#I Wɪsʜ I Cᴏᴜʟᴅ Gᴏ Bᴀᴄᴋ - ( QUE. )

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——- BE CAUTIOUS of everyone, that was the number one thing Staci had to learn once he came outside. Maybe people had tried to get the better of him, and since then he has ADAPTED. So while out scavenging for something, ANYTHING useful to him, Staci was actively listening for approaching threats.      A twig snaps and the former deputy stands up, WHIRLING around to point his gun in the direction of where it came from. His entire body FREEZING. So much had changed and yet he would recognize her ANYWHERE. The tightness in his cheat keeping him from speaking up as his entire world felt like it was SLOWING DOWN.       ❝ . . .Joey ? ❞ (——- @cultfought )

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——- ❝ I-I’m fine. I don’t n. . .I don’t need help. . . ❞ Staci MUMBLED, holding his thumb over the cut and HOPING that it would stop bleeding soon. It was STUPID of him, grabbing the knife by the BALDES END. But when it was being shoved towards him by a Peggie who wanted to have a little fun, he didn’t have a whole lot of time to THINK.        He didn’t even KNOW where the bandages or first aid was in Joseph’s compound, and he was a little too scared to ask anyone, ❝ It’s fine - really, I think it’ll stop bleeding soon. ❞ He muttered, MOSTLY to himself but also to the woman who looked at least moderately concerned. ( ——- @earlygraave )

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——- ❝ It was stupid of you to come here. ❞ He mentions, eyes fixed on a face that even with so much time passed, was still FAMILIAR. He figured everyone he’d known from before the fall had long since DIED, but that was likely too good to be true.      Not that he wasn’t happy to see an old friend (if you could call them that), just that he hated letting them see him like this.          ❝ What do you want ? ❞ ( ——- @fearsworn )

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      ——- ❝ You. . .Look like you haven’t slept. Are you. . .Okay ? ❞ Maybe it’s RUDE of him to have said that, no, it DEFINITELY is. Staci does internally panic for a moment, stammering and TRYING to find his words. Finally choking it all down and setting down the coffee he had went all the way to the kitchen to steal retrieve, ❝ I thought you might uh. . .I just uh. . .Here. ❞ Why does it feel like his entire face is on FIRE right now? ( ——- @vacanteyed )

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GO    HERE. reblog    with    your    character’s    name    in    their    handwriting  !

tagged by   : i think @dcputyrook and @badwclv both tagged me tagging   : hnnnnn no

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“I’ll be here to hold your hand.”

——- SHE’S NOT REAL, Staci knew that. He’d been locked in this basement, or well, this bunker, for what felt like WEEKS. There’s no way she could come here, no way Jacob would allow it. He’d heard over radio calls, listened to the cultists TAUNTING, telling him that the Dep was on the MOVE. Closing in on Faith’s region, it was only a matter of TIME. Hell, maybe it’s better this way. It wasn’t like the two of them had a chance, not really. If it wasn’t her FAMILY tearing them apart, it would have been the Deputy and his friends.      Her voice sounded so SWEET, slow and pure. She may just be a hallucination now, but she still made him feel so CALM. He didn’t feel the pain anymore, or the hunger, or the fear that had been PLAGUING him. He just felt tired now, eyes heavy, like he was ready for a nap. Yes, she’ll be there to hold his hand when he wakes up, wherever that may me.     Maybe she really WAS an Angel all along.

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‘ y' gunna hit me ? be dangerous. ’

——- ARMS RASIED HIGH, ready to swing. He hand planned SO MUCH, he watched the schedule of the shipments, the feeding schedules, the time tables Jacob operated on. When he ate, when he surveyed, hunted, conditioned. Fuck, at this point Staci knew exactly what time he SHIT. The only thing that WASN’T consistent when when Jacob SLEPT. It was almost at random, NEVER at same time and NEVER for the same amount of time. He could either sleep for four hours or stay up for DAYS. Staci always at his side, falling asleep when he could SPARE to, but always ready to jump when he’s told. It was EXHAUSTING, but he had to do it. He had to make sure he was awake when Jacob wasn’t. It was his only CHANCE.

      He’s so much smaller than Jacob, so the only time to strike was when his guard was DOWN. He didn’t think he’d wake up THIS soon, and he sure as shit didn’t expect such a CALM response to the tHreat of being attacked.      He has to do, HE HAS TO DO IT.        Attack him, KILL him.           HE CAN’T, HE CAN’T.

