#I MIGHT DELETE THIS LATER... just cuz I feel embarrassed

[lioa7]

CW/TW: Body horror, Blood!!!

... Also this is fnaf.

I procrastinated everything... for this....

AND I MEAN EVERYTHING.

I couldn't help myself....

I... the MOVIE!!!

I could feel all of those years of "funny fnaf" or the "how to make fnaf not scary" swimming into my brain and into my drawing hand. LIKE MY HOLE childhood's memories flowing back into my brain.

also im not going to draw that much fnaf... just this bit (maybe), im going to post mostly undertale stuff (I think)

(also I have some other designs for the dead kids from fnaf, so watch out for those... maybe... I KINDA feel like the ut and the fnaf dead kids would get along...)

ALSO I uhhh... I uh marked this for violence... I dunno if that does anything... but I feel that this is.. significantly more "violent" media, so uh yeah?

[somelazyassartist]

I am having. A very emotional night. Not over anything bad I'm just horribly emotional over like everything right now including happy stuff and using it as an excuse to draw my fursona again

[mizugucci]

while my mental health has stabilized for the moment so I think I'll be on tumblr more, I do have to say that I will, for the foreseeable future, no longer be making gifs :)

[albatris]

can i get an f in the chat for all the extremely nice well-intentioned people i lost contact with or fell out of steady friendships with before i got my schizotypal diagnosis bc I had no way of understanding or dealing with "the closer you get to people the more intensely uncomfortable and wrong you will feel" and didn't understand why traditional social anxiety therapies didn't help me with it and just ended up flaking out on people and isolating myself because sometimes i think about that and I'm like....... oh..... boy

[nymphsdomain]

i am so so sorry i just deleted ur beautiful ask by mistake, i’m the fuck boy 1A girly. but no i totally agree.with everything u said, spot awn. the std thing made me cackle LMAO

but i offer you this, what if you fucked them anyway? what would happen then?

It would most likely be at one of their stupidly over the top parties, and you’re tipsy enough to think... man would it be so bad to let him hit? who’s he gonna brag to? the group chat youre in? either way he can’t delude himself into thinking it’s cuz ur in love with him or something, if anything you would be using him. it doesn’t hurt that he’s fine as fuck.

so you pull him aside, tell him what he wants to hear, and before you know it you’ve pulled him out of the room and into his bedroom, music still thumping down the hall.

he was surprised when you offered it, but wasn’t gonna turn you down. it’s the whole reason he approached you in the first place, and he couldn’t lie and say he hadn’t thought about it, and when he finally... takes the plunge let’s say, he is taken aback. oh, you’re good. it’s not anything you do, it’s just kinda.... the way you move, everything you do spurs him on, he gets lost in the feeling, making embarrassingly loud noises. he moans like a bitch, he’s louder than you. he’s so lost in the feeling that he forgets to hold back, to elongate the experience, and homeboy cums very prematurely.

It’s dead silence for a time, until you break it.

“... you didn’t just?”

he wants to die, he has never been more humiliated.

“That doesn’t normally happen” he said, spoken in a voice barely over a whisper. he’s still on top of you, still inside you as he slowly goes limp, frozen in utter embarrassment.

you sigh.

“well that was disappointing. you can get off now”

he has never moved faster, yoinking himself of you and using a t-shirt on the floor to wipe himself off. he sniffs as you sit up, gathering your clothes. you are trying your hardest to hold back your laughter. once you’re both fully dressed, he goes to leave, but your voice behind him stops him.

“the next time i see a girl crying over you, she’s going to hear about a very interesting story.”

a rock drops in his stomach

“I told you y/n! that doesn’t happen! ever! that was a first!”

“she doesn’t need to know that.”

“y/n!! you think i could get so many girls if i sucked thag badly?”

“absolutely i do”

“y/n! please don’t!”

it goes on like this for a while until you’re crying form laughter and he’s actually on the brink of tears.

you never let him live that down.

omg and a few weeks later when you can barely walk and your neck is covered in hickeys they feel even more humiliated because, he should’ve been the one to leave you like that. not that he would ever leave you- the slow realization that he’s actually fallen in love with you punches him in the gut and damn kills him.

he’s fallen for the unattainable, i mean the guy who left you like that was a total loser. tamaki amajiki, you let him hit two months into know him. you didn’t let them hit until over a year, and now you’re going on dates with him????

he’d probably try and pick a fight with him for some stupid reason just to get his ass kicked, tamaki isn’t weak he just as extreme anxiety. the fight stays between the two of them, tamaki not wanting the attention that comes with winning a fight especially with one of them, and their ego and pride wouldn’t be able to take it.

yeah he’s still fucking girls on the regular and talking shit in the gc, but he’s been different lately especially after you told him you were going steady with tamaki. he tried to convince himself the pain in his chest was from anything but the fact that you’ve found someone better. that you might leave him, he’s resigned himself to just being fine with being your closest friend. but now he’s afraid that you’ll completely drop him. (you would never, but you’re also unaware of the way he feels)

i have more to add but vv sleepy and had to respond before i forgot also if amajiki isn’t your style you can picture someone else

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 17th, 2021 (Part 1)

More ask answers! It’s gonna be a lot today, so we’re splitting it into two.

i love Cliff and Kyra's relationship so much ?? even though they had issues they managed to work things out and remain friends through the years! it's so refreshing over the narrative of people resenting each other after they break up.. im kind of curious tho , do they see each other strictly platonic now or is there still something lingering?

Aw, I’m glad to hear you like their relationship. Their feelings are very platonic now. Kyra views him as an ex and co-parent and then a friend as time goes on. Cliff does struggle not to think of her as still his family, even though he’s not romantically attracted anymore. But he’s knows it might be crossing a line to be that attached to a woman who divorced him and so he tries to let her just live her own life.

Can i ask just how tall Cove exactly is in Step 3? And will he be even TALLER in Step 4? My short heart cannot handle this. (Also this game is absolutely flawless and I haven't been able to stop thinking abt it since I played. Planning on getting the dlcs soon, y'all did SO WELL!!!!!!!!!) 

Haha, thank you very much.

Step 1: 4'1 feet Step 2: 5'4 feet Step 3: 6'0 feet Step 4: 6'4 feet 

Hey! So, I know Steam is having its fall sale/boxing day sale or something so i was wondering if you guys were gonna participate in that?? I was thinking of buying XOXO Droplets (the extended version) but i didnt want to do anything before there was a potential sale. May seem like an odd question, but I was genuinely curious. I can't wait to play the full game when i get it tho :D

I’m afraid we have some things we wanna fix in XOXO Droplets before really promoting it/pushing it with sales, so for now it won’t be participating in Steam sales. Hopefully we can update it soon.

Hello I'm still trying to get the CG for Step 2-3 and didn't see or get it when I told Cove of the deal in the Dinner moment like your guide says. I got the achievement but no CG. Is there another choice I'm suppsed to make after telling him?

Make sure you go back to the house with Cove after he leaves and don’t stay in your living room.

* don't be suspicious* *don't be suspicious*  ...Hi, there's another way to pay for the Our Life +18 dlc besides Patreon? Patreon have very limited payment options and I've been struggling with the platform. Anyways, thanks for the amazing game I hope I could support any way ^u^

Haha, right now there isn’t anything specific, but once it’s finished in a few months we’ll look into other hosting sites.

do you think we can get another our life dlc plzzz i would pay so much for it <3 i want to see their life together when they have kids or pets or just live with the two of them and i really want them to adopt kids too since jamie is adopted :)

I’m afraid we likely won’t. As much as we love OL: B&A, we’ve gotta start putting our whole effort into new projects soon. Maybe someday we could come back and do special new content, but it’d be quite awhile after all the planned DLCs have released.

How do you delete a save file? 

On PC or Mac you hover over a slot and hit the delete key, or you can go into the saved data folder and delete the files directly. On Android I’m afraid I don’t know. You can save over them with something else, though.

this is like. totally embarrassing and silly to ask but im dying here; i love cove so much i wanna climb that boy like a tree. so basically what im asking here is like. will the nsfw dlc have explicit stuff or is it more like an implied kinda situation? cuz i want some full on nsfw shit im so thirsty for cove and only this can satisfy me

It’s truly 18+ and explicit with nude art and straightforward descriptions of sexual acts. That’s why we can’t release it as part of the main game, haha. I’m glad you’re into Cove~

Hello! I've really been enjoying Our Life and am noticing some animation changes with the update! I just had a question though. In Step 2 we meet Jeremy but I was wondering if he was only meant to appear in Step 2 as a typical mean kid or is there more we don't know? 

Jeremy is a horrible pill in Our Life, but he is also a beloved romance option as a teenager in our other game XOXO Droplets. His personality is quite different once he grows up more. I imagine Cove and the MC would be pretty surprised.

Hi! i absolutely adore our life so far and I can't wait to continue supporting the game with the upcoming dlc drops! i was just wondering if y'all were planning on uploading any art for steam icons/the steam point shop in general<3 

Thank you! And we might. But we’re first trying to focus on making a new game update since there are still some improvements we have in mind.

I hope this question doesn’t come off weird but would Cove be the type of guy to memorize your period? I imagine he’d be the kind of best friend/boyfriend who would keep track of your cycle to support you during it or something like that 

We’d be shy about it at first and avoid mentioning what he was doing, but he would try to keep track of it based on any insight the MC gave him. The longer you’re with him, the more it could be just a normal thing the two openly talked about.

Hi there, how often do you do auditions? I am a voice actor and would love to be part of a project ?

We usually have auditions two to three times a year. Our next planned casting call will be for side character in Our Life Step 4.

Are the 5 moments included in the Derek and Baxter DLCs different from the normal Step 2 and 3 DLC? And will they focus exclusively on Derek and Baxter respectively? I was a little confused when I read the DLC FAQ. Thanks! 

Mostly they’ll be completely new Moments that star Derek or Baxter. Though, for example, Derek’s DLC will allow you to take him to the Soiree. If you go with Derek that will remove your ability to go with Cove in the Cove Step 2 DLC.

Sorry if you've already said this, but how will your character transfer over to the patreon exclusive NSFW DLC?  Can it access your game memory or will you select traits your character showed and choices you made from a list? 

