#I actually don't mind referring myself as a man or a woman. it's whatever. I'm a person. men and women are persons too. so it's ok
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I'm but a simple man (gender neutral), I find a new character to obsess over, I draw them being pathetic to get it out of my system, I mentally put them on 'favorite characters' shelf, and I got on with my life. It is what it is
#not art#text#Spock and Reigen and leon Kennedy and Gi-hun and Anya mouthwashing and-#I actually don't mind referring myself as a man or a woman. it's whatever. I'm a person. men and women are persons too. so it's ok#mental gymnastics with that one but what can I do#I'm a fangirl and a fanboy (but I'm not a fanboy actually because it reminds me of that one fanboy and chum chum cartoon)
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Anonymous asked: I have a few questions as an aspiring writer and a current fanfic writer who publishes.
Okay! But if you write fan-fiction, you're already a writer! I'm guessing you mean an aspiring author? âĽ
How would you help with distractions and writer's block? I try to dedicate myself to writing, but then I wander off to other stuff and my motivation wanes.
This is not uncommon and there can be a lot of different reasons for why it happens. Understanding the reason behind why it's happening is important for knowing how to fix it. I have a couple posts that will help with this:
5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! Feeling Unmotivated with WIP Writerâs Block
How do you advise me outlining a huge original story plot with world-building in an organized way that isn't just scattered?
Outlining is really just any method that helps you get all the important pieces of the story out, in order, so that you can use it as a reference while writing. Some people use one big beginning to end summary. Some people like scene lists or timelines. Other people like scene cards or mind maps... Different things work for different people, so part of the work you need to do as a writer is figure out which method/methods work best for you.
I often find, though, that the struggle people have with outlining is less about what method to use and more about how to actually fill out the details, which brings me around to plot and story structure. All stories have structure. Fan-fiction is often short, character-driven fiction, which gives it a different structure from the average novel. That said, even if you're a prolific fan-fiction writer, you may still need to take some time to learn about plot and story structure. I'll link a few posts that will help, but once you understand story structure (all the specific plot points a story should go through), it becomes much easier to know how to outline it.
Guide: How to Outline a Plot Guide: Starting a New (Long Fiction) Story Basic Story Structure Beginning a New Story How to Move a Story Forward Plot Driven vs Character Driven Stories Understanding Goals and Conflict
What advice would you give for writing fictional religions and mythology?
First and foremost, it's important to understand the role religion and mythology play in your story... how do they feed into your characters' beliefs? How do they influence your characters' actions and behavior? How do they guide the forces of power in your story's world? How do they impact the story's conflict/s and plot? Ultimately, you don't want to put a lot of time into creating and fleshing out a religion or mythology that's ultimately unimportant to the story. It helps to focus most on the aspects that truly matter.
Also, you might consider using real world mythology and religions as inspiration... just be careful about cultural appropriation. It's best not to use anything that belongs to an active culture or religion unless it's yours, or unless you do intense research and consult with sensitivity readers to make sure you don't do anything harmful.
And lastly, what sources do you recommend to accurately describe buildings (especially castles and manors) battlefields, geographical locations especially when it comes to mountains and rivers, etc), dresses and clothing especially if it isn't modern, and fighting techniques that are believable (for example, how a smaller woman would fight a larger man without being unrealistic)?
1 - Find Inspiration Sources - No matter when and where your story is set, it's important to find inspiration sources for the places in your story, whether that's buildings, towns, regions, whatever. Not only will this help you imagine and describe what you're envisioning, it will help you immensely with research on specific details.
2 - Time and Place Are Important - Many descriptive details are specific to time and place, so make sure you know that about your inspiration sources and/or the elements in your story. You can do a Google search for layout, architecture, and design (along with relevant location and era information) to find the details you need. For example, "medieval European castle layout" or "Victorian era manor house architectural details." Likewise, you can look for "Tudor era menswear" or "Victorian era dress details."
3 - Fighting Techniques - This again will tie into the time and place when your story is set. However, some fighting techniques will be somewhat timeless. I would strongly suggest heading over to @howtofightwrite for the best information and resources about portraying fighting techniques in writing.
Happy writing!
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
Iâve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what Iâve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
⌠Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ⌠Please see my master list of top posts before asking ⌠Learn more about WQA here
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I wanna know who your favorite vinsmoke sibling is so bad actually please tell me đâ¨
My friend and my brother laughed at me when I told them my favorite Vinsmoke is Niji, and I genuinely was embarrassed that day because I didn't really know much about him at the time (I think I had only watched a few eps of WCI) and it's pretty clear in the show that he's, uh, the worst of the Vinsmokes. And by "the worst" I mean: The one who's portrayed as the worst because he's the most active one when it comes to abuse and supremacism within the family line. Unlike Ichiji (who's more serious) and Yonji (who's more playful, somehow) Niji is the one who has to actually fight for a role in his family and that's why I think he's so fucking annoying all the damn time. I hate him. I love him. I want to hug him. But also I wouldn't mind punching him very, very hard. I have mixed feelings, but yeah, Niji is my favorite Vinsmoke. And you haven't asked why, but I feel the need to do some sort of mini argument about this because I am a very resentful person and I want to show my friend and my brother that Niji is actually a very interesting character!! And my fiancĂŠ thinks I just like him because he's hot, and she's right but only like a 20%. Maybe 40%.
I will try to put my thoughts into words, but it's pretty difficult because I have a lot of things to say about this blue evil gremlin.
I like Niji the most because I think he is, between the three brothers, the one who shows feelings and ambitions outside their emotionless selves the most. I know they technically are the same, but I don't think so (btw, please assume I'm not including Reiju in this text because she's canonically different from them and I'm just referring to the brothers).
As I mentioned before, I think Niji is the one brother who is the most annoying and evil because he feels the need to stand out. Ichiji is serious, and calculative and has a secure place in the family. He is the number one, even if Reiju is the oldest (I would like to talk more about how Reiju, being a woman, even if she's the oldest, she's the number 0. Because she is the oldest but she's a woman, so she obviously doesn't and would not be able to wear the number 1 like a man would. She is the oldest and yet, she has less significance in the family line than Ichiji. But, yeah, this is something that has nothing to do with Niji, sorry). Ichiji, like all of his siblings, wants recognition from his father, but he doesn't have to try as hard as the others to be impressive because he is, after all, the oldest. The typical "older sibling in an abusive household who has to deal with all the bullshit to protect their siblings"? That's something Reiju took over. That's Reiju's responsibility as the oldest and the woman. Ichiji literally doesn't have to do anything besides leading the team and being the evil, emotionless machine his father created. That does not mean that I don't think he could be able to develop more feelings, because I think he could and I love the concept of him being the first one to protest against Judge's behavior, but you get me. When you're the oldest brother with an even older sister, your responsibilities are pretty limited. So he doesn't have to be anything but there and himself.
Yonji, on the other hand... He is the youngest. Even younger than Sanji. He doesn't have to try, because Niji and Sanji should be the ones to do so. Little siblings are not expected to do much besides existing because irl parents are usually tired of raising children and they end up either getting neglected or seen as decoration. As a little sibling myself I can confirm that these things affect really badly to your brain growing up, but I got a more Sanji treatment so I can't speak for Yonji here. The thing I can say, though, is that in comparison to Niji, Yonji is just there. He's silly and goofy. He's funny. He's dumb. He has the excuse of being the little one to act that way. Getting lost eating or doing whatever. Even the fact that his powers are more physically focused instead of power/intelligence centered shows that he can just punch away his issues. He's the gym bro of the siblings. Don't expect much from him. <- Thing that's often said about little siblings, btw, and affects real fucking badly in early teenage years. The fact that he's portrayed like that is so on point tbh but after all, they don't have high expectations for him, so little to no effort is everything he does.
Then there's Niji, of course. My favorite. Love him. Hate him. Whatever. Niji is the middle child. And God, do I have to say things about middle siblings.
The thing about Niji is that he actually has to try and make a name for himself in the family because otherwise he'll probably get forgotten. I often wonder if he had that fear of becoming the next Sanji once he "died" (he's the only one genuinely asking if Sanji died on them before Yonji and Ichiji say they don't care) because his role is not as noticeable as the others. Reiju is the woman, Ichiji is the successor, Sanji is the weakling getting bullied (being technically one of the little siblings but still being in a limbo of middle/youngest because the little one is Yonji), and Yonji is the little one. Then... What's Niji?
Niji needs Sanji way more than he's willing to admit, and I love that. I absolutely love how he's written because he constantly shows that he needs Sanji, through both words and actions. He needs him because without Sanji's existence -without Niji being his bully- Niji is nothing but number 2. And there's nothing more frustrating than being the number two when it comes to family hierarchy. Not going to mention every little thing he does, but as I said, I love how well-written he is. He's the sibling Oda uses the most to show the abuse Sanji went through, but that's only because Niji is the only one who needs to do that. Niji is the one to talk to Sanji first, all the damn time. He gets angry when Sanji doesn't respond. He gets angry because Sanji can't be bullied anymore. He gets angry out of fear, in my opinion, because if the weakling can't get abused anymore, then he's not worth anything. If Sanji isn't the third, the second one is left alone. 2 can't fight 1 because 1 has the protection of starting the line. And 2 can't fight 4 because there's a missing link that keeps 2 from 4. So Niji is mad at Sanji because Sanji isn't the same weak crybaby he used to be, and he can't use him anymore to be secure and safe.
That's fucking horrifying when it comes to family hierarchy.
I like Niji because, despite being an asshole, he has reasons to be like that. First of all, because his father literally made him this way. But also, the little feelings he has (selfish emotions, yes, evil. But they're feelings, anyway. Urges. He's supposed to be emotionless and yet he knows how Sanji feels enough to use that to his advantage) are used as a way to feel superior and safe because he feels inferior. I think he's the one showing more emotions out of the three, even if those emotions aren't healthy or good and it's just him being angry all the time. That means that if he has urges and needs like that, even if he doesn't fear his own death, he could end up developing more and more empathy. His type of empathy comes from a place of fear. He feels what Sanji feels. And it's not that he doesn't care (I mean, I am aware that he technically doesn't, but let me dream) but it's just convenient for him not to care and keep bullying him to secure his place in the family.
Also pointing out that I like Niji because, being the one who says he hates Sanji the most, he's the one to protect him with his own body when that scene of the siblings helping Sanji escape happens. The others only clear the way, Niji stays with him. There's a really cool post about this on Niji's tag somewhere!!! I personally think he does this because, as that post said: Niji keeps seeing Sanji as weak, instead of believing in him enough to just clear the way. He protects him because he thinks he can't protect himself. Because he's weak.
And yes, it might sound offensive and emotionless and it doesn't make Niji a better person. But it makes him an older brother. Believing in Sanji would be great, but thinking that he's weak and needs protection after years of projecting on him only shows that the weak one is Niji. That he wants and is willing to protect his brother, too. If he didn't care about his well-being he would've just cleared the way for him, not caring about what could've happened to Sanji. But he goes all the way to help him out and protect him longer than the others did. Idk. I find that a very beautiful way of ending their relationship.
All of this being said, I have to be honest with you: When I said I liked Niji for the first time I only did it because people around me kept saying he was the worst one and it bothered me because I found his design pretty fucking cool. And tbh when he started being an actual character? I loved him even more. Because during WCI he's a fucking asshole but the way he acts towards Sanji is wanting to get a response from him, and I just find that so curious and complex... Like, if he just wanted to be evil he'd be more the Doflamingo type. But Niji looks for a response in Sanji's eyes. He wants to feel powerful because he knows he isn't.
And also, well, he's very cute and I like his hair a lot and he makes me furious sometimes which is great because if a character doesn't make you want to punch him at one point, is he really a good character? Look at him! He deserves to get slapped in the face. But also, I would love to kiss him afterward. What's that Olivia Rodrigo lyric? Ah, yes: "I wanna break his heart, then be the one to stitch it up. Wanna kiss his face with an uppercut." That's how I feel about him.
I really hope it's obvious, with all of this, that "Succession" is one of my favorite TV Shows, because I could go on and on and on (and nobody would listen but idc) about how the Vinsmokes are just the Roy family. Both One Piece and Succession deal with family in which hierarchy is crucial in a very specific and accurate way. It makes me sick. I love it.
Anyway, have some pics of my blue idiot:
I want to hit him in the head with a baseball bat.
#i am indeed so not normal about niji#the fact that i don't talk more about him is just out of fear of cancellation#because i know he's an asshole but have you considered that his father is an even bigger asshole for making him this way#he has blue hair and pronouns#also i am so not normal about the other siblings i could rant for hours about reiju bc she reminds me so much of my brother#i can go into heavy detail as a sanji kinnie about all of them ngl#my least favorite is yonji but i don't have anything against him i just don't like gym bros but he's a cutie pie#if you're curious my top is niji > reiju > ichiji > yonji#the reason i like reiju is bc she reminds me of my brother and the reason why she's not the first one is bc she reminds me of my brother#one piece#vinsmoke niji#vinsmoke ichiji#vinsmoke yonji#vinsmoke reiju#vinsmoke siblings#germa 66#black leg sanji
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SueĂąos de piedra (ch1)
Okay, I promised (to myself) to check out whatever media won the ultimate obscure blorbo tournament ( @who-do-i-know-this-man (I wasn't sure whether to tag you or not but in the end I figured I might as well, hope you don't mind I guess))
Turns out that it's a guy from a 2015 Spanish YA fantasy book
And turns out there's a free sample available! Which is lucky for me because I'm currently very broke
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SueĂąos de piedra by Iria G. Parente and Selene M. Pascual
I don't speak Spanish so I'm gonna rely on the translator quite a lot lmao (well I understand some Spanish actually, but definitely not enough to read a whole book)
The title translates to something like "Dreams of Stone" I think?
Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, a prince rewarded a wizard for helping rescue a young girl in trouble. Charming. Too bad none of this is true. In reality, the prince dreams of glory and revenge; the magician, with her spells not always being a disaster and the young woman in trouble, with fleeing from a past that torments her... and from the memory of the man she has killed. Once upon a time...
(Yes this is just Google Translate, sorry)
Okay so, prince, magician and a damsel in distress? Prince wants revenge for something, who knows what, magician is having trouble doing the magic, and the damsel is in fact a killer? Ok ok
The dedication goes as follows:
To all those who embark on a direct journey towards their dreams every day. May you always reach your destination.
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Okay so Marabilia is a place? That's apparently also the name of this book series. Is this like the kingdom then? So it consists of three islands, two small ones and one big? Or is it supposed to be a continent? It definitely seems too small to be a continent
I know the blorbo is called Arthmael de Silfos so I'm guessing he's from the Silfos area in the north of the big island then. I can see what's probably a city called Duan and a forest called "Merlon Forest". We also have different towers around the big island, one of which seems to be called the Tower of Black Magic. (I didn't even need to use the translator for those yay xD)
Okay the first chapter is called Arthmael so I guess we're meeting our blorbo already, which is nice
â Let me make it clear: are you going to give my crown to a bastard?
Okay..... the very first line and I already think Arthmael might be a bit of a spoiled brat (I assume he's in fact the prince)
Apparently Arthmael just found out that he has an illegitimate older brother but I guess this brother's mother is noble anyway so it's legit? I dunno yet. Arthmael thinks this guy is blackmailing his father somehow and is already considering poison as a solution
And anyway, what kind of a name is Jacques for a king?
lmao, so much shade to all the kings called Jacques
Okay so Jacques's family is very powerful and loved by the people of Silfos and the king fears a civil war if he disrespects his claim to the throne. Alright. Kinda weird since based on Arthmael's thoughts, this society has a similar attitude to bastards as in European history, but okay then. I wonder if Jacques is even actually the king's son or is this some kind of a ruse?
Arthmael is very cheeky and even references his dad's love life directly to his face, his dad is not very happy
The king tells him to just be a good boy and hopefully they'll find him some crown princess to marry so he'll get a kingdom that way
I guess these different areas on the map are kingdoms then, that makes sense. They look like very small kingdoms but this is a small place in general.
Arthmael doesn't seem to mind this idea except that there's only one possible princess like that in Marabilia and that's Ivy de Dione. Not sure what's wrong with her.
Well, who knows? Maybe, if I wait a few moons, some other bastard, in Verves or Idyll, will come out from under a rock and come offer me her hand.
Somebody's very snarky, that's cute
Arthmael is very haughty about how the people have always known him as the crown prince and accepted him as such, Jacques laughs and asks what has he even done for the people. He's like well he hasn't really done much yet because he was planning to do things once he became king, but he's been supporting the local business (taverns) and employing servants (lmao). Also apparently there are some girls he's seeing...
Apparently Jacques's family are big traders and business people (despite being noblemen) and create lots of jobs, and also big on charity, so everybody loves them
Arthmael is jealous of how proud his dad looks when Jacques says this, and how he's never looked at him like that
Well, I guess you're kind of a little shit so it makes sense, Arthmael
â If the smartest thing is to become the idol of a few starving people in order to be king, I can do it too.
Oh my god, this little brat
He declares that he's going to be a hero, to overshadow the charity of Jacques' family, because heroes are remembered by history while philanthropist aren't
So he plans to become a storybook Prince Charming, saving damsels in distress etc.
Jacques finds this understandably hilarious, the king is not amused
Once Jacques leaves, the king again offers to arrange a marriage to Arthmael, specifically with the princess of Dione
I'm almost tempted. I have never been to Dione, but they say that their ships are the lightest and fastest, and that sailors come to their shores from the other side of the sea, speaking strange languages that only they understand. Who come from lands where women wear short dresses, if they wear anything at all. Places where war is so normal that, as soon as a child is strong enough to pick up a sword, they push him to the front lines.
Alright then, I see what he fixates on
Was there anything wrong with the princess then or?
Barbarians. I remove the thought from my mind.
Oh okay. What a charming young man /s
Dione is like right next to Silfos according to the map btw, is this like one of those neighbourly feuds?
Okay he says it's because he doesn't want a foreign kingdom, he wants to keep his home, which is fair I guess
The king is like what do you want me to do, kill Jacques and his pregnant wife? And Arthmael is just like yeah great idea, because he's a dumbass. The king is like wtf
Apparently Jacques' family is from that Duan city that I noted earlier, and his mother died a few days ago and apparently "her loss is greatly felt"
The king regrets spoiling Arthmael too much, and talks about how Arthmael doesn't understand anything about suffering or anything and only cares about girls
Arthmael is already considering faking his death to make them all feel sorry, because of course he is, he's exactly that kind of guy
He says he doesn't want to go try to charm the princess, he'd rather just go off on his own (also there's a whole bit about how only a man can rule Dione or something and the king of Dione won't accept his daughter to become a ruler)
His dad tells him no, just stay here and be a good boy, don't make everybody gossip about drama in the royal family
Arthmael is like hey you managed to hide your bastard son for years, you can hide my disappearance
They fight a bit more but then Arthmael just storms out, grabs a few things from his room and leaves
a change of clothes, a bag of coins, my sword, and my favourite cloak. I do not need anything else.
Okay then, good luck I guess
To be a hero you only need a brave heart. Or so they say.
I feel like you also need to not be a selfish prick but maybe that's optional
Okay end of first chapter!
Our blorbo seems like a real brat!
But I guess the point is probably that he needs to learn some lessons along the way, or something like that, idk. I'm sure there's a reason for why whoever entered him into the tournament likes him so much
I'm guessing the damsel in distress is not the princess? Probably? She wasn't called a princess anyway. TBH she's the character I'm currently the most curious about. The next chapter is from the point of view of someone called Lynne and I hope that's her. Could be the magician too though I guess? No wait, I think the magician is a guy. Altho idk maybe Lynne could be a guy's name, I don't fucking know.
I'm guessing that Arthmael will try to rescue the damsel so he can be a hero, because that's what heroes are supposed to do, but then it'll go wrong somehow? And then the magician will get involved somehow, I have no clue.
That's all my predictions I suppose. Altho I'm guessing that Jacques might turn out to be a villain somehow, I didn't get the vibe that he was particularly great either, just not as much of a brat as Arthmael, and it would then be something for Arthmael to do when he gets back home. Then again maybe the book will surprise me, who knows. To be honest, it would feel a bit like a cop out if it turns out that the guy he hates actually is evil, but it could be handled well, and it's not like I like Jacques either so far. He seems extremely sus too
No guesses as to what the title refers to yet, it could be anything
Idk, like I said, the damsel's storyline is the one that interests me the most rn, it might actually get me to read further (good job, blurb, you got me)
I still have a surprisingly good amount of the free sample left, there's actually nine chapters here, so idk, maybe I'll keep going? We'll see
I'm pretty happy with how much I was able to follow the text even on my own, altho I definitely had to rely on the translator. I would not have had the patience to try to translate all of this myself. But I definitely understood multiple full sentences! Yaaay xD
Apologies to fans of this book series, I hope I didn't seem too rude
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this is going to be a post about my experience with my gender identity and there's definitely going to be some (a lot of) oversharing so uh... more under the cut??
sometimes i find myself reflecting on how my identity came to be, and the more i think about it, the more i think my mom is very wrong when she says there were "absolutely no signs".
while throughout my childhood i did present very femininely, i remember that ever since i was a little boy i secretly was convinced that one day i would literally just grow a penis. i understood that there was some kind of difference between the genitalia of boys and my own, but i thought it was simply a matter of time and my very own penis would grow in its own time. i started puberty very early on and when my clitoris started enlarging i thought "this is it, it's finally happening".
needless to say it didn't happen. and when a few months later we got our very first sex ed and i learned that i was inevitably going to become a young lady, well... i was devastated. i remember crying on multiple occasions to my mother because i desperately didn't want to go through puberty. having real proper panic attacks about it. i remember the first time a friend commented on my breasts coming in. i remember trying to bind with a headband only to be caught and punished by my mother. i remember getting my first period and doing everything in my power to hide it from her, because as long as she didn't know i could still close my eyes and cover my ears and pray that it would just go away.
even not taking the relationship with my body into account, i was changing my name multiple times a month because mine didn't fit, and i just couldn't figure out what was going on.
all of this long before i even knew that something such as being transgender existed.
i was 13 when i first met a transgender person. as soon as i saw them and i learned who they were, i knew the answer. that was me. that had always been me, indubitably.
it took some time before i actually accepted that in no way i could ever stay alive and be a woman at the same time. when i finally did, that's when my life started getting better. years and years of self hatred found their answer in something so trivial as being a man.
so i think of my mother, who argues that "there were no signs" and still refuses to refer to me by my name and pronouns because she's convinced i'll change my mind (after five years of very much not changing my mind), and i do not know how to feel.
there were so, so many signs. i'm not sure i would even call them signs, it was just me existing after all.
and sure, early signs don't matter and i can still be trans even if nothing pointed to it in the slightest in the past. but also. the signs were there, and i'm very tired of pretending they were not.
i don't know why i'm here posting about all of this. discussing my early view of genitalia and all. i suppose i'm just looking for someone like me, who will make me feel less alone. the "girly girl" who always kept so much of his discomfort to himself.
i am honestly amazed that human beings can experience this kind of feelings over their body and social constructs and... everything, really. it does hurt like hell, sure. but it is incredible how deep of an experience i can have with something as simple as an organ of my body.
anyway. thanks for reading my oversharing. or whatever. goodnight!
#elliot talks#transgender man#transgender#trans man#trans people#gender identity#gender dysphoria#dysphoria#queer#queerness#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtq community#lgbtqia community#transblr#trans
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The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch
Nonspoilery: This is a super fun read that is very much in keeping with how I like my fantasy. I wish it were slightly more on the con man side, but I recognize that those are very difficult to write because one needs to actually be clever enough to come up with the insanely clever plan that unfolds, and, you know what, I'm not there either. But it absolutely is a fun crimey fantasy novel, well written that expects you can actually follow a line of description and maybe even look up a big word, that tries very hard not to bore you with needing to refer to a glossary or map.
I will say, and I'll talk about this more below: There are basically no women in this novel. it's a little disappointing. I still overall think it's worth it if you like this sort of thing though.
SPOILERS BELOW:
THIS is the kind of thing pitchless draw was made for. You could not have talked me into reading this book. Unless you possess an incredible skill--I'm not sure *I* could have talked me into reading this book, and supposedly no one knows me better.
But I did really enjoy myself. This is a flat out FUN novel, that doesn't mind being long but never feels long. I LOVED the long bits of description in this book, I BEG for flavor in some many modern novels that strip away anything that isn't an immediate moving of the ball. Actually, one of the things I would say that's not a criticism so much as a preference, is that I feel like this book, and probably this writer, remembering his short story from Rogues, is more plot-driven than character driven. I am a girl who loves a really interior novel, and this isn't that, but it did not stop me from having a GREAT time. It's a romp.
I like Locke, and his whole backstory. I wish he were a woman. Specifically, I would love to see a femme con artist, second coming of Minako Aino, Becky Sharp ass bitch. THAT would be my dream for Locke Lamora. And I know my friends who have read this book all want butch Locke and I love that for you, and I know y'all have known me long enough to know I love a butch, but I deserve a treat as well, and I LOVE con artists, and goddamnit, if I could change one thing about this novel, Locke Lamora would be a femme lesbian and I would change NOTHING else. You wouldn't even have to. One fo the great things about Lynch not being a real interior writer is literally any of the mains could be a woman and it would change nothing.
This does segue into the big problem here--there's no women in this novel. It's a 700 page book and I could condense the lines said by women into like two or three pages. I actually DO get it. I think we're reaping a little bit of what we've sown, as a community, with the requirement for perfection in our representation that leads to very boring and safe choices. Everyone is a man. We're only swarthy at best. Can't be criticized for bad identity writing if you don't write them at all! ANd this isn't me being salty, I get how that happens, I have also sometimes fallen into making any character of identity boring as fuck or not writing them at all to avoid any criticism. And no one cares about ME, I'm not a best seller. I do think, maybe, people will get better about this. Pendulums and all. I miss the awkward, good faith 90s where you had the United Colors of Benetton and one character who randomly celebrated Hanukkah. We'll see.
ANYHOW NOT RELEVANT. But I do find it irritating that because of this, we don't see women in this huge story at all. None of the gang, even though it would have been easy as fuck to make, say, Bug a girl. Even doing something like making Nazca Barsavi the actual heir apparent, and to have her marrying Locke because she knows he won't try to be Capa, and she'll let him do whatever the fuck he wants, can play the henpecked husband while being the Thorn of Camorr, could be really fun and would do more for Nazca and also play up their friendship. It could make her death mean a lot more, if they were running their own little Barsavi con.
