#I am actually hoping we get a good mix of results

[spectrum-color]

Important content

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Getting hot under the collar and in the kitchen and on the pool table and...

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Aug 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 3-4 of 12 - one of the things I'm enjoying about this show is the fact that the introverted super shy uke is having hot fantasies, and the extroverted seme is having the sweet fantasies. It's another way this show is highlighting God being the world's greenest flagged seme BL has ever produced. (And he's being given stiff competition this year - trend alert.)

Anygay: God is so cute and so not cool and so in love and all the consent asking word salad coming out of this boy. I LOVE him. 

Diew: It’s ep 4 so I’ve decided we can talk face-to-face.  God: So how many children do you want? 

The teaching him to play basketball bit, where God politely asks to hold his hand, is so freaking adorable I can’t.

I'm thinking of calling this show the anti-Mame pill.

Blue pill? Red pill? GREEN pill!

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - We gotta talk. I do like this version, but it’s starting to feel lackluster. Perhaps it always was by comparison to the bright sparkle uniqueness of the original. Perhaps I didn't notice because I was distracted by G4. But now I gotta say it's become a bit disappointing and even my love for G4 can’t seem to bind me to this. Frankly, this show is making me want to watch either the Japanese version, or My School President. It’s never a good sign when a currently airing BL makes me want to stop that and go rewatch an old one I’ve already seen.

NO SINGING.

Meanwhile, the "locked on the rooftop" trope! I haven’t seen that one in years. Cool. Also cute kisses. They learning. 

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 8 - I can’t believe this is ending next week. But also I can. And I have thoughts.

I really love SailubPon. They might be one of my favorite newer pairs on the scene right now. But I just don’t believe in these characters or this couple. I don’t feel like they are going to have a lasting relationship. It feels like they’re just using each other for sex and distraction, and that’s how the script to set it up, and as a result they’re never gonna make it as a couple. As soon as the sexual fire between them burns out, what do they have to build a relationship on? Frankly? That would be fine if this were a modern love drama, and not a BL. But this IS a BL.

Putting the health code violators aside, I really do believe in the secondary pair, but they haven’t been given enough bandwidth to develop as a couple. There’s no way they’re going to adequately resolve Methas and JJ in the final episode.

At this juncture, I’m mostly finding this show annoying. Which in itself is annoying, because I wanted to love it.

Why is it that Thailand, the land of the best food in the world, king of BLs, struggles so hard to produce the restaurant set BL of my dreams? I’m really pissed about this.

That said, the Methas & JJ stuff is killer. Loved JJ running away. So good. Plus the age old decision - love or money? 

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 2-3 of 12 - The issue was me and I've managed to get hold of this show again. The story within the story is so ridiculously badly written I'm going spare. I’m not sure if the outside show is not ALSO badly written. That said, I do love how the 3 writer friends are all shipping our leads. It’s VERY silly. Meanwhile, cohabitation trope is a go. 

I like the side couple too. Stern Daddy + lost puppy is a very cute dynamic, I hope we get more than just crumbs. I actually am enjoying this show now. Ep 3 kinda derailed into this weird chimera novel that they’re all writing together and I’m finding that bit the least interesting, but I adore the domestic components which I think may turn out to be TutorYim's strength (if they're allowed to lean into it). 

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - Man I hope this gets some kind of distribution at some point. It was a pain to find and watch. But I enjoyed it. The focus is more on the seme in Thailand’s version. Which I don’t mind since that's rare in BL, and it’s more August on my screen. It’s all round softer than China’s version but still feels very familiar. I know some fans are struggling with it, but not me.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - I like that Sam’s crafty business espionage has paid off. Them teasing Sam & Yo really had me belly laughing. It was so funny.

Legitimate question. Would one put perfume on one’s cheeks in Thailand, as one does on wrist or sternum? Because of the sniff cheek thing? Scented face powders?

I do feel like with MosBank & SailubPon scorching up our screens, we’re being spoiled by some of Thailand‘s best high heat pairs at the moment.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 12 - It remains kind of sweet and cute. It's also calm and slow moving. Oddly it reminds me of La Cuisine in its style and execution (if not content). I’m enjoying it more than I thought I would.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 7 of 12 - I don’t know. I’m getting bored.

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 10fin - Fort’s acting during the break-up was truly great. But I feel for Rak. It’s rough to learn that someone else is playing a long game with feelings while you were playing a short game with d**k.

Ultimately this is probably a solid 8/10 show but I’m mad I wasn’t madder at it, and I'm mad I was so bored throughout. So it gets a 7/10 and let us not speak of this again. I’d like to simply forget about it. Trash watch.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 1-2 of 10 - OMG a uni student who looks young and a... COP! GAH. The subversion and kink of it all. I had to go grey to get it and I hate everything about what I had to do. But ya know what? Fucking worth every single repeated crash-causing advertisement.

I love it. The grumpy lonely little student cook and the cheerful mature police officer. What a fabulous dynamic. Is the cook looking for a boyfriend or a Daddy, and do we care if it has the same result? It is filmed VERY manga style camp. I’m a little nervous about that, but this means it’s also very fluffy and so damn sweet. It made me squeak with the cute. I’m gutted this didn’t get distribution.

Ironic that Tawada Hideya is in a new BL while Sunspot is re-airing.

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 3-4 of 8 - Ah, the gays are doubting the bisexual again. How familiar. I like how this one is paced and moving through time, even if the relationship seems to be going comparatively slowly by contrast. I love the way Sahashi is always looking at Natsume, even when they’re in conversation with someone else. Ah yearning. I think the conflict was kind of inevitable, given the two personalities of the protagonists, and I like that. (No manufactured angst here.) But I still hope they can repair the breach and I’m still interested. Frankly this is so classically Japan - I don’t know what story beats it’s following and I’m not entirely sure where it’s going, but I kinda like that unpredictability. Makes me think it could go into "must you, Japan?" territory but fingers crossed.

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - I'm enjoying it very much. I could do without the girl character. I know she’s more interesting than most (this is Japan after all), but she’s not really for me. It’s the complexity of the connection between the leads (and why they like each other) that’s being executed so brilliantly in this show (and in the manga, FYI). Both actors are so on point with their roles and the nuanced emotions required of these characters that every time it’s only them interacting I'm riveted. I could do without the rest of the cast tho.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 1 of 8 - I have a confession to make, I’ve been watching this whole series as it goes along. But this is the pair I absolutely like the most. I’m not sure I would necessarily recommend any of the installments, and I’m not sure how this one is going to go, but I’m VERY invested in this particular couple. They are so pretty!!!! This is a true friends-to-lovers struggle. I like that a lot. (Reminds me of I Cannot Reach You but a different dynamic.) Did I mention how pretty they are? And we already know they gonna kiss well. I bet the uncut version is stellar.

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - It's no one's funeral, turns out! Reports are in - not only are there kisses but it ends happily with wedding plans. So I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging. I'm enjoying it. Ya'll know I adored Chinese BL before censorship. It has a certain unhinged quality I very much apreciate (and is the reason I'm so tolerant of the Thai pulps) that I think will marry well with Wuxia's effervescent and ever-present tropes. Watch me suffer here.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - About a singer with stage fright and his timid fan starring Charles (H4 the puppy one) and Michael Chang (the youngster in My Tooth Your Love), plus side couple featuring a Thai actor Jame (Koh in Gen Y) and Liu Min Ting (of Guardian fame). What a damn team. With their powers combined they are...

fine.

This is a fine BL. The fight scene was fun and I like the meet cute. I’m not sure about the chemistry of the leads, but I think they’ll probably do okay. I admit I’m struggling a bit with a singing and the music. Are you surprised? I think I like it enough, but I’m not wowed.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Oh! Out of the blue attack kiss. What IS this show? I don’t get it at all. Bah. I guess they’re dating now. It’s… so odd...

It's airing but...

4 Minutes (Thai Netflix/Grey) - A rich boy at uni suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future. I have a source, but I've decided to hold off and binge if it ends okay, since it's only 8 eps. I depend upon y'all to tell me if it's safe.

8/16 The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) ? eps - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Again delayed? Not sure what's going on with this one but the continued push-backs do not bode well.

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then).

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming This Month!

8/22 The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) 12 eps - announced in 2023 this one has a high school set stepbrothers trope and is reputed to be high heat. From Taiwan! It's made for me. Based on a novel Mou Mou from the Your Name Engraved Herein folks, so it could go dark. Still, I'm very excited.

8/22 The Paradise of Thorns (Thai movie) theater release - Jeff Satur is back but this does not look like a BL (the gay lover's death is the inciting event). More in Goodbye Mother vein. Looks dark and dramatic. He opposite and extremely well known actor Toey Pongsakorn who has never done gay before.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

WHY IS HE SO FINE?

I truly belly laughed. Sam & Yo did not go in the direction I expected, but this scene alone made me not mind that they curtailed the suffering Sam was rightfully due. (SunsetXVibes)

Tall boyfriend armpit, anyone? (Monster Next Door)

The two extremes of BL in one show (Long Beans indeed).

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[uzurimisery]

this time. / shoei baro x reader

Very rare BLLK piece from me

w.c: 0.8k

Written for the @pixelcafe-network Friday Challenge #5

It’s strangely easy to pack your bags. It should be harder you reckon- you can still remember moving into his apartment. Putting your stuff away, tucking in pieces of yourself into pieces of him. The mixing of yours and his becoming ours.

A sort of languid sadness has been settled in your bones for the past three days but has contorted, and hardened into anger. Or maybe it has sucked up any other emotion you might have felt towards him, chewed it up, and left you void of feeling. Apathy. That’s what you’re feeling. 

The sweaters take up the most room so you pull them out and put them into one of those vacuum bags to shrink them down. Some things are too big in the compress cubes, so vacuum bags. Stuff them full, zip them up, suck the air out, and hope you haven’t shoved too much down that it doesn’t burst at the seams. 

That’s the point you were at. Too much shoving things down, down, down, that they melted under pressure and now you felt like a volcano about to burst when you first saw the lipstick on the collar of his shirt. It erupted out of you in a screaming match with him that resulted in him leaving the apartment, telling you to “cool off.” 

But again it’s no longer anger, that burned out after the first night. Now it was just apathy. 

Apathy to how easy it was for him to continually lie to you. Apathy to how he always promised change. Apathy to how you’d take one step forward and five steps back with him. Apathy to how everyone looked at you with pity. Apathy for how much you’ve struggled to try and change yourself to better fit his tastes again.

Apathy. 

Apathy. 

Apathy. 

You supposed it’s better this way, stops the cutting edge of the knife of failure from stabbing too deeply. 

“You actually leaving?” Shoei has just come into the apartment, still wearing his coat with a dozen roses bunched up in his arm. His version of an apology you suppose. You don’t even like roses. 

“Yes. I am.” 

He leans against the door frame and scratches the back of his neck with his free hand. “That’s what you said last time.” 

“This time I mean it.”

“Sure you do.” It's careless, light, dismissive, the same way he’s always brushes it off. It's impressive how he always does that. It’s depressing that he treats you like this. 

You slam the suitcase shut. “I do.”

Shoei comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. Surprising, just how much has changed in the past six months. You never thought that him touching you would make you feel disgusted when it used to feel like home. “Let me make it up to you.” He punctuates each word with a kiss on your neck and it makes you squirm. 

How many other women has he kissed the same way?

“Don’t touch me.”  You slide out of his arms and yank the suitcase from the bed. 

“C’mon, doll, why are you acting like this? Let me make it up to you.” He scoffs as you shrug him off again. The mask slips just a bit and you can see his complete disregard, how he really isn’t sorry for what he’s done. “Jesus okay I’m sorry, it was an honest mistake. I was drunk and she looked like you. Tell me what I need to do to make it up to you?”

“No Sho, there’s not making it up to me. I’m done this time. For real.” It sounds like it doesn’t come from your body.  Like it’s an outside source talking. So final. 

“You said that last time. And the time before that.” There's anger brewing in him with the sharp draw of his brown and how his voice picks up in volume, how it gets sharper. “Reality is you’ll come back here crawling, crying, telling me you’re sorry, I’ll forgive you, and then we fuck and were good for a couple of months. Why don’t we just skip the drama, get to fucking, and then go to breakfast? I’ll even buy you those new earrings you’ve been eyeing.”

You don’t move but your shoulders tense. How many times have you done this dance with him to where he thinks it's okay to talk to you like this now? Where is your self-respect? But he’s not wrong. Every time you did come back on your knees and beg for him to love you again.

“Hate me all you want. You know I’m right.” He’s behind you again, wrapping his arms around you and kissing your head like he always has. 

“No,” You pull forward, unlock the door and open it. “Not this time.”

It slams shut behind you.