It’s a standalone event that happens for MCs who are in a relationship with Cove and have been dating him for a while. Other details about the MC/their dynamic with Cove will just be picked in the event itself. It won’t try to take data from a specific save in the actual game.

I love your games, but currently only have an Android. When will you put your other games on android? 

I don’t know. They might not able to be formatted for Android very well, unfortunately. We’ll see how much time we’ve got later this year to try figuring it out.

Thank you so much for all the questions :D

[anime-fangirlwithapen13]

Suga having a crush on you headcanons

Alrighty here’s what I deleted lol. It’s a bit all over the place so sorry, I kinda forgot what I write the first time. Also I posted a little later than I said I would sorry!!! Ik it’s long, that’s my bad...also I really need to know how to do the “read more” line so...if anyone knows how to do that on mobile...could ya...like tell me...thxxx ☺️☺️

(I love him so much no one could ever know)

🍬This cuz...Suga...

🍬 Okay so lets begin by saying it’s a misconception that Suga is like collected

🍬 This man is a mess

🍬 He may put on that calm exterior in front of the underclassmen or people he wants to impress

🍬 But he’s chaotic

🍬 Like very chaotic

🍬 And he gets a little nervy around you

🍬 Ok a lot nervy

🍬 He tries so hard tho

🍬 But like subtlety

🍬 He doesn’t want to give himself away

🍬 And he could be really smooth guys

🍬 Like smoooooothhhhhhh

🍬 For example lowkey flirts

🍬 He knows...you know

🍬 Honestly he knows for a fact what he could do...doesn’t exactly know how to use that power yet lol

🍬 But again sometimes he trips up over nothing

🍬 Just cuz he wants to impress you

🍬 Speaking of impressing you

🍬 When you see him with a volleyball, he prays his sets are amazing

🍬 He wants to show you he’s good at what he puts his effort it

🍬 A relationship possibly...?

🍬 Everyone knows of his crush on you

🍬 Like everyone

🍬 Even coach Ukai

🍬 They have bets on who asks out who

🍬 They also tease him whenever you’re around

“Hey Suga! Look who’s here for you!”

“Don’t get embarrassed now!”

🍬 He wants to murder them so bad

🍬 But they do want you guys to get together

🍬 They see how he smiles at you whenever you speak

🍬 How he hangs on to every word and engages with you just to hear more

🍬 How he talks to you like you’re the only person he cares about

🍬 You make him so happy

🍬 And the team wants him to be happy

🍬 So how does it happen you might ask?

🍬 Welp

🍬 It’s not in a very romantic way

🍬 Noya yells it at Suga

“WILL YOU JUST TELL THEM ALREADY?!”

🍬 AND YOURE RIGHT THERE

🍬 LEGIT NEXT TO SUGA

🍬 Suga almost kills Noya

🍬 Rip Noya

🍬 You lived a great life

🍬 Couldn’t reach that far ig

(Im so sorry Noya i love you so much)

🍬 But you stop Suga by telling him how you feel

🍬 He’s so excited

“Really?!”

🍬 He hugs you so tightly

🍬 Gives the best hugs

🍬 The ones with his hand cradling your head...

🍬 So secure and snuggly

🍬 He wants to hold your hand all the time

🍬 Supports you no matter what

🍬 Just lives for those small moments with you

🍬 Cuz even if it doesn’t last forever...

🍬 He’s so thankful to call you his significant other

🍬 And you feel the same way

[charmspoint]

3,5, 14, 17 for the fic ask game?

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

Not anything that I'm writing right now, no, but that's mostly cuz I usually get more inspired by art or music. When I read other peoples fics, especially when its fics i like, I usually don't feel the need to write anything similar cuz like...I already got what I wanted. And with fics that arent what I wanted and I think can be done better I usually dont stick around long enough to forge an idea around them ghvghvh I have very limited time for fics so im p picky about what I read.

While writing this I remembered one fic that DID inspire me cuz it hard really great atmosphere and magic feel to it and even though I didn't have a concrete idea I wanted to write something with a similar feeling so I went to look for it but it seems it got deleted and I can't remember who the writer was FUCK

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

I genuinely leave really fast if I see descriptors used too much to identify people like u know 'the tall man' or 'the ravenette', like I can stand a one or two during a chapter but when people open with it and just keep em coming I'm very quick to leave, it's just something that breaks my immersion a whole lot.

There's also like something I can't quite describe like general writing quality. You can usually tell when a person isn't quite there yet because their writing is too clumsy or they linger on weird things or something. But then there are fics that are obviously written by someone who just started, like they are a lil awkward and clumsy but they have the IT factor. To throw in a lil rec that was Bagatelle No.25 in A minor for me. You can tell the writer is new and not really sure how to go about some things but WOW did they manage to capture me in the second half like it hasn't updated in a good while but I still hope it will because I'm very eager to see this writer develop. I think they have a lot of potential.

Also like something that won't bring me out like first chapter but does in longer fics is when things just take...so fucking long. Like I've read fics that take paragraphs to describe outfits and meals and I can't I just can't. That might be fun for some but it's just boring to me hvhvh ;;;; Some fics just feel very dragged out, like something an author could have said in less words is stretched out into more to meet a word count, you can really feel when a scene just drags on and I will usually drop fics that don't show improvement with that even if i initially enjoyed them cuz, like i said, my time is limited and I don't fancy spending it on being bored. I believe in giving a scene a time it needs and cutting out what doesn't work or slows down the pacing. That's why my chapters tend to vary by length from like 4-10k :I HVGGHVGH I don't want to stretch them out for the sake of stretching them out and I don't want to constrain them to a set word count either.

But as I said I'm this strict only cuz I don't have much time so being mega picky is the only way I read fics rn.

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not?

Ah, I answered this in the last one kinda, but no not really. I just kinda go with the flow of the fic and see how it turns out. Sometimes its 2k sometimes its....30k...

Chaptered fics are a lil different, I usually write the first chapter free range and then feel the need to have every following chapter be AT LEAST that length. But as I said, what's important is quality over quantity so I'm not afraid to cut out stuff that just doesn't work, even if it makes me go bellow that count. The most important thing for me is that the chapter works, that it reads easy, that it doesn't feel like a drag or like footnotes. The wordcount is in service of that not the other way around.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

JHJKHBJ >.< a lot. I def refresh my page a lot of times, especially if I wrote something I'm p proud of. I'm always really excited to hear what people have to say and if they liked it. I wouldn't be posting my work if I didn't want people to interact with it. But also I'm always nervous about making dumb spelling mistakes right after I post :) I fuckin found a few after rereading my fics like months later it's embarrassing

writing asks

[noodlesrgucci]

Victory

Summary: Bakugou and Y/N settle their rivalry in the most pleasurable way possible.

Pairings: Bakugou x reader

Words: 3, 536

Warnings: SMUT! Somewhat kinky stuff, extremely bad grammar

This is really bad cuz I wrote it an then it got deleted. This is just a lazy rewrite that I did on my phone. I’ll probably end up fixing this later on

Ever since day one, Y/N and Bakugou made it explicitly clear that they couldn't stand each other. Part of this had to do with the fact that Y/N was just as stubborn and feisty as he was. She was never capable of dealing with his violent and condescending attitude and this often led them to have screaming matches.

Y/N was strong, very strong. Many students went as far as to call her the strongest member of her class. This label was not a complete lie since Y/N was  stronger than most. In fact, she had once been able to defeat Midoriya and Todoroki at the same time in a two on one battle. So saying that she was strong was an understatement.

This, of course, angered Bakugou. He couldn’t stand the possibility of someone being better than him. It didn’t help that she was cocky and loud about it. They were constantly challenging each other. They would spar often and compete in anything they could think of, and unfortunately for Bakugou, Y/N would win most of the times.

Their rivalry was rather interesting. Y/N was one of the few people that was brave enough to look at Bakugou in the eyes. She was not afraid of him and she proved this many times by challenging him. She had this unexplainable desire to beat him at everything she could. She loved to anger him and she knew just how to do it. This was one of the many things Bakugou hated about her. In short, they just couldn’t stand each other.

Their rivalry and hatred for each other is what led them to their current predicament.

Like always, they were arguing with each other, but this time things went out of control really quickly. Their staring contest somehow turned into a fight. As they were fighting they both felt their quirks malfunction and they were met with and angry but unimpressed Aizawa. The consequence of their actions was one week of house arrest and they had to clean the dorms. This meant that they had to deal with each other’s presence for one whole week.

It was the third day and the both of them already wanted to kill each other.

“Dumbass don’t you know how to do anything! You left some fucking dust over there!” Bakugou yelled angryly. He was not happy about having to miss class.

Y/N had to resist the urge of grabbing her broom and breaking it on Bakugou’s head. She turned around to look at him and he was staring right back at her. They had another staring match. She noticed just how much taller and muscular he was than her. She had to stop her eyes from wandering and staring at his muscles. They both quickly looked away at the same time and went to clean on opposite corners of each other.

Y/N had to admit she didn't exactly hate Bakugo. He did get on her nerves but that's not why he made her so angry. It was probably because she had a huge crush on him. Actually, some people might call what she feels for him, love. She couldn't stand the weird attraction she felt towards him and that's why she didn't get along with Bakugou.

Though she had stayed up at night and wondered how it would feel like to run her hands through his hair. She fantasized about someday being able to touch his muscular arms or how it would feel like to hug him and kiss him.

But those were all fantasies, nothing more.

Time passed and what felt like years to Y/N and Bakugou were mere minutes. They insulted and yelled at each other. They almost broke the vacuum cleaner and brooms flew across the room. When Y/N got tired of listening to Bakugou’s nonsense, she made a witty comment and exited the room. She felt Bakugou’s burning glare at her back as she left, but she couldn’t care less.

She went to her dorm and sat on her bed for a while. She really couldn’t deal with any more of Bakugou today. When she cleared her head, she figured she could at least finish the section she was cleaning before she stormed off. Y/N stood up and walked towards the door. When she opened the door she was met with a surprise.

Bakugou was standing in front of her with a frown on his face. He quickly made his way inside her room and locked the door behind him.

“Get the hell out!” Y/N yelled at him but he ignored her. Instead he connected his eyes with hers.

