#I always lose track of time when it comes to the end of December. it just flies by

[malachitezmeyka]

My symptoms always tend to get worse at night, and if I attempt to lie down my cough becomes unbearable, so instead of sleeping I went to do gift shopping that I suddenly remembered I haven’t done yet

I ordered stuff for literally everyone and spent half my allowance send help

[waywardxrhea]

Part of Your World - George Weasley

Chapter 12

pairing: George Weasley x fem!Muggle!reader

installment list / previous chapter / next chapter

word count: 4,605

content: mentions of death, depictions of depression, insecurity, plane ride (Arthur has a GRAND time), heavy on the emotions

December rolled around and the Burrow was starting to fill with warmth, joy, and sweaters, but George still wasn’t acting himself. When he finally opened the shop back up a few months after Fred’s death, George always plastered a smile on his face for the customers and laughed when the younger ones came back to tell the stories of the pranks they pulled, but behind closed doors he lived with a dark cloud encircling him. Even with the total support and comfort that Lee, Angelina, the remaining members of the Order, and his family gave him throughout the grieving process, George still fell into a deep depression. 

As Hermione was flittering around the Burrow helping Mrs. Weasley with odds and ends to make her workload easier, she stopped in her tracks when she saw George sitting in a chair by a window rolling something around between his fingers. Upon closer inspection she realised it was your engagement ring, so with a gentle smile on her lips, she cleared her throat and asked, “What’s stopping you from going to get her?”

George startled in his seat, his hand instinctively reaching for the wand that was placed on the window sill before he realised it was just Hermione. As he slumped back into the chair and pocketed the ring, he sighed before telling her quietly, “I don’t want her to see me like this…” A single tear escaped his eye that he quickly brushed away before mumbling, “She’s probably moved on anyway, no point in uprooting her new life…”

“Oh George…” Hermione said, her voice heavy with emotion as she tried to hold back her own tears. She crouched down beside him and placed a hand on his forearm as she said, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being friends with Harry, it’s that love is even more powerful than magic. That girl loves you with everything she has, and I have a feeling that not even those memory enchantments could stop her from loving you, even if she doesn’t realise it.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Remember when I went to find my parents in Australia?” He nodded. “When they first saw me, there was this look of recognition in their eyes. They knew me from somewhere but they couldn’t figure out where. That was until I lifted the enchantment. They told me that it felt like deep inside their minds there was some sort of locked box that had memories that were just out of their reach. They knew they were there but couldn’t access them. If the same stands for her, I can guarantee you she hasn’t moved on.”

“I’m just…scared,” George admitted as he turned away from her once more to let his tears fall. “I lost Fred, I can’t lose her too…”

“Then go get her,” Hermione encouraged. “I know things have been a mare, but…this is something you can control and it may help you out of this rut you’ve gotten into. I’ve always admired your relationship and how much you two make each other smile even in the darkest times. I think it’s time to bring her home.”

A smile ghosted over George’s features before he nodded, telling her, “All right. I’ll talk with Dad and we’ll start planning. How’s a trip to New York sound?”

Hermione smiled and nodded, saying with a quiet laugh, “You two will need all the help you can get navigating Muggle transport, of course I’m coming with you!”

Three days later Hermione found herself in the middle of a bustling crowd of commuters making their way through Heathrow Airport. As she walked, her arm linked with Arthur’s to keep him from wandering off, she looked at the tickets in her hand to match them with the boarding gate to their right. “Right, here’s the gate! Flight is due to board in an hour,” she said as she located three open seats near the gate for them to sit at. Seeing the whimsy in Arthur’s eyes though, Hermione sent a glance to George and asked, “Do you mind watching the bags? I think we might swing by a gift shop.”

“I don’t mind,” George replied with a nod, sitting down in the slightly uncomfortable chair. As he watched Hermione scurry off after his dad, George sighed and pulled out a book he had found himself reading a lot since Fred had died. It was your copy of The Outsiders that was heavily annotated by you, but now had some of George’s sloppy scrawl within the margins as well. 

George got so lost in the pages that he didn’t realise that the wait time had passed and his travelling companions had still not returned. “Flight 606 flying from Heathrow to JFK is now boarding. Please find your boarding group and begin boarding when instructed,” came a kind voice over a speaker as people all around George began to stand and look at their tickets. 

Closing his book and starting to look around, George let out a quiet sigh of relief when he saw his dad and Hermione approaching, the former with the widest smile on his face as he pulled something off from around his neck, telling George, “Would you look at this son! A pillow that wraps around your neck! The things Muggles dream up!”

A quiet huff of laughter left George’s lips before he asked, “Planning on sleeping through the flight?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it!” he replied, a giddiness in his voice as the three of them picked up their bags and Hermione guided them in the direction of their boarding group. 

After making their way to their designated seats and getting settled in, Hermione handed both George and Arthur a piece of gum each, saying, “When the plane takes off, the change in cabin pressure will make your ears pop. This should alleviate that.”

“Bubblicious bubble gum, why, George, is this a product from the shop?” Arthur asked, leaning forward to look at his son over Hermione who sat between them. 

“No, it’s a Muggle product,” George replied. A small smile graced his lips before he told him it was your favourite, adding, “One time she blew a bubble so big that I was convinced it was at least from Honeydukes.”

Right after the short conversation ended, the flight attendants began performing their safety procedure teaching for the flight’s occupants. Arthur was completely enthralled by the man’s words and demonstrations as he watched with rapt attention. George wasn’t paying much attention though as the flight attendant spoke. Instead his mind began to wander to you - what you may be up to, how you may have been spending your time in New York, and how he felt like he may be about to completely uproot your new life…

“You okay?” came Hermione’s gentle voice as she lightly squeezed his hand that had begun to drum against the armrest between them as his anxiety began to climb. 

“Brilliant,” he replied quietly in a flat sort of tone, avoiding eye contact as he once more pulled out your book to distract himself. 

“Everything’s going to work out,” Hermione told him, offering a small smile before she too grabbed a book out of her bag. 

George’s concentration was grabbed a few minutes later when the plane began moving down the runway and his dad opened up the sliding window cover.  As he looked out, the expression on his face reminded George of kids looking into the window of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. George watched out the window as he opened up his piece of gum and began chewing it as the plane started to gain speed. “How fast are we going?” Arthur asked giddily as he too began to chew his gum. 

Hermione glanced up at the screen that was embedded into the back of the seat in front of her, informing him, “Around 290 kilometres per hour.”

“Fantastic!” Mr. Weasley breathed. His hands gripped the arms of his chair as suddenly they felt a sense of weightlessness when the plane’s wheels left the ground. After a few uncomfortable minutes that George would almost compare to his first time apparating without the intense compression, the flight attendant announced that they were at cruising altitude and that they would be landing in just over seven hours. “How fast are we going now?”

Hermione couldn’t help the small smile on her lips as she told him, “Around 900 kilometres per hour.”

“Muggles are so brilliant!” Arthur mused before relaxing into his seat, his pillow sung around his neck as he watched the clouds pass around the plane. 

“Why Poughkeepsie?” Hermione asked George as the three of them rode the train from New York City to their destination. 

“It seemed easy enough to remember, fun name too,” George replied as he looked out over the water to the left of the train. He was lost in thought as he looked out on the river, and Hermione could tell that he needed the space, so she dropped the conversation for the moment.

It was roughly an hour and a half before the train got to the end of the line in Poughkeepsie and the passengers all got up and stretched their weary bodies before filing out into the crisp winter air. Hermione had been developing a plan on the way there, so once they were out, she took a glance at her phone's screen and began walking in a direction, leaving George and Arthur to simply follow behind her.

“Excuse me,” Hermione said to get the attention of some patrons of the destination she had put into her phone's GPS. It was a pub that she had seen online posts about your parents singing at, so she thought it would be a good starting point. She said your mum’s name and then asked, “Do you happen to know her?” 

While the bartender didn’t answer immediately, a patron a few seats down called out your mum’s name in a question. “Yes, that’s her,” Hermione replied while turning her attention toward the older woman. “We’re friends from London and we didn’t know what neighbourhood they ended up in around here. See, we want to surprise them, and asking for an address would sort of spoil that wouldn’t it?”

“You’re right there,” she replied with a quiet chuckle. “She and her husband play here pretty regularly when we have live music. They’re good people. Live three houses down from me actually, just a few blocks away. Real pretty house they’re renting. Sky blue with a bright red door, can’t miss it.”

“Isn’t their daughter working in the Kitchen tonight?” the person beside her asked, making George perk up.

“She works here?” he asked, his eyes darting toward where he assumed the kitchen was behind the bar. 

The man chuckled before shaking his head and replying, “No, no, sorry you aren’t from around here. By the Kitchen I mean Hell’s Kitchen. It’s a neighbourhood in the city. She works at one of those restaurants where Broadway calibre singers perform while they wait tables. She’s damn good at it too.”

“That’s right!” the woman said, lightly tapping her forehead for her lapse in memory. “Your timing isn’t too great actually, the whole family’s gone to the city right now. The girl’s got a few performances at her school starting tomorrow night.” She turned to her partner and asked, “What musical were they doing again?”

“Newsies!” he replied after a few seconds of thinking. “If you three wanna catch them, I’d say that’s your best bet. Tickets go fast though, even for college shows, so I’d get going on that if you’d want to surprise them there.”

“That’s actually a great idea, thank you very much!” Hermione told them graciously, making sure to get the information they needed about your school’s play before leading the two red-headed men out of the pub. 

Without a word further, Hermione pulled out her cell phone and began typing away at the little screen while making a bee-line back toward the train station with Arthur and George hot on her heels. “We just got off the train, ‘Mione, why are we getting back on?��� George asked, his eyebrows furrowed. The flight had surprisingly worn him out and his body was sore from sitting in that uncomfortable seat for so long. That, combined with the mental strain he had been through, George simply wanted to find a hotel and go to bed despite it barely being afternoon.

“I just got us on the waitlist for the restaurant she works at. If we get on the train soon we should be able to make it on time,” Hermione replied simply as she showed him the screen. “And now…” she said after handing the ticket person behind the glass window the proper amount of money for train tickets back to the city, “I got us three tickets to the show she’s performing in!”

“Hermione, don’t you think-” George tried to say, but was cut off. 

“I think what you’re trying to say is ‘Thank you,’” she told him matter-of-factly as the three waited for the train once more. 

“I just… What if…” George started, unsure how to end his sentence as his mind once again drifted off toward where his subconscious had liked to take him ever since you left: seeing you with a mystery man and moving on from him and the future he pictured with you. The future that sometimes he felt was the only thing keeping him afloat. “I don’t want to mess this up… If I see her happy there…”

“You’ll feel conflicted about what to do,” Arthur said, nodding solemnly at his son as he rubbed his shoulders. 

“Exactly. I just feel like if we restore her memories it’ll ruin everything she’s built here. And her happiness is what matters,” George said, looking down at the cracked concrete beneath his shoes. 

“You can’t make that decision for her though,” Hermione said. “Once their memories are restored they can decide what they want to do. But it isn’t fair for you to suffer like this and it isn’t fair for them to live the rest of their lives with missing memories when they’re so easily restored.”

A train horn blared as it pulled into the station and its occupants exited before the three of them made their way on and into seats once more. Arthur smiled softly at his son before telling him, “I bet seeing her tonight will pull you right out of that head of yours.”

And boy was he right. They hadn’t been lucky enough to get you as a server, but the moment they were seated and you made your first appearance singing the song She Used to be Mine from a musical called Waitress, George practically felt his heart swell in his chest. Feelings of love filled him, but also sadness and heartache for everything that happened in the last two years. 

Those feelings of sadness soon lifted though when throughout the meal you ventured all over the restaurant between serving your tables, belting out songs you would sing in the shower back home. With those memories flooding his mind, George finally cracked a small smile as a different feeling took over. A feeling of longing. Longing for you in his arms. To feel your gentle touch and hear your comforting words. To laugh with you. To hear wedding bells as you stood across from each other and vowed to spend the rest of your lives together. To hear little footsteps running up and down the steps at the shop a few years down the line. To just be with you. So as the meal closed out and the entire wait staff sang You Will Be Found from Dear Evan Hansen, George found himself holding back tears while he, along with the rest of the restaurant’s guests, applauded the performers. 

Hermione’s words from earlier rang in his ear as they exited the restaurant and made their way to somewhere to stay for the night, but George knew that no matter what decision you made when your memories were restored, he would be right there by your side. If that meant moving the shop to New York then so be it. All George knew was that you were the puzzle piece he needed. Even though that puzzle would never truly be complete without his twin, if he at least had you by his side, he could be held together again.

The plan was to meet up with your family after the show the next evening, and Arthur would lift the memory enchantment he placed on you all. During the show, George’s confidence in Hermione’s assurance that you hadn’t moved on wavered as he watched you on stage playing Katherine falling in love with Jack. Those feelings of jealousy retreated the moment they snuck backstage and heard you arguing with the same guy in question, telling him, “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again Dalton, this is on stage only! I have no interest in you off stage!”

“Oh come on Doll, you know I could show you a good time! You loved tonight’s kiss!” Dalton said, his hands snaking their way to your waist as he tried to pull you into another kiss. 

At the sight, George had had enough, so as he advanced toward you two, he called, “Oi mate, she said to back off!”

“Lover’s quarrel, back off pal,” the sleazy guy said with a smirk as he pulled you closer. 

“Get your hands off of me,” you said in a low voice as you struggled in Dalton’s arms. 

“Oh come on baby, you know you-” he said, but before he could finish his sentence, he was grasping at his nose as his bogeys began flying out. In the shape of bats to be exact. “What the-?” he shouted with a start before abruptly separating himself from you and running off. 

When he was gone was when you finally looked up to see who had gotten Dalton off of you. You hadn’t recognized the voice as someone from the company, but knew you had heard it somewhere before. Looking up, you saw a tall ginger man who was dressed rather handsomely in a purple coat, something not too conventional, but he made it work. There was something so familiar about his soft eyes and smile but you couldn’t quite put a finger on where you had seen him before… 

“Thank you,” you told him after you realised you were staring for longer than you probably should have been. “I’m not sure if he was trying to stay in character for audience members or what but… Thank you for the save.”

Before George could reply or Hermione or his father could scold him for using his magic so brazenly, you all heard another pair of familiar voices enter the doorway behind you. “You did amazing tonight, sweetheart!” your mum praised you as she took you in her arms and into a bone crushing hug. 

“All that rehearsal time paid off!” your dad told you with a smile as he presented you with a small bouquet of flowers. He turned his attention toward George, Hermione, and Arthur before asking, “And who may these three be?”

“Old friends from London,” Arthur told him, stepping forward and slipping his hand into his Muggle approved coat where he was storing his wand. “I need the three of you to stay very still for a short moment if you don’t mind. And Hermione, George, please make sure no one else is around.”

“No one else is around-” your dad started, his eyebrows furrowing as he saw the older man reach into his coat. “Hey what do you think you’re-?” But before he could finish his sentence, Arthur had already taken out his wand and waved it, effectively lifting the memory enchantment he had placed on your family. 

“George?” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion as everything came flooding back to you all at once. Your first time meeting George at Regent’s Park, all of your dates since, discovering that he was a wizard, the magical majesty of the Burrow and the horde of red headed witches and wizards who occupied it, every magical spell you had witnessed and every potion you had drank, the magical joke shop, and everything in between. On top of the good though, you also remembered the fact that there was a Wizarding war going on, how there were laws prohibiting your relationship and that you ended up in New York to save your family from the wrath of Dark wizards, as well as how you were tortured by an Unforgivable Curse that wracked your entire body with pain mere days before you left. And now George was standing in front of you with tears in his eyes as he held out his arms in an offer to hold you for the first time in… Wow, sixteen months…

Without a further thought, you closed the space separating you two, and George pulled you into the most bone-crushing hug he had ever given you. His body rattled with emotion as he cried into your hair, some of the weight of the last sixteen months lifting off his shoulders. “I missed you so much…” George managed to choke out as you rubbed soothing circles onto his back. 

After the two of you separated from your embrace, you leaned up to kiss George on the cheek before asking, “So is it over? The war?”

“Yes,” Hermione answered from her place behind George. “Harry finished off You-Know-Who and things have slowly been going back to some semblance of normal.”

“That’s good to hear!” you said, a wide smile on your face. You thought for a moment before asking, “So then if everything’s over and you all are here, then that means…?”

“That means there is a lot to discuss about next steps,” Arthur said as he placed his wand back into his coat as a nearby door opened and a few cast members ambled through the backstage area. 

“That there is,” your mum said thoughtfully. “There’s still a whole weekend of shows ahead of us though, so can we table the subject for later?”

“Yes, we don’t want to rush anything,” Arthur agreed with a nod. 

He glanced over toward you and George before turning to walk out of the room with your dad, your mum, and Hermione, the former of which asked, “So about that last conversation we had before we left about magic being real…”

As you and George followed loosely behind, George pulled out his wand and produced a bouquet of your favourite flowers before telling you, “Your performance was outstanding tonight. You got one of your dream roles yeah?”

“That I did!” you beamed, graciously taking the wonderful smelling flowers from George with a loving smile. You took his hand with your free one and said, “I bet with the war over business is booming at the shop! Where is Fred anyways, I’d have thought you would have brought him with you. Especially to New York of all places, it’s a great place for a ladies man like him!” 

When you said those words, George froze in place. He didn’t think about having to tell you about Fred… You, too, stopped abruptly when he did, your eyebrows lacing together as you asked, “Everything all right, love?” The floodgates opened once more as George shook his head, trying to wipe away his tears that he couldn't seem to stop at the mention of his brother. Sensing something was off, you quickly wrapped your arms around George and asked, “Did…did something happen to Fred…?”

George nodded rapidly, a choked sob escaping his throat before he managed to whisper, “He died… Death Eaters. Explosion… Wasn’t even there…”

“Oh my God…” you whispered, your voice breaking upon hearing the news as you pulled him impossibly tighter in your arms. “I am so, so sorry, George…” George didn’t know what else to say, so he simply let you hold him for a few minutes while you both mourned Fred silently in each other’s arms. 

When you both finally pulled away from each other, you coaxed George to lean down a bit to place a kiss to his forehead. He then pulled out his wand and used some magic to erase the evidence that you had both been crying before you both headed out the door to meet with the rest of the group. Many things were discussed on the train ride back to Poughkeepsie that night, mostly just catching both families up on what had happened since you all left London, but you all agreed to table the important talks for Monday after the show closed and the semester was finished for you. 

“Of course we’re moving back home!” you told George with a broad smile on your face as the two of you sat on your bed with your back pressed to his chest. George played with your hands absentmindedly as you talked, the left of which was once again sporting your engagement ring. 

“Really?” George asked, his movements halting at the news. 

“Yeah!” you replied, leaning over and turning your head to place a kiss to his cheek. 

“And that wouldn’t completely uproot everything you’ve clearly built while you’ve been here?” George asked hesitantly. 

“Absolutely not,” you replied quickly. Hermione had informed you about George’s growing insecurity about that exact sentiment, so it didn’t come as a total shock when he asked. “The connections I made while here will open up doors for me back home, they don’t end here in New York. One of my professors has been talking with some people over at the West End about me, actually, and I think that’ll be my in when we get back! Now, I still have to finish up my schooling, but it’s always good to have the connections!”

“Brilliant,” George said, a small smile creeping onto his features at the fact that he would have you back home with him. 

