#I MEAN I ALREADY KIND OF LIKED BILL BUT I WAS LIKE “nah i wont simp for him”

[robo-bozo7125]

... oh

[2-d-ents]

1-100 >:)

DAMN WEL THANK U OMG this is going under a read more after some bc damn this is a lot i love u thank u

1. the meaning behind my url

2d! stuart pot! 2 dents in his wee head!

2. a picture of me

the face behind the mask of tons of pics of 2d and noodle

3. how many tattoos i have and what they are:

none :( my parents wont help me pay for college if i get any facial piercings or tattoos, so i’m being patient. i’ve got a jar full of coins that i’ll some day exchange for money and use that for tattoo funds!

4. last time i cried and why

yesterday night after telling my dad i can’t come up with the money in time to pay my medical bill lol

5. piercings i have

just my ears i’m so boring lol

6. favorite band

i really like the band SALES, they are very calming. but i also like gorillaz (obviously), lullatone, K.I.D, best coast, the smiths, and the velvet underground

7. biggest turn offs

shoes???? this sounds stupid and idk why i do this but i dislike wearing tennis shoes on the daily. on a lighter and more understandable note i dislike people who are full of themselves even in the slightest? confidence is like really important and is completely different that conceitedness.

8. top 5 (insert subject)

i’m doing gorillaz songs bc why not.

 faust 

slow country

out of body

el manana

on melancholy hill

9. tattoos i want

already answered!

10. biggest turn ons

LEGS. like nice legs. idk what kind they are (short, skinny, plumpy, long) they are just GOOD u know u look at them and ur like GOOD. they are just aesthetically pleasing sometimes i guess more of like nice for the eye than a turn on. i like choking. ngl.

11. age

i’m 19, 20 in february next year!

12. ideas for a perfect date

planning one now actually! in october i have my one year with my boyfriend so we’re going to rent a hotel in chicago and go around the city for shopping, museums, and plays!

13. life goal

already answered!

14. piercings i want

MY SEPTUM

15. relationship status

dating a really weird hippie kinda dude named jacob lol

16. favorite movie

already answered!

17. a fact about my life

i weirdly own a lot of things with stitch from lilo and stitch on them and gudetama. i told my aunt when i was like 5 that i liked stitch and for some reason in japan there is a lot of stitch stuff like notepads and water bottles. same with gudetama. she just won’t stop sending them. 

18. phobia

already answered!

19. middle name

maura. lol. my mom is mad all her kids have middle names bc japanese people don’t have them

20. height

5 foot 2. i’m sadly kinda short. 

21. are you a virgin?

nope 

22. what’s your shoe size?

women’s size 5!

23. what’s your sexual orientation?

already answered!

24. do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

occasionally drink beers with just my dad, not too much of a party drinker

25. someone you miss

my sorta grandma in japan who passed away recently. my real grandma died before i was born so this lady is my mom’s sister’s husband’s mom but she lived with my aunt so i saw her a lot. she like to make lots and lots of crafts and give them to me!

26. what’s one thing you regret?

spending so much money before i found out i had to pay a 400 dollar medical bill lol

27. first celebrity you think of when someone says attractive

already answered!

28. favorite ice cream?

already answered!

29. one insecurity

my thighs :(

30. what my last text message says

“then stop textin bihhh!!!” to my sister when she said “stop distracting me”

31. have you ever taken a picture naked?

no, but someone has taken a picture of me naked lol

32. have you ever pained your room?

not myself no :(

33. have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

yes!

34. have you ever slept naked?

only after sex so like, napping

35. have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

all the time omg all the time

36. have you ever had a crush?

duh? i am dating boy

37. have you ever been dumped?

like once or twice, i doubt three times.

38. have you ever stole money from a friend?

i think accidentally once? she left 20 in my car and i thought it was mine but i’m pretty sure thinking back on it it was hers but i hate her now so yeah that 20 got spent on a good trip to the cinema

39. have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

too many times this month to count

40. have you ever been in a fist fight?

thank god no. i would lose so fast

41. have you ever snuck out of your house?

surprisingly no? my parents never ask where i’m going and never really have all my life. i would walk to taco bell in middle school at like three in the morning at times and in the morning they would be like “oi how was the quesadilla” 

42. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

now what kind of person would i be if i went through 13 years of general schooling and didn’t have an unrequited love?

43. have you ever been arrested?

nope! never plan to be lol

44. have you ever made out with a stranger?

NOPE NEVER WANT TO

45. have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

this is a vague question that i feel is meant to be like shocking. yeah, i met up with me boyfriend at subway earlier does that answer the question

46. have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

like. every single day lol they don’t seem to care

47. have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

nah all my neighbors are antisocial

48. have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

in senior year i left school in the first hour to drive to canada and drink the day away with friends 

49. have you ever slept in the same back with a member of the same sex?

another question that’s meant to be shocking. i slept in my sisters bed last night

50. have you ever seen someone die?

no but does a cat count 

51. have you ever been on a plane?

too many times

52. have you ever kissed a picture?

i swear i have but i can’t recall of when or of what

53. have you ever slept until 3?

yeah, even 5

54. do you love someone or miss someone right now?

my boyfriend i suppose? i’m used to technically living together and sleeping in the same bed every night so yeah i miss him right now

