#I STILL HAVE -ANY- TIME/ENERGY FOR ART AND THATS WHAT MATTERS TO ME!!! I WILL CONTINUE TO MOVE FORWARD

[red-dyed-sarumane]

i draw to draw & not exactly for results. i mean sure i have an end goal in mind for things but its not really about that. so. i generally just assume people will see the art & look at it for all of 20 seconds maybe go 'neat' to themselves & maybe hit like & thats it. i dont expect it to particularly catch any interest that anyone would save it and especially not something anyone would come back to look at frequently. i dont even look at my own stuff much after its done (usually) how can i expect others to. its not even a sad thing for me i appreciate those 20 seconds of consideration & every like i get. to think it means more to people is always deeply surprising

[scatterpatter]

i got FIVE ATTACS DONE IN 24 HOURS

i wanted to do at least 10 this month but THATS OKAY ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING

i am DOING MY BEST and THATS OKAY

IM ALSO GETTING TRANSITIONED TO A NEW THERAPIST SO IM DOING MY BEST

[drchucktingle]

non-dysphoric soul

i am not a religious buckaroo and dont think i ever will be. this universe is so wonderful and my life so blessed that idea of needing something more does not make any sense to me. what we KNOW about existence already takes my breath away, i do not need the unknown. i am so happy and thankful as is

HOWEVER i am also curious and while i do not NEED the grand unknown i find it exciting and romantic sometimes. i FEEL it in art, and i am not arrogant enough to think 'i know everything'. i do not. so there is a door within me that is open to something spiritual for lack of a better word.

lately i feel the door opening wider and wider and while i think most folks think of my agnostic trot as a sort of SIDEKICK to atheism, to me it is really its own thing that has plenty of room for thoughts of 'well maybe there is something more? i do not know so lets bask in it and see what happens'

i think single most important part of my journey as spiritual buckaroo has been self reflection and personal understanding of my own non-dysphoric transness. which is interesting because i think some who CLAIM to be spiritual in the specific american christian sense have a large anti-trans history

and it makes me think ‘kinda wild that you can believe in a soul that is distinct from all the firing neurons and churning cells of your body, some separate trot outside of known matter and energy, and then claim that this soul ALWAYS ends up in a correspondingly gendered slot?’ couldnt wires cross?

REMINDER i am not a religious person. i am not sure if there is a soul out there that defies any sort of quantifiable trot. maybe this SELF i feel is just electrical currents of a brain trying VERY HARD to convince itself of something more. the jury is out. ITS OKAY. in fact the mystery is beautiful

over time, i feel like i get hints from the jury, one or two heads poppin out from the jury chambers to wink and say there is something more. A SOUL. whether that soul is a wonder of science of a wonder of the great beyond will probably never be answered. that is just fine with me. i do not need it

point is, my understanding of my own self and my non-dysphoric trans way can BEST (maybe ONLY) be described in terms of a soul. i have no desire to change, no dysphoria, no plans. it has never had a impact on my life and very likely never will, but feeling is true. id be lying to say otherwise.

so with all the politics around gender and who can identify as what and on and on, i find myself saying ‘well my soul is this, and my body is this, and that is fine. i love my body and i love my soul and they happen to be two different trots’. its easy to miss the SOUL part of that conversation

'A SOUL?' i suddenly think. 'WHAT THE HECK? YOU DONT BELIEVE IN SOULS'. and i have to remind myself, ‘well you dont believe in anything really, you DONT KNOW’ and while most see this proclamation of not knowing as being closed off to all things, i see it as being open to all things

and i am grateful. how lucky that this rare sensation of soul and body disconnection could happen TO ME? because it declares THERE IS A SOUL. i know to others the trans journey is hard and i dont want to diminish that. it can be pain it can be torture. but thats not my story and theres room for all

because every day that i notice MY disconnection between body and soul is a day i get to reach into the great beyond, into the vast cosmos, and feel around for a while. i still do not expect to find anything, but DANG is it fun. and DANG is it exciting to be alive in a way that proves love to myself

[kimaswork]

A challenge. That was your solution. So many men in Sumeru wanted you for your beauty, so what was a young witch like yourself to do? Thats when you saw a stray cat in the distance and an idea hit you.

Putting up a notice on the commission board, you wrote that whoever could get a bell from a stray black cat, would be given the chance to date you. A simple challenge right? No.

For there was a catch- you were the cat.

Being a witch, a chaos witch in particular, you weren’t restrained to any rules in the magic world. Other witches like Mona, are bound to astral magic. But you could use any kind you wished with bor limits. Chaos was yours to wield and that involved having all the magic arts at your disposal.

There were many attempts made as men dashed, leaped, and chased after you. Some even resorted to traps, of which you were displeased with as you occasionally tripped just for the fun of it. You snickered as you watched the men exasperatedly groan as their traps were found empty or torn to shreds.

In full honesty this was more for your entertainment, but having the males leave you alone was a major bonus.

One day you saw a tall male with large fennec fox like ears wander into town. He gathered supplies and stopped by the board, most likely because your commission was the talk of the town. His ears perked as he saw your picture on the commission,Like all the others, your beauty captivated him, and that was when he decided to take part.

A few weeks went by as you tricked the men of the city. But only one caught your eye. The green stripes in his hair mesmerized you, seemingly glowing in the darker areas of the underground market.

You saw him disabling traps that once were laid out for you. Seeing him do this made your heart melt. He seemed to really care for the condition the cat, well, you. He was rather kind, kind enough that he tried to feed you at times. Unlike the other men around, Tighnari, as you had learned was his name, was a sweet soul. As you observed him work and continue with his duties when he wasn't gaining your trust. You found he was both a forest ranger and a healer of sorts.

His smile was like a sweet treat. His voice smooth and calming to your ears. You knew he was the one when he kneeled down before you and gently pet you, not even going for the bell that laid on the collar.

