#I HATE THE SAND BUT THE SUNSHINE AND THE WAVES AND THE WATER SPARKLING IN THE LIGHT

[t4tstarvingdog]

well i love to give a little chuckle sometimes :)

[fairyoftbz]

Étoilé | m. kevin

🏵 pairing: bf!Kevin x fem!reader 🏵 genre: fluff, suggestive  🏵 word count: 2.5k 🏵 tw: suggestive themes, a very badly written make-out session in the water 🏵 synopsis: you thