#I HAVE A STORY FOR YALL HOOO BOY

[isalisewrites]

A ramble on writing where April broke my heart

Hooo boi.

March was a dream in comparison to April.

Emergency gallbladder surgery? Someone faking their death in my server? Good times. I wanna go back.

I have been through much in three short months. April has shown that it's taken a toll. I have missed many more days of writing. I'm still missing them in May. But I'm slowly gripping onto the last vestiges of my raw determination, all while in the face of so much.

I had a falling out with my closest family member that shook me to the core of my heart. I barely slept for most of the month again. Gallbladder surgery has proven to have some complications on my nervous system, making normal daily life difficult where it's hard to sit or lie down without experiencing full body numbness and tingling in various areas, including my hands and fingers. (No, not blood clots. 100% without a doubt it's my nerves.)

If you've followed me here (post one and two) and have read my author's on Terrible, But Great Chapter 30, then you know what went down with my family member. It took so much of my time and energy. I wrote well over 8,000 words trying to reason with this family member, only for all of it to be scorned and mocked. A part of me feels like that energy was wasted. I could have 8,000 more words in TBG, but I don't. This is all I have.

A part of me looks at it and says, "Give it back. Give me back my writing." What happened to January? Or even February? What happened to the girl who could wake up at 4am in the morning, an hour before she had to leave for her hysteroscopy, to power write 700 words?

Some days, I go up the stairs and I'm winded like I ran a marathon.

Some days, if I walk on the treadmill for more than 6 to 10 minutes, I feel like I'm dying.

It's been an uphill battle. The struggle is real, but so am I.

In the last week of December of 2023, when I realized how long it would take me to finish Terrible, But Great, I was overcome with what I call 'The Stirring.' I don't know what else to call it, but it always has an air of mystery and premonition for what it is to come. I thought at that time, "If I had limited time to live, what do I want to do?"

"I want to write."

So, I did.

In 2023, I published a total of 43,000 words in TBG. In 2024, from January to April, I've written 110,604 words and have published 35,000 words thus far. The year isn't even halfway over and I've done better this year than I have last year.

In spite of it all, I'm doing pretty damn good.

There's still hope. I'm not giving up. It might feel like morale is low, but it's not. I'm going to keep going as much as I can through all the hardships because writing is truly the one thing that breathes life into me.

By the end of April, I finished my business class with an essay about how the class shifted my beliefs. This class in combination with all of my health issues and social conflicts sparked an overwhelming revelation and a new rising determination within my soul.

You see, you all have witnessed my love and passion for writing Terrible, But Great, a Harry Potter fanfiction, but I also have original stories that I've wanted to write. Yet, I haven't been able to finish them because I'm always thinking about the market in the real world, instead of what I want and what the story wants. Fanfiction, I can do whatever the hell I want and yall are just gonna have to strap in and hold onto dear life cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Original novels, however, are done differently and I've often struggled due to so many factors.

I have ADHD. I am autistic. I have health issues which are rapidly piling up on top of each other. My career choice might not even be feasible for me in the long run, so why I am allowing myself to be pressured into doing more than I can handle with a class load?

I want to write. I want to write. I want to create.

Oh, how I want to create.

So, I will.

Two years ago, I gave up on my dream of writing original novels and earning a living through them. I've since repented of that notion. As I continue write Terrible, But Great, I'm also going to be working on my original novels on the side. Someday, perhaps, I'll be able to earn a living as a published author.

That's my realistic ideal.

I wrote 457 words today, May 9th. That's good enough. The goal this month is to write more than April. I can do that. On the days where prose is hard, I simply write my scene idea in a zero draft style. I don't worry about the prose; I'll fix it later. Every word counts. Every word can be changed. Every word can be made better.

Every word is good enough.

Until next month.

[gawainism]

hehe im gay

[souloben]

💌✨💕💋🐝

thank u, liz!

����-  diary or journal? - honestly, i was convinced they’re the same thing, but i guess journal? i have a long and exhausting history of me trying to be a cute n quirky kid and write down my emotional passages in a neon colored notebook that cost £1 - and failing to keep up with them miserably. still love the concept though! kudos to yall that continuously write in them

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?; i probably wouldn’t have been able to answer this question until i watched aos, since it’s really rare, if at all, that i see a fictional character and go “oh my god, that’s me”, but when i did start it i quickly realized that i am actually leo fitz? in fact, it’s almost unnerving? to cut a long, long story short (which would be a whole essay length answer) any emotional situation or reaction he has, i’ve either had myself or would have. if you made a list of all of fitz’s flaws and where he shoots himself in the metaphorical foot, it would match mine entirely. i recognize all of his different patterns and behaviors because i do them myself, and it was only talking about it w my friend that made me realize that i have most, if not all of his personality traits too. it’s weird, and watching aos the whole way through felt like my own dirty laundry being aired when i related to every move fitz made - so essentially i think fitz is a scottish, more attractive, science genius male version of me. it’s a lot  

