#I actually met some nice people here but it's night and day compared to home

[siriusist]

+ Finishing up working in the rougher city I was in for my articling year- moving back home Friday <3

[rhey-007]

Helios - Chapter 1

Father!Homelander x daughter!reader (platonic)

Summary: A fatherless girl finally meets with him after her mother's death. Little does she know that from this point on, her life will fall apart. She'd meet a lot of new, interesting and disgusting people and experience a lot of traumatizing events. Will she be able to choose the right side and take control of her own fate?

Warnings: violence, overpowered reader with mental weaknesses, family fluff

A/N: Rreader is 15 here so that makes Homelander around 33, just so you know. I made Homelander a naturally born supe. His mother died while giving birth so he was raised by his grandparents, his father was just a one night stand (still soldier boy). It's not really mentioned in the fic though so I thought I should explain it here how it is possible that him and reader's mother met when they were teens.

Helios - God of sun.

Wordcount: 4073

Masterlist

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Chapter 1: Sunrise

Your mother was once in love with a wonderful boy, who wasn’t interested in girls, but her... Oh... she was his whole world, his sunshine. He would’ve done everything for her, even kill... He was just perfect. Soft blonde hair your mother liked to play with, ocean blue eyes she found herself lost in so many times, big smile with white, shining teeth, strong body and... super powers, the only thing she didn’t really like... Everything that later became your curse. They were still teens when Alice got pregnant. She had no idea how that happened as she took pills and always made your father use condoms. Maybe it was because of his powers – she thought. Maybe his sperm was just so strong... She had no idea. Even though she knew your father loved her, Allice was till afraid to tell him, afraid that he would run away, that he would hurt you... And unfortunately she was right... One day the pair was ona a walk in the forest, enjoying their time, talking and laughing happily when your mother’s stomach started to hurt beyond endurance. It worried the boy and he ultrasounded her belly after placing her down under a tree. What he saw terrified and angried him. He was furious, thinking she cheated on him, as he believed he was sterile because of his powers. The boy had no control of himself in that moment and attacked your mother before she has managed to explain, throwing her back. Her back hit a tree, and another one, and another. Every one of them breaking until she lost the speed and collapsed unconscious under one of them. It was only then that your father understood what he had just ddone that he hurt his sunshine. Frightened by it he didn’t even check if she was alive and fled, leaving the two of you alone. He later forgot about you, but he never did about your mother. His first and last true love...

Your mother told you this story on her deathbed. You didn’t know why yet, but you appreciated it later. You already knew then that the all mighty Homelander was your father, she told you and you didn’t believe at first. But when she showed you their photos and compared your powers, you believed. You watched her die of breast cancer when you were 15. You were scared of your fate but soon a strange woman walked into your life, like a guardian angel. Her name was Madelyn Stillwell, the head of an organisation called Vought, and she offered to take care of you. You weren’t sure at first but you had no better option than that. The woman took you to the Vought Tower, where you met the seven. Well... actually six as one of them was departed on a mission. You quickly became friends with The Deep and Queen Maeve, and the team welcomed you in warmly. You even got your own room there, which wasn’t in some basement nor was some kind of a laboratory as you would’ve expected. No, it was a nice, teenage friendly room. Almost the same as the one you had back home. To your surprise, almost all your stuff was there too.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

A few days passed when you finally had a chance to meet the seventh and most important member of the seven – your father, Homelander. You were ordered to join him in the meeting room after the group finished their meeting.

‘’H-Hi... dad...’’

You whispered as you slowly and hesitantly enetred the room. The man had his back turned to you, hands behind his back as he watched the town. You could already see that he was strong and powerful, just by his posture. When he heard your voice he turned around rapidly, scaring you a little. You didn’t have to say anything more for the man to recognise you.

‘’Alice?...’’

The man asked soon. You looked so much like your mother for him, although you thought otherwise. You looked like his younger, female twin. You were perfect, just as he was. That’s also why you were successful with boys, which pissed you off if you had to be honest. You looked down sadly at your mother’s name, tears filling your eyes as you remembered everything about her. You didn’t mean to cry on your first encounter but there you we’re, standing in front of the allmighty Homelander sobbing your eyes out. John noticed your sad expression and walked up to you. His hand found it’s way to your chin and slowly pulled it up, making you look at his face with a soft smile.

‘’Don’t cry little one... You still got me...’’

The man was suprised when you threw yourself at him, embracing him in a hug and letting tears fall down your cheeks and soak his costume. He didn’t complain though, he was just happy to have his Alice back in some way. He hugged you back, rubbing your back to calm you down. Soon you pulled away and wiped your eyes.

„Sorry... „

You mumbled unable to look him in the eyes.

„It's okay... Look at me”

His voice was soft yet still firm. When you finally looked up at your father, you could see the hurt in his yes, just as he could in yours. He missed Alice every day since he left. The man even tried to kill himself in the first weeks as he couldn’t live with the thought that he might have killed her. Then, Vogelbaum found him, like a guardian angel, just as Madelyn found you, and helped him come out of misery. He made him even stronger than he was. Even madder... Even crazier... Which you had no idea about yet. After a short while you broke the silence with a soft laugh as you couldn’t hold it in anymore. John doing the same, his white teeth were just as shining as your mother described them to be.

‘’Okay, enough of this sadness. Let’s go and check out if you’ll kick your old man’s ass, shall we?’’

He smiled brightly down at you and offered you his arm which you took happily and soon the two of you left to the training area.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

You watched as Queen Maeve fought some guys. She looked so flawless, graceful, beautiful. Homelander's tap on your shoulder shook you out of trance.

„Margaret! I assume you already know my little ray of sunshine, Y/N? „

You walked up to the woman after she finished, your father's arm wrapped around you as he led you towards the ginger.

„Of course I do! We've been spending every dinner break together for the past few days. Still can't believe she's yours though”

The woman said with a chuckle, earning a soft, displeased frown from the blonde.

„Yeah... Anyway... I wanna check if she's as strong as her daddy. Mind helping us? „

Homelander asked with a toothy grin. Maeve nodded obediently and lined up several mannequins while your father positioned you at the other end of the room.

„Wh-what am I supposed to do exactly? „

You asked nervously fidgeting with your fingers. You barely used your powers after an unfortunate incident in primary school. You would never forget about that terror...

„Easy, just use your lasers. You should have them”

„Oh... U-um... I... I-I don't know how to use them... „

You whispered afraid, your body shrinking in his embrace. The man looked down confused and tightened his grip.

„What do you mean. Don't. Know? „

He hissed, making you scared even more.

„Well... I-I don't use my powers... Especially lasers... They just come out in random moments... Usually when I'm angry... And I don't control it at all... „

You explained while looking down.

„Then we'll teach you! „

Homelander's demeanour changed quickly and now he was all happy and smiling again – you had to admit his smile was terrifying and you had no idea how your mother fell for it. His happiness was caused by the fact thet he was excited you would be able to do all the father-daughter activities, just in a different version. After a tiring lesson you collapsed under the wall your father threw you on.

„John! Oh my god Y/N, are you okay?! „

Margaret scolded the man and run up to you. You just nodded while breathing heavily. Nothing happened to you thought, as you were indestructible just as them, and a little bit more.

„I'm okay... Just have enough... For the rest of my life... „

You breathed out with a smile and earned a soft giggle from the Queen. She picked you up bridal style and shot Homelander a furious look.

„Come on! She’ll be fine! . I didn’t even use half my strength! „

Homelander huffed. He expected you to be perfect from the start, but it turned out you weren’t. He was disappointed. You on the other hand, didn’t care about it at all. You weren’t going to become a superhero just as your father, it was never your thing, it never excited you. The fact that you could fight and defend yourself was enough.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Maeve took you to your room, placed on the bed and sat down beside you. She brushed her fingers against your bruises with a heavy sigh.

‘’I told him to go easy on you...’’

She mumbled. You found yourself really attached to Margaret after just a few days of your stay there. She reminded you of your mom, both had ginger hair and a beautiful smile, so you weren’t much surprised when you discovered she and John were a thing. You nuzzled into her hand when it met your cheek and said after closing your eyes.

‘’Don’t worry, they’ll disappear in few minutes’’

‘’They will?’’

Queen asked confused which made your eyes fly open.

‘’Yeah... I-Is it weird?...’’

‘’Oh no, no! It’s just that... John heals like a normal human, so I thought you did too. But good to know you’re not his exact copy’’

Both of you smiled at yourself after her words. You actually were glad you weren’t 1:1 with Homelander. Maeve on the other hand started to feel that deep down you were almost nothing like him, that you were stronger... Way stronger... And it wasn’t a good sign, for both you and Homelander. He could go nuts if he realized that and he could hurt you, as there could only be one strongest supe and it was him...

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

After a few months of extreme trening sessions later, you were finally able to control your powers. It made Homelander proud of his baby. It was also the time when you could finally go back to a normal school instead of being homeschooled. You had enough of staying all day in the tower, having to deal with the childish behaviour of Deep and A-Train, and constant fear of accidentally seeing Translucent naked. But Homelander was afraid to let you go. He was scared that if you went back to school you would find some stupid friends that would keep you away from him and that you wouldn’t like to spend time with him anymore. All of that wasn’t true, you could never do that to him as first of all - he was your father and second – he tried his best to be a great father, sure it didn’t work well all the time, but he still tried! And you felt attached to him anyway.

The man insisted on taking you there himself, he wanted to be there for your first day as a father should. But Madelyn categorically forbade him it - obviously. Although Homelander was too stubborn to listen to her and started to plan a way to be there. Then it was your job to talk him out of it.

‘’Dad...’’

You sighed tiredly as you watched John make a tenth circle around your room while discussing the plan. He had you gone in the first half.

‘’DAD’’

You had to repeat as the man didn’t notice you call him. Eventually you got up from your bed and shouted, only then taking him out of the trance.

‘’DAD! Ugh... I know you want to be there for me but the world is not ready to find out you have a child! Thye would think that if they had no idea of you beeing married, then presumably divorced, that means that I AM a child from a filthy romance without marriage AND sex before merriage, which all is a what? A SIN. Think about it! Besides... I don’t want kids in school constantly asking me about you. Not because I’m ashamed of you –because I’m not. But because it would be so tiring and I don’t want to be always compared to you and asked to do all that crazy supe stuff that obviously I CAN'T do... I just want to be a normal teenager... Please...’’

You took a deep breath after your little speech and looked at Homelander with hopeful eyes. He had to admit you got him in the first half. And you knew that. You knew that well, that’s also why you used the church argument. John let out a deep sigh then plopped down onto your bed.

‘’If that’s what you want...’’

You could see the sadness in your father’s eyes and hear it in his voice. God damn it. Why did he always had to play the sad card!? You sat down next to him and hugged his side.

‘’I promise I’ll make as many photos I’ll be able to and we’ll watch them together later. Okay?’’

‘’Okay’’

Homelander smiled down at you and placed a soft kiss to your head.

When the day came, Homelander made sure you had eveyrthing prepared. He packed your backpack the day before when you were asleep. He put there all important stuff and hid a note for you to find later. He even made you lunch himself! Maeve was really proud of him for that. You two also picked an appriopriate outfit the day before. It was a warm, olive green sweater with loose beige pants and your black sneakers. It screamed perfect. The man kissed your head goodbye and after a long and tight hug let you finally leave. He acted as if you were going away for good, but it was just a few hours of school! You never thought he could be so dramatic.

The day went by smoothly, at least for you. John on the other hand, sat in the meeting room all day, looking at the city and waiting for you to come back like a puppy. A few hours later you came back to catch your father asleep on his chair. You giggled at his ability to act like a stereotypical father after just a few months of your aquiantance. You left the meeting room quietly to soon come back with your blanket.

‘’Didn’t mean to wake you up’’

You said softly with a smile as you noticed him awake.

‘’You’re finally back. How was it?’’

John asked with a huge smile which you reciprocated. You sat down on his lap and showed him all the pictures you made, and there were a lot of them just like you promised. It took you so long that by the time you finished it was dark and you laid half asleep in Homelander’s embrace. The minute the man noticed your state he took you to your room and put in bed, wrapping in the blanket you wanted to give him earlier and placing a kiss to your forehead.

‘’Sleep good my little Helios’’

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

As the years passed you’ve spend less and less time with your father, because he noticed you getting stronger than him with every training. As much as his heart ached he could not let that happen, so he thought it would be the best. You didn’t like it at all either. You hated how he ignored you every time you tried to talk to him, or needed help in any way. You hated how he saw it normal to push his own daughter away just because some stupid powers! But you aslo hated yourself, your powers, and the fact that because of you him and Queen Maeve broke up. Even though Margaret assured you it’s not your fault you knew better. She always took your side which led to multiple quarrels with Homelander and eventual breakup.

At some point you started to rebel. To cause trouble. To stick your nose in where you were not wanted. That’s how you fathomed out the truth about Vought and your father. It didn’t devastate you - as you knew that such a big corporation had to have some dirt under their nalis – but the part about your father saddened you. You could’ve never thought he could kill anyone one... He was a SUPERHERO after all. But it turns out that he was just a super liar just like the rest of the seven. They have killed so many people... They were montsers... One day you stole the important files from the Vought’s databse and fled out of it. You didn't know why you did that. Maybe because you wanted the whole world to know but your hands were unable to post the photos you’ve made. When the seven notticed your disappearance they informed Madelyn and Homelander and only then did he remembered about your existance. He was the first one to start looking for you, but the one who found you was no other than Queen Maeve. She knew the secret place you went to after school when you wanted to be alone and went there in the first place. And she was right. You sat there, in the middle of an abandoned warehouse, clutching onto the cases and crying your eyes out. Your head snapped hearing the woman’s footsteps and got up quickly.

‘’Leave me alone’’

You hissed, your whole body trembling. Margaret noticed the files in your hands and understood why you’ve run away.

‘’Helios please... I-I know it looks bad but-’’

‘’BUT WHAT?! ALL THOSE DEATHS WERE JUST ACCIDENTS?!’’

You cut her off angrily, your voice shaking like crazy.

‘’YOU’RE JUST GLORIFIED MONSTERS THAT THINK THEY CAN DO EVERYTHING THEY WANT JUST BECASUE YOU HAVE SOME STUPID ASS POWERS! BOTH YOU AND THAT MOTHERFUCKER! HELL- ALL SEVEN OF YOU!’’

Your shouts could be heard from miles away, so it was to be expected that Homelander heard you, especially when he was so sensitive to your voice. It didn’t take him long to storm through the ceiling.

‘’Ugh great... Only you were missed here... Why do you suddenly care about ME! ‘’

‘’Because you’re my daughter and I worry about you’’

The blonde gritted out making you laugh stupidly.

‘’OH REALLY?! Then why do you pretend like I don’t exist! You’ve been ignoring me for such a long time!... You don’t care about me... You just don’t want anyone knowing about this... „

You waved your hand with the files.

‘’You’re just a stupid, egoist that only cares about himself and not the good of the people he is supposed to safe. It’s your only fucking job and you fuck it up too! You should not wear that cape just to stain it with blood of innocent... You should not wear that false patriotic mask if you do shit like that... AND YOU SHOULD NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO GOD BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST A STUPID PUPPE-’’

You were cut of by Homelander’s hand meeting your stomach. He crushed you into a wall then gripped your neck tightly. You wriggled in his grip, trying to catch a breath, your hands clawing at his and begging for relief.

‘’How dare you disrespect me like that... I made you... You wouldn’t be alive nor so strong without me. You should be grateful I haven’t killed your mother’’

Homelander had no idea what came over him. He would never disrespect his love yet now it seemed as if he regretted not killing her – which wasn’t true. Something snapped inside of you at the mention of your deceased mother. The blood in your vains started to boil and you could feel it flow like crazy. You frowned furiously.

‘’I would prefer to DIE than to be recognised as your daughter’’

You spat on his face, making him loosen his grip on you and earning a few second for payback. You kicked him away with such force that his back met the wall at the other end of the warehouse.

‘’If you want to kill me so much, why don’t give it a try now, huh oldman?’’

Homelander gritted his teeth, he hated the alias, he wasn’t that old. He didn’t want to kill you, no... He loved you, you were his baby after all. But he also couldn’t let you go knowing their dirty secrets. It was too much to proces in such a short time but the man had no other option... A devilish smirk was painted on your face as you quickly met him there and proceeded to crush him into the brick wall. You’ve done it for a couple seconds but John was unfased. He chuckled at your attempts on hurting him, though his face seemed unmoved. Soon when he felt bored he grabbed your wrists and threw you to the floor. Now it was his turn to punch the shit out of you. If not Maeve he would get you knocked down after just 3 punches. The woman pushed him away and stood in front of you, protecting you like a mother would protect her child.

‘’She’s your daughter!’’

She cried out trying to mess with his head. But he knew well to not fall to her traps, especially since they've been through it so many times already.

‘’Which is why it’s not your fucking bussiness!”

You’ve watched as Margaret fell unconscious to the ground after Homelander threw her to the sky.

'’What have I done...’’

You thought, tears falling down your cheeks as you thought he killed her. Killed her because of you. The man made his way over to you and gripped your blonde hair tightly. He made you sat up and look up at him.

‘’Now you gonna cry? I thought you were as strong as me. Hell! Even stronger! But it turns out you’re just a weak and cheap copy. You’re pathetic...”

He hissed and tried to laser your head off but you’ve manage to accumulate the remaining strength and reciprocate the act. Your lasers met with a loud hiss. In that moment you remebered all the happy memories from your life, as you prepared yourself for death. But it backfired, bringing you even more power than you’ve ever had. You rose to you feet and got your hair out of John’s grip, all while not breaking eyecontact and still using the heat vision. He felt you overpower him. It terrified him and he couldn’t let you defeat him. The man used all his strength making you do the same. Both your visions were so strong that soon sparks started to appear and the force pushed you away from each other. But neither gave up, giving all you’ve got. The hall started to feel warmer with every second making you realize something was wrong, yet before you noticed it was too late. Your laser visions caused an explosion and the whole warehouse blew up into the sky. You stood there, numb in the falling dust looking at the remainings of the building. Neither Homelander nor Queen Maeve were nowhere to find. They must’ve been burried under the concrete. To your surprise you quickly found Margaret and dug her out. She was alive. A smiled formed on your face as you watched the woman breath heavily. She was still unconscious and a little bruised, but she was alive. You couldn’t care less about your father thought. You stood up from where you knelt next to the ginger and looked around once more. In that moment you’ve decided it was time to disappear. To play ‘dead’ and never ever come back as Homelander’s daughter.

It was the end of a chapter.

But just a begining of your story...

‧͙⁺˚*･༓🔅 🔅༓･*˚⁺‧͙

A/N: If you made it here, here you go 🍬��. You deserve it. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you liked it! 💞

Next Chapter

[chasedbyatlantic]

highway to hell, joel miller

masterlist summary: IN WHICH — ellie drives a car for the first time with you and joel attempting to teach her, but it doesn't go as you had imagined.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, pre jackson!era joel, female!reader, implied relationship, protective joel, secretive-ish joel, ellie being a fucking comedian as per usual, stripping, swearing. lmk if i missed anything!

wordcount: 2.7k

a/n: this is genuinely so funny to me. i can SO see ellie doing all of this HAHA. plz request ideas for fics i am out of them!!!! also if u want me to write for any other characters. remember to like, comment, reblog, and follow for updates! xoxo

—

It was no earlier than eight in the evening. The sun was just below the horizon (it was late autumn), and the breeze had started to pick up. You, Joel, and Ellie had been up since before the sunrise this morning, continuing your journey down to Wyoming. Right now, you were in the outskirts of the Illinois countryside, in some small town that was in a time capsule from decades ago.

Before the outbreak, you had worked with Joel (and his brother Tommy) in their contracting business, as a secretary (well, secretary-in-training). You decided to stick with him during his travels after the apocalypse had commenced, despite his bitching and complaining about you being there. Though, the complaining only happened for a short while, he learned to appreciate you and enjoy your company, you were one of the few people he had cared about in this horrible world.

It had only been a few months ago since you had met Ellie for the first time. You didn't like her at the start, to say the least - she was an 'annoying little shit', like Joel would say. All Ellie did all day was nag and pester both you and Joel, but she, as well as the two of you, learned to interact peacefully with one and other. Now, all three of you were inseparable. You sure as hell didn't mind this, but Joel didn't want Ellie (or you, for that matter) near him when he would get himself in shit. Oh well, you can't have everything you want.

Ellie was talking to the two of you about something she had probably learned from all the books she had read at the Boston QZ. To be honest, Ellie had taught you lots of things. Not any survival things, far from that, but brainy things that you would have probably needed if you actually ever lived a normal adult life - paying the government, how much you should ideally spend on groceries, etc.

You weren't paying attention to the girl beside you, tuning her out completely. You were far too tired to be in any more conversation than you had to be in right now, and you just really couldn't give a shit about the percentage rate of silverback gorillas being born in American zoos in the late nineties compared to the early eighties. As Ellie was talking, you had spotted a nice little home of sorts, one that the three of you could spend the night in.

"Hey," You had interupted the other two who were in small conversation, "we can spend the night there." A nod was sent from you to the direction of the small home. The other two went silent, Joel had sped up a tad bit, now in front of you and leading the way. "Wait out here, lemme check't out." With that, he was off inside.

