#I NEEDED to write Arthur experiencing something nice after 43

[busybeeblogs]

Go With Your Gut

Description: Written purely to fulfill my fantasy of Arthur getting the rare opportunity to sit down to a proper meal. Also I KNOW in my heart Marie wouldn’t have let him leave without pulling out the special granny move “tasty homemade food.”

Fandom: Malevolent (Podcast)

Characters: Arthur Lester, John Doe, Marie Pilon

CW: Hunger, wounds and scars mentioned, non-nsfw nudity, descriptions of a malnourished body, descriptions of neglecting one’s needs.

Canon compliant: Takes place a few hours after Chapter 39 and before Arthur leaves for Red Hook with Noel.

Word Count: 3.1k

“She’s staring you down, Arthur. She knows you’re outnumbered. It’s your rook and bishop versus her queen, rook and knight. If we can back her into a corner we’ll have a way to get her in checkmate, but to do that…”

“…I’d have to stop defending my King.” Arthur murmured aloud as John outlined the stakes.

“…You’re going to have to make a move at some point, Parker.”

Arthur sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll go with my gut on this one then.” Arthur moved his bishop to take Marie’s knight, and after a moment’s grief, she simply moved her rook across the board.

“Checkmate.”

“What?” Arthur scanned the board, as if he had any way of seeing what she did.

John verified the move for him: “Oh. Her rook and queen have you Arthur, I think she was waiting for you to take her knight so she could move her rook.”

“Goddamn it.”

“Language, Parker.” Marie scolded, glancing over at the grandfather clock as it began to chime. Arthur counted: one, two, three, four.

“Four o’ clock already? Gracious, I best get to making dinner.” Marie said with a start, hoisting herself out of her seat as Arthur began to gather up the chess pieces. “You said your evening plans aren’t until later on, yes?”

“Not until a quarter to nine.”

“Well, in that case I’ll make enough for the both of us.” She insisted.

Arthur blinked, closing the embellished box the chess pieces went in and setting it back on the shelf. “Marie, there’s really no need for that, I couldn’t possibly impose on a meal-“ Marie’s face suddenly turned quite serious, and she cut him off by jabbing a finger into his chest. She hit bone.

“Something about you has irked me since the moment you set foot in my home, Parker…” Arthur held his breath. “You look as if you’ve gone far too long without a proper meal. Now I called off my dinner plans, but dinner still must be had. And as my houseguest and companion for the evening, I expect you to eat with me. Am I clear?” Arthur nodded, and Marie took her hand back after repeatedly jabbing it into his sternum. Arthur let out his breath and rubbed the sore spot she left.

“You ought to listen to your gut when it comes to food, not chess dear. I could hear your tummy rumbling during our game.” She noted before shuffling off towards the kitchen. Arthur flushed.

“Oh. My apologies, I-“

“Parker.” Arthur’s head swiveled towards the sound of her voice. “Do wash up before coming to the table.”

“Yes, Marie.” Arthur sighed, and as soon as she disappeared into the kitchen, he sunk back into his chair.

“She’s right, you know.” John chimed in suddenly, causing Arthur to chuckle.

“About which part? Needing a meal or needing a wash?”

“Both, I’m sure.” Arthur rolled his eyes. “But I know you haven’t eaten in quite some time. Your stomach was making a lot of noise.”

As if responding to John’s mention of it, Arthur’s stomach grumbled, and he winced as he slid his hand from his chest to rest idly on his belly.

“I was hoping you two were ignoring it…” He murmured sourly, as if his being hungry had been a secret he didn’t want to get out. “But I suppose I’ve been ignoring it enough my own. God, when did I last eat?”

John thought for a moment. “I think it must have been in Poughkeepsie. You stopped at that pizzeria.”

“Yes! Oh, that pizza was divine.” His stomach rumbled again under his palm, the talk of food stirring his appetite. “And I was planning to eat dinner on the train to the city, but then, the Butcher…”

“…Yes.” John ended the thought, not allowing it to go further than that. “That was two days ago, Arthur.”

“Was it really?” Arthur suddenly sat upright from his slouch. “With everything that happened, it feels like it’s been a week.”

“A very long week.” John agreed. “You really should try to eat more often, Arthur. I know you’ve moved on to Larson and The Order but, you’re still weak from The Pits.”

Arthur shuddered and stood up suddenly, starting towards the stairs.

“I’ve been trying to-”

“Left.”

Arthur turned, finding the railing and using it to support himself as he climbed up the steps.

“Thank you. As I was saying,” Arthur was already winded. “I’ve been trying to eat more often, but it feels like whenever we’re in the thick of something like this, it’s always the last thing on my mind.” Arthur paused for a moment at the top landing, but didn’t dare let himself linger for more than a moment before he shoved off into the bathroom. “Perhaps that’s why I enjoyed our time traveling so much, albeit brief.”

“What do you mean?” John questioned as Arthur shut the bathroom door and ran the shower, undoing his tie as he waited for the water to heat up.

“Well… I suppose it was just the first time since all this began where I had the chance to, pay attention to my needs.” Arthur’s voice echoed pleasantly off the bathroom tiles. He began unbuttoning his shirt, and John’s hand sprung to help him. “I’ve been fighting and running for months, and as soon as I wasn’t entirely consumed with fear or rage or grief, so after we left Addison, really… I had the chance to feel everything else. How hungry I was, how tired I was, how badly I wanted a shower.” He chuckled, testing a hand in the water before slipping his undergarments off and stepping under the stream.