You leaned into his hand, enjoying the attention of the sweet man. It was at this moment that you had made up your mind, you'd choose him.

The only problem? You only had to get him to take the bell. The challenge you once set for the men was now a challenge for you. He didn't even seem interested in the bell, only you.

Time and time again he seemingly didn't notice the bell. No matter how many times he stroked your soft fur, gentle fingers grazing the collar, he neve took the bell.

Growing mildly impatient you sook him out each time he returned to the city. As he was in the markets, you found him and sat beside him. Only moving to follow him around the area. You nipped your sharp teeth at his puffy pants to get his attention.

Your efforts only brought a smile to his face every time he gazed down at you.

;&───⇌• :🌷: •⇋───&;

After nearly a month of trying to get him to take the bell you grew impatient. Deciding he was the one and you were going to have him.

In your natural form you decided to approach him whilst he was in the city collecting supplies. If he wouldn't take the bell then you would just take him, simple as that.

But before you could even get in a word he turned from his trade and saw you. "Why hello there, you must be ____." His cheery tone took you by surprise. It was still so early, yet he seemed to have all the energy in the world.

"Yes, that's me. And you are Tighnari, correct?" You asked, if only to keep up a more formal appearance rather than admitting you had essentially stalked him while in cat form.

"Correct. Can I help you?" He asked, his sweet smile curling his lips. "Ah, yes." You replied, clearing your throat as you put your mind back on track. "I was um..."

God, how were you supposed to ask him out? Technically this was your first time meeting. Speaking with him only now seemed difficult.

His head tilted and his large ears flopped to the side as he looked to you expectantly. You cleared your throat once more. "Ahem, I was wondering if you would perchance go on a date with me?"

Your hands clasped behind your back as you looked to your feet bashfully. Hearing a snicker you looked up to him.

"I was wondering how long it would take for you to ask!" He chuckled, leaving you confused. Was he so confident in himself that he knew you would want him? Or was there something he knew and you didn't? Before you could say anything more than a soft "How?" He began to explain.

"Your scent, I knew you were that cat. Despite the form you take your scent remains the same." He states matter-of-factly. "O-oh..." You mumbled thinking you should have seen that coming.

"So is that a no?" You inquired sadly, feeling your hopes begin to fall. "Of course not! I would love to go on a date with you." He chirped. Heart soaring you looked up to him. "Really?!"

He responded with a nod before setting his hand on your head, giving it a gentle ruffle. "Of course, I'd love to." You grinned from ear to ear as he spoke his next words. "I'll pick you up tonight around 7, sound good?" Words falling short, you nodded happily.

"Alright then, I'll finish up here and see you tonight." He said as he waved you goodbye. You returned the gesture as you waved him off and returned to your home, preparing your best outfit for the night.

;&───⇌• :🌷: •⇋───&;

That's all for today, wrote this while in the psychward lmao.

Send in a request if you have any ideas for me to write!

Have a lovely day babes ❤️

[wiltkingart]

Do you have any advice on how 2 not overwork a drawing? Over-detailing my art (to the detriment of the final result) is a big weakness of mine, and ive been working on it lately, but simplifying my art is way harder than I thought itd be. I keep getting stuck in a mentality that less detail = less effort, even though all my struggling should prove that isnt true lol. & I almost always like my simpler drawings better, even though that makes me feel kinda lazy…as long as it’s fun tho, right? [1/2]

I’m asking here bc one of the things I adore about your work is how confident and striking your paintings feel. I really admire the way colors and shape language interact in your art…I always want to keep looking to see what I can find hidden in the details, but they don’t take away from the main focus of the image. How do you manage to strike that balance? [2/2] (sorry for the long question lol)

honestly this is still something i struggle with at times! but some things that have helped me are:

- identifying which parts i tend to overwork the most. for me thats faces so i have made it a conscious habit to render faces last. that way i can match my level of face rendering to the rest of the piece.

- working on all parts of the painting at once. some artists are able to work on a painting from section to section. this is not me, regardless of detail level. jumping around all over the place keeps me from focusing too hard on one section above others. i even take this one step further by working on 2+ paintings simultaneously but there is something wrong with me for this one i'll admit.

- staying zoomed out for as long i can. this goes in hand with the previous point but when you're zoomed out its easier to lay down the biggest/primary color blocks without the temptation to detail. once the main color blocks are nicely balanced its easier to pick out a few points of interest to add spots of detail to, and restrain myself to them. (easier said than done! but i try!)

- getting comfortable with backtracking / deleting overworked sections and layers. this might seem scary but this has saved my ass more times than you might think. i always save a version of my drawings before i merge everything / start rending so i can always copy over earlier sections if needed.

- cold turkey removing details from the equation for a while. i did this more from necessity than choice, because i was struggling with my health a few years back and had zero energy to sink into art for long hours. but looking on the bright side it helped me realize what details are/aren't necessary and how to build my features from big -> small. this progression of my patho art shows pretty well how i introduced details back into my work over time.

but yeah! sometimes i do still find myself creeping a little too close to overwork territory for comfort, even with all these safeguards in place. in that case i have to accept that not every piece i put out will be my 'best' and that perfection has no place in art. that's not the point of it!

simplifying forms isn't easy, the same way abstract art isn't lazy. but with all things it can be learned with enough practice. and if you decide at the end of it all that you still like drawing a lot details, it might be a matter of readjusting how / where you implement them. best of luck <3

[macaronbunnies]

https://www.tumblr.com/macaronbunnies/785236012642271232/pls-anyone-send-me-sum-asks-it-doesnt-have-to-be?source=share

This is a stupid long ask about my favorite rpf ships that probably no one cares about I've like only met one soad proshipper

anyway!!!!!

