from the war, and while the other member states were proving themselves in combat, America was cowering an ocean away.

“I’m sorry,” America said, not knowing what else to say.

“The USSR is now calling himself Eurasia,” Oceania began, causing America to wrinkle his nose in disgust. Of course, he was. That bastard was egotistical to claim to be two entire continents. “There have been a few more nuclear attacks on Ai—on Britain, and…things could be better.”

Against his will, America’s fears began creeping back into his head, visions of his family being brutally murdered one by one in the US—in Eurasia’s bloody conflicts.

“Relax. I have a plan. We have also used nukes against Eurasia, and we are at a standstill right now,” Oceania said, “And your states are okay. I have ensured they all have safehouses to stay in so they are protected. I am using all of my power. But I can’t do this alone. I am stretched too thin. I need your help. You need to train faster and improve as fast as possible so I can use your help to break this standstill.”

America swallowed down bile in his throat.

“I can try. But…are you sure I’ll really make that much of a difference?” America asked. He didn’t want to let his family down, Oceania down, but he…he couldn’t be that important to the war. He was just one man.

“Of course you can. You’re better than any normal soldier due to your abilities, of course,” Oceania said. America felt a pit sink into his stomach.

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“Well, I mean, your healing. You can heal so quickly and take hits that no one else can. Do you realize how many lives you can save?” Oceania pointed out. America shook his head.

“I…I…I can only be pushed so far. Everything has a limit���even that. I know…I understand where you are coming from, and to a level, I agree with you, but I can’t rush in blindly and hope that my regeneration will be enough,” America explained. Oceania frowned, an expression that America had rarely seen on their face.

“I didn’t take you for a selfish man, not with who you are doing this for,” Oceania said, something bitter, something angry in his voice. America recoiled, lip curling into a snarl.

“Excuse me?” he asked. Oceania met his eyes again, and when they spoke next, there was a heavy weight to their voice.

“Isn’t it better to fight without hesitation when you can recover as fast as you can? It’s selfish to think that you need to be protected when you can heal faster than any of your states. You should be better than that. I thought you would be. You always seemed more selfless before,” Oceania said, their tone biting. America swayed slightly, blinking through his suddenly clouded mind.

“I…I…” America struggled to find words to defend himself. Was…was that really selfish? He thought that was better, saving it for when it was really needed. “I thought it would be better to preserve it for when it is needed most.”

Oceania shook their head, a disappointed look on their face.

“That’s something you can’t just preserve for later!” Oceania said, voice warping slightly in their anger. Oceania cleared their throat before sighing, “I don’t mean to get upset. I am just very worried about everyone, and I was grateful I could count on you to help me, but learning that you don’t want to for selfish reasons is just…I’m disappointed.”

America looked away, feeling guilt and shame well up within him. His head felt cloudy, and he couldn’t think of anything that would prove Oceania wrong. He wanted to help. He really did.

“I want to help. I do. I just…I never thought of it that way,” America said. Did his states think he was selfish? Or was this more proof he really was a coward, having the power to recover from all types of wounds and still hiding from war?

No wonder Oceania wanted him more involved.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure that now that you have realized how bad that kind of thinking is, you can move past it. I can have them implement that into your training, making you less hesitant and selfish,” Oceania suggested. America nodded before wincing as that action seemed to make the cloudiness in his brain hurt more.

“That sounds like a great idea, Oceania,” America said. Oceania smiled.

“I’m glad. I guess I was too harsh on you. It must be the stress. You’re always willing to improve when you have your flaws pointed out to you,” Oceania said. “I have one more thing I need to ask of you.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t know how your training has been done so far, but you need to prioritize being more ruthless than the norm,” Oceanis said, walking over to stand by America. America wanted to protest that idea, but the cloud in his mind made it hard to get out much more than a small “why?”

“They aren’t showing mercy, so why should you show them mercy? Ruthlessness isn’t wrong if it’s what is needed to win,” Oceania said, a gentle hand on America’s back. The cloudiness of his mind was so thick it was hard to think clearly. America nodded.

“You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. My brain is…foggy, I think I must be ill or something to be so irritable and foolish,” America said with a small laugh. 

“Well then, I’ll tell them to give you the rest of the day off so you can recover. It’ll give them time to adjust your regime,” Oceania said, gently guiding America to the bed, where he sat down, head spinning from the action.

“That sounds great. Thank you, Oceania. I mean it. Give my states my love.”

“Of course,” Oceania said, and with those final words, they glided out of the room.

───────── 𓁺 ─────────

America had long since lost track of how long he had been here. Every day felt the same, one blurring into another into another. Oceania had visited a few more times, each time pressing America more to finish his training faster, that they were worried about the states, about his father.

America gave it everything he had.

It was all he had. 

Oceania had been dropping off newspapers as well. Some of the papers America didn't recognize, as Oceania explained how some newspapers had shut down due to the war, causing others to spring up in their place. America was still alone, but at least he still got news.

Well, newspapers. He wasn’t exactly given time to read them. He didn’t need to read them, though; the commanders did, and they gave America plenty of reminders as to what was at stake. 

War was already in Oceania, and war was coming for his land. He needed to be ready to protect everyone. It was on him; Oceania needed him, and his states needed him.

The pressure on him was immense.

The training seemed to get harsher every day, as America seemed to make more mistakes than he did before. The punishments for doing anything without permission seemed to grow stricter as the commanders began to put a greater emphasis on obedience. 

“Armies are more effective when they are not made up of individual people, but rather when they are one mass that is obedient to their commander,” they explained. America was told this often. Although he was training without an army, he needed to learn how to be another face in the crowd.

It was important that he learn to be obedient to his commanders.

Not only that, sometimes they would tell America to do things without telling him why, and he was expected to do them without hesitation or further explanation. If he failed during one of those exercises, he was made to watch some stupid movie about the importance of obedience and overcoming hesitation.

It was all part of the training to help him be less selfish, more decisive, they explained. 

America guessed it was working. Each time, it became easier to do what they said without thinking too much about it. America didn’t feel more decisive, though, just…quieter.

But that had to be a good thing, with how the commanders had been commenting on how far America had come and how he was going to be a good soldier. America was happy about that. He was improving. He would be able to protect his states. 

All fi…all of them. America shook the fuzziness from his head, refocusing on his task.

If this was what was needed to protect them, then America would throw himself into it wholeheartedly. It didn’t matter what methods they used here. What mattered was that America would be a good soldier that could protect them.

His pride didn’t matter when it came to that. Nothing was more important to America than protecting them. 

America would be a good soldier. For his states.

No matter how harsh the training got, this was for the greater good. America understood that, and he trusted Oceania to take care of them until he was ready.

America just hoped he was ready soon. He felt anxious, not fully knowing what was happening to his states, and he would give anything to be ready so he could ensure they were safe.

Although, based on the way the commanders had begun to talk, that moment would be coming soon.

───────── 𓁺 ─────────

America didn’t find out Oceania had arrived until they walked in on one of his lessons. America had been using a knife to rip apart a dummy with brutal efficiency, something he had long grown used to and did almost subconsciously.

A lot of the things he did here he did without thinking.

But the odd thing was that Oceania didn’t talk to him, didn’t even greet him, instead turning to the commander as America continued running through the brutal motions.

“How soon will it be ready?” Oceania asked. It? What were they talking about? America couldn’t help his curiosity, even though he knew it was probably rude to eavesdrop. Then again, Oceania was talking about it right in front of America, so clearly, it wasn’t that secret.

“Soon,” the commander said, and America watched out of the corner of his eye as the commander nervously looked at him before whispering something to Oceania. Oceania frowned.

“Stop!” They then said, and figuring they were referring to him, America stopped what he was doing and pulled away, fighting down the instinct to salute Oceania as he turned to face them. Oceania then stepped towards America before they grabbed his chin, forcing America to look them in the eyes.

It was a rough movement, one that America was not expecting, but he forced down the urge to pull away or say something. He trusted Oceania. Oceania was doing this for a reason. It didn’t matter that it was humiliating and something America normally would have never allowed. America had to trust Oceania.

 He didn’t want to be punished for disobedience.

Oceania moved America’s chin around a few more times before releasing it, stepping back. America could still feel where their fingers had tightly gripped his chin, and he opened his mouth to move his jaw around to shake off the feeling.

“Close it!” Oceania ordered, and America's jaw was shut before he could even think. Oceania then turned back to the commander, and America stood as still as he could.

“So you say it is good at obedience and its purpose but has yet to fully understand what it is?” Oceania asked. The commander nodded, and America had a sinking feeling that he was the one they were referring to. 

But he wasn’t an ‘it’. He was a person, a country, the United States of America. America almost opened his mouth to say something but found that he just couldn’t, as if something had sealed his lips shut.

He…he didn’t want to disobey, but…what Oceania was saying concerned him.

But it was Oceania, so there must be a logical reasoning behind it, right?

“Yes. We are hoping that with a stricter training regime, it will accept what it is,” the commander said. America fought to keep his face neutral as he tried to figure out what they were talking about. Surely it couldn’t be him, right? But…they were talking about a training regime. And the only person here who had that was America. 

America was still frozen in position.

“I want it done now. Do whatever it takes to finish it, so long as you don’t break it,” Oceania ordered. “More than a stricter training regime. I can see how well that is working, but you have reached the end of its effectiveness.”

Oceania then leaned down and whispered something into the commander’s ear. The commander nodded as Oceania turned back to America.

“These next few weeks are going to be the most important in your life,” Oceania said, their voice full of the same heavy weight to it that America had heard in it so often before. “And it is imperative that you obey them and that you listen to them. Even if it makes you uncomfortable at first, just know this is for the greater good, and the sooner you help them by going along with what they tell you, the sooner your training will be over, and you can protect your states. Understood?”

America nodded, not sure if he had permission to speak, his mind feeling fuzzy. Oceania smiled.

“Good. I expect your training to be done when I return. If not…” Oceania trailed off, letting their words linger in the air as they turned to leave the room, giving one last order to the commander. “Start now.”

The commander nodded before turning to America.

“Come on. Follow me,” he said, and America followed him out of the room like the good little soldier he was. There was still an odd feeling in the back of his mind, but he was long past the point of no return. 

America trusted Oceania. They promised this would be for the best.

So America trusted it would be.

───────── 𓁺 ─────────

America was meant to become Oceania’s weapon.

It was a mantra that had been repeated to him again and again and again. The cameras around the facility were always blaring the message whenever America was training, serving as a permanent reminder of what he was meant to become.

He hated it at first. He didn’t say anything because he still wanted to be a good soldier, but he hated the message at first. It felt wrong. 

But America has been the one in the wrong. The nightly videos he watched explained everything, talking America through all his doubts and fears and how silly it was to not want to be Oceania’s weapon.

America understood that it was silly to want to be just another soldier. The army had plenty of soldiers. His states had been protected by soldiers for the entire war. What Oceania and his states needed was a new weapon crafted to protect them and hunt down their enemies with brutal efficiency.

America was to be that weapon. He understood now. That was why it was okay for people to call him an ‘it’ or not call him by his name. He was still just a weapon at the end of the day. A weapon that didn’t need to feel emotion or think when it was being a weapon.

After all, what weapon thought?

Ever since he realized that, he had done better in his training. 

Oceania’s weapon was efficient and it was brutal, and it would ensure that the states were protected.

It was still in training, though, because why have a good weapon when you can have a perfect one?

“Attack,” the commander said. Oceania’s weapon turned around, lashing out with the knife as it mutilated the dummy in front of it. It didn’t hesitate, ripping into the dummy again and again until the commander ordered it to stop. 

Stepping back, the weapon realized that a picture had been attached to the dummy, a picture of Britain—the wea—America’s father.

“Very good, weapon. You weren’t even hesitant, even though the dummy had a picture of an ally on it. You just obeyed your orders,” the commander said. America nodded, feeling vaguely dazed. He didn’t hesitate. If that had been his real father, would America have ripped him apart, too?

He was…he didn’t want to hurt his family.

“Wipe that expression off your face. Weapons don’t show emotion, and weapons shouldn’t be thinking while fighting,” the commander said. America was quick to slide his face back into the empty expression that had become so comforting, “We wouldn’t actually make you attack him. We just needed to test how much faith you have in the people giving you orders.”