💕 - are you crushing on someone? - *hooo*, yet another question that makes my lil hopeless romantic heart go !!! - but actually, not really? unless u count being in love with thomas brodie-sangster and leopold fitz? but that’s an ongoing thing.. where i live sadly does not have any people that are ‘alice crush material’. not that i’ve discovered, anyway. (if we’re not counting the brown eyed brunette boy who’s dog circled around me and who smiled at me as he descended down the street in a van.. as u can tell, i’m dramatic)

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain? - as a diehard hopeless romantic this question reallys gets me goin - kissing in the rain

🐰- do you believe in soul mates? - *clears throat loudly* ahem - this will be a long one. i, of course, believe that some people are naturally going to have a stronger connection to each other than others, and some friends/lovers just have that special thing, but i’m not sure if i fully believe in the concept of the ‘one soulmate’ thing, because that would imply that there’s only one person and one love out there in your life. i don’t think that’s true. love fades, relationships get rocky, die down, start up, end mutually, etc. many people experience many different types of ‘love’ and connections, and neither one could ever make the other insignificant. people change, and i don’t really think that there’s one person that’s just.. designed to stay with you forever. i think that can definitely happen with a lot of time and work, (i say as a single person, sighing wistfully) but i don’t think it’s that one soulmate thing. that being said, i ain’t gonna completely trash the idea of soulmates because it’s certainly a beautiful thing to think that there are people out there who just.. have a deeper soul connection. and it’s almost a destiny thing? so, who knows. i just love love u know

sweet n pure asks

[smosh-stuff]

AGGH OK I was the gts au person and WOW • idk boze & Damien initiation/how’d they get involved because I NEED MORE INFO - did they join later etc • if they are rookies, what’d they do to impress the rest enough to get into it?? • boze being completely kick-butt in general • the FAMILIES THE FAMILIES WHAT’S UP WITH THE FAMILIES - is it “we’re your family now” or do they still talk to blood relatives etc etc also, is the squad involved or no?? ik it’s a games thing but are they at all involved?

HOOO BOY YOU JUST OPENED THE FLOOD GATES BUD,

Okay so. Damien. He’s one of Shayne’s old friends and contacts. When Lcorn and Sohinki leave to form their new gang, the crew needs extra hands on a mission. Shayne calls him in, and he makes a good impression on the crew. After a few jobs with him, they decide that he’s the kind of person they want around, so they invite him in.

Boze is a big name merc they also took in for a job. Thing is after the job, she shows up at the penthouse and just…. doesn’t leave. Except they don’t realize that until she’s already been there for like. A week. And they kind of Know that she does not plan on leaving, and honestly she’s useful in the work and actually a pretty good cook so they just. Let her in

Initiation, I’m thinking they design a heist- except Damien and Boze are the Only people allowed to take part in it. They have to steal a specific item from a museum and get it to a rendezvous point by a certain time. Except the crew also hires some smaller gang to try to stop them, as a surprise obstacle. Long story short, it’s a complete mess, but they do it.

Boze is ABSOLUTELY kick ass. She fights with bats and brass knuckles. She knows a lot of forms of hand to hand combat, and can knock a bitch out in a minute flat. She’s been known for curb stomping people’s heads in with her big-ass platforms fairly often.

The crew is generally a “we’re your family now” situation, but obviously, they’ve all had families in the past

Joven’s mom is very aware of what he does. His family is from a line of criminals. His dad was put out of the picture a while back, but his mom is still around. She’s the one who taught him how to shoot a gun- who else would put up with eyesight like his?

Mari was intended to be the heir to a very renowned Yakuza clan back in Japan, which her parents run together. But she didn’t want to carry on the family name and run a business- she wanted something more hands on, and definitely a lot more freedom. So she ran away to blow shit up in the good ol USA, where she meets Ian and Anthony.

Wes’ parents were killed when he was young, and the syndicate that had them killed basically kidnapped him. He was raised to be a perfect assassin, but escaped in his late teens/early twenties after slaughtering most of the gang.

Boze was an orphan and grew up in the streets of Los Santos. She learned young how to fight to survive, and trained herself to use that in chasing a better life. She worked her way up to being one of the best mercs in Los Santos, most skilled in melee from her childhood.

Damien had a pretty normal life in Liberty city, in the suburbs. Except his family is like, hardcore religious and kind of (very) abusive and he hates it. Shayne was one of his close friends, and they started dabbling in illegal stuff together as a sort of rebellion. Eventually, they just up and ran away together, to a place they knew their talents could be used; Los Santos. 

