#I LEGIT. ITS LIKE. I DOTN KNOW

[krynutsreal]

shut up because now I will show you sillies the autograph itself because now I'm home and I can explode in peace

selfi💪

[shamehaversoffontaine]

ok i just took another look at the lore and realized i was incorrect. because we actually know what the project haikaveh did. they legit put the title of the thesis in one of kavehs stories. so it wasnt that.

but thats what i thought. it would explain why they have nothing to do with it, game design is well within kshahrewar + haravatat disciplines (though it would fall under vahumanas scope as well) and they dont play yet (and wont have cards in 3.8 either, even though the prodigal kazuha will), so they must both have very strong objections to playing seeing as they often find themselves in the vicinity of cyno. it would have to be more than just 'too busy' (youre here right now arent you) or 'too expensive' (i will lend you a deck)

it all makes perfect sense. i dotn think "Decoding the Runes and Architectural Philosophy of the Ruins of King Deshret's Civilization" could have lead to the creation of gitcg (you notice how its GI for genius invokation but also GI for genshin impact?) but it somehow had to, because thats the only time they wouldve been working together in recent years, unless they somehow created it during their current cohabitation. when pigs fly.

like, it can't be that, its probably just some npcs, but it also can't not be that. you know?

[imraespace]

HIHIGIIGJijihihigiihihih dailt chekcin becofe i start my work

today was actually kinda okay ish i finally participated in my chem class and actually said something that wasnt as stupid than what i usuallt say AND THE TEACHER DIDNF SAY I WAS WRONG SO YAYAY

in my cooking class i was looking at… BOOKING FLIGHTS, HOTELS, RENTAL CARS AND RESERVATIONS FOR RESTAURANTS?? HELLO WHY IS THIS PROJECY REAL IM ABOJT TO WORK ON IT BUT I WANAN DELAY IT EVEN FURTHER CUZ IM A LITTLE UPSET RN

ididnt get jnto the graphic designer position and im like forcing myself to be upset over it or else im gonna be sad over it later and i feel like thats worse bc then at that point its gonna be irrelevant so BUT IM ALSO LIKE WHO?? CARES?????? ITS NOT THAT DEEP AND EVEN IF I DID GET IN ID BE PISSED OFF THAT IM MAKING A POSTER AND NOT STUDYING FOR A TEST OR SOEMTHING HELP and the club is actually irrelevant as hell so it doesnt even really matter

plus anyways theres another thing i signed up for so ill wait for that one instead mueheuheheh but i dont think im getting in that either but at least i applied idk …….

UMUMUM theres nothing else that happened today OH I FINISHED MY NAGI EDIT ITS BEEN FINISHED ACTUALLY HELP IDK WHEN TO POST IT EXCEPT ON SATURDAY WHEN IK IT PROBABLT WONT FLOP AS HARD 💔💔 BUTITS OKAY 😈😈 i need to think of another edit idea or finish that sae edit its been .. pending for like two months now i swear.

i have a test on friday and then another test next week tuesday for history I WANAN DROP OUT OF THE CLASS SO BAD WHY DID I CHOOSE TO TAKE HISTORY AND IM IN THE ADVANCED CLASSES TOO 💔 chem isnt that bad but im scared for the unit test but her tests dont seem as hard HELPME I FEEL LIKE IT SHOULD BE HARDER CUZ ITS CHEM BUT THEN AGAIN ITS ALSO LIKE IM HAPPY IT ISNT AS HARD ITS JUST I STILL DONT GET THESE TWO CONCEPTS AND I REALLT NEED TO LOCK IN FOR MY SUBJECTS

how do i even study for history cuz other than stuff like all i know is inflation, the fiat money system, and how my history teacher hates the united states and they can all suck his bald head bc they all suck and “EW AMERICANS!!!” apparently AND I SEE HIM FOR TWO PERIODS TOO HELP 💔 HE LEGIT ENCOURAGEd US TO DROP OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL AND IM LIKE HELLO ARENT U SUPPOSED TO MAKE US CONTINUE SCHOOL URE LITERALLT A TEACHER BUT OKAY.

