#I LOVE MY 30 Y/O TRAUMATIZED MEN

[undeadboyfriendsupportgroup]

SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU

MARTIM!!!!!!!!!

MARTIM!!!!!!!!

MARTIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

MARTIM YES I FUCKING LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHH AYAHSB2JDNQKDMWKDMQKDMWKDNWEN

HAVE A DRAWING OF THEMMM BEING GOOEY AND STUPID WIDNWKFMWKDN!!!! Tim slept over and now he's in Martin's clothes AND THEY ARE very big, hehe :3

+ some closeups because I love them

+ very stupid meme because I found it hilarious to draw TIM THIS CUTE AJAJSJSJS

[nico-the-overlord]

0: Height

1: Age

2: Shoe size

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

9: Got any piercings?

10: Want any piercings?

11: Best friend?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if…

17: Someone you miss

18: Most traumatic experience

19: A fact about your personality

20: What I hate most about myself

21: What I love most about myself

22: What I want to be when I get older

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

25: My idea of a perfect date

26: My biggest pet peeves

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school

31: What my last text message says

32: What words upset me the most

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

37: One of my insecurities

38: My childhood career choice

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

42: The last thing I ate

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

44: A random fact about anything

ALL OF THEM GO.

also if you want, tag a friend to answer all of them too

AAA-

0. 5 foot 7

1. Minor

2.zero clue

3. No

4. No

5. No

6. I used to get mistaken for a 15/16 y/o when I was 11/12ish. I got asked if I was 20 once.

7. No

8. Maybe (my parents would kill me)

9. Yea, one on each ear lobe

10. I might wanna get more (my parents would kill me)

11. @/the-story-system <3 (idk if I should tag)

12. Single

13. Zero clue

14. Also zero clue

15. Probably Encanto or Coco…Sixth sense was also cool from what I remember

16. Idk who you are anon, I’ll still love you as long as you aren’t an asshole to me or friends

17. Many of my old friends. Also extended family on both sides. And friends I can’t see often irl.

18. Uhh I don’t think I’ve had any traumatic experiences? Like I’ve had shit happen to me ofc but not traumatic so none

19. I will try to make cookies for you. Or a dessert/other food. I love giving people but esp friends food

20. Hate most…maybe the fact I don’t stand up for myself, weaker in that area

21. This random dot (are they called moles in english?) on my forehead. Idk I just think it’s cool.

22. Probably a teacher of sort

23. Pretty good! I love them both despite us being annoying back and forth but yk, siblings will siblings

24. Also generally good! I however have become alot more secretive around them so uh that’s kinda…not done it good

25. Idc where just meeting up irl. Get to talk and go around. I love play dates and being with people

26. Idk if I have one…I guess people being mean for zero reason to go generic

27. I have too many friends HOW CAN I DESCRIBE JUST ONE

28. Orange and blond hair. Was the president or something. Guess who (I don’t personally hate anyone so)

29. To protect myself and them

30. Slugging through the day when only one of my classes has a real good friend group

31. Sent on discord to a group of friends “I never looked into the ending tho…”

32. Anything that relates back to “you should be more feminine because you’re a girl 🥺” or “you’re growing up and becoming a woman!” not that specific emoji just emotion, but holy shit that gets on my nerves. Even back when I didn’t even identify as trans or knew what that was these annoyed me.

33. I love it when I’m called handsome, idk why just make me giddy. Also when friends say they like my art/writing (((:

34. Their swagger (could I even pinpoint one thing?)

35. Their swagger (again, could I even pinpoint one thing?)

36. With a friend in a house. I don’t really care where but would prefer not in the city

37. Majority of my body, just to generalize

38. I wanted to be a business woman at one point

39. I loveee icecream uhm. Probably french vanilla but caramel-swirl esc types are awesome also

40. Boy this is a loaded question uhm. Idk be me but doing better?

41. Not here physically or mentally or any other levels

42. Chocolate icecream

43. Josh Hutcherson…people other than my friend find him objectively hot yes? (I only have that memorized to annoy her with it lol)

44. Dolphins get high on pufferfish, intentionally ramming into them cause their poison only gets dolphins high!

[inappropriatestork]

get to know me meme

@austrechildes tagged me in a thing - thanks!! 💖

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

a - age: 30 (for like one more week 😱) b - birthplace: South Carolina, USA c - current time:  d - drink you last had: Milk e - easiest person to talk to: Heather - @some-say-this-is-a-blog - and the CHM group chat bunch whom I am too lazy to tag, and my mom f - favorite song: I’ve gone completely blank tbh. I haven’t listened to much music lately because my focus is so bad :/ g - grossest memory: Hmmm, maybe the time my dad brought home a whole skinned-but-not-butchered deer? It probably wouldn’t bother me much now, but I was about six and it traumatized me. h - horror yes or horror no: Noooooooo. I don’t do gore, not much into supernatural stuff, and am SUPER easily creeped out, so murdery/crime stuff will have me paralyzed with fear and unable to sleep for eons (yet I have an unfortunate fascination with true crime articles). i - in love?: Only with fictional/unattainable men, which is exactly how I like it j - jealous of people?: Sometimes. k - kicking ass? Not really. Barely functioning, most days. l - love at first sight or should i walk by again?: Aromantic asexual, so neither. (But in theory, I don’t really believe in love at first sight.) m - middle name: Grace n - number of siblings: 2 younger brothers o - one wish: Right now, that I could get my brain functioning again, because the total lack of focus and motivation and massive executive dysfunction are really making everything so hard. p - person you called last: My mom q - question you are always asked: “Do you play basketball?” because I’m 5′10  🙄🙄🙄 r - reasons to smile: Hockey, MotoGP, my dog, my terrible cat s - song you last sang: City Hall by Vienna Teng t - time you woke up: 7:15, BEFORE my alarm, due to a slight work-related panic attack u - underwear colour: gray v - vacation destination: Europe - Spain, the UK, anywhere really. Or New York City again. Not a beachy person. w - worst habit: PIcking at/chewing on my cuticles till they bleed :/ y - your favorite food: Cheesecake z - zodiac sign: Scorpio

Tagging @some-say-this-is-a-blog @chasingheadlights @edelfan @wyvernchick @lileflottante @gingervivilou @onlyailisha 

[mangryel]

todaaas...(⊙‿⊙✿)

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA AY ME MUERO

Venga vamos palla (lo bueno es que puedo copiar y pegar la lista entera de preguntas y eso me ahorra mucho tiempo y esfuerzo :D)

0: Height

1′70 m

1: Age

26 veranos

2: Shoe size

42-43, depende de la marca

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

En realidad la gente suele acertar con mi edad.