There was a knock at the door a few moments later followed by Mr. Weasley saying, “Come on now George, it’s time to start getting the house packed up!”

“I’ll get started in here!” George called back through the door as he and you disentangled yourselves from each other and stood up. 

While George took out his wand and summoned your luggage and some shipping boxes, you grabbed something off of your dresser and made your way to your bedroom door, excitedly calling out to Mr. Weasley as he walked down the hall, “Hey! I think I figured out how planes work!”

Mr. Weasley smiled with a sparkle of whimsy in his eye as he said, “That’s wonderful! Tell me all about it when we’re on the plane back!”

“Yes sir!” you told him before heading back to your room to help George with the finer details. 

When you emerged into your already nearly packed room, you sighed contentedly before commenting, “I love magic!”

“And I love you,” George told you while snaking his arms around your waist. 

“I love you,” you replied before leaning in for a tender kiss. It certainly wasn’t your first kiss since being reunited, but ever since your reunion, both you and George made an effort to make every single one count. Even with the war being over, there was never a guarantee for the next day, and George was determined to not let another loved one slip out of his grasp, not without them knowing how much he cared.

reunited and it feels so good! i hadn't written a lot of Hermione (like more than a few paragraphs at a time here and there) in a LONG time until this chapter, and honestly i forgot how fun she is to write! this reunion in the aftermath of the war was a super emotional one, but rest assured that the coming installments are SUPER fluffy to make up for all the angst i've been throwing your way as of late!

likes and comments are always appreciated! xo, brooke <3

as always, dividers by @firefly-graphics

taglist: @5starl1ght @v1ckycheesue @superduckmilkshake

[operationmorewhitecollar]

Shall we play a game?

Nope, not chess or Parchisi. And not even global thermonuclear war. (If you get that reference, you might just be as old as we are!) But no, none of those games are where we're headed. This year, we're hosting a good old-fashioned game of bingo!

That's right, since we're almost two weeks into the new year, we thought it might be time to roll out our new creative challenge, which will continue throughout 2024.

As always, we're in the market for any and all fan creations centered on White Collar, and this year, we're providing prompts in the form of mini bingo cards, with new prompt cards coming out quarterly. (Jan, April, July, October) If you want to play, just let us know (comment here, dm, however you want to get in touch), and we'll get you a card so you can get started!

Some details:

When we say "any and all fan creations," we mean it--let your creativity run wild and make whatever you want to make! Draw, write, paint, record a podcast, shoot a video, whatever your creative preference.

We're using a 4x4 card format, and there is a FREE space, so that means a total of 15 prompts for three months. Complete a line of prompts, get a bingo; complete the whole card during the quarter, and that, dear friends, is a blackout!

Much like our drabble prompts, the bingo prompts are pretty broad, and many (maybe most?) are only one word. They run the gamut from theme words to genre to story length and beyond. (Not to worry if you're making art or some other non-written creations; we've got provisions for swapping prompts.)

Prompts were randomized to create the cards, and the card numbers were randomized to create the distribution order, so the prompts you end up with are strictly luck.

Okay, that's probably the most important stuff to know, except, of course, that we hope lots of you will join in and that everyone has tons of fun creating new White Collar stuff, because we're sure going to have fun seeing whatever you make!

So whenever you're ready, shall we play a game?

(We'll put a few more detailed FAQ items below the cut, but if you've got questions we didn't think of, just let us know and we'll make up an answer.😉)

Q: What can my entries be? A: Any type of creation you choose. fic, art, blog post, essay, cross-stitch, we're not picky. Interpret the prompts any way you like, in any genre, any relationship, any rating, any characters, you get the idea. (Unless, of course, the prompt is more specific.) As long as it's White Collar, it's fair game.

Q: Where do we share our work/how will you know we made something or got a bingo? A: First, put your creations somewhere we can see them! There'll be a collection on AO3 where most types of work can be shared. (We're debating if it's better to have just one collection for the year or one for each quarter; if you've got any opinions on that, feel free to weigh in.) If you're sharing here or on other socials, be sure to @ us, and use #WhiteCollarBingo. But, while we'll be doing our best to keep up, we're hoping there will be so many entries we'll lose track, so definitely tell us if you completed a bingo!

Q: Can I make one story/picture/video/etc. for the whole card? A: You may use as many prompts as you like in each entry, but only 2 prompts per line may be counted toward a bingo. (So you will need at least two entries to achieve a single bingo, and though we may have miscounted, we think that means at least ten entries to make a blackout.)

Q: Are crossovers allowed? A: Yes (and may even be a prompt!), but White Collar should obviously be prevalent in your work.

Q: How long do I have to complete my entries? A: We'll be issuing new cards each quarter (Jan-March, April-June, July-Sept, Oct-December), and in a perfect world, we'd like to receive entries within that quarter. But you know we've never been sticklers for schedules, and the point is to encourage more White Collar creations, so we'll be glad to get them whenever you finish.

Q: What do I win when I bingo? A: Bragging rights, and your name on our (soon to be created) bingo accomplishments page.

Q: What if there are some prompts I really don't want to use, but I want to try for blackout? A: We will provide a max of two alternate prompts. (This max does not apply if you're making non-written creations and somehow ended up with a card full of writing-centric prompts.)

Q: What if I just can't work with the card I receive at all? A: We'll exchange your card one time. Part of the fun is stretching our creative muscles.

Q: If I exchange my card, will any previous entries count toward bingo on my new card? A: Nope. It's a fresh slate, so examine your card when you get it to decide if it works for you.

Q: If I complete my card, can I have another? A: Yep, and we'd be very impressed! (and happy!)

Q: Where did these prompts come from? A: Many suggestions from our followers, and we've been hunting and gathering, too. But we want to have lots of variety as the year rolls along, so please keep those suggestions rolling in.

Q: Can something I made for another challenge count toward a bingo prompt/Can I submit my work to more than one collection or challenge? A: As long as it's new work, and if the other challenge doesn't ask for exclusivity, bring it on! And frankly, we'd love to see more White Collar activity in multi-fandom spaces. Also, we'll surely be hosting other events throughout the year (at least Mozzie Mania and Caffrey-Burke Day), and you can certainly use a bingo prompt for any of those challenges as well.

[blubushie]

pig story ?

You're chosen the [DEATH BY EXSANGUINATION FROM PIG GORING] route!

A TALE OF PIGS

Warning for: graphic description of exsanguination (bleeding out), what goes through your head while you're bleeding out, and descriptions of stabbing a living animal.

27 December, 2021. Two days after Christmas. I was in northern WA and made camp near Wunaamin after travelling the bush tracks for a while.

If you know me well enough, then you know I don't lose my temper except in very specific scenarios. I cop a lotta shit because the outback's Just Like That and it's worse if you've got some easily identifiable characteristic for people to hang shit on you. For example: I am short. I get called "shrimp" and "prawn" a lot. Short stack. Sawed-off. Nipper. Lad. This is a normal thing for me. I don't let it get to me. People commenting on my heights hurts--a lot--because it's due to my medical condition and it's not something I can change. I didn't ask to be born short. But here I am. I try not to let it get to me. But there's one term what does get to me.

"Poacher."

Little fact about me: I am a staunch conservationist. I donate to WWF. I've done work with biologists up in Kakadu to help survey croc populations for conservation. I love nature and hunting and animals. (If you didn't know, the majority of hunters are also staunch conservationists.) I've wanted to trophy hunt Africa for the longest while because not only do you get a trophy, but the programs are run by local wildlife conversation, they only let you hunt certain animals, the meat feeds the local people, and the money you pay them goes directly back into conservation for the animals.

AND I FUCKING HATE POACHERS.

They give people like me a bad name. I have a job. I have licences I have to qualify for. Everything I do is legal. So the only word that instantly gets me into the mood for a fight is being called a fucking poacher. And sometimes that gets me in trouble, because I'll go to great lengths to stay within the law when it comes to hunting animals. Sometimes to my own detriment.

Which is how our story starts.

You can't hunt Crown Land in WA. Most other states you can. All other states you can, I reckon, with a licence. But not fucking WA. WA is like the California of Australia. Insane firearms laws. It's bollocks. You can only hunt feral animals on private property with the owner's permission.

I boondocked, as I usually do, and wandered off into the bush, as I usually do. And pigs are big up there. Everything's bigger further north you go. Something in the water maybe. I blame Ngalmudj. So I make camp. And it's late in the night and I've always been a light sleeper, and I hear this snort. The sound a buck makes. Almost a whistle. An exhale. Sharp.

When I sleep in the bush I don't move. That and trees are the only time I sleep completely still. I sleep on my back. And I sleep with my rifle in the bush. Butt tucked into my right armpit, right hand under the forestock, so if there's an emergency I can lift her up with that hand and shoulder her. And it keeps my left hand free for my knife.

I sat up, shouldered Winnie, and aimed her where I heard the sound.

Unless you've got infrared it's impossible to hunt pigs at night. Cuz pigs are like us--they don't have a tapetum and can't see in the dark. There's no eyeshine, like us. So you can't aim for eyeshine. That pig saw me bout as well as I saw it. Which wasn't much at all, in the dark. And I had maybe three seconds to make a decision. I saw it turn toward me.

My first few months in Australia were spent waiting for approval for my firearms licence. And you can't hunt pigs on Crown land. And I was on Crown land. Breaking that law wouldn't just get my hunting licence revoked, but my firearms licence too. They would confiscate Winnie, and by law since was used in a crime she would be destroyed after the case ended, whether I was found guilty or innocent.

I panicked.

I didn't shoot.

Next thing I know I'm on my back and the pig's on top of me, and I get this sharp pain in my side and I think he's just scraped me with a hoof or something. But I also know he's trying to kill me, because he's making that sound what pigs make when they charge dogs. Luckily for me he didn't aim well, probably cuz of the dark.

I fumble for my knife, get it out, and I stab it down into his neck. He goes from roaring to squealing, that sound domestic piglets make when you pick them up. I do it again. I don't know how many times I stabbed him but he wouldn't fucking die. I pull the knife out and adjust it. Slam it as close to his spine as I can get it. He pulls off me and topples me over. Bolts. With my fucking knife still in him.

I grab my rifle. I'm leading him by the sound of his squeals. Miss. Miss. Then I hit him. He's still squealing but he's not getting any farther. I run up to him and put another bullet in the side of his head and that time he stops squealing. I get my knife back. And I catch my breath. And I realise I'm wet. Thought it was him, but I look down and there's a hole in my shirt, and I kinda poke at it because I'm still high on the adrenaline and not feeling much else, and I realise the hole goes through my shirt. And my undershirt. And my skin.

And that's not good.

And then the panic starts to set in. Rest in peace Blu, 2001-2021, killed by a fucking pig.

I read books and shit growing up, right? Murder novels and shit. But nobody ever discusses what hypovolemia actually feels like. Or how much abdominal trauma bleeds. And I'm making a two and a half hour drive in 2 hours, I'm pushing Matilda as fast as she can go, I'm talking 125kmh down a bush track, I've got blood all over the inside of the cabin and I'm trying to keep pressure and you can't put a tourniquet on a fucking torso.

And I'm just... covered in blood.

Tiller's all sticky, because people never mention how sticky blood gets in that quantity. My fingertips are going blue. They're numb. My lips go numb the same way pineapple makes them go numb. And I recognise it, because my dad was a Marine, and he's told me stories of what people look like when they're bleeding out, and I have an epiphany of the very real fact that I am actively dying.

And you hear the obvious things, right? Obvious symptoms of shock. Got a copy of Grey's Anatomy, got a trauma kit with directions. Cold skin. Clammy. Weakness. Pallor. Increased respiration. Sweating. Tachycardia. Confusion. Don't have that yet. What road sign was that? My vision's fuzzy. Delirium. Heh, what're the chances I pass an ambo with O blood out here?

I'm tired. Maybe if I pull over and have a kip I'll wake up fine. Maybe it's just a bad dream. Just a bad dream. Just a bad dream. Why aren't you waking up?

And I used to think it was cheesy in movies. When someone's shot and dying and they say they're cold. You're in the middle of Texas, partner, what're you cold for?

I felt very cold.

Start of summer, it's the middle of the night, steady 25c, I'm sweating like a whore in church, and I felt very fucking cold.

They don't tell you about the trembling. Or how dry your mouth gets. Or the pins and needles that start in your fingers and then your toes and move up until everything in your body's numb except whatever you're bleeding out of. And the one symptom no one ever talks about is that dread. Hypovolemic shock's tell-tale symptoms is a sense of impending doom. I think that's one helluva understatement to whatever I felt.

But when the dread passes there's this weird sense of calmness. It's an acceptance. Last boost of adrenaline in a dying heart or something. Just calm. Like the eye of a cyclone. I don't remember pulling into the carpark. One minute I was on the road trying to ring my mum and the next I'm waking up in a hospital bed with three stitches and feeling like I was hit by a truck.

I ended up fine. They gave me O- blood. I was out of hospital in 3 days, much to their displeasure. On the plus side I was complimented on my quick thinking because I shoved a tampon into the hole before I made the drive, which stemmed some of the bleeding. That and keeping pressure. So here's your reminder to keep tampons in case of penetrating trauma, and to always donate blood because you never know what dumb bastard you might be saving by doing it.

Also uh, don't give a shit about what people say about you. Shoot a pig that attacks you, don't freeze up about it because of your own convictions about morality and the law. Your life's more important. Better judged by twelve than carried by six, or whatever the saying is.

[blood-darkened-moon]

Isolation

Chapter 1

December 12

What do you actually write in a diary? I guess I just write whatever comes into my mind.

My name is Samantha Blair, and I’ve been stationed at the Aurora Research Facility for about a month now. This place will be my home for roughly the next 11 months. I graduated two years ago with a PhD in chemistry. This is my new job. It wasn’t easy to get it. After all, there are only a few positions available in this facility. There are 12 of us in total, and my job is to analyze ice and soil samples. It’s summer here at the moment. The sun doesn’t set this close to the South Pole any more, and at night it only gets a bit dusky, which, admittedly, bothers me more than I thought it would. Doug* gave me this journal “so I won’t lose track of time.” I wonder if that will help. At least I can try.

*Douglas Garry, station leader

December 13

Nothing interesting. After breakfast, I set about sorting the samples from the last research team and finding out which of them still needed to be analyzed and which didn’t. So the same thing I’ve been doing for over a week now. What were they thinking? “We’ll be gone soon anyway, let the next team take care of it?” After me, the deluge. Typical. Half of the samples are not properly labeled, and even for those that are, it takes forever to find out what has already been done with them. It’s all in the lab books, my ass. I can hardly do anything with the cryptic notes there if I manage to decipher the handwriting at all. On top of that, I have to pick the measurement data out of disorganized piles of paper. It was all planned differently. They were actually supposed to measure their own stuff, but towards the end of their stay, one device after another broke down. The devices are working again. Now, we’re supposed to carry out these measurements first and send them the results.

December 14

Sorting samples, searching for corresponding measurement data. Nothing new. Jeff gave me a new drill core. At least I was able to take a few measurements today.

*Jeffrey Norris, geologist

December 15

As I was going about my usual business, John* arrived and said that we were going to be hit by a heavy snowstorm in the next few days. According to the weather data, the storm will last for several days, maybe even weeks. We have to prepare the station. So we spent the whole day outside moving equipment into storage rooms or fixating it. I’m still freezing.

*John Bennings, meteorologist

December 16

Dark clouds have gathered. After so many days of sunshine, the darkness, if you can call it that, is a welcome change.

December 17

It’s been snowing since last night, and the snowfall is getting heavier, although it will be another 2-3 days before it really starts. David* expressed concerns about the dogs, but Marcus** said they don’t mind the little bit of snow. Quite the opposite. Huskies love this weather. Marcus looks after the dogs. He will know best. When I think about it, it occurs to me that we are probably one of the only stations left that still uses dog sleds. We also have snowmobiles, but Marcus always says the dogs are more reliable.

Later, we decided who should clear the paths and when. The work should continue if possible. However, if the storm gets too bad, the research buildings will remain closed until it subsides.

*David Palmer, technical chief

**Marcus Clark, responsible for the dogs, thermal engineering, welding work

December 18

The howling of the wind gets stronger and stronger. Eerie. I have hardly slept a wink. At least I’m slowly making progress with the samples.

December 19

I spent half the day clearing paths. It is a Sisyphean task. As soon as I was finished, I had to start all over because everything was covered in snow again. And the worst is yet to come. If it goes on like this, I can forget about work for a while.

December 20

Jeff was on clearing duty today. He also said there was no point. After dinner, we agreed that we would only clear the paths to the important buildings, everything else would have to wait until the storm subsided. At least the dogs are having fun. And Lena. She built a giant snowman. Lena Fuchs is still a student and the youngest of our team, and you can tell. When I see her so carefree, I sometimes think I’m getting old...

The fact that Lena is here is not a matter of course. Normally, students are not accepted for research stays. However, Lena has excellent grades, so she was selected regardless of the usual rules. At least, that’s the official reason. For those who believe it. Her father just happens to have a lot of political influence and a ton of money. It would be a true miracle if he hadn’t set the whole thing up.

She’s supposed to help me with the measurements, but that will have to wait until the samples are sorted and the storm calmed down. In the first few weeks, however, I had already shown her how to operate the measurement devices. To pass the time, I’ve now given her a pile of papers to read.

December 21

We have a visitor. The last thing you expect at the South Pole in the middle of a snowstorm is a visitor. Her name is Veronica Edwards. She is British and works at the Umbrella facility nearby. She says she is a senior researcher. There’s been a virus outbreak. She hasn’t said what kind of virus it is, only that it’s not airborne and that the likelihood of her being infected is low. In general, she kept a rather low profile. However, she said that under the circumstances she cannot stay in the Umbrella facility. If she is infected with something, we can’t let her roam around freely, but not helping her is not an option either, so we put her in quarantine. Actually, that was her suggestion. Isaac* has prepared a room in the northeast storage building for the purpose. She waited in the snowmobile she came in. The building is quite large, and it also has a shower room and restrooms. Additionally, the supply in the northeastern storage building is largely separated from the other buildings, and we can lock an area from the outside. That could work. It was supposed to be modified into another research building this summer, but the modification has been postponed for another year or so. However, it has already been largely emptied. She said two weeks of quarantine would be enough. For the time being, only Isaac and Harry** will look after her. Isaac is our doctor. Harry has volunteered. They will stay away from the rest of us to minimize the risk of a virus outbreak during that time. In case of an emergency, they have walkie-talkies.

We have offered to contact Umbrella and tell them what happened, but Dr. Edwards said she had done that before she left the Umbrella facility. They’ll send people as soon as the storm subsides. If they’re taking so long, that must mean it’s not that bad, right? Or that it’s already too late, and there’s nothing they can do anyway. Shit. We’re not prepared for incidents like this.

* Dr. Isaac Copper physician, and by necessity veterinarian

** Harold Childs vehicle mechanic

December 21 Addendum I

I have to distract myself from the thought that the woman might have infected us all with some deadly virus. And I forgot to write that our new arrival is rather strange. She was at least wearing a jacket, but underneath, she had only put on a long purple dress, high-heeled shoes, and white velvet gloves. The clothes looked anything but cheap. She looked more like she wanted to go to a gala than work in a research laboratory. Who walks around like that in Antarctica? Well, maybe she wasn’t on duty when the outbreak happened. That would also explain why she managed to escape and, according to her own statement, is probably not infected. But even as casual wear, her outfit looks pretty bizarre in a place like this.