im lowk tweaking because i reallt dont know how to study for history and my test on friday i feel so unprepared but to be fair I LEGIT HAVENT STARTED STUDYING YET AND I DONT PLAN TO UNTIL TOMORROW .. and i feel like i should start studying for my history test and im like erm maybe tmr ..! SO TECHNICALLY IF I STICK TO THE SCHEDULE I MADE FOR MYSELF IN MY HEAD WHCIH IS FINISH ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS TODAY (impossible) IT GIVES ME ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO STUDY FOR MY TWO TESTS WHICH LEAVES TIME FOR ME TO STUDY FOR MY CHEM TEST IN LIKE ESTIMATED 2-3 WEEKS BUT THEN I KNOW I CANR STICK TO SCHEDULE 💔 if i finish my cooking assignment today somehow then ill be able to do this and i sleep at like 11 pm today bc momi got mad i slept at 12 yesterday HELP. IMSORYR MOM I FELT GROSS I HAD TO SHOWER AT 11 OR ELSE I WOUDLNT BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP

i usuallt shower once i get home from school but yesterday my dinner meal thign project was due so i wa slike ok i have to prioritize this over my own stinky AND I DID FINISH IT MUEHAUYAIEGAPBX NOW I HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN BUT FINISH IT IN LIKE 4 HoursHELP HOW LONG SHOULD THIS EVEN TAKE HE SAID ITS REALLT SIMPLE AND COPY PASTE BUT IM ALSO REALLY SLOW WITH ASSIGNMENTS IN GENERAL .. ☹️i get distracted too easily HELP.

i dotn even have a lock in playlist like i do my liked songs on shuffle and skip wvery songim not innthe mood to listen to i actuallt need to invest in playlists or else i cant do this shuffle liked method anymore ……

illcome baxk if i finish my project early ….. ILL ACTUALLY LOCK IN TODAY TRUST BUT DAILT UQRSTION TIME

would you rather be a gojo plushie or a smiski figure im just starign at them and theyre like right next to each other HELP I HAVE TWO FIGURES FROM THE CHEER SERIES??? IDK EXACTLY BUT THEYRE CUTE I WAS GONNA COLLECT MORE BUT 15 DOLLARS PER SMISKI MYSTERY BOX IS KINDA A SCAM FOR ME 💔

- 🐙

HAII today was okayish for me as well my typing class was kinda fun the teacher wasn't scary today!

YIPPEE!! GOOD JOBB

HELP WHAT ALL OF THAT INN COOKING CLASS??

LMAO i hope you get upset or something.. that sounds mean HELOME IDK IF I SHOULD COMFORT OR NOT

LMAO making posters sounds fun tho.. yet I make legal documents in class🙄🙄

DANG GIRL DO YIU HAVE A LIST YOU CHECK OFF WHEN SIGNING TO CLUBS?

OMG NAGII I'm gonna work on my drafts maybe on friday.. and rin smau.. I got a random rin spark of inspiration when reading these romance mangas..

OH WAIT THAT REMINDED ME THAT I NEEDED TO GIVE YOU AN EDIT IDEA ILK THINK OF ONE

ew I hate history ALSO YOU CAN DROP OUT OF A CLASS? I mean i heard of it but idk.. I'm too caribbean for this HELP

when I used to do chem I was so confused but I somehow passed history on the other hand idk what i did or if I passed or not THATS HOW UNINTERESTED I WAS IN HISTORY BC THEY DONT TEACH US STUFF THAT APPARENTLY EVERYONE SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS LIKE LOCAL STUFF AND IT WAS kinda boring.. SAME WITH WHEN I USED TO DO GEO THEY DIDNT TEACH US STUFF LIKE THE DIFFERENT CONTINENTS N STUFF MY FRIEND THOUGHT EGYPT WAS IN EUROPE I wasn't that bad like him.. BUT THATS MY POINT THEY DONT TEACH US IMPORTANT STUFF HERE so luckily I had business! well I chose business bc I wanna own my nursery or maybe a pre-school I like children and I have patience I think.. everyone thinks I'm crazy heh.. maybe I am..

HELPME THAT TEACHER REMINDS ME OF MY OLD DRAMA TEACHER he saw my gc messages once and HE TOOK OFF WITH MY PHONE

DANG SM MOTIVATION I wish I have that LMAO I asked my momma for help and she said when she used to go to school when she comes home she just go n play games ans she never studied she just had a good memory😂😂😐😒😒😒 I DONT I FORGOT WHAT I DID THIS MORNING I have no motivation hahaha..

