#I already missed 2 hours today idgaf

[aromanticannibal]

PAIN

[lihikainanea]

I can see bill and tiger going for hikes throughout quarantine and I think tiger would complain 24/7 about them because they make her ache. She wasn’t used to hiking and her feet started to get into really bad shape and she just basically was not taking care of herself because she can’t stand touching her own feet but she refuses to tell bill because she hates having her feet touched. So when he finds out about her feet good dude bill wants to (1/2) - 🐙

Anonymous said:

take care of her but mean daddy bill wants to punish the shit out of her for not telling him about it! Please feel free to elaborate 😏 (2/2) - 🐙

Them smol feetsies, I....  :*-)))) I am soff.

I miss hiking, god I am at SUCH PEACE when hiking. But this isn’t about me.

So I really, very much like the fact that Bill is a big dude, but Bill has also always grown up around like...very physically large people. So in his little mind, his innocent little peabrain, Bill thinks of himself as pretty average sized. And yeah I get it, some of you beauties are 5′10 and that’s awesome--but my dudes, Bill still has another beautiful 6 inches on you. So IDGAF if you HC tiger as smol (like me) or as your size--Bill is bigger.

Bill is always bigger.

And like, one of his steps is quite a few of tiger’s, and sometimes he doesn’t even realize that he’s just coasting and poor tiger is like, really givin’er just to try and keep up. And hiking is hard anyway the terrain can be rough and after 6-8 hours of climbing shit your back is going to hurt, your feet are going to be sore.

And maybe she hasn’t hiked in awhile, maybe she’s in dire need of some new hiking shoes--either way, who knows. All she knows is at the end of the day her feet are so swollen she can barely get her shoes off, and they’re covered in blisters. Poor girl is in some serious pain, and she’s been in serious pain for awhile and just never told him--which uh oh, is definitely against the rules.

But I hear you on the foot thing. I can’t have pretty hands so I INSIST on having pretty feet via routine pedicures every 4 weeks, but I also really hate having my feet touched so it’s a bit of a struggle. I’m not a foot person. A foot massage is a really good way to get you fucking dead, don’t touch my feet.

Maybe tiger is the same way, and it’s probably a combination of things--she’s really ticklish while simultaneously HATING to be tickled (it’s a real thing, don’t fuck around with it folks) and feet are just...weird.

But like, look. Old habits die hard. So maybe after a hot shower, maybe after some Tylenol, she emerges from the bathroom to the smell of something delicious--Bill’s been in the kitchen, getting some food ready for them after their long day in the sun. She tries to keep the limp out of her step, walking in and having a glass of crisp white wine plunked in her hand immediately.

“Hungry?” he asks--and my god, he’s so fucking beautiful. A little bronzed from the day, that curl all loose and floppy on his forehead, his eyes bright and a kind smile his face--and whatever he’s cooking, it smells mouth-watering. Tiger hums happily, pulls her Big Dude down for a sweet kiss.

“Starving bud,” she murmurs, stealing another kiss as he ushers her to a chair. He puts a plate in front of her--a huge one, mounded with food, and tiger is drooling. Bill refills his wine glass and sits in his chair, and immediately--like she always does--tiger plunks her feet in his lap.

But Bill’s eyes are drawn down, and he places a big hand over her feet to still them as they fidget. 

“Tiger,” he says sternly and she gulps, “Is this from today?”

Her eyes flit nervously, and she reaches for her wine again. Bill’s mouth is slightly agape as he takes it all in--god he can SEE how swollen her poor feet are, and they’re covered in angry looking blisters and red marks.

“Answer me,” he demands, and tiger just wants to disappear because he already looks angry and she’s still in too much pain to deal with being punished.

“Yes,” she says lowly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, and when she avoids his gaze he reaches out and grabs a light hold of her chin, forcing her eyes back to his.

“I didn’t really realize until I took my shoes off,” she mumbles, “It hurt a little, but hiking always hurts. I only noticed how bad it was when we got back.”

He sighs, pushes his chair back and puts her feet gently on the floor.

“Come on,” he says and he reaches for her, but she whines.

“But I’m hungry,” she pouts, grabbing onto the table for leverage in case he tried to lift her-- because damnit she is hungry, and the Tylenol is kicking in so she’s not feeling the dull throb in her feet anymore. Bill pauses, sizes her up. So much of her needs tending to right now but Bill is kind of old school, and her stomach always wins out. When tiger’s hungry, there’s always hell to pay. He’s better off taking care of that first, and taking care of all else after.

So he gives her a warning look, fetching a pack of frozen peas from the freezer and wrapping a dish towel around them. He sits back down, picking her feet up to put back in his lap and resting the frozen peas on them, tiger sighs in relief.

“Eat,” he says, “And then we’ll take care of this.”

But like, it’s torture after right. Because Bill just wants to put some polysporin on her blisters, wants to knead his thumbs into the soles of her feet just to get a bit of the swelling out, but tiger is too ticklish and she hates being tickled and she keeps squirming and nearly kicking him. Bill probably has to get pretty stern with her, give her a good shove into her small space where she’ll just trust him with anything,  all so he can just help ease some of the pain for her.

[hamonsurveysoverdrive]