7: Have tattoos?

Aún no. AÚN.

8: Want any tattoos?

En cuanto gane mi propio dinero.

9: Got any piercings?

Nope

10: Want any piercings?

Nah. No creo que me quedasen bien

11: Best friend?

El café. Y mi primo.

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

Ciertos perfumes, formas de actuar...

14: Biggest turn offs

que sea borde sin motivo, los chistes ofensivos, etc. Y esto supera a lo de arriba si se dan ambos casos a la vez.

15: Favorite movie

Big Fish.

16: I’ll love you if...

Si eres amable y me das de comer te querré siempre.

17: Someone you miss

A mis sobrinos, cada día que estoy fuera.

18: Most traumatic experience

Cuando me estaba duchando y me subió una cucaracha por la pierna. Les tengo una fobia terrible, y no se como conseguí arreglarmelas para quitarmela,  ponerme el albornoz y salir del baño en menos de 5 segundos. Luego me pasé 20 minutos fuera esperando a que se me pasara el ataque de ansiedad.

19: A fact about your personality

Soy tremendamente tímido, hasta el punto que de primeras me cuesta mantener el contacto visual, y suelo quedarme sin temas de conversación porque me paralizo de los nervios.

20: What I hate most about myself

lo dicho arriba

21: What I love most about myself

que me he adaptado bastante bien a la vida fuera del nido. 

22: What I want to be when I get older

Dibujante de cómics, que pa eso estoy estudiando

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

Tengo una hermana, y aunque somos bastante cercanos y tenemos buena relación, veo que no somos tan cercanos como lo suelen ser unos hermanos, y creo que en parte es culpa mía.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

Muy buena. Si no no me estarían pagando los estudios. 

25: My idea of a perfect date

una en la que no hay silencios incómodos, ambos nos lo pasamos bien y no me voy a casa con la sensación de haberla cagado en algún momento.

26: My biggest pet peeves

Que la gente se deje las zonas comunes echas un asco, que escuchen musica en publico sin auriculares, que no se aparten cuando vas andando y acabes chocando (y luego no se disculpen)... tengo muchas

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

No se si es algo bueno o malo, pero actualmente no me gusta nadie.

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

Pelo paja, su cara parece una naranja que ha pasado demasiado tiempo al sol en agosto, extremadamente racista y misógino...

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

Para no hacerles daño.

30: What I hate the most about work/school

la gente borde

31: What my last text message says

acho, no entiendo como no hay mas cosas lovecraftianas basadas en estrellas de mar

esos bichos están hechos de pesadillas

32: What words upset me the most

cualquier insulto relacionado con el aspecto físico de alguien

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

literalmente cualquier cosa positiva que me digan, no soy quisquilloso con esto

34: What I find attractive in women

En cuanto a personalidad, me gusta que sean alegres, activas, que se enfaden cuando hay que enfadarse y que sepan defenderse. Si tienen facilidad para improvisar insultos creativos es un fuerte plus. 

En cuanto al aspecto físico, me encanta el pelo rizado y que sepan qué les queda mejor o peor, dentro de cualquier estilo que decidan elegir. 

Quiero dejar claro que esto es MUY en general y para nada exclusivo, cada persona es única y de cada persona individual me atraerán distintos rasgos, que pueden no coincidir para nada con lo que he dicho. 

35: What I find attractive in men

Al igual que he dicho arriba, que sepan defenderse y se enfaden cuando hay que enfadarse es algo que me resulta muy atractivo en general. Aunque en el caso de los hombres, los prefiero más reservados, con un buen sentido del humor. 

Otra vez en cuanto al aspecto físico, que sepan vestir, sea con el estilo que sea, es bien. Los ojos claros, y una buena mandíbula.

Y otra vez, esto son rasgos generales. Cada persona es un mundo, y cosas que me atraen de unos me repelen de otros.

36: Where I would like to live

Pues siempre había pensado que me gustaría vivir en algún sitio tranquilo, con naturaleza y poco ruido, pero he descubierto que vivir en la ciudad también está muy bien, porque tienes acceso a cualquier cosa. Así que mi hogar perfecto es uno que sea mío y que no tenga hipoteca.

37: One of my insecurities

Lo poco fotogénico que soy. No me gusta que me hagan fotos sin avisar, ni cuando en un viaje o algo así alguien dice “foto! foto!” porque se que soy el único que va a salir mal. Siempre estoy retocándome la ropa, el pelo, la barba, etc. 

38: My childhood career choice

De pequeño siempre quise ser actor o músico. De mayor tengo pánico escénico.

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

Buah, el otro día descubrí el helado de mascarpone con higos caramelizados. Suena a pijerío, y lo es, pero JODER, como está eso.

40: Who I wish I could be

Honestamente, no quiero ser ninguna otra persona. Me gustaría cambiar unas cuantas cosas sobre mí, y estoy en ello, pero seguir siendo yo.

41: Where I want to be right now

Justo donde estoy.

42: The last thing I ate

El café cuenta? Si no, un yogur

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

AGH, es una actriz que se que he visto en algún sitio, pero no se me viene el nombre a la cabeza. Esto es otra cosa que odio, se me olvidan los nombres y las palabras con mucha facilidad.

44: A random fact about anything

Se calcula que aproximadamente el 3% del hielo de la Antártida es pis de pingüino. 