America relaxed. Of course, that was what it was. Oceania wanted America to protect his family. They wouldn’t really have him attack his family. They just needed a good weapon.

America was going to be that weapon.

───────── 𓁺 ─────────

Oceania was very proud of how far their weapon had come when they came to retrieve it.

“You did a good job crafting it,” they said, as their weapon held out it’s arms for Oceania to inspect, “One could be forgiven for thinking that it had always been a weapon.”

“We’re glad it’s to your liking, sir,” one of the men said. Oceania dismissed him with a wave of their hand.

“There are still a few things that I need to fix up, but then, yes, I believe we have the perfect weapon here,” Oceania said, “Follow me, weapon. We’ll need privacy for this next bit.”

America let his hands fall to his side and followed Oceania out the door.

“What is my name?” they asked.

“Oceania,” America answered, his tone empty. He found it hard to express any emotion in his voice, something that was for the best anyway. Oceania clicked their tongue.

“Wrong. My name is Big Brother, and you will address me as such,” Oce—Big Brother said. America nodded.

“Now, what is your name?” Big Brother asked. America hesitated, unsure of how to answer that question. His name was America, of course, but he wasn’t sure if he should say that, considering he was training to be a weapon.

But it was the only name he had…

“Ame—”

“Wrong. You are a weapon. Weapons do not have names because they are not people. They do not have identities or anything like that. They are objects to be used and owned. You may have once been America, but you cannot be America if you want to be the weapon that ends the war. Only when war ends can you stop being a weapon and be a person. Now, what is your name?” Big Brother asked, their voice somehow squeezing its way into Ameri—into the weapon’s very being.

“I—I do not have a name because weapons do not have one,” the weapon said. Big Brother nodded.

“Better. Don’t worry. Soon, this will be second nature to you,” they said. “Now, to continue. Do you feel emotion?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because weapons cannot feel emotion.” the weapon answered. Big Brother smiled.

“Good. So if I see you expressing emotion?”

“That means I—”

“I?” Big Brother asked. Their weapon quickly corrected itself.

“That means the weapon is broken and needs to be repaired.” 

“Good,” Big Brother purred, their voice blocking out everything in the weapon’s mind as it seemed to consume everything, “One last question before we finalize the other faults and enter you into service. Do weapons think?”

“No.” the weapon stated. 

Big Brother’s smile widened.

───────── 𓁺 ─────────

Big Brother’s weapon still had a few flaws that needed to be worked out before it could be put into service. Big Brother wanted a quality weapon, meaning that they all needed to be worked out before it could begin it’s primary objective of protecting the states.

“The states are all in hiding due to the war and the fact that the weapon is not yet in service, so we must get it working as soon as possible,” Big Brother said, addressing the man who was meant to fix their weapon’s flaws.

“Of course. What do I need to do?” Big Brother then grabbed their weapon’s face, lifted it, and pointed to the mouth on it.

“I need the mouth sewed up. Weapons do not need to speak, so it is a useless feature that needs to be repaired, as it is impossible to remove it without damaging the rest of my weapon,” Big Brother said. The man nodded.

“Of course,” he said before preparing the supplies as Big Brother ordered their weapon onto a chair. 

The man then approached the weapon, a needle in his hands, and Big Brother’s weapon froze to ensure that the repair went as smoothly as possible.

Big Brother’s weapon held still as the needle punctured it’s lip. The doctor’s assistant held his mouth shut as the sewing continued, practiced movements that made it’s mouth sting.

Big Brother’s weapon ignored it. Weapons don’t feel pain. This was being done to increase the efficiency of the weapon. 

It stared ahead until the procedure was done, the last stitch tied off.

Big Brother dismissed the doctor before grabbing their weapon’s face, tilting it back and forth as they inspected the stitches. 

“Yes, you’ll be a much better weapon now that we’ve gotten rid of that little flaw,” Big Brother said before releasing their weapon’s face, turning to leave the room. “Follow.”

Their weapon stood up, and obediently followed Big Brother.

[roughentumble]

Did a Tarot reading for myself using my new Silicon Dawn deck from a friend! Decided to write up my interpretation of it, as a preview for my etsy shop

      2

3 1   5

      4

1 Theme

2 Present Situation

3 Influences

4 Challenges

5 Final Outcome

+moon card

1. King of VOID

The theme of my situation is absence. Emptiness. The card depicts a spacesuit with no body left inside-- a chariot without a rider. Maybe it's a happy ending and the spaceman has transcended the need for a suit, or maybe they were vaporized, but either way what we're looking at is the leftovers. Bitter and lonely and cold in the emptiness of space.

2. The High Priest

The High Priest in this deck represents wisdom, learning, the end of things, but also caution and wariness. Are you learning what you ought to? Should you trust your teacher? Perhaps the answer is yes, but take everything with a grain of salt. Where The High Priestess is directly experiencing the divine, The High Priest is the divine filtered through human interpretation and passed on indirectly. Second-hand knowledge of something bigger than the self.

3. Seven of Wands, Reversed

The feeling I've failed at some Great Potential has weighed me down, encouraged me to sleep amongst the snow, rest my weary legs in the worst possible conditions. I've gotten back up from this reprieve, and am dusting myself off, but the pain of feeling like a failure still haunts me and influences my every move. In conjuncture with 2, I'm seeking a teacher because I've felt so lost, and I need to be careful and not trust blindly in the first hope I find. In conjucture with 1, this reinforces to me a sense of emptiness that I'm perhaps seeking to fill, with knowledge and experience.

4. Two of Wands, Reversed

Change is about to happen, it NEEDS to happen, but I'm hesitating. The path diverges before me, but I don't place my foot on any one way, sitting instead at the crossroads. While 2 warns me not to trust just anyone, 4 tells me that I should trust SOMEone, the road must be started down if I'm to reach the end of it!I'll make a choice, and I'll change, and it may or may not be the best change but it will be MY change, and it needs to happen.

5. Seven of Swords, Reversed

The book that comes with this deck has the line "You really should stop before you go further down this road-- it just gets worse." To me, this card says that I will pick a path, and I'll change, and it will have been the wrong path. Perhaps the reversal indicates that I have some time yet to change my choice, to really think on who I follow, to avoid this outcome, but I also feel a sense of reassurance that a wrong path won't be the end of the world. It'll just be another setback in the great scheme of life. There's always a new way to approach a problem, and there will be a way out. I just have to go through.

Moon Card. Ten of Pentacles, Reversed

This card in this deck warns against being a dictator, against working all for yourself. Sometimes you need to be the big one tearing everything down, but most likely if you do that everyone in your life will rise up against you for your tyranny. Now, this deck DOES have a tendancy to tell me to tear down my life and commit my everything to some sort of deity that will burn me up from the inside with holy fire, but the reversal I think is trying to tell me that the different path I take should be one that is in service of both myself and others. I'll get more out of it if I learn how to move forward not just for myself, and allow some of my control to slip through my fingers. It won't fall apart if I get rid of my death-grip on the reins.

Lots of reversed cards, implying a lot of stagnated energy, and the suit of VOID makes an apperance, unique to this deck and implying an absence of something, to me it's an absence of motivation to move forward out of the reversed stagnation. Sevens can imply spiritual mastery, which is nice because I've been getting back into Witchcraft recently, but can also imply a sort of stagnation as well, where sixes are closer to completed cycles, sevens are one "off" from that, and sevens often have someone waiting for the resolution. Seven of wands sits in the snow and waits with the pain of failure, seven of swords waits for the fight they know they can't win to end.

OVERALL:

I find myself stuck in a pit of stagnation and pain, feeling like a failure. And my first steps forward might lead me down a path that ends in futility. But I still need to move forward and change, without a white-knuckle death-grip on my future. I probably will go down the wrong path at some point. The only solution is to accept it, approach the problem from a different angle, and continue to grow and change. Learn from the right teachers, pick your path carefully, and then move forward, because if you stand still you'll never go anywhere.

[joyandeggs]

OK I REALLY HOPE THAT YOUR WRITING REQUESTS ARE OPENN

i saw ur writing with knuckle and shoot, and im fan girling so hard right now 😭😭

(tw!!) been going through a tough patch recently. if you could maybe write head canons on how they’d react if their significant other attempted suicide, i’d be forever in your debt 😔

TW: Talking about sad stuff, suic*de, intrusive and depressing thoughts

Hey! I saw this the other day, and...can I just say how thankful I am? For you checking out my writing, and for wanting to message me. Seriously, thank you so much.

I am so sorry you have been going through a tough patch lately. To be completely honest, so have I. A lot has happened to me the past year or so, and it hasn't been that great. I get too deep into my own head, overthinking everything and letting awful intrusive thoughts take me over. Depression tries to get the best of me, especially when I genuinely feel like the world would be better if I was not here. That I have no purpose in life, that my loved ones really do not love me like I do them, that nobody would ever even care about me. All of that is not true. It is not true for you, and it is not true for anyone reading this who needs to hear reassurance right now. Absolutely not. I have been doing much better than what I was for a long time now, despite the new year personally getting to me. Life for me right now is just...unfullfilling, conflicting, and stressful. Hopefully, I will get through my own rough patch. It just takes time. In the meantime, I have been sticking to making my own happiness, taking it one day at a time, and trying to stay positive. It is what it is.

I will keep you in my thoughts. ❤���‍🩹

You Are Not Alone

Knuckle

Knuckle has had his fair share of his own awful thoughts. With his unspoken past, what all he has been through growing up and making his way to become a highly ranked Beast Hunter, he has come a long way to get to where he is now.

Seeing you attempt anything leaves him wide eyed, panicking over your safety. Heartbroken, shaky, holding onto for dear life. At first, he doesn't know what to do or say, other than think of how could you possibly want to do something like that to yourself?! You are too good, too special and too important to him and to others-- But of course, he doesn't say that. He knows you, but he doesn't know what all you're going through. The best thing that he can do for you right now is, if you are comfortable with it, hold you to his chest and quietly reassure you with calming words that he can manage at the time.

"_____... Please know that I am always here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, someone to sit with when your thoughts get to be too much, tell me. I don't care if it's the middle of the night or I'm in the middle of a mission, I will answer the phone if you call! ...You probably want me to shut up, huh? Heh, I can do that. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. How much I love you. Alright?"

Shoot

Shoot knows of these feelings well, and it breaks his heart to hear and/or see someone else going through the same. He has been through so much throughout his life, the struggles of becoming a Hunter, losing his arm, becoming stronger physically and mentally...

The moment he sees them attempt something life threatening makes him act fast. Don't. One word, and he is holding onto you, your hand, your face, or hugging you to his body. At first, he is going to awkwardly stand there and hesitate what to do, but that's just because he wants to know what he can do for you. He doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything by doing something you wouldn't want (if you prefer a bit of distance compared to actual touch and closeness.) Shoot just wants what's best for you. That being said, he will softly talk to you in order to distract you from any further bad thoughts.

"I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I know how hard it is. Trust me. I...I struggle with the same thoughts. You're not alone, _____. We'll get through this together. If you ever need anything, I will always...always be here for you."

