#I am now looking at the episode and going

[dont-touch-the-phlebotinum]

WIP Wednesday

here's some 8x18 spec that i am definitely not gonna finish before the episode comes out, because everyone's 'buck should leave the 118!' posts have got me 👀

tagging everyone who's got something they'd like to share.

"So where are you gonna go?" Tommy says as he hands Buck a beer and takes a seat beside him — not close, not the way they used to curl up together on this couch, a movie on in the background and Tommy listening intently to him talk about… well, something stupid, probably. But Tommy cared all the same. His tone is measured, careful not to let his own feelings show. Something he's too good at, but Buck's grateful for it this time. He's not looking for someone to talk him out of this. He just needs someone to understand.

It's strange to think that even after everything that went wrong between them, Tommy's still the only person who does.

"I don't know. Figured I'd head up the coast, see where life takes me after that."

He can read the question on Tommy's face without him even needing to ask it.

"I quit the 118." He can't help the tremble in his voice as he says it. Tommy's eyebrows inch further towards his hairline, but he doesn't say anything, like he knows Buck's been holding this all in for so long it'll choke him if he doesn't finally let it out. "Without Bobby it's… it's not the same. We're not the same. And I've been trying, but I don't know how to get it back. It's like the harder I try to hold on the more they pull away."

"People grieve in different ways," says Tommy. "Which don't always play nice with each other. It sucks."

"Yeah. It does." He takes a long pull of his beer, lets the flavour wash some of the bitter taste from his throat. "Bobby told me they'd need me, but they don't. Honestly, it feels like they don't even want me," he says, blinking away the tears that prickle at his eyes. "I know I'm letting him down."

"You're not." Tommy shifts closer, reaches between them to take Buck's hand in his own, big and rough and still holding Buck like he's something to be treasured. "Bobby loved you, Evan. Whatever you need to do right now, I know he'd support you."

Buck offers him a small, grateful smile, and squeezes Tommy's hand in return.

[selfindulgenceisthekey]

If You Thought It Was Real Pt. 5

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4

(Yes, I'm re-using this collage, I'm too tired to make a new one) Thank you to the most amazing beta-reader @hannahbarberra162 for helping me! Enjoy! <3

The sick bay gave you some type of safe space, if you could even call it that. 

With the door shut, you felt somewhat hidden, but as you unfortunately discovered, there was no lock on it. You had half a mind to try and block the handle off with a chair, but considering the strength and abilities of the crew aboard the ship, you knew that effort would be in vain.

It was quiet inside, but through the walls you could occasionally hear talking, though it was far enough away you couldn’t make out any words. You heard the loud laughter of Luffy on more than one occasion and the yelling of Nami. Part of you ached from the familiar sounds, but you stayed where you were. 

They weren’t your friends, you weren’t theirs. You betrayed them, and they sat by knowing their captain had kidnapped you.

Even if Sanji wanted to make it seem like all you needed was time and space to calm down. 

The world sounded like you were underwater, distant and blurry. There were voices, familiar, but you couldn’t place them or make out a single word. You hardly felt the soft linen under you, despite your instinctual movements causing you to grasp the sheets tightly in your fists.

Chopper had made his way back into the sick bay, his little face scrunched up with concern. He and Sanji began talking, and you sat silent, unable to make out what they were discussing.

It wasn’t until Chopper began shifting about, a needle in his grasp, that you felt thrust back into the present.

“What is that?”

“Oh!” He looked almost startled at your question, your eyes trained on the needle in his hand.

After a moment, the look on his face shifted, and he looked almost guilty for a moment, “Your heart rate’s  been elevated for an extended period of time and  you hadn’t been able to calm yourself down then. I needed to make sure your body was relaxed so you didn’t have a vasovagal episode or hyperventilate!” 

So, in short terms— 

“You were going to drug me?”

You knew that was spot on based on the shared look he and Sanji gave each other, before their looks turned back to you.

“Not- not in a bad way?” Chopper’s words came out more like a question, though he didn’t look fully convinced by his own statement.

You felt more in your body compared to before, and you could at least acknowledge that your heart rate was skyrocketing. You could feel it in your chest and your palms, hear it in your ears. 

“You,” You cleared your throat, feeling the itch come back as you did your best to shift back further on the bed, “You kidnapped me and you planned to drug me, how was this not in a bad way?”

The venom in your words caused Chopper to flinch back a bit, looking down at the needle before gently placing it on the sterilized tray that lay nearby. 

“If you can calm yourself down, then we won’t have to do anything. But if your heart rate stays as elevated as it is, I’d have to use a simple sedative to make sure there’s no damage.”

“How am I supposed to calm myself down?” You wished you could shout now, scream at the top of your lungs.

“Just take some deep breaths, my dear,” Sanji’s voice was soft, soothing, almost.

If this had been any different situation, you would have nearly melted at the way he spoke to you, but the calm look and gentle tone did nothing but heighten your anger.

“You son of a—”

It took you far longer than you wished to calm down to a level that Chopper decided you didn’t need to be drugged, sedated, in his terms. Admittedly, your final outburst at them did nothing to help that. Regardless, they backed off, Sanji stating you just needed room to breathe.

You needed more than that; you needed an escape route and a boat back to shore. Any shore at this rate.

Still, being wrapped up in your blanket, curled up in the sick bay while listening to the ocean outside, the muffled conversations made you feel far lonelier than you thought you had ever been. Days ago, and you’d have been out there with them, weeks before that, you’d have been on some other ship, stealing from some other poor soul. 

Every so often, you’d hear footsteps nearby, the floorboards outside creaking under someone’s weight. No one ever entered, no one ever knocked. A shadow would brush by the window on the door, and then they’d leave just as quickly. 

You wanted space, that much was true, but part of you ached for the opposite. 

Your time aboard the ship had provided you with a level of comfort you had long since forgotten. The warmth of soft embraces that made you feel special, the gentle words directed your way made you feel wanted. You had to fight down the urge to burst through the door and beg for their forgiveness.

You’d ask for their forgiveness when they asked you for yours. And the stubborn looks you had seen on Sanji’s face, in Luffy’s actions, in Chopper’s worry, you knew they wouldn’t. 

The stillness of the ship and the room lulled you, and before you knew it, you had been drifting off, uncomfortable as you sat, back against a wall.

Sanji had made sure to make Chopper’s drink relatively balanced. Sweet enough for the young doctor to enjoy it, but healthy enough that he wouldn’t worry after he finished it. He deserved it after earlier today. 

The rest of the crew made their way into the galley slowly, the scent of food drawing their hunger, but Sanji knew that wasn’t the only reason they had shown up.

The questions were clear in their eyes, but he wasn’t sure what or how he’d answer them.

“So,” Robin was the first to bring up the elephant in the room, cutting through the previous conversations, “How is our newest little thief?”

Chopper sighed, sounding too tired for a kid his age, “She’ll be fine as long as she doesn’t do anything strenuous! Her body needs time to heal, I got so used to treating Sanji or Zoro or Luffy that I forgot how long injuries like hers take to heal!” He tugged on his hat, abandoning his bendy straw as he hid his face, “I’m a horrible doctor!”

Zoro placed a hand on Chopper’s back, having taken a seat next to the young doctor. Robin was the one who moved to verbal comfort.

“That’s not true, doctor. We have a crew of incredibly strong individuals, most of whom, in turn, have quicker healing abilities. You merely grew accustomed to us, as is to be expected of you. But you responded quickly and effectively when Luffy brought her on board, which makes you a good doctor.”

He didn’t move from how he had hidden his face, but his slumped body wiggled in his seat, light giggles coming out, though a bit watery.

“That doesn’t make me happy at all, you jerk!”

Robin merely smiled, placing her book down, her attention shifting to glance between Luffy and Sanji.

“What is our plan here?”

Luffy, who was pouting at the prolongation, blinked at her, as if the question didn’t make sense to him. 

“Well, we wait for her to heal, right Chopper? She’ll only need to rest for like a week!” He was grinning now, excitement in his eyes.

Chopper just shook his head, finally out of hiding. “No, like I said, she’ll need to take the full time to heal. Her ankle will probably heal in about two weeks? But the bruising on her ribs was deep, I’m afraid it might take four or five weeks for her to be able to move around without pain or discomfort.”

“Five weeks?” As per usual for their captain, his jaw stretched and hit the table, surprise evident on his face.

“I told you she wasn’t going to heal as fast as you all do!” Chopper cried out, slamming his hooves on the table, “She doesn’t have a devil fruit, and she hasn’t trained like Zoro has! Her body’s… fragile?”

The ending of his sentence came out more like a question, as if unsure “fragile” had been the word he wished to use.

Luffy retracted his jaw, taking a moment to think, before shrugging, “Alright, then we wait that long for her to heal. She can stay on the ship whenever we dock, so she doesn’t hurt herself more, and when she can move, we’ll figure out what she can do! Maybe she can help Sanji in the kitchen? Sanji, would that mean I get more food?”

Huffing out a laugh, he bustled about, setting plates in front of his crew, already having set one aside for you, “It may mean I can work faster, but I’m not redoing your meal and snack schedule, captain.”

Luffy began whining, dramatic as always. Nami was the next one to pipe up.

“So she’s staying?”

The question hung in the air for a second, then two, then—

“Of course she’s staying,” Lifting his head up from the table, Luffy stared her down, not unkind but serious, “She’s Sanji’s. Which means she’s a member of the crew. Which means she’s ours.”

“Yeah but, she stole from us,” Usopp started, leaning back in his chair, “And then ran from us.” 

“If we’re basing people’s worth on being part of the crew based on stealing and running, most of us would be long gone,” Zoro was quick to respond, a pointed look directed Usopp’s way.

Startled, the legs of his chair hit the ground with a thud, waving his hands around to do damage control, “I mean— that doesn’t tell me she wants to be part of the crew, you know? Like, if she ran— she didn’t ask us for help! She stole from Nami!”

Nami, though having looked earlier like she was annoyed by the situation, took Usopp’s statement in, before sighing. 

“I hadn’t wanted to be part of the crew towards the beginning, nor did Zoro. Or Sanji, if we’re being honest,” She sighed, “So that’s not the greatest argument.”

“She just needs time to settle,” This was the first time Sanji spoke up, plating the food, smacking Luffy’s hand away with little to no thought, “Her life before wasn’t a good one, so it’ll take her time to adjust.”

He was smiling as he spoke, and Nami and Usopp exchanged glances. Lovesick was one word to describe his expression. 

Robin hummed, thanking Sanji for the food, “Do let us know if we can help at all, cook.”

“Ah, young love,” Brook crooned, hands pressed together as Sanji began plating the separate plate, his movements precise, “It makes my heart skip a beat, that is, if I had a heart!”

Cheeks pink, Sanji just huffed a laugh, softly kicking the leg of the chair Brook was seated on, but making no comment.

Taglist: @hannahbarberra162 @sagyunaro @twismare @nerium21 @the-maladaptive-daydreamers @glaciuswduo @thekatisspooky @kultofkorii @cr4zybeach @ceramic-raven @theweirdgirl606 @jjsmeowthie @dinnersyummy @jetblackw1ngs @mizzhellsingsstuff @naheku @onepieceofass @zoecelestine @1sosleepyy @rururgent @flow33didontsmoke @mizzhellsingsstuff

[2hff]

I am also upset that the "big emergency" was so fucking lackluster. Like if Tim wasn't so fucking set on having the 118 "seperated and then finding their way back to each other" be at an uninspired building collapse then they could have been done with it in 12 minutes and spent the rest of the show on the actual storylines of the characters finding their way back home.

You know what would have been a MUCH better flow for the episode:

>Everyone at the station. Eddie gets his turnouts. Hen says no cap. Buck, being a dick, says "It's just a number now." Chin looks around and says something like "That's it, then? Eight years of us and it's just over?" Sad faces. Dramatic tension visible as they all won't meet each others eyes, etc. Blah blah moody lighting and camera angles, our babies are going through it.

>They get the call for the building collapse while all still together. Call center makes it seem like they're not going to have a lot of back up (all the other firehouses are actually off grieving bobby or some shit), so Eddie decides to go with them.

>The rescues still play out basically the same except FASTER. Chim AND Hen find Athena cause they're clearing the building. (There was no reason to have the whole athena/chim together thing because NOTHING really happened to move their characters forward until everyone else got there.) Gerrard doesn't let Eddie go with Buck because he's technically not employed so he has to stay down there. When Buck and Ravi get trapped, he has his idea. Bing Bang Boom shave off like idk 7 minutes.

>The Graham scene still plays out EXACTLY as it was on the show. (THAT is what we should have had with Bobby's death.) The whole team working to save him. The tension, the fear, the grief was thicker in that scene then the dust floating around and the soot coating their faces. And then the save. And the relief. And the imagery of them all carrying Graham out into the light as a TEAM?? Breathtaking. And then. And then...they all turn away from each other because even though they were united in that one moment - these people are still monumentally fractured in their mourning.

>Chim's Goonie's Never Say Die speech still happens, but without the whole calling out Buck and Eddie and not giving them the choice. But something more pleading. Please don't leave, please don't break this family even more. Please don't. Slightly more optimistic lighting and camera angles. There's a softening. A small release of tension.

>Then you spend the other idk 29.5 minutes stitching our babies back together. You see someone reach out to the other. You see Hen in the car with Athena. You see Chim and Maddie (and well EVERYONE if this was the 118 from several seasons ago) at the adoption. You see Eddie talking to Chris about moving back, with Buck in the background. You see them packing and unpacking. You see Buck sleeping on the couch with apartment hunting tabs open on his computer. You see Chim stocking gear and Buck checking off on his clipboard. They're teasing each other. You see Hen laughing in the background with Ravi - showing him a picture of Figure Skating Bobby. You see Eddie opening his locker and hanging his photo of him and Chris up. You see Chim slapping him on the back. You see Buck cooking in the firehouse. You see Athena placing one of Bobby's aprons around Buck's neck. She lingers over his heart. You see Maddie joining them for lunch. You see her water break. You see all of them jumping up and chaos getting her down the stairs. You see them piling in to the ambulance and captain's vehicle to race to the hospital. You see Athena clearing the way in her police car. You see Ravi looking like he's going to check how dilated Maddie is and then Buck elbowing him and covering both their eyes as Chim does it. You see Karen ushering Denny and Mara into the car at their house cause Eddie called since Hen's driving. He grabs the bar above the door as they take a turn. Hen flashes him a smile and Eddie shakes his head. You see May on the phone and yelling at Harry and Christopher to stop gaming cause they gotta go! You see the ambulance arrive at the hospital and they're pulling Maddie out of the back. It's cinematically shot almost the same way as when they all brought Graham out of the building. Only this time. This time there is joy. There is family. They are together. They have found each other again. They have chosen this. Chim places Robert KEVIN Han into Athena's arms. "Hello, Bobby."

See. It's basically the EXACT SAME EPISODE. No Buddie Canon, No Bobby alive in a govt research lab. It's the same. Only so so so much better and about the characters. It's about the family of the 118.

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

i am so delighted with Andor 2.10 "Make It Stop". It's like for the first time, this became the show I always wanted it to be for an entire episode. it's so good it has everything, the gorgeous clean visuals, the beautifully efficient dialogue, a return to a show-don't-tell approach to storytelling, spy shenanigans without hand-holding and overexplanation, genuinely brutal and morally reprehensible acts that are necessary but evil, actions that look like they make sense for an operative who has been in the trenches and actually knows what they are doing. And we finally get the two things that should have always been at the core of this premise:

the tragedy is in character consistency. You set a character up to be a certain way, you show how they got there, you make us sympathetic to why they are like that. Then you put them in a situation where we don't want them to react the way we know they are going to. And then they do anyway. And it's a win! It's a win for the cause! But also we're so heartbroken for them!! It's so tragic! It's hopeful and sad and it feels so weighty and inevitable, this is what I wanted this show to feel like!

The greatest proof of love in a story where the spies and the zealots are the sympathetic protagonists should be this. It should be "I will choose the Rebellion over you, because I know that's what you would have wanted, and I will regret that choice for the rest of my life but I'll know that you would have never forgiven me if I had chosen you instead"

And the thing is, this should have been Cassian and Draven. This is exactly the dynamic that was implied between Cassian and Draven in the retconned canon - this is how you do the "abduct a child for their safety" storyline!!! Luthen (and, between the lines of the Fest backstory, Draven) grab a feral, hypercompetent child out of the jaws of Imperial crackdowns knowing they're saving their life but in full awareness that the life they are giving this child will not be a good one. And they are both the kind of man who would look that fact in the eye and who would come to love that child and put them through it anyway. For The Cause. This is the story I always wanted to see and honestly, right now I'm not even mad we're getting it with different characters, I'm just sad there wasn't more of it. But this was perfect.

[you-little-arsonist]

sooooo, i haven't read everyone's takes yet but. my expectations for a buddie hint in the finale were higher than i realized and i'm not Great At Emotions so i had to kind of sit with my disappointment for a while bc i felt upset, and i felt kind of stupid for being upset. but after i turned it off, logged the fuck out for a few hours, got some sleep, and talked it out a little with a pal, i feel a lot better and things seem clearer

everyone's feelings are valid, feel however you feel about it, i am not here to be all toxic positivity. to anyone. i was really disappointed. after the ryliver press tour, the kitchen scene, and all the callbacks that made me think they were going to drop a buddie hint, it sucked when they didn't. am i way too invested in the gay firefighters on the gay firefighter show? probably i guess

but. i don't think it's as bad as it felt last night. like, we didn't get an explicit reference to buddie, but we didn't get nothing, either. we have actually gotten quite a few significant things in the episodes leading up to the finale. lots of feelings!! buck thinking about his feelings for eddie, eddie letting him know he needed him when bobby died, those things are not nothing. they're small steps toward a big thing. it's going to take a lot of small steps to get there

just some thoughts

eddie and chris are back in LA, and eddie back in LA means buck has to physically look him in the eye after now having been asked about his feelings for him. that's going to have to be addressed

sure buck is looking for apartments but why is he doing so in the most pitiful, meow meow way. his bestie is home, you'd think he'd be thrilled, but no he looked sad in a way that wasn't tied to bobby. personally i feel that there's something there that's going to have to be addressed

not to keep going about GA this GA that but as a friend pointed out, for the queers the slow burn might have started in season 2, but for those GA viewers, the slow burn hasn't even started yet. the seed was only just planted by tommy and maddie. we're going to have to show the general audience the YEARNING, it's about the PINING. do you see the vision

as for the queerbaiting allegations, those feelings are valid and i stand by that, but personally - for me - i don't feel truly queerbaited by a show that has so much queer rep and partly run by queer ppl (i know it can happen, i saw teen wolf happen but i don't think that's what's happening here) and for myself i feel like maybe it's okay to lean on that a little and trust it. maybe i will get hurt again, but i do have more trust in this show than i did for say, a prior unnamed show where the writers were actively homophobic

basically tldr i don't think it was queerbaiting, i still think they're doing buddie slowburn, they're just doing it slow. and you want slow, even if it feels unbearable now, so they do it right. there wasn't time in this episode to do anything justice, and i see that now that i've put down the ryliver cocaine and slept it off a little

which, final point - if you are doing a queer slowburn, turning the ryliver chemistry hose on full blast on a press tour before the finale is shitty but actually a smart strategy to keep the ratings up and the queers occupied going into hiatus without giving the GA whiplash, no matter how it makes me feel personally. yeah it's an underhanded, show business-y dick move to do it before the finale but i don't think that automatically makes it queerbait or means they won't do buddie. just my unpopular opinion i guess

[annewithaneofthegreengable]

Summer Serendipity

Summary: It was the summer break between the races, and Oscar suddenly came across a travel magazine about a quiet town in Northern Ireland on the work desk of someone who had left it open when he was visiting McLaren’s HQ in Woking. Next thing, he was on his way to Belfast, with nothing much on his mind, no worries about the championship standings, the braking mode, the corners or chicanes,... Nothing, just him and his summer getaway in Belfast.

