#I am capable and I am resilient and I'm always growing

[aggressive-almond-cookie]

There are days when I wish my memory would be wiped just so I could play octo expansion for the first time again.

[theambitiouswoman]

50 Self Love Affirmations 💗🥰💞💫

I love myself and deserve happiness.

I radiate confidence and positivity from within.

I'm special and I'm proud to be different.

Good things naturally come to me because I'm worthy.

I love myself no matter what others think.

I am enough, exactly as I am, without needing to prove myself.

I treat myself with kindness and speak to myself with compassion.

I control my thoughts and choose to be happy.

I take care of myself every day because I'm important.

I say goodbye to bad feelings and welcome joy.

I forgive myself for mistakes and learn from them.

I treat my body well because it's important.

I create my future full of love and good things.

I make friends and meet nice people.

I deserve love and respect from others.

I'm always getting better and that's cool.

I trust myself and feel good about my choices.

I'm not stuck in the past; I make my own future.

My self-love helps me deal with problems.

I honor my boundaries and stand up for my needs.

I look and feel great inside and out.

I'm thankful for good things and love around me.

I'm confident and believe in myself.

I accept compliments and love from others.

I'm valuable no matter what happens around me.

I attract good stuff and chances in my life.

I take care of myself and rest when needed.

I focus on myself, not what others are doing.

I am resilient and capable of handling whatever comes my way.

I'm deserving of success and take steps to get there.

I talk nice to myself and use good words.

I am my own best friend, and I treat myself with kindness.

I'm a shining light and inspire others.

I'm not hard on myself or others.

I'm nice to myself and treat me well.

I trust my gut and make smart choices.

I'm full of love and share it with others.

I am constantly learning and growing, embracing change with grace.

I release all negative self-talk and embrace my inner cheerleader.

I feel good about how I look and feel.

I think good thoughts and feel good.

I meet kind people who like me.

I let love in, from others and myself.

I'm strong and brave when things are tough.

I celebrate myself and my achievements.

I'm not scared and can do many things.

I am not defined by external validation; my worth comes from within.

I make a happy life for myself.

I am my own source of happiness, and I nurture it daily.

I'm loving and loved.

[aquarian-sunchild]

Cities/Countries that I think should host upcoming Olympics and why:

1. Havana, Cuba: Over the course of several decades, Cuba has proven itself to be one of the most resilient and resolute nations on the planet. Withstanding the weight of global repression and economic embargoes, Cuba has emerged as a social and cultural hub with a growing reputation for medical breakthroughs and excellence. No one who matters cares about the Cold War bogeyman-ification of Cuba anymore, and it will be very funny to see those who do still care work themselves into a frothing hysteria.

2. San Jose, Costa Rica: As far as I'm personally aware, Costa Rica has the economic and infrastructural capacity to host an event like the Olympics. More importantly, Costa Rica's national initiatives to preserve and restore its unique ecosystems deserves to be celebrated on a international stage. It would be fascinating to see how San Jose could host an international event as sustainably as possible. Also, the Olympics should be held in as many countries near or under the Equator as possible before climate change makes a lot of places difficult to inhabit.

3. Johannesburg, South Africa: I chose Johannesburg because I think their economy/infrastructure is most capable, but just somewhere in Africa yo! Get the Olympics out of Europe and North America! Boring! I want to see dashikis, kente cloth, pyramids and elephants!

4. Sapporo, Japan: I just really think Japan deserves a do-over because the 2020 Olympics were fated to be a bust. Hosting the Winter Olympics in Hokkaido would be great! Have you seen pictures of the snowfall there? And Japan is making some incremental steps to recognize and revive Ainu culture, so this would be a great way to showcase that. Get the weebs interested with references to Golden Kamuy lol.

5. Helsinki, Finland: I recently read that a lot of Europeans are changing their summer vacation destination to Scandinavia because of climate change causing oppressive heatwaves elsewhere. So Finland would be more environmentally hospitable for more people, it'd be a great place for winter sports, and they could show off why they're consistently considered one of the happiest countries on the planet. Also, Moomins. Also also, the name of the capital would outrage a lot of usamerican fundies, which is always a good thing.

6. Istanbul, Türkiye: I admit that I don't know much about the socio-political or economic situation in Türkiye, but I think that in the age of memes as a significant means of communication, the country that generates the most memes during the current Olympics should host the next one. It is surreal to see how many people suddenly care about Olympic shooting competitions, and Turkish Shooter Guy is behind most of that. Also maybe this could be an opportunity for everyone to learn how to properly spell/pronounce Türkiye. Also it would probably anger a lot of conservative Europeans. Tee hee.

I was going to suggest Lhasa, Tibet, but they're not big on tourists anymore for justifiable reasons. I just wanted to anger the Chinese government. If Ireland actually reunites soon they should host the Olympics in the newly reunited Ireland. That would be beautiful.

I am so good at global diplomacy.

[chuweiiashii]

LIVED LIFE LESSONS

Growing up wasn't easy. My parents argued a lot, and their fights made me sad and anxious. It felt like a storm was always brewing in our house. Their anger made me feel worthless, like I wasn't good enough. But I didn't let their arguments define me. Despite the tough times, I found moments of happiness and kept dreaming of a better future. Slowly, I realized that I had a knack for understanding people and handling tough situations.

Furthermore, as I got older, I became stronger. I learned to see the good things in life, like spending time with friends and finding joy in simple moments. It was like finding an oasis in the middle of a desert. Looking back, I'm grateful for the challenges I faced. They made me who I am today. I'm not afraid to face difficulties because I know I can overcome them. I'm ready to tackle whatever comes my way, knowing that I have the strength and resilience to keep moving forward.