Anyhow, the really fantastic behind the scenes worldbuilding was how I wish more fantasy novels did it. It didn't often try to explain things to me, it spoke as if I mostly understood them, or had cahracters say them in ways that made sense to the story (In this capacity, Lukas Fehrwright is fucking BRILLIANT as Someone That Must Have Camorr Explained). So I didn't feel like I was being sat down and told the history of a place I barely know, while having stupid fucking vocabulary words thrown at me. We never define any physik or magic beyond what needs be done because fuck you that's why. I love it. Thank you for not telling me what alchemical botany can or can't do. Thank you for dropping literally only what I need to kjnow about wraithstone into the plot. You have a crown in heaven.
Or I know I said I wish it would have been more con-ny and less "kill the new mob boss" at the end there, but oh my fuck, how much did I love the whole job at the counting house. I SCREAMED. It was so good, I had no clue where it was going the whole time and I would never have gotten there, but I LOVED it. What a great time.
One...weakness, for me, I guess I'll say, is that lack of interiority makes it hard to really feel the weight of some things. We don't get enough about Galdo, Calo, or Bug to feel anything for them, and I knew Bug was dead from the time he showed up. Actually, I thought we were going to kill jean Tannen, because that was the only relationship REALLY laden with emotional weight in the book. Didn't bother me enough to not recommend the book, as I'm mostly recommending it on fun, but I did notice.
ANYWAY, uh...any specific questions I'm happy to take!
Unfortunately, this means that @verbforverb nabbed me again. So, I had a great time reading the book but at what cost
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Rambles On Femininity And Gender
(Wow this turned out longer than I thought. I guess you're getting some prose/vaguely poetry-esque writing tonight. WARNING: it's all pretty mild, but I do bring up derogatory terms for women, as well as vague references to sex, sexual assault and suicidal ideation.)
*clears throat*
My relationship with my body, and with the idea of being a woman, is so fascinating to me - because for years I did feel like a girl, but when I turned 18 I couldn't call myself a woman. It felt weird. I still can't call myself a woman. But I don't remotely feel like a man, either. I also don't feel comfortable thinking of myself as non-binary or genderfluid. For a long time, I haven't really known what I am.
Lately, I've started to play with the idea of that, and why I feel that way. I was allowed to be a tomboy when I was a kid, to relate to male characters, to help my dad with physical chores since I didn't have brothers - then the moment I turned 13, I needed to wear make-up and act like a lady. But I couldn't draw sexual attention; I had to wear modest clothes, to be gentle enough, to be polite enough, to be the exact right balance of everything.
"Oh, don't wear that," I'd hear, "you don't want to look like...well, never mind." There was an invisible word there that I wasn't old enough to know. I learned it when I went to high school; the word was slut, or some variation of it. And how do you deal with growing up as a girl, when you like playing in the dirt and pretending to be an action hero, but deep down you're also dreaming of being loved? What do you do when the only way to be loved is to abandon all the things you like in service of some person everyone else wants you to be? What do you do when you want to talk to boys, but your friends tell you stories about being sexually assaulted by their boyfriends? What do you do when old men whistle at you, and when the boys you sit in class with say vulgar things about the girls they want to fuck? What do you do when all the adults in your life tell you to look like a lady but not to dress a certain way, not to even think about sex...and on the other side, most girls in your town lose their virginity by age 15?
You are given a choice, essentially, between being fuckable and having autonomy. It sickens me that I even put it into such black and white terms; removed from the environment, I realize how horrible it was that I thought that was so normal. I chose to have autonomy, partially because it seemed safer at the time but also because I had squashed down every ounce of thoughts about sex I'd ever had. It wasn't a woman's job to be interested in sex; it was your job to be interested in having children. But obviously, I wasn't going to even have that, because I'd made painstaking effort to not draw the wrong type of attention. That meant that when I actually drew the right type of attention, when a boy was interested in me, I couldn't recognize it.
When I turned 18, they said "you're a woman now!" Outwardly, I looked like one. But inwardly, I didn't recognize that. I knew what my body was, but that body wasn't a woman.
Eventually, once I got out of that town, I started to change. Sometimes for the better (I made friends who were comfortable with whatever version of me existed, with whom I could embrace whatever side of gender I felt like), and sometimes for the worse (I craved a relationship, so the replacement for that was toxic people that gave me extreme depression to the point of suicidal ideation). And then, after that all passed, it started to hit me that I hadn't kissed or had sex with anyone and I was in my twenties, an old maid by my hometown's standards, so I started going out to bars, putting on a performance, finding a guy here and there to flirt with, and sometimes more than that...but the more men I kissed, the emptier I felt. So I didn't know what to do.
Now, I'm starting to enjoy things I never thought I would. I wear make-up every day, because I like it. I cut my hair short because I wanted to, and now I'm starting to grow it out in a way I think I'll enjoy. I write smut fics, and I enjoy it; it channels something I haven't historically thought about. I like dancing at bars with my friends. I wear things that sometimes show a little too much, that maybe make me look like a slut. I've learned to experience things for my own pleasure. I've learned to watch movies and say, out loud, that guy's hot, and not feel like a shallow teenager for saying it. This might seem really weird to the rest of you; but that's something I've struggled with for my entire life, and even saying that little bit feels like a huge victory. Scratch that, to think about sex at all is a victory.
And the thing about it is that I enjoy it when I'm doing it for myself. I might not have found a boyfriend yet; a depressing part of me thinks that maybe I never will, that I'll just drift through life craving touch and connection and love and not be able to get it. But I do know that when I do those little things, I feel just a bit happier. I like myself just a little bit more, because it helps me to tell myself - I deserve love, I deserve happiness, I deserve to feel pleasure, I deserve to look pretty. I want to be soft, and I don't want to lead all the time, and none of that is going to put me in danger if I find the right person. And it's okay to want it.
If 14-year-old me could see me right now, she'd be betrayed. She'd think, how could you? Don't you still want to be like Indiana Jones? Don't you want to have your own job? And the answer is yes, I do. But maybe I would've liked doing feminine things too, wearing lacy lingerie and low-cut tops and make-up, and flirting with boys, if I hadn't been pressured to do it for someone else's idea of a woman.
I still don't think I can call myself a woman, though. I'm not upset about it in the slightest; it's just probably something that's never going to change.
Now, I don't know if this is a unique experience, or something anyone else can relate to; this is the most personal, in-depth post I've written about myself, but I wrote it partially in the hope that, if this resonates with anyone, it makes you feel seen. Or maybe this really is a completely original experience, and I've just lived a weird, insane life. Either way, it really does help to own up to how I feel and write it out - usually I channel that in fanfiction, but this has been cathartic in a way I never could have imagined.
(Could this have been way shorter? Yes. However, I'm not a concise person, so I don't really care.)
#femininity#feminist#womanhood#gender#tw sexism#tw sui ideation#tw sex mention#I feel so so old sometimes#But I literally just realized all of this like four days ago#So I wanted to journal about it#trauma dumping on tumblr#never fear though I am also going to tell my therapist all of this#I was nervous to post this#but I really just wanted to get it out there#tw sex assault#tw sexualisation
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Sketches of a Caelitran Hymn
i dont actually have anything to preface with. this was all written in the span of a month, and I wanted to challenge myself by writing a novel's worth within that time constraint. if you like fantastical stories and divinity, this might be nice to read. go nuts.
Chapter 1
Death is less than nothing. Death has no reference on which to base nothing on. An empty cupâwhich contains only airâexists in its boundary. At least, that's what I believe it to be.
As my eyes shot open, I could perceive something. The smell of musty wood wafts through my blackened prison as the only noise I can hear is my own breathing. I barely had to move my hands farâmy joints ached with inactivity.
My next impulse was to make as much noise as I could. I slammed my fists against the ceiling of my space as hard as I could. Splinters were the least of my concern. I screamed as loud as I could. Whatever finds me next can fix my hoarse throat later. Beyond that, all I had to do was hope. There's only so much noise you can make with only your body. I was buried with nothing. I don't want to die again.
To the best of my observations, my memories were intact. As I lulled myself into a monotonous routine, I skimmed through my library of thoughts. Everything was intact. It was miraculous to say I've survived without any lasting effects. But why am I alive? I can barely recall any reason for me to live on.
Except the lily.
As soon as my mind locked on to the five-petaled flower, I could hear a metallic clank against the top of my box. Faint sunlight found its way through the cracks of my shoddy coffin. Suddenly, I stopped screaming. The light burned through my retinasâdaylight. My hands fell to my sides as the pain synchronized with my beating heart.
The coffin slowly creaked open. A pair of fingers curled its way through the underside of the lid. As I was acquainted with the dark gray skies, a shaded figure blocked the center of my vision. The sun was fully eclipsed by the man's head. Its radiant rays splayed across his silhouette to form a brief halo.
"Autumn?" I heard them speak, "Is that you?"
Their voice was unrecognizable. I've never heard anyone with the same depth in their voice. Even if there was a faint scratchy nature to their voice, it was almost comforting to hear.
The clouds swallowed the sun whole. The first detail I focused on was their clothes. For someone who knew my name, they wore nothing of familiarity. Their lightly soaked gray jacket limped against their body as they leaned down. The only notable feature I could glean from their face is the brief tuffs of brown hair which poked out from his hoodie.
However, around their neck was a glistening piece of jewelry. A string of fine, golden beads wrapped around a thin string. At the nadir of its craft was a cluster of circles. Ironically, its icon was the only familiar aspect of his appearance.
The Groundskeeper let out a weary sigh. They quickly pulled the shovel out from my grave. Once they reached out their hand, I naturally pushed against the coffin's wooden floor to meet in the middle. Once they held a firm grasp on me, the Groundskeeper fixed their posture as they tugged me out from my hole.
It was hard to pull my attention to reality. My mind wandered off and clung to facts about graveyards. People who tend to cemeteries are typically called Groundskeepers. Their main goal is to keep the land tidy and to rescue those who were buried alive. Or, in my case, revived. Every grave has a dowsing wand which detects your soul. These wands are notorious for how unpredictable they can be. Without any known cause, they'll continuously ping off a signal. To adapt to this, graveyards were built where these signals were the lowest. This alleviated much of the Groundskeeper's job.
Thinking on it now, I may know the reason why these rods went off at random.
"Ah, you're probably not the woman I'm looking for." Their voice snapped me out of my wandering daze. "You've been preserved well. Nice set of clothes, smooth skin; I'd never guess you died to begin with."
I saw their mouth widen. They were happy with their little remark. On top of their grin, I can faintly hear a sharp exhale of air break against their teeth. They continued on. "The wildlife did a number on you, though. Coffin's made of cheap wood and it doesn't has a wand. Maybe you're a dryad? Maybe you're from the Woodlands. "
The Groundskeeper reached down to brush off the loose fauna off my body. Even as he worked to clean off the leaves, he resumed his monologue after a brief pause.
"If you lived in the Woodlands, then how did you end up here?"
I wasn't sure where the Woodlands was in relation to where I was now. The only hints which clued me in were the darkened skies and the open horizon. I couldn't see any mountains or giant trees. All I could glance was a quaint village a few long minutes away. It never hurt to ask. "Where is here?"
"Where is here? Don't you know what town we're in?"
"No, I don't. I just woke up."
"Right, I should've guessed that."
All I could muster myself to do in the moment was to roll my eyes.
"You're at the Temple Coasts. It's a small port village near the Ampersandi Latitude. More generally, you're in the Crown."
"The Crown, of course. Honestly, I should've known with how barren these fields are."
"That's what I like! You've got the nice, open countryside to your beck and call. I used to call this place home thirty years back."
Thirty years ago? The idea of the Groundskeeper's age struck me. Was he in his 40s?
"Right, I'm supposed to do a mental check with returners. Let's start off simple. What's the full name of the Crown?"
"Crown of the World."
"Great! And what continent is the Crown of the World part of?"
"Caelitra."
"So far so good. What's the current age we're in?"
"Age of Heroes. One hundred years after the Age of Legends and One thousand years after the Age of Myths."
"At least you weren't dead for long. What year is it?"
My mind stumbled.
"Wait, that's not a good test. When did you die?"
"One thousand two hundred five years After Catastrophe."
"Well, that's convenient. You've been dead for thirty years then."
It took me a moment to process what they said. Thirty years? That would make the current year 1235 AC.
"What's your name, again? Sorry, I didn't catch it the first time around."
"Oh, my name's Autumn."
I saw their body quickly tense up. Even as their face was enshrouded in shade, it almost felt like I startled them.
It took them a minute to fully compose themselves. From the recesses of their coat's pockets, they pulled out a pocket-sized book with the words INFINITUM TABULA engraved on its burgundy cover.
"Okay, so you're the person I'm supposed to be looking for." The Groundskeeper let out a sigh of relief. "Good! This makes my life ten thousand times easier."
Distant thunder echoed as he swept through his pocket book. Off by the horizon was a faint streak of lightning. It's form was near perpendicular to the ground. After it touched down, heavy rainfall engulfed the surrounding area in a translucent curtain of downpour.
The Groundskeeper swiftly brought their hand up without warning. In a quick strike, he struck the tip of their middle finger against their thumb in a snap. "I should've asked you if you know who Skymarcher is, but I think that's common knowledge by now."
I raised an eyebrow in response. The name was familiar. I couldn't pin the reason why.
"Did you know they used to name large structures after him before the Catastrophe? They taught me that while I was in training as an altar boy."
There was nothing of value in his words. I may be a sucker for information, but it was hard for me to believe in some words from a stranger.
"Right, well," The Groundskeeper continued, "I'm sure you'd like to hear the bad news first. From what I've been told about you..."
His voice trailed off. A few seconds passed before I heard a repeated set of loud clicks with his wrinkled hands placed upon the forefront of my vision.
I couldn't tell if he was mad or playing with me. "Hey, look at me. Not the rainstorm. If I'm about to hand over the biggest news of your life, I don't want them to be distracted. Look at me."
Begrudgingly, I fixed my attention from the rainstorm back to the Groundskeeper. It was hard to pinpoint an emotion with his oversized hoodie.
Despite his shaded visage, I could feel his stare pierce through my soul. "This isn't your world. You never existed."
Again, another dubious fact. I audibly scoffed as the idea quickly passed through my mind. However, I felt his hand clasp against my shoulder.
"You were never born," The Groundskeeper spoke with a low, monotone inflection, "No one knows who you are, not even your friends. If it wasn't for me, you'd be completely alone in your new life."
Still, nothing. I mustered up the fakest look of horror I could spread across my face. He seemed to buy it well enough to switch topics. "Now I have to know, what did you see when you died? Was it pitch black? Was there a heaven? From the way He spoke of you, I don't think you would've seen a heaven."
"Hey!" I tensed my fingers up as I raised my hand. After a second of thought, my hand immediately stopped and slowly lowered back down to my side. "You might be right. I'm not sure heaven looks like what I had to go through."
"Oh? Do continue. I think I've heard one part of the story through Him."
The scenery was too surreal to forget. There's a tale that floats around about what happens after you're brought back to life. Some recount seeing some form of afterlife while others think of an infinite crystalline labyrinth. I've always suspected it to be a mental delusion. With fleeting oxygen, blood, and energy; your brain panics. A miasma of memories floods your senses before it entombs you in a belief of where you should end up. A second drags on forever, your brain preserves itself up until it decays away.
While it's a comforting belief, it's not true.
I distinctly remember the jarring switch between warm sunlight to an unfathomable twilight. A deluge of frigid colors dot the sky surrounding a plethora of juxtaposed sceneries. It was hard to pinpoint where I was. Every celestial body our ancestors discovered laid themselves out in a disjunct splay of discord.
The castle was gone. A barren path of disjointed grounds wound itself around an infinite pillar. Men and symbols alike ran up its glossy design. Gilded veins wrapped itself around the structure line vines. Its pumping blood could be heard even from a hundred meters away. I couldn't fathom where either side went.
There was nothing to think about on the journey upward. Translucent fog obscured the ends of the pole no matter which way I looked. Occasionally, a primordial beast bowed itself into the limits of my vision with its unfathomable structure. I couldn't check my surroundings often. Straying my eyes from the winding path gave me vertigo.
Fragments of reality strung itself along the beaten path. A cascade of stories played out from the peripherals of my vision. None of them were mine. Soon, they formed a pattern. Every tale was of betrayal. An illuminant figure hung high in the sky with their commands and desires. Every figureâshrouded in the darkness of his lightâheld their left hand behind their back with their fingers crossed.
A reverberant boom echoed from one of the memories. A distorted gaze of multicolored noise engulfed the view whole as a resonant tone poured out from its frame.
Strayed from the winding path was a towering mansion. Its bending spires held beacons of light which brightened the path ahead. Shaded figures dance within the windows of the palace. It was hard to tell if this was another memory or the right place to be. It felt wrong intruding on the abandoned lot. Splintered wood gradually fills the path up to the main gateway. Every ten or so steps a plank snaps underneath my weight.
The iron fence barely held itself shut. A simple tug was enough to separate the gate down the middle. The mansion's defenses were almost non-existent. For every barrier which beckoned me to leave, it held no power in staking its claim.
As I entered the mansion's interior, a garden of foliage connected the outside world to a sterile lab. Rows of vines with blossomed lilies cling themselves to the abandoned room. All the posters and warning signs were torn and covered by the invading flora.
In the center of the room was a large, obsidian obelisk. A litany of runes ran across its sleek finish. Its design invited me to look down toward its nadir. Underneath the large stalactite was a pedestal of gold. Its finish was less defined as the pillar and the obelisk. For a simple plate and its carved hand, the sculpt was without intricacy.
While I pondered its design, a voice boomed from the room's recesses, "You failed."
In the moment, I couldn't pinpoint where the source of the noise was. As I frantically scanned my head around the room, a towering figure slowly approached from the same shadows.
A man with tattered clothes ambled out with his hand firmly grasped against the railing of the room's catwalk. I could hardly peel my eyes away from his roughened skin. Underneath his frayed, blue coat is his near-charred skin. His eyes were covered by the shade of his hood, yet his scorched mouth hung in disappointment.
"Arrogance has drowned your heart and lined your soles." He spoke with a raspy, broken tone. "Your greed anchors what little buoyancy you have in this life."
And then, he stopped. Once he reached the end of the catwalk, he stood with his gaze fixed upon me. We were almost level. Only a few feet of elevation separated us. I had to look up toward him.
With a swift slam, his fingers quickly coiled around the platform's rusted railing. "Betrayal comes naturally to your kind. I find it quite disheartening. Where's your obedience? Have you no respect for your creator?"
The man was without a lip. His face was nothing more than a thinly-shielded skull. Alongside his bony hands were skeletal limbs. And yet, he looked almost identical to my closest companion.
"He saw something in you, I know it." The skeleton raised his hand to meet against the underside of his chin. "There's something about his attention to detail even I can't comprehend. Your existence was a mistake. There were corrections to be made.
"Oh, mortality. The flings of lesser life. Such a manipulable tool. In the echelons of divinity will similar actions cause whalefalls. The philosophy of destiny falls deaf upon his sensitive ears. Always a reason. Always a way."
With the aid of the railing, he slowly turned his back to me. As my mind raced to find an answer to his twisting words, he spoke his final line, "No, I think it's time. Give that selfish hag the position she deserves. I've given her unneeded strife. If that's what he desires, then so be it."
And then, he left. As soon as he left my sight, I woke up in my coffin.
Relaying this information to the Groundskeeper was tough. There were hardly enough words to describe the alien landscape. As I described the skeleton, the Groundskeeper winced in reaction.
"Ah," he remarked, "That would explain it. You met Skymarcher."
Skymarcher, the Avatar of Reality. He's the oldest deity I've known of. I've heard stories of his visage and his symbols. Despite the numerous tales spun around him, none described him as a huskâa glorified skeleton.
Soon after, the Groundskeeper waved his hand forward as he turned his body toward the distant village. His attention remained on me as he beckoned, "Come! I'm sure you have a lot to say. I have some friends I'd like to acquaint you with."
There wasn't much of an option to say no. Even as I pondered the option, I realized the weight of the Groundskeeper's words were. There was nothing left for me. I can only go so far alone. I've already learned that the hard way.
Chapter 2
The Groundskeeper led me through the bustling streets of Temple Coast. Swarms of people carrying an assortment of items organized themselves in flowing rivers of footwork. We found ourselves in the thick of the town's business. Street vendors of varied backgrounds line across the pavement with their rambunctious calls.
"You know, on second thought," The Groundskeeper spoke as he led me through the city, "Maybe I should've waited an hour or so. Ah, it's fine. Everyone's all waiting for us anyway."
I was puzzled by what he meantâeveryone? The implication of the phrase stuck with me as we continued to swim through the school of shoppers.
It's almost jarring to be back in your hometown. I remember the towering walls of the downtown area. Even if they were multistory buildings, the view felt more grandiose than it should be. I know the streets by memory. I remember the sunny weekends spent simply roaming around. It's a small job I can't easily replicate.
The Groundskeeper led me to a small building with a sign reading INN BETWEEN overhead. The description itself felt apt considering the location of the inn. The layout of the city sections off buildings in a grid system. With the pattern of buildings, the Inn Between situates itself right where a road should be.
I was immediately greeted with a cacophony of chatter. Transitioning from the hollering vendors to the cheering patrons was rough to acclimate to. Similarly, the still air of the inn's interior reminded me how easily I ignored the gusty winds outside.
There wasn't much time for me to scan every individual in the room. As soon as the Groundskeeper brought me to the front of the tavern, he'd give a few hearty knocks against the polished wood counter alongside a resonant call, "Hey Bartender, I'm back from my graveyard shift!"
As I sat down by the bar, I placed my attention toward the ends of the bar. Even if I was familiar with this town, I've never thought of entering here. If anything, I don't remember this bar existing to begin with.
Soon, my eyes met with a quaint figure placed upon the myriad of assorted alcohol. As his slender fingers glossed over the inside of one of the plethora of dirty mugs left in the sink, his own attention diverted from his work and centered toward us. With a light sigh, the Bartender placed the mug and cloth down on the counter as he walked over.
His appearance was one I particularly expected from his profession. With his thick brown jacket, white undershirt, and red tie, the absence of any wrinkles or patches almost intrigued me. His frizzled, yellow hair left a natural shade underneath which reached down toward his pointed nose.
As he spoke, his voice held a mellow and relaxed quality. His speech remained monotone with his inflections thin. "Welcome back, Ozymandias. I'd be right to assume the woman to your right was a corpse you found earlier?"
"Well, she doesn't look much like a corpse!" the Groundskeeper returned, "Her grave was unmarked, though. I had to shake her name out of a mental acuity test."
"As always." The Bartender remarked with a sigh.
I remained silent during their conversation. After they both concluded, the Bartender leaned down against the counter of the table as he squinted directly at me.
"Mandy." His voice was sharp. "This looks just like my mother. Are you playing some kind of joke on me?"
The GroundskeeperâOzymandiasâleaned over to squint towards me as well. After a second, he'd return back to his previous position with a smile on his face. "I've seen your mother before, she doesn't remotely look like her. Especially not in this light."
Before I could even register what happened, I heard a loud whack followed by a faint yelp. The Bartender had his hand outstretched and in place while Ozymandias cowered down toward the counter.
Afterward, the sole employee let out another sigh as he leaned on the table once more. "Point still stands."
Ozymandias grits his teeth and forcefully exhales. "Point taken."
"Moving on. Didn't you say your friends would be over here soon?"
"Well, yeah. I think that changed though. Hold on." Ozymandias fished his hand within the coat of his pocket. Once he grabbed hold of his pen and Tabula, he'd quickly flip through a set of pages before landing on an arbitrary point.
The Groundskeeper stopped for a moment. As his eyes scanned across the Tabula's yellowed paper, he'd rapidly click against the activating mechanism of his pen.
"Ballpoint pens," The Bartender remarked, "Sonata's most prized invention."
"Pre-Sonatan." Ozymandias quipped.
"Like there's much of a difference nowadays."
"Of course there's a difference! The Sonatans were Post-Catastrophe and the Pre-Sonatans were Pre-Catastrophe!"
"Look me dead in the eyes and tell me when this'll ever be applicable."
Ozymandias quickly lifted his eyes out of his book and snapped his attention toward the Bartender.
"What, do you think anything matters past the Age of Heroes?"
"I'd like to think there's a few stragglers of prior generations that'd sure love to know their history hasn't eroded in the sands of time."
"You do you, Mandy. There's no mortal Sonatan left to cater to."
As much as the Bartender is right, Ozymandias' sentiment sticks with me a little more.Â
I've yet to brush up on my Legend History as of late, but I know the Sonatans were direct ancestors of us. It's more of a distinction than an evolutionary trait. If I recall correctly, the term was coined by Sol Invictus a few years after the Kingdom of Sol was situated off the coast of Caelitra.
In his terms, a Sonatan is a human which lived at all between the Catastrophe and the Restructuring. Or, in years, zero to a thousand years after the Catastrophe.
"Ah, you know what? We've got time." The Groundskeeper stashes away his pen and Tabula. "So, Autumn, do you have any interesting stories about your past? Did you have a good childhood? Great friends?"
I raised my torso up and shifted around in the seat. Once I was comfortable, I relaxed my body and released my shoulders. "Depends, how much time do we have until your friend gets here?"
"Could be ten minutes. Could be an hour. I'm sure you've got something to say given your origin!"
It's strange to think I was born more than twenty years ago. Two decades have passed, and I can only remember a tenth of that time. I was born in Temple Coast to a loving family. My mother was an active member of the city's committee while my dad was a freelance blacksmith. It baffles me when I think about their clashing careers sometimes.
I only knew them as individual people in my later years. All I wanted to learn from them was their care and support. Frankly, I can't really blame myself, but I do feel a shred of guilt whenever I think about it. They met during the annual Dark Moon festival. When I heard how they bonded, it felt almost cliche. While they had different ambitions, their interests aligned quite well.
Sometimes, they'd fight. There wasn't anything too rash, but I remember it always scared me. Growing up, I just knew that was kind of natural. More often than not I heard their screaming as opposed to their apologies.
Besides my parents, I had a friend throughout my childhood who I often played with. His name was Caesar. We met in the town square while our parents were shopping for groceries. I laughed at how bright his blue jacket was, and that was enough to intrigue both of our parents. I'm not sure how long they talked for, but we had the option to either sit around or talk ourselves.
Caesar was an offshoot of royalty. While his family weren't direct lineages, they lived a quaint life by the coast to live for themselves. While they were isolated, they were quite religious. Caesar's father held sermons and performed miracles in the name of Skymarcher. His mother led the choirs in hymns and tunes after studying at the Invictus Institute.
Neither of them lived on a salary, last I recall. They refused donations and monetary support from the community. However, they did accept a hefty sum from a distant patron. Caesar never told me what his parents did with the money, but their wardrobe and commodities rarely��if they everâchanged.