“It just felt nice to be able to take care of myself.” Arthur began scrubbing vigorously at his skin with a bar of soap. “And I hope after all this business with the order is over I can… Return to some sort of normal routine.”

Arthur sighed with relief as he stepped under the warm water to wash the soap off, positively relishing the feeling. “And call me spoiled all you want, but I truly miss having my own bath.”

As Arthur lowered his head to wet his hair under the water, John took the opportunity to survey his body. John was responsible for every one of the wounds he could see; every single scar, the fresh bullet wound in his shoulder, the pinky he was missing. He was well aware of just how much Arthur had been hurt in their time together: He’d been there with him for all of it. It almost seemed like he couldn’t go a day without a brush with death, and all of those encounters had left a mark, be it physical or mental. But John was often guilty of overlooking just how much everything else had been hurting Arthur this entire time. His lack of sleep, proper hygiene, and perhaps most glaringly upon looking at his body: His lack of a proper diet.

Arthur was thin. That in and of itself wan’t new, Arthur had been thin since John first laid eyes on him, hence why he was so hesitant to believe the man actually had the capability to physically intimidate someone like he had earlier today. And as much as Arthur didn’t like thinking about it, the effect of three months of starvation was just as evident on his body as his scars. He was pale, and his paper-thin skin was stretched taut over bones and a frankly pathetic layer of muscle. His knees were knobby, his arms were twiggy, his stomach was nearly caved in. Sometimes John wondered how Arthur even had the energy to get through the hurdles they’d overcome, because he was consistently running on so little.

And that was John’s fault too.

“I’m… Sorry, Arthur.” Arthur tilted his head as he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair.

“Sorry for what?” Arthur asked, closing his eyes as he stuck his face in the water.

“For…” John sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. “Not properly taking your needs into account.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow as he reached out to shut the water off. “John, if you’re trying to apologize for how long it’s been since I’ve had a proper shower-“

“No, it’s not that, though you do complain about it a lot…” John rumbled. “I just… It’s hard for me to grasp, the constant attention you pay to things like hygiene and eating and sleeping-“

“Well it’s because I need to do all those things to survive, John.” Arthur said matter-of-factly, throwing a towel over his head and scrubbing his hair dry. “And it’s not exactly fun for me to, be without.”

“I know, I know.” John held his tongue. He wasn’t going to snap at Arthur right now. “I know it hurts you, but I don’t, know what you’re feeling exactly. I’ve never been hungry, or tired-“

“No need to brag about it.” Arthur grumbled as he wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower to tame his hair.

“That’s not what I’m trying to say.” John huffed. “I know you bear the brunt of, the adversity we face. This is your body after all, and after millennia of never having to stop to sleep or eat or even consider the concept of bathing myself, I have trouble adjusting to, living life at a human pace. I know you have to stop to regain your energy but in that time, I have to stop too. And it can be… frustrating, because I still fail to conceptualize what being hungry or sleep-deprived is like, and therefore it is hard for me to grasp your need to stop for food or rest.” John was rambling. He had to get to his point before he inevitably dug himself some sort of hole. “What I’m trying to say is, I can see the toll it all takes on you. The starvation, the sleepless nights. You shouldn’t be as, deprived as you are, and it’s partly my fault. I know we’re in the middle of something far bigger than both of us right now, and we’re both focused on it. But I should still be making sure you’re, taking care of yourself. We shouldn’t both be neglecting what your body needs.”

Arthur blinked, and set his comb down on the edge of the sink. And, leaning forward, he looked into his own eyes in the mirror: Even though he was blind, it was as if he was looking directly at John, and John was staring right back at his face.

“When I was in college, I had a massive paper due in two days.” Not the response John had expected. “I hadn’t started it at all. It was a research paper, I needed sources, it had to be thirty pages: It was an absolute monster of an assignment and I had a weekend to do it. So, I buckled down. I locked myself in my room and only came out to make myself coffee. Getting up and making the coffee as opposed to the coffee itself is probably what kept me awake that entire time. Though I was still quite jittery…” Arthur chuckled. “Anyways, I stayed up the entire weekend to write that paper. I refused to eat, sleep or speak to anyone. My head stayed completely in the books. But I remember being so tired I kept falling asleep at my desk and smacking my head on the table, I could barely keep my eyes open for some of it and when I could, I just felt like I was in a haze… Every part of me just felt so, heavy. Everything was telling me to crawl into bed but I just didn’t let myself. I did find that being that hungry does have a way of keeping you awake, but only because it’s incredibly difficult to sleep on an empty stomach. When you’re that hungry, and doing work that requires all of your brainpower, it felt like whenever I stopped thinking about the task at hand I was thinking about food. And that’s to say nothing of how much my stomach was aching, or how dizzy I was whenever I stood up. Compared to what we’ve been through since it seems quite tame really… But, I do have a habit of pushing my needs to the wayside when something needs to get done. I get a sort of, tunnel vision, as you know.”

“I’m well aware.” John confirmed. “But, why did you tell me that story?”

“To help you better conceptualize what it’s like. All the human things you’re not used to.” Arthur paused. “And because you’re right. If I’m to get us both around we can’t both ignore my body. If it gives out, I think we’re just about screwed.”

