#I PROMISE TO WRITE FLUFF OR SOMETHING CUTESY EVENTUALLY 😭

[aritsukemo]

AHHH I'M SORRY I MISSED THIS NURSED!! I STARTED WRITING MY RESPONSE THE DAY I SAW YOUR REPOST BUT SHIT HAPPENED AND I ENDED UP UNABLE TO FOR A MIN I'M SO, SO SORRY 😭

This fic juggled so many elements and honestly it didn't come out the best, though I'm glad you liked it!! As expected, your feedback is great and much appreciated!! :D TYSM ILY AND AGAIN I'M SOOO INCREDIBLY SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU!! :(((

I wanted everything in this fic to correlate directly to Kuni ( aka tell on him ) seeming as Kuni himself is an unreliable narrator. I'm glad you were able to catch onto the purpose of the beeping on a symbolic level I honestly thought no one would since I did such a sucky job.. 😓 That aside, the beeping is also to represent Kunikuzushi's heart rate and overall mental state. From the start of this fic, the damage was done. Kuni had already downed his entire pill bottle of medication and was waiting around for it to finally kill him whiiiiich leads to my next fun fact...or rather, facts.

I myself am not on antidepressants so this fic required extensive research on the topic. That of which lead me to Amitriptyline, a tricyclic antidepressant that can be used to treat major depressive disorder. Though supposedly helpful, this specific medication can worsen the condition of those with bpd, and though it's not common, can cause auditory and visual hallucinations as well as many other side effects.

I wanted to make it as obvious yet as subtle as possible that Kuni had overdose through his hallucinating. Obviously the first and most alarming one being you yourself, who's supposed to be dead at this point. ( Which is why I wanted you to read the 2nd part first cause I felt like you would've easily realized what happened 😞 ) The second, however, ( which I wish I did a better job writing ) being the sudden, singular crunch heard.

So, apparently, pills can end up being 10x more dangerous to the body if they're chewed and ingested rather than swallowed whole because the medicine can seep into bloodstream too fast and possibly cause an overdose or other health complications. I wanted to get as specific as I could in the hallucination so that when the twist is finally revealed, it would be one that made logical sense and the best way I thought of doing that was using you and Kunikuzushi eating noodles to kinda represent that.

Drugs are what lead to both of your deaths ( though, in Kuni's case, it's his direct cause of death ) and, fun fact, I purposely added the fact that you never finished our cup of noodles because it's supposed to show that you didn't finish an entire bottle of pills and overdose on them like he did BUT AGHHH I DID SUCH A SUCKY JOB AT SHOWIMG THAT AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT 😔

I had to do a little dive on Google bc, luckily, I've never experienced overdose or had anyone I know experience it and I found out that some who have been unfortunate enough to experience it eventually felt a sudden sense of extreme fatigue after a while ( or not long after, varies depending on the medicine I'm pretty sure ). Furthermore, oding on Amitriptyline can cause fatigue ( as well as vomiting and other horrid symptoms ) which is why I added the part where he suddenly collapses! It's to show that the medicine is starting to kick into it's final, deadliest stage :)

OH OH OH AND ANOTHER THING, the reason you're in his hallucination to begin with is because you're the one he ended up seeking comfort in during his final moments alive even though you're dead, hehe! <3

AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR PEEPING!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THAT YOU READ THIS!! THIS HELPED ME SO MUCH!!

A Mid-Night Snack | Kunikuzushi

Music Artist Kunikuzushi x Idol Reader

Warnings: Major Character Death ( Kunikuzushi ), suicide, depression and bpd are implied, drugs are referenced and used ( Kunikuzushi takes antidepressants and ends up overdosing on them ), severe hallucinating ahead ( Everything that happens in this fic does not actually happen ), Scaramouche is used a stage name, Kunikuzushi as his real name, modern au ahead, also nasty topics such as vomit and blood are used as descriptors towards the end. With all that said, please enjoy this at your own volition and risk!

A/N: It's officially January 3rd where I live so Happy Belated New Years and Happy Birthday to my gloriously written shnookums Wanderer! To celebrate his birthday, I've decided to do a part two to my former-drabble-now-fanfic 'A Boring Experiment'! I'm seeming to have a pattern in trying new things with him so like my other Kunikuzushi fanfic, this is completely new ground for me. That said, I hope you can still enjoy. ( Also this is a gift for the one who enjoyed my little drabble i wrote on a whim and requested a part two of it! )

Part One: A Boring Experiment | Part Two: A Mid-Night Snack

Tagging: @nursedflowers / @kazusys

Beep. Beep. Beep.

