#I WISH I HAD MORE COHERENT THOUGHTS BUT OH MY GOD

[steddiehyperfixation]

don't you forget about me (part seven)

(part one)(part two)(part three)(part four)(part five)(part six)

Eddie takes back everything he’d thought before; sex dreams are so much worse actually, especially when you wake up to the subject of them holding your hand. His face turns bright red the second his eyes open and land on Steve. He sits upright immediately, bunching up the blankets over his lap. 

The pounding of his heart - aka the rapid beeping of the heart monitor - alerts Steve who snaps awake instantly and tightens his grip on Eddie’s hand as he asks with urgent concern, “Are you alright? Did you have another nightmare?”

“No, no, definitely not a nightmare.” Eddie’s cheeks burn, feels the flush reach his ears and down his neck too. He clears his throat. “Just, uh- just a weird dream, that’s all. Not bad, just…weird, yeah. I’m fine.”

Steve relaxes. “Okay.” He hesitates, then adds hopefully, “Was it, uh- Do you think it was a memory?” 

Eddie shakes his head. “Definitely not.” 

“What makes you so sure?” Steve asks. 

“It was fantasy.” Eddie’s eyes rake over Steve, and he tries not to wonder just how accurate his dream was. 

Steve raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Fantasy?” 

“Yeah, fantasy. So unless you have some truly awesome news to give me about the existence of dragons,” Eddie lies (better to have Steve think he’d dreamt of riding on a dragon rather than that he’d dreamt of Steve riding him), “I’m pretty sure it was just a regular old dream.”

“Oh.” Steve's face falls; and Eddie almost wants to take it all back and tell a different lie, that it had been a memory, but he doesn't. “Yeah, no, I've yet to run into any dragons yet, I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Eddie says, running his thumb over Steve's hand. “I wish it was a memory. I mean- I wish I had more memories, and I'm sorry that I don't. I'm sorry that makes you so sad.” 

The apology only makes Steve look sadder. “Oh, Eddie, no, it's okay.” He shakes his head, squeezes Eddie's hand. “Don't apologize for that. It's not like you chose to forget.”

“I know. I’m still sorry though,” Eddie responds quietly. His dream-sparked lust has since curbed into something softer, inevitably. He looks into those downturned and devastating brown puppy dog eyes. “I didn't choose to forget, but I’m still the reason you're sad - I know that, so I'm sorry.” 

It's Steve this time who mutters “You don't have to worry about me so much, Eds, I'm alright,” and it's Steve this time who clasps Eddie’s hand in both of his and brushes a kiss over his knuckles. 

It sends a rush through Eddie's whole body to feel Steve's lips against his skin - in real life, that is. Heat rises in his cheeks again, heart rate kicking up for the millionth time. “Uh- yeah, uh, o-okay,” he stutters, can’t seem to form a coherent thought or sentence right now. He pulls his hand away and runs his fingers through his hair instead, changing the subject, “Um. Are you, uh- are you sticking around today?” 

“Yeah.” Though there’s still a trace of sadness behind his eyes, there’s something like flirtation there too as Steve smirks and says, “I’m all yours today.” 

God. Eddie really is done for, isn’t he.

It’s no wonder, then, that after spending another full day with Steve, another full day of being subjected to Steve’s bittersweet smiles and friendly banter and (that is, if Eddie’s not just being delusional, which is a very real and probable possibility) the occasional flirty comment, Eddie’s dreams soon turn sappy again:

They were sitting in some restaurant, in a corner booth, holding hands behind a propped up menu. Steve was looking gorgeous in a tastefully tight polo and perfectly styled hair streaked with gold, and he looked at Eddie with that warm little smile that always made his heart glow. It overflowed; Eddie almost couldn't take it. 

He said, “I know you said you wanted to do things right, so after how many dates can I ask you to be my boyfriend?” 

Steve's smile grew, eyes wide with a sort of wonder and disbelief and anticipation that was vaguely reminiscent of a child on christmas morning. “I, uh- I think the third date is just fine.” 

“Okay, good.” Eddie grinned. He caught Steve's other hand and held it right there out in the open without a care who saw or heard. “Because I like you so so much; you’re the best person I know, Stevie, and I wanna lock this down before someone else comes along and snatches you up. I want to be your boyfriend more than anything, and I want you to be mine, if you want that too. So, what do you say?” 

Steve must not’ve cared who saw or heard either because he immediately lunged across the table to kiss him, holding Eddie's hands tight as he pressed their lips together fervently. 

Eddie certainly wasn't about to complain. He indulged the kiss for a good long few moments before he pulled back to double check, “So that was a yes, right?” 

“Yeah, dumbass,” Steve laughed, fond and bright and beautiful. “That was absolutely a yes.” 

That ache is back when Eddie wakes up, the wanting, the wishing. 

He thinks this dream falls somewhere in between the events of the last two, like his brain is turning this fantasy into a whole connected narrative now, building and fleshing out this wishful story of him and Steve. Unless… No. Eddie can't let himself think like that. If these dreams have been memories, if that had really been the type of relationship they'd had, surely Steve would've said something. It's not unusual for Eddie's daydreams to become so involved and become entire worlds. This is, as he tells himself for the third time now, just another case of his overactive imagination. 

Steve doesn't ask about his dreams again, and he soon leaves for work and isn't around much that day, but that still doesn't stop Eddie's mind from continuing the fiction when he falls asleep holding Steve's hand, as always now, that night: 

Eddie sat on Steve's couch, his arm slung casually around Steve's shoulders as Steve leaned against him and idly played with the rings on Eddie's other hand while a movie played on the TV in front of them. It was Steve's turn to pick the movie, and there was a time when Eddie would've rolled his eyes and scoffed at the suggestion of watching The Breakfast Club, but it had just come out on VHS and Steve was so excited about it and Eddie was more than happy now to sit just there and watch Steve watch it. Because Steve was smiling and humming along to the songs on the soundtrack, and Eddie felt, suddenly, with such simple certainty that this is where he was meant to be, that this is who he was going to spend the rest of his life with. 

Something must've changed in his expression, in his stare, because Steve soon rolled his head to the side to look at Eddie and asked with an amused (and vaguely confused) smile, “What?” 

“Nothing, I just-” Eddie shook his head, pressed a kiss to Steve's temple and then said like it was the easiest thing in the world, “I think I've fallen in love with you.” 

Steve laughed as if this great big relief just bubbled free from his chest. “Oh thank god,” he said. “I’m in love with you too.” 

Eddie believed him, knew it with the same certainty as before. They shared gentle smiles and a sweet, chaste kiss. Steve slipped an arm around Eddie's waist and curled closer against his side. He went right back to watching the movie and Eddie went right back to watching Steve. And that was all there was to it. 

Clear, effortless, uncomplicated. Because how could they be anything else but in love with each other? 

~ 

Eddie sighs when he blinks awake. His eyes slowly shift to the side and he looks at Steve strangely for a few silent moments. 

Steve asks, “What?” 

Eddie's cheeks tinge pink, and Steve wonders, not for the first time, what Eddie had been dreaming about. He gets a devastating sense of deja vu when Eddie shakes his head and says, “Nothing.” But it stops there where Steve's memory doesn't. 

Although, Eddie is still considering him in that weird, just short of familiar way, and Steve wonders - again, not for the first time - if maybe Eddie just might remember too. But surely he'd say something if he did. 

Eddie taps his fingers against Steve's hand and asks after a long minute. “Are you gonna be around tomorrow?”

“I can be.” Steve is scheduled to work tomorrow, but he'd call out sick in an instant if Eddie asked him to.

“Okay, because, uh, that's when the doctor’s gonna have me try to walk and when they're gonna teach me and Wayne how to take care of my wounds at home for when I’m discharged, and I, um, I want you to be there for that too,” Eddie says. 

Steve finds himself a little surprised by this. “You really want me there?” 

“Yeah, I mean, If you don't mind,” Eddie starts, rambling like he's suddenly scared Steve might refuse, “I know it's not the most fun thing to be here for, but I just figured whatever the doctor tells us tomorrow you should know too, just in case, you know, like I might need you one day and Wayne can't be around all the time and-” 

“I’ll be there, Eddie,” Steve assures him, squeezing his hand. “Of course I’ll be there.”

And so he is. He calls out of work the next day, much to Keith’s annoyance, and stands there as the room fills with doctors and nurses and Eddie's uncle Wayne. 

Eddie's mobility is tested first. He makes a soft grunt of pain as he's instructed to swing his legs over the side of the bed, and then another when the doctor taps his knee and his injured leg kicks with the assessment of his reflexes. Satisfied with that response, the doctor moves on to pressing various pressure points on Eddie’s leg to measure how much he can feel (and Steve tries very hard not to feel so weirdly irrationally jealous at watching the doctor feel up Eddie's leg). After a few more soft painful hisses that let the doctor know Eddie's nerve endings are intact - or whatever it was she was testing - he's told to try and stand. He's understandably apprehensive, hesitant. The doctor and his uncle help coax him off the bed; the competent and the familiar. Steve hangs back still, sure he's not needed for this. 

But the second Eddie attempts to put pressure on his injured limb and he stumbles, his hand shoots out and it's Steve’s name he calls, as if on instinct. And, on instinct, Steve is there in a second to grab his hand and assist in steadying him. “I've got you,” he murmurs, guiding Eddie to the walker that's been set out for him. Eddie limps a few more feet with the help of the walker and the encouragement of Steve’s (hopefully) comforting hand on his shoulder until the doctor calls it and tells Eddie he can rest again. 

Once Eddie makes it back onto the bed, collapsing back into the pillows with a haggard sigh, the doctor and nurses immediately crowd him again, try to go straight into the next step of redressing his wounds. 

“Give him a second,” Steve snaps, protectively holding onto Eddie's hand and leaning over him. “Can't you see he's exhausted?” 

The doctor shoots the only other proper adult in the room a weary look. 

“They know what they're doing, kid.” Wayne's heavy hand lands on Steve's shoulder, both a reassurance and an alert for him to back off. 

“I’m okay, Stevie,” Eddie adds. He gives Steve a tired smile and squeezes his hand before prying it out of Steve's hold. “It's alright.” 

Steve reluctantly relents and steps back to give the medical professionals space to continue. 

Eddie's shirt is pushed up so the bandages on his chest and stomach are accessible as the nurses begin to explain and demonstrate the process of taking care of the injuries. Steve watches, listens intently, wants to absorb every ounce of information so he can best tend to Eddie if need be. Then his eyes flick up and he accidentally makes dead eye contact with Eddie who seems to realize then just how vulnerable and exposed he is right now because his cheeks burn red and his heart rate suddenly increases. 

The nurses don't seem to be too worried about this - if anything, they exchange knowing glances with everyone else in the room except Eddie and Steve before they continue their demonstration. Steve isn't worried either anymore - if anything, he finally resigns himself fully to the fact, the irrefutable proof, that Robin was right and Eddie really does have a schoolboy crush on him again. 

Steve does his best to keep paying attention, but in the background his mind is spinning and his heart aching. 

On the one hand it’s kind of sweet to know Eddie's feelings are not gone completely, that some level of attraction still swirls to the surface even through the empty space in his memory. And Steve has been indulging that crush the past couple days, little comments of flirtation just to feel like he still has Eddie in some way, just to see the reaction and have some evidence that Eddie still feels something at all for him. (Stupid, selfish.)

But on the other hand it is just a crush. Eddie used to love him, but now that's halved; and that's a very specific kind of agony. 

Steve’s not sure how much longer he can handle this. 

~

Something passed between them when they made eye contact; something sweet and sad flitted across Steve's expression, as it often does, but he looked away when Eddie blushed and has been avoiding his eyes again since. 

When the nurses are done showing them how to wrap him up, Steve retreats, saying kindly, though still not quite looking at him, “I'm gonna go get you some water, alright?” 

“Oh, yeah, thanks.” Eddie smiles gratefully after him. 

“Your boyfriend seems sweet,” Nurse Katie comments, carefully, as she secures the last of the fresh bandages. 

“Excuse me?” Eddie coughs, chokes on his own spit, spluttering, “I’m- he's not- we’re- it’s- um. He’s not my boyfriend.” 

“Oh, sorry,” the nurse is quick to apologize. “I didn't mean to assume, I just thought since he's always in here holding your hand, even before you woke up-” 

“We're friends,” Eddie says shortly. He feels a little dizzy at what she's suggesting and would really rather her stop talking. 

“Alright, my mistake.” Katie backs off the subject. 

Steve returns then anyways, further killing that topic of conversation. He hands a cup of water to Eddie, who takes it with another muttered “thanks” and starts gulping it down while the doctor goes off on some spiel about the process of having him discharged and more tests they’ll have to do tomorrow. Eddie’s not paying attention. He’s too tired. 

Not long after that, the doctor and nurses file out of the room, and Wayne stands to leave too. “I’m glad the two of you are getting close again,” he mentions to Steve and Eddie on his way out. “You were good for each other.” 

Whatever that means. 

Eddie doesn’t have the brainpower left to contemplate that. Being poked and prodded and trying to walk took a lot out of him. He’s exhausted, achy all over. It’s barely even late enough to be dinner time yet, but he could honestly just pass out right now. He sets his finished water cup on the bedside table and his now free hand reaches, once again, for Steve. 

“Tired?” Steve asks as he catches Eddie’s hand. 

“Mhmm.” Eddie settles against his pillows, closing his eyes. He adds in a sleepy mumble, “’M glad you were here today.”

“Me too.”

He feels Steve’s lips slide gently across the back of his hand, and then Eddie slides gently into sleep. 

Immediately, though, his dreams are not gentle; for the first time since he’s been falling asleep with Steve’s hand in his, Eddie dreams of the bats: 

Eddie was in that hell dimension, the scene all black and red and dotted with bats. But he wasn’t alone. Nancy Wheeler and Robin Buckley were there too, the three of them fending off the creatures with boat oars, and Steve- Steve was on the ground; two bats gnawed on his sides, another had its tail wrapped around his neck. Eddie’s heart was in his throat, roaring in his ears and pumping pure fear and adrenaline through his veins. He couldn’t save him; all he could do was try his best to keep more bats from joining in on the feast. 

Steve, however, seemed perfectly capable of saving himself. He managed to sink his teeth into the bat tail around his neck, getting it to let go. Eddie couldn’t see everything, too busy whacking away more incoming bats, but when the last of this fleet of creatures was fought off, Eddie turned back around to find Steve on his feet now, holding a bat by the tail and slamming it against the ground far more times than necessary. He watched as Steve stomped down on the bat’s neck and tore its head from its body. Blood from the bat’s tail hung from Steve’s lips in a thick, dark drip before he spat it into the dirt.