In conclusion, as I stand on the threshold of adulthood. I carry with me the lessons learned in memories of my childhood. I am a survivor, a fighter. The symbol of hope signifies for those who find themselves in the darkness, and though the road ahead may be long and winding, I walk with a newfound sense of purpose. Knowing that I am capable of overcoming and coping any challenges that comes my way.

[tissaia6]

Tissaia6

Entry 1

Hello everyone! I'm Maila from borongan City and i want to share with you about myself. I become a mom when i am 19 years old. Yes! Your right I'm too young for that but i never regret when my baby came and i heard his crying that was the meaningful day of my entire life. After a years i decided to go back to school because i want to further my education to better myself as a mom and i want to show my future kids that we should never give up on our goals no matter how challenging life can be.

As a mom i need to be optimistic all the time. Now that i am capable of sponsoring my education by myself, i will not let my parenthood or marital status keep me from achieving my life's goal because i finally have an opportunity to fulfill my academic pursuit and now that my child are grown up enough, i can comfortably divide my time between parenting and studying.

Now that i have a motivating factor, i am capable of giving my life a direction that i want, at the same time i will have to motivate my children and help them in organising their live and personalities. I hope to graduate proudly in the year 2024 although i am prepared for the fact that it might take me a little longer than that owing to my domestic responsibilities. But nevertheless, it is " better late than never"! It's important that I'm always learning so i can give my child the very best of me. In during this they will wreak the rewards and benefits that i didn't have as a child growing up. Telling our children that education is the key to great success in that you can accomplish or conquer the world with hard work and dedication. Most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intituation.

MY HOMETOWN

The City of Borongan is surrounded with beautiful beaches and small islands. It is highly recommended for travelers and tourists who adore ocean scenery and live corals. The place also has a surfing spot that is perfectly at the heart of the City.

Our City is where the most resilient and brave people are. Hospitality is visible even though to strangers or foreigners. We have hidden beautiful spots that awaits to those who'll visit. It will give you the province" vibe" and let your heart and mind be at peace and experience serenity and tranquility.

Entry 2

ACTIVITIES DURING BORONGAN'S TOWN FIESTA

PADUL ONG FESTIVAL

The Padul- ong Festival is a mythical presentation of how the image of the Blessed Virgin Mary was mysteriously transported to Borongan from Portugal in far- away Europe. The festival also highlights its connection to the Lady in White who used to frequent the Hamorawon Spring, blessing its water with the miraculous power to heal the locals. The Festival is held in line with the celebration of the Fiesta of Borongan City. Other socio - cultural activities are likewise held during the week.

MY ACTIVITIES DURING BORONGAN'S TOWN FIESTA

September 4,2023

Thesis na walang hangganan ! Dapat ng beauty rest nk hn ! Charizz

September 5, 2023

Birthday celebration of my brother

September 6, 2023

Locked in for life 💍!

September 7, 2023

Oh dba thesis agad ! Back to reality!

September 8, 2023

Night swimming @ Melindas

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Hi! I was wondering If I could get a channeled love message from my future spouse. I'm feeling pretty lonely and some readings were saying this boy I already knew was my future spouse, but I'm not sure. There's a path I want to take and I'm not sure if that will change my future spouse or what. Anyway I only want to be in a relationship if I'm positive i want to/am going to marry the person so i'm feeling really lonely right now. Sorry for the rant but yeah-

First of all, never make a path choice based on a future person you may or may not meet. You make choices based on who you are becoming for yourself. People meant to be on your path will show up on your path regardless. Choices may change when you meet them on the journey but never that you meet them.

Secondly, wanting to only date someone you could marry is limiting your growth. How do you know what you want or need in a romantic relationship? Why are you not willing to date someone for any other reason? You need to expand your concept of love and relationships. Is it tied to fear? I think you are bypassing a lot of human experiences and telling yourself it’s what’s best for you, but it’s actually a fearful part of yourself holding you back from all that you truly want. It’s a younger part of you that you need to heal and let grow up. When you go into meeting people with an agenda and set outcome, you restrict all the potential in the relationship and try to force it into a box. Things do not grow in restriction, they grow in freedom. You are trying to control your love life and are trying to assert your will instead of allowing the universe to lead you on the journey to what is meant for you.

Universe, anything else?

You need to work on your trust issues. Your desire for control comes from your inability to accept the unknown and to trust that no matter what happens you are capable of figuring it out. You are infantilizing yourself, and treating yourself like a fragile little baby. You are not allowing yourself to grow up. You are stunting your growth. The way you view relationships comes from a younger wounded part of yourself that you need to talk to and help them heal. You need to build your self confidence by proving to yourself you are capable and powerful instead of always reinforcing to yourself that you are incapable. You’re like helicopter parenting your wounded parts which is keeping them from truly healing and is keeping you from truly thriving. (I’m seeing like an overprotective mother who won’t let her kids play on a jungle gym because they may fall and get hurt, I’m seeing her fuss over the child and restrict them). Let your wounded parts go a little. Let those parts play. Stop being so hyper fixated on the worst case scenario and instead let those parts get hurt! Let them hurt and get back up. You learn through trial and error and repetition. You build resilience by letting yourself be free enough to accept that pain may happen but you can handle it.

Card Pull

Druid Craft Tarot

Prince of swords, upright—intelligent, articulate, impetuous

“A radical change in your lifestyle or routine, new friends may appear, or a whole new life may open up for you, impending air travel.”

Ace of wands, upright—conception, birth, initiative, creative energy

“The gift of creative energy is within your grasp, enthusiasm, energy, vitality, intuition may all be enhanced in your life, taking the initiative .”

Immediately these cards are saying to me if you can make this radical change, you will have a new lease on life that will allow you to truly become the creator of your life. You will become an entirely new person. You will birth a new life for yourself. On the other hand, you’ll face a tower moment if you keep helicopter parenting your wounded parts. I feel very strongly that until you grow these wounded parts the changes you’re seeking will not be able to fully come to fruition because you are standing in your own way!

