#I VERY would not want to be put in the same group (as a Tagalog) with the Ilongo or Ilocano or whatnot

[orvdiscrepancies]

Discrepancy #19

Han Myungoh seems more confident when we meet him in the webtoon.

When we meet Myungoh in the novel, he is the first to speak up against Bihyung after that no-name actor. Notably he's stuttering.

[ORV Novel, Chapter 3]

In the webtoon, he's introduced the same way, but he's not stuttering.

[ORV Webtoon, Episode 2]

He still looks like he's going to piss his pants, but he's not stuttering.

Now, let's talk about language barriers before someone says that this is an insignificant discrepancy and shouldn't be pointed out.

warning: stupid american does very basic research on languages because I'm doing this in between classes and don't have time for anything more in depth

I speak English and a bit of Tagalog. Both of those languages use a letter based alphabet (a, b, c, etc.). Korean uses Hangul.

The English alphabet (and languages that use the same/similar letters) were derived from the Anglo-Saxon futhorc runes that were influenced by the Latin alphabet. What you're reading right now is that alphabet. Obviously.

Hangul is a writing system that was developed by the fourth king of the Chosŏn (Yi) dynasty in the 1440s. It was originally called Hunminjŏngŭm which google tells me roughly translates to "proper sounds to instruct people" which is such a baller move honestly. Imagine creating an alphabet and then naming it the proper one.

The way that people use these languages in the modern day are different. I can only pull information from my own personal experience but I'm pretty sure one of you is from South Korea and/or knows Korean. I'm pretty sure. I think so.

Anyways. In English, or any language using this similar alphabet, words can be used to portray different tones according to how they're written. Especially when someone is speaking.

If I am speaking and I wanted to show that I am nervous, I would add st-stutters to my words and maybe uhm- some uh- some pauses and maybe r-repetition er uh- just a lot of u-uncertainty and lack of c-confidence in my words.

Ugh that was cringy

I don't know how this is portrayed in Hangul. Obviously if someone is unsure while they are speaking, they would probably stutter or pause, but I don't know how that is portrayed when written down. I don't know how the word structures work. Logically, I suppose you could just repeat the same character twice like 사- 사과 but I don't know if that's actually something that people do.

Again, I don't consume Korean media a lot. The works that I have consumed have been translated to English because stupid american doesn't know Korean.

But back to ORV, as an English reader, Myungoh seems a more scared/uncertain in the novel than the webtoon. I guess they did show his nervousness in how they drew Myungoh, but it's just something to point out. I think it would have solidified his fear if he had also stuttered.

From what I know of Myungoh, I actually like that he's not stuttering in the webtoon when he's introduced. From what I remember, Myungoh tends to be arrogant and pretend that he has a lot more power and strength than he actually has. I know that in the recent webtoon episodes, he's mellowed out a bit because of his time away from Dokja and his group, but in the early chapters, bro kinda sucks. So I think that his lack of stuttering works better to show his arrogance and mask of confidence that he typically wears to put himself above people.

I don't know if anyone else is getting that, but I am and it matters to me.

Additionally, in the novel, he offers as much money as he has. In the webtoon, he’s offering as much as Bihyung wants.

In the novel, he’s telling the truth. He’s not bluffing about how much he has.

Whereas in the webtoon, bro is lying his ass off. I just think it’s interesting how different he’s portrayed just through these few lines.

[thewhizzyhead]

a non-filipino's guide to trese: ep 1

So some of my mutuals decided to check out Trese aka the Netflix adaptation of the Filipino horror comic book series that I keep rambling about here and then since well um most of my mutuals aren’t from the Philippines fshfs I decided to make a long-ass post that basically consists of me rambling about the cultural context present in Trese with fun little tidbits about Filipino folklore. I’m not an expert on Filipino mythology so um I just typed out the stuff that I know and the stuff that I looked up on Wikipedia so um take this with a grain of salt aaaaa I’ll save the extensive google scholar research ramble on folklore present in Trese for another day.

I’ll try to find the sites where I got some of the information from cause um yea I kinda had a bit of a hard time finding the other shit so um once again, take the stuff here with a grain of salt. Also, feel free to add more info if you guys got any!

SO ANYWAYS ENJOY ME RAMBLING ABOUT EPISODE 1 OF TRESE WOO

+ MRT and LRT (Manila Metro Rail Transit and Light Rail Transit) are train systems in NCR (the capital region) and yea them suddenly stopping and malfunctioning in the middle of the goddamn rail is a daily occurrence and we have been trying to deal with this bullshit for years but alas, corruption and negligence are sweet sweet drugs.

+ When the MRT broke down, you'd see a red bee in the flashing billboard right? Well that's Jollibee and that's probably the most well-known fast food restaurant chain here heck there are even branches of it abroad!

+ According to many youtube comments along with other social media posts that I am way too tired to link here, the opening theme is an Ifugao ethnic song called Balluha'd Bayyauhen but with modern accompaniments and I think the song is about a fruit called a balluha that the character in the song tries to it but cannot swallow. (someone please correct me if I’m wrong here fjkfs)

+ The first um monster that we see Alexandra interact with is the White Lady of Balete Drive. White Ladies or “Kaperosa” are a type of female ghosts typically dressed in ghostly white dresses or similar garments. According to legend, she died in a car accident while driving along Balete Drive (a two lane street formerly lined with Balete Trees which are said to be a home for spirits and mysterious creatures) in Quezon City while other accounts say she died waiting for the arrival of her lover; others also say that she was a teenage girl who was run over and killed by a taxi driver at night and then buried around a Balete tree while another variation of the tale claims that a student from the University of the Philippines was sexually assaulted and killed by a taxi driver nearby and so said ghost haunts the street in search of her murderer. There are many other variations but according to local rumor, the legend was fabricated by a reporter in 1953 in order to make an interesting story. What remains consistent in many variations is that apparently taxi drivers would be stopped by a beautiful lady asking for a ride and if one would look at the rear window, they would see that the white lady in question is bruised and drenched in blood.

+ There are a lot of mentions about "lakans" and stuff in reference to Alex and her father right? In precolonial times, the term is used to refer to the paramount ruler or the highest-ranking political authorities in Tagalog communities (so um NCR and some parts of Region 4). In Muslim communities, they are called sultans while communities with strong trade connecitons with Indonesia or Malaysia called them Rajah. Datu is umm the more generalized term though when it comes to discussing the leaders of the precolonial Filipinos.

+ So, Alex’s mom is a babaylan and back in the pre-colonial period, each barangay (which a native filipino term for a village or a district; said term is still used today to describe um divisions in municipalities like) had them and these are basically Philippine shamans and they specialized in communicating with the spirits of the dead. To my knowledge, the role of babaylan went to women and yea people assigned male at birth but then identified as female were also allowed to become babaylans and they would be treated with the same respect given to any woman back then (honestly I dunno much about lgbtq+ stuff back in the precolonial times but all I know is that precolonial Filipinos were much a lot more welcoming towards trans identities bUT THEN THE SPANIARDS CAME AND UM ERR RUINED THAT); also the writing Alexandra's mom did in that one scene with the dagger is in Baybayin - preHispanic Filipino script. I dunno what she wrote down though. .

+ Also I kinda find it funny that the people here esp those who were at the White Lady scene are um,,, not at all surprised? Like yea quite a number of filipinos have their own superstitions and beliefs and all that but um yea the people in Trese seem very used to the bullshit,,,which in retrospect, isn't at all inaccurate fsdfd I MEAN WE DEAL WITH UNSURMOUNTABLE AMOUNTS OF BS ON A DAILY BASIS SO I DON’T THINK DEAD GHOSTS WOULD EVEN FAZE MANY FSKJDS

+ The one that appears right before Alexandra talks with the duwende (the one in the manhole) is called Laman Lupa (which i guess translates to um "What is in the earth"? just um YEA THEY ARE DIRT CREATURES). normally this is an umbrella term for duwendes and nunos but in Trese they are servants of these aforementioned creatures.

+ Duwende (which came from the Spanish phrase "dueno de case" which means "owner of the house") or dwarves in Filipino folklore are known to be mischievous and magical environmental guardians. They are believed to reside in trees or under earth mounds (those that live in the latter are called nuno sa pundo or old man of the mount) which is why quite a lot of Filipinos say "tabi tabi po" or “excuse me” when wandering around a forest or earth mounds as a sign of respect and in the hopes the duwende won't torment them. If the person is friendly, the duwende can also be friendly in return and will bring that person good lucl; otherwise, those who destroy their homes by stepping on them will face their wrath in form of heartless curse and predictions of ominous and disastrous fates. A duwende's color also depends on their budhi or conscience: to my knowledge, white duwendes are kind, red ones give protection amulets, green ones are firnedly with children and the black ones give nothing but trouble.

+ Chocnut aka the snack Alex bribes the nuno with is a very yummy chocolate snack made of coconut milk, crushed peanuts and cocoa powder. They are umm about an inch in length and maybe half an inch in width so it's fairly small; that being said I WANT THE CHOCNUT THAT ALEXANDRA HAS CAUSE HOT DAMN THAT'S A BIG CHOCNUT

+ In Trese, the creatures in the MRT scene and in the warehouse Alexandra visits after she talks with the duwende are called "aswang". In Philippine folklore, it is an umbrella term for any kind of monster so um an aswang in Luzon would be very different from the aswang in Mindanao. According to what I saw on wikipedia, they can be classified in 5 categories: the vampire (self-explanatory um they drink blood), the viscera sucker (the manananggal, i'll get to that next time), the weredog (cats and pigs are also possible but um yea they target pregnant women), the witch (self-explanatory boom curses and stuff) and the ghoul (they gather near trees in cemeteries to feast on human corpses). Aswangs are often described to have a long, hollow tongue, sharp claws and sharp teeth, although they do also have human forms.

+ To my knowledge, Ibwa, the leader of the aswangs in the warehouse, is a creature from Tinguian or Itneg mythology (they, like the Ifugao, are an indigenous ethnic group in northwestern Luzon) though I could be wrong about this dksfsf Ibwa seems like an ethnic filipino term tho wah I can't remember where I once read that. But anyways, Ibwa often stalk sthe house of a dying person to steal its body. In order for the ibwa to NOT succeed in that, some people burn holes in the garments of the dead and put a sharp iron object on top of the grave since those are most powerful weapons against aswangs which is what Alexandra uses to subdue the Ibwa and kill all the other aswangs (the knife alex uses is named Sinag which means "ray of light".)

+ ALSO I AM SO SO GLAD THEY KEPT THE FILIPINO SWEARS IN THE ENGLISH DUB YES YES THIS IS A VERY GOOD JOB so lemme discuss the versatility of tangina-

+ Also umm Bossing is a nickname of Vic Sotto - one of the three pioneer hosts of Eat Bulaga! which is the longest running Philippine noontime variety show. Over time, most probably due to the show's popularity, the term "bossing" then became um slang for "boss" or "chief"

+ Translation of what Alex says when she's stirring the eye inside the cup: “In the eyes of others, secrets will reveal themselves.”

+ Sidenote: The English dub's pronunciation of many of the tagalog lines are um yea they r pretty good but they could use a bit of work but then again I'm really not that good in speaking in Tagalog so who am I to judge gkdkf sorry po guys conyo po ako-

+ Maria Makiling is arguably the most famous of all the diwatas (ancestral spirits, nature spirits, or deities) in Philippine Mythology; she is associated with Mount Makiling in Laguna as the guardian spirit of the mountain. Mount Makiling is said to resemble a profile of a woman and people associate the profile with Maria herself. She is also known as a goddess by the name of Dayang Masalanta and people would pray to her for safety and to stop storms and earthquakes. That's the goddess Alexandra's mother mentions right when she tells Alex to hide. (Translation to what she said there: Maria Makiling, goddess of the mountain, bless us.)

+ ALSO YEA THAT MAYOR IN THE MRT STATION IS UMMM RATHER REMINISCENT OF MAAAANY POLITICIANS AND PUBLIC SERVANTS HERE LIKE BELIEVE ME I CAN THINK OF SO MANY NAMES RN. THEY WOULD FLAUNT THEIR MACHISMO AND PROMISE THAT THEY THEMSELVES SHALL PUNISH THE PERPETRATORS HARSHLY BUT IN THE END THEY DONT MEAN SHIT AND ARE IN OFFICE TO SERVE ONLY THEMSELVES AND TO SHIT ON THE REST ESP THOSE OF THE POORER SECTORS AND *NOTHING IS DONE ABOUT IT*. WE LIVE IN HELL OKAY. also hmm how the police are represented here is umm,,,interesting,,, like i know there are sOME good police officers like the ones alexandra assists but like,,,our current sociopolitical climate + the many cases showcasing the corruption in the police force + tHE SHEER AMOUNT OF POLICE BRUTALITY HERE would ummm beg to differ. but um anyways-

+ Also Mang Inasal posters can be seen in the MRT station backdrops and um it’s a very famous restaurant chain here and they serve lots of barbecue and other filipino stuffs and i miss them a lot God their halo halo is very yummy

+ Santelmo - oki so this is the fire face thingy that Alexandra summons inside the ruined train. This is the shortened version of the term "Apoy ni Santa Elmo" or "St. Elmo's Fire" - this is a weather phenomenon wherein plasma is created from an electrical discharge from a rod like object in an atmospheric electric field. This phenomenon was used to warn of imminent lightning strikes or storms (there is a chapter in Noli Me Tangere where Pilosopo Tasyo talks about that bUT I'LL SAVE THE NOLI ME TANGERE RAMBLES FOR ANOTHER DAY). But according to Philippine folklore, santelmos - which are said to be souls of people lost as sea - are balls of fire that appear where accidents or big arguments happen. In Trese, santelmos (alex's santelmo being "The Great Spirit of the Binondo Fire") can be called to assist in supernatural investigations

+ Translation of what Alex says when she draws the circles to meet with the purple ghosts: "Souls, where are you off to? I'll be entering too, so please open the door."

+ Remember the scene at the train with all the purple ghosts and the woman in a veil? Yea the woman is an emissary of a goddess named Ibu and she is the Manobo (again, another indigenous ethnic group but this time they're from Mindanao; fun fact we have around 134 ethnic groups) goddess of deceased mortals and the queen of the underworld; she also serves as a psychopomp and guides the newly deceased souls to the other side (having an MRT be the ride to the underworld isn’t in the legends tho so fkkjsf)

+ The aswang in the top hat is called Xa Mul and according to the Isneg/Apayao people (yay another ethnic group but this time in northern Luzon - the Cordillera regions to be specific), they are an evil spirit known to swallow people whole.

+ Alex has two henchmen right? Yea they are named Crispin and Basillio and No I still don’t know who’s who and I'm really sorry about that fsfjs so anyways the names Crispin and Basillio are actually those of two brothers featured in the Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo novels (Crispin is younger and Basilio is older) which are basically the national novels here cause um yea written by national hero Jose Rizal as sociopolitical commentary about the Spanish regime here. I don't know if I want to spoil this cause I kinda want other people to read the novel too fskfs BUT ALL IN ALL, ONE OF THEM DIES IN LIKE THE 10TH OR 11TH CHAPTER OF NOLI ME TANGERE (and the novel has 64 chapters btw) AND UM YEA-

+ OKI SO TO ADD MORE CONTEXT TO THE SQUATTER STUFFS MENTIONED IN TRESE (we r gonna use the tiny font here because holy shit this rant is long): So,in the Philippines, especially in the capital region, there are lots of slum areas called squatters. These are dense urban settlements made of compact makeshift housing units that aren't really officially recognized by the government. This is um very reflective of the poverty situation here and there are maaany factors that come into play here and if i were to go into depth about this topic, that rant would probably turn into an academic paper so for the sake of brevity, let's just say that Things Are Fucked Up Here. Oftentimes the poorer sectors are being ignored and left to their own devices despite tons of campaign promises to make things better and easier for them. The communities that live here are incredibly vulnerable to floods, fires, and the like and afaik no concrete solutions have been in effect to protect these people and their settlements. There have also been many times where squatter areas are dismantled or demolished despite protests of people living in those areas and yea I understand the need to make space and the need for renovation but the people should still be offered some sort of temporary settlement or financial compensation thingy that doESN'T fuck them over but alas, we have an anti-poor government. That being said, I really like Trese Ep 1's portrayal of governmental negligence, but I also have some thoughts, especially in regards to the mayor being arrested THAT FAST which um believe me, NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS BECAUSE MANY MAYORS AND A LOT OF POLITICIANS HAVE THE POLICE IN THEIR POCKETS SO UM ERR YEA JUSTICE IS RARELY A THING HERE BUT UM ANYWAYS YEA THE GOVERNMENT LIKES TO SHIT ON THE POOR WOO LET'S SAVE THE USE OF SOCIOLOGICAL LENS ON THIS MATTER FOR ANOTHER DAY

+ The news channel reporting the arrest of the mayor is ABC-ZNN WHICH IS AN OBVIOUS REFERENCE TO ABSCBN aka the top media conglomerate here (that has been fucked over by the government so many times to the point that they had to shut down operations last year which is all sorts of unfair so seeing them being referenced here kinda made me happy gksfks)

[cutesilyo]

no place in the world (like manila) — an amephil fanfic

A few months after the outbreak of the Philippine-American War, Alfred falls in love with and is betrayed by a bright-eyed teenager with the prettiest smile on this side of the Orient in a single night. 

This is not a love story.

Also available on AO3.

—

"Sir, I don't think it's safe for you to leave the camp," Major-General MacArthur warned. "I don't know how, but the revolutionaries know your face. They could attack you!"

"Pshaw," Alfred snorted. "I'm a nation. What could they do that could take me down, huh?"

MacArthur's mustache bristled in displeasure. "Be that as it may sir, might I remind you that you only arrived in Manila a week ago? Knowing you, you'd just get lost and I'd have to put together a whole squad of troops just to hunt you down. You could get captured, Alfred. I don't know how to tell you just how badly that would bring down morale."