I used to wonder from which royalty they came from. As much as they preached the name of Skymarcher, I always saw a few icons of Invictus strewn around the house. In scriptures, it's often depicted the two deities were known to be close. However, I rarely saw Caesar or his parents talk much of Invictus.
Life rarely differed during my childhood. Every week started with our shopping errands. Around the same time every day after was spent learning. History and theology were taught in tandem. Mathematics and science were paired as well. Often, we received a very general overview of what was needed in day to day lifeâhow to properly budget your finances, the history of Temple Coast, and gardening to name a few.
Magic and combatâas we liked to call itâweren't taught for safety reasons. A number of parents wished to educate us on the topics to further prepare us, but a group of similar proportions felt the opposite. To remedy this, it was taught as a separate school altogether. Caesar and I never took these classes, but I remember the fun stories our peers told us about.
I used to have a younger brother, as well. He was very interested in chemistry and anything related to alchemy. His room was filled from top to bottom with various charts and landmark figures of their fields. It was almost overwhelming to see a book's worth of words sprawled across a little kid's wall.
Specific topics like chemistry were reserved only for apprentice-like positions. I remember certain careers like fishers or explorers were common among Temple Coast. Magic was rarely taught. Every few years, a traveling band of professionals scouted out potential students to train. Despite Caesar's eagerness, he was never chosen.
I never showed much interest in any specific trade. Magic rarely intrigued me, and any form of combat made me squeamish. Caesar, on the other hand, was a proficient diviner. His devotion to Skymarcher outmatched that of his own father's.
I remember the day in which Caesar was gifted his powers. Before this, all he could do was tirelessly pray and sacrifice in his name. Of course, the sacrifices weren't of any harm. Whenever he had the option to help others over himself, Caesar typically favored giving something of his when it benefited others the most. This included his time, his clothes, and even sometimes his food.
He was the first person to break the news to. With a stone in his hand, Caesar effortlessly dug his fingers within the stone and displaced the material as if it were clay. With the same rock, he sculpted the very mask depicted on Skymarcher. Two large holes for eyes sat upon the middle, with a large snout extruding in the middle. Various jagged points stuck out the top like ears and fluff. It was similar to a Pre-Sonatan animalâa canine to be precise.
"This was the mask He wore when He visited," Caesar added, "Except, it was a lot more orange."
Sometimes, I questioned if I was destined for anything. Everyone around me had some sort of innate gift or undying passion that they were born with. I had no interest in combat or in any sort of magic. My body barely produced enough Ichor to facilitate any form of magic.
When I was about sixteen, he led me to his forge and brought out a small briefcase. Engraved on a small gold plating were the words PROPERTY OF PARABELLUM. As he placed his hands upon the latches, he looked me in the eyes and warned me.
"This is ancient technology," He sternly confided, "We don't know what it does, but it will help in an emergency."
Inside was a large device smoothened with steel. Two canisters of shining blue liquid stuck out from the main structure. My father told me it was a Blight-Energy Laser, or a BEL for short. He stowed it away within a small part of his forgery, and I rarely thought about it since.
Life, otherwise, remained mundane. If everything continued as it should've, I would've been on track to take on the family business. I was reluctantly showing an interest in weapon smithing, and my brother wanted to leave to study alchemy at Southern Crown University. Caesar was on his way to priesthood considering his extraordinary progress. He would've been the youngest appointed priest to date.
My mother, for the last few weeks I knew her, grew stressed. Every night she'd come home concerned and agitated. It was hard to deal with, but she insisted that we needed to move soon. My father was against the idea on concerns with his forge. Even if they were to agree, they were both split on where to move. My mother knew of Caesar's connections, so they could land a stable job and place of residence within the boundaries of the Kingdom of Sol. My father, on the other hand, wanted to move to the Heartland for its opportunities and growing need for weapon smiths. However, they both agreed anywhere east of the Heartland was too dangerous to settle in.
Unfortunately, we ran out of time. On the dawn of the Dark Moon festival, a group of army men stormed our city and pillaged it for all it was worth.
I vividly remember waking up that day. Before the sun woke me up, my mother frantically shook me awake with a bag of supplies in her hand. As soon as I was awake, she dragged me down to the forge where my father and brother were already hunkered down in.
As I laid silent behind the anvil, I kept my sights solely on my parents. Looking out toward the exit only filled me with dread. There was nothing I could do but wait.
My father held the BEL steady. He was anticipating any of the troops to barge in at any moment. While he stood at the ready, my mother beckoned for me and my brother to come closer. She explained the plan to us in a hushed voice. Because of the army's affiliations, Caesar's familyâand anything of theirsâwas to be left alone. If we were to survive, it was through their protection.
Once everything drew silent, my brother's eyes began to swell. He buried his face deep in my mother's arms as he tried his best to silence his cries. It was hard to watchâI didn't understand what was happening.
The troops found our house. They broke down the doors and busted the locks. I heard their footsteps scamper all around the house. The forge wasn't hard to miss. A large, stone brick chamber jutting from a wooden cabin wasn't easy to hide. Despite this, the forge was the last place they checked. They all gathered by the door and broke it open in tandem.
My father immediately opened fire. A purple streak of energy broke against the troop's head as a light crackle of energy pulsed around his body. Of course, he got lucky. My mother took up a nearby hammer and ran toward the group. Together, they were barely able to incapacitate most of the soldiers there.
As we fled our house, I caught a glimpse of their crest and titles. On their hearts was a golden circle with a line struck through the top. From what I knew, this was the Goddess Fortuna's symbol. It made sense as to why Caesar's family would be spared from this attack. Underneath their crest, however, was the title VEINFINDER. All the soldiers held a number of stars with the same designation.
As we made a break for the church, my brother accidentally tripped on a small step down the pathway and fell on his face. Before I could even look back, my mother ushered me forward while my father stayed back. That was the last time I saw either of them.
Once we were inside, we both noticed the statues and stained glass which lined the walls. A small organ sat behind the decorated pew with a row of risers to the right. It was hard to ignore how packed the church was. All the rows were filled to the brim with people. It was hard to drown out the sound of screaming toddlers and crying children.
I met up with Caesar by the front. We both went in for a hug which nearly broke both of our ribs. As he smiled at my arrival, I noticed the streaks of dried tears on his cheeks. We both sat down on the stairs near the altar while we both watched the back of the building. Something told me this wasn't the endâit would be too easy to stuff the city inside the church.
Unfortunately, I was correct. A group of Veinfinders broke the carved wooden doors with a metallic battering ram. As they casted the large hunk of metal to the side, they all brought out their own type of firearms and aimed it at the crowd. I wasn't able to tell what it was, but there weren't any cylinders of shining liquid sticking out.
The church went into a frenzy. A cacophony of wails and screams erupted as many groups attempted to escape. Two powerful booms echoed throughout the church, silencing everyone in fear.
"The Ichor was a lie," The leader yelled, "Everyone exit the church in an orderly fashion or we will use lethal force."
Outside the church doors were a row of wagons. As each person exited the church, they were either tied up or set free. At first, I couldn't tell what fashion they were separating everyone in. However, as soon as we drew closer to the Veinfinders, I heard their question without answer, "State your devotion."
Those who were let free showed a small pendantâa valuable item which bore the same Circle of Myths around Ozymandias' neck. Caesar had one as well. I was out of luck.
As we were a few moments away from being separated, Caesar leaned over and whispered in my ear, "State the phrase, 'Me, Myself, and I'."
Once the guards let the person in front go, they blocked the way as the leader pierced his irritated gaze my way.
"State your devotion," he demanded.
I could feel a lump in my throat form as I mulled over the phrase. Every second felt like hell as my body trembled in fear. Eventually, I mustered out the phrase in stutters, "Me, Myself, and I."
"Church of Skymarcher. Leave, and do not bother our men."
Even as I was sent free, all the tension in my body remained as I walked out. My motherâwho I separated from as we were quickly drawn into linesâwas sent off to the wagons. I stood near the rest of the spared men.
Caesar left unscathed. While I knew how scared he was, his body was relaxed. He walked over in a slow tempo as he took deep breaths to calm himself down.
The Veinfinders evacuated the church with haste. A few members raised their hands up and gave signals to the wagons ahead. As the final family boarded on the crowded carriage, I slowly turned toward Caesar with horror in my eyes.
"What'll happen to them?" I whispered.
Caesar shook his head solemnly, "Not even Skymarcher knows."
Afterward, a group of soldiers walked up to Caesar with their hands to their side. The man on the right spoke with a concentrated tone, "Paragon Sol Invictus demands your presence at once. Travel and accommodations will be paid for by the Toru estate through the aid of the Golden Fox."
I watched his calmed demeanor spark to fear. The news caught him off guardâenough to make him stammer. "Can I bring my curate along on the journey? She's required in mobile rituals."
"I'll notify Paragon Sol Invictus."
Caesar was extraordinarily charismatic. Even if he was caught off-guard, his words were adhered to without question. I wasn't sure if he found a way to augment his speech with Ichor, or if it was a skill taught to him through his training.
One wagon remained in place. It was a carriage with the symbol of a nonagon with sun rays emanating from the center placed upon the backsideâSol Invictus. The remaining Veinfinders left alongside their acquired prisoners.
Ash and soot made its way into my nose. Its putrid stench jolted me out of my fear and out to observe the rest of the village. Most of the town was in flames. Kiosks and carriages were beaten and casted aside. Spills of garbage littered the streets, allowing for flames to cross along the pavements.
As I scanned the remains of the town, Caesar firmly placed both of his hands upon my shoulders and turned me around. He tilted his head downward, looking up into my eyes as he choked back a round of tears.
"We're going to find your mother." I could hear the mucus drowning parts of his speech. "She's going to be okay. We will find your mother. We'll find your father. We'll find your younger brother Benny as well. They'll all be okay."
I forgot about my brother. While the village burned down, I thought of his preparations for Southern Crown.Â
Afterward, I nodded back to Caesar. I didn't have the energy to say anything more. I knew if I opened my mouth, I'd be an emotional mess. It was hard enough to fight back the building flood of tears.
Caesar loosened his hands and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Come on, it'll be alright. Invictus will help us."
Most of my childhoodâup until the day the Veinfinders cameâwas okay. I couldn't ask for anything more from my parents. From Caesar, as well. I was surprised with how caring he's been throughout my life. While reciting this all to Ozymandias and the Bartender, it dawned on me now how little I've expressed my gratitude to him.
"So you're an orphan?" A feminine voice broke me out of my mind's eye. "That blows. Did you ever find your parents? Were they eccentric with where they grew their flowers as well?"
"Miyana!" Ozymandias barked, "Give her some time to breathe! When did you get here anyway? I didn't hear you walk in."
The Bartender let out another sigh as he spun his finger in circles. "It was during the part where she entered the church. I'm surprised none of you noticed."
My attention was already fixed on the newcomer. I furrowed my eyebrows at Miyanaâhow did I not notice her walk in?
"Well, you know me and my first impressions," Miyana let out a scoff as she reached an idle hand over to her stowed-away blade, "I know more about this corpse than she knows about me. Ain't that right, Mandy?"
Ozymandias rolled his eyes in response.
"Right, well! Looks like I have to do all the work around here," The newcomer extended her arm out toward me with an outstretched hand, "The name's Miyana d'Izune. Born and raised in the Izune Mountaintops. Best strategist in Caelitra, best in the Council, and second best swordswoman in Caelitra. Pleasure to meet you, Sforzando."
"Sforzando?" I sheepishly replied, "How do you know my last name?"
"Mandy's got a reputation for his loose lips. He talked all about you even if the old porcelain doll we have at the base couldn't glean any information off the archives."
"Right, I should've guessed that. Who's the best swordswoman in Caelitra?"
"Ravsangal."
Miyana spoke with malice. Her voice lowered near a growl as her eyes narrowed off toward the distance.
In fear, I slowly extended my hand out and shook her hand. "Well, it's nice to meet you Miss d'Izune."
Miyana had a strange design to her. She wore various green silks and gowns as an outward layer. Inside, she wore a white undershirt similar to the Bartender's with a pair of gray slacks. She had a set of pink eyes which matched the same intensity of her shoulder-length hair. It was better to call her an art teacher than a skilled swordswoman.
Ozymandias sat himself up from his seat and clapped his hands together. "Well! We best get a move on, then. I know you wanted to get some drinks, Miyana, but I think it's best we head back early before we have to deal with the approaching storm."
"Oh, don't worry about the storm," Miyana flicked her hand and scoffed, "Hey Bartender! Can we get a few rounds of gin? I know Mandy hates the taste of 'em!"
It was hard to pin down what Miyana was like. I drew a blank at her affiliations; the only symbol I had to work with was her golden moon beads. Neither Fortuna, Skymarcher, or Sol Invictus aligned themselves with the moon. Maybe I was thinking too hard. Afterall, I've spoken a mouthful about the divine already. I might as well enjoy the drinks while they're free.
Chapter 3
The mid-afternoon sun soon found its home below the horizon. One by one, a collective of stars blink upon the clear night sky. Behind those stars was the quilted blanket of night. The homogenous sky only persisted throughout the daytime. Once the sun's radiant light fled, all we were left with were various shades of purple and black held together by a golden string.
There wasn't much scenery within the tavern, however. I would often look up and out to catch a sliver of its patchwork. It was a nice distraction from my new companions. Ten emptied glasses surrounded Ozymandias and Miyana. After the first pint, my conversations and attention gradually shifted toward the Bartender.
"Not much of a drinker, are you?" As he served another round to the group, he focused his words on me, "That's alright if you aren't. Mandy wasn't sure of your personal hobbies."
We spoke on a variety of topics. While he didn't divulge much of his life, the Bartender did mention his interests in secondary education. "I had it all planned outâsix years learning as much as I can. An apprentice showed up months before I left, however. I took up the opportunity of learning about the fine arts of alcohol instead."
The duo occupied themselves in various vocal activities. One minute, they'd run their mouths on just about anything. The next, they'd bust into song singing anything folk. I cowered in my enclosed space, attempting to separate myself from them as much as I can.
The Bartender didn't seem to care. Neither did anyone around. Eventually, I figured out I was only drawing more attention to myself.
As he returned back to our side of the counter with two mugs filled to the brim with craft beer, he performed the same check-up routine. However, the Bartender reached down into his suit and opened his own Tabula. "I don't think neither Mandy or Miyana plan to leave anytime soon. They wanted you to meet everyone else, though."
"Ah, fantastic." I didn't have much else to do. I expected myself to hunker down in the same chair until sunrise.
"If this type of environment isn't for youâand I don't blame you if soâI can call up their 'designated driver', so to say."
"I'd prefer that."
A few minutes passed by. Ozymandias occupied his time by talking about his services as an altar boy. Once the driver was here, the Bartender caught my attention and diverted it toward the tavern's front window.
After I said my goodbyes to the three of them, I walked out from the tavern to the sight of a strange feat of technology. Seated at the front of the contraption was a strange scooter with a sleek design. Horizontal blue lines ran across the bottom edge of the vehicle as a visible gap persisted between the ground and the vehicle itself. A smooth marble finish covered most of the surface, with the exception of two gray handles.
Attached to the scooter is a set of three teacup-shaped pods with a similar material palette. Inside the modules was a leather seat alongside a few amenities such as a cup holder. A small dome of glass topped off the strange pod to create a small bulb.
The driver of this strange set of pods was adorned in gaudy clothes. Adorned on his head was a poofy hat with a strange feather which stuck out from the top. A similar, larger feather stuck out from the back of his brown jacket. The driver wore a white undergarment underneath. His pants were similar in color to his jacket. A set of diamond knee pads separated the two contrasting tones of brown.
What stuck out to me the most was his face. Underneath his goofy hat was a large tuff of yellow hair and a set of similar colored eyes. I couldn't help but shake the idea that I've seen someone like him before.
With an outstretched arm, his driver waved toward the cluster of pods before he spoke, "Enter one of the pods. I will collect Ozymandias and Miyana later in the night."
His voice didn't sit with me well. While it sounded almost human, there was no mistaking its rigid nature and synthesized vocals. What added to the discomfort was how smooth his skin was. I'd at least expect a few blemishes or imperfections rather than a homogenous finish.
Once I sat down in one of the pods, the overhead door sealed me inside. I barely felt any sort of acceleration. There was a simple tug and nothing more. Looking out to the other pods, they seemed to keep in a small group together relatively well. There wasn't anything that tethered them to each otherâor to the scooter, for that matter.
A faint ding made itself apparent, alerting me of a small speaker placed near the cupholder of the bulb. Soon after, it projected a grainy voice into the pod. "So, you must be Autumn Sforzando. I'm surprised at the specificity of a last name."
Looking forward, I didn't see any type of device on the driver's body. With a few glances back and forth, I located a small button next to the speaker and pressed upon it.
My attention was toward the driver. "Yeah, that's kind of spooky."
"Of course, last names are more of a custom above all." His mouth remained shut. "They're a distinction of origin, if anything more."
His body barely moved an inch as he spoke. On his side, there was no button he needed to press. It was almost jarring to hear him speak to meâeven when it was his own voice.
I contorted my body to return back to a comfortable seating position before talking to the speaker, "So, how are you speaking to me? Is this pre-recorded? How much of this whole introduction have you three planned?"
"Four," he corrected, "These relay machines were built with convenience in mind. My mouth is nothing more than a cosmetic speaker."
"Cosmetic speaker? Do you just think and whatever comes to mind is transmitted?"
"More or less. My thoughts can be deciphered in a cohesive language whereas yours are a series of slime and shock without rhyme or reason."
Even if the driver couldn't currently see me, I squinted at the speaker in silence.
"I'm sure neither of the two caught you up on this, but I'm a construct of machine and emotion. Everyone calls me by my abbreviated project designation, Solis."
âProject designation Solis? Does that mean anything in specific?
âItâs an acronym. Iâd rather not elaborate. Any other source on its meaning is fair game.â
âRight, I wonât budge then.â
An artificial stench stained the interior. I couldnât tell if it was attempting to replicate a bakery or a specific pastry. Attempting to find an answer to this question wore the scent away from my attention.
I remember the wagon ride out from the Temple Coast. Caesar and I were both confused as to why we needed to travel by land when the sea was an hour away.
As we saw our town fall farther below the horizon, a pit formed in my stomach. The city was built upon lumber. With how close it was to the Ampersandi Pits, we found a way to work with an abundance. Now, seeing the pillars of smoke coalesce into one, it never sat right with me.
âWhy did they burn it all down?â I couldnât peel my eyes from the vanishing inferno.
For once, I heard Caesarâs voice divorced from his usual jovial spirit. âI donât know, Autumn. War never makes sense.â
âWhy did they take everyone away? Why were we chosen by belief?â
âCollateral, I would assume. Someone promised Ichor through conquest. Something went wrong down the chain of communication, I know it.â
I pressed my fingertips against the carriage window. A cold sensation ran through my fingers as I peeled away my hand. Five translucent prints sustained themselves among the glass before fading away.
âThe relations between the worshippers of Skymarcher and Fortuna are growing. It would look bad on their part if we were included in their hostages.â
âSo theyâve been left to fend for themselves?â
âAs far as we know, yes. I pray the flames will aid as signals of distress.â
Thirty years pass with one less person in the world, and the lights of the Temple Coast glow brilliant. I placed my cheek upon the warm glass with my eyes fixed on the fading city. Even as I pushed myself upon the bulb, I couldnât feel any vibrations or contact with the ground. Iâve drowned out the idle whir of the scooterâs engine long ago.
By chance, my eyes caught sight of the overhanging lights. The swarm of stars and patchwork of an infinite deep sea coat the world in a blanket of darkness. Iâve always been scared of what lingers in the shadows, but thereâs something comforting about the sanctity of the bulb.
Solis seemed to show no outward emotion. His figure remained still and calculated. Every turn of his wrist felt as if it were queued in a list of a million micromovements. I canât tell how heâs able to do itâI donât envy him. Iâm not sure if itâd be an insult to question his difference in rationale.
A crackle flared the speaker alive. âWhat was Temple Coast like in your time?â
âOh, fine,â I sarcastically replied, âLooks about the same since the last time I saw it. A lot less soot, though. Thatâs a positive thing.â
âWell, Iâm glad to hear that. From what I recall, Temple Coast has benefitted from a diplomatic agreement between the Aurelian Mysteries and the Cultists of Skymarcher.â
âHow long ago was this?â
âThirty years ago.â
I furrowed my eyebrows toward the distant horizon.
âTemple Coast has grown to be an exporting powerhouse. With the fruits of the Pits and the fortune of the sea, theyâre hoping to complete a religious campus with the surplus funds within the next generation.â
âRight, good for them.â
Even with the scenery outside, it was hard to stay awake for long. The warm-padded seat paired with the cooled curved glass beckoned me to sleep. I wasn't sure how much longer it would be until we arrived, but considering Solis had to return, it wouldn't be long.
Soon, we approached a distant storm. Its clouds laid among the plains as an enlarged shrub. The color alone gave an impression of a dust storm often seen in the Sole Dunes, but we were still within the Crown.
I slowly placed my finger upon the speaker's button, causing it to briefly buzz. "Hey, Solis. What's with the large cloud straight ahead? Is that normal?"
"Oh, perfectly normal," he answered in a reassuring cadence, "This cloud is engineered to filter any unwanted visitors. It'll allow us straight passage to our base of operation's entrance, however."
"Are you sure that's safe?"
"I must've used it prior to retrieving you, have I not?"
Once we entered the cloud, the scooter and the bulb's exteriors were engulfed without harm. Even as fine particles pushed against the glass, the glass remained clear and unscratched.
"Micromachines," Solis continued, "Imagine a trillion little hands guiding you along an open path. I find the sensation quite pleasing, and I think they enjoy the service."
We soon left the boundless billow as quick as we entered. Suddenly, the tranquil night sky hid itself away as a cylindrical concrete interior encased and led the scooter through a straightforward path.
After a brief moment of silence, the speaker broke the air with a familiar buzz. "I'd like to welcome you to the Nexus of Knowledge, the New Galilean Council's Headquarters."
The scooter drew near a thick metallic door with its jagged jaws locked within each other. A row of repeating black and yellow chevrons race above the door's teeth. As the vehicle draws near, steam quickly escapes through the door as it slowly lifts up into the ceiling.
Beyond the large entrance lies an expansive, cylindrical hub. Layers of balconies segment the room into separate exits outward. Similar to the entrance, the walls of the hub were lined with limestone. Various tubes filled with purple and blue liquids run through the walls like veins, dividing the floors further through vertical lines.
Scattered among the hub were nine distinct statues. The first statue faced the entrance with his hands outstretched. A book sat on his hand, with the carved pages etched in time. Kingly robes draped from his shoulders as a four-pronged crown hid the top of his head from view. The second statue faced away from the entrance. Clutched within the statue's hand was a blade with its tip parallel to the ground. A suit of heavy metal tightly hugged the statue's physique. Long, flowing hair partially obscured the figure's blind folded face.
On the ground floor of the hub was a figure with a curved cap and bagged pants. Another statue, situated on the other side of the room, complimented it in pose. Carved in the marble was a man adorned in an oversized robe and gown. His head was devoid of all features save for a separated sphere. Wrapped around the sphere's horizontal axis was an elliptical ring.
On the next floor was a worn-down statue. Its features were corroded and unidentifiable. A set of swords rest in the unfinished slab in which it was carved out fromâone blade radiant and the other reflective.
A set of two statues sat within a nook of the marble wall. One statue depicted a figure with large wings. Its span stretched across an eighth of the hub's circumference. Upon its body were a set of scales which lined the torso down in its detail. A set of mangled horns perched atop its head, as they both pointed up toward the ceiling. The smaller statue depicted a woman adorned from neck to ankles in uniform. Vertical creases run across its black material with a set of iconography placed upon her chest. Stuck within a loop-like circle was a stray thunderbolt striking upon the icon's ground. Two sets of glass moon beads tie two symmetrical lines of hair on the sides of her head.
One statue stood in the center of a large, round table. The figure balanced herself on one foot, as the other lifted itself up as a counterweight. In her hands were two carved baskets. The fruits sat within the contains, however, were genuine. Surrounding the base of the statue were crates of bottled wine and baskets of bread.
The last statue stood behind a bulky, granite sundial. Underneath its silken attire were spiraled sleeves which cover its legs. From the neck up, the statue is devoid of any hair. All that remains are two thick eyebrows above their eyes.
The scooter navigated through the interior of the complex without issue. Its expansive hallways seemed to be built for a vehicle of its caliber. I sat with my knees pressed against the seat, examining the statue and its rooms.
Soon after we pass the final statue, Solis veers the scooter around toward the entrance of the building. As he does so, I can hear his voice from the speaker gradually crescendo from nothing. "And thus, these statues represent the late Sonatan Pantheon. I assume you caught that all, Autumn?"
Once Solis called my name out, my attention quickly snapped away from the design of the headquarters back to the speaker. As a result, I quickly blurted out, "Yes?"
"Good." I'm not sure what I agreed to. "I find the history of these deities quite fascinating. Maybe it's because of my era of origin. Something about these nine resonates with me far more than the recent bodies of worship."
"Yes, I think so. Quite frankly, I lose track after the main three."
"I don't blame you. These cohorts are often debated on their divinity in part of their Ichor content. While they possess extraordinary feats, it's commonly accepted their titles are supported through merit rather than Ichor."
"I agree, yes. I kind of figured based off of the kid in the ball cap."
"Providence? I'm sure there's an ongoing field of research on whether their skills were of talent or miracle."
I wasn't sure of what type of conversation I found myself in, but it felt as if I was saying the right answers by pure chance.
Through the winding spiral of the Nexus, we both arrived at a set of doors titled with various names. As I read the nameplates, Solis' voice followed behind without delay, "Currently this facility holds Ozymandias, Miyana, Kiryana, and Solisâme."
The scooter slows to a halt near a set of unlabeled doors. Similar to its acceleration, the bulb slowed to a stop in a near-seamless manner. It took me a while to figure out how to exit my small carriage. After pressing a small purple button, a slip of glass slid up toward the bulb's top. Stepping out from the floating vehicle out to the ground felt disorienting. Once I planted my foot on the linoleum floor, I felt both my legs disagreeing with each other. A quick hop out of the pod quickly fixed the issue.
Solis extended his arm out to his side. He slowly moved his hand to point toward the selection of empty rooms in front of him. "Pick whichever one you want. I'll have your name engraved like the rest of them. Any questions before I leave?"
"Questions? Oh, right," I quickly caught myself mid-stutter to collect my thoughts into a coherent question. "What is the New Galilean Council? Is it the group of statues scattered throughout the Nexus?"
"Oh, good question. I don't think I've explained that since we got here."