John chuckled, relief flooding through him as he did so. Arthur wasn’t mad. “I’m glad you agree. I can’t say I envy your position… Did you finish your paper?”

“Yes, but as soon as I was done I ate the biggest breakfast I’d ever had and passed out for fourteen hours, completely missing the deadline to turn it in.”

John laughed, fully this time. It was loud and long and filled Arthur’s entire head. “Well, I think you’re long overdue for something to eat by now. Finish washing up for dinner.”

“Right, right.” Arthur said excitedly, scrambling to get his clothes back on. “I do promise it’s not all bad though. I understand your point of being frustrated with having to stop, hence my story.” Arthur slipped his belt on. John had helped him poke extra holes in it. “But, some of the best sleep is had after an especially tiring day; and they say hunger is the best seasoning. Taking care of oneself doesn’t just mean it needs to get done, it should also be enjoyed. Warm baths, proper meals, one cannot live on bread alone.”

“I understand. You really are spoiled.” John said pointedly. “Your tie is crooked.”

“Oh, shut up.” Arthur rolled his eyes and adjusted his tie. “You’re just jealous I’m about to enjoy a delicious meal and talk to someone other than you for awhile.”

“Perhaps.” John said flatly as Arthur exited the bathroom and made his way back down the steps. The smell of cooking had filled the entire downstairs, and in an instant, Arthur’s appetite roared to life like a rekindled fire. He was sure didn’t need to explain to John how hungry he was at the moment: He certainly heard his stomach grumbling.

“I hope you’re hungry, Parker.” Marie called from the dining room, where she was laying out table settings for the both of them. Arthur followed her voice into the room and nodded.

“You have no idea.” She didn’t really.

“Well then. I’ve made my roasted chicken, potatoes and greens. One of Albert’s favorites. Take a seat, it’ll be out of the oven in a moment.”

“You don’t need any help?” Arthur asked, polite as always.

“No no dear, I have it covered.” Marie waved him off as she disappeared back into the kitchen to retrieve the food.

“Sit down.” John demanded. “Take it easy while you can, Arthur.”

“Well now, you adapt quickly.” Arthur sat.

“We have a big night ahead. You deserve all the rest you can get.”

“If you insist. Y’know, I think I can get used to this kind of treatment…” Arthur snickered as he folded his napkin in his lap.

“Don’t push it.”

“Here we are.” Marie proclaimed as she set the serving dish in the center of the table. Arthur wished he could see it, because it certainly smelled good. John got the hint.

“Arthur, she’s brought out a heap of well-seasoned red potatoes mixed with roasted chicken and greens.” John then blanked, unsure of how to describe the food further than what it was. He didn’t know what it tasted like, or what the texture was like.

But his brief description seemed to be enough to stir Arthur into immediately reaching for the serving spoon as soon as Marie was sat down. She got to it before he did, and picked it up to whack his hand away.

“Ow!”

“We say grace in this household, Parker.”

“Oh… My apologies.” John’s hand rubbed Arthur’s, but quickly folded together and came to rest on the table as Marie bowed her head.

“Bless us oh Lord, for health and food, for love and friends, for everything thy goodness sends. Amen.”

“Amen.” Arthur muttered after a short pause, loosely making the sign of the cross and letting Marie take her serving first. He let John scoop a heaping serving onto his plate, and he dug in as soon as his fork was in his hand.

Arthur moaned around his first bite, going in for a second before he was even through chewing the first. Once he was a couple bites in and had the good sense to breathe, John spoke up.

“Describe it to me.”

“What?” Arthur whispered, taking another bite.

“Describe how it tastes. How it smells. I’m curious, you have two senses that I have no experience with, and I’d like to know how one goes about describing food.”

“But, I- Marie…”

“Yes?” Marie questioned from across the table, hearing her name. Arthur sighed.

“Marie.” He addressed her clearly, setting his fork down. “This food is… Outstanding. The chicken is tender and chewy, the potatoes are crispy and tasty on the outside, and soft on the inside… The greens are seasoned perfectly. All of it is, the garlic and herbs bring everything together wonderfully. I knew I was in for a treat as soon as I came downstairs and smelled this, savory medley…” Both John and Marie were listening to Arthur closely. His voice was quiet, sounding almost on the verge of breaking. Arthur managed to keep it steady. “This is truly one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time. Thank you so much, for having me.”

There was silence for a moment. Arthur heard Marie set her own fork down.

“She’s smiling, Arthur.”

“It’s a pleasure to be able to cook for someone who enjoys it so much.” Arthur smiled back. “I’ve found that good food can heal most woes, especially when paired with good company. So thank you Parker.”

“No really, thank you Marie, you have no idea how much I-“

“Clear your plate, Parker.” She interrupted before he could get carried away.

“Right.” He responded, looking back down and diving back into his food.

And for the first time, both Arthur and John enjoyed a good meal.