Hope this helps! I know it’s probably not what you wanted from a reading but it’s what the universe wants you to know and to understand. You’ve been asking for guidance but now you need to listen to what has been said and take action to make the changes you need to make.

[amberbeach]

'THE HARDEST THING'

gif belongs to me

You started dating Mike when you were teenagers. He was two years older than you, and you remembered feeling special when he spoke to you, as he knew how to make people feel important. And Mike often told you that, family aside, you were one of the most important people in his life.

Leo often teased you back then, asking, "When's the wedding?" and you had always laughed it off, but fast forward several years, and here you were, married to your childhood sweetheart.

It wasn't always smooth sailing, no marriage was, but you still believed that you and Mike could survive anything. Fighting wasn't common between you both, as you had a proactive approach, talking about issues before they became problems and led to arguments. But you had been apart from your husband for a few months and when you were finally reunited, it hadn't exactly gone the way you had hoped.

Mike always told you that you were capable of anything, resilient, and not easily defeated when things got tough. But lately, you felt as if he didn't believe it anymore, trying to side-line you from the action, and it frustrated you to no end. When you tried talking to him, he shut you down, not letting you fight your case, and you found yourself standing in your quarters, shouting at each other from across the room after you found out he had spoken to your commander, once again keeping you from the action.

Mike was growing more and more frustrated, feeling backed into a corner, which only added to his temper as you persistently tried to convince him you were fully capable of going on the mission. Leo had entered during the early stages of your argument and immediately regretted it. When he tried to stay out of it, you ordered him to sit down, and the Red Ranger took a seat without argument, surprised as he listened to you both fight, his eyes wide as it escalated until insults were thrown.

You were stunned into silence when Mike mentioned one of your biggest insecurities, and from his expression, you knew he was equally shocked, and just like that, the fight was over. You stormed out of your quarters and Mike sighed as he watched you go, taking a seat, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"What's going on with you two?" Leo spoke up after a few moments, and Mike looked over at his younger brother, sitting back in the chair. And Mike told him about his fears about you fighting against Trakeena and his fears of losing you. Leo understood and knew how much Mike missed the times when you could hike in the hills, overlooking the city from a secluded spot, and forget about the war raging around you long before you joined the fight.

After the brotherly heart-to-heart, Mike left your shared quarters to search for you, finding you standing at a window, arms crossed as you stared out at the stars. You sensed him approaching but didn't glance in his direction, your eyes admiring the stars while he admired you.

"I'm sorry." He spoke up after a few moments, placing his hands behind his back as he looked out the window at the stars. "I didn't mean it."

"Why did you say it?" Your tone was frosty and Mike's shoulders deflated at the possibility of reigniting your fight.

"Because I don't want to lose you." He explained, turning his head to meet your gaze when he noticed you looking at him. "We're not teenagers anymore. We've changed, and you've grown into a formidable force. But that doesn't stop me from worrying about you. I look at you, and I travel back to when I first saw you. We're older now, but I will always be protective over you." He sighed, looking out at the stars. "I never thought there would come a day when we would be apart, but..." He trailed off, and you turned to him fully when his gaze met yours. "I am just so damn scared of losing you again."

You stepped forward, wrapping your arms around his neck, feeling his arms embrace your waist, and resting your chin on his shoulder. "You'll never lose me." You whispered gently. "I want this war over just as much as you do. I watch you, and Leo leave all the time, and it kills me because I could never do anything to help you before. Now I have the chance to."

You lifted your head to meet his gaze, and Mike nodded softly. "I know. I know." He sighed, resting his forehead against yours, and you both closed your eyes.

You placed your hands on the nape of his neck, smiling softly. Mike opened his eyes and lifted his head, meeting your gaze. "I rescinded my statement. They're expecting you at 0800."

You kissed him tenderly, and Mike placed his hands on your cheeks, bringing you closer. You knew how hard it was for him to take a step back and let you carve your own path. After all, you had done the same for him before. The hardest thing you could do in a relationship amid a galactic war was to let your lover join the fight. And Mike understood how you felt when he was determined to do the same all those years ago.

[soracities]

i started crying when i read all of your kind words, thank you so much. this might be the first time someone told me that a failed exam doesn't matter in my life. i'm just scared at being yelled at by my teacher in front of everyone.

- 15yo anon.

(cont’d /2) its 10pm right now, and i have school at 7am tomorrow. i'm sorry for this ask, it's just that i sat down and realised no adult has been kind to me in the way i need. your responses are still making me cry tears of joy and hope.

that being said-

i'm scared since it's the first time i'm going to in-person school in a long time, it's the first time i've failed an exam, and i know my tuition teacher will later yell at me in front of twenty other kids and i don't know.... maybe my scholarship is being taken away. i'm terrified.

i don't even plan on taking math next year and i'm furious at how my bad grades in math dictate whether i get a scholarship to study liberal arts and social study next year. i was so excited to study at my new school next year.

i don't know what i'll do when i get yelled at, because crying means i'll only get scolded harder or slapped.

 i just want to go to art school or syudy history when i'm 18 i hate the way this one exam is making me thinking whether i'm a dissapointment and should have died at birth or something.

and it's even more fucking silly, because i got a 47% in math last time, had to take a retest and then i got 89%. i barely even remember that. i'm certain i won't remember my bad grades in a few years, and yet right now i'm just.... so scared.

 i'm really, really, really sorry for these three asks. i hope i didn't take too much of your time/effort. i'm sorry for being a bother.

