#I also think jodie would let him drive it eventually but at first

[estrel]

Are You Happy? (Save Them Some Pie)

HAPPY 42ND BIRTHDAY, DEAN!! this is my gift to him for being my comfort person that i would hug on sight if given the chance 💗 love you dude, may you indulge in copious amounts of pie. ~ 1.5k words.

also dedicated to marlo ( @heller-jensen ), jace ( @thiscastielhasflown ) and dee ( @castee-yel ) thanks for bein real ones <3

[READ ON AO3]

The day had already started out weird enough.

Dean had woken up drenched in sweat, mind racing with the last lingering thoughts of a nightmare. A vamp nest that he and Sam had been hunting, Dean dying in the most ludicrous way possible, and driving Baby down a long road for an indiscriminate amount of time in a supposed heaven that his father (his father) also co-habited. Needless to say, the dream had come out of nowhere, but it was easy enough to forget once the smell of bacon made its way into his room.

Breakfast was hardy and quick, with enough coffee to fuel him for the rest of the day as he skimmed the internet for a possible case. He had the itch, but apparently, looking around at the three sleepy faces around him at the table, no one else did.

He packed up anyway, preparing for what would likely be an easy salt-n-burn; he’d be gone for only a few hours, tops. On his way out, Cas stops him before he can scale the stairs, arm gripping his shoulder tightly. There’s a memory, briefly—the same hand, the same shoulder. Blood.

Dean looks down at it. Back at Cas.

“…Yeah?”

After a moment, Cas lets go. He steps back half an inch as if he had forgotten himself. “Just…be careful.”

Dean nods, moving to leave again, taking the awkwardness as both a Cas thing and a morning thing and content to leave it at that. 

“And,” Cas says. Dean turns back.

“Come home.”

//

Dean picks up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Dean, hey! It’s, uh. It’s me. Krissy?”

Dean feels himself begin to smile, mindful of the road ahead of him. He balances his phone on his thigh while he drives.

“Hey, kid! Long time no call. How are you? Everything okay?”

The case had been as easy as Dean had suspected, but he had that familiar muscle ache and heaviness to his eyes that solo cases usually gave him.

Besides that, he was getting a little confused about all of the calls he’d been getting today. Before Krissy, it had been Garth, and before that, Claire and Jody and…

“Uh, yeah, dude, everything’s good. Um. How are you? How’s Sam and that angel of yours?”

Dean swallows to keep from choking, or potentially crashing the car.

“They’re good. Yeah…good.” Alive, he wants to say, back from the dead, probably in the DeanCave watching Scooby Doo without him. “Sorry, Krissy, ah,” he steps off the break to make a left, “I’m actually on my way home right now. Was there something I could help you with?”

There’s a pause, and Dean chances a glance at his phone to see if the call had dropped off. It hadn’t.

“Krissy?”

“I,” she huffs in what sounds like a laugh, “Nothing, Dean. You get home safe, okay?”

“Sure thing.”

“And hey,” Krissy says, before he can say his goodbyes, “Uh, make sure you save some pie for everybody else.”

Dean’s eyebrows furrow a bit, but he laughs. “I will. Take care of yourself.”

“Bye, Dean.”

“Ba-bye.”

//

Dean’s still mulling over the pie comment when he nearly falls down the stairs, squinting into the darkness of the Bunker.

“What the hell?” he asks, voice hoarse around the high note. “Guys?”

When there’s no immediate answer, Dean’s instincts kick in. He pulls out his gun and gently drops his bag, waiting a moment for his eyes to adjust so he can try for the stairs.

Before he can, though, the lights kick back on. His gaze locks onto the scene below, and Dean slowly lowers his gun.

“Happy birthday!” Jack says, the sound of a party horn whining shortly after. Beside him, Cas pulls the string of a party popper, and he jerks as bits of confetti fall around him and into his hair.

Skeptically, Dean starts descending down the stairs.

“You…this…” he manages.

“It’s your birthday, dumbass,” Sam says, swooping forward to slap a party hat on Dean’s head as soon as he’s made the landing. He smiles.

“Oh…kay.” Around them, the Bunker looks pretty normal. The only difference is the array of pies on one of the library tables, next to what looks like home made rice krispie treats, and a couple of birthday-themed plates and napkins. That, and the confetti from Cas’ party popper that litters the floor. “Are you sure?”

Cas frowns at Sam. “Sam was certain. I can’t imagine he’d get the day wrong, but he has had quite severe brain trauma over the years. Perhaps…” Cas reaches out to Sam’s head, probably intent on searching his brain for said trauma, or for the date of Dean’s actual birthday. Sam swats his hand away.

“Hey, no. My trauma is fine. Dean,” Sam redirects his attention to him, “It’s today. Did you really forget?”

Dean shrugs, trying to piece the day together from the beginning. Shitty dream, good breakfast, the three of them weirdly insisting on staying at the Bunker…the calls. Save some pie for everybody else.

He laughs. “So that’s what she meant.”

“That’s what who meant?” Jack asks. He’s wearing a party hat, too, with ridiculous stripes of blue and pink and purple patterned onto it. It matches the one currently strapped to Dean’s own. He shakes his head.

“You’re telling me all of you knew? This whole time? And…and…” He looks around again, pointing vaguely at the table and the confetti. “You put this all together for me?”

Sam shoves his arm playfully. “Course we did. Now quit pouting and come eat some pie.”

//

Sam is fast asleep, sprawled out on the couch hours later with one of his hands brushing the floor. Dean thinks he spots drool on the pillow underneath him. 

Cas has been quiet next to Dean, at least since Jack had disappeared into the kitchen an hour ago and hadn’t come back, thoughtfully tracing the lip of his beer bottle with his finger. 

“Something on your mind?” Dean asks, because he wants to know.

Cas continues unbothered. Scooby Doo reruns play in the background. Dean almost repeats the question, but Cas eventually lifts his gaze to stare at him.

“Are you happy?” 

Dean presses his mouth shut. Licks his lips. He takes just as long to answer.

“You know what,” he smiles. “I think I am.”

Cas smiles back at him, soft and genuine. The skin around his eyes crinkling tells more than the gentle upturn of his mouth. 

Dean swallows, nervously putting his beer down and turning it a few times until his fingers are wet with the condensation. 

“What, uh. What about you?” He swallows again. “You happy?”

What he really wants to ask, though, is if they were good. If, after recent events, they were still the same. If Cas was still fine with “just being.”

He’s quiet again. Dean thinks he deserves that, and tries to pay attention to the TV, but the voice in his head is too loud. Cas has to tap his knee to get his attention again.

“Hm?”

“I was saying,” he moves his hand back, “that I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift.”

Dean stares at him. “What are you talking about?”

Cas looks confused, like he’s about to repeat what he just said. Dean stops him short with a wave of his hand. 

“Dude, you just got back from the dead, alright? That’s—that’s gift enough to last me a lifetime. Don’t worry about a gift.”

Cas frowns, and Dean rolls his eyes. It’s another few moments of tense silence, until Dean breaks it, his heart pounding in his chest.

“But, uh,” he says, “I might have a gift for you.”

“Dean, we don’t share a birthday. It’s not customary to gift me something, especially when I haven’t given you—“

“Cas,” he groans, officially putting his beer aside and facing him. Cas’ features are lit up with the colors of the TV. Dean reaches a hand up to pluck confetti from his hair, a green piece that he’d been eyeing all night. Hesitating, he lets his hand fall to Cas’ face, smoothing over his cheek and jaw. The TV paints his cheekbone purple. Dean brushes his thumb over it. “Just...shut up and let me do this.” 

Cas tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed in that way of his, and Dean thinks he looks perfect. When he dips forward and presses their lips together, it’s perfect, perfect, perfect. He’s warm, his face is burning, eyes almost watering when he pulls away.

Dean lets his forehead rest on Cas’, heartbeat still crazy. He closes his eyes. “We can have it, Cas. This. We can have this.”

Cas takes Dean’s face in his hands, lifts it a little to bring them face to face again, so that he’s looking into Dean’s eyes.

“I’d like that, Dean,” he says, and his eyes are wet, too. Happy, Dean thinks.

“Your gift to me?” Dean manages, smile wobbly. He’s teasing, trying to bring down the weight of this without getting rid of all of it. He likes this type of adrenaline rush, different from any hunt he’s been on. Better.

Cas smiles. “I think technically it was you that gifted me, but, yes. My gift to you, if you’ll take it.”

“Gladly,” Dean says.

Cas hums back, brushing his fingers through the hair at the nape of Dean’s neck. “Happy birthday, Dean.” He leaves a kiss on his forehead.

Happy. 

Dean thinks, for the first time, as he pulls more confetti from Cas’ hair, that it actually is. 

—

tag list (ask to be added/removed):

@castiels-a-lamp @jellydeans @writtenmemxries @cestladean @randomblabbling @fluffiestlou @dreamnovak @weird-dorky-little-d @depressivedemonnightmaredean @castiels-pussy @friedchickenangelwings @galaxycastiel @destielle @dickspeightjrs @on-a-bender @organicpurplepants @casbelieves @samuelswinchester @spacegirlstuff @seffersonjtarship @winchester-novak @professorerudite @squintingg @holmesemrys @imnotrevealingmyname @mishha @good-things-do-happen-dean @angxlsgrxce @casandeans @castielscrookedtrenchcoat @destiel-in-its-natural-habitat @gracelesschoice @superduckbatrebel @iheardyourprayer @top13zepptraxx @that-one-fandom-chick @scoobydean @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh @maxguevra @cursed-or-not @i-think-im-humanbut-cant-besure @blazeinthedark @madilineskingdom @awolfnamedaliac @castee-yel @tearsofgrace @credentiast @fivefeetfangirl @my-favourite-hellatus @gray-is-neutral @sunflower-vol-28 @ensignabby @ar-bi-trary @lulu-zodiac @y-yo-a-ti-dumbass @castielology @nguyenxtrang @hermit-cas @supergaycas @deancasology @miadeline @save-the-sloths @goblinwritergay @theroguetranslator @imals18 @downtherabbitholeproductions

[jay-and-dean]

Until Halloween

Dean x reader ?

Summary :  You promised to stay out of Dean’s life, but Sam calls you to tell you he needs your help…

Warnings : Angst, Swearing (I never not use swearing), a hint of Fluff, mention of sex, pregnant reader.

Wordcount : 3.3k

Note : I just woke up one morning needing to write that. Thanks to @roonyxx​ for helping with the aesthetic.

Jay’s Masterlist

___________________________

           It’s not noon yet, and it has been months. You look at the phone in your shaking hands. Why is Sam calling you ? That can’t be good.

“Sam ?” you answer the phone with a worried frown on your face, looking at the falling dead leaves covering your small yard in orange and red. “Is everything okay ?”

“Not really, Y/n…” he sighs, making your heart fall on your stomach instantly.

You lean on the kitchen sink and take a deep breath, your hand protectively going to your round stomach, as tears of fear fill your eyes.

“Is it Dean ?” you ask, your voice almost breaking on his name already.

“Yes.”

The world starts spinning and big burning tears fall down your face. The hand on your belly comes to your mouth to cover it. After a few seconds, you’re able to speak again.

“Please, don’t tell me…” you let out in a sob. “Sam please…”

“What ? No ! No, Y/n” he assures you when he realizes you’re crying. “He’s not dead, Y/n… He’s just… It’s… a spell.”

Your heart instantly calms down a little, and the tears stop soaking your shirt. He’s not dead. Dean is not dead, echoes in your head.

“A spell ?” you repeat. “Can’t you handle it ? With Cas maybe ? Jody ? Garth ? Anyone ?”

“No” he states. “It has to be you.”

You nod slowly, like he could see it, and look down at your eight months pregnancy bump. Dean can’t see you now, nor Sam. You can’t afford that talk when you’re already barely holding yourself together.

“I’m sick” You lie. “I can’t drive to Lebanon, Sam. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Sick ?” he asks concerned. “Sick how ?”

“Nothing bad, but I can’t come.”

“Then I’ll come !” he insists. “I’ll take him to you… Y/n… He lost twenty-five pounds, and he’s slowly losing his mind.”

More tears fall on your grey shirt. You need some air, so you slowly walk to your front door, and stand in the door frame, looking at the neighbor’s kids happily bringing a huge pumpkin home to prepare Halloween.

Prepare Halloween…

“You know I can’t see Dean, Sam” you sigh. “He said he never wanted to see me again. He… He said never.”

“I’m begging you now, Y/n. I’m begging you… Please. I lost you, I can’t lose Dean.”

You wipe the tears on your cheek and turn to look inside your tiny house. It’s nothing like the bunker, it’s unbearably lonely, and there is work to make it suitable for a kid but… You can do it.

“Y/n ?” Sam calls you out of your silent thinking.

“Yeah…”

“Please.”

So now is the time… You knew Dean would hear it, eventually ; you could imagine him somehow showing up at your door in a few years -with the same coldness in his eyes than when he told you to leave- because no one can hide anything that long to the best hunter of History. But now… You’re not ready, you’re far from healed, and you totally can’t hide your child.

But if Dean is in danger, then nothing is more important.

“I live in Salem now.”

***

           You barely slept. Lately, your little Pumpkin is moving a lot, he knows Halloween is coming soon, and he knows he’s expected for that festive night… But with his dad on his way, everything just got overwhelming.

           Every single noise makes you jump, because you imagine it could be him already, and nothing can prepare you for the face Dean will make when he realizes that the woman he kicked out of his life hid a child from him.

           After taking a breakfast without hunger, and a labored shower, you sit at your kitchen table, watching the alley from your widow, stroking your belly to calm the little one in here that is obviously feeling your stress.

           When the hour you had counted they would arrive comes, time slows, until becoming a torture. Your eyes stay glued to the tiny garden and the falling leaves, and each time a car passes, your heart misses a beat.

           But the second the shiny black hood of the Impala actually appears and the car parks in your tiny yard, taking almost all the space of it, then everything feels hasty.

           You get up, closing the oversized flannel on your body, like it could hide anything. You can’t go back now. They will know, he will know and you will have that talk. It will probably hurt your already broken heart more than anything, but right now saving the man you will always love, and protect your baby are more important than any emotional torture life can come up with for you.

           You get up, shaking like one of those amber leaves desperately holding to the tree in your humble garden, and walk to the window, to watch the love of your life get out of his beloved car.

           A sharp pain hits your chest at the sight of him. Sam wasn’t lying when he said the spell was bad. Dean is leaner, his cheeks hollow and the contours of his eyes dark, his skin is pale, scruff messier than usual. He almost looks older. When he gets out of the car, he has to lean on the hood for a second before he can walk.

           What happened to him…

“Where are we ?” you hear him grunt through the slightly open window. “If you made me drive twenty-five hours for a hunt that isn’t one, I’m going to kill you.”

A hunt ? Oh… Sam didn’t tell him. You rub your face, that will make it even harder, you thought that he at least had agreed to see you.

“Dean” Sam sighs, stopping his brother who was walking to your door. “There is someone you need to see.”

“Someone I…” he repeats, annoyed, before his eyes widen. “No, Sam, you didn’t !”

The tall hunter nods looking down.

“No, Sam ! Are you fucking crazy ! I said I didn’t want to see her ever again !” Dean says, walking back to the Impala. “I’m out of here.”

You wipe your tired eyes again, wetting your hands with more tears.

“No Dean ! Look at you” Sam stops him. “You’re a wreck ! You don’t eat, you don’t sleep ! You scratched the Impala’s door while driving drunk and never fixed it, she- she’s starting to look like a trash can ! Nothing matters to you anymore ! You need to see Y/n !”

“I don’t !”

“YOU” Sam starts to yell but looks around and lowers his voice. “You can’t live without her !” he yells in a whisper.

           So, there never was a spell, and there never was a hunt. Sam planned this because Dean is depressed. But how could seeing you help him ? He’s the one who dismissed you after all, he’s the one who said Leave, and never come back.

“I’m going home” Dean groans, pushing his brother.

           He can’t leave, not now, not like that. Too late for your secret, and too bad for your heart…

           You walk to the door and take a long breath before opening the door.

“Dean ?”

           Sam is the first to see you, his eyes widening when they fall on you, hand going to cover his mouth…

           Then Dean turns around slowly, and lifts his glare going up on your body. He turns even paler, his red eyes wetting instantly.

“You drove all the way” you say low. “Take a coffee and a snack before you drive back ?”

“You’re pregnant ?” he asks even if the answer is obvious, you nod. “Me ?”

You look around and take a step back inside the house.

“Can we talk about it inside ?”

           Both brothers follow you in the house, acting differently : Sam is looking around at your pretty empty and depressing home, Dean can’t take his eyes off of your huge belly.

“Coffee ?” you offer in a weak voice.

“Is it mine, Y/n ?” Dean asks coldly, making your heart ache.

“He is not yours” you grunt. “But yes, he has your genes.”

He sucks his white lips in a thin line, making him look even leaner.

“What were you thinking ?” he groans, ignoring Sam’s protest.

“What was I thinking when you were fucking me in your bed and cumming inside of me you mean ?”

“When you decided to keep it !” he almost screams.

“Fuck you, Dean” you cry now.

He rubs his face in a sigh, and you put both palms on your stomach protectively.

“Sorry… I…” he can’t talk, but nothing he can say could hurt more now anyway. “So you… You knew ?”

“No. I found out after you kicked me out” you state.

“I didn’t ki-“

“You did, Dean” you sigh. “You literally told me that I had to forget you and leave the bunker before diner.”

“Well I was right” he grunts pointing at your stomach. “I, at least, avoided that this child is raised into hunter life.”

A little dark chuckle leaves you mouth.

“What makes you think my child will grow away from hunters ?” you say coldly.

His whole body language suddenly changes, and goes from angry to scared, his hands move up a little in supplication.

“What ? No…” his eyes are pleading you now. “You can’t do that. Y/n you… You can’t do that ! Tell me you quit hunting !”

“I WON’T RAISE MY BOY IN IGNORANCE !” you snap, pointing a threatening finger to his father’s face.

“Y/n… Sam starts but your finger turns to point at him.

“Excuse me Sam but you don’t have a word either” you state before you try to swallow the lump in your throat. “My child… Is the son of a Winchester, even if his dad won’t gave him this name. My son will be raised in a world where monsters, but also magic exists. And there is NO WAY I will ever lie to him.”

“So what ?” Dean asks. “That’s the life you want for him ?”

Rolling your eyes, you sigh. They don’t understand, they are blinded by their own experiences of life, like only they had known suffering, like only they knew what horrors this world holds. But they just ignore the cruelest things in life are not monsters, it’s helplessness, sickness, human cruelty, extreme poverty, abuse and meaningless accidents.

You know how much they suffered growing up, and they were dragged in it violently. But this doesn’t have to be a rule.

“I won’t…” you stop, bending a little when a little contraction hits you, sweat breaking from your lower back skin.

“Y/n” Dean worries, coming closer.

“Don’t touch me” you stop him. “I won’t choose a life for him Dean, that’s the whole point. My child will know so he can protect himself, he will know so he can learn to use magic if he wants, because normal life can be so cruel Dean. He will growing up knowing my past, that angels exist and that uncle Garth is a werewolf. And he will know who his father is ! Even if he wants nothing to do with him… And you know what” you say lower. “I’m pretty sure that’s what is going to hurt him.”

“It’s not a life for a child, Y/n” Dean pleads again. “I know what I’m talking about…”

“You know nothing” you cut him. “Your childhood wasn’t horrible because of that, it was horrible because your dad was an obsessive careless father that drank too much, treated you like shit and made you a child soldier !”

