#I am a certified romance hater this is. well it just is not going to go well for me is it.

[fancy-marshmallow]

I HATE PEOPLEEEEEEEEEEEE

[alloreli]

Oh 2 and 25 👀👀

In reference to this post

2. Biggest flop of the year?

AL COMING FOR ME WITH A KNIFE so for context I am a chronic...DNFer? Sampler? I borrow books on Libby like they're candy and if I'm not feeling it in the first few chapters I drop it and move on with absolutely NO shame. Sometimes I'll make it as far as halfway but the MOMENT I decide I'm not having enough fun that's it I'm OUT no shame there's too many books out there to waste my time when I'm not having fun.

Anyways I had to go look back into my Libby borrow history to review all the books I DNFed (many) and figure out which ones I'd gotten further than just the opening chapters but ACTUALLY it wasn't nearly as much of a competition as I expected because EMILY WILDE'S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF FAERIE is BY AND FAR the Top Flop. That book should have been my JAM, I am all about anything fairy tale, love me an independent woman, and I do enjoy a bit of light (and sometimes even not so light!) romance. But Emily Wilde was just.....not good! Not fun! It was like if The Lady Trent Memoirs were bad! I didn't like the main character, I didn't like the love interest, and honestly the whole thing was just forgettable apparently since I didn't even remember it until I reached it in my Libby deep dive. And I just feel like a Certified Hater™ every time I see people gush about how good Emily Wilde novels are and how excited they are for the third book to come out. There's BETTER books out there folks!

25. What's on the top of your list for 2025?

Well, I just barely didn't manage to finish The Lotus Empire in 2024 soooooooo that? 🤣 Then I also have The Dark and Drowning Tide back from the library, that one hooked me just as my library hold was expiring, so I'm excited to finish that. Gonna for real read The Butcher of the Forest.

In general in 2025 I'm hoping to read some things that are a little more robust/challenging. I read a few of those recently and it reminded me how fun it is to have my brain worked - junk food is great but gosh there's nothing like a fucked up little book.

[translucio]

initial thoughts

cassandra reading varrics memoir at the end of trespasser was soooo good i love her sm

despite the game having been out for 9 years and being spoiled on most major things there were still some things i never got spoiled about. wild

not knowing exactly how some quest chains and major story decisions work, and not having been spoiled on them, actually turned out to be bad for me. some things happened that i didn't know were possible and would have avoided, but by the time they happened, the events that caused them were already like 20+ hrs of gameplay back. which is frustrating. these were things i really had no way of knowing would happen without looking it up far in advance. im the type of player who saves religiously in case i need to go back a little ways to fix things, but im not willing to go that far back

the war table....... is a mechanic. UX/game feel good. systems bad. the experience of going to the table, getting all your advisors together, studying the map, choosing which method to deal with different events, the diegetic menu - great! having to Wait Real Time to unlock content, and not knowing which content is important, and the sheer quantity of dumb operations that just crowd the map - bad. annoying. the reason i failed to do all the personal quests even though i wanted to and thought i had

this game was a poor attempt at open-ish world. it did not need to be this long or big. long load times and slow transitions were of course hardware limitations, but they are just painful, and could have been avoided if theyd made different design decisions. horseriding kinda feels like ass. most of the activities that populate the maps are pointless bloat to keep you there longer and get more mileage out of areas youve already moved through. of course this was 2014 and we have to try things to learn how to do them well but there were a lot of mistakes here.... lets do better guys

romanced dorian. wish you could be poly in this game cause i am not spending any more time in it but i did wanna see josephines romance...

i know shes kind of popularly disliked in the fandom and i saw a post a while ago saying shes really not that bad and people are just racist or misogynistic or whatever. but having finished the game now. i do not like vivienne. she pissed me off really bad and i wanted to kick her out but couldnt. and i never want to kick out companions in games

sera also irritated me but in her case i feel like its just cause some of her writing is not the best lol

i hate to say it as i was a certified cullen hater for the longest time. but you know what. he got better and i like how his arc went / how hes developed across the games. cullen girlies i understand you now. will you forgive me

and to be honest. yes solas is a bastard but hes not that bad.... maybe its because ive been desensitized by having been spoiled long ago but i think hes fine as a character/villain reveal. im not mad. he is not sexy though yall need help. that is an egg.