Meanwhile, Edith Ezra, a devoted single mother working at a quaint cafe in Belfast, cherishes her two children, Ivy and Eddie, above all else. Having faced the heartbreak of their father's abandonment, Edith has built a life centred around providing for her family and creating a sense of stability for her children.

When Oscar's path crosses with Edith's in Belfast, their worlds collide in unexpected ways. As Oscar finds himself drawn to the warmth and genuine kindness of Edith and her children, he begins to see a different side of life beyond the fast-paced world of racing.

A/N: I'm so so so so sorry I forgot to add the taglist in the last post!

The date had gone by in a warm, candlelit blur.

Oscar had chosen a little bistro tucked beside the river, lowlights, old music playing from speakers that occasionally crackled like they had stories of their own, and a menu handwritten in looping cursive. They’d shared a plate of something neither of them could pronounce, laughed until her cheeks hurt, and talked about everything from school lunches to the smell of racetracks.

Well. Not quite everything.

He hadn’t brought it up again, the whole being-famous thing. And she hadn’t pressed. Not over the clink of wine glasses or the way he’d leaned in every time she spoke like she was saying something precious. The moment had been too gentle, too full of something new, to fill it with questions.

But she hadn’t forgotten.

Now, back at the flat, the night hummed with quiet. Ivy and Eddie had waited up, of course, and were now pretending to be asleep on the couch, faces squished into pillows, limbs arranged far too neatly to be natural.

“They were out cold at nine,” Angie whispered as she tiptoed toward the door. “But five minutes ago Ivy told me about an episode from Bluey so I don’t trust them.”

Luke was already halfway down the stairs, muttering something about updating his fantasy league predictions now that “McLaren Piastri” had officially entered the group chat of his life.

Edith just stood in the hallway for a moment, still clutching the little brown paper wrap from Oscar’s flowers, not ready to let the evening go yet.

She turned and found him still standing by the door, hands in his pockets, that familiar quiet smile on his face, like he was content to just exist in the air around her.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” she asked, soft.

He nodded once. “I’d like that.”

She led him into the kitchen, flicking on the kettle. It was instinct at this point, no matter the hour, tea followed her home like a shadow. She glanced at him as she reached for the mugs.

“Ivy and Eddie are absolutely going to fake-sleep until they think you’ve left.”

Oscar laughed under his breath. “Should I wave goodnight to them and pretend I’m leaving, Mission: Impossible style?”

She smirked. “You’d win them for life.”

They stood in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to hiss. The soft amber light above the sink made everything feel smaller, cozier. Quieter. Like this moment was wrapped in a bubble.

Oscar rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly serious. “Can I tell you something?”

Edith looked up. “Of course.”

He took a breath, and for a second, she saw the same nerves that had danced behind his eyes on their walk over.

“I should’ve told you earlier. About what I do. Who I am.” He paused. “It’s not that I was trying to lie or pretend to be someone I’m not. I just… didn’t want that to be the first thing you knew about me.”

She nodded slowly, waiting.

“I drive in Formula 1,” he said quietly. “For McLaren.”

There it was. Said out loud this time. Not whispered at her doorstep or hinted at in the space between jokes.

“I figured that much out after Luke nearly fainted,” she said, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

Oscar chuckled, but his expression stayed gentle. “I like you, Edith. And I didn’t want… that part of my life to get in the way. Or change how you saw me.”

Edith looked at him for a long moment. He wasn’t just talking about being famous. He was talking about being seen, the parts of him that lived between travel and pressure and headlines. The parts that came alive not behind a wheel, but across a café table from someone who asked about his favourite book, not his last lap time.

“I’m glad you told me,” she said, stepping closer. “And for the record, I saw you first. The one who listens when Ivy talks about mermaid kingdoms. The one who helps Eddie put syrup on pancakes without making a mess. That’s who I said yes to.”

Oscar swallowed, just once. “That’s the part I wanted you to like.”

“I do,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Very much.”

The kettle clicked off.

Before she could move, a sleepy voice called from the hallway, “Muuum?”

They both turned.

Ivy stood there, hair sticking up wildly, clutching her blanket like a weary queen.

“Did he kiss you?” she mumbled.

Oscar turned absolutely scarlet.

Edith blinked, wide-eyed. “Ivy!”

“I just wanna know if it’s real,” Ivy said, completely serious. “Angie says she thinks it was.”

Oscar gave her a tiny wave, barely managing not to choke on his laugh.

“Yes,” Edith said with a sigh, cheeks warm. “He did.”

Ivy gave a satisfied nod. “Cool,” she said, then turned and padded back toward the couch.

There was a long beat of silence before Oscar said, “So... that’s your approval committee.”

“That’s not all the members from the committee but I don’t make the rules,” Edith whispered, shaking her head.

He looked at her then, eyes full of something she wasn’t ready to name yet, but wanted to keep reaching for.

“I should go,” he said, but it wasn’t a goodbye. Not really.

She walked him to the door, and just before he stepped out into the quiet street, he turned.

“I’m not great at all this,” he said. “The talking part. The vulnerable part.”

“You’re doing fine,” she said. “Really.”

He hesitated, then leaned in and kissed her, slow, sure, and a little longer than before. Not rushed. Not a question.

When they pulled apart, she whispered, “Walk safe, McLaren Boy.”

Oscar grinned. “Yes, ma’am.”

And with that, he disappeared into the night, leaving behind only the softest echo of laughter and the faint scent of lilies on her kitchen counter.

---------------------------------------------------

Oscar stood in the dim glow of his rented bathroom, brushing his teeth like a man who had just survived something emotionally significant. The lilies he’d picked up,  slightly lopsided and vaguely crushed from being clutched too tightly on the walk, were still etched in his memory like a photograph. So was the way Edith had smiled at him. The kiss. The kids. All of it.

He spat, rinsed, stared at himself in the mirror.

“Okay,” he told his reflection. “You didn’t screw it up.”

Mostly.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand. A little after midnight. He dried his hands and picked it up, expecting nothing. But it was a text from her

[TEXT FROM EDITH]Safe back to your place?Also: I think the committee approved you. Just a heads up.

He laughed aloud, thumb already moving before his brain caught up.

[TEXT FROM OSCAR]Made it. And thank them for me. I was worried no one had started drafting the seating chart.Tonight was… really good.

A minute passed. Then her reply:

[TEXT FROM EDITH]Yeah. It really was.

He smiled at the screen like an idiot. Then dropped the phone onto the bed, paused, and immediately picked it back up.

Time to text the other person who had way too much investment in this entire situation.

[OSCAR → LANDO]So, she found out.

Three dots appeared immediately.

[TEXT FROM LANDO]About what? That you like crab sandwiches more than most humans?Or that you’re a literal international athlete pretending to be a mysterious bloke from the café around the corner?

[TEXT FROM OSCAR]The second one.

[TEXT FROM LANDO]OH MY GOD FINALLY What’d she say? Did she throw something at you?

Oscar rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.

[TEXT FROM OSCAR]No. She said she saw me first. Not the driver. That she liked me anyway.

There was a brief pause. Then:

[TEXT FROM LANDO]Okay That’s… actually really nice Ugh. Gross. Feelings.

[TEXT FROM LANDO]Did she kiss you?

Oscar hesitated, then sent:

[TEXT FROM OSCAR]Yes.

[TEXT FROM LANDO]More than once?

[TEXT FROM OSCAR]I’m not answering that.

[TEXT FROM LANDO]That’s a yes You soft little pancake

Oscar laughed, leaning back against the pillows.

[TEXT FROM OSCAR]It’s different with her. I don’t feel like I’m being watched. Or judged. I feel... still.

[TEXT FROM LANDO]Wow. Okay. Who are you and what have you done with my teammate?

[TEXT FROM LANDO]Seriously, though. That sounds good. I’m happy for you, mate.

Oscar stared at the message for a long time. The flat was quiet around him. The lights outside the window blinked across the skyline. And for once, he wasn’t counting laps or corners. He was just... sitting with it.

[TEXT FROM OSCAR]Yeah. Me too.

He silenced the phone and placed it face-down on the nightstand. Then he let out a quiet breath, ran a hand through his hair, and turned out the light.

In the dark, his mind flicked through the night like a slideshow, Edith in that blue dress, laughing with her eyes crinkling at the corners. The kids. The committee. Her saying she liked him anyway.

---------------------------------------------------

Sunday mornings in the flat usually smelled like maple syrup and felt like slightly controlled chaos.

Edith had barely tied her hair up when Ivy came bounding into the kitchen wearing mismatched socks and a pair of sunglasses that had definitely been pilfered from the lost-and-found basket at the café.

“Mum,” she said with the seriousness of a detective mid-investigation. “We have questions.”

Eddie followed behind her, dragging his stuffed polar bear, his mouth already stained faintly with jam. “Very important questions.”

Edith raised an eyebrow as she flipped the pancake on the skillet. “If this is about how many syrup bottles we can use at once, the answer is one.”

“Nope,” Ivy said, plopping into a chair. “It’s about Oscar.”

Edith blinked. “Oscar?”

“He’s on the internet,” Ivy announced, pulling out a crumpled sheet of paper with what looked like printed screenshots. “Like, a lot. There’s videos. Of him driving. Really fast.”

Eddie nodded gravely. “Faster than that scary taxi we took last winter.”

“You Googled him?”

“Auntie Angie did it because we wanted to know if he was famous-famous like uncle Luke said” Ivy said. “Turns out? Super famous.”

Eddie held up one finger. “There’s a picture of him on a podium holding a trophy. And another one with a fireproof suit. Like a superhero!”

Before Edith could respond, the buzzer rang.

She froze, spatula in hand, and tried to hide the immediate smile that rose to her lips. “That’s probably him.”

Ivy and Eddie squealed like puppies and bolted down the hall before she could stop them. She heard Ivy shout, “WE HAVE QUESTIONS!” through the intercom.

By the time Edith opened the door, Oscar was standing there with a bakery bag in one hand and an expression that said he’d been greeted more gently by the Monaco press.

“Good morning,” he said cautiously. “I bought croissants and also fear.”

Edith bit back a laugh. “They found Google, didn’t they?”

“Oh, they found Google,” Oscar said, stepping inside. “I think I’ve been fact-checked.”

Ivy immediately grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the couch. “Why didn’t you tell us you were a race car driver?!”

“I didn’t want to make it weird,” Oscar said, letting himself be pulled.

Eddie narrowed his eyes. “Do you have a fireproof suit?”

“Technically I have five,” Oscar said, sitting down.

The twins gasped.

“Can we wear them?”

“No.”

“Can you drive us in a race car?”

“No.”

“Can you name a race car after us?”

Oscar smiled. “I’ll consider it.”

Edith stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching the scene unfold. There was something so strange, and lovely, about watching someone like Oscar, someone who spent his life in roaring engines and press rooms, sit here calmly answering questions about whether Formula 1 cars had cup holders.

He wasn’t performing. He wasn’t showing off. He was just in it, open, real, and somehow still a little shy, even as Ivy tried to convince him to autograph a cereal box.

When she finally stepped in with a plate of pancakes, Oscar looked up at her with quiet gratitude, like he wasn’t just grateful for breakfast, but for the whole morning.

“Coffee?” she asked, setting the plate down beside him.

“Always,” he said.

Ivy leaned into him dramatically. “You’re famous-famous and you drink coffee. You’re basically a grown-up.”

Oscar grinned. “Don’t tell anyone.”

As the kettle whistled and the twins argued about whether “Team Oscar” sounded better than “Team Pancake,” Edith felt something unfamiliar settle in her chest.

It wasn’t fear. It wasn’t nerves.

It was ease.

And watching Oscar laugh, head tilted back, cheeks slightly flushed, as Eddie tried to feed him a bite of syrup-drenched waffle, she realized something:

Maybe he didn’t just fit into this little life of theirs.

Maybe, just maybe, he belonged.

The sun was dipping low, the kind of late-summer evening that made everything feel softer. The flat smelled like shampoo and the lingering sweetness of strawberry ice cream. The twins had collapsed into a post-playdate heap on the couch after watching two full episodes of Bluey, giggling until they were sleepy-eyed and tangled in the same blanket.

Oscar helped Edith gather up the toys and stuffed animals scattered across the living room floor. Eddie's polar bear had ended up half under the kitchen table again. Oscar retrieved it without question, like it had become part of his unofficial duties.

“Do they ever stop moving?” he asked with a laugh, tossing the bear back onto the couch.

“No,” Edith replied, smiling as she flicked off the TV. “They just recharge for twenty minutes, then start again.”

She moved toward the kitchen, rinsing two tiny bowls in the sink, her motions automatic, practiced. Oscar stood nearby, leaning against the counter, watching her with quiet admiration.

“They like you,” she said over the running water. “A lot.”

“I like them too,” he said. “I mean, they’re chaos. But they’re... really good chaos.”

There was a brief silence, the kind that wasn’t uncomfortable, just waiting for one of them to push through it.

Edith dried her hands on a towel and glanced his way. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why are you doing all this?” Her voice was soft. Not accusing, just... uncertain. “The pancakes, the park trips, watching Bluey three times in a row?”

Oscar shifted his weight, unsure how to say it out loud. “Because I want to. Because I want to be around you.”

She looked down, then up again. “You don’t have to prove anything.”

“I’m not,” he said, more firmly this time. “I just... I like this. I like you. I like them. I like how it all feels when I’m here.”

Edith studied him for a second, and then stepped back, leaning against the other side of the counter. She crossed her arms lightly, more for warmth than defense.

“Their dad left before they were born,” she said quietly. “Found out I was pregnant and decided he wasn’t ready. Or didn’t want to be ready. I haven’t seen him since.”

Oscar didn’t say anything right away. He knew not to rush the silence.

“They’re turning five in November,” she added. “And not once have they asked why he’s not around. I don’t know if that’s good or sad.”

“It’s not sad,” he said. “They have you. And... maybe they’ll have someone else too. If you let me keep being part of this.”

She looked at him, a mix of something careful and something hopeful in her expression. “You’re younger than me, you know.”

“Only barely.”

“Still, it’s 3 years apart.”

“Still doesn’t bother me.”

Another pause. Softer now.

Oscar scratched the back of his neck, suddenly nervous in a way that surprised even him. “I’ve been trying to say something, actually. But it feels kind of... too big? And also not enough? And also maybe I’m going to totally mess it up.”

Edith tilted her head slightly. “What is it?”

“I think I’m…” he started, then stopped.

She waited, patient.

“I think I’m on my way to being really... I mean, I already did…” He sighed. “I really, really like you. And it’s kind of past the like part. But I don’t want to make it weird or scare you or,”

Edith stepped closer, reached out, and touched his hand gently.

“Say it,” she whispered. “If you want to.”

Oscar looked down at their hands, then up into her eyes.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he said. “Actually, I think I already have.”

She didn’t speak right away. Just smiled, soft and full of something deep and steady. Then she leaned up and kissed him, slow, deliberate, full of promise.

“I’m glad,” she said against his lips. “Because I think I’m falling too.”

From the couch, a sleepy voice broke the silence.

“Are you kissing again?” Eddie mumbled.

Oscar laughed, forehead resting gently against Edith’s. “Definitely part of the chaos.”

That evening the flat smelled like garlic, roasted vegetables, and something vaguely burnt that Oscar insisted was “intentionally crispy.” Edith was fairly certain it wasn’t, but she let him have it. He was too proud of his tray of “race-day roast potatoes” to argue with.

Luke had already poured himself a glass of wine before sitting down. Angie brought a stack of homemade brownies she swore she “barely burnt this time,” and the twins were already deep in a heated debate about what is the best episode of Bluey. 

Oscar helped Edith set the table, brushing her arm gently as he passed her the forks. It was the kind of domestic rhythm that felt natural, like something they’d done a hundred times. And maybe, Edith thought, they would do it a hundred more.

Luke took a bite of potato, paused, and gave Oscar a skeptical nod. “Alright, McLaren. Not bad.”

“I’ve been trained by the best,” Oscar said, glancing at Edith.

“You cooked with me once and used three full cloves of garlic,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“And they were delicious cloves.”

Angie smirked into her wine glass. “Honestly, it’s a miracle none of this has gone viral yet. Race car driver makes Sunday dinner and survives.”

Luke leaned in, elbows on the table. “So, has anyone stopped you on the street yet, Oscar? Any selfie requests outside the café?”

Oscar shook his head, sheepish. “I’ve had a pretty good disguise so far: not wearing the fireproof suit.”

Ivy perked up from her seat. “Can I wear the fireproof suit?”

“Not yet, maybe when you are older,” Oscar said gently, “but I can get you a hat.”

Eddie gasped. “A racing hat?”

“Even better,” Oscar said. “An official one.”

Luke narrowed his eyes, intrigued. “Alright, Piastri. Since the kids are getting merch, I’m going to ask: when will you leave for the next race?”

