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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years ago

Text

touch

chapter three: contact

pairing: Peter Parker x reader

synopsis: you love him, but you can never touch him

Series Masterlist and Regular Masterlist

Peter found you brushing your teeth in the bathroom that connected your rooms. He wordlessly got out his toothbrush and starting brushing his own teeth at the other sink. You looked at him in the mirror before spitting and drying you face. As you were putting your toothpaste back in the drawer, you accidentally closed it on your finger.

“Ouch.” You jumped as you yanked your finger back, inspecting it for broken skin. It wasn’t injured, just throbbing. You looked at Peter out of the corner of your eye before touching his arm with the throbbing finger and sending the pain into him.

“Ow.” Peter jumped a little and looked at you in confusion.

“I thought you wanted me to touch you.” You replied sarcastically to prove a point.

“Is this a joke to you?” Peter asked bitterly as he glared at you.

“Joking is the only way I can deal with this.” You answered honestly.

“We don’t have to deal with this. We could just be together.” He said solemnly as he put his toothbrush away. You looked at Peter in the mirror and sighed sadly.

“It’s too big of a risk, Peter.” You frowned. “I love you too much to put you through that.”

“And I love you too much to accept this ending.” He stated as he turned to look at you.

“You think I want this?” You laughed sadly as you stepped up to him. “You think I don’t want to kiss you whenever I want? Or hold your hand? I want all of that. But I can’t have it. I can’t risk it.”

“So because you might hurt me, we can’t be together?” He asked. “It’s not like you ever hurt me before.”

“But I’ve hurt other people before.” You said gravely, coming as a surprise to Peter.

“What are you talking about?” Peter asked as he saw a sadness cloud your eyes. You looked down for a minute and sighed before shrugging and folding your arms.

“I had a best friend when I was younger. We were just like you and I. We spent every day together but I didn’t touch her because of what I could do. I was so careful.” Your voice cracked as you shook your head. “I tried so hard to keep her safe.”

“What happened?” Peter began to worry when he saw how worked up you were getting.

“She had a peanut allergy that I didn’t know about. I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that she didn’t know about. She ran up to me at recess and hugged me and-“ You sucked in a breath as tears streamed down your face. Peter looked at you with sympathy and put his hand as close to yours as he could without touching it.

“She died, Peter.” You whispered. “I killed her.”

“You didn’t know.” Peter tried to comfort you.

“Exactly.” You cried. “But I do now, and I can never make that mistake again.”

All at once, Peter understood why you were so hellbent on not touching. You were traumatized, and you didn’t want to repeat history. Peter took a step towards you and hovered over you, giving you the impression he was going to kiss you.

“Peter, don’t.” You said softly.

“I’m not gonna touch you.” He said. “I just want to tell you that I understand.”

“You do?” You asked hopefully.

“I hate it.” Peter admitted. “I hate that it has to be this way. But I understand.”

You stared at him for a moment before smilingly softly in appreciation. You picked up piece of paper off the counter and kissed it before tucking it into Peter’s pajama pocket.

“Thank you.” You whispered. “Thank you for understanding.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been so cold to you, peaches. You didn’t deserve that.” Peter apologized as he held his hand over his pocket.

“It’s okay. I can’t blame you for reacting the way you did. I was hurting too.”

“So do we just go back to being friends? Friends who are in love?” Peter laughed sadly.

“Unless you want to be in a relationship where we never touch each other.” You laughed, equally as sad. Peter chuckled softly before making a face.

“I mean…” He looked at you shyly and shrugged a little.

“You’d actually want to do that?” You asked curiously.

“I would.” He confirmed. “I’d rather be limited with you than unlimited with anyone else.”

“Okay.” You nodded eagerly. “Okay, let’s do it.”

Peter sighed in relief and leaned down, lips almost touching yours but not quite.

“I love you, peaches.” He whispered, lips grazing yours as he spoke. You sucked in a sharp breath, inhaling him and his scent.

“I love you too, Peter.”

Peter was working on mission plans for Tony the following week when he got a text from you.

“Meet me in the lab.”

His eyebrows knit in a straight line as he set his pen down. He quickly made his way to the lab and found you inside, holding something behind your back.

“Hey.” Peter smiled at you as he walked into the lab.

“Hey.” You smiled back. “I um, I made something. Well, actually, Dr. Banner made most of it but I gave him the idea.”

“What is it?” Peter wondered as you took a small, silver device out from behind your back.

“Its um, it’s a stun ray.” You laughed nervously. “It stuns you and temporarily takes away your powers.”

“What are you planning on doing with it?” Peter asked curiously. You picked up the gun, shrugged, and shot yourself in the chest. Peter immediately rushed to you to see if you were hurt.

“Are you okay?” He asked once he got to you.

“Uh huh.” You said through a smile before pulling him into a kiss. Peter’s eyes widened before fluttering shut as his arms enclosed around your body. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he wrapped his around your torso, kissing you with everything he had. You ran your fingers through his hair before letting them rest on his face, kissing him deeply to make up for all the time you had lost. Peter only pulled away when he couldn’t breathe, resting his forehead against yours as he panted. Tears of joy slipped down his cheeks, making him take your face in his hands and kiss your forehead.

“Does it last forever?” He whispered as he pressed his forehead against yours, keeping his arms securely around your waist.

“20 minutes.” You said as you rubbed his chest. Peter nodded before leaning down and kissing you again, just as passionately as before. He pulled away suddenly and held you back from him.

“Wait. As much as I want to kiss you, and I do, I really just wanna…” Unable to find the words to say, Peter trailed off and pulled you into a hug. He held you tightly and rested his chin on the top of your head, swaying softly back and forth as he rubbed your back. You wrapped your arms around his torso and pressed your face into his chest, taking in his scent in a way you never could before. You felt so close to him that you could cry, griping his shirt to pull him even tighter.

“I love you, Peter.” You mumbled in his ear.

“I love you too, Peaches.” He said back before pulling out of the hug. “Hold my hand, please.”

He held up his hand in the way he did that one day in the kitchen and this time, you interlocked your fingers with his. He held up his other hand and you did the same, hands clasped tightly around each other’s.

“This is nice.” Peter laughed softly. “I’ve always wanted to do this with you.”

“I know.” You nodded. “I wanted this too.”

“You’re so beautiful.” Peter sighed as he took your face between his hands again and rubbed your cheeks with his thumbs. He let his hands trail down your arms before taking your hands in his and kissing your knuckles. “Beautiful, beautiful Angel.”

You smiled with joy as your touched his face, memorizing the features under your fingertips.

“Your skin is so smooth. And your hair.” You gushed as you have it a tug. “So soft.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Peter chuckled, leaning in to your touch the way he always wanted and placing a kiss on your palm.

“I love it.” You told him as your carded your fingers through his curls.

“How often can we do this?” Peter asked as he drummed his fingers on your waist. “How often can you use the stun gun?”

“Dr. Banner said it’s only safe to use once a day.” You frowned slightly, but Peter lit up in a smile.

“I get to touch you everyday?” He asked hopefully as he took your hands in his.

“For 20 minutes, yeah.” You nodded, smiling as well now.

“I’ll take whatever I can get.” Peter sighed happily before kissing you again. “How much longer do we have?”

“Seven minutes.” You told him as you checked your phone.

“Dance with me?” He requested as he assumed waltzing position. You smiled softly and nodded as you began to sway back and forth to music that wasn’t playing. Peter rested his head on your shoulder after a minute as you wrapped your arms around his neck in a slow dance.

“I like this dance much better than the one we used to do.” You mumbled against his neck before placing a kiss there.

“I know, Peaches.” Peter sighed in content. “Me too.”

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anika-ann · 4 years ago

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My Timid Hello, My Clumsy Goodbye (S.R.)

Type: one-shot, canon semi-compliant?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Barton!reader Word count: 8900 (...sorry)

Summary: You’re spending the evening and the night before your wedding with the two most important men of your life.

When the sun rises again, you’ll say your ‘I do’ in a close circle of friends and family. It’s not a goodbye to your old life and it’s not a hello to some enormous change; but you will no longer be a Barton. You will be a Rogers. Why not reminisce a bit?

Warnings: mention of an abandoned baby, blood and injuries, alcohol, implied possibly rougher sex (nothing graphic) ...mature?, language, so much sappiness... let me know if I missed any

A/N: For what-is-your-backupplan-today 10th anniversary of CA:TFA challenge. Prompts in bold. Thank you for coming up with this wonderful theme and hosting this challenge! Long live CA:TFA!

A/N: Throughout the fic, you’ll find snippets of lyrics from SYML’s "Everything All At Once”. Honestly, the song has a completely different meaning to me, but tearing it out of context works for this story just fine :) When you’re done reading, I recommend the music video. It friggin’ broke me in the worst and best ways. Enjoy!

This is my hello This is my clumsy goodbye I'm putting my glass down I wanna remember tonight

Tony rented an island for you. Clint nearly passed out learning about it and grumbled for days about having a hard time to top that, which, no arguing, was understandable.

It was an incredibly extravagant thing to do, throwing around money that could have been used for a much more honourable cause, but you couldn’t complain. One should not look a gifted horse into mouth – and so you didn’t.

Because Tony Stark renting an island was his premature wedding gift. The fact that your brother bitched about not being able to top that, well, that was his problem. You were certain that deep down, he knew you didn’t need any fancy gifts like that.

Then again, Tony’s gift might have been epically overpriced, but not exactly unthoughtful; along with a private island came a private jet and you being literally flied under radar so no single paparazzi knew where you and America’s golden boy Steve Rogers would seal the deal with your ‘I do.’ So, you were everything but ungrateful to your friend that he succeeded at pulling off such covert operation; and frankly, this place was nothing short of wonderful.

The golden sand was pleasantly warm under your toes as you as you and Clint walked towards the two single beach chairs facing the ocean. Wearing bikini under the baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts, sunglasses on top of your head, because why would you deprive yourself the gorgeous view of the sun beginning to set down, you followed your brother – not in blood but in every other sense – to the seats, allured by the view, the serenity and the cold sixpack in his hand.

You had already had a traditional bachelorette party with your girls – with the team, with your family. Natasha, Wanda, Pepper, Sharon and Maria. The night had been the perfect blend of what was considered typically feminine, dress up, fanciness and wine and gossip, and a fun night out with shots, dancing, karaoke and pool. That particular night sadly was interrupted shortly by an annoying photographer, but he soon understood it was not very clever to annoy three and a half Avengers or the CEO of Stark Industries for that matter.

Clint however… Clint deserved a special evening with you. With the rest of the team in various state of chilling out, scattered around the luxurious small houses and gorgeous beaches, you two were left the privacy such moment required.

Even if the special moment consisted of simple talking and drinking beer while watching the sun set, a symbolic end of one phase of your life – a phase that was undeniably tied to the famous and yet barely known archer, one of the seven defenders who rushed into the Battle of New York to save the Earth.

One of the seven had been your brother, having previously been controlled by the monster who brought an army from outer space; there was no questioning whether you would join the fight or not, no matter how you preferred the latter part of your field medic job title to the former.

Another of these brave people, as it turned out, was your future husband. A man you had met for the first time that day, but whom you didn’t hesitate to push back down when he got hit by a freaking alien weapon and stood up, wanting to shake it off as if it was nothing. Your medical training told you not to let him; and your stubbornness had been just a touch stronger than his that day.

Apparently, Steve found you always standing your ground to be one of your most endearing qualities.

What a fancy way to express it instead of simply calling you a stubborn pain in his ass.

“You’re lost in your head, Twinkie,” Clint hummed, playfully nudging your ribs with an elbow, bringing you back to the present.

Your nose automatically scrunched at the childhood nickname.

“You gotta stop calling me that, Bobo,” you retorted, a grin spreading on your face as it was his turn to grimace.

You knew it was nothing but an act and that he in fact loved that nickname, because it held so much sentiment, so many memories… as did his endearment for you.

Bobo had been your first word or so Clint always claimed. Obviously, you wouldn’t remember.

You wouldn’t remember your parents, having been only two days old when your mother left you with a damn circus which was in your hometown at the time. You couldn’t recall how you wouldn’t stop crying until you heard a seven-year-old Clint humming a lullaby for you, with silly replacements of lyrics that always made you laugh later on when you could understand them.

How he started calling you Twinkie, because he was a sugar addict and apparently, you were sweet and small and he liked you; so much that he soon appointed himself to be your brother, your bro, your Bobo.

Once you were older and learned that your involuntary nickname for him also meant ‘crazy’ in Spanish, you were sold to that Bobo endearment forever.

Including the night before your wedding.

“You keep zoning out on me, Kid. Getting cold feet?” Clint hummed, casually handing you a can of beer, opening it up for you.

You automatically reached out and took a sip, eyes fixed on the warm colour on the horizon. What a ridiculous question… but kind and caring, with a hidden promise of getting you out of here if you just asked. Your amazing, protective, crazy brother.

You couldn’t but smile widely, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

“You offering to kidnap the bride, Clint? I’d like to see you try. You were always better at trapeze than at being an escape artist.”

Clint scoffed. “Please. These are amateurs. I bet I could pull it off.”

That drew a laugh from you.

“Are you calling the Avengers amateurs? Better yet, are you calling your wife an amateur?” you teased him, watching his face lose colour when he realized that he did exactly that. You leaned over and patted his thigh. “Don’t worry, Bobo. I won’t tell Nat.”

Clint visibly relaxed, but a shadow of worry twisting his expression.

“Seriously though. Where’s your head at, Kid?”

You just shrugged, smile resting on your lips as you wondered if you ever felt so relaxed. It went along well with the reminiscing of the past and despite the fact that tomorrow was a big day and you should probably be nervous, you weren’t. Not in the slightest, more like the opposite. You were giddy even; it dawned to you that nothing in your life had ever felt so right.

No moment in your life offered you such serenity to your heart, your shoulders free of any weight, body light as air.

“Just taking a trip down the memory lane. Thinking about how lucky I was to be dropped at your circus of all circuses of the world,” you grinned at Clint, your tone remaining completely serious.

Because you were being serious – words couldn’t express how grateful for everything that led to this moment you were. How grateful you were to your brother for watching over you, making sure you would always see the light of a new day, guiding you when you found yourself in a dark.

Clint didn’t react beside his fingers twitching and you knew he was giving you the chance to say what you needed to say.

“About how you taught me pretty much everything I know. About how while I might not be the best person in the world, my brother, who is the best brother ever, made me into a decent person and I owe him everything I am. And how I should probably feel guilty for tying myself to another guy who just swept in and whisked away your little sister.”

Clint stared at you, gulping as his eyes gradually filled with tears. You found yourself in a very cheesy moment, bordering on absurd and it was almost too much to handle – but Clint took a deep breath, cleared his throat and swallowed his tears.

“Well, that bastard did steal my greatest life achievement with way too little effort,” he remarked, voice cracking slightly, the image of him causing your eyes to burn as well even if his words made you both tear up and burst out laughing.

“Dammit, Clint, stop making me laugh and cry at the same time…”

“You started it!” he pointed his index finger at you accusingly, taking a large sip of his beer to drown his sentiment. “But for the record, you should not feel guilty. It’s not like you’re leaving me.”

“I know, but-“

“And if you were, you’d be leaving me in good hands.”

“That’s true, Natasha does have a grip on you and might keep you outta trouble-“

“She’s the one who gets me into trouble half of the time!” Clint cried out in protest and you would have argued if it wasn’t the truth.

But before he had met her, Clint was able to make up his own trouble just fine – he was more than half of a reason why while doing a bit of trapeze yourself, you also grew interested in medical care. Because who else than the little sister should treat her big brother’s wounds when he got too crazy?

“In all seriousness, I’m proud of you, Twinkie,” he said sincerely, one corner of his lips raised in a lopsided smile. “You’re entirely entitled to have your own life and if there’s one guy in this whole damn world I’m willing to trust to have you… well, I guess it’s that big blond dumbass.”

“He can be a bit dumb of ass occasionally, can’t he?” you mused lovingly. “I guess it’s right what they say… we do pick our partners similar to our parents, maybe not only in looks. I didn’t really have a dad, I had you, so…”

Clint sighed, smile widening, before it slipped from his face as he caught up on the not-so-hidden insult.

“Hey!”

You couldn’t but laugh at his shocked expression, accidently spilling a splosh of beer on the sand.

“Just… maybe make sure that even married, you still find time to hang out with your big dumb of ass brother every once in a while?” Clint suggested, sounding surprisingly vulnerable.

Your whole demander softened, a little pang of guilt stinging in your heart as he took your words too seriously – and at his worry.

“Clint… I will always find time for my amazing brother.”

“Well, you’re marrying a pretty amazing guy too, so, you know, I understand the dilemma…”

You snorted when he seemed to genuinely fawn over your future husband, shaking your head before downing the rest of your drink.

“As amazing as Steve might be – and gosh, he is, don’t get me started – you still own a pretty big chunk of my heart.”

“Good. You are a Barton at heart,” Clint hummed, pretending that a few tears didn’t roll down his cheeks, leaning towards you as his expression once again grew serious.

Your chest tightened. Oh no. He was gonna say something to make you cry too – as if you already weren’t at verge of crying, emotions bubbling under the surface.

“Clint-“ you warned him silently, but he spoke up anyway and you gulped, bracing yourself.

“Just… whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect housewife, but a good woman.”

That was not what you were prepared for, as touching as the sentiment was.

You burst out laughing, head thrown back, hands clutching at your stomach as it actually hurt with the sudden clench. Tears did spring from your eyes, a perfect blend of touched and infinitely amused at your brother’s words.

“Har, har, that’s what I get from trying to speak from heart…” Clint muttered grumpily and you willed yourself to calm your hitching breaths as you looked at him, the pout of his mouth causing you to cackle again.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just… I am moved, I really am. Thank you. But me? A perfect housewife? And you realize I’m marrying Steve Rogers, right? The epitome of a good man? He would probably threaten to sock me in a jaw if I tried to change into something I’m not just for his sake and actually sock me in my jaw if I turned into a bad woman.”

Clint’s eyebrows jumped, a smirk appearing on his face. “That’s a lot of punching.”

“My thoughts exactly,” you agreed, reaching for another can, pausing when a thought occurred to you. “Just so we’re clear, I might turn into a bit of a housewife when we have kids, alright? And I want to be a good wife, a good partner to Steve, which is what I’m trying to do even now.”

“I mean, yeah, sure, wouldn’t expect anything less. But… just promise me you’ll stay you and that you’ll keep giving him a run for his money, keep him on his toes a bit,” Clint shrugged with a grin, drawing another chuckle from you.

You saw his point – and you fully intended to keep Steve on his toes. You had a good reason to believe that your future husband enjoyed when you did.

