#I always forgot how cathartic it is to point at a character who went through something similar and being like

[hptrash-lookaway]

Okay I’m gonna try to articulate my beef with the “Dudley is magical or his kid is magical” trope

(disclaimer first, obviously I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people creating/liking that trope, this is just my personal issue with it)

So like I’ve mentioned before, I was raised in a similar way as Harry (better in some ways, worst in others) where I was fostered by relatives who had their own bio kid who they adored and spoiled rotten while I was left with hand me downs and the barest bones

And coming from that similar background, I just,,, I fucking hate that the only way for Dudley to apparently ever really try to patch things up with Harry is if he experiences it himself, because once again, everything has to revolve around Dudley, god forbid he try to reach out to Harry just to know how Harry’s feeling and show some concern for him!!

Also, in my experience, one of the things I was hated for was being obviously autistic, and then the relative I was raised with had an autistic kid, and suddenly everyone’s fine with autistic people!! Cause it was actually just me they hated!! And they still do!! So “Dudley’s kid being magical” just makes me think that Petunia and Vernon would fucking just decide oh they’re cool with magical kids now, while still insisting Harry himself is a freak, because it was always just Harry and who his mom was that was the problem!!! (Truthfully I think they wouldn’t actually be like that, but then again, I didn’t suddenly expect my “family” to suddenly be okay with autism)

Also I just think the Wizarding World should be a safe place for Harry, maybe it’d be fun if Dudley visited, but Harry should never have to suffer Dudley or his kid having access to it any time they want

[toomanylegos]

MAG Episode 200

I decided to write down my thoughts on the final episode in a completely separate post. I felt like I would have lot to say and analyze after the episode was done and it would've been too much for the reblog chain I made.

I was right.

So, I started listening to this podcast ages ago. Like I mean sometime early last year and then stopped; forgot everything that happened and restarted from the beginning then proceeded to take long breaks in-between more upsetting episodes to keep me sane.

I went into this as someone who doesn't really listen to podcasts and doesn't have much interest in tragedies. I'm more likely to pick an animated film or an action anime or a fantasy novel or a short hurt/comfort fic than a 200 episode horror tragedy podcast.

Buuuuuuut my dearest Eggo had introduced me to the characters and the story. They talked about how much they loved the horror elements, the characters, the world; she encouraged me to give it a listen and reassured me that it was completely worth it. Obviously, she convinced me.

Despite the fact that my soul is shattered due to the emotional series finale, I'm so glad I gave this podcast a chance and I'm glad Eggo rambled about it to me. If they didn't, I wouldn't have come to a wonderful realization...

Tragedies are heartbreakingly beautiful.

I loved learning about these characters and seeing how they dealt with these horrible situations and impossible odds; I had to take so many breaks because if I binged MAG for too long I would become completely miserable due to the pure agony that Jon and everyone around him goes through.

However, there were always these little moments in between the agony. These small conversations between characters; a private reflection; a light joke. A pressure release for the audience that reminded me what, I believe, tragedies are meant to do -- highlight the beauty in the painful and be a cathartic outlet as well as a lesson.

I still don't like angst very much. I don't see the appeal of going into a piece of media that has no sense of comfort in it. Funnily enough, despite the genre space it sits in, MAG is comforting to me.

It brought me the love story of Jon and Martin -- together til the very end and learning to communicate and be with each other. Something that came to me at a point where I am considering pursuing a relationship myself and fear the hurdles I may face. Their story put my own worries just a tad at ease. The way I related to them and the way their fears are handled in the story helped -- are still helping me -- handle my own.

It brought me themes of humanity and monstrosity and how thin of line that can be. It brought me into worlds of flesh, and dark, and sky, and twisting corridors that made my head spin and my heart race.

Most of all, it brought me hope -- something I only realized in episode 199. The hope that even when your world is ending there is something that can be done. The faith in a chance that things can be better if you decide to take that leap.

That good old saying...

"It's always darkest before the dawn."

Now, after finishing The Magnus Archives, I can move on.

So, as I type this with teary eyes and a scattered brain, I would like to say that I loved The Magnus Archives; I have a better appreciation for the tragic and horrible.

I can seek out The Mechanisms and experience more of Jonny Sims' wonderful work.

I can start listening to Rusty Quill Gaming and listen to Alex's DM style and all of the team's adventures.

I can seek out more works produced by the wonderful people over at Rusty Quill.

And most of all, I can catch up with The Magnus Protocol and I can finally say...

They put my bois in the fuckin' 'puter

[awesome-cookies-and-cream]

Reki and Langa’s dynamic

It’s speculation at my part and a shameless rant on what i like about sk8 just to get it off my chest I’ve been so fixated help

it’s 5am I’m at uni and i have a shit ton to do, am I really gonna make an essay about sk8 instead? yes abso-fucking-lutely. strap on to your metaphorical skateboards kids. this is going to be long ride

this isn’t to call out anyone lol so in case you get that impression I’m sorry. I understand everyone is out to interpret media in whatever they like and that’s fine, but sometimes i feel like either some missed some points of the story? anyway here are my thoughts tho

alright so what i absolutely love about sk8 is how they didn’t make anyone into a genius.Genius is a mockery of the hardships everyone does to attain that level of skills. And no Langa is not a genius or a prodigy which I will explain later. I’ve seen enough shounen animes back in the day and usually it’s ‘annoying heart of gold beginner vs. calm and collected genius’ they usually hate each other’s guts and bicker all the time though secretly, deep down care for each other but would rather die than admit it dynamic. While I’m glad we’re moving past that, I really thought Reki and Langa would be like that so....

imagine my surprise when Langa was the ‘beginner’ in skating. He has the potential to be a second sasuke here lol. (blue, handsome, cool) but no he isn’t. he’s an adorable idiot, an airhead, head empty only skating dude and i love it. 

Reki as well. He could have been the usual protagonist. (sucks at his sport, loud, hardworking, and by the power of friendship he suddenly beats everyone else which i think is pretty overused at this point, don’t you think?) some people complain how Reki despite being the MC isn’t given screentime and hasn’t won a single beef. (and sure that’s true. he should have won some and langa lose some but we only have 12 eps so lol) but he’s not the usual protagonist you know? and sk8 isn’t about winning. if it was, I think they would have focused on the techniques. the hows and the what to do.

Idk if you noticed, but sports anime with winning in its goal would often explain in detail certain techniques. (see haikyuu) but shows like Free and Yuri on Ice isn’t exactly talking about how to win that seriously as Haikyuu did. It’s more focusing on the feelings and how their lives are affected with their passion for this sport. it’s about the character development!!! and i think SK8 is something like that too. It explores the character’s feelings rather than sport. (like what i tell my sister, they use the sport as a character device if that makes sense?)

this was literally in the opening lol. it’s really about the feelings you know?

so anyway it’s been pointed out several times that Reki was already feeling insecure about his skills in skating since ep 1 way before Langa came. But he still likes to skate and despite feeling never enough, he still enjoyed it. (some also pointed out that Reki’s reason of going into a beef against Shadow has been because he insulted his way of skating not because he wanted to be the best) so the show from the get go was already hinting at his self esteem issues.

this also implies that Reki has always been feeling like this in a while, added with his tendencies to bottle things up, it makes sense that he’ll blow up at some point and he’ll need to release all of those feelings. (so yeah i think this is just the right amount of eps for their fall out. i see some people complaining shush. otherwise it would also feel too rushed. this is years weighing him)

and i guess it’s also implied in here he’s had days like these too in the past! seriously it’s an ongoing problem he’s been carrying. i think 3 eps is pretty good enough pace to internalize it

so point: Reki was already down way before Langa came. langa just added to that. And don’t go blaming Langa cause the boy did nothing wrong.

Consider that Langa just lost his dad (i think we need more backstory on this though. please sdsjkdksl i need little Langa and his dad interactions) he just moved countries, and the only connection to his dad (snowboarding) is gone cause it doesn’t snow in OKinawa

though one also argues that Langa hasn’t been snowboarding since his dad was gone.

so for Langa, Reki introducing skating to him was revolutionary. You’re someone grieving over the death of what is probably the most important person in your life, the thing you love the most no longer gives you joy (as was shown in the flashbacks and basically Langa going ‘it’s the same’) and you’re in a new country with a language you barely are fluent. you can’t even read or write, and you barely have friends granted you don’t have much back in the day. it’s horrible.

and then this guy you barely know talks to you, befriends you, helps you get a job, and teaches you something you thought you’ve lost and through that you made more friends??

yeah you see why Langa likes Reki. You also see why he’s obsessed with skating. It’s kind of like a coping, a fixation. plus he’s bad with social cues i guess? the interview says he’s likely to get dumped for being too inattentive lmao and that’s what makes him interesting!

also the thing that really surprised me when they first interacted was how supportive Reki is to Langa. it also got to me with how much Langa thinks highly of Reki. Again a deviation to the ‘i say i hate you but deep down i care for you’ trope. they’re full on supportive and protective. i like that. it’s fresh to me. I thought Reki was going to the tsundere ‘hmph that’s not a big deal’ route at the start of ep 2 but he’s really amazed. (kinda also says he’s been very desperate for someone to share skating with but that’s another topic)

so Reki teaches Langa how to skate. and Langa sucks. Which was interesting to me because I thought Langa would be some flawless prince-like character. But nah. He trips and faints at his own blood lol. He’s so uncool and i love it.

