#I adore that site with its detailed breakdowns of how and why things work

[melchinafan]

More adventures in knitting! I just figured out how to remember whether to knit/purl normally or through the back loop for each type of lifted increase.

You insert the needle from the side of the origin stitch.

So if you're lifting from a stitch on the right needle, you come in from the right (either ktbl, or purl). If you're lifting from a stitch on the left needle, you come in from the left (so knit, or ptbl).

The lean of them I find easier to remember. If you lift before knitting the origin stitch, you're adding it on the right of that stitch, so it will lean right. If you're lifting it after knitting the origin stitch, you're adding it on the left of that stitch, so it'll lean left.

For remembering M1R/L, I combined the tip I saw on nimble-needles (about halfway down the page there's a big "how to remember" titled section) that the front leg of the stitch should lean in the desired direction--plus my personal observation/interpretation of "knit (or purl) through whichever side is harder/more annoying to get the needle into because that part of the leg is shorter and has less room." (The site does include a way to remember the second half of the tip, but it's easier for me to internalize "more annoying" than "closer to the next stitch.")

This is gonna save me SO many reference tabs.

[ransomedrogue]

Tales of Woe - Scenes from S1

hi, it’s fic time again... 1.5 this time, swoon, what an episode! I don’t usually fic complete existing scenes but it felt right for this one.

1.5

Since Jane's arrival in his life, Kurt Weller had experienced emotional extremes he'd forgotten were possible; not to mention some of the most intense moments of his FBI career. Yet he still would never have guessed that he'd end up pointing his weapon at the deputy director of the CIA, waiting to see if his entire team was going to die in an inter-agency shootout.

Weller stood there, aiming his gun at Tom Carter, his finger twitching a bit as he remembered the CIA agent's interest in Jane earlier that day. His heart started pounding once more, just as it had finally settled down from the chase for Dodi – plus seeing Jane almost get shot in the head while she clung to a radioactive device.

And then, it felt like his head was about to explode too; with the same intensity and fallout that had just been narrowly avoided when Jane caught the deadly football. Because, just then, Carter began bargaining for Jane again. Asking to borrow her, as if the CIA would just "question" her and give her back once their interview was over. Thankfully, though, Mayfair's initial response was clear and immediate.

"Go to hell," she fired at Carter's smug face.

"Do you really want to start a war with us now?" Carter threatened.

Weller watched as his boss reconsidered her options, his pulse hammering as he waited for someone to fire the first shot. He wasn't entirely sure why Mayfair had come to the scene but he was very glad she had, even if she wasn't defending Jane as fervently as he'd like. Because, despite the rage pulsating through him, Kurt was still able to recognize that shooting the Deputy Director of the CIA would have some dire consequences for everyone involved, especially the rest of his team. So, it was a good thing he wasn't in charge right then; not when murder was so close to his mind.

Yet, if Mayfair went through with the deal, things were going to get ugly.

He didn't know what he would do if she tried to hand Jane over to Tom Carter but he was certain it would end a relationship he held close to his heart. Mayfair wasn't just his boss - she was his mentor and confidant. But he couldn't think of anything that would convince him to let the CIA take Jane, even for a minute.

The standoff seemed to last ages, though it didn't actually take Mayfair long to come to a decision. Weller's jaw clenched as she told him to give Dodi to the CIA and he voiced his displeasure, even though he recognized it was the only choice that protected Jane and avoided a shootout. His team had done all the work in recapturing Dodi, risking their own lives. So of course it pissed him off to hand him over to an agency that shouldn't even be operating domestically.

Yet the fact remained that they were outnumbered and short on options. They had to give on something so Weller did as he was told; feeling disgusted as he let the CIA goons take the prisoner. But at least he wasn't homicidal, as he would have been if Mayfair had tired to let them have Jane.

Still, Weller seethed at letting Tom Carter have any power on US soil. Instead of letting the wheels of justice run its course, Dodi would end up in another black site, getting tortured into making false confessions. Then dumped in a nameless grave once he'd given up all the information they could extract.

