#I actually konw someone that did something like this

[storge]

Would you like a cup of coffee? Ep. 1

[aliasimagines]

Melted Hearts 

 Jason Todd(Titans) x f!reader with ice powers

Requested by @im-hqlover

Hii! I've been thinking a lot and came to a conclusion for my request. I wish you could do a headcanon or imagine (which one do you think is best) about a Jason Todd (could be from the Titans) x fem reader (could you do with the personality of my old requests, please?) she is a training superhero (like robin with batman) where she would have ice/snow powers (who will she be apprentice I will leave your choice :3). The situation would be: How did they meet? First thoughts? Friendship? Dating? oh, and I forgot to say that she is two years younger than him and that she is kind of short. I hope you do not mind... btw, i can't wait

A/N: IT IS FINALLY HERE!!! I made the reader the apprentice of Wonder Woman. Reader lives with Diana so she can train her. Diana is reader's 'aunt' in civil. Also this doesn’t realy fit into any timline so it’s kind of an au. This is supe long and probably full of typos but it’s 3 am an I just really wanted to post it. There is fluff in it and a bit of angst too. Anyway I really hope you will enjoy it and thank you for being patient with me for my super slow writing.

Jason shifted uncomfortably in his well tailored suit. He stood with his back against the wall. He looked around with slight disgust and annoyence.He watched as Gothams richest people chatted with expensive drinks in their hands. This is not how he imagined his friday evening yet here he was. Bruce didn’t even wanted to hear about Jason staying in his room in order to avoid this event. Even if Jason promised not to blast his musicals too loud.

He sighed pulling his fingers through his hair. Bruce didn’t say anything about being sober so... Jason left his ‘hiding spot’, a relatively hidden corner to find some booze. He tried to walk normaly, not wanting to attach any eyes on himself. Just when he spotted the temporary bar at the end of the room he felt somthing, or rather someone bump into his chest. He looked down to see the a short girl with (e/c) eyes and (fav/c) dress. She immediatly started rammbeing .

“Oh...I’m so sorry...I..I didn’t mean to!”

“It’s quite alright dear” he noticed you looking over his shoulders again and again “You lookin for someone?”

You finally looked up to properly take in the person whom you just ran into.A light pink blush appeared on your cheeks looking at the handsome boy in front of you.

“I..Yeah, I actually am looking for my aunt.”

“Well let me help you. where did you last saw her?” he offered you a kind smile while straightening his shirt. You pointed to the other side of the space, at the pretty looking flowers.

“Around those plants. I went to smell them but when I turned back around she wasn’t there.”You explained and  Jason nodded, hummig to himself.

“Hmm. I see. We should check the  dancefloor”

The dancefloor was full of extravagantly dressded people and Jason wouldn’t necessarily go there but with this beautiful girl next to him... You shook your head unsure.

“I don’t know...My aunt is not much of a dancer.” biting your lips you tried to think  where Diana coud have gone.Jason scratched the back of his head before akwadly offered his hand to you.

“But we could still dance.I mean only if you want to...”

As the blush creeped it’s way back on your face you stood there hesitantly. You don’t even know this guy....but he seemed nice. And he was hot... By the time this went down in your head your cheeks were burning one again.

“I...yeah. Sure.My aunt can wait.”You took his hand and let him lead you in the middle of the waltzing crowd.

He was a suprisingly good dancer. Well, if you think about it it wasn't that surprising. He was at this gala. His eyes met your gaze and smirked. Jason looked down at you, took tale a better look at you. You wore a really beautiful dress. You must be from some rich family to be here.

"So how do you like it here so far Miss... Damn, I'm so rude! I didn't even ask your name neither have I introduced myself. My name's Jason Todd. And who would you be my dear?"

"Y/N Y/L. It's a pleasure" you did a quick bow which made Jason laugh a little.

"The pleasure is all mine Y/N. So...?"

"Oh yeah. Well you see I didn't wanted to come but my aunt is good friends with Mr Wayne and she really wanted me to accompany her so I didn't think I would particularly enjoy this night but now I'm actually starting to like it."

His lips curler upwards once again.

"I'm happy to hear that. And let me tell you I feel the exact same thing."

You continued dancing for a good 15 minutes or so when Jason asked if you wanted to drink something. When you nodded the two of you walked over to the bar and just as you got your drink you saw a tall burbette woman walk towards you.

"Diana!!" you exclaimed and launched forward to hug her. She opened her arms.

"Y/N!! I searched for you everywhere!" she shouted in suprise. She then stepped back to look at you, making sure you were alright.

"I'm sorry, I got lost and then asked Jason here to help me find you but we started dancing and lost track of time and....."

"It's alright honey I see you were in good hands. Hi Jason!" she made a small wave at your dancing partner.

"Diana! It's always a pleasure." he nodded with a kind smile.

"Wait... Do you know each other?"

"Well yes. I told you that Bruce is my friend. And I've met his sons a few time. " Diana explained

"His son??" you turned to him shocke.

He shrugged in a 'it's not that big of a deal' way.

"Adopted"Jason said taking a sip of his drink.

"You didn't tell me!"

"We met less than 30 minutes ago"

It was your turn to shrug your shoulders and hum in agreement. "That's true."

With Diana in your presence you become more comfortable with talking. Jason was quite a good person to talk to. You soon lost track of time again and when you next looked at Diana she was talking to a dark haired man. The man turned out to be Bruce Wayne, you've got intruduced, had a small talk, he spoke a little to Jason making him roll his eyes but the man turned his attention back to your 'aunt' short after.

Jason tapped your shoulder. "Hey, you wanna get some fresh air?"

You looked at Diana but she just smiled at you over Bruce's shoulder so you noded at the boy in front of you.

He took your hand and lead you out of the crowded room. It was dark and cold outside which you found comforting. It was a clear night and if you weren't this close to the city you could have seen some stars too. He took you to the garden and following a small trail you soon arrived to a bench under a huge oak tree. You sat down, eyes still glued to the sky.

“It’s nice isn’t it?” Jason gestured to the trees, the garden and all the flowers in it. “ I spend most of my time here. Well, besides my room and the gym.”

“Yeah, It is realy beautiful.” you agreed.

“Hey, aren’t you cold? Your hands are like icicles. I could give you my jacket, if you wanna.”

“No thanks. I like the cold.” you smiled

“Cool.”

“So Jason, you must tell me. What’s it like to live in a big mansion as this??”

None of your goddamn bussines- was his first thought. And he probably would have said that to anyone else but there was something about you.I mean he was just trying to flirt at te beginning but youve been talking non-stop for an hour or so since than.

“Cool. I mean it’s big as fuck so you can always sneak away in a corner to read calmy.”

To read calmly??? Really?? he thought. Why the fuck am I saying these to her?!

Jason was all about keeping his not caring, smug mask on all time and reading classic literature doesn’t fit in beetwen those lines. So he doesn’t really put it out in the open.

“I can imagine! It must be nice. You have a fireplace ,right? Curling up next to it with a good book...Ah, just thinking about it is great.”

Jason slightly  raised his eyebrows in confusion as you did not mention his reading habits but soon he hid his suprise with a smirk.

“You could curl up next to me anytime, doll.”

You scoffed, trying to mask your embarrassment. Looking away you saw your favourite flower on the other side of the garden and stood up to smell them. Jason followed not long after. You two walked around in the garden for a fair amount of time before Jason lead you up a stairway. It lead to a balcony. The light breeze caught in your hair as you looked at the distant lights of Gotham City. You closed your eyes, just trying to cherish the moment. Neither of you talked, it was guiet but in a  nice and comforting way. You don’t know how much time has passed but you winced a little when he spoke up, his soft spoken words bringing you back to the present.

“I liked this night, It was a relief to be around someone who is so chill. It’s rare tht i enjoy this kinda stuff.” he said looking ath the sky while leaning on the balcony railing. You felt a sense of pride, making you feel wam, You were so happy that you could make his night better.

“I did enjoy this too. You’re a good company. I don’t know what will you say but I must ask...Would you like to keep in touch?”

You really loved your time with Jason. His lips curvd up in a smirk.

“Oh believe me,doll. I konw I’m the best company. I’ll give ya my number, call me back so I’ll have yours too.”

Afer exchanging numbers you went back inside because it was actually pretty cold out there and seeing that the guest has left, leaving Alfred to clean up the mess. You two decided to help him. Diana and Bruce were talking anyway. By the time Diana grabbed your coat and announced that it’s time to get going you were exhausted so yo only nded in response. After both of you said your goodbyes you left too.

You popped yourself down on your bed but not before taking a quick shower and changing into your pj’s. Just than you saw your phone’s screen lit up. Looking t it you saw it was a messege from Jason. Curiously, you opened it.

Jason: hey just checking in to ask if you got home safley?

You: Aww thats sweet! Yeah we got home not so long ago

Jason: Cool. you should prob. go to sleep. it late.

You: yeah. Good night Jason

Jason: Night!

You woke up to th sound of your phones notification. Furiously throwing a pillow over your head you tried to slep back but your phone beeped again. Ahh why didn’t I mute it?? You rolled over to your side to mute your  phone now but as you did you saw that it was Jason who decided to terrorize you at such an early hour.  Turns out he sent you a random meme.

You: You woke me up for this??

You stumbled into the kitchen with your phone in hand.Diana saw you entering and greeted you with a big smile.

"Good morning Y/N! I hope your rest was peaceful. Do you want breakfast?"

With your eyes locked to the screen you didn't hear anything making Diana try again.

"Helloo, Diana to Y/N! Do you want breakfast?"

After not making any reaction at all, Diana jumped next to you an looked over your shoulder. She pulled back with a kind smile. She gently shook your arm causing you to look up.

"Oh Diana! Good morning."

She shook her heas laughing slightly.

"Good morning dear. Do you want some pancakes? I made too many for myself."

"Sure! Thank you Di." you said grabbed a plate and packed it with the sweet food.

"I'll go jogging for an an hour or so after that we can train, alright?" she asked while pouring you some (coffee/orange juice/tea/anything you want). You nodded and thanked the drink. You were about to unlock your phone when Diana spoke again.

"Im glad you and Jason met yesterday. You're both inneed of friends."

"Heeey! Did you just call me a loner? Eh.. You're right."you said shrugging your shoulders.

"No. I'm just saying that you are an amazing girl but your afraid to open up causing you to have a small amount of friends. And even though I don't know Jason that well but he seems lonley... Alrighty. I'm gonna head out. Bye!"

Well yeah. If you ever wondered how it was to live with Wonder Woman it was pretty much like this. She took you in almost a year ago. That's when you developed your powers amd she offered to help you with them and to train you. It was really hard at the beginning but now it's much more easier for you to control your powers.

You still texted with Jason about random stuff when Diana called you into the training room. You quickly wrote Jason that you have to go but you'll write asap.

Days went on, even a week passed, you spoke with Jason every day, and even decided to meet up for coffee next Saturday, two weeks after you met.