He took a step towards her, causing Y/N to take a step backwards. This continued until Y/N hit her bed. This caused her to fall onto it, now she was facing Bakugou while laying down. Without saying anything, Bakugou suddenly positioned himself on top of her. His hands held hers down as he pinned her to the bed. Y/N tried to free herself, but her attempts were in vain.

“ Why do you always challenge me? Why do you like making me mad?” Bakugou suddenly asked. He had a calm expression on his face, showing Y/N that he was being serious.

Y/N wished she could’ve had the courage to say anything, but with Bakugou this close to her nothing could leave her mouth. She noticed just how handsome he really was when he was not yelling or angry. Without thinking, she did the only thing that could finally assuage her desire for Bakugou. She smashed her lips against his.

Bakugou was surprised. His eyes widened because he didn’t see that coming. When Y/N realized just what she had done, she quickly pulled away. For the first time, Bakugou was able to see her with a blush on her face. He decided that he had liked her lips on his, so he connected them again.

Y/N’s eyes widened but she melted into the kiss. They hungrily kissed each other as the desire they had for one another slowly started to show itself. The kiss grew more hungry and the more they kissed each other the more they wanted.

“ You drive me crazy,” Bakugou muttered after they finally separated. The girl beneath him had a dark blush on her face which intensified when Bakugou connected their lips once again. This time, the kiss was more intense. They were basically eating their faces and their tongues soon greeted each other.

Bakugou partes away from Y/N and licked her neck. He drew his tongue from her chin to her shoulder causing the girl to shake slightly in pleasure. He bit down on the spot where her shoulder and neck met, leaving a noticeable mark. Then Bakugou went to her neck and started sucking on it. It was almost animalistic how he was pinning her down and leaving marks all over her, and then, he heard it. A moan scaped Y/N’s lips.

Bakugou finally took the time to see her appereance. She was usually loud and feisty and was always looking ahead with proud eyes. But now, her face was flushed with embarrassment and she couldn’t look into Bakugou’s eyes. She was also pinned down by his arms, so she couldn’t move. Seeing the person he was always challenging like this, made Bakugou want more. He wanted to see her squirm under him, and he was going to make her.

He was going to show her who was in charge. Even if he wasn’t showing it, Bakugou was still angry at all those times Y/N made a fool out of him. Now he was going to make her pay.

He stood up, liberating Y/N from his grip, and walked to her closet. There, he grabbed one of the ties from Y/N’s school uniform. While he did so, Y/N’s curious eyes followed him.

When Bakugou finished getting the tie from Y/N’s closet, he turned around and looked at her. She was sitting on her bed.

“Lay down,” Bakugou growled in a dominant tone. Y/N immediately did so, Bakugou’s stern voice made her feel a growing heat between her legs.

Bakugou hovered over Y/N’s body, he grabbed both of her arms and tied them to the bed matress. Y/N was now immobilized. She was left at Bakugou’s mercy and he could do as he pleased with her. And that was exactly what he was going to do.

“Suck,” he demanded as he held two of his fingers in front of her mouth. She sucked his fingers with a blush on her face and made some gagging sounds. This made his pants tighten.

Bakugou stared at her breasts, he then proceeded to rip her shirt off.

“ B-Bakugou!” Y/N squealed. Her reaction alone was enough to turn Bakugou on even more.

“ For this, call me Katsuki,” Bakugou let out before groping Y/N’s breasts through the fabric of her bra, giving her pleasure. He then quickly removed her bra and freed her breasts.

Y/N made an attempt to hide her chest, but was restrained by the tie. Bakugou’s eyes traced her chest and a smirk appeared on his face. He pinched her breasts and this earned him a quiet moan form Y/N. He leaned down and positioned himself on top of her. He then started to lick her neck slowly. He bit down on it and let his tongue travel down her body.

His tongue made it down to her shoulder and he made sure to leave more marks there. The feeling of his warm tongue over her body sent shivers down Y/N’s spine. His tongue reached the middle of her chest, he bit down on it. His tongue continued to linger down her body. He stopped at her belly button and then suddenly stood up.

He removed her shoes and socks. Then he removed her pants and her panties quickly followed. Y/N immediately closed her legs. Her bashful eyes looked at everything but at Bakugou. She was so embarrassed she thought she was going to die.

“ I want you to open your damn legs as wide as you can!”

This made Y/N’s eyes widen. She really wanted to show Bakugou all of her but it would be so embarrassing. She had an internal debate with herself as Bakugou stared at her. She then finally decided to open her legs.

“ You can open them wider than that!”

Y/N slowly opened her legs a bit more.

“ Wider..!”

And that’s exactly what she did she exposed all of herself to Bakugou. He could now see just how wet she was and how much she was enjoying their time together. Bakugou started at her wet pussy and examined it for a while. He knew that he was not going to be able to control himself anymore. When Bakugou’s eyes met Y/N’s face, he noticed how she was looking down in embarrassment. He went on top of her and met her lips in a forceful kiss

He then trailed his tongue down to her belly bellybutton once again. The lower he went, the more pleasure Y/N would find on his tongue. His tongue reached her thigh, he gave her a kiss there and started sucking on it. Then he bit her thigh, making Y/N shake.

He then stopped and stared at her wet vagina. He licked his lips as if he was going to enjoy a delicious meal. Y/N felt very awkward by having him staring at it. Then suddenly, Bakugou’s tongue slowly traced from the bottom to the top of her pussy.

Y/N let a loud gasp escape her mouth. She threw her head back as her eyes widened in pleasure.

“Ah-!” She moaned as Bakugou dipped his tongue into her once again. He started with slow movements while licking her lips. Y/N’s moans gradually grew as Bakugou’s pace increase. When Bakugou finally got the hang of it, something made him stop. He felt Y/N’s body shake as she let out moan that surpasses the others in volume.

She had already cummed.

A smirk appeared on Bakugou’s face. “ Already?” He asked her with a glint on surprise. He had underestimated just how sensible she really was.

Ignoring the fact that Y/N had already cummed, Bakugou’s mouth met Y/N’s clit again. This time he started to suck on her clit.

“Katsuki!” Y/N yelled, her eyes rolled behind her head as she threw her head back.

“ S-stop!” She said as the feeling of being overstimulated was too much for her. Her legs started shaking.

Bakugou didn’t listen to her, instead, he increased his pace. He sucked on her clit while slowly grazing his tongue over it. Her violent convulsions made him realize she was enjoying it.

Not too long after, she cummed again, but Bakugou did not stop. He even inserted two fingers inside of her.

“ Yes! That feels so good!!!”

Y/N could not control her body. There was liquid falling from her pussy and she was shaking uncontrollably.

Then she felt another orgasm come, but this one felt stronger than the other ones. She knew this one was going to be more pleasurable and intense.

Her moans were now uncontrollable as she waited for her third orgasm. Just when she was about to come, Bakugou stopped.

Y/N stared at him curiously and couldn’t believe he wanted to tease her at the moment. He then leaned up and kissed her lips once again. Y/N tried grinding on him, but her arms were restrained so she couldn’t move much.

Bakugou started to suck at her breasts and massaging them. Small moans left Y/N’s mouth as she made a whining sound.

He then went back to her pussy and started to slowly suck on it. It was almost painful for Y/N. She wanted him to eat her out fast. When she felt her orgasm coming once again, he pulled away with a smirk on his face.

“ If you want it, you are gonna have to beg for it, Princess”

Bakugou’s thumb was gently grazing her clit and making circular motions. He was driving her mad.

“ Please let me cum, please?”

Bakugou shook his head and Y/N knew she had to do better than that.

She tried once again but Bakugou was still not satisfied. He even removed the thumb that was placed on her clit.

“ Please! Katsuki! Eat my pussy again! Do what you were doing please! Just touch me!” Y/N had flushed cheeks and and she hoped that was enough to make Bakugou touch her again.

Bakugou stared at her naked body and at her face. He then turned around, closed the door behind him and left the room.

Y/N was very confused. Was he doing to leave her like that? Did he regret doing this to her?

The minutes passed and Y/N was growing more sexually frustrated. What if someone walked in on her? She blushed at the thought. She didn’t want anybody other than Bakugou to see her like this. She was dripping wet and she needed him now.

When Bakugou walked through her door, Y/N felt a wave of relief come over her as she felt she could breath correctly again. This didn’t mean she wasn’t mad, but seeing that Bakugou had a condom on his hands made it better. She was also wondering where he got the condom from.

Bakugou’s intense gaze was focused on Y/N’s body. He was loving how he was making her lose her mind. As a reminder that he needed to finish her off, Y/N opened her legs again, signaling Bakugou that she was desperate.

He approached her and grabbed her thighs with his large hands. Then he spat on her clit and watched his saliva cascade down her pussy. This made Y/N even more eager to have him. Bakugou started to lick her heat once again. This time it was fast. He even pumped a finger in and out of her. Just like the other times, Y/N was quick to feel her orgasm. And just like the other times, Bakugou pulled away. Y/N groaned and threw her head back in frustration.

Then Bakugou began to blow on her clit, the warm air was hitting her and driving her mad, but it did not create enough friction for her to cum.

Bakugou then stopped and stood up. He took of his shirt, revealing to Y/N his well formed abs. Y/N bit her lips, she really wanted to touch him right now. In an instant Bakugou removed both his pants and boxers and Y/N was left staring at him, unable to look away. He was very big.

He approached her again with his condom on and opened her legs. He then started to rub his hardened dick against her wet folds.

Y/N couldn’t deal with his teasing anymore. She knew what he wanted. He wanted to see her submit to him in every way. He wanted her to beg. He wanted to win this game they had going on. At the moment, she forgot all about their rivalry and their bickering. All she wanted was to have him inside of him.

“ Please put your cock inside of me! Please! God, Katsuki, I want you so bad!”

“ I don’t think that’s loud enough.”

Bakugou smirked as he continued to rub himself against her.

“ I’m yours! Do as you please with me! You win! Fuck me! And fuck me hard! Just please let me-“

Y/N couldn’t finish her sentence because she felt a sudden shock of pain. Bakugou has slammed into her and kissed her lips to muffle her screams. It was painful, but she knew she had to endure it. Luckily, Bakugou was patient enough to wait for her to adjust to him.