Gracias por preguntar, @thewalkingsex!! Me has tenido entretenido un BUEN rato xD

[captain-ezri-dax]

ALL OF THEM ANSWER EVERY SINGLE ONE IF I HAVE TO DO IT SO DO Y O U

B)

uhh i guess formatting wants 44 to be on top. i can’t believe #44 is a top, all the other numbers are bottoms & 7 8 9

44: A random fact about anything - anyone who’s played dragon age inquisition but says that Sera isn’t autistic or at least ND can eat my ass

0: Height - i actually have no real idea lmao?? At least 5”7’ i think

1: Age - aaaaam 20

2: Shoe size - again i can’t tell u cause i haven’t needed to buy new shoes in literally 4 years

3: Do you smoke? - nope

4: Do you drink? - not yet

5: Do you take drugs? - nah

6: Age you get mistaken for - lmao i dont get mistaken for ages im not tbh

7: Have tattoos? - nope

8: Want any tattoos? - hell yeah?? I’d get a nier automata tattoo tbh, maybe a dragon age & rwby one too

9: Got any piercings? - nah

10: Want any piercings? - naah

11: Best friend? - probably Tori??

12: Relationship status - single as shit

13: Biggest turn ons - nicee looking tummies, lap sitting, hickies, neck kissing, tiddies

14: Biggest turn offs - uHH i actually don’t rly know?? Pee, dd/lg & bullshit like that, keep all that away fromm me

15: Favorite movie - idk if i rly have one tbh?? I’ve watched spiderman homecoming a lot

16: I’ll love you if… - tag me in things, send me posts i might like or pictures of things u see that remind u of me or think i’d like?? Be even vaguely nice to me lmao

17: Someone you miss - well, people who aren’t in my life any more aren’t rly people i miss tbh?? I miss pmuch all my friends when they aren’t around tho

18: Most traumatic experience - probably the utterly relentless bullying throughout my entire school career & the teachers agreeing w/ my bullies (but not outright saying ofc) lmao

19: A fact about your personality - uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh?? I get very excited when friends make me things or show me their own things but have a kind of hard time showing it? Does that count. What counts. Help

20: What I hate most about myself - myy probably abandonment issues, clinginess meaning that i try distancing myself from a lot of people in case i get too clingy, my writing style, the fact that it’s impossible for me to learn a new skill cause not getting it right immediately upsets me & i can’t learn, literally my entire body, how my mind works, my writing style & i can’t keep going or i’ll never stop

21: What I love most about myself - uhhh sometimes i make okay worlds & characters i guess??

22: What I want to be when I get older - mmm don’t rly care as long as i have time to spend time w/ friend & play vidya

23: My relationship with my sibling(s) - not bad but like. Not good either?? We just don’t talk lmao

24: My relationship with my parent(s) - bad

25: My idea of a perfect date - videogames, movies, naps, cuddles

26: My biggest pet peeves - lmao idk this one either tbh

27: A description of the girl/boy I like - n/a rn

28: A description of the person I dislike the most - the president of the united states

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend - i. Haven’t lied to friends?? Do people do that??

30: What I hate the most about work/school - it’d be much much shorter to ask what i liked about school & then it’d be such an incredibly short list

31: What my last text message says - i technically don’t get texts cause discord is near my sole means of communication at this point

32: What words upset me the most - “futa” lmao, i don’t even see it only on porn blogs anymore, i’ve seen it a few times on sfw art

33: What words make me feel the best about myself - mmm shrug, just validation of my existence

34: What I find attractive in women - not being a fuckin ter/f or any kind of fuckin bigot but otherwise?? But otherwise it’s hard to pin down lmao, all women are good

35: What I find attractive in men - since when are men attractive in literally any way

36: Where I would like to live - andromeda

37: One of my insecurities - mMM what if my friends don’t actually like talking to me & just feel bad for me

38: My childhood career choice - traffic cop lmao

39: My favorite ice cream flavor - miiiint

40: Who I wish I could be - uUUH?? Me i guess but in the right body & wihtout the defects

41: Where I want to be right now - in my room but w/ a working computer

42: The last thing I ate - cake lmao

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately - i genuinely can’t think of any real people lmao, so i’ll just say Aloy

[omgktlouchheim]

Word Vomit Wednesday - 30 Things About Being 30

Welcome to Word Vomit Wednesday! A series of blog posts about a specific topic from current events that I, and sometimes the rest of the Internet, ruminate obsessively about. All thoughts/opinions/experiences are my own; I don’t claim anything that I write to represent anyone other than myself. 

  Hello lovely people! Today’s WVW will be a departure from the usual content because 1) it’s suuuuuper late (I meant to post last week and not this week) and 2) I turned 30 last week (hence why I did not post)! To commemorate this new decade and because we live in the Buzzfeed era, I’ve decided to do some personal reflection and make a list of 30 of some of the more important things I have learned up to this point. Some lessons took a very long time to sink in, some I had to learn quickly and unexpectedly, and some I’ve always had with me. In no particular order, here they are:

 1. If you say you’re going to do something, do the best you can. You’re allowed to take your time. You’re allowed to change your mind. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad or flaky person if you’re not always able to follow through.

 2. Manage your damage. You deserve healing and people in your life who recognize you as human instead of punish you for it. It is the hardest, least selfish, and most rewarding work you will ever do. Give yourself that gift.

 3. You have a lot to offer. Don’t feel pressured to only give what people may want of you, but figure out how and what you want to contribute on terms that make sense for you.

 4. The most important relationship you have is with yourself. As cliched and overly-simplistic as this statement is, it’s also true. No one is going to be with you as much or as long as you will be with yourself. Figuring out how to be the best you for you makes things feel a lot easier and can even help make approaching your other relationships more manageable.

 5. It’s ok to be vulnerable and it’s imperative to be selective about who to be vulnerable to. Feeling vulnerable is all about feeling safe and can also very much be about context. Not everyone can or should be entrusted with your heart and your experiences, so paying close attention to picking up on who is safe and who isn’t is an important skill to develop. Which brings us to...

 6. Listen to your body. For pain, red flags, pleasure. You may not understand exactly what your body is telling you in the moment, but it’s important. We get so many messages about how we should be and what we could be doing. While a lot of this messaging is meant to help us to be our “best selves” all it really ends up doing is making us distrustful of our own experiences, instincts, and intuition regarding what is actually best for us.