Some people say Langa is over powered with a thick ass plot armor which gets him to win (which is why i see people saying he should have won against Joe and I actually agree that Langa should lose some beefs but again only 12 eps, so little time)

but I still wanna talk about it anyway so it’s revealed Langa was snowboarding since 2. That’s 15 years. I think that should be around the same time Joe and Cherry should be skating. and i think if you start earlier as a kid, your body develops differently. (should Langa, “an amateur��� win against Joe a pro? the question falls more on whether you can classify Langa as an amateur) i think it’s like Langa being very used to motorcycle tricks from age 2 then suddenly he’s using a regular bicycle, and sure the feeling is mostly the same but there’s just something off. Your body doesn’t easily forget what you know, especially if it did it for 15 years. and so Reki customizes a board for Langa so it’ll feel exactly like snowboarding

So Langa has a customized board that he needed to get used to before he went pro. He really sucked the first few eps lmao. but that’s more of him getting used to the new rules. he pretty much told Reki in ep 2 that he can’t do a skateboard ollie, but he can do a snowboard one bec it’s attached to his feet.

(i may just want to add that one thing i also like about sk8 is that it really doesn’t care what you need for accommodation? if that’s how you do it best, then go for it. When Langa says to Reki he can’t do the ollie without the board attached to his feet, Reki immediately goes his way to accommodate him. usually people in real life might say ‘it’s not real skateboarding if you need a modification etc. but look at Cherry with a freaking AI board and people are like yeah whatever do what you want man. whatever rolls your board.)

so anyway Langa vs. Joe with Langa winning despite being an amateur? if you can even call him an amateur that is. Plus all his tricks are snowboarding tricks lol. everything he’s done is testament to his 15 years of snowboarding?? We don’t even know how good Langa is in snowboarding. Someone make a post about how difficult the snowboarding equivalent of those tricks Langa has done just to show people it means he’s pretty pro (I’ll even argue maybe Langa’s real talent is his creative ways of going around things which kind of why Adam is highkey obsessed, and calls Cherry who calculates everything to the last second boring but that’s a different can of worms I’m opening later) plus Langa barely won against Joe so there’s not much difference in level i think. Should Langa have lost though?

I think some have missed the point of that beef in Reki’s pov. and if the Renga reconciliation is done well, it would be worth it.

that beef got Reki to realize he what he really wants! that it’ll kill him if he can’t skate anymore! that he doesn’t wanna only cheer on for others and be a support! THAT HE WANTS TO SKATE BY LANGA’S SIDE WHICH IS THE REASON FOR ALL THIS INSECURITIES if Langa lost, that cathartic realization might not have happened. He might have gone to Langa and cheered him up, brushed off his insecurities and, made up with Langa halfheartedly without addressing his problems

I’m going to go back to Reki’s insecurities. In ep 6 he’s been afraid of being left behind, and sure Langa came back for him but he still forgot until midway. (will that parallel how Langa got too excited with the idea of skating, the same feeling he thought he lost forever. The same thing that he thinks connects him with his dad, and might have left Reki behind, but later remembers and goes back to chase him? hopefully) in ep 4 it’s obvious he’s afraid of the near death experience Adam gave him, and he’s just realized how different their skills were. in ep 5 he worries about Langa, enough to get nightmares about it. mixed with his friend getting hurt. it’s obvious the feelings are very very muddled there.

So he begs Langa not to skate with Adam.

And what did Langa do? say that he wanted to skate with Adam. (again he’s not the most attentive. he probably thinks he’s just skating with his best friend, all is good then boom. Reki leaves. as a person shit with dealing with other people, i don’t blame him at all) he’s trying to fix it though, but his bond with Reki primarily revolves around skating! how else was he going to warm up with Reki? He also doesn’t know that Reki has self esteem issues that’s always been there since the beginning. He probably doesn’t understand it too because he holds Reki up highly. in ep 6 when Reki was going over his board, Langa thinks he’s pretty cool. he didn’t hear what other said to Reki. He’s earnestly having fun with his friend

We should also note that Reki was never angry at Langa’s skills, he wasn’t resentful that Langa was far ahead. Again he’s been nothing but supportive. He doesn’t want to pull Langa down. He wasn’t like Miya’s friends that lashed out at Miya for being better. in ep 7 he tries his best to follow Langa

it feels like he’s mostly regretful that he can’t catch up. he doesn’t want Langa to slow down, he wants to go faster and meet him where he was. So it makes the realization that all he wants to do was be in equal with Langa more frustrating because he thinks he can’t keep up. (and this only ever started when he heard he’s like Langa’s plus one. there’s that daunting feeling about being pulled around. not being his equal) 

if you need further proof, when Langa and Joe were having a beef, he wasn’t aggressively hoping Langa would lose. in fact he encouraged him. He worries deeply He calls him out when he was doing badly. Still very supportive as ever. So really the frustration isn’t to Langa, again, it’s all internal. He wants to be better

so he’s feeling shit and Langa goes to him in the middle of the rain, bless langa for trying, thinking talking about skating (what he thinks Reki loves and would probably cheer him up, not knowing that’s exactly his problem) tells him

which is probably the worst he could say.

THAT’S what got Reki mad, not really Reki being insecure though that’s part of it, that’s what they’re fighting about, Reki is angry he’s breaking his promise. He thinks Langa doesn’t care about Reki, that he’ll easily break a promise between them that Reki obviously cares about just so he can go skate with Adam who is way better than him. It blows to the self esteem. Reki probably also think that if only he was better, langa wouldn’t bother skating with someone that dangerous. it doesn’t help at all.

but langa doesn’t know this. he doesn’t see all this. Langa might have been too up the high of skating like in ep 6, he sorta left Reki behind again.

it kinda makes Langa’s mom’s words hit harder though

and he did just that. he got too engrossed.

It parallels adam, cherry and joe’s friendship then probably tadahsi’s too but who knows? reki and langa, and tadashi and adam might parallel too, the master and the student thingy Adam might have gotten too obsessed. So Joe trying his best to make sure Reki and Langa won’t end up like them hits a little harder in my chest ;’)

but Langa won’t be to engrossed i think

because unlike Adam who’s aggressively looking for his ‘equal’, Langa is just looking for someone who makes his heart beat, to make him feel like he’s skating with his dad again, someone he loves dearly. (there’s a parallel about loves here too between Adam’s and Langa’s. but I can’t write it now) and he probably already thinks Reki is his equal anyway. He just wants to have fun. he doesn’t think much about the skills.

maybe at first he does. that’s why he’s drawn to Adam but from ep 9, it was pretty much shown that skills really doesn’t matter from when he skated against Joe

if Adam easily discarded his friends because he think they’re boring (which was why the whole skateboard to the face thing with Cherry), langa doesn’t think like that

if anything Reki is important to Langa because he only has fun skating with Reki, who taught him how to skate and made his board. (his board that was customized to fit his style btw, and arguably the only reason he could skate that well. without it, he might as well be a beginner once again.) so without reki, langa is left with nothing. especially with his broken board

no fun in skating, no way of skating. He’s only manage to get this far because of Reki and he knows that now. All of it would be pointless if he doesn’t have Reki (and either he gets so obsessed in chasing that feeling again, or he stops completely) but in case you haven’t noticed it, Langa’s motivation revolves around having fun with skating no matter the skill or place. And he’s having most fun with Reki.

But Reki obviously doesn't know Langa’s feelings. He thinks Langa was forever looking for someone better. So he’s still caught up in the idea that Langa won’t want to skate with him (even though Langa has never shown this) and he left S entirely, thinking what he wants is impossible. fucking just talk you two motherfucker

(I also wanna point out that Reki has always been shown from episode one to be good at making boards. And that’s amazing? We need some support recognition and appreciation, seriously) I think maybe most who find problem with Reki not winning beefs like the usual shounen protags aren’t used to the nuance and perspective of being someone ‘ordinary’. Reki’s character is relatable because most of us feel ordinary, never enough, surrounded by geniuses, ‘inferior’. And if we’re being realistic since a lot are saying joe should have won because langa winning is unrealistic and you want realism so bad no I’m not salty at all there will always be someone better than you. ALWAYS. but what’s important is for you to have fun in what you love! in what makes you happy! AND even if you’re not good at one thing (in Reki’s part, skating) he’s also good at other things (making boards) so does he need to stop one for the other? no. He’s shown to enjoy skating with Langa, he doesn’t wanna stop it hurts him so much he quit. But he can also hone his skills in making boards as well as skate. He’s equal with Langa in a way he doesn’t even notice when he made that board for Langa, but even Reki’s presence alone makes Langa enjoy skating the way Reki also wants Langa by his side.