Weller glared at the CIA team as they walked away, his heart rate finally starting to settle again. It was a strange thing, coming down from the physical high of being primed for death. He felt tight and loose at the same time; extremely relieved that Jane was safe, yet still furious at what had just occurred.

As they began to walk away from the scene Weller sidled up beside Jane and glanced his hand against her shoulder as they headed for the SUV. He noted that she was wire tight, which wasn't exactly surprising. She'd nearly been the spark to light a volatile situation and none of it was her fault.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, reluctantly letting his hand slide back down beside him as they separated from the rest of the team.

Jane flashed him a look that irradiated fire and fear. Yet she stayed silent for awhile longer, as her eyes returned to her feet.

She didn't answer for so long that Weller wondered if she'd chosen to ignore his question. But then he glanced over and got the sense that Jane was still processing how to reply. So they just walked quietly until, eventually, she exhaled audibly and looked up at him.

"Yeah," she finally said. "I was scared for a moment though."

Me too, Weller thought, before clamping down hard on that admission.

"Mayfair wouldn't do that," he replied gruffly.

"Anyways, I would never let her trade you to Carter."

Jane scoffed, but then softened her expression as she looked him in the eye.

"She's the boss, Weller. What were you going to do?"

Something drastic, he mused, frowning at the mere thought of it.

"I would have thought of something," he grumbled.

"I'm not going to let anyone take you again."

He knew he shouldn't put so much pressure on her, all his guilt about what happened. Yet it was also the absolute truth, something he would swear to.

Jane was giving him that look that killed him every time. Part beseeching and part gratitude, but still firmly backed with fierce determination.

"I know you won't," she said. "I trust you."

It was everything he needed to hear and nearly more than he could bear, so Weller chewed back his emotion and fought the urge to reach out and grab onto her. Balling up his hands into fists to resist the temptation, all he could do was stare at her in awe.

She trusted him to keep her safe and that was what he was going to do, no matter what it took. He was not going to have regrets this time around.

###

Weller insisted on driving her home, as if he were reluctant to let her out of his sight. But somehow his attentiveness didn't feel like pressure anymore, even though he was still looking at her the same way.

Warmth flared up Jane's spine as he led her from the office to the SUV, his hand hovering behind her back possessively. After everything that had happened that day, it felt good knowing she had someone she could rely on. Because there was something about Tom Carter that scared her, more than just his desire to interrogate her. And Mayfair hadn't exactly been reassuring when Jane thanked her for not trading her to the CIA.

The ride to the safe house was quiet, yet the air between them still felt charged. Jane thought back to dinner the previous night, how she'd panicked and run away. At the time, it had been overwhelming to realize how much she meant to him. As if his happiness rested on her being Taylor. But she was coming to understand that he meant just as much to her – that he was her anchor in a storm-filled life.

As Weller pulled up in front of her safe house, Jane was surprised that he parked the SUV while she was unbuckling herself. She was about to remind him that her detail was right in front of them and would sweep her place before she entered but stopped short when she saw the intensity of his blue eyes.

"I know you don't need me to," Weller said. "But I'm going to see you in."

Jane wondered what was spurring on his bout of protectiveness and suddenly recalled the memory that had been pulling at her the entire day. Being led down the stairs into a dingy basement full of frightened kids. The realization that bad things had happened to her there, an understanding she felt in the pit of her stomach.

The memory wasn't as vivid when she brought it back purposely, but Jane still flashed back to how hard it had hit her in the lab, how fast her heart had been beating when Kurt came out to steady her.

For a brief moment the panic threatened to return, as her brain cascaded through the day's events. She'd likely been abused as a child, experienced some horrible things. And she'd almost been traded to the CIA for a terrorist, to be tortured for information she didn't have.

As her heart rate rose, Jane found herself looking over at Weller's concerned expression and her nervous system immediately began to settle again, just from knowing he was there with her. So she didn't really argue about his decision to show her in, despite how unnecessary it was.