55. have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

it’s a game called “find the dick in the sky”

56. have you ever made a snow angel?

when i was really young i only remember bc we have pictures

57. have you ever played dress up?

i was a tom boy when i was younger so no

58. have you ever cheated while playing a game

THIS MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY WHO HASNT

59. have you ever been lonely?

what kind of question is this of course i have felt a basic human emotion

60. have you ever fall asleep at school/work?

only at school never at work

61. have you ever been to a club?

no, i don’t really party

62. have you ever felt an earthquake?

yeah, living in japan makes you like never worry about them lol

63. have you ever touched a snake?

get that away from me its cute to look at but no way

64. have you ever run a read light?

only by accident

65. have you ever been suspended from school?

almost once but no

66. have you ever had detention?

saturday detention for dress code once

67. have you ever been in a car accident?

only when others are driving

68. have you ever hated the way you look?

all the time?

69. have you ever witnessed a crime?

i used to sit on the arm of my dad’s computer chair while he used to burn dvds we rented

70. have you ever pole danced?

ONCE there was one in my friends apartment and i gave it a whirl i love it

71. have you ever been lost?

my sister hates relying on technology so once it took us an hour and a half to get home from something that was only 20 minutes away

72. have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

yep! went to nevada and arizona once. 

73. have you ever felt like dying?

can we not lol but yeah

74. have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

what teenage girl doesn’t

75. have you ever sang karaoke?

its a big thing in japan so definitely!

76. have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldnt?

duhhhhh one of those things was to never have sex

77. have you ever laughed until something came out of your nose?

yeah its uncomfortable dont do it

78. have you ever slept with someone 5 years older or younger?

no no no no ew

79. have you ever kissed in the rain?

yeah! not too special there are better places to kiss.

80. have you ever sang in the shower?

i used to a lot, never anymore

81. have you ever made out in a park?

no :(

82. have you ever dreamed you married someone?

ugh i hate those dreams so much

83. have you ever glued your hand to something?

yes :(

84. have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flagpole?

nope! that’s gross!

85. have you ever gone to school partially naked?

is this a crack at dress code lmao

86. have you ever been a cheerleader?

nope and im ok with it

87. have you ever sat on a rooftop?

when i was little my pal let us climb on her roof and was like “i do it all the time”!!1 and then someone called the cops on us

88. have you ever brush your teeth?

what

89. have you ever been too scared to watch a scary movie alone?

every single one? i am a wuss

90. have you ever played chicken?

YEAH THAT WAS MY CHILDHOOD

91. have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

no and good because that means people are considerate about your phone being on you lol

92. have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

one time outside a mac demarco concert a pimp would actually not leave me alone and kept asking me to become one of his girls so i guess so? his name was papa schoolboy and he made me take pictures with him on my phone

93. have you ever broken a bone?

NO AND I NEVER WANT TO

94. have you ever been easily amused?

… all the time?

95. have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

yes

96. have you ever mooned/flashed someone?

only my friends mom because she flashed me

97. have you ever cheated on at test?

in high school yes

98. have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

okay who doesnt wtf

99. have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

mac demarco

100. give us one thing about you no one knows

but if i give it someone knows

[the-firebird69]