Diana was kind enough to drop you off at the caffee house you agreed on meeting. You were a bit early so you stood outside leaning back against the wall. Not gonna lie you were nervous but weren't exactly sure why. You played with the hem of your shirt and checked your phone every second. He was supposed to be here 5 minutes ago. You started to doubt that he would come. That's when you heard a a motorcycle pull up a few steps from you. The driver stoped the engine and stood up. He took of his helmet, revealing a smug looking Jason. You rooled your eyes at him as you pushed yourself away from the wall with your feet and walked over.

"You are a drama queen." you laughed.

"Thanks Y/n and hello to you too." he said in a fake offended tone. He than open his arms and you hesitantly huged him.

"Hi Jay." you whispered. Gosh you almost forgot his collagen. You let go so you could go inside. He opened the door for you causing you to chuckle.

While you ordered he found a good spot in the corner next to a big window so he could keep an eye on his motor. You came back with your drinks and sat opposite him. He gratefully grabbed it and took a good sip.

"So, what's up, doll?"

Getting kinda used to his pet names you shrugged.

"Eh, not much happened since last night when we talked." you had to stop for a sec to think back what you actually did besides talking to Jason. "Oh! I binged (fav show)."

"Without me? I'm hurt." he said hiding a smile.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. We should have a marathon sometime though."

"Uuuh, netlfix and chill?"

You rolled your eyes again getting better at hiding your blush.

"What did you do yesterday?"

"You know, typical friday night. Out on the streets looking for danger." he smiled. And well, he wasn't lying. You just laughed it off. Oh, Jason if only you knew how that really is.

"Okay, keep your secrets, Todd."

After chatting for an hour or so you exited the shop. You didn't want to leave him yet but he started to put back on his jacket, which he pulled down in the shop after complaining that it was too hot inside, and grabbed his helmet.

You took out your phone to text Diana to get you when Jay offered you a second helmet which you didn't see before.

"I could take you home. If you want"

"Really?? Wow that would be great. Thanks Jay” you took the helmet and climbed up behind him.

“No problem, babe. Just hold on tight.” he started the engine and drove off to the flat you share with Diana. She wasn’t home yet, after you texted her that Jason would bring you home she told you she’ll go out shopping.

You felt your adrenalin level raise up and hold on to Jason even tighter. He didn’t really bother to stay between the speed limits but for some reason you didn’t really mind. You looked at the  scenery you passed by and couldn’t help but smile. It was an amazig feeling, feeling the wind, you felt so carefree.

He stopped, too soon for your liking, at your home. You give him back his helmet and went to hug him but he pulled off his helmet too.

“Can I come in? I don’t wanna go home yet...”

“Yeah..Sure, of course! Come in. It’s not half as cool as the manor but it’s really cosy.” you unlocked the door and gestured for him to step in. you quickly sliped out of your shoes and stepped further in to the flat.

“Uh please take of your boots. Di will kill both of us if she sees that.” with a chuckle he started to untngle the laces of his boots.

“Okay, okay. I would have took it off anyway. I live with an Alfred, you know. He could easyly kill me with a broomstick without spillig blood anywhere. So you know..I learned to take ‘em off.”

He stepped in, now free of his boots and leather jacket. You gestured to the couch nervously

“We could watch something.”

“’kay. But I get to choose the movie.” he popped down and went to search for a movie. You sat down leaving space between the two of you. You ended up wathcing The Breakfast Club, muh to your suprise. You didn’t talk during the film, you only stopped it once to get some snacks.

“Well, thanks for letting me crash for a bit.”

“It’s nothing, I’m glad you were here.”

He flashed his signiture smile at you.

“Let’s make this into a regular thing, ‘kay?”

He went away, making you sink back to the couch, letting your thoughts run free. You liked Jason more and more every minute. It seems that he seemed to enjoy your company too. You han out more, mostly on the weekends. 

Sometimes you went to get something to eat, other times you went to the cinema or to book stores, you even accompanied him to buy a new pair of boots after he somehow (he didn't you how) destroyed. Sometimes you even hang out in the manor or at your flat. You often played video games, filling the huge mansion with screams and loud swearing (it was mostly Jason) much to Alfred's dismay. Or maybe you where just blasting your favorite musics while talking about everything. Book, games, movies, bands, fictional characters, conspiracy theories. Or that one time when you were playing fuck, marry, kill Gotham edition and Alfred accidentally entered the room.

"... Fuck! Obviously! Like have you seen him?? I mean he is a JERK buut he is a hot jerk. You get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, definitely. So fuck the Riddler, what's up with Croc?" you nodded in agreement.

"Well I guess I already said I'm marrying Poison so...Kill the Croc."

Poor Alfred just stood at the door not wanting to believe his eyes.

So yeah. You talked about all kinds of things. Except for...well emotions. Which you were okay with. Jay didn't seem like the guy to pour out his soul very often. That was until one night, after the two of you went to the cinema. You wanted walk for a bit before going home so he lead the way. While talking Jay manged to accidentally wapk you to the wrong part of the town. As soon as he realized where you were he too your hand and pulled you close, protectively. He seemed to be familiar with the scenery but you didn't ask why. He told you anyway.

"I grew up here, ya know." his voice was quiet, not sure if it was because he didn't want to attract any attention or just because it was simply not a topic he speaks regularly about. Maybe both. You looked around horrified. This is not a place for kids to grow up. Hardly for adults to live.

"Jesus..." was all you could manage to breath out. He shook his head chuckling.

"I know, right? This place holds the sweetest memories of my life." you felt the sarcasm behind his big smile as he looked around with a found expression. You tightened your hold on his hand.

"Jay... Do you wanna..like uhm... Talk about it?"

He exhaled as a more serious expression appeared on his beautiful face.

"Nah. I don't even know why I stared to talk about it in the first place." he looked down at his shoes. "It's just that I feel like every time I'm with you I have to stop myself from telling you everything about myself. I never had that before. I dont- I hate talking about my past. It's shitty as it is but I don't wanna be defined by it. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But with you... It's- I don't know."

You could believe your ears but you didn't have much time to stare at him blankly. You quickly snapped out of it and turned to him.

" Jason. I'm...happy you feel like you can tell me all of this.. Because you can. If you want to I'm always ready to listen to whatever you have to say. Because I care for you."

He manged a weak smile.

"It's just so frustrating. Because I know you actually care? Which is so weird to me."

"It shouldn't be weird. You deserve to have people who love you and care for you."

He opened his mouth and closed it again. 2 minutes have surely passed before he spoke again.

"You wanna sleep over?"

You didn't want to leave him alone like this so you agreed. He fished his phone out of his pocket and quickly sent a text.

"I texted Alfred he'll pick us up." he pulled you in to a narrow alleyway than turned righted and you found yourself on a busy street. He pointed at the 0-24 junk food restaurant at the other side of the street. "Let's wait for him there."

"Here you go this will do it, I will try to find a pair sweatpants too." he handed you a black shirt with a band's name on it and went back to his closet to grab you some comfy pants for you to sleep in.

After both of you changed, you in the bathroom, Jay in his room, you climbed in his bed feeling a little nervous. You have sat and layed on his bed multiple times but never have you slept in it with him.  Except for that time when you fell asleep while playing video games. You had a super long and tiring night of crime fighting before that and you just couldn't keeo your eyes open.

He was already siting there, leaning his back to the backboard of the bed. He put on a movie he knows you love and hit play when you sat next o him and pulled the blanket over you.

" You comfy?"

"Hmm" you nodded your head, keeping your eyes glued to the tv.

You watched the movie and when it was over Jason just put on some random series. You watched it, but both of you paid more attention to your thoughts than the tv. Jason was playing back your words in his head over and over again. I care for you. His heart skipped a beat every time he thought back to it. It was so obvious that he liked you and it has only occurred to him now. He glanced over at you, looking cute as hell in his shirt.

Just that, as he turned back to the tv he felt you moving around and than he felt your head on his shoulder. He tensed at the contact but didn't say anything, he only let out a shaky breath.

"Does this bother you?"

"Not at all, princess!" he didn't even look at you, afraid his eyes would tell something he didn't wanted you to know just yet.

"In that case..." he felt your arm wrapping around him as you pulled yourself a bit closer. Normally you wouldn't do thia but to your defense he needs hugs. Also he is so comfy.

It wasn't long before Jason reached for the remote control.

"I've had enough of this." you jumped slightly at his voice, gotten used the quiet noise of the tv. "Do you mind if I turn it off?"

"No.." you shook your head, already feeling sleepy but you tried to stay awake so Jason wouldn't be alone, so you turned to him "But I don't wanna sleep yet."

"I didn't say we have to sleep" he turned the tv off amd grabbed his phone from the nightstand next to him.  He opened his music library. "Do you wanna put on the music?"

"Give me" you snatched the phone from his hand, earing a laugh from him. You actually understood that even sharing his music taste with you was a really personal thing for Jason. You scrolled down till you found something that fitted the 3am  vibe. You earned an amused smile with your choice. You don't know how long gave the two of you stayed uo but you fall asleep cuddling him and he eventually turned towards you in his sleep and hung his arm over you.

Sleepovers became a once in a week thing for you. Both of you ditched patrolling for that day, even if you didn't know the other did that. Whenever you weren't helping Wonder Woman you were with Jason. And sharing personal things became pretty common between the two of you. Jason started to open up more as the weeks and moths past and that felt nice. More than nice actually. He was sweet with you. So happy all the time and gentle with you. One time you were coming over to the manor and Alfred opened the door for you he stoped you for a minute before you could ran to find Jason. He thanked you for brightening up Jason's life.

"Seriously Miss Y/N. Master Jason has been much happier since the night you've met. He has finally someone who he can  trust and is in the same age range as him"

"It's nothing Alfred, really. I am lucky to have someone like him"

Don't think for a second that Alfred missed the dreamy look on your face as you talked about him. Your face as it lightened up when Jason walked passed greeting you. And especially not Jason's huge and honest smile as he hugged you close. Alfred knew it long before the two of you did.

You basically liked him since the beginning. Which isn't that surprising considering his looks. But every day you spent with him you fall deeper and deeper in to the hole of emotions.

You were super excited when Diana announced that you'll be going on a mission alongside with the Dynamic Duo. You threw on your supersuit and now you were just waiting for Diana to get ready.

"Diiiii! Comeee ooon! Let's get going!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Chill Y/N!"

"I'm sorry I'm just so EXCITED! I can't believe I'm going to fight crime with the Batman."

"And Robin too." she said with knowing smirk you didn't know where to put but you didn't give much thought to it.

"Yeah! Robin and Batman! Unbelievable. Even if it's for a boring mission like this.." you said. Diana quickly turned towards you with a scowl.

"Y/N! This is an important mission and a wonderful opportunity for you to learn. If they get those shipment into Gotham, Zeus knows that Batman won't be enough to defend the city. I need you to focus. Don't make me regret bringing you along."

The mission wasn't too complicated. Group A wanted buy the deadly weapons from group B. You have to take down said groups amd make sure that all the weapons stays in safe hands.

You and Wonder Woman were looking down from a building, just above the spot where the business is supposed to take place in a few minutes. On the other side, opposite from you on a roof were Batman and Robin. The trucks with the stuff had arrived and just as tge men were about to get out Batman signaled for Wonder Woman and they jumped down leaving you and Robin on the other side alone. You rolled your eyes annoyed. So much for excitement!