Yes, the squad is involved! This is my idea for the universe;

The Smosh Gang is lead by Ian Hecox (originally co-owned by Anthony Padilla until… the incident). He and the squad control the business elements and more high-end work. Meanwhile, the other half of the gang, the Smosh Crew, are kind of like the ground team. They keep other gangs in line, fight wars, do heists- basically, most of the dirty work.

Also, I figured I should add; in present time, Sohinki and Lasercorn have separated from the gang. They went off to form their own gang on the other end of the city, with Pam and Amie. The two like to play rivals, but they’re actually good allies and help each other out once in a while. (Pam and Ian are still together in my hc, but yall can do w/e you want with that)

[edalynn]

i want yall to know my aunt just fucking. hooo boy. said its the immigrants faults for getting their children taking away, that she doesnt care and we shouldnt care bc its not her family and her family is “rich, white, and republican” (we are not rich, we are not republican, only she and my uncle are republican i think), saying trump is right and great, just that we shouldnt care abt whats going on and that she doesnt care bc it doesnt involve her and its not her or her family. also went on to say i cant get a job bc of “”mexicans taking our jobs”” like its not the managers faults for who they hire and refusing to hire me bc i dont have enough experience like those are two completely separate issues, dont combine them to make urself feel better and in the right. even my hag bitch grandma that doesnt care abt my animals lives half the time said “god amber, youre so compassionate” bc she couldnt fucking believe what her own daughter was saying and how she shut down my grandma when she brought up the children being separated from their parents and how wrong it is with “theres more to the story than the news tells you, they only tell you what liberals want u to hear” and im ??? then hOW DO U KNOW BITCH?? UR IN THE SAME BOAT AS US AND HEAR THE SAME FUCKING SHIT WE HEAR. UR LIT JUST ASSUMING THEYRE LYING SO U CAN FEEL BETTER ABT BEING AN UNCARING MOTHERFUCKER

[neeks-03]

HOOO BOY have i got a story to tell yall! After finishing the first arc, i changed class to ninja as a break from story and try new stuff.

I was doing Leves and there was a jellyfish invasion. I was the only one there; alongside my chocobo, Birb. We fought tooth, beak, nail, and talon against endless onslaught of the invading sea creatures. My health was getting dangerously low while the enemies kept coming. Birb was about to die but he leveled up in time to fully heal. He tried his best to heal me but there were too many jellyfish. Many players passed by seeing my struggle but decided not to help. I saw my health plummet down in chunks from 100 to 60, 35, 15hp left. If i went down, i made sure it was while fighting. Then "LEVEL UP" my health is fully restored also my vigor to keep fighting! A friendly black mage came to help me fight back the scourge of the sea and we finally won

[thefudge]

Can you rate some of my otps? Ron/Draco, Jon/Sansa, Andy/April, Dan/Blair, Zuko/Katara, Eleanor/Chidi, Jake/Rosa, Ned/Cersei, Gambit/Rogue, Steve/Bucky, Eros/Psyche?

haha sure

ron/draco - ooh, very nice. i’d honestly prefer this to drarry cuz there’s more pent-up resentment about what it means to be pureblood. 7/10 

jon/sansa - eh, the thing is, i do think this pairing could’ve been very interesting in the hands of someone other than d&d. but GoT has sort of tainted them for me. i don’t like the way either character is handled, separately or together. but george might convince me if he makes them a thing in the books. i think there’s potential, but for now, 4.5/10 

andy/april - cuties! they’re a lovely little dysfunctional family. i have to say, april getting pregnant in the end was a big cop-out but if anyone can make child-rearing terrifying, it’s those two. so i guess 7/10 (i’m not giving them more points because my true april OTP is ben/april and i can’t be disloyal. yall know me)

dan/blair - U HAVE GREAT TASTE. 10/10

zuko/katara - oooooh man, this is one of the greats! and the build-up, the progression just !!! 10/10 

eleanor/chidi - LORD. the yearning!!! the looks!!! if they hadn’t kissed this season idk what i would’ve done. 9/10 (not 10/10 yet because i want chidi to be the one yearning for eleanor next season. that boy needs to show me he loves her)

jake/rosa - definitely something i would watch/read. 8/10

ned/cersei - ooomggg. so true story, but i think i may have read like half of the ned/cersei fics on ao3. idk why i never talk about this ship but i dig it a lot! there’s just something i love about snotty queen B cersei having to be civil to brooding northern lord whom she considers a peasant. just great. 8/10

gambit/rogue - aaaah, so i’m still waiting for a format where i can get into this ship, because i did not much like them in the x-men cartoons. they just felt…off to me for some reason. but i do like the han/leia vibes. 6/10

steve/bucky - hooo boy. i think this is a combination of fandom fatigue and marvel being Cowards but i am so tired of this ship. i wish ppl didnt put up with shameless queerbaiting. and honestly? for all their angsty background (which DOES make for a compelling story), i feel like the movies short shrifted them big time. they were so scared of Gay Danger that they didn’t let these two characters actually express their emotions properly, so  2/10 

eros/psyche - good shit, good shit. not my fave mythological pair but they’re an inspiration for many other ships i ship so, 7/10 