You know how much what you’re saying is hard to hear for him, but you intend to make that kid as happy as possible without lying to him. Mary did that before you, she hid her past and it didn’t go so well…

“My kid will go to school” you continue. “He won’t move out every three days, he will have friends and do sports or learn music or anything he wants. It won’t be easy because I will be alone, but I have friends. And when he grows up, if he wants to go to college and stay away from all of this, I will support him but at least he won’t be blind and helpless.”

“You make it sounds so easy” Dean shakes his head.

“Well it is pretty easy Dean” you state. “No lies, no tricks. Growing up having werewolves little cousins will be fun, knowing magic… It worked before, for the twins raised by their witch mother we met at Asa Fox’s funeral… Books are filled of stories of kids growing in special family or with heroes.”

“This is not a book” he sighs.

“I know, believe me I had time to think. I’m not stupid Dean.”

“I know you’re not ! But this is serious” he tries to come closer again.

You take a step back and look away, unable to face the eyes of the man that broke your heart so bad. But you continue, determined to say everything you have to say, before the love of your life disappears forever again.

“And Cas promised to check on him from time to time… An actual angel watching over him.”

“Cas knows ?” he gasps.

“Are you even listening to me ? You think normal life is so peachy, Dean ? Many kids fall sick, they are abandoned, abused or bullied… Mine won’t, he will live with the privilege of knowing the loopholes of life and how to fight the risks. He will grow in diversity…”

“But without a father…” Sam sighs.

“His father doesn’t want anything to do with me” you state.

Dean turns to his brother, his back on me, and rubs his pale face with both trembling hands.

“Can you leave us a minute ?” he asks him, and Sam nods, turning to get out of the house.

           Once we’re alone, the love of your life turns to you, his red eyes full of tears, his bruised and scratched hands flattening on the kitchen table for balance. His breath is shaky and his chest seems tight.

“I was terrified” he says. “Still am.”

You nod in silence, not knowing exactly what he means.

           You were good, you were even happy. Hunting with your best friends, living in the bunker you loved so much, surrounded by books, finally free from loneliness and, above all, with the man you loved more than anything making you feel like the most precious person in the Universe.

           But after one more night of making love, cuddling in his bed with his lips on your temple, his arms forbidding you to leave his side for the seventh night in a row, you let it slip.

I love you.

           And your world collapsed. Dean asked you to leave his bed for the first time, and before breakfast, he was ordering you to leave his life.

“I’m dangerous, Y/n” he says.

“Dangerous” you repeat without any conviction, tired of hearing the same chorus for years.

“People around me die” he says and you shake your head.

“They don’t Dean. Garth, Jody, Donna, Alex and many others… The people who die are the people getting involved in the war you had to fight” you say. “They died because of the war against Lucifer and Hell, not because of you. You saved thousand people, millions, billions actually. People make choices, they join the fight. You think the hunters that don’t know you live longer ?”

“And you still want to raise our child into this life.”

A dark chuckle escapes your mouth again.

“Stop saying our child” you groan. “My son will not be raised a hunter, he will be raised with them, knowing they exist and he will make his own choices.”

“We have to protect him” he says, tears filling his eyes.

“I have to protect him, if you want to visit him, nothing would make me happier than him having his dad in his life.”

You realize you’re crying when tears tickle your chin, and for the first time you really look at him. His face is full of emotions, so many that you can’t really recognize all of them.

“Nothing ?” he asks making you frown.

“What ?”

“Nothing would make you happier than the boy having me in his life ?” he asks, a big round tear dying on the corner of his mouth.

And you suddenly understand what he means. He means you : the only thing that would make you happier would be if he was in your life. A strangle sob makes you cover your mouth for dignity.

“Why are you doing this to me, you bastard ?” you frown, your hurt taking control of your words.

“I love you” he says.

“What are you doing ?” you sob.

He’s lying to protect your child or something.

“No, no, Y/n I’m serious” he walks to you, ignoring your hands trying to push him when your words are too drowned in tears to do it. “I love you… I… I thought pushing you away was the best thing I could do for you but… Sam is right, I’m fucking dying without you, look at me…” saying that in a deep low voice, he cups your face to make you stare into his eyes. “You felt it… You felt my love that’s why you said those words.”

Sobbing, you nod. You felt so loved indeed, the two of you were so close. Tenderness, friendship and desire all mixed together in the most perfect bubble of love…

“I know… I felt your love too” he says. “I’m sorry. Now I can leave but… What do you think would be the safest for our son ?”

Our son.

“To have you in his life, and his uncle S-Sammy” you whisper. “To live in the safest most amazing place on Earth, surrounded by knowledge, and go to that little school in Lebanon, to be babysit by Jack sometimes and Cas, and to go camping during summer holidays with Garth and his boys, l-like he offered…”

“That won’t be easy everyday” he states, wrapping his arms around you, his stomach against your big belly. “Maybe one of us has to stop hunting, but you’re stubborn… Or…” he thinks out loud.

You put your head on his shoulder, his smell is overwhelming.

“D-don’t…” your voice breaks and you finally hug him tight, clinging to him. “Don’t l-leave me alone here, Dean… P-please.”

His hands travel down your sides, not daring to touch your stomach, but his nose pushes your face up to kiss your mouth.

“I love you” another kiss. “I love you. I’m incapable of seeing the bright side of anything without you… and I can’t sleep. I want this baby Y/n, he wasn’t planned but the best things are not, right ?”

Taking his big bruised hands, you look up to search his face. For the first time since you saw him again, a little smile appears on his pale features. You gently tug at his hands to put them on your round stomach, watching torrents of tears fall from his tired eyes to your shirt.

“My child” he whispers, his lips trembling.

Your fingers go to the back of his head to touch his short soft hair, the wind opens the window a little more and caresses both of you.

“I love you” you dare again in a shy murmur, even if you had promised to never say those words again. “I spend my nights hoping he will be like you, and look like you.”

“I’m taking you home, both of you. How long do I have to get ready ?” he asks, putting his forehead on yours.

“Until Halloween.”

_______________________________

FEEDBACK IS MY FUEL

Tags : @parinarain​​ @mogaruke​​ @masterof-agony​​ @rainflowermoon @tftumblin​​ @deans-baby-momma​​ @roonyxx​​ @thefaithfulwriter​​ @vicariouslythruspn​​ @emeow1496​​ @daryldixonandfrogs​​ @holylulusworld​​  @cocklesbelli​​ @sandlee44​​ @screenchingartisancashbailiff @donnaintx​​ @stormchasingchick32​​ @akshi8278​​ @magssteenkamp​​ @sister-winchesters99​​ @neii3n​​  @lyss-dw79​​ @im-a-shrub​ @sadwaywardkid​​@hopelesslydevotedtoyou1912 @slyqueenj​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @waywardsisterandpie @sunsetsandbooks​​ @fangirlxwritesx67​​ @mrspeacem1nusone​​ @stylesismyhubs​​ @deanwanddamons​​ @jawritter​​ @peridottea91​​ @chelsea072498 @chocolateheart​​ @vicmc624​​ @teresa-67​​ @jessie-michael​​ @doctor-hp-mcu​​ @hawkerz12​ @mariaenchanted​

[mrs-tsunderemeitantei]

DISCLAIMER: HUGE, LONG RANT AHEAD!

ALSO SPOILERS IN CASE YOU'RE NOT UP TO DATE WITH THE MANGA OR WITH ZERO THE ENFORCER!

Soo in case you missed it, Gosho released the SDB Justice Plus some time last month:

The biggest shocker was the answer to Question number 4, shown below:

Basically this translates to:

Q4: On the Mystery Train, he (Amuro) said to Miyano Shiho that “My comrades who are tracking us have made arrangements in order to retrieve you”, but were those comrades from PSB? If that’s the case, I’m curious about how he planned to deceive Vermouth...!

A: Those were comrades from the Black Organization, so there was no need to deceive them.

Ummmm...what??

Idk about y'all but when I read this, I was livid. It didn’t make any sense to me. And quite frankly, I didn't want it to. Maybe because I am one of those (very rare) people who thought Rei and Shiho could eventually end up together (Don't laugh, it would have made sense, and I'll write about that in a separate post).

Anywho, safe to say Gosho's latest confession left me in absolute confusion. Like why? Just why? Then I realised I'm more butt-hurt about this because I was fixated on a certain idea of Rei's character and chose to ignore his other sides, as if they didn't exist. It didn't help that his past is so freaking depressing which got me sympathizing with his character and led me to either ignore or make excuses for any red flags.

But now that I think about it, it sadly makes sense. It also explains why he didn't show any sadness or regret when he saw Shiho supposedly ‘die’ in the luggage cart in the Bell Tree Train Arc.

Now to let me wrap my head around this, I needed to breakdown his three "faces":

1. Amuro Tooru is a cheerful, friendly, generous, carefree, outgoing man.

2. Furuya Rei is a serious, law-abiding, calculating, patriotic police officer who is willing to die for Japan's security.

3. And Bourbon is a devious, manipulative, cunning, deadly agent.

Yet, ever since we found out he was in fact an NPA agent, we (or at least I), seem to have forgotten about those dark sides he possesses. Also with Zero's tea time showing us a softer side of his character it was easy to get caught up in "he's 100% one of the god guys" when in fact, he's a complex, grey character. 

He has shown on multiple occasions, just how far he is willing to go, to achieve whatever goal he’s set his mind on. Let's not forget how in Zero the Enforcer, he completely flipped the switch. (I know this isn't Canon but...) The man went as far as to create a suspect and jail the innocent Mori Kogoro so he can legally investigate the case and emotionally manipulate Conan into unkowningly help with the investigation.

Also, in the Detective Nocturne’s case he deliberately didn’t tell Ran as soon as he noticed Conan might have been kidnapped by the criminal because he hadn’t finished investigating the apartment.

And in the Scarlet Arc, he was willing to harm Jodie's teacher friend, so he can lure out the FBI and advance his investigation on Akai’s death. Let’s not forget once he figured out the truth, he was willing to expose Akai’s fake death (which I get it he's out for revenge), but by doing so, he would have also gotten Kir killed (even though I'm pretty sure he knew at that point, she was in fact a NOC).

As we can see, be it Bourbon, Furuya Rei or  Amuro Toru, he will stop at nothing to reach his goals, even if it means throwing innocent people under the bus. So, now when Gosho says his "partners" were in fact BO members and not the PSB, I'm no longer surprised.

I mean, why wouldn’t he sell Shiho back to the organisation? Because he knew she was Sensei’s daughter, and that should have meant something to him? Alright, let’s talk about that.

Did he love Shiho’s mum? Yes, he did, there’s no doubt about that (one of the reasons he joined the joined the police in the first place was to find her, so you can't convince me otherwise).

But what if he loved Japan even more? (It's not canon, but he did say in Zero the Enforcer that the safety of this country matters most to him, even if it means he’d end up paying with his own life).

So, I'm going to take a wild guess as to how he could have felt when he found out the woman he loved as his own mother, willingly joined the deadly organisation that threatened the safety of his country. Based on his memories, he remembered her encouraging her husband to join the Carasuma group.

So, if through his investigations, he was able to realise she is the same woman from his childhood, I’m pretty sure he would have been very disappointed.  I’m not sure the extent of his knowledge about the drug, but if he also found out their research created the poisonous APTX-4869, I reckon it would be more reason for him to be upset.

Now let's talk about Haibara/Shiho. To any outsider who's unaware of the truth of her past, she is a woman born into the organisation, then was groomed and taught from a young age by the syndicate and promoted to take on their research. A research that produced a poisonous drug, just like her parents did. Also, she only ran away after the organisation killed her sister. Before that, she was a high-ranking member. With all these facts, why would he think of her as anything but a criminal just like the rest of the BO members? It’d be rather foolish for him to not hand her back to the organisation just because she is the daughter of the woman he once thought so highly of. If anything, he’d be killing two birds with one stone, by executing a criminal, while also gaining higher standing in the organisation.

As fans of Haibara, we are rightfully upset by his intentions of returning her to the organisation because we know her truth. He doesn't. It wasn't until we learnt more about her painful past and kind and caring nature that we grew to love her. We know she never wanted to create a poisonous drug. That she already hated the organisation for using the drug as a poison. That she had to develop the drug to protect Akemi’s life.

There is no way Rei would have known about any of the bullying she or her family faced from the BO. By nature, Shiho is very secretive and reserved and very little of her personality or history would have been known by any of the BO members (except maybe Gin). Therefore, apart from the files the BO would have kept on Shiho and her role in the organisation, that’s all Rei had to learn about her. So, I can’t really blame him for choosing to hand her back to the organisation.

Some people who are still in denial, argue that if he planned to kill Shiho, why was he willing to kill whom he thought was Vermouth instead of handing her over?

Shouldn’t that prove he was going to take Shiho to safety to the PSB, not the BO? Before Gosho's statement, I would have agreed but now...sigh. Now, I get why he did that. If Shiho were to die BEFORE she was returned to the organisation, he wouldn’t have gained the trust he was seeking. If she were to die AFTER he delivered her, I highly doubt it would have mattered to him. Although I'm still hoping he maybe he had a plan of not leaving her in the organisation's clutches after "handing her back" and he never truly intended on getting her killed. But since Gosho also said there was no need to deceive Vermouth, I highly doubt it. (Heart breaking).

After such an explanation, does everything make more sense now? Maybe. Am I ok with it? Hell no! I’m quite angry and annoyed that this is how things turned out to be, but it is what it is. We have to accept that Rei is not a good character, and he's not a bad character. He's a grey character and when you think of it that way, it's easier to understand his behaviour. Not that I agree with it. After Gosho's statement, I think pretty sure Rei is in dire need of some character development. He could stand to learn a thing or two from Conan who manages to reach his goals while preserving as many lives as possible (Akai's fake death being the burst example while managing to drive Kir back to the BO).

For now, I’m looking forward to the developments that will entail. I’m curious to see how Rei and Haibara will react once they eventually meet each other. It'll be interesting to see what will go through his mind once he figures out her true identity. One thing I'm sure of is once they're introduced to each other, emotions will be running high and things will get intense. Which honestly, I can't wait for and I'm counting down the days till I get a proper Amuro/Haibara interaction.

[woodsteingirl]

okay here’s the much awaited (at least for me) first chapter of my multi chapter fic, where we go from here! it will be below the cut but i’m also uploading it to ao3 here

It was supposed to be a run-of-the-mill ghoul hunt. They’d be back in a day at most. But it had been more than a day and Jack was getting worried. Normally he wouldn't be this on edge, but Sam was off the grid with Eileen and wouldn't be in range for a few days. Dean and Cas had gone to Tennessee three days ago to deal with a call from a concerned local authority who got their number after another hunter had stopped by the town to deal with a vampire nest. They’d promised Jack they would call him if they really needed him, but they hadn't been picking up his calls or listening to any of his voicemails. So he did the only thing someone with the innermost thoughts of a four-year-old would. He contacted the first person he could think of that Dean and Cas cared about, minus Sam.

Claire was doing the normal thing to be doing at one in the morning on a Tuesday. Sleeping. She was understandably alarmed when someone knocked on the door at that hour. She opened the door, marine-grade knife in hand (a birthday present from Dean), to a kid no older than herself.

“Who the fuck are you and what are you doing at my house at two in the morning,” she questioned.

“Hi! I’m Jack.” He raised his hand and did a little wave.

“Okay, Jack, still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I’m sort of your little brother? Did Dean and Cas not tell you?”

Dean and Cas? Huh. They had mentioned a kid, but she had expected a toddler not a teenage boy. “The god kid?”

“Yeah!”

“Huh. Okay then, so why aren’t you with Dean and Cas right now? They kick you out or something?”

“No, they’ve been on a hunting trip. They haven’t been home or answered any of my calls in a few days,” he shifted his weight from one leg to the other, “I came here to see if you’d help me look for them.”

Claire could see how worried the kid was and if anything she was no stranger to absent parents and she’d stop anyone going through that if she could. Plus it’s not like she had anything better to do these days.

“Okay but you have to let me get the rest of my night’s sleep. I’ll pack a bag and we’ll hit the road tomorrow morning.”

Jack was pretty much beaming at her now, it was evident that he looked up to Claire from what Dean and Cas had told him about her. Kaia, who he regularly talked to, also told him a lot about Claire. She was like the sibling he never had!

Claire already had a bag packed. It was her ‘drop everything, something bad has happened and I need to haul ass’ bag, so far she hadn’t had to use it aside from one time she just didn’t feel like packing a real bag. She didn’t think she ever would have to, but here she was. The stakes of the whole ordeal hadn’t set in her mind until now. If they didn’t find them or get there in time, Dean and Cas could be dead. They could be dead right now. She put those thoughts out of her mind, in favor of the more optimistic outlook of Jack’s probably just paranoid. She still couldn’t sleep very well that night.

Jack was still sitting on the couch in the living room. Claire still lived with Jody and the other girls so he couldn’t do much else without waking someone up. He eventually fell asleep on the couch. He woke up when Claire came into the room.

“You ready to go or what?” She asked.

“Yeah yeah im ready,” he mumbled back, still half asleep.

“Do you want me to drive?” Claire asked.

“I don’t have a car,” Jack said, with a look like it was the most obvious thing in the world that he wouldn’t have a car.

“How the hell did you get here then?”

“I can teleport.”

“I guess I’m driving then.”

Claire put her bag in the back seat and Jack took the passenger seat of Claire’s old Subaru. And they were off.

“So where are we going”

“Dean said they were going to Tennessee for a ghoul hunt. Someone in a small town called them, I’m not sure what town though.”

“Well, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover, then.”

They did have a lot of ground to cover. The seventeen-hour drive from South Dakota to Tennessee was a lot in and of itself, but to try and find Dean and Cas without having a clue where to look was another story.

“Do you want to look in the news for somewhere to start?” Claire asked, not looking away from the road. “Maybe if you found something in our lane we could take care of that and see if they knew anything about Dean and Cas.”

“Good idea.” Jack seemed to be happy just being out of the bunker and having something to do. He pulled out his phone to look at any news, he looked at all the major cities first. There weren’t that many. Nothing in Nashville or Knoxville.

“Heres something! A public works director in Chattanooga ran over the city treasurer with a car.”

“That just sounds like regular murder. Probably for money or something, maybe they wanted the position.”

“Yeah but there have been an increasing number of murder cases there, way more than normal, all in the past two weeks. It’s worth a shot, isn’t it? If it’s not our thing then we can just move on.”

“Chattanooga here we come, I guess,” Claire said. It wasn’t exactly the place she had thought of when thinking of the trip, she’d imagined a lot more action and less investigating a murder in Tennessee. But hey, it’s not for her sake. If it gets Dean and Cas back safe it’s worth it in her eyes.

About another hour passed in relative silence. It was going to get awkward if they were like this for another 12 hours.

“So do you listen to music?” Claire asked, just to break the silence.

“Yeah, I do. Mostly whatever Dean listens to.”

“Well do you want to play something?”

“Sure!” He seemed oddly excited about something as ordinary as picking the music, but he mostly rode in the car with Dean which means other people seldom got their say in what they listened to. Claire’s car had an aux cable which was also more than one could say about Baby. Jack really didn’t listen to much, he would listen to Disney soundtracks on occasion, but those are a sort of ‘listen to it once then it gets annoying’ thing.

“What are your thoughts on lo-fi hip hop beats to chill/study/sleep to,” Jack asked in a way that didn’t really sound like a question.

“There is really nothing else you can think of. In your super powerful angel kid brain, all you can think of is lo-fi beats to chill/study/sleep to.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

Truth be told Claire would rather listen to anything but lo-fi beats at the moment, but when put on the spot like that it’s hard to come up with an idea.