[headphonesheadphonesheadphones]

i really need to actually do something with my dad but it was crazy waking up today contemplating how the break up is finally starting to feel like something defining and more now things are slowly starting to feel like I'm just living my own life and it's less all consuming for where I'm at. I looked back at videos from my birthday which was like 4 or 5 days after all the shit startinf happening and I felt like. that's an insane situation to be in, and i looked happy there because my friends were there. I realised now it has geniunrly been a while since my life has been "in that relationship" and now I can't imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with him and single because so much time has passed. It's actually kind of positive because although sometimes I deeply struggle with feelings of depression I do feel like my life is beginning to take shape and form and substance without him and my efforts are coming together. it was always just going to be time, but yeah. the difference between how intense and defining everything was to me then as versus now where I am changing myself and allowing lots of other things to change me that have nothing to do with him because we're not in each others lives.....it's really different. my posts from two or one months ago even feels so far removed from where I am now and as difficult as it sometimes is it is also different and in many ways easier. I'm used to him not being around, I'm creating myself and trusting mysrlf and backing myself and not being self conscious of the influence of another person -> restricting how I act or who I am, and I'm trying to find happiness in these things and wonder my path forward completely untethered from him. it's a gratitude to realise it's happening. If this is how I feel in 2/3 months post I hope for further healing in another 3 months. It is also possible I should go to a therapist to work out the complexity of it. I love living my own life ans valuing my own opinions first and foremost and not being tethered to another person and feeling weighed down by the percieved need for constant interaction or my love tying me to pain and feeling like i cant have one without the other. i think this has taught me i do think you can leave many things behind you never thought you could. I do think my life is much fuller and I have learnt things and had so much beautiful change alongside the most crushing pain and if i stayed where I was I would not have developed the parts of myself again that I value most. I never want to lose myself within that again. I think about the ways I felt lost and aimless and foggy and would get upset in that relationship and how much of my meaning in life i tied to meaning of loving another person because i never had enough time free from that relationship to geniunely pursue things for myself and be by myself. i hope this change will remain. my life feels so different now its crazy and all i really did was remove one person and start working really hard for myself, where sometimes that means applying for a lot of jobs or making food and sometimes just means hanging on through the darkness so you make it to the next day, even if you struggle emotionally to trust or feel it can be any better than how dark and hopeless it feels. my life feels so seperated and now that relationship feels so far away and not as relevant to who i am now, although recently it does sometimes well up within me and feel so close i could reach out and touch. things that we did together, moments that ring in my mind from a year ago, 6 months ago, feel like yesterday when i stand in the same spot and i feel like im there again. but im just over a year out of that spot and everything is different. but that moment crystalised in time by its importance to me feels like it lives inside of me so close i could embrace it, and then i keep moving even though i feel it. the morning at the train station we went down to the beach together, the drink he bought, the way we would meet and where i would wait for him because he always ran late. wahhhh.

[oraclekleo]

Hello Miss Kleo! It’s Lina!

I hope you’ve been well! I hope to be able to participate in your mini game today🫶🏼 The reading I liked best is “IM ideal partner.” I enjoy it because 1. I am a fan and 2. It’s his birthday today (or yesterday depending on when you are reading this)! I also wish him happiness much like all the other Monbebes around the globe. Reading about his ideal partner makes me hopeful he will find someone one day. He is a very hardworking man who deserves just as much love returned when he offers it. Without further ado, I hope to know “My near future love life!”

Hello!

Oh yes, I did some good I.M readings back in my days. He's my bestie's bias. We all wish him only the best in life. I admit he's very talented and hard working and it would be amazing if he could find himself a loving, caring partner. 😊

Thank you so much for joining this tiny tarot game! 💖

Let's do this!

Question: My Near Future Love Life!

Deck: Tarot of Casanova by Luca Raimondo

Card: Page of Cups

In your near future you might meet someone very sincere, loving and caring. They come to you with their arms open and their heart overflowing with affection. It's up to you whether you accept their offers for love. Be careful as Page is a youthful card in the deck, they might not be the most stable person just yet, still sort of exploring but willing to take you with them on the quest. They are fun and charming and make you smile like nobody could ever do. They might seem like they don't even know how to lie as they always blurb out everything on their mind, sometimes causing a bit of trouble but mostly making you laugh with their honesty. And they also welcome you to be brutally honest with them, never judging you. If you're not ready to meet such a person or to accept their company, this card might be advising you to become more transparent about your feelings and needs. There are things you might be hiding even from yourself. Stop censoring yourself, be sincere and accept your preferences. An example: Maybe you recently found out you really like reading Werewolf smut. Maybe none of your friends are into it but you just love it. Stop being shy about it. We all have our little guilty pleasure but there's actually nothing guilty about them. Indulge yourself in what you love. Maybe you are curious about sex toys. Go ahead and make a little research, get yourself one if you desire it. The world is a tough place to live in, do what's in your power to make yourself as happy as possible. Trust me, there will be plenty of time to feel miserable but now - feel joyful and excited!

[krahenschrei]

An Aquarius Opening Up

Random journal-ish entry because I need to get the feelings out somewhere or the Bees™ in my head will detonate.

For a whole lot of reasons I'm not the sort of person who likes to talk about their feelings or anything about myself that isn't like basic surface level things and that's kinda always been the case. I keep everyone in my life at a certain level of distance, some closer or further than others, but not my family, my therapist, or friends have ever gotten to any really deep layers of who I am or anything like that.

But something changed recently. I can't pinpoint when and I don't know if there was any specific trigger or if it just happened gradually without me noticing.

I've been with my boyfriend fo a little over two years now and I've always felt comfortable telling him mostly anything but even he unfortunately was held at a certain distance. Closer than anyone else has ever been, certainly, but still something in me kept me from letting down my walls entirely. I know part of my issue stems from having to be the strong one my whole life for everyone - family, friends, etc. - I was the tough, stable person that held it together for everyone else and made sure things were taken care of or at the very least, anyone affected by something was able to talk to me about their feelings and basically use me as a sounding board to process and usually that would turn me into the therapist friend as well. I was not 'allowed' to have the same courtesy though because if I spoke about my feelings, I was invalidated or made to feel guilty for expressing myself because I "made them feel bad" and was told more than once by specific people in the past that me just wanting to discuss something bad that happened "upset them" and I was made to drop it, even if it had nothing to do with the person I was talking to.

But lately I've found myself just saying things to my boyfriend that are usually things I would keep to myself. Nothing weird or bad, just thoughts and feelings that sit deeper inside me that I would've never expressed to anyone else. There have been times I've said things and realized it but felt no embarrassment or shame like I might have if it had slipped in front of anyone else. I've been taking stock of how I feel during those times and it's an unusual sense of calmness and just… being okay. Like I don't feel excessive happiness or anything, it's not a euphoric moment, it's just… natural and good. It feels safe. I have never in my life felt safe with anyone, not even family members that I knew did genuinely love and care about me - because I felt they would still betray my trust somehow at some point.

He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel okay. I feel comfortable and have this deep sense of understanding that there's no shame or guilt or fear here. There's no need to compete, no need to argue and debate to make my feelings be taken seriously or validated. There's no need to posture and express an unhealthy level of generosity in order to 'prove' that I'm worth keeping around.

Last year was hard. The first quarter of this year has been hard too for different reasons but now, coming into May, I just feel… good. I feel content. It's an unusual sensation. Trauma, mental illness, and just being an annoying air sign has made my whole life feel like a constant state of needing to prove to everyone around me that I deserve to be here, that I deserve love and care and to be heard, that I am not somehow less important than those around me just because I'm different than they are. There's just been these little moments for the last month or so that make me stop and think like… Yeah, this is good. This is right. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. This is what it should feel like.

I feel authentic. I feel like my genuine self thanks to him. I feel like for once, someone doesn't think I'm some alien weirdo that can't function properly and just doesn't try hard enough or feels things the 'wrong way.' I don't get into constant panicked states worrying if he's losing interest in me. I don't constantly stress myself out and worry myself physically sick about making some frantic display of reminding him that I'm there and don't want to be replaced and I'm good enough. I don't have to fight for his attention, he just gives it because he wants to, because he wants me, and I guess part of me is still learning how to accept that. No one's ever wanted me without it being conditional somehow.

It's a lot to process and there's still even more I haven't fully wrapped my head around. I hope I'll be able to give him that same sense of safety and acceptance. He deserves it. I hope I can love him as perfectly as he's loved me.

[strawberrymilk-sunshine]

The only choice

Love love love the idea of real-world fish biology applying to merfolk

Warning(s): yandere behavior, forced unconsciousness, biting

"You thinking 'bout that cute little betta fishy again~?" Floyd playfully asked.

"W-why would you think that...?" Azul asked, looking away.

"You've been quite obsessed with them recently." Jade said.

"I... suppose you're right..." Azul admitted. "But... I have no idea how I'd even approach them..."

"You 'don't know how to approach them'?" Floyd asked. "That's stupid. You have ten limbs, just grab 'em and make them talk to you."

"Grab them?!" Azul yelled out in surprise. "No- I-I can't do something like that to them! They'd hate me!"

"It may be your only choice, Azul." Jade said. "Use your venom if you have to."

"...maybe you two are right."

He's never actually... you know, spoken to you...

But that will change soon! Soon, soon, you'll be closer than you've ever been before.

You were a beautiful betta-mer with a dark blue and red colouration, your fins were like those things humans wear... what are they called again? Oh right, a dress! Your fins made it look like you were wearing a fancy dress.

Azul couldn't help but feel like he was in love with you.

You looked so... lovely. So he needs you to become his.

Maybe just... grabbing you like the twins suggested is his only option. Maybe he just needs to... paralyze you... and take you for his own.

That would be so easy.

You would be his.

You would be his soon, so soon.

As you were out for a short swim one day, you felt something grab your tail. You thought it was some seaweed, so you shook it off and continued along.

Then, it grabbed you again. And this time it tugged you back. Then it grabbed you a bit further up, and tugged you back with more force.

"Hello, (Y/N)~"

You turned around to see a merman with pale purple skin, grey hair and blue eyes. Instead of a tail, he had tentacles... you were fairly surprised, as octopus merfolk are quite the uncommon sight around here.

"Who... w-who are you...?" You asked.

"Oh right, you don't know who I am... my apologies for not introducing myself, darling." He apologized, placing his hand on your cheek. "My name is Azul Ashengrotto."

"Why did you... grab me like this...?" You asked, brushing some of his tentacles off of you.

"It's because... I love you." A blue blush spread across his face. "And this was my only option."

"What-? No it wasn't!" You yelled out. "Y-you had countless other options!"

"No, I didn't, (Y/N)." Azul stared into your eyes. "If I, an octopus, told you I was in love you... there's no way you would accept!"

Azul grabbed your arm, and his tentacles wrapped around your body, pulling you closer to him and keeping you from struggling too much.

"I'm sorry about this, (Y/N)... but I have to do this."

Azul bit you on the arm.

You screamed out in pain as you felt his teeth pierce your flesh.

You freaked out and tried to escape his grasp, but you couldn't.

"Don't worry darling, it's not a lethal amount." Azul assured you, letting go of your arm and lifting up his head. His teeth were coated with something... not blood, not ink... some kind of yellow substance. "Just enough to paralyze you for a short while."

You were breathing heavily, you could feel your body going numb, starting from where he bit you.

"Please, don't panic. It'll be ok if you just relax." Azul told you. "I'll make sure you don't die. You trust me, right?"

There was a horrible, throbbing pain in your head. Your chest felt tight. You were dizzy and felt like you were about to feint.

"You'll be just fine, darling." He seemed very happy with himself. "Oh! My mother will be delighted to meet you! Come on, let's go, (Y/N)!"

You could barely tell what was real.

As Azul pulled you along with him, he eventually realized that you were being suspiciously quiet.

"Oh dear, they're unconscious..." Azul said to himself.

You looked so adorable while asleep.

"I'm so glad I did this... because now I have you, here with me forever. All mine, only mine..." He sighed contently, pulling you into a hug. "It seems my only choice was the right one to make in the end."

[polyamorousmood]

My partner and i recently had a talk about polyamory stuff and like, we both agree that its just the thing for us. So some time they told me they had a requited crush, but of course thry wanted to ask me if its ok first and all that, which i said yes to because it really genuinely is!

But, i do get a little bit jealous and stuff, do you know like, ways to deal with it? Im sorry if this isnt the right spot to ask, im just a lil new to some of this and i also talked to them about my being a bit jealous sometimes, but im also afraid of coming off as like, pushy and whiny

Oh my gosh I'm so happy for all three of you! 🥰 And I'm sure you're really happy for your partner, but its still a big step, especially the first time! Its totally okay for you to have some mixed feelings and take some time to figure things out in a way that works for you all 💟

I do have some ways to help deal with jealousy I've found, and I encourage followers to weigh in too. Buckle up, cause I give long answers😅

Talk about it.🗣️ And you did! So you're already doing good! This is really stock advice, you'll hear it from any poly person you talk to, but that's because it really is that important. I feel like sometimes we just say "talk about it" as though that'll solve the problem though. It won't always solve the problem. Don't expect it to 100% solve it. There's more to it than just talking. I have a lot of thoughts on how to talk about things productively, so those will go below the cut.