I let out a small exhaleârelief.
"The original Galilean Council, known as the Starwatchers, were a set of four guardians appointed by Sinatra to take charge of his cenotaph if he were to perish. We don't know what happened to these four members, but they were named after a subset of moons in which the Sonatans suspected Sinatra arrived from."
"Ah, interesting."
"We've taken on the mantle to symbolize a rebirth and simultaneous restructure of Sinatra's values. While we aren't the exact heirs to their claim or attributes, the symbolism is what we stuck with in the end."
Most of the information Solis talked about wasn't anything I've learned in Temple Coast. I was acclimating to the technology and architecture shown to me. Idly, I tapped the edge of my heel against the floor to hear the resonance of the bedroom hall.
"I must be going," Solis concluded, "Sleep well, Autumn. We have much to discuss in the morning."
Soon after, the scooter slowly turned itself around and left toward the exit. The pods behind slowly jostled around before smoothing out to sit stationary in relation to each other.
I glossed over the bedroom's decorations as I stumbled inside. My first instinct was to locate the first object in sight that could easily depress under my weight. Every moment awake felt like an uphill battle. It felt as if small gram-heavy bags pulled my eyelids shut. All I could think of was sleep. The thirty years spent locked within the confines of my coffin caught up with me.
Then, I slept. My eyes fixed on the ceiling dotted decor before I was swept away from the waking world.
I found myself at the gates of dreamland after months of absence. The stress of adventure stripped my slumber bare of joy. Without worry, I had no concern for caution. There was no curfew. I wasn't a soldier of fate anymore.
Even as I slept, my troubled past returned as another dream. We were hours after my last daydream. Once we exited the carriage, a group of guards accompanied us through a large station filled with both man and machine.
We arrived at our destinationâthe Crownâs only airport. A looming tower of brick and steel stretched up to the heavens. Floating ports jut out from the main tower, hosting a selection of airships of varying sizes. Their bird-like wings kept them afloat as their sails anchored them in the air. Each vessel had a rough-cut crystal embedded in its hull. They wouldn't stay afloat without these gems. Surrounding the bottoms of each ship was a small aura which matched each crystal's hue. Through their stored energy, the gem exerted its power to utilize the air around it as a water-like substance.
As we traversed through the seas of travelers, we arrived at our terminal near the zenith of the tower. We both sat down on a set of chairs overlooking the clear skies ahead. Thirty years had seldom changed the composition of the nighttime sky. However, this detail could be nothing more than an oversight by my slumbering mind.
Caesar took off his jacket and laid it across his lap. With his elbows pressed against his knees, he planted his chin within the palm of his hands. It was strange to see him this still. His white shirt had been stained with smears of soot and dirt. There was even a small patch of his shirt which had been burned off. In addition, his well-kept hair had been reduced to a frayed mess. His natural brown hair remained, but the outstretched strands covered his shoulders in a mess of strands.
The passing of airships outside kept me occupied. Large, blinking lights sat on the sails, signaling to the darkened sky of their presence. It was a light show of mismatched shapes. It's hard to see the stars above with the ship's bright mimicries.
It took me until now to notice that Caesar's attention was placed toward the sky. Among the softened noise of bustling travelers, he spoke with a hushed tone, "Do you think the Pre-Sonatans saw the same stars as us?"
It took me a moment to find the answer. My attention fixed to the dim, golden stitches which strung together the stars' backdrop. "Part of it, yes. I think all that remains is the constellation Lepus."
"What do you think they'd say about our stars? Would they even notice a difference?"
"I think they'd try and make sense of it all."
Caesar sat in thought. His left hand slowly moved across his face to cover his mouth. I could hear his exhales break against his fingers like waves against a jagged coast.
The Pre-Sonatans figured out the meaning of the sky, even if there was nothing of value. The stars were a museum of achievement to themâa showcase of their worth. The various groupings outlived the very civilization which named them. Even Lepus, a constellation which persists in both meaning and shape, hangs overhead.
"Do you think it's worth attempting to explain everything?" Caesar continued, "Is it worth it to rationalize the irrational?"
It took me a moment to recognize what he was referencing. At first, my mind snapped toward the constellations themselves. Even then, I challenged his question, "Rationalize the irrational?"
"I don't get it, Autumn. Why were we attacked?"
"Attacked? Do you mean back at Temple Coast?"
"Yes. It all came out of nowhere. One morning, I ran the hours of the rising sun by watering the flowers in the church's garden. Nearly twenty four hours later, the same flowers were engulfed in embers. What did we do to deserve this fate?"
"I don't know, Caesar. I don't know."
The prophet slowly tilted his head back as he steadily inhaled through his nose. His fingers parted away from his lips to allow for his exhale to escape in full.
"I think my mother was stressed up until the attack. I'm not sure of why, though."
"Wasn't she part of the town's council?"
"She was, yes. I remember her talking about how she worked in the Heartland before settling down in the Crown, too."
"I wonder if that's why she wanted our families to go on a surprise vacation."
My sights glued itself to the overhead countdown. A series of blackboards ticked away as each number slowly decreased in value. Fifteen minutes.
Caesar suddenly snapped his finger as he turned around to face a distant guard with a briefcase. The color of the case seemed familiar, but overall its details were shrouded by the airport's dim lights.
"Here, Autumn, your mom handed this to me while we were inside the church."
The prophet's hands gloss over the locks. They were both melded shut by some unknown force. However, as he pinched his fingers against the material, Caesar morphed the latches back to their original shape before revealing the inside of the briefcase to me.
Sat upon the cushioned padding was my father's BEL. Each of the canisters situated inside the machine were emptied of its contents, leaving an emptied husk and a useless weapon.
I carefully lifted the BEL out from its case as I idly nodded back to Caesar. Overall, the machine was a lot heavier than I anticipated it to be. My fingers wrapped around the handguard as I lightly grasped the grip. It was immediately evident I didn't know how to handle the machine.
"I think Invictus might know what to do with it." Caesar snapped his fingers once more, signaling the same guard to retrieve the empty briefcase. "Just keep hold of it for now."
With the BEL secured in my lap, I placed my sights forward in anticipation for the airship.
I expected an explanation on how to use the machine sometime before the invasion on Temple Coast. Last I recall, my father planned to teach me a few weeks out from the invasion. At the time, I had a basic gist of how it worked just by watching my father behind the anvil.
I spent the rest of the waking night boarding the airship. The trip took nearly two days of constant travel. While I rarely meandered around the wooden interior for long, I recall the view out from our room's window.
Patches of land were separated by various types of crops and shrubbery. Even from nearly a thousand meters off the ground, the individual colors of the collective crops, grass, and trees stood out in clumps.
I've never seen the world this high in the sky. The scene entertained me for hours on end. However, most of my fun came to a stop as soon as we passed by a small strip of sand and crossed over the boundless sea. Every once in a while, I was able to spot a stray ship by the blotchy brown spots among the homogenous deep blue plane.
As I sat on the edge of my bed, I could feel myself waking up. The distant noise of conversation strayed me away from my memories and back into reality.
Chapter 4
The spare bedroom was covered head to toe with various stickers of celestial bodies. Lime green mockups of various planets and their satellites stuck to the limestone walls. Columns of marble ran across the corners of the room, removing all the right angles within the space.
On top of the nearby nightstand was a small remote. Its rectangular design held no details other than its smoothened faces. A tiny white button sat in the center of the uppermost side. Pressing the button flooded the room with bright lights upon thin strips.
Hidden within the walls was a small closet and a series of drawers. A similar switch sat bolted on the wall with various buttons connected to each space. Searching through the cabinets acquainted me with a series of folded clothes.
To the right of the closet was a large mirror mounted over a granite counter. Further east was a translucent door overpowered by a warm yellow tone. Pressing the button next to the mirror slid the glass into the wall, presenting the guest bathroom.
A muffled voice seeped through the bedroomâs entranceâa fragment of a greater conversation. âYes, Solis, I have to go out to the market to grab a few items. If you donât want to go, Iâm fully capable of taking the scooter.â
âI didnât know we were in a supply deficit. What happened to the grocery document?â The marionetteâs familiar cadence replied after, âI havenât seen an edit to that document in a few days.â
âMandy and Miyana said they were going out to town, so I told them to pick them up.â
After I threw on a set of clean pajamas, I slid the door wide enough to pop my head out to listen in.
âItâll take an hour, tops. Iâll be in and out before Mandyâs guest wakes up.â
Propped up against the hallway was a pink-haired woman with a large mask shading her eyes. Four horizontal slits ran down her visor. From the neck down, she wore a uniform similar in design to Miyanaâs. What differed in detail was a set of yellow highlights sewn into her garmentâs chestplate.
Behind her back was a sheathed blade. Gloveless hands covered the palms of her hand. A set of white sleeves extended out up to her elbows. On the skin of her right arm was an inked design depicting a lightning bolt surrounded by a circle. For a second, I thought she was the same person I met at the Inn Between.
She was the first to notice me. Solisâ back was turned to face toward the swordswoman. Her visor obscured where she was focused on, hiding this fact until she pointed at me.
âNevermind,â The swordswoman sighs, âSheâs awake.â
The marionette turned his attention over toward me with a slow turn. At first, he raised one of his wooden eyebrows up before relaxing his confused glare.
Once the tips of his curled feet pointed straight toward me, Solis quickly pocketed his hands within his coat. âOh, good morning, Autumn. How did you sleep last night?â
âFine,â I flatly replied, âIâd take anything over a wooden coffin at this point.â
âVery well.â
I pushed the door open with one hand. Once it was fully retracted, I pressed my hand and shifted my weight against the wall.
âIâm assuming sheâs the only member of the council who I havenât met yet.â I pointed back to her in return. âKiryana?â
âYou are correct. That is Kiryana dâIzune, daughter of Miyana.â
The swordswoman crossed her arms. She briefly lifted her head up before turning her attention alongside her body. Kiryana let out a slight groan and walked out toward the hall's exit.
"Come on, slowpokes," she sarcastically commanded, "If I'm not leaving until I'm 'well acquainted' with the guest, then I've got a morning routine to multitask."
Soon after, Solis and I followed after. After a few seconds of us walking, the floor beneath us shifted its material to carry us forward. The tiling in the design broke away to reveal a hidden series of moving tiles. It was almost like a conveyor belt.
The marionette lifted one of his hands out of his pocket to gesture toward me as he continued in conversation, "Don't mind her attitude. She's not too fond of meeting new people. I'd assume a slight residue of angst, but she doesn't like that diagnosis."
Kiryana shot a brief glaze back at Solis.
I couldn't tell if I left a bad impression or not. She seemed to be more focused on her Tabula. Despite these gestures, I attempted to talk to her, "So, you're also a swordswoman? Is that some sort of family trade thing?"
"Sure, if you want to call it that," Kiryana replied with her sights glued to her pages, "Are you supposed to help us out on the Vantablack Plan?"
"Vantablack Plan?"
"If you don't know what it is, then it's not much of your concern."
Solis suddenly changed the pattern of his steps. The marionette lightly jogged through the hall to catch up to Kiryana. His words briefly stuttered before he spoke, "Well, I've heard from Mandy that she's a valuable asset to the team."
"We have a supercomputer, two fighters, an ex-priest, and a generational extraterrestrial engineer in our team." Her lack of inflection was obviousâcontempt. "If we add another person and they're plain as bread, it's going to bring our team down. Strongest chain is the weakest link."
It dawned on me now that Solis' stutter might have been for emphasis.
Kiryana turned herself around as her velocity maintained itself. "So, then, what's your strength? Are you smarter than an all-knowing robot?"
"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows and scrunched my nose. "No, of course not."
"Well, how good are your feints? Trained with the trusty blade a bunch?"
"I don't even know how to use a kitchen knife."
"Excellent gunner? Are you some kind of skilled sharpshooter?"
I silenced myself.
"Oh good grief, Solis. We picked up the village idiot!"
The marionette raised his index finger. "Now, now, Kiryana. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. I'm sure Autumn is an excellent asset to any functional team."
"And also," I sheepishly added, "I don't have an ounce of Ichor in my body"
The swordswoman slapped her visor with the palm of her hand. "Oh, she's hopeless!"
All the members of the council congregated inside the dining hall. A flurry of machines skitter across the floor with supplies carried atop their chassis. I couldn't get a good look at the robots due to their speed and size, however the rapid pace of both the diners and the servants only fixed me toward the slowest objects in the room.
The table's statueâdepicting a figure and their baskets of fruitsâstood its ground among the sea of chaos with various grapes and berries strung within their fingers. I watched as Kiryana quickly reached her hand up to pluck a few from the statue's vine.
As I reached my hand up to grab a fruit for myself, I felt a blanket of mist encase my hand as I drew closer toward the head. Only with the frigid sensation did I notice the transparent layer of mist coating the fruits on display. It took me a moment to process this realizationâI instinctively froze in fear as my mind scrambled for answers. Once I lowered myself back into my seat, I noticed Kiryana's judgmental gaze.
"Clueless," I heard her whisper to herself, "Another dysfunctional variable."
Her comments didn't help. An overwhelming urge to cower washed over my chain of actions as I peered down toward my plate. It felt as if I was fighting an invisible blanket of forceâone which ushered me to leave. My curiosity hooked me, however. As I idly searched across the tabletop, my eyes fixed toward a glowing tablet next to my plate. A pen-like stick sat near the edge of the tablet. My first instinct was to test the pointed edge of the stick against the tablet. With my hapless strokes, a series of scribbles appeared upon the screen.
Underneath my markings was a selection of random letters which associated itself with each line. As the word finished, a bright red glow outlined the result. Quickly, the word washed away alongside the scribble. Only now would I notice the topmost label on the screen, BREAKFAST.
Next, I wrote out a string of words, "scrambled eggs and hashbrowns". A similar process occurred where the screen placed a uniform letter underneath each identified character. Once it fully spelled the phrase, it would quickly flick up to the top of the screen on a bulleted list. To the right of the phrase was an empty bar with the phrase IN PROGRESS etched in the center.
A set of idle machines flinched in place before they scurried off to exit the dining hall. This time, I was able to get a glimpse of the servant. It was a small machine made of reflective chrome. Two dimly lit dots sat at the front of the figure as a set of eyes. Eight spindly legs suspended the chassis in the air. On top of the machine was a small spot which differed in material to the machine's exterior.
My experimenting adventure came to a halt as I heard my name from across the table. "As, there you are, Autumn! I thought you'd sleep the whole day away."
It was Ozymandias. My head quickly snapped toward the source of the sound in front of me. I couldn't recognize him by his voice alone. Once I saw his face, it all made sense to say he was talking to me.
The groundskeeper was out of his usual attire. While his gray jacket remained, everything else had changed. A series of leather straps and pockets surrounded his torso. Underneath his various layers was a simple cotton shirt. Underneath the dining hall's light, I was able to discern a set of golden eyes looking down toward me. Even more, I was able to discern his fuzzy beard. While his face from the mouth down was covered in hair, the collection of strands extended no farther than a few inches.
It felt rude to leave him hanging. After a moment of silence, I let out a soft yawn and replied, "Yeah, it felt like I caught up on thirty years worth of rest back there."
"Ah!" A smile quickly formed upon Ozymandias' face. "Well, I'm glad to hear! A good night's rest fixes all woes."
"I guess you're right."
As I passively continued the conversation along, I noticed a set of bags underneath his eyes. They weren't pronounced, but the difference in color was enough for me to notice.
"Well, I can't really say I got much sleep. That's what I get for spending the night drinking out in the city." Ozymandias reached his hand behind his head to rub against the back of his neck.
Around this time, Miyana slowly approached the table with her hands stuffed within her pajamas. Once she passed by Kiryana, she lightly pecked her on the cheek with a kiss before starting her greetings, "Good morning, love!"
Kiryana was quickly caught off guard. She threw her hands in the air while shifting away from Miyana in her seat. "Hey! Knock it off, I'm trying to eat here!"
"What's the matter, are you too old for kisses now?"
"Not in front of the guest!"
Miyana let out a small laugh as she walked past Ozymandias with only a verbal welcome, "Morning, Mandy."
"Good morning, Miyana!" He returned with a jovial tone, "How are you feeling after last night? I swear I saw seven pints of ale around you before we left."
"Was it seven? Didn't feel like seven, though."
"Oh, those might've been mine then."
The ex-priest took a sip out of a bottled glass of water. Its shape curved at the bottom to form a smooth cone. However, the point of the shape had been replaced with the neck of the bottle.
"Well, Autumn," Ozymandias continued, "I'm not sure how you feel about getting back in the rites of adventure, but I've got a few errands I need to run for the day."
Errands? It took me a moment to process his words, but his implications left me more confused than satisfied. "What do you mean errands? Isn't that just your job at the graveyard?"
"Oh, not really. I don't work there, I've just been waiting for your arrival for the last two or so years."
I squinted my eyes. Two years?
"That's beyond the point. Miyana and I were planning to make a run through Calcine to scavenge any new tech we find."
Kiryana abruptly stopped eating and quickly looked up toward Ozymandias. "Hey didn't you say we wereâ"
"Since Kiryana said she had to run to Temple Coast to buy a few beauty items," he continued, uninterrupted, "I thought it'd be a good time as ever to get you back into the swing of things."
Even with her mask, I could tell she was seething with rage.
The ex-priest picked up his tablet's pen and quickly scribbled down his order. "So, Autumn, what do you say? Up for a little hiking through the Caelitran Underbelly?"
Frankly, it was hard to say no. Even with Kiryana's attitude, the idea of returning back to Calcine was enough to procure a silent nod.
Ozymandias picked up on the small gesture and clasped his hands in reaction. "Well! Let me finish my food, and we'll get you all set up and ready."
Kiryana suddenly pushed her seat back and threw her hands in the air once more. Without another word, she stormed out of the dining hall with her hands balled up in fists.
"Teenagers," Miyana remarked, "I was like her way back when. Maybe I should go and talk to her soon."
Ozymandias gave a slight scoff. "Ah, give her some time alone. I think all the training's been getting to her as of late."
The machines scuttled past Kiryana with a mixed plate of food. As it drew near, I quickly identified the contents as my ordered meal. Once it approached the table, it carefully decelerated near the edge. A second machine perched on the table extended two of its legs down to firmly grasp upon the edges of the plate. Once the machine secured the plate on its back, it would quickly scurry over to my seat to place it to the left of my empty plate.
The ex-priest tapped his fingertips against the table for a moment before snapping his fingers. "Right! Say, Autumn. Where did you leave off on your story? Something about a wagon and meeting Sol Invictus, right?"
"Think so, yeah," I spoke while I subconsciously skipped through my memories for an appropriate starting point, "Where was I? Oh, right."
I remember how different the Kingdom of the Sol was to Caelitra. While they were heavily tied and included within the mainlandâs culture, the environment felt almost alien. The ground from sea to sea was covered in a thick layer of rock. There were a variety of craters strayed from the cultivated paths. An apt analogy to make to the kingdomâs environment was as if it were plucked from the moon and placed in the seas.
The sun hung in the sky even through the night hours. It seemed to follow a small path around the highest point in the sky. The people didnât seem to mind, though. The kingdom held the largest number of all-day shops within Caelitra. There wasnât a lull of activity that naturally came with night. Their streets were busy with vehicles and pedestrians. An amalgamation of tourists and locals mingled among the crowd as a united yet divided crowd. What separated the tourists were their brightly-colored attire and emphasis on portable storage solutions. If I had to count how many backpacks were in the crowd, Iâd fall asleep before I finished an eighth of the population.
The farther you ventured inside the island, the greater the urbanization became. The coastlines were sparsely populated save for groupings of homes made specifically for visitors. Rather than fields of corn and grain, quarries of gargantuan proportions littered the offroads of the islandâs highways.
The urban gradient wasnât apparent with the path we took. Because of our transportation of choice, we landed directly in the center of the kingdom. Most of the information Iâve gained about this island came from an informational pamphlet I received upon landing. While the main export of this country was its abundant metals and minerals, tourism remained a prominent force within its borders.
Despite Caesarâs ties with the island, his first impression seemed almost in line with a typical tourist. He shielded his eyes with his hand and spoke in a surprised tone, âI know everything around this place is named after the sun, but I wasnât expecting everything to be this bright!â
My initial reaction was similar in vein. Once we stepped out from the airport, the piercing rays of the sun squeezed the reaction right out of me.Â
The guards ushered us through the bustling streets. Icons of Invictus and various amenities of the kingdom juxtaposed themselves in a harsh blend. Underneath every rayed sun was an advertisement for some overpriced experience.
It was hard to acclimate to the kingdomâs contrasting appearance from the mainland. The difference between inside and outside was more pronounced. Here, even as we left the airport, it felt as if we were both outside and inside at the same time. Various pillars and walls stretched up and over, encasing us all in a rounded dome with its outstretched arms.
Thinking over it now, the design of the nexus mimicked that of the kingdomâs. I wonder if that was intentional.
Soon, we found ourselves on an underground tramway. Caesar and I hung onto a strange railing bolted to the cartâs ceiling. Accompanying us were a selection of guards forming a loose barricade around us. Their stoic faces and still bodies nearly frightened me. The promised vacation the kingdom places upon you clashed with the important implications of our guardsâ presence.
Even the underbelly of the kingdom was tightly packed with suburbs and shops. Every once in a while, the glass walls of the tram gave us a peek into these bubbles of residency. Streetlights illuminated the artificially constructed ceilings. Sets of pillars supported the caverns with their simplistic designs.
My sights wandered off from the tramâs scenery to the contents of the cart itself. The carriage was filled almost to capacityâevery seat occupied and every person packed in like sardines. Caesar and I were the only two people with some semblance of space. Thankfully it was because of our entourage of guards.
After a moment, I softly tapped Caesar on the shoulder as I focused on a small family just ahead of us. âHey, Caesar, havenât you been to the kingdom when I was about twelve?â
âHm, twelve?â He glanced up from the brightly patterned floor to meet my gaze. âI think so, but I donât remember much of that trip. Why so?â
âHas this place always been this packed?â
âWell, itâs a metropolis. I wouldnât expect this place to be sparse even during its peak hours.â
âYeah, I get that. But look at the crowd. Donât they all look like tourists?â
âWhat do you mean?â
I gestured to the family in the distance. The two parentsâa pair of mothersâsat next to each other with an enlarged map covering their torsos. While two sets of heads poked out above the map, three pairs of legs sat underneath the chair.
âRight, I donât see what you mean, though.â
âIt just feels off, you know? Thereâs a difference between planned capacity and packed capacity.â
Once the tram stopped, the guards ushered us off and into the station. From there, we made our way out from the underground and into the controlled outside world. Ceilings of glass and walls of buildings enclosed us as we traveled along the roads. Even as the sun shined down on us, it felt as if we were still trapped.
We werenât able to get a clear view of the castle. Our private carriage pulled up to a large metal gate. With the guardsâ identifications presented to the gatekeeper, he allowed us to pass through the castleâs perimeter.
Lush, green gardens lined the sides with ornate fountains and statues. Flattened plains of grandiose fields stretched out through the castleâs archways. We wound through the area in a series of ascending roads and bridges. Marble and gold lined our sights. It took us a few minutes to reach the main entrance. Another wooden gate barred us from inside.
Before we entered, I looked out to the outer city. We were outside any glass dome or controlled exterior. As the sun beamed down on us in full, we caught a glimpse of the multiple layers of the kingdom. Various bridges among buildings wrapped and stretched between each other. Platformed plazasâmore prominent on the higher layersâshielded the ground floor with a glass plane in the center. It was mind boggling to conceive the scale of the kingdom.
The castleâs interior didnât ease our minds. Red velvet carpets strung through the foyer over a dark wood flooring. A balcony with marble railings overlooked us alongside a set of both doors and hallways. It was another labyrinth within itself.
Our footsteps echoed throughout the quiet chambers. Every once in a while, Iâd make eye contact with a chiseled bust depicting Invictusâ figure. Without much color, it was hard to discern much detail. Nonetheless, we continued forth into the throne room.
A set of gold-accented doors separated us from the throne roomâs interior. As they swung open, the brilliance of the cylindrical chamber seeped through the expanding entry. Sunlight shone through the various stained glass sets. While the panes were warped and unrecognizable, their colored light depicted a clear image of various images unknown to me.
Invictus sat on a throne of solid gold. The same velvet carpet cushioned the seat with golden accents alongside the exterior and interior. His armored figure covered most of the detail, yet his weight sunk in the velvet seat. His suit was made of an unknown metal painted chrome. Golden accents ran across the design, mainly positioned upon joints and intersections. His chestplate was adorned with his main iconâa nonagon with extruding sunrays. The armorâs gauntlets tensed and stretched in a wave-like motion. I couldnât see his face past the spherical helmet. A solid dome of glass surrounded his head, completing the armor.
His voice projected through a set of speakers lined within the collar of his suit. It reverberated against the walls, and spoke with a synthesized inflection, âState your name and reason. Make it quick.â
One of the guards stepped forward and bowed. âParagon Sol Invictus. This is Caesar Toru, priest of Temple Coast and his ritual assistant.â
Smoke poured from the suitâs pores. The armor expanded out as its plates folded out from the center. Among the mist, a hand reached out toward a nearby handle built inside the suit. While the smoke cleared, a figure stood before the deconstructed armor.
His golden hair had been compacted from the interiorâs mist. Their eyes were in a squint before I could identify their color matched that of their hair. Hung from their ears were a set of tuffs held on a long stringâsimilar to curtain ends. His arms were covered by a white undershirt, but his body was exposed. While his build wasnât extraordinary, his chest and stomach were relatively defined in shape. From the waist down, a set of baggy dark brown pants obscured the shape of his legs. His feet were adorned with a set of wooden sandals. It was hard to pin his attire to anything of royalty, but it was nonetheless eccentric.
His voice was higher in pitch than that within the armor. Overall, his previous stoic stance clashed with his jovial cadence and outwardly vibrant expressions. This brilliance carried through as he spoke, âCaesar, hey! Glad you can make it!â
âGreat uncle Laque!â He called back, âHowâs it going?â
Both of them swiftly walked across the velvet carpet to meet in the middle. Laqueâs arms extended to embrace Caesar in a tight hug.
The guards surrounding us slowly dismantled in form and exited out of the throne room. The suit of armorâwhich I assumed to be dormantâreassembled itself whole without command. My sights immediately fixed to the suit in horror.
âIâll leave you two be,â the armorâs voice projected unaided, âI expected to rest for a while, but I may as well prepare for the festival.â
Laque returned his hug and idly waved his hand off toward his suit of armor. âYeah, sure thing, Spaceripper. Iâll meet up with you in a few minutes.â
Upon second inspection, a set of similar curtain-ends hung from his pants. Caesarâs eyes matched that of Laqueâs, alongside their complexions. What differed was their hair. Caesarâs hair was more jagged and straight in comparison to Laqueâsâwhich was smooth and curled.
