#I am actually pretty posh tbh

[majorbaby]

i was going to make a video compilation but actually i think that would give MASH too much credit or make it seem like I really think this show did generally well by race and racism, plus I can't go back and edit a video if I change my mind at any point. so here's my text-based list of race moments that actually land for me, whether intentional or based on my personal interpretation.

s01e05 The Moose - which is mostly a white saviour episode but actually does do a few things right:

this moment of solidarity between Oliver and Young-Hi

in response to the Swamp Rats' indignation that anyone would sell their child into servitude, Ho-Jon explains very frankly "Well some of the locals sell their kids for money Hawkeye, they have no other means." - not to say that it's right that Young-Hi's parents did that to her, but like, they didn't sell her to get rich, they did it because they're likely living in poverty and they have other younger children to support

Young-Hi cheekily explaining in her letter to Hawkeye "heehee the nuns have no idea I'm Buddhist" she's taking them for a ride, it's great

and Young-Hi's "I am also very beautiful!"

s02e15 Officers Only

Hawkeye introducing a black enlisted man as his brother-in-law - soooo very recently, like I argued this at the mic at my last convention, we've started to rethink the use of"brother" and "sister" to refer to your union comrades has start. if your boss caught you organizing with a friend after work, you would say "oh that's just my brother/sister". arguments against this are gaining traction now because of growing awareness of non-binary people but tbh it should have never been a thing it only protects white people who can reasonably pass as siblings, if you're black or brown you're SOL (as you usually were anyway). so anyway. this is a long ass paragraph just to say that Hawkeye saying " brother-in-law" in the union episode of MASH makes me feel ways. someone was thinking about intersectionality way back then.

s02e19 The Chosen People

Sam Pak in OR at the beginning of the episode, thanking America for saving Korea "from the bottom of our bomb craters." and also just generally making jokes that actually land about the Korean language because he's the one making them, "Pish-posh? That's my mother's family name"

tbh Sam walking around like he owns the base is pretty great in general

s05e08 Dear Sigmund

Klinger: Smaha! Smaha! Potter: [to Private Habib] What'd he say? Habib: He said "Smaha! Smaha!"

If it is Arabic it's funny because Potter assumes Habib will translate and he just repeats the words in Arabic because that is what Klinger literally said. If it is gibberish it's funny because Potter assumes its Arabic and Habib gives him the gibberish. This is one of my favourite gags in the whole show and fun fact also the moment I realized Jamie Farr must be a native speaker because his accent is so natural. It's pretty cool he got to flex that.

s05e11 Hawk's Nightmare

this is just me, but I love that Hawkeye describes the people of Crabapple Cove as never changing colour, always the same "off-white" - this was a time you almost never heard white people acknowledge their whiteness, except when speaking about racism. really struck me the first time i heard it. probably my favourite thing from Hawkeye re: race and it's not intentional. I definitely prefer it to his white saviourism

s06e08 In Love and War

the exchange between Kyungsoon and Hawkeye where the extent of his naiveté is put on display, "You're being awfully practical about this" "I thought you liked that about me [list of things she had to do for survival that Hawkeye initially admired in her but is now throwing in her face]"

episode ends in Hawkeye having to accept that sometimes love is irrelevant, the circumstances are what they are (the love was there and it didn't matter, but it was there) - this imo is the only episode of MASH that even begins to touch on the realities of being a Korean civilian in the war

s08e03 Guerilla My Dreams

the gang fails to save a woman from being taken away and she will likely die, as would've probably happened irl. sometimes being on a sitcom isn't enough to save you from your fate as a prisoner of war and it was good to be reminded of that for once. it's the white saviour trope averted.

s08e08 Private Finance

I can at least appreciate that this time when someone is explaining how all sides of the war are to blame for the scourge of war, it's a young Korean girl in her own words. rest of the episode is questionable but normally such a line would go to Hawkeye.

s08e15 Yessir that's Our Baby

the Korean official biting back when Hawkeye tries to accuse him (on behalf of the country) for not recognizing mixed-race babies as Korean, stating that neither does America recognize mixed-race babies with American fathers as Americans, unlike France and the UK

s11e01 Hey Look Me Over

this episode is textually about the very specific and not uncommon experience of being desexualized as a fat, Asian-American woman - it deserves a proper episode recap/analysis with that lens and I'm planning on take a stab at it if/when I ever get around to that ep in my rewatch. these stories were not being told in mainstream media until like, five years ago. there are some the hypersexualized or fetishized Asian woman in media and usually the movie/show/comic is doing that as a selling point rather than commentary. it's unfortunate we haven't progressed much since that moment 40 years ago.

[citation needed, cannot remember the name of the episode]

while admitted a Korean doctor tells Hawkeye he wishes things were different and that he could work alongside Hawkeye and BJ and Hawkeye asks with perfect American ignorance (paraphrase), "You'd want to do that?" and he responds, "You treat the enemy, why can't I?"

And finally, Soon-Lee and Klinger in GFA, a little bit in As Time Goes By. I started writing an essay on Klinger as the romantic lead of GFA but I think I'm going to try to make it a video essay so I can include clips from the show without having to make a bunch of gifs.

But in a nutshell, Klinger gets to do stuff in GFA that the often emasculated brown man still doesn't get to do much on television. As MASH progressed we did occasionally get to see Klinger take on a more serious role, Alan Alda has spoken on trying to do that for the character rather than rehash dramatic plotlines for Hawkeye or BJ who got plenty of their own.

Having Klinger represented that way gives audiences a chance to see him more three-dimensionally. As someone who is capable of romantic love, attraction, courage and someone who might be sexually desirable to others - in a less direct way than Kellye demands of Hawkeye in Hey Look Me Over. I think the lack of subtlety in Hey Look Me Over is great because there can be no question about what that episode is supposed to do and also because it drives home that Hawkeye is so blinded by his preconceived notions of what a "desirable woman" looks and sounds like that Kellye has to scream it in his face before he realizes what he's been doing. But it's also nice to have an example that's woven into the writing and cinematography.

Normally I don't like to add these kinds of disclaimers because I value open conversation but if you're rb'ing, please be mindful of your tags. I intentionally excluded a lot of the moments where I know I'm supposed to give this show an A+ for its progressivism when it has a white person demonstrating basic human decency. That bar is just too low for me.

[riverstardis]

who cares?:

looks like i am going to be carrying on with these

pretty sure this is the ep where ethan treats that doctor who kid

yeah it is!!

the grandma calling him doctor🥺

“are we walking or taking the tardis”🥺🥺

the kid asking ethan about being a doctor i love this scene “do you like being a doctor?” “yeah, most of the time” “i wanna be a doctor when i grow up” “what area of medicine are you going to specialise in?” “time travel” “i see, that kind of doctor”

i remember seeing someone say that when they made ethan a big dw fan it was a retcon bc he’s not a fan in this episode but i don’t think that’s true at all bc he immediately knows what the kid’s talking about (tho tbf i think most british people probably would, but like it took fenisha a few seconds to realise the joke in the comic con ep it wasn’t immediate) and he says “allons-y” when they’re setting off in born lucky so they were definitely writing him as at least actively watching doctor who. also in the comic con ep he wasn’t expecting to see anyone from work there and he was embarrassed when he saw fenisha so it seems realistic to me that he just didn’t want to mention it at work, because why would he? just because he didn’t say anything about being a fan himself in this ep doesn’t mean he wasn’t one. another possibility is that his love for dw had a resurgence after cal’s death given how they used to watch it together growing up🥲

“which, for those of us who aren’t doctors“—he looks at the grandma—“is a posh way of saying a broken arm” yeah cause the kid’s a doctor too🥺🥺🥺🥺

dixie, jeff, and big mac roleplaying to prepare for dixie’s hearing thing sjskdkfkfk

“okay i am really sorry, it was misjudged. i’ll never follow my heart again. i will become a robot and care a little less about patients with every passing day, okay?” big mac: “… shall we try that again?” while jeff just stares at her lmaooo

connie keeps offering to do paperwork and sort out complaints and stuff and then making suggestions about it and zoe’s just letting her do it because she’s swamped but she’s always rolling her eyes whenever connie’s just asked her something meanwhile connie just looks at her in disbelief after she’s turned her back ig because she’s surprised that zoe’s letting her essentially take over so easily skskdkdkdj

lmaooo the paramedics get called to a nearby street and mac’s like “it’s hardly worth taking the ambo” and jeff’s like “nah good point, we’ll call em back shall we? tell em to stop being so lazy”

“well look i’m not saying that zoe did wrong but, i don’t know i suppose it’s the surgeon in me but, really, i think you and i know that chest should’ve been opened immediately. and on top of her game so would zoe. surprised she didn’t have the confidence” connie subtly trying to get ash on side ready for her coup

LMAO louise saying “who am i gonna annoy now?” bc dixie’s been suspended and dixie goes “everyone you come into contact with”

connie inviting zoe out for some wine and zoe going “what like a date?” sjskdkfkfk well they certainly have the tension for it

fletch and max organising for the kid and his family to watch doctor who in hdc🥺🥺🥺

connie getting zoe drunk on wine while she barely drinks any to get her sharing her worries and feelings and openly complaining about clinical lead stuff is actually evil genius level scheming like oh my god

on a related note i would LOVE to see connie and stevie go up against each other for clinical lead like zoe was no match for connie and neither was elle but stevie on the other hand… i feel like they’d probably just end up having hate sex tbh (i mean connie and elle nearly got there for sure)

[depresseddepot]

watching alien 3 for the first time

why doesn't she just explain to the doctor??? he seems okay if a little intense at times

i can't believe they just threw bishop away :( i heard his death gets retconned but tbh i don't actually know what that word means

the vibes of this movie are way different than the others lol the dark cement structures, the religion, the weird emphasis on ripley as a sexual figure

poor pubby :(

the doctor is the only normal and sane person on this fucking planet

RIPLEY WHY ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH A MAN ON A PLANET OF PRISONERS. YOU CANNOT BE THAT HORNY. WHY DID THEY TURN HER CHARACTER INTO THIS. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE VERY SUBTLE VIBES BETWEEN HER AND HICKS

DID SHE SLEEP WITH HIM??? girl. i am too asexual to understand this behavior. and i still don't understand why she won't tell him. also i assume he isn't an android if they fucked because otherwise i DEFINITELY would have heard about it

I'll admit, it is very refreshing to have a character taking these sorts of pathogen/mysterious deaths seriously. ripley has always been very clearly unsettled when she's talking about the xenomorphs and nobody ever seemed to take her seriously

JAGSHSJJAHA "listen to me you piece of shit" WITH THE CUT TO CLEMENS POLITELY DRINKING COFFEE W THE POSH "I'm sorry I don't think I understand"

I'm starting to get worried about what exactly clemens "did" lol, he's on a planet of rapists and I don't really want to spend the whole moving kicking my feet about a professional, polite british man who turns out to be a rapist

bishop :((((

there isn't ACTUAL sexual violence in this movie right. right?