Quintessential

Have you thought about an ex today???? Yeah, the kids' dad. Could you handle a long distance relationship??? Probably not. What are you listening to right now? Nothing. Does the last person you held hands with mean a lot to you? Yes. Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?? Not really. Do you know anybody who was abused?? Yes. Do you know anyone named Tom? Yes. Who was the last person that said "i love you" to you? My kiddos. How many people do you know with your name? One. Where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? Target. How do you feel about the person who texted you last? She's awesome. Have you kissed someone in the past 24 hours???? Yepp. If you could change your eye color what would you change it to? Grey. Have you kissed anyone whose name started with S? Yepp. Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around??? Yes, several someones. Is this year the best year of your life?? 2020 is no one's best year. Do you have any strange phobias?? Yes. Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more? Yepp. How often do you see your ex? I see Drew pretty much weekly. If the last person you kissed needs you at 3 am and you could go, would you go? Absolutely. Do you miss your past? Some aspects. Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like? No. What side of a heart do you draw first? Left. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work? Work, yes. What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it? I have a backpack purse that is the map of Neverland. Nothing is in it, because I'm using my new purse now. Do you have a friend you can tell secrets to and you're sure they won't tell anyone? Yepp. Is there a secret you've never told your parents? Yes. Do you have candles in your room? No. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone for more than 5 minutes? My mom and her husband. Do you have your eye on anyone? I'm already with someone. Are you happy with your life at the moment? A lot of parts, sure. Some parts, not so much. What is something you disliked about your day? I have a bit of headache, but other than that it's been a GREAT day. What's the last thing you drank? Water. Who was the last person to tell you they love you? My kiddos. What are you listening to? Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie. Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today? Yes What's the last thing you said out loud? "Thank you." How's your hair looking? I need a haircut, but it's not looking too bad. Anyone you would like to get things straight with? Nope. Ever kissed in the rain? Yes. Are you sleepy? Yes. What TV show should never stop getting produced? Idgaf Happier on your own or with someone? I'm happier with Justin. Who's the last text you received from? Kelsi. Is cheating ever okay? No. Would you ever be the "other person", as in help someone cheat? I have before, it was a dark time in my life. Can you whistle? No. Waiting on anything? Insurance check. What shoes did you wear today? Black canvas sneakers. Name all the people you've seen today: Justin, Shonda, Andy, Max, Dad. In that order. What's irritating you right now? Nothing really. Do you like someone? Yepp. Where is your cell phone? Great question... Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions? Obviously. Have you ever passed out? Yepp. Where is the person you miss the most at this time? Alabama. Do you have a best friend? I have a few. Have you ever had your heart broken? Yepp. Are your eyes the same color of your mom's or dad's? Closer to my mom's. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? Yes. Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes? He does smoke, and so do I. Ever found more than a dollar in a random place? Sure. How many of the opposite sex do you really trust? Justin, my dad, Needles. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? Nope. Did you tell the last person you liked your feelings for them? Yeah, that's why we're together. What time will you be getting up tomorrow morning? No specific time. How are you feeling at this exact moment in time? Great. Any weekend plans? Just hanging out with the kiddos. Will you be in bed within twenty minutes? I don't plan on it. Who were you with at 1 AM this morning? Justin, Liz, Zach. Closest pink object? Post-It note. Are you mad at anyone? Nope. How old will you be in 5 years? 37. Thanks for that. Are you watching TV while doing this? No. Last thing you ate? Mini quiches. Are you having a good hair day? Meh. Do you miss someone? Yes. Do you have any bruises? No. Are you hot or cold right now? Neither. Who are your last 4 texts from? Kelsi, Krystle, Justin, mom. What's your middle name? Victoria. What's your current favorite color? Grey. When is your birthday? November 2. What color shirt are you wearing? It's mostly black. Are you imagining anyone naked right now? I mean, now I am lol Do you want to see somebody right now? Nah Where is your mom? Either at home or out running errands. Speak any other languages? Not fluently. Do you like rain? Yes. What are you thinking about right now? These questions. What would be harder, for you to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back? Idk. Your best friend was caught smoking weed in the bathroom, how do you react? Depends on which best friend lol. Kelsi I'd be shocked, I'd probably laugh at the others. What's the furthest away from home you have ever been? NYC. Is there a chick that knows everything or mostly everything about you? Yes Who was the last person you cried in front of? Andy? How many cell phones have you had in your life? Too many. Do you currently have a hickey? Nah, but Justin does lol Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? Yes Look behind you, what do you see? My dining room table. What's on your schedule for tomorrow? Nothing in particular. Do you think that you're a good person? Mostly. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? One hour lol Can you see your purse right now? Nah Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? No. Are there products in your hair? Yes. Can you see a stuffed animal from where you’re sitting? Nope. Have you ever eaten cat food? No. Did you ever try to watch yourself pee when you were little? I'm sure. When you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? Sometimes. Do you actually like sneezing? Not really? What about coughing? Nope. Have you taken a shower yet today? Not yet. How many pets do you have? A cat named Merlyn and a dog named Valentine. Do you actually like them? Yes. Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? I have more than one. Are the people who you hang out with at school considered your "real friends"? I do college online, I know none of my schoolmates lol Do you wear skirts a lot? I wouldn't say a lot. Mini skirts or longer ones? Mini. Do you basically live in jeans? No. Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Not a lot, but I have some. Name one movie you like and your favorite character in it: Gone With the Wind, Scarlett O'Hara. How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? Six? Do you wear white after Labor Day even though it’s against the fashion rules? That's so dumb Or do you hardly ever wear white anyway? I don't wear it that often Do you like hoodies? Who doesn't? Big ones or the form fitting kind? Big. Do you wear polo shirts a lot? Fuck no. Do you straighten your hair? Rarely. Should you straighten it? No. Have you ever gotten a real massage? Yes. When’s the last time you got your nails done? No clue. What was your favorite TV show when you were a little kid? Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Weren’t Nickelodeon shows much better back in the day? Yes. Do you remember watching The Secret World of Alex Mac? Yes. How about Rocko’s Modern Life? Yes. Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? Possibly? Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? Yes. Do you love pictures as much as every other teenager in the world? I'm not a teenager. Are orgasms cool? Absolutely. Are you organized or messy in school? I am a combination lol Do you love your siblings? Mhmmm Do you have a step family? I have a step-father. Do you like Advil or Tylenol? Ibuprofen. What grade were you in when you got your first period (assuming you’re a girl)? 7th. Do you like girls, guys, or both? Both. Do you love your reproductive organs? Uhm, sure. Do you love your computer? Yeah. Are you one of those people who never drink soda? No. Or are you one of those people who are addicted? Yes. Do you drink coffee? Yes. Do you think it actually gives you energy? Yeah. Do you like basically all of your clothes? That's why I bought them. Do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? Any of it. Do you honestly think you’re an interesting person? I can be. What song are you listening to? Float On - Modest Mouse. Why do you like that song? It's actually the only Modest Mouse song I do NOT like, but it came up on shuffle. What did your last incoming text message say? "I can rub it in his face without even actually saying anything." Look at your received call list. Who is number 5? I don't wanna get up to get my phone. Do you ever wish you were a different race, and if so, what? I don't think about stuff like that? Do hobos frighten you? No. What's the most you have ever spent in the crane toy machines? Not a lot. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Here. When is the last time you were in a hospital? After my car wreck. Why were you there? To check on my ribs and head. What is the most painful piercing you have had? The first time I got my nose pierced. Have you ever cried after one of your favorite sports teams lost a game? Once, when the Lakers lost the state championship against the Celtics. I was pregnant, okay?? Would you marry a 90-year-old billionaire? If he didn't want sex, hell yeah. Have you ever kept a fortune from a Chinese fortune cookie? No. Have you ever told a lover that they were good in bed, when they were not? No. Would you jump into a lake to save a stranger? Depends. Do you think your life story would make a great movie? Meh. What TV show world would you fit right into? Idk. Would you rather be in a room with Micheal Jackson or a rattlesnake? Neither. Have you ever gone to a bookstore at 12 AM to buy the next Harry Potter book? No. Have you ever been so bored that you counted cracks in the walls? No. Do you read while you eat? Sometimes. How long does it usually take you to drink a beverage? Depends on the beverage. What did you want to be when you were in kindergarten? A writer. What do you want to be now? Librarian.

[dungeonsndiapers]

33w2d

Sigh

I had a doctors appointment today, and through all 3 of my pregnancies this is the first appointment I’ve had to go to alone. We had our baby moon this last weekend and it was wonderful. So relaxing and so much quality time, we both needed it. We came home feeling really ready to bring another Lechuga-Huber into this world and complete our family that has such a strong foundation of love between Bill and I. Kennedy was an angel for my sister and had a great time. Then this morning she woke up crying, which she never does. I figured it was just from the transition of not having mom and dad there for two days and waking up alone in bed (she sleeps on a mattress on the floor of my sisters room when she stays with them until she’s old enough to sleep on the guest bed without falling out). Starting yesterday I’ve been feeling, icky. I think it’s a stomach bug. Everything I eat makes my stomach churn and I have body aches, but I’m also starving. Nothing major, no vomiting I don’t feel dehydrated and I’m staying on top of my water so I’m not concerned. I’m just tired and feel not 100%.

Anyways, Kennedy went down for her nap and since I had my doctors appointment today so I needed to get ready when Bill got home so we could drop her off with my sister and head to the appointment. Then she woke up within 30 minutes crying. I laid in bed with her and she was obviously still tired, mucusy, and felt warm. And as much as I really hate going to appointments alone, I knew that if she was sick she needs one of her parents with her. So Bill came home and we decided that he would stay and I would go to the appointment alone. Again, 3 pregnancies and he’s never missed an appointment, so he was obviously bummed too but these sacrifices are going to have to be made now and then when both kids need us.

So I go to my appointment alone. I talk to the nurse about my sugar chart and how it’s been going. The first two weeks was a struggle with my fasting numbers and they had to put me on 1000mg of metformin. This is my 5th week and I haven’t had one high fasting number (and the few numbers after eating that have been high are by like 1 or 2 points and it’s because I made a poor choice with potatoes). I told the nurse and doctor that I’ve felt pretty good about how I’ve been doing and they agreed. Then she dropped the bomb: because I’m having to take medication I’m going to need to go in for NST testing 2x a week for the remainder of this pregnancy. 😫

My first reaction was panic. I live 45 minutes from the doctor’s office. I have a two year old I am the primary care giver for. My husband works full time and every hour he takes off now means it’s an hour he loses with new baby. “Non stress test” my ass, I’m stressed the fuck out. I did my first test today at the end of my appointment then called Bill on the way home. Forever my rock, he calmed me down. Reminded me that this is for the baby’s health and that we would have done all of this plus some if it meant Liam got to live, and we’d figure it all out. So I called and talked to my sister who gave me the same pep talk and we figured out we will try and work it so she can watch Kennedy on Tuesday’s for the 1st appointment and Bill can watch her on Friday’s (since he gets off at noon) for the 2nd appointment. I’ll talk to scheduling tomorrow and have them move around the appointments I have scheduled already for regular doctors appointments so I can just tack on the NST afterwards. If anyone can make it work, it’s my neurotic ass... I’ll probably make a spreadsheet.

I’m also going to induced at 39 weeks, but idgaf about that. I went 41 weeks with Kennedy and I am ok with not going that long. I know the goal is to cook baby as long as possible, but after what I’ve been through I feel like it’s ok to just want them here and safe in my arms.

[hollyhomburg]

List of good things rn

- the fact that Shane is no longer in my life, I recognized that though we fit well togeather he had a lot of growing up to do, like don’t try to control your significant others! They’re their own people! Don’t get angry and passive aggressive when they don’t act how you want! They’re a person! Not something for you to mold. Like I legit don’t miss him anymore

- had my first threesome? It was awesome? And I’m like still think about it days after? Which means it was like really good?

- got hired by an korean company to give lectures in English literally because a guy heard me talk in a coffee shop and though the way I sounded was intelligent. I already gave my first 2 lectures, and overheard one of them say “we hit the jackpot with her” and idgaf because they’re paying me 35$ an hour.

- I’m going to jeju island today and like? Yes? I’m gonna be in a tropical place? And hiking? And distressing? With some pretty cool people?

- switched roommates so now I’m not living with the crazy ass girl who would watch me sleep and play her music out of her speakers at like 7am.

Like last week I was so depressed and now this one is like so full of good things? I’m kind of shook? Why does the world give me epic lows and amazing highs in a 2 week span?

[stupidsexyseguin]

before you posted about some of your favorite justifications for how people rated the players, have their been any new stand out justifications?

