#I also am trying to dedicate more time to my hobbies outside of tumblr

[bonesandbrimstone]

// I don't think I talked about it on here, but I lost my aunt this past week. I appreciate everyone that reached out and all, and I've been getting a sudden surge of folks and friends wanting my attention, online and off, but I ain't really back yet. I'm kind of quietly popping on and working on stuff here and there as the mood hits, but I promise I'm not ignoring anyone.

I have a lot going on and I just don't have the spoons to be social at the moment, so bear with me.

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block

a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'

i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense

there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump

FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.

FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.

CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.

TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.

may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.

[goldazu]

Hiatus Update Notice

Hello, everyone. Long time, no talk. I know over a month has passed since most of you have even heard from me. There isn’t a particularly valid reason for this other than that sometimes I need space for myself, and I need time for my other hobbies and communities as well.

As most of you may have already surmised before my long period of silence, I was very much drawn to the new Pokemon games and still am, to be honest. Truth told, I have a whole server dedicated to my Pokemon friends and those who just want to game in general with me. Although I still love DL and am still just as, if not more obsessed with Ruki than ever, there was a time when writing as often and as much as I did burnt me out, honestly. I needed this break.

Not to sound like I'm complaining about how "popular" I am or anything, but it came to a point when many people were showing off their creations, whether it was art or new writing to me, and simply wanting to chat OOC in addition to the long RP threads and asks that I was also doing. Eventually, I felt as though I was just answering and replying people just to answer them. I didn't want to show my support for my friends' hard work by simply being like "that's neat" then move on, if that makes sense. Outside of Tumblr, I still had a life to attend to which also kept me busy.

I do appreciate that everyone was always eager to interact with me and send their wonderful OCs off to Ruki for their daily fill of shenanigans, angst, spice, or what have you. Yet at the same time, there were moments when I felt somewhat pressured to answer a lot of things in a short time frame, or was written off as remiss for my lack of participation with certain events. For that, I deeply regret not being there, but I also think I was there as much as any one person could be given that I was always writing with 20-30 other people at the same time.

Don't get me wrong—I really do miss roleplaying with everyone, and chatting with you all as well. It's just that I've fallen very behind on who I need to reply to, both DMs and thread-wise. It began to feel mentally taxing, but I hope to finally catch up when I'm in a better place. And I will always sincerely appreciate how many people on this website admire me for my canon portrayal of Ruki. I've always tried to keep it 100% fair on my blog and interact with people the same amount, regardless of how many asks or threads they try to start. Some of you would try to keep it to one thread at a time, whereas others had quite a few going with me, and both are fine. I just need to make it clear that, given the high volume of people interacting with my blogs, I won't always have a lightning-fast reply speed.

As for where I've been, my Pokemon community and discord server is honestly such a great place. Everyone there is super chill, and we hop onto voice call every other day to be sweaty gamers, lmao. I've connected with people I really respect these days, and while Ruki provides his support and care during his rare moments of sweetness amidst the sadism, I've been looking to my close friends for care, too.

Anyway, it was never my intention to worry anyone here with my prolonged absence. I hope to always stick around here on Tumblr, whether my activity is one post per day or thirty when I'm feeling energetic. It really all depends. Take care and stay well.

[thegingeralien]

Thought I might share my “doing homework with adhd” tips in case the might help even just one person (because that would make me feel happy).

Who am I to be giving you advice? Good point! I am still terrible at studying and I’m 26 and at University for the millionth time. But I have studied A LOT in my 22 years of schooling with varying degrees of success.

I see a lot of people, especially teenagers or first year university/college students, with ADHD asking for tips on how to study. But if you do a google search most of the websites and advice that comes up can be extremely ableist. So I hope I can help someone!

TIPS TO HELP YOU STUDY WHEN YOU HAVE AN ADHD GREMLIN BRAIN!:

1. Chewing gum!

- This might come across as a weird one, but it has actually really helped me. I use it as a form of stimming to help keep me focused and concentrating. Other forms of stimming can potentially end up being more of a distraction when you actually need to be reading or writing - but they can help if you just need to be listening. Try not to get a bubble gum or fun flavoured one though - as they can end up making your mouth feel dry, lose flavour quickly, and just give your brain way too many sensory things to become distracted with.

2. Buying colour coded stationary!

- New stationary can make me really excited to start studying, but that excitement never lasts long and the act of buying stationary can sometimes become it’s own hobby. That’s not what we are going for here. I really recommend, especially if you are a visual learner like me, to buy colour coded stationary. This means removable page markers, different coloured post it notes, highlighters, sometimes even pens. This way if your mind jumps from one topic to the other, it doesn’t matter. Go with the flow. Forcing your ADHD gremlin brain to focus can be extremely counter intuitive. So pick a colour for each topic, and stick to that system to find organisation among your own chaos!

3. Buy a really cheap, boring year diary with hardly any writing inside.

- Not sure if your school/university has their own diary but they can be perfect for what I am on about. Generally you can find them for really cheap, soft cover, no writing or designs within the dates. Just dates, days, weeks and lines where you can write your homework. This helped me a lot in High School. I wish I had kept doing it in University, but I am good with giving advice, and not so much with taking it. I used to decorate the outside of it however I wanted. Some years I would redecorate the same diary every semester. In the public holidays or holiday days I would colour those lines in with different highlighters to make it look like a rainbow. But every assignment due date, homework, draft, rewrite, form I had to bring back, library book due date, school activity days, ANYTHING to do with school I would write in there with reminds and check lists. Important due dates would be highlighted, general homework and daily to do lists t(o help me not leave my assignments to the last minute) would have a tick box beside them (because ticking tick boxes is free dopamine). Try to not put birthdays or fun things in it. This is a small way to stay on track so it helps you actually stay on track with the big things when you’re home.

4. Big whiteboards stuck on the wall where you can’t avoid it.

- This is not something I had in school, but I so wish I did. I have been using this recently to keep on top of house work (as maintaining your own house is tiring) and my small business or other things I really can’t avoid. If I physically write it down (not just in my phone) it psychologically does help you commit it to memory. Again, physically putting a line through a task you just completed is a hecking great rush of dopamine. But the biggest reason I love my white board, I can’t ignore it. It is stuck to the wall and is never out of sight, out of mind. I can’t put my phone or diary down and then refuse to look at it until I’m past the due date. Again, I’m not a perfect person, there are days where I don’t do anything I have written on the white board. But the great thing is, I don’t have to continuously feel like I failure, as I can wipe it all off the next morning or week and start fresh. I also put important things I have to remember that I’m doing during the week so I don’t forget them.

5. Icky Medication.

- I know not everyone wants to be on medication, and I understand. I am not forcing you to. No matter what your opinions are, you lovely gremlin who is still reading this post, regarding medication, you are valid and I respect you. My personal experience with medication has not been the best. I have been misdiagnosed for a severe chunk of my academic life which has seen me trying to focus and maintain school work under some even worse states then I am unmedicated! However, since receiving my diagnosis and finding the right ADHD medication for me, I have the ability to get so much work done without having to unnecessarily struggle. It’s unfortunately not magic, it will not turn me into a robot that makes me do work and turn out incredible, noble peace prize winning assignments (as much as I wish that were possible). I still have the ability to be a lump, doom scrolling through tumblr, forgetting to eat, and ignoring responsibilities. But it really helps me when I sit down and start that thing that isn’t fun. Yesterday it helped me hyperfocus on cleaning my office which was a terrifying room to be in. So it’s pretty close to magic in my opinion!

6. Accessing Disability Support at your place of learning.

- Not all of you taking the time to read this will have either a) an offical diagnosis or b) a good disability support available to you wherever you are completing your studies. And that is okay. This dot point just won’t be for you right now. But keep it in mind for a time when it might apply to you, as it’s something I never thought I would need, but will never take for granted ever again.

- If you have an offical diagnosis and Disability Support, make an appointment with the disability support adviser. DO IT NOW! Get your psychiatrist to write a diagnosis letter outlining that you have <enter superpower that makes you hilarious here> and that you are receiving <enter x,y,z treatment here> and that you would benefit from receiving <enter what you have always wished you had on the days you can’t make your ADHD gremlin brain do the thing here>. Now these benefits can be, but not limit to: automatic extensions on ALL assignments, extra time on exams, extra breaks to walk around while taking exams, special consideration when marking assignments, my university allows me to take exams in a separate room with only the other students in my subject who also have disability support (occasionally I have taken an exam alone with only a tutor present) so I don’t get distracted, permission to take fidget items into class or exam (I have the option to wear headphones, as long as I can display that they are not connected to anything). Maybe you can come up with some great ones for you with your disability advisor or your psychiatrist.

- The disability advisor will often go through your course outline with you at the start of each semester or year. This is annoying and a great time for disassociating, but can be useful in hindsight because you are made aware of everything that will come up during your class so you are not surprised. Because lets be honest, it is unlikely you are going to look at the course calendar too often.

- Side Note: I make an appointment every semester with my disability support officer for my area of study to make sure I have my special considerations for the year. Now I may go through the whole year without ever using my considerations. However, the fact that I know they are there takes an insane amount of pressure off of myself. If I’m having an insanely screwy loony tune mental health moment, I can email my coordinator my disability plan and say I need an extension due to personal reasons, and WHOOP, there it izzzzz.

7. Dedicated one thing or a few things that have nothing to do with food/alcohol/other substances to reward yourself with for doing the thing!

- This may not work for everyone. It doesn’t always work for me. I used to reward myself with food, but that only reinforced my stimming with overeating and my already bad relationship with food. And I feel as though that would be the same with any other substance that can be linked with addiction. (Addiction is a tough word, cause what aren’t I addicted to, I have ADHD, but hopefully you get what I mean!).

-Now, boring try and not choose this aside, lets think of somethings that work really well as rewards!

- My partner likes to come give me a kiss and a hug when ever they have written and reread a paragraph, you might buy a book when you get a really good mark, you might want to go make a cup of tea and watch an episode of your hyperfixation after studying for <enter a good period of time here>, you might allow yourself to partake in an activity you usually do while procrastinating (but at least this time you know you aren’t putting something off), talk to someone who you know will tell you they are proud of you as they understand the mental struggle you go through to concentrate (if you can’t think of anyone, it is 110% okay if that person are the amazing people on tumblr or the adhd tumblr chats. We will freaking pop a bottle of champagne for you cause we get it!).