She had to wait quite a long time in the snowmobile until the provisional quarantine was ready. Wasn’t she cold in her thin clothes? She didn’t complain. And I couldn’t see any signs that she was freezing either. Admittedly, I kept a safe distance. Speaking of snowmobiles, judging by the tracks, she was driving as if she was drunk and almost crashed into one of the buildings. Can she just not drive, or are these signs that she’s not feeling well? A fever, perhaps?

Also, I remembered Doug mentioning in the first or second week that Umbrella isn’t even doing research at the facility anymore. It’s supposed to be a materials storage facility or something like that. Well, Dr. Edwards claims she is a researcher there. I’ll ask Doug about the facility again when I get a chance.

December 21 Addendum II

Nicole*** wanted to contact AAD and ask how we should proceed with Dr. Edwards. However, due to the storm, there is currently no way through with our communication system. Always at the best possible time, of course! At least it’s not broken. Nicole has checked it. In a few days, the storm should ease a little, although not stop. She’ll try again then. Until then, we’re on our own. As old as the communication system is, I’m not surprised that it doesn’t work currently. It probably dates back to when the station was founded in the 70s.

***Nicole Windows, telecommunications, electronics, computers

AAD = Australian Antarctic Division

Next→

[foxes-that-run]

Midnights is the break up album

In the above interview with Zane Lowe Taylor talks about Happiness and how it is about ending a long term life changing relationship. Taylor said it was the last song for Evermore, and started relating to friendship. Toward the end she switches to speak in the first person. That was in December 2020, 1.5 years before Midnights. After that we saw Joe very little.

The concept of the album was a series of midnight thoughts throughout Taylor’s life, which many tracks are, however there is an element of viewing the downfall of this relationship through them. I think Taylor didn't want to make the announcement through a publicist but through her lyrics on Midnights.

Question, Glitch and SOTB are plain wishing she was with an ex

Bejeweled is remembering when CH didn’t value her love, reflecting that she also also bored and under appreciated in her current relationship

Midnight rain is possibly the toughest, it’s reflecting on a relationship she let go for fame

Dear reader is a statement that she is not who her fans think because the happy in love narrative is not her experience

Taylor stopped liking Joe's IG posts 11 May 2022, he didn’t attend her NYU doctorate ceremony on the 18th May 2022, midnights was released in October and the break up announced the following April after the Eras tour had started.

A relationship having ended would not have been announced in real time ahead of a world tour and new album. Us knowing is a secondary challenge to actually going through the break up. What I wonder about is why was Invisible String ever on the setlist, was it there to be removed when it went public?

Taylor stopped liking his IG posts 11 May 2022

Taylor also went from always liking Joe’s IG posts to stopping between 27 April and 11 May 2022, she hasn’t liked one since:

So when?

Taylor may share one day. But to me this lyric in Stop you're losing me hints at the point she realised it was over:

Fighting in only your army Frontlines, don't you ignore me I'm the best thing at this party(You're losin' me)

Taylor is the best thing at most parties, but after showing up at the Golden Globes and wrap parties for a not great TV series for Joe he made some not great (or not at all) showings at big events for her:

2020

25 November - In the Long Pond Session Taylor said Joe was William Bowery

16 December - Taylor said to Zane Lowe that Happiness is about ending a long term relationship, she switched to first person

2021

15 March - Grammy's Joe had never come & it was COVID limited, but he won a Grammy for *Album of the year* & I'd say she has the pull for a ticket for a producer of it

April - Folklore credits update to add Joe as producer on 6 songs, including 3 William Bowery wrote, Grammy eligible. No credits for midnights and evermore.

12 May - Taylor was honored with a Global Icon award but Joe left to film in Belfast the week before. Harry also at Brits and won.

21 August - Joe actually seen with Taylor

14 September - Taylor seen in ireland, seen at conversations with friends cast party

14 November - Blake, Ryan, Sophie & Selena join Taylor at the SNL All to Well launch party. Joe A was filming in Panama.

2022

27 March - They went to the Vanity Fair Oscars pre-party, but Taylor skipped the 2022 Grammy's, Brit Awards and Oscars. It's interesting that the only photos of Taylor are of getting out of the car with Joe squinting, they bypassed the press line.

11 May Taylor stopped liking Joes IG posts

18 May - Taylor receives an honorary doctorate from NYU, while not a party it is a massive deal. In her speech she smiled at a particular part of the audience when she referenced friends and family, but Joe was at a Rising Hollywood party in LA.

19 May - Joe on Kelly Clarkson talking about William Bowery

31 August - VMAs afterparty - Joe & Taylor's unglamourous run to a car. VMAs have been important to Taylor since 2009. She was on the cusp of winning the most VMAs ever, announced Midnights and All to Well won. I wonder if Midnights was already done though.

20 October - Midnights pap walk where Joe uses a coffee table book to shield his hand from being held.

2023

9 February - Grammy afterparty- Joe came to afterparty

31 March - The 1 replaces Invisible String.

8 April - break up announced said it occured 'weeks earlier'

[merrock]

As promised, there are a few pre-holiday things that I wanted to discuss with you guys this week, just so you know what is expected activity-wise through the end of the year, and some little things about keeping things festive, fresh and fun around here.

As this post might be a little bit lengthy, I am going to pop it under a cut, but please take a few minutes to read through things! xx

Firstly, although I don't have the exact dates in mind, this is a warning that we will have two more activity checks before the end of the year. One will be at the end of November / beginning of December, and one will be at the mid-month point before the holidays. The next check will be a full sweep: meaning we will look for inactive accounts, those not meeting three replies, and those who are not replying to three writers per character, nor replying to new open starters.

The mid-December check will likely just be checking for straight-up activity (inactive for two weeks: removal, inactive for one week: warning). We will not be doing a check at the end of December, but will instead be doing an interest check after the new year to allow you to make changes you need, drop characters you don't want, etc. This means that we will be toughening up and clean slating activity in the middle of January, once everyone is where they need to be. Those first couple of weeks of January should be used to do what you need to do to be meeting our rules and get back on track.

Please remember that we do not offer semi-hiatuses! It's the holidays, it's okay if you're not active every day; as long as you are able to do three replies within a two week period at any point, you are not going to lose your role, even if you might get a reminder/warning on check. We promise. If you need a hiatus, we do grant those for up to two weeks. If you speak to us personally and privately (meaning not a public OOC post, talk tags, etc.) about activity issues, we will be lenient and understanding as long as you are trying. That's all that we ask of anyone during busy times, is just that a little effort is made to be here, follow the rules, and have fun!

Not to be a meanie, but if you decide that this group is not for you, whether it just not be the perfect fit, or you simply do not have the time, please ask us for an unfollow. We absolutely never hold it against anyone! But this allows us to remain lenient while opening spots for new writers. You are always welcome to return!

As for my role as admin: I plan on maintaining rolling, daily acceptances during the holidays, and am hoping to be on daily to help with what you need. Please note that I will be having a hard "mod logs out" time at night of 10:00PM EST, with very few exceptions. And remember, just because I am online doing replies does not mean I am in mod mode -- I want to write and enjoy the holiday season with you guys, too! Please send things you need changed/updated to the ask box here on main, versus a message. Extend the same understanding and patience towards me when it comes to the holiday season and availability, is all that I ask!

Alright, past that! Let's talk a little bit about holidays in Merrock, in terms of our favorite Merrockites! As you may have noticed, we have lots of holiday fun coming up -- I recommend bookmarking our holiday guide post to keep track of everything and make it easy to plot with others around town! There should be something for everyone to do -- even those who don't celebrate specific holidays -- but we are also open to editing the post for other business owners or people who would like to offer things around town! Or even if you have ideas / suggestions. Just let us know.

We've had people ask in the past about holiday gift giving, and yes, we do allow that here! But we ask you to be considerate of dash spam. For example, if you want to give gifts to 10 friends, tag them all in one post, versus rapid fire posting 10 posts at once on dash. (It's okay to separate out a husband, a best friend, a sibling, etc.) I also want to make it clear: gifts are not mandatory. You're also welcome to post a tray of cookies and tag friends, or give out little ornaments, or just not do anything at all. We also don't want people to put so much priority into gifts that they're not active. We promise that no one will be offended if you don't have huge, elaborate gifts, or choose to focus on activity.

December and January are pretty 'in the books' for me as an admin; all of the events are drafted, announcements have been posted, birthdays and mini events are queued, so I will be taking care of site maintenance and mostly enjoying the holidays with you guys and doing my best to keep things active. I've put a lot of work into the holiday season, so please: take advantage! Post lots of open starters, reach out to those you don't normally plot with, spread love and warmth during this holiday season. xx

[televinita]

Am listening to Taylor Swift music again, and have been seized by the need to talk through some of her older albums -- favorite songs, personal history, whatever comes to mind. Maybe in yet another attempt to try and figure out my overall fave / ranking of them as a set? No real order is planned for this so I thought I’d start with this one, because I realized I actually hadn’t listened to it in quite some time.

(I don't really know what this mini-project is going to be but I’ve been noodling on it for a few nights and now seems as good a time as any to share.)

Background/Overview

When it was new -- and a 2010 Christmas present for me -- it was my favorite of the three, but now I'm not sure. The thing is that it has several songs I like better than the entirety of Fearless (except for #1 fave Change), but it also has a handful I find less interesting compared to that one’s “13 track listings, stars beside them all” success, and I can’t decide how to weight that. It does absolutely have the prettiest cover and booklet, though.

Songs

Ask me my favorite song on this album and I’ll say without hesitation Long Live. I don’t think that will ever change; it’s in my all-time-faves across her whole discography. The twin/companion piece to Change, it never fails to make my heart sing. It came out after I was an adult but it still makes me nostalgic and occasionally teary as hell for high school. Bonus association: this was my mental soundtrack for the end of Glee season 3 too (”for a moment, a band of thieves in ripped-up jeans got to rule the world").

Runner-up faves are Haunted, which really lives up to its name (Wuthering Heights-haunted style, maybe... between the electric guitar tearing open the scene and the chimes, the instrumentation is epic; this may be the only song that actually loses emotional impact as an acoustic/piano version), Better Than Revenge (which is my not-even-that-guilty pleasure and I will JAM OUT to it to this day; "no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity" is SAVAGE and I love it), and The Story of Us ("looks like a lot like a tragedy now" is one of my favorite quotes to bust out in episode reviews about ‘ship destruction, or was when I still did those), which is similarly jam-out-worthy. Ooh, and Sparks Fly is one of those songs where I'm like, "WHY wasn't this a single, it's so good." I’m actually always kind of surprised that one isn’t the album opener; “my mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea” is my anthem for giving shows/ships/characters/episodes way more chances than they deserve. (Grey’s Anatomy. We’re mostly talking about every time I dip back into the Grey’s Anatomy waters). In slow-songs-I-like territory: Enchanted, which is frankly too pretty for the person it’s actually about (but helpfully easy to apply to anyone and relevant to every listener’s life). And Back to December, which suffers rather unjustly from my knowing that it’s about The Boring Taylor, because I used to automatically skip it about half the time, yet every time I actually listen to it I'm shocked to realize it’s way prettier than I remember. Both musically (when male vocals...enhance?? a taylor song??) and lyrically.

As far as the other singles, I kind of killed Mine for myself with overplay, but I do think it's one of the strongest singles she's ever released...and as I’m listening to it now, I think it might be back! What good music, what a sweet scenario, and how much do I love the “brace myself for the goodbye / ‘cause that’s all I’ve ever known...” part.

Mean is fun and deservedly sassy, although it too is recovering from overplay (with the added demerit of being covered in the worst, least appealing possible way on Glee and feeling tainted forever. Once upon a time this was in my top 5 for the CD). Speak Now is fun too, but also...damn, so much more juvenile and mean-spirited to me now than Better Than Revenge. You don't help a dude ditch his bride at their wedding! If he shouldn't be marrying her you talk to him BEFORE THE CEREMONY???? I have definitely lost enchantment with this one over time.

One I don’t know how to feel about: I have to be in the right mood for the song so I don’t always let it play through, but as a late bloomer homebody and perpetual looker-backer, the second half of Never Grow Up really kicked me in the heart when I first heard it. I thankfully never ended up having to experience this, but "here I am in my / new apartment in the big city / they just dropped me off / it's so much colder than I thought it would be / so I tuck myself in, and turn the nightlight on" really described all my deepest fears about graduating from college and still brings a twinge at the mere thought.

On the downturn: unpopular opinion but while Dear John is full of great lyrics, it’s just so damned slow that I skip it almost every time. I’m really hoping it gets reinvigorated by a Taylor’s Version, because whenever I give it a chance, I just end up freshly disappointed by the wasted potential.

Innocent is slightly more compelling music-wise, but still rather slow and often skipped, not least because it just...feels weird. Uneven. There are some great lines and a good idea buried in here, but with its history and context it's so patronizing even when I’m on Taylor’s side that it ends up cringe.

Meanwhile, Last Kiss doesn't even exist to me. It covers the same criminal territory as Back to December but it's EVEN SLOWER. Bonus Tracks I didn't hear them until the end of 2012 and even then only as standalones on Spotify, separate from the album associations, I absolutely love all three, more than the last 5 or 6 above in fact. Ours is the companion piece / sequel to "Mine," If This Were A Movie is sweet, and Superman is so cute and catchy.

[sequencefairy]

As of this am, we have a statement from Cait, via their twitter:

[ transcription:

Dear friends, family, readers, fellow authors, and members of the publishing community,

Since June 2022 I've been fighting a losing battle against depression, alcoholism and substance abuse, the full scope of which I've hidden from everyone in my life out of shame and a misguided belief that with the right medicine or enough therapy, I could beat it.

In late November, 2023, I started a new medication, and on December 2nd, 2023, I suffered a complete psychological breakdown. During this time, I created roughly 6 profiles on Goodreads, and, along with 2 profiles I made during a similar but shorter breakdown in 2022, I boosted the rating of my book, bombed the ratings of several fellow debut authors, and left reviews that ranged from kind of mean to downright abusive.

Two of those authors--Molly X. Chang and Danielle Jensen--are fellow Del Rey authors. Kamilah Cole and Bethany Baptiste, just happened to be on the wrong Goodreads lists at the wrong time. I felt no ill will towards any of them, it was just my fear about how my book would be received running out of control. My memories of this are extremely fuzzy, so it's possible there are a couple of other authors. If so, please know I take full ownership of what I did to you as well. I'm sorrier than you'll ever know. There's nothing I can say to erase what I did to you.

When I was slapped on the wrist by Goodreads and vague-tweeted by a handful of people, I panicked that my secret was about to get out and rather than taking responsibility for my actions, I tried to cover my tracks. Still in the middle of this breakdown, I made up the world's sloppiest chat with a non-existent friend who was supposedly to blame, and sent fake apologies for the actions of said "friend", which only made things worse. I betrayed the confidence of my agent, my pub team, my readers, and my friends, and betrayed my own deeply held values.

I also dragged one of my dearest friends and fellow debut authors into the mud with me when she came to my defense. I'll leave her name out of this so as not to pull her in even deeper, however if she wishes to come forwards, I'll apologize to her publicly as well.

Let me be extremely clear: while I might not have been sober or of sound mind during this time, I accept responsibility for the pain and suffering I caused, and my delay in posting this is due to spending the last few days offline while going through withdrawal as I sobered up enough to be brutally honest with you and myself. No one ever wants to be judged by their worst actions, but theye not always up to us.

I'll be reaching out to everyone directly impacted, though that may take some time, since I'm checking into an intensive psychiatric care and rehab facility, which means I'll mostly be off social media, as I need to give 100% to the program if I want it to stick. All I can do going forward is to try to live my life in a way that shows you these aren't empty words.

Yours, with so much love and utmost heartbreak,

Cait Corrain

/end transcript]

Since this article was published, according to tweets from the parties involved, two of Corrain’s publishers have removed their book from their 2024 schedules, and Corrain’s agent has announced that she and her client are parting company.

[glassmarcus]

Picross^3

*Played throughout all of 2023, Written in December 2023

It’s Picross, but in 3D. Hal Laboratories 100% understood the assignment here because this is as exact as a 3D evolution can get. Those developers are just good at converting 2D mechanics into 3D ones if Kirby and the Forgotten Land is anything to go by. Picross 3D is 1 dimension more complicated, 1 dimension more satisfying, and at times, 1 dimension more frustrating.

The same core concepts of Picross are present. Each row follows its own rules of where squares can exist. By overlapping the rules between adjacent intersecting columns, you can figure out the nature of the puzzle little by little. Here there is just an extra axis applied, but you still end up only comparing columns and rows. You just end up doing it more times because you are essentially doing multiple Nonograms stacked on top of each and next to each other. The rules for the columns and rows are a bit stricter though, as having only a number of blocks as a rule would be too vague for it to work. Instead there are limits on how many segments of blocks are allowed. The point is, you're multiplying the amount of shit you keep track of by the depth added in Picross 3D. It feels wild at first, but solving some of these were the most satisfying Picross experiences I've had.

The reason for this isn't just the increased complexity, but the very nature of 3D. Nonograms always try to be some picture. But unless the silhouette of the image is strong, you won't have a clue what some of them are until they are colored in at the end. I never had that issue in Picross 3D while I've had that happen in even the best Picross games. I always knew what the art piece at the end was before the reveal because there is no abstraction of what the shape is. In 3D you are not painting, you are sculpting. You are given a large block to chip away at rather than constructing something from scratch. Form is the most important part of the product, so it is always clear.

The change from painting to sculpting also helps better describe the core of what I find Picross to be: Exclusion. In Picross, you find what can't possibly be colored in, so you know what has to be colored in. In 3D, you find what has to be intact so you can figure out what to get rid of. In both scenarios you are chipping away at impossibilities, but in 3D it's far more literal and completely skips the beginning phase in normal Picross of trying to place the initial building blocks yourself. You are pretty much doing the same thing, but it feels more direct here.

Now it being direct does not mean it's faster to get through these. Not all. In fact that's my main issue with Picross 3D. Things take too long to do, not because it's more complicated, but because you end up spending most of your time rotating and dissecting the initial block. I started to get Kid Icarus Uprising wrist pain playing through some of these time trials. The best advice I can give when playing this game is to not even attempt to get high ranks on these puzzles. It's veeeeery easy to mis-click a block and lose your perfect streak and trying to rotate your sculpture too fast will break either your DS screen or your hand. Also, don't be like me. Once you feel like you have mastered the logic of this game, stop and go to bed. Don't continue out of obligation. These later levels take 30+ minutes and there's a lot of them. Like even more than Mario Super Picross. Not quite as much as Hatsune Miku: Logic Paint S though. This game has a lot of content, so taking a break and coming back is recommended.

Honestly….I kinda want to play this game in VR. This is coming from someone who has sandbagged Virtual Reality at every turn. 99% of the time I’d rather just have a screen and a controller. But this left over 1% is where I think Picross 3D might fall into. I require intimate interaction with this 3 dimensional object and VR might be the best way to allow for that.

I can see myself returning for the sequel, but not going as hard with it as I did this game. But for now, I'll just stick with regular Picross. It's not as stimulating, but I sure can do a lot of them in the time it takes to do one 3D one.