and i help my sons build New Vegas and he is shilo and is surrounded now we moved several inlast night...and have foundations being built if we have to we move. one casino by s only we surround him.  and moved several in, about ten.   and it is huge each casino dwarfs Vegas Casinos which are vast, ours are ten times the size several million square feet each, about 50 thousand rooms each...tons of space no we have it now..the raili s almost done and lots paved tons of equipment...tons. and we see it is about the future... huge Casinos  and we speak to Hooters they are wiating.....he sits adn thinks...this always goes pop in my face.   we use thier girls in ours. they can go on the outskirts.  no Hardrock they took him for a ride too, we use it now...no to Hooters nope....stole it from our boy and used it on him lots and he hurts still..nah....we f you up too. we have a few in they want to knoow which Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and it is fully operational and you wear protective gear and enter and sign an agreement noswimming touching even w your gloves and so on y ou may veiw it remotely in the store, and movecameras and all. it is amazing most see it in the store and run to the line.  huge pieces of candy that are edible for aprice you may buy a piece or the whole thing andedible decorative pieces are for sale in thelobbytons of them all different shapes....a favorite the white swan...all candy and fluffy marshmellow mainly, but the kind at easter,and he says it...tons love it...huge ones too that are about the sizeof a giantpolar bear in the shape of men women and more even ofy ou.  tons do it and bring it to tier parties they hvae off campus or in rented rooms or halls tons of halls huge ones. and he will be offered candy bars by bg. tons.  each scanned so they wont let him no want him to and be dissapointed. he doesnt want to go to iether so ou watch ok. Kid Hotel  we named it that.  and it is for you s and your kids your kids now ok.  a baby lamb or soemthing yes.  goat.  and it has the track.  they check first and entered thier cars to be in the ride only a few were selected as were collectors items.  wie hadone.  and th two with him.  we knew....and they loaded up all collectors cars.  old new and the first off the line. tons willride moslty adults at firs to the kid hotel. Auto Mile it is a big attractor he says anchor.  and it is massive.  it has tons of his dispensors and it is usually Pennywise Inc most  think it is these here.  and we hear himno wedont care it is not.  huge too and plenty of showrooms andhis ideas, a track to try them and all feed to it....it is massive, tons like it and hit has a main street you go to and from the  track on. and beep and play loud music.  nad more.....huge with ppl huge. they all go and buy tons of things. his cars too are intermingled and are like Tesla, no, same name only branded differently.  he calls them Thor but are not called that  go and see.  he is a genius with marketing with yours s.  genius.   we have our brands too that are intermingled lots buy them we know what to do with the money Apollo showed us. and it is good.  bg runs Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, and he is happy doing it.  has funny costume as he does in the movie and it is geat tey all love it...says try wait thought a few days too.  then vrooooommmmmm  you will wash away iwth customers....wash away..he laughs and booze there too, tons of candy flavored....and mine yes....for those who need health..he laughs....tons of cars all big four.  all fast car makers.  all specialty, alltrucks up to six tons.  and all other means basically, Harley all japanese and all usa ktm and the trke one and the smallco he liked.  asked they sent some....are a huge hit on the strip...he likes it asked to be in the Man Cave....so he did they like seeing him...and he is like this what am i to do it is buietifiul a bueitiful ride lol. ohno fun. and he runs the Hammer the popular Carnival strength test but right in the middle of th man cave you hear the ding and he chose, the prize, a free room.    the Hammer and bell means your the man...and its yourhammer and night etc.  so not many can. bill hit it right away....and preston...have the swing and arc.  tons laughed it is them.  they won.  saw went at it..... thror tried missed came back jacked an hour or two later andwon. got a roomloved the room too had a great time...beer galore the room is setup like a mancave allof them and you can pick Patriots and so on..not just pillows,chairs and tbles lamps andash trays and much much more you can buy thingsin the room too almostany of them.  amarkenting guru but wethougt of that.  he had itfor a while we did too lots of hft so no Movie Casino and of course bob wanted more and gt it, ceo of the movie casino...a real one and ours.  a drive in or three, huge. roller skated servers.....tons of movie theatres like man caves rentable,headlinemovies in the middle, and more...and we see allare in and weheari t cfo is Enzo fromhere.  and John C Rielly is the Ceo  Death Race Casino and Bar and Raw Bar lori runs the latter saki served there too. ahuge track. she is the CEo and it is massive.  tons of space and huge tracks.  massive and weloadedit allin.  tons of it is fromcali.  huge amounts. and down the street all the refinery stuff  and we see t is like howw ilwe and we know how. massive lines to this one folks it is an alltimefav....and weheard this like Arlen Ness they can buy sign certify and race.  tons like it andneeded the break lol..... we outfit them too.  racin gear customized....and a special request for veep, crazy chicken el polloloco heagreed has sharesnow....and knwe who andwas upset allnight...youi can bo buy a car like the transporter had and outfit it using our stuff, and go and race, get up on the board your name too, tons of stars signedonright away most go for hp first and other stuff later, smart if you canarmor as wieght ruins speed and we know it s true tons of drop plates and more...huge with fans.tons see stars buy one and drive it in traffic it is only outfited the day of the race. not before entreing the pit area...you watch it fromabove andtattoed guys there...and Kat von d has a shop there in New Vegas only two shops now are yours s.  one is  a casion it is Shilo’s  but named Saul’s..and is huge.  he is rich already.  tons go there are comfortable... Bar Cafe is huge too it has so many bars you could choke a thousand small ones pubs from allover Earth are replicated he says a bunch are real lots of real memorabilia from Three Cheers and Bullfinch...and more tons of boston bar memorabelia. a realone here and theretoo.  lost fromnh the strip. huge ones there arefrom all over all clean. decon notnecessary...wekeep it allnice. and ahuge beer factory,allcan see andor tour. it is huge samples at each batch.  and are safely handed out.  no trouble pls or arrested...it is easy no thsor that simple rules.  huge vats of beer. huge. tons arrive. and wine halls thatare massive and cigars and bill is ceo. a huge jobhe says i have to count it andmore tonsof things could g wrongor right.  it is hard. like a factory ihadin lewof this beer thing.  so i am disgruntled.  weill lastonly  afewmonths nah he says it willmove...if need be. wesee it hesays. dontlike it. but im the bar restoring guy who never gavehim  abreak got a job ok.  see how itis  Superhero Bar and Casino  tons of cosplay and all workers are in costume some are s some are not real ones and cosplay all have fun and like it.  occasionally Superman shows, looks real form the last movie series Zod too and co all look real helmets and all. ons love it..huge huge conventions now...huge.  allover Earth they show tons of star wars and Darth Maul allover he is athome now it isterrible again. lol.  huge crowds ovewhealm him andhe hisses at them like the real thing would.  they are shocked he moves so fast and they call thiers security always intercepts, he is agymnist and they move on bt mark him up somehow some stick things to him athey did caa.  huge lines there too to get  in get a room or play the outragesou games wonder women is there....and he got it off the Seminoles, who want him to open a branch there a whole branch....Superhero Branch, says ask Uriel on  a seperate occasion they shall...and will. and they laugh ti will sell Vegas but it is a taste of it and they see he gets it. massive cranes get it done and we plan need land andhe sees.  we work now. tons see it more friendly or appearst o be Jurrasic Park and Casino with real dinasours setup like he said vip pay and get a real view.  others the zoo and it has relics there meaning old lions and tigers and bears no Kaiju. it is very tame but holy crap real dinasours..real. and eat large animals that areskinned anddead.  full cows trex swallows one a day. huge ones too.  fullblownsteer. and he eats allday too. snacks. on chickens andmore.  tons seehim andboast i can kill that and more. and wesee....he likes tosee it live.  it is the dinasour....andhe is the LIzard King andhe has justin as Ceo well justin says he is andi s.  and he is Jim Morrison........and he thankshim but no ok lol. movies yes and a few theatres and tons of film like museums and tons of toys and artifacts for sale and viewing real fossils galore tons...and we see. more there now ok he is tired. Thor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=094MOX6ALMc