©️ uzuzrimisery

[thesophistiicate]

im not trying to act all high and mighty, im just genuinely confused by this... i truly dont understand girls who allow themselves to be put in degrading situations the same as the last anon? surely its glaringly obvious that man just wanted a body to use? i know i sound so mean but im genuinely actually confused whenever i hear or read girls talking about experiences like that i find it very hard to understand what would make them give the most undeserving men access to their bodies and souls like that... i can kind of understand if you sleep with a man for the first time and he treats you badly after but what i dont understand is going back again and again and expecting a different result. at that point maybe youre a little to blame as well? why would you even sleep with someone who youre not even in a relationship with? im just very lost i thought by now we all know better than to give just anyone our time. i see this even in my girl friends, theyre all so beautiful and intelligent yet they date terrible men that shouldnt even be allowed to breathe the same air as them and when they inevitably cheat or hurt them they genuinely get heartbroken and then they start to tell me about things the man has said to them and show me their text conversations and in my head im like "hes telling you right there in that message that he doesnt care about you..? what did you expect..?" sometimes it feels like girls get into situationships and relationships just to get themselves hurt on purpose because, and this is gonna sound so mean but i dont know how else to word this, but theres no way people can genuinely be this blind and stupid. i just find it so hard to feel sympathy for girls who numerously get shown and told theyre only being used for sex and still stick around for a different outcome. is that what love supposed to be? am i the one with the twisted understanding of love? am i missing something? i hope im not coming off as heartless or conceited, im genuinely confused i just dont know how to express or word it well

i'm happy to hold space for expressing thoughts imperfectly or even harshly, so long as we are willing to find understanding and not stay stuck in judgement 🤍 i would say the challenge for you here is learning to stay out of judgement (it is all right to acknowledge that's not how you would act, but attaching value statements and labels like 'stupid' don't help you be kind and don't help anyone else thrive either), and leaning into empathy (finding understanding when someone acts in a way you wouldn't, rather than judgement and frustration).

i say this as someone who used to be really judgemental, not to tell you off, but because it's so good for the soul to learn this growth. judgement and labels are easy, it's far more difficult to build the emotional intelligence to hold space for nuance and complexity, to extend compassion and nurture even when somebody is making imperfect decisions.

i think that you're someone with a really good level of self worth and self respect who cares about others too. that's so amazing! the best thing you can do is continue to hold your standards and lead by example. you aren't the one who has it wrong at all. healthy, respectful relationships aren't like this! keep your standards high, show your friends examples of high standards. as much as it will feel like they aren't listening, sometimes a simple, fairly neutrally toned: "wow, you deserve better" or "geez, i wouldn't put up with that" or "that's not normal" will linger and have more long-term impact than you realise.

i know it's easy to look in from the outside and say, can't you see it?! he just sucks!! or to look at the end of a crazy story and be like, girl, there was SO many red flags wtf!! (lol me at my past self!) but when you're in the middle of it, it's actually really hard. these people are master manipulators and they know how to keep their victims hooked. love bombing, mixed signals, disrespectful treatment to lower self worth... it's a wild ride inside the storm, you simply cannot see clearly because they are committed to obscuring the view.

at the core women get themselves into these situations because of low self worth. it's why i talk about it ALL THE TIME, it's SO CRUCIAL. when you don't value yourself, you put up with being disrespected. the more you are disrespected, the lower your self worth drops and the more bad treatment you accept. it's a toxic cycle. it's the exact same dynamics as in any abusive or domestic violence scenario (even if the relationships aren't abusive and he's just casually disrespectful - that is the beginning of abuse), and it's pretty well researched why women stay, how they get in those situations, why they find it difficult to leave, why the cycle keeps repeating with new partners. i'd highly recommend researching it if you want to understand it better. every woman should be educated on this topic.

you are right to some extent: if you want to get out of the cycle you do have to take responsibility for your own behaviour. you have to ask why you're accepting being treated that way. what led you there. why you are obsessing over their behaviours but not questioning your own.

but to confront all this is very difficult and painful and often related to trauma and neglect. yet another reason why so many can't escape the cycle, to face all of that can be more painful than putting up with a shitty guy who just wants sex without commitment... the crap treatment is easier to face, until it isn't.

it is a form of self-harm, a kind of self-destruction as a way a broken mind and spirit tries to cope with trauma. to end the relationship would be to limp out and finally confront how broken you are. when you stay in it you can stay delulu. it's a form of escape.

of course, to a healthy person it doesn't make sense. why would anyone ever willingly hurt themselves? and yet, it's a psychologically observable phenomenon and unfortunately the solution and path to healing is far more complex than just not doing that or getting into those situations. if only!!

but the way out DOES involve making a decision that you deserve better. which is why we need to keep talking about these things, bringing them to light, being compassionate, creating safe spaces for women in these relationships to talk about what they're experiencing without judgement, shame, being called stupid or asking for it etc 🤍

i could speak for a long time on this, but i'll leave it there for now... it's all right to not understand it. i actually think that's a good thing in a way, it means you're in a good place. but certainly if you really want to understand it, the research is there!

[mothguillotine]

Hey Siri, Can Vampires Get Cucked?

"So it didn't go as well as I had hoped it would," you tell the camera thinking about the fact that Oscar ran away from you a week ago, "I was really hoping that I would be able to get Oscar to understand but now I'm realizing that it's possible that hypnosis was probably a better option and that knocking him out and kidnapping him was aggressive."

"The one good thing about the whole situation is that Nandor has finally started to warm up to me," you say, "he has actually spoken to me everyday. Actually I wouldn't say warming up to me is the correct term. I honestly have no idea what changed after Oscar left the other day." When you finish up your interview with the crew you return to your bedroom to do some reading.

Down stairs though Nadja is sat in front of the camera. She looks exasperated and when she speaks its present in her voice as well.

"I have been trying to get Nandor to grow some balls and ask her out but I have yet to have any success," she tells the camera, "I have watched Nandor follow her around for the last two weeks like a lost little puppy. I am sick of it."

"So I have devised a plan to get him to admit that he wants her," she says deviously, "Both of them have yet to truly talk and this will fix that. Of course Laszlo has a different approach."

"My idea is to shove them both in a room until something is either sucked, fucked, or cucked." Laszlo says as he sits down next to his wife.

"Cucked?" Nadja asks, "Why would this end up in cuck?"

"I mean you never know what could happen in there." Laszlo says looking suggestively into the camera while Nadja makes a face behind him.

"Well, we decided to mix our ideas together," Nadja says, moving the conversation forward, "We will lock them in a room together until Nandor confesses."

"Yes, and if it results in someone getting sucked, fucked, or cuck-" Laszlo starts to say until Nadja cuts him off.

"Laszlo!" Nadja yells at her husband, "This is about Nandor and his feelings. Not about you."

"Yes, I'm sorry my love," Laszlo apologizes to her but when they go to leave he turns back to the camera when Nadja is out of earshot and says, "If it results in anything sexual I will be a most willing participant."

_________________________________________

A little while later while you are reading you hear your name being called by Nadja.

"Nadja?" you call out.

"In here!" she yells. When you find her she is in Nandor's bedroom.

"Hey, what's up?" you ask her, " and why are we in Nandor's room?"

"One second sweetie," she says to you, "I will be right back."

You sit down on the chair in front of Nandor's coffin and for about ten minutes you wait until you hear someone in the hall outside the door. The door is quickly opened and Nandor is shoved in. As fast as the door opens its closed the next second and when Nandor rushes to open the door it doesn't budge.

"Laszlo!" he yells, "Open this door right now!"

When he doesn't get a response he starts yelling for Guillermo. You can hear nothing through the door though.

"Nandor?" you ask, "What's going on?"

Nandor turns around to look at you and immediately starts banging on the door again yelling for Laszlo to let him out.

"Just get it over with then I will let you out!" Laszlo yells through the door.

Nandor knew exactly what he was talking about. A few days ago Nandor had confided in Laszlo about how he found you beautiful and how badly he wanted you. In all honesty it reminded Laszlo of himself falling in love with Nadja. That's why he had forced this confrontation.

You on the other hand had no idea about what any of this meant. While you definitely didn't mind being trapped in Nandor's room with him you were confused. A few days ago Nadja had confronted you about what you felt towards Nandor and in all honesty since he started talking to you, you have developed a bit of a crush on him.

Nadja had pressed and pressed until you had admitted it to her and you made her swear not to tell anyone, which, to your knowledge she had kept. What you and Nandor don't know is that they had been conspiring to get their friends together.

"So, uh what was that all about?" you ask Nandor.

"You know Laszlo, he is my best friend but he is not the smartest." he says and laughs awkwardly.

"Nandor, what did he mean to get it over with?" you ask, you are honestly a bit worried that Nadja had told Laszlo and in turn he had told Nandor that you like him.

"Nothing," Nandor says, "He meant absolutely nothing."

"Nandor, whatever it is you can tell me." you tell him, Nandor turns from the door and faces you.

"I- its nothing." he tells you.

"Well it's obviously something or else we wouldn't be locked in here." you tell him.

"It's nothing," Nandor insists, "stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?" you ask him.

"Looking at me like that," he says frustratedly, "I can't deal with it."

"Okay, I am very lost." you tell him, "How am I looking at you?"

"You- nevermind," Nandor says, returning to banging on the door.

"Nandor!" you yell at him and when he doesn't turn to face you, you march forward and turn him around to face you, "Tell me."

You both stand still, this is the closest to him you've been since the first time you met. He looks down at you and a split second later he is kissing you. It surprises you for a second but once you get into it you are kissing him back, the kiss is sweet and short. When you both finally break apart you can't help but smile.

"Is that it?" you ask him.

"What?" Nandor asks, still a bit out of it.

"You just wanted to kiss me?" you ask, "That's it?"

"Well I wouldn't say I just wanted to kiss you but yes." Nandor says looking down at you.

"Do you wanna do it again?" you ask him and before you know it you are kissing again, this time though more passionately than before. His hands find your waist and you bring one of your hands up to his face. You both break away for a moment then resume your activities. One of Nandor's hands is making their way up the back of your shirt.

"Do you wanna-" You start to ask Nandor.

"Yes," He tells you.

"You don't even know what I was going to say?" you tell him smiling.

"Whatever it is. I want to do it." he tells you.

"Really?" you ask him, "Just like that?"

"Just like what?" he asks you confused.

"Nevermind, I was just gonna ask if-" You start to say but are interrupted by Laszlo.

"Nadja is starting to get what the humans refer to as 'hangry'," Laszlo says through the door, "We must leave now or she will become violent."

"Okay, Laszlo we will be right there." Nandor says, "I shall talk with you later, my sunshine."

_________________________________________

You are currently sitting down in front of the camera and honestly you have no idea what to say. Oscar hasn't returned any of your texts or calls and the whole situation with Nandor you still haven't talked about with him yet.

"The last week has been pretty crazy," you finally started, "I mean I don't even honestly know where to start but I'm starting to get the hang of the vampire thing. I hypnotized for the first time yesterday night, some security guard stumbled across us while we fed."

After you and Nandor had been freed from his room you had both been unable to speak with each other about what happened. As soon as you had left Nadja stole you to make sure you looked fabulous for your first official hunt. For the last two weeks Guillermo had brought you humans to feed on and now you were actually going to attempt to get one for yourself.

"We decided to go out by the bars and get any drunks who we stumbled upon," you tell the camera, "I wasn't told though that if you drink the blood of someone who is intoxicated that you also feel the effects. When I was still alive I was notorious at being a lightweight. Unfortunately, that carried over to my vampire life. If I was still able to be bruised my legs would definitely be covered in them."

You could honestly barely remember the night prior after you had all drank two humans. The security guard had happened early enough where you could remember it but a lot is missing.

Nadja and Laszlo had yet to leave their room and you haven't seen Nandor either. You were anxious that you may have come on too strong but you also knew that he did feel the same way. So it just honestly confused you. When you are dismissed by the crew you head to your bedroom.

Down the hall Nandor had tried on most of his clothes and still had not found the perfect outfit. Guillermo had been helping him try on and rate different outfits but after Nandor had tried on the same shirt and 3 slightly different pairs of pants he resigned himself to waiting till his master was ready.

"I honestly have no idea what is going on with him." Guillermo whispers into the camera.

"Ta-Da!" Nador says and Guillermo turns to look at him, "What do you think?"

"Wonderful Master," Guillermo says as Nandor spins to give him a 360° of the outfit, Guillermo turns to face the camera again and with a straight face says, "that is the very first outfit he tried on."

_________________________________________

You, apparently in your drunkness, had repeatedly texted Oscar apologizing over and over. It definitely wasn't the most embarrassing thing you have ever done while intoxicated, but it is definitely up there. For a while you lay on your bed staring up at the ceiling until you hear a knock at your door.

Nandor is standing there when you open the door with a bouquet of flowers. If you weren't confused before you are definitely confused now.

"What is this for?" you ask him and take the flowers from his hands.

"Well I read that bringing flowers to a potential mate is a good gift so I made Guillermo get you some," he tells you, "I hope you like them."

"Oh, Nandor, this is very sweet," you tell him, "Thank you."

"Oh it's nothing," he tells you, "I hope you like them."

"You asked me that already." you tell him smiling.

"Oh, well, bye." Nandor says quickly and leaves. You watch him walk down the hall and look back at the crew, confused, who is filming from the other way.

_________________________________________

"I have put a plan into motion," Nandor says to the camera, "mostly to get Laszlo off my back about my 'feelings' but I believe I have finally found the vampire I want to spend my life with."

You have been getting gifts from Nandor everyday for the past two weeks. At first it started off with simple gifts that anyone could find at a store but then it became more outrageous.

Three days ago he presented you with a gorgeous necklace and the next day he gave you a pair of earrings. Both days you had told him that you didn't need gifts from him but he had insisted.

In all honesty it was uncomfortable to accept the gifts he gave you, mostly because you had no way of getting him anything of the same standard. You loved that he apparently wanted to buy you presents but at some point it had to stop.

Today, as you expected, was no different. Except this time he brought you a bigger box than you had ever gotten before. It was about the same size as a small trunk and when you opened it you found a gorgeous dress, not too dissimilar from one of Nadjas.

"What is this?" you ask him while picking up the dress gently.

"I bought you a dress," he tells you, "I had Guillermo set it all up. He made sure the dress was the right size."

"Nandor, I don't know what to say," you tell him, "Thank you but I don't think I can expect this."

"Why not?" he asks you, "Do you not like the color?"

"No it's gorgeous but I-," you stop and think, "Nandor I really love all the gifts but you can't keep spending money on me."

