#I am going to blue screen irl

[jayswing101]

Hello hi may i interest you in a baby goat? Meet Mocha and her little baby Kinder!! Kinder was born April 13th, 2023 and everyone loves her so much

[khunyuki]

"I am not going to fall in love, Yuu. Not until we find a way home"

<Observing Idia>

Sypnosis: You made up your mind not to fall in love the moment you arrived at Twisted Wonderland with your bestfriend, Yuu. With plenty of responsibilities on your shoulders in both worlds, do you even have time for romance? At least that's what you thought... Until a certain someone's actions caught your gaze.

Oneshot Pairing/s: Idia Shroud x reader

Note/s: My no. 1 fav Idia <3 I love youuuu

Masterlist: TOC

As a magicless student at an all-boy's school like Night Raven College, there are a lot of things you can't do nor can't relate to. The very fundamental thing in this world is magic and that's something you don't have. Being unable to use magic in a magic school has more cons than pros but can you complain? No cuz being in NRC is the only way to keep you, your bestfriend and monster cat safe. That's why it comes as a surprise to you when you found out that there are a lot of people who can't use magic themselves. It's part of the norm so you feel at ease and confident enough to face challenges you normally don't encounter. Magic isn't everything as humans can always adapt to whatever situation they face.

Be it in Twisted Wonderland or your world, there's something that will never change. The inventions created, interests shared, hobbies formed, and many more. It may deviate from your own world but it is essentially still the same. While you can't relate to using magic in your everyday lives, can't properly attend classes like flight, nor can you use it to protect yourself and your friends, there's still something you know you can relate to.

*ping**ping**ping*

Your phone chimed repeatedly as someone seems to have barraged you with text messages. You turned it on to see the person you have plans with that day, your senpai, Idia Shroud.

Gloomurai: Y/N-ssi, raid starts in 10. wer r u?

Gloomurai: come over already

Gloomurai: hurry up

Gloomurai: gonna to start w/o u if ur 2 slow

You looked at the time on your phone, 4:51pm. One minute has already passed so you gotta run. You have plans to play that popular MMORPG at his room where you can use his spare computer.

Nickname: okiokii

Nickname: running as fast as I can

You typed as you literally ran as fast as you can from your initial location at the courtyard to the hall of mirrors so you could get access to Ignihyde. You take twists and turn without getting lost as you always go there to hang out. Once you arrived, you entered without knocking as you know you're the only one he's expecting aside from Ortho.

"Hey, Idia! I arrived in...7 minutes. Wow that's a record"

You cheered as you weren't late yet panted from the sprint. You greeted the owner of the room who was sitting in front of his own pc. There you could see his bright blue hair burning eternally so clearly in the darkness of his room. He turned to face you and pointed at the desktop beside him.

"I already booted the game in your pc"

"Really? Thank you~"

You sat beside him and true to his words, your game is indeed open. Your character can be seen standing besides his inside the screen.

"No prob"

He pulled the strings of his hood as he tried to hide his face from you. While he can hide the blush on his face, he cannot hide the pink tinting his hair. As you started the raid, you couldn't help but think.

Should you try to get to learn Idia more deeply?

Introducing Idia Shroud

Idia Shroud is the introverted housewarden of Ignihyde. After arriving in Twisted Wonderland, you immediately searched for animes, mangas, and games unique to that world. Due to your immense love, you decided to approach him out of your own volition with the help of his little brother, Ortho. He thought you were one of the normies pretending to like anime but you soon became close friends when you expressed everything you know with the same excitement real otakus have.

Your Relationship

Your first IRL interaction is at the board game club. It was awkward for him but you didn't care because he was entertaining you back. You soon became inseparable as you two are often in your own world. He even went as far as to set up an old spare pc so you could play together at the comfort of his room. When it comes to your interests, it was only you two who got along so it wasn't a question how fast you became the bestest of friends.

Observations

It's probably a month after you arrived at NRC when you met. You just finished adjusting to your now life, hastening the process by encountering your very first overblot. You noticed him as soon as you found out about him that you didn't care about what he thinks of you.

Listed below are things you find interesting about him:

Idia has a unique personality

Idia has been frowned upon by people due to his interests in anime and have developed a sharp tongue in his own defense. You could definitely empathize with him regarding that as back in your world, you have also faced challenges due to your interests. You chose to keep it to yourself at the start but have learned that you shouldn't let other people's words bother you. That's why you could understand his defensiveness when you tried to get close to him at first.

He's always so confident behind the protection of his floating tablet or the screen. He would say sassy remarks, insults or whatever is on his mind but when you meet face to face he couldn't even speak a word. You knew he was suspicious of you for trying to get close to him but your relentless pursuit made him crack. He'd berate you for the wrong information you share and correct it. He'd either be rapping his words or muting it so low on he can hear it.

As time passes by, no longer would he say such mean words to you. He's always excited to hear the continuation of the animes you've watched from your world. He would even unleash his keyboard warrior when someone tries to berate you. To others, he may seem weird or creepy but he's actually really kind once you get to know him.

Most of the time, he's pessimistic about himself so you would always tell him otherwise. Even if what he says are true, you still like him and want to be his friend. You'd do your best to comfort him by being by his side and not judging him. Idia isn't a people person nor does he know how to comfort others but if you're not feeling well, he'd try his hardest to make you feel better in the way you can. Like when he offered you to play games with him to release all your stress or simply watch your favorite series together. He won't ask you what's wrong and you appreciate it as he gives you the space you need.

Idia gets flustered really easily

Idia doesn't believe in the compliments you throw his way but when he does, he'd be a blushing mess. As his friend, you didn't like to see him so pessimistic so you'd compliment him whenever you can. All of it are genuine though as you really does think he's a great person that deserves to hear good words.

The way he easily turns red makes you want to tease him. You won't tease him by lying or insulting him, you'd tease him by saying great things about him just to get a reaction. You'd praise him for the little things like when he wins a game he's been grinding for a while. You'd do anything just to see his face, ears and hair turn pink once more.

Idia seems to give you special treatment

You could see this in the way he treats you differently from the others. Mainly because you're close friends that secretly like each other (you admit this but won't act on it). The treatment becomes even better due to you and Ortho getting along really well. You know how harsh Idia's words can be to others and it's in great contrast to his gentle interactions with you. Most of the time, you'd be the only person he'll talk to in the room which others don't really like as he takes most of your attention away. He's definitely smug about it.

If your friends invite you to something you know he'll like, you'd invite him as well. If he doesn't agree, you'll tell him the contents of your trip once you get back. If he does agree to join, you'll keep your attention on him so he won't be left out. If he's feeling unwell, you'll take care of him and move him away from crowds. So he'd repay you by paying for all your expenses for that trip, even the souvenirs or merch that you want.

He knows of your inability enjoy the things you really want to do due to the financial constraints of Ramshackle. That's why he specifically built a pc setup in your dorm and his room just for you as a gift. In your dorm so Yuu and Grim can also use it, mainly for academic purposes, and in his room so you could play together since his internet connection is better. He'd even go as far as to lend you money so you could pull for your favorite gacha banner, or gift you those expensive armors in matching pairs for your characters. It's a bit too much for you as you felt like you're taking advantage of him and his feelings so you reject it but then you'll suddenly see the thing you have your eyes on and he'll make an excuse saying it's your advanced/belated birthday gift.

Idia's intelligence

This is definitely one of the your favorite things about him which leaves you in awe every single time. You remember how he got offered an internship by Olympus Company and how he's being offered by other sponsors for his genius. His talent and expertise in engineering and gaming makes you admire him. Also how he made Ortho when he was just 16, something so complex and hard that you thought many people needed to work on was something he did by himself. You are definitely mindblown by his talents. Add to that when he told you the reason he's allowed to stay in his room during classes as he's practically in charge of NRC's security.

Dilemma

You knew that from the moment you heard about him and sought him out that you will like him. You can clearly see how he likes you too everytime his hair turns pink around you. The two of you have this sense of comradeship and understanding you cannot find with others. Your interests are aligned which brings you so much joy in this world.

If you weren't trying to go home, you would've made the first move already but unfortunately that wasn't an option just yet.

You decided to just keep these feelings to yourself as soon as you realized it. Even if it was unfair to him, all because you like him yet couldn't pursue him.

Conclusion

It's been months since you became friends with Idia. Your blatant interest in him was something you try to keep to yourself yet still uncontrollably express. You like him so much that when you saw him just standing so defeated, like he just accepted that he cannot change anything. That he'll be stuck at Styx forever, his curse has no cure, his brother lost, his friends aware of what he's done, him being all alone in this world. You hated it.

Yuu, Grim and the other kidnapped overblotted boys were finally starting to leave the underworld after giving him words of encouragement, expecting him to come back to school soon. You stayed behind to talk to him, getting closer to his lonely figure.

"The rest are leaving. You should go with them"

His voice that resorted to muttering again hurts you, as you can feel the pain hiding behind it. You took his hand in yours and squeezed it, wanting to share your warmth even just a little bit.

"I will wait for you Idia"

You gave him the gentlest smile you could muster as you gazed tenderly at his eyes. His eyes moistening at something he feels like he doesn't deserve. Your affection was overwhelming and he craves it. It hurts but he loves it at the same time.

"So you have to come back to me"

You leaned forward to kiss him on the lips. It was just a peck that lasted for a few seconds yet felt like eternity. You pulled back and hugged him tightly to show that he wasn't alone. You could feel him trembling as he also clung to you, not wanting to let go but you have to.

"I'll see you at school"

You let go of him and started to leave, following the rest who went first, giving you two privacy. You could see it in his eyes how the gears have turned where he has something to look forward to. He touched his lips with his fingers, disbelieving that you just kissed and hugged him. You were there waving him goodbye excitedly at the premise of meeting him again.

He has to go back. Because you'll be waiting for him.

It's a promise

=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=

Note/s: I didn't seem to do well even though I love him so much😭 I'll do better next time. Anyways is this an observation or a drabble cuz it's mixed😂 Pls give me ideas🙏

[bellysoupset]

irl story under the cut -

my guy is an absolute BABY. He's very sarcastic and cynical most of the time, but the minute something as minor as the sniffles hit him he'll be complaining and whining, wanting cuddles, etc. Thing is, we're not from the same town so that's pretty difficult already, but also we work very different schedules AND he never ever takes breaks. So you know, I never get to experience the good stuff even though he's a germ magnet.

Just so happens this week he's got the stomach flu (again?? in like 3 months??) and still he was insisting he was fine, could work through it. Yesterday he texts me like "I haven't eaten all day because I was feeling queasy, but I forced myself to and now I think I'm gonna puke" and little updates because he still had one hour of commune before getting home. All "yeah, don't think I'm gonna make it."

Eventually he got home, we texted just a bit, I could tell he was dead, he told me he'd go to bed. His normal time to get up for work is 4 AM, yep you read that right, so I woke up at 6 AM and I was a little weirded out he wasnt answering me so quickly, but alright. Then he texted me at 9 AM "I actually stayed home today"

That really shocked me, he's the type to drag himself, but he explained "yeah, I was going to, but then I threw up on my doorstep when I was going out and spent the next 20 mins dry heaving, so I had to call in sick." Again my brain went blue screen at this, I'm just mumbling at this point and then he said "can you come over? I'm on break tomorrow"

Normally I work from home, so you know what, sure I can come over. My work day was slow anyway, so I drove to his place and he looked like a damn corpse, just throwing himself on top of me and whining and I'm like playfully rolling my eyes at him. He was definitely running a temp, but a low one. We cuddled a bit, watched some movies, I told him he had to eat something and so did I. He was actually very open to food, since he hadn't eaten anything since morning and we shared some leftovers, which wasn't anything heavy.

So we cuddled up in bed again and he pressed his mouth to my shoulder while we watched this very funny cutesy movie (L1sa Frank3nstein), which is super baby for our average taste, but it has multiple gross scenes and halfway through he kinda sits up and goes "can we pause? I don't feel good."

I paused, put the laptop aside and kinda patted my lap so he could lie down, which he normally loves, but he shook his head, paling considerably, "no, really, I don't feel good..." followed by a small gag. I cringed, pushing his hair back, "do you want me to get a bucket?" "no, I'm a grown man, I can puke in the bathroom."

I thought it was funny he said this, considering he was shaking from the nausea, but still not making a move to go to the bathroom. I didn't answer him, just scoffed and continued to rub his back, keeping quiet. I could literally hear his tummy gurgling and him gulping down burps.

He's stubborn as hell, so he didn't puke despite it coming very close, then collapsed down on my lap and asked for hair pets again. Which I did, so now he's snoring and I'm typing this on my phone. I'll type more if there are updates.

(this man is gonna give me a stroke)

[rexwrendraws]

spotted on the wall behind the white horse theater!!

Happy one year to Bolt in the Blue by @valeriianz ! Truly the best band au fics I've ever read, I am Endless' #2 fan forever (#1 is Hob, of course) 💙🎸✨

+ alt. colors for the flyer & other scans:

i love taking advantage of my art uni's massive (MASSIVE) scanners for literally anything i can. it's got the most gorgeous grit and scan banding that photoshop trickery cant replicate (though i try lol). so, yes, i literally printed out the b&w flyers, scanned them in, then added color and printed them again to stick on my wall haha.

when digitally adding color, i wanted it to really feel like black ink on colored paper instead of trying to print on color paper and then scan it again (i have done this before idk). i think the xerox-y look is pretty convincing! the green, pink, and purple are my personal favs.

an irl friend suggest i try non-black-ink versions to see what i liked. i think they look cool but some of the text gets a bit lost. still, i like the pale yellow+red ink one. (this almost makes me want to try riso printing this to see what it'd look like 👀👀).

^ this is what the white horse metal barrier edit looked like before I added the Huji Cam filter lol. it wasn't feeling convincing enough like this, so i actually took a photo of my laptop screen with the filter and somehow that looked more real than the actual shot from the show lol. (also, because i've stared at this screenshot for so long, the orange/yellow June 12th poster? is everything on it a reference?? loll)

anyway, had a lot of fun making this!! feel free to print if you want!! READ THE FIC EVERYONE GO READ BOLT IN THE BLUE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[somedudenamedanthony]

Headcannon time, despite the fact that I've never done this for any other fandom, but I feel you guys deserve it.

So, my boy, my precious dumb blonde Chad Charming, by baby who is older than I am by almost ten years, absolutely fucking plays League of Legends (and no, I am not just saying this because I play Legends of Runeterra and wanna project, hear me out). He's absolutely a Demacia girly (Garen main that settles for Jayce (Piltover) when he needs to but will complain about it the entire time). He tried to get his friends to play it, but besides from Doug having a Riot account and pity downloading the game every now and then than deleting it again after a week, nobody gets him.

So of course he talks about it to Chloe, who also kinda doesn't really get it but Lux was low-key her lesbian awakening and she likes seeing her brother happy so she'll hang out with him while he plays.

That is to say, they both absolutely watched Arcane.

Chloe had no prior knowledge to Piltover/Zaun beforehand, so going into it was a shock, but Chad kinda knew stuff and could kinda explain what was going on.

It ended up falling on 90% deaf ears because the second Caitlyn Kiramman showed up lil pre-teen Chloe was GONE, kicking her feet and giggling and blushing.

Afterwards Chad was like "okay, that was fun, can't wait to hear what they're gonna do with season two"

BUT CHLOE, oh sweet Chloe, was WIPPED.

They watched it again like 12 times, then Chloe began playing Legends of Runeterra with Chad for more Caitlyn content, and she tries to hide it like "I dunno, I just relate to her a lot, we're both half Asian, and French, and got blue hair"

But he knows, and he doesn't care because at least he has a friend he can play with now.

