#I am forcing myself to write more damnit

[nexttothelamp]

She liked the post 😭

Damn I love my wife so much it might kill me

[precisionbattlesystem]

As Planned

cw// sui thoughts, sui ideation, intrusive thoughts, second person You’re known for these benders.

It makes you feel like shit, unable to get the details of what’s really important. It’s like a grocery list. It’s better if you wrote it down at some point, so you can remember when you need it. But it’s hard to remember if you try to remember it yourself. You didn’t write it down, because if it was important, you’d remember it. If it was really important, you’d write it down. And since you did neither, it must have been useless.

So you stumble into the party, you call everyone a slur. That’s not like you.

Good.

The party goers that aren’t used to your presence look at you with disdain, but your friends laugh away your vibes with hearty smile and say that you’re just a bit tired from work, a bit cranky as some would say. You’re too kind.

Heh. Right.

Your arm gets grabbed and you get pulled to the side. It’s your friend, a mentor, a lover, a believer. He believes in you, or she believes in you. You’re such a piece of shit, you can’t even remember her pronouns. So it must not be important.

But the thing you do remember is why you’re here.

“Hun, you know we love you, what happened this time?”

Me. I’m what happened this time. I should find a ditch on the side of an unpopulated road and just lie there to rot. And then kiss a gun to make sure I don’t wake myself up. Instead I just say, like a fucking pussy, “I don’t think I should be here right now,”

But you don’t really believe that, right? If you did. You’d do it. Shut the fuck up.

“Hey, none of that. We believe in you, just like you believed in all of us. In me,” She’s talking about her addiction again, holding it over me like it was something holy or some divine intervention I did. All I did was ask her to stop. Repeatedly. She’s not giving up on me like I didn’t for her. Or he. I need to continue to misgender him, maybe it’ll slip one day, maybe she’ll see me for the monster I really am. He. Damnit. Her. She worked hard for this damnit, why are you so fucking insistent on hurting everyone?

Because if I do, I have less reasons to stick around. I can’t take back the hurt.

They’d allow you to make up for it though.

Yeah. Because they’re fucking morons.

I leave the party, I had more to say, more I planned to say. But this would have to do. I entered the party with the gusto of making America great again, but I’m leaving with my tails between my legs.

The next part of the plan was to stop by at work.

The plan is simple.

You enter the job, you curse out a customer for no reason. You cause some shit. The old lady who’s owned this grocery for years, you give her a heart attack. Steal the gun from her cabinet, hold it to her head. Tell her she’s fucking useless. Shoot the gun multiple times in the air.

And shoot the picture of her dead son.

“Hey! ***** and Alicia! I hate to ask you of this, I’ll pay you double on the side, no stupid taxes to get in the way,” She was old, but she knew stuff still, “Can you help me with this, my old hips can’t lift this today,”

The way she smiled twisted my gut into a knot. The way she knew something was wrong and that I just like to help.

You don’t do anything you planned and you walk away with one hundred extra dollars, heavy weight in your pocket. You at least tried to deny it, you wanted to tell her to shove it, but you just politely push it away. But she forces your hand closed around the roll. “You know, I’m always here for you. I’m not here for much longer, but I’m still here for you, kid,” Fuck.

Why. Shut the fuck up. You don’t know me.

The last part of the plan was to go to your partner’s house. Knock on the door, ring the door bell impatiently and…

She opened the door.

Goddess she’s beautiful. Why did something like her give you any attention? You didn’t deserve her. You waste her time with your hobbies and passions. You know she likes them too, maybe she didn’t at first, but it reminds her of you. Maybe she can find a new hobby.

Your legs lose strength for a moment and you wobble. She giggles, misinterpreting it for the way you usually fawn over her.

You don’t do anything you planned for today. Well, not entirely. You started off strong, but you wussed out like you always do. But if you committed social suicide, no one would care about you anyways, so why do you insist on making them care?

You end up talking to her about stuff. How the party went. How you helped your boss out at work for some extra cash.

She responds when she needs to, she laughs when it’s appropriate, but she lets you spill your guts for her. Do you really say that you were planning social suicide today? So maybe the real thing became easier?

“Hey,” She grabs your hands and looks at you in the eyes. She can tell something is wrong.

Whoa whoa whoa, you did what now? Wait hold on, this is all a mess. ****** you okay? Don’t answer that, of course you’re not.

Alicia uses your lips to say something, “Hey Carol, Alicia up front. ****** is not feeling too hot, can we lie down for a moment?”

“Can I help?”

“Just be here please, nearby. You presence alone makes us feel whole,”

“You are such a fucking nerd, Alicia,” Carol says with all the love and adoration in her soul.

Carol snuggles next to you in bed and you have to talk to this bitch again, your head mate, Alicia.

Fuck. Sorry. I thought you’d be happy after getting that book published. That’s my bad. I need to keep an eye on you… wait that’s not quite what I meant. You know what I mean.

You do. You do know what she means. You’re both one mind after all.

You cool with me doing damage control? Or do you want me to let this one lie?

She always asks you. Always. It’s your body, Alicia is just here for the ride. She showed up one day and doesn’t wanna overstep the boundaries you set. But she clearly cares about you. You already feel better, looking on the bright side of… no fuck fuck fuck. You had a plan today. Why can’t you stick to anything???

Alicia knows what your saying to yourself and doesn’t want to push you any further if you don’t feel comfortable. Goddess why is this so hard? Why can’t you just… not be?

Alicia helps you fix everything, everyone knows you’re under a lot of pressure, the book publishing probably just got to you. It’s your premiere as an author after all.

When in reality…. You just want to disappear. Everyone wouldn’t have to worry about you if you could just disappear from their lives entirely.

These feelings will pass, Jordan.

You hear your name for the first time today. It feels nice. Ugh. Alright alright. Be responsible and try again. “Fuck. I said so much fucked up shit earlier, the intrusive thoughts almost won several times today,”

Alicia smiled and hugged your soul while Carol hugged you tightly.

Maybe tomorrow things will be better. Or maybe things will go as planned.

[ohdearlingwhathappened]

Chapter 3 Kid x Reader x Killer- And then there were two

Chapter 3- Is that all this was

Content Warning: Angst, Hurt no comfort, there will eventually be comfort- you just ain't gonna find it here, Kid is a warning himself soooo

Chapter 1- Is that all this was?, Chapter 2

I am so sorry for how long this took me. I was recently in a car accident, and with college starting back up and my new job, I think my brain was pretty much melted. I'm hoping I'll be able to get back into a normal writing schedule, so fingers crossed. In the meantime- Enjoy the new Chapter!

A bright light streaming in from Kid’s cabin window found its mark on his face, bringing him out of his less than restful sleep. The man brings his arm over his face, not ready to go out and start his day, but it seems his movement and the sound of the bustling crew up above was enough to draw him even further away from sleep’s alluring grasp.

Groaning out a small string of expletives, the arm covering his face lowers and drags the hand down his face. Waking up alone made the whole ‘waking up' thing a lot harder than he remembered it being- he was much more used to slinging an arm over another body to stall or having one of two people gently rousing him. This morning’s experience just adds yet another drop of regret for Kid’s words from yesterday.

Regardless of his difficulty getting out of the bed, Kid forces himself to roll out of bed- quite literally- and gets dressed for the day. Now that he was a little more aware of his surroundings, the fact that enough of his crew was on deck to cause a bit of commotion gave him some pause. They have been at the safehouse for a couple of days now, so Kid is a little surprised more people aren’t on the shore celebrating being on land again. 

Going up the stairs to get to the main deck, Kid opens up the door only to bump into the last person who would want to see him at the moment. “Ah… Good morning, Captain. I take it you slept well since it’s well past noon, and this is the first anyone has seen of you today.” The tone was unfamiliar and- while not cold- it wasn’t exactly a warm greeting either.

“I actually slept like shit. Couldn’t get comfortable with all the room I’m not used to.” Kid grunts out with a hint of defensiveness, refusing to look away, no matter how much he wants to. Y/n’s shoulders tensed and they clenched their jaw.

“Well, not to worry, Captain. I’m sure you’ll be able to get someone to warm your bed soon enough. If you’re lucky, they won’t jump to any unsavory conclusions.” Never afraid to get to the point and be cutthroat about it- there’s a reason why Y/n fit in with the Kid Pirates so well. The sardonic smile loosely held on their face and biting tone would make just about anyone flinch, and though it was brief and minute, Kid was no exception.

“Y/n-”

“Now, if you’d be oh so kind to get out of my way, I have more duties to fulfill to do my part on this ship. After all, I haven’t proven myself to be worthy of this crew yet, right?” With that, they push past the broad-shouldered man and begin to make their way downstairs. Until, that is, a hand wraps around their bicep to stop them.

“Would you let me speak, Damnit?!”

“I think you said enough yesterday, Eustass.” Y/n’s tone was now frigid, leaving no room for argument. “Besides, you have your ever-important alliance meeting soon- you don’t have time to chat with the likes of me.” With that, they yank their arm from Kid’s grasp and stomps downstairs, waiting until they know he isn’t going to follow to let the tears they’ve been fighting to finally glide down their face.

Kid, not expecting to have this kind of conversation with Y/n this soon, heaves out a sigh before steeling himself and walking out on deck. The crew appeared to be hard at work, cleaning the deck and making sure any valuables were being stocked away to be put under deck. Wire passes by his captain but stops once he sees the confused look on Kid’s face.

“Y/n thought it would be a good idea to clean up for our… guests. They’ve been a bit on edge- probably just nervous about the meeting with Apoo and Hawkins.” Once he finishes filling Kid in, Wire goes back to helping the rest of the crew out. 

There are still a few more hours before the meeting was to begin, so Kid decided to help with a couple of boxes before going into the safe house to work on his side of the negotiations. Killer had helped him set up the parameters of the agreement, to start him off but has most likely left him to his devices after yesterday’s events. The massacre killer would most likely come around to notify him of the incoming ships and will probably stay throughout the meeting to ensure no bloodshed erupts from Kid’s less-than-appealing temper.

This alliance has to go well. 