“Oh Clinton… I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He nodded contentedly, picking up another beer and raising it for a toast, his can clinking with yours.

“Cheers to that!”

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you then, a quiet joy wrapped in one moment; the sun ending its quest, the warm breeze in your hair, the waves whispering of a journey you were about to take off to. And all that with a wordless comforting presence of your family, ready to offer you a shelter if a storm rocked your boat and the wind caused you to lose course.

As your mind wandered, you had to laugh at yourself – it was almost as if you were raised by pirates and not circus performers. Perhaps it was the little bit of free cheeky spirit these life journeys had in common what brought the metaphor to your mind. It was a bit like working with the Avengers too, always on a road, adrenaline in your veins even as you mostly stayed on the jet, ready to assist them… yet here you were pondering that maybe, you were yearning for settling down a bit more.

“Cap wouldn’t punch you anyway, right?” Clint remarked, breaking the silence and you blinked yourself back into reality, taking a moment to figure out what he was talking about.

Oh. Right. Steve punching you if you changed yourself significantly for his benefit.

You smiled softly, heart swelling in affection when the answer to that question appeared obvious.

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“Good. He’d try once and I’d put an arrow straight between his eyes,” Clint promised darkly, almost causing you to choke at the sudden violent note. He quickly fixed it with a ramble, lightening the atmosphere yet again. “Minus training of course. He’s allowed to try in order to improve your hand-to-hand. Not that he would ever land a hand on you anyway. Always so soft on you…” he grinned, seemingly alright with that attitude if not slightly calling the big strong supersoldier out.

Oh you could be cheeky too alright if that was what your brother wanted.

“That you know of.”

A confused huh was the only reaction you got – that and a puzzled look.

“He’s always soft on me,” you repeated Clint’s words, turning to him, lips slowly spreading in a wicked smirk. “That you know of.”

Clint’s brows furrowed for a short moment and then his features twisted in a disgusted grimace, face growing a tint crimson.

“Gross!” he complained, more blood rushing to his cheeks. “You know what, I changed my mind. We’re leaving. You’re not marrying him. I’m kidnapping the bride and never returning her, locking her somewhere far far away-“

You snorted at his indignation, your grin undoubtedly battling the one of the Cheshire cat.

“No will do, Bobo. I’m marrying Steve and you can’t stop me.”

This time, Clint didn’t even protest, eyes misted over, nose still scrunched at the mental image, lamenting as the night slowly settled over the paradise-like island.

“Oh god, please help, I can’t unsee it, can’t unhear it--- ew-”

Your laughter was carried away by the breeze as Clint seemed to be unable to look at you.

You swung your beer around, thinking that yes – nothing quite ever felt so right as being here in this moment. Relaxing with your brother, teasing him relentlessly and counting down hours to when you’d say ‘I do’ to the only man who in your eyes ever battled the mantle of the best man in the universe.

In one unending moment You fall within my reach I'm close enough to whisper Hold on to me Hold on to me

You weren’t sure what time it was when you snuck into the beach house, one of few, which had been wisely chosen to be occupied by you and Steve only. You attempted to be quiet and liked to think you succeeded, in your even barely tipsy state, but your effort turned out to be in vain as you found Steve perched against headboard of your bed; reading a book, thin white t-shirt and sleep shorts on display as the soft sheet had been kicked away, scrunched up by his feet.

He was gorgeous – he was gorgeous and yours, a momentary picture perfect of peace, appearing to feel just as light as you did and somehow the dullness of the moment, just him relaxing in bed with a good read as you came home… it was more alluring than one would think.

Steve looked up from the book when you wavered in the doorway, soft lopsided smile spreading on his face.

God, that smile. It might be over two years since you saw it for the first time, but it could still make you weak in your knees.

And somehow, it was now even more charming now than the day you met, more tender than just before you kissed for the first time, sweeter than when he proposed.

“Hey sweetheart,” he greeted you, appreciative gaze roaming your figure and the little too much skin on display – something you regretted when the warm sunrays had bid you goodbye, raising goosebumps. And Steve, the attentive man he was, noticed, his smile earning a teasing edge. “You look a bit cold in there.”

You resisted the urge to stick your tongue out.

“And you look pretty cosy in there. Thought you’d be either asleep or with Bucky.”

Steve shrugged, not letting go of his unfinished chapter just yet, knowing you had a routine to go through before joining him.

“Maybe I missed you. Maybe Bucky is an old man and needs his sleep.”

You chuckled, not rising to the bait – you knew what would follow if you dared to say Steve was just as old. Not that you would complain about Steve trying to convince you about the opposite. You could never.

“Well, I bet he still made you a promise of breaking a bone of mine or two if I ever hurt you. He’ll find energy for that, centenarian or not,” you hummed nonchalantly as you bounced off the doorframe, heading to the bathroom and leaving Steve puzzled by your remark.

“How did you know?” he called out after you, endearingly confused.

“That’s what big brothers do, love!”

Short silence was your answer as you reached for your toothbrush and begun your nighty ritual.

Steve must have figure out what did it mean for him, considering you had a protective brother of your own, because a moment later, his half-amused “noted!” reached your ears.

You chuckled and shook your head, smile spread on your face which you didn’t think could be erased as long as you were in this paradise – free of worry, full of joy. And why wouldn’t you be? You were about to marry one of the smartest, kindest, sassiest and most beautiful men that ever walked the Earth. What was not to love?

You couldn’t but let your mind wander again; if you had only known the day you met, right from that moment, that you’d end up here…. well. It felt a little surreal, knowing that by this time tomorrow, you’d be Steve’s wife; then again, Steve’s life story was surreal enough on its own.

Who would have thought that the stubborn handsome man in the ridiculous suit and you, equally stubborn about you at least checking on the wound upon half-dragging him to a quiet corner in a middle of a battlefield, would grow so close?

It hadn’t been simple. Steve wasn’t the most open guy and while friendly enough, he wasn’t exactly offering his heart on his sleeve, not to strangers. But it hadn’t been too hard, once you were meeting on regular basis. Piece by piece he revealed his true colours and soon after he did… you started falling; hard and fast.

Not necessarily swooning, not on the outside at least; you were a professional, after all. The safety and the well-being of the team was your priority.

It was just too bad – or the best thing, you supposed – that Steve had the same goal as you with one significant difference; as far as he was concerned, the responsibility to look after his team sometimes excluded him.

Oh, was he wrong about that.

And boy, did you let him know you thought so. You still kept proving him wrong to this day and was planning on nurturing his own acknowledgement of his self-worth till your last breath…

“Get your ass in here, Steve!” you called out after him, slowly losing patience as you had tried asking politely the previous two times with no result but being dismissed.

The change of tone and language made his head snap to you from where he was talking to Sam, an offended scowl on his face.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Captain. Don’t be a stubborn jerk and get your ass in here so I can clean your cuts.”

A few months ago, you wouldn’t have been able to talk to him like that; to the great legend, Captain America. At least you certainly wouldn’t have called him his first name and maybe, just maybe, you’d be a little less crass. But now? He might be Captain America still, a hero who deserved all the good things for the sacrifices he made for the world’s safety, but first and foremost, he was just Steve to you.

A colleague, a teammate, a friend. You might not be a part of the team per se, not the way Clint, Natasha or Steve were, but you still belonged. And you were all friends.

Friends irritated each other sometimes and frankly, Steve was often battling with Tony for the mantle of the most infuriating one.

Friends also needed to call each other out on their bullshit by any means necessary when the time was right and now the time was as good as any.

Usually, Steve slipped through your fingers, because he was a supersoldier and the others weren’t, so their injuries took precedence; today, it was only Natasha, Sam and Steve, and the captain was the only one whom you hadn’t checked yet. And you knew there were things to check, the trickle of blood from his eyebrow probably the least of your concerns.

“I wouldn’t argue with her, Steve. She can be pretty stubborn. Clint wouldn’t stop complaining about it,” Natasha supported you from the pilot seat and you fought yourself so you wouldn’t grin at her in victory – it would only irritated Steve further. “She’s almost as bull-headed as you are.”

At that, your smile would have slipped. But honestly, she wasn’t wrong.

“Don’t I know it,” Steve grunted, sparing Sam another glance and when the Falcon himself beckoned to you as well, wordlessly asking Steve to get himself checked up.

The captain sighed irately, but made his way back to the separate and well-lit space of your examination room.

He didn’t try to hide his annoyance – in fact, he squared his shoulders and his steps sounded a bit loud for anyone to believe it was a coincidence. Also, the scowl of exasperation never left his otherwise handsome face.

“This is completely unnecessary. A stupid waste of time,” he hissed as he walked past you and you took a deep calming breath, exchanging an eyeroll with Sam before you disappeared from sight.

“Captain. I respect you and your position, but you say one more time that my job here is unnecessary and stupid, you’ll be looking for a new medic,” you retorted as he stripped the upper part of his uniform angrily, revealing his white-tank-top-clad torso.

Well, at least the fabric used to be white – now a blood stain the size of both of your palms was seeping into the material at Steve’s right side, gushing from what definitely appeared to be a knife wound.

You were gonna murder him one of those days... unless he got killed himself first.

“Seriously?!”

“It’s just a graze-” he started to argue but you cut him off when you tore the fabric away. He winced as some of the dried blood had acted as a glue, having stuck the cloth into the wound, and now was violently ripped off.

“Tr to insinuate again that I’m incompetent at recognizing what’s just a graze, Steve. I dare you. This is a cut wide and deep enough for stitches! Haven’t you had the serum, you could have been bleeding out to death on this table!”

“But I do have it-“

“Or for fuck’s SAKE, stop being a baby and let me treat the bloody gash in your right mesogastric area! The serum accelerates your healing, but it doesn’t make you invincible OR immortal as far as I know--- Jesus fucking Christ-!”

He bristled, taking a deep breath to fight back, but he never got the chance, because you started working and the words died in his throat. Surprisingly, inspecting the damage, poking around a knife wound that might have already begin to seal itself thanks to Erskine’s formula but had not been just a graze hurt and coincidentally, it pulled the rug from under his feet.

To his credit, Steve barely even hissed at the pain.

“Just so you know, I’ll be using the disinfection that stings worse,” you noted, voice dripping venom, because you were genuinely done with Steve’s bullshit.

You lied through your teeth though. You wouldn’t. No matter how infuriating Steve was and how difficult he made your life – causing you to fall for his stupid martyr ass and pine after him among other things – you would never purposely hurt him.

And he must have sensed that, because your remark didn’t earn you a murderous glare or a retort – much to your surprise.

In fact, Steve fell entirely quiet, watching you work without protest, not even objecting when you applied enough local anaesthetic to knock out an elephant and sewed the tissue together so it healed easier. He let you inspect the rest of his torso and bandage his ribs, vigorously shaking his head when you asked him if he was injured anywhere below the waist.

He observed you as you kept an eye on his face for any minute sign of pain he’d be hiding, but all you could see were his irises, startlingly bright blue, pools of honesty and something you had trouble decoding. He seemed… humbled almost. It silenced the anger inside you, the flames of rage – and fear for his well-being, if you were being honest with yourself – turning into a barely smouldering pile of ash.

When you moved on to his head, gently pushing away the strands which obscured the gash on his eyebrow, his eyelids slid shut. You knew how unpleasant facial injuries were, especially around one’s eyes and so you took care to be extra careful as you cleaned the wound and the area surrounding it, most definitely not using the stingy disinfectant.

Not that Steve could get an infection as far as you knew. It was more force of a habit than anything else… and it made you feel better. He had this idiotic mask of an invincible hero he put up sometimes and it drove you insane, because you knew he was only human, a beautiful kind soul, but god, could he be an ass.

“Almost done,” you whispered soothingly when you noticed his jaw tightening as you had to apply a bit more pressure to get a tiny piece of gravel from the cut. You certainly didn’t want that to stay under the newly healing skin.

The moment you retreated with the bloody gauze, Steve’s eyes were back on you, wide and regretful.

“I’m sorry,” he offered quietly, a genuine apology that sounded almost absurd after you two were hissing at each other like damn hellcats. “I didn’t mean to--- I’m sorry for being rude and ungrateful. Thank you for taking care of my injuries.”

One glance into those deep irises and benign hesitant smile and you were done for. How could you stay mad at him? Well, you were still mad at him for the absolute disregard of his own health, but… well. You also understood he felt like he needed to stay strong for the team and put them first and how he actually was in pain.

Pretty much everyone was a pain in the ass when in pain.

You sighed as you searched for few band-aid strips to cover the cut.

“It’s alright, Steve. I’m used to old men being grumpy and not meaning things they say when they are,” you offered lightly and he hung his head with a chuckle, clearly not taking the old man remark personally – and understanding you were referring to your brother.

His smile was wider when he looked up again. “You shouldn’t have to be used to it.”

You shrugged, carefully slipping two fingers under his chin to angle his face so you could stick the strips over the wound.

“Well, I deserve it sometimes. I don’t mean to… to be overbearing and make you feel like you’re incompetent or something,” you added hesitantly, worrying your teeth over your lower lip as the tone you’d been handling him with caught up with you. Perhaps you could have been nicer.

You smoothened the stripes of band-aid, gulping as you felt Steve’s gaze boring into your face while you continued.

“I know you’re not incompetent. You’re very capable, you’re the best. It’s just… I still--- worry- for all of you. For the full-time Earth’s mightiest heroes. Silly, huh?” you muttered self-depreciatingly and when your eyes met, you were startled by the intensity he watched you with as you laid your fears bare in front of him, leaving you vulnerable. You swiftly looked away and dropped your hands. “Here, almost as good as new.”

A lump grew in your throat as you stripped your gloves, tossing them into the bin. Did you reveal too much? Didn’t it sound silly indeed as you said it out loud? Yes, you were all friendly with each other, but you were supposed to be a professional, focused on your task, not getting distracted by-

-by Steve gently grasping your wrist, causing your heart to skip a startled beat. Definitely not getting weak in the knees when you shot him a surprised glance and he just… brought your hand to his face, lips briefly skimming over your knuckles.

Jesus Christ, Lord have mercy with me.

“Don’t you ever apologize for caring. Don’t stop caring. Silly is the last thing I’d call it.”

Your cheeks felt like set on fire, stomach fluttering as well as your heart. You could feel the ghost of Steve’s lips on your skin, sending your heartrate sky-high, causing your head to spin a bit, your body hot all over.

Did he really—did he just-? And did it mean that… did it mean anything at all?

He let go of your hand, thumb brushing over your knuckles, but held your gaze adamantly as he gave you a sad smile and rose to his feet, clearly ready to leave.

You, on the hand, stood there frozen, mind racing.

Why had he done that? Was he really just trying to express gratitude and say sorry for his previous behaviour? Because that was not the way it was supposed to be done, because such tenderness left you entirely bewildered. Was he trying to tell you he was somehow interested in something more than friendship? Was he just high from the anaesthetic, mind you, local one that was not supposed to mess with his brain? Was there any sign of a head injury you missed?

“Thank you, again,” he whispered softly, moving to sidestep you and your hand instinctively shot out, latching onto his forearm… gently.

You gulped, heart stuttering when he glanced at you, puzzled.

One part of you wanted to sink into the floor in embarrassment at your unwitting reaction. Another part of you observed him so closely that you would swear that there was another emotion in his eyes and it was neither apology nor gratitude. You wistfully hoped for longing, the same longing you felt when you were near him, sometimes distant and barely there, other times so acute it hurt.

With your stomach somersaulting in doubt, you willed yourself to raise your free hand slowly, purposely giving him a chance – Lord, please, don’t let him take it – to stop you before your palm settled on his cheek.

You were certain you experienced a small cardiac arrest when Steve not only didn’t avoid the touch, but actually leaned into it, gaze fixed on your face, eyes brighter and softer than you ever remembered seeing. Your gaze flickered to his mouth deliberately, throat turning dry. Too daring? He kissed you knuckles, surely you could reciprocate some affection?

Swallowing against your dry throat, you leaned in before you could change your mind and dropped the briefest peck to his lips, causing his eyelids to flutter shut.

Oh no. Oh no no no no, you totally crossed a line-

You went to retreat your hands from him, but the second you moved, his eyes were snapping open, hand covering yours on his face to keep it there, the other cradling your face and then there was a warm and soft sensation on your own lips as he seized them with his.

Your mind went completely blank save two single thoughts: Steve is kissing me. I really like that.

A small sound escaped you, a blend of surprise and contentment, breaking you from your trance and turning you into an actual participant of the pleasant and entirely unexpected activity.

You drew in a small breath, head spinning from the scent of Steve’s shampoo, disinfectant, sweat and something you couldn’t quite put your finger on and not caring.

He tasted faintly of blood, but otherwise was nothing but sweet as his lips caressed yours, gently tugging at your lower lip and then the upper, the lightest graze of teeth and tease of tongue, finger pressing into your jaw to pull you closer, thumb stroking your cheek.

You whimpered involuntarily when his lips parted from yours, soothing as they returned for a short peck, to drop a brief kiss to the corner of your mouth, to brush your cheek.

Your name was a breathy whisper between the two of you, barely audible as all you could hear was your heartbeat pulsing frantically in your ears, growing aware of your fingers clutching at Steve’s still unzipped armour and nearly sinking in his hair, his hot breath tickling your skin.

You didn’t dare to open your eyes – what if you dreamed it up? What if you looked at him and saw regret – it didn’t feel like he would be regretting it, but… still. Insecurity tugged at your mind as it slowly cleared from the literally breath-taking kiss.

Steve repeated your name with urgency that was unheard of, the single word sounding almost as a plea.

“Please say something.”

Oh.

You blinked your eyes open, surprised to be met with his searching gaze, a minute furrow of his brows. It seemed you weren’t the only one whose mind was being the worst of one’s enemies.

Perhaps your brain was being stupid. Perhaps you both wanted this. Perhaps you felt exactly the same.

As you forced yourself to move, fingers actually slipping into his hair to caress his nape, Steve inhaled shakily, shoulders slumping. The tinniest of smiles tugged at his mouth, tempting red and minutely swollen from the kiss; you had to resist the urge to just taste it again.

Instead, you licked your lips only, savouring the previous sensations, smiling unwittingly.

“That’s… uhm, that’s a really creative new way of driving me crazy.”

Steve’s eyebrows rose along with one corner of his mouth, relief written all over his face.

“Oh? There are other ways in which I’m driving you crazy? Because I couldn’t tell...”

You narrowed your eyes, but you didn’t think he bought you unconvincing act of being irritated with him at such remark.