[smengus]

favorite kpop songs of 2017 from a fan who got into kpop the beginning of this year

aye!! 2018 is almost here, and i have been DYING to make a favorite songs/mvs in kpop of this year thing. it has been a fucking ride let me tell you.... first things first, just to celebrate this year and give myself some leeway, there will be 17 songs!! and they are in no particular order!! i am not a favorites person, i have too much love in my pitiful heart.... anyway, lets start!!

17. movie - btob (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42A-rFdralM)     there are many things i love about this song. i got into kpop quite literally the very beginning of this year, and thats wild, but this song was one of the first of many i had heard, and didnt know much about then but love now. i specifically remember going through that one hot 100 kpop song playlist on youtube and finding this one, and instantly love it. its one of the classics of this years, and def opened my mind to a lot more. 

love’s like a movie~

16. really really - winner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tBnF46ybZk)    ohhhhh my god i could go on and on about this song. out of all the wonderful kpop songs weve been blessed with this year, this is the one that’s consistently stuck, and everyone knows it. its just that song. the music video is gorgeous and diverse but so simplistic with the black and white. dare i say its iconic; all of it.

널 좋아해~

15. rookie/red flavor/peek-a-boo - red velvet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8-OTC38I) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyiIGEHQP8o) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uJf2IT2Zh8)    ok, so yall are gonna hate me for literally putting all of their 2017 title tracks but oh my god... every single comeback they had this year was amazing, and id feel like id be playing someone if i just chose one or the other. like most sm groups, its not hard to absolutely love all of their songs. but in terms of aesthetic, sound, and all around look, red velvet killed it this year. so there. hope yall are satisfied with this.

peek a booooo~

14. fine - taeyeon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHXUM-6a3dU)    to keep this b/b/g/g pattern going, im choosing this one next and dear lord. this is another song id heard in the very beginning, and i was... frankly i was shocked. like, btob was surprising, but it was what i expected it be: boy group, fun, catchy, etc., but with taeyeon... god, her voice and the whole video... i was tearing up, not gonna lie. the lyrics especially got to me. its been in most of my playlists consistently this year, and i cant say the rest of the album isnt a must listen, just a recommendation from me personally.

its not fine~

13. dramarama - monsta x (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI)

 ok, i had a hard time on this one. its common knowledge they went through 3 major comebacks this year, all of which were amazing, but originally, beautiful is what stuck with me. i love the heck out of that song. then dramarama dropped a little over a month ago and... lets just say thats what convinced me to finally start stanning them for real. i have a thing for story driven music videos (bonus points if the story is actually mad good), so combine that with the absolutely amazing song and choreography, and you get their best comeback yet. honestly, it was so good, i urge yall to check it out if you havent.

dramama ramama ramama hey~

12. cherry bomb - nct 127 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkuHLzMMTZM)

 this song... THIS SONG... oh my god. i dont have an in depth discussion over the music video or the song or any of it but good lord... if youve heard it you know what im talking about. its another one of THOSE songs. its too bad it was generally slept on, but god... can i add i also love the choreography??? like a lot???? im the biggest hit on this stage~

11. palette - iu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c)

 yall KNOW i wasnt gonna put this one off any longer. this is also the song that got me to start stanning this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacularly awesome woman. she’s great. and this comeback?? ive easily listened to the whole album about 50+ times. i was going to put ending scene instead since i adore that one too, but this is the one that really stuck out to everyone. aesthetics?? on point. lyrics?? poetic. voice?? like an angel. lmao, i really love iu...

i like it, im 25~

10. as if its your last - blackpink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amq-qlqbjYA)

 ok the best part about this one was... since i was a new baby fan, at the time, the only group i really like, stanned, was bts. but i wasnt shut off from the rest of the music community tho, ofc. thats what im truly into kpop for: the music. so duh, i knew about blackpink and their bops (whistle was a personal favorite of mine). but for some reason, over time, they casually just became another group i was into? like, i knew the names, voices, roles, songs, etc.. so when i heard they were having a summer comeback, while i was free from school no less, i was ecstatic. i rewatched the teaser several times, stayed up and hyped with people online. and it finally dropped and instantly became my favorite song by them. its so goooood. my wife lisa, like, yas baby slay that rap while looking cute af. i love it very much, and im sure other blinks do too.

blackpink in your area~

9. dont wanna cry - seventeen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97cx53Tpp6g)

 yeahhh, im not gonna choose their most recent comeback for this one, sorry guys... its a good song, dont get me wrong but! this one is the one lmao. its so fucking beautiful. when i watched the mv for the first time, i was in awe cause the choreo was so good, and so different from what i had seen before, but it went with the song so well. its a very good listen.

