#I HAVE A SECRET LOVE OF BOTW SPEEDRUNNING

[skipppppy]

Anyway I’m bored and Carmen Sandiego renaissance is on the brain. What are these characters like when they aren’t focused on the main plot?? Non VILE/ACME/Caper related dialogue seems so few and far between.. I wish we got to see their lives outside work. So I made some headcanons abt it

CARMEN

Player was her first exposure to the outside world so she probably holds a lot of his nerdy interests close to her heart. She’s not the best at video games but plays them regardless. She especially enjoys sci-fi horror movies from the 80s that go big on practical effects

Finding random trivia about different countries is genuinely one of her favourite hobbies. The little info segments she does are not part of the edutainment show. She is genuinely just like that. This woman is a trove of fun facts please let her unleash them upon you

In the same vein she LOVES quizzes. After missions she will drag Team Red to any bar doing a trivia night in her vicinity and will wipe the floor with everyone there. Fear her

Enjoys people watching. It’s why she’s so good at charming strangers despite her socially stunted upbringing. She’ll sit alone in a busy train station for hours and watch everyone pass her by

PLAYER

Look. We know this kid is a nerd. It’s canon. But which niche of nerdiness does he fall into exactly?

Despite being an avid gamer he isn’t very competitive about it. He prefers single player rpgs, especially ones with active modding scenes. He doesn’t even know what vanilla Skyrim looks like he probably wasn’t even born yet when it released

He will, however, duo queue with Carmen on unranked Overwatch. They are both terrible at it and think it’s the funniest shit

Enjoys sitting back and watching a good speedrun. Will have a video of someone doing a stupid BOTW challenge in the background while he hacks security cameras and such

Runs a DnD campaign for Team Red which they’re all crazy invested in. Shadowsan is the only one who doesn’t care for it but he keeps rolling nat 20’s on the dumbest shit and derailing the campaign and he finds everyone’s reactions too entertaining to stop. They have a rivalry only a DM and a stupidly lucky rogue could have

ZACK

We already know he’s kind of a meathead that enjoys sports and cars and cheesy action movies but I also think he has a lot of softer hobbies that he keeps to himself bc he knows they won’t take him seriously

He’s a secret crocheter. He’ll mend the team’s clothes when they rip but that’s the extent of their knowledge. He’ll sit for hours by himself and knit while listening to music. Sometimes Shadowsan will find a new pair of socks in his bag. When Carmen got sick once she woke up with a handmade blanket draped over her. Ivy has her suspicions but doesn’t wanna intrude

He loves animals. He never really brings it up because no one ever asks. He always checks out local zoos and aquariums if he has the chance. Grew up watching Steve Irwin-esque nature shows and still does to this day

His love of eating is less out of greed and more his own form of cultural appreciation. Idk what happened to his and Ivy’s parents but for reasons he can’t explain their cooking is one of the few things he hasn’t forgotten, so he has a lot of sentimental food-based memories. And experiencing other countries cuisine connects him with that

IVY

PERIOD DRAMAS. They don’t have to be good they just have to be steamy. She enjoys the hot women in pretty dresses. She and Carmen watch Bridgerton together and laugh about how historically inaccurate it is

She LOVES renfaires and similar high fantasy roleplaying communities. Someone please buy this woman a suit of armour

As an engineering prodigy AND fantasy buff she has a massive interest in Blacksmithing and Swords. That’s her designated lesbian hobby. She’s been trying to politely worm her way into a conversation with Shadowsan about the blade he returned to his brother for months now but isn’t sure if it’s too personal of a topic for him so she’s nervous

Her sweet tooth encompasses more than just chocolate. She’s secretly grateful to Zack since he takes most of the flack for being a glutton. She makes note of any bakeries they pass by on capers so she can come back later in secret and go ham on the pastries

SHADOWSAN

I think his interest in Samurai history starts and ends with his love for Hideo. He’ll happily discuss it and he’s studied it passionately, but out of a sense of respect and duty to do right by the brother he betrayed

He will NEVER, EVER admit it to anyone but he genuinely misses the adrenaline rush from committing petty crimes. He was a criminal for over 20 years. Lifestyles are hard to shake and change isn’t linear. He’d never succumb to impulse but he’s just kinda bored