Alfred just wagged his fingers, a bright grin on his face. "Look, if I get captured, I'd bust out of whatever crappy holding place they'd put me in without barely breaking a sweat! And knowing our soldiers, that's just the stuff that would make a great story to tell at dinnertime. How's that for morale?"

The way that MacArthur simply stared at him blankly told Alfred that this was not a convincing argument.

"I hate it when you do that," he groaned, slumping back on his seat. The leather was hot with the heat of the tropical sun and it stuck uncomfortably to his skin. Oh, how badly he wanted to just finally get up and leave. "I'm just saying, I can't stay inside here forever just waiting for you to dictate our next move."

"It's part of our strategy—"

"And it's boring. I'm bored, Major-General. I might as well look around." Alfred's eyes glinted dangerously. "Besides, you'll capture the whole nation for me soon enough, won't you? No harm in wanting to see what we're winning once this war is over."

The silence lasted for a few seconds before the major-general sighed in defeat.

—

Private Patton R. Wilkes was assigned to “accompany” Alfred while he roamed around Manila, but he knew that MacArthur just wanted someone to make sure he would actually return to camp instead of getting lost or, God forbid, taking the next ship back to America. Though the both of them were dressed in civilian clothing, the private carried himself with a strict stiffness that just screamed hardened military man. If Alfred wanted any chance of escape, it looked like the private would be hard to shake off.

Alfred tried to stay optimistic about the trip anyway. He hadn't paid much attention to the city while he was on the way to the American camp, but he certainly expected it to have an air of exoticness. He was a bit disappointed not to see anything like the palaces of Japan or the distinctly oriental architecture of China. Instead, he found street signs written in Spanish, the excited chatter of fast-talking brown-skinned people, and the cacophony of guitars, church bells, and the sound of horse-drawn carriages trotting along the stoned roads. Walking around Manila was like looking at a funhouse mirror version of Mexico: more or less the same, but with just enough differences to make his head spin.

"Uh, you alright there, sir?" Patton asked.

"Was just thinking about a bad memory, is all," Alfred grimaced. He's sure that Alejandro would have his head once he returned to the continent. He's been pissing off a lot of Spanish-speaking nations recently, that's for sure. "Come to think of it, the Philippine Islands must have its own personification too, right?"

The private's face darkened. "He's a force to reckon with, sire. Haven't seen no hide nor hair of him myself, but some guys in the other squadron barely survived after fighting with the kid."

"A kid?" Alfred furrowed his eyebrows. He didn't know there were still nations out there who were that young. Then again, he was only a teenager himself, and he was even younger when he fought against Arthur as well. "I don't know how I feel about fighting a kid. Couldn't I just give him a lollipop or something and this could all just work itself out?"

He meant it as a joke, but Patton seemed to take it seriously and started furiously shaking his head. "Don't think you could even try negotiating with him sir, the kid's a savage. Hacked and slashed his way through the guys with some kind of golden knife, they said. We're lucky our medics are so darned fast, otherwise, we would've been down almost a dozen men from him alone."

Something in Alfred's resolve hardened at the thought of losing his soldiers to someone so brutal. He clapped the other man on the shoulder and said, "Don't you worry, Pat. We'll end this soon, and when we win, we'll make sure that nobody from these islands ever lays a hand on any of our own."

That seemed to comfort Patton somewhat, though he was still shaking with anger. "I'll give them a good walloping right by your side, sire."

"Now that's the kind of patriotic determination I wanna see!" Alfred crowed. He then immediately scrambled for his wallet and hurriedly gave the private a wad of bills. Some onlookers openly gawked at seeing the number of dollar bills in his hand. "Tell you what, why don't you buy some booze, head back to camp, and inspire your fellow soldiers, eh? God knows we need some fun around here."

"Um," Patton blinked, caught off-guard. "I don't know if Major-General MacArthur—"

"Tell Major-General MacArthur that I'm just trying to boost morale," Alfred winked. "Also, tell him I'll back by next morning!"

He didn't get to hear Patton's response as he took off running wildly in the opposite direction. He barely registered running past the stores, wet market, and the cathedral; he just wanted to be alone and independent, exploring this new land to his heart's content. The buildings were shorter and the roads were narrower here than in his own country, but Alfred was just so glad to finally be in a place filled with people just like he was used to.

Alfred collapsed on his knees, winded. When he looked up, he was surprised to see that he had apparently made it to one of Manila's many ports. Past the numerous small fishing boats and trading boats, he could see that the sun was already beginning to set. The sky was painted in a pretty combination of pinks and oranges in contrast to the ocean's blue, the stars already starting to twinkle faintly into appearance one by one. The rhythmic lapping of the waves against the rocks seemed louder than everything else around him — a stark reminder that no matter where he went, there was always something bigger to discover.

He stood there for a moment, mesmerized when a loud grunt startled him out of his stupor.

He turned to find some kind of bull staring at him with its beady eyes, its long horns curving towards the back instead of to the front. It was pulling a wagon full of leafy vegetables that Alfred couldn't recognize, and the old man riding it looked startled to come across a foreigner.

"Hijo, padaan naman po," he said, with a strained smile.

"Oh, sorry, I don't know what you mean," Alfred tried, but the man just continued smiling at him. He was starting to think that maybe abandoning Patton, who wasn't fluent but at the very least conversational in Tagalog, was a bad idea.

Luckily, someone came to his rescue. A teenager with bright eyes approached him, an amused twitch of the lips on his sharp face. He was dressed simply: unlike the suit and tie ensemble of the richer Filipinos he'd come across or the pale blue uniform of the Philippine Army, he wore a thin white top and trousers cut just above his ankles. The scabbard on his hip would have been concerning if Alfred didn't know just how many Filipinos carried knives in their daily lives. All in all, he looked just like any other street vendor, but the red handkerchief tied around his neck was vibrant enough to make him stand out. "You are American, yes?"

"Ah yeah," Alfred flushed, a bit flustered. The way the stranger leaned in was a little too close for comfort, but he looked harmless and at least he spoke English. "Can you help me? I think that man is talking to me, but I can't understand what he's saying."

The teenager grabbed his arm to pull him to the side. The old man tipped his straw hat in thanks, and the teenager smiled, saying: "Pasensya na po, lolo! Hindi kasi taga-rito."

The two of them watched the wagon pass them by. They stood there in silence for a moment, and then Alfred blurted out, "I didn't know I was in the way, I swear."

"You did seem quite distracted." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the other boy laugh. The both of them turned to each other at the same time, a small smile on each other's faces. "Not that I blame you. I am sure you have sunsets in America, but it is different here than in other countries. I think the colors are more vibrant, do you agree?"

"Certainly takes my breath away," he admitted. "I do have to ask, how come you speak English so well? I've only been in Manila for a few days but I don't think I've met another Filipino that's as good as you are."

The teenager only laughed again and held on to Alfred's arm tighter. As he looked up at him, his eyes and grin were equally bright with mirth; and despite himself, Alfred was a bit charmed. "Us Filipinos are not as stupid as you think, señorito. Now, you say you are a stranger to Manila, yes? Come with me, and let me show you around my city."

—

They ended up hailing a tranvia, a carriage made to carry a whole group of people instead of just a pair. Alfred found it small and quaint, making an internal note to build tram lines in the city once he was able. Yet the energy that the teenager had with him was larger than life. He had apparently noticed the other passengers giving Alfred a suspicious side-eye, and immediately launched into a round of jokes to dispel the tension. Though he barely understood the jokes due to them being told in a mix of Spanish and Tagalog, the way that the whole tranvia burst into loud laughter was enough to assure him that his companion was quite the comedic performer.

When they got off, the driver even thanked them for the entertainment and told them not to pay the fare anymore. Alfred let out an excited whoo! as the teenager did an exaggerated bow.

As the carriage rode off, Alfred turned to his new friend and exclaimed, "Wow! The way you handled that was amazing! I mean, I've been through worse than an awkward train ride, but you definitely saved my ass back there."

The teenager blushed slightly. "Think nothing of it. I would rather see my companions happy and comfortable in my care than anything else."

"Still, that thing you did was certainly a swell sight." Alfred breathed in the cold evening air and let it out with a contented sigh. He looked straight into the other boy's eyes as he said, "And it's really nice that you're going through all the trouble to be with me tonight too! Like, we don't even know each other's names but you just whisked me away like some kind of fairytale hero! That was really awesome of you, I have to say."

"You are a man of sweet words," the teenager said, with a smile that looked almost bittersweet. Then, as if he had completely forgotten about his melancholy, he grabbed Alfred's arm again and dragged him towards the next street corner. "But let us not waste time talking! Most of these shops close soon, and I would hate for us to miss them!"

Helpless, Alfred let himself be strung along.

Sadly, most of the shops they went past had already closed for the day. Still, the teenager cheerily talked his ear off about what wares they sold and the local gossip about the people who ran those stores — like Pepito, owner of the clay pottery store, who had apparently given away all his lotto winnings to the next city's blacksmith. The one time that they had actually been able to buy something was when they came across a small, brightly-colored cart that apparently sold the Filipino version of ice cream. Both the vendor — Mang Tomas, as he was introduced — and the teenager had chuckled when he brought out a wallet full of dollars, so the teenager had to reach into his own pocket to pay with a few coins. As they walked past yet another cathedral, Alfred caught his friend singing the hymns under his breath. When they reached the plaza, the teenager then asked the lady standing nearby — Aling Nena, he was told — to give him a jasmine garland, the scent of the white flowers so powerful that it immediately made Alfred sneeze on his friend's face when he put them around his neck. Yet instead of getting mad like he expected, the teenager had only laughed and told him he looked handsome.

No matter where they went or who they talked to, his friend always seemed to know everyone's names. Alfred had no idea how he had the time to possibly get so familiar with all the people around him, but he certainly understood the sentiment; he loved talking with all the Americans that he came across with too. Personally getting to know the people who made his nation always made him feel more connected with them in a way that war and politics never could.

And if the Philippine Islands was truly to be his someday, Alfred knew he wanted to treat them similarly. More than anything or anyone else though, nobody in the archipelago had intrigued him most than the young man beside him whose smile was brighter than any star.

Yet all his experience in small talk failed him tonight, and not for lack of trying. Every time he asked questions about his friend, he was always diverted away from the topic.

Which part of the city are you from? was met with a vague Do you ask the flower which vine it came from? You are better off simply enjoying the whole garden.

Where is your family? had been completely ignored as his friend said You must be hungry, yes? I know a place with the best empanadas this side of Binondo.

What is your name? earned him a cheeky wink and a teasing If your mind still ventures to inane questions like that, then I am not doing very well in completely impressing you.

How old are you? made the teenager burst out into loud, hearty laughter that lasted for more than a minute. Alfred didn't even bother to try asking anything else after that, choosing to focus on his empanadas and arroz a la valenciana for the rest of the meal.

Later, when they were served a bottle of gin to share along with a bowl of peanuts, his friend had the grace to apologize for his behavior.

"I truly am sorry," he said, but the playful grin on his face made it difficult to take his apology seriously. "I simply do not think that you knowing more about me is more important than us having a good time together."

"How am I supposed to find you again if I don't know who you are, huh?" Alfred couldn't stop himself from whining. He ignored the glass in front of him, taking a swig straight from the bottle and letting the alcohol burn down his throat. His friend watched him in bemusement. "This has been the best night of my life in a long time. And if this is the last time we see each other, I don't think I'm going to forgive myself if I don't push you into giving me a hint."

This time, it was his friend's turn to take a drink: he filled his glass half-full and downed it all in one go. "You are certainly bold, señorito, I will give you that. A good friend of mine warned me about how loud and annoying Americans were, but it seems he neglected to tell me about how forward you all were as well."

Alfred resisted the urge to roll his eyes; of course, he would get deflected yet again. "Alright, I'll bite. Tell me more about your friend."

The teenager looked surprised. "You wish to know more about a man that insulted you?"

"If this is the closest I get to you telling me more about yourself, I'll take it," he shrugged. "Besides, I'd love to know how this friend of yours thinks. Americans are the greatest people in the world! He must be stupid if he doesn't know that."

The other boy laughed. "Of course you would say that, you biased brute. And I will have you know that my friend was quite smart, actually. One of the smartest men I have ever known."

Alfred felt like he wouldn't like the answer, but he asked anyway: "Was?"

All traces of laughter from his friend's face faded away into a hollow smile. "Killed by firing squad a few years ago."

Silently, Alfred poured gin into both of their glasses. They drank in solemn solidarity.

"My sincere condolences," said Alfred, and he meant it: he had lost too many friends himself over the centuries. "And I'm sorry I called him stupid."

His friend waved it off. "No worries. Pepe was incredibly intelligent, but he definitely had his fair share of stupid moments — you wouldn't believe how many times that man fell in love over the course of his short lifetime. Still, I miss him terribly and I wish he was still around. God only knows what he would have thought about everything happening at present."

"Oh, I know the feeling." Despite him dying decades prior, Alfred still longed for George Washington's steadfast guidance sometimes. He reached, a bit messily, for another drink. "It's uncanny, yeah? Some people just have this weird ability to analyze the present and predict the future. I certainly don't know how they do anything like it, really. I kind of just talk big and hope for the best."

"Funny that you talk about the future," the teenager chuckled. "Somehow, my friend even managed to predict that you would come here, Alfred. I did not believe him at the time, of course, but here you are."

"Here I am," Alfred repeated faintly. "Hold on, how did you know my—"

"Why were you all alone in my city, señorito?" His friend interrupted, looking up at him through his eyelashes. He leaned closer, close enough for the skin of their arms to touch, and Alfred suddenly forgot about all his worries. "I was very surprised to see you on your own, looking every bit like a lost little lamb. You are very lucky that I found you."

"Lucky indeed," he murmured, adjusting the collar of his shirt. It felt like the temperature in the room had risen by a dozen degrees. "Just wanted to explore, is all. MacArthur told me we had to stay low for a few more weeks, I got bored, and he let me out."

Those bright eyes were practically glittering as the teenager looked up at him, his fingers slowly tracing up his arm. "And you were alone? I always thought American soldiers traveled in pairs, but perhaps I was mistaken."

"No! No, you're right, you're definitely right," Alfred stammered out. He was sure his face was completely red by now. "I was with Private Wilkes earlier, but we, ah, got separated. He must be on the way back to Bulacan by now."

"How unfortunate," the other practically purred, clearly delighted. "Say, tell me, how did this Wilkes look like? Because I am sure that he does not look as handsome as you do."

That damned smile, now coy instead of kind and sweet, was tantalizingly close. If only he had the courage to lean down—

Alfred, trying desperately to distract himself, grabbed the bottle again and took a long swig.

There were about a million promises that threatened to spill from Alfred's lips, each one more outrageous than the other: Come with me. Stay with me. I'll keep you safe. I'll love you. Yet at the moment, he found himself tongue-tied. He didn't know if it was the alcohol or the atmosphere or the way the young boy across the table had so effortlessly allured him, but he felt like he was about to go insane. He barely registered the both of them standing up to leave, didn't question why they didn't need to pay at the restaurant, paid no heed to what his friend had whispered to the men standing guard by the door. His mind was in a muddy haze, and all he could focus on was the fact that his friend was holding his hand as he was led into the dark streets.

Dimly, Alfred thought that however striking he looked by the setting sun, he looked much more ethereal bathed in moonlight.

He must have said this aloud because the teenager laughed.

"You are a man of sweet words," he said, and there's that oddly bittersweet smile again. "And I wish we could have met in better circumstances."

"What's wrong with the way we met today? I had fun," Alfred argued. He swayed slightly on his feet, and his friend held on to him to keep him from falling. "Didn't you have fun?"

"You forget we are at war, señorito. And you forget that you are seeking to control me and my people, not find a lover." Despite the harsh words, the way his friend said this was soft and sad. Almost like he was somehow hurt. "It does not matter what we feel today if we are bound to fight each other tomorrow. Should you not know this by now?"

They walked together in silence, each supporting the other. Slowly, Alfred's alcohol-induced dizziness began to subside. It was replaced by a growing emptiness in his chest — and a heavy, heavy realization.

"You knew I was America this entire time." When his friend deigned to respond, he continued. "Then, why...?"

At this, the teenager laughed — broken and wistful and desperate, all at once. "I do not know myself. I was ready to attack you, but for some reason, the look in your eyes as you watched the sunset stopped me. I thought, if you could look at my country with such amazement, then you could see that this war is unnecessary. That if you could know my land and my people the way I knew them, full of vibrancy and color and light, then you could realize that they did not deserve to die.

"Yet as the night went on I began to realize my efforts were fruitless. It was not them you were looking at anymore, but me." Here, his friend faced him; Alfred barely catching a glimpse of his wet eyes before the teenager looked away. "Believe me, I would love to spend another night like this with you. But you have your responsibilities and so do I."

"Fruitless," Alfred repeated hollowly. The cold night wind was in stark contrast to the hot rage he felt bubbling inside him. He forcefully wrenched himself away from his friend, yelling: "You made me tell you classified information!"

In seconds, he watched the teenager's face go from shock to hurt to an angry glare.

"Do you not understand how badly I need to win this war? My people did not give their lives to free me from Spain just so you could swoop in and take over! So forgive me, señorito," his friend spat mockingly, "for trying to find whatever advantages my poor nation can get against such an imperialistic nation like you!"

"And do you not understand what we're trying to do here?" Alfred shouted. "We are fighting this war to save you! Don't you see that your country is a mess? That you're underdeveloped, uneducated, and unfit for self-rule? I was the hero who helped save your people from Spain, jackass, and—"

"—and you promised to give us independence, and yet all your countrymen seem to do is kill." The teenager finished, both his eyes and the hilt of his knife glinting golden under the moonlight. "Is that what freedom means to you, America? I beg to differ."