my favorite ships of all time are probably all rpf tbh. From the same band, too. Serj x Daron, Shavo x Daron, John x Shavo. They're from System of a Down and I swear they're all made for each other (maybe not John cuz he's homophobic but fuck it we ball I'll make him gay RIDE ME PLEASE what) I love watching silly little clips of them, especially that one where John randomly grabs Shavo by his stomach with one arm and throws him onto the floor and then Daron jumps in. It's sad that there's not many fics of them, although the artwork is insanely good <333... ILY SOAD SHIPPERS!1!1!2!2!1! Another clip I like is one that I've only seen in one compilation of Daron saying "I love you, Serj" into the microphone. Its probably a clip from a show in the 90's due to the poor ass quality. But either way, it's awesome sauce..... Let's go homosexuals. My fav Shavo x Daron moment is during an interview where Daron randomly licks his bald head...... I also love to see Shavo match his energy during the older shows while they were all on drugs or whatever. I also found a kerrang magazine with some good ass shit in it.

1) I love the gag that they personally have where Shavo's always late. It's so cute

2) this speaks for itself. Also it isn't cut off at the end because these are from discord and just general interesting things I found in the magazine.

3) SO REAL 100% NOT DARON X ANYBODY PROPAGANDA ("on the cheek" was erased. still homo if you try hard enough)

My god I have so many saved clips and videos and artwork and fanfics and anything that talks about any soad ship. I don't wanna put it into this ask cuz, well, it's fanart. My own art of them are just doodles and I haven't been pleased with my art styles so.. yuh. Any soad shippers/proshippers hmu I'll treat you to toxic derj fanfics trust

Also i headcanon shavo as a transgender man and draw him with scars. just wanted to throw that out there.

I'll probably reply to the post with this ask answered with some timestamps and video links of what I was talking about with some yummy extraa

HOLY YAP but thats great i love reading long things!! i hope you will find other soad proships that you can talk about your ships with!! i dont listen to soad but these people really sound gay tbh..OH ALSO I ALLOW EVERY FANART IN MY ASKS i love art!! even when you think its ugly what matters is that you put effort to it! C: thank you for speaking your truth i wish you a very great day and i hope your otp gets more content (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆

[lucabyte]

ppl saying they look to my comics for inspiration and pointers on how to format things is WILDDDD to me (and delightful don't get me wrong!! i am overjoyed) because like. none of you are privvy to the absolute WAHHH I DONT WANNNAAA bitchfits i was *CONSISTANTLY* throwing every time i forced myself to make a comic before i got into isat. like no joke. i considered comics such a fucking difficult medium they always drained my drawing energy so hard because they always felt like they took sooo long and had so many moving parts and were so much harder than storyboards (WHICH I ALREADY STRUGGLED WITH) because you had to account for panel shape and speech bubbles and-- like you get it. but genuinely for real. the sheer amount that i complained whenever i clawed my way through drawing a comic (which thus! was not very fucking much!!) compounded by the fact that i *genuinely have trouble reading comics*. as in, i really struggle to parse the flow of contiguous movement or action between panels (possibly connected to the fact ive got mad aphantasia?) of even really well done best-of-the-best professional comics...

... BUT. basically. what im trying to get at is. if you wanna learn to draw comics, evidently you super can?! I genuinely *didnt* draw comics before drawing isat fanart! I have no idea what it was about ISAT fanart that made it finally click for me? (I think it was... not having to think about colour? Removing a step from the process really helped. Plus, it being fanwork meant I could just start en-medias-res and not have to think about setup... Trying to cram too much explanation and setup into my oc stuff was always a big hurdle too...)

I find them fast to do now! and damn if i dont value speed in art (<- impatient little fucker). its still going slowly on my oc comics.. mostly due to the colour again, i think. but it's not extremely, ecruciatingly difficult anymore. is what im saying. and im genuinely baffled by it every time i put pen to page. its fucked up. did you guys know that practice makes things easier? . fucking perverted if you ask me.

As for looking at other people's things for inspiration. if you want to know where I was looking when I was piecing together the first couple fancomics I did for ISAT i want to specifically point at . well besides everything rebecca sugar has ever done (for hands and facial expressions *especially*), the main person i really dug into the work of was Leo Fox (Website link). I feel like i wanna point people to the source of a lot of the inspiration for my more off-kilter panel choices so you all can get the full experience rather than through my regurgitated mimesis. I'm now at the point where i can wing panel layout so i wasn't in there for longgg but. everyone go add it to your knowledge banks as for SUBJECT MATTER aka why i am i so deranged. those are squarely the 2019 postcanon homestuck golden era bleeding through my CLENCHED BITTEN DOWN JAW. A BULL TERRIER ON YOUR BRACHIAL ARTERY. namely that @/floralmarsupial and @/tomatograter's works (no i am not tagging them . im shy) are things i go back to frequently and floralmarsupials pure black/white inktober comics were *especially* an inspiration. if you've been following me a few months you may remember me reblogging a bunch of their stuff from 2019~2021 for seemingly no reason. this was why. The narratively divorced reality of jade strider & Liminal Space are big in my mind here. I balk to call myself anywhere near as good as these but these are what i'm aiming for, tonally and quality-ways with it. also detective pony but ive mentioned that already and thats farrrr too inside baseball for this post.

BUT YEAH TL;DR: I DIDNT DRAW LIKE ANY COMICS UNTIL UHHHH LIKE, WHAT, LIKE 8 MONTHS AGO? JESUS. ANYWAY. THIS MEANS YOU 🫵🫵🫵 CAN DO IT TOO. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. DATTEBAYO!!!!

[greentastico]

Where: discord (but first we talk here!)

Looking for: 18+ writers.

Characters: 21+

Ive been dying to do a more mature/realistic/dark rp set in the ninjago universe, specifically starting season 4.