After a nod from Y/N, Bakugou started to move in gentle and slow thrusts. Y/N was experiencing a new feeling. Once she got fully adjusted to him, Bakugou sped up his thrusts. He violently slammed into her making each thrust harder than the other. She moaned louder she had done that night, she cummed very quickly.

Bakugou didn’t stop, he still hadn’t cummed. He kept slamming into her and then he hit her g-spot. Y/N’s toes curled, her head flew back, and saliva was coming out of her mouth. The feeling of being deeply penetrated was so pleasurable. Hearing Bakugou’s moans and grunts was also making it a better experience.

Bakugou kept thrusting into her. Then they both felt it, Bakugou’s first orgasm was approaching. Y/N also felt hers come. With one final thrust, Bakugou and Y/N came at the same time. He decided to drop his semen all over her stomach.

Y/N panted, she could almost not feel her arms anymore. They’d been tied all along. Bakugou noticed this and untied her hands. She sighed in relief but was quickly taken by surprise by Bakugou’s arm going around her waist. He had tied her arms behind her head and made her ass face him.

She was immobile once again. She couldn’t see what Bakugou was going to do to her. With a sudden raise of his hand, Bakugou’s palm met Y/N’s ass.

A loud gasp left her lips. Bakugou spanked her again, causing a moan filled with a combination of pain and pleasure to leave her. He continued to spank her until a red mark was left on her body. He then leaned down and also gave her a hickey there.

A moan echoed around the room after Bakugou slammed into Y/N from behind. He was being rougher and quicker than her was being before. His fingers made it to her clit and started massaging it.

“ You like it when I do this to you, huh?”

His dirty talk was driving Y/N over her limit and she felt another orgasm come.

“ Hold it!”

Her eyes widened, she was now shaking. Bakugou kept his steady pace. When he felt a knot in his stomach, he became faster. His hands were on Y/N’s waist as they both waited for their next orgasm.

Bakugou came inside of her this time, he watched as his semen came out of her. He also untied her arms quickly. Y/N collapsed on his chest and united their lips in a kiss, she finally had the chance to run her fingers through his arms and abs.

Bakugou lifted her up and laid he down again. His face was adorned with a smirk and something told Y/N that she wouldn’t be able to walk the following day.

“ Hope you are not too tired! We are just getting started!”

MASTERLIST

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!! <3

[pinkykitten]

Uncertain Hunting

Avatar (James Cameron)

Tsu’tey x dream walker! female reader

Warnings: 1 cuss word, hunting

Specifics: hunting, comedy, fluff, romance, man vs nature, na’vi language, training, race neutral reader, dream walker reader

People: Tsu’tey te Rongloa Ateyitan, you, Jake Sully (mentioned), Neytiri te Tskaha Mo'at’ite (mentioned), Grace Augustine (mentioned),  Norm Spellman (mentioned), two other trainees from the movie (mentioned)

Words: 1,533

Summary: As a dreamwalker learning the ways of the Na’vi people you must learn how to hunt. Of course your teacher is the stern Tsu’tey. He must teach you all that you need to know. 

Authors Note: where do i begin...*sigh* THIS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST MOVIES EVER MADE!!!!! i fell in luv with it when i first saw it in 2009, i have always wanted to write about it but my writing wasnt really that good back then and i was still self conscious about my writing. but now i am going to try to rebuild this fandom, i am going to try to make it luved again. it will take time but oh well. also my sis luvs tsu’tey, like that is her husband. i am so excited to show this to you guys, and to kinda write something i want to write (not that it means i dont like writing what u guys request cuz trust me i totally do). get ready to see more of avatar and request if u want to about this fandom, trust me it will make my day. i hope u guys like this as much as i do and feedback is always appreciated! no this was not requested. 

You were taught many things in your life. Taught how to care for yourself, how to be your own person. 

You also studied the Na’vi people for 5 years. Recently, you had gotten your avatar body. It was such an experience, to feel more alive. 

All the hard work paid off in the end. 

You and others such as your friend Jake Sully, Grace Augustine, and Norm Spellman came to Pandora to research the land and take some samples. 

That is until Jake had to start making a ruckus and you and Jake got lost. But maybe Jake didn’t do such a dimwitted act after all. 

You both then found, well Neytiri found you both, and took you and Jake into her clan. 

This, you felt was what you trained for all your life. To learn and try to become one of them, and to earn their trust. 

“Agh this stupid horse...thing!” You shouted at the ground, stomping at how frustrated you were. 

Trying to climb this...horse, or excuse me 

yeah, direhorse, or what Tsu’tey taught you, pa’li, was like trying to climb a mountain. 

“You are not trying hard enough. Again,” Tsu’tey instructed you. 

You peered over to see your poor friend, Jake, also failing, making you laugh. 

“Over here,” Tsu’tey grabbed your chin to get your attention to what you were doing. 

“Okay, okay, okay.” You huffed, walking backwards a good enough distance, and then with all your speed you sprinted forward, ending it with a jump. 

As you looked under you, you saw you were indeed riding a direhorse. 

“Look Tsu’tey I did it!”

Just then the direhorse, sped away at the contact. You desperately holding on for your dear life. 

“Tsaheylu y/n! Mend the bond,” Tsu’tey shouted, while running after you. 

All you could do was erupt a helpless scream, “I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THIS!”

As you look up ahead you spot a cliff, “oh no.”

If you don’t form the bond now, you were going to be flung off the cliff. 

“Tsaheylu, tsaheylu, tsaheylu,” you whispered to yourself. With some struggles, you grasped your braid and put the queue in its place, to make the bond with the animal. 

“Y/n,” Tsu’tey yelled with a worried tone. 

“Stop!” You yell before you almost, with a just a little more, fall off the cliff. The direhorse’s breathing softens and you are one with the animal. 

“What was that?”

You peer at Tsu’tey, then you burst out into laughter. I mean you almost died but the look on Tsu’tey’s face was priceless. 

You gave an evil grin, “wow. You actually were scared for me. You actually worried about me. I’m shocked, I am s h o o k e d all the way to my bones.”

Tsu’tey looked away, bashfully, giving you a tsk and a scowl, “ skxawng.” (idiot, moron)

“You know you love me, I can see it in your menari.” (eyes) 

Tsu’tey gave you a look of suprisement, his yellow cat like eyes widening. 

“Whats next... karyu?” (teacher) You straightened up. 

“Are you serious,” you opened your mouth wide. 

After your fiasco with the direhorse, your next lesson was to learn how to hunt. 

“You do realize this is life or death? Like I could die!”

Tsu’tey nodded, “well if you should die y/n, at least you still would have your other form, your other body.”

Rolling your eyes you puffed out your cheeks, “thanks for the reassurement.”

Out of the bushes came the other two students of Tsu’tey’s. They communicated in the Na’vi language making you feel left out. You were nervous and a bit embarrassed with having to learn these things with the other two students. They knew so much and they were younger than you. It made you feel self-conscious. 

Shaking your head you pushed those thought out. You regained your posture and interrupted the conversation, since the group was laughing, probably making fun of you. 

You spent 5 years learning about these people, you dam* right you were gonna learn how to hunt. 

“Are we ready to begin?”

Tsu’tey gave you a glare and then nodded. He explained to you how you and another group, which included Neytiri and Jake were also going to hunt. 

You breathed in and out, scared to what the outcome might be. You felt a large hand on your shoulder. You look to see that it is Tsu’tey, “you will be alright, I am here.”

You smiled at his comment and placed your hand on his shoulder. 

This next part will be inspired by this scene: 

Avatar DELETED Scenes 3 look up on youtube these words

On a direhorse you try to catch a sturmbeest or how the Na’vi call it a talioang. Carrying your bow n arrow, your direhorse runs by the creatures. A stampede, their legs booming with such power. They sprint as a herd, trying to get away from the hunting. 

You spot one that is close to you and try to shoot it with an arrow. The arrow hits its hardened skin at the top, and the arrow breaks. 

“Crap,” you mutter under your breath. 

The sound of banshees, or ikran’s makes you look up to see Neytiri and Jake (jake aint that high up in social standards yet he still is training) and a group of others. 

Your attention was to them that you almost forgot that you had to watch out that you didn’t interfere with a sturmbeest. Thankfully you looked just in time, you were about to knock into one. 

“Nari si (watch out, be careful),” yells Tsu’tey, keeping an eye out for you.

“Sorry,” you shout. Focusing again on hunting. 

You feel a smile creep on your face seeing out of the corner of your eye Tsu’tey watching you. Making sure you are okay. He gives mini glances to the other students but with you, he keeps on the watch. 

You stand up on your direhorse and erupt a war chant, earning a grin from Tsu’tey. As you stand you try to get a good angle at the operculum. 

“C’mon y/n, you got this,” you tell yourself, closing one eye to get a better look at your target. 

Suddenly, a sturmbeest came by your direhorse and knocked it down making you also fall down. But you jumped in time to land on a sturmbeest. 

“Y/n!” Tsu’tey called out to you. Worried laced in his voice. He rode next to you. 

You screamed in fear, holding on for dear life. Other sturmbeests smashing against you, making you almost slip off. That couldn’t happen because then you would be trampled by other sturmbeests. 

You tried to shoot the creature under you, to gain your first kill. Struggling to get the arrow into its operculum, you try but then slip almost falling off. 

“Y/n, you need to jump,” yelled Tsu’tey as he rode next to you. 

“Why?!?”

“Look up,” Tsu’tey exclaimed looking up. 

You move your head to see what laid in front of you.

“Are you serious?!?” You were just not having good luck today. A huge, thick tree was ahead in your path. Sooner or later you would be knocking into the tree. 

“Y/n, listen to me you need to jump,” Tsu’tey ordered you. 

“Wait, I need to kill this thing first.”

“No, we don’t have time. Y/n listen to me.”

“Trust me!” With that you quickly looked behind you to make sure no other sturmbeest or animal was coming next to you on your left. In one swift movement, you jumped to the side of the sturmbeest, you holding on to the side of its neck. You grab your arrow and forcefully, with a cry, stab the animal in its operculum, making it stumble and fall. 