 7. Trust yourself.

 8. People will treat you like shit. Sometimes it’s systemic based on who you are and other times hurt people hurt people. Either way, dump those people and situations.  They will only hold you back.

 9. It’s ok to be angry and to show it. In some circumstances it’s absolutely necessary. Anger and rage are basic human emotions and are not indications of the kind of person one is, but who would know that based on how our relationship to anger is so fucked up in our society. Women aren’t allowed to express it and men are expected to express it frequently and violently neither of which are healthy for individuals or the community at large. Healthy relationships to our anger (and other emotions) can let us know when a boundary is crossed and can give us the energy necessary to assert ourselves.

 10. Be curious. Ask anything and everything. The less mysterious the world is, the less fear is controlling the steering wheel in our lives.

 11. If you can, travel as much as possible. You’ll learn things about the world and about yourself by getting out of your comfort zone. Sometimes, just going out in your own backyard can be enough of an inspiration or adventure. 

 12. Stop feeling bad for wanting and needing things. Toughing shit out just because that’s what we’re told to do is terrible advice. All you’re doing is suppressing important information about yourself.

 13. Friends will come and go, and with them many gifts and insights into different moments from your life.

 14. There is nothing wrong with you. Even if you’re suffering, it may not have anything to do with who you are or anything you have done.

15. There might be something wrong with you. Sometimes if you’re suffering there might be an underlying condition that warrants investigation.  

16. Take your medical health into your own hands. Don’t settle for medical professionals who don’t actually help you find the answers and treatment you need and also make you feel like shit about it. Your health is more important than their God-complex. 

17. Things that once held the most importance to you may change due to unexpected circumstances. Embrace the change and reevaluate your priorities by putting yourself first.

 18. Mourn the person and dreams you thought you would be and have accomplished by this point. Just because things didn’t come to fruition the way you once imagined they would, doesn’t mean those dreams were stupid or a failure. Those parts of you and the space they occupied deserve to be honored. 

 19. Throw societal expectations out the window and learn about who you are instead. The world, and you, will benefit more from showing up as your authentic self than what you think the world wants you to be.

 20. It’s none of your business what other people think of you.

 21. Use your privilege to make space for other marginalized voices and allow others to make space for you to use yours. But, and depending on what space is being occupied, don’t wait to be invited to use your voice.

 22. You will face very difficult and sometimes traumatic situations in your life. You may struggle with decisions in the moment or for years afterward, but there is no right solution. There is only what will be the healthiest for you, sometimes on a moment to moment basis.

 23. Ask for help. As a being that is human, you have limits. It’s ok to know what those are and ask for assistance. No one expects you to be able to do everything yourself and if you find yourself surrounded by people who do, you may not be surrounded by the healthiest people and/or you’ve somehow infiltrated a robot army. So, back away s l o w l y.

 24. Spend time with the people who are most important to you. This seems like a no-brainer but can often feel like a huge challenge. We come up with all kinds of excuses not to be together: too much work, not enough money, who will watch my cat, etc. Sometimes we really can’t get away, but a lot of times we just need to get off the grind.

25. VOTE AND CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES

 26. You may have people you admire and works of art that you love for all kinds of reasons. Creativity can unite us, help us empathize with one another, and speak truth to power. Once a person wakes up to the power structures that affect and oppress us in daily life, they will also realize that no matter how much joy someone, a song, or a film can bring, it does not mean that it may not be problematic AF too.

 27. Allow life to happen, but not too much. Be more proactive in your own life lest you get too swept away in other people’s decisions.

 28. Figure out your boundaries and set them. If others don’t respect them, that’s a reflection of them not you. And take that as a cue to dump those people as fast as possible. You can’t change anyone so don’t continue to kowtow to people who think your feelings/needs are not as valid as theirs.

 29. People will surprise you. Just as you are changing, so is everyone around you. Sometimes these surprises will hurt and other times they will move you to the happiest tears. 

 30. Allow yourself to acknowledge all the good things in your life, everything you’ve accomplished, and the love you get from others. It’s ok to accept and be recognized for your awesomeness without deflecting or self-deprecating. Because you’re great, no excuses needed! 

  Katie Louchheim could not be offered enough money to EVER want to relive her 20s. She has a feeling the best  is yet to come. 

[gh0stboy]

0 thru 44 my guy it seems you need a distraction lol

flsdfhjhd thanks m8 im gonna die doing this but im hype for it

0: Height

ya boi short im 5′1

1: Virgin?

take a guess man (look me in the eyes and tell me someone will tolerate this mess. try it)

2: Shoe size

6.5-8

3: Do you smoke?

sometimes with some people

4: Do you drink?

also a sometimes 

5: Do you take drugs?

haglkhdsag i get high w friends once in a while but Not Often Enough

6: Age you get mistaken for

probably 12

7: Have tattoos?

not yet!!!

8: Want any tattoos?

yesssss i wanna get a nice minimalist thing done of geryon done in red ink and i probably want a ramshackle glory tattoo of sorts

9: Got any piercings?

nope, somehow never even got my ears pierced 

10: Want any piercings?

yea but i dont know what i want

11: Best friend?

akljglaghlag all my friends are too good to choose

12: Relationship status

single as hell bud

13: Biggest turn ons

do we really truly want an answer to this bc i am a Hellscape

14: Biggest turn offs

being mean for no reason, ignoring boundaries, etc.

15: Favorite movie

ohhhhh jgjalgjlas fight club, legend, on the edge, girl interrupted, heathers, they look like people, nightmare on elm street, hellraiser.....