And then Red comes along, and Red is a Normie™ who has absolutely no idea what LoL is, and the cycle continues as Chad and Chloe force Red to watch Arcane with them, with Chad infodumping as Red experiences the great joy of Arcane known as There's An Autistic Girl With Nice Titties And Blue Hair On Screen (though she could just look next to her and see one irl).

The two of them stay up at night writing CaitVi fanfics with each other and Chad is afraid of the monsters he created.

[sneezypeasy]

*sigh*

Y'know, this really doesn't/shouldn't matter, but as this particular accusation keeps getting thrown at me over and over again - oh fuck it, I'm gonna take the bait this one time and set the record straight once and for all. Honestly my "appetite" in this context is truly not anyone's business (and if you don't care to hear about it this is the one warning you'll get to click away lmao) but I've reached the point where if you really wanna attack my credibility based on who you think I enjoy fantasizing about, I'm gonna throw you a bone and tell you exactly what type that is - cuz as much as I'm sick of the ad hominem attacks the Aussie in me is even more sick of watching them miss so fucking hard. If you're gonna roast me, the least you can do is hit me where it hurts, goddamn it. Get it right or go home you uncooked noodles. Capiche?

When it comes to my taste in men, my "type" is: big, strong, hairy brutes. There, I said it. Give me lumberjacks, give me cavemen, I want my Jason Momoas, I want my Ma Dong-Seoks, I want them broad shoulders and tree-trunk calves and I wanna see those muscles bulge. If a fictional character ever gets me biting my lip at the screen, it's never gonna be a fine-featured pretty boy, it's gonna be a good thick daddy who can take my wrists, pin me against a wall and [--------------------------------‐---sustained bleep sound effect---------------------------------]

1:38-1:51 🤣

Personality wise, I'm a basic bitch who has approximately zero defenses for the "jerk with a heart of gold" stereotype. Gets me every time, without fail. The smooth-talking playboy who flirts with everyone and who could bed anyone he wanted, but who only lets you see him at his deepest, dearest, most vulnerable moments? Sorry, am I supposed to not fall for that shit or something? Well frankly I don't understand how and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If he happens to be built like a fortress on top of that? Yeah, I'm done. Have me bathed and brought to your tent, sir, please and thank you.

I admit, it's rare that a character with the physique I like also has that heartbreaker personality I'm a sucker for. Guys in fiction are usually strong and mean or they make up for their lighter frames with silver tongues and barbed promises - rarely do writers create a character who's stacked with both brains and brawn, so to speak. Makes sense though, as while irl people can max out any combination of stats that they put effort towards - in fiction a character who's too good at too many different attributes can come across unbalanced or Gary Stu-ish and will fail to resonate with audiences unless the writer really knows what they're doing.

That being said, there really isn't any character in ATLA who fits my type - either of them, actually. There are some bit characters like Chit Sang who get close in terms of physical build - but Chit Sang has very gaunt, angular facial features that I'm really not a fan of and tbh, while I get that I can't expect all my big buff boys to also be masters of wit and cunning and charm, being dumber than a box of rocks does seal it for me, sorry. In terms of personality, I guess the closest character would be Jet, and he's cool and all but yeah, the whole "would go as far as killing kids" thing makes him a bit of a hard sell for me too. (And yes, it's worth questioning the writers' choices to create him with those flaws to begin with but look, that's a discussion for another day 😂)

All this to say, if you wanna tease me about coveting fictional characters and allowing thirst to cloud my judgment - COME AT ME BOYS. But not with Zuko, for fuck's sake. The character that makes sneezy.exe blue-screen ain't him. It's actually the late great Carthaginian General Hannibal Barca, the man the myth the legend may he Rest in Peace if anyone's seriously wondering. Look, I do like the scar, and the awkwardness is endearing - he's definitely not ugly or unappealing by any means so please don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to bash him or nothin' - but if I'm being brutally honest, he's not my type! Not physically, not even emotionally. If I ship Zutara, it's because aspects of the ship appeal to me that are unrelated to my personal opinion of Zuko as an object of fantasy, which if you must know (and now you do, congratulations, you're welcome), the kind of boy I do fantasise about when I'm in the mood for that sort of thing could literally and figuratively sweep Zuko off his feet - and then sit on him. In either order.

P.S. While we're on this topic, the character I personally relate to most heavily is not Katara either btw. It's Toph. If you're going to accuse me of bias, questioning my views on Toph would make the most sense for that reason. But really, it's hardly my fault that she's basically the most perfect flawless irreproachable badass in ATLA or practically all of animation as a whole. Come on now. *whistles innocently*

[battlemaiden13]

If I had money I’d throw it at you to write even just like. A one shot of the anti harem fic you described.

It’s seems so scrumptious especially with all the set up with orange and y/n

Would love to get more insight on how their relationship would play out-

Maybe I should start taking commissions for my writing XD I’d love to be paid to write. Anyway here ya go!

Like Orange knows MC is not inherently evil or anything, he just hates that she’s hiding something as when people are lying it irritates him. She thinks her life is none of his goddamn business so she’s not telling him jack about themselves leading to this whole hatred between them. 

They game together so often! Like almost every night. It was just a coincidence that they found each other in their party one day, and then it kept happening so they became online friends before using mic to talk now. Neither recognise the other's voice because they are so friendly online and so stubborn in person. 

They have absolutely ranted to each other about one another before and neither of them have connected the dots. 

Even if neither of them have connected that their online buddy is also their arch nemesis, both of them are super perceptive and smart which only adds fuel to the fire of hate that they share. They are in some of the same classes and have a major rivalry over top of said class. 

Orange is totally crushing on his online friend even if he’s never seen what she looks like and as said in another post Orange’s friend Asgore keeps trying to set him up with the kid of one of his other close friends (who also just happens to be MC) but Orange keeps denying it.

Mc is the first to figure out that her online friend is the skeleton monster who hates her guts. Something he said that happened to her connects all the dots and she feels like an idiot. 

She starts being nicer to Orange IRL but he is super sus about that and she just feels like a moron. She wants to hang with Orange away from the computer screen but if she tells him he’ll think she had conducted some elaborate scheme to trick him and he’d be crushed.

Sucks that shes also acting weird online now and Orange feels terrible that something is bothering his crush. She asks him a hypothetical about if she was someone he hated in real life and he said he would never hate her. 

She’s going to confess to him but through a bunch of mishaps he figures it out first and is so distraught. Because on the one hand he doesn’t want to hate her and on the other she lied to him. The drama and misunderstanding is so huge that the two need to calm down for a bit

Then one day Orange sits next to her in the cafeteria at lunch. He starts ranting about a level he can’t get past and from there they become friends again with Orange defending her to the others which Blue does not understand. 

Side note! I think the MC for this particular story is going to be genderfluid (yay representation for me). I am referring to them as she a lot currently but in the future it could be they or he depending on the day or story plot points. She is probably their default too but I want the MC to look androgynous so they can dress either way. 

[fulgurbugs]

Birthday haul 3, the final birthday haul

last but certainly not least (in fact, i saved them for last because they are my favorite of the 3 i picked up) is Monster Fest frankie! as irl unboxed photos started to be released, this because the monster fest doll i was the most excited for. i am so happy to have them in hand… this doll is so, so cute. yall.

face card! this frankie has a lot of my favorites on frankie -dark lip (this shiny metal grey… it’s probably the best lipstick color they’ve ever had.) -asymmetrical makeup (and this whole doll goes ham with the asymmetry) and��. Bangs! i love bangs on frankie… and these are really cute. the chunky streaks are similar in execution to fearidescent, but lay much nicer in saran. im also a huge, huge fan of this mostly black hair blend for frankie. it stands out so much!

screen printed detail check. a lot of frankie’s have been going ham on the trans colors, (and this one has all of them too,) but this one is loud and proud pan flag. this is a really really cute and well balanced color scheme overall.

shoe check. this frankie has these cool, disco ball heels, that have these separate yellow pieces attached to them. and also a unique leg mold! frankie’s prosthetic blends into the shoe on the side it’s on, and i think it looks cool as hell. i do love when they do something fun with the prosthetic, though in previous dolls that’s usually just been changing the color of it, so to see a whole new mold is super fun

another detail. these cute little fingerless gloves! theyre separate pieces, but they stay on very securely unless you remove the hands.

accessory check! this time we’ve got another bag, another camera, another ticket (and two ticket rolls, one of which i almost lost when unboxing bc it was so tiny, lol.) a fancy lightning bolt shaped drink cup, a black-bun hot dog, and of course, another pair of sunglasses. i do like the mold on these ones tho

with some accessories on! i have to say, i think the bag isn’t doing much for this look. it’s a little much and less cohesive than clawdeens. probably won’t display them with with it. again, as well, the glasses are cute, but i want to see their face.

.5 shot

now that i’ve unboxed all of them, i had to squeeze them in somewhere. i ended up sitting frankie down on this shelf to make a little frankie corner (since that blue-haired peach riot is also a frankie… maybe i should get a little one piece franky to put with them too.)

i have to say, frankie has become easily my second fav of the g3 mh cast. them being nonbinary is an awesome change, and they’ve been getting hit dolls recently that i really love… welcome committee, when they figure out where the hell they’re releasing you… i’ll be picking you up too.

as for the monster fest pair i picked up, i really don’t have a spot or stands for them. i just have the one stand, so i decided to sit them down in the misc section on my desk

absolutely obsessed with these two. can’t wait to pick up the cleo and lagoona from the line too! (and draculaura… well, she’ll be a project doll. i think i can save her.)

ty guys for reading, if you didn’t skip my insane doll ramblings. it’s been a good birthday :D

[brynnterpretations]

I hope you feel better soon! 💙 Thank you for all that you do for the fandom! I especially love your headcanons!

Would it be alright to request a The Boys ship? I'm a bi girl with blue hair, blue eyes, freckles, and im covered in tattoos. I love reading and writing (like so much lol), I bake, swim and listen to all genres of music (and sing along horribly!). I'm in school studying to be an English teacher and I'd love to be a writer on the side. I'm really shy and quiet, I try to be as kind as possible, though I come off sarcastic/use sarcasm as flirting. I try to be as optimistic as possible too. I adore horror movies and carry at least two books with me wherever I go. I could go on forever about my favorites. The beach is my happy place and I hope to move closer to the ocean after I graduate! My favorite colors are blue and yellow and green. I love studying languages and am trying to learn as many as possible (I speak three and im studying two more). I live for poetry tho I am awful as writing it. I'm a Ravenclaw and my intelligence is really important to me :) I love learning so much, I have such a great passion for it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! 💙 Again I hope you feel better soon!!!

Blue heart anon! I totally forgot to mention I would like to be shipped with a guy from The Boys. My apologies! So sorry about that! 💙

Thank you so, so much for the kind words and well wishes! This brought a smile to my face, and you seem like an absolute sweetheart. Also... we have a lot in common, so DM me if you'd ever want to be mutuals (hope that's not weird). I hope you like this and thank you for the request!

I ship you with...

Frenchie ♡

Boyfriend

GIF Source: @vcugifs ★ (link)

You and Frenchie meet in line at the Jitter Bean near the hideout. He strikes a conversation with you because you seem interesting — the guy loves tattoos, both for the artistry and what people usually do to get them, and when he spots a book in your bag, he gets pretty curious.

After you both order your coffee and head over to the pick-up counter (bro's not going to slow down the line), he starts a conversation with you, asking you about the meaning of one of your tattoos.

Through that, you two have a pretty good conversation, where he's able to glean what books you like and dislike. From that, he very smoothly asks if you'd like to go out to a nearby secondhand bookstore around the corner once the weekend swings by.

After that, he gets your number — he typically has a policy of "ask for date first, then number" — and then takes you on a date to the secondhand bookstore. Through that, you learn about each other's tastes, and he falls even harder, especially because of your taste in poetry. He's mostly a Neruda, Mistral, and Huidobro guy, and whether you share the same tastes, he'll love getting to know your style.

He'll sneak-buy you a book (as well as paying for anything you choose, because he's a gentleman), and throughout the talking stage and dates, would surprise you with books you like or have mentioned getting.

Frenchie likes horror, but is pretty limited in his tastes; mostly, he likes the old-school stuff (he's a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock's more suspenseful work, even if it's not up to today's horror standards) so he gets a far more expansive

While the dude would be shell-shocked at first, because even if he's seen his fair share of violence IRL, seeing it on the screen would be a lot (like, people do this for fun?)... he'd start to really, really love it, especially because you're able to explain what makes you passionate about it and any plot points/motifs/etc. he missed.

But... he'd grow to love it. He'd definitely become one of those people who shout "you're an idiot, don't go in there/do that!" in any films you watch (in a French accent, of course).

Absolutely adores your sense of humor, especially because it allows him to banter, and the guy loves banter.

After six or more dates, he'd ask you to be official upfront, likely over a meal cooked by him and a well-worded talk about how much he values you, your kindness, and your intelligence in his life. And, when you say yes?

Expect queen treatment.

He's a very physical person, so he'll always have an arm around you or a hand in yours, as long as you're comfortable with it.

Loves, loves, loves your freckles, calling them "petites constellations" and kissing them, no matter how cheesy it is.

Loves picking up things for you that remind him of you, whether big or small, particularly seashells that they sell at those hippie nature stores (he goes to them to stock up on incense) and, as mentioned, books.

I'll be honest: Frenchie is actually really, really scared of the ocean (I mentioned this in another ship, but it's because the expansiveness freaks him out), but he'd try his best to get over it — or at least reduce it — for you. On special occasions, he'd take you to the NYC beaches, and while... a bit awkward... he'd put on ocean documentaries and the like since you're a very intellectual person.

Is insanely into you learning other languages, and would love to sit by your side when you learn them. Also would 100% encourage you to learn French, even if you only learned a couple phrases.

And, on that note: does not care if you sing songs "badly", the guy thinks it's the cutest, most beautiful thing ever. If there are any

Frenchie doesn't have any tattoos due to not really having the time to get them, and would very curiously ask you about yours. He loves how they look, and based on your advice on the best tattoo shops, would get one as long as you were by his side.

Also mentioned in a lot of ships and also his dating HCs is his complete openness about The Boys. He'd introduce you to them once you became official and bring you around as much as he could, as long as it didn't put you in any danger.

That brings us to...

The Boys ☻

Friends

GIF Source: @homielander ★ (link)

Kimiko loves you (and I was really, really close to shipping y'all until I got the second message). She thinks you are the sweetest person, and, like Frenchie, digs that you know multiple other languages.

She's not that judgmental of a person, IMO, and would teach you as many signs as she could, and wordlessly, kindly adjust anything you did wrong.

Kimiko doesn't have much interest in horror movies, mainly because she's seen enough of it herself, but really, really loves novels, and horror novels in particular. She'd seek out a lot of recommendations in you and recommend you some herself; she's a big fan of Stephen King, particularly Pet Sematary.

And, unlike Frenchie? The woman loves the ocean, and would 100% go there with you as much as she could to have picnics with you.

Butcher loves you (platonically), particularly because of your sense of humor. He really enjoys people who are sarcastic and hardworking — it's how he and M.M. bonded in the first place, even though they have disagreements now that both have started pretty different lives — and loves to banter with you.

And, like Kimiko, will seek recommendations from you (except for movies, not books)... and, when you give them to him, he will turn them off, and wonder what on Earth is going on in your brain.