There are so many! half of the ones I’ve been showing you guys have just been excepts, because these justification rants can take some wild turns! here’s some long and (almost) unfiltered justifications for why people voted for tens because like every single bit of them is gold and cutting them down would be a crime tbh;

“Let’s just get the obvious out of the way and say Shea Weber (I’ve broken my pelvis before, and few experiences have sucked more than going through surgery and 5+ months of bedrest so everything could heal. However, I’d be cool with putting up with all of that bullshit again if the pelvis-breaking happened as a result of getting dick from Daddy Webs. Also, I’m sorry that I’m the way I am). Also, I’d take it any way any how from MY Captain, Claude Giroux (w/ or w/out the replacement tooth, because, honestly, idgaf), and on the topic of men with missing teeth I’d let demolish me, Alex Ovechkin has entered silver fox territory, and on top of that, I feel like, at any stage in his life, sex with Ovi would probably be one of the most life-changing, memorable, and surreal experiences one could have in their lifetime. Additionally: when will Kris Letang get traded so I can openly and shamelessly talk about how I’d let him hit it from the back. I also wanna throw in the fact that my No. 2 team is the Lightning, and I’d probably let half of their team raw me behind a Taco Bell dumpster (and like, not necessarily the hot half of the team either), but out of the whole TBL roster, Victor Hedman could choke me and then give some very bomb, gentle aftercare once the nasty had been done.” 

Jonathan toews based on the way his face looks deserves to be like a three howmever, I am absolutely in love with him and want to have two kids which we would raise in a modest home in the suburbs and we would have a fenced in backyard so our dogs could run freely and play with the kids and so based on the fact that I want him to father my children I’m gonna bump him up to a ten Maybe it’s because of my massive d*dd* kink but I would let Patrick sharp carve my heart out with a butter knife Gabe landeskog fucking duh, have you seen that pic where somebody photoshopped his eyebrows to be good????? I almost wore out my asterisk key w the tags on my reblog of that post Kevin fiala Idr if I already said Carey price but by god I would let him fucking kill me, there is almost nothing Carey price could say to me that would make me change my mind about how bad I want his dick Evgeni malkin and I truly don’t know why I guess it’s hoggles but like *** ** ***** Leon draisaitl…….. have u seen him, if anyone has him below a 9 gimme their address I just wanna talk I promise Taylor hall Zach the fucking snack werenski I want him to choke me to death with his thighs

first of all players who are 10/10 are a very different category to players i would let raw me behind a mcdonalds dumpster so keep that in mind - dylan strome can hit it literally anytime he wants including behind a mcdonalds dumpster im aware hes not a 10/10 but thems just the facts (also we all saw that video of him that demonstrates he’s very clearly Hung. tom wilson also could and would be down for a mcdonalds dumpster fuck and boy would i let him. listen i know this is already The Worst list of attractives players i could have compiled so im going to make it even worse by adding mitch marner to the list im aware hes not the most hot but hes gotten v muscular and im Here For It

tom wilson because have yoU SEEN THAT PICTURE OF HIM WINNING THE PULL UPS COMPETITION BOY OH BOY He could fucking gag me behind any dumpster for 6 hours and pull at my hair and deny me of an orgasm til i cry and fuck me raw and i’d thank him for it. scandy and i just want to say don’t @ me but he is just as daddy as tom is and he needs to spank me raw asap segs but only because of that fight, otherwise no he’s a ratboy and shouldn’t ever touch me or breathe within a 3m radius of me. chucky even when he’s bald. he could get it, bald. my sugar daddy drai$$$aitl 100% can raw me anywhere/everywhere any time he wants. i would do anything for this piece of ass. literally. with the black eye and all. and did u see his dick print today binch i’d hop on that so fucking fast colton parayko not because he’s really that hot but because he’s fucking huge and i want him to raw me while lifting me up with his pinky fingers

[withthesehands]

Updated 2020

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

- dude we have only had sex once, chill. (2019)

- I can’t do this with you right now (2020)

2: Did you get to sleep in today?

-I slept till 3:30, coming off night shifts.(2019)

-I sleep in to about 11:30 then wake up from low blood sugar(2020)

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

- I’ve been trying to practice gratitude. (2019)

- I’ve lost so many important things in the last year. (2020)

4: Do you have siblings?

- still two sisters(2019)

- two sisters, one lives very far away.(2020)

5: How many kids do you want?

- Two! (2019)

- I just want a child.....(2020)

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

- TBH I really don’t remember. My second boyfriend maybe??(2019)

- My sister (2020)

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

- for the standing up one, yes, dude was like 6’1 I’m 5’3 (2019)

- I haven’t kissed anyone in almost a year.(2020)

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

- Don’t really know him all to well, ah hook ups in our twenties how lovely. So no??? (2019)

- No I don’t think he would(2020)

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

- My mom. (2019)

- someone I should not have been talking to... it was a bad idea......(2020)

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

- Still a nope on that one. 😂(2019)

- nope on that one x3 (2020)

11: When’s your birthday?

-April 18th

- second veurse same as the first.

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

- Some time in December I believe(2019)

- it’s the same person. (2020)

13: What kind of phone do you have?

-iPhone 7s (2019)

- she’s a little bit slower, but same phone(2020)

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

-Nothing (😲)(2019)

- depression calls for sweatpants and a hoodie (2020)

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

- Yes most definetly, older and hopefully a bit smarter with that education. (2019)

- I’m a different person from a year ago (2020)

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

- watching YouTube. (2019)

- it’s 4:49 am so this. (2020)

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

- Still writing that dumb paper (2019)

- tho I’m under no obligation to write papers anymore, probably still papers. (2020)

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

-That I’m not lonely (2019)

-that I’m not worth the time or energy. (2020)

19: Last night you felt…?

- coincidently.... lonely. (2019)

- I was happy last night, tonight is not the same. (2020)

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

-Graduation! So close. (2019)

- getting out of my parents house, you did it wee bean. You graduated. (2020)

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

-The great thing about being an adult is I don’t have to tell anyone anything. (2019)

- it now starts fights because I lie about where I’m going.(2020)

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

-6 pretty sure. (2019)

- none( 2020)

23: Are you a morning or night person?

-Still a night owl x2

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

- knocking my hand while moving a box (2019)

- an insulin site(2020)

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

- Now I do. (2019)

- yes, but recently it’s been taxing to answer (2020)

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

- I would answer. (2019)

- I would cry(2020)

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

- Oh hell yes. X2

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

- One guy I’m not interested in. (2019)

- lol you did sis, but yes always (2020)

29: How many months until your birthday?

- 3

-5

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

-bred x2

31: Did you like this past summer?

- I was a student nurse! Yes! (2019)

- two words, Corona virus (2020)

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

- I’m on my phone, trying to sleep. (2019)

- watching outlander(2020)

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

- wish them a good day? (2019)

- please let me go (2020)

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

-if you need anything text me. (2019)

- good night(2020)

35: Your mood summed into one word?

- sleepy?? (2019)

- conflicted (2020)

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

-Listening to snow ploughs (2019)

-silence (2020)

37: What are your initials?

-KRM x2

38: Are you a happy person?

- I’m between happy and sad rn. (2019)

- I’m sad, and dumb (2020)

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

- No not really anymore. (2019)

- yes (2020)

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

- On the coast of Canada, or Ireland. X2

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

-Not yet!

-yes I’m 22

42: What did you do yesterday?

-Nothing absolutely nothing x2

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

-Clean, read, life, sleep x2

44: How late did you stay up last night?

- until the sun came up

-I’m still up.

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

- still would for my sister yeah.

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

- No, I’m pretty easy

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

- yes in specific relationships

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

- I still don’t think so, I miss one though.

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?(2019)

- two, pretty far apart.

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

-while we don’t get on very well, no I don’t.

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

- still a no, even from a teenager

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

- still don’t think so.

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

- yeah, I met up with friends I had not seen in forever.

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

- My sister

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

- lol last time I said they would kill me, I have two and I’m still alive.

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

- corpse on my back

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

- Europe, duh.

58: What would you change about your life right now?

- I really want a meaningful relationship. Like a good adult one.

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

- my landlady’s sun is a dick.

60: Are you on the phone?

-Yep.

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

-forward, I get to work.

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

- I have a car so... the money.

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

- I have been the high one, and the non high one in a convo.

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

- Recently

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

- yes

66: Are you the type of person who liks to be out or at home?

- still like being out and about

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

- so many god dam emils

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

- yes I have.

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

-always, yes .

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

- seeing as I’m 21 baby free, I would say yes!

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

- if it’s non of my bees wax idgaf

72: What’s your favorite color?

- red, red, red

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

- I have slept on people I have liked.

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

- glasses

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

- at stupidity

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

- yep, I would.

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

- no, not really.

78: Does anyone call you babe?

- nope, I don’t really like that pet name.

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

- my dad? Does that count?

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

- I wa speaking toward one night stand, but now I kinda want a relationship.

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

- burgundy

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

- yes.

[shutterbughen]

i only shitpost my personal life on this social media so here’s tag thing

200: My crush's name is: Absolutely nobody lol

199: I was born in: 1999

198: I am really: Impulsive

197: My cellphone company is: Metro

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: I’m Bigfoot so 9, sometimes 9 1/2

194: My ring size is: I have no idea

193: My height is: 5'9

192: I am allergic to: bees?