 "Lately, a new all boys group going by the name of 5WIRL seems to be on the rise to stardom! In only two weeks their debut album, 'Alone With The Wind', has already charted as number five in The Billboard Global 200; an astonishing feat that has only ever been accomplished by the solo artist Scaramouche!"

 "Speaking of him, a new shocking piece of evidence has urged police to reopen the case regarding the sudden and tragic death of world-famous idol Y/n L/n. It has officially been revealed that L/n had a high dosage of prescription drugs in their system by the time of their death which have made police believe drove them to jumping."

"Furthermore, it's now being suspected that their death was not actually a suicide but instead a cruel setup. By who, you may wonder? Well, it's obviously none other than the love of their life Scaramouche himself! More about our thoughts after this commercial break—!"

With the click of a button the radio fell silent, allowing the quiet that once trespassed into the bedroom to seep back in. A groan of the one who was disturbed is as brief as their stretches as they sit up, their purple hair flopping in disarray around the sides of their face as they check the clock. It reads 3:12am.

It felt odd to wake up at such an hour seeming as it’s usually the time he's falling asleep. It pulls another groan out of him, but this one was wrapped in frustration rather than drowsiness. It was always a challenge to get to sleep in the first place let alone get back to sleep, especially after—

A growl rumbles through his core, interrupting his thoughts. Its origins are the center of his stomach; a consequence of deciding to lay around in bed instead of making dinner last night.

He decides his next move rather quickly; he might as well get a snack.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He's in the kitchen in another five minutes and snacking on some instant ramen in the next. He doesn't bother going back to his room, finding himself too famished to do anything except stuff his face—which he inevitably does.

His elbow brushes against the counter that he leans on as he raises the cup in his hand, lifting a large portion of noodles up with his wooden chopsticks in tandem, before immediately bringing it to his mouth and relishing in its bland taste.

 "Hmg...Kuni', is that you? Why are you up?"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He turns at the sound of the familiar voice—the sweet symphony of his beloved’s wrapped in the raspiness of sleepiness—and, upon turning, is greeted with the sight of your drooping eyes boring into his own.

 "Got hungry," He simply mumbled, his tongue feeling like a paper weight in his mouth. He tried his best to ignore the feeling.

You slowly walked up to him, your feet thudding against the floor as if being dragged down by an anchor. You reach him after ages, and when you do, he lifts his arms up and allows you the space to dip under them and slug your arms around his waist. As if your head weighed one thousand pounds, it immediately flops forward and collides with the soft fabric of his sweatshirt. Kunikuzushi immediately cages you, and after that, resumes his eating.

 “Don’t get food on me,” You warn, though you’re too tired to convey your words in a properly threatening way. Even if it did, his reaction would’ve been the same; rolling his eyes heavenwards.

 “Don’t insult me. Unlike you, my food actually goes into my mouth.”

The room fills with silence again after that...not really. Periodically, a series of slurps fill your ears; a product of your boyfriend being too eager to stuff his face which ultimately results in him having to suck up a long trail of ramen in one go. You don’t mind the sound though. In fact, you actually find the obnoxious noise pleasant and you’re sure that if it continued, it’d be able to serenade you back to sleep..

Then again, you’re so tired right now that a blow horn would probably have the same effect on you. The only thing you can imagine having the opposite effect on you right now would be—

A loud gurgle cuts through all other micro-noises in the room, its animalistic growl devouring any other sound and swallowing it whole so that when it fades there’s complete silence. A heartbeat of time passes before you finally open your eyes again, peering up at your boyfriend with a kitten-like gaze when you do. He exhales in an exasperated manner yet his arms lift regardless. You take the opportunity to slip from him, your grip loosening around his body until it fades altogether, allowing him to walk past you.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You were in the dining room now—if you could even call it that. Really it was just a cheap, foldable table the two of you shoved in the corner of the open kitchen along with some chairs.

You sat across from each other. Kunikuzushi—long finished with his cup of noodles—staring absentmindedly as you demolish the freshly-microwaved ramen cup with vigor. He watches in silence. His eyes follow the journey of your utensil as it twists and wraps the yellow strands around it until it’s sturdy enough to lift into the air before traveling slowly upwards. He catches every little twitch of eagerness your lips make before they finally open and allows the delicious, soft food into your mouth at last where he hears a loud crunch!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He blinks, the sharp noise forcing him from his daze and back to reality. His face then tightens, scrunching up from perplexment and overall discomfort at what he had just heard. You catch his expression by chance and noticing it has you looking up, your own look of confusion painted on your face.