While the man faces a lot of horrors IRL, they are real, and not... that... so he'd definitely be confused, but would have a lot of respect for you, because... what the fuck. Not a lot of people can make him think that, at least in a "they're a good person, but what did I just get myself into" way, opposed to "they're a bad person, and what did I just get myself into". Butcher likes that. When you're dealing with Homelander, that is refreshing.

He wouldn't ask you to hang out outside when you visit The Boys, but if you ever stayed over while Frenchie was working on a recipe, he'd go out of his way to talk to you.

Annie struggles a lot with writing — she's well-spoken, but not well-worded, if that makes sense — so she'd start talking to you more intentionally once she became in charge of the Starlight Foundation. Of course, she would introduce herself to you upfront, but she's a busy woman, and wouldn't have a lot of time to talk to you one-on-one.

Through that, you two would become close. Both platonically and romantically (purely platonic for you), she has a thing for artsy types, and would think you're the most genuine, sweet person ever. Like Kimiko, she'd make a constant effort to hang out with you, mostly at coffee shops or, during late nights, at the Starlight Foundation, where she'd order takeout on her just to talk.

She really clicks with her sense of humor, particularly because she can sense the vibe of you being a sweet personat heart, and would also be another to banter with you.

(And, on one night where she had a bit too much to drink, even as a Midwesterner, would confide in you her fears about going to college and seek advice. She'd apologize to you the day after, but feel proud that the woman confided something to you that she had't even confided in Hughie).

Hughie would have more free-time with you, and would like you a lot (especially with Annie talking you up, which she does 24/7 — that woman would die for you). Unlike the others, while Hughie would respect your interests, he's terrified of horror (he caught a glimpse of "Alien: Resurrection" when he was young and it really, really scared him, to the point he can't engage in horror-SciFi, or even horror in general) so he wouldn't engage... but he would love to hear your recommendations for books, and would essentially start a "The Boys Book Club" with you.

He's really, really not a reader, but he wants to be, and he'll take your advice like Jesus'.

M.M. would start out pretty reserved, but would open up to you a lot more the more you swung around, mainly because he needs familiarity before he really opens up, but would become a friend after a good month or two.

He wouldn't be as close of a friend as Kimiko or Annie, but he'd be a friend, for sure. He really, really loves your kind nature — it's a refreshing change of pace in "The Boys" Universe — and, as a huge reader, would love to hear your taste in books and any recommendations.

M.M. is also an extremely well-regarded and popular user on Goodreads, so if you have it, he would follow you, promote you, and constantly interact with your posts.

All in all: Frenchie loves you, and so do the rest of The Boys. Keep being you.

[getonite]

hiiii! seen a couple of people do this, plus i realized i don't appreciate my mutuals as much as i should. and since the year is ending (literally today), i thought i'd appreciate y'all for a lil bit.

→ if the tagging irritated you, i apologize 🙏🏾. if i missed you, lmk, i was 100% half asleep while making this! (this is actually so embarrassing ngl. but i luv yall 🫶🏾)

(🎧 : avian) → @sensivs

starting off with my pookie with a beautiful (horny) brain. im dead fucking serious i have zero idea how we became mutuals (🧍🏾‍♂️). i just remembering talking to you one day, and the we were having full conversations in dms lmaoo. an emoji ring, helios, an unborn baby (??), and multiple fic ideas...now we're at the end of the year. i really appreciate you and all of your chaotic energy, it made me laugh! and all of your prompts are immaculate (🤌🏽). i await the days you post more fics or drabbles so i can support you the way you have me! :) luv u pooks, i def wanna ramble u more about hcs!

→ (i sound like im about to die omg)

(🎧 : snail/seraph) → @flimsyichigo

again, zero fucking idea when we became mutuals (i don't remember shit). we don't talk too often but i be seein you likeing my horrendously down bad and chaotic thoughts...i appreciate you bro (🙏🏾). i love your fluffy blue lock sruff, and your overall vibes are (yes, through the screen) amazing! thank you for dealing with my bullshit.

→ (as i type this, i realize just how many mutuals i have jeez, (half of which i barely talk to but still))

(🎧 : ame) → @pastelclovds

ameeeee, number 1 ive always loved your writing (iterally giggling and kicking my feet as i press the like button). your themes r so fucking gorgeous omg. we don't talk as often, but i love when we do interact. i hope we can more (im just easily embarrassed).

→ (i sound like a teenager leaving a love letter in a locker. omggggg)

(🎧 : ace ) → @acefantasyy

another person who puts up with my horrendously down bad bullshit takes. i applaude you for dealing with my ass lmaoo. but, on another note, i smile when i see you in my notes (no, i didn't originally mean that 2 b a joke). i really appreciate the reply you made when i went on a little break, thank you! i hope you continue to deal me, and i hope we interact more!

→ (i really gotta start talkin 2 yall more)

(🎧 : riri) → @pynkkgeto

we're friends irl. i don't have 2 say shit 4 u (luv uuu 🫶🏾)

(🎧 : rome) → @satocidal

yet another person who delt with my nonsense lol. you're quite busy, so you won't see this for a second. but thank you for being awesome and making me laugh with your naobito jokes. thank for the reply you left when i was the one going on break. hope all goes well for you!

(🎧 : idk ur name TvT) → @infrunamie

i feel so bad omg. but i wanted to appreciate your writing for a sec. whether its a drabble, headcanons, a fic, or just 100 words, your brain is miraculous when you write cuz it always leads to me wanted more. seriously, i love it. i was actually shocked you followed me, literally looked up to your writing ong (🙏🏾). i love it when you show up in my notes even if it's just a like. thank you for your reply when i went on break, trust, all of them got me through those shitty ass exams! ty!

→ (im sure this isn't what my therapist meant by being outgoing but im gunna do ts anyway)

(🎧 : spirit) → @spiritfrvr

literally the best vibes on earth i swear. your blog is like a fluffy hug omg. and (imo), you kinda bring that over to other blogs. i'd really like to talk to you more and ramble about random shit! :)

(🎧 : arlan) → @asuyaka

your drabbles r so cuuutee! i love them so much omg. especially the taking care of suguru one! i was surprised you liked my writing sm, and i love yours the same! i really appreciate the little reply under the break post and the christmas tree! seeing notifs of u makes me smile!

(🎧 : qi) → @yaekiss

i don't think we've been mutuals for too long, but omg we reeally should speak more!! i loved your message on the christmas tree! i love the vibe and look of your blog omg. i hope we can interact more!

(🎧 : juno) → @arlertdarling

hi junooo! ty for the message on my christmas tree, and i agree! we really should interact more! you seem like a realllly cool person, plus im on my fucking knees for your writing, dead serious. hope we can talk more, i hope you have a great 2024!

→ (srsly, y tf do i sound like im moving far away or smth TvT)

(🎧 : najma) → @honeybleed

ilysm ong. number one, we cousins (😔✊🏾; im joking pls help), number two, your theme was downright gorgeous (still is), number three, your writing it delicious. i haven't had too much time lately, buuut, i love how you post content that isn't completely smut (as a smut blog that fails at angst lol). its nice to get a break and see fluffy or angsty stuff in the tags instead of the same repeated material. you know you what you like and you stand firm in what you say (i need 2 b more like u fr), and your overall vibes are amazing! i love seeing your anime takes omg. i hope we can interact more in 2024!

→ (that kinda rhymed...and unrelated, but im listening to the mean girls soundtrack or 4 hours of sleep writing this)

(🎧 : yoru) → @dilfverz

number one, thank you for the messege on my christmas tree. number two, your so cool (😭). i love your themes and your writing, how you interact with ppl and anons is funny lol. literally look up to your writing ngl. i super appreciate your for explaining genshin impact to me, cuz im definitely not playing that damn game lol. your reblogs and likes in my notes make me wanna cry ngl. thank you for being so cool! (🙏🏾)

→ (am i over using emojis? i am so tired omg)

(🎧 : sy) → @wrizzesley

we just became mutuals like a week ago lmaoo. but i love your writing so much. and your themes?!?! (:O). i know damn well that shit is time consuming and exhausting, i applaud you, i could never lol. but anyway, i hope we can interact more in this new year. i think your really cool!

(🎧 : astro? idk im so sorry) → @astroknottt

i love your writing holy fuck. but other than that, i love it when you reblog my stuff! esp with those little comments, they've given me a bunch of motivation. and seeing you write such toe curling shit, that gives me motivation too! hope we can interact some more in the new year!

→ (pls ignore my silent pleas for help in these notes, but my vision is wonky. i promise im going to sleep in a second)

(🎧 : ) → @naee0

your probably locked out of tumblr again lol. but if you see this, thank you for your chaotic energy! and even if it was one sentence, what you sent on thr break post, i really appreciate it! even if you or me aren't on tumblr much, i hope we can interact a bit more! you're pretty cool! and i loved those drabbles. i hope your doing great!

PRODUCER MESSEGE: "i think that was all. again, if i missed you, please lmk. i might have been blind (my eyes prolly look like that squidward meme). but i appreciate all of you! thank you, and pls dont hate me 🙏🏾"

[callmearcturus]

Mission Impossible: a Crazed Ramble by tentacledwizard

Re my mission impossible ask: gonna share my thoughts bc I just finished watching the series (sans 2 and 3) and boy do I have Thoughts. I think I’ll cover the ones I’m most interested in (Ghost Protocol, Rogue Nation, and Fallout) though I might ramble at u about 1 and 7 later lmao. So okay here we go

Ghost Protocol. I REALLY liked this one. This is 2nd on my ranking of MI movies.

This movie has the best team vibes. Might be my favorite iteration of The Team, even if Luther isn’t really there. I just got really emotionally attached to these guys and their interactions lmao..

I liked Brandt. Jeremy Renner didn’t have to do some heavy-duty acting for this role, and he didn’t. His role was to be small and cute and tormented, and it worked. So well that I mumbled “where is my wife” when I watched Fallout, and my brother looked at me strangely. 

Jane Carter holy moly. Dude you were NOT kidding about Jane Carter. I love her so much. I love how she’s not even slightly the love interest, how her and Ethan’s interactions have this respect and camaraderie, and even when they kiss it’s not romantic. It’s great. Loved how she got the dudely “gotta avenge my dead wife” backstory with her boyfriend getting killed, and how that propels her most ruthless actions. I guess I’m pretty much agreeing with everything you’ve said about Jane lmao. SHE’S GREAT. Also loved it when she fought Léa Seydoux, it was pretty cathartic. Let female characters be driven and reckless and (eyes Rose Lalonde pfp) yeah

Benji Dunn the man that you are. Okay I’d say that Benji is at his best in the next movie, but this is a damn good introduction. He’s newly promoted, a little bit out of his depth, and I’m a sucker for funny nerdy sidekicks okay. Gonna talk about him some more when I get to Rogue Nation probably.

Ethan Hunt has the best haircut in this film. Idk man that’s my Ethan Hunt commentary. Oh wait it was also funny when he wore the mustache

I GOT ALL FLUSTERED WHEN LÉA SEYDOUX WAS ON SCREEN. I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS. HOW PECULIAR

Didn’t watch 2 and 3, so the brief glimpse of Julia was very intriguing and bittersweet. Then of course in Fallout she Julias all over the place!

OKAY NOW I CAN TALK ABOUT THE BURJ KHALIFA

I’ve actually seen the Burj Khalifa irl and it is SO TALL (I know, very surprising) so I cannot wrap my head around the fact that this scene was shot on location (??) I need to look into that more.

I am a dork and I do not know much about how stunts and action scenes are calibrated, hence the sheer delight I derived from the way the camera moves in the Burj Khalifa scenes. Also my hands got really sweaty during the first half. (The “blue is glue, red is dead” part reminded me of “hasta lasagna don’t get any on ya” IDK MAN)

I spent the wall-climbing section gazing at the TV rapturously and occasionally mumbling “uh oh,” “Ethan Hunt: Human Gecko” or “the climberrrr” alternately. I literally was not hearing myself because I was watching so intently. My breath was BATED lmao.

And like I’d seen the gif sets, I knew he was gonna jump but I didn’t know when. So when Ethan does jump, it’s so sudden that you can’t help but go :O !! And it works. Anddd that’s my favorite stunt in the film (i am an easily impressed nerd with no technical knowledge but i AM dying on this hill. The Burj jump would impress ANYONE and for good reason)

I am replaying this scene in my head over and over. It’s just. It’s so good. My reaction to it reminded me of when I watched [S] Descend and it just Worked and I was amazed. To say nothing of Cascade lmao. Actually yeah this kind of is Cascade in a sense

I'm sure none of this commentary  is really original, but I really love it when Tom Cruise does a big jump heh. I am a simple man

So yeah this film is easily my 2nd favorite. It’s character-driven, there’s comedy elements, the way the team interacts and collides and argues with each other is wonderful. And I believe in Jane Carter supremacy.  

Oh yeah, Bogdan was funny too. So many good + funny moments here :D

Wait how could I forget the best character (the Russian man who has an enemies-to-friends arc with Ethan)? Love that guy.

OKAY this is too long so Im gonna separate this into 2 parts.

they sent three asks and then I responded, we're gonna use a cut here, LONG POST!!!!!

@tentacledwizard PART 2.

Rogue Nation. This one’s my favorite! I like how it begins not with Ethan but with the Team, because their interactions are good. And of course Ethan’s trying to jump on a plane. Just another Saturday.

I am not very good at talking about plot so let’s talk about Benji Dunn

ok wait first I gotta say that I like how they played with the usual IMF message. The “we ARE the syndicate” got me. Really good moment, and I bet if I rewatched it I’d catch all the little details that made me suspicious of whoever was talking. 

Anyway Benji Dunn.. the man that you are…

Like I said, Benji is at his best in this movie. There’s so many little moments that cement his greatness. He’s gaming on company time! He lies about not being Ethan’s friend on a daily basis :( also the sincere dorky smile he does on his way to the opera is so wonderful. 

I really like how sincere Benji is. He’s genuinely looking forward to the opera, and he’s eager to wear a mask someday, and he cares about Ethan so much. Yeah he’s a funny little British man but he’s also v sweet and you can see why Ethan goes crazy and kidnaps the prime minister to get him back. 

speaking of, I really think that Benji and Ethan’s relationship is… if not the core of the movie, it’s definitely a major part of that core. Does that make sense? Like, I tried to take a picture of the screen every time Ethan and Benji glanced at each other knowingly, and I ended up with a lot of pictures. Even with the 6-month separation (Ethan with a beard is something I never thought I’d see), they know each other. Ethan knows Benji wants to see the opera, and Benji will yell at Ethan when Ethan needs to be yelled at. Ethan compliments Benji’s tuxedo (as he should).

Also ffffuck whenever these guys worry about each other… like when Benji tells Ethan he’s probably going to take it too far one of these days.. Man. The scene where Ethan washes out of the giant torus with Ilsa and Benji goes to talk to him is so good.

oh and yeah Ethan did kidnap the prime minister. For benji. HE DID THAT!!!

Also the scene where Benji is forced to speak for Solomon was honestly incredible, it was like Ethan and Benji were having their own separate conversation with eye contact. When Ethan briefly put his hand on Benji’s shoulder, maybe to reassure him without having to talk, and Benji glances up at him… that’s good stuff right there. When Benji was finally able to talk it was cathartic. God I love these two

Plus the opera fight scene is so fun oh my god.

ok let’s talk about my queen Ilsa Faust

Ilsa Faust is great, and I really like how this series does female characters. Because she has her own shit going on, there’s a bit of romance between her and Ethan but they’re both agents with missions, and she’s never sexualized. I love that. Her signature move is filmed the way a male character would be filmed if he were fighting. That’s awesome.

