#I am an emotional wreck forever

[nemmet]

i love peeta hunger games and his funky little tree arm

[atlasisnothere]

just listened to house of the dead for the first time and yeah I'm doing totally fine ahaha btw completely unrelated but if anyone needs me I'll be in the corner definitely not sobbing or anything

[nomazee]

i can’t get over how i’m forever and always proud of my sebastian sdv series,,, like that was genuinely my magnum opus. it was the first little mini series i wrote that i had fun with ,,, when i was writing it i was so full of heartbreak but i was also so happy at the same time and the fact that all of that emotion got channeled into one of my most successful writing pieces makes me OVERJOYED

[reblog-house]

Man, One Day from One Piece started playing while I was showering and I decided to let it play and. God I can still sing it. It's been so long since I last listened to it. Used to listen to it nearly every day of 2020 and then fully stopped as soon as the year changed. Fuck man.

[sinterblackwell]

tal bauer sneaking up on me right at the start of 2023 and absolutely wrecking me with his new release like what the fuck

[x-i-l-verify]

I should've told you about...

“Yeah, you probably should have,” they say. “We could’ve helped you. We know you like we know ourselves.”

I didn’t want to burden you with it.

“Burden? When are you ever a burden, rancher? You use that word a lot. Love isn’t a burden.”

You loved me.

“Always.”

What do you mean, always?

“Even if we didn’t know it yet, we loved you. We loved each other, all of us. One soul. One heart. Across time. Isn’t that something? A thousand years in the future, there’s someone that remembers you when they dig their hands in the earth and hum while they do it. A thousand years in the past, there’s someone that does a double-take in a market because they thought they heard your voice. It’s just a bunch of little souvenir forevers, isn’t it.”

your soul in blatchery plain | tundra vow | "wanna know a secret?" | goodbyes on star-grass | garden of heroes | the lusher the cradle, the lusher the grave

and still, the cradle blossoms: a fic about falling in love but make it familial and heartbreaking, but worth it to have loved and lost than not loved at all

fic link | playlist link

[kavehater]

Guys pls how do you randomly go up to your friend and tell them you love them sm without it sounding like you have a crush on them or that you’re a crazy ex trying to get their attention LOLOLOL

[its-avalon-08]

why did you leave me (cl16)

part2!

multipart story! prev || next

summary : charles and y/n have always been best friends. but y/n has been in love with him forever. when charles starts dating a new girl, out of respect y/n distances herself. but how much is too much?

✦ pairing - charles leclerc x female reader

Y/N sat alone in her room, the soft glow of her laptop screen casting shadows across her face. She had made the decision to distance herself from Charles, but the weight of that choice pressed heavily on her heart. She opened her photo gallery, scrolling through the countless pictures she and Charles had taken over the years.

The first photo she stopped on was one of them as children, covered in mud after a day of playing in the rain. Charles' bright green eyes sparkled with joy, and Y/N's face was lit up with a wide grin. She remembered that day vividly.

"Come on, Y/N! Let's see who can make the biggest splash!" Charles had shouted, his laughter infectious.

They had spent hours running through puddles, completely carefree. Y/N wiped a tear from her cheek, her heart aching with the memory of simpler times.

The next photo was from their high school graduation. Charles had his arm around her, both of them wearing their caps and gowns, faces beaming with pride.

"We did it, Y/N!" he had said, his excitement palpable. "We’re finally free!" He hugged her and spun her around as Y/N giggled.

"Yeah, we are!" she had replied, feeling a mix of happiness and sadness at the thought of their lives changing.

She continued scrolling, each photo bringing back a flood of memories. There was the picture of them at his first major race win, where she had jumped into his arms in celebration. Another showed them sitting by the campfire during their family camping trip, the warmth of the flames reflected in their eyes as they shared stories late into the night.

Tears streamed down Y/N’s face as she relived each moment. Her silent sobs wrecked her delicate frame. She came across a photo from the night they had celebrated her birthday. Charles had surprised her with a cake, a beautiful pendant and they had spent the night dancing and laughing.