As Alfred stepped away from him in furious, furious betrayal, all he could think about was that the other boy looked so small.

"I thought of you as my friend," he said.

"And I thought of you as my liberator," the teenager said coolly. "I see we were both wrong."

A harsh whinny interrupted them both. Alfred turned to find Patton riding a chestnut brown horse, his face red from exhaustion but seemingly unharmed. The private stopped in front of him, dismounting without grace on the pavement. His face was red from exhaustion and his clothes looked considerably ruffled, but otherwise, he looked unharmed.

"It ain't my position to say this sire, but don't you dare ever try to run away from me like that again," Patton panted, giving a quick side-eye to the other teenager before dismissing him. "We best hurry now, because those two won't be happy about their stolen horse."

Just as he was about to ask who those two were, a pair of Filipinos with muskets turned the corner and ran towards them. He vaguely recognized them as the same two men who were standing guard at the restaurant. They shouted loudly, a mix of Tagalog and Spanish expletives that Alfred could barely recognize, and a phrase distinct enough that he felt like it was something significant: amang bayan.

Patton evidently recognized the words. He looked at him in a wide-eyed panic, saying, "Sire, we need to leave—"

And as quick as lightning, Patton fell to the ground with a sickening crack. Caught completely off-guard and his arms restrained, he was helpless against the teenager who had a knife at his throat: a knife that, as Alfred began to realize with a horrified lurch of his stomach, was engraved with golden flowers and the insignia of an eight-rayed sun.

"You must be Private Wilkes," the Philippines smiled. "I do hope you are enjoying my country."

"Get off him or else!" Alfred screamed, the combined events of the night making him feel like he was about to reach his breaking point. He reached for the pistol he kept hidden on his belt and took aim, hoping to God that the other nation wouldn't force him to shoot. Even after everything, he didn't feel like he had the nerve to hurt Philippines after the hours they spent together; maybe some other day, but not tonight.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that the two men had caught up to them. They angled their muskets at him from a distance. The horse, which Alfred had been planning to use for escape, had already taken off running in the commotion.

Patton stared up at him with fear in his eyes, a bleeding gash on his forehead, and Alfred's hands began to shake.

Above all else, Philippines was still smiling: eyes bright, amused twitch of the lips on his sharp face. Slowly, he stood to approach him.

Like a switch had been flicked, his features turned soft and kind again — more like the boy that Alfred had met earlier, the boy who had dragged him around the streets of Manila with lighthearted laughter, the boy whose smile was brighter than any star. All Alfred could do was stand there, mesmerized once again, as his hand was gently pried away from the gun.

"Alfred," Philippines said this quietly, almost like he was invoking a prayer. He motioned the men to stand down. "I do not wish to fight."

"I don't want to either," Alfred admitted. Maybe there was hope... "C'mon, we can talk this through, right? Look, we haven't had a battle in months. It should be really easy to negotiate, yeah? I'll set up a meeting with your generals and mine, we'll have a civil discussion with no weapons allowed, and we'll reach a compromise."

The other nation was leaning in, and this time, Alfred took his chance. He held Philippines' cheek in his hands and they kissed, soft and quick and chaste.

"Of course," Alfred said, as he pulled away. "I would need your complete surrender—"

He was swiftly kneed in the stomach, disarmed, and shot.

"Alfred, I do not wish to fight," Philippines said, as he watched Alfred collapse to the ground. "But I have to. I hope you understand."

He vaguely registered Patton reaching out to him as his eyes closed and the blood pooled around him, but all he could focus on was watching the other nation walk away into the darkness.

—

When Alfred came to, he was already back at camp. Without thinking, he immediately trudged to the general's war office.

"Good morning, Major-General MacArthur," he smiled, bright and cheery. "Gather the troops. I want to destroy Manila immediately."

—

Notes:

This is set in October 1899, during those months when there were no battles or skirmishes between the two armies. On the first day of November, the Americans launched a major attack on the Filipinos. This attack happened in San Fabian, Pangasinan, not in Manila, but let's forget about that.

Major-General MacArthur is, of course, Arthur MacArthur Jr., who was a major military figure during the Philippine-American War. I also claim artistic license in hinting that the American camp was in Bulacan because it probably wasn't.

Alfred's comments about Manila looking like Mexico are based on a comment by former president Manuel L. Quezon when he visited Mexico back in 1937: "Everything was the same." He meant that very, very affectionately.

Here's a nifty map of modern Manila. Alfred and Patton start out in Quiapo, which is basically the heart of downtown Manila. Alfred runs all the way to Muelle del Rey, which, coincidentally, happens to be the same place where the Jones Bridge stands today. Alfred and Phili take the tranvia to Binondo, Manila's business district and home to the world's oldest Chinatown.

The names of the store owners and vendors that Phili talks about are references to assorted media in Philippine pop culture. Pepito is a reference to Pepito Manaloto, a long-time comedy show about a man who won the lotto. Mang Tomas (Mang being an informal way to refer to a male adult older than you) is the name of a popular brand of gravy. Aling Nena (Aling being an informal way to refer to a female adult older than you) is a reference to the song Tindahan ni Aling Nena, about a boy who falls in love with a storeowner's daughter.

The garland of white jasmines that Phili puts around Alfred's neck are supposed to be sampaguitas, our national flower. They're usually sold near churches and are given as a sign of respect.

I have no idea if there are actually empanadas and valenciana sold somewhere in Binondo, but let's jot that down to artistic license. But these are very much Filipino foods that were adapted from Spanish foods, which is why Phili brings it up when Alfred asks about his family.

The old friend that Phili keeps talking about is Jose Rizal, our national hero. He is primarily known for being a great writer, whose novels inspired the Philippine War for Independence, and for being killed for it. He is also known for being having a long list of lovers, many of them not even Filipino. Lesser known is the fact that he visited America, hated it, went on a train ride with an American, and hated it. He wrote a whole diary entry about how much he didn't like America and Americans. He had also predicted that out of all the world powers, it would be America who would probably take an interest in conquering the Philippines when Spain was out of the picture. Go figure. Rizal was also affectionately known by his nickname, Pepe.

I imagine Phili to be particularly proficient in arnis, which is also known as kali or eskrima. It's a kind of Filipino martial art, most easily recognizable as that one martial art where everyone is dual-wielding a pair of sticks. The sticks are actually for training. Traditionally, arnis is fought by dual-wielding knives or swords, and it's meant to be quick and efficient in defending, attacking, disarming, and killing. Phili's fictional ornately designed knife is inspired by this very real ornately designed knife. The detail of the eight-rayed sun is a reference to the eight-rayed sun in the Philippine flag.

Lastly (phew!), some Tagalog to English translations!

Hijo, padaan naman po - Young boy, kindly let me pass Pasensya na po, lolo! Hindi kasi taga-rito - Sorry, grandfather*! He's not from around here. Lolo literally means grandfather but is a general way to refer to any elderly man regardless of any actual blood relation. Amang bayan - Fatherland

[thespoliarium]

Kailan: A Michael Palin x Filipino Travel Buddy AU Fanfic

Notes: - Language is Taglish (Tagalog-English) - Word Count: 1109 - Italics = Thoughts - Bold = Song lyrics - Beh, isipin mo na lang hindi kasal si Michael - Around The World In 80 Days era - The song for this fanfic is released on 1989 kaya magkunwari na lang tayong 1988 siya lumabas - Okay pwede ka nang magbasa happy reading ingat always kain ka na love you yie

Shoutout po kay @pauls-mccharmly !!

The song:

***

September 25, 1988.

“Kalma lang, Sinang. Kalma.”

I said to myself as I head to the train station. See, I had agreed upon assisting Michael Palin for his trip around the world in 80 days. Yes. Like the Jules Verne novel. A 6-person crew and Michael. I’m one of the 6. It’s going to be very difficult for the lot of us.

Michael Palin! Nananaginip ba ako?! I’ve been working for the BBC for 2 years as a journalist and I have occasionally heard of him a thousand times, pero jusko! Working with him!

Before I knew it, I had reached the Orient Express. I would know where the crew are – they’d stick their bags together. “Okay, mukhang ito na nga.”

But before I could place them, a man with blonde called me. It was one of the crew. “Sinang Gerona?”

“Yes, it’s me! Clem Vallance, innit?”

“Yes, glad to have you on the trip.” We shook hands. Well, at least the crew is friendly. “Have you seen Michael, perchance?”

“No, not yet-“

Then I saw him. Michael. Jusko, ang gwapo. He was wearing gray pants, gray button-up shirt, white jacket and a necktie, and holding a big shoulder bag. Though he’s very handsome, one will wonder, isn’t it too much? Well, anyways. He’s Michael Palin, anong pakialam ko sa kasuotan niya?

“Ginoong- Mister Palin.” We shook hands, and went to talk to Clem. Quite surprised with the quick interaction, but eh, he’ll acknowledge me later.

So, we boarded at the Orient Express. Michael boarded last as he had to bid see you soon to his friends and family.

I watched him through the curtain window, not wanting to be a creep. If I could only do this to my family and friends in the Philippines… But before I knew it, the train started to move, I looked around the train, then I saw myself…

“SINANG! GAGO KA, KATAPAT MO SI MICHAEL PALIN!”

Sitting in front of Michael Palin! This table is only keeping us apart… Tanginang mesa na ito!

He was also looking around… Then his eyes met mine.

“Hello.” I made the first move.

“Hi.” His voice was low. “Sinang, yes?”

“Yes. Sinang Gerona.”

Then we had hot soup… And that was the only time we interacted.

***

Kung feeling mo gago ka, mas gago ako. Hindi ako pinapansin ni Michael Palin. Pak! Shet! Anong ginawa ko?! Lord, ano ‘to?!

I mean, ayos lang kung ‘di ako pinansin ng iba… But Michael Palin. THE good-looking Python… Hindi ako pinapansin?! Huhu! Rethinking life choices…

Halos mapuntahan ko na lahat ng mga simbahan, mga mosque… Kung saanman mapadpad! Italy, Greece, Egypt, India… Lahat na!  

Until one night, we were crossing the South China Sea through ship. I had nothing to do but see Michael jog. Or film. Or write. It was painful. Hindi niya ako pinapansin. At this point, pwede ko nang itapon sarili ko sa dagat.

And you know what’s more painful? Michael and I have the same room. Aray! Masakit! Pighati! Dalamhati! Nagdurugo… Ang aking puso…

One night, I was looking out to the sea, the air was cool and calm, it was the perfect time to take pics. But then again, it’s dark. The camera wouldn’t see a thing.

I put on the cassette player and brought something fresh from the Philippines. A new group, Smokey Mountain, has released their first album. “Kailan” came on. A jazzy tune, perfect for the night. Then, the voice came on (which I later discover, it’s Geneva Cruz).

“Bakit kaya nangangamba, Sa tuwing ika'y nakikita, Sana nama'y magpakilala. Ilang ulit nang nagkabangga, Aklat kong dala'y pinulot mo pa, 'Di ka pa rin nagpakilala.”

Those lyrics hit home, and it hit hard. Harder than the time Mama threw the tsinelas at me. Carried away, I started to sing.

“Bawat araw sinusundan, 'Di ka naman tumitingin! Ano'ng aking dapat gawin?”

Hopefully, no one is recording me…

“Bakit kaya umiiwas? Binti ko ba'y mayroong gasgas? Nais ko lang magpakilala. Dito'y mayroon sa puso ko, Munting puwang laan sa 'yo, Maaari na bang magpakilala.”

Oh, ayun na nga! Sinang ninyo, kumakanta na!

“Bawat araw sinusundan, 'Di ka naman tumitingin! Ano'ng aking dapat gawin? Kailan? Kailan mo ba mapapansin ang aking lihim? Kahit ano'ng aking gawin 'di mo pinapansin? Kailan? Kailan hahaplusin ang pusong bitin na bitin? Kahit ano'ng gawing lambing 'di mo pa rin pansin!”

But then I heard someone calling me.

I would know that voice anywhere.

“Haha, gago ka Sinang. Si Michael.”

I looked, and it was indeed Michael! “Ah! Ginoong- Master- Ay! Mister Palin…”

He looked tense. “Sinang, may I talk to you?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“… Privately?”

“I… Yeah, sure.”

Okay. Ano ‘to. Save your prayers, Sinang! TANGGAL KA NA SA TRABAHO MO, TANGGAPIN MO NA LANG ‘YUN!

So, we went to our shared room. I started to compose the things I’ll say.

As he closed the door, I became a rapper. Multi-talented yata Sinang ninyo.

“Mister Palin, look I am very sorry If I did anything wrong if I did anything wrong, just tell me and I would gladly acknowledge that, if you need me to change my face I would do that-“

He stopped me by putting both his hands on my shoulders. Ginoong Palin, hindi po siya nakakatulong. Pinapabilis niyo lang po puso ko.

“Sinang, calm down. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He chuckled. That chuckle… My gosh…

“W-What are we going to talk about then…?” I asked as we sat on his bed.

“I… I should be the one who’s sorry.”

“Huh?”

“Notice that I’ve been ignoring you for days other than the times when I need to ask something from you?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s, uhm… It’s because I have a crush on you.”

… HA?! ANO?!

“What?”

“Yeah…” He swallowed the lump on his throat.

Jusko. Michael Palin? THE Michael Palin?! Having a crush on someone like me?

“H-How…”

“I don’t know really. You’re appealing to me.”

“Intellectually?”

“And physically.”

My gosh… This is a sign! OKAY, GO!

“Mister Palin-“

“Michael. Just Michael.” He smiles.

“Oh, alright then. Michael, I also have a crush on you too.” Pareho kaming nagmumukhang tanga dito.

The two of us felt like high school students… I did a bold move and held his hand.

“So, does that mean I can kiss you now?” I asked. Okay, sino ang sumanib sa kaluluwa mo at sinabi mo ‘yan?

He didn’t answer. He showed me the answer.

First kiss! In a ship crossing the South China Sea… Now, that’s a dream…

I spent the night on his bed instead of mine. Barely even touched the sheets.

At last, my “Kailan” was answered.

[anggecity]

Non-Japanese tries to explain the lyrics of "Black Gold" by otetsu ft. Megurine Luka

Note: I am not a Japanese speaker, so I depend on translation engines, and comments are always welcome.

Black Gold is one of otetsu-P's iconic songs featuring Megurine Luka. It's also one of my fave J-pop songs to listen to, so I got curious on what the lyrics meant...

TL;DR I think the song talks about a breakup, in simplest words. But it is not one that ended because of infidelity.

So first off, I'm checking the PVs if they could have highlighted other elements of the song. The original PV by meola is more of a still, exhibiting the sheen of gold, contrasting on a dark background. Meanwhile, Project DIVA's game video features Luka in a railway station, with black-gold motifs.

Down to the lyrics, I looked up one at Vocaloid Lyrics by user @vaffisuco.

On Vaffisuco's, there are some notes, possibly adding more context to the intended message:

1. Not quite sure what the little 'dot' means between 犠牲 and 代償。Here I just assumed these two were connected to one another grammatically and in context. 2. Unsure if the その覚悟 part connects with the next sentence cluster, and can't tell if the intonation is necessarily going down to indicate the end of a sentence. I decided to translate these sentences as such as to avoid a very lengthy English explanation. 3. Here I assume that the singer is verifying her existence/her failed relationship. She grasps the 'love' and the Black gold ring in order to leave her 'mark'. May possibly be referring to the existence of her ex, but I decided to translate this portion in first person.

Those notes aside, comparing it to DeepL and Google Translate, the human and engine translations mostly have the same translation. For comparison on engine translations, I merged lines per phrase, usually into ones or two whole lines. There is also one line-by-line at DeepL, as the line breaks sort of bring a different context, though still similar.

Altogether, the translations at the first verses present a confusing group of lines.

I was asked to decide which way to go, and I lied. The person who told me to go right went left. (from DeepL, merged lines)

As someone who also speaks Tagalog, I might see that "going left" can translate to "pangangaliwa" or a connotation of adultery/cheating. However, I am not sure if this is applicable in Japanese too. So I thought that it implies more of a backsliding, or a reversal of what was once promised.

To be able to breathe / So that I can live / Having to put it into words (from DeepL, line-by-line)

To me this implies that there had been an end of a connection in good terms, that ironically not staying true (lying) to one's initial words would mean being true to the next.

It must have been hard for you to put it into words, but you were still smiling, covered in scars. (from DeepL, merged lines)

There is a slight difference on translated syntax to different engines, but it is pretty consistent with all three presented translations here. However, for the next line, both line-by-line DeepL and merged lines at Google Translate show the same to who is expressing laughter, but differ to who apparently got the injuries:

You're covered in scars/ I was smiling (from DeepL, line-by-line)

It would have been painful to put it into words. I was laughing with all the scratches. (from Google Translate, merged lines)

And so is for Vaffisuco's and merged lines at DeepL, saying it's the other party that did so:

As I became covered in wounds / You laughed. (Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)

It must have been hard for you to put it into words, but you were still smiling, covered in scars. (from DeepL, merged lines)

I am not sure which among these translations fit the producer's intended message. Perhaps for one, it is open to interpretation. But I also think that the laugh can connote a "hiding the pain" (no reference intended), or it is more of a relief to one that broke the bond, that it had to be a relief for both.

The chorus translations are very similar. Vaffisuco's translation brings an imagery of, likely a lost possibility, a path that with this became a dead end.

Scared of the things that could separate us, / I averted my gaze and ran away / I stop in my tracks, my vision flickering / I am not prepared to be, or repay the victim* (Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation) *The words translated were "犠牲" (sacrifice) and "代償" (compensation). Per the note, the translator "assumed these two were connected to one another grammatically and in context."