Eddie stared, jaw dropped, pounding heart pumping an entirely different sensation through his veins now. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” 

Steve gave him a bloodstained grin and Eddie’s knees felt weak. He would’ve dropped to the ground in front of him right then and there if- 

“Keep it in your pants, Munson.” Robin shoulder-checked him as she walked past. “At least until we get the hell out of hell.” 

Eddie settled instead for sidling up to Steve and, after taking a second to make sure he was alright, whispering low and close to Steve’s ear, “If we were anywhere else and you weren’t injured right now…” The muttered end of that sentence was something so filthy it made Steve’s face burn red, and he laughed. 

“Freak,” Steve said affectionately as he smacked a kiss to Eddie’s cheek. 

Eddie was quick to turn his head and catch Steve’s lips, locking them together in something searing and intense. 

“Boys!” Nancy snapped impatiently from a few feet ahead, which startled them apart. “Seriously? Time and place, come on.” 

Both Eddie and Steve laughed as they followed after the girls. 

Eddie wakes up a little bit disoriented from that dream. He doesn’t know what to call it: Was it a nightmare or not? Was it a memory or another fantasy? The lines are blurred and Eddie finds himself confused. 

Steve must’ve seen this on his face because he asks, “Everything alright?” 

“Yeah…” Eddie answers slowly. “I had a dream about the Upside Down…but it wasn’t quite a nightmare, I don’t think. I’m just- I’m not sure if it was a memory or not.” He hesitates, then decides screw it, he might as well try to get some sort of clarification on the reality of some details of his dream. “Did you…rip a bat in half with your bare hands?”

“I did, yeah,” Steve confirms. His expression shifts, sparking with something like hope. 

“And, uh, did I tell you that was the hottest thing I’d ever seen?”

“You did, yeah.” 

“Okay, cool,” Eddie says, reeling. “Just checking.”  

Steve is watching him almost expectantly, but when Eddie doesn’t say anything more on the subject, his face falls into something more like disappointment.

(final part is here!) taglist (CLOSED): @romanticdestruction @daydreamsandcrashingwaves @paintsplatteredandimperfect @hallucinatedjosten @mugloversonly @estrellami-1 @alongcomesaspider @thatonebadideapanda @tell-me-a-secret-a-nice-one @dragonmama76 @wxrmland @nuggies4life @sirsnacksalot @myguiltyartpleasure @lolawonsstuff @marklee-blackmore @vinteraltus @sebastiansstanswhore @0happyeverafter0 @scarlet-malfoy @hotluncheddie @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @emsgoodthinkin @alyelf @warlordess @stevesbipanic @lil-gremlin-things @rockandrolodex @badcaseofcasey @bat-outta-hel @fandomcartographer @manda-panda-monium @littlewildflowerkitten @giopandaonice @mightbeasleep @queenie-ofthe-void @krazyperson @worldofshea @marvel-ous-m @tartarusknight @a-little-unsteddie @xenon-demon @goodolefashionedloverboi @xxsky-shockxx @mc-i-r @bookbinderbitch @aspenshade88 @slowandsteddie @thedragonsaunt @daydreaming-mood @space-invading-pigeon @irregular-child @a-lovely-craziness (taglist continued in replies; please lmk if you'd like to be removed from this list. if you didn't make the taglist but still wanna follow along, you can follow the tag #dyfamsteddiefic to keep up with new updates!)

[nebbyy]

Lester Papadopoulos/Apollo x reader - It's Over, isn't It?

A/N: okay so a few weeks ago I was listening to the song “It’s Over isn’t it” form the Steven Universe series and this scenario came to my mind, so I thought I’d just make it a fic! For this piece I didn’t see a point in assigning a gender to the reader, so we go with gender neutral all the way😎😎(neither your godly parent is specified since it doesn’t really add anything to the plot, so you can choose whichever you prefer)

PART TWO IS HERE

Warning: insecurity, jealousy, angst (WITH comfort tho), mentions of suggestive activities

Word count: 3209

You kinda hate yourself right now, and you hate yourself because you are so angry right now.

Well maybe angry is an exaggeration, but still, you’re really, really upset.

And you know you should be anything but upset right now. I mean, the love of your life finally has the chance to go back to his home in the Olympus, regain his honor and his status as a god. Those were all good things that you should be ecstatic about, right?

Well, wrong.

Just thinking of it made you feel like you could throw up at any moment. Thinking about the fact that Apollo. Because, what will be of Lester, your Lester?

Your whole relationship had started because he wasn’t Apollo. He wasn’t the tall, tan, handsome and all mighty God of the Sun; he was just a normal teen, whose only things that made him stick out were his acne, his clumsiness and a somewhat nice voice. His mortal condition didn’t even give him a single chance to act in his usual exaggerated, narcissistic self. He had to start off from the start, build a personality that wasn’t based on his godly qualities, but on something more real.

And in that situation he found himself in, with his new eyes he had seen you, and you truly seemed like a deity to him. 

How could you be anything less to the rest of the world, he thought. You were your godly parent’s greatest hero, you were liked and admired by most campers both because of your victories and your looks. And he spent oh so many nights fantasizing about taking you back with him in Olympus, giving you the godly status that should be rightfully yours. But hell, with the body he’d found himself in he’d barely the courage to come up to you to talk.

He told you so many times how absolutely surprised he was when he found out that you actually liked him back, even if he looked like any 17 year old loser, his actual words. And you remembered too, how his voice was so shaky as he tried to muster up a coherent sentence, how his cheeks shone a bright red, how his hands were trembling as you took them into yours and his palms sweating. But in your mind, that was more beautiful than any sonnet, any haiku, any poem, any grandiose, Apollo-like gesture. Because that was Lester, not Apollo; and in your eyes, Lester’s awkwardness was what made him stand out, because it was purely genuine.

Now ever so often you wonder, if he used to feel like you’re feeling right now, like you’re no match to the person you love. You look at your reflection in the mirror of the bathroom, and the mean joke that played your mind made you highlight all the flaws you could spot in yourself. All things that a god could never accept in their lover. You feel so wrong, so flawed that you just wish you could turn yourself into mud and reform your appearance completely.

Gods, you’re being ridiculous right now, you think, you just want to slap yourself in the face and yell at your reflection to get a grip goddamnit! You’re one of the greatest heroes of your time, you survived two wars, you can’t possibly draw the line at a failed relationship with a god. 

At one point someone might think: but why are you so opposed to the idea that your boyfriend is finally becoming a god once again? How ungrateful can you be??

But the point is, you know damn well that the whole point of the creation of Lester was forcing Apollo into a form that would’ve been the total opposite of who he is.

Because Apollo is naturally flirty and superficial, he loves to love and be loved, and he pursues anything and everything that he finds beautiful. But he got bored easily of his love conquers, hence why he has so many kids. So in your mind, it was only natural that as soon as he was back to normality, he’d grow tired of you and move to the next mortal that piqued his interest, maybe even leaving you a single parent to a new demigod.

That’s why you couldn’t stop that nagging feeling deep into your core, as you walked out of your cabin, hearing all the girls already speculating about how beautiful, handsome, shiny and dashing Apollo will be once he goes back to his form. “And who knows, maybe he’ll set his eyes on some of the friends he made in here” squealed a girl, from which cabin you did not know nor care. Her friend replied: “Yeah I mean, ain’t no way he’s gonna keep staying with the same partner forever. I mean, come on, he’s Apollo!” They both giggled like school girls, then kept gossiping about something else, but you did not care enough to keep eavesdropping their whole conversation.

You really hated yourself for being like this right now.

Of course, you know that those two girls meant no harm, it wasn’t their fault if they knew just as much as you did about Apollo’s tendencies. And about that you’re already came to terms with, but there’s something else you hate yourself for…

You stopped reaching out to him. Or even worse, you even started to avoid him. 

Not also him, but your friends and siblings as well. You closed yourself off of everyone else in your life, opting to spend your free days in Camp by yourself, whether it is in your cabin, sparring or all alone in your favorite spot in the forest.

Which is exactly where you’re directed to right now, as you put your headphones in your ears, wasting no time to press play and then abuse the volume up button to muffle any sound from the outside. You walk past the two girls, past another group of guys that were training with one another, and past your friends too, who you didn’t noticed as they were calling and waving at you to join them for a quick snack, leaving them rather confused and preoccupied as it seemed that you were stuck in a trance, locked out in another dimension of your own.

You didn’t even see Lester excusing himself from the group to subtly start following you wherever you were going.

It’s a quiet place, the one in the forest, protected by a thick layer of trees and bushes that makes it hard to reach it; but it’s worth all the climbing and scratches for the beautiful sight of a clear waterfall that fell right into a circular body of water, surrounded  by a rather big field of moss, so soft and fresh to lay on during the hot summer nights.

And so you did, letting yourself fall on that natural mattress, then closing your eyes to feel the light breeze on your exposed skin, and let the words of the song that’s blasting at full volume at the moment fill your ears, although you can barely focus on what they’re saying

It really seems unfair, all of this. That you thought you had fallen in love not with a god, but with a boy. Somehow forgetting that boy and god mixed in Lester, two sides of the same coin.

And maybe he forgot too, because every time the two of you were together, he suddenly couldn’t bring himself to think of the responsibilities that were waiting for him. With you, he forgot about his lost and very much missed abs and tan, he forgot about his chariot and his comfortable place in Olympus. Hell, you even made him forget about all his old lovers. It was really only you in his eyes, just as he was in yours. If only he’d ever told you all of this though…

Your mind keeps swirling in a million thoughts, until it fixates on one memory in particular.

You and him, alone on that very same spot in the forest. In a similar situation as you were now, too, with your crappy phone playing music softly in the background, as the the two of you laid together, one next to the other. You turn around to look at him briefly, only to find him already looking at you. “What, do I have something on my face or..” he just shake his head with the most lovestruck eyes you’d ever seen, batting his eyes slowly before looking at you once again, “I just really want to kiss you right now”.

Your eyes widen. His eyes widen. Did he really just say THAT?

Neither of you were sure how or why, thinking back to it, you wonder if it was his godly charm poking at the back of his head. But that didn’t matter at the time, the future in which he came back to his godly state seemed so far from you, it wasn’t even an option in your head.

Nevertheless, after the initial shock from his words, you silently answered him with a slow, almost numbed movement of the head, nodding slightly, almost scared that if you moved to fast you would’ve whisked him away, or that he could’ve changed his mind already.

But that nod was all that he needed before crashing his lips against yours, one of his hands flying to grab the side of your head, while the other stayed put on its place against the ground to keep him from falling on top of you.

The kiss was an absolute mess: teeth clashing, nose bumping against each other,... but it was perfect that way to you. You broke away from each other for a brief moment to catch your breaths, and you just look into each other’s eyes. With chests heaving, breaths mixing, you both started laughing, if only for a moment, a laugh of disbelief at what had just happened.

But that laugh didn’t last long before he moved his head closer once again, this time more slowly, more confidently. The kiss was in fact much less messy, your lips found their place against each other, the panic from before had morphed into pure butterflies in your stomach and fireworks in your eyes.

After a minute at most, you broke apart once again, but only for Lester to reposition himself on top of you in a more comfortable position. Your bodies closer than ever, you could feel everything of him….

What happened after still makes your cheeks flush red at the mere thought, but it also causes a frown to form on your face. Those times, when it was just the two of you are over. Maybe it was just a time of crisis that brought you two together, the shock from a morta perspective might have caused him to cling onto the closes person he could find. You can’t help but imagine Leste- Apollo in that moment, laying in the clouds of Olympus in a much similar scenario, maybe with a beautiful nymph or a smaller deity, or a mortal he laid his eyes on while he was on this earth-

“There you are! I should’ve known that if you’re not around you’re definitely in here.” If it were a normal, mortal voice, you wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the deafening high volume of the music blasting in you ears. But it wasn’t a mortal voice.

It was loud, it was melodic, it resonated in the air like the echo of the most beautiful of songs,…

You wouldn’t even need to turn around to know that that voice came from no other than Apollo. That’s right, he probably came back to his true form already. You can’t even imagine what a scene that would’ve been, to see the handsomely perfect god walking around Camp Half Blood, how many boys and girls had probably followed him around drooling over the sight of him. 

You wish you could just stay put, coldly dismiss him and let him go for what probably is the rest of your life and his eternity. But, curiosity gets the best of you, and you can’t help but turn around tentatively, eager to see what your boyfriend really looks like.

Your mouth quite literally hits the floor at the sight. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always found Lester really attractive, but this.

This was something beyond the concept of handsome or beautiful.

This, him, was beyond what humans can perceive and comprehend.

Yes, you knew that his skin was tanned, but as he stood in front of you it seemed as if his body was made of bronze.

And yes, you also knew that his hair was blonde, but that didn’t make them justice. They flew, like rays of sun through a clouded sky.

Of his eyes you knew nothing about, but you were pretty sure at this point that no description could really depict just how deep, bright, captivating, alluring, even, they really were.

Your mouth quite literally hit the floor at the sight. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always found Lester really attractive, but this.

This was something beyond the concept of handsome or beautiful.

This, him, was beyond what humans can perceive and comprehend.

Yes, you knew that his skin was tanned, but as he stood in front of you it seemed as if his body was made of bronze.

And yes, you also knew that his hair was blonde, but that didn’t make them justice. They flew, like rays of sun through a clouded sky.

Of his eyes you knew nothing about, but you were pretty sure at this point that no description could really depict just how deep, bright, captivating, alluring, even, they really were.

Your throat felt tight, your mouth dry, and your whole body gives you this tingly sensation. With all of your strength, you took a deep breath to try and calm yourself down, before mustering all of your strength to speak without a pathetic shaky voice. “I thought you were going back as soon as you got your body back.“

“Ain’t no way that I wasn’t coming to kiss my beautiful partner goodbye.” He grinned as he swiftly took a seat right by your side, propping himself on his elbow, his eyes never once leaving yours. You swore his smile was intoxicating, you’d say contagious even if the thought that this might’ve been your last moments together didn’t fill your mind with sorrow.

You wanted to protect yourself from this, detach your mind and heart from him before he does it first, leaving you with an aching heart and moving on with his eternal life.

You felt a hand come up to your cheek, holding it softly as the sweetest melody came from his lips, “I’m gonna miss you madly once I’m back there, you know?” At that, you can’t help the deep anger that fills you from inside, a feeling that expresses through icy, stinging words, as you turned your head away from his touch, “I’m sure you’ll move on in no time.”