So I think the next ep is the best time to confront all these feelings. And how it happens might be what’s tricky. Like romantic or not, i personally can read it both ways though i prefer if they do become canon. (idk if it’s queerbaiting. i guess friends can care as deeply as that but ngl, these shounen bestfriends having deep connections that are written off as friends while also giving us bland af hetero love interests who did nothing but exist and be straight really is messing with my perception of romantic and platonic love irl) anyway their talk better be done really well, or else all those episodes of tension would be for nothing

It’s a nice perspective to give a shounen protagonist this time. It’s new, it’s fresh. How many incarnations of underdog turned the best at their craft can you take? variety is nice! and if you don’t like it, there are always a dozen other animes like that for you to turn to. to conclude, IT ALL GOES BACK TO THE START: WHAT IS YOUR HAPPINESS???! AND FOR THEM IT’S THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BUT IN A VERY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. FRIENDSHIP DOESN’T  SUDDENLY GET YOU TO LEVEL 100000000000 TO DEFEAT THE FINAL BOSS. FRIENDSHIP IS WHAT MAKES DEFEATING THE FINAL BOSS WORTHWHILE

Anyway tldr; maybe the real Eve is the friends we made along the way :D  and idk if I’m making sense but obviously I’m head empty only sk8. Renga needs to talk, i can’t believe they have the audacity to make a recap episode as if i wasn’t head empty only sk8 since february, and if there’s more emotional edging to come, i will burn some of the palm trees outside my house

[konaizumi]

Manner of Death ep 14 thoughts/reactions

this was quite the episode, huh?

i know pued is still trash but at least he tried i guess (even if he didn’t get very far)

also rung really just keeps getting worse and worse, huh

i forgot to say this last week but pued really had a secret burner phone with a video of jane’s death and he didn’t have any kind of passcode on it?

bun’s little eyeroll at “because i don’t want to be your brother”

even por wanted them to release the video

yes, bun, call out tan’s self destructive behaviors

That and sorawit are so cute

okay but why didn’t the bad guys have guns trained on them from the start, like??

tan’s little look of “really?” when That gets caught

this whole scene is honestly a bit of a mess

i know your ego couldn’t handle not killing them executioner style but if you had killed them when you already had a bunch of guns trained on them, you’d all be free right now

i didn’t think M would actually kill gun but good for him

“why aren’t you injured” “bc you’re a shitty marksmen” *proceeds to kill gun how gun tried to kill him but actually succeeds*

there’s nothing sexier than when a characters hits someone over the head with a stick or a pipe or something

Tan, is this really the time to be teasing That

i love the writers but i swear they’ve never used technology or social media, was there a need for the hacker guy to make the virus when the technology exists to upload a video and set it to be released at a later time? like they coulda done that then it wouldn’t matter what rung did with the video

lol tan trying to tell bun that he doesn’t have secrets on his computer

also them acting like gps is some incredible technology

also rung is like one of the smartest criminals, why did she keep the phone and not smash it then throw the remains in a fire

also i always have this problem with shows but where exactly are they posting these videos that everyone’s getting a notification and instantly watching them? they avoided this problem with the facebook stuff in earlier eps bc it took a little while to get around and seemed to spread mostly through word of mouth

also why did the police officers just check their phones in the middle of this?

watching M arrest commander tung was cathartic

that tanbun hug

yes, my girl nam! unrelated but she looks so pretty with her hair like that

i also didn’t think rung would die but congrats to por for getting revenge

the woman who plays rung is a really good actress

i can’t believe m x oat is now canon, i love it, they’re adorable

awww, nam wants to be a doctor, nam desrves to live such a long and happy life doing everything she wants

not that That and sora aren’t super cute and I don’t want to complain but how easy would it have been for sora to kiss That on the cheek when he got on the motorcyle

i can’t believe how insane tan is, he’s lucky he’s cute

but damn as soon as I saw the box i was like ‘there better be a ring inside’

but the whole proposal was beautiful with the well edited flashback, it’s just *chef’s kiss*

now if it were me, i prob would’ve given tan a good slap before saying yes, but i guess bun’s used to it at this point

THEY’RE MARRIED!!!!!

im not crying, you are

god, the very last scene, with them in the matching white, the gorgeous view, just the nature sounds in the background, the sunset

im def not crying right now

the forehead touch

damn but that view tho

so, was the actual plot stuff a bit anticlimatic? yeah. did i still love the finale? with all my heart, like they really went above and beyond with the happy ending

i just love this show so much and i’m so sad it’s over, it was truly on another level

[lookwhatilost]

alright, so, i wanted to make one post about the cat person thing and be done with it forever, but my thoughts about it have been ping-ponging for the entire 7 hours of my shift because i tend to get lost in my own thoughts when i’m on service bar. and i need to vocalize or i will go crazier than i already am. so, let’s see, how should i condense a night’s worth of stream-of-consciousness into something vaguely resembling a post with a point? well, i don’t know if i can do that succinctly, so i’m shoving my best attempts under a cut.

so, the cat person story draws pretty heavily on these aesthetics that we’ve come to associate very heavily with nerdy misogynists. he’s the fedora tipper. he’s the brony with the friend zone complex. he’s coded in the way so that as a reader, it should come as no surprise that he’s the asshole, delusionally believing he’s a “nice guy,” and would call a woman a “whore” for rejecting him. but, as it turns out, the real robert in this story had a completely normal relationship with this woman who was several years his junior, and this toxic power dynamic thing is something kristen roupenian extrapolated from this guy’s instagram upon noticing he was a geeky dude who was previously dating a woman younger than him. the man who fit so neatly into the stereotype of how terrible men look, crammed into a story where he behaves terribly that’s meant to be cathartic for women to read about, was never a terrible man by any metric.

the reality behind the story almost feels like this bizarre, meta-textual commentary about how we all use one another in varying ways. or how we all fall into this trap of making these strange assumptions about other people based on something we’re projecting. or how we really have no way of knowing what the people around us are thinking. what bothered me the most when i read it was how emotionally difficult it was for the author feeling almost compelled to re-evaluate a relationship she remembered relatively fondly because it had been manipulated to fit this narrative of abusive power dynamics that had been foisted upon it with the basis of, well, nothing grounded in reality.

i wrote earlier about how my reaction to cat person was, and always has been, one of frustration from hearing female friends tell me that same story over and over, and getting irritated with them for repeatedly sleeping with men they had trouble assessing and being shocked every time when the bad signals coagulated into a clot of sheer disgust during sex. how i always wanted to grab them by the strings of their hoodies and yell “why are you so diametrically opposed to trusting your goddamn instincts? how have you not figured out that this inevitable result of hopping into bed with someone who’s making you uncomfortable?” knowing full well that i couldn’t convince them of this if they convinced themselves. relating not to margot, but a hypothetical friend that margot might have shared this story with. even that as an aside, there was this nebulous thing about it that bugged me, more that it echoing a story i was beyond sick of hearing, more than it’s shameless deployment of the m’lady stock character, more than reading it as someone who had been celibate for a year and not connecting with it as someone probably outside the intended audience. something about it just... picked at me. but i never thought too seriously about it. i ignored the annoying twitter discourse about it and didn’t find it compelling enough to actively hate so i basically just forgot about it

when i reread it this morning, my mind immediately went to thomas and milan (who is nb, but this example still works imo). they’re probably the closest thing to CatPerson_irl that I’ll ever encounter in my life. i used to work with thomas at b&b, just a profoundly horrible character from every angle. i’ve never met someone in my life who was easier to dislike. he was this 39 year old divorcee (though he looked considerably younger) who couldn’t go a day without using his ex as a punchline. his broader sense of humor came off like he’d stolen a master list of rejected jokes from South Park and married them with boomer comics. he vocally loved ben shapiro and pumping and dumping significantly younger women who weren’t aware of his geriatric status. milan, a 22 year old bar regular that I later befriended, was one of them. incidentally, milan is the same age that I was when I read that short story for the first time.

our mutual friends found it baffling that milan still spoke to him after admittedly feeling used and didn’t avoid the bar like the plague. especially thomas of all people, someone who didn’t even have enough self-awareness to hide his misogynistic ways and seemed to view everything with a vagina as a potential sexual conquest – myself included. we theorized that he had turned to pickup artistry after his divorce and we would all mock him relentlessly for it. but never did this in front of milan, who still felt some strange urge to defend him, even though they were in a relationship with someone else now and had no reason to do this.

the last thing on earth i want to do is concede that something as rotten as thomas could have anything resembling a soul, or depth, or charm, or goodness. but the more i think about it, the more i realize that i’ve had relationships of all flavors that have involved imbalanced power dynamics, and frankly, the jury’s still out on how i feel about them. i mentioned that part of my reason for revisiting it was seeing how i reacted to it in my post-andrew world, and i want to return to that thought.

some of you may remember the infamous story where andrew was drunk very early in the day. i was sitting with him on my couch and babysitting him, and he began getting very handsy with me. i told him that i was uncomfortable and to stop, so proceeded to undress before immediately losing consciousness and falling asleep on the couch. it was objectively not good, and while i struggled to process this through the sheer absurdity of it all, it was one of many incidents related to his alcoholism that would eventually lead to me terminating that relationship. but in spite of that, it’s hard for me to condemn him as a bad person entirely. he could be, it’s not really my place to weigh in on it. i look back on him and i feel a lot of good things, even with the awareness that he was a mean drunk who would frequently behave in strange, irrational ways in his inebriation. even if i could come to a conclusion, i don’t really know what that begets. i guess i’d be angrier at him, maybe, but i can’t say that it’s a useful thing to feel about something that happened years ago.

what really doesn’t make sense is how i feel angrier towards nikki, someone i confided in about this happening, who later forwarded the information i’d told her to this local abuser watch women’s group, saying that he tried to rape me. i was furious, and given a long list of extremely bizarre behavior, a lot of which involved removing most or all of his clothing before doing something strange, it’s hard to say that’s what even happened. it was a shameful moment for me, shameful that i didn’t see it as something that would indicate his future behavior, shameful that this information was being disseminated to people who knew we were together and knew we broke up. and i was angry at her for a long time for it, even if that’s not fair. and there are plenty of people who have done worse things to me than either of them, less legally defined as something like attempted rape (maybe?) and more vindictive than not being a friend to me in the way i need it, and it’s just shit i sit with and have this whole oil smear of complicated, contradictory, and not entirely rational feelings towards. and i feel sometimes that there’s this thing that happens in feminist or women’s spaces where it’s frowned upon to acknowledge how heavy this kind of confusion can be.

the “whore” at the end of cat person was meant to elicit a specific response, this kind of catharsis for a reader who saw it coming through it’s shameless m’lady stock character employment and feels validated through seeing it coming. this is what being a woman is. this is what navigating a dating pool in a world full of horrible men is. it shatters any lingering ambiguity or confusion that often comes with the territory of wondering if the revulsion is justified or just a mismatch in chemistry, or misreading of a room, and jettisons the idea that it could ever be more complicated than that. i guess that’s always what put me off about it. and i feel like that fictional story, juxtaposed against a real one it’s based on about unanswered questions that we won’t ever fully be able to hash out... something about that will always be more real to me.