"Make a wish, Y/N/N!" he had said, holding the cake in front of her.

She had closed her eyes, silently wishing that they would always stay as close as they were then. The irony of that wish now felt like a cruel twist of fate.

Unable to hold back her emotions any longer, Y/N began to sob openly. The realization of how much she loved Charles and how much she would miss him was overwhelming. She was losing her best friend and it was all her fault. Her tears glistened and she tried to silence herself but all the memories came rushing back. Every hug, every time Charles made Y/N feel loved, every fight, every milestone. Her large golden retriever, Elvis, sensing her distress, jumped onto the bed and nuzzled his head into her lap.

"Oh, Eli," she cried, wrapping her arms around the dog's neck. "I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know how to let him go."

Elvis licked her face, his warm presence offering a small comfort in her despair. Y/N buried her face in his fur, her shoulders shaking with the intensity of her sobs.

"I love him so much, Eli," she whispered. "But I can’t stand the thought of being so close and not being able to tell him. I don't want to hurt their relationship. She is so lovely and he is so happy. They deserve this and here I am, making this about me. But I can't do it. I can't stay close because it just hurts too much."

She looked back at the screen, her vision blurred by tears. The next photo was one Charles had taken of her when she wasn’t looking. She was sitting by the water, lost in thought, with a serene smile on her face.

"He always captured the best moments, Elvis," she said to the empty room, her voice breaking. "He always know how to make me feel special."

Max whined softly, pressing closer to her, and she stroked his fur, finding some solace in his loyalty.

"I wish things could be different," she continued, her voice barely a whisper. "I wish I had the courage to tell him how I feel. But he’s happy with Camille, and I can't ruin that for him."

As she scrolled further, she found the last photo they had taken together, just a few days before he told her about Camille. They were sitting on his couch, watching a movie, their heads leaning against each other. It was the last time things had felt normal, the last time she hadn’t felt the crushing weight of her unspoken love.

"I’ll always cherish these memories Charles," she said, her voice trembling. "But I have to let you go. It’s the only way I can protect my heart."

With a final sob, she closed her laptop and buried her face in Elvis's fur, letting the weight of her decision wash over her. She knew it would take time to heal, but for now, all she could do was grieve the loss of the closeness they once shared.

taglist : @hiireadstuff @starz4me1 @f1fantasys @aundercover @ohthemisssery @ggaslyp1 @hadids-world @matcha---matcha @f1luvUr @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @timmychalametsstuff

[coff33andb00ks]

20 Oscar

20: pressing the other’s hand against their cheek

warnings: author doesn't understand the meaning of the word "short" and (badly written) descriptions of a wreck during a race (no injuries)

driver + number = drabble/short fic <3

Piastri just doesn't give a fuck.

Oscar is just too chill.

Does he ever show emotion except when he's laughing at Lando?

You try to stay out of comments. Hell, you try to stay off social media, it's nothing but a cesspool of people with too much time on their hands and not enough brain cells to comprehend more than the surface level of what they're shown. But sometimes you like it, because there are creative people who put out beautifully edited videos of your boyfriend. Sometimes you show them to him, enjoying his giggling while he watches and shakes his head over someone finding him attractive enough to warrant a thirty second video set to a Rihanna song.

But the comments about his emotionless black cat behavior hurt. He's so much more than how he portrays himself. He's vibrant and so full of life, and you will forever appreciate the people who see beyond his social anxiety and notice his amazing sense of humor, his passion for racing and life. They'll never know the real him and will probably never understand why you fell in love with him.

Him. The sweet and shy guy who'd come to your defense when a rude customer had been berating you over a wrong order. His voice had cut over her yelling, calm and measured, and after your manager had kicked out the irrationally angry woman it had been Oscar that had approached you to check on you, frowning when he saw your tears. His gentle tone had calmed you, his respectful stance had won your admiration, and his calling the woman a fucking cunt had made you smile.