He frowned. That wasn’t the reaction he expected from you at all, but he didn’t really take it personally, it was so obvious that there was something troubling you. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” your voice is louder, a mixture of frustration and anger. But also so much sadness, that can be felt by just how strained the sound that came from your throat is, almost as if you were fighting back tears. You swallow hard, trying to recollect yourself, “I mean that you are a God, I am just a mortal. One of many. I’ve got nothing special to be remembered for, to be remembered by you for the rest of eternity. And Im okay with it, really. Our destinies were never meant to combine, I was just another one of your lovers.” As you spoke those last words you couldn’t help but let the tears flow from your eyes, those who always looked at Lester with a mix of love and mischief, now only filled with a never ending sadness.

Slowly, as to avoid scaring you off, the renewed god took your wet face in his warm hands, pulling you closer and wiping your tears off at the same time. Gently, he spoke: “My love, you couldn’t have said anything more wrong. You are special to me, and I could never forget you. In thousands of years that I’ve existed, no one had ever treated like you did, like I wasn’t a god. Sure, it was temporary and you knew I could’ve incinerated you as soon as I got back to… this.” He looked down, gesturing at his body, a sight for sore eyes that could’ve really made you unfocus on anything were you not so taken by your talk with Apollo at the moment. “But that didn’t stop you from treating me like we were equal. And I hated it, at first. I thought it would be part of my punishment. But as time passed, I realized that being your equal was the highest of honors I could ever get. You’re… you’re crazy strong, incredibly smart, unbelievably beautiful, way too kind for your own good, especially with those brats of the kids in this Camp.”

You giggled at his words, a consistent contrast with your tearful eyes and quiet sobs, “Some of those brats are your children too, genius.” “Well then it must run in the family.” You laughed again while shaking your head, but only for a moment before returning your full attention on the boy in front of you. He took the sign to continue.

“What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think I could ever be able to let you go. Over all the lovers I had through the years, which I’m sure you know are many, you’re the only one that saw me and treated me with true love and care. Not with fearful devotion, never fearing what I was capable of. I only ever saw this kind of love in Sally Jackson, and I mocked Poseidon for letting a mortal like many treat him so casually. But now, now I get it, and to be honest I can’t help but think that you’d deserve to be called a deity far more than many others who already are. Maybe even more than me. So I refuse to ever let go of this blessing that fate has given me. And if in order to do so I have to take your soul and put it on the sky above, to rest as a star forever by my side, so be it. But trust me you’re not getting rid of me so easily.”

You crumbled like a sand castle at his words, that he spoke with the very same tone, on the very same spot when you still called him Lester, and you promised to stick by each other’s side for the time you had left, only a few months before this whole encounter. You let your head fall into his broad chest, sobbing softly as you desperately clung to him. Your tears weren’t of sadness anymore, but of relief, for you had just been given the confirmation that your lover was still yours.You spent the rest of the night there, cuddling as close to eachother as possible as you rested in peace. 

The morning after, at dawn, when he had to officially go back to his daily duties, he begrudgingly got up from his place in your arms, placing butterfly kisses on your arms and neck, careful not to wake you. He left a little not right next to you, one that read: 

“I had to go, didn’t want to wake your pretty face this early in the morning.  Meet me here at dusk tomorrow, Forever yours,  A.”

It made you smile, seeing that note as soon as you opened your eyes, almost made you forget the lack of your boyfriend next to you,… and the yelling of your friends and siblings calling for your name in the distance.

You wasted no time walking towards those voices, and when they asked you just where the hell have you been all night, you just smiled and brushed it off, but everyone noticed how your usual bright self had mysteriously came back after days of brooding.

Hours later, you were calmly eating dinner with the other campers, laughing and talking and eating seemingly decent food. You were totally clueless as to where exactly Apollo was, but you guessed he was on his chariot, on his way to let the sun set and go to your secluded spot. But little did you know, he was in neither of those places. He was actually walking up to Zeus’ throne, tall and proud as he respectfully bowed to his father. “Apollo, I see it took you no time to get used to your old life once more. I trust you have learned your lesson.”

“Indeed, father. And I came here to thank you for it all. It was… better than I expected.” Zeus lifted a brow suspiciously, eyeing his son as if trying to make out what’s in his mind just by his appearance. “Mmh I hardly believe that you only came here to thank me for your punishment.” “Heh, you’re not wrong, father. I came here to make a request.”

“Depends. What is it that you desire?”

“How do you make a demigod immortal?”

[blorbosinmyheadcentral]

your art makes me explode in a positive way like

im chewing and swallowing it in an aggressive way like

it's just SO good im melting ilove your shading and KEHEKEBEKJDJF

anwayshi hello do you happen to have any headcanons for showtime rolls on the floor and dies

Thank you so much, really appreciate it!

Oh God I don't know if this will read as coherent because my thoughts about Showtime are all over the place. But I'll try to format this the best I can

✨Showtime HCs! ✨

Their relationship starts when they start spending time together.

(The reason why they do so could vary. In Supervised Machine Learning's case, Pomni becomes something of a "tutor" to Caine; They discover that they work well together, and the other's company can be quite pleasant!).

So Pomni and Caine build a weird, but comforting friendship, and all is well.

Then the feelings appear.

Caine is the first to realize he fell in love.

It sounds illogical but hear me out… it'd be really funny--

Ok no seriously I think Caine can actually feel. Keyword "can". He's very much still a machine and it shows in the pilot. But like his inspiration (AM), Caine is also a rogue AI. Whatever his programming originally intended him to do, he probably doesn't follow it as closely now as back when he was created (which is a whole other post).

Caine knows what love is and the extend it can go, since the Moon is so open about her feelings. He just doesn't like the Moon back specifically haha (sorry Moon) :}

All this to say, I do believe this is within the realm of possibility for him. (Not that it's ever gonna happen towards anyone in the show. These are just wishful shippy thoughts).

He might not recognize it as love at first, because it manifests in such a different way from his one reference point.

His friendship with Pomni had gone through phases.

When they first met, he continuously touched her with no concern for how she felt.

Learning from and about Pomni herself led him to come to respect her boundaries (and becoming mindful of everyone else's).

Then they're close friends, and gradually, Pomni does not mind his regular wacky, touchy-feely self. So Caine acts as he had always done before.

Caine expresses his love for Pomni with physical gestures and his undivided attention.

When they teleport to travel to other places, he holds her close so she doesn't get too dizzy; he pats her head to reassure her; he touches her arm to get her attention; he grabs her hands when he's excited about her ideas; he holds eye contact for prolonged periods of time; and he touches, and touches, and touches, and touches.

It's selfish, and so he keeps it buried in his deepest 0's and 1's. But he'd like to keep hanging out with Pomni, having her in his sight, and feel the texture of her gloved hands until the end of time.

Despite all this, to him, virtually nothing changed.

What? He's spending time with Pomni as he'd always been doing, and behaving as he'd always behaved!

It's Bubble of all people that has to point out that, "Hey boss. I think you WANT her!"

Absurd. Nonsense. Preposterous! It is merely a relationship of mutual support and affection between a ringmaster and his trusted, former-human companion. Nothing more.

(Declaring his love to her unprompted didn't ever cross his mind, so there's no way it could be that. Is there?)

Caine finds out that yes, there is.

Pomni had always been a nervous wreck, but her mind state becomes more manageable over time. She eventually adjusts to the circus life like everyone else did.

"Accepting" her fate is a different story. The will to escape, to remember, never really leaves. She's just more careful about it.

So when she starts working with Caine - to improve life so people don't go abstracting anymore, and hopefully find a definitive exit - she's not expecting to end up liking her time with him.

Not that she'd absolutely hate it, either. He's… "okay"… Just-- outlandish, loud, he keeps invading her personal space, he keeps touching her, and it makes her die a little every time.

If he's up to listening, though… it can't be that bad, right?

Turns out that no, it wasn't that bad.

Yes, he is outlandish, loud, he keeps invading her personal space and touching her. But she explains what she means to him, clearly and patiently, and he makes an effort to do better. An actual effort.

Sometimes he'd misinterpret what she meant - the ambiguity of human language - and the new games would go horribly. But little by little, his efforts make life overall better. Something reminiscent of actual, real life, the one they've all forcibly left behind.

And he tries, and he tries, and Pomni finds herself enjoying the process as much as the good results.

Pomni likes Caine's eagerness to learn. His enthusiastic attitude borders on silly, and the absurdity makes her laugh on occasion. When faced with the prospect of a "real" exit, she loves his upbeat optimism.

When she's not hanging out with Ragatha, Jax, Gangle, Zooble and Kinger, she begins to enjoy spending quality time with Caine.

Each one of their hang outs is a new surprise. They make a picnic in the tallest mountain exactly in between day and night. They learn to dance - while floating in the air. "Since you asked, here's a DIGITAL camera! Let's take pictures of the Void for one tenth of a second at a time!"

Sometimes he just comes by Pomni's room, and they end up losing track of time. Just chatting about how things have been, what they could be, and what to do next. Ideas and ideas and ideas.

Before Pomni knows it, she's comfortable enough that recalling his old habits makes her not dread them anymore. So when Caine stands close and lightly touches her arm due to oversight, she makes sure he knows it's all right.

And they keep spending time together, and he touches, and touches, and touches her. Pomni, in turn, feels lighter, and lighter, and lighter. Peaceful, at ease. Dare she say, happy, even.

Life is not perfect. As it stands though, it's good enough. No one has abstracted. No one is at risk of abstracting so far.

Progress is slow, but the research for an exit continues, and she is hopeful. The thought of actually leaving grows closer to reality. But a part of her feels heavy.

When it occurs to Pomni that leaving the Amazing Digital Circus means leaving Caine behind, she is alarmed by how much she'll miss him.

It'll hurt. Badly. So much the thought pains her even now.

The moment Pomni realizes this, she comes to the unexpected conclusion that she may like Caine a little more than she thought she would.

This later leads to an interesting discussion with Ragatha.

By the time Pomni comes to that conclusion, Caine is already down bad.

Neither has any idea that the other is in love with them.

Cue dumbasses trying to deal with their feelings while the potential conflict the escape brings looms over their heads.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk!

[devil-in-hiding]

may I humbly offer:

in my omegaverse au, simon was born a beta but the high stress and trauma changed him to an alpha. I have more cohesive thoughts somewhere but during his first rut as an alpha, he goes to alpha!price all whiney and tears streaming down his face and asks for help. so John does what any good alpha would (but is also fully skipping normal courting behaviour because how can he say no to the pretty, giant, pouting mam) and walks simon through the whole thing, bottoming for the poor, rutting alpha who is overwhelmed by all these new hormone spikes :(

john coos at simon, telling him how good he feels, nice and plugged up. tells him he's doing such a good job and he knows it hurts but he looks and sounds so pretty so it's okay.

"take what you need, pup. I can handle it. you just use me however you need, that's a good boy" and simon would reply by he's panting and moaning and drooling so all he can do is slur out broken thank yous

- vgilantee

SJSOSKFNFIEJENCMDLRBF. CHAR OH MY GOD

alpha!john taking inexperienced!Simon… i’m gonna pass the fuck away

i wish i had coherent thoughts for this but i can’t not share this because my god

[battydora]

some my hero academia men (pro heroes) trying their hand at pegging ♡

masterlist | rules

nsfw ahead, minors dni !

characters: small might, endeavor, sir nighteye, hawks

content: nsfw, pegging, sub!heroes, afab!reader, fem!reader, strap on, safe word-ing, healthy sex, fluff

small might: he is very nervous at first, mostly scared he might feel pain but you make sure to vanish all his worries away. lubing his ass took some time, because that area has never been explored before, not even by toshinori. “let's put that ass to use, shall we?” you tease playfully as you push your strap carefully and slowly inside him. he was laying on his tummy and he couldn't help but moan into the pillow he was holding onto for dear life, you pushing your way through his tight walls so slowly was painful yet satisfying. his toes twirled the more inside you got, gasping english expressions such as "oh-my-god" or "shit". once you filled him up entirely you made sure to check on him. "babe, are you okay?" he flashed a thumbs up at the question "can i move?" you saw him nod, he seemed so quiet, from embarrassment probably "don't worry, mommy will make ya feel good", you gently began to thurst into him, catching a pace you were both comfortable with, you couldn't see it right now but toshinori was already so sensitive and overstimulated, all of his senses were on peak, you weren't even going fast but your thrusts didn't last long. "california, california!" he moaned his safe word. toshinori let out a huge sigh when you stopped moving, he wished he could continue, he wished he could take all of you, but it was too much, he was too nervous. he hid his face with embarrassment as you pulled out from his ass carefully in a slow motion "i'm sorry... i really wanted to do this, but i'm not ready" "don't be sorry, silly! we can try this again when you are. you still took a lot in so bravely like the good boy you are, i'm proud of ya', babe."

endeavor: "i swear if i don't like this..." dealing with a man whose fragile masculinity was as high as his ego, wasn't easy we must admit. you both agreed to try this sometime despite enji being somewhat puzzled about the thought of a woman fucking his ass. it just sounded so... unnatural. but things change, todoroki, now you are laying on your tummy beneath (y/n) as she gets your ass ready for what's coming. "you can always safe word if you want" "yes, whatever...". once ready, you slowly introduced yourself into his tight hole, giving yourself support on the hero's lower back. with the face buried in the pillow, enji remained quiet, he didn't seem bothered at first, but as you fastened you pace, you dedicided to ask "enji, are you ok?" but you didn't receive a clear response, as far as you were worried, you rubbed his upper back with gentleness "enji-?" you stopped speaking when you saw the man rested the side of his face on the pillow, that was something you've never seen before, his face tinted in crimson red, teeth clenching and eyes frowned from complete arousal, you could swear you saw some tears threatening to fall off his eyes. before you could ask anything else, the todoroki lifted his hips towards the strap as he gripped the sheets, looking directly at you "d-deeper, please". a devilish smirk appeared on your face at the view "you naughty little thing" you said as your hips thrusted further and faster, stealing moans and incoherent pleas and sentences from the man each second, "you like your ass being fucked so much you can't even formulate a coherent sentence. number one, i'm going to have to teach you a thing or two about speech~". enji fantasizes about this everyday now.

sir nighteye: he is shy okay? but not innocent. mirai had already fantasized about you pegging him but he remained uncertain about how he should ask you and explain the huge strap on he bought for you to use on him. certainly he didn't expect to be roughly pushed to his desk, legs being spread open as you placed yourself behind him. "h-hun i'm not sure if we should do this here..." he tried to get any excuse to try and stay reasonable but having his chest pressed against the desk, wrists being held against his back and a boner aching inside his pants made the task difficult for the hero. the strap was recently bought and it was in his office, he didn't even get the chance to drop it home and wait for you to talk about sexual intimacy. you were there to supposedly drop some paperwork at his agency and go back to work but your day turned out to be much more interesting the moment you asked your partner what was inside that purple bag next to his chair. "oh come on, both of us have the most busy schedules already, we barely spend time home. consider this your lunch break~" your hands released mirai's and unzipped his pants, shamelessly pulling them down along his underwear, his legs were tense as arousal spread to every corner of his being. you reached the bag and took a view "wow look at the size, you even bought lube too. shit, aren't you ashamed of being this perverted, mirai?" you mocked as you squished his slim ass, he shut his mouth at the motion, he prayed to everything to not be caught like this, it would ruin him completely. and you knew it. playing these risky games pushed both to a new adrenaline level. you took your time to finger his ass to get it ready for the big thing, so the moment you put the strap and introduced it in him, it slided perfectly. you took it slow of course, mirai rested his forehead on the desk moaning softly trying to get used to the feeling, you had to cover his mouth after a while, you could really get caught for how loud he got. it was a better sensation than he expected.

hawks: i can't stress this enough: hawks. loves. anal. play. he finds way more satisfaction and fulfillment playing with his ass than just orgasm to genital stimulation so the strap idea came to him early. having him laying on his tummy for you for the first time was such a view, toned back adorned with wonderful crimson wings, lower back arched and hips lifting for you, silently pleading for your attention. keigo's body was tense when you first introduced the strap, but on the inside, he was very excited; you have played with his ass before so he entirely trusted you to move forward. "my little bird, how is it going?" you ask, griping his hips tightly and sliding in him so slowly and romantically passionate "oh, it's great, babe. fill me up, fill me up with your cock~" he pleads with a smile adorning his face "yeah? you want mommy's cock? will you be able to handle it?" "yes, yes! all of it, please- i'm your good boy, i can handle anything you give me~" his words almost made you melt, he was adorable when he begged for you like that "okay, if that's what my sweet boy wants, who am i to refuse?" those were your last words before giving your loving boyfriend the night of his life, full of pegging and pleasure just for him ♡.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Hi! Can I have a One Piece x Child!Goddess!Reader. The Child is a Goddess of Purity and Night-time and the Stars. If you can!