- Try and make what ever you choose be something in a different room or away from your working space. Getting out can really calm you down.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

- This is true for anything, but I don’t mean just asking your teacher to give you extra help understanding the task and marking rubric. Many people online, tutors, librarians at your school, past or present students offer assistance rereading and making small edits (they won’t make it magical unfortunately) to your assignments. If you are like me and once you have written or completed the dreaded thing, you can not imagine or force your gremlin brain reread or edit the thing. So it can help to just delegate this to someone else, who hasn’t read it before, so they won’t disassociate or skim read it. They will often notice things you never would have even if you were neurotypical as that is just what happens when you have been working on something for so long.

9. Repetitive music.

- It generally helps if this has no lyrics. Lo-fi is amazing. Classical is alright too if it works for you, but both my partner and I agree that it can really assist you to keep up pace and focus when the beat is a high and repetitive (almost meditative) tempo.

10. Limit your screen space.

- This is a tip completely from my partner @dr-adhd who also has ADHD, is an avid PC gamer and is consistently in a battle with their gremlin brain to focus on completing their PhD. They have discovered that it really helps them to limit their screen space - simply put, work on one screen only. They have done more work more easily when they have their one screen on their laptop to focus on. Whereas their office has multiple screens so they could be playing runescape, watching YouTube, listening to lo-fi and doing work - which never worked (shocking right hahaha).

11. At the risk of sounding like a Mum... Put your phone and other electronics other than the assignment necessary one, away.

- I am a Mum, but to a fluffy puppy dog, so I hate to sound like my Mum when I was in high school, but she was right. Mobiles are the single easiest and biggest distraction in ADHD history. I often, even at coffee shops, have to turn my phone over so that I am not consistently looking at it every time the screen lights up to say the pizza place has sent me a coupon, or a carpet place that has been having a sale since I was born is... still having a sale, or a friend from school wants you to watch this TikTok. Even though you might not want to ignore your friends, because people pleasing, difficulting making/keeping friends and RSD are hecking real things, but they can all wait. Trust me, none of them are urgent. That TikTok will still be funny in an hour or two. And I’m probably completely right when I say that whomever just messaged you, never replies as quickly as you want them too. So I doubt they are going to think twice if you are MIA to finish your thing.

My partner or I might add to this later, but at the moment I already know that I probably wouldn’t read this wall of words if I was the one reading it, so if you are still with me, THANK YOU and I really hope I might have helped you. Sorry for the mound of words, but maybe you can reblog, screen shot, or save this and read a dot point at a time or refer to it when you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I promise what ever it is, I’ve asked the same thing once in my life or something MUCH stupider.

[ms-demeanor]

While I appreciate that you want a person to live, have you considered that you are just another person who has refused them help? Sometimes it doesn’t get better. For how many years, and from how many people, is a person supposed to be ok with being dehumanized before it is ok for them to throw the towel in?

Telling someone what caliber of gun is most likely to kill them so they can start a savings fund for it isn’t helping; refusing to respond to that with anything other than mental health resources isn’t refusing to help.

But okay we’re going to have the It Gets Better talk.

I am almost thirty four years old. I’ve been getting treated for depression for literally more than half of my life. I have spent even MORE of my life than that kind of wishing that I was dead and occasionally REALLY wishing I was dead and sort of getting off my ass to do something about it. I have the standard CSA/multiple rape survivor Oh No The Trauma backstory and spent the last *nine* years living with an emotionally abusive relative who had recently taken to tracking my activity by filming me in my home.

I kind of hate “it gets better” narratives because you know what, sometimes life is shit and it doesn’t really get all that much better. Sometimes things are bad and the only thing that gets you out of the abuser’s house is the fact that your partner nearly died. Sometimes everything sucks and it sucks for a long time and there’s no end of the suck in sight.

I have friends who are chronically, degeneratively ill. I know “It Gets Better” doesn’t really help them because they aren’t going to get better. They’re going to stay sick, they’re going to keep hurting, and in a lot of cases things are going to get worse.

So “It Gets Better” kind of rubs me the wrong way. I’d like to reframe it.

You get better at dealing with the bullshit.

Sometimes your situation doesn’t improve but how you approach it does. You may be stuck in the same shit but dedicating less mental space to caretaking an abuser’s emotions. You may still be dealing with daily pain but you’ve gotten to know what triggers it and what to avoid. You may be stuck in a miserable, terrifying situation and have a rich and thriving community of fanfic authors you talk to when shit gets to be too heavy.

The people who “it gets better” narratives tend to be really helpful for are young people who don’t have any autonomy who are close to being old enough that they’ll finally get to make some choices about their lives.

It’s harder dealing with feeling trapped as an adult because you can’t generally escape the things that are trapping you by living in a college dorm or getting an apartment with a bunch of roommates or coming out because you may have already done those things OR you may be in a place where those things aren’t possible for you.

So what do you do?

Well, for starters instead of saving up money for the best kind of gun to kill yourself with save up money for something stupid and funny that you like. Save up money for a tattoo, save up money for an arcade-size DDR cabinet and pads, save up money to buy a camera to make a youtube channel of you doing bad cover songs. (And if you don’t have money to save up then take up a free hobby; if you’ve got access to the internet to send me anons about how to kill yourself you’ve got access to the internet to use AO3 and I strongly recommend you start writing self-insert fic where you get to hang out with the cool fictional characters you like because it’s sort of like maladaptive daydreaming but people will stop by and say nice things about it and you feel validated when the numbers go up)

If you *can’t* fix your situation (because you live in a country that doesn’t recognize your gender, because you’re poor and have to live with people who hurt you, because you’ve got such deep and overwhelming anxiety that making the change seems impossible, because you don’t want to abandon someone more vulnerable than you to the bad situation) then do something, ANYTHING, that you and you alone are in charge of. You’re in charge of your bad cover songs youtube channel. You’re in charge of the smiley face tattooed on your ass. You’re in charge of what happens in your totally self-indulgent, fluffy, found family fic.

Find one thing, ONE THING, that allows you to assert your autonomy and everything gets a lot easier from there because A) you’ve got proof you can do something for yourself and B) you’ve now got something to fall back on when you ask yourself “why do I keep going?”

You keep going because you like your gender affirming roleplay group online. You keep going because you want a horrible butterfly tattooed on the other ass cheek. You keep going because you want to see how many kudos the next update gets.

And while you’re doing all of that you’re making a plan.

Let’s not kid ourselves here, suicidal people are GOOD at making plans. Not at keeping them all the time, but good at making them.

So you plan to get out.

You might not *keep* that plan but if you can sit and fantasize about eating a gun so that the pain will stop then you can sit and fantasize about buying a plane ticket or running away or looking for a different doctor so the pain will stop.

Do the little things that you can do. Write fic, go fishing, fold paper cranes, take long walks by yourself, pet a cat, get a tongue piercing, read a book. Do the little things that you can control, that you enjoy, that you do just for you.

And while you’re doing that think about the train you’re going to take to leave, how much nicer the nurses will be at the new doctor, how great it’s going to feel to dress in a way that feels right.

And even if it doesn’t work and you’re stuck living with a shitty abusive harpy who screams you awake and makes you have panic attacks whenever you hear her moving around the house you’ll get better at dealing with the bullshit. You’ll build up a space for you in your head where the bullshit isn’t there.

And then maybe someday the outside matches the inside. Maybe your friend needs a roommate, maybe you get a job that pays better, maybe a new medication is released. You don’t know for sure that it’s going to happen, there’s no guarantee it’ll happen, but at least if it doesn’t happen you’ve carved out a little space for yourself where you can survive.

ALSO

I know that a huge number of suicidal people are suicidal because they feel helpless.

One way to IMMEDIATELY make yourself feel less helpless is to help someone else. Here’s an app where you can give visual assistance to blind and low-vision people: https://www.bemyeyes.com/

The world is shitty and everything sucks and sometimes you can’t make your own situation better, but you can write video and image transcriptions on tumblr and maybe that’ll cheer someone else up.

Anyway, it’s not up to me to say when anybody else has had enough, but I figure you shouldn’t try to kill yourself until you’ve gotten a stegosaurus in an admiral’s hat tattooed on your thigh or something because who knows, that could be the thing that makes you feel better enough to keep going and if you’ve put up with the pain and bullshit this long what do you have to lose by putting up with it a little longer?

[spnfanficpond]

Pond Diving - Queen-of-deans-booty

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Jordan

Age: 23

Location: Arizona, USA

URL: @queen-of-deans-booty 

Why did you choose your URL: Honestly, Dean is the first person I liked on SPN and his ass is so tight and I believe all women are queens so that’s why.

What inspired you to become a writer: I remember reading a book in middle school about vampires, and it’s the first book I remember reading that made me feel all sorts of emotions that books never used to do for me before then. It amazed me to feel these things from a book, and I realized that I wanted to do that for other people someday, thus, is why I became a writer.

How long have you been writing: Gosh, since 8th grade. Might have been a little bit before that, but I remember in 8th grade writing a full book at 20k words, which if I might say, is impressive for a thirteen-year-old.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I actually am a security guard at a chemical plant. There is some down time to this job, and I try to spend it writing. I even gush to my boss about the stories I write and where I post, and he is all for supporting me about it. When I am not working or writing, then I am either watching Criminal Minds, Manifest, and movies while in my room. With this COVID thing going on right now, I barely leave my house as it is xD

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? Since season 11 was on TV. It was actually after season 11 had ended and before season 12 had started, so in that four-month span, I managed to watch 11 seasons.

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? Yes! I am in the Marvel and Criminal Minds fandom! I used to be in The Vampire Diaries fandom, but I lost my passion for it so I knew my writing was suffering, so I stopped it. I am doing series rewrites for all three of my fandoms along with one-shots and drabbles!

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it?  Yes, I try to. I took a NaNoWriMo class in college that made me write my first real book, so that is exciting. I also took fiction classes that made me write poems and short stories. I do want to get into writing more original fiction, but right now, I am focusing more on fanfiction.

Favorite published author: I love Riley Sager, B.A. Paris, James Patterson, Ruth Ware, and there are specific books I adore, but they aren’t from the authors I mentioned. I tend to like books rather than authors.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: Vampire Kisses by Ellen Schreiber. That's the book that I mentioned about inspiring me to write, and I dedicate my love for writing to her.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc):  I really enjoy reading fluff, but I enjoy writing angst because I feel I can have a lot more emotions and feels when I write angst.

Favorite piece of your own writing:  My SPN series rewrite. I am currently planning season 7, and I am in the process of releasing season 6. I have gotten so many good reviews of it, and that fuels my passion for it.

Most underrated fic you have written: I can’t think of any at the top of my head. I tend not to look back on my own writing too much. I’ll have an overwhelming need to rewrite it and fix it up, and I don’t need that right now xD

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Is it bad to say my series rewrite? It’s already a show, but I’d like to see my version of the show. If I can’t pick that, then my original fiction novel that I wrote that has over 70k words. That would be pretty cool.