You wish you could defend him as he continues to defend you. When a video questioning how a nobody like you had bagged a formula one rookie had gone somewhat viral he'd taken to twitter and unleashed such a beautifully worded rant that people were still quoting it more than a year later.

It's come to my attention that some so-called fans are referring to my girlfriend as a nobody. Allow me to introduce her to you. She's funny, she's brilliant, she's beautiful. She's every word you can think of to describe the perfect person and she's so much more. She shines light in the darkest corners of my soul. Her eyes are a map of my universe. When you look at us together, know that I am constantly trying to be worthy of the love she gives me, and know that if you speak ill of her you will never have my respect but you will have my disgust.

You would never ever doubt his love for you. Not that you ever had but that had cemented it. You could never come to his defense in such a way. If you even tried you'd be sneered at for being a try hard.

And really, you didn't need to. Because the one thing Oscar did not give a fuck about was anyone's opinion. Only a handful of people mattered enough to him for him to care what they thought. You were blessed to be included on that list.

You love him so much that for a while it scared you, having never fallen into the this one person is my moon and stars mindset. But now you understand. He didn't just hang them, he is your moon and stars. Your one and only and if for some reason this doesn't end in forever you'll be ruined for any other man.

It was still a shock, though, when you felt your heart stop beating as you watched his car careen towards the barrier. The front wing clipped Max's rear tire and you can't breathe, watching in slow motion as the brightly colored car tips and lifts into the air. There is nothing but absolute silence around you in the McLaren garage and you're frozen, staring at the monitor while his car flips and rolls, carbon fiber flying in every direction when it lands upside down, his helmet just visible as it slides to a stop at the safety fence.

Silence. Then pandemonium. Your world has just flipped and spun and you can't breathe, ears straining to hear him but you can only hear the crackle of the radio when Zak and Tom try to get him to respond.

Then, finally, his voice. Shaken and scared. "Are they okay? Please tell me they're okay."

Of course he'd ask after the others involved. You can finally breathe but it hurts, not knowing that he's okay. And you can't do anything but wait, heart barely beating until he's finally out, he's moving, he's giving the fans a thumbs up as he's put on the stretcher. You still can't do a thing and you've never felt more useless than you do while you're waiting just inside the medical center with Zak and Lando, who'd come to wait during the red flag.

Then the most beautiful words you've ever heard.

"He's okay."

There's more after that, about him being transported to the local hospital for a complete check, the possibility of a concussion but he's okay. And you're allowed to go see him while the ambulance is readied.

He's sitting up, looking a little pale but he's not hurt, he's in one piece, and when he sees you he gasps. You try to be gentle when you embrace him, but he steals your breath, holding you so tightly it hurts, his face pressed into your neck.

"They won't tell me - are Max and George okay?" His voice is strained and you feel his tears.

"They're fine, my love," you promise.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, I don't know what I did. I was going good and then I was upside down." His voice shakes and cracks and he's trembling, one hand fisting in your shirt. You reach for the other.

"Shh shh... It's okay my love," you whisper, your tears finally spilling when he guides your hand up, holding it to his cheek as he lets out a shaky breath. "Everyone's okay, you're okay."

His eyes meet yours and your world rights itself.

[groundbreakingdot872]

@pyjamacryptid ;) may I suggest ‘my tears ricoche- *GUN SHOTS*

you never fail to knock me off my feet with the analysis !! and good god, this is heavy

“when did it all go wrong and how could I have helped”

“if I had known how could I have been there for you”

“what could I have done so I would not LOSE YOU”

there’s so much static when they meet, exactly how you described, tension that more resembles a snapped rubber band than a taut line, when they stood face to face, looking into each other’s eyes and seeing all the lineage but never the history

I think of that deleted scene too, and the weight of Merlin’s silence to Arthur’s grief- he is beholden to it like Merlin is to his secret, an ugly desire to see Morgana smile fondly at him again, laugh at him and poke holes in all his plans again, because she is one of who got away- his once and future regret