overall plot writing..... meh. the stuff they did with elves and elf gods and all is a bit convoluted, and ofc the whole mage templar war thing was so messy and uncomfortably centrist. and they really just continue to present qunari in A Way. really hope they do better next game

[strawberry-boogie]

THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY OF MARY J. BLIGE 

Brooklyn White

If someone would’ve asked me earlier this year if I was a Mary J. Blige fan, I would’ve said yes. No doubt. I’ll be 23 years old this fall, so although I wasn’t exactly allowed to jam secular music, I snuck around and I liked what I heard. Therefore, it’s safe to say that I grew up to her sounds. From peeping performances of “Real Love” on video channels, to having vivid memories of Mary expressing the depth of human emotion in a closet, to hearing “Be Without You” EVERYWHERE in middle school, I definitely have had my fair share of Blige and I’ve enjoyed it in full. Or so I thought. 

Truthfully, I didn’t understand much about Mary or the messages she’s shared until a few months ago. I knew that she’d been in a tumultuous relationship with K-Ci Hailey of Jodeci in the early 1990s and I also knew that love, specifically the dark side of it, was a central theme in her work. But, it wasn’t real to me yet. Sure, I liked the sound (Mary hits those notes and the beats are bops), I enjoyed the various looks she’s given over the years, and I was into her narrative on a surface level, but it took me going through my own personal hell and being reborn and researching her life to truly feel the agony and the ecstasy of Mary J. Blige.

(Bare Mary)

Blige was born in the Bronx, New York in early 1971 to a musically gifted mother, Cora, and a physically abusive father. Music was always important to the family though - Blige’s Vietnam-vet father, Thomas, was a funk musician. Thomas left the family when Mary was 4, but she has shared that he would pop back into the picture periodically. My findings revealed that the Blige women moved to Savannah, Georgia for a time, but I am unsure of the exact time period. Cora and her two young daughters then relocated to Yonkers, but unfortunately, they were constantly faced with the mistreatment of others, as well as various other forms of violence. Blige has described how while living in the projects, she would hear women yelling and running from their partners and her family would be chased by people wielding weapons. Mary also began being sexually abused by a caretaker at age 5.

As most artists and dreamers do, Mary soon found a beautiful escape from the horrors of her reality. She began singing in a Pentecostal church (a denomination known for it’s high energy services and heavenly music) and was inspired by the soulful voices of Chaka Khan, Anita Baker, and Milira. Although the music remained in her heart, Blige stopped frequenting church, dropped out of school, and began drinking and using drugs. She was a talented hairdresser, so she also spent her time doing her friends’s hair in her mother’s home. Blige soon caught wind of an opportunity to do karaoke at a nearby mall and went in to drop her rendition of Anita Baker’s smash hit, “Caught Up In The Rapture”. The performance was recorded and eventually found it’s way in the hands of Andre Harrell, the CEO of Uptown Records. Just like that, music had once again saved Mary J’s life.

(Shots of a young Mary)

Now affiliated with Uptown Records, Mary was given the opportunity to sing background vocals for popular acts until she began focusing solely on her debut body of work. In 1991, she was assigned to rising producer Sean “Puffy” Combs and they began crafting a sound that would define Blige and change R&B forever. ‘What’s the 411?’, a reference to Blige’s time as a 4-1-1 operator, combined her smooth, strong mezzo-soprano vocals with hip-hop inspired, new jack swing beats and experimented with the look and sound of what a female R&B vocalist was supposed to be like. 

