#I am abrasive and irritable and find pleasure in making people feel as bad about themselves as they make me feel about myself
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“We’re not soulmates. I love you. On purpose <3”
Yeah no sorry if you have to make yourself be around me despite parts of me you don’t like then stay the fuck away from me actually? I don’t want a love that has caveats. I don’t want a love that tells me I’m less than. I don’t want a love that looks at me and sees my flaws as rough edges that it becomes accustomed to. I don’t want a love that teases me about things I hate about myself because they notice I hate those things about myself and to them they’re quirks they think they can bully out of me to make me a better person.
In other words. I don’t want a love that forces me to mask myself under threat of abandonment. Because if love is a choice, then eventually they will stop choosing you. It’s only a matter of time.
#what do i even tag this as#autism#???#I’m not a good person#I am abrasive and irritable and find pleasure in making people feel as bad about themselves as they make me feel about myself#I am petty and selfish and rude#but there’s SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN THAT#and if that’s a barrier to loving and caring about me#then you are going to be disappointed#because love will not change those things about me#I am not those things for the sake of being those things#those are not who I am#but they define the way I interact with the world#because that is all the world will see about me#you don’t remember the kindness people do only the damage#‘when you do things right people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all’
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