OH LITERALLY SECONDS AFTER I FINISHED TYPING THAT THERE WAS ACTUAL SEXUAL VIOLENCE

"i gotta re-educate some of the brothers. we have to discuss some matters of the spirit" calmly says the man with a bloodied steel pipe

this is such a bizarre setting for an alien film lol. it isn't BAD i guess, like a shift from the norm isn't automatically bad, but it's very unexpected. like when I think of a high security WY prison planet I don't really think of concrete walls and religious fanatics. more like......hospital? with mostly synthetics as the staff

BISHOP!!!!!

"I'm just a glorified toaster" BISHOP I MISS YOU

"I'm home" "It's very dark here" interesting. So he reads the flight recorder unit sort of as if he can visualize it?

I'm excited to watch andrews die. what a bastard.

clemens you are starting to quickly become an obsession of mine. you cannot put a polite doctor with a british accent and a subtle layer of snark to everything he says and not expect me to jump him. you better not disappoint me.

oh he's even got TRAUMA

aaaand he's dead. okay I guess I should've expected that. that one feels MEAN though

sadly adds another fictional dead british man to my list of favorite characters

so i think i know a little more abt this than i thought. The xeno didn't kill her because she's got the parasite right?

the scenes of her running in the hallway are really cool tho

did I miss why aaron doesn't like being called 85? oh it literally answers that less than minutes later okay LMAO

wait DOES ripley have a parasite? she isn't really behaving like she does like why is she flexing her hands like that

so there's a specific queen parasite ? i sort of thought one BECAME the queen because how else would they cause an infestation

he wouldn't kill her 🙄

the cgi (if that's even what its called when the alien is basically photoshopped in) on the xeno is not good (it is very 2004 so I'm not sure if it's just a sign of the time) but the scenes from the xeno POV in the hallway as they're baiting it is pretty cool to watch

it...survived?? that feels inaccurate

IT EXPLODED???????? that also feels inaccurate

also very convenient that ripley's parasite has taken so long to gestate

BISHOP????????????????????????????

oh he's a human creep. okay. also who the hell designs an android that looks exactly like themselves. he definitely wanted to fuck that robot

also the way the subtitles call him "bishop 2" THATS RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER!!! HE AINT THE PRIME BISHOP

okay final thoughts: if this WASN'T an alien franchise film, ie it was a different universe w a different monster with different characters, it would have been pretty good. It had some cool cinematic moments but it was all negated by the fact that they completely discarded what happened in the second film and made ripley's character really odd. If it had been a random family in cyrosleep that was boarded somehow and then crashed, it would've been much more intriguing than making this an alien franchise film. I don't think it was horrible as a film but it was a horrible alien sequel to be sure.

Also given how dynamic a character Clemens was, I find it really fucking weird that he wasn't the last survivor. They did so much to set him up as an intriguing character and then they just killed him, meanwhile the last survivor was MORSE OF ALL PEOPLE. They could've had a sequel to the sequel with Clemens studying the xeno and they wasted it. I think this was all a bad dream ripley had and she and hicks and newt are going back to earth.

[dorefasolsido]

10.

***credits to the original creator***

Look out of the nearest window. What do you see? Details, please.

I see the sky and some clouds, a bunch of really tall trees from the nearby park, several apartment buildings on the other side of the park, kids playing on the playground, my building’s parking lot and the neighbours’ cars.

When you think of the word "posh", what springs to mind?

A really fancy British person sitting near a golf course and sipping tea as they laugh in rich. I know posh people aren’t always British, but it can’t be helped.

When you have chocolate, do you eat it room temperature?

Normally yes.

Or are you like me and stick the bar into the fridge first?

Not always, unless the chocolate’s melted already to a degree. Then I have to put it in the fridge for a bit.

What's the most shocking thing that's happened in your part of town?

Well, I don’t know about here, but in my hometown the most shocking thing recently was that a guy shot his ex-wife in the middle of the street at like 9 AM in the morning. That’s super unusual since my hometown is pretty small and uneventful.

Which brand are your headphones/earbuds?

Idk honestly, they’re just some random ones my sister got me.

Do you see planes fly over your house at all?

Oh yeah, I see and hear them a lot.

Are there any constellations you recognize just by looking at them?

My dad showed me a few so I think I would recognize some. That is, if I could see the stars here.

Which room of your house/apartment do you spend the most time in?

The living room.

Which insect do you find the most beautiful?

Butterflies are so pretty.

Did you have crafts/woodwork at school growing up?

Kinda, only we did woodwork only like once or twice, so it wasn’t a class solely dedicated to that.

If so, what was the best assignment you did for it?

I honestly can’t remember what we did, and I’m pretty sure we all made the same generic things.

Do you have a friend who likes to tell you everything?

Yup, a little too much sometimes.

What was the last thing you got very excited about?

Princess Mononoke viewing in an open-air cinema. A friend was supposed to go with me, and I haven’t seen her in a few months so I was looking forward to it. Unfortunately, she had to cancel, but I went anyway on my own. It was still pretty cool, but not as cool as it would’ve been if she’d come.

You can go to any city in any country you want. Which city do you go to?

Tokyo. Take me there right away pleaaaase T.T

Do you like gardening? If so, what do you grow?

I don’t, but I have a theory that most people start gardening the moment they turn 50 or so. That happened to my mum and to a bunch of her friends -- they all love gardening and share tips on it all the time. So, maybe my time will come in like 30ish years.

Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favourite?

Yeees, but I like puzzles in video games the most. Especially horror games with puzzles. Because then you’re stressed, but you also gotta think, so it’s exciting.

Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why?

I mean, most drugs? Buut one I would 100% stay away from always is heroin. No thanks.

What would you love to live next door to?

A lake, river, or some kind of water. Water just brings me peace.

What gives you nostalgia?

Music, cartoons, and TV shows I used to watch when I was a kid usually. Also, inexplicably, Spring Day by BTS, even though I heard it for the first time last year.

What's the best thing about fall?

The nature is probably at its prettiest in the fall.

What's the worst thing about fall?

Tbh, can’t think of anything in particular. Especially since we barely even have proper fall here anymore and it’s usually still sunny and warm.

Do you get cold easily? Or are you constantly hot?

Neither, actually.

When you think of a classy drink, what comes to mind first?

Some fancy whiskey.

Do you prefer eating out or cooking your own meals?

I don’t cook, so eating out.

Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn?

Okay, so clearly there’s no right answer here, but for me personally, French always seemed impossible to learn. It’s not that the grammar is very difficult or anything, it’s just that they shorten literally everything and it’s quite a task to understand wtf the French are saying. Like the language sounds really pretty, but... yeah, I’ll stick to my harsh German.

Is there a place that you might call your second home?

Sure.

How do you imagine your later life to look like?

Just me travelling around the world, working from various cool places... now that would be the dream.

What is a job you would never in a million years want to do?

Hmmmm, only sex work comes to mind. No hate to those who do, but I’d be waaaaaay out of my comfort zone.

Is there a piece of jewelry that you feel naked without?

My earrings.

Do you ever "go commando"?

Nope.

Do you ever try to make words out of number sequences you see?

Sometimes it happens, but it’s not something I actively try to do.

What's the sweetest thing someone's done for you?

Once when I was visiting my friends and relatives in Germany, one of the friends organized a surprise day of activities for my birthday. Each of them began with a little riddle that was supposed to give me a hint where we were going, and once we made it there, I’d receive a little wish for my birthday. We were unfortunately late for several activities so had to skip them, but nevertheless, it was a super cute thing to do and tbh, I probably don’t deserve that.

Which wild animals are a common sight in your area?

Crows.

What's the weirdest building in your city?

Not sure.

How do you keep in touch with friends usually?

Messaging apps, I meet with some fairly frequently.

Do you get a lot of visitors?

Nah, I live kinda far. Plus, I prefer to meet people in the city, there’s just more to do.

Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound?

Hmm, I think I can recognize our family car when it drives into the driveway.

Which Disney villain is your favourite?

I think most Disney villains are so cool, but maybe Scar if I had to choose?

On a regular day, what do you usually do at 3 o'clock in the afternoon?

Either work or eat.

What's something new you've just recently learned?

How to cut my bangs so they actually look decent.

Which possession would you not want to inherit from a relative?

Probably a business or something like that. That would just put pressure on me.

What is something you would never dare to do in public? 

Oh, lots of things. I don’t particularly like when people look at me (hello, social anxiety)

Would you/ did you have a hen night/bachelorette party?

I don’t plan on ever getting married, but if I did, maybe something small with close friends.

Has anyone taken you on holiday somewhere? If so, where?

Sure, my mum and dad have. We went to Greece, Turkey and several other countries with seasides.

Have you taken somebody on holiday? If so, where did you taken them?

If taking includes paying for their tickets and all, no.

Who do you see as an iconic star?

Maybe someone like Lady Gaga or so.

Have you ever been to a vineyard?

Yup.

Are there any swans near the area you live in?

Not very close, but yes.

Does anyone in your inner circle struggle with addiction? 

Does nicotine addiction count? If so, loads of people.

Has anyone told you lately that you have a nice smile?

I don’t think anyone’s ever told me that ;-;

How did you spend your last birthday?