(Combs and Blige, exact date unknown) 

Produced primarily by Combs, ‘What’s the 411?’ was released in the summer of 1992 to great reviews from Entertainment Weekly, All Music, and The Rolling Stone Album Guide. Critics praised the blending of genres, Blige’s voice, and her fly, no bullshit attitude, and the project was certified 3x platinum after selling 3 million copies. Singles included: “You Remind Me”, “Real Love”, “Reminisce”, “Sweet Thing” (a cover of Blige’s childhood inspiration, Chaka Khan’s, 1975 cut) and “Love No Limit”. The stunning debut hit the top of Billboard’s Hip Hop/R&B chart, rose to #6 on the Top 200 list, and certainly solidified Blige as a starlet to watch. A remix version of the project was released, but was not as successful, even though the “Reminisce” remix with C.L. Smooth is my jam.

(Blige performing the “Reminisce” remix for Uptown Unplugged in 1993; Dave Hollister stood in for C.L.)

Around this time, Mary also began a romance with Cedric “KCi” Hailey, a singer who also has roots in the Pentecostal church and was signed to Uptown Records in 1991 (as a member of Jodeci). He was featured on Mary’s debut, sharing vocals on the emotional ballad, “I Don’t Want To Do Anything” and stories of the duo’s fiery affair has allegedly been content for a few of Blige’s recordings. Mary remained relatively quiet about the situation in interviews, but she has discussed the final straw. Apparently, Hailey gave her a ring, and then denied their engagement on a television show in London. Blige was shown the footage of his denial on air and reveals how hurt she was by his behavior. (FOUL!!!!) She kept the creativity alive through it all though and began recording her sophomore effort, ‘My Life’ in the winter of 1993.

‘My Life’, with it’s raw feeling, use of old school soul samples, and serious subject matter, was a “call for help” according to Blige.  Shockingly, she didn’t think people would be receptive of it initially. But as fate would have it, the LP, released in late 1994, was not only understood, but well received. Scarred by the events of life, the R&B diva had turned to drugs and drinking again, but was inspired by the support of her fans to begin healing. As someone who has dealt with drugs, experienced sexual abuse, and chosen cruel partners out of self-hate, I comprehend the rockiness of the healing process. It takes time, and sometimes, it’s an ongoing process. You do good, you fuck up, you clean up, you do good, you fuck up...it goes on and on until you become who you want to be. I say this because Blige did not sober up immediately - it took her years to find her strength and love herself the way she needed to be loved. Even after winning her first Grammy for “I’ll Be There For You/You’re All I Need”, Blige continued to stumble. But she never gave up.  

(Blige on the cover on cover of EBONY in January 1998)

Project after project, including 97′s ‘Share My World’, 99′s ‘Mary’, and 2001′s super successful release, ‘No More Drama’, chronicled this process and gave listeners a look into the soul of a superstar. No hateration in this dancery, bitch. Blige’s life began to get better when she started a romance in 2000, with her now soon-to-be-ex, Kendu Isaacs. In the beginning, the couple seemed to be a match made in heaven and Mary has spoken on how she strongly she felt for her first husband. After 16 years though, Blige filed for divorce, stating irreconcilable differences. I now know that cheating is at the heart of the split and I can’t help but wonder what the hell Isaacs is thinking. Spousal support? What? How do you dog MARY JANE BLIGE and then get to HER bag? Mind blowing. 

On the more positive side, during their union, Blige gave up drugs and alcohol for good, modified her diet, and gave the world ‘Love & Life’, ‘The Breakthrough’, ‘Growing Pains’, ‘Stronger With Each Tear’, ‘My Life II’, ‘A Mary Christmas, and ‘The London Sessions’. She also co-headlined a tour with Jay-Z in 2008 to support their respective 2007 releases. It remains the best selling male/female hip-hop/r&b tour of all time, grossing over 30 million dollars. Blige also won 8 of her 9 Grammy awards during this time period. 