[garaksapprentice]

New Year, (some) new Goals

This post was originally published on my blog here.

An Unnecessarily In-Depth Explanation of How I Set Yearly Goals

It's a new year, which means that for me, it's time for a new set of annual goals. (These are NOT resolutions. Resolutions are fuzzy and vague, usually cliché things like "lose weight" or "be happier" or "achieve world peace". Goals are things that you can actually aim at, and with enough practice, hit.)

I started formally setting and tracking yearly targets a few years ago, and while I won't call it the cure to all that ails me, it's certainly been a helpful practice. And hey, 'tis the season for everyone's "how I set goals" posts, so who am I to rock the boat?

The TL;DR

I usually start this process sometime in December, whenever the urge to wrap up the current year and look towards the new one starts to itch me. (Incidentally, this is almost the exact same process I use when doing monthly goals, just with less introspection/review.)

It goes something like this:

Review the areas of my life and how things went over the last year.

Review last year's goals - what I hit, what I didn't, what needed changing part way through the year when it became apparent I'd picked an over-ambitious target/something I didn't actually care about, that kind of thing.

Do a brain dump of all the things I want to do next year. Delegate them by life area.

Refine the brain dump over a few days, until I have a reasonable number of targets to aim for over the coming year.

Break those targets down into the things I'll need to do to actually reach the goal I'm aiming for.

Review Last Year

I'll be honest, sometimes I do this after I've worked out the shiny new goals for next year. But I always try to do some form of yearly review, even if it's just a short, half-assed version of the "ideal".

I currently use a (heavily simplified) version of the practice laid out in Alex Vermeer's 8,760 Hours Guide for this step. Finding Alex's guide to use as a springboard was extremely helpful for me. I'd tried doing yearly reviews before, but they never really "stuck" or felt like they were worth the time. For whatever reason, 8,760 Hours was the guide that worked for me.

That being said, I've modified the review framework (usually by removing things) every year I've used it. Alex's guide is super in-depth - he takes a full week to do his review, and he goes hard. While I like to think I'm that kind of person, I'm really not. Some of the review questions and Life Areas Alex uses aren't applicable to me, so I removed or combined things where it made sense. While I love complexity (the PKM scene is like pseudo-academic catnip to my dopamine receptors), at the end of the day I need simplicity - something that both On The Ball Me and Off With The Fairies Me can do.

In the (checks notes) four years I've been using his guide as a framework, I've reduced Alex's twelve life areas down to eight. I've also removed, modified, and combined a LOT of the questions in each Deep Dive. (I removed two more while I was doing this year's review, in fact.) My ultimate goal is to get it down to where I can complete the entire review in about a day, while still feeling like I got my money's worth from the time spent navel-gazing instead of eating gingerbread and knitting.

Brain Dump

Reviewing one's past actions is great and helpful and definitely a path to world peace or Ultimate Effectiveness or whatever, but for me, the brain dump is where the rubber hits the road. I always start my longer-term planning with a list of things I want to do, whether it's for the year or the month. It's essentially a real-life version of "What could happen next?", the question I ask myself whenever I'm running out of plot in my fiction work.

This question is designed to be a free-for-all. I don't let little things like the space-time continuum get in the way at first - it's just one big bullet list of things I've been dying to get to, things that have been bugging me that I want to fix, and usually a few things I feel obliged to add (because I know they're important, but I'm not really enthused about them). Most of the time I've got the first list version finished in ten to fifteen minutes.

(Sometimes there's one specific pile of stuff that's bugging me, making it hard to focus on grander things. (Usually it's the fact that the WIP pile has blown out again, or the house has reached an ill-defined but completely unacceptable level of disrepute. This year it was both.) When that happens, I brain dump all that first, in a separate list. That usually shuts up the brain weasels, and frees up enough mental RAM to get the bigger picture/longer term stuff down.)

Refine the Brain Dump

Once I've got everything down, I keep the list open on my computer and let it percolate for a few days. This lets my subconscious chew on it while I add, remove, and change things. This year's brain dump list ended up with 22 items. That's a typical number for me (the most I've had is 25, the least is 19.) Some are pretty modest, but most are things that will take a fair chunk of the year and my dedication to accomplish (as befits yearly goals).

I also work out which buckets/life areas things fit into - there's usually clear distinctions for most goals (writing, fibre arts, health and fitness etc). If there's lots of goals in one or two areas, and only a couple in others, then that's a pretty good clue about what my next year is going to focus on.

Next comes the hard part - triage.

The first triage step is trying to narrow my "I definitely want to do this thing" choices down as much as possible. This is hard. Everything on the big list is shiny and new and feels so important and urgent right now. That's why I keep the list open after I've made it - looking at it frequently, but not necessarily actively engaging with it, helps my subconscious start to pick favourites. Even so, I'm doing well if I've narrowed the list by half after the first pass.

The second triage step is working out how many of my goals are process-oriented, and how many are product-focused. Process goals involve doing a thing on a regular basis, or for a certain amount of time, every {time period}. Weave for 2.5 hours a week, go hiking twice a month, that sort of thing. They're heavily focused on small, consistent efforts over time, and they're intended to last the entire year.

Product goals require me to do/make a thing, or achieve a benchmark. They're things like "sew X new items for my wardrobe", "finish revising novel Y", "compete in/attend X event". Once that thing or benchmark has been reached, that goal is finished and I don't have to worry about it any more. While I still have to put in time and effort to get to the finish line, it can be much more focused than with a process goal - if I want, I can spend three straight days sewing a shirt, and then not think about my wardrobe goal for six months.

It's both very important and extremely tricky to get the balance of Process to Product right. Human brains LOVE habitual activity and consistency, but they can only deal with so much of it being piled into them at once. (This goes doubly if you're neurodivergent.) I've learned to tilt the balance pretty heavily towards Product when I'm writing my final list.

I try to only have one new process-oriented goal to focus on, at most. Any more than that, and I'm less likely to hit what I was aiming for. (Many of my process goals carry over in some form from year to year. For instance, I always have a word count goal, and some form of fibre-related goal.)

An example: last year, three of my goals were writing related - establish a consistent writing routine, publish at least one blog post a month, and finish revising a novel. The first two were process goals, the last one product-focused.

While I made good progress on all of them, and was happy to declare success based on the spirit of the exercise, I didn't hit any going by the letter of it. Sure, I published 14 blog posts last year - two more than the target! - but there were three months when I posted zero. And while I made my yearly word count target, my consistency was, uh, not great.

Break down the targets you're aiming for

Which brings me to my next tactic. When possible, have more than one way to measure a goal's success.

This is especially important for process goals, which by their nature are easier to 'fail' week to week. Having multiple success conditions gives you greater leeway for when Life Happens At You. Nothing is more demoralising than something happening early in the year, that throws you off your so-far perfect streak, with no way to fix it.

How does this work in practice? I take the weekly or monthly goal that I'm aiming for, multiply that number out to a year, and use that as my secondary aiming point. So "weave 2.5 hours per week" becomes both "weave for at least 130 hours over the year" and "weave 10 hours and 50 minutes every month". If (when) I don't hit 2.5 hours one week, it isn't as big a deal - I can look at how many minutes I was short, and roll that into the weeks left in the current month.

This approach saved my bacon several times last year. I had a couple of big, multi-day conferences and camps that sucked a lot of time and brainpower out of my usual schedule. If I'd just been measuring weekly adherence, I would have "failed" in April and May when I simply didn't have the energy to do that much weaving on top of all the conference prep. But because I was measuring monthly as well as yearly, I simply rolled the two weeks I took off into the weeks before and after the events, and still hit my monthly weaving target.

It can help to think about what the actual point of the goal you're making is, too. For me, the ultimate goal of "establish a consistent writing routine" isn't to have a consistent routine - it's to write more words. I really had no idea what that looked like in January last year. So I decided that "consistent" writing was 30 minutes a day, three days a week. AND I set a year-long word count target of 75,000 words. (I beat the 75k goal by 48 words, but my consistency still sucks.)

Same with blogging. The point behind "publish a blog post a month" is partly to have a consistent output, but it's also to write more words. So as well as the one-a-month goal, I also set a year target of 12 posts, total. Did I post to the blog every single month? Nope. Did I post twelve or more times in the year? Yep! Was that more than I would have posted without having a goal to aim for? Absolutely!

Last, but definitely not least, is to update your approach as the year progresses. Whatever I pick as my 'yearly goals' right now don't have to be the things I work on all year. Life gets in the way, my needs change, I have more or less (usually less) time and energy available than I thought I would.

So I give my "final" goal list (and attached success metrics) a going-over in March to see how it's shaping up. Depending on the year, I'll give it another interrogation in June or July, and adjust or drop goals as needed. Remember, your goals serve YOU, not the other way around.

Last year I started January with nine goals - I had three life areas, and three goals in each area. It turns out that's too many for me to focus on over a year. In March, I dropped one of those goals, and by May, I'd dropped a second. (Both of the dropped items were process goals - things I wanted to do every day or week. They were also, not coincidentally, things I'd added out of a sense of obligation more than actual excitement.)

The Final List

No talk of goal setting would be complete if I didn't share my final list. (I'm also doing the Habitica's New Year's Resolutions set of Challenges again this year, and the first one involves sharing your goals on social media.)

Buy a house

Publish at least one blog post a month/12 blog posts in the year

Maintain daily streak on 4TheWords/write 75k new fiction and 15k non-fiction

Maintain a 5:1 spinning:weaving ratio (ie spend 5 hours spinning for every 1 hour of weaving)

Get - and then keep - the WIP pile below 10

Make at least three new items for my wardrobe (socks don't count)

Attend HEMA training at least four times a month during terms

Take the younger kid (and thus me) roller skating at least 6 times

If we're lucky (or unlucky if you dislike this sort of talk) I'll do a check-in around mid-year to see how I've been doing. If we're less lucky, I'll do a year-end wrap-up thingummy to close out the year.

Either way, hopefully this extremely long and somewhat rambling break-down of my goal-setting is useful to y'all.

[zmyaro]

SongZ Wrapped 2022!

As with last year, I know Spotify Wrapped happens at the beginning of December (and stops collecting data earlier), but I wanted to get my top played songs for all of 2022—most notably because there was some new music I only got at the end of the year.

As always, I enjoy doing this for all the interesting ways it can confirm or disprove my assumptions, and I also found it interesting to compare to last year's to see what has changed.

Some miscellaneous observations include:

I am not surprised Tick, Tick...BOOM! did well. I was initially surprised “Come To Your Senses” beat out “Louder Than Words” and “30/90”, but then I remembered the former is on my playlist for listening to while falling asleep, while the latter is (for obvious reasons) not.

The Star Trek: Prodigy theme is my favorite new Star Trek theme since the '90s, but I was still surprised it made it to the top 5!

The only reason the Age Of Calamity theme wasn't in my top 100 last year was because I had not added it to my library yet.

(Ditto “Read My Mind” and the Smash Bros. Rainbow Road medley.)

I think I expected at least one song from Belle to beat the Mean Girls musical since I remember enjoying the music from the former more (not that I don't enjoy “World Burn”).

I am not surprised the Protomen cover of “I Still Believe” ranked highly. I have no idea why I did not listen to The Cover Up much before this year despite having it in my library, but it is really good, and that was easily my favorite track from it this year.

I am also not surprised Splatoon had some good representation with Splatoon 3 releasing this year, and it will likely get a bit of a boost in the coming year if we get an official Splatune 3. I was surprised “Fresh Start” made not only the top 100, but the top 50, beating out even “Calamari Inkantation”!

I was not surprised my top 10 last year were not the same as my top 10 this year—I knew I listened to them less than I did in 2021—but I was surprised by how far some fell. I was not surprised to see “Paralyzed” bumped down a little (I like it, but I was surprised it made #1), but I was very surprised “Keep Coming Back To The Start” did not make the top 100 at all this year, and a bit surprised to see neither did “White Rabbit” or “White Woman's Instagram”. And just as shocking, “Inferno” somehow dropped from #5 to barely hanging on at #100!

I also expected Sarah & The Safe Word to fare better since I did not think I listened to them significantly less than 2021. In particular, “The Louisville Shuffle” did not make the top 100 at all despite making it to #15 last year.

Possibly the top reason I wanted to do a full year Wrapped instead of just through December 1st was I saw Six in December and got very into the soundtracks (UK Studio Recording and Live Broadway Recording). I was curious whether any of them made the top 100 in that time, but only “Don't Lose Ur Head” did.

Incidentally, I checked my top 100 for just December, and Six held all of the top 9, and 16 of the top 20!

No matter when you cut it off, though, some album is going to get the short end of the stick. Hadestown did not fare too poorly last year, but it probably would have done better if I had not seen it in November, splitting its peak listens between the end of 2021 and the beginning of 2022. By contrast, while I did listen to Tick, Tick...BOOM! more overall, it also benefited from its peak listens being in January.

Once again, I expected more mashups to rank higher.

There continues to be no good way to automate generating alt text for these screenshots.

[harryxmusic]

"Heartbeat" The debut EP released on May 28, 2016.

Razor

LUV me

Crazy (Listen to My Heart)

Only You

What Harry has to say: "I named this EP "Heartbeat" because I struggled to create what finally got out there. It reflects my frustration on trying to make my dream to shine and the mental pain at times, what actually the songs are about. Released at a time when I was going through a lot in my life, both personally and professionally."

"I started working on the project around 2013 making various demos with J Sime (Jin Sime) and later with MonsterKID (Pandora's Thieves) but other than the tracks "LUV me", "Losing Game" & "Mannequin", nothing else was actually finished or released. After 2 years of unsuccessful attempts making an album, I decided to self-released an EP of the already released material including the singles "Razor" (Jun Areia) and "Crazy" (Thomas Thorp)." - December 31, 2022.

"One of my favorite elements from this project is the EP artwork. I always knew that this shot deserves to be the front thing. With the 'lovefruit' logo and the title all came together very pretty. This one it's for the standard version, a second one was designed and used for the deluxe version that came a few months later. There's a signature version too with a slightly different logo. We also created a digital booklet with the song lyrics and liner notes inside to accompany the release"

"The photoshoot took place before all the releases, just before the "Razor" single release. As you noticed I chose natural lighting without any flash to achieve a minimal aesthetic, I think the red color was enough to capture the passion making this project. The other photos are part from "Razor" and "LUV me" shoots and taken specifically to for the booklet. We took additional photos and included them on the deluxe EP having a more darker tone of the same theme." - A collection of various posts.

Original liner notes: "Sometimes I wonder, Is it my destiny to not make my dreams come true? I’m so bad making music? I can’t say, but I believe I’m always open on new horizons. And then who cares? They all do what they want for themselves at the end of the day. But… I have a hope for being together. I never had a friendship in duration. It’s like a race to keep the feelings in the middle. And then you crash on a wall and feel rejection. Like it’s normal and it's okay."

"So, what we are. What we want. What we need. For me, it's only love and nothing else. I can stop right now and feel love for something or someone. I am love, I need love and I want love. If you have that you’re full, you can survive. After all, love is all we need!" - August 7, 2015

Original SoundCloud link: https://soundcloud.com/harryxmusic/sets/heartbeat

Download “Heartbeat” debut EP here: https://harryxmusic.bandcamp.com/music

Credits: Vocals by Harry X. Mastered on LANDR. Art direction & design by Vertical Arts Creations. Makeup by Zoi Sales. See more details on each track page.

10 Years Harry X

[shoichee]

Sooo you want angst? How about a fic/hc/scenario where a fem!reader who's friends with Aomine and liked for a long time (since Teiko) but Aho-mine takes her for granted because: 1. He knows she likes him 2. She's not like Horikita Mai 3. She's not affiliated to the basketball club. The reader is left heartbroken and eventually gave up. He only realized that how important she to him is when she's gone, and that he always liked her too when he sees her with someone else. (Bonus points if it's Kagami~) Especially when he sees that guy being all gentle and sweet. Angst and regrets for Aomine, but a bit fluffy for the reader~ "You'll never know what you have until you lose it, *Aho*mine"

Aomine x f!Reader

Word Count: 12,784

yes this is 39-40 pages on the doc, I’m warning you guys, it’s a bit long, but hey~ get your christmas reading in, I guess?

Note: I can’t believe I had to track down the general timeline for this to the point where I found a reddit thread that had the mangaka’s notes on these types of things. The dates given aren’t canon, but the months should be canon in terms of when mentioned canon events happen? The new school year date I’m 99% sure is correct, since it starts the day after spring break.

current 🏷: @nadav-ii, @carinacassiopeiae, @kendrex13, @roppongiperfume, @thesongstressayre, @kimigiri09 (it’s unfortunately not tagging you? i can only make a link to your tumblr)

wanna be in the taglist? check out this post!

»»—————　☼　—————««

[2 years ago]

“Hey…” a boy with cropped hair turned to you sheepishly with a friendly smile. “My bad, but… could you help me with these questions? I don’t really get it, and you seem to know your stuff.”

“Huh?” You looked up from your desk to see a bashful expression for him, clearly finding it embarrassing to ask for help. To help him save face, you quickly agreed, patting the empty table next to you for him to sit. It was before class, an ordinary day in Teiko, though nothing is really “ordinary” in a school like Teiko to begin with.

“Thanks,” he grinned at you.

You nodded at him before asking, “What is it you have trouble on… um…”

“Aomine Daiki,” he finished for you. “And on these questions. I don’t get them…”

“Okay, Aomine-san,” you nodded, leaning closer to properly read the questions. “Here’s how you do them…”

. . .

“Holy crap, you’re an actual life-saver!”

Aomine quickly rushed to the front of your desk after class to thank you, nearly scaring you out of your wits while you were clearing out your space.

“It’s nothing, really…” you insisted, putting your hands up out of shyness. Being praised out of nowhere like that definitely wasn’t a part of an “ordinary” day.

“I’m serious!” he shot back earnestly. “If it weren’t for you, I woulda failed that pop quiz…” He gulped at the thought of Akashi and Midorima figuring out his academic scores. “So I really appreciate you teaching me, even if you didn’t even know me at all!”

“Pfft,” you laughed. “You’re more than free to come ask me for help.”

“Oh yeah,” he turned to face you, with an expression oddly serious for someone like him. “I never got your name.”

You smiled at his outstretched hand and shook it with your own.

“(l/n) (y/n).”

———

[December 12th]

“Aomine!! You made Momoi cry again?”

“Shut up already, and quit naggin’ so much or you’ll grow wrinkles.”

You only give a huff of indignation before sending your best glare to him. He merely looks at you from the corner of his eyes before closing them with a sigh. That was an indication that he wanted this conversation to end—to change the subject elsewhere that wasn’t as annoying to think about.

“... Go easier on her, okay?” you give a sigh of your own before turning away from him. “She only does these things because she really cares for you. I’m really serious.”

Because I care too.

“Everyone worries for you… Kuroko has been really down in the dumps lately… did… something happen between the two of you?”

“You really are more annoying than Satsuki,” Aomine mumbles, getting up from his resting position to sit up with a slouch. You turn around to face him to participate in a banter again, but his pointed look at you stopped all the words from forming on your tongue. You only stare at him when he continues again. “Seriously, I just wanted a nap on the rooftop and you’re always pestering me, for what?” You furrowed your brows to snap at him.