First I went shopping for purple dye with mum and then got my hair dyed for the first time. It didn’t really show much on my very dark hair, but I was just happy and excited that I did it. Then in the evening, my parents and uncle and aunt went to a restaurant. It wasn’t really a big birthday, but I usually don’t do much or only celebrate with friends a few days/weeks later.

[silveredsound]

lunarrua replied to your post “i saw your post showing off about harry getting bbc playlist . you...”

‘Roo loose in the top paddock’. ‘chuck a tanty’ ������ You get endearingly extra Aussie when you’re annoyed! Love it! ��

Strewth Luna. That anon just about ruined my arvo. Hope those flaming galahs chuck a uey outta my inbox  and , um. well ....  just f off really tbh. 

[carrotpiss]

hate usin youtube on my phone as i am subjected to those google ads with the hmltd song in constantly and i want to die

[cookinguptales]

Okay, I’m gonna start with Freddie. Now... when the spoilers first dropped and I heard them without watching the episode, I was actually fully expecting to feel as bad for Freddie as I do for Marwa. But then I watched the episode and was like... you know, very few people would deserve what happened to Freddie here but I think he might be one of them. lmao

(Full disclosure before I start, I did go to a fairly prestigious school for many of the exact same subjects that Freddie seems to have studied. I also talk about Genji Monogatari and the Palatine Hill for fun. So I am in a very unique position to hate Freddie specifically because I went to school with so many douchebags just like him. But I will freely admit that I might be projecting.)

So, other than repeatedly just calling him “That ‘Elgin’ Marbles-Fucker” to my friends over the past week, what do I think about Freddie?

Hmm... I think Freddie’s character can actually be summed up very well by the list of activities he showed the screen. That crazy motherfucker wanted to go see The Met, The Whitney, and the Chelsea galleries in the same fucking day. That sounds like the action of an art lover until you realize that means that he’s not taking enough time to actually look at anything.

Freddie, I think, is the type to race through a gallery simply for the experience of it -- and not fully appreciate a single thing he saw there. The kind to have a conversation about an archaeological site without actually saying a damn thing. The kind to have a boyfriend without ever putting in the work to learn who he actually is.

I very strongly get the impression that Freddie grew up fairly rich and privileged and probably got a lot of things handed to him over the course of his life. He strikes me as narcissistic and self-involved while being very willing to let Guillermo shoulder a lot of the emotional load of their relationship alone, as well as being the kind of person that will flit from interest to interest without a lot of care for price or fallout because he’s always been able to.

I do think that some of this may be the writers just writing the most British character alive and some American writers just always associating British people with poshness but... yeah, there were a lot of markers for privilege in him, from his job to his attitude to the way he carries himself that I think are difficult to overlook.

The narcissism is pretty self-explanatory, tbh. Nandor used hypnosis to make both Freddies be cool with the fact that they were cloned, but he didn’t make them get along with each other. He certainly didn’t make Freddie 1 cheat on Guillermo with Freddie 2. So we’re already working with a character here who’d rather spend time with himself than any other person, is perfectly happy to have academic conversations where he just goes in circles with a person word-for-word agreeing with him (which would be literal hell for me, but I digress), and who doesn’t mind cheating on his partner at least once, arguably twice.

Freddie is oddly like Nandor, in a way... I don’t think that Freddie ever set out to hurt Guillermo in this episode. He just... didn’t think about how his actions would affect anyone but himself. Nandor treated Freddie like a shiny, but Freddie treated Guillermo like one, too. He moved on from Guillermo and cheated on him and really ignored his feelings for the whole episode because he didn’t think it would be a big deal. Freddie just approaches everything in his life with this surface-level interest that he never actually commits to. It’s a happiness without true satiation and a sort of bland niceness without kindness.

He just kind of... alights on things like a butterfly. He seems nice enough and people like him and he’s happy enough to be there, but he’s ultimately going to fly away because at heart, that butterfly does not give a fuck about you.

I’m also fascinated by the way that Freddie approached this whole trip. While it was ostensibly a trip to go visit his boyfriend, he really made it about what he wanted to do 90% of the time and it’s not even really made clear if he spent any intimate alone time with Guillermo whatsoever. (And I’m not even talking about sex -- I mean genuinely any quiet time where he actually got to enjoy Guillermo’s presence without distractions.) 

He was just as happy to do his list of NYC stuff with someone else, he was okay ditching Guillermo to hang out with other people (including himself), and he showed a remarkable lack of interest in Guillermo’s feelings, worries, or even his hobbies. Like... it really felt more like this was him gallivanting halfway across the world for a NYC vacation than it was ever actually about Guillermo. Which makes me so sad for him, tbh.

And I’ll get into this more in another essay but just... it didn’t seem like he was that invested in Guillermo. He never seemed that intimate with him, never really listened to what he was saying (hello, showing up at someone’s house without warning them??), and dropped him like he was nothing the second a new shiny showed up. It makes sense that he’d use Guillermo as an excuse to visit NYC, but why even carry on this relationship for all these months in the first place...?

My theory is that Guillermo was a very convenient person for Freddie to be around. He spends a lot of his time talking him up, he’s always learning about Freddie’s interests, and because he’s lying to him for the entirety of their relationship, he never really asks Freddie to do any emotional heavy lifting. So I do think that Freddie likes Guillermo. He has affection for him. But Freddie is also on a fundamental level okay with a surface-level relationship that flatters him while not actually asking anything of him. This relationship was always innately casual to him.

I think it says a lot that by far the most successful relationship Freddie has is with himself. Not only does this feed into his narcissistic tendencies, it is also the easiest possible relationship you could ever have. There are no arguments. You don’t have to learn about the other person. You don’t have to care about someone else’s feelings. You never have to do anything you don’t want to do. You can just have these boring, surface-level conversations where the two of you speak in circles without actually saying a damn thing.

Honestly, I just think that Freddie is one of those selfish douchebags who seems nice until you realize they’re not actually talking to you specifically. They’re just... talking. And saying vaguely nice things. This kind of person is not remotely dependable; they have all the trappings of niceness without actually caring about you. You are basically the same as talking about the weather to them. They’re happier if it’s a sunny day, but it’s not exactly a make or break situation for them either way.

Freddie never actually cared about Guillermo. He didn’t care about Nandor, either. He didn’t even really care about traveling the world studying art; he sure gave that up quickly enough and he wasn’t exactly studying the art in NYC to start with. He really just cared about himself and living an easy and unexamined life that allows him to go from interest to interest without actually demanding anything from him.

And some of that is probably that he was designed to be a plot device, but some of that is just... Freddie. That “Elgin” Marbles-Fucking Douchebag. lmao.

[turnerchic]

CHANGE YOUR MIND

alex turner x reader

Summary : Alex and you are set up on a first date (11-13 era Alex - imagine whichever era you want tbh)

words : 885

WARNINGS : sexual flirting hints? y/n's girlboss aura

Alex's Pov

"well can you atleast tell me where you're fucking taking me matthew" Alex sighed in the passenger seat of the car

"Al it's called a blind date you'll find out stop whining" Matthew chuckled

"yeah a blind date not a fucking blind taxi ride thi- ugh whatever" struggling to get his sentence out through frustration causing him to give up causing Matthew to laugh more

Y/N's Pov

you arrived and sat in the restaurant wondering if you were late or early since it took 40 minutes to get ready, you were wearing; a black mini dress, nude lipstick and your hair was unbrushed not knotty but bareable (in a messy french girl way)

you looked around fighting against the urge to pick at your nail polish Gosh you even painted your nails for this guy (red)

"hello ma"am are you waiting for someone?" a man called holding a clipboard with a list

"yeah actually, it's under..Turner" if he's cancelled i-

"right the tables over there number 5 a waiter will be with you, enjoy your evening!"

you smiled and walked over to the table, it was posh, pretty and everyone was dressed smart

so now all you have to do it wait.

Alex's Pov

Alex stepped out of the car checking his watch "oh god matthew i'm late i swear" he said while rushing into the building

he walked up to the man at the front "Hey i have a- its under Turner"

"yes table 5 over there, enjoy your evening sir" pointing to where you were already sat.

"she's already here" he thought you couldn't see your face just the back of your head, you were sat with your head in your palm. fuck

well, Alex rushed over slowing down when he got to the table

"hey im abit late im so sorry it were Matt-. Alex" holding out his hand for you.

Y/n's Pov

God. your head shot to the side but then God literally.

he held out his hand and you took it "Y/N" causing him to smile "pretty name" and you smiled

"and it's okay i only just came in"

"it were Matthew i dunno but that's good i thought i were really late" rubbing his forehead

"Matthew he told me about you"

"embarrass me?"

"no no just told me you were mates, long time and the basics"

"that's good then, you look beautiful by the way Y/n"

"thanks Turner"

"Turner? i like it darlin-"

"Hello may i please take your order if you both are ready" the waiter interrupted smiling

"oh yeah um...i'll just have the pasta with the side of soft bread" you said to the waiter

"i'll have same as her" Alex said and the waiter walked off

"so what do you do Y/n"

"Fashion, runway modelling that stuff"

"oh you model"

"is it surprising?" tilting your head

"oh no not like that you're pretty i don't know you seem like a café girl" he tried explaining

"a...café girl?" you said "is that an insult?"

"no no..oh it doesn't matter" he gave up chuckling

"i'm only kidding but what about you Alex, what do you do?"

"i'm in a band i'm sure Matthew should of mentioned it"

"no he didnt actually"

Alex's Pov:

She doesn't know i'm in Arctic Monkeys? he thought

but that's a good thing. she might be actually interested in me

"oh so you're not a fame hungry gold digger"

"famous? what are you big Alex"

"it's Arctic Monkeys, but no it's most of the past dates enjoyed the money and fame more than me"

"i'm not here to make your pockets hurt turner don't worry"

"i know love don't worry"

Y/N's pov

our food arrived and me and Alex ate most of our meals honestly it was quite bland

"i'm finished"

"same here do you wanna do dessert's?" he requested

"i'm on a diet Turner" you leaned forward

"you don't need a diet and they're small ive been here before" he leaned over the table too towards you "trust me babe"

"oh am i your now babe Turner?"