Know your feelings really well.🧠 Metaphorically engage with them as you would a cat that doesn't know whether to trust you yet: be gentle, be curious, don't get upset with them for not reacting how you'd like. Try to observe the feeling from an outside perspective rather than sitting in the feeling and reacting to it. There's a lot of information on being mindful of your feelings available with a quick google, so I won't go into it any further than that, but you have to really know your feelings to be able to talk about them and to be able to know what exactly you need to work on (and what you may need to ask of your partner).

Be okay with feeling unpleasant feelings sometimes.😕 That's a lot easier said than done, and it'll take some practice. Over little twinges of jealousy, practice saying "ah, that's not nice. But no biggie. 🤷" and moving on. For bigger bouts of jealousy, it'll be harder, but the same method of acknowledging how you're feeling but not letting it rule you is still helpful. On that note..

Practice self-soothing.🌱 Your partner should be willing to help you with your emotions, but they are, at the end of the day, your responsibility. Say to yourself, out loud if you need to, what the "problem" is and an affirmation for yourself: "I am feeling jealous because they're having fun with [crush] without me, but they still love me and want to hang out with me, too." Say it a few times. Depending on how much it bothers you, it may help you to make a list of things that are special between you and your partner, or a collection of affection your partner has expressed to you for you to review when you're upset by your jealousy.

Distract yourself.🤹 Of course you're gonna feel like shit if your partner is out bowling and making out with someone but you're sitting at home, staring at the wall, feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for them to come back. Do a hobby, arrange to see friends at the same time, treat yourself to a dinner you like but you rarely have because your partner hates it, try something new. Make it into a positive time for you too.

Get reasonable accommodations from your partner.🤝 This will tie closely into talking it out, and this is harder to give definitives on because so much is going to hinge on what your partner is comfortable with and what exactly your situation is, but its totally fair of you to at least ask certain things not get mentioned if you know they'll make you more jealous than you can handle, for example, or you can ask for occasional reassurance they don't want to de-escalate the relationship. Your partner may not be able/willing to make every accommodation you ask for

With that in mind, back to talking about talking

"Talk about it" is near-useless advice if the conversation isn't mutually respectful and productive. What that looks like for you and your partner, you know better than I do, so please remember this is general advice and may need a good bit of tweaking to fit in your relationship. But in general, when I say "talk things through with your partner," that includes:

You and your partner should both enter the discussion from a place of non-judgement and (unless someone has crossed a previously established boundary) non-blame.

You and your partner should both understand what is happening with the discussion. Do you want to explore solutions, ask for a change, or just vent?

Part of that understanding, in a healthy relationship, will be that its you and your partner vs the problem, not you vs them.

Things should be allowed to change. Your feelings and the situation will evolve. You both need to be allowed to say "I thought this would work, but it isn't, I need to revisit this."

Not hiding shit. Even if you're not sure how you feel or what you need, say that.

Self-awareness enough to have that conversation while adhering to all the other points. Being about to say things like "I know this isn't what you're meaning, but I feel like..." or "I understood it this way, was I mistaken" instead of shit like "You make me feel" or "That's not what you said before." Classify your emotions appropriately.

Classifying your emotions appropriately. Ties in with the previous point, but don't let knee-jerk reactions dominate your end of things. Don't let your partner's knee-jerk reactions get to you more than they should.

Assumption of good faith. Get used to saying "Can you clarify what you mean by that/why you think that?" Literally. Say it 10 times aloud right now. Miscommunications happen. If your partner says something wildly out of character or hurtful, take a breath, assume there's a misunderstanding, clarify that misunderstanding. If you sincerely believe your partner would try to fuck you over in anything, leave them now. If you don't believe that, don't act like you'd think that when things get tough

Hear each other out. Self-explanatory, ties in with several other points, important enough to mention again.

And of course, all of these things go both ways. No matter how well you handle things, if your partner isn't assuming good faith, you can only get so far, and vice-versa.

That's a lot, so you can see how its easy to breeze past that and just say "talk it through." It sounds like you and your partner have a pretty solid foundation in most if not all of these (at least I hope so!💖), so hopefully some of those feel obvious, but not everyone has that! Some people "talk about things" by playing the blame game and then are confused why nothing improves, so I wanted to cover my basics.

So what does that look like in practice? Well, tumblr ask limitations mean I don't know enough about your relationship dynamic or what's bothering you to say with certainty, so I'm going to make up a more specific example based on what I got, and trust you to translate it as you see fit to your life 👍Okay cool

In this scenario, you've gotten used to spending most of your time with your partner by default. So you've already told your partner you're feeling jealous (again, that's really good!) Hopefully they reassured you they love you and stuff. After examining your feelings for a bit, you determine that while you're happy your partner is happy with this new person, you're jealous of that new relationship energy and feeling sidelined. Its hard to be away from your partner, and you dislike how much time they spend texting their crush even when its just the two of you.

You go to your partner and say, "I'm really happy you and your crush seem to be going well, but I am struggling with getting less of your attention. I'd like to discuss what we can do to make this easier on me." Partner: Yeah, of course, what's up? You: I got really used to doing everything with you, so its a hard adjustment having you away. I think it'll be easier if I have something to do while you're out, so I was thinking about trying to set up a weekly board game night with [group of friends], and hopefully that could be 'you guys's time'. Your partner takes a second to process what you said, before explaining "Crush's work schedule isn't consistent enough to commit for sure to one day a week, and if things keep going well I'll probably want to see them more than that anyway. Having said that, I'm happy to make that Crush's and I's date night when the scheduling works out, but I still want to see them when it doesn't." You nod, that's disappointing but it makes sense. "Yeah, okay. When I talk to [friends], I'll ask about making it a floating game night and maybe we can all schedule together if that's okay?" Partner: Yeah, if your friends can be flexible, that's fine with me, but if that doesn't work out, I still want to be able to see Crush on my own terms. You: That's fair. I think it will still help even if it only works out half the time anyway. Can we give it a few weeks and see how it goes and check back in? Partner: Yeah, sure. Thanks for talking to me about things You: There's one more thing, too. I'm really glad you're so invested in Crush and that you feel comfortable enough in our relationship to text them around me, but it can be a bit much sometimes. I'm not really sure how to fix it because I don't feel its fair of me to be able to demand you stop talking to them whenever I want, but I don't think I can handle it all the time either. Your partner doesn't have an answer either, and you both agree to give it some more thought and come back to it later. After a couple days your partner asks, "Would it help if we have some time set aside that's just for us? Where I don't text Crush and we watch a movie or something?" You: yeah, that sounds really nice... I think that'd be a big relief to me and help me feel special and important to you. Which I know I am, but like, it'd help me feel it more. How often would you be willing to do that? Partner: [thinks a minute] Once a week sounds fair? That's how often I'm having special time with Crush, too. You: That is fair, but... :/ I had hoped to be a little bit higher priority than Crush still. Could I at least be able to like, ask for your attention outside of that time for even just for like 15-20 minutes when its really bothering me? Partner: You knew I didn't really want to prioritize my relationships formally, plus, I thought we agreed it wasn't fair for you to tell me to stop just whenever? That's not really what you had meant, and you ask your partner for a second to collect your thoughts before saying, "I don't want to be able to do it all the time, I just-- If I need to talk to you about something really important or I'm having a really hard day and need some extra affection, I just want to be sure that's not going to cause problems." Partner: Have I not been doing a good job of that anyway? I had my phone away when you were talking about that stuff with your family the other day. Like, I still care about you, and I'm not going to be texting them while you're having a breakdown. You: You know, yeah, you have, sorry. I think that was just an anxiety creeping up on me. Thank you for pointing out it wasn't a reasonable one. And then you kiss!!1!

That last step isn't necessary, but its nice, in my experience. Obviously, this isn't going to be the whole picture. You'll see how you and your partner feels after you implement the changes. And of course, there are a lot of other solutions everyone could have come to and a lot of reactions there could have been.

I want to draw attention to some of the ways some of the numbered items earlier got implemented, just so we're extra clear. You started the conversation by establishing clear expectations on what was happening, and made it clear you didn't blame them for your feelings and were wiling to contribute to a solution (Note: in a relationship where this is common, less formal check-ins probably don't require so much of a disclaimer, but I think its good practice to still do when you're doing A Big Thing). Your partner also didn’t blame you for getting jealous, while still not compromising on things that were important to them. You allowed for the fact you weren't certain how things would make you feel and future adjustments might be necessary when you agreed to check in after a few weeks. Both partners took time to think things over when needed to avoid knee-jerk reactions. You classified emotions appropriately by realizing something at the end was a baseless anxiety instead of an actual problem.

Wow this got long! If you’re still around, I hope this was helpful! 😆 Feel free to send follow up questions if you have them, and let me know how it works out!

[miekasa]

call me (levi ackerman)

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: fluff, humor? you can be the judge of that i suppose, levi is quiet and often practical, but you cannot convince that there’s not a small part of him that doesn’t enjoy having shit to hold over people lol

↯ notes: this is also cross-posted from another blog, but i tweaked it a bit to fit levi and rewrote/edited parts i wish the world had never seen </3 also i’m reposting bc i was an idiot who accidentally deleted it on mobile rip 

↯ word count: 1.3k

↯ summary: drunk you is not amused by the man who keeps trying to coerce you into his apartment; even if that man is your boyfriend and that apartment is his apartment.

“Alright mister, I’m trusting you for now because you’re Erwinnie’s friend, and Erwinnie is my best friend,” you hiccup, wagging your pointer finger as threateningly as you can in your current state, “So if he says you’re a good person, you’re probably a good person. Or good enough.”

Levi holds back a knowing smirk, and loops his arm through yours to steady your balance. He doesn’t know how or why Erwin let you get this drunk, but he’s at least glad the blonde was sober enough to call him to pick you up instead of letting you get in a cab; or worse, attempt to take the bus.

“I’m so very glad you trust me,” he says, voice flat as your wrap your other arm around his bicep. You hum back, a little spacey and like you maybe didn’t hear what he said.

You’re honestly pretty cute when you’re drunk. It’s not something he gets to see often, as you don’t allow yourself to let go frequently; nor do you usually have the time to. And it’s not that he particularly wishes for you to be drunk to the point where you can barely stand, or remember his name, but all things considered, Levi is happy that your general drunk disposition is happy, too. 

He waves Mike goodbye as he wrangles Erwin into his car, not holding back his smile this time as you wave over-excitedly at the blonde in the passenger seat, calling his name loudly to tell him goodnight and that you’ll miss him, like you hadn’t already told him goodnight three minutes ago, or spent the last three hours with him drinking. Yeah, you’re cute. 

Thankfully, Levi doesn’t live too far from the restaurant you and Erwin were at, so the both of you are home after a twenty minute walk—what should have been fifteen minutes, but was prolonged by your drunken fascination with a squirrel on a public bench.

You start to wobble more when Levi unlaces your arms to get his keys out of his pocket, and he moves his right hand to rest against the small of your back so you don’t fall. However, drunk you is not so entertained by the idea of his hands anywhere near your waist as sober you would have been.

“Hey, hey, hey—hold it right there, mister!” you stutter, words a bit too loud for the confined space of Levi’s hallway at three in the morning, “I am not going in—into that suspicious apartment with you.”

You stumble as you try to remove Levi’s hand from your waist, and he tries to steady your balance again, but push him away more forcefully, staggering into the wall behind you.

“Ah, bitch,” you curse, holding your head and groaning. The pain clearly isn’t enough to stop your accusations against Levi, as you’re back to wagging your finger at him, even hunched over from your drunken stupor, “See, this is your fault.”

Levi sighs. He doesn’t know why you’re holding your head, because you hit your back, and from what he can tell, you shouldn’t have hurt yourself that badly. He’ll take a closer look at you once you’re inside. That’s if he could get you inside to begin with.

He can’t wrangle you and open the door at the same time, so he goes for the latter, finally pulling his keys from his pocket to unlock his apartment door, then attempts to move you inside. Keyword: attempts; because anytime he puts his hands remotely near you, you slap them away.