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @impala-dreamer, @torn-and-frayed, @crispychrissy, @kittenofdoomage, @acreativelydifferentlove, @saxxxology, and there are others, but those are some of the people that come to mind.

Favorite fic from another writer: Can I mention a few? Rock, Paper, Scissors by @impala-dreamer, The Curious Incident of Episode 14x09 by @luci-in-trenchcoats, On the Road by @notnaturalanahi, Cherry Surprise by @crispychrissy, A Change of Scenery by @cass-trash, and On the Case Files (Criminal Minds fandom) by @hotchnerfuckmeup​.

Favorite character to write: For Supernatural, it’ll have to be Dean Winchester. For Marvel, it’ll have to be either Loki or Bucky. For Criminal Minds, it’ll have to be Spencer Reid

Favorite Pairing to write: I only write reader-inserts so the characters don’t really matter as long as it’s x reader.

Least favorite character to write (and why): For Supernatural, it’s Crowley. I don’t know why, but I can never seem to get him right. He’s more sadistic and hardcore sometimes and I just can’t get that right.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor?  I don’t really have anyone right now. It used to be my teachers/professors, but I graduated and I don’t see them anymore.

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I want to be a published author. That’s all I want. I want to see my books on the shelves, and I’d also love to be a fiction editor! I can’t do anything right now because of COVID, but hopefully one day!  

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: More than I can count right now. Like seriously, I probably have over 100. I have a bunch of bingo cards that I have ideas for, but I have so many that they all just pile on. There will come a time when I get through all of them, but I don’t know when.

What are you currently working on?  Right now? Some requests and my spn series rewrite.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Like I mentioned above, it’s Ellen Schreiber. She is the one person that made me want to become a writer. Also, all my followers on all of my blogs. They are the truest influencers because they are what gives me passion for my writing.

Best writing advice you've been given: Write as if you’re the only audience. I’ve learned that if you don’t like what you’re writing about, then your audience will certainly see it. You can’t please everyone, so please yourself. There will always be someone who loves your writing for what it is, so don’t go changing it to please others.

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Trying to pace myself. I’ve heard of people spending two or three days (or even longer) on a fic. It’s either all or nothing with me. I either spend two or three hours on a fic and complete it right there and then, or I don’t write it at all. Pacing is an issue for me, and I am always trying to spend longer on a fic. I guess I just type really fast, I don’t know.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? I find that trying to keep the character as canon as possible is most difficult. While it’s not always super hard, it does have its moments. All fanfiction are AUs, so it’s okay to change the characters to make them your own. While I don’t think one should make them the complete opposite if they are wanting to stay within canon, I do believe it’s okay to change a few things around.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I want to write ships. Now that I think about it, I’m not quite sure why I don’t write them. Maybe it’s time that I start.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Feedback!!! Reader’s don’t always see it, but every piece of feedback I get makes me want to write. I do better knowing there are actual people out there that are looking forward to what I write. I do better knowing that real people are reading them and judging it. I do my best knowing that there is an audience. If I don’t get feedback, then that motivation just goes away.

How do you deal with self doubt: I’m not so sure I always do. There is always a voice in the back of my mind telling me that my stories are complete and utter shit, and I shouldn’t bother writing anything. It’s why I take a step back from writing so often. When I first started my blog, I came out with fics every single day. I was always writing new stories. Now, I may get a story out per week. Maybe two per week. I know when it’s time to take a break for a few days because it gives that voice time to calm down. My best advice for someone dealing with self doubt is to just take a break. Separate yourself from the thing that your mind is telling you that you suck at. Take care of you before jumping back into it. Trust me, it helps.

How do you deal with writer's block: Kind of the same thing as I mentioned above. I have suffered from writer’s block a lot more than in my earlier years. Sometimes, I just don’t have the motivation or the passion to write, and I just get so mad at myself for not doing it. One of the things that help me is writing down my ideas. Yeah, I get ideas that float in my head about stories I’d like to write, but actually writing them down makes them concrete. Then, I am able to make notes and side notes and notes of my notes about what I’d like to happen, and before I know it, I’m writing it.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: ALWAYS! Always, always, always plan your writing, especially if you’re doing a series. It’s good to know what is going on in your story. You don’t always have to follow it to the exact detail (you’re allowed to make changes as you go), but having a plan makes it easier to get through your story. You’re able to look back at it and remind yourself why you're writing that exact scene or if something needs to be added or taken away from it. If you have a plan, then you’re less likely to lose that passion since you know what’s going to happen. You’re able to see the finish line well before you start.

Do you have any weird writing habits: This may be weird, but I like to listen to Got U On by Darci feat. Nessly, Highest in the Room by Travis Scott, some music by Juice WRLD, and other loud rap songs. Don’t ask me why, but I find the music soothing when I write. Those rap songs sound the same to me, and their voices just drown out so I’m just listening to the music. There are other kinds of music I listen to like piano instrumentals and rain/thunder sounds, but it’s really any song I can tune out.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? I don’t want to sound arrogant or snobby, but I can honestly say I’ve never received one hateful comment on anything I’ve written (knock on wood xD). I’ve only received good things about my stories, and I think it has something to do with how much good energy I am putting into the world. I believe in karma, and I tend to be nice to everyone regardless of who they are, and I think it comes back to the kind of comments I receive. However, I always think about what I’d do or say if I’ve ever gotten a hate comment. I wouldn’t encourage them to send more hate, but I wouldn’t apologize either. I write the stories I write because it makes me happy. If they don’t like it, they can go somewhere else. Though, I know those hate comments can get to some people, and here is what I have to say about that: remind yourself of when you actually wrote the fic. If you were truly happy about it, then it shouldn’t matter what that person says. You love it, and that’s all that matters.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic?  I have to pick a favorite? XD I have an album in my phone of screenshots I took of my favorite comments left by my followers. I’ve been compared to John Green, there have been comments that thank me for giving them an escape from their realities, people have told me they want to write just like me someday, people have told me that my work has made them smile and get chills, that my stories are the highlight of their week, and a bunch of other stuff. I am just shocked that there are people out there who think this. It means so much to me, and I get tears when I read them because this is literally my dream. I can’t thank my followers enough for the comments they leave, and this is exactly why it’s so important to leave feedback.  

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Write for you. I can’t stress this enough. I’ve mentioned it before, and I’m going to mention it again. If you’re not happy, it will show through your writing. Your audience will see it based on how you word things and your flow of ideas. On another note, please brush up on your grammar. I can’t tell you how many times I read such an interesting summary, and noticed the story was full of grammatical mistakes. It made me not want to read it anymore. I’m sure it was a great story, but I didn’t want to put myself through that just to read it.

[scumbag-monthly]

Hey guys! Evil Ed here bringing you a special PSA. We’re a small fandom here, as you all know, and that means – unfortunately – it’s impossible to avoid drama. Fortunately, it also means that we like, literally hardly ever have it. We’ve been going along pretty fine for the past couple years without much in the way of scalding tea to spill, and I’m grateful for that. We also wanted this blog, and this zine, to be a drama free space, and although we have reassured people of this in the past, I hope I can say truthfully that the zine-blog won’t be cluttered up with anymore of this pointless crap. If you don’t care about any of this, congratulations! You’re a bigger person than any of us, and we’re genuinely thrilled – we hope we can follow your example in the future. If you want the tea, however, it’s under the cut.

About five months ago, give or take, some discourse started in the Scumbag fandom. I’m not going to rehash it here. It is what it is, and it’s more or less in the past. Based on the situation, the “In-House Staff” at Scumbag Monthly (the figureheads behind Electric Boogaloo Publications, who don’t necessarily contribute to the zine every time all the time, but run all the boring unanarchic admin stuff behind the scenes) held a meeting to take stock and determine the situation. Given that the tension was taking place between regular contributors, we all agreed that for the sake of the zine, a decision had to be made, and although it wasn’t an easy decision to make, it was one that we came to for the sake of the zine. I understand that this all sounds very serious and severe for a volunteer run fanzine dedicated to a very niche fandom, but from the start we all unanimously agreed that we would give the zine our all, and run it with the level of dedication and professionality we felt it deserved. With that in mind, it’s also worth noting that despite many of us inhabiting fandom spaces for over a decade, none of us had ever been involved with / close to any kind of discourse before, and I readily admit that we were all well out of our depth.

Some of us were reluctant to take a course of action for fear of hurting anybody’s feelings or making the situation worse. However, I decided that even though R is the acting editor in chief, and has done more for the zine than I ever could, Scumbag Monthly was still my baby, and these were the volunteers – my friends, my family – that I had enlisted to help me. I felt that I had a responsibility to them above all else. So I did something I don’t ever want to do again, I flexed my power as Scumbag Monthly’s creator and made the call.

With regards to the staff members causing drama, I looked at the situation as objectively as I could, and decided that the staff members who had held their posts for the shortest amount of time – two months – and had already missed deadlines in the past, would be asked to leave. Did I make the right call? I like to think so. I felt it was my job to admit that both sides had made mistakes, and make a decision for the sake of the zine and the people who have worked on it since the beginning. Also, by the time the meeting was called and a decision needed to be made, I was aware that numerous people on-staff were feeling anxiety and tension over the situation, without having been directly involved in the original internet. Again, these things ripple, and they are uncomfortable for everyone, and nobody knew how to handle a situation like that. I knew that whatever we decided to do, it needed to prioritise the mental health of the Scumbag staff. I also had to take into account that in the history of the zine as well as the numerous other group collabs I had worked on with these people in the past, there had never been an issue up until this point. I’m sure after this point I’ll be accused of taking a stance with regards to the original drama, or picking sides, or just generally being a biased prick. I assure you I’m not. Again, I made a decision firstly for the sake of the Zine, and secondly for the mental health of the people I care about. I won’t apologise for either of those things.

So, I readily admit that some people were removed from staff. And I will admit my handling of it was less than ideal. It’s worth remembering that this is a thing we do for fun, that we all have lives extending far beyond Tumblr, and we all have stuff going on. In a spectacular case of bad timing, I had a mental health episode that demanded my attention, and although I had already taken a break from Tumblr at that point I needed to take another step back. Again, I’m not gonna apologise for having a life outside the internet.

For perhaps the hundredth time, I relied on R to steady the fallout, because out of us two she has always been the more stable, dependable, responsible one. At no point did I think that she would ultimately become directly attacked based on what was ultimately due to my crumbling mental health. If I had, I assure you, I would have gone full human shield mode and kept her out of the situation as best I could. Again, it may not have been my drama, but I felt I had an obligation to the zine and to the people who supported me in its creation.