YOUR MOM GETS MAD AT YOU? well mine does as well bc since I'm anemic I need 8 hours of rest bur (I don't go to sleep early) so I always get yelled at when I feel lightheaded BUT I TAKE NAPS IN THE AFTERNOON sometimes SO I HAVE A BURST OF ENERGY IN THE NIGHT plus I'm reading so

LMAO I GET DISTRACYED EASILY AS WELL that's why I'm up at 11pm and haven't started my notes bc imON MY PH9JE

ou playlisys are my favorite thing ti make! I have like 20 playlists public bc apparently I learnt my friends use them bc one asked me when I'm gonna update it and I'm like whag ans I have a bunch more in private

i woukd rather a smiski bc i searched it up and it looks cutiepie!

IDK WHAT'S A SMISKI OR WHAT SERIES IR HAVE

[unironicduncanstan]

heres my total drama fandom iceberg lol, some i dont have sources for anymore but i can elaborate if anybody has questions

[skypiea]

hey so would guys fuckin kill me if i told you i kind of love this guy

[tinyorangepotato]

food. who needs it

[hikarikaishi-blog]

Why Caleb did what he did in ep127 – my theory.

This is my theory it can be super wrong, maybe I am right at some points, I just want to put it out there, maybe some of  you will like it. Here we go:

Caleb is my fav character the whole campaign so far and what he did in that episode shocked me, it was so not like him. We did see him when cornered he would go rampage but was he cornered here? So I was shocked.

I was shocked he didnt discuss the problem that might come from this with the M9, they didnt talk about it might be a trap they just went for it. They didnt think twice and that was alarming for me and the second they interacted with the guards it all went south and Caleb ignored Astrids tip of being stealthy to avoid Trent. And in the end he did appear and I was like „that is what you get when you just go full rage and dont think a second about it and Caleb you were the thinker in this campaign why did you do all of that?! Next episode I want an explanation for this or I am out!“

Caleb knew what he was doing all the time, he knew if he would do all of this Trent would show up.

There is no way he did forget that because Astrid told him super clear that Trent isnt there so they should be STEALTHY.  But he didnt. He ignored the warnings and put Astrid in danger with that as well, a soon as Trent sees the maps he knows who helped and Astrid will be punished. He said he cares for her and puts her in this danger! It was all a lie? Astrid deserves so much better than this! Boo Caleb for treating a girl that was obviusly in pain so she cried because of you like that! I was at least a bit happy that Matt clearly said Trent did appear because of the rucus, not because of Astrid. She didnt sent Trent. She didnt do it.

Caleb ignoring Astrid and her advice and destroying the bit of Trust that was building up between them – shatterd. „Caleb thats so stupid why are you that stupid.“

I was all that. I was so disappointed.

I woke up next morning and was still disappointed and a bit angry that Caleb went this route with all the murder. He knew Trent will maybe show up and catch them while stealing his stuff and he did it anyway. It was like Caleb wanted Trent to show up. To show him how much he hates him and to show him what he is capable off. Because Trent knows that now because he sees the display of raw power he might want to get Caleb back under his thumb and make him work for him again. There is no way out of this situation for them, than to bargain with Trent and he imo will let them got when they will do him a favor later. Caleb must have known that and still did this.

He is just playing into Trents hand where everyone wanted him to escape from. Because Trent is so bad.

And I was: Wait a minute.

Let that sink in for a secong.

He is playing …

playing Trents game. Do you get where I am going with this?

What if all of this, the killing and blood everywhere, is an act made up by Caleb? What if he is playing Trents mind game back at him?

He is giving Trent a view on him like Trents want to think of Caleb: Powerful, full of hate against the Volstruker and Trents experiments, full on revenge and wants to kill him, Trent, but also is no match for him with getting so easily caught in the middle of his home. He has power but he isnt clever enough. What if Caleb wanted to get caught by Trent? Pretend he is not clever so Trent thinks he isnt clever and can be a puppet for him again?

While  pretendign being a puppet again, Caleb can get closer to him/the Assembly to learn more about him and his connections in the Assembly. To learn how to root out all the corruption in the assembly wich is his main goal this whole campaign! He wanted to learn about all that from Ves, we know that, but that didnt work out so he has to do it another way and now he doing it on his own.

He knows, he can not fight the Assembly heads up. He knows he has to get inside first and root out evil from within. He has to earn some trust to get the info he wants to have. He cannot trust anyone so he goes on his own and wants to plays Trents game and maybe be better this time and beat Trent. What better way to beat someone than in his own game right?