“Come on, we have to go inside,” he grunts, trying again to get a hold of your arm, but you whack him away harshly. For a drunk person, you seem to have the strength and dexterity of a pro-athlete all of a sudden. Where was all this coordination when he was trying to get you up the stairs five minutes ago?

“No!” you growl—once again, too loudly for the time and place. “Haven’t you heard of the saying no means no, mister? I might be drunk, but this is not my apartment, and I am not going in there to have sex with you!”

“I’m trying to help you go to bed. I’m not going to try and have sex with you.” Levi takes a deep breath. This could sound really bad if anyone else woke up and heard the two of you. 

But you’re not having it, crossing your arms and turning your body so that you’re now facing the wall, your back towards a less-than-impressed Levi. “Well, I don’t believe you. I’m going to call Erwinnie tell him you’re being a bad friend, and then Erwinnie is going to call my boyfriend and he’s going to come and pick me up.”

“Oh yeah?” Levi drawls, leaning against his door frame, watching your silhouette as you clumsily search for your phone in your pockets, “Why don’t you just call your boyfriend then?”

You turn on your heels as best you can, and muster up your most menacing glare. It’s not menacing in the slightest, and it actually makes Levi crack a smile, which you do not take lightly; but that only makes him smile further, because sober you doesn’t like it when he’s not fazed by your self-proclaimed intimidation tactics, either.

“Fine,” you huff, finally putting your phone to your ear, “But you’re going to be sorry, because Levi is going to come here and kick your ass.”

Levi chuckles, feeling his own phone ring in his back pocket, “I bet he is.”

“He is,” you insist, stomping your foot for dramatic effect, “He might not be that tall, but he’s strong as hell, plus he’s handsome, and he doesn’t let people fuck around with me, so say your prayers, mister.”

The following afternoon is far less than pleasant. You feel groggy, tired, and like everything is moving in slow motion. Piece by piece, your memories of your night out with Erwin start to come back to you, but you can’t seem to recall anything beyond your fifth margarita.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Levi calls, sarcastically, upon entering the bedroom.

His voice and presence surprises you, but then the realization washes over you that you’re in his apartment and not your own. You’re not sure why yet, but you could probably take a guess.

“Did you take me home last night?”

Levi hums in acknowledgement, nodding his head towards the bedside table, where you find a bottle of water. Levi watches you as you move to hang your legs off the side of the bed and reach for the bottle, groaning in the process. He mentally notes that he should make you breakfast—or, well, at this point, brunch—after you go shower, so that you can take an Advil for the pain.

He moves across the room to sit beside you on the bed, careful to not disrupt too much as to make you spill the water on the sheets. “You know, for someone who’s so happy-go-lucky when they’re drunk, you put up quite the fight yesterday.”

“I did?” you turn to him, capping the bottle, eyes wide with surprise, “You were probably sleeping and you had wake up and come deal with me, I’m sorry, Levi.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assures you, an almost uncharacteristic and sly smile playing on his lips, “You always say something interesting that keeps me entertained. It makes up for it.”

“Dear god, what was it this time?” you groan, throwing your head back, “I didn’t confess my feelings for you again did I? This is, what, like the sixth time since we’ve been dating? I’m such an embarrassing drunk.”

“Not a confession this time,” he chuckles, “The opposite. Maybe worse.”

Levi fishes his phone from his pocket, and pulls up his voicemails before handing it to you. Curious—and a little bit scared—to find out what could possibly be worse than confessing to your boyfriend of almost four years that you’re in love with him and sad that you’re not dating him? You’re not sure that it could get more embarrassing than that until you click on Levi’s most recent voicemail and hear your own voice crackling through the speaker of his phone.

“—What, hey, fuck off, mister! I don’t want to go into your scrubby apartment! I am happily dating Levi Ackerman, and when he gets here he is going to grand slam your sorry ass into the ground!”

[pen-observing]

request: how lucifer, mammon, satan, belphegor and diavolo react and find out about you having 'I now own your soul' under the terms and conditions of a webpage.

Lucifer:

While Lucifer is certainly busy all the time, and tries to balance it by having you in his study as he works, he can’t hide how tired he has actually been for the past 4 weeks.

All you know is that Diavolo has made the meetings more frequent and they are taking a toll on him

And since he means that much to you, regardless of if you wish to acknowledge it or not, you have to ask what is going on once he stands up and walks over to reach for another bottle from his shelf Lucifer does not drink that often and he certainly doesn’t try to avoid work by drinking.

Just what could be making him act this way?

“Lucifer, you have to tell me what is going on.”

He stands on his side of the desk just pouring another glass down.

Curse him for being elegant and showing his forearms while doing so!

And then he dares to look at you with full focus and furrowed eyebrows and he is about to say something and he looks like-

‘no. You are human.’

Fuck.

“Come on! You know I won’t tell anyone!”

He does trust you at least after so long.

"Very well. I will tell you since it has something to do with a human. If, by any chance, you spread the information, the price you pay will be a heavy one."

He can’t intimidate you that much but you know when he is serious.

"You see, recently, Diavolo has had more issues than ever with someone we like to call ‘code soul stealer"

“Uhn,, and that is?”

He takes a sip of his drink and holds the glass while looking at you.

“Apparently, a pesky human added ‘I now own your soul’ in their terms and conditions on a web page and some application. With this, they have stolen many souls and Diavolo has grown even more concerned these past few weeks since the page is just gaining popularity.”

Oh fuck, oh fuck. Thats you that he is calling a pesky human! You only did it as a joke because you saw a meme! It wasn’t supposed to make an enemy out of you to the prince of hell!

How are you supposed to tell Lucifer that? How will he react?

Maybe if you do tell him it will actually create more good than harm?

Or, you could hide it for the rest of your life and- no! The honest way with Lucifer is the best way. He trusts you enough so you have to trust him too!

“Lucifer...I am the pesky human you are referring to...”

He drops the glass. 

“I swear I had no idea souls were actually real and now I own a lot of them! O-On the good side I went viral 4 weeks ago so...oh, that is why you’ve been so busy....sorry.”

Lucifer says nothing.

He just falls into the chair in the most dramatic way you’ve ever seen.

He covers his face with both hands and groans into them loudly.

If you were not ‘code soul stealer’ you would laugh at him right now. But he has to figure out a way to protect you now.

Mammon:

You see, dating Mammon means that you two will bicker plenty.

However, it is usually silly stuff that you bicker about like; are gold or silver lines better on this cup of tea or not?

He just loves you too much to get into a serious argument with you.

However, Levi dragged you both to play a spy/heist game that just came out and Mammon cannot accept to lose such a challenge.

He is not proud that people call him thief, but he is proud and believes he has the skills to back up his many enrichment-plans

So the fact that you won against him for 3 times in a row is UNNACCEPTABLE under this dark, dark sky.

Mammon denies it all. ‘i went easy on you’; ‘I did it cuz you are happy when you win’ and ‘please, don’t you know who I am? I am THE Mammon!”

And while he is cute while bickering, sometimes it becomes unbearable.

So, you do what any normal human would: you challenge him by listing your biggest ‘heist’ ever.

“You don’t know who you are talking to! I have created a heist unlike any other! I have stolen a million souls so far! The DevilTV refers to me as – unstoppable soul collector!”

Levi left long ago so Mammon is standing there completely stunned with the stupidest look on his face so far. He kind of looks like a blowfish.

Still, he runs and puts a hand over your mouth and whispers:

“Don’t yell! We don’t want others to know that we run that business!”

Excuse him? Who is this –we- he speaks of?

“You will add your boyfriend to those plans, won’t you?”

Mammon will not let shock stand in the way of money or souls. You can explain to him how you managed that later but for now – just add him as your accomplice.

Satan:

You love your boyfriend.

You really, really do.

You love seeing him so excited and focused on finding clues to the newest Devildom mystery that you chose to let him have his fun by not telling him YOU were the one he was searching for.

And while you love him that much, you are about to ruin the whole game.

Why does he think it is appropriate to own 48 pairs of the same Sherlock Holmes outfit with THE UGLIEST MATCHING HATS YOU HAVE EVER LAID YOUR EYES ON.

First, he wore them in his ‘detective office’ only. Also known as the Lamentation house storage room for cleaning products. And that was fine, it was.

But then he started to wear them inside the house and in the garden. The saddest day was when a cat knocked the ugly hat off and ran away with it. Oh praise that cat! Praise the little paws!

However, he has gone too far.

He knows no bounds and shows no signs of stopping.

He started wearing the outfits OUTSIDE! In the middle of cobblestone paths of the main street while you were trying to have a nice date!

"Who knows where the soul snatching culprit could be hiding? I must wear this outfit everywhere to catch their clues. Trust me.”

That is it.

If one more iguana-looking-ass demon points their finger at you two and snickers as you walk past – he will have a rude wake up call.

How is it possible that he is trying to catch the culprit that is you but doesn’t pay any attention to you?

So, when you arrive home and he walks into the mop closet to add another unrelated photo to his crazy whiteboard as a clue – you tell him to sit down for a moment.

“Satan, honey, I have something to tell you about your soul snatching culprit.”

That definitely got his attention.

Finally! He is actually looking at you!

You lean down and gently kiss his head.

“I am the culprit you’re looking for. How does it feel to completely miss something right under your nose?”

He freezes up and throws a pen towards the whiteboard. It just bounces off and hits him in the back.

“You....you mean to tell me that,,, the biggest Devil Mystery TV phenomenon is ACTUALLY YOU?”

You are met with complete disbelief. Satan demands a detailed explanation on how you did it. He even tells you to use his whiteboard to retrace your steps!

...good luck...

Belphegor:

Will Belphegor ever actually publicly say that he has changed because of you? No.

Will he ever actually admit that to other brothers besides Beel when they’re talking in the late hours of the night in their room? Oh, absolutely not.

Will he tell you? Yes.

Yes but.. He will leave something out.

Sometimes Belphie looks at how you smile and remembers things that make him famous in this realm.

Yes, he is one of the most powerful demons and yes, he has a reputation of rebellion and the biggest steak of unattendance in RAD but

He is also a fairly famous scholar.

His papers and research are cited on the regular.

But when you smile and say a witty joke – he remembers that most of them focus around him proving just how dumb or naïve humans actually are.

But, you’re human and he hopes that you never see those.

Except that you do.

Because he is so famous it is no surprise that while looking for research papers to reference for your next assignment you saw his name while browsing through

And while you love him - you will not allow him to just diss the whole mankind.

So, you grab one of them from the library. Walk home, go to the attic while he is napping and open it up, putting it right on his face.

It takes a couple of seconds but he feels something is wrong and his hand reaches for it.

When he pulls it away, he is met with his thesis that was further developed from the seduction speech class assignment.

It sets it up as: ‘Seduction speech as a matter of blatant deception that humans always fall for but could never recreate.’

You are not even that mad at it to be honest.

But proving him wrong is always fun. And little does he know about your biggest secret ever.

“I will cut right to the chase and say – fix your bangs I want to see the way your eyes look when I tell you this!”

“I wonder who messed up my bangs with the academic paper in the first place?” is what he replies but his hand is already on his forehead.

“Whatever. Prepare to be amazed! I am the one the elders of the devildom are always ranting about on TV! Yes, I am the ‘pesky little human’ who is stealing away ‘edible’ souls! How is that for your thesis now? Is that not true deception?!”

He likes your smile still. You’re standing in front of the bed looking at him with sparkling eyes and clenched fists while striking a pose. It is silly really but he smiles.

Because you are.

And while he will ask you a bit more about that claim, he is just happy to know that maybe his next academic paper (which everyone eagerly awaits) will be tad more positive to your kind.

Diavolo:

You got an urgent call from Barbatos.

On the doorstep he told you that Diavolo needs you in his study.

What could you do that Barbatos can’t and will help Diavolo? Does such a thing even exist?

You walk inside of his office and are pretty sure Barbatos did not want to go inside because of the fact that a rat could be hiding under the mountain of papers that are all around the room.

Usually, Diavolo immediately stands up, lights up the room with his smile and stretches out his hands for a hug.

Now? He hears the doors open and looks at you with a weak smile while his head is resting on his elbows from behind the desk.