16: I’ll love you if

if you’re fuckin nice to me lmao

17: Someone you miss

all my idiot fuckin friends who live way too far from me

18: Most traumatic experience

do u want a play by play of my childhood what i can remember i mean

19: A fact about your personality

im a lot more excitable than i seem

20: What I hate most about myself

o h b u d d y uh.i hate how bad i tend to overshare

21: What I love most about myself

i really just own how much of a wreck i am yknow 

22: What I want to be when I get older

i’d like to be a director

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

one outta 3 aint bad eh

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

🙃 oh pal,,,,,,

25: My idea of a perfect date

take me out for coffee, a movie at home, a nice time at the park,,,just something chill u know

26: My biggest pet peeves

people who say they understand your problem/agree to help but then. Yeah

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

w

which one

really which one i have a crush on so many fucking people

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

80 year long tumblr vague post that t o t a l l y wasn’t petty and was d e f i n i t e l y factual lmao

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

im not being that bitch i swear but i can’t remember when i last lied to one of my friends purely bc im trying to remember

30: What I hate the most about work/school

people who dont do their job expecting me to be able to do mine even tho it directly hinges on them

31: What your last text message says

do dm’s count im saying they do

it’s just me bitching at z to charge his damn phone like a normal person

32: What words upset me the most

“asinine” “chattel” and certain other phrases that Say Too Much

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

“your eyebrows look good” “you look nice” “i love you” and the phrases that potentially come w it

34: What I find attractive in women

nice, likes cool stuff, tells me about their interests

35: What I find attractive in men

nice, likes cool stuff, exists in my direction

36: Where I would like to live

ireland or finland

37: One of my insecurities

my voice/what i say

38: My childhood career choice

i wanted to be a medical examiner

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

cheesecake!!

40: Who wish I could be

adam ant’s trophy husband uhhh i would love to be my vision for my future self

41: Where I want to be right now

bri’s house, chicago, south dakota, anywhere else my friends are/might be

42: The last thing I ate

a pack of fruit snacks

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

don’t make me make 2 adam ant jokes twice in a row

44: A random fact about anything

one time i read a post that said that introverts are adopted by extroverts (but i feel like i work in reverse bc i keep finding extroverts)

god i fucking finished it YEET 

[hashtagswagstag]

you do all the numbers then too. meh. mEH. MEEEHHHHHH

hehehehhheheheeeehehhhhhhheeeeee

0: height 5′4″1: virgin? no2: shoe size 93: do you smoke? no4: do you drink? YUP5: do you take drugs? no6: age you get mistaken for I...don’t know that I do?7: have tattoos? no8: want any tattoos? I’ve been designing some things. I was thinking about getting a feather quill with a script ‘rise up.’ under it on my wrist/forearm but I haven’t fully decided on anything. I really like the idea of rib/kind of underboob but lower (?) tattoos but I don’t know what I’d put. I like the fact that they’re almost always covered so they’re like...just for you.9: got any piercings? no10: want any piercings? not particularly11: best friend? @artsyfartsychickadee12: relationship status singleeeeeeeee13: biggest turn ons being funny, nice hair, ARMS???, eyes, butts, I dunno14: biggest turn offs bad breath, too much drama, disrespectful, racist, just being a dick in general15: favorite movie good god i can’t answer this. there are too many kinds of movie. here’s some movies I really like tho?: O Brother Where Art Thou?, Ex Machina, The Empire Strikes Back, Moana, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them16: i’ll love you if you are kind17: someone you miss @artsyfartsychickadee, @madmadmadamem, Jenna, all my Boone friends18: most traumatic experience I’ve been fortunate to not suffer much trauma. In terms of things that traumatized me, as a child (I was like 3) my dad took me on what used to be the Scooby Doo rollercoaster at Carowinds. It was made for children. I couldn’t ride another rollercoaster until I was in the 6th grade. But like I said, I haven’t really had any that come to mind. If I did, I guess they’re pretty repressed.19: a fact about your personality it’s probably made of memes20: what i hate most about myself I am a procrastinator and it kills me21: what i love most about myself I am kind and I am creative22: what i want to be when i get older well I am an adult and I’m going to do interior design23: my relationship with my sibling(s) p chill. we get along better than we did when we were younger, mostly because he stopped breaking my stuff24: my relationship with my parent(s) pretty good mostly25: my idea of a perfect date I like getting to know people so if it’s a first date, please do not take me to the movies because if you try to talk to me there I will shush you. Getting a coffee (or tea for me) and hanging out and getting to know each other, going to cool historical places or museums or something, walking around in a park or through a city or something.26: my biggest pet peeves I hate when there’s hair...like...not on people. When it’s like in a shower or something. Creep. Also when people have issues with you and instead of talking to you about it like a rational person they just bottle it up and get mad and you don’t know why until they blow up at you. When neighbors are loud at like 3 am when I’m tryna sleep.27: a description of the girl/boy i like I really don’t have a crush on anyone rn28: a description of the person i dislike the most he’s about to be the president and he’s an evil fascist29: a reason i’ve lied to a friend So I wouldn’t hurt their feelings/to protect them30: what i hate the most about work/school people honestly expect too much in school. like hi, i am not a superhuman, thanks.31: what your last text message says “so many parking spots were full of snow pile”32: what words upset me the most I...don’t know33: what words make me feel the best about myself “good job” or “i’m proud of you”34: what i find attractive in women all women are too beautiful and flawless and I am in love with all of them. 35: what i find attractive in men physically: ARMS (they don’t even have to be super muscle-y. Just...love a good arm), good hair, eyes. not physically: kind, funny, caring, likes animals, good at the cuddle36: where i would like to live NYC or Dublin, Ireland. I also love DC, but not while Cheeto Hitler lives there37: one of my insecurities ACNE. FUCKING. CYSTIC. ACNE. i’m too old for this shit.38: my childhood career choice veterinarian39: my favorite ice cream flavor Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked40: who wish i could be I’m happy to be myself, I think.41: where i want to be right now Boone. I just wanna finish school.42: the last thing i ate salted chocolate Lindor truffles. honestly they’re the best.43: sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately Adam Driver. Light me on fire. God damn.44: a random fact about anything Peter Cushing (Tarkin) wore slippers on the set of Star Wars because the boots for his costume were uncomfortable so his feet don’t appear in the shots

[wonderingangelsuniverse]