Hi im Darla! 21, she/her. CET time zone.

In short, what and who I'm looking for:

- Lit to adv-lit, 3rd POV. Think 1000–2000 characters per reply.

- Action, adventure, fantasy, romance, ( i love romance yearning, needing, being so in love )fear, mature themes, gore/violence.

---> im really looking for the dark, the gritty, the hurt for this rp. There could be mention of: underground = illegal buisinesses/human trafficing, prostitutes. Violence = blood, injury, character death. (Ofc not all the time or 24/7 just to make clear these things can be mentioned and that im not shy about these things ^^) just think of Game of Thrones NO ERP/SMUT FOCUSED PLEASE

- i will write side characters, and you will too!

- English isn't my first language! I only check grammar for the actual rp story.

- FC = realistic/art realistic **i find fc on pinterest** warning: if i find something i like, and it's A.I. still gonna use it. So dont come for me if you are against that please.

- i really like to read about your oc, i can really get into it. But i would love the same energy back, as i too, put a lot of effort in my oc and i hope sm, you will love her.

What I'm looking for OOC:

- I'm here for a fun time! With regular chatting about characters, plotting, chit chat. I think communication is key. Please dont reach out if it takes you 3 to 5 business every week bc my motivation will die.

Pairing/Preference Info:

- FxM and FxF are what I'm most familiar with! I especially enjoy when our OCs are friends or have some established connection!

(this is a ocxcc double-up = we both write a oc we both write a cc for the other.)

✨Characters I can write for you:

1. Ask me! F or M it doesnt matter!

✨Characters you can write for me:

1. Kai (pls?) [Lol i have so many headcanons about him its crazy]

2. Cole

If you'd rather write cxc for your side:

- Jay x Nya → I prefer to write Nya

- zane x p.i.x.a.l. --> prefer to write p.i.x.a.l

- Nya x Skylor --> no preference!

- Nya x p.i.x.a.l --> no preference!

Thank you for reading! Send me a DM directly with some basics about you. Please, i will not respond to any form of 'hi wanna rp?' I need more than that. I wont respond to you if you can't introduce yourself.

Or like, and i will reach out to you! Do not like if you are not actually interested in a rp. (Why do people do this?)

Thats it thank you! If you are curious, on my blog i have a post with my writing sample's, then you know what i am expecting of you, and you can expect of me! I would love to start chatting i know i sound kinda harsh here. But i just want to be clear. 💕

i have only seen till season 7. But i am starting to catch up slowly!

[musashi]

As a creative, how do you keep going? I see you making fanfics, videos, art, gifs, sitting down and learning something new just because you wanted to. I've always had such a hard time turning ideas into actual finished pieces. At first i thought it was fear of failing but I've been tackling that for years but the progress I've made its still not enough. I've tried doing it "just for fun", for personal growth, for money, as part of a community. Hell, I've tried out of spite. Please, how do keep creating?

that's a tough one because it really is about getting to the bottom of what is stopping you, and it sounds like you've done a lot of work on that with little results. thats gotta be frustrating!

i can tell you that for me, i feel fully fucking crazy when i do not create. this is not as much the case anymore, but when i was younger i felt like the ideas were trapped inside me and that holding them in was literally making me sick. i created because i had to or i felt physically bad.

i had a huge sprawling story in my head for YEARS tho and i had to get it out. and i wasn't. and back when i wasn't it was because i was depressed. depression for me feels like a lazy sunday that never ends, like i can't do anything, like i am locked in my own body and the only thing i have the energy to do is scroll social media for short-term dopamine.

but when i eventually decided ok, this is it, time to tell my story, what fixed me was seeing it like a job instead of a passion. for YEARS i had been fed this lie about "inspiration" and "motivation" and "writer's block" and now i am fully 100% of the belief that all of those concepts are bullshit lmao. i straightup do not believe in them any longer. i believe they are shields that creatives hide behind to absolve themselves of the guilt and frustration they feel when they are not creating.

in the end for me it just came down to this: once a week, it was time to write. no ifs ands or buts about it. at a set hour, on a set day, i would write for a set amount of time. and i could either make fucking hemingway or the worst collection of sentences known to man, but i HAD to write. i was not allowed to talk myself out of it. so that is what i did.

now, years later, looking back on all of my work--i could not tell you what i wrote when i felt "inspired" and what i wrote when i didn't. it all just looks the same to me, and most of it is pretty damn good.

i no longer write once a week. i write every day now. set times. set moments. sometimes alone. sometimes with friends. but every day, when it is time to write, no matter how i am feeling, i write.

currently i am also trying to get medicated for my ADHD so that focus doesn't feel so much like pulling teeth! that is also something i am excited to pursue more and see if it helps. but tl;dr my process is brute force and a schedule.

here is a little more i have said on the subject. i am sorry if it's not helpful, but maybe you will find something in my story that lines up with your own.

[facks-stories]

I doubt you guys want to read this long message,

Point is, I’m going to leave tumblr for longer, reasons under cut:

Reasons

1 - writing

Like I’ve said before, I like writing more then drawing, and I love you guys and all the art I make for you guys [love is pushing it for the art but let’s ignore for now]

But I asked someone for their opinion [if I should write more,ect, ect.] and they told me to do what I wanna, so I am, I’ll still draw but probably not as nearly as much, only for the characters sheets and art trade

I’m going to write a lot more, its better for my heath anyway [not sitting up for so long], the same format for anyone who doesn’t want to see my storys/the opposite, @weather-story for just writing, @facks-arts for just art, @facks-stories for text and art with context,

2 - heath

As you know, I’m built with fucking legos or something because my heath is so unstable and unreliable, so I have limited energy, I can’t spend much more of that energy making posts and drawing,

Hopefully this break can give me more of that energy back, I’ll also have more time to figure out what going on

3 - burn out?