“Don’t push it, Captain,” you warned him, but your treacherous mouth kept curling up in a smile, your body still buzzing with aftershocks of the kiss.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Uh-huh… s-sure,” you stuttered briefly as his thumb caressed your cheek, bright smiling eyes watching only inches from your face – and yet it felt like he was too far.

“You’re driving me crazy too, you know,” he noted in a breathy voice, causing you to gulp as his gaze flickered to your mouth, clearly implying how you do so… among other ways… like your stubbornness practically matching his.

“Oh really? I do? I couldn’t tell…”

He chuckled, his hand slipping to your nape, soft tickle of his fingers making you squirm.

“I’m gonna kiss you again now if that’s okay,” he whispered, not waiting for your permission and erasing the distance between your lips again.

Still, you whispered your approval to his mouth.

“So okay…”

Long moments later when Sam called out to warn you that you’d be landing soon, you said yes to the grumpy old man’s request to let him treat you dinner.

Oh if you only knew by then how far you’d come…

Lost in thought, goofy smile on your face, you exited the bathroom, ready to snuggle your future husband… and to fully take the opportunity to make love, last night before you officially became his and he became yours.

You had a brief second to register that the bed was empty, your heart skipping a started and disappointed beat. The second you stepped out though, you were literally swept off your feet.

A yelp erupted from your throat as you found yourself with no ground under your feet and high in the air, one of Steve’s arms under your knees, the other under your back. Your hands frantically gripped at the nearest firm point, Steve’s shoulder and arm as you finally realized what the hell happened and was met with a cheeky grin and sparkling blue of his eyes.

That traitor was waiting just by the door to ambush you! Why?

You slapped his very much bare shoulder playfully, hissing a curse, not unaware of the heat radiating of him and seeping into your skin.

“You jerk! You almost gave me a heart attack!” you complained, but he didn’t even have the decency to look apologetic.

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

“No, you’re not.”

Steve grinned wider, shrugging and pulling you closer to his torso, nuzzling your temple and dropping a placatory kiss there.

“Still looking a little cold.”

“No, I look like this because you scared me,” you emphasized, vainly trying to resist the seduction; a mixture of playfulness, sweetness and blatant display of strength as he still held you with ease. It was hard not to be temped. “And you look like you’re awfully warm, parading here without a shirt.”

“Well, I’d call us even since you’re parading around in these absolutely sinful shorts. Makes me hot. I can warm you up,” he mumbled to your skin, lips moving to your ear, causing you to shudder.

How was it so easy for him to make you all hot and bothered? You guessed that at least, as he said, it made you even... it wasn’t difficult to get him riled up either.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Driving you crazy?” Steve offered, sounding awfully delighted at the idea and you only melted into him further at the reminiscence of your first kiss and what followed.

“Always,” you confirmed, deadly serious, but you couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of your lips or the mewl that escaped you when his teeth grazed the shell of your ear, warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

“But you love it.”

“Uh-huh…”

“I can live with that with that then,” he said, stalking to the bed determinately. “Now let me drive you so crazy you can barely speak and the only sound you’re making is whimpering my name.”

He all but tossed you on the bed, a yelp of his name in fact erupting from your throat, followed by a fit of giggles that only died when his mouth seized yours, his lips only leaving when heading south to indeed drive you crazy.

And yes; you loved it.

And you loved him too.

In one unending moment I fall within your reach My song a sweet surrender Hold on to me Hold on to me

Before the girls could steal you from him, Steve decided – with your enthusiastic agreement – that you should once again try how it felt to make some morning lovin’ outside marriage. With the ceremony planned for the late afternoon, you had plenty of time; and needless to say, it was bliss. Then again, you believed that marital sex with Steve would be just as delightfully pleasant, thank you very much.

Then, it was a whirlwind – make up, hair, dress, a tear or two spilled when you saw the result in the mirror.

More tears spilled when you glanced out of the window and saw the tastefully and modestly decorated arch, the path created by few scattered rose petals, the male part of your almost family sans Clint in the suits, effectively hiding Steve from you; and you from his just in case, because no one wanted any bad luck.

Your staring was interrupted when your brother went to pick you up to lead you down the aisle.

Upon entering the room and setting his gaze on you, he promptly looked away with a sniffle. It both warmed your heart and made you laugh as did his remark.

“Nope, not giving you to him. In fact, I’m never giving you to anyone. No one will ever be worthy, so I’m keeping you.”

“Hush, Clinton, you’ll still have me,” Natasha winked at him as he took a deep calming breath before carefully eyeing you again.

Clearly, it hadn’t done the job, because few tears still found their way down his cheeks.

“You’re a knock-out, sis,” he sputtered hastily, but no less honestly – clearly moved to tears.

And yet… you snorted at his choice of words and he rolled his eyes, quick to compliment your beauty instead.

You wouldn’t have it any other way though, even appreciating his first remark more for it came from the bottom of his heart rather than from what convention required.

Embracing you carefully in fear he would mess up the work of art his wife and other girls created, he held you in his arms for a moment, as you retuned the hug, clutching at his suit with a little too force. From the corner of your eye, you noticed the bridesmaids clearing the room.

“It’s not like I’m leaving you, Bobo,” you hummed with a smile, throwing his own words from last night at him.

And you weren’t leaving him; your heart swelled with love for your brother, your father figure, your long-life friend.

With sniffle, he let go of you and looked you up and down, proud smile spreading on his lips.

“It’s okay. If you are, I have the best spy in the world for a wife, we’ll drag your ass back home.”

You just slapped his chest playfully and took a deep breath – it was time. Clint grasped your hand firmly then, elbows interlocking, and went to step out just a moment after the bridesmaids left to join the groomsmen.

Well-aware everyone was going to stare and that Steve awaited you at the end of the aisle to marry you, your legs were shaking minutely as the magnitude of the event finally dawned to you.

“Getting second thoughts now?” Clint teased you, eliciting a chuckle from you and shake of your head.

What a question.

“No. Just… please don’t let me fall,” you muttered to him, entirely serious and grateful for your choice of footwear – simple flats hidden by the long flowing skirt of your dress. Better chance of not spraining your ankle on your wedding day.

“Never.”

Clint squeezed your hand under his warm palm and you took a deep breath, stepping into the doorway. Soft melody welcomed you, your very own wedding march Bruce was playing on a mouth organ – something you had previously had no idea he was capable of.

Looking up from your skirt, you feasted your eyes on the company and the beautiful scenery for only a regretfully short moment, grateful for Sam’s Redwing programmed to record and take photos.

Your gaze instinctively searched the small crowd instead, until it fell under the arch where three men stood.

One of them was Sam himself, having obtained a licence so he could be your wedding registrar; he looked positively dashing. So did Bucky, who patted his best friend dressed in his old-fashioned green captain uniform on the shoulder, his smirk visible even from tens feet away as he stepped back.

Naturally, your gaze lingered on Steve, your feet acting of their own accord and following your brother’s lead.

Gosh, your future husband was the most handsome and absolutely hottest specimen to ever walk the Earth. Hair combed neatly to one side and in his old army uniform, he truly looked like the gentleman from another era he was and yet, he undeniably belonged exactly where he was. His eyes were bright and blue just like the sky, lips slightly parting before curling up into a brilliant smile which somehow still carried the tenderness he treated you with when he felt particularly affectionate.

He must have uttered something under his breath, because Bucky pressed his lips together as if he was holding back laugh. The absolutely best best man, ladies and gentleman.

Your found yourself smiling just as widely, a stray tear tickling the corner of your eye and you had to fight the sudden urge to ditch Clint in order to gather your skirts and run the rest of the way just to jump into Steve’s arms.

But in reality, there was no rush – here, on the damn island Tony rented, there was so much time that one short walk meant nothing in comparison.

“Alright, maybe I’ll give you to him,” Clint whispered, making you bite the inside of your cheek so you would cackle.

Leave it to your brother he would find Steve Rogers so fine he’d be willing to give you out just to have him become a part of your family.

One corner of Steve’s lips twitched in amusement – supersoldier hearing didn’t miss the remark then. Good. Then Bucky heard it too and you had a witness just in case Clint would change his mind. Again.

Finally, with your heart almost in your throat, you reached the end of the aisle, Clint gently putting your hand into Steve’s… without letting go.

“You be nice to her, Cap. And I mean really nice, you hear? Or else-“

“Hush,” you hissed good-naturedly in your brother’s direction, winking at him before you returned your gaze to Steve. “Hey there, handsome.”

Steve chuckled under his breath when Clint stepped back. He returned the greeting with soft ‘hey there, beautiful’ and then proceeded to lift your joined hands, brushing your knuckles with his lips – just like the day you shared your first kiss.

Well now you truly found yourself on the verge of crying. And Lord, you wanted to kiss him so much-

Sam cleared his throat loudly, casting you both a meaningful look as if he could read your mind and wanted to remind you that there were a few things to go through before that could happen.

Ugh. Formalities. Just let me kiss him…

Steve licked his lips – the audacity! – and turned, lightly tugging at your hand so you both faced your friend who held a little leather book open, beckoning towards the guests: Bucky and Natasha, the best man and the best woman, Clint, Bruce, Tony, Vision, Wanda, Sharon, Pepper. Just your closest friends and family.

Sam cleared his throat again.

“Alright. We all know why we gathered here today. To get these two amazing people married, so they could officially become a special team within our team.”

You grinned, peripherally noticing Steve eyeing you as well. Team indeed.

“This is the part where I would ask all of you, bride and groom included, to speak up now if you’re aware of anything standing in the way of this wedlock or to remain silent forever. But frankly, if you have something to say, right now is the perfect time to keep it to yourself. Just let these lovebirds get married…”

Muffled laughter and giggles erupted from your group. Honestly, you wouldn’t say it better. You noticed Clint shifting and Natasha forcefully holding his hand down; you bit down on your lip so you wouldn’t laugh and sent her a grateful smile instead. The best maid of honour ever.

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear, folks. We have the rings, correct? Great. Just so you know, these two saps asked me to read one vow which they are making to each other, because they didn’t trust themselves to say theirs individually without bursting into tears. So now it’s left to me to cry instead. Thanks for that.”

Your cheeks were honestly starting to hurt from smiling so wide, but tears prickled in your eyes acutely just at the thought of the vow you agreed on. You spent countless hours thinking about what you wanted to say and realized that your vow would be too long and that you would in fact start crying and that you could never name all the things you loved Steve for. It had been a relief to find out that Steve shared the sentiment and the deal was made.

Natasha and Bucky dutifully laid the rings on the pillow Wanda’s powers held levitating by your and Steve’s side – not without Bucky finding a split second to compliment your appearance and earning a brief smirk from Steve.

“I know,” Steve uttered and you wondered if there was a dare going around as to who would make you burst out laughing first.

This was your wedding dammit. You could be at least a bit a lady and remain collected.

Hardly.

“With this ring,” Sam started, breathing in and out and you knew you already lost, first tear rolling down your cheek as you gazed into Steve’s inviting eyes, “I give myself to you without giving up myself. With this ring, I surrender to you for I have faith you understand the value of wielding such power and for I deem you worthy of it. With this ring, I promise to love you, to respect you and to support you to be your best self as I trust you to do the same for me, for us.”

You blinked away the waterfalls, reaching almost blindly for Steve’s ring and with fingers trembling – with giddiness, not nerves – you somehow succeeded at slipping it on his left ring finger.

“I do,” you whispered, your voice cracking even in such simple sentence and the watery smile Steve graced you with made your ribcage feel too small for your swelling heart.

Fingers equally clumsy, he slipped a ring on you as well, shoulders squaring as if in pride.

“I do,” he said firmly, the damp path down his left cheek only adding severity to his vow.

“You may-- uhm, okay, you may kiss the bride, your wife--- I mean, Mrs. Rogers. You may kiss the groom, your husband…” Sam mumbled under his breath until he didn’t, because Steve pulled you in for a kiss the same moment Sam said the first ‘may’ and incidentally, the same moment you practically threw yourself at Steve.

Laughter and whistles erupted from the group of your friends as Steve bend you back dramatically, the determined press of his lips to yours not at all disrupted by the change of angle, claiming your mouth in ways that made you shudder and stirred flames in your belly.

Years and years later, you’d recall that kiss and realized an amazing thing; how it felt just like your first kiss, your last one, and every single one in between.

With you still practically horizontal, Steve’s crinkling eyes met yours, delighted smile on his kiss-swollen lips.

“I love you, Mrs. Rogers,” he hummed, adding a cheeky grin. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“The horror,” you muttered back teasingly, pulling at his nape, demanding another kiss, your own declaration whispered to his mouth. “I love you too, Mr. Rogers.”

And you did. Gosh, you did.

S.R. masterlist

(divider by firefly-graphics)

Well. This turned out SO DIFFERENTLY than I anticipated and SO MUCH LONGER. If you feel like leaving feedback, I’ll be grateful. If not, well. *shurgs*

Excuse me while I go and continue dreaming of ONE fictional man. Ugh. Anyway.

Thank you for reading!

And once again, thanks to WIYBUPT for hosting and for just being awesome in general :)

#catfa 10th anniversary challenge #fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fluff #barton reader #barton reader fic #captain america x reader #captain america x you #captain america imagine #steve rogers #captain america #steve rogers fafiction #steve rogers fanfic #my timid hello my clumsy goodbye #anika ann

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libraryofloveletters · 4 years ago

Text

Amnesia

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: Fem!reader, cheesy love letters, crying, break ups, mentions of blood and injuries

Category: Angst

Word Count: 3.3k

Author’s Note: mkay, I didn't use the whole song. It flips back and forth between the reader and Spencer’s pov, flashbacks of their relationship are in italics!

Song: Amnesia

----

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted

I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted

Aaron placed a paper on your desk. You glanced up at him as he gave your shoulder a small squeeze. Spencer’s eyes were on you and you could feel it. You weren't ready to tell them that you were transferring.

Working with Spencer after the breakup was hard.

You did what you believed was best for the team. You stood up and walked out to take a phone call, leaving everything where it was, figuring that you’ll pack up after everyone leaves.

Spencer watches Penelope walk to your desk, her eyes scanning the paper on your desk. “It’s.. oh my god” she says, Derek looks over at her “what is it mama?”

“Transfer papers. Y/n’s leaving the BAU”

Everyone’s eyes were on you as you walked back into the bullpen, everyone but Spencer. Penelope sat at your desk, the paper in her hand. “You’re really leaving ?” she had a small pout on her face, you nodded. “Oh baby” she pulled you into a hug, soon enough everyone came over.

Everyone knew why you were transferring, it didn't need to be said. Spencer was on the team first, it was only fair that if one of you were going to leave then it would be you.

“Come and visit all the time” JJ said as she and Emily hugged you, Emily nodding in agreement.

“I’m gonna miss you mama” Derek gave you a good solid squeeze, “gonna miss you too, D”

In typical Rossi fashion, you were greeted by two kisses on the cheek. “Don’t be a stranger kid” you smiled at him.

Penelope hugged you once more, “promise you’ll come and see me all the time. Oh! and we’ll still have our weekly lunch and gossip” you laughed, “of course Penny, I wouldn't miss it for the world”

Even Aaron seemed sad by your departure, “take care of yourself y/n” “you too Aaron” he gave you a small hug.

Finally, Spencer stood up and made his way over. He gave you a quick and semi awkward hug before wishing you good luck.

JJ, Penelope and Emily helped you pack up your desk and made you promise once more that you’ll come visit them. You glanced over at Spencer on your way to the elevator, his head was down in his book, his finger trailed across the page as he read. Once again, JJ, Emily and Penelope pulled you into a group hug before letting you get in the elevator. You smiled at them as the doors shut.

The thought of your hug with Spencer replayed in your head.

And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?

When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

7 months have passed since you last set foot in the BAU. You had been keeping up with the team outside of work. You had seen the girls for drinks one night, popped into Rossi’s for dinner, went over to help Derek with his latest house project and visited Aaron at one of Jack’s games. Only person you hadn’t seen was Spencer.

At one of your girl’s nights, you met a guy named Jacob. The two of you hit it off and exchanged phone numbers, which led to a date which ended in you and Jacob starting a relationship.

You had kept the girls in the loop about your budding romance with Jacob, but only the good parts. They didn't know about the fights and the sleepless nights.

You were currently have one of those sleepless nights. Tumbling through your boxes of stuff from your apartment with Spencer, you came across a stack of letters.

You opened one of them and began reading,

“To my darling y/n,

This week has been tough. I wasn’t sure how to help you physically but I decided to help you the way I know how too, through words. Just a little reminder to make you feel better, hopefully. It was 2 years ago tonight that I asked you to be mine and you told me you loved me. You changed my life that evening, leading us on a journey that would bring us so much joy.

Every time I look at you, my love for you grows deeper, a degree of love I didn't know I possessed. Whenever something good happens, you’re the first person I want to tell and when something bad happens, I know I can count on you to take me in your arms and tell me that everything will be okay. I can only hope that I'm that person for you because I want to be, because I'm here for you and I always will be.

I’m the luckiest man in the world because I can say with all of my heart, that I'm in love with my best friend. I know that I can't give you the world, but I promise to hold on to you forever, there is nothing that would give me greater joy than seeing you happy.

Your love is everything to me.

There’s not another in the world that can hold a candle to you, my love, as you are my one and only. I love you more than even the most heartfelt words can express.

Yours always,

Spencer. R”

The tears rolled off your face and onto the paper. Spencer had always had a way of telling you exactly what you needed to hear, even if you weren't with him.

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

Y/n and her boyfriend sat at Rossi’s dinner table with the rest of the team. He had invited her to the team dinner because they all missed her, even Spencer, although he would never admit that.

Spencer knew she was coming, he just didn’t expect her to bring her new boyfriend. It felt wrong for her to do that because he would never bring another girl to a team dinner.

There would never be another girl for him.

They sat there laughing along with everyone as Derek told his story. His hand was on her shoulder and her smile was still as beautiful as it had always been. Spencer couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, she had captured his attention once again.

“Pretty boy” Derek called out to him, breaking Spencer’s gaze away from her.

“What is it ?”

“Did you hear what I said ?”

“Fran took your sister to the doctors only to find out that it was a hickey and not a burn mark. I heard you Derek”

Y/n’s eyes were on Spencer as he spoke. Spencer glanced over at her, their eyes meeting. It felt like forever before either of them looked away. She gave him a small smile before shifting slightly which caused her boyfriend’s hand to fall off her shoulder.

A glimmer of hope flashed through Spencer’s body. Her boyfriend’s hand falling off your shoulder, maybe it was intentional, maybe she was trying to tell him that she wanted Spencer and not him.

Or maybe it was all in his head, he was reading too much into it.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

I remember the make-up running down your face

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

Like every single wish we ever made

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

The two of you stood in your bedroom screaming at each other.