“We could just take turns playing songs for a while.”

It was a flat stretch of land for a good amount of miles up ahead so Claire didn’t need to focus so much energy on watching the road.

They went back and forth, Jack played Rainbow Connection from the Muppets and Claire played Celebrity Skin by Hole, so on and so forth. They went on like this for a while, Jack really liked Abba apparently. They eventually agreed on one of the premade “road trip” playlists on spotify. It was mostly dad rock.

“You still need to eat and stuff, right?”

“Yes, I may be part angel but I still have human DNA and organs.”

“Do you want to stop soon? It might be nice to stay overnight somewhere and just get there in the afternoon.”

“Sure. Saint Lewis isn’t too far away from here.”

They stopped at a shitty fast food restaurant and then went to try and find a motel. Instead of stopping directly in Saint Lewis, they decided to go nearer to Mark Twain National Park, as they figured they would find better luck finding somewhere available without a reservation. And they did. A shabby-looking motel almost directly off the one-lane road. They headed inside and sure enough, there were more than enough rooms. It was by no means the most pleasant place either of them had stayed, but it would do for the night. They’d be out early tomorrow morning. They checked in, the woman working at the desk couldn’t have been more than in her early twenties, which wasn’t what you would think of when you walked in, but they’d seen more suspicious things. Claire dumped her bag at the end of the bed closest to the door.

[brave-clarice]

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episode 1

Here are my extremely unfashionably late takes! They’re long, so strap in if you want.

okay, I genuinely thought the scenes in Gumb’s basement were ripped from the film for a second. extremely well done.

I both appreciate that they’re acknowledging the Bureau-mandated psych eval Clarice would have to go through (not sure she’d have to have another one a year later?)...

...but I sure wish they hadn’t chosen to open this show in a therapy-like session. it’s going to be subject to enough NBC comparisons as it is.

gosh, Rebecca Breeds is so pretty, and in the same almost, idk, elfin kind of way Jodie Foster is.

“Bride of Frankenstein”! a novel reference! and a Hannibal Lecter reference even though they can’t use his name! I’m excited

I was afraid of this part, though--everyone’s going to call her “Clarice” aren’t they?

it’s very significant that in the books, Hannibal is virtually alone in using her first name to address her; even Ardelia calls her “Starling.” but of course this series chose “Clarice” as its title, so...

“the checkout lady at the Safeway asked me to autograph a melon” omg

so Clarice has supposedly been “mandated” to see an FBI therapist for an entire year? hmm.

tbh, this feels kind of like a proxy for Hannibal’s scenes in the movie, especially with the therapist calling her “Clarice.” not sure if I dig it.

“...given that your last therapist was an inmate” Hannibal reference #2!

they’re explicitly talking about Hannibal without being able to name him and it’s hilarious, frustrating, and immensely satisfying all at once.

there’s no way to avoid talking about him altogether without being disingenuous to Clarice’s eventual character arc, so I’m glad they’re ripping off the band-aid early

“you let that relationship be intimate”  Yeah, Clarice and Hannibal’s relationship IS intimate and YOU! SHOULD! SAY IT!!!

it’s kind of ridiculous for this guy/the show not to acknowledge that little trainee Clarice was sent to see Hannibal by someone who should’ve known better. That Crawford was doing it with the intention to save lives doesn’t mean he didn’t use the shit out of Clarice.

that’s not to take away her agency or minimize the choices she made after she met Hannibal. She wouldn’t have been in a position to make those choices if Crawford hadn’t arranged it, though.

even if they don’t have the rights to Crawford’s name, either (I have to assume that’s the case) couldn’t they at least mention this??

“hasn’t seen her own family in years” Are they actually going to address Clarice’s maybe-dead-maybe-not mother (depending on the canon they adopt, book or film) and possible siblings??? Please tell me they are!

Clarice’s “egregious” PTSD doesn’t have much to do with Buffalo Bill ofc, and this therapist seems to be making excuses to be the first in a long line of men getting in the way of Clarice’s career goals...

...which she recognizes and confronts him about. Call him out!!!

*Anthony Hopkins voice* That’s my girl.

the way she’s been written in this scene gives me a lot of hope going forward! she’s funny, she doesn’t take any sexist bullshit, she’s calm and polite but you get a glimpse of the rage underneath. 

wow, they promoted Senator Martin to Attorney General!

the opening credits (if you can even call them that) are a let-down, though

she has her beads!

can anyone who’s not Hannibal please stop calling her Clarice

wonder if they’re going to touch on any of the extreme tension that existed between Senator Martin and Clarice in the novel? they didn’t interact in the movie, but in the book, Martin is under intense stress, and it doesn’t go smoothly.

of course in “Hannibal,” Martin invites her to “ride horses,” so they obviously reconciled after Catherine’s rescue and kept in some kind of touch.

and speak of the devil: horses! (and Catherine)

“I can’t have a reputation, I’ve only done it once” Thank you for being the voice of reason, Clarice.

“Paul Krendler” *ugly screaming commences*

“you don’t have any people, Clarice” Aaand that’s the plot of the Hannibal novel!

looks like they even gave her the ring Jodie’s Clarice wears!

oh yeah, this Krendler looks like a sumbitch if I ever saw one. No one will ever be as perfectly cast as the dude in Silence imo, but a much better fit than Ray Liotta. 

“small carat, but it’s a sweet ring” A very in-character observation probably directly informed by her comments about nail polish in Silence.

she mentions this victim’s nail polish (!) being “tasteful,” and I shrieked a little again.

I understand it’s necessary for Krendler to be a douche, but there’s not even going to be any payoff for the audience (or Clarice) when Hannibal eats him, so boo.

wait...wait, why aren’t Clarice and Ardelia in their Alexandria duplex? They’re not just best friends, they’re roommates! For the entire seven-year story! GIVE ME THE DUPLEX!!!

BUT points for Ardelia bringing Clarice a treat, since she was always leaving her candy bars in the Silence book!

Clarice interacting with the washer/dryer is a nice nod to the books, too.

speaking of... “What did we learn in the laundry room back at Quantico?” For some reason this line made me actually cry, I guess because this whole episode has been such a love letter to something I love so dearly, and it’s making me emotional.

FIRST PRINCIPLES!

DESPERATELY RANDOM!!!

wow, the men in Clarice’s new office giving her lotion as a hazing “welcome” gift is awful, and now I’m just mad (which is the point of the scene ofc).

so this ex-military OC is the John Brigham stand-in, I take it?

if that means John Brigham won’t be here, No Thanks.

Clarice telling him she’ll drive...a tribute to Dana “Why Do You Always Have to Drive?” Scully, perhaps (who was herself inspired by Clarice) as well as a nod to Clarice’s love of cars?

“Why do they call you the bride of Frankenstein?” Sorry, I don’t have the legal rights to tell you about my last intimate relationship.

“Already on my way to West Virginia Granny Witch” Look, this show could crash and burn from this scene on, and it would still have been worth it just for these first 25 minutes.

I like that Clarice is shown wanting to help people, and the scene of her with the baby is a nice call-back to the eventual shoot-out at the beginning of “Hannibal”...but I hope they don’t try to domesticate her too much. Clarice needs her hard edges. To be tough (reasonably so)--a cub growing into its big cat’s claws.

also, somehow I doubt that Miss Valedictorian spent her six years in the Lutheran home “changing a lot of diapers,” but sure, okay. If her siblings are alive in this, she might have changed their diapers!

even though Krendler’s a real dickwad so far, he’s not slimy enough for me. Needs more grease.

“I got a call from your therapist who’s concerned that you might genuinely flip out” I really do not like this subplot Sam-I-Am. Aren’t the huge glass ceiling/Boys’ Club obstacles enough?

seriously, though, I know Hannibal tells her that the metaphorical lambs will come back--at the end of Silence, though, she’s at some kind of temporary peace, not in danger of “flipping out” any time soon.

if Esquivel really is our Brigham stand-in, I’ve got...problems with that. He was Clarice’s teacher and became her friend, not some Krendler double-agent. (Also worried they’re setting him up as a love interest for her which...eesh, no thanks.)

and sorry, I actually hate that Catherine kept Precious the dog in this.

I have no problem with Catherine being a character, or with her interacting with Clarice...that said, I don’t know if her being shown as severely traumatized and reaching out to Clarice as a form of emotional lifeline is...a good idea?

I understand the symbolism of Catherine’s smashed mirror, but...smashed mirrors are already a Thing in this series (albeit not Clarice’s chapter in it), and that’s all I can think of here.

Catherine’s a victim of unthinkable trauma. Nevertheless...she’s talking to the woman who saved her life. Who risked death to do it. I just don’t like the way this scene is written. Apparently, in this show’s canon, Catherine hasn’t gotten the help she needs. But Clarice isn’t her therapist, and it’s upsetting to have Catherine being all “I’ll never be safe and neither will you.”

how does Catherine remember “the mannequins, the autopsy table”?? And why is she throwing them in Clarice’s face?

I’m going to stop talking about this scene now because it’s making me angry and a little upset, which is maybe the point? I just don’t think it’s written well. If Catherine’s going to be a recurring character, I hope she’s shown getting professional, medical help.

Clarice finding the victim’s papers in the box of pads is a direct callback to her finding the photos in the jewelry box in Silence. Nice.

let’s agree that Hannibal and Crawford are both in Ardelia’s (too-cutesy-for-me) book

another nice little X-Files homage?

I have some qualms about that big climax, but...meh. It was capital-F Fine.

Yikes, this is a full week late. Thanks for reading this entirely-too-long post through to the end, if you’re still here! 

To sum up my thoughts...

The Good: 

the visual connections to the Silence film (that green coat/blue knit scarf combo in particular)

Rebecca Breeds’ performance overall so far

Clarice’s strong writing/characterization

her sense of humor and her inclination to call out bullshit

maybe it was just me, but I also got a sense of Hannibal’s influence on her in some of her dialogue--her blunt observations--and I love it

Ardelia Mapp

the repeated in-your-face references to Hannibal Lecter

the respectful, non-exploitative way the victims were treated by the narrative.

let’s just say, not all Harris-inspired shows managed to do this. :)

the many, many allusions to the novel

“you let that relationship be INTIMATE” !!!

The Bad: 

the near-constant implication that all Clarice’s trauma stems from her experiences in Gumb’s basement

I just don’t understand this one...it’s not supported by the text imo

the “Clarice-is-a-psychological-loose-canon” subplot

almost everyone calling her “Clarice”

NO DUPLEX IN ALEXANDRIA! Boo!

Esquivel maybe replacing Brigham

the narrative choices they’ve made surrounding Catherine so far.

Seriously: please let Catherine seek/get help instead of screaming “HELP ME” at Clarice, who after all risked her own life to save Catherine’s, over the phone.

The Ugly: Paul Krendler, lol. Confession time: I also don’t care for the way they’ve styled her hair. Not sure why it bugs me, it just...does.

Overall, I’m thrilled to death with this. I was so afraid it would be disappointing, so even if it’s not a five-star episode (and pilots rarely are), it’s a great beginning! It’s beyond amazing to see our girl on the screen again. Just this hour-long episode did her character way more justice than the entire Hannibal film. Despite its shortcomings, it’s such a loving homage to characters and a story that mean a lot to me, and I love it just for that.

Going forward, I’d like to see more of Clarice as a person. Her hobbies and interests--cars, sharpshooting, running, fashion magazines stuffed under her bed, horseback riding, her total inability to cook...anything would do. I of course want to see more of her with Ardelia. I want to hear more about her backstory and find out which version of it (truly orphaned when her father dies or sent away by her mother) they’ll choose to explore. And while we all agree that this show is about Clarice and she don’t need no man, I won’t lie: I’d gobble up more sly references to Hannibal. He’s her endgame, after all.

I’d also like to really see the warrior underneath. There are flashes of her in the last twenty minutes of this episode. But Clarice Starling is a big cat, she’s a warrior, she’s between iron and silver. I’d hate for her to spend most of this show doe-eyed and traumatized. I want her to be ferocious, to see the woman who’s a match for the monster.

Krendler needs to get nastier. He should make us feel like we need to shower. In the novels, he wants to use Clarice--only for her body. And when she won’t allow him to, he takes his revenge. That’s what makes him so particularly awful. Let’s amp him up here.

And finally...maybe I’ll appreciate Catherine’s scene more on a second watch. Maybe I’m not being sensitive enough to her trauma, her struggles. But I didn’t like the way that scene was staged or scripted, and I didn’t like the suggestion that she just hasn’t gotten help after a year and is subsequently taking her pain out on Clarice on some level. I hope future episodes handle this subplot, and her character, a bit better.

Please let me know if you guys would like me to do another of these monstrosities for the next episode. (I promise it won’t take me an entire week this time!) And thank you again for reading!!! 

[earbuds-and-hightops]

An Open Letter to Supernatural

[ Spoiler warning for 15x20, obviously ]

I understand that a well-contemplated complaint about this ending cannot be made without first reading the original, pre-COVID, script of 15x20, but in the long run, the initial plan is not what will be remembered. 

What will be remembered is what this show created. What it became beyond two brothers driving around the country, hunting monsters. Characters were introduced and developed, and in that, Sam and Dean Winchester become so much more than two kids living on the road. In the past 15 years, the cast, and thus the family, grew to something that would be unimaginable to those who started this project back in 2005. Not only did the characters and their stories become meaningful, but the show itself grew into, well, a family. The fans who have kept this show alive since Day 1 have come together to form what I believe is the greatest community in pop culture. 

What hurts the most is that this finale did not do any of that development justice. 

The finale (and consequently the episodes leading up to it) reverts back to the story between only Sam and Dean. While some see this as an ode to who they are--their brotherhood and familial bond being the heart of their values and the root of their characters--I cannot help but see this as a rejection of their experiences this past decade and a half. 

What’s worse, episode 15x18 confirmed one of the most pure and powerful and goddamn beautiful romances that television will ever see. This story of an angel who abandoned his family and the only beings he’s known for thousands of years, all for one person. I knew from the instant the screen faded to black on November 5 that the story of Castiel will always be remembered, even if his feelings were unrequited. Castiel will always be remembered. 

And then there’s Destiel. I was genuinely impressed that this show would even grow to include a queer angel, more importantly, a queer character in a leading role. The queer-baiting and the “bury your gays” trope both make this confession and its lack of acknowledgement that much worse (and is worthy of an entirely separate open letter for another night). It matters less if Dean does or doesn’t reciprocate these feelings and more that it’s wrong that he completely ignores it. Cas’s love confession, this beautifully tragic and tragically beautiful emotion coming from a being who wasn’t supposed to feel emotions at all, is something that, unfortunately, will become a secret that dies with Dean Winchester. 

It’s truly a shame that the writers of this show let that happen. 

We haven’t even touched the fact that Castiel’s death was an act of sacrifice to save Dean. Dean’s limited reaction and lack of mourning* tears apart this phrase that has become pivotal to the entire show and fanbase: “Family don’t end in blood.” While it would be a lot to ask that Dean rescue Cas from the Empty and resume their cycle of rescue and resurrection, I think it’s only fair that Dean take the time to fully accept Castiel’s actions and words for what they mean instead of simply moving forward as if they never happened.

What’s more, Misha Collins is one of the greatest and kindest people in this world, and he’s poured his heart and soul into Supernatural, just like everybody else. He’s spent 12 years on this project, and the final two episodes hardly mentioned his character. He didn’t deserve this. It’s heartbreaking that his last credit on this show will be a prank call from someone trying to impersonate him, and not something that pays tribute to such an important character and important actor**

The most devastating part of this ending is what happened in 15x19. Pardon my French when I say that that episode, the ultimate climax of the season and latter half of the series, was a piece of dog shit. It’s incredibly frustrating to invest in 15 years worth of television and look forward to this ultimate battle between two average boys and God the Almighty Himself and to instead watch a 6-minute long fist fight on the beach with the only dialogue being variations of “seriously guys, stay down.” 

My issues with 15x19 lie less in the storyline that was chosen and more in how they were presented. I am completely on board with Jack taking God’s power and eventually becoming the new God, but the episode was far too quick to have any real meaning, and, as stated before, Castiel’s sacrifice, which allows Sam, Dean, and Jack to do what they do in 15x19, is hardly mentioned.

Most fans agree that 15x19 was far too quickly paced. The plot with Michael and Lucifer was questionable to begin with, but should have been an episode on its own if it were to be perused at all. Michael’s story in particular could have been fleshed out to reiterate this theme of overly loyal sons and their fathers, as well as their relationships with less loyal siblings, but was instead reduced to about 20 minutes of screen time. 

Though this is less important, Lucifer’s plan to make a new Death felt like a cheap cop-out just to close the storyline with Death’s book, but we can finish that discussion another day. 

The general fan reaction to this atrocity of an episode was that this was meta, and according to Becky, the ending was supposed to be dog shit. This, along with the untouched storyline started when Cas died, gave fans so much hope that the finale would be this amazing piece of art that puts Supernatural in the history books. 

While it’s obvious that an hour cannot perfectly tie up every single event and arc with a pretty little bow, it can at least...try. Any finale should, at minimum, pay tribute to what the show started as (which 15x20 did well) and what it became (which 15x20 failed to do miserably). 

In addition, a reference to character back in season 1 is incredibly frustrating when recurring characters with actual, well, character go unnoticed. I mostly reference Eileen here, but this also applies to Jody and Donna. Nobody even mentions the other wonderful friends who have helped Sam and Dean along their journey to Heaven. If family doesn’t end in blood, then why doesn’t it extend to include Castiel, Jack, Mary, Rowena, Charlie, Kevin, Jody and her girls, Donna, and so many others?

Dean’s death was sad, I’ll give them that (and honestly, I was expecting it). However, considering that this man has defeated apocalypses, killed Death, and taken down God, his death via nail in the wall was incredibly anticlimactic, and something that could literally have happened at any point over the 15 seasons. While Dean’s death was obviously not my ideal ending, I think it could have worked if it were done properly, and in this case, it was not. That said, I do appreciate that Sam did not try to bring Dean back, as that would indicate literally no growth at all.

Dean’s funeral was...pathetic, to say the least. Sam being the only person there was depressing considering that Dean had lots of other close friends (and you’d think that Jack would pay his respects, but apparently not), however, this is likely a scene that was impacted by COVID and the availability of some of the cast, so I will not dwell on that scene.

Dean’s time in Heaven complicates matters even more. Firstly, Bobby confirms that Castiel is no longer in the Empty and has been in contact with Jack. I would have loved to see this reunion; Cas is essentially Jack’s father, and I would have loved to see how their upgrading/remodeling of Heaven brought them closer together. I understand that the writers were trying to focus this finale story on the brothers, this goes back to my earlier point that you cannot simply ignore everything that that this show has grown to include. Bobby’s explanation also begs the question of why Dean had no intention of seeing Cas (or Jack, for that matter) again now that he has the opportunity.

Secondly, Dean’s instinct to go directly for the Impala was very in-character, however, the editing implied that driving was all Dean did until Sam died. As we know, Sam dies of old age, likely (completely guessing here) upwards of 40-50 years from Dean’s death, and that is a very, very long time for Dean to simply driving around the mountains. It would have been nice to see Dean reunite with other family and friends who are also in Heaven, however, again, COVID restraints.

Sam’s ending was similar to what I and a lot of other fans imagined (not necessarily wanted, but predicted) it to be: kids and a wife, living a normal, monster-free, life. I hate to believe that he doesn’t end up with Eileen (to my recollection, his wife was a blur in the background, and it is unclear if she was meant to be Eileen) however that might just be my bias and appreciation of Shoshannah Stern. While I’m glad that this storyline gave Sam the room to grow and develop without his brother, it also completely ignores everything that he’s been through this past decade and a half, and that is something that should not happen. Sam grew and changed so much since he left Stanford and leaving that life, the life of a hunter, behind feels very counterintuitive.