Vaffisuco's translation strikes me that it was a shock for the person, as if they were caught off-guard. At least as how I see it, the persona talks about how difficult something was to let go, and consequently "repay" the compensation that for one, will mend things altogether. I reckon a line confirms it, that they still have a significant attachment despite the breaking away:

I'm so, so scared of being separated, / I just want to be by your side (Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)

I'm afraid of being separated from you. I'm afraid.　 I wanted to be there. (from DeepL, merged lines)

Where Vaffisuco's (and another translation at LyricsTranslate) repeats with "or repay the victim", the engine translations seemed to show slight differences:

Stopping, hiding in plain sight The sacrifice, the price, I'm not prepared for [it] (from DeepL, line-by-line)

Stopping, sacrificing and compensating to appear and disappear (from Google Translate, merged lines)

The words may have resulted from completely different ways of extracting context from syntax, so here we are. But even so, the connotations share something in common. "To appear and disappear" presents itself in a way that there could be a sacrifice to begin with, to compensate in keeping, and the "stopping" in "[to] disappear". That's how I can interpret what I got from Google Translate. But for what DeepL showed, it could be reiterating the notion of not being able to accept for whatever had to be lost and "sacrificed".

The bridge builds up with lyrics that give a sense of "spiralling down". It likely, vaguely if anything, references fate being cruel.

So, what is the 'truth'? / Is it cold, hard metal? / Look, look at me walking! / Look, look at me walking! / So who was the one that made the decision? / Just where is our God? / Ah, how unfulfilling! (Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)

What's the truth, what's cold metal? Look at me, I'm looking at you, I'm walking backwards, When did God decide? I don't know where God is, I can't fill it, I can't fill it. (from DeepL, merged lines) *Without the rest of the lines, "埋まらない　埋まらない" becomes "I can't bury it I can't bury it"

I'm not sure what the "cold metal" is about, but a quick Google search of "冷たい金属だとか" showed this (and another random translation):

Could it mean that that the brink of sincerity becomes no more than gold, but that of silver? Could it be referencing the conductivity of silver? Or maybe it just generally refers to metal left in a cool temperature, that literally feels hard and cold to touch?

And down to the last two choruses... the lines changed, going to the song's conclusion.

Separating from you, I go far, far away / To the people who went left / I'll leave your last act of kindness right here / So it won't lose it's brilliance (Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation)

To the one who went away, far away, to the left The last kindness you gave me, I'll leave it here so it doesn't fade away (from DeepL, merged lines)

Both DeepL and Google Translate shared very similar results. As for this, it bears acknowledgement on the other party, possibly memorializing the pleasant memories to be left behind.

What drives people apart / is that resolve for victims and their compensation I grasped the love dangling from my neck / and a black gold ring / So my footprints won't disappear (Vaffisuco's Vocaloid Lyrics translation) *Quoting the translator: "Here I assume that the singer is verifying her existence/her failed relationship. She grasps the 'love' and the Black gold ring in order to leave her 'mark'. May possibly be referring to the existence of her ex, but I decided to translate this portion in first person."

One of Vaffisuco's notes imply for the second last chorus that in times of trouble, people look for compensation and will do anything for it. It might try to say that at some point, vengeance is what pushes a person to act upon something; sometimes, this can be seen as closures, closing things. This is such that they believe that removing something from their live will make it easier, that it is a resolution on their part. (There definitely are more connotations that only human translators and native speakers can catch!)

To be separated from you The sacrifice, the price, the determination With [the] love around my neck and the black gold ring around my neck I'm trying to keep my footprints (from DeepL, line-by-line)

For the last chorus, I agree with Vaffisuco's note, seconding that the song is about a process of separation, when honesty is still honesty, and the difficulty of acceptance for one end (the persona). As for whose footprints are being kept, if it is decided that it was the persona's footprints, the persona wants to be remembered by one who left her. Otherwise, the persona wants to remember the other half, implied by the footprints.

As for the title "Black Gold", it can be interpreted in many ways. For English speakers, the phrase may be slang for "petroleum" as this resource in deposits had made certain countries rich by importation. But in jewelries, "black gold" refers to processed gold so its surface exhibits a black color.

Overall, the song shows itself as mysterious and poetic (especially that I am no Japanese speaker) with how the words are translated, and the implications I get by looking at how the syntax is processed for a language I am a native speaker of.

[isthisabattleship]

Conceptions of time in different languages analysis

 Last week I posted this questionnaire https://forms.gle/7q4LYB8tEh8toiJq6 I received 341 responses so thank you to everyone who filled it out! I’m going to go through the results grouping them by language family. I’ll start with non indo-european languages as I received the fewest of them. I’ll refer to the questions as Q1, Q2 etc. So have a look at the questionnaire for the full question.

Putting a cut here to keep timelines tidy as this post will get pretty long.

Non Indo-European languages

Arabic

I received one response from an Arabic speaker from Lebanon. Impossible to tell if answer is common to all Arabic speakers or even common to all Lebanese Arabic speakers. They answered Q1 Long Q2 The meeting moves backward Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 5-12 afternoon 12-6 evening 6-9 night 9-4am Basque

I received one response from a Basque speaker so it would be hard to tell if their answer is common to all or a majority or Basque speakers, or if it is their own personal way of seeing it. As such not much to say in terms of analysis. They answered Q1 Long, Q2 The meeting moves backward Q3 19:30 Q4 4:00-12:00 morning; 12:00-14:00 midday; 14:00-20:00/21:00 afternoon/evening (there's only one word); 20:00/21:00-4:00 night; but 2:00-4:00 is blurry, it would be considered small hours Tagalog I received 1 response from a Tagalog speaker. As with Basque and Arabic cant tell anything about what is common for Tagalog speakers. They answered Q1 Full Q2 The meeting moves backward Q3 19:30 Q4 morning sunrise to noon,afternoon until sunset, evening until 8pm Indo-Aryan languages I received 1 response from a Marathi speaker and 1 response from a Sinhalese speaker. They are both Indo-Aryan languages from the southern zone group. I don’t really know how close they are or their suitability to be compared but I’m going to do it anyway. As with the previous 3 it’s a very small sample size but I’m tired of not drawing conclusions so lets just go nuts. The Marathi speaker answered Q1 Long Q2 The meeting moves forward Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 5-12, afternoon 12-5, evening 5-8, night 8-4 The Sinhalese speaker answered Q1 Long Q2 The meeting moves backward Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 5-12, afternoon 12-6, evening 6-8 It seems that the two have the same conceptions of time itself but that arranged events are considered relative to the speaker in Sinhalese and relative to the calendar in Marathi. Uralic languages I received responses from 1 Hungarian speaker, 2 Finnish speakers and 10 Estonian speakers. Estonian and Finnish are both part of the Finnic branch of the Uralic languages while Hungarian is its own separate branch.  The Hungarian speaker answered Q1 Long Q2 The meeting moves forward Q3 18:30 Q4 was unanswered The Finnish speakers answered Q1 Long Q2 The meeting moves forward Q3 18:30 Q4 morning 5or6-10or11, afternoon 11-5, evening 5-8 The Estonian speakers answered Q1 6 Long 3 Thick 1 Heavy Q2 all the meeting moves forward Q3 all 18:30 Q4 the most common times were morning 4or6 -12, afternoon 12-5, evening 5-9 There is some disagreement among Estonians on Q1 perhaps the same would be true for Finns and Hungarians if their sample size were the same. All agree on the direction appointments move and they are similar on the time morning begins and afternoon and evening ends. It’s odd to me that the Finnish afternoon begins before 12. Perhaps they also have the concept of a forenoon but didnt want to explain that to me. Indo-European Languages As there are so many I will group them into Germanic, Romance and Slavic, plus Greek, Latvian and Welsh. Welsh I received 1 response from a Welsh speaker (bilingual with English).  They answered Q1 Long Q2 The meeting is removed from the first date and placed on the second with no movement across an intervening imagined space. Q3 19:30 Q4 Morning ends at midday (12). Afternoon ends at 5pm, evening ends at about 8-9pm, and night ends at 7am Latvian I received 1 response from a Latvian speaker.  They answered Q1 Heavy Q2 The meeting moves forward Q3 18:30 Q4 morning 4-1, afternoon 1-6, evening 6-midnight

Greek I received 3 responses from Greek speakers. They answered Q1 2 full 1 long Q2 all the meeting moves forward Q3 all 19:30 Q4 morning 6or7-12or1, afternoon until 6, evening until 9 Germanic Languages I received responses from 8 Dutch speakers (of which 5 were Dutch and 3 Belgian), 85 English speakers (of which 62 were American, 5 Australian, 10 British and 5 Canadian), 23 German speakers (of which 21 were German, 1 Austrian and 1 Swiss) and 2 Swedish speakers (of which 1 Swedish and 1 Finnish). The Belgian Dutch speakers answered Q1 all long Q2 2 forward 1 backward Q3 all 18:30 Q4 morning 5-10 forenoon 10or 11 - 1, afternoon 1-5, evening 5or6 to 9 or 10. The Dutch speakers from the Netherlands answered Q1 all long Q2 2 backward 2 forward 1 transferred without crossing intervening space Q3 18:30 Q4 morning 5-12 afternoon 12-5or6, evening until midnight. All Dutch speakers agree on Q1 but most do not agree on Q2. Perhaps with a larger sampler a clear pattern would be seen. They agree on Q3 but on Q4 Belgian Dutch speakers have a forenoon. One of the Dutch speakers from the Netherlands also commented on this difference. The American English speakers answered Q1 all long Q2 41 backward 16 forward 5 transferred Q3 the Americans were very confused by this question. The goal was to determine whether it is more common to say half to or past an hour. The majority of those who provided an answer said 19:30, some said 18:30 and some said other times such as 15:30 or 21:30 but this is clearly down to them not using the 24hr clock. Q4 most common answer morning begins 5 or sunrise, afternoon 12 or 1 - 5, evening 5-9. The Australian English speakers answered Q1 3 long 1 full 1 big Q2 3 back 1 forward 1 to the right. Q3 Australians were also confused by this questions but the 3 who responded said 19:30 Q4 morning 5or sunrise, afternoon 12 until 5 or6, evening until 8 or 9 2 say night follows afternoon so no evening. The British English speakers answered Q1 all Long Q2 6 backward 2 forward 2 other Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 6-12, afternoon 12- 5or6, evening until 8or9, The Canadian English speakers answered Q1 all long Q2 2 backward 2 forward 1 transferred Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 4 or sunrise-12, afternoon until sunset, evening until 10. All English speakers except 2 Australians agree on Q1. The meeting moves backward is the most common answer for Q2 but others aren’t very uncommon. Those who understood Q3 agreed. The times are all quite similar although I don’t know the time of sunset in Canada so that could be an outlier. The Swiss and Austrian German speakers didn’t answer differently to the Germans so I will group them all together. Q1 16 Long 7 full Q2 12 back 6 forward 2 transferred Q3 all 18:30 Q4 morning 6-12; afternoon 12-18; evening 18-21; night 21-6 many express that noon is a separate time from 12-14 which shouldnt be included with afternoon. The Fenno-swedish speaker answered Q1 Long Q2 Forward Q3 18:30 Q4 Morning begins around six and ends around eleven, same for evenings. The Swedish speaker from Sweden answered Q1 Long Q2 Forward Q3 18:30 Q4 morning 5-9, forenoon 9-12, afternoon 12-7, evening 7-10 All the Germanic language speakers agree on Q1 Long. On Q2 The majority of German and English speakers agree that appointments move backward when postponed. The Dutch and Swedish speakers seem to disagree but there isnt enough data. On Q3 English is a clear outlier with the other languages all agreeing to half to the hour instead of half past. The times of day all seem similar except for The Swede and the Belgian Dutch speakers who agree on a forenoon but disagree slightly on when it begins. Romance languages I received responses from 5 Catalan speakers, 11 French speakers (of which 7 were French and 4 Belgian), 102 Italian speakers, 8 Portuguese speakers (of which 6 were Brazilian and 2 Portuguese), 4 Romanian speakers and 28 Spanish speakers (of which 8 were Argentine, 9 Mexican, 5 Spanish, 3 Colombian, 1 Uruguayan, 1 Peruvian and 1 Honduran). The Catalan speakers answered Q1 4 Long 1 heavy Q2 4 forward 1 backward Q3 19:30 Q4 morning begins at 6 or first light, most consider migdia (midday or lunchtime) distinct from afternoon from 12-3or4 afternoon 4-6 or dusk, evening until 9 or when you leave dinner or go to bed. The Belgian French speakers answered Q1 2 long 2 thick Q2 2 forward 1 back 1 transferred Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 4-12, afternoon 12- 5or 6, evening until 10. The French speakers from France answered Q1 5 long 1 full 1 busy Q2 4 back 3 forward Q3 19:30 Q4 morning midnight until noon, afternoon 12-6, evening until midnight, the night is when the sun is down. Its hard to tell because of the quantity of responses but for Q1 long could be the default answer for french speakers. Its difficult to make a conclusion on Q2. They all agree on Q3. Belgian French speakers have set times for the night while it depends on the sun for those from France. (Per primo voglio ringraziare tutti voi italiani per aver risposto, wow 102!) The Italian speakers answered Q1 46 full 39 long 14 heavy Q2 Over 90 forward with some backward and some transferred Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 5or6-12or1, afternoon ends 5or7, evening ends between 9 and midnight. The Brazilian Portuguese speakers answered Q1 4 full 2 long Q2 all forward Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 5or6-12, afternoon until 5or6, no distinction between evening and night. The European Portuguese speakers answered Q1 all long Q2 all forward Q3 19:30 Q4 neither answered the question in full but one did comment that asking Portuguese people when it is acceptable to say good morning instead of good day would definitely cause a fight. It seems they disagree on Q1 but the sample size is small so that may not be the case. The Romanian speakers answered Q1 2 full 2 long Q2 3 forward 1 transferred Q3 19:30 Q4 morning 6-12, afternoon 12-6, evening 6-10.

I’m going to group the Spanish speakers together because there were so many varieties but they dont differ significantly in response. However several have small sample sizes and its possible others would answer differently. Q1 majority long but some full or heavy Q2 all forward except for 2 argentines Q3 19:30 Q4 only Argentines indicated a distinction between evening and night. They answered morning 6-1, afternoon 1-8, evening 8-11or midnight while the other Spanish speakers answered morning 5or6-12or1 afternoon until 5or6, no distinction between evening and night. Romance language speakers tend to agree Q1 long but full and heavy are also possible. The vast majority agree Q2 forward and Q3 19:30. For morning they all generally agree 5or6 - 12or1 which is also the same for Germanic language speakers. Italian and Spanish speakers have a much larger range of afternoon times with many considering 7 or 8 afternoon. Portuguese speakers (certainly Brazilian but not sure on European) and most Spanish speakers share a lack of distinction between evening and night. Slavic languages I received responses from 3 Croatian speakers, 14 Czech speakers, 7 Polish speakers, 4 Russian speakers, 1 Serbian speaker and 2 Slovenian speakers. The Croatian speakers answered Q1 all long Q2 all forward Q3 18:30 Q4 vastly different answers on when morning begins, 2/3 say afternoon begins at 1, evening begins 6or 7, disagreement on beginning of night. The Czech speakers answered Q1 all long Q2 8 forward 5 transferred 1 back Q3 18:30 Q4 morning 5or6-10, most describe a forenoon time from 10 to 12or1, evening at 6 night at 9 or 11.

The Polish speakers answered Q1 4 long 2 hard 1 tiring Q2 4 forward 3 transferred Q3 18:30 Q4 morning 5or6-12, afternoon 12-6or7, evening until 10or 11, night until 5or6. The Russian speakers answered Q1 3 long 1 hard Q2 3 forward 1 transferred Q3 18:30 Q4 morning 3 or 4 -11, afternoon 12or1 - 4, evening 4-11. The Serbian speaker answered Q1 Heavy Q2 backward Q3 18:30 Q4 morning 5-12, afternoon 12-7, evening 7-9. The Slovenian speakers answered Q1 all long Q2 all forward Q3 18:30 Q4 one uses a forenoon the other doesn’t morning starts at 4or5, afternoon start at 12or1, evening 6-10. For Q1 long seems to be preferred with hard second most common, Serbian is an outlier with heavy but the sample size is small. Q2 Forward seems preferred with quite a lot of transferred as well. The Serb is once again the odd one out with backward. Q3 all agree 18:30 Q4 Russian’s have a much earlier begin to morning and it also ends before 12 but they don’t specify a forenoon as The Czechs and 1 Slovenian do. Russians also have an earlier evening. Largely it seems that concepts of time are consistent within language families although there is variation between different branches such as English in the Germanic languages and Russian or Serbian (maybe) in the Slavic. I hope you enjoyed reading this. My analysis wasnt too in depth because of the amount of answers and different languages but it was fun to compare them. It took me basically all day. I’m tired now so if anyone doesnt like what I’ve written I dont want to hear about it.

[asianartsblog]

LEK BORJA RENEWS FILIPINO HISTORY THROUGH ART

BY PRECIOUS RINGOR

Asian Pasifika Arts Collective New Outlooks Blog

April 2, 2021

http://ow.ly/fEby50FlQWZ

Editor’s Note: Precious Ringor brings us a second artist profile, this time of Filipino American interdisciplinary artist and poet Lek Borja, whose work is an attempt to track the continuous colonization across time, first within the Philippines from Spain and the United States, through present day America and trying to give voice to Filipino life against a white hegemony. Precious displays how Lek crosses borders of cultural stereotypes, seeking to expand the visions placed on Filipinos by other oppressive powers, and inserting her culture in art spaces where they are new and unfamiliar, but for the community, reminders of home.

Header Image: “Heritage at the Threshold” by Timothy Singratsomboune | Digital photography collage, 5400 x 4050 px, 2021.

Getting to know someone virtually is one of the sad realities we’ve had to face because of COVID-19 regulations. It’s both a blessing and a curse—we’ve become a global village, but at the same time we’ve all had more eye and back problems from sitting around and zooming this past year. 