/3) also it felt nice when you called me a kid in the tags. everyone tells me fifteen is so grown up and adult-like. i've always known that fifteen is nothing compared to 26, 30, 39, 50 etc etc, but being called a fully grown teenager and young adult by everyone made me forget i'm just a little kid who's trying his best.

i don’t know where you are in the world or what your education system is like there in that your teacher can get away with something like this but i am telling you right now that under no circumstances does your tutor (or anyone) have the right to yell at you or physically assault you in any way whatsoever no matter how they try to justify it or how much the environment you’re in allows it: your teacher is an asshole. pure and simple. and absolutely no part of how they respond or treat you is your fault in this and i really, really, really need you to believe this and tell yourself this over and over if you have to until you believe it as readily as your own hearbeat because it is absolutely, entirely true. their responsibility here is far bigger than yours. if your student is struggling it is your job, as a teacher and also as the actual literal adult to address that appropriately, not punish and belittle and berate for something as simple as a bad grade my god.

i don’t know if anyone has told you this yet, maybe they have because it seems like such an obvious thing but it was something i know would have made my life so much easier if i had learnt it earlier: but if you are going to get better at something, if you are going to grow and learn anything, you have to fail--you need to fail -- so you can know where and what to improve on, what to do and what not to do and crucially, move beyond the familiar and comfortable spheres you’ve already made a home in. this is what will make you better, more confident, more resilient and capable in the long run, whether its in academics or anything else. your failures need to become far more valuable to you than your successes because of all the potential they are holding for you, all the things you can learn from them and the person you can become as a result. and these failures need to happen in an environment where you are not punished for them. any teacher who actively makes you feel like you, as a human being, are a disappointment and not worth anything because of this (which happens to literally everyone at some point) is someone who is, once again, an utter Asshole, and someone who is actively sacrificing your growth as a student and your very wellbeing for the sake of some warped and dehumanizing excuse for an education that assigns merit to nothing else except for how well you can tolerate stress you do not deserve to be put through in the first place.

again, i don’t know where you are, or what your school system is like, so i don’t know what or who will be available for you to go to and talk to so that you can at least get some practical and immediate information or advice that might give you perspective and help make this less frightening because you don’t deserve to be put through all this. like, i can’t stress enough how entirely out of line your teacher is here and i’m so so sorry that you haven’t had adults around you to give you the support, protection, and assurance you need and should be getting in what it sounds like such an unbearably stressful and traumatising environment. all i can really say to you that i hope can help and comfort you a little is that since your ask i’ve had a few others send their own experiences in which i’ll publish as i get the chance to, and if you get nothing else from all this please, please know that you are not alone and not a failure -- not ever a failure -- and that even if it is coming from nameless and faceless strangers, you are sharing a space in this world with people who understand what you are going through and have come out of it or are coming out of it and sending love and support to you so that you know, or at least can hopefully see one day, that you will come out of it, too.

and also, yes, you are absolutely a kid and the idea that you are adult-like at 15 is laughable to me like oh my god...yes you are gaining more responsibilities and expectations which are important to learn to navigate but you are also still very much a kid, and i literally do not know a single person my age who thinks of themselves as anything other than that at 15; i see a photo of myself from school and am immediately in Mom Mode so believe me: you are so, so, so young and you have so, so, so much yet to learn and see and you are absolutely trying your best, you are, you are, you are. and even if you feel that no one around you believes it, i believe it for whatever that is worth and i’ll keep on doing so. sending you oceans of love, anon. i hope you can feel it ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

[ruki--mukami]

♡ _  ♡ JASS U HAVE TO. PLS

send me    ‘  ♡ _  ♡ ‘    and my muse will admit one to three ( 1-3 )  features of your muse  ( physical or personality )   that they find incredibly attractive. 

"Hm... Fade, huh. Well, to start off with, she always struck me as a self-reliant woman. From the first moment we met, she already proved herself capable of eliminating her enemies when necessary. Why else would there have been a man bleeding out to death...? That's an attribute we share. I can appreciate a woman who is strong and resilient on her own. However, I do also know the drawbacks of fighting on your own to the point where you become self-sabotaging and clouded in your own thoughts, therefore I do hope that Fade can rely on me someday, no matter how big or small the issue may be."

"Not to mention that physique of hers—it shows throughout her figure that she spends a great deal of time hunting others. I'm not one easily seduced by looks, but that time in the woods... I couldn't help but want to sink my fangs into her. The best kind of blood is from a human who knows how to care for their body, and Fade most certainly does. I'm hoping we can do that again."

"The third quality—not to say that I only admire three traits of hers—that really drew me to her is how she always supports me at the right moments. I never would've expected the two of us to grow close, and yet... Day by day, she urges me out of my comfort zone in terms of going outside and partaking in activities I would otherwise deem 'frivolous' and without meaning. With her, they most definitely do hold meaning, which I am eternally grateful for. I'm lucky we met."

[theambitiouswoman]

SELF TALK. Replacing the NEGATIVE things we say to ourselves with POSITIVE words 🦄💜✨✨

When we say bad things about ourselves, our minds and bodies pay attention and start believing those things. It's like a cycle. When we keep telling ourselves we're not good enough or can't do things, our minds start thinking it's true. These bad thoughts can make us act in ways that match what we believe, like avoiding things because we think we'll fail. Over time, our brain gets used to these thoughts and they become a regular part of how we see ourselves.

But if we say good things to ourselves, it can be really helpful. When we're kind in how we talk to ourselves, it can make us feel better and stronger. It's like giving ourselves a little boost of confidence. When we're positive, we can handle problems better and feel less stressed. When we believe good things about ourselves, we might do better in different situations. So it's important to notice how we talk to ourselves and try to say nice things, even if we don't always feel that way.

Negative: "I always mess things up." Positive: "I sometimes make mistakes, but I also learn from them."

Negative: "I'm so stupid." Positive: "I'm smart and capable; everyone makes errors."

Negative: "I can't do this; it's too hard." Positive: "I can handle challenges with effort and perseverance."