“To practice, Aomine! Practice sucks, I get it. I personally would want to sleep and chill all day, too. But the fact is, everyone is doing their best on the courts, whether in games or drills, and I know that a part of you wants to also be at your best when the games come, so it’s just so frustrating to see you throw away practices like this—”

“What do you know about me?”

You flinch. You have his entire attention now, his sitting position turned completely to face you. His arm is propped up on a knee, and his lips are pulled in a taut line. What does he even mean…? You’ve been friends for years… right? You hesitate before continuing.

“... I might… not know you as well as Momoi, I know that for sure. And Kuroko, too—but when I see those two visibly upset for your sake, I just can’t help but hate to see how your friendships together are just—you guys were so close and then just, something must’ve happened—”

“Shut the fuck up already.” His eyes finally sharpen into a clarity that fully reflected anger. Clearly, your words touched a nerve. “People like you who act all high and mighty when you have no idea what you’re talking about are the most irritating.”

“... Did something happen at practice recently?”

He abruptly stands up before he walks to the ledge of the higher concrete structure, his back to you. You have no idea what his face looked like at the moment, but after a moment of tense silence, he finally lowered his head as if he thought hard about something.

“... You wouldn’t understand.”

And with that, he jumps down, not even bothering to use the ladder to get down. A harsh screech of the bulky door was the only indication that Aomine left the rooftop to no doubt sleep somewhere else. Silence follows.

“I wouldn’t understand… huh…” you whisper out to no one in particular, staring at the city view obstructed by the safety fencing around the rooftop. You bite your lip in hopes of tamping down the awful feelings threatening to bubble out of you—the powerlessness in helping the person you love; the frustration of him never opening up to you; the lost isolation of being constantly left in the dust. This wasn’t the first time he did this to you, always storming off in his own tantrum when you confronted him on these matters—you weren’t a stranger to them at all. You’ve known him for nearly three years now—you shouldn’t be surprised. So why… why do you feel this way now?

But he’s never lashed out on you like this… ever.

You rapidly blink in hopes of regaining your composure, the kind that would pretend everything was okay and that his words didn’t really hurt you at all.

Yet, even when your lips begin to quiver uncontrollably, your eyes take on a glint of determination, your mind made up. It’s been years since you’ve known him, and you’re going to try to get to the bottom of this.

I want to understand him.

———

[December 13th]

“Aomine doesn’t hate you, (l/n)-san.”

“Eh?” You shoot your head up at Kuroko’s words. You decided to look for Kuroko the next day to confide in him about what happened at the rooftop, even when you two aren’t particularly close to each other. But you knew that Kuroko wouldn’t turn you down if matters were about the Generation of Miracles, let alone Aomine. Kuroko is just far too kind to turn away from people in need of help. Even when you know he’s busy, he insists that you two sit together on a bench to talk things out.

“I… I don’t know,” you whisper. “I think I said something that seriously messed up our friendship.” Kuroko offers you a consoling pat on the head when he sees you trying to hold back tears.

“Aomine-kun… tends to say things he doesn’t mean when he’s angry.” Kuroko sighs a bit, but something lurks deep within his eyes before it disappears altogether. “He’s going through a tough time right now, so I think it’s best to give him space.”

“A tough time?” You widen your eyes a bit before turning away. How come Momoi never told you this? Why didn’t Aomine confide in you? “... May I ask what happened?”

“... As much as I want to tell you,” he begins, “it’s not in my place to say. You’d have to ask Aomine-kun himself when he’s ready.” He drops his hand from the top of your head and faces ahead of him, presumably observing people walking by you two as a form of distraction. He’s thinking about something, and you feel that this conversation has been progressively turning more intrusive on your end. You opt to also stare at the passersby while you ask the next pressing question in your mind.

“Then, is it in your place to tell me what happened between you and Aomine?” You instantly regret your question when you see Kuroko stiffen up and bow his head lower to hide his face. “I… just wanted to ask, because I don’t like seeing how you two practically became strangers in a day, when you guys used to hang out so much, as if you two were inseparable… I thought Aomine’s foul moods lately were because of that… but—you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to!” You add the last part in a rush in fear of sounding too demanding.

“Yeah…” he trails off in response. “It’s a bit complicated… I’m still not sure what happened either. It was during our game against Kamizaki when Aomine-kun changed.”

“Oh… Kamizaki…” you reply, uncertainty taking over your voice as you scramble your brain to try to figure out a connection, but to no avail. You mentally curse yourself for not knowing enough about the sport to help out Aomine. “Um, Kamizaki is…?”

Kuroko, thankfully noticing your confusion, patiently explains the context. “Kamizaki is one of the strong teams that gave us a hard time during one of our national matches last year. Aomine had been looking forward to going against them again.”

“Ah!” you chime as if a lightbulb went off in your head. “So you guys lost this year?”

“No, we won that game.”

“Then…” you mumble, furrowing your brows. “I don’t get it… he’s upset that he won?”

(“You wouldn’t understand.”)

“I think it’s something more than that.” Kuroko gets up from the bench while facing you. “Sorry, it’s almost time for practice. I’ll have to get going soon, (l/n)-san. And please don’t be disheartened by Aomine’s words.”

“I’ll try to apologize to him and make amends,” you say with a smile. “If he can scare me away that easily, then I have no right to call myself his friend!” Kuroko gives a small nod and a miniscule smile of his own as he readjusts his book bag on his shoulder.

You only give an automatic wave and nod of your own before he turns to walk away. You, however, miss the somber light in his eyes as he departs for the gym.

———

[December 16th]

You constantly tail after him like a lost puppy at every chance you get, Aomine notes, watching you dash to him with a wave of your arm and a huge smile the moment the school bell signaled the end of the day. He frowns a bit when your eyes fall to the ground when you stop in front of him. Surprisingly, he’s being patient, waiting for you to face him and say what you needed to say. A part of him doesn’t like the troubled look on your face.

“I’m sorry.”

He’s absolutely bewildered, his face giving away what he felt. There’s no way he expected to be forgiven so easily after what he said to you. As much as he knew that he meant every word he said, there was a bitter aftertaste in his mouth after he harshly reprimanded you the other day. You didn’t really deserve him lashing out on you.

“Huh?” He narrows his eyes as he takes a closer read at your face and body language. What the hell? Were you messing with him? “What are you doing?” A rhetorical question he proposed, knowing that no sane person would be this apologetic for something he knew was the one more at fault in the situation. His pride refuses to let him voice out his thoughts though.

“No, really. I’m really sorry for what I said a couple days ago. It was out of line and not in my place to speak when I don’t even know the whole situation and still assume things… so…” you trail off, scratching your cheek in trying to summon up the rest of the words you practiced for your apology for the entire day prior to meeting up with Aomine.

“Oh…” he blinks at your words, replaying the scene at the rooftop in his mind. “That? It’s whatever. Don’t think too much of it.” It’s not really your fault.

“Argh, I’m serious about this, y’know!” you scowl, a complete 180 from the uncertainty on your face seconds earlier. “How could you forget it already?” Despite your words, you’re relieved that he didn’t come to hate you. Besides spending the day practicing your dreaded apology, you spent another day coming to terms with the high possibility that he’d hate you for the rest of his life… and thus, you played out nearly every scenario in your head in how you’d have to beg for forgiveness or find ways to be in his good graces again. The woes of liking someone like Aomine Daiki really came to bite you in the ass quite frequently recently.

Aomine’s eyes follow your hand gestures and explosive outburst before they fall to your side in a weird moment of silence coming from you. You’re thinking about something unnecessary, it seems.

Your thoughts are interrupted when he lightly flicks your forehead. “O-Ow! What the hell?!”

“You’re thinking way too hard about this. Don’t worry about it.” He’s back to his normal self, face impassive once more as he looks down at you. “Geez… you take things way too seriously.”

“R-Right…” you mumble, clearing your throat after a few seconds of him staring at you. “Anyways… I made an extra bento box today, considering that I heard from Momoi that you’re always stealing food from everyone when you’re hungry… just take it. As a token of apology, or something…” With that, you pull out the lunch from your bag and nearly chuck it at him out of embarrassment before you run out the opposite direction where you came from.

“Heh…” he huffs out a chuckle, half-exhale, before looking at the bento box in his hand. “Token of apology, huh…” He opens up the lid to find every part of the lunch meticulously cooked and delicately placed. Octo-dogs were placed in the corner on top of a small pile of rice, while you made small veggie animals with shredded nori sprinkled generously around. A smirk grows on his face when he observes how much work you actually put into it, and if anyone who knew him saw him right now, they might dare to call his smirk somewhat boyish. “Now that’s a load of crap if I’ve ever heard one in a while, (y/n).”

Now… where should he nap for today? He didn’t want to go back to the rooftop for a while, now that either you or Momoi might come up again to disturb him, and there aren’t a lot of locations who can offer that same level of quiet. Aomine grabs an octo-dog to munch on while he walks down the hallway, thinking about where to go for today. That is, until he hears hurried footsteps that he’s very much grown accustomed to for many years now.

“Dai-chan!” Momoi huffs out of breath before she slows down her running to match his stride. “You didn’t even wait for me to get out of class! You’re such a meanie, ugh!”

“Yeah, yeah…” he automatically replies, already drowning out her voice as he keeps walking. He grabs a cat-shaped carrot to pop into his mouth before noisily chewing it to further block out her chattering of anything that may have happened in the Teiko practices lately. Momoi suddenly stops her usual chirping to tippy-toe to get a better look at what he’s holding.

“Eh? Isn’t that (y/n)-chan’s… lunch?” Momoi’s inquisitive voice brought him out of his mind at the mention of your name. He turns to look down at her pouting face.

“Huh? What about her?”

“Don’t tell me you stole it from her! Mou, if you’re gonna keep doing this to people, at least spare (y/n)-chan! Actually, you should stop stealing people’s lunches—”

“Tch,” he clicks his tongue. “Don’t get it twisted, Satsuki. (y/n) gave me one. Said she had an extra.”

“Oh… I… see,” she drops any further assumptions and turns rather thoughtful, something that Aomine never associates with anything good if her mind wasn’t thinking about something basketball-related.

“You better not think of anything stupid,” he says, proceeding to lazily pick up another octo-dog while picking up his walking speed. Momoi, noticing that he’s trying to divert the topic, also picks up her pace to catch up to him.

“(y/n)-chan is a nice girl, isn’t she?”

“Huh?” He stops walking abruptly. Momoi, in trying to catch up, bumps into Aomine’s back before she takes a few steps back to face an annoyed Aomine. “What the hell’s that gotta do with anything?”

“Nothing like that,” she responds, still deep in thought. She continues with a concerned tone of voice. “Just treat her nicely okay? I saw her crying the other day with Tetsu-kun when I was looking for him.”

“And you think it’s my fault for making her cry,” he coldly finishes her thought, not liking where the conversation is going.

“I-I didn’t say that!” Momoi raises her voice defensively, surprised at his unusual reaction. “I was just trying to see if you knew anything about it, Ahomine! Besides, I’m just warning you to be gentle with her or else you’ll never stop hearing it from me!”

“First you’re gonna nag me about basketball, and now this thing with (y/n)? You’re not my damn mom.”

“Because I know you’re never honest about your feelings!” she retorted, getting straight to the point. “If you’re gonna be an asshole, leave her out of it, seriously! (y/n)-chan’s my friend, so any business she has with you is also mine!”

“What (y/n) does is none of my business.” His voice takes on a more hostile tone. “Unlike you, I don’t hover over her constantly.”

“Liar,” she hisses, dropping her playfulness. “Then what was that whole thing about when you scared off some guys who were going after (y/n)-chan two weeks ago? You clearly were around her a lot more to the point where even Tetsu-kun asked me if you had a thing for her!”

Something rises within Aomine when he hears Momoi’s accusations—sickenly warm and terribly uncomfortable, as if his entire body was feeling the effect of pin needles from lack of blood flow. Whatever it is, he hates it.

“I don’t care if they wanna get close to (y/n) all they want. They were invading my damn personal space,” he spits out. “Those dickheads aren’t her type anyways.”

“So you like her then—”

“Hell no,” he scoffs with an inscrutable expression. “She’s definitely not my type. Let’s get that straight, Satsuki.” He finally decides to look at Momoi with his peripheral vision, but all he discerns is her face clearly glaring at him. “The hell are you looking at me like that? Are you gonna tell me that I can’t have a preference now?”

Momoi softens her harsh expression at his question. “Well… no, but…” She stops before she sighs and decides to drop her interrogation. “I just have that womanly instinct, you know? I think (y/n)-chan might see you as—”

“... I know.” His tone becomes one of defeat, his face also softening from his usual frowning countenance.

“Dai-chan…?” Momoi, immediately noticing his change, tries to look at his face to peer into his eyes, but Aomine averts his eyes away under her scrutiny. “You’re going to have to at least tell her, you know that, right…?”

He grunts under his breath as his only response, but his eyes fixating on your half-eaten bento as he keeps walking ahead speaks volumes to Momoi about his inner turmoil.

She drops the subject for his sake.

———

[January 17th]

You’ve stopped bugging Aomine about basketball entirely.

Bringing it up, you reason, seems to be a really sore spot for him as of late, and it’s hypocritical of you to lecture him on it when you have no clue on the topic to begin with. Maybe you can entrust that role completely to Momoi… after all, he’s much closer to her than he is with you. Maybe instead of “being his mom,” like Aomine says, perhaps you should take the time to observe and appreciate the things around you and mind your own business. Like the trees starting to bud… the refreshing breeze… and white noise of students excitedly talking to each other as they pass by buildings… the therapeutic page flips next to you as Aomine slouches to get himself comfortable on the concrete. Though, that’s what you tell yourself as you continue to hear Aomine give an occasional hum of approval.

The knowledge of the content inside those pages isn’t therapeutic in the slightest. But you’d rather endure your petty feelings of jealousy than to risk upsetting him again. You clench your skirt pleats with every increasing number of page-turns you hear… he’s been going through his new collection a lot faster than usual, too…

You hone your focus on your modern history worksheet on your lap instead, hoping that staring at the printed figure of Yamagata Aritomo hard enough could somehow transport you into Meiji-era Japan and escape your current predicament. Still, you’re grateful that you have the chance to sit next to him at the usual rooftop once again. You don’t know how exactly you two agreed to come up to share the space again, but when you decided to come up to the rooftop on a whim, Aomine was already there. All he said was a lazy “yo” before he went back to reading his issues, which you took as a way for him to tell you that he didn’t mind your presence. And you settled yourself a few feet away from him, making yourself comfortable on the concrete before settling down your bag. Hence, leading up to this point… which you sort of regret being here now.

No matter, if you’re already here, you might as well actually start studying for your high school entrance exams. Normally you’d also turn to Aomine to scold him to take his studies just as seriously, but when you habitually turn to face him and open your mouth… you stop.

What am I thinking? You’re not his mom, remember, (y/n)? You want him to see you as a desirable woman. Stop being naggy!

You give a wry smile to yourself, watching Aomine at peace in this shared moment between the two of you, even if his object of his undivided attention was Horikita Mai.

It’s okay… you think. As long as I get to remain by his side like this, I won’t ask for more.

You force yourself to peel your gaze away from him to look back at the historical figure printed rather crookedly on the paper. You resolve yourself to pick up your pencil and start writing.

You don’t really know how much time passes between the two of you. It could’ve been only thirty minutes; it could’ve been a couple hours. But you begin to find solace with the rhythm of the graphite sliding across your paper, your mind too occupied with recalling lecture notes and your ears too filled with the sound of your pencil scurrying across the print to register anything on Aomine’s end. At last, you finish the last short-answer question on the page, and you gently drop your pencil as your body finally releases all the pent-up tension. Shifting your seating position slightly, you dare to take a peek at the ace of Teiko…

… only to find that his eyes were on you.

Both of you jump and look away at the unexpected shared eye contact, both equally mortified that the other had caught each other staring.

“S-Sorry…” you mumble, “I was just checking on you after I was done with work on my end…”

“Tch… you got too quiet, so I thought you got replaced or somethin’...” he trails off before he goes back to his usual cocky self. “Seeing your ugly face though was more than enough proof that you’re still here.”

You gape at him. “Eh?! What’s that supposed to mean, Ahomine!? Like you’re one to talk, stupid!”

He lazily blinks before putting a pinky in his ear to further irritate you. “Dunno, whenever you’re here, you usually get steam coming out of your nose, like some folklore monster.”

“What?!” you gasp. “I do not!”

“Just like that.”

“Geez…!” you click your tongue, turning away from him to disengage from the banter. “I might have an ugly face, but your nasty attitude won’t get you anyone either, idiot.”

“So what?” he shrugs languidly. “All I need is Horikita Mai-chan, anyways.”

You involuntarily grimace at his serious tone… even if there was (or so you hope) a slight chance that he’s just joking. Thankfully, your face was already turned away for him to notice.

“Yeah, yeah,” you sigh, trying to sound casual. “All those magazines are pretty self-explanatory, y’know.” You then nod your head in his direction, referring to a few scattered booklets strewn around his legs. Turning away, you stretch your legs out, put your things back in your bag, and get up to stand with one final stretch.

“You’re leavin’ already?” he raises a brow at your sudden movement.

“You know that sitting on cement like that for so long isn’t ideal for studying,” you half-chide, inwardly thankful that coming up with excuses has become much easier lately. “I’m probably gonna head home right now before it gets too dark. Are you really gonna stay here all day?”

“I’m too tired to move.”

“You’re so childish, you know that?” You give a small laugh at his antics. “Well, do whatever you need to do. I’ll be on my way. Seeya.”

You skip a bit, eager that you get to escape without raising any suspicions. Aomine might not excel academically, but he isn’t stupid… quite the opposite, in fact. You often get annoyed at how sharp he gets for the most random situations.

“Oi.”

You’re on the first ladder step going down when he calls out, freezing as you grip the sides of the ladder. You watch him get up into a comfortable sitting position, before he looks at you for a bit.

“Er… did you want something?” you tilt your head in slight confusion.

“Never mind,” he sighs. “... Had something on my mind, then forgot. Make me a bento for tomorrow, yeah?”

“He averts his gaze when he lies,” Kuroko said.

You were walking home together, deciding that visiting the convenience store for a quick snack would be a good detour.

“Who?” you stopped licking your ice pop to look at Kuroko’s stare boring into you.

“Aomine-kun.”

“Eh? Why are you telling me this?” you raised a brow at the odd turn of conversation.

He only gave you a knowing look that you couldn’t completely understand before he replied: “I noticed he had this habit recently, and I was wondering if you also noticed it too, seeing that you guys hang out a lot, (l/n)-san. Even if we grew distant, he’s still an important friend to me, so I was hoping if you knew something that was possibly troubling him. I did tell him that I wasn’t going to make him tell me anything he wasn’t comfortable with.”

“No,” you shook your head. “But I’ll keep your words in mind.”

“Thank you.” He smiled. “If you ever have something that’s troubling you, you can come talk to me. You’re my friend, too.”

He’s not looking at you.

You open your mouth to ask what he was about to say, but you close it just as quickly. It’s not your business to prod, after all. Your own gaze skids away while your lips pressed together.

“Well, then…” you say. “If that’s all, then I’ll be off. No promises on the bento, though.”

The sound of metal squeaking and clothes rustling follow your descent down the ladder before metal screeches echo as you open and close the door of the rooftop entrance.

(“You’re going to have to at least tell her, you know that, right…?”)

Aomine sighs loudly in annoyance before he goes back to indulging everything Horikita Mai had to offer in the 27th volume special.