[ecotone99]

[MF] Night of The Koi

The workers finished at about 4:30 PM. Richard smiled and shook their hands, thanking them for all their hard work, assuring them that it looked great and that he really appreciated it. They’d been filling in a koi pond in the backyard of his new house- A pond the previous owner had cherished and cared for dilligently, but since he and his partner Alex had bought the house, it had just fallen into grossness and disrepair. They’d made the decision to have the pond filled in, since there were no fish left in it anyway.

He wrote a check for $1,145.77 and handed each of the workers an extra 10 dollar bill just to thank them. They smiled and thanked him back and piled up in the old flatbed dodge they’d arrived in, and began to back out of the driveway, but just before they did, the driver rolled down the window and caught Richard’s attention. “Uhh, one last thing mista Peacock,” the driver called to him. “This uh...this dont usually happen, but, just in case...sometimes the koi...they dont like their pond bein’ filled in. Sometimes...they come back”. Richard began to chuckle, but the serious look in the driver's eyes told him this was no joke.

“Um...Come back?”

“Well...look, just between you and me...when a koi feels its been wronged, they can get downright nasty. Just sayin’.... It probably wont happen, but, just, ya know. Wanted to let ya know.”

With that the driver rolled up his window, waved, and backed out of the driveway. Richard stood in the yard and stared blankly, his gaze going back and forth between the newly-filled pond and the old truck’s taillights as it disappeared around the curve.

*********

“Oh this looks great sweetie” Alex said, walking around the area that had only hours ago been a small pond. “They did a really great job with this sod.”

“Yea, it looks really good. Hey Alex, let me ask you something” Richard said, poking the newly-solid ground with his toes. “What do you know about Koi?”

“Uh...Well...I think its just basically like a more interesting goldfish isn’t it?”

“Yea, I guess, but I mean like...Are they dangerous?”

Alex laughed, then saw the look on Richard’s face. “Umm...I doubt it, unless you’re like algae or something. May I ask why?”

“Uh...Nah, it’s stupid, dont worry about it.” “Uh huh. Well go get dressed, lets go celebrate with dinner.”

“Applebees??” Richard batted his eyelashes. Alex hated Applebees.

Alex sighed. “Fine, Applebees.” Richard kissed him on the cheek and skipped away into the house to get changed.

************

Dinner was terrible, as it always is at Applebees. But Richard was as happy as a person at Applebees could possibly be. “And I’ll have an order of boneless wings to go, please” he said smiling at the waitress. “Oh, and can I have another glass of Mr. Pib please?”

The waitress, a 40 something fat woman with one arm who resembled nothing so much as a troll with a hangover, grunted and took his glass from him. She returned moments later with a brimming glass of Mr. Pib, slammed it down in front of Richard (this was his 8th refill) and stumped away, muttering.

Richard sipped his Mr. Pib as Alex prattled on about something funny that happened at the pharmacy that day. Apparently a patient suffering from chronic irritable bowel syndrome had accidentally gotten a prescription-strength constipation medicine and hilarity had ensued. Richard politely listened as he sucked down yet another wonderful syrupy glass of Mr. Pib, and was so focused on its sugary goodness that he scarcely noticed when Alex stopped talking and stared in horror at his glass.

“Sweetie, put that down”

Richard clutched his glass tighter, wrapping both hands around it. “Never, it’s my precious” he growled. But Alex’s horrified stare convinced him that maybe this time he should listen. He set the glass down carefully and said “Wait...what is it?”

Alex pointed and said “There’s...something in your glass”

“Oh God is it another finger? Pablo, you said this wouldn’t happen again-” Richard turned toward the bartender who was already starting to say something in his own defense when Alex cut him off.

“No- Something is moving in there”

Richard gasped and jumped up from the table. It was one of those stupid high tables where the chairs are like 4 feet off the ground- you know, the kind they use at Applebees because they want to see you fall to your death- but he managed to land safely and peered at the glass. To his horror, the ice was indeed swirling around on its own. They both watched with terrified fascination as something rose to the surface.

“JESUS CHRIST IS THAT A FISH??” Richard screamed like a girl.

And so it was. A small, splotchy orange and white fish poked its head out of the top of the glass, its cold, predatory eyes fixed on Richard. Its small fish-mouth made gasping motions, and it seemed almost as though it were mouthing words to Richard. But he was too filled with horror to watch any longer, and flung himself toward the nearest exit, running to his car and locking himself in.

*********

The drive home was a tense one. Alex drove in silence while Richard sat in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead, muttering things like “I can believe I drank fish filth...that’s bad even for Applebees”. Alex tried to cheer him up, saying the manager offered them a coupon for $5 off their next visit, but it didn’t do any good.