Robin seemed to read your mind as he waived his hand to get your attention. He pointed down, made some punching movements then raised his hand mouthing 'what do ya say?"

You grined at him giving him a thumbs up. Truth to be told both of your partners said to wait for their signal but neither of you could care more You wanted to kick some ass!

You used you icy powers to create some sort of chute. You slide down landing gracefully, the same moment Robin did. The scene caused everyone to look your way. This gave a little time for the criminals just enough for them to grab their guns. You and Robin jumped out of the gunfire together. In sync you began to take down goon after goon. Batman and WW had no chance to join in as the two of you took down every one of them amazingly fast. It seemed you took care of everything so you made your way over to Robin.

"Nice to officially meet you! I'm (superhero name)!" you when to shook his hand when you heard a gun firing and felt a sharp pain. Falling backwards you geared a distant scream and saw some shadowy movement before blacking out.

You haven't yet opened your eyes both the first thing you felt was numbness and distant talking.

"....and I take full responsibility for that!"

"That's not enough what if...."

"No what ifs! She is gonna be fine! I know her! You know her! She will be just fine. She has to be..."

You felt your consciousness slipping away again but just before you blacked out you quickly breathed out the name of the person who you've just heard. Jason

When you opened your eyes it was dark. You blinked a few times but it was still blurry. You tried to remember where you were, what happened but you felt like your memories where just floating around in your head in no particular order. But you felt something something im your hand. Or on your hand. You tried to turn to look but you felt pain shaking your whole body. You hissed grimacing

"Shit, no! Don't try to move Y/N." it was Jason. His hand was holding yours and he was speaking to you. Your brain slowly processed his words trying to fit in the information. When the last piece connected you finally remembered what happened. You looked at you bandaged side. You've shot. You looked at the boy at your side.

"H-how.. How are here? And... "you looked around at the unfamiliar place" Where is here?"

" You are in the Batcave." he said softly."We brought you here right after you've been shot. Alfred he uhm he patched you up. Do-don't worry it's not as bad as you think. It- it went straight through and didn't catch anything so uhm..." you saw how nervous he was. He was either going to scream or burst out in tears any minute.

" You... Jason what are you doing here? Did Diana get you here.... Do you.. Do you know who I am? " you were so confused. He avoided your gaze but his hand gripped your just a little tighter.

"No.. Diana did not bring me here. I was there when you got shot. I am... Y/N I know you are (superheroname) but you have to know I was there because I am Robin."

You snapped your head up gasping. You started at him.

"You.... Are.... Robin???"

"And you're (superheroname)" he let out a shaky laugh. "I probably should get Diana and Bruce..."

"Please don't leave." you said desperately

"I haven't left your side since we arrived, only to change but even that it was Bruce who told me to go"

"How long was I out?"

"Almost a whole day. It's night again...And Alfred said not to move you for a few days so you are spending the night in the cave"

You looked around terrified.

"Don't look so fucking scared, doll. I told you I'm not leaving you. This is where I have to be. At your side." you looked up in his eyes. You could see it. And he could see it too. Both of you felt it but were to afraid to say something that would break the silence. Still you saw him open his mouth.

" You know... "you saw tge real Jason. Nervously rushing his fingers in his messy hair with his free hand while you felt the other one starting to get shaky and sweaty.

" Jay"you breathed softly "I know.You don't have to.."

He was trying so hard not to choke on his words as he shook his head, a silent cry shaking him.

"No I ne-need to. I almost lost you. I have to say it. I lo..." he squeezed his eyes shut taking a deep breath. This moment played down in his had so many times. But he didn't imagine him literally breaking down in front of you. You ran your thumb across his hand comforting him. You were so patient and... He tried to hold back a sob but it escaped anyway causing your eyes to fill up with tears.

"I love you so fucking much Y/N" he finally cried out. You reached up to his cheek to wipe away his tears.

"I love you to Jason. So much."

He slowly leaned down stopping inches from your face. You felt his breath on your skin. Time seemed to so slow down and the only thing you heard was your breathing and your heartbeats. The only thing you saw was Jason. His beautiful features looking at you, taking in every detail. Your lips finally connected with his plump ones waking up the butterflies in your stomach. Your hand which wasn't holding his went to touch his oh so gorgeous curls you loved so much. You felt his hand on your cheek, brushing away some hair and then just resting there for a few seconds. He was careful not to lean on you too much or pressure you. Much to your dismay he pulled away with the biggest smile on his face.

"A much as I want to continue, you need the rest."

You still felt like your heart could explode any minute but you just nodded as you felt your voice would probably betray you.

He spend the night with you, just as he promised and he didn't leave your side the next day nor the day after etc. He was their when you could finally stand up, he was the one who helped you out of bed and he was with you every step in to your healing. And when you finally got better he took you on your first date. You said you wnated nothing fancy so it was a dinner at a fast food restaurant... And than he took you to the theater to see a play because it's Jason. Of course he would. He ended the night with a motorcycle ride to outside of town where you were able to see the stars.

Your relationship hasn't changed much, well you kissed more and spent more time together (if that was possible) but you still talked about everything. You still played video games, still had movie marathons and sat down for coffee on sundays. You love each other so much, even a blind person could see it. You were the power couple™. And anyone who crossed path with Robin and (superheroname) would regret the night they were born.

[phans-aesthetic-adventures]

Chapter 4 Interview

I don’t konw how much I can share of chapter 4, because  I also want to support the sweetelitestaff, so people play the chapter for themself, but I also want to share my enthusiasm about this chapter. ^-^ 

(and like always sorry for my bad english, if you see an error please tell me, I would like to correct it, thanks! ^^)

So here comes scholars interview that I wanted to change a bit. I consider all interviews for mindblowing and thrilling. All 10 characters answers were so unbelievable amazing. The staff really did a great work. I can’t stop saying this. Scholars interview was good too, really good, but compared to the others it lacked something. Maybe just because it wasn’t my answer and scholar is her own person. ( I also want to add that Scholars speech doesn’t “really” lack something. The chapter is perfectly worked out without my addition or change. Its just something personal, a personal preference. Scholars speech was good but not as good to be on rank 3. I would put someone of the main 10 on the high ranks, but on the other side: I don’t know the audience :D. So it’s still realistic) But Scholars answer was still amazing and inspiring, inspiring enough for me to motivate me to write my own speech. Like scholars speech, mine is influence by the speeches of the main 10 characters too.

[It’s only been a few weeks since I arrvied here, but I have been pushing myself in ways I could not imagine before. While demanding, the teachers here truly know how to make you work for results. I know that, at the end of the day, what I make of my time at Arlington is really up to me. But everyone around me is trying their best to accomplish something, no matter what it is. And this inspires me to give it my all as well.] ~Scholar

[ I will admit that adjusting to Arlington Academy has been a little bit of a challenge. I have always been someone who likes to belong. I think all of us are, to some degree. I try to give as much as I can to the people around me. sometimes, I find myself caring a little more than I should about the small things. In the little time that I’ve been here at the Academy, I have witnessed many close friendships that I can’t help but admire. The competition is fierce, and not everyone here is interested in connecting with others. However, those who do, they seem to flock together.] ~Scholar

[then Scholar thinks about the main 10 special friendships and their will to push forward no matter what and the way they are helping and supporting each other]

Here is the part, where I think they could have extended more/or something I would have said if I had the courage like scholar x) 

[The reason is because they all feel like what they do is meaningful. Meaning is the essential thing that keeps us passionate about what we do. We feel like we can actually change something, we feel like we can find the new cure for a disease, find the solution to a problem, brighten the day of thousand of people or just easing the pain of someone or to contage someone with the same passion you have about something. I think everyone has seen it clearly in the interviews before mine. Sharing our passion with others and still trying to be the best in what we are passionate about is a trade we all share here in Arlington Academy and this common ground is what floks them all together. We all want to push us further, chase the star, chasing our dreams. And the students of Arlington want to support each other, because they understand what it feels like to pursue something meaningful.] ~me

[And this makes me unbelievable grateful and proud to be here, to be given the chance to follow something that I consider as meaningful, even if ] ~me

awww Scholar ! (in moments like this I understand that she is in rank 3)

I imagine Scholar smiling like a ray of sunshine in this moment >w< (bc she is a sweetheart. The audience is totally right by that)

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TEDTALK

[warmau]

Prince!Dino

find the other seventeen members: here

dino is the youngest prince, still not old enough to hold the crown title

which means he isn’t allowed to participate in a lot of political and important events,,,,the most he can do is take pictures beside his parents and the royal court

and ,,,, the time spent waiting to be able to actually have any power had made dino extremely bored

that he sort of became prone to playing harmless tricks on staff or guests, missing out on tutoring lessons about geography to go talk with the gardeners, all in all just forgetting the fact that one day he’d have to take over this country

to the point,,,,,,that dino even enrolled in the public college - shocking his parents and everyone in the country

so,,,,,to put it simply,,,,,he’s a prince that’s trying to live a super regular life

he even asked the bodyguards to leave him alone when he went on campus, refused to wear the suit with his family’s crest on it, and told everyone that they didn’t have to bow when they saw him or do anything of the sort

(but even as hard as he tried to make friends - people still acted like they were on eggshells with him - afterall he was still a prince, no matter how much he tried to tell people to forget that)

his parents are ok with him doing this,,,as long as he quits it immediately when it’s his time to rule

they did tho,,,not let him try and get a part-time job,,,because well for one he’s rich but two they were like school is fine but you can’t go to work without bodyguards 

and he was like wHY not im not gonna gET hurt???? and everyone was like dude,,,,do you not understand your position????

carefree, fun loving, and comfortable - dino really could pass for just a another college boy if the whole country didn’t know he was the prince

likes to dress casual, it takes a lot of convincing from head waiter hoshi to even get dino to put on a tie 

secretly asks the personal cooks to order him cheap takeout and they’re like ???? why, we have all the finest - most expensive

and dino is like “normal people eat mcdonalds. please get me some of those,,,,bigmacs? yes the bigmacs!”

but even though he dresses casual to his classes and stuff they’re still like expensive brands,,,he looks like a damn model,,,

and the only reason anyone wouldnt know dino was a prince, was if they weren’t from his country

which is exactly what you are - a transfer from abroad 

and your first class,,,,just happens to be with dino 

and when you come in, confidently sitting right beside him (because well, the chair is empty)

everyone stares

“am i doing something wrong?”

you lean over to whisper to him and dino almost falls over

your tone,,,,it’s casual - you look at him and you’re not cowering in fear or trying to gain brownie points

it hits dino right away

you don’t know that he’s a prince, of course you don’t know - this is your first day here!