"Why not?" Nandor asks and he looks kind of offended.

"Because you can't keep spending money on me." you tell him, "Honestly I really do love the gifts but you don't have to do that to impress me."

"I just like giving you things," he says, "seeing you happy makes me happy."

"If you want me to be happy then why don't we spend more time together?" you ask him.

"What would we do?" Nador asks you.

"Whatever we want. We could watch a movie or we could go read or something else. I don't know, whatever you want to do." you tell him.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks and you smile.

"If you want to," you tell him and he goes for it.

His hands find your face right away and you sink even deeper into the kiss. Your hand finds its way into his hair. When you both pull away you realize that you are still standing in your doorway.

"Do you want to come in?" you ask him.

"Yes." Nandor says simply.

When you drag him in the room you slam the door in the faces of the camera crew. As soon as he's in your room you resume kissing again.

This time though it's different, you both know what's coming. His hands start at your waist but slowly make their way up and under your shirt.

"Do you want me to take it off?" you ask him and instead of answering you he just rips it off. As soon as your bra is on full display he gets distracted by kissing your newly accessible skin.

"Nandor?" you ask him, "Do you want me?"

"More than anything, my sunshine." he answers you and the way he looks at you makes you want to melt.

You return to kissing each other and he picks you up to bring you over to your bed. When he sets you down you realize how much more clothing he is wearing compared to you.

"You are wearing too many clothes," you tell him and watch as he takes off the intricate top. When he is done you pull him down on the bed and kiss him again. Nandor goes straight to your bra hooks and takes it off. He pulls away to pay attention to your breasts.

"You are beautiful," he tells you and then kisses down your neck and chest til he gets to your tits. He pushes you down against your bed and starts sucking on your nipple.

"You are really good at this," you tell him and when he switches to the other side, "fuck."

"I have been a vampire since long before this country was found," he tells you.

"So what you are saying is that you have been around the block?" you tease him.

"The block?" he asks you, "I have flown around it."

"It means- you know what nevermind," you tell him, "more important things at hand than this."

You grab the back of his head and bring him down to kiss you. One of his hands starts playing with the hem of your pants while the other cups your left tit. You get the hint and lift yourself up to take off your pants, but before you can move to get them off Nandor does. He takes not just your jeans off but your underwear as well.

Then he dives in and licks along your folds. The shock of him on you has you pulling away until he wraps his arms around your legs and pulls you impossibly closer. Your hands find his hair and you wrap your fingers in it and when you look down at Nandor he starts to suck on your clit.

"fuck," you moan, "don't stop."

Nandor looks at you with his eyes and removes one of his arms from your legs. You suddenly feel two of Nandor's fingers pressing into you. You throw your head back against the bed and moan loudly. When he speeds up his actions you know it's only a matter of time until you come.

"fuck, Nan-nandor, I'm gonna-," you tell him until you feel a third finger inside you and you know it's over.

A wave of spasms run over you and you feel yourself grow wetter than before. Nandor continues to ravish you through your orgasm which makes it really hard to stop a second one from building.

"Nandor," you beg, "fuck me please."

He removes himself from you for a second and says "One more." then he continues to work you towards your second orgasm. This one comes quicker than the one before but it is just as intense. Nandor removes his fingers from you and lips them clean.

When he kisses you you can taste yourself on his tongue. You start trying to pull off his pants and when he stands up off the bed to do so you are greeted with his erect dick.

Around the house you had of course heard all about how he had a massive penis but it still surprised you to know that he was even bigger than you thought. You move to lick the pre-cum of the tip but when you do he moves away.

"Later," he tells you, "I want to fuck you first." He drags your hips to the edge of your bed and looks at you.

You nod and pull him in to kiss you. When your lips meet he starts into you. While he pushes into you the reason he wanted to have you ready becomes obvious, he is massive. Once he is fully seated inside of you he waits a moment. When he pulls away from your lips and starts moving. Slowly.

For a bit you appreciate that he is trying to make sure that you are comfortable but you want him to move.

"Nandor, faster," you tell him, "please."

"Whatever you want my sunshine." he tells you and starts to move faster than before.

You can't help but let out a moan especially when he starts to go even faster. When let out an especially loud one he groans. You start to feel an orgasm approach when Nandors fingers find your clit. He continues to pound into you and move his fingers over the sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Nandor!" you yell when you hit your breaking point and dig your nails into his biceps.

Nandors thirsts become more and more sloppy and you know he is close. You can feel yourself pulsing around him and soon enough he spills into you. When he is done he collapses atop you.

You both lay like this for a minute until you feel Nandor go to move out of you. When he does you feel the mess gather between your legs. He goes to grab a tissue from your nightstand and cleans you up.

After he throws it away he picks you up and moves you to lay on the bed properly. It surprises you for a second but let him do it. He moves to the other side of the bed and joins you in laying down.

His arm snakes around you and pulls you closer to him. You melt into him and feel yourself start to drift off.

<Previous Part/Next Part>

Masterlist

[lilly-chou-chou]

Skincare And Lifestyle Tips To Nourish Your Soul :-

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚���₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘⋆˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘⋆˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘

Hello, everyone!! I back at it again with brand new post! This time the topic we're going to dive into is skincare. Now I am a woman who has been doing skincare since she was practically 10 so it's been many many decades and what not, mind you I wasn't one of those sephora kids who are stupid enough to use retional at the age of 10 💀 my skincare back then consisted of just cleanser, toner, sum protecting lip balm and sunscreen.

Today I would like to give general skincare advice that is applicable for ALL skin types. Mind you if you have serious issues then do go to dermatologist because the tips I am giving today is to how to have better skin and very general stuff. Hope you guys like it!! <3 💕

Pre-Advice:-

Always know your skin type. This makes things way easier than people actually realize.

Don't always follow the trend because not everyone has similar skin and I doesn't matter ift hey claim to cure you so called problamatic spefic areas always ready the ingredients, be sure about it, consult with your doctor and then use it.

Patience patience patience. I cannot stress this enough, skincare takes time it may take 1 week or even whole 1 year to heal or to see the results. Don't go blaming products if you skip skincare or aren't using it properly. If you are getting rashes you aren't using correct products. If you have sensitive skin I highly suggest you to carefully select your products because anything can give you rashes or irritate your skin. Be careful and take care.

Step 1

Always make sure you know your skin, make sure you are 100% sure with what you want to tackle. The very first step of skincare and general wellbeing is knowing what you want to achieve, for example the sole reason I do skincare is to protect my skin and to make sure my body deserves better. There are many types of skincare routines, you are free to pick one and be dedicated to that.

My skincare consists ONLY of Korean and Japanese products, few of my favorite brands are suwalhsoo, innisfree, hadalabo and such. Skincare is an investment and I hate to say it but splurging on little expensive products REALLY DO make the difference and they do bring a lot of change. If you don't have the budget then I suggest buying trusted drugstore brands (I am kind of unfamiliar with them 😅) and stick to home remedies instead.

I am Asian and we are known to have thousands of home remedies that actually work. Some remedies that I use on daily basis are cucumber and rice water. For this you need to slice cucumber and soak them in rice water for 3-4hrs and put each slice on your face and let it sit for 20-25 mins and don't throw the starch rice water, you can use that in your hair after you shampoo and conditioner put that water in your scalp and massage it keep it for 10mins or so and wash it off for healthy hair, if you have black hair it looks so lustrous and shiny!!

Other remedy is using loose "wet" green tea leaves and mixing it with pure honey, now for this you need to use organic honey for best results. You can't just go and buy honey from grocery store, simply yuck! I suggest you go to organic market and splurge some on organic real honey. Mix those leaves and honey and put the paste on your lips and keep it for 10mins Or so and wash it off, you will get so nice, plumpy and soft lips.

If you don't wanna do all this work then you can simply use a really good lip balm, I used to use various types but in the end I realized that the lip balm they make for babies are the best because they are mild, made with baby safe ingredients so it's best for sensitive skin and it actually works. If you feel like you're too "grown up" to use baby lip balm then I highly suggest any dior lip balm, sure they are expensive but my lips have NEVER FELT SO PRETTY after using dior. Often times with luxury brands these makeup or skincare is either hit or miss but with dior oh! They ate!! It's so good!! You can also simply use innisfree green tea lip balm too, works wonders. Honestly just plain Vaseline also works wonders but choice is yours.

Step 2

Body! This is definitely a sensitive topic but fret not, it's not what you think. By this I mean what goes inside your body also plays a huge role in your skin and body, we need a balanced life by that I mean yea sure healthy greens and well balanced protein options are good but once in a while it's not bad to eat fast food, I absolutely hate how tiktok people say "chemicals" and refuse to use it like boo, everything is chemicals 💀 the only difference is good and bad chemicals. From toothpastes to even the gastric acid that is present inside our body is all chemicals, when will people learn this?

Few steps to have a nourished body are follows:-

Always drink probiotic drinks after you've had a heavy food at the END of the day. My favorite probiotic drink is yakult, it is best to drink at the end of the day because when you are at rest the good bacteria has great chance of working even more prominently.

This one goes out to all the people who can't live without spicy food. Yes, it's time to put down jalapeno, king chili, thai green chili, especially chili powders from India and give your stomach a rest for at least a day. This is a devastating news but I've had a lot of Indian friends who moved to white dominated country and their skin actually improved because food there is super bland and I'm talking full on painful pimples, acne and even healed stomach issues like ulcers, ALL GONE because of bland white people food 😭💀Yes, so you can definitely eat spicy food but don't overdo it in the name of "must have spicy food or I refuse to eat anything"

Please hydrate yourself, and I am sick of hearing "but water tastes bland, can I mix some juice powder?" Umm no?? If you hate the taste of water drink infused water. Some of my favorite infused water "recipes" are cucumber and lemon, blueberries, strawberry. But tbvh you MUST drink water as it is, even if you feel like it's bland, it's for your own good.

Step 3

Gossip, gossip, gossip. It might seem surprising but gossip does play a huge role in lifestyle. It is a factual thing that your skin and body reacts based on how you've been feeling and how you choose to surround yourself. It is true that bad person do have huge affect on your wellbeing...Especially skin, yes you heard that correctly, bad person do affect skin because when you interact with toxic people their ruin your mood, when your mood is ruined you are often faced with so called "negative" feelings like anger, stress and even anxiety. These things bubble up and have negative side affect on your skin and thus make you not only break out but also cause hair loss, headaches and even chronic fatigues.

People underestimate this so much it's crazy! You must remove all the toxic members in your life. If it's family member and you feel obligated then your next best option is to keep a distance or fight back. You deserve the best and surrounding yourself with genuinely nice people will be so wholesome and nourishing for not only your mental health but skin as well.

Toxic people DO ruin your skin and make you break out like hives! Even if it's a relationship, do find the strength to break up with your toxic partners.

So for now I have only done this much I hope you guys enjoyed this mini post. I had come back from this long hiatus yesterday and it took such a long time to do everything, and when I checked the suggestion post a lot of comments were deleted so I could only pull out this many skincare advices, so sorry for super late post and super long hiatus. See y'all in my next post!! 😭🙇🏻‍♀️🙏🏼

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘⋆˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘⋆˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡🪐༘

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

AN: Little post for Regulus's birthday that in my headcanon is today. 25th of June, Cancer child, obviously.

This one is a little sad but sometimes I need to write angsty things about Regulus to deal with my personal pain because I kin him so much.

Content warning of verbal and physical abuse plus mentions of self harm.

*****

Regulus had always been invisible on his birthday. It wasn't that people actually forgot. It was just not a big deal like Sirius’s birthdays for example. Sirius had always been the king. Even if he was the rebel. Even if he fought constantly with their parents. Even if he represented everything that the family didn't. Sirius Black was the heir. Therefore his birthdays were special. Regulus's were not.

It always mixed with the end of term exams as well. This year, Regulus had gone through his GCSE's with stress but hopefully successful results that would come out on August. Being a Black, Regulus had lots of expectations on him to get full marks. Like Sirius surprisingly did for his.

Regulus didn't have a party or a cake until summer officially began.

Regulus's sixteenth birthday was stained by Sirius's rebellious behavior. It was the summer before his eighteenth birthday, before he became an adult and he had to start behaving like the heir everyone expected of him.

So Regulus's birthday party became an excuse to invite "important people" over so they could meet Sirius. A business meeting with old people that Regulus didn't even know. Regulus didn't have friends besides Barty, he didn't expect much people of his age. But still.

Their Grandfather Pollux was dragging Sirius around to introduce him to coworkers, shakeholders and businessmen. Orion and Walburga were acting like proud parents. Everyone was pretending. Regulus was practically a ghost.

"It's okay" Regulus sighed as Sirius commented furiously how it wasn't fair, when he could escape from Pollux into the kitchen for some forbidden drinks "I hate my birthdays anyway"

"Grandfather is a dick. Heard his lung is failing, hope he passes soon"

"Sirius!" Regulus gasped but he hid a smile. Honestly it sounded cruel. But that man had been horrible to them their whole lives.

"I don't think I am ready for this, Reggie" Sirius added, looking around with disdain. The group of people chatting formally. Like a meeting in an office. Not like a teenager's birthday.

"I knew I had to be the heir one day. But that seemed far away when we were kids... Now I only have one year left at Hogwarts, and then my life is supposed to be this... Boring meetings, pretending to be perfect, talking nonsense about superficialities..."

Regulus was relieved he was not the heir. He had a plan with Barty to run away as soon as they finished school. Actually, they didn't even matter for their families. But Regulus didn't think about the burden Sirius actually had right now.

"There's no option" Regulus murmured as he had a sip of his drink.