"oh hottest babe i've ever met" he winked

"i like to hear that" you smirked

"the compliments? you like how i tell you you're the most breathtaking woman i've ever seen" he said pushing some hair behind your ear "i mean everything you're great, talented..im sure you have many other talents too" he trailed his finger down your cheekbone to your jaw to your chin while he looked your body up and down

"i was a gymnast, still flexible, know all the moves..." you said turning the conversation in that direction

"ohh now you're bad" he laughed "you know i've had a great time with you y/n, and i know many other ways to show you a great time" he picked your hand up off the table, placing a kiss on the back of it

"now you're pushing it" you both laughed

you both got up paying the check and walking out of the fancy restaurant onto the quite busy streets of NYC

"hey if you want me to walk you home or owt i can or if you want to call you a taxi i'll pay i-"

"home?" you turned to him "the nights only just begun Turner" smirking looking back and starting to walk away asking him to follow after you

"we'll, lead the way then babe" and he followed you.

he'd follow you anywhere

Authors note - thank you for reading this isn't checked so im aware there is probably spelling/grammar errors.

requests open.

[wizisbored]

Whats new Wiz?

so i assume this is about the new Thought? if not, i am going to talk about it anyway.

first off before i say anything i want to establish here and now that although i am watching more of the beetlejuice cartoon and am beginning to incorporate elements from it into my aus my portrayal of beej himself is probably always going to be mostly musical-based. this is for the simple reason that i think if i tried to write toon juice my brain would melt.

anyway, i say that because this new idea is mostly cartoon-based, but i actually dont have much of an idea of beetlejuice's involvement. dont have much of an idea of anything tbh, this idea is pretty much just a bare-bones concept that came as an offshoot of a really weird dream i had last night that i could not describe if i tried. but regardless, here it is:

au where lydia goes to a boarding school - or at least, the school has boarding and day students, and lydia boards. modern setting but the school is a posh old private one (probably the furthest possible thing to my secondary school so there will be a lot of bullshitting). prudence and bertha are her roomates. i have no idea how american school ages work (as in, where the split between elementary/middle/high is) but the 3 of them are around the age lydia is in the musical and im kinda going off that timeline with my current ideas (as in, delia is a more recent addition). theyve been at the school for at least a year already, and at the end of the year before there was a system for the kids to write down preferences for who they board with next year. lydia, prudence and bertha have a spare bed in their dorm because nobody else put their names down. theyre the Weird Kids, and theyre... mostly okay with that?

anyway, thats the setup, now onto the incting incident: school's haunted. i dont know why this has only become apparent now, but there are ghosts. adam and barbara maitland, to be exact. im not sure how they came to die at the school, im thinking maybe they were teachers (off the top of my head id say barbara taught textiles and adam woodwork, though thats subject to change). lydia has found some evidence for this, and now shes leading her friends in a paranormal investigation. theyre snooping around, sneaking about after hours, all that good shit. and i think that they meddle too far in the supernatural, and somehow beetlejuice gets involved, and shit goes down. but thats really all i have so far.

[leesh]

because i have zero self control when it comes to christmas films and, well, cheesy christmas films are #life. 

basically, i have developed a collection of favourites over the years, including both classic christmas films that are fun for the whole family and terrible, dripping with all our favourite favourite cliches hallmark christmas films, and yet i am still always on the hunt for more. so, i thought i would try a little thing to share them with everyone else as well (and actually remember them for future reference)!

check out the tag here i will try and remember to use as i live blog some of these movies or head on down below the cut to see all of the christmas films i’ve watched in 2020. thoughts and star ratings included! as expected, i will also be updating this as i watch more and more this holiday season (follow along on twitter too if you want).

note: since i LOVE terrible hallmark films, some that i give a higher rating will not actually be......critically acclaimed. i am just #obsessed and have my reasons as stated, i’m sure.

holidate (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | someone on letterboxd compared this movie to when you watch a rom com in sims and it’s just a bunch of random scenes that make no sense and they’re absolutely right. its only saviour is an australian dude and the line “so you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, but you don’t know me well enough to get me a christmas present?”

my christmas inn (2018) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i’ll be honest, this film was pretty forgetful. i watched it over a month ago and don’t really remember what happened. however, i do remember being impressed that the leading lady wasn’t a stereotypical thin white woman. so i guess at least it has that going for it.

christmas made to order (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i actually thought this was pretty cute. it’s not the best, but also not the worst, so a decent medium if you need to fill up those figurative christmas stockings. the concept of hiring someone to decorate your entire house with no budget sounds pretty cool, but when the guy is aaron samuels and looks far from straight, it becomes a little questionable. 

last christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | now this is not a cheesy hallmark film. in fact, i LOVE this film a lot and think i saw it twice at the cinema. last christmas is a top tier christmas song and i remember theorising about it when the trailer first came out, but i will say tissues may be a requirement to watch this. AND henry golding is my husband thank u and goodbye.

operation christmas drop (2020) 

⭐️| first time watch | interesting concept in theory, but this is nothing more than US military propaganda and a cgi lizard. bonus: white saviourism. 

the knight before christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | a medieval knight transported into today’s world and has never seen a car before can drive better than me. that’s it. that’s the movie. also, he literally says the words “modern technology is lit af” at one point. solid christmas film if you ask me. 

the princess switch (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | i strongly believe in the vhcncu (vanessa hudgens christmas netflix cinematic universe). i also have so many questions, like how did they afford the flights or solid conversation or was it all expenses paid? how did they finish a bulk of the cake without a mixer? why does everyone always speak english with a posh english accent even though it’s a non-english european country?

the princess switch: switched again (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| if we learnt anything from a christmas prince, it’s that sequels are generally never better than their predecessor. that being said, this was much less cute body swapping christmas fluff and a little more literal kidnapping and saving the day. either way, blonde vanessa was hot and i appreciated the amber/richard cameo that insinuates a christmas prince is actually a dramatic documentary.

midnight at the magnolia (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| now if you’re after an absolute cheesefest that ticks the boxes on best friends meets fake dating over the holidays, then this is the movie for you! albeit it takes place between christmas and new year’s, it’s still filled with their families knowing they were soulmates the whole time and two people who are a literal too comfortable on the radio. also, the dad’s totally should’ve been gay. they had more chemistry.

christmas wonderland (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| tbh, i genuinely enjoyed this one. post breakup/high school sweethearts is a personal favourite trope of mine, so throw christmas & being forced to spend time together when she goes back home into the mix and i’ll have a serotonin explosion. bonus points for the guy telling the girl to go back to nyc to follow her dreams without being a dick. OH and the scene when he points a fuck load of sugar in his hot beverage.

a wish for christmas (2016) 

⭐️⭐️| who doesn’t love a good office romance between a boss and an employee at christmastime? especially when you throw in a little christmas magic that makes her more confident that results in her finally getting what she deserves and having to travel and rekindle with his family? also, fuck them rich white dudes, but props to her for the significant job promotion.

christmas with a prince (2018) 

⭐️| this was TERRIBLE and not in the good way. it featured: an entitled prince who suddenly had growth even though he did nothing to achieve it, majority of the film set in one hospital room, and the fact that she’s the only one with a tiara at the party filled with people who actually have titles. also, thought there was a decent ending but turns out there was still another 30 mins to go. ugh.

a royal christmas engagement (2020) 

⭐️| don’t be fooled by the title. the engagement doesn’t happen til the last two minutes. it’s actually about a prince (bet you didn’t see that one coming) who travels to america, pretending to be his best friend who works for this major marketing firm because he’s tired of being the spare. this gets one star purely for the line “she’s not a commoner, patrick. she’s an american.”

christmas wedding planning (2017)

⭐️⭐️| it looked like it would be half decent, and while it’s definitely better than the last two, it was still pretty eh. i could get on board with her texting her dead mother’s number as a way to talk to her still, and i understand we all experience grief differently, but.....actively paying your mums phone bill 3 years later? girl. also, the end made me SCREAM. WHY DID THEY DO THAT!!!!

santa girl (2019)

⭐️| this was just painful to watch. evil jack frost makes memes in his free time, santa has a fancy car and doesn’t eat sweets, and there’s an odd comparison between the elves, minimum age workers, and racism. however, one star purely for the entertaining (read: bloody awful) tooth fairy cgi that gave me a right laugh.

the christmas chronicles (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| this was really cute and had the makings of what could be a christmas movie staple along with the likes of elf and the santa clause (but will never reach that standard, obvs). tbh, it’s just a nice heartwarming family christmas movie about two siblings who band together to help santa and save christmas. also, santa was a #dilf.

the christmas chronicles: part two (2020)

⭐️⭐️| one of these days i would love to see a sequel that’s better, or at least on par, with its predecessor, but that day is not today. sadly, this film lacked all the heart and magic the first one was filled with and some scenes were pretty redundant. kurt russell and goldie hawn, however... one star for each of them.

forever christmas / mr. 365 (2019)

⭐️⭐️| the title varies depending where you’re from, but that’s probably the most exciting part of this movie. a guy celebrates christmas 365 days a year and a reality show wants to invade his house? ok, sure. one star for the eye candy and one star for, surprisingly enough, their chemistry and all the kissing scenes that don’t usually make the mark in the hallmark world. 

noelle (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| did i renew disney plus just so i could watch this (and a couple of others)? maybe so... this movie is so fun! and family friendly! and is actually funny! it gives me major elf vibes, but if elf was set in a more modern day setting. either way, i had a great time and have been holding out on this one after loving it a lot last year!

the nutcracker and the four realms (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| anything nutcracker related is an instant win in my book because it’s my favourite ballet of all time (except for graeme murphy’s version, we don’t talk about that). does this movie actually deserve the four stars? maybe not. am i going to give them anyway purely for my love of the nutcracker and the soundtrack? absolutely!

[scrambled-eggsed]

3, 13, 19, 23 for the writing asks 💟

3 - what makes you love writing?