Ellie turned to you, breaking the silence. "When're you gonna teach me how to drive, princess?" That was the nickname she gave you, princess. According to her, it was because everyone had always treated you like royalty. You thought different, but it was whatever. "How old're ya'? Twelve? Not yet, missy." This had earned a gasp from Ellie, like she had just seen a ghost. "Fourteen, actually! More adult than yo-"

She had gotten interrupted by Joel stepping out of the small home, "It's clear, y'all're safe t'come in." He did his little head motion, signalling you guys to come in. You began to walk, and Ellie was on your heel. You brought your hand around her shoulder, roughing up her hair. "Soon, promise."

When you two had entered the tiny abode, it reeked of old. You weren't sure if it was the contained moisture, or nobody cleaning the place in twenty years, but it smelled old. "Fucking Christ! Someone open a window!" was exclaimed from Ellie as she moved out from your grip, and plugging her nose. You and Joel had eyed one another, before you moved to the two windows (one each) and hoisted them open. An immediate relief was sent through the room, with a nice breeze of wind following suit.

"So much better." Ellie groaned, now moving over to the couch in the middle of the room. The house was not big at all, there were a total of three rooms. The living space, a bedroom, and a bathroom. The bathroom was totally out of commission, so that meant only two rooms. "Ya' can have the bedroom," Joel had said to Ellie, "We'll take the livin' room."

"Sleep with a fucking pillow divider, please. I am not babysitting any kids in the near future." This had earned a stern look from Joel, and a wack from you. "Bed, now." You told her after she yelped from the hit across her shoulder. "Jesus! Let me go piss, and then I'll go!" You tsked as Ellie quickly and efficiently moved out the front door, to go and do whatever she needed to do.

"Un-fucking-believable." You had only managed to get out, before sitting down on the couch. Joel had let out a small sigh as he removed his gun that was slung over his shoulder. "Kid's got'ta mouth." He sat down beside you, arm now draping around your shoulder. "I fucking know! How does she even- even know what that shit means? Swear ta' god, I was her age'n playin' with barbies."

After not replying to this, knowing it was just going to keep setting you off, he began to unbutton his shirt. You had glanced down, taking the hint Joel was giving to you. You had tugged at the hem of your jeans, sliding them off. This wasn't for sex, not tonight. You two had known each other for years, and you trusted each other with your lives, so you were both able to get undressed in front of each other without a caring what the other would think.

After Joel was just in his jeans, and you were just in your shirt and underwear, you two had melted into the couch. The couch was the cleanest part of the entire room, which was a huge plus- though, even if it wasn't, you would still have a great sleep on it shortly. Joel had his arm wrapped around you once again, and you were pulled into his bare chest. He hated PDA, so it was perfect when the two of you were just alone- even though Ellie knew something was up between the two of you.

"Can we take the day off tomorrow?" Your voice wasn't loud, just barely loud enough for him to hear. You ear was pressed against his chest, head rising everytime he inhaled and exhaled. "'M sorry, ya' know we can't." After Joel had said this, an audible exhale was heard through the room. Joel's thumb started to rub up and down your shoulder, his hand staying in place. "Don'tcha worry, baby. Only a bit longer, then we'll get time, 'kay?"

Before you had time to respond, you heard a booming sound coming from a bit away. It was an engine. You shot up, causing Joel's arm to fall off of you. He had grunted as he sat up, his brain running a thousand miles per minute right now. Then, you two both had a moment of realization. "Ellie."

It felt like an eternity for the both of you before you had your clothes back on, when in reality it only took about fifteen seconds. "We shouldn't have fuckin' let her go out there." Joel had stated as he grabbed his gun and quickly made his way to the door. You were on his heel as Ellie was to you earlier, praying nothing had happened to her. If something did, you would never forgive yourself- and Joel sure as hell wouldn't forgive you either, despite it not being any of your fault.

The door had burst open as the two of you emerged from it, eyes scanning everywhere all at once, looking for the small brunette. As you did this, you could see some sort of headlights approaching quickly. You had grabbed Joel's arm and pulled him down with you. By the speed the car was approaching at, they wouldn't see you at all if you were on the ground. Joel had his gun aimed towards the approaching vehicle (the only reason he hadn't taken a shot was because he couldn't get a clear one, due to how fas the car was going).

Before you could even process it, the car was stopped in front of where you and Joel were, and the window had rolled down. A honk or two was set out, very loudly. You still weren't able to process what was happening, neither did Joel. Finally, after a moment or two, you snapped back (harshly) into reality). "Is that-"

"Get in fuckers, we're going on a road trip!" The familiar brunette you two were so scared you had lost was, in fact, sitting in the front seat of this random pickup truck, the biggest fucking grin on her face. You were on your feet just after Joel was on his, he looked like he was about to kill someone. "Get out'ta the fuckin' car, Ellie." He had slung his rifle back over his shoulder once he knew that she wasn't some sort of raider.

"No can do, Joel-ly boy. I already got yours and the princess's bags in the back. Hop in, I need to show you this cool fuckin' shit I found!" You had only turned to look at Joel, his view still at the young girl. He was thinking to himself. First of all, how the fuck did Ellie find the keys for the corresponding car, and how the fuck was she able to drive it without any previous experience or help? He was dumbfounded at the moment.

All you could do was grab Joel's arm and lead him to the car, Ellie was refusing to get out and well- you promised to teach her how to drive. God, he was going to kill you later. "I told her I'd uh- you know, teach her." You had audibly gulped, your eyes not meeting Joel's. He was silent, the only thing heard was some Brittany Spears song Ellie had playing.

Once your eyes had met his for a split second, he gave a 'fine, but we're having a long talk about this later' look to you. You opened the door for him like the nice person you were, and he hesitantly got in. You were so nervous right now, you felt like you had broken Joel's trust by doing this. But hey, if for some reason Ellie is on her own in the future, she needs to know how to drive a car.

You made your way to the other side and got in the passenger seat. Joel was sitting in the middle seat of the second row, his hands resting on the shoulder of the seats in front. Once the door was shut, you most definitely did your seat belt up. You had turned your head to eye Ellie, as she just grinned at you. "First rule, always wear your fuckin' seatbelt."

You could tell her heart fell by this, "Right- my bad." She quickly pulled the piece of material over her chest and into the lock. "Alright, now-" She had reached over you, and to the compartment in front. "I found some killer albums. Ones that our Joel-ly boy would love. I'm playing them so the mood isn't totally fucked."

You shook your head, eyeing Joel through the rearview mirror. He met the gaze, looking absolutely annoyed. Though, he was silent and just watching what the two of you were doing. Ellie had finished fumbling with the tapes, and removed the one that was playing. She put the new one into the radio system, and tossed the recently-played one into the compartment. The play button was hit.

"Okay, uh- where do I start? I guess now we talk about the gears? Basically, you'll take the shift and-" Your heart had dropped as you were suddenly cut off by the engine roaring, and now going about eighty miles an hour. For some fucking reason, Ellie was laughing. You and Joel were sure as hell not laughing, as a matter of a fact, Joel was screaming with you.

Some 'oh my fucking god!'s and some 'stop!'s were heard through the music, that was now blaring through the car's speakers. Taking a fraction of a second to listen into the music, you had figured out it was Highway to Hell by AC/DC, an old rock band that was popular when Joel was growing up. How fucking fitting for these circumstances.

Joel's hand, from the back seat, had found your shoulder as he held you to the back of your seat. He didn't have his seatbelt on, but he didn't care. He had to make sure you wouldn't go fucking flying through the front windshield if Ellie came to a halting stop. "Stop the fuckin' car! Slowly- off the gas! Jesus Christ!" He was screaming from the back.

Sure, adrenaline was an exhilarating feeling every once in a while, but going eighty miles an hour in a car from someone with zero driving experience? Not exhilarating one bit. Though, Ellie would beg to differ. She was draining out the screams and panicked tones coming from both you and Joel, and was just having a great time.

After another minute or two of screaming and pleading for the girl to stop, the song came to an end- and so did her manic driving. "Ellie-" You were panting, like you had just ran a marathon. In reality, you were panting because you had just held your breath from the exact time the engine accelerated, until now. "-Ellie, pull the fucking car over. Please god." You were in no means religious, but right now you felt like you needed to go to church and pray.

Ellie didn't really know how to pull over properly, so she just- swerved off the road and pushed the car's "off" button. Joel's hand had fell from your shoulder, and he brought both to his face. He covered his face by his hands for a moment, and Ellie smiled to herself. She felt accomplished by this, even though she almost fucking killed everyone (including herself).

After a moment of silence, Joel had made a sound. It sounded like he was crying. Both you and Ellie, in unity, had turned to him in the backseat. It was so muffled that you did think Joel was crying. You immediately brought your hand to his knee, your heart still racing from what had just happened.

It was only after you did this that you realized he was in fact not crying, but had bursted out with laughter. Joel fucking Miller, the most serious man on the planet, was laughing after he almost just died. You had removed your hand from his knee and turned back forward, shaking your head and crossing your arms. "This isn't funny, Joel!"

Ellie turned back after you, glancing in your direction. She couldn't help but burst out with laughter too. Not at you, but at everything (it also didn't help that she, along with you two, were exhausted). Your gaze went from forward, to the left of you, to Ellie. You could only shake your head, disappointed.

But, if you were disappointed, why had you started to laugh as well? This situation sure as hell wasn't funny, to you at least. "I hate you guys." You managed to get out between your laughter fits. Even if you were setting a bad example right now, you couldn't help it. Everyone's laugh was so contagious, despite the current situation.

Moments like this, you would remember forever. You would remember this as the time your psycho kid almost killed you while driving for the first time, and all three of you bursting out with laughter afterward. Even though the world had ended, you couldn't help but enjoy the small moments like this, where you almost died (but didn't), just being surrounded by the people you had loved more than anything. You had learned so much from moments like this, like not to let a fucking fourteen your old girl drive a car without proper lessons, or that Joel Miller was in fact not made out of stone, and he was able to laugh alongside the rest of you.

Even though the world you used to know was gone, you were happy that, whenever it came, you would get to spend your last minutes surrounded by the people you loved most. Joel and Ellie.

—

highway to hell, ac/dc

[galactic-magick]

Beach Day: Adam Warlock x Reader

Summary: Seeing your boyfriend on the beach awakens your insecurities about dating a perfect golden boy, and said boyfriend is more than willing to silence those insecurities.

Words: 0.9k

Warnings: talk of insecurities, also some making out

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You never thought you’d be having a beach day with the Guardians of the Galaxy—but here you are, sitting on a sandy towel within eyesight of beautiful waves. The sky on this planet is a gorgeous purple, reflecting on the water. Phyla, Rocket, and Groot are building the most complex sandcastle you’ve ever seen, Kraglin is using the trees for target practice, and Adam is playing fetch with Cosmo. It’s quite peaceful—a nice slowdown from the last chaotic mission you had.

This was somewhat your idea actually, since you mentioned a memory of going to the beach back home on Earth. Everyone on the team had either never been to a beach before or it had been so long they didn’t remember what it was like, so the next planet you came across you decided to take a mini vacation.

Your boyfriend, Adam, was definitely the most excited. Not only did he want to experience something like this with you, but he never would’ve had something like this with the Sovereign. Beaches are messy, and certainly no place for an elite race of people.

Still, even though Adam’s been removed from that world for over a year now, he continues to be out of place. You watch him as he laughs with the others, the sound of an angel. His hair falls all over the place, but even when it’s tousled it’s still perfect. His golden skin glistens in the sunlight, complimenting the purple sky. His body is perfectly sculpted, not a single flaw in sight. He is gorgeous in every way.

You’ve never told him how it makes you feel sometimes, dating a man who was quite literally designed to be perfect. You’re just a normal Terran, full of blemishes and insecurities. You have more faults and defects than you can count, both on the inside and the outside. You look so plain compared to him, and even beyond appearances you’re not sure how much you really have to offer him.

After the sun sets, you all pack up and head back to the ship for the night to sleep. Adam notices something is off with you as you settle down in your shared quarters, which greatly confuses and concerns him.

“Are you alright?” he asks, taking a step towards you. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah I had fun,” you turn your back to him while you change into your pajamas, “I’m fine,”

He grabs the hem of your pajama shirt as you’re putting it on, pulling the rest of it down as his knuckles graze your sides. He then snakes his arms under your arms gently, wrapping them around you in a hug.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,”

You sigh, turning around to face him, “I did have fun. I’m not lying about that part,”

“Good!” he smiles, “But you’re not fine?”

“I’m fine, I’m just...not feeling good about myself,”

An even deeper wave of concern falls over his features, “You don’t feel good? Are you sick?”

You can’t help but laugh despite your melancholy. Sometimes you forget he still doesn’t understand many things.

“Not that kind of not feeling good, more like I don’t like myself right now. I’ve just been getting in my head a lot and overthinking stuff,”

“How could you not like yourself? You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met! Did something happen today that made you feel this way?”

“It’s going to sound so stupid-”

He puts a finger to your mouth, “Hush. It’s not stupid if it hurt your feelings like this,”

“But what if it was you?”

His eyes widen, “I hurt you?”

“Well, no. I don’t know. Ugh…” you sit down on the bed, face in your hands. “You didn’t directly hurt me or anything. I guess...I guess I just don’t understand why someone like you is with someone like me,”

He comes to sit beside you as you continue.

“I mean, you’re so perfect, and I’m very much not. You look like heaven as a person and I can’t find a single thing wrong with you. Watching you on the beach today made me think about how beautiful you are. And it’s not even just that, you’re also the sweetest person ever. You treat me better than anyone I’ve ever been with in the past, and your heart is just as golden as your skin. I just don’t get what you see in me when you’re...well...you,”

Adam is stunned at your words, instantly feeling horrible for indirectly making you feel this way. In his mind, everything is the exact opposite. He sees you as the perfect person, and himself as just a messed up monster with gold plating. He couldn’t possibly put into words what he feels for you and how he sees you.

So rather than fumbling over his words, he takes your face in his hands and kisses you, tenderly and passionately. After caressing and kissing every feature, he moves down to your neck and shoulders, roaming his hands over your back and torso. There’s nothing needy about his movements, only a pure demonstration of his undying love for you.

He doesn’t go too far down before coming back up to capture your lips, remaining there while his hands smooth over the rest of your body. He pulls your close, as close as he can without risking hurting you with his strength. He touches you like you’re a masterpiece, a piece of art created from the divine. He’s grateful beyond belief that you’ve chosen him as a partner, and he knows he wouldn’t be who he is now without you.

He pulls away for a brief minute, looking into your eyes.

“You’re the one who’s perfect, not me,” he says. “Don’t you dare believe anything different,”

You nod in understanding before bringing his lips back to yours, determined to return the intense amount of love he just gave you.

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Read this to make a Guardians request!

[notmyprey]

Tw: A LOT of fatal vore mentions!!!! Injury and some gore. But keep in mind, no one dies, just gets badly hurt.

Betrayal part 1

I've never had many people trust me. It's not that I break promises or that I steal, nothing like that. I just rarely get close to people. But then I met you.

It's been months since I first found out you had been living in the walls of my apartment. Exactly how long have you been there? Neither of us knew, since you dont track time too well, and I hadn't known you were even here till recently. But from what I've gathered from your ramblings, it's been at least a year.

It took a while for you to work up the courage to see me. At first, you wouldn't even come out of the home you had made between my walls. But after about a week of us talking through the wooden panels, I finally convinced you to come out.

The first thing I noticed was that you were small, you were so small, in fact, I could easily compare you to the size of the Barbie dolls I used to play with.

After that, we hit it off. We were best friends, I believe. You loved listening to me talk about the outside world, and I listened to you talk about what new movie you watched. Sometimes, we would talk while cooking together, others we would lie in bed, with you atop my chest listening to my heart while I described what it's like to go to the store.

We were close, very close. That's at least what it looked like. But deep down, something else was stirring, a buzz in my brain that had been there since the day I first heard your voice. I didn't actually care about you. That's what I had to convince myself to think.

All I was doing was waiting for the perfect time to act, that's all. I didn't care about you, I refused to think how lonely I would be without you. I didn't actually like you, never.

I didn't wake up at night and lay my hand across your chest just to know if you were still breathing. I didn't glance over at you when I joked, just to see your smile. I never saw you like that. Because the voices told me you were nothing more than food.

If I thought too much deeper, I knew I would never be able to look at you again for the amount of shame I'd feel would be too great. So I didn't think about it. You were food, and I refused to think any deeper.

Although the voices were hungry, I told myself that I must wait for the perfect conditions. You had to be tired, so you wouldn't squirm too much. I had to have gotten a good nights rest, so I could chase you if needed. No one could be coming to my house that day, nor could I have any meetings. I needed to just have gone grocery shopping so that people wouldn't hear or see you withering in my gut. This list continued, being added almost endlessly any time I thought of something else to make it even just a little bit longer. But most importantly, I needed you to trust me. I needed to wait until you trusted me more than anything.

I didn't think that would happen. I never thought all conditions would ever be met, and I think some small part of me created the conditions to never be met. But today, when I got out of bed and turned to face you, that's when I knew each box had been checked.

I tried to turn back, I really did. But the voices had grown louder than ever before, and before I knew it, I was gripping your tiny form in between both of my hands.

You didn't move. You didn't even struggle, only gazing up at me, confusion and worry spreading across your face.

Like that, we stayed for a moment, my hungry eyes not seeming to be understood by you. You smile at me and ask if I'm alright, I didn't respond. I knew if I took even the slightest effort to talk, every emotion I had held back behind the wall of hunger would spill out. So I didn't talk.

Instead, I focused on the now. This is the moment I have waited months for. This is the moment I've envisioned in ever so much detail. How nice you would feel on my tongue, the small kicks that would start to come from my stomach as you fought against your final resting place. But between the hungry voices, gnawing at my brain, telling me to shove you down my awaiting throat, I found myself thinking of the stuff I've avoided for so long. How I would miss you small weight on my chest, how I would miss you talking durring movies, telling me about how this actor played in another movie, or how the sequel contradicts whats said in the original.

Shaking, I held you up closer, my hands moving without me telling them to. I thought of how much I've grown to like you. Your head touched my tongue, sending chills of flavor unlike any other down my spine. I thought about how much you trusted me. You didn't move, limply letting my tongue move around your face. I thought about how much love you had shown me. I swallowed, sending your head and sholders into my throat. I thought about how much I felt I needed you here with me. Another swallow, this one more powerful, sending your whole torso and upper legs into the confines of my throat. You meant so much to me. One more swallow, and all that was left were your feet in my mouth. But you're only food, right? The rest of you was sent into the ever waiting void of my throat with one more slow, thick gulp.

My head started to feel heavy since you took up quite a bit of the space in my throat, space that was often used to breathe. But soon, I felt you slip into my stomach. I brased myself, waiting for the kicks that were soon to come. But I felt nothing. A small flicker of movement in my abdomen made me flinch, but it quickly stopped again.

I wanted to run my hand across you, but something seemed to be stopping me. Guilt, perhaps? I think whatever it was, it was the same thing stopping me from looking down on myself. I felt gross, somewhat sick, almost like I had just eaten something I wasn't supposed to. Perhaps that was the guilt, too?

"Did I taste good?" Your small voice echoed through my head. I could hardly think it was real, but it would have been hard to have guilt hallucinate a voice from someone now so close to me.

I couldn't bring myself to answer, not because the answer was unclear, but because my voice refused to come out. No matter how I tried, the most I could do was whine a pathetic, "ya," in response.

Tears started to flow down my cheeks. Everything felt overwhelming all of a sudden. I flopped onto the floor, bringing my knees to my chest. As I did so, I could feel you curl up too, your tiny form now compressed more now that I was putting more pressure on my middle.

That's when I started crying. Goodness knows why, but now Im sure the emotion I was feeling was horrible, gut-wrenching guilt. Months of effort, love, and care down the drain because I couldn't contain myself.

Your small hand pressed against me from the inside, I think you started talking, but my head was throbbing, drowning out your words. Without warning, you screamed out in pain. Your speaking became more panicked, like something was stealing your ability to breathe. Soon, you had started crying, too.

I could hardly take it, my heart wrenched ever so painfully. How had I ever thought I should do this? How could I ever do this? The illness in my stomach came to its peak, and my eyes started to blur as I hunched over. You started to get forced back up my throat. Soon, I tasted you once again on my tongue, this time though you didn't taste pleasant.

It was a mixture of your original sweetness, but it was nearly drowned out completely by the bitter acid and sour blood that came with it.

Soon, through the tears still draining from my eyes, I saw your body hit the floor in a mixture of other fluids. While still foggy, my mind seemed to work with me, telling my arms to scoop you up and for my legs to tumble towards the bathroom. I set you down in the sink, not even bothering to wipe my blurry eyes as I turn on the cold water. With a couple of blinks, my vision cleared enough to focus. Your left eye was swollen, closed shut with red and yellow liquid flowing around it. Though comparatively, the rest of you didn't look nearly as bad, I knew it still hurt. Any time I glanced at a new area of exposed skin, I found a new red burn, showing the bloody flesh underneath.

You started to shiver, but I couldn't take you out of the water yet. I needed to make sure all of the acid was off of you. Soon though, after I thought that everything was rinsed off, I sped to the closet to grab a towel, then started gently drying you off. While you continued to dry off and wrap the towel around you, I rummaged through my first aid kit to find something to wrap over your eye.