———

[January 22nd]

“What did I say about taking (y/n)-chan’s food?!” Momoi trails after Aomine with a scowl as he continues to walk unbothered. “This is the 5th day in a row!”

“Is it really a problem if she lets me?” Aomine holds your bento box in one hand while covering his face with the other as he yawns. “You can ask her yourself if you don’t believe me.”

“You really don’t understand the heart of a lady—ugh! I swear, you’re as dumb as a rock!”

“Whatever.”

Momoi harshly knits her brows at his apathetic attitude towards you. What should she do? Should she tell you? Should she keep pushing Aomine to be honest? She swallows before deciding it best to keep quiet. But her heart hammers in fear of witnessing another friendship between you, Aomine, and herself crumbling before her eyes again.

Dai-chan… she thinks, looking at his back as he munches on your onigiri. Stop being an idiot for once, would you?

———

[March 1st]

“Thanks,” he says, immediately snatching your bento box out of your hands the moment you pulled it out of your bag.

“What the hell?!” you glare at him, putting your hands to your hips.

“I know you packed an extra one, (y/n). Don’t get mad at me now.” He merely picks up the chopsticks before digging into the tempura. “Ish perrty good shrimp.”

You widen your eyes, forgetting completely to be angry at the sight of Aomine genuinely enjoying your cooking. You avert your gaze at the compliment. “T-Thanks…”

Aomine looks at you, the you that has grown to become compliant and bashful in his presence recently.

(“You’re going to have to at least tell her, you know that, right…?”)

He goes back to finishing your lunch instead of thinking about the difficult things. A part of him likes the current dynamic you two share recently, a nice balance between entertaining banter, peaceful privacy (especially when you stopped yapping his ear off as of late), and free food. Saying the things that Momoi wants him to say could ruin everything you two had. So he doesn’t say anything.

Since when did you start making him lunch every day without him saying anything? It’s been a month since this started, ever since he made that one off-comment about making him lunch to throw you off from his uncharacteristic silence. You never complained that it was too much work, and you certainly never slacked off on your craft when it came to your bento boxes. Every lunch he’s eaten from you was carefully curated and cooked to near perfection.

It’s unfair for you, he knew. What would he say though? He’s never been one with words at all. He frowns.

“Something wrong with my lunch?” you tease, and he looks up to see you staring at him so fondly.

Quit looking at me like that…

“Tch, it’s edible enough,” he slightly sulks at your good-natured tease before shoving another helping into his mouth.

“Say,” you begin, eagerly leaning forward to get his attention. “What school are you thinking of enrolling in a couple weeks?”

“None of your business,” he snorts, already satisfied at seeing your fond, sappy look turning into a more combative expression. There it is.

“Oh come on!” you insist. “So you already chose a school without telling me? Let me guess, it’s one of those… Kings of… schools—the really strong schools for basketball?”

“Three Kings of Tokyo,” he corrects you. “Nah.”

“Tell me,” you huff with your arms crossed. “Or I’m not making you bento anymore, and you can starve to death.”

“Geez, I was about to tell you anyways,” he drawls, already finishing the last bite. “That one school called Touou.”

“Huh? But I’ve never really heard of that school from anywhere though, especially for basketball.”

“Yeah, got an offer, though.”

“Oh…” you hum, packing away your own lunch into your bag. “If that’s the case, I might consider that school too, then.”

“Hah?” He raises a brow. “Why?” He puts his utensils down to look at your figure.

“Uh…” you mumble, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “Someone’s gotta have to keep you in check, right? Besides, I personally don’t have any idea where to go yet either.”

“If you’re just coming to tag along with me,” Aomine begins, narrowing his eyes. “Forget it. Satsuki is already coming with me, no matter how much I tell her to buzz off. I don’t need another person to nag me 24/7.”

“But—!” you counter, raising your eyes to meet his own. “How are you gonna manage with lunch and all?”

“I’m not a kid, (y/n), and you know that,” he coolly responds. “They have cafeterias, vending machines, and fast food spots. I can manage without you.”

“Um, even so…” you argue, though your voice dwindles at his strong attempts of pushing you away. You feel uneasy at the inevitable argument that’s to come right around the corner. “I’m not as easy to get rid of either like Momoi, you know that more than anyone, too.”

Goddamn it, why were you so stubborn at the wrong times? Can’t you take a hint?

(“You’re going to have to at least tell her, you know that, right…?”)

“Look…” he sighs, eyes looking straight at you to convey his message across. “I know you like me, and all. But you’re not my type. I don’t see you that way.”

But even though he tries his damn hardest to look at you, he can’t. He chickens out at the last sentence and looks away.

“I-I… I know… I’ve known,” you weakly reply. “But staying by your side as friends is more than what I can ask for. I value our friendship more than anything else.”

“And I’m not the guy for you, either,” he carefully continues. “Can’t believe I’m sayin’ this, but choose a school for your own good—”

“Who are you to decide whether or not you’re good for me?” you snap, visibly frustrated at the turn of events. Weren’t you two just enjoying each other’s presence a few minutes ago? Was it all in your head? “I make the choice of whether or not I want to spend time with you! And you know how persistent I can be… I’m sure Touou has a really good curriculum and selection of extracurriculars, too, I can make it work—”

“You’re an actual dumbass,” he hisses, his short temper getting the better of him after you went hostile on him. How could you not see his point? “How does this shit keep flying over your head?”

You flinch, the feeling so familiar to the time he lashed out on you at the rooftop. He’s glaring into your widened eyes, but he doesn’t care right now, the words he’s been struggling to form and tell you for months now flowing out of him with no filter. If he only realized you liked him a couple months back, how long have you actually liked him? A year? More than that? The adrenaline right now is the only crutch in giving him the courage to give you some type of closure you deserved, even if a part of him hates to see you upset.

“... The hell’s that supposed to mean…?” Your voice cracks at the end, and your hands grip the straps of your book bag so hard they’re shaking.

Where’s the boy I liked from 2 years ago?

“I mean exactly what I said,” he spits out, his own frown further deepening into a visible crease on his face. “Look, (y/n), you can’t keep tailing after me forever. That’s hella annoying.”

“What about Momoi…?” you whisper. “I get that you’re childhood friends, but how come you always let her stay by your side?”

“Look,” he shoots back. “Satsuki is different—”

“Aomine-kuuuun!” Momoi’s voice rings across campus, and Aomine whirls around to see her running to him at breakneck speed. “Hey, hey! There’s a new coffee shop around the corner! We should totally try it together! I’ll even pay for you if you ask nicely enough…”

You stare at the floor, trying to hold back unshed tears by gripping your bag straps even harder. “... Excuse me.”

“Wha–hey!” Aomine turns back to face where he presumed you were at, only to see you gone from his sight.

“... Was that (y/n)-chan?” Momoi shoots a curious glance behind his back.

“Tch, don’t worry about it.” He gives a long, winded sigh before scratching the back of his head. “Just leave her be.”

She only gives a worried look at him before she continues with her prior conversation.

———

[March 4th]

You avoid him for the next few days… that much he expects. He’ll never say it out loud, but he finds it sort of amusing to see you try to keep yourself completely hidden from him. The way you duck when you see him; the way you scramble to grab your belongings before you book it; the way you try to run so fast to escape his line of vision when he can easily catch up to you if he just jogs. But he doesn’t.

Because even though he’s a bit bummed about what happened the other day, he now doesn’t feel the pressure to stick around you just to build up his courage to finally give you that closure.

It feels quite nice to not have any obligations and demands expected of Momoi or you. Naps have never been so peaceful now that his sense of conscientiousness has been relieved. Other than Momoi occasionally bothering him, but that’s manageable… he’s quite used to that.

He’s not 100% used to not seeing you around him every day, though.

It’s probably for the best.

Still, maybe he was too harsh on you (like always). But there’s no way in hell he’s going to march up to you and grab your arm while you’re running and then apologize. That might give you the wrong idea—

“Pssst, hey, (y/n)-san seems distant from Aomine, lately.” A small group of people huddled around a desk, surrounding a guy sitting on it, who appears to be the source of the voice.

“Weird, isn’t it? She follows him around every day, and he’s always guarding her or something.”

Bullshit. He doesn’t “guard” her—his resting bitch face and his ridiculous athletic build have always been advantageous for both (y/n) and Momoi to repel off the creeps. Not that he cared. It’s only when they get so noisy and too close in his bubble that he gives them verbal threats of violence. And that almost always works to scare them away.

“Think I can have a chance with her this time?”

“I dunno… (y/n)’s not the passive type to go along with it. I mean how else could she deal with Aomine every day?”

“... You’re right.”

“I mean… there’s Momoi…”

Aomine sighs. They really have nothing better to do, huh.

They’re right that they’re the type of people (y/n) wouldn’t like in the slightest. He doesn’t know what you see in him, but at least your standards aren’t abysmally low where you’d happily go along with one of them. He scoffs to himself in a way to mock their desperate attempts.

They don’t know what’s coming to them if they actually were serious about dating her. Avoiding her romantic advances is like dodging a bullet, actually.

He kinda misses your cooking, though. His self-assured grin instantly flips into a frown at the stray thought.

———

[March 5th]

Imagine his unadulterated shock when he sees you casually walk up to his desk and drop a wrapped package of (what he assumes) his bento box the next day.

“What,” you dryly say. “Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?”

“... Whatever.” He merely eyes the lunch before he carefully tries to get a read on your face. Holy shit, you look awful, eyes slightly puffy probably from all the crying you did behind closed doors. He chooses not to acknowledge the weird pang his heart does at the sight of you.

“Aw, don’t be like that,” you goad, though you sound a bit too exhausted to be provoking. “At least, until we graduate and go into our high schools, let me continue making lunch for you. As… a symbol of our… good friendship.” You hesitate to try to find the right phrasing for the last part… Now that you really thought about it these past few days… were you two really friends? You just bothered and tagged along with Aomine your entire three years here at Teiko, and you always tried to cater your schedule and interests around him. Here you were, trying to understand him as best as you can.

Did he even try to understand me at all the entire time we’ve known each other?

“... What’s your game?” he says, clearly thrown off guard, He opts to look away from you to stare at the window by his desk. “... Did I not make it clear last time?”

“Yeah, yeah… I know.” You give a sad smile before your grin grows unnaturally wider to hide your vulnerabilities. “You were unusually honest. So honest, it threw me off.”

No more… I’m not opening my heart to you any longer.

“Are you here to just embarrass me or something for revenge?”

“No one has that type of deplorable thinking like you,” you chastise, seemingly back to your old self. “Besides, we’re friends, first and foremost, and I can’t ignore a friend in need. You were probably starving yourself like an idiot, or something.”

Aomine was still facing the windowsill, but at your words, his eyes flitted to look at you once more. “... You sound like Tetsu.”

“Oh wow!” you gasp, putting a hand to your mouth in surprise. “How’d you know we’re dating?”

He whips his head to you. “What?! What the hell are you talking about?—”

“Kidding,” you interrupt him before he gets too explosive on you. “You can’t be that much of an idiot to not be able to call out that bluff.”

“Screw off.”

He can only click his tongue in absolute annoyance as he hears you laugh to yourself walking out of the room before the school bell rings.

Yeah, you're definitely back to your normal self.

He’s a bit reassured that he’ll still have you in his life.

———

[March 15th]

It’s been two weeks since Aomine completely crushed your hopes of a romantic relationship with him. You don’t feel okay, not at all, but you’re eagerly counting down the days before you can go to Seirin with Kuroko.

And no, you never planned to go in order to be by Kuroko’s side. It was a mere coincidence that you found out.

[March 8th]

“(l/n)-san, what’s wrong?” Kuroko sipped his vanilla shake, popping up out of nowhere while you were in the middle dwelling in your negative thoughts alone at your table. Your burger was left half-eaten, and your fries got cold.

“EEP!” You were shocked out of your daze, jumping in your seat. You eyed a worried Kuroko across the table. “Ah, geez, it’s just you. When’d you get here?”

“For a while actually,” he admitted. “I first called out your name from afar, but it didn’t seem like you noticed me.”

“Well,” you sweatdropped. “I don’t think I would’ve noticed you anyways under any other circumstances…”

“When you’re upset…” Kuroko said. “You have your own habit of looking down, whether it’s your lap, the floor, or what’s in front of you.”

“Leave it up to you to easily figure that out,” you sighed. “You’re always with me when I’m thinking about something dumb or just messed up. Sorry that you constantly have to deal with that.”

“It’s not a problem, (l/n)-san.”

“Yeah…” you mumbled. “So, I’m gonna get straight to the point… Aomine knew he liked me, and yeah, it didn’t end well…”

“Ah.”

“Don’t worry, though,” you reassured him. “I knew all along that it would… end up this way.”

“... Even if you hoped for more?”

“I can’t help that, can I?” you sighed again. “Anyways, right now, I was thinking about what I want to do after I graduate from Teiko… I never thought about these things like that. ‘Cause, you know, I thought I could figure things out on the go while being by both Aomine’s side… but I guess he’s right that I shouldn’t mindlessly follow him everywhere… and Momoi has her own plans of going to Touou as their basketball manager. I should leave those two be.”

Kuroko stayed silent for you to continue.

“Seirin seems like a good school… It’s new, but it has really good facilities, and even if I don’t know what to do, it seems like it can give lots of good opportunities, and if anything, it can give me a fresh start.”

Kuroko slightly widened his eyes. You noticed and tilted your head for him to explain his reaction.

“I’m also going to attend Seirin.”

“E-Eh?!! That’s a scary coincidence… What’s your reason for picking it?”

“... They seem to have a good basketball team,” he quietly replied, his eyes looking as if they’re looking so far back. “I like their teamplay. I’ve been wanting to be in that type of team for a long time.”

“I see…” you murmured. For a moment, you noticed Kuroko’s pained look… but remembering Aomine’s words about being nosy, you decided not to press into it.

You give a long sigh again. And here you thought that you can end your last year at Teiko well and happily. Right now, you would usually look for Aomine in his usual spots: Maji Burger, the school rooftop, or the local park. It’s different now. Sitting on an empty table outside to finish up the rest of those pesky kanji worksheets, you finally truly take in your surroundings… the trees starting to bloom this time… the refreshing breeze… and white noise of students excitedly talking to each other as they pass by buildings… but there are no longer the therapeutic sounds of page flips next to you as Aomine slouches to get himself comfortable on the concrete. Though, you pretend you’re next to him as you continue to somehow hear Aomine give an occasional hum of approval at whatever filthy page he feasted his eyes on.

Once again, the knowledge of the content inside those pages you imagined isn’t therapeutic in the slightest.

It hurts.

And there’s no way you can focus on the questions, not when thoughts of Aomine continue to pervade and fill up every damn crevice—every crook and cranny—of your mind.

Were you missing something? Were you not pretty enough? Were you not relatable enough? Was there another way for Aomine to consider seeing you as a romantic partner?

For the first time, you really let the implications of Aomine’s words sink in… If you had more agency—more independence—in the first place, would he have considered letting you tag along to Touou? What if… you had more knowledge on basketball like Momoi?—

“(y/n)-chan…!”

A familiar, chirpy voice breaks you out of your wallow in self-pity and a flash of pink fills your vision. Of course your thoughts accidentally summoned her here, you wrly think. Momoi represented the complete opposite of your current emotional state, flouncing around quite cheerfully to grab your attention. Though, if you are completely honest, she has the same look of sorrow in her eyes similar to Kuroko’s.

“What’s wrong, Momoi?” you ask, giving her a reassuring smile to encourage her to share her potential troubles.

“Eh…? What’s wrong with me?” she frowns in confusion.

“You look a bit down, that’s all. You and Kuroko share the same look in your eyes sometimes.”

“Oh…” she averts her gaze. Normally, she would squeal about having something in common with her “true love,” but she takes on a somber note of acknowledgment. “I guess you can say that… but more importantly!” She directs the subject of conversation to you. “You! (y/n)-chan! You look like you need more comfort than me.”

She takes a seat next to you and eyes at your worksheets, noting the sporadic dried splotches across the paper. You’ve been crying.

“I guess it takes a sad person to know another one,” you joke, though your smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes. Momoi frowns at her only friend (besides the GoM) in such a distressed state, even if she knows you’re actively trying to hide it.

“It’s about Dai-chan, isn’t it?”

“Ah…” you look down at your worksheets. “So you knew.”

“Sorry…” she murmurs. “I told him to be gentle and honest with you.”

“Well he certainly gave me the latter,” you softly laugh. “Hey, hey… there’s no need to be down for my sake.” You immediately reach out to gently ruffle her hair with a head pat. She widens her eyes at the unexpected physical contact.

“Sorry, did I push my boundaries?”

“No, no…!” she denies, shaking her head to reassure you. “You reminded me of Tetsu-kun right now… that’s all.”

“Huh, I guess he’s been rubbing off on me,” you muse. A thought comes to you. “Actually, can I ask you something?”

“Eh?” She blinks. “Sure, I’ll try my best to answer whatever it is.”

You finally look up to face Momoi head on. “Was I ever too overbearing on Aomine? I wonder if I crossed any boundaries with him at any point. If you noticed anything at any point, please tell me everything.”

“No,” she firmly reassures. “You didn’t do anything wrong at all. Dai-chan is the real idiot here. You’ve only done what’s best for him, and I would’ve done the same in your place.”

“Pfft, he always calls us nagging grandmas, doesn’t he?”

“Right? He has no tact, at all!” Momoi huffs, puffing out her cheeks in a pout. “Despite all that, he cares for you, (y/n)-chan. I’m serious. Even if he’ll never admit it like the idiot that he is.”

You give a rueful smile. “Thank you, Momoi.”

Turning away from Momoi, you look up at the trees, so full of flowers that it fills the void in your heart by gazing at them. You sense that she’s also doing the same.

“... Hey, Momoi?”

“... yes?”

“You love Kuroko, don’t you?” You turn back to face Momoi. She gives an innocent simper at the mere mention of his name.

“I do. But even though he’s not the type to date, I want to be by his side.”

You smile too, her joy too contagious to ignore, but that smile somewhat deflates when your thoughts go back to Aomine against your will.

“Hey… how do you love someone who doesn’t love you back?”

She pauses and takes in the many implications of your question. “I don’t know,” she admits. “It just happens, you can’t always control it… I’ll wait for Tetsu-kun, even if it’s the most idiotic thing to do. I just can’t help it. That’s what love is, I think.”

“I see…”

“It’s not for everyone. Loving someone like that.”

“I thought I could do that…” Your whisper comes out so hoarse. “With Aomine—I thought… as long as I got to be by his side, I wouldn’t ask for more… but it hurts to go back to being friends—it hurts to see him… I don’t want to see him anymore.” The last part of your confession ends up being a choked sob.

“Shhh…” she hushes you to console you. “It’s okay, it’s good to cry it out.” She rubs down your back as tears endlessly plop onto your worksheets, no doubt ruined by now.

“Please… please don’t tell—”

“I won’t tell anything to Dai-chan… I promise.”

Dai-chan… were you truly honest with (y/n)-chan?

———

[April 6th]

“Aomine-kun! There you are! Where were you? Sheesh, we don’t want to miss the entrance ceremony!”

Aomine towers over the crowd, his eyes clearly scanning—looking—for something amidst the countless students walking around and socializing amongst one another. Even as Momoi tugs on his new uniform blazer (not properly worn, no doubt) to get him to walk, he stands to face the front gates expectantly.