*      *       *      *      *      *      *

“I can’t do it, Kil.” Y/n sighs, their head resting on his chest and arms wrapped loosely around his waist. “Everytime I look at him I feel like I’m going to implode. I’m so angry, but I love him and want to forgive him, but he hasn’t even said sorry. One second I want to punch him, the next I want to cry and have him comfort me… What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing. You’re hurting.” Killer’s left hand is placed atop their head, his right is wrapped around the back of their shoulders, keeping them close.

“You were dragged into this, and I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to pick sides between your par- whatever we all are.” Y/n cutting themself off from calling them lovers cut both of them. And despite having no more tears to shed, they hiccup- grieving the relationship that apparently never existed in the first place.

“Look at me-” Killer, holds their chin to bring their eyes to meet his mask, “I love you. You are my partner. And no matter what he says, Kid does too- his head is just too far up his own ass.”

It wasn’t the first time Killer had said he loved them, but it wasn’t a common occurrence and every time made Y/n smile.

“I love you too, Killer,” They took his mask-clad head in their hands and brought it down to place a kiss on his forehead, and then resting their own against his. “But I can’t stay. Not right now.”

Killer stiffened and breathed out a heavy sigh. “Where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know quite yet. I just need time and space away from him.”

Killer doesn’t respond. While he understands their need to go, he can’t help but to worry about their safety- this is the New World, not the South Blue. His hold tightens around Y/n, knowing this could be the last time he gets to do this for a while. “I get it. But please, be careful.”

“Don’t worry about me- I’ll be totally fine. Look, if his plans stay the same, you all should pass by Wano within the next month- and no matter what, I promise you to come back. Nothing will get in my way.”

The usually stoic man had a slight tremble to his frame, never loosening his grip around one of the two most important people in his life, despite feeling like they’re slipping through his fingers. “You better.”

“Promise me you’ll stay safe too.”

“I swear.”

“And make sure that moron doesn’t do anything stupid either. Ok?”

“That’s a big ask, little one, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you, Kil.” 

With their conversation having come to an end, they both stand there, soaking in each others’ warmth and touch, for a few more moments before Y/n pulls away, kisses his mask once more, and makes their way out of the small cabin- leaving Killer alone, wondering how things could have gone this wrong in not even 48 hours.

Taglist: @claxdoesntknow @teddyitalia @baelien-queen @heilee @iamn1ya @gnarlycrys

[tinyinvadr]

I’m sick today so I’m doing self care in the form of bed rest, having some chicken soup, drinking water, and writing about tiny lesbians. It’s all part of the recovery process.

Anyway, this is a little prequel to the Psychoborrower series about Sibilia’s parents!

By Lantern Light

I held my sweet Faina’s hand tightly as we trudged through the snow. It was the harshest, coldest night of winter, and we had just been forced to flee as our colony had been discovered. Our families and friends were all scattered across the Grulovian countryside, and we were unsure if we would ever see them again. We were lucky to still have each other.

And… our baby.

Faina was well towards the end of her pregnancy, and our child would be along any day. We thought she’d be able to give birth back in the colony, but with our abrupt departure, survival looked bleak for all three of us. The cold, unforgiving snow was no place for a newborn to be brought into the world. We needed shelter, even if it was only temporary.

My family name, Lantern, originated from my grandfather. He traveled through the harsh conditions of the outside world, until he eventually found a house to settle in, led by the glow of a lantern. That small firelight has aided us for generations, and I could only hope the same would go for us.

Just as I thought we would never find a place, Faina pointed out a slight, warm glow in the distance.

“Elina, look!”

It was like my prayers had been answered. That beautiful glow was calling to us. Our beacon of safety and hope for the future. It was our only chance.

I hoisted Faina up on my back and ran. She’s physically stronger than I am, but the adrenaline helped me carry her. I knew this would hurt the next morning, but I didn’t care. My wife and our baby were far more important.

We soon arrived at the source of the light. It was a small caravan, and it looked to be pretty run down. I’d almost think it was abandoned if it weren’t for the lit lantern. At the very least, the humans that lived in it didn’t appear to be home. Perfect.

I pulled us up the steps, and we made it inside, sighing with relief as the warmth set in. We were going to be okay.

The first thing I did was scout out the caravan, see if there were any places to hide. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to work with. It was an open space, and if we weren’t careful, we could easily be spotted.

I also took note of the cradle. Whoever lived there had a baby, or possibly a small child. That could be an issue.

Still, we had to make do with it until the weather cleared up. We couldn’t afford to be picky, so we just had to be careful.

“Elina!”

I turned to see Faina, breathing heavily with her hands resting on her belly.

“Are you…?”

She nodded, and I rushed over, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. We needed to find somewhere hidden for her to give birth. There was no telling how long she’d be in labor, and if the humans came home and saw us…

My worst fears were realized when a woman suddenly appeared in the doorway, her eyes immediately falling on us.

“Huh?”

I took a defensive stance, guarding Faina as I unsheathed my needle. I knew fully well that I didn’t stand a fighting chance against a human by myself, but damnit I was gonna try.

“Don’t come any closer!”

She didn’t make any moves towards us, but I kept my stance, ready to strike if need be.

“It’s alright, I don’t mean any harm, I just…”

Her attention shifted to Faina, and I moved to completely block her.

“Don’t even think about it!”

The woman frowned. “I know you’re scared, but I can help. Please, I understand. I’m… also a mother.”

It was then that I noticed the sleeping baby in her arms. He was maybe about a year old. But that didn’t change the fact that she was a human. This had to be a trick.

“I’m not falling for it! I won’t let you near my wife, you hear me?!”

Faina took my free hand, stepping forward so I was no longer blocking her.

“Wait. Let’s hear her out.”

She stood beside me, focusing on the human for a second. She was trying to get a read on her.

Faina had told me before that she has the ability to read people. She described it as being able to hear people’s inner voices, learning their true intentions. That was how she knew I had a crush on her back when we first met, and that gave her the courage to ask me out. In this case, she was going to determine whether this woman intended to kill us or not.

“She’s telling the truth. She genuinely wants to help us.”

I put my needle back in its sheath, not taking my eyes off the human the entire time. I trusted Faina’s judgement, but that didn’t make me any less wary of the human before us. The baby in her arms didn’t do much to ease my nerves, either. Human babies are far too unpredictable. But at least he was asleep.

We agreed to let the woman help us, and she set her baby down in the cradle. She then went over to the kitchen, grabbing a tissue box and a clean towel. She placed the box on the floor next to us, laying the towel over the top layer of tissues. It almost looked like a bed.

“I know it’s not much, but I thought I could at least give you someplace comfortable to have the baby. I’ll give you some privacy, but I’ll just be on the other side of the room if you need anything.”

At that, she settled into the rocking chair beside the cradle, keeping true to her word by focusing on a book instead of watching us.

I helped Faina settle into the tissue bed, pulling the towel over her like a blanket and planting a kiss on her forehead.

“God… how did I get so lucky to end up with you?”

She smiled. “It’s not luck, Elina. It’s fate.”

About an hour later, the woman’s husband came home, and she explained everything to him. He was confused, but was generally understanding. They both kept their distance from us, which I appreciated, though I could tell they wanted to do more to help.

Faina managed to fall asleep after a while, and I took that time address the humans.

“I can’t thank you enough for letting us stay. I’m not sure what would’ve happened to us if we hadn’t found a place to have the baby.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble. Though, I do have to ask, what were the two of you doing out in the cold?”

At that, I reluctantly explained what happened to our colony. There wasn’t much of a point in hiding it from them. There was no going back to our old home.

As expected, the man was surprised by the revelation that tiny people exist, though the woman was unfazed.

“I see. You’re borrowers, aren’t you?”

I was taken aback, but I kept my cool. There wasn’t anything inherently wrong with her having prior knowledge of us, but it still caught me off guard. She noticed my reaction, and gave me a reassuring smile.

“Borrowers lived in my house growing up. I never saw them, but my sister could hear them with her psychic powers, and she told me about them. We left them alone, though, since they were afraid of us.”

“I see. That’s good that you respected their boundaries. Not many humans would do the same.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry about what happened to your last home. Please, feel free to stay as long as you need to. At least until the weather warms up. I can’t in good conscience let you back out into the cold with the baby.”

This felt unreal. She was actually offering to let us stay. I had my doubts, and had to consider the possibility that this was a trap, but then I remembered that they couldn’t hide anything from Faina. If either of them had any cruel intentions, she would know, and we could escape before they could try anything. Though, even without psychic powers, I had a feeling that wouldn’t be necessary.

“I don’t think we’ve properly introduced ourselves. My name is Lazarus Aquato, and this is my wife, Marona.”

Marona chuckled. “And that’s our little Augustus in the cradle over there.”

The baby was still a concern, but we would probably be alright as long as we stayed out of his reach.

“I’m Elina. Elina Lantern.”

While Faina continued to sleep, I spent some time getting to know the Aquatos. They were a couple of traveling acrobats, and they’d been putting on circus performances all across the country. Their dream was to eventually take their show worldwide. They also planned to train their son in the art of acrobatics, in the hopes that he would one day carry on their legacy. “The Aquato Family Circus”. It had a nice ring to it.

Later into the night, they set up sleeping arrangements for me right next to Faina. That way, I could be close by to coach her through her contractions.

The next morning, our baby was finally born. A beautiful little girl with thick, dark hair and green eyes. Against all odds, our precious daughter was delivered in perfect health.

Marona and Lazarus were awestruck when they saw her. I could only imagine just how tiny she must have looked to them. They both made sure not to raise their voices above a whisper, and kept themselves at enough of a distance so as not to overwhelm us.

“Have you decided on a name yet?”

I turned to Faina. We had discussed several options, but we knew we wouldn’t be able to reach a definitive decision until after we actually saw the baby. I already knew which name I wanted, but I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.

“She does look like a Sibilia, doesn’t she?”

I chuckled. “Still reading my mind, huh?”

“What can I say? Your inner voice is very talkative. And pretty.”

God, that woman knew how to make me a blushy mess.