Dropping to one knee to get a better look, I gently placed some tissue over your eye, then wrapped a cloth bandage over it to keep it in place.

I dropped my hands to my side, unable to take my eyes off you. Not even 20 minutes ago, you had been smiling up at me, happy and healthy. Now, I knew I'd never see that side of you again.

[musings-ofthe-unamused]

Blood Red Wine (Genshin Impact)

Pairing: Kaeya x Reader or Diluc x Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Blood, gore

A/N: I swear I'll make the sequels to these soon

Angel's Share was a safe space for a lot of people. Adventurers, merchants, and knights all frequented here for a nice drink after a long day. You were one of those people. You worked at the General Goods shop. It wasn't tough work. In fact, it was rather dull. Your whole life was dull, filled with no adventures or fun. You let out a groan, resting your head on the cool wood of the counter. You could feel the warmth of alcohol coursing through your body. 

"It's so unfair!" You groaned once again. "Everyone's life is so exciting!"

A hand patted your back as a soothing voice filled your ears. "There, there."

"No!" You lifted your head, looking over at the man sitting next to you. "I want adventure! I'm tired of living in this stupid city!"

"And leave us behind? I'm hurt."

"Kaeya, stop teasing."

You pouted. "Yeah, listen to Diluc. Stop teasing."

Kaeya only sipped on his drink, stifling a laugh. Diluc sighed and started to clean the counter. It wasn't often you got drunk like this. But every once in a while, you wanted to complain about how boring your life seemed to be compared to everyone else in the world. Even the two brothers who always fought led interesting lives. Kaeya was a cavalry captain that got to travel whenever he wanted. Diluc owned Dawn Winery and met all sorts of interesting people. Though, you were sure both of them had something hidden that they wouldn't tell you about.

You knew they weren't bad people. You've known them for some time now. Kaeya was one of your best friends. Sure, he teased you a lot, but he actually kept you from spiraling into a fit of depression from how lackluster your life is. He made things fun . Diluc, on the other hand, was reliable. Reasonable. He was the logic and sometimes he doled out the harsh words that you needed to hear. They were like the perfect pair, really. What one lacked in the other excelled at. It didn’t seem like it to outsiders, but they got along pretty well. Their bantering words and insults usually held hidden meaning that you picked up on fairly early into meeting them.

You slid your empty glass forward. “More.”

“No,” Diluc grabbed the glass and started to clean it out. “I’m cutting you off. Unless you want water.”

“But I’m not even drunk!! Just a little tipsy, is all.”

“And I don’t want you drinking to the point of you getting drunk.”

“Come now, it was only one or two drinks. Would you like a sip of mine?” Kaeya leaned forward and slid his glass towards you.

“They don’t have a tolerance to alcohol like you do, you drunk.”

“It’s better than being a prude and not drinking at all.”

Diluc’s lip curled up in disdain. “If I wanted to make a fool of myself like you so often do, then I would drink it. But I don’t.”

“Ouch. Your words hurt, dear brother. You make it sound like I’m an alcoholic.”

“Are you not here every night?”

“Better than being alone.”

“I’m not alone.”

“You guys fight too much.” You stood up, swaying slightly as you did so. Your vision was wobbly and you blinked, shaking your head. “Oh, I think that drink was stronger than I thought.”

Kaeya stood immediately steadying you while Diluc leaned across the counter, reaching a hand out. It felt nice to have the two looking after you. “I wanna go home.”

“Kaeya?” Diluc said it more like a command, leaning back once he saw you were steady. 

“Of course. Let’s go, sweetheart.”

“ Kaeya . Don’t try anything.”

Kaeya only scoffed in response, as if offended Diluc would even think he would do something like that. You waved goodbye to Diluc as Kaeya wrapped his arm around you and walked you out of the tavern. It was already nighttime, the streets slowly emptying as people made their ways home. Diluc and Kaeya would both switch walking you home, sometimes both at the same time. They were overprotective at best. You didn’t know why, not that it concerned you. You were glad to have people at your side. If it was nighttime, they grew especially anxious. Even now, Kaeya’s face was relaxed, but his eyes flitted around as the two of you walked. You could never find out what had them looking around like that and never got a straight answer either. Mondstadt was relatively safe. So what had them so worried?

You were too tipsy to even care. You had gotten used to it at this point. Instead, you leaned against Kaeya, sighing as wrapped his arm even tighter around your shoulders. His cool body temperature felt nice against your hot skin. He was always cold. He said it never bothered him. It was nice in the summer and especially nice when you were drunk and overheated. It was always nice being around him.

“You doing ok, sweetheart?” His voice was soothing and sweet. “We’re almost to your place.”

“‘m just sleepy. Wanna get in bed.” Your words slurred together from both the alcohol and exhaustion.

He laughed, patting your head. Alright, alright.”

Once you arrived at your home, Kaeya made sure you got in safe. He tucked you into bed, set a glass of water by your bedside, and stayed with you until you fell asleep. The last thing you remember as you drift off is Kaeya smiling down at you.

***

The cellar in the tavern was dark and damp. It was the perfect conditions for the wine barrels lined against the wall and the shelf of expensive looking bottles. Diluc was naming out dates as you wrote down the information on the clipboard. You helped him out with inventory every now and then, especially when it was your day off and you didn’t want to be left alone. He insisted that Charles or Elzer could handle it, but you did so anyway. It was your own way of telling him you wanted to spend more time with him.

“That drunk bard needs to be cut off…” Diluc muttered, crossing his arms as he looked over all the barrels. “We’re down two bottles of wine imported from Inazuma. All because he went overboard.”

“I mean, don’t you want people to drink the expensive ones? More money, right?”

He shook his head. “More trouble, especially when it comes to him. He rarely even pays.”

“He seems like a fun guy,” I reply, following Diluc up the stairs. “But I guess I’ve never been around when he gets drunk.”

“Good.”

You set the clipboard down on the counter as Diluc starts preparing for the open of the tavern. He’s been working here more than normally. From what he and Kaeya have both said, he prefers to work back at Dawn Winery. But recently, he had opted for working at the bar. You joined him in cutting fruit for the drinks.

“No need to do that much. I can handle it.”

You shook your head, carefully cutting the fruit into slices. “You know I don’t mind. I like hanging out with you like this. It’s better than you seeing me drunk.”

“You already work a full time job-“

“That I hate. I’d rather be working with people I actually like. Like you.”

A comfortable silence fell over the both of you. Diluc’s shoulder brushed yours as he shined cups, making sure everything was pristine. When you were with him, you didn’t feel the need to talk. Just his presence was enough to fill you with a sense of calm and security. Even if he was annoyingly stern at times, it was how he showed he cared for you. You'd probably be a drunkard if it weren't for him. 

You wince, sighing as you accidentally cut your finger. "Oops."

"Did you cut yourself?" Diluc set down the glass and rag, immediately putting his attention on you. "Let me see."

"It's just a small cut."

Diluc leaned in, bringing your finger closer to his face to inspect it. His hands were warm, his eyes trained on the cut. You studied the way his red hair fell in front of his eyes, soft and slipping out of the hair tie. He clicked his tongue, looking up at you with a disapproving gaze. You were always clumsy and this was a common look you got whenever you accidentally hurt yourself. A bead of blood formed on the cut, slowly dripping down your finger. It slid onto Diluc's hand. He flinched, as if he just got burned.

"Oh, sorry! I'll go clean it off." You went to pull away, but he held onto your hand tightly.

"No. It's fine." He dragged you over to the sink. He was acting weird . You noticed his ears were tinged red and his breathing was slightly heavier than normal. He grabbed a small cloth, placing it over the cloth and holding it tightly. 

You blinked. "Uhm…you can let go now."

"What? Oh. Right." He seemed to shake himself out of whatever state he was in. "Be more careful next time."

His words were curt and he left to go to the backroom. You just stared, completely confused. There it was again. It was so odd , the way that Diluc or Kaeya would sometimes act out of the ordinary. You never found Diluc to be queasy when it came to blood, but he acted like it almost disgusted him. 

Just as quickly as it happened, he came back with a bandage and acted like nothing happened. You stayed silent as he placed it over your cut, sealing it tightly. Diluc patted your head and then went back to cleaning the glasses. It made you think that you were just being delusional. There was nothing wrong with them. 

***

There was definitely something wrong. You were sure the tavern would be open. It normally was. It was a Friday night and the night had barely begun. After you had gone home earlier, you realized you left behind your bag. You expected to see everyone drinking and celebrating the upcoming weekend. Yet the place was eerily silent. You took a couple of tentative steps inside. A feeling of dread washed over you. You shouldn't be here. You knew you shouldn't…and yet, you still called out for Diluc or Charles, your voice quiet and meek as if you've done something wrong.

When there was no response, you finally decided to check the backroom. The closer you got, the more that dread turned into pure fear. You could hear hushed voices. You recognized them instantly and you wish you hadn't. A deep metallic smell drifted from behind the closed door and towards your nose. Don't open the door. Your mind was practically screaming at you to stop. Whatever you would see behind it would change everything.

Morbid curiosity got a hold of you. Nausea hit you like a gust of wind as you opened the door. You almost thought you were having a nightmare. The sight in front of you was grotesque. Diluc and Kaeya stared at you in shock as they paused in whatever they were doing. On the table in front of them was a pitcher filled with a dark red liquid. Next to the pitcher was a pile of dead- you couldn't even make out what they were. It was just dead carcasses, their blood, guts, and viscera spilling out. You went pale.

"What are you doing here?!" Diluc hissed. His hands and cheek were smeared with blood. "The pub is closed tonight!"

Kaeya stepped around the table, moving toward you. "Are you alright? You look pale."

You took a step backwards. Then another. Your head was swimming as you tried to keep your composure. "Wh-What are you- why are you…I think I'm gonna be sick."

You turned to the side to throw up but found yourself fainting instead. All you could see was the pile of flesh and blood. You felt cold and hot at the same time as your vision went blurry. You could feel arms wrap around you, voices sounding like they are muted and far away.

 "Hey…hey, wake up." There was a pause. "Damn it, Diluc. Did you not say that you were closing for the day?"

"I wasn't exactly in the position to do so. It's your fault for forgetting to restock the blood supply."

"What do we do? We have to tell-"

"No, we can't."

"Then how else do you suggest we explain this situation?"

"Figure it out."

"You are so insufferable. This is why Father-"

" I'm insufferable? That's so rich coming from you, Kaeya."

A groan escapes your mouth as you finally come to. The rotten smell still made your stomach turn, but at least you were able to stay conscious. Kaeya had your head resting in his lap while Diluc kneeled next to him. You sat up, trying to scoot away. They were both still covered in blood.

Kaeya leaned forward. "Easy there-"

"What the fuck?!" Your eyes were focused on Kaeya's mouth. Two sharp canines jutted out in place of his normal teeth. "What the hell are you?!"

Diluc's eyes widen as he slaps his hand over Kaeya's mouth. "Calm down, alright? Let us explain."

You shake your head, your heart pounding in your chest as you try to move away from them. You could see Diluc's own teeth protruding from his lips. Suddenly, everything they ever did was flashing through your mind. Escorting you home at night, always being close enough to smell you, acting odd whenever you accidentally got a cut. You wanted to throw up. You wanted to run away. And yet, you just stared at them in disbelief.

"I'm waiting." You said, your voice hoarse and shaky. You tried not to let the fear show but you knew you were failing.

"To start-"

You held up  your hand. "Wait! N-not…I can't do it in front of the carcasses. And clean off the blood please ."

The two looked at each other and then nodded. You stood and went out to the main section of the tavern. You decided to pour yourself a drink. You automatically reached for the red wine, but froze. Not the right choice. Instead, you made yourself some sort of fruity concoction that would go down easy. After you were finished, you sat at the bar and waited for them to come back out. When they did, they looked as they normally did. Kaeya tried to remain cool and calm, giving you a soft smile as he sat next to you. Diluc took his normal spot behind the counter, leaning against it with his hands clasped together.

Diluc cleared his throat. "Alright. Well, to begin…" He trailed off. 

"We're vampires."

"Kaeya!!"

"How else do you want me to explain it?" Kaeya glared over at Diluc before turning his attention on you. He gave you that same lighthearted smile you were so used to seeing. 

You felt like your head was going to explode. You took a long sip of your drink. "So…What am I? Prey?"

Kaeya laughed. "Only if you want to be."

"Honestly," Diluc sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Have some tact. No, you're not our prey. We'd never bite you without your permission. Or any human, for that matter. We tend to stick to animal blood. It's safer."

You slowly nod. "So…I'm assuming Crepus was a vampire. But what about you, Kaeya?"

"Father thought it was best to turn me at a young age. Though, I practically begged to be turned. I thought it was the coolest thing." Kaeya laughed, as if the memory was fond to him. "The transition turned out to be unpleasant but it was necessary. Been living like this ever since."

"It was also a noisy transition. You couldn't stop screaming."

"You would scream too, if-"

"Can you guys stop fighting for one second?" You rubbed the bridge of your nose. This was insane. "I'm going home."

Kaeya placed his on your shoulder to keep you from leaving. You flinched, as if you just had been burned by his touch. He moved his hand away. The hurt was evident in his eyes. But what could you do? Just act like this was normal? That it was fine your two best friends have been lying to you your whole life? No, that wasn't fair. It wasn't right . 

You stand up without another word. You couldn't say anything else. You knew you shouldn't or you'd say something you might regret. Despite their secrets, you still didn't want to see them hurt. You needed time to process everything. If that meant cutting contact for a couple of days, so be it.

Kaeya's eyes widened. "W-wait! Don't go!"

"Stop." Diluc sighed, closing his eyes. "This is for the best. We all need a couple days to cool down. Just…trust them."

Trust. It almost made you want to laugh. If they wanted trust, they should've told you sooner. Or at least, eased you into it. It would've been better than seeing them covered in blood hunched over corpses like in a horror story. 

You make your way to the door, not bothering to look back. You can’t help but jump at every single noise on your walk home. Vampires. They’re vampires . The men who you’ve known and trusted for years. But because of that you couldn’t be completely angry. The fear in Diluc’s eyes that he tried to hide and Kaeya’s hurt expression twisted at your heart. 

You knew, deep down, that you will forgive them. It would take time to get used to this drastic change. You had a million questions that needed answering. And you also knew that they would never hurt you intentionally. They had always looked out for you and always protected you. They were just vampires and not humans. It’s fine.

"Just wait a bit." You told yourself, flopping down onto your bed. "Then you can go and figure things out."

  You just had to figure out who to talk to first. Kaeya was most obviously hurt. He hated getting into any type of conflict and would rather work it out immediately. You wouldn't be surprised if he soon came knocking at your door with a gift and the intention to stay all day. Diluc, on the other hand, was the type to let things fester. He wasn't outward with his emotions. If you've known him long enough it was easy to tell when he's trying to patch things up. You can imagine him fixing things in his own way through acts of service and sidelong glances.

This is a mess. You definitely needed to sleep on it. And sleep came easier than you thought. As you slowly closed your eyes, all you could see were the brothers, staring over you with sharp pointy teeth. Ridiculous.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2023-10-09

Somehow bionicle is in this one

Listening: I looked at the date on my oven yesterday and it was 08-10 and I was like hey isn't that Bionicle Day. The answer is no, because it's Americans and Bionicle Day was the tenth of August. Anyway turns out that this year some fans got the original voice of Vakama to do a tribute video? And also Cryoshell dropped a new song.

Cryoshell is one of the funniest bands I know. They had little success until they got contracted in by an ad agency to do music for Bionicle, they did Creeping in My Soul for the Voya Nui arc in 2007 and ended up getting contracted in basically every year after that to whip up some music for Bionicle. They remain to this day extremely closely associated with the Bionicle fandom, like, you know, releasing their latest track on Bionicle day.

They are, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, and with all the love in my heart, the Evanescence we have at home. Bionicle had just saved Lego less than a decade earlier and the media effort around Bionicle was very well designed, which included making the perfect AMV soundtrack for 13 year olds to set their stop motion Bionicle fight scenes to. Of course I don't know anything about using a webcam and extremely dubious stop motion software to produce extensive Bionicle fanvideos. What are you talking about.

I am going to leave it here but there is so much to say about Cryoshell. Seriously just go look it up. Their music is actually very good if you like that particular symphonic metal alt rock style that was so emblematic of the 2000's.

Reading: Ended up on a research dive about small towns, because I now live in a country with a lot of small towns. Attempting to do and find a comparative anatomy of how small towns are administered around the world and what drives their success or failure. There is a lot of stuff from the Trump years when he apparently made some gestures towards the idea that people should just move out of doomed towns.

As always in the USA, housing affects everything, both in that homeownership ties people to their towns and that moving to a new city requires paying often prohibitively expensive rents. There are a lot of conservative blogs taking on this question and doing some dubious interpretations of mostly good data.

I am teasing at the thread of "limits of local government in small towns" which seems to be leading somewhere but it's still not well supported. There's a lot of factors.

Watching: the Loading Ready Run 20th Anniversary Subathon is on until this Friday. Since I was mostly watching during American night I caught primarily their watchalong of old videos, which is cute but not exactly that novel. I do like LRR.

Making: More 3D printing, trying to get the hang of modelling off a photo to make a nozzle adapter for my vacuum cleaner. Also made a little stand for my temperature and humidity sensor so I can see it when I'm sitting down or standing up more easily.

Playing: Beat Breath of the Wild finally. It was so long.

The final fight was kind of anticlimactic, between the assists you get from the divine beasts and all your power-ups I feel like I didn't have to puzzle it out as much as I did for some of the blight Ganon fights. I have kind of accepted that I just don't like the endings of most video games.

I did first go around and do the Champions' Ballad DLC quest because I stumbled into it, it's a nice set of little challenges plus some vignettes of the champions to help characterize them some more. I kind of wish you could walk around the world post-endgame and like, talk to some of the people you've met and see what they have to say. Eh.

Tools and Equipment: I have been storing my butter at room temperature the past few weeks, because it makes it much easier to spread. Modern butter is both very high fat and pasteurized so it won't go off for well over a week even if you just left it out, but the main concern is rancidity, which can happen quite quickly.

My Pro Tip is that you don't have to store the whole damn block. Euro butter is 250g blocks and I cut that into four ~60g cubes that I keep in a sealed plastic container in the cupboard one at a time. Just top it up as you go. I think American sticks are like 100g so you could cut it in half. South African butter usually comes in 500g so you'd have to cut that in like eighths.

[skyteller143]

TILL DEATH DO US PART (2) •C.STURNIOLO

PARTS: 1

warnings: alcohol, swearing (i think that’s it if there’s more comment and i’ll add it)

authors note: sorry for leaving y’all i’ve been busy but here’s part 2 finally!

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It’s been a week since school started and it’s been hell. everyday in first period i have to sit next to Chris sturniolo.

he’s so annoying, with his stupid hair and his stupid laugh. Just everything about his annoys me.

“you’re quiet today” i say to the boy next to me who has his head rested on the desk. “you alright?” i ask him, it was out of genuine concern for his well-being. “Ugh can you shut up for five seconds i’ve got a pounding headache, i was at a party last night cause i actually have friends” he scoffs before turning the other way. “what the fuck i was being nice for once you prick” i roll my eyes, he just looks at me and mimes him zipping his lips and throwing away a key.

-

“he’s such an asshole.” i groan and look at ivy, who is doing her makeup at her vanity. “he’s actually not” she shrugs. “how would you know you’ve never met him” i raise my eyebrows at her. “yes i have, he’s literally my locker neighbour this year of course i’ve met him” she looks at me, “AND he’s actually really sweet when you get to know him.” i roll my eyes at her. Chris is anything but nice. he’s never been nice. we went to the same elementary school but ended up parting ways in middle school. we actually used to be friends. BEST friends may i add, but then one day he changed and became a complete and utter douchebag.

“why are you getting ready anyways i thought we were having a Friday movie night” i say to ivy as she touches up her hair. “oh yeah jake is throwing a party tonight and he asked me to come.” she smirks at the last bit “oh my god, you should totally come with me, be my plus one” she jumps up out of her chair and runs over excitedly. “hell no” i furrow my eyebrows at her and sit up.

i hate party’s everything about them. well not everything, the only good thing was the free booze and smoke you could find around.

“oh please please please!” she jumps around in circles, begging me as if she was a kid asking her mum to buy her a doll she wanted. “girl i don’t have anything to wear so i can’t go” i say trying to think of excuses so i can’t go. “you can just wear my clothes, please just this once” she begs. “fine” i scoff, standing up.

ivy gave me a black, tight dress that showed way to much of my ass then i’d like but she insisted on me wearing it. i did my hair in a messy bun and did a little makeup.

we took a few pictures and then called a taxi to come get us because we knew that we wouldn’t be able to drive ourselves home.

-

we’ve been at the part for about half an hour and i’ve already lost ivy. she’s probably making out with some guy, to be honest i’m glad she’s having fun. i’m not. i’m sat on the couch alone with a vodka lemonade that i’ve hardly drank because every time i go to some drunk person comes near me and i have to move out of there way.

i make my way out to the front of the house to get some peace so i can be as drunk as the rest of the people here.

the cold air hits me and i feel goosebumps form on my exposed thighs. i lean against the railing and look up at the sky. the stars are so pretty; i love the stars because they never leave, sure you can’t see them when it’s day but every night they come back.

after about 5 minutes i finish my drink and head back inside to get another one, my head is feeling a little fuzzy but it’s nothing compared to almost everyone else here.

at this point i decide it’s taking too long to get drunk and i grab a whole bottle of unopened vodka and start chugging it.