(Blige at the 2017 BET Awards)

In 2017, the media has focused heavily on her divorce from Isaacs (I scrolled through pages trying to find older news that spoke on the good points of their relationship), but that’s how it be. I got a few cosmic clues that Mary J Blige’s story was worth looking into and sharing, the first coming from my mom. When all of the news started to break about Mary’s split, my mom told me to (in so many words) to humanize Blige. “She’s our sister”, my mom said. Facts, Pastor Lewis. She is our sister, and we gotta love her and lift her up. My friend Don, who is kiiiiinda responsible for my most recent MJB spin, also helped me realize a few things about Blige. He showed me “U + Me”, a single from her latest offering, ‘Strength of a Woman’ and a light bulb went off. The stories of violence, the broken relationship with self, the deep desire for real love...I finally understood it and could enjoy it as someone with a past and bright future. I can say that I’m now a true fan because I know that we are reflections of one another. Our agony and ecstasy has become one.

Congratulations to Mary J. Blige for releasing her debut project on this day in 1992. Keep going Mary, I’m behind you. 

Peace.

[wesonerdy]

Zoey is all about romance in this week’s grown-ish, but her player-antics might blow up in her face. Full recap of “If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late” by @luvthispayne.

Courtesy of Freeform/Byron Cohen

  We are back y’all! I’ve been waiting for this all week and this week’s episode did not disappoint. Let’s just get straight to it.

Last week we left off with Zoey getting a “u up” text from BaeRon (pronounce this as Bae-ryyyyyyynnnnnnn in Teyanna Taylor’s voice) Zoey promptly, like damn girl can you even wait 5 minutes, responded yeah. Well since that night, Sis has gotten at least two other “u up” texts from Aaron and her first kiss. Wait. Her. First. Kiss. Awwwww, all the damn feels. Buuuuut her first kiss and she’s in love. I canna. If the first kiss has her in love, lawd don’t let her get the …… *loses signal*

Image Source: Tenor.com

  So about these “u up” texts, Zoey is all kinds of confused. The first couple of times she got them, she responded and it led to her and Aaron fooling around. We don’t really know what fooling around means, other than maybe some kissing and heavy petting as the old folks would say. I am really showing my age with that one lol SHUT UP!!! GET OFF MY LAWN!

Zoey needs some help sorting out how to feel so she calls a girls gathering in the middle of the night but the opinions are about as mixed and varied as a bag of trailmix. One the one hand, the twins believe that if Zoey responds to yet another “u up” text from Aaron that it basically insinuates that she’s a hoe and DTF (if you don’t know what that stands for, google it. I won’t do everything for you). I mean it is 2:30am.

  Then you have Nomi (thank God for Nomi), who assures her that if she responds its because she wants to. And there is nothing wrong with a booty call, especially if y’all both want the booty. Nomi tries to explain that there is nothing wrong with a young woman exploring her sexuality and having the desire same as a man. Okay. GIRL!

  Then there’s Ana who simplistically believes that the texts are just because he’s thinking about her, and that’s why Aaron is texting her at 2:30am. I would think her naivete was cute if she wasn’t doling out terrible ass advice.

Courtesy of Freeform/Byron Cohen

  Did someone say terrible advice, the entire discussion of the texts brings up another problem. Zoey doesn’t exactly know what hooking up means. She mentions that she responds to the text because she just wants to hookup with Aaron. She thinks hooking up means just hanging out. Look I ain’t that old but even I know hooking up has always meant two bodies doing the vertical tango. Zoey’s not the only one who doesn’t know what it means because Ana volunteers that she hooked up with her Uncle just last night at his hotel and it didn’t include anything sexual. Someone please call Child Protective Services.

  Ultimately, Zoey decides to play the long game and figures that not responding to Aaron’s text at all might just work in her favor because she’ll make him wait. Let’s just go ahead and crown Zoey #MissTeamBadDecisions2018 of Cal U because I swear it’s been one dumb decision after another. But thats college I guess.

The next day Zoey has blown Aaron off but she has to see him in class because they sit right next to each other. In class and Sis is giving him the cold shoulder and at first it seems to be working because he is laying on compliments HEAVY! I’m all cheering like okay girl, you got him right where you want him. But as soon as Zoey starts to feel her little self, Aaron leaves class early with a new bae of his own. We don’t know his other chick is but Zoey is seething with envy and hateration and holleration in the dancery.

