#I also may or may not be projecting my period syndromes onto ayesha

[mxliv-oftheendless]

The Joys of Womanhood

So today has been hell, and I blame God for every single second of the shittyness. Why, you ask? Because he fucking overreacted over Eve eating a fucking APPLE and now I have to endure a period of hormones, cramps, and horrible, horrible back pain that makes me feel like I’m dying a horrible painful death. Fuck the patriarchy. 

Anyway, I decided to vent my frustration in writing and banged out this little oneshot. I actually have this idea a lot, but it always passed through my mind before I took the time to write it up. This doesn’t have to fit anywhere in either the KISSteriaverse or the Black Dahlia series; it’s purely a self-indulgent thing I wrote to get my frustration and anger from today out. So... enjoy!

“Velma, give it back!”

“You’ve been using it for two hours, Daphne, it’s my turn now.”

“But it still hurts!”

“Well, it still hurts for me, too!”

Heather sighed and cracked open her eyes, turning to look over at Velma and Daphne. They were leaning on their sides and tugging a heating pad back and forth as they bickered. “Girls, don’t argue,” her voice sounded incredibly done with everything, which was pretty much on point. “Daphne, you’ve been using the heating pad for two hours. You and Velma agreed that you would take turns using it for two hours. It’s Velma’s turn now. You can take more painkillers if your cramps still hurt that much.”

Daphne turned to her in protest. “But Heather—”

“I’m sorry, did I stutter?” Heather gave her an incredibly stern glare.

Daphne was silent for a few seconds, then sighed and let go of the heating pad. “Sorry, Heather,” she said apologetically.

Heather’s look softened and she waved her hand. “It’s fine. I get it. We’re all in pain right now.”

As if on cue, a pained whimper came from the other end of the couch she was sprawled out on. Heather, Velma, and Daphne all looked over sympathetically at Ayesha. Heather’s statement was the truth; thanks to the wonderful thing that happened to female bodies every month, they were all having cramps and other period pains. It was why they had all decided to veg out together and ride it all out together. Velma was taking the time to show them Buzzfeed Unsolved, a series Heather had never heard of, but was liking so far. It did nothing to take her mind off her horrible pain, though.

Ayesha, though, was feeling the worst of it. She had pain in her back as well as cramps, and was currently lying on the couch on her stomach. Her face was scrunched up in pain and she looked ready to cry.

“You okay, sweetie?” Heather asked her sympathetically.

“No,” Ayesha got out. “I’m dying. It hurts…”

Heather heaved herself up to sit, then reached for the teapot sitting on the coffee table. She placed her hands on the teapot and focused, until she sensed the water was hot enough inside. She poured more tea into a cup and handed it to Ayesha. “Do you think you can drink more tea?”

Ayesha pushed herself up to sit, a grimace of pain flashing across her face, and she took the teacup. She blew at the tea and took a sip. “Thank you, Aunt Heather,”

“You’re welcome,” Heather poured out another cup for herself, blew on it, then took a long sip. “Velma, Daphne, do you want anymore?”

“No thanks,”

“I do.” Velma slowly sat up and accepted a cup from Heather. “What did you say was in this tea again?”

“It’s raspberry tea with a special pain relief potion.”

“What’s special about it?” Daphne asked interestedly.

“The Sisters brew it only for period pains. We all have it memorized.”

Velma didn’t comment, which Heather brushed off. She was still trying to accept Heather being a witch and that magic was real. Meanwhile Ayesha finished her cup. “Can I drink more?”

“Drink all you want, sweetie. Is it working?”

Ayesha sat still, then shrugged. “A little.” She picked up the teapot and poured out more tea. “Do you think Aiutu and Baba are mad at me?”

Heather wanted to sigh again. From what she had been told, Ayesha, in a bout of hormone-induced anger, had shouted at Demon and Vinneketh to leave her alone and stop smothering her. “I’m positive they’re not mad at you. They understand. They’re probably joking about how you have Demon’s temper right now.”

Ayesha managed a smile, and leaned back against the couch cushions to drink her tea. At that moment, a stabbing pain flared up in Heather’s hips, and she winced and reached for the teapot again. She filled her cup then leaned back against the pillows, groaning. “Gods, I hate this time of the month. It was the one thing I liked about being old; menopause was a wonderful thing.”

“Y’know what’s funny?” Daphne said aloud. “Shaggy’s the one that knows ahead of time to leave me and Velma alone. He even makes snacks for us sometimes. Freddy never realizes until either me or Velma throw something at him. Usually Velma.”