I think I’m getting burn out, from something, so I might not have that much art, or even writings when I come back,

4 - mental health

As you guys know, my mental health is also built out of legos- its shit and every one knows it, especially because I lost someone I considered a best friend [starby is alright and alive, we just don’t talk anymore]

And especially it’s been bad because I found out something personal, I’ve just been a little rocky lately. So I don’t really feel like talking to people that much,

What can/will happen during the break?

-I’ll try and answer any dms I get, I still care about you guys so dm me if you need or want to talk

-Receive asks, the ask box will still be open, send asks while I’m gone, don’t, doesn’t matter

-answer in polls I’m tagged in, its just a poll

-make the weekly cotton posts

What won’t happen during the break:

-I won’t do picrew chains, 😔 as much as I love not being able to make myself I’ll do them after I come back

-answer asks, same with this^ I’ll do them when I get back,

-make posts [that isn’t weekly cotton]

-send asks [I’ll probably wrote them down if I have any

After break?

I’m going to write more, maybe I’ll repost some of the writings on this account but I doubt,

Basically go back to being normal but probably a lot more rants

Asks, picrew chains, and the character sheets will be done after I come back

Thats all from what I know, I’ll edit this if I need to, but this will be pinned until I get back

[oswednesday]

waa @proceduralbob tagged me! thank youu

name: wednesday

pronouns: they/them

where do you call home?: without the right to roam, in a planet with boards and states and nationalities, this is kind of a faulty concept, people ask this sort of thing to judge your worth, sometimes i poke fun at people for like what state or city they live in but know its kind of in a post-ironic or whatever sort of way, i live online! but i suppose the geographical answer is the usa equating that with home feels gross, home feels personal and all encompassing, doesnt it?

favorite animal: im like, rabbit themed, so there's that of course i love so many animals i feel like i have a fave per genre of animals, im really into jellyfish , my fave owl is great horned, i also love flamingos and giraffes and bats and cockatoos

cereal of choice: i only eat cereal as intended like two months out of the entire year max, i like applejacks (with banana slices) and cocoa bunnies from the annie's brand (with strawberries) (cereal feels really naked without fruit on it!)

visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner: im pretty sure this is something that gets taught in schools in conservative states cause no one gives a fuck whether its junk science or not, i Prefer someone to show me how, then walk me through it and then ill do it a bunch with assistance until i get it, but thats often so taxing to be vulnerable with someone else and not everyone has the patience for me so maybe like visual/kinesthetic/auditory in that order maybe? maybe thats just self fanfiction

first pet: fish! like the first animal i was aware of like, the concept of a pet like we have a pet in the house were two box turtles but those were like, my parents pets, they did not take good care of them! the first pet i consciously was like i want to keep and take care of them were fishes

favorite scent: (oops i forgot to remove the previous answer and fill this in)i have a lot of scents i like but rn i think murphy's wood oil soap!

do you believe in astrology: i think there are three "categories" of astrology

there is the math; the history and the culture and the arts and how much it like is apart of human history like that's real and inseparable from understanding the world around us you cant be like well thats astronomy because its also people folk lore and mythology of their cultures and belief systems and that kind of math was not separate from each other, it was used and is used as aid to make complicated numbers more digestible, as a way to memorize and to pass along oral traditions, its also a form of a people's wealth, so thats real yes

then there's social/economics/psychology of it like time periods coincide with ups and downs of wealth in a place like historically and its also like how the seasons impact people, what food is available, what sicknesses are more easily transmittable during certain seasons, which impacts somewhat the way we interact with the world as early age roles are set in by family, society, so on, thats real

then there's my cringe fetus in the womb is an aries i can feel the energies, that shits fake, but that feeds back into like point two and this point isnt any different than the other awful ways parents can interact with their children about 'metaphysical' matters

so i suppose yes i do, like, in a social science and a traditional art sort of way

how many playlists do you have on your music service of choice: i have a lot i like to make playlists a lot, maybe ill share them with the internet more often

sharpies or highlighters: highlighters are cute! sharpies have more use though, highlighters might win simply for the cute factor

song that makes you cry: once the pokemon 2 movie starts its ON <-the tears, from the ost for some reason

song that makes you happy: i listen to a lot of vashti bunyan and haruomi hosono for that feeling, oh maybe im not answering these correctly, i know nobodies got me like still alive (portal 2007)

and finally, do you write/draw/create: i do all kinds of gay stuff

[sunsettfox]

(Re)gaining my confidence as an artist

For a while now I have been dissatisfied with my art. When I was just starting out there was a spark that made me really happy and proud of my work, lately I rarely get that. I recognized that it looked good but would also not feel like its something special, something to be as proud of as earlier in my art journey. Recently I drew really simple character portraits for a school project, where we had to develop a product, like a game. Everyone was impressed and praised me. And I did feel proud of it and felt like it was solid on a technical level. I had people tell me it looks professionell and that I should pursue a career in art (which I do intend to do right now). But I also knew that any more complicated stuff I can do wouldnt look as good. I guess this is a typical case of imposter syndrome. I felt like because of my skills not being advanced enough for high quality complex work, it invalidated my simple work. Especially in the context of non artists not seeing 'the truth'. But its a fact that these simple character problems look great! And that I still have a long way to go in my art journey. Thats totally okay. During my recent spring break I took the time to draw a lot and for the first time design and draw my Ocs that have been living in my head for two years! Likely due to just having more mental energy because of my break and drawing stuff that I was passionate about, I had a blast and was really proud of my work. I finally felt at least a part of that spark again. I also did some rendering studies which I feel really gave me some direction in an aspect of my art I was not happy with. In the past few weeks I made so much more progress that I felt I made in months. I actually only really realised that while writing this. I can say that I found a new confidence in my art journey, lets see where this journey will take me!