From that day on, we stayed with the Aquatos. They were more than happy to provide us with food and shelter, and we came to form a unique bond with them that I don’t think any borrower ever had with a human before. They were our protectors, but they didn’t see us as inferior in any way and treated us with full respect.

Sometimes I worried about Sibi growing up to be too comfortable around humans to the point where her survival instincts wouldn’t develop, but I knew that if anything were to happen, the Aquatos would go above and beyond to save her from any danger.

As long as we stayed together, we would be okay.

[kandicon]

So y'all all saw the Twitch and Robby cyber combiner that's going to be coming out right? Is anyone gonna write a story where an adult Robby starts dying because he's a human and humans have life spans so Twitch tries to force an interaction with the sleeve- it's healed him before, primus damnit. She can't live without her brother, her maker and other half- which begins to contort upon Robby's arm. It twists and spasms, an audible crunch is heard and Twitch (not fully aware of what's going on, but certainly panicking) desperately tries to remove her hand on it while Robby's screams echo through her audials. What should have been easy, to take her hand away, proves impossible as her palm snaps open and begins merging with the sleeve, which at that point it splitting apart to join with it.

It's then that Twitch find herself dragged towards Robby to breach the last, tiny distance between them as his shoulders forcefully snap back and both arm are pulled and bent behind his body. The last thing she sees is his face in horror with living metal traveling up it in an assured trail- his mouth, contorted to scream, holds teeth bubbling and in the process of fusing together in two separate steel bars.

The first thing she he they notice upon regaining sight is just how smaller the world looks, everything's tiny, and on top of that everything's tinted green.

The second thing they notice is they don't know what they are, where they are, or who they are. Trees. There are trees around, that's the word which comes to mind at staring at the rough towers all around. They look down to see red feet just below their green top, tentatively they lift a single foot. Beneath it is a crushed hole.

Memories come back as a trickle. Something far away is screaming at them, four somethings, actually. Care churned in their torso, an assault from so many directions, all undercut with terror. They don't know these people, but they hardly know they exist. The knowledge that they should be in pain makes them question why, and that seems be the finish of the fog. Fear, flesh, forging tighter as two separate beings. Memories of years and years together, being one with each other until that became a physical truth.

And yet, a heart beats in tandem with a spinning spark. Bones are mangled while below the metallic surface organs push more violently then they ever have before. A single promise, a curse, is said plainly through the lack of a second spark igniting. Combiners aren't meant for long term existence; the universe must have forgotten, for both (and there is a barely there both) are certain only one soul will continue it's movement if ever they transformed again.

Or am I gonna have to write that myself

[sauriansolutions]

God dammit God damnit

Tw... bad irl stuff, dead animal/dead pet tw's, severe depression/abuse/suicide tw's. Please I beg you to just scroll past this if you think you don't have the spoons to handle seeing it. Trust me I get it, if it wasn't my stuff I wouldn't want to know about it either.

Fuck I'm really not doing okay.

I just got back from my typical overnight shift, then went grocery shopping for the the 5 things I could afford, and finally came home to find

MY FROG DIED.

She was a little, underweight, green tree frog I got at one of the horrible chain pet stores because they had "boring, normal" tree frogs on sale, and this poor girl was underweight and had only one eye. (I called her Odinna.)

I had her for almost two years. I brought her with me, as one of my few possessions I wasn't forced to just abandon due to lack of space, when I moved cross-country after I couldn't afford to stay as a resident of the state I used to live in anymore.

I found her dead body while receiving a string of texts from my boss chewing me out for apparently stocking a product incorrectly. Some highlights:

"Don't ever (do task I previously claimed I entrusted to you) again!"

"All of (task) has to be redone because you fucked up!"

"If my boss would have seen this. Or his boss. Holy hell."

*also, photos of the hours of work I did last night being angrily undone, just to push the point home?*

I *put a product on the shelf wrong.* (I was never told the correct way.) Call the fucking firing squad, I guess.

It's not even these specific things, it's.

I don't have anybody I feel like I can safely talk about things like this with, otherwise I wouldn't be dumping this on the blog I tried to make for happy escapism.

I've been in so many long-term abusive relationships, I guess I don't know how to NOT be treated like shit. I've been trying though? I'm worried I might be too autistic and cptsd to even recognize what is a toxic relationship versus, I don't know, a normal snag between folks?

Pretty sure my boss and my roommate have been treating me like shit for awhile though. And I'm so dumb, I'm only just starting to recognize the patterns. Again. AGAIN. The same ones that--

Oh but, idk, maybe it's just me though? Maybe I am in fact so annoying, I deserve to have eyes rolled at me, to be cut off every time I try to talk, to be spoken to in this clipped, exasperated tone. Spoken *at*, more like.

But?? I don't think literally everything I say is stupid. I don't think literally everything I do deserves to be ignored if done well; and don't think I deserve to be excessively, humiliatingly berated if I make, (what seem to me at least? it's entirely possible I am the idiot?) really small, ultimately unimportant, and understandable mistakes??

Maybe I'm also insane to think this, but oh no I'm going to go THERE. Yeah so um... I feel like maybe I should be making a living wage? Hey, that would be cool. Maybe I should get at least like, ONE 15-20 minute food break on my "8 hour" overnight shifts? Maybe I should be getting healthcare (and maybe like what, 401k? Other kinds?) of benefits too, (what other kinds of benefits even exist? Dental? Vision?? Who the fuck has ever had their employer buy them glasses that sounds crazy!), esp considering I'm continuing to work my ass off while raw dogging it through venlafaxine withdrawals (lost my health insurance so fuck me I guess!!) and basically destroying my mental health, working anytime, all the time, full-time, with mandatory overtime--

That's only the tip of the goddamned iceberg, but enough, enough, I'm depressing myself too much to go on even just writing this.

Writing this is an exercise in acknowledging that it's all stuff that happened, not some nightmare. And had an effect on me. I had gotten so good at drugging and drinking myself to sleep, and ignoring, and ignoring,

I feel so trapped. I've been trying to like myself more, and there's a certain point that means you have to actually act on things like this, or else you... don't really like yourself that much, do you?

So, even though it is the most anxiety inducing thing ever, I have dipped my toes into "acting on it." To the extent that, recently, for the first time in my life, I've been willingly leaving jobs, friendships, and romantic relationships--if they feel like, if I told my therapist (who exists in my head, I can't afford one) about how they treat me, I can easily imagine them being like, "Wow okay so first of all, red flags all over the place!"

I've been doing this to my own detriment. I'm alone and stuck, unable to afford solo housing, or appropriate medication, or even food and other basic life necessities some of the time.

And here's the kicker.

I really, really don't want to die. In that sense, I'm not suicidal! But, I don't know how I'm supposed to keep existing like this without imploding or exploding in some way, though.

The worst part is just having no time, space, or resources to even start trying to heal. Nobody to even talk to safely... or, imo, ethically. I don't want to inflict this sadness and hopeless on some innocent bystander.

I'm sorry if you are the person reading this right now.

[iidigestive-readerii]

When you don't share popular opinion for fandom things and even though you write fanfiction and enjoy it... It doesn't take over every moment of your life? I do other things???

Apparently that's unacceptable 🙄 not writing every damn day or drawing or having head canons or liking books by certain authors or whatever. Ever heard of "death of the author?" Allowing writers and authors, actors and artists to be separated from their work, not be harassed about your stupid head canons and theories. A job is at the end of the day a job, they don't need to completely love it like you do. It's fine if they don't! It's fine if they do! Just stop!

This is why I stopped participating in community events beyond Tumblr - for Star Wars, for ATLA, especially for smaller ships like Obitine and Sukka. I hate the fucking gatekeeping.

I can't call myself a casual fan, but in comparison to some of these people I am.

I know I have unpopular opinions. I limit what I write because I know what the damn star wars fandom is like.

Do you want that repeated again??? I LIMIT WHAT I WRITE BECAUSE I KNOW HOW EASY IT IS TO BE OSTRACIZED.

I know how easy it is to be run out of the platform. Remember LilyWanKenobi? EwanMcGregorIsMyHomeBoy12? and countless others that have been run off these platforms and ostracized, forced to delete their works because of entitled a-holes! Just because I might not agree with someone's opinion, fandom or otherwise, does not mean they deserve to be bullied! To have their voices shut down!

So just shut the fuck up and realize that some of us just want to participate in fandom as a hobby! I'm only more involved in fandom recently because of my arm injury, but sometimes I wish I wasn't. God damnit, it's so frustrating.

Whatever. Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion. Maybe I'm just salty. Maybe just comment on a fic and reblog sometimes instead of picking things a part like vultures.

Anyways... 😪

- Diggy

[111raismess]

24/11 ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹

notes: i almost didnt do this. im learning to be more disciplinated yay.

rest day!! ( • ̀ω•́ )੭ ✧´-

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠂

selfcare:

did my skincare routine, im being really consistent with washing my face in the mornings!! really cool!!

i ate pretty nicely today, full meals and all, im not hungry at all!! cooked for me and bro today aswell.

showered, lotioned AND washed my hair, FINALLYY, i love having my hair freshly washed, best thing in the world, i wished i had more motivation to do it more often fufufu.

didnt drank water today or exercised, but its fine, ill get to it sometime this week, whos rushing me?