Negative: "I'll never succeed in anything." Positive: "I have the potential to achieve my goals through hard work."

Negative: "Nobody likes me." Positive: "I have people who care about me and value my company."

Negative: "I'm a failure." Positive: "I've achieved many things and will continue to grow."

Negative: "I'm not good enough." Positive: "I am enough just as I am, and I'm constantly improving."

Negative: "I'm a burden to others." Positive: "My presence and contributions make a positive impact."

Negative: "I always mess up social situations." Positive: "I can connect with others and enjoy social interactions."

Negative: "I'll never get over this." Positive: "I can heal and move forward from difficult situations."

Negative: "I'm so ugly." Positive: "I am unique and have qualities that make me attractive."

Negative: "I'll never be as good as them." Positive: "I have my own strengths and talents that are valuable."

Negative: "I'm a loser." Positive: "I have the courage to try and the ability to succeed."

Negative: "I'm always so awkward." Positive: "I am learning and growing in social interactions."

Negative: "I can't handle criticism." Positive: "I can learn from feedback and use it to improve."

Negative: "I'm too lazy to accomplish anything." Positive: "I have the energy and determination to achieve my goals."

Negative: "I'll never be happy." Positive: "I can find joy and contentment in the little things."

Negative: "I'm a failure as a parent/friend/partner." Positive: "I care and do my best to support those around me."

Negative: "I'm too old/young to do that." Positive: "Age doesn't define my ability to pursue my passions."

Negative: "I don't deserve good things." Positive: "I am worthy of happiness, success, and positive experiences."

Negative: "I'm a failure because I haven't achieved enough." Positive: "I'm on my own path of growth and accomplishments."

Negative: "I can't handle stress." Positive: "I am resilient and can manage stress with effective strategies."

Negative: "I'll never be as talented as others." Positive: "I have unique talents that make me special."

Negative: "I'm so clumsy." Positive: "I am improving my coordination and skills."

Negative: "I'm too shy to make friends." Positive: "I have qualities that others appreciate and I can connect with people."

Negative: "I'm not good at anything." Positive: "I have strengths and abilities that I can develop."

Negative: "I'm a burden on my family." Positive: "My family supports me and we help each other."

Negative: "I'll probably fail, so why bother trying?" Positive: "I have the courage to take on challenges and learn from them."

Negative: "I can't trust anyone; people always let me down." Positive: "I can build meaningful and trustworthy relationships."

Negative: "I'll never find love." Positive: "I am deserving of love and can create meaningful connections."

Negative: "I'm not creative at all." Positive: "I can express my creativity in different ways."

Negative: "I'll never be able to speak in public." Positive: "I can develop my public speaking skills with practice."

Negative: "I don't deserve success." Positive: "I am capable of achieving success through hard work."

Negative: "I'm so disorganized." Positive: "I can improve my organization skills with time."

Negative: "I'll never be happy with my body." Positive: "I can make healthy choices and appreciate my body."

[alyzzagonzales]

  Scintillating Outlook Of An Optimistic

“The only guarantee for failure is to stop trying.”

This quote grabbed my attention as I was reading through my newsfeed; it seemed to be flashing back to the current situation I'm in. Life is indeed a rollercoaster ride, and you never know if you're on the right track or if the decisions you are making are really in accordance with your passions. I suppose that intrinsic happiness of what we do is where enthusiasm starts, but I have a number of unanswered questions. My incessant doubts and thoughts are somehow tormenting me. 

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt exhausted living in this chaotic world? I have been thinking about losing my patience and being surrounded by vicissitudes. Good day, everyone. I Alyzza B. Gonzales and am here to speak about passion and perseverance. We are all born vulnerable, and the worst part is how long we’ll be standing there. What precisely are perseverance and passion? It is a subjective experience of enthusiasm or zeal for something or the prospect of doing something. Everyone could observe how they approached their profession with desire. Perseverance is pursuing a task amidst adversity or a postponement in advancement. With the asset of our passion and determination, it could lead us to triumph. 

It’s feasible that life will strike us with devastating misfortunes and it will inevitably leave us scarred. We all seem to be aware of the enormous responsibility associated with our existence in this world. When implementing change, people are prone to becoming more resilient. People who are passionate about the things they do tend to possess more optimistic perspectives and are excellent at problem-solving skills. Our motivation, conviction, and potential to be resourceful are all stimulated by our passion. As I’ve applied this to my existence, it is evident that I have acquired critical thinking. I’ve also lived my vitality, discovering that I should always be on the path of forthrightness. I’m capable of rising by myself and pursuing my ambitions. As a result, I adhered to the technique to attain my objectives. As I discuss this concept, I simultaneously recognize how pivotal it is to engaging and inspiring audiences. Perhaps, I wouldn’t have been capable of standing in public, preparing speeches, or participating in these activities without perseverance and passion.

Although the world has become an endless battleground for us, I, as an optimistic person, stand to be persistent and passionate despite the pessimistic differences of the world. I converse about how exquisite it is, although it had been prophesied to be a grievous deduction. We need to know that if we hold onto the scintillating thoughts and paths, we can become better people and obtain our objectives. I could see rays of hope even through the darkest among life's passageways. We must perceive that if we allude to the scintillating features and direction, we may grow as individuals and attain our aspirations. Those mental and spiritual scars will eventually swell and serve as a written testament of my passion-based desire.

@joezerkemuel

[extasiswings]

Fic writer asks: I'd be curious about 1 and/or 19.

1. what's the fic you're most proud of?