What is the lesson of this post? I dont know. Maybe you'll relate or find some Insights if even anyone reads this massive bulk of a text lol. In the end im just rambling this into the void of the Internet.

But I can say that art is a never ending journey in whatever form or shape you indulge in it. Express yourself even If its 'bad' or 'cringe', it doesnt matter. The purpose of art is not to be good but to put a piece of yourself, of something you love out there, even if just for yourself.

Keep creating.

[midnighteloquence]

rant ig???? i just started typing and too many words came out to go on my main vent (not obliged to read)

i hate when people find me pretty because theres no way you find me pretty in anything other than some good photos of me. sure i post my face everywhere but in an hour or so i’ll see the same photo i posted and think “i dont look like a real person”. that smile isnt my smile because its there for an ingenuine split second. i will never always look like that. my facial expressions are varied and i cant even see all of them. whenever im in my room on my phone thats me, with a face i cannot see or even fathom. i cannot control how my face contorts all the time. i hate videos of myself because im never still and have 50 facial expressions per minute. when i see myself laughing on video i recoil because why do i look like that, why must i look like that when i laugh 20 billion times a day. when i sit bored in class that is still me, that person in the photo will always be me no matter of what condition i am in. im only pretty in photos because i cannot fathom me looking nice doing anything

i hate everything there is to do with my personality and i dont understand how anyone can put up with it. im too much to be considered a human being. sure i evolve all the time and change and grow as a person but im still me at the end of the day and i still hate myself. whenever i think of the flaws that people i dislike have, no matter what i will always see them in myself. i have a person that me (and everyone included) dislike because they make vulgar jokes despite their age but dont i do that? how can you put up with me but hate them? and i tell myself that theres a hierarchy in my friend group which i fucking hate but i dont even think i should be in this friend group. i am a disgusting human being, personality wise, i dont know how people put up with my whining, and my loud voice, and my constant attention seeking, and my whining why am i constantly whining and crying. i get distant when i sense people dont want me even if they dont explicitly say so i know they dont. im so fucking insecure im like an insecure boyfriend and i project those insecurities onto others and yet people still PUT UP WITH ME. people dont need to spare my feelings with this let me go stop being friends with such a terrible person. everyone ik has dropped bad people before, so why cant they drop me? write me a paragraph of all my wrong doings that i know ive done and tell me to get lost and i will. my feelings dont matter and the worst ill do is cry

my looks change every day. im not pretty without makeup on, im not fat but im definitely not skinny. i change my clothing styles constantly because i dont know who i am. people say im pretty and yet i dont believe it. i dont believe any compliment im given because it cant be true, why would i deserve any of that? i get shocked whenever im given praise or someone perceives me because out of everyone you chose me? whenever people say theyre thinking of me i get shocked because what is there to think about? whenever my art or writing is complimented, or even my academics im shocked because seriously? me? why??? theres so many people worthy of praise, so many people who are a billion times better and prettier and deserving, but you waste your words and energy on me? and this goes to show how fucking insecure i am and how self loathing i am. i dont understand how self loathing i really am until someone brings it up. and then im shocked too because how do people notice my mental state and actually bring it up? what do you mean you acknowledge what state im in? what do you mean i actually see myself like this and you know that? i publicise everything and yet still wonder that

my feelings arent my own and idk why i feel that way. but every time someone posts about a feeling of theirs that i can relate to all im thinking is “i stole that feeling from you and i dont truly feel it”. i dont feel like my own person, this body isnt mine, this mind torments me, my soul wishes for an escape. i dont want to die because i cannot fathom a life without life. i dont stay living because i see a hope, because i know deep down (and upfront) that i will always feel this way, even if it feels like im healing ill never truly heal. ive been feeling this way for 4 years and it only intensifies the longer i go on, but i wont die because im afraid. i wouldnt say im too lazy to because i could easily have myself out of this world in a couple hours, im just a coward, and being so much of a coward that i dont want to bring myself death is so stupid

i will never be more than my depression, i will never be more than my body image or my insecurities. compared to the way i feel me as a person is nothing. my emotions and mentality suffocate that person, she is nothing without them. she is nothing when she is happy, or when she “likes” her body, or when shes having a good time because they never last and will never truly be her. i am not happy, thats final, and when i am it isnt me. my body image will always suck because that is who i am, i will always be a girl who hates how she looks no matter how she looks. i hated my body when i was skinny, i hate my body now, whenever theres a momentary lapse of loving for my body it dissipates in a week or even an hour. thats just not who i am, and thatll never be who i am. i might evolve constantly but that’ll never be me, i will never evolve into a person who feels happy more times than she feels like killing herself

[keefiswhoiam]

xenokhi Questions 2

Are there any artists that you like to keep updated with on their art or learn specifically from?

Only loosely. While I search tags/topics I'm interested in I will see work from the same few people and a few have stuck out but I don't tend to follow anyone and specifically keep up with them anymore.

Do you feel any urge to be more part of your local community and wish there were more oppurtunities to share your art?

I do, however I live in a valley with a population of 500, many of them off the grid people and their art tastes revolve around local wildlife and conservative themes. I think it could be fun to try and break into that anyways as an opportunity to get out of my usual subject matter if only I had the time and energy for yet another project.

Have you thought about doing public art or more community based projects? What about collaborations?

Since I don't have connections or a community, I tend to stick to myself. I've done small collaborations with friends in the past though and I've liked it. What I've learned is that it takes an acceptence of differences from all parties involved to collaborate on anything effectively and that is hard to find and maintain. Because of that it's not something I've found I can just jump into, it has to fall into place naturally.

How do you feel that your art impacts those that you do intereact with? Could you describe a normal interaction with your clients?