Idk i think getting to create incredible, beautiful situations, and figure out how the people you made up (or characters from existing projects, for that matter) would go through them. I get that I'm literally just describing "writing" but yknow if I don't romanticize the whole thing, what else am i gonna do

13 - describe your writing style

Depends on my mood lmao. Sometimes i become extremely posh and i write pretentiously but genuinely write good things??? Mostly I'm working on Sounding Less Sarcastic. God how do you describe a writing style?? I cut bw tones pretty often which gives everything a weird (unique?) Feel,,,,,, uh also i like. Quiet scenes? Idkkkk this is theoretically a good question but i have no idea how to answer it

19 - do you plan out your projects? If yes to what level? How well do you stick to your plans?

Generally, most of my stories are about fantastical worlds and a bit of sci fi, so i start by building the world and then figuring out where i should place the characters to make a good story. After that (and that's where i start in "realistic" stories) i basically plan out the broad progression of the plot and decide on a bunch of events and scenes. And then after writing the things i planned i basically fill the gaps? So I'm pretty good at sticking to my plans cuz they intentionally leave lots of room for later ideas

23 - what do you engage with your projects which isn't actually writing? How much do they play a role in the development of your work?

I mostly just daydream about my stories tbh. I have made a playlist for one of them, which helps me come back to the main vibe of the story when i get a bit lost. I also planned a sort of ttrpg for a fantasy world i still dont exactly have a story for?? it helped me figure the core principals of that world so i have a few basic ideas for stories in it so that's fun

[bangtansfavwriter]

🌷taehyung having a crush on you🌷

(it had to be a gif w tannie ☺️💜)

-you're oblivious to the fact he's crushing on you bc he actually hides it pretty well (he wouldn't even blush or anything around you so it was actually pretty hard to figure it out, it was like a running gag between you and him that you'd make him blush one day, he was always like "you won't catch me blushing, ever" and you were like "we'll see about that posh spice")

-tbh when u guys first met, he was really reserved and took quite a while to open up to you

-he had this noir vibe when you first got to know him and he was quite the starer

- he was intimidating for sure, but the more you got to know him you saw that he's an absolute sweetheart

-now he's definitely brighter around you, smiles a lot and is more goofy

- will touch you a lot, he'll do it subtly though... you'll start to experience what a big effect a small touch can have

- makes time for you despite his busy schedule, hanging out with you is actually balancing for him and this is actually insanely fascinating for him, bc he tries to understand how it's possible that everything hectic in his life disappears as soon as he's together with you

-he's always dressed to the nines, even his casual attire is chicer than half of your wardrobe tbh

-very responsible, will help you get shit done and always has your back

-you once had trouble with your landlord bc this grumpy old fart really had the nerve to raise your rent when he didn't even bother fixing issues you've raised a complaint about

-taehyung listened to your rant while you were talking with a friend on the phone

-he asked some questions about your landlord after, it seemed pretty random to you and you didn't think about it much

-anyway, the issues in your flat were solved within 2 weeks and your landlord informed you that there will be no raise after all + he looked pretty nervous

- you asked him what made him change his mind and he just did the v pose

(you: , landlord: isn't this what youngsters do? hah..ha... *laughs nervously and leaves*, you: ???????)

-you told taehyung about the whole thing

you: i swear this man is on crack or something, he looks paranoid as hell lately

taehyung: yeah.... it must be .... the crack........ (😌)

-honestly he's your rock, he's forgetful sometimes but you still can always rely on him, no matter the weather

-sometimes taehyung can't express his thoughts properly but he can always count on you to understand what he wants to say.. he was quite baffled about that at first, but then you explained to him how the vibes of a person can sometimes say far more than words can express and that and that you would always understand his heart and, my dear, was the first time he wanted to kiss you

-he would ask you all sorts of questions bc he'd just love to hear you talk and learn about the way you think

- and he grew more and more comfortable around you, so his walls slowly crumbled around you with each joke you made and each secret you've shared with him

-and whenever he spoke about his dreams and future plans he included you like it was something completely natural and you could feel your heart race whenever he said something about this

-will take you the his favourite spots in the city and tell you his about his favourite memories he made there

-you guys would also go on long walks together, btw you meeting yeontan was one of the best days of his life tbh and this fluffy lil fella also loved you so much that tae was like "...are you kidding?" but he secretly loved it and filmed you with tannie very very often

-also, one time he left tannie in your care bc he was busy and he wasn't able to leave him with his parents on short notice... tae had spare keys to your flat anyway, so you just told him to come to yours whenever he was done

-and so he did and... he clutched his chest and was like "have mercy with my heart" because you and yeontan were cuddled together on your bed and fast asleep

-and tae stood there at your bedroom's door frame with the biggest smile on his face and tried so hard not to squeal bc this was one of the cutest things he'd ever seen, so he did what he had to do and took a picture of you two and then layed down next to you and fell asleep

-the next morning, you woke up to yeontan trampling over your chest and then hopping off the bed

-you closed your eyes again but you could still hear light snores next to you, so you turned around you were face to face with taehyung.... who's still so damn handsome that it's almost unfair bc you were pretty sure you probably drooled at some point... but he was still taking your breath away even with his slightly puffy face and messy hair

-you traced your fingers along his jawline and looked at him, thinking how lucky you must be... he snuck into your bed and now you were laying there, on a rainy morning.. like a couple that also happened to have the cutest dog

-you were caught by surprise when his eyes fluttered open and he looked at you, grinned and said "good morning' with his deep morning voice that made you all giddy... "I let myself in, I hope you don't mind..." and, sufficient to say, you did not, obviously. "tannie and you... looked pretty comfy, I wanted to join. oh, and would you mind continuing that?" he took your hand and put it to back to his face, but not without gently kissing the tip of your fingers. You smiled at him, cupped his cheek and caressed it. He slid his hands beneath your shirt and slowly pulled you closed to him, you hugged him and nestled your head against his chest. You were laying there with your legs intertwined and the only thing you heard was taehyung's rapid heart beat and the rain dribbling on your window, a moment which was the closest thing to bliss... a moment that was interrupted by his phone going off and yeontan appearing out off nowhere, jumping on the bed and running over you. taehyung groaned and grabbed his phone, as you giggled and took yeontan in your arms and cuddled him when taehyung had get up. you knew by his apologetic look that this was work and that your moment of bliss was now officially over.

-taehyung was equally upset about this, both didn't try to show the other but yeah, both of you loved the moment you shared and hated the fact that it was cut short bc bangtan had to do a re-recording

-taehyung left yeontan in your care again since you had the weekend off and promised to be back as soon as possible, to take continue where you left off. he was back at 1:28 am & drunk off his ass, turns out the boys insisted on going for drinks to celebrate that they were done with the songs and taehyung couldn't say no

-yeontan fell asleep after the 3rd walk you took him on and didn't even wake up when tae started making all that noise when he was back.

-tae's went straight for your bed and crashed there. His phone rang and you picked up after seeing it was namjoon, who got an earful from you bc you were pretty sure they didn't wanna deal with drunk tae and left him in your care, but namjoon sincerely explained to you that tae almost FOUGHT jin and yoongi when they wanted to take him to the dorms and that tae insisted on going to your place bc he had "important business" to do

you: tf is that supposed to mean?

nj: he said you need to talk things out or something. or tell you something? well, speaking is involved, idk and idc, im not too sober myself, so good night~

-maybe it was the sleep deprivation making you all mush-brained... but what if.... what if tae wanted to confess? after your cuddly morning it probably wouldn't be too far off to assume that, or would it?

-you laughed at yourself and went back to bed, where taehyung had hogged your duvet, so you got out another one and layed down.. taehyung tossed and turned, sighed and mumbled something

-drunk as he was, you didn't think much of it, apart from that, you were almost asleep, but he lifted himself from the bed and said your name

you: what is it, tae ?

him: I need to confess something

you: *suddenly wide awake* 👀👂

him: .... I.... I forgot to buy anchovies *falls back asleep*

you: KIM TAEHYUNG

him: ...huh?? what????

you: is that the important thing you had to tell me? the thing you told namjoon about??

-he turned around and looked at you with wide eyes, he, too was suddenly wide awake and from the look on his face you knew that this was in fact not about anchovies... "We'll talk tomorrow, when I'm sober again." ... you knew he was right, but curiosity has gotten the better of you. you agreed, but it took both of you quite a while to fall asleep again.

-you woke up the next morning, only to find the other half of your bed empty

-after throwing your pillow across the room, you got up, feeling a mixture of sadness, disappointment and anger

-he took yeontan with him too and didn't leave you a note nor a message explaining why he left

-you took a long shower, then got dressed and just as you were about to make breakfast... your front door opened and tae came in, with yeontan on a leash in one hand and a bag from your favourite bakery in the other

-you stared at him, completely bedazzled for a second but then glared at him, which took him by surprise. he smiled nervously... "what the hell, taehyung?" you said angrily, but deep down you were so damn relieved he was back. "We went for a walk and then I went to buy your favourites, since you always get up around this time" he said, while taking tannie's leash off, and smiled. "What did you think, hm?" - "well, I certainly didn't expect you to deal so well, looking at how you came in last night." - "oh you learn a thing or two when you're a performer" the two of you laughed and he knew he's off the hook. you started cutting fruits and he quickly joined you after he washed his hands. "so about that important thing from last night", he began and looked at you with a smile, as your cheeks blushed almost instantly, "I really wanted to make this right because this isn't something I want to do when I'm drunk. I think you understand that, right?". You tried very hard to hide go keep a straight face, but you couldn't hide your smile. Taehyung giggled. "Look at me..." he said with a husky tone that excited you even more. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow and smiled, as you knew what was coming and he smiled because you knew.

💕

epilogue

-you had noticed he put the pic of you and yeontan sleeping as his screensaver-

you: nice screensaver btw 👀

tae: *tries to keep his cool.. blushes v hard*

you: OH MY GOD

tae: STOP

[caitybug]

Hmm here’s a prompt,,,,,, Simon plays ice hockey, baz is a figure skater,,,, chaos ensues

Hi! Thanks so much for the idea, I hope that what I have done is alright for you. Per usual it’s kinda long (almost 1500 words) for a Tumblr post, but I hope that’s okay! I also kind of took it in a wonky direction... but I hope it makes you laugh.