[jjpmoans]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @prettywordsyouleft and @itsallabigmess bcs these two unnies really love me

1. What takes too much of your time?

Social media (yes that includes tumblr)

2. What makes your day better?

These days, Jinyoung. Lol okay so I am a very talkative one. So yeah, talking to someone will immediately makes me feel less stressful.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

Just now @itsallabigmess made an exception for me to write a GOT7 fic asdfghjkl I FEEL A LITTLE TOO OVER HAPPY

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

I think almost all my friend would have guess this. Hogwarts. Because the food there seems to be endless and really, I’d love to try eating both drumsticks in my hand and I want to put an incantation to whoever tries to hold me from eating.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

Well, I think I am. Judging from how my whole family turned to me when they wanted to share their problems. Also when I gave advises, I always stresses this one thing “Listen to understand, don’t listen to reply” and that implies to me too. And honestly, I listen too much and sometimes when people just don’t want to change, I feel really annoyed BECAUSE WHAT IS THE POINT YOU WANTED MY ADVISE???? Okay I think I’m good. hahahhahhaha

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Horny 24/7 is that a mental illness? lmao no I’m not that bad but I think I need to get married. NOW.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Not yet. In my country, people describe sleep paralysis as you got crushed by some spirit (ghost to be exact) and yes it is scary and I hope I would never experience it.

8. What musician inspired you the most?

I’ve been thinking a lot and though I really want to say GOT7, I’d say EXO. Partly because I was there since early times, but also, the amount of success and loyalties they have received are really unbelievable. The secret of EXO’s and BTS’s popularity which leads them to win daesang in every award is their fans. And I really hope ahgase can be like them. I’d be lying if I say our fandom is really hardworking when it comes to award season. I’ve seen my friend bullshitting EXO and BTS bcs whenever any of them is nominated in the same award of GOT7, automatically, GOT7 will lose. And no joke, army and exol are really monsters during award season. And I hope us ahgase can be like that too. I know got7 said they didn’t mind but Jinyoung once said that he want to know how those groups can win daesang easily and he thought got7 need to work harder. smh I’m emo. sorry this got longer than it should. 

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I do. Hahahahhahaha yes I do. 

10. What’s your dream date?

Well for me, just talking with each other is a date. I love to know small details because when I love someone, I just want to know everything about him. But okay a dream date? Amusement park. Yes you need to know which ride makes me scream like a girl and which makes me scream like a mad woman.

11. What do others notice about you?

I’m very talkative (that really shows lol). And I don’t know how to refuse when someone ask for a help or anything. I always tell myself to treat people the way I want to be treated. 

And they said I’m too nice. Yeah I figured that too hahahahhaa

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

Refuse to listen when I’m angry. I feel annoyed because I know I’m wrong but I’m angry but I don’t want to hurt people. So I’ll say “Sorry, I’m very angry now but I know I’m wrong. Just, I’ll be okay later so we’ll talk later”

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Yes and no. Our last conversation was he wanted to meet me. But ever since then, no other conversation.

14. How many ex’s do you have?

Can’t relate lol

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

Here’s the thing. I have a lot of playlists. Phone playlist, laptop playlist, joox playlist and youtube playlist. So I don’t know how many of them.

16. What instruments can you play?

Non existent.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

My phone? Now? Jinyoung smh this is all Tumblr’s fault lol. 

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Mecca. I’d like to die there if I can.

19. What is your zodiac?

Virgo. And please, someone, please help me calculate whatever thing it was (sun sign, moon sign and all) I never knew those things and it irks me when I don’t know it hahahahhaaa

20. Do you relate to it?

Well I did some research here, Virgo firstly is a virgin and yes I am. It says that virgo is very supportive of people in their lives and even strangers, that is me. I’m a critical thinker bcs I personally hate when something goes wrong. but lol hardworking, artists and remembers everything? Not even close. I’m a lazy ass, I draw a cow but it turned into a pig and I am hopeless with my memory.

But one Virgo thing about me, yes I am an overthinker hahahahhaa

21. What is happiness to you?

When my family reunited.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Family problem. Mom just got heart attack, dad married another woman, brother on crisis with mom, sister just stabbed my back, aunt made everything worse. It’s been three months into 2019, every week, another family problem popped up. But we are trying, I tried to fix everything, another role which the smallest child has to take upon responsibility but I’m fine. Just, tiring.

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

applied for the wrong scholarship and wasted an opportunity to fly to New Zealand for study.

24. What’s your favourite store?

Food stores. Any of them. ARE MY FAVOURITE ahhahahhaha

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

Because I’m a muslim, I am against abortion. Here, in my country, abortion is done because it was done out of wedlock and they feel embarrassed. So, it irks me bcs if you can think to have sex, you can’t think that there is possibilities that you can get pregnant? And to kill your child bcs you wanted to cover it, is unacceptable. But again, it is personal choice. 

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

I have a few but not enough to be a bucket. 

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Honestly, if favourite means I have listened to all songs in that album, it’s EXO The War album. 

28. What do you want for your birthday?

A freaking big plushie. I love to hug big plushies. But no one ever wanted to give me that for my birthday. And now, I’ve been searching for a big squirtle plushie or snorlax plushie (yes jackson and jaebum)

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

okay this one lol they said I look scary and they thought I’d be the grumpy one. Well, if you meet me when I’m hungry, I have the tendency to be one.

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

I don’t know anymore. An aunt asked me “Are you the one who got married?” when it was my sister smh 

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

next to my pillow bcs I need to charge it.

32. what word do you say the most?

me? I say “shit” a lot lol

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

well I would say I definitely date anyone as long as they are not the same age with my dad.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

idk I never thought on dating a younger one. But if I do, maybe 4 years younger bcs damn, if I make it 10 years, my date would be 12 when me here is 22.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

something which requires me to talk a lot. 