He has never looked worse.

“Barbatos said you called for me?”

You are unsure where to begin with this so you state a fact while thinking of questions to ask.

“He has? I have done no such thing?”

Great. Now both of you are confused.

“Can you tell me what is going on?”

Diavolo sighs and his smile is still nowhere to be seen.

“The elders have been so annoying lately. I understand that the biggest threat to the Devildom and everyone’s life here still has not been identified but there is nothing I can do except search!”

Just what threat is that? What could be making Diavolo so miserable?

“They keep comparing me to my father without actually offering any ways of fixing this!”

“I will try to offer some way if you tell me what the threat is!”

There you are, making a grand exclamation and promise while trying to avoid papers on the floor. Diavolo sighs again.

“A human is ruining our business! They somehow set up a page that allowed them to own souls by consent in some application under the terms and conditions. I mean, this has never happened before! Humans were never expected to think of that or have access to such means! And the name they used was fake. How am I supposed to find them and then burn them in the darkest pits of hell as the elders want me to?”

You stop trying to avoid the papers.

Did...did he just say darkest pits of hell? Did he just say the elders want YOU burned?!

How are you supposed to fix this? It was a fucking joke! You did not imagine this could ever happen!

“Diavolo you promised you would protect me no matter what, right?”

His eyes are serious when you say that. “Yes. I will. Is something amiss?”

“Diavolo.... I am the enemy your elders want to burn.. PLEASE DON’T LET THEM! MY SKIN JUST ADJUSTED TO THIS TEMPERATURE!”

Diavolo looks at you and laughs like never before. It is cute, it is childlike. His laugh finally lights up the room.

He thinks you are joking.

He thinks you are joking and abruptly stops once he realizes that you did not join in on the laugh.

You were just trying to crack a joke and make him feel better, right? There is no way that is true, right? But judging from your reaction he knows it is.

So, he grows serious once more.

He runs to embrace you.

“Please tell me you are willing to make a compromise because the elders do not care about how your skin adjusts to the temperature.”

[iceprincessviviane]

Whispers in the darkness

Paring: Yandere!C!Technoblade x BookwormEnchanter!Female!Reader

Type: Romantic (Technoblade is yandere) Trilogy - part two. (Previous part, next part)

Warnings: swearing, possessivness, yandere, angst, injury, blood, threats, sugestive content, silly jokes created by me.

Summary: Technoblade is trying to convince and adjust Y/N to new situation and himself. Some time has passed, but troubles are showing.

Author's note: Continuation from part one. Insipration from ACOTAR. English isn't my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

Words in red colour are Technoblade's voices.

Words in blue colours are Y/N thoughts.

Three days have passed and Y/N felt better. She was almost lying in bed all day, but she started to fast recovery. All her energy was restored and she could left their room. Technoblade went at adventure in Nether, for some supplies. She slowly went downstairs, hearing the cooking sounds and humming. Of course Phil was standing in the kitchen, preparing something. They both froze for a while. Realization hit her harder, than she expected. He knew... he had to know. Winged man sighed and his shoulders dropped. As he thought, he didn't know what to do.

"I... I noticed that Techno has thing for you, I adviced him conversation or something... when he left two days ago for training I have never expected, that he will come back with you in his arms. I was shocked, afraid and confused." Phil explained slowly.

Y/N bit her lip and hugged herself. He was one of her the most trusted person here, aside with Foolish and Bench Trio.

"Listen, I was with Techno through a lot of shit. He is my friend and I will always be on his side, no matter what. I don't fully support... this kidnapping, but I am still with him." He continued, then took cups of tea and plate with sandwiches. "Hungry?"

Y/N nodded and sat down. He put everything on table and sat too. Everything looked like during her last visit. Phil was living in house in opposite combined with Techno's by bridge.

"So... you won't help me convince him to let me go, right?" She asked with saddness.

"Unfortunetly no. I am not going to be involved in stuff between you and him. But is it that bad? You are not missing anything, Techno is caring about you, here is safe and all the stuff you need." He looked at her.

"I used to be a free person, you know..."

"I am sure, that he will let you go on backyard. On attic, we can set up enchanting place with books and stuff. Sometimes Ranboo is visiting us." Phil was determined to show good sides of current situation.

He didn't want to be manipulative, but for everyone's greater good, was that she had to accept her fate. Technoblade could be rough, when it came to be obedient. He really acted diffrent, since he found his thing for her and now, when Y/N was there, he was calmer and more relaxed. If she would escape, he will for sure track her down and then, everyone which would help, will be in great danger. Technoblade wasn't leaving something behind. Probably whole Smp will be burning. Maybe it was selfish, but Phil didn't want any argues or wars for now. Y/N was eating quietly, thinking about his words. It wasn't that bad for sure. She expected being injured and thrown into cellar or something and actually they didn't even tie her.

"You are being serious with that enchanting place and yard?" She asked quietly.

Phil nodded and smiled to her gently. After eating he took her to the attic, where was some space and shelfes. Immediately her humor improved, they even started to talk about setting up enchanting place. Later this day, Phil left to his house and Y/N was reading on the couch, cover by the blanket, because days here were colder than in main Smp part. Technoblade managed to bring most of her personal stuff here including clothes. She was wearing warm sweater and pants, but still got closer to the fireplace, which was very nice in her opinion. Sun started to go down, she was thinking if Techno will come, Phil said that he sometimes made trips, which lasted days.

Sudden sound of opening door caused her to turned at it's direction. Piglin hybrid stepped inside and smiled to her warm.

"Hi darliIIIAAAAAA!" He screamed and dropped something.

Y/N frowned and stood up. Small ball of fur squeaked and immediately recognized it's owner, it asap ran to her and hid behind her.

"Snowflake!" She screamed and picked up her fox gently, then petted it's head softly.

"It bit me!" Techno growled and sucked his injured finger. "This had to be surprise..."

She sent him warm smile and again sat on the couch. Snowflake snuggle her head into Y/N's chest, she hugged her back.

"Thank you for bringing her here..." She looked at him softly. "It mean a lot to me..."

The Blade smiled proudly and came closer. Fox started to growl, when he approached. Y/N gently petted her.

"It's all right my little one. He isn't that scary as he seems in first take." She smiled at Techno.

After a few minutes small ball of fur calmed and accommodate itself on Y/N's lap and went to sleep. Technoblade quietly sat on couch and looked at them curiously.

"Do you know that I am scary, intimidating and grim huh?" He whispered.

Y/N rolled eyes and looked at him. "Of course I know. I experienced that few days ago."

Silence fell upon them, Technoblade didn't excatly know what to say, this whole situation shloud looked way diffrent, he just didn't predict this whole chase, althought is was fun.

'Make her forget about it.' 'She will understand.' 'Chase was interesting.'

"Phil showed me the attic and mentioned, that there we could make enchanting place. Is that true?" She asked quietly, looking deep into his eyes.

"Yes of course! It's all yours, you can make there your working place." He said and took her hand, then gently rub it with his thumb.

"Really?"

He nodded with honest smile. Y/N hugged him gently, watching out at fox. "Thank you. Also I need a basket and blanket for Snowflake..."

"This isn't a trouble princess."

}*{

Some days passed Y/N was busy with making her workplace. Technoblade helped her, Phil occasionaly showed, but didn't want to interrupt them both. They worked hard with wood, she made enchanting table, because he brought most of her supplies to cottage, being careful and avoided everyone. For now none was looking for her and Techno wished, that this would last the longest, no troubles, no worries, just him and Y/N happy.

Piglin hybrid also brought her notes and books, so Y/N could study again, she was so happy about it, finally could do something useful. When the attic was finally done, she went into their shared bedroom. Deep inside she was still hesitant, when it came to Technoblade, but decided to don't make him angry. Being in tundra wasn't so bad, but also wasn't a paradise. Yes, she was thinking how to get herself from this awkward situation, but hasn't find solution yet.

Immediately Snowflake get up from her basket and sniffed around. Y/N smiled softly, recently her fox was more curious and brave, even tried to play with Techno's fox named Aura.

"Let's go to outside for a while, we both need fresh air."

They went outside, Y/N took a deep breath. Fox immediately jump off and started to run through the snow. She covered herself more by cloak and sit near, watching cute ball of fur playing around. Fresh air let her relaxed more and clean up thoughts. Around were silence, hound was sleeping in special building, sometimes Steve was moving in snow, to find a good position. Around the fence slept more wolfes, guarding the exits. Y/N swallowed slowly, she wasn't able to go through. Unfortunately, Snowflake had another idea, fox fast ran away from yard, jumping in snow and spinning around.

"Snowflake!" Y/N stood up immediately and ran to her. "Come back!"

But little fox puppy didn't want to listen, it ran away even more far. Worrying owner didn't think too much, just found place, where dogs were away and jumped over the fence. One of them woke up and started to bark and howl. Snowflake put her ears back, came back into her owner's arms, curling up. She hugged her tightly.

"Don't do it again, you scared me..." she whispered quietly into it's fur.

Cold wind started to blow and Y/N heard the whole hound howling, it was terrifying. She turned back just to meet Technoblade standing intimidating with sword in his hand.

"Are you trying to escape?" He asked slowly observing her.

"What? No! Snowflake ran away, she got over the fence..." Y/N explained quietly.

"You really think, that I am going to belive in this?" He made one step further, she responed with one step back.

"I am not lying!"

"You better not be lying, because you won't like my punishment, my dear." Technoblade looked deep into her eyes. "If fox is causing troubles, maybe it should disappear?"

Y/N shook her head. "I promise, it won't happen again, please don't hurt her!" She had almost tears in her eyes.

Piglin hybrid nodded slowly and gave her his hand. She took it gently and together came back inside. Silence remained between them, Phil was in his house, busy with books. Y/N took Snowflake upstairs and put in the basket. Fox immediately curled up and went to sleep, she backed into kitchen. Technoblade waited with narrowed eyes, she swallowed hard.

"You broke a rule."

'She wanted to run away from us!' 'She deserve punishment!' 'We won't let her leave the house!'

"I know, but I just wanted to catch Snowflake! You really think, that I would escape without nothing, only in cloak?"

"No, but rule is a rule."

He moved closer, towering at her. Their eyes met, red and y/c. She saw there anger and disbelief, but she didn't do something bad. Technoblade gripped her chin once more, Y/N hissed, when she was forced to look at him.

"Listen Y/N. I really feel diffrent around you, calmer and stable, but that doesn't mean that my true nature disappeared." He said slowly.

"I know, I told you... Snowflake ran away, I just wanted to save her..." a single tear strimmed down at her cheek.

Piglin hybrid moved his hand to wip it out, then cupped her face. Atmosphere changed immediately. Maybe it was warm, which radiated from his body or this gentle touch, but somehow room became hotter. Red crawled at Y/N's cheeks and Technoblade sighed quietly. His thumb has been found on her down lip. Time has frozen, she was looking straight into his eyes, their gaze locked. She grabbed his wirst gently, but he didn't stop.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm admiring. Be quiet."

But when he leaned in and Y/N colsed eyes, pending what will come next, silence distrubed light grunt from the door. They immediately turned heads at this direction. Of course Phil was standing there with awkward face.

"I am assuming, that I am bothering you..."

"Yes." Technoblade's eyes narrowed.

"Of course not. Come in." Y/N said and left Techno's grasp with smile.

}*{

Phil stayed till late hours, they discussed some cases, she left them quite soon, because conversation bored her. Y/N started to work in attic, but when night has fallen, she moved to their bedroom and started to read book. Snowflake laid on her lap, so she could pet it's head slowly. Phil and Techno talked quietly, so it was immpossible to hear anything.

When the door opened, Y/N lifted her sight, piglin hybrid entered into the bedroom. His eyes narrowed, when he spotted cute, little ball of fur, but didn't say anything.

"Talking is over?"

Technoblade nodded and closed the door, she put away book. Snowflake jumped off bed and went straight into her basket, avoiding him at all cost. Y/N sighed quietly and stood up, Techno locked his sight on her posture.

"I am going to take bath. You can go to sleep, if you want."