“whoa, calm down small tits” someone says as they take the bottle from me. i look over and you’ll never guess who it is “give it back chris!” i snatch it out of his hand and roll my eyes. instead me taking it he pulls it out of my reach and takes a swig of it. “it isn’t yours” he shrugs. “fine” i take it and pour out too shots for us, “whoever backs out first looses.” i hand him a glass. “alright princess” he takes his and downs it as if it’s water, i repeat his actions.

we keep going back and forth, him pouring and then me. i’m definitely drunk now. “you feeling it?” he asks me with a smug look on his face. i smile up at him, clearly drunk “nope” i say dragging it out. “alright then, here” he hands me another one. i down it and pour him one, this time filling it to the brim. he goes to down it but stops half way to laugh. “you look so stupid right now,” he giggle pointing at me. “so do you” i laugh as well “because you just LOST!” i lean forward and stumble a little onto him. “whattt” he’s still laughing, “you filled it to high” he pouts at me. “you still lost” i shrug. “well is there a punishment?” he leans down to me as i’m still leaning on him. “hmmm” i run my chin as if i have a beard. “OO, i know. you have to go and kiss the first person you see that you think is attractive!” i laugh at him as if it’s the most evil thing ever.

seconds later he leans in and connects almost connects our lips.

“Y/N!” i hear someone scream from behind me and i almost leap off him. “THERE YOU ARE IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE!” ivy slurs as she leans on me. “uh-uhm yeah hi” i choke as i hold her up.

suddenly i’m stone cold sober.

“what are you doinggg” she laughs. i look over at chris who looks the same as me, guess he’s sober too.

“your drunk v” i groan at her. “whattt, i would never” she shrugs. i sigh and begin to take her away. i leave without looking back.

——————————————————

i told y’all you would hate me 😔

——————————————————

taglist (if you wanna be added js comment and i’ll add you):

@breeloveschris @lvr444life @gracealwaysdisgrace

[swag696942069]

The Blissful Paradise of a High

Hi, so this is ass. Like, genuinely. I wrote it when I didn't have wifi for two weeks, but this took me two days to write, and its 5167 words 😭 can you tell how bored I was? Any who, it's a Euphoria inspired oneshot that may or may not be turned into an actual fic. I make no promises. Thanks to @transdorcasmeadows for the help with it.

Tw: drug addiction, drug deal(s), self harm, suicide jokes, depictions of drug overdose, depictions of drug relapse, mentions of death (brief), cursing, fighting (they just like, yell at each other, but I know that can still be triggering)

James had made a lot of mistakes in the short seventeen years he had been on this earth.

His biggest one, was the one that ended him up in this place to begin with.

James was currently about to complete his 60th day in rehab, for his 'drug addiction' as his mother, friends, and doctors have told him repeatedly over the past few month.

James doesn't remember exactly what had happend the night of his overdose. No one had told him the full story no matter how many times he'd asked.

All he knew was, he was home alone, Lily got home, heard weird noises coming from his room, and when she went to go check on him, she found James facedown in the middle of the room, in the midst of a seizure, that was caused due to the overdose.

James remembers waking up in his hospital room with, his mom, Lily, and Peter asleep in chairs around his bed.

James remembers feeling a surge of guilt when he realized what was going on.

He didn't remember what happend, but he knew it had to be bad, by the way his mom immediately burst into tears when he shook her awake, and the way she wrapped her arms around his in a bone crushing hug, and refused to let go, even after Lily had ran to get the doctor.

Immediately after he was released, he was taken to a rehab center in the next town over. He was still in his hospital gown.

Peter, and Lily, rode with him and his mom on the way to the clinic, and James remembers singing along to some random song that he didn't remember memorizing the lyrics to, to try and get his friends to laugh, smile, do anything besides silently cry in the backseat.

James had one last group therapy session to go to and then he was home free.

James sat down in his normal seat, and did what he always did during group therapy, stay quiet, and whenever someone looked at him pretending he was doing what he was supposed to.

At the end of the session, the leader of the group, came up to him and gave him a hug, "We're so proud of you James. You've worked so hard. And I know in my heart you'll be able to over come anything after this."

James thought this woman was really fucking stupid. If she had been doing her job, she would be able to tell that half the people here were still doing drugs. Including him. James was high right now for Christ sakes!

James smiled at her, "Thank you, Susan. I really don't know what I would've done without this place. I probably would be curled up in a ditch somewhere by now." James thought that that wasn't such a bad idea actually. Curling up in a nice little ditch didn't seem that bad compared to most things.

She smiled at him again, "I'm just so happy for you James. This is the start of the rest of your life! And if you even feel like using ever again, you just look at this chip," She handed him a fucking drug addict anonymous chip, "and know that you can overcome even the strongest of urges!"

James had never wanted to hit someone so badly in his life before. How is looking at a fucking piece of plastic supposed to stop him from getting high?!

James smiles at her again, "Thank you Susan." He brought her in for another hug. "Thanks for everything." Fucking bitch.

James was escorted out of the building, he saw Lily and his mom parked outside of the facility.

"James!" Lily yelled as soon as she saw him. They both started running, and ended up almost knocking each other down when they met in the middle, wrapping each other up in a hug. "I've really missed you."

"I've missed you too, Lils." James smiled.

When they pulled away, James looked up and smiled at his mom, who was still standing by the car. James threw his arms up in the air, as if to say 'I did it!' His mom looked like she'd aged ten years, she had more wrinkles, her hair was beginning to grey, and she seemed really tired, but when she smiled back at him, James knew it was still his mom there.

On the car ride home, he sat in the back, letting Lily have the front seat, James always preferred the back, made it harder for people to notice how red his eyes were, his mom kept saying something about how proud she was of him, and how this was a good thing, and that this was a new chapter for him. James smiled and nodded along, not really listening to a word she said, too busy looking out the window, he saw a boy on a bike pass them, and for some reason, James couldn't look away, his high was coming down, it had been a few hours since he took anything.

After James put his bags away in his room he went back out into the kitchen and saw his mom sitting at the counter, busily typing away at something on her computer.

"Hey, so I was think of going out, to see some people." He said, trying to sound casual.

"What people?" She asked, not looking up from her computer.

"Just some friends." He said, opening up the fridge and pulling out the jug of orange juice.

When James turned around he was met with the sight of his mother staring at him suspiciously, "What friends? People I know?"

James knew what she meant by that question, were they going to be people he could get drugs from.

"I was thinking about going to see Marls and Mary, maybe Peter, I don't know. I just haven't seen any of them in so long and I," James knew just how to get what he wanted. "I just miss them so much," he let his voice crack a little and let a small tear run down his face, one that he dramatically wiped off, "and I just feel so guilty. They must've been so worried and I want them to know that I'm okay now. That I'm better. Cause," another tear, "I really am mom. I'm better. And I'm just so sorry for everything. I don't know what I was thinking. I was just-" he knew it was a dick move but, "I just miss dad so much."

That was it. That's what really sold it for his mom. "Oh, Baby." She got up and wrapped her arms around him as he cried. "I miss him too. Of course you can go see your friends."

"Really?" He asked, wiping away the fake tears.

"Of course, Baby. Just be back in time for dinner, okay?" She said, wiping away the rest of his tears.

"Of course, mom." He kissed her cheek. "Love you."

"I love you too."

James knew it was wrong to lie to his mom like that, but she would've never let him go if he told her where he was really going.

The Bottom was a convenience store a few blocks away from where James lived. It was run by these two brothers, Frank, and Neville. Frank was a bit of a dumbass, James figured it was all the drugs he did that fried the last of his remaining brain cells. Neville was a bit scary if James was being honest, he was like, twelve, and he knew more about drugs than anyone James had ever met, even more than Frank, and he was his dealer.

When James got to The Bottom, he saw Frank sitting outside on what looked like a old, rained on, couch that was outside for some fucking reason. "What's good, man?" James asked as he walked up to Frank.

"Wassup, man. How've you been? Heard you was in rehab?"

"Yeah, just got out a few hours ago."

"Oh no shit? How was it?"

"Well, ever since I gave my life over to my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, things have been, like, really good." James joked.

Frank obviously missed the punchline. "Oh, that's what's up."

"Dude, Frank, I'm fuckin with you." James laughed.

Frank put his hands up in defense, "Shit man, I don't judge."

"But for real, is Nev in the back?"

Frank gave him a confused look, "What, are you serious? Didn't chu just get outta rehab?"

"What? You think just cause I went to rehab, I stayed clean?" James said with a raised brow, looking around just to make sure no one was around to see this exchange happen.

"Well, ain't that the point?"

"Yeah, well," James started walking backwards into the store, "the world's coming to an end, and I haven't even finished high school yet." James had his hands up as he spun around and made his way fully into the store.

James went to the back of the store, where the fridges are and opened an empty one.

"Hey." James said upon entering and seeing Neville eating a bowl of cereal.

Neville looked up with a dumbstruck, expression on his face, like he'd just seem a ghost, "I thought you were fucking dead."

"What the fuck? Why?" James asked with a look of pure confusion on his face.

"I don't know? That's just what people be sayin and shit."

"Whatever. Got anything?"

"Yeah, yeah." Neville put his bowl of cereal down and opened up a box and pulled out some of James regular. "Wanna try anything new?"

"Like what?" James asked, as he finished putting the narcotics in his pocket.

Neville pulled out two little pills that looked like they could be ecstacy "We got, 2C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT."

James looked at him blankly, "I'm sorry, I have zero fucking idea what you just said."

Neville waved him off, "It doesn't matter. But this shit is fucking lit."

James looked down at the little pill in Neville's hand, "What is it?"

"N-diisopropyl-5-methoxytryptamine. It's a fast-acting psychedelic. Got some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual and shit, but definitely a sense distorter." Neville explained.

James shrugged, still not fully understanding anything that was just said to him, "Yeah, okay." he said anyway, he was willing to try most anything once.

"That'll be 120."

"Uh, Frank said he spot me." James said, already walking away.

"Frankie don't spot nobody." Neville said, never buying into James's shit.

"Well you should go ask him. He said it was a post-rehab discount." He lied.

"I will go ask him, cause I know you're full of shit." Neville said as James walked the rest of the way out the backdoor and into the alley behind the store.

James saw Frank and Barty Crouch jr, doing a drug deal. James politely looked away, as anyone should when they encountered such a thing. You wouldn't want someone staring at you as you do a drug deal, would you?

Barty got into his car and began to drive away, "Ayo! I do it for Potter!" He yelled as he drove past James.

James never really had any sort of real problem with Barty. There was that time that he tried to kiss him, drunk at a party without his consent in freshman year, but besides that they barely knew each other.

James decided to just wander around for a while before heading home, that was until he got a spam all text from Sirius Tonks, saying that there was gonna be a party at Evan Rosier's house in a few hours.

And that gave James the, brilliant idea, to 'pre-game' with all the drugs he had on him, except for the new shit Neville gave him, James decided to save that for later.

James didn't really know Evan Rosier all that well, he knew that he was Barty Crouch Jr's best friend, and that he and Mary had been going out for a little while, this summer. He heard that from Lily on the drive back home, who heard it from Peter, who heard it from Marlene, who heard it from Mary herself.

Now, it was currently six p.m. the party didn't start until ten, and James knew he had to be home for dinner or else his mom would send out a search party, but, James was also really fucking high. Maybe taking all those drugs at once wasn't such a good idea when he had to be home soon.

James somehow made it home without any real problems, he had gotten a little lost on the way, but James figured it was probably just because he hadn't been home in a few months and he just forgot which way to go.

James stumbled in the house through the back door, his mom was standing in the kitchen.

"Where have you been?" She asked.

"I was at Mary's." He lied, making his way down the hall to his room.

His mom followed him, "No you weren't. You're high right now! Aren't you?"

James rolled his eyes. "I'm not high mom. I was at Mary's."

"You're lying. You're always lying, James! Just tell me the truth!" She was beginning to yell.

She never used to yell.

"I'm telling you I was at Mary's!"

"No you weren't!"

"If you don't believe me call her! Call her and ask her if I was there!"

"You know what? I will, cause I don't trust you anymore, James. I don't." She had tears welling up in her eyes.

"Mom." James said sadly, walking up to her.

She shook her head and backed away. "I can't trust you anymore James. I never used to have to worry like this."

"You don't-" James let out a breath, "You don't have to worry mom. I'm fine. I'm not lying, I was at Mary's."

His mom got a stern look on her face, "I need you to pee in a cup."

"What? You wanna drug test me?!" He was starting to get really fucking angry.

"I can't trust you James!" She yelled, trying so desperately to sound stern.

"I just fucking peed! I can't take the drug test if I just fucking peed!"

"James you have to take it! It's not an option."

"How do you expect me to take it if I just fucking peed!?" James was speed walking into his room. James went to go shut his door and it slammed harder than he intended it to.

"Don't slam any doors in my house!" He heard his mom say on the other side of the door.

"It was an accident." He said, sitting down against it so his mom couldn't open it. James had noticed when he got home earlier that his door no longer had a lock.

"You gotta take the test, James."

"I just fucking peed!" He laughed out of frustration.

"Fine! Slam another door!" And James heard her walk away.

Now, theres a few ways to fake a drug test. You could do what James had done with every other drug test he'd taken in the past two months, and get a sober person to pee in the cup for him. But, since most at home drug test had heat sensory, it has to be warm. And since James was sure his mom was going to stand in the bathroom while he did it, he couldn't really do the sink trick. So he had to get it fresh.

James snuck out his bedroom window and hauled ass down the street, making his way to Peter's house.

James knocked on the door and Peter opened it. "Hey, James." He said, wrapping his arms around him.

"Hey." James said, hugging him back. James saw Marlene and Mary sitting at the kitchen table a little bit away.

"What're you doing here?" Peter asked when they pulled apart.

James gave him a desperate look. "I need you to..."

"What?" Not getting it.

"No, like I'm serious, Pete."

"What?" Still not getting it.

James rolled his eyes and leaned in and whispered into Peter's ear.

When he pulled away, Peter looked at him with a look of anger and annoyance, and, sadness. "Are you serious?"

"Please, Peter." James whispered. He was really fucking desperate.

Peter sighed, defeated. "Okay." And he walked upstairs.

"Hey Jamie!" Marlene said, after Peter began to walk upstairs.

James put on a smile. "Hey Marls, Mary."

"Hey, Jamesie." Mary said with a small smile.

James actually really loved Mary. Most people though really low of her, but she was actually really sweet.

"You going to Rosier's party tonight?" Marlene asked.

Mary smacked her in the arm and gave her a look.

"Uh, I don't know. Maybe."

"You should. Sirius is going and Fabian's gonna be there, so you know theres gonna be a fight." Marlene said with a smirk.

Sirius Tonks was Mary's best friend. He had been going out with Fabian Prewitt for a little over a year. They fought non stop and had broken up a zillion times.

"Nuh-uh, Siri and Fab broke up. Sirius says he's so over him." Mary informed.

"Yeah but he says that everytime." Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, well he says this time is different." Mary did her best to defend her best friend to her other best friend.

James didn't really know all that much about Sirius. He had moved to town when they were freshmen, after his parents died or something and he like, lived with his older cousin? James wasn't sure. The only time they ever even actually spoke was when they both so happened to be hanging out with the same group of people, and even then it was usually just pleasantries.

"Whatever. The party's still gonna rock." Marlene said with a smile as Peter came back downstairs and slyly handed James the medicine bottle filled with pee.

"Heres that book you needed." Peter handed him some random book that James didn't recognize from the cover.

"Thanks Pete." He whispered to him.

"Whatever." He mumbled, looking away from him.

"I'll see you guys later!" He called out before leaving. He heard a chorus of 'bye's' as he left.

James ran back home, snuck back in through his window, snorted some more coke and then called out to his mom that he was ready to pee. "Mom! I gotta pee!"

Once inside the bathroom his mom handed him the cup.

"I wish we could do this in a way that didn't invade my privacy." James said holding the cup in the air with a sad expression on his face, one that he hoped would get his mom to feel bad enough to leave the room.

But his mom didn't budge. "You lost your right to privacy when you overdosed." She said.

James sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to win this one, and turned to the toilet.

His mom at least turned around, as to not physically watch him pee, which James was very grateful for. It would've been really hard to explain why he was peeing out of his jacket sleeve.

James knew how to do this correctly. Drop a little bit in the toilet so his mom thinks he's actually peeing, then just pour the rest in the cup.

"Do you know how worried you made everyone? And to have Lily, be the one who found you... the girl who sees you as a brother..."

James's eyes filled with tears, "Can we, not talk about that right now, mom." He asked, taking in shallow breaths to try and stop himself from crying even more. James hated himself for it having to have been Lily, who found him. He hated himself anyway, but he could only imagine what must've went through Lily's brain when she found him. Face down. Basically choking on his own vomit. As he seized out of control.

Once James was finished pouring the pee into the cub, he slid the medicine bottle back into his pocket and turned around, placed the pee filled cup on the counter, and turned to wash his hands as his mom put the sticks into it.

After about a minute, the result came in to show that it was clean.

"I told you I was at Mary's." James whispered.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry." His mom said quietly, wrapping her arm around him.

"It's okay, Mom...." an idea. "Can I stay over at Peter's tonight?" He asked as they pulled away.

"That's fine, James. Just, grab some dinner before you go?"

"Yeah. Thanks, mom. Love you." He said with a small smile.

"I love you too, Baby."

He made his way back out into the kitchen, took a few bites of whatever the hell his mom made, and was back out the door.

James was walking to the party cause he didn't have his license, cause he was smart enough to know that addicts shouldn't drive, and he had this rule where he doesn't skate and smoke cause like.... James got a flash of memories of him attempting to skate and immediately eating shit.... its fucking dangerous.

He was walking past The Bottom when a car started driving really slowly behind him.

"What the fuck? Is that James?!" He heard a voice say from inside the car.

"Holy shit! I thought he died!" Another voice said, making James frown.

"Oh god I hate ghosts." James recognized the voice of Marlene say that.

"Yo, Casper!" James turned around at that. "Need a ride?"

James walked up to the car and saw, Sirius Tonks, Dorcas Meadowes, Marlene McKinnon and Pandora Rosier in it. "Why thank you." He said when he approached the car, hopping in the back seat when Pandora moved over to the middle.

On the car ride to the party, Marlene vaped, Sirius and Dorcas fought over directions, and Pandora sang along to the song on the radio, as James layed his head on the window, he could've sworn he saw the same biker from before, ride up to the motel on 36.

"I telling you it's to the left!" Dorcas said, looking at her phone, which had the map pulled up.

"I've been to Evan's house a million times! I think I know where the fuck I'm going!" Sirius bit back.

"Why don't you ask Pandora? Since she, like, lives there?" Marlene said, already baked as fuck.

All eyes in the car turned to Pandora.

"I don't live with Evan." She said with a ditsy expression on her face.

"But he's your brother?" Dorcas said confused.

"Yeah, but he lives there with our mom, and I live with my dad. I have no fucking idea where we're going."

James was wondering why she was in the car with them if she lives with Rosier. Turns out he was wrong.

"Oh." Marlene said. "My bad. Go back to fighting I guess."

"We wouldn't be fighting if Sirius would just listen to me when I told them where to go!" Dorcas said angrily.

"And if you would shut up and let me drive we would already be there by now!" The fighting continued until they finally arrived at the party.

"Hey Marls, wheres Mary? I thought she would've been with you?" James asked as they walked up to the house.

Rosier was fucking loaded! You could tell by the size of his house alone.

"Oh, uh, Rosier came and picked her up a little while after you left." Marlene said, not really paying attention to James.

"Ah. Well. I'm gonna go... walk around. I'll see you," he put his hand up to his forehead in a solution, "later." And walked off.

James wandered the party for a little bit. At some point he made his way upstairs to the bathroom, and crushed up the pill he got from Neville earlier that night, and snorted it.

"Ffffuuck." James said, eyes wide. He blinked, his eyes unfocused, as he slowly shook his head, leaning against the wall for support. His vision was blurry, and spotty, no matter how often he blinked or rubbed at his eyes, the music and voices outside the bathroom door were fading in and out in an echo, like he was underwater and in the sky at the same time.

He felt fucking great.

James didn't know what was in that thing, but whatever it was, he wanted more of it.

James attempted to walk out of the bathroom. He kept tripping over nothing, and ended up having to lean his whole body against the wall to be able to walk without almost falling over on his face.

James saw Mary and Evan Rosier sitting next to each other on the staircase, talking quietly to each other as he walked by, still leaning, heavily, on the wall beside him.

James made it downstairs and out to the backyard, where he found Frank, sitting by the pool.

"Yo man, you owe me 120" Frank said when James sat down next to him.

James smiled sheepishly at him, "Shit man, I forgot."

"It's alright, but I got a business to run, y'know? Can't be givin out handouts."

"I- I know man, I'm sorry. I'll get it to you later. You know I will."

"Yeah, alright." Silence settled between them for a few minutes before Frank broke it again. "Man, I don't know what kind of fucked up shit you been through, and I don't know how to help. But, what I do know, is drugs, it ain't it, man."

James bit the inside of his cheek before he spoke, "Y'know, when I was, like, thirteen, my dad died."