This is a tough question because in the past I've been known for my "unsavory" work. Most people I talk with including my friends didn't know I was an artist before meeting me so they got to warm up to what I did and were okay with it considering how normal of a person I was. As for clients, I keep things strictly professional and never choose to say more than I have to. I work with people who can have pretty extreme interests and while I respect that, I try to keep a reasonable distance. Most seem to understand this.

What barriers have you experienced in gaining exposure for your work as an independent artist?

I don't think the algorithm favors art like mine, I disagree with the idea of an algorithm completely because of how tailored it can get to people as if no one is able to make choices as to what they see anymore. In other spheres like that of VRchat, the infrastructure isn't there at ALL to support the discovery of new or interesting content. As a solo entity, there is not much I can do for myself it seems other than rely on people searching for specific tags.

How has social media influenced your approach to creating art? Do you feel pressured to follow certain trends or cater to popular themes?

I do not feel pressured but I do see the appeal. Trends seem to be a chance to get seen. It's like a big community event almost where if you participate, there is a decent likelyhood you will be seen by more people including those who might see something they like and stick around.

Have you observed any conflict between creating art for yourself and creating art that sells? How do you balance personal expression with market demands?

I have been conflicted about this. Generally I've found time to do both, however. Given the way I schedule, commission work has a specific amount of time I need to do it and after that I'm free to do my other stuff. I have suffered from the time commissions take out of my life though. I have a mountain of ideas and projects that can never be done thanks in part to having work to do that drains my creative battery.

Do you feel that there is a risk of “capitalizing” on certain artistic movements or themes? How does this affect your choices?

I see no risk unless you fear losing yourself. I see them as an opportunity to try something new and maybe even stay relevant in the long run if thats what you want. I'm thinking about 90s/2000s artists whose style/subject matter is still firmly rooted in those times which is cool in it's own way but experimenting with new themes could enhance that and make something very unique.

Have you encountered community pushback on any pieces you’ve displayed, and how did you handle it?

Like I mentioned before, I was known for unsavory content. I've never personally cared what people think of me or my work for a specific reason. My philosophy is that artistic expression should be free and limitless. I do not judge content I don't like, I simply do not partake. Likewise I expect the same for myself. I respectfully disagree with anyone who thinks otherwise. The good thing about the internet is that I do not have to engage in conflict if I really don't want to. So I don't.

I would also like to provide a space for just a general discussion at this point and ask where do you think I am going with all of this? I know it may seem like a super silly question and very open ended but I am curious how my vague request has impacted you.

You seem to be someone interested in knowing other people's perspectives regarding art, maybe to enhance yourself using knowledge from so many different sources? Maybe it's just a simple interest that makes you feel good. Either way I support people choosing to listen to other's opinions. I personally am trying to open myself to more social opporunities so that's why I responded to your post about interviews. It's nice to be heard and to admit to myself and others that I do know a little bit about something.

[letsaskthegalaxy]

oops using this as a personal venting blog again whoopsie doo

I am so scared of quitting the things I did last year

but whenever I think of doing robotics now I'm just so unengaged

Someone suited to this would be like "alright, time to build another robot!" but I just can't spark genuine enthusiasm into the prospect

I liked learning the skills (lathes, mills, calipers, ect...Very cool) but I would rather apply them to other things (making sports equipment, compact cases, cool everyday gadgets and crafts) instead of a robot

These things are unmistakably cool, and I appreciate the work that went into them, but I don't gush about them enough for the 8 hours a week (in addition to school and other activities) to feel like a good payoff instead of a drag at my time and energy

And thats what really sucks

I'm scared that my lack of enthusiasm for a project will inevitably create a chasm between these mentors who I still want to learn from and also seep into every aspect of my life

I spent all of last year shaping an active life for myself through sheer will, because it was what I needed to push through other life circumstances, but this year I'm scared to pick things back up again

And its not just the getting back into it (though I don't deny that might have some effect), because I was still going through the motions during the summer sessions that were meant to keep people engaged (but were more focused on shop skills)

Knowing that the next year of my life would be put towards a project everyone else is invested in as I'm just sorta there is disheartening

I'm trying to condense this, promise ToT

I'm not going to be a robotics specialist

Nor am I interested in making robots for automation, competition, or any purpose

I enjoyed this activity in the first place because through building a robot, I could learn about making things with my own two hands

I got the confidence to make my own shelf, something that used to feel too big to tackle (I even put it up by myself, something that was quite risky in retrospect but I'm still here so fate let me go that day ig)

I gave myself permission to think "I could make that," and I like to think that one day, I truly will

I let myself engage with the world under the identity of 'robotics member' and 'STEM girl(with a question mark because WHO KNOWS)' and sometimes it filled me with pride

But when I think about it in retrospect, it's not true to me

Okay, I spent the last 15, 20, 30 minutes writing this instead of my resignation letter to my mentors, which will probably skip the entire diatribe about my personal feelings on the matter and end up sounding a little callous as a result

I always do this aaaaaghhhhh

I very much pity any poor tumblr user who stumbles on this,, please take some free holy water to cleanse your eyes from teenage angst

though in most likelihood this will likely be me reading this over in like, 3 weeks - 3 years

Honestly, in retrospect, my best machining ideas were always related to the niche hobbies I had outside of robotics

and those weren't exactly welcomed, since the focus is so much on the actual robot (or side conversations that were targeted towards an old man (sorry but that's just the genuine audience for it) demographic that I polite engaged with n times) that I didn't feel as welcome trying those things out

I hope that should I ever have access to a shop again, I can pursue the projects that make me happy to engage in, especially now that I know how to

I'm really grateful they introduced me to CAD and laser printing, because I want to use those in my own art

and try some architecture stuff too (architecture as a concept, and a way to engage with humanity, scratches my brain very much, I should find some good tumblrs about it)

In short, thank you robotics, I wish you luck on your way!