191: My 1st car was: Chrysler seibring

190: My 1st job was: Technically Hardee’s but MJR

189: Last book you read: I can't remember

188: My bed is: Where I take tf out of my depression naps

187: My pet: N/A

185: My favorite shampoo is: OGX

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: Probably fun to break

182: In my pockets: No pants ;)

181: On my calendar: If I had one it would just be work

180: Marriage is: Unlikely

179: Spongebob can: Keep making memes

178: My mom: Better when we’re apart

177: The last three songs I bought were? The last three I DOWNLOADED were Revenge by XXXTentacion, 6 Inch by Beyoncé & The Weeknd, and Self Care by Mac Miller

176: Last YouTube video watched? Joji - rain on me

175: How many cousins do you have? Too many

174: Do you have any siblings? 7

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yeah but barely

171: Do you play an instrument? I can somewhat play the piano but it’s been a while

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept in kind of late, watched Netflix. Depression days lol

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: I want to

168: Luck: That’d be nice

167: Fate: In a way

166: Yourself: Sometimes

165: Aliens: Absolutely

164: Heaven: Um

163: Hell: Who knows

162: God: I used to

161: Horoscopes: Not really

160: Soul mates: Yeah

159: Ghosts: Yes

158: Gay Marriage: Duhh

157: War: I guess it depends, generally no

156: Orbs: Anythings possible

155: magic: Nah

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: Both

153: Drunk or High: Lol

152: Phone or Online: Phone

151: Red heads or Black haired: Doesn’t matter

150: Blondes or Brunettes: ^

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Summer

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Id like to say night but I’m usually more prone to depression and missing my ex at night, so probably day

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Neither

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Whiteee

140: Mac or PC: Mac

139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops be easier

138: Ugly and rich OR Sexy and poor: Whichever option leads to me not being screwed over, but I’m not picky

137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Burried or cremated: I don’t know

134: Singing or Dancing: Singing terribly while driving home from work at 3am

133: Coach or Chanel: Idgaf

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: See above

131: Small town or Big city: I like the vibe of both but I’ve always wanted to live in a big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure but I desperately need a manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: East, although West Coast would be cool too

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: No opinion

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags: I’ve only ever been to Disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red Sox I guess

[ Here's What I Think About ]

122: War: No strong opinion

121: George Bush: 9/11

120: Gay Marriage: Well I’m bi so clearly against lol

119: The presidential election: Trump sux

118: Abortion: My body my choice

117: MySpace: That’s how my dad met my step mom

116: Reality TV: Stupid but fun to watch

115: Parents: They screwed me up

114: Back stabbers: See ya

113: Ebay: I used to buy my cosplays on there

112: Sex: Not sure where I stand with that for myself

111: Work: Used to be a chore, but it’s better now. I like working

110: My Neighbors: Loterally no opinion at all

109: Gas Prices: RIP wallet

108: Designer Clothes: Would be cool if I could afford them lol

107: College: Expensive

106: Sports: Not a sports gal

105: My family: My sister is great

104: The future: Horrifying

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: Sort of recently but I don’t remember who

102: Last time you ate: Like an hour ago

101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile: It’s been a while

100: Cried in front of someone: I’m sure I have recently but not sure when

99: Went to a movie theater: Almost everyday

98: Took a vacation: I went to Chicago randomly a couple weeks ago

97: Swam in a pool: Now that I think about it it for a while

96: Changed a diaper: Never

95: Got my nails done: Too long ago

94: Went to a wedding: A couple of years ago

93: Broke a bone: I broke my toe last year

92: Got a peircing: Ears was the first and last

91: Broke the law: Ughhh is a cop asking me this lol

90: Texted: My sister was the last person I texted

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: Friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I already left, I miss my sister but that’s it

87: The last movie I saw: In theaters? Probably Endgame

86: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: Nothing specific but in general getting my shit together

85: The thing im not looking forward to: All the work that comes with getting my shit together

84: People call me: Dani

83: The most difficult thing to do is: Staying vegan

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: No

81: My zodiac sign is: Scorpio

80: The first person i talked to today was: My coworker

79: First time you had a crush: on 2nd or 3rd grade to a boy named Tyler

78: The one person who i can't hide things from: Sometimes I feel like the only person I can ever be completely honest with is myself

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Me and my sister both said the exact same thing today

76: Right now I am talking to: Nobody

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hopefully have everything under control, travel, be content on being with myself alone rather than relying on other people to make me happy

74: I have/will get a job: I’m a manager at MJR right now, not sure where I’m going from here

73: Tomorrow: I’m waking up early to go jogging then hopefully getting out and doing something later

72: Today: Go to sleep

71: Next Summer: Nothing planned

70: Next Weekend: Most likely work

69: I have these pets: None

68: The worst sound in the world: Nails scratching paper, also the worst feeling

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Myself

66: People that make you happy: Friends & Sister

65: Last time I cried: It’s been a second, at least a week ago

64: My friends are: Fun

63: My computer is: Broken

62: My School: Hard to bring myself to go to

61: My Car: dirty right now

60: I lose all respect for people who: Constantly change their story and go back on their word

59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame

58: Your hair color is: Brown & blonde

57: TV shows you watch: The Office, Lucifer, Shameless

56: Favorite web site: YouTube I guess

55: Your dream vacation: Bora Bora

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Breakups. Physically probably period cramps

53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t eat meat anymore, but medium rare when I did

52: My room is: Pretty cluttered

51: My favorite celebrity is: Brendon Urie

50: Where would you like to be: On vacation

49: Do you want children: Nope

48: Ever been in love: Once

46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Feeling motivated

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: I’m comfortable being alone right now

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I barely have my week planned

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No

41: Have you pre-named your children: Maybe my future PETS lol

40: Last person I got mad at: Not mad, just annoyed

39: I would like to move to: Seattle

38: I wish I was a professional: Idk

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Used to be Almond Joys

36: Vehicle: Tesla

35: President: Idk

34: State visited: Illinois (mostly for Chicago)

33: Cellphone provider: TMobile

32: Athlete: None

31: Actor: Chris Evans I guess

30: Actress: None

29: Singer: The Weeknd or Joji

28: Band: The Neighborhood

27: Clothing store: ZAFUL

26: Grocery store: Kroger

25: TV show: The Office or Hannibal

24: Movie: Captain America Winter Soldier

23: Website: YouTube

22: Animal: Sloth

21: Theme park: I’ve only been to Seaworld and Disney, so Disney I suppose

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: Maybe I wouldn’t mind seeing a baseball game but not on TV

18: Sport to play: None

17: Magazine: No

16: Book: Idk

15: Day of the week: Friday

14: Beach: Never been to one so frequently that I have a favorite

13: Concert attended: Joji

12: Thing to cook: Stir fry

11: Food: Also stir fry

10: Restaurant: Townhouse

9: Radio station: 95.5

8: Yankee candle scent: Vanilla

7: Perfume: Don’t have a specific favorite

6: Flower: Sunflower

5: Color: Yellow

4: Talk show host: Idk

3: Comedian: None

2: Dog breed: German Shepherd

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeah

[theslayover]

A typical day at MIA

After a hectic 48 hours back in Miami to visit a sick relative, I have a 6:21 p.m. flight back to San Francisco. At 4pm my mother- who is stressed from work and having her mother-in-law in the hospital for a myriad of symptoms that could only make sense in an episode of House- decides the dishes in the sink need to be cleaned. And the counter cleaned. And the magazines arranged. I help where I can but try not to push the woman, whose (and I preface this with my mom is the best mom ever) fuse is so short when she’s stressed it’s almost mythical. 

We finally leave around 4:25pm.  The normally 20 minute journey is now between 30 and 40 minutes, apparently because they’ve closed one highway, there’s going to be a basketball game, and because Miami cannot go a day without at least 57 accidents. I wouldn’t generally care but in the back of my mind I’m slightly concerned as my roll-aboard is full of precious cargo: malanga and calabaza that I need for my abuela’s famous caldo recipe and that I cannot get in San Francisco. I can’t imagine I’m violating some random agricultural rule but #Florida. 

Using a combination of Waze, Google maps, my mother’s incorrect intuition and prayers we finally make it to the airport after 5:00pm and my flight boards at 5:40pm. On top of it all, I really wanted to get a cup of coffee before the flight. This sounds like a 1st world problem, however: 

1) I had a lot of work to do and needed to make the most of the 6-hour flight. 

2) Airplane coffee tastes like a young coffee who had all his hopes and dreams in front of him until his parents died and he ended up in the foster system, bounced around house to house cared for by people who only saw him as a paycheck, and then eventually turned to a life of gang violence and drugs. 

I try not to be too stressed, reminding myself that I have both CLEAR and TSA pre-check. 

