#I also lost my long term boyfriend of 4 years which was great ✌️
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At this point it feels like I’m not even back at square one. It’s more like I’m at the lowest point my life can possibly get.
#before I started uni my life was shit but I had one friend and the hope that uni life would make things better#it did#but unis over#now it feels like that one friend I did have has forgotten about me and hasn’t got any time for me (which is fair but it’s sucks)#I only see my undergrad uni friends once a year (I love them still but I don’t even get texts nowadays)#as for my postgrad friends I haven’t heard from them at all - they barley even spoke to me at graduation#I also lost my long term boyfriend of 4 years which was great ✌️#so really back to square one on that front#but really I’m even lower than square one#I don’t have the hope of going back to uni because I’ll never be able to afford a PhD#as for a job it really feels all sorts of hopeless - I’ve had a couple of interview at this point but I doubt I’ll get the jobs and at this#point it seems really hopeless applying to most places because every job I apply to has 100+ applicants and even if I have the exact#experience required I get overlooked#then this whole thing with my sister - we’ve always had a good relationship - I’ve always loved being with her - but she said I was a#harasser and that she felt like she was in an abusive relationship with me because I asked for her help with something#the help being something pretty insignificant overall - like few minutes of your time - check over something for me and help me download it#I just this has absolutely wrecked me - I can’t believe she thinks of me that way as an abuser? because I asked for her help#I always help her in anyway I can - it feels like I’m lying about this because how can she think I’m abusive over such a small thing#I just don’t think I’ll ever get over it#I don’t think I can have the same relationship with her again. I can’t ever ask for her help again. and I certainly don’t want to help her#anymore if it’s just gonna be a one way street where I help her for hours on end but can’t ask for her help without her viewing me as#an abuser of some kind#I just have no one but my parents now - I’m so lucky to have parents that love and care about me#but I just want to cut off all my hair and runaway. I just want to be a different person because being myself has gotten me nothing & no one
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