Oscar wiped his hands on a napkin. “Actually... that’s kind of what I wanted to bring up.”

Everyone turned to look at him, Edith, Luke, Angie, and the two suddenly-wide-awake twins.

“I was thinking,” he said slowly, “if you’re all up for it... maybe you could come to the next Grand Prix. As my guests.”

Silence.

Then a collective explosion.

“Wait! seriously?” Angie nearly dropped her wine glass.

“You mean actual paddock passes?” Luke asked, eyes gleaming like he’d just been gifted a rare Pokémon card.

“Pit lane? Garage tour? Hospitality?”

Oscar shrugged like it was nothing, but he was already grinning. “I mean, yeah. If you want. I can get you passes, flights, everything.”

Ivy clapped her hands. “Do we get to wear matching outfits?!”

Eddie looked equally thrilled. “Do we get snacks?”

“Absolutely to both,” Oscar said. “I can promise you’ll love the track food.”

“Can we meet other drivers too, please say yes Oscar!” Luke said with heart-eyes literally. 

“I’ll see if I can pull some strings but yes.”

Edith was staring at him now, not with surprise, not exactly, but with something warmer. Something quieter.

“You’d really do all that?” she asked softly.

Oscar glanced at her, a little nervous now. “Yeah. I mean... It's a big part of my life. And you’re all a big part of my life now too. So it feels right.”

Luke let out a low whistle. “Well, that’s one way to say I love you in group form.”

Oscar flushed. “I already said that, actually.”

Edith reached for his hand under the table. “You did. And now you’re trying to prove it with hats and hospitality.”

Angie raised her glass. “To love, racing, and possibly matching team uniforms.”

“To chaos!” Ivy added.

“To yummy snacks!” Eddie shouted.

They all laughed, the kind of laughter that spills over into the night and sticks to the walls, the kind that makes a place feel like home.

Oscar glanced around the table, cheeks still slightly pink, heart full.

Instagram Posts: @/Edithlovesedit

Liked by @/Angiethebougie, @/Luckyluke and 268 people.

@/Edithlovesedit: How I love being a woman at night and on mom's duties in the morning.

view all comments

@/Luckyluke: I saw a MILF

-> @/Angiethebougie: how i want to be that MILF

-> @/Edithlovesedit: u wanna try?

-> @/oscarpiastri: a very hot MILF, indeed (this comment has been deleted)

-> @/Luckyluke: man got rizz?

-> @/Edithlovesedit: what is rizz??

-> @/Angiethebougie: Charisma, babe

-> @/Edithlovesedit: oh that he's got plenty of it 😚

@/lando: hi comittee 🙌🏻

-> @oscarpiastri: go away lando

-> @/lando: ouch

-> @/lando: guess u will have to ask ur sisters for the advice mr.piastri

@/user404: guys what is lando and oscar doing here?

@/user233: maybe old fr?

@/user2021: idk about u but this momma is so pretty and she is a baker too

@/user44: wait i think that's oscar in the pic?

-> @/user16: let get u back to bed grandma

-> @/user27: ur delulu hits hard, gurl

@/user372: are they twins?

-> @/Edithlovesedit: yes they are twins, the girl is a tad bit older

@/user198: oh I know her, she is the coffee shop's owner in my town... her cinnamon swirl is chefs kiss

-> @/user22: yes is it the bean & blossom, they are quite aesthetic

Taglist: @teamnovalak, @angelluv16, @frankiejo04, @manuztb, @httpsxnox@devilacot@maximuminfluencerstarlight@bee-the-loser, @taetae-armyyyyy @mynameisangeloflife

[soliadiaz]

can i just vent about eddie's arc this season cause i have so many thoughts about how it was done and it's not really positive

eddie's arc this season was all over the place and the ending wasn't built satisfactory enough.

let's start with the kim situation that everybody and their mama hated. atp it's common knowledge that it was all because chris' actor gavin couldn't be present much for filming so they had to justify chris not being there. okay, understandable motivation, not understandable execution. won't be talking much about it other than it felt a bit out of character for eddie who we were supposed to assume wasn't in the dark place because of shannon anymore for a long time now. but they had to fuck it up a bit to fit the narrative <- keeping that in mind for now.

so the s8a comes and chris is still in texas for who knows how long and eddie's parents are keeping eddie in the dark about things and just being shitty, and eddie just lets it all happen. which is questionable but okay, we can justify that with the immense level of eddie's guilt and again gavin's availability.

we also get an eddie and hot priest talk about drinking water and denying himself of joy (juice). and then eddie starts choosing joy and dances half naked at home and then greets his best male friend still half naked, sweaty and happy. yay right? not for long.

so the s8b comes and eddie's buying a house while being broke and moving to el paso without talking about it with chris once before commiting. (this moving should've been just a (long) visit). and we get a scene of him trying to apply for a firefighter position in el paso and we get a captain telling him he can't offer the position cause he already got someone bail on him because of a wife in a different city. not foreshadowing at all we thought :) well, yeah, turned out it was not, and was just nothing 👍

so eddie is an uber driver now! and he had to sell his truck that was one of the things he let himself indulge in, yeah whatever.

and he keeps talking and facetiming 24/7 with his male best friend that's now living in his house cause he's just a good friend like that! and eddie tells him that he wants to come back but he wouldn't kick him out of the house, he wouldn't! yeah, we're keeping that in mind :)

and the best friend is helping him navigate the problems in eddie's relationships with his son and they're getting better, and eddie tells his mother off, and eddie's being a little petty bitch to his father, everything finally starts to feel good :)

then we get no eddie for 2 episodes in a row cause he's suddenly not relevant to the story. the story where his ex captain and a good friend fucking dies. and eddie's not even there.

and then eddie's back in LA for the funeral, and we don't get a scene where he finds out about bobby's death cause that was off screen! and we don't get the airport meet up with the best friend who felt his missing like a hole in his chest. we don't even get a hug. cause that was off screen! okay, whatever.

and then eddie stays in LA longer than he thought, and he says he's missed being home (in LA, not el paso) and those words are coming out of his own mouth. he called LA home.

and then he goes home (a home he shares with his male best friend) and they have a fight about grief. oh look at that, we finally got the scene of eddie getting a call about bobby, small wins, am i right :) see, eddie wasn't there when bobby died and that killed him a bit too. and he was once again kept in the dark of what was happening, so he's drowning in that guilt of not being there for his (chosen) family. so you would think that would make him want to stay in LA for good, well, hold that thought!

eddie leaves a note that he's going to the airport (hello shannon parallel), so he's leaving after all? sike! eddie brings his son (the one he moved to el paso for) to LA to apologize and cheer up his male best friend with whom he was raising that kid for years now. where was the conversation with chris about it? hell if we know, it was off screen :)

we also get a scene of eddie's aunt (previously known for setting eddie up on dates) being happy to see eddie's male best friend finally cooking in his kitchen and talking about "our eddie" and change with him. wonder what that could mean :) apparently nothing.

have i mentioned that the episode was called "don't drink the water" and there was a hot priest in it even! everyone screamed "eddie choose the joy!!" eddie wasn't even the one talking with the priest :) okay, whatever, he still brought chris back to LA, he chose joy right?

wrong. eddie and chris are moving back to el paso. for whatever fucking reason. no one talked about it cause no one is talking about big issues here properly. yeah, he's moving but then he sees his (chosen) family needs help and he runs to help them risking missing his flight to el paso. and then he revels in the feeling of being back together with his team, of helping people, of being a firefighter. and you would think that he would take this as a sign to finally stay here cause that's obviously what his heart wants. (just like it was in s5) wrong. he's still looking for flights to el paso. but then all it takes for him to stop wanting moving to el paso is chimney taking his phone and talking some speech. and that's it. that's how eddie stays.

no real internal conflict, no talking with anyone about his decisions, no real "choosing joy" for himself. we're just being shown him following through those decisions without really understanding his motivation. he's just being thrown around from LA to el paso and back for drama, for the narrative needs. fuck if it contradicts his own character growth (remember the kim situation), his words before of calling LA home, of wanting to come back and be a firefighter at 118 even.

like what was the point of him wanting to come back to el paso in the finale? what is there in el paso really?? there's nothing, chris is already here with him. and chris talked with eddie a bit about how all of these things for chris there were all for his grandparents and not for him really. just one fucking genuine talk with chris about the whole el paso situation and they would come back to LA even before 8x14. but no, the show wanted drama, the show wanted fake high stakes, the show wanted big moments happening off screen for whatever fucking reason.

and i get that this is a procedural drama, i get it. but i also know that this show used to be about characters too, used to really care about them and their storyline, and growth. where is it now? i didn't see that with eddie this season.

where is eddie as a character since season 7? he got chris back yeah, but if you remove this whole storyline, what is eddie's growth here? he just fixed his mistake but did he really change during the process? he could've learned to choose joy, that was a good point but they fumbled it by not explicitly showing eddie making the choice in the end.

and yeah let's talk about how it could've been such a good built up to buddie, and it would be a change for the characters. the change was a theme in 8x17 after all. and 8x18 was called seismic shifts. there was so much potential, there were good points all along, i'll give them that, and we were so close to something really meaningful. but they wasted it all for some cheap drama. and that i will be disappointed about.

and we didn't even get the scene of eddie turning down el paso captain for the family in LA as a callback to that scene (showing eddie making a choice).

and eddie's male best friend with whom he raises his son and to whom he told he wouldn't kick him out of the house, is looking for a new apartment now. they weren't even roommates properly.

and on top of all of fucking that eddie didn't even get to drink the juice.

[murderbot-moodboard]

Okay, first thoughts on Murderbot (below the cut for light spoilers):

- I like that the show is emphasizing some of the things that are easy to forget as a fan who's read the whole series multiple times. Murderbot is a killing machine. It does consider killing everyone a legitimate option. It is not a human, it's a corporate product who's been forced to take a very pragmatic view of life due to its harsh experiences. All of this is good soup.

- Skarsgård as Murderbot is endearingly awkward and I'm really loving his performance!

- All the PresAux characters seem to fit pretty well with their book characterizations, and the small changes/additions only enhance their characters imo. I love them all and am gobbling up their added lore like Hostile One tried to gobble Bharadwaj (too soon?).

- Something that was never spelled out in the books but has been discussed by book fans is that Gurathin is kind of a human counterpart to Murderbot, and most of the things Murderbot dislikes about him are traits Murderbot itself has to some degree. The show seems to me to be deliberately playing up this theme, such as by having Murderbot and Gurathin react with similar disgust to Arada's comment about Murderbot's face, and showing Gurathin getting uncomfortable watching the visual of the throuple making out. I think this is a great choice and am really looking forward to seeing how their dynamic develops from here.

- Also, Gurathin is definitely acting more clearly like an asshole than in ASR, and that choice not only makes his character and the overall interpersonal dynamics more interesting, but it gives Murderbot a chance to make all sorts of snarky comments in its head which are very funny.

- Interestingly though, Gurathin is the one insisting on it/its pronouns for Murderbot early on, which could look like him being antagonistic but I suspect might be shown to fit Murderbot's preference later on. Also he is now show-canonically from the Corporation Rim, which is something that was sort of maybe implied but never actually confirmed in the books, despite its being the more popular fanon interpretation. (Fwiw I think it's the more interesting choice so it's nice to have confirmed.)

- Giving Mensah panic attacks seems like a good strategy for reflecting her inner fears and sense of responsibility in a way that translates better to TV.

- I laughed out loud at Pin-Lee's snark at the corporates, and I'm really interested in the way they're being fleshed out as a character who is aggressive but with a softer side, to paraphrase something Sabrina Wu said.

- Arada seems pretty similar to book characterization, and I love that we get to see her getting defensive of animals.

- Bharadwaj is more clearly going through it and her character seems more involved in the general events than at this point in the book, which are good choices.

- Ratthi seems pretty similar to the book so far, just with more details added which all seem consistent. We also got the iconic line "For fuck's sake, Ratthi!" lol.

- From Murderbot's early comments and what it sees of Pin-Lee's reactions, it's clear that the throuple is probably not going to be all smooth sailing, but any issues will likely be due to lack of clear communication about each person's feelings and preferences, so it's also theoretically solvable.

- The only thing that bothered me during the episodes was the parts where the audio was different or differently placed than what was in the trailers. But the changes between the first and second trailer (iirc) had already clued me in that they were being a bit flexible with the audio, so I wasn't as surprised as I would've been, I guess. Personally, since I tried not to have too many expectations outside of what was confirmed in the trailers and previews, it annoyed me that even those expectations weren't 100% reliable, but that's mostly an autism problem and I know I'll get over it.

- Other than the trailer thing I have zero complaints about the show so far! It seems to maintain the spirit of the books and their characters even in the parts that are added or changed, and I'm really, really looking forward to seeing the rest!

[lostwysteria]

(Part 17.

We're getting close to the end of the Nice arc. This part covers episode 3. It is also the longest so far, I think. I am excited for the next bits. I think i did good with episode 4. Just an FYI, I SUCK at fight scenes. So I tend to gloss over them. Also. Love the fact that in episode 6, Enlighter basically called Yang Cheng a broke ass bitch.)

Masterlist

“They killed it! Nice is now ranked 12 and Wreck is officially in his redemption arc. Homemaker jumped to rank 300 and even Moon went up ten ranks.” Miss J. Said to herself in satisfaction. She loved it when her plans panned out. Now on to making it to the top 10. She set her sights on Firm Man.

…

Nice was trembling as he washed Lin Ling’s hair. The blood came out easily from the silky strands. The wound wasn't serious. Just bled a lot. As head wounds tend to do. He was careful of the scab.

“I’m fine.” Ling reassured again after Nuce was done.

“What if you weren't, though?” Nice asked shakily, eyes wide and filled with unshed tears.

“Oh, darling. Come on. Let's go get into bed. Wreck's waiting for us. Today was long for all of us.” Ling cupped Nice's cheek and caught a stray tear with his thumb. 

He let himself be carried to the bed and be placed between the two other men. Nice clung to him and Wreck wrapped his strong arms around them both. They fell asleep like that, wrapped in a cocoon of comfort.

…

The next few days were spent indoors, to give the impression that they needed time to recover from the trauma. And that they were ‘working through’ things with Wreck.

In reality, Ling and Wreck were settling Nice down. He had been so high strung after. Even Moon had stopped by to check in. She had been huge in helping to distract the now ranked 12 hero. It didn't help that his powers were growing with just the three gained ranks. They were buzzing under his skin like angry bees. Funnily enough, though, his OCD hadn't gotten worse. 

Ling had politely put earbuds in and blasted some American metal music to drown out Wreck, wel, wrecking Nice in the bathroom to help burn off some of the energy. If Ling tried to leave it sent Nice into a panic. Thus the earbuds and American music.

He’d gotten a decent start on a fluffy, crocheted blanket that could engulf all three of them while Wreck took care of Nice. He had been blushing the whole time, of course.

Moon had died laughing over the video call later. She had been pissed no one had remembered to tell her what had been planned. In recompense, Ling now had to video call her twice a week. 

She had put her own name in his, Nice, and Wrecks phones as ‘Crash Out Queen’. A video of her suplexing Nice after Ling’s ‘kidnapping’ had gone absolutely viral. 

It had the added bonus of killing the rest of the NiceMoon ship. It had cemented firmly in the ‘siblings that lived to mess with each other’ territory in most people's eyes.

People found it cute that despite their romantic relationship failing, that they could settle into a familial dynamic.

Her ranking had gone up as well. People were impressed that she could suplex like that. It proved that she was physically strong and not just a pretty face.

…

“So. You want Nice to go after Wolf Girl, so he can hopefully break into the top ten spot?” Homemaker asked as he looked up from his blanket project. Wreck was sitting next to him with an arm around his shoulder. He was looking at Nice and Miss. J at the table in front of them. 

“Basically.” She agreed.

“That will mean having to move floors.” Nice grumped. “This was just starting to really feel like a home.”

“Look at it this way. We can get rid of that fucking statue.” Wreck threw in his ten cents. Nice perked up at that. “Better view from up there, too.”

Homemaker thought about how the tower worked. The top 50 heroes lived in it. Ranks 50 to 21 lived on the ‘lower floors’. Ranks 20 to 11 lived in the ‘middle floors’ and 10 to 1 lived on the highest. X, as number one, had the highest and largest floor. The ‘bottom floors’ were the public offices and operational. There were basement floors that acted as the private Operation floors. The floors were also inverted. It went by rank. The ground floor was still just that, but the first floor was at the top.

He couldn't believe he was about to say something so corny “Anywhere is home if you guys are there.” Homemaker told Nice. 

The other hero started purring so loud and hard in pure joy that he was visibly vibrating. Wreck let out his own low growly rumble in pure pleasure at that. Miss. J whipped her head over at him with narrowed eyes. The ‘what the fuck?’ clear in her gaze. She got out her phone and sent a message to someone before putting it back. 

“Any more objections?” She asked.

“None from me.” Nice said placidly, purr clear in his voice.

“Nope.” Wreck followed.

“More space means I can have a bigger herb garden.” Homemaker shrugged.

“Having you around was the best decision. I expected a fight.” Miss. J said bluntly. Homemaker grinned.

“I’ve been told I am amazing at preventing arguments before they even start.”

…

Nice, Homemaker, and Miss. J were standing in front of a drainage pipe. Nice was looking vaguely disgusted. 

“Yeah. I can see why getting to her would be a … bit difficult for Firm man.” Nice said delicately.

“Yeah. The people believe that Firm man will always stand tall…” Homemaker started.

“Which is great, unless…” Nice picked up.

“You need to crawl.” The two finished in unison. Wreck was laughing in their earpieces. He was waiting in a van not far, in case he needed to step in. Miss. J was always looking for opportunities.

Miss. J started explaining what Wolf Girl had been doing with her little comics. Wreck started choking on air for some reason.

“Are you okay, love?” Nice asked.

“Yeah. Just maybe realized something. Holy shit.” Wreck said, strangled.

Little did they know that he was looking at his larger than average canines in his phone's camera. He then went to the bookmark for chapter one of ‘Fangs and Claws’. The catboy Nice and wolf-hybrid Wreck fanfic by Shut Up and Dance. He muted the coms and started half laughing and half crying. “Oh my fuck. No god-damned way. Holy shit…” 

He swore off fanfic for the foreseeable future. He did not want to know.