-irreparable

He loves her wit and sharp understanding of the things that escape him, he loves the way she tosses her hair when speaks to him, even in scorn, even with venom dripping from her words and that is what’s really killing him, the sword fragment driven deep inside

I imagine it was like a vortex too, like you described ‘an all consuming pain’ the bite in her words when she admitted to Annis, without even thinking twice, “because he’s Arthur” - of course

something she gnawed on all the nights she spent crystallizing hate into battle plans, something for her to reap into existence without pressing too hard on the festering wound it had stemmed from

“And Arthur was the next best thing” EXACTLY

He was the substitute for a generations-coming need for retribution that thrummed at her fingertips, the dark destiny she breached when the Cailleach told her she would be the one to bring back magic to Albion

now she had a destiny. a throne. a target.

All because Arthur had been next in line, legitimately and unknowingly, and she was able to inherit the crown of thorns her fellow (weary and angry) magic users placed on her brow, without the consequences or crime of Arthur’s condemned patriarchy

He doesn’t fully understand her rage, and always stands just outside it; pulled into the summoning circle of punishment by nature of being a Pendragon- but he tries so hard to catch her from the whirlpool, whilst being blind to its clutches around him

HE wanted acknowledgement and SHE wanted repentance

Or was it the other way around? The idea of cycles, of concentric motives pointing all the way down, into still and murky silt which they were both meant to be buried alive in is horrifying, terrible and so endearing all at once

AND YES

the private acknowledgment by Merlin vs the public dishonor and dismissal by Gaius and Uther ruined her and I can’t scream it loud enough !!!!

Morganas’ a disaster seen in the ‘distant’ rear view mirror, a lighting strike, a hateful match and a dismembered love all at once

and

Arthur allowed her to silently tear away at his heart, 10 years past living memory, for more than shared blood for more than needing clarity, for more than promises long expired but

because he loved her

as simple as that

I always think of this scene and the feast with Sarrum in conjunction.

Arthur seems betrayed over and over again by Morgana, like every time is the first time, because it feels like the first time to him

He’s always had the uncanny ability to stand up for her in court, behind Uther’s back for sure, but he had made her a priority when she showed up at his door

And on his trips. And for his counsel. And at his battles. Wherever she invited herself along, he would make the effort to see her, and value her input, like she was equally as important as an advisor even as a cast-off ward, or however much a nobody the rest of the court perceived her- ‘high strung’ and valuable only to look at

…He would think of her, and her well-being, constantly

Even if he had to smile through the pain and lift his goblet at Sarrum, even if he had to put up the pretense of not caring

Just like he said in ‘Lancelot and Guinevere’ - “my father is right Morgana” when she had begged him for help publicly

But afterwards, when he retires to his chambers, he would put on his armor for Morgana

Take up his sword and shield

And believe her

Even if he must do it in secret…

And that’s what makes this scene all the more heartbreaking to me, because yes, appearances can be deceiving

And he had his friends and family fooled all along, if they believed that he had ever stopped loving her

[astrobei]

hi i love your fics and I was wondering if you had any byler fic recs

thanks

hello there! in all honesty, i have not had the time to read a lot of byler fic as of late, but it’s been a while since i posted some recs so i’ll drop a few that i’ve enjoyed recently! as always, i do endorse every fic in my bookmarks to the highest possible degree, so always feel free to look through those for new reading as well <3

say it with your hands by pseudologia (@hellfiremike) — will is a new employee at the movie theater mike works at, and mike starts thirsting over will’s hands to a degree that’s downright detrimental to his employment status