He microdoses on the urge by pranking people. Everyone always blames Zack so he never gets caught. He also enjoys sneaking up on people and making them jump. He’ll always insist it’s unintentional. It isn’t

He’ll read and meditate and train to keep himself centred but he’s still a rowdy young punk at heart. Team Red is the first taste of freedom he’s had after a lifetime of VILE faculty monitoring him. The first thing he bought for himself after settling in at the San Diego HQ was a motorbike. The second was a new tattoo. The third was a potentially lethal amount of whiskey that he drank in one sitting

JULIA

We know she has a passion for history outside her work in Law Enforcement so she definitely goes to all kinds of museums in her free time. She’s the kind of person who enjoys learning just for the sake of learning (she and Carmen have that in common)

Outside of that she’s surprisingly good at karaoke? She gets stage fright but really likes singing and will go all out if you hype her up. Her taste in music is the exact opposite of her appearance and personality. Lots and lots of death metal

An aficionado for different types of tea. She keeps like 10 flavours in her house at all times. She especially likes floral ones that taste light and sweet. She hates iced tea with a passion though

Goes to botanical gardens whenever the weather is warm and the season is right. She likes the history of the old manor houses but she also loves admiring the landscaping and the blooming flowers. She could sit on a bench surrounded by local flora and fauna for hours

DEVINEAUX

Chase is an entirely different person when he’s off the clock. The unhinged high-energy maniac who froths at the mouth about La Femme Rouge goes dormant once he gets home. Especially after he got stranded on VILE island. That really gave him some introspection about work/life balance

The biggest, softest, sappiest hopeless romantic you will ever meet in your life. Passion is just part of his nature and he gets his heart broken A LOT. It’s why he throws himself into his work

He’s a really good chef. Like REALLY good. Before he was a cop he did a few summers as a line cook in his teen years and he retained most of the knowledge. His pantry is STACKED and he tries out recipes he picked up from his ACME travels in his free time. He’s a tad snobby about it because he’s French but you will not complain about the stuff he feeds you

Old movie enjoyer. His favourites are film noirs, cheesy romances, creepy eastern european animation and german expressionism. He has a fervent hatred of Marvel

Also one of those insane people who get up at 5am to do cardio. One morning before a mission he met Agent Zari with barely a glisten of sweat on his forehead and sadly informed her that he only got to run 15k and he wished he had time to do more. That was the first time she ever knew fear

[jothb]

Not about music but growing up I always had to pirate games. Not a statement asking for pity, just a fact that happened. Sometimes I'd feel bad, but I mostly just wanted to play videogames.

One day I pirated Undertale. It became my entire identity for two years. I *loved* that game and it affected me in ways no game really has ever since. I played it over and over so many times, trying to get faster and faster (I don't know if I knew what a speedrun was), looking for secrets, finding them on my own (It should be noted I played undertale without access to the internet, I was staying at my grandparents summer house at the time). I still remember how smart I felt when I figured out how to solve the piano puzzle, or that you could sell dog residue for infinite money, or how to edit the save file to give me 999 hp to fight sans. I don't think I ever had or ever will have such an experience with a game again. It was the most memorable summer and it completely changed how I viewed videogames ever since. However I've given Toby Fox no money

Fast forward a couple years and I buy myself a Switch. It's a good console, and I was really enjoying playing the two games I bought with it (botw and metroid dread). Still, I decided to open the e-shop and see if there are any games I'd like to purchase. The second I open the front page I see it.

Undertale

I couldn't even finish a thought before I bought it. This game means so much to me, and now that I could finally buy it, pay for it, I did. I haven't touched it in years and yet I still remembered everything. It was like visiting the neighbourhood you grew up in and seeing how little everything changed. I finished it the same evening.

I don't think you're morally required to buy games you pirated once you have the money. Hell I didn't do it with every game I've pirated (if I did I would go bankrupt). But I know that just because someone can't pay for a game, or chooses not to, says nothing about whether they would support the developer or not. I didn't just do this with undertake too btw! Spiritfarer is another game that I bought *because* I loved it so much

Anyway fats forward another couple of years and I learn about the Bits and Pieces mod. It's for Desktop and I don't have money to buy Undertale on steam at the moment, so I just pirate it. At this point I already paid Mr Toby Fox (to be more precise I paid Nintendo and they gave him a cut), and had I the money to do so, I probably wouldn't have objected to buying the game on Steam. But I didn't, so I just looked up a pirated version and installed the mod on it.