"Is that it?" Frank asked. Genuinely asking, not saying it in some snarky way.

"If only it was that easy." James was nodding his head absentmindedly.

James genuinely didn't know why he started doing drugs. He just knew that they made him feel better when he did them. So why would he stop?

Frank shook his head. "Shit, man..."

James nodded along, "Yeah. Shit, man."

James then heard screaming coming from inside the house and looked over to see, practically everyone who was there, gathering around the kitchen. And, since James was always a very curious person, he got up, and made his way to the kitchen.

Upon entering he saw Marlene and walked over. "What's going on?" He asked.

"Bro! Some dude just tried to kill himself!" Marlene said with wide, glazed over eyes, obviously very high.

"What?" James was sure he heard that wrong, but, then again, this was a high school party.

"Yeah dude it was crazy! Barty came in, yellin, and told everyone to get outta the kitchen, but that guy wouldn't leave so Barty kept yelling and then the guy pulled out a knife and, like, slit his wrist or something. It was crazy!" Marlene took another hit of her vape and blew the smoke out next to James's head.

"Oh, wow. Uh, alright. I think I'm gonna head out." James said, beginning to walk away. He wanted to find that guy and make sure he was alright.

"You sure? I'm sure Sirius can drive you home once hes done fuckin that guy in the pool."

James didn't have time to unpack all of this tonight, so he stuck with the first problem. "I'm good, thanks, Marls. I'll see you later." He was already halfway acrossed the room.

"K, bye! Love you!!!" She called out to him as he was walking out the front door.

Once outside, James looked around, trying to find the suicidal kid Marlene was talking about.

He saw a guy standing next to a bike, with blood dripping down his arm and assumed that must be the guy she was talking about and walked over.

As he got closer,  he realized it was the guy he saw earlier, riding into the motel.  "Hey, are you, uh, alright?" James asked, looking down at the guys arm.

"Uh, yeah. I guess I could tell that was gonna get violent, and this was the first thing I could think of to get him to back off."

"Ah, right... I'm James." He stuck his hand out for the boy in front of him to shake, mentally slapping himself for being so awkward.

"Regulus." The boy said, taking his hand to shake.

"Where you, uh, headed?" James asked, hands in his pockets.

"Uh," Regulus gripped the handlebars of his bike harder, "home." He nodded.

It was a good thing James was high, or else he never woulda asked this. "Can I come?"

Regulus stared at him for a few seconds, mouth ajar. "Uh... okay..."

Regulus got on his bike, and signaled for James to get on as well, and then they were off.

The ride over to Regulus's house was silent. James usually hated silence, his thoughts got louder in the silence, but this time, this time it was nice. James was too focused on the smell of Regulus's shampoo to think about much else.

When they got to Regulus's house he turned to James, "We have to be quiet. I don't want to wake up my cousin. I don't think she'd be too happy with me bringing a random boy home."

James's felt his cheeks blush, "Sorry..." he mumbled, feeling embarrassed to be imposing in someone's house like this.

Regulus smiled at him. "Its alright. She doesn't have to know." And he grabbed James's hand and took him inside, up the stairs, and into Regulus's bedroom.

Regulus went over to his closest and pulled out a cropped t-shirt, and some sleep shorts and began to change. James turned around hastily, not wanting Regulus to think he was some kind of pervert.

When Regulus was finished changing, he walked over to his bed and layed down. James continued to stand, awkwardly, in the middle of the room. After a few seconds, Regulus lifted his head up and padded the spot next to him. James cautiously walked over and gently began to lay down.

Regulus was looking at his arm, where the cut was, blood dry by now.

"Does it hurt?" James asked lowly.

Regulus shook his head.

"I c-" James struggled to try and find a way to say what he wanted to without having to worry that Regulus might take it the wrong way or something, "I could, like, clean it for you...?"

Regulus turned over to look at him. "You would do that for me?"

James felt his cheeks flush again, "Y- yeah. Its, uh, no big deal..."

Regulus smiled at him. "Thank you."

James just nodded his head and cleared his throat. "No- no problem."

Regulus got the stuff James would need to clean the wound, and James got to work.

When James was finished, cleaning, and bandaging the wound, he laid back down next to Regulus and smiled at him.

"I got an idea."

Regulus smiled back, "What?"

"Wanna get high?"

[bergens-adventure-tours]

Week 8: April 3rd – April 9th, 2023 // Let the solo travels begin!

Well folks, the adventures have truly and officially begun this week!  I’ve left the comfort of Hobart and the Fitzy Castle House, and am now traveling the mainland with just myself and Peg.  I’d like to start by saying whoever else has been lead to believe that Australia is always hot and sunny, I’ve got sad news for you.  I figured my timing to more or less “chase the colder weather” because I was worried of how I’d handle the Australian heat would still be giving me at least consistent sunny 15+˚C… It has not lol it’s been pretty comparable to Vancouver seasons thus far – both in Tassie and now along the south coast.  No, I shouldn’t be this surprised; geographically it all makes sense when you actually think about it… it’s just been a rude awakening knowing packing the toque was actually a smart idea and not a waste of space lol.  

--

Monday was such a benchmark day for me – I officially completed my first ever van build!  The fact that we designed, bought material, took everything out, and built the whole thing from scratch in just 5 days (realistically only have like 4-6hours at a time) is pretty fucking amazing to me.  I was just adding up the days as I thought we had done 6 or 7… I’m so impressed with how well we worked together after having never met before and SO grateful to Rhys for giving me so much of his spare time (all in the middle of moving houses too I might add).  An absolute legend!  There were a couple minor things we would’ve like to get done that we just unfortunately ran out of time for – but the overall build of the main components we wanted were completed and it looks so freaking good. Like I could not be happier with it.  And after this first week living out of it and having it organized, I feel like I can really live and breathe in this space.  It’s so nicely laid out and organized, I can’t wait to put together a proper video for you all!  After a thank you dinner for Rhys, I couldn’t get to sleep till quite late as I was FAR too excited about the van and figuring out how I wanted to organize it all.

--

Tuesday was an emotional day for me as it was time to officially move into my new home, while getting ready to say goodbye to what has been my home for the past 7 weeks.  I got an early start and spent the day putting up my lights, organizing all my gear, cleaning. The afternoon I spent sorting out some electrical stuff (big shout-out and thanks to Ethan and Lauren for your help), writing notes and getting flowers for the house + the couple who let us use their space for renovating the van.  Managed to get in one last climb late night climb with Sam+Annie before giving the house my little thank you gift.  Was really nice to have everyone home for the night, with Alissa having been gone most of the time I’ve been here.

--

Wednesday was a pretty successful and eventful day! Early start to cut my own hair, pack the last of my stuff from the house, say my goodbyes to the housemates, grab coffee w/Sam+Sammy, get some new runners to get back into running/working out while on the road (shout out to Sam for the discount!), and finally dropped off the flowers and note to Sean+Megs as a thank you for allowing Rhys and I to use their home for the van build.  Not gonna lie, I got real sappy this week…  I find I often express myself best through my writing, and was feeling a lot of gratitude for a lot of people this week.  I had many complete strangers go out of their way to help me out in some really big ways during my time here, and I can’t help but think about how different my first 2 months would’ve been had I not met Alissa back in Canada last October.

The afternoon was spent on a beautiful 4-hour drive to Devonport, where I found a nice little spot just down the road from the ferry to park for the night.  Was feeling pretty exhausted from the past week, so after organizing some food for the ferry, and blowing out my inverter trying to use my induction stove top (whoops)…I ended on an early night with some reading.

--

Ferry day was actually such a dream.  I hadn’t realized how run down I’ve been getting, so the forced RNR was very much needed.  Thanks to Sean’s advice, I went straight to deck 10 and snagged one of the only 4 couches on the ferry and set up camp.  They were surprisingly super comfortable and perfect length for me to fully stretch out and take many naps lol. Bringing a blanket, I think was my best idea.  There wasn’t much for service most of the ride, so my time was divided between napping, people watching, snacking and reading.  The 10hours flew by pretty quickly, and next thing I knew, I was looking for a place to park for the night!  Ended up in a parking lot that I didn’t realized locked at night, so had a cop knocking on my window at 23:30 telling me to park out on the street next to the park… finding free spots is going to be a bit of a learning curve I imagine haha.

--

Friday I got to experience my first Laundromat, and I gotta say, I picked a good one to start with… super clean and newer machines.  Got all my clothing and bedding washed which felt SO nice to crawl into that night.  I was back n forth a bunch between whether I begin the road trip west, or back track to Melbourne… I decided that my body still needed some rnr time, so I found myself a beach/cliff spot 20min south of Devonport, called Point Addis, and set up camp for the rest of the day to read and relax.  I managed to finish another book which I realized has brought me to 8 completed books since I left Canada!  I ended up with a beautiful break in the clouds and found my way down towards the beach.  

One of my favourite things I’ve been consciously trying to practice has been “grounding,” which is the simple practice of walking on the earth barefoot.  There’s a lot of benefits to grounding, but my favourites have been noticing the toughness in my feet build up, as well as my attentiveness to where I step.  The increased attentiveness has me focusing more on my body and the present moment, and reducing the amount of random mental chatter and wandering I have when on walks.  It’s been a really useful tool for practicing more mindfulness and meditation.  It also reminds me of all the time I spent barefoot as a kid, playing in the backyard, climbing trees, wandering the neighbourhood – it has a way of connecting you back to your inner child.  I highly recommend reading up on it some more and practicing it yourself!

After today, I decided that spending time in downtown Melbourne is not what I’m wanting right now, and with my route I have planned for this year, I know I’ll have plenty of other opportunities to visit and explore the city another time.  

--

So with that, I made the most of Saturday by practicing some yoga on the boardwalk at sunrise, getting some errands in by running to Bunnings and Jaycar (hopefully for the last time finally) to fix my kitchen set up and replace my inverter.  The guys at Jaycar were absolute GEMS! I went in with my inverter thinking I had completely ruined it and was just going to recycle it with them, but the guy at the counter took the opportunity to forfeit a bigger sale and help me open up the inverter and make just a $2 fix!  They also came out to help check on the battery and connections and ended up fixing a piece to make it work even better!  Jaycar has probably been my favourite Aussie store to work with – every location I’ve been to, the employees have gone above and beyond helping me, while making it as affordable as possible.  Can’t recommend them enough for any electronic needs.  Made some grocery shop stops in town, visited another zero waste grocery store ‘The Source.’  Then made my way to Industry Boulders for an afternoon climb! Really loved this gym.  They had some really fun routes and felt really good to focus just on bouldering.  

Made a little impromptu stop at a beautiful art gallery/nursery just off the Great Ocean Highway, and had a really lovely conversation with the resident artist there about how it’s important to remind ourselves that our creations aren’t for everyone.  Create for yourself – the people who resonate with you and connect with your work will follow.  Forcing yourself to fit a mould that wasn’t meant for you, will only disrupt your inner peace and disconnect you from the work you truly wish/are made to be doing.  (artist IG: @saltandpeppergallery).

I ended up heading back to Point Addis for the night since I finished in town a bit later and knew that I wouldn’t have people asking me to move… hopefully.

--

Sunday was a pretty blah day for me.  Woke up a bit later not feeling too great (think I’m on the verge of a cold), so I went in and out of napping and reading for most of the day.  Managed to get myself out for a little walk and make a really tasty pasta dish, but decided to continue taking it easy and spend one more night at Point Addis before hitting the road and taking on the Great Ocean Road this next coming week!

-

After finishing “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo,” I’ve begun “The Mountain is You” and oh boy am I being faced with some hard doses of reality.  It’s been a humbling read that I’m excited to share some bits n pieces with you all in the next week.

Until next time.

Stay passionate and curious, Hunter♡

04/10/2023

[sosos-adventures-dc]

April 26: Trader Joes and Joeys party 😊

So after a day of exploring the city, I met up with Reilly and we went to check out my first American supermarket: Trader Joes. And yes the prices are really different compared to German prices. But this store has so many different and weird specialties to choose from. And to be fair, having these high prices makes you consider more what you actually need to buy :) the funniest thing for me was that you check out at a counter and the cashier is putting the stuff kn bags for you. And if a cashier needs help there is a bell. Apparently the number of how often you ring the bell defines the issue.

Here are some of the prices..

Anyway.. after Trader Joes we headed back home and Reilly cooked for us. And I finally gor to meet Joe. I have heard so much about him before, but it was nice to get to know Reillys bf in person. And he is such a sweetheart. It felt like I already knew him for quite a while. Sadly we didnt have that much time to talk because we were heading to Joeys party. And the timing was really tough for me.. the party started at 8pm. Joey said most people will show up around 9pm. So we tried to be there around 9pm. My German punctuality was a bit "no words" (just imagine a little figure inside my brain running up and down, looking at the time and getzing all nervous).. just kidding. Actually after Vietnam I got used to adapt to other cultures. And here everyone shows up late :)

We arrived around 9:20pm and brought 2 bottles of Berliner Luft (German peppermint alcohol) - this survived the 9hour flight in my suitcase!! And the party was amazing. Joeys and Nicks house is incredible. They have a ground floor to just chill, a front porch, upstairs are their rooms and Nicks studio and the best part of the house: the basement. With a projector, space to dance and places to just sit and relax. The best aprt of the party was clearly Nicks music/visual art show. That was some incredible work he put into it.

Around 12:30am we left the party and took an Uber to Joes place. I cant believe that there is no safe conection at night to get around. It depends on the neighbourhoods though. Arlington seems to be pretty safe at night.

[inamckxox-blog]

Contrast: My home in black and white

We were tasked with taking a compilation of photos in order to represent the idea of home and to demonstrate contrast through black and white images, and the above photos are my interpretation of this assignment. I did thoroughly enjoy taking these photos but during the planning process I had to consider what kind of direction I wanted to take. I am from Ireland originally but spent most of my life living in Abu Dhabi, and now live in Edinburgh, so I have quite a few places that I call 'home'. What I would say is that home is where my family is, but unfortunately they are scattered around the world currently and so I decided that I was going to have to go in a different direction for this assignmnet. This resulted in the decision to photograph my two 'homes' during my time in Edinburgh, which just so happened to be connected door to door by the canal. With this, I thought it would be interesting to demonstrate my move between the two as a walk along the canal from home to home, connecting my time here as one.

Image 1 - This photo is of the front of Bainfield, which was the university accommodation that I stayed in for the first year of my life in Edinburgh. The photo both brings back feelings of joy and despair as living there could be quite... messy sometimes. However, it was still one of the best years I've had where I met some of my best friends and made incredible memories. I took the photos during the day as I wanted to have the 'bright' (scottish bright) sky with the dark lines on the building to try and show some contrast within the image.

Image 2 - As you can see, this is a closer shot that shows the name of the building, but also shows the window to the room that I stayed in while there. That room again holds countless memories, and was incredibly important to me as it was my own space in a flat full of people. Sometimes you can loose your individuality when you live in the same copy-pasted room as everyone else, but that room was mine and as much as it was small, I loved it completely. Again the dark lines on the building in comparison to the lighter sign was an attempt at showing some more contrast in a more up-close image.

Image 3 - In this shot you can see the canal for the first time, as well as the bench that me and my friends spent half of our time on whenever we went out for a cigarette. It was almost like a comfort spot where we would look out on the canal and just have a breath of fresh air outside of our sometimes very stuffy flat. I tried to use the dark trees compared to the subtle highlights in the flowers on the grass or the patterns in the clouds to demonstrate contrast again.

Image 4 - This image is of the bridge I walked across to get to uni during my time living in Bainfield. I thought capturing this imagine demonstrated part of the significance of my first home, as university was the reason I ended up moving there. I probably should have taken a few more trips across this bridge to actually attend all my classes but I digress. I think I lowered the exposure on this image a little too much as the darker sections almost become unintelligible and blend together but in comparison to the bright sky I thought it worked well.

Image 5 - In this shot you can see the canal which looks very nice and picturesque bla bla, but what it doesn't show is just to the right out of frame, is a turn off to a park that my friends and I used to walk to at night when we were bored during the last 2 months of our time at Bainfield while we were finished with uni. We used to sit on the benches with a speaker for a while and we always liked to check if there was new graffiti on the bridge. I think this shot is a little too under-exposed as the darker half becomes illegible similar to the last image in parts but I still really like it.

Image 6 - This photo is slightly less significant than the rest as it is more of a passing spot than a place that is massively significant to the theme "home". Similar to the last two shots, it is along the canal but closer to my current flat rather than my old Bainfield one. I thought this spot looked really beautiful on the day I went out to take these photos, with the shrubbery and the water. I also really liked how the sky reflected on the water so you have these bright white and grey spots mixed in with the dark trees and canal.

Image 7 - This is the spot right before the bridge to the stairs that lead you to my flat. I thought the 'caution' sign was kind of funny because its both eerie and 'symbolic' in a way at the same time. It looks sort of 'abandoned city/dystopian' which I really like, but also kind of a warning towards the passage of time and how things move on (not really sure how to describe it, I'm trying to be deep and edgy). I thought the movement in the clouds allowed for some layering to the image as well as a nice bit of contrast with the cat's eyes on the dark pathway.

Image 8 - And there it is! My flat! A little far off in the distance but you can see it if you look in the bottom right hand corner of the screen just above the Sainsbury's sign. The three lights in the building belong to my block of flats, and we're right at the top. I got quite lucky with this shot as a train came passing right as I took it which filled out the dark left hand corner. I also thought the big line of clouds made a cool split almost into 3rds, bright on top, a little darker in the middle, and darkest at the bottom.

Image 9 - This was taken on the 'main' street just before you turn off onto my road. You can again see the light coming from the building just to the left of the centre. To be honest, this is probably the shot I like the least as it isn't very complex in terms of its contrast and also isn't as good looking as some of the areas that I was taking photos in. I think if I were to have had some other light source in the bottom half of the image it may have translated better but either way, still significant towards my home.

Image 10 - And here we are. At the end of our walk between the two places I have called home in Edinburgh. I have always loved the big tree outside our front door and watching switch from season to season always makes me smile. It's a cherry blossom so during the summer its lovely and pink but at this stage it was just before it started to lose its leaves. This allowed for light to peak through the branches and give a nice sense of contrast to the image through the backlight coming from the building.

[mirahuyooo]

These Entangled Paths (pt 2) | mafia!bts reaction

[How You Met]  — Hyung Line

— “Well, look who I ran into,” crowed Coincidence. In which, you cross paths with a man, who, unbeknownst to you, holds the city by the neck in fear. Your life will never be the same.

Word Count: 4,775 (i-it’s longer than the prev one haha (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ can’t you just tell I’m a slut for hyung line) Content/s: oblivious!y/n, mysterious/sus behavior from the boys (esp yoongs and joon here) lol, meet-cutes?? FLUFF, crack, feels, JOON is called JOHN bc haha, u have an annoying ex here :DDD, blood, sTAB sTAB, cursing, Mafia AU  

[masterlist] | more [reactions & headcanons] | [Maknae Line]

A/N: MERRY CHRISTMASSS!!! (it’s xmas now in the ph hehe) Ah yes, nothing spells Christmas like a Mafia AU reaction :DDD (im not feeling particularly festive I’m sorry AHWHAHAh) anyways HERE IS HYUNG LINEEE!!! I hope you guys enjoy reading this!!

KIM SEOKJIN

You were a simple woman. You see an irrevocably handsome man, you respectfully simp from a distance. The stranger had broad shoulders and a gentlemanly aura to him. You caught a glimpse of his face at some point, and you were so taken aback by his beauty that you had to step away and duck somewhere else, intimidated by being in his beautiful presence. 

How could you dare approach him, too?

Compared to the man’s clean, business casual look, you were currently dressed in sweats and a three-day old oversized hoodie at the peak of lazy and unkempt comfort. You like to think that you dress up quite nicely, but it was a Friday, after all. You had to stay cozy and laidback after a long week of hustling. 

Deciding that was enough simping for the day, you head to the cashier with hopeful wishing of seeing the man again when you’re in a more decent get up. 

When you got there, there was no line. It was late, you suppose, and that would mean there are only a total of three people in the store. The young lady at the counter gives you a tight-lipped smile and a not-so-enthusiastic ‘good evening’, but you don’t mind at all. You understand the hustle of having to deal with different people throughout the day. 

You then notice her glancing behind you in between scanning the chips and cookies you were stocking for movie night. There was a sparkle of awe in her once tired expression, and it sort of bums you. Taking a sneak peek behind you, you nearly had a heart attack seeing the handsome stranger you were gawking at earlier. 

Alas, you were not as discreet as you had hoped, seeing as your little crush catches you and was amicable enough to give you a small smile. You manage a smile back, but instantly whip back towards the cashier who was still stealing glances. If you weren’t so embarrassed and flustered yourself, you would’ve chuckled. Girl, same. 

The last of your items were going through, and you fiddled with your hoodie as you waited. “Here you go,” she actually smiles at you this time after finishing your groceries. Ah, so the handsome man has given her motivation. Understandable.

You take the two bags waiting for you to bring them home, attempting to balance them in your arms. The stranger moves forward to help when one bag nearly slipped from your grasp. “Thanks,” you politely smile back at the both of them.

Mayhaps doing your bi-weekly grocery shopping had its perks after all.  

“Everyone put your hands up!”

Or not.