[j-whirl44]

A Binding Ache Remains Within

Hey hi what’s up you ever love a key relationship and dynamic between two characters that is actually so intricate and beautiful but the main medium of the franchise they’re in never really takes time to explore it????

Or is it just me?

Anyways I wrote this Poe & Leia fic because I love them both so much and their mother & son bond will always be the death of me. It’s sort of in a “Missing Scene” format in three chunks from TFA, TLJ, and TROS.

This in general was just very cathartic for me to write and it’s a dynamic Ive wanted to write about for a while I just didn’t know how lmao.

Enjoy!!

Title From: I’ll Be Your Skin by Sara Kendall

Read it on Ao3 (x)

1: D’Qar Resistance Base

Poe woke up with a splitting headache for the second day in a row. He squeezed his eyes shut just as quickly as he opened them, the harsh light of fluorescents above mixed with the buzz on machines by his side overstimulated him.

He tried again, this time using his arm that wasn’t bound to wires and needles to shield his face as he slowly opened his eyes. He let out a long breath as he groaned and tried to get up from the stiff and cold medical cot.

He’d been confined to the med bay since he came back to D’Qar two days ago. He lumbered in limping and filthy and about to pass out. People watched him as if they’ve seen a ghost and Poe suspected they might have thought they were. It’d been a week and a half since he was taken by the First Order and since losing Beebee-Ate he had no way to securling send a signal from Jakku letting them know he was alive.

Though he wished he wasn’t.

He tried to talk to Leia immediately, but the General shook her head and sent him to get patched up with a look in her eye that told Poe now was not the time to argue.

A nurse wailed next to him as he tried to get to his feet. He looked at her with a tinge of annoyance.

“I need to talk to the General. I’ve been tied up here for two days now. I’m fine,” he said trying his hardest to drown out the pounding between his eyes. He could tell the nurse saw right through him, but nevertheless most people on this ship are aware how Poe can be when he sets his mind to something. She walked up to him carefully removed the various mechanisms in him.

Poe nodded his thanks and turned to rush out of the small room before the nurse wailed at him again. She handed him some sort of pill and a cup of water. Poe looked hesitant at it. The nurse pointed at his head. Poe blushed and took it, instantly he felt some of the weight in his head decompress. He looked back at her with a grateful look as he went to go find Leia.

“Poe? What are you doing here,” Leia asked as he stepped into the briefing room where she and a few other officers were going over their daily checklist.

“Doc gave me the all clear, did my droid come back? What’s happening,” he asked. The room was still and silent, save a few beeps from monitors. Poe didn’t like it.

“I’m afraid there’s been no sign of Beebee-Ate since he was sent off with you to Jakku. We have reason to believe the First Order has him-”

“No,” Poe interrupted, other officers around him went stiff at the intensity he just cut of the General, but Leia didn’t flinch, “No he escaped when…” Poe trailed off. His head pulsed as he tried to remember everything that happened since being captured and tortured. His eyes widened, “Beebee-Ate! I-I told the First Order he had the map to Luke. They know.”

He said the last two words more to himself than the room. His hands clumped into fists. His shoulders drop. Gasps are heard around the room as he feels their eyes burn onto him. Leia cleared her throat, which snapped everyone’s attention back to her.

“Give us the room please,” she said. The room made its way out the door. The two of them stood across from each other in silence.

Poe’s mouth was dry, he couldn’t look in Leia’s direction. “Sit, Commander,” she said as she walked and took a seat at one of the tables near the window. He didn’t move, his body bristled with fear and shame. “Poe,” Leia whispered. The sound of his name snapped him back to the present just enough to take her invitation. He sat stiff and focused on his hands.

“What happened. We heard about the attack on this village…”

‘The village,’ Poe thought. They attacked so fast and so strong against unsuspecting people. He sees flashes of it now, the screams, the sounds of blasters, the heat of his exploded x-wing on his back as he watched Kylo Ren kill Lor San Tekka.

Then he remembers being on the ship. How dark and cold it was. Being strapped into the chair, IT-O droid next to his face; Kylo Ren himself in front of him. Remembers him invading Poe’s mind. Breaking through whatever defenses Poe tried to put up to keep him from seeing where the map was. More importantly who had it.

But he got it anyway, after what felt like hours of agony Poe gave in showing the scene right there for Kylo. Leaving his droid out in the open.

He failed the mission. He failed the Resistance. He failed…

“Poe,” Leia said again, which again brought the pilot out of his own head. She looked at him with the same kind eyes she always did. She reached out and grabbed his forearm and squeezed it. Poe felt himself relax a bit. “It’s not your fault,” Leia said. He bit back a sarcastic laugh; his face twisted around as it tried to stay neutral. Leia furrowed her brow, “There was no way you could’ve known about the First Orders ambush because we didn’t even know about it.”

“I should’ve saw the signs,” he counted. Leia scoffed.

“What signs, Commander? There were no signs. We both were after the same thing. We thought we got to it first. We clearly didn’t-”

“Maybe they were tracking my X-Wing somehow. Has anyone ran diagnostics yet? Maybe I-” Poe stopped when Leia smacked him behind the head. He yelped as he ran a hand to rub the spot.

“In case you forgot in that thick skull of yours, Commander Dameron, you’re part of a crew. A whole resistance. It’s not just you that makes mistakes. This wasn’t your fault,” she said.

There she went again, those eyes now stared at him with a mixture of anger along with the kindness. Like any mother would look at her son when they were being difficult.

Poe sunk in his chair. She was right; it wasn’t his fault. In the beginning maybe, but everything that came after…

“But now I really have led them straight to it, General, Kylo Ren-he…” he didn’t know how to continue. He knew how much it hurt Leia to talk about he son. Her real one.

“What happened. Please, tell me,” she urged.

Poe cleared his throat, “He...forced his way into my mind. He saw my memories,” his fists on the table clenched tighter, “old and new.”

Leia looked away, face as stoic as ever, but Poe could see through the cracks.

“General I’m sorry. He was too powerful. I was too weak, he saw me store the part of the map on to Beebee-Ate. He knows,” he hesitated, “he knows where it is.”

Silence again fell between them as they both looked down at the floor.

Poe felt defeated. He felt like shit; lower than shit even. He remembered what he was thinking while he was still tied up after the interrogation, he thought all there was left to do was die. He failed the mission and he failed hard. He was ready and willing to accept whatever fate the gods had in store for him.

His eyes started to sting as he blinked back tears. He jumped when Leia’s hand grabbed his own.

“Poe, that still isn’t your fault. You were being tortured,” Leia said, the last word thick in the air, “you didn’t have a choice in the matter. What’s important now is you’re back here and you can help us fight like you always have.”

Poe was always so in awe of her. He’s known this woman almost all his life. Known what she’s gone through, whether it be first hand experience or through the little stories he was told by his father. He’s seen her still be so vulnerable yet strong all these years. It inspired Poe to just be a better person.

“I failed everyone, I failed you, General,” he said ashamed.

“You haven’t failed yet. Luke still hasn’t been found by anyone yet. We can still do this,” she said as she squeezed his hand, “together.”

Poe closed his eyes. A few tears finally fell as he nodded.

He thought of his parents and what they say to him right now.

And then he thought it’d probably be everything the General just did.

2: Resistance Escape Pod; Above Crait

“A mutiny, Poe? Really?” she said as she looked down at the unconscious pilot in front of her. He looked peaceful and it was one of the times he wasn’t actively being a pain in the ass. She smiled a little as she remembered the dumbstruck look on his face right before she stunned him, “You got your love of flying from your mother but your impulse from your father,” she said with a slight chuckle.

It had only been a few hours since Leia had woken up after being spaced. She heard quick news about what Poe was doing and all she could do after hearing about it was roll her eyes and head towards the bridge to do all but drag that man out by the ear.

Leia knew there was not a lot of men out there like Poe. His heart was big, although sometimes his ego was bigger. He would sacrifice himself before letting anyone fall in his place even though losing him would be a major blow to the Resistance. Not only for morale, but there isn’t anyone that can fly a ship like him; except maybe his mother.

Leia remembered when she died. Hearing word from Han who heard from Kes. Her heart ached; knowing they had a young son. She arranged a trip to Yavin 4 where Poe and Ben zoomed around the backyard together, blissfully unaware of the heaviness in the visit.

----

The adults sat under the little piece of the Great Tree planted there six years prior. They laughed as they recounted stories of the war. The sticky situations Han and Kes would get into when left unsupervised. They also mused about Shara and her pilot skills.

“I just hope he’s more like her than me,” Kes said. The three watched as Poe and Ben played in the cockpit of Shara’s old RZ-I. Leia smiled as Poe explained the inner workers of the A-Wing as Ben watched with wide eyes.

“Looks like he’s on his way to that already,” Luke said, “Shara was the best of them, Poe will be too. It’s in his blood.”

Kes smiled as he raised his cup of ale towards the sky, “I just hope he won’t have to fight like we did. Sacrifice as much as we did,” he said solemnly.

Leia looked again at the two boys, “yeah, me either,” she said.