“How am I supposed to know what you’re thinking Spencer ? I can't read your friggin’ mind!”

“Maybe if you paid attention to someone other than yourself, you’d know how I felt!”

You scoffed and shook your head, you could not believe him right now. “What? you know it’s true y/n” he uttered, taking a seat on the bed

“I can’t believe you. Out of all the people in the world, you call me self centred ?”

“I didn’t say tha-”

“No, but you did. If only I paid attention to someone other than myself right ?”

He rolled his eyes, he was acting like a child and he knew that. The last few weeks you’ve been wrapped up in work and honestly, yes, you had been a little distant but you were going to tell him why tonight. Since he wanted to act like a child and argue with you, why not give him what he wants? Since you never pay attention right?

“I try my best to be there for you Spencer, I always do and you know that. You told me I coddle you too much, so I gave you your space. When you were worried about your mom, I sat up with you all night and helped you come up with ways to help her. When you were in the hospital, I sat by your bed day and night. Whenever you needed me, I was there for you. I dropped everything for you. So don’t you even dare to pull that I only focus on myself shit with me.”

He was quiet, you stood in front of him. His arms reached out for you but you stepped away.

“I don’t think you love me anymore y/n” Spencer whispered.

“What?” you were in shock.

“We haven't been okay for the last few weeks. This isn’t working, we barely talk and we see each other everyday, all day.”

“Spence, I know I've been busy with work but I-” he cut you off

“y/n, please. don’t.” He looked up at you with a sadness in his eyes. The tears threatened to fall but you held your ground. You couldn't let him see you fall apart, you wouldn't.

“That’s it then ?” you looked at him, your face expressionless. “3 years for nothing?”

“I’m sorry”

“You’re not.” You picked up your go bag from the corner of the closet. “I’ll be back for my stuff another day”

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone

I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone

And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on

Spencer was moving out today. He couldn’t stay in a house full of memories.

Memories of her.

Derek had come over to help him pack up the last of his stuff. Spencer emptied his clothing into a suitcase, just throwing everything from the drawers into the suitcase.

A picture had fallen onto the pile of clothes, it laid face down. It must have been buried between the clothes. Spencer picked it up, flipping it over. A smile creeped onto his face, it was one of those 4 frame pictures from a photo booth. You had managed to convince him to take one with you on your first official date as a couple.

He sat on the bed, his finger brushing over the picture. The memories of that day coming back to him like it was yesterday.

“Spence pleaseee” you begged him.

“Y/n, do you know how many germs those photo booths have?” He gave her a stern look.

“I promise to let you shower with bleach or lysol. Whatever will get the germs off” you laughed, he shook his head with a smile on his face.

“Just this once” you grabbed his hand. He nodded, “just this once”

The first picture was of the two of you laughing, your hand rested on his cheek. The second picture, you were in the same position, the two of you were smiling at each other and his hand rested on yours. The third picture, your foreheads were against each others and the final picture was of the 2 of you kissing. A tear rolled down his face, how could he have let you go like that? It hurt him just to think of you, let alone of how he let you go.

“Pretty bo- what’s wrong?” Derek walked into the room, taking a seat beside him on the bed. Derek looks down at his hand to see the picture. Spencer looks at him, face covered in tears. Spencer opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, instead he falls into Derek’s arms.

“Shh, it’s okay. let it out man, you’ll be okay”

“Why did I let her go?” Spencer mumbled into his shoulder

“What do you mean ?”

“I just let her leave. I should have tried harder”

“Spencer, she’s happy. Don’t beat yourself up okay ? You’ll be happy again too. I know you will”

It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

“Oh my sweet Derek!” Penelope’s heels clicked as she made her way into the bullpen.

Derek spun his chair around at the sound of her voice, “hey mama. What’s going on?” he got up and gave her his chair. She sat down and Derek leaned against the edge of his desk, she grabbed his hand.

“You’ll never guess who came to visit me today!”

“Who was it babygirl?”

“y/n! and she bought my favourite cold brew for me, oh man I miss her” Penelope let out a big breath between leaning back in Derek’s chair. Derek chuckled, “how is she?”

Spencer’s head perked up when Penelope said your name. He couldn’t help but wander over to Derek’s desk. “She’s good, her and Jacob ended things but she’s happy.” Penelope smiled at Derek.

“Hey Spence” Penelope smiled at him, he gave her a tight lipped smile. “Just needed to borrow this stapler” he picked up the first thing he saw which was the stapler.

“You have one on your desk pretty boy” Derek chuckled, “yeah. mines broken”

The truth was that Spencer just wanted to know how she was. He was glad to hear that she ended things with her boyfriend, maybe he could talk to her and fix things. There was that glimmer of hope again.

He knew it was foolish to think that they could go back to what they had, or to even be friends but he truly hoped that she would come back to him.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

I remember the make-up running down your face

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

Like every single wish we ever made

Spencer sat at his desk when the door unlocked. You stepped in and sighed, “hey” Spencer looked up at you from his book.

“Oh sorry, I didn't realize you’d be home. I figured you were still at the office” you mumbled, shutting the door.

“It’s fine. You're here for your stuff?” he asked, watching as you place your keys beside his. You nodded, “everything is still where it’s always been” he said before turning his attention to his book. You headed into the bedroom to pack up the rest of the clothes you had left.

You bumped into the bedside table knocking over the picture frame that was on it. “Shit” you bent down to pick up the pieces but you cut your finger on a piece of glass. Spencer walked into the bedroom after he heard the frame fall.

“Y/n, are you okay ?” he helped you up, leading you to the bathroom.

“I’m fine, I just cut my finger in the frame” you ran some water over your hand. You watched as the blood washed down the drain, not waiting to make eye contact with Spencer. “Let me get you a bandaid” he bent down to get one from the drawer, his head brushing against your leg.

“I’m fine” you walked out of the bathroom, his hand grabbed yours. He wrapped the bandage around your finger and you let him. “Thanks” you mumbled before stuffing the rest of your clothes into the suitcase. He walked with you to the front door.

“Thanks for letting me come get my stuff”

“You don’t need to thank me y/n”

You went to unlock the door when you felt Spencer’s hand on yours. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Spencer asked you quietly, you shook your head and let out a shaky breath. “Spencer... don’t do this. please”

“I can't let you go”

“it’s over, okay? you can't stop me from leaving”

“y/n I love you” he whispered, looking at you.

“I love you too Spencer, but what’s done is done”

Spencer stood there, the two of you looking at each other. His back against the door and your hand on the knob. You felt the tear roll down your cheek, you watched his hand reach up to wipe it away. Spencer’s hand rested on your cheek, his thumb rubbing softly against your face.

Right then and there, you wanted nothing more than to be in his arms again but you know you had to hold yourself together.

“Move, please” you looked at him, pushing his hand away from your face.

A small okay left his lips before he stepped away from the door.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me

Like all of this was just some twisted dream

I'd hold you closer than I ever did before

And you'd never slip away

“Good morning sleepy head” you smiled at him from the door.

Spencer sat up and smiled at you. “Morning” you made your way over the bed with a cup of coffee for him. You set the mug on the bedside table before hopping back into bed with him.

Spencer lays back down making himself comfortable against your chest. “How’d you sleep sweets?” you asked him as you ran your fingers through his curls.

“I slept okay” he flipped over and onto his stomach. He rested his cheek on your stomach while looking up at you.

The sun shined through the cracks in the curtains. The light glistened across your bare skin, accentuating your beauty.

“Angel” Spencer mumbled smiling up at you.

Your thumb rubbed softly against his cheek, “hm?” you smiled at him.

“You look like an angel” his words causing you to blush.

Tell me this is just a dream

'Cause I'm really not fine at all

Spencer's alarm goes off.

6am.

He rolled over to find an empty bed. Being back in your arms, you looking like an angel from the��heavens was all a dream.

You were actually gone.

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swan--writes · 4 years ago

Note

Can you please do a Dewey x Reader with the song ‘Naked’ by James Arthur?

What a song to end my requests on, damn. Thank you for requesting this, whoever you are. Now, allow me to make this entirely about myself.

A bit more than a year ago, I had an opportunity to say something to somebody, and while I meant everything I said to him, I didn’t say everything I meant. This is what I should have said.

Warnings: a breakup

Words: 1,540

Hey, you there.

Shirts, socks, pants, toothbrush, chord charts, guitar picks – including the one that had fallen behind the radiator in your living room and you’d never bothered to fish out.

Can we take it to the next level, baby, do you dare?

By the time you had all of Dewey’s things together in the gym bag you never used it was mostly dark outside. Cloudy skies again, but you felt clearer than you had in months. Since you started dating Dewey. You cared about him, more than you could express in just one day. It would likely take months for you to fully process your feelings. But enough of them had made it into the clearing of what mental space you could spare for you to know what needed to happen now.

Dewey needed to leave.

‘Cause if you can’t say the words…

You had been waiting long enough.

I don’t know why I should care.

You were sitting on the couch beside the bag when he got to your place from work.

“Hey, babe!” he greeted you, breathless, eyes shining. He stomped the snow from his boots and kicked them off at the door. What little of his face you could see between his hat and scarf was red from the cold. His nose was especially bright.

Dewey was adorable, and the thought was a pang in your heart. Still, you waited patiently for him to finish filling you in on his day so you could tell him what was on your mind. No going back now.

“…so Freddy’s losing his friggin’ mind at this point, Lawrence can’t focus on what he’s doing, the backup singers have stopped. And then April comes in with this sick riff and Freddy loses track of what he’s doing…” Dewey collapsed onto the couch on the other side of the bag. You just watched him. “Those kids are amazing, I swear.”

Yeah, I’m right here…

Dewey leaned his arm on the gym bag and shook his head. Then he stopped, frowned, and looked down at the bag. “Hey, babe?”

“Hm.”

“What’s this doing out here?” For the first time since arriving at your apartment, Dewey looked at your face. Panic immediately spiked in his eyes. “What?”

I’m trying to make it clear…

“We need to talk,” you said quietly. This wasn’t the way you wanted to start, but what else were you supposed to say?

That getting half of you just ain’t enough.

Dewey hesitated, but shifted to face you more fully. “Okay. What’s up?” He tried to laugh, but it seemed to get caught somewhere in his throat.

You took a breath, trying not to be too dramatic but needing to steady yourself. “Okay,” you muttered. Then you turned your gaze fully to your partner.

I’m standing here naked.

“We don’t fit into each other’s lives as well as we used to,” you said. “I know you’ve been busy, and you know I have been too. But I have been trying to make a space for you, and I’m not really feeling that from you.”

Dewey tried to give you a look. “Well, that’s not really–”

You held up a hand. “Let me say this.”

More surprised than anything, it seemed, Dewey closed his mouth. You took another short breath and pressed on with your rehearsed monologue.

The mirrors in your apartment had probably had enough of you.

“Now, I know that I have a tendency to worry about my relationships--all of my relationships when they start feeling distant.” That much was true. “But I also know that if I don’t trust my instincts, I usually end up out on my ass.” That was also true.

You laughed then, lightly, trying to lift some of the heaviness between the two of you. The corners of Dewey’s mouth turned up ever so slightly, and you silently congratulated yourself.

“And what my instincts are telling me is to screw censoring my feelings. Because I have been,” you admitted. Dewey nodded, possibly in understanding, or maybe in agreement – you weren’t sure. Still, you continued and said, for the first time, “I kinda love you, Dewey.”

He stopped moving.

You rolled your eyes at yourself. “No, not ‘kinda.’ I do.” You looked at him again. He seemed paler than usual, but he was maintaining a poker face. “And I know you don’t feel the same, and I wish I could be okay with that. But, um…” You tried to keep from twisting your lips. Dewey said your name, but you held up a hand again. Your hand was shaking. You decided not to care. “But it’s not.”

Hey, get out.

“Maybe it’s a matter of time – or timing – or maybe it’s not. I don’t think it really matters. We’ve been together for four months, and I’m already the one who cares more.”

I’ve got nothing left to give, and you give me nothing now.

“Again,” you muttered, mostly to yourself and looking at the back of the couch rather than at Dewey. He was still watching you. “And I think it’ll probably stay that way.”

“Do you?” Dewey asked faintly.

“Yeah, my heart doesn’t like to let people go. It’s kinda stubborn that way.”

“And you don’t think that I’ll…” He swallowed. “I mean, it’s not like I don’t care about you.”

“I know.”

“‘Cause I do. I care a lot. I think you’re amazing.”

“I--yeah, you too.” You tried to keep your tone self-aware enough that he would get the joke. He seemed to.

“I’m just not–”

“I know. But I am.”

I wanna give you everything.

For the first time since Dewey had sat down, you checked in with yourself. Your heart was throbbing. You had known this would be hard, but God, this sucked. Then again, this was also the most honest you had ever been with Dewey.

In the four months that you had been together, you had connected at least a hundred times over dozens of subjects. Dewey got you. He got you in a way you weren’t sure you would ever find again, and the thought was terrifying. So you had put this off. When he started cancelling your plans at the last minute, for reasons he had ‘forgotten’ to tell you about, you set your frustration aside. When he started forgetting you existed unless you were directly in front of him, you brushed off the hurt. When he stopped making plans with you altogether, you tried to get over it. You really, really tried.

He wasn’t as bad as all that, really. Dewey had bright eyes that seemed to glimmer when he was excited about something. He had clusters of freckles across his back that danced in the morning sun. His laugh was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. Dewey was kind (mostly), and reliable (when he wanted), and thoughtful (usually), and brilliant (always) and stunning. Yes, he was stunning most of all.

And you loved him. You loved Smart Dewey, and Drunk Dewey, and Musical Dewey, and 2AM Dewey making weird noises and dancing around the room. You loved his wild hair, his smile, the way he would prod at you when he wanted to understand something. His sloping shoulders and soft lines. How could you ever have not loved him? From minute one you hadn’t stood a chance.

It sucked.

And it was only a matter of time until it all boiled over and you both fell apart. You would always love him; you knew that in a way you had never known anything before. You also knew that letting go now was the right thing to do.

I’m not gonna wait until you’re gone.

“I don’t know if this hurts you, but if it does, I’m sorry I have to do it.” You had never been this honest with him before, and the look in Dewey’s eyes told you that he knew it.

‘Cause you pretended you don’t need anyone.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry for being an asshole.”

“Thanks.”

Can’t you see that I’m naked?

“Will I see you again?” he asked.

Your mouth formed a solid line, and you suspected you had that small frown above your nose you only got when you didn’t know what to say.

Dewey looked away. “Oh.” He nodded. “Okay.”

See that I’m naked!

Your ex-partner wrapped his hand around the handles of his gym bag without asking what was in it. He had to know. He stood and walked back to the door, and set the bag down.

I’m not gonna try until you decide…

Dewey put on his coat, then his scarf, then his hat, then his boots. Then he picked the bag up again, gave you a parting glance, and turned back to the door. He squared his shoulders and left.

You’re ready to swallow all your pride.

And just like that, he was gone.

For months, you would cry about this moment. In your car, in your bed, on various friends’ couches and shoulders. Your mind would find some new detail to fixate on every two or three weeks, and you would lose it all over again.

I’m standing here naked.

You would wish he had told you exactly how he was feeling. You would wish you had told him just how much you loved him.

I’m standing here naked.

You would realize that you would likely never see his eyes again, and that the last time you had seen them they had been so, so dark. There were a million little things that would hurt you so deeply.

I’m standing…

And, eventually, you would come to see that you had done the right thing. You really had.

For now, though, all you could do was stand and lock the door. Dewey had left his key with you. You turned the deadbolt and felt the click in your bones.

I’m standing here.

please like and reblog, if you are so moved

tags list: @skiddyyo @missihart23 @ballerinafairyprincess @thewolfisapartofmysoul

if you would like to get on the tags list, feel free to shoot me a message or drop me an ask

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ghost-chance · 4 years ago

Text

Dreams are weird. Recurring dreams are even weirder, and mine are no exception.

There’s the “Darwin is shaking his head” - in which something big, bad, and scary is chasing me but for some reason I’m only able to run on my knees. Yep. My knees. Because apparently it is entirely possible to run upright on your knees with your feet curled up behind your butt and still outrun a booguns.

Then there’s the “As if it wasn’t bad enough the first time” - in which I inexplicably decide that my grades in high school weren’t good enough and I go back to take all four grades over as an adult...only to miss half my classes because fuck getting up before ten, and bomb everything spectacularly. I end up with much worse grades than before and decide “fuck it, I’m a grownup, I’m allowed to have shitty grades.”

Sometimes I have the “I’m so fired” - in which I’m living my life without a care only to suddenly remember OH YEAH! I got hired at a new job a couple months ago! Then I realize oh shit, I haven’t been working that job the past month, and I go ape-nuts trying to figure out how I got from “most valuable new employee” to sitting on the sidewalk wondering where I am, how I got there, and how on earth I’ll explain to my boss that I forgot I worked for them.

Overall, most of my recurring dreams are strangely amusing when I wake up. There’s only one that really bothers me - “It’s happening all over again.” That’s the dream where some horrible disaster happens - a tornado or earthquake, a mass shooting or disease outbreak, or even the friggin’ zombie apocalypse - and I survive...only to hold my husband in my arms as he slowly and painfully dies. I’m no stranger to night terrors, but that’s the only dream that ever leaves me shaking, crying, and clinging to Cold when I wake up. I’ve dreamt of him shot full of arrows and bleeding from zombie bites, and cut in half after an explosion; I’ve dreamt of finding him pinned under a fallen building, and riddled with bullets, hooked up to life support.

These nightmares are what made me realize that my worst fear is losing those I love and being helpless to help them. Now I know, and I’m quite ready to not be reminded. I’d rather dream that the zombie apocalypse was thwarted because zombies are afraid of cheesecake. (Actual dream.) I’d rather dream that possums rose as a new sentient lifeform and attempted to overthrow humanity Planet of the Apes style. (They also drove zambonis instead of cars, for some strange reason.) Heck, I’d even rather dream I risked my life to retrieve a bar of chocolate from a haunted building, only for the murderous entity to chuck the chocolate out the door and yell “Even I know better than to keep chocolate away from menstruating women! Just stay out!” (I woke up laughing so hard I was choking.)

That, folks, is the stuff my dreams are made of. It’s a madhouse in here.

#dreams #recurring dreams #Weird

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husbandograveyard · 4 years ago

Note

Hewwo Hazel uwu 🔫😀👾😭😜😳⏰😏🎆💓?

Hewwo Bas! The UwU is strong today o(>ω<)o Thank you for your questions!

🔫 - Fave canon arc?