I really loved Rebecca Ferguson’s performance here, the conflict between saving others and saving herself was neat. It’s also interesting how she has way less reservations about killing people, which plays off Ethan’s… everything. And she never makes it easy for Ethan, which I’d honestly do too if I was involved in the shit she has to deal with. 

But of course there are moments that show she does care about him (asking him to run away, the scene where she saves him in the underwater whirly spinner). The hug was pretty sweet.

Also, Ilsa is when I started really paying attention to the outfits in MI, because all of her looks were great. The yellow dress is iconic, and I REALLY liked the pleated coat she wears when talking to Solomon Lane. Plus the suit she wears in Fallout is Good.

Solomon Lane is a good villain. Jim is the MI villain I think of when I think of MI villains, but Solomon is very distinctive. I mean that voice, man. The VOICE. Lmao. He kind of reminded me of a parasitic worm made human, which is a 100% good thing.

So who has the more distinctive and weird voice? Solomon or Claire? That is the question. (I think it’s Claire tbh. Four am, four in the morning, four o clock)

So this is my favorite MI film. It’s fun, it has a good villain. We see Ethan’s personality start to shine through, too- he’s emotionally driven, as evidenced by when he fucking DOES ALL THAT TO SAVE BENJI GOD I LOVE THESE TWO. So yeah, this is the Ethan and Benji movie to me. It’s also a stellar debut for Ilsa Faust… wait what do you mean she gets fridged in the 7th movie. What do you mean

OH Jeremy Renner is still here! And more Luther! Hell yeah.

really want to rewatch this one so I can take more notes on the stunts and stuff, too

Ok time to make a part 3 because this is ridiculously long

PART 3

Fallout. Oh man. This one messed me up. 

So from the start, Fallout is a darker, queasier watch than the previous two. The more I watched, the more I realized that this movie Is Ethan Hunt’s Nightmare.

Like there’s the straightforward nightmare at the beginning, and then the film just Doesn’t Stop. It keeps messing with our minds again and again. 

This is the Ethan Hunt movie. This is our deep dive into Ethan Hunt’s mind, and at some points it kind of feels like a test of how well we know him- because he wouldn’t kill all those people, so this must be another nightmare, right? 

I am used to vivid nightmares, and this film perfectly captures the sheer horror of having one. And I was constantly doubting my own perception, bouncing between bad dream and reality along with Ethan. Man.

Like Mission Impossible has always kind of had that element, what with the masks and everything, but this film dials it up to eleven. I recognized the horror of Ethan’s situation here, and it was a feeling that stayed with me the entire time.

I mean at some points, it gets surreal. The line about Ethan literally being his own worst enemy (it’s true!), his wife showing up in little glimpses until she finally appears, Lane pinpointing Ethan’s fears, etc. When Ethan looks around at the church and says he’s terribly sorry, it’s such a small moment but it’s still kind of a gut punch. Ethan Hunt is trapped in his brain and so are we.

Even the title sequence shows everything burning around Ethan. The full theme song sounds like it’s going to end, but then it keeps going. This movie feels way more apocalyptic than any of the others.

Even Max is dead. I mean come on.

And we see how this screws up Ethan’s judgment, how his priorities are a little fucked in the grand scheme of things. He puts a few people over millions, for better or for worse.

Ethan Hunt running is an iconic part of the franchise, but what happens when all the messed-up stuff he went through catches up with him? What about the fallout?

So when the ending rolls around, it feels like Ethan is waking up, and that lends it a certain catharsis. But the uneasiness of most of the movie still stuck with me for a long time afterward.

Okay let’s talk about the new characters.

Alanna was neat, and I liked her outfits too. Though every time she flirted with Ethan, I had this vivid mental image of Ethan driving up and yelling “I fucked your mom, shit lips!” Probably something he’d say to Zola instead though.

Walker was such an asshole and that was kind of great actually. Not a single redeeming quality to be found. Have fun falling off that cliff, johnny boy.

Oh yeah and he got to say the only “fuck” in the entire series I believe. (It should have been Ethan. Well I can always hope.)

That conversation Ethan and Benji have about how Ethan won’t let anything happen to him, but then later Ethan does something that seems to put Benji in danger (making him be Solomon Lane)? Chef’s kiss. Also Benji FINALLY got to wear the mask, and he’s damn good at it.

More of Ilsa and Ethan’s relationship and man is it complicated haha. I like the scene where they’re walking through a symmetrical landscape, just paralleling each other, until finally they’re face to face. That’s good stuff right there. Also the scene where he’s in the hospital bed was sweet.

My wife [Brandt] is not here but luckily we get a lot of Luther. Luther is the constant in this series- he’s stuck with Ethan from the beginning, for better or for worse. (Better, because he’s a good character). So Luther really cares about Ethan, evidenced by his conversation with Ilsa. He probably knows Ethan better than anyone, except maybe Julia but then again she and Ethan have been apart for a while. 

Julia was great. The scenes with her and Ethan were v bittersweet. They still care about each other (just look at Ethan’s constant guilt over not protecting her), but she’s living her own life now. The conversation they had near the end was the culmination of all this, the moment we were waiting for. Plus I enjoyed her friendship with Luther, like I enjoyed Ilsa and Benji’s friendship. The scene where they’re cutting the wires/talking about Ethan was cute.

as for the stunts, hmm… I didn't really get the level of physicality I got from, say, MI1 or Ghost Protocol. Idk man maybe I’m just biased against helicopters?

ALSO I really like Face/Off and Hit Man so the John Lark thing was p cool to me. Ofc John was the asshole CIA agent though.

Anyway good movie, might take some time before I can rewatch it but it’s a masterful delve into Ethan Hunt’s mind. Not my favorite but also really really good and I wrote the most about it.

Conclusion. Wow that’s a lot of thoughts. Probably too many to put in one ask. Uh I kind of also want to talk about MI1 and Dead Reckoning as an echo of MI1 but this was a lot so idk if you’d want me to do that lmao. Anyway I have to thank you for convincing me to watch Mission Impossible all those months ago, because it is one of my obsessions now. (If you read all this I am sorry lmao, hope it wasn’t boring tho) 

And now I can finally read your Benthan fic! 8D hell yeah.

okay now it is my turn to reply

I frankly adore Brandt. I've joked to Brandt that I don't really ship Benthan, I just use it as a vehicle to write William Brandt and have him tell jokes. I adore his angry little bureaucratic ass. I am actually a fan of Renner when the material gives him actual shit he can do. Like, he was fucking WASTED in the MCU and the "Hawkeye" miniseries proves he could have been having fun this entire fucking time but they never GAVE him anything. And even if his role in MI is simple, McQuarrie is so damn good at writing characters that Brandt feels vibrant. In GP he goes from sad sweater boy to lowkey the weakest link of the team but everyone is there to help him. And in RN there's a THOUSAND lil moments I love with him. I always point to Benji's interrogation scene, there's a VERY VERY PRECISE bit of editing where Benji is going off on a tirade about how the CIA sucks, and the camera lingers on Brandt LITERALLY JUST LONG ENOUGH for Renner's mouth to make this tiny microexpression, like TWO FRAMES of Brandt indulging in admiring Benji's lie-craft.

Also the argument in the bigass car with Luther was Renner improvising according to McQ. Love it. Brandt's my angry little pencil-pushing angel. Any time he shows up in the PT AU, I'm 😍😍😍

GP lives and dies on the team dynamic tbh, which I find hilarious bc imo MI3 was pronounced dead on arrival bc the team dynamic is non-existent and like, why am I even here???? the chemistry is truly batshit.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE ALL THE TRULY MIND-BOGGLING FACTS BEHIND THE BURJ CLIMB AND HOW TERRIFYINGLY PRACTICAL IT WAS check out this post

Also Ethan's gorgeous LEAP at the end of the sequence is my second-fave Physicality Moment in that movie. The first is of course Ethan's silent vault over the railing after he leaves his prison cell. I'm a slut.

and I bet if I rewatched it I’d catch all the little details that made me suspicious of whoever was talking.

oh you want a fun one? in the record shop, there are two listening booths. ethan goes into the one on the left.

Solomon Lane is sitting in the one on the right.

re: Benji in Rogue Nation, I mean McQuarrie himself has said Simon Pegg as Benji Dunn is the beating heart and soul of the Mission franchise. so don't worry, we ALL stan.

ILSA FUCKING FAUST. /fans face. Yeah, the way MI handles women is like… I don't know how to go back to, like, James Bond films. I keep remembering Skyfall (which I remember as a good movie) and how one of the ~bond girls~ is casually executed and the whole point is how unfazed everyone is, how DISPOSABLE she is, how James Bond as a franchise wants backpats for pointing out "man it sure sucks how disposable women are in these spy flicks huh"

smash cut to Ghost Protocol, Rogue Nation, Fallout, and ESPECIALLY Dead Reckoning.

I keep saying this but MI manages to pull off the Metal Gear thing in that the Male Gaze of the camera is thoroughly bisexual. Long before we see Ilsa's amazing leg shot at the opera, we get a long lingering shot of Ethan's tiddies, and the way he's held captive is very female-coded, the position, the way he tries to wile his way out of it, the barefoot thing, all of it. There's such intense intentionality with how MI frames bodies.

Hell, I've been flicking between MI and the X-Men AU movies and comparing Ilsa to Mystique is super interesting because both of them fight with their legs-first. But the choreography of Mystique always has this "heh heh heh naked legg" feeling, while with Ilsa, her fighting style is so consistent, it feels like a natural result of her build and how she utilizes momentum. I remember there's a fast moment in Fallout where she very casually assists Ethan by taking out a guard as he extracts Alanna, and she does her leg flip thing. It feels Correct for her, rather than the MCU "make sure you fight pretty" bullshit.

Anyway I love Ilsa but Benji is actually the Love Interest in RN and we all know it.

"wait what do you mean she gets fridged in the 7th movie" SHE DOES NOT GET FRIDGED i am gonna die on this fucking hill, that Ilsa's death was good and actually meant something

Anyway I cosign all your thoughts on Fallout. I think it's the best movie and frankly I think it's a cinematic masterpiece. The claustrophobia of it, the nightmare of being Ethan Hunt, the repeated use of dreamlike imagery to convey that we're falling further into that nightmare with him, AND THE ENDING. I find the ending so bittersweet because yes, Ethan and the team pull it off, they push at the edges of possibility and reason until the universe yields and gives them the win

but then Julia says "I know you'll always be there" and its like watching a door slam in Ethan's face. He's always going to be in this dream/nightmare, a world that exists one layer removed from reality, and he can't get out. It's amazing. I want to kiss McQ on the mouth.

That Ilsa-Ethan scene was not in the original script and TC suggested it day-of and they just did it and its one of the most beautiful shots of the movie, with the green trees melding with the slight green tones of Ilsa's outfit and with Ethan's eyes. The fact they have an entire conversation between Ethan and Ilsa's eyebrows. I love them.

[dream-this-nightmare-over]

Joe Cole imagine

This one is for @shelundeadxxxx (i see you bestie), and @fckyeahjoecole (wake up bestie wherever you are, its been 5 years since we heard from you yet your posts are curing my new obsession), and @moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown cause you are hoe for this man just like me.

You can find more of my imagines in my book Imagines on wattpad.

Hope you enjoy as much as I enjoyed getting lost in this daydream and eventually sitting down to write it.

Text came on 21st of July out of nowhere when y/n already thought it will be another cold summer.

'You me 9pm screening'

Joe never forgot his friend and deal they made on one of Ed's dinner parties or was it on some other occasion they gravitated almost always toward each other naturally pulled through people who's attention never brought peace like that of a friend in mischief. They would find each other and leave the crowd or stick to each other making rounds settling in corner with champagne and micro cupcakes making up what they taste like cause trends all seem to be tasteless left to one's interpretation, making fun of pumpered faces who only knew to call them out for being themselves.

They were going to see Oppenheimer together, on opening day. It was pinky promise sealed with smiles that even from shadows put candlelight to shame.

They meet outside, under glow of newly installed Barbenheimer titles at entrance, when heat died down a bit, and dusk rushed to its paintbrushes coloring hastily sky in purples and blues, overneeded relief in scenery. 'Hey you!' Joe excitedly greets coming toward y/n. As she was watching him come closer, mental image appeared and it grew bigger until he was in his full John attire walking John walk spreading his arms sassy and coy, feisty edges softened to gentleness and consideration irl. Perhaps this is why its so easy to fall for actors: they can be anybody they can play into any role we think of in our heads, its easy to imagine them following another script, no one knows who they really are, a mold for imaginative minds, perhaps even they don't recognize the reflection without all the makeup and pretence, it's easier to look at world through anyone's eyes but your own. They share their significant handshake, he doesn't part but pulls her in quick hug and they fall in easy chatter of laughs and jokes. It was hard to believe y/n will see any of the movie cause his eyes held her whole world and attention and thoughts captive. No imagination could compete with real thing. Drown me in you, for i am sinner.

In one incredibly brave moment during movie, Joe looked over at his friend, in darkness he can let go of his shyness social restraints loose it's okay to give air to your feelings and appreciate the moment indulge in secret admiration he will mask with smile when caught; from blue shadows playing on her face thought arose flickered into wonder what would cillian think of them together, if maybe he had it already figured out, he wondered if it's possible to love without flexing about it, if anything can survive without going through ordeal of condemnation, and he was pained to conclude this friendship is too sacred for world to touch it with their critical prejudicial opinions. But then she smiled at him quizzically and he knew he thinks too much. Love finds a way. It curves like river changes environment reshapes the world until it finds its freedom.

Neither wished for night to end. It was too late to chase one masterpiece with another, so they decided to meet tomorrow at same time to see Barbie.

They walked from cinema aimlessly wandering through town, hoping they never run out of pathways that lead to merging point from where no goodbye needs to be said again.

He held her hand never letting go laughing as she laughed at stars, pulled her back and spun her around in the middle of street under street lamp, slow danced night away, until sudden rain sent them running opera reaching its crescendo. They stood under his jacket he kept overhead covered stage them main characters , everything is funny if company is non judgemental, pitter-patter matching musical of hearts clock ticking midnight, y/n was lost in haze from when he put his arm around her in the dark and kept it there through breaks and credits as she showed him reaction memes that were already pouring Internet and they compared their experience with 'same. Omg so true. He killed it. Omg yes that part was something else'

She stayed the night, on his couch. He left the door open so they never feel too far away, he didn't want to keep walls when around her, he was tired of feeling forced separation from what he wants, forced pretence forced silencing of hapiness found.

On brink of slipping away, he realised he didn't kiss her. There will come time for that. Right words aren't born yet. But it's all in the making.

They went to show love for their friend Cillian but it was all masterly planned and excuted excuse to show love for each other.

In the morning, they checked the earliest showtime for barbie and went cause they were too excited to wait and there was no real reason to, since yesterday turned into tomorrow, friends turned to I never want you to go, time was theirs to make or break but they were way ahead of doubt it can't catch them now. Joe only smirked when y/n pulled bright shade of pink lipstick form her bag and offered it to him with innocent mischief written in her eye, he smirked cause her knew he will love her for the rest of the time they have together. He wouldnt check even if he had chance. Destiny can't be manipulated, so what's the point of knowing the outcome, you can't enjoy the ride if you only worry about the the end. End comes whether we try to fight the current or go with the flow. So why not relax and enjoy?

It was y/n's couch from then on.

[kittykittyanon]

if we were irl friends:

Imagine us laying on your bed during a sleepover, it's late and night and we're snuggled together (i love physical affection) and if you're cool with it I would be lile twirling one of your curls with my fingers.