GOD. this fic. i gushed in their dms immediately after finishing it because this might be my favorite modern will characterization of all time, and this is coming from someone who has a million and one takes on modern era will byers. this fic just checked all of my boxes — from the summertime romance to mike’s painfully in-character teenage angsting to will being a frequenter of star wars reddit threads and an enjoyer of sufjan stevens. and the TENSION. oh god the tension. i’ve read all their fics probably three times over each, and i also highly recommend like i am home again, a college au set during a halloween party which made me stare at my phone refreshing ao3 hourly until it updated, and can this be a real thing (can it?) wherein mike and will reunite in a gay bar. enough said

landslide by chamb3rs — the party’s senior year of high school

i don’t often reach for chaptered fics since i usually have such limited reading time, but i’m sooo so so happy i stumbled across this one. there have just been very few fics that have touched me like this one did. i blew through this in one sitting a few weekends ago and subsequently experienced the full range of human emotions (and then some) all in the span of a few hours. everything about this was perfect — the will pov, the weird liminality of transitional periods, the party and byhop family dynamics, down to my favorite portrayal of theeeee jennifer hayes in any fic ever. on top of all of that, this fic perfectly captures the heartbreaking euphoria of being in love with your best friend, and all the ups and downs that come with it. i crawled out of the ao3 tab covered in blood and my chest was hurting and i was shaking and i had damn near chewed my own arm off — and then i sent the link to my friend 10 minutes later and watched her experience the same exact thing like a train wreck in slow-mo HAHAHA

what a time to be alive by passerine_in_jade (@newlesbianprideflag) — will disappears and haunts mike from the upside down

i’m forever a total sucker for a good haunting metaphor, so it’s absolutely not a surprise that this fic is appearing on this list. the premise for this was so so so cool and interesting, and it’s another chaptered fic i’m glad i had a little extra time to read. the way the author had me rooting for mike and will the whole time even though half of the pairing was offscreen for a large majority of the fic is a highly commendable feat. mike’s unyielding loyalty to will and will’s constant faith in him felt so true to their canon selves, and there were so many moments that were so quiet and intimate and tender that i really felt like i was intruding on something. good good stuff

that’s what you get for falling in love by harriet_vane — will gets his first boyfriend in college, and mike, ever the ally, has very normal feelings about it

i want to preface this by saying that this fic is rated m, mostly just for mentions/allusions to sex, and one largely non-explicit portion of a scene in the last chapter. if that’s not your cup of tea, it’s easy to tell when it’s coming up and to skip past it without detracting from the plot, but i think it would be a greater detriment to not rec this fic at all, because it has quickly made the list of my favorite byler fics of all time. something about this take on jealous mike especially resonated with me — his inner monologue is simultaneously hilarious and depressing, and his obliviousness regarding his feelings for will feels so true to life without being overdone or cartoonish. you can tell just how much they really care for each other, and the conflict in this actually made me start crying because it felt so visceral and so fundamentally them. you can tell this author really understands their characters, and the love put into this fic is soooo palpable. it’s the kind of fic where you want to bonk their heads together to knock some sense into them, but you are helpless to do anything but hold on as you’re swung along for the ride.

finally, i try not to just rec fics written by my friends, but my recent reading list would be incomplete without these two wonderful additions:

the way you love me by strangeswift (@strangeswift) — byler exes (absolutely heartwrenching edition)

i’ve been hearing abby talk about her ideas for this fic for the better part of a year as she worked on it, and she actually edited and posted the first two chapters while i was visiting her! and by god is this world a better place with her byler exes concept in it, because if you want angst, you’ll never have to look further than her ao3 page. something about the way she writes will in this fic just makes my heart shrivel up and die in my chest — his quiet resignation, the bitterness (always love a good bitter will byers moment) and the Longing that never quite went away. mike’s characterization is also top notch, and you can really feel the chemistry between them during every interaction. at the time of me posting this list, chapter 4 is not yet up, but trust me when i tell you guys it’s going to soooooo be worth it. :-)

the end is here by bookinit (@bookinit02) — a speculative byler-centric season 5

if you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that haven’s canon rewrite series is hands-down my favorite series across any pairing and fandom. her creativity with her season 5 concepts never fails to astound me — from the scripts she’s been working on as an alternative to the episodes she rewrote for s1-4, to her ideas for possible plot lines, and just incredible writing all around. i’ve had the privilege of reading through her scripts before she posts them to her blog (definitely go check them out) but special privilege bias aside, it takes soooo much skill to create such a visually powerful story in a medium that allows for such little narration, and the corresponding chapters just totally pushes it over the edge. pre-s5 required reading for every byler, and 100000% my new canon if the show doesn’t pan out

this definitely is not an exhaustive list because i have a million and one fics on my to-read, and one day i will get around to reading them all, but i hope there is something on this list that strikes your fancy!!