…

“We may need a medic down here. I helped out a small timer and he attacked me after. I may have put him into the wall. Allegedly” Nice said sheepishly over the comms. 

Homemaker boggled at that. Who would even think of attacking his charge!?

Miss. J sighed.

…

“Miss. J, what is my current position?” Nice asked urgently. Homemaker went ramrod straight. Something was off.

 She did and was shocked. “Your current position is at the top of Hero Avenue!” 

She and Homemaker sprinted to the car and started booking it to the location. They heard the explosion.

“Nice? Darling, are you alright!?” Homemaker asked, mentally checking the Thread connecting them. Nothing seemed wrong.

“I’m fine, Sweetheart, I am looking for an exit, though.” He reassured him.

…

“I’m making my own exit.” Nice said after a few minutes. 

Wreck had exited the van a few minutes ago and was hidden, ready to jump in at a moments notice. Miss. J and Homemaker were on foot, running to the epicenter.

They arrived just as Nice broke through the concrete. People started cheering. They started cheering even more once they spotted Homemaker.

“Look! It’s Nice and Homemaker!” 

“My mom said they were a couple. Like her and dad!”

Homemaker blushed at that.

“Go! Before she hurts the kid!” Firm man said, straining under the weight of the statue. 

Homemaker himself was straining not to jump in himself. A child was involved. 

“She’s not going to hurt her. She's not going to hurt anyone. Not even that.” Nice pointed at the statue. “Am I right, Wolf Girl?”

People were really paying attention now.

“She’s here to tear down your facade and reveal the real you. The man that saved her years ago. The man she gave that red scarf to.” Nice explained. 

Firm man was in shock at that.

“She wants to set you free from the burden you now carry always.” Nice finished.

Wolf girl took off her mask and revealed a rather pretty young woman underneath. 

Firm Man was crying now and thanking Wolf Girl for giving him strength. His tears hit his boots and then they shattered. He was freed.

Unfortunately, that also meant the statue was too much now for him to bear. Nice and Wolf Girl rushed to the now kneeling hero to try and help. 

Homemaker felt his power surge once the statue fell on all three. He sprinted forward and started lifting. Panic was flooding his system. He felt someone rush over as well. It was Wreck. They felt the statue lifting. The tree of them lifted it together. Firm Man and Wolf Girl cleared the danger zone as soon as they could. They would be no help.

People were going nuts over Nice, Wreck, and Homemaker working together.

They were being cheered on like crazy.

Miss. J was saying something, but they didn't care. The three were focusing on the statue and each other.

[greypistacchio]

this is my third rant in a row about 7.17, "The Born-Again Identity", but i just cannot stop reading into the symbolism and the "subtext" and going absolutely feral about it, because.

when Castiel retrieves his memories and starts beating himself up over his brief but intense turbo-fascist God!AU era, Dean immediately cuts in to defend Castiel's choices.

Dean, who has been angry about every single thing Castiel chastised himself for throughout the entire season.

Dean, who lost his fatherly figure Bobby to the Leviathans that Castiel set free.

Dean, whose little brother Sam is stuck in the psychiatric ward after Castiel shattered the mental wall between his traumatic memories from Hell and his consciousness.

Dean who's been suicidal ever since Castiel disappeared and has only gotten worse after Bobby's death. Dean who's been very quiet and has not cracked his jokes and has barely smiled and has relapsed on alcohol abuse and has confessed to Frank that he sees no reason to keep going anymore.

now that Cas is back though? Dean is focused on him solely, and is concerned for Castiel after he recovers his memories. and look, the situation is incredibly dangerous. they need to infiltrate the ward to get Sam out, they need to figure out a way to help Sam with his visions of Lucifer before he drops dead from lack of sleep, they need to beat the Leviathans, they need to-

Dean doesn't care. for a moment, for a brief moment, he doesn't care, because it doesn't matter as much.

doesn't matter as much as Castiel.

doesn't matter enough to stop Dean from popping up the trunk of the Impala to return the filthy trenchcoat to Castiel. somehow, the apocalypse 2.0 is all but starting and yet the most important thing on Dean's mind at that moment is that Castiel is back, he's himself, and that means it's time to return the trenchcoat he's held onto for months as he drove across the country with no hope that he'd ever be able to give it back. the one he's kept as a memento from Castiel, whom he never thought he would meet again.

there is a tangible shift in the atmosphere of the episode, and I swear that Dean carries himself differently now. i am going to lose my mind over these two men who love each other enough to save themselves

[rapunzellovesbooks]

I think that one of the biggest misconceptions in the Bridgerton fandom is what "the show is supposed to do with its actors once their season airs" and what people think if that does not happen.

Let me explain.

I always hear that once your BGT season airs, you then will get all of these amazing opportunities. And the example that always comes up is Jonathan Bailey. It all boils down to him and the massive success and recognition he has earned since his season of BGT aired. The problem is... JB has been around for quite a while. I knew him from Broadchurch, Doctor Who and other minor roles in shows. Sure, BGT is his most well known role, but this also has changed since then and now it is Wicked. There are people who genuinely had no clue he was in BGT. But the fact that most of these big roles came out after his BGT season made people look at the BGT effect. Netflix is a massive platform so, yes, I understand that having your show on it and being advertised everywhere in the world will do wonders for your career. However... is it really the BGT season that does it all?

This is then used as a way to insult other actors whose rise to fame and billboards has not been as fast as JB (I say fast meaning after the BGT season, the dude has been around and I am sure he disagrees with BGT being the reason of where he is now), like, Rege Jean Page. I cannot tell you the amount of jokes I have seen at his expense for "only" starring in one movie as a side character since season 1 aired, paired with people being pissed at him for not returning. Phoebe also did not get roles immediately and I can only recall one Netflix movie of hers. Simone is the same thing, again, she has had roles before and after BGT Season 2 starred in a minor role in the Little Mermaid and then this year she made her own rom com.

Which brings me to Luke Newton and Nicola. It is safe to say that Nicola is way more online than Luke, way more present at award and fashion shows, at events in general. Luke disappears and is only seen every few months. Him not booking a role right after BGT 3 was used to call him jobless and many other things, comparing him with JB and even Nicola, who went straight from the premiere to a movie in Malta. Never mind that Luke went to Rome in November and show two projects at the same time. But people do not see that. They believe Nicola got her roles because of BGT, following the BGT effect. No, she did not. The effect is in our minds. Nicola has also been around, she was in Derry Girls and that show only became the phenomenon it is now because it went up on Netflix, which is great. But BGT did not get her that role.

Because if we go by the BGT effect, why is Claudia Jesse still only Eloise to so many people? She has been in every single episode of the show and she is clearly a fan favourite. So, why? Exactly. There is no why.

Getting roles has nothing to do with BGT or how well your did in your season. BGT is not the reason someone gets famous or books a lot of roles. It can certainly help for visibility but it is not the catalyst.

Stop comparing them. Stop trying to replicate JB and stop acting as if you know anything about booking acting jobs in Hollywood or what each of these actors want.

I had to get it off my chest because it makes me quite angry to see all of these actors compete in an imaginary race to be the next JB. That is not how it works.

[greyonelost]

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Syril Karn and Dedra Meero? It's not a story the rebels would tell you.

I don't think I will ever be over it. I hate what they did to these characters in episodes 7-12 of season two of Andor. I am whining and this is LONG.

Syril and Dedra were established as intriguing imperials they made you root for with relatable flaws. Both were products of the system, the result of a life of brainwashing. They were tragic and emotionally starved, just like Kylo and Anakin. They were firm believers in the empire but you also somehow really liked them. They were some of the most well developed characters in that show. Both were serious, awkward, emotionally damaged, driven, ambitious, intelligent and with no other friends but each other. Both were starved for recognition. Dedra was capable, highly intelligent and underappreciated, but at the same time she wasn't running around screaming at people like Reva or choking underlings like Vader. She treated her assistant as her equal. Syril was a wide-eyed, idealistic, pure, everyday guy, devoid of malice and distictively rebel-like in his belief in and passion for justice. After an embarrassing failure he had to go back to his emotionally abusive mother. We watched him being starved for the validation he never got and looking for it constantly in his superiors by despertely doing his best. Syril was the one you felt for and related to, Dedra was the one you admired. Rooting for them at that point was inevitable.

Then you observed these sympathetic, unappreciated, traumatised weirdos slowly finding each other. You cheered for them when he saved her, you cheered for them when you saw them happily sharing domestic bliss, you cheered when you saw Dedra stand up to his abusive mom and when you saw Dedra's humanity peak through when she was with Syril. She was becoming softer compared to the Dedra in season one. Living with him and loving him was changing her.

These imperials were some of the most well developed characters in the show. More nuanced, intriguing and relatable than all of the rebels, with the exception of Luthen.

Then the tone noticeably shifted in episode seven with Dedra's untypical reaction to Syril asking questions about Ghorman. It didn't fit her character, it didn't fit the Dedra they had established until now. Remember, that she was an intelligence officer who came from law enforcement, she demonstrated she can think ahead and deal with stress. But now that Syril wants answers, instead of just saying she will explain later, when they are alone, at home, her intelligence is turned off and she starts rambling like she is delusional and forces a kiss on him, like a school girl, clearly to his discomfort. Again, this wasn't the Dedra who we saw dealing pretty well with challenges to her authority and loss of control with Blevin and with Eedy. This scene only made sense as a way to get them to that point of Dedra getting screamed at and choked.

Which scene, turns out, has no redeeming nuances. Or at least they didn't matter. She never tried to resist him, she didn't call the guards on him, she never got angry or even upset that he put his hands on her. She let it go immediately like it was nothing. Because she loved him and she wanted him to stay. I thought this was supposed to mean something. That it would be the first step towards her "Are we the baddies?" epiphany But no, it was revealed to be pointless. Just like that scene of her breaking down in the small room after learning about Syril's death. I thought that as tragic as these scenes were, they would be the first steps in her realisation that she has been brainwashed her entire life. But no, it meant nothing.

I thought her trying to back off from the Ghorman project, her giving the order obviously against her will, were all signs building up to the moment when she is finally done with it. But again, it meant nothing.

I thought they were showing her pain and conflict to build up to the twist of her changing sides but it turned out there is no change of heart for her. As the show progressed, the abuse of Dedra Meero only intensified and you realise with horror that the cruelty is the point. The nuance was just left hanging like a loose thread. Which is why I think the original story was different but was later changed. (Season 1 as a whole was much more coherent, season 2 felt like stitched together but that will be a diffent rant.) They dropped hints of her having humanity in the first half of season 2 and then just took it in the opposite direction. It just didn't make sense. And worse, it was cruel. They literally took away her humanity, they denied her humanity. Just think about it for a moment, think about how sinister and personal and spite driven it is - they took away her humanity and all the nuance that made you feel for her to make it acceptable to abuse her. And also her competence. They took away that too. They DEHUMANISED her.

Another thing that makes me think they changed the story was that they said some people will switch sides in season 2. But then it didn't happen. And no, Syril getting his entire worldview shattered doesn't count. He didn't join the rebels, he just got shocked and then killed off in the moment when he finally figured it out and got some clarity.

It'a a cruel and cynical ending for the most pure, imperial character in the show. And he was also one of the most interesting. They put a lot of effort into developing him - showing him being tortured, starved for recognition, believing in doing the right thing and desperate to do better in any way. But in the end none of it mattered. The writers just had him rejected by his newly found father figure on Ghorman, Carro Rylanz, another one Syril desperately wanted to prove himself to. Syril's last words to Rylanz included the line "I mean you no harm." only for him to be dismissed and later executed by Rylanz point-blank.

Syril Karn was like a child. Even the actor said that. Mentally, he is an adolescent. And that was the real reason Dedra didn't tell him about the true goal of the Ghorman project. She knew he was pure, she knew he couldn't take it. She wanted to protect him from her life. He was her truth, her escape from the life of brutality and lies she was trapped into but couldn't escape. And honestly, I don't think the thought of escaping ever crossed her mind. Just like with Syril, the empire was almost her entire personality. Also, they would never just let them disappear, she knew too much and was too high up. It would be like trying to leave the mafia. She would have been killed immediately. Same thing would happen if she refused to relay the order on Ghorman. They would have just offed her and then a quick holo call from Partagaz telling them to proceed would have made her sacrifice useless. She did try to resist taking the project both with Krennic and Partagaz only to be dismissed. So, she was trying to carve out a life for her and Syril. She was doing it for them, for him. She loved him, she wanted him to be happy. That's why she got him the promotions ("You didn't seem to mind the promotions!"). That's why she got that spy gig for him on Ghorman ("It's good to see you happy.") She never wanted to manipulate him. She could have hired anyone. And it would have been easier for her, because she wouldn't worry so much about their safety. She wanted to protect Syril. ("You were careful?", "You need to go home and pack and be ready to leave.")

That's why it's so hurtful what they did to their relationship. He was the only one she made a connection with, the only one who loved her, the only one she loved and they had him scream at her, choke her, leave her and then die and never be mentioned again. In the end, his love and respect for her didn't matter, her love for him didn't matter. He was a character they used to hurt her just for the sake of it.

And then episodes 10-12 took the torture of Dedra Meero to a whole new level.

First, we see her in the last arc finally capturing Luthen, or as the ISB refers to him, Axis. And this is a moment, when again she was acting out of character. Her toying with Luthen, her smug mustache twirling, villain monologue... Again, her behaviour just didn't fit her intelligence and experience. She was not the type to gloat. She did a monologue on Bix but Bix was already in the chair and the monologue had the purpose to intimidate her and make her talk. In contrast, Luthen was still free, on his own territory and could do something, which he did. An experienced hunter like Dedra would never do the mistake of gloating before arresting her target, especially one that is as dangerous as Luthen. She failed to catch him for years, and when she finally does, instead of quickly arresting him, she does this rookie mistake. Again, you can see how the story was adjusted just for this to be a step in her downfall and have Krennic scream about it in her face.

Then there is the backstabbing Heert plotline. I hated that. Yes, considering the cut-throat work place, it is plausible. But still, she was never domineering to her assistant in any way, she treated him as her equal. So, turning the loyal, competent Heert from season one into an incompetent, jealous, backstabbing jerk really came out of nowhere. Another subplot, that felt like the writers came up with just because they needed to somehow take her down. Like the order from Partagaz to arrest her. The same Partagaz who was impressed with her initiative in season one, would arrest her when she finally caught Axis? I doubt that. The Axis job was taken from her because they wanted her to focus on Ghorman but now that the project is off the table, they would have no problems about her stepping over boundaries when she delivers results. She was rewarded for doing just that in season one.

And I can't help but notice that all the men who respected Dedra Meero in season 1, were systematically turned against her in season 2 (Syril, Partagaz, Heert) and shown to backstab, abandon, disrespect and abuse her. They could have picked any supervisor to show how fascism uses and discards people, but they picked Dedra and turned her fall into a prolonged degradation porn with close shots of her being horrified, intimidated, sobbing and breaking down. And if you think this is about making a point about fascism, I have a bridge to sell you.

And lastly, the Lonni thing. Somehow this intelligence agency that excels in investigation, would be too quick to accuse one of their top hunters of being a rebel spy and discard her just because a colleague went through her files? Again, this felt like the writers just needed her to fall. In that interrogation Dedra killed it, there was no doubt she was honest. No commander, no matter how fascist, will destroy their top and most loyal hunter because of a few slips. That scene, like Dedra's entire final arc, was indulgence in cruelty.

The last moments of her on screen were pure torture. Her getting manhandled again and verbally and physically intimidated by krennic while she is getting increasingly horrified... The close shots of her in the arrest, broken, stripped of rank and disheveled... Her completely broken down and sobbing in narkina 5... Make no mistake, she will not survive more than a month before the last shreds of her dignity and sanity are gone and she jumps on one of those electrified floors. By the time she was sent there, she already had lost everything - her position, her love, the empire discarded her, her dignity and any hope. She had nothing left to live for.

It's pure sadism. No one deserves that except Palpatine. Vader and Hux did much worse things and they got a more dignified death.

It's almost as if they surveyed the reactions to the first season and then decided to please everyone - both the part of fandom who wanted a love story between her and Syril and the misogynists who wanted to see her broken and crushed and her relationship with the loyal Syril who admired her twisted into her manipulating him and him putting her in her place. I have seen many mean comments wishing for Dedra to get the EXACT SAME things the writers did to her in episodes 7-12.

Sadly, it won't be the first time they have done it. During the original trilogy, many men complained that Leia was acting like a space bitch, so Lucasfilm put her in those slave bikini in episode 6 to soften her. And Disney did the same with The Last Jedi. The worst part of Star Wars fandom screamed to the heavens that Rian Johnson ruined their childhood and that's why episode 9 was changed.

That would explain why season 2 of Andor feels like it was stitched together while the first one was flawlessly coherent. It would explain why season 2 felt a bit underwhelming compared to the first one. And why some subplots felt redundant and had no connection to the rest of the story or why they were so prolonged. But it makes sense if the original story was something else and changed at some point. But that's a different rant.

[dashing-disaster]

I may not be fully up to speed here but are we really writing off Bucktommy for the finale based on the one comment Oliver made where he said 'the last we see of them is in that helicopter'? Because, if that is the case and we haven't gotten any more confirmation or comments than that (and again, I am not up to speed, my friends got married this week and I've only been online sporadically these past two days so I've really only seen bits and pieces of things) I don't think it's enough to completely bury the ship for the season.

Yes, the phrasing sounds damning at first glance, but I don't think it is? 'The last we see/the last we've seen' is a phrase used pretty often to describe where we left off with a certain storyline or character and I wouldn't put too much weight on the tense here. After all, not all is said and done quite yet, we still have one more episode that he cannot spoil.

Buck's storyline this season was heavily focused on his relationship with Tommy and the breakup. Too heavily in my opinion, to not at least have some form of solution there in the finale. And perhaps that is not going to be Lou on screen. Perhaps all we will see is Buck finally picking up that phone in his last scene and calling Tommy. We might not even see how that conversation goes so we have something to wonder about all summer.

But Oliver clearly also said that he's looking forward to see, how it's going to continue next season. From what I heard Lou's schedule definitely is wide open for 911 so he'd be happy to return. Tim likes him and has set up the character in a way that ties Tommy in more with the 118.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there really won't be any more mention of Tommy this season and no solution to where Buck and Tommy are right now.