A zoom call and an hour was all I had to get to know Lek Vercauteren Borja, a Filipino American interdisciplinary artist and poet widely known for her thought-provoking work into the Asian diaspora. Chatting with Lek didn’t feel like a job though; time flies fast when you’re having fun.

One of the things I noted was Lek’s warm and friendly nature. Most of the time, it’s uncommon for an interviewee to ask questions about the interviewer. Lek unabashedly admitted that she did a bit of ‘stalking’ before we hopped on Zoom, “I like to know about the person I’m talking with, even before the interview starts.” 

Lek started in poetry. Armed with a love for Shakespeare, she pursued a dual concentration in Art and Creative Writing at Antioch University. It was there that she first fell in love with art history and sculpture. During that time, her first chapbook, Android, was published by Plan B Press. She took this as a sign to continue pursuing a career in arts. 

As an artist, she admits that’s where she gets inspiration from, “I want to talk about the history of Filipinos, the invisible stories. Growing up in the Philippines and studying there, I realized there was a lot missing in our history books. It seemed as if it were written from a western perspective.” She reminded me so much of the Philippines, of home. Because of our similar upbringing, I immediately understood her search for truth.

The themes of home and longing, of memory and the present, and of giving Filipino lives new voices, carry across her work, and no more palpably than her piece Evolution of the Aswang Myth, what she calls “seed and the origin” to all her current works. Lek says “Without it, I wouldn’t be thinking about art, the way I’m making now.” This 8 x 8 feet painting explores the origins of the aswang or manananggal, a Filipino mythical creature typically depicted as a woman feared for its penchant for eating infants and unborn fetuses during the night. Interestingly, the aswang was also a word ascribed to the Filipina women who went against the forced religious conversion by Spanish friars during their colonization of the Philippines. 

March 2021 marked 500 years since Spanish ships first arrived on the shores of the Philippines. 

Since then, our country fought hard for liberation, first from Spain and then from the United States of America. In retrospect, it hasn’t been long since the Philippines became an independent nation. Today, we are striving to find our voice amidst the imperialistic erasure we’ve endured.

As Lek puts it, “What propelled me to tell these stories is the feeling that I had no voice. For one, I didn’t speak English well so I couldn’t really talk about what I was going through or how I felt. That’s why a lot of my work now focuses on bringing my experiences of living in the Philippines at the forefront and seeing how that’s connected to bigger conversations and narratives around us.” 

Currently, Lek’s work called Anak (My Child) is being featured in the gallery at Towson University’s Asian Arts & Culture Center. 

View Anak (My Child) Exhibit: https://towson.edu/anak

Besides online exhibitions and virtual galleries, Lek is also conducting several workshops in Baltimore’s upcoming Asia North Festival. These workshops are a good model for Lek’s philosophy in making art out of personal histories. Whether it’s experiences of displacement or change, she points out that everyone’s story matters and there will always be a community of people who can empathize with that.   

“I think it’s really important for our stories to be brought to light in the larger narrative. They think by calling us model minority, our problems can easily be brushed aside” I lamented the steady rise of xenophobic crimes these past few months.  

“I agree, it’s a really complex issue” Lek adds, “Why are we so silent? Why do we stand in the shadows? I’ll probably look for an answer my entire life. It’s hard to talk about our struggles and it’s not easy to have conversations about the past. There’s a culture of silence that’s been normalized and it’s perpetuated even in our own homes. But that’s part of the work I do, bringing everything from the past into the forefront so we can have deeper conversations about it.” 

Speaking of the past, Lek’s introduction to the arts started in Tarlac, a city located north of the Philippines. Besides being known as the most multicultural province, the city is home to numerous sugar and rice plantations. “The population of our barrio was probably less than 1,000. Our family had a farm as well as a sugar-cane and rice field plantation. My inang [grandmother] also worked in the market as a butcher. It was a pretty simple country lifestyle but my childhood was amazing.” 

Life in the country has been instrumental to Lek’s artistry. “The memory of the landscape and of the community is an extension of my art,” Lek explains. As a young girl, her biggest inspiration comes from her grandfather who, like herself, was also an artist. Lek would copy his drawings and eventually create drawings of her own. Recently, Lek has started to incorporate banana leaves into her work. Banana leaves are incredibly important to Filipino culture as it is used for cooking and traditional homebuilding. 

“Sounds like you had to find your own path, coming here at such a young age and experiencing culture shock. America is very different from the Philippines!” I quipped.

“It was snowing where I first came here!” she exclaimed, thinking back to her initial introduction of America. “It was November when we landed in New York, it was freezing. I remember our families bundling us in huge warm winter coats before wecould even say hello. It was definitely a huge shock.”

I laugh, thinking back to when I first arrived in California ten years ago. Silly to think I was already freezing in sunny temperatures when she had to endure piles of snow. “Do you think you’ve had to change yourself in order to adjust to that culture shock?” 

“For a long time I really didn’t know who I was,” Lek admits. “When I was younger, the school I went to was predominantly white. What I thought about how I should present myself came from that image. I dyed my hair blond and put on blue colored contacts to fit in. It was a lot of assimilation and cultural erasure. I started talking less Tagalog and less Ilocano. But art has really helped me find myself. It made me think more deeply about who I really was and what was important to me on an authentic level.” 

Halfway through our conversation, we slowly realized just how similar we were. From migrating at the age of ten to living twenty miles apart in the same city. It was also in chatting that Lek found out I spoke Tagalog fluently, one thing she regrets losing unexpectedly. As it is my first language, Lek asked me to speak it instead. Once again, her warm nature bled through the Zoom interview; I found it refreshing since hardly anyone thinks about the interviewer’s comfort. 

Unsurprisingly, community building is important to Lek. Before working, she likes to ask herself the following questions, ‘How is what I’m doing connected to my family and everyone in the Filipino community? How can I better serve my community?’ One of the main reasons she moved to L.A. is to network with other Filipino artists. 

“A few years ago, I showed my art alongside a group of all Filipino artists at Avenue 50 Studio gallery for an exhibition that Nica Aquino and Anna Calubayan organized (also both Filipinas). It’s crazy because I’ve lived in and out [of L.A.] for over 10 years now and it was only in 2019 that I started to be part of that community. It’s probably the most fun I've had at an art show, I really felt at home.” 

“I’d love to visit the studio’s galleries once it’s safer to go outside” 

“Definitely! I’ll keep you updated on any gatherings” Lek pitched excitedly.

“And I'll bring you guys homemade ube cakes and puto pao!” I teasingly replied back.

As our call came to a close I couldn’t help but ask Lek if she had any advice to give to budding AAPI artists. 

“I’ll echo what people who have supported me have said in the past: trust yourself and trust that you can make a difference. It’s hard to figure out who you want to be when [the world] has expectations and demands from you. We’re lucky to live in a time where there’s so many possibilities. Figure out what you want to do authentically and genuinely, and go for it.” 

Lek continues on, “Personally, it took me a long time to find my voice. When I was in grad school, I had a lot of doubt in myself because most visiting artists and curators couldn’t understand my work. What made it all worth it were the moments that people got [my voice] right away.”  

Getting to know Lek and learning about her commitment to showcasing invisible stories has been awe-inspiring; it made me proud to be a Filipino American artist. And in the wake of our hurting AAPI community, I believe it’s incredibly important, now more than ever, to highlight and support works of people like Lek. People who have had to fight for their voice in this world, who our youth could look up to and be inspired to become. 

About the Author:

Precious Ringor is a Filipino-American singer/actress/writer residing in Los Angeles, CA. Ringor graduated from Cal State University, Fullerton with a degree in Human Communication Studies where her research is geared towards Asian American socio-cultural communication norms. Besides performing in various theatre shows and indie film sets, Ringor also works as a content contributor to Film Fest Magazine and Outspoken

[sseastar]

ABOUT ME ; ISABELLA

* ੈ✩‧₊˚ BACK TO THE BASICS ˚₊‧✩ ੈ *

▸ hey everyone, my name is isabella! pretty straightforward to pronounce but my nickname is isa (EE-sa). my pronouns are she/her but you can call me dude or bro and i won’t care. i’m just a simple ‘02 liner who happens to have an affection for marine biology and the oceans and aesthetic culture from the 1900s and wants to live as a princess hihi! good to meet you ˙ᵕ˙

▸ i follow back from @sseastar-main!

▸ who i write for ; mainly skz, &team, enha — sometimes riize and treasure, and maybe tbz and svt here and there but it might change since i struggle with writing for svt cause of the age gap, and i haven’t written for tbz in a while!

* ੈ✩‧₊˚ OTHERS ˚₊‧✩ ੈ *

it took a lot of thinking but i decided to remake my blog as i wasn’t really feeling it anymore. i will slowly be transferring my old work to this one and coming out with stuff i’ve been planning for for forever already. cheers to a fresh start!

▸ some simple facts to get to know my blog and i

✧ i am a multistan, but my ults are stray kids!

✧ i’m 22! i’m filipino and can speak tagalog but i was born in california!

✧ i’m very family oriented. they come first to me over everything and i would do everything to make sure they’re safe and happy.

✧ i am very softhearted and i worry and stress over a lot of things, even when it’s unnecessary. just a warning in case any of my rants or stressing comes out from time to time hehe.

✧ i fall for people really easily! little isabella was already crushing on a little boy named nico in preschool ^o^

✧ i can play volleyball! no i’m not on a team anymore but i used to be the starting libero! my dad says i’m still pretty decent and he used to be on varsity for hs and college! i also really like baseball so if you ever see me screaming about anything related to these sports, no you didn’t.

✧ i’m a HUGE star wars fan so again, if you see me screaming about bad batch or the new obi wan series in the future, no you didn’t.

✧ i am in college so please understand that i won’t be as active as other blogs. i’m a perfectionist, so i always try to make something as good as i can make it. i’ve been working on the same things for so long because i have an expectation for my writing that i never seem to meet. bad i know,,,but anyway, sorry and thank you i’m advance for being patient!

MINORS !

please do not interact with my suggestive works! i don’t mind if you read the fluffy pieces but please do not read my more mature (never smut!) pieces. while most of what i write is all fluff, i do write suggestive or implied things and i do not feel comfortable with minors reading anything like that. although i always have warnings above the post when needed, i do not want to risk exposing minors to anything. while i can’t stop you from doing something, i highly suggest you to not read my works because i don’t know how they may effect you (and makes me uncomfortable knowing that someone underage is reading it).

TW ; CW // depression, anxiety

i struggle with both of these so please understand if i am unable to write, be active, or respond. additionally, since i do tend to write for myself, i may possibly incorporate my own feelings related to these as a way to vent and some writings also contain these topics.

(please let me know if i am using these warnings incorrectly! i am new to putting warnings and would like to ws sure that everyone has the best experience when interacting with my blog)

— here’s just a list of my ult groups and my biases <3 (disclaimer this is not an extensive list of all the groups i like!)

stray kids — seungmin, jisung

&team — nicho, ej

seventeen — wonwoo, junhui, chan

riize — eunseok, sungchan, wonbin

treasure — jeongwoo

enhypen — hyung line

boynextdoor — sungho, taesan, riwoo

the boyz — sunwoo, kevin, jacob

day6 — wonpil, youngk

txt — yeonjun, soobin

nct / wayv — jisung, jeno, mark

ateez — hongjoong, jongho

[la-luna-es-hermosa]

EXO Reaction to a Filipino Idol

Note: Bruh I think I have overdone this reaction. This reaction is made from a request by an anon! I am so excited to finally receive an ask! But yes I did make this reaction extra special because of my hiatus. Sorry for not being active anymore because I have been addicted to osu and other rhythm games (Arcaea and Superstar SM). I have also been in a new fandom (in my profile picture) I know I gotta stay loyal for my boy Jongin but I just can’t. For this blog, I will still accept requests, still active, but I will be more active in @kuwurapikaaa​ ! If you want hunter x hunter, the arcana, jjba and A3! content, check that blog up too! I am finishing drafts there as well - MeiQI

Junmyeon

You guys met at one of the designer parties he attends to. Despite being in the same industry, you guys haven’t really faced each other. He was probably too busy tending to his members.

In that moment, he finally had enough courage or time to actually talk to you. He really liked how you guys shared many struggles, from trainee days and even today. “I really understood your struggles back then. Adjusting to a new country and lifestyle is really hard.” He said to you as he patted your shoulders.

Junmyeon would give out flowers every promotion you had. Even if your group didn’t win, you always get a bouquet from him. Your members started assuming that he has a liking on you.

Your family started to notice his actions as well. “Are you sure that Junmyeon isn’t courting you?” Your concerned father asked. He loves his unica hija (lit. unique daughter, in context: only daughter) too much to just let her go with a mere guy. He has to know more about Junmyeon before letting his child date him.

It seemed like everyone around you are just beating around the bush because of his actions around you. But all that was worth it as he went to your parents and asked them if he can court you. “Mr. and Mrs. (Surname), I like your daughter (Name). Can I court her?” He asked them. - The parents did not even question it since Suho is such a sweetheart

Junmyeon also started exploring more about the Philippines, knowing that his beautiful girlfriend is from the country. He would firstly look up at pieces of art made by Filipino artists (with the likes of Fernando Amorsolo and Juan Luna), it would be a bonus if you’re interested in art as well. Most of your conversations would end up being about you guy’s cultures and how the painters showed the message they want to put out there.

He would also end up being really curious about the language as well. I can see him trying to learning the language just for you. “Sobrang mahal kita, ikaw ang aking mundo” He says with a cute bashful smile. It still sounded different because of his Korean accent. You found it quite endearing that he will go through all this lengths to impress you and show how much he loves you.

Minseok

For Xiumin... hmm... it’s hard because I can’t really picture Xiumin with a Filipino girl or a foreigner in general. It’s not that he doesn’t like Foreigners, but I am very unsure about it. Like Kyungsoo, he is really into girls that are more traditional.

Like everyone else, Minseok would be really interested in your culture. The delicious food, the language you spoke. He would always listen to the way your voice shifted when you speak to him and to your parents. “Ma okay lang ako... nag-iingat naman po kami ni Minseok.” You spoke to your worried mother over the phone.

Although I can see him trying to actually learn Tagalog just for you. He would learn it in secret until he was fluent enough to tell you that “(Y/N) ikaw lamang ang aking mamahalin” and write you a whole essay on why he loves you just in Tagalog.

In music shows, like Junmyeon, he will send you lots of flowers because that is exactly where you guys met at. Every time your group had a comeback that was around the same time as his, he will always look at you and got the courage to sneak in his phone number.

Minseok texts you a lot, telling you if you got his flowers or if your parents approved of him. - Of course your parents approved of him, even saying that you grew up too fast as you now have a boyfriend. 

You guys haven’t had the time to be together due to his military enlistement, but as soon as he can hold his phone again, you were the one of the first people he messaged. “Sorry I haven’t talked to you” He said.

But out of all the EXO members, he gave you the sweetest confession at a park at night. “I want to say that I enjoy your company and I am thinking about my future with you.” He said to you as his hands cupped your face.

Yixing

I remember the time he said PhiliPENIS, this man right here lol. Anyway, jokes aside I think Yixing would be really interested in your culture. It is a bonus point that both of you are foreigners and are in the same industry. Like Suho, Yixing met you in one of those luxury parties hosted by fashion labels.

You immediately caught his eyes, the look you were wearing really suited you. The colors were beautiful, just like you. When the cameras aren’t rolling, this is where he would move. He would DM you via instagram and that is where you guys will start to talk. It went from simple “how are you?”, to the more complicated topics. You were his home, the place he would go to if he’s stress.

It would definitely be a bonus if you like doing music. You would be singing many of his demos so that he can really see if he did a great job. His source of inspiration is you as he stays late at night to compose something for him.

Even if you’re an idol, your relationship would still be long distance as he is in China and you’re in Korea, promoting with your group. (With some sneaky flights to China), “I miss you Yixing...” You smiled at him as you looked at the screen, Yixing is working hard in the studio.

“I miss you too... I wish I can hug you.” He said to you, his eyes somber as he looked at the screen of his phone, seated at his studio, working on a new song. Every time you guys kissed, hugged or touched each other, it felt more electrifying as you have never met him often.

Since he had always been a dancer, I can see him trying to learn Cariñosa (I had a dream like this aaaa), he would be really curious at the many dances the Philippines offered.

(Note: I have to cut the reaction for Yixing because I might get political and I don’t wanna get in jail anytime soon lol)

Baekhyun

I feel Baekhyun would be a bit more safer with a Filipino girl (given what happened to his ex-girlfriend). I can see him being with one as he was the one who came up with the Phixo name in the first place.

He would protect you so much to the point that he will not reveal you guys are together. With what happened to Taeyeon and to think that you are a Filipino idol, which means you are certainly the pride of your country. He would rather reveal you at the right time. (When will that be at this rate)

You met him at a music show while promoting his solo stuff. He really enjoyed your group’s performance as well. You became immediately his favorite member for your talent and eye-catching looks. He knew you already since debut and thought you were really pretty, but it took to another level when he saw you personally.

His jaw dropped at your looks, you were unique unlike any other idols. With his social skills, he didn’t hesitate to talk to you backstage and that is where you guys really took off.

I can see you and him are variety idols. - Reminds me of Heechul and Momo. You guys would always come up with the stupidest jokes. Bonus points if you are a gamer as well. You guys would always fight at the latest RPG games out there. “I beat your ass!” You said to him while laughing at his loss in the game.

Baekhyun would also sing songs for you (like Kyungsoo and Chanyeol). He would sing all your favorite songs in Tagalog just for you!!!! I am fangirling in the inside as I imagine Baekhyun singing songs to make you sleep aaaa He would also try to explore your culture as he would try out your favorite food as well. 