Suddenly I would say the most depressing shit like, "Sometimes I wonder if everyone in the world hates me but then I remember you, and realize that if everybody in the world hates me at least I have you."

Of course you would probably stare at me like 😧 "what the fuck Amor"

And then a few seconds later I would say the most inappropriate shit like the mood swinging teen I wm ,"The things I would let Leo do to me 😏😏" (which would be a joke btw)

woahzaz,, that was fast!! /pos!! and—

—OMIGOSH OMIGOSH OMIGOSH YESSSSSSSS. GAHHH!!! I LOVE THIS SM AMI!!! i was actually gonna add a bit related to this (deep talks, i mean) to the hcs but i didn't know if you were cool with it so i ended up scrapping it,, but now that i have confirmation i am ready to go WILD. (LETS GOOO MUTUAL LOVE OF PHYSICAL AFFECTION RAHHHHH) (other hcs here)

and i love those types of suggestive jokes,, they're so fun — especially when it's with someone who can match it LMAO

song for this: Thérèse by Maya Hawke!! and the other hcs gave me Warsh_Tippy and Zelda by Whatever, Dad vibes but i forgot to put it at the end of them (*ﾉ∀`*),,,, tags: @ziipzeepzop-eez cause you wanted to see it (*/▽＼*) !!

imagine under the cut!!

we'd tuck into eachother, comfortably tangled in a nest of limbs; my head would lay on your chest, mindlessly scrolling though my phone on one hand, the other resting by your side. your hand in my hair, the atmosphere cozy and the lights off, room only lit up by the faint blue light emitting from my phone, it was a comfortable end to the day filled with excitement. your chest would rise and fall with each breath and i'd hear you sigh, the first sound you made in a while. perhaps you were thinking.

"sometimes i wonder if everyone in the world hates me, but then i remember you, and realize if everybody in the world hates me atleast i have you."

the room falls silent again. what? where did that come from? my thumb pauses mid-scroll, hovering in the air above my screen. my hand is still. yours is not.

despite the absolute bombshell of a sentence you dropped on me, my curls are still twisted and twirled between your fingers, undisturbed in their pursuit.

i don't know what to say.

"... there's no way everyone in the world hates you. you're not hate-able, amor." i'd murmur, a dry attempt at making you laugh. i don't think it worked.

"you're loved. and not just by me. anyone who says otherwise is factually incorrect and i will, uhm... commit... some sort of crime to stop 'em." that one pulls a slight amused huff out of you, and relief pools in, atleast i managed to get you to smile, "but... i'm glad you know i love you."

there's a pause, an intermission; your hand would rest in my hair and we'd be unmoving, still, content to sit in each other's company. a comfortable silence.

...

"the things i would let leo do to me..." you'd snrrk, and i'd hold back my giggles, but let a few slip through anyway.

"you when leonardo," i'd turn my phone to face you, showcasing a silly meme that made me think of you, and in moments we'd burst into laughter, filling the quiet of the room with a lighthearted atmosphere once again.

"anyways DONNIE WANTS ME FRFR 😍😍😍🤩🤩🤩🤪🤪🤪🤪💥💥💥—"

taa-daaa!! that's it for this imagine :PPP eueuegdgejdgh it's my first time writing where it's with a hypothetical scenario and i'd have to use "would" so my apologies if there was an overuse of the thingy "'d" !! if you have any criticisms or things you noticed that i have to improve on,, pretty please share!! i wanna improve (ノ*°▽°*) !! ((and about the donnie thing,, that was a joke too LMFKAKAO))

for extra hcs related to this,,

we'd definitely have deep talks at the randomest of times. like we could be eating snacks while watching a show or a movie and the conversation (originally discussing said piece of media) would swerve into our beliefs and ideologies and we'd dig into our childhoods and how it affected us and our behaviors and just as quick as the topic derails it goes right back to being silly again

feels like the kinda friendship you can share anything in. like one of us could share a piece of jaw-dropping, tear inducing, heart breaking trauma or one of the most embarrassing things we had ever done and there would be zero judgement.

where if you're comfortable, then i'm comfortable, and we do whatever we want together without fear of weirding the other out.

"kitty, what's the meaning of life? why are we here? what's our purpose?" "i dunno. but i pet my cat, ate a sandwich, and i hung out with you. i think that's enough meaning for today." "oh." a moment of silence. "... wanna play just dance?—" "is that even a question—"

we wouldn't even be able to finish a song 'cause we'd laugh so hard we'd end up on the floor.

[mindisinmars]

WAS ALLXABOUTXMARIE

WELCOME TO MY BLOG !!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i probably should have done one of these ages ago but oh well

im marie, but i go by various names online. Mars or Mari also works, but you can literally call me anything and ill probably respond

im not the most tumblr knowledgeable, ive had an account since 2020 but i didnt start using it until recently.

this started out as an aesthetic account but it really just trailed off after a while and i post wtv

i dont really stick to one thing or fandom, but i do get really into things for day or weeks at a time (most significantly as im writing this, Zero Day)

i usually just complain or ramble on here, so sorry about that. the 'shut up mars!' tag is reserved for rants/personal biz that i should really shut up about, the 'tumblrboxd' tag is for random movie comments

i have a bad habit of typing like this: "y r u w8ing b4 school 2 do smthn?" i am TRYING to get rid of it

my dms and asks and what not are always open! i am very socially awkward though so i sincerely apologise for that, but ill try my best i promise ❤

INTERESTS THAT ILL ALWAYS BE DOWN TO TALK ABOUT:

Sky High, Perks of Being a Wallflower, 9-1-1, T@GGED, The Smiths, Third Eye Blind, Red White and Royal Blue, DONNIE DARKO, Dead Boy Detectives, Shelter, Paper Girls, My Babysitters a Vampire, RIVER PHOENIX, Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, Scott Pilgrim, Enola Holmes, Marauders, David Bowie, ANYTHING by David Levithan i love him sm, Zero Day, Words on Bathroom Walls, My Bestfriend is a Vampire, Dead Poets Society, Narnia, As You Are, I Saw The TV Glow, Speak, SCREAM 1-6, Theres Someone Inside Your House, Bestfriends Whenever!!!!!!, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, We Can Be Heroes, Fanfik, Flipped, The Adam Project, Everything Everything, CHARLIE PLUMMER, Ladybugs (1992), The Outsiders, Call me by Your Name, The Invisible Thread, Sing Street, Lego Batman, Kill Your Darlings, Luca, Erin and Aaron, School Spirits, Christmas Chronicles, Fantastic Mr Fox, The Breakfast Club, Stand By Me, IT, Inside, Whats Eating Gilbert Grape, CHRONICLE, Unfriended, Unfriended: Dark Web, Wham!, When a Stranger Calls (2006), 10 Things I Hate About You, JUNO, Jennifers Body, Mid 90s, Easy A, But I'm a Cheerleader, Heathers, Hamilton, Happy Death Day, The Half of It, Paper Towns, Looking for Alaska, Life as We Know It, Doctor Who!!!, Eyewitness, 500 Days of Summer, 1987, Before Sunrise, The Virgin Suicides, Spree, Me Earl and the Dying Girl, Spontaneous, Warm Bodies, The Duff, The Map of Tiny Perfect Things, Countdown, TIME LOOPS, Tyler Young, Invisible Sister, Secret Headquarters, CW Arrowverse, Grant Gustin, When Harry Met Sally, Danielle Panabaker, Hallmark Movies, Michael Cera, DEAR EVAN HANSEN, Be More Chill, Hamilton, Mean Girls, Tick Tick Boom, Andrew Barth Feldman, Sam Tutty, Four Evans sing For Forever, Everyday, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, Papas Wingeria, Skins UK, Brooklyn 99, Pretty Little Liars, Supernatural, Alice Oseman, Julie and the Phantoms, The Hollow, Barbie Life in the Dream House

^feel free to put things about these movies/shows/artists/books in my asks!! i know theres alot but im always down to talk about any of em!

i also do my own writing and im working on translating one of them into a screen play!! so if im rambling on about ilyb or tpb and you have no idea what it means, thats why!

(@dietcokeluvr6969, @pig-mania, @woodsboromassacre, )and a secret fourth one i wont name incase irls find this) are all me!)

i feel a little silly writing this, but yeah! thats that on top of that!

[misscammiedawn]

Penlight Spoiler Reviews (Sayori Part 2)

Download Penlight (Pay what you like) from Itch.io here

Past reviews: Quick Review - Nozomi Routes - Sayori (Part 1)

Turq's reviews: Hiroko Robot - Hiroko Tickling - Nozomi Zombie

-

So... last time we met with Sayori and turned her into a Doll.

This time we're going to discuss the impact of Personality Play on a person and outright give Sayori dissociative identity disorder. As a person diagnosed with DID and a victim of personality play abuse I have a lot to talk about on this topic. I hope you don't mind me being a little over-indulgent.

CW: The Alter route will discuss topics of IRL hypnotic abuse and the long-term effects of personality play on a person's psyche as well as perspectives of how DID presents in my personal experience. I put the reality segments in italics to help people skip over them.

ALTER ROUTE:

Note that the name I refer to the Alter by in this review is the name I gave her. It is not even remotely canon. Aiko, Megumi and Yuri are the default names given by the game. Please do not take the naming convention I used to reflect DeMille's authorial intent. I use it mostly to match the screenshots and give some more pump to a narrative twist.

The first half of the review contains some seeds of discussion topics that I want to grow out so I highly recommend reading that one.

This route is my biggest hypnotic trauma being played out in visual novel format. I'll sprinkle my thoughts on the reality within the fiction. I'll put the reality pieces in italics if you want to skip them.

So if the Doll Route is based on the concept of boundaries and respecting someone's comfort then the Alter route answers the age old question of "What if your hypnotist were hit by a bus" that is to say, what are the impacts of going about your life with dangerous and permanent programming still in your head?

I suppose another theme would be one I vibe with intently. "Be careful who you entrust your mind with"

Sayori asked "what's the worst that could happen?" at the start of his hypnosis scene. Sayori, always so careful to think about things before committing takes her time with the doll suggestion. What if she didn't advocate for herself and set up firm barriers?

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Alter Route is a winding map of many paths and much of it is still yet to be written. The route begins with Sayori being asked to adopt a carefree persona who hates to study (and has a crush on Kyou). He also specifies that this persona will have no idea that Sayori even exists.

You, the player, are given a prompt to provide her a name.

I called her Sapphire. First playthrough and so shall again for this review. I picked that name with intent. I'm still not 100% sure it was a good idea, but I did.

Is it because of the alliteration? The blue hair? My referring to my hypnotic eyes as having a "sapphire flame"?

I said that this route was my biggest hypnotic trauma being played out on the screen?

In 2003 a dumb 19 year old met a man online named AW. AW saw that teenager's mind was fertile ground for character play. He planted a couple of alters in that kids head but none were as beloved nor as important as his little recruitment doll. His "slave" (oh how I have grown to hate that word) who he trained to bring him pretty girls...

The name I feel comfortable with in this current era of my life is Dawn. I prefer people call me Dawn when I am in this headspace, though I don't mind being called Camden and can tolerate being called Cammie when it is said by someone affectionate of us as an individual. But I am fractured. Diagnosed with DID in 2023. I type about it every now and again.

He called me Sapphire.

It was the name of a roleplay character... I even have Sue-Chan art commissioned of her. I have another piece at my bedside desk and have had it much of my adult life.

I have done a lot of thinking on if my DID is a result of this extensive play or if my DID simply made my mind more susceptible to it. The question is moot for the most part but I have found comfort in believing that there were elements of our heart which we were unaware of at a young age...

And AW reached in and found those elements within us. He found the part of us that was unburdened by sexual or gender repression and was able to personify our hypnosis obsession in a way we simply could not otherwise. He saw it. He identified it. Named it... Then dared to claim ownership of it.

In the game, Sayori takes to the suggestion swimmingly. She embodies the traits of this alter personality. She becames [Sapphire]. Giggling and acting shy around her beloved Kyou, she demands a tour of the house and Kyou becomes increasingly concerned that this act is going a little too far and you are given your first option.

For simplicity's sake I'll divide the path into 3 distinct branches (I made up the names for clarity as they do not have names on the official route tree):

Golden Ending - In which Sayori is woken up in Kyou's room and is so freaked out by the lack of memories between going into trance and waking up that much like Doll Route she refuses to let Kyou hypnotize her until she feels confident of the safety. In this route [Sapphire] does not come out ever again.

Day Lost - In which Kyou does not wake Sayori up and lets [Sapphire] go home and spend a night at home and isn't woken up until the next day at school. In this route Sayori's trust is broken enough that she seeks Nozomi's help, not Kyou's in saving her from this situation.

Week Lost - In which Kyou does not wake Sayori up and instead he decides outright to program [Sapphire] to be the dominant persona and avoid detection from the outside world.

For the Golden Ending there are a number of prompts during Sapphire's (let's drop the bracket gimmick and just call her that, it's better than saying Alter Sayori over and over) brief stint where you are given the option of bringing Sayori back and after she is justifiably upset about waking up mid-conversation in a different room you are given an option to summon Sapphire again.

I like that the chaotic nature of the initial encounter allows a number of options to go between what essentially are the options of "let Sayori exit Kyou's room" or "let Sapphire exit Kyou's room", especially as Kyou himself is making a decent number of assumptions about Sayori and her willingness to go along with the suggestion.

Kyou is a very big believer in the idea that a person's willingness to obey a suggestion is equivalent to a person's consent to the suggestion. This is because Kyou is a dumb kid and he is playing with fire.

If he does not try to force Sayori to calm down by imposing the carefree persona upon her she will accuse Kyou of projecting his infatuation of Nozomi onto her and become frustrated that he would dare override her core traits with such dangerous programming.

She notes that hypnosis shouldn't make her act the way she clearly was acting and admits this requires further study after cram school. She insists Kyou dedicate himself to further study on the topic too.

His study, which to his credit he does commit to, comes up empty. He believes Sayori is in denial that part of her yearns to be carefree and act as Sapphire had.

Sayori does her own research and...

Sayori is best girl.

She admits herself foolish for going along with it but is committed to the science of understanding what is happening to her. As a test she tries to resist Kyou's sleep suggestion but when she put her head on the pillow she was compelled to sleep deeply. She could not stop it. No matter how hard she tried.

She recognizes that the best hypnotists in the world could not do as Kyou has done.

Kyou gets defensive and starts a fight which escalates. At present you only have the option to apologize but there is a greyed out option for future in which you can bring Sapphire back.

I'm interested in seeing that path in the future.

After the pair talk it through Sayori thinks to involve Nozomi as a third party consultant. She wants to see if Kyou's hypnosis is as powerful on anyone or if it is just her and she knows Nozomi will instantly agree to this.

Sayori is a bad friend. In Doll route she refused to allow Nozomi to interfere with the hypnosis but in this route she weaponizes her knowledge of Nozomi's hypnosis fetish in order to have someone to test on. Even the safest penlight hypnosis has the potential for danger and it's hard to reconcile her involving Nozomi, even in a route where Kyou has proven himself not a shithead.

After school they test the penlight on Nozomi.

and it confirms in Sayori's mind the hypothesis that the penlight is odd and makes hypnosis act in ways it shouldn't. She even notes that the CIA have been trying to do what Kyou has managed for decades and a random high school kid accidentally stumbles on it.

Sayori really hates how Kyou just bumbles into success when she has to fight so hard to scrape by.