February 2nd 2018

I don’t even know where to start with all the many things that have been going on as of late. I can’t decide if I should start with two weeks ago or just begin with today. Well there has been an abundance of anger going on within me. I think today is a good example of this. We were all sitting on the couch. I was drinking my coffee remembering back in the day when we used to all meet up really late at night and go to the diner together. The boys would add so much sugar to their coffee. Hope and ApprenticeBoi were reading and Moe was stirring up the whole living room with his intense boredom. That’s when out of fucking no where at 2:30pm Hope just had a seizer mid conversation. He looked around the room and then bam. Kept his page for a while even. I just went and got his dad because I was so pissed off I couldn’t decide fast enough to push him over or let him remain on the couch. Hope and I’ve become significantly closer sense I’ve returned back to Hawaii. I guess his condition keeps getting worse and worse. I swear I can’t remember a time when this has happened so randomly. He bit his tong making blood spewed all over the couch. Gabe heard me tell ApprenticeBoi that he was having a seizer because the small ignorant boy started laughing. Apparently our student teacher relationship is very close as well as I didn’t fucking flip for his immature behavior. The only comment I ended up making was something along the lines of, “ How about you sit and read your book instead of making terrible comments.” He seemed to listen to me as I was being quite urgent. I wasn’t mad at him though. I then spaced out and asked Gabe what he was getting ready for right after he took a shower. I can’t say I’ve been being super bright these days either. I have a theory that I’m just not listening to me as well unless I verbally state what I’m saying. Update: I just talked to Hope’s dad and he mentioned that Hope had just gotten up. That makes this whole situation a lot less concerning to me. I guess the neurologist had explained that he tends to have a his episodes in the time where his brain is beginning to boot up after awakening. I didn’t realize how long it takes for a brain to start running but I also didn’t realize that they could know so much about his problem and yet still not completely fix it.  

Who’s Gabe? Yeah, that goes back two weeks ago when I started this whole gig cleaning air planes. A week before MelloMad and I started Gabe had gotten fired due to the closer of the Santa Maria unit of the airplane company. Sandy, the head director of the airline for Hawaii is stationed in Kona and for the most part to my understanding he runs at least Honolulu as well. He called Gabe only a day after he was fired to offer him a place with the intimate group of mechanics here on the Big Island which was apparently about a month before he came here, That’s when he stayed in the pilot’s grew house for about a month. I guess around six months ago Gabe’s goil Lee Ann died a slow death due to the cancers. I know this experience very well. I feel like Gabe and I are meant to be friends.

Jerry, the lead mechanic of the later in the weak mechanics groups, Wednesday to Saturday, was the blessed man to get us the job cleaning. He lives only up the road from us. He would have been able to help us out in these hard two weeks that nearly drove me to stabbing my best friend haha. I said, “would” for a damn good reason though. The day of the missile or that Saturday, he was riding his motorcycle through an intersection and like most nearly fatal biking accidents was drove into by a car trying to make a left turn. It really is a shame for both Jerry and the now traumatized driver of the car. I guess from what I heard, Jerry got up and walked over to the guy to give him what he deserved in violent words, which tells you the kind of guy Jerry is, before he sat down declaring that he thinks he needs an ambulance. One of the other mechanics on the other shifts neighbor found him and called the emergency services. We saw him last weekend and oh my was he bruised and shattered. His hole left side was completely wrecked. He shattered on of his knee caps and had a giant circular chunk taken out of his leg. His other knee is broken and both spots right above his ankles are fucked. He’s going to be out of work for four months. He told us he’s headed to his mom’s in Cali. I don’t blame him. I would want my mom as well.

With Jerry out of the picture, MelloMad and I would have to rely on the fact that BoldFuck and Mom-o-pan go to Kona each day if we are to return home. Sounds good yes? Our shift is from 8:30pm to 4:30 am. That means BoldFuck and Mom-o-pan cannot be that inconvenienced sense they have children. Fine, whatever, I get two weeks of helping us out while we wait to get paid does seem a little over whelming.... We did get the job in the first place so BoldFuck could quote on quote stay home with his kids. More about this later. I’m so happy to be writing after all this time omg. Alright any how, all these sentences lead up to the fact that Kona Airport is sitting in a dry hot lava rock climate around five miles from the city. No money combined with MelloMad’s inability to walk long distances for some form of foot related problem leaves us stranded at the airport all week. MelloMad and I managed to find a nice culvert buried deep under the highway to take refuge in. The two of us kind of swore off BoldFuck and Mom-o-pan after that because honestly this was insane. I’d end up paying four hundred of the four hundred and thirty seven dollars I made on my first weeks work to them for the month of January after I spent two weeks of that month sleeping in a fucking storm drain.You crazy fucking assholes.

This is where Gabe. our Hispanic 47 year old friend from the gangster areas of both Nevada and LA, would come in. He had the pilot’s car, I can’t remember the model lol. It was a really small two door car that wasn’t even a hatchback. We banned together with him since he was sleeping in this car as he both already blew all of his money on women and alcohol and the fact that Kona living is nearly impossible. Between the three of us our best bet would be to find a car over a house so we could in fact live. Hilariously I found a great deal on this apartment that I’m half tempted to keep trying for, for the four of us. I have a small wish of chilling in the condos shared backyard pool in a pink floaty, like the man from when we were on Hilo side chilling with my wondrous Angel of Melody. Haven’t texted her in a hot minute haha.