울고 싶지 않아~

8. move - taemin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEyUNeZqmY)

 yes. yes. yes. this song??? yes. oh my god. so, this next bit is gonna be a bit sad (to read and to write), but just because an explanation is needed for each of these... im a shawol. i was the second i watched 1 of 1. and god, it still hurts so much to think of what happened? but, this explanation is taemin. so, i was into shinee, period. i knew taemin was a solo artist. i dont know why i wasnt paying close attention to it, but one day move just like, dropped. out of nowhere. and i went ‘where tf...?’ and watched it and OH MY GOD. i cant convey on here well enough, but bitch, i rewatched that shit repeatedly. the song was constantly replayed, and it finally pushed me to take the step and go back and listen to all his other stuff (which i love). its just so... androgynous and he dont give a flying fuck how he looks, dances, or sounds, and i adore it. definitely another THAT song of this year, dear lord.

youve got got the rhythm~

7. 1+1=0 - suran (ft. dean) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)

 ok, i was torn over this one. i bet everyone and their mother knows her for her “collab” with my boy suga, if i get drunk today. and YES!! THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. but bitch, this had dropped sometime whenever, idk when since i dont stan and her, and i saw it on youtube and thought  ‘shes the suga girl, i wonder if thisll be good’. i was so surprised when i listened to it. the music video?? snatched. the song?? snatched. wig?? bitch its gone. lets just say, first listen, i had already loved it way more than the song i originally knew her by. 

1 plus 1은 0~

6. ddd - exid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axVvZrDz60k)

 i put this one off long enough too. and this is obviously a very split opinion. they also dropped night rather than day which i am also 100% over the moon for. but god, i love sexy exid. and that is exactly what this comeback was. sexy, powerful, and aesthetically catchy as hell. (btw, exid is another group i actually stan, so i had been anticipating this one; i watched it while i was at school dusbgukg). so sad solji couldnt physically make it this comeback, but she was in the album, and that was enough for us. still wishing her the best recovery!

덜덜덜덜~

5. dont recall - kard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Dp7Q-SM1Y)

 oh kard. the group that had millions of fans before they even debuted... they gave us many tasty treats this year, all of which were total bops, but dont recall... bruh, its just stuck with me. i still know all the others, but when i think kard i immdiately think the of the legendary beat drop tied with the beautiful mv of dont recall. also another THAT song, no doubt. sorry i dont have much for this one, i dont know much about kard, but this song has personally been a go to of mine for the past many months. 

그만해 i dont recall~

4. ko ko bop - exo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdssuxDdqKk)

 lmao, you will not catch me in a 10 mile radius even THINKING about power. i drink to forget. its cute and all but... mmmm.... ANYWAY. im gonna be totally honest, i really love their 2016 year in terms of music more than i did this one (lotto, lucky one, monster, etc., etc., etc.,) BUT! out of the comebacks they had this year, i am 100% 10x more into ko ko bop. not gonna lie, i didnt dig it at first listen. but a little later, i tried it again and... hooo boy, what a good song. i dont know anything knowledge based about music or music production, but i know that ko ko bop is a good song. very good.

shimmy shimmy ko ko bop~

3. gashina - sunmi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur0hCdne2-s)

 ok. OK! so... yall gonna hate me, but i intentionally put off listening to this for the longest time. why?? i have no clue, its a great song. but i did. so by the time mama 2017 (IK THAT LATE) came around and i found out my boy taemin would be doing a collab stage with sunmi i was like... ‘ok i need to know who this girl is...’ i FINALLY sat my butt down and watched it and BITCH. okokokok, scroll back up, skim that taemin one, and imagine all those feelings, except like, gay. like, instead of thinking it was inspiring, i was just thirsting and being absolutely in love because holy shit everything about the song and the video are perfect????? THE LYRICS THOUGH TOO??? absolute women power i was 100% there for jesus christ.  왜 예쁜 날 두고 가시나~ 2. snow - zion.t (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGSDywrX1Y)    this song made me cry :( straight up, when i first watched it, i cried so much. it got even worse the second go round when i knew the lyrics. its so.... beautiful. im a big fan of zion.t as well, so this was no disappoint for me. i luv it... and fun fact, its my favorite music video ever, kpop or not. im very into cinematography and photography so it was such a treat to watch it. youd have to watch it for yourself to know what i was talking about. 