➽───────────────❥

daylife:

fell asleep hella late again (around 5, maybe 6 am), my sleep schedule is so screwed up.. kinda why im writing this at 2:35 am, damnit. atleast school is ending soon and im getting vacations soon, otherwise i think i may die.

didnt really cleaned my room today, i only made my bed, im also being pretty consistent with that, makes me happy and it makes me feel more organized and clean, love it.

i didnt do much today, i did leave the house to go to the store but i wont count it as leaving the house since its literally like atleast 10 minutes. i need to start moving my body and walking more but ehh lazy.

i didnt play the guitar today fufufu ˙◠˙

➽───────────────❥

emotionally/mentally:

well, i felt pretty alright today, normal, i didnt feel like shit for no reason like yesterday. i didnt feel like rotting and i didnt have to force myself to do things, hehe. it was a pretty chill day to be honest, normal. i talked with my bestie for a bit which made me feel alright, played a game i havent played in a while that entertained me and put me in a good mood despite it being the most stressfull thing ever. pretty nice day. well see how the week goes!!

whatever this is:

i almost didnt wrote this!! which would be dumb because im starting to like writing my day down and making it pretty, mades me feel at ease or something like that, the journal girlies were right.. (¬_¬")

anyway, i dont know what to put in here, i didnt really do much, didnt watch any series, or anything, spent most of the day on tiktok, twitter, tumblr, the usual stuff. THOO I WATCHED THE GAMEPLAY OF JAY OF MOUTHWASH, WHY THE HELL DID NO ONE CONVINCE ME TO WATCH THAT EARLIER?? COOLEST AND TWISTED GAME EVER, WHY THE HELL DID DAISUKE HAD TO DIEEEEE, AAAH I HATE jimmy AAAAAHHH.

song of the day:

uh idk, dont judge me, i just dont really know what to put since i dont think i listened to a especific song so much or a relatable one atleast. ive just been liking this one lately (·•᷄∩•᷅ )

[hanji-is-life]

Ok so-

Bakugou with a hair pulling kink but you discover it by accident

You two are in an argument and he turns to leave, but you’re like “you ain’t leaving we aren’t done here” but he doesn’t listen. So you grab him by the hair and yank him back hard and he just lets out a sinful moan And you both freeze

Now he’s 10 inches deep in your gut and begging for you to do it again

t-ten inches? 😳

I think I love it when he’s eating you out, and pulls away from your cunt, your slick and his spit still connecting his lips and chin to you. and he’s panting all hard from smothering himself in your scent and taste without taking a breather, but he manages a breathy,

“Pull my fucking hair, make that shit hurt,” before he dives right back in. all sloppy and loud, but he gets even worse when you take a handful of his hair and just pull to your hearts content. he’s leaving the bed with a few missing strands, but he doesn’t mind. the burning pain laced with pleasure in his scalp is enough to have him coming in his boxers in no time.

[halloiambored]

Random Snippet

CW: math… be warned.

“Ahhhhhhggggh.” BANG.

That… was strange, Villain thought, head cocking to one side. They thought the agency’s shining star lived alone?

“Mmmhmhmhm… fuck fuck fuck. What even is this?”

They did. Hero did live alone.

And no one else was here, Villain had made sure of it. So… ?

“Why?!”

At Hero’s particularly passionate exclamation, and a second loud thud, Villain rolled their eyes. Clearly, Hero was the crazy one between the two of them.

Granted — they were trespassing, but that was besides the point.

Not even a few seconds later, curiosity killed the cat, and Villain slammed open the door to Hero’s room.

“It’s nOT maT—”

“Hero—”

Their nemesis bolted upright, eyes wide and mouth agape. On reflex alone, Hero launched a pencil at Villain’s head.

Unfortunately, they missed, but watching Villain flinch away from the writing utensil was well worth it.

“The hell was that?!” Sighing, Hero slumped back into their normal relaxed pose - a glare already replacing the shock on their features.

“A pencil.”

“Well, duh.”

“Why are you in my house?”

Stepping closer to admire their surroundings, Villain ignored Hero’s comment entirely. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing that concerns you. Why are you in my house?! I just answered your question, it’s only fair—”

Huffing, Villain grinned. “When have I ever been fair?”

They continued advancing towards the desk on the far side of the room, forcing Hero to shy away from their current project. It did give them a much easier escape route, but well. What good is running if you have nowhere else to go?

“Hey! No. Why are you here, Villain?”

“I wanted to give you fair warning, is all. You have been especially difficult lately, and the way I see it, you have one of two optio— is this math?!”

“Uggh, no… well, technically yes, but no.”

Oh my.

“You were making all that noise over a math problem?”

“It’s not math!!”

“You’re a student?”

“Why do you care?”

Villain looked around the room again, this time paying much more attention to detail. Well, if the forest green banner was anything to go off of, Hero was a student. At the local college. Huh.

“You are—” it’s been a while since the criminal had smiled. Genuinely, smiled.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t even—”

“You did.”

“So—”

“It’s due tomorrow.”

Villain was full on laughing now, doubled over with a hand on the desk behind them. How many times had Hero missed a deadline?

“Last month, when I had you all chained up and useless for, how long did it take you to get out? Two weeks?”

Scowling, Hero knew exactly what Villain was referring to.

“Yeah, thanks for that. It’s not like I could explain to my professors, ‘Hey, I’m that hero everyone sees on the news. Sorry for missing your test, I was kidnapped.’ No, they all think I’m incompetent.”

“They’re not wrong—”

“One of them almost fucking failed me.”

Oh my god, it was too much. Wiping tears from their eyes, and cursing their aching stomach, Villain fought to regain their composure.

“Damn, then you’re not going to like what I am about to say.”

“Nno - no no no no,” Hero swung up an arm to try and delay the inevitable.

“Hhhmph, yes, but don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you, you’ll be fine. For the most part, at least.”

All at once, the humorous mood sank into something serious. Dangerous. Dear goodness, Hero did not like the sound of that.

It was easy to forget that Villain was… a villain. Even after the thinly veiled threat, it was hard to recognize the 22 year old idiot in their room as someone who tortures people (people like Hero) on the daily.

Damnit.

“Oh, don’t look so frightened, love. If you’re going to play hero, you have to deal with the consequences. So, which would you prefer? Will you come with me now, by your own free will?”

“Hell no—”

“Or will I have to drag you out of here myself?”

Mmmm. Such lovely options.

Eyes darting to the floor, Hero’s stomach dropped. This was bad. This was… Villain was in their house, for goodness sake.

All they could think to say was, “No.” Which was incredibly lame, but what else could they do about it? They just wanted to finish their assignment and go to bed. They wanted nothing to do with whatever… whatever this was.

With a great deal of effort, the crime fighter met Villain’s darkly amused gaze. “No?” they echoed, lips hung open in feigned offense.

“Please, I just—”

“My little Hero, you’ve gotten quite bold, so much so that I can’t let it continue unchecked. We both know that I will win this fight, and frankly, I see no reason why we have to do this the hard way.”

Yeah, the hard way was not ideal. Best to avoid any unnecessary pain while they still could.

Hero’s jaw clenched subconsciously, before relaxing along with their audible sigh. “Where are we going?”

[chaos-in-the-making]

NO BUT HEAR ME OUT THEY HAVE IT SET UP FOR A GLORIOUS SECOND SEASON AND I CAN PROVE IT JUST WATCH

Please forgive me even after 16 episodes I don't trust myself to spell everyone's names right so I'm going to stick with their last name.

SO OK SEASON ONE ENDED with Choi making that fated connection with Ryu, AND RYEON SAW IT AND IT IS VERY SWEET AND ALSO RYU KNOWS ABOUT THE GRIM REAPERS.

BUT when Choi woke up from his coma and started his new job, THE SEASON ENDED WITHOUT HIM MEETING RYU IN PERSON YET. So omg that can be the strong romantic development of season 2. And meanwhile, he can also be getting flashbacks of his time in Jumyeong and his work as a grim reaper and also he just HAPPENS to be in the right place at the right time again and again with high risk suicide strangers, and he keeps running into the RM team and is like ???? Are you guys stalking me?? SO YES THERE IS A LOT OF POTENTIAL THERE

And THEN!!! ON THE RM TEAM!!! Park asks the Director to be transferred, which is super weird at first because he has to take orders from Ryeon, AND OH BOY DOES SHE LORD IT OVER HIM WHEN SHE HAS TO MAKE A MANAGEMENT DECISION. But he is also STRUGGLING to empathize with the suicide cases because he has to get over his prejudice, but he connects with them in his own way, and he is VERY PROTECTIVE and the whole season can be his character development around that. Ryeon sometimes has to reign him in, and it is FULL OF DELIGHTFUL TENSION.

AND YES THEY WILL BE RECONNECTING THROUGHOUT THE SEASON. BC DAMNIT I NEED THEIR WOUNDS TO HEAL. I NEED THEM TO RELY ON EACH OTHER MORE AND REALIZE THAT EVEN THOUGH THEIR TIES ARE SEVERED THAT THEY HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER. AND I NEED PARK TO BE CONSTANTLY PROTECTING RYEON EVEN WHEN SHE TELLS HIM THAT SHE DOESNT NEED IT AND HE JUST FOLLOWS HER AROUND LIKE A LOVE SICK PUPPY AND I NEED A HOT AND STEAMY CONFESSION SCENE WHILE ON A CASE PLEASE.

But ALSO because they introduced this LOVELY Mr. Ha as the Devil or something or in charge of Hell, and GOD IS HE SEX INCARNATE and this little devious scheme of trying to force the Director to resign?? I AM HERE FOR IT. HE TRIES SEVERAL MORE TIMES TO TAKE OVER JOMYEUNG AND EVERY TIME THERES SOME "MISTAKE" THAT THE DIRECTOR HAS MADE BUT IT WORKS OUT IN THE END AND MR. HA GETS SENT BACK TO HELL EVERY TIME. And for bonus, Mr. Choi is almost ALWAYS the one to find the way to save the Director. Mr. Choi is the KEY TO EVERYTHING. I also need a teensy bit of homo feelings between him and Choi. BECAUSE WHAT COULD BE BETTER.

Come on, this shit writes itself. They set it up deliberately. I NEED THIS LIKE AIR PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KDRAMA GODS.

[lukestauntauns]

Telephone (pt.1)

  Warnings: Lots of angst, arguing, yelling, drinking, both reader and Taehyung being assholes to each other, mentions of jealousy, blatant ignoring, intoxicated reader, swearing, mentions of “betrayal” 

Pairings: college au! Taehyung x Reader 

Word count: 2.1K

Listen to: Telephone by Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNcvmwxoK2g

a/n : This is my first time ever writing a fic! I have been wanting to for awhile and this idea came to me while I was doing dishes and listening to this song.  I thought it was time to put my thoughts into writing. ( I think I am going to make this into a series) I hope you all enjoy it! 