[maybefeelingsss]

I thought that Galway video would be a cute little thing but instead I am now an emotional wreck 😭😭😭

It feels like an end of an era but it’s not because POLIN SEASON FOREVER!!

[rqdominique]

Friday June 21, 2024 9:57 am

today i woke up (well i never went to sleep) with the wrecking ball of time flooding over my body like a dark avalanche. i couldn’t tell you why today of all days my whole life before me montaged in front of my eyes but it did. i wondered where my friends have gone, the ones i no longer speak to (not for any bad reason we just stopped talking). i felt the whiplash of all the seasons changing and their emotions too. i wanted to crawl inside of a hole and forever live in the comfort of my memories. i was crippled. my skin suddenly felt saggier than usual and my eyes darker. where had the time gone. why had my body changed so much and my face feels unfamiliar and worn. i told myself i was going to rot in bed for the time being. then i decided to have a cigarette. this cigarette was kinder than it could ever know. i opened the curtains and walked outside to the brightest sun of this summer yet. and all was okay.

[alphaofdarkness]

I’m a sobbing mess help 😭 I will never recover from this —

Just had to doodle my dear friend's beloved OCs ;;w;; I love them so much and I hope i can draw more of them and more!

I'm sorry if the colors are awkward, I still have no real handle on coloring, shading, or rendering art. I will do better next time, @alphaofdarkness

[mangooes]

Chapter 1 - All will eventually fall upon the earth

Chapter 2 - I weep for the departed

Chapter 3 - Ready for another dance, shadow monarch?

Chapter 4 - Interwined for now, perhaps forever?

Acheron had always wandered the endless corridors of the stars, guarding the path between life and death. As one of the mysterious followers of the Aeon of Nihility, she was familiar with the endless voids of space, the quiet pulse of dying stars, and the delicate line that separated existence from oblivion. However, the new world she found herself in was different from her original.

The world of Hunters was alive with power, with bustling cities, labyrinthine dungeons, and individuals who bore the weight of immense strength as if they were gods themselves. This world of impossibility has summoned her. 

When she woke up in the body of a child, she realized maybe the aeons above had finally given mercy on her. Alas as time progresses, she learns that this was not mercy, rather it seems the aeons would want to torment her further. This world is not much different than her old ones, people who have the strength, the power to do things still exist. But one thing she learned was that aeons do not exist in this world, rather monsters who wreck havoc in a form of dungeons and those who defend humanity are called hunters. It's not long before she met a certain boy around her age, it appears that a family consisting of a father, a mother, a brother and a sister has moved in right next to her. “Hello!” came a greeting from the boy and the girl. The boy introduce themselves as Sung Jinwoo, and the girl Sung Jinah. “What’s your name? we are the same age so i thought maybe we can be good neighbors..” the boy asked with enthusiasm. 

“My name..? "Acheron..." Merely a borrowed name. You know my nature, remember my deeds... Thus, I am Acheron. “

The boy and the girl turned to look at each other and smiled awkwardly, “Okay then it’s nice to meet you acheron!” That was their first ever meeting. After that, there comes frequent meetings, and soon from strangers, neighbors, to friends or even more. Acheron had witnessed Sung Jinwoo’s whole life and had been with him as he progressed, from being the weakest hunter to the strongest hunter in the world, even obtaining the power of the king of death, the shadow monarch. And in the midst of chaos against three monarchs and Jinwoo dying the second time, she bid her farewell as the light of the stage dims on her. 