Then a thought struck Richard.

“Hey, Alex...what kind of fish was that?”

Alex gave him a confused look. “I didn’t ask. Why?”

“You dont think that was a koi, do you?”

“I guess it could’ve been, yea. The waitress said someone must’ve slipped it in when she wasn’t looking. I said ‘thats what she said’ and we all had a good laugh.”

“Alex, listen- The man that filled in the pond, he told me something. He said that sometimes, when you fill in a pond like that, the Koi, they, I dont know, they know about it somehow, and they like...they come back.”

Alex stared straight ahead, but Richard could see the look on his face went from one of amusement to one of concern. “Richard, look, I think you’re just tired and I know you’re upset, I dont blame you-” “No, Alex, I’m telling you, the man said they ‘came back’. He said they could get nasty if they felt they’d been wronged-”

“Ok, ok. Look, lets just go lay down. We’ll watch some netflix and just try to forget about it ok?” “Ok” Richard said with a sigh.

*************************************

They’d been home for about an hour when Richard decided to go take a nice relaxing bath. Yes, this is just the thing he said to himself. A glass of wine, a good book, a nice hot bath, that’ll do the trick. He started the bathwater, lit some candles, poured a glass of merlot and grabbed his most recent book, a study in the nature of wormholes by some scientist that had gotten caught in one of those underage prostitution stings a few years ago.

Richard disrobed (he was wearing a robe) and slipped into the nice warm bath, soaking away his fears and worries. Alex knocked at the bathroom door and said “Sweetie, I’m gonna go up to McDonalds real quick.” Alex routinely capped off dinner at Applebees with a far more satisfying big mac about an hour later. “You want anything?”

“No, thanks. Just gonna enjoy my bath. Thanks. Be careful.”

“YOU be careful. I hope there’s no koi in that bathtub.” Alex laughed from behind the door.

Richard didn’t respond, but cast his eyes furtively at the tub. How stupid. Of course there’s no koi in the tub.

“And just in case there are,” he added, “I’m on to your tricks.”

**** Richard awoke with a start. The water had turned cold. He realized he must have fallen asleep in the tub. His candles had burned out and the room was very dark. He pulled himself out of the tub, noting that no light was coming in through the crack under the door. He felt around for the towel rack and, finding one, wrapped himself up. The chill March air made him shiver as he felt around for the lightswitch, and he finally found it, along with the bathroom heater. Turning both on, he stepped in front of the mirror to comb his hair, then, shrieking (again, just like a girl) took a step back. Written across the mirror in lipstick were the words “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID”.

Richard stormed through the bedroom and into Alex’s computer room. “Dude, that is so not funny”

Alex jumped up from his chair. Some superhero in a cat-man costume was doing battle with what appeared to be a giant gummi bear on the screen. “What?”

“You could’ve woke me up, that water is freezing”

“Sweetie, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you’d fallen asleep. I could hear the water splashing around in there and decided to not bother you.”

“Oh whatever, I saw the lipstick, I know what you did. You didn’t hear any water splashing, I’ve been asleep in the tub for-what time is it? God it must’ve been two hours.”

“Richard, calm down. I dont know what lipstick you’re talking about. I did hear splashing in the tub, I didn’t know what you were doing in there, so I just left you alone. What lipstick?”

Richard led Alex back into the bathroom and pointed to the mirror. There was nothing there. “Wait, hold on, I know I saw- hold on, how’d you-” Richard stammered angrily. “Where the hell did you even get lipstick Alex?” he demanded loudly.

Alex stared in bewilderment. “I have no idea what you’re talking about right now” was the only thing he could offer. Richard fumed.

“God dammit” Richard grumbled and began to storm out of the bathroom, but kicked something on his way- It was a tube of lipstick. He bent down to pick it up and said “See? Lipstick. Now why the hell-” and he stopped mid-sentence. He held the tube up closer and looked at the name. It was apparently a brand called “Topshop” and the name of this particular shade was ‘Feeling Coy’.

************************

Richard barely paused to get dressed before he was out in his backyard, Alex close at his heels.

“Richard, honey, look,” Alex tried to restrain him gently, but Richard pulled away, his eyes fixed on the store room.

“Richard, what are you doing?”

“They want their damn pond, I’m gonna give em their pond.”

Richard cleared the yard and flung open the door to the store room. He reached inside and quickly yanked out an old rusty shovel that had been left here by the previous owner.

“What are you going to do with that?”

“I told you, I’m giving them their damn pond”

“Richard this is insane, come inside”

In response, Richard buried the shovel up to the hilt in the sod that marked where the Koi pond had once been. As he did, they both heard the sound of the water hose turning on.

“Wait, who-” Alex paused. Richard glared at him. “You know who.”

Alex looked at him with disbelief. “Richard, I’m leaving. Something weird is going on here, we should go.” “You go. I’m going to end this.”

Alex shook his head and backed away. Before he got out of the driveway, he stole one last look at Richard, silhouetted against the moonlight, already ankle deep in a small hole.

******

Alex found him lying on his back in the mud at the edge of the new pond the next morning, an open book lying across his chest. . Alex had spent the night with friends and came back at dawn to find him there. The yard was completely flooded, and the hole Richard had dug was completely filled with muddy water, his feet dangling in.