“I’d refute that, but it’s true.”

“How’s that funny?” Heather muttered. “Seems pretty accurate to me.” She loved her nephew, that went without saying. But even she could admit he was a little slow to realize things… a lot.

Velma groaned in pain. “Jinkies, I hate this. If God exists, he’s a misogynist.”

Heather toasted her with her teacup and took a long drink of tea.

She heard her front door open, then footsteps, then Paul entered the living room with a bag in his hand. “How’s it going?” he asked. “Any better?”

“Ha. Ha ha. Ha.” Velma laughed sarcastically. “Hilarious.”

Heather shrugged at her friend. “Not much better. Did you get it?”

“I’ve got it right here.” Paul set the bag down on the coffee table and pulled out the pints of ice cream the girls had all requested. He picked up the flavor Ayesha wanted and brought it to her, ruffling her hair. “You alright, Yesha?”

Ayesha shrugged. “I’m a little better.” She opened her pint and smiled when she saw the mint chocolate chip ice cream inside, then looked back up at Paul. “Thank you.”

“Sure, sweetie,”

“Paul.”

Paul’s smile dropped off his face at Heather’s tone, and looked to be reluctant as he turned around. Heather was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and a frown, raising her pint of ice cream so he could see the label. “Did you seriously buy sugar-free ice cream?”

“Er… yes?” Her eyebrow lowered and her frown deepened. “It’s the flavor you wanted,” Paul tried to argue. “It’s still chocolate. It’s just sugar-free.”

Heather turned to Daphne and Velma. “Girls, what do yours say?”

Daphne and Velma looked at their labels, then back up at her. “Mine’s sugar-free too,” Daphne confirmed.

“So’s mine,”

Heather turned back to Paul, scowling at him. “Paul, did you seriously buy all of us sugar-free ice cream?”

“Um…” Paul gave himself away by guiltily rubbing the back of his neck and glancing down at Ayesha. Ayesha, who had already begun eating her ice cream, stopped when they all looked at her, her spoon still in her mouth. At Heather’s glare, Paul quickly started talking again. “It’s sugar-free, Heather!”

“I don’t care, Paul!” Heather fired back.

“Why does it matter? It’s still ice cream!”

Heather bolted to her feet, eyes blazing. “Why does it matter?!”

Seeing his impending doom, Paul dashed out of the room. “That’s right, Stanley, you better run!” Heather shouted after him. When she heard the door slam, she flopped back onto the couch, grumbling. “Unbelievable…”

“You weren’t really going to hurt him, were you?” Velma asked.

Heather sighed heavily. “No. Only because it hurts to move.” She sat up to grab a spoon from the coffee table.

“Um,” Daphne started hesitantly, “why does it matter that it’s sugar-free ice cream? It doesn’t really matter much to me.”

“And it wouldn’t to me, either,” Heather replied as she opened her ice cream. “Except that Paul does this every time. Spend enough time around him, and you’d be tired of him pushing his sugar obsession on you too.”

“See, we should’ve called Shaggy instead,” Velma stated as she opened her pint and dug into it with her spoon. “He avoids the sugar-free options like the plague.”

“I thought Daphne insisted on calling Uncle Star…” At Heather’s glance in her direction, Ayesha corrected herself. “Uncle Paul.” She smiled impishly at the redhead. “Do you liiiiike him?”

Daphne’s face flushed red, and she sank down into the couch cushions. “I just think he’s kind of cute, is all,” she insisted.

“Oh please,” Velma scoffed. “You get a dreamy look at just his voice. You’ve been like that ever since he gave you that kiss.”

Ayesha looked at Heather in surprise. “Uncle Paul kissed her?”

Heather nodded. “Yep. I watched it happen.”

“But I thought Uncle Paul was…”

“He’s bi, technically. A very disastrous bi, but.”

“Oh.” Ayesha thought about it for a moment, then shrugged and leaned back. “Okay.”

Velma looked at Heather curiously. “You’re going to apologize to him later, right?”

“Oh,” Heather shrugged, “probably. But he understands. He’s witnessed this nonsense many, many times throughout our friendship. Believe me, I’ve yelled at him over much more miniscule things.”

“More miniscule than ice cream being sugar-free?” Daphne asked curiously. “Like what?”

“Well…”

The three girls listened as Heather talked, all of them eating their ice cream. In all, it wasn’t a bad way to ride out this time of the month.

They still hated it with every inch of their beings, however.