Angel of Melody is actually a great segway to why I think Gabe and I are meant to be friends. When he did return the car he joined us for about a week and half in the storm drain. BoldFuck and Mom-o-Pan would come pick us up for the weekend but man does rivet-y metal cylinders *fuck me* sucks to sleep in. I’m gay and I think that amazing and magical fact has to come with some form of repercussion in itself for I live in a time where abnormality, although worshiped, often is actually frowned upon. “It’s good to be unique!” Lies I tell you, unless its going to make you an abundance of cash to swede people other wise. One person that we all know very well as Wondering Angels’s number one anti lesbianism antagonist is MelloMad. He could probably easily defend himself by stating that he doesn’t mind lesbians at all as he watches porn of it.. Maybe? I actually question that lol. Plus lesbian porn is fucking stupid. I tried to tell him but he told me it’s because I want the love and not the lust. It’s probably where I’m watching it. Honestly though, how many time’s do lesbians have to clearly state to people that scissoring isn’t the fucking bee’s knees of lesbian sex? I haven’t even had sex with another women yet and I can agree. I’d give you some sources to this from my hours of researching when I was having a crisis but…. I don’t have internet right now alongside the point that I just don’t want to. It’s hard for me to say something so opinionated on other peoples behalf sense I can imagine MelloMad seeing this as an opportunity to disprove my point. I could even imagine a different color text being typed across here like: This is MelloMad and your wrong because I never hear anyone say that. Yes, I understand your word is way cooler then mine, awesome. Even just yesterday when MelloMad was having a good day and I was asleep in the backseat, I heard him tell Gabe I needed to prove to him I’m gay. Gabe even told me MelloMad thinks I switched… SWITCHED. Look, what the fuck?! I actually did bother explaining to Gabe why this was and it brought up my mother which was good. Actually it all lines up really well. I’m just getting to good at my job. Gabe isn’t homophobic in the slightest and that’s so refreshing. Someone whom of which MelloMad has no influence over would like to hang out with me and isn’t homophobic haha, perfect right? So I can give Gabe support on Lee Ann and he can give me support on my very CLEAR gayness.

Can we stop here to speak about how I’m not fucking curious? Yes, we can because this is my letter to you and not the other way around. Here is a brief essay on why.

I am not curious because, I was born very gay, I have no sexual feeling towards men, and sex isn’t everything. When I was only hardly a handful of years old my brother Chris had a girlfriend named Christal. Christal was this super fucking hot blond chick that I would pretend was my girlfriend. When I was in the third grade I joined the boys and girls club because my friend Liza went there after school as well and she was really hot! I found out she was signed up for the other side of the club. I was quite lonely there but I continued to attend because this sixth grader named Sam, whom was another hot blond, walked the same way to the bus as I would. If I was fast enough getting out of class, I was able to catch her. My sister-in-law and my mom both knew I was gay. Mom’s always know! Secondly I am not curious because I have no sexual feeling towards men. That ALONE should be a good enough fucking reason you ignorant fuck. Finally FUCKTHIS.

Well teach, I didn’t probably not get a very good grade on dat essay but anyways, I don’t know much more about what’s going to happen between Gabe and I accept that he’s going to help me get some spine talking to women. He’s also taught me a bit about airplane mechanics and some Spanish. El avion esto muy limpio. El avion esto sucio. Airplanes are men in Spanish. I am Spanish as I am from Spain and therefore some Spanish won’t kill me sense its so widely spoken. I quite enjoy learning. Trying to get the sentence; my favorite game is life is strange, down now. It’s like: Mi favorito Jewenkn something something esto esto extrago or something. Yep lol one time reading it off Google translate and I got this haha! Ironically I can read Spanish quite well so if I wanted I could just translate everything but meh why not memorize it?  

Let’s go back to the spine and women thing. I was at Gabe’s favorite bar having a single IPA when I staring at the bar tenders ass as she was wearing this cute pair of black short shorts. I think it should be illegal to be that hot because why am I such a sucker for blonds with hips? Her name’s Shy. Gabe informed me last night that she’s trying to get a plane ticket to Maui for her birthday but she has a boyfriend to go with her. Gabe and I were talking before he found this other blond to be bothered with cause he knew what I didn’t and I mentioned to him again that I’m gay. I was trying to be obnoxious about it in hopes Shy would maybe start speaking of it but I think she sadly didn’t hear me. I guess repeating I’m a lesbian, I’m a lesbian, isn’t going to help me get laid any faster but that’s why I need Gabe to help me out. Now, I didn’t think or think she heard me because she was in the other room. Now the sad part before I go on is that she’s the bar tender so she’s supposed to be nice for her own benefit. This is America after all. She could of easily of done this because I’m friends with Gabe or it could have been completely coincidental. Destiny does tend to spoil me. I did state I had no fucking money though and Gabe did buy me the beer. He’s a really good guy. Let me tell you, I was watching chopped all star addition. I’ve really fell out of chopped over the years but it gives me such a nostalgic feeling from back when that was our jam. Did my mom like chopped? I feel like we would watch it together when we were babysitting at my brothers. Remind me to mention this when I tell you something cool about lately. Next paragraph maybe. Alright back to Shy. She kind of was trying to talk to me but I couldn’t keep myself together at all. I was so damn nervous I wouldn’t stop touching myself all over my head like I was trying to calm myself. I had my hands tangled in my hair I was super insecure, I was just all wrong. Really I just wanted to watch Chopped, sadly. The extremely hot girl was making things so difficult. HER VOICE SOUNDED LIKE the Angel or Dreams or Dream Angel’s HELP. I can’t, alright, alright, okay okay. Gabe was gone and only one other person was at the bar. Now I was sitting by the TV where I could read the sub-tittles which happened to be by the register and most of the tap, oops. She had a moment and stopped to read the TV. I looked right at her like a not so sly moron. She turns to me and is like, “Oh she has a wife, that cool to see a lesbian on the show. They should have a strictly gay version of chopped.” She looks me dead in eyes and I just say, “Yeah then there wouldn’t be any room for discrimination.” That’s when the conversation was over. “I’d watch the shit out of that.” or “I’ve always wanted to be on chopped.” FUCKING ANYTHING REALTED TO ME WOULD OF HELPED. FOR FUCK SAKES I’m SUCH A NARASISTIC FUCK HALF THE TIME, ALWAYS SPEAKING OF ME AND HERE I AM COMING UP WITH A COMPLETELY NON ME RELATED THING TO SAY. I guess it’s better then being like, “Fuck me.” Rip…. I was so mad I just ignored her existence even harder and left the bar after drinking the rest of Gabe’s beer. I just angry ranted in the bathroom for a good hour after that. I was chilling in the car when MelloMad and Gabe thought they would pull a prank on me by trying to insist we needed to turn our badges in. I didn’t believe it because MelloMad wasn’t pissing angry. We just went to get Gabe’s new badge scanned for documentation and MelloMad and I’s member ID’s were in too. Now we can fly free on all of our flights. 