[pheemuru]

I want to get a little personal for a sec

Below the cut I'm going to talk about my struggle with art, energy, time management, and trying to be an artist in the current social media climate while having a full time job in an unrelated field

In august 2023, i moved out of my parents home for the first time--I moved out of state and got a full time job. this is a good thing and a super positive life event for me! I'm now living with my partner of nearly 7 years and my best friend of 5.

However my relationship with art since before I even moved out... has been really rocky. My job now occupies my time for 6 hours a day 5 days a week. I work from 6:45 am - 10 am (im including travel time here because its still my time thats occupied by work...) and then I have a break until 2 pm. Then I work 2 - 6 pm, and depending on where I'm working at, I get home anywhere from 6-7 pm. I go to bed at 11 pm (This is a very big struggle mentally for me since my jobs schedule is very much opposite of how my body functions. I'm a night owl and not at all an early bird.) This is my monday thru friday.

By the time the weekend comes, I have other household chores to keep up with before I feel like I'm "allowed" to waste my time basically. I also use my time just... recovering for the next week. Every night I get home from work I take a couple edibles to wind down and relax, which is possibly the best part of my day when I finally get to turn my brain off from having to mask and wrangle 30 something kids throughout the day. (daycare aide moment)

How this relates to my art is that I really have zero drive to do any kind of art. I have no ideas. I see stuff online and think "wow I want to do that, I wish I thought of it". Creativity doesn't come naturally to me if it isn't the result of a college assignment or a commission. I struggle a LOT with concepting and sketching. I genuinely don't know how to doodle anymore either

In 2024 I want to focus a lot more on what's going to make me feel satisfied in a career, and so far the only option I have for that is making art my full time gig. However, anyone that is trying that or has tried that knows how difficult that is and how unrealistic it is to just be able to do that with no build up.

Here's where my struggle comes in; I have no fucking energy for anything anymore. I got diagnosed with adhd and autism last year, or just about last year. My job is insanely socially heavy (I'm around 30+ kids and have to manage them) so by the time that I get home, I just want to get stoned and watch movies. I don't want to create. I don't want to do anything. not even shit i like to do.

drawing has become so fucking hard for me. it takes me so goddamn long to finish a piece, I get overwhelmed by current trends, and it doesnt help that the fact of the matter is, social media has moved onto video formats. This means I will have to keep up with video trends to get any kind of eyes on my work. But how do you keep up with video trends when you don't even have any art to show to begin with, nonetheless ones that fit with the theme of the trends going around?

So now I need to make supplementary/filler recordings to fill out content if I want to be serious about my social media presence. On top of the fact I actually have to create art. On top of the fact that there's dishes in my sink every day and laundry that has to be done every week and groceries that have to be shopped for and a job that has to be attended to five days a week. I know 30 hours a week truly is not as much as others work to be full time but my god is it exhausting? All this shit on top of itself makes me feel like I regret moving out a little bit. Overall I don't, because I don't have to live with my parents and I can relax around my partner, but like. oh my god?

literally how does anyone live like this and not want to kill themselves. I had to get a zoloft script because i kept having mental breakdowns every sunday because I have to go back to fucking work and I never feel like I have enough time to do anything meaningful. by the time my brain is like, "ready" to work, its 9 pm and i have to get ready for bed in 2 hours.

I've contemplated getting my masters in teaching to be an art teacher, but I really wouldn't.. want to do that for the rest of my life? you don't really get days off if you need it, youre obligated to work outside of work hours just to get anything done, parents right now kind of suck, school admins also suck, curriculums are cutting art programs, and kids are also becoming so much more disengaged with art at younger ages.

with the state of everything I find it really hard not to just spiral into a depressive episode. I don't know what my future holds. Sure, I have my parents as a safety net now, but theyre approaching their 70s and arent going to be around for the majority of the rest of my life. what happens then? what happens when theyre gone and i have literally no other support beyond the little life i made for myself right now? i already feel like im not allowed to prioritize myself at the moment given my position in the household (full time consistent job that pays somewhat decent ((Decent being $16.75/hour lol)) for the area im in, im the one that can drive, im the one with the largest paycheck and most consistent hours). I can't really get days off at work if I wake up having a panic attack or even physical sickness. I'm supposed to just deal with it and clock in because we dont have enough people to cover last minute like that. And I'm someone with (honestly) debilitating stomach issues. I had to have an upper endoscopy and tests done which only yield so much if you don't follow up with an allergist, which I still have yet to do...

Currently I'm supposed to set up appointments for my dentist, an allergist, a cardiologist, and I need to contact my psych because my pharmacy told me my zoloft cant be refilled (second month on it btw lol).

so like. when the fuck am i supposed to have any kind of every to dedicate to a second part time job, my own fucking art business? the thing i want to be the most passionate about, i have no energy left for. I feel so wildly unsatisfied in my life right now because of this. I'm struggling. I'm struggling a lot and I wish i didn't have to work at all. I wish I could just have my art be my full time thing, but I dont have the audience nor the social media prowess to make that happen so quickly.

I'm tired. I'm fucking tired. everyone keeps saying "take care of yourself" or "self care" but jesus christ how am i supposed to when i cant even just work 4 days a week consistently because for whatever reason I'm the only person at my job that can do what i do? how am i supposed to practice self care when that self care would mean i quit my fucking job lol. i'm at such a loss and i feel like im just letting the time pass by like grains of sand in an hourglass. being torn between wanting to die and wanting to push through is a fucking insane feeling. all we do in life is struggle until we die and I'm finding it harder and harder to get over that kind of mental hurdle. every time i drive i have to fight the genuine intrusive thoughts of yanking the steering wheel to put myself in a ditch with my car just to give myself a couple weeks of a break.

I'm tired. And there's nothing i can do about it. how long can one weather a storm before getting lost at sea