Thriller Bark. It made me laugh SO HARD. One piece is one of the few anime that genuinely makes me laugh out loud, usually im more of a “hmpft” blowing air out of my nose laught kinda gal, but one piece gave me a lot of joy and laughter, and mostly during thriller bark. Besides that, the fights and the general plot thickening and things coming together, and Zoro’s sacrifice all made this one of my top favorite archs! The pacing was very good as well, compared to, for example, Dressrosa.

😀 - Most favorite Straw Hat?

aaaaaa don’t make me choose This is very hard! The initial thought was Zoro because well it’s Zoro and most of his lines never fail to make me laugh. Robin is the one I admire most cause it’s the kind of lady idk if I wanna be her or be with her yknow? And Chopper also popped up because well.. he’s the absolute most adorable bean and I love him and his cuteness.

I’m gonna conclude a tie between Zoro and Robin, and Chopper can be on their shoulders being adorable? (´･ᴗ･ ` )

👾 - Fave villain?

Perona as far as she was an actual villain, her negative spooks are the best attack ever and no one can tell me otherwise.

In terms of bigger antagonists, probably the Charlotte family? I’m counting them as one, just for now, since they are all super interesting and I like seeing them on screen more than ceasar or moria or doffy and 100000x more than friggin Blackbeard (Imagine me using the ‘dinkleberg voice’ whenever I say blackbeard). Doffy is a good villain. But he makes me too mad so he only gets a flaminglemention and not the top spot ha.

😭 - Saddest scene?

Just like one piece is the series that made me laugh he most, it’s also the one that made me cry the most. Almost embarrassingly much. I ugly sobbed for a few hours straight around Ace’s death. I was spoiled, I knew it was gonna happen, but I did not know how exactly, so ehm from impel down on, every scene they showed him I teared up at least. (oops). BUT there was one other scene that made me cry a lot that I have to mention because I did not expect to cry for that moment. I knew about the time skip, I knew about the training, I knew they were gonna take some time off to get stronger. BUT I did not know how and when and the circumstances. The moment Kuma separated them, the agony and the helplessness. My heart. I could not take it. That was too sad.

Honorable mentions for the Bellemere scene very early on and saying goodbye to merry. Just too many heartbreaking moments but I feel that’s what makes the series so nice, you need to get hurt sometimes in order to get more attached to characters.

😜 - Funniest character?

Ehm. In terms of delivering hilarious one-liners and making me laugh while not actually being funny on purpose: Zoro. The dumb is too much and is hilarious. He says funny things while not being funny and there’s just too many peak comedy moments in him getting lost or ‘wanting to get made into a wax statue in this pose”.

Luffy gets a mention in situational humor too because that dumbassery is hilarious as well.

Other than that. Probably a tie between Usopp and Franky. It’s just so stupid, but the sheer simpleness of most of the humor makes it so easy to digest and look at!

😳 - Any crushes?

Any? Many! ehm, to not make this answer a couple thousand words long, quickfire! Ace, he has the charisma, the feralness, the politeness and the freckles. Shanks, he’s just the sweetest, sexiest mystery man who knows what his priorities are. Sabo, all the feralness, less of the politeness, all of the cuteness. His smile can revive puppies. Zoro: the Dumbassery, the muscles, the brutal honesty and that soff soff mossy hair. Kid: again, the dumbassery, the rudeness while still caring for his bunch of misfits. I love me a good tulip. Robin: The beauty, the grace, the humor, the fashion, the intellect. Again, dk if i want to be her or be with her. Vivi: The courage, the love, the sweetness amongst the badassery, step on me princess. Honorable mentions for Killer, A bunch of people showing up in Wano that I’ve only seen spoilers pop up for. And writing some character has had me reconsidering all the crushes all together. In conclusion: WHY IS EVERYONE IN ONE PIECE SO ATTRACTIVE??? safe for you Blackbeard honey, you could fall off a cliff and I’d applaud.

⏰ - How long have you been into One Piece?

Not that long at all. When I was 14? ish I started my anime journey. I watched 15-20? episodes of One Piece and hated it. Around that time one piece was somewhere in between 500-600 eps and I could not imagine ever catching up to that, especially since my strict parents limited my computer use to 3h a week.

Then a friend really got into it I think about 5? years ago and kept talking about it and how it was actually good. I was starting to do an effort to watch all the ‘big’ and ‘must-see’ anime and promised myself I’d watch One Piece, eventually.

Then this year at the end of October 2019 I actually started watching it. I had grown up a lot, and could now appreciate the anime way more for what it was? I fell in love and binged the entire thing in more or less six months with some small breaks in between for work, school, books, and other anime. Highly considering re-downloading so I can rewatch my favorite parts soon. My biggest problem is that once I love something, I go ALL IN and I will love everything about it and obsess. And thus this Tumblr was created as the hiatus started and I wanted something One Piece to keep me distracted. I eventually want to collect the manga but I now don’t have the space for it in my tiny room.

😏 - Favorite scene?

Sabo and Luffy reuniting! The reveal, the tears, the hug, and the ridiculousness of Luffy with the beard and all, just made it perfect. Absolutely loved it.

OH and Luffy punching the celestial dragon. The absolute energy in that scene made me grin like an idiot yet gave me goosebumps. Punch those slave-owning bitches luffy, thank you!

🎆 - Something you can’t wait for??!!

ALL of what is to come in Wano. I’ve been catching spoilers here and there and i just cannot wait! There’s gonna be so much reveals and new characters and comebacks and all the things I did not know I need in my life.

And I would like some more reveals on Shanks and his crew since we literally know next to nothing about them, besides the fact that even the admirals seemed to be at least wary of their powers and I just really need to know. (or not, since mystery adds to the charm).

I can’t wait for the abolishment of the government and the death/defeat of blackbeard (assuming that will happen at some point, a girl can dream).

💓 - Which character do you relate to the most?

SO HARD. Hardest question. Ehm... Ace and Usopp I think? I struggle with family a lot, but I have a chosen family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I am hella insecure, but I try my best most of the time and I am extremely loyal, even though I have no particular talents, I try and help here and there and hopefully can make some people happy that way!

If you read all the way through here, thank you for coming to my Ted talk! It was so long („• ֊ •„) but it was also so much fun (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

#one piece #one piece ask #ask me anything #get to know hazel #proof that i talk to much #hazel actually rambles a lot #put me in front of a crowd with only a note one piece on it and ill talk for hours #even if the audience doesnt want to hear it #CAN I INTRODUCE YOU TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOR MR MONKEY D LUFF YALL?#Here is law he has no ass but all the regret #anyhow rambling even in these tags that no one reads oop #basilisa-scorpii

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oldmonstermusings · 4 years ago

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musings on How to Get Over a Breakup (on Netlifix)

A side by side movie review:

I’m still working through the 5 stages. I don’t know where I am. Sometimes, I’m angry or sad. A few nights ago, I had a dream we were still together, so I goes I’m in denial too. I was bargaining and negotiating while you were breaking up with me (trying to get you to see I was the better choice). I still maybe bargain that if only this pandemic didn’t happen then maybe...something. As time passes, I’m slowly, reluctantly moving into acceptance.

Ah, yes, the deceptive feeling that things will be alright. Because if you don’t believe it, then what? You give in to the sadness. I joined 5 dating apps a few days after, and threw myself into work. My friends were worried, but I kept assuring them that I was fine and wasn’t back on my bullshit and that I was okay. (Really!)

(I loved this movie showing relationship PTSD. It’s not just setting another plate down, seeing their stuff in the space. It’s also seeing them. Hearing their reactions to stuff. I think American rom-coms are so focused on getting the women to a fake better place, so we skip this beautiful, sad intimacy. It may be too depressing, but this is normal. Women, and people, go through this. Please show it. Make your movies more authentic.)

She spiraled. You fake better, then something snags you and down you go. (Repeat as necessary). Nothing seems to pull you back up. It’s like you can’t escape the pain. Yeah, I feel that.

When Fe was screaming at her friends, I was nodding and crying along. It’s hard to start things when depression looms over you and chokes you. And no one seems to understand that. Or they can only be sympathetic for so long. The people around me act as if they’ve never been hurt or heartbroken. As if they can’t imagine what it feels like to lose pieces of yourself that you never get back. No one checks up on you because they think you should be over it by now. I’m tired and sick of begging for attention, love on Facebook by making a post. Check on your friends, what crap. Can’t even get a message. And yes, deep down I still want (them). I am more sadness than me somedays. Her rant did inspire me to start my writing blog, and onlyfans (I had to give the latter up sadly). I actually feel good about this blog. Wish more people saw it or commented though. In time, in time.

I don’t think I cried before the date. Def after though. I went out with someone. We had so many things in common, but the chemistry wasn’t there. I felt terrible the next day. Stayed in bed and cried. They were great, but they weren’t my love. I’ve never had a one night stand. (Never will tbh). But I have reached out to my ex with no response back. I’m jealous Fe at least got a call.

I’ve never been in a relationship that long. But hopefully, I’d get out quick if it turned sour. I am glad I’m not with my ex, who only put me second and brought drama. I can make “mistakes” as people say, cause I’m young, but I didn’t think my ex was a mistake. I thought they could be it. They weren’t. When will I meet someone who puts me first? Who doesn’t leave me--sad, heartbroken and wanting?

I don’t have stuff to burn. I moved the pictures I had of them onto my computer. I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. They still have my stuff. What do they do with it? Sniff it, cry on it, sold it, burn it?

Currently, I write down stuff I think my ex would like. I picture how they would react--that irresistible laugh, that smile, the eyes and nose crinkle. It’s not healthy, but it stops me from messaging them again and again.

I can’t hope to see my love. I want to. I’m jealous of Fe again. My ex and I don’t have the privilege or curse of being in the same circle. I know where they work though. I want to visit again, or turn invisible and haunt them. I gave myself closure, kinda. I still have their messages on my phone. I’m left on read. I should delete them but seeing their face sometimes makes me happy, makes me smile.

Like I said, I will never be intimate with my ex again. There’s too much lost trust and hurt. Fe finally sees Matias as he is, maybe always was. I might do the same, should my ex and I ever meet again. I think it’s funny that my ex thought I would judge them based on their past. Our pasts may define us, sure, but they are not the whole of us. What puto would judge someone only on their past? My ex never understood this. I didn’t know the past them. And while the past my color my opinion of them, it is mainly based on the them of now. We all make mistakes. No one should hold it against us. The way they treated me now has ruined any good faith I had about them. You, who were so ashamed of your past, can’t see how your actions now were much worse. I may not have preferred the past you, but now I can’t stand the present you. I think it’s funny you don’t realize this.

I have always been searching for myself. In my identity. At school. At home. In my daily life. It’s been hard. I know it’s cause of the unhealed trauma blocking me. I know it is because my family is so close. I know it is because I don’t know my past. I know it is because I have started lying so much that I no longer know what is true. I can’t say I found myself after you left. I am still finding myself. But there are things about me that I know are definite. I like blue. I am asexual. I am native. I am black. I love cuddles. I can sing. I love cats. I am thankful that through you I discovered new things about myself that are me. I endured more than I thought possible, even though I am so over being Odysseus. I know what I call sex now. I know what I love about sex. I know who I’m attracted to.

I like the ending. No rom-com crap where she meets another man or gets back with Matias. And AHHH okay that was friggin cute. “Because a princessa that respects herself, rescues herself.”

#native #indigenous #blackindians #ex #asexual #blue #movie #breakup #cats #cuddles #healing #love

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hunnywrites · 5 years ago

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Growing Pains: Chapter Four

Summary: Life is hard when you’re about to turn 18. It’s even harder when you realize you might be completely out of love with your long time boyfriend, and you can’t stop thinking about the new boy in town.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC, Steve Harrington/OFC

A/N: When I say that Teddi is gonna be risking it all this fic I mean it. Our girl is about to get us all real stressed out from her on out.

Hopper had let Teddi drink on a few occasions. It was only ever beer. On her sixteenth birthday he had taught her how to shotgun a can and told her that if anyone ever asked where she’d learned it it hadn’t been from him. Tonight though, the two of them sitting on the couch, Hopper grabbed two tiny glasses and filled each of them half way full with some whiskey. Teddi was clutching onto her glass, unable to make herself stop crying completely. Hopper was patient while he waited for her to speak. He just sat there beside her, waiting until she was ready.

“...I don’t think I want to be with Steve anymore.” she finally said.

Hopper tensed a little. “Did he-”

Teddi shook her head, sniffing loudly. “He didn’t do anything. That’s part of the problem. He’s like...totally amazing. Like, he brought up all of the marriage and kid stuff and I don’t want that with him. I mean, I might not want it with anyone. But I don’t want it with him,” she took a drink, the alcohol helping her get her true feelings out. “When I kiss him it’s like...ugh, I don’t know. Like kissing my brother or something. I’d rather kiss Heather, and I don’t even know if I like girls.”

Hopper sat there on the couch, his mouth slightly open, blinking wildly. He drank the rest of his whiskey, pouring more into his glass. “Okay...there’s a lot for me to unpack there,” he said with a heavy sigh. “The simplest answer I can give you...break up with the guy.”

Of course Teddi knew that. Heather had already told her that. She had told herself the same thing even. But it wasn’t that simple. “I can’t do that. I don’t wanna hurt him.” Teddi groaned, sinking in her seat.

“And you think pretending to like him is gonna spare his feelings?” of course it wouldn’t. Teddi would just be stuck in a miserable position until she snapped and she hurt Steve even more than she would now.

Teddi sighed, taking another drink. “Can’t you just like...make yourself love someone again?”

Hopper chuckled. “Trust me, kid, it’s not possible. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could,” he grumbled. “Alright, I’m gonna tell you something that might sound a little...conflicting here, but you need to start being a little more selfish,” Teddi raised an eyebrow. “You’ve always put everyone else before yourself, Teddi. Don’t get me wrong, I love it about you. You know how proud I am of you and El and how selfless you two are. But look at you. You’re making yourself miserable to spare someone’s feelings. Steve’ll be fine. You’re still kids. He’s got plenty of time to find someone else. You both do.”

Teddi chewed on her bottom lip. She was gonna have to bite the bullet and end things with Steve. It was what was best for the best of them. She decided against bringing Billy up with Hopper. That was a completely different issue that she would have to deal with on her own. Not to mention it might actually cause Hopper to have a stroke. “...Thanks, dad. You’re right. I should just break up with him.” she said with a heavy sigh.

Hopper smiled over at her, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “It’s no problem, kiddo. I’m sorry I’m not better at all this...boy talk.” he said with a chuckle.

Teddi smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. “You’re better at it than you think.”

Hopper’s proud grin was back. “Yeah? Huh...well, what do you say I find us some I Dream of Jeannie reruns? You loved watching her when you were a kid.” He picked up the remote, flipping through the channels.

“Sounds perfect.”

—-

The next morning Teddi wouldn’t get out of bed. She wouldn’t get out of bed when Hopper made her her breakfast of champions, a stack of eggos with strawberry jam and a Coke, or when he sent El in to ask if she was sick. He wondered if maybe she had called Steve after he’d gone to bed and ended things. He knew teenage girls tended to mope around after a breakup. Eventually Hop couldn’t stand it anymore. It was almost noon and Teddi hadn’t moved from her bed. So he called in the big guns.

“Teddi?” Hopper called softly, knocking on her door. “There’s someone here to see you.” Teddi didn’t answer.

“Don’t worry about it, chief. I got this,” Heather said, holding up her hand and shooing him away from the door. Hopper shot her an unsure look before letting out a grumble and heading for the couch. Heather slipped into Teddi’s room, shutting the door behind her. “God, Teddi, what happened?”

Teddi slowly sat up in her bed, making room for Heather. Heather wouldn’t tell her so, but Teddi looked truly pathetic. “I have to break up with Steve.” was all she said, looking at Heather with wide, sad eyes.

Heather rolled her eyes, scoffing loudly. “You mean you haven’t even done it yet? Have I ever told you how dramatic you are?”

“I can’t make myself yet!” Teddi groaned. “I feel like the worst person ever. He took me to the movies last night and everything was fine. Then we went back to his place...I couldn’t even make myself have sex with him. I ended up crying. God, Heather, I’m such an asshole.” she hid her face in her hands.

“You are not,” Heather huffed, pulling Teddi’s hands away from her face. “...Can I be honest? I’ve sort of been waiting for this to happen for a while,” Heather confessed. Teddi looked at her best friend with a confused frown. “I mean, it was fine in the beginning and everything. But you two have sorta grown into two completely different people now. And you just don’t like…” Heather stopped to think of the right way to word it.

“We don’t match?” Teddi asked with a sigh, repeating Billy’s words.

“Exactly! You don’t match. Steve’s a nice guy, don’t get me wrong, but he’s...I mean, he’s nice.” she cringed a little as she said it. “He’s a sort of too much of a pushover for someone like you.” she explained.

Teddi let out a small laugh, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on her knee. “So you’re saying I should date Tommy H?” she joked.

Heather made a face. “Gross. No. Even if you and Tommy were the last two people on Earth. Demand a recount,” they both laughed. Heather tugged on Teddi’s arm lightly. “I think we should go out. Do something fun.” Heather suggested.

“I have to go to work-”

“I already called Freddy and told him you weren’t coming in. You’d just bum out the kids. And Steve isn’t supposed to be working today so that means we can go to the mall and put a nice dent in that nest egg of yours.”

Teddi laughed a little. She supposed it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It had been awhile since she’d gone out for some retail therapy. Plus, it would probably be better than having Hopper hover outside of her room all day and she did need new clothes. “Fiiine. Just let me get dressed.” Teddi changed from her pajamas to a pair of black bike shorts and an old, dark red, plaid shirt she’d jacked from Hopper. She left it unbuttoned, tying the front of it in a knot and slipped on her boots.

Hopper pretended to be nonchalant as Teddi and Heather made their way through the living room and announced that they were going to the mall, but Teddi knew he was relieved to see her out of bed. Heather offered to drive. When she started the car, the radio came to life, playing I Feel Love by Donna Summer loudly. Teddi shut it off with an angry jab of her finger.

Heather smiled sheepishly. “...Sorry,”

The mall was packed like it always was on weekends. Heather took Teddi’s hand, pulling her through the crowds of people and towards the Gap. “Teddi, you have to try that on. It’s so you,” Heather came to an abrupt stop in front of one of the mannequins. It was a leopard print sundress that was the same jade green as Teddi’s eyes. Heather grabbed one of the dresses up to the rack, holding it up to Teddi. “You’d look so hot in it!” she assured her.