“Tsu’tey,” you quickly make a great, huge jump from the sturmbeest you were riding on to Tsu’tey’s direhorse. 

Tsu’tey caught you in his arms, and then placed you behind him on his direhorse. 

Tsu’tey rides away from the commotion. You taking long breaths and sweat producing on your forehead. 

It is quiet for a couple of minutes and then Tsu’tey starts, “what was that woman? Do you know what you just did?”

You get off the direhorse and land on the grass. “I just did my first kill, I did it!”

Tsu’tey also got off the direhorse, “Y/n, you almost killed yourself! You also almost got others killed!”

“You see the key word is almost, I didn’t-”

“Do you see this as a joke? You could of gotten very hurt today, and I promised to myself and Eywa that I would protect you. You frightened me today y/n.”

“Ngaytxoa (I’m sorry). I just wanted you to be proud of me like how you are with your other students. I want you to see that I am willing to give my all to become a part of your people. To earn your guys trust. I needed to prove to you and, to myself.”

Tsu’tey walked closer to you, a angry scowl on his face. He placed his hands on your shoulders, “Skxawng (moron, idiot) be careful next time.” His face softened into a loving smile. 

He placed his hands on your cheeks, giving them a small caress. 

“And y/n, I am always proud of you.”

[cleaduvalls]

i watched all 20 episodes of "spy kids: mission critical" twice in about a week and here are my thoughts (pt 1/5)

these will be divided into 4 episodes per post so they stay about the same length as one spy kids movie

1.1

no theme song. :/

wow specific location

wow. we love lying to our spouses

greg actually kind of sounds like greg??? like ingrids not right in the slightest but greg sounds like greg

oh yeah i call him greg instead of gregorio bc thats Too Many Syllables

i dunno id rather go on an adventure

oh!!!!! ingrids hair!!!!! cute

they look like friggin iron knuckles from cadence of hyrule

how do you..... classify a move

also why would they teach agents to counter a move that they also taught the agents

dont you mean SWAT

is that tom kenny?????

thats not carmen. i dont care WHAT you say. thats not carmen

shes 14???

since when can he build???

since when do they LIVE at the oss?????

thats a ball. not a blob

oh mood

juni your voice is so squeaky

Every Villain Is Lemons

is this a separate universe????? we already know about the third brain program. and you cant claim that people havent seen the movies cuz theyre ALSO on netflix

the experiment wasnt FUTILE it actually went really well. yall are just cowards

you can destroy gold???? like its not DIAMOND

ew

did golden brain go through childhood??? or did he just.... spawn as an adult????

alliteration

take a wild guess carmen

why are you wearing jeans in the DESERT????

"sis"??? who says that

oh boy fart jokes already

little brothers, cuz youre younger, were related, and youre boys

did you mutate the agents too?????

oh i feel you juni

oh boy butt jokes

carmen youre 14. where im from you COULD have a job at certain places

is he... gonna kill them?????

oh!!!! the mimicking is back!!!

theres no way you had taco butte in the last 5 minutes

teenagers?????? the franchise is spy KIDS get it right

there SHOULD be, yall are licensed spy kids

roll credits

juni stop trying to be a lone wolf it never works youve seen all 4 spy kids

i want to be her

are you.... knighted?????? or are you just british

hes like 11 what do you expect from him

ahavschaj acemate

carmens FACE she looks HIGH

finger guns???? hes bi

THUMB THUMB!!!!!!!

TOM thumb thumb!!!!!!

F L O O P!!!!!!!!!

nvm i want to be HER

im sorry how the H*CK did you just say fegan???????????

piercings!!!!!

and i OOP-

aztec???? bc the aztec death spiral??? nice

maybe im a little biased bc floop but shes my favorite

why are the parents here

who calls it a cuddle bear?????? its a teddy bear what are yall on

oh i love carmens socks

i gotta say im living for goldies aesthetic

haha coward

to be fair hes from the outback, they have friggin emus. those things are creepy

:0 sneaky

nice timing

1.2

wow ig there really is no theme song :(

how can he sleep with a TEACUP

i think at some point youd just... fall asleep????

wow big flex

and i OOP-

scorpions so mean i love her

for like 3 seconds that animation looked like a friggin barbie movie

i thought thumb thumbs couldnt hold things???? like thats their whole point

did she hang up on them?????

when your mom said she wouldnt get mad if you tell the truth so you tell the truth and she still gets mad

K A N Y E?????????

oh no they all have died

drowning a chainsaw????????

PLENTY OF PEOPLE

my parents whenever im tired

did you not hear her name shes clearly immortal

me

stop yelling

at that point he shoudknt have even been able to drink the milk

why are the spotlights on carmen

*2 hours later*

dont put the phone on the desk????? have you not have a teacher give you detention for that????? i have

i think its pretty obvious what he was dreaming about

in the subtitles the u has the dots but hes not pronouncing it right. it should be more "keurp-ka-kay", not just "coop-ka-kay"

everyone has weird dreams????? step off ace

class lasted for 5 minutes wtf

do the three of them share a phone???? thats what it says in her contacts

ok visage thats a little too far

i hate this dude so much

visage shes allowed to be on her phone shes not in class

psi???? like earthbound????

😔

theyre not wrong

STOP YELLING

thats?? not possible?????? youre just weak

why are you saying that out loud

dude stop im dying of second hand embarrassment

wait the sign with the transcribed words doesnt have the ü. so how he pronounced it WAS right they just messed up the subtitles

i thought there was only ONE of its kind why do they EACH have one?????

why did so many people lose????? it seems pretty straightforward

also i love her ringtone

is that tom kenny again??????

thats.... not how it works

he should not have made that

so the big reveal is that it was his mom, but how does he know shes a cortez now?????? she was avellan at that point

take a wild guess

spurious??????? why are you using his first name

i dont???? think you can????????

1.3

the beats pretty good, im tapping my feet

i love his voice

thats not disco thats TECHNO

actually discos probably right. hes german and in germany clubs are called diskos. the music hes playing is pretty clubby, therefore it would be disco

she has spotify premium???? nice

ooooh scorpion has bed curtains!!!!

why do both cortezes have the floor bed???

how can juni hear aces music???? did his headphones get unplugged????? is it just super loud?????

sounds more like kids music than folk music

HOLY CRAP HES LISTENING TO THE WIGGLES (no offense to the wiggles)

yes hes a heavy sleeper we discussed this last time

he has a bazooka you might wanna run

"carmen is not here" me too carmen, me too

glitch chill

oh yay piss jokes

how does so much stuff come out on the floss

she was asleep???????? take it easy glitch

creative name

also the music sounds like it came right out of cadence of hyrule??????? which could be possible bc the girl who voices glitch also voiced link

glitch its clearly a virus

carmen you can go, psi can handle this

hes so protective of his records im dying

BAHAHA she said "worm?" and ofc my dumb ass thought she meant worm as in "oh worm?"

1.4

i had a whole bunch but tumbr decided to delete it and i dont wanna rewrite it so we missed the last 4 minutes of 1.3 and the first 8 of 1.4, sorryyy

it doesnt matter anyway no ones gonna read this

this whole point system was in the fourth movie, get some new plot points

is that really a good idea carmen???

throwback to when i was a kid and wanted to learn australian

oh no they died

JUNI NO YOU SAID IN THE THIRD MOVIE TO N E V E R SPLIT UP

sheilas a great name shut up

listen i see mirages all the time in the summer but how do you see a fake building???? its always a puddle of water

yeah the outback STEAKHOUSE

you sound like youre on crack

oh no he died

one time i ate a bug bc i thought it was some leftover dorito i had stuck in my teeth

hes pretty good at shelters, did you not see the second spy kids???

hey he calles him juni!!!

s n e a k y

what even is heat rash?????

STOP YELLING

nice STEALTH you tell him he has nice STEALTH

[alexiela73]

Hello dear~ I am new to this request thing but I would love to see Hanzo, 76,Genji,and Reaper(separate) in love with or courting a fluffy(bigger gal who is about 5'8 a little taller then most gals) southern who is a huge sweetheart! who is a healer but if not that's fine~ She loves them no matter what they do or did and loves showing them how much she care with gifts (like crocheted items and homemade tea) and honest sweet compliments! She may sneak in some hugs if she can! Thank you so much!!

Just wanna say, not only did I accidentally delete this once but I got carried away twice and it still did not end up exactly how it should have. Definitely veered off the request path a bit but its still kind of cute and I…I hope you still love it.

Hanzo:

When Hanzo first met you, he had no interest in you. Not right away anyway.

To be fair though, Hanzo really has no interest in anyone. People are just a bunch of faces, and half are rude, deceitful or liars. So he usually just doesn’t notice anyone…including woman.

What first brought his attention to you was when McCree struck up a conversation with you. You were sitting at a table in a small diner that was beside you, sitting on your laptop as you typed away.

Hanzo was focused on stirring his tea, but after a few minutes he finally began to tune in. Your voice had a soft lilt, and as he studied you, Hanzo found the soft southern lilt of your voice and the way your eyes sparkled like jewels to be rather enchanting. No thoughts of your size flitted across his mind, no comparisons to any other woman he'd ever met. He was simply entranced with your voice.

When you giggled at something McCree said, Hanzo finally started to get into the conversation, to Jesse's surprise. Hanzo thought you were intelligent, and liked how you spoke so passionately about your work in computer programming.

Jesse got your number at the end of the meal, almost two hours later. The three of you had been talking the whole time, though with McCree noticed the way Hanzo watched you with interest, he kind of backed off a bit. God forbid he try and steal the limelight from Hanzo when he finally has interest in an actual human being.

The three of you ended up meeting a few more times. It was really cute, because every time you all met up, you'd hand them both a small wrapped gift of cookies or sweets. McCree had noticed the way you glanced shyly at Hanzo whenever you handed it to him, or how you'd watch eagerly to see if Hanzo really enjoyed it.

The more time you spent together, Hanzo found himself falling for you harder and harder. He started noticing little details about you. The way your ears went pink when you were embarrassed. The way you spoke quickly and mumbled whenever you unsure of yourself. The fierceness with which you spoke about things that mattered to you. The shine in your eyes when you spoke of the past.