"What if there is?" Sirius asked "What if I ran away with Uncle Alphard to Rome or whatever"

"He just left to make some businesses. He will be back"

"Are you sure about that?" Sirius’s eyes glistened revealing how much he missed Alphard "I think he got tired of this family and ran away"

Regulus panicked. He knew his brother well. And he was capable of going after Alphard. Maybe, if it wasn't for Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew, he would have already be gone. And Regulus didn't want to lose him. He didn't know what would happen if Pollux would lose his heir. But it wouldn't be good. Plus, Sirius was the only person that kept Regulus sane.

"If you leave, and Grandfather has a heart attack for your absence, this hell hole would be chaos. I don't want to be there when it happens"

Sirius twisted his mouth in a half smile "Good thing I'm bringing you with me when I leave"

"When? I thought it was a matter of if..."

"When, Reggie. When" Sirius winked.

They ended up their conversation as Sirius was summoned by their mother again. Sirius groaned openly as Walburga fixed his suit and tie.

"You look like low class lawyer, Sirius. I don't understand how people believe you can be a good heir. But hell, here we are"

"They say I take my gracious looks from you, mother"

Walburga answered by tying his tie tight. A little bit more and Sirius could choke.

"Now get over there and behave like a human being"

"Care to pay attention to your son on his birthday?"

Walburga flickered her eyes towards Regulus for a second. But fixed her penetrating gaze on Sirius.

"His birthday was days ago"

"But we are supposed to be celebrating today!"

Regulus could feel the tension building up between them. He didn't want to witness a fight. Those were horrible. And they were worse when they involved Orion.

Walburga just pursed her lips.

"Just go back in there before I lose my patience"

Sirius’s eyes were daring. He didn't move for a few seconds. Seconds in which Regulus thought he was going to lose it and do something dumb.

"Luckily we are not done with the celebration"

Sirius simply said that and gave a little wink to his brother. Then he walked away.

Walburga sighed with patience as she turned to Regulus. Now that Sirius was gone, she had a softer expression.

"Don't worry, love" she whispered in French only for him, squeezing his chin gently "I have your birthday cake ready for later"

"Thanks, mum" Regulus replied in French as well.

The rest of the evening passed in a numb blur. A feeling Regulus had been having lately. If you could call it a feeling at all. Usually, Regulus survived school with Barty. But summers were split into horrible social events of fake and superficial people and the constant fights of Orion and Walburga. Between each other. Or with Sirius. Regulus was drowned in a teenage angst. Youth didn't seem like the best years of his life. He wasn’t even excited to be sixteen.

"How much he is growing" people would say "He is as handsome as his father. Surely there are lots of girls after him... Maybe my niece would be interested. She lives in America"

"How skinny" another would say "Does he play any sports, Orion? It is good for young boys to be athletic. I was captain of my rugby team when I was his age"

"Oh, how adorable. He is shy, isn't he, Walburga? Not very suitable for businesses. Good thing you have Sirius"

"A handsome boy like him without a girlfriend? Maybe it is the piercings, son. See girls think that is weird. You don't want people thinking you're a puff, do you?"

These kind of comments made Regulus hate himself even more than he already did. He hated how shy he had sounded. How socially awkward he was. How he was seen as this baby, mummy's boy. While Sirius was natural with words, with presence, with the winning smile. Everyone wanted him for business, for recommendations, for making him their sons' model, their nephews'  friend, their nieces' and daughters' future husband. It was sickening. Sirius could be the best heir for the Company and the family name. He just didn't give a fuck about any of it.

Regulus locked himself in his room when everything became too much. He had a knot on his throat. He just wanted to crawl in bed and cry. He was ashamed of himself and what he was. He felt guilty for not being enough. For not being more. For not being the center of attention, not even in his fucking birthday.

Regulus sat on his bed and opened up his drawer. Inside it, Regulus kept a large pair of siccors he had stolen from somewhere.

Regulus had been the angsty teen that not only related with depressing songs about how society sucked and everything was hopeless, that had had his embarrassing emo phase at thirteen when he covered his face with a fang and used only black clothes; Regulus also had cut his own arm.

It was a secret no one knew. Not even Barty who wouldn't be scandalized by these things. It was recent. And Regulus did it a couple of times to feel something. To focus the mental pain into a physical one.

Regulus wanted to do it tonight.

Luckily, he was interrupted by a knock on his window that made him jump. Barty was smiling through the glass. He had a new piercing on his nose.

Regulus hid the scissors inside his drawer and ran to open the window for his friend.

"Happy Birthday!"

"Don't you know how to use the front door?"

Barty crawled inside.

"And face the pretentious wankers from downstairs? No, thank you!"

Regulus smiled "I'm glad you are here"

He didn't want to hurt himself anyway. He felt worse afterwards.

"I brought you a present. And you are going to love me for it" Barty grinned as he took out something from his back pocket.

A big bag of weed hanged from his fingers.

Regulus grinned "God, I love you"

They smoked for a while on Regulus's bed. Barty asked him about the party. Regulus said it was shit. Barty didn't ask no more. Regulus loved him for not pressuring him. They smoked in silence only with punk music in the background. Barty commenting on weird facts that Regulus didn't need to know. But it was nice to focus on something else.

A few hours later someone bursted through his door and Regulus almost had a heart attack hiding his spliff, thinking it was his mother. But Sirius was on the door with a grin on his face and a bottle of gin on his hand.

"Look what I got for ourselves, birthday boy!" he chanted.

"Oh fuck"

"Crouch, you're here"

"Black" Barty said as he let out some smoke.

"Is that weed?" Sirius asked with his eyebrows raised. "Nice! Let's begin with the actual celebration"

"What about our parents?"

Sirius shrugged "Let them have fun with their little orgie of rich old boomers"

Barty cracked up laughing at that.

Regulus started to have some fun with his two favorite people smoking weed and drinking gin with him. It was funny that Sirius and Barty were so similar but quarreled about everything.

Regulus loved them. They made Regulus happy and they made him feel young and alive for a while. They tried playing Monopoly until Sirius threw the board away because he was losing. They gossiped and laughed about people at school, including teachers.

"Okay, hottest girl in school to shag" Sirius said, "Go!"

To Sirius’s surprise, both Regulus and Barty were silent. They had always said Hogwarts girls were too stupid for them.

"Don't you want to shag someone?" Sirius asked

Regulus actually didn't.

"Come on! I know both of you are virgins"

"I am not a virgin!" Barty exclaimed but when Sirius gave him a look he added "Fine! I'd prefer cutting my dick off than shagging one of those brainless princesses"

That was why Barty was Regulus's best friend. They were too similar.

"Me too"

"Come on! There must be someone you find pretty, sexy, hot..." Sirius insisted. Of course he had a long history with girls.

Regulus and Barty stared at each other. This was often something boys didn't understand. How they weren't interested in any girl. The boys in their class used to tease them for it. Calling them fags and each other's boyfriends. Until they got sick of it and arranged to have a default answers. Sirius was the teasing type.

"Emmeline Vance" Barty said.

"Alice Fortescue" Regulus said almost immediately.

Regulus chose Alice because she was the prettiest girl in school. And she was unreachable since she was dating Longbottom. So people left him alone with his "crush". Barty chose Emmeline because everyone thought she was a lesbian and they found funny how Barty didn't have a chance with her. Actually, they didn't care about those girls.

Sirius had the same expected reaction as everyone else. Teasing both for their silly crushes. He even mentioned that Alice and Longbottom were on a break and that his little brother might have a chance.

"You know, I lost my virginity at sixteen" Sirius winked "And Fortescue looks like a good shag"

"Sure" Regulus said. He didn't care.

Sirius was drunk anyway.

"I love girls" Sirius added, his mind somewhere else "I mean I'm very into girls, eh Reggie? No one else.... It is just weird that he is in my mind, yeh know?"

"Who?" Regulus asked amused.

But Sirius didn't answer. He placed his head on Regulus's shoulder with his eyes closed.

"He's pissed" Regulus laughed, turning to look at Barty and finding out he was fast asleep next to him as well. Regulus smiled.

These two. They had made Regulus's birthday worth it somehow. Regulus hated everyone else. Except for these two boys next to him. They made life worth living.

Regulus fell asleep thinking that was the end of the day. However he was woken up hours later by Walburga and her angry expression.

"What is the meaning of this?" She asked as she held the empty bottle and the rest of the stash.

Regulus's heart started beating fast in fear. His mother didn't know how he had drunk, had had drugs and wasn't the innocent lamb she believed.

"Mrs. Black..." Barty cleared his throat as he spoke "Let me explain..."

"I want you out of my house, Bartemius" Walburga snapped "I will call your father in the morning"

Regulus gave Barty an apologetic look. Bartemius Senior was going to punish his son hard. Barty knew it. He looked scared already.

"Regulus?" Walburga was staring directly at him.

"It was me, Walburga" Sirius said next to him and Regulus remembered he was there "Stole the bottle, bought the weed and even called Crouch here to make things interesting. It was my baby brother's birthday after all"

Walburga clenched her jaw.

"Of course it was you" she said looking at Sirius with disgust.

To be fair, Regulus was frozen on the spot. It happened a lot to him when he got too stressed and frightened to react. He wanted to tell the truth but he couldn't.

"I keep insisting to your father and grandfather that you're nothing but a waist" Walburga commented to herself "You are a disappointment. Probably going to end up in rehab or jail..."

Sirius was still drunk with puffy red eyes from the weed. But still what their mother was saying was hurting him. She didn't even care that Barty was there.

"But dragging your little brother into this?" Walburga shook her head "You might want to drown but don't bring Regulus into this"

Sirius chuckled.

"Maman..." Regulus began talking in French. He wanted to tell her it was all his fault. But his voice shook.

"Perhaps I just wanted to give your son a bit of fun, mother. You know, like a man" Sirius’s voice proved the alcohol was speaking for him "Not like the pussy that you had made of him"

Regulus closed his eyes to avoid the tears to fall. He hated to be this weak. To be this fragil. Barty was right there.

"Get up, get a cold shower and compose yourself before your Grandfather leaves. He would want to see you" Walburga sighed with patience.

"I can do whatever I fucking want" Sirius replied drunk as a horse "Didn't you hear? I'm the heir and I will own everything you see around..." he smirked evily "That pisses you off, doesn't it? To think you will have to respond to me like the little bitch you are"

SLAP! Sirius’s little comment caused his such a strong slap across his face, that Walburga's ring cut his cheek and it began bleeding.

Barty gasped and covered his mouth. Regulus, who was used to it, just closed his eyes and nailed his fingers on his palm so hard that it hurt.

Sirius was shocked as he touched the blood on his cheek. Regulus saw it in his expression. He was done. He hated this woman. He hated this life. He hated it all.

Regulus knew he would leave with Alphard. Forever. Regulus knew he was practically one foot out.

"I guess I will make an excuse for your Grandfather" Walburga said as if nothing had happened "I want both of you sober by the time everyone leaves. Or else, your father won't have mercy"

She was right. Orion was ten times worse.

"Bartemius" she turned to him "Get out of here, before I lose my patience"

"Eh... Eh.. Yeah..."

That was the beginning of everything. The beginning of the end as some might say. It easily became the worst summer of Regulus's life.

The relationship between Sirius and Walburga became worse. Sirius’s rebelty was worse. He went to Orion to the office and came back with a terrible mood. Dinners became a battlefield. Until the point when Sirius couldn't take it no more. And he left.

"I can't do this, Regulus" Sirius told him between tears the night he packed his things "I cannot be with them anymore. I cannot become what they want. I can't become like them. This life sickens me..."

Regulus couldn't hold the tears falling down his cheeks silently because he couldn't ask his brother to stay. It wasn't fair. How could he if Regulus himself sometimes wanted to leave.

"Please come with me"

"Where? To the Potters? With Alphard?" he shook his head.

"Doesn't matter! Anywhere but here" Sirius took a step closer, begging desperately "Reg, we can disappear. We can ran away together. They won't have a power over us. I promise"

Some part of Regulus wanted to follow his brother anywhere. But another part of him knew that The Black Family would not lose the heir. If it wasn't Sirius, it would be Regulus. That was it. All eyes would turn to him. They would follow them to the end of the world to make sure one of them took the place.

But Sirius didn't see the details. How by being selfish, he could hurt other people. The Blacks were like a Jenga. If a key piece was taken out, the whole tower would fall down. And Sirius was one of the most important pieces.

"I can't, Sirius" Regulus cried "I'm sorry"

He wanted to beg him to stay and solve this together. They needed to fix Walburga with her drinking problems and childish behavior. They needed to stop Orion from committing fraud and doing everything he could to keep the power. They needed to find out why Alphard left. They were family after all. They couldn't just abandon everything.

"Okay... Suit yourself" Sirius snapped angrily as he grabbed his bag.

Regulus watched him go and he knew once Sirius crossed the door, he was going to lose him forever. And that hurt.

[watermelonlovershigh]

can you write one where harry is holding the shower head to your cl!t and you rly have to pee and accidently pee on the shower head 😭😭

Masturbation and a Full Bladder (SMUT) /blurb/

AN: so i'm sure this request was wanting me to lean more on the piss kink side of things but that's just not for me so i put my own little twist on it. i hope you enjoy. please don't forget to leave your feedback!!!

This story contains: shower sex, premature ejaculation, peeing in shower with NO kink involved, masturbation with shower head

{ boyfriend!harry - softrry - any harry era }

word count- 647

Harry pleasures you with the shower head after he came too quickly during sex but towards the end you end up having to pee really bad, resulting in him telling you to just pee in the shower.

The shower was steamy in more ways than one. Of course the hot water aided in the air inside the shower to get thick and heavy, but also from the heated activities you and your boyfriend Harry are partaking in.