And I also understand the defense mechanism of expecting the worst to not get disappointed. This is in fact something I tend to do myself, which I'm currently working on in therapy. Here's something my therapist asked me: If you want to bake a (non-vegan) cake and the recipe calls for eggs, milk and flour, would you go chuck a chicken, a cow and a handful of wheat sprouts in your mixing bowl just on the off-chance that they're out at the supermarket? And would you really be less disappointed when you go to the supermarket and are proven correct? Maybe that's also not a perfect example, but I had to admit that he kind of had a point.

So in order to not be more miserable than I ultimately have to be I'm not going to write off Bucktommy based on that one response Oliver gave in that interview. Unless there's more info out there, that solidifies that argument, of course, then I will have written all of this for nothing. But then I'm also supposed to try and be more confident in my own opinions so I'll see it as practice.

Anyway, please take care of yourself guys. I don't want you to be miserable. <3

[damn-stark]

Chapter 12 Into the woods

Chapter 12 of Tragedy at the Miller’s

A/N- okay but I kinda really love how this chapter turned out.

Warning- fluff?, ANGST, talks of violence and death, talks of suicide attempt , spoilers for season 2, Remember this is a rewrite not an AU, so the major stuff that happens in the show will happen here :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader (platonic of course :), OC x Fem!reader

Episode- 2x03-2x04, used scenes from the game too

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

“We went to make them pay. Sorry we had to do this the hard way, but you didn’t leave us no other choice. We asked and you turned us down. Now you have to trust that we will come back.

-Dina and Ellie”

“It was stuck to her door?” You ask as you lift the note and show it off to Jesse, who has read it over and over again as if that would bring them both back, or make it any less surprising. It didn’t.

“Yes,” Jesse answers hesitantly as he looks at you with pity and concern, and then flickers his eyes to Apollo with shame. “I’m sorry I came here so early. I really am. I just,” he pauses and focuses on Apollo as if ready to hear his friend get mad at him for involving you, but Jesse shouldn’t worry about Apollo. It’s your Uncle Tommy he should worry about. He seems more bothered by the fact that Jesse chose to come to you instead of just privately going to him. After all, you just barely started talking and getting out of the house; this could mortify you more.

“I thought you needed to know,” Jesse explains his reasoning, but doesn’t make it sound any better to your Uncle. If he had the chance to lie to you about this, he would’ve chosen that because as he looks over at you, he sees you set the note down and drop your face in your palms to try and gather your racing thoughts that don't leave you groggy. You’re left wide awake after reading Ellie’s note—or should you say Dina’s note, there’s no way Ellie would have written so much down. She would’ve made it short and straight to the point.

“I mean, I know they’re both reckless, but to do this? This is something completely beyond reckless and stupid.” Jesse adds, as you start rubbing your temple and revisit what Ellie said, because she’s right, you’re late. Too weak. You knew she was up to something stupid, and you didn’t stop her. You’re too late.

“What do we do with this now?” Jesse keeps filling the silence while Apollo is more worried about how you’re going to take this since you’re being quiet.

“Maybe we can still stop them, or,” Jesse pauses and sighs deeply, choosing to stay quiet instead of finishing what he was going to say.

“Or what?” You finally speak and drop one hand off your face, letting it smack against the dinner table.

“Go after them. I mean,” Jesse goes on hesitantly. “Knowing Ellie, we won’t be able to bring her back now, but maybe we can go after her. Save her and Dina from getting killed.”

Going after her was the first thing you thought of because you know, just like Jesse, that trying to bring Ellie back would be impossible. She’s put her mind to a mission, and it’d be hell to try and convince her to come back.

However, among the many other reasons not to go, you share the most important one that you think about the most. “I’d be the last person she would want after her,” you mumble, piquing all three men’s interest.

“We got into an argument yesterday after the meeting,” you share, and avert your gaze by looking at the note again. “I won’t go into detail, but she basically told me that she never wants to see me again.”

Jesse lifts his eyebrow, expecting more since he doesn’t know the depth of your argument or the hurtful things she said, since you don’t want to badmouth her.

“So you’re going to listen to her?” Jesse asks with disbelief, interrupting your uncle before he can speak up.

“I,” you pause and sit up straight before you take a deep breath and meet his gaze. “I don’t know. I mean, she made her choice. Who am I to stop her? I already tried. I told her not to go, that there is no point, but she got mad.” You say with frustration about your own failures, and because even if you understand that Ellie was mad, the things she said still deeply hurt.

It was the same when you were young. You’d try to help, but you’d always get yelled at and hurt. Only this time it hurts so much worse because it makes you want to die.

It's no exaggeration, that’s the truth, because it’s a truth that is tearing away at you as you speak.

“You’re her sister,” Jesse argues without an ounce of hesitation or shame—“isn’t that point enough? Regardless of what she said?”

You stay quiet and glance at Apollo this time as you think about your other reason not to go.

You have a family now. You can’t just abruptly leave for something that doesn’t guarantee you’ll make it back. They don’t deserve that, and you can’t just do that to them. But Jesse is also right…Ellie is your sister. Would your dad stop from going after her even if she said hurtful things to him?

He would go in a heartbeat, so you…should do the same to help the girl you love, but…there’s so many reasons telling you to stay.

“It is point enough,” your uncle finally chimes in for you and looks at you ever so softly as if a look alone could cause you harm. “Of course, Sunny of all people knows that the words our siblings say at the heat of the moment don’t mean anything, but it’s not easy. For either of us. We can’t just grab a backpack and leave the moment we decide to. Maybe you get that, Jesse, or maybe you don’t. Maybe a couple of years down the line, you’ll realize, but either way, we can’t be as bold with our choices as you.”

Jesse drops his head with shame, and your Uncle leans towards you with even more tenderness. “Don’t break your head over what you want to do. I’ll give you…until tomorrow to think about it.” He says and pats the empty space on the table.

You slowly meet his gaze and feel relieved by his suggestion, and feel that pressure to know what to do decreasing. Yet it doesn’t all vanish.

“Will you go?” You ask your Uncle, knowing Jesse wasn’t asking for permission but more so support before he left.

“I,” your uncle pauses and sits back with his eyes flickering away. “…Don’t know. I’ll think about it too,” he says without looking at you once, but you never give that too much thought.

“Can we really risk being two days behind them?” Jesse blurts, causing your Uncle to snap his gaze to him.

“It’s a risk we have to take and can fix if we choose to go,” your uncle mutters before looking over at you and finding your gaze again. “A day, hm?” He repeats and looks between you and Jesse.

“Okay,” You nod stiffly.

Jesse waits a moment to see if you’ll add anything else, but you go quiet, and your Uncle gets up and looks at him before pointing his head at the door.

“I’m going to head out now,” your Uncle announces as Jesse gets up from his seat. “You think about it.”

You nod again, and Jesse interjects. “Again, I’m sorry I came over so abruptly,” he says, making you drift your eyes to watch him.

“We already told you, it’s okay,” Apollo reassures the young man as he gets off of his chair.

“I’ll go find you later,” you assure Jesse and your Uncle, making Jesse nod in comprehension and making your Uncle linger back before he follows Jesse out of the house, making Apollo see them out.

When Apollo comes back to the dining room, he sees you in the same spot, but this time you have the letter in your hand and you’re reading the letter again with a deep sorrow in your eyes.

“What are we plannin’ to do?” Apollo asks now that you’re in the comfort of each other's privacy.

“I…genuinely don’t know,” you confess and drop the letter to look at him. “A part of me is telling me to go. She’s my sister and she’s risking her life in this cruel world, so even if she says that she doesn’t want to see me again, she still needs me.”

“Tommy is right, when we say we don’t want to see our siblings again, we don't mean it,” Apollo tries to comfort your bleeding heart as he sits across from you to be able to take your hands in his. “She’s mad, but she hasn’t forsaken you.”

You look at him, teary-eyed eyed and finally share everything she told you yesterday. “She said she hated me, Apollo. And maybe I deserve to be hated, I lied, but…how will we go back to what we were? How will she forgive me?”

Apollo sighs and, with a pitiful frown, says a hurtful truth. “You won’t ever get back what you had, but you can get past it. You will get past it.”

You let out a shaky breath and drop your head before you wipe the tears off your face, causing him to caress your knuckles and look at you with more pity.

You’re starting to hate all this pity.

“Another part of me is telling me not to go,” you cut in. “Not for any petty reason, but it’s not as easy as before, you know.” You breathe out deeply.

Apollo nods in agreement before he interjects. “Think about it like Tommy said,” he says without the reassurance that he’ll support whatever choice you make because deep down he hopes you won’t go. He’ll understand if you want to, but it’s like you said, it’s not as easy as before.

“I will, hopefully by today, I don’t want to leave Jesse waiting or have the girls get too ahead,” you say, and let that take over your every waking thought. How could you think about anything else with such a heavy and hard choice to make?

You go out to your garden to think, but you don’t come out with your mind made up, so you try to keep busy inside your house, but nothing comes to mind. You then go for a long walk, hoping that will help you, but you keep debating with yourself. The only thing you end up doing is ending up in front of your dad’s abandoned house.

You don’t know what led you there; whether it’s because of instinct, or because deep down you wanted to come visit his house to find an answer, you don’t know. You just know you’re in front of the driveway, hoping once again that you’ll find him on his porch, but…he’s not there. You can’t even be reassured by the fact that Ellie is in the garage because she’s gone too.

The house is alone. Lifeless and abandoned, with only memories of what was haunting the dust-covered halls.

Even so, as depressing as that is, you still step foot past the threshold that once kept you away, and make your way to the front door.

When you reach the door, you lift your hand with the intention to knock, but you remember that no one is inside, so before you can overthink the matter, you grab the doorknob and open the door.

What once was a warm place lively with comfort, now is a sad reminder of who you lost. Now, there’s no father to welcome you inside, and the smell of coffee doesn’t waft in your nose.

Usually, the lights inside the house were hardly on; he didn’t excessively brighten his house like you or Ellie do, but a light was usually on. Now, there’s only a dull light that fills the house because the sun hides under thick clouds.

Even so, you don’t turn to walk away. For the first time since he died, you step foot inside the house and close the door behind you, expecting nothing; no greeting, no head peeking around a corner, and no distant voice telling you where he is, but oh, the house comes alive with memory.

In the living room, you hear snoring as the TV quietly plays, so you follow the noise and on the lazy-boy, you see the memory of your dad asleep with your infant son asleep in his arms.

In the dining room you hear the commotion of faint laughter, metal clinking against plates, and different conversations across the table, and when you walk to the room, you see a warm light brightening the room and your family dining without a worry, almost as if life held no monsters and everything was normal.

You want to relive just one night. You want to have dinner with the whole of your family again and make one more memory, but the kitchen calls you. The memory of coffee brewing in the kitchen lures you over, and here to keep you company is the memory of you and your dad cooking and doing the dishes as you yapped away and he listened to every word.

A part of you wants to stay to be able to relive through those fond memories, but heavy footsteps thump in the hall, growing more distant as they get further away, so before you can get left behind, you follow after those heavy footsteps and end up at the foot of the stairs.

The haunting footsteps continue to echo on the second floor, but you’re in no rush since you get distracted by the photos your dad hung on the wall going up the stairs.

The first and most recent photo you study is a picture of your dad holding Teddy, who is looking away, but still relaxed in your dad's arms. The next photo you see when you go up a couple of stairs is one of you and all of your family gathered around the table. Ellie and your dad didn’t talk by then so they were at opposite ends, but they were still captured in the same photo, making it seem, without context, that they were a strong united front. If only it were true…

Nevertheless, you move up and the next photo keeps you put longer than the other ones because it’s one of you, Apollo, and your Dad on your wedding day. Your dad was in the middle, keeping you and your husband apart because the old man had a hard time accepting that his youngest daughter was all grown up.

It was funny then, but the memory is even funnier now.

Regardless, you reach the second floor and an end table decorates the end of the hall, holding different pictures and trinkets, but most importantly, it holds a happy picture of you, your dad, and Ellie captured on Ellie’s special birthday trip.

It was a long time ago, and it was the first trip you had together after the big adventure that brought you all together. It's a memory that should help you come up with a decision, but the truth is that you only get more upset over who you lost. So you move on instead, clueless as to what you want to do.

The next place you find yourself in is not Ellie’s bare room. You walk past her room and walk directly into your dad's room, feeling your heart crush when you walk into an empty room holding only memories of him. Not him sleeping on the bed, just an empty room and an empty bed holding a single box.

You grow curious about what the box could possibly contain, so you walk to it, feeling tears fall off your chin and get left on the floor as you hastily reach the bed. Once you get to the box, you don’t hesitate to open it, revealing to yourself that it’s his belongings he had on him when he…died.

There isn't a lot in the box, but you still only drive your focus to his broken watch that he refused to part with, not because it was a trusty gadget that told time, no, the old thing is broken. Which should be a reason to have abandoned it a long time ago, but the watch was a reminder of Sarah, and the last thing he ever gifted her. That’s why he kept it with him at all times, because it felt like carrying her with him.

Why would they make him part with it? Why didn’t they bury him with it?

If only you had been there. You would’ve made sure they were buried together, but…you weren’t there. You didn’t say your last goodbye…

…to either of them…now they’re both gone and you’re here, living on without them. Why?

“Why?” You ask yourself as you clutch onto your dad's broken watch before you turn to look at a picture your dad has on his nightstand, one of before the outbreak. A picture of you, Sarah, and him before the world ended, and where you were happy together.

You want to be with them again, more than anything else in this world. That’s what you want, and that desire, the picture, and the memory it brings, finally lets you come up with an answer.

Thus, you tuck the watch in your pocket and leave the house to go find Jesse first, since he’s more eager to leave.

Luckily, it’s not hard to locate him. You find him in the first place you check; his house, but there with him is your Uncle. They were looking over a map together.

“I decided,” you cut in abruptly, skipping past greetings and asking for explanations. “I’m going.”

“Sunny,” your Uncle Tommy finally parts from the table and approaches you, causing Jesse to back away.

You stay where you are and let your Uncle approach you so he can see how your face contorts with betrayal and frustration.

“I said I’m going,” you cut in confidently. “You can fight me or accept my choice. I'd rather you accept it because by the looks of it we’ll only have a hard time if you don’t.”

Your Uncle sighs and drops his head. “I was just looking out for you,” he explains without as much trouble as it would’ve given your dad to explain. “I’m just worried about you. You’re only now gettin’ better and you have Teddy and Apollo, and I—”

“You were selfish,” you cut him off and step towards him to tilt your head down so he can meet your gaze. “You have Benji and Maria, too, so where’s the difference in that? I can do it,” you proclaim. “I will do it because she’s my sister and she needs me.”

Your Uncle lifts his head, and you follow his movements so as not to lose his gaze. “Meet at my house when you’re done here. We leave today,” you say without giving more explanations.

“Are you sure?” Jesse asks for his own sake.

You look at him over your Uncle’s shoulder and nod stiffly before you step away from his front door. “Positive,” you assure him and then pass him a helpful comment. “Pack the necessities you have at your house. I’ll take care of the rest.”

He offers you a comprehensive nod, so you then face your Uncle and press again to not be at odds. “You go. I go. Simple as that. I’m…okay.”

Your Uncle takes a moment to process that, knowing you too well as to accept that right away, but you're as stubborn as your dad when you want to be, so he chooses to trust you now and gives in. “Alright.”

The corner of your lips tugs up faintly before you then leave and return home with your mind made up, but your heart heavy.

“Apollo?” You call out after you close the front door, but you don’t hear a response, so you walk further inside and check the kitchen and the living room, but he’s not there. You proceed to check the rooms, but he’s not in any and Teddy is not inside either.

Could they be out in town? Maybe.

Yet before you can assume that possibility, you check the backyard, and much to your luck, there they are in the wildflower garden along with your dog Hermes.

You almost don’t want to disturb their peace. You could admire them forever, but you don’t want to risk Jesse getting here and telling Apollo the choice you made, so after a couple of lingering minutes, you join your boys and your dog outside, earning happy reactions from the both of them.

“Ma!” Teddy exclaims and tries to walk to you, but you reach him first and swiftly sweep him off the floor with a beaming grin.

“Hey, cowboy,” you greet and kiss his forehead before you pull your head back as he shows you a single flower he picked. “Oh, would you look at that? Is that for me or you?”

Teddy brings the flower back towards him and stares at it for a moment before he accidentally drops it, making him squirm, so you end up putting him down so he can keep doing whatever it was that he was doing along with Hermes, and so you can take a seat next to Apollo on the bench swing.

“I finally made my choice,” you don’t delay the matter a moment longer, making him pick his eyes off Teddy to look at you nervously. “I’m going. Today.”

There’s no talk about a passionate motivation to go help Ellie from mortal danger. He, of course, thinks he knows why you’re going, and it makes your choice hard to swallow. Not because he doesn’t want you to help Ellie, but because it’s not so simple anymore.

“It seems that my Uncle and Jesse weren’t planning to have me go, but I caught them in time,” you share, but don’t catch Apollo by surprise because he had noticed your Uncle’s intentions from the moment the letter was shared—“So we leave today, just my Uncle, Jesse, and me,” you clarify, but get no big reaction from Apollo. He drops his gaze and sighs before he finally lets his thoughts be heard.

“Yeah, I…didn’t plan to be a part of the trip,” he confesses, leaving you more surprised than he was with what you just told him.

“We have Teddy,” he continues, making you look over at your son with guilt. “One of us has to stay with him. Why should we risk his life, or risk him being left…an orphan if Jackson is safe and one parent who can stay with him?”

You gulp as your guilt digs itself deeper, causing more ache.

“I wish I could go, but one of us has to stay with him, and as much as I wish it was you, I know this mission is important to you,” he continues to clarify his decision and turns his head to look at you while you keep watching Teddy as you try to take advantage of the time you have with him before you have to leave.

“That’s the only reason I’m even supporting it,” he says, and finally brings your eyes back to him. “I just,” he pauses and draws out a heavy breath. “Don’t know how many long goodbyes I have left in me.”

As if you had your breath stolen by him, you gasp softly and look at him with disbelief.

“I love you,” he quickly explains as he sees your reaction. “But things are different now. We have a son. A life together and…I don’t think it’s fair to me or him to uproot it for a trip that may or may not bring you back.”

You avert your gaze and clench your hands into fists.

“You know how much it hurts when people leave you behind,” he points out, making your heart skip a beat while also almost changing your mind. But it’s not enough because your dad's death is in the back of your mind like a plague.