Let’s not even discuss the wig that Jared wore. It reminded me of the Cain wig that Rob wore in the Hillywood parody.

What shocked me the most at the beginning of this episode was the lack of a “The Road So Far” compilation. I hoped for the full song with a recap of all 15 seasons, or, at minimum, the typical single-season recap. “Carry On My Wayward Son” is such an important part of the show and the culture of the fan base, that it seems almost sacrilegious that the season finale not begin with this song and a memorial to the events in the past season (or series).*** I’m very happy that it was included at all, but I was shocked when Neoni’s cover took over.

No disrespect to Neoni; those girls are incredibly talented and I love their music, however, a series finale of a 15 season long show does not feel like the place for a cover when they already have the rights to the original, and the original is so iconic.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge Jensen Ackles’s reaction to this conclusion. At a con panel about a year ago, he said that he needed to be talked into agreeing to this script by Erik Kripke himself, because the ending just wasn’t sitting right with him. So many fans took this to believe that he was homophobic and afraid that of Destiel becoming fully canon, and he got so much more hate than he deserved, because ultimately, he was right in his first opinion. This isn’t the way this story should have ended. Jensen explained that he had been “too close” to the story, and that it took a more holistic view from a step backwards (the audience’s perspective, as he puts it) to agree on this ending, but honestly, nobody knows Dean Winchester better than Jensen, and he knows what’s best and what would be the best way to finish this character’s arc. I think fans and Jensen alike agree that this wasn’t it.

I sympathize with all of the cast and crew members who disagree with how this show ended but are bounded by contract to support this show no matter what. Especially Misha and Jensen.

Over all, I believe that Supernatural will go down in history (in internet communities, at least) as one of the greatest shows ever. While I do agree that the writing quality in terms of both dialogue and plot declined as years passed, the community, the family, that this show created cannot be ignored because of a poorly written/planned ending. I think that the fandom will collectively let go of this disaster of an ending that we were given and will, just like Sam and Dean, write our own stories. I have full faith and confidence that Supernatural will not be represented by this finale episode, but by the beautiful stories, amazing characters, and the family that this show created and what the fans have chosen to do with it.

Sincerely,

A Fiercely Frustrated but Fiercely Loyal Fan

* I do not count that last clip of Dean crying on the floor as mourning. In my mind, that was a reaction, not an emotional healing and overcoming, if that makes sense. I argue that if Dean were to fully mourn and process everything (like Sam did in 15x20) we would have seen at least a bit of that on screen. 

** This is where I would have loved to see some of the original scripts. I hope that the writers initial intentions were to have Misha more involved in these last two episodes than what was likely a voice memo created in 10 minutes tops at Misha’s house.

*** The strange montage at the end of 15x19 makes so much more sense. I still would have preferred that montage at the beginning of 15x20. This also shines light on the video that Misha posted. What would we do without him :)

[acklesangel97]

Sad. Disappointed. Pissed off. Heartbroken. All the emotions. I just can’t believe they thought that was acceptable. I’ve got a few points to make.

* I just cannot get over the fact that not only they chose to kill Dean off but like THAT and THAT soon? Like, this man, this incredible man, has gone through SO much and suffered SO much and he’s just defeated god (didn’t even kill him, he spared him) so he can FINALLY live his life and be FREE and he barely gets to enjoy that before he meets his end at the hands of a fucking rusty nail sticking out of the wall?? NO! That’s fucked up! What even is that? He’s a hero! He should’ve died like a hero but not before he at least got to enjoy his life first. Or he could’ve retired cos god knows if anyone deserved to retire it was Dean Winchester. Just... a rusty nail? Really??

* And Dean’s death scene was so emotional, so heartfelt with some beautiful words and moments and I did cry a lot. But for me that scene, and even the scene at the end (and other scenes throughout the series involving the brothers) are ruined by w*ncesties. I feel like I can no longer appreciate Sam and Dean’s incredible bond and love for each other without thinking about them loving it for all the wrong reasons and making into something sick and twisted and thinking that they won and that their sick incest ship went canon. So they ruined that.

* WHY WASN’T CAS THERE??! It was established that he’s out of the empty, alive and well and helped Jack redesign heaven so why couldn’t he have appeared for one fucking minute?! I’m not even talking about destiel rn, Castiel was such an important and loved character on the show and saved the show more than once so why couldn’t he have been there? Greeted Dean in heaven? And after Bobby mention that Cas helped Jack, that was totally an opening for him to appear. Even if when Dean was driving he could’ve stopped when he found Cas, gave him a hug or something idk. Just so disrespectful to the character and to Misha.

* Now talking about destiel. I genuinely don’t think I would’ve been as disappointed in that finale if we didn’t get the “I love you” in 18. Cos before that, my hopes and expectations were LOW. I was expecting to be let down and to be sad. But then THAT happened and we were given hope and the show had a huge opportunity to make this finale iconic. Like the whole idea of Dean saving Cas from the Empty, raising Cas from perdition, coming full circle... that would’ve been incredible. What a story. But even just Cas meeting Dean in heaven would’ve sufficed. And they set it all up so perfectly for Dean to tell Cas he loves him too (I mean we all know he does anyway, we have eyes). Amazing character development. It would’ve been such a beautiful end to what can only be described as the greatest love story... I feel it was left so open-ended and incomplete cos Dean never got to say something back to Cas. And Cas was BARELY mentioned in the last 2 episodes. We were all annoyed at Jensen and Misha for not saying anything and saying 18 was Cas’ last scene and we didn’t believe them but they were just trying not to set us up to be disappointed. But alas, we are all clowns. Jensen even said he didn’t want to put Dean into a box and that he was open to all interpretations of that scene and how Dean felt, trying to give us some validation. So thanks for that boys, honestly. We should’ve listened.

* Why didn’t Sam end up with Eileen? Who tf was that random woman he married and had a kid with? I mean they wouldn’t even let the straight couple we all shipped be together?

* Maybe not quite as important but what was with that grey wig they gave Jared? And couldn’t they have tried to make his face look older?

* Also why did they bring back that random vampire from season 1 for like 30 seconds before killing her? Pointless.

* No one was at Dean’s funeral? Just Sam and Miracle? I know, Covid and all that but they surely could’ve gotten like Jody and Donna and a couple of the girls or other hunters they knew and stood socially distanced or something. Cos for all Dean’s died many times he’s never had a hunters funeral. Where’s the respect?

So yeah, not very pleased. At all. But this is what we’re stuck with. Can’t change it. Will I eventually make peace with it? Idk. I mean I have always said I would only be content if they were both dead in the end cos I couldn’t go on with my life wondering what one or both of them were up to or if they were ok. So it gave me closure in that sense. But they sort of dismissed the whole “family don’t end with blood” thing and the chosen family they made over the years and brought it back to just the brothers. And I get that Sam and Dean are at the heart of the show but the show became so much more than just them throughout the years. I think the beginning and the end were ok, I just didn’t like most of everything in the middle.

But SPN has introduced me to some wonderful people and an amazing fandom who are really like a crazy, dysfunctional family and I’ll always love it for that. It’s shaped so much of my life and who I am and it’s brought me a lot of joy and comfort over the years. I won’t abandon it or the fandom. And at the end of the day, there’s always fanfiction.

[nellie-elizabeth]

okay, bear with me because this is kind of an unhinged ramble, but one of the things that’s sort of been driving me bonkers in the back of my head is that the finale was terrible... but that I honestly think it would have been quite easy to change just a few little things to make it... well, maybe not good, but certainly less rage-inducing. I don’t think any version of the story as presented to us would have left me thrilled by this ending, but I can actually think of a few very easy changes that would have had me walking away maybe a little irked, certainly disappointed in what we didn’t get to see, but ultimately more at peace.

Let’s pretend this is a world in which they couldn’t/didn’t want to have Misha in the finale, couldn’t get a big ol’ group of returning stars... and we basically had to work with a bare-bones structure like what we saw in the finale. So this isn’t pie-in-the-sky, what I would do if I could have what I wanted... This is down to earth, pragmatic, simple things they could have done to make it better, if we’re constrained to the basic shell we were provided.

Ready?

1) This is the big one: flip around the "Sam’s domestic life with his son” montage so that it starts BEFORE the vampire case and Dean’s death.

So basically, the montage at the beginning, we see the boys living normally in the bunker. We get the pie scene (which I’ll touch on in a second). But then, instead of segueing straight into the hunt where Dean dies, we see a flash of the next 5 to 10 years of their lives. We see them living in the bunker, but it gets slowly more homey, more lived-in. Vitally, for Dean’s character specifically, we see hints of him picking up new hobbies, maybe he’s playing the guitar, we see him in the kitchen, maybe he’s playing D&D, I don’t know. Something to show that Dean is living life and enjoying it, getting to find out who he is without the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s not totally settled, you get the sense that the lingering sadness of his losses, the trauma of his life, is always going to weigh on him... but he’s doing what he can to enjoy the little things, and he’s taking pride in his continued work as a hunter.

Eileen moves in, and if we can’t see the actress, fine, we can have Sam saying “Eileen called, she’s getting home late, we should start dinner” or whatever. It’s implied that the three of them are living there together. We see that Sam has a son, we see that Dean is an active part of the kid’s life, a great uncle, totally spoiling his nephew. Maybe we see shots of Sam and Dean on other hunts, we have phone calls, mentions like “hey, Jody has a lead” or “Charlie called, she wants us to back her up on xyz.” Basically, through a montage or through a short sequence of scenes, we see that Sam and Dean have continued on, life as usual... but there’s a peace to it now without big cosmic forces standing in their way. Maybe Sam and Eileen semi-retire and move out into the suburbs, and we get shots of Dean-as-the-new-Bobby, a role I always imagined for Sam, but it works for Dean, too.... the bunker is central station, he’s coordinating things, he’s finding new skills within the life of hunting, he’s mentoring people and still getting to save people and hunt things.

And then, Sam and Dean, who don’t always hunt together anymore as Dean often goes off with other hunters, and Sam and Eileen are less active in the field now that they have a kid, decide to take a case together, just a routine hunt. Cue Dean getting impaled on a nail (or maybe he dies in a less awkward way so he doesn’t have to lean against a wall and make his big death scene looking completely unhurt? Which I thought was really strange).

But basically, we could have a version of the death scene as stands. I do not hate the idea of Dean dying in a relatively “mundane” way... literally just the idea that he lived for a handful of years after defeating Chuck makes the idea of his death SO much less empty and devastating for me, because this time Dean didn’t get cut down before he got to enjoy his life at all. It’s still sad that he’s dying younger than he should have, but he died doing a thing that he loved, he found love in the hunting lifestyle without the pressure of other’s expectations, and we got to SEE that, we got to see him making it his own, and making it just one important slice in a more robust and happy life.

Vitally, instead of saying “it’s always been you and me” during the goodbye speech, and making it all about how Sam is the center of Dean’s world, it would be framed more like “I’ll be okay, Sammy, and so will you... go home to your family, to our family, tell the kid to be good, but not too good, okay? And I’ll go be with our family that’s already passed on... we’ll see each other again. We’ve got Jack looking after us.” When Sam says “I can’t do this alone,” Dean doesn’t answer “yes you can...” Instead he says “you’re not alone, Sam.” Because he’s not. He has a family already at this point, and Dean is his family, but he’s not the only person left in Sam’s world that he loves. Dean can still say he was scared to get Sam at Stanford, that he didn’t know what he’d have done without Sam... but he’s so glad they got to be family, got to share so many amazing years, got to be best friends and be there for each other through so much craziness. This time, Sam’s “don’t leave me” isn’t quite as soul-renderingly tragic, because Sam has a wife and a kid already. The death scene would emphasize the tragedy of this separation, but acknowledges that they’ve grown to have more to live for outside of each other.

Then, we see more of Sam growing old, but he seems less utterly miserable, had more years with his brother before the end, knows that Dean got to be a part of his kid’s life, and feels confident that Dean is at peace and that he’ll see him eventually.

2) The second change is even more simple, it’s literally just adding in a couple extra lines of dialogue to... fix the Castiel situation a bit. So. Ahem. Again, this is imagining a world where Misha can’t be in the episode, where we’re keeping the basic structure. There are just two small changes that fix this, for me.

One, before the montage and Sam having a kid and all that, at the pie festival scene at the beginning... when Sam says “I miss Cas and Jack,” we get a slightly more robust response from Dean. He talks about how they fought so hard to break free of their unhealthy cycles, to escape the influence of fate, and that as much as he wants Cas back, he can’t risk making things worse again and betraying Cas’ sacrifice... but THEN, IMPORTANTLY, he says “Jack’s gonna be hand’s-off, but we know he’ll look after Cas no matter what.” This could be just a faith thing, or if we’re allowed to stretch back into 15x19 and fix that too, Jack could even say that as part of his goodbye, like, “I’ll make sure Cas is at peace.” So now, even though it’s annoying that Dean isn’t rushing to rescue Cas from the Empty, it could be more akin to the later decision when Dean tells Sam not to try and bring him back. Sam knows Dean is going to a peaceful afterlife when he dies, and Dean and Sam let Cas go because they know he’s safe with Jack and also given his rest/peace. (Instead of what we got, which was just... they knew Cas was in the Empty and didn’t even bother checking if Jack would like... handle that?)

Second, when Dean goes to Heaven, at least having lived a decade or so of the life that Cas sacrificed himself to provide for him, he sees Bobby, Bobby gives him the spiel, says that Jack and Cas helped make Heaven better (in this version, Dean would be less surprised by this; he would have known even as he was dying that Jack was going to look out for him and all of the other deceased souls). And then Bobby says, “what do you want to do?” and Dean says “I want to see my family... gotta get some good quality time in before Sam shows up and hogs all the attention.” So it’s like a balance of the fact that he’s waiting for Sam and can’t wait to see him again, but it’s implied that he goes and hangs out with his mom (and dad, ugh, John is the WORST, but maybe he went through The Good Place afterlife and he’s learned to be a good person lol), with Bobby, with Cas, and even with Jack, maybe, as perhaps the new God doesn’t mind chillin’ with the already-dead humans, or at least the ones who raised him.

It would be dealer’s choice as to how Destiel-ish Dean’s final line here could be... he could say the thing about waiting for Sam but going to reunite with his family, first, and throw in something about “there’s a conversation with someone that I really need to finish.” Something vague enough that the homophobes would let it fucking air on TV, but promising enough to put a smile on at least some people’s faces.

Then, instead of the montage being just Dean driving around, we get something a little different, but still very simple. We see Dean maybe hanging out in a house in Heaven, playing with Miracle the dog, maybe a callback to a hobby we saw him have on Earth, playing music or cooking, implying a full afterlife even if we don’t get to see the other people... he’s setting a table for like a dozen people who are coming over soon for dinner, or he’s shouting out “hurry up, my parents are hosting” to an unseen occupant in another room, we see Cas’ trench coat slung over a chair, general signs of habitation and home.

We’re cutting between this Heaven montage of Dean, with the montage of Sam on Earth, growing older (and in my version, someone who knows what they’re doing makes Jared’s wig and age makeup look less like the stuff of nightmares, oh holy hell....). We see Sam letting go, dying of old age, going to his rest...

And in Heaven, Dean suddenly freezes in the middle of playing fetch with the dog, or frying up some bacon for breakfast. He gets a look on his face... a hopeful smile. He’s just realized that Sam is coming. He can sense it. This is what he’s been waiting for, the last thing he needs to make Heaven truly perfect. He gets in the impala (which isn’t literally the spirit of his car, it’s just that everything he loves from Earth gets to be with him in Heaven), and he drives off to the bridge while “Carry On Wayward Son” kicks onto the radio. He gets out of the car, reunites with Sam, says “hey, Sammy. Everyone’s going to be so excited to see you.” They hug, they look out over the bridge... The End.

SO. Just to reiterate, this is NOT my version of what the “perfect” finale would have been. This is more just a way for me to process my feelings about the fact that the episode was pretty much entirely awful in my opinion, and it would have been relatively easy to fix it so that it was only... medium awful. Like, with basically no huge changes, just letting Dean be a part of his nephew’s life, getting to be a part of Sam’s life as Sam started a family, and then still having the poignancy of him dying before his time, but also as a hero, as the best version of the thing he always thought he needed to be but now has chosen to be, has taken ownership and pride in. And then by just buffing up some dialogue in a couple of spots, we could have had an episode that still centered primarily on Sam and Dean, still ended on just the two of them (which, frankly, I’m not mad about, it’s their show, and it has been from day one...), but still honored the message of “family don’t end in blood.” Still honored the idea of found family and community and belonging and living for more than just each other.

And if that’s what I had walked away with... well, I would have had some complaints. But I think the whole thing would have felt a lot less... empty to me. And it would have been doable, within the constraints of COVID, and limited actor availability, etc.

There have been some finales that I’ve hated so truly and thoroughly that there was simply no way to engage with them without it tainting the whole show for me. This finale was so weird, because I feel like just a few band-aids, some punch-ups to the script, would have made me feel SO much better about what we got. They didn’t need to reinvent the wheel with this one. Even given the constraints, they could have been a little more creative, a little more thoughtful, and pissed people off a lot less.

[castielsangel-blade]

So it's taken me a bit of time to get my thoughts in order on the finale and, of course, I did not like it. In fact, it left me with more questions than answers and not in good way that stories sometimes do. This was just... not good.

Below, I'm going to list some reasons why I didn't enjoy it. But, as an aside, if you did like it, then I'm glad! I'm happy you're not hurting about it!

So, the episode starts off kinda, y'know, happy-ish. It's a little uneasy because we have no idea where it's going, or what they're gonna do. Sam's on his run, Dean's waking up, and Miracle jumps on his bed. It's nice. But they only show the brothers, which leads me to my first reason.

1. Eileen isn't there. In fact, no one is.

Eileen was Sam's established love interest, so, surely, we should see her or at least hear her mentioned considering she got dusted off-screen in the previous episode. And Sam's a very caring person, he would definitely go check up on her but we got nothing. No mentioned in passing, no picture in his room, no glance at his phone screen to see a message from her. Just... nothing.

After they're all ready for their day, Sam sits across Dean and Miracle in the library and asks if he found anything. It turns out to be a pie festival or some shit and that shows us that Dean wasn't even looking for a hunt. He was just surfing the 'net while he petted Miracle (I love that damn dog) affectionately. So, they go to the pie thingy and this next part, Dean got a lot of crap for but I honestly get it.

When Sam said he thought about and missed Jack and Cas and Dean replied with that he did too, but then "brushed it off", I honestly think that was on par with his character. Dean this past season (and all seasons, but especially this one) had really grown. He would talk about things bothering him to an extent. In my opinion, mostly to Cas. Sure, he'd eventually tell Sam but usually after some huge fight but it just came naturally with Cas. And it's because it's just easier to talk to your friends and let them see you in a "weak" moment than with your family—especially when said family is someone you've protected for a majority of your life. I think that was definitely in character (although my headcanon is that Dean cries late at night when it's just him and only Miracle is there to comfort him).

So next, a case just falls into their lap and they soon discover that it's a hunt John never completed. And here's my next reason.

2. John was said to be one of the best hunters, but he didn't know that was a vamp nest.

Look, it just doesn't make any sense. Sure, they wore masks and did some other weird shit to throw hunters off the trail, but the most prominent sign points to vampires! Sam got it in one, so, really, what the hell?