You and Taehyung had been friends for as long as you could remember. You grew up as neighbors when you were kids and were forced to meet by the doings of your parents. Since then, you two have always been with each other, until you got to college. You two had been arguing constantly arguing over nothing. You had so desperately wanted back the relationship that you had with him, and not the overprotective needy boy he was being as of now.

“Why do you constantly keep bugging me?” you retort. “You still treat me as if I’m a child and can’t handle myself.” 

“You are childish,” Taehyung says bluntly. “All you do is go out and party and completely act like I don’t exist.” 

“I’m in college, Tae. Do you expect me to stay in the dorm all the fucking time?! I’m only here once and it took me fucking forever to get in my sorority and you know how much I wanted to be in it. Why do you keep acting like you have all of this power over me? It’s not like we are dating.” 

This hit him hard. He wanted you two to be together desperately, but he didn’t have a way of telling you. It was always the wrong time for him. You were never around because of your sorority and all of the events you hosted.

Little did he know that you wanted the same thing. He was just so needy that it was starting to irritate you. You are 21 years old and don't need to be babied anymore. 

“You know what,” you start, “I don’t want you to call me tonight, at all.” “I’m going to this party and don’t want to speak to you. I want to just have this one night to myself and my friends. This is our last one before semester exams, and I would greatly appreciate it if I could enjoy my evening.” 

You could see the resting anger on his face. He was not one to talk down upon. Instead he always had to be the bigger person. But this time was different. He seemed to have an angry look, but his eyes were large and doe-like wanting to say something else than what his face was demonstrating. 

“Fine.”

That’s it? Fine? 

These words stuck with you thinking that maybe he would actually listen for once and let you have a good time. 

An hour goes by and you decide that it’s time that you get ready and you pull out all of the stops. Tae always thought that you looked great in black as it complemented your skin well. 

Do I wanna be evil? you thought to yourself.

 “Yeah I think I do.”

You pull out this gorgeous short, black sequined cocktail dress. You haven’t worn this dress since your freshman year of college and decided that it was time to pull her out again. You knew that this would upset him and you were happy that it would. Was your initial intention to make him jealous? No. But were you very excited about the idea? Yes.

You finish off the look with heavy eyeliner and a bold red lip. Platforms to top it all off. Taehyung always had a thing for when you wore heels out, yet you could never decipher what it was. You were pretty good at reading people, but he was one of the harder ones. Of course you could understand his basic emotions, but when he was really thinking, you could never actually pinpoint what it was about. 

 “Where are you going?” Tae inquires.

“Out” you say. And with that, the door shuts.

Just left my dorm, ready to get some alcohol inside of me. 

You text your best friend Ally while you are walking to the car. The party is located at the other side of the university so you have quite a way to go. She was the one who insisted that we Ubered there considering you already knew that she was not going to be sober enough to drive us back. 

Tae has been on my ass for so long and we got into an argument. Told him I didn’t want him contacting me at all tonight. 

You knew that your best friend always thought that you would end up together one day, and she had even pushed for you two to start dating. You alway reassured her that nothing would come of it and that you had been friends for years now. 

You know it is going to happen at any point right Y/N? 

You weren’t even going to entertain the idea and just decided that you were going to talk to her once you got there.

You two both meet and make the drive to the party. Once you get there, all of what happened beforehand has started to melt away. You are greeted with copious amounts of alcohol and people looking like they were enjoying themselves.

“You want a drink?” your friend asks. 

“Is that even a question?” as you already have chugged one Whiteclaw and are onto your second one. 

You knew that you weren’t a lightweight and considering that the seltzers were practically soda, you knew that you weren’t getting shitfaced tonight. 

You and your best friend were having the time of your life. This was a much needed outing considering everything that has happened between you and Tae recently. The music was so loud your chest was pounding. The sight of people dancing and having fun was amazing until… 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” you sigh.

“Hello.” you say 

“It's late you should come home,” 

“Sorry I can’t hear you. I have no service,” you lied as you could hear him perfectly. You were just trying to avoid the fact that he was calling . 

The line cuts. 

You thought you just got out scott free. But even your friend knew that Taehyung was not that gullible. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

This call you decide to completely ignore his call because you are not going to let him hinder you from having a good time. But he keeps calling and calling. Your friend starts smirking like she knows what's going on. 

More time passes and so does the alcohol and you decide that it is time for you to check your phone. Right as you check your phone.. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“ Will you stop calling me! All you have done is call and call me. I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t want to talk anymore. Do you understand me? I need you to stop worrying about me.” 

And with that, you ended the call. 

“Damn Y/N, you didn’t have to be so mean about it.” 

“Ally you don’t understand. I have 35 missed calls from him and 86 text messages. He’s having a fucking psychotic break right now. I am a grown ass woman and I can take care of myself. He fucking told me that I was being childish today because I went out to our parties. I am so sick of him. He’s sitting at home calling me like a collector and I’m over it.” 

You continue to drink and have yourself a great time. You and Ally are dancing along with everyone else and really living it up one more time before you are crammed with studying and tests. She mentions the idea of you guys dancing with others. You are a little apprehensive about this. It’s not like you were dating Taehyung or anything, but wouldn’t that be wrong? It’s not like anyone was to record you or anything. Or so you thought. 

“Come on loser, it’ll be fun,” All says. 

*Incoming call from Taehyung*

“I’m going to say this once and only once. It’s not that I don’t like you, I’m just at a party and I’m getting really tired of my phone ringing. Do yourself a favor and stop calling me, please.” 

You can’t believe you said that. I mean yes you did like Taehyung, but you were wondering if he had taken it the wrong way. You wanted him to like you as well, but with the way that he has been acting lately, it doesn’t seem very plausible. If you really liked someone why would you constantly pester them and bombard them all the time. 

Another phone call ended and another round of drinks started. You said fuck it and decided to start dancing with others.  There’s no way that you should care about what Taehyung thinks. He’s not your father. You are allowed to do whatever you want. As you’re scouting who to dance on you pick a target that will for sure make him mad in the long run. His best friend, Jimin. Was this a little devious of you, yes, but did you care, absolutely not. You had had too much alcohol to start weighing in factors of the situation. 

Since the alcohol has already started to cloud your mind it also starts to take effect on your body and you start to slump when you walk. The whole not getting shitfaced thing didn’t exactly go to plan. One thing happened after another and there were just more shots and Whiteclaws to be drunk and you volunteered to do so. 

“We s..should make our way home,” your very drunk friend burps out. 

“God you are a mess,” you laugh “You do know that we have class in the morning? Your hangover is going to suck and you’re probably going to end up falling asleep in class.” 

You always had a knack for teasing her and she did the same. You didn’t have many girlfriends in college as a lot of them thought that your humor was offensive. Ally was the only person who had the same humor and more trauma that could be joked about. 

“Yeah, yeah I know. Thanks for coming out Y/N. I had a lot of fun and now I’m about to crash. Have fun with your boyfriend,” Ally yells. 

You proceed to flip her off and prepare for the tredge forward back to your dorm just hoping that Taehyung was asleep and you could just go to bed without anything happening. You have already taken off your platforms so that you prevent yourself from stomping in. You reach for the door and to your surprise it’s unlocked. That had set off a red flag because Tae would never leave the door unlocked. You walk inside only to find Tae on the couch waiting for you. 

Damnit 

“Why were you out for so long? Why do you smell like alcohol? How come your shoes are off?”

Taehyung would just not stop the questions before you could even get a breath out. You had barely been home five minutes and he was just demanding answers for his questions.

 “You know what Tae,” you say calmly, “I don’t really feel like playing your games and answering your questions. Yes, I had some drinks and my head hurts and I would like to go lay my head down if that’s okay with you considering I need to ask for your permission before I do fucking anything.” 

You could tell that that hit him hard. He knew that he was being extra needy lately, but with no explanation. This isn’t like him. But he wanted your attention so badly, but the attention that he ended up getting from you was always negative. This was the polar opposite of what he wanted. He was pushing you away rather than pulling you towards him. He thought that by asking questions and showing he cared, it would make him look like he was really looking out for you. Instead it backfired. 

“My head is going to explode,” you say aloud. 

You knew it wasn’t a good idea to just keep drinking. But with the constant nagging from Taehyung, you needed to take your mind off of the argument and your closest coping mechanism  was alcohol. You didn’t think it would all hit you at once. 

You proceed to strip from your party clothes and make your way into a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.  You try your best to hobble to the bathroom to take off your makeup. Once that’s done, you make your way back to your bed, take ibuprofen, and head to bed, thinking about Taehyung. 

[devilrainbunnie]

_ anthurum pt 3 ._

tomura shigaraki x reader

1/2/X

a/n: i was listening to i love you by billie eilish while writing this, i think it fits it pretty well. i recommend to listen to it while reading

cw; anxiety trigger, toxic relationships, manipulation, reader fuckin with giran now aye B)

You reached the top floor, knees nearly buckling under your weight as you anxiously waited for the elevator doors to open. Please, please don’t let him be up here, you silently prayed to yourself. At this point your heart was beating so fast it felt like it was trying to burst out of your chest. You didn’t expect to see him so soon-- more like never again. 

Soon the elevator stopped. It clicked into place as the doors began to slide open. You cautiously stood in the back of the small metal box, launching yourself out to look around the lobby. The sound of pounding foot steps was growing closer however. Carefully you decided to try to run for the door that was only a few meters away. Cursing yourself for wearing those stupid high heels, which made it almost impossible to move around. The screech of an old metal door opening made you jump. “Y/n p-please!” he called after you, you turned to see his panicked, and crazed face. He ran straight at you, giving you no time to dodge his attack. Crashing full force against you, his body caging you into the corner by the door. You struggled against his tight hold, wiggling, whimpering, and growling as you tried to climb your way out of his grasp.

“Shigaraki, p-please!” you choked out, turning your face away from his.

“Stop! I just want to talk to you! S-Stop fighting me!” he begged you, his voice cracking as he stood his ground. It was prevalent to you that he was crying. He never got that upset around you, only a few times. Any time he cried, he couldn’t calm down for hours. He’d sometimes completely shut down, his hands clawing at his face and neck, screaming into the air. 