He blocked her way out, she looked at him with surprise. In one heart beat Technoblade pinned her to the closest wall. Quiet 'welp' left her lips.

"We had a thing, before Phil naughty interrupted us." The Blade whispered with deep voice.

"Did we have?" Y/N asked while looking at him, she tried to act tough.

"Oh yes, we had my dear."

He put left hand on wall near her head and right hand gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him. Their eyes met again, confidence faced uncertainty. His touch was more gentle, that she might expect.

"Let myself be clear. You will have to pay, for today's little bad behaviour."

"Wh-what do you mean?" She suttered.

"Let's say... if you don't want me to throw out this little, annoy ball of fur... you will have to kiss me." Technoblade said with deep voice.

Y/N looked at Snowflake peacefuly sleeping at basket and sighed helplessly.

"Do you promise? And never, ever again will threat her?"

"Yes. I always keep my word."

She nodded slowly, red crawled on her cheeks, cupped his face carefuly, hesitated for a moment. Y/N, closing eyes, gently pressed their lips together, in slow, shy kiss. She had to stand on her tiptoes, to reach Technoblade's lips. His hand moved at her waist and pulled her closer and he kissed her back in more confident way.

Y/N was so sweet and her lips so soft, like they were made for him. Piglin hybrid fast took control of the situation. Hand from her chin slipped on neck, to press their lips closer. Y/N made quiet moan, which caused his blood to boil. He smiled through a kiss.

'So good for us.' 'So sweet, so soft.' 'Don't stop, don't stop!'

Voices went feral, their demands and screamings filled his head, in one smooth move Technoblade grabbed her thighs and lifted Y/N up, without breaking the kiss. Now, she slipped hand into pink hair. He muttered with satisfaction, but then she broke away and opened eyes. The Blade snorted, greedy for touch, contact and pressed lips to her neck, kissing slowly.

"Techno!" Y/N winced and grabbed his shoulders.

"Relax princess." He whispered into her skin softly. "It's part of the punishment."

She blushed even at her ears, when he pressed few more kisses, then broke away too. They looked at each other in silence.

"Well, now I think, that it wasn't a punishment for you at all." Technoblade laughed slighty. She shook head with disbelief and helpless, then looked down.

"Oh, don't be so shy, I mean, I like it, but you don't need to be."

"Are you going to put me down?" Y/N asked with impatience.

"Maybe yes... maybe no." He hid head in her neck's crook.

In fact Technoblade just had to chill a little bit. His blood was still boiling, lips were touch starved and hands didn't want to let her go. After a few deep breaths, he gently put her on the floor.

"Thanks you." Y/N giggled softly.

"Go for this bath." The Blade smiled haughty and kissed her forehead.

She nodded, grabbed night clothes and left bedroom. Technoblade was smiling like idiot, when she went out. Feeling in his chest grew only bigger through days, when she was here. Also he wanted show everyone that Y/N is his and only his, he would bite her shoulder or neck, maybe give her golden jewelry, but for now it was pointless. As long, as she wasn't leaving the basement, all of this could come later. Of course Technoblade desired to mark her, but her shyness and innocence were too adorable and entertainment.

}*{

Next week has passed without any serious problems. Technoblade was always in cottage, Phil sticked around lot, so they could spend time together. Usually, they were talking, pair of friends described Y/N their adventures, Phil was telling of far away lands, and she was always listening witn true amazement. When Techno and Y/N were alone, he usually read her books or they just cuddled on couch. Sometimes she was trying to work on attic, but it was quite hard, since piglin hybrid has become clingy and very touch starved. He stole her few kisses during this week, but they weren't so intense as their first kiss. But since yesterday Technoblade has acted like he was always lost in his thoughts. That was something diffrent, so she noticed quite easily.

Y/N was sitting at the table and watching piglin hybrid carefuly. He was making her cup of tea, but silence reminded between them for too long.

"You are taciturn, since yesterday... something happend?" She asked finally.

He smiled and turned back to her with cup of tea. "You are so caring darling." He put the cup on the table.

"That isn't answer of my question..."

"You don't need to worry about it. Everyone has a quiet days, even me." Technoblade grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently, it caused Y/N to smile too. She took a sip.

"It taste better than Phil's?"

"Um... I can't tell the diffrence." Y/N shrugged, it tasted good, tea like tea.

"Great." His smile widened and she felt warning twist in her stomach. Something was odd...

"You... are sure, that everything is all right?"

This time, he didn't even bother to answer. Just looked at her and studied her face. Y/N blinked... but suddenly her eyelids became very heavy. Though she was sleeping today well. Fatigue mastered her body, Y/N groaned quietly and put cup down with loud sound.

"Feeling tired?" Technoblade asked slowly.

She lifted her sight at him with little struggle. His face was stern, but something in his eyes... made her shiver inside.

"What... what did you do?"

"Nothing... nothing at all."

Y/N stood up slowly, but she tripped at first step, needed to support herself by table. He squeezed her hand harder and embrece waist, to hold her. She couldn't push him back, all energy went out, her sight found half full cup of tea...

"You bastard..."

Dark laugh left his lips, he lifted her in bride style, like she was like a feather. Technoblade kissed her forehead reassuring.

"I think, you shloud go to sleep my love."

Then, Y/N started to see blurry and finally lost consciousness. She didn't know how long she has been unconscious, but when she woke up, she has seen their shared bedroom. Then felt cold metal around her wrist. Still little tired and probably under the influence of drugs, Y/N tried to move herself from bed. Chain from her wirst was attached to wall and it was pretty long.

'What the hell happend...?'

Y/N didn't want to believe, that Technoblade drugged her... maybe staying here wasn't the best idea... Door opened with quiet noise, causing her, to look at it's direction. Piglin hybrid went inside with tray full of food. She clenched jaw and looked at him with narrowed eyes. If she could, she would throw at him fireballs again.

"Don't even think to get closer." She hissed quietly. "What is this?" She rose her hand with a handcuff.

Technoblade put a tray on table and sighed. Actually he had all his netherite armor on, sword at his belt, then trident and axe on back. Y/N swallowed hard.

"I am going on adventure with Phil... actually it's for supplies..." The Blade said slowly.

"So you chained me?!"

"I don't want to risk anything darling."

"Take it off." Y/N said totally serious.

"I-"

"Take it off!" Tears started to come up into her eyes.

Technoblade didn't even move slighty. He just watched, when she tugged chain couple of times, then sat helpless on the bed and quiet sob left her lips. He immediately came closer and crouch on her level. Despite her protests, Techno grabbed her hands and rub them gently with thumbs.

"I will be back in three, four days. You have food on table and I brought you new books. Chain can reach bathroom."

"Please take the chain off!"

'Music for our ears.' 'Make her stop crying.' 'We already miss her...'

He kissed her forehead, but then stood up and left her room, closing it on a key. Y/N was too shooked to make any move, she pulled her legs closer to chest and hugged them. Loud sob left her lips this time and tears strimming down at her cheeks freely. Snowflake jumped on the bed and snuggled near, to cheer up it's owner, but without any success.

Y/N just couldn't believe, that Technoblade actually did this. She behaved good all the time, didn't even fight his... sudden whims or whishes. He wasn't exactly as people talk about him, he had feelings, goals and persons which he cared about. He was a person, not a weapon. But this... she called fire at her fingers and grabbed the metal. After a few minutes, it didn't make any effect, but she spotted slight purple light on metal.

Enchantments.

Closing eyes, she focused on chain. After a second she had an answer. Mending and Unbreaking. Y/N cursed aloud, without key or magic, there was no way to open it. She was too weak for casting spells. It was made by Phil for sure, Technoblade didn't know enchanting that good... she curled up on bed, trying to find a way out of this horrible situation.

}*{

Ranboo sighed stepping at outisde stairs in Technoblade's basement. He was here so long ago, at least three weeks ago. Moving into mansion took a lot of time and they had to finish filling the rooms. After this, Eret told Foolish, that Y/N is missing, they immediately went to her home, only to find out it was empty and some things were taken. He helped with searching, because Eret and Foolish stated, that she couldn't just leave without a word. A week of no progress caused them to stop. Ranboo saw the true sadness on demi-god's face and he wished he would help. Tommy and Tubbo missed her too and Michael wanted, that Y/N read his tales. Enderman hybrid sighed once more and stepped inside. Main door wasn't locked, none dared to come here and steal something, maybe except Tommy. He would do that without any hesitation.

He needed blaze rods and some honey, to start bee farm for Tubbo. He was in the middle of searching, when heard suspicious nosie from on top. Ranboo looked at celling unsure. Technoblade and Phil were on trip, he know that, because they met in the Nether once in fortress. He knew only one ghost and he wasn't here for sure... Then he heard quiet whimper and sob. Tall teenager swallowed hard and started to head upstairs. The noises were coming from Techno's bedroom, that was really odd. He tried to open door, but it was locked. Looking around, he spotted the key on the nearest shelf, so took it and open door slowly and quietly.

Ranboo almost dropped everything in his hands, when he saw Y/N on floor, chain around her wrist, eyes full of tears, skin more pale than usually. She immediately looked up, her gaze was full of shock and disbelief.

"Y/N?" He knelt near her, look if there were any injures or wounds.

"Ranboo?" She almost cried this words. "What... what are you doing here?"

"I am getting supplies from Techno... and you? For gods sake, Foolish and Eret were looking for you!"

Tears left her eyes, when she heard this words. None has known what exactly happend... telling whole story wasn't a great idea.

"Why there is a chain on your wirst?"

Y/N bit her down lip and looked at him embarrased. This whole story was an absurd, what if he won't believe her?

"Technoblade..." she whispered quietly.

"Why Techno would do that? And Phil, he wouldn't allow it..."

"But he did!" She screamed, clearly with fear in her voice.

Enderman hybrid was confused, this didn't has sense or logic. He sighed slowly and looked at Y/N, no she wasn't lying, so what was the case? What was going on here?

"Let me help you with this..." He took metal into his hands and tried to break it. After few minutes, he grabbed sword, but still, stubborn chain didn't want to let her go.

"It's enchanted... only key or magic can release me... " Y/N explained quietly. "And if I leave... gods help us... Technoblade will be after me."

"But... why? What did you do?" Ranboo asked without even thinking.

"I don't know! This is madness, I just want to get back to home, but they won't allow me." Y/N started to shake and tears strimmed down at her cheeks.

Ranboo hugged her gently, she was watching out to not water his skin or suit too much. He rubbed Y/N's back gently.

"We will need help... to get you out of this I guess."

"No... Technoblade will be after them... please don't tell anyone!"

"But, what about you?" He seemed worried.

"I don't know... I will try to break out, but I don't know when... just please promise me, that you won't tell anyone!"

Ranboo hesitated for a moment. How will she manage to break herself? And how could he be quiet about it? Eret and Foolish are still sad and hopeful or her returning, Michael every night is asking, where is aunt Y/N.

"Right, I won't... but someone will know, now or later."

Y/N sighed, he had right... someone will eventually step inside Technoblade's house and find her... but now there was no better plan.

"Yes, but at least maybe that won't be my close friend... you shloud go, before they see you."

He again hesitated, but after all, hugged her for goodbye, stood up and left. Also put everything as it was when he came. Still he was torn, because, wanted to help, but didn't want to let down Y/N or betrayed Technoblade's trust. Finally he left closing the door carefuly, lost in thoughts.

}*{

As Technoblade promised, he stepped into house exactly four days after leaving. Inside was silence, he had full backpacks and was tired, Phil went to his part, they both needed rest. After put everything in magazine, he went upstairs and entered his shared bedroom. Y/N was sitting under wall, where chain was attached, room didn't changed at all, some things were moved, but nothing odd.

'We didn't see her for such a long time...' 'We are going to hold her whole day.' 'Can't wait to see her again!'

"I'm finally back princess." He hummed and got closer.

She looked at him and stood up slowly, a little bit shaky, she unsure wrapped arms around his waist and closed her eyes.

"Please, never ever again leave me alone here... please." Quiet whisper left Y/N's lips.

Technoblade smiled satisfactorily, then hugged her back and pressed soft kiss on her forehead.

"Will you be obedient now?" He asked cupping her face in hands and wiped out tears.