Now in the Nozomi route I mentioned that the timelines are pretty rigid for Sayori and to a lesser extent Hiroko. Sayori has cram school every day except for Sunday (which is a day taken by Hiroko's tennis tournament) and much of the Doll route requires maneuvering around study club, an optional obligation, and cram school which is necessary or she will be contacted by her father.

The other Alter routes will involve consequences for Sayori's grip on her responsibilities relaxing a little. Here she is still trying to be everything she should be while dealing with this extra stress.

That all said, she rushes out of the scene when Kyou finished the simple down and up with Nozomi. She has to go to cram school. She vanishes so fast that Nozomi is left sitting at the table running her fingers along the table and processing the fact that a fantasy from her mind control stories just came true and it's all suddenly over.

So Nozomi, with an opportunity to make her fantasies come true, tries to convince Kyou that it would help Sayori out to do more tests. She insists that it is in Kyou's best interest and she promises that if Sayori is upset then she will take full responsibility. She gives Kyou as many outs as possible to tempt him.

You have to deny her twice.

If you accept then there's a rough draft of an unfinished path but it also provides the most Sleepyhead moment in the game.

I swear to heaven Sleepyhead is going to cosplay Nozomi Akemi at a hypnosis convention one of these days...

Turning her down is one of the most mature moments Kyou has in any route.

His crush has just begged him to do the thing this entire affair was for and he turns her down.

I'm proud of you Kyou. You're a good boy. Also Nozo truly cannot be trusted around hypnosis.

You're a lovely girl, Nozomi, but you're insatisable. We all love you for it. But you cannot be trusted.

Look back to the Doll Route and the thing with the culture festival application. Sayori ruins her relationship with Nozomi because he couldn't trust her around the promise of hypnosis or Kyou with the temptation of working with Nozomi.

It's interesting when we get to see these dramatic irony stings.

The next day Sayori turns up and tells him to destroy the penlight. If you refuse then Kyou will force Sapphire out again use her willingness to go along with Kyou to entrance her again and both deprogram Sayori and erase Sayori's memory and then the next day utilizes Nozomi's offer to test more to do the same with her. Alone again but he still have his penlight.

In the good ending. He uses the penlight to deprogram Sayori and destroys the penlight. The story cuts a few months later and Kyou has become a regular at Study Club and is picking himself up. He is treating Sayori's insomnia via therapeutic hypnosis and is truly thinking about becoming a real life hypnotherapist.

He also pulled off the culture festival and though Sayori was not involved, Nozomi kept him on his toes.

The pair have grown close and know a lot about one another's lives to the point of which Kyou asks Sayori on a date to an arcade and she is surprised that he would ask her to such a location and Kyou mentions her talking about how much she enjoyed arcades before high school.

Sayori notes that they may be having a date but she still is still moving if she gets into med school and they won't last long. Kyou acknowledges that it's worth enjoying the moment even if it doesn't pan out.

I love her.

Now this route involves erasing Sapphire in both good and bad ending. She barely got to exist. Less than 5 minutes into the world.

Shall we go back in time to that initial encounter and meet her now?

An interesting part of the Alter routes where Sayori and Sapphire are bouncing back and forth (intentionally or unintentionally) is that this is the only route that has "rules" to keep a track of.

Any time Sayori is turned into Sapphire or Sapphire is turned into Sayori there is a complete void between times that the Become... trigger was used.

Sapphire recognizes that she was given a trigger to have a "carefree and fun" persona installed and assumes that "Sayori" is the name of this. Any time someone calls her it she becomes more and more aware of the situation.

Another rule is that Sayori and Sapphire have a common history and this is a really interesting thing that instantly caught my attention and proved that DeMille understood the assignment and either studied dissociative identities or is quite capable of understanding how they are expressed.

There is nothing about Sapphire that isn't part of Sayori. She is not how Sayori would imagine someone without inhibitions or a caricature of a carefree person. Sayori simply remembered a younger point of her life when she used to visit the arcade with her father and how her life felt before she became weighed down by expectations and the stress of not being able to keep up with her studies.

Look up at those last two pictures. That's Sayori at the end of the Golden Ending and Sapphire at the start of the Alter path. That smile isn't unique to Sapphire. Sayori can smile like that too. She can visit the arcade and have fun. That is a huge part of the story that is being told here. There truly is nothing within Sapphire that doesn't already exist within Sayori. They share a beautiful blushing smile.

It's not fully developed as a story where this was the core of the tale would be but I think that is something that makes it all the more effective. It's succinct. A concept I am completely blind to but I do like it when others pull it off. I am not saying that Sapphire is 12 year old Sayori (well. My thoughts are more nuanced than that at least. We'll see what I mean a little later). I am saying Sayori was asked to conceptualize a carefree version of herself and Sapphire was constructed from the emotions that she was once familiar with.

Which makes for not just an effective story, but a reflection of reality.

AW met us from a roleplaying group. Sapphire was not the only character we played in those days. But she was the only hypnotist character. When we were a teenager we were deep into reading hypnotic theory. We burned through so many books between ages 16-25. But there's a difference between reading how to do a thing and doing it.

But Sapphire was a character and so in posts she would think about different types of inductions by their name and talk about things like convincers and depth signals. She spoke in a grandiose pattern. She was confident. In charge. Dominant.

I don't know how many people AW had us hypnotize but he recognized that we did not have the confidence to do so when we were lucid. But in Sapphire's headspace there was no filter, no cogs turning... it was fluid. A person who knew their stuff, believing they knew their stuff... no delay, no bravado. Was I what I imagined a hypnotist to be or was I just a version of myself unburdened by a shame of kink, a fear of eroticism, any notion that this was not who we were and what we were built for.

I recall in the 2010s when my friend group met "me" in my iteration at the time... there was no hypnosis that time. Just a call from the heart to fill a void in a tabletop scene. Our playable character was transformed into the personality of a femme fatale and we needed to act as her with no time to prepare. We closed our eyes and reached inward. Sapphire is not the shape we sought but it was the shape that reached up and took control in that moment.

We think about that moment a lot. I took the name "Honoria" that day. The shape of "me" had changed. I wonder what shape I was before AW got a hold of me. Sapphire existed before AW... but he poisoned her. Changed her into something else. It makes me wonder what experiences, emotions and memories forged me. I wasn't always here. But now I am...

And I don't just disappear in silent moments or the years between activty.

I'm also a sucker for rules in storytelling and so when things like which name is spoken out loud or the trigger is used I am keeping these things in mind. I wanted to mention that early as it plays in as we go.

So Kyou does not bring back Sayori and Sapphire laughs about how Kyou's hypnosis must have failed when he calls her "Sayori" and she does not recognize the name.

And with Kyou's negligence on full display, Sapphire heads out of the house, not even recognizing her own name. He assumes she'll just snap out of it when the situation calls for it. He doesn't realize the level of distress that can be caused by leaving someone in a literally "altered" state interact with the world and their life.

We used to call it "channeling". Evidence had shown that hypnosis could let our younger self do things that they couldn't do in an unaltered state. Eventually they started to lean into it. At work. In intimate situations. When they needed to perform. When they needed to play a character, to push through barriers of fear and doubt. Close your eyes. Let yourself enter a flow state. Become the person you need to be...

We were already a transgender woman pretending to be a man. This just made us a transgender woman pretending to be a man needing to pretend to be other people just to function in basic life tasks. It felt pathetic. It felt so alienating from my sense of self. I didn't identify with my body or my mind. In seeking ego death we hypnotically abused ourselves to the point of which we were just an idea of a person who had a legal name that didn't feel like our own...

I did this to myself, I would think.

The next day Sapphire ambushes Kyou at the gate. He notes it's odd but he's just happy there's someone happy to see him.

Kyou doesn't realize this is the alter personality and calls her Sayori, convincing her that Kyou is still trying to make the hypnotic compulsion from the previous day work.

Kyou's reply is not to tell her to Become Sayori again. It is to panic about what Sapphire will do when she hears the wrong name being spoken by the teacher and her friends...

In his defense, Sapphire did scold him in trying to trigger her in a public place.

But he still prioritizes a comfortable landing for Sayori over the danger of allowing Sapphire to run rampant.

This priority is the source of much of the drama in the One Day situation.

During class people do infact call Sapphire "Sayori" and she is horrified and confused by it.

We are given two options.

"It's a prank" - Change her back

We'll focus on change her back for now and come back later for "It's a prank". After all. Kyou may be able to tell himself that he is prioritizing Sayori's safety and doesn't want to wake her up to a public setting but the longer he puts this off the more distress both Sayori and Sapphire will be in.

It would be irresponsible to actively encourage this situation to continue by gaslighting or worse programming a woman in distress to lean into her altered headspace to avoid confronting the reality of the other persona being upset when they wake up.

...so let's have Kyou bring Sayori back.

Penlight hypnosis causes the hypnotee to blank out entirely. We saw this directly in the "Reversal" route. This counts for altered states too. We had seen it when Sayori woke up suddenly in Kyou's room and we saw her reaction to it in the Golden Ending path.

Imagine how terrified she would be waking up a day later with no memories of her night. Knowing that some other version of herself had lived a day in her life. Spoken to her parents. Attended school. Acted as if it were here.

The sentiment makes her sick to her stomach.

Sometimes in our emails and chatlogs we find little bits of evidence of our actions and behaviors, areas of the internet we had posted in with no recollection, even after system discovery.

AW had Sapphire make her own Yahoo account to send messages from, I have the sign-up email in my inbox. When I saw it my blood froze cold. I still do not know the password and it has been locked from my attempts to get in. It terrifies me to think of all the things I would see if I managed to get in.

I don't think I can describe the powerlessness and vulnerability that comes when you realize that the continuity of your own experience has been disrupted and even in the face of evidence you're unable to reconcile it. You know that it was you. You cannot deny that. But it still remains alien. You have no memory at all of the situation or scenario. It makes you feel so hopeless and untethered.

She takes it fairly well, given the circumstances.

Sayori retreats to the rooftop club ordering Kyou to stay the hell away from her. She is beyond terrified.

Kyou, being Kyou, instantly starts internally pouting about how he is not at fault for how people take his hypnotic suggestions and that it is unreasonable to blame him when hypnosis cannot force someone to do something they didn't want to do.

Typical Kyou stuff.

He does note he should have been better about safety and beats himself up a little about his mistake, though.

From here the school week continues on with Sayori avoiding Kyou. She instantly speaks to Nozomi, someone she knows can help her with matters of hypnosis. Nozomi even gives Kyou a firm talking to and tells him in no uncertain terms "you hurt my friend. You have to atone. On her terms, not yours."

Nozomi is wonderful. She really gets to shine in this route as she is the voice of ethics in hypnokink. Ironic, given how quickly she throws that all away when she has an opportunity to go under for herself but she knows her stuff, she knows her ethics.

It speaks to how much a person can let their own safety disappear when they are given opportunities to play. I'm certain all the older members of the hypnosis community had some brushes with dangerous individuals due to their own level of self-neglect.

But Nozomi does know what ethics are and she wants to protect her friend. She does a fantastic job of it.

She acts as a mediator and invites Kyou to her house the following day so that Sayori has a safe space to work out what the heck is going to happen next.

At Nozomi's house they gather together and Nozomi lets Kyou have it, she all but screams at him.

(Nozomi and I share a soapbox)

The rant Nozomi gives on ethics at this point is one of the highlights of the game for me and not just because of my connection to the reason she's yelling. She speaks passionately about how ethical hypnosis is performed, she uses the word "hypnotee" several times (proof that DeMille is read up as the fictional space and public consciousness tend to favor "subject") and notes how Satoshi, the senior from last year's show, had performed correctly.

Nozomi's anger at Kyou is something that reminds me of a number of my close friends in the best possible ways.

Sayori even notes that she is certain Kyou meant no harm and that she forgives him. Nozomi's reply is "Not until he gets on his hands and knees"

Better be careful, Sayori. Nozo is coming for your "best girl" crown.

Sayori is Sayori though and she is not going to submit herself to deprogramming hypnosis without understanding the situation in full and having control over how the matter is handled. This may not be the consent/rapport version of Sayori's story but she is still the same woman. Well, Sayori is anyway.

Sayori notes that the level of control that Kyou has demonstrated matches years of conditioning with a hypnotist and shouldn't be replicated with 2 sessions worth of trance.

AW and I met in 2003. I broke it off with him in 2010...

Sayori wants to understand the rules and pontificates that if they are as she thinks then if Sapphire came out she would not recall anything between the last time the trigger was used and the present moment. Sayori is also certain if she heard the trigger phrase she would be incapable of resisting it.

To prove this she asks Kyou to use it.

And it works. Sapphire returns, giggling at the magic trick of Kyou teleporting her from school to Nozomi's house. She's just delighted to be out of class. She is hypnotically compelled to hate studying after all...

Sapphire takes it all in stride and seems to have no qualms with Nozomi's presence, outright saying that she assumes Nozomi invited them over because of her "hypnosis-loving giddiness". Sapphire knocks Nozomi off her balance by outright identifying her fetish and laughing at how Kyou clearly picked up on it too.

All Kyou needed to do was say "Become Sayori" again and the scene would be over, hypothesis confirmed. Alas, what can go wrong must go wrong and Nozomi's mother enters the scene and Kyou prioritizes the comfort of Sayori waking up in an awkward position over her safety.

He convinces Nozomi to let the conversation play out and just trigger Sayori when the mother has gone. Right? Sorted.

A small chat turns into lunch.

Lunch stretches on and Sapphire starts talking it up. We learn a little more about Nozomi's board game hobby and the fact she has a secondary friend group she plays games with on some evenings.

Sayori's phone goes and Sapphire excuses herself to answer it... and then goes missing.

The next sequence is a lovely wild goose chase of Nozomi and Kyou unable to find Sapphire (her phone is turned off!) and worrying that Sayori's father referred to her as "Sayori" and Sapphire worked out she's the installed personality and ran off to prevent anything happening to her.

Remember how I said the timelines of the game are rigid. Saturday is a good day for this to happen. Sunday is Hiroko's tournament after all...

...and Saturday is cram school for Sayori...

Her dad was upset she wasn't there and Sapphire, hypnotically induced to hate studying, hung up on him and turned off her phone and ran off to have fun.

The goose chase has some wonderful characterization of Kyou and Nozomi bickering, a brief Hiroko cameo and some character history for Sayori.

They find Sapphire at the arcade. In every route, as noted by the ending of the Golden Ending, Sayori has fond memories of going to the arcade with her father prior to high school and she was actually remarkably good at video games and found them relaxing fun.

Sapphire is just built from that feeling after all.

I do not know how much research DeMille did in this route. Turq told me in reading blog entries (this specific route was written this year) that DeMille was not happy with how this route was written and I was surprised to hear that. As a person with DID and former victim of personality play abuse I felt the nuances were handled remarkably well.

One of the theories of DID (which is a dramatically contested topic in psychology. I should do a post on the 3 major theories that are kicked about someday) is based on Attachment Theory. In child's psychology they are developing aspects of identity, self and personality which are typically reinforced by their relationship to caregivers and the stability of their environment.

Attachment Theory posits that while the child is developing they come to have subconscious expectations of their environment based on how they are treated that cause a level of anxiety and avoidance with Secure Attachment being low anxiety/avoidance and Disorganized Attachment being high levels of anxiety/avoidance. Disorganized Attachment is more than just anxiety/avoidance, though. It comes from unstable environments where the child cannot reliably act in a certain way to get their needs met. Caregivers and authority figures do not respond well either via abuse or neglect (for instance an alcoholic mother may be violently and angry towards a child at night and then loving and apologetic in the morning) leaving the child feeling confused and afraid and unable to rely on stable protection and affection. Thus the personality and stable sense of self does not develop as the child is not modeled a correct way to behave, leaving them without a stable core.