Harry had you pinned to the tile wall where he fucked you hard and deep. But unfortunately he came too fast because you just felt so warm and tight around his cock and that left you orgasmless. But he wasn't having any of that.

He sat you down to your feet and right when you think he was gonna leave you hanging, Harry reaches up to grab the detachable shower head and twists the top part to change the water pressure. Once the water pressure came out more as a jet and not a shower stream, he was satisfied.

"Harry," you go to question, "what in the world are you..... Oh fuck!" Your sentence was cut off by you cursing out loud when he points the water between your legs where the jet stream hits your clit directly.

"Shhh, just trust me. Know this'll feel good for you. Focus on the feelin' of the water stimulating your clit, baby. It's nice isn't it?"

At this point all you can do is nod your head yes, the stimulation almost too much for your sensitive pussy. You have to grab on to Harry's free arm to stabilize yourself or else you'd fall to the shower floor, you're sure. You've never masturbated this way but you could see yourself doing it in the future.

After another minute or so, you get the urge to pee. Now you know that sometimes this feeling will come over you when you have to squirt, but you're 100% positive you just actually have to pee this time. "Harry, let me out. I've gotta you know..."

Harry pulls his eyes off from where he was concentrating on holding the water steady between your legs back up to your face. "Gotta what?" he asks, actually clueless.

"Gotta pee." you hiss, in desperation to relieve your bladder.

Harry giggles before retorting, "Yeah...... and we're in the shower. Just have a wee, love. Right here. It'll go right down the drain."

Fighting back the moans you wish to let out because he still has the water pointing at your clitoris, you gasp, "H, I am not..... not gonna just pee in your shower. What if it gets on you? Or the shower head?"

"If we were out the shower I may have a different opinion on getting your piss on me but we're not. We are in the shower. So what if a little gets on me. I'll just wash off."

Though you try to hold up a fight, your bladder won and suddenly piss (mixed with his cum) starts to flow out of you in a steady stream. You tilt your head down and watch the yellow colored liquid run down the drain. You can also see your pee slightly splattering onto Harry's feet but you ignore that fact to save yourself from more embarrassment.

Right at the end of your pee, your orgasm comes crashing down on you suddenly and your knees nearly buckle but Harry secures you upright with his left arm around your waist. His right hand keeps the shower head pointing to your throbbing clit until your hips jerk away from it becoming slightly painful now.

Harry hangs the shower head back up, adjusting it back to the shower stream, and turns around to encase both arms around your wet, trembling body. "How was that?" he whispers in your ear.

Through heavy breaths, you answer, "Um, yeah, felt great. But I can't believe you watched me pee in the shower. It's embarrassing."

Kissing your shoulder gently, Harry bites back, "No it's not. We all have a wee, baby. Nothin to be embarrassed about."

(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)

(no more tags are allowed because i've hit my number limit. sorry : ( )

tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @hsfanficsrecss // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @itfeelslikemytherapisthatesme // @damnasstyles  // @mrsstylesharry // @softmullet  // @meetmyblondemuffins  // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @stanleystyles  // @haarrrys // @michellekstyles  // @skyangel57   // @the-gardener-31 // @lhharrylilpumpkin // @yousunshine-youtemptress // @clairestylessss  // @kissmyaxe140  // @goldenmelonsugar-hi // @kaitieskidmore1 // @florencepughily  // @alienorknight //@dancearoundthelivingroom  // @swiftmendeshoran

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______________

My Masterlist Masterpost

[celestialcrownsvn]

October Update

Hi guys! Thanks again for all the support regarding my last update. Stopping the marketing has been great for my mental health and I've finally been able to make progress on the game. 

Backgrounds

All the backgrounds are... done 😰I feel like that can't be right. But, I've got them all, and barring any issues where I need to commission a couple more, we should be all set.

Programming

I have programmed 1750/7255 lines of Aalam's route so far (Scene 5 of 30)! This includes voice, music, animations, etc. Once I get through this round of programming, it'll be ready for testing. Last time I asked for volunteers for beta testers, but due to mixed results as far as people keeping deadlines, I don't think I'll be doing that again. I might ask a select group of people and see if there's anything left in the budget I can offer as payment.

Writing

Most of the new writing for Aalam's route is in later chapters, so I didn't do much this month aside from some editing of typos, etc., as I started from the beginning to program/polish all at once.

CGs

Good news and bad news on this front. The good news is that my CG artist is okay and isn't in any danger as far as we know. The bad news is that she has decided to leave the project. I am going to reach out to another artist once I finish taking in all the sketches/finished pieces she's done and seeing how much work is actually left.

Voice Acting

I hit a snag when someone asked me about the VA strike. I wasn't aware of it, as I haven't been keeping up with current events due to life stuff. But we came to an arrangement, and I'll be sending the VA scripts out soon, hopefully today. Essentially, I'm making a commitment not to use any of the voice lines received for AI training, now or in the future. Which I think is a very simple thing to promise and I can't believe people are having to strike for what seems like common sense. Anyway.

Conclusion and Timeline

That's it for me folks! Your support has been so uplifting, so thank you again.

I've been very busy with IRL work lately so I haven't had as much time to work on CC as I wanted, but I'm hoping to finish Aalam's route and send it to testing by the end of November. Slow and steady wins the race. 💪🏾

As a side note... my birthday is Friday, a great present would be to wishlist the game!

[strawhbrrries]

Hell on Heels, part two.

pairing: rhett abbott x tillerson!afab!reader

summary: you made the devil a deal; he made you pretty, he made you smart and rhett abbott she’s coming after you.

warnings: everyone calls reader ‘honey’, sweet rhett but also asshole rhett, the tillersons (they need their own warning tbh but i love a good forbidden romance), unprotected p in v, car sex, a wee bit of rhett begging, no use of y/n or description of reader, not proofread 

word count: 3.6k words

author’s note: eventually I want them to have sex in a place that isn’t rhett’s truck, i started writing the next part for this before this was even finished so!!! this isn’t nearly as good as the last part but it sets me up for a great third part. as always, enjoy!!!

read the first part here!

You slipped a coin in the jukebox that sat in the corner of the Pit Bar, flipping through the songs before landing on Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood. A small smile replacing the previous frown you had as the music started over the speakers. Your frown was the result of Rhett Abbott, he’d apparently fucked you and forgotten to text you. The girls had brought you out, their treat, in a desperate attempt to get THE Honey Tillerson back to her normal self.

“Wait so he actually fucked you?” Ash whispered across the table as you sat back down, taking a sip of the mixed drink in her hand as she awaited for your answer with bated breath.

“Mhm, nice and good. It was all hot and sweaty too, after the rodeo y'know?” You giggled, feeling like a schoolgirl with the way they were treating this. 

To be far, this was a long time coming. You’d been after this man for as long as any of them could remember, unconditionally loyal to a man who wasn’t that way for you. To them, hearing that he’d finally kissed you and then fucked you is truck was the news of the century. Especially in a small town like Wabang. 

“He finally grew some balls I guess, shoulda done that the second you told him to his face you were gonna marry him. Freshman year, remember?” Taylor teased, poking you in your side as you covered your face in embarrassment.

“I am never living that down, you guys bring it up like everytime we talk about him.” You groaned, burying your face further into your hands and distorting your words slightly. “Besides, he totally choked it. He hasn’t texted me since that night. And guess what Luke told me this morning?  Rhett and Maria were caught going to the motel, the same fuckin’ night he fucked me.”

“That whore, what the fuck!” Ash whisper-yelled, dropping her jaw open at the bombshell of news. “I’m gonna need another fuckin’ drink if you keep droppin’ bombs like this, Honey.”

“Yeah, I’ve made some sort of peace with it. I’ve been second to her our entire lives, shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up about it.” You shrugged, taking a sip of the drink in front of you and making direct eye contact with none other than the man you were speaking about.

The news had initially hurt when Luke told you. Then you thought about it and realized that you simply were never going to be better than Maria, she wasn’t at fault here and being upset with the other woman did you no good. Your knuckles had gone white when the words left your brother’s mouth, how could you have reacted any other way? You’d finally slept with the one man you’d been yearning for your entire life only to find out he then slept with someone else directly after. Didn’t she smell you on him? See the red lipstick peppered on his skin or the collar of his shirt? 

“Tay, come sing with me?” You asked, batting your eyelashes at the girl sitting next to you, even pouting your lips for extra measure.

“Cowboy Casanova?” She asked, smiling happily when you shook your head yes.

It was the perfect ‘revenge’ song, Carrie knew how to write her songs and she had rent to pay with this one. The bar had finally started to pick up and it was simply the perfect moment to, subtly, call Rhett out on his actions. Sure he had no ties to you but that didn’t mean he couldn’t give you basic respect and tell you he didn’t want you the way you wanted him. You made sure the cowboy hat, a new one you had bought earlier today, was snug on your head and your makeup was still in place before dragging Taylor up to the stage with you. The drinks had started to feel nice and warm, tipsy was the only time you’d openly sing like this. Especially such a directed song like this one. 

“You better take it from me, that boy is a disease.” You sang loudly, making direct eye contact with Rhett who had his arm around Maria next to him. 

His face screwed up at the lyrics once he learned you were singing about him, and to him. Maria whispered something in his ear, making a face you couldn’t quite decipher when he shook his head yes and whispered something back to her. 

“He’s a curse, he’s like a drug. You get addicted to his love.” The two of your voices harmonizing beautifully, prancing around the stage and captivating the audience in a way that seemed to anger Rhett. But, unlike him, the audience simply thought you were performing to have a good time and not to get back at him.

The group of girls you came with had started chanting your names, whooping and hollering from the table they sat at, being your biggest fans without getting swallowed in the sea of bar patrons.

“I see that look on your face, you ain’t hearing what I say.” Is the lyric that caused Rhett and Maria to get up and storm out of the bar, not another soul in the place giving a single shit that his masculinity had been hurt by a Carrie Underwood song.

You finished the song off with a bang, bowing with Taylor as the crowd gave you a standing ovation. It was the most thrilling thing you’d done all week and you loved it, it felt nice to let him know he wasn’t shit. He called you Hell on Heels and you’d be damned if you didn’t live up to it, you were coming for him. The girls gave the two of you another round of hollers as you approached the table.

“Did you see them storm out?” Ash giggled, tilting her head towards the table they had previously been sitting at.

“Don’t be a two timin’ bitch next time.” You smiled, taking the last sip of your drink and basking in the glory of what just happened You’d finally actually stood up for yourself and damn if it didn’t feel fucking good.

You’d spent your entire night at the bar, chatting with the girls about anything and everything between. Mostly gossiping about the look Maria had on her face when she realized you were singing about Rhett. The rest of your family had been asleep when you got home, it made it way easier to go to your room without a million questions about who, why, when and where. You hung up your hat on the rack right inside the door of your room, taking in a deep breath before exhaling shakily. Yeah, it felt good to tell Rhett off that way but you still had some love for him and that would never change. The whole situation was a little heartbreaking for you. You were hopeful that dreamland would fix all your problems, take you to a world where he only wanted you.

“Rhett Abbott is at the door sayin’ he needs to speak with you.” Billy’s tone laced with confusion, anytime one of the boys showed up at the door it was never for you, looking over at where you sat on the couch.

You got up from the couch and walked to the door, giving Billy a look that said ‘please give me a second’ and he walked off. Turning your attention to the man on your porch you wanted to burst into laughter, he was pissed and you knew why. 

“We need to talk.” Rhett stated, arms crossed as he waited for you to step outside. 

“About what, because if you wanna talk about what happened at the Pit Bar I distinctly remember you leavin’ with someone who wasn’t me.” You closed the door behind you and leaned up against it, waiting for him to get to whatever the hell his point was. 

“I’m not your boyfriend, Honey-“

“Exactly, so why are you here?” You cut him off, raising your eyebrows at him, ready to tell him if that’s what he came to say it could’ve been a text. 

“What?” This time he was confused, not expecting you to have agreed with him right off the bat. 

“You’re not my boyfriend, so why are you here? You’re angry that I did what I wanted at the bar yet you get to run off with Maria the second you don’t want to deal with me. You’re not my boyfriend but you wanna fuck me in your truck after you win finals, don’t forget you took Maria to a motel after bein’ with me.” Your words were calm, too angry to give him the satisfaction of seeing your emotions. His eyes got big at the mention of the motel, he was trying to figure out how the hell you knew. “Luke told me, don’t sneak around in a small town and think it won’t get around.”

“Don’t you dare bring her into this. This is between the two of us.” He hissed, pointing a finger in your face.

“Have you no respect for me, Rhett Abbott? You don’t get to sneak around with the both of us. Have you no respect for Maria? Jesus fuckin’ Christ.” You rolled your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose, choosing to ignore the finger in your face to save whatever dignity he hadn’t taken. 

“Honey-“

“No, Rhett. It’s my turn to speak. I’ve been second fuckin’ best to Maria my entire life, every single turn she was unintentionally one upping me. I don’t deserve this shit, Rhett. If I wanted a man who couldn’t commit I’d take notes from some other girl in town, that night in your fuckin’ truck gave me a single sliver of hope that I’d finally come out on top. That you’d finally decide I was the one. So much for bein’ a good luck charm. Good bye, Rhett Abbott.” 

You turned around and slammed the door in his face, locking it behind you before he got any ideas to come in after you. Unbeknownst to you, he’d come to apologize. He’d realized the way he acted on both the nights you mentioned was unacceptable, he was going to man up and say he was sorry but you went off on him. Told him to shut up and didn’t give him a chance to speak. He placed his fist on your front door and laid his head down next to it before he realized you really weren’t coming back outside and he walked away.