And do you remember who talked about beating someone at their own game? Do you? It was Astrid during the dance scene. She said „...either we walk into their trap or beat them in their own game.“

In that scene i thougt she was talking about the TT because she touched his spots with the red eyes a second before and it bothered me that she said „we“. Was she planning on going with them to Eiselcross? That wont happen anyway (she would need trents permission/it would be to obvious and Trent would not let them go so they can come up with a plan to kill him) this is stupid. So now I get she was talking about „we either beat Trent and whomever we are fighting here or we walk into their trap.“

So what I proclaim is: Astrid and Caleb in general know they are dancing the „can-i-trust-you-tango“ but they know they have one common enemy: Trent.

So they were discussing during the dance without saying it, if they want to work together in bringing him down. Caleb wasnt sure if he wants/can work on the „Trent-problem“. He has more importand stuff to do right now and he doesnt want to face all that stuff from the past that will come up during this working against Trent.

He cares for Astrid as he said. He isnt against helping her but maybe not right now.

What made him change his mind was Astrid crying in a spot where nobody would have seen her crying all on her own. He knows her, he know how much is to interpret in her crying. I think she is rarely crying. She has doen the same training as Caleb did, she is used to be cruel and to murder and be a bad human. But she wont cry because of that. She said so herself in their first meeting. Her crying is super special and Caleb gets that. And because he cares so much for her, maybe you can relate when you know a person you care for is crying in the mud. You want to help so they dont cry anymore. That is why he decides he wants to help her,/wants to start working on the problem now and not later. He knows she is using him, but he is using her as well. He doesnt care. He wants to help, to help her, help his country. He made this decision over night and Astrid gave him the time to think about it, but she needed a signal from Caleb. Ans anwer to her question if he wants to do this now or not. She said „I will see what I can do for you“ aka says „i want to work on this now, how about you?“

He sent a red firey bloody signal back. A signal as bright as the fire Warning beacons of Gondor

in „The return of the kings“ when Gondor sent signal to Rohan asking for help. The fun part is nobody gets it beside Matt and that is exactly the kidn of pranks the people on the table like to play. Remember Sam/Scanlan? I do. it was stuff he planned for weeks and nobody was expecting it and it was a big suprise for everyone.)

He could have been stealthy and just get the stuff he wanted during the heist. It would have send the signal to Astrid „thanks for the help, I cant work on this now. Maybe later. See you“.

But Caleb did not do that. He send a signal like: „I am full in, I want to play this game, starting it right now and either we win this game or loose and run into his trap. Lets do it.“

Its amazing how they comunicate without saying a single word about it.

The three different papers you ask? For me its the answer to his „for the love that we three shared I need to ask a favor“. She answeres with the box „Here is what i can do for you and yeah we three are in this together“ the paper are symbols for the three of them. The three people from Blumenthal. Its brialliant.

Why she is thankful in the message: Because he comes back and contacts her. He is her only hope.

Why she is sorry the day after: Because she thinks she is guilty to drag him into this. She knows this will be hard for him and will cause a lot of pain. That is why she says she is sorry.

(Is she for real? We dont know. They are still dancing the „can-i-trust-you-tango“)

They are playing Trents game of saying the truth and show whats obvious. Matt and Liam are playing this game so good they fool the other players and me and other fans. Its brilliant.

To let everyone think its a Trap set up by Astrid? - Its fine because people will focus on her (and its legit because she is shady and in this game as well) while Caleb is the one whom they should be worried about.

Let everyone think he does all the stuff he did here because of the Drama, Trauma and the pain etc – Yes it is exactly that to a percentage and that is the truth he is showing here, but underneath that is the other truth that he just wants to get closer to Trent. Caleb knows how he has to behave to get what he wants. He does it all the time because he learnid it from Trent! (remember the scene he wanted to work Essek as he needed him to work in that moment on the ship, because Caleb wanted the peace talk to happen? Because Caleb didnt want Essek to run away but to stay and get done what he Caleb wants?) He does not like those methods but he has to use them to get what he wants.

This is a brilliant plan from Caleb and Astrid and you know, they worked together before. They know each other so well when it comes to work (and probably more). They were a team for a long time and its like: watching a movie where old action heroes that worked together for a time suddenly have to work again. They just work together like they always did. Its like one comes visit the other one after 10 years of both of them living their lives, and they just look at each other and the person stands up goes to a shelf, gets his old gun out that was hidden there all the time and only asks: how is the weather? And the other says „its clear blue sky“ and they dotn talk anymore and just to their thing like in old times and know exactly what to do. Caleb and Astrid are Assassins in this but you know the dynamic is there.