In an empty space white and black color spreads across, only a black hole was seen in the middle of it making the land filled with nothing. There stood a confused now young man and a young woman with her features stained in white and red from her previous purple and black appearance. 

“I’ve trusted you for so long to not even notice this, I knew your strength is beyond a normal hunter’s capability,why are you keeping it a secret from me? from us? just who are you acheron…  the real you?” the young man with black hair and purple eyes that seems to glow in the dark asked with uncertainty. 

“I’m not your enemy, this place i’ve taken you in, has no relations to the world outside, to the chaos around, and to the time that runs fastly like a prey. I won't hurt you, your time is still long  Jinwoo.” the woman finally turns to the young man. 

“But why..? the young man asked with emotions flowing. 

“Perhaps by the time I spent here, I've grown quite fond of you, Jinwoo. Maybe if fate allows us to meet again. Then we shall, I shall tell you a tale.. as for my name ... .Raiden Bossenmori Mei…for that is the truth of my life.” the young woman said

“Raiden Bossenmori Mei… what a beautiful name..” the young boy repeats with a soft tone.

The young woman sighed and turned around looking away from the young man as she drew her sword. “Know this Jinwoo, our meeting, and everything, from the start to the end will return to Nihility. Everything will just be a dream that you won't remember. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, you have the whole world before you and the people who truly care about you.” the young woman paused before red electricity sparks uncontrollable around the empty space and the area. 

The young man stood stunned, before screaming desperately “What do you mean by this..? Why are you saying this?? Are you leaving me?? No you can’t possibly do this..!” The boy asked with frustration, seen with his now intensifying glowing purple eyes as the ominous aura around him seemed to grow within seconds. 

The young woman simply smiled, a genuine smile on her face as a drop of blood tear fell from her red blood eyes as she strikes her sword. “I wish you luck and farewell, Sung Jinwoo. May death be the end of your boundless dream….guiding you back to the waking world.”

hey guys! i haven't writen in a very long time sahdbsakad, so before i continue this short fic (or not) i wanted to say that my english is not that good and idk which tag i should put this story under tbh so i'll just put it under everything at this point. Cuz like i think an acheron in the world of solo levelling is interesting (she so hot ksajdn) anyways this story would prob be focused on the new world (like the resetted world yk) idk tho help

[dramaturgydrakes]

of things i have little power over

odysseus has been on ogygia for a long, long time. hermes pays a visit.

words : 1,111

content warnings : very vaguely implied sa, odysseus being sad

notes : im not going to torture myself w mega fancy talk this is epic fanfiction.. also im very nervous about posting this and am aware that its kinda overly self-indulgent and not like. character-accurate. but wtv great grandpa hermes

the soft pat of feet connecting with sand behind him is different than usual.

“i thought i told you i needed some space,” he says anyway. they’re the only two people on the island, after all.

“i’ll stop by in another five years, then.”

he tenses. has he started to hallucinate again? but, no—

hermes crosses his legs on the white beach, seating himself next to odysseus and casting his head in the same direction—out towards the endless sea.

odysseus’s mind has cast many illusions upon him in the past years. a god’s presence, however—it is undeniable. ultimate. every part of him resonates with certainty.

hermes is here.

he doesn’t know where the god is really looking. little wings cover the upper half of his face; an obstacle meaningless to a divine entity whose true form is boundless energy. the immortal says it’s for the aesthetic, whatever that means.

“i haven’t seen you in forever,” is all odysseus can bring himself to say.

hermes makes a sound without certain definition. “and i see you every day,” he responds. somewhere in his voice, odysseus hears a mournful pain that he could never imagine a deity suffering.

he doesn’t know how to process that. he traces a finger through the sand. “why are you here?” his brow pinches with an upwards glance. “a message?”

one of the wings beneath hermes’ ears flicks, and he hums. “someday,” he says. it’s hopeful, almost. “i’ll see to it. but for now,” and he turns his head so it’s certain his eyes are on odysseus, wings guarding them or not, the smile he’d been wearing now less strained, “can’t i just visit my favorite great-grandson?”

the sound odysseus lets out is something bitter and utterly wrecked. he hasn’t the mind to call it a laugh.