“... Where’s (y/n)?”

“Huh?” Momoi looks at Aomine like he grew three legs. “She’s not at Touou, Ahomine. What are you even talking about?”

“... Thought she woulda tailed me here too.”

“You told her off to choose a different school!”

“I did not,” he grunts. “I told her to choose a school for a reason that’s not on me. Besides, my words never stopped her from annoying me all the time… Wait, when did you hear me say that?”

“You were shouting at her that day! Anybody nearby could’ve heard that!” She glares at him. “And well, those words of yours certainly stopped her now. Do you hear yourself right now?”

“The hell…” he ignores Momoi and curses, kicking the gravel before lazily walking with his hands in his pockets to his assigned seat for the ceremony. Of course, Momoi tails after him despite being pissed off.

Words from all the speeches from the faculty and student alumni went in one ear out the other for him in a continuous slur of nonsense. His body goes on autopilot, standing and sitting when everyone else does the same, while he continues to scan over the hundreds of heads, thinking he must’ve missed your dumbass by mistake. Of course he notices Momoi sitting a short distance away from him; the way everyone ogles at her is obnoxiously contagious and far from discreet.

But where are you?

———

[April 10th]

“... Do you mind if…” you hesitate, turning to Kuroko after he signs his name on the basketball club interest form. “... You teach me more about the sport?”

Kuroko looks at you curiously at your question, and you quickly clarify yourself. “It’s not for Aomine’s sake, or anyone else’s for the matter. I just want to watch a few of your practices, and things like that… it might be fun… I wanna try something new.” You give a small smile, albeit nervously. “I won’t be in the way, I promise—even if I don’t know what’ll be happening most of the time—”

“I’ll ask the coach when the time comes,” Kuroko reassures you, his own smile mirroring your own growing grin at his answer.

“Alrighty!” you cheer. You stop yourself when you see a student who easily towered over everyone at the basketball club booth. “What the… that guy’s a high school student?!”

“Oh,” Kuroko turns to where you were pointing. “He seems like someone with a hot temper.”

“Reminds me of a certain someone, doesn’t he, Kuroko…?” You give a soft elbow jab and a playful lilt, though both of you knew you were both still recovering from the emotional blows from last year.

He quietly nods before he follows you to the other club booths nearby.

———

[April 20th]

“Where did Kuroko go…!” You’re breathless at the bench, watching the game between Seirin and Kaijo. This is just a practice game? It’s way too intense to be considered such.

Riko, amused at your reactions, gladly explains what’s going down on the courts as it happens. “Kuroko’s greatest strength is using his lack of presence for his misdirection—”

“And wait—Kagami is—!” You near-completely ignored Riko’s explanation when Kagami steals the show with a dunk, completely leaving you in awe with his impossible vertical. “What kind of person jumps that high… what the hell?” She merely chuckles with a hand to her lips before she turns her full attention back to the game.

Kise experiences his first taste of defeat soon enough.

You ignore the way your heart flipped when Kagami dunked the final basket on Kaijo.

———

[May 23rd]

Aomine lays serenely on the rooftop, but his mind is far from relaxed. Tomorrow is the day Touou would crush Seirin in the Inter-High preliminaries.

… Seirin, huh.

He remembers when Momoi broke the news to him when they walked home together after the entrance ceremony. Thinking about it still pisses him off—he can’t help it though, he can’t stop thinking about it… his mind involuntarily plays that conversation in his head over and over. No amount of porn magazines could bury the dull thuds in his chest when he thinks about you.

[April 6th]

“She’s at Seirin right now.”

“What?!” His eyes slightly widened as he stopped walking to incredulously look at her. “You’re seriously pullin’ my leg right now, Satsuki.”

“I would totally yank your stupid legs if I could, Ahomine,” she petulantly grumbled. “But I’m telling the truth. She told me before we went off on our spring break when we said our goodbyes to each other. I told her I was going to miss her, and I also told her to take care of Tetsu-kun for me and let me know if anything happened over there.”

What the hell? When did you get close to Satsuki enough to confide in her? How come he didn’t hear shit from you?

“Hah, so you’re telling me she’s tailing Tetsu now that she can't follow me?” He gave a derisive snort, not liking the development of your relationship with Kuroko for some reason. Momoi gave him that knowing look of admonishment.

“Don’t get the wrong idea, idiot! One! They don’t see each other like that, and two! How (y/n)-chan decided on her school is none of our business. I’m sure she has her own reasons, and you have no right to judge her at all!”

Aomine stared at Momoi, who’s usually so compliant to his demands and harsh words. To see her stick up for you so adamantly was more than surprising. He furrowed his brows before walking ahead of her in a feeble attempt to cut the conversation short.

“Tch… I know that already…”

He releases a heavy sigh. His ego wouldn’t allow him to simply go up to Kuroko and ask about your wellbeing, let alone asking him to set up a time and place for him to meet up with you. What were you doing over there right now? Were you doing okay? Are there random people harassing you or bothering you now that he’s not there with you to scare them off?

He slings his arm over his eyes and sighs again.

“... This is annoying. I’m tired…”

God, it sucks so bad, but he really misses your lunches. Satsuki’s atrocious cooking is still lethal to this day, and Sakurai’s octo-dogs he sometimes steals only measures up to a fraction of the taste of your own octo-dogs.

He’s been hallucinating for a bit—even while he naps, he’s sworn that he always hears pencil scribblings and annoying sighs nearby. He swears that it’s you, that you’re actually enrolled in Touou and that somehow, you roped Momoi into agreeing into this sick prank to get back at him for all the shit he’s done to her all these years. He swears he can hear you muttering the questions out loud before you deftly solve them. He swears he can hear you nagging him to practice even if you haven’t had a clue what basketball entails.

What the hell… He thought that you two would still be friends—attached to the hip, even if a romantic relationship was out of the question. He supposes that it’s a bit naive on his end to think that. Damn it, damn it… Seirin isn’t that far from Touou either… wouldn’t you normally find the way and time to stop by and annoy him like there’s no tomorrow, anyways?

———

[August 14th]

“Kuroko, who do you think would win?”

“I don’t know,” he replies. “This is the first time I’ve seen two Generation of Miracles starters play against each other… However, Aomine-kun inspired Kise-kun to play basketball.”

“Really?” Kagami turns to him in surprise. You stand nearby, listening to Kuroko’s words carefully. After all, they pertained to Aomine.

“They used to play one-on-one a lot, but Kise-kun has never won.”

Aomine… was THAT good? You blink in surprise, remembering about Seirin’s practice match against Kaijo before you turn your attention back on the court. Well, you shouldn’t be that surprised, considering that the Seirin returned with a loss against Touou in the preliminaries… before getting eliminated altogether later on. Knowing how amazing Kagami and Kuroko are at basketball… if they both got single-handedly defeated by the ace of Touou, you shouldn’t doubt Kuroko’s words about Aomine’s strength. You weren’t there to watch that game after all.

You feel a warm, heavy hand pushing on top of your head.

“H-Hey!”

“You have a scary look on your face that I almost mistook you for Aomine,” Kagami says quite seriously, though if you squint, you swear that he’s teasing you. Irk marks pop onto your temples as you try to shoo his hand off of you.

“Oh—come on! Lay off, will you? I do not have a scary face! If anything, it’s you!”

“The hell do you mean by that?!”

“I mean exactly what I said, Kagamidiot!”

Kuroko, unbeknownst to anyone, observes your interaction with Kagami with the faintest smile before turning his attention to see the referee starting the jump ball.

“Everyone, it’s starting.”

———

[December 7th]

He… he lost.

He finally lost.

Aomine stares at Kuroko and Kagami, still reeling from the foreign sensation of defeat creeping into him.

“Why are you acting like it’s all over?” Aomine snaps out of his daze to focus on Kagami. “Things are just getting started. Let’s play again. I’ll take you on.”

Aomine stands there at a loss for words until he scoffs at him, but if anyone was to look at Aomine right now, they would say he’s relieved and pleased to hear those words. “Shut up, idiot.”

“Aomine-kun…” Kuroko calls out, bringing Aomine’s attention from Kagami to his former “shadow.” A moment of reflection is shared between the two of them before Aomine finally acknowledges Kuroko’s style of basketball.

“You win, Tetsu.”

Kuroko contemplates for a bit before opening his mouth. “Can I ask you for a favor?” Kuroko raises his hand in a fist bump before Aomine makes a noise for him to continue. “You still haven’t returned my fist bump.”

“What?” he retorts, slightly flustered at the sudden request. “Who cares about that?”

“No,” Kuroko says, deadpan as ever. “Try putting yourself in the shoes of the ignored.” Aomine gives a long look, hesitant and unsure before he finally relents.

“Fine. This is the last time though… Next time, I’ll win.”

“Okay.”

While still holding the fist bump, Aomine finally brings himself to ask the question plaguing in his mind for the past couple months: “Hey… is it true that (y/n) is in Seirin?”

Kuroko widens his eyes in momentary surprise before he carefully responds. “Yes, she’s actually been cheering us on these past couple months. She’s somewhere in the stands right now. Though, I’m not sure where.”

“I see…” The ace of Touou separates from the fist bump first and turns to get ready for the team lineup, looking rather thoughtful.

Kagami raises a brow at the question that came out of seemingly nowhere for someone like Aomine, but in truth, he knew. You told him everything about what happened between you and Aomine a couple weeks ago while shedding tears.

“There’s nothing wrong with you at all.”

“Eh?” You attempted to wipe the last of your tears before you looked at Kagami to see his reaction. He still could see how red your eyes were even despite trying to remain unbothered about the ordeal. He remembered how distraught you were retelling your past friendship with him… and how you used to like him. How did you even manage to think that you weren’t pretty enough? Helpful enough? And how did you manage to believe yourself to be the most annoying person in the world? Remembering what you said made him boil.

“I can’t believe that guy’s full of it even outside of basketball, that idiot!”

“Honestly…” you gave a sardonic smile to mock your own weakness. “What do you mean?”

“Huh? Well…” He looked away with a comical pout before facing you again. “If I was him, I wouldn’t take you for granted like that. Who the hell would read dirty magazines in broad daylight like that? Seriously, it’s so funny I could bust a spleen!” His response took on a more mocking tone at the end, and he noticed your eyes taking on an amused light at his reaction.

“Didn’t Kuroko correct you that it’s ‘gut,’ and not a ‘spleen’ way back months ago?”

“What? It’s the same thing.” He crossed his arms with a sigh before he looked at your face again, satisfied to see you slightly cheered up. “Anyways, if I ever become like that type of guy, feel free to hit me or something.”

“The way you went and above at being pissed for my sake, I don’t think I’d have to worry about that, Kagami.” Your smile grew to be teasing and affectionate, and his heart started to race at the sight of it.

“Uh—well…” Kagami averted his gaze, scratching his cheek to hide his flushed cheeks. “It’s just… I think you’re fine the way you are.”

You widened your eyes at his words.

“Really…?”

His heart broke at how truly surprised you were at his candor. He meant it; he really did, and it wasn’t fair for you to live like this just because some prick didn’t have the balls to be nice to you, something you deserved again and again.

“I’ll wake that idiot up for you, I swear it.”

You started laughing at him, catching him completely off-guard as his face started heating up even more. “What—hey! What the hell’s so funny?! I’m trying to be serious!”

“Ah…” you breathed out, wiping out the last of your tears after doubling over for a few minutes. “Don’t worry, Kagami. I believe in you. Beat his ass in the Winter Cup for me, yeah?”

Kagami cleared his throat before he mustered up the courage to give you a gentle head pat (albeit very clumsily).

“Y-Yeah…”

Kagami frowns, wondering if you and Aomine will ever sort things out after this game. Part of him worries that your next encounter with him wouldn’t go very smoothly, knowing how complicated Aomine is as an individual.

Kuroko looks at the floor before continuing, almost as if he read Kagami’s mind. “We should also move to line up, Kagami.”

“... Yeah.”

———

[December 8th]

“Shopping is such a damn pain,” Aomine yawns, holding his box of new basketball shoes under his arm. Momoi, of course, is already next to him ready to scold him into oblivion.

“Did you forget that your feet are humongous? Of course the shops wouldn’t have your size,” she sighs at his childish attitude. “Now you’re going to try this new pastry shop with me! You promised to come with me if I went with you to shop for your shoes.”

“I don’t remember promising anything.”

“Meanie! You did! Now don’t be like that and wait here! I’m going to check the lines and available tables.” And before Aomine can wedge another complaint in, Momoi dashes like her life was on the line, clearly risking everything for a chance to taste the strawberry mille-feuille that the shop was famous for.

Geez… he mentally sighs before deciding to look for a place to sit. She better hurry her ass up.

Luckily for him, there’s a spare empty bench near some trees despite the busy crowds. Taking the opportunity, he plops himself down while settling his shoe box next to him. He looks at the box for a moment. He finally has a rival now, huh. Seirin… he wonders how long it’s been since he last saw you… a couple months? Actually… it’s been almost a year.

Indulging Horikita Mai-chan feels off now, and indulging even more of her featured volumes made him feel worse than if he didn’t read any of them to begin with. The temptation to pick up a new racy issue has declined drastically, and Wakamatsu’s threats of burning them are becoming less dire as the days go by. If he actually burned them now, he probably would remain just as unphased and still not show up to practice. Well, now he’ll consider showing up to practice with or without the threats anyways, now that Kagami can keep him on his toes.

He gives a rueful smile. You’re always meddling in his affairs and ruining the consistent routines he’s set up for himself, even if you’re not physically by his side. That’s just like you to ruin him like this. He frowns. Or maybe you’re doing this on purpose as karma for him being an asshole to you all this time. Maybe you’re an Imayoshi, and you’re playing him like a fiddle?

Nah, he thinks, a small chuckle escaping from his lips. You’re too much of an idiot to think like that. You’re too easy to read, (y/n).

He shoves his hands into the pockets of his navy puffer jacket, and he leans forward on the bench with a long exhale. This isn’t good, he’s been thinking about you way too damn much. It’s actually concerning. Is it because he feels bad about chasing you off? Is it because of the uncertainty of his current standing with you in terms of your friendship? Maybe.

He amended his friendship with Kuroko through basketball, something that he’s very comfortable in navigating about. But you? How is he going to approach you?

He’s too much of a coward to stop by Seirin and look for you and get the answers, though.

“Your grades are absolutely atrocious, what the hell? How are you gonna fare well on the final exams for the semester?”

“That’s… we’ll worry about that when the time… comes.”

“Wrong answer! We can’t have you failing when you’re just a first year!”

“Oh come on, I still have two more years to pick up my slack, don’t I?”

Aomine slightly perks up at the familiar voices, the conversation breaking him out of his own thoughts. He freezes when he sees you.

The sight of you sends his own heart into a frenzy, his heart pounding against his chest so incessantly—painfully. The adrenaline he accumulated from his last game is no match for the compressions he feels at this very moment. Is it because he hasn’t seen you for nearly a year that he feels this way? You look different—older for sure—and definitely just as expressive as you were back in Teiko. You’re wearing your casual clothes and the biggest smile he’s seen from you yet.

But the person who’s making you smile like that isn’t him. His eyes finally stop focusing on you to look at the bigger picture in front of him. His eyes widen further when he registers that it’s none other than Kagami.

“Oh come on,” Kagami sighs at your pout. “Don’t be like that…”

“Look, I’ll even offer you tutoring free of charge, but you can’t neglect your studies.”

“Fine, fine…” Kagami ruffles your hair to appease you. “Just know I’m not that good with these types of things. You’re gonna have to take it easy with me.”

“Obviously! Did you think I was gonna bust out a master theory textbook on you? I’m not heartless! Honestly…” You punch his arm before you smile at him. “Before we get going, how’s your legs? You haven’t pushed yourself too much, have you?”

“Nah, I’m okay now.” He sweatdrops when he sees you raising your brow in suspicion. “I’m serious this time!”

“Pffft,” you snicker at how easy it is to get a reaction out of him. “How about to celebrate your win, we can go try that new pastry shop down the street? I heard the strawberry mille-feuille is really good there… maybe we can both try our hands in making a homemade recipe after?”

“Huh, I haven’t had that in a while, actually. Sounds pretty good.”

“Actually, what types of desserts do Americans even serve over there? We can save a day where we can bake the team an entire stockpile for them to try? Though, I hope Riko doesn’t somehow tamper them with protein powder…”

It’s comical to see Aomine having his eyes so bugged out of their sockets that they look like they might fall out with a nudge. But he doesn’t care—his mind’s racing so much, overclocking and overworking in trying to connect the dots at the scene he’s trying to register and comprehend.

“Where’s the shop again?” Kagami asks, scanning around for any sign that indicates “sweets” and “baked goods.”

“There.” You point ahead of you in a general direction, and Kagami, taking advantage of his height, easily spots the shop. What catches Aomine’s attention is how you wrap your other hand around his arm. What really bothers him though, is how nonchalant Kagami is at your touch.

“Come on.” Kagami snakes his hand to gently encapsulate your hand, the same one that casually wrapped around his arm moments earlier. Aomine’s breath gets caught in his throat, watching you two like a hawk. Kagami tugs your hand behind him as he leads you through the crowd, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

It shouldn’t be natural, though. It shouldn’t be Kagami holding your hand. It should’ve been—

(“And I’m not the guy for you, either.”)

Yeah, Aomine knows that he sure as hell ain’t the guy for you. But Kagami? Of all people? Aomine grits his teeth watching you two. He’s sure as hell that Kagami isn’t the one for you either. He would even rather prefer Kuroko being by your side like this than him… But he can’t deny how Kagami does a better job at making you happier than he himself could ever do. You’re in good hands, and he doesn’t have to worry about any potential asshats bothering you at Seirin, or anywhere for that matter from now on.

So why… Why does his heart continue to pound so hard when he sees how gentle his rival is with you? Why isn’t his chest letting up? Why does he feel like his windpipes are constricted? His mouth is parted like a fish, his body motionless, his new shoes forgotten. He doesn’t move until you’re no longer in his line of vision, completely swallowed up by the crowded lines and mobs of other shoppers.

Did Tetsu know about this?

He finally closes his mouth, allowing himself to swallow, though his mouth is impossibly too heavy and dry to do so comfortably. Still leaned forward, he rests his elbows on his knees, his eyes opting to stare at the cracks and dried gum. His brain’s had enough from all the processing.

What the hell’s wrong with me?

This isn’t like him. You’re dating Kagami. So what? And he’s not a bad guy. He still has you as a friend, and it’s not like he didn’t lose you for good… right?

His body contradicts his rationalizing when his hand tingles against his will… as if it wants to be held by you. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, gritting his teeth before giving a despondent chuckle.

I’m pathetic, aren’t I… all this time, I’ve never realized that…

He sees a flash of your clothes before you disappear around the block, holding your dessert box to-go while still holding hands with Kagami.

… that what I wanted was…

“Dai-chan!” Momoi races to him after emerging from the crowd that you just came out of earlier. He looks up to face her. “I finally got myself their house special! Luckily for you, I got another one before they sold out! Here, be grateful!”

She hands him a daintily packaged box with a fork, and he opens it to face the popular strawberry mille-feuille. He stares at it.

“Uh… is there something wrong?” Momoi tilts her head at his unusual lack of scathing comments, slightly unnerved at his extended silence. Aomine stares at the dessert for a second longer before looking up to see her face contorting into an expression of worry. He averts his gaze.