“Wow this thing tastes delicious!” Baekhyun remarked as he poured the soup over the rice. A smile formed in your face as he eagerly ate the food. You looked at him, lovingly observing him. You were glad he really enjoyed the food you made.

In later years, when he finally think that you will be the one that he truly wants to be with forever, he will choose to settle in the Philippines as the media and paparazzi there is not as crazy as the ones in Korea.

Chanyeol

For Chanyeol, I think you guys met through MC-ing, You guys were partnered up to MC a music show. Since your cute bickering in the music show aired on TV, your fans started shipping the two of you. It ended up with you guys talking more to each other backstage. Recommending songs and telling your problems to each other were the most topics of you guys’ conversations.

He ends up giving his number as you guys message each other more and more often. He was the first one to fall for you. Falling for the first time your eyes laid on his. You fell for him in no time, enjoying his company.

Because of you, he would listen to Filipino music. Particularly, I can see Chanyeol liking old Filipino bands such as Silent Sanctuary, Eraserheads, Parokya Ni Edgar, and Orange & Lemons. He would always sing their songs to you every time you guys meet. You guys would even have Karaoke nights where you just sing songs. “I heard Filipinos are good singers.” He told you as he handed out the mic.

You laughed as you started singing. - Obviously you would be a good singer as you debuted in an idol group and is a known kontesera (a woman who participated in many singing contests). He was charmed by how captivating your voice was.

You became the topic of many songs by Chanyeol. Your eyes, your loving words, your everything. - He loved every single part of it. Hell he can even dedicate a whole album just for how much he loves you and how you are an important part of his life.

You went to the Philippines to have your vacation. As you were enjoying your family’s company, suddenly you heard a familiar voice. You stood up from your couch and looked down at the window. “(Name)! This one’s for you!” Your eyes widened as you saw that it was Chanyeol.

Chanyeol started strumming his guitar. The view looked amazing, the stars twinkled, he looked ethereal as he looked up to meet your eyes.Your parents peeked with you as their heard his voice. “Uso pa ba ang harana?” He started singing the song with his low voice. He was singing Harana by Parokya Ni Edgar. 

Kyungsoo

People would be rather shocked as Kyungsoo is the type of guy to date a traditional Korean girl. But I can also see him truly appreciating a Filipina girl. He firstly found you quite weird because he

It was you who made the first move. Your group is promoting your comeback at the same time EXO was. You hesitantly sneaked your phone number into his sandwich. You watched him open it, as you thought he was going to throw the paper away, he didn’t. He kept it in his pocket and went along.

With his sweet voice, like Chanyeol, he always sang many Tagalog songs with you. (I remember the time when they sang ‘Hawak Kamay’ in the dream concert). Your parents would’ve approved of him quite fast, being such a good, well mannered man. He is the dream son-in-law for every parent 

Kyungsoo had always been so protective of you because of you being Filipino, you had a lot of supporters since rookie days. Your kababayan would be really dismayed if there was bad news about you. He wouldn’t like you to lose your career. (Even more if you’re supporting your family)

“After boiling the tamarind, what comes next?” Kyungsoo asked you as he was chopping the spareribs in the battered cutting board. He always does this. He makes random food from your childhood. One day it was adobo, the other day it was caldereta, now it’s sinigang na baboy.

You smiled at him as you spoke a reply, “The ribs.” You clung to him as you wrapped your hands underneath his apron. Wrapping him in a tight embrace.

Jongin

In the Filipino side of the fandom, affectionately called “Phixos” by Baekhyun, Jongin has been called a Filipino. It was because of his looks (his charming eyes, his tanned skin) and his frequent visits to Cebu. Some fans even jokingly say that Jongin would settle with a Filipino girl or along those lines.

It wouldn’t be a shock for the Filipino fandom that Jongin chose a Filipino girl. It would be something that they would even celebrate, the fact that Jongin dated a kababayan. (Fellow Filipino)

You guys met in a photoshoot of a local magazine. He was impressed with your modeling skills, despite you being a rookie in it. Of course, you were intimidated with him as he is the Gucci ambassador. Right after the rather sexy photoshoot, you guys gave each other numbers. You guys started DM-ing each other via Instagram.

Jongin would be just as interested in learning Tagalog than English. In your very long conversations, he would always talk to you in Taglish (Tagalog and English) so that you are more comfortable talking to him. Rather than him talking in long paragraphs of Korean text. He finds it amazing that you speak more than two languages.

Your leader would joke about you being awake at ungodly hours listening to Jongin’s honey voice as he tries to sing when you can’t sleep. Or sometimes it would be his heavily accented English or Filipino. You wouldn’t say anything, but everyone already knows. As soon as your magazine gets through publication, everyone would start shipping you guys together. Searching the deepest depths of the internet for ship-able moments for the two of you.

“I’ve been to Cebu two times last year.” He said to you, smiling as he showed some polaroids from his Cebu trip. Your handsome boyfriend was seated on the couch. You were just chilling in your own apartment.

“You’ve been to Cebu two times in one year?! I haven’t even been to that place ever!” Your eyes were wide with shock, you almost dropped the popcorn you were munching on. How can someone travel twice to a foreign country? - You thought to yourself.

Sehun

It was love at first sight for the maknae. As soon as he saw you passing by on a music show, he cannot take his eyes off you, following all of your available SNS. His eyes were glued at you as he sneaked his number on an Inkigayo sandwich. He was also your secret fanboy, cheering and supporting you while you perform. Sehun always congratulates you on every comeback/release, messaging you on Kakaotalk on how are you doing that time or saying that he’s happy for you.

As soon as you received his number, you cannot imagine that out of all people, it was Sehun from EXO who gave you his phone number. It was like a dream come true. After emptying out your schedule, you immediately called Sehun. - From there, you guys started talking and having feelings developed.

He started being more curious about Filipino culture all because of you. He started researching it in his free time. - I can see Sehun date a foreigner, so I think the culture is not really a hurdle for him. 

Surprisingly, you were the one who made the first move. Not Sehun. You confessed to him very confidently. But since the cultural difference, he hasn’t met your parents. As soon as your schedules were empty, you guys went to the Philippines to find your parents and introduce him to them.

Sehun was standing nervously in front of your house’s gate. It was his first time visiting your family. He was shaking to the point that he cannot even move. You looked at him in the eye and asked him, “Is anything wrong?” you asked as you pat his shoulders, calming him down.

“No, nothing.” He said as he shook his head as he held the bouquet tightly in his hands. Then you saw your mother that opened the gate. - They were more than glad that they get to meet your precious Sehun.

“Why didn’t you tell me that your boyfriend is this gwapo?” Your mom asked you as you laughed. Then, you entered the house with huge smiles on your faces.

[survivalphoenix]

introducing... JOMARY CABATU aka BUBBLES!

SEND HER COMMENTS OR MESSAGES NOW USING THE HASHTAG #RoF_BUBBLES !

personal information.

birth name: jomary may cabatu

stage name: bubbles

nickname/s: jm, jo, jomang, yeng (does not like it when fans call her this; it’s reserved for family and really close friends)

date of birth: june 30, 2001

current age: 19 (kor: 20)

place of birth: tagbilaran city, bohol, philippines

ethnicity: filipino (visayan)

nationality: filipino, korean

sexuality: heterosexual

height: 5′6″

possible positions (based on audition, past performance footage, and current information): main/lead vocalist, main/lead dancer, center, maknae

representative symbol: gummy bears

has been a trainee for: 3 years

language/s spoken: bisaya, korean, tagalog, english

miscellaneous information.

faceclaim: vivoree esclito

vocal claim: zhou jieqiong (kyulkyung)

rap claim: n/a

dance claim: vivoree esclito

audition song: “hey” - iu (cover) (link in source)

fun facts.

bubbles is an avid cosplayer. on her instagram, she posts cosplay, as well as fashion and art. 

her favorite book series since she was 14 is “the illuminae files” by amie kaufman and jay kristoff. she’s writing a mixed-media novel following the footsteps of “the illuminae files,” and she admits it’s hard not to draw inspiration from the idol lifestyle. she says that there are lots of interesting people she meets, and horrible people, that would make great characters in a sci-fi novel.

bubbles can speak fluent korean with a minimal accent, because she’s been here for 7 years.

her favorite food from her home region, visayas in the philippines, is chicken inasal. her favorite korean food is samgyeopsal (grilled pork belly bits). she used to restrain her intake of samgyeopsal, but now lets herself get lost in the fun of a samgyeopsal restaurant and order until she’s full. her one complaint is that it drills a real hole in her pocket to keep on eating samgyeopsal all the time. she has to be smart about cash, though her grandmother likes to say that no money spent on food is wasted money. 

she chose the stage name bubbles instead of the suggested ones, “summer” and “sunshine.” she says she didn’t want her cultural and ethnic heritage to be exoticized; there’s more to her than being from a tropical southeast asian country. “bubbles” alludes to a handful of things. one, her singing has been described as sweet as bubblegum as well as clear and bright, much like bubbles. two, she’s a bubbly person (and would very much not like to be sexualized at her age).

biography + audition under the cut.

trigger warnings: descriptions of ableism, mental illness, eating disorders, colorism, and racism.

biography.

jomary was born in tagbilaran, philippines, on the island of bohol. growing up, there was never any shortage of tall tales and myths; the visayans have a heritage of rich folk stories, after all. but jomary was more than just another listener: she could actually hear those creatures, and more. well, she believed so. “talawan,” they’d tease her. (coward.) if she was lucky, the word was affectionate. but sometimes, it was cruel, hurled at her with other sorts of barbs, if not downright physical harassment.

she was an odd duck. although her good grades and status as one of her class’s top swimmers kept her from being at the lowest of the popularity food chain, there was no denying that her peers found her weird and pathetic. many would rub salt in the wound whenever she lost tournaments; they’d joke about how she probably heard a siyokoy (a kind of malevolent creature in their mythology that pulls innocent humans from the water and kills them) in the pools, and that’s why she didn’t win, things like that. she heard them, and they knew she did, but they didn’t quite care. the worst part was that, in a way, it was true. her anxiety did not leave her, even when she was in her element.

at 12 years old, jomary and her single mother alyzza left for south korea after alyzza married a korean man, siwoo. when they arrived, jomary didn’t want siwoo to think that she or her mother were gold-diggers, as people loved accusing filipinos. sure, their life back in the philippines was less comfortable, but it didn’t mean that alyzza married for money. fortunately, siwoo was a good man who didn’t bear prejudices against southeast asians.

not everybody was the same. par for the course, bubbles was subject to a lot of colorism and racism in this new country. one of her saving graces was that she naturally had a petite build. her new friends in korea praised her for her incredibly small body. although they had good intentions, this actually exacerbated her self-loathing, especially when siwoo and alyzza encouraged her to audition for a kpop agency.

at 16, she was accepted. she was thin, but not thin enough. her trainers at the agency repeated her friends’ words and made them monstrous: you’re so thin! but you could be thinner. you should be thinner. jomary let herself be put on a harsh diet and the girl developed anorexia.

this was simple compromise, the girl reasoned. she refused to start bleaching her brown skin, as her company requested, so it was fair that she stopped eating so she’d become as thin as she could be. right? right? although her mother and stepdad loved her, they did not understand the gravity of the situation, especially because jomary was skilled at pretending that it wasn’t that severe.

and then, right before she was set to debut in a girl group in 2019, she lost on king of the masked singer. she didn’t even make it past the first round — how come, when her voice was sweet as bubblegum yet able to be solid and stable? well, the general public thought otherwise. she was shaking and her voice wobbled all throughout her performance. rumors hounded her and her company, accusing jomary of being high on drugs.

the people around her knew she wasn’t, however. particularly after she nearly fainted backstage. they took her to the hospital and then discovered that she had an eating disorder. after clearing up the scandal, her company kicked her out nonetheless. her trainee period halted. she was both relieved and miserable.

audition.

in an interview, bubbles shared that she felt as if she hadn’t been trained for three years. “this feels like a brand-new beginning for me,” she said. “i was awfully nervous until i realized that i feel revitalized by the fresh start that ring of fire has given me.”

she jaunted on to the stage and, true to her word, provided a performance that our panel found “refreshing.” one judge praised her lovely, crystal-clear voice.

“i’m sure that audiences around the globe will appreciate her cute charms,” remarked another.

“but we know she can do more. she was holding back, that’s evident. it will certainly pose a problem if she never learns how to conquer her nerves.”

[purplesurveys]

673

Language survey! I love when surveys have cute lil gimmicks like this.

Country? Howdy, I come from the Philippines. Do not recommend.

Do you have a second language in your country? I don’t think we have an official second language today. Below our two official languages (Filipino and English) we have hundreds of native languages spread out across different regions and provinces, like Cebuano – but none of them are officially second languages. I do know that for a time, Spanish was mandated by law to be our second language and it was even required to be taught in all schools, but it was scrapped quite some time ago.

How many languages do you speak fluently? Just two – Filipino and English. I can sometimes read Cebuano through context clues because some words sound very similar to Filipino, but I wouldn’t survive reading a conversation, much less a novel.

Does your language have words adopted from English? We have SO MANY. Filipino has admittedly been underdeveloped and neglected, and the country has always put much more effort in learning English under the belief that it would help us economically and compete in the global scene – it really shows the worst of colonial mentality. Unfortunately that meant our own language was put in the backseat, and a lot of people continue to put a lot of shame onto those who are more fluent in Filipino than English. A few examples: We usually refer to science as ‘siyensa,’ even though the native word for it is agham. Biscuit is just ‘biskwit,’ leader is just ‘lider,’ and gadget is just ‘gadyet.’ In essence, we use a lot of English words, just given the Filipino spelling to mimic how we would pronounce them.

Is English important for an individual in your country? Like I said, speaking in English is prized and more important than knowing and loving our own native language. It’s a result of nearly 400 years of being colonized by Spain, US, and Japan, and these countries’ efforts to eliminate any piece of native culture than we had left. By the time we gained independence, we’ve put so much pride in people who can fluently speak English, and embarassment to those who can’t.

What language you like speaking in? Not to sound like a hypocrite lmao but English. It’s easier to learn and more convenient to use, and consider it an effect of the aforementioned patronizing/excessive promotion of the English language over here. 

What’s your favorite language? Maybe Korean? It’s easy to understand and learn, and it has a very rich history as well.

What’s the native language spoken in China? Don’t they have a bunch of languages as well? I know the official one is Mandarin, but like us they also have other regional ones like Cantonese and Hokkien.

What’s the strangest language have you ever head? Don’t wanna sound racist/language-ist but if I absolutely had to answer this question, German has always sounded a bit strange to me haha. I think cos it sounds a little aggressive???

Do you wish your country has another language instead of the present one? Not really. I just wish more people appreciated Filipino. We have a beautiful native language, and I wish we were a little more proud of it.

What language do the neighboring countries of where you live speak? We’re an archipelago so we technically have no neighboring countries. But coming from an Austronesian region, the closest countries to us have languages that definitely have Malay origins.

What languages are spoken the most throughout the world? I know Mandarin is the most-widely spoken language, followed by English and then maybe Spanish? andddd I’m guessing Hindi is also somewhere at the top considering India’s population.

Do you know anyone who is monolingual? Aren’t a bunch of Americans? Hahahaha

Do you know anyone who is bilingual or multilingual? Nearly all Filipinos are at least bilingual.

Would you like to raise multilingual children? It honestly depends on where (geographically) I end up when I have kids. If I end up staying in the Philippines, I’d raise them the same way I was – learning Filipino and English. But if I end up migrating somewhere with a native language, I would encourage them to speak in all three. I definitely won’t make my kids forget their Filipino roots.

Can you think of some disadvantages of being monolingual? I’m not monolingual but I’m guessing it would be a pain to be in a country where most people are speakers of a different language. I’ve been to countries where people spoke zero English and it was sooooo hard to communicate and get to places then.

What other languages are spoken in your nation, including minority groups and the languages of immigrants? PH has a very rich culture and we have tons of regional languages, which include Tagalog, Cebuano, Hiligaynon, Ilokano, Maranao, Ivatan, several variations of Bikolano, Aklanon, Chavacano, Kapampangan, Tausug, Surigaonon, and literally a hundred more. My country is also a favorite for immigrants because of the climate and the cheap cost of living here, so we also have a healthy population of Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and Arabic speakers.

Do you think that a language other than English should be used as an “international language”? I know Mandarin is slowly racing to become a new lingua franca, but I’m already happy with English.

When you study a language, do you like to study reading, writing, speaking and listening? Writing. I want to make sure /I/ can apply it first before I read or listen to other people.

What dialects does your language have? There are so many dialects in our various languages. In Tagalog there are Batangueno, Marinduqueño, and Morong dialects; Cebuano has a Boholano dialect; and Bikolano has tons of dialects spread out in Bicol’s different municipalities.

What languages are spoken in:

Brazil? I’m gonna guess Portuguese. But I did think for a long time that their official language was Spanish lmao.

Mexico? Spanish. Hi, fellow colonizees!

Switzerland? Ok, I’m gonna take a wild guess with German because there’s a family from a show I watch – The Return of Superman (a Korean variety show that shows little kids bonding with their dads lmao) – that features a Swiss mom, and she and the kid solely communicate in German. I dunno the other major languages, though.

Australia? English, for the most part < Yeah, this.

Canada? I think French and English < Also this? Lane can confirm! Hahahaha

[lovingbjorn]

Ninety days. It is Bjorn's 90th day today and my body seem to have an internal alarm. Right after midnight, I started crying for no reason. I thought about Bjorn and checked the date. 90 days since I lost my son. A huge wave of grief just hit me. So today, I write to honor him by honoring those I am most grateful for.

Today I honor those who held my hand. Those who are not related to us by blood but have become family. And I honor those who gave me a reason to get up everyday and function. These people have stayed with me in my dark place and waited for me to come out and see the light again.