     Staci began to shake, and all at once CRUMBLED in on himself. Falling to the floor on his KNEES, sobbing and clutching the steal beam he had stolen from the yard.       ❝ I’m sorry, I’m sorry - ❞ He continuously said as he SOBBED. What was he THINKING, he can’t kill him. Jacob is ALL HE HAS LEFT, Jacob was his ONLY protection. How could he FORGET so easily?        ❝ I - I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry - ❞

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❝ Most of us were not violent by nature. ❞

——- ❝ NON-VIOLENT people are still capable of VIOLENT things. ❞       And Staci has seen so much VIOLENCE around here. Jacob says the violence is something gets numbs to, but also, it’s something that MOULDS you. Builds you into something BETTER, something STRONGER.       But he knew they weren’t ALL like him, he knew that. He’d known a lot of people, GOOD people, who had done the same shit Jacob had done and never turned out like him. He had to REMEMBER that.       ❝ …I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I shouldn’t have said that. ❞

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‘ please stay. ’

——- HE CAN’T, he shouldn’t. He KNOWS he shouldn’t. Staci isn’t the man he use to be, he isn’t the STACI she remembers. He was broken and bruised, he was JACOB’S PET, and that’s all he’ll ever be. Conditioned and beaten, he was a CHANGED man. Joey said she understood but really, HOW COULD SHE? It would only hurt the BOTH of them if he did, and he couldn’t handle that.       ❝ I…I don’t think that’s a good idea… ❞ He replied meekly, so much QUITER than he had ever spoken around her. He use to be BOASTFUL, full of LIFE. Loud and cocky, a man who made Joey LAUGH. Now? Now he was nothing, barely even HUMAN. She didn’t deserve this, no one did.     ❝ I’m sorry Jo… ❞

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They know about us.

——- THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING. It can’t be. Staci tried HARD not to let his affection for the other show, if only because he KNEW what would happen if any of them found out. Not just to him, but to Rick. They had something to use AGAINST him, they can use his attachment to Staci AGAINST HIM. More than they already have. It’s one thing if they’re just coworkers, just FRIENDS. But more than that? It made things all the more COMPLICATED.       ❝ How… ❞ He mumbled, hands gripping harder against the bars, knuckles WHITENING as he began to shake. How he wished it was HE inside that cage, so only he could be the one punished for this. Spare the other the TORTURE, let him get away, ❝ I tried to be careful, I swear I did. I didn’t tell him or anyone anything I…This is bad… ❞

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We can fix this. (Jolene)

——- THERE IS NO ‘FIXING’. There’s no fixing because Staci is not BROKEN, he is fine, better than fine. Because he has now finally seen THE LIGHT. Jacob had shown Staci how wrong he had always been, shown him that he was living a life that was going NOWHERE. Too concerned with his looks, his THINGS, his reputation. All stuff that was clouding him from seeing what was REALLY going on. The world was coming to and end, people were no longer capable of SURVIVING, no longer self sufficient.     Staci was DONE being one of the weak ones, DONE being a fucking pawn to a society that was on the brink of collapse. He was baffled how they could all be so BLIND to that was really going on.      ❝ You have to let me go back, I know you think what you’re doing is right. But it’s not, and I’m not going to just let you damn me like you are all the others. So let me go. ❞

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——- STACI scooted over, shifting to lay his head in Alder’s lap. The other DEPUTY had been so busy as of late, a lot of PREP going into the ORDER of Joseph Seed’s arrest. It would be a big WIN for them if they’d be able to put a stop to him, even if his asshole younger brother was the GREATEST lawyer Hope County has ever seen. Fuck could probably get SATAN himself off with only a slap on the wrist.       He reached up, plucking the file from Alder’s hands,            ❝ Aye. Pay attention to me, this is one of our last nights together and you’re still worrying about work ? Bad enough Joey ditched tonight to stay late. . . ❞ He was POUTING, but it was more playful than anything else.            [ ——- @dcputyrook​ | sc ]

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hey, i just wanna say that i'm so proud of you and that i adore you. every day that you’re still breathing is a major accomplishment and i’m so glad to know that you’re still here. keep on keepin’ on and never forget how much you are cherished in this world !!

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“ i miss the old you. ” ( i hate u bee )

——- WORDS STING like a sharp knife, and Staci doesn’t know how to respond. ANGER BOILS at the surface, but Staci REFUSES to lash out. He would not let that side of him WIN. Emotions were for those who were WEAK, but anger helps no one. Not here at least.     ❝ This is who I am now, so I don’t know what to tell you. ❞ He replies coldly, EYE CONTACT was not something he was capable of anymore, not with her. Not when she looked at him with such PITY and HURT.       It was silent for a long time, neither of them speaking, neither ATTEMPTING to leave however.       ❝ I don’t. . .remember who the old me is anymore. ❞ He says quietly, surprising even HIMSELF with what he says, ❝ I don’t think I ever will. ❞

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——- HE jerked away from caring hands, eyes wide.   DON’T LET HIM TOUCH YOU.

❝ I’m fine. ❞ He grunted, still curled up within himself trying to keep this man away from him. Like a dog licking it’s wounds, he can take care of it himself. He’d stitched himself up under Jacob’s care before, he could do it now that he was out too.

      NO ONE GIVES YOUR KINDNESS FOR FREE.              ( ——- @ablehearted | sc )

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——- ‘ I love you ‘

      Staci’s heart STOPPED for a moment, and the world around him seemed to freeze. LOVE, for him? No, that can’t be right, it SHOULDN’T be. He was not deserving of such a thing, not ANYMORE. He was weak and broken, INCAPABLE of being loved by anything or anyone.       Tears began to fill his eyes, he UNAWARE of them until they had already begun to spill over. He wiped at them, DESPERATE to hide his fragile heart.        ❝ Do you. . .Do you really mean that. . . ? ❞               [ ——- @blesscdbliss​ | sc ]