“you’re fine, i think it’s just because you’re new. im dino by the way.”

you shake his hand and someone whispers

‘do they not know touching a royal like that is rude?!?!’

but thankfully you don’t hear it and dino,,,,,,,,,dino wants to keep it that way

so when you get up for a bathroom break he makes an announcement

“no one tell them that im a prince, ok?”

nervous nods pass around the classroom and thats,,,,well that’s how you become friends with a prince

except you have no damn clue he’s a prince

you start hanging out more often, sometimes after class you guys have lunch together on the quad

and the whispers, the pointing, the looking it all confuses you - but dino just tells you to brush it off

“are you like some kind of celebrity?”

you ask him one day and dino gives a coy smile, “no. not at all.”

you and him share a lot of interests, you’re both outgoing and like a little competition - racing to get to class first

comparing your quiz grades

basically acting like kids even though you’re still in college

but you’re so thankful to have someone like him, because you’re new to this country

and dino is like,,,,really really knowledgeable about everything to see and visit here

it only sucks because when you ask if you and him can go together to one of the landmarks, he always makes up some sort of excuse

either way, you come to enjoy his friendship

and you have to admit,,,he’s got quite the charming face

with his defined jaw, soft bangs that fall over his clear skin and those eyes - they’re something like warm chocolate

when you somehow manage to bring up dating though, dino nearly chokes on his drink

“i,,,i wasn’t so outgoing in high school.” he lies, thinking back to the wedding arrangements his parents had tried to put him through but that he’d always somehow get out of

“me either!” you’d laughed and the sound had calmed down dino,,,,actually he was also beginning to realize that a lot of things about you made him feel really

serene

really,,,,,,,,,just normal

but as the semester progressed and dino knew sooner or later someone somewhere would tell you who he was

or maybe you’d catch on to the things that didn’t add up about him

like how other people still stuttered when talking to him

like how you’d mentioned needing a new laptop and the next day a new one had arrived at your dorm with your name on it and a badly written note about how you’d been chosen to win it in a raffle

like how dino could only ever hangout with you on campus - that you didn’t even know if he lived on or off campus

he’d hoped you’d just stay blissfully ignorant about it - for the first time he felt like he was getting to know someone without them closing themselves off because of his high status

and that he,,,,could finally be himself with someone who wouldn’t pre-judge his life

and at some point dino was asking himself

am i falling for this new feeling - the feeling of someone not knowing im a royal or am i falling for this person - this person who understand me?

dino and you were nothing more than friends,,,,and it had been easy to hide it as long as he only talked and hung out with you on campus

but then,,,,,,,,,his parents caught wind of it

apparently hoshi had been the one to spill the beans - he’d seen dino and you coming out of the library

and when dino had seen him, he’d introduced hoshi as just a friend

hoshi had furrowed his eyebrows “princ-” but dino had cut him off just before

when they’d gotten home, hoshi had started to bicker with dino - questions about who you were, you definitely didn’t look like the locals

and dino’s mother had passed by just in the middle of the argument

“you’re a prince, you need to tell us who your friends are so we can protect you if they hurt you-”

“they don’t even know im a prince! it’s not like everyone who talks to me wants to take advantage of me!”

hoshi had stepped back “the- they don’t know you’re a prince?”

dino had seen the look on the queen’s face change, storming off before he could get another earful

he was sure he was in trouble, his parents might not let him go back to the college - afterall they’d been strict about making sure he told them about his ‘friends’

even if he hadn’t been able to make anyone for that exact reason - he was a prince, who wanted to be friends with a prince and have to think about their actions and words every five seconds when hanging out

but ,,,,,, he knew that now - he had to tell you

if anything happened, if his parent refused for him to go back he needed to be the one to tell you

because he owed you that,,,,he owed you the truth if he wasnt going to be around anymore 

so dino called you, as soon as he’d gotten up to his room

“can i see you?”

“right now? it’s like 10pm and -”

but you could feel dino’s voice shaking, whatever he needed you for must have been urgent

“you konw what, ok. let’s meet behind the library.”

a couple of minutes later, when hoshi got the door open - dino was gone

he wasn’t wearing his usual stylish outfit, this time dino was in a hoodie that looked like it had seen some wear

his usual bright eyes had dulled, and not because of the darkness of the night

“what’s going on?”

“there,,,,,there’s been things ive been hiding from you.”

you looked at him, but instead of the confusion dino expected he could something closer to saddness

“are you going to finally tell me it,,,,,,,tell me the reason people stare at us when we’re together. tell me the reason how i won a laptop from a raffle i didn’t enter.”

dino could feel his mouth open in shock, you - you knew?

“wait, so you -”

“dino, i might not be from this country but ive seen the news. i knew the day after we met.”

taking his hands out of his pockets, dino couldn’t process it

“then,,,then why did you keep treating me -”

“like my friend? because you’re my friend. you could be the prince of every country in the world, and that wouldn’t change our friendship.”

for some reason, even though dino was so relieved you’d known and weren’t,,,,weren’t mad at him

the word friend, it began to sting a little

“ just friends?”

he mumbled beneath his breath and you felt the chilly night breeze sweep over your heated cheeks

“i mean,,,,,liking a prince - i think i’d be foolish to believe i could ever date you.”

“well, you’re lucky because im a pretty foolish prince myself.”

he laughed, lifting his hand up to your cheek before kissing you ever so gently

you let your eyes flutter shut, half of your heart going crazy with happiness about dino feeling the same way - the other going crazy over the fact that you were kissing the prince of the country you know lived in

when you came apart, dino was grinning - it looked so silly and boyish you wouldn’t have been able to tell that in a couple of years he’d have power over the people here

that he was going to rule a country one day

he just looked like a college boy in love

and you were also in love

and when dino wanted to kiss you again he had to stop because

“oh ,,,,,,, i think i should go back because my parents might launch like an entire investigation if they find out im gone.”

you scrunch up your nose “can’t be a foolish prince and a runaway prince too.”

dino laughs, but no like seriously hoshi might have a heartattack if he doesn’t get back LOL 

[heavensentfanfic]

Chapter 23 - Family Reunion [COMPLETE]

Jaclyn (face change)

Chris thought it’d be a good idea to invite me to dinner before my flight back to LA tonight. He said it’d be “good for me to see them together” and maybe I can be “genuinely happy for them” — some bullshit like that. He knows I’m bad at playing nice.

My pink off-the-shoulders dress blew in the warm wind as I waited for someone to open the door. I prayed it’d be Chris, but of course…

“Hey!” She answered so cheerfully. Fuck! She’s even prettier in person. “Chris is upstairs doing...I have no idea...” She probably didn’t know about my little act with Chris a few days ago. If she did, there’s no way I’d be inside of her house right now. Unless she was planning to kill me where I seduced him.

I was greeted with comforting smells that I haven’t sensed in a long time. Fried chicken, greens, cornbread, and monkey bread baking in the oven. My heart wanted to burst from my chest. Could she get anymore perfect? “Would you like something to drink? Water? Long Island? Pink moscato?”

“Long island will do just fine,” I smiled. I needed something strong that would hit me quick in order to get over the fact that I actually love Chris’ girlfriend. She’s making it impossible for me to dislike her in the slightest.

I took a seat at the bar in a swivel bar stool and swallowed about a quarter of my drink. I also swallowed my pride and decided to start conversation. “How’d you and Chris meet?”

“Through some friends whom will be joining us later...” she washed dishes as she continued her story, “We all went out to a club together — my first night here — and he and I just hit it off.” A shrug.

“Hm...” I smiled a bit. “He’s always been the type to be so...nice.” I took a sip of my drink and the doorbell rang.

“Chris!” Nohea yelled. Her accent is beautiful too. “Ty and Ari are here!”

Wait a minute. Did she just say...?

I swiveled the chair so it’d face the front door.

“Heeey!” Her voice rang in my ear and brought back the worst memories in high school. The couple, and Nohea, met me at the bar stool.

“Jaclyn, this is Ty and —“

“Ariana Taylor.” I faked a smile, but she, however, did not. Her face was as annoyed and stale as it could possibly get. “We’ve crossed paths before. Nice to see you again.”

“Mm...” was all that left Ariana’s mouth. She walked around me and sat at he nicely set dining table.

“Okay then.” Nohea let out an awkward laugh and I chugged the rest of my drink. “I’m gonna get Chris. You two just...catch up.”

Fuck catching up. I need another drink

Nohea

Dinner was more awkward than I initially expected it to be, but less awkward that I thought after Ari and Jaclyn’s re-introduction. I still had no idea what that was about, but as long as everyone was enjoying the food, I was okay.

Ariana

I can’t believe this bitch wanted to play nice with me. I was so glad that I would never see her again after graduation. But boom -- here this hoe go. I’ve had to put up . with her bullying and bullshit for seven painful emotional years. She made my life a living hell for my brother and I. My whole fucking family. Chris knows it too, so I don’t get why he still hangs around the bitch. 

“You good, Ari?” Nohea asked. I nodded slow, staring at Jaclyn as she engaged in conversation with Tyler. That made my blood boil. How dare you talk to a bitch that you know I hate? And how dare you talk to my nigga when you know I hate yo’ ass?

She can keep it up if she wants to. This time, it’ll be her blood shed on the damn ground instead of my brother’s.

Chris

Dinner was over and Jaclyn was about to go to the airport. She’d said her goodbyes to everyone, except Ariana, so I was outside walking her to her car. 

“Did you enjoy yourself?” I asked. She leaned her back against the car as I stood in front of her.

“Other than that one little thing in there, yes I did.” She laughed.

“Aye, chill out. You konw Ari is like a sister to me. Y’all both are. Y’all gotta talk about what happened and fix that shit. Fast.” 

She rolled her eyes, “okay, dad. I hat to admit, but I love your girlfriend.

“Oh really?” I smirked. “What about her?” 

“Everything!” She fake cried. She told me how much she loved her cooking, how she decorated the house, how she treats me, and how beautiful she is.

“Thank you, Jay. That means a lot. I told you you’d love her. No matter how much you didn’t wanna believe it.”

“Yeah yeah.” Jaclyn rolled her eyes. “I gotta get goin’. I’ll see you in a few days?”

“Of course.” I gave her a hug, wrapped him around her neck and kissed her head. “Call me when you get back.”

“Okay, Simba. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Nohea

Ari and Ty left a little after Jaclyn did. I tried to talk to Aria bout Jaclyn while Chris was outside, but she wasn’t going for it. I decided to ask Chris about their history once he got out of the shower.

“Babe, I have a question.”

“Wassup?” He slid on some basketball shorts and laid next to me.

“What’s going on between Arianna and Jaclyn?”

“Ah...” he scratched the back of his next, “...just some drama from high school they never got over. Nothin’ major.”

“Hmm, okay.” I pushed the thought of the pair actually having problems to the back of my head and cuddled under Chris. I was ready to beat Jaclyn’s ass once I saw how she looked at Ari. My girl always knows how to spot a fake bitch way before I do. But, out of respect for Chris (and his name being on the deed of the house), I let her stay.

“What you got goin’ on this week?” Chris asked while playing in my hair.

“Meeting on Friday at two and a lounge appearance Saturday night. Why?”

“We ain’t been on a date in a minute.” I immediately looked up at Chris. I was grinning hard as hell while he was trying to his his smirk. 

“Where we goin’?” I asked. He shrugged his shoulders. “Tell meee!” I quickly sat up and straddled his waist. 

“You gotta wait.” He laughed.

“Gimme a hint,” I pouted. 