“What’d he want?” Billy asked, he’d taken your spot on the couch and was now eating the breakfast you had previously prepared for yourself. 

“To talk.” Is all you responded with, as much as you wanted to confide in him all your words would make it back to Luke. That was something you absolutely didn’t want to deal with, so you opted for pretending everything was fine and dandy instead. 

You found yourself hesitating when you went to block Rhett’s number, for some reason you just couldn’t fucking do it. All the what ifs flooded your mind and no matter how angry you were with him, you’d always be one call away. Ready to make everything feel okay, even for just five minutes before he found solace inside another girl. You threw your phone on your bed with a frustrated groan, trying to think of all the ways he went from praising you in his truck to being the biggest asshole you knew. That was hard to beat when you had one for a brother. 

You decided not to dwell on it and get ready for the day ahead of you, you had nothing planned but if you knew one thing it was that you didn’t live a boring life. By the time you’d finished getting ready and had eaten something, making sure Billy didn’t get to it when you turned your back, your phone had been blown up by your girlfriends asking if you wanted to go to the bar tonight. Of course, you said yes. You double checked your makeup and made your way down to the bar that took Rhett Abbott away from you, he did it himself but the bar solidified it. 

“Hey sweet girl, Honey.” Ash greeted you, kissing your cheek as you sat in the same booth you always did when your group attended the bar.

“Always so welcoming.” You smiled, scoping out the place as you sat. Your eyes landed on none other than Rhett Abbott, and god did he look handsome. His signature cowboy hat wasn’t what got you, it was the small tufts of hair sticking out of the side untamed. “I didn’t know moving on from him was going to be so damn hard.”

“I mean, you did fuck him like three days ago. Let yourself live.” Taylor pointed out, rubbing your back in support. 

“True but he just looks so…fuckable.” You pouted, watching him tilt his head back in laughter.

“So are you and look where it got him.” Ash took a sip of her beer, eyeing you up playfully. “Fuck him one more time to get him out of your system.”

You contemplated what she said for the rest of the night, your attention remaining on Rhett when it could be. You noticed Maria was here too, but not once had she interacted with Rhett or made any indication that she wanted to speak to him. He hadn’t paid her any attention either. His attention was on you everytime you weren’t looking at him, he wasn’t a man to grovel but you were making him reconsider it all. Your anger at him this morning turned him on a bit, not that he’d admit that to anyone other than himself. After failing to apologize he’d given Maria a call, called it off with her completely. He told her the plain old truth, that sneaking around with her wasn’t worth it when he could be with you and feel on top of the goddamn world. He felt no shame or guilt after he did, almost contemplated telling you what he’d done just to prove a point to no one but himself. 

“Can we talk?” Rhett asked, walking up to your table of girls and staring directly at you. Admiring the low cut of your shirt and the way your red lipstick had slightly smudged from the straw in your drink.

“Uhm, sure. I’ll be back ladies.” You smiled at the girls before giving them a confused look and scooting out of the booth, following Rhett out of the bar and to the side of his truck.

“I came to your house to apologize this mornin’, Honey.” He spoke softly, no longer the stoic man he was just a minute ago. You took in a deep breath as you contemplated his words. “I called it off with Maria, all the way off. Honey, I need it to be you.”

“Rhett-”

“Look, let me talk this time.” He mocked your words from this morning, a small smile playing on his lips as he spoke.

“Okay, hit me.” You spoke softly, unsure of where this conversation was going and if you were going to lose your pants by the end of it. You counted on the fact that you’d end up folded in half in his backseat.

“I came to apologize for how idiotic I was, for one sneaking behind your back. I’ve been stringin’ you along for awhile and I shouldn’t, you’ve been nothin’ but faithful and supportive of everythin’ I’ve done. Secondly, for storming out of the bar and just bein’ an ass in general. You blew up at me before I could say anythin’ else, which is valid because the first thing out of my mouth was ‘i’m not your boyfriend’ and i’ve regretted it all fuckin’ day. Honey, I want- fuck I need to be your boyfriend. If you aren’t ready I’ll wait for you-”

You cut off his words by smashing your lips to his, you’d think over his words later and truly process them when you weren’t so incredibly turned on by an idiot saying he needed to be your boyfriend. This was probably as affectionate as Rhett was able to be and you’d happily take it. Your hands intertwined themselves with the hair on the back of his head, pushing your body completely against his. His hands found themselves at your waist, holding you still as he bit your bottom lip and explored the inside of your mouth with his tongue when you gasped.

“Rhett.” You whined against his lips, pulling at his hair softly in a plea to get him to do what you wanted but you weren’t even sure what that was.

“I know, sweet girl. I know.” He whispered, disconnecting your lips and pulling back to admire the fading love bite he gave you last time. “C’mon, in the truck.”

He helped you get in the backseat, positioning you on his lap once again. Your lips found his again while your hips ground down against his, both of you groaning at the action. His hands tangled themselves in your hair, tugging on it slightly to get you to lean your head back and give him access to your neck. He placed open mouth kisses from the top of your jaw to the end of your neck, nipping occasionally and soothing it with his tongue. Rhett was rock hard the second he saw you walk into the bar hours ago, but you grinding down on him had him harder than he was the first time he had you in his truck.

You fumbled with the buckle of his belt, your fingers slipping and not quite able to get it in your frenzy to remove his pants. A small cry escaped before Rhett shushed you, placed a kiss to the top of your head, and unbuckled his belt. He lifted you up just enough for him to get his jeans pushed down around his ankles, relishing in the fact that his dick wasn’t heavily compressed in his jeans. 

Immediately you went to sink to your knees, went to pull his boxers down and put him in your mouth like you’d been waiting to do since the first time you slept together. 

“No.” He rasped, holding you where you were.

“What?”

“Need to be inside of you, right now. Don’t have time for that.” He groaned, yanking your jeans and underwear down in one yank. 

You shook your head yes and kicked your jeans off, straddling his waist and unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing just enough to see the tattoo on his chest. You traced it, admiring it. 

“Honey, please.” Rhett begged, his chest flushing red.

The fact that you had him underneath you begging would forever be one of the best things you ever accomplished, you absolutely would not tell the girls about it though. It would be your little secret. You would probably think of it every night you had your hands down your pants, cumming to the thought of him. 

You stroked him a few times before lining him up with your entrance and slowly sliding down. 

“Fuck, Honey. I love you.” He groaned, laying his head against the back of the seat. 

You froze, did he just? What the fuck. You loved him too but this was supposed to be a one and done for you, but you were now realizing he thought you were- oh no. Should you say it back? Pretend like you never heard him? Make a noise to acknowledge him? 

Rhett on the other hand was now beating the shit out of himself internally because how could he say that shit out loud. All he was doing was making the situation worse between the two of you by putting you in this weird limbo. 

The both of you elected to ignore the fact that he said it, instead focusing on how you were bouncing on top of him. One of your hands braced against the back window and the other softly planted on his chest, using him as leverage. 

“Lean back, I wanna ride the bull.” You whispered into his ear, getting a small laugh in response. Both of you exchanging small smiles.

He eventually got tired of the pace you had set, wrapped both his arms around your lower back and set his own pace. Thrusting up into you like it was his full time job. Holding you close to him, like he sensed that you were debating not seeing him again. He’d made up his mind about you and you made up yours, but they contradicted. He didn’t want to let you go and yet, you knew you had to. Maybe. Rhett would always be your kryptonite, deep down you knew you’d always find yourself back with him but if you never gave yourself a chance to find ‘better’ would you ever regret it?

He painted your insides white with a low groan and a mumble of Fuck, Honey. You weren’t far behind him, your walls clenching around him as your orgasm washed over you. He didn’t let you go or pull out, he just stayed there. Enjoying some sense of normalcy before you both left his truck and things could change, maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. He wasn’t taking his chances, not when it came to his sweet ol’ Honey.

[teecupangel]

Got another idea. XD Sorry! 💜

Do you know about Yuri on Ice? I loved the animation of the ice skating in the show and just imagine Desmond doing those graceful jumps is making me swoon like a maiden. XD

Could do a light AU where Desmond is scouted by a proffesional because he is so nimble shortly after running away from the farm or a full blown AU with Altaïr, Ezio and Ratonhnhaké:ton as professional ice skaters.

The light AU would be a bit difficult to pull off unless we make the trainer ex criminal or something, so that Abstergo couldn't try to grab Desmond immidiently when he starts competing. The trainer would assure him that whatever threat is out there he would protect him and it works until 2012. Abstergo probably got desperate enough to kidnapp Desmond, damn the publicity of a famous athlete going missing. The image of Desmond wielding the ice skates as knives is also both funny and badass. XD

Full blown AU could have Bill getting injured early on in his career and pushing(abusing) Desmond into becoming the star Bill was meant to be. Because athletes in general retire around their 30s, we can muck about with the ages so that Al Mualim, Haytham and Bill where skating around the same time and after Bill was forced to retire early, he decided to date and have a kid with another famous skater in the hopes that Desmond would be a prodigy(he is, but that is not enough for Bill).

Al Mualim, when he lost his eye in a duel skating rutine gone horrificly wrong(imagine a few years after Bill), decided to take on his old friend Umar's son as his personal trainee to live vicariously through.

Haytham is the only one of the 3 who retires of his own free will. He could discover that an intense, but short relationship he had with the skater Ziio resulted in a child and she saw how fiercly competetive and single minded Haytham was about the sport, so she decided to not tell Haytham about Ratonhnhaké:ton or more commonly known as Connor. Once Haytham discovers he has a son after Ziio dies(i imagine disease), he takes him in and tries to bond with him, to mixed results. Connor decides to follow in both his parents footsteps, to honor his mother and because it seems to be the best way to bond with his father. I imagine some light angst about Haytham pushing Connor because that was how he was raised after his father died early on, but eventually Haytham learns to just be proud of his son. 🥰

Ezio is the fan favorite with his devilish charms and outrages antics with his older brother, gossip magazines love them because Ezio loves to tease and indulge the photographers in exchange for most of them leaving his family alone. The Auditores are not an ice skating family, Ezio is just really talented and does it for the love of the sport, so he is pretty chill about competing. He is feared for his jumps though. VERY feared. XD

This could be Altdes or Ezides(because i'm traaaash! XD) where Desmond growing closer to the love interest lets him discover what true love and family is meant to be. Tbh think Ezio is the most fitting if we do that route, because let's face it: out if every goddamned assassin i know of, he is the only one with a good family/upbringing until the hanging. Fucking Disney mom syndrom over here. XD

Btw, i have no idea about ice skating and it's been years since i watched Yuri on Ice, so i am sorry if any details here is wildy inaccurate or impossible. ^^ And sorry for the text wall, got carried away. Again. XD Love ya! 💜

I love Yuri on Ice and I’m still waiting for that movie lol.

If you don’t want to choose between AltDes and EziDes, go with both? XD

But in all seriousness, EziDes would be more on the side of fluff and Desmond slowly becoming part of the Auditore family and learning what it means to have an actual loving family. Ezio would be the kind of person who would show Desmond the world beyond the small confines of being William Miles’ successor and he’ll learn to be interested in other things.

AltDes, though, considering the setup we have here, would focus heavily on the distorted mirror image they both share. Altaïr would be the son William Miles wanted to raise in Desmond’s eyes and Desmond would be the type of person he would have become had he not rose to all of Al Mualim’s expectation in Altaïr’s eyes. This is less of a found family kind of thing but more on the side of “I am jealous of you but I also can’t help but worry about you” kind of thing because they both have an idea of the loneliness and suffering they are hiding.

So yeah, it really depends on what kind of story you want to go for. Fluff for EziDes, angst for AltDes XD

Also… maybe in some ways, EziDes is about Ezio saving Desmond while AltDes is about the two of them saving each other.

Regardless of which path we take, Ezio’s relationship with Desmond would be about ‘learning of the outside world’ kind of deal and having an actual healthy support system who cares and love him. Desmond’s relationship with Altaïr would be more on the side of finding someone so similar to one’s self that caring and loving them (either platonically or romantically) is a way for one to care and love themselves.

Ratonhnhaké:ton, on the other hand, is that kind friend who serves as Desmond’s own foil thanks to his relationship with his own father. But, unlike Altaïr, their friendship is less burdened because Ratonhnhaké:ton actually knows what he wants and Haytham is trying. Their father-son relationship is actually what makes Desmond realize that, shit, his own relationship with his father is fucked up.

Ezio told him that too but Desmond can’t really wrap his head around it because Giovanni act really different from Bill that he can’t really compare them but Haytham? Haytham definitely acts a lot like Bill. And then he meets Al Mualim who acts a lot like Bill as well (it’s the other way around, Bill is trying to copy Al Mualim since he was more successful than Bill). So yeah, Haytham shows Desmond (and Altaïr) that a father can fuck up but make up for it as well.

Also, regardless of the pairing, the four of them would have a close bond with one another with the not-love interest and Ratonhnhaké:ton having front row seat to whatever shenanigans are happening between Desmond and his love interest.

(Sidebar: Kadar is absolutely Altaïr’s Number One Fan. Malik is absolutely embarrassed because he’s actually competing in the same competition and everyone who knows Kadar is his brother pities him because his own brother is cheering a different contestant. Kadar also skates and he can actually copy Altaïr’s performances. Ask him to perform his own and he blanks out though)

Love you too💜 and never apologize for text walls. I love reading them hahahaha

[ploppythespaceship]

Doctor Who Series 14 / Season 1 Review

Man, it feels good to be enjoying Doctor Who again. I haven't been keeping up with the show in years, but I caught up to see Tennant's return leading into Ncuti's run and I am so glad I did. This season is far from perfect, but it gets a lot of little things right and is consistently fun to watch, even if a lot of the details fall apart.