So they go and find the nest pretty easily and it's a simple MOTW ep. And the boys have fought some major Big Bad's in their day, so run-of-the-mills vamps should be pretty easy, right? Apparently not, which leads me into my third reason.

3. The actual vampire didn't even kill Dean their usual way. Didn't turn him, didn't rip out the throat or anything like that. In fact, the vampire simply got lucky.

Sure, you could argue that their plot armor was gone, but that's not fair. The Winchester Brothers are amazing hunters and they do know how to actually fight. That wasn't Chuck, at least, not all of it. The vampire did just get lucky and that's the devastating part. Dean didn't go out in some huge, end of the world battle. He went out with a stab to the back (one could argue that that's the network stabbing his character in the back and I'd honestly agree). Dean died terrified. Which leads me into my next reason and also an opinion that I haven't seen anyone else share.

4. Sam could've healed him or gotten him help.

I don't knock Sam for this. Dean was genuinely frightened. But this brings me to my opinion. So, Dean, as we all know, has spent his entire life thinking he's not good enough, that he's meant to die bloody, he's just a soldier, a grunt, that he doesn't matter, not the way Sam does. I feel like Dean was aware that Sam could've helped him pretty quickly considering the fact that Sam was a witch trained under Rowena, and he chose to let himself die at that moment. He figured this was the way he was always gonna go and since he doesn't have to worry about another big bad coming onto the board, I think he felt that it was time to stop cheating Death—it always ended messy. Sure, I do truly think he wanted to live his life (more on that later), but I think in this moment, he actually wanted to die. He'd lost Cas, and Jack was in the wind and dust and rain and whatever the fuck else. All he had was his brother and Miracle and Sam could take care of himself now along with Miracle. In that moment, that's all he could think about.

5. No one else attended Dean's funeral.

Maybe Sam didn't tell anyone so he could just mourn alone, but there's no way, had anyone else known, that they would let Sam be alone after losing the only biological family member he had left. That just doesn't make any sense. It certainly wouldn't have gone over well with Jody and Donna; they'd at least show support for Sam. But Claire, Alex, Patience, Krissy even???? Garth, Bess, and the kids??? Or every hunter in the US of A seeing as, despite causing a lot of the bad shit in the show, they did clean everything up and saved/helped a lot of people. Out of respect, surely they'd show up.

6. From the official looking document sitting on Dean's desk that we see as Sam's mourning, Dean was looking into a job.

This is important because it means that he was getting ready to retire (also why he wasn't looking for any hunts). He wanted to live his life for Cas and everyone they lost, so their sacrifices weren't in vain (and he died anyways, jesus christ).

So after that brief time alone, Sam packs up everything and Miracle and they leave the bunker. This next reason is kinda stupid, but it really did hit me hard.

7. No one knows all that history is down there. And if they do, no one can get to it.

Sam had to have locked it up so all that knowledge didn't fall into the wrong hands. You could argue that he told his son about it, seeing as his son does have an anti-posession tattoo, but we don't know. All we know is what we were shown, which is Sam had a son named Dean and he played catch with him, helped him with his homework, told him something about the supernatural (hence the tattoo) and that's it. We get nothing else.

8. Sam spends the rest of his life with a blurry, unimportant wife (see family photos in which she's featured in absolutely none of them), and mourning the death of the brother, one of his close friends, and his son.

Now people can argue that Sam wasn't a father figure to Jack (or more like an uncle), but he definitely was. Cas, Dean, and Sam were all parental figures to Jack, that's the story. That aside, Sam had this air of sadness around him because we weren't given much else with Kansas' Carry On Wayward Son playing, so we don't know if he ever truly healed even a little. It honestly looks like he didn't. Like, at all.

9. Cas is apparently alive, but he didn't go meet the brothers or meet Dean in Heaven which is OOC as fuck

We're all assuming that the time skip in between ep 19 and 20 is a week, right? Because they stay pretty even with the flow so it's not so confusing. And it was about two weeks since Cas died in 18th episode and a week since Jack became the new god. Dean got there and it was already all reconstructed, so it must not have taken that long, so why didn't Cas, who considered the brothers his family, not go see them back on Earth? Maybe there were terms and he had to stay with Jack to mentor him or something but we don't know. They give us absolutely nothing to go on. And even if he couldn't leave Heaven or something, he must've known that Dean was there, so why didn't he meet him in there. He could have but we don't know. They just said fuck it all and ended the episode before we really got any damn answers.

10. Why did two different versions of Carry On Wayward Son play back to back?

It didn't seem to really go with the flow of anything and it was honestly kinda weird. Seriously. I get that the original was a peppier and that when we see Dean driving and Sam growing older. And it switches to the slower version as Sam is on his premature deathbed and then it stops when the brothers reunite. It was just... odd. All I could focus on was that during the ending.

11. Bobby must've sat there for like 5 seconds if Dean just drove down the road and Sam was already dead.

This one is also not a big deal but I thought it just didn't make sense. Time goes differently. And it wasn't even that long that Dean was in Heaven and Sam was already there. So, like, Bobby must've just gotten a beer and sat down when Dean turned up and he was like "shit, boy. Don't you know how to quit dyin'?!" because, honestly, I would have.

This are all of my big reasons right off the bat. There are more deeper reasons, but this is it for now. I really hope any of this made sense. But, like I said before I started this list, if you liked it, cool! I'm not in the business of telling people how they should feel about certain things. I just wanted to share some reasons why I didn't like it.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Hot Chocolate (and Goddamn Marshmallows)

Dean x Reader

Word Count: ~2530

Warnings: It’s SO FLUFFY. Straight up marshmallow fluff. Just a dash of angst for seasoning. Um. No warnings that I can think of. 

A/N: Thanks to @fangirlxwritesx67​ for checkin it over. For @katymacsupernatural​ and her 6K Golden challenge! Congrats Katy! 

“I fuckin’ can’t, man, I barely made it here to begin with, Baby was slippin’ all over the place,” Dean grumbles. He holds the phone awkwardly between his shoulder and his ear so that he can pour another glass of whiskey. He only has half a bottle; if he can’t get out tomorrow, he’s fucked.

Even aside from the alcohol situation, tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. He’s supposed to be at Jody’s, drinking eggnog and doing all the Hallmark bullshit with his family, but if the snow doesn’t stop early… well, fuck that, he’ll find a way. He’s gotta make it back for Christmas. 

“The cabin’s still stocked from the last time we were there, right?” Sam asks. 

“Yeah, I won’t starve to death, at least,” Dean says, trying to keep his voice light. It’s the truth, although the cabinets basically contain black beans, a couple packs of ramen, and some skunked beer. Dean won’t starve, but this is just not how he wanted to spend his night. This Christmas was supposed to be different. 

“Still not gonna tell me what was so important up there?” Sam says. 

“Nope.” 

It’s his own fault, really. Sam told him about the Christmas plan a month ago. It had taken Dean a while to figure out where Mom’s stuff had been stored without Sammy realizing what he was up to, and then their last hunt took longer than they’d expected… it was just one thing after another, and he’d been in such a rush to get up here he hadn’t checked the weather forecast. Typical. 

“Fuck,” Sam sighs. “It’s supposed to let up tomorrow, we’ll mount a rescue mission, okay? Donna’s got four wheel drive, I think.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean says gruffly, and he clears his throat, trying to sound cheerful. How many Christmases has he spent, now, telling Sam not to worry? It’s a Winchester family tradition. “I’ll figure something out. Give everybody hugs for me. Tell Jody she better save me some of that pork roast.” 

“Love you,” Sam says quietly. 

Dean kinda likes the big goddamn marshmallow who’s replaced his brother lately. Amazing what Eileen and a general lack of apocalypses have done for the kid’s temperament. 

“Love ya, Sammy. See you tomorrow, one way or another. Hey, don’t do it without me, okay?” 

Sam laughs at him. “Obviously. Bye, Dean.” 

Dean hangs up and looks down at the little box on the table. As much as this situation fuckin’ blows, Sam’s reaction is gonna be priceless. 

He opens the box again, peeking for the zillionth time before he slips it into his pocket. It’s still surreal to think about that ring on someone else’s hand. Mom stopped wearing it at some point after she came back, and Sam probably assumes it’s long gone. 

He’d said something about how Eileen’s practical, they talked about it, she doesn’t want him to go out and blow a bunch of money on jewelry, they can pick out the actual bands together when it’s time… but Dean’s pretty fuckin’ excited to see the expression on his face. And hers, of course. Practical as she may be, Eileen’s a goddamn marshmallow too. 

Dean’s happy for Sam, he really is. Sometimes he just feels a little lonely, watching the two of them; must be nice, having someone look at you like that. They just kinda fit. They finish each other’s fuckin’ sentences, sometimes, or sign the same things at the same time, moving in perfect unison, and Sam just smiles so much more than he used to. Dean looks at the way they are together and thinks it looks comfortable, like a warm fuzzy fuckin’ blanket, and he’s only just starting to realize that sometimes… sometimes he gets really cold, is all. Sometimes he could use a little more warm fuzzy in his life. 

Like, hey, now, for example. He shivers and drains the last of his glass, pours himself a fresh one, and then he shakes off the melancholy and goes to get a fire started. 

There’s no cable, or anything, but they hooked up an old DVD player to an even older TV a couple years back. Dean finds a stack of dusty DVD cases and shuffles through them, rolling his eyes at the selection. Love Actually? How the fuck did that end up here? 

Or… huh. Now he thinks about it, there’s a chance he might have bought it at the dollar store, one time, while feeling mildly tipsy and severely sentimental. He also has a vague recollection of he and Sam both getting a little bit teared up while watching it. Just a little. 

Dean looks down at his drink and sighs. It’s gonna be a maudlin drunk kinda night. Might as well just put on a chick flick, while he’s at it. He tops up his glass, puts in the disc, throws another log on the fire, and settles onto the massive, squashy couch. 

Fuck his fuckin’ luck, seriously. There’s just this cold, dull ache in his chest that won’t seem to go away, and even though he keeps trying to tell himself that it might end up okay, the snow might stop in time, he can’t seem to shake it. Baby’s not at her best in the snow, what are the odds? He can’t ask Sam to drive however many fuckin’ hours to come pick him up, he won’t ask, and he just wishes a single damn thing would go right, for a change. 

He knuckles at his eyes and pours another drink, but no matter how much whiskey he puts away, he can’t seem to warm up. 

***

About an hour in, as he’s eyeing the whiskey bottle and deciding whether he should just go ahead and polish the thing off, there’s a knock on the door.  

“The fuck,” Dean mutters. He’s stumbling awkwardly to his feet, reaching for the gun he’d put on the coffee table, when the door slams open, letting in a gust of freezing-cold air and a flurry of snowflakes. There’s a figure in the doorway: massive coat, bundled up, and they’re carrying two big paper bags, and Dean blinks stupidly for a second, gun still cocked. 

Is that -

“Holy shit,” he blurts out. He sets the gun down and rushes to help her, but she’s already kicking the door closed behind her, setting the groceries down, and by the time he gets over there she’s unwinding the scarf from around her face so that he can see her eyes, sparkling and happy, her flushed cheeks, her bright smile. 

“Good to see you, Dean,” she says, still breathless from the cold. He wraps her in a bear hug, stunned and speechless. 

“Holy shit,” he says again, eventually, as she pulls away to get her gigantic puffy coat off. There are snowflakes caught in her hair and she’s beaming at him, and she laughs at his look of disbelief; she’s got the cutest fuckin’ laugh, Christ. 

“Little birdy told me you might need some company,” she says. She’s giving him this impish smile and he wants to say something clever, but all he can do is wipe a hand down his face and shake his head. 

“Shit, how’d you even get up here? Roads were bad when I got in.” 

“Maybe for your little Baby,” she grins, shrugging off the big coat and stomping snow off her boots. “But it wasn’t a big deal for the truck. The plows will be out tonight, we can hit the road as soon as the sun’s up. I’d say let’s go now but I hate driving in the dark when it’s snowing. it’s like making the jump to hyperspace, y’know?” 

Dean blinks slowly at her. “Wait, seriously?” 

“You know, when the snow comes at the windshield and it looks- ”

“No, I mean, we’ll be able to get out? You’re really… you don’t have to drive me all that way, shit.” 

“I mean, unless you’re set on sticking around? Got big plans?” She glances pointedly over his shoulder to where Love Actually is still playing, and Dean makes a face, but he’s so relieved he’s getting a little bit choked up. 

“Options were limited.” 

“Hey, you’re in luck. I came prepared.” She grabs her big puffy coat and rummages in pockets until she pulls out a DVD case. Dean’s mouth drops open. 

“Die Hard? You’ve gotta be kidding me. You’re my favorite.” 

She rolls her eyes and shrugs it off, but she’s bouncing on the balls of her feet a little, like she’s pleased with herself. “Here, help me with these?”

She picks up the grocery bag and brings it to the kitchen, and Dean trails after her with the second, which (judging by the clinking when he sets it on the counter) is mostly booze. She pulls out a pie, first, one of the supermarket ones in its plastic box. His stomach does a happy little flip-flop, and he has to hug her again. He wraps his arms around her from behind and squeezes hard. Her hair smells the same as he remembers. 

“Did you turn into a marshmallow when I wasn’t around?” she teases, and Dean blushes. 

“Guess it runs in the family,” he says quietly, laughing, and he steps away. 

“Huh? 

“Never mind. I might’ve had a couple drinks. Gettin’ sappy.” He leans against the counter next to her as she starts to unpack more food. “Last I saw you, you were in New York. Are you back in this neck of the woods? You shoulda called!” 

“Just came back recently. I guess Jody heard through the grapevine, she’s the one who called me. My dad died,” she says matter-of-factly. “Been staying at his place trying to get everything sorted out.” 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” 

She shoots him a little sideways half-smile and pulls out a carton of eggnog, a bottle of Jack, and a bottle of peppermint schnapps. “Thanks. I don’t mind being back, mostly, but I’m glad she called. The holidays have kinda been a bummer this year.” 

“I know how that goes,” Dean says wryly. 

“Yeah. Nice to have something to do. When Jody found out I was gonna be alone she about had a cow, so I guess I’m having Christmas with you guys now. Anyway, I can never say no to rescuing a damsel in distress.” 

She winks, and Dean’s so goddamn charmed right now it takes a second to realize she just called him a damsel. 

“Hey,” he protests. He tries to look affronted, but she’s giggling, so it’s probably not working. 

“Should we start with the ‘nog? Or peppermint hot chocolate?” she muses. 

“Dealer’s choice.” 

“Hot chocolate it is. Boil some water?” 

Dean grabs the old kettle while she peers at mugs, trying to find a couple that aren’t too dusty. He sneaks a glance at her out of the corner of his eye; she’s pretty, Christ, and she’s all pink-cheeked from the cold, biting her lip absentmindedly, and… yeah. Dean maybe can’t stop staring. 

She catches him looking, but she just smiles back, shy and sweet, and starts pouring hot cocoa mix into two passably clean mugs. 

“You never told me what you’re doing up here,” she remarks. “Secret Christmas mission, Jody said?” 

Dean fumbles for the ring box and shows her. “Had to get something out of storage.” 

Her eyes go wide and shocked, and her mouth opens and closes silently for a second. 

“Oh,” she says, voice strained, looking down at her hands. “I didn’t realize you were…” 

“No, not for me!” he says hastily. “God, no. Not for me. For Sam.” 

“Oh!” she says, high-pitched. She laughs and fidgets nervously with the sleeve of her sweater. “Oh, okay.”  

Dean doesn’t think he’s imagining the look of relief on her face, and something in his chest goes all fluttery. 

“I am very single,” he says, and he can’t quite manage to keep his tone casual. “Just… to make it clear.” 

She nods, trying to hold back a smile, like she’s laughing at him but also maybe (hopefully) like she’s charmed at the same time. 

“Good,” she says softly. 

***

Dean doesn’t remember falling asleep. When he wakes up, sometime in the middle of the night, it takes him a moment to remember where he is. 

He feels sorta dazed, like maybe he’s still tipsy. That’s normal enough. What’s not normal is the person next to him; they’re curled around each other, fully clothed, and she’s tucked under his arm with her hand resting on his chest. They must’ve dozed off during the movie. Dean smiles to himself. 

The fire’s mostly embers at this point, and he should get up, put a log on, before it dies completely. Maybe he should just go to his room, too; find her a blanket and then give her some space. That’d be the gentlemanly thing to do. 

He takes a second to breathe, first. There’s something so perfect about the moment. He wants to memorize the way she feels, curled against his side, the way they fit together, the way her hair smells, the way her breath tickles his neck when she exhales. He feels boneless and heavy-limbed, like he could melt into the couch cushions, but there’s this tightness in his chest, the knowledge that he should enjoy this while he can, because it won’t last. It never does. 

He’s careful when he gets up, trying to slip away without disturbing her, and he’s quiet as he stokes the fire. When it’s blazing again, he grabs a big quilt from the back of a chair and covers her up, tucking her in gently. He turns to head to bed. 

“Hey, wait,” she murmurs sleepily. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“Where’re you going?” she asks. When he looks back, the fire is illuminating the adorable grumpy pout on her face, and she’s all sleepy-eyed and pillow-creased and fucking gorgeous. 

Dean shrugs. 

“Come back?” she asks. 

He slides under the quilt, and she snuggles close. When she tilts her face up to look him in the eye, her skin glows orange-gold in the firelight. She leans in slow, pausing just before their lips meet, and when they kiss Dean feels it through his entire body, liquid heat curling out to his toes. Her mouth is soft, and she makes this sweet, happy sound when he sucks on her lower lip; it makes his head spin, and he cups her cheek in one hand, feels her velvety skin under his fingers. 

Her lashes flutter when she pulls back, her eyes still half-closed. 

“Go to sleep, Dean,” she whispers. “We’ve got a long drive in the morning.” 

She fits herself against his side, nuzzling into his neck, sighing contentedly, and he strokes her hair until her breathing evens out again. 

He likes the way she fits in his arms, and he likes the sweet smell of her hair all mixed in with the woodsmoke. He likes the weight of her on his chest and the heat of her body against his, the way she’s wrapped around him, the way she’s half draped over him like a living blanket. 

Warm and fuzzy, he thinks, and he’s smiling as he falls asleep.

.

.

.

If you enjoyed this, please reblog, rec, or leave a message HERE!

Tag team: @thinkwritexpress-official​ @mandilion76​ @winchesterprincessbride​ @carryonmyswansong​ @ultimatecin73​  @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @ridingmoxley​ @impala-dreamer​ @mogaruke​ @geekgirl1213​ @babypieandwhiskey​ @because-imma-lady-assface​ @masksandtruths​  @hannahindie​ @speakinvain​ @emoryhemsworth​ @wheresthekillswitch​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​ @feed-me-fanfics​ @amanda-teaches​ @closetspngirl​ @pastrychef--3​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @calaofnoldor​ @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms​ @maddiepants​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @leatherandfrackles​ @akshi8278​ @illtakeawinchesteranyday​ @sylverminx​ @seaavery​ @sleepless-sin​ @woodworthti666​ @ria132love​  @chicagolove88​ @wayward-and-worn​ @shamelesslydean​ @kathaswings​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @void-m-stilinski​ @papermango​ @sandlee44​ @flamencodiva​ @naiomiwinchester​ @theoneandonlymelol​ @the-chocolate-moose​

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Baker of All the Cookies in the Universe

Summary/Spoilers: Dean and Cas cry in their kitchen because they love their son too much, and Dean would like to be called Deanathon.

***

“I love you.” 