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

K-Pop.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

South Korea. New Zealand. Anywhere but Malaysia lol.

38. What is your current favourite song?

Say you won’t let go - James Arthur

39. How long have you had this blog for?

I had this blog for a few years. But just becoming active just recently hmm I don’t know the exact date. But I know it started after I interacted with @prettywordsyouleft

40. What are you excited for?

Food. and sponsored vacation

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

A better talker. but also a pretty good listener

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Last sunday, i climbed a 200m hill to get to the view point. It got me panting like a dying cow.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

While I don’t celebrate Christmas, I welcome gifts. Any gifts would be fine lol (make sure its food)

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

High school? Chemistry. College? Mathematic. Now? Nothing hahahahaha

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

5 and exhausted but tomorrow? 10 BECAUSE A JINYOUNG IS COMING

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

10 years I just hope that I am already working and saving money to go on vacations and can sponsor my family on vacations too.

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

2009 when I discovered that dad has another wife. I was 12 and just got my exam result but dad wasn’t there. He was never present for any of my achievements in school. Turns out he has another child the same age as me and he puts her before me. Since I was born, I was always put second.

2011 when I liked a guy but he hated me awh teenagers. He said I’m too fat and how dare a fat girl like me tries to like him? He was my first love.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

When I am ready. I have a dream wedding, so I would work hard for it to happen.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

Idk I always change it lol today i’ll say teacher and next day I’ll say ballerina. Yes I spent my whole school life giving different careers when teachers asked me.

50. What do you crave right now?

Food bcs I’m on diet and hell those food porns are getting on my nerves.

Phew it was a good time answering all these questions and it drains my energy lol. So for this, hmm I don’t know who to tag. But i’ll go with this one @sevenpeaches @riceeater22 @tuanyiems @kpopchangedme @kpopstories @starhibiki @ongsung @sehunsmybae (yes I always saw you) and everyone who want to do this! of course, you are not forced to do this

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

“Telling” Asks

Because I’m relaxing today and I’ve never answered some of these before.

From: https://beyondthetemples-ooc.tumblr.com/post/185158056997/weird-asks-that-say-a-lot

--

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups would be ideal, but the reality is more water bottles.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Honestly? Neither. (Unless it's a really good chocolate bar, like 85% dark, or Cadbury's~)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Both are too sweet for me. (Though, maybe once a year, I'll indulge in one of each.)

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Bottles, if it's not soda! (Good for multi-tasking and not spilling!) But otherwise, glass cups. Unless the plastic ones are really pretty or have a very nice grippy shape to them.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? Oh always goth, all the way. Technically a more "formal" goth (romantigoth is the label i'd choose if i HAD to pick one),

7. earbuds or headphones? That depends. When I'm active, or when it's hot outside? Earbuds. But when travelling, trying to work in a loud environment, or generally needing sound cancellation: definitely headphones.

8. movies or tv shows? Oh, that REALLY depends on the content. Movies are easier on the ADD, and most TV shows are paced TERRIBLY in the long-running format, but then there's, like... cartoons, basically, that have satisfying stories in each episode AND a great overarching plot.

9. favorite smell in the summer? Pre-Thunderstorm Static.

10. game you were best at in p.e.? I wasn't the best at ANY game in PE... ;P Honestly, my best "game" was probably....... tag, but the kind where they're running away from you as a form of bullying, so you just embrace it and "touch" them just to mess with them.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? I don't. (I don't feel hungry most mornings.) "First lunch" is usually a piece of fruit and maybe a granola bar.

12. name of your favorite playlist? I don't do "playlists", I do "play every album by this artist in chronological order"! But I guess my Epica and Evanescence stations on Pandora come pretty close, huh?

13. lanyard or key ring? Neither actually; I use those bungee-like things you can stretch to hold my things. I literally attach my wallet to my bag's handle with those so I don't lose it.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? Peppermint? Candied ginger? Do s'mores count?~

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? Oh DAMN that's hard... Let's see. If AR Summer Reading projects count: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? The Invisible Thread (by Yoshiko Uchida)? Fahrenheit 451? And if those don't count, maybe The Scarlet Letter (by Hawthorne, of course).

16. most comfortable position to sit in? Your classic lotus position. I'm essentially in it right now.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? Work shoes, but outside of work? Black flip flops.

18. ideal weather? Realistically: 65, light breeze, and lots of clouds with a little rain. But my absolute FAVORITE weather was something I've only ever seen ONCE, and that was a thunderstorm in the middle of a snowstorm. It was incredible and the image of lightning against the snowfall is forever seared into the core of my soul as one of the most gorgeous things I've ever experienced.

19. sleeping position? Varies night by night. Safe to call it a general Flop.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? It depends on the draft! First drafts are best done for me in notebooks (usually, unless it's a scene with No Chronology Yet, it's in the notebook meant for the story)! But also, anything that's on hand whenever a new scene strikes me works too. I've written on napkins, calendar pages, doctor notes, and Greyhound bus tickets.

21. obsession from childhood? Ooh, Teen Titans, still to this day!

22. role model? ...Rrrraven? (And/or, my Actual Mentors. But it's very much a "don't be me, just let us try to teach you some things so you can be the Best You".)