Weller waited for her detail to clear the place and then walked her inside, which made warmth flare all the way up her spine. Especially when she tried to deflect his concern by reminding him that it wasn't necessary and he stammered out an adorable reply.

"It's more for me than you. I just wanna check out the new place make sure it's okay.".

Weller paused slightly, as if he might stop there. But then the next words spilled out too, a little rushed and unsure.

"Make sure you're okay."

His sudden protectiveness was endearing but again Jane wondered what had brought it on so strongly. Maybe he hadn't been all that confident in Mayfair himself and had thought the boss might actually ship her off with Carter. Or maybe he was just asking because she'd nearly had an emotional breakdown earlier that day and had almost gone back to the same place in the SUV.

"I'm fine, I-I- was just a little…" she stammered, not quite finding the words to describe what had happened. Yet Jane was determined not to fall apart on him again -really didn't want him to worry about her.

"I'll be fine."

Weller nodded seriously, like he was still concerned.

"I'm sorry I lost it today," she added.

"It's okay, it happens," he replied kindly, like he really wasn't judging her for having a freak out on the job.

Weller started to head for the door then and Jane wondered if that was really all that he was going to say. Now that he was there, she didn't want him to leave. So when he turned back, her heart began to thump, even before his words started spilling out.

"You've been through so much," he said, his voice crackling with sadness. "And if I'm making this harder for you then just tell me. Cause that's the last thing that I want."

He paused, as if searching for words through a sea of emotion.

"All these expectations, I should never have put you in that situation."

Jane's chest was tight and everything felt constricted. But this time it wasn't an overwhelming pressure, like at dinner the night before. She wasn't worried about who she was and what she meant to him. Instead, her heart was seized by the hurt she could see in him.

Jane shook her head, trying to make him understand that wasn't what she meant, that she didn't blame him for the way he looked at her. She just didn't know what to do with all the emotions it brought out in her.

"Kurt," she interjected.

But Weller didn't stop, and Jane could see a lifetime of regret pouring through his expression as he struggled his way through an absolutely heart-breaking apology.

"I should never have let them take you. I'm … I'm sorry."

He had tears in his eyes and, for the first time she clearly saw the boy inside of her gruff FBI agent; the child full of self-blame who'd become this man that had never stopped searching. She'd glimpsed him before, but Weller had always thrown up his walls as soon as the hurt emerged. Now, though, it was all pouring out and she didn't know how to stop the pain flowing through him. Because it was clear that all of his guilt hadn't just dissipated when they got the DNA results.

"It wasn't your fault," Jane stated, as sure as she could be about anything. He'd been a child and she was certain little Kurt Weller would have been as diligent a babysitter as a ten-year-old could be.

"I've heard that, my whole life," Kurt replied, in a tone that told her he'd never once believed it.

"But you haven't heard it from me," she said, instinctively edging closer.

"You told me that Taylor was my starting point. I think you're wrong."

She hadn't intended for things to go in that direction but Weller was struggling in front of her and she had nothing but the truth to offer him. Jane reached out for his hand and placed it over her heart, the same way he'd steadied her earlier when she'd nearly lost it. He just looked stunned, his eyes searching for her in desperation.

Jane remembered how it had felt, sinking into the dark and then being thrown a lifeline. A physical connection with another person, someone she could hold onto.

"You. You're my starting point," she declared, knowing right then that she'd stated a fundamental fact. Taylor Shaw was just a name that her five-year-old self once had. Weller was where her connection to this world began, both now and then.

Having Kurt's hand on her chest and feeling his trauma surging through his skin was just as intense as pressing up against his heartbeat earlier that day. She could tell that he was barely keeping himself together and got a peek at his walls crumbling to the ground before Weller choked out a goodbye and ran out the door.

Jane stood there and watched him leave, her body still tense with emotion.

She wondered if she'd said too much; she still felt so new at everything. But then again, it had been the truth, the one thing she had to hang onto.

Just that morning, she'd told him that she didn't know how to be his lost girl; that the way he looked at her held too much expectation. But Jane was coming to realize that was how she looked at him too.

Somewhere along the way he'd also become everything to her.