“Richard, wake up. Are you okay?” Alex shook him. Richard lifted his head for a moment, then collapsed back down. With a trembling hand, he clawed the book on his chest and handed it to Alex. It was a book Richard had purchased just a couple weeks ago from Books-A-Million-- a book of poems he got because he thought it would make him “look smart” to have it casually laid open on the coffee table when guests came over.

Alex took the book, and saw it was opened to an old Andrew Marvell poem, “To His Coy Mistress.” Below, crudely scrawled in what appeared to be more red lipstick, was the word “REMEMBER.” Alex gasped at a sudden splash behind him.

“Fuuuuuuck this,” he said, throwing down the book into the muddy hole, and with a surge of fury snatched up the shovel from the ground beside Richard. “I’m going to show those mother fuckers what being coy is all about.”

Six hours later, the coroner was stumped. How could both men possibly have drowned in a backyard hole less than a foot deep? Yet that is what their autopsies revealed. He looked at their faces, and compared the bodies to their license photos. Why were they both wearing lipstick? Must be fags.

…

Let us roll all our strength and all

Our sweetness up into one ball,

And tear our pleasures with rough strife

Through the iron gates of life:

Thus, though we cannot make our sun

Stand still, yet we will make him run.

The End.

submitted by /u/Skelter1999 [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2Pud2pX

[minusthecynic]