23. strange habits? ...oh gods, where do I even begin. I meditate and practice energy work on the daily. I touch things almost any time I'm walking anywhere, like just reach my hands out a little and touch whatever's closest. I tend to ask a lot of questions when I'm talking to someone, lots of "why is that". I compulsively read Every Single Ingredient on every box I buy and research anything I'm not familiar with. Does taking like 15 pills and vitamins every day count? And also my "nesting" behavior, any time I'm somewhere I feel it's not rude to re-arrange, I grab pillows and blankets for support.

24. favorite crystal? Damnit, all my favorite stones are actually not "crystals"?! But crystalline azurite is close enough. (It kind of depends on the day and what energy I'm looking for. Stone/crystal work is another one of those weird habits. ;P )

25. first song you remember hearing? The "Arthur" themsong. I remember going to my mother and being like, "They said A! A is a letter!" And it wasn't for another, like, 3-5 years that I'd realize, they're saying "hey", not "A".

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay inside. (Anything that counts as "warm" rather than "cool" is too warm for me....) But if I had to pick ONE thing, definitely swimming, in a lake (because I have a mild chlorine allergy).

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? ALL of them! Just being outside as long as it's not too sunny! Hiking, meditating, I used to do all my spiritual rituals outside, reading, walking, hell even at work when we have dogs to take on walks, I love walking in the park with them. Being outside when it's snowing. And then curling up in my room, on my soft bed, with a cup of tea and a book (or a great fanfic) after...

28. five songs to describe you? Teen Titans themesong, Bakura's Theme, What's the Use of Feeling (Blue) 1. End of the Dream, by Evanescence [ x ] 2. My Demons, by Starset [ x ] 3. Underneath, by Tarja [ x ] 4. Paradise (What About Us), Within Temptation ft. Tarja [ x ] 5. Reality Fringe, by Alex Dalliance

29. best way to bond with you? Talking, communicating, while respecting boundaries, with patience and sincerity.

30. places that you find sacred? Honestly, the biggest answers are a part of the Nexus and I don't think I'm ready to talk about that here;; Let's just say, astral adventures have gotten wild enough that my spirit guide and I have meeting places that are sacred, my leader-goddess has shown me a few places, and there are some "places" within my own mindscape that are sacred enough.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Oh honey, that depends entirely on my mood. And the situation. I have multiple cloaks, some closet cosplays, I wear skirts every day, business jackets, and I can mix and match them however I please. It REALLY depends on whose ass I'm kicking.

32. top five favorite vines? I know I really like Thomas Sanders? But specifics-- Oh. Oh crap, wait I have to visit my vines tag to remember my favorites. DEFINITELY "This bitch empty. YEET" because I didn't know the vine OR exclamation before I saw a fanart that had me DYING OF LAUGHTER, thinking someone just made Blue Diamond yell the word "YEET" for no reason. "FREE-shuh-VAH-cuhdu" makes me die every time. "There's only one thing worse... A CHILD" is TOP QUALITY, genuinely hits at least 3 critical notes of my sense of humor. I love the one with the guys playing the piano (I don't know what genre but it's old-school and chill) and the guy comes in and starts club dancing to it. And the umbrella one with, "Run".

33. most used phrase in your phone? ...probably "if you want"?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? I haven't seen an ad in literally years. (get uBlock Origin, it works way better than adblock! also, i don't Internet on my phone.)

35. average time you fall asleep? 11pm? (Work nights: 9-10:30, depending on my exhaustion levels. Not work nights? 1-3am.)

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? The actual LOLcats website!

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Neither; I actually use a mid-sized messenger bag and only use Personal Item Sized Bags for airplane trips. Free baggage, y'all. ;P

38. lemonade or tea? Oh tea, definitely tea. (Unless it's too-sweet iced black tea; then that watermelon mint lemonade wins.)

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Iiii actually can hardly eat either one, but Starbucks' lemon loafs were addictive (but really bad for my system) and I do love lemon meringue flavored things~

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? M e . (I did weird shit like practice reading auras, accidentally warp the moodscape of everyone around me, and get an A on a pop quiz the teacher didn't lecture about for more than five minutes.)

41. last person you texted? An old high school friend I recently reconnected with.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket, since I don't wear pants (unless work forces me to, ew).

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? I have no idea what differentiates them. =w=;; Cardigan probably, because I know they have really long flowy elegant ones I like to wear sometimes.

44. favorite scent for soap? ...ooh, that's tough... Lavender's always a good bet, rosemary-mint was a delight, I cucumber-eucalyptus was nice, and I have no idea what scent it was, but a local soap-maker at the farmer's market in the city I lived in for a couple years had this one that was made with, like, honey and red clay, and it felt AMAZING.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Damnit, don't make me CHOOSE like this! I mean, for writing obviously Superhero because I write fanfics like hell for that genre, but I guess my Pokemon fanfics count as fantasy? And, come to think of it, most of my stories center around metaphysical weirdness is some way or other, so... straddling the line between fantasy and superhero.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Nudity.

47. favorite type of cheese? ...provolone maybe? ??