Not even making it three steps from the counter, two men with guns barge into the doors. Startled, you jump, bumping into the man behind you and almost dropping your goods, had it not been for him catching you by the arms with a secure grip. You throw a glance at him with your wide eyes, alarmed with the situation at hand.

Everyone is suddenly so awake and alert. 

The one with the grey hoodie sees the lack of response. “I said put your hands up!” he barked aggressively, as the black masked one focused on the poor cashier girl, telling her to empty out the cash register. 

Having no chance to retaliate, you shakily set your bags down and to follow the muggers’ orders. "Give me your wallet," you were told, and you hand it over with shaking hands, choosing to be broke and alive rather than dead. 

Bad luck doesn't run out soon, however, and the thin gold bracelet your grandmother gave you catches his eye. "Give me the bracelet, too," he tells you, but, this time, you shake your head profusely. You can't. She was the one who raised you—your last family. 

Everything happened quickly. 

You feel the pain shot through somewhere in your shoulder and wrist. Someone had pulled you aside but the bullet still struck you. As you fall onto the linoleum floor, you realize it was the stranger from before, and he doesn't stop his advances in saving you either. 

With a quick but precise hit, he manages to incapacitate the hooded robber, knocking him out on the ground with a bleeding nose, and takes the gun from his hold. He points it at the one guy left before looking at the cashier. "Call the cops," he tells her, before hitting him too. 

The wound on your left shoulder hurts like hell, but you nonetheless  crawl towards the first unconscious robber and hesitantly fish your wallet from him. A few tears run down your cheeks, the weight of the events crashing down on you. 

"Are you alright, miss?"

You look up and see the savior of the grocery store before you with his hand extended out. Coming back to reality, you see that he and the cashier have tied one of the robbers up already. 

Reluctantly, you use your right arm, but still bite back a cry in pain. You were instead propped against the counter.  "Breathe," he tells you, putting pressure against your wound to stop the bleeding. "The ambulance will get here soon. Don't worry."

His words, however, barely register as you watch the cashier tie the last masked man behind him. Suddenly, you feel a gentle caress on your cheek, turning your head away from that sight. "Hey, what's your name?" The man asks you, plump lips forming a small smile. 

"What?" you ask, incredulous. 

The stranger chuckles a little at your expression. "Come on," he insists. 

You soon realize that he's keeping you occupied for the time being. You give a wry smile. "(Y/N)," you hiss at a sudden shot of pain, "My name is (Y/N)."

He smiles more at the progress. "What a pretty name, (Y/N)," he tells you, as the faint sound of sirens reach your ears. "My name's Seokjin. You can call me Jin."

"Are you a doctor, Jin?" you heave. 

"Sort of," Seokjin shrugs, brushing back a part of your hair that flew over your bloody shoulder. 

"Sort of?"

Seokjin goes silent for a few moments. "I was a med student, but I…" he trails off, "I had to drop out."

You notice him holding back a grimace, but you don't say anything. "Oh," you give him a playful yet tired grin, "I don't have to pay you, do I?"

As the paramedics rush in, Jin walks alongside them as they assist you to a stretcher. "I'd do anything free for a pretty lady," he muses, making you half-heartedly roll your eyes in spite of the smile on your face. 

"Sir, I’m literally bleeding, right now.”

 MIN YOONGI

Train rides were relatively peaceful, especially when you were on your way to the countryside. 

However, just as the train’s low rumble almost began to lull you to sleep, the sound of someone rummaging through something woke you up. You open your eyes and see a man with dirty blond hair going through the bag of the passenger you had seen sitting by himself earlier. The man from before was a pale, platinum blond guy in a hoodie, certainly not whoever this man is. 

With the owner currently nowhere to be seen, you took it upon yourself to do the questioning. “Excuse me,” you cautiously began, craning your head and clutching your own messenger bag, “what are you doing, sir?”

The man almost jumps at the sound of your voice. Fortunately, with your sudden intrusion, he wasn't able to get anything from the bag. “I’m getting something for a friend,” he curtly says, “he's in the bathroom.” 

You knew for a fact that the pale man earlier was alone, and while his last statement may be true, you could sense something awry. Could he be a snatcher or something?

Nonetheless, something in you urged you to save the bag from him. “That's cool," you quip, standing up, “he’s my friend, too. What are you looking for then?”

The both of you know that the other is lying, and so a glaring battle ensues. You weren't as intimidating as the man before you, but you held your ground and took the bag in your hands. “Don't meddle with someone else's business, lady,” he tells you, taking a step forward in an attempt to intimidate you.  

You must admit, his towering build and inked skin does the work, but the adrenaline rushing through your veins makes you reckless. “Take your own advice, big guy,” you force a smile, strengthening your grip. 

Just then, an attendant comes by, sensing a commotion in your area. “Is everyone alright in here?” she asks. 

You take the chance as it has presented itself. “Yeah,” you lie through a smile at the young woman, “I was just about to go.”

It was fortunate that the man didn’t seem to want to draw anymore attention towards him. You were able to slip past and almost bolt through the train section, hugging both your bag and the stranger’s. You have no idea why you were doing this. Yes, you’ve experienced getting robbed on a train before, but to run off with a person’s bag makes it feel like you’re the thief around here.

“Oof—” 

You stagger back as you bump into someone, only to realize that it was the owner of the bag himself. He looks at you suspiciously once he recognizes his bag in your hands. You were quick to offer him his bag and explain yourself to him. “Someone,” you wheezed, “tried to—to steal your bag, sir.”    

His eyes followed your finger down the compartment where you both sat in earlier. Something seems to click in his head. “What did he look like?” he then asks, wordlessly taking his bag from you.

You huff, leaning against a wall to compose yourself, exhaustion from the panic and escaping taking a toll. “Tall, dyed dirty blond hair, there,” you take a deep breath, “there was a snake tattoo around his neck I think?”

The man hisses under his breath, before stealing a glance at your hunched figure still trying to catch your breath. “Are you okay?” he asks, securing his bag by shoulder. 

“Yeah,” you attempt to grin, only for it to become a grimace. “Just a little shaken.” 

Watching as the man was still throwing cautious glances at where you came from, you took the chance to explain yourself a little more. “Snatchers suck, been there before,” you tell him, “I didn’t want the same thing to happen to you so—” 

“Fucking bastards,” he suddenly cursed, making the words stop from your mouth. 

“What?” you ask, offended at first, but you notice his attention still wasn't on you. Turning around to follow his gaze, you see the man from before, only this time he brought two of his friends with him. “Oh no,” you gasp, “that’s him.”

Fingers enclose around your wrist just as the intercom announces the arrival at the next station. “Come on,” the stranger ushers you with him, and amidst the rushing people, you two try and lose your pursuers. Your heart beats faster than ever. 

For a moment, you thought that the two of you were meant to leave the train with other passengers, but instead, he pulls you into a bathroom. Even as the train departs once again, the two of you stay and keep quiet, the distant chatter of people filling the already awkward air between you both. 

With the silence so stifling, you decided to break it. “I’m (Y/N),” you whisper, taking a good look at the stranger you just got into trouble with. He almost looks like a cat—seems like a cat, too. 

“Yoongi,” he simply says, scratching behind his ear. 

You don't mind his reclusive nature, but you were hoping for a bit more assurance. You understand the need to hide, and the weight of the situation still worries you. “I’m…” you murmur, “I’m not getting into trouble, am I, Yoongi?” 

Yoongi looks at you, and a second passes as he seems deep in thought. “No,” he finally says, “don’t worry.”

The moment he took to answer your question brewed a little doubt in you, but the way he said those words with such finality has urged you to take a leap of faith. “Okay,” you say, a little relief kicking in. 

The man before you nods, before pushing himself off the wall he had been leaning against. “I’ll get out first,” he tells you, doing as he had said and leaving you to wait in anticipation. 

A moment later, a knock comes onto the door. “Coast is clear,” said his muffled voice from the other side, and you exit as the intercom announces that the train is about to reach the next station. 

You look up at him with a small smile. “The next station is my stop,” you tell him, “I hope you get home safe, Yoongi.”

“You too,” Yoongi gingerly nods, before turning to leave. He seems to pause at the last second, however, turning to look at you over his shoulder. “Thanks,” he tells you, “for saving my bag.”

That day, you got off that train thinking it's been the closest thing to an adventure you've had in a while, heart pounding from the adrenaline and a certain stranger.

 JUNG HOSEOK

To say that you had very good luck with love would be a lie. You’ve fallen out of love, been toyed with, been ghosted—even the man you had thought you would one day marry had turned out to be a cheater. 

You loved Seungyoon with all of your heart. He was your college sweetheart and the two of you even moved to the city together for your respective professions, but that was in the past—six months ago, to be exact.  

Six months ago, you found out he had second thoughts about getting married and cheated on you for several one night stands. 

Six months ago, you were running to your friend’s house, crying hysterically after you confronted him and he hit you.

Six months ago, you were greeted by him and his mother begging you to forgive him, and you were proud to say that you didn’t.

Else, you’d be dealing with worse things than now. He was a sweetheart before, but now he’s a scumbag. 

“C’mon, (Y/N), hear me out,” Seungyoon whines as he follows you through the streets, having waited outside your new workplace. You have no idea how he managed to find out, when you cut him off of your socials, moved to the other side of the city, and got a new job.  

You say the first thing that pops into your head—a complete and utter lie, but you hoped it’d work. “I have a date to go to, Seungyoon,” you tell him, rolling your eyes.  “Leave me alone,” you practically beg, “I’ve moved on, so should you.”

This seemed to anger him, as he harshly pulled you back by the arm. “You don’t actually have a date right, sweetheart? You just got off of work!” he grins, but it falls as you only glare at him and force your arm out of his grip. You don’t bother telling him anything anymore, whipping around and walking as fast as you can.

You hear him following you still. His shame still hasn’t ran out, it seems. “Don’t go ignoring me, (Y/N)!” he calls out after you. “(Y/N), you can’t just leave!”

“Watch me!” you bark back, quickly walking towards the nearest restaurant to prove your point. The reasonable side of you retaliates, but it was too late for you to go back now, lest Seungyoon was still looking at you and sees through your lie. 

As soon as you enter, you make eye contact with a man sitting all by himself by a corner. His eyes grow wide a little as you continue your march towards him. “Hi,” you force a sweet smile, “please play along.”

The stranger looks at you still, eyes flickering behind you which makes you aware that Seungyoon is still there. You take this as another sign for you to go the extra mile, and sit yourself in the seat before him. There was a certain cold in his eyes, you notice, in the last few seconds of his stare on Seungyoon. It sends shivers down your spine, but you can't really blame him. You were there interrupting his day, after all.

Just as you began to regret your reckless actions, the man eases back to his seat and gives you a smile that takes you aback for a moment. Where did all that intimidating vibe go?

He flags down a waiter, who wordlessly hands him a menu. The red leather and gold details compliment the whole restaurant —compliment him—while you in your white blouse and pencil skirt feel rather dull and simplistic. “What’s my role then, sweetheart?” he then asks, offering you the menu as the waiter pours you a glass of wine. “Lay it on me.”

You flinch at the nickname, which the man before you notices, a light tug down at his lips appearing. You persist, taking the menu from his hand. “We’re on a date,” you declared, before grumbling under your breath, “because my goddamn ex can’t take a hint.”

Your impromptu date chuckles as he must’ve heard the last words. “Ah, pesky boy problems,” he muses, nodding before sipping at the wine glass he had been served. His gaze tingles your skin as he watches you open the menu. “I recommend the steak,” he suggests, but soon waves it off, “Everything’s great, actually. I know the head chef. He’s fantastic.”

Nodding nonchalantly, eyes go wide at the prices you see before you. These are going to burn a whole through your wallet and then some. “So you’re rich, hm?” you playfully muse, trying to hide your shock and grimace. “What a score I’ve landed with a date like you.”

He leans forward a little, giving you a reassuring smile. “There’s no need to worry,” he hushes you, “I’m your date. I’ll take care of it.”

Shaking your head, you refuse to be more indebted to him than you already were. Maybe you’ll just have to be a little careful with money for a few weeks. “It’s alright,” you insist, waving your card. “I’ve bothered you enough already.”

As the two of you stare one another down, he has this calculating gaze that considerably intimidates the utter stubbornness of your own. While your expression pushes forth your decision, he looks as though he's weighing in a lot of thoughts. 

Eventually, he concedes into your stare with a shrug. “Alright,” he sighs, but negotiates instead of giving in. “How about we split?”

The idea doesn't sound too bad. As long as you don't go ordering anything too expensive or try for dessert, then you could handle the conditions. “Deal,” you grin, easing back into your own seat. 

It then came to you that introductions haven't been made yet. You just busted in and sat yourself down. “I’m (Y/N), by the way,” you tell him, “(Y/N) (L/N).”

He smiles, tilting his glass as if to toast for you. “Jung Hoseok,” he tells you, a spark of something in his eyes.

You don't think much of it, turning to the waiting waiter by your table. “I’ll, uh, get that steak he talked about,” you point out with a smile, looking back at him only to see him taken aback but amused. “What is it?” you ask incredulously with a little chuckle.

Hoseok snaps out of it, giving you a reassuring smile as he does. “Nothing,” he tells you, “I was just thinking about how I did not expect my day to go like this, but I don’t mind it at all, to be honest. Some company is always appreciated.”

Your heart warms a little at his words. “I don’t mind it at all, too,” you beam, sipping at the wine. A bougie dinner, a handsome, rich date, and no Seungyoon? You don’t mind it at all.   

 KIM NAMJOON

You weren’t the most proud of the town you settled in, but you didn’t really have the money and guts to go anywhere else at the moment. Alas, a lot of trouble comes in such a town—like a bleeding man by the dumpster at the back of the cafe you worked at. 

The sight of him nearly makes you hastily throw the garbage bag onto the dumpster and rush to his side. “Oh my god,” you gasp, shocked to your core to see so much blood this close.  

Somehow, you manage to get yourself together and lightly tap his cheek, making his eyes sluggishly flutter open. They pierce through your soul, and make your heart beat faster. “Sir, can you hear me?” you ask, “I’ll call an ambulance.”

A weak hand stops you from fishing your phone from your pocket. “No,” you receive a groan in response, and you don't know whether to feel relieved or more panicked. 

“What do you mean no?!” you exasperatedly exclaim. “You’re bleeding!”

The stranger still shakes his head. “Don’t,” he weakly insists, “they’ll find me.”.

Though you have no idea who he was talking about, his state still falls into your hands now that you’ve seen him. A recklessly hasty plan forms in your mind. You knew a thing or two about first aid. You could do this, right?

I don’t fucking know! Let’s just wing this!

You take a deep breath and rest your hands on the man's shoulders. "Hey, do you think you can stand up?" you then ask him, getting ready to support his weight. "I'll get you into the back room, but I need your help, okay?"

The stranger manages to nod, grunting at the strength he had to exert to stand. You quickly wrap your arms around him and guide him to the backdoor of the cafe. It was fortunate, somehow, that it was well over closing time and your coworker had to leave early.

You rest him on the floor for a moment, rushing to fetch the first aid kit after instructing him to keep the pressure on his wounds. He’s still there when you come back, now jacketless, and eyes more open as he scans his surroundings. 

Flashing him a quick smile, you kneel back at his side. As your fingers hesitate to unbutton his shirt, the stranger does it for you. There are shallow cuts, but deep cuts too. “Do you know someone who might be better at patching you?” you ask him to keep yourself busy, a blush forming on your cheeks. “I only know a little bit about first aid.”

A hiss comes from his mouth before he can answer, as you had begun disinfecting the wound on the back of his shoulder. You give him an apologetic glance and wordlessly offer him a towel to bite on, but the stranger refuses. “I do know someone,” he answers your question instead. 

“Would you like to call them then?” you offer, earning a subtle nod this time. Handing him your phone, you continue your attempts as he dials a number. 

“Hyung,” he greets, “Yeah… they surprised me, but I’m fine now…”

His conversation goes on and you do your best to mind your own business as you notice him using vague words to keep his own business confidential. As the call ends, however, you watch in horror as the man slams your precious phone on the ground repeatedly until it flickers for a few moments and dies. "What the fuck?!" you gasp, your bandaging coming to a stop as you’re overcome with the urge to smack him. "What did you do that for?!"

The stranger was quick to shush you. "Keep your voice down," he groans, clutching himself as if to protect himself from your wrath.

Venom drips from your words. "You broke my fucking phone, asshole," you snap, swatting at him. "I’m helping you."

Goddamn it! You would've just given him the landline at the counter if he was going to demolish it afterwards! 

He catches both of your wrists and manages to hold onto them with a firm grip. "I can't risk it," he tells you, matching a stern, almost authoritative gaze to your furious glare. 

You falter at the implication of his words. “Can’t risk what?” you question, but he doesn’t budge, and instead occupies himself with taking care of the other wounds you haven’t patched yet. Your heart races in his silence as the panic starts to set in. "Please, answer me."

Helping out a stranger is something you would never regret, but just what was this man bringing with him? You had expected a mugging, but the sinister mystery of his circumstances tell you otherwise.

The stranger sighs, making you sense a bit of his guilt. “The people that did this to me might trace it to my friends,” he simply tells you. “You’re better off not knowing the rest, trust me.” 

His words, as they turn out, don’t do much to ease you. “Shit,” you grit through your teeth, falling back on your butt as you process what he said. What did I just get myself into?!

Sensing your heaving breath, the stranger rests both his hands on your shoulders.  “There’s no need to worry, (Y/N),” he tells you, shaking you a little to get his words through.

Your eyes widen at your name falling from his lips. "How did you—"

"Nametag," he answers curtly, the two of you glancing at the item pinned on the left side of your chest. The stranger lets your shoulders go as he goes back to dealing with his other wounds. “I return gratitude generously,” he tells you with a smile that reveals dimples on his cheek. “No one will harm a hair on you. I'll buy you a new phone, too." 

His promise does well to calm you a bit. "You're still an asshat for breaking my phone, John," you huff, starting to inch back into helping him.  "You have no idea how many months I spent saving for it."

"John?" was his incredulous question.

A light chuckle escapes you. "John Doe," you tell him, as you start on the gash on his stomach. "You know, the name they use to refer to an unknown man," you further explain, "I figured you wouldn’t give me your name."

John leans back and laughs a little himself. "Ah, clever," 

The idle chatter continues as you both work on his injuries, until, eventually, you make him sit on a stool so you could mop up the bloody mess he left behind. While you were out to get rid of the bloody towels, however, you see a car pulling up in front of the cafe with two men stepping out of it. 

Immediately, you ran back inside. "There’s a car," you tell John as soon as you could.

A deep furrow becomes of his brows. "How many men are there?"

"Two," you pant, "a tall guy with wide ass shoulders and another with muscles."

John lets out a chuckle, and his ease easily transfers to yours too, as a faint knock comes onto the backdoor. You hesitantly opened the door for them, and you were greeted by the men you saw earlier. They look at you expectantly and you throw a glance at the man you've haphazardly bandaged up. 

The wide-shouldered guy checks your bandage work as soon as they come inside. He must’ve been the ‘someone’ that John told you about earlier. “It’s the best I could do,” you nervously tell him, scratching the back of your neck, but you were given an assuring smile.

“It’s alright,” the man tells you as the younger guy goes to easily assist John. “You did a decent job.”

You muster a smile as you guide them out. The car wasn’t far, presumably because they were told that you had taken him through the backdoor of the cafe. "Good riddance, John," you then tell the stranger you had patched up. “Don’t bother coming back with blood on you.”

John laughs, while his two friends are confused with what you called him. “Noted,” he playfully salutes, a thankful glint in his eyes as his parting looms over you both.

Just as the car door was opened for him, he looked back at you one last time. “I’ll get you that new phone, I promise,” he tells you, making you laugh a little. 

“You better,” you half-heartedly retort, and while the better of your judgement tells you otherwise, a part of you does hope to meet John again.

[absolutelyfizzing]

little dove

loki x reader

description - Loki acted so caring around you, more so than anyone else in his life. He loved to take care of you, especially when you had a long day, and he got teased by some of the team for it.

warnings - fem reader, cute loki and pet names, implications of gender fluid loki?, reader gets picked up, slight implications of a nsfw theme the night before

word count - 1900

A/N - this is a pretty plotless blurb but i just love this man, i have been obsessed with the new series and just wanted to write anything about him. i will inevitably be writing for him more so please end me now. there are no spoilers for the new series and it takes place in an AU after new york but pretty much otherwise out of timeline. all the avengers live at the compound together, endgame didnt happen and no i wont talk about it.

MASTERLIST

Loki was not someone who was overly friendly. To most of the people in the compound, he was courteous at best. That rule, however, was bent occasionally. The only exceptions were you and his brother (some of the time). He had been smitten with you the moment he saw you though he would never admit it. You were bubbly and light and the exact opposite of him. You were so friendly and kind that it almost made him want to be the same.

You were kind to him, which he was shocked by. Most of the people in the compound tolerated him but they were never caught being too nice. You, on the other hand, were friendly to him the day you met him.

You weren't an Avenger, you weren't really even a fighter. You were a genius in the medical field as well as the unofficial caretaker of everyone on the team. You made sure that they all ate, they didn't overwork themselves, that they were getting enough sleep every night because they were your closest friends. Everyone listened to you. You had this power over them all that they just wanted to make sure you were happy and that meant they wanted to do what you asked of them. They tried their best to take care of you as well.