I run to the security checkpoint and wiz through with CLEAR. No problem. Then the associate informs me that pre-check is closed. It’s 5 goddam pm. The airport is mobbed, why? I’m handed a blue card that allows me to keep my shoes on through security but for the most part I’m stuck in the long, regular security line with throngs of people, all whom from their behavior I can only assume have never flown before. I feel rage surge inside me and think how Miami is a 3rd world country when it comes to logistics. But no, Lauren. You meditated today. You practice A Course in Miracles. How can you judge this way? I breathe deeply and repeat today’s mantra and tell myself it’ll be ok. 

The gentleman next to go through the metal detector steps through. BEEP BEEP BEEP goes the machine. He forgot to take off his belt. For fuck’s sake. He strips it and steps through and BEEP BEEP BEEP I hear again. His wallet. Blessed be. He steps through once more and BEEP BEEP BEEP. The security guard lets him through. Wait what. A mixture of relief and alarm rush over me at once. Please tell me what they missed wasn’t a concealed weapon in his boxers. It’s 5:20pm.

The next gentleman goes through and BEEP BEEP BEEP. My metaphysical ears bleed. 

I finally make it past all the First Time Flying Club’s members and a Portuguese family of 4 who have every iPad and child electronic imaginable, set my bags on the x-ray, tear out my laptop- one of the cons of Diet Pre-check- and I go through the metal detector. I set the fucking thing off. Thanks Cartier Love bracelet. I tell the confused TSA associate the bracelet is literally screwed onto my wrist (I feel so stupid saying this aloud...this is why women make less) and make my way to the higher security machine. I make it through without a hitch and run to the conveyor with my bags in time to see the man running the X-Ray pull my roll-aboard to the side for a bag check. Of course. It’s just before 5:30pm and I stand in silent horror as the man who is to perform bag searches decides to pick up every bin off of the conveyors before conducting the search. But I know better than to rush him, as then he’ll also decide to go back to school and get a medical degree before helping me. 

He finally decides it’s time to actually make sure my bag doesn’t have a bomb in it. I walk over to the examination area and anxiously wait as he open my suitcase. He unzips the side area inside my Away bag and he pulls out a bag of coffee. Oh. That’s what set off the alarm. Of course. But as he’s pulling it out he sees the calabaza. I explain to him in Spanish “It’s calabaza and I need it for my grandmother’s caldo recipe,” have laughing half pleaing (please God not the calabaza). He seems pretty un-phased. He goes to search the other side of my bag, saying the machine saw something else solid. “Pan?” (bread) he asks. But then he finds the malanga. “You’re taking all of Miami back with you!” he says. “It’s for my grandmother’s recipe, I can’t find this in San Francisco, Mexicans don’t really cook with malanga!” I exclaim. He places the malanga back in my suitcase, looks at me seriously and says “I bet Mexicans have never seen a malanga.” I didn’t have time to contemplate the strange cultural burn. I thanked him profusely and dashed to my next stop. 5:35pm.

I get to the Starbucks line, which is blessedly short. Three people head of my and about 5 minutes till boarding. The next person approaches the register and places an order, and the cashier gives them the total. The person looks at the cashier, seemingly surprised that they have to pay and only then starts to rifle through their bags looking for a wallet. 

It’s always been pet peeve for my father and I when a person will stand in and go through an entire line and only after ordering do they start to look for money. I can’t stand wasting people’s time and you think at an airport this would be less common but this is MIA, and it’s clearly everyone’s first time flying. 

I make it to the gate just at the start of pre-boarding (because nothing is on time in Miami), at about 5:45. I walk onto the plane panting, coffee and bags in hand. I think of all those photos of celebrities and influencers who travel through airports looking so adorable. Do they actually look like that, or do they take stock photos at various airports and just load them when they go on a trip? 

The pilot’s voice on the PA interrupts my #lifehack idea: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are already to take off here but we’ve just been alerted that someone must have removed one of the covers of the floor emergency exit signs, and the bulb has also been destroyed. We are contacting Maintenance now and will be back to you shortly with a fix update. As you know with the latest airline incidents (thank Boeing) we are all being extra cautious.”

I’m overtaken by mixture of laughter and disbelief; thoughts raced through my head: 

“Of course after all that, we ‘d be delayed anyway.”

“This has got to be the craziest reason for a delay I’ve experienced”

“I’m pretty sure if we are going down, my inability to find one of the 40 emergency exit signs will not save us.”

“This might be the first time I could understand anything the pilot said over the PA.”

Passengers start to deplane, anxious to get on a different flight in hopes of making connections or at least to yell at gate agents, who will undoubtedly out IDGAF them 10:1. 

After texting and sharing a few laughs with family and friends via text, I decide I might as well start working so I can get most of it out of the way before I get too tired. I reach for my backpack to take out my laptop- and realize I’ve left it at security. 

Being a veteran of pre-check I NEVER take my laptop out of my bag anymore. With the scare of getting my roll-aboard searched, I forgot to replace it after it came out of the X-Ray. I run to the front of the plane and tell the flight attendants I don’t want to cancel this flight but only need to grab my laptop. Thankfully since people were deplaning anyway, I was able to get off.

I raced down the terminal, the sound of my flip flops drawing stares and snickers as they watched a small woman in a maxi dress race across a terminal. Of course my gate was the farthest. I got to security gasping for air. Through my lungs loudly fighting for life, I explained to the TSA agents my plight. They had my laptop and let it go before I managed to log into it, I suppose they figured no one would purposely steal a 12 pound, soiled HP. 

I raced back down the terminal and gasping even more loudly, got back onto the plane. My seatmate saw me and gave me a silent “yay!” as I walked down the aisle. I plopped myself ever so gracelessly onto the seat, breathing (panting) a sigh of relief. The pilot’s voice comes back over the PA: “ladies and gentlemen, I really apologize but we don’t know how long it’s going to be, so we are going to go ahead and deplane.” Motherfuck.

The rest of the evening consisted of other fun things like finding out that all the other United planes at the airport were some other type of Boeing, and our plane had a slightly different size of emergency exit cover, finally bumming one off an American Airlines plane (the one good thing that airline has ever done for me), and then taking off 2 and 1/2 hours later. 

This sounds like a crazy, stressful day and it kind of was. But in situations like these I’ve found that when you find yourself stressing and adamant that something has to work a certain way, and your actions become reactive, anxious and impatient, that’s when things really go wrong. Being worked up has made me forget things (like my laptop), gotten me into fender benders, arguments and in the end, nowhere. Even in times when I’ve gotten what I wanted after seemingly swimming against the universe’s current, it’s never been as good as I thought.

When you think of it, if the plane hadn’t been delayed, I would’ve realized the laptop was missing when we are already in the air. There was no WiFi on that flight (ah United), so I would’ve been fit to be tied for SIX HOURS not being able to work on the presentation for the next day, not being able to tell anyone, wondering if it was stolen etc. My mom’s and my drive to the airport was stressful navigating and we didn’t really get to enjoy our last moments together.

So if my crazy/ funny story can help you take a step back before your brain Hulk’s out, my job here is done. And when you feel ready to see how enlightened you are, make sure you fly out of Miami.  

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Holiii!! I saw the pic of Liam and Honey😍😍😍 Asdfahs. They are so cute! And also, i love Liam's eyes. It'a such a nice colour!! And i also saw the gifs!! I love that gif of Louis.  HE LOOKS SO SOFT. I could cry. And Harry😂😂😂 Its such a mood. I always flip people off like that. Jajajaja. AND THE GIF OF HARRY WITH THE PINK JACKET. 😍He is dancing funny and i love hiiim.  Oh, and i havent read that fic but i'll read it asap and then i'll tell you about it. Promise. Thanks for the rec💖 (1)

Hiiii, Love!!!! I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer! but yesterday I was busy, and when I came home my head hurt like a b*tch, 😖😖. Liam’s eyes very pretty, aren’t they? Everyone likes him better (poor honey). I always flip people like that too, jajaja, that’s why I needed a gif, and I found the best, jajajaja. I couldn’t resist. I’m already rereading that fic,😅. I love re reading things I read a long while ago, bc my English has improved a bit since I came to tumblr, and it’s like reading things for the first time again, so cool.

It wasnt hard being updated bcs OT was everywhere, but yeah. I always try to engage in my friend’s hobbies. & some of them do the same. One of my friends used to be a 1D fan before i met her, and though she is not longer in the fandom she tries to be updated. She sends me memes or things that remind her of 1d. She even watched a video of BG without me knowing/telling her about it. I dont deserver her. Ay, and last week she watched freddieismyqueen videos with me on a free period. I 💖 her (2)

HOW DID YOU FRIEND MANAGE TO QUITE?!?!?! Jajajajaja It feels imposible (not that I have tried…). And she sees things and isn’t intrigued about what is happening?? She should write a self help book,jajajaja. “How to suite one direction: the guide”,jajajaja. But she sounds cool and supportive of you, so keep her, jejeje.