I aint got time for playing games just that chick who sets my heart aflame it aint no mystery what happened with her and me/ how it wasn't meant to be/ how we fell apart like the little statuette I made of my art group leader in his honour cos it wasn't properly prepared for the kiln/ am I ready to endure that blazing tongue licking trial and torture/ don't kick me when I'm down cos you will teach me nothing you will just breed little beasties of resentment in me/ which wrap themselves around my neck and strangle the living daylights out of me/ in Jah I delight if you didn't know already/ rocking steady to this beat/ the music that's playing in my head when I write this/ I wont be defeated by my pitiful circumstances/ they say time heals all wounds but I've still got scabs cos I keep picking them open every time they start to recover/ breaking the bars of my skin cells cracking them open like fortune cookies/ fresh blood flows out my flesh/ I look like a wookie when folks give me stress/ I'm so blessed/ not oppressed by demons any longer/ though you might think otherwise if you saw the way I treat those pretty witty butterflies that come into my net/ live my love life with no regret/ you can make me soaking wet like the sea/ but I crave a deeper intimacy than the kind that your mind could ever possibly provide/ and its deeper than just bumping and grinding for me/ I want that church and steeple kind of love/ I want that sunday morning you in that white wedding dress kind of love/ I want the whole world knowing about us kind of love/ I don't like doing things in the secret chambers of a garden dark/ hey why should we hide our affection from the world we have been doing that for far too long and you wonder why I snapped my link with you/ don't expect to be respected if you aint prepared to show it shorty/ I aint hating on you I still love you but we can never be together again you already know that/ I know you harbour no illusions about the potential of the two of us to be together/ I'm desperately scribbling like an idiot jailbird chewing his last meal to avoid the temptation of another live video broadcast I shouldn't be watching streaming from the lounge room of some cutie I probably shouldn't be friends with but my love for God is endless/ so can I extend a benevolent hand without my motives being twisted all out of shape like pipe cleaners/ some say I'm a dreamer cos I spit that utopian paradise concept I utilize these skills not to pay the bills just to entertain the masses/ some may say I'm classist nah I'm just a classic/ like retro reebok or Adidas sneaks/ I do speak my mind in volumes copious compendiums of the freedom I've been extended by Jesus/ I won't end up like my grandfolks did/ going to hell in a handbasket/ unless they truly turned around on their deathbeds/ I've got to hope what they confessed to my moms n pops was genuine/ cos id sure hate not to see their lovely faces in heaven/ its pretty tricky yo when youre the second generation/ passing on the truth you learned from your ancestors/ I can relate to that indigenous struggle to maintain cultural heritage/ keep the language alive/ keep our songs and dances going/ put our art on blast/ cos we don't want our past to always remain our past sometimes we want it present in our future also/ only the bits that can potentially be redeemed for Jesus/ some say I'm an also ran/ but I aint gonna freeze up just because hate and criticism be on the increase/ shorty knows ive got it locked with Jesus He causes the evil to decrease in me/ less of me and more of you Lord this is my plea/ I know I cheat cos I don't flow to the beat/ just the music drumming in between my own ears/ perfect love casts out all fear/ you can tell I'm sloppy with my rhyme schemes panting for Christs living water like a thirsty deer/ unlike my homegirl channy I don't flow properly/ I do it sloppily but I'm still Gods property/ I dig this rap game ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper/ ive been that wannabe rhyme dropper/ homies hate on the skills got me wondering why don't they go ahead and do it themselves if they want to hear something slightly more endearing/ I would be cheering/ I aint hating for the sake of hating/ big up my homies I be celebrating/ not denigrating/ this is more than a recreational pursuit for me/ I would do it for a full time job but noones dangling golden cash carrots under me/ little wonder cos my thunder got stolen by way too many broken hearts and the molten lava I fell in/ cos my ego got in the way of my progress/ little girls calling me their idol/ people comparing me to my heroes/ as if I could ever be considered their peers and equals/ my head got big and swelled/ I could barely hold it up it was so bursting with pride/ yet when I chose to walk by the side of the lion of zion I realized how little I was without His help/ and what wee amounts of change I could accomplish stranded on my own on a lonely island/ selfishness just gets you nowhere fast/ ive got regrets for the way I used to live/ that die is cast but I broke the mould/ still haven't got a woman to have and hold/ for the rest of my life though when I do I'm gonna treat her like purest gold/ a diamond that's been cut innumerable times made more beautiful by her scars/ she will forever own my heart/ I hate the fact that I cant be with her right now/ I hate the fact that God said no to one girl but He might say yes to another/ plenty fish in the sea for this brother/ I know its a tired stale old cliché but I believe that I don't have to settle for a life of permanent bachelorhood/ and if youre a chick youre a spinster/ don't let them stick that bachelorette trash labelling on you/ whats in a name/ identity distinction/ you aint one of the bros you're your own person/ I give up on myself too soon just like I did with you/ strap me to a billion black balloons let them weigh down this sad faced clown/ fill them up with concrete when its still dripping liquid/ if that's even possible/ descriptive of the way I feel/ like I'm sweating bullets and lead/ scared of the future without a bae to call my own/ unlike that game show I don't aim to claim the throne/ I'm just happy playing follow the leader/ not straying from Jahs calling rounding up those stubborn ones I'm that sheep dog/ prodding cattle to get moving on a journey of self improvement/ no one knows the troubles ive seen or where ive been/ or the times when ive come in between a rock and a hard place/ or husbands and wives/ gossip separates friends/ and causes you to use kitchen knives/ for something other than slicing up animal meat/ I don't want any more blood flowing down our streets/ we already got robbed once I would be a dunce if I ever put myself in a position to allow that to happen again/ now God provided the money so we can claim back on insurance all that got jacked from us/ and so we could tighten our security/ Lord I wanna live a life of purity but you know what these two eyes see/ pretty young things find their way to me when I aint even looking for them/ so ive gotta be extra careful do that dip and bounce with my eyeballs/ when other dudes in seventh grade were making collages of busty babes I was pasting tiny babies snaps to my page/ we didn't even get to use a pen til then/ maybe it was freshman year/ can we live our lives without causing each others eyes to drip rivers of tears/ all of these days weeks months I wasted/ all of the blood on my lips I tasted/ only from my own d n a far as I could tell/ though some share the same  as me/ in some small way linked by code of genetics to all of humanity/ its pathetic how we start race wars and act sexist/ all because were stubborn and pigheaded/ tell ourselves we can't forgive the wrongs of the past but that's a lie of the enemy/ crazy talk like suddenly sprouting legs and trotting round if you're a sea anemone/ I aint a portugese man of war I wonder what I'm fighting for/ instead of delighting in you Lord igniting that holy fire in me/ I'm frightened for what the future has in store/ I don't wanna be the same old me anymore/ but I find myself in wrestling matches with angels / like Jacob pretty soon I'm gonna wind up missing hip bones/ could you change my name to Israel/ so I know God will prevail evey time someone calls my name/ seeing myself as His success upon each occasion when they point out my failures/ and they will know us by the trail of the dead skin cells attached to bloody bandages we leave behind us when we go strolling down the gardens of the ghettos we all know and love/ I've still gotta live with the consequences of my actions this side of heaven/ I'm so