“I-I can’t do this right now...”

“Please-- I just- I can’t leave you right now. Please. Please don’t go. Please, p-please don’t go. Please... not again. Please...” he sobbed harshly, you looked up to his face. Seeing the tears streaming down the sides of his face. You noticed how his neck was rubbed completely raw, and there were even scratches on his face. He got bad again, and there was no one there to stop it from happening. At that moment, you knew that it was going to get bad unless you calmed him down. His breath was heaving, and his face was a wet mess. Tomura was whimpering any time you moved. 

You felt like he deserved to feel so terrible, after all, he broke you. He made you cry, he fucking cheated on you. But at the same time, all you wanted to do was hold him close to you, and kiss his head. In an attempt to calm him, you snaked your arms from your side up to his face. Softly cupping his cheeks in your hands, salty tears coating your palms. “Okay. Okay. Please, breathe.” you soothed, rubbing soft circles into his cheekbones. Tears continued to fall, but his breathing soon became regulated, and he was calm enough to talk to you. He must’ve gotten himself worked up, you assumed.

He always was bad with coping, if something deeply affected him, he hyper-fixated on it. It never left his thoughts, and he stressed himself to death over it. Tomura was never good with coping correctly. If he really was upset about you leaving him, this reaction was probably to be expected. But you honestly thought he wouldn’t care, or at least barely notice. Before you left, he didn’t care about you in the slightest. Your presence was enough to make him annoyed. He made you feel small. Unwanted. Yet here you were, coddling him. That’s when you recognized the same routine with him. He fucks up, he hurts you, and then you end up being the one who has to fix him afterwards. Every. Single. Time. 

“I... I’m sorry Y/n.” he pleaded, your hands still cupping his face in a way to calm him. “Don’t leave me again, please.” he begged. Putting his hands on top of yours, his tear filled eyes looking into yours.

We’ve been here before, Tomura.

...

“GAH! You fucking bitch! What the fuck?!” he snapped at you, you came in and kissed his cheek, asked him what he was up to, and accidentally knocked off his headset, which caused him to lose focus. You didn’t intend to, you assumed he was just listening to music through them like he often did, because you didn’t hear him talking.

“Tomura, I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t know you were doing something, please--” your heart began to pick up its pace. Flying off of his body. You had interrupted an online game of his, causing him to lose a match that was incredibly important to him and his teammates he often played with. He worked so hard to get to that point, all just for you to come in and distract him while he needed to pay attention the most. He was fuming, his vermillion eyes wide with rage.

“Shut the fuck up! You fucking ruined everything, you fucking idiot! I worked so goddamn hard to get to this point and you just had to come in and fuck it up like you always do! Is that all you know how to do?! Ruin everything?!” he snapped, throwing his headset to the hard wooden floors beneath the two of you.

“I-I didn’t--”

“You don’t mean to do a lot of things and you still fuck up! You’re pissing me off, just shut up and fuck off. Fucking useless.” he snarled, picking his headset off the floor to put back on his head, and sitting down. 

You loudly sobbed as you turned on your heel, walking out of the door and slamming it behind you. Tears pouring out of your e/c eyes as you wondered down the hallway to your room. Fumbling with the door handle, but quickly opening it, locking it behind you and crumbling into your bedsheets. Burrowing your face into your sheets as you released the feeling in your chest. Tomura wasn’t mean to you all that often, but when he was, he knew just how to break you down and make you cry the entire day without hesitation. You didn’t understand why he got so aggressive with you sometimes, even if you messed up and it wasn’t intentional. Sadly, you spent the rest of the day in your room letting yourself cry the pain away, but soon enough you stopped. Enveloping yourself into your bedsheets as you stared at the empty walls in your room. Thinking mindless thoughts, and going over the answers you already knew. 

Soon you drifted unconsciousness, only to be woken up by a sobbing Tomura. He loomed over your figure as he sobbed, scratching at his neck. Muttering things you couldn’t exactly understand. In a half conscious state, you sat up in your bed confused. Not even thinking about what had happened earlier.

“Tomu? Baby, what’s wrong?” you spoke softly to him, reaching your arms out to him.

“I’m-I’m sorry, I’m such a dick. I hurt you. I hate myself.” he sobbed into your chest as you held him close, raking through his periwinkle locks, and kissing his temple. “Please, please don’t leave me. Don’t go. Pl-please don’t go. Don’t leave m-me.” he said in between broke cries, hiccupping as well.

“I’m here. Right here. I love you, so much.” you whispered into his hair. He tensed up, but didn’t respond. Just continued to sob until he calmed down, slept in your room as you smothered him with soft kisses, and your arms around his body. Just like you had many times before that, and after that. 

...

Here you were, for the millionth fucking time it felt like. He hurt you, made you cry, and instead of properly apologizing, he expected you to coddle him. No more would you deal with that behavior of his, it wasn’t fair to you. He expected you to be his, love him, and care for him, when he hardly ever returned it. This will be the last time, you reminded yourself. Dropping your hands from his face. Ready to finally speak your truth to him, no matter how he would take it, you knew he needed to finally understand. To stop being so selfish.

“We-- I, I can’t keep doing this with you, Tomura. I can’t. Can you please listen to me for a second?” you pleaded, looking into his eyes for reassurance. He sniffled, and silently nodded, as a way to let you go on. “I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t keep letting you hurt me, and then I have to be the one to make sure you’re okay, when you hurt me. Every time. I can’t do that, I need someone who is there for me just as much as I am for them. You... You fucking-- you fucking cheated on me for crying out loud! You were having sex with someone else, telling someone else you fucking loved them so easily when it took me a year to get you to say it to me more than once. I was begging you to love me, and you treated me like a burden! I wanted to die! I can’t... I can’t be with you anymore- ever again. I need you to understand that. You really, really fucking hurt me. I left everything behind, for a reason. I didn’t want to, and still don’t want to come back Tomura. I left you, and you need to let me stay gone.” you finished. Finally looking back into his face. He looked devastated, broken. His bottom lip was sucked between his teeth.

“I love you, though... I-I always have I’m-- fucking god damnit!” he snapped, letting a pained noise slip past his lips. “I-I can’t do this without you. Please. One more chance Y/n. Please. I would fucking kill everything in the world for you. You are everything to me. Please.”

“Did you still love me when you were balls deep in miss fire crotch and telling her that you loved her?” you retorted. You knew it was a bad idea to challenge him, but his pathetic attempt to guilt you back into a relationship was upsetting you.

“Yes.”

“Don’t lie to me Tomura. I’m so sick of you lying,”

“I’m not lying! I’m-I’m not lying stop!” he sobbed, his bottom teeth chittering behind the mop of his hair clouding his face.

“I’ve given you too many chances already, I only can take so much. I care about you, but I will never be with you again in this lifetime. I need you to leave, please.” you enforced. Just wanting him to go away already, and let you cry to yourself now.

“I can’t, please don’t do this.”

“Leave. Get off of me Tomura, I’m serious. Leave.” you growled at him, trying to push him off of you. He was hesitant, and still at first, not letting you move. He muttered something under his breath, which you didn’t catch so you raised your eyebrow at him. He looked into your eyes like he was trying to commit your face to memory, reaching out to feel your skin under his touch. “One last time, please. Just please.” he said quietly, his voice crackling. You were confused, but nodded. Not sure what his next move was going to be. He placed your face in his hands, his hands for a moment just holding you. He was admiring every detail, before moving down to your level. Placing his rough, chapped lips on top of yours. Sealing your final good bye with a kiss, like a pact. 

He snaked his hands to the back of your head to hold you in place. Tears leaking on to your cheeks, his staggered breath against your face as his lips contained within yours. They fit like a perfect mold like they always had, you didn’t want him to let go. It suddenly hit you how finalized this all was, this was really the last time. You kissed him back with fury, as if you could melt your faces together. Stay in the moment forever. It was a passionate, soft kiss. The bitter-sweetness leaving a horrid taste in your mouth but you still, held on to it.

“In another life, Y/n. I will make you the happiest girl in the entire world.” he muttered. Pulling back in to kiss your lips one last time before dropping his hold. Stepping away from your form slowly, looking at you as you were stunned into place. The river streaming out of your eyes not yet noticeable to you. He patted the top of your head like he used to often, smiling a small crooked, heartbroken grin at you. As to say ‘I don’t want to walk away, but I will’. “I love you.” he whispered. You mouthed it back to him, words unable to leave your lips. He turned on his heel, and stepped out of the door you previously tried to leave through.

His words hit you like a ton of bricks as you collapsed to your knees. Holding your arms to your chest, and letting out a loud, painful sob. One that was more aching than you had ever felt. Your eyes shut so tight you were sure they’d struggle to open. Your heart was sawed in half, you didn’t even care that you were in a public space. Even though no one was around. In the middle of the lobby, you let yourself break in half. Alone, and away from Tomura. You left him already, it’s been over a month and you thought you were over it. So why were you crying? You felt pathetic, and weak. You wanted to curl up and die. You wanted to run out of those doors, find Tomura again, tackle him to the ground and smother him with kisses. You wanted to run up to Giran’s office and have him hold you. But you settled for what you were already doing, sobbing by yourself.

After a long while of sobbing. Footsteps slowly approached you, as your hands were covering the sides of your head. They stopped in front of you, kneeling down to your length. A hand with gold rings reached into view. Clasping a hand around your wrist. “Oh dollface, you sweet, sweet thing. I’m so sorry ‘bout that sweetheart, I had no idea he was comin’ in today, just kinda showed up outta nowhere. Let it out baby. C’mere, I’ll take care of you.” Giran had a sympathetic look on plastered on his face, you leaped into his hold. He wrapped his arms around you, rubbing soothing circles into your back as you wailed in his hold. 

You both stayed like that until you calmed, he put his hands on the side of your face so you were looking at him once your tears had dried.

“Let’s go home.”