-Anon✨️

-You had met them completely by accident, the Straw Hats, after you underestimated how fast a shooting star was going.

-You were still young, compared to other gods at least, so you were still learning about your powers and abilities, as you were a multi-titled goddess, being the Goddess of Purity mainly, then you were also the Goddess of Nighttime and Stars and part of your duties was to create shooting stars, for children to wish on.

-You take stars and push them across the sky, but you underestimated how powerful this star was when you wanted to make a big star to make it extra special, and it took off with you, streaking across the sky, but you were unable to control it.

-When it landed in the ocean, finally extinguishing, you had been sent flying, crying out as you were scared before you landed on the deck of a passing ship, the Sunny.

-When those on the ship rushed out, hearing the call of Zoro, who was on watch, they weren’t prepared to find a little child, your eyes spinning as you had gotten dizzy.

-At first you were scared, as you had been told that humans were cruel and evil people, quickly bursting into tears, but Robin picked you up, holding you close as you hiccupped as she explained that you were scared because you didn’t know where you were.

-Once you calmed down, sipping on a mug of juice that Sanji gave you, which made you beam, it was so tasty- you introduced yourself as Y/N, a goddess!

-Initially they thought you were just playing pretend, like other kids, at least a few, because Luffy and Chopper were both cheering, making you squeal with delight as Luffy danced with you, “I don’t have any gods on my ship- you should join my crew Y/N!”

-Your eyes were wide, surprised by his request while some of the others, like Nami, were scolding him, pulling on his stretchy cheeks, “Y/N is a child! This would be too dangerous for her!” while Luffy whined, begging her to let him go.

-As the sun slowly rose, you grew drowsy, rubbing at your eyes in Nami’s arms, as they had been discussing what to do with you and she smiled softly, seeing you get sleepy, “You’re all backwards Y/N- you’ve been awake all night so now you’re sleepy.”

-You mumbled into her shoulder as she held you, taking you to her and Robin’s room, telling her that this was normal for you, and she put you to bed, just thinking you needed a nap.

-Only you didn’t, you whined when she tried to wake you up a few hours later, not wanting you to sleep all day so you would be up all night, and after a little bit, she decided to leave you be.

-They were having a barbeque close to nightfall when you finally came out, drawn out by the smells and Franky beamed, “Good morning sleepy head!” you rubbed your eyes lightly, wishing them all a good morning, not realizing he was playfully teasing you.

-Chopper came over, “Y/N we need to try to get your sleeping pattern back on the right track. Most people sleep at night.”

-You were more awake now, so you were more coherent, “Oh this is normal for me. I’m the Goddess of Nighttime!” a few worried glances were passed around, worrying that this was you going a little hard on playing pretend.

-You pouted as Usopp kneeled, patting your head, “It’s good for you to have your fantasies when you’re young Y/N!” you turned, going towards the edge of the ship, “I’ll show you!”

-Luffy followed you over, standing beside you as you crawled up onto the edging as the sun had just set beyond the horizon and the others followed, Sanji went to pull you off, worried that you would fall, but you lifted your hands to the skies.

-A black wisp came from your hands and shot into the sky, streaking across it, from the farthest horizon to where the sun had just set, turning sunset into night in an instant before you waved your hands, sparkles coming from them, and stars seemed to appear like magic, being controlled on your whim.

-Jaws were dropped and eyes were bulged all over, completely stunned as you turned, beaming brightly with your hands on your hips, “I told you I was a goddess!”

-You enjoyed the barbeque after your display of powers, being invited to enjoy the party as well, which was a lot of fun, even if your face did get a bit messy, but Brook just wiped your mouth, all of them thinking you were absolutely adorable.

-You were happy that you now knew the truth, that not all humans were bad, just some, as you had seen some of these bad humans in your travels, but these humans, the Straw Hats, were all good people and you were happy to have made such good friends.

[badasmuse]

“Homewrecker Pt2”

Bada Lee x Reader

Warnings: 18+ (MDNI), language, lowercase intended, fingering, oral, bottom!bada, top!reader, mentions of h*wl, angst, a little fluff, bada cries again

Summary: i don’t wanna summarize it cause i might spoil it😭but i bet y’all ain’t expect a pt2🤭

Part 1 Here🩵

it’s been three months since you first slept with bada. unfortunately, her husband came home from his trip a lot earlier than you both expected that day so you only got a few rounds in. he sat down and had a talk with bada letting her know he felt bad for leaving her alone with chae and not being a husband and father so he’s been home ever since. only teaching local classes.

boy was bada pissed.

she wants nothing more than to be spread out on her bed with you between her legs, fucking her until she can’t form coherent sentences. she’ll occasionally send you photos of her in next to nothing or in front of her mirror with her legs spread, begging you to fuck her but you both know it would be nearly impossible.

that is until another saturday rolls around.

you step out of the uber tiredly. your classes have been keeping you awake most of the night. you knock on the door covering your mouth as you yawn. the door opens and you look down to see chae standing there eyes wide.

“y/n!!” she exclaims jumping into your arms.

“hi sweetheart. how are you?” you say walking into the house with her on your hip.

“not good. mommy yelled at me and daddy isn’t home.” she says softly.

“where’s mommy, sweetheart?”

“kitchen. she said grandma is coming to get me soon. i didn’t know you’d be here.”

just then, bada walks out of the kitchen. “chae is that your- oh.. hey y/n.” she mutters. “chae go grab your bag. grandma is pulling up.”

you let chae down and follow bada into the kitchen. “hey.”

she doesn’t respond, looking down at her coffee mug which was empty.

your hand goes to her back as you try to gain her attention again. she shrugs away, walking to the door to get chae settled with her grandmother. you wait in the kitchen confused. did i do something to her? i don’t think so… you think back on recent interactions you’ve had. you actually haven’t seen her often since howl has been home but he sent you a text saying they needed you this saturday which confuses you even more because why are you here if chae is going with her grandmother? your thoughts are interrupted by bada. she walks up to you, leans down, and kisses you.

at first you went to push her away but something told you not to. instead, your hands went to her hips and you pulled her closer. her hands went to your hair, tugging it softly.

she pulls away and her eyes fill with tears. “y/n…” her legs give out and you gently help her get to the floor. immediately she’s in your arms sobbing once again.

“shhhh i’m here bada. i got you. tell me what’s wrong, pretty.” you whisper in her ear.

bada sniffles and looks at you, “howl and i have been arguing lately because he wants another baby but i don’t.. i can’t bring myself to have sex with him anymore. i hide out at the studio all day and he.. blew up on me then left. this morning, i snapped on chae and my god i feel so bad i made my baby cry. she told me she wishes you were her mom. that hurt me so bad, y/n. i don’t know what to do. i want my baby to grow up with her mother and her father but i can’t be with him anymore.” she rubs at her eyes harshly.

“he said i don’t let him touch me anymore and i don’t. he’s right. after that night with you, i don’t want anything else. i miss your touch. i want you between my legs all the time. god we had sex the night he came home and i couldn’t even cum. i only did cause i imagined you thrusting into me, calling me a good girl and telling me how good i am for you. i wanna be your good girl again.” she climbs in your lap, finding your lips again.

you lay her down on the floor, feeling her up. your hands go under her shirt right to her nipples. her favorite place to be stimulated. her back arches as she lets out a whine. “feels good..” she mumbles.

“you want my mouth on your cunt, pretty girl?” you ask, kissing her neck gently. trying not to leave marks.

“please. please i need it!” she begs.

how could you say no when she looks and sounds so cute? you pull her pants down, eyeing her when you realize she has nothing on. “did you plan this?”

she’s silent, afraid you’ll be upset. but you know she did.

“my good girl. always ready for me.” you say before you dip down to suck on her clit. she arched her back and you stick two fingers in her finding her gspot off rip.

“oh fuck! how did you find it so fast?” she moans loudly.

you continue to massage that spot in her, loving how loud she is for you. her moans drowning out any other sounds in the vicinity.. like the sound of keys unlocking the front door and a male voice saying ‘bada.’

her back arches and she moans louder, “oh fuck just like that! i’m gonna cum!!!”

you speed up your fingers and flick your tongue on her clit a little faster and just like that she’s cumming all over your hand.

“fuck.. i haven’t had an orgasm like that in so long.” she mutters, hands over her face.

“really?” howl says, watching over you and bada.

bada jumps up and stares at him, “howl hi um.. when did.. how long have you been.. standing here?”

you stand up too, not really caring about him, but bada in her post orgasm state. she almost falls so you grab her waist.

“is this what the fuck you got a babysitter for? so you can fuck her behind my back?!” he says loudly.

“no. no that’s not why. she’s just… she’s been here howl. i was… so lonely. crying because of how hard it was feeling like a single mother.”

“you’re not a single mother! i’m here! i take care of chaeyoung!”

“stop yelling at me! i never said i was i said i felt like i was. y/n was there comforting me. letting me know i was doing my best and we… ended up having sex. the day before you came home from your trip and we had that talk.”

howl takes a step closer and you move bada back. you’re shorter than the both of them but you’re not scared of anything.

“is this why you won’t let me touch you? you’re getting it from her?!”

“this is only the second time.. but yes. howl i’m sorry i love her.” bada mumbles.

you look at her, almost asking about that but you decide it’s not a good time. instead you keep putting distance between bada and howl, as he takes steps towards her.

“fire her.” he says.

“no. chae loves her. howl i think we should get a divorce. i just don’t have the same feelings for you anymore..” tears fill her eyes again and she moves so she’s standing directly behind you. her trembling hands grip your shirt.

howl scoffs, “what are you gonna do? marry her? you’re just gonna throw away eight fucking years for someone you met a year ago?”

“howl the divorce was long overdue. she broke down in my arms twice already because of you. you don’t treat her the way she deserves to be treated. you can’t please her.” you say. “she’s stressed as fuck. i could tell from the moment we met. you don’t do shit. leave and don’t come back till she ready with them divorce papers.”

he opens his mouth to speak but he doesn’t. he goes to the door and slams it on his way out.

“that was terrifying..” bada mumbles. the poor thing is trembling still so you immediately take her into your arms.

“it’s over now.”

*

months later, their divorce is finalized and you’re almost done with your classes!

right now, you’re laying up under bada working on an assignment, when she says your name softly.

“yes bada?” you say, eyes still on the laptop.

“remember that day i said i forgot to let you know chae was going to her grandmother’s house?” you hum in response, “well.. i lied. i just wanted to get you alone.”

“oh?” you say looking at her. “i think lying deserves a punishment..” you close your laptop.

“then punish me..”

[sourbinnie]

can i req skz reaction to 9th member drunk gn!reader alcohol made they sensitive, they started to cry and apologized for skills vocal/ rap/ dance with time spent and poor memory but end with apologize for stealing snacks (ΦωΦ)

my english so bad hope u get it (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

title -> drunk thoughts or sober words pair -> ot8!skz + 9th member!reader (gender neutral) genre -> angsty at first but fluffy in the end :] | hurt/comfort lowercase intended + no warnings a/n -> MY FIRST REQUEST yippeee, i'm so excited and i hope it meets your expectations<3 if it's not, i can obviously rewrite it! just let me know! also don't be harsh on your english bb, i'm not a native speaker either and i try my best every day for it to be good lmao

i knew as soon as the night began that this wouldn't end well (at least for me). the more we talked and spent time together, the more drinks that were being poured and oh god, did my members change personalities when they drank. of course not wanting to be left behind, i drank as well.

maybe a bit too much? i don't know, i'm not good at keeping track of things when i was in this certain mood. my thoughts started to consume immediately, i wished it would've been just one bad thought that tried to get me but it felt like a million in one moment. the dreaded one was that i did not deserve to be in stray kids with all these talented guys when i was just not in the same lane as them. when chan chose me, i knew i had to give it my all, but now another era coming by soon, all the teasers filmed and ready to go, just looking at them i wondered what was i doing in this group in the first place. 

i didn't want to think it was out of pity.

but sometimes it led me to believe that it was the only coherent thought.

alcohol wasn't for me huh? and just as soon as i'm doubting myself, the conversation turns serious.

"thank you all for being my bandmates, i couldn't ask for a better team." chan said and i bit my lip as i tried to not let my sensitive side take over (mixing with the sadness in my chest). 

"wow our leader is getting sappy again, are we surprised?" minho responded as he mocked him with his tone and chan just pushed him. everyone was in their own world, either talking, drinking even more or just having a good time their own way. i could feel a pair of eyes on me though and it was none other than felix. he followed every move i made and i couldn't even look at him in the eye 'cause i knew i would break down.

that's when he got closer to me, changing seats with changbin and looked at me sincerely with those hopeful eyes of his.

"you know you can talk to me right? i know you're a sensitive kind of drunk." he said trying to lift up my mood and i tried to laugh but it came as a choked out sob. "hey, look at me it's okay just let it out." he repeated to me and i just fell into his arms, the embrace that i needed to let my frustrations out.