dense and intense most cant handle me so they sit on the fence and observe the way my candles lit/ while I collect my dollars and cents and just smile cos Gods a genius/ cracking me up cos suckers and liars said I could never make any money outta this biz/ guess what I proved them wrong even though that wasn't the motivating factor/ saving souls and taking care of my future family was the only reason why I ever wanted to get cashed up/ I talked way too much trash for my own good/ folks misunderstood the way I acted in my neighbourhood/ losers calling themselves outlaws/ if they got locked up in jail how would they feel for real/ bush rangers strangers highway men by way men/ you aint going my way men so I can relax/ and even if you did pull me over to one side and told this kid to give his money cough that cash give it up quick smart like pash rash or risk losing his life you think i'd care to open my wallet for such deviants/ losing my life means nothing to me cos its in the hands of Jesus stupid/ so I aint fretting if you pull a gun on me and stick it to my head tell me that youre gonna pull the trigger on my skull and blast it to smithereens/ cos I know who my king is/ and I know where my future is/ lying beyond the stars/ they treat me like a spider from mars sipping cider from a glass/ eyeball with a hole where the pupil should be/ I'm like john lennon legend and tupac I wrestle with my own vanity/ that's insanity/ but one out of three found Jesus in the end/ at least that's the truth of which I'm convinced my friend/ some say I'm gonna deal with my sorrow tomorrow then they don't live another day there  has to be a better way/ homies who consider themselves sold out for Jesus still watch movies with cussing does that even bear discussing/ why the shortie of my dreams watching scream queens better yet what I'm doing in that haunted house I should ask myself/ why the ski mask or hockey like Jason why I'm chasing that dragon why I'm facing these giants why I see myself  as a dwarf but my God towers over my oppressors/ why I love the fact that He forgives me despite my constant messing round with transgressions and gressors/ how am I supposed to address this/ so much we don't talk about for the sake of love/ like I quit paying out on atheists/ cos I knew that wasn't winning souls for His kingdom/ it wasn't Christs mindset/ even though I don't believe that atheists truly exist theyre such an easy target/ I close my eyes and try to forget/ about all the blood sweat and tears it took to get my homegirl to where she is today/ thank you Lord for all the change you have brought to her life that death for life exchange/ I had to force myself to slow down cos I wasn't getting anywhere speeding too fast through life/ is it cos I drink too much coffee that I'm mentally rushing through this cconversation already thinking of what I'm gonna do with my day once you're up and gone/ why can't I just chill with it and enjoy the moment/ I don't have a remote control button to freeze the sun and keep you here with me shortie so I've gotta lap up the milk of time you're giving me like a happy cat and don't complain/ cos I cant prolong your stay for any longer than you wanna be here/ I'm sincere in my apology for trying to express my love for you in a physical way before you were ready/ I should have stuck with emotional expressions of the deep impression you carved into my heart right from the very start/ I guess I should have been more careful the kind of pics I was allowing my eyes to look at less than an hour before meeting you/ now I'm entreating you have mercy on me/ give me date number two/ or call it business meet/ cos I mix business with pleasure when the two of us are standing on the same street/ I'm demanding your attention never commanding it/ you could conquer the world if you quit hanging with twits/ do I include myself in that category/ guaranteed you could win a game of scattergories/ look at me I'm an allegory/ for what could happen if you trust in Jesus with your whole heart/ quit playing church and pushing HIm to the furthest branch of your birch/ I know sometimes life situations have got you out on a limb/ and I can't even imagine what you went through having to endure refugee camp/ dealing with that cramped space/ though I can relate to starting over in a brand new country where no one knows your name or face/ or the beauty of your personality/ I know it was hard for your folks cos they probably started at the top in your country then slid back to the bottom in ours/ having to begin all over again/ I remember how excited you were on the advent of becoming a citizen/ we've been through some happy times together/ getting higher than Everest/ stoked off that moment enthralled by your cleverness/ when you got into uni and excelled at those good grades/ when I saw you shining like constellations up on stage/ such a sensation I'm amazed/ you were on the line up for a folk festival I only visited as a paying guest/ is it only in my fantasies you lay your head down on my chest in wedded bliss/ baby let me comb your hair/ I love you in everything you wear/ can you do a fashion show for me when you select what you determine to be the best dress for that particular occasion/ you don't need any make up to look gorgeous/ I could wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with my head besides yours on the pillow every evening/ you got me weeping like a willow cos I only share this double bed with ghosts and memories/ they say the rap  game is a widow maker/ cos cats be onto you pouncing when you shake your money maker and bouncing round the house like that/ every dog on the block wants to chat with you/ wants to lock you in chains make a hood rat out of you/ but you aint going for their smooth talk/ cos your eyes are on your heavenly prize/ not just like some souls whose only goal is to see themselves blaze bright and all the rest of the world can just burn up like a pile of garbage you discarded in your yard cos you couldn't stand the sight of carnage/ they feed people to pigs in my country no really/ they got mafia operating in my local area maybe/ living next door to a bikie gang affiliated lady/ still she can't use her shotgun to make a hole in the foot of an intruder/ its crazy how our laws sometimes protects criminal elements more than it does those who are innocent victims/ I'm sick of chewing humble crow pie eating it just cos evil minded fools won't let sleeping dogs lie and give me peace/ as much as I care about the cause you're fighting for I can do it my own way without your help/ although you asked for mine you didn't want it in the way I was offering/ so I withdraw my assistance/ and I say forget about our friendship if you can't treat me right/ i'm not the scum between your toes/ i'm not a handkerchief you can wipe your bloody nose with/ i'm not that goober dripping from your snoz gonzo/ you think you're the fonz but you're barely fuzzy bear yet alone tonto/ Jah come to my aid pronto get this hate off my mind/ help me stop thinking about the friendships which I'm forced to leave behind/ should have drowned his companionship when my homegirl left me/ romantically though I was the one who hopped on that plane/ I didn't get why wendy Matthews song was sad cos I associated blue skies with gladness even though billy was right they do bring tears/ yet they can also fill you up with cheer/ when you know theres sunshine for days so yall can come out and play/ and I struggle to relate to songs about the sun which stays bright until late in the evening like those catastrophic gothic trolls panicking at the disco  / cos I operate under a different hemisphere but I'm more concerned about concentrating on what unites us instead of what divides/ believe it or not/ I'm ripley praying for those victims of homicide regicide and suicide/ suckers talked about killing God yet He still lives/ despite all of our obnoxiousness such snotty nosed punks He still forgives/ some get drunk off their own pretentions of genius/ yet they forget God is the one who gives their clogs their cleverness and their pants their smartness/ I wont be a bossy boots if you don't shoot the messenger/ did I forget Jesus is in the drivers seat/ I permanently play the role of passenger/ who paid for my passage Yah/ I aint saying things just to massage your ego/ I don't care if the truth is offensive to people/ though I try to speak it in love I don't shove folks in boxes/ without my spirit finding its home in Christ I'm a vagrant with no fixed address having no place to rest like He spoke of Himself in unfavourable comparison to vixens and foxes ❤ 🙂