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? Pomegranate, probably. Gotta do some work to get to the good stuff, strangely unavailable most of the time, and once you get past all the drawbacks, it's just absolutely loaded with compartmentalized goodness.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? Bold of you to assume I only have one quote! Here's just a small sampling. ~ "Don't you want to feel? Don't you want to live your life? How much longer are you gonna give into the fear?" -Disappear, by Evanescence. ~ "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." -Edgar Allen Poe ~ "Be yourself, everyone else is already taken." -Oscar Wilde ~ "Guilt is a powerful motivator. Redemption, even greater." -The Unforgiving, by Within Temptation et al. "When you know in your soul who you are, you can never be corrupted again." -Raven, from the Games graphic novel. + Various quotes from my organization, along the lines of things like "Any Tom, Dick, or Harry can do your job, but only you can be there for your friends, family, and accomplish your dreams", and "When you understand WHY we do what we do, WHAT we do makes more sense".

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? My girlfriend? Most of those vines I mentioned? "OH TITS IT CAN FLY"?

51. current stresses? j o b

52. favorite font? Arial, simple yet elegant. Easy to read. I write all my stories in Arial, so I'm biased. l3

53. what is the current state of your hands? They're in Ohio with the rest of me? 8F No, but seriously, lowkey aching a bit around the finger joints from constantly dragging dogs around for a whopping 60 hours this week, but they're not burned and there's only one Tiny cut I got at work, and I still don't know why, but that's almost gone already. I like my fingernails too, they've been breaking at the corners lately but they're still Decently Long.

54. what did you learn from your first job? "Turn tables" are not, in fact, the name of a band, but an item of musical arrangement. (I worked at the Exchange and someone asked if we had anything like the turn tables. I thought they meant musically similar to a band named Turn Tables.)

55. favorite fairy tale? Does the epic poetry of the Kalevala story count? (Finland's national epic!) But I'm not a big fan of the Grimm style fairy tales.

56. favorite tradition? Going to Evanescence concerts at every single available opportunity? Wearing a bracelet my gf gave me and a ring my mother gave me any time I travel? I'm not one much for Generational Tradition at all, I do kinda like forming my own though~

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Literally just, myself. 1. Overcoming my doubt in myself. 2. Overcoming my social anxiety re: Starting Conversations. 3. Overcoming my phobia so I could, you know. Eat food.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? ?! How do you even define what constitutes a "talent"? 1. WRITING! (Creativity re: characters and the plots they're in. Descriptive writing. My mother always acts blown away whenever she reads my writing re: "how you get into the character's head".) 2. I can speak very eloquently and articulately, most of the time. And not just via verbiage; I know how to say things that Matter. 3. I can cook a fantastic stir-fry! And, apparently, really good soup. 4. I'm proud of my (non-numerical) eidetic memory, sometimes. It's kinda just There, and I'm not, like, ACTIVELY proud of it, but it sure makes things easier re: remembering friends' triggers, fandom trivia, etc.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? What makes you think I don't create each response on demand? (There's... really not something I think I say often enough to count as a catch phrase. So I legitimately have no idea.)

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Is "dark magical girl anime" a thing? Because that'd be MY thing.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? See above quotes.

62. seven characters you relate to? 1. R A VE N that's it that's the list Theeee only other ones I relate to are kinda awkward answers to give for this (re Synpathy and such related topics), but then again there's hella sympathy for Raven too, so.... 2. Ryou Bakura 3. Blue Diamond 4. Lapis Lazuli 5. Malachite (it's Complicated) 6. Sucy 7. Crona

63. five songs that would play in your club? Just insert any five Alex Dalliance songs here, I don't listen to a whole lot of Club Style Music. (Unless.... does, like, Cascada and Caramel count? Because I still kinda like their styles.) My "club" would be more like orchestrals by Danny Elfman and Evanescence instrumentals and/or live music from local rock bands.

64. favorite website from your childhood? TitansGo.Net! Screenshots, transcripts, even the forums... I browsed that site on the daily.

65. any permanent scars? Oh boy, are you sure you're ready for this? My scars fade quickly, but you'll see them if you know what to look for. One on my forearm from when I fell off a bed onto a broken fan grate at age 5 (it's a 3-inch long gash), on my left pointer finger from being bitten by an angry rabbit, scars on my heels from my comic!Raven cosplay shoes, scar on my right hip from using rubber cement to attach a scar prosthetic for a Kary cosplay (at my supposedly practical-effects-knowledgeable father's advice-- not good advice at all, for the record, don't put that shit anywhere NEAR your skin), tiny spot on my right hand from the time I became too emotional at my girlfriend's house and scraped it on her carpet, tiny dot on my left shoulder from a protruding nail in an old (pavillon without a roof thing?) we once had in the backyard, tiny line on my right ring finger from the time Belle nearly fell from right next to me and I caught her (she tried to grab something and wound up scratching me), and a scar on my right elbow from cleaning the tortilla press at Chipotle. (They didn't tell me there were protective gloves to use. They really should've told me that.)

66. favorite flower(s)? Oh gosh, I don't know. I like almost all flowers, really. I love the scent of lilac and magnolia in the air. Rose and hibiscus make lovely teas. Seeing mint and lemon balm in bloom always makes me feel contented. Willow and basswood flowers remind me of happy childhood memories at the nature reserve. Pink hibiscus flowers have Very Special Meaning to me (for the other blog, really). And of course, flowers with energy or aromatherapeutic effects like lavender are favorites, too.

67. good luck charms? Look, I don't NEED good luck.~ Confidence, strategy, and being alright with whatever happens are my "good luck charms". (And throwing a little magic at it never hurts when I REALLY want something...)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? ....I'm not comfortable answering that (phobia memories, just not gonna think about that okay.)