It clicked now how Caesar gained his wealth. The connections with Invictus despite his faith made sense, too. I shouldâve expected this in the beginning, but seeing the two side by sideâespecially Invictusâ natural formâonly solidified my hunch.
âHowâs my favorite nephew doing?â Laque continued, âI assume great things at the very least! I never knew Iâd hear your feats all the way out here.â
âWell, I mean theyâre notable,â Caesar returned with little confidence, âArenât I your only nephew?â
âYes, but thatâs beyond the point.â
âEverythingâs fine back at Temple Coast, for the most part. The last day hasnât been too kind on either of usâand the populace as a whole.â
âOh, right. You had a visit from the Veinfinders?â
âVeinfinders, yes.â
âAre times desperate on the mainland?" I havenât seen their deployment outside the Heartland since the Ampersand Wars.â
âWell, thatâs the thing. We donât know. One day they kind of just showed up, and we werenât given a rhyme or a reason.â
As I listened to the two converse, I couldnât help but notice Laqueâs speech. Similar to Solisâ and Spaceripperâs voice, it was also synthesizedâalbeit a lot less noticeable. Underneath his voice was a softened foreign language. Unlike his louder voice, I couldnât tell if it was also artificially created. As far as I knew, this was his unaltered speech.
Laque stepped back and placed his hands in his pockets. His gaze wandered away from Caesar as his tone lowered. âAh, well, I wish I couldâve helped. I couldâve probably talked Fortuna out of it if I could.â
Caesar reached his hand out to place upon Laqueâs shoulder. âI know youâre busy with business here. At least all thatâs been lost is a good chunk of infrastructure and not lives.â
âI suppose youâre right. Still, Iâd be fighting tooth and nail if they were my citizens.â
Caesar let out a small hum in reply.
The air hung for a moment. I never noticed how silent and disconnected from the world the throne room was. The lights on the floor had shifted a small but noticeable amount.
Laque looked past Caesar to meet my gaze. His somber expression soured until it averaged out to a deadpan stare.
âOh, hello, Azathoth,â he plainly greeted.
Caesar turned to face me with a confused glare. His hand briefly raised before he spoke, âAzathoth? Her nameâs Autumn. Have you two met before?â
âNot in her own lifetime, no.â
Suddenly, I did not want to be in the room. The air had changed drastically with Laqueâs presence. Every moment inside the chamber onward felt painfulâagonizing.
Caesar acclimated to the change in tone rather quickly. He immediately took to neutralizing the air with a soft yet brief laugh. âHey, I meanâsheâs with me. Sheâs not really special in anything. No Ichor, no nothing.â
âI can see the Ambrosia in her. I think I know importance when I see it. Close your left eye.â
Reluctantly, I followed through with his instruction. As I viewed Laque with my right eye, his golden hair gained a brilliant violet glow. His eyes, in tandem, received the same effect. Opening my left eye caused this detail to vanish.
âTetrachromacy,â Laque continued, "You saw a change in my hair, didnât you?â
I was too stunned to respond. I rapidly opened and closed my left eye as I took in the detail.
Caesar turned to look back at Laque. His voice retained its shaken confidence as he interjected, âUncle Laque, what are you talking about? I donât see a change with your hair.â
The Paragon let out an exasperated sigh before swirling his left hand in a circle. âAmbrosia is the name of the fourth primary color. Normally, everyone canât see this color. Thereâs not much of a biological reason to. Humans never evolved this trait naturally. No one in recorded history has experienced this fourth color naturally. The only person whoâs come close to experiencing it was the company Parabellum and their aptly titled âTetrachromatic Experiment 52â.
âFour deitiesâacross the last two thousand yearsâhave been able to see this color; Fortuna, Domi, and me. The implication that youâre able to see this color tells me more about you than your violet eyes.â
Laque slowly walks past Caesar and approaches me with his hands behind his back. As he stands a foot away from me, he tilts his head upward to make eye contact with me. Only now am I able to identify his pentagonal-shaped irises.
âYou donât remember me,â Laque questions, âdo you?â
I shake my head. âNot at all, no.â
âIs there any other name youâd give yourself other than Autumn?â
âI donât know. Bethany?â
âWhatâs Domiâs true name?â
I notice Laqueâs synthesized voice isnât present when he says Domi.
âYou donât know, do you?â
âNot a clue.â
âDo you remember whatâs in that log cabin?â
âLog cabin, what cabin?â
âYou donât remember me, do you?â
I remained silent.
Laque slowly turned and walked away from me. His artificial voice gave way, obscuring his words in a language I couldnât translate. Afterward, he let out another sighâthis time longer than the last. âYouâre not him. What a coward.â
Caesar looked back and forth. During the conversation, he was confused by the onslaught of knowledge. An unbearable silence choked the chamber.
âWell.â Caesar attempted to break the air. âYou called for me earlier, right? Is there something important you need me to do?â
âAh, right,â Laque mumbled, âI forgot about that.â
âThen what is it?â
âIâve been informed of a special kind of lily that allows you to transcend death, to put it simply.â
Laque raises his hand and motions it within the air. A detailed outline of the lilyâs shape appears within the air through a set of yellow particles.
âIt looks approximately like this. If Iâm correct, the last person who consumed it died within a cultist stronghold. This wouldnât be too harsh if it wasnât for the specific detail that these cultists worship Skymarcher.â
âAh, you know, that would explain it. Why canât Skymarcher retrieve it for you?â
âMoral clashing. He doesnât like stealing from His people.â
âAnd why canât you get it?â
âI thought that was obvious for you. With your set of training with His divinity, I believe itâd be easier to send you out than an armyâor myself. You know how busy I am.â
âI see.â
âLuckily for you, if you decide to bring Azathothââ
âAutumn.â
âRight. If you bring Autumn along, her skillset can definitely aid you, even if you donât know what that skillset is.â
I blinked.
âSo, are you able to retrieve the lily?â
âAh, sure! I mean, I canât really say no to you. Plus, itâll be a good bit of fun. I havenât been on an adventure of my own.â
âFantastic!â
âHowever, Iâd like something of value in return for my efforts.â
Laque stood still; intrigued.
âIf I deliver the lily to you, then I would like assistance in freeing the citizens of Temple Coast from the Veinfinderâs custody.â
âI can try and pull a few strings. No guarantees on anything.â
âThatâs more than enough for me!â
Caesar extracted himself from the conversation to look back at me. Without words, he would give a simple thumbs up and a bright smile.
âWhile weâre at it,â Laque continued, âI should properly train Azathothââ
âAutumn.â Caesar chirped.
âSorry. I should supply her with the equipment and time needed to acquaint herself with her abilities. It should only take a few days, at most.â
âYou know what? I wouldnât mind that. Thereâs not much for me to do in the meantime, though. What would I be doing while youâre working with Autumn?â
âIf youâre up for it, the nearby Skymarcher chapters have been pretty lacking in faith recently. Iâm sure youâd get your work in by rejuvenating their spirits.â
Caesar gave a simple nod.
âGood. Letâs get started then. About that BEL in your hand, Autumn, do you know how to use it properly?â
I was completely blindsided by the mention of the BEL. While Iâve kept hold of it for most of the trip, Iâve zoned out its existence up until now.
âNot really,â I sheepishly replied, âno.â
âGreat!â Laque clapped his hands together. âI can quickly fix that if you donât mind a few modifications.â
âI havenât gotten much of a use for it, so I mean sure, why not?â
As I concluded my story, my first instinct was to assess the reaction of every member in the room. Returning from memory lane, my sights were first placed on Ozymandias. He seemed to be unchanged by the information. His radiant smile remained.Â
Solisâwho had been here since the beginningâpaid little attention to the story. He focused on his small platter of pellets. Each packet puffed out like a balloon with a substantial amount of blue gel stored within the transparent membranes. The gel was similar in color and makeup to the ammunition found in the BELs. As he placed a pellet inside his mouth, his metal jaw broke the packet open as a series of small sparks coursed through the innards of his mouth. I can only assume this is how he recharged.
Miyana, however, had a different expression. While she wasn't intrigued, her mind and thoughts wandered off to their own before she would collect them in a single question, "Sol Invictus? The Paragon Sol Invictus?"
Initially, I was stunned. It took me a moment to answer despite the simplicity of the answer. "Well, yes. I'd assume my absence wouldn't change who he is fundamentally."
Solis chimed in with his head turned away from the group, "Yeah, that sounds about right."
Everyone's reactions perplexed me. As far as I knew of the Paragon, he was well-revered across Caelitra. Among the litany of deities, he was one of the more recognizable names. Rarely anyone saw him outside his suit of armor, Spaceripper. Proclaiming you'd meet face to face with someone as celebrated as Sol Invictus would typically be met with disbelief.
"You all don't seem too thrilled," I assessed, "Is he not that important due to my absence?"
Ozymandias shook his head. "No, not really. We've all had our own experiences with him in one way or another."
Miyana tidied up her side of the table as she engaged with the conversation. "Sol Invictus isn't much of a deity. He's more of a celebrity, if that makes sense."
"To his credit," Solis chimed in, "His achievements aren't anything to downplay. It's more that his presence is seen as a persona than a mystic figure."
Ozymandias quickly shot up in his seat and snapped his fingers together. "Demystified! That's the word I was looking for. He's pretty much demystified. There's nothing special about him when you're surrounded by his influence."
"Desensitized," the swordswoman added, "We'd be seeing the same effect if Skymarcher was just some random kid named Nathan that roamed the street instead of some..."
Miyana's voice trailed off. Her hand remained in the air with her index finger pointed toward the sky. As her voice petered off, her finger slowly lowered itself in tandem. "Ah, forget it. You get what I mean."
"Yeah, I get you." Ozymandias' tone didn't sound too convinced. "I mean, look around us. We're in a large underground living space with the architecture and mythology based off of the myth of Laque and the Sonatan Gods. Miyana's lineage is closely tied to his experiments, I'm related by blood to him, and Solis..."
The mannequin looked up toward Ozymandias with a slight scowl.
"Well, that's self explanatory. It's hard to really escape his influence, so he feels less like a deity and more like a close contact with extraordinary skills. I guess he's the main reason we all found each other."
As the council talked among themselves, the sentiment slowly stuck to me. "Admittedly, when I first learned I had to visit himâand even as he stood right in front of meâit was hard to believe I was significant enough for this to be a reality."
Once Miyana finished with her cleaning, she pushed her chair out and stood up. "We're all in a strange limbo between normality and divinity. None of us can return to any form of a simple life as if nothing happened, and we lack the skills or tools to achieve enough power and status to be canonized within the Pantheon.
"We're not the first to venture through this vast valley, and we sure aren't the last."
As Solis finished the last of his plate of pellets, he stood up in a similar fashion. "You're kind of born into it, as well. Mandy came from a family of devout cultists. Solis was built devoid of any definition of normalcy."
"I'm different. My family just won the lottery, metaphorically. That's about the only shot you got in climbing up in life."
Ozymandias raised his hand. However, he didn't attempt to interject in the conversation. He idly tapped against the necklace over his chest for a brief few seconds before lowering his hand.
The ex-priest was the last to finish his meal. As Miyana and Solis wandered around the dining hall in an attempt to perform any trivial, unattended duties, Ozymandias was on the cusp of clearing his plate.
Miyana snapped her fingers at Ozymandias as she sarcastically retorted, "Come on, gramps. We're gonna miss the bullet tram to Calcine if you're going to move slower than a snail."
"I'm going as fast as I can," he replied, stifling his laughter, "One more minute, promise."
"Sixty. Fifty-nine. Fifty-eight..."
"Three minutes!"
"One hundred eighty. One hundred seventy-nine..."
Solis let out a pre-recorded cough as he brought his hand up to his mouth in a fist. "Well, I will leave you two to it. I have some important obligations to attend to around the nexus. Hopefully, once you three return, we will have a functional delivery system."
Ozymandias pushed himself out of his chair by pressing against the table to stand up. "Fantastic! I'll gear Autumn up for the adventure ahead. Shouldn't take too long. Why don't you go and start up the bullet tram, Miyana?"
The swordswoman rolled her eyes in response. "Fine, sure. If you're not back in thirty minutes, I'm leaving the both of you in the nexus."
"It shouldn't take that long, I promise."
"Great, I'll start counting. One thousand eight hundred. One thousand seven hundred ninety-nine..."
Ozymandias soon ushered me up from my seat and pushed me toward the exit of the hall. "Quick, Autumn. We only have one-thousand and ninety-four more seconds left."
"Wait, hey!" I yelped, "My food!"
"I'll have the servants deliver it on the tram in a to-go box, come on!"
With that, we left the lavish dining hall, leaving both Miyana and Solis behind in our little adventure within the complex.
Chapter 5
Ozymandias led me off to a small room tucked away within the nexusâ halls. Inside were a collection of boxes haplessly placed both within the floor and shelves. Two strips of light ran across the ceiling of the room, illuminating the space in whole.
It was hard to pinpoint where anything was. Even as I read the labels, they all took on a naming scheme which eluded me. Ozymandias, however, seemed to know where everything was with confidence.
Out of a random box, he opened the flaps and fished his hands within a collection of various hard-covered books. As his arm moves around the small pool of literature, he would soon pull a strange book with a series of diamonds placed in a checkerboard-like pattern. Upon closer inspection, the diamonds held a pattern of smaller diamonds contained within. These symbols wrapped around the cover, filling the front, spine, and back with these markings.
Ozymandias placed the book in my open hands. âThis is the Infinitum Tabula. Itâs a book in which the pages are all connected to each other. If one person were to write on one page, all Tabulas receive the same markings. The Sonatans used it to communicate with each otherâespecially in small groups. Since thereâs only a few Tabulas in circulation, weâve taken full advantage of its scarcity.â
As I peeked at the pages inside the Tabula, I came across a series of scribbled sentences. Each phrase differed in handwriting, denoting a unique voice among the overarching topic. Once Ozymandias slipped a pen into my fingers, I brought it up to the page to lightly strike against the material.
I wasnât sure what I was expecting. Nothing had changed. It felt like a normal book to me.
We left the box in its place and continued forward in the storage room. Our trek wasnât long, however, as Ozymandias reached for another arbitrary box upon the nearby shelf.
âOh, the item in this box is pretty neat,â he said while fishing his hand around the box, âInside this box is a Recall Token. If you flip it like a normal coin and allow it to land on the ground, itâll transport you to the point where itâs attuned to.â
Ozymandias retrieved a handful of golden coins from the depths of the box. On one side of the coin was the bald-headed figure found behind the sundial. The opposite side revealed the same sundial housed within a cave-like structure.
âThese were created in the hay-day of the Sonatans,â the ex-priest continued, âThey mainly fell out of relevancy for the system of beacons established within the underground.â
As I pocketed the tokens for myself, I raised a question to Ozymandias, âWhy donât we use the beacons, then?â
âAh, theyâre a pain to calibrate. Theyâre more suited for public use.â
âStrange. Iâll take your word on it.â
The next item Ozymandias revealed to me was an iron bracelet. As usual, he introduced the item with enthusiasm, âThis is a micro-shield! Itâs not as extravagant as some other defense-oriented devices. However, if anything reaches toward you with enough force, itâll react by deploying a layer of solid energy on the point of impact.â
Once I connected the bracelet around my wrist, a pulse of energy raced around my body.
Ozymandias reacted to the shieldâs presence with a warm smile. âItâll help in case a stray stalactite breaks loose and falls down, for example. I have one stowed away underneath my jacket!â
The last item I was acquainted with was a small watch. A circular sheet of glass sat within a similar shaped frame. Upon activation, the pane lit up with a bright yellow light. The band of the watch was similar in design to the micro-shield.
âThis was actually created by Solis,â Ozymandias explained, âItâs connected to his main processor, and works as a multi-tool of sorts. Mainly, it displays a list of information including the time, date, approximate location, relative location to each user of the watch, battery percentage, and a plethora of other little tidbits!â
I placed the watch upon my right wristâopposite to the shield. Once I connected the straps around my arm, the device buzzed to life with a slight vibration. From a set of speakers on the side of the frame, I heard Solisâ compressed voice exit the watch, âHello, Autumn! I see youâve found the Watch that Receives Information and Statistics Thoroughly, or the WRIST!â
The sudden appearance of Solis caused me to jolt in reaction. Instinctively, I extended my arm away from my body to distance myself from the device. Instinctively, I barked at the watch with a panicked tone, âHow do you know itâs me?!â
âSimple,â Solis replied stoically, âHumans naturally shed dead skin cells over a short period of time. I was able to extract a few samples to add to my database of information. Once the watchâs sensor picked up the composition of your skin, I was given an immediate answer with 98% confidence.â
âGreat! Fantastic. Not creepy at all.â
âIâm glad you appreciate my impressive infrastructure of information, Autumn. None of the council members seem to share the same joy as me.â
Ozymandias took out his own watch and brought it up to his face. âThat was sarcasm, Solis.â
âOh.â His tone flattened. âI see.â
âThatâs about all of the items Iâve wanted you to have! Is there anything youâd like to look for before we go?â
It was hard to think of anything on the fly. My mind blanked almost instantly, and it took me a few seconds of contemplation before the first item revealed itself in speech, âA backpack, maybe?â
âA backpack!â Ozymandias snapped his fingers. âWhy didnât I think of that? Come, Iâve got just the thing for you!â
We retraced our steps within the storage room. Before we fully left, Ozymandias retrieved a small box from the overhead shelf. Once he opened the flaps, a quick scoop revealed a small metallic projector. The device was no bigger than his fingertip, and the lens fit within the face of the cube.
Ozymandias presented the projector by bringing the device closer to my eyes. âThis is an add-on to the WRIST Solis designed not too long ago! Itâs so recent, he hasnât been able to create an appropriate acronym.â
âIntriguing.â As I acquainted myself with the cube, I noticed a small notch within the frame of the watch on my wrist. âI assume itâs magnetic and fits in one of the small slots on the WRIST?â
âCorrect! If you ever want to store something, simply point the aperture at the item and press on the button on top. It can be retrieved by speaking into the watch.â
âThatâs actually kind of impressive. Where does it send the items?â
âIâm not sure, actually! I havenât really thought about that. Solis mentioned something about a pocket realm, though.â
At the mention of Solis, I expected the watch to beam to life. Almost on cue, my prediction suddenly played in front of my eyes. "It accesses a pocket of space adjacent to our own. The only entrance and exit is through my discretion."
In my peripheral vision, I noticed a blue light flicker in and out. As I brought the object out, I noticed the light originated from the Tabula. Hidden within its symbols was a small gem capable of illumination. Naturally, I flipped through the pages until I landed on a section overwhelmed by a blue tint. Leaving the Tabula open on the page caused the hue to diminish to nothing, leaving only a singular phrase at the top of the page.
AND LAQUE, SIGNED MIYANA.
Miyana's handwriting was crude. Her lines were rushed and her curves were uneven. I was completely blindsided on how she heard our conversation.
Ozymandias flipped open his Tabula around the same time as me. As he read the phrase in full, he let out a small sigh in reaction. "Don't worry about how she heard that, you'll learn in time."
Confusion stained my face. All I could do was dumbfoundedly stare back at Ozymandias as I questioned him, "So Solis and Miyana can listen in on our every word? Don't you find that a little creepy?"
"Well, Miyana doesn't have a direct means to communicate back, but yes. You kind of live with it."
The Tabula's page updated in real time. With every stroke, I watched as the exact motion played out in full. In the end, a second string of words sat underneath the first at an uneven tilt, MANDY'S BACK POCKET.
Ozymandias reached his free hand back into the recesses of his khaki pants. Once his hand returned to my vision, he presented a small wad of goo which stuck to the palm of his hand.
"It's confusing," he reiterated, "You'll learn in due time."
Soon after, we all met up within the nexus' station. The tram's platform held a plethora of posters depicting a wide array of locations. The poster which caught my attention depicted my hometown, Temple Coast. A large port hung over a vanishing sea. Its wooden stilts were submerged in the waves below. The towering buildings were reduced to nothing more than stumps in the background of the image.
The poster depicting the Kingdom of Sol held a similar design. An enlarged sun engulfs the top portion of the image, with the kingdom's tan-colored castle perched atop an overhead hill.
Suddenly, Miyana's voice pierced through my concentrated focus, "I see you're bored enough to look at the posters."
I scrambled in place for a little bit before collecting my composure. As I formulated my words, an annoyed inflection wormed its way through my speech, "Well, there's nothing else to do. I was waiting for you to get here."
"You could talk to Mandy, I've heard he's a well of information you just have to pry open."
Ozymandias was caught off guard by the mention of his name. He gave a brief wave toward the both of us alongside a slight nod.
The station's tunnel slowly illuminated with light. A gradual shift from a pitch black corridor to a blinding flash flushed the hallway whole.
The exterior and interior of the tram reminded me of the trams found in the Kingdom of Sol. The interior, especially, held the same bolted bars which ran across the ceiling. Because of the cart's vacancy, we all sat down in a small booth situated near the wall.
The scenery wasn't as grand as the underground cities as previously seen. There was nothing more than a barricade of concrete walls and occasional overhead lights.
Miyana preoccupied herself with an unfamiliar scroll. She studied a selection of text caught between two sets of rollers. Ozymandias, on the opposite side of the booth, read a book titled "The Great Regression". Plastered on the book's cover was an image of an underground metropolis taken from afar. The city's lights softly hugged the outline of the buildings.
As he placed the book down on the table, his attention remained forward. Ozymandias furrowed his eyebrows while he relaxed his shoulders. Without any extra movements, he let out a somber sigh and slumped forward. "I know this is a strange question, but I have to ask. Do you have any regrets in life?"
It took me a moment to realize he was talking to me. After looking back between Miyana and off toward the empty seats, I trailed my words off within my reply, "No...?"
"You've lived a long life, then. Were you ready to accept your death, Autumn?"
"Not really. I mean, it felt like I left my world too soon."
"Too soon? What do you mean?"
"I wasn't able to save anyone from the VeinfindersâI couldn't save my mom. I don't know if that world still exists out there. I can't tell if they're okay."
"Right, I understand."
"I don't regret anything, but I do feel remorse. If that makes any sense."
"No, I get what you mean. You did everything you wanted to in life?"
"After I finished my education, I fully expected to aimlessly wander until my destiny called me. I never expected my village to be ransacked, nor did I expect to go on this big journey across Caelitra."
"Makes sense. Have you acclimated to the change in pace or are you still adjusting?"
"Oh, I'm well acquainted with the adventuring life by now."
I idly tapped my fingertips against the metal top of the table.
"What about you? I bet you asked the question with some answer in mind."
"Oh, me?"
"Yeah. Who else would I be talking to?"
Miyana interjected herself into the conversation, "Why yes, Autumn, I do have a few regrets. Thank you for asking me."
Ozymandias rolled his eyes.
"I'm messing with you, kid. I've got nothing of value for you."
The ex-priest pressed his elbows against the table. His gaze wandered off toward the tram's scenery as he contemplated his answer. "Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I was a little more confident as a kid."
I raised an eyebrow toward Ozymandias. "More confident? What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm pretty daring as-is, but there's only so much I'll risk. I'll sacrifice an arm and a leg if it means saving a life, but beyond that..."
Ozymandias sighed.
"I stepped away from priesthood because I couldn't see myself any happier. I've spent weeks adventuring across the land without rest. Once I settled down, it just didn't feel the same."
"Being ordained takes years of effort, why did you go through it all if it wasn't your calling?"
"I wanted to make everyone around me happy; my mom, my dad. You're born with a special gift, and everyone proclaims my destiny's already written for me."
"I get that, yeah."
"I have a great relationship with Skymarcher, don't get me wrong. Once I had no one else to impress, I just had to find something else that would impress me instead."
I softly nodded in response.
We both stopped talking afterward. I didnât know how to salvage the conversation. Ozymandiasâ mood had completely soured. Miyana, on the other hand, seemed to be unaffected. She reached her hand out toward the ex-priest and tapped her fingers against her palm in a one-handed clap. Without another word, Ozymandias returned the pink sludge which rested in his pocket.
The tramâs rhythmic thumping filled the silence of the cart. As I focused on the noise, I noticed the chairâs subtle vibration. It was almost therapeutic. With nothing else to occupy my mind, I soon fell asleep with my head resting in my arms.
My dreams resumed my previous recounts. Slowly, the kingdomâs scenery faded in as a blanket across the ground. Past the condensed city were the open fields of the island. I couldnât make out much of the ground or structures other than the overwhelming gray ground. Â
I knew how cold the table's surface was. The tram's muffled rumbling had long been forgotten in my head. The distant chirping of birds and whistling winds filled my ears. As I pressed my elbows against the curved railing, I could feel the pressure between my arms and the barrier.
Suddenly, the door behind me creaked open. I could've sworn the footsteps beforehand were audible, but I couldn't identify them among the soundscape. Laque peeped his head through the door as both his fingers wrapped around to support him.
His tone had quieted since we last met. The prince started his conversation with a list of updates, "I've notified the guards not to disturb this room. If you need anything from them, there's a speaker near this door that you can use to call for. Caesar said he'll be staying with some relatives while he's out. Is there anything else you need?"
Laque had given me his bedroom to stay in. His bedside curtains separated the king-sized chamber from the greater room. A mirror decorated with an ornate border sat flush within the light red walls. Most impressive of all was his collection of books. One wall was dedicated to housing various literature. I'm not sure if he mentioned if they were off limits.
Nonetheless, I replied to him with a hint of confusion, "Are you sure you want me to take your room? Where are you going to stay?"
"Ah, don't worry about me," Laque scoffed, "I've got other places to sleep. Even if it isn't in the castle, I'm sure Domi wouldn't mind me crashing out at his lover's palace for a few nights."
"Well, if you insist. I wouldn't pass up a bedroom like this for the world."
"No one would! You'd be stupid to, at least."
I let out a reactionary chuckle. His statement wasn't at all amusing to me, but I wanted to show my gratitude somehow.
"Besides, I know training today was rough. If I worked myself down to the bone and had to sleep in some tucked-away guest room, I'd feel a little demotivated. Would you?"
"If you put it that way, yeah. I would feel a little demotivated."
Earlier, I spent most of the day learning the basics of Ichor and Ambrosia. I had a solid grasp on what Ichor was, but learning of Ambrosia felt like its own beast. It wasn't much of a real fourth color. Rather, it was a layer. Ambrosia alone isnât a stable color. There has to be a foundation for it to rest on.