When you met Loki and were very nice to him, he expected some ulterior motive. He assumed that there was something you wanted or that you would gain his trust and then humiliate him later. So he kept his guard up. This was proved wrong over the months to come. He noticed that you were that kind to everyone and you were just happy to be around other people. He let you in over time.

You became the only person who he opened up to, even more than his brother. You would keep him company even when he lashed out at others and when he was filled with guilt. You forgave him for his past without question and opened up to him as well. It took probably 3 months for Loki to realize that he was in love with you.

He couldn't believe himself. In love with a midgardian? What was he thinking?

But it was undeniable and uncontrollable. He just couldn't help himself. You would read to him and watch movies with him. You would braid his hair when he was stressed and would teach him how to cook when he asked. You were just everything to him. It took him a long time to confess. He was terrified that you would reject him. You could have had anyone you wanted, why would you choose him?

When he did confess, you were thrilled and he couldn't believe it. You kissed him and he thought he could die happy right then and there. He had never felt this much love for anyone besides his mother.

You continued to break his walls down and he fell deeper in love with you every day. He didn't, however, change his behavior towards others very much. He had grown closer to the team, having regained some trust from them all. He was no longer aggressive and he tried very hard not to lash out. Most of that was out of his own desire to be trusted. He realized that he was going to have to make his life work to remain with you and he slowly learned that most of the people in the compound weren't actually as awful as he might have originally guessed. That didn't mean that his personality changed toward them though. He was still slightly cold and short. He wouldn't smile too much and he was what some might call grumpy most of the time.

That only changed around you and everyone noticed. Loki got teased for it constantly and he couldn't care less. He just wanted to make you happy and he had no regard for what anyone thought of your relationship.

He was waiting patiently in the common area of the compound on the couch. Steve and Rhodey were sat on the couch watching something that Loki didn't recognize or care for, it was some kind of reality TV. When he heard the elevator door open he looked toward the door and you were walking towards him. A grin spread over his face and his posture relaxed. He could hear the men on the couch scoff at his sudden change in demeanor. When you got close to him he picked you up and pulled you to straddle his hips on his lap and immediately began kissing all over you. You buried your face in his chest and he kissed your hair.

"How are you, my love?" He mumbled sweetly and you hummed. "Long day?" he questioned and you nodded in affirmation. "Lets go get you some food then, yes?" He asked lightly and you hummed happily. He picked you up and you clung to him, arms and legs wrapping around him. He carried you with ease toward the kitchen. It shocked you sometimes how much he could lift and how easily he lifted you but you had to remind yourself that he was indeed a god.

"How come you never treat us that way?" Rhodey called from the couch and Loki grumbled a bit.

"Oh I'm sorry did you want me to pick you up and make you some tea?" He asked sarcastically and you giggled from where your face was pressed into his chest. He smiled at the fact that he had gotten you to laugh and he set you on the countertop. He tried to pull away to make you some food but you did not let him leave you, still holding on to the front of the shirt that he was wearing. "Do you want to talk about your day?" He asked sweetly, kissing your forehead lightly. You gazed up at him lovingly and his heart skipped a beat.

"I'm just tired. People are annoying and I didn't exactly sleep much last night." You winked at the last part. He smirked at your comment.

"I'm sorry, my love. I was under the impression that you enjoyed what we did last night but I would be happy to give you plenty of time to sleep tonight if that's what you would prefer." he teased and you punched him lightly in the chest.

"Okay fine you're right, I like getting kept up." You confessed. You paused for a moment and his eyes remained on you as he waited patiently for you to continue. "I was mistaken for an intern again today. You would think that after over a year of working here that people would recognize my name and my work but today there were some new investors walking through the facility. When they came to look at my work they started to talk to one of my coworkers and then turned to me to ask me to get them a coffee order while they waited for the doctor to arrive." You grumbled, your mood now sour at the memory. Loki frowned and he felt his anger begin to take shape inside of him. His eyes flashed green for a moment.

"Would you like me to go and teach them a lesson? Perhaps just to mildly terrify them?" he asked, fully serious. That cheered you up plenty and you chuckled. Loki knew that you were laughing because of the absurdity of his statement and the fact that he was dead serious but he was just happy to see you smile again. "I will never understand the midgardian obsession with gender roles. Though I suppose my own identity is more fluid than most asgardians as well." He confessed and you brought your hand to rest on the side of his face. He leaned his head into your hand as he beamed at you. You loved when he compared his home to yours. It reminded you just how powerful he was and that he still chose to spend his days with you. There was suddenly a flash of green before he held his hand out to you, now holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. When you gasped and moved to grab them he slipped from your grasp to move towards the refrigerator.

"Hey that's not fair, you tricked me." You pouted at him, now grumbling that you couldn't hold him anymore.

"Little dove, I cannot make you food when you hold onto me. When I am finished cooking then you can stay with me for as long as you would like." He promised and you nodded solemnly. He quickly pressed another kiss to your cheek before moving around the kitchen to prepare you waffles as he often did when you were having a long day. You observed the beautiful flowers in your hand and watched him as he moved around the kitchen, a million times more comfortable than he had been when he first moved into the compound. You talked contentedly with the people passing by as well as the man who was diligently trying to improve your mood. Occasionally one of the other team members would walk by and laugh a bit at how caring he was acting toward you, all of them just happy you were content though. Eventually Thor stopped by while Loki put some batter into the waffle iron and sliced some fruit.

"You know, this is the happiest I have ever seen him." He stated simply, a smile in is voice.

"It's the happiest I've been too." You responded with a small grin.

"The last time I saw him open up to someone the way that he opens up to you was on Asgard with our mother. She would be happy to see him being so vulnerable again." He patted your back and walked away as tears started to come to your eyes. The brothers would talk of their mother sometimes and Loki often mention the fact that he believed she would have loved you, if not for your own personality then for what you did for her son. You wished that you could meet her.

You were suddenly taken out of your thoughts by someone handing you a plate of waffles and sliced up fruit with a little container of syrup on the side. You looked up at Loki and nearly cried right there. You put the plate aside for a moment to reach out and pull him into a crushing hug. He was a bit startled but responded quickly, a hand going to the back of your head and his fingers brushing through your hair soothingly.

"Did something happen, my love?" He asked softly and you sniffled a bit.

"Just love you and I'm very thankful for everything you do for me." You got out and he affirmed to himself that he would die for you in an instant.

"I love you too, darling, but I slaved away at those waffles and now they are getting cold." He teased and he kissed your hair gently. You took a deep breath before pulling away, looking up at him with love. You smiled and then hopped off of the counter. He walked with you over to the dining table where he sat next to you and serenely waited as you ate, the food lifting your spirits a bit and easing your anxiety of the day. You planned on spending the rest of it with the man next to you as well as every day after that.

[fuck-customers]

Fuck coworkers/managers/etc

07/26/22, happened 07/24/22

(Tw animal death mid post)

I worked at an animal shelter for 3 weeks…or, technically less because it was 10 total days, only 4 hr shifts starting Tues. the 5th. Long post.

And they did not let me go until Sunday after my shift was nearly fucking over?? It was “at will employment” i guess? Where they can do that legally? I feel it’s insanely disrespectful how they approached it. No warning, no issues brought up. Nothing.

The woman (head of the org?) came over to me around 11:30 (when I’m done at 12)

& said that they can’t keep me as a reg employee

& she thinks I’m a great person

& I have a special connection with the cats.

The problem?? The fucking problem??

All she really said was sort of “It doesn’t seem like this is a good job for you, is it? We’re going to have a lot more animals coming in,

and it’s a lot to keep track of, and we wanted everyone to jump right in. You do things when for ex I say, this needs done, but you seem to be having a hard time. What do you think?”

I assume they chose to get rid of me due to financials and petty issues from this fucking lady that works there.

This job switched to smth completely different from what I signed up for.

We each applied to work with either cats or dogs, can work both but mostly we work separate and it’s individual responsibility.

They planned on scheduling training for us, but wanted to get us set up to work when the animals were planned for, and know basics. They knew I only had some volunteer experience & knowledge from keeping pets.

Ok so I’m there Tues night, Sat & Sun morning. A lot changes thru/out a week. No emails, no phone calls, no group communication. Fuuucck that.

We have reports we’re supposed to write for each shift, so each person coming in knows all the updated info. Apparently no one fucking reads it.

Apparently I don’t get credit for being caring & observant.

The day before I got let go was one of my worst shifts. I go in, and I’m the only one there.

Another big important rule when I first was fucking hired:

2 people are required to be there at 8 am. Me & whoever else, I was there at 8.

She was fucking not, then waited in parking lot for 15 mins knowing I was inside. Came in around 8:30

Okay so this lady.

I only met her once not even actually introduced,

and she was like “oh yeah btw we have this list in order of what needs done,” I’m like ok sure,, don’t fucking trust her word for it as 100% fact bc idk what her fucking role is

She’s not an authority over me, I do what Ik best

Well this day is a week later when she’s late. And I check the animals, turn on lights, read report, wait for second person.

Dogs are 1st priority but as 1 person I’m not taking dogs out of kennel to go outside:

what if they jump or bite or whatever?? Despite trust, that’s basic human decency/safety etc.

She walks in all “did you take dogs out??”

And I said no and she’s like

“You’ve got to take the dogs out first thing”

And I’m like “ok no one was here yet, and there were dead mice in the cats room I cleaned up”

And she said “idc abt dead mice I care abt the dogs”

O fucking k? The cats cld get sick eating mice or from whatever disease the mice had? Or if they are rat poison? Etc

And she said “the dogs are nice, you don’t even have to take them on leashes” ??? Yes you fucking do??? That was a major rule when I started,, they didn’t let me try to put a dog out w/out one??

And this lady lives 5 mins away so she runs home randomly thru out her shifts?? And she’s apparently in a high position in the org?? And runs the social media??

But she had all these “tik tok” ideas for animals yet didn’t know how to fucking use the app?? Why waste time on that shit then??

Later I was cleaning cat & kitten rooms, getting their food/water & I knew one was missing, could not figure out where it was.

Then I turned & saw one on the bottom part of one of their playpen type things??

And it had a collar on it to keep track of it compared to similar ones/potentially due to preparing for adoption?? So it was big & healthy seeming?? Mystery death?

It was lying there, attached to the fabric at the claws, I assumed sleeping, touched it, tried to wake it, realized it was still & dead.

It must’ve passed the night before due to it being stiff & colder to touch. I immediately took out the toy w/it attached & said “I think this kitten is dead??”

And the lady took it & ran to the other room. She exclaimed how she was sure it was “fading kitten syndrome,” like SIDS for kittens, and we had 2 kittens fr the same litter who might die soon too.

Ofc I was upset, lost my composure when returning to the kittens, and then I helped remove all the toys & other items & deep cleaned the room.

Later the staff threw out a file on the kitten & said smth like “we never had that kitten,” as if they were erasing it somehow??

we open 12-5 on weekends. people walked in and I assumed they knew the hours, I was busy filling out a report & such. Big signs outside the building advertise our open hours. They went thru sections & asked abt animals.

The head of the org.‘s husband asked me ‘what’s the deal w these people?’ As if it’s my responsibility when there were 5 of us nearby

So I said “here for adopting I think, or is it not noon yet?” & he was like “yeah it’s not noon”

he informed them of the hrs yet proceeded w allowing them to go thru the process

Later, I was almost done and in the office, a few staff were discussing the new dogs arriving Monday, so I waited, listened, and asked questions.

The head org./woman running the shelter ‘behind the scenes’ said, “no, there won’t be any new rules or anything, we’ll be here,’ meaning extra ppl wld be present to handle all the new animals

& I wouldn’t hv to figure out care on my own for my shift after they’d arrived (I assumed is it what was meant by the answer)

But everyone was already acting slightly suspicious or bemused by my presence/concerns??

And then the next day, mere hours before I was let go, I worked w this girl who was also quiet/kept to herself, so I assumed we were on the same page.

She was fast and got the dogs out, so I went to the cats & isolation room (away from the cats/dogs, w kittens who have health concerns)

In the cat area, she was rushing to get rooms done?? She handed me the litter scoop & said “here, these 2 rooms need done”

& then later was like “oh right that’s what I was going to have you do, spray, wipe off the windows”

O fucking k again why tf are you telling me wtf to do? I’m fine to do what needs done but why are you being this way??

(It seems they all had a group discussion abt me & decided to act/treat me this way??)

I do tasks sort of out of order/seemingly disorganized or scatterbrained bc if I try to get one task done, I hv to get back to another room to get all the fuckign tools I need.

Then I hv to find out where someone left smth,

handle animals who try to run out of rooms, give them attention, notice other issues, etc.

I was offended that she was rushing around and not communicating or seeing where I was/what I was up to

instead of assuming I wasn’t doing what needed done??

And she left the one dog in the indoor play area while she left the room, and he wanted to be let out? I assumed she was taking responsibility for the dogs.

And then he was audibly crying and I was running around the rooms doing other tasks, so again, idk why she fucking left him there ?

It was 11 smth when head org woman and her husband arrived, went into office, etc,

I got to finishing cleaning the windows, checking on things, they’d been there 20+ mins before she told me they were letting me go.

So I’m not sure if they had a discussion in the office and chose to do that that day???

And few mins before it seemed the other girl mentioned me to them??

I feel disrespected because

I was never approached to discuss problems,,

I’m assuming I was left out of group communication maybe unintentionally? What the fuck was I missing??

They changed their expectations and did not do anything to make that clear??

Most of the job includes cleaning up animal shit which is gross and difficult, and I was expected to know how to do everything properly with no fucking training??

I’m prob autistic and I ask several clarifying questions, try to ensure I’m keeping track of new info, but they were extremely disorganized.

As one of my friends said,

they did not set me up for success.

Fuck them, fuck that situation. I was passionate and kind and did my fucking best. They want to keep me as on call and for volunteering but…

[sunsents]

Empty - F.W (1/2)

Gah daym this was a JOURNEY to write. I swore to myself to never write angst because, well I suck at it. But here we are, I swear this has a good ending because my heart can't bear that. I could've written this much better, so I promise to bring my A GAME for chapter 2. Enjoy, also Lee in this is a hate crime. This is very story telling-esk so I hope it flows well.

I wouldn't have written this chapter without the help of my good friend @mochiixjimin she helped me edit and spice up this whole thing so thank you so much to her! She's an amazing writer, go check out her work and show her some big love right now or else!! her wattpad

Chapter 1 out of 2 (Backstory)

Summary —> Life has always been a cruel joke to you, yet you simply play along. Overshadowed by Eva Burke your whole life, watching from the sidelines while everyone flooded each other with love, it would always feel like a joke.

Pairing: fredweasley x fem!reader

Word count: 6.1k

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST (with a fluffy ending in the second part) / One mature scene (18+) and then it's angst again <3 / Some slander / Offensive language

Rating: 18+

DON’T REPOST MY WORK

You were a bright child.

Beaming bright enough to keep a tight lipped smile during flu-shots, and enough to put on a happy façade when your dad threw away the drawing you had done of your family dog, rather than hang it up on the fridge.

Children have foolish dreams, and that was yours. Your friends in preschool boasted about their pictures being hung like trophies on fridges, with decorative magnets and even bigger pink bow ties.

The fridge in the Y/L/N manor was empty. Always empty, just how Ms. Y/L/N liked it. Empty marble floors with empty rug designs, and empty rooms with even emptier people living in it. They were both empty people. Hollow and void of any emotion, at least towards you.

You were different though. You were filled to the brim with ambition and hope and so many positive emotions that your parents never seemed to reflect on you. You were like those Disney princesses. The princesses always had hope, and when you have hope good things happen.

Right?

Your dad never meant to give you false hope. He just wished you’d keep your mouth shut as he worked until late hours. Using big words and having big aspirations, you shouldn’t have.

Mr and Mrs Y/L/N weren't bad people per say, just busy. They didn't know how to raise a child, this was obvious, because the purpose of even having a child was to fix their marriage. But a temporary fix wouldn't do it, it never did. There was always that hole on the roof, leaking rain of despair into their falsely built home that no bucket big enough could hold back. Because it always found a way to overflow.

They didn't know how to show their love, so they did it with money, clothes, toys and crayons that you would later use to draw pictures of your family, only to have them end up in the dumpster once again.

They spoiled you rotten, bought you gifts you never even dreamed of asking. You just shut up and enjoyed it, what else could you do? Whine and demand attention? Risk losing their favor? There was no favor to lose.

You got yourself a fat A plus on your third grade math test. Star stickers on your chest, you entered through the glass double doors of your house with a crooked smile - two front teeth missing of course - making your joy all the more endearing. Your backpack strapped tightly over your narrow shoulders, hanging low with all the crammed books you pushed before leaving school because you were just so excited to show your parents.

You received a big sloppy kiss from your Nanny, who practically was like a second mom to you, and dashed right into your fathers office to show him your new accomplishment.

"Good job, I'm proud of you."

You froze. You found a way to actually get their attention. The attention you so craved, the recognition you would die for. This was revolutionary. Basically a new era for you.

Nanny made you a star shaped cake that night, and sat with you while gently stroking your hair and listening to you blabber about how easy the math questions were. It felt warm, motherly love. Even if it was false, it would never compare to the love of your own mother, a love you would never get.

You spent all your night studying, your eyes burning under the harsh light of your lamp in the early mornings and your pencil, ebbing away over sheets and sheets of blank paper. Writing away your little hands off until they ached, just to snatch another A and get a good job.

This was good, it worked out very well. You became that student who looked forward to class, just to get a good grade and have the validation of your parents. The sight of your father’s lips quirk up even in the slightest, and how your mother’s eyes shone briefly in appreciation of your hard work, even if it was for a quick second, it was worth it.

Until the new neighbors moved in.

Mr. Burke was a round, cheerful man with an even rounder belly, and a big fat pipe that always hung on his lips. Mrs Burke looked and acted like those fairy godmothers you adored. You couldn’t believe such people existed. Mr Y/L/N invited them over for dinner, for courtesy. He was not happy about said courtesy.

He ended up liking the couple, they had a little daughter called Eva, who was small and adorable with round red cheeks and big doe eyes. Not only Mr and Mrs Burke, but the Y/L/N’s adored Eva as well. She was happy, always smiling, and her teeth weren't nearly as crooked as yours, not to mention she had pretty long hair like a princess.

You liked her a lot, took her to pick flowers, showed her the drawings you had prepared for the empty fridge; in case Mr Y/L/N ever had a change of heart and hung them up, you had been trying for three years and weren't giving up any sooner.

Eva was nice, kind enough to share her M&M's and very used to compliments unlike you. She seemed to get a lot from her parents and yours. The adults were so kind to her, always smothering her with love and kisses. You were happy for Eva, happy that Eva somehow managed to gain the favor of your parents before you did.

Little girls tended to be jealous, you weren’t. You were just glad to have a friend so cool, she didn't blush and stutter under praise and apparently her drawings were pretty enough to go on a fridge.

It was a Thursday afternoon when your mom smiled at you for the first time since your last exam grade. "Look, Eva drew us a picture, isn't it pretty?"

The crayola stash under your bed was no longer needed, they appeared clumsily dumped in the neighborhood trash the next day, most of them stomped under the pressure of your little sneakers. And the bundle of drawings you hid under your pillow, wishing on fairy godmother that one day they would be hung up too, were ripped; clearly a struggle given. You had paper cuts on your hands, and your Nanny thankfully applied ointment before Ms and Mr Y/L/N noticed, or rather, stopped to care.

Though you knew that even if you paraded herself with bloody fingers dripping to your elbows, they wouldn't care.

Nanny did, she was there. There when you were haunted with nightmares when the moon was particularly dark, cooing at you and letting you sleep next to her in that small bed of hers. There when you tripped and fell, small scratch resulting in a screaming tantrum. She was gentle, sweet, paid well.

You decided to go and pick flowers with Eva, and make a pretty flower crown for yourself, months after your drawing incident. Of course, you didn't have such silly dreams anymore. You didn’t wish to have your pictures hung, to have your mother wear the flower crowns you made and frankly you didn’t care for the sight of the sparkle in your parents eyes. Nanny’s was enough.

Eva agreed, dressed in a pink tutu Mrs Y/L/N gifted. You didn't comment, though deep down you gazed at the skirt in sparkling envy. Your mother never bothered to get you such pretty things. The two of you gathered saturated petals and nice ribbons while giggling amongst yourselves. Until, you accidentally caused Eva’s flowers to levitate.

Eva ran home, crying and calling you a witch. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N’s dirty looks made her feel shameful, and even dirtier when a letter addressed to her was dropped by a pretty owl you insisted on petting. It was from a school called Hogwarts, in the faraway land of London, and it seemed, not only you but Eva got the same letter the next day.

Though the Y/L/N’s and Burke’s were proud of Eva’s letter. They weren’t with yours.

— — — —

The ride to Hogwarts was interesting to say the least. You had so many questions unanswered, were you a fairy godmother too? Was that your destiny? Was that the reason you never got any attention, because you were destined to give instead of receive?

Eva was cheerful as always, making fast friends in newly bought uniforms and holding a pretty, long and thin wand, with designs flowing across the premise. Your wand was...functional. You were sad you couldn't choose, and that the wand chose the owner. It didn't make sense, what if you didn't want this wand? What if you wanted something charming like Eva’s? It should have been mutual.