Another way to put it:

With the dinner invitation trent put up a chess board. And invited Caleb to play. Caleb doesnt answer. Astrid asks him at the door in private: „you said you want to play this game last time you visited me. Do you still want to play? „He says „yes“ and she answers „race you to the top“ wich was clever. It seemed like she wanted to play the game herself, and that is again one half of the  truth here: she wants to play this game, but not on her own because she knows she cannot win this alone. She needs help and playful/tricky invites Caleb to play this together against Trent. Like she would say: „I want to play the game and I would want to know who is more clever/better here, you or me“. This is the dynamic I think they had as teens: always challenge each other who is more clever and gets the solution to a riddle first etc. but always playful never hating and i think that is how they connected in the beginning and fell in love at some point. We will see that maybe in the comic in summer.

During the dance she said: „You have to decide soon if you want to play this chessgame because Trent is a bit distracted anyway right now. Also time is of the essence. You have eyes on your back?“ this mental chessgame wont be a game that will finish soon, or in 2-5 episodes. It might go on for half a year because its a chess game where you have to think a lot and think a lot up in front. With the „i will help you with the necklaces“ she holds out the first pawn to Caleb, and with his rampage he takes it and sets it on the board and the game is on.

And its all covered up in half truth and some scheming but never blunt lies because that would be to easy to find out and could be the end of the game.

So Astrid and Caleb are workign together against Trent while behaving like nothing happend. She does her stuff, he does his.

They will meet sometimes because they both have the working connetction to Trent and who knows how this will end? Trent I think is aware that the game is on and I think he will play (move his figures in the next episode. With the maybe task they have to do for him so he lets them go.)

He set the board on the table in the first place.

Tldr:

Caleb wanted to face Trent. He was aware of what he did, he knew their actions did lead to Trent appearing. He wanted to seem to be the scholar that breaks into his old teachers house to get stuff so he can get closer to Trent again, to gather information from inside the assembly so he can take the system down from inside. Astrid might have gibt him the idea, and maybe there is some planing going on between Astrid and Caleb that we can’t see.

[hellhouns]

i feel like,  crying n i never stop feelin liek this i always feel sick and in pain and its not gonna sto pn it hurts osm uch and idk i jsu cant do it ,  i cant do anything like the closest i can begin to describe the pain and pure saddness i feel is just suc ha strong feeling of this song > ??

idk  ,. its dumb m dumb  i cant wait to die im useless especially during summer because theres nothign , to do and im spending my days half sleeping and half being sad legit , im nto doing much else 

ive had this constant pain in my chest because im so fuckignf sad and it hurts so much it always hurts and m so , as geniuen as can be, im so fuckign exhausted, im sos sad , im so tired of being this way n im too impossible to change so  , ykno , . the other way , 

it  ,, dosnnt stop , never, ever and it hurts forver  ive been crying so muhc like, the past two days adn  it just hurts , im too burnt out from everything but my brain jus cant get anything out so im functioning on negative amoints of energy and it just , sucks

i cant keep doing this , i told myself This Is It, im scared, i dont know waht to do and im ognna fuckign lose it if i keep going i jsut , uguhgh 

i feel like m jus the biggest burden on my friends n no matter waht im always gonna feel that way, nothign changese with me, im awful and im a paradox and nothgin makes sesne to me or matters about me and nothgins , everything isn othing and it all sucks and im all alone , im not ok m never gonna be ok n i cant do it much longer, i truly. fucking . cannot 

when i say im sad i literally mean, it aches, it burns, it sucks and its forever.  im a bad perosn . im a bad influence. im a bad friend . i dotn deserve the goodness my friends do for me, i dont deserve anythgin i can t do it  anymore mm hurting too much

its only been getting worse by the day . its gradual and its only going to continue to be shit . i ju,s , please, for the loveo f fucking god or whatever you believe in , i jsut want people to understand me , for once, just understand where im coming from, why im so deadset on Doing That, why im the pessimist extreme, how completely tired i am 

im trying . ive been trying . please , dont , jjdfg i jsut cant handle ths i anymore ,  m losing too much i feel like my organs are failing slowlu

i can never stop thinking abotu everything peopel say to me, aboit doing that, about me, about my feelings, n its all , bad. i cant find the good in anything , when i say i wis h i was dead i rlly, mean it , it sucks and i hate it and i want to die always , like This is waht i get fr trying so why dont i just stop , 

theres too much in my head for me to say it all , but im jus gonna explode ykno ?? 

i jus want to not be here with all my heart i cant think of anything else it all sucks, idk what to do w myself, i jus Feel it so much in my chst in my throat in my legs and wrists and fingertips and it hurts it hurt s it hurts it hurts it hurts, 

im lost

im losing everything i could possibly lose

[poetic-beats]

UPDATE

I was denied even a referral to crisis care last night ...at 2am today I broke down...was on the verge of suicide and i had no where to go...My mum had followed all the steps...asked all the people she could for help...