“...Alright fine,” Teddi said with a short laugh. “I’ll try it on,” she grabbed a few other things that had caught her eye before disappearing into one of the dressing rooms. She’d been slightly dreading this part of shopping. Her body was different now. Her clothes hadn’t been fitting as well as they once had. She felt almost embarrassed to look at herself once she had stripped down to her underwear. Everything had changed. Her hips were wider. Her butt and thighs. Her stomach no longer had that toned look that she’d gotten from working at the pool. Even her face seemed fuller. More round.

Teddi let out a loud sigh, trying on the sundress first. She took in her reflection for a moment before her shoulders slumped forward. “God, Heather. I look like friggin’ Shannon Tweed.” Teddi groaned, turning in a circle in front of the mirror. She wasn’t entirely sure if that was a bad thing or not.

“Let me see!” Heather said, pushing the curtain aside. “Whoa baby. Those puppies came from all that free ice cream Steve’s been giving you?”

Teddi blushed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t forget all the stress eating.” she mumbled.

Heather rolled her eyes, turning Teddi back to face the mirror. “Teddi, you look totally hot in this. You have to get it...maybe just throw a sweater over it or something before you leave the house though so your dad doesn’t like totally freak.”

Teddi laughed. She looked at her reflection, tilting her head slightly. Heather was right. She didn’t look bad. Just different. A good different. “I guess it doesn’t totally suck.” she finally agreed.

“Definitely doesn’t suck. God, what’s Harrington’s damage?” Heather asked. Teddi thought back to the night before and how she had covered herself up in front of Steve like she had been embarrassed of her new figure. Steve hadn’t said anything about how she looked now. Like he hadn’t noticed at all.

Teddi remembered the way that Billy had looked at her at the pool. Her cheeks burned just thinking about it.

“...I’m totally getting ice cream before we leave.” Heather muttered.

Between the two of them, Teddi was sure they had tried on everything in the Gap. The two girls ran from store to store, trying on new clothes and shoes, each time coming out with more bags than they had coming in with. Heather even bit her tongue long enough for Teddi to stop by the comic book shop.

The day out had definitely helped lift Teddi’s mood. She hadn’t thought about Steve at all for the last few hours. Even when they stopped into Scoops Ahoy so Heather could get a double scoop of USS Butterscotch. But like all good things, they must come to an end.

Teddi and Heather were walking past the bookstore when she spotted him. There was Billy; in his jeans that were like a second skin and a Def Leppard shirt. He had his arm around a girl that Teddi recognized. Her name was Mckenna. They’d had english together their senior year. She was a nice enough girl. The two of them were walking out of the movie theater, Billy seemed to be laughing at something Mckenna was saying.

“Oh no…” Heather mumbled beside her. As if he could sense Teddi watching him, Billy turned, their eyes locking. His smile faded into an almost annoyed expression as he walked by Teddi and Heather. “God, men suck.” Heather muttered.

Teddi let out a soft sigh. “Yeah…” she didn’t know what she had been expecting. She had a boyfriend. And Billy was an attractive guy. Of course he was gonna ask some other girl out instead of her. But that look he had given her. What the hell had that been about? The longer Teddi dwelled on it, the angrier she got.

Heather wrapped an arm around her best friend. “...You wanna go stress eat a giant cookie?” she asked carefully.

Teddi was silent for a moment before she nodded. “Yes please.”

—-

It wasn’t very often that Teddi closed at the pool. Usually she preferred the morning shifts (even though she was definitely not a morning person). But Freddy had called and sounded a little desperate, so she figured she’d take the shift. Late shifts at the pool were pretty easy to handle. There usually weren’t as many people around and all of the classes ended in the afternoon. The only downside was that she would be working with Billy. Of course she would be working with Billy.

When she had showed up for her shift he was perched up in the lifeguard’s chair. He gave her a short wave when he saw her. She ignored him. That was her game plan for the day. Ignoring Billy. It wouldn’t be too hard. She was already avoiding Steve in the hopes that he might break up with her so she wouldn’t have to do it herself. El had already promised to cover for Teddi in case he called home asking for her.

But now everyone was gone. The pool had officially closed about twenty minutes ago, and Teddi was walking around picking up the things people had left behind throughout the day to add to the lost and found. Billy was skimming a few leaves that had fallen into the water. The only light was coming from the pool, casting an eerie, blue green glow on the pair. Teddi was well aware that Billy was watching her.

She walked behind him, leaning over to pick up a pair of lone goggles under one of the loungers. “What’s your problem, Weird Girl?” he asked finally. Teddi jumped at the sound of his voice. She turned to him, shifting awkwardly under his gaze.

“I could ask you the same thing with the look you were giving me at the mall yesterday.” she spat, crossing her arms.

Billy raised his eyebrows, letting out a laugh. “The look I was giving you? You looked like you wanted me dead.” she supposed she couldn’t really argue there. She was sure she had started scowling when she saw Mckenna with him.

“...I have a lot of shit going on. I can’t be all smiles and rainbows all the time.” she argued.

“With Steve?” she hated the way that Billy said Steve’s name. Like it was some sort of joke she wasn’t in on.

“Not everything is about Steve, you know.” and while that was true, Billy had been right on the money. Teddi felt even more annoyed with him.

Billy fought a smile, leaning against the pool net in his hands. “Then how come your eyes glaze over every time I bring him up?” Teddi wanted to whack him with that pool net.

“They don’t,” she scoffed. “And what do you care anyways? Aren’t you going out with Mckenna now?”

Billy smirked slowly. “Jealous, Teddi?”

“No.”

“Sure seems like it.” he argued.

Teddi glared up at him. “You’re infuriating, you know that?”

Billy laughed, almost like he couldn’t believe what Teddi had said. “Me? Sweetheart, you’re the infuriating one. You’re a tease.”

Teddi gaped at him. “Excuse me?”

Billy let out a dry laugh, leaning in towards her. “Like you don’t know? You flirt right back with me and flash that little doe eyed look at me every time you’re around. You pull a guy in hook, line and sinker and then you rip it out from under him and start mentioning Steve. You think I’m gonna hang around waiting for you to dump his ass like some little lost puppy?”

Teddi couldn’t argue with him. She did flirt with him. She returned the looks he gave her. And she was with Steve through all of this. Maybe it was childish of her, but Teddi hated it when people proved her wrong. She always had. Hopper had said she was a bit of a sore loser.

So she reached out, her hands pressing hard against Billy’s bare chest, and shoved him into the pool. It really did make her feel a little better. Billy pushed back up to the surface, glaring up at Teddi and wiping his face. She smiled down at him, her hands on her hips.

“What are you, five?” he spat.

“No. But that felt really good,” she said with a laugh. Teddi stepped forwards, reaching down for Billy’s hand to help pull him out of the water. That had been a mistake. Billy grabbed her wrist roughly, easily pulling her into the water with him. She screamed before she went under. Billy was laughing when she resurfaced. Teddi glared at him, spitting out the mouth full of water at him and pushing her hair out of his face. “Asshole.” she snapped.

“Giving you a taste of your own medicine, Weird Girl.” he teased, swimming closer to her.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” she asked with a huff.

“Because you like weird shit, and I want to.” he said evenly. Teddi rolled her eyes.

The two of them waded there in the water, neither moving to get out of the pool. Billy was closer now than he’d been before. Teddi would barely need to reach out to touch him. “...I didn’t like seeing you with Mckenna.” she finally confessed.

“I don’t like seeing you with Steve.”

Teddi let out a small laugh, shaking her head. “This is stupid. We barely know each other.” she said it more to herself than to Billy.

“Does it matter?” he asked. She supposed not.

Teddi swallowed thickly. “I think- I think I’m gonna break up with him.”

Billy smirked. “You think?”

“I am. I have to. I’m not in love with him anymore.” saying it out loud to Billy, Teddi realized that it was the right decision. For her and Steve. It probably helped that she could feel Billy’s hands just barely ghosting her sides.

“You’re giving me that look again, Teddi.” he said lowly.

“What look would that be?” Teddi asked quietly. She realized she was turning the pendant that Billy wore around his neck in her fingers. They didn’t look away from each other.

That wolf like grin was back. “Like you wanna kiss me but you’re too chicken shit to do it.” he teased.

Teddi wasn’t sure who made the first move. Maybe it had been her. Proving she wasn’t chicken shit. They kissed, their arms wrapped tightly around each other, with no intention of letting go any time soon.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove x oc #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x oc #steve harrington

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mrsmess · 5 years ago

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Faves and fails of SPN (season 12):

Favorite episodes in chronological order:

12:3 The Foundry - Mylings! Nuff said. And I knew it as soon as I heard the baby cry. And that makes me feel good about me.

12:4 American Nightmare - Stigmata. Dean dressed as a priest getting stuck looking at a boy lighting a candle in the church. Mr Mess: ”Dean! Time and place!” Sam wasting his sensemaking on a relentlessly angry Dean as usual, but then laying the hard truth on the crazy lady - is it hot in here?

12:5 The One You’ve Been Waiting For - Nazi dirtbags! Referencing one of the great episodes of season 8 too. Good. Good. And Allison Paige is friggin’ beautiful! Nauhaus is such a spoofy villain I think this is a comedy. ”Do you know what it’s like to have en nazi necromancer as a father?” ”He had a guy named Fritz try to kill me!” GOLD.

12:6 Celebrating the life of Asa Fox - badass-intro. And Jody. Hunter community! Canadian hunter community! Here for it. Bucky, or as I like to call him: demon nr 5 from early season.... single digits.

12:7 Rock never dies - Loving this glam-metal thing. Crowley in LA. And omg! Cass being snarky with Dean of all people. ”Atleast I don’t look like a lumberjack.” I laughed. And Mr Mess pointed out that Cass is tired, that that’s why he snapped, and it dawned on me that Cass is *choosing* to be kind under normal circumstances. My heart! ”I work for sexists, rasists, even politicians.” Lol. Loving the group dynamic of the four. But I’m a bit disappointed that Lucifer can’t chill, he could have had so much fun.

12:11 Regarding Dean - A goofy Dean episode. That’s rarely bad news. I like Rowena in this, she’s rly growing on me.

12:15 Somewhere between heaven and hell - Honesty’s the best policy, signed, Dean. Hear, hear! ”So, ten years ago did you rly want something? Like, a Hello Kitty backpack or the death of an enemy?” Lol! Dean and Crowley and Lucifer breaking free! Dean is a hoot this episode. Sam, killing the hellhound like a pro, and thanking Crowley. And Crowley kicking Lucifer’s ass. That’s the stuff. And Sam being honest with Dean and Dean being all reasonable about it! Loving it!

12:16 Ladies drink free - Claire! Nuff said. Loving everyone this episode, except Mick of course, but my homicidal thoughts at the sight of his beard have lessened. ”The experiment was on mice.” Werewolf-mice! XD

12:17 The british invasion - Eileen! God this show needs more women, the brothers are so much better dealing w them, which I guess is a problem on its own. ”Make your voice a mail.” Oh Cass. Eileen and Sam! My heart! Am I shipping this? God I hope not, it’ll mean instant death. God, Mick is an idiot, I mean, I’m obv digging his change of heart, but apparently he hasn’t learned a thing in the entire life he’s worked for his fucky organization.

12:18 The memory remains - Goodness. Loving this intro. Taxidermist sheriff. Man, sometimes I feel these quirky characters are wasted on the just-passing-through format. ”Hunting people! Killing them! The family business!” Lol.

Fail episodes in chronological order:

12:1 Keep Calm and Carry on - ”You’re bad at your job.” Sure, she has a point, but as generous as this british chick’s offer is, her pitch is somewhat lacking. A torture montage is the quickest way to wind up on the fail list. Also ”break his mind”? That’s what it’s like inside Sam’s head *all* the time.

12:2 Mamma Mia - A sexscene featuring Dean Forrester is the second quickest way to wind up on the fail list. You say his name is Sam Winchester? Nah. Nope. Not buying it. Listen, I know I talk a tall game about being a big Sam-fan, I just don’t ship him with a.n.y.o.n.e. So what the sexscene isn’t real!? I still had to see it with my own orbs of sight. ”Your job was to find american hunters and gain their trust.” I’m howling! Maybe *you’re* rly bad at your job, lady!

12:10 Lily Sunder has some regrets - uhm... using demon number 5 to play other randos throughout a 15 season show I’ll forgive them for but you can’t use the same distinct actor (Ian Tracey) to play two distinctly different characters (Lee/Ishim) and not acknowledge it, especially when they could easily explain it as Lee’s body being possessed by Ishim. It ruins the whole episode for me. Also, I’m rooting for the ”bad” guy.

12:14 The raid - The british men of letters are the worst, they are worthless recruiting agents, salesmen and got crappy intel; where the Winchesters go the rest of the american hunters will follow? Pretty sure the opposite is true: ”Oh shit, the Winchesters are joining ’em? Better stay as far away from that shit as possible!” Also Mary’s being more than a little silly and I’m surprised Sam didn’t give her some speech about how he used to aim for big things like killing the devil, closing the gates of hell, before learning to settle for more realistic goals, like, staying alive, keepin your brother alive, savoring the occasional win, y’know, for the sake of your mental health. Anyhoo; Sam’s reaction on finding out Mary gave the Colt to the british men of letters might have been enough put it on the fave list but there are just so many icky characters and so many shots of Mick’s ugly beard I can’t let it slide. Plus Sam winds up joining these assholes. Boooohhhh!

12:20 Twigs & twine & Tasha Banes - Jeez. Petition to have Dean always justify his icky feelings about something w the Star Wars classic ”i got a bad feeling about this.” It would save time and my sanity. Also I have issues w Mary not being reasonable and understanding the basics about the life she and the boys are leading - you’re in or out, but there’s no finishing it w/o finishing yourself. Is this season’s big bad trying to annoy me to death? And the other hunters? What is it with this show and any other fun or awesome characters? Sorry, can’t keep ’em on, it’s a density-thing.

12:21 There’s something about Mary - Booohh! First Eileen, my bae (did I call it or did I call it?) and then the entire episode is full of The Big Annoying. First episode I didn’t bother finishing. Screw this season.

12:23 All along the watchtower - honestly I don’t get the constant jokes about IKEAs manuals, they’re all pictures, you don’t even need to be able to read to read them. Crowley <3 Plz spare me this show’s take on child birth, really just any show, (how is it possible that it’s so frickin’ hard to get right??), but especially this show’s. And Crowley. And Cass. And Mary. Such an intense bummer.

Honorable mentions:

Crowley blowing up Rowena’s scammer! And Rowena’s reaction! ”That is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me!” Covered in blood. Priceless.

Cass and his sass is on this season. He’s so done w everyone. The exasperation!

The hug at the end of 12:22.

Dishonorable mentions:

Dean and Sam making a deal to get out of jail, kinda unepic w a predictable outcome.

Mediocre mentions:

The entire episode Stuck in the middle (with you) - It’s a Reservoir Dogs reference right? And it works very well until you realize that, then you just start missing Tarantino’s poignant dialogue about tipping (not fucking!) your waitress. The return of the yelloweyed bloodline. Bound to happen with Mary back. Don’t care about that but I do care about Crowley being back and being awesome. The Dukes of Haphazard. That’s good, I’ve just been referring to them as the Two Stooges.

The episode Who we are - There are separate aspects of this I like: Dean and Sam blasting their way out of the bunker, Jody and Alex, Dean dreamwalking Mary back home. Ackles is a genius with this sort of thing. But it’s just so silly: The british men of letters are just so unepic, it ruins everything, wraps it in a mediocre blanket: They’re bad at their job, have inexplicable motivations, are such annoying stereotypes the only way this would be a win would’ve been if Sam’s speech went something along the lines of ”I’ve had this fly buzzin’ around my ear all year, I could use your help squashing it.” But at least, then they do.

Summing up:

I’m rly enjoying the warped relationships early in the season. Crowley and Cass. Rowena and Lucifer, Rowena and Crowley. Sam, Dean and Mary. But my usual creed about the gooey middles of seasons doesn’t hold true this time and I rly feel like it gets good only when it’s almost over. And honestly on whole the season is the worst so far. The british men of letters are so annoying and they’re everywhere, tainting everything. Ugh.

#supernatural #spn meta #no longer a rewatch #no this is not a supernatural blog #favorite episodes

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daebakinc · 6 years ago

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BTS Speak Yourself MetLife Day 2 Fan Account

They were really feeling themselves today, maybe because it was the last day of their US tour. Like they were all bouncy and smiling and confident through out (until the end, but I’ll get to that).

The crowd was really on too; they did so many more chants and sang a lot louder to all the songs too.

A lot of the intros was the same, but Taehyung added “Army, look at us! You make this, Army! We purple you!”, Jungkook did a cute twirl during his and Hoseok said “Let’s spread our wings!” as the segue into Outro: Wings.

During Outro: Wings, they all held out their mics for us to sing the word “fly” every time it came up.

Hoseok got the biggest smirk when we chanted his name during his solo. He yelled “Love you, Metlife!” and adlibbed during one of the parts where he sings. LET HIM SING MORE!!!!!!!!!!

Jungkook’s smile at the fanchants during his solo was so big he almost couldn’t sing. He ended with a finger heart and a “I love you, guys!”

Yoongi didn’t bother getting the streamers off himself and played with them for most of Best of Me.

Jimin flashed his stomach so much more today during Serendipity. That means even more flashes of his tattoo (IT BETTER BE REAL!). His dancing is so fluid, like his ballet training clearly still heavily influences his dancing and I love it. He also ended his song with finger hearts.

Joon was super cute for his solo and very obviously got hyped off our singing the “saram, saram, saram” line of the chorus.

Taehyung kept making dumb faces right before and during the beginning of Boy with Luv, with Hoseok ended up imitating him too lol. They were so smiley the whole time too.

OMFG THE STUPIDITY DURING THEIR TALKING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!! Jungkook was showing off his English and said “You know that this stadium is also famous for NFL.” to which Taehyung responded by asking about who was a famous running back, and to which in turn Jin started claiming it was him. Jimin and Namjoon both started teasing Jin for having dangerous shoulders. Jin wadded up a towel or t-shirt(not sure which) like a football and tried to run his way through the line of boys. He got past Hoseok but epicly failed get past Jungkook, eventually being swarmed by all of them. Namjoon was like “YOU FAILED!!!” while laughing with Jimin. Jin said “It’s okay because I’m a bad boy. YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU BAD BOYS!” And then of FUCKING COURSE, Namjoon responds “I like being bad.” BOY YOU BETTER NOT! He then continued “Well, Jin failed but we’ll show you what a touchdown is with our next killer song.”

JIMIN DID MY FAVORITE ADLIB HE DOES FOR DOPE!

Taehyung was playing behind Hoseok during part of Bapsae and Hoseok DID A FRIGGIN JUMP SPLIT!