If I could have done things differently, I would have contacted the people involved and informed them that they were no longer on staff. I admit that it was immature to not contact them, but at the time my personal life was a mess and Tumblr drama was the last thing on my mind. We were all shaken up, and nobody was feeling 100%. Following my decision to remove some people from staff, we agreed (as an Electric Boogaloo Collective, if you like) that although those people would not be blocked from either the zine-blog or the Ao3 feed, the staff were well within their rights to block anyone who was giving them unnecessary anxiety in a place that was supposed to be their safe space – that is, their own Tumblr blogs. We agreed that the people in question would also be allowed to submit and post to the zine, just not hold a collaborative place on staff that would result in unnecessary friction. I like to think that this is the kind of action that would be carried out in a professional setting, although I have no way of knowing for sure.

Based on the situation, many of the Boogaloos decided to block those involved on their personal blogs, because they did not feel they could handle the risk of anymore drama in a place that, for them, was supposed to be sacred. I supported this decision wholeheartedly, as did R. When R made the decision to block these people on her personal blog as well, I supported her too, because despite the brave face she was putting on I could tell that the situation had upset her deeply, especially since all parties involved were people she considered her friends and she felt like she had failed in keeping the fandom together. I couldn’t stomach the thought of her feeling like any of this was her fault, especially since all she has ever done in this fandom is try to make everyone feel welcome and included, and has done her best to be diplomatic about this entire ridiculous situation. She made the decision (possibly for the first time ever, may I say) to put her mental health first, and I am fiercely and incredibly proud of her. In an act of solidarity, I made the decision to block those in question from theevilesteviled, aka the Dump, aka my personal blog on Tumblr.

However, I still took notice when one of the parties in question reblogged a recent Scumbag Monthly post. Frankly, I was surprised that after five months there was still a degree of tension, but was informed by some other staff members that there had still been some drama going on for quite some time. I was deeply upset by this, especially when I saw just how much R had been flamed and blamed for choosing to put her mental health first, and how she had essentially been thrown under the bus for what was ultimately my call. That isn’t fair, and I blame myself.

If you’re still here - after this long ass rambling post of nothing – you may want to consider picking up a day job or some kind of hobby, ha-ha. But if you are still here, with me, under the cut, (and I hope at least somebody will be) I have a request. Come flame me if you want – all G my dudes, I can take it. Hell, I might even deserve some of it for handling this whole situation with the grace and dignity of an upside down bullfrog. But leave R out of it – she didn’t do shit. Anyone on staff will tell you that 99.9% of R’s job is cleaning up after my messes and sorting out my meltdowns. She has been endlessly compassionate and patient with me, and imo, extremely patient about this entire situation, despite how much its bothering her. Furthermore, leave the zine out of it. It’s just an internet fanmag at the end of the day. It’s for fun. That’s all. There’s no deep hidden meaning, no magic codes behind the word searches, no hidden agenda. We’re a fanmag. We like The Young Ones. It’s really not that deep.

[inkwell-attitude]

Liebster Award

The ever-wonderful @ettawritesnstudies nominated me for this! Thank you so much, it means so much to me that you would consider me for it! I always love any way to spread some positivity and encouragement through the community :D

Etta explained the award as “similar to a writeblr tag game meant to introduce you to new blogs and get to know the authors behind them!” She was the one who brought it to tumblr, since it originated in blogs/writer’s websites.

Rules: 1. Thank the blogger that nominated you 2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you 3. Nominate 11 bloggers 4. Ask your nominees 11 questions 5. Notify your 11 nominees

Questions: 1. What’s your favourite part about the writing community?

I love the support everyone always gives to everyone else! Everyone I’ve seen has given nothing but support and enthusiasm for both their writing and others writing, and it really makes me happy to see such a wonderful community. 

2. Do you prefer writing dialogue or description, and why?

I prefer description because I love the whimsy I can add to it. Being able to concoct a scene and describe things in ways other than “the sky was blue, the grass was green” is lots of fun. I’m also kind of bad at conversations irl (between my ADD and my minor stutter, I don’t tend to finish a lot of sentences lol) and I think that rolls over into my writing a little bit and makes dialogue a bit harder for me to figure out.

3. Do you have any creative hobbies outside of writing, and how did you get into them?

I am a self-proclaimed proud jack of all trades because I see a craft or activity and MUST try it out. My brain sees a tactile hobby and goes feral. I just really enjoy learning new things :D The recurring hobbies are drawing and very minor animations, but I also have been into embroidery, polymer clay, woodworking (miniatures eeeyyy) and cake decorating? 

4. When was the last time you had a good night’s sleep?

Two nights ago? I usually get 7.5-8.5 hours of sleep because I just can’t function without sleep. Idk if you can call it a good nights sleep because I tend to wake up several times during the night (how many times is too many?) but I don’t usually have trouble falling asleep.

5. Are you reading/watching/listening to anything right now that you’re excited about?

I’m watching Ann with an E with my mom right now and it’s delightful! it’s a very very lovely show and it’s made me want to re-read the book.

I’m also keeping up with the Dream SMP minecraft series, and lemme tell you I have not been this emotionally invested in a story for a LONG time. Sure, I’ve been excited about some things in the last few months, but I don’t think I’ve really been attached to a story and characters like this for a while. (Plus, every single fanart and fan animation I’ve seen has been tremendously well done and more often than not gets me emotional lmao)

6. What’s your favourite YouTube channel?

I don’t know if I have a favourite? Because I hop around between interests so often I tend to change up my subscriptions a lot, too. Currently, I really like Cheyenne Barton, Technoblade, GeminiTay, and Annika’s leaf

7. What writing advice would you give your younger self?

DO WRITING SPRINTS! This is one of my favourite things now and it’s helped break the habit of “write one sentence, edit it, write another sentence, edit it, delete the first and re-write it” habit. Plus, it’s just a really good exercise to stretch your creativity.

8. What’s your opinion on color coding?

top notch! I think sometimes it can be overdone (throwback to jr. high me color coding everything in my notes to the extent that it was detrimental to my studying) but it really helps me out with things. I color-code vocab words and important persons in my class notes now :D

9. Is there a specific theme or aesthetic that underlies all your stories?

If there is, I haven’t seen it. I think it’s funny that Odds & Ends and The Paths That Bind are actually kind of similar (so far) except one is lighthearted feel-good comedy, and one is corruption and angst and trauma :’) Maybe there will be similar themes, but they’re both in the beginning stages so it hasn’t shown up yet.

10. How many WIPs do you have?

I actually only have two WIPs! I have a few other concepts I’d like to explore in the future, but they’re currently sitting as one-sentence explanations in my notes folder and will probably stay that way until I figure out a more solid plan for Odds & Ends and The Paths That Bind. My irl schedule is very hectic and I’m an inherently tired person, so I’m trying to be more intentional with creative projects and realistic on which ones I want to be able to dedicate my time to.

11. What’s your wildest dream as a creator? (For example, do you want to see fanart of your ocs, have a movie made of your book, etc.)

I adore the idea of someone making an animatic or one of those lyric comic things (idk what they’re called) for The Paths That Bind. So much of it is inspired by music and I’d love to see other people’s takes on the history and events of the story and which songs they would associate with it.

Questions for my wonderful nominees!

1. What’s the earliest story you remember writing? How old were you? 2. Are any of your characters “comfort characters” for yourself? 3. What’s your go-to snack? 4. How do you visualize your wips? Movie-format? Animatic? Comic? 5. What’s your favorite part of each season? 6. Would you rather one (or all) of your wips be made into a movie/tv show or a graphic novel series? 7. Is there a particular form of imagery or symbolism that recurs a lot in your stories? 8. What’s a book (or book series) that you absolutely adore and wish everyone would read? 9. Tell us about your favorite video game and why you love it! (If you don’t game, tell us about another hobby you adore!) 10. What’s the last dream you remember having? 11. How has your writing changed from when you first started? (We all get better, but have you noticed any distinct changes? More/less dialogue, different kind of descriptions, different narrative styles?)

Here are 11 wonderful, talented writers I’ve met here, and everyone should absolutely check out their blogs!

@aelenko 

@uraniumwriting

@hueynomure

@writingamongthecoloredroses

@musings-and-writings

@stardustspiral

@druidx73

@eurydice-is-gone 

@atomic-insomnia 

@chloeswords 

@hannahs-creations

[himboskywalker]

There’s literally no reason to be so fucking snippy with your fans. Someone like you should be grateful to get as much attention as you do to answer questions people ask because your writing is apparently subpar enough nobody knows what’s going on. you don’t even respond on Ao3 and apparently its because you can’t take criticism of you fucking act like this

??????????????????

I didn’t realize I was being rude to people?????But hey bud,how about if you want to come at me fists swinging you come off anon and face me like you actually have a spine.

I have never once minded answering people’s questions and it doesn’t offend me in the least when my readers are confused or want to know more,it means one of two things,that I need to sharpen my writing and do better,or that I simply haven’t reached that point in my story yet and it’s plot you guys will find out in due time.Constructive criticism doesn’t bother me at all,in fact I’m very grateful when I receive it because it points out weak points in my writing and makes me a better writer.I sat through four fucking years of critical writing round tables,a public panel for my writing portfolio,my undergraduate thesis,and every academic paper I have presented at a conference as a graduate student.What I fucking do professionally is take criticism on my writing and research and every opportunity to receive it I am grateful and I appreciate people taking the time to give it to me.But this my dude,just so you know,is not constructive criticism.

I am sorry you think I’ve been snappy,I certainly haven’t meant it that way.I appreciate every comment,ask,and response you guys give me and I try to dedicate as much time as I can to giving you guys thorough and nuanced answers.But honestly,sometimes I don’t have the time.And yes,I don’t generally respond to comments on my stories on ao3 unless someone has asked me a direct question because I don’t have time.Every single chapter update I write is a minimum of 10 typed microsoft pages and often I am updating two fics a week,which means I am writing an average of 8,000-10,000 words a week just for my fanfiction,that takes time.On top of that I run this blog and I try to always respond to people and I try to stay active on discord and guess what???I also have a life outside of my tumblr and ao3.I have lots of family and lots of friends and lots of hobbies,I’m also getting my masters degree and finishing a fucking +100 page historical thesis.I do this because I love it and I love this community and I love Star Wars, not because I owe you anything.

[dcvescameron]

it’s meme time

How long have you been roleplaying? okay so by technical definition I would say since roughly 2010. I started dabbling in it around 2009, when I discovered a forum for people who wrote as Warrior Cat ocs. I had never had any experience and was doing it all wrong probably but I had tons of fun. Then I had a friend who I knew from middle school who had a Peter Pan twitter that was interacting with other characters and was like hey I wanna do that!! From there it went to Starkid’s Draco Malfoy to actual Draco Malfoy to Lily Evans, and I would say that she really started what I would consider rping for me.