“Aight, uh...you’ve never been there before.”

“That doesn’t help at all, Christopher!” 

“You’re beautiful. I love your accent.” He said, trying to change the subject.

“That’s not gonna work. Give me another --” He sat up and kissed me slowly, tightening the grip his palms had on my ass. “Chris...” I moaned.

“Hm?” His lips moved from mine to my neck.

“I hate you.” I bit my lip and let out a light moan.

“Mm...I know.”

Then I shut my ass up and let Chris have his way with me. 

Tyler

Ariana was quiet as hell on the way home. She wasn’t even tlaking when we got back to the loft.

“Baby, talk to me.” I said to her. She stayed quiet and continued to walk into our bedroom. “Taylor!” I yelled.

“What?” She spat. “What the fuck do you want? You already know why I’m mad, so don’t fucking as me no dumb shit, Jones.”

“Who the fuck are you talking to?” I exclaimed. I grabbed her arm and turned her around so she was facing me. “Yes, I know why you’re mad. I also know that we should talk about it instead of you actin’ like a damn child.” I let go of her arm and sat her on the bed.

“You were being nice to every-damn-body tonight and now you wanna be mean to me?” She yelled. I took a deep breath before I said something I’d regret. 

“What are you talking about, Arianna?”

“You were havin’ a whole conversation wit’ the bitch at dinner and you wanna act like shit is okay!”

“Ariana can you think for a minute? Nohea don’t know shit ‘bout Jaclyn. If I wouldn’t have talked to her, then all the business woulda been out and it woulda’ been hell for everybody. You know that.”

“Ty, I don’t give a damn. At all! You know everything that went down -- you were there. You should feel the same way I do about her lying ass.”

“Ari, you just being bitter. That shit happened two years ago.”

“I’m being bitter? Are you serious? She almost ruined my while family. Don’t tell me I should forgive and forget. It’s fuck her forever -- I promise you that.”

The Next Day - Ariana

I woke up with some bad nerves. So bad, my hands started sweating. I needed to tell Nohea about everything that happened between Jaclyn, my family, and I. 

I showed up to Nohea’s Cascade Falls crib, unannounced, at 9 AM. Early, I know. I rang the doorbell over and over until I heard the door unlock. Thankfully, it was my pretty ass friend and not her tall ass boyfriend.

“Ari? W...” she yawned “...what are you doing here? It’s 9 AM.”

“I know. We need to talk.” I let myself in and immediately walked down to the studio. Nohea hesitated at first, but she eventually followed me.

“What’s going on?” she asked once she was finally seated in her chair. There was another seat, but I couldn't bring myself to sit down. I was so anxious.

"Jaclyn isn't the sweet girl she was last night. She's a bully and a fucking liar!" I blurted.

"Ari, where is this coming from?"

"Jaclyn and I went to middle school together. She was popular and she would always bully me. My brother was a sophomore at Mays so he couldn't protect me." My heart raced thinking about what I had gone through with her. "One day, I decided to fight back. I beat her ass but she was so embarrassed; she decided to hate me forever."

"What? She doesn't like you because of a fight in middle school?" Nohea asked. She sounded confused and acted like I was wasting her time.

"Let me finish..." I took a deep breath and continued, "It was 2013, senior year, two weeks before graduation. Everyone from our side of the city went to this party near the AUC..."

*2013 - Graduation Party - Ariana*

This house was way too packed. Niggas from Westlake, Mays, and every other school in the SWATS pulled up. Everybody was either drunk or high, so I'll let someone else do the math. Westside niggas with alcohol don't mix very well. I was outside, being patient, waiting for shit to go down. It was almost 1 AM when I head commotion coming from the front yard.

"Aye, T..." I said to my friend, "...let's go." We got up from the couch and followed everyone toward the house. The closer I got, the more I could hear my brother's voice. Him and Tremaine must be ready to fight some nigga from the Southside...again. "D!" I yelled, pushing through the crowd. "Dez what the fuck y'all get into now?"

"Ari not right now." D said to me. I looked passed Dez and Tre to find the dude they were arguing with. Of course, it's this hoe Jaclyn's boyfriend, Isaiah. 

"Why the hell are y'all always getting into some bullshit? Especially with this nigga!" I yelled. Of course, Dez and Tre ignored me. "Come on, T." I rolled my eyes and started walking down the street to my car. I was so tired of Dez and his antics, he never knew when to let shit go.

About 30 seconds later, the gun shots rang out. There were four. My thoughts went straight to my brother. I couldn't think about anything else. "Dez!" I screamed. I turned around and started hauling ass toward him. Everything moved so slow. My heartbeat. My breathing. Everything.

"Ariana!" I heard T yell from behind me. "No!" She grabbed my arm and started running with me toward my car. At this point, I was furious. Didn't even know if my brother was dead or alive...

*Present Day - Ariana*

"So where does Jaclyn come into all this?" Nohea asked.

"After the shots went off, everyone ran. Even her. The next day, she found out that her boyfriend was the one that got shot. He died at Grady an hour later. Everyone that was there knew who shot Isaiah, except Jaclyn and I. But of course, no one wanted to speak up. So, Jaclyn thought it'd be cute to be the only witness even though she didn't see shit. She accused my brother of being her boyfriend's murderer."

"Ari...wow..." Nohea pulled me into her arms and hugged me. It was the best thing I could get in that moment.

"My brother spent one and a half years in Fulton County Jail before they saw that he was innocent. She almost ruined my family. This shit has been bothering me for so long. I  haven't seen her since the vigil we had for him at Westlake. And then she shows up here playing nice?"

"I had no idea, Ari. If Chris had been honest with me, I would've never agreed to her coming."

"Don't be too hard on him when you kill him." *Chris*

I got back from the gym with Ty around two o'clock. A nigga felt  tired, hungry, and so ready to lay up with my girl. And take a bomb ass nap. "Babygirl! I'm home!" I yelled. Walking up to the room, I could tell that the vibe was a little off. Usually, Nohea would open the door and greet me with her gorgeous ass smile, but she didn't do that.

As soon as I opened the door, I knew I was in trouble.

"Chris, please sit down." Nohea said.

"Damn. No kiss? No hello?" I let out a sigh and sat at the foot of the bed. Standing in from of me, she looked so good in her crop top and Nike sweats. I wanted to eat her up right there, the fact that she was mad at me made it even worse. 

"Ari told me everything about her and Jaclyn." I sighed, rolled my eyes, and put my head in my hands. "My best friend, Chris..."

"My best friend, Nohea..."

"Oh bullshit. I've never even heard you speak of her until you wanted to invite her over. Ari'a brother almost got life because of her! And you stood by her the whole time?"

"I'm saying I don't have to be loyal to Ariana. I only have to be loyal to you and Jay. That's it."

"Chris, being loyal to me means being loyal to my friends and the relationships I have with them. You knew Jaclyn was wrong and you lied to me about knowing!"

"So can you do the same for me? Can you respect my relationship with Jaclyn? And don't you dare bring up shit about lying," I demanded.

"Chris..." she sighed, "...you don't care, so fuck it." Nohea waked to the closet and grabbed her purse and keys.

"What, Okalani? What do you wanna talk about? I'm sorry I lied to you, but Jaclyn has been there for me since day one."

"You need to think about how you treat people, Chris. You're so selfish. As long as it benefits you and the people you fuck with it, it's okay. But if it has something to do with your fucking girlfriend and the people I love, you don't give a fuck. I'm starting not to give a fuck about you." With that, she walked out of our room and downstairs. I heard the front door open, close, and her car start in the driveway.

"God damn, bruh..." I said to myself. To destress, I took a shower and played 6lack's newest album throughout the room. After my shower, I decided to lay down and take a nap. As soon as my touched the pillow, Jaclyn called me. I took a deep breath and answered. "Wassup?"

"Nothing, " she said. "I kinda wanted to hear your voice. How are you?"

"I'm tired."

"That's it? You sound like you going through something."

"Nah. Lemme call you later." I hung up without letting her say another word.

 I need to do some self-reflection after this nap.

[mstandsformoon]

been tagged by @johnlocklives

This is gonna take a long time. Here we go!

THE LAST: 1. Drink: water 2. Phone Call: my mum 3. Text Message: “wer nimmt nor olls den zug?” (yes my dialect is horrible) 4. Song You Listened To: Titlá - Mai Madele, Mai Tschuurale 5. Time You Cried: yesterday 6. Dated Someone Twice: nope 7. Kissed Someone and Regretted It: nope 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost Someone Special: yes. 10. Been Depressed: right now 11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up:in february I guess

3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. rainbow 13. all colors are good colors 14. green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: i did!! 16. Fallen out of Love: no 17. Laughed until you cried: yesterday with Tereza 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yep 19. Met someone who changed you: sure 20. Found out who your friends are: yup 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook List: no

GENERAL 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: hopefully all of them 23. Do you have any pets: two lovely dogs and a cat 24. Do you want to change your name: actually I like my name 25. What did you do for your last birthday: went to a pizza place 26. What time did you wake up: 9am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: laughing with Tereza at Dead Island comment section :D 28. Name something you can’t wait for: falling asleep and never waking up again 29. When was the last time you saw your mum: maybe an hour ago? 30. What are you listening to right now: nothing 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yep 32. Something that is getting on your nerves: loud eating 33. Most visited Website: Tumblr  34. Hair Color: red 35. Long or Short Hair: long 36. Do you have a crush on someone: nah 37. What do you like about yourself: animals like me so there’s gotta be some good things about me right 38. Want Any Piercings: i have earrings but otherswise nope 39. Blood Type: i don’t know?? 40. Nickname: Mehl (I hate it please don’t call me that ever omg) 41. Relationship Status: single 42. Zodiac: pisces 43. Pronouns: she/her 44. Favorite TV Show: one day at a time, b99 45. Tattoos: hopefully soon 46. Right or Left Handed: right 47. Surgery: does removing your wisdom teeth Count? 48. Piercing: no 49. Sport: climbing (also i used to do horse riding for 10 years) 51. Pair of Trainers: i have some

MORE GENERAL: 52. Eating: nothing 53. Drinking: nothing 54. I’m About To Watch: nothing 55. Waiting For: the bus 56. Want: to die 57. Get Married: hopefully some day 58. Career: i don’t konw

WHICH IS BETTER: 59. Hugs or Kisses: both 60. Lips or Eyes: both 61. Shorter or Taller: doesn’t matter 62. Older or Younger: doesn’t matter 63. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: arms 64. Hookup or Relationship: relationship 65. Troublemaker or Hesitant: idk?

HAVE YOU EVER: 66. Kissed a Stranger: np 67. Drank hard liquor: yes 68. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes 69. Turned someone down: yes 70. Sex on First Date: noo 71. Broken Someone’s Heart: i hope not 72. Had Your Heart Broken: i don’t think so 73. Been Arrested: no  74. Cried When Someone Died: yes 75. Fallen for a friend: not really

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 76. Yourself: as in am i real? no 77. Miracles: no 78. Love at first sight: no 79. Santa Claus: no 80. Kiss on First Date: yesyesyesyes 81. Angels: you are one so, yes

OTHER: 82. Current Best Friend: not sure 83. Eye Color: brown 84. Favorite Movie: mystere a la tour eiffel 85: Fav Actor: i don’t know

[somedumbmotherfucker]

Realization (that sinking feeling that something is wrong and you can't quite put your finger on it...)