One day, he finally broke. “Y/n,” he said, pulling you to the side as the three of you neared the end of your walk through the park “If possible…would you be opposed to me courting you?”

For a moment you both blinked. Jesse face palmed at his stiff composure, while you simply looked stunned.

“You…you want to date me?” you squeaked, smoothing your shirt down. Like usual, your ears turned pink as you blushed heavily.

Hanzo stared at you quite intently, taking your hand in his with gentleness. “I do. I think your enchanting,” Hanzo admitted, and a smile teased the corner of his lips. “Exquisite.”

Ducking your head, you couldn’t believe what he was saying. You were a fluffier girl, with large hips and enough cellulite on your thighs that some women would explode over. ”You can’t mean that. I…I’m not really that pretty. Even i know that…”you said softly.

Taking your chin gently, Hanzo lifted your face. “I think you are beautiful. And if you are talking about your body…” Hanzo’s hands moved down to cup your waist, the warmth of his hands sending a tingle through you as he pulled you closer. “Your body is beautiful too. I see no imperfections before me,” Hanzo insisted, thumbs rubbing soft circles against you.

A shuddery breath left your lips. This was the first time a man, and one so beautiful, had ever spoke to you like this. Yet when you looked into his eyes, they seemed to hold conviction. 

“O-okay,” you whispered. “…I would love that. A lot…..”

A smile spread across his face, and he brushed his lips across your forehead in a soft kiss that left you weak in the knees. ”Thank you,” he murmured.

A cough sounded beside you, and Jesse rolled his eyes. “Can we get going? I”m happy for you and all but its getting mighty chilly out here,” he said and with a laugh, the three of you left the park.

76:

The two of you have been together for almost seven months now

It had been a shock to you when he had first asked you out, and at first you’d thought it had been a joke. But he’d been persistent and you were delighted to agree.

Your weight really didn’t hold you back, nor did it bother you much. Rarely did you look in the mirror and frown, as you had been raised to be confident in yourself. And Jack seemed to have no problem, so why should you?

That didn’t mean you didn’t have your days though, nor those little thoughts niggling at the back of your mind, worrying about your weight and if you were ugly or not.

One time the two of you had planned on a big date, to celebrate making it to half a year together. Jack had it all planned out, and you were excited.

Deciding to go out, you wanted to buy a new dress for the occasion. Like any other woman, you liked to dress up for special occasions and you wanted to look good when he picked you up.

In the mall, you found this beautiful pearl gray dress that had a skirt that flared at the waist to the knees, and no back. It was a bit bolder, but you decided you really liked it and that it would work.

After purchasing the dress, you noticed at a shop across the hall that held a pair of shoes you should would look lovely with the dress. Hurrying over, you gingerly picked up a slipper and studied it.

Snickers caught your attention. There was a group of three women not far away, whispering to each other…except their whispers weren’t quiet enough.

“Its that girl again,” said one, rolling her eyes. “She knows that dresses are meant for pretty people, right?”

Another one, a blonde, covered her mouth and snickered again. “It was like watching a hippo try to get into a dress. Jeez, maybe if she laid off all the burgers…nah, she’d still probably look like that,” she said and the three of them laughed.

You stood frozen in place. It had been a long time since someone had commented on your weight, and the comments of those women had torn at your heart. They were laughing at you, you thought. A hippo…

“Oh my god…she’s crying…do you think she heard us?” whispered one girl to another in alarm.

After a moment you touched your cheek and felt the wetness of your tears…it had been awhile since you’d cried over something like your weight. With a sob, you dropped the shoe and went home.

The afternoon was spent crying in your bed. After exhausting yourself with your crying, you drifted in and out of sleep, the mean comments plaguing you. You didn’t even realize the time till the doorbell rang. 

When you didn’t answer, Jack walked in. Searching the house, he finally turned on your bedroom light and relaxed. “Oh, there you are. I thought you’d forgotten about the…” he stopped as you sat up, and noted how puffy your face was, the pink of your eyes and the faint mascara marks that you had tried to wipe away earlier.

“What happened? What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked, hurrying over and he sat on the edge of the bed, taking your hand. Fresh tears filled your eyes, threatening to spill. “Oh, baby, please don’t…don’t cry, sweetheart, please…”

Immediately he cupped your face gently, pressing his forehead to yours.

Letting out a ragged breath, finally you whispered, “Why did you choose to date me, Jack? Why me, out of everyone? There are…so many women who are prettier and thinner and look good…” 

For a moment he said nothing. It made him angry to think anyone had said something mean to you, but he was more in disbelief that someone had managed to tear down your self confidence and happiness so easily.

“Y/n, I want you to listen carefully,” Jack says softly, “You are beautiful. Every inch of you. There is nothing about you or your body that I do not adore. I don’t want a small girl. If I wanted a smaller girl, I would go date one. There is only one you and that is the woman I want.”

You let out a soft sob at his words, and buried your face into his shoulder. Jack cradled you, stroking your hair tenderly. “I’m in love with an angel, you know. She’s sexy, with these thick curves and this long hair and a smile that lights up a room,” he says softly, and he smiled softly as you cried harder, but he could see the smile tugging slightly at your lips at his mushy words. “She’s all I want. Your all I want.”

It was sweet of him. It took a bit, but finally you got yourself ready for the date. You calmed down a bit, and during dinner Jack spent the time talking to you about how perfect you were and what he’d fallen for.

From this point I have to try to make it a bit smaller cuz I’m just getting too out of hand, and taking too long writing this.

Genji:

The two of you started out as best friends before you began to date

You were the first one to make a move. You’d had a crush on him for awhile, and you wanted to know if he might feel the same way for you…so you mustered up the courage and asked him out.

You were prepared, for there was a good chance he’d say no. But to your surprise and delight, Genji agreed without hesitation.

At first, it didn’t feel like there was really any change to your relationship. The two of you weren’t acting any different, except for the shy glances you’d send him.

Then slowly, the two of you began to flirt more and more, and you’d be holding hands or cuddling. The closer you both became, the more you feel for each other.

You loved hugging Genji. Surprise hugs were your favorite, especially since it was hard to actually sneak up on him

Genji never had a problem with your weight, and commented often on how beautiful his girlfriend was. The first time you both made love, he worshipped every inch of you. You were so scared that he’d hate looking at your body, especially when he saw the stretch marks

But he lavished you in love and could only remark on how despite thinking you couldn’t get any more gorgeous, he had been proven wrong.

One time Zarya tried to convince you to join her gym program, saying that it would help you lose weight. After dating Genji so long, you found that you had a renewed sense of confidence in yourself, and that you loved the body he obviously cherished 

“No thank you,” you’d said to her, and before you could convince her, a second pair of arms had slid around your waist out of no where. Giggling, you realize he had caught you in his own surprise hug.

“I second that,” he says, hands stroking your waist as he pressed a kiss to the back of your shoulder. “I like her just the way she is.”

Unable to come up with any better excuse, Zarya had left the two of you alone and Genji had taken you back to his room. As the two of you got into bed, ready for another tender round…

“Are you sure?” you asked softly, staring up at him. Your cheeks were pink, still unused to how to felt to show your naked form to him. Did he ever doubt his decision to be with you?

“Sure about what? About you?” he asks, before he gives you a rakish smile and presses kisses along your collar bone. “Always. I’ve never been more sure about anything or anyone in my life.” There was no hesitation in his answer.

Your heart melted when hearing such things from him. 

Reaper:

The two of you started dating one night in Overwatch, before he became Reaper. 

The women of Overwatch and Blackwatch were desperately for a break and some kind of celebration. So together, they had come up with a party to have at the base for everyone to attend.

Gabe had noticed you weeks and weeks before. You were cute, he thought, and he liked how shy you were. But more, he liked your kindness. You were always carrying around gifts for others, or helping others when they were sad.

The night of the dance, Gabe finally decided to go. The party was outside, and was huge. Lights were everywhere, a few tables with food off to the side. Music played and in the middle was the dance floor. Even Winston was dancing, Tracer giggling as she followed in suit.

His eyes scanned the crowd as he grabbed a glass of punch, downing it quickly. Where were you…

When his eyes found you, his heart raced wildly in his chest. You sat off to the side, wearing a long straight black dress that hugged your waist and thighs. You looked beautiful and wore a white coat that suited the dress.

No one sat with you, and he could see you looking longingly at the dance floor. How you wished someone would dance with you, or even sit and chat with you…you worked as one of the many assistants in the base.

Gabe, after a moment of getting a grip on himself, managed to pull himself together and walked over, wearing a dress shirt and pants, and even a red tie. 

When you saw him, your cheeks flushed and you looked shocked as he stood before you and offered you a hand. “Hey,” he said, giving you a crooked grin. “Um…care to dance?”

For a moment you stared at his hand. Then you let out a breath and took it, letting him lead you to the dance floor. You were surprised when his hands cupped your full waist, and he pulled you right against him without any kind of hesitation.

“Your confident,” you managed, managing a smile. Were most men as gorgeous as he was?

“Have to be, otherwise I have no chance with women as beautiful as you,” Gabe said with a wink, twirling you around.

Letting out a laugh, you were surprised by his words. “As beautiful as me? That’s not hard. I guess your just warming up for the prettier girls, right? Lets see…” you looked around, before pointing at a blonde you knew was a medic. “She looks like more your type.”

Gabe glanced over. “Angela? No. Not my type. Too mom-like. I like girls with spunk and a bit of meat on their bones,” Gabe said. You couldn’t stop yourself from looking at him quizzically. Was he joking??

“I doubt it. Men who look like you don’t date girls like me. You probably don’t even know who I am,” you said, shaking your head. “Or my age or what I do for a living-”

“Don’t call me a stalker, but your y/n. You are twenty seven and you work as one of Winstons many assistants in the computer labs,” Gabe says and pauses, before smiling sheepishly. “This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed you. Its just the first time I’ve been able to ask you to dance.”

It stunned you. The man knew who you were, what your name was. He’d taken the time to find out before this evening…he had planned this all along?

“Oh,” you breathed.

“So, um….what do you say about me taking you out to dinner sometime?” he asked, still dancing with you even when the song has ended. “Would you consider-”

“Yes,” you say immediately, your heart beating wildly.