“I do know,” you mumble and look back at him with reassurance. “I wouldn’t be leaving either if it wasn’t for Ellie, but…she…needs me,” you finally repeat your reason for leaving. “Whether she wants my help or not. I owe it to him to try.”

Apollo hums, and you take his hands to make one thing clear.

“But I also know I can’t water dead plants. I know my dad would never stop going after her, but I do know when to stop…there'll be no more long goodbyes after this one.” You clarify, making a soft smile tug on his lips.

“Okay,” he whispers before you let his hands go to wrap him in a tight embrace as if you were already saying your goodbyes when it won’t be for another little while.

“You are the best friend and best husband anyone could ask for,” you tell him as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. “I’m so lucky to have met you. I love you…with all of me.” You say against his flesh, making him grin and hold you tightly against him, to the point you find comfort in his steady heartbeat.

“I love you too,” he redirects. “You are loved so so much, so please come back, okay?”

You pick your face off his neck and rest your chin on his shoulder before you whisper back. “Okay.”

With no promise made and your first round of goodbyes shared, you then continue to watch Teddy play outside for a while longer until you have to go inside to get ready.

About halfway into packing the necessities you have in your house, Jesse and your Uncle finally meet up at your house and wait for a little while, but not as long as they assumed.

“You’re both carrying light,” Jesse points out as he sees that your backpack looks as light as your Uncle’s.

“For now,” you leave him more curious.

“Now,” your Uncle interjects. “It’s night now, so it’s the perfect time to get our horses and sneak out so as not to raise questions, okay? So just act normal.” He says without worry and expects you and Jesse to look the same, but Jesse looks lost.

“What about weapons? Are we just going to stroll in the armory and take what we need? Those are locked.” Jesse asks the most important question. “And food?”

You share a knowing look with your Uncle and Apollo before you decide to tell Jesse the secret early. “We have all that a couple of miles out of Jackson.”

Jesse blinks in disbelief, so you explain yourself further.

“Jackson is home. Jackson is safe, but we’ve been around long enough, and early in our years, we knew this man named Bill. He was…what my Daddy called an end-of-the-world prepper, so to make this story short, he warned my dad to always have an escape plan if we found ourselves in communities, especially because he had a daughter. My dad took that to heart, and he did exactly that. An escape plan.” You reveal with a smug smirk. “He hid a cache just outside of Jackson that he let a few of us know about.”

Jesse scoffs, and before he can feel proud over your father's genius plan, he asks one more question that immediately comes to mind. “Ellie left first. I’m pretty sure she emptied that.”

You scoff. “You really think we would let Ellie know?” You remark lightheartedly. “She would have emptied that a long time ago, knowing her, so we didn’t tell her. Weapons, food, flashlights, and everything we need is already there. I'm assuming you have a path mapped out,” you point out with a hint of annoyance, making your Uncle sigh deeply before he has no choice but to agree.

“We do, we just need to go collect our cache. So it begs the question, are you two ready to go?”

Without hesitation or anything holding you back, you nod to give him an answer before you confirm it verbally. “I’m ready.”

Jesse nods in agreement without so much as doubt, but what follows holds you back, so before you can leave, you turn to Apollo, but not with sorrow and uncertainty to leave. You look at him softly and completely enamored. “I love you. Always.”

He smiles back at you tenderly and without caring that you have company so close by; he smacks his lips on yours and steals a kiss.

Knowing this kiss will be your last, you capture his jaw to press him closer and spark a passion that makes you move ravenously. You almost don't have the heart or will to break away, but you taste a salty tear mix in your passion, so you pull away, but keep him close to take note of every feature on his face.

“I’ll be here. Waiting,” he says, pulling more tears out of your eyes. “My love. My world. My light.”

You smile at him tenderly and have to steal one last kiss.

Before you can part to give your son your goodbyes, you reach inside your shirt and pull out his old Firefly pendant to assure him. “I’ll have you close. Always.”

He scoffs softly and looks away shyly, letting you then move away to find your son in the living room playing on the floor with his toys.

“Take care of each other,” you hear Apollo tell Jesse while you go on your knees to grab your son's attention.

“Teddy, I’m going to be leaving now, okay?” You tell your son who is cluelessly gripping onto his toys. “You’re gonna be stayin’ with your Daddy, so you be good to him, okay?”

The baby blabbers and offers you his toy giraffe, so you take it and press it against your chest. “I’ll keep you close, okay?”

Teddy asks for his toy back, so you give it back with a giggle and then lean in to hug him tightly, causing him to laugh in response.

“I love you, my Theo,” you whisper. “Don’t forget me.”

Teddy stays in your embrace until you let go, and before you can completely part from him, you face him one last time and then force yourself away to make your way to the front door with Jesse and your Uncle trailing after you, and Apollo trailing after them.

Once you reach the door, you give Apollo one last embrace because if he went to see you off at the gate, people would grow suspicious, so he sees you to the door instead.

“Ready?” Your Uncle asks one last time as you face your traveling partners.

“Ready,” you and Jesse answer at the same time with confidence and determination

——

*A COUPLE WEEKS LATER*

Thanks to your travel experience, you were able to help with some kinks to your Uncle and Jesse’s initial path to Seattle to avoid as many potential obstacles as possible. It is hard to know if you’ll come across something as small as a camp or as big as a town, but you avoid cities, highways, and freeways and stick to the woods and backroads where people usually don’t settle, and infected are least likely to roam.

Luckily, it’s just three of you, so you’re least likely to catch anyone’s attention. You don’t have a dog to help you with what you humans can't catch, but you don’t stop to loot anywhere and are never too loud or keep the light on too long. It’s not because you just set up camp to simply eat and sleep; you make conversation, you share stories, and laugh at jokes. You never disagree with one another because Jesse respects the plans of more experienced travelers, and you trust your Uncle, and he trusts you, but there, between both men and you, is a threshold.

Your Uncle sees it, but he doesn’t want to cross it. He gives you space because he thinks that’s the answer, and he likes to think he knows you more than he knows himself, but Jesse is different; he can see what your Uncle is failing to catch. It would be impossible not to, since you're on the road with no one but each other, but instead of getting closer on this trip, there’s always a barrier between them and you, and he can feel it.

Maybe it is because you’ve been on the road with only each other as company, so it’d be hard to miss, but it’s almost so thick that Jesse swears he can almost touch it with the pads of his fingers. It’s where you keep the person you really are and every emotion that riddles that you.

As much as Jesse wants to cross that threshold, though, you never let him cross it. You keep him and your Uncle at the other side and let them see an unusual bliss that feels inorganic.

“I see something brown,” you share, making Jesse search the area around you before he examines the sky to try and find what you spotted, making it the perfect game to keep you and Jesse entertained while also working to search the area for anything suspicious.

“That hawk circling the area over there,” Jesse points out exactly what you had seen.

“Yes,” you praise him with a smile. “A red-tailed hawk, if I remember correctly, right, Uncle Tommy?”

Said man searches the sky until he finds the distant fella and shrugs. “I wouldn’t know anymore. I only made you memorize them so we could get some teaching in while on the road.”

You groan and then look back at Jesse and add on. “Either way, it’s not very good to eat.”

Jesse scoffs with curiosity twinkling in his eyes. “Before or after?” He asks, referring to before Jackson or on your nationwide road trip.

“Before,” you let him know, and turn your eyes away from the sky when the hawk is out of view. “Of course, my Uncle Tommy, here, caught it. I helped…kinda. It moved too much for me, so we didn’t want to risk it then, but I helped locate it after we hunted it down.”

“Pretty much the same thing,” he jokes, making you giggle.

“I’ll say. Okay,” you focus back on the game. “Now you. Go. Last one. Make it hard.”

Jesse hums and his eyes search high up in the tall trees and down low at the horses you ride before looking at every green bush, colored plant, grey rock, and anything else you have yet to cross and that surrounds you until his eyes seem to lock on something.

You try to pinpoint what it is by following his line of gaze and blurting the first thing you see. “Fern!”

Jesse rolls his eyes and turns his attention to you. “No. Not close. Something…you can slip on if you are not careful.”

You press your lips together and search the area he had focused on to try and find what he said with the clue he gave. However, there’s no mud because it hasn't rained. There’s no moss that you can see. You can’t see flat rocks on the ground or any twigs that can get caught under your shoe.

“Bark?” You ask hesitantly.

A faint smirk tugs on his lips before he shakes his head. “No. Listen.”

You strain your ear and catch the call of the same Red-tailed hawk in the distance. You hear different birds chirping, and past that, you hear a rush of water, but you can’t see it.

That can’t be it.

“A river?” You ask with confusion, and as unsure as you are of your response, Jesse actually nods.

“Yeah.”

“Well,” you smack your lips. “That ain’t close. I mean, I can’t see it.”

Your Uncle chuckles from the front of the caravan, and Jesse shakes his head with the smug smile still attached to his face. “Nope, but it’s not I-spy. We just have to find what the other person points out.” He says cockily, so you roll your eyes and sigh deeply.

“Whatever,” you grumble and then nudge your horse to pick up her pace and take the lead to reach the river faster. “We should fill up our bottles and let the horses hydrate,” you share your thoughts with the men who don't question you. After all, you won’t come across another body of water today or tomorrow.

Yet when you reach the river, you find out that it was loud enough to be heard from afar for a reason; the water is running faster, and it's higher than it should be.

“Melting snow and the recent storm?” Jesse asks for reassurance, so you and your Uncle give it to him because that is the only reason the water is so high.

“Yep.” You sigh.

Luckily, a wide tree has fallen over the river, so you will save time and energy by crossing to reach the other side, but how steady is it against the rushing water is the important question.

“We’ll cross one by one,” your Uncle suggests as you keep your eyes on the fallen tree to see if it’ll move.

“But don’t get off your horse. Just keep the pace slow and steady,” your Uncle adds. “Questions?”

You shake your head, and Jesse turns his head to look at him, but doesn’t give any notes. “Yeah. That sounds good. I trust you.”

You draw out a deep breath and nod along. “Me too,” you echo and then look back at the tree before you interject. “Jesse, you go first.”

Your Uncle and Jesse look at you, and they get ready to argue, but you snap your eyes to Jesse and insist. “Go. I’ll go right after you. Just don’t look back. Eyes forward and don’t panic or the horse will panic, hm?”

Jesse finds your insistence to go first annoying because he wants you to get across safely first, just in case something goes wrong, but there’s no point arguing. Thus, before you can waste any more time, Jesse nudges his horse and moves forward.

At first, the horse seems hesitant to climb on the tree because the river is loud and walking on a tree hasn’t been common for them to do, but after some sweet and quiet comforting from Jesse, the horse climbs on and slowly begins to take Jesse across.

You stay behind and don’t dare to move an inch because you don’t want to risk spooking his horse or even moving a pebble on the ground, in case that somehow makes the tree move.

You hold your breath and grow more tense by the second. A part of you wants to rush Jesse so he can get across as soon as possible, but the other part of you is logical and keeps you quiet as you watch every step with laser focus.

No part of you is at ease until finally, Jesse reaches the other side successfully.

“Great job!” You praise and clap for both the horse and him.

“Thank you, now come across,” he urges you without really soaking in the great achievement so as not to risk anything changing in the tree's stability or the rushing water.

Your Uncle takes that under consideration and presses you, too. “You heard him. Go. I’m right behind you. Nice and slow.”

You glance at him and nod in comprehension, but you don’t hesitate or take any of their warnings under consideration. What used to worry you and keep you tense doesn’t affect you now that it’s your turn. You don’t rush across. You take it slow and ease your horse on the tree, but you don’t hold the same anxiety that you noticed in Jesse when he crossed.

You don’t hold a sense of cockiness either. You just don’t care when it comes to you crossing. Maybe that’s what changed when you cross, or maybe it was just the rushing water smacking against the tree. Either way, the movement is small at first, it makes your heart skip a beat, and it makes Jesse and your Uncle move their horses forward.

The second time the tree moves, your horse slips. Yet you don’t react with fear and scream for help when you crash into the water and fall off your horse. You don’t panic when the force of the water shoves you under its angry waves either.

You feel a sense of relief, and when you hit the back of your head against a rock on the river floor, there’s ecstasy that rushes through your blood seconds before it all goes black.

At first, you expect the darkness to be fleeting. You expect to wake up and see the cloudy sky, but when you open your eyes, that ecstasy runs faster when you see your house.

Not your small yellow house in Jackson, no. You’re in front of your house in Austin, Texas. You’re home, and it’s just as you left it before the outbreak. Nothing is overgrown, the windows aren’t broken, and the roof isn’t crumbling. It’s in a perfect state, and you don’t question why it’s so.

You don’t even ask why you’re standing in front of it. You just grin with genuine glee and cut across the lawn. When you reach the door, you hesitate to steady your heartbeat before you open the door and immediately get greeted by everything you once knew.

Everything is the same. Nothing is out of place, not a pillow on the couch, and not a speck of dust. The one difference is that the sun shines through the windows, brightening and warming up the living room. Oh, and there’s a smell. A good smell that awakens your appetite, so you follow it across the living room and into the kitchen, noticing right away that it’s lively past the back door. There’s a long picnic table outside adorned with a simple yet cute white tablecloth, and plates and silverware are set on top of it waiting to be used.

Who did all this? You ask yourself, and slowly walk to the back door to try and see who’s outside.

Yet before you can even reach for the door, someone walks up to the door, someone you spent missing longer than you knew them. Someone you often think about and frequently miss. Someone sweet and beautiful, Sarah.

She’s in a nice sun dress that complements her skin. She dons a small amount of mascara, a pink lip gloss that makes her lips shiny, and when she reaches the door and faces you, she offers you her incredible smile that drives you to her without even thinking about it.

You should have. You should have hesitated opening the door and stepping outside, but you’re too happy and too ready to even hesitate. You just throw your arms around your sister again and hold her close.

“Sarah,” you whisper with a break in your voice as tears fill your eyes. “I missed you,” you add, and feel her hold you back.

“Me too,” she says sweetly, and it’s those words alone that make you feel safe again. Like the world couldn’t hurt you, and you were invincible. You felt like a little girl again back in 2003, and you enjoyed it. You made yourself at home in your sister's embrace in this peaceful afterlife.

“I…I really missed you,” you express yourself again before you pull back and face her sweet and young face, catching your reflection in her light, earthy eyes and seeing your face unchanged. You're just all dolled up in a sundress, just like her.

“I’m still older,” she reminds you, and you don’t deny her.

You laugh and assure her.

“Always,” you say, and then from one moment to another, the sound of a giggle steals your attention. When you look over, tending to the grill is a woman with her back turned to you, so you can’t take note of her face, you just see her hair and the color of her skin, but after that, it’s easy to guess that it’s your mother.

You don’t need to see her face, you know for certain because next to her is your dad.

“Daddy,” you call out with a quiver, and as said man turns to give you his attention, you march over there, but don’t embrace him like you did with Sarah. You face him with your face pampered with tears and immediately try to share your pain.

“Daddy, I’m…it…I’m sorry.” You cry while said man stays quiet, but grabs your shoulders to make you meet his gaze before he wipes away your tears.

“Come sit,” you hear Sarah say from the other end of the table. “The food is ready.”

You hold your dad's gaze, but he quickly looks away to point at an empty seat at the end of the table with a name card you can’t read. Nor do you intend to read right now.

You part from your dad and once again, without hesitation, you follow Sarah and sit at the end of the table next to her. There’s no question about it, and you don’t look back for anyone. You just take your seat and wait, seeing your dad sitting at the other end of the table across from you before the food comes. He then looks at an empty seat next to him and this time you read the name card, ‘Ellie Williams.’.

You gasp and feel a pull. At last, in the bliss, there’s a pull.

Yet you forget all about it when the woman at the grill finally turns and shows you a face you have only seen in pictures; your mother.

She turns with the food in her hands and walks over to you first to serve you.

“Mama,” you whisper happily, earning a sweet smile that makes you want to stay even more so you can keep seeing her smile. You don't want to leave. You want to stay here with her, Sarah, and your dad. It’s a choice, and you want to take it. You’re ready. It’s why you came on this trip, to reunite with them. It wasn’t Ellie who brought you on this trip; it was the need to be with your family, and you’re finally with them. Now, every muscle in your body is telling you not to look back.

Albeit as your mother walks away, you follow her with your eyes and in doing so, you catch the other empty chairs with name cards of their own.

Next to you on your left is ‘Theo Holloway.’ Next to him and in the middle is ‘Apollo Holloway’, and of course, next to him is Ellie.

Their seats are empty, and they will be empty for a while.

That thought makes you feel that pull stronger than before, but you’re still hesitant because of Sarah and your mother. You want to stay with them and him too, but when you look at him, without saying it, he’s urging you to go back.

“Please,” he finally speaks with tears welling in his eyes.

“But,” you try to argue, but stop to look at the empty seats again. “What good am I there?” You ask and look at him again. “I couldn’t save you. You’re dead because of me, and I…couldn't handle the weight of it. It was crushing me. I feel…weightless here. Happy. Please let me stay. I want to stay.”

You will. It’s your choice and you’re making it…

But there’s also Ellie…if you can’t handle the weight, how is she fairing? Dina was there when your dad died, but she can’t possibly feel the same crushing weight or the same heartache that never stops hurting. Only you and Ellie know that feeling, and if you stay…she has no one…

Damn it…

“Daddy,” you say softly, and without saying it he finally smiles at you, making that gesture and his face be the last thing you see before it’s all taken away and you’re in that lodge, seeing him die again for a fleeting second before you’re transported back to life panicked and surrounded by dark rushing water for a moment before you’re yanked out and thrown on the ground where you cough out water and try to draw in the air that will keep you alive.

“Oh, thank god!” Jesse gasps while your uncle grabs your arm to sit you up to pat your back to help you get all the water out.

Once you’ve gathered your breath and stopped with your coughing fit, your uncle throws his arms around you, feeling all the weight of the world rise off his shoulders as he sees that you’re okay now.

“Thank god,” he whispers. “I thought I lost ya there for a second.”

You rest your chin on his shoulder and look anything but relieved.

That feeling will pass, but right now you’re more disappointed than grateful because you got taken away from everything you wanted. Peace, bliss, and your home.

Still, your uncle doesn’t notice that, but Jesse does. He just doesn’t say anything on the matter and instead watches you look ahead blankly whilst you relish in your Uncle's embrace.