What are your hobbies outside of writing? Not...much? I watch youtube videos. I play video games sometimes. Writing has been such an integral part of my life since I was able to string sentences together on a page and it’s something I’ve literally always wanted to do with my life, so even when I’m not writing on tumblr I’m working on my own personal stuff.

Do you have any pets? Tell us about them! I have three! My dog Copper and my cats Minerva and Tinkerbell. Copper we’ve had since Feb 2010 and we adopted him shortly after I finished a trumpet solo district competition. He’s lived in two different states and is ten years old by now. Minerva is five years old, and we got her from a neighbor when her mother’s cat had kittens. She’s not super social and doesn’t like people unless they’re my mom or she’s in heat, but I still love her. Tinkerbell is a year old and is the most adorable demon. One minute she’s on my lap and purring and the next she’s tearing apart the carpeting in front of my bathroom.

If you had a month of free time to learn to do something new, what would you choose? I would like to do something athletic. But I’m the kind of person where I hate not being good at something right away, so it would be a struggle. It’s why I’m not a very athletic person to begin with.  Or something creative that I haven’t tried yet, like knitting or something. But again, not being good at something right away puts me off trying. 

Do you listen to music while you write? What are three songs on your playlist? It depends? I get really distracted. Not by the noise, per say, but by the music. I always need to find the perfect song and spend more time thinking about that than about the writing. I do, however, have a playlist dedicated to Dove and Luke’s Christmas engagement that yes, is mostly Frank Sinatra Christmas songs. 

What’s a favorite recent youtube video/channel? my Youtube tastes are all over the place tbh. Over the past year my subscription feed has had a complete overhaul. I’ve been watching jacksfilms since high school, but my current faves are GameGrumps, jacksepticeye, Drew Gooden, Kurtis Conner, Danny Gonzales. I also watch a lot of Buzzfeed Unsolved and Dead Meat which is horror based. Plus I am COMPLETELY obsessed with Defunctland (and Defuncttv) and Yesterworld. They’re super informative and interesting if you’re a big nerd for theme parks and Disney history.

Tell us one random fact about you! I used to be a band kid! I did concert band for four years and the rise in band content on tik tok makes me miss it sometimes. I know I wouldn’t be any good anymore since I kept having to do basic beginning things because of the nature of my later band classes and I haven’t really played in ten years and my sister’s boyfriend has my trumpets, but I do miss it.

Who is an FC you’ve always wanted to use but haven’t yet? oof honestly I do not know? I’ve never seen an fc in the distance and thought soon because I always try to take opportunities to play FCs where I can. I would love to play more male fcs though. I’m not good at guys in rp and I really want to try to challenge myself to try one of these days.

What’s a plot you’ve always wanted to write but haven’t yet? this is a tough one! Longevity in rp means that I’ve done tons of plots over the years. As far as fiction rps (not celeb based) I’m interested in doing a Youtber type character, or a washed up celeb character. I write a lot of home grown, townie type characters and I’ve never written someone in that position.

Do you have a favorite plot you’ve seen someone else in the group do I loved the ‘whoops we got married in Vegas’ plot for @evanpeaters​​ and @goodlourd​​. It’s the perfect kinda slow burn that’s so subtle it’s incredible. 

Who on the dash makes you smile? everyoooneee. You’re all so lovely and getting to write with you over the past year and a half has been a privilege. 

What is your favorite memory in the group? Again, it’s just been meeting all of the incredible people here. Staying up late and talking and laughing about plots and things when it is way past my bedtime are the parts of rp that I enjoy the most and it’s always so special finding people to bond with in that way. I’ve been in groups where I feel like I’m sitting on the outside so being able to sit within the circle and feel like I’m part of something special where I’ve met some of my closest friends is so nice.

What’s your favorite thing about your celeb(s)? Each of the women I play are equal parts silly and determined. They are able to make fun of themselves and be loose and goofy while still standing up for things that they believe in and opening up about things that they are passionate about. It’s something I hope to emulate in my every day life because I know I take myself far too seriously. 

What’s a plot you miss? I kinda miss AJ and Michael, because tbh anything @hqnessa​​ and I write together is pure magic, and it was so unexpected and out of left field that I miss being able to look at the future of that.

What would you love to see this group do in the future? As far as events, I like when there’s different locations besides the usual tropical island. It feels more laid back and I like that kinda vibe

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

I received a question longer than 8 parts that I’m going to post here (it was off anon, so I’m not revealing the identity of the question asker). I’m not going to answer it because my FAQ very clearly sets an 8 question limit and also as you will see it didn’t actually provide a lot of useful information despite the length. I am however going to talk through some of the issues, specifically relating to unnecessary information. Needless to say this will be a very long post hence the read more link.

Before I begin I want to give the origins of the 8 question limit:

-it’s an arbitrary number. felt it was generous and iirc I did go back and look at some past questions to see what was on the longer but still reasonable side

-I did it mainly because copying and pasting each individual question is tedious and also there is a limit to how much I’d like to read and also some people see ‘no more than 8 parts’ and instead of interpreting this as “I should edit myself as thoughtfully as possible” say “I should expand whatever I have to say to 8 parts long, even if it really is only 6 parts worth of material” so 8 was a number I could live with.

-I have yet to find an 8+ part question that couldn’t have been edited to a much shorter question while still keeping the same amount, case in point:

I'm asking for outside help because I've been on a hamster wheel for years where I believe I found my type get happy for a couple hours/days, find all the "signs" of me being that type all along and then...wake up not believing it. Or I see/read something that type is supposed to do/think like that doesn't fit me at al, or see someone I'd like to be like that it's another type and start digging again. I desperately need to arrive at a final typing because it's driving me crazy, I can't quit 1/9

Any preamble that amounts to “could you please type me” can be summarized to “could you please type me?”, a 5 -word phrase. This might however be the preamble that hits the most of my “oh I do not want to engage with this” buttons though:

Long and pleading which makes me kind of uncomfortable, like I do not know you and I don’t handle pleading and begging well anyway

Overinvestment in figuring out their type when often it’s times like this when taking an extended break from MBTI would likely be the best thing for you and indeed your overemphasis in getting an answer rather than learning about yourself might be what’s making it so hard to type

Also when someone says they’ve been trying and trying for years I get nervous because there is a very real chance they’re going to say a lot of stuff that is consciously or unconsciously pulled directly from MBTI descriptions and it’s going to be absolutely useless to work with.

[I should note for this and the rest of my criticism: I have, obviously a whole lot of preferences and dislikes and expecting you to cater to all of them would be completely ridiculous. Had this been an 8-part question I would have answered it, even if that answer might have been “I can’t tell”. As is, however, I’m hoping this might serve as some insight into how to make your question as good as possible which as a bonus will make me more likely to spend lots of time on it because I will be impressed and delighted by your effort.]

When interested in something I gotta find out how it works, or how it’s made. I find that as interesting as the thing itself. I see the way different elements can influence each other in arriving at a certain outcome, and I make decisions according to it. I trust my own reading of what’s probably going on. I trust patterns, things are often connected, not a coincidence. I usually judge fast and hard. I can change my mind very quickly if new facts comes in, but I’m very rarely neutral or 2/9

Some examples would be nice. I mean maybe this person is intuitive and maybe a thinker, although that first preamble didn’t sound very thinker to me, but also everything here is purely in the realm of subjectivity. Obviously we’re going to be subjective about ourselves, but a big part of why I want examples is that it forces people to not say stuff that sounds like it’s ripped directly from a type description.

or uncertain about things/people.I don’t like to make promises because of independence and not wanting to promise what I can’t deliver. I dedicate so much time to my personal hobbies I forget my chores. I tend to get obsessed in finding an answer to something until I get so dizzy/overwhelmed I’m forced to step back (typing myself in different theories is the best example). Hate to see people passing on wrong information and therefore misleading others. I gotta step up and correct them. 3/9

This is fine, I’d still like clearer and more specific examples but it’s fine; the one criticism is when someone starts taking about how they approach MBTI as an example in typing them it’s like PLEASE DO A HOBBY THAT ISN’T ABOUT NAVEL-GAZING, IT WILL IRONICALLY BE MORE HELPFUL.

I have very high standards, specially towards myself. My pride is heavily tied to being great at the things I care about, or am expected to perform. Really can’t stand biased judgements and behaviour by others, and police it in myself too. Truth is my #1 value. I have a natural thirst for and ease at handling a lot of data about whatever I’m interested in. One of biggest pet peeves is resistance to facts. I’m highly observant of things and people around me, there’s so much information I get 4/9

 Okay this sounds kind of like a repeat/rephrasing of a lot of the information in the first two actual content parts (talking about interests, thirst for knowledge, judgement), and editing that down probably could have saved you an ask space thus getting you your answer. If you find yourself running long, go back and see if you are repeating yourself. I do this a lot! When I make blog posts here I don’t care, because this is my place and I do what I want, but I have a tendency to ramble in emails too and I always do a second pass if it’s longer than a paragraph to make sure all the information in there is helpful in making the point I need to make and isn’t repetitive (unless my point is DON’T FORGET THIS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD in which case some thoughtful repetition is often good).

advice, or cried in front of others myself so I can’t relate.I’m very open minded when it comes to physical differences, cultures, orientations etc. But I have a Strong sense of wrong and right that when crossed leads to indignation and promptly “cancealing” people, cutting them off my life. I felt very uneasy when I realized that things I felt a connection to (favorite color, number, animal, flower) lost their meaning to me. Logically I know it’s not a big deal, but it felt like I lost 6/9

so I think we lost a question here (I got 9 questions, but the last question said 10/10) which is another reason to keep it short – fewer opportunities for tumblr to eat it. Although, had two questions been eaten by Tumblr I would have probably answered this, but that’s probably not a gamble you want to make. Anyway this is emphasizing the strong judgements again, and a little emphasis is actually fine – it helps me know what is really important to you – but again, if you’re running long that should be a thing to cut, after the unnecessary preamble.

something. .I need to express my thoughts/opinions, but my feelings are private.I have a huge fear of failure that holds me back. I’m terrified of finding out I suck at what I’d love to do, so I keep that as a fantasy and don’t try it out, to not kill the possibility. I have self sabotaged to keep myself in “safe” spaces but I have realized the reason I’ve been so restless is because I have to honor my ambitions which have always been big and bold. Mistakes and deficiencies jump out at me 7/9