A grin spread across his face. “Perfect. So, um, I plan to dance with you all evening…hope you don’t mind. I just don’t get this lucky often,” he says and winks at you.

With a soft laugh, you twirled once more in his arms. “Neither do I,” you murmur softly.

[hella-free-space]

Oh shoot I forgot to hit anon on that last ask. Please just reply to this one or reply to the other one privately. Gosh I'm so embarrassed.

-- i accidentally posted the non-private ask, so i deleted it asap. i only thought to copy the response and not the ask cuz i’m lame af, but this answer was more of an answer directed to anon specifically and not necessarily an educational post that for later referencing like with some of my other posts, so i’ll leave my answer here --i’m gonna start with a personal experience: i have adouble-tail halfmoon betta, his name is mr. percival b. beans (usually you cansearch ‘beans’ on my blog and find him), he’s a very beautiful and colorful andheavily-finned boy-o…who has now bitten off most of his tail fin :T his tankhas 2 large swords and a large ornament centerpiece and he has lots of thingsto rest on in his little 5 gallon tank (he even uses the betta hammock thatnone of my other kiddos would use). he kinda floats odd when he’s near thesurface but it doesn’t seem to be a swim bladder issue, just that he floats atan angle because of his weighted fins. after seeing a post about someoneeuthanizing their betta because of incurable fin-biting i kind of stepped backand looked at my fish too. i usually don’t post my tanks because they’reusually a mess (hair algae, plants that should be pruned, etc.), but with him idont know if i’d post him+his fins unless i was making aneducational/discussion-oriented post…i dont think people would be mean to me orsuggest that i euthanize him or anything like that, though…i just feel badbecause it’s not like he can tell me how i can make his life easier or if ieven can and i dont know for sure if i’m doing a Good Job or not, so i feellike i understand where you’re coming from with having a betta that bites…

i shared cuz i dont want you to feel alone, and i’m surewe’re not the only ones who feel worried or nervous about sharing our bettas~but there are plenty of people on here who have larger-finned bettas that nipand still love and care for their fish the best that they can and share theirfish with the rest of the community and they’re loved and supported becausethey’re a part of this community <3

also, on the euthanizing: it’s a very personal decision. theperson i talked about above chose to euthanize their fish, because they felttheir fish’s quality of life was dismal or declining. i choose to not euthanizemy fish because he eats and swims and is otherwise healthy. so far into myfishkeeping journey, i’ve found that if a fish wants to live, it’s gonna live,and if it doesn’t want to, then it wont…which is generally why people don’trecommend euthanizing sick fish unless the fish seems to have completely givenup and won’t eat/won’t swim/can’t be cured and is quickly declining. i wouldn’tthink any less of someone who chose to euthanize their fish, though, and idon’t think any less of you for choosing not to euthanize <3

on the tank size: smaller tanks are generally recommendedfor larger-finned fish. i wouldn’t put my silver delta tail boy or my doubletail boy in a 10 gallon, even though they’d have more space – well, becausethey’d have more space…

i’m sure that not every fish is the same, but with my doubletail boy, i had him in a 2.5 gallon until it started to leak (i had planned ongetting a 5 gallon anyways so it worked out tho i guess)…he didn’t bite at allin the 2.5 and seemed to do pretty well, even though it was small…i moved himto the 5 and he started nipping, so i lowered the water level and added moreplants and stuff but the biting hasn’t declined. i lowered the water levelbecause i’ve heard that it helps with going to the surface…but im actuallythinking about moving him to a 3 gallon that i have or going and picking up a2.5 gallon because he swims around the whole tank. which is good because he’sactive and exploring, but i think because he feels the need to swim around theentirety of his territory (aka his 5 gallon) he gets v tired and frustrated byhis fins and bites them off so he can swim around longer without getting astired. (i assume that this is where the largest argument for euthanizing comesfrom, that if they can’t display their natural behaviors without selfmutilation then they cannot live a ‘healthy’ life. i disagree, but i understandwhere this argument is coming from.) so in a smaller tank, he’d still have roomto swim around and stuff but he wouldn’t have to patrol as large of an area andmight feel less of a need to tire himself out and then bite his fins…not sureif it’ll work but i have a 3 gallon on my counter so i figure it can’t hurt totry.

also, i dont know if it makes you feel any less alone, butthere are quite a few people i’ve seen/know on tumblr that keep their bettas intanks under 5 gallons and also don’t get judged or get rude/hate comments ontheir posts/blog because of it…sometimes its a space thing or their betta doesbetter in a smaller tank (i should mention tho that i wouldn’t go any smallerthan 2.5 gallons due to possibly having an unstable cycle). i’m sure there aresome blogs that aren’t as understanding about people with smaller tanks orfin-biting bettas, but the vast majority of bettablrs/fishblrs promote a kind,inviting, and understanding atmosphere and encourage others to do the same. ithink it’s one thing to look at someone’s tank and go “wow, that’s an awesomeexample i should try to emulate!” and another to say “wow, that’s an awesometank and mine doesn’t look like that so i feel bad now”. i genuinely believethat people here enjoy lifting each other up and encouraging best-practiceswithout endorsing one-upping or a holier-than-thou type of approach. if youwant to post your tank and your fish, i dont think you have anything to fearfrom others in the community <3 if you really want to post, but are afraidto, i’ll post with you! if you don’t want to post, though, that’s okay too :) ijust don’t want your fear or your negative feelings to keep you from doing whatyou want <3

i guess i just want you to know that a 5 gallon is okay(even if its tall) and that you’re still providing a good home for your boy andhis fin-biting may not be something that you can fix, and that’s okay <3 noteuthanizing your fish is okay <3 posting or not posting your fish is okay<3 you’re doing okay, you’re doing enough, and you don’t have to be like anotherkeeper to be a good keeper <3

[lollytea]

I'm kind of scared to talk to you because I tried once and it felt like I was just annoying you and I tried sending asks with that account once or twice off anon but I still think I was being weird and I ended up deleting it. I'm sorry if you thought I was weird.

Aww friendo, its not your fault I promise. Listen I feel like other people were a little disappointed by this too but I should mention that I’m WAY different in private messages than in asks. Unless I know you well, that is. There’s only a few people I’m comfortable messaging regularly. I’m kinda reserved. I mention a lot that I have a problem answering messages too cuz I’m a lil recluse who often doesn't wanna converse.

But I can never remember being legitimately annoyed by a message. Not ever. Like I’m not gonna discourage anyone messaging me. Anybody’s welcome. But I might answer, I might not. Either way, I’m not annoyed by you. I have nothing against you. I might even see your message and smile at it even if I don't reply. I’m just not much of a talker sometimes. (”but you never shut up when answering asks?” ye but that's different)

Also I don't answer every ask I get so don't worry about that either. Sometimes I get too much to answer them all, sometimes I don't know what to say to them or how to answer them, sometimes I see them, say I’ll reply later, forget and am too embarrassed to reply several days later once I remember. And sometimes tumblr just eats them. It varies.

I don't know who you are but just know I’ve got no problem with you whatsoever. I’m just kinda a hopeless communicator. Don't worry about it. You keep doin you buddy.

[euphxmia-pxtter-blog]

"We live together and you need to borrow my phone to make a text to our mutual friend. When you pull up their name there’s a lengthy convo about how I’m in love with you and it’s terrifying and ‘no I’m not going to tell them’ so I pretend that I didn’t see it and slowly you start building up to telling you I feel the same with little gestures" for sprace? thank you!!