(If anyone else wants to send something in please feel free to! I can’t promise to do every one of them, but I love ideas :). Also, the more ridiculous the better, tbh.)

Simon

I joined the hockey team this year.  

Not because I play, mind you. It’s the only way I could think of to get closer to him. 

Baz Pitch.

I used to work at the concessions stand, but I was let go after the nacho cheese incident.

(We don’t talk about the nacho cheese incident. I don’t, at least. Penny does constantly.)

Baz is a figure skater who goes to the posh school down the road. He has dark hair that, when he doesn’t pull it back, hangs loosely below his chin in soft waves. It’s the kind of hair I want to run my fingers through, it looks so soft. 

Baz has a sense of grace and poise on the rink I couldn’t imagine having even on normal ground.

Somehow he manages to make skating on ice seem easy.

I fall or get slammed into the glass at least five times each practice and I’m accumulating too many bruises. My parents are starting to wonder if I’ve joined a fight club. 

If the hockey team wasn’t so desperate for bodies on the rink, I don’t think I’d have managed to get on. I believe they saw me and thought ‘yeah, he’ll do.’

Baz

I don’t like figure skating. Not anymore, at least. It was great when I was a kid and everyone was stumbling around like idiots, but when I got older and people started to get good at the sport, well, I decided I wanted to quit. 

I would have quit after fifteen when my parents allowed me to if it weren’t for Simon Snow.

He used to work the concessions stand, but now he’s on the hockey team.

I’m not sure why that switch happened, but I heard something about an explosion of nacho cheese and a worker with burns. 

I’m not complaining, however, because he’s still here. I’d endure a thousand figure skating sessions to see his face. 

I try to spin in a circle, but I fall. 

My feet are covered in blisters, and I can’t actually do any of the tricks well. 

Snow always watches me while he’s waiting to get on the rink for hockey practice.

He probably thinks I’m a buffoon. 

We don’t go to the same school, so this is the only contact I have with him. The awkward half an hour where my practice is ending and his is beginning. 

My trainer sighs and dismisses me.

She probably wonders why I’m still here. I see the other people she trains and they are practically Olympic level good. I think Agatha is competing to qualify for next winter even. 

When I manage to grab hold of the rail and leave the rink, Snow is standing there, smiling at me. 

Suddenly my feet don’t hurt so bad.

“Hello,” I say, “how are you?”

“Alright, you know,” he points to the rink, “waiting for hockey practice to start.” 

He gulps, and it’s a show. I follow his Adam's apple with my eyes. 

I wonder if he’d like to be kissed there.

“How are you?” He asks, pulling my eyes back up to his face.

“I’m well, practicing my routine. We have a competition this Friday.” I respond, pulling my hair out from the bun it was in. 

His eyes watch as it falls around my face, exactly as I thought he would. 

“I bet you’ll kill it. You’re so good,” he says, eyes looking at my neck. 

I raise an eyebrow. Does he not see me skate out there?

I definitely fell at least three times. 

A whistle blows, and we say goodbye.

I watch from the side, I always do for a short while. I don’t live far so I can take my time, walk home. My parents think practice ends later than it actually does, so they never worry. 

Besides, I enjoy the show. 

Simon is a beast to watch on the rink. The way he juts his chin out, angrily challenges the other team, and slams bodies into the glass does things to me. 

I take a seat to take off my skates and watch the show. 

Simon

I’m trying my best to skate, but I swear I keep tripping over my feet. 

Baz is on the side, watching me play.

He probably thinks I’m an idiot.

Someone slams me into the glass, and I feel dizzy, but I keep going. I don’t want Baz to think I’m weak. My face feels wet even, probably from sweat. All these pads and gear make my skin boil. 

“Simon!” I hear the coach shout, I groan and skate to him. 

“Yes coach?” 

My head is really starting to hurt.

“Simon you need to get checked out, you’re bleeding.”

“What?” I ask, reaching a hand up.

Sure enough I have a cut on my jawline. 

“Go, now,” he points to the exit. “Hey you there!” He shouts. I see Baz perk up. “Can you help Simon get to Ebb?”

Ebb is the ‘nurse’ on duty. She’s not certified, and can’t do much, but she’ll be able to give me a bandage and tell me if I need to go home or the hospital. She’s nice and helpful, and with my constant onslaught of injuries we’ve created a good rapport. 

“Alright there, Snow?” Baz asks, looping an arm around me and helping me to the nurse.

He hasn’t done this before, touched me like this. We often avoid touching each other, even when I’d hand him a drink from concessions. Our interactions have been casual conversations and brief glances. 

I don’t need help walking, it’s my head that is hurt, but I’m not going to say no to him touching me like this. It feels like there are sparks going up my side, but in a good way. 

Baz

I have my arm looped around Snow, trying to help him to the nurse. It takes me a moment before I realize he’s only hurting on his head. He doesn’t need to be carried.

But he’s letting me hold him, so I’ll be damned if I move. He’s warm and close to me. I’d carry him to Timbuktu if it meant we could stay this close. 

Ebb helps clean him and puts gauze on the wound and tells him to lie down. She goes for ice in hopes to slow down the swelling. 

We sit for a moment in silence, awkwardly not making eye contact. 

“You okay, Snow?” I ask, finally. 

“‘S alright.” He mutters. “Might be out of practice for the day. Coach takes head injuries seriously, even when as minor as this. Besides they just redid the rink, they’ll want to wait for a game before getting blood on it.”

“You’re bleeding pretty badly, Snow. That’s not minor.”

He shrugs. 

“Don’t you need to go? I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than to sit here with me.”

“I’m just making sure you’re alright, is all. The nurse here is incompetent at best, so someone needs to keep an eye out.” It’s true, albeit I’m also staying for selfish reasons. 

He chuckles. 

“I’m sure you’re used to this kind of stuff, being a hockey player and all,” I state. 

“Yeah, a bit. Though I’m not much of a hockey player.” 

“What do you mean? I think you’re brilliant.” 

Simon looks at me like I’m insane.

“Baz, I constantly trip over my feet and can never manage to hit the puck. I’m horrid, let’s be honest. It’s you who is amazing on the rink.”

It’s my turn to frown and be confused. 

“Simon, I fell at least three times in practice today. Figure skating is not my future.”

He stares at me for a moment, then he smiles and starts to laugh. 

“What’s so funny?” I ask.

He is still cackling, making me join in. I’m not sure what’s so funny, but I’ll keep laughing as long as he does. 

When he finally comes up for air he answers my question.

“Baz, look, I am only on the hockey team for one reason. If I joined then I could be closer to you.” He’s looking up at me with wide eyes and a pink tinge to his cheeks. 

“You- what?” I ask, confused. 

“I really wanted to get to know you, Baz, and I couldn’t think of a better way.” He takes a deep breath, looking down at his fingers, and on the exhale continues quietly, “I really like you, Baz.” 

Simon

Baz isn’t speaking, he’s just staring at me. 

This was an awful idea.

“Well I guess I should-” I start, but he grabs me so I can’t move.

“Snow, the only reason I’m figure skating still is to be closer to you.” 

It’s my turn to be confused. 

“What? But you’re so-”

“Awful, Snow. I’m awful. I would have quit three years ago if I wasn’t afraid I’d never see you again.”

I stare up at him in complete disbelief. After all this time, Baz likes me back? 

“Wait, so you mean we both have been staying in sports we hate because we wanted to be closer to each other?” I ask.

We stare for a moment before breaking into laughter again. 

“Yeah, I guess we did,” Baz replies, taking a breath for air. 

“We are so stupid,” I say.

“Speak for yourself, Snow, I’m top of the class at school.”

I roll my eyes. He would be.

I reach up and pull his face down to mine, pausing for a moment to allow him to say no. In that pause, however, he closes the gap, pressing his lips to mine. 

I can’t wait to quit ice hockey. 

Baz

Thank God I can quit figure skating.

[space-helen]

Where Have You Been? - Chapter 4

Words: 2309

Pairing: Jack Thompson x Reader

A/N: Only 1 Part more after this! Thank you guys so much for keeping with this fic. I’m so glad so many of you are enjoying it.

Also I looked into wealthy neighbourhoods in New York in the 40s and I from what I can see on a 1940s New York city market analysis there was some pretty nice/wealthy neighbourhoods in Riverdale, Bronx. So maybe it happens there? But tbh I made it up.

PART 1 - CH1   CH2   CH3    CH4   CH5

PART 2 - CH6   CH7   CH8    CH9   CH10

PART 3 - CH11  CH12   CH13

___________________________

A week had passed since your first dinner date with Jack and you’d practically shared dinner with each other every night since, but not in a date setting. Everyone in the office had been pulling overtime to get the case moving faster and the both of you had been working closely together and most nights ended up eating dinner in Jack's office.

The two of you had grown close and the date you’d shared had practically been forgotten about, but the friendship you’d built was strong and true. You knew it was stupid to have fallen for the man in this short space of time but you felt this weird connection with him, as if you’d known him most of your life. You suspected he felt a similar way to you, after all why would he have asked you to dinner if he didn’t? 

But for now you were content with this friendship, you hadn’t had something like this in a very long time. Sure you had Peggy and a couple of people back home but nothing compared to this. 

The car pulled up outside Mr Martin’s house, you’d finally been able to get a warrant to search the property. Jack practically fell out of the car and rushed up towards the front door, you hurried alongside him with the warrant in hand, all of the other Agent’s you’d brought along to help search the property followed the pair of you.

“Mr Martin open up. We have a warrant.” he banged on the door and shouted.

You all heard the lock turning on the door and Jack was ready to push his way in when an older woman revealed herself on the other side. “How may I help?”

“We’re agents from the SSR. We have a warrant to search the property.”

“Could you come back in a couple of hours? I was just about to polish the floor.” Jack jammed his foot in the doorway to stop her from closing it.

You tried to reason with her, “Unfortunately we can’t leave but we shouldn’t take too long.” she looked down before stepping away from the door and Jack pushed his way in, all of the Agents filing in behind him and splitting off as he shouted orders around. 