 “What’s wrong?” You question, still chewing on the huge bite. He doesn’t answer you and simply stares at you with a narrowed gaze. It earns a scowl from you and another loud call of his name, “Kuni’!”

 “I can hear you,” He quickly snaps, “No need to yell.”

You can feel the end of your brows twitch, agitated by his tone and overall comment. Kunikuzushi notices, but doesn’t speak on it and instead listens to your soft munching until it eventually ceases.

 “If you heard me then you should’ve answered,” You grumbled, already preparing your next bite by forcing your utensil to twirl once again, “And you get an attitude when you were the one giving me strange looks.”

 “..Anyways..nightmares aren’t usually a common occurrence with you unless..” You find yourself hesitating to ask your question and decide to calm your nerves with another bite of food.

You bring your utensil up to your lips again, this bite is bigger than the last and you can see the thick, white steam admitting from each yellow strand. It singes the delicate skin of your lips when it gets near and you have no choice but to take the time to gently blow the steam away. It’s in that little time that you finally work up the courage to continue.

 “..Have you taken your meds?” You whisper the question into the darkness, your eyes glued to your noodles, too scared to watch his reaction take shape—to see his lips dip into a frown and his eyes darken with annoyance.

 “Yes, I took ‘em before I went to bed,” He grumbled. The lack of vexation in his voice coerces you to glance up at him. He simply looked exhausted, nothing more. It was a sight that was as surprising as it was relieving. You found yourself staring for longer than you probably should’ve. Kunikuzushi’s eyes quirk up and he catches your gaze, frowning when he does so. It’s only then that you realize how unconvinced you likely looked in that moment.

Alas, it was too late to fix your face because the damage had already been done. The love of your life was already looking away and flicking his hand, saying,  “You can go check if you want. I’m sure you know the exact number of pills I had in there.” 

His comment was deep with scorn and though his eyebags and lazy tone hid it well, you could tell you had hurt him to some degree. It made your heart sting, made your frown grow three times bigger, but you stood to your feet regardless. You might as well.

A moment of silence passes as you make your way to the kitchen, passing the table and ultimately him as you slowly make your way over to the specific cabinet near the fridge where the two of you kept all your bottled remedies. You reach for the handle and quickly realize that you had accidentally brought your noodle cup with you, seemingly too hungry to part with it. It makes you pause only for a moment, though, and ultimately, you switch hands, grab the handle, and swing the cabinet door open.

Medications of all kinds sit in the same place you had left them it seems, there varying lengths and thrown around locations making the small space seem like a mini junkyard. You scan each bottle, briskly reading the description of those whose initial appearance matched the particular bottle you were looking for only to quickly move on upon reading the first couple letters. You do that for some time, reading bottles, moving bottles, and even restarting the process once or twice…but it seems what you were looking for was nowhere to be found. It had completely disappeared. 

 “Kuni’,” You called. Having long set your cup of noodles aside and are now gripping both cabinet doors, which are both now wide open, by their knob handles. You hear his raspy hum—his sign of acknowledgement—and it’s then you finally say, “Where are the pills?”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

 “Should be on the second shelf,” He replied, “Well they aren’t,” You retorted.

 “Look again,” He tells you, “I’ve looked through the cabinet, like, three times already; they’re not in here,” You told him. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep!

 “I put the bottle back in the cabinet after I took one, it should be in there,” You heard him say. You could tell he was agitated. It was especially clear in his next words, “Do you think I’m lying?”

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

 “No,” You tried to say as sincerely as possible despite raising your voice. Though past experiences have made you doubtful, you do vaguely remember him convincing him to take them the other night and him getting up to go and take them.

Did he hide them then? The thought sits at the back of your mind, but you try to ignore it. Unfortunately, your subconscious suspicion must be blatant in your voice—more so than your heartfelt sincerity—because the next time he spoke, it was with the same irritability as before.