Cas feels warm, familiar hands turning him around, and then Dean wraps them around his waist, pulling him closer with twinkling eyes. His entire face is lit up with a bright smile, and it’s doing wonderful things to Cas’s insides.

“You’re back soon,” Cas says, mirroring the smile, and slinging his own arms around Dean. He likes indulging Dean’s good spirits whenever he can, and Dean makes it easy anyways. His husband is not prone to a grumpy disposition, but he’s rarely hug-his-husband-hello-in-the-middle-of-the-day happy. 

Kissing’s different, though.

“I had to be,” Dean answers, the smile seeming to seep into his voice. “Once I’d dropped the little munchkin off at Jody’s, I drove straight home. I had to tell you about this.”

If his voice weren't so joyful, Cas would've worried.

But he just raises his eyebrows, and Dean lets go of him, only to start prancing around the room as he speaks.

“Baking, Cas. That’s all I was up to!” He absentmindedly puts a knife out on the counter back in it’s stand, as he passes the slab where Cas had been making lunch. Babyproofing has become a muscle response. “And it’s not even like I planned it out! I wouldn’t have Jack’s first cookie-bake without you.”

Cas agrees, Dean wouldn’t, and nods. Dean’s been incredibly thoughtful about these things. Jack’s firsts, each one of them.

Cas loves that about him, more than he can express.

“I swear, all I did was think of baking a batch of chocolate chip for him to take to his playdate. Gentlemanly, and sweet. You’ve gotta get these values in at a young age, you know,” Dean rambles on, happily wandering off topic, until Cas urges him to proceed with the story, with an insistent tilt of his head. 

Because as much as Cas’d like to hear Dean go off on the importance of chivalry being instilled in their son at the age of four, on any given day, he wants to hear what happened next, with his two favorite people in the whole world.

“I didn’t even know he was looking at me the entire time, Cas!” Dean excitedly declares, stopping right in front of his husband. “I thought he was playing with his word blocks, you know, those large unswallowable ones Sammy got him for Christmas! But guess not.” Dean beams, looking proud of himself. “Kid was more interested in watching me bake!”

“Did he help you?” Cas contributes, dimpling. Dean’s enthusiasm has always been contagious. Something about the eyes.

“No,” Dean waves his hand, dismissively. “I was already done, when I realized. Was taking out a tray, when he suddenly pipes up like, ‘Dean, are those cookies?’” Here, Dean slips into his best impression of Jack’s childish, high-pitched treble. “And I go, yeah buddy, you want one, and he goes, ‘but wasn't it all just white stuff in bowls before’, and I swear, Cas, he sounds so wonderstruck, like it’s magic, and I just -” Dean makes a giddy sound. Cas waits for him to at least finish the sentence, but all Dean manages is a sigh. “He’s perfect,” he ends up moving closer to Cas again. 

This time, Cas does the hugging, tugging him close. “Oh, Dean.”

“And that’s not even the best part!” Dean gushes, and that’s the only word that can describe it.

His eyes still twinkle, and Cas wonders if they’re shining with happy tears. For the millionth time, Cas thinks about how incredibly lucky he is. He loves Dean so much - this breathtaking, kind man who can keep his calm through the worst things in life, lose so much and not break down, but also have tears in his eyes from a moment shared with his son. Cas is so, so grateful to have him in his life.

Dean goes on, unaware of how he’s making Cas’s heart sing with just his perfectly euphoric smile. “And when I tell him that that’s just how baking tends to go, he just goes, eyes all wide and baby blue like yours,” He does his Jack-voice again, softer. “‘Dean, do other people know about this?’ And I’m just like - I just - fuck, Cas, I love him so much.”

For the second time, Cas is robbed of the rest of the sentence, as Dean cuts himself off to bury his face in Cas’s shirt. Cas, in turn, gently puts his chin on Dean’s head, morphing it into a hug again. As Cas starts to fondly card his fingers through Dean’s hair, blond in the light of the kitchen, he keeps speaking.

“I don't know exactly why, but it just got to me, Cas. It hit home.” He mumbles, refreshingly confessive. “Maybe it was how he genuinely thought I was the only person who could bake, ever, or - you know what, I know he’s had cookies before, so just the fact that he had no idea how they’re made! He’s just - he’s so little, Cas, he’s so young, and he didn't even hesitate to think that I baked all the cookies in the entire world, and he’s just going to grow up to be so wonderful, Cas,” Dean’s voice seriously begins to quiver. Cas squeezes, tighter. “And we get to see it happen, Cas, and we get to make it happen. We’re going to raise him! We get to raise a kid, and we -”

He suddenly goes completely silent, and then there’s a mortified muffled choking sound, and Cas is almost entirely sure Dean’s trying to hold back a sob in his throat, and it’s just such an emotional moment, that all Cas can do is squeeze his own eyes shut and hug Dean close. If anyone ever did, he knows what Dean’s feeling.

“I had no idea before, did you,” Dean starts, with new resolve. His voice is a little garbled, because his words are uttered right into Cas’s sweater. “Mostly I was just excited for you, Cas. And of course, it'd be nice to have a little kid, someone who’ll call me dad. But I never realized all the other moments I was going to get, and all the other times he was going to make me happy - happy enough to cry, goddammit -” And his voice trails off again, swearing under his breath till he’s only just shaking in Cas’s arms, the overpowering emotion of crying subsiding, and Cas thinks he can hear Dean wiping his face with Cas’s sweater a moment later, but it’s okay.

Everything’s okay. 

In fact, he’d even go as far as to say that everything’s perfect. 

“Thank you for making me realize how much I wanted this, Cas,” Dean says, in a relatively mellow tone now, having shed off the high with the tears. But he still sounds blissed out, and peaceful, and it’s heavenly to hear. “Thank you for suggesting we adopt. And to be completely honest, I won’t ever thank you for convincing me to do it, 'cause I may be a dumbass in general, but it hasn't gotten to the point where you’d have to convince me into being the happiest man on the planet.”

“Dean,” Cas breathes out, pressing a kiss on his forehead as Dean pulls away, and straightens.

“But thank you for reminding me of what I’ve always, always wanted,” Dean repeats, staring into Cas’s eyes with such unbridled love, that Cas feels himself start to blush. “And thank you for getting it for us.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Cas returns, earnestly. “The two of you are the best things that ever happened to me, Dean. And I’m very thankful to the Universe too, and to you.” He has to pause, starting to feel his throat clog up as well, and Dean seems to sense this and puts a hand on Cas’s arm to comfort him, but it ends up wrecking him weaker because Dean cares so much, and just like that, a tear slips from his eye and Dean’s eyes are glittering again.

Crap, they’re so goddamn soft. They’re tearing up in the kitchen of their house in th suburbs, about cookies and children.

It doesn’t get any more domestic than this. 

“And I’ve got to say,” Cas adds, after a beat, when they’re both more composed. “I’m sorry for you, that Jack doesn’t call you dad, if that was the primary driving force in the first place.” Dean tries to deny it, but Cas keeps going, half kidding. “On my part, I’m perfectly content with him calling us by our first names, but we could try to get him to call us dad if you’d like -”

“I don't need him to.” Dean laughs out, breathlessly happy. “He can call me Dean, or he can call me Dad, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. We don't have to get him to do anything about that, Cas. I love things the way they are.”

“If you’re sure,” Cas grins.

“Plus, if I got promoted to Dad, and you were Cas, it would totally seem like you were Jack's gorgeous single parent's boyfriend, and -”

“Excuse me,” Cas interrupts. “I don't think you get it. If you become Dad, I’m totally becoming Daddy.” He pauses. “Or wait, let’s consider this. What are your thoughts on being married to Jack’s Papa, Dean?”

“Hard pass.” Dean throws back, and Cas rolls his eyes. 

“In any case,” He adds, shrugging, and still grinning. The heavy moment is all but gone, but the happy stays. “The only reason he doesn’t call either of us Dad, is only because our names are too easy. Dean, Cas, and Dad have equal number of syllables.” He crosses his hands on his chest. “So, I’m choosing to blame you and your obsession with shortening my name for the situation we’re in.”

Dean hums, pretending to be thoughtful. “Well, if that’s the case, I’m okay with calling you Castiel if you call me Deanert. Or better, Deanolas.”

Cas bursts out laughing at the latter, and pulls Dean back in, this time for a kiss.

“Don't like it? Fine, guess you get the right to veto.” Dean chuckles, right before Cas closes the gap. “What about Deanathon?” 

And then Cas does the equivalent of shutting him up with a kiss, cupping his face and closing his eyes till the residue of Dean’s laughter has dissolved into a grin so wide it splits his face, and Cas gets to taste his happiness - and he gets to wake up next to him, and be married to him, and raise Jack with him, and he doesn’t need anything else to be happy.

So, Cas finally replies to the statement Dean had begun with, in the first place, just shifting the emphasis.

"I love you."

*

They move things out of the kitchen eventually, and end up making out on the living room sofa until Jody and Claire come to drop Jack back home.

The first thing Cas says to his son, when he enters, is that his Papa can bake too.

[leahxx129]

The Last Descendant (Sam Winchester x Reader) pt.5/Final Chapter

Disclaimer: Tumblr is being weird again so if you’re using the app, the ‘Keep Reading’ cut off line may not be visible inspite of the fact that I always insert one.

Hi everyone! I originally planned on posting this on Friday but your girl is a busy bee and had some personal stuff to take care of. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the final part to this story, I had lots of fun writing it.

Summary to pt.5: You’ve managed to win a battle against Michael in the woods, but the war is not over just yet. He’s powerful - more than anyone you’ve ever encountered - but you also have some aces up your sleeve.  

Warnings: slight cursing, character death

Word count: 2.140-ish

PART 1.  PART 2.  PART 3.  PART 4.

As the angels have disappeared, the force holding you flat against the trees dissipates, causing you all to fall to your knees. The first thing you realize when you get up is that there’s only three of you left – Kaia’s taken off without prior notice. Your blood runs cold for a minute but then you find the spear in the tall grass where you threw it. Sam makes sure everyone is well enough to travel and following Jody’s suggestion, you drive to her place.

It’s already dark when you pull up in her driveway. Neither you nor Sam have said a single word throughout the ride and as the engine dies, you feel an urge to change this.

“Sam...” you put a hand on his thigh “I’m gonna do everything I can in order to replicate the spear and we’ll get him back, okay? I promise.”

He puts his large one over yours and squeezes it.

“I know, Y/N. Now, let’s get inside and take a look at your wound.”

The interior of Jody’s house reminds you of your childhood home, and a sense of nostalgia washes over you, mixed with hope that one day even you can have something like this. Maybe with Sam. Who knows?

“Alright, the guest room is ready.” Jody informs you, pulling you out of your thoughts. “A bathroom opens directly from it, clean towels can be found in the cabinet. And if you’re hungry there’s food in the fridge, knock yourself out.”

“Thanks, Jody.”

“As for you, Sam, I’m sorry, but I don’t have any more guest rooms, so you’re stuck with the couch.” she pouts.

“It’s okay, uhm, we’re kind of used to sleeping together.” Sam flashes an awkward smile.

Jody appears startled for a second but soon regaines composure.

“In that case, excuse me for a second. I need to prepare another set of pillows in the guest room.”

When everything’s all set you decide to scrub off the combination of dirt, blood and sweat that’s defiling your body. Usually you shower with an almost boiling hot water, but this time you must settle for medium temperature as the scars and bruises don’t really appreciate the heat. You nearly punch Sam in the face when he pulls the floral shower curtain open, but realizing it’s him, you’re able to stop yourself in time.

“God, Sam, do not do that again! I ain’t the screaming kind of scared, I’m the might-break-your-nose kind of scared.”

“Noted!” he smiles, stepping into the bathtub.

You don’t question what he’s doing in there with you. Maybe for the first time ever in your life, you let someone else take control of a situation, and to much of your surprise, you discover it’s not that bad. He gently cleanses every inch of your body, with special attention to the scars.

“You know, I really think your shoulder could use a couple of stitches.” he whispers. You can hear a little worry in his tone.

“Nah, I’ve had worse I didn’t patch up and I’m still around.” you reply, swiping aside a wet strand of hair that was sticking to his forehead and you kiss him softly.

When you’re all finished, you dress up in the clothes Jody left you on the foot of the bed and pick up the spear from the corner of the room.

“Whoah, what are you doing?” Sam asks incredulously.

“Well, what does it look like I’m doing?” he opens his mouth to speak but you continue “You know what, don’t answer that. I’m gonna go to the garage and try to replicate this.”

“No, you’re not. Look, sweetheart, let’s be sensible here. You haven’t slept in a long time and I can assure you that the world’s not gonna end in those few hours when you do. I talked to Cas and he was able to track down Michael in Missouri. If anything happens, we’ll know firsthand. You need to be strong both mentally and phyisically to do what you’re about to… you know I’m right, so don’t fight it!” he delivers a lecture while taking the weapon out of your hand.

You pull a face but give in to his reasoning anyway. This time you manage to get three full hours of sleep before the nightmares start tainting your subconscious. Terrifying images you haven’t seen in a long time flood your mind, and you successfully wake the whole house up with your screams. You can hear Sam’s soothing vocie and Jody’s nervous inquiries about your well-being before you fully come around.

“I’m…I’m alright. I’m fine, really.” you stutter unconvincingly while running a hand through your hair. “Uhm, Jody?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you please show me your garage? I’ll collect the tools from Sam’s car and get right down to work.”

The weapon contains an ancient magic you’ve never encountered before, or even anything similar to it. The runes carved into the shaft belong to a language uknown to you, making your job all the more difficult.  Nevertheless, you try your best, as always. First, you recreate the shape of the spear and its head, then join the two together. Replicating the runes requires the most time – you only realize just how much when the first lights of morning illuminate the garage and Sam brings you breakfast. You take a few bites of your toast and drink your coffee in one gulp.

“Okay, so here goes everything…” you mutter as you begin performing a spell, which should transfer some of the magic from the original weapon into the replica. The incantation you recite next supposedly enhances the transferred magic.

“It looks like the same to me.” Sam states when you show them your work.

“Yeah, and it also possesses that creepy vibe the original one does.” Jody nods in agreement.

“Good. Hopefully, it’ll work just as well, too. Let’s visit Missouri and kick some archangel ass, shall we?” you propose.

You must give it to Michael – he has exceptionally good taste. Both the exterior and interior of the building he chose as temporary residence radiates elegance. You meet up with Cas and a boy in the underground parking lot. You furrow your brows.

“Who’s the kid?” you glance between Sam and the angel, the latter moving infront of the boy as you speak.

“Uhm, his name is Jack. Also, he happens to be the son of satan.” Cas replies.

Out of reflex, you touch the side of your overknee boots looking for your knife but ease off almost immediately and extend an arm towards the boy. Cas eyes you with suspicion.

“Don’t worry, Castiel, I’m not gonna attcak him.”

He seems hesitant but eventually steps aside, allowing you to shake Jack’s hand.

“I’m Y/N. Y/N Colt.”

His eyes widen.

“Colt? Are you related to Samuel Colt?” your nod sends him over the edge “Oh, wow! This is soo cool! I’m Jack! You must have some awesome stories to tell! When this is over, could you tell me all of them?”

“I’d absolutely love to, Jack!” you smile at his child-like enthusiasm, doubting that a sweet kid like him could be related to the Devil himself.

“Alright, I think we should go over the plan one more time.” Sam changes the subject.

You talk everything over one last time - including the intel on the monsters Sam got from a friend named Garth - and enter the elevator that takes you to the top floor. You feel like the tension could be cut with a knife.

An empty, silent hall welcomes you as you exit.

“Michael is the only one I can sense.” Cas whispers.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.” you whisper back.

You all take feather light steps until you reach a double-winged door and Cas nods, confirming the archangel’s location. Sam kicks in the door in a blink of an eye. A well-dressed Michael is staring out the window, holding a glass of some probably expensive booze.

“Welcome!” he greets, turning to your direction. “Well, well, well… what do we have here? The Three Muskateers? If so, I have to admit, Y/N, you are the loveliest d’Artagnan I have ever laid my eyes upon.”

“Oh my God, just cut the crap or else I’m gonna vomit!” the words slip out before you could think them through.

As a result, Michael’s face hardens even more and he extends an arm in the height where your neck would be, casting an invisible force that pulls you straight into his grip.

Sam yells out your name in desperation.

“Oh, don’t worry, Samuel. I am not going to snap her pretty little neck. Although, my fingers may leave a bruise.” Michael exclaims innocently then averts his gaze back to you.

You find it hard not to try stripping his fingers from your neck with both hands, but there’s no other way. One hand is on his but with the other one you sign three behind your back – the catcher singal for a slider in baseball. Sam catches on, takes the spear out of Castiel’s trenchcoat and throws it to you. But before you could sink the tip in Michael’s body, he snatches the weapon and breaks it in half with one hand.

“Did you honestly believe it was going to be that easy to take me down?” he asks with utter disbelief. “The way you underestimate me is quite offensive.”

“Let her go, Michael.” Jack speaks up.

“I don’t think so, child. In fact, here’s what’s going to happen!” he looks right into your eyes “I am going to kill all of them – in which order, that’s your call – and then I will release my monster army on this city with you by my side. I think this vessel is handsome enough, you’ll grow used to him, darling.”

“Yeah, he may be handsome… but I kinda have a thing for his brother, asshole!”

Before he can react, you stab him in the chest with the knife from your boots. He looks down at the shaft smiling but it soon fades into an expression of sheer panic. He lets go of you and tries to pull the weapon out.

“Did you honestly believe we didn’t have a plan B? The way you underestimate us is quite offensive...” you retort.

“What’s happening?! I demand to know!” he bellows, confused.

“I upgraded my favorite blade a little. Now it has the magic of the spear from that other dimension, too. You like it?”

He screams out in agony while his whole body is lighting up with a blue-ish white blaze. You take a couple of steps back and bump into Sam, who envelopes you in a shielding embrace. Cas and Jack try to cover their eyes as the brightness has risen to an extent that’s almost blinding. Michael’s shrieking finally dies out with a huge energy explosion that busts out all the windows in the suite.

He is gone and the only thing he left behind is a very much so bleeding Dean Winchester on the floor.

Dean is slowly opening his eyes. The fluorescent neon lights, the white walls and the beeping of machines tip him off regarding his whereabouts – he’s in a hospital. He tries to rip the needle out of his arm, but Sam prevents him from doing so.

“Hey, no! Stop!”

“Sam? Wha- what happened? Where am I?”

“Uhm, long story short, Y/N killed Michael and injured you in the process, so you are in a private clinic in Missouri.”

“Private clinic? You know damn well we can’t afford that stuff!”

“You may not be able to, but I can.” you appear in the door with two cups of coffee, one of which you hand to Sam while sitting down on a chair next to him.

“Uhm, we appreciate the offer, really, but we can’t accept it.” Dean says in protest without a beat.

“Hey… I almost killed you, I believe this is the least I can do.”

There’s a stare-down between the brothers and Dean’s the one to break the connection first.

“Alright, thank you.” he mumbles eventually, then checks his bandage by looking down the inside of his hospital robe.

“Uhm, question. Based on the place of the wound, how am I not dead right now?”

“Well, I know how to stab someone without killing them... Which is probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever said to anyone, so let’s pretend it never left my mouth, please.”

Both men chuckle lightly, and you feel a little heat rise to your cheeks.

“Hot, feisty and funny? Sam, you better not mess this up or I’ll snatch her right out of your hands.” Dean comments jokingly and this time, it’s your turn to laugh and Sam’s to blush.