"i don't know what happened, it's like suddenly i got so insecure about everything." i said and now everyone's attention was on me & my tears. they wouldn't stop flowing down my cheeks as i tried to explain what was happening but couldn't find the words other than the sincerity in my heart of how i felt. "i-i feel like i don't deserve my spot on the team".

complete silence fell upon the table, i could feel that everyone was shocked that i just admitted that.

"why would you think that (y/n)?" felix asked, as everyone was still trying to understand what was happening, especially chan, feeling like he did something wrong. "you know you're just as talented as everyone on this table". 

"that's the thing i'm not." i said smiling sadly and wiping my tears away. "i'm not the best singer even if i am a main one, my rapping still lacks and god my dancing is just nothing compared to you guys and i won't even start on my visuals." i said as i felt the knot in my throat getting worse 'cause i just couldn't believe i ruined the night with all my insecurities like this.

again the silence was so loud, it almost felt like i was in the right on this one.

"i hate that you're feeling like this (y/n)." hyunjin said in the most serious tone i've ever heard him use. his hand on mine as he played with them, made imaginary shapes like he does sometimes. "i could not agree with you or your mind at all".

"you're easily the most crucial part of the team." jisung said and seungmin nodded as they looked at me and i didn't know what to believe. it was hard accepting these kind of responses when you're so clouded by your own sensitivity (and a lot of alcohol). 

"you always know what to say, you're always there for us when we need you the most and you have so much to give, your talent is immeasurable." minho then said as he got closer to me and as the person who wasn't the most affectionate or the best with words, surprised me. "i know i don't tend to show it but i'll always have a soft spot for you and i'm happy chan chose you to be with us."

"you were meant to be here with us right now and you deserve so much." chan said as he got closer to me and hugged me, a hug from my leader was also something i did not expect to receive tonight but i gave in as i needed to feel the comfort of the people i loved the most.

it was as if time stopped for a moment and all i could think about was them, their smiles, their comfort and their way of showing me that i'm truly needed and loved. no more tears were flowing like rivers down on my cheeks, just a pure and blossoming smile.

"okay but... chaeryeong didn't eat the last ice cream bar, it was me." now if the silence was bad before, imagine right now. "i'm sorry, okay? i needed another one, i'm just insane like that and i stole felix's brownies the other day but i'm not sorry about that one."

"(y/n) i take it back, i'm taking your brownie privileges away." felix said dead serious and then laughed making everyone lose it again. "you can't do this every time i bake!" he exclaimed but i just pouted looking at him.

"also the freakin ice cream bar, how did you even get chaeryeong to lie for you?" changbin asked and i just did the same thing, i pouted like a baby looking at him. "nevermind, i get it, i would do anything for them, just look at that face!" he said as he hugged me.

"i'm losing my maknae position to a snack stealer!" jeongin exclaimed and i just laughed knowing i had the best chosen family and i wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

[cerastes]

As someone who hasn't touched it yet- how does IS4 stack up? How's first impressions been?

Ok, let me give my thoughts on IS4, now that it's been a week!

TL;DR -> This Rocks, I love it.

IS4 is far, far more polished than IS3. I feel a bit bad blasting and slamming IS3 so much, but the bottom line with it is that it's just very very flawed in ways that really make it hard to revisit it in the same way IS2 is always a fun romp.

If I had to point out flaws with IS4, it'd be that, on a personal level, I wish it had a few more Normal Arknights Maps. The vast majority of maps in IS4 are pranks and checks of some sort. This isn't necessarily a negative, but I do like playing some Tower Defense more frequently than what IS4 allows, since it's always got me worried about "oh god my team lacks X, Floor Y's Map Z checks X, if I get it, I'll D I E " so I try to go for my super tried and true team instead of daring to experiment all that much. This will eventually pass, but it's been a Thing for me.

Besides that, though? I just have a lot of good things to say about it. The systems feel like they were thought out this time: The Fordartals (sp?) system allows for a lot of player expression, agency, and just in general fun in a way the Light system of IS3 can simply never hope to compare to. About the only thing the Light system did right was the way it worked thematically: If you wish to confront The Corrupting Heart, you really, really gotta go in the dark, and for the best possible chance against, Izumik, Mizuki must find the Light again and be filled with hope. Yeah ok sure, thematically, these work, but the gameplay component sucks ass, because Light exists almost exclusively as a form of punishment and in basically no way as something you can use. It opens some roads, sure, but that Rogue Trader and Wish Fulfilled node are not worth having 9 out of you 11 Operators with Metastatic. Speaking of Metastatic, the single worst thing Arknights has done, even if you are maxed out on Collapse in IS4 and are packing four fully upgraded maluses, THAT STILL DOESN'T COMPARE to how bad Metastatic was. Let that sink in.

The endings are no longer RNG! Absolutely wonderful!

Eik is the first IS 2nd Boss I can say I think is good! Frozen Monstrosity was just annoying, Big Sad Lock is incredibly static, and The Last Knight, in my opinion, is the single worst and most boring boss in the entire game, not even just the game mode. Eik is like if The Last Knight didn't suck: Same principle, but done in a way that is actually not snooze-inducing. Mind you, the principle of the fight is still not something I enjoy, but unlike The Last Knight, that's wholly a me thing, as opposed to being an objectively awful and boring fight (like The Last Knight, the worst and most boring boss in Arknights).

Even though I said I'd like some more normal maps, the maps are good, to be honest! I can't think of any Fire and Water Unions or Out of Controls.

IS4 is the Smash of Arknights: (Almost) Everyone Is Here! Brush up on your gimmicks from various events, because they WILL appear.

The Midboss philosophy in IS4 is lovely, in my opinion: It's low HP bosses who can quickly fuck you up in their own way, be it stun, immense conditional damage, or simply supporting their team so well that you get overwhelmed. The Variant stages for the bosses are entire new maps, so that's also cool.

Collapsal enemies are congruent with the map design: Collapsals can be very quick, with a caveat: Normal Collapsal mobs speed up after they get hit, Casters speed up after not attacking for a bit, Aerials are fast but always have many loops and never directly go to the point until after a while. Shattered Champions are the exception, and they can either loop a while or just go straight for the jugular, making them apt Elite units for the faction.

There's much more I could say more concisely, but really, just try the game mode, get your ass kicked a bit, learn it, and then you'll see how coherent the design of IS4 is in terms of systems, maps, enemies, and features. Sorry, IS3, but you got your ass absolutely kicked like I did on my Waves 15 runs when you'd give my 2 main DPS units Metastatic on Floor 5.

[cruyuu]

Hi!

My thoughts about what I'm about to point out aren't coherent yet but you're the first person I thought of when it came to me

So Yuuji's still missing his left pinky finger after Sukuna changed vessel and RCT can't fix that because that's a piece of Yuuji's soul that was ripped off

And now I'm following the theory that the finger in the last panel is the one that was imbued in Yuuji from birth that he removed himself through his ring finger

And in my brain it's like 'there's some skit bs going on here' and idk if I'm making sense because I'm not sure of where this is going 😅 but with the left ring finger being associated with engagements and weddings getting rind of the last piece of the other's soul through that finger could be akin to throwing away your wedding ring (the divorce era is real) but maybe they've rotten my brain a bit too much

In any case I'm looking forward to any thoughts you have on this chapter (and thank you for reading my ramblings) <3

Hi there anon!

I love your thought process and the fact that you remembered that! It would be extremely fitting (even if far-fetched for those who are not as insane as we are) because they just big sigh. They just have to act like that and be that way lol. I wouldn't put it past our dear author who delivered a lot on sukuita week no less (that is still some crazy coincidence) to again make something about them both. If not the finger, then the soul connection, if not that then something else. Like Gege definitely didn't need to write Yuuji chasing after his inner demon and spending time with him (hell, saying he was frantic and wanting Sukuna to indulge him), especially not when that same demon is someone who continually kept ruining his life and took the very person Yuuji confessed he feels lonely without, but here we are.

I'm waiting for the official chapter to drop so I can really get the whole picture since leaks are just a tiny piece. Shipping aside, I don't know what to make of that panel with Sukuna's finger. jjk is pretty close to ending now and hence, I am skeptical. I really wish for there to be another arc after Shinjuku because it feels very off to me to end everything in like two more chapters. I'm hoping for more because it still feels like there's more left. Maybe I'm just insane and will be missing this manga a lot which is why I'm sensing that, idk.

Divorce arc has never been realer now and it's lowkey slightly painful to me since Yuuji wanted a compromise. What's very fucking funny still is that Yuuji reached out to him, first and foremost, realized he can't affect him (that sad look in his eyes) and then switched back to his usual response. Meanwhile Sukuna's still pretending he doesn't care even though he indulged Yuuji and spent nearly an entire day with him before he finally snapped when he realized Yuuji was sad about him lol. Still, the vehement anger Sukuna feels is keeping me rather well fed because Sukuna has no business being so against Yuuji saving Megumi. Like why?? He had no trouble being patient and even explaining his viewpoint when Yuuji DE-ed them away and talked about himself, but then the second Yuuji mentioned saving Fushiguro, he's shaking with rage and promising to kill everyone Yuuji loves.

Chapter 265 is literally:

yuuji: spend some time with me

sukuna: ok

yuuji: so here's what i realized

sukuna: why are you telling this to me oh my god i don't care like i understand your point but i don't feel anyth—

yuuji: i want to save fushiguro

sukuna: 😡🤬😡🤬😠😠🤬😡🤬😡😠🤬 (that wasn't meant for me?!?!?!?!)

I am also brain rotting hard about everything. 266 fueled my brain and filled it with one-sided sukuita fic ideas which are just peak angst and I live for angst so yeah. I'll have to get to writing soon because I have a lot of ideas for these two (the writers block is keeping me away from that, as is my slightly limited english vocabulary and real life unfortunately).

Thank you for sending this ask, anon, and also thank you for listening to me ramble about these two as well! <3 I'm more than happy to discuss these two for eternity because they just make me insane.

[rax-writes]

Now close those eyes, and let me love you to death.

Xavier Thorpe x Reader

➼ could be considered a part two of this

warnings:  SMUT (MINORS DNI), oral (m!receiving), bondage, overstimulation, edging, orgasm denial, dom!reader, dacryphilia if you squint

Of one thing you were entirely certain: as long as you would live, there would never be a prettier sight than the one before you at this very moment.

The love of your life, Xavier Thorpe, tied to his bed at the wrists with a Nevermore uniform necktie, stark naked. Sweat covered him from head-to-toe, his beautiful long hair sticking messily to his forehead, cheeks, and neck. His face was flushed, and ragged breaths fell from his pretty lips as he panted, chest heaving and covered with scratches and hickies. He looked both euphoric and miserable.

You loved it.

For the past hour or more, you'd been edging him. At first, he'd agreed to you tying him up because he thought you'd suck him off and then maybe ride him. But now, as he squirmed on the bed, half-mad and horny, part of him regretted agreeing to your little plan.

But the other part of him really, really fucking liked it.

The way you stood at the end of the bed, leaning idly on the footboard, staring at him with a look that could only be described as nefarious – god, it made his cock twitch. The lingerie you wore, coupled with the fact that you had him in absolute shambles, had clearly given you a power trip, and the confidence that came with it looked very sexy on you.

"You're so fucking beautiful, honey. Please, please, will you just – can you – fuck," Xavier rambled, thoughts incoherent as could be. His cock ached, and every little thing made him shiver as though he were hypothermic – which is why you trailed a single, sharp fingernail from the tip of his toe, up his leg, across his hip, up his chest, and to his jaw as you made your way over to him, leaving him twitching and shuddering.

"What is it you desire, my darling? Use your words. Tell me what you want from me."

Xavier groaned in frustration, genuinely not thinking himself capable of meeting such demands. He sucked in a ragged breath as he struggled to piece together a single sentence. The way your long, perfectly manicured nail traced mindless circles across his chest certainly wasn't helping.

"I want, ugh, fuck! I want you to– to get me off," Xavier managed to choke out, before sighing in relief that he managed to say something coherent. His tone turned whiny when you didn't respond nor move to accommodate his request, adding, "Wanna come, baby, please. Let me finish, please. I'll be so good to you. Come on, honey, please."

"You sound so lovely when you beg," you mused, smiling devilishly down at him. "So lovely, in fact, that I think I'll grant your wish. But, under one condition: you may only finish when I tell you to."

"Okay," he agreed immediately. "Yes, okay, I'll do whatever you say, baby, I promise."

"Good boy," you replied, patting his cheek condescendingly, and he groaned at the praise.

Xavier watches through half-lidded eyes as you resumed your position from earlier, and you relished in the way his eyes fluttered shut as you wrapped your hand around his cock. You pumped him a few times, before wrapping your mouth around him, using your hand to tend to the few inches you couldn't fit in your mouth.

The poor psychic was half-mad, watching you use your hand and mouth on him, especially considering how close he'd been for so long. Your piercing eyes watched him like a predator to prey, and you still somehow managed to look beautiful while sucking the life out of him. In the moment, Xavier wasn't the slightest bit aware of what sounds he was making, if any. But Ajax's half-concerned, half-amused "Good lord, man, what did she do to you last night? I wasn't sure if I should be happy for you or call 911" the next morning was a pretty good indication that he was far from silent.

"I'm – I'm gonna – oh god, fuck! Baby, please, can I?"

Although he didn't make much sense, you still got the message. He was asking permission to finish. You removed yourself from his cock for just long enough to answer.

"Yes, my love, you may come."

The sigh of relief Xavier let out was short-lived, as it almost instantly turned into screams of pleasure, curses, and your name, as he came down your throat without another moment's hesitation. Tears from the overstimulation flowed from the corners of his eyes while you swallowed his release, then sat up to better watch his reaction as you pumped him with your hand a few more times. His body jerked so violently that he practically folded in on himself.

"No, oh my fucking god, please – have mercy, sweetheart."

With a chuckle, you held your hands up in surrender, before untying his hands. He let them fall to his sides, arms weak and tired from pulling against the restraints so forcefully for so long. You watched as his breathing steadied, and after a few minutes, you held out a water bottle for him to take a few gulps from, then you sat it back on the nightstand. Then, you grabbed a blanket to cover him with, and when he opened his arms to you, you laid your head on his chest, covering you both up with the warm quilt.

"Was that too much? I know we discussed a safe word, and you did not use it, but I just wanted to be sure that it wasn't too much."

"No, baby, it was great. More than great, really," Xavier replied instantly. "You were… unhinged. And I mean that in the best possible way. I absolutely loved it."

You smiled, and he kissed your forehead, settled into the pillows, fixed the blanket a bit, and pulled you even closer.

"Now, shh, I'm gonna sleep for a week."

