#I KNOW I SAID I WANTED TO BECOME THE BESTEST STRONGEST SMARTEST VERSION OF MYSELF BUT NOT LIKE THIS

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Alright y’all, I’ve got a new traumatic update for my lovely dear hearts who are committed to the tragic Shakespearean play that is my chaotic life <3

So, as some of you may know, I was recently offered an amazing job in Middle-earth New Zealand, in a beautifully scenic region (‘Tis around Lake-town/Erebor for all those who must know), where I’m literally getting paid to work with the stars in an Archaeoastronomy role — AKA my dream gig since I was a baby pre-teen obtaining my galactic fixation after watching Guardians of the Galaxy in 2014.

Great! Awesome! This will be a grand adventure! Somewhere I belong! Middle-earth! Hasta la vista to all those hunting me down and attempting to make my life miserable! Adios! Sayonara! There’s even a university nearby that offers my dream course!

Ecstatic, I start rummaging through my trunk to find my passport, as all I’ve got to do is take it to the post office to get my legal name on it updated and…

Wait a minute…

Shit.

Fuck.

Guess who left their motherfucking passport at their fucking mother’s house, 4,000 miles away in a place I’m literally exiled from?

That’s right. Me. I need to move overseas but have no passport.

No big deal, I’ll go get another one.

Big deal.

Despite being TWENTY FUCKING YEARS OLD, I still need my parents to help me get a new passport, as well as a driver’s license, which is currently, uh…✨suspended✨ thanks to me taking “pedal to the metal” too literally upon fleeing my state.

So. I’m trapped. Stuck on an island, and my home state’s borders just opened which means you know who can come here at any damn time.

I can’t legally drive until July again, and I need my license to help get a new passport, but then I also need someone who’s known me for at least a year to sign it as a guarantor, and I have no contact with anyone I’ve ever known for safety reasons.

Middle-earth is slipping through my fingers like sand, and I’m trying to rack my brain for alternatives, but it looks like I’m gonna be a slave to this railway for a good long while yet :)

The bard is down, folks, I repeat: the bard is down.

Me, @ the universe and all this shitty character development they��re giving me:

Anyone wanna see a chronological list of all the shit that’s happened in the last 6 months alone?