What I Liked

Ncuti Gatwa is simply phenomenal. He settles into the role so quickly and so easily, bringing such a fresh energy to the character. I love how distinct he feels, too -- when you're playing the fifteenth iteration of a character, it can be hard to find a new spin on things, but he's done it. He's also a fantastic actor, getting to show an incredibly wide range in just a few short episodes. I truly think he'll be remembered as one of the best Doctors.

Millie Gibson is also very good as Ruby, and her dynamic with the Doctor is a lot of fun. I appreciate having another Doctor/companion relationship that isn't romantic. They're just best friends, and it's very cute.

The show looks great. It's very clear that they've had a budget increase -- the costumes, effects, etc. are noticeably improved since RTD's first run.

Murray Gold's return as the composer is extremely welcome. His stuff isn't quite as bombastic as before (or maybe the episodes just have better sound mixing), but keeps a lot of the same leitmotifs. The result is a more subtle score that perfectly suits each scene.

Mel is so cool now. She was one of my least favorite classic companions, so seeing her worked into these storylines and feel more compelling is an unexpected delight.

What I Didn't Like

Ultimately, I think the season is just too short. Council of Geeks has an excellent YouTube video on this -- because there are only eight episodes, and a lot of them are going for bigger ideas and weirder premises, it feels like we don't really settle into a status quo.

The Doctor and Ruby's relationship also isn't as developed as much as I would like. If you pay close attention to the dialogue, there's actually a six month gap between "Space Babies" and "The Devil's Chord" -- we could have used another episode or two in that time period to really flesh out the beginnings of their friendship better. Instead the show jumps straight to them being best friends, without really showing us why that is.

I don't think the mystery box format of this season really worked. The mysteries were built up to such an extent that no answer could really be satisfying, and the finale really almost entirely on the big reveals that ultimately didn't amount to much. Ruby in particular feels like an underbaked companion, and I hope she gets more time to get properly developed.

Individual Episode Thoughts

Space Babies — This is easily the weakest episode of the season. It's not bad by any means, but it does remind me of some of the sillier episodes of RTD's first run. It felt like we were speedrunning the companion introduction, when things could have been slowed down and spread across a few episodes to feel more natural. The baby VFX also do not work and fall very firmly into uncanny valley territory.

The Devil's Chord — This one makes very little sense, but is entirely saved by Jinkx Monsoon being so iconic as Maestro. If you just go along for the ride, it's a ton of fun.

Boom — This episode is proof that Steven Moffat truly is at his best when he's writing self-contained stories under someone else's guidance. I don't think it's as iconic as Moffat's previous stories, and I felt like Ncuti was getting a lot of dialogue that better suited Matt Smith, but the entire concept was interesting and the execution was solid. Also, Ncuti acted his ass off without even being able to move.

73 Yards — Honestly, I'm mixed on this one. The setup is fantastic and eerie, and I enjoy the exploration of Ruby's character, solo from the Doctor. I like her experiencing this inexplicable thing, and deciding to find purpose in it to help others. But the story does fall apart for me at the end when it doesn't explain anything. I don't need every single thing handed to me, I understand the value of leaving things to the imagination, but the fact that the episode's last impression is "wait what?" does leave a bit of a sour taste. That being said, I do respect how weird and different this episode is, and how much discussion it prompted afterward.

Dot and Bubble — The trailers looked like a Black Mirror ripoff, and I was prepared for a shallow "social media bad" episode. Instead, we got something far more nuanced about the dangers of trapping yourself in a bubble of like-minded people and refusing to ever look beyond it. And the ending reveal that it's a society of white supremacists is so, so well-handled, because all the clues were there for you. If you're like me and didn't piece it together until the very end, it really challenges you to ask yourself why you didn't notice sooner. Also, another episode where Ncuti acts his ass off. My personal favorite episode of the season.

Rogue — Another with mixed feelings. Rogue himself is tons of fun, and I enjoy his dynamic with the Doctor, even if parts of it are pretty rushed. I really hope he comes back. The episode plot itself is serviceable but nothing special. My main complaint is the severe lack of Ruby. Her relationship with the Doctor doesn't feel sufficiently established, so the emotional beats don't really land.

The Legend of Ruby Sunday — This was an underwhelming finale, unfortunately. The first part barely even qualifies as an episode. It launches right into starting to answer the season's mysteries, but does so in an uncompelling and heavy-handed way. The Sutekh reveal is pretty epic in isolation, but...

Empire of Death — The Sutekh reveal doesn't really lead to anything satisfying. He doesn't have the presence of Toymaker or Maestro, he's just a CGI dog monster. This second part finally answers some questions, some of which are vaguely interesting, but it's happening in a plot so dull and so dry that I just can't bring myself to care. The episode is also just confusing? The plot points don't seem to flow naturally together, like multiple stories were smashed together with little rhyme or reason. The resolution is some of the most nonsensical nonsense that Doctor Who has ever come up with. Then we get to the reveal of Ruby's mother, which is so forced and it becomes clear in retrospect that things were added to seem more mysterious than they really were. And capping it all off is the Doctor's farewell to Ruby, which falls flat because, as I've said, their relationship is rather undercooked. It really does end the season on a downer, which is a shame because so many of the preceding episodes were pretty good.

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

Hi Hank! Can you talk to me about how you burnish your leather? I did a harness making workshop n whilst my harness is rad, it's a very soft leather and the edges are still a bit fuzzy. The teacher didn't even mention burnishing, we gave the edges a bit of a rub with some natural rubber but that was it. I saw you mention it once and googled it, but there seems to be a few different tools/schools of thought on it. X Hank

OH MY GOD I drafted up a response that was like 95% complete then adhded hard and forgot about it till now so so so sorry!

Congrats on making a harness! I know how satisfying that can feel.

For any unaware, burnishing refers to the smoothing, compressing, and slicking down of fibers in leather. It is done with a burnishing agent, and friction from usually either a wooden or glass tool.

Depending on the leather and the item, the best burnish you can get is sometimes sweat, friction, and use. One of the leatherworkers I look up to the most doesn't do any burnishing on their work because they work almost exclusively with latigo and more than anything, it just needs to be broken in.

I use pretty much exclusively natural (undyed) vegtan, and even after oiling, it does need burnishing for it to be comfortable enough to wear.

For a time, I used gum tragacanth as the agent. It's about 20$/gallon and does a decent job on pretty dense leather, but the fibers loosened pretty quickly and often felt kinda dried out after not terribly long. Afaik, gum trag really only works on vegtans.

I eventually switched to tokonole which is around $16/120g. It does a beautiful job and also acts as a bit of a filler, creating an even smoother finish that will last quite a while. Tokonole is great on either vegtan or chrome tan. It's the same burnishing process just with different goop.

After I am done burnishing and I let the leather rest, I apply a 50/50 solution of water and resolene to a small cotton square (you'll find em in drug stores with q tips and cotton balls) and apply a few passes with the grain to both seal it and slick down any remaining rough spots. You'll actually be able to hear the rough spots get removed from one pass to thr next. I also do this on the edges.

Two final other methods: You can also burnish with water, though I haven't tried much of that and doubt it would be good for burnishing gear. On really gnarly flesh, I've made pucks of 50/50 beeswax and neatsfoot and used that plus heat from a lighter to melt it in, then a quick rub with wood, but Ive had mixed results with that.

All this is just what I have picked up over the last year, so I'm by no means an expert. Ask 100 leather workers a question on their process and you'll get 100 different answers, but I hope this was at least a helpful overview of a few different ways to get a better result!

[doublejango]

Hello! I read your post on being present in roleplaying and it got me curious as I've never done it myself (outside of drama improv, if that even counts, lol), but it's always felt like a formative staple in fandom community even though I've never really understood it.

I wanted to ask a couple of questions if that's okay. Namely, what actually is roleplaying, what it's like, and where one can find a community to try it out.

Otherwise, I thought your post was really good as it also applies to OCs in novels and experiencing real life, so if all else, we can just leave it at that, lol

Aw hi! And thank you, this was so sweet!!!

I mean, I am not an expert on RP or anything, I've only been back on Tumblr since February. I'm also absolutely not an expert on writing, just an enthusiastic lover of spilling words onto the page, so take everything with a grain of salt <3

Roleplaying is basically just shared storytelling. It can take a lot of forms--like LARP, which stands for Live Action Role Play, or tabletop games like D&D. With those, it is a lot like improv acting, I imagine. You have a character, you have parameters, and you shape the story by acting things out as you go--no plan, no script, just doing what feels right for your character while also working to build the "Yes, And" vibes.

Written RP is a lot like that. At least, to me it feels a lot like that. It feels like a game where we both pick our favorite characters and our favorite writing styles, then dive in hard. Maybe we explore whatever aspects of canon (if one or both of us is a canon character) left us howling and sobbing. Maybe we mix worlds--like Blitz hanging out with Cardan, from the Folk of the Air series. Maybe we just become absolute crack monsters. Whatever we do with it, it's essentially collaborative storytelling built on respect of each other's preferences and needs, and love of not just the results, but the process. It's fun, it's like--making a really satisfying with (usually) just one other person.

On tumblr, you can often find roleplaying communities (or RPCs) for just about anything just by checking for relevant tags, like helluva boss rp for me. If there's something you love, there's probably an RPC for it, and if not? There's usually someone who will be interested in checking your character out and talking about inspiration with you.

A lot of RPers--most, from what I have seen--will have a pinned post on their blog that communicates their rules/preferences. For example, since my character is a filth-goblin and a violent little feral monster, I am not okay with the idea of interacting with minors, so I put that in my rules. I'm also very anti-censorship and shaming, so that's in my rules, too. Whatever is most important to you, whatever you know you won't be able to handle in an RP partner, put that in your rules post. If you find the RPC tags for a fandom you like (and Tumblr will often help you with this by promoting other posts and blogs similar to the things you search for, once it figures out that's what you like), you can find roleplayers' blogs and check their rules out to get an idea of what sort of things might be most common, what sort of things other players seem to hope to find in rules.

If the idea of digging into tags overwhelms you, or you take a look around and decide nope, Tumblr RP is not for me, but I still want to try written RP, you can also look for blogs that are designed to help people meet so they can write together, often on Discord. @rphunter is an excellent example of those blogs and can be a great place to start, or even just a way to start seeing how people talk about RP.

TL;DR -- It's like creating fanfiction together (or original fiction, sometimes!), because we love the game, respect each other, and are cheerful nerds who just like to play. Roleplay is a very social hobby, and a lot of fun! If you're curious about it, I hope you give it a try! And hey I may be slow about answering questions, and may just babble and be the worst source ever, but I will always try <3 So please never feel bad for asking.

[berestweys]

just finished watching jaesu's JX Identity 20th Anniversary concert (day 3), and am deeply in my feels as we used to say.

i got almost all the things i was hoping for with this show:

full versions of old db5k standards: AND HOW. i did not anticipate that the bulk of the concert would be old songs! what a gift. they killed it. (jae stomping around with all the choreography is simply the delight of my year. my little dance machine, he didn't fall down once!!! thank you junsu for making him do it!)

they sang so many of the old songs it was really stunning actually. opening with rising sun? hug AND balloons??? is purple line a noisy monstrosity of a song? yes. do i love it with every fiber of my being? also yes. did i get emotional watching jaejoong and junsu sing it as a duet in 2024??? GUESS.

and don't even get me started on the ballads. they were many and i was overwhelmed. proud, stand by u, and i believe. begin, why did i fall in love with you, & whatever they say. love in the ice of course. the list goes on.

no, it is not the same as listening to the original db5k versions. but i tell you what. jj & su take their versions just as far as two voices possibly could, and if i hadn't already been unwell for years about the five-part ballads i would not have noticed anything missing. they're that good at their craft. they are SINGERS.

i know it's become a tired refrain, but with my whole chest: fuck sm for silencing them for so many years. we should have had this all along.

jyj songs reworked as duets: only got one? but it's not nothing. empty sure was a choice though. i was hoping for in heaven, so so, or creation, but i'll take what i can get. (for real jx should re-record the entirety of Just Us (minus back seat, thirty, and dad you there) for my happiness and well being.)

tarantallegra or oeo: junsu did not leave me hanging and i got tarantallegra! probably in my top 5 kpop choreos, though i have not sat down and really thought about it to rank them.

both of them showcasing their solo work: they haven't gotten to sing their own songs at the same concert in so long. it was wonderful. wish junsu had sung some of his more recent songs like hana, and wish jae had given us at least one of his older rock songs instead of keeping to the most recent album. but these are quibbles and i loved all the songs they did choose.

crybabies: mixed results. ok this one came as a bit of a shock because jae lost it but junsu didn't? i would have predicted the opposite. jae is not actually much of a crier, but when he cries he CRIES. this was one of those times and honestly thank goodness su kept himself together because jaejoong needed to be shuffled around the stage with someone else's steady hand in support. he was just gone. bless.

things i wanted but did not get:

a new single prepared for the concert: i just want so much more duo music from them after the treat that was 六等星 in 2022. i want an album!!!

intoxication as a slutty duet: i knew it was a long shot. but i wanted it very badly, on behalf of 2012 jamie who was about 75% more unhinged than 2024 jamie pretends not to be.

incredible as a goofy happy good time duet: what can i say, i really want to see jaejoong blundering his awkward baby horse limbs through that choreo. i really thought i might get this one! alas.

any of either of their solo power ballads as a duet: this is the only thing i'm kinda disappointed about. imagine if they'd sung flower or breathing in love or all that glitters or, god, life support together??? i guess it's best they didn't because i would be dead right now.

it was a great concert, 3 hours well spent. feeling like my old school fangirl self right now, very nostalgic. i do love them.