 The information here is mostly fine (although again with the expressing and strong feelings), but it’s also again without examples. There have been precious few examples here, and that’s really difficult to type from – again, I’m not saying it’s easy or even fully possible to be objective about yourself, but sometimes people say “I have a thirst for knowledge” and it means they are pursuing a PhD in philosophy, and sometimes it means they are someone who thinks that reading Wikipedia pages is a personality. [brief aside on that – I don’t want to say reading Wikipedia pages is bad. It’s not. I do it. Yesterday I was interested in how African prints were made and I looked up the Wikipedia page on them, which after a few clicks into related subjects brought me to a page about the androgynous water deity Olukun who originated in Yoruba faith traditions, and it was super interesting. But like…this is just a thing most generally curious people do and not a particularly unique or special indicator that you are smart, which is how it often seems to be intended.] Anyway my point is: examples, examples, examples. If you give specific examples I will be so much happier and more excited to type you because I actually feel like I can say something meaningful.

like neon, I can make very precise and detailed of anything’s quality in seconds. I have little patience with people that are not interested in improvement or resist positive change. Something that drives me nuts is lack of punctuality and money managing skills. I’m very annoyed by unrealistic people that ignore logic or constraints like resources. I’m equally impatient with people who only operate on what’s on the surface and is accepted as true: people who never question the common sense 8/9

Again there’s just…no examples. There’s also been a lot about what this person likes and doesn’t like about other people, and that would better be taken up by information (and examples!) about themself.

or status quo, that trust everything authorities” or the media tells them and never do their own research.I often don’t feel the need to actually do things to see if they’ll work, or try things out to see if I’ll like them. I’m pretty certain of things even before I experience them. I’m not inclined to be diplomatic and persuade. I convince by proving something with evidence, or making they see reason through logic argumentation, and point out possible consequences of choices. I compare 9/9

I’m always a little skeptical of people who think The Media is a monolith, just in general, but that’s neither here nor there. Also, here’s a reason why examples are useful – they provide context into the situation which addresses the very natural conflicts within people, vs. this: “I often don’t feel the need to actually do things to see if they’ll work, or try things out to see if I’ll like them. I’m pretty certain of things even before I experience them” coming from someone who just claimed they value truth above all. Like…this is at least in my opinion the opposite of what someone who values truth would say, because a person who values truth would check if things worked. Which isn’t to say this person is lying – but it means I’m going to have trouble because without, ironically enough, any evidence, which they say they like to use, I don’t know which of those conflicting statements is true or even if they are truly in conflict and just situationally dependent.

things/people a lot naturally because the similarities (and disparities) between them jump out. It’s hard for me to be really surprised at things, or at a person’s character.I’m impatient with learning and doing things that involve many steps/processes. I want to learn everything fast and am just now learning to grow discipline to stick to things in the long run if I don’t see quick progress. I find half baked concepts and theories very annoying, I don't like much ambivalence or vagueness 10/10

I don’t like much ambivalence or vagueness either, but here we are. Also, saying that you tend not to stick with things in the long run and are just developing the ability to do so if you don’t see quick progress does kind of make me have questions about you desperately trying to figure out your MBTI type for years as claimed before. Less is more because it gives you fewer opportunities to contradict yourself.

 Anyway, the takeaway: keep your preamble short (seriously - almost every time someone goes over the 8-part limit it’s at least partially because they talked about their MBTI typing journey for 1-2 asks when a single well-phrased sentence would be far more useful), keep your examples concrete and specific, focus on yourself more than what you think of others, and read what you wrote before sending it to me.

[schroedingersk8]

15. Let Me Draw You A Pie Chart

Or  Why I Refuse To Date For Free. 

I have written this post as a personal opinion, but I think it would be of tremendous use to my fellow Dommes and International Women of Mystery, as a read and perhaps a thought experiment, too. If you have any questions, please contact me via K8Morgan.com

I have woken up today, and have decided to dedicate my inaugural 2020 dating blog post to what is bound to become a very a prickly subject -- remunerated dating. Thing is, that yesterday, before going to bed, I have posted a three-line response to an anonymous question, and woke up to an anonymous answer in a scandalised line of “how dare I?” :)

And I laughed to myself, but also thought that, in this day and age of #mansplaining and with my work as a Dominatrix shrouded in all kinds of myths, maybe I ought to do a bit of #dommesplaining (I am very proud of this hashtag, btw!) and show exactly how, and why I dare. So, my dear, let me draw you a pie chart: 

This is my pie chart of life. 

Are you with me so far? Am I condescending enough? 

You can read it as a day, month, year, etc -- this is an entire life-flow, and I have organised it, for myself, in in the following manner:

There is “Me time” -- a pleasant tea on a sunny bar terrace, a visit to a SPA, upkeeping my good looks -- manicures, haircuts, meditation, just 20 minutes of quiet nothingness to myself. Then there are “Vanilla Life Obligations”-- doing a food shop, waiting for deliveries, arranging household needs, plumbers, boiler revisions, own health check up, cat health check ups, getting paperwork done, etc. Then we come to “Active Hobbies and Social Obligations” -- things I enjoy doing outside of the house -- maybe an opera visit, a museum stroll, a theatre performance, a gallery opening, gym, walk in the park, an excursion, a friend’s birthday party, or crisis counselling, or just a few beers with gossip et al. We also have “Passive Indoor Hobbies” -- things I usually do in the comfort of my own home -- reading classics by the fireplace, covered in Feline Overlords, watching some telly, taking a bath...you get the drift. And then, there is “WORK”. Want to venture a guess and pick which one is which? 

How well did you do? It is, of course, a very rough estimate. But this is how I have arranged my life. 

As you notice, there is no pie slice for “romantic relationship” because for me it is not a necessity. I am very happy with my current life, and 2020 will mark 9 years of me being “emotionally single” and “self-partnered”. Would it be nice to have a relationship? Maybe. But at this point it will be coming at the cost of other things. And I am not willing to surrender those things. Should I skip a visit to El Prado because you want your knob polished for free? Should I stop seeing my friends and family, who have been with me for years, because your ego needs continuous attention for the following 3 weeks, every time you come home from work? Should I banish my cats to an animal shelter because your balls need free shining? No? Then the only thing that has to give is my work time allocation.

“Pah, you dedicate too much time to work!” -- I hear you scoff. Now, have you met many self-employed/entrepreneurial people? Do they spend 30 min a day, only, on their projects? Let me remind you that DOMMEWORK IS WORK. S#X WORK IS WORK. If I were doing a PhD, would you whinge about my time allocation to studying? 

My work is something that brings me joy, my work is something that I find challenging, stimulating and fun. My work is something that pays my bills. All those things are already more than what I can say about your contribution to my life so far. 

And, as any work, it gets even more detailed:

I do not know if you can see it well in the picture, but my work currently consists of seven parts:

Research and Development -- studying marketing and pricing trends, consumer behaviour, strategies, new BDSM fabs, new media tendencies.

Implementation -- with the results of research and development in mind, making website updates, skill updates, new inventory and alike.

Analytics -- establishing what worked, what worked best, and what did not work at all, and changing things accordingly.

Work Admin -- reading and answering all your emails and inquiries, about sessions, pricing, availability, and about chances to date me for free.

Business Admin -- taxes, forms, rebates, etc etc etc.

Social Media Maintenance -- social media is the pipeline from where I get my clients, and no maintenance = no new clients.

Actual Sessions or Tours -- the time actually spent in sessions or preparing for sessions.

This, above, is a VERY rough estimate of what currently goes into my work. This does not even include the work I do for my fan sites. This is just the most basic task allocation in the most basic idea that you might have of my work. 

Yes, I am self employed, but the world these days places same requirements on the one-person-flying-circus as they do on corporations. Everybody expects me to post pretty pictures a few times a day. Everybody expects me to provide customer service. Government expects me to pay taxes. Anyone with a New Year’s Resolution to “date me this year” expects a reply, and then an even longer reply of “why not?” Clients expect me to look my best. To succeed in industry I need to be on top of the tendencies. And to be proud of my work I expect myself to do my absolute best. 

And yes, I HAVE to do everything myself. As such, I employ a cat nanny/cleaner so I can spend few more hours per week learning and studying. Yes, I do as well as I do because I DELIVER on most expectations. And I am able to DELIVER on them because of meticulous hard work that I put in, today and every day, into my business. (Tumblr is part of my Business Profile, by the way, otherwise I wouldn’t be spending time on it. For example, I deemed Instagram no longer cost effective after 3 years as it was not worth the time I had to put into it in terms of prospective client growth, so I stopped using it, at 50K+ followers.) 

As I hope you understand (I simply cannot draw a more basic pie chart!), any reduction in time I spend doing my work results in less income for me. Now, DommeWork, in terms of my age, and in terms of my looks, is an enterprise limited in time. Whatever I save is my future pension, it is my future cash flow, it is my nest egg, for when I retire. Why should I deprive myself of that, so that you could get your knob polished for free? Why SHOULD I make less money for myself just so you can save YOUR money??? 

“Oh, you only have dollar signs in your eyes, you do not value me as a person and as just an cash machine!” -- No, my dear, my stance on “free dating” has absolutely NOTHING to do with you, or how I view or value YOU. But it has EVERYTHING to do with how I view MYSELF, how I VALUE MYSELF, and how I VALUE MY TIME.  Even to give you, a man from the Internet who thinks I owe him free dating, a try for a month, and dedicate 20% of my work time, to you, instead of work, will result in a 20% reduction in MY income the following month. Now, 20% of my average monthly income is roughly my monthly rent. So, I should give up my ENTIRE month’s rent in order to see whether you are worth it? While you do not think you should be paying for dating?

And, what exactly is “it”? The funny thing is that in the “best case scenario” of us moving in together and living happily ever after, you would occupy at least half of my time, ever pushing for more, costing me a 50% reduction of income (that’s TWO ENTIRE RENTS) to then just have to contribute “your fair share” of HALF THE RENT!!! 

So, you are down HALF the rent, while I am down TWO RENTS AND A HALF! And when you yelp “but what about love, love should be free, it is priceless, a relationship should be about two equals!” this is exactly how much YOUR priceless love, by the roughest estimate of the projected loss of earnings based on time allocation is going to cost ME, per month. TWO AND A HALF RENTS. While you insist it should be FREE for you because it is priceless! Show me the equality in that relationship, you equal rights champion you! Where is it? Or is it like in Orwell’s “Animal Farm”, some pigs should be more “equal” than the others? I mean, really???

Do we need another chart to explain to you the “bigger-smaller, up-close or far-away” concepts? Because your parents should have explained it to you when you were about 4 years old... 

“Yeah, well, other women do not expect me to pay them to date them!” -- I do not know what to say to that  -- maybe they value themselves less. Maybe they have too much free time on their hands and are bored. Maybe they cannot entertain themselves. Maybe they need help watching Netflix. Maybe their rents are so high in relation to their overall income that half a rent or half the mortgage for them is worth the trouble. Maybe the contribution they think you will make to their life is worth it for them. Or maybe they need to take a look at my pie charts themselves? In any case, if free dating is what you want, you should address your needs towards them, not me. 