Back in the present, Leia’s teeth chewed at the inside of her cheek at the memory. They were all still so hopeful back then; wary but hopeful. They wanted to believe darkness was defeated on Endor. 

----

But it wasn’t. The two boys that played in the cockpit of that fighter ship were now on opposite ends of an ever growing battle that got more dire by the day.

That was the last time Leia or Han ever saw Kes and Poe, but she always kept tabs on them. It wasn’t very hard, Poe’s reputation and familial lineage preceded him at any military level. All Leia had to do was pull up his reports. When the time came and the First Order was too big to be ignored as a legitimate threat she knew she had to ask Poe to help lead the Resistance. He had the same spark as his mother. 

“Passion is something we desperately need these days,” she had told him. And Poe being Poe he didn’t hesitate when asked.

He had grown so much into his father’s look, Leia almost thought it was him sometimes when she saw him out of the corner of her eye.

She reached down and touched his cheek with the same hand that had slapped him days before after that stupid dreadnaught mission that got him demoted and good fighters killed. She was angry with him but a part of her heart also ached for him. She saw the look in his eyes, how elated he was they sank the ship but how conflicted he was in himself for doing it in a way that cost so many lives.

And much like everything these last few weeks there wasn’t any time to dwell on it. Everything moved so fast and if you tried to get bearings on anything you’d be too consumed by grief and war and you’d crumble.

“The life of a soldier,” she thought. It was cruel. It was unfair. Leia wanted nothing more than to clear Poe of his conflicted feelings. Like any mother would do when she saw a son struggling.

But in this moment she was still his superior and she had a whole Resistance to rebuild. She leaned down and kissed his forehead.

“This is for your own good, idiot.”

3: Ajan Kloss

Her face was covered and Poe was at least a little thankful for that. If he couldn’t see the General’s lifeless face maybe he could believe she wasn’t really dead. She wasn’t really gone.

He started at the sheet in front of him, he willed it to move. He wanted a sign this wasn’t really happening. Begged for it.

Nothing. Utter stillness.

Poe clasped his hands together and rested his forehead as he let out a bitter laugh.

Of course, death happened around him all the time. He even caused some of it. He’s had plenty of ghosts that followed him around. That came to him at night as he tried to sleep, but none dare compared to the pain in his heart right now.

Leia trusted him in all things, even when he didn’t deserve it. The two of them worked side by side to build the fight against the First Order. The late nights, the early mornings. The near misses and the celebrations. It was all done at each other’s side.

Poe thought back to when his mother died. His dad was stone faced through all the formal military funeral proceedings, but the night after the service Poe walked by his dad’s office and heard him crying, it made Poe’s heart break. He wished he remembered more of his mother outside the war stories and medals.

He made a note in his mind to make sure Leia’s story wasn’t so serious. She’d be remembered as a great war hero of course, but also as a headstrong woman who in any situation was never afraid to speak her mind and knock people down when they needed it. Poe smiled; he needed it a lot it seemed.

His throat tightened as he now remembers his new acting position.

“General. You named me general,” he said. General Poe Dameron. He was excited at the new title, he just wished it was under much better circumstances.

He reached out involuntarily reached out and before he could register what he was doing he was holding her hand. It was cold and weak and Poe didn’t like the feeling. The reminder. He gave it a tight squeeze before letting go. He gently placed her arm back by her side and covered her again. “I won’t let you down, Leia,” he said.

But what was he to do now? He failed to get the support her needed. They barely made it out of Kijimi and Kef Bir alive and now this blow to their already dwindled forces. It was hard to find hope in any of this.

“But hope is what you were all about huh,” he said, “was.”

He wondered truly how long anyone in this war would have survived if it wasn’t for Leia and her abundance of hope. After all she’d been through, she still believed there was good in even the most wicked of people. Her dying moments, Poe understood, made that note abundantly clear.

There’s so much Poe still wanted to learn from her, but now that was all gone. He just felt lost and undeserving of the tasks that now fall onto him. He needed his friends. He needed a sign.

He really needed Leia.

Lando came in soon after and tried to squash Poe’s worries, but honestly nothing stuck to his brain. He felt himself shutting down, the grief, he thought, may finally get to him.

He closed his eyes, still sat by her side. He needed a minute before he swallowed his sadness down and stood up.

He stood up, suddenly as determined as ever. He wasn’t going to let Leia die in vain. He walked up to her covered body and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Shoulders tight and fists clenched, he walked out towards the fight.

[lostinfic]

I would love to read an Alec Hardy fic that involved him recieving oral. I think about that a lot. 😳

Anonymous said to lostinfic: 31/38 hardyxhannah

#31 Spanking

#38 Ownership/claiming/marking  → already written

A/N: I tried to write this as in character as possible, so… yeah, it’s interesting

➜ Kink flashfiction

Ao3

It wasn’t planned. Far from it. But she supposed it had always been on her mind, ever since her failed foray into domination. She didn’t have it in herself to flog another human being, but she had envied the blissed out look on these men’s face as they submitted completely. But at that point, there was no one she trusted enough to even try this particular fetish.

It first happened two years into their friendship. A sporadic relationship that admittedly didn’t make any sense, yet somehow they just “got” one another.

She’d lost a boyfriend and had a big row with Ben. Her clients annoyed her to no end, and the men she hooked up with at night failed to make her come.

She felt scattered.

She couldn’t stand herself, yet felt very far from her own body.

So she went to Hardy.

Tess had taken Daisy out of town to see her parents. He was busy tearing rotten planks out of the patio behind the house.

The midday sun beat down over them, lending a hazy glow to the air. Mirage heat.

Hannah pulled the hem of her t-shirt through the collar and sat in the sun.

With a hand over her eyes, she watched him push on a crowbar until the plank cracked then pull it off with his bare hands.

“Don’t you ever stop working?” she asked.

“It’s cathartic.”

He threw the plank away.

“Maybe I should try that.”

“You’re more than welcome to help,” he said, wiping his forehead with his arm.

“Nah.”

“Why are you here anyway?”

She tried to explain what had happened with Ben and her boyfriend, and how she felt. It was a stream of consciousness more than a conversation.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Dunno what you want me to say, Han.”

“Could you give me a hug?”

After a moment of hesitation, he ditched the crowbar and wiped his hands on his worn out jeans. He tried to avoid touching her bare skin, but Hannah wrapped her arms around his neck so he had no choice but to hug her waist.

His skin smelled like salt and wood chips. His hands were rough.

“Better?” he asked.

It wasn’t enough. Like a spider web to tether a zeppelin, she might drift off any second.

“Tighter,” she asked.

His fingers reached for her ribs. Their chests expanded for breath alternately. In and out. From one to the other.

He rested his cheek atop her head. Closed his eyes. Allowed himself 10 seconds of respite.

“It’s only guilt you’re feeling,” he said.

She pushed him off.

“Just because you’re feeling guilty all the time doesn’t mean I am.”

Hardy reeled from the sudden backlash.

“I can live with my sins. I can live with who I am,” she insisted.

“You sure about that?”

“You think you’ve got me all figured out.”

“What d’you want from me?”

“Nothing.”

“Why are you here then?”

She should leave. But she couldn’t go. She stayed there, breathing raggedly, teeth and fists clenched. Her nails bit into her palms. She pressed them harder.

“Han?” There was genuine concern in his voice.

“I need a spanking,” she blurted out.

Hitting another person went against everything he believe in, but she convinced him. There was something about Hardy, he was a policeman and strived to do the right thing, from the beginning of their friendship he had been her rock. No one else would do.

Whereas she needed to give up control, he needed to regain some— especially when he was with Hannah.

It was bond to be awkward at first. The smacks were too light, and even though she'd asked for it she fought him. But when they both gave in, the relief was instantaneous. The pain grounded her, and made her feel absolved.

They didn’t talk about it afterwards. Not until she found herself feeling all out of sorts again the following year. Although she was reluctant to ask, this time she knew what the solution was.

After that, with each spanking session, it became easier to submit. It reset things between them, reaffirmed their trust and care for each other,

It became more pleasurable too. The proximity, the intimacy. If Hardy noticed her arousal, he never mentioned it.

It didn’t happen often, only a handful of times across the years, but he recognized the signs now. She would get restless and moody, snarkier than usual. A behaviour designed to push him away, not because she disliked him but because, sometimes, she disliked herself. He knew that now.

Like today. He'd spent the weekend in London with her and was about to leave for Broadchurch. She'd been acting strange since his divorce.

“Do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t care,” Hannah shouted.

“I will.”

“Fine. Piss off!”

As she left the room, Hardy instinctively grabbed her arm. She looked at his hand, then at his face with a frown. He had never initiated it before. For the first time, he knew what she needed before she did herself.

“You’ve been bad,” he said.

Hannah swallowed thickly.

He gave her time to think, to voice her objection if need be. She hung her head.

“Over my knees. Now.”  

Hardy let go of her arm and sat down on the couch. He patted his lap. He kept his voice steady and level, he never raised it, never threatened or tried to scare her.

Hannah shuffled over. Everything in her rebelled against this, even if she wanted it.

She knew he was right. Ever since he'd left Tess, she'd hoped for things she didn't dare admit even to herself. And when this weekend with him didn't turn out the way she'd dreamed, she took her frustration out on him.

“C’mon,” he said with a hint of impatience in his voice; it was part of his role.

Hannah placed herself across his knees, her cheek on the velvet couch and her feet dangling on the other side. He crossed her wrists behind her back and held them in one hand. An uncomfortable and unsteady position, completely at his mercy, but secured by his firm grasp.

As he’d learned to do, he squeezed her butt cheeks over her shorts to increase the blood flow and prevent bruises. She tried to squirm out of his hold, but this too was part of their roles.