눈이 올까요~

1. anything from bts this year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdVXkSdhwU << this is dna just cause i dont wanna post 3 songs lol)

 yall honest to god probably hate me. ‘we just read this whole list to get a biased, lazy ass answer?!?!’ but hear me out... lmao thats all i got. bts is my ult group, but ult group or not, every single thing they dropped this year was spectacular. truly honest to god, its probably been their best year yet. jk, idk about that, 2015 and 2016 were pretty good. BUT STILL. spring day, not today, dna (lots of ayes), ALL OF IT SO FUCKING GOOD. gosh, i love them...

 dna~

well, thats all of them! keep in mind, this is a personal opinion thing, and there many, many, MANY songs of this year i loved, but this is a list and its gotta end somewhere, so i chose the ones that really stood out to ME. this was probably a waste of time, and bet this gets no notes, but in my heart, it was worth it. i love writing and ranting out my thoughts. this was my first year in kpop, and while yes, there were a few devastating and heart breaking moments that im still not fine about, it was good. my friends are gonna hate me, but this is just one of many years to come of me being into this shit. hope next year delivers as good as this one did. happy new years kpop fans!

[imlovedavestrider]

3 for talk about

3. Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings before

Yall this is the fourth Talk About I’ve answered and the third that’s been about Jaime oh my fucking godYeah ok so that would be Jaime taking the token title for person I’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for and that would be because despite a lot, I’ve literally never really felt too much doubt about that? Like overall obviously I have a couple times but yeahAnyway it just says talk about them. Idk what to talk about to not make this ridiculously long (it’s probably gonna be ridiculously long anyway)

So we met almost a full year ago (this week!) at Tokyo In Tulsa which is a con in Tulsa obviously. Friday night we were both cosplaying Dave and there was a small group of about four of us hanging out and talking and stuff. The next day I was cosplaying Fem Karkat (which was,,,,really bad holy fuck I would pretend that it never happened but it’s important to my Meeting Jaime story damn) and they were cosplaying Dave and we talked about DaveKat and we basically hung out all that day which was lit. We started talking on Facebook (despite how comPLETELY INTIMIDATED I WAS BY THEM) and like less than a week later we accidentally stayed up all night roleplaying DaveKat and just talking?? And I was like “oh no” because wow there are Emotions there but “oh no they are much older than me”And *then* a little later and by a little later I mean literally like 2 or 3 weeks later, we both kiiinda confessed to sooorta liking each other but because of the age difference at the time (and at the moment) we were like “yeaaaah no” and therefore basically pretended it didn’t exist for 6 months besides an occasional comment about how we are basically davekat (and then we both realized we were kin with dave and karkat and were like “oh boy”) and then in January we went to Izumicon in OKC and that was,,,,,,gay hooo boy that was gay and the whole 6 months ok I was like “aaaa i pretend it goes away and it will” well it didn’t and we had scheduled all night calls (Sunday night til 5am) for like 2 months and we got super close and this sound gay and cheesy but boy did I fall in love HOOO boy so Izumicon was a mess of me being vaguely flustered (the one time i was talking about how i don’t blush hardly ever and they turned to me and smirked and said “how come you’re always blushing when i’m nearby then look you’re blushing right now” and i just died oh my god)Well right after that we were like “ok yeah this dancing around it has got to stop” and look at us nowThe only way we can get gayer is to actually start dating but not until I am An Adult

This is long but now I wanna talk about them as a person instead of our story (which was heavily condensed) someone send me this number again so I have an excuse to do it lmao

[cockingballs]

okay so i dont want to bother anyone but im gonna vent

also as someone with special interests I know how it feels when someone disses your SI so if Pokemon is one of your SIs blease ignore (and do not go ahead and read just to make yourself mad, its not personal i love you and you’re valid this is just a vent post and it might even go off on tangents to other fandoms we just don’t know i’m sorry i’m sorry do not read if you like pokemon)

edit: i did go off on tangents. if your SI is haikyuu, marvel/mcu, ghibli movies, sailor moon, anime in general

oh

my

GOD i’m so fucking sick of seeing pokemon on my dash i swear the fuck to god i never ever want to see something pokemon related ever again. i’m NEVER going to be interested in it. i did not own a ds as a kid and i never have so i’ve never played pokemon games as like A Thing and it was never that quintessential Childhood Experience that it seems to have been for literally fucking everyone on this goddamn planet

it’s not important to me i’m soooo sick of it every time i see a pokemon post with like 200,000 notes i’m like hooo boy i hate this so much! get this shit off my fucking dash miss me w that!

and i cannot say anything about this bc like... everyone likes it and i can’t really avoid it and it just drives me absolutely crazy whenever i see pokemon shit anywhere ever!!! i’m like HOW are yall not bored to tears of it by now! cause i fucking am! jesus christ

ughhhh this goes for like so many other damn things too. here we go here’s the tangent, i need to vent