So, my dear, as I dash to my drinks and tapas with friends, as it is a beautiful Sunday afternoon -- and I had to push back my attendance by an hour to finish writing my work blog post to address the topic raised too many times this week alone -- let me give you a word of advice. Before you get your panties in a knot and get thinking of what you can get from me for free -- ask yourself a very hard question: what can you really contribute?

No one, under the penalty of the EU copyright laws, is allowed to use or reproduce my blog or individual posts, or even passages, in any way, shape or form, be it for Netflix series, Amazon books, or anything of the kind, regardless of the credit given. If you have any questions, you may contact me via K8Morgan.com

[amysubmits]

Hi! I’m graduating college soon, and I’m terrified about finding a job I don’t hate. I really related to your post in which you said that your identity wasn’t tied to your career and it made you feel guilty. I don’t love my major and I don’t see it as a passion. It’s fine and I don’t hate it, but I’m worried about finding a job that will work for me without being too taxing on my mental health. If you don’t mind sharing, how did you find a job you like? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry.

You aren’t prying no worries :). I don’t share specifics of what my job is because I try to stay somewhat anonymous here on Tumblr. But basically, I had something I was just doing as a hobby but people saw what I was doing and started asking if they could pay me to make things for them. So eventually I realized I could turn the hobby into a job by taking custom orders. So that’s what I did. Seems how it is related to a hobby, I like it a lot more than I think I could like any traditional job. However, when you turn a hobby into a job it does become a job. At least, for me it did - I know some claim if you love what you do it will never feel like work. For me, turning my hobby into a full job requires that I do a lot of additional stuff that I wouldn’t have to do if it were just a hobby. So those things aren’t fun and are definitely work. And when you’re a creative person it’s not as fun to do something with someone else’s specific requests in mind as it is to just make it exactly how you feel like making it. Especially if you think their preferences are kinda lame. 🤭 But still...I am really grateful to not have to work a ‘regular’ job. I was also lucky to have a partner who was willing and able to financially support us while I made that transition into making the hobby into an income. So I definitely was really privileged in that sense and I know that isn’t the case for a lot of people. Though maybe if CD wasn’t there to support us financially I still could have made the transition into self-employment by just doing so very slowly?

I am cautious about how much I share about CD job wise too...but I can say that he’s working in a position that interests him now, even though he doesn’t have the degree that the position ‘should’ require. He gained the knowledge and skills needed for the job on his own, using the internet. You can basically learn anything you want online if you really want to, it just takes a lot of discipline. He learned what he needed to learn online and practiced the skills on his own, and managed to prove himself capable for the job he wanted after starting off in a lower-level position from the same employer. 

So...I guess I’m saying two things. 1) Look at your hobbies and really dig deep and think outside of the box to see if they can be twisted into a job. It probably won’t be as awesome as just doing that thing as a hobby but it’s still probably pretty cool compared to most jobs. Or 2) Your degree not being exactly what you want to do doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go back to school in order to change your career path. If you can think of an existing job that you would like more but don’t have the degree for, you may be able to educate yourself and work your way into the position you want in time if you’re dedicated enough to making it happen, sometimes it can. I do think this route requires really advocating for yourself strongly though. 

[connor-murphy-trash]

Connor Murphy X Reader

AN: I have been having a rough past few days so I wanted some Connor fluff. This is roughly based on how my girlfriend and I met, online and in person. So for me, this is double the fluff. It brought up a lot of memories. So this is dedicated to her. I hope you enjoy! (Its also almost 3:30 am so I’m sorry if anything is worded weirdly or anything haha)

TW: Brief mentions of mental illness/suicidal thoughts and being high (It does not go into any details of any of these)

Word Count: 1,548 (I got a bit carried away oops)

Type: Fluff

You and Connor met online

Tumblr to be exact

When he started following you

You checked out his blog to make sure he wasn’t some creep or porn bot

You found that you both posted similar stuff

And you had a lot of the same interests and hobbies

So you followed back

A few days later

Connor was a bit depressed and wanted to talk to someone

So he didn’t feel so alone

But he didn’t really have any real life friends he could just randomly hit up

And the ones he could have were all busy

So he decided to DM you

He didn’t expect to get a response

Why would you want to talk to a random person on the internet?

Little did he know you were also depressed and lonely that day

So you guys started talking a bit more over the next few days

You learned a lot about each other

One of those things was that you lived only 3 hours away from each other

You expected him to say he was from across the country or something

So you thought it was cool that if you wanted you could meet up so easily

But at this point, you didn’t know each other anywhere near well enough to even be thinking about that

Over the course of the next few weeks, you two grew extremely close

Honestly, you were developing a slight crush on Connor

Okay, maybe more than just a slight crush

So much so that

Your heart would go “akajidnsjkyuso” everytime you heard your Tumblr DMs go off

And you would rush to your phone

All you wanted to do was talk to him

Connor understood you and your troubles more than anyone

You could send him a huge rant at 2 am

And he would be right there to help you through whatever issue you were dealing with

Whether it was mental health issues

Or family drama

Or anything at school

He would listen and try to help

He cared when no one else did

And you did the exact same thing for him

You made him feel so special

Like he was wanted

Like he was needed

You never belittled him for his bad thoughts or actions

Whenever he thought he might do something stupid

You would talk him down

You were each other's main support systems

One day you posted something on your blog being like

“Wow I love being so unloveable”

Or something like that

You were depressed and lonely

And just ranting

But Connor was a bit high when he saw that

So he decided to send you an anonymous ask

“I have the biggest crush on you. You probably won't ever feel the same about me, but you are loved.”

To say you were shooketh™,

Was an understatement

You responded by asking them to come off anon so you could talk and get to know them

That kinda scared Connor

He didn’t think it through fully

He didn’t want to make things weird

But he did want you to know

He decided this was a convo sober Connor should be having instead

So he put off telling you

“Just until I’m sober tomorrow”

But the next day first thing in the morning

You texted Connor

Freaking out

Your parents just surprised you with tickets to see your favorite band in concert

Of course, your first thought was to text Connor

He loved the band too and he would be so happy for you

So you told him

And he was like

“Holy shit when is the show?”

So you told him

And he just said

“Fuck you, stop messing with me”

And you were just like

“???” Why would I fuck with you about this?”

“You found out that that was the show I was going too and you are trying to fuck with me and say you are going to be there.”

To say the least,

You fucking S C R E A M E D

Because omg

You were both going to the same concert

Not only were you going to be in the same room as your favorite band

But also your online friend/crush

You were ten times more excited now

Also ten times more nervous

What if you met up and he decided he didn’t like you and didn’t want to be friends anymore?

He was having the same thoughts run through his head

Thank god high Connor didn’t tell you it was him who has the crush on you

You would meet up and think he was weird and creepy

Anyways

You both pushed away your anxieties and made plans to meet up

You were going to be with your best friend and he was going alone

You planned on meeting up in line to get in

You both were going to be there early to try and get a good spot in the front

But you didn’t see him at all while waiting

You texted him and said he was at a dead stop in traffic

He was freaking out

He didn’t want to miss the one chance he had to see you

Eventually, they opened the doors and let everyone in

You got fairly close to the front

But not right next to the stage

It wasn’t until the very start of the opening band that he made it inside

He was towards the back of the room

After the opening band was done

Connor texted you to ask where you were

So you held up your flashlight hoping he would see it

It was a struggle but he finally made it up to where you were

Without thinking you instantly hugged him

He was a bit surprised

But he hugged back just as tight

Maybe even tighter

It was so surreal to get to see someone who you knew so much about

But had ever met before

You ended up introducing your friend to him

And everything was smooth sailing

The concert was epic

You may or may not have cried a few times

But its okay because Connor did too

Shh don’t tell anyone

Everything was so real

Connor,

The band,

Everything

After the show was done you guys went outside

You ended up talking a bit

You asked your friend to take a picture of you and Connor

Which they did

You looked a bit rough

Considering you were sweating and it totally looked like you had been crying a bit and your hair was messed up, etc

But you didn’t care

You were with Connor,

The person who has helped you through so much,

The person who you trusted with your life,

The person you were in love with

Connor said he needed to tell you something

And that it was kinda important

You were a bit scared but went with it anyways

He told you that he was the anon

And that he really really liked you

More than friends

You nearly d i e d

You just kinda froze

He instantly started rambly and saying it was fine if you didn’t like him back

But he just needed you to know because it was killing him on the inside

You quickly reassured him that you did like him back

He was so relieved

Then in his nervous awkwardness, he asked if he could kiss you

You, of course, said yes

One of his hands ended up on your hip

The other was in your hair

Yours were cupping his face

The whole thing was so perfect

You would say that sparks flew

You both pulled away with small smiles on your faces

“Fuck”

Connor randomly said in a slightly upset tone

You thought you did something wrong so you instantly started apologizing

“No, wait! You didn’t do anything wrong Y/N. I’m just an idiot.”

And you were like “Why?? That kiss was perfect??”

“I did this in the wrong order. I should have asked if you wanted to go out with me before I kissed you. God, I’m so weird. You probably think I’m just a creep who just wanted to make out with you.”

“Are you?”

“No! God, no!”

“Then I don’t have an issue with you asking me out now.”

By that point, he was blushing so much

He is such an anxious bean when it comes to you

He just wants everything to be perfect for you

So after he collected his thoughts

He asked you out

He said he didn’t know how well it was going to work because of the distance

But he was willing to try if you wanted too

You said you would love to go out with him

You guys ended up talking for a little while longer but eventually, it was time to part your ways

Neither of you wanted to say goodbye

Tonight was so perfect

You didn’t want it to ever end

Once you got into the car with your friend

They send you the pictures of you and Connor together

And one more

Of you kissing

That night you sent it to Connor saying

“Do you like my new lockscreen? ;)”

Now every time you are on your phone,

You are reminded of the most perfect night of your life

[fyrapartnersearch]

✦ —Roleplay Request [ ALWAYS OPEN ]

table of content

Introduction

What I’m looking for

Types of Roleplay

Rules and Regulations

Fandoms/ Originals

Abandoned Plots

FAQ

Final Note

Contact Information

introduction

Hi, you can call me Reece. I am a twenty-seven year old university student, who is studying psychology and english literature. A lot of my time is spent studying, thus the lack of a social life, but in my spare time I like to read, write, play video games, and watch movies, among other things. I have a variety of hobbies and love making friends with like minded individuals. Admittedly, I can be a bit shy in the beginning, so forgive me. I have been writing since I was ten, and discovered roleplaying when I was fourteen. I started out in chat rooms, bounced around forums, and was even a member of the now defunct Quizilla. I’m trying to make a comeback within the roleplay world after having to take unforeseen hiatuses due to ongoing health issues. At this time I am looking for something casual and relaxed; nothing stressful. I will list my rules and such, in addition to what I'm craving below.

what I’m looking for in a partner

Someone willing to take the time to sit down and plan out a story we’ll both enjoy.