“Don’t worry about that, Dean…” he intertwines his fingers with yours “I won’t. I kinda have a thing for her…”

[squirrel-moose-winchester]

Falling for the Holidays Ch. 25

Title: Falling for the Holidays Ch. 25

Pairing: Dean x Reader AU

Word Count: 2223

Summary: With October ending and the holidays underway, that only meant one thing for Dean Winchester. It meant returning to his childhood home and spending time with his family. It meant listening to his parents, especially his mom, ramble on and on about when he was going to find himself a nice girl, bring her home for the holidays, and then eventually get married and have children.  However, Dean wasn’t ready for that sort of commitment, so in order to get his family off his back, he comes up with an elaborate scheme! But like the saying goes, “sometimes lies become truths.”

Warnings: Angst, Gun, Usage of Gun, Unsafe Gun Handling, Angst, Endangerment to a young child, Fear, Wounded, and Angst. 

A/N: Dudettes! Get this… once I finished this chapter, I giggled to myself and then proceeded to say, “ooh, Eileen! You fucking bitch!” But like in a good way. Haha. I am so excited for you guys to read this chapter! I will admit, it was a little tough because I didn’t know how to word it, and I’m worried that it might be a little confusing to comprehend what I was trying to get across… but I hope I’m wrong and that you guys will like it! I can’t wait to read all your reactions! So please, feedback would be amazing! I’d love to know what you all thought of this chapter and the series! Thanks again for reading! You guys are beautiful! xx

--

On his way to the Winchester’s home, Rufus had called in a crime scene back at the diner. Things had just dropped into some deep shit. As he pulled into the drive way, John was already opening the door and stepping out to greet him.

“Rufus, what’s wrong?” John asked, allowing the sheriff into his home.

“Things just got serious, and I know you wanted to keep this on the down low, but I had to call my men to take care of things back at the diner,” he informed, taking a seat at the dining table where Mary and Jess were already waiting. “Mary’s car is still there, and I might have, literally, stumbled over some important evidence.”

“What kind of evidence?” John asked, his stomach churning.

“I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think I found a possible weapon. There was blood on a large rock next to the car, and I’m sure your boys probably found it too. We don’t know who’s blood it is yet, but my men are on it,” Rufus assured.

Mary’s hands covered her mouth with fear in her eyes. Jess wrapped her arms around Mary tightly, burying her face into the older woman’s shoulder. “How long would it take until we find out who’s blood it is?” Mary asked.

“We’re working as fast as we can. I’d say four hours at the least, could be more. But our forensic team is one of the best, so rest assured. We’re gonna figure it out.”

Mary nodded while John just gave Rufus an understanding glare. “So what do we do now?” John asked.

“We need to find your boys ASAP. Ketch… he’s a real bad guy. I knew the name was familiar. To be honest, I’m surprised the boy wasn’t walking around with an alias. Probably thought since it’s been a long time, no one would notice. Especially around here.”

“What are you talking about, Rufus. Details. I need details,” John encouraged.

“I was getting there. Just hold your horses,” he sassed, earning a pointed look from the worried father bear in front of him. “Look, his full name is Arthur Ketch. He is in a line of work that can get many people hurt. He’s what you can call a collector,” Rufus placed the witness sketch on the table, revealing a pretty honest drawing of the felon. He looked a little different. His face was slimmer, hair a little longer and shaggier, but it was still easy to tell it was him.

“He collects things and sells them in the International Underground Black Market. Sometimes they get clients who reach out to them to obtain a certain object, or objects, in exchange for a hefty sum. People like him will do anything to get what they want. And I mean anything. We caught scent of him a few years back. Almost got him, but the kid was fast. Young, scrawny, and could get through all sorts of spaces. Eventually, the case was out of our hands because the Bureau figured he’d moved on. One thing is for sure, men like Ketch never stay in one place for too long. I don’t know what he would be doing back here.”

“Because he’s a stalker. Probably followed Y/N here, using that family bullshit as an excuse,” the words flowed out of Jess’s lips without a care of filter.

“Stalkers aren’t right in the head. And not only that, this man is a practically a serial killer. He’s left body all over the world. Didn’t even bother to clean up his messes, and he didn’t have to. No one could ever trace him.”

“It’s almost Christmas and all this is happening,” Mary started to sob. “My boys are in danger and Y/N could be dead.”

“How did you get this drawing of him?” John interceded the direction of the conversation.

“Remember Pastor Jim? That break in at the church? Ketch was after an old goblet that was claimed to be used for demonic rituals. An ancient relic used to communicate with the devil. Pastor Jim had it locked away in a safe under the church. Ketch managed to steal it and left Jim for dead, but thankfully the medics got to him on time.”

“But didn’t Pastor Jim pass away?” Mary questioned.

“That he did, but before that, he was able to give a description.”

“Why didn’t we hear anything about this?” John inquired.

“This case was classified by the FBI. They have been tracking these Collectors all over the world, but it’s difficult. You see, there is no pattern. There is never a witness. And if there was, someone came back to get rid of any loose ends, just like they did Jim. These Collectors, they’ve got friends in low and high places. It almost seems impossible,” Rufus sighed. “I don’t know how the FBI is dealing with it, but all I know is that they are.”

John sat back in his seat, running his hands down his face, trying to absorb all the information he’s been given. How could something go from zero to a hundred so fast?

“If this man is as dangerous as you say, and he’s stalking Y/N, then my boys are in danger. They all are. They all could already be dead,” Mary cried.

The room was tense at Mary’s words. It was possible. It very well may be, but they needed to be hopeful. They needed to think positive. They needed to find them.

“Don’t be like that Mary. We don’t know nothin’ yet. We need to find your boys first. Jody said that when Y/N went to get her purse at the diner, Lisa and Ketch were having lunch. That they seemed to know each other. So I’m gonna go pay Lisa a little visit. It’s possible that Lisa is also in danger.”

“Or maybe Lisa’s in with that Ketch guy,” Jess hissed, Lisa and Ketch’s name leaving a bad taste in her mouth.

“None sense. Lisa maybe crazy, but she’s still a good girl. She wouldn’t do something like that. She wouldn’t put Dean, or any of my boys in trouble. She wouldn’t bring such a dangerous man near Ben.”

“We’re gonna find out,” Rufus added.

“And I’m coming with you,” John insisted.

“I’m sorry John, but I can’t let you do that. This is a job for the police. Besides, you’ve got two frightened women here at home that needs you. Also, I need you here in case Sam, Dean, or Y/N comes back. Give me a call if they do, alright?” Rufus stood up from his seat as John nodded in agreement. “Don’t worry, everything is going to be alright.”

The sound of tires screeching against the pavement drew Ketch, Lisa, and Bela’s attention. Thinking quick on his feet, Ketch put his hands behind his head and fell to his knees beside your unconscious body. Lisa and Bela gave him with a confused look, the gun still pointed at him.

The door burst open, splinters flying through the air from the force of Dean’s foot. When Sam and Dean came into view, Lisa and Bela went wide eyes, while Ketch’s stoic expression turned into that of fear. “What the hell is going on here?” Dean barked, taking in the sight before him.

“H-help me, please!” Ketch shouted, his voice shaking with terror.

“Bela drop the gun,” Sam said calmly, arms out to show that he wasn’t going to try anything.

“No. This guy is a psychopath!” The tall brunette spat.

Dean’s eyes landed on your motionless body on the couch, next to where Ketch was on his knees. “Y/N!” Dean yelped, rushing over to her. “What the happened to her?” Dean shot Ketch a deadly glare, sitting beside her at the edge of the couch.

“I’ll tell you anything you want. I’m innocent, I swear,” Ketch blurted. “It’s true. You’re not Ben’s father. I am,” Ketch revealed, Lisa’s eyes going wide.

Dean sent Ketch a surprised look before quickly turning his head to glare at Lisa, his eyes hard and accusing. “Is that true? Ketch is the father?” Lisa was at a loss for words. She didn’t know what to say. When her lips parted to speak, Dean cute her off. “And this time, don’t you dare lie to me!”

“H-he’s lying,” Lisa continued her deceptions.

“I’m telling you the truth,” Ketch jumped in. “Years ago, I met the two of them at a party. We were all a little drunk, and they both came on to me. I was young back then. How was I supposed to pass up that kind of opportunity? Months later, Lisa contacted me, telling me about the baby.”

“Shut up Ketch!” Lisa barked.

Ketch caster her a wary glance, thinking if he should continue, but he took the chance anyway. “I couldn’t be a father, and I know that makes me a terrible man, but I had my dream job waiting for me back in London. I was young and had a bright future. A baby was the last thing on my mind. But I told her I’d pay the child support, and I have been since, but she wanted more. She wanted Ben to have a father. A good father that would be there for him. So she came up with this elaborate scheme to make you believe that Ben was yours. She told me that if I helped her get back with you, I would no longer have to pay the child support and that she’d leave me alone forever. The only thing that was in the way was Y/N. And by coincidence, the last time I was in Lawrence, Y/N and I ended up on the same flight heading over to Dallas, and having the seats next to each other.”

“Lies! You’re a liar!” Lisa shouted, snatching the gun from Bela’s hand and pointing it back at Ketch. “Shut up.” If Lisa wanted anyone to believe her, she was doing a shit job. Every word she said, every move she made, all of it only made her look guilty.

“Lisa!” Bela was startled. Bela never had any intentions of hurting Ketch. She wasn’t about to get blood on her hands. But when Lisa took the gun from her, she knew how unstable Lisa was. How desperate she was.

“Whoa,” Sam raised his hands up out of instincts.

Ketch watched Lisa, and Dean could see the hesitation in his eyes. Dean didn’t want to believe it, but he felt like he could believe Ketch more than he could Lisa.

“Lisa, put the gun down,” Dean said calmly, despite his anger stirring inside of him.

“No,” she spat, pointing the gun at Ketch. She’s never held a gun before. One slip and she could shoot anyone… kill any one.

“Lisa…” Dean warned.

The room was silent before Ketch took a chance and spoke again. If worse came to worse, he could use Dean as a shield.

“Like I said…” Ketch started, “Y/N caught us talking about it and ran off. Lisa got impatient and panicked and chased after her. She hit her over the head with a rock. Y/N’s been out ever since. We brought her back here and I patched her up.”

“Why not call the police, or bring her to the hospital?” Sam asked.

“I thought she would be okay, that I could patch her up and she’d wake up soon, but when she did, I suggested we go to the hospital, but Lisa refused. And when I mentioned the police, they freaked out and pulled a gun out on me. And that’s when you and your brother showed up.”

“Liar!” Lisa shouted, her grip on the gun tightening.

“Mom! Look what I made!” Ben shouted, trampling down the stairs, interrupting the intensity of the current situation and startling his mother.

BANG! Her finger slipped.

Ben jumped, his scream piercing through the house! Lisa dropped the gun and it fired a second time. Everyone cowered at the sound. Sam noticed the gun and quickly grabbed it to ensure it didn’t get into the wrong hands. Bela was the first person to reach Ben, the young boy curling into her arms crying. Ketch closed in on himself a little, his hands still up where they could see it, but he was fine.

“Any one hurt?” Sam asked, scanning the room.

“Sammy?” Dean choked, a dark spot spreading in the middle of his gray shirt as blood dribbled down the side of his lips.

“Dean!” Sam shouted. “Someone call 9-1-1!”

Dean watched Sam approach him, sliding the gun in the back of his pants under his shirt. He could see Sam talking but all he could hear was a high pitched ringing sound. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. He saw Ben and Bela wrapped up in each other, he saw Lisa staring at him with wide eyes, and he could see Ketch getting up.

“S-Sam—” Dean gurgled.

“Dean! Dean! Hang in there! Please! Dean! Someone! Call 9-1-1! Ketch, please!” Sam begged, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Ketch got up, dialing 9-1-1 on his phone. As Ketch made the call, Sam leaned his brother against the couch on the floor. Dean turned his head to face you, still out cold.

“Y-Y/N…” he called, and then everything went dark.

--

Like it? Reblog it! Share it! Leave feedback! It’s my fuel and any writer’s fuel! Also, I would highly appreciate it! :)

Say Something Nice Here!

[seenalready13]

Broken bridges part 2

Here we go for part 2. I think this turned out pretty well, you guys can tell me what I could do to make this better, and thanks to Kannra for her suggestions in this chapter. 

During my time here at U.A., I somehow became everyone, go-to training instructor, at first it was Sofia, she wanted to be able to utilize my quirk to the fullest, so I let her in during my training sessions it was when I realized how hard I push myself, after the first set of fifty crunches, Sofia wanted to give up since I built up my stamina and durability when I was six, so I guess it’s become normal for me. I mean when we had our physical, I scored the top spot in almost every test except in the long jump and grip strength test. There was a pretty big margin between me and second place, Jodi. 

One day, Misao asked me to train with me. I'm still feeling bad about what I did so training is the most I can do. I ask to do a little sparring session with him, no quirks, just plain fisticuffs, so I can gauge him and figure out where he stands

Misao is sitting at the bottom of the amateur level, his punches are slow and predictable, he has openings all over the place, pretty typical for most quirkies, (The name of people with quirks my mom came up with) if their quirk isn’t some form of strength enhancement they rarely bother with learning proper CQB and Misao is the same. He never really fights but instead stays on the defensive, blocking and dodging throughout the fight. If I was fighting anyone else I would crush them for attempting this, but since its Misao, I’m holding back a ton. 

Since it’s him, I’m holding back a ton, to be honest, I could beat him very easily when he blocks by crushing his guard, but I don’t and instead have some fun.    

After I had enough fun with Misao, I end the fight for his sake. I faint a punch, he falls for the bait, I spin behind, grab him and the both of us over with a German Suplex. 

I get up and look at my work, the sight of Misao with his ass up in the air is too funny, I have to hold back laughing at his pain. I walk over to make sure he’s ok, he looks up at me through his legs to see me, shaking my head in disappointment, “S-so, how did I?” He asks, his charismatic charm still strong through the pain and the embarrassing position he’s in. 

“You have a very high mountain to climb,” I reply and Misao’s body gives, falling down, that the final straw, I break down laughing. He’s going to be my greatest challenge to date, I’m fine with that, I love a good challenge.

At first, there was a major roadblock, I use Brazilian jiu-jitsu, a grappling style martial art, I could only teach Misao the basics, anything after that was going to be useless to him. So we spent a whole day looking online at martial arts to find something that would be suitable for him, he eventually chose Krav Maga, perfect for him since it’s a jack of all trade with the main focus being on self-defense. He could even apply it when he has a puppet. 

Every weekend afterward, me and Misao have private training sessions together. When it came to training Misao’s body, that was easy, I wasn’t too tough on him since Misao is a long-range fighter, so I started off with light training. Somewhere down the line, we started to go out. (That’s another story I’ll save for later.)

The first few weeks were hell for Misao, it was basically me beating the shit out of him for like 6 hours with him trying his best to learn and live. He ended up being covered in bruises afterward, walking down the hall at school was embarrassing for me since everyone including our classmates mistook the bruises as hickeys and Misao had to correct them, I wanted to die since we weren’t dating at the time, it got worse when we started going out. 

Misao was getting the hang of things, his instincts and reflexes were forming. During a session, me and Misao were sparring. He goes for a grab, I break away and retaliate with a lunging kick expecting him to dodge to the side, nope. He’s a bit too slow and I smash my foot into Misao’s gut, he’s down for the count and I pull away and Misao clutches his stomach and falls to a knee, I knocked the wind out of him like he was one of Chibi’s chew toys.

"I THOUGHT YOU'D DODGE THAT, ARE YOU FOR REAL?!" I yell, being so worried that I really hurt Misao that I’m not controlling the volume of my voice, shouting everything.    

"Mm... how was I suppose to know... '' Misao wheezes. 

"TELL ME ABOUT IT, I DIDN'T WANT IT TO TURN LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!" I retort. 

"Um... Cortney?" 

"WHAT?!" I ask, voice still on full blast.

"You're shouting... like a lot," Misao responds making me realize what I’ve been doing.  

"That's because I'm worried, sorry." I calm myself down and help Misao to our dorm then lay him down on the couch and make him some ginger tea to help his stomach.

Sometime later, we could no longer hold our sessions at the gym due to some things that happened and were forced to have them at my place instead. It wasn’t too bad but my sister, Lisa, kept a close eye on us. 

When I told my family I was about Misao, they didn’t have the best impressions of him at the start, due to his woman-charmer vibe, but they quickly saw that he is very much in love with me and would even die to protect me. Except for Lisa, she is the one most opposed to us going out and has personally stated to his face that she doesn't like him, and shouldn’t be anywhere near me.  

She has always been very protective of me, especially since she had to take care of me by herself most of the time, so at times she comes and watches over our training to make sure Misao doesn’t try anything funny. It’s not all bad since she can cover the faults with my training, after going overseas in America for 4 years and winning the UFC women’s championship belt, she’s gotten even better. 

Actually, this brings me back to when I was a little girl, most normal kids beg for candy or toys, not me. I begged my sister and father to let me train with them, so I could become a great hero. I remember what caused me to beg to this day, Deku jumping into a fight to save a woman and her child from a villain on the news, that was when I knew I wanted to be a hero like him. 

He was one of my biggest inspirations, hell, I even went so far as to mimic his wind pressure attacks by rewatching videos of his fights, they’re nowhere near as strong as his but I kept going at it until I had something I could be proud of. But sis will always be first for me since she was there to help me every step of way even when Mom and Dad couldn’t, such as being me food or water when I would push myself to my limit, or patch me up when I got into a fight at school and thanks to her, she helped me become the amazing fighter I am today. 

During a spar, Misao actually manages to dodge my punch, then is able to pin me down on my back and hold me down, “Good job,” I say waiting for Misao to advance, however, he uses his quirk, which is illegal during spars, to bind my arms above my head. 

“Uh?” I’m left a bit confused for a second during which Misao grabs my sides with his free hand, my sides are stupidly ticklish and he knows it. I try to break free but he presses on harder with his tickle attack, I’m left at his mercy due to our positions.  

“Pleee-ease Misao,” I beg him to stop, I’m ridiculously ticklish, “We’re supposed to be training,” I remind him what we were doing, Misao stops his tickle assault allowing me a chance to breathe, unbind my arms and gets off from on top of me, I look away while crossing my arms angry at him for breaking the rules and to also hide my blushing face. 

“Come on Cortney, you know I hate fighting, and I could never hurt such a pretty face.” He replies while stroking my cheek, he knows exactly what to say and do to make me melt like butter.   

“Spoiled bastard,” I tell Misao and he responds by blowing a raspberry on my cheek, washing out any anger I may still have, “Stop that, it tickles.”

I can never be too mad at him since I forget to give myself breaks and he’s there to tell me to go easy.  

Time goes on until one Misao receives a call from Lisa telling him to come to get something for me I left at our house, when he gets there Lisa grabs and drags him to our training spot before throwing  

“What’s going on?” Misao asks from the very sudden invitation.

“Simple, break up with Cortney.” Lisa bluntly replies. 

“Why?” 

“Because Cortney shouldn’t be wasting her time with you, and I’ve watched you two, you constantly charm her and never take her training seriously.” She angrily answers with her evidence. 

Misao gets up and brushes the dirt off himself, but Lisa interrupts him before he can say anything, “No talk, we’ll settle this with our fists,” She retorts raising up her fists and getting into position, Misao does the same seeing as Lisa won’t listen to him. 

Misao waits for Lisa to take the first move, ready to counter, however, Lisa is right in front of him, driving her fist deep into Misao’s stomach and lifting him off the ground, “Even if I had a quirk, I wouldn’t need it to beat your ass.” Lisa whispers in Misao’s ear before flinging him at a nearby tree. He pushes himself back up to his feet where he’s stuck with a brutal kick to the chest, knocking out any wind he may have had left and pushes him to the ground.  