“Why do I need to spank you today?” he asked.

She didn’t answer so he landed the first slap over her bum. She jolted in his lap with a fake cry of pain.

“Answer me.”

“No.”

He tugged down her shorts and knickers, then rained little slaps all across her bum and the back of her thighs. Tension started leaving her body. Her fists unclenched as her cheeks reddened.

“Because I’m being a brat.”

“Aye.” He spanker her again. “And?”

This was the hardest for her to admit. It took three more spanks.

“Hannah?”

“Because I don’t really want you to go,” she mumbled.

He slapped both cheeks hard.

“Properly,” he demanded.

“Because I don’t really want you to go,” she said louder.

“Well done.”

He stroked her hair gently.

He had mixed feelings about seeing her like that, he loved his strong, confident Hannah, he’d rather she didn’t drive herself to these extremes, but felt privileged that she let herself be vulnerable with him.

She turned her head and nuzzled his palm. She was already in a sort of daze, the world around her forgotten.

“Make it hurt,” she asked in a soft voice.

When his hand left her face, she braced herself for the spanks to come. He had her count them out loud, to keep her in the moment, otherwise she forgot her limits.

All her nerves were on fire. She was panting and moaning, trying to avoid yet asking for more. Harsh slaps alternated with soothing caresses in an unpredictable pattern. The vibrations echoed between her legs. Each one kindled the fire in the pit of her stomach.  

She widened her legs.

Did she even realize she was doing it? He tried not to look, but the glistening shades of pink were too alluring. He shifted under her— she was writhing too close to his groin. This was for her, not for him.

He slapped her inner thighs, and she clamped them shut.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed.

“No you’re not.”

She whimpered and tried to stay still. In this state, it didn’t even occur to her to shift position and seek the release she needed.

“Almost done. Can you take two more?”

“Yes, please.”

He spanked her twice, the hardest ones that echoed through the living room.

He released her wrists but kept a firm grip on her or else she would slump to the floor.

Hannah was high on whatever chemicals her brain released in these moments. The fact that he’d initiated the spanking had made the session even more intense for her. But she needed more.

She spread her legs again.

His breath hitch.

She canted her hips, pressing her pubic bone against his knee.

“Please.”

When he didn’t speak, she looked up at him and he remembered his role.

“Do you think you deserve it after acting like a brat?”

She surprised him by sliding to the floor between his legs. Her face was flushed, her eyes glazed over.

“I want to be good for you,” she said.

She ran her hands up this thighs, looking up at him with wide doe eyes. Her mouth followed the same path as her hands, and he hardened at the feel of her hot breath through his trousers.

“You don’t have to…” he said weakly.

“I want to. You're always there when I need you and you never asked for anything in return.”

This wasn't entirely true, but any rational though exited his brain when she unfastened his belt and unzipped his fly. She stroked him over the cotton of his pants.

He wasn’t fully hard, he’d been too focused on her, but it all came rushing to his groin the moment she touched him.

She grinned when he twitched under her palm. She looked more like herself now with a challenging twinkle in her eyes. Her fingertips slipped through the opening and grazed his length.

Shocked, he didn’t move and held his breath.

“Hardy?”

“Hm?”

“What should I do?”

Right, he was still in control.

“I don’t think you want to be good, you’re being a tease.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Then use your mouth.”

She nodded.

There was a single-minded determination to the way she licked and kissed him to full hardness. A sort of adoration he’d never been on the receiving end of.

When she wrapped her lips fully around the tip, he threw his head back and groaned.  She focused on the head, swirling her tongue around and pressing it to the sensitive underside. She slipped her hands under his shirt, caressing his taut stomach. He fisted the couch cushions.

“Keep going.”

She took him, gagging deep.

“Careful. Slow down, love.”

He twisted her long blond hair around his fist and guided her rhythm. She hummed and closed her eyes, giving herself entirely to the task. Her warm tongue swirled around on the way up, her lips squeezed on the way down. His engorged glistened with saliva and lip gloss. She rubbed her thighs together.

It came as no surprise that she was extremely good at this. He chased away the nagging doubt that it was all an act, that she did it that way for clients too.

“Han,” he whispered like a prayer.

He caressed her cheek, and she released him with a pop just long enough to kiss his palm and offer a brilliant smile.

His pleasure escalated too quickly. He tapped her head to warn her, but she kept on sucking. He burst in her mouth with a grunt.

She continued to suckle as he softened, and he had to stop her when he became too sensitive.

She rested her head on his knee as he recovered.

He could have professed his love right then.

“Come here.”

He helped her to her feet, and she sat on his lap. He traced light patterns on her inner thigh, inching higher. He gave her time to change her mind, but even there her skin was slick.

“Kiss me,” he said. It was more a question than a command.

Any doubt that he’d overstepped the boundaries vanished when she cupped his cheeks and kissed him deeply. With a hand on the back of her neck, he didn’t let her break the kiss when he grazed her slit.

He moved slowly in and out, then added a second finger, keeping up the pace, then pressed the heel of his hand. The kiss turned messy and savage. Her juices coated his hand. Wet noises echoed in the room. His fingers moved quickly. He wanted her to see stars.

She clung to him, her nails left red crescents on his freckled skin.

She came fast and hard, her whole body quivering in his arms.

As she came down from her high, he rubbed her back in broad, soothing strokes.

Normally, she was happy and bubbly after a session, released from her anxieties, today she was unusually quiet.

“You alright?” he asked.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“It was… different.”

“Yeah.”

“Talk to me, Han.”

She searched his face for a moment, then placed her hand upon his chest.

“I'm just realizing that... you’re the only one for me.”

“Good.”

And he kissed her.

[lordoftimeandspace]

Missy/Master and the Doctor - The whole bloody mess

(spoilers for season 10 finale)

Many people have argued quite differently about the Master, Missy and the Doctor and their motives and relationships. I have discussed it with a tumblr user in two threads (x and x) so for convenience, I collected the arguments here in one thread because I do have a few things to add.

The Master is an awful person, to the point of almost being a one-dimensional caricature of evil.

This is your conclusion so let me start here. The Master, in all the years he has appeared on Doctor Who is a lot of things but never one-dimensional. I'm not sure how familiar you are with his background so let me fill you in quickly. Mind you, I will of course only canon:

1. During their childhood the Doctor and the Master were bullied by a boy named Torvic. To save his friend's life the Doctor had to eventually kill that boy. Later a personification of death asked the Doctor to be her champion. He refuses and suggests she takes the Master instead as her disciple. She agrees and the Doctor forgets about the whole encounter. In canon it is the Doctor who becomes a killer first and then conveniently escapes responsibility for it by making the Master bear the consequences.

2. At the age of eight the drums were implanted into the Master's head and always seen as a sign of madness. The drums worsened over time. It was only when the Master forced the Doctor to actually listen to them, that the Doctor believed. So we have a little boy thinking he is not worthy being a Timelord (because why else would he “turn mad” when he looked?) and not even his very best friend even so much as entertains the idea that it could be something else.

3. Koschei (as the Master preferred to be called for a while) was on an academic research mission when the Doctor was expelled from the academy, forcing him into a conflict of loyalty. Again, it is the Doctor who is kicked out first. The Master follows on his own accord because after all they made a pact to see all the stars together.

4. Koschei was obsessed with order to the point that the Timelords planted a spy to monitor him. That spy, a Timelady posing as a human, became his companion. When he eventually found out about her true identity he lost a good part of the ability to trust anyone. Isn't it beautiful that the Master wanted companions, too? Companions, not servants, not “disposables”. And is it really so wrong that he would despise the Doctor's companions and insist that they themselves are the only real companions for each other?

5. Later the Doctor made a deal with Death to grant the Master ten years of peace and sanity. At the end of those years the Doctor was supposed to kill him. During those ten years the Master forgot about his true identity, took the name of John Smith, became a doctor and even had a stable relationship. If this is the Doctor's attempt to take responsibility, it really is rather poorly executed. He never asked the Master if he wanted that kind of “saving”. What are ten years in the life of a Timelord after all? Is the Doctor portrayed here as agreeing to a mercy killing? Possible. But completely without any consent from the Master. Also, isn't it ironic that of all things the Master, free from the drums and his past, chooses to be a doctor? That “good” is obviously in him.

6. The Master met Sato Katsura, a samurai who was accidentally made immortal as a result of his involvement with the Doctor. It had left him so bitter, he began to follow the Master. This is probably the most obvious moment of the Master picking up after the Doctor. The Doctor has always liked to use people however he sees fit, often not caring much about the consequences. An example from New Who would be the 12th Doctor making Ashildr use a device that kills her instead of trying a little harder to eliminate that possibility.

7. The Master was continually used by the Timelords and other entities to fight for them. He was deliberately turned into a weapon. The latest example of that is his resurrection to fight in the Time War but what he saw scared him so much that he turned himself into Professor YANA and ran away to the end of the universe. The Doctor however stayed and fought. Sometimes I wonder if this is cowardly running away as opposed to courageously doing what is right. Sometimes I wonder if the Doctor's tolerance for bloodshed, war and violence is higher than the Master's.

8. At some point he posed as the Doctor and began to work for UNIT were he helped them to fight off several alien attacks on Earth. Does it really matter that he posed as the Doctor? Does doing good only count when it is done in the “right” way?

There are many more examples but these should make it very clear that the Master is anything but one-dimensionally evil.

Let's look at some of your arguments about Simm!Master's character:

He told Ten to “get out of the way” because Rassilon was right there, in front of him - the one responsible for his ‘condition’. The intended catharsis of that scene was about the Master getting revenge on Rassilon. (…) It was something that happened in the moment and the status quo of his existence was restored by the Time Lords. (…) People don’t just change in a moment.