This is going to be super long and rambly but I need to say this for my own sake. Also this will probably be the only post of this kind I make. If I need to make more, it's going on a side blog. This is also completely different from anything else I have put on this blog so feel free to not read it if you want. Mentions of child abuse, suicide, depression, and self destruction I have shitty parents. It's not something I realized over night (it's something that I'm still having trouble accepting for some reason) or the realization I came to today. The realization I came to today is the fact that I push people away. I instinctively and unknownly push people away from me. Life long friends, family members, and therapists. I push them all away because I have learned time and time again that opening up to people and letting people get to know me will inevitably lead to them shunning me and/or hating me. The two people that taught me this lesson over and over until it was drilled into my head were my mother and father. My dad wasn't absent, but he was rarely home until late at night and although my mom was always there, she never had the time to pay attention to my emotional needs with all the housework and the seven other kids to take care of. She was and still is deeply religious and tried to instill those beliefs into us. I remember very distinctly one time my mom caught me lying about something insignificant and her forcing me to hold this rancid tasting liquid in my mouth for a minute to "wash my mouth." I think she wanted me to stop lying but in truth it made scared of her catching me doing anything she didn't like. She also use to spank us when we were younger. I remember her going out of her way to pick things that hurt more. A thin stick, a plastic paddle with holes in it that she claimed made have less wind resistance, and a large wooden paddle. I was really extroverted as a kid, but I don't feel comfortable around people in general now. My mom use to say that parents love their children unconditionally, but that was never the case for her. The most recent and honestly almost all consuming example of her love for me being very conditional was when I came out. She told me in quite a few words that I don't konw anything and that because I'm a kid, I can't understand how I feel. At one point she even straight up told me that she wishes she could put me in conversion therapy. She never tries to understand anything I tell her about how I'm felling or what I'm thinking and when my siblings and I have a legitimate problem with her she deflects and plays the victim. If things don't fit into her neat little worldview than it's perverse or wrong and she either tries to manipulate you into siding with her/making you question yourself or she ignores it and acts like it's not there. Both options make me want to scream and tear my hair out, but I also just don't care anymore. My dad was something too. the two of the work together a lot in the manipulation bullshit. My dad would come home and if my mom didn't want to deal with whatever one of us did to bother her she would get my dad to deal with it. He would use his belt to spank us. I remember it hurting so much worse than anything my mom did. He didn't care if I was actually hurt afterwards. Nowadays, they can't pull that shit so they manipulate. My mom will be told something she doesn't like by my siblings or I, she'll whine to my dad, he'll get mad at us while my mom plays the victim. Rinse and repeat. I remember as a kid, going out of my way to make friends. I could be fast friends with almost anyone and if they needed me I would be there. I'm still there for my friends if they need me but I can't walk up to someone and strike up conversation. I feel scared that they will know what I'm thinking and hate me for it. That's the thing that hurts me the most. I know why I don't try to make friends. If my own parents don't care about me than who will? Since the age nine, I was suicidal. I'm not anymore, but since my seventeenth birthday I've been reflecting back and that why I've been realizing all these things. I never understood why I wanted to die when I was that age, but I knew that at least part if the reason was because I felt unloved by my parents. I remember me at nine sitting alone in my room in a little cubby hole very calmly contemplating the best and quickest way to die. I had an image of myself hanging by a noose in my head. A dot I never connected until I was older was that the bulk of my suicidal thoughts and depression were closely intertwined with me learning about puberty. I had tried to articulate my emotions to my mom a few times during that period of my life to her explaining that I felt unloved and abandoned, but of course, my mom deflected. She didn't even consider the notion that maybe she was doing something wrong. I ended up being sent to a therapist because my mom didn't want to try and deal with my issues. I stopped going to that therapist after a few months and went back to dealing with my problems the only way I know how. Completely and utterly alone. It took me five years of depression and a couple of suicide attempts before I realized I am trans. I made the mistake of coming out only a few months after. As I mentioned above, my mom didn't try to listen or understand as usual. Her reaction and my dad's reaction sent me spiraling even deeper into depression than before. to this day I feel like an idiot or like a while little kid when ever I try to come out. My heart races and my throat constricts. I am not proud of who I am because of her and as much as I want to not give her so much credit, it's so fucking hard to separate her from everything. After I came out she decided to put me into therapy again so she wouldn't have to deal with it. So she wouldn't have to deal with me. I had stopped caring about anything after that. I was in an incredibly distructive mood. I didn't care out my health. I didn't shower or brush my teeth. I eat either way too much or not enough. I ate foods that I know I shouldn't because I felt that it was pointless to care. I hated my body so much I tried to destroy it from the inside. It was after a doctor appointment that I realized that. I try again with my mom. I tried to explain and it went worse in terms of her listening to me, but I gained something so much more valuable. I gained self respect. and while I still have problems coming out and the things they did still leave a mark on me and will for the rest of my life most likely, I realized that I don't need my mom's validation and that I just need to love myself. Before now, I had never opened up to anyone fully, but I'm taking a leap. I need to prove to myself that opening up isn't a negative thing and that it can be healing and positive. It will help crumble the bs and lies my parents forced into me. Even if no one reads this, I need to do this for myself.

[flora-land]

Opposite

The past few months I feel like have been a complete blur. It’s as of there has been this person that has been living my life, going out, being happy, showing people how fun and exciting and funny I can be, but that person doesnt feel like me. I feel like I got so caught up in going out all the time, trying to have fun, drinking, saying yes to everything that I rarely got a minute for myself to do what I actually doing or take a minute to be mindful or think about myself. I got it into my head that I always had to be doing something, seeing people, never standing still. I never sat in my room on my own, I was just constantly moving or doing something and it was amazing anf fun for a while and I loved it but you cant do that constantly as eventually it will wear you down, and thats what happened. So we know I have destructive depressive tendancies, thats no shock, thats always been there and something I may never escape, however, it becomes so much more dangerous when I constantly supress these thoughts and feelings and ignore them until they hit me like a tidal wave and theres nothign I can do except feel entirely consumed by these feelings that I dont even recognise myself anymore. I’ve had these moments before, they consume me with no obvious trigger or reason, it can be one small negative thought that mkes the final blow into the huge crack which is my self-esteme. And so this happened at approximetly 3.30am on wednesday 3rd April (technically thursday but it makes more sense like this in my head). I honestly have no idea what triggered it, i had such a fun night out with my friends, didnt get too drunk, remember all of it, jsut had a fun time dancing and being silly. Stayed till the lights came on, left with my housemate, got home and soemthing started to feel strange in my chest, I started to feel this werid hatred and anger starting to brew inside of my body and i had no idea why but it made be start to feel so out of control of myself. I went into my room on my own and sat on my bed and began to spiral, the negative thoughts in my head were uncontrollable and the feeling was flowing throughout my whole body, I felt so tense and my whole body kept getting hot and cold with a tingling feeling all over. this feeling wasnt foreign to me from dealing with panic attacks my whole life, but this time something felt really different. I wasnt worrying about anything, stressed about anything, triggered by anything, all I could think about was my self loathing and how much I hated everything about me. I have never experienced it on this extreme level before, normally its just thoughts and crying and feeling shit on and off for a few days, but this was something else. I really hated myself, I wanted to hurt myself. I was terrified. It’s something which is impossible to understand until you go through it yourself but I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. So the next hour I spent battling with myself, my last few brain cells with any common sense fighting with the hatred, innevitably, they lost. It’s so so strange to me as i never ever thought I would becomenthis sort of person as i never understood it but when you’re so consumed by a feeling that you just want to get rid of feeling something else sort of makes sense. Its just a different feeling to focus on other than the black self loathing that surrounded my whole body. So yeah that was probably the lowest moment of my life so far. Its funny how it can jsut come out of nowhere, but in reality it didnt come out of nowhere, it had been building up for weeks and weeks but I had been ignoring it and pretending to myself and everyone around me that I was fine. Classic Flora move that lol. One good thing to come out of this all though is that i’m so lucky to have such amazing people around me who truely care about me, this is a first time that i’ve actually felt that I have people around me that I can really talk to about anything. One friend especially went truely above and beyond to make sure that I was okay and i’m still in shock that he did, he didn’t have to, he just did because he cares and it’s one of the first times in my life when i’ve felt that someone is doing for me what I would do for them. And it didnt come form someone who I expected it to, but it came from the person that I needed it to and i’m beyond grateful to have them in my life. I’m still learnign things about myself everyday, I feel like i’ve entered a new chapter in my life where aspects of my personality and things about myself are so so different that I don’t really understand them, but everyday i’m going to try to be more mindful and really pay attention in order to understand. One thing i’ve already learnt is that i’m such an extreme person, I never do anything in half, i’m either the happiest funniest most hyper person around, or i’m quiet, low and tired. There doesnt seem to be any inbetweens anymore but i guess that’s something i’ll have to work on understanding or controlling more. i’ve also learnt that i’ve very easily influenced and I dont even notice it, which is ironic as i’m also the most stubborn person ever. This is what i mean by the title of this post, 1) this post is opposite to my previous one where I was feeling happy and free and positive, and 2) its like I have two opposite personalities inside my brain and i dont konw which one is really me or which one is an act or whethe i’m just being influenced by other people or what makes me happier or feel more comfortable. Well at the moment it seems my head is just one big mess of thoughts and emotins that I need to work on organising. wish me luck. 

[surveyjunkie]

0100

Do you sit on the couch or the floor?  The couch...

How many different colleges have you gone to? Just one

How much stress can you handle? An embarrassingly low amount. 

What is something you have to do before you go to sleep every night? Nothing. A lot of times I just pass out because I’m so mentally exhausted from work and chores I have to do when I get home, not to mention some of the shit I put up with from my stepdad. On days I can’t fall asleep, I watch Netflix or play video games. 

How confident are you in achieving your dreams? Maybe like 10%? I know for a fact at this point I’ll never be an accomplished doctor like I dreamed of. My ADD is absolutely out of control and my self-confidence is too low to ever put myself out there like that, not to mention that my motivation to even APPLY for doctoral school is too low for me to even think that I would get through it in the first place. I’ve learned from working in this position and who I choose to associate myself with in life that I do not have what it takes to succeed in this field. I’m NOT a Type A, and I value my personal life and relationships wayyy more than becoming a slave to school or work. It’s just not for everybody, and I guess I need to stop fooling myself into thinking that I’m this smart, ambitious person when I’d honestly rather be doing nothing. 

Do you ever get tired of all the army stuff you see all over the place? I don’t see it all over the place, but no I wouldn’t get tired of it. I have the utmost respect for our troops. << Absolutely. What a disrespectful question. Those people put their lives on the line for us so the least we can do is acknowledge their existence. 

What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I didn’t think I’d get this far, honestly. And the thing is, I know I don’t belong here. I’m really happy that I was able to graduate with my bachelor’s degree and just get it over with, but I sure as hell don’t deserve to be working at a job like this. 

Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? No. I have trump supporters in my family and as much as I disagree with their political views I don’t let it get to me because it has nothing to do with our relationship. 

At what point in your life do you think you will be truly happy? Who konws

Do you ever make pictures or shapes out of the markings in the ceilings? Maybe in my mind

Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? My life is definitely not predictable. Sometimes I feel like it could be more exciting and glamorous, but when you live with bipolar disorder like I do, it’s definitely not predictable. 

Would you rather things be predictable or unpredictable? I like having some routine, but at the same time it would be nice to switch it up now and then. In a good way, that is. I don’t need any more of life’s curve balls. << Pretty much this. 

Do you really think money will buy your, or anyone else’s, happiness? Honestly, yes. I’ve been a lot happier recently because of the money I’ve been making from this job. I don’t have to worry about making my bills on time, and I’m able to buy and do things that make me happy. If I didn’t have money, I’d be pretty miserable, and if I had more, I’d be even happier. 

Do you think you will die happy? Maybe. 

Is shopping a form of therapy for you? Yeah, in a way. Especially if it’s stuff like candles or decor that will make my surroundings nicer. Or stuff for my dog haha. 

Do you have to take medication for any mental illness? I take Prozac for my anxiety and depression symptoms, but I probably need more than just that. 

Do you believe it is possible for someone to change? Well, yes of course. If they want to change that is. It has to be for them. Even then they likely will stumble and relapse, but that doesn’t mean they can never change. It’s a work in progress. A daily thing. <<

What is your favorite food to snack on when watching t.v.? Pizza counts as a snack, right?

Do you like looking at pictures? I like through old photos. Like from when I was younger. << Same, I like to reminisce about the simpler times in my life. 

Have you ever set 2 people up and it actually worked out? Lol, indirectly I guess. I won’t get into that though. 

Are you good at persuading? Lol sometimes. A lot of times I just bribe people with food or something. 

Are you a submissive person? Kind of. I’m trying to get better at though. 

Do you think the professional personality tests are bogus? They’re not “bogus”, but I do agree that they can be inaccurate because it’s hard to put a personality into one neat little box. You can define certain aspects of it, but it’s ever-changing and often times requires more analysis than just self-report. Sorry, the psych major in me just came out.  

Do you believe everyone should learn another language while still a child? I do, actually, but not only because it’s much easier to learn a language while you’re still a child, but because I think it’s important for the population in general to become bilingual in order to reduce racial/cultural prejudices and things like that. 

How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? I think they’re beautiful if they’re done right. I’m all about self-expression. 

Do you care what people think? Way too much. 

How many dirty looks have you received today? Who knows, I’ve been around a lot of different people today so maybe one person did. I didn’t do anything to deserve one though. 

If a loved one who’d died showed up at your door, what would you do? I’d probably faint, honestly. That would be some next-level shit. 

Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I do. There’s a lot we don’t know about this universe yet, it’s possible. 

How many times have you looked at a picture and wished you were there? I can’t put a number on it, but it happens sometimes.

What is the most consecutive miles you have ran? 3.5

Are there any words you absolutely hate? I mean, sure. I can’t think of any at the moment though. 

How many picture messages have you received? Ever? I have absolutely no idea.

Sent? Again, I have no idea. That is over a span of years of being able to send and receive picture messages.

Did you like kissing the last person you kissed or the one before that more? The last person.

What is your favorite pair of shoes that you own? My wine-colored vans. I haven’t even taken them out of the box yet because it’s been too cold to wear them, but once spring comes you can bet I’m wearing them almost every day. 

One person people think you look similar to? My mom.

Who is the most recent addition to your contacts? Who knows

Are tongue piercings slutty? No

What is the worst physical pain you have ever felt? Not sure. 

What is the fourth picture on your phone? It’s a picture of Josh and I on New Years. It’s actually one my favorites. 

What is the worst thing about winter? The chapped lips, dry skin and frizzy hair. That’s three things I suppose but whatever. 

Where do you order your pizza? Marco’s or Pizza Hut. Sometimes I’ll pick some up from Little Caesar’s. 

Do you think you would lose some friends if you gained 100 pounds? My friends aren’t my friends because of what I weigh or how I look. That would be really, really shitty. << Lol, yep

Last cuss word you said? I think an F-bomb.

Do you usually say too much or too little? Too much. Always too much. 

Lyrics to the song you are listening to: I’m not listening to a song.

Two things you are tired of: This job. 

What tv show do you wish your life was most like? Friends. 

What person of the opposite sex makes you laugh most? My boyfriend. 

Best purchase you ever made? It’s between my laptop and my TV

Do you have pictures up in your room? Yeah, I have a photo of Jo and I on our senior spring break trip up on my desk, and a picture of my mom and I when I was four or five. 

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? Sure

Have you ever been caught sneaking out? No 

Does your school have any rivals? I’m no longer in school.

Which one of your friends causes the most drama? None.

How many Facebooks have you had? Just the one I have.

Who is the most inappropriate old person you know? My fucking stepdad. He’s not really “old” though, but yeah. 

Have you ever been punched in the face? By my little brother back when we were kids, yeah. 

When was the last time you talked to the first person you kissed? An hour or two ago. 

What is the latest you have ever slept in? Until almost 3.

Do you know what your name would have been if you were the opposite sex? I’m guessing my brother’s name, Daniel. 

Are you embarrassed to buy condoms? Kind of, but I don’t ever buy them sooooo. 

Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? Yes.

What year in your life do you think you were the least attractive? LOL 7th grade. I had the choppiest Great Clips haircut, bushy eyebrows, crooked teeth, and wirey glasses. And I thought it was cool to put giant bows in my hair. I was a hot mess. 

Do you have any nicknames? Tash, Basha, Tashie, Tosh.0, Tersha, Tayesha, yeah it goes on and on

How often do you wear necklaces? I wear chokers every now and then. 

Did anything bad happen to you in August? No

Do you have a morning routine? Wake up, pee, brush my teeth, take the dog out, change, brush my hair, feed the dog, leave

Is the first text in your inbox saved? My phone keeps all my texts already. I don’t go through and delete any.

Was the last time you logged into your email? I’m logged in right now

If you are getting up early on a saturday it’s most likely…because I drank too much the night before, or because I have a doctor’s appointment. 

What are the first 3 channels you check when you first turn on the tv? We don’t get any cable

What was your last halloween costume? Louise from Bob’s Burgers

Have you discovered your passion? I like to write, and act. 

Do you get tan in the summer? I get black.

[warmau]

Highschool!AU Haechan

find college!nct (here) & more hs!dream kids will be coming soon!!

favorite subject: piano & creative writing 

least favorite subject: chemistry 

voted most likely to: become a famous game show host

haechan is described by his homeroom teacher as ‘popular’, with pretty high grades in all subjects - even the ones he despises, and a personality that’s loud an vibrant it’s only natural that people want to be his friend

although he does have a streak of giving back cheeky answers to teachers, never insulting or rude just a bit too sarcastic 

but that just makes him even more popular, because everyone thinks he’s hilarious 

his parents are both musically inclined so haechan took every music extracurricular class that was available, the piano teacher basically lets him live in the music room

some older kids had tried to make snarky comments involving haechan’s talent, but he had confidently told them to buzz off with their low college entrance exam scores and well,,,,they never bothered him again

doesn’t skip class often, but when he does it’s totally with jisung and chenle to cause some no good pranks on their friends jeno and renjun

and/or to get snacks down at the corner store, the owner is like “hey shouldnt you be in school??” and haechan is like “oh, it’s national government day so no school!” and the person is always like uh,,,sounds legit and haechan just grins

has he used his cuteness to get free food from the lunch ladies? yeah,,,he has,,,,much to the look of regret on jisung’s face

his other favorite class is creative writing because haechan is imaginative, it’s hard to not notice both his personality and his creativity

and he likes storytelling and songwriting, so even if everyone else is writing cheesy romance hs love plots like haechan’s gonna write his dragon slayer robot apocalypse piano playing hero trilogy - just you watch him

(what im saying is popular boy haechan probably lowkey loves reading magical books and stuff,,, like he might hate science but do i think haechan loves scifi novels??? yeah,,,,look at him)

and you actually have creative writing with haechan this semester, which is funny because ofc you know him

your friends are friends with his friends yada yada, but you’ve like never really given him a thought

one of your friends had a brief crush on him when you were all freshmen, and you’d agreed - something about him was charming

was it the clear, glowing skin? the long eyelashes? the smile that made the room light up? the way you’d made eye contact across the lunchroom and haechan’s eyes , an earthy brown, had sparkled - 

ok yeah you totally just thought that “something” about him was charming not like you’d thought about him twice

but being in the same room with him for a whole semester changed that

and it changed it really,,,, really fast

and you weren’t expecting it, coming into class - trying your hardest to listen to other people read their stories, make comments, ask questions

but all you could do was sneak peeks at haechan

who sat at the desk beside yours, closest to the windows

and when a gust of wind would past buy, his hair would ruffle slightly and he’d tap the end of his pencil gently against his lips

whenever the teacher called on him, he’d have something so interesting to say and the chance amount of times he’d look your way

you had to pretend to be scribbling something against your own notes

because what,,,what was happening

you had never thought your crush would end up being haechan and not because he was the school sweetheart or the most athletic kid on the soccer team or any of that stuff from the movies

you just got,,,,entranced,,,, “he’s a wizard, right?” you once rationalized to yourself in bed but what - no c’mon,,,that couldn’t be it

and it wasn’t like haechan didn’t notice,,,,,,

he’d always wondered - when you were both freshman and you’d met eyes in the lunchroom during the first couple of weeks of school

why had you never,,,looked at him again?

it had bugged him, he had even asked mark about it who had graduated and mark just said something about “why do you care? oh,,,,do you like them?”

haechan had gritted his teeth “what are you talking about?”

mark’s cheery laughter came on the other end “only people ask a questions like ‘oh why aren’t they looking at me?’ when they have a crush.”