  Girl that’s what happens when you out here playing more games than Jigsaw. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Zoey needs a new plan to get Aaron back and lord I wished her friends or at least her roommate was around before she launched her plan. Sis texts Aaron and when he doesn’t respond immediately she goes into text diarrhea. Send HALP! Sis is spiraling out of control and I am HOLLERING IN MY HOUSE, OH GOD STOP!

  Zoey starts texting everything from songs to asking for joint checking accounts and baby names. I mean, all she didn’t send was a Marvin’s Room, I’m just saying you can do better text. My god, I cringed thinking about just how many texts she sent and how embarrassingly awful they all were. What’s worse is that Aaron’s response was literally “Please stop.”

At this point, death really is her only option because I mean she looks NUTS. Like certified nuts. If I was Aaron, I’d be considering a restraining order. Given her humiliation, Zoey feels that the most logical way to get over one man is to get under another. Makes perfect sense.

  Who’s the new bae, Luca! Yes, the WEEKDAY is about to be her new 9-5 and Weekend. Now I genuinely can’t tell if Zoey is truly feeling Luca, which it seems like she is, or if she’s just spending time with him to occupy herself and make Aaron jealous. If it’s the first, then obviously, I am pro-Zoey, girl get your Luca on. If it is the latter, then girl DO BETTER!

My gut tells me its the latter because no long after she and Luca start getting cozy, Aaron pops back into her life and now she’s balancing two BAES! This doesn’t seem like it’s going to work out in her favor because let’s be real we’ve seen Zoey’s multi-tasking skills and they suck. Last time she tried juggling things she ended up mildly addicted to adderall.

For a minute things seem to be going well. I mean she’s keeping her calendar tight, avoiding pics with them both, and geo-tagging locations so there are no run ins. Sidenote: the fact that this geotagging is a thing is scary as all hell and millennials frighten me. Also just binged black mirror so lowkey all technology frightens me.

But back to Zoey, there’s only so long Sis can try and keep both balls in the air before they come crashing down on her head. Crash and burn. Now y’all know that Luca and Aaron been arguing since day ONE in Dr. Telphy class. Not only is oey balancing two men but she’s doing so with two men who cannot STAND EACH OTHER. This is messy and I love it.

  Zoey gets caught facetiming Aaron while on skype with Luca. They see each other and it’s an immediate roast fest. Aaron said that Luca looked like Willow Smith and I am pretty sure that my ghost is writing this recap because last night I died. Total help me sing. Anyway, the biggest loser in all of this ends up being Zoey because both the guys find out about each other and both want nothing to do with her. Yeah well she earned it. Now Zoey’s a ball of confused mess. While sulking we meet another character, Dean Parker.

Courtesy of Freeform/Craig Sjodin

Courtesy of Freeform/Byron Cohen

  Dean Parker takes the time to give his troubled student a few pearls of wisdom about relationships; mainly about communication and honesty. After their chat, Zoey is feeling better about how to move forward and vows that she’ll be more honest with herself those she’s dating. More importantly, she resolves that she is going to try and focus more on why she’s college in the first place; her education. I am beaming with pride. The baby is growing up and learning life lessons and look at her.

  It doesn’t last long because like 8 hours later, she meets a new guy named Cash, and got damnit if we ain’t right back where we started. Is Cash just going to be another ploy in her plot to woo Aaron, chile probably. Hey, Cash boo though. He’s a chocolate cutie.

Courtesy of Freeform/Byron Cohen

  Will our girl end up with more egg on her face? I seriously hope not because I really want #MissBadTeamBadDecisions2018 to give her crown to someone else. But we’ll just have to wait until next week to see what happens! See you then.

    Ashley is a lawyer by day and a television, social media enthusiast by night. Catch her on twitter spreading black girl magic. Twitter: @luvthispayne RECAP: ‘grown-ish’ Season 1, Episode 3 “If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late” Zoey is all about romance in this week's grown-ish, but her player-antics might blow up in her face.