I had one last hope i called NHS 111

i broke down because my mum was lectured by one professional DONT GO WASTING A&E’s resources bcos they kept getting told im not in crisis enoguh to get referal to a crisis team...

legit the scenario was i was a suicide risk and my mum said im at risk of overdose but apparently its not a crisis because i hadnt phoned my mum and told her exactly what meds i would use and exactly how i had planned it out

even thoug im manic and impulsive due to BPD and BIPOLAR and that hey suicidwal people about to attempt suicide dont generally tell loved ones their gonna do it and if they do out of sheer desparation for help to stop them doing ti as we feel out of control we dont sit and tell our parents hey im gonna overdose and then say i plan to take 10 of this and 20 of that which apparently is what i needed to have told ym mum to get a referral to the crisis team. who i saw not even 3 weeks ago.

SO tongiht i have another major breakdown and the lovely lady at the NHS 111 call place had major experience in dealing specifically iwht people with BOTH my conditions. comorbid. 

SHe completely understood seemed compeltely confused how i could be denied care and she said categorically i was not wasting A&Es time and that i MUST go there immeediately because she was concerned about how manic i sounded on the phone and my state of mind andsafety and i just broke down but ive been told im not sick enoug to go anywhere for care no one will take me because until i attempt suicide for the 4th time im not a crisis worth caring for.

And i went to the A&E and saw the lovely lady who btw they only recently employed an on site mental health worker...before they would have to come from LONDON so it would not be some where to go really.

But thank god they now have an on call MH professional becuase if not last night i would have had no one to go to And i wouldnt be here.

or I wouldve overdosed for sure and stilll be in hospital now because last time i overdosed my BP dropped it wasnt serious but the machine made a noise and they just put some special IV and drugs in me and i was fine.

But the point is...thats what would have happened again if i hadnt gotten to see this amazing lady at the A&E and spoken to the amazing woman at the NHS 111 emergency help line.

Now i have beenreferred to the crisis team for 4-6 weeks care whihc basically gives us time to make a case a compplaint whatever we need so that i can get seen by a completely different psychiatric unit thats not under meadow lodge or that manager who runs meadow lodge.

Because ive seen both psychiatrists at meadow lodge who are htere since my old psych who ran meadow lodge retired late last year and the manager there just they have treated me and i have evidence of them treating two other patients who were transferred to the female psych i had who caused all this from my old psychs care who one ended up hospitalised and cended up in crisis team care and he refused to go back to meadow lodge another i just saw an NHS cokmplaint on their site and review about meadow lodge who had the exact same issues as me and the guy my dad just sort of by hcance found out had the same psych as me he also has bipolar nad was also transferred to this other psych at the lodge when our psych rreitred,. 

THe lady i saw seemed baffled at how one she kept saying what about the CMHT or care plan i kept saying ive been told they dotn have one or that im sinply not sick enough to access it.  She couldnt get her head round that.

She also seemed well my dad seemed to notice i was in crisis so not as paying attention btu she seemed to not like the way i was told im not sick enogh to get treatment and basically i’d have to hurt myself so bad it couldnt easily be stitched or overdose before i could access her care or therapy or anything basically.

So that i think is why shes referrign me to the crisis team for the max amount of time 4-6 weeks so we can sort out alternative care some how whether or not i have to take it to PALS for me to get treatment else where who knows either way at some poitn I WILL go to PALS about this treatment because if 3 people i know of had this negligence and me and the othe guy got so badly treated we eneded up in hospital this is a pattern of mistreatment by that psych and meadow lodge and therefore i am not taking it lying down and i want them punsihed BUT more importantly i want others to neevr go throug how i was treaated who might not have the suport network or knowledge and know how to navigate and get treeatment outside of the lodges care etc.

but right now my focus is on sorting myself out and just getting myself under a new psychiatric lodge ASAP however i can go about that.