 “You think I’m lying,” His earlier question comes out as a firm statement and has you just about wincing upon hearing it. Kunikuzushi looks back at last and his eyes lock with your discomforted expression—a rather audacious look to have on your face in his opinion, seeming as you’re the one accusing him of doing wrong.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Seeing that your previous plan of diffusing the situation—and his anger—failed miserably, you move on to your next one, going on to ask in a cautious tone, “Why are you getting so worked up anyways? All I did was tell you that your medication wasn’t in the cabinet.”

 “Unless…Kunikuzushi, did you actually—” You stop yourself from letting the full sentence slip out, but it was futile. The rest of your question weighed heavy in the silence that followed, lingering in your boyfriend’s ears—his mind—until he finally exploded.

 “I took the fucking pills, aright?! I took them last night and then put them back in the cabinet! Them being gone now has nothing to do with me!”

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

  “I didn’t mean it like—” “Bullshit. You know exactly what you meant!”

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! 

 “Do you even think I took them? Because I did. You know why? Because someone wouldn’t stop bitching about it!” His screams bounce off the walls before reaching your ears. The volume has you flinching away from it.

You’re sure that if your neighbors weren’t out of town, you’d have a noise complaint taped to your front door come morning..

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

His voice suddenly dips, evening out to his normal tone yet still holds his anger as he spoke, “I’m not a child. I’m capable of doing things without you having to constantly keep up with me,” He turns his head away from the entranceway—from you—deciding to direct his glare to the table instead. Having such an intense gaze off of you felt like a drop of water in a desert; relieving. It allows you to breathe and move at last, albeit with trepidation, and you do so, slowly making your way over to him.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! ………..Beep.

You make it up to him relatively quickly even with your turtle-paced walk. You stop right behind him, but he doesn’t acknowledge the newfound proximity and continues to keep his back turned to you. You don’t feel disheartened by this. If anything, you found this a blessing. After all, it’s much harder to keep your voice from wavering when you have daggers pointed your way.

 “I’ll admit, for a moment, I did doubt you” You began, your hands reaching out for him, your shoulders relaxing when he allows you to slide your hands onto his shoulders. You grip at them, tenderly squeezing and massaging the tensing flesh underneath your fingertips as you continue on to say, “Even so, I believe you now. I mean, why else would you get so upset otherwise, right?”

Kunikuzushi remains silent so you assume that’s his way of giving you the green light to keep going. You take the chance, leaning in to plant a kiss to his scalp before muttering into it.

 “I don’t see you as some helpless kitten, but I just..I worry about you sometimes.. A lot of the time, actually. I always am. I never intended to come off as bossy. I do try to stress the importance of taking your medication and following up on your appointments with your therapist, but that’s only because I want to ensure you’re okay.” 

 “That still doesn’t give me a pass for my actions, though, and I hope that you’ll be able to forgive me. If not immediately, then maybe after some cuddles and a good night’s sleep?” You’re full on leaning into his back now and you’re certain that at this point you were likely leaning all your body weight onto him. It wasn’t entirely on purpose. In fact, you’re pretty confident in your assumption that those noodles digesting in your stomach had sucked away the little energy you had in you and were the cause of this, but you didn’t really mind. Not if he didn’t. 

 “I’m going to bed,” Is what he mutters instead of an apology for his overreaction—not that you expected one from him anyways. You stopped expecting and hoping for things like that a long time ago, as sad as that may be.

He sits up and you begrudgingly straighten up yourself. Too tired to even hold your head upright, your head droops as if it weighed the same as a sack of jewels. Having no choice but to stare downwards, you watch as the chair legs move back and his knees straighten out as he stands up. You slide back, allowing him space to walk past you. He does just that, but before he’s completely out of reach, he swings his arm back and hooks your fingers with his. It’s then that your eyes open to what he really said, or rather, what he wanted to say but couldn’t bring himself to.

 “I’m sorry. Let’s go to bed, please.”

You squeeze his hand once and never let go; silent proof of your acknowledgement and acceptance. Kunikuzushi, feeling your grip warming his hand, steps forward..only for his knees to suddenly become jelly underneath his skin.

His legs buckle for a mere moment before he collapses, ultimately dragging you down with him. Your descent is short, yet you still stare at him as if you two had just fallen off the side of a mountain and managed to survive the fall unscathed; bewildered and fearful.

 “Are you okay?” Your lips move faster than your brain can process what just happened. Your limbs do too, your free hand coming up to cup his cheek. Kunikuzushi leans into your touch instinctively only to soon after peel it away from his slicken skin; a contradicting action, one of many that made up the person you loved.