“time really is fickle to the gods if you’re only here now,” he sighs, placing his chin on crossed arms that he’s left draped over his knees. hermes’ smile drops an inch or so.

“i’m sorry,” the god, the immortal, the deity, the all-powerful, who need not have regrets, tells him. “it wasn’t lack of care that kept me away, i…” he shakes his head, expression grim. “it’s unfair to burden you with my excuses.”

odysseus doesn’t want them. hermes doesn’t give them.

“i wish i could take the suffering from you.” odysseus flinches, and the words are quickly rectified. “i mean that… i wish my words meant more to my father. that you weren’t trapped here, if any place at all. that he wasn’t so cruel and inconsiderate to—”

he cuts in like scissors snipping apart a string, hermes’ voice falling away in time with his rising. “to leave me with her.” just the thought has him blinking away stray tears, stomach rolling. “i know. you’re not cruel, hermes. you have more kindness than most gods i’ve had the time to meet.”

hermes is silent.

odysseus once thought that a god was either filled with rage, or their emotions simply remained imperceivable.

it’s just their way, he had told himself, under the cold eye of athena, who never took less than perfection in his every thought and every step.

it’s just their way, he had told himself, when zeus stared him down and expected him to either end the short life of an infant or allow for his life to crumble away.

it’s just their way, he had told himself, as great, mountainous boulders crushed eleven of his ships, while poseidon watched and waited for the perfect moment to end his life.

it’s just their way, he had told himself, when he was again faced by zeus, and had his hand forced in choosing who was to live and who was to die.

but hermes’ guilt—his sorrow, his grief for one of his family’s pain… it feels as though odysseus could take it into his hands and hold it; turn it over and examine every facet, every scratch, every bump and nook, like a jewel not wholly refined.

it’s overwhelming in ways he can’t comprehend, perhaps just for his mortality. and, yet, at the same time, there’s what he could believe to be relief swelling inside him, knowing that there is someone who cares.

the edge of a wing from hermes’ lower back brushes over odysseus’s shoulder, the offer of an embrace hovering in the quiet air.

he relaxes as much as he can, and lets himself be pulled in. it’s the strangest thing, being pressed to the side of an immortal whom he had believed held no real care for him, half-wrapped in fluffy white feathers.

it stretches on, the silence. he isn’t sure if time really passes, or if it’s just the feeling of eternity—but the sun is beginning to set, so he supposes that it must.

“of the things i have little power over,” hermes says as the water is painted red, soft and near inaudible, “i think this is the one that hurts me the most.”

he shifts, and odysseus moves with him.

“but i do have plenty of power over this.”

for the first time in years, odysseus is hugged and held in arms that do not make him ill.

he did not think the gods to be affectionate. not even hermes. and, yet… maybe his pain is enough to take what he didn’t think he could be given, without question, just this once.

he finds tears running down his face when they part, and hermes smiles in a nervous, apologetic sort of way, gently patting his head. “i may try,” he says, “but i’m not that good at this. gods… gods were never really built to be parents. or great-grandparents.” odysseus sees milky golden eyes peek out from under small wings, but they’re quickly hidden away again as the god sighs heavily. “there are no words to describe how sorry i am. perhaps because gods are not built for apologies either.”

while hermes’ laugh is dry, odysseus feels a smile tug his lips. it’s surreal, how this whole evening has so deeply subverted his perception of his divine ancestor.

a god cares about him. a god cares about him without expecting perfection in return. a god cares.

a hand grasps his shoulder. “if you call to me,” hermes tells him, “i’ll come. for any reason that you need me. i will suffer every ounce of my father’s wrath if it means you are not left alone here.”

the wings lift away, and though his eyes are nothing but pure golden-white, odysseus still searches them.

and he still finds sincerity.

so, he tries his best to smile, weak and wobbly as it is.

“thank you, hermes.”