Well, you just described me. Talking in public always end up in one of those two options. I have always wanted to do a road trip!!! You are totally invited of course. JAJAJAJA. Well, it just…happened? Our friend was having a very bad time and he was going through a lot of things and we didnt know how to cheer him up. And then one night we just starting watching a video of AuronPlay reading a fic, and he was happy for the first time in months. (3)And so my cousin said “what if we write him a fic?” And i said “omg, yes”. And thus was born. Its a crack fic. We just put in there his family, his biggest celebrity crush, our friends, ourselves and a couple of animals and started writing nonesense. He hasnt read anything yet, bcs we want to finish it first, and me and my cousin (and our siblings, bcs they wanted to help) only hang out alone sporadically. But we laugh a lot writing it. I hope he laughs too when he finally reads it. (4)

You, your sister and your cousins sound so cool. And your friends too. I’m gonna have to migrate and adopt you all, jajajaj. I’m sure your friend is gonna love it. It’s a recipe for success. Keep me updated when you show him and his reaction,please!!

“How does a gay look like?” Like someone with no toxic masculinity. But i see your point. Judging on looks is not cool. (And i dont usually do it. I watched their behaviour or their words. When someone doesnt ever use gender pronouns and just say “they” “parter” “somebody” im just👀👀👀 i see what u are doing). Yes yes. What you said makes sense. I understood. Dont worry. I have never heard that quote, but i think i could marry whoever wrote this. So much truth!! 😱 (6)

Tbh I never payed attention to that, :/ (heteronormative mind and all that). If I had, maybe I had known about a lot of my high school friends’ sexuality. Looking back, we were just a group of friends, boys a girls, nobody cared about boyfriends/girlfriends (we were friends from 12-16). Then we went our separate ways, and we lost touch. And now I see in Facebook that they are gays and lesbians, and I’m like… :/ we didn’t know much about those things back then. And I hope I didn’t make any comments who could offend/affect them. But it makes me so happy to see them being themselves and living with they’re boyfriends and girlfriends… 😊 I just wish I could have been a better friend back then 🤷🏻‍♀️. But now I pay attention to that. And I always try to show support in a non invasive way. And try to educate people about who they’re been homophobic, or make not appropriate comments… like there’s this boy (around 16) that likes to paint his nails. And I love everything to do with nails. And, at the shop, I comment on people’s nails (if I know them enough, lol). And I always try to say something nice to this guy. To normalize the fact that he has his nails painted (and no make a statement that I approve of it, if someone else is listening, so they don’t make rude comments around me). And then my friend’s sister is Lesbian. But their mother is so ancient-minded… like, my friend has a dit of fat, and she’s always making comment about how she should be skinnier bc she won’t ever find a husband 😒. And her sister is very thin. And once, she was working as cleaner in a /cuartel de la guardia civil(?)/. And their mother was always: hmmm, I hope she finds a good guy there, bc she’s never had a boyfriend. And I always thought: I wonder why, lol. Well, she finally came out to her parents, and while they don’t treat her different (which I don’t know if it’s good or no), they’re like “waiting” she changes her mind. And hoping she finds a boyfriend. Anyway, her mother is friends with my mom, and she comes to visit at the shop sometimes, and she always has a comment to make about what people do or don’t do. And I get so angry 😡. I’m always correcting her. But she doesn’t listen. And I feel sorry for my friend and her sister. So whenever I have the chance I saw her my support, and always talk about these things, lol. (I talk so much about lgbt+ things, that my family associates me with it, to the point that every time they see a rainbow or whatever they tell me: look look! And I just satisfied with it. At least they don’t make so much homophobic comments anymore 😒)

YOUR MOM IS AN ANTI? How? “Why would they fake a baby?” Thats a good question with awful answers. I miss RBB&SBB.😍 (I havent explained that to anybody, yet. But once while playing a game my cousins choose Rbb as his nickname so i choose Sbb and our friends started making questions and we where like? 1d things? Long story, leave it for another day? I’m glad they dont remember it bcs i wouldnt know how to explain that😂😂). Was your friend a fan of 1d too? (7)

Well, she isn’t a nasty anti, jajajja, but she doesn’t think they’re together. Not for nothing special, just that she thinks they would say it if they were together. And since they haven’t say it, they aren’t together. But I’ve shown her the famous Christmas pic, and she doesn’t Thing B was ever pregnant. And I show her pics of F to ask for an outsider opinion, and she doesn’t think the kid looks like Louis at all, lmao. So, I think if they ever come out, she wouldn’t care at all. Bahhh, I’ve talked about RBB/SBB with my friend sometimes, but it’s so bad of a thing, that we don’t come to a conclusion. She isn’t a fans, sadly. But she likes celeb gossip, and I like to talk, so… yesterday she came to visit/ to get her arms waxed (bc that’s my other unofficial job) and she ended up staying for 2 hours. Bc we had see each other briefly lately, couldn’t sit and talk properly in a while. And she always asks me about 1d, bc she knows I love to talk about it,jajaja. And I have a sideblog where I reblog things to show her. And well, yesterday we talked a little about BG, and I showed her the no-belly pic, and she was… 😳. And she thinks louis and Harry must be together, at least at some point, bc the way the touched wasn’t in a friendly way. She now has a boyfriend, and she kept saying: I’m not a very touchy person with my friends or my family, but when I’m with him I always want to touch him or kiss him, and that’s what those two were always doing. And I’m always: do you think that for real, or are you just saying it so I stop talking?? Jajjaja. And yes, she’s convinced they are/were together. She asked me if I think they’re still together, and I told her that now more than ever, but it’s a long story, so we should talk about it another time, bc lol, we were just talking about it for a couple of hours, and we both had things to do. So, we’ll keep talking another time.

Of course, I dont share that info with everybody, but I dont mind my friends knowing. I have this one friend that i bother everytime i get frustated bcs of a fic. I tell him the plot, and what is happening and i cry about it (and he laughs at me but at least he listens). Sometimes i make him choose which one should i read next when i cant decide. (9)

I almost did a fic reference yesterday talking with my friend, and I stopped myself midsentece, and laughed (I thought of you,jajaj) and she was so confused!! But she’s used to my weirdness, so we just laughed it way. And I kept talking, jajajajaj.

Girl, i have 6 dioptres😂😂 Thats what i have forbid myself from reading on the phone. No, i havent read that one, but its now on the list. I’ll tell you when i do! Though it make take a while :( (I understand you. Dont worry). (10)

😳 6?!!?! Please take care of your eyes!!! Stop reading… everything!! Jajaja. No, I’m kidding. I know about people who has 8… so you’re still ok,jajajaj. I have 1, but my ophthalmologist told me I’m very sensitive to change, bc I thought I had 27463 diopters, bc I saw so poorly 🙄🙄.

Yes, i also like IDGAF more than New Rules. They have overplayed that one. Have you heard Blow Your Mind? I love that one. It’s also a single so…i guess you have heard it? You’ll get amazing shots, i’m sure. Honey was sleeping on you? 😭😭😭😭 I love hiiim (11)

I listened today Room for 2 and Homesick, and I think I like them. I’ll have to listen this new one two. For me, to like a song, I have to heard /a lot/ (not as much as Despacito, please). It has to have a catchy tune. That’s why I think a like Carolina, or Woman, or Kiwi, and I don’t understand why people is so fidyfvbure about the lyrics, jajjaja.Honey is always sleeping on me. The other day Liam was sleeping between my legs, and Honey came and just laid on top of my poor limo. And I wanted to kill him, bc liam never comes to sleep with me. They’re so different… but I love them both.

Oh, my little sister. I just wanted to tell you that yesterday was her birthday. She almost cried when she saw that me and my older sister had brought her Flicker deluxe as a present. (We hadnt bought it yet. Dont judge us). She was freaking out just bcs of that and i was laughing so hard thinking that she’s gonna pass out when she sees the rainbow flag her friends have gotten her for Nialls show. And also another pair of Cds. She wont survive the show. Poor thing. But she was so happy 😍😍 (12)You start next week? Okay. I’ll ask again next wednseday. Have a nice daaaay!!