Laque spent the rest of the allotted time showcasing how Ambrosia worked. It was strange to see it in action. There was only so much he could do alone, however. He used my body as a conduit to create a concentration of Ambrosia on a nearby vase. While the pottery barely changed in normal view, a thin layer of Ambrosia covered the vase from base to lip.
"Ambrosia is everywhere," Laque explained, "It's in trace amounts throughout the fabric of reality. Think of your body as a magnet. You're able to create mountains out of microscopic molehills if you work hard enough."
Light manipulation, he called it. Like any other Ichor-based ability, controlling light takes up energy just as any other activity does. Even if it wasn't Ambrosia, I could shift the hue of an object by attracting the tones around it.
Laque's explanation echoed in my mind, "Like camouflage. I think that's about as good as you're going to get currently. Ambrosia is a conduit of energy akin to Ichor. It's processed differently in the body compared to Ichor."
As I pressed my hand against the Ambrosia-layered vase, I harnessed the same feeling Laque had coursed through my body. My concentration weighed itself on my fingertips as I felt the individual muscles of my hand strain.
Alas, the Ambrosia repelled from my hand. An invisible ring hung around the vase's center.
"That's interesting," Laque commented, "Not desired, but a useful trait to consider. Allow me."
As the prince controlled his energy through my body like a puppet, the Ambrosia returned back to the vase in force. Suddenly, the pot disappeared completely from normal view.
"Ambrosiaâin high densitiesâabsorbs color. This is more than camouflage, but it's harder to perform. Compacting Ambrosia works similar to compacting a bundle of clothes in a bag. You are also capable of this. Not after our training, but at most down the line."
For a brief moment, my sense's were completely overwhelmed by the excess of energy. My eyes fogged with a purple hue as I heard a deluge of voices whisper around my being. Every breath felt heavier as the last, as my mouth further dried with each second.
Laque noticed the state I was in and quickly retracted his concentration. When I looked back at him, his face soured with his attention shied away from meâremorse.
Even his tone took on a meek volume, "That's enough training for today. We'll have enough time to roughen everything out, don't worry."
There was a lot to consider from day one of work. Every once in a while, I placed my hand upon a surface and concentrated my focus to pulse the Ambrosia away from my hand. Laque didn't seem to mind my off-handed practice. If anything, he smiled with each attempt.
Once he finished through his updates, Laque stepped through the door in full. He slowly shut the door behind him with his eyes glued upon the detail. "Sorry if I seem a little too forward. This is all a little much to process, even for me."
I simply shrugged. The king-sized mattress felt like a cloud underneath my weight. I wonder why he gave me his bedroom.
"You can say that again," I jabbed, "You've lived your life in specialty. I've been thrown into the extraordinary against my will."
Laque feebly laughed. It took him a moment to muster a response, "That's life, sometimes. Either you're born afflicted by luck or devoid of circumstance. Fate's a cruel tryst."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Autumn, do you believe in free will?"
I looked back at Laque with a confused expression.
"Ever since man's gained the ability to think, we've questioned if we've truly divorced ourselves from destiny."
"I'd like to believe so, at least. There has to be some form of agency I have in life."
I watched Laque's face contort. I couldn't pinpoint if it was an exact expression other than a processed reaction.
"What, is that not the case?"
"Well, yes and no. If anyone's able to see the future, then that means it's a definitive point in time. Therefore; if there is a future, there is no free will."
"If you phrase it that way, yeah. I get what you're saying."
"So far, there isn't a future. The closest I've ever seen to foresight is Domi's ability to see all possible outcomes at once. Otherwise, nothing. I'm sure if you asked him, he'd give a better answer."
"Right, of course."
Laque occupied himself by pacing around the rounded carpet on the ground. He held his hands behind his back with his head leaned forward. For a moment, I saw his left hand glow with a yellow aura. The effect concentrated itself on his middle finger and thumb before he would snap his fingers. Soon after, the aura diminished.
Then, he stopped. Laque planted his feet in the ground and fixed his attention on me. "Free will exists only in the common man."
"Pardon?" His straight-faced delivery knocked my train of thought out of place. "Common man?"
"Realistically, no one has free will. You're constantly shaped and formed by the influences of your life from the day you were born. Your destiny implants itself as your ambitions, or haunts you if ignored. The only people who can separate themselves the farthest from their destiny are those who are born without talent or heritage."
I couldn't muster a response. There wasn't anything within my thoughts that would meet the requirements for speech.
"It's worse if you're born with a gift. That's where you and I are the same, Autumn. Even if you've been unaware of your Ambrosian origins, it's influenced your way of life below your subconscious. There'll be a point where it'll all make sense to you, and only you. Do you get what I'm saying?"
Slowly, I nodded.
"That's good. I envy those who're born in this world without merit. All they have to their name is the skin on their back and their families' silent professions. They'll spend the bulk of their lives living in the melds of society up until they're buried in a grave which'll hold their name for a few centuries, at minimum.
"They're forgotten as quickly as they're remembered. They'll live a life fulfilled and with purposeâa feeling fueled by freedom. In their lives, there were no expectations to meet. That's what it means to have free will. No strings attached. The less anchored you are to life's whims, the harder it is to predict you."
A smile curved upon Laque's face. Not long after, he'd clasp his hands in front of his chest.
"If you ignore your destiny, it simply haunts you. If you're born to a guild of musicians, you'll forever see the patterns of the fates you've abandoned until you die. There's no escape from it, yet you're given that choice. Isn't that strange?"
"A little, yeah. Does this have to do with the name 'Azathoth'?"
"You're catching on. I'm not sure his influences shaped how much of your life. I'd be concerned if you were the reincarnation of the Nightmare Veteran. Given your connection with Ambrosia and your overall appearanceâhave you seen yourself in a mirror recently?"
"Not in a while, no."
"There's one behind you. Take a look."
I stood before Laque's ornate mirror. At first, I noticed my straightened strands of hair. Laid between my eyes was a spike of brown hair which reached down to the bridge of my nose. Only now did I notice how thin my eyebrows were.
My outstretched hair laid over my outfitâs shoulder pads. Hours earlier, Laque gave me a spare of his clothes to wear in lieu of my set of deteriorating clothes. They were a lot more comfortable to wear than those puffy cotton garments. The overall's straps were a little burdensome to me, as well.
I watched Laque approach from the mirror's view. He stood a fair distance away before continuing with his thoughts, "You look strikingly similar to Fasol. I'm convinced you're closely related, at least."
I repeated the name back to him while attempting to respect the language, "Fasol?"
"Yes. Solfami Laremore Laredoâhis full name. I think you're questioning if the definition is proving enough."
"I don't know what that means."
"It doesn't mean anything now. It used to translate to a name, but since they've been practically forgotten..."
"Right, I understand. Strange."
"I'm done prodding you for the day. I'll wake you up tomorrow once it's time to continue with our work."
"Sounds good. If I'm not well-rested by the time you wake me up, then your mattresses are a sham."
Laque lightly laughed at my comment. He turned his attention to the exit. Not another word was spoken as he exited his bedroom.
However, I was curious. Before he completely stepped out, I called out to him, "Wait! before you go..."
The door stopped before it closed completely. Laque's head popped out from the other side in a similar manner to the beginning of our encounter.
"I don't get why people call you a deity," I continued, "So far, you've just been some prince with some extraordinary set of skills."
His smile returned back to him. "I thought you'd never ask. Step outside and look at the moon. I think I've wasted enough of your time."
Quickly, I raced outside to step out to the balcony. Nothing had changedâneither the city nor the sky.
Out of the daytime sky, a selection of stars glistened among the cloudless sea. They were bright enough to contrast the moon's luminosity. It was impossible to count how many dots littered the sky, but it was difficult to find a void among the newly created collage.
Out from the sun's radius spiked a radiant spear. It was far more concentrated than a simple solar flare. The arrow quickly pierced the center of the moon. A barrage of high-speed projectiles and debris escaped the entrance and exits of the satellite. It was silent. I couldn't see the damage done to the moon itself, but the light of the beam illuminated the aftermath up until it soared past the horizon and out toward deep space.
It was silent. All the stars slowly vanished behind the daytime sea as the moon's position noticeably changed in the sky. I didn't have a frame of reference to go off of, but I could only assume the orbit was off-centered. I remember by the time of my death, the moon had completely vanished from the night sky. It was sent spiraling out toward the vast expanse of night. We lost our moon.
Laque never explained what caused the spike exactly. There wasn't a reason for the stars' presence or the moon's disappearance. Even as I asked him, he wouldn't say a word. The heavens bent to his will. The myths surrounding him must've been true. If there was anyone who could sew the night sky together, it would be him; the Unconquerable Sun.
Chapter 6
I opened my eyes to the familiar view of the tram. Nothing had changed between when I first dozed off and now. Ozymandias continued to preoccupy himself within his book. Miyana, on the other hand, shuffled a deck of cards between her hands.
After a few sets, she tapped Ozymandiasâ shoulder while presenting the stack of cards to him. âThe kidâs awake. Do you want to play Match-Ups?â
The ex-priest looked up from his book in confusion. He closed the book with his finger on the opened page to keep his place. After a moment of contemplation, he responded, âMatch-Ups? Isnât that a kidâs game?â
âNo oneâs got any money or stakes to gamble. Unless the both of you suddenly get comfortable with strip poker.â
âMatch-Ups it is!â
Miyana throws out the cards one by one. As I take a look at the cards, I notice the face cardâs design. Mirrored across the cardâs diagonal diameter was Goddess Fortuna. Her simplified depiction emphasized her helmetâs horned design and polished armor.
Before now, I was acquainted with the basic jesters, queens, and kings on the cardâs faces. Seeing Goddess Fortuna take the place of the queen filled in the gaps of what the rest of the faces could be.
âRight!â Ozymandias chirped, âWeâve got ten minutes until arrival, so this should kill enough time until then. Shall we begin?â
Miyana placed the rest of the cards on the center of the table while she spread out her hand within her index and thumb. âSure. Got any sevens?â
âNope! Scavenge.â
I wasnât sure if I was up next, or if it was Ozymandiasâ turn. I got my answer soon as I noticed both of their eyes looked on toward me. âMy turn, right. Got any queens, Miyana?â
She clicked her tongue and shook her head. âBetter luck next time, flower girl. Scavenge.â
The next card on top of the deck was a king card with the depiction of Skymarcher. A nebulous figure covered the card with a single orange fox mask obscuring a wisp sat on top of his torso.
Ozymandiasâ face lit up with glee. He brought his cards close as he pinched a specific card among the pile. âSo, Autumn, Iâve heard you have a queen on hand?â
That only confirmed my suspicion. I asked the wrong person. Once I revealed my queen to Ozymandias, he placed the rest of his deck face down to reveal a similar queen in his possession.
The rest of the game continued on as-usual. Ozymandiasâ spirit seldom wavered while me and Miyana kept a stoic glare.
I already knew who would win in the end. With a few minutes left I decided to chat with Ozymandias alongside our game of Match-Ups. âSo, remind me again, what are we looking for in our trip to Calcine?â
âOur trip?â He glanced up from his deck, âOh, right! I havenât told you what we were looking for, have I?â
âYou have not.â
âMy mistake! Before I continue, any twos?â
âNope, Scavenge.â
Ozymandias snatched up the topmost card from the deck.
âAs you were saying, Mandy.â
âCalcine, for the most part, has a few areas sanctioned off by a few sectors of Fortuna's Army, aptly named the Historians. Some settlements like the Grand Capital and Almahci are heavily guarded, while some unimportant areas like the Excavation Zones and the Outskirts.â
âUh-huh.â
âSolis found a small Parabellum colony deep in the Excavation Zone near Spaceripperâs Ruins. If we donât find anything of value there, weâve got another plan to scope out another colony somewhere along the Gravel Beach. The main problem with this location is weâd have to sneak around a platoon of Historians.â
âYou know now that youâve mentioned it, thatâs going to be our hail mary.â
âOh, no doubt about it. Itâs best to check the first point of interest just in case, you know?â
âAs long as we get something of value from it.â
Ozymandias reached into his deck and handed Miyana one of his cards. With her final pair, she placed it in her pile and locked her fingers together afterward. In triumph, she proclaimed, âThatâs my last card, I win.â
The ex-priest raised an eyebrow as he looked down toward his deck. âNot so fast, weâre going by pairs not by time.â
âWell you shouldâve said that beforehand.â
âItâs the standard while playing Match-Ups. I wouldâve called if we were playing by time.â
âWhatever, sure. Iâm sure none of you will surpass me in pairs anyway.â
âAh, I wouldnât be too sure. Thereâs still a quarter of the deck left.â
Miyana crossed her arms.
âWeâve got another two minutes until the tram pulls into the station. I think thatâll be enough time to wrap up the game.â
âOn a quarter of a deck? Iâd rather pack up than play a speed round.â
âTry me! Got any nines, Autumn?â
The next minute quickly devolved into chaos. We each barked numbers and faces at each other as we hastily drew and threw cards around the table. By the end, we both ended the game with a battlefield of cards between us.
Ozymandias quickly pointed his finger around the table. He softly counted up under his tongue before speaking the final number out loud. At the end of it all, he looked up at me with a smile. âLooks like you have the most pairs, Autumn! Congratulations.â
We uprooted ourselves from the tram's seating to exit the cart. Once we exited out into the station, Ozymandias led us further past the platform.
He motions toward a set of scooters similar to Solis' vehicle. At first, I was confused at why he would show them off to me. Once Ozymandias walked up and inserted a few gel-batteries into the machine, the depleted scooter pushed itself into the air and stabilized above the ground.
Miyana and I both followed suit. She fished out a few pods similar in design to Solis' breakfast and handed them to me.
"This'll last us the day," she assured me, "Ozymandias forgot to equip you with some batteries. Remind me, I'll fix that later."
We both exited the station to hurry down a winding cavern corridor. Our scooters' lights illuminated the widely carved path. Every hundred or so meters a dim lamp sat as milestones along the way. As we approached urban outposts, the cavern slowly narrowed into a structured tunnel with metallic designs into its own highway station. The opposite effect occurred as we exited out to the wilderness again.
There wasn't much to write home about the caverns minus their varied stalactites and stalagmites on the edges. Any trace of civilization rarely showed itself. However, nearly fifteen minutes in, we encountered a tunnel which expanded out to a vast tunnel.
Plastered among the walls of the highway were various graffiti markings and advertisements about the Grand Capital. Two of the most prominent symbols were Parabellum's dagger and a gem of an unfamiliar companyâTechnology of the Ruined Underground.
A continuous road of sidewalks formed the lanes of the highway as they hugged the walls. Every kilometer was a concrete door labeled EXIT. The waist-high neon lights and overhead lights guarded by iron bars slightly clued me in to our whereabouts.
Miyana, suddenly, fills one of her palms up with a handful of slime. With her fingers crushing the gelatinous material, she opens them with two identical earbuds. She sped up to ride alongside Ozymandias. Once Miyana tosses him an earbud, she slows down significantly to match speed with me. My catch wasn't fully secure. Once the earbud bounced off my palm, I frantically clamped my hand down to stop its motion.
Without question, I inserted the earbud in my left ear. A high-pitched voice imitated the sound of static before returning a few coherent words, "Testing, testing. Can you hear me?"
The other voice spoke within a falsetto range. I couldn't tell if this was on purpose or if this was their natural voice. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I kept my eyes on the road as I talked, "I can hear you. Are you supposed to sound like that?"
"It's the slimes. They're listening to what you say and they're relaying it as true to the source as it can."
"Ah, that's interesting to know."
The voice continues with a noticeable accentâsimilar to Ozymandias', "If you're concerned about whether the Historians will find us, they don't have a clear access point to this specific tunnel. The exit points have long been out of commissionâwe tried. Unless they're keen on the idea of falling a few hundred feet, we're completely separated."
The active hums and whirs of the scooter fill in the gaps between conversation. The original voiceâone in line with Miyana's cadencesâreturns to pose a new question, "What ever happened to TRU after the Sonatans gradually migrated to Caelitra?"
"I think it just disappeared." Without the president of the company to man the helm, it mainly just dissolved."
"Through the people? Did he control his workers like slaves?"
"Kind of? Well, yes, he did. The main reason TRU crumbled was because of profits. No one needed their services to survive underground when they could just leave. They stuck it out to the very endâI think fifty years since the beginning of the migration?"
"Wild. Was Parabellum on the same path as TRU?"
"Primarily, yes. Most of their issues came with their head scientist suddenly vanishing. Without his guidance, the main contractors cut their deals and left. I think the company still exists somewhere in Caelitra, I just can't remember where and how."
"Make sense."
"Since Caelitra gave the Sonatans an ample supply of resources to survive on an individual level, TRU was proven worthless. Capitalism exists in the conditions that all other resources have been exploited and all that remains is human life. It keeps you busy, it stimulates the economy, and exists as a renewable commodity."
"We still have to lug around coins, though. I don't get why it 'died with TRU' when I have to deal with its whale fall consequences."
"Oh, it has. Money exists as a means of value rather than a necessity of life. It's easier to quantify goods and services and to trade upon the middle man than to try and justify a ratio between two foreign needs."
"It's just a tool, then?"
"Yes, it's just a tool. Didn't they teach you this during your education?"
"I didn't get oneâI was taught under my mother's guidance."
"That makes sense. Family traditions are harder to break than bad habits."
We left the Grand Capital's general vicinity as indicated by the pathway's diminishing quality. The expansive, information-plagued walls rescind to nothing more than a set of lanterns and a spiraling path.
"Just a few more minutes," Ozymandias reminded us.
The scenery was nothing more than boring. After the bare minimum of stimulation through the Grand Capital's sector, the rest of the way over dragged on for what felt like hours.Â
Miyana seemed to be bored as well. With one hand on the scooter, she used her free hand to throw a small spherical object in front of her. Once it bounced off of the ground, the ball bolted back and past her hand. With a quick flick of her wrist, she turned her palm to face behind her. The ball thrusted back into her hand by an unknown force. This process continued with each catch.
We stopped near a small settlement off the cavern's highway. Ozymandias parked his scooter near a collection of crates. Miyana contributed to the impromptu pile before she left to join the ex-priest. I didn't want to stray far from their routine.
A thinly-traced path led to groupings of hemispherical tents. Canvas walls drape themselves alongside the cavern, obscuring the rocky walls in an impromptu room. Before a sealed metallic door was an oil lantern which had long run dry.
Ozymandias stepped up to the door with his gaze fixed on the nearby number pad. He soon brought his hand up to his chin in contemplation as he observed the details. "So far, it looks like the two, six, seven, and nine keys are the most weathered. If we were to assume the first number isn't forgotten as often as the rest of the sequence..."
Amidst his ramblings, Miyana stepped up with her WRIST near her mouth. "Solis, search the Parabellum Archives for number pad combinations. Sort them by location."
I couldn't understand what Ozymandias was saying anymore. I lost my focus five seconds in. I watched Miyana flick her finger against the watch's screen for a brief few seconds before pressing her finger on the pane. She brought the WRIST up close to her face while typing in a series of numbers on the door's number pad. A consonant beep chirps from the pad's speaker alongside the numbers' backlight flashing light green in response.
At first, Ozymandias was dumbfounded. After some moments in contemplation, he snapped his fingers and reassured himself, "That's right, the Parabellum Archives. I forgot Laque saved a copy before the company crumbled."
The interior designed itself around the cavern's restrictions. A series of rooms continued forward with individual hallways separating different-sized openings. The first room contained a series of crates filled with supplies. White boards line the walls with a litany of unknown text. The most I'm able to glean from their neatly sorted display are a series of numbers and equations. I think I saw a matrix in the bottom right of one of the boards.
Miyana suddenly broke the settlement's silence with her own thoughts, "So, Mandy, give me a rundown. What was this place all about? What are we looking for here, exactly?"
Ozymandias took a moment for himself to reply. He began his explanation with a slight hum. "If I have my information correct, this is the research team tasked with finding a way to break through Spaceripper's armor."
"That explains all the weird symbols, like all these triangles and a bunch of x's."
"They weren't successful in finding a solution. Instead, their research led them to create a substance that can directly counter 'Eigenmagic'âwhat we call Ichor today."
"And how did they achieve it?"
"I don't know, actually! That's a great question, maybe Solis has a digestible answer."
"You know what? Forget it. I think I'll stay wondering."
"Suit yourself. This is mainly for your benefit, actually. Since the solution they found is a substance, they were able to apply it to a wide range of weapons. Old World Firearms, MEL weapons, and most importantly blades in the form of a thin coating."
"You have my attention."
"If you're able to land a decent hit on General Ravsangal, that'll allow the coating to enter her bloodstream and react with the Ichor to neutralize it. It'll even the playing field out by a significant amount."
Without another word, Miyana breaks out in a sprint further through the research lab.
"Seems like that satisfied her as a response."
I waited until Miyana was fully out of the conversation before questioning Ozymandias, "General Ravsangal? I swear I've heard that name before."
"Oh, you probably have," he reassured me, "Not a day goes by where Miyana doesn't mention her name."
"Is there some sort of feud between those two?"
"More than a feud, I think. They both applied for the Head General position in Fortuna's Army. Ravsangal won out due to someâand I'm paraphrasing from Miyana hereâsome outlandish prediction spewed out by Goddess Fortuna herself."
"So she lost because she was destined to?"
"Yep, right on the money."
"What was the exact wording of the prediction?"
"It's been a while. If I remember correctly, it's something like 'let the flowers guide you to your greatest desires', or something like that."
"Interesting."
"According to Miyana, she didn't fulfill the fortune and so she wasn't chosen."
"Well, that sounds kind of outlandish. Was she more qualified than Ravsangal?"
"Through her recounts, yes."
"So Goddess Fortuna turned her down because of reasons outside her control?"
"Sounds about right."
I furrowed my eyebrows in response.
"It's Goddess Fortuna. If she says you're unlucky, you can't really say anything against that."
"I get that. I mean, I guess I'd also be inconsolable if that were me."
"I would too. I'm not sure why she targets her anger on General Ravsangal, but she hasn't been the best in terms of leadership."
"Oh? How so?"
Suddenly, Miyana's voice bounced around the empty chambers of the laboratory, "Found it!"
Ozymandias and I both rushed through the opened doors toward Miyana's location. In her hand was a small glass vial with an opaque gray substance inside. A strip of tape runs across the top of the vial with a small string of text written on; AEM-2.
"Okay!" She cheerfully exclaimed, "We're all done here. Let's head back and grab some grub back at the dining hall!"
Ozymandias let out a small laugh. He reached his hand behind his head to rub the backside of his neck. "You seem pretty eager to get out of here. Did you forget we still need to investigate the settlement near the Gravel Beach?"
"Oh, come on. Do we have to?"
"Do you want more of an advantage against Ravsangal?"
Miyana remained silent.
"Here, I'll compromise. I'll have Solis deliver some food, and by the time we reach the Gravel Beach, he'll be there with some lunch. Sound good?"
"Ah, sure, whatever. How long's the trip over then?"
"A little more than an hour."
"Oh come on!"
"We can't take the main route through the Grand Capital since we'll run into some Historians on the way, so we have to navigate around their highway outposts."
There was a brief moment of silence before Miyana let out a small harumph.
"It won't take too long. Why don't you place an order now while I communicate with Solis?"
"Okay, Mandy," she sarcastically replied, "Whatever you say."
Miyana broke from the group with heavy footsteps accompanying her departure.
Before I'm able to put in my two cents, Ozymandias walks over and pats me on the shoulder twice. "Don't worry about her, Autumn. She gets angry whenever she's hungry."
Something wasn't adding up in my head. I've completely lost track of the time. I looked down toward my watch to see the centermost numbers read 1:05 PM. How much time have we spent on the road?
We retraced our steps inside the cavern highways. Miyana remained in the back of the line as I occupied myself between her and Ozymandias. I couldn't think of anything to kill the time. Counting the lanterns eventually grew tiring.
The recently retrieved vial came to mind. With a finger pressed against the earbud, I posed my question, "So, what's with the sword?"
"Don't press hard on the earbud," she warned, "It hurts the slime."
"Right, sorry."
"It was a common trend among my hometown. We were infatuated with a lot of media involving heroic swordsmen. Civilized Caelitra doesn't need any sort of protection, it was more of just a past-time."
"That makes sense."
"Once I won a few championships, it kind of felt like I found my calling. Problem was the lack of harder things to fight. You're stuck at the top with nowhere else to go but down. It's a niche skill."
"This place has to be crawling with some hostile monstersâanything, I would assume. Wouldn't it make sense for Ozymandias to bring you for protection?"
"No to the first question, yes to the second. Calcine is completely abandoned. Aside from my slime, I'm just about useless."
"Nothing? No feral dogs? Dwellers? There has to be some groupings of people who'd kill us for trespassing, at least."
"The Historians cleared the place up long ago. Plus, Calcine wouldn't have any of those things that you mentioned. Feral dogs? What are they gonna eat, moss?"
"I guess so. Not even goblins?"
"Goblins are about as made up as cats."
"Didn't the Pre-Sonatans have cats as pets?"
"According to the records, there's no proof."
I took a second to ponder Miyana's statement.
"Listen, I'm about as bummed out as you are that I can't do anything with my set of skills. I hate riding this janky scooter around for hours on end searching through meaningless junk for some minor advantage against someone doused in luck. I'd love to slice open a shambling corpse or seven. Heck, I'd like to give some Historians a run for their money."
"Well why don't you?"
"Mandy says that'll only anger Goddess Fortuna. They have a reason to harm us for trespassing, but we have no right to do the same back."
"That sounds unfair, if anything."
"It is! If I had the opportunity to fend off some Historians to investigate what they're hiding in the Grand Capital, I would've done it by now. Sword fighting's often seen as an act of defense than an act of power, which sucks. I spent a decade of my life climbing the ladders and for what?"
"For status?"
"I don't want status! If I wasn't hidden away from the world, I'd have to deal with an onslaught of rookies challenging me for my title. Do you know how tiring that gets? One minor slip up on their side and it's overâthat's how unbalanced the matchup is. There's no challenge!"
The earbud replicates the noise of a cough.
"I could've joined the war effort in the Heartland, but that's the same problem. I've got nothing."
"Right, I get you."
It was hard to relate to Miyana. The most I could offer her were a few sympathizing words every now and again. Once she had nothing more to say, I prolonged my silence. The conversation left a lot to ponder on, so I found the time well spent.
We took an exit off the cavern highway off a rugged path. The tunnel opened up to an expansive shore with a never-ending sea. Skylights of sunshine illuminated the beach's water. Every once in a while, a stalactite broke off from the ceiling and fell into the sea beneath.
The scooters handled the uneven terrain smoothly. We coasted along the thick blanket of pebbles. I couldn't see myself spending a vacation here.