I was greeted with a fucking anti piracy screen. Undertale doesn't have one. At first I assumed they just did the kind of piracy screen I have found memories of - "hey dude just tell your friends about the game if you can't buy it". I remember seeing one on my pirated copy or Terraria.

Nope. The game told me I am a greedy little fucker and should go pay Toby Fox. Like it literally says "you gotta pay Toby Fox". This wasn't added by Toby, this was added by a *mod*. It genuinely felt kinda disgusting. Of course I looked up how to go around the anti piracy screen, but it made the entire experience much more miserable. It was like coming back to the neighborhood you grew up in only to see it gentrified and fenced off

I don't know how to finish this post

fun fact: if you pirated six full length albums from your favourite band, listened to them all back to back 5 times, and then sent them $20 on ko-fi or whatever, on average they would have earned slightly more money per play than they'd get from you streaming the same shit with ads on spotify.

[sittingoverheredreaming]

I learned how to (sort of) do a speed running strat on BotW and I don’t think I even know anyone else who care about speed running but I’m losing my mind in excitement 

[powdermelonkeg]

Okay so like since you said that you dislike botw ( I personally loved it as a new Zelda fan, but I know that several old Zelda fans didn’t like it) and I respect your opinion, can I ask what other games you think are overhyped or you personally don’t like? I love reading your rants and how you explain your opinions!

Okay, so a little clarification: Whether or not I like a game doesn't mean I didn't enjoy my first playthrough. When I decide if I ACTUALLY like a game, or if it's just there to occupy my adhd brain, I go through a few things:

Did the story make me feel good?

Did the ending feel like a victory?

Is playing still challenging by endgame?

Are there secrets to find around the world?

Does it replay well, or is the early game just irritating because I don't have the stuff I did before?

Breath of the Wild doesn't hit those criteria. The most emotional scenes were Zelda's despair, which we didn't get a proper resolution to. Dark Beast Ganon feels too easy. The world only scales up by making fights LONGER, not more interesting. Secrets all are the same ending (yahaha!). And most of all, early game BotW is frustrating, especially coming from a completed file.

Those in mind, though, there's a couple of other problems I have with some more loved Zelda games, though they DO tend to avoid the replayability issue by the way dungeons and stuff are structured.

Ocarina of Time feels like an easy target, but it's praised as the best Zelda game. And I know that it's because I've had later (and longer) Zelda games, but as a writer, the amount of plot holes bothers me. On all other fronts, though, it succeeds; there's a variety of enemies, different kinds of secrets (grottos, bomb walls, fountains, magic beans, etc), challenging bosses, etc.

Majora's Mask had better writing, 100%. However, it hits the "this is annoying to restart" thing, except it makes you restart every few hours. And it MAKES YOU BEAT THE BOSSES AGAIN. That doesn't help me when I spent the whole three days dying to the water boss!

Ahem.

Final offender, and this one's going to strike a nerve with some people, Skyward Sword. The game is beautiful, the story is heartwrenching, I'll give them that. But as someone who speedruns Skyloft, the tutorial phase is obnoxiously long (knowing EXACTLY where to go, running everywhere, avoiding all enemies and secrets, button mashing through dialogue, and it STILL takes me 14 minutes), especially on the Wii version where you can't skip through text. On top of that, the amount of backtracking you have to do, plus the removal of grottos, bomb walls, and fairy fountains, make the secret-finding aspect of it just a more palatable version of what BotW's got. You get different treasures, but the goddess cubes might as well still be saying "yahaha, you found me!" because they're ALL that's really secret, barring some out-of-reach small treasures and heart pieces.

I like CAVES. I like EXPLORATION. I like SECRETS. The little secret chime in Zelda games is my favorite noise to hear. I want to light torches and that makes a chest appear! Or fall into a hole that leads me to a hidden puzzle! Things like that!

The best part of Zelda, in my opinion?

It's a secret to everybody.