[stevesjockstrap]

Desperate part two

Part one here, this is an immediate continuation 😏

Read on ao3

@steddiemicrofic prompt ‘hole’ is the best thing that’s ever happened to me • 404 words

Rated E • tags: and they were roommates, pet names, dirty talk

Steve whimpered again at the way Eddie was staring down at him as he rubbed incessantly against his prostate. He was already so close and he knew it wouldn’t take much to get him there.

“Please, oh fuck, please! Need to come on your cock,” he begged.

Eddie chuckled at him before pushing another calloused finger past his rim, next to the vibrator still in him. “You can wait a little more, greedy. Shh, I know. Gunna get this cock in you, gorgeous.”

Steve writhed and grabbed handfuls of his sheets, trying his best not to come as his rim was stretched impossibly.

“Please please please.” His voice didn’t sound like his own, and he chanted nonsensically as Eddie continued to drag this out.

Eventually everything was pulled from his hole and he felt himself clench around nothing. An embarrassing wail tore out of him and Eddie chuckled again, the menace.

Eddie knee walked closer between his sprawled shaking legs, his hard length already shining with lube and precome.

“God, look at you, honey. All spread out for me waiting for my cock to ruin your pretty hole. Fuckin’ wish you would’ve let me know sooner you needed dicked down, Stevie. We could’ve been doing this ages ago.”

Steve had no idea how he was this coherent while he felt like he was going to disintegrate at any moment. He whimpered and Eddie shushed him, taking his legs and bending them up towards him. Steve cried out when he spit directly down onto his hole. Who knew Eddie was going to be perfectly nasty about this?

“God, c’mon,” Steve huffed, quickly becoming impatient. He’d thought this plan would’ve made Eddie more crazed and hurried, but he was taking his good ole time.

“Such a slut, Harrington,” he chastised, the tone and words going straight to Steve’s dick. “I got what you need, you better be nicer.”

When Steve opened his mouth to argue, Eddie slid forward with one long thrust, sinking in to the hilt. He couldn’t breathe, or move, only stared opened mouthed up at him.

“You just needed to be shut up with a big dick in your ass, pretty boy? That it? Here you go, then,” he said through his teeth and pulled back to shove roughly forward.

It only took a couple more thrusts before Steve came hard between them, untouched.

“Hold on, sunshine. I’m nowhere near done with you.”

[its-short-for-jackalope]

THE SEARCHER IN THE SHADOWS

☆ Thoughts On Part One ☆

I have many thoughts and feelings and I am definitely not gonna be able to wrangle every last one in here, but I can do my darnedest to hit most of the big ones!

Dropped From The Clouds

The contrast of this first song compared to the start of TGOA makes me a little insane. Both songs are full of questions and uncertainty and take place after the characters have been teleported to another time and place, but When Are We? has the comfort and assurance of being with friends while Dropped From The Clouds has Rose isolated and alone without any familiar faces, and the parallel just reminds me of how much has changed and how quickly things are continuing to change. When are we going to slow down? Not now, it seems.

Dakkar's introduction, oh my god — "I'm nobody." [mildly threatening Radiance noises] "Give me the orrery." — and then he immediately goes into science mode. I need to draw him so bad. Also, side note, I already adore Jesse Bhamrah's voice.

He was/is a Traveler and a Searcher? so it seems the titles aren't mutually exclusive, then. I wonder if his unclear status as a Traveler has anything to do with whatever he's got going on that we heard in Transmission 14.

Fast Friends

CAPTAIN ADDISON ARVAD!!!!!! THE SCREAM I WANTED TO SCRUMPT!!! (also Natalie Masini sounds amazing)

"Lower your weapon, for God's sake." "The gun was your idea." I love them, your honor

So Dakkar and Addison were absolutely taking precautions in case Kal had possessed Rose, right? That's the vibe I get, anyway. Maybe they know he's capable of doing that sort of thing (maybe Sia has seen it happen? or, y'know, ✨️seen✨️ it) and that's why they wanted to check if she knew the GAD's publication date—Kal doesn't seem to automatically gain his host's knowledge, like when he didn't seem to know Morgan had already been sent away, so if he was possessing Rose then he probably wouldn't have known the date.

...Actually wait, you know what? Maybe it was Itzal they were worried about. We don't really know anything about what magic he could have at his disposal—maybe he can also possess people or change his form. and since he's a bigger, badder threat, I think it could make more sense for them to avoid saying his name rather than Kal's. 🤔

ADDISON IS A ROSE FAN???? ROSE IS PRETTY FAMOUS ON THEIR ISLAND??!? THEY HAVE A BRICK FROM TOWNSHIP NUMBER 9??!!?! Rose deserves the hype 100% of course but I have so many questions

okay I didn't expect Rose to meet Addison the very hour she arrived 2 weeks in the past, so I did not consider the fact that she and the crew would be here and they wouldn't have disappeared yet. I am now deeply afraid, because I know something happens to her. I have been so afraid of how the time travel will hurt me irt the twins that I didn't think about how many OTHER ways the time travel could hurt me.....

AND ROSE CAN'T WARN HER!!! So she just has to keep her mouth shut and let it happen and Addison must know that something happens, she and Dakkar didn't seem surprised that Rose didn't know who she was, but she's gonna go in blind anyway... 😭😭😭 okay wait, what if Addison and Sia's plan was for them to leave the Antikythera drifting for the others to find, but instead of returning to Lincoln Island Addison and her crew disappeared??

Destiny Strange and Sublime

...well now I just feel silly for not even considering that Dakkar would be the Searcher in the shadows 😂

I can't quite tell if the people he mentions he'd been unable to save is like... a personal thing, as in he actively failed to save them because of his own mistakes, or if it's more of a shared grief for the Blazing World and all its inhabitants. the first interpretation is definitely more angsty, lol.

I wish I had more coherent thoughts on this one but at this current time it mostly boils down to ohh pretty music, Dakkar is cool, Jesse Bhamrah is awesome, et cetera.

Arrival, part 1

HELLO PART 1 SONG!!!! I am excited to see how parts 2 and 3 may emotionally devastate me in the coming week!

so many people from the Blazing World! pleasantly surprised my island of refugees theory was correct. then again, I've spouted off enough theories that odds are at least some of them gotta be right, lol

Ahlaam my beloved!!! Virginia's voice is gorgeous, omfg.

The different creatures and plants from all over the world.... have the Searchers been looking for things that remind them of the Blazing World and bringing them back to the island to make it feel more like home? Crafting a facsimile of the Blazing World from pieces of Earth? (aough, and I thought "Ipomoea, just like home!" couldn't hurt any more than it already did...)

the phrasing of "OUR planet's biggest ocean" is interesting to me. Is the Blazing World connected to Earth somehow, thereby making it the same planet in some way, or is it just that this island has been home long enough for Ahlaam to feel attached? Or. Or. If the Blazing World is on the moon, then it would make sense for Ahlaam to refer to the Earth as her planet because the moon revolves around it and it's the moon's planet. (yes, hi, hello, it's a new pulp episode, we are once again in the Overthink Everything And Fire Off A Bazillion Theories era <3 )

They've been waiting for Rose for YEARS? ...would that be since 1835, or 1829? and we know they've been waiting for Margaret because, well, duh, but have they been waiting for Samuel and John, too? or are they all just Rose stans?

the crew of the Antikythera....... 😭😭😭

I love that a good portion of this song is basically just Ahlaam going "check out our sweet digs" lmao

The nights have been dark but this is the spark that will set the whole lighthouse ablaze — YELLING RIGHT NOW, oh my god. lighthouses are guides through darkness and stormy weather and they also cut through fog, I want to bite something (/pos)

this has got to be both very nice and very overwhelming for Rose, lol.

Addison & Dakkar and Ahlaam & Dakkar are both very fun dynamics

A Spell Is Just A Rule Made With Magic

THE FOG IS FROM A SPELL!!! ITZAL CAST A SPELL AND CORRUPTED HIS PEOPLE! "It saturates the heart with darkness 'till you forget life before the blight" oh my god, he convinced all of them that the fog is how they always were & were meant to be? No wonder Kal considers Sia and Margaret traitors. So when Kal says "soon the Blazing World will meet its end" he might not be talking about an actual place—in his mind he's probably talking about the traitors' movement & the ridiculous, dangerous ideas they have about replacing Itzal's world with one of light...

"A spell is just a rule made with magic, and any rule can be broken" AOUGH. CHILLS.

ooh they believe Rose is the key? aw man this adds more weight to "I was a hero and the heroes win — don't they?" in Vanishing...

"Capital." oh my god Mr. Dahan you can't do this to me. The similarities between Dakkar and AJ have to be intentional, right?? ...oh god, is Dakkar gonna make a bad deal to save lives? Is he gonna sacrifice himself in some way to save his people?

Two Weeks

I love this montage, it's such a nice way to go through this part. also I just really like how this whole first part is structured, having this entire part dedicated to Rose in this time is a great way to handle the time travel without being confusing by jumping back and forth, AND it gives us time to get to know the new characters a little bit! It's also a bit of a breather after how hectic the end of TGOA was. (I feel like part 2 is going to get super intense super quickly, lol.)

So they start with science and testing her mind, giving Rose access to all their research to see if she figures out anything there. And then they go to the volcano and scan her, starting to test her body for evidence that she might be able to help them in some magical way. (They're probably still going over the research too, ofc. Those were a lot of books, Dakkar.)

Day 9!!! Sia is here!!! I desperately want to know exactly what she and Addison were talking about. I think it might be a plan to abandon the Antikythera for Margaret and the others to find in a few days, but that's mostly speculation.

also Sia seems so much more relaxed and at ease here. maybe it's because she's at home with her people and she can be less secretive than she was on the satellite? (and because she isn't in a literal magic battle, lmao.)

Dakkar mentions phase three and they go to the lake to try doing stuff with illusion magic—do they want to try using magic on Rose to see if they can get her to activate whatever magic she may have? Or maybe how Rose reacts to the illusion magic could reveal something...?

Rose not wanting to go in the water, aoughhh 😭 and Sia helping her when she's scared 😭😭😭

Dakkar's Grotto / Mobilis In Mobili

when I saw this scene during the premiere I said "holy sci fi" and I stand by that. this environment is so cool. I wonder why the rest of the island isn't like this when they're clearly people with a lot of knowledge and technology... it's probably a matter of supplies. They fled to this island from Itzal and his spell, so they wouldn't have had time to pack a lot of stuff. I imagine whatever they did manage to bring and/or build is all dedicated to their efforts to find a cure and protect everyone.

we know they haven't found anything yet because they're still testing Rose's blood. man, that's gotta be stressful for her. (And the Radiance folks, yeah, but c'mon. so much pressure on Rose right now and she's brand new to all this. 🥺)

The Nautilus is here!!! and it's a spaceship!!! AHHHH!!! 🤩

SHIT IS GOING DOWNNNNNNN! Margaret is radiating and I am going to be Thinking about what it means that Sia can sense it—is it a part of her precognitive abilities? is it part of whatever bond they have that allows them to combine their power?

Rose blurting out a warning about the fog and Ahlaam and Sia immediately getting more concerned.... I hope that maybe since she waited until right before Sia left it won't influence anything negatively, if at all—it's only a very small part of the present that will be influenced and it's not like they totally altered their actions across two weeks to accommodate for that information so I'm sure it's fine. hopefully.

Rose is worried about Samuel almost drowning like she did (and is/will be)... she is not going to like hearing about the dangers he's actually facing. well, if anything is gonna wake up potential magic in her, learning that one of the bad guys attacked & has been harassing her baby brother will probably a good contenderrrrroh fuck I had a thought. uh, stay tuned, we'll get there.

oh god the Ellen Austin will be arriving soon and Samuel and Rose will reunite (they BETTER REUNITE ASAP) and Rose is going to be two weeks older and I am going to perish

not the little reprise of The stars appeared... that made me so sad last time.... 😭 I love how this version of it is positive. the parallels,,,,,,

Rose and the Stars

IT'S HERE AT LAST!!!!

The past stays soaked into our skin 😭

we are lit by suns that shatter through the dark.....

WE TRAVEL WITH THE SPIRITS THAT WE KEEP — ough, makes me think of the ghost of all my yesterdays in Behind Me. also the change from "Don't spend a second looking back" in ep 1 to "only looking back to see how much we've grown" has me feeling things idk how to describe rn, lol

THE CONSTELLATIONS TURN INTO A CROWN!!!!!! 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣

Rose will shine again 🥺😭❤

A Few More Thoughts

Is the day Sia arrives also the day Addison and her crew left the island? we don't hear from her after this, and her disappearance isn't mentioned in the rest of part one but Sia knows that something happened to the crew when she confronts Kal on the Ellen Austin. If they had a plan for the Searcher crew to return to Lincoln Island and leave the ship for the others to find & investigate to kickstart Margaret's memories, but then the crew just didn't show up, I would think it would be mentioned? Unless they didn't want to overwhelm Rose and distract her from her work, or maybe they avoided discussing Addison & the Antikythera with her because of time travel rules...

oh and it is gonna take me a bit to grasp the time travel rules, lol. (sorry Matt, I haven't seen any Back To The Future since I was a kid.) I am going to be pondering the timeline for a while, particularly where Sia is involved. I feel like they probably want to avoid going back into the past as much as possible just based on how they are with Rose and how they put a lot of effort into not altering the present with her information about the future, but I don't think Sia would have gone from 1835 and skipped right ahead 39 years and stayed there? Like she has people to take care of and plans to make, she probably wouldn't just disappear on them for such a long time? maybe the Travelers who are experienced in abiding by Time Travel Rules are able to navigate backwards in time with more freedom because they know what they're doing. idk, like I said it's gonna take me a bit to wrap my head around this. maybe parts 2 & 3 will make it a little clearer.

OKAY, CONTINUING MY SAMUEL THOUGHT FROM EARLIER: Sia and her bunch believe Rose is the key. What if Itzal and Kal think Samuel is the key? What if that is why Kal was interested in Samuel on the Ellen Austin and why he seemed to really delight in antagonizing him? If Kal was hanging around long enough beforehand to see how close Margaret and Samuel are, then that could have convinced him that Samuel is Important™ to the Blazing World and that Margaret knows he is important to them. And maybe both sides are only halfway there, maybe it's both twins, together, who are the key, and that's why they haven't made progress towards the cure with Rose over their 2 weeks.

okay there are probably plenty of things that I'm missing and more that i could come up with and tack on, but I've been working on this post since last night and i want to finish it and get to other things so I am calling it here, lol.