It was while trying to find your way to the bathroom that you met the Weasley twins. Quite handsome, a year older and absolute fucktards. A word you learned from the two. Though you always found yourself laughing more at Fred’s jokes, you liked them both equally.

“Hey George! Look.” Fred had exclaimed, clinging onto his brothers shoulder and dragging him across. “Who's that girl?”

You introduced yourself, happy façade on, gentle words slipping out of your mouth like nectar. They had to like you, you told yourself. Just this once, more than Eva.

When sorted into Gryffindor, Eva, you and the twins became inseparable. Your group grew in second year, when Katie, Lee and Alicia Spinnet joined the bunch. You would make fun of the ghastly Potions Professor Snape, and imitate Dumbledore in the hallways to mess with the older students.

You loved your time at Hogwarts, and the adventures that came every year. Especially when Harry Potter joined.

“Hey Fred.”

Fred, who was fiddling with his bracelet you had bought him hummed in response, not bothering to look up.

You sighed, “Do you think the flowers can feel it when we pluck them?”

Fred turned at that, his bracelet was now tightly secure after his struggles. “I hope not.” he smiled, a faraway look on his face whenever he gazed at you. “You know, some people like pain.” he winked.

You merely looked at him confused, clearly way too young for...whatever that is.

He started laughing loudly, slapping his knee and causing you to scoff and slap him on the shoulder.

Third year was when it bloomed. The slight girly attention you gave Fred grew. Fred was...Fred. A handsome ginger, beater for their house's Quidditch team, always charming and charismatic that somehow oozed out of him whenever he did anything really. It was not unusual, every girl in school had a crush on him. That wasn't the case, Fred was one of your best friends, and you refused to entertain the idea of a possible...relationship.

Yet sometimes, you'd find yourself thinking about hugging and kissing Fred like you’d seen couples in your favorite movies did and you’d fall asleep with reddened cheeks and a boy with even redder hair in your mind.

But feelings couldn’t be controlled, nor easily hidden. Eva found out in your fourth year after hearing you mumble his name in your dreams. Fred Weasley was getting more handsome as years passed, and you found it hard to contain your feelings. You were crushing, hard.

Eva was...Eva about it. Happy, but nothing changed. She didn't tease like George did when he found out, nor did she act any differently towards Fred.

“Hey ____!” Fred had sat next to you, shaking the entire couch because he grew that tall during summer. “Got a new girl after me.” he looked at you, almost expectantly, as if you wouldn’t react the way you always reacted.

“That’s great Fred.” you smiled, gulping whatever lump that was forming in your throat and struggling to come out as vulgar words you wished to yell.

“Yeah,” Fred sighed, “It’s...great.”

Fred Weasley was a ladies man, and he wasn't afraid to show it. It was okay, because you were happy enough to be one of his closest, and that was enough. He often boasted about getting girls, and how successful his jokes were, and you always loved snapping back to him cockily, even more cockily than him. Playful banter was easy, comforting between them and when he turned away you would love to shyly entertain the idea of being one of those girl’s Fred talked about.

Fifth year, you had a sudden growth spurt. That was also the year where you discovered Cosmopolitan, Vogue and of course Witch Weekly. Hair no longer in a ponytail, legs shaved and smooth, short skirts with no nylons, you were a new person. After getting your period in third year, your spurt came late, but sudden. Way too sudden in the time of three months. It was hard to handle the changes occurring to your body. It was all too much that you had to become a lady and the fact that you didn’t have your mother to help was a pain you hid deep within.

It was as if whichever god above decided to squeeze your entire life into a summer and call it a day, because it was simply too busy. How ironic. No one saw your growth except old Nanny Gladys. Not Eva, nor her parents considering they went on a getaway and the Burke's, who had gone to Brazil.

But you were over that, you discovered the great telephone, and the great Hermione Granger, package deal with Ginny Weasley. You guys would talk on the phone for hours upon hours, Ginny obscuring your personality and Hermione altering your view on your parents. And Hermione was right, they were assholes. You didn't give a flying fuck about empty praises anymore.

You had become almost too tall for your older clothes, and your breasts were way too big to fit in the training bra you bought not even a month ago. Your hips, now wide and swaying as you walk became graceful, were decorated with long gem bracelets.

You cursed like a sailor that summer, ran around fields with family - your family being your dog, Jambo - bare feet. You stomped on flowers you used to pick as a little girl, stomping on those silly fairytale dreams you used to nurse, and never felt freer. For the first time ever you felt that maybe being empty could be more freeing than having false hope weighing you down.

Returning to Hogwarts was a big deal to students. Who changed, who glowed up after what happened last year - nothing, it was all childish drama.

Before your parents could even see your new self, your escapade to the Granger household was successful. The Y/L/N's didn't care, nor did they write. You knew it should’ve hurt, but frankly, you didn’t think having the pain in your chest was worth it. Hermione was awestruck, of course, after laying her sights on you for the first time since May and insisted on walking into the Entrance Hall, arm in arm with her and Ginny to show you off like some sort of revelation.

It was a revelation all right, at least to the boys, and some girls. It seemed no one saw you as a girl before. George oogled, and Lee was so shocked to find out that you were actually a girl with a pretty figure and an even prettier smile that he stopped clapping you on the back like he always did. Not a girl, you have become a woman. It was far too sudden, new uniforms and a whole new wardrobe had to be bought.

"____? You were a girl?" Fred joked, ruffling your hair like nothing changed between you. And that's when you realized, no slutty skirt, how much pushup your bra, or no matter how pretty your hair looked, Fred would always see you as ____, the girl with crooked front teeth and who once ate a worm in second year. Your teeth weren't crooked at all anymore - thanks to a few years of braces - and finally clear of uncomfortable metals but you felt as if Fred would always see the ghost of them on your pearly whites when you smiled.

He had this view of you that blinded him, caused him to treat you as he treated Ginny while he flirted and played footsie with other girls, including Eva.

That did not stop Eva from giving you false hope, and you took the bait, naive like always. Hope, that's what ruined it all. "You're beautiful now, of course you have a chance!" she said, rubbing your shoulder reassuringly, as if she had warmth to begin with.

It was all false, yet you still believed. You always had. Like a fool.

Ginny didn't like Eva, and maybe that's why you gravitated towards her. She was the first person who had ever met Eva that wasn't charmed by her kind smile and attractive words. Eva was...displeased. She grew up having the attention of everyone around, so when Ginny Weasley told her straight to her face that she wasn't shit, Eva seethed. The attention of Ginny changed nothing though, because Eva was the main character. Everyone - except Ginny, and secretly Hermione (though she would never say it) - loved her, they followed her around like puppies and praised her on her wonky wand work.

The upcoming Yule Ball brought great upswing to Hogwarts.

You were far too busy with her classes to take interest in the tournament - even though the dragon race was the gnarliest sight you had ever seen. Your goal was set, become a badass Auror and move out as soon as possible, so you didn't have to face your parents (except Holidays, yuck.)

But the Yule Ball was your chance. A chance with Fred Weasley.

You could ask to go as friends and maybe, just maybe a little hope and the night would end much more romantic than you had anticipated.

Plucking up courage was the hardest part, you practiced with your bathroom mirror so long that Ginny had to blast through the door and drag you out of her dormitory.

Fred Weasley agreed, why wouldn't he? You, his closest friend, asking to go as a group and drink all night while gossiping? It was a win win. At least that's what you told herself.

That was a lie, it wasn't a win win.

You gave it your all getting ready, dress silk, makeup and expensive shoes. You took a long shower, scrubbing and shaving yourself to a smooth gliding porcelain, only for it all to be washed down with reddened eyes and a boy with even redder hair.

Fred greeted you the same, danced the same, and you chatted the same; you were reminded again, for the second time, that you stood no chance.

Fred told you that he was going to get drinks, a quick trip to the booth and mumbled I'll be back in a second. He was not back in a second. Several minutes passed, and your worries caused your feet to follow after Fred's footsteps.

You ran, trying to find him in the empty corridors of Hogwarts, tears welling in your eyes because he wouldn't. He wasn't that cruel, life wasn't that cruel.

But it was, and in a distant empty classroom you saw Fred Weasley, on his knees and between Eva's legs, groaning and praising her like a starved man. Worshipping her like everyone else had, burying himself in her and completely forgetting the drink he’d bring back in just a second. He’d left you thirsty and alone in the Great Hall and left you to drink from a cup he hadn’t known to be forbidden. Yet Eva did.

Eva's perfect dainty hands tangled in his ginger hair, thighs clamping shut while her high pitched moans flooded your mind and echoed around your head. They were so loud that she couldn’t even hear the loud echoes of your footsteps and the woeful cries that left your lips as you ran. It wouldn’t be the first time she had ignored your pain for her own selfish reasons.

Your heart shattered, and suddenly you were six again, watching your parents praise Eva, hang her drawing on the fridge. A soft breeze tickling your bare toes, dangling from the small cushioned seat you sat on while you watched Eva braid Mrs Y/L/N’s hair. Emotionless, silent, not asking for anything, knowing that you won't receive in return. Eva's small hands carefully placed the flower crown on Mrs Y/L/N’s pool of hair, and she smiled, heart warming and hopeful. Suddenly you remembered the feel of your own hands tangling in between your locks as you stood on your tiptoes, trying to imitate your mothers braid on yourself in the mirror you couldn't reach. You pretended, only for a moment before it twisted into knots.

What a cruel joke, you thought as you watched Eva receive the world from Fred, from your parents, from your friends and from every damn person you had met.

You cried on a big set of stairs that night, your wails echoing as you asked whoever, whatever what you had done. What you had done to deserve such treatment from the people around you. It was rather cliche - and maybe a bit too dramatic. It was an uncomfortable seat of course, and your body, as well as your heart, ached. Pain, misery, false hope and enough hair spray to melt the ozone.

The princesses always cried on big sets of stairs, uncomfortable stone floors causing them to shiver while they hid away their beautifully animated faces in their perfect hands. This was different, there was no fairy godmother to fix your makeup and clone a gentlemanly Fred Weasley, a perfect prince. You knew, because you cried, and prayed and cried and prayed until your throat was sore. There was no fairy godmother, it was all a lie. There was no happy ending. There would be none.

No one came to find you that night either, and you had to drag yourself back to the Gryffindor common room, feet bare, mascara, blush - anything else you put on in hopes of being able to become like Eva even only for one night - practically nonexistent from the way your tears washed them away.

You didn't sleep that night, and your head was unusually clear, pounding, but clear. You laid awake, eyes blood-shot and stinging while your dress shuffled uncomfortably between your sheets. You were too tired to change, and your dress was far too pretty to be worn so short.

Ginny's words replayed over and over again. "They're not worth it." her voice was so clear, and true. Mr and Mrs Burke weren't worth it. Your parents weren't worth it. Fred Weasley wasn't worth it. Eva wasn't worth it. The midnight chirping of bugs invited themselves in from your open window, and blue moonlight streaks beaming down in lines from the tulle curtain flowed with breeze, it was calming.

You felt calm, for the first time in sixteen years. You felt calm.

Fred and Eva started dating that week. Everyone acted like they expected it, and you realized just how blind you had been. Eva Burke and Fred Weasley, golden couple of Hogwarts.

You watched them, emotionless, as they embraced with love and so much passion that you felt embarrassed. Embarrassed at how you’d blushed and squeal over Fred in front of Eva and George and anyone who had found out because now you knew. Now you knew that their amused smiles were probably pitying grimaces because they knew that you two were never meant to be. It was always Fred and Eva.

Fred was an amazing boyfriend, making sure Eva was taken care of, lovingly staring at her whenever and wherever, arm looped around her waist at all times; you realized they were truly not worth it.

"You disgust me."

You didn't mean the words to escape so carelessly, but when you said them, you realized you didn't want to take them back. The growing pit in your stomach felt weightless. "Excuse me?" said Fred, stopping his nibbling on Eva's neck, who was just as shocked. You scoffed, Eva already had enough purple bruises to parade around so why did Fred have the need to add more?

"You heard me right," George, Lee, Ron, Harry, Katie and whoever sitting in their circle stared at you, wide-eyed, Ginny and Hermione, however, were grinning devilishly. Kind ____, wouldn't hurt a fly, quiet at times and didn't know how to stand up for herself. It was shocking, but you were done pretending. You didn't want to be like that anymore, you wanted to say whatever came to mind and not worry about the consequences. "You guys disgust me, I know I should be supportive but you don't match, at all."

You turned to George. "And you, no you can't talk about Katie like that." George went pink. "You're disgusting for sleeping around carelessly and telling girls you'd write, stop giving people false hope. Grow up. You’re nearly an adult and you can’t even treat a girl right."

"And you Lee," Lee went quiet. "What gives you the right to make fun of me like that. I'll wear whatever the fuck I want, just because you don't have the courage to wear a headband. If you can talk about my breasts, I'll talk about your shrimp."

"Ron, you take advantage of Hermione then lead her on. Open your eyes, asshole."

"Harry, you're not the main character. You're not always going to be the center of attention, nor do you have the right to yell at your friends."

"Alicia, god you're so stupid. I'm sorry, you're great but such an airhead. No, you can't ride a Thestral if you can't see them, and stop eating quill ink they're bad for you."

You stood up, grinning proudly, heart loud in your chest you feared someone might hear. "Frankly, I don't wanna be friends anymore. I'm done with this façade, except you two, 'Gin, Hermione. The rest of you are just so fake." she gestured to them. "Boys," she nodded again. "Don't talk to me anymore, and Lee, give me back the money, think it's about time don't you think? I've been paying for you since third year."

And with that, you left. You left Three Broomsticks, grin wide and chest heaving. Hermione and Ginny ran behind, whooping and cheering you on as they laughed.

The news of your outburst spread fast like wildfire caught in wind. That week was bliss, you no longer had to watch Fred and Eva, nor did you have to act sweet to anyone. You didn't have to laugh along Lee's sexist jokes and look away to wince, it was pure bliss. You realized that the feeling of being free didn’t have to be momentary.

Pansy Parkinson was surprisingly a good friend, she didn't have the same fakeness to her, the one Eva had where her smile was too kind. She spoke her mind, though every Slytherin did, and you liked that. Ginny wasn't happy with your new found friends, but she couldn't separate you. You made your own decisions from now on. It was refreshing.

You told your new friends everything, eager to get it off your chest and breathe, and they listened. For the first time, someone listened. You didn't have to get good grades, nor did you have to act like a sweet angel.

You teared up the first time Pansy said; "It's not your fault,". You knew it wasn't your fault, but hearing someone else say it with such genuine eyes made you believe. Actually believe.

It started off with you watching from the sidelines as Draco and Blaise pranked, insulted and shamed whatever your old friend group did. It wasn't unusual for Draco to act this way, but he got especially irritated after hearing what you told them. Blaise, someone usually quiet, had stepped up and decided to somehow release the pent up anger he had for the Gryffindor students.

The year ended, and you had started to sneak in an insult or two towards Fred and Eva. It felt nice, like finally, step by step you were clearing your years of hidden jealousy. But, there was no one to tell you that this simply wasn't the right way.

That summer, you stayed at the Burrow. Ginny had invited you and you were quick to say yes; obviously a fact forgotten. Fred, George and whoever you had insulted last year stayed in the same house. You simply didn't want to go home, and if this meant seeing Fred Weasley then you had to endure it.

Molly Weasley was the sweetest person you could ever meet, and it was genuine. It felt genuine, you feared your teeth might rot if the woman got another word in. Molly greeted you as if you were her own daughter she hadn't seen in years. You felt valued, seen.

Until Eva was there, Fred invited her. You had to watch the only person you were able to love, introduce the only person he was able to love to his mother. It wasn't you. It would never be you.

And you realized, even after everything, Eva had once again found a way to be more loved than you.

The grin Molly broke out was nothing short of beautiful, and you couldn't help but smile as well. The smile wasn't directed towards you of course, and you sat on that small kitchen chair, celebrating a relationship that caused your ruin.

Eva didn't care that your friendship was over, nothing budged in her life. She still got the same attention, still received the same love from Fred. The same affection, the same attention and the same everything. Or so it seemed.

Though unlike Eva, Fred merely watched you with sad eyes.

You stayed clear of the couple and the rest. You hung out with Ginny and Hermione only, ignoring the dirty looks Ron and Harry gave you. The secret, whispered insults Eva threw your way. George didn't say anything, but he didn't object either. This was enough to show how he felt. At this point you really didn't care. Why would you, when they didn’t either?

You held your head high just like Ginny and Hermione told you to, and you spoke in a loud and clear tone whenever asked something. Eva didn't, she stuttered when you spoke to her directly. Her words scrambled against each other when she tried to voice her insults in louder statements than a whisper. For the first time, you felt relief. You felt intimidating, protected by the barriers you had built around yourself.

Longest day of summer hit, and it boiled. Tanning became a distant dream, you would bake in this weather, and you were thankful to the big AC box you had brought from home. You couldn't sleep that night, sweat beads falling down your forehead that was already covered in a thin sheen. You had decided to get a cold glass of water, not sure how you ended up face to face with Fred Weasley. His wand tip shone with blue light, and his freckles were much darker because of the sun. It seemed the sun decided to be cruel to Fred Weasley back and wash Fred over with it's deathly heat. He was sunburnt, this was an understatement. He was burnt.

You couldn't help but start laughing when you met, ignoring the proximity, ignoring the sleeping house, dead silent and a big leap from the lively Burrow, ignoring Fred's soft breaths he let out every other second. You couldn't live off on false hope anymore.

Suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore, and your face quickly fell. You took a big step back and inhaled, ready to ignore him like you had been doing for the past year. But Fred Weasley was a persistent man, and he gripped your arm and looked at you with determined, doe-like eyes. "Tell me what I did wrong." he said, adamant on fixing this, whatever this was. You both didn't know.

You stood silent.

"Please flower,"

"Don't call me that." you said, stern and gaze sharp. Fred didn't react, he kept on insisting.

"Please, tell me how to fix this. I can fix it," he pleaded, a plethora of empty promises fell out of his lips like nothing. He lied like it was nothing, he was oblivious to everything he and everyone around them had put you through. It was infuriating.

You didn't say anything. You knew he would not fix anything but maybe staying silent would give him the false hope that spinned mockingly in your head for the past eighteen years.

"I'm sorry, just please. I can fix this, I promise, don't be like that." empty tears fell down from his eyes. He looked empty, tired. They lacked the charm they usually shined with and you wondered if it was only you that caused such dullness. Eye bags prominent that you never noticed before. It all felt like a lie, a cruel joke.

Fred Weasley was simply a cruel joke. His presence could only be compared to a shot of whiskey, especially when you down it like how Hagrid nurses a Firewhiskey filled pint glass. You never know how it will hit you. But in the end, you'd always find yourself curled next to the toilet, crying your eyes out because your headache was simply too much.

He was sobbing now, hanging onto your waist like you would simply vanish and you let him. The grip he had on was like steel vice - almost concerning - but you didn't touch him, didn't say anything. You just let him be, like he did to you. Allowed him to hopelessly hang off you before you would eventually leave him alone, like he did to you. "Where did I go wrong? How could we end up like this? What went wrong?"

‘You’, but your voice couldn’t be found.

Questions were useless when the answer was already right in front of his eyes. You didn’t let a single tear fall, you wouldn't forgive yourself if you cried in front of him.

You blinked, and that night was over. Summer continued on like nothing happened, like it didn't leave you heart broken and in such shame yet again. You continued on ignoring Fred as he looked at you with sorrowful eyes. Looked at you more, with more than he did his own girlfriend.

You blinked and the school year started again with another terror looming around the corner. There was simply no need to keep up anymore, because school was easy. You attended classes, got good grades, a few scar here and there from Umbridge's torture chamber, a woman who stood at a whopping five foot three yet still teriffied an entire school.

You blinked and you had already become a proud member of Draco's insult the Gryffindor's club. You didn't even feel bad, being horrible to the people you hated for years felt like a breath of fresh air. You didn't go as far as physically hurting any of your old friends, but coming up with damaging insults was such fun. A lot more fun than sitting around with a fake smile.

You blinked, and you were already moving out from your childhood house. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N were unusually happy, this was a given. They would have a new empty room and make another office, like they didn't have enough already. You feared they would start getting rid of bathrooms once too into their work, and they would have to do their business in bushes or buckets. Scratch that, you didn't fear that, it would be fucking hilarious.

You blinked, and when had time passed too quickly? Where did all those empty childhood years had gone? You were already graduating, on your way to become an Auror. You had lost contact with all your old friends now, regretfully Ginny and Hermione too.

The war had hit too quickly, luckily you survived, so did your friends. Unluckily, it left you with a nasty scar right across your left brow. It looked sick, but the hit wasn't worth it. It hurt like a bitch. You could see, it was a close call but vision wasn't an issue. The trauma though, god did Bellatrix's breath smell bad.

When it was all over, you had seen Fred hugging his family tightly. It seemed the Weasley's all survived, and you gave them each tight lipped smiles while holding a bunched up rag to your head to stop the blood gushing out. This wasn't the reunion you wanted to have with Ginny, but hey, you take what you can get after a revolutionary Wizarding war you barely made out alive.

Before a franticly running Fred could reach you though, you apparated to your flat in Diagon Alley, ignoring the thrumming of your heart, and how you practiced in front of a mirror to congratulate their successful joke shop that morning.