Well when we were at the bar and Gabe walked off with that blond, MelloMad messaged me cause I guess he was with Gabe about how the car might get toed sense we left it at our new bank. We opened an account before hand. When I got there I saw the notice from security  under the whipper. A parking violation warning. I snagged it up in so MelloMad didn’t have a direct reason to bitch around or at me. Well I guess he didn’t even see it at all. The blond Gabe was walking with was older and she was all over MelloMad whom was working on some music. He was getting more and more pissed at her annoying him. It was hilarious. We dropped her off at her house in which she was selling due to her Ex Husbands assholishness. I suggested she rent it out xD ;). Hope lost but later after their little fired prank they failed to pull off. I got Gabe good as I walked off, put the note back where it was but now in the airport parking lot and then went to rant in the bathroom as if I was busy. When I returned they both thought they drove with it on the windshield. YEAH totally. Gabe sounded worried for a second and I decided sense there prank was so shit, I’d quickly spoil my good one. I confessed to putting it there, luckily I didn’t get reamed but I also didn’t get a single laugh either which pissed me off anymore. 

All in all I’ve been hella angry lately. Considering how fucking anxious, depressed over his grandfathers sudden death, and emotional MelloMad has been due to just a random on slot of sudden change.. It sucks cause that’s all Gabe knows MelloMad for. Yet Gabe is/has been slightly over emotional too. I don’t blame either of them so I just sit SILENTLY. Somehow I’ve remained mostly silent. I think it might have thrown MelloMad through a bit of a loop. I’m never quiet but I to know I’ve had quite a bit of anxiety therefore to remain strong I’ve just kept quiet during any even potential arguments or problems that could a rise verbally. I must say even with my efforts there has been twice now where I’ve snapped at MelloMad. One time over me trying to help MelloMad find a solution he can effectively use regarding a bank account which we already went over, we both opened one. I was trying to get him to open maybe a pay-pal. You can use a debit card, master card or vista, bought for roughly a dollar or so or even order a pay-pal debit card. No banks involved in that option. MelloMad insisted that at max three dollars was to much but can’t get over them holding his check for over twenty four hours. Obviously both quite irrational rebuttal and to his surprise the nice man who set us up with an account made sure our money didn’t get held. So fuck me for trying to help. The other argument was at work and was literally over how much sugar per flood ounce was in both the tea and monster energy drink and which had more sugar. Yeah I to got tired of this argument just reading that sentence. This is what happened, seriously this is ridiculous as is. I was board and I calculated his tea as the two servings which would come out to 54 grams of sugar in his entire 24 ounce bottle. I didn’t calculate as two servings and did the math of 19 grams of sugar for the 16 ounces. Obviously mine already has less sugar? Well that’s about 1.2 grams of sugar per ounce on the Monster and 2.3 grams of sugar per ounce of tea meaning the tea had double the sugar per ounce. I didn’t even explain all my reasoning to Erwin when he concluded that I was terrible wrong. I listened even though he never gave me a breath to fully explain especially after he pointed out there was in fact two servings in my Monster. He also insisted over and over that there was three times more sugar in my Monster. Well like I said I’m not afraid to be wrong. I love it. usually if said person doesn’t make me feel like shit over it. My love for learning usually out weighs all. So the Monster had 38 grams of sugar to its 16 ounces meaning there also 2.3ish maybe 2.4 grams of sugar per ounce. For some reason when I did the math last time and fixed it and then did it on my calculator the tea had exactly 2.2 percent more sugar per ounce but that doesn’t make any sense meow unless somehow the second time I calculated it during the argument I managed to calculate the percentage. I mean 27 twice is 54 and dividing that by 24 goes into 2 and 6/24 which is in fact 2.4. Which I mean if you just multiply my first answer my 2 its still going to come out the same amount of sugar per fluid once. No matter what it isn’t three times...  I was quite angry he even accused me of interrupting so I suckered him into interrupting me lol. I am considering the idea that he might be literally going insane. I also think MelloMad has a hard time accepting that I am actually very smart. Considerably and debatably, smarter then him. He was frustrated that I finished signing up for the websites we use at work with so much faster then he. He was almost instantly mad at the computer as soon as he laid eyes on it though so I don’t know what he expected. I don’t see why in anyway it matters if I’m in anyway shape or form more ineffectual. I wasn’t born smart I worked hard to be smart. He could easily do this as well and I know for a fact there are things I know not much about that MelloMad knows plenty of. We are equal even if so. I wonder if he just sees me normally as less adiquite so when I do prove him wrong its more frustrating. I on the other hand hold MelloMad to an equal standard. If he does fail in any way I trust him to figure it out or at least I’ll help him. I’m talking so much shit about him because of how frustrated I’ve been with him lately. I really hate how much pent up anger I have even if I know exactly why its happening. I have to go off to work in thirty minutes so I’ll have to continue this whole part another time.

My Mom loved chopped. Remember that sentence? Well My sister-in-law friended me recently on facebook. I’d imagine I’ve mentioned it. I saw a heartwarming post of before she friended me about how she was having a coffee totie 2 remember her Mother-in-Law I nearly broke down crying. I don’t believe in evil. I can’t see the evil. I even had Guy admit to me that hell as of now, according to the Bible, doesn’t and won’t exist until judgment day. I think its ironic and amazing that I was finally able to get him to confess. By the way, I’m not Christian. MelloMad in the mist of our difucklty was contacted by his father’s sisters. His aunts he didn’t know of. This inspired me with my new found friendship on facebook to ask my sister-in-law of my own half sister. I didn’t know her name until now but I’ve known of her for a long time. I’ll have to tell you all about her later but I told her all about me and as soon as she’s completed her cool nursing exam she will respond to her long lost sisters brief life summary. She didn’t even know I existed until I messaged her haha. Well anyways I have to go to work. Stay awesome Pain!              

PS can’t forget about last nights anxiety dream about the room change. That song I showed to jenny. The dream was much wow. Very refreshing and Hope there too