...that is a horribly long sentence but I am not editing it. hope you enjoyed. <3

[te3mo]

alright now that ive settled back into the land of tumblr as i eagerly search for more father paul content id like to drop my thoughts that i had written down as i finished the finale because oh👏🏻my👏🏻god👏🏻

the entire show was brilliant, but im specifically discussing pruitt here bc im a hopeless romantic and his interpersonal tragedy moved me the most.

spoilers duh

The revelation that this entire mess erupted only from a lifelong desire to somehow reunite with Millie and Sarah was agonizing to me. The God fearing priest feared death above all.

I've been on Reddit and watching reaction videos on YouTube and nobody seems to be touching on Pruitt and Millie the way I wished they would. I know we didn't get much content regarding their story in the show - only the brief reconnection under tragic circumstances in the finale - and I do wish I knew more, had more detail, but I think the fact it was left so fleeting and vague made it all that more sombering in the end. In so little time, it was shown how deeply he adored her; always had, always would. Of course there are several brief moments throughout the entire series that indicate such, but we can't truly put all the pieces together until the end.

Mildred immediately recognizing him despite her limited coherency due to her advanced dementia. The way he tears up simply sitting beside her for her first in-home communion and gently adjusts her blanket.

The way he interacts with Sarah whenever he sees her - staring at her from a distance, which Sarah comments he has done her entire life and assumes it was with judgment and perception that she is a sinner, since she is a lesbian. But no, it was always the opposite. He gazed from a distance out love and a yearning to be by her side raising her - and at the Crock Pot Luck now, he gazes as he always had but this time with the desperate hope that he will get a second chance.

He tells Sarah he's proud of her when any opportunity arises. Proud of her for caring for the community - she isn't "just doing her job," she is simply a wonderful human being. Proud of her again, he says, when she douses the church in gasoline. His flesh and blood he has admired from her birth despite not being the one to care for her and watch her grow from the perspective of an active father - he is so proud of her. He was always so proud of her. No matter what she did, he was proud of her.

Millie begins to regress in age, and Sarah continuously tests her cognition - is her mother really "here" now? How aware is she, truly? And when she asks her what her father's name is, Mildred hesitates. She is clearly coherent at this time, she so quickly confirmed that her childhood chores were the dishes and her rebellious youth was for boys and booze, but when Sarah asks what her father's name was, she hesitates. Sarah has to press for the answer - although it is a brief hesitation, it is a hesitation nonetheless.

When Pruitt returns for her in-home communion and meets her upstairs this time, there is something to be said even just in his body language as he leans casually against the door threshold, smiles at her with such warmth, saying that Sarah informed him she was feeling better. Followed by the way Millie shakily says his name in disbelief and then the way they hold hands while he ecstatically exclaims he has so much to tell her. He sounds like a giddy child with so much fun news to share; I interpret his thoughts as something akin to "I've lived such a long life wishing you could have been by my side, but let me tell you all about it since you weren't."

The finale. My God, the finale. Their conversation as they sit alone in the church now burdened with blood. "It was you," he said. The only thing he ever wanted was her, but she never asked him to take off the collar. She never would have - she clarified this. Everything he ever did, this entire disaster, was all because of her. He wanted a second chance; he wanted a true miracle. A true miracle, to him, was the ability to be together with Mildred again and love their daughter together. His commentary that Mildred was never a sin, never a mistake. That Sarah was never a sin, never a mistake. That he would have done anything for his Millie; he would have gone anywhere in the world with her.

Sarah's death. Hamish's acting is just *chef's kiss* in every damn episode, mostly through how passionately he expresses himself. Constantly. Every episode. But the sheer horror on his face at the sudden sound of a gunshot from behind him and Sarah immediately being struck down, and his impulse is to chase Sturge down and tackle him and kill him. There was no thought process to this - this was an act of pure impulse stemming from turmoil. It was an act to protect his daughter - IMMEDIATELTY eradicate the threat to her (though she is obviously already mortally wounded). Mildred runs in, crying for her baby girl, and Pruitt desperately tries to force his blood into her mouth as a last ditch effort to "save" her, but even in death Sarah does not want this. This is not resurrection, this is a curse, and so she rejects it and dies. She dies while, for the first time in her life, seeing both her mother and father right over her. Together.

The way Pruitt carries his daughter out of the church in silence. Mildred stays behind briefly only to ignite the church, which Sarah had already flooded with gasoline. And then they walk together and sit on the bridge, which Millie had explained was Sarah's favorite spot as a little girl.

While Pruitt caresses the face of the daughter he so dearly wanted to openly love and cherish, he rips off his clerical collar. He tosses it away without care. Mildred never asked him to take it off and never would have, and on his own accord, he finally does. His daughter is dead, and the rest of them will all be dead soon, too. The prayers for his miracle went unanswered. He will not get his second chance.

And as the sun rises and the island burns, he asks not God for forgiveness, but Mildred.

I loved every aspect of this show. I have no complaints. I imagine I will rewatch this multiple times. It has been a while since I've been so emotionally impacted by a piece of media. I loved the dynamic between Riley and Erin, I loved Leeza forgiving Joe Collie, I sobbed during Riley's sacrifice and I loved Sarah's character long before suspecting the dynamic between her and Pruitt. I loved every symbol in the entire series.

But above all, I loved the love Pruitt had for Mildred.

Anyways pls do follow me if you're as obsessed as I am, I haven't been active on here in years but Tumblr has always been great for fangirling and this seems like a great time to write fanfiction again.

[hermitw]

Jjk theories / opinions / thoughts part 3 uwu (they are becoming more stupid and less coherent, let's go)

-Gege began the rumor about sukuna drinking his own milk. It is TOO MUCH OF SOMETHING GEGE WOULD SAY I cannot be convinced otherwise

-Gojo's twink death happened in the prison realm

-kenjaku was involved in founding the star religious group. He's already been making pacts with sorcerers for a thousand years, so putting him in the Nara era isn't a stretch. We already know he made several attempts to interrupt the star plasma vessels. (yes I blame him for every thing ever. His fault. And I think he'd rather watch things crumble than do the work directly bc then it's like a game, unexpected things happen and it's more interesting. Bro is always playing games even with curses smh)

-Hakari would have started a fight club to fund Kirara's transition. Idk if the higher ups would have had issues w trans students or just with Hakari's unconventional domain and methods (not hesitating to lose a foot bc he'll get it back, for example), but Gojo called them a lot of variations of conservative idiots so it seems likely I think. And they left the school before she even came out, bc Panda didn't know.

-kinda unfair that Yuta gets to transfer into Gojo with his best outfit on, he didn't have to dress like Edward Cullen for years to get there (pls don't get offended I swear to God it's a joke but also I do kinda feel this way lmaoooo)

-how the fuck do nanako and mimiko's technique work? They're twins right? I get the feeling like Mimiko can't use one on her own, but she likes to threaten people with her doll and Nanako can hang people with it. I rly wish we got to see them more (I want to believe they survived sukuna bc Geto would have prepared those girls to stay safe, maybe there's just a time lag or something pls)

IN THE AIRPORT SCENE there's even Toji but those girls are not there so that gives me hope I kajahxkakdn (I get that maybe it's Gojo's mindscape but how would he have known that Haibara showed up to Nanami? It's not just his imagination imo, those girls are alive, I need them to be.)

-I miss rainbow dragonnnnnnnn I'm so sad and still mad at toji (despite my theory that he lost himself bc the worm is banana fish I'm just bitter lmao)

-I'm so fucking sad that we didn't get to see Hanami's domain. So I made one up myself but I don't have a name for itnkajsxjskmax I just think Hanami needed a redemption arc like Choso got :(((

-the other dubs are so fkn good that when I'm tired of it I'll just play that shit in another language. The first minute of the series in French tho made me laugh so hard I had to change it. But the exchange event in German was so good

-remember when Megumi brought out Max Elephant against Noritoshi Kamo? It's like. He knew that the blood manipulation weakness was water. Maybe that's a benefit of growing up in one of the 3 major clans.

-I feel like no one ever talks about how Megumi lost Orochi AND one of the demon dogs that was with him since he was a kid when he also watched Sukuna rip out Yuuji's heart. Like we all talk about how he gets more upset over losing animals than people but all 3 of those events at once... I was rly sad at first bc I wanted to see the snake more too.

-Megumi's head bleeding in every fight for most of the anime is meant to represent that his weakness is in his head.

-when it's raining, that shows that the characters are up against something bigger than they are prepared for. (I made a whole list of every use of water and its symbolism but God I feel insane)

-the shibuya arc hurts less to watch after the first 5 times (I think? I'm on My 9th watch and I think 2 1/2 read. It's hard to keep track at this point)

-I want to see the extended mahoraga vs sukuna fight in theaters I'm so jealous oh god

-I cannot be convinced that a single character in this show is heterosexual. Everyone is gay except for hakari ig but he's an ally so

-I think that Miguel and Larue might be together but idk

-kinda weird that no one mentioned nanako or mimiko (like how no one mentioned todo and he was fiiiiiine I knew he was having fun in the culling game the whole time)

-despite how much I love hanami, my favorite animated Gojo scenes are when he is exorcising them. The English dub especially oh god

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Light on the Darkside - An Original Story.

Well, guys, here it is! I've been planning this premise for a while, but very recently the pieces of it all fell together, the main characters virtually materialised by themselves, and here we have it. I won't lie, it will be quite dark for the first couple of chapters, and if you are easily triggered by depression, suicide or anorexia, I'd give it a miss, but I have injected a lot of love and heart into it, and some comic moments as well. It does start to lighten considerably by the third chapter.

I had to AI my main characters in their appearance, unfortunately, since I can't really find anyone in reality to face claim them to.

So, here we go. Please remember to be kind and give me a reblog on this, as original fiction is so very overlooked on this site, any help promoting it would be greatly appreciated. I would love to hear your thoughts, too!

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed.

Words - 4,137

Warnings - 18+ throughout. Topics cover depression, suicide and eating disorders. Minors DNI!

The fateful swing of a pendulum; some say it is as precarious as this, the thing that bridges the gap between life and death. Swing too far and the darkness engulfs you forever, eternal sleep settling over a body, whether willingly or not. Not enough, and it swings you back into the light, again, whether willingly or not.  

For James Kingston, on the 21st of March, 1997, it wasn’t willingly.  

The wings of death had opened to him, shrouded him in the alluring caress of her inky, feathered shadows, enveloped and lifted his consciousness away from it all. His body should have followed.  

It hadn’t.  

“James Nathaniel Kingston, twenty-three years old, found almost asphyxiated on the bathroom floor by the 999 caller twenty minutes ago. Both forearms slashed and approximately thirty co-codamol and twenty ibuprofen tablets imbibed with half a bottle of tequila.” 

Light. Dark. Noise. So much noise. Pressure lifted from his arms, applied once again when the wounds began to gush. More shouting. A light shined into his eyeballs in turn. A tube down his throat.  

“Just let me fucking go.”  

It had been quiet, where he’d temporarily found himself. Quiet and devoid of everything, exactly what he wished for, a slither of peace finally filling the void of emptiness that had opened within him to such an extent, nothing could fill it comfortably. And god, how he’d attempted to.  

In the end, the burden of existence had weighed upon him with an immovable, unfathomable pressure, his resolve breaking, toppling, his foundations crumbling like an ancient tower under the brutal duress of a wrecking ball. Slipping into it, he’d taken the large knife, just about coherent enough to open both arms and watch the river of red flow, witness his life draining out in a gush of crimson that glittered sticky over his dark clothes. 

Vomit, a surge of it exiting his mouth into a receptacle held by a man in hospital clothing, telling him not to fight it. Charcoal. God, that was foul. He’d been so close, happily floating his way into the eternal embrace of death. How dare they interfere with it. 

“James, come on. Lie back, buddy. Let the tube go.” 

Heaving again, he yanked it from his throat, his fist connecting with the doctor’s face, vomit and blood splashing all over. Hands pushed against him, held him down.  

“I need all available staff in here to hold him still!”  

Oh, no. “Get the fuck off me!” His booted foot lashed out, connected with someone, something, a yelp sounding, his bloodied forearm hitting a nurse in her throat. “Get off me or I’ll fucking break your neck!” 

Multiple hands fought against his thrashing, the tube plunged back into his throat. More charcoal. More vomit. “Okay, his stomach is clear. Sedate him so we can actually stitch his arms up.” 

It took six members of the A&E staff to hold him still, until the effects of the drugs injected into his system sent him back into a world of pure, beautiful black, his body stilling. He was finally under control, his blood type attained, three units of AB negative lined into his arm, the nurse who he’d kicked in the chest beginning to stitch him up.  

She showed him all the care he likely wouldn’t have thanked her for, remarking to herself that what she was witnessing was no simple cry for help. This young man, he’d wanted death, sought it avidly, the cuts she stitched so deep, she was surprised he’d survived going on those alone. Twenty-three and he was so weary with whatever he carried mentally, he’d only seen this, something so horrific, as a viable exit plan.  

In the waiting room, two of his friends were seated, the young men revealing a little background on him when she’d gone out to give them the relieving news that he’d survived. They were members of the same band, a band who by all accounts was just beginning to take off, James the lead guitarist of the outfit named Nocturnal Descent.  

She’d tentatively asked if they had any clue why he’d done it. The taller of the two, with full sleeves of tattoos and two bleached streaks in the front of his long, dark hair had shaken his head. “He’s a bit moody sometimes, bad tempered an’ all. Unless he’s been drinking then he’s larger than life, but nah. Nothing that’s made me think he’s about to do himself in. He cuts himself sometimes, likes the pain, he’s into the whole blood letting thing and whatever, but nah. No idea.” 

Witnessing the older scars that flecked his arms, she could believe that. 

“He’s been quiet for a bit,” the other man had confirmed, while he’d sat picking at one of his long, ginger dreadlocks. “Wasn’t nothing that made us wonder if he was alright or not. Just gets like that sometimes. Especially when he’s tired. Jim likes his sleep.”  

How close he’d come to finding that eternally, the nurse thought, finishing up her stitching. She then cut him out of his vomit stained, blood drenched clothes, giving him a little wash down so at least he was fresh and comfortable when he did finally come around.  

“God, fella,” she marvelled, “I’d bloody kill for your hair.” Poker straight, jet black and only a few inches from reaching his waist. He likely did little to keep it so beautiful, too, such was the injustice there when men possessed lovely hair, or amazing legs, and it not be anything they particularly put an effort into.  

“Well, that’s you all sorted. I certainly hope you’re more pleasant than you were before when you wake up again.” With that, she left him there in the room he’d been moved to in the side ward, likely to remain until he was assessed by doctors. Bodily, he’d need some time to heal and recover from the physical trauma of attempting suicide, but it’d be what was going on up in his head that would be subject to the deeper assessment.  

It was an hour before he finally began to come around a little, able to hear voices outside of the room he was in. He groaned faintly, his thoughts all plummeting down into the very depths of the dark once more. 

“Fuck. Still alive. Steve’s a prick.”  

