#I am perhaps drunk

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

I am thinking very heavily about… Tex johnson and chubby fem nsfw

chubby chaser tex johnson who won’t quite admit he’s into big girls until his late twenties because he’s a famous stunt double and hollywood is toxic to fat people.

and then he just fully embraces it and starts dating plump set designers and scene makers—there aren’t many plus sized actresses (again fuckin hollywood).

you’d be really resistant to him at first—he comes on strong, because it usually works and he doesn’t have time to court anyone with his busy schedule.

his “let me eat your pussy in the trailer” really takes you off guard, and of course you tell him no. for fucks sake, you just met the guy.

except that doesn’t deter him in the slightest because he has a chase kink so he just pursues you harder. plus, his legs are twice the length of yours and way more capable of cardio.

avoiding him doesn’t work, so you just starting growling.

you think you’re being tough on him, but when you talk all he really hears is the sound of little pink hearts swelling and popping over your cute little skull.

he wants to tie you up so you’re all spread and open for him, has this vision of you with your soft little body all tucked in nice and neat with some rope, so he can tease and suck and lick and tickle and rub and fuck your big innocent eyes into the back of your head.

cue tex unabashedly trying to get a big bite out of you, drooling and lusting after and all that jazz. you might be fucked, here. look at him.

[comraderoscoes]

hot take not hot take mild take even but i hate how the memefication of politicians always ends with people conveniently forgetting they’re a terrible person

[morningstargirl666]

FIC REC FRIDAY #4

ad aeternam. by darkness_shows_the_stars / @stars-and-darkness

His eyes are intent on her. They always are, but never so strong, never so scorching, as when he’s needling for information she’d rather not give.

“I want you to come and …” She sighs. This is more difficult than she had expected it to be, and that’s saying something. She’d expected it to be like pulling teeth, but the feeling is more akin to ripping off an arm. “I want you to come and pretendtodateme.”

There. Done. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

No, not at all.

Klaus’s face smooths over, washed of all emotion. “Would you mind repeating that?”

Guys. Listen. I don't go searching for fake dating AUs. Mostly because I'm not a fan of human AUs. When I'm reading klaroline fanfiction, I'm here for the fantasy element, the age old hybrid falling in love with the blonde baby vampire. Therefore, fake dating AUs just don't really blip up on my radar. But. Guys. Guys. THIS FIC ALRIGHT. THIS FIC HAS OVERHAULED MY ENTIRE BELIEF SYSTEM???? LIKE? IT'S POST-CANON DIVERGENCE???????? YET A FAKE DATING AU????????????? DO YOU SEE THE QUESTION MARKS HERE IT DIDN'T EVEN OCCUR TO ME THIS COULD BE A THING AND YET IT IS AND IT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATION TO EVER EXIST?

Anyways. Yeah, go read it.

OR I AM DISOWNING ALL OF YOU

[rosesradio]

made out with one dude at the rave got him texting ‘what are we’ 🙄🧍

[youthdecayenjoyer]

chat I am failing to open the new pencil sharpener I feel like nixon with the pill bottle

[sunshowersanddandelionwine]

i rewatched xmen first class yesterday and now i have thoughts about mutant!141 aus...

[fatelcved]

🍾 + is there anyone on your mind? what in particular do you think about when you think about them? (chiyo)

ask my drunk muses questions | @vonerde asks chiyo a question!

a little shyly, the artist nods. she's looking away again. " yeah, i guess. " a few anyone's, actually, though chiyo doesn't get specific. she's distracted by the next question, humming as she thinks.

" hmm, i think about whether they'd like the place i'm eatin' at or if they'd like the song i'm listenin' to. i think about hearin' their voices if i call 'em and how nice it'd be, but i always chicken out and text 'em instead. then i think i'm bein' silly -- 'cause i know they wouldn't mind talkin' -- and call. and i'm right. it feels really good to hear them. and i think about... " she trails off.

chiyo thinks about their smiles -- the fangs peeking out in gaia's grin, the stubble surrounding niko's, the way rayo's eyes light up. and when she thinks about their smiles, she can't help her thoughts straying towards their lips and how they might feel pressed against her own. she can't help imagining how they might do it, if they'd be gentle, slow, taking their time, or if they'd kiss her with the hunger that seems to guide her gaze these days ( it's embarrassing how often she's nearly been caught staring at each of their mouths ).

the flush upon chiyo's cheeks turns a deeper hue of red, and she clears her throat, shifts in her seat and runs a hand through messy tresses. she's not saying that thought out loud, even if she is a little drunk.

" y'know, i just think about normal stuff. what might make 'em all smile and whether they've eaten yet. yeah. " girl, you could not be more suspicious with that delivery. " can we move on? "

[revvethasmythh]

technically speaking, aasmiar life span is about 160 years and halfling lifespan is about 150, meaning with their age difference Veth and Yasha will reach the end of their lifespans at about the same time, past the time of their human companions. Therefore, here's how Vasha can still win--

[psikhika]

girl with the most unremarkable but beautiful peasant face alive

[boomerang109]

i think im dying hahaha

[raceweek]

Only motogp advice is to be safe- Lot more men there than at f1 races ; nevertheless enjoy the race!

just checked the demographics and yeah 80% male…unfortunately familiar to me as someone who goes to football matches with 79% male average attendance but yes. WELP

[mashmouths]

i need there to be a gay bar or club near me like i need air to breathe i think

[faaun]

WARNING: The penalty for trespassing on the railway is £1000.

[spice-ghouls]

:)

[zhuhongs]

sooo funny, i got home from dinner with my brother to a text and i was like !! hope its the text i was expecting but no it was a different text and i was like "":( i don't want a text from you! rn" and then went to walk my dog but then halfway thru walking my dog i got the text I actually was looking forward to and was like. yayyyyy

[melto]

remember when i used to listen to the blade drama cd whenever i went into the grocery store so it was like a life or death race against the clock to get in and out.