-haikyuu. ohkkay it was cute at first and i never see it on tumblr anymore but EVERY DAMN TIME i go to a con theres like 8295829387 haikyuu cosplayers hinata and whatever the fuck his name is with the black hair and black hair is always wearing a goddamn crown and cape like oooh! you’re not original at all this is boring and basic as shit (sorry cosplay whatever you want im just sick to death of it and i need to vent i need to vent)

-marvel. i have never ever ever ever ever ever ever been interested in superheroes and i never ever ever ever ever ever ever fucking will. why are people still even obsessing over a movie that came out like 593960936409 years ago i hate it god and ive only seen like two superhero movies and i fucking hated both of them they are not interesting at all they are not good and they are all the same! literally? even wonder woman i’m like not even interested in at all it’s not the Manly Man-ness or whatever its just the damn genre i don’t like action save for a few very special very good movies

-the ghibli movies that everyone’s seen. ive only seen kiki, ponyo, and arrietty, and i only liked ponyo, tbh. and i last saw that at age 9 and it scared the shit out of me for some reason. so i dont even know if i’d like it 8 years later. im literally not about to sit and watch totoro or whatever i think the plots are boring and while the animation and premises are great the plot is just boring as shit

-sailor fucking moon!! god! damn it i dont have time for this shit. everyones like oh you NEED to watch it you NEED to its the CLASSIC magical girl anime and like? bitch i dont like watching anime its such a damn chore it’s always painful to watch the plots aren’t great and you only get that really good anime once in a generation and just i don’t have time for sailor moon if we’re being honest and i see a WHOLE fucking lot of this shit in the jfashion community and im like No i’m here for clothes not fucking planet sailor scouts or whatever the shit

-i mean honestly most anime is overrated. i’ve only ever been 100% enthralled by two animes in my whole entire life and those were kill la kill and durarara (season 1, i’m not about the rest of durarara). klk was such a good story with amazing animation, a killer soundtrack, a great premise, and interesting characters. drrr!! season 1 was LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST PLOTS I HAVE EVER SEEN UNFOLD and i was captivated the whole entire time and it was incredible. everything else is either cute but empty, good but bad pacing, too short, too long, or hot garbage! sorry!

[thefudge]

Hi :) I was wondering which are your book OTPs.

so you mean my literary otps?

get. ready.

1. SO. since you started me down this path, there is a little known book by barbara pym called excellent women, about this spinster-in-the-making young woman (called mildred) in england’s 1950s who becomes friends with her downstairs neighbors and develops an innocent crush on the husband of the family. now, that’s not the otp. oh, no. see, the neighbors have this anthropologist friend that is this haughty impatient dude who sneers at everything and seems perennially vexed (he’s not really proud, he’s just super particular and doesn’t have patience for artifice and good manners). IN COMES our protagonist who just doesn’t really know what to do with him. they just sort of accidentally spend time together and they have this amazing dynamic that i’ve looked for in other otps but haven’t found since. basically it’s this fascinating ease they have with each other and this natural grouchiness they share; he doesn’t treat her as a “woman” per se, but as a human being, whom he questions and challenges. he doesn’t put her on a pedestal and he doesn’t really love her for any special quality, it’s so fucking charming and effortless. there is this JEWEL of a scene where he awkwardly invites her over for dinner, and mildred thinks he’s your average asshole bachelor trying to get a free meal out of her (basically, having her over to cook for him) so she rejects him. she eventually does come over and when she acts surprised she doesn’t need to cook for him, he’s SO outraged like “wtf cook for me??? no thank u??? that’s not why you’re here grl”. it is PERFECT. i may be super subjective, tho, but these two owned me and still do. oh also, the dude’s name is EVERARD. it truly is perfect. so yeah, mildred/everard 5ever. 

2. elizabeth/darcy is a given, but i will like to say that from austen’s plethora of delightful ships, my angst-sucker-punch will forever be fanny price/henry crawford from mansfield park. yeah yeah, fanny ends up with dreaded cousin edmund for…sigh, good reasons i guess. like, it’s probably just my weird hang-up and perhaps austen thought this ship was too much “reformed rake” for her taste but maaan, when this tiny ship sailed, it sailed (i’m also always a sucker for playa dude plays himself with feelings)

3. here i go with my obscure shit again, but this novel from amelie nothomb. it can be translated as “the sparrow’s diary”, and it’s such a weird otp, because this dude is hired to assassinate a whole family, from what i remember, and he goes through with it, but he discovers the diary of the teenage girl and keeps it for some reason. and he falls for her, post-death. it’s messed up and amazing. and i won’t spoil the ending, but whoa. yeah, so assassin/sparrow. my jam. 