“You might have a concussion, so let’s call today a day. There seems to be a town nearby. We can find some to hold up there,” your uncle suggests as he pulls away from the embrace to very swiftly walk around you to check on your head as if rehearsed, or fallen back to old habits from your early years traveling together.

“It’s abandoned,” you input, and let your Uncle check on you, realizing that at that moment, your horse is alive, just soaked and unharmed. You got the worst of the fall. “At least the last time I passed it was. I didn’t even encounter any infected.”

“But it doesn’t mean there isn’t any,” Jesse interjects, making your uncle agree.

“That’s true. What’s the last place you stayed at, Sunny?” Your Uncle asks as he moves away to grab the blanket off his horse to wrap it around you.

“No,” you shake your head. “We didn’t stay. We passed by, but I did see a bank. A pretty big one. It could have a vault.”

Your uncle stays quiet for a moment before he nods. “Okay. We’ll check it out. Come on, let’s get you out of those wet clothes so we can go. You don’t have any cuts or anything concerning, but we’ll just have you stay out of any action for a while.”

“Okay,” you agree without a fight and follow him to borrow some clothes since everything you own, even your horse, is soaked.

Once you get yourself situated, you get back on the road and don’t take long to come across the town you talked about, finding it empty of any people and infected. Or at least, the infected aren’t roaming the streets. If people were here, it’d be obvious, instead, it’s a ghost town, and that raises the hairs on the back of your neck rather than making you feel relaxed.

It's a good thing you stick to the bank and don’t take time to explore a thing, who knows what monsters lurk in the shadows.

“The horses look like they fit through the rubble,” your uncle Tommy lets you and Jesse know before he walks out to grab his horse's reins and leads her inside.

You don’t doubt your Uncle, so you follow behind him with your horse, and then Jesse trails after you.

When you’re inside and making your way further inside the bank, you can’t help but be taken aback just a little by the state of the entrance of the bank. It’s one of the few things you like about this new world; man-made things slowly being taken over by Mother Earth. It can be a breathtaking sight, and the entrance of the bank is one of those sights.

The entrance is collapsed in it on itself, letting in only sparse beams of light inside through broken windows and cracks on the cement, leaving it pretty dim, but it’s the right amount of light to let you see how moss and greenery have slowly claimed the destruction, and the way the puddled rain water glimmers on the ground.

“It’d suck to make it this far in our trip and get killed by debris,” Jesse comments as he follows you, and you follow your Uncle through the maze that debris made.

“Don’t worry.” Your Uncle chuckles. “It’s probably been like this for years. It ain't collapsin’ today…maybe.”

You muster a smile, and Jesse feigns a laugh at your Uncle’s very reassuring comment.

“I see a way inside just over there,” your Uncle points out, but you don’t catch what he does right away. You have to walk in just a little further to see the gap he pointed out, and once you do, you and Jesse go completely serious again.

However, before you can walk through the gap to see what the inside holds, your uncle brings you all to a stop to listen first.

You don’t hear anything right away, so your Uncle grabs a pebble and throws it inside, causing two growls to respond, and letting you see a picture of what you could find inside. Albeit it’s blurry since you can’t be sure if it’s just two infected until you’re inside.

“Okay, Jesse, you’ll go in with me and help me take out the infected. Sunny,” he whispers directly at you before you can argue. “You stay here until I come back to give you all the clear, okay?” He presses, and you part your lips to argue, but he cuts in right away.

“I wasn’t askin’ for your opinion. I just wanted to know if you caught all that.”

You huff and challenge his gaze for a second before you nod stiffly.

“Good. Now keep your eyes and ears open,” he reminds you before he turns away and leads the way again. You don’t cross that threshold, but you walk to the edge and peek out, catching a glimpse of Jesse and your Uncle before you hear the nerve-wracking sound of clickers, giving the answer as to what kind of infected the men will be facing, and making you think about disobeying your Uncle.

You believe that both men will be able to handle the clickers, but it doesn't take away from the fact that you’ll be a big advantage.

Yet, you don’t jump down to the ground floor to join them. You stay put and watch them creep away and get out of sight to try and catch the clickers off guard to make as little fuss as possible.

You try to strain your ear, but you can hear the clicking sound of clickers, which is a good thing. It means their plan to sneak up on them is working.

However, it’s because it’s quiet and you’re trying to be even quieter that you hear the sound of rubble falling in the water. At first, you think nothing of it. It must be natural because of the state of this place, but you hear it again, and followed by that is the sound of bare flesh hitting the cement.

It can’t be your horses because you left them near the entrance, plus their hoofs wouldn’t sound like that. It’s…some kind of infected, and basing it off how quiet it is, you’re assuming it’s a Stalker.

You can only be sure if you look, so you slowly reach for your revolver before you very slowly start to churn your head.

Just as you catch a glimpse of its ugly face and prove that it’s in fact a Stalker, suddenly the monster lunges at you, causing you to scream, and since you’re on the ledge, you lose balance and fall inside the bank with your back slamming on the ground and the infected landing on top of you.

The noise of the altercation alerts the clickers, making Jesse and your Uncle have to resort to charging at them instead. All while you try with all your might to hold the Stalker back and keep it from biting you, and honestly, finding a way to get it off you is quite easy. You can do it, but you choose to struggle. You see the potential in letting it take a nip of your flesh and choose to struggle.

And oh, the thought of having no choice but to accept death's comforting embrace is tempting because it means that you would be able to be there again. The peaceful afterlife you left. There would be no choice around it, you would be there again with Sarah, your mom, and most importantly, your dad.

You’d get to apologize for not trying harder this time. You’d remind him that you love him and that no place could ever be home if he wasn’t with you. Most importantly, you’d be able to feel like you aren’t getting choked and crushed by the incredible weight pressing down on you.

You’d be weightless and pain-free…

Yet just as you start to picture that perfect afterlife, the image of Ellie’s empty chair flashes in your mind, and your mind is bombarded with the thought of her.

Guilt and the reminder of why you chose to live in the first place seeps right back inside, and you gain the will and the might to shove the Stalker off of you.

Before it can come charging at you or go hide, you drag yourself to your ass and hit the trigger of your gun not just once, but three times until you make sure it won’t even twitch.

After that, once the Stalker is dead, you look for your Uncle and Jesse, catching your Uncle hitting his armored Clicker with the end of his rifle over and over again. It’s already dead, but he keeps hitting it with so much force that its head gets crushed into smithereens.

Jesse, on the other hand, seemed to have shot his clicker and left it alone once it was lifeless, so you catch him walking over to you now.

“Is it clear?” You ask as he walks over.

“The commotion would have made any others come out so, it seems like it, yeah,” he assures you, and the moment he reaches you, he offers you his hand like a nice gentleman, so you accept his help and get up on your feet with some struggle.

There’s no sharp pain. Just aches from all the falling today.

Nevertheless, your uncle seems to snap out of whatever spell had him obliterating that Clicker, the moment he catches a glimpse of you standing on your given height.

At first, he calls out your name as his contorted face comes undone and expresses pure concern. After that, he rushes over to you. “Are you okay?” He asks as he studies you. “You weren’t bit were you?”

You meet his dark, worried gaze and feel more guilt hitting you for wanting to leave your Uncle behind when all he does is worry about you.

“No,” you assure him softly, and without thinking, you step forward to wrap him in an embrace that catches him off guard. “I’m okay. Thank you,” you whisper as your eyes get glossy.

“Good,” your Uncle scoffs with confusion mixing with his relief. “I’m glad. Now, why don’t we find the vault to rest? You need it.”

“We all do,” you add and pull back to face both men.

“Come on then,” your uncle says without wasting another minute before leading the way through the now empty bank.

“I wonder why that clicker had armor on,” you fill the silence as you walk past the armored clicker. “Is that how armed the security was at banks?”

“No,” your Uncle answers your curiosity. “There were securities sometimes, but never armed like that. Not unless someone was trying to rob the bank.”

You hum and let a short silence fall as you reach the deposit box area, finding at that moment, an old corpse by an empty duffle bag.

That explains the armored Clicker and the other clicker Jesse took down.

“Oh, would you look at that?” Your Uncle muses as all three of you walk into the room.

“It didn’t seem like it was his lucky day,” Jesse comments as you look at the scene on the floor.

“A lot of people started breaking into banks when the outbreak happened,” your Uncle shares as he walks to the duffle to look through it. “With the whole world erupting into chaos, everyone thought it would be easy to get rich or get stuff otherwise unattainable. I guess nobody thought it would be the end of the world until it was.”

You walk away to look around at all the deposit boxes still locked and hiding riches that will always be hidden away.

“Why would people keep stuff here?” Jesse asks as he also departs from your Uncle to also take a look around.

“Well, this place was protected, so instead of leaving it all vulnerable at home, some people trusted the bank to keep their money or valuables safe.”

“I saw this movie with Apollo once where the bank workers would replace the jewelry with fake jewelry to be able to cash it,” you mention and sigh as you start to miss your husband and your baby.

“Oh yeah,” Jesse chimes in as he snaps his fingers. “I’ve seen that movie before. It was really good.”

You hum and start to drag your feet. “I miss Apollo and Teddy. I wish phones worked,” you grumble and turn as you see nothing worthwhile—“that’s something I miss.”

Your Uncle gets up with a paper in hand and chuckles at you. “You were four before, who would you call?” He teases.

You grab your back straps and start to walk back towards him. “Well, you,” you remind him, making him scoff in amusement. “And I would call…my…dad,” you trail off into a whisper. “That’s all, but hey,” you say louder with a faint smile. “I have people I can call now. That’s why I miss them.”

“We’ll be back home soon,” your Uncle tries to assure you. “Now, thank these stupid bank robbers for leaving the code to the vault,” your uncle shows off. “We’ll be able to stay inside for the night and not have a lookout.”

Jesse claps quietly, and you look over at the corpse. “Thank you,” you direct at if before you follow your uncle to the giant metal door.

You try to help after he unlocks it, but he pushes you away and makes Jesse help open the door.

“And welcome,” your uncle tries to make light of the night. “Take a breath and take the night off from all the worry. We’ll be able to sleep comfortably tonight.”

“Is that so?” Jesse doubts the area, and he has every right to, but your uncle is right.

“Yeah, it is,” you assure him as you walk in first, seeing a skeleton inside. Only this one dons armor, and holds onto a shotgun they seemed to have used to end their misery.

“We would stay in places like this often,” you continue as you grab the armored skeleton and drag it out past the big door so it’s not an eyesore in the room.

“If someone does try to come in, we’ll hear them struggle to open the door,” your Uncle adds. “That will give us time to react. That’s why Joel chose to stay in places like these in the beginning. Sunny was a little girl, so we took extra precautions.”

You don’t comment on the memory or try to recall those old days. You drop the skeleton and walk back inside to wander around, seeing that the deposit boxes are open in this room, so you snoop through them as Jesse and your Uncle gather abandoned money to use for a fire to have light and make the room warm.

“What would the old you from the old world think about you doing this?” Jesse asks your Uncle. “I mean you were all dependent on this, weren’t you?”

“Well, first, I would assume I was insane or crazy rich,” your uncle says. “And second, yes, this was once our livelihood. We didn’t have a lot of it, but…we were happy.”

“I sometimes wonder what my life would’ve looked like if I got to live in the old world,” Jesse keeps filling the silence, making you peer over with an amused smile. “Maybe I would’ve been in construction like you.”

Your uncle scoffs. “Ah, nah. Think bigger. I was lame.”

“You said you were happy,” Jesse counters, making you smirk. “Doesn’t sound bad to me.”

Your uncle goes quiet for a moment, and a match strikes before he offers him a response. “I never appreciated it until after. Until it was all gone. I imagine that was everyone’s life story.”

You turn away from the pair and hear a fire start as you continue to snoop through, noticing a silver ring in one of the open boxes and immediately taking it as you think about Apollo.

“Look at this,” you call for everyone's attention and turn to show the ring off. “You think Apollo will like it?” You ask as you bring the ringer closer, as you see words engraved on it. “His wedding band is good, but I always wanted something better for him. This looks better. Besides, he deserves it for being so understanding of my decision.”

“I think it’ll be nice, Sunny, take it,” your uncle backs up your choice before he also sounds thoughtful. “I should get something for Maria and Benji too.”

You smile at him and assure him. “I’ll keep my eye out for you,” you let him know, and finally recognize that the words engraved on the ring are Latin, but you have no idea what it means.

‘Sic Parvis Magna’

Apollo's dad can probably figure it out. He was a university teacher who taught about Ancient Greece and other ancient stuff.

“Thank you,” your uncle says back. “Now, let's close that door and gather for dinner. We should take advantage of the extra security to get as much sleep as we can before we have to leave. Plus, you,” he points at you. “You need to rest. You’ve been through it today. You need it.”

You hum in agreement and go on to help with what you can, or with what they let you help with. Which is not a lot, they let you take tonight easy because of your concussion and the tumble that left your body aching.

It does feel quite odd letting yourselves be so relaxed though, after weeks on the road having to be on guard and look over your shoulder. So much so that at first you’re all so tense, but after a while, once you’re all reassured that no one is coming in and no infected is lurking outside, you all exhale and let yourselves loose. You share stories, and mostly answer Jesse’s curiosities about the old world because he likes to hear about your Uncle’s past, and no matter how many times you’ve heard it, you never tire of the stories he tells.

There was even a moment when you were all gathered around the fire that you laughed. You genuinely laughed a hearty laugh.

The action felt so foreign yet so…good, like everything that torments you would be temporary and you’d be alright.

Maybe you should’ve hung onto that feeling to try and mend your broken soul, but you remembered why you’re so far from home and the events that caused it, and that small taste of healing vanishes, leaving your world broken again.

Only as you come off this high, you hurt so much worse. As if it happened for the first time. That’s why you can’t sleep, or you choose not to, because you know the nightmares that await you, and Apollo is not here to keep you grounded or make you feel safe.

Staying awake won’t help you feel better about your injuries, but you’d rather spend a sleepless night than have to go through the memories that torment you at night. Besides, it seems like you’re not the only one awake.

In the darkness that swallows the room, you see Jesse getting out of his sleeping bag, so after a while of giving him time to himself, you join him in a corner filled with more stacks of money.

“It’s crazy to me that this paper controlled the world,” he whispers thoughtfully.

“I had a piggy bank once,” you share as you’re on the topic of money again. “I kept my allowance in it. Of course, I wouldn’t get the big bucks like my sister, but I would get dollar bills from my dad, my uncle, or the neighbors.”

Jesse chuckles, and you smile softly.

“Oh yeah, I was really well-liked, but that’s beside the point,” you brush it off and continue with your story. “I was saving up for this beautiful princess tea set. That was all I was saving up for, so when the time came to go buy it, I collected all my money, went to the store, grabbed my princess tea set, and put my money on the counter…guess how much I had.”

Jesse shakes his head before he gives you a response. “More than enough?”

You scoff. “Five dollars. The princess tea set was fifteen.”

“So all that saving up…what was it for?”

You sigh. “Ice cream and candy. I had wasted my money on ice cream and candy. Every time I went to the store or the ice cream truck passed, I used my money. That’s where it all went,” you share with disappointment. “I was devastated.”

“Let me guess,” Jesse adds. “Your dad put in the rest?”

You smile softly right away and nod. “Yeah, he did, and then when we got home, I dressed up my dad and my sister, and we had tea.” You smile wider at the faint memory, but as the darkness once again consumes you, you grow sorrowful.

A silence proceeds to blanket you and Jesse for a moment, letting you both take a seat on the uncomfortable stack of money and focus on nothing and everything the room holds.

“Can I ask you something?” Jesse asks, breaking the silence and drifting your gaze to him.

“Shoot,” you encourage him, making him sigh and welcome a short silence before he lifts his head and turns it to face you.

At first, you can’t make him out in the darkness, but as he lets the silence build, you slowly make out his face, catching a boy-like curiosity. Not one that makes his eyes twinkle, but a curiosity that adds a weight to the conversation, as you know he’s about to be vulnerable.

“How can you put on such a brave face in the face of danger?” He finally asks, making your eyebrows twitch together before you question something.

“You aren’t a coward. I actually admire your bravery and your courage. You're hard to scare, so what do you mean?”

Jesse sighs deeply and averts his gaze to explain himself. “Today, when you fell in the river, you looked anything but scared. And earlier, with that Infected, your face never once showed a glimpse of fear. Are you just used to this world? Or what’s your secret? I’m genuinely curious.”

You falter, and that secret you’ve been keeping from them threatens to come out. “I am scared,” you reveal. “All the time, I just…” You trail off and swallow thickly, feeling your secret press harder to come out as it's just you and him. Your uncle is sleeping, it's just you and Jesse.

Yet it’s the thought that Jesse will know that makes you fight to keep in what you feel.

“I won’t share your secret,” he presses, making your eyes flicker back to him and feel your breath hitch, but that need to keep everything in keeps holding on.

“…I just can’t let it get the best of me,” you continue with what you were saying. “Or it will consume me…” You trail off again and drop your head, hiding that desperate desire to speak your mind.

“I’m sorry,” Jesse cuts in, changing the subject bluntly. “When I went to you about going after Ellie, I pushed. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

You shrug softly. “I needed it. I couldn’t afford letting her get days ahead or even reach Seattle before I made up my mind,” you assure him before you face him and probe. “Why did you come though? Is it to help Dina?”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “No, it’s not just about her,” he shares. “It’s about Ellie, too. I would have gone with them if they had asked. Begrudgingly, but I would have. My friends' problems are my problems.”

You smile in admiration right away as you nod slowly in comprehension. “Nice,” you praise him and avert your gaze again.

As Jesse doesn’t get what he was initially searching for, he boldly crosses that threshold you had kept between you, your uncle, and him.

“What was that hesitation with the infected about?”

You act surprised, but he’s not as patient anymore. He’s persistent and worried.

“I promised my friend Apollo I would look after you, I intend to keep my promise.”

You scoff softly and shake your head, hesitating just a moment longer but finally finding a foothold to slowly tear that wall down. “That day my dad died,” you begin to share slowly. “They caught me off guard, and no matter how hard I tried, how reckless I was, I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t…I couldn’t save him, and now I see it every day as if it happened yesterday. It torments me while I’m awake and in my sleep, and I can’t…it’s,” your voice quivers. “It’s crushing me. That’s why I came…to find an end to my torment because it hurts. It hurts so much.” You cry but immediately cover your mouth to not wake up your uncle.