So even although the Master had tried to kill the Doctor before time and time again he doesn't do it when he can because shooting at the Doctor first and then at Rassilion is somehow not cathartic enough? Killing them both, the two people he considers responsible for all that went wrong in his life, wouldn't be the ultimate revenge? No, the Doctor spared him and so the Master spares him in return because in that moment the Master understands that his friend still loves him, that there is still hope for a future for them together, seeing the stars. Maybe it is not the huge change in character some people want to see. But it is a redeeming quality. The Master doing “what is right”. All by himself.

Likewise, time has passed since then. The Master went back through the gate with Rassilon to Gallifrey, the Time Lords made a mutual bargain to remove the drums from his head and fix his botched regeneration (…) He just continued with his old ways because that’s what the Time Lords enabled him to do, it was convenient for them to do that in order to get rid of him.

Sometimes I wonder what the other end of that bargain was. What did the Timelords do to him, or make him do for them to remove the drums? After all, they have used him all his life. Why change so suddenly. I think it is very plausible that the Master ran away again and hid on that spaceship (a “mutual kicking out” can mean many many things). Also, despite everything he has done, the Timelords still keep him around. Later, Missy isn't executed as ordered by the Timelords. They still need the Master for whatever future war they need a monster for. I can't even imagine what that does to a man. Going back to his “old ways” after once more being confirmed by the Timelords that that is all he is and all he can do is really not that surprising. After all, if they fixed the drums they could have fixed so much more. They could have helped him. Truly helped. With all their knowledge and wisdom. Instead they try to keep him as a convenient weapon.

The premise of the argument “the Master is not self-destructive” kinda falls apart because he literally chose to die at the end of The Last of the Time Lords instead of being at the Doctor’s side. The last two of their kind and he chose to die, not knowing that his ring would be picked up by Miss Trefusis and he’d later return.

Two things: 1. He chooses to die because the idea that the Doctor would imprison him and just “keep him” was so incredibly appalling to him that he couldn't bear it. It's not just for his own good or the good of the universe. The Doctor sees the Master as his responsibility, his burden. Considering that the Doctor played a considerable role in the Master becoming the Master, that is incredibly arrogant and self-righteous. 2. The Master has “died” so many times before seemingly without the ability to to come back. His mind has been in other people and objects before. Even if he wasn't entirely sure about the ring, he must have known (and said so to the Doctor before) that he is pretty much indestructible.

He sees Missy as such a fundamental violation of who he is with regards to her perspective on the Doctor that he chooses to kill his future self. That is who he is in extremis.

Exactly. He simply cannot agree with the fact the Missy has been changed so much that she would forget who she is and how she came to be. He hates that she basically turned into one of the Doctor's fangirls. He can't understand why she would regress so much in her development that she is barely more than the child they used to be, looking up at the Doctor hoping for guidance. Let's remember here that yes, the Doctor saved their life as a child by killing someone. And he put the blame on the Master. The Master simply cannot allow Missy to forget that the Doctor is not morally pure and superior. He cannot allow that standing with the Doctor on the Doctor's terms leads to their death. He'd rather do it himself. If anything, this was a mercy killing, just like the Doctor agreed to do with the Master many years before. Considering that the Master has survived many of his “final deaths” we can be sure that they will return. When they do it will most likely not be pretty because right now, she thinks that the Doctor believes that she has betrayed him and that he lost his hope for her and does not come after her once more. She might also believe that he is dead and blame herself. The Master's next regeneration could be the most messed up yet.

And there really was nothing at all self-righteous, self-victimising, or egotistic about the Doctor’s speech. It was about self-sacrifice, out of kindness. (…) the message was simply to just be kind.

The Doctor tries continuously to sacrifice himself. The 9th legion, the cybermen, … It's a compulsion. Makes me wonder why? Is it because he is so incredibly good (then why does he never die, only regenerate, when he does? Why is his sacrifice never real?) or is it because he needs redemption and forgiveness just as much as the Master does? The Doctor is consumed by guilt and tries to get rid of it by offering himself up again and again. That is not without reward and therefore not entirely and purely good. There is always an agenda behind what the Doctor does, especially when it's self-sacrifice or kindness. He always goes to extremes to prove that he truly is “good” even although it is only his definition of “good” that counts here. Good is only good in extremis. Only in self-denial and self-sacrifice.

I mean… the Master is a sadistic murderer. (…) The Doctor didn’t “force” anything on her, and, to be honest, what you want when you’re somebody who commits the kind of atrocities that the Master does on a regular basis really doesn’t matter all that much. (…) Your “leave their names out” argument doesn’t really work because that’s just removing the context from the situation. The Doctor has always been a flawed hero, but the whole thing with Missy’s arc is really not an instance of that.

It is exactly here that the greatest flaw of your perception of both Doctor and Master becomes obvious. We are talking about fiction so for a moment let's talk about real life. Operation Neptune Spear as sanctioned by then-President of the USA Obama was a capture or kill mission directed at Osama bin Laden. US-offficals have also simply called it a kill mission. The mission was accomplished in May 2011 resulting in the death of Osama bin Laden. Criticized as a “revenge mission” by foreign governments and organizations like Amnesty International, this mission remains controversial until today. The reason is simply that a criminal, no matter how bad, does have rights, that human rights are non-negotiable, that the crimes of a person do not make them less human. At the same time, acting as if a criminal has lost his human rights because of (past or future) crimes is morally incredibly flawed and honestly, simply plain wrong. It's not hard to see the parallels to the Doctor and Missy here. It does matter if there was consent or not and if there continued to be consent because Missy is still a sentient being with rights and the Doctor (with Gallifrey being back) has no authority whatsoever to decide otherwise. By locking Missy up and isolating her the way he did he violated her. He of all people who always thinks he is morally superior. He messed up epically here. Leaving the names out returns them to what they both are: sentient beings with rights.

She said to the Doctor that she’d be good, asking him to teach her how to be, and consented to being imprisoned for rehabilitation. Whether that was what she actually wanted at the start or if she was saying that to get out of being executed, that was something she made good on. She says as much that she could have escaped the Vault if she’d wanted to, but she’s chosen to stay and engage in the process.

Again, it is highly questionable if it was continued consent, or even just consent born out of an honest desire to change and not just desperate words uttered to save her life.  And yes, continued consent is a thing and it is necessary. Ask anybody who agreed to anything and then changed their mind mid-way through. It's one of the very obvious symptoms of rape culture to think that continued consent is not a thing. Besides, the difference in power between them was so huge by then that in order to keep at least some kind of dignity Missy would have probably said anything, including suggesting that she could have escaped the vault, something the Doctor clearly disagreed with.

It’s not just that Missy decided to stand with the Doctor… It’s that the reason WHY she decided to do that was because her whole perspective and understanding of him has changed. (…) she says to her former self “he’s right”. It’s not just about standing with her friend because she wants to, it’s that she actually has come to understand and empathise with his philosophy.

I stand by what I said in the first place. Isolating a prisoner and depriving them of stimuli is torture. And no, a few books and a piano are not enough to keep someone like the Master sane. Time and time again it was shown in studies and experiments that sentient beings, from monkey to human to most likely Timelord are social animals and lose their minds if isolated for too long. That alone, that isolation over decades must have worn her out so much that the Doctor could have planted any kind of philosophy into her head. He chose the only one he knew of course. Self-denial through self-sacrifice. Let's remember here that his self-sacrifice has always been fake. Doctors 10 and 11 regenerated after acts of self-sacrifice but it is just never real because he never dies. He always knows that he has a way out. Regeneration. And so his sacrifice doesn't mean all that much. He of course cannot see that and so he believes his way to be the “most good”, the only right way. And that is the way he tries to make Missy understand.

And she kills her former self, not just to get him out of the way, but to ensure, in that moment, that he will regenerate into her so everything will come back around to this moment - to make it happen. Without hope. Without witness. Without reward.

There is literally no reason to get the Master out of the way at this point. She doesn't know that he would shoot her should she try to go back to the Doctor. She could have literally shoved him into the elevator, sealed the door and send him back down. There was no reason whatsoever to kill him. Especially because she utters remorse about having lost herself, about not being how he is. She is not burning anymore and she knows it. Mind you, we do not know if she refers to her whole existence as Missy or just her time as the Doctor's prisoner. But even if she does kill him to ensure that she comes around to this point, isn't that a reward all in itself? Let's also not forget that the Master concludes from Missy not being able to remember her “birth” that he will regenerate in the very near future. He knew it and simply wasn't ready for it. Another reason why he wouldn't stand with the Doctor.

Conclusion:

1. The Master has never been one-dimensionally evil. If anything the Doctor and the Master are more ying and yang than black and white.

2. The Master and Missy never lost hope that they could be reunited with their childhood friend but they always wanted it to be a mutually benefiting reunion. A reunion that happened on both their terms. The Doctor continually insisting on it to be one-sided was too much for the Master.

3. The Doctor mistreated and violated Missy greatly and the Master could not accept that. And honestly, who would?

4. The Doctor doesn't understand that his so-called self-denial that does work quite well for him, just isn't the go-to-thing for everybody and so he screws Missy up and blows his reunion with the Master.

In the end Missy was right, she has always been on the Doctor's side. All her faces, all her regenerations. They were always his friend. He just always insisted that they be that on his terms and his terms alone.