Namjoon said Idol was a song that said a lot about them. I could swear they turned down the background vocals for the chorus so we could sing them back to BTS. Hoseok was hyping up Yoongi’s parts and Jungkook was so damn sweaty.

Green is so Taehyung’s color, just saying. There were sooooo many fanboy screams for him.

Jungkook did the jacket slipping from his shoulder thing during Fake Love (not sure if it was intentional or not), and that was honestly sexier than his ab flashes.

Yoongi was on a moving walkway thing during the beginning of Seesaw, so him lol, and then his dancers were on it later, which was a really cool effect.

I didn’t mention this from last night, but god Jin’s vocals. I cannot say how proud and in awe of him I am. His voice and singing ability have grown so much in a year, let alone since their very beginnings. Like…. his hard work cannot be appreciated enough. He started getting teary eyed, sweet boy.

The vocal line were all mouthing each other’s lines during The Truth Untold. That is when Jin did actually cry OTL. Jungkook did some harmonizing with Jin and Jimin and it was fucking amazing. The talent.

Holy Namjoon in a headband! I forgot about this too, but during Outro: Tear, there were light effects to make the rap line look like they were on fire and they really were.

Anpanman was such a mess of a playground lol. Taehyung was playing with everyone. Namjoon was bouncing as he was sitting on one part of the blow-up things, Yoongi was doing the superhero pose, etc. Taehyung got stuck between the blowup seats and had to get pulled out by Jin. Yoongi tried jumping onto a blowup seat and failed lol. Jimin and Yoongi slid down the slide together. Yoongi also did a cute little grandpa two step dance and the idiot was twerking his way back up the catwalk. And of course, maknae see, maknae do, so Jungkook also had to shake his butt at the camera. Taehyung joined in too, and was also playing with his bucket hat.

So What was also a mess of happy boys. Yoongi ran back to the extended stage doing his little old man running while stupidly grinning. OTL Taehyung piggybacked Jin but was bouncing so Jin ended up head banging and Jin returned the favor towards the end lol. I guess Hoseok was worried about Taehyung falling because he had a hand on Taehyung’s back during this. Jin collapsed at the end so Jungkook had to mess with him by lifting his leg and trying to push it to his chest. Jimin yelled “I love you” as the lights faded.

Hoseok was heavilyyyyyy flirting with the camera during Make It Right and his singing!!!!!!!!!! Jungkook and Jimin were hyping up Yoongi’s rap again, they all love him so much.

At picture time, Hosoek was whining about it being the last night.

For the wave, Jungkook demonstrated how to do the wave, and when we copied him, the little shit said “Look at my power.” Brat I love you. Bless Jimin, he called us “geniuses” for being able to follow simple instructions lol. However, we were too fast for them when they got us to do the wave from front to back, prompting Namjoon to say “That was fast, but not enough. Sorry, we’re human but y’all were really fast.” When we actually did the wave properly, with Jimin running around the stage to follow it, Jin kept saying it was perfect and Namjoon said “This is the last day, I just want to end it from this.”

Goodbyes (everyone but Yoongi spoke entirely in English!):

Hoseok: Tonight is our last night for our US tour. *made a pouty face* I was so nervous because it was our first stadium tour, but I’m not nervous anymore because Army had so much fun. You guys make me feel very appreciated(I think?). We will be back. We’ll love you forever. Until next time, please be happy. *blew a kiss*

Taehyung: I have something serious to say. When we comeback next year, will you come back? I want this feeling next year? Next year when we come back, Army needs to yell BTS please. We purple you. I’m done. *dropped his hat*

Yoongi: *made silly faces when we started screaming* This is our last stop in the US. I remember the first time I got into New York, we went to eat one time and I noticed this one theater, and it was the theater from our first US tour. In a small theater to MetLife. Everything is possible because of what you guys have done. *took out his earpiece to hear us scream again*

Jin: *blew a kiss* It’s the last time in US. Tonight was our last show with you. We are totally blessed and happy to share this moment with you. Army, we are family. You’re my family, we’ll see you later. I love you 3000.

Jimin: *he looked at the crowd a really long time* Hi, guys. Once again, I learned something from you tonight. This concert can only be done because of you. We share this scenery, we listen to each other cry and love. This journey was amazing. We can’t thank you enough. We promise we’ll come back here. Always stay amazing. I love you all.

Jungkook: *this kid pulled Jin’s rose from his hood and was so proud of himself! He shook Jin’s hand and then threw the rose down lol). I was in the car with the manager and I looked up at the sky. It was so clear and it got me excited, but I experienced last night, I was also super excited for tonight’s show. We love you guys. You are part of the act(?). Because Army, when you smile, I smile. Because every night with Army, you make my day. I will always remember this moment with you. Thank you. I love you.

Namjoon: *we chanted his name and made him smile* I’ll remember this forever. I’m gonna start. You know what they say about the American journey: it’s a dream that some say we’ve reached it, some say we haven’t. We didn’t dream it because we thought it was something we couldn’t, that we couldn’t reach that. Army, look at this. America, thank you for embracing us, accepting us, 7 boys from Korea who sing in Korean and have different looks, sing in a different tongue. You all prove music transcends everything(?). Pause this moment. I didn’t notice, but I realized you guys did become our real dream. That is important. The most important thing is playing with you guys, listening to the same thing. This moment will forever be my dream. You all have your own life stories and we see your stories. You all are the stars and the lighthouse that guide our night.

He got us to put our cellphone lights on again, saying “Technology time.”

Jungkook absolutely lost it during the final song when they were just walking around waving, like red nose and all, poor thing. Luckily the boys gave him a group hug and made him smile.

#bts #bts speak yourself #bts speak yourself world tour #fan account #bts fan account

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hollandroos · 6 years ago

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Run To Me | Sequel to Blow A Kiss, Fire A Gun | Prologue!

PART ONE IS OUT AND HERE!

{Y/N} - I apologise if the read more doesn’t work on the origional post!

The therapist stared the small girl down. Little brown curls littered her forehead like springs as she fiddled with the teddy bear in her hands. It was a little bit tattered at the edges, a certain spot of fur matted together but it was the little blue bear that she’d had since birth, the one that hid at the bottom of her junior school bag because she refused to go to school without it… some days. Some days she preferred the small, white and slightly creepy looking cat that she’d carry around by the tale.

Her hands. Red, raw, bloody. Your own daughter, falling apart right before your very eyes.

“Rosie?” The therapist asks, trying to come to eye level with your daughter but it was difficult. Despite her blabbering on about how independent (without actually using that word) and brave she is, she struggled to even look into the eyes of a stranger.

“Rose?” You whisper, bobbing your knee up and down to get the small girls attention. “Can you talk to the lady please?”

“I don’t want to be here.” She mumbles, bottom lip falling into a pout. “I wanna go home.”

You take one of her hands in your own, thumb gently running over the little pink and white hello kitty band-aids. She doesn’t seem to notice, looking at the pile of kids toys that sat in the corner of the room.

“Harper just wants to help you like she helps me.” You try to prevent your voice from shaking and almost fail too if it weren’t for a quick side eye from the therapist. “She’s nice, sweetheart.”

Your daughter was never difficult, on edge definitely and you partially blamed yourself. She’d been bought up seeing you hide in a shell both of your old self and one of pure fear and terror, merely smiling and sometimes not even leaving the bed. On those days your daughter would lay next to you, a rerun of teen titans or how to train your dragon on Netflix. She surely heard your screams in the very middle of the night and saw you freak out whenever she was too loud.

“No, mum.” Your daughter looks up, her glassy eyes finally off of the teddy bear. She begins wriggling around in your arms, the small girl grunting as she fails down your lap. “I wanna play with the toys.”

You were unsure but eventually sigh, letting her go. The near-five-year-old jumps down, little legs making their way towards what children would call ‘Heaven’. There were lego pieces and board games and the odd Rubix cube but your attention was directed towards her little hands, the size of a large tomato but that didn’t worry you, what did was the fact that her hands were the color of one.

The therapist coughs gently, leaning forward in her seat. “So from what you’ve shown me I definitely see signs.”

You weren’t surprised, not even batting an eyelash. “What can we do from here?” You ask, foot tapping gently against the carpeted floor, a nervous habit.

“There’s nothing you really can do, neither can I considering her age. Rosie is young, this could easily just be a phase.” She almost shrugs it off casually, black glasses slipping down her nose and she was quick to shove them up again, eyelashes hitting the frames.

“So you just want me to-” You begin, with no success.

“You can bandage them, give her toys to play with and keep her nails short but that’s about it for now-”

“You want me to let my daughter keep doing this to herself? To sit back and watch?” You feel your eyes prickle and Rosie seems to ignore your sudden outburst. Either she was listening carefully as she often did, focusing despite your knowledge or she was completely oblivious, focusing purely on the game pieces.

A wave of anger washes over you, as well as fear and guilt. The system was screwed up, sure, but you didn’t know how bad until then and there. Your hands trembled, afraid that you couldn’t stop this, you couldn’t be the mother Rosie needed.

“There is nothing I can do. I’m sorry, I know it must be hard but you can help, even just by talking to her about what she’s doing.”

You grit your teeth, hands clenching around the arms of the chairs. If you gripped them any harder you fear the wood breaking off, snapping beneath your fingertips and causing a magnitude of splinters.

Rosie listens, wondering why the two adults were talking about her while she was in the room. The little girl was notorious for picking up things she shouldn’t and at that moment she was trying to decipher what they were saying and why her mum looked like she was about to cry.

Her chubby fingers toy with a Rubix cube and while she had no idea what she was doing, she adored the bright colors. However, they clashed with the pink and white that decorated her hands. The hello kitty ones were her favorite, definitely better than the wiggles band-aids that’d been forced on her last week by the teachers at school.

What was wrong with her?

{ Tom }

“I don’t care what you have tomorrow, We need to have a fucking meeting.” Tom spat into the phone, face red hot with anger. “Your girlfriend can fucking wait. This is important.”

His hands gripped the very roots of his hair, anger racing through every phone as the man on the other end tried to get out of it. Tom couldn’t completely blame him, he’d do the same if he was about to lose his head.

The silence was all that could be heard through the other end of the phone between heavy, nervous breaths and the mobster already knew that he had this one in the bag.

“I can try-”

‘Try’ wasn’t good enough, nowhere near it for the mob boss who had already been pushed past his breaking point by the same client multiple times. He was ready to get his hands dirty again, paint the town red and grey and make those that deserved it fall to their knees.

Tom turned towards his desk, fingers clenching around the cool gun, the metal making goosebumps arise. “You will be there or I swear to god-”

“Okay! Okay, I’ll be there.” Wilson muttered, pursing his lips together in defeat.

Tom almost laughed at the nerves that were visible through even the phone. The guy's voice shook with fear.

Tom hung up the phone, slamming it down on the desk in pure anger. People that messed with him and his business didn't get off the hook easily and this guy was no different- the fact that he thought he was made Tom’s blood boil. It made the wheels in his brain spin with different possibilities and ways he could show the client who the boss was in this situation.

“He’s coming?”

“He’ll be there.”

Words: 1524

Warnings: There will be violence, sexual references, and possible smut. (no guarantees) This story will also focus around both Y/N and her daughters struggle with mental illnesses so if you’re not okay with talks/symptoms of PTSD and OCD disorders the this won’t be for you.

Notes: Angels, I think you all deserve this fic after waiting so long. As someone with an OCD disorder (not the one that’ll be portrayed in this series), I’m so excited to delve into mental illness in fiction and do my best to portray it properly and just expand my horizons.

- There are a lot of dad/mafia series, so if this seems similar to yours then message me for credit.

Posting day: Tuesdays.

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#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland series #tom holland au #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #reader insert #fanfiction #mob!tom

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waitimcomingtoo · 5 years ago

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Plank All Over Me - Friendship Test Edition

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Plank All Over Me Masterlist

Regular Masterlist

“I’m Chris Pine.” Tom waved to the camera.

“And I’m Nick Cage.” You threw your hands up.

“And we have surprisingly both played a version of Spider-Man.” Tom jeered.

“I personally am not surprised Mr. Nicholas Cage played Spider-Man and I don’t know why you are.” You joked.

“Because he’s Nicholas Cage.” Tom pointed out.

“And he was born to play this role? Jealously is a disease, honey.” You waves your hand in Toms face.

“Don’t say it.” He groaned.

“Get well soon.” You blew him a kiss which he swatted away.

“She said it.” He looked at the camera and sighed.

“I feel like we need to start warning brands that we’ll do a video with them, but the intro is gonna be ten minutes of us fighting and there’s nothing they can do to stop that.” You laughed as you realized you were doing it again.

“We’re doing the Friendship Test with Glamour by the way.” Tom said. “Sorry Glamour for not warning you how difficult we are to work with.”

“We’re also not friends.” You said sarcastically.

“We’re going to be man and wife in a few months.” Tom reminded you.

“That doesn’t mean we’re friends.” You replied. “I also never understood the phrase “man and wife.” Like, you’re still a man but I unlock the secret third gender of “wife”? It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“Darling, the only two genders are Coke and Pepsi.” Tom said as if it were obvious.

“Oh, right. My bad.” You laughed.

“Lets start the video.” Tom suggest and clasped his hands together.

“Yea, I think this has been our worst intro yet.” You said apologetically.

“We’re gonna have you guys talk a little about each other in separate rooms first.” A crew member behind the camera told you.

“Oh, okay.” You said as you were lead into the adjacent room.

“Talk to us about Y/n.” Tom was asked in his room.

“Tell us about Tom.” They asked you.

“My favorite thing to talk about.” Tom grinned shyly and looked at his feet.

“Where do I even start?” You shrugged.

“I always say this, not necessarily to her, but she is not a girl you date. She is a girl you marry.” Tom began. “I cannot even imagine dating her and not ending up with her. That’d just be torture and it’d be unfair to all the other girls I came across because I’d always compare them to Y/n.”

“Sometimes, I put his phone on top of the refrigerator when we’re fighting.” You told the camera.

“There is no one in this world who’s more generous.” Tom gushed.

“He’s too short to reach it.” You laughed a little.

“More caring.” He continued.

“It’s really entertaining to watch him try and get it down.” You stated.

“More beautiful.” He listed off.

“He never does.” You shook your head.

“Or more giving than Y/n.” He finished.

“I always have to get it for him.” You chuckled.

“If I didn’t have her, I’d be searching in vain for the rest of my life for something that can give to me what she does.” Tom said sincerely.

“God, he’s also such a bad driver.” You sighed.

“But nothing compares to her.” He professed.

“He runs red lights like it’s his job.” You called him out.

“She completes me and it’s been the greatest joy of my life to love her.” Tom said, getting a little emotional.

“I’m always like “slow down, sonic!” and I honestly don’t even think he can hear me.” You shrugged.

“And to be loved by her.” He smiled.

“He’s crazy.” You said.

“She’s a blessing.” Tom said.

“Thanks guys. We’re gonna return to the first room now for the test.” The crew told you. You were brought back into the room where Tom was ready waiting with a small stack of black cards.

“Exercise one in the friendship test, we have to stare into each other’s eyes for three minutes.” Tom read off a little card. You turned to face each other and instantly smiled.

“Your eyes are so brown.” You commented as you studied them.

“Is that a good thing?” He asked.

“It’s the best thing.” You promised.

“Babydoll. My heart.” He pouted at your complement.

“I never loved brown eyes until I loved you.” You said softly.

“I never loved until I loved you.” He replied.

“Woah. Calm down there, Hamlet. This is Glamour, not our wedding vows.” You laughed shyly at his profession.

“Did you call me Hamlet?” His eyebrows knit together.

“Yeah.” You said as you continued to hold eye contact.

“And not Romeo?” He inquired.

“Why would I call you Romeo?” You asked.

“You’re calling me a famous Shakespearean lover boy and you chose Hamlet over Romeo?” He asked in confusion.

“Romeo was dumb. Oh, then actually yeah, you are Romeo.” You teased.

“If you’re being like this to my face, I can’t wait to hear what sweet things you said about me in the other room.” Tom joked.

“We were supposed to say sweet things?” You asked in a panic.

“She’s kidding.” Tom apologized for you, but you weren’t actually kidding.

“Yes. Kidding.” You lied.

“Has it been three minutes yet? My eyes are so dry.” Tom rubbed around his eyes.

“That makes me think of our plank video.” You smiled when he asked about the time.

“It’s been four.” A crew member told you and your and Tom finally broke eye contact.

“God, I can’t look at this hideous creature any longer.” You joked and Tom pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Exercise two, compliment each other.” You read off the next card.

“We have to write them down first?” Tom asked the crew.

“He’s asking because he can’t read.” You kidded.

“I know you’re joking, but I genuinely can’t read.” He laughed as he began to write down some compliments.

“It’s okay, baby. Do you best.” You laughed back.

“Okay. I’ll go first.” You opened your notepad. “You’re incredibly hard working. You always show appreciation to each and every person you come into contact with. You dedicate everything you have to your work and it really shows with your outstanding performances. You constantly give and never expect anything in return. You’re a great person to have on my team. And your ass is fat.” You read off what you wrote on the notepad.

“Baby, I’m gonna cry. You really think that about my butt?” Tom held a hand over his heart as he played into your joke.

“Yes. And I love your ears. I forgot to put that in there.” You remembered.

“I’ve always been insecure about my ears. You really like them?” He touched one as he looked at you.

“Yes, My Dumbo looking king.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his cheek several times.

“My turn.” Tom laughed at your statement. “I said you’re really good at making tea.” He read off the notepad and stared at you blankly.

“Babe, you didn’t.” You out your hands over your mouth as if you were about to cry.

“I did.” He nodded.

“Stop. You gas me up too much.” You pretended to wipe away tears.

“I have too, baby. No one makes tea the way you do.” He continued his joke.

“My secret is hot water.” You winked at the camera.

“Exercise three, ask anything.” Tom read off another card.

“There’s so much I want to know.” Tom gushed, as if he didn’t already know everything about his fiancé.

“Ask away.” You smiled.

“Who is your favorite actor?” Tom started his questions off.

“Oh, that’s a good question.” You pretended to think about it. “It’s gotta be Ryan Reynolds.”

“Oh, okay.” He nodded curtly. “Well what about your favorite actor named Tom? Preferably Tom H?”

“Easy. Tom Hanks.” You replied with a shrug.

“Let’s try this, favorite British Tom H?” He tried again.

“Tom Hiddleston, duh.” You laughed.

“Okay. Okay. That’s fine. Who’s your favorite actor who has portrayed Spider-Man?” He narrowed the pool.

“Another easy one. It’s obviously John Mulaney.” You said and looked at the crew for their agreement.

“He didn’t play Spiderman.” Tom stated.

“He played Spider-Ham in Into The Spiderverse. You didn’t specify if he had to have portrayed human Spider-Man.” You told Tom.