“It’s selfish, I know,” you say what you assume Jesse is thinking. “But that’s my secret. A desire to die.” You exhale deeply and slide your hands off your face before you keep going as you can’t make yourself stop and need to make it sound better.

“And I found it. My escape. When I fell into that river, I had a choice. I was…home in Texas, and I felt so weightless. Not only that, but I was with…her…my sister, my mom, and…my dad. I was home, and it felt…so good. Every bone and muscle in my body told me to stay,” you whisper. “I felt that need so deeply inside me that for a moment…it was no longer a choice, but then…there was an empty chair with a name card on it. Ellie’s,” you pause and wipe the tears off your cheeks.

“I tried to fight myself, but then I thought of how alone she’ll be, and I know…I know she has you, Dina, and everyone else, but there’s this connection only she and I share. A connection only she and I know because no one loved him like we did and…I thought about how alone she would be if I did slip away, and…that thought brought me back. She did,” you finish saying and keep wiping tears off your face.

“I’m sorry,” Jesse tries to offer some consolation. “And I think you made the right choice. As costly as it seemed.”

You sniffle. “I’m horrible,” you can’t help but spill. “I didn’t even think about my family. I was so ready. It hurt so much to come back because I was with him, but then I wasn’t. I…I,” you can’t finish saying, and drop your head to cry as quietly as possible.

“Just,” you add as you wipe your face and face him again. “Don’t tell anyone, okay? Especially not her. I’ll be good now,” you reassure him. “I’m trying. I am. For her.”

“I won’t,” Jesse whispers as he watches how much you struggle to stop from sobbing.

He had watched you from his seat the entire time because he didn’t know how to help, but now as he sees you crying but also trying to stop, he cups your shoulder before he wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you in against him so you can find some comfort in his embrace.

And you do. In your most vulnerable moment, you find comfort in your friend.

——

*SOMETIME LATER. SEATTLE*

“The Evergreen State, home of the Dodgers,” you break the silence as you come across a trail sign that gives two different directions; one that points to Arboretum and the Seattle Trail. You all follow the Seattle Trail, of course.

“No,” your uncle snorts. “Not even close. Mariners.”

“Oh.”

“Los Ángeles was home to the Dodgers.”

You rest your chin on your horse's head and become reminiscent. “Apollo watches old Re-runs of baseball games with his dad and brother. I can never get into them though. It’s the same games over and over again.”

“They could say the same thing about your movies,” your Uncle quips, making you loll your head to the side to look at him with a pointed glare.

“Yeah. I’ll let you have that old man,” you mutter. “Touché.”

You then continue to sigh and glance up at the tall green trees that almost touch the sky. Wyoming doesn’t have trees this tall, you wish there were because they’re so fascinating, but you’re also so terrifying in a sense. They’re like giants.

“I’ll give it to Washington. Their forests are beautiful,” you muse. “They’re so…green…” You trail off and glance at your two trusted companions, catching Jesse not even giving you the time of day, while your uncle rolls his eyes, making you smile faintly before you sit up. At that moment, catching the whiff of something completely foul.

The further you walk, the stronger that smell gets. It even burns your nose, but the smell is not strange. You all know it well and don’t take long to come across the violent scene in the middle of the dirt path.

You are only a few miles in, and you’re already coming across corpses of what were once living humans. Not infected. And it’s not just a couple; just past the thickness of some greenery is a group of them. All slaughtered and all seeming to be donning similar green coats that almost make them go unnoticed if their pale, lifeless face didn’t stand out against the dark dirt.

“Do these look like W.L.F? Could it have been them?” Jesse asks as he studies the violent scene to make sure that neither of the women you knew was amongst them.

“No,” you ease his worry. “These don’t look like W.L.F. They were ordinary clothes and,” you pause and look back at the body of the man you passed with a white painted symbol that was nothing like a wolf. This symbol is like…an eye? Or something astrological?

“…they didn’t have that symbol or use the same coat,” you let Jesse and your Uncle know. “But…these are too many to have been taken down by Dina and Ellie alone. Maybe it was W.L.F. That girl,” you avoid saying her name. “Did hint at Seattle being dangerous. Or something…so maybe this is a glimpse of it.”

Your Uncle hums before you hear him tighten his hands against his reign.

“Whatever it may be,” your uncle comments with his eyes narrowed ahead. “Let’s try not to get caught in the middle of it and hope Dina and Ellie are trying to do the same. Come on, it's better not to stop. Someone could be close.”

You steal one glance at the violent scene, and from what you can tell, they were all taken down by gunshots, and a lot of them died with melee weapons. No firearms.

Maybe they got taken after they died?

Whatever the case, you push away your curiosities and pay even closer attention to the tall trees, just in case there’s people hiding up there like when you were in Kansas.

Luckily, besides critters and birds, there’s nothing else that inhabits the trees, and after crossing a few miles, you find the freeway and thankfully leave the thick of the woods.

You are far more exposed now because you don’t have the cover of the trees, which is the downside, but at least you don’t have to be scared that there's people lurking up there.

Now all you have to worry about is if there’s people lurking around you, or if you’ve been accidentally spotted. So far, everything along the freeway is truly abandoned. There’s no sign of life or Infected, just Mother Earth consuming the manmade cars that were left on the freeway, and the manmade highway itself.

Eventually, you end up at the end of a bridge that either deteriorated or was blown up like the other major cities. Either way, you reach the high point and get the perfect view of the city, wondering instead of admiring what dangers such a beautiful city holds.

Ellie is somewhere inside there. In danger, hiding, close to Abby, or…hurt. You can’t think of the other alternative. It’s too grim and threatens to shove you back into that coma-like state.

“Listen,” your uncle interjects. “When we enter the city. We’ll take our separate ways. Sunny, you and Jesse stick together, and I’ll go off alone,” your uncle brings up without facing you because he knows he’ll see your disbelief and disagreement.

“No,” he blurts before you can cut in. “You cannot come with me,” he makes you shut up. “We’ll cover more ground this way, and I'd prefer it if Jesse didn’t go off alone. So yes, you have to stay with him.”

You huff and pout as you stare off at the nearby city.

“We’ll meet up again in the morning,” he continues and points to a spot on a map you found in an abandoned gas station just before you got into the city.

“What if you end up in danger? How are we supposed to find you then?” You argue either way and snap your head to pierce your glare into him. “The city is fucking huge. It’s better if we stick together! That girl said this place was dangerous!”

“And if we stick together, we won’t even cover a quarter of the city,” your uncle argues and finally faces you. “If we separate, we cover more ground, so I’m not arguin’ with you about it.”

You scowl and look away to grumble your defeated response. “Fine.”

“Take care of each other, and if you find the girls, throw them on your horses or tie them. Whatever it is, just bring them back. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jesse confirms that he understands what you need to do, making your uncle move his horse closer to you to pick on you now.

“We'll meet in the mornin’. I swear.”

You slowly look back at him as you hear his attempt to assure you and keep your frown plastered as you retort. “If not, I will come after ya. I’m not goin’ home without you. Together, remember?” You bring up since it seems appropriate now that you’re traveling on the road like the old days.

“How can I forget?” he says lightheartedly and flashes you a small smile. “Now let’s go. Let’s see each other off.”

Knowing he’s right, but not admitting it, you continue toward the city. Yet the only difference is when you come off the highway, you break apart like the old faded lanes that lead to different streets of what was once a buzzling city.

You and Jesse try to keep quiet as you roam the quiet streets, not because you still don’t have the energy to make conversation. After your heart-to-heart with Jesse, that wall you kept up has slowly come down, and you let your voice be heard more. You’re not just a quiet listener anymore; you join their conversations and tell them stories about everything and anything that comes to mind. Even of the past. Or at least the parts that didn’t stab your heart to recollect. So that’s not why you keep quiet.

You don’t want to draw unwanted attention. You’re already walking through the city on horses, so you don’t want to put yourselves at even more risk by talking.

“We should find somewhere to hide our horses,” you bring up. “We’re gonna stick out regardless, but this way it’ll be somewhat easier to blend in.”

“Yeah,” Jesse sighs as he keeps scanning the area without daring to miss an inch. “That’s smart. One of these buildings shall do it. It’ll help if we keep them close to our way out of the city, just in case we have to make some hasty escape.”

You nod and scan the area until a music store catches your eye.

“There!” You point out. “The windows are covered. Let’s keep ‘em there.”

You nudge your horse to walk faster to reach the store quicker as you feel an inkling of excitement seep through.

Nevertheless, and as expected, the doors are closed.

“I’ll find a way in,” Jesse volunteers. “Stay here.”

Without another choice, you agree and watch him disappear into an alley before you start to look over your shoulders, making sure that you don’t catch anything suspicious, and finding yourself find this silence more terrifying than any monster.

Alas, nothing comes out from any corner or any building. The ghost is clear, and it seems that Jesse comes across the same luck because he opens the doors rather quickly.

“Look at you,” you muse as you hop off your horse to lead yours and Jesse’s inside. “Good job.”

“Team Jackson!” He exclaims and puts his hand up to offer you a high five as you reach the doors.

“Yeah!” You giggle and let the reins go to give him a high five. “Team Jackson!”

“The store is clear and by the looks of it, it has grass growing in so they can eat that while we’re gone,” he says after you return to the horses and continue to lead them inside.

Once he closes the doors behind you and barricades the store again, you let the reins go and let yourself be in complete awe by the store.

“What richness,” you muse as you take in all the different kinds of music that's still left behind. “If only I had infinite space in my backpack. I’d take it all home, oh, and look!” You point out and run over to the folk section to snatch a Joan Baez album off the shelf. “My queen of Folk music, Joan Baez. My uncle said my mama loved her.” You smile at the album but also curse the fact that you can’t play it right now.

“If only we had room. All this music wouldn’t collect dust at Jackson,” Jesse says, thinking more selflessly, whereas all you think about is your collection. “I’m sure…people would love to hear some of that be played at a fall fair?” He asks as he tries to discreetly press you to rethink about your abandoned dream of having a fair at Jackson.

Lately, him and your uncle have been bringing up the idea, but that excitement and dream died with…your dad. You just let both men try to insist because you don’t want to be rude and turn them down. They can still have a fair, you just won’t be a part of it.

“Hm, maybe,” you say without that initial enthusiasm, and put the album down to start walking down the site with your fingers raising the dust off the music people forgot about.

“Let’s head out before we lose more time here,” you bring an end to all the excitement and return a sorrow that was such a constant companion in your group.

Once you collect the things you need and go back outside, the tension lingers until you speak up “Joan Baez has a song called ‘Jesse’. Fun fact.”

Said man glances over at you and probes. “Really?”

You glance at him, too, and nod. “Yep. When we get back home, listen to it. Maybe it’s not your thing, but it’s still cool. You can pretend she’s singing about you, considering your girl might have been stolen.”

He rolls his eyes but doesn’t get hurt or bothered by your comment.

“Maybe you are right,” he mutters. “After this. Maybe I’ll take your advice about officially cutting things off.”

You pat his shoulder. “Yeah, I would like that for you. You’re young, take advantage of that and explore your options. Or don’t. Up to you. Maybe you’ll meet someone here. Won’t that be romantic?” You tease, making him crack a smile.

“I guess I’ll see. Maybe this trip has changed Dina. Maybe we can work things out,” he says, and as to not take sides, you give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Yeah. Maybe. We’ll have to find her to know. Hopefully they’re okay,” you trail off into a whisper.

“I’m sure they will be,” he tries to assure him and you. “They’re smart and work well together.”

You hum in agreement, and as you scan the area as you turn the corner, you think about Ellie and hope with every fiber of your body that she’s okay. You can’t…imagine her not being okay. The thought, it…utterly terrifies you and threatens to send you down that dark cycle again…

That’s why you hang onto Jesse’s attempt at reassuring you as you wander the streets of Seattle, trying to go undetected by the threats that make this city so dangerous.

However, just as you note how calm and quiet it’s all been, Abby’s warning starts to come into fruition as out of hiding, canisters hit the ground.

Jesse and you catch where the canisters land and notice that they’re smoke screens, but no matter how fast you react, you can’t avoid them. They go off, and your ears begin to ring, while your eyes begin to sting because of the thick clouds of smoke, and your lungs get polluted by the same poison, leaving you dazed and desperate to find Jesse.

He was next to you, he can’t be far.

“Jesse?!” You call out between coughs and pull out your gun as you begin to walk in the direction he was just in before the smoke broke you apart.

“Jesse?!”

Seconds later, your name is shouted back, and the smoke begins to clear from the air and your body by the second, so you’re less dazed, but you still can’t see him. Or anything else for that matter. You can only hear different footsteps all around you.

“Jesse!”

“Here,” a stranger speaks up for the man you’re looking for and comes out of the smoke with a mask and gun.

In response, you point yours at your head, but then, from behind you, before you can shoot, something cold and hard hits the back of your head, leading to a void of darkness.

.

.

.

.

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A/N- some game scenes are you excited??

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @maplecohen @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @hardbeingcasual @rana030 @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @sunsumonner @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl @g4ns3y @izzzzy-the-amazing @aphr0d1teh @lovelyygirl8 @ivy-taylorsversion @mmkkzz @avitute @fuckmebobboys @kitdjarin1 @barnes70stark

[cute-little-fly]

Now that some people have been discussing some stuff about HB again… I think I understand another reason why the criticism people make about the hellaverse and Viv as a creator bothers me in a different way than the criticism made for another shows, that I didn’t mentioned in a post I made a while ago…

One day I watched a criticism video about the last episode of the indie series “Murder Drones” (if you haven’t watched it go for it, it’s fun!) and the way the critic framed the criticism was very different.

For example, people in the hellaverse critical community will often say things like: “Viv doesn’t make her female characters compelling or developed enough, and that means she is probably mysoginistic or has a yaoi preference or a fetish”.

Contrary to that, this critic said this about about a character of Liam Vickens: “Uzi relationship with her father it’s rushed off, and Uzi’s father doesn’t do anything at the end and never redeems of what he did to her at the start. He is kinda ignored in the final battle and that was lame.” Which is a normal criticism imo.

However, imagine that he would have said: “probably Liam Vickens has daddy issues, and he projected those issues into Uzi’s father, therefore this is probably why he was framed as dumb and coward from the beginning to the end.”.

Like… do you see the difference here??? I really hope you see the difference, because in that way you would be close to understand why we struggle with the criticism.

It makes me a little but uncomfortable that sometimes people project things like that onto Viv when they don’t agree with her work. Like, I get that this could be because of how she sometimes calls out antis, and defends some of her characters like Stolas but like… you are looking worse in my eyes by doing these comments.

The critical community has normalized this at an extent that I find weird… no matter how flawed and wrong Viv can be seen sometimes, and how she openly talks about things like this. Like sex and fetishes… Is weird the way people project a lot as if they knew her irl.

What I am saying is that it’s different saying this: “I really question why Viv is so resistant to give her female characters in helluva boss development or spotlight, I think it’s a flaw of her work”. I would be completely fine with this criticism. Even agree at some extent (though I personally think the female leads are fine and just need more development and screentime)

That she puts more attention to male leads can have a lot of other reasons. Some female authors have admitted struggling to write women, and this might be because of our complicated feelings of being a woman in a patriarchal society. But… god forbid give the woman a benefit of the doubt in something.

This is what we mean when we talk about bad faith criticisms or comments… People act as if Viv purpose was to make a bad show, and not to care about it. Or like she is so incompetent that she shouldn’t even try… and I find that discouraging, because if even with its failures these shows have gotten so loved and popular by a portion of the fans… this means they are kinda covering a niche that wasn’t being filled.

Maybe the reason why people like HB it’s because Blitzø it’s not the typical protagonist asshole some people wish he was. Maybe because Stolas it’s not the typical love interest. Maybe because it reuses a lot of tropes but in an unexpected and weird way.

Like, if Blitzø was another shitty father like Dr Venture, I wouldn’t be as invested in this series. This combination of silly humour and drama it’s great. It could be done better but it’s great for some of us and is also not nice when you talk about us as if you understood our appreciation.

For me at least, It’s completely fine that people make blogs about their frustration of some not being how they expected originally if they didn’t do this stuff. I just wished that the criticism sometimes wouldn’t get as personal for her and for the fans of this show.

Sometimes we make analysis of certain scenes and moments, how that we claim to understand some of the characters deeply because we really feel we can understand them! But, we are being told that we are able to enjoy it because we project headcanons and fill the gaps of bad writing.

While this happens sometimes, like how we fill the gaps of how the non-shown Full Moons go that are basically all, it’s not only because of that that we like it. We also appreciate a lot of things directly shown in the series and we talk directly about them scene by scene and frame by frame.

At the end… this post is like a reflection or opinion about why I think talking about the shows in this particular way it’s something that creates a bad climate for it, and that the reason why there is so much friction in the community it’s the way the criticism is phrased for us (the fans) and the creators.

[crichton-idiot-lover-of-aeryn]

So...I became aware of this show because Prime Video brought it up as a recommendation so on Friday April 25th is when I first started watching it. I admit, I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into and after a few episodes, I couldn't stop watching. It took me 12 solar days which I feel is a record cause BSG reboot took me far longer than that. I never been so invested in a show because of the characters and the more you watch each episode, the more you learn more about them. The stand out for me was Aeryn Sun and how John Crichton views her as something more than what she was bred to do as a peacekeeper. That was when I felt sold on what would be instore between them. As I kept watching, I was amazed how well Ben and Claudia managed to pull off each other because if you don't have chemistry to make it work to make it as realistic and believable, then its a fail. Their chemistry was unlike anything that even now we don't see in a lot of shows - depending on which ones. But their chemistry was off the charts that it blows all the Star Wars romances out the window. To this date now, Aeryn and John are my go to fave couple in Farscape, which I would watch over and over. I got the boxset - the 25th anniversary edition so I am looking forward to the extra special goodies. I never heard of Claudia Black...honest truth since well I came across an article and message forum actually regarding her role as a nightsister in Ahsoka. So I didnt realize why she was a big deal and after watching Farscape and seeing what she is capable of, now I understand. and I realized, man, she is so my type. I dunno how Claudia bypassed my radar after all these years. lol. I was only 15 at the time when the show first debuted but at the time, I didnt have the sci fi channel back home. I'll be posting more about which episodes and scenes are my most favorite. I literally inhaled the show and I regret not letting things digest to give me time to think over. All and all, I had a blast.