 “I’m..” He meant to say fine, but slurred incoherency replaced the word instead. It made your brows furrow, made your worries grow sky high, but as you fixed your lips to ask him more questions, he suddenly leaned against you and it was then that you finally realized the problem.

Your poor baby was tired—no, exhausted. So much so that he could barely even walk.

You sigh—more so out of relief than anything else—as you force yourself onto your feet once again. You help him up, and despite the feeling of him leaning against you feeling like a boulder crushing you, you slung his arm around your shoulder before beginning to walk step by step to your safe haven—the place you both often yearned for when you wanted to escape from the world; your shared bedroom.

In a matter of minutes, the two of you were wrapped under the gentle heat of thick covers while your heads were caressed by the soft plush of your pillows.

At last, you two found peace. You especially felt relaxed at the warmth of the noodles you ate earlier feeling like a fireplace in your stomach, though it did little to improve your overall circulation. Nevertheless, it fueled your drowsiness, gave you a push as you crept to the edge of the hill of sleepiness, just about tipped you off the edge that led down to the bottomless abyss you’ve come to call dreamville.

But how could one properly sleep with their goodnight kiss?

 “Goodnight, Kuni..” You whispered, eyes just barely open as you lazily craned your head upwards. Kunikuzushi, as if having read your thoughts, was already leaning in.

You meet at a point and your lips connect and grow slick in an instant by each others’ saliva. His mouth starts tingling, quickly spreading to his tongue. It felt as if someone had spit already chewed up food into his mouth. It forces a grimace onto his face that’s barely visible even when he pulls away. In the end, as you turn on your side, he tries to swallow down. He struggles. His saliva feels like a soggy chunk of ramen, but he manages to succeed. Unfortunately for him, the taste lingers, and in the end, he forces himself to ignore the sickening feeling and taste altogether.

He grumbles out a similar phrase of wishing you a peaceful night's sleep, finding himself licking his lips as he does so. His tongue brushes along his lips, swiping up the thick slick that coats it. With his eyes closed, he doesn’t notice its color and though it burns his tongue and makes him want to vomit just like your kiss did he, again, pays it no mind. Though his reason this time was because he simply had no other choice, too tired to even open his eyes.

He begins drifting off to sleep. His strength fades first; starting from the tip of his toes and slowly making its way up to his face—which felt as if it had been splashed by a bucket of water. It felt damp, just as it did earlier when he woke up. Was it sweat? If so, how long had he been sweating?

....He’ll find his answers tomorrow, surely.

His body seems to fall asleep before his mind could catch up, and because of that, he remained awake despite his eyes and sense of touch having long left him. It feels weird—discomforting even—to feel so numb and only be able to hear the slow thumping of his heart. Though it was still a paradise when compared to his sleep paralysis moments he’d have at times.

All things must come to an end at some point though, good or bad. This is no exception. Slowly, the beat of his heart slowed to a point a turtle could beat it in a race before it stopped altogether. What quickly followed that was his fade in consciousness—which felt as though he was falling down a deep, clean hole. Nothing to grasp at, nothing to feel.. Nothing to guide him but the eerie sense of weightless chilling his bone marrow.

And just before he hit the bottom he heard your voice, suddenly felt your touch, and it was as if every negative thing that was happening to him in that moment had vanished..

 “No matter what happens, Kuni’, I’ll always love you and stay by your side. I’m not going anywhere, so please, sleep without worry so that when you awake again, you’ll be able to properly relish in the sun.”

………………….Beep………………….

 “Tonight, many are mourning the depressing news regarding the worldwide music sensation, Scaramouche—real name Kunikuzushi—who was found dead in his vacation home this morning.”

 “They say that friends of the artist had grown concerned due to his sudden drop in communication and decided to pay him a visit after he missed an important get-together that had been planned months ahead of time. When they arrived at his vacation home, they found that all the lights were off and the door unlocked which spurred them to investigate and eventually find him dead in his bed, choking on his own blood and vomit.”

 “It is reported that his cause of death was caused by severe overdose likely triggered by the chewing and ingesting of Amitriptyline. With the discoveries made so far, Police suspect his death of being a suicide and that he had to be dead for at least a few days before he was discovered.”

 “It causes many to wonder; could his sudden death have been related to the Y/n L/n case? Possibly driven by his own guilt? Or did his now missing manager have something to do with this? More about our thoughts on tonight's talk show after this commercial break!”

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest, post formatting is inspired by @xxsabitoxx