“Is Mr Martin present?” you asked the woman and she kept quiet, her eyes staring at the floor. “Well give this to him when you see him.” you handed her a copy of the warrant.

You walked up to Jack’s side as he watched the Agents spread out “Chief?”

“Yeah” he turned to you, hands on his hips.

“I think Mr Martin might be in the house.” you subtly pointed at the woman who was unmoved by the door. “She wouldn’t deny that he is here or say if he’s out, she just kept quiet.”

“Alright ok we’ll keep an eye out. Wanna stick with me or go with Agent Sanchez?”

“As much as I love the guy I’d rather stick with you.” he nodded and the two of you started to explore the downstairs portion of the house.

You were searching the draws of a desk while Jack scoured the bookshelf, pulling books here and there, you came across a large notebook and pulled it out, flipping open the cover to find receipts for parts and meeting places. “Jack I’ve got something, look.” you flipped the notebook around for him to study while you continued to route through the draws, you soon realised the draw had a false bottom.

Reaching for a letter opener you pushed it down the edges of the panel and forced it up. Slipping your fingers under it you pulled it off to reveal a stash of money. “Woah.”

“What is it?” Jack practically lunged over the table to see. “Woah indeed.” you put your hand in and took out some of the stacks of cash. “There’s got to be at least two thousand dollars there.” he commented.

“I think maybe more than that.” you continued to rifle through the draw. “We can’t prove this is the stolen money though.”

Jack nodded “you’re right. He’s a pretty wealthy guy without the theft.” he contemplated for a second. “Put the panel back and leave it. Are we all done here?”

You slid the panel back on and gave it a bash to stay in place “Yeah all done.” you picked up the notebook and followed Jack into the garden.

The garden was large, the neighbourhood very posh, inhabitants clearly wealthy. The two of you split apart, Jack heading for a garage at the back and you stopped at a pond and looked into it, your reflection staring back. 

A rustle is what made you move your gaze from the water. Scoping the area you soon saw a man that matched Jonah Martin’s description hiding behind a statue. “Mr Martin we just want to talk.” you started to slowly walk towards the man and that’s when he started running. You called for Jack before you chased after the man.

Mr Martin had led you into the street where he continued to run, the only sounds you could hear were your shoes hitting the ground and your breath. You soon caught up with the man as he started to cross a bridge, grabbing the man's bicep he stopped in his tracks. You pointed your gun at him “Running makes you look guilty.”

“Maybe I am.” the man untwisted his arm from your grip and hit the gun out of your hand before smacking you across the face harshly, making you fall to the floor. The notebook you’d taken fell onto the ground. His face radiated pure anger as he pulled you up to your feet.

You struggled and hit the man back, attempting to get out of his grip. However, he threw a punch to your gut and backed you into the railings of the bridge forcing your upper torso over them, the water of the river vicious beneath you. “You little bitch, going through my stuff. Who gave you the authority.”

You held onto the railing to keep your balance and tried to stay as calm as you could “I work for the SSR, don’t make this worse.”

“Mr Martin let her go.” Jack’s voice was stern and close, his gun trained on the man.

Jonah looked between you and Jack, weighing up his options before throwing you to the ground and picking up the notebook and sprinting in the other direction. Jack hurried to your side and took a knee beside you “Are you alright?” he looked over you for any serious injuries.

“Don’t worry about me just go get him.” Jack nodded before putting your gun down on the floor next to you. Pushing himself up off the ground he disappeared after the man.

Clambering to your feet you grabbed your gun and followed after the men.

The chase had been unsuccessful, you’d soon lost the man and brought in lots of attention from the neighbourhood. As you walked back to Mr Martin’s home, privileged, wealthy people were all staring out of their windows at you. Some daring to come out of their houses and stare in the doorways.

It was natural for people to be curious but everyone seemed to be looking at the two of you with disapproval, as if you were in the wrong for chasing down the man. 

You took one last sweep of the property before returning to the SSR with all the other Agents. Everyone came together to share what they’d found and it was slowly organised into piles to be further investigated.

After Jack gave instructions you all split up and got to work. Picking up the box of devices found on the property you quickly delivered them to the lab to be analysed.

The sound of heels brought you out of your thoughts, they definitely weren’t yours. Looking up you caught a woman turning a corner and you rushed to follow them. “Peggy?”

The woman turned with a smile on her face “Y/N?” you opened your arms and gave the woman a crushing hug.

“You finally made it”

“We did. I was just looking for you actually. How’ve things been since we last spoke?”

The two of you navigated the halls of the SSR at a leisurely pace “Everything’s been good, had my first proper chase with someone today.”

Peggy smiled. “How are things with Jack? He was curious about your whereabouts before joining the SSR, did he ever ask you upfront?” 

“Yeah actually, before you called I’d told Jack about my past and since then he’s been very trusting. I didn’t want to bring it up when you called. We actually went to dinner that night.” Peggy stopped and put her hand out on your shoulder “Dinner with Chief Thompson? Have you hit your head or something?”

You laughed “Yeah we went to dinner once. He’s a good guy, he acts tough but I can see right through him. Anyway, how have you been?” you resumed walking

Peggy could see how much you admired the man in just the way you spoke about him. “I’ve been good. We closed the case and I’m ready for something easier and a vacation.”

“Didn’t you use all of your vacation days on the Isodyne case and waiting to transfer to the LA branch?” you joked as you headed into Jack’s office.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Thompson.” 

“Y/L/N good to see you.” Daniel stood up from his seat in front of Jack’s desk and gave you a hug.

“It’s good to see you too. Enjoying being back in New York?”

“It’s colder than I remember.” you laughed at his comment as he sat back down. Peggy closed the door and you both took a seat around the desk. 

Jack talked through the case and brought Peggy and Daniel up to speed. Going through all of the different elements and presenting all of the leads you had. By the time the briefing finished it was dark out, definitely time to go home.

“Since it’s our first night back here, how about we have dinner together. Have a proper catch up.” Daniel suggested. 

Jack sat back in his chair and pointed at Daniel “That my friend sounds like a brilliant idea.”

“Y/N you coming?” Sousa asked as Peggy grabbed their coats.

“Yeah why not.” standing you quickly left the office to grab your belongings from your desk. What you didn’t see was Jack’s smile when you agreed to go. 

As Jack slipped on his hat Peggy noticed the smile and leant in close to Daniel’s ear and whispered “He’s sweet on her for sure.” 

Daniel quickly glanced at the man and smiled. “He sure is.”

“And she likes him too.”

“Where’d you want to eat?” Jack interrupted moving to leave his office.

“How about L and L, decent food for a decent price and a nice atmosphere. Nothing fancy.” Peggy suggested as her and Daniel left the office. Jack closed the door behind them and locked it, slipping the key into his pocket.

“Whatever you want, as long as it’s close, I’m starving.” 

You and Peggy led the way, when you came to the diner, Daniel and Jack pushed in front of you to open the doors. Walking inside they picked a booth and both sat opposite one another. Peggy opted to sit on the side Jack was on and you slid in next to Daniel.

The table fell into laughs and natural chatter, just like any usual group of friends meeting up for the first time in a while. Food was delivered and the conversation kept flowing, Jack and Daniel reminiscing about working together and Peggy and yourself talked about life.

“I don’t think I could handle LA, I might come visit you guys but I think New York is where I belong.”

“Never say never Y/N”

You laughed and carried on the conversation but what you didn’t notice was Jack's head turning at the sound of your laugh, he looked at you and smiled at the sound. 

Daniel caught the man in the moment before awkwardly looking down at his plate and clearing his throat “So Y/N what was your first impression of Thompson?” 

You smiled at Jack before looking at Daniel “I thought he was ok. I didn’t appreciate being brushed to the side, but he did stop another Agent from shooting me as soon as I walked through the door.”

“Wait really? Unbelievable.” 

“Yeah he was reaching for his gun and everything.” Jack added. 

The whole table erupted in laughter and he gazed towards you, catching each other’s eyes, you smiled brighter and noticed his eyes sparkle. The moment was short lived as you tore your gaze away back to Peggy.

The four of you carried on with your meal as the diner got busier. “Is it hard to work with someone you’re dating?” you asked Peggy quietly. 

“Not really, it’s just like working with a close friend. Of course, there’s a little bit more on the line but I don’t find it any different to when I was working with you for example.” You nodded at her response, she studied you and could see longing in your eyes “You’ll find love again”

You looked over at Jack who was in a deep conversation with Daniel, his elbow propped on the table and his head in his hand as he nodded at what Daniel was saying.

“I think I already have. I’m just scared it was too fast.”