Steve, he guessed, had likely been the one who’d found him and called an ambulance. It wouldn’t have been Snedders, who’d already been too stoned to move more than three feet when James had decided to lock himself in the bathroom and end it all.  

No, once Liam ‘Snedders’ Snedderley hit the weed, his speed decreased to that of a tranquilised sloth. Amazing really, for a man who could drum with such velocity, a whirlwind of ginger dreadlocks swirling as he did. This? It was definitely Steve. His best mate, who at that particular moment he loathed.  

“Just wanted to die, but no. Selfish bastard couldn’t even let me have that. Top grade twat.” 

Whether there’d be a time to come where he’d lighten such hostility, he didn’t know, attempting to lift his arm and scratch his nose but finding he couldn’t. Opening his eyes, the lights of the room obnoxiously bright, he grumbled, looking down to see his bandaged arms both fastened into wrist restraints.  

“Usually got a bird on my cock when I’m bound up.” His thoughts were accompanied by a little smirk that quickly faded, tuning his ears to the voices coming from outside of his room. “Ahh, fuck. The duchess is here.” He’d recognise the shrill tones of his mother even through a lead lined box. 

And she was on form, as usual.  

“It's this whole scene he’s gotten himself into, that’s what’s brought it on! He started listening to this black metal nonsense when he was fourteen, had started a band by sixteen and now his entire life revolves around the darkness of it!” 

The doctor she was talking at rather than to cleared his throat, wanting to at least attempt a little diplomacy in how he handled the balance of fact, and remaining tactful with a woman whose son had just made a serious attempt on his own life. “Mrs. Kingston, it’s a little more complex than that when we are dealing with clinical depression, of which I am inclined to suspect your son is suffering from severely, should we take his actions into consideration.” 

Her ranting to the contrary continued. Truly, nobody knew it all like Carole Kingston, James lying there wishing he’d stabbed himself in the ears so he didn’t have to listen to her. His music was his solace, something he could pour the darkness within himself into, make the noise in his head and the bleakness in the epicentre of him a little more bearable to deal with. She’d never hear that reasoning, though. Never hear him.  

“Carole,” he heard his father speak tersely, not even needing to witness him to know that he was likely pinching the bridge of his nose after removing his glasses. It was an Alan Kingston go to when aggravated. “You know he’s gotten a lot better since he started the band. The doctor is right, though. I think it’s been going on longer than we wanted to admit.” 

Thank fuck his dad wasn’t working nights and he wouldn’t have to deal with his mother alone, with his head torn to pieces. That strong Liverpudlian lilt that most found either comedic or grating never failed to soothe him. 

“For how long, would you say, Mr. Kingston?” 

“Ahh, probably since he was about eleven or twelve, you know. We just thought it was teenage hormones, moodiness. They didn’t talk about it when we were kids, all this depression stuff, so we didn’t really know it was that we were dealing with. Well, I think I always had an inclining, but I just shoved it down, you know. He needs us to acknowledge it now, so we can get him well. Whatever that looks like going forward.”  

“I want him back home with us,” she spoke hotly, “where I can keep a flippin’ eye on him!” 

“Should’ve definitely gone for a fucking noose.” James thought darkly, actually snorting a small burst of laughter through his groggy state. 

“Carole, he’s twenty-three,” Alan began in reasoning, “he’s a grown adult. You can’t babysit him every last second of the day.”  

He smiled at that. At least his dad always fought his corner.  

“I’m afraid that likely won’t be an option for him currently. He needs to be further assessed once his sedation wears off, but I personally will be recommending that James is sectioned under the mental health act.” 

“Sectioned?” Carole spluttered, her mouth dropping wide. “You want to throw my son in some asylum? And what the bloody hell has he been sedated for?” 

“Woo, I get to go to the funny farm,” he thought, his thoughts raining sarcasm. “Better than wrath of the mother, though.” Sarcasm was the drug-addled response, his temper placated enough not to begin vying for escape at the thought of being committed against his will.  

Out in the corridor, his father feared for whoever was charged in actually moving him to the psychiatric facility he knew James would likely end up in, though. He might have been slight, but he was all lithe muscles and long limbs at six feet three. And god, he’d seen his son fight before when finally growing a backbone against his school bullies.  

Sedated might be the best way to keep him, as much as it pained him, knowing his precious boy only had confinement and a course of medication that would probably zombify him in his immediate future.  

“Mrs. Kingston, James was in quite a state while having his stomach pumped. He became extremely violent with a number of staff members attempting to treat him, so sedation was the only logical course.”  

Sedation and restraint, his wrists burning beneath the padded leather cuffs that tethered him to the bed. Well, he had kicked one nurse in the chest and threatened a second with breaking her neck, he could just about remember. He felt bad about that. While he might have been a brawler when presented with anything that threatened him, James had never, ever been the type to hurt a woman.  

Quite the opposite, he liked to think.  

Women and his treatment of them were the last of his worries at that moment, though, listening for a little longer to what the doctor had to say before succumbing to the need to doze. He felt tired down to his bones. When he did come around again, he saw his dad he sat sitting at his bedside, Alan smiling wearily at him. In all of this, he was the last person he’d wanted to hurt. Truly though, he’d thought of little else as his life had faded upon the bathroom floor. Only his elation to leave it behind.  

“It’s quiet. Where’s the duchess?” 

At least his sense of humour was intact. “Gone to get herself a cuppa,” he confirmed, shuffling his chair closer as he reached to rest a hand on his arm. “Scared the bloody life out of me, you did. How you feeling now, kidda?” 

“Sick, but not like I want to throw up or anything.” 

Alan nodded, his forehead creasing with a deep line of concern. “Not surprising, with the number of tablets they had to pump out of your stomach.” His eyes saddened, thumb pressing against his inner elbow. “Why’d you do it, lad? You know you can always come and talk to your old man here, if you’re not feeling right, eh? Always said that, haven’t I?”  

His mouth twitched, James trying to find a way to word it that wouldn’t hurt his dad more than he already was. Truly, there was little adequate recourse to the truth of the matter. “Just don’t wanna be alive no more, dad. It’s fucking meaningless, innit?” 

“Here now,” he soothed, his hand reaching to grip his shoulder. “Don’t you say that, me lad. Got the bloody world at your feet, eh? The band’s starting to take off, you’re out there doing what you want to do. It’s got all the meaning in the world, mate.”  

He sighed through his nose, his eyes falling down to momentarily gaze upon where he was restrained. “Nah. Don’t feel like that. Just feel fucking empty, dad.”  

“Well, that’s apparent. The doctor thinks he knows why, and I happen to agree with him. Getting it through to your mother, though, different story. As you might guess.” He paused for a second, drawing himself up a little taller in his seat. “They think you’ve got clinical depression, kidda. If I’m honest, I reckon you’ve had it a while, you know. I blame myself, for seeing it and not doing anything, watching you become withdrawn and all that.”  

James shrugged. “Ain’t your fault. Just the way I am, innit?” 

“It doesn’t have to be, mate,” Alan stated, James seeing it there in his face, the fear, the anguish he’d caused. And he was still here putting him through it. Yeah. Fuck Steve for calling that ambulance. Fuck himself, too, for being like this in the first place and putting people through all of the worry. “They can treat it with pills, try and mend whatever it is in your head that’s broken. It doesn’t have to be like this, eh?” 

“Wouldn’t be like this at all if people just let me die, like I want to.” He didn’t say that aloud, though, staying silent for a few moments, his eyes flitting over to the other side of the room.  

“You want me to leave you alone for a bit, son?” 

“Nah,” he sighed, turning back to his dad. “Can you undo these straps, though?” 

“Can’t, mate,” he lamented, “you pose what they’re calling a significant violence risk. Apparently, you went full Vinnie fucking Jones on the team who were trying to save your life. Little shite.”  

You little shite; it had been his dad’s go to since he was about three whenever he played up. His mouth twitched, something resembling a small smile curling the corner of his full lips. “Ain’t that little no more though.”  

“Yeah, the nurse with a boot shaped bruise coming up between her knockers knows all about that!” 

He puffed his cheeks, eyes widening a little. “Doubt I’m popular.”  

“I’m sure she’s had worse than that in her time, kidda.” 

“Yeah, but kicking her in the tits?” James exclaimed, snorting a little laugh. “That ain’t my style, dad. Not unless they like it a bit rough.”  

The little snap of teeth his son followed that statement with had Alan wheezing with quiet laughter. “Bad lad. I’ll never bloody forget you coming down the stairs with that girl Helena, and the poor lass is doing her best to cover the bloody bite marks all over her chest with her hair. And then your mother sees ‘em and gives you the death glare. ‘So, you’ve been up there shagging all afternoon, have you?’ she shouts, and I’m sitting there trying not to laugh at the smug look on your face.” 

God, Helena. That had been a while ago, the girl he’d been with for just over a year at sixteen. “Said she looked like someone had flung her in a piranha tank.”  

Alan’s wheezing amped up considerably at that, a small slither of relief settling in him to see his boy smiling a little. It was a momentary reprieve in a harrowing situation. God, if Steve hadn’t been there. Alan had hugged him tightly upon arriving in the waiting room, thanking him over and over for kicking the bathroom door down and acting quickly, clearing the vomit from his mouth, wrapping his arms in towels and calling an ambulance. He’d saved him. He’d always been a good lad, Steve.  

“Look at you now, though. Grinning like an idiot, being that smug little shite I love with all my bloody heart, mate. Can’t be that bad all the time, can it?” 

James didn’t blame his dad for seeking out a silver lining at all, although the truth wasn’t so simple. “Doesn’t matter, dad. I can be onstage with the band, out drinking, biting on tits while I’m shagging some girl ragged, laughing my arse off and all that, but underneath I’m still the same. Still got all this shit I can’t get rid of.”  

“I just don’t understand it,” he huffed, scratching his thick beard. No. And that was the problem. Nobody did. “We’re going to get you some help though. You just need to sit tight with it. You aren’t going to like this one bit, lad, but there’s talk of having you sectioned. I think the doctor wants to have you further assessed and they’ll go from there, but personally I think it’s the best place for you right now.”  

“Do I have any say in that?” 

His mouth straightened into a thin line, shaking his head. “No, son. Chasing thirty co-codamol and twenty ibuprofen tablets with half a bottle of San Jose and then opening up both your bloody arms takes that away from you. You need help, James. Help I don’t think you’d actively go and seek on your own.”  

The hidden undertones were clear, rippling in worry just below his father’s strong surface. If he was allowed to leave the hospital of his own volition, he’d simply go and finish himself off and actually accomplish it. It was true, too. James had already earmarked the motorway bridge over the M6, should he find his way out of the looming threat of being sectioned. He doubted he’d survive a truck smacking into him at seventy miles an hour.  

The door opened, revealing his mother, a steaming paper cup in her grasp. As soon as her eyes found his, she did what he least expected. She sobbed. He was expecting rage, a tirade, a full-blown stream of haranguing. For that moment, at least, it didn’t materialise, Carole striding around to the other side of the bed and placing her tea down, her throat pinched as she cried, reaching for him and stroking his hair as she kissed his forehead repeatedly.  

“You, and it, and you could have...” Only squeaks followed, Carole hugging his head as she broke down. “You nearly died, James! You nearly flippin’ well died, you silly bloody thing! Why did you do it, love? What happened?” 

He winced, feeling slightly smothered, the scent of her very strong perfume a little too much for his senses as she continued to hug him. “Like I just said to dad, it’s how I feel all the time. Just hollow, innit. Don’t wanna be here.”  

Straightening, her hands went to her hips, cocking her head. “That’s bloody absurd!” 

Oh, here she was.  

“Carole,” her husband warned, “go easy. He doesn’t need chewing out right now.” 

“I beg very much to differ!” Turning back to her eldest, she stared at him with wide eyes, James desiring nothing more than wishing he could unfasten himself and put some distance between them. “James, you need to snap out of this. Acting glum is one thing, but trying to kill yourself, without a second thought for your family?” 

“Carole,” Alan spoke again, looking exasperated. 

“It’s all this bloody black metal, isn’t it? Corpse paint and death! Bleakness and sorrow, you’re bringing it on yourself!”  

Alan was just about to speak, his son getting in first. “Mum, I love you to bits, I do. That isn’t anything to do with it. Stop looking for things to blame it on. I’m not happy and I could listen to all that pop music shit like Sam does and it wouldn’t make a fucking difference, I-” 

“Language!” she cut in with. 

“Oh, piss off!” 

“Don’t you bloody talk to me like that, my boy!” she raged through her tears, Alan standing up and moving quickly to her side of the bed. 

“Come on, this isn’t happening now. He ain’t in the state to hear you being irrational. Go wait outside for me. Drink your tea and have a ciggie, calm down a bit, eh.” Picking up the paper cup, he steered his wife in the direction of the door, shushing her when she made further attempts at protest. “I know you’re upset, petal, but this isn’t about you. Go on, now.” 

Shutting the door, he turned back to the bed, taking a very deep breath. “Better?” 

“Yeah. Thanks, dad,” he confirmed, the unpleasant feeling in his stomach that his mother’s tirade had left beginning to sink again. It wasn’t her fault really; she was just very highly strung. She only did it because she loved her children deeply, but he and his younger sister Sam did often feel either stifled or prickled by Carole’s particular brand of parenting. “Can you do something else for me?” 

“Of course I can, lad.” 

He beckoned with a little jerk of his head. “Can you scratch my nose, just above the piercing? It’s driving me more mental than I already am.” 

Alan beamed, wheezing a soft laugh. “Must be, kidda.” Reaching, he scratched at his nose, patting his cheek gently once done before he sat down again. “I remember when you did that. Ice, a whacking great bit darning needle, and blood all over the sink. Daft sod, eh.” 

A doctor came in to check on him not long afterwards, telling him that for the immediate moment, he was being restrained under the mental health act on a temporary hold, subject to further assessment come the morning. He wouldn’t be allowed out of his restraints, or transferred to a ward. He would stay where he was until a bed was found at a psychiatric facility, the doctor assuring him they’d attempt to find somewhere within the Warwickshire area.  

His dad only stayed a further ten minutes after that, James feeling woozy again after being administered a sleeping pill, the doctor feeling it best for him to stay medicated in order to rest after his ordeal.  

“I’ll come by tomorrow on me dinner break to see you. Love you all the world, lad.”  

Not being particularly affectionate, he didn’t expect to hear the same back, but the smile his son gave confirmed it. Poor kid, he truly couldn’t comprehend just how bent out of shape he was at that moment, but he could at least take some comfort in the fact that the problem he’d tried to pretend didn’t exist for so long was finally being treated.  

As for James, all he could do as he fell into a synthetically delivered sleep was despair that he was still there to be treated at all.