*

[girldragongizzard]

Chapter 16: Finding my voice

The clothes are obviously Chapman’s, and I’m made to fit them.

The central piece of the ensemble is a TARDIS dress. Probably because it’s blue.

There’s also a pair of sunset orange ballet flats with orange supportive insoles in them. A pair of gloves, a purse, and a pair of sunglasses, all of the same color.

The purse is bigger, and in better shape, and with a longer strap, than the purse I’ve been using. So I happily transfer everything over to that. And that’s really super easy with my new sofa-primate hands.

There’s a simple makeup kit in the purse, including a mirror, that I’m entirely too afraid to use.

I’ll catch a glimpse of myself in a window or a bathroom mirror eventually, but I don’t need that now, and I don’t know a thing about makeup. A lot of women locally don’t wear much of it, if any at all, anyway. I’ll blend in just fine without it.

Except that I’m wearing these clothes, and they are telegraphing who I am to anybody who might suspect I’m wearing a pendant that can do this in the first place.

There are panties that are the same blue as the dress.

No bra. The dress has a shelf bra, and what I’ve got on my chest probably doesn’t even need that. I’ve still got them, though. Definitely bigger than I’ve ever had before.

A lot of women around here don’t wear bras either. So, again, not a huge deal. And one less thing to delay my exit from the parking garage.

When I’m all dressed, the pendant hangs all the way down to the bottom of my sternum, under my dress, completely hidden by it and its high neckline.

In a pinch, though, I can still grab it with both hands and haul it right over my head and out of my dress. But if I do that, the dress won’t survive. Nor will the shoes or gloves. Or panties.

There are a lot of reasons I don’t like this, now that I’m doing it, and I want to take the pendant off now. However, that would shunt me over to escape plan B, and that might result in more of last night’s kind of bologna, actually.

But I look like I’m going to a science fiction convention.

—

As I stick my nose out through the crack in the door of the stairwell, I smell, hear, and see a police car roll by and head for the ramp up. They obviously didn’t see me even crack the door, but I let myself be convinced that my disguise is already working, and lick my lips before opening the door more fully.

Another police car swerves and pulls to a halt in front of me as I step out of the door, and I make startled eye contact with the driver.

He pulls his microphone from his dash and puts it to his mouth, to say, amplified and way too loud, echoing throughout the complex, “Ma’am. Please vacate the premises immediately for your safety. There is a dangerous reptile wandering the parking garage.

I still don’t see animal control anywhere.

I nod, and wave, and stumble out, around and past the car to the sidewalk.

I hope they don’t hurt that poor lizard.

Fortunately, I happen to know that she’s making a cunning getaway. But, they might yet track her down, I suppose.

What if they have a wizard on their staff?

—

The door of the coffee shop opens, setting off the chime to let everyone know that the first customer of the day has entered.

Well, no. Chapman and Rhoda are already there, in the back of the main room, waiting for me.

Jill and Cerce, who open on Saturdays, have been told what to expect, but Cerce gawks from behind the counter as Jill steps out to get a good look at me and then at Chapman and back again.

I understand we don’t look exactly alike, though I couldn’t tell from memory when I had taken a peek at myself in a shop window. But, it does look like our bodies were stamped out of the same base mold.

There are some differences.

My boobs are bigger.

My hair is dark brown and not cut in a side shave, and it falls to my shoulders. It has a slight wave to it.

Chapman had said sie had based my facial features on hir favorite autistic comedian from Australia, mixing them with hir own. And the result is that we could be siblings, cousins, or painfully gay partners, depending on if the beholder has prosopagnosia like me or not. And I’m honestly fine with any of those assumptions. I feel like I’d have fun playing each of them up. If I could focus on socializing as if I’m human.

Jill stops in front of me and asks, “Meghan. You look stunning. And stunned. Are you all right?”

I open my mouth and I squeak.

Jill blinks.

See, there’s a bit of a problem.

I hold up a finger. Straight up. It surprises me and I look at it in wonder for a second, then I glance at Jill, and then Cerce. And then I reach into my new purse with both hands and pull out my enchanted tablet.

I almost go to put it on the ground in front of me, but stop myself from bending over more than a couple degrees and make a coughing noise. Then I rub my nose and straighten up and deliberately hold the tablet in front of me.

At which point I reach with one of my hands and turn it on.

Holding it with one hand directly in front of my face at half an arm’s length out, I press on the screen with the knuckle of my other hand.

This feels so freaking awkward and weird.

But soon the AAC app is open and I can talk again. So I say, in my own now familiar voice, that of the tablet, “Can’t talk.”

“What? I don’t understand!” Jill exclaims. Then looks questioningly at Chapman.

Cerce utters, “Oh.”

And Chapman nods at her and then says, “She has a larynx now, Jill. Not only does she not know how to use it, but I imagine it feels really weird when she tries.”

I nod vigorously.

“But didn’t she have one before?” Jill asks.

“I don’t know,” Chapman says. “I never got to study a dragon before the metamorphosis. No one did. We didn’t know who they were. But if I had a guess, I’d say she did, but she lost all memory of how to use it when that old disguise was discarded.”

Jill half points at me and asks, “And how did you say she got this way again?”

“I very pointedly didn’t,” Chapman replies. “And I won’t.”

Jill squints at me and examines me further and says, “I do feel like I recognize her, even though she’s never looked like this. Just like the first time she changed. Will all the other dragons be able to do this?”

“Probably not. Or, if so, one at a time.”

“So weird. And so cool, and,” she looks at me in the face. “Are you really OK with this?”

I shake my head, making sure that she and Cerce and Rhoda and Chapman see me do so. Then I use my tablet to say, “Have to.”

“OK. OK.” She nervously smiles at Chapman, then back at me. “Well, you look good.”

—

There’s a full length mirror in the back room, where they’re going to eventually set up my computer, and I’m really annoyed that I’m using it to look at this body and not my own.

I could take off all my clothes again and then the pendant, and get to see, but that would be a lot of trouble. I’ll get to see eventually.

And, even though it’s a full length mirror, it’s not really wide enough to give me a full third person view of my wingspan. When I have one.

It’s just fine for a human, of course.

I’m.

I’m a woman.

Only I’m not.

This is how I know that I’m not.

Oh, I am definitely female. I am so supposed to be female. I am almost laser focused now on the idea of laying eggs in the spring.

I might be in the need to look for a suitable egg laying lair, actually. It’s a whole half a year away, but now I’m thinking of that pretty solidly.

But anyway, female dragons are not typically women, and this is definitely not me.

Kind of like before my first metamorphosis, I feel like I’m seeing a completely different person in the mirror. Like, as if it’s literally not a mirror but a window, with another person on the other side. My brain will absolutely not let me see it as a mirror. Even as that person mimics my movements and expressions.

But the person I see is cute!

And unlike before, she looks like someone I’d like to at least be very good friends with.

I sure wouldn’t mind looking like her if I absolutely had to. At least humans would treat me almost right if they saw her when looking at me.

Which, for the time being, they will. Which is a startling revelation to keep having. It never stops being jarring.

I do find it a little weird that I can walk just fine, but I can’t talk. It feels like a continuity oversight in a science fiction show. Or a plot hole. But I speculate it might have something to do with dissociation, and what specifically triggers my dysphoria and what doesn’t. Maybe.

It is magic. And very particular, literal magic at that, from Chapman’s explanation. Like programming the universe itself. So, it might just be that I’m missing the code for speech but not for walking. Though, why that would be the case, I’m just not sure. It makes less sense to me than my dissociation explanation.

I tilt my head to the side and watch as the other person does it too. They do remind me a lot of Chapman when sie isn’t around.

I again ask myself this question, because the topic just happens to be on my brain regarding eggs and just how human I might be at the moment. Would I have sex with this person if I could?

Maybe?

If I appear to be human, and she is human, maybe I could. Socially. Accept that.

Physically? Can I imagine enjoying the physical sensation of that?

Honestly, I just can’t even bring to mind memories of physical human contact, let alone daydreams of it.

Why do I ask myself this?

Because humans are constantly talking about it. Or, a lot of them are. Every relationship in every story seems to center around eventually having sex. And it’s the one way they ask whether they’re compatible with each other. And I guess it’s one of those habits I’ve learned from them.

Again, I don’t know what happens in the spring, which I’m guessing is mating season, based on thoughts I keep having.

I turn my head away from the mirror.

I’m supposed to be using this thing to practice acting and moving like a human woman. And I’m failing even at moving like a human, actually. I can tell that much.

I awkwardly move to open the door and walk through the short dark hallway out into the cafe. There are some other customers there now, and Chapman comes to me and indicates we should head back into the back room again.

I was going to ask hir to help me, but apparently I don’t have to.

Rhoda moves to come back, too, but Chapman stops here and says, “Just a moment, OK?”

And then, once we’re back there, Chapman closes the door and stands in front of it.

“Maybe we don’t need you to practice being human today. Just keep the disguise on until we’re done,” sie says. “It’ll be more convincing if you’re draconically weird for the interview. Blending in with people will be needed later, maybe, when you want to use it.”

Then we talk about a few other things before inviting Rhoda in to plan the next phase.

—

It’s the end of the summer and this weird man is wearing black jeans and a black leather biker’s jacket. His black hair is the kind of mess they strove for in old photos of geniuses, but his mutton chops belong at the Subdued Stringband Jamboree. He’s wearing cowboy boots and holding a small notepad and a pen, his right leg propped up on his left as he sits and listens to me explain things using his laptop with the AAC program installed on it.

I find the keyboard is reasonably easy to use, once I get used to using my fingertips to hunt and peck.

I used to be a touch typist, but I think this way now for some reason. But I’m still getting full sentences out in reasonable time.

He’s nodding as I talk.

Occasionally, he asks a question.

What I find absolutely hilarious is that his name, his literal given name, is Seagull. Seagull Phil. It sounds like a nickname, but it isn’t.

The coincidence of that made my stomach growl at the weirdest moment in our introductions.

He works for the weekly paper, and we’re having this interview in the back room of the shop.

He has a voice like a 1930s transatlantic radio announcer. Soft, gentle, and extremely articulate. It does not fit his physical image in the slightest. He’s six foot three, too.

The whole affect is disarming and makes me feel at ease despite my mounting and raging dysphoria. I almost forget that I don’t look like myself.

Rhoda met him at the Council meeting, and befriended him when it was adjourned abruptly to his great dismay. She’d told him that he could interview a dragon.

I’m keeping my human disguise for this so that I can type easier, really.

When we’re done, I’ve promised to shed it so that he can verify that I’m the Meg that everyone is talking about.

What I’ve learned is that apparently I’ve been targeted by the authorities because I’ve been leading the morning roll calls, and someone thinks that that will break up the grip the rest of the dragons have on the city. But also, the property management of my building had called the police for my forceful eviction from the premises (which they had momentarily achieved). They have no idea I’m trespassing.

I’m telling Seagull as much of my story as I can manage in the time we have.

Between this interview and the letters that Astraia and I sent to City and County Councils, there may be some hope for a better resolution, Seagull says.

I want to believe him.

—

Now I see myself in that full length mirror.

I still wish it was a mirror in a dance hall, or something like that. But between it and my ability to twist and crane my neck to look at my back and belly, or to look at the mirror from any angle, I get a really good look at myself.

I’m alone again in the back room to do this.

And I’m relaxed in ways that I didn’t think even mattered.

It’s like my very cells have unclenched.

It’s that energized looseness and lethargy you might feel after the best massage, if your soul had been massaged.

So, when I described my torso and limbs as being similar in scale to a human’s, that didn’t really do any justice to their form or function, or actual shape. Just a vague sense of scale that explains why and how I can enter buildings with little trouble.

I’ve only seen morphology like this in recent speculative illustrations of dinosaurs, with the major addition of a third set of limbs. My wings.

Unlike how dinosaurs are thought to have been, based on their skeletal structures, I believe I am about as flexible as a monitor lizard.

But my back is high and arched, and my chest does have a keel like a bird’s, because wing muscles demand that. This makes my torso tall, like a dogs, and gives me a barrel chest like a swan’s. Also, my neck starts at the base by going up and curving gracefully to my head, which can be described as before. But now I’m thinking of it as kind of a cross between a goat and caiman in shape, nearly straight horns swept back. And my tail tends to be held upright and straight out for balance. I can’t curl it terribly tightly with muscles alone, but it’s more flexible than it looks when I move.

My wings are more forward than my forelimbs. Which actually makes my wings my forelimbs. My arms, I guess, are set further back out of the way of my flight muscles. But they’re still partially linked, and I do flex them a little in sync with my wings when I’m flapping hard.

If I stretch out, from tip of nose to tip of tail, I might be ten or eleven feet long.

I know I don’t weigh nearly as much as I did when I presented as a 5’10” human man that was 280 lbs.

On the other hand, I think I may have notably grown in length and girth in the last week. I have no measurements to confirm it, but I just feel like it has happened.

My left shoulder still has that nasty gash in it, which isn’t there when I’m in human disguise.

But even with that gash, every inch of this body, as I look at it, every scale, every tiny curve, every bump and nobble, every movement of it, everything is mine. Mine in the same way that this building is mine, and this coffee shop. The way that my friends are mine. And the city itself. The way that my soul is mine.

Not the mine of ownership or domain. The mine of association and identity.

The mine by which I derive my sense of being and purpose and place. Contentment. Joy. Pride.

It can be injured and made weaker, but even then that’s mine, too.

It’s the kind of mine I can mine for strength.

Inspired by this feeling, I spend a little time learning a few more simple, one syllable words, so I can say them faster when I need to.