Add in some cPTSD to the mix and you get some fun stuff happening in the brain.

Incidentally Disorganized Attachment is something that comes up in the development of BPD (which includes Identity Confusion as a diagnostic criteria) as well, which is why some psychologists believe that DID is just BPD with extra steps. As I said it's a contested field.

That all is to say that Sayori's relationship with her parents is strained. They are always working, something she and Kyou bond over, and she herself is busy to the point of breaking trying to live up to their expectations. Maybe I'm just headcanoning it but Sayori and her father clash a lot when Sapphire goes against his wishes.

So it is truly remarkable to me that Sapphire regressed to the point in her life when she used to visit the arcade and play games with her father. Sayori always refers to him as "father" and (in this route) Sapphire always refers to him as "daddy". I chose to put weight on that, even if it's not intended by the author.

Every one of her routes this love of video games exists but you'd never see it if she didn't have a reason to let it shine. It's not that she's ashamed of it. She just cannot be the person she was before and it's part of the reason she resents Kyou. Kyou can just take it easy and coast without even trying. She's sacrificing SO MUCH and cannot even feel confident about her ability to succeed.

Sapphire just takes the weight of that responsibility off of her.

Oh it's been a while since I used a photo. I got caught up talking about psychology stuff. I do that sometimes. Here. Have a Sayori kicking Kyou's butt at Street Fighter!

Sayori decides that this proves her theories about the penlight hypnosis without a shadow of a doubt and requests Kyou allow her to hypnotize him with it.

She does so at Nozomi's home and much like the Nozo-Reversal route we have a quick blank out from the induction to 20 minutes later. Nozomi and Sayori worked hard to be safe about their suggestion and we witness one of the most interesting scenes in the game from an ethics standpoint.

Kyou remains in trance and during this 20 minute window is forced to deprogram Sayori and remove Sapphire and sleep triggers from Sayori's mind.

We'll get more into the ethics of just erasing Sapphire in the final segment of this route...

Kyou argues that the penlight isn't a mind control device and Nozomi, clearly done with Kyou's denial and is about to get into an argument when Sayori steps in and notes how Kyou believes that the penlight is just a hypnosis tool and not a mind control device and if such were true then he would not obey any programming that he did not want to.

She orders him to break the penlight.

Kyou obeys.

But he fights the compulsion.

He fights it with all his might.

Seeing just how much he struggled in this scene reminds me of the ending of Nozo-Trance where Kyou commanded her to be his girlfriend. The penlight can overrule agency and in this moment Kyou cannot resist. He screams, begs the girls to stop, swears at them and cries out at the top of his lungs.

But he obeys.

Kyou is livid. Yelling at both girls that they had no right to subvert his will and destroy his hard work. He even threatens to build another one... and it is in this moment when...

Sayori hugs him and shares a moment of perspective. They had both been violated by the penlight and left to feel confused and afraid at the complete lack of control they each had in their own mind.

The ending to this route is actually rather positive. Sayori's father relents enough to let Sayori ease from her studies a little as it is clear that she had a burnout that erupted in her behavior during Sapphire's reign and that she was working better with full rest anyway.

Any Sayori route tends to include a note that moderation helps her more than obsessive study. Burnout will actually kill her but she needs to make the change from inside. She's a proud woman with a firm sense of control on her experience. She does not want to be told what to do, but she benefits a lack of pressure.

Kyou, Sayori, Hiroko and Nozomi start a D&D campaign together and Sayori finds an affinity for acting out characters in the setting.

Trust me, I can relate.

So this is what happens if Kyou wakes Sayori up on the school day after creating Sapphire.

...what happens if he didn't?

What happens if Kyou is arrogant enough to think Sayori is better as a carefree lady who hates to study?

What if Kyou decided he wanted to keep Sapphire?

"It's a prank" Route:

Every now and again I pull up my chatlogs with AW and one question plays in my head over and over again.

"How could I trust someone like this with my mind"

I pulled up chatlog and did a word search for "memory" to see if he ever did amnesia shenanigans with me. I found this exert:

AW: so she's pretty much wholly brainwashed at this point AW: her memory, personality, beliefs etc… are all customizable AW: she's got a second, deeper moral compass now. 'right' is what pleases master, and 'wrong' is what displeases master

As I read this all I could think was how did I let someone talk to me like that. How did any part of me accept that he could be allowed to mold us... it was such a violation.

If there is one thing I am grateful for it is that hypnosis in reality is not hypnosis in Penlight. The things AW commanded us to do were unconscionable. But we simply did not obey. But we did not run from him. It took him trying to make moves on people in our vanilla real life to make us break it.

If Kyou decides to trick Sapphire into thinking everyone is calling her Sayori as a prank, she instantly starts to threaten Sayori's entire career by complaining about study club and how much she hates school. Kyou doubles down.

Kyou doubles down in the worst way possible.

He hypnotizes Sapphire to always hear the name "Sayori" as Sapphire and to always unconsciously refer to herself in speech and writing as Sayori. By the absolute grace of DeMille Kyou remembers enough to make this suggestion in a way that saying "Become Sayori" will not be heard as "Become Sapphire". Though in my opinion the fact he even thought to close that loophole speaks to how unethical he is being right now. He knows what he is doing and is doing it anyway.

When Kyou is a little fuck he really makes me hate him...

During this hypnosis session Kyou starts thinking of Sayori as "Sapphire's other personality" before internally correcting himself to say "real personality".

That's one of the biggest themes of this route. "Real".

In the first two routes, Sapphire was a suggestion gone awry. Her autonomy (as well as a good use of "compartmentalized memories" in dialogue) is noted in the "Bring Sayori Back" (Day Lost) route but it is in this route that Sapphire and Sayori are treated as full dissociative identities.

Having just committed an atrocity on Sayori and helped smooth out any wrinkles in the personality he installed in Sayori's mind (that is commanded to have a crush on him), Kyou wakes her and she confesses her love. Kyou reciprocates.

Kyou's denial is legendary enough that if DeMille revealed he had a hypnotic compulsion to have the worst possible take in any scenario where the player isn't controlling the situation, I'd believe her.

Sapphire is all about the public displays of affection and starts being intimate and close to Kyou at school, pulling him to the rooftop club. There she mentions that she is dating Kyou and they are practicing hypnosis for the cultural festival.

Nozomi's hypnosis radar is pinged.

After Hiroko incredulously calls her bullshit, Sapphire doubles down and states that she is going to have a proper date with Kyou during the coming weekend. When reminded that mock exams are coming up and she should be studying, Sapphire happily says she will blow it off in order to spend time with her love <3

Nozomi's bullshit detector is pinged.

However, Nozomi is Nozomi. So she simply chimes in that as Class Rep it is her duty to help with the cultural festival and she must be involved in this hypnosis show. There is no options in this. They will attend Kyou's house tomorrow and there is no ifs or buts.

Sapphire also proves she cares about her friends and notes she is prioritizing Hiroko's tennis match for Sunday. Sayori is a good friend, even when her moral limitations and over-controlled behaviors are turned off.

Why, yes. I do know what I typed in the last review.

Have you considered Sayori is best girl, though?

Nozomi spends the day scripting out what will happen with the hypnosis session (no shenanigans, just scripting) and is enjoying herself but then Sapphire gets the phone call. Same time as it happened in the previous route. Sayori's father is livid that she is not at cram school. This time however we get to hear the argument and it is fairly pointed.

Sayori cannot avoid going in this route. It's interesting to note the differences between Sapphire without Kyou's reinforcing her presence in Sayori's mind and how she is here. The other Sapphire just hung up the phone. This one ended up going.

Nozomi excuses herself before noting "Sayori has never missed school. Not once. Not regular school of cram school."

She notes the discussion about second personalities and knows damned well what is going on here.

My beloved audience, behold! It is the thesis statement of this entire route. Also I will remind people of what Nozomi's first action is when she gets a hold of the penlight in Nozo-Reversal route.

There are so many times in this game where characters make overt ironic references to other routes. This is most certainly one of those moments.

After cram school Sapphire and Kyou meet up for their date and Sapphire talks about how she had intended on getting in a higher level high school but had not been able to be accepted elsewhere. She was happy to have Nozomi and Hiroko still in her life but it marks the moment that Sayori had become obsessed with study.

She visits the arcade and notes how she used to visit with her dad. Once again I note the fact that this Sapphire is less childish than the previous one. I feel the "Bring Sayori Back" Sayori was regressed to who she was before high school, referring to her father as "daddy" where here she calls him "dad" every time. Sayori always says "father".

Kyou's hypnosis has integrated Sapphire and Sayori and more importantly associated the memories, just not the behaviors. This Sapphire is an adult and she has full ownership over her actions during high school and has decided that she does not want to be that person anymore. She is happier like this.

Sapphire plays an arcade game and thanks Kyou for letting her "relive a happier time in her life" before dragging him down for dinner.

The two bond over their estrangement from their parents. Kyou is from a broken home with a father he barely sees and Sayori/Sapphire have a paramedic mother they barely see and a father who doesn't do anything to help anyone and Sayori/Sapphire disagrees with what he does and they argue about it.

She had wanted to become a doctor to make them proud even when they did not have economic advantage but Sapphire is not as sold on the idea. A doctor needs to keep up on study for their entire career. She has no interest in such a life.

Kyou starts to realize he is making a huge mistake and that programming Sayori to go against everything she stood for.

Finally realizing what Nozomi was trying to tell him before he realizes that he's done a horrible thing and tells her that they have to break up. He confesses everything. That he used hypnosis to change her personality, that he expected she would snap out of it, that he is going to throw her entire future down the drain and it's not right and they have to stop.

Then Sapphire pulls the rug out from under him.

We have just lost cabin pressure...

So you may have noticed that I was calling her by the alter's name this entire time.

The game text is still calling her Sayori and has been since we reprogrammed Sapphire to unconsciously hear the name Sayori as her own. Kyou has been calling her Sayori. The entire game up until now has been treating this character as if she is Sayori but with her personality adjusted.

This scene has the game switch the name card back to Sapphire.

She's known the whole time that she is the installed personality. She worked it out on the first day when people were calling her Sayori. The installed personality was supposed to be "carefree and fun-loving" and she sees those traits in herself. Therefore it stands to reason if she behaves in the way Kyou's hypnosis was supposed to make her act and people called her the wrong name then she is the one who Kyou created.

And she's okay with it.

Moreover she knows Kyou can just say "Become Sayori" and be done with it.

And she is NOT okay with that.

"What is this "real" business? I am as real as can be, Kyou. Do you mean to say I am not the original? That I am a creation that must be destroyed now that I have inconvenienced you?"

"Kyou, I am no parlour trick for you to put away once it has been used. I am real. I have lived a life."

"Do you... do you really think you have the right to take that away from me, Kyou?"

Sapphire explains she has existed as a feeling within Sayori for some time and that her experiences these past few days are her own and belong to no one but herself.

Flooding with tears she says that what Kyou calls "fixing" her is actually Killing her.

One thing I see argued back and forth in support groups is the concept of a core/original/real personality. Many therapists, especially those approaching from the perspective of the IFS model and expect there to be a "Genuine Self" waiting to emerge. I do not share this viewpoint and even if I did , how ethical would it be to assume the birth identity is the only valid one when we've been living as a woman for 3 years.

Even still... would "birth identity" and "the original" even be synonymous. I consider "birth identity" to be the boy from London, not the person in the stories we were told of our childhood.

I may not have full memory of my childhood but I am fully aware of the things the "little monster" did. I wasn't allowed to grow past it. Suspended from school 3 times, expelled once, hospitalized a kid by cracking his head on a concrete pillar, stole, broke into places, got brought home by the police a couple times. All before hitting 10 years old.

I do not know who that child my father would tell me stories about was. I don't identify with him. I do not feel him inside me. I am aware it was me who flooded the toilets, punched a teacher and broke into abandoned buildings.

I also remember the refrain in my head in those young years "don't be like them." I remember moments of oblivious bliss and moments of being consumed by an all powerful righteous fury in my heart. Simultaneously a happy child and an angry adult. Seeds that would grow into Cammie and Camden. Yet neither of those were my name... they wouldn't be for another 20 years.

When we transitioned. We didn't know we had DID. Camden had been running the system for a few years at that point and was finally able to express openly and outwardly... and so on days when we couldn't present femme our self-loathing and emotional volatility increased. We began to hate with a burning passion any expression of masculinity and our English heritage.

We began to hate our birth identity existing within us. We tried to erase him. End him.

It's actually a common practice for people going through gender transition. Here's a comic that makes the point more clearly than I ever could. See my tags for it? This comic convinced me exactly what the game is saying firmly. The Boy has a right to exist within our heart. We don't get to put him away just because he's not convenient to our gender expression anymore.

Kyou is told firmly that to erase Sapphire from Sayori would be murder and that Sapphire believes Kyou is a better man than that. She acknowledges this is a heavy topic and gives Kyou time to think. Our little idiot hypnotist is left completely out of his depth, forced to accept that he has given life to this alternate personality and such gifts cannot be revoked lightly.

What follows is a sequence at school where the rooftop gang gather and Hiroko stresses about her performance in the tennis tournament may impact her scholarship giving Sapphire the opportunity to show how carefree she is about scholarships. Nozomi confronts Sapphire with the knowledge that she is an installed persona and is horrified to find out that Sapphire not only knows this but does not care to be "fixed".

The conversation also bounces back and forth between using the names "Sayori" and "Sapphire" enough that Hiroko and Nozomi notice traces of Kyou's meddling. He confesses that he has programmed her to hear the name she is comfortable with whenever someone is clearly addressing her.

Nozomi is LIVID at hearing Kyou tried to mitigate harm by disguising it. She knows just how monstrous and unethical that is.

This is something that I fear isn't delved into enough within the ethical routes of the game. There are shadows of it here but I really feel like there needs to be a route that is specifically about owning mistakes.

As Turquoise pointed out in his NozoZombie review, a good hypnotist can still make no errors and still hurt a person. Kyou is entirely the type of person to utilize amnesia suggestions to bury mistakes and put things "right" but typically this only happens in the bad endings of routes.

I know too many people who played in the 2000s with dangerous hypnotists who crossed boundaries or made abreactions and tried to make the hypnotee forget rather than owning their mistake. I truly feel this is a topic that DeMille would knock out of the park if it were the sole focus for a storyline.

I also want to know that Sapphire's speech patterns at this point of the story are unique to her. Sayori has a grandiose way of speaking and the way that Sapphire talks is in character for Sayori but where Sayori's expanded vocabulary and wordy ways of speech is treated as her being a little loquacious, Sapphire embraces the concept of "eccentric", utilizing some phrases that she uses as a point of comfort such as "as you like".

Oh and as a British expat, I do love when I can feel DeMille's nationality bleed into this Japanese setting. It just makes me happy in the same way playing a 90s era RPG with American pop-culture references or seeing Brock eat a "jelly donut" would.

On the rooftop Nozomi caves in to despair, realizing that her friend is the one being killed. Sapphire insists that Sayori still exists within her mind but she has no reason to yield her existence to her. Nozomi's crying starts attracting attention and so Sapphire concedes that Sayori needs to be part of this conversation but it has to happen later in a safer place.

"Wait! Not here. And certainly not now [...] do you have any idea how Sayori will react were she to wake right now? In this place?"

Sapphire says that they need to perform the hypnosis in the privacy of the study club, where Kyou first hypnotized Sayori.