When Misao tries to get up, Lisa shuts him with a swift kick to the side of the ribs also flipping Misao on his side and exposing his vulnerable stomach and kicks as hard as she can. Misao can only take it as the previous attacks left him reeling in pain.

Lisa strikes three times each harder and more brutal, the third strike causes Misao to vomit the contents of his stomach, she rests her arms behind her head and starts walking away seeing as Misao has had enough punishment, “Stay the FUCK away from Cortney.” 

“S-s-selfish,” Misao croaks, Lisa turns around and sees Misao shaky trying to get up, she presses her foot on his back.

“What was that? Say that again?” Lisa viciously asks.

“You’re being selfish, what gives you any right to decide what’s right for Cortney?” Misao repeats, Lisa applies weight to her leg without any response.

“I’m protecting her from people like you, she worked her whole life up to this point, and I’m not letting you ruin this!” Lisa retorts, trying to press Misao into the floor but he’s fighting back. 

“You say that, but have even given a thought about how Cortney would feel?” Misao counters, fighting against Lisa, “NO, you haven’t, you haven’t given her wellbeing the time of day! She’ll be divested if I went through with it, and that’ll cause more damage than I could ever do if I tried!” Misao fights up to his feet and knocks Lisa off balance and socks her in the face with all his might, she falls down and Misao is now the left one standing. 

Lisa stares up at the sky, thinking about what Misao said, then covers her face with her hand, “You’re right!” she says still on the ground, “I was angry that I couldn’t be there to protect Cortney, and just attacked you with that anger for no reason. Sorry about that, it’s a really bad habit of mine.” She points out.

“It’s fine,” Misao says.

“I was blind, and have been a really bad big sister. Listen, you win, just promise me, you’ll make Cortney happy.” She asks.

“I will,” Misao promises, clutching his sides, which are probably broken. 

Lisa gets up and puts an arm over her shoulder, “Sorry, let me patch you up, also don’t tell Cortney about this, ok?” Misao nods.

“Also, let me add, you still have to earn my respect.” 

I eventually found out and was quite pissed off at Lisa for some time, I had her be Misao’s training dummy to make up for it.

[team-free-will-oneshots]

Sticks and Stones

Title: Sticks and Stones

Request/Prompt: 1. The bar thingy to insert my name into your fics is super cool! 2.Would you write something where the reader is feeling some self-doubt because of how their mother emotionally abused them as a child, and Sam encourages them and makes them feel like their reaction to the abuse is valid? I would so grateful if you would, but only if you're comfortable with it. It's a heavy topic, so I 100% understand if you don't want to. Again, please don't feel obligated to complete it! Thank you! -- @meticulouswreck

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: ANGST ! Negative self talk !!! Mentions of abuse !!

Word Count: 1,980-ish

note; first off, sorry this came later than expected! secondly, i’m glad u like the bar thing ! i hope this is what you were looking for. i know this is a sensitive topic so i tried to approach it as carefully as i could, but if i made mistakes or you need me to change anything please message me so i can! x

also, unrelated but i was listening to “Let Me In” by Gabrielle Aplin while i wrote this and i highly recommend the song its A+, 11/10

__________

It was always worse at night.

The echoes of her words, your mother’s words, would creep slyly from the recesses of your mind, warping your thoughts, twisting your inner voice to mirror her own. Old conversations stained your rare happy moments, harsh accusations snapped at your every action. Somewhere along the line, the painful memories had distorted your own thoughts, and you’d adopted her harsh criticism - perhaps that was the worst tragedy of all. She couldn’t torment you anymore, but she’d taught you to torment yourself.

Sam slept beside you, eyelids fluttering with his dreams, his jaw slack, no longer tightened with the stress the daytime always bring. You envied him - the night was his solace, but it was your hell. Even Sam’s arms wrapped loosely around your waist, his gentle breath fanning over your neck, could not erase the doubt that crippled you.

He doesn’t love you. Why would he? You’re not good enough for someone like him. He’s a hero, and you’re… no-one.

You clenched your jaw to restrain your sob, channelling it into heavy breathing as your blurry eyes focussed on the roof. You tried to distract yourself, seeking out cracks in the ceiling, stains on the walls, but your eyes couldn’t erase the words reverberating through your skull. You couldn’t even tell whether they were in her voice or yours.

Sam shifted in his sleep, and you felt your heart stop as you paused with bated breath, watching him cautiously… his lips parted in a quiet snore, and you relaxed. The last thing you needed was to wake him up. He deserved the little rest he got, you weren’t going to be the one to deprive him of that. You were burden enough, in your mind.

Daytime was never this hard - surrounded by Sam, Dean and Cas, enveloped in chatter and laughter and teasing, it was easier to drown out your thoughts. But at nighttime, your thoughts were your only company. The weight of them crushed you, pulling shaky breaths from your lips and tears from your eyes. You needed a distraction.

You rested your hand on Sam’s arm, slung over your stomach and holding you close - a reassurance that you were there, with him, that you hadn’t met the same fate as all too many of his exes. But as he slept, it was easy to crawl out from beneath the youngest Winchester, leaving him snoring peacefully and tangled in sheets.

Releasing a shaky sigh, you grabbed your coat and left the room. You weren’t quite sure where you were headed, you just knew you needed to get out. The more you paced around the bunker, the more stuffy it grew. Her words… your words, crowded your mind and threatened to choke you, to snuff out the little hope you had left. And so, when you saw the Impala’s keys lying on the library desk, your fingers closed around the cold metal without a second thought.

The cold air slammed into you as you left the cosy confines of the bunker. Your cheeks and ears burned raw with the chill, and you dug your hands into your pockets as you walked towards the car, parked along the curb. The tears on your cheeks were beginning to freeze when you managed to unlock the door with clumsy fingers, and you were quick to thrust the keys into the ignition.

The Impala stuttered and shuddered with the cold, but eventually roared to life, the noise settling into a steady purr as you turned on the heater and rubbed your hands together before the small vents. As the blood began to return to your fingertips, you rested them on the cool wheel and prepared to pull away from the curb, only to halt as something tapped lightly on the passenger window.

Your heart was sent racing at the sound, the haste throbbing drowning out your thoughts as your breath caught. Leaning over, you rolled down the window and breathed an initial sigh of relief as you saw it was just Sam, bleary eyed and still in his pyjamas. Even his feet were bare, and you quickly ushered him in so he wouldn’t catch a cold.

“What are you doing?” you asked in a quiet voice, though there was no one around to hear you. Sam’s brow creased in concern.

“I woke up, and you were gone. I couldn’t find you inside, and I got worried, so...”

A small smile twisted your lips. “So you came to rescue me? Pyjamas and all?” you teased, and he huffed a laugh, leaning back against the seat.

“Yeah, well, maybe that part wasn’t quite thought out,” he admitted, and his humorous tone softened as he saw the tear stains on your cheeks and the red rims of your eyes. “Are you okay? What are you doing out here?”

You sighed, shaking your head slightly and leaning against the steering wheel. Sam paused as he sensed your unwillingness to talk. “I know what it feels like, wanting to escape,” he said eventually. “It feels like I spent my whole life running. From hunting, from my dad, and now from whatever big bad each year seems to bring. I used to sneak out and go for drives at night. Pick a direction and just go until I saw the sun. Dean would give me shit for it the next day, but it was nice to leave everything behind. Just for a night.” He glanced over at you pointedly, and you gave him a slight nod.

“Yeah. I get that. I get that alot,” you admitted. And although you hadn’t thought you’d ever allow yourself to share your feelings, you felt you’d explode if you didn’t. Sam had that effect on you - being around him left you feeling so utterly safe that you didn’t feel quite as much like a burden, not during the moment at least. Those feelings came later.

“Okay, I...I’ll talk. But I’m not good with… sharing stuff, so… I’m gonna drive so I have something else to focus on, okay?” You spared him a glance from the corner of your eye, catching sight of his gentle, satisfied smile and his accepting nod.

“Okay,” Sam replied. You released a shaky breath as you put the car into drive and pulled onto the road, headlights illuminating the long, narrow stretch ahead of you. Your knuckles were white on the steering wheel, fingers circling it so tightly that your nails bit into the palms of your hands, leaving small, reddened crescent marks. Your mouth was drier than cotton and you opened your mouth to begin, only to find yourself closing it again.

“Sorry,” you said eventually. “I… I’m not used to- to people actually wanting to listen to me,” you admitted. Your voice was small, barely rising above a whisper, but Sam heard it anyway.

“Why don’t you start with… why you got out of bed at three am?” he suggested lightly. You swallowed and licked your lips before beginning.

“I guess… I guess it mostly comes down to self doubt?” Your voice tilted into a question, and Sam nodded slowly.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked. You released another shaky sigh.

“I… I guess I just don’t ever feel good enough,” you mumbled. “Not a good enough hunter, not good enough for you, not a good enough… person. Just… a burden,” you surmised. Something about saying the words out loud, hearing your broken voice piercing the silence of the car, made your feelings seem all too real. You swallowed thickly.

“Y/N…” Sam whispered, his tone heavy with empathy. “Why would you think that? How could you ever possibly think that?”

You forced a short, sharp laugh that was too loud in the quiet night. “Honestly? My mother,” you got out. “She… that’s what she always told me,” you continued eventually. “I was just a burden on her, good for nothing, never… never enough. And she had no qualms telling me.” You chuckled dryly. “I feel bad even talking about this with you now… she never wanted to know how I felt, not really. Sometimes it felt like she didn’t want to know me at all.”

The gravity of your hurt seemed to crush you as the words left your lips, and you couldn’t bite back your sobs anymore. You pulled over, and as soon as the car was off, Sam was shifting closer to you. His thumb rubbed soothing circles on your knee and his large hand found yours, encasing it entirely.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he soothed, and slowly, your tears began to subside. When your breathing evened, Sam spoke again. “I don’t want you to ever feel bad sharing how you feel with me,” he told you. “Or if you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to Dean. Or Cas. Hell, call Jody! But I love you, okay? We all do. You’re the furthest thing from a burden.”

His words made tears spring to your eyes yet again. “I just- I just feel so stupid even feeling like this still! It was- it was so long ago, I was only a kid. I have you guys now, my new family, and I know you love me, I do, I promise. I just… I can’t shake this constant feeling of self doubt. It’s like I can never escape her,” you whispered, and Sam shook his head slightly, pulling you into his arms.

It was hard to hug him in the small confines of the car, especially with his height, but he curled his frame over you protectively as he held you close to his chest. You could smell traces of soap on his skin, the light stubble on his jaw rubbing on your cheeks, his hair tickling your skin. His warmth enveloped you, and you could feel his heart beating steadily beneath his shirt. You’d never felt so safe.

“Don’t feel stupid,” he murmured, his lips brushing your temple. “These kinds of things… they leave scars. And it hurts, but it’s okay, as long as you keep moving forward. I can’t promise that it will ever stop hurting, but it’s okay to feel it. Your feelings are valid, okay? So long as you remember you have us now, and we’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere.” Sam’s voice fell to a whisper, and you pulled away, sniffling and nodding.

“Thanks, Sam,” you whispered, and he gave you a sad smile, his large hand cradling your cheek as he gently wiped a tear from your cheek. You could feel the calluses on his skin, a result of years of hunting. And though you knew these hands had ended many a monster, and held so much strength, he touched you with such tenderness, such… reverence... And you knew his words rang true. This man would be there for you, always. Through hell and highwater, he would never leave your side unless you ordered him away.

“Well… we should probably get the car back home before Dean finds out we stole it,” Sam said teasingly, and you found yourself giggling and nodding despite yourself.

“Yeah, he’ll kill us,” you agreed. Sam’s fingertips lingered on your cheek a moment longer, running gently along your cheekbone, tracing your lips… and slowly, his mouth brushed over yours. The kiss wasn’t as intense and passionate as ones you had shared before - no, this was soft and sweet and slow. It rang of a promise, and warmed the blood in your veins as goosebumps rose on your skin. He left you breathless when you pulled away, but instead of sending your head spinning, it finally allowed your thoughts to settle.

“You okay?” Sam checked when you didn’t speak. A slow, shy smile spread across your face.

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

And for the first time in a long while, you meant it.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: The Trap (15x09)

Whaaaat did I just watch though? That made me... so happy? In the sad way? You know. You get it.

Cons:

I understand that the actress playing Eileen can't be in all the rest of the episodes, but I'm still sad to see her leave. It reminds me of Mary leaving, after her resurrection - just a plotty excuse to get a certain actor out of the show for a while. I wish it wasn't necessary. Eileen had better be in several more episodes, and she had better f**king live. That's all I'm sayin'.

Jared and Jensen were clearly having fun playing vampires, which is good for them, but it was a little too cheesy for my taste. Especially when Vamp!Sam got shot and Vamp!Dean attacked Jody. That should have been actually moving - this idea that even as a monster, Dean would go berserk watching Sam die. But instead I was too distracted by Dean's silly monster attack face. It's a small thing, but still.

Pros:

So let's start with the Purgatory stuff. This whole subplot was really just an excuse for Dean to emotionally apologize to Cas, and you know what? I am not mad about it. Really, it's a simple quest - get in, find magic flower, get out, create weapon to trap Chuck. So instead of watching two people hunt monsters, grab a flower, and get the hell out of dodge, we focus on the emotional aspect of this relationship.

First off, I love that Dean and Cas have to go into Purgatory knowing that Chuck has Eileen and Sam. You can see how torn Dean is, how every instinct is telling him to run to his brother immediately. But Cas is done caving to whatever Dean wants. He's scared for Sam too, but he knows that the only way to defeat Chuck is to follow through on Michael's plan. Once they're there, Dean is continually pissy, and Cas just doesn't have time for it. He scoffs at Dean's suggestion that they split up, and then later, as they are following their captive Leviathan to the flower they need, we get the exchange that everyone is already talking about: "You left." "I left, but you didn't stop me." Like... excuse me? That's the most... that's just... how is that not two exes being angry and bitter and heartbroken with each other? It was so much!

And then they get separated, and Dean searches for him. When there's only thirty minutes left until the rift closes, he realizes that he might have to leave Cas behind in Purgatory. For the second time. I love everything that goes unspoken here, because I truly believe that Dean would stay in Purgatory, and miss his chance to go home, to keep looking for Cas. But he can't do that, because Chuck has Sam. The prayer was... it was a lot. I know some people were disappointed and wanted some big declaration of love, but my expectations have always been pretty low when it comes to Destiel content.

So... to see Dean pray to Cas, literally fall to his knees part way through that prayer, to see him apologize, to see him say "of course I forgive you" and "you're my best friend," to see him acknowledging his own anger and how he takes it out on Cas, and how that isn't fair... I was overwhelmed. And Jensen really didn't pull any punches with the emotional nature of his reaction. We've seen a lot of dramatic angst speeches from Dean over the years - it's one of the show's trademarks. This isn't even the first time we've seen one of these speeches that's mostly about Cas. But this one isn't the typical "single man tear" type. Dean is openly weeping, his voice cracking as he repeats "I hope you can hear me." He thinks he might be saying goodbye to Cas forever, and it's so fucking powerful.

And that hug! Cas waiting by the rift for the last possible second, Dean planning to do the same, and then - they're reunited, and Cas got what they came for in the first place! I loved the hug, I loved Cas telling Dean: "I heard your prayer." It's just so - intimate. Dean praying to Cas is intimate, and it always has been, and it kind of drives me bonkers that it even exists.

Benny being dead was an interesting choice... they got the actor to come back for at least one scene, so it's odd not to see him here. That said, I appreciated that the writers didn't forget about him. Of course Dean would ask. And we also see Cas offering his sympathies, which leads in to their snippy exchange.

Let's go ahead and turn to the main plot of the night... Chuck systematically breaking Sammy's heart and fortitude. I am eMOTIONAL right now. I love that Chuck uses Eileen to cut Sam, that is just so dark and twisted and awful, and I felt so bad for both of them. But this isn't enough to break Sam Winchester, of course.

So Chuck tries a different tack, showing Sam what will happen if Dean and Cas swoop in and save the day, and defeat Chuck. The grim reality of the future is this: without God in place to keep balance, the monsters will start to take over the world, and Sam and Dean will not be able to stem the tide. That's the big picture, and it's what Chuck eventually explains to Sam... but in the immediate reality of it, Sam can only focus on the fact that their allies will slowly die around them - Donna and the girls, leaving Jody bereft, Eileen, leaving Sam bereft... even Cas gets buried in the box because the Mark turned him dark-side. And that at the end of all of this, Sam wants to go out swinging, while Dean wants to give up. It ends with Sam and Dean becoming vampires, and Jody and Bobby coming along to take them out once and for all. That's the reality waiting at the end of the line, if Chuck is defeated.

I hate to talk more about Destiel (haha no I don't), but I just have to point out that Dean identifies the moment when he lost all hope as the moment when he had to bury Cas. That's true love, baby! And Sam's increasingly frantic energy was really tough to watch, especially when we know that in this imagined future, Sam and Eileen formed a real relationship, and then he lost her. We start off this whole future by seeing Sam, Eileen, Dean, and Cas all apparently living together in the bunker, researching for cases, having movie nights... and then Jody calls to tell them that Claire is dead, and that's what starts the nightmare spiral.

And it gets worse than that - if Chuck is defeated, this is the apparent outcome. If Chuck isn't defeated, we go back to the whole "Cain and Abel" thing, where Sam and Dean are destined to kill each other. Chuck informs Dean, after Dean and Cas show up to save the day, that these weren't Chuck's planned endings. They were other versions of Sam and Dean, other ways that their story ended over the many different versions of Earth that Chuck has created.

Well, that's grim. I really enjoyed tracking the idea of "hope" as it's presented in this episode. Sam refuses to let Chuck get to him for a really long time, but one of the reasons that he loses hope, ultimately, and doesn't trap Chuck, is because he sees this future where Dean loses hope. Where instead of going out like Butch and Sundance, you have Sam basically forcing Dean to continue hunting, by threatening to go into reckless fights by himself. Of course Dean would never let Sam do that, even though he's lost his heart for hunting because his husband is gone. But then in our current reality, we see that Sam has lost hope, but Dean has not. Even as Chuck says that the dark ending is inevitable, Dean says no. Not this Sam. Not this Dean.

It's so fascinating, because it was Dean earlier this season who said that he couldn't even tell what was real anymore, but now, with his relationship with Cas newly repaired, he seems to have hit his second wind. He'll hold the torch of optimism while Sam cannot.

Eileen and Sam finally kissed, and of course they had to make it bittersweet! She needs some time away, she can't stay when she's so uncertain about what's real anymore. Chuck has manipulated their relationship, bringing them back together in order to prove a point. And that sucks, and it feeds in to Sam and Dean's fears about their free will... but it doesn't mean that Eileen and Sam's feelings for each other aren't real. I have hopes that Eileen will grapple with that off screen, and come back to help kick some ass by the time the finale roles around. Also the kiss was really sweet and soft and I want Sam to be happy SO BAD.

One final note: Sam didn't crush the magic orb thingy that was supposed to trap Chuck, making Dean and Cas' harrowing trip to Purgatory pointless. I was worried that this would cause a rift between the brothers, but instead, when Sam says that he believes Chuck's vision of the future, and how bad things will get without him around, Dean just says: "that's good enough for me." I love the fact that they are on the same page, and that here going into the endgame, we can have a united front.

One final final note: It looks like Jack is making a return! Place your bets now - will Jack replace Chuck as God, restoring balance and allowing our heroes the chance to defeat our ultimate Big Bad? I gotta say, I don't hate that as an ending to the show!

9.5/10