((Okay, so the prompt mayyyy have gotten away from me a little at the end there, but I hope you'll still enjoy this!!)) Spot Conlon was a generally stoic person. Cool, calm, and collected- that was his motto. That wasn't to say he didn't have emotions or that he never expressed them, because he did. But his expressions tended to be subtle; you might miss them if you weren't paying close attention. But one day his steady facade was absolutely shattered, and it all started with five words: "Can I borrow your phone?" He had just entered the living room, approaching his flatmate, Racetrack Higgins, with a favor."Just for a minute," he elaborated. "I dropped mine in the toilet 'cuz I'm a fucking idiot, and I've gotta text Elmer about how I'm supposed to dogsit this evening- he said something about 'very specific, important instructions' that I have to follow or reality may collapse or something." Race rolled his eyes."El and that damn dog, I swear to god. Yeah, you can borrow it." He handed over the device, and Spot slid to the lock screen."I don't know your- wait..." He bit his lip as he considered the possible passwords. After a minute, he tapped out 'RASE'. It worked."How did you do that?" Race asked incredulously. Spot rolled his eyes, but his smile was affectionate."It's easy to guess your codes because you're /such/ a cheesy dork. R.A.S.E- Race, Albert, Spot, Elmer." Race fake-glared, and Spot turned back to the screen. Elmer was already the most recent contact, so Spot just clicked on the conversation... and froze. He was looking at Race and Elmer's most recent texts.ELMER: honestly, dude, you should just ask him out already. I know he likes you backRACE: but what if he doesnnnnnntRACE: I mean, we live together. he's one of my best friends. what happens to all that if he finds out how ridiculously in love with him I am??ELMER: idk bro, but if anyone could work through that you guys can. and I'm still super sure he's into you, just sayinELMER: I g2g, but hang in there, you'll figure it out Spot was stunned. Race was... in love with him? That was crazy! How could Race- how could someone as smart and clever and funny and /good/ as Race- like someone like him? God, he had no idea what to do with this information. His first instinct was to immediately blurt out that he felt the same way, but that would mean telling Race that he'd read his messages and that was... that didn't feel like a good idea. He stole a glance at Race, who was lying on the couch and doodling on his own arm in pen. Spot pressed his lips together to stop from grinning too widely at how cute Race looked doing that. Steeling himself, he quickly typed out,RACE: Umm, this is Spot. I broke my phone so I was texting about dogsitting today but... It took a few minutes for Elmer to respond. Then,ELMER: hOLY SHITELMER: you saw the texts?^^^RACE: Um, yeahRACE: Only I don't know what to do now.ELMER: well do you like him back??RACE: Of course I do! Anyone would be insane not to; I'm surprised Al hasn't sent you screencaps of my endless borderline-poetic ramblings about Racetrack Higgins. It drives him nuts.ELMER: :OELMER: BETRAYED by my own bf wowRACE: Nah, I asked him not to tell. He was just being a good pal. I mean, did he know about Race?ELMER: nope. well, he never got confirmation anyway, but it was, like, pretty fucking obvious RACE: Not to me.RACE: But what do I do now?ELMER: you tell him, dumbass.RACE: And admit I read his texts?ELMER: it was an accident, and he'll find out anyway when he sees all thisRACE: I was going to delete it after.ELMER: orrrrrrrrr you could just tell him you love him backRACE: Ughhhh fine. I hope you know how much I hate you though.ELMER: if course babe ;PRACE: Bye. Spot closed the conversation and passed the phone back to Race, realizing a second too late that he still didn't have any information about his petsitting responsibilities. Ah, well. His friend was already back on the phone, probably playing a game or something. "Hey, Race?" He lowered himself onto the couch, and Race immediately swung his legs onto his lap. Spot grinned."Yeah?""I..." Spot actually had no idea what to say next, so he blurted the first thing that popped into his head. "You have pretty eyes." His own eyes widened in horror when he realized what he just said. Race squinted at him, but there was humor in his gaze."Spotty, you doing okay? Feeling sick or anything?" Spot snorted, simultaneously embarrassed by his words and warm and fuzzy at the use of the childhood nickname."Doing just fine, Race-man," he responded with Race's pet name. Race grinned."So your /perfectly healthy/, perfectly sane-""Questionable.""- self thinks I have pretty eyes?" Spot wasn't blushing. Absolutely not. No chance.... Okay, maybe he was."Yeah, I do," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. He forced himself to hold his roommate's gaze. Race must have seen something in his eyes, because his grin softened into a gentle smile."I like your eyes too," he said, "but my /favorite/ thing about you-" He tapped Spot on the nose. "-is your freckles." Spot smiled widely, surprised but delighted. Very few people noticed the smattering of freckles against the tan skin of his nose, cheeks, and shoulders. "Really?""Yeah. They're like little stars or the paint speckles at the PC." Spot was sure his smile had turned goofy by now. The Pottery Castle- or PC, as they called it- was their favorite place to go on their bi-monthly Best Friend Fun Days. They hung out with Albert and Elmer too once a month, but on the other weeks they went just the two of them, and on those days they almost always went to PC. Neither of the others knew about it."Is that why you always use the speckled paint?" Spot asked, not daring to believe it."You bet it is," Race answered. Even knowing how his crush felt, Spot was stunned. He racked his brain for some way to hint that he saw Race as more than a friend. He could compliment him again, or he thought he'd seen something in an online article about body language, or something about gifts? The ideas sped through his brain so fast he couldn't process, and before he could stop it, Spot's body acted of its own accord. He just leaned over and kissed him. Race stiffened in surprise, but a moment later he melted into the kiss. Spot felt Race smile against his lips, and a joyful giggle rose up in his throat. The kiss was soft and slow, and when they pulled apart their foreheads rested against each other. Their eyes met. "Hi," Race murmured. "Hi," Spot whispered breathily back. They both giggled. "That was...""Long overdue," Race finished, and Spot nodded. He leaned back against the couch cushion."I think you should know that I saw-""I know." Spot's eyebrows shot up."You do? How?""I'm telepathic, didn't you know?" Spot rolled his eyes, chuckling. Race grinned. "Oh, alright. You forgot to delete your messages to Elmer like you meant to." Spot slapped his forehead lightly. "Well, shit." Race shrugged."Not like it didn't work out in the end.""Fair enough." Just then, the phone rang. Race answered it."Jim's whore house- you got the dough, we got the hoe!" Spot snorted and shoved him. Race rolled his eyes, taking the phone away from his ear."It's for you anyway. It's Elmer." Spot took it."Hey, El, what's up?" Elmer sounded agitated when he answered."I'm hoping this is why you originally texted thirty minutes ago, but it's date night and Albert and I reeeaaaally wanna leave, so if you're planning on watching Buttery like you promised, could you kindly get it your ass over here?""Shit, dude, I'm sorry. On my way!""Great. Oh, and... did you get that thing sorted?""Fo'shizzle.""I'm hanging up on you for saying that." The line went dead. Spot grinned at the phone, and then at Race."Hey, any chance you wanna dogsit a spoiled-rotten golden retriever with me this evening?" Race grinned back."I thought you'd never ask."

[imenoughh]

There’s something that's upsetting me, but I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. And to be honest, I don’t know if I want to. What will they be able to do? And it’s about my ex, who everyone in my life is tired of hearing about. And I'm embarrassed at how much I still think about him. 

I’ve been idealizing him, I knew I was but not to what extent until yesterday. I saw my friend who had been away at university. We hadn't really talked in so long. She was a mutual friend of me and my ex, its because of her that we met. I decided beforehand though that I wouldn't ask about him. I knew it wouldn't make me feel good. But she brought it up, and so we talked a bit. She told me she’d noticed that he was weird, and that there was something off about him. They aren’t friends anymore, none of their friend group is friends with him anymore, because of his huge ego and how great he thinks he is. Apparently they hadn't talked for three months, and then I don't know im guessing a month ago, she reached out to him and asked how he was doing. But he was really rude to her, and called her a bad friend for not hanging out with him (he hadn't made much effort to see her either). So then she stopped talking to him. She also told me that in the summer he tried to feel her up. Of course she rejected his stupid horny ass. That really hurt to hear. I didn't really show that to her though. But wow. She’s one of my closest friends, like what the hell. So I asked if he tried to hookup with a lot of girls, and she said yes sort of. Sortof because he acted like he didn't and wasn't a player but he was. He always told me that too, that he didn't hookup with many girls, and that he only wanted to sleep with people he was close with. Bullshit.

A week after he cut me off (saying he still loved me but was too hurt to stay in my life, but that if I ever wanted to have sex he’d be down af:)), he kissed one of his best friends. I only just found out that they kissed. Anyways, I told my other friend who was friends with that girl that I'd been jealous of their relationship when we’d been together. And she told me she was gay. He knew I was a bit jealous of her and all the girls he hungout with. WHY DIDN’T HE TELL ME. So I saw him a few days later, and told him it was funny that I'd been jealous of her cuz I just found out she was gay. He swore he had told me. Nope, never I said. He proceeded to tease and tease me about how stupid it was, and how they were only “friends” and he was not in any way interested in her like that. He acted like the idea was totally ridiculous and said I had absolutely nothing to worry about. One week later, he kissed her. And then right after that I heard that he was telling that girl how he thought they were meant to be together and blah blah. He’s a liar.

Also, soon after we orginally broke up, we were still in each others lives. I realized I still had his Spotify account, so I was planning on deleting it. I just checked to see if he had been listening to any new good music. there was a huge playlist he’d made for this girl, and a caption saying how much their “connection” meant to him and how special she was. I got jealous and asked him about it, and he told me they were just friends. But that was the same kind of things he said to me. He insisted I was just being paranoid and that it was nothing. I believed him, then, a few weeks later I see him and he told me he like her and that if she lived near him (she’s from out of town) that he would date her.

Both times he just made me feel like such a fool. Like I was crazy for even suggesting it. And I believed him. I always believed him. He told me he was a psychopath a couple months after we broke up. But he made it seem like nothing, even a good thing. He said how lots of successful people are psychopaths and that they are really smart (both of which is often true). Anyways, I wasn’t actually that surprised, I’d often felt he lacked empathy at times. I told I wasn’t very surprised which surprised him. “Really?” he’d said. “When I told my friends they were all so surprised.” He’d told a group of his close girlfriends. Months later I found out that he hadn’t told any of his friends, not even his best female friend. He lied to me. And why did he tell me? Why only me? We were not on very good terms then. Part of me feels like he trusts me and thats why. But I also feel like he just wanted to mess with me. It sure worked. I went into a panic after that. 

I just. I do want to move on. And I have in many ways. My feeling are much less, and I still think about him more than I want, but its not that bad. Or it wasn’t, until I heard all of this. I guess the image of him that I had in my head was just crushed. I feel betrayed. I feel lied to. And like when I felt this way before, it makes me question everything. Was any of it real? Did he even ever love me? Was he just using me for sex? He acted like he was this amazing kind romantic sensitive guy. Was it good and things just went south, and he changed? I’m trying not to think about that, because it’s nothing something I think I can't  really answer, but my mind keeps going there. For now I want to believe the latter, that things got bad, I hurt him, and he changed. He used to tell me that I was deflecting my guilt onto him by being angry at him and blaming him for things. I thought there was a good chance he was right, I've done that before. But I don’t know, maybe it was partly that, but really I think that I actually want to be the bad guy. I want to be responsible for us breaking apart, and hurting him and us. Because then I’m in control. Then it was my fault, not his. Then I don’t need to feel afraid that people are going to hurt me, because I’m my own biggest threat. I want our relationship to have been as juicy and beautiful as I see it. I want him to be a great guy. I’d rather preserve my idealized image of him than submit to reality. I’d rather hate myself than believe that the person I trusted more than anyone in the world isn’t who he pretends to be. He just disposed of me. 

But even still its hard to believe, and his version is much kinder. He just couldn’t trust me anymore and I had hurt him too much. But he still cared about me so so much. I like that. Because then it’s all my fault, and he's not at all unreasonable. And although I and everyone I've talked to thinks he could’ve forgiven me, I just have believed he has a harder time forgiving people. I guess that’s still possible. But he lied to me. And all he seemed interested in was sex. I just feel like he realized he didn’t want a relationship, although technically we were broken up we still acted basically the same, and that instead he just wanted to be with different girls. And he knew I might not stick around if he did that, and maybe being relationshippy annoyed him. People told me he used me, and he was shitty to me but other than a few times I never really believed it. And I still don’t know. 

I know I need to move on. And I don’t want to be with him. I just want to know. And honestly sometimes I imagine running into him again, and us dating again. But that wouldn't be good, right? And I say I’d like to preserve my beautiful image of our relationship, but I don’t know how to do that when he’s lied to me. I feel like I don’t know him.

I need to stop thinking about this. Im going to watch tv. I’m seeing my friend tomorrow. Like always there's no solution to this, no answers to my questions.