So in no particular order here they are.

Doogie, my bestfriend in HS. The first to come for me. The one who saw me first after that miscarriage. And the first in a lot of things in my life. Thank you for the beautiful words, for the sage, for showing me how to honor my son, for loving me when I truly felt unworthy and unlovable. For holding me when I felt like I am breaking apart. I cry until now when I think about that moment you walked into the hospital room. I thought, it has started. People seeing me at my lowest, at my most broken, it has become real... losing Bjorn. That you were there to mourn with me. And I could not have survived it if it was anyone else. I am glad it was you who came to me first. I am happy it was you who showed up and shared that first few quiet moments after that loss. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Darlene and Kento. Both have worked for me since Arkitekto Kolab days and they have been my biggest supporters in EVERYTHING. They have seen me fail and get back up, lose both my parents, and now Bjorn too. Darlene cries whenever I cried and of all my work babies I think it is she who has cried with me the most. Kento, whom I have loved too as my own, spends most of his time comforting me and Darlene. A true gentleman and friend. They were one of the few who I thought to call first when I lost Bjorn. And I did. Thank you Dardar and Kento for everything you have done for me and more.

Monique took care of me when I was hurting, she would show up during the oddest hours just so she can sit with me. And she has been my comfort blanket through all of this. Crying too when I cry, happy when she sees me happy. This girl has a good heart and I would want to see her truly happy because she deserves it so much. Thank you for being with me and sitting with me in the hospital, visiting Bjorn, or just trying to stay alive. I am truly blessed to have you in my life, Niq.

Jam who is on top of my list is not in the photos (for some reason, I don't have a photo of her). She is a steady and true friend. She has her own struggles with friendships but she did not let that stop her from giving and being a true friend to me. Jam, you have no idea how lucky people are to have you. And I am blessed too because you chose to stick around in my life. You came back for me and picked me up when I couldn't. You sat with me and ate peanuts with me in the hospital because it was the only human thing I can think of doing at that time. Yet, no matter how painful it was to hear me talk or see me in my darkness, you sat right there and chose to be with me.

Myk, you moron, leaving me! What am I going to do without you? Well, for a year at least. I tried my best to hide from you after the miscarriage because I thought I have told you sad stories enough. But you came with your love anyway. Accepting all my decisions, processing with me (even if I felt I did not need it), and loving me all the same even if I was being stubborn. I love you, you know that right? I am glad I have you. Please come back soon because who else would rescue me if I get stuck somewhere?

Diane (and Aiys - who is not in the photos) - my favorite brats in the whole world! Our friendship does not need to always have presence. I honestly thought I have lost you guys, but you reached out and I felt so relieved. I have lost friends along with losing my parents and Bjorn. Maybe because I secluded myself so much, maybe because it felt like I can't love anymore, or maybe because I did not want to lose anyone anymore. But in true brat fashion, you guys just snapped yourselves back in and I am all the better for it. I love you guys, immensely.

This kid volunteered to be my son. Roj. And my coach said Roj is in Bjorn's name inverted. And the more I think about it, the more I am glad I found my son in him. Roj is not a replacement, although admittedly, it was easy to see him as so. A few weeks after the miscarriage he came to me and said: "Can you be my mommy?" And boy did I cry. I agreed, of course. Who wouldn't? You see, this boy came out as bisexual during our LEAP journey and I over the weeks I found him to be a true gentleman, a hardworking kid, and a really good friend to all. I felt honored he even asked me to be his mommy. Moreover, I thought, if Bjorn came to be, I would want him to grow up and be like this boy. Thank you Rorow for calling me your mom. I needed that, it did help me get up. I had someone who was counting on me to get up and make something of myself. But more than being a son, you have been a great addition to my family. I can't wait for King and your sisters to finally meet you.

Vince and AJ. The brother and the Kuya. Vince started my LEAP journey with me and I will forever be grateful because if I wasn't LEAPing, I would have done horrible things to myself during the miscarriage. He brought me to people who saw the best in me in my worst. AJ has been with me since day 1 of grieving, he saw how broken I was even before I did and volunteered to sit with me through it all. These 2 are my most constant cheerleaders. Always rooting for me no matter what. Thank you guys, I never had kuyas but you two have been more than that to me. You guys saved me from myself. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Lionheart, Kelly, Pau, Mommy J, Lawrence the fallout (haha), Buddy Beng, and of course, my Coach, whom I love very dearly. Where do I even start? Shale, you are one hell of a woman. I don't know how you carried all of us to the finish line but you did. I love you guys with all of my heart. Thank you for loving the good, the bad, and the ugly in me.

My other Undaunted constants: Rai, Tim, Jeca, Ken, and Mau. Solid support. Grabe. Ang iyak ko parang hindi na maubos-ubos. And here I am speaking tagalog because of you lot. How do I even begin to thank each one of you? We had our crazy nights, and on my loneliest, andyan pa rin kayo. Mau, of course, is in this list because he is awesome. I am here for you guys, no matter what. In the very short time we have known each other, we have been in our most vulnerable, so bawal na unfriend sa atin. We know our worst secrets already! Hahaha

SPAM. I will never forget how you all gathered to just sit and have a drink with me. You all shared painful memories of your past when I clammed up and refused to talk for fear of ugly-crying in front all of you. But you talked anyway. It took all of my strength not to cry that night. So much so that I just burst into tears the moment I got home. I have never truly told you guys personally how I appreciate every single one of you. And I promise to take care of this friendship. I love you guys immensely. Hard to believe, but I really do. What started out as professional connection has become a full-blown friendship that I cannot undo and I refuse to undo. You guys are all blessings to me. I would have stopped being an architect, it is easy to just give up, but you guys are such a great support group, I don't know what I would do without you lot. Thank you, SPAM. I will always always always be grateful for you guys.

Chess and Kevin. My dynamic duo. Thank you for visiting me at home and allowing me to pour my heart out. Shen and Audie were there two. My A+KO babies just barged right back into my life unannounced when I was going through the toughest time in my life. I thought I didn't need it, but I am thankful now that you did. It reminds me to keep on doing good no matter how much I get hurt. Good intentions always sparks another. And I am glad I sparked something in you guys. When I needed to be reminded, you guys came at the right time.

Buck (who isn't in the photo), thank you for allowing me to grieve and go on my own. I owe you a lot. You will always be a brother to me.

And the other people in my life I failed to mention or post photo of bec of the 10-photo limit: Ate Jaqi, Doj, Shailoe, Jimbo, Jorge, Steffi, Karen, John, Miljo, Aya, Sheila, DJ, Yssa, Arvin, Yen, Kooks, & the arki thesis kids Jaje, Joseph, Apollo, Karl, & Alexa. THANK YOU. The old constant friend, the unexpected friend, the coaches, the work kids, the extended work kids, the mentees, the young architect hopefuls who seem to put so much hope in me... You guys have given me little sparks of hope everyday, giving me purpose to get up, reminding me of my good, helping me accept my not-so-good, and believing that I can be bigger than myself.

Thank you for sharing my grief and my sorrow. I am rebuilding myself everyday, and doing that has been made a little bit easier because you all exist in my life.

[babywarg]

ironstrange ficlet: Mahal Kita

Beginning Notes: It might have been obvious from past non-Ironstrange-related posts on this Tumblr that I’m a tiny bit of a language geek. I am not exactly very GOOD at languages, but I love them.

Taking advantage of that now to geek out on Philippine languages - my home turf.

***

"Mahal kita."

Stephen would occasionally mutter things to himself from the books he was reading. Sometimes it was for a spell, and a subtle glow or a flash of light or an ominous rumbling would emerge from his corner of the room.

Tony had learned to tune it out. Tune it all out.

Except for this one.

There were no glows, flashes or rumblings, but this one somehow made him snap to attention.

"What?" Tony asked, from his snug library armchair. He turned off his tablet and the tech journal he'd been reading on it on 3D display. He turned his full attention to Stephen.

Stephen, standing on one of the protruding platforms on the second floor of the Sanctum's library, blinked down at him.

"What?" Stephen said back at him. "I was just reading aloud."

"Yeah I know that." It wasn't a spell. Or was it? It was fascinating to Tony, though he wasn't sure exactly why. "What's that you're reading?"

Stephen glanced back at the leather-bound book floating in front of him. It wasn't too old for him to hold, lest his shaking hands drop it - but he still preferred to read most books by levitation. It was just neater.

"Oh...this? It's an etymology of Filipino incantations. Fascinating read."

"Okay. What was that you just said?" Tony was burning with curiosity. The words had done something to him; he was determined to find out what.

"Er...'I love you.' In Tagalog."

A tiny butterfly fluttered inside Tony's stomach. He chose to ignore it in favor of learning more about the matter.

"Tagalog? I thought you said it was a book on Filipino spells."

Stephen grumbled thoughtfully. "It's a somewhat lengthy explanation. Are you up for it?"

"Absolutely." The word slipped from Tony's tongue. That was different. He didn't usually enjoy Stephen going on and on about magic, the way he knew Stephen didn't enjoy him going on and on about tech stuff. They tolerated it in each other, but that just wasn't their point of connection.

It just wasn't like him.

But this one, he genuinely, really wanted to know.

So Stephen took him at his word, and began:

"I'm sure you already know that 'Filipino' has to do with the Philippines. But I don't know if you know that Filipino as a language only emerged recently - around 1935 - as a political effort to consolidate different language groups.* It was, in a way, an effort to create a spellcasting language that everyone could use. However, it complicated matters that the Philippines is an island nation, composed of many different tribes, each with its own unique ethno-linguistic group, and Tagalog is just one of them." He shut the floating book, addressed Tony directly. "You remember, I once said different language groups give birth to different spell syntaxes?"

"Yep," Tony answered readily. (He did not, in fact, remember. But he was impatient and didn't want to argue.)

"Right," Stephen muttered, smiling knowingly. He walked slowly, unhurriedly, to the top of the stairs. "What I said was, in brief: spells in the same dialect generally have the same effect - but spells in different languages have different effects, all of which are lost when a translation is attempted. The intent behind the words matter, and most language groups have the same intent across different dialects. So, making spells out of a mishmash of languages would necessitate bringing together similar intent. That’s where the challenge is."

As he walked, he magicked the book he was reading back into its designated shelf. He didn't need to refer to it, for the time being. He made a mental note to pick it up again later...perhaps after this conversation.

"There are many ways to say the same thing. As with other languages, small inflections subtly reflect differences in meaning and stature. 'Mahal kita' would be the less formal way of saying 'Ikaw ay mahal ko.' Take note also that 'mahal'** is even less formal than the Tagalog 'ibig' - which means both 'love' and 'like.' How can something that means both 'love' and 'like' be even more formal than something that exclusively means 'love'***? It's a mystery."

Stephen's eyes were shining. They usually did, while he was nerding out about magic stuff. Tony had become used to ignoring it.

But it was difficult to ignore it, this time, somehow.

Everything about Stephen seemed to shine, not just his eyes. From that time when he said those words. Those magic words.

"Now," Stephen cluelessly continued, "different languages have different ways of expressing the same sentiment. But if you are cognitive of the meanings behind these sentiments, you would be able to access the original intent." He squinted as he searched his memories. "So you can distinguish between the many different ways of saying the same thing. To wit, 'Mahal kita'...and 'Palangga ta ikaw'...'Ashemek ta ka'...'Ta ama yo contigo'...and the like, they mean the same thing, and yet, not exactly."

Oh, wow.

Even if they weren't spells, those words definitely had an effect on Tony.

A most pronounced, profound effect.

It made Tony rise from his chair, an undeniable stirring in his stomach, in his groin, that was definitely not just butterflies.

"Wait a minute...are we talking about love spells?" Tony set aside his tablet. "We're talking about the 'original intent' behind love spells?"

That question - and Tony's predatory stance on top of it - seemed to take Stephen aback.

"I..." Stephen cleared his throat. "I suppose...yes."

In a fit of playfulness, Tony laid a hand on his chest.

"Are you hitting on me, Mr. Strange? If that’s your intent, it’s working."

Stephen blushed. Fiercely. With no mercy.

If it was a spell, it was definitely something he had not intended to cast.

"I, uh..." He cleared his throat. Tony loved whenever he did that. He watched that precious Adam's apple swiftly bobbing up and down, that brilliant red spreading across his elegant cheekbones. "I'm just telling you about what I read, Mr. Stark. You can take it however you want."

Tony smirked.

"See how I understand it is this," Tony said, as he made his way up the stairs to the library's second floor platforms. "The Philippines, being an island nation, has a lot of languages. Each language has its own way of saying 'I love you.' Each language has its way of capturing you so you have no escape."

Stephen was about to protest. His Adam's apple said it. Tony had his eye on that damn thing all the while. It shuddered, and stayed in place.

Stephen shuddered, and stayed in place, watching Tony approach.

"What I want," Tony said, softly, in a low, husky voice, when he was finally near enough, gaze fixed this time on Stephen’s mesmerizing eyes, "is for you to tell me the way of saying it that you like the most."

If this had all been an elaborate spell, Stephen had been unaware of it.

And, at the same time, he was powerless to put an end to it.

Not that he would want to, of course.

His face was bright red, his breathing ragged, everything about him so viciously turned on, as he uttered "Gihigugma ti--"

But just then, Tony Stark shut him up, by smushing their lips together.

And soon, their tongues.

And soon, flinging their tattered self-control out the window.

If Stephen had been starting a love spell, he didn’t finish it. He didn't have to.

It had been cast on both him and Tony a long time ago.

***

End Notes:

* Bit of a touchy subject, and fic is not the right place to debate it. However, wanted to explore the idea that Pres. Manuel Quezon (interesting figure, central to an upcoming movie which i am excited for and hope international Netflix will pick up, have fun researching this dude!) had primarily intended to make a unified spellcasting language in 1935. That was the reason for it, yep.

** Since many Philippine languages are influenced by non-Philippine languages, there’s some speculation that "mahal" was derived from the Persian word meaning "home/abode/palace/resting place." Therefore, the original context of "mahal kita" might have been "you are where I rest."

100% not sure about this, but fun to think about, aye? :D

*** "Mahal" in Tagalog actually also means "expensive" or "dear (in every sense of the word)". But that probably wasn't mentioned in the book Stephen was reading. Or it was a spell warning he hadn't gotten around to reading yet :D

[nakalimutang-sumpaan]

🤔

Met ya in 2008.

You asked if I had someone, I said... kind of.

You took care of me on the ferry ride to the convention when I was seasick. Handed me some essential oils to sniff, assuring me that it would help because you usually have the same problem and that’s why you brought it with you. But you offered it to me and said I could use it and that you’ll just try to sleep it off. I said that we can switch off but you insisted and said that you already put some on your temples and underneath your nose so you were fine. Honestly it really helped a lot. You constantly checked up on me too. Your Kuya made sure that you were checking up on me as well. You introduced me to friends and showed me around the convention center. We even took a group pic together, which I hope to find soon. Your mom/parents both claimed that I was like their daughter/the daughter they wished they had, and they said that in front of my parents. You smiled at their approval. I freaked out a bit. Mostly because Kuya said you and your family might have certain intentions, but also because it was all happening so soon, and I KIND OF had someone... but also, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear. I remember me catching you look at me a certain way several times, and when I looked at you puzzled once, you giggled and I laughed, and you said, “What a beautiful smile Alda has!” I remember writing it down on a piece of paper... which I have yet to find. You interested and flattered me, but I had my guard up, especially because Kuya said what he said. Also, you said I was pretty but that I was fat hahaha. And as nice as it felt being around you, my mind just kept saying naaaah. Especially because you were dark and fob 😂... unaware that fob would eventually end up being my type at one point.

2017, saw you again. You recognized me but hesitantly came up to me because you weren’t entirely sure. Asked me if I was Alda lol and if I remember you. I said OF COURSE. You asked how I was... and if I was engaged. HAHA. I said nah, you said, “Oh okay that’s good. Me too..” and I thought, “I didn’t ask but okay.” 😂 “...But it’s okay because I’m busy with spiritual things. Let’s make the best of our singleness, yeah?” “Yes, exactly!” Caught up a bit. Again, made a comment about how pretty I am, yet so “healthy”. Your English improved, and it warmed my heart to see how seriously you took your privileges and hear your comments. But I still thought... NAH. Observed that several girls were definitely eyeing you though, and how close you were to a couple of them.

2020. I sign on to support and you’re the chairman. Your prayer, my dude... nice. Your COMMENTS, MY GUY, NICE. YOUR ROOM/BACKGROUND DESIGN WITH THE ART/MUSIC/UKE WALL... NICE. The friends asked you to play “the guitar” behind you and sing, but you said that it wasn’t a guitar, it’s a uke. Eventually caved in and stood up to grab an actual guitar... started singing and got the friends to sing. MY HEART. Supported again a week later, signed on and you’re being more yourself and speaking Tagalog, being silly trying to help the chairman unmute himself, and I could tell you were more yourself since it was just your cong and the Portuguese group, instead of 4 congs this time. The first thing I heard was Jethro say, “Thank you for singing for us!” I was pretty bummed that I missed it. Lowkey noticed how American you were trying to sound after I signed on. Still had a bit of the accent though. But I can tell Jethro’s accent has rubbed off on you and Kuya, because there’s a bit of British in there. Also, I have no idea if you were looking at me, out of 20 of the early ones, but that look on your face looking at a specific spot on the screen for a good minute was very familiar. Hahaha. Mom keeps shipping us which honestly irks my soul. I ended up seeing her message to Kuya and basically told him sana kami since he’s so cute and whatever. I told mom I’m not about to date one of Kuya’s friends again because I didn’t want to upset him again. I told her that’s what Ate Jane told me that Kuya told her. I didn’t find out until several years later how angry he was at the both of us, and that’s why he treated me the way he did because I’m the one he could take it out on. Seriously. I keep saying if I were to whatever reason date one of my brothers’ best/close friends, the dude better talk to them first and ask for permission and make sure it’s absolutely okay.