(“Because I know you’re never honest about your feelings!”)

“... It’s nothing.”

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

True Soulmate - Stray Kids Soulmate AU Series Masterlist

Here you will find all 8 soulmate stories. Each story is set in its own universe; meaning none of the stories are connected. You don’t need to read all of them to understand the others. These will be my first social media imagines so they honestly might suck, but I really hope you enjoy them! 

Bang Chan’s will be released first, after that I’m not sure. I’m currently writing all of them at the same time as ideas come to me. Chan’s is completely written hence why his is being posted first. If there’s any you want to see next, let me know and I’ll see what I can do!

Song For You - Bang Chan

Soul Link - Every song your soulmate sings, you can hear.

Synopsis - Chan honestly believed he didn’t have a soulmate; still he wrote a song for a girl he wasn’t sure existed. A song she heard over and over in her mind. When he heard her singing a familiar song to herself, he was convinced she broke into his studio. How else could she know the song he never released?

Release - December 1, 2021 

completed

~

Dance With Me - Lee Minho

Soul Link - You share the same talents as your soulmate.

Synopsis - Lee Know is a famous dancer with a special talent for cooking. Ln Yn is a famous chef with a special talent for dancing. At the opening of her restaurant, their worlds collide for the first time. And it certainly won’t be the last.

Release - December 27, 2021 

completed

~

Lost And Found - Seo Changbin

Soul Link - Everything you lose ends up in your soulmates possession.

Synopsis - Changbin has always made sure to keep track of all his things, not wanting to burden his soulmate with all his stuff. A courtesy his soulmate doesn’t seem to have. One night at a party, he runs into a girl wearing the exact sweater he seemed to misplace earlier that day. She must have stolen it; Changbin doesn’t lose anything.

Release - February 6, 2022

completed

~

All I Know Is Your Name - Hwang Hyunjin

Soul Link - Name of your soulmate is tattooed on your wrist.

Synopsis - Hyunjin has been waiting for the day he meets his soulmate, but she couldn’t care less. She wanted nothing to do with Hwang Hyunjin, her heart beating for one man and one man only; an anonymous online friend.

Release - March 17, 2022

completed

~

Love Sketched On Skin - Han Jisung

Soul Link - Everything you write on yourself appears on your soulmate.

Synopsis - Jisung would always draw on his arms; small pictures to get him through the day or messages of things he can’t forget. He had no idea someone else could see everything he wrote until he found small words of encouragement before a big performance. 

Release - January 22, 2022

completed

~

Falling In Love - Lee Felix

Soul Link - All your injuries appear on your soulmate.

Synopsis - His friends all knew him as a clumsy guy, but the bruises on his skin seemed excessive. Her friends all saw her as a clumsy person, but she was hiding a dark secret. 

Release - February 22, 2022

completed

~

Lie To Me - Kim Seungmin

Soul Link - You are unable to lie to your soulmate.

Synopsis - Kim Seungmin has harbored a (not so) small crush on his best friend, and that’s why his other friends believe he can never lie to her. There’s no way she could possibly be his soulmate. Seungmin refuses to believe she could ever love him and instead watches as she falls for someone else.

Release - January 9, 2022

completed

~

Countdown To Love - Yang Jeongin

Soul Link - Timer goes off when you meet your soulmate.

Synopsis - The timer on his wrist seemed to take forever to go off. So long that Jeongin forgot it was even there, until he feels a buzzing on his wrist and comes face to face with the girl who was to be the love of his life. There’s only one problem; she’s the one girl in the world that’s off limits to Yang Jeongin.

Release - March 10, 2022

completed

[dreamescapeswriting]

Heather ~ YJN [Request]

⤜WORD COUNT: 3.7K

⤜PAIRING: Jeongin x Fem!Reader

⤜GENRE: angst, LITERALLY NO FLUFF, SAD ending, major character death, mentions of car accidents so please don’t read if you’re not comfortable your mental health comes first my loves x

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - January 2022

⤜ MASTERLIST

The music started and you stared forward, flowers clutched tightly in your hand as you smiled over at Jeongin who was already staring down in your direction. With the biggest smile on his face that you had ever seen him give to somebody, ever. Everything was happening so quickly around you but you felt as though time had stood still, your eyes glued to your best friend as you smiled brightly over at him admiring the way that he looked.

You'd never really seen him dressed like this before besides for award shows and you could have sworn your breath caught in your throat as you took every small step toward him. The giant aisle made it feel as though he was miles and miles away from you, each step feeling like it took a million hours to get to him. There he was dressed up in a black suit and tie, a rose to match the ones that were inside of your bouquet, the one you were clutching so tightly you thought it would fall apart in your hands. 

A small squeeze from Chan bought you back down to reality as you continued to smile staring straight ahead, Chan giving you small squeezes of encouragement whenever he could feel you slipping away. 

As you kept walking you couldn't believe the way Jeongin looked as you continued to inch toward him, heart getting faster as you felt the eyes of everyone inside of the church turning to Jeongin. You did your best to focus on Jeongin and how great he looked in his suit. But He was Jeongin, Of course, he looked good. Jeongin looked good in everything in your opinion. Even if he walked around in nothing but sweats and a baggy shirt you were sure he would still look just as good as he did right now. 

As you finally reached the bottom of the aisle Chan let go of you, your life ring was suddenly gone leaving you fighting for life as you gave him a small look of panic. Chan had been your entire lifeline for the last week and suddenly not having him right beside you felt as though you were going to break apart. This whole week he had been calling to check up on you, doing his best to make sure you were truly okay with everything that was going to happen. 

The last thing he wanted was for you to be uncomfortable since all of this was happening because of him, well kind of. 

You moved to the left side and looked at Jeongin but he wasn't looking at you anymore. Instead, his eyes were already caught on Heather who was walking down the same aisle you had been walking down with Chan. 

Jeongin was completely mesmerized by Heather and you could feel yourself wanting to curl up into a tight ball but instead, your eyes found Chan. Even from across the way he was giving you small looks of encouragement, doing his best to keep you from breaking down in front of everyone. But how could you not? You could still remember all of this happening as if it was only yesterday.

Jeongin laughed as you sat beside him, looking over at the TV doing your best to try and beat Seungmin at the game of Super Smash Bro's you were doing. You'd stolen the controller from Jeongin as you couldn't stand to see him losing again for the tenth time in a row. 

"What date it is?!" Chan could be heard desperately calling from the kitchen, he was no doubt working on yet another song and just wanted to add it to the spreadsheet you and he had created together. It wasn't anything much it was just something to keep track of all of the songs and albums he had been making and when he had made them. 

"Third of December," Changbin mumbled as he tried to keep his concentration on the screen, all of them watching you kick Seungmin's arse for once since it always seemed like they lost against him.

"Innie? Can I borrow a jumper?" You question innocently as the game came to an end and you were displayed as the victor in that round. 

"Sure? Which one this time?" He teased as he headed off into his bedroom to grab one of the many hoodies that you always seemed to steal from him.

You and Jeongin had been friends since you could remember, every time he came home to Busan you were there waiting for him at the train station with a giant sign with his name on it. That was all until you moved to Seoul for your job and to be closer to your best friend, now you lived less than a five-minute walk away from him at the boys at all times. 

"You suck at this game," You teased as Jeongin came back over to you with a black hoodie throwing it into your face as you whined at him, sliding it on over your shirt. 

"You're so mean to me," You pouted fakely, giving the controller to Felix who was going up against Minho this time. The nine of you always tried to hang out like this on the weekends if you could but Jeongin had started getting busier with other things lately. Becoming secretive with everyone beside's chan. 

"Hey, Heather is on her way up," Chan called out as he stared down at his phone. Heather. You'd heard her name mentioned a couple of times but you'd never really spoken or heard the boys speak about her much. All you knew was she was someone that worked closely with the boys. 

"You look good in my sweater," Jeongin said suddenly interrupting you from your small daydream and making you smile. It wasn't until now that you realised just how close you were sitting to one another, your faces inches away from each other. Your heart raced as you thought about kissing him.

Just throwing caution to the wind and finally confessing your feelings for Jeongin but your part of you didn't want to ruin the bond that you had with him. 

"Shut up," You laughed pushing him away by his shoulder but he shook his head at you,

"I'm serious, it looks better on you than it does me. You should keep it." Your heart fluttered at the idea of keeping something of his, something that smelled like him and you nodded. A little stunned on what to say to him when the door opened to the dorms.

Glancing over at it you were completely shocked as the most beautiful girl seemed to walk into the dorms, kicking off her shoes and greeting Chan in the tightest hug. It warmed your heart to see Chan hug her back just as tight but then she glanced over at you and Jeongin and waved. 

"Innie!" She cried out his nickname and you felt your heart shatter. Instantly Jeongin was on his feet practically racing toward her as he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, bringing her as close to his body as he possibly could. 

"That's Heather," Hyunjin whispered as he took Jeongin's spot beside you, filling you in on something you had so clearly missed. 

"We think they've been dating for a while," You nodded along with everything he was saying to you. Your eyes staring at Jeongin as you saw the way his eyes lit up around her, glued to her the entire time. Heather had him completely mesmerized while a part of you felt as though it was dying on the inside. 

How could you have ever been so stupid to think he would ever like you back? You weren't even half as pretty as Heather was, she had everyone's eyes on her. It was clear that they all seemed to find her just as stunning as Jeongin did, maybe even jealous that Jeongin was the one to capture her heart.

"Here," Jeongin slipped off the polyester jumper and handed it to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and smiling brightly at her. The longer you watched the two of them together the more you could feel yourself growing colder despite being wrapped up. 

Part of you wanted to hate Heather for taking Jeongin away from you...But she hadn't. You had never told Jeongin how you felt towards him. You hadn't told another living soul that you seemed to have a big crush on your best friend.

Besides as she began talking to each of the guys you realised she seemed so sweet and kind. 

"Heather, this is Yn...My best friend." Jeongin introduced you both and you smiled at her, doing your best to seem as though you were happy to see her standing there. 

"Innie told me so much about you! I just know we're going to be the best of friends!" She seemed so happy and bubbly as she wrapped her arms around you, hugging you almost as tight as she had held Chan. 

"What are you guys playing?!" She questioned as she turned her attention to the screen, both her and Jeongin sitting down together as he held her close to him.

"You introduced them?" You asked curiously as you and Chan sat down in the kitchen together, he was asking for help on how to add another aspect to his excel sheet but your mind was in other places. Ever since Heather had arrived at the dorms Jeongin's attention had been on her, his arm around her shoulder and keeping her close to him. She'd done everything she could to be nice to you, both of you speaking for hours as she tried to get to know you but you didn't want to know her. You wanted desperately to hate the girl that had stolen Jeongin's heart but she was an angel the perfect girl for your best friend. 

"Yeah, she's a friend and when she came to JYP I introduced her," Chan said absently his eyes glued to his laptop screen as he began to ask you questions again but that was when he realised it. Your attention wasn't on him or his screen but over at Jeongin and Heather and it was as if he could read what was going on inside of you, 

"She's sweet...They're good together," You hummed turning back to his laptop screen as you added a section for a drop-down box. That way he could add if the song had been turned into an skz-Player or added to an album.

"There, now you'll know." You smiled as your eyes went straight back over to Jeongin, your stomach sinking as you watched him bring Heather onto his lap laughing loudly at something she had said. 

You wished you were Heather since Jeongin liked her better than you. Since that day he had announced that he was dating Heather, you had felt yourself being pushed out more and more, finally being left in the cold with only yourself as comfort. Though only part of that was true. Jeongin hadn't been the one to push you out and neither had Heather, you'd done most of it to yourself. Not being able to stand watching them fall harder and harder in love with one another so you didn't. You pushed yourself into your work, becoming busier so you didn't have to watch them together anymore.

Only hanging out when you dearly missed your best friend or you didn't have a good enough excuse not to go around anymore. 

"If anybody here objects, please speak now or forever hold your peace." There it was, your only chance to step forward and tell Jeongin how you were feeling for him. For a brief second your eyes landed on Chan who could already see what you were thinking and he was shaking his head at you. Desperate to try and get you not to do this, not in front of everyone this way. 

"Yn?" Jeongin questioned as he noticed you had stepped forward, gasps emanating from the entire church hall as everyone stared at you. The worse thing was you hadn't even felt yourself move and now everyone was staring at you, waiting for you to speak but you couldn't.

"Sorry...I just-I needed to move my leg." You lied stepping back as you heard Jeongin's parents let out relieved sighs but you stared at Jeongin once again. 

"I object!" You spoke clearly this time as Chan stared at you, a scared look spread across his face as he knew what you were about to do. The two of you had spoken about it the other night when you were almost blackout drunk on Soju. It was the night of the bachelor party and you had joked about standing up and objecting, Chan thought he'd spoken you down from it.

"Yn...This isn't time for jokes," Jeongin's mother hissed at you as you glanced over at her, she of all people could see how clearly you loved Jeongin. 

"Jeongin, this isn't a joke." You explained as you stepped toward him, ignoring as cameras caught everything that was about to happen. People were already bringing out their phones as if this was some kind of K-Drama that they had to record. 

"Yn," He warned in a deep voice, shaking his head at you but you went ahead with it anyway. He deserved to know how you felt about him even if it was too late. 

"I need to tell you how I feel...Fuck, I should have done this a long time ago and I know that-"

"Then stop talking." He ordered as he kept his hand tightly on Heathers, not letting go as he tried to stop you from ruining what was supposed to be his perfect day. Chan had promised him that he would do his best to control you and right now it didn't seem like it. 

"Jeongin I'm in love with you," What followed your words was complete and utter silence. It was so quiet that people would have heard the church mice running around the floor but you were sure they were all just as shocked as the guests. 

"I've been in love with you since we were kids and I can't watch you marry someone else when I love you," Heather was already crying as Jeongin brought her into his arms, wrapping his arm around her body way that he always did.

"I needed you to know how I felt."

"Fuck, you're so selfish!" He suddenly cried out as he stared at you, losing his patience as he watched you single handly mess up everything he had been looking forward to. 

"Innie..." Heather begged as she held onto his chest but he shook his head at her, not wanting to deal with it anymore. 

"Every chance you get you to try to fuck this up and I've had it! Don't you think if I even felt the same I would have said something to you?" A stab in your heart as Jeongin yelled at you in front of everyone in the room, your heartfelt as though it was being crushed into a ball.

"If you thought for one second I could have feelings for you don't you think I would have expressed them before now...Before I decided to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love?!" Guilt weighed down on your chest as he stared over at you, red in the face with anger as he couldn't believe you would do this here and now.

"I've dealt with you trying to break us up before but we're adults! How could you do this?" You stammered over your words as you tried to speak but Jeongin wasn't going to let you get a word in any way. 

"Get out." The way his voice came out calm scared you more than it did when he was yelling at you and you whimpered. 

"Heather was nice, she let you be a part of this wedding when I was against this and you throw it back in her face." You didn't know what hurt more. The fact that he didn't want you at his wedding in the first place or that Heather truly seemed to see you as somewhat of a friend and you had done this to her.

"I'm serious. Get out." You nodded as you frantically turned around to look for an exit that wasn't the giant double doors at the end. 

"GO!" Jeongin boomed as you raced back down the aisle and out into the car park where you were greeted by paparazzi and screaming fans. All of them were mad at you for what you had done inside of that room so you made your way to your car.

Desperately trying to open the door and get away from everyone who was yelling at you, cameras blinding you as you finally got inside. There were fans climbing all over your car, yelling how awful you were and how much they hated you.

20 missed calls from Chan along with voicemails you already knew what they said. It didn't take a genius to imagine what Chan was screaming at you down the phone for. That was why you didn't pick up in the first place, you just kept driving. You kept your eyes on the road as you ignored your phone vibrating on the seat beside you. It wasn't worth answering, not when you already knew what everyone was going to say if you picked up. 

Ever since you'd left the car park your Twitter had been going off only fueling you to drive faster and further away from Seoul. You were going to need to start a whole new life for yourself after just embarrassing yourself in front of everyone you knew, including the internet. 

Another buzz came from your phone making you yell out in frustration. Your hand reached out to the seat beside you, hopelessly searching around for your phone as you kept your eyes on the road in front of you but you couldn't find it.

For one second you took your eyes off the road to find your phone and answered it, 

"Look Chan I know I fucked up but you don't need to call in on me, I'm fine. I'm leaving just like he said." You explained but Chan wasn't in the mood for this, not when he had to just calm down a church full of people and get the wedding back on track. Luckily everyone had watched Jeongin and Heather get married happily and he was standing in the bar where the reception was being held.

"How could you have been so stupid?! We spoke about this!" You remembered because he had wanted to do the same thing. To stop Heather from marrying Jeongin but he hadn't had been foolish to actually go through with it. He saw how happy they were and wasn't going to be the one to wreck it. 

"I get it!" You screamed at him, not wanting to hear another person call you stupid for what you had done. If you could go back and change what you had said you would, you never would have opened your mouth, to begin with.

"No, you don't. Because you still stood up there and ruined their day." Before you could say anything in retaliation you screamed as a black SUV came speeding down the wrong side of the motorway causing you to swerve into the next lane. 

"YN!? YN?!" Chan boomed, concern seeping from his words as he tried to gather what was going on.

"I'm fine...I'm fine, I just...A car came from the other direction but I'm fine." You breathed out heavily as you looked around you, the car was racing down the wrong side of the highway and everyone appeared to be pulling over to get out of the way. Your breathing was erratic as you thought about how differently that could have ended up.

"You sure you're okay?" Chan questioned as he grabbed his car keys, even if you were fine he was still going to come out and see you.

"Fine Chan, relax-" Chan frowned as your voice cut out, only the sound of crushing metal could be heard so he called your name out. Checking that it wasn't his phone suddenly dropping a signal or having problems but your name was still on the screen, 

"Yn!?" He screamed as he began to head out of the reception hall, finding his car in the heated car park. It didn't matter if he was angry at you for what happened in the church you were his friend and the last thing he wanted was for something bad to happen to you.

Something bad had happened to you and other people on the highway that day. Not only had the car been driving in the wrong decoration but it had caused up to fifteen car accidents on that stretch of highway that you had been travelling on. A car had crashed into the back of your car crushing you between the car in front of you and their own car. 

There had been fatal losses that day but most of it had been drowned out by hate comments. Lots of people came out of the woodwork, claiming that it was karma for what you had done. For the most part, comments had been sad, expressing condolences for your family and friends but there were always those mean comments in the background.

Jeongin hadn't bothered to show his face at your funeral, Chan had begged for him to attend. Telling him that it wasn't worth holding a grudge over the dead but Jeongin couldn't face what you had done to him and refused to. 

"Fresh flowers," Chan whispered as he replaced the dead flowers that were on your headstone. Looking at your name that was carved into it and sighing a little, even if you had done something stupid nobody deserved to die the way you had. Alone and in unbearable pain. Letting out a small sigh Chan glanced behind him as he got up from the ground, it wasn't going to be long before reporters found him so he left the fresh flowers and headed back home to the dorms.

⤜ MASTERLIST

Tagline: @minholuvs @taestannie @sw33tnight @acciocriativity @mwitsmejk @taeechwitaa @justbangtanthingz @stillwithlix​ @lolalee24​ @yubinism​ @dancingwithfairiesxx​