---

You felt alone most of the night, unable to sleep. Painful thoughts corrupting your mind as your eyes tried to drift to the next morning. You sat up in bed, rubbing your face and groaning, feeling your puffy red eyes burning as they adjusted to the small amount of light in the bedroom. Positioning yourself to stand, and make yourself a glass of water. Walking straight into the kitchen, to see Giran still awake. He had a glass of what appeared to be a dark alcohol in his hands as he leaned against the sink in the kitchen. He stood wearing plaid pajama bottoms, and a white tank top, glasses long forgotten about somewhere in his things. Eyes closed and seemingly lost in his thoughts as he swirled the liquid in his glass. He didn’t notice your presence as you stood right outside the doorway, he turned to look out of the small window right above the sink, like he was searching for something out in the yard. A light above his head fully illuminating his features, you smiled at his natural attractiveness. 

“Can’t sleep either?” he called to you. When the hell did he notice me standing here? You thought to yourself.

“No, not at all. My mind is just--jumbled.” you admitted, walking your way over to him. He turned again to face you. Setting his glass down on the counter.

“Can I tell you somethin’?”

“What’s up?’ you replied a bit anxiously.

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” he said calmly, stepping towards you a bit. Grabbing your hands in his, you felt your face heat up at his words. “And no one has ever treated you like you deserve to be treated. Do you know how much of a true gem you are doll? You’re like a diamond inside of a sack of coal.”

“Kagero, are you trying to butter me up for something?” you teased, cracking a wide smile.

“There it is-- that bright, beautiful smile of yours. I’ve missed it all day.” he squeezed your hand. “But of course I am. You know doll, I would give you the world and more if you asked for it.” he beamed at you.

“If I just asked? You’re too cheap.” you rolled your eyes, but returning to look into his.

“Whenever you’re ready, let me give it to you. I hate to be so forward at a time like this, and it might be my buzz talkin’, but... you are worth the wait. So fuckin’ worth it, even though I’m some ugly old man who probably doesn’t even actually have even the slightest chance I jus--” you cut him off mid sentence, pressing a soft kiss against his lips in a way to silence him and reassure him. He tensed up before pulling you by the back of your head to deepen the kiss. Sending a plethora of emotions coursing through your veins.

You both reluctantly pulled away, before you decided to speak again. “You’re not ugly, shut up with that talk. And... I’ll let you know, my heart is still healing. You sure you want to wait?”

“I could wait forever for you doll.”

^^^

As time went on, the plants in your apartment you had abandoned were returning to life. Tomura never took care of them the entire time he resided in there, but he noticed their health improving. His apartment was a pig sty, but with the support of Spinner and Twice, he’s been able to maintain it as much as he could. His surgery was in the next week, he was nervous and he wished you were here holding him through this.

He wondered how you were doing, if you were happy, and safe. If things were going better for you, if you were falling in love with someone else, yourself or both. More often than not, he missed you. Talked about you constantly. You were almost an old myth at this point to tell to new members. Tomura smiled for the first time in a while at the thought of you. Pausing outside his apartment door before unlocking it to relax for the evening. As he unlocked the door, he flipped on the light switch. Making his way over to the couch where he’d reside for the night playing video games, and eventually fall asleep. He stopped before he reached it to look over at your plant. Noticing how your anthurium plant had grown another flower, the old flower that resided in it finally wilted and fell on the floor infront of his feet. “You’re blossoming Y/n. I’m proud of you.” he whispered. 

A part of you would always be with him, and watching over him.

[your-eternal-muse]

I Watch Your Eyes

Heather Series Part Three

Part One  Part Two

Summery: Reader isn’t one for parties. What happens at one solidifies that for her.

Words: 1.7k (they’re getting longer folks, just you wait)

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of vomiting, description of breakdown, swearing, ANGST

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Heather, Spencer Reid x eventual Female!Reader, Platonic!JJ x Platonic!Reader

A/N: Y’all......it hurt to write this. I broke my own damn heart, which hopefully means it’s good. Also, Heather needs a last name and I just can’t bring it in me to think of one. Suggestions? Anyway, Tag List is open! Enjoy this painful chapter!

I’ve never been one for parties.

Small get-togethers at Rossi’s with the team, that’s different.

That’s family.

But wearing a cocktail dress and being around people I didn’t even know worked in the department? Sucks ass.

So, why am I here again?

Oh yeah.

I have to be here. Hotch’s orders.

I have to smile and exchange pleasantries and sip more champagne than I’d like to admit to.

But mostly, because Spencer asked me to be,

“Please? I just really want you there. I’m planning something, and I’d really like my best friend there.”

I have no backbone.

 I caved as soon as he said please.

I don’t know what he’s planning. I don’t even know what he's thinking half the time.

I used to know him like the back of my hand.

No, I don’t think I even know myself.

But here I stand, around a table, sipping on champagne, not really listening to the conversation the girls are having around me, wishing I was anywhere else but in this banquet hall, watching him twirl her around in her pretty pink dress.

“Y/nnnn…” A sing-song voice hits my ears and a hand waves in front of my face.

I blink, coming back to the present. “Yeah? What were we talking about?”

JJ laughs. “Where are you tonight? You’ve been staring off into space for the past 15 minutes.”

I scoff, shifting my weight on my feet. 

Stupid, fucking heels.

“No, I haven’t. I’ve just been….admiring Heather's dress.”

All their eyes turn to look, and they hum in agreement.

A beautiful rose gown adorns her body, flaring at the waist, flowing around her as she spins.

I’m sure Spencer is the one who bought it for her.

She was the center of attention tonight, though I’m sure she’s used to it at this point in her life.

“She’s gorgeous.” Emily says, swaying her head slightly to the music.

I’m sure she’s fully aware of that, Emily.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy.” Penelope smiles, gazing happily at them. 

JJ glances at me, a soft look in her eyes.

I can’t help but agree.

He’s glowing.

His eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them.

I don’t think he’s stopped smiling since he met her.

You’d never make him that happy.

I down the rest of my champagne.

“Well, watching them dance makes me want to, so I’m off to search for my knight in shining armour. I’ll see you all later, my loves.” Penelope blows a kiss, before she leaves in search of Derek, and I watch as the song ends, and they exchange a kiss before Heather walks back over to her table, and he makes his way towards us.

“I didn’t take you as someone who danced, Spence.” Emily questions, taking a drink from her own glass.

He laughs, adjusting his tie and running a hand through his hair. “She convinced me.” He wipes his palms on his pants.

“You okay there Spencer? You seem nervous.” JJ speaks with a chuckle in her voice. 

If only I could be so light hearted.

“I will be.” He turns, smiling at me. “Thanks for coming tonight. It means a lot to me that you’re here.”

I reach up and straighten his tie, smoothing down his jacket, smiling up at him genuinely for the first time in what feels like years.

Huh.

I guess it has been a little over a year since I met Heather.

“Anything for you Spence.”

“I missed that smile.”

You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?

I can’t help the blush that spreads across my cheeks. I don’t know how to respond to that, so I simply don’t say anything. 

He doesn’t seem to notice.

He takes a deep breath. “Wish me luck.”

I roll my eyes, and chuckle. “Good luck with whatever it is you’re planning.”

“It’s a surprise. For everyone.”

I see him swallow and take a final deep breath before he walks away, back towards his table where Heather stands, charming the people around her.

The wheels begin to turn in my head.

“What do you think he’s on about?” Emily asks, laughter lacing her words.

I watch as he stands next to her, grabbing her hands to hold them within his own.

“Who knows what goes on inside his head nowadays.” 

I can feel JJ staring at me, but I can’t take my eyes off the scene playing out in front of me.

They exchange a few words, and then he’s on his knee,holding out something for her.

Her hands cover her mouth.

No...

“Oh my god.” 

Emily and JJ follow my line of sight and I can hear happy gasps as Heather exclaims “Yes! Yes I will marry you!” for the world to hear.

The hall erupts into cheers and applause and I. Can’t. Breath.

“Y/n? Are you okay? You look like you’re about to be sick.” JJ’s voice is soft, and motherly.

I wish someone would scream at me.

“I’m fine. Just too much champagne. I’ll be right back, promise.”

The words don’t even register before I’m walking away from the happy moment.

Their happy moment.

I barely make it out of the hall before I burst into tears, a hand clasps over my mouth to keep the sobs and bile back.

I run down the hallway, slamming into the bathroom, rushing into a stall where I promptly empty my stomach of tonight.

This is it. There’s no chance anymore You missed it. And now you have to live with the fact that he will never love you like her loves her. It’s your fault you feel this way, and no one else's. Your fault.

I reach up and flush, falling to sit on the floor and lean against the wall of the stall.

I hold my arm over my mouth, trying to swallow down the sobs that threaten to echo throughout the building.

The door opens, and heels click to stand in front of my stall.

“Y/N?”

It’s JJ.

Her voice is laced with concern.

I try to take a deep, quiet breath, but it comes out shuddery.

Fake it ‘till you make it, right?

“I’ll be right out, JJ, just needed a minute. Go join the celebration.” My voice cracks at the end and I want to hit myself.

She’s quiet for a moment.

“I know, y/n. Please open the door.”

God fucking damnit.

I sniffle, reaching up to slide the latch over, before pushing it open.

She sits down next to me, and without asking, pulls me into her arms.

I let go.

I curl myself into her, and sob.

Sob for the what if’s and could have beens, for the future I saw between us, for the chances I should have taken but didn’t, for the fact that Spencer Reid deserves someone so much better for a best friend.

She rubs my back and holds me close until the sobs have subsided.

“How did you know?” My words are wet.

“It’s the way you look at him. Like he’s your entire world. Like you would do anything for him.” She brushes some hair out of my eyes, and swipes away some of the tears that are still falling down my face.

“It’s the way he used to look at me.” 

Her smile is sad, and her eyes are distant.

“Does anyone else know?” That’s the last thing I need. For everyone to figure out my secret, to look at me like I’m a child who’s upset they can’t get what they wanted.

She shakes her head.

“No, not that I know of.”

Good to know my acting skills are solid.

I nod, standing up and walking over to the sink.