Anyway, it just makes me wonder if anyone else has ever had several encounters with someone over the years and eventually start seeing them in a different light, or notice that the more you catch up, the more in tune you’ve become with one another even if you haven’t kept in touch at all?

Strange how that works.

[scrambledgegs]

Dead Kids

     Filipino indie film, Dead Kids is more than your stereotypical coming-of-aged type of movie. The film centralizes around a group of middle to upper class, private high school students who conspire together and hatch an amateur plan to kidnap the resident school bully. By kidnapping him and holding him for ransom for Php 30 Million, they will be able to kill two birds with one stone – get even and teach their tormentor a lasting lesson, and secondly, get their hands on a hefty sum of money for personal reasons.

  In this respect, only one of the kidnappers seemed to have “the most valid reason” because unlike the other students in the private school, he is the only scholar and in “real” need of money to pay for college and other basic necessities. In fact, he resorts to various “rackets” just to keep financially afloat. He is constantly marginalized and unaccepted by his peers at school. This aspect of the movie also highlights social divides that plagues the Philippines as well, and is exacerbated by growing issues of entitlement among the wealthy and privileged.

As the movie unfolds, as expected, the group collectively bungle the kidnapping operations; they destroy families, dreams and lives. The movie is both comedic and tragic – which is why it really resonated with me. It is very real.

    What struck me the most was the formulation and execution of the whole plan – the scenes and dialogue hit close to home. I recalled my younger school-kid self, as well as my peers back in the day. We conversed very similarly, in a mix of Tagalog and English and used slang words. We also had the same, typical encompassing adolescent problems, the usual things like – school, grades, barkada, relationships, peer pressure, gimikan and yes, vices.

     The dark and stark difference however is that these kids are beyond your average group; they are quite scary. They are made of different stuff – they are very much alive, but at a young age, already seem dead inside, devoid of morals and values. To even think about kidnapping a classmate is one thing, but to actually have the resolve to execute the plan is really frightening. At one point, you will feel sorry for the kidnapped bully, despite what he has done to them individually in the past scenes. Adults are also hardly present in the movie. It is as though these kids live in a warped world with no authority and supervision. Mind you, this movie is based on actual events that transpired in 2018 among university students in Manila. The movie will really make you think about then and now, and the factors which are pushing our youth over the edge.

The Age of the Internet of things: Anxiety, Depression, Violence and Envy

    Dead Kids touched on many prevailing themes faced by our generation today – specifically by Millennials and now the Generation Z (Gen Z). Over and over again in the movie, social media was shown to play a disastrous effect on the psyche of these kids, mirroring what is happening in real life today. At a click of a button and swipe of fingertips, everyone knows what everyone else is doing because of social media, and that makes people compare themselves to others. This continuous, 24/7 exposure breeds anxiety, depression and envy – especially for young people who are unable to compartmentalize or differentiate social media lives from reality. Affected young people feel like they are just not good enough, as compared with for example: a classmate who has topped the class with the highest grades, or their athletic friend who has won a championship title, or another colleague who possesses the latest designer clothes, or an affluent friend who recently took a trip to Europe over summer vacation. They want to achieve or get their hands on the same things as quickly as they could, so that they too can post and boast about it online. Social media encourages instant gratification, and many of our young people forget the value of hard work and replace it with what they will call “passion” – in the form of unsteady and capricious whims. As a business professor of mine said, this generation is concerned “with reaching only the summit, but forget about the climb.” This could not be any truer.

Cyber-Bullying and Disconnection

    Let us also not forget the issue of cyber-bullying. As shown in Dead Kids, one of the kidnappers recalls how the resident bully is able to bully him in all mediums – physically in school, as well as online, in front of everyone, and get away with it. Those on the posting-end, who receive numerous likes, views and comments, feel as though their online taunts are encouraged and justified, and those as the object of cyber-bullying, feel as though they deserve this treatment. What makes it even worse is that nobody is really held accountable. You can easily see how this can make one spiral downwards in self-loathing and anger. It does not come as a surprise that the recent literature today speaks of significantly increasing rates of depression, aggression, anxiety – and even suicide among the youth. Another matter hand-in-hand with this are issues on personal connections, or the lack thereof. Why does it seem that young people today feel like they have no safe space or outlet to talk about what they are really going through? We have heard this before: that the more we are connected through the cyber world and technology, the more we have become disconnected in our actual and personal relationships.

Narcissism and Materialism

    There was also a memorable scene in Dead Kids during the drop-off of the ransom money at the agreed location. (The location happens to be real-life bar called 2020, in Pasong Tamo where I have been to a couple of time before, and coincidentally today is 02.20.2020). The ransom money is put together by the victim’s father, an alleged drug lord, and he places the money in a designer bag. The moment the bag is plopped in the center of the dance floor, amidst the blazing trap music and flashing neon lights, many girls race for it, not knowing its contents. The scene was done really well, and you just think to yourself, “Wow, have we really become this materialistic and shallow, that we would physically fight over a designer bag?” In turn, the raucous compromises the whole operation, and one of the girls is held at gunpoint.

The Death of a Nation

    I would go so far to say that I believe there is a breakdown of values in the Philippines and in the world today. We can blame social media, but ultimately, we also have to look inwards at ourselves.  Sometimes, we too propagate social injustices with our simple, unconscious actions.

    Our leaders as well have a responsibility. Unfortunately, the highest leader of the land, our incumbent President has not personified anything substantial to be emulated, but we are either gripped with fear, indifference or blind loyalty and let things be. Regarding his character alone, on TV for instance, our children watch our President curse and drop profanity in every statement likes there’s no tomorrow. They will grow up thinking that this is totally okay and cool, and then we wonder why we have dead kids. It is because we are becoming a Dead nation.

    Moreover, he has made rape jokes, sexist and sordid comments against women, demeaning statements against Pope Francis and the Church, but his supporters continue to make unfounded excuses for this behavior. Our journalists and media as well are being silenced with real threats – to livelihood and life. Those who attempt to speak out are punished without due process and are ridiculed in a dehumanizing manner – Senator Leila de Lima being the biggest example of this. Most importantly, he continues to justify his drug war and extra judicial killings through conjured up data and convoluted truths. Have we lost our sights on human rights, life and God? These scenarios seem all too familiar.

Parallelisms to Martial Law of the Marcos Regime

    We can draw many softer parallelisms of what is happening today to the atrocities of Martial Law under the 20-year Marcos dictatorship. Filipinos are truly quick to forget or love to choose to be ignorant. What I find truly unacceptable, that in this age where information is abundant and easily accessible, turns out many Filipinos, not just among the younger Millennials and Gen Z groups, but actually older people too, have a skewed version of Martial Law. They think it was a Golden Era of discipline and crime-free streets, not knowing about the countless and undocumented people who were imprisoned, murdered and tortured. To say the least, some do not even know Martial Law once existed in the Philippines. This ignorance and lack of information is not limited to just the uneducated, but persists even among private school educated Filipinos. Apparently, this part of Philippine history – Ninoy Aquino, Martial Law and the 1986 Edsa People Power Revolution is not really taught or emphasized in our education system. It is truly a tragedy because we Filipinos were the victors of this miraculous, peaceful revolt which ultimately toppled Marcos, and yet we have not been able write history as it should be.

    President Duterte was elected because he sold the idea that the Philippines can only be great again with an “iron-fisted” leader, the same dream that Marcos peddled to the Philippines. Today with President Duterte at the helm, the myth of the iron-fisted leader is again debunked, and now is an unfolding tragedy.

The Importance of Real, Personal Relationships

    The movie’s title, I’d like to believe, is a comment on the actual reality of extra judicial killings happening in the Philippines today, but the movie also tells us that being a Dead Kid means more than the literal sense. Perhaps we’ve all felt like a dead kid at some point in life. I personally know what it felt like to be one; I can say that I have felt it twice in my youth. I had lost my way, my purpose and felt dead inside. But what helped me conquer my demons? It was my support system composed of my family and various groups of friends. During my most vulnerable and weak moments, they had been there all along and instilled the strength I needed to bounce back. Very importantly as well, they were real friends who had the courage to intervene and tell me to my face when I was becoming the worst version of myself. You need these types of people – or you will really go through life thinking, either that you are completely alone or completely invincible.

    Many years later, now that I have a daughter, I know that I cannot shield her completely from the problems of the world, but I hope I can truly imbibe one of the most important qualities – and that is resilience. I know that like me, she will fail at things. She will get hurt. She will be rejected, at times, for no good reason. However, I want her to be tough, to be brave and rise to the occasion when needed. Giving up is not the answer. She must also remember to always be kind, fair and have integrity despite how unbelievable people can be. We are all dealt with a different deck of cards in life, but to be able to achieve that winning hand lies in you.

Generation Alpha

    Analysts have dubbed the Generation Alpha (Gen Alpha) as the generation that will succeed the Gen Zs. They are those born in 2010 up until the year 2025, supposedly the “children of the Millennials,” our children. I think about this movie Dead Kids, and then I think to myself that I do not want my daughter and our generation’s children to grow up with fractured values and distorted principles. Don’t you want to handover to your children, a world that you can be proud of?

    I am no expert, and I am no Mother Teresa, but I do know that as early as their formative years, we must be conscious and deliberate about the things we say and do – because they will mimic what they see. We must teach them what is morally wrong, even if it is deemed okay by society. The family unit is the very first thing that a child knows – so us as parents, or as older people wizened by life experiences, truly have that responsibility to set a good example. Education is also key for political consciousness and value formation.

    Like I said earlier, when I was going through tough times in my youth, what made all the difference were my family and friends. I was lucky enough to have grown up with the right group of friends – those that had a positive influence throughout my entire life. It was never about material things, but rather what was intangible and essential.

     We have to be very present and visible in our children’s lives – but to also give them sufficient space to grow and make mistakes. Of course, it is easier said than done – but the growing demographic of dead kids, both literally and figuratively, is today’s reality. I do not want to wake up one day and find that we have turned our children into Dead Kids.

[dearatejannah]

Hey Ate 😅 Firstly, thanks for bringing me along to all of your family adventures this weekend. For someone who met me briefly last year, you made me feel just like one of your own family in my short time here :) As your dad always says, “Thank you very much! I appreciate!”

I wanted to sit down with you and talk a bit longer about your upcoming venture into The States. But I wasn’t sure if there was time with your flight today.

I really only had three questions for you:

1)Do you love what you do?

2)Do you love who you’re working for?

3)Do you trust yourself and in God?

I think question #1 is important because the path of nursing is not simple or easy by any means. You, more so than I, have seen first hand how demanding the profession is. So I don’t have to reiterate how strenuous the job can be. But there is a fulfillment in helping those in need. So if you truly believe this is your calling, the switch from the ICU life to the nursing home/bedside nurse life will be easier. And if you don’t see yourself as nurse in the near or far future, that is ok too. I can’t stress that enough. No one is forcing you to undertake this profession. No one is forcing you to stay in the US. You always have a choice. Saying “No” is always an option and is not quitting. No one will ridicule you for deciding not to pursue this road. But if you believe this what you are meant to do, that will help you go so far dear cousin.

Question 2 was to figure out where your motivations reside. I’d imagine that first and foremost, your sisters and your parents are the core incentives for why you work so hard. When the going gets tough (and it definitely will) I want you to remind yourself not just why you do what you do, but who you are grinding day and night for. Keeping them constantly in sight will be the shield that guards you on the hard days and the drive the propels you on the good days. You are so very blessed to have a surrounding cast of Joanna, Jehann, Jaie, Tita Jaida, and Tito Mike beside you. I know you’ll never let them out of reach. So constantly remind yourself who you are doing all of this for. That is where you will find your inspiration, through the tough work days and the chill ones too.

The third question is kind of tricky because you are a very humble person. I know the first thing you’ll do is give credit to God (and rightfully so). But do not sell yourself short, Ate Jannah. In conjunction with the Lord, you put in the time and effort to sharpen your skills to become the nurse you are today. God will always see how hard you work. But it’s very important the you commend yourself too. Self-love is so crucial to this next adventure you will undertake. I have no doubts in your faith in God. I just want to make sure you have the same trust in yourself and your abilities for the road to come. If you have conviction in both yourself and in God, there is nothing out of reach for you to achieve. And if you have a tough time finding motivation in yourself during your stay with us in New Jersey, just know the likes of me, Tita Minda, Tito Zaldy, Ate Riz, Paxton, and so many more people you haven’t even met yet all believe in you. No pressure though! You have nothing to prove to us. We all trust your skills and your faith. So if you can remind yourself just how awesome you are, you will do just fine when you make your way over from Singapore.

In situations like the one you are about to go through, I always go back to this verse:

Romans 8:18

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Tough times are inevitable. But they are not without purpose. I love this verse because God was very specific to mention that the glory is to be revealed within ourselves. That despite the turbulence around us, we will always find peace and triumph within us. Not anywhere, not in someone else, but within us.

Although! That doesn’t mean you have to live this life alone.

When you make your way from your side of the world towards mine, I’m going to do everything I can to help make your transition as seamless as possible.

I already spoke with some of my nursing school classmates who work in New York in surgical ICU settings about future openings. And if you still want to veer in that direction in the future, the path is there for you. If not, that’s ok too!

I’ve been researching if there are any branches of Life Group present in the New Jersey/NYC area. So far, I’ve been getting weird results that definitely do not resemble the community you’re active in at Singapore 😑 Through your IG stories, I can see how large a role God plays in your life. So if Life Group is something imperative to you finding your footing in New Jersey, I will search much harder to make sure you have a place to continue your growth with God.

There is a community called Bukas Loob sa Diyos (BLD) in New Jersey that is rich in both its Catholic roots and its Filipino heritage. I’m actually a member of it so you wouldn’t be going in blind. I can vouch for BLD and say it has enriched my life for the better. The people there are so accommodating and empathetic no matter where your faith is. They won’t force you to see their POVs on religion nor will they push you to do anything you’re uncomfortable doing. People from different walks of life and even those from different faiths have gone in there and thrived. I’m not sure what religion you associate yourself with (Catholic, Baptist, Born Again, etc) so I don’t want to unknowingly cross any boundaries on where your faith resides. Just know the BLD community, though Catholic in its foundation, welcomes all walks of faith and will not judge or exclude you for believing in way that differs from theirs. It’s actually welcomed! Since it gives a more holistic approach on how best to find God in our lives. If you come in with an open heart and an open mind, that’s more than enough. And as with everything else, you can say no to this too!

In terms of work, you won’t be alone. Tita Minda will be there every step of the way. Ate Riz will be around as well. In my not so humble opinion, I would consult with Ate Riz first on anything lol. Nursing wise, Tita Minda is a genuine master. But Ate Riz has a perspective of a child born in the 90s so she is much more approachable :) She speaks Tagalog too! And much better than me 😅 So there shouldn’t be a language barrier to deny you any insight she can provide you with. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. The nursing team in the place you will be at in Inglemoor is a true team. They will help you find your place and excel as you continue your nursing career.

I’ve spoken with your mom/Tita Jaida and she’s told me how much of a nomad you are. So I would imagine that being grounded in the States for a bit will be one of the more difficult things for you to adjust to. But if there’s anything you want to do or anywhere you want to go within US borders, I will take you there no questions asked. You’re going to have to forgive me for not being as adventurous as you though. I’m a tad bit lazy haha. But I want to make sure that you are as comfortable as possible. So whatever it is you want to do, I’ll hop out of bed and take you wherever your brave heart desires.

I know how close you are to your family. So being State side for a while without being able to visit them as frequently as you do now will take a toll. But I’ve spoken to my mom/Tita Minda about this particular situation. She is more well-versed in the logistics of it all but what she essentially said is that once you have enough time and good work accumulated, petitioning your parents to come to America will be much easier and quicker than you might expect. It will be a different challenge to get your siblings to come to to the States. But in time, they’ll be able to make their way here given some time. But Tita Minda was very optimistic that it won’t take long for your parents to follow you to the USA. So being homesick shouldn’t be a problem in the near future 😬

Before I wrap this up, I wanted to give you one last bit of Kuya Johny insight 😅

Among everyone I’ve come across in my visit here, you are the one who most closely resembles Lola Inang. Even back home in Jersey, no one really compares to our dear Rosita. It’s so uncanny how much you are like her! And I can say that without bias because in her final year of life and throughout her stay sa States, I was around her the most. On top of the infinite light and joy in her heart, Inang had an unmatched level of selflessness that I have not seen in anyone. Until you.

I don’t want this to be misinterpreted because Inang is alive everywhere I look. Her selfless persona is apparent in my mom, her joking nature shines in your dad, her maternal nurturing in Tita Wida, and so on and so forth. All Inang’s children carry a piece of her that I’m so blessed to be in contact with. And she’s alive and well in her grandchildren and great grandchildren too!

But in terms of someone who both acts and lives like she did, you most closely resemble her ☺️

You have the same heart of a child that Inang did. Even at the age of 85, she never acted her age 😂 And neither do you lol. All the attributes Inang had are shining bright in you Jannah: The light in her heart, the joy she exuded in her life, her selflessness with her friends and family, her courage through difficult times, and her endless trust in God. Rosita Mendoza Malonzo was a special one, a genuine child of God. And you have every single one of those traits in you. They really don’t make many of those. Only in the Philippines 😅

Jokes aside, it’s because of everything I just mentioned that I have no doubt that will thrive in America. Not just survive, but THRIVE.

If you ever need help or need someone to talk to, I’m always available. Tita Minda and Ate Riz are always around as well. We are all here for you. Just say the word and we’ll do our best to help.

Take care Ate 🙃 I’ll speak with you soon.

Love your tall, shy, poor-Tagalog-speaking cousin,

Johny