#I actually thought about doing this with Dennis instead of Larry because of how dramatic the reaction was in reality…

[northwestofinsanity]

Band Incorrect Quote/Scenario -“The cat is WHERE?!” (Hospital AU)

I need to give myself some comic relief, so dipping into my stash of incorrect-quote worthy moments, here’s yet another cursed extended band incorrect scenario in the cursed veterinary hospital AU with Styx and Squeeze… This turned into another one that only features two members of Styx, but in this situation involving a mishap while taking X-Rays, it’s simply because of how few people are involved… after all, there’s a certain acronym used in radiology known as ALARA -“As Little As Reasonably Achievable” -in part, meaning if there’s not a need for an extra person to be involved in restraining, there’s no good reason for them to stay in and expose themselves to radiation. Granted, I think this situation would have been chaos regardless of if there were two people or ten people trying to control everything!

-Tommy Shaw and Lawrence Gowan go into the radiology suite, carrying a cat in a carrier from a client who is a member of a local rescue group.  They need to do an x-ray on a stray, which per the patient notes is supposedly ‘not completely feral’, but ‘can be spicy’, and since the x-rays are to confirm a suspicion that the cat might be carrying kittens close to term, they have been requested to at least try to do it without sedation to avoid any adverse effects.-

Tommy Shaw: [Waits until the radiology suite door is closed, opens the carrier door, and backs away, just to see if the cat will come out willingly.  Even though he doesn’t have high hopes, he at least wants to give her the chance to minimize stress].  ��Hi… Hi, mama!  You wanna come on out?”

-The cat doesn’t make any sounds, but is jammed at the back of the carrier and not budging-

Tommy Shaw: [Sighs] “Nope.  I didn’t think so.” [Starts unscrewing the pegs attaching the top of the carrier]

Lawrence Gowan: “Alright.” [Squats down and helps Tommy unscrew the pegs, then, carefully lifts off the top] “Hi… I hear that you can be spicy?” [Gradually, and still keeping enough distance to yank his hand back if need be, starts to move his hand toward the cat, just to see how she’ll react to a slow advance before any contact]

-The cat recoils, somehow flattening herself even more against the back edge of the carrier bottom, and starts hissing and growling so hard that she’s making snore-like sounds in between-

Lawrence Gowan: “Ohhhhh, you ARE spicy!”  [Looks up at Tommy] “Alright.  Towel time!”

Tommy Shaw: [Grabs the two towels they brought in off the x-ray table, folds one in half to thicken it up for protection, and starts to put it over the cat]

-The cat recoils, and seems to do a 360 degree barrel-roll on the floor of the carrier with claws managing to whip around the edges of the towel-

Tommy Shaw: “OW!  Son of a gun!” [Yanks his hand back]

Lawrence Gowan: [At first, goes wide eyed, but then just sighs] “Oh my gosh, Tommy… Are you alright?  Or do you need to switch out with someone?”

Tommy Shaw: [Has a thin, bleeding rake mark of claws across the back of his hand, and it’s in a painful place by going right up to the skin between his fingers, but he moved fast enough where it ended up very superficial, and decides it can wait until they’ve accomplished what they’re trying to do] “I will be…. I think it can wait until we’re done -it’s not that deep.”

Lawrence Gowan: [Sees Tommy’s hand] “Alright.”  [Sees that the cat is still mashing herself against the corner of the carrier, now half-under the one towel]  “Great! So then, this try has got to count.  I’m thinking, how about you put on the lead gloves instead of the paddle shields, and if I control her head through the towel, you lift her up while you’ve got protection from those murder mitts?”

Tommy Shaw: “Well, I don’t think I have any better ideas.” [Shrugs] “The lead gloves suck for trying to get a good grip on anything, but I don’t think there’s any way to do that, otherwise, without using drugs, which, we’re trying not to.” 

Lawrence Gowan: “Well, let’s try it…” [Grabs the other towel and positions it] “I’m ready when you’re ready -you tell me-“

Tommy Shaw: [Pulling on the lead gloves from the drawer on the counter under the computer] “Alright… GO!”

Lawrence Gowan: [With a wide-eyed, tight-lipped, heavily concentrated look, swoops the towel in around the cat and scoops it around her head and sides]

Tommy Shaw: [Comes in over and around the sides with his gloved hands to guard from paws flying up, and to provide stability from underneath as they begin to lift up]

Lawrence Gowan: [To the cat, who is hissing and snarling] “No… You, stop. You, stop!”

-They get the cat up from the ground to the top of the table, and Lawrence struggles to reach above to the control panel to adjust the beam column while they try to get the cat laid on her side.  This is the tricky part, since it requires uncovering the back half of her body for an abdominal x-ray, which also means freeing the back feet from the towel-

Tommy Shaw: [Doing his best to get the most firm grip he can as Lawrence pulls the towel away from his end, though is visibly struggling with the lack of flexibility of the gloves, and how the cat is wriggling a lot harder without the constraint of the towel]

Lawrence Gowan: “Oh, no, you don’t!” [Still has the cat’s head, but with the cat turning into a liquid, as cats do, the cat has managed to hook a paw under the back edge of the table, and uses this as leverage to flip back up.] “Tommy, I’m gonna have to re-scoop her with the towel -keep her back end!  Letting go in three, two, one…!”

Tommy Shaw: [Holding on for dear life, and as tightly as he feels as he safely can without hurting the cat or her kittens, as Lawrence grabs the towel and tries to snatch up both the head and front paws in one fell swoop]

-The cat by now knows what the towel is, and flails herself all the way to the back edge of the table away from them, like she’s looking for an escape, likely down along the wall the x-ray machine and table are against, to the floor, and then to any corner of the room she can get herself into-

Lawrence Gowan: [Reflexively, he kicks a leg back behind him to close the cabinet the x-ray computer is in.  Then, he realizes, as the cat is flailing around toward the back pillar of the X-ray table, leading up to where the beam and control panel above are, there is actually a four-inch gap along the back side of the table, just under the ledge, and realizes that after the cat has hooked her paw around the ledge to grab on, that she is shifting herself toward it.  His voice goes up a whole octave as he manages to blurt out the one thing he can manage] “Don’t let her get in the table-!”

Tommy Shaw: [With the lead x-ray gloves, put on more for protection from the cat than from radiation at this point, tries to grab the cat by the hindquarters and yank her up, just as she manages to slither through by rolling another 360 degree barrel roll in Tommy’s gloved hands and suddenly, drops away through the gap.]

-Tommy and Lawrence stop and just look at each other-

Tommy Shaw: “Aw, crap.  What do we do now?!”

Lawrence Gowan: “She’s IN the table.”

-They look at each other for two more seconds and bust up in adrenaline-driven laughter-

Tommy Shaw: “I don’t know what to do!  I’ve never seen this happen before!”

Lawrence Gowan: “Well, I’ve not ever seen this before, either.” [Looks at the x-ray table, and eyes the screws on the front, metal protective panel that houses the internal mechanisms and the receiving pixel grid] “Well, then, given what I suspect it’s going to take to get her out, we’re either doing these rads with drugs, or we’re not doing them at all, because this level of stress isn’t any less dangerous than using a sedative at this point.” [Opens the door to the radiology suite] “Can someone send Dr. P over here?  And, I never thought I’d request this, but could somebody find and bring us a toolbox… and maybe a can of wet EN? [Drops his voice back down] “Though I highly doubt she’s coming out of there for food.”  [Turns back to Tommy] “Well, you might as well go wash that scratch out, now… this isn’t going to sort itself out anytime fast.”