If you've not played this route yet, I want you to cast your mind back. Kyou did indeed hypnotize Sayori for the first time in the study club. This is a true statement.

But there's something odd about it, don't you think?

Kyou notices too but cannot quite identify what it is until Sapphire says that in order to make a safe landing spot for Sayori the conditions need to be perfectly replicated. Including Kyou and Sayori being alone in the room.

What is she scheming, I wonder?

After school Sapphire enacts her role as head of the study club and Kyou waits until afterwards to meet with her. Nozomi makes a final plea to bring Sayori back and tries to explain that Sapphire is not a real person and that the fact he can erase the hypnotic trigger is a proof of this fact. Kyou, who has spent time with Sapphire and recognizes her as a unique entity, disagrees.

Kyou's denial is legendary, though. Nozomi is making sense. She feels this "Sapphire" is simply Sayori following hypnotic programming, acting in the ways that Kyou told her to act and there is no separate individual. There is just programming that needs to be removed.

I like that this argument is left as a firm disagreement between Kyou and Nozomi. The ethics are dirty as can be in this situation. Kyou literally created a personality that is hypnotically compelled to love him. Earlier in the route Nozomi says that Sayori is "under duress" when Kyou says they are in love and that is right.

The situation has spun out of control and now the morality of it has become ungovernable. It is wrong for Kyou to permanently change Sayori into his girlfriend, it's the same situation as the endings where Kyou forces Nozomi to become his girlfriend. It is wrong to deprive Sayori of her autonomy, her life, her years of hard work.

Erasing Sapphire should be a cut and dry case.

But Sapphire is advocating for herself and does not consent to being erased. The whole situation boils down to whether or not you believe Sayori is following hypnotic conditioning or if Sayori and Sapphire are separate individuals with autonomy.

To add in further moral murkiness, Sapphire has come up with a scheme.

She will finish out her high school career pretending to be Sayori. Acting as a stuffy and studious woman, friend to Nozomi and Hiroko and stay away from her beloved Kyou. Earn their freedom by going through the motions and then after school is over she can return to Kyou and not have to worry about her parents or friends or society nagging about her behavior ever again.

Obviously that is an unacceptable circumstance.

Makes it easier to just ignore Sapphire's consent. She's not "real" after all...

But Sapphire is smart enough to know this may be the case and has selected the Study Club as the location of their hypnosis instead of Kyou's home.

That's the thing that was odd about the location. Kyou hypnotized Sayori in the study club for the sleep suggestion. Sapphire was created at Kyou's home.

She knows that if Kyou tries to bring Sayori back then he will be forced to manage the fact that she has lost 5 days of her life. Sapphire is so intent on living that she has put Kyou in a position where refusing her is disadvantageous. Sapphire is an evil mastermind when her back is to the wall.

In her mind to "include Sayori in this conversation" would be to destroy herself. Once she loses her ability to advocate for herself then Kyou would be the only one who could speak to Sapphire's autonomy and Sayori, Nozomi and Hiroko would never treat her as "real".

We know this. Nozomi said as much just before this meeting.

Sapphire admits, she has no right to demand this of Kyou (though she did think to put him in a position where refusing would end poorly) and that if he simply remembers her and keeps her in his memories then it could be enough.

You are then given the option to bring Sayori back or not.

Bring Sayori Back - Go Along with Sapphire's Plan

Should you go along with Sapphire's plan then she will have Kyou use a fake trigger to "bring back Sayori" and invite Nozomi to come into the room and begin acting out as if she were Sayori.

As soon as Nozomi comes in she keeps asking Sayori if she's okay. Telling Sayori that it's been 5 days. That Kyou hypnotized her.

Sapphire sells her role and is as livid and rigid as one would expect Sayori to be. Nozomi starts peppers every sentence with Sayori's name. Truly concerned about her friend.

Then Nozomi proves she is smarter than Kyou and knows her shit with hypnosis.

"Sayori" does not even react. She is hypnotically compelled to hear either name and internalize it as the name she should hear. Nozomi said Sayori every sentence in order to slip in a "Sapphire" and see how she reacts.

Sapphire fails to notice and Nozomi knows that the pair of them had lied to her...

In despair she once again cries for her friend to come back and Sapphire springs into action.

We get a timeskip to the final day of school. "Sayori" hangs out with her friends and Kyou remains a social parriah. Everything has gone "back to normal".

As they pile out of school Hiroko notes that Nozomi looks jumpy and just doesn't want to be there. Sapphire looks at Nozomi and assures her that she is amongst friends and she shouldn't be so tense. That if she had anything that was concerning her she could speak up and she would be happy to help her see things in a new light.

We flash back to the study club room.

Sapphire didn't use the penlight. She threatened to use the penlight.

She kept Nozomi in line via threats because she enjoyed watching the discomfort in her face whenever Nozomi was caught in the moral quandry of doing something or not fighting against this injustice. Sapphire gets off on having power over people and making them stew in discomfort.

Full credit to @spiralturquoise for pointing out that in the doll route there is a moment where Kyou has a thought box where he is convinced Sayori is enjoying his discomfort.

I am convinced that Sayori in every route enjoys watching people in moments of discomfort. It certainly explains her reactions to NozoZombie's stage show and why she makes the best audience member to be watching the events.

There are actually a number of little bits of foreshadowing in other routes. In one route Hiroko even jokes about how "we don't need two Sayori's around here". I look forward to replaying the game and catching the little asides.

DeMille has a very firm idea of who these characters are and is so gifted at maintaining their internal consistency. More impressive given how each character is dramatically altered when they interact with the penlight.

The bad ending concludes with Sapphire reuniting with Kyou andf starting their new life together with her performing a little bit of jabbing at him to see his own discomforted face contort as he struggles against the morality of his actions.

This ending has Kyou and Sapphire break off from the world and alienate themselves from family and friends to dive into a life consumed by one another. I find that this is one of the more intriguing fail conditions of the routes. Isolation is a big theme of all the bad endings. Whether Kyou ends up ostricized due to his misdeeds, sacrifices connections with the girls for what he feels is the safest option or is consumed by a hollow life where kink has consumed everything.

The doll bad ending is of a similar calibur where Sayori has no cares or interests outside of how wonderful hypnosis feels and so Kyou finds a full time job in maintaining a hypnojunkie and his life entirely becomes about catering to those needs.

Intimacy and connection is the good end. Isolation, even when alone together, is a bad end.

But that's a bad end. Let's bring Sayori back instead.

Kyou's lip trembles and he mumbles out his apologies. Sapphire just smiles back and closes her eyes in acceptance.

"You... You need to Become Sayori again."

Sayori wakes up and is stunned, scared and confused. Nozomi rushes in to hug her friend and they go to Kyou's home in order to sort things out. It was where the suggestion began and thus it seemed prudent to handle it there.

Nozomi and Kyou explain everything and Sayori listens and absorbs. She is numb by the end and tells them what it felt like for her. There are no memories at all of her time as Sapphire and she could not impact anything from within their mind, she was simply trapped in a void.

Kyou takes this as confirmation that Sapphire is a being unto herself.

Sayori agrees, noting that her hubris enabled this and that she should have been careful to entrust her mind to an idiot clod. She now has a dissociative identity to show for her arrogance. Sayori fully accepts that Sapphire is a separate entity born from her thoughts, emotions and memories and does have a right to exist.

Sayori is the best girl and I love her.

She gives Kyou two options. Erase all the programming and lock Sapphire away inside her mind forever, unable to come out and interact with the world. This option is as good as killing Sapphire but will allow Sayori full control over her life.

The other option is to integrate their consciousness to function together. Nozomi is horrified to consider this option, noting that it would be the end of Sayori's aspirations for med school.

She gives her signature Sayori smirk and boils it down to a simple statement.

"Ruin my life or destroy hers."

You bring Sayori under penlight hypnosis once again and are given the final option of the story.

Sapphire... I won't leave you behind - Sapphire... I have to let you go.

First off I note that Kyou frames this choice as being about Sapphire and not Sayori. I say that with no judgment or commentary. It's simply a fact of the route.

To erase Sapphire ends the game with an abrupt timeskip. The rooftop club want nothing to do with Kyou and he lives out the rest of his school career in solitude. Sayori manages to recover her lost week and feels confident about her chances for med school.

When Kyou speaks to her on her last day of school she is blunt and angry with him. She says every time she sees him she remembers how close she came to losing everything.

She says trusting him was her mistake and she takes ownership of it...

But Sapphire's life was placed in her hands and he sealed her away forever. Sayori wants Kyou to live with that. She wants him to miss her for the rest of his life.

She says goodbye and Kyou never sees them again.

I can think of few things in life more painful than being revoked access to speak to someone you love. To see them in front of you. To interact with them and to know that you are no longer on the "inside" of their trust. That you know the true names and shapes of the person... the people behind those eyes and know that you no longer have permission to see that. You are no longer allowed to hear their individual voice. It is a pain I would never wish on anyone.

And oh the level of self-loathing in internalizing that you have no right to be upset about it. That you are not owed access or trust. That you have to just live with the knowledge that they would take it all back if they could.

I know what it's like to miss someone for the rest of your life.

...so...

What if we integrate the pair into a single consciousness?

This time Kyou programs the two to have a line of internal communication and the ability to trade the body when they need to.

The timeskip happens again and Kyou has once again gone the final months of school alone. He is not soon to be forgiven for his actions. But as exams end the rooftop club have a date to go to karaoke to celebrate. Sayori is pessimistic about her propositions but did promise to celebrate. She also promised to talk to Kyou.

The rooftop club approach him and invite him to the celebration. As Sayori speaks with him, cold and upset, she is caught in moments of aside where she is caught in an internal argument.

The scene at the karaoke club is so beautiful and shows that not only has Sayori adapted to include her alter self into her life but Nozomi and Hiroko fully accept Sapphire as the 4th member of their group. Hiroko and Sapphire even seem to get along greatly.

Sapphire comes out to Kyou's comfort and delight and explains that Sayori pulled out of her emd school plans and they have to live a completely different life to accomodate their ideology clashes.

Kyou himself being one of them.

Sapphire and Sayori have internal conversations that Nozomi and Hiroko ask to be filled in on and for all it is worth this is handled just as it tends to be in my lived experience. DeMille did a good job of showing what "healthy multiplicity" looks like in a social dynamic and I cannot begin to thank her enough for that.

The whole "split personality" thing in fiction is always used as a source of drama. Internally as the turmoil between two (or more) individuals fighting over the solitary life. Externally as people not always knowing which alter they are speaking with.

I always appreciate when it's shown as just a part of who a person is. That people struggle to keep up with the shifts but are capable of following the changes and being aware that the person they are speaking to contains multitudes and the statement "they are the same person" and "they are different people" are both true at the same time.

In support groups I tend to see a common refrain that "DID is actually boring. It's just traumatized people trying to live their lives." and I agree with it. There's so much less mythology and intrigue in reality. This scene does a good job of showing the mundane reality of a person who has attained dynamic system communication and has people who they trust and share their truth with. The clumsiness and uncertainty of how any of it works and just trying to not stumble or apologize too much.

I often think I don't deserve the way people see me. See us. I've never been able to be what I am lucky enough to receive for others. In support groups and in life I have met other people who have these experiences and I fuck up. A lot. I try to not worry about it because I know I'd forgive the people around me if they messed up. But it takes earnest care and trust to be open with another person and for them to accept you and adapt their behavior to invite you in. It heals my heart to see Nozomi and Hiroko roll with it, even if they don't fully comprehend it.

During the karaoke party Kyou asks Sapphire where they stand, if they have a future or if tonight is a goodbye.

Sapphire takes him outside and admits that she still loves him and as Kyou reaches out to make a connection Sayori steps in and scolds her alter for breaking their agreement.

The pair get into an outloud argument over the situation and the impact Kyou's hypnosis has had on their shared life.

Sayori had to talk to her parents and tell them that her stress had caused a breakdown and she needs to adjust her life goals in order to accomodate her abilities. Sapphire jabs that Sayori would have had a miserable life treading water if intervention had not happened. Sayori notes that being forced to surrender her dreams is not a favor.

The sequence ends with Sapphire saying that she forced Sayori to give up her dreams. Giving up her love of Kyou is a suitable price.

Kyou will always be the one who ruined Sayori's life and saved Sapphire's. Sayori cannot bring herself to hate him but she cannot allow him to be in her life.

In a bittersweet ending, Kyou allows Sayori/Sapphire to return to the karaoke bar and he walks home.

The end.

The route is interesting in that there is real basis for it and yet the dynamics of the route lean more heavily into hyperbole than most need to. Adjusting a person's identity and risking them gaining a dissociative disorder is a very real issue within the hypnosis community.

I recently made a post about the topic which was inspired by my playing this route. I have no desire to out any of the people I have spoken to in the weeks since I posted it but a number of people have approached me to thank me for the post and share their experiences which mirror much of what AW did to me.

Then there's those Disney Deer files that are so imfamous at altering people's personalities and compartmentalizing their thought process that there are major online publications doing exposes on the topic.

DeMille handles the situation both in the present of noting what happens when a person's behavior is shifted by hypnotic conditioning and just how dangerous it is to give birth to alter egos via hypnosis. I feel there is full respect in her depictions and spare for Kyou's behavior being on a spectrum of irredeemable and fucking stupid; the characters treat the scenario with the gravity it deserves. I never felt like anyone betrayed their character's core while arguing on the agency and legitimacy of the alter personality.

I don't know if this is going to be the best storyline for anyone or be relatable to anyone outside of a very narrow window of individual... but as a member of that pinpoint Venn diagram... I appreciate that this story exists.

I think DeMille knocked it out of the park and I cannot wait to see what happens in the grayed out paths when they are written. Even if it hurts to read.

Next time we'll visit Hiroko. Though Turq has already handled the Tickling route if you want to read that now.

Going to take some time to focus on Not Penlight for now though. This took an age to write and edit.

[sleepy-boything-shit]

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

03: Do you regret anything?

06: How do you want to die?

11: Do you like someone?

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

32: What is your favourite color?

33: Do you have trust issues?

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

51: Favourite food?

54: Is cheating ever okay?

59: Do you like the snow?

62: What makes you happy?

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

A lot of questions, answer as many or as few as you like :3

1: it used to be good but in recent years it got so bad compared to when i was a kid oh my god

3: a LOT. i will not go into detail because i am not in the headspace to do so rn.

6: stabbed in the throat

11: yes i do

13: i have a WHOLE LIST blegh. all of them are in my grade and at school lmao

17: nope. havent even had my first kiss yet haha. had a dream i did tho (..huh.)

24: science and math definetly

29: nope. never had any.

32: blue

33: if it counts, i trust a lil easily. working on it tho

35: not exactly in front of, but just some time ago while i was talking to @/im-an-anthusiast

37: forgive. i do that too easily too, and if i just try to forget something, it haunts me for so long.

51: those crappy microwaveable mac n cheeses that come with the powdered cheese

54: relationships? no. assessments? still no.

59: used to love it. i hate it now for some unexplainable reason.

62: being in the company my loved ones, through a screen or in person.

65: im not completely sure what i would do.

68: last night i was sitting with my irl friend in her balcony, we had a playlist playing on speaker and opened up to each other about a lot. we exchanged advice, admitted a lot, and we even found out we had some vaguely similar experiences. we grew a lot closer last night, and i could not be more grateful to have her around.

70: all of my tumblr mutuals, love yall so much. and my irl friends, the friend from 68, @/heheshruberycollector, @/brozonesbiggestfan, and @/mookiepookiepoo.