Not judging, you’re amazing sisters!! Awww, poor thing!! She will have an amazing time at Niall’s concert, for sure. And, yes, please, tell her to bring the flag. I’m so happy seeing how people are starting to bring rainbow flags to niall concerts too. And have you seeing that he has taken pics with rainbow flags?? He even brought one to the stage the other day!! It makes me inexplicably happy to say everything covered in rainbows. There was so much at Harry’s show too, my sister said it looked like a pride parade. Hey, Dunkirk it’s about to start khbkhdfbvkjdnfvkjndfv. But, have YOU SEEING THE NEW ROYAL BABY WAS NAMED AFTER LOUIS?????? AND HIS TWEET?!?!?  IM SCREAMED!!!! Dijffvjkbdded. Bye love. I have to feed my cats before the movie starts!!! Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

[survivor-themyscira-blog]

My tribe SEEMS nice so far, but it's weird how there are so many meninists here instead of women fighters. When I win, it's gonna be funny because I'll literally ruin Wonder Woman's legacy

I AM SO PUMPED TO BE PLAYING! I really like a lot of the people I'm playing with and I really want to get to know people I don't know already and if merge DOES happen I really want to work closely with Emily and make her my number one! I'm so excited, I can't wait for this to be another great season, woohoo! <3

okay, my  number one on my tribe as of right now is going to be JACK! we played in another game together and I didn't speak to him until like right before I got booted, and I tried to flirt with him to keep me so this time we're going to work with one another FROM THE BEGINNING! But believe me, when it's time to merge or tribe swap?? EMILY is gonna be my number one!  Also... talking to JG is like talking to a wall look- [10/11/17, 10:55:41 PM] JG Carse (SirDragon) 🐉: Heyyyy [10/11/17, 10:56:00 PM] Ruthie: hey! how are you? [10/11/17, 10:56:18 PM] JG Carse (SirDragon) 🐉: Great [10/11/17, 10:56:41 PM] Ruthie: that’s good! i’m so excited for this season! I HATE ONE WORD ANSWERS MORE THAN ANYTHING UGH. also I doubt I'll ever write this many confessionals so...... i'm also looking forward to working with logan he is one of my FAVES! but i don't want to rely on people I've known before so I really hope I get to know everyone better.

Oh GROSS did I really flirt with a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD in that other game, why did I think Jack was like 22 or something, EW. anyway he's still going to be my number one this season! why am I still making confessionals

There Charlotte. Now you have something to read. How could you put me on the same tribe as Kai and Andreas?

It's been an hour and I still don't know what the fuck is going on.

Holy shit, I was hoping this would be a nice return to TS and it did not disappoint! I mean, sure, I was only gone for a short while, but still. So far, my tribe looks amazing, and I really wanna get to talk with some of them more. I'm excited to meet with Billy and Jack once we merge or swap, and it'd be nice to play a game with Madison for once! There's one weird thing, though. Jordan Pines volunteered to be my goat. Yes, you read that right.

My name is Jaiden Hantz and I have something to say...! So I found the Ares Helmet, a super hidden immunity idol. The catch is, it can only be played at the first tribal!!! Damn! As shitty as it is, I don't really want to go to the first tribal. I want Jordan Pines to go home first more than anything, so I'll pray for the best possible outcome. This kind of power falling into my hands is SUCH a fun twist because I'm the only player that would actually use it at the first tribal council if given the opportunity. While not quite at Bahamas level of record time to find an advantage, I'll take what I can get here. I TRULY want to win this game because I need some redemption from Bahamas, so let's do what I can to get there. I don't need to play Athena eleven times to win (my main seasons are SHAKING). Let's get it done.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2epIBobywQ&feature=youtu.be

Welcome to Themyscira! We have NO FREAKING IDOLS

I swear to god I'm going to rip my hair out I did that gosh darn puzzle it took me half an hour (probably why I didn't find it) and I discover that it is... not there. On 10/11/17, at 11:43 PM, charlotte (themyscira host) wrote: > Unfortunately there is nothing left to find. Sorry! Nothing hurts my heart more. Anyways, other than knowing that the idol is already in play and that I don't have it, things are going well. I know Rhone, Jordan, and Toph (three men... ew) so I already have connections with them. They have all come to me separately talking about working together and I'm like nut sure but if they ask me to vote out a girl then I'm cutting them lol This season like I'm only looking out for me and my girls ya know what I'm saying I love women I like Madeline she seems fun and I want to be her friend and I also like Nicholas. Kai has yet to respond to me but I love inactives because they're an easy vote jfdkfaslka I'm just hoping we win this first immunity so we don't have to go to tribal and... risk being the first boot. I'd cry. Also this is ICONIC I was playing in a game with Jordan at like 10:30, got voted out (5 [me] to 2 [Madison, who I believe is on the other tribe fjlskdfklas]), and now I'm on another tribe with him at like 10:35. He voted me out like five minutes ago and then HAHAHAHA I'M BACK I HOPE YOU MISSED ME! I love selfie scavenger hunts because like omg I love selfies and I love scavenger hunts so like it's a major nut. I also see that the hosts want us to lip sync to a song... they're most definitely going to put all our videos together so like I'm going all out I gotta look cute and I gotta get er done well. Oh just a reminder that Lily, Madeline, and I are making merge 100% and if people try to vote us out I'm literally gonna be like remember when this was supposed to be an all female season yeah let us have it and um they gotta! It's just the tea! I'm a little grossed out at how many boys there are but I am just letting it be known that merge will be all girls and that's that on that. Okay I'm ending this with a quote from Toph: Me: I'm going to be PG in this confession. I'm going to replace my curse words with more appropriate words Toph: Like moist? This game is so freaking moist!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHgjh-NrLSU&feature=youtu.be

Okay but like Lily is already speaking my language: On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Emily wrote: > are we like 2/3 girls on this tribe On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > i think we are On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Emily wrote: > wow gross On 10/12/17, at 12:33 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > gross indeed On 10/12/17, at 12:34 AM, Emily wrote: > hopefully one day there’ll be all girls On 10/12/17, at 12:34 AM, Lily M-seq (Sunda Islands Host) wrote: > tru! > how would u feel about an all girls alliance > or at least a Hippolyta girls alliance On 10/12/17, at 12:36 AM, Emily wrote: > I would nut Lily can like... get it! And SO CAN MADELINE I LOV HER TOO SHE'S SO NICE WTF i just want to be her best friend like wow I love the 2 other girls on this tribe and no doubt about it I'm making an all girls alliance with them at some point. I love women this whole confession is dedicated to how much I love Lily and Madeline ALREADY

Ughhhh i just got the worst advantage ever. The lasso of truth. It reveals who voted who in a tribal of my choice. I guess if i use it efficiently it would work well but Kai is not a strategic bunny so. Everyone on my tribe seems great so far but theyre asleep so im gonna assume theyre great arent i. I know a few people too so hopefully.those relationships carry me.

Logan

aaaaaa ill make a real confessional soon but aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I hate jordan pines

MADELINO AND KAILET FOR THE WIN.

For me the challenge is going alright, I'm about to upload a few more picture and a couple videos. I'm not much concerned with how everyone else has been handling it, it seems pretty straight forward. I hope we win cause I don't want to risk being first boot and that becoming my worst placement ever after going 1st then 5th in my two other games.   As far as tribe interactions go, Nicholas and I seem to have similar academic pursuits, that could be a bonding thing or turn each other against ourselves in a late game scenario(not even close to that so I won't worry to much, just keep it in the back of my mind for now.) Toph has talked a little to me, but I'm hesitant to try to push for more at this stage, Emily is a sweetheart, Madeline seems chill, JORDAN PINES I've heard a lot about him and would rather him be with me than against me. Lily has said much to me, and it looks like there will be no chance of a Kuang Si Alliance as Andreas and Kai have given me the cold shoulder.  

Alright!!! Hello everyone and welcome to The Mascara. That wasn't funny and so won't be anything you'll be reading from here on out, but that is okay because I say so. Soooo, I wasn't here at the first day but I am here now and I am happy to see that I am teamed with Ian! I love the guy, even if he's a powerhouse and will be a threat later on. But why care about that now... right? Besides Ian, I've only been able to chat with Emily and Jordan Pines so far and I think I've given them a glance into the abyss of my personality. I'm also excited to eventually meet up with JG again. Please mind that I am still very new to ORG's, so I still need to learn a lot. :-* ---- The first challenge sounds amazing but I don't think I can get a lot done, but I'll do as many as I can do today. I want to carry my own burden, so nobody can say I am not trying. That'll be all for now, thanks for watching the Andreas Show! Cheers!

I am the only one that has turned any of my selfie things in and it is SO frustrating, COME ON TRIBE, get your shit together!

Andreas is a lil weird but I like it he’s like teaching me how to cook pasta like #thankyou and he also told me I’m doing well on the challenge and I’m happy! He said the people that aren’t doing the challenge will like first boot so that’s reassuring that ya know won’t go home first woooo. Also like I just love Madeline so much and I want to be her best friend she’s so nice and wow. Like she already is like telling me she loves me and I’m like https://tmblrsurvivorextra.tumblr.com/post/166363315731 (credits to duncan for making this gif of me)

I hope Jordan Pines gets 2nd place again!

Let's do a little cast assessment jush. Idgaf about the other tribe but I love this tribe so thank you so much for not fucking me over like Tumblr Survivor loves doing ok: Jordan Pines - I actually want to sincerely work with Jordan this season because I will absolutely stomp him at FTC if I can get him there, and he'll always be targeted before me. So I'm treating him like my ride or die and so far we're making all decisions together. He's a really sweet person but he is so annoying at times it borders on disturbing. Madeline - Ok what a fucking queen, I love that we're the same age and just have similar senses of humor and stuff, plus she's new to the community so she'll want allies and Jordan and I are happy to be that for her. I love ha. Emily - Love ha too, queen of sincerity, queen of me knowing her game inside and out bc I just hosted her for 27 days and she does like SO many confessionals so I know all of her tea lmao. She could be a liability down the line but premerge she's good to have in my camp. Lily - So great and it's been forever since I've last seen her so I'm really happy she's here. Me her and Jordan all worked together in a game once upon a time and that didn't end too great so this can be our REDEMPTION. Nicholas - Nicholas is such a bae and my friend but literally where is he lmfao.