“Well then who’s your favorite British actor who has played Spider-Man?” Tom asked.

“Oh. I see. This was all a set up to the obvious. My favorite British actor who had played Spider-Man,” you shrugged and Tom smiled, “Andrew Garfield. Is he here? Was this a setup to surprise me with my favorite British actor who’s played Spider-Man?”

“He’s not here.” Tom pretended to be hurt.

“No? Then I have to leave early.” You joked.

“Lucky for you, we’ve completed all the exercises.” Tom said when he realized there were no more cards.

“So they took the fight to the death part out of the test?” You asked in faux sadness.

“I guess they did.” Tom laughed.

“Darn.” You shook your head as Tom wrapped his arms around your waist from behind.

“We can still fight to the death when we get home.” He said as he rested his head on your shoulder.

“Promise?” You asked.

“Yes, babygirl. I promise.” Tom pulled you into a hug and rolled his eyes at the camera. “Thank you for watching our Friendship Test.”

“And thank you Glamour for having us.” You said once you pulled out of the hug.

“Who knows? Maybe next time you see us, we’ll be married.” Tom winked at the camera.

“Or divorced.” You deadpanned. “Bye!”

Tag List 🏷

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#tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #plank all over me #tom holland x best friend!reader #tom holland x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #iron man #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine

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writer-and-artist27 · 5 years ago

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Triggers Are Scary

I’ve seen a lot of posts on this website talking about triggers and how they are something to be respected and treated delicately.

A part of me wishes people knew that more. So here I am. Writing this.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe it’s some kind of self-care. Some kind of want to let more people know and take them seriously.

I’m tired of hearing triggers being treated as a joke or a phrase of the day when I know I’ve gone through real ones and even now, my hands shake just from remembering those moments.

I’ve been distant from some friends because they gave off plenty of impressions that they don’t care or want to learn. I haven’t talked to an old friend from middle school because of how she laughed things off and didn’t seem to realize when my boundaries were pushed. Maybe it’s also self-harm because I keep coming back to these thoughts in my time of rest.

Still, I don’t want to be all negative since this topic is plenty personal for myself, so I’ll get to the point. This is my own experience with triggers.

Triggers are Scary.

More under the cut below.

------------------------------------------------

My triggers are literally what prove which friends are worth keeping in my life. Because when I’m triggered, I feel unsafe. I get tunnel vision and I don’t know what I’m doing. It takes all my emotional stamina to even come off as a normal person, and even then, people believe the mask more than see what’s really going on. My hands shake, it’s hard to breathe, sometimes I’m taking in deep breaths just to try calming my heart, just to not cry. Sometimes I do cry. Sometimes I chug so much water to the point of nearly choking because I’m trying to hold back crying in a public place. I can’t even control my reactions, and when it already is happening, I can’t stop it until I get to sleep in my own bed or have a friend’s reassurance.

And I’m supposed to be the lucky one who finds the time to get a safe space, for my family to happily give me the space to get back to that safe spot my heart can agree on. I’m the lucky one who’s able to rest and recover like the hero does in the movies.

My parents haven’t even seen my triggers because of how erratic they are. My family doesn’t even realize I have triggers because of how random they are.

Only my closest friends and my boyfriend have seen my triggers, and every time, I come out more shaken and upset with myself.

I’m supposed to be this ray of sunshine. Not to let anything affect me. That’s how it would be in storybooks.

The first time I was triggered in front of someone was with my boyfriend. We were kissing, having a romantic moment, and he wanted to take a step further by looking in a place I never imagined anyone would want to look. I said yes, he looked, and he was doing it so gently and delicately, just like the perfect boyfriend anyone would want. I was embarrassed, but he loved me. He still does, and I can’t stop being grateful for that.

Even then, even when my conscious mind could follow what was going on, my unconscious went haywire.

I didn’t realize I was nearly hyperventilating until a panicked Leo was in front of me, cradling my face to stop the tears. We were both fully clothed, there was nothing even remotely adult going on anymore, but I remember crying and apologizing so much, saying “I’m sorry for not being better for you.” Leo accepted all of it, my shaking and rocking, hugging me and gently instructing me to breathe deeply like the therapist he wanted to be in the future.

At that time, I wanted him to be the only one to see me like that. Because in that moment, I unconsciously remembered things I didn’t want to remember, and then I was that little girl again, crying for Mommy and Daddy to forgive her for doing something bad.

I was vulnerable and weak in that very moment, and I hated it. It took a long time for Leo to convince me that it was okay to be all that.

The second time was after an innocent review. Lang and I were talking, I asked about a character relationship, she clarified, and then my nose twitched. I didn’t realize my hands were going about clenching into tight fists over my laptop keyboard, in the middle of the friggin’ school library.

It was just two fictional characters having grown up and achieved the next step in their relationship.

It was supposed to be something normal.

It took a moment for my mind to catch up with the fact that I was close to crying. It was a simple question. I didn’t know. Lang didn’t know. It just happened, and now I was trying to keep myself together so that there was no evidence in the friggin’ school library.

I didn’t even mean it, the trigger, but my heart couldn’t get out the feeling that I had time-traveled back to a time of danger and I couldn’t get out. Lang was apologizing too, willing to give me space even though at this point, we didn’t know each other that well. I even remember seeing a message from her saying, “I’m not a professional therapist, Vy,” when I asked her to stay and talk with me. She still happily distracted me with words about her days as a substitute teacher, joking about Shakespeare and how middle school kids can be such doofs, but it definitely shook me.

I thought everything was over. I was a young adult in college, working to find a career. The story books never talked about the broken adult.

Lang could’ve left, but she didn’t. Do you know how rare that is?

You’re broken, the world wants you to heal or throw it under the rug, and rarely offers help.

The friends I do keep after everything are my help.

The world makes it out like they’re the only ones.

The most recent trigger was again over something innocent. A friend of mine was feeling specifically thirsty over a guy from the swimming anime Free, and it had resulted in her bellowing over him to the point of it shocking me. It had been a long hangout beforehand, it was already 9 pm and I needed to drive home, but all I can remember is how red my face was getting, how my hands were shaking, and how my voice was cracking. Everyone there didn’t know, I didn’t know, and we all treated it as “Vy being cute” or “just getting too embarrassed”, but it was only when I got into the front seat of my own car, in a familiar place, that I realized I was still shaking.

It took me nearly knocking over a traffic cone and trying to yell out my frustrations over my music in the drive home to realize I was affected again. I’m still surprised I didn’t get pulled over for a traffic ticket with how fast I was driving at night while shaken up. It was a late realization too, but by the time I got home and was slumping against the side of my bed, Lang and Os came to the rescue on my phone. Os was the one to bring up how I wasn’t as neurotypical as I thought, and by now, I can’t help but agree.

I think I’m broken, but I’m not destroyed.

I may be more able-bodied and “normal” than most, but that doesn’t stop my own cracks from showing.

All it took was a single action. A single reference to sexual activities, no matter what kind, to remind me of when I was ten and nearly assaulted without knowing it.

Maybe it’s why I’m ace. Why I’m demi, why I’m socially anxious, all of it.

When I tell people in real life about it, they either believe me or they don’t.

Leo, Lang, and Os have been some of those that go in the first category. And that category is still small enough to where I can count the number of people on my fingers.

A majority of people go in the second category. They smile and say “Yes”, but they don’t change their behavior. They seem to pretend what happened didn’t happen or go on to use “trigger” half-heartedly anyways. They even just go on with the day, not thinking about what exactly was said. Like I was a nothing to them. Even when I start to cry, the gravity of the situation doesn’t seem to sink in until I have to explain or yell at them.

I’m tired of explaining and yelling. I can’t do it forever.

I may be recovering, but I need the space for it.

So. For anyone who uses triggers half-heartedly in jokes or casual conversation, get away from me. For anyone who doesn’t address their own troubling behavior after I try to explain, don’t try it.

I can’t stay and work with you if you keep violating my safe space. And I’ve felt it violated before.

I can’t deal with that again.

Triggers are Scary. Treat them like that.

Believe that much.

#tw: trigger mention #long post #blog PSA #this has been a psa #triggers #personal

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critgemhero · 6 years ago

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I met the Critical Role gang and it went... mostly okay!!!

So yes, it happened. I got my autographs from everyone (except Ashely cuz she is not there) from Critical Role! Below I will go into detail my interactions with each. Sadly, as I suspected, my nerves take over my memory and I have forgotten what they mostly said outside of the typical reactions and a few key moments, but here is how it went down!

Mary Elizabeth McGlynn - I was first in line for her and facing away from her and down when she came out behind the curtain to start and was not ready at all I turned around like the dramatic friggin Chipmunk. I kept apologizing for some reason and then I got her autograph! She was trying to remember the name of Allura, who I was cosplaying and she recognized, and I forgot what we first talked about but she was the first to sign the book! I told her how much I adored her work directing Cowboy Bebop and asked if she directed Tangled The Series (which I had read online she did) and she said yes and said how much I loved that! I actually chose to get a selfie with her which I didn't do for ANYONE else except Matt, which honestly IDK why it just felt like an impulse decision. At least it looks 1000x better than my Matt one... oh god.

Sam Riegel - What compelled me to jump in and get Sam’s first, I have no idea. But I did. Anyway, this one went okay! I don’t remember much sadly, but I made a decision to tell the whole cast about my video editing and how they inspired me so much to get back into it and about my VFX video I did! I told Sam himself, the star, and he looked confused at first and I got nervous but I could tell when it clicked for him and he looked in SHOCK. He was like that, “that was YOU??? That was so good oh my god!” Pretty much all the cast had that reaction but only 3 are super memorable to me and he was definitely one of them. I remember he said something about how much hard work that must have been and to keep doing what I am doing or something along those lines. Then I tried quickly saying how much I love his voice work like Teddie from Persona, and while walking away said I was excited for Ducktales season 2 and he seemed happy by that and we parted ways!! I am sure there was more nuance too it but again, I FORGOT A LOT FROM MY NERVES.

Marisha Ray - I did these signings in SUCH a weird order, but I decided to get Marisha next. The sad part is that the most memorable moment was Matthew sitting right next to her doing her OWN signings and he randomly pointed to me and said “Hey just wanted to say you did such a great job on your cosplay! You look amazing!!! ” And I pretty much died right then and there like OH MY GOD. Then I actually got her autograph and she was super chill. I again kept anchoring to the inspiration to do my video editing thing so I told the same story to her and she recognized the video too! For some odd reason, I can’t remember her reaction and this really bums me out. I do remember her saying something along the lines of keep doing my best when making my work, but I also remember the incredibly endearing smile on her face when walking away.

Brian W. Foster - He was super chill and personable! There is a reason he is a good host on between the sheets for sure. I made the same video editing inspiration schpiel, but I feel like I worded myself better with him that time around? He was also super surprised and happy to learn it was me too! Sadly, can’t remember much after that, but once again it was all smiles and sweet words because anything bad or awkward would have stood out to me... trust me on that one later.

Taliesin Jaffe - Taliesin was such a unique interaction! Beforehand he was having some kind of deep and emotional conversation with the woman before me, and I heard him saying something along the lines as “it's been hard” and “I'm getting by day by day” and I my nerves were kinda overcome by compassion. When it was my turn to speak I said hi and while he was smiling he genuinely looked like he was about to cry???? I was starting to talk but I interrupted myself and genuinely asked if he was okay. He said yeah and that it was all just kinda overwhelming. I kinda forgot this middle part, though I feel like I did bring up the video editing thing. He recognized it too and said that the industry needs way more talented and passionate editors and emphasized how important they are. I can’t remember if it was HIM or TRAVIS who said this, but he said something along the lines of the industry really needing people like editors with how hard it is to do and how they basically MAKE the stories into movies themselves. The more I think about it the more I think it was Travis who said it... a lot of my interaction memories are mixed up from my nerves. Either way, I did something very out of character and asked if I could give him a hug. He had seemed so upset earlier and I saw that other woman give him a hug, so I told myself, hey if you are gonna get a hug from a cast member today, Taliesin is a great choice who would probably say yes (but I wanted to hug Marisha so badly too you have no idea, she was so sweet and endearing and made me feel better. Most others did but she was so huggable looking at the time) We hugged tight and I was on my way!

Liam O Brien - ... okay, things sadly got weird here and it kinda puts my mood down. I won’t lie to you guys, Liam seemed really off. Maybe he was overwhelmed by something or very reserved from being shy, but it seemed more like disinterest and... acting rudely? I feel kinda awful implying he was a jerk or something, but I did a really bad job trying to hold a conversation with him and I can’t even remember IF I told him about the video. He was very quiet, and seemed put off by my nervousness in some way? Like he did say something along the lines of “its okay we’re just people” but I barely remember if we made eye contact at all? I thought it was me at first, but I remember when looking up at him after a bit he was the one looking away a lot and I am unsure if I did something to make him uncomfortable or what. What really threw me off the most was his kinda strange remark about me saying how I grew up watching Naruto and loved Gaara. He just kinda nodded and said, “yep, I was a voice of your childhood” like... in disdain as if he has heard that 100 times before? Look... I am NOT saying everyone has to have the same reactions or super happy cheery demeanors (Ex. Taliesin) but something was so disconnected about all of it. Maybe I am only remembering the minor bad parts and am forgetting the good parts, but still. As much as I still love Liam for what he does, he was not having a good time that day and I can only hope I didn't make it worse or even somehow cause it :(

Travis Willingham - Boy this one has the highest and the lowest points. When meeting him I said how nervous I was with these and started rambling and it got pretty bad but he anchored me back in by doing Grog’s voice!!! I told him yes it helped and made me laugh. That was able to get me into saying how much I loved his voice work as Roy Mustang and others, and eventually, I got to my video editing schpiel and he had a similar reaction to Sam! Again, HE may have been the person to tell me everything about how hard editing is and how they are the ones that really make the film, not Taliesin. Then we parted ways... and I realized I had missed SO FUCKING MUCH. I didn’t get to tell him how much I empathized with him recently, or how Fjord was my favorite character, how my favorite acting he did was in Infamous Second Son with Troy Baker. Seconds after walking away I literally yelled “Oh I forGOT TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE FJORD” Like really awkwardly as he was already on to the next person but yikes. Great middle, horrible beginning/end.

LAURA BAILEY - I reached a point where I was actually SO nervous I was normal. Like, on the edge of tears but not really so I acted normal but was screaming inside. Luckily she was super personable and I told her she was my favorite voice actress of all time. She asked me what were some of my favorite roles and I was like oh god there are so many but I said Maka from Soul Eater was huge for me and how she was my first cosplay. She said I would make a fantastic Maka and I was so friggin happy!! Then I told her about my editing and Sam video edit and she was so friggin delighted and told me how the WHOLE CAST had seen them because they shared it with each other on a group text chat! She looked so happy and endeared by my words and encouraged me to keep doing what I do. I wish I could remember her words specifically, this is LAURA BAILEY we are talking about!!!

Matthew Mercer - Oh boy here is the big one. Everyone kept saying how he was a long talker and had long conversations with everyone so I was so friggin ready for that. Sadly, I think they started speeding things up with me and I didn't get that long convo. Still, Matt once again complimented my cosplay and I said thank you. I said I forgot the earings which really bugged me but he said if it helps he didn't notice! Then I revealed I almost cried over it and mentally punched myself because why the fuck did I say that out loud. Anyway I immediately went into my video editing schpeil, but I made sure to talk slower and more clearly since people said he made more time. I remember specifically saying thank you for retweeting it and then he recognized it and said how hard that must have been and how amazing it was. He went into this story about how got into editing himself a bit with using final cut pro and adobe after effects and how difficult and tiring it was for him to edit a project he was working on and commended me on how amazing the job was and how we need more editors out there to do that kind of work. I elaborated more on how much he and the rest meant to me and how they got me out of this rutt and helped me find a way to make something for myself and he held my hands real tight and reassured me. Again, WISH I COULD REMEMBER THE FUCKING WORDS, but he looked so happy and emotional for me and all of it felt extremely genuine. What a god damn sweetheart. Here is where things get bad and awkward tho... I forgot my selfie. I paid for a selfie and realized I had FORGOTTON to take it like 10 seconds later after the next person already started talking. I panicked and walked back to the guy managing the lines and he was like OH okay but I apologized to the people on line and him and he said “HEY GUYS are you alright with this young lady getting her selfie??” and they all were like YES and I felt embarrassed but better. Then he told Matt and he was like OH of course okay!! And I gave him my phone because I was confused and nervous and NOT READY or composed like I would have been before. I look awful with my neck way too far back, but it could have been worse... except the moment he took the photo I dropped my prop staff into my face and knocked my head back... I was friggin humiliated. He was like ah are you okay and I literally just said bye have a good day and rushed off almost dropping all my shit without looking at him at all. What a way for me to RUIN a perfectly decent signing... I hope he didn't think I was rude and understood I was kinda hugely embarrassed.

This is seconds before tragedy strikes.

Will Friedle - Yes oddly enough Matthew was not my last signing like I wanted, Will had a different schedule so he was last! Anyway I was kinda feeling bad cause I never watched Boy Meets World and I didn’t remember much about Kashaw other than he was kinda a jerk but a loveable one who was played really funny, and oh yeah he is RON STOPPABLE. So I refrained from saying and Crit Role stuff since the woman before me already asked all of that and got cool answers to (Vex and Vax would not be Zarha and Kashaw’s kid's names, he would let them have Teifling names) Anyway I was thrown off by him ROLLING A D20 outta nowhere and getting a 7. He rolled again so quickly and I said “Oh man a natural 1?” on the 7 because I didn't see it correctly, less than a second later guess what?? HE ROLLED A 1!! I laughed so hard I felt like I jinxed him! Either way, ALL my nerves were gone from that and it felt a lot better to get his autograph. I told him how much I loved Kim Possible growing up and Ron Stoppable, and how I always used to sing the naked mole rap with my family as a kid and how the bendy straw joke from the movie still kills me. It was way more relaxed then I expected. Then he said okay before you go let me roll and break the curse one last time. Right before he did he said you know what? YOU roll it and see if I could break his curse! I happily took it wishing for the best... I rolled a friggin 2. He said “well at least its better than 1″ and we were both so amused by it as I left! All things considering his went very well!! Anyway, that was my experience with CR autographs today! Some big highs, some big lows, and many content smiles and awkward silence. Overall I consider it a success... but barely. I did fuck up and missed most of their live show floor panel and I'm still kicking myself in the ass for that one.

#critical role #matthew mercer #nycc #nycc2018 #laura bailey #cr #travis willingham #sam riegel #marisha ray #liam o'brien #taliesin jaffe #brian w foster

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