There are a lot of fics that I'm proud of for various reasons, especially ones where I can see (even if it may not be obvious to others) how they reflect my growth as a writer and/or a person. But I think, at least if I limit myself to the last couple years:

of men and of angels [this one I think is the longest oneshot I've finished and includes a lot of my favorite brand of deep introspection]

The melt series [a set of smutty introspective oneshots that's really "character development/exploration through kink" and which makes the list because I have a lot of hangups and insecurities about writing/posting smut that have been tackled head on by writing this series]

Stuck on Fast Forward (Throw Away the Blueprint) [I may jinx myself by including a multichapter WIP on this list, but I'm really proud of the mix of plot, deep character exploration, and smut, especially since historically many of my multichapter works (or at a minimum those that have included writing about sex from the start) have been co-authored, so it's nice to feel like I'm really coming into my own and growing on that level]

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

This is a hard question because the fics that I write tend to be the ideal fics for me. Not exclusively, but a lot of the time at least, I do write because I don't see the specific things that I want to read. As a general note, that often means a very specific brand of introspective writing that dives deep into things like grief and trauma and recovery, but also often how love (in its various forms) relates to those things. I feel like resilience is such a huge part of what it means to be human - how we grow and change and adapt because of all of the things we experience, and also how we're never finished - and I am always looking to explore the complex inner lives of characters. So it would definitely have that.

I think a big thing that I struggle with is having ideas that are either smarter than my capabilities to execute them or otherwise are things that I don't want to actually write because I know they would be wildly misunderstood. But one thing I would still be interested in writing someday is an introspective exploration of queerness and Catholicism (and especially lapsed Catholicism) and a Queer Catholic Experience(TM) that actually gets into the nuance of that interplay instead of just a very surface level "religion bad because homophobia" kind of thing. I wouldn't say that would be The fic for me, but it's definitely something I've considered.

[besanii]

Hi! I'm loving your Shattered Mirrors au ❤ and I've been wondering, what is the reaction of the general population to LWJ making WWX a part of his household? Do they see it as a great love story, or is it considered inappropriate?

Madam Lan has all the social graces and etiquette of a high-born lady from a respectable family; she’s well-read, well-mannered and has refined taste—a far cry from her military-raised husband, who appears almost brutish in comparison, despite being part of the Imperial family. She bows deeply to Wei Wuxian when he arrives at the Jing Manor a month before his wedding and smiles with all the deference expected from a lower-ranking Imperial Wife. 

He is quick to dismiss such formalities.

“I am no married yet, Jing-junwangfei,” he says with a wry smile. “Please, do not stand on ceremony with me.”

The smile she gives him in return is tentative, but she does not bow to him again. She turns to the servants and directs them to take his luggage into the guest wing, leaving her husband to show him the way. Lan Guoyan watches her go with a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips and a twinkle in his eye that warms Wei Wuxian’s heart.

“Jing-junwangfei is a lovely woman,” he says. “You’re very lucky.”

“I am,” Lan Guoyan agrees, extending a hand toward the guest wing and motioning for Wei Wuxian to walk ahead. “She’s everything I could have asked for in a wife and a partner. And she’s a wonderful mother to Jingyi.”

At the mention of Lan Jingyi, Wei Wuxian breaks out into a wide smile.

“Your son is very much like you,” he says. “Except, perhaps, without the incessant, deliberate rule-breaking.”

Lan Guoyan huffs, rapping his cane on the ground emphatically as he walks.

“His mother’s influence,” he says with a put-upon sigh. “And Ji-xiong‘s, I suspect. Jingyi worships the ground he walks on, won’t stop talking about him when he’s at home. It’s like I don’t exist!”

Wei Wuxian clasps his shoulder in a gesture of comfort, but his eyes are sparkling with mirth.

“It’s understandable,” he says with mock pity. “I completely sympathise with Jingyi on this one.”

He chuckles when Lan Guoyan shakes him off with a good-natured scowl. They’re rounding the corner to the south wing when he catches the eye of a few passing servants and smiles at them politely; they hurriedly lower their heads and bow deeply at the waist, their gazes darting amongst themselves and then back at him. He knows they’ve been gossiping about him, but after months living in Hanguang Manor where gossiping is forbidden and punishable by flogging, it unsettles him more than he would like to admit. Lan Guoyan notices as well.

“They know better than to gossip,” he mutters. “I’ll have them punished.”

“Yan-ge,” Wei Wuxian admonishes him gently. “It’s fine. Servants talk. It doesn’t bother me.”

Madam Lan is waiting for them in the guest chambers, supervising the servants setting up braziers around the room.

“No, not there,” she says, shooing one of them away from the window. “Put it by the end of the bed. Not too close to the curtains. Yes, right there.”

She hurries over when she notices their arrival, preparing to take Lan Guoyan’s arm and help him to a seat. He pats her hand and shakes his head.

“No, I’m not staying,” he says. “I’m leaving Xiao Wei in your capable hands, Furen. Please take care of him for me.”

She dips her knee briefly. “Go safely, Fujun.”

He claps Wei Wuxian on the shoulder one last time and leaves them both standing in the front room of the guest chambers. They look at each other for a long moment without speaking after the sound of his cane has faded from hearing; she diverts her gaze when she realises she is staring, her cheeks flushing a fetching shade of pink. Wei Wuxian smiles at her and bows.

“Pardon my intrusion into your home, Furen,” he says politely. “I know it must be a terrible imposition on your hospitality on such short notice. I am in your debt.”

“Oh, no, please,” she exclaims, hurriedly bowing in return. “It is my honour to welcome the future Hanguang-wangfei into my home. I only hope that you do not find our humble abode lacking.”

"Furen is too kind,” he replies. “Your husband is one of my dearest friends. I hope we too will come to treat each other as family.”

She lets him lead her to the table and watches as he pours them both a cup of tea, too surprised to even protest. It is only when he is sliding the full cup toward her that she shakes herself out of her reverie and accepts it with murmured thanks. Her lips part as she struggles to contain her curiosity; he raises his own cup to his lips and waits.