Someone who will respect me in the same manner as I will them. It’s a two way street and I’m tired of being disrespected and harassed.

Someone who will take the time to read my rules and regulations. There have been too many instances where I’ve discovered people have either disregarded my rules or simply glossed over them. In exchange if you have any concerns please bring them to me.

Someone who understands that I won’t be able to respond every day. I’ve been dealing with an ongoing health issue since back in June and every month it’s been constant trips to the doctor. It will take me a bit, have patience with me, please. There are some days where I might only be up for talking OOC, then there are others where you might not hear me because I simply don’t feel well.

Someone who doesn’t mind that I’m that person who adores our roleplay so much that I will make everything from mood boards, edits, and playlists dedicated to our characters, ships, etc.

Someone who doesn’t mind talking outside of roleplay. Another perk of roleplay is finding friends and that’s what I seek. I would like to find someone who I can build a friendship with. We can fangirl over our story and our ships, talk about our day and slowly get to know one another. ❤

types of roleplay

basic:  Contact me with what fandom(s) you’re interested in, we’ll make a mutual decision on the choice, before exchanging oc information and discussing plots. The format is what we’re all used to: portraying our oc’s, each other’s love interest(s) and side characters.

doubles:  More or less the same as above, except if there is more than one thing you’d like to do  and are up for doing more than roleplay, than we can. I will probably only accept 2-3 per person, due to time management.

split:  The format is similar to the basic formula, we both choose one fandom of our respective sides. Then, we exchange oc information, love interests and plots.                      

split 2.5:   This is similar to the former, but different than the ones before it. Normally, a split roleplay is done where we choose two separate fandoms; but I can make an exception for a basic format if that is what you wish. Now, here is where it’s different after we choose our respective fandoms, along with our oc information we will include a big or small write up of a plot for our character and their love interest(s). Now, I will give my partner full-rein in regards to what kind of plot they want. Want a storyline filled with drama and mayhem? Go for it. Want a reverse harem storyline with four characters vying for your character’s heart? Fine with me. This is your opportunity to play out any kind of headcanons and storylines you wish. I only ask for nothing that violates my rules or limits, otherwise sky’s the limit. I will may accept 2-3 per person. If you need help with a storyline, let me know.

rules and regulations

length:

Normally, I will write one to two paragraphs on both sides. However, that is not my limit for I can write anywhere between one to five paragraphs per sides. Length for a single paragraph can range anywhere between 200-500+ words, whereas each individual side usually equates anywhere from 400-800+ words. I like to consider myself a paragraph|multi-paragraph writer, although I know a lot of people are converting to novella writers, I can accommodate to a novella partner just beware that it will take me longer to reply to you as opposed to someone else. This is due to how much time and effort that goes into novella responses. I am the type of person who likes to take the time to construct a quality response, rather than rush and send someone a response for the sake of replying. Which is why I ask, please give me time to write your response.

format:

I can write in either first or third person, despite preferring first because I can connect with my character more; I will do whatever my partner feels more comfortable with and if that’s second so be it. Also, don’t forget that roles between the two of us should follow accordingly; I play my OC, your love interest(s) and additional side characters. While you play your OC, my love interest(s) and additional side characters.

love interests, mary sues, and spotlight:

I’m lenient when it comes to love interests, as I allow more than one suitor for our characters because love triangles make the story more interesting. However, I would ask that if we just so happen to have the same choice(s) for a love interest that we don’t fight about it; instead try to sort things out. I’ve literally had someone threaten me, simply because I liked the same person as them (I’m not kidding). Second, I’m not an extremist when it comes to characters; meaning I won’t knit pick about every little thing. All I ask is no Mary-Sues and no hogging the spotlight; this is a storyline created between the two us. Let’s share it please.

spelling and grammar:

There are a lot of people who tend to knit pick about this; but rest assured I will not. All I ask is that you have a decent grasp on both spelling and grammar. Do this and we’ll get along fine; this is something that I can and will promise you.

manners and etiquette:

This should be common knowledge, but all I ask is that during our time writing together that you treat me with respect and courtesy; I will return the gesture as it is only right. I’d like us to get along, I would hate for a disagreement to ensure and there was bad blood between us due to something frivolous.

patience and commitment:

I am a full-time student, attending college and leave for school early in the morning and return home later in the afternoon; I am usually quite tired when I return home, but I try to reply to my partners as frequent as possible. However there are times, unfortunately when I cannot reply when I’d like due to an abundant amount of assignments, health issues which can lead to me becoming sick or an emergency at home. I try to inform my partners of these occurrences, but if you don’t hear from me in two weeks time don’t be afraid to send me a message and ask me about it. What I won’t accept, is being spammed every five seconds with the same message; again and again because I’m not replying like you’d like me to. I do my best to get to you all, roleplay is supposed to be fun and enjoyable; an escape from reality for both of us. It shouldn’t have to feel like a job. I will do the same for you because I understand everyone here has different lives and schedules to attend to; but please don’t ditch me half-way through the roleplay. If you need to take a break or something; then please tell me. I don’t bite- I’ll understand.

limits:

Upon sending a request please include your limits; the last thing I wish is to make you uncomfortable. My own limits include but are not limited to the following: male x male,  female x female, incest, paedophilia, and bestiality. This is where my limits stand as of now and may or may not change depending on future roleplays. If you’re unsure about something please don’t hesitate to ask me. In regards to what I will do well I am open to mature themes within my roleplays; actually, I would prefer if my partner was as well. These themes are but not limited to: foul language, violence, blood/gore (but not too heavy, please), smut, sex, alcohol, drugs ( prescription or not), mental illness, psychological themes and more. However, please be advised that I would like to keep everything to a certain level; this means while I do allow cursing, please do not have your character do so every other word. Also, I will not engage in a roleplay that is dedicated solely to sexual activities, alone. I believe that there is more to a storyline than this.

canon, crossovers and au:

I can do strictly canon roleplays or an alternate universe roleplay. Alternate Universes can range from ‘what if’ situations, different settings and scenarios. If you have an idea let me know, or we can brainstorm ideas together; I also have a list of AU prompts so let me know if you’d like to take a look at it. I am also crossover friendly

location:

I use mediums such as Skype, Discord and Kik to talk ooc, but tend to roleplay through Google Docs, Email (preferred) or Tumblr.

ooc chit-chat:

I’d like to chat on the sidelines with my partners, as it allows the two of us to get to know each other; thus making things less awkward for the both of us. Plus, I like to make friends with my partners and would enjoy the extra person to converse with.

roleplay subjects

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1g-NIA7WE3wyKf6H9bVQSeBcaYR8GpeEvbxtAJF3jvSQ/edit?usp=sharing

The link above will provide my full list of fandoms (cravings included) and original prompts. Please be sure to visit before contacting me.

final checklist

Respect my limits and I’ll respect yours.

This list will be updated when I see fit

If it’s not on my list, don’t ask me about it, no offence but you’re wasting my time and yours.

Please acquaint yourself with my rules before messaging me. Failure to comply with them or in the instance of repeat offences will result in the termination of the roleplay.

Love interests are written in order of preference. If there is only one listed then that’s the only one and I won’t change it.

Listed above are the fandoms I would be interested in writing for, with them are characters who I wished played against my OC. In return, I will play a character opposite your own OC.

Please try to have at least two choices when contacting me. I will be thrilled if you have more than that.

In all seriousness don't contact me if you're going to ditch. I'm just tired of getting excited over requests and then get dropped. It's even more disappointing when it's something I was looking forward to or spent hours writing a starter. If there's something you want to be included or omitted let me know. If you need to step away from the roleplay, let me know. Please don't just stop replying or delete me or whatever. Now, if you haven't heard from me within a week or two send a follow-up message; I cannot stress this enough. Sometimes it's school, other times it's my health, there will be days where I don't have the strength to reply. Then, sometimes it's simply something as simple as an email being misplaced or a technical glitch. Regardless, I will always get replies to my partners; it just might take me longer. If you cannot understand this, then I am not the partner for you.

As mentioned at the beginning of this request I am looking for something casual and stress-free. I'm not the quickest replier due to school and health problems. Which is why I ask that you not harass me. I don't mind if it's been a few days or more and you give me a soft poke (i.e. ”Hey, I'm just checking in, etc). What isn't appropriate is sending me a string of messages in pursuit of a reply, getting angry with me for not responding, threatening to end the roleplay, or assuming that I've ditched because I haven't replied in a few days. When someone harasses me, I become stressed, when I become stressed, I will no longer want to continue the roleplay. I will simply end things altogether. Again, I don't mind a light nudge or friendly ask. Most days I'm up for OOC talk, even if the roleplay is on pause, but anything else will not be tolerated. I'm tired of it.

Be prepared to plot.

Split roleplays are an option

Double roleplays are an option

Plot Candies: Fandoms, Canon, Real world meets the Fandom world(aka: Characters from a fandom transported to the real world or vice versa), Action, Adventure, Superhero fiction, Crime, Fantasy, Supernatural, Urban Fantasy, Dark Fantasy, Epic/High Fantasy, Magical Girl, Alternate Universe, Horror, Mystery, Romance, Slice of Life, Thriller, Psychological, Drama, Mythology, Fiction, Tragedy, Time Travel, What-If (prompts),Married-Life, Pregnancy, Family, Crossovers, Reverse Harem

Genres and Themes that are a no-no: Science Fiction, Western, Post-Apocalyptic, Dystopia, Historical, Mecha, Zombies, Canon/Canon

Upon contacting me please make sure to do the following. First, I believe that first impressions matter and therefore would appreciate if you could please introduce yourself to me. I find when people contact me with simply “Want to RP” or “RP?” to be very off-putting and therefore leave me with no desire to return the message. Second, please include the following information: what you’re interested in writing for, any limits that you may or may not have (this one is important because I know everyone is different) and what type of roleplay you’re interested doing. Lastly, it would be nice if you could include any ideas you may have. If you don’t have any that’s okay, if you do don’t be shy to share. Thanks. ❤

contact information

email: x_heavenly.aura_x@yahoo.com

skype: x_keyblade.princess_x

kik: Sailor.Nyx

discord: Stray Cat #6885

tumblr: miss-mischievous-minx.tumblr.com