Behind us was the Grand Capital. Its illuminant lights were barely a match for the sun's rays. I couldn't see much of a barricade gating the city from us. Was it all soldiers?
Ozymandias stuck his right hand out to point toward one of the skylights. "Look over there! Since we're directly underneath the Heartland, these skylights extend up to the surface. Unfortunately, the city above uses the opening as a trash chute."
Clumps of waste and trash fell from the heavens and into the murky waters. An island of trash made itself clear through the repeated breaking of glass and fragile objects and impacts of filled trash bags.
Only now did I hear the waves breaking upon the gravel shores. The waters' motions were muted over the waterfall of trash and the scooter's active hum.
We found refuge in a small grotto off the gravel shore. Our scooters remained near the lip of the cavern while we ventured forward. Loose scribblings of various pigments etched themselves among the wall. Various supports of both metal and wooden frames kept the cave from collapsing in on itself.
As we delved deeper into the grotto, the concentration of Ambrosia increased proportionally. At first, it appeared as nothing more than a few flakes. Over time, it would overwhelm the scribbles and posters on the wall.Â
Eventually, we encountered a web of Ambrosia sealing the rest of the chamber off. Miyana and Ozymandias continued forward. They both ran into the wall of Ambrosia at the same time, causing the two of them to briefly retreat and rub their foreheads in reaction.
Miyana was the first to speak, "Force field!"
Ozymandias went to the wall to press his hand against the material. He ran his fingertips across the webs, smearing a thin layering of Ambrosia in the process. There was a solid layer which he wasn't able to push away.
"It has to be the work of Parabellum," he concluded, "I assume it's some machine that solidifies the air into a solid form for preservation. It'd be too time consuming for me to try and dig out."
Miyana clasped her hands together. "Well! Looks like we have no choice but to turn back."
I couldn't switch my sight to see the barricade without Ambrosia. When I closed my right eye, my vision was equivalent to nothingâa black expanse. Despite this fact, I walked up to the barricade with my outstretched hand. Once I pressed my fingertips against the solid material, I repelled the Ambrosia away from my hands in a concentration of energy.
The Ambrosia only repelled so far. It took me a few more attempts and a bit of maneuvering to create a gap wide enough to fit me through.
Miyana and Ozymandias were dumbfounded. They watched me step past the barrier after a performance rivaling that of a mime. Miyana raised a finger up as if she were to ask a question. However, she slowly lowered her hand after a moment of contemplation.
Ozymandias was the first to speak, "It's Ambrosia, isn't it?"
I nodded.
"I should've guessed that, honestly. Looks like we've got more to explore!"
Miyana let out an audible groan. After I dug my feet in a horizontal line to indicate the barrier's opening, they navigated through the entrance and led the way deeper into the grotto.
We reached the end of the cavern after another minute of walking. A domed interior covered in various wooden tables surrounded a circular platform. Ambrosia veins wrapped around the ceiling and scurried down a smoothened stalactite that pointed down toward the center.
The composition of the room looked eerily similar to the laboratory I saw after I died.
Miyana tapped the tip of the stalactite with her unsheathed sword. "So, what's this about? Doesn't look like something we can carry back."
"Not necessarily." Ozymandias clicked his tongue and shook his head. "According to Parabellum, this is a prototype of something they call 'The Realizer'."
"What a stupid name. Maybe I'm glad they're no longer around."
"The head engineer of Parabellum designed It after his involvement with a similar concept known as 'The Severer'. While the Severer removed a concept from existence, the Realizer would load any item or concept full of Eigenmagic. I'm not sure if they were talking about Ichor or Ambrosia here."
I pointed out the Ambrosia veins before replying, "It's definitely Ambrosia."
"Oh! Well, then we've found the right machine. Do you still have the vial on you, Miyana?"
She retrieved the vial from her pocket and placed it in the center of the platform. Afterward, Miyana stepped back and sheathed her blade back behind her.
"I believe Solis will arrive shortly after we activate the vial. Initially, this whole thing used to be connected up to the surface with the Blight. I think there's enough charge stored up to power up the vial and nothing else."
Miyana looked back to the handle of her sword before returning her gaze to the Realizer. After a moment of contemplation, she voiced her thoughts, "Say, wouldn't there be a better use of this thing than a small vial?"
"Well, I'm not sure about that. The Realizer packs Ambrosia into its target assuming it can keep hold of it. Think of it like filling a gel-battery."
"I see. What if we blast my sword?"
"I don't think that'd do much? If you're thinking it'll turn your sword into a conduit, it'll do the exact opposite. If you channel Ichor into an Ambrosia-ridded blade, it'll nullify. The vial nullifies Ichor on affliction, remember?"
"Shoot, you're right."
Almost on cue, the two slowly turned their attention toward me.
"Hey, Autumn. You wouldn't mind getting hit with an unknown amount of Ambrosia, would you?"
The question initially perplexed me. It took me a moment to stammer out a response, "What do you mean 'unknown amount of Ambrosia'?"
"Say we hypothetically tie you up underneath the Realizer," Miyana continued, "What's the worst that could happen? You're already hopped up on Ambrosia."
"I'm not sure if I'd like that. What about your vial? Isn't that more important?"
"Well, yes. But I could always have you activate it yourself."
Miyana took the vial off the table and violently shook it. The gray substance quickly shined a violet hue before returning back to its gray base.
"Think about the science, Autumn. What if this makes you the strongest person in Caelitra? If you die again, you're already an expert on dealing with the afterlife!"
"I don't even know how I was revived to begin with."
"Ah, Skymarcher will bring you back. He's got an itch for tension."
Ozymandias stepped behind Miyana. He reached his hand over her shoulder and rested his palm against her.
"You don't have to listen to her, Autumn," he reassured me, "If you don't want to go through with this, you don't have to. I know how scary a choice like this can be, so there's no shame in saying no."
Miyana lifted Ozymandias' hand off of her shoulder and scoffed. "Oh, there's clearly shame. We won't know what'll happen to you!"
The ex-priest glared her down. Miyana seemed to notice through her peripheral vision, causing her to sigh in defeat.
"Or, you can say no."
Ozymandias' smile overruled his previous demeanor.
It took me a moment to process the decision. My eyes constantly darted between Miyana and the towering stalactite. I've heard the tales of her strength. The idea of surpassing her powerâeven if it was nicheâwas a little intoxicating.
"Ah, fine," I caved, "Don't say I didn't do this for you, though."
Ozymandias broke from the group to navigate the various electrical consoles. I watched him search around with my back laid against the Realizer's platform. Miyana barely contributed. She stood in place with her undivided attention on me. Suddenly, the ex-priest exclaimed, "Found it!"
His hand hovered over an inconspicuous display. I couldn't see what he found, but I knew it had to be the button which activated the Realizer.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Autumn?" Ozymandias continued, "It's not too late to back out now."
Miyana shook her head. "No, it's too late now. Look up and accept your fate. I'll see you on the other side, flower girl!"
Disregarding her sarcastic interjection, I nodded my head in confirmation.
The next few moments hit me in a blur. As I braced for the Realizer's potential, I faintly heard Ozymandias count down from five. Miyana, on the opposite side of my vision, covered her mouth with her hands in glee. The stalactite itself increased in luminosity. The Ambrosian veins overpowered my sight as its low-rumbling hum drowned out the ambient noise around me. The marble's frigid touch gave way for a warm embrace which engulfed my body. I couldn't tell if I was standing up or laying down.
The Realizer didn't sting. It all felt like one giant hug. When I opened my eyes, I wasn't in the same grotto.
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how did you figure out u were asexual btw
bear in mind I have severe memory loss so take things with a grain of salt, but for the most part I started thinking about it around 13? 14? I was raised very sheltered, so I wasn't exposed to porn or anything. I don't think I saw a vagina until I was 17 and it was because I was on wikipedia looking up info about beaches. there's 2 parts to this specific event but the big one was that I had no reaction to seeing a naked woman beyond anxiety. (because I know I wasn't allowed to, and I was scared I'd get beaten)
I DID however feel a mix of anxiety and what I could only describe as curiosity when I saw some naked guy in the same photo. it wasn't sexual attraction, I didn't pop a boner or anything, something in the back of my head was tickled but I never figured it out beyond that. the same thing would happen in underwear aisles at walmart. so at this point, I had experienced no definitively sexual feelings. I was not attracted to man nor woman.
around this time, my dad was growing concerned with my exceedingly effeminate behavior (it wasn't me acting girly, it was me being silly. I actually hate being referred to with anything remotely suggesting I'm feminine.) so he would constantly try to get me interested in girls, pointing at young girls in public and talking about them. but that just seemed like weirdo behavior to me because I knew I wasn't interested and I knew he was like 50 years old and talking about young girls, so the whole thing didn't work out for him. it just reinforced the idea that I was asexual.
at some point though, the disapproval got so bad that I thought I'd try to become straight. around this time I played bayonetta and had no reaction to it other than thinking it's a cool game with a bad ass bitch protagonist. occassionally I would look up a picture of boobs or something but reactions shifted between "I feel nothing from this" and "I'm anxious and shouldn't be looking at this" (around this time, I became really self conscious about being male, I had girls treat me differently because I ended up around a lot of man-hating feminists, so compounded with my upbringing I got it in my head that I *really* am not allowed to see girls naked, like it is morally wrong to do so)
well. nothing worked. I was about 16 or 17, I was learning about the LGBTQ community and I decided that since I felt nothing for anyone, I must not see gender. I must be pansexual. so I ran with that, but eventually, I just felt uncomfortable having people think sex is something I'm interested in, or I'm some kind of male who's interested in sex, or that I'm gay (grew up in the homophobic south) that I just went back to asexual
from there I properly educated myself on the asexual spectrum. I learned about aegosexuality which I identified with for a brief peried of time before deciding that I once again didn't have any interest in having sex.
eventually, like 2021 and 2022 I learned that under very specific circumstances (which I have a work-in-progress understanding of) I feel some amount of attraction towards guys, or at the very least masculinity / male bodies. however, this is still such a rare occurrence and sex means so little to me that I still identify as acespec (graysexual, grayaro, whatever it is at this point)
tl;dr what made me realize I was asexual was years of introspection and experimentation, education and just the recurring theme of not wanting to have sex.
even for my smash or pass answers, even for any post I make saying "I need him carnally", the former is theoretical and the latter is hyperbolic. because that's just how I learned how to convey my sexual attractions, as small and as infrequent as they may be.
p.s. I always thought that maybe if I wasn't raised sheltered, I would have ended up not being asexual. I genuinely do think a lack of exposure, a lack of influence towards my sexuality during important formative years, combined with kinds of trauma that make me unable to look at people most of the time, ultimately led me to being asexual. that's probably also what led me to being a furry, because I learned I could look at animals and animal-like creatures without having the instinct to look away out of distrust from trauma
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Started thinking about writing a prequel to Moonflower. Got a little squirrely and wrote a possible scene to get myself started. Two questions:
Would anyone want a prequel to the story?
What do you guys think of this "scene" I wrote as a possibility to be part of said prequel?
For reference, Moonflower is a sad story involving Wes (from Supernatural), and if you'd like to read it, you can find it on my Tumblr here or my A03 here.
And here is the scene I wrote (without using names right now, 'cause I don't know if I'm actually gonna use it)
His lips were soft. Warm. Hesitant. He tasted sweet, like chocolate. She kissed him gently, knowing she needed to take things slow. She wasnât sure yet just how ready he was to acknowledge the passion she knew fueled him, even if he had hidden that part of himself away. He had buried it deep within, unwilling to let it burst free. Her lips brushed against his once more, her tongue gliding across the seam of his lips before she pulled back and slowly opened her eyes. She offered him a small smile and stroked his cheek as he met her gaze, his eyes filled with an unspoken need for love. He needed this. Her. He needed to trust that she wouldnât be like all of the others. That she wouldnât laugh at him or go on a date with him as a dare, only to toss him aside like yesterdayâs garbage right after. He swallowed audibly, his Adamâs apple bobbing as he blinked and tried to find the words to let her know exactly what he was feeling right now.
âI donât know if I can do this,â he whispered, his voice breaking. His eyes fluttered closed and he let out a sigh. His shoulders hunched in defeat, and she could feel her heart breaking all over again. The pain this man had been through⌠the suffering⌠it was all so heavy against his soul. She wasnât sure if she could fully free him from the misery that was slowly chipping away at him, but she knew she would do whatever it took to bring him back into the light. She would spend the rest of eternity proving to him that he was more than worthy of love. Her love. He deserved every ounce of happiness she could give him.
âI love you,â she murmured, offering him a quick kiss on the cheek. âI know you donât believe me yet, but just know that my heart belongs only to you. Every part of meâmind, body, and soulâis yours to keep. Forever. I want you to know that. Every beat of my heart, every breath from my lungs, is all for you. Only you. I love you.â
A sob escaped him, tears springing to his eyes. Deep down, he knew she was telling him the truth. Every word was sincere, wrapping around his heart and comforting him in a way heâd never known before. But he wasnât ready to admit it. He wasnât ready to fully believe it yet. He couldnât. There was still that small sliver of doubt niggling at the back of his mind, whispering that her words meant nothing. That she couldnât be trusted. Every other woman heâd asked out had seemingly shunned him. Ruined him. Broken him. Why should she be any different?
He shook his head and pushed her away from him, swiping at the tears trailing down his cheeks. He hated feeling so weak and hopeless. So worthless. But he couldnât help the warring emotions swirling inside him. Another choked sob tumbled from his lips, and he turned away from her, unable to look at her anymore. He couldnât handle the thought that she might be lying, and if he looked into her eyes, the only thing he would see looking back at him would be pity. Or worseâscorn.
âIâm sorry,â he mumbled. âPlease go. I need to be alone right now.â
She stood there for a moment, staring at him with her own eyes brimming with tears. Then she reached out and gently ran a hand down his back before saying, âYou know Iâll always be there for you. Whenever youâre ready, Iâll be waiting. I meant it when I said I loved you. Iâm yours.â
With those final words, she turned and walked away, her heart shattering into a million tiny pieces as she did so.
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Fun with Fungi!
Huh, what's this? *cleans away dust* oh, yeah, this blog is still a thing. I probably should've written more reviews, but...
I mean, I could come up with an excuse, but I'm too lazy. Just as I am too lazy to continually update this book review blog that nobody reads. I mean, I just wrote a review *consults calendar* uh. In 2022. Dang, I have been lazy. Oh well.
I'm like a rug on valium, I'm talking lazy.
And by that, I mean: let's have a dual review of the Sworn Soldier series: What Moves the Dead and its sequel, What Feasts at Night by T. Kingfisher!
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Those covers, man. They're awesome, but at the same time: poor bun bun. Poor horsie.
So technically, what I'm doing here is not one but two reviews. So I'm actually being really, really productive right now and not lazy in the slightest.
This is a legitimately true story, I swear. Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away...by which I mean, four or five years back or so, I'd never heard of T. Kingfisher / Ursula Vernon in my life until I got into a fight with her on Twitter* on whether or not the fruit of the hazel tree should be referred to as Filberts or Hazelnuts.
For the record, I am firmly team hazelnut. I mean, they're nuts from a hazel tree. Hazel+nuts = hazelnuts. Who in their right mind wants to eat something called a filbert? But, terminology varies as T. Kingfisher is firmly on team filbert. My parents also call them filberts on occasion which is weird to me as we live in an area lousy with hazelnut farms.
Mmmm, Hazelnuts...
Anyway! I had no idea who this person was but I got into a tongue-in-cheek gif fight on Twitter with them regarding hazelnut v. filbert. Feeling bad that I got into a fight with a random person online on their hazel tree fruit name preferences, I went to their profile, saw they were an author, looked up their books and bought the two books of the Clocktaur Wars series. I tore through them, and continued on, reading all of the World of the White Rat series (I just saw that we're getting a new one in January and I might have let out a bit of a fangirl screech), and the absolutely delightful A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking and Minor Mage. So far, every single one of T. Kingfisher's books that I've read has been awesome. Nettle & Bone? Amazing. Thornhedge? I'm a very slow reader, but I devoured it in an afternoon.
T. Kingfisher writes amazing fantasy novels and I absolutely love them. She also writes horror. Which is where I hit a brick wall because I'm a baby who doesn't handle horror well. I don't like horror movies. I don't often read horror books. Because the world is scary enough without ghosts and poltergeists and demons and jump scares. Also I watched The Ring when I was 12 and it scared the shit out of me. Anyway! Oddly enough, I've always found myself drawn to horror-type stories. I mean, horror fits so well in fantasy and sci-fi (looking at you, Doctor Who episodes that gave me nightmares). As an adult, I've found myself more and more willing to dip my toe into horror fiction. Season 1 of The Terror, one of my favorite-ever TV series is considered horror (maybe because it's not jump-scare scary, it's existentially scary. Also it's set in the past. Also it's got dudes-on-boats, my favorite genre). Part of me really, really likes horror stories set in the past - no horror like 18th/19th/Early 20th century horror, amirite?
Right?
Well, whatever, I just like horror to be ye olde timey horror, OK? Like Crimson Peak, The Witch, The Death of Jane Lawrence, Mexican Gothic, The Woman in Black, The Hacienda, Vampires of El Norte, The Hunger ... spooky-scary Gothic-y-Romantic-y-type stories that have a historical element to them. Those are awesome. I'm slowly - very slowly! - getting myself to read more contemporary horror stories. I understand that The Twisted Ones and A House With Good Bones are really, really good, but....what can I say, I'm a wuss. And contemporary stories aren't really my jam. I read to get away from the contemporary world, damn it!
(Me, too scared to read contemporary horror but not too scared to listen to 900,000 true crime podcasts).
Right, where were we?
Oh, yeah. The review(s). I'm starting to understand why no one ever read this blog and why I let myself be lazy.
-
In What Moves The Dead we meet Alex Easton, a Gallacian ex-soldier on their way to visit their old friends, the Ushers, at their delipidated estate in the rural countryside of Ruravia. Alex had word that Madeline Usher was dying, and they wanted to be there for Madeline and her brother, Roderick. Roderick had been a fellow soldier with Alex back in the day and -
Wait a minute, Roderick and Madeline Usher? Delipidated mansion? Unspecified 19th century middle of nowhere...
Yep, this story is, indeed, a retelling of Poe's The Fall of the House of Usher, and it does a much better job than certain series you might find on Netflix.
Moving on:
Alex, Roderick and Madeline were childhood friends, and Roderick and Alex even fought together back in the day. Alex is a "sworn soldier" - something unique to their home country of Gallacia, a small, backwater country located somewhere between Bulgaria, Hungaria and that other -Garia, a vaguely Central/Eastern European nation with a language somehow structurally worse than Finnish, Hungarian and Icelandic combined. The Gallacian language has seven sets of pronouns: there's one set used only when referring to God, a set used to refer to children before puberty, one set specifically for inanimate objects...and, as the Gallacians are a fierce warrior people (though they're not exactly great at it), there's a special pronoun set just for soldiers.
So, in Gallacia, anyone, regardless of gender, can waltz up to the nearest military recruitment post, declare themselves a soldier, and be given a sword and a new set of pronouns within the hour. Hence the term "sworn soldier."
Anyway!
Prior to arriving at the House of Usher, Alex encounters an Englishwoman, Miss Eugenia Potter, a mycologist studying the local mushrooms, and there are some gnarly-looking (and smelling!) mushrooms. In fact, the whole landscape around Usher House seems...off. Everything seems dead or dying. Random hares will stand up and just stare right at you.
And not in a cute way, either.
As if the landscape weren't bad enough, once Alex gets to the Usher House, Roderick himself barely resembles the soldier Alex once knew. His skin has gone bone-white and he's as thin as a skeleton. He seems terrified by something but can't quite articulate what. Madeline is still alive, but in bad shape. Not even Roderick's friend Denton, an American doctor, can say what is wrong with her and Roderick (Catalepsy? Anemia? Hysteria? Roomis Igloomis? Who knows?). Denton and Alex immediately figure it's something to do with their environment - the house is both rotting and falling apart around them - but Roderick insists that Madeline can't leave, and if she can't leave, he won't leave.
Determined to find out what's happening to their friends, Alex resolves to stay. But things in the House of Usher are starting to get weird. For one thing, Madeline sleepwalks far more than a dying woman should, speaking in a strange, child-like voice, there's a lake outside that seems to pulse and shine with odd lights, there's a legion of undead hares wandering around and, seriously, what is up with those mushrooms??? With the help of Denton, Miss Potter, and their trusty batman, Angus, Alex must figure out what the hell is going on with the House of Usher...before whatever it is starts to spread.
What Moves The Dead is short and sweet and the perfect book to read when it's cold and dreary outside - and definitely not one you want to read before eating a giant bowl of mushroom risotto. If you're looking for a fantastic, spooky-type read that reads like if Edgar Allan Poe and The Last of Us joined forces with an army of undead bunnies.
But!
Luckily for all of us, Alex Easton's adventures don't stop with the events at the House of Usher.
It's late in the autumn and poor Alex would much rather be in Paris. Unfortunately, Angus has successfully guilt-tripped them into a trip to Alex's family's old hunting lodge back in the Old Country, aka Gallacia. Nothing like good old Gallacia in the winter where everything is damp, cold, cold, and, you guessed it! Damp.
But the redoubtable British mycologist Miss Eugenia Potter wishes to study some Gallacian mushrooms, and Angus, who is absolutely sweet on her, pretty much voluntold Alex to come along to act as Miss Potter's translator and use their hunting lodge as a home base.
So instead of a beautiful late Autumn/Winter in Paris, Alex is stuck back home.
*Sigh* looks nice, doesn't it?
As much as Alex sulks at the thought of spending several weeks back home, it's not like they're going to say no to Angus and Miss Potter. Not after everything they went through with the Usher House *shudder*.
Unfortunately, when Angus and Alex arrive at the lodge to help get it ready for Miss Potter's arrival, the caretaker, Codrin, is nowhere to be found. A quick trip to the nearby village reveals that Codrin has been dead for the past two months. But the locals are being very cagey about what killed him - Codrin's daughter is very insistent that it was just a lung infection, nothing else, no further questions, goodbye.
Finding a replacement for Codrin proves difficult, as it seems none of the villagers want to go near the lodge because there's a rumor that Codrin wasn't killed by inflammation of the lungs, but by a creature called a Moroi - a woman who sits on your chest and quite literally steals your breath. And the rumor is, a Moroi has taken up residence at the Hunting Lodge.
Yikes.
After some effort, Alex manages to hire a new housekeeper: the ill-tempered Widow Botezatu, who brings her grandson Bors along with her. The Widow immediately hates Alex, thinking them a wastrel, but Bors is nice enough. Miss Potter arrives, complete with terrible Gallacian phrasebook, but it soon becomes clear things aren't quite right at the Lodge. Alex begins to experience strange dreams - dreams in which a woman is kneeling on their chest because, yep, the Moroi is very real, and it can get to you in your dreams, just like Groundskeeper Willie in Treehouse of Horror VI.
Which is to say like Freddie Kruger, but still.
When it becomes clear that the Moroi is after the residents of the lodge, it's up to Alex, Angus and Miss Potter to figure out how to defeat a creature that can infiltrate your dreams.
What Feasts at Night is just as creepy, eerie and atmospheric as What Moves the Dead - there is plenty of non-fungal body horror and, mercifully, no zombie bun buns. Kingfisher is fantastic at capturing the terror of having your ability to breathe taken from you, and of the dread of having to fight something you can't grasp while awake. How she manages to pack so much into two short novels, I have no idea.
RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone in the mood for some short, sweet spooky horror.
NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who gets easily queasy, someone in the middle of eating a nice mushroom risotto, someone who really, really, really loves bunnies being alive and living their best lives, anyone who might wake up in the middle of the night with their cat on their chest staring directly into their eyes...
RELEASE DATE FOR WHAT FEASTS AT NIGHT: February 13, 2024
RATING FOR BOTH: 5/5
ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SWORN SOLDIER BOOKS: Chigori
*
#book review#horror#t. kingfisher#what moves the dead#what feasts at night#edgar allan poe#mushrooms#zombie bunnies#Gallacia#sworn soldier#Alex Easton#Angus#Miss Potter#Mycology#Moroi#Dream monster
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Do you think itâs interesting that almost every lady d fic, Infact almost all fic ever tbh but with most lady D fic⌠the amount of kink and fetish that occurs is just so normal? Like reader canât get off unless the word mommy is present, orgasm canât be achieved unless some kind of kink exists, almost never actually spoken about before it occurs and most of the time itâs first time bumping uglies that randomly y/n is calling Alcina mommy, no questioning it or wtf moments just very natural âyes I will say mommy nowâ
This comes after your recent request of course and is in no way me saying âsToP iT đâ because itâs not that serious, itâs just an observation is all.
I donât think I know of any fics that Alcinaâs perspective of sex fits her age or the time period sheâs seemingly stuck in, the same goes for spanking, degradation, or even edging⌠itâs very curious seeing it normalised as if every adult sexual relationship consists of atleast 1 kink/fetish. I guess both Alcina and r is very informed about these things and quite often seemingly really enjoy breath play despite having zero experience with it
Very interesting đ¤
First off, I want to say thank you for the insight and for being respectful with your opinion! I actually do love having these kinds of conversations with people who are willing to not be a dick about itđ
This might be a bit of longer answer bc I want to try to answer as thoroughly and honestly as I can!
I do absolutely know what you mean when most fics (especially Lady D fics haha) have a TON of kinks/fetishes in them, because a LOT of them definitely do!
But I think that kinks and fetishes are normal. I think most people (at least most of the people I know) don't just have exclusively vanilla sex, there's always something added (praising, mommy/daddy, toys, blindfolds, ties, hands around someone's throat, etc.)
Of course not every single time someone has sex there's a kink involved, but most times there's at least one.
I also think it's important to note that a lot of authors are able to explore their own kinks & fetishes through writing fics when they can't/aren't able to/whatever other reason in real life.
I'll use myself for example. I'm bi but am married to a cishet man. I mainly write lesbian fics because I'm able to explore that side of myself without putting my relationship with my husband at risk. (He knows about my blog & fics and he's 100% supportive of it!) I get to explore all of the wonderful things about being with another woman without actually having to do it so it sates that curiosity/need for me.
Also I don't necessarily think that the reader can't get off without calling someone "mommy," at least in my fics, yes the reader can get pleasure from calling someone that, but it's also for the benefit of the person having sex with the reader.
Like with my latest Lady D fic, Lady D refers to herself as "mommy" and then reader calls her that. It's more of a power dynamic than it is reader getting off on it. Sure, it can definitely be a turn on for reader (and it is), but I think it's playing towards that power dynamic and acknowledging the person in control (in this case Lady D) and giving her what she wants (submission) so reader can get what they want (an orgasm).