4. eliza doolittle/henry higgins. grouchy marrieds seems to be a theme. i love how unsentimental this ship is, when you get down to it.

5. beatrice/benedick from much ado about nothing. def see a pattern here.

6. phaedra/hippolytus. yes, the original mother/stepson ship yall. euripides was my guy. also, here’s a delightful pic from one of the stage adaptations

6. eve/the literal devil in paradise lost. the original sinful otp. i remember milton writing about lucifer pining over eve and her coolness. the BEST. 

7. robin/cormoran strike from the cormoran strike series by jk rowling. THESE TWO, lord oh mighty, you know, i do have harry potter ships aplenty, but rowling never ever managed to kill me with feels UNTIL ROBIN AND CORMORAN. fuck me. they are the exact mixture of banter/tough-love i adore so much. and what should be obvious from this entire list is that i love it when the gents treat the ladies like fully formed, complex human beings.

8. amy/nick from gone girl. one day i will wrote a whole “post” on my theory that gillian flynn actually wrote the truest romance ever with these two. yes, also great commentary on the patriarchy and the capitalist twist on marriage etc. BUT deep down, this is a story of two people who come to really, finally see each other for the first time. and what they find is that, paradoxically, they match really fucking well. U HEARD IT HERE FIRST FOLKS. nick doesn’t just stay with her at the end because he’s “trapped”. it’s a larger metaphor for me. he’s trapped because no one will ever know his soul like amy, and vice versa. it’s only after you’ve shat on each other forever that you can come out of it remade. FIGHT ME. (my second secret theory about gone girl it’s that wuthering heights with reversed genders and a sordid, amazing HEA for cathy(nick)/heathcliff(amy).

9. iago/othello - i would argue iago’s deep loathing was desire, mixed with a desperate need to subjugate othello.

10. onegin/tatiana. yall. YALL. if you have never read “evgheni oneghin” by pushkin, remedy this mistake immediately. it’s a tragicomic lyrical novel about a young dandy who is doomed to ignore love when it is presented to him. but it’s also great, trope-wise. basically, he meets this young woman, tatiana, whom he finds pretty but simple and too romantic. she falls for him and tells him earnestly she wants to be together. this takes place circa early 19th century in russia. he rejects her. skip to 10 years later, she’s married to some important dude, he’s still embittered asshole, but he meets her again and falls for her. the roles are reversed, however.  BOOM. weep on that. 

11. lestat/louis/claudia for my anne rice fans. what a trash fam.

12. alice munro has a short story called “passion” which forever owns my soul. in it, this young, kind of naive girl goes on a drive with her boyfriend’s brother and well, it’s the best thing ever. the saddest, too. basically, those two. 

13. clara kalliam/ vincen coe. okay, yall, you may have no idea who these folks are but hooo boy, did they ruin me. so daniel abraham has this fantasy series called the dagger and the coin. basically, clara is part of the upper class society and is married to a baron. vincen is her husband’s servant. he is several years younger. their bond can never be. enter lots of angst and yearning and hot chemistry. what’s hilarious/painful about this ship is that clara is a lot like catelyn stark and vincen is a lot like jon snow, soooo if you ever thought that would be an interesting pairing, you’re welcome (i should say, they’re hardly the main focus/main ship of the series but they do play an important part and they’re my bbies)

14. there’s this book by yukio mishima called “spring snow”, it’s part of a bigger trilogy of his on love. but anyway, the two lovers in that book are sooo fucking intense i die every time. he wants to hate her, but ends up worshipping her. she’s engaged to a prince, ofc. it’s hopeless. the aaaangst. (in later novels, there’s a great queer subtext involving reincarnation and two male friends, but! those two crazy kids).i had to look up their names again, but they’re called kiyoaki & satoko.

15. dunya/svidrigailov - sooooo. these two are from crime and punishment, by dostoyevsky. basically, it’s a petyr/sansa ship that goes there. there’s a scene where she threatens him with a gun and it’s the hottest thing ever. he’s kiiind of obsessed with her but she’s also drawn to him. it’s weird and tragic and hopeless, in the end, but sooo good.

16. pretextat/nina - another amelie nothomb novel, this one called “hygiene de l’assassin”. so, you have this author dude who is scum of the earth. erudite and refined but absolute piece of fucking shit. enter girl who read all his work and wants to interview him. she thinks she’s uncovered the fact that he murdered someone in his past. pretextat falls in love with her in the course of one conversation. at one point i remember there’s a scene where she spits on him. it’s the fucking best. 

i think i’ve got many more, but just to give you a taste of my diverse literary menagerie lol. (jane/rochester should probs be there too but i decided to go with lesser known, more personal choices).