[imraespace]

HELLOHIHIHIIRIHI dailt checkin but ‼️i yapped very hard again …‼️

i realize how long its gonna acc take to do my hair bc i have to bleach my hair and then color and then get home and then such and such and i have a poster to make for graphic designer UUGUGGHHH AM I GONAN FINISH THIS TODAY I JOPE I DO BC I HAVE HISTORY HOMEWORK TO DO 💔💔

shes like about to bleach my hair rn and like ugh im lowk so pissed bc idk how well i can actually clutch up on this poster esp bc i know i probably dont wven have a chance ☹️☹️ whatever i guess idk …

TODAYINSHCOOL WE WENT TO… church STOP we walked for like 20 mins to the church and then mass and then 20 mins back to school just in time for second period i wanted to miss a little bit of p2 but its okay bc at least i got my steps in fr

in the middle of second period i just started scrolling on my phone and i found bllk figures AND I WANTED TO PAY FOR IT LIKE IMMEDIATELY SO I WAS TEXTING MY MOM BEING LIKE “MOTHER MOMAY MOMMY MAMA CAN I BUY PLS” AND SHE WAS LIKE ok go buy do u have ur card?? and iwas like .. no..! BUT THERES APPLE PAY!! and when i clicked apple pay it legit switched my currency to damn euros??? HELLO?? it was like 10.55?? in cad and then it was 7.01 in euros and its around the same but it said the euros was = 10.72 cad like hello why did u add more cents.. LIKE OKAY ITS CENTS IT DOESNT MATTER BUT STILL MONEY IS MONEY MY MOM DIDNT JUST WORK FOR 8 HOURS FOR ME TO ADD MORE CENTS TO MY PURCHASE 👿 so i havent bought it yet i was planning to buy it once i got home but i ended up getting distracted and eating cereal it was delicious but i finished up all my milk so i kinda want more

FOR MY COOKING CLASS I MADE COOKIE BATTER 😈😈 i ended ip eating the cookie dough and uh lets just say i hipe i dotn get salmonella with the amount of cookie dough i ate … LIKE I SWEAR I ATE MORE COOKIE DOUGH THAN ANYONE ELSE IN MY CLASS HELP LIKE OOPS I GOT A LIL HUNGRY THERE GUYS..

umumum my old friends made this science club and its kinda run by the guy that i used to like (the one that forced me to confess but ill legit just call him lead while telling stories ab him now so #newsidecharacter!! HELP ME) and like im honestly surprised they made a club but also im just like tf is a science club.. like im a chem person so thats why im like omg science club but also omg science club 🤢🤮 BECAUSE WHAT I THOUGHT CLUBS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MORE FUN UGGGHHHH whatever im not joining even if during the summer he legit wanted me join so im surprised he hasnt said anything to me but then again im the one who stopped talking to him i cant really expect much and i lowk hope he #stays seven feet away from me #covid #lockdown because i dont want his goofy ahh haircut near me i see him in my fourth period always staring at me …. maybe its a coincidence and hes actually looking at his friend who sits beside me and i swear theyre like #inlove #slowburn #enemiestolovers bc WHY DO THEY GIGGLE AROUND EACH OTHER SM AND THEYRE ALWAYS NEAR EACH OTHER AND U COULD SEE IN THEIR EYES THEYRE LIKE 🤞🤞🤞 YKWIM. but then again thats what everyone said to me about him bc everyone thought he liked me bc of how he looked at me + how he talked to me bc it was “softer” but no he saw me as his best friend who he will get along with for the rest of highschool…!!!!! (he is NOT getting that wish he did me so dirty) like listen i get it i was really close to you and if you just let me confess to you ON MY OWN DECISION then maybe i wouldve still been talking to you and maybe if he also just had more of a personality other than school and his damn guitars like ho no one cares shut up about your damn guitar collection i dont see u caring about my manga and stuffed animal collection..

OHYEAH THAT REMINDS ME LAST YEAR WHILE I WAS HANGING OUT AFTERSCHOOL W HIM CUZ HE WAS WAITING FOR HIS DAD TO COME PICK HIM UP (i stayed afterschool just so he wasnt alone btw i had no reason to be waiting bc my parents cannot pick me up i take THE DAMN BUS) and he randomly blurted out “i dont really like anime…” like bro what do you think i care if you dont??? I REALLT DIDNT UNTIL HE SAID THAT CUZ WHY WOULD YOU RANDOMLY SAY YOU DONT LIKE ANIME LIKE OKAY AM I SUPPOSED TO CARE ????? I STILL THINK ABOUT IT TO THIS DAY BC IT WAS SO RANDOM WE WERE LEGIT TALKING ABOUT ARCTIC MONKEYS AND RELIGION PROJECTS?? like imagine being like “yes so i love arctic monkeys and that one song called-“ “I Hate Anime.” HELP?? LIKE WAS IT WVER THAT DEEP LIKE MAYBE BC I LIKE ANIME A LOT THEN THAYS WHY HE SAID IT LIKE IT WASNA CRIME TO NOT LIKE ANIME but then agajn who am i to judge what someone dislikes