Kai - Really really sweet but we haven't talked a ton yet, probably gonna work with him. Toph - He's nice but we just haven't connected. I can't be promising everyone that I'll work w them if we end up going to TC you know? Which leaves... Andreas - Yeah he hasn't added me back yet yet has done like a ton of the selfies for the challenge so Idk what the deal is there. Survivor is a really difficult game and all I want is to go as far as I can while staying true to myself. My Achilles heel has always been my self-doubt and second-guessing tendencies so I'm trying to nip that in the bud right now and take advantage of a very advantageous premerge situation for me. I'm dreading a swap bc I barely even know who's on the other tribe but we'll just have to wait and see!

Honestly I’m pretty happy with the tribe so far even tho I’ve made no connections and my flop ass will probably be first boot

Not to be rude or anything but we have two hours where the fuck are Lily, Nicholas, and Rhone

RIP JG. Sucks to have to quit the game early, and it doubly sucks what he's going through. Obviously I'm a bit relieved to be safe after contributing a lot to the team's score and watching us get demolished, but it's certainly not a good omen for things to come.

Jordan is really nice I’m just reluctant to work with him. But like ya know I think I’m gonna anyway because I hate myself. But also um I need to talk to Madeline and Lily about that all girls thing lol I can’t not make an all girls alliance this game u know like. I just can’t not

I also told Jordan about the idol being missing when I completed the idol puzzle and he seemed surprised but ... he also could be lying. He said he didn’t even know we could search yet. And I don’t know if I believe it but hmm I’ll consider it

It’s just kinda annoying that Jack is being rude to me about us losing. Like I could’ve either done nothing or get us another 20 points - tops. Sorry that we lost but we don’t actually have to go to tribal council, SO check your attitude mister! I take full responsibility for not submitting. I don’t know what I was thinking, I KNEW it was due today but it just didn’t occur to me that it was actually due I guess. I’m shaken up. I feel terrible that JG had to leave but I hope he’s doing okay :( I kinda want to see what would happen if we DID lose a challenge though. Tribal council is an interesting place to be, I wouldn’t mind going there myself..

Imagine being spared as first boot by a med-evac? Truly a miracle! But I feel like even if JG hadn't left, Raymond/Jaiden would've been bigger targets to leave since they didn't do the challenge. Right now I'm hoping that the relationships i have with Logan and Dan from before this game can keep me afloat. Tbh I would rather be with the other tribe. They seem cuter to me.

OH ALSO WE WON SJSBSJSNS I FORGOT TO CONFESS ABOUT THAT AND I GOT THE MOST POINTS OUT OF EVERYONE AND J GET A SPECIAL THING but there was nothing in my matches #rig

I'm really digging this game so far. My tribe is super active and nice. I feel bad that I'm not around much, but I'm hoping once things calm down I'll be able to hang out more.

[kipaparappa]

today, after long hours projects have finally been handed out to the lab

and something really sore starts to prey my chest. even now, it’s kinda hard to breathe. idk maybe i’m starting to develop a serious illness down here..

if so, please make it quick, dear God

lol.. starting, when everything is in the edge of their last days

yesterday, i stumbled upon unfinished projects. to be completely honest, i didn’t learn anything this whole semester. i got web, game, etc but came to understand nothing. even since that rejection email came to my inbox, every single aspects slowly went off, astray and broke into pieces. i thought i was strong enough to keep everything the way they are, but actually i was the one who has a weak mentality, to let them all go in an instant. i was really hurt, even now i still feel sad, the amount of sadness i had to bear was enormous, as i need to act alright in front of people because nobody would give a crap about what’s inside me.

i actually have always wanted to study about web more. i am fully aware its going to be so useful but i just don’t have a quite particular interest whenever i directly encountered with the actual thing.. it’s regretful and such a shame. now i am extremely embarrassed of even to my own shadow.

i spent about 3-4 days working on the project, hoping that someone/something good would happen. but it turned out to be nothing. it gotten worse yesterday as i had barely spent time to sleep and yesterday i got only like 1.5 hours to sleep. i spent all the days configuring this and that which resulted in nothing. i am extremely embarrassed of myself. seems like lately i had done things just to embarrass or crash away my self esteem inside of my own mind. i started to feel really really down lowest to the point of having a panic attack late to the the early morning. i forcefully woke my parents up through phone because i thought i might die right away. i sort of lost in arguing with my own mind, yeah i always have my mind fighting and pondering every second of the day, but then it caught me to my nerves and i couldn’t take it anymore. suddenly my chest felt like it’s being pulled inside, it was so aching that i almost threw up and lost my conscious. my mum tried to brush the pain away through phone but i just couldn’t. i just couldn’t control the pain. it swept away all of my confidence and trust. i currently can’t find any of their traces left within me..

well, the day before the panic attack, we had a presentation team task which he mumbled the other day about. without realizing, i was quite worried for him. that’s my biggest weakness, i am a worrisome person(?). lol i worry about everything like too much. so my mind always flew to him even more. i wondered what should i be to help him? am i even carrying my own weight (within the team) well? i literally couldn’t stop thinking about that. from there i started to lose my self like it’s a class for him to do the project like this, he’s just different from us (or maybe me) or i couldn’t help him with anything, am i just being a nuisance since all i could do is just writing my name on the project? all of the useless things but i couldn’t find the right thing to solve through all of those problems. and on the presentation day, i apologized to him sincerely but he seemed to take it lightly as a joke. maybe my face or gesture didn’t say it all but i am really sorry. how many times should i tell you that i am sorry for keeping you close to my mind and heart, and the most mortifying is that i can’t do any single thing to enlighten that weight on your shoulder. yes all i could do is just stare at you secretly.. please forgive this eyes, mind that couldn’t control or even find another useful thing to do for both of our sake!

his presence itself already become an intimidating thought in me. every time i see him with his lab mates, it just gives me some nerves to bear. like i am the most brainless thing ever alive and he doesn’t deserve to know a human being like me

well, i started to wonder if i could do anything i mean anything useful to myself. and it just weakened my mentality more and more. maybe this chest pain was caused of my mental health right now. even since all of the shitty things happened, i started to screw my own life slowly and its just killing me

a method to release the pain.. by sharing your story? so what is the main point of that? to make people aware that you are actually going through hardships so you’ll gain respect? or to gain respect by showing who you truly are, what you went through? what about if they don’t care or bother to listen? what if… you only made up those story so that people can pity you in a way you’ve always wanted?

before the panic attack, which kinda become a turning point, i was begging to every contact i had for collaborating projects with me. but they replied late. there was this girl which was my team mate last semester, i beg like a pig to her but she only said something like “oh no~~~~~~~~~ i am embarrassed~~~~~~~~~~” while i was kind of trading my whole life to get them. i somehow felt betrayed because she wasn’t willing to show me, you know just to show, her work. idk i always know something is off in her and now i do. now i know why do i get this uneasy feelings towards her in the last semester. now i know what is friend and not. the thing is not about the project, but how she failed to notice how much i needed her help back then. i wasn’t able to configure or even code anything because i was taken aback after that attack. i am once again embarrassed to my own self. i always scold myself inside my mind

do you even have something to keep that face up huh? you know, you’re the most useless human ever lived

what have you been doing, you could’ve mastered all of these and now what? you’re going to go after that australia excuse aren’t you?

what don’t bring up that ui thing again you aren’t a part of them anymore

so you regret it huh? why all you could do is being all sad or crying?!

are you even worthy to go? your brain is useless, your appearance.. don’t ever dare to talk about it

……….

…..

the next day, idgaf to whatever happens. but he sat beside me, on his usual seat, and it just hurt. silently hurt. i tried to go away as often as i could. i heard he said sth like (to another assistant) “be quick, i need to do another projects you losers! (jokingly)”. i just unconsciously hurt inside. i didn’t know what to feel but idk, after days passed by it just feels like a mistake. the whole thing happened inside my own mind, his name inside of my prayers, i was making a big big mistake and i just realized that the seconds he sat beside me.

maybe i was the fool one, maybe i could fall for anyone, see? just how miserable being someone like me.. i could fall for that assistant on the noon class we only got to see once per 2 weeks. or maybe the one who sat right there. i am being all weak and ah.. i don’t know how to express it.

 i gave up my feelings, i feel so stupid for ‘expressing’  my self through that social media we’re engaged in. changing to my photos, art, everything so that he might a little bit aware of my presence.. after realizing my own stupid attempts.. it was douche bag and trash. my own identity is the most precious entity of me. how dare i broke that law… 

now i started to regret and recalling my days in ui.. yesterday i visited my past campus and it felt really…. miserable? idk but what i know i miss them.

haha recalling. why did i give him that………. nvrmnd

ah, this post wasn’t supposed to be about him…