“You really are different to what they say about you,” she says finally, before ducking her head to avoid his gaze. “Forgive me, it was rude of me to mention it—”

“No, no, please do not apologise,” he says, setting down his tea. “I may not know the details of what they say about me, but I can chance a guess it is not all flattering.”

She shifts in her seat, not quite a squirm of embarrassment, but the press of her lips and the furrow in her brow gives her away. He feels a brief pang of pity for her. As a daughter of the veteran General Ouyang from Baling, she had grown up in a well-to-do family, likely sequestered away with her studies of the Four Art and the management of a household to have had much to do with courtesans, former or no, especially not those with as...complex a history as he. Still, she had grown up in a military family, had married a military man. He does not doubt her mental or emotional resilience in the slightest.

“They say you were a courtesan of the pleasure houses,” she says quietly, hesitantly, as though worried he would be angry. When he nods instead and appears unaffected, her voice grows more confident. “That you used some evil enchantment to lure Er-wangye to your bed, a-and witchcraft to take his heart.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. Yes, he’s heard those too.

“They do me too much credit,” he says, tracing the edge of his cup with a finger. “Even if I were able to do so, Lan Zhan is not the a man easily swayed by such tricks.”

She looks relieved. 

“I told them it could not be true,” she says, clutching her own cup with both hands. “My husband has known Er-wangye since they were both children. He would know.”

He doesn’t need to ask who ‘they’ are to know that the gossip is more widespread than just this household. He may not have spent much time outside since moving into Hanguang Manor, but he has eyes and ears enough to know what the common folk are saying about him.

“Your husband is an honourable man,” he tells her. “He has always been a good friend to me, even in our misspent youth.”

A complicated expression comes over her face at the mention of Lan Guoyan. She opens her mouth and closes it again several times, struggling to put her thoughts into words. It is abundantly clear to Wei Wuxian that whatever it is weighs heavily on her mind, so he pours them both another cup of tea and waits patiently for her to speak. After a while, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“My husband is in love with you,” she says, staring down at her cup. “He hasn’t said it aloud, but it isn’t hard to tell. He’s not very good at concealing his emotions.”

Wei Wuxian sighs, his heart heavy in his chest as he studies the pained expression on her face. He had truthfully not thought much of it before now, too caught up in the joy of seeing Lan Guoyan again, in knowing his opinion of him had not changed despite everything that has happened. And when he’d seen the way he’d looked at his wife, the thought there may be any residual affections on Lan Guoyan’s part had not even occurred to him.

“It was a very long time ago,” he tells her gently. “We were young then, two like-minded boys looking only for entertainment and companionship. We have never been any more than close friends in all the years we have known each other, Jing-junwangfei. I will swear it upon my life.”

He holds up three fingers by his ear and meets her red-rimmed eyes, steady and unwavering. She stares at him for a long moment, the knuckles of her fingers turning white around the teacup, her lips pressed together in a thin, trembling line. Then the conflicted expression on her face clears and she reaches into her sleeve for a handkerchief, dabbing at the corners of her eyes as she sniffles.

“Thank you,” she says, chuckling wetly. “I trust my husband, truly. But seeing you in person…I could not help—”

“I understand,” he assures her. He does. “And I thank you, Furen, for welcoming me into your home even so. You truly are a generous and virtuous woman. Yan-ge is very fortunate to have you by his side.”

She reaches across the table and covers his hand with her own in a gentle grip.

“We are family now, Wei-gongzi,” she tells him. “You should call me by my name, Shuzhen.”

He turns his hand over and returns her gesture, his heart so full he cannot contain the relieved smile that breaks over his face.

“Then you must call me by mine,” he says. “Wei Wuxian.”

Notes:

Ouyang Shuzhen (欧阳淑珍) is another OC. Daughter of canonical Sect leader Ouyang from Baling Ouyang Sect (now General Ouyang from Baling), who was mentioned briefly in #38. This makes her Ouyang Zizhen’s older sister :D

Her title is Jing-junwangfei (静郡王妃) - or Consort of Prince Jing

WWX’s title after marrying LWJ is 含光王妃 - Consort of Prince Hanguang. 

Re: their title of “Prince”:

LWJ is a 王爷 (direct sibling relationship with the Emperor), and Lan Guoyan is a 郡王 (cousin to the Emperor)

王爷 > 郡王 in ranking, so WWX also outranks Ouyang Shuzhen after marriage

Master Post is here

// buy me a ko-fi //

[erpgod]

I'm not sure how to start this but you've been someone I've admired for a while now. You've been and I honestly always will be one of my inspirations. You're resilience and perseverance ignited a flame within me that had burnt out, or so I thought. You've pushed me to strive for something more, something far beyond what I thought I was capable of. Seeing you grow and become a better person day after day fills my heart with such joy. Thank you Edith

This was a very sweet message. I am glad that in sharing things about my life, I am able to help you want more for yourself. I think that's lovely!

[thetraumadiaries]

My experience with MDMA & PTSD

So let me tell you about the first time I made a major breakthrough with my PTSD.

It's the first time I felt like I was capable of healing. What I'm about to say may be controversial, and perhaps not all of you will respect my decision, nor do the same thing I did. In fact, I am not trying to encourage you to do what I did, but I just want to come out and be honest about how I felt.

Anyway.

For years, I've been the kind of girl that's very "against" drugs. Well, I didn't have a problem with people that chose to do it, but I could see their suffering and reliance and I did not want to become weakened by a substance, or reliant on it. I am an incredibly resilient person. Heck, I don't even take painkillers when I need them. But for a while, the idea of drugs scared me because of their dangers. Also, the social stigma made me really adamant on staying away from them.