Peggy felt her heart fill with joy as she saw how you admired Jack. “You’ve had it tough but so did I and look what I found. Who cares if it’s been years or a week. If you know, you know. Trust me” 

Next Chapter

Tag List: (open)

Jack Thompson: @fandomsandxfiles @itsmissdahliahayward @vintagelavenderskies @britishcorporal @ravennaofasgard @spunky-89 @darkusangelus96 @marinettepotterandplagg @fandomsandxfiles-writes

 All Marvel: @marvelsangels

[yyxgin]

babe i have plenty of stories!! this is my fourth year as a waitress. this is my third waitressing gig.

the drink runner boy hasn’t needed to learn how to take food orders bc he’s on bar! a lot of the girls there now are going to uni in october and tbh three out of the six hired new starters are going to uni in october too. so basically the staff is gonna drop down sooner or later (some of them were actually leaving this week and last but the manager keeps putting them on thé rota? i think she’s pushing her luck tbh) so i guess he has a reason to learn so he’s ready when the staff drops down. ALSO. one of the ladies asked me where i was from and after i told her she goes ‘oh i thought i recognised you!’ and she told me the road she lived on and i told her i went to the highschool at the bottom of it and... god. she told me the drinks runner lives on the same road and i’m trying to figure out if i recognise him or not. bc i felt like i did right at the beginning and she set me off after telling me that but... man, idk.

my dog’s name is summer, she’s a labrador x springer spaniel. her mum was a fox lab (colour) so her springer spaniel freckles are this lovely goldeny brown colour. i say she’s ginger and my dad tells me off and pets her 😭 i took her off her lead today for the first time and she ate sumn 🤢 it’s too vulgar to tell you honestly.

i had a two hour break at work on monday so i went to the shops and bc where i work is kind of posh i felt like i had to buy something (also there’s two of the posh-er superstores so take that with a pinch of salt) so i bought a plant 🪴 lmao self control is out the window tbh.

and today i bought the dessert thingies the food runner lady let me try! they didn’t do a ‘selection’ multipack only multipacks of just one flavour (does that make sense?) so i got a pack of lychee, a pack of mango and a pack of strawberry (all the flavours they had) and am praying im on a lunch shift next week so i can give it to her when it’s not busy. or at least open them when it’s not busy and share (which is what i wanted to do today but i was planning to kill two birds with one stone and offer the drinks runner one too 😎 big brain. and the kitchen staff if they want some. i believe they’re thai dessert treats and it took me forever to find them (i ended up going to a warehouse for asian foods) but i’m happy i did).

we making moves out here! i’ve been added to the girls’ groupchat for work and i’m happy to be in 🥺 i feel like it would be weird to add all their snap’s straight away so i’m just kind of lingering... man i’m so nervous all the time 😭😭😭😭

anyway!! ask and you shall receive, my love. i’ll tell you any old story, there’s plenty stored away in my head.

im sure your boss is just waiting until you’re due in. in the nicest way possible, there’s not really a need to message you until your first day, i’d say. be sure to ask loads of questions when you’re there!! especially about your paycheck, how you receive it, how often you get paid, any detail you want to know, you must ask before it’s too late. i trust you do that anyway but still!! sorry if im droning, i just worry about people a lot.

it’s also midnight again, i’ve definitely forgotten some things to say but i shall sleep and get my beauty rest for tomorrow’s shift ❤️ ily2 bb

ooh i hope that boy learns how to do it quickly so he can stand in and do the things he has to :// also woRLD IS A SMALL PLACE OMG its so weird how close-by you all are😩 is your town small perhaps ??

omg summer is a legend😔✊ i was at the vet w my grandmas dog today and he was so scared i felt so bad for him🥺he almost jumped down from the table thank god my aunt was holding him. he is a village dog so everything abt the city scared him and getting him there by car was a very difficult journey sksksk

I SUPPORT YOUR NEWEST PLANT ADDITION❤ selfcare. my cactus bloomed flowers for the first time today and i got so excited omg

aah you sound so precious,,sharing food is the best way to get close to someone imo. also i appreciate the effort you put in to get those and i really want to try it now😭 AND DONT BE NERVOUS IM SURE THEY ALL LOVE U !!

i mean im sure she is just busy and will probably call me soon but,,i have never been relaxed in my life ever so i am just really anxious and nervous abt everything and its so new to me soo yeah💔 thanks for the advice !!! i know all abt the paychecks and stuff bc we talked abt it already in the job interview and i'll make sure to ask a lot of questions !! dont worry djsj everyone babies me bc i am pretty much a baby so i dont mind the advice and u looking after me lol <3

sleep well !! i hope u have an amazing day tomorrow 🤩🤍 ily

[the-busy-ghost]

TSP S02E06 Thoughts

Ok I’m late to the party today so I assume everyone has commented on most of this already and therefore I was just going to quickly sum up any other observations. But I’m only twenty minutes in and I already have SO MANY THOUGHTS

- Apparently Cardinal Wolsey is not allowed to speak to anyone now and if he does this is Suspicious. But since Katherine isn’t exactly talking to her daughter either, tbh Henry is actually quite fair to be all ‘Why would you care’.

- When Henry gets all bitchy towards Wolsey re: the chancellorship, both Wolsey and Katherine’s poker faces should be a reaction image. 

- Poor Mary at least she has Margaret Pole

- Ok I would love to go back in time and save all the historical infants from an early death if I could but I STILL don’t understand how the Duke of Ross is still alive. Poor kid should have left the scene six years earlier. AND STILL NO MARGARET DOUGLAS. While I’d like to be hopeful and assume that @glorianas hatesex idea is going to pan out, tbh with the way they’re developing Angus’ character I worry this will be another badly handled r*pe scene, IF they bother to add Margaret Douglas’ birth in at all.

- Smol James is Smol. I would die for all of the children in this show. Protect them at all costs.

- But anyway who tf is ‘Hal’ Stewart. I might be wrong (I haven’t read every source ever) but tbh ‘Hal’ is not a common abbreviation of Henry in Scotland- Harry (Harrie) is much more common as a form of Henry, and is indeed the nickname that Margaret’s third husband was commonly known by. Sadly, ‘Hal’ just makes me want to snigger and make ‘England and St George’ type speeches (though even in that line, tbh, it’s Harry not Hal). “Hal Stewart” sounds like he should have a handlebar moustache and say ‘jolly good’ and fly spitfires. Or like he’s the descendant of expat Scots living in Canada. 

- I would be a lot more surprised that Angus is sneaking in and out of places if you weren’t all literally living in a very open house which would be very difficult to defend, I mean what do you expect to happen if you have obvious enemies, very few attendants, and you park yourself in HOLYROOD PALACE

- Cut it off Meg

- Oh wait so YOU’RE not safe there and your own children aren’t safe there but you’re perfectly happy just leaving James IV’s kids there? I should say ‘kid’ singular but I think we’re past waiting for the TSP writers to use google and realise that all of James IV’s other children are over the age of eighteen by 1520. But if Margaret DID have custody of them (which seems unlikely) she’s just dumped a young girl (maybe nine years old? We don’t know but that’s my guess) in a palace with her apparently shitty ex-husband and buggered off up to Edinburgh. Agnes Stewart come pick up your daughter please, don’t leave her here, or at least send your niece back to do it since she already knows the way

- Why are they even including so many offhand remarks bout James IV’s kids so much at all if they plainly don’t know anything about them? Is this ever going to be relevant to the plot? Or did they just want to have them in the first episode to show how ‘hard done by’ Margaret is but then realised they couldn’t just ditch them without losing the audience’s sympathy for her.

- Margaret getting the conveniently placed big old book on marriage law down from the shelf (every household should have one)- but really Meg, you must have seen enough shady divorces in 16th century Scotland to know the name of a good lawyer who could do this for you

- Once again though, does Angus have NO kinsmen or retainers any more? Or was he just cutting about the Canongate on his day off from Being Evil and thought ‘I’ll go check in on the wife then shall I, she’ll have Drink which is also now something I am to be associated with’

- I am LOVING the blatantly Georgian architecture at the gates to a very disappointing Field of the Cloth of Gold. Really TSP should have just gone full Reign and embraced its inaccuracies to make a fun teen show with a load of ridiculous modern dresses, would have been more bearable than this

- I would like to address however, the fact that this show has been going on about how terrible it is for princesses to be married off to older men all season, but what are we now supposed to root for four-year-old Mary to be betrothed to the much older HRE, rather than the dauphin who is MUCH closer in age? Can the writers make their minds up? Who are we supposed to think is in the right?

- Wee Mary’s face when Katherine spoke to her for the first time- that’s probably the first time the kid has ever heard the fancy queen lady actually talk to her though, so I’m not surprised but genuinely it was quite funny.

- Someone save this child please.

- IS THAT CHARLES V- WHY IS CHARLES V HERE?? GOD IT IS JUST UNINVITED GUESTS GALORE THIS EPISODE

- Also I may be wrong but I’m pretty sure he can’t just ride across France to get to the English Pale with only a couple of attendants and w/o a safe conduct or any other notification that he’s coming? This is just Margaret Tudor riding unattended through the Borders all over again.

- Gotta love Katherine just producing him out of nowhere though, the writers really do not care about the holes they dig themselves into but the implication that Katherine can just summon emperors whenever she likes is fantastic (does she keep him in a box??)

- Katherine about the horse- “He’s trained to kill a man with a single kick”. Don’t even hesitate Guerrero, you have four legs and there’s apparently three sixteenth century kings in the area, go to town

- Charles V just buggering off again, fading into the background like he was just Katherine’s own personal imperial amazon delivery man

- Have they decided to have the Evil May Day in 1520? Why?

- *Henry and Francis approach* *Theme from the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly plays*

- FUCK WOLSEY’S DAVID ATTENBOROUGH NARRATION REALLY MADE ME LAUGH, CHRIST I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING

“What a magnificent sight, two kings meeting for the first time, this rare species, almost never seen in daylight, both approach the watering hole...”

TBH I think their coordinated bow should also have had some narration Wolsey, if you really want Attenborough’s job after him. But it’s even funnier because they both genuinely looked so awkward stepping slowly towards each other, I just can’t

- Henry’s been buying his crowns from the same Burger King Autumn Range as Chris Pine in Outlaw King I see

- FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT PLEASE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER I GENUINELY THINK THAT WOULD BE FUNNY I HAVE SEEN POSH BOYS FIGHTING THEY’RE TERRIBLE BUT IT’S REALLY FUNNY

- Pfft Wolsey’s evident panic is funny but I would like to copyright Stafford’s little eyebrow twitch where he’s obviously thinking ‘Let me hold your coat Henry’

- Katherine of Aragon following at a slower pace while Claude gives her a sideways glance is also mildly amusing, like KOA could not look less bothered. I know the wrestling was historically accurate but honestly Henry and Francis being all aggressive like they’re actually willing to kill each other when I bet they just get outside and hug weirdly is probably going to be hilarious.

- Once again Maggie, please take that child and RUN

- I was right, it IS funny.  Please Wolsey we need more Attenborough narration for this fight.

- Everyone standing around occasionally clapping awkwardly and looking vaguely unimpressed is like what would have happened in Bridget Jones if Hugh Grant and Colin Firth’s fight scene wasn’t soundtracked.

- Yeah so the wrestling was accurate but tbh I’m not sure that Henry staggering out of the ring looking like James II right before a stabbing is. In my experience if a ginger monarch in tights is wearing that expression you run, no matter who you are.