I think more often than not (now I absolutely understand that this is not the case with more dangerous/extreme kinks/fetishes but that's not what I'm talking about right now) there isn't a whole lot of conversation about certain kinks, they just kind of show up during sex.
Like for example, (also keep in mind this also very much depends on the amount of trust built in a relationship in real life, fics are a little different because it's not real life so these lines get blurred/don't always exist) during sex, someone can just call the other person mommy or daddy in bed and you either like it or you don't, but there's not always a conversation about it beforehand.
Same can go for putting your hand around someone's neck (NOT breath play/cutting off airflow, that's one of the more dangerous/extreme ones I was talking about) and with the level of trust built, the person who has a hand around their throat can let the person whos hand is around their throat to loosen their grip, tighten it a little or to let go completely and trust that they will listen.
With that being said, if kinks/fetishes do come into play, even for the less dangerous ones, I think a safe word should always be established at some point.
In terms of the first time having sex with someone, all of that is absolutely possible.
And there can be times where someone calls the other person mommy or daddy and the other person is like "um, nah." and you move on and keep doin' the nasty.
I also feel like if there's something that's triggering or something that makes someone SO wildly uncomfortable that it would make them not want to continue having sex, it should be made known before. Like "hey, because of x y and z I don't like hands around my throat/being called mommy or daddy/etc."
There are also times during sex where a kink/fetish will make itself known and that's how the person on the receiving end realizes they enjoy it.
Sometimes (and this is very well does not work this way for everyone) the thought of something may be a turn off but when it happens in bed, you realize you like it much more than you would have thought.
Also I absolutely appreciate you not being like "sToPp" because it's fucking fanfiction and you're right, it's not that seriousđ
In terms of Alcina's perspective of sex, it really depends. If we're going off of exclusively canon, it might not be out of the realm of possibility.
It's important to consider the fact that she never truly fit in her "time period" sexually.
The 30s, 40s and 50s (which would be her prime sexual age before the mutation) she was canonically a lesbian and back then it was frowned upon, widely unaccepted and illegal.
Even in the US (where I'm from) as recently as 2003, literally only twenty years ago, 14 states had "sodomy laws" that made same-sex sexual activity illegal.
The Supreme Court ruled in 2003 Lawrence v. Texas that "intimate consensual sexual conduct is part of the liberty protected by substantive due process under the Fourteenth Amendment" (right to privacy).
So she didn't fit in sexually with her time period as it was so it's not too out there to consider the fact that she did have kinks and fetishes before.
To add another small history lesson (that I looked up for the purpose of trying to give the most historically accurate response) sex toys have been around as far back as the ancient Greeks. Although in the 18th century, use of sex toys was punishable by death in Europe (fuckin' prudes LOL).
Also I learned that when rubber was invented in the 50s, the production of lesbian sex toys exploded which fits perfectly into the timeline because she was infected by the cadou in 1958 so there's a very good chance she had been exposed to them before her mutation.
Regarding her perspective of sex fitting her age, yes, technically she's about 100 years old. But, she never aged past 44, so for argument sake we'll say she's 44 years old.
44 year old's still have great sex, it's not that old.
It's not like she was mutated when she was in her 80s or 90s and hadn't had sex for years or decades.
When you're 44, you're still in your sexual prime. Most women at that age haven't even gone through menopause yet. So they're still out there, having great sex.
Were people more prudish back in the 50s? Oh absolutely. There's no doubt about it and no arguing otherwise.
But I'm inclined to think that it's very possible she had kinks/fetishes because she already didn't fit into the box of what was "acceptable" sexually back in the day.
I think that even before her mutation, home girl was a little bit of a sadist to begin with. Once she got eternal beauty, immortality, power and everything else I think that only grew.
I also have a theory that when she grew, so did her personality traits. Everything was enhanced, so she was meaner, more of a sadist, loved harder (the way she loves her daughters goes without saying) and even before her mutation, there's not a doubt in my mind that she was a fucking spoiled bratđ So that only got worse too.
So it wouldn't shock me if even before her mutation she was the dominant one in bed and enjoyed punishing her bratty lovers.
Also I think literally needing to consume the flesh and blood of other humans in order to survive desensitized her to inflicting pain on others and could even add to her sex drive in a super fucked up way.
Because lets be honest, we all love our hot 9ft tall lesbian vampire goddess but she's a literal serial killer and is fucking psychotic.
I also think that the mutation fucked with her mental state in a multitude of ways.
I wish we knew more of her backstory, like where she's from, how she grew up (aside from being noble, that much we do know) because she would be SUCH an interesting person to do a character study on.
Regarding your statement of "itâs very curious seeing it normalized as if every adult sexual relationship consists of at least 1 kink/fetish" I think most adult sexual relationships do.
Whether they realize it's a kink or fetish or not is one thing, but I truly believe it is normal for most adult sexual relationships to have at least one kink or fetish.
They don't all always have to be extreme ones either, hell, even talking dirty can be a kink or fetish and I feel like a lot of people talk dirty during sex.
Kinks and fetishes are very normal and it's not "normalizing" it as if we're normalizing something that can be harmful or dangerous (save for the more dangerous kinks/fetishes but I don't think that's what we're talking about right this second). I think we're just talking about it in a way that naturally occurs.
I'm sure Alcina is very well informed about her kinks & fetishes, she has been alive for about 100 years and has been stuck at age 44 for 63-65 years (63 years in 2021, when the game came out/when she was killed, 65 years if we stray from canon and if she was still alive today).
60+ years is a long time to figure out what you like and to learn more about your kinks. Plus, I don't doubt that she's pushed the limits with her maidens and learned from experience (i.e., killing them on accident) and learned the boundaries of her kinks and fetishes.
Plus, she's been cooped up in that castle for 60 years and almost never leaves, it's not outside the realm of possibility that her sex life is thriving because there really isn't much else for her to do.
Reader's experience on the other hand really depends on the author and how experienced they want them to be.
In some fics, reader is familiar with some but not a lot. In others, reader is experienced and in other fics (like mine) reader very inexperienced and Alcina is teaching them. Which also plays into the dominant role Alcina naturally has. Showing her lover the ropes, being in control, giving pleasure and taking it away as she pleases.
Just from the one cut scene in the church when Miranda gives Ethan to Heisenberg you can tell that Alcina is dominant. She speaks her mind and isn't even afraid to disagree with Mother Miranda when she doesn't like her decision (also this is where her being a spoiled brat comes in, arguing with Miranda and Heisenberg when she doesn't get what she wants).
In terms of Alcina enjoying breath play, this is where I also think her being a serial killer and a literal fucking psyho comes into play.
It's not that she enjoys "breath play" per se, I think she enjoys watching the fear in the eyes of whoever she has by the throat. The realization that they are powerless and are at the mercy of this woman. She literally has their life in her hands and she thrives off of the thrill of it.
I'm also sure that in tandem, she's learned a lot about breath play from just choking the shit out of people who are disobedient or those who challenge her. And maybe that thrill eventually became a sexual turn-on as well.
That's one of the things where I think she realized it was a kink after doing it in a threatening, "I'm going to kill you," non-sexual way honestly.
So through doing it to actually hurt people, I'm sure she's learned a little about it that way and then once she started doing it for sexual pleasure, learned more in a "trial by fire" way.
Which is NOT how you learn the limits/boundaries of kinks, like at fucking all. But again, we're talking about a 9ft tall lesbian vampire so in the world of re8, you do you girlypop.
In all honesty, if I was that large and could pick up whole humans like they weighed nothing, and if I were a psychopath who wanted to show their dominance in any way possible, I'm sure I'd pick everyone up by their throats. It's a wonderful way to exude power honestly. It's also a good way for her to instill fear in the rest of her staff. If I saw my boss pick up someone by the throat and choke them out with one hand, you bet your ass I'd never step a hair out of lineđ
But you are right, all of it is very interesting!
I'd love to hear yours (and anyone else's) feedback or thoughts on this!
Just be respectful bc if you're not I'm deleting your comments/asksđ
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Ace!Steve thought:
Steve was raised Catholic. he knew later in life that masterbation and sex outside of marriage was normal, even people from his church did it
The church made sexual desire out to be some devil, Steve spent half his childhood fearing it, but that devil never came for him. Steve was 16 and he overheard boys at school talking about sex and Bucky too. the first time Bucky did it with a girl, he told Steve all about it under the duvet, all hushed and excited. it was the best feeling he's ever had. Bucky told him.
so Steve tried. masterbation. he couldn't even get off the first couple of times, so he thought it was just another thing wrong with him.
he never wanted a girl. or a guy, for that matter.
he did date. and very occasionally he'd actually enjoy it. he liked communicating with ppl, hanging out and having fun. he kissed a girl once, on their second date. it was good, but not great as other boys described, and he was sure he didn't want to have sex with her.
he stopped dating her cus he didn't want to face all the âwhy don't you want itâ inquiry from her or Bucky. Bucky was great, he was wonderful, perfect, but nosy sometimes.
he'd rather spending time w Bucky anyway.
he did get off though, w no one particular in mind.
ok that was a lie. he was trying to think about some girl, some girl from Bucky's colorful tales. but it ended up being Bucky, Bucky's hands sliding up and down a curvy body, fingers flicking the pink buds, mouth sucking on the delicate, soft skin. his cock, hard and thick, sliding in and out of the area between the legs (Steve didn't know what that looked like so the image was just Bucky).
he felt good physically, awful mentally. he tried to convince himself that that was just bc he lacked any point of reference except for Bucky's words and Bucky himself.
he still didn't want sex.
he still liked Bucky the most. and Bucky stopped messing around with girls after Steve's ma died, too busy keeping them fed. Steve liked that too.
they shared a bed sometimes, for warmth or comfort, and Steve would remember that time he touched himself w Bucky in mind. he liked touching Bucky, Bucky felt nice. but he didn't particularly want to touch him in a sexual way, no more than he wanted to touch himself, which was almost never. almost.
he thought the serum would fix him, his dick, to be exact. it didn't. but it was ok, they were at war anyway.
and then it was ok too, cus ppl did expect Captain America to be a prude.
one day, Sam and he were on their way to Turkey to chase a lead, and Sam asked, âso were you guys ever...?â
âever what?â
âlovers.â
âno. Why would you think...â
âhey, sorry man. It's just, maybe I was reading into things. no offense.â
âI'm not offended, I'm just...â Steve paused for a while, âI do love him.â
âI get it.â
âno. I mean...I, I used to think about, future. After the war. And, I couldn't...I don't know. I couldn't imagine myself with another person. And I couldn't stomach the thought of him with one either. I thought, and I still think the years before the war, when we lived together that's all I want. Just us, broke as fuck but we'd always have each other. And we could always visit his folks cus they were just 20 minutes away.â Steve sighed, âI know how it sounds. I knew homosexuality before you were born, Sam. I'm not...I don't want him that way. Sexually, I mean. I just...â
âyou just want to spend the rest of your life with him.â
âyeah.â
âSteve, I ask this sincerely, do you want to have sex, with anyone, man or woman?â
ânot really, no.â
âok. right. So I guess whatever crash course on modern sexuality SHIELD gave you left out this one.â Sam typed something on his phone and showed it to him, âIt's a real new concept compared to homosexuality. Literally a 21 century invention, so it makes sense that you didn't know, and that's why it confuses you.â
Steve read it. Asexual. There was a related term, aromantic. The two were not in anyway mutually exclusive, or bound together.
Suddenly everything made sense. The selfish possessiveness he had for Bucky, the incompatibility of the desire to be intimate but not sexually, and the soul crushing love he's never had for anyone but Bucky, it all made sense.
âoh.â he gasped. âI'm in love with him.â
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I'm not getting involved. But I want to say this. I just don't want to start a bad faith argument.
I just saw the argument that "radfems" are all inherently non-binary because they don't believe that genders exist.
If you don't identify as the shit, then you're not. I might be convinced of egghood, but that doesn't make you an egg and at no point do you have to label yourself for yourself, let alone anyone else.
But...
If you don't feel like a woman, you probably aren't one.
However you identify is on you and how you feel about it, but most cis people aren't just rolling with gender based on genitals. If you asked them, most cis people would agree that they feel like the gender aligned with their sex. If they woke up with the wrong junk in the morning, they would want to fix it back, and no amount of staying in that body would make them feel like they belonged in it. Cis men feel like men and cis women feel like women.
I didn't get it. I still don't. I have no idea what it could mean to feel like a woman or a man. I have felt treated like both, but I've never felt like either one.
I dunno how everyone else feels about it, but growing up, it felt like a lie to call myself a girl. I have bits of profiles here and there where I refused to put genders in, and my first ff. net profile says I'm between boy and girl and nope before I had any idea that sex and gender were different. For years, I referred to myself as "person who happens to have a vagina". I joked about mastectomies from the age of seventeen, six years before I found out that gnc and non-binary were things.
For a long time, I accepted anatomy as the only defining quality, completely dismissing exceptions as exceptions and in fact determining that surgery was an effective way to change your gender because, I mean, if it's defined by your junk, then why the fuck not?
I did try to put on the woman label, wear it in and make it fit, like you do with new shoes to break in...
And it doesn't work. Like, I can call myself a woman as accurately as I can call myself a man. I don't think there's some inherent difference, actually, but what I do know is that some people actually do feel like men and women. Not just trans, and in fact I had this discussion with cis people first. Blew my mind. Cis people who have never given a thought to the gender thing at all, have always just "felt like" their gender. And when they do consider it, still very much feel like a man or a woman or whatever.
Years and years and years after learning this (and feeling like a freak, actually, who was and is still jealous of Ken Doll anatomy), I found the term 'genderqueer'. It was like finding shoes that fit for the first time. Like, there's a word for that thing I am! Yay! Holy shit!
I liked it.
So, this person is silly for thinking that disengaging from "gender" necessarily makes one non-binary; and I would invite them to consider that they actually are.
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Could you talk a bit more about why you wanted gender and pronouns to be seperate options? I'm making my own twine game, but I'm kinda confused on how it would affect the story.
Sure! So.
For one, as you probably know, they just are factually separate things. You can be a nonbinary person and use exclusively she/her, and it doesn't make you a woman. One way to handle this coding wise is, of course, to just let people choose the pronouns so the game knows what to display, and let the reader imagine their character as whatever gender they are! And that's totally valid, as long as the game never needs to know what gender they are, which honestly... most don't.
So why bother setting gender at all? Well, as far as I can tell, there's two reasons why you might want to. One is just... a certain sense of official-ness. I think I can safely assert that a lot of nonbinary and trans folks are used to kinda... finessing headcanon and maybe occasionally ignoring canon to be able to sneak in anything that feels like rep of themselves in their player characters, never mind the rest of the game.
Everyone being on the same footing in terms of "your gender is whatever you imagine and the game doesn't declare it" is one way of bringing parity (a way I also use sometimes), but of late I've been kind of coming down on the side of letting the player make it explicit because even if, say, a trans and a cis man are treated exactly the same at all times by the story and the characters because the difference doesn't matter to the game at all, well... I think there's something to be said for the player with the trans PC knowing that the character is trans, is recognized as trans, and is still treated the same by the game. Speaking for myself, it can actually be super refreshing when I play an NB character and the game "knows" but nobody cares or bothers me about it or gets my pronouns wrong haha.
But the second reason you might do something like this (at least that I can think of right now), is that, well, it might make a difference sometimes! I'm not talking about like... writing in discrimination for "historical accuracy" or whateverâI think there's probably a time and place for that, but it'd take a whole lot more effort and sensitivity than most people probably want to give it, etc. But what I'm really referring to is chances for the topic to come up, e.g., with cast members who are also trans, or enby, or what have you. It can be refreshing for it not to matter, but at the same time, generally speaking being of one gender is a different experience than being another, even if that's just in terms of something like 'what other people tend to expect of you.' When you consider being enby, or trans, or fluid, there's additional different life experience on top of that, and it can, sometimes, feel like a lot of what comes one's way in life has to do with it.
And it can be nice, too, if rather than making no difference, this locus of experience is something that can be discussed and shared, particularly with characters in the narrative who would realistically be able to relate. Based on what kind of world it is, gender might not matter too much (it barely does in FoA), but there's still elements of experience that are going to be shared even then. For example, whether or not anyone makes a big deal out of it, Alekto has transitioned. That's a thing she's done, and a PC might also have done. That's a pretty natural thing for them to talk about at a certain point in a friendship.
So even if I just end up giving a few small conversational opportunities for something like this, I think, for a game like FoA, that's worth it, because FoA has a lot of emphasis on getting to know its characters not really because you're all out to save the world/solve the mystery/win the war, but because you're all living together now and need to figure out how to get on. It might not be the kind of thing that fits into every game, and that's okay!
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I may or may not have just sent the 3 word challenge in my real account instead of anon... I'm sorry. Please don't answer there. :)
When you post, post answering here please.
Again, much love,
đđť
Don't worry dear! Your identity shall remain a secret 𼰠Here's yet another fic with my Resident Evil OC: Gwen Winters (sheâs an adult guys, donât worry. However this is still an Older Man/Younger Woman relationship)
The words dear đđť Anon gave me in their previous ask were: Unruly, endurable and system. Please enjoy!
What happens in the gym....
Pairing: Chris Redfield x Female OC
Warnings: Swearing, Spoiler Free đ
Genre: Angsty Romance
âSure, throw me in the fire like you always do, Leon!â Chris snaps, clenching his fists tightly as he glares at his best friend while the two stand in the dimly lit gym.
âChris, youâre a BSAA captain, for the love of God! You should know better than to complain about something as little as this!â Leon, while significantly calmer tone and demeanor-wise, is glaring daggers of his own.
âWhy me, damn it?! And why her?!â Chris is not done with his attempts to get out of the situation Leonâs trying to land him in and his partnerâs honestly done with it.
âAnd why not?! You see the same potential I see, why would it be so hard to train her? Sheâs a quick learner, sheâs disciplined when she wants to be and sheâs already skilled to a certain degree. Youâve made soldiers out of total wimps before, why is she such a hassle to you?!â
âBecause sheâs disciplined when she wants to be and I guarantee she wonât want to when sheâs around me. Sheâs unruly, selfish, arrogant and a Chris-phobe. Iâm telling you, she hates me!â
Itâs about time Leonâs had enough of this conversation. To be honest, he was done with it as soon as it started but he stayed, thinking heâd be able to change Chrisâ mind but seeing as how this is a hopeless case, heâs just been wasting his time. âDoes she? Or are you projecting your hate for her onto her?â Slinging his duffel bag containing his training gear over his shoulder, Leon finally makes that realization that these are ten minutes of his life heâll never get back and storms out of the gym without another word.
Chris doesnât attempt to stop him, in fact, heâs relieved he left. He sighs, silently hating himself for all the shit he said and how he meant none of it. It was all hard bullshit and he doesnât know whether to be thankful or disappointed that Leon didnât realize. Either way, heâs been cleared of possible suspicion, even if training the newest BSAA rookie still remains as his task.
Gwen Winters, sheâs such a fucking handful. One cannot tell if itâs because sheâs angry with the world, angry with herself or just straight up picked up on the habits of the family that took her in when she was rescued from Raccoon City where she was held as an experiment hamster. A chemistry project basically. Ethan and Mia were recovering from the events back in Louisiana at the time, still probably are, that is not some shit you get over, so they thought having another person in the house would help them. And help Gwen did. See, Gwen isnât a handful with everyone. In fact, sheâs a real sweetheart and Chris knows it too, despite his bogus claims. He knows sheâs got a heart and soul of gold and is built with the will of a BSAA soldier already. All she needs is a bit better fighting skills and sheâs good to go.Â
He sees how she acts with everyone around him. Sheâs been quick to make friends with Jill and his sister Claire and sheâs even got Leonâs liking and trust which is hella hard to get, especially after all the shit with Ada. Sheâs overall a super sweet and lovely girl, even with him from time to time. Heâs seen her welcoming, friendly smiles whenever he stops by the Wintersâ home. Heâs heard her laugh at the jokes he rarely cracks.
Then why does she act like she hates him so often? And why does he claim he hates her?
Chris is snapped back to reality by the sound of rough impact. Itâs a very distinct noise, one he places immediately: the sound of fists hitting a punching bag. Itâs the middle of the night, almost midnight actually, and knowing how lazy the soldiers on his team are, he can only assume itâs either his sister or Jill, given that Leon just left. However, theyâve had people sneak in to train for free before, so itâd be for the best if he went to check who was releasing some pent up energy on the poor punching bag. Judging by the intensity of the punches being thrown, sounds like the person might be angry as well.
And they have every right to be. Because they are Gwen.
Chrisâ face goes a bit red at the sight of the infuriated rookie giving the punching bag her all, punishing it the way sheâd want to do to her superior she just heard call her all the names she hates being referred by.
âWinters I-â
âUnruly?â Punch âSelfish?â Punch âArrogant?â Punch
She stills herself, sighing and wiping the droplets of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, âYou say all that and expect me not to be a Chris-phobe?â She lets out a bitter laugh, rolling her shoulders before continuing her wrath over the piece of equipment sheâs threatening to destroy. She hasnât spared him a single look yet, something heâs rather grateful for because the last thing he wants to see is whatever her gaze is hiding right now. âIâll talk to Leon.â She says, her voice leveled and breathy, far from the pissed off tone she was just using. This calmness is a lot scarier though. âIâll tell him I donât want you to be my trainer. To be perfectly clear, I never wanted you to train me in the first place. Iâm just not the type to complain, you know. Iâm not picky. Beggers canât be choosers. I take what I can get. And you were all I was offered, but...â she trails off, delivering a particularly hard punch, âItâs not gonna work. I may not be picky, but I know when to draw the line. I know when I deserve better.â
âKid, you really have no idea what the case really is here.â He attempts desperately, taunted by the thought of acting on his instincts and approaching her even if that means being the recipient of one of those hard punches.
âYou know, Iâm strong. Iâm skilled. I can hold my own in a fight quite nicely. Iâm endurable. Iâm not afraid to work my ass off and sweat and pant like a dog after workouts. Thereâs not a line I wouldnât cross, but you still choose to make me feel lesser than any soldier youâve ever come across, thatâs really lovely of you, Captain Redfield.â
âWinters, please...â
âItâs ok, I wonât tell Ethan and Mia. Iâm sure theyâll send you to hell over it. Iâm not petty like that.â
Heâs had enough. Heâs had enough of hearing that hurt tone in her voice. Heâs done hearing these words sheâs so certain are true but arenât. Heâs done lying to her and to himself. Before he can even think twice about it, he grabs her by the arms gently but firmly, turning her to face him despite her hostile attempts to free herself from his hold like a wild animal caught in a trap. Heâs surprised when she relaxes, probably seeing that as a quicker way out of the situation rather than struggling though if she tried to free herself any longer he wouldâve probably let her go.
âFucking hell, Gwen, listen to me.â He looks her dead in the eyes, catching onto the spark of shock created by his use of her first name. But he also sees something else, something that looks dangerously a lot like tears. He knows she wonât cry, especially not in front of him, but knowing that heâs the cause behind the welling of those crystal droplets in her always shiny, always smiling eyes breaks him. When she doesnât look away nor protest, he continues, âI canât be your captain. I canât be your trainer. I canât be any of that. Iâm a strictly professional man, and itâd be highly unprofessional of me to take you in as my soldier.â
âBut why?â Sheâs fully aware she sounds like a whiny kid - exactly how she thinks he envisions her sometimes - but she couldnât care less. She wants and needs answers. She knows she wonât be able to fall asleep or keep coming back to the training center if she doesnât get them.
Itâs blatantly clear this is far from easy for Chris. His first instinct is to look away, let go of her, run away like he always does - not that sheâd let him do such a thing but still. Heâs finds the words impossible to spit out yet he oh so desperately feels the need to get them out of his system. And so, he gathers all the strength within him and finally forces himself to say it.
âBecause a captain isnât supposed to look at a soldier the way I look at you.â
Sure, it sounds cryptic as heck but he has no doubt sheâll catch on. Gwen is a smart and sharp girl, among many other things. She confirms this when barely three seconds after heâs said it, he notices her eyes widening
âSir, I-â
âDonât.â He says simply, a small, regretful smile playing across his lips as his hand slides down her arm to take hold of hers, âI just admitted my dirtiest secret to you and you are still gonna remind me how unprofessional I am by using my title, Kid?â
She purses her lips, the shock momentarily replaced by her signature mild glare, âWell, you just admitted your biggest secret to me and yet you still choose to call me âKidâ, huh?â
He chuckles, letting his other hand repeat the movements of the first, âSorry, force of habit.â His thumbs brush against her knuckles briefly as his head falls, his gaze fixating on where their bodies are connected, âYou know, I didnât tell you this to get myself any pity or anything. I just wanted you to understand and....wanted to get it off my chest. Ethan will kill me if he finds out, wonât he?â He suddenly asks, regaining the courage to look up at her once again.
She giggles, âWho says heâs gonna find out?â
Chris bites the inside of his cheek, shaking his head, âYouâre right, thereâs nothing really to find out abo-â
Gwen has never been a chatter nor can she tolerate when people beat around the bush so sheâs quick to cut them off sometimes, no matter how rude that may seem or sound. However, just to clarify, her chosen method of cutting a person off isnât always kissing them. Just saying - this is a special situation requiring special methods.
Taken aback by the sudden feeling of her lips on his, Chrisâ eyes close automatically but not even a second later he responds to the kiss properly: wrapping his arms around Gwenâs waist as her hands travel up to cup his face. The kiss is short - too short if either of them is to be asked - but itâs worth all the words they didnât say despite wanting to.
When they pull away, Gwen gives him a mischievous smile, âNow he could find out about that and then shit would go south. Thatâd suck, wouldnât it Chris?â
Heâs only ever heard her say his name twice, once in passing conversation with Claire and once earlier when she paraphrased his term âChris-phobeâ, both time spoken with some dose of dislike he now realizes was a cover-up all along. Turns out the two are a lot more alike than they initially thought. Regardless, hearing her say his name with fondness instead of bitterness makes his heart flutter, his body yearn to have her closer, his lips wanting to be in contact with hers again. But heâs a patient and self-controlled man, heâs nothing if not willpower sculpted in a human body, so he keeps his distance, waiting for her to pick the moves, waiting for her to make the decisions just like sheâs his captain.
âBig time.â He manages to say, voice coarse all of a sudden, barely able to leave his throat. âSo it stays here, right?â
She giggles again, bringing her lips within an inch or two away from his, taunting him, threatening to break his self-control, âWhat happens in the gym stays in the gym, Redfield.â
Golden rules of discretion, ones he mustnât break ever. Especially not when his captain - Captain Gwen Winters - holds so much power over him.
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