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? ...Remember that eidetic memory I was talking about? Every single little tiny fact I'm thinking about, I can remember how I learned about it.

70. left or right handed? Ambi, actually! 55% right. 45% left.

71. least favorite pattern? That depends on what it's for. Wallpapers? Floral (it kills my ADD, but floral patterns can make some very pretty dresses and blankets). Furniture? Paisley (but some people rock it in clothes). Furniture? any kind of fur trim (but again, it looks good on clothes). Clothing on me? Leopard and zebra (but I like it on lots of other things). My room? Checkered and tartan (but again, good patterns for other things, esp. clothing and interior styles that AREN'T associated with my room in particular, my room's just so noncomforming and cluttered that Busy Patterns like that aren't). I guess overall I'm just not a fan of highly stripey or square-y patterns?

72. worst subject? Math. Always has been. Probably always will be.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? The weirdest and actually not the grossest I tried was, out of curiosity to see what Tamaranian food might ACTUALLY taste like, I mixed sushi with ice cream. It really wasn't that bad! That one's my favorite for fandom reasons. 8P I don't do a whole lot of "weird" flavor combos otherwise.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? (Those... those are the same thing, buddy.) 8 or 9. NSAIDs, especially naproxen and ibuprofen, really irritate my stomach, so it has to be worth a week or two of Lowkey Constant Nausea to take it. For example, the last time I was waking it, I had dry socket. You know, that thing that happens when you get a tooth extracted and the blood clot doesn't form, so YOUR ACTUAL BONE IS EXPOSED for two FUCKING weeks..... and before the dental stuff, I would only take it when Monthly Stuff would get so bad, it could leave my crippled and crying on the bathroom floor for an hour. (Might've been longer if stepmom hadn't gotten me n0aproxen.....)

75. when did you lose your first tooth? Hell if I know what age that was, I think I swallowed it.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Potato soup, especially my mother's! But I also like BAKED fries (actually fried fries tend to be... Really Badly Received by my system;;), kettle chips are pretty good in small amounts, and I love those criss-cross cut fries at Mr. Hero (I just can't eat more than, like, five at a time, guh).

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? I absolutely LOVED having my lemon balm. But it got the aerial blight from my peace lily, and it died with all the rest of my houseplants. :c

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Sushi from a grocery store, just because this place called Giant Eagle makes some fairly good sushi for like $5 on certain days of the week, and I think they make it every 3-4 days. Fresh, like you can see them making it right in front of you.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? My passport is actually my best, I think~ Though my college ID didn't look bad, either.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Depends on what they're for. Clothes, I guess jewel tones because I like blue and purple. But for interior decorations, earth tones like deep rich browns and black are my go-to.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? They're.. the same thing? ??? I've used both interchangeably.

82. pc or console? PC, mostly because that's all I've had most of my life, and of course DC Universe Online was on my PC so maybe I'm biased. 8F

83. writing or drawing? Oooh, writing for me, all the way~ (Though I gotta do SOME drawing now and again!)

84. podcasts or talk radio? Neither, they're both too long for my ADD. And I don't... really care about most people on them? The only one I've ever seen was Amy Lee on short talk show interviews and the Steven Universe podcast with MKAtwood of course.

84. barbie or polly pocket? Neither. (I had both. Played with Polly Pocket because it came with a lot more animals, but those got lost way too easily, and I never got into the Barbie.)

85. fairy tales or mythology? They're both equally important and equally fascinating! Mythology has more Spiritual Resonance, and fairy tales have more Societal Resonance.

86. cookies or cupcakes? Depends on what kind! Oatmeal raisin cookies beat chocolate cupcakes, but red velvet cupcakes with a cream cheese frosting beat chocolate chip cookies.

87. your greatest fear? I have emet*phobia. You can look up what that means yourself because I don't even want to type the word, thanks.

88. your greatest wish? Just, freedom.

89. who would you put before everyone else? Damn it, I'm too compassionate for that answer. Whoever needs it more at that very moment.

90. luckiest mistake? Being so antisocial that the people running the ALP program made me sit with my girlfriend. I asked "Do you like Teen Titans?", and the rest is history.

91. boxes or bags? Boxes for long-term storage, bags for the daily.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Lamps, generally. Candles trump them all, but LED lamps are a lot less fire-hazard-y when you might fall asleep. lD;;

93. nicknames? RHS, RWT, Shadow, Zira (means "Shadow"), closest friends call me Rae.

94. favorite season? Winter~ It's the kindest to my easily-overheated sensibilities.

95. favorite app on your phone? Prooobably the voicemail app my or/ganization uses? I don't do much else on my phone besides, you know. Phone stuff (talk/text).

96. desktop background? PC: A shot of Raven meditating in the forest from Justice League vs. Teen Titans, with the incense and glow and her head bowed and focused and everything. Laptop: The sky as Lapis looked up at it, the gorgeous Homeworld constellation from "Ocean Gem".

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? Three. Mine, my girlfriend's, and only because she had the same phone number since I was like 8 years old, my stepmother's. Everyone else's keeps changing.

98. favorite historical era? The answer I want to give is Nexus-related, but I don’t think I have a real favorite era. I know too much about the history of misogyny, racism, colonialism, variation between eras around the world, and generally fucked-up shit in every era I've ever learned about.