ohyes on the topic of him and how i said id be calling him lead i wanna say the lore of the actual code name HELP i sure damn hope no one from my school/friends know your blog or use tumblr or else theyll probably know who i am but im gonna bet on the fact that they think tumblr is grindr and they dont know anyone here

his code name is (or was??? bc i kinda just refer to his actual name irl) pb which is obv the symbol for lead/plumbum BUT IT TURNED INTO PB BC ID CALL HIM POOKIE BEAR HELP i cant even look at pookie bear the name because of that or pb anymore… like i kinda ruined the element for myself bc plumbum is such a funny name and then i just remember his goofy face ….. LIKE LEGIT WE HAD A LESSON ON SOME RANDOM ELEMENTS AND MY TEACHER WENT ON A WHOLE RANT ABOUT LEAD LIKE HELLO PLEASE STOP I AM HALLUCINATING HIS FACE ATP (okay bachira..) BUT NOW IM SCared for all the future crushes ill get in the future bc what if i end up ruining THE ENIRE PERIODIC TABLE FOR MYSELF LIKE OBVIOUSLY I WONT GET THAT MANY CRUSHES BUT LIKE YOU GET WHAT I MEAN. i mean i already hate chem at this point im fighting my teacher over naming systems and how i legit barely get it because theres so many things to memorize UGH

OKAY DAILT AUESITON TIME BC I JUST YAPPED MY HEART OUT STOP

umumumum which bllk character would have a s/o and make petnames for them but it would be the most cringe code names ever like ummmmm my wittle smoochie smoochie poopoo bear my little pumpkin pie seasoning the toilet to my toilet paper type of thing HELPME

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HAII OMGOODNESS THIS IS SO LONG HELPME IM SORRY I DIDNT READ IR YESTERDAY I fell asleep as soon as I got home then spent the night revising for my spanish test which I'm scared for..

SO MUCH YOU HAVE TO DO DANG GIRL DO YOU EVER GET A BREAK? HISTORY?? I hate history

HELP I REMEMBERED WHEN I USED TO GO TO CHURCH IN PRIMARU SCHOOL it was a roman catholic school and the church was literally across the road BUT IN THE CITY THERES ALWAYS LIKE HOMELESS PPL SO EVERYTIME WE CROSSED TO GO OVER TO THE CHURCH THEY ALWAYS STARED AT US now my high school isn't roman catholic it's not even religious.. we do pray tho but not like my old school but I have my rosary in my bag all the time aha!

20 minute walk dang😨 I'm sure jesus is delighted to see yall attend mass HELP

IM GIGGLING they just wanna be extra with the cents!! money grabbers fr...

OMG COOKIES I WANNA MAKE COOKIES I've never before the most I ever made is oreo cheesecake but not the baking kind it was the chilled one

PMAO when I was younger I used to just eat dough idk why.. like when my mommy was making pizza or sada(it's a flat bread I believe its an indian dish but it's common here and it yummy its like a side dish)

omg a science club sounds fun honestly but I don't do science! I say take over the club and become the owner you're better than those side characters

HELP THE HASHTAGS #6ftaway #covidcore ig he stares at you again I'll call my pigeons to pick his eyes out

HELP INLOVE

omg he friend zone you.. I did that once HELP but🤫🤫

HELPME IM GIGFLING he's an oddball fr.. that's like me remaining a random joke that happened 3 weeks ago and start laughing in the middle of a conversation

POOKIE.. BEAR..😨 I saw pb ans thought if peanutbutter help BUT POOKIE BEAR GIRL

HELP bachira core fr...

LMAO THATS WHY I DIDNT GIVE MY CRUSH A CODE NAME my friends just said "mara look your bae!" and I'm LIKE SHADAUP? he's ugly tho idk what I saw I think it was the Christmas spirit that blinded me that year

I LOVE THE YAPPING EVEN THO MY RESPONSES ARE SO SHORT HELP

HELPMEE THE NICKNAMES THE RIGHT THING TO SAY IS SHIDOU I WANNA BE DIFFERENT AND SAY ARYU IDK WHY