[kevoreally]

#BuffyAt20 - S03E07 “Revelations”

Wow so this is the first time I’ve been able to do my #BuffyAt20 on the actual date all season! Been a hectic couple of months. And what an episode to be caught up for! Let’s dive in.

> There’s way more Dingoes this season than I remember there being the last time I watched.

> Oh god I forgot it was this teaser. “Oh it’s so crowded, why won’t Xander go near Willow?” Aren’t jokes about cheating in front of your partner funny?

> No one gets it when I say “I’m here through Saturday, enjoy the veal.”

> I love Willow noticing Buffy is acting strange.

> Cordelia almost comes across as empathetic in this scene, talking about Buffy’s trauma, except for the horrifying phraseology.

> I’m guessing Buffy/Faith shippers loved the “really, we’re just good friends” bit in this teaser?

> The look on Giles’s face when Gwendolyn says she’s the new Watcher, you have to assume some part of him wonders “Is this finally it? Am I finally fired?”

> Can I take like five seconds to talk about how great this show was? Like, it was serious but never hyper-dramatic, funny but not over-silly. It paved the way for so many teen-aimed sci-fi/fantasy series we have today. I just love it.

> I love that Eliza got an “as Faith” on her credit.

> WHY WOULD GILES NEED THE LABYRINTH MAPS OF MALTA WHEN HE LIVES IN SUNNYDALE?

> “Hmm. academic probation’s not so funny today, huh, Giles?” Forever loving that moment.

> This woman is such a beautiful sociopath. She literally gives Giles five seconds to produce an image of demon she just mentioned before belittling him. If he was thinking rationally, he would recognize that she was being impossible, but she’s got him so frazzled that he’s just getting more and more agitated. This woman should have been a recurring villain who teamed up with Ethan Rayne.

> 12 cemeteries in Sunnydale?? Dayumn!

> “Interesting lady. Can we kill her?” “I think the Council might frown upon that.” is another exchange that made its way into my vernacular.

> Huh! Same “Thai Chi” theme this week that was introduced last week in “Band Candy.” Not a complaint.

> Oh good lord, Angel, you knew coming near her was a bad idea.

> And Buffy’s the one to pull away. Gosh, she’s just so strong. He’s so friggin’ weak.

> I gotta say, the difference between Buffy and Twilight is at least Buffy doesn’t try to pretend that the protagonist is some plain blah who people are all bizarrely attracted to. Buffy’s outside matches her inside - she’s pretty freaking gorgeous.

> Okay, Giles still hasn’t found info about Lagos hours later? That’s pretty fail there, Giles.

> I don’t find Xander’s “you’re not the Watcher of me” jab as annoying as I usually would, he’s already starting to soften. And Giles’s “then go home” is both fair and soft. Great exchange all around.

> Hey, Xander actually did stop during a speech about “no means no.” Mitigated by Willow then grabbing and kissing him, but it’s something.

> As an enormous Christophe Beck fan, I don’t even like the Xillow music theme. That’s how much I hate everything about this story and like to pretend it never happened.

> There’s some Faith spin-off book that shows all the boyfriends Faith mentions in this scene. Just a note.

> I don’t find the “life with Angel is - was complicated” slip to be as sloppy as I’d normally find stuff like that. The wound is still fresh. Makes some amount of sense.

> Is this, like, the first time we’re seeing Faith get her own scene without any of our regulars in it? Apart from her ragging on Scott in “Homecoming,” I think it might be. Interesting.

> And of course it’s Xander who first learns Angel is back FROM SEEING HIM AND BUFFY MAKE OUT. That really feels like a Season 2 idea that they kept but Xander had grown beyond by now. I really get no jealousy over Buffy and Angel from his character anymore, so all of this stuff making him an antagonist to them feels very forced.

> I really wonder who initiated this first re-kiss between Buffy and Angel. It was very smart to never show us.

> Ooh, actually, the way they take makes it sound very much like Angel did it. Yet they never showed us that. Very interesting choice.

> Also I always forget that Angel hadn’t shown her the Glove yet. In my head, I always make it that they’re celebrating him finding it. So, what, she showed up and he just went for it? HOW DID THEY GET THERE?

> “A person slips up on the little things and suddenly everything’s gone to hell in a handbasket.” She’s belittling Giles for every minor thing he’s doing wrong while he’s missing the most glaring minor thing he’s forgotten to do: CHECK WITH THE COUNCIL.

> You know, if anything, it makes sense that he wouldn’t want to check with the Council the more she belittles him. She’s the voice of the Council right now. Reaching out to them would mean hearing it from more people. GOSH, why am I fascinated by this episode today??

> Written by Doug Petrie, by the way. His first!

> I appreciate that they didn’t go for a joke of Giles shouting “WHAT?” or something while Xander is whispering in front of Post. That would have made him look really bad.

> They’ve literally set up an intervention circle for her, this scene is so intense.

> Cordelia hasn’t even spoken yet and I’m already dreading it.

> “I feel worried - about me!” Oh right, there it is.

> I love Willow in this scene. I always think about her during arguments when I try to focus on “I -” Statements.

> “But you were kissing him.” Oh Oz. But y’know, he says it so non-confrontationally. It’s a statement of fact. Making sure to say it before anyone else can lob it like a weapon, too.

> “I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason.” I’m, like, surprisingly pretty on board with Xander in this scene. I think he’s being a little more spiky than he needs to be but I know I do the same.

> I love Giles deescalating the scene. I forgot he does that, and he does it SO well.

> Oh but then Buffy thinks he’s on her side. Dude, NO.

> I really appreciate Giles not weaponizing Jenny’s death against Buffy in this scene here in his office. He comes pretty hard but he is entitled to go so much harder, honestly.

> “Vampires rarely knock. Especially in daylight.” No but really, Faith.

> “Wild stab, a bunch of guys from Spart?” Lol. Also this was where I and most of my friends first learned about the Spartans.

> Gwendolyn offers to train with Faith but then we don’t see it. I find it hard to picture this granny-ishly dressed woman doing physical training. But maybe that’s me.

> Willow works so hard to keep her friendship with Buffy normal over the years, it makes Buffy’s instant acceptance of Willow on her return from England in Season 7 all the more lovely.

> This pool scene where Xander talks about killing Angel was in the commercial. So was Faith saying it in the Library later.

> See, she hasn’t even changed her clothes! How did she train in that skirt??

> Does Gwendolyn Post ever change her clothes in this entire episode…?

> I can’t remember if I was surprised that Post turned out to be evil. Probably not.

> Willow making Buffy’s pain about cheating on her own boyfriend with their best friend right now is pretty gross.

> Also, asking if the secrecy made it sexier is a weird level of psychology to give Willow at this point in her character’s journey.

> I actually wish Willow had told Buffy about her and Xander here. It’s the obvious choice to make Buffy remain in the dark but imagine the dynamic if Buffy becomes the only other person who knew. Maybe Willow doesn’t even tell Xander that Buffy knows. Hm.

> Willow’s little cheer-dance when Buffy slays the demon is what this show is truly about.

> Xander and I have similar taste in weapons.

> Also Xander slowing down and realizing Angel can’t have done this is a big moment for him, tbh.

> Omigod Buffy THROWING THE SWORD away when she sees the cops is hilarious.

> Do you think the reason these EMTs are so testy is because they’re constantly being called to this location?

> Oh and here Xander ruins that moment of earlier growth by being a child at Buffy. At least Willow’s not having any of it. She knows what’s up: always follow Buffy.

> Okay, maybe Gweny can throw down in that skirt after all, with the way she turns that shove into a stake.

> “I can’t believe how much I’m gonna kill you.” “You’re not gettin’ that glove.” Wow. Angel and Faith meeting for the first time. It’s wild how linked those characters have now become.

> Plus, Buffy sort of emotionlessly shutting Faith down when she’s trying to do good also sets an ongoing tone for these two.

> Fun fact: the Glove of Myhnegon is one of the game pieces in my self-made Buffy Monopoly.

> How many Buffy/Faith fights are there this season? 3? I think it’s here, “Enemies,” and “Graduation Day, Part I.” (Or is there even one in “Enemies”?)

> Stopping Willow must’ve been all the more cathartic for Xander after years of stuff like trying to stop Buffy and Faith from fighting only to get slapped into a wall.

> The lightning was supposed to take the form of a falcon and land on the glove and it was gonna be all this cool stuff, but it was 1998. That shit would’ve been expensive AF back then. They could probably do it now.

> Gosh, that one shot of Post using the Glove from the credits! Love it.

> Ugh, but then Buffy and Faith come together to stop her! So lovely.

> “Sounds like I missed a lot of fun.” That’s a really interesting choice, having the characters absent from the scene commenting on their absence. I don’t know why.

> Omigosh I just remembered the time I watched this episode on DVD with the French language track and English subtitles. Like. Just for the experience. ...It is not one that I repeated.

> “But I trust you.” “I don’t. Just for the record.” NO ONE CARES, CORDY.

> “They swear there was a memo” is one of my favorite commentaries on bureaucracy ever.

> Giles actually composes himself fairly well throughout all of the Angel stuff, I never really give him much credit.

> UGH. Okay, one of my least favorite things about the Buffy/Faith dynamic is how many times it feels like they should break new ground and don’t. Like here or Christmas. So annoying.

> LIKE THIS. “Buffy?” “Yeah?” “Nothing.” YOU DON’T NEED TO BE SISTERS, but would it have killed you to JUST say “thanks”? Ugh. This episode is portent for the fact that they were doomed to never connect, and it just makes me sad.

ON THAT NOTE. Next week is, on the one hand, a hilarious guest spot from Spike and, on the other hand, finally the awkward choking death of Xillow. Fun times all around!