“you know what mark, i called you for some REAL advice and you’re giving me this baloney. this was dumb, college is making you dumber bye”

mark hadn’t been hurt when haechan hung up the phone, he was too busy chuckling over the fact that haechan 100% was interested in you - and just refused to admit it 

or maybe haechan was just as confused as you, he would act like you didn’t phase him at all in creative writing

most of the time he’d concentrate extra hard on staring out the window, or asking questions about other peoples work

because one slip up and he’d have his head down on the desk, hearts floating above his head looking at the way your hair falls over your eyes sometimes, the pretty birthmark on your arm, the cute animals you doodled in your pages when you weren’t listening

haechan did NOT want to fall into that hole - he had seen jisung have crushes before and it was never pretty he acted like a total fOOL 

but it was hard,,,you were so cute,,, he’d thought that when he first saw you but high school life had got in the way

now you sat beside each other????? what the heCK was he supposed to do???

you hadn’t told anyone about your feelings, and it was easy to hide you literally never saw haechan in the halls or at lunch - the only period you had with him was creative writing

so no one suspected a thing,,,,not until it was haechan’s turn to read aloud his writing

and you were secretly dreading it, but it did give you an excuse to finally look at him without seeming weird

yet the gnawing idea in your head was just: what if it’s a love poem about someone ,,,,, or some kind of allegory ,,, 

it was a dumb thought - but you’re a teenager in love these things always bubble up

so on the day off, you briefly considered cutting class but ended up at your desk, watching haechan walk to the center of the board 

his story was set in the future, something about a hero who played the piano while simultaneously defeating monster robots - it reminded you slightly of a comic book story line

someone had snorted at the idea, but haechan wrote it really well

to the point that halfway through the class, and even the teacher were on the edge of their seats

and then ,,,, came that part

haechans main character, who played piano in a well known orchestra was sitting beside his love interest

haechan read, “i would sit with them, completely alone in the grand hall. i would read music and they would practice at the other end of the room. the tune they played almost religiously, was one of my favorite. yet, there was never a moment where i could feel their gaze on me. almost as if i did not exist. i could clearly remember the first time we met, the canteen had been full of other musicians and orchestra staff. it was bustling, but like in any special moment time had slowed when we saw each other. it was like looking at someone who embodied spring. bright, just as curious and nervous as i. their eyes were a color i could see myself falling in love with effortlessly. but like spring breeze, the moment dwindled for a second and was gone. since then, they have not dared to spare me a glance.”

for a second you felt something familiar in the scene, then you realized haechan was describing a memory you had

the memory of the two of you in the lunchroom during freshman year

subconsciously, you were arguing that it was just a coincidence. he didn’t remember that, why would he?

but your heart was flipping in your chest, your grip on your pen had tightened

you almost didn’t hear the teacher call your name and ask for your opinion

haechan’s eyes landed on you and your face felt like it was on fire

“i,,,,,,,,,,i really like the scene between the protagonist and his ,,,,,, crush.”

you weren’t even thinking straight, but it came out

you hide your eyes back onto your paper, too concentrated on hiding your blush to see haechan’s lips turn upward ever so slightly

he had thought to himself,,,you remembered this moment too?

as class came to an end, you couldn’t get up out of your seat. your legs had turned to jello and you were still overthinking the whole situation

when the room had emptied out, even the teacher gone you finally put your hands on the desk and pushed yourself up

haechan had been waiting outside the room, he didn’t really konw what to say to you but the look on your face in class had meant something

and really, this itching feeling to look at you,,,,,to hold your hand,,,,,to even kiss you was starting to overwhelm him

and he wasn’t a patient person, i mean when his thoughts had crossed over to ‘why wont they look at me?’ to ‘they look really cute, kissing them would be nice’ he had decided to write that scene in his story

he wanted to know - he needed to konw

if what happened that day meant something and if that something was happening now, now in this one period class you had together

you didn’t see haechan when you opened the door, your eyes were on the floor and you were muttering to yourself

when you heard someone clear their throat and you looked up

“h-haechan?”

he looked at you and that sparkle from back in freshman year was still there

“i dont want to guess, but i need to know. you remember what happened a while ago,,,,,,,,,,what i based the scene off of right?”

you could feel the lump in your throat grow, you were late to last period calculus but you couldn’t even use that as an excuse

“i ,,, i do. but -”

“but, i want you to know that i started feeling it again. what i felt in that moment. i have a,,,,,,,,,,,mark used this word so ill use it too even though,,,it’s,,,corny but whatever - i have a crush on you.”

you stand there, backpack slung over one shoulder and your eyes wider than ever before

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,haechan likes you?,,,,,,,,

“y-you like me?”

“yes, im sorry for saying crush it’s corny but i guess,,, i dont know,,,,it fits the situation?”

haechan gives a small shrug, but a smile starts forming on his face

the cute, shy one you’ve never seen before

“i - i like you too,,,,,,, i just got kind of confused because well i just,,,,, it’s never really,,,,something,,,”

haechan nods “something you thought about before?”

it’s not like this is middle school or anything, but even as high schoolers neither you or haechan ever had much of a mind when it came to crushes

haechan had always found distractions in good friends and music - you had found it in your pasions

so it was only normal that liking each other kind of sent you bothi nto mini panics

but haechan, has never been embarrassed by telling the truth so it was just a matter of time till he confessed

and standing there, alone in the hallway with the muffled sounds of other classes going on , you were happy he did

your first date starts that afternoon, you both are too late for your last classes so you sneak off and go into the city

neither of you has much allowance, so you scrap up what you’ve got and buy snacks to eat, dropping what change you have into the pal of your hand

“it’s not much, but we can go see what it’ll get us at the thrift store?”

you nod and follow haechan into a small, underground store that is stuffed to the brim with second-hand items and vintage clothing hanging off the ceilings

aside from the trendy adults in the store, you and haechan stick out like sore thumbs in your school uniforms

but you completely forget because haechan puts on a large, round straw hat with flowers on it and does an impression of one of your favorite actresses

you two giggle over trying on outrageous clothes, digging through old records and books, until haechan pulls an old puppy toy from the depths of some stack and goes 

“doesn’t he look like me?”

you laugh because the puppy is a slightly washed out red color, but the adorable face with big eyes does sort of remind you of him

on he flip side of the dogs ear is a worn out tag, the name ‘cherry’ spelled out in cursive

“should we spend our change on this guy?” haechan asks

you take him and hold him up “well it’s either him or we share cup ramen in the subway,,,,”

haechan and you agree, cherry is worth it

and as you walk around till late, the city lights illuminating you two in a soft glow, you hold cherry 

and the people walking by flash smiles at you two, a young couple in love

when it’s time to go, haechan has to catch the train but you’re getting on the bus

he fusses with you over waiting till you get on safely, longenough for your bus to actually get there

watching you climb on, you turn over your shoulder and tell haechan to be safe

he points to cherry and raises an eyebrow “you two be safe as well.”

you nod, and haechan seems to stutter for a moment

“see you tomorrow.”

you call before the door shuts and the bus stars on its way, haechan watches your figure through a window as the bus pulls away

softly, with a smile he answers “see you tomorrow”

on the bus ride you stare out the window, holding cherry tightly in your arms

who knew haechan’s story would be the reason you two,,,,finally understood each others hearts

haechan gets home,,,,,and immediately calls mark

“i have a stupid crush. you were right. college is making you smarter.”

mark just laughs, he saw this coming and asks haechan to tell him all about you 

when you end up in class the ext time, you try hard not to smile like an idiot when haechan comes in

but to your surprise, he doesn’t hide it all

he smiles, sliding into his desk and moving it just an inch closer to yours

“how’s cherry?”

“fine, did you get home late?”

the entire class seems to shift their gazes on to you and the weight of their stares makes you nervous 

but haechan doesn’t seem to mind, he just looks at you and says everything was good. clumsily he adds in,,,,if you want,,,,,i gotta show you something after class

the thing he shows you is the piano in the schools music room, you never knew it before = but haechan is a skilled player

and when he sits down behind it, you think he looks handsome - like some kind of young prodigy - like the character in his story

the more you get to know him, the more you see a side of him that you’re sure he hides from others

the little that you knew from other people was his popular, sarcasti image

but there’s a lot more - there’s someone that wholeheartedly loves music and his friends 

it makes you fall for him even harder,,,,,,,

haechan isn’t sure how to tell jisung and the others, so he approaches jeno first since he knows he’ll deal with it the calmest

“you’re dating,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what how did we not EVEN KNOW?”

haechan shrugs “you guys are kind of oblivious.”

jeno frowns at haechan’s joke, but congratulates him nonetheless

now when isung, renjun and chenle find out ,,,, it’s a whole different ball game. there’s a lot of shouting. renjun even goes “haechan, you have a heart? you never told us!”

when you meet them, they all have some story to tell you about haechan

and haechan just ends up chasing half of them around, threatening to reveal their own secrets to their parent if anything

jeno, who stands beside you watching this unfold leans over and goes “he says he’s really happy these days thanks to you.”

you even get to know jaemin, haechan’s close friend whose on a break from school 

haechan is a half-decent cook, you find out when you try to have a picnic and your homemade lunch is nothing like his

you end up discarding your pitiful sandwich for whatever haechan has in his fancy lunch box

dates with him are always a surprise and goofy

the amount of times you two use the ‘cute highschoolers with no money’ charm is uncountable - free popcorn at the movies? check. extra fries at burger king? check compliments from people on how you two will only get better looking from here on out? weird, but check

you don’t even need money to be happy, honestly you and haechan can make it fun no matter what

from running by the sea, backpacks discarded in the sand and the early fall wind blowing the waves up close as you yell when haechan pretends to jump in

to taking cute pics of the puppies in the puppy cafe windows

heck, once haechan gave you some flowers before first period and you were like how’d you get these,,

and he had told you that he just “got them” when in reality he part-timed for a friends cafe on the weekend to get some money for a gift

you and him meet up at the public library to try and study, but get distracted because you text each other even though you’re a foot apart

‘hey, chemistry sucks’

‘you know what doesn’t suck? my cute face’

‘agreed’

haechan sends you memes he made of jisung himself

you keep asking to meet mark because, most of the dating advice haechan gets is fro him but haechan is just like ‘mark’s a loser,,,,,,,,,,but he’s my big brother and he’d say something to embarrass me.’

you do meet mark when he comes back on college break and he does tell you something embarrassing. it’s that haechan doesn’t shuttup about you. 

haechan teaches you some songs on the piano, you two stay late after school and the music teacher entrusts you with the keys to the room

but it’s nice, to be there with him in the soft evening glow of the sunet - no noisy kids in the halls, just you

your first kiss is outside of the music room, with haechan’s hand on your waist and his nervous laughter afterwords, because he’s confident but ,,,,,,a first kiss is really something else

but you reassure him, when you kiss him a second time before getting on your bus home and haechan walks to the subway, dizzy with glee

haechan doesn’t do pda persay, but he does do little things that are cute

he’ll lay his hand flat on your desk, looking at his textbook like he didn’t just do that and you’ll giggle and hold his hand or play with his fingers

one time you kissed them and haechan blushed deeper red than you thought was humanly possible, but he likes it,,,

other cute quirks; calls you nicknames that have to do with your clumsiness, compliments you when you least expect it, sends you his favorite instrumentals when you say you can’t fall asleep because he knows they can calm you down, has your favorite snacks memorized so he know what to get you without asking, haechan would probably read your horoscope to you everyday if you were into horoscopes like he’s that kind of boy

also if you’re ever upset by something or someone, haechan has the kind of skills that will uplift you in ways you never thought possible. with possible jabs at what made you upset here and there

he might be ‘sarcastic’ to some people, but with you he is nothing but truthful and gentle. he can make jokes and be playful, but his love is real and strong and if anyone hurts it - he goes after them like bad blood

always ends his texts with “stay safe” if you’re going anywhere

and totally leaves his cardigan on purpose on the back of your chair in class if he sees that you’re cold

mark: can’t believe you’re soft for someone haechan

haechan: im not,,,soft

mark: their name in your phone has three heart emojis next to it  

haechan:,,,,,,,,,and yours has three poop emojis now goodbye

(he is soft for you tho, fyi ^^)