My eyes are red and puffy. Streaks are run through my foundation, and mascara coats my cheeks.

There’s no salvaging this.

JJ sets her purse down on the counter, digging through it until she pulls out a small pack of makeup wipes.

“I always end up taking off my makeup before I leave these things anyway.”

She hands one to me, and the small smile on my face isn’t forced.

“Thank you.”

She smiles back, and we both turn to the mirror, wiping off the evenings makeup and any signs of breakdown.

My eyes are still puffy, but I can blame that on getting sick.

She hands me a container of mints, and I open it, popping one into my mouth before closing it, and returning it to her.

The air is quiet between us.

“I was planning on telling him. The day I met her, I was going to tell him.”

I bite my lip to hold back more tears.

“I love him, JJ. I love him so much, and he’s never gonna love me the same way. How do I go on, living my life like it never happened?”

I’m cold. 

My chest feels hollow and heavy at the same time.

“I don’t know. I wish I did, but I don’t.” She grabs my hand, holding it between hers. “But I do know that you’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to bare the weight of it alone anymore.”

I nod, pulling her in for a hug, my arms around her waist, my face in her neck.

A home hug.

“Thank you, Jennifer.”

I feel her breath hitch.

She kisses the side of my head. “You’re welcome, y/n.”

We break, and I wipe away a few straggling tears before standing straight, and shoving a smile on my face.

She walks out first, and I follow, trying to look as okay as you can after having a breakdown on a bathroom floor.

We make our way back to our table, and I see JJ shoot a glance at Emily that tells her not to ask questions.

Spencer and Heather are standing in the middle of the hall, glasses of champagne in hand.

He has an arm wrapped around her waist, and he keeps glancing down at her. 

For a moment, his eyes scan the crowd, and when they land on mine, his smile grows.

He raises his glass, and I raise my empty one.

He laughs.

My hands shake as I set my glass down and he goes back to the conversation around him.

Another glance down at her, a kiss placed on her temple.

I down the rest of JJ’s drink when she’s not looking.

God, I fucking hate parties.

Permanent Tag List:  @criminalcow @pinkdiamond1016 @eternityofaxiom @you-had-me-at-hello-dear @marvels-gurl @theamuz @write-from-the-heart @sungieeeeeee @mjloveskids666 @chococeral @itzsoff @gia-kerks @doctorspencereid @imsuperawkward @andreasworlsboring101

Heather Tag List: @drsoftboyreid​ @lindaze​ @urie-bowie-mercury​ @racerparker​ @avaholcombe​ @rodgertayloroof @stephanieisgay330​ @swiftspaperings​ @rainsong01​ @darthseph​ @liaabsurd​ @tracyn910​ @kxllyxnnx @holypicklelightnickel​

[hitomishiga]

God i say this every time but the last time i had to do an entire assignment in a night, and the time before that, etc, i said, there's definitely something wrong with my brain here, i should get some help, or at least organise my life so i can actually do more than just tread water, and, yet, here we are,

[mega-bastard]

i was kidnapped by shiratorizawa ?!?!?!?!

this was painful to write, but like a masochist I did it anyway. this is my part of the the first Whorehouse Collab, located here. Finally getting back into writing fanfics since like 2015, this was oddly therapeutic.

I wrote this under the influence of magic grass after binging several wattpad fics, enjoy at your own risk-- by which I mean laugh alongside me LMAO

The ending is sososo rushed, in true wattpad fashion <3 this was 1.3K words of nonsense

When I woke up today, I didn’t think I’d end up in such a bind— bindings to be more specific. I’m just your average little miss no one, another everyday student easily lost in the in the crowd. Wearing glasses and being like super shy does that to u, yknow?

Now, blindfolded and tied up, I can’t help but wonder just how someone so unnoticeable had gotten snatched up so suddenly— perhaps that was had why you were taken (insert Liam neeson voice: I will find you, and I will kill you hehe >:3). Now, with the full throb in my head beginning to subside— I started to recount what had bringed me into such s predicament

~ rewind to earlier in the day ~

I’d only just waked up when I received a text from my best friend mina (bnha wink wonk) gushing about or schools volleyball match— to say she was crazy in love aoba Joshuas volleyball team would be selling it crazily underwhelmed. Especially their captain, oikawa tooru ! Most of our school did, but I was really observant of the people around me— he gives me weird vibes, like he puts on an act or something. But still, I keep that thoght to myself so no one comes for me. Seriously, he’s got fans like a Kpop star (a/n haha stan bts for clear skin uwu)

Either way, her dragging me to a volleyball game is nothing new— and as she’s blowing my messages up like the world is ending I know  what to expect this coming afternoon. What a pain, I had planned on watching naruto when I got home today :(

There was no telling Mina no, so when we enviably met to walk to school I was well aware I’d be attending the volleyball match today. Boring, but I’d manage— I don’t care much for sports but sweaty and muscley men are finer than fine, I’d at least have spank bank material hehe (a/n not to whore on main buuuuuut ;3).

The day flew by and suddenly I found my self seated on the stands, waiting for the game to begin. Mina was chatting away, so when the urge to go to the bathroom came I simply got up and left— I wouldn’t get a word in edgewise, everyone always runs at the mouth and I can never get a word in as a result.

Not paying attention on my way to the bathroom, I suddenly shivered— feeling watched. I looked up from staring at the floor and was brought face to face with...the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Team ?!?! At the head was the tank of a captain, japans number one ace Ushijima Wakayoshi (a/n a whole snack yumyum) was indomitable and a scary man to be faced with. Ushijima was still as fierce as ever; I say that because we’d gone to middle school together— we never spoke or anything like that but we’d been in the same classes. He scrutinized my small form with impassive olive eyes, I felt rooted in place at such a state.

I shook myself from my little reverie and quickly scurried off, heart beating a mile a minute. “ just find the bathroom and head back to Mina “ I murmured to myself, finally finding the bathroom after rounding a corner. The feeling of being watched finally lifting.

After using the bathroom and began to head back, I could hear someone...singing something? I began to head towards it out of curiosity, peeking around a corner to see a tall red haired guy and a grey haired guy— they were wearing the same uniform so they must also be a part of the team as well! Lost in my thoughts, I was only briefly able to dick away before the red haired guy turned around to where I was peeking.

Ok seriously, let’s head back ‘ I thought before scurrying back to Mina— who grilled me on my absence before becoming entranced in the starting game. I stayed on my phone for the most part, reading one direction fanfic— with the phone screen down waaay low (a/n who else has done this before ???). Id peek every now and again to watch, at one point catching the eye of the tall red head— a chill ran down my spin at his impish smile that I looked away immediately.

He was...cute. In a scary way.

A sudden hush flew across the crowd and I looked up in time to see oikawas serve hit clean across the net, received by some guy with brown hair before being set by some twat with shitty hair (a/n shirabus a twat, their I said it >:/) before the ball was spiked back with a force unmatched.

That was Match point. Shiratorizawa wins.

The air is oppressive, oikawas fan girls— mina included, are wailing. That’s my cue to exit, bidding a mina goodbye I began my way down the hail, the rush of the court fading into background.

Then suddenly, rushing feet and the crack of something hard against my skull.

Darkness consumed me.

~ back to the present ~

Now back to the hear and now, I hear murmerings-- voices I don’t recognize. I try to listen, try to focus in on their voices but I can’t as the throbbing in my skull takes my focus away. A whimper escapes me, and a silence sweeps across wherever I am like a breeze-- it’s scary.

“haha, is she awake?” it’s the sing=songy voice from before-- the red head probably then? I know I needed to say something, anything, but I was still to disoriented. The sound of shoes nearing me immeadiatly set me off, beginning to wiggle and move before I was held still vision suddenly assaulted with brightness as my blindfold is redmoved.

Standing before, me in all their glory, is the Shiratorizawa volleyball team??

It looks like I’m being held in...an empty dorm room? I’m trying to gather my bearings and cannot figure what to possibly ay before being yanked up harshly from a laying position. It’s the red head holding me up, wicked smile and everything as he crouches in front of me before opening his mouth.

“ You belong to us now, got it~” his voice is too cheery given the words he’s just said to me (a/n tendou owns my heart and soul <3333 ), and only now does my voice find me. “ B-but w-why m-m-me ? You c-can’t j-just do t-that, please just let me g-g-g-g-g-g-go !” by the time I finish blubbering, theres tears streaming down my cheeks like rushing rivers. Through my lashes, I look pitifully around at everyone-- landing on an umcomfortble looking kid with a bowl cut, but he looks away as soon as i stare up at him.

no, no ,no nononono no ones going to help me. the tears fall puddle on the floor, only growing in speed when ushijima speaks. “ You’ll be transfering here, become our manager, and be staying in this dorm room-- it’s already been settled” (a/n idk I’d be p happy to be shiratorizawa’s manager uwu) his voice is deep and leaves no room for any back talk, but my stomach drops at his next sentence “Semi, put it on her’ my head whips up, starring doe eyed at the grey haired guy from before as he approaches with...IS THAT A COLLAR AND LEASH??? (a/n insert debby ryan face)

my face heats up, embarrassed and ashamed at the idea of being collared like an animal. I try to wiggle away, annoying Semi, “Tendou hold her still damnit!” at that Tendou-- the red head, grips my face with one hand to keep me still, gripping it hard enough that hes smushing my cheeks (a/n tendou, t e n d o u, loml, how I cherish thee) . He mutters a quiet cute, so faint I think I’m hearing things, before the tightening of the collar breaks me from that train of thought. With that done, I’m released, falling to my hands and knees staring up at the entire team now gathered before me.

A tug on the leash tugs me forward without much effort, and the tears spring up once more at the humiliation. 

“This is gonna be fun~”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok so I hoped you guys loved it <3 I’ll try my best to get out weekly updates, next chap I’m thinking I either focus on how ushijima and reader-chan actually do know eachother, shirabu and semi fiighting of reader-chans attention, or maybe tendou and reader-chan getting into trouble while draggin goshiki into it! SOund off in the comments and let me know what you think ?? anyway love you guys sm <33333