Y/N nodded almost immediately, Piglin's hybrid smile widened, well that was better than he has expected. He couldn't complain, more things could be complicated, but for now, he wanted her to calm and be nice as she shloud be.

"Good. Let me help you with this." The Blade took gently her wirst and pulled out small, golden key from his pocket, then opened handcuff. Skin where it was, was violated, red abrasions and scabs, his eyes narrowed.

"I will take care of this don't worry."

Y/N sat on bed and looked as he put away his cape, weapons and grabbed bandages, then cover injuries with it.

"Thanks..." she said after everything was done.

"Now I am going to take off my armor, then maybe bath. If you want... you can go downstairs or help me."

Y/N looked at him with a hesitation. They together started to undo Technoblade's armor, after a while he ended looking at her, when she was patiently helping. It took a moment, netherite armor was heavy and parts were big, but after everything was done The Blade hugged her tightly.

"I missed you sweetheart..." he whispered into her ear. "I'm glad, that we are on good terms now."

Y/N bit her lip, most important thing was, that they couldn't know, that Ranboo was here. This made her anxious, poor boy, wouldn't have chances with Technoblade...

"I missed you too." She smiled gently and pressed shy kiss to his cheek.

Night has fallen quickly, piglin hybrid was napping a lot after bath and Y/N finally could go to the attic or kitchen, so she spent time mostly there. Working and making herself her favourite meal. When she entered the shared bedroom, Technoblade was sitting on bed shirtless and taking care of his sword, he lifted his eyes in her.

"Come in."

Y/N closed door and walked few steps forward, this view reminded her, that actually she had trident with her, when got kidnapped. Where it could be now?

"Technoblade..."

"Yes sweetheart?"

"When we met in forest, I had trident with myself... what happend with it?"

Piglin hybrid stopped and put sword away, then stood up. She swallowed hard, maybe it wasn't a good idea...

"Why do you want to know?"

"Trident is important thing for enchanters... and this was my only one. I also spent a lot of time searching for it and enchanting it..." Y/N said honestly.

"It's safe in the cellar." He got closer to her and smiled gently.

She nodded and let him hug her, then wrapped her arms around his waist. Technoblade placed hand on her neck, kiss was slow and gentle. Piglin hybrid smiled after breaking out. Inside, Y/N sighed with relief, he didn't noticed, that Ranboo was here.

She let her guard down in vain. The Blade's gentle touch fast, became inescapable grasp on her throat, Y/N pupils widened immediately. Tried to pull him out, but that was only a weak try.

"You think, that I am stupid or blind?" He asked, then lifted her up, still holding her throat, air started to go out and didn't come back.

Y/N tried to kick him of, but again that was only a weak try, even when he was tired. She grabbed his wrist and trying to push off his hand, only to take breath.

"After a whole week, you just casualy asking me about your trident huh?" His eyes narrowed looking at her reaction.

'Grip her harder!' 'Make her cry and scream!' 'Show, who is in charge here!'

Voices again went feral, but this time they demanded violence and wildness. His sight almost became red and ears was full of noise.

"Techno!" Y/N whispered quietly, fighting to stay focused.

"Apologize and everything will be all right."

"Please..." Tears started to strimming down at her cheeks, she became weak.

He shook his head. "That's not how you apologize. Just say that you are sorry for being dirty, little girl, forgive me."

"I... am sorry... for being... dirty little girl. Please forgive... me." Words slowly left Y/N' lips.

Technoblade smiled with satisfaction, then just let her go. Y/N' body hit hard the floor, she hissed at sudden pain and looked up at male. He grabbed her chin, forcing her to stay like this, on knees.

"I hate do it to you. I really do. Please promise me, that you will be good, obedient, little girl."

Graps on her chin hardened, Y/N nodded almost immediately. After this, she had enough, hear pounded so fast, eyes full of tears.

"It's late, let's go to sleep princess." He left her chin and went straight into the bed.

She stood up shaky and quietly, then grabbed her night clothes and went into bathroom. When came back, Technoblade is sleeping peacefuly on his side. Y/N without any distrubing noise, snuggled into bed and turned her back at him. She couldn't sleep at all, just laying there and thinking. After today for sure her mind changed and situation seemed to be horrible and without exit.

The mattress sagged under the weight of Technoblade, when he changed his position. She immediately froze, again he put an arm around her waits and his head right behind her's. Y/N swallowed her tears in silence.

}*{

Couple of days have passed and Y/N became much more shy and quiet. Technoblade usually held her around, but when not, she was in attic working or reading books. Piglin hybrid was satisfied with her behavior, showing his affection and caring way.

It was almost an evening, Phil was working on supper, Technoblade and Y/N were sitting on couch, he held her hand and read ancient poem with shinning eyes. Winged man couldn't resist to smile, while was hearing it.

Everything became much calmer. Well it ended, when Ranboo stormed into cottage, heavy breathing, burns on his face from tears and he was in full netherite armor.

"I am sorry! Please forgive me..."

[thesuitelife547]

Gongchan News1 Interview [ARTICLE TRANSLATION]

I did combine both of the interviews into one. But enjoy!

- Marisa

Original articles:

Part 1 | Part 2

B1A4’s Gongchan has said that the year 2023 will be busier and a year of growth. It’s a promise to go further as both an actor and a singer.

The Gongchan who is working hard will have his first step in the release of the BL (Boys Love) drama, ‘Unintentional Love’ (written by Shin Ji An, directed by Jang Eui Soon) that will be released this year. Based on Pibi’s webtoon, it’s the story of two people whose relationship started out as a lie and later developed into true love, a recovery of trust romance. The country’s first BL drama was ‘Where Your Eyes Linger’ and this drama will be a collaboration between Shin Ji An, who wrote the script, and the director for ‘Peach of Time,’ Jang Eui Soon.

In this project, Cha Seo Won plays the role of Yoon Tae Joon and Gongchan took on the role of Ji Won Young. Specifically, Gongchan is Ji Won Young, an employee of the general affairs department of a large company that has to win the heart of the president’s favorite artist, Yoon Tae Joon, if he wants to be reinstated. Ji Won Young is someone who has a bright nature and is a social butterfly who likes to help people and always has people surrounding him. It’s a story of how he meets Yoon Tae Joon and becomes entangled with him when Won Young is suddenly on the verge of losing his job.

Gongchan has steadily built up his filmography as he started acting in 2015 with the web dramas ‘Delicious Romance,’ ‘Dear My Name,’ and ‘Mokkoji Kitchen.’ He’s also appeared in the MBC Every1’s ‘Dating is Annoying, but I Hate Being Lonely!’ among others. He’s back after around two years with a new project. Although Gongchan was unfamiliar with the BL genre, of which has yet to become popularized, he said that he was drawn to the authentic story and thanks to that, he was able to immerse himself well.

He is also a member of the boy group B1A4 and has done activities as an artist. He has said that he wishes to meet fans as the complete B1A4 when fellow member Sandeul is discharged from the military. Gongchan continued by saying, “A steady person, I want to become someone who does not let go of their goal and who continues to run. There are times when I’ll rest, but my goal is to have fun and be happy while promoting or being active.”

Gongchan plans to spend the Lunar New Year holiday with his family this year. They’re planning on having a peaceful holiday by making jeon [Korean pancakes] together and giving his grandmother New Year’s bows. He also brightly conveyed New Year’s greetings to News1 readers. I recently met Gongchan for this interview.

How are you planning to spend the Lunar New Year holiday this year?

My family is going to all get together and we’re going to make jeon [Korean pancakes] together and also give our New Year’s bows to my grandmother.

‘Unintentional Love Story’ is going to be released this year. If you were going to describe the project?

It’s based on a webtoon. A relationship that started with a lie turns into a true love romance. I play the role of Ji Won Young, an employee of the general affairs department of a large company. I am excitedly waiting for it to be released this year.

Have you read and referred to the original webtoon?

I read the webtoon while preparing for the role and thought that Ji Won Young and I have a lot of similarities. Despite having a bright personality, he doesn’t tell others when he’s having a hard time. It touched me because it felt like I was looking at myself. Isn’t the original version very popular? I paid a lot of attention to the details while filming in order to make the character seem similar. Won Young is a bright fellow, so I really thought a lot about what would work best to express his kind of energy.

How did you come to join the project?

I had received an offer for the role of Ji Won Young. They had said that my image resembled that of his, so they decided to contact me. After I received the offer, I immediately read the project and thought, “It’s so interesting, it would be even more interesting as a drama.” I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. Thankfully, the director and the head of the production company looked at me favorably during our meeting and my appearance was decided upon right away.

It’s difficult to say that the BL genre has yet to become popular in South Korea. It’s a time when related works are now just appearing, so did you hesitate to appear? Did you reference any other works?

It is true that I was previously unfamiliar with the BL genre. However, when looking at ‘Unintentional Love Story,’ I liked the story of how two people with painful scars slowly open their hearts as they get to know one another. Therefore I decided to try to focus on the script and act from that. Before filming, I tried to look back on and refer to the drama ‘Semantic Error,’ the movie ‘Call Me By Your Name,’ the Japanese drama ‘Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You A Wizard,’ and others.

How was it acting with Cha Seo Won?

When I heard that Seo Won-hyung was cast, I thought he was the same as Yoon Tae Joon in the webtoon and also thought that the production team really delicately found the character. I saw him in ‘I Live Alone’ and also in a daily drama that I watched with my mother [t/n: I think the daily might be Second Husband]. When I first saw him, he was like a celebrity (Laughs). It was difficult in the beginning, but isn’t he quirky and cute? He’s very playful and the atmosphere on the set was good, so we became close quickly. Even when filming, he guided me a lot and we also cheered each other up through laughter. All of the actors became very comfortable with each other so it’s a pity that we can’t promote together because he enlisted.

What is a point to observe about the project?

It depicts Won Young and Tae Joon growing closer and closer, so pay close attention to each of their detailed emotions in each situation. There’s also going to be a tickling excitement about it.

What kind of evaluation do you wish to receive after ‘Unintentional Love Story’ is released?

I wish to hear the people that watch this project recommend it and say “The actor Gongchan here is pretty good.” I would be very grateful if I were able to become an actor that people know about.

You started working as an actor in 2015. What was the reason you started?

I was originally very greedy to act. When I was actually able to try it, I was able to see that it had a different charm than standing on stage and I therefore gradually fell in love with it. I’m trying to work on at least one project every year.

It seems that there are roles you’re greedy for

I want to play a villain someday. I really like the drama ‘Bad Guys’ [t/n: a 2014 drama] and want to play a character like Park Hae Jin’s role.

You’ve been active as B1A4 for a long time. I’m curious about the secret of your teamwork

I see CNU-hyung and Sandeul-hyung quite often. We talk about recent updates, our daily lives, and about the album we’ll release later. It seems like the secret of how we can last for so long is our humble virtue towards each other. Even when talking about things that need to be improved, we don’t take it too heavily. Although I’m overflowing with passion when faced with work, I’m the type who receives it well.

Aren’t B1A4 on a break due to fellow member Sandeul’s military service? Are you not greedy for a solo album?

I am greedy, but I’m too afraid. (Smiles). It’s become late because I think about things such as whether the concept that I want to do will come out well.

Sandeul will be discharged in August, will we be able to see a B1A4 album?

I want to quickly come back as a complete group when Sandeul-hyung is discharged. I wish to have one come out within this year, but nothing has been specifically decided upon.

Aren’t you also actively communicating with your fans?

Communicating with the fans is so much fun. Similar to how real friends communicate, it’s nice to hear about what the fans are doing. I also like to share what I’m doing with them. Because the fans seem to like that, I tend to communicate with them a lot.

What is your goal?

A steady person, I want to become someone who does not let go of their goal and who continues to run. There are times when I’ll rest, but my goal is to have fun and be happy while promoting or being active

What kind of year would you like 2023 to be?

I hope it’ll be a year where I’m busier, where I’m growing, and a year of fun activities. I’m already looking forward to this year because even if there’s a lot of work, I don’t think it will be hard.

Would you like to say Lunar New Year greetings to News1 readers?

I hope you have a pleasant holiday while eating plenty of delicious food. Happy New Year!