Of course, when I turned 20 I did try marijuana for the first time. Tbh, I didn't even really enjoy it. It made me ridiculous, silly and paranoid. It enhanced the overthinking parts of my brain. A few years later, I decided to try it again... this time I had sex while being high. It was actually a great experience. It was fun. But meh, it wasn't really something I cared for tbh. At the time, that was the "hardest" drug I'd ever do. I'm glad I tried it, but I vowed not to do anything else.

You see, my mother has paranoid schizophrenia. We aren't sure what triggered it in her... perhaps it was having me after 3 miscarriages before. I wasn't meant to be born.

Maybe it was the way my uncle treated her as a child, and how horrible people were to her. Maybe it was her own traumatic experiences time after time.

Either way, I grew up with a crazy mom.

It was hard. I won't explain the details of that today, but of course, you can understand my hesitation and fear of drugs after growing up with a mother like that. No, my mom never did any drugs. But knowing that schizophrenia COULD be hereditary and that drugs CAN trigger it, means it is a very real risk for me.

After university and postgrad, I had a friend who tried to talk to me about drug therapy. I was very open about what I was going through on Instagram & Facebook. But I kept explaining to him that I have a very good reason not try any substances. He was telling me how MDMA research had found breakthroughs with PTSD. This is when I had just started suspecting that I had a severe case of PTSD, but wasn't yet diagnosed. Honestly, when he was talking to me, I didn't even know what MDMA was. I didn't know what ecstacy really did to people. Or meth. Or cocaine. Or heroine. I just knew that they could ruin people's lives - and that the risk to me is the greatest. So I brushed him off, educated him on my schizophrenic parent, and was adamantly against was he was saying.

But I have to say, I think that knowledge haunted me subconsciously.

Half a year later, I made some new friends when I was on my way to go clubbing with my girls. I really like to dance, and these new friends - two guys - they noticed that. They told me that I should come raving with them, and that I'd really enjoy it. I honestly knew nothing about raves, but being a metalhead for so long, I've also been exposed to harder styles of EDM and was interested in it. I decided to go with them. They offered me M but I declined, of course. I didn't explain my reasons right away, but they respected me for it & it was a great time.

I wanted to go again to another event. I was also interested in the guy that invited me. But he told me something that was strange. He said he doesn't feel comfortable around sober people when he raves. I thought that was some weird af guilt-tripping bullshit tbh. So I explained my reason and TBH, I always have a good time sober. I'm just as happy and fun and crazy as everyone else! But sure, whatever...maybe I didn't "tap into" whatever they did.

So we all went to another event. It was good. But I started growing more and more curious. My PTSD was actually getting worse. A few months before these raves, I got raped.. and I hadn't healed properly. I even lost my job because I wasn't able to focus on both a criminal investigation, how I felt and doing my daily tasks. I didn't even look for a new job in this time. I was so lost, going through so much. I think I really just wanted someone to talk to who wouldn't blame me or question the logic of what happened. But heck, I couldn't afford therapy. I didn't even have the energy to make the phone call to get help. But I really needed help. So I kept talking to this guy. He was nice to me and would talk to me, having "real" conversations with me (not like the BS small talk that most Toronto fuckboys engage in). Looking back, I think I liked him because I felt like I could heal through him. This was a mistake, of course. But it's okay, we live and we learn.

Now comes the good part. The first breakthrough.

Dreams Festival was around the corner, and since I'd been exposed to all my friends on M at every rave, I was really thinking about it a lot. I had done some research and read that M with assisted psychotherapy really did do wonders for PTSD. Of course, I didn't have a psychotherapist... but I was curious. What if I did just a little bit? Just a tiny amount.

The guy I was seeing - he would make his own pills. So he could tell me exactly how much is in each of them, and customize it for me. I told him I wanted to try it... but I didn't want to do it both days of the festival. Just one. I read and saw my friends go through a lot of the side effects and a lot of the highs, and they educated me a lot on it. So I think I was okay.

Day 1 was great, but Day 2 is when I popped for the first time.

I only took 0.10, but man... it was enough. Believe me. When I started rolling, it was like...

I didn't even know I was capable of feeling that way. It was as though a HUGE weight that I'd been carrying for my whole life was literally lifted off my shoulders. The sun was setting and it felt so good on my skin. They kept telling me to put my sunglasses on, but I didn't want to. I wanted to look at the sunset, and feel the warmth on my face. I didn't have a fear in the world.

And that was profound.

I didn't feel any fear. For the first time in my life.

I wasn't scared or worried about ANYTHING. I had no stress. I wasn't thinking about anything bad that had happened.

So I started crying. I was fucking balling my eyes out. I didn't know it was possible to feel this way. I didn't even know that hope existed. I didn't know what recovery felt like. But feeling that... made it all possible. I realized that it was actually possible for me to feel that way sober. The "real me" came out. I realized that there was a kind of "fear cloud" haunting me, and that I just need to separate myself from it to feel good and heal.

It was magical. This realization was the biggest epiphany I've ever had in my life.

I was okay. I was REALLY okay... and I would continue to be if I can remember how to do that again.

I just have to remember....

Since that amazing night, I got A LOT better. It was like 6 sessions of therapy, I swear. Don't get me wrong- the "fear cloud" definitely came back LOL. & I'm still damaged af. But tbh, I learned a lot and I can tap into that experience to help myself move forward.

The best part is, I had no come down and I didn't even crave the feeling of being high like that again. Just that one experience was enough for me to know that I'll be okay, but that it's going to take a lot of pro-activeness for me to get there.

And so I've been working hard at psychoanalyzing myself, and keeping my mental health in check.

When I break down, it gets REALLY bad. But I can tap into that and talk myself out of the overwhelming negative memories and bad thoughts that stop me from sleeping. It doesn't go away completely, but it really does help a lot. I'm not a lost cause anymore. I'm not bad anymore.

I'm not the way I was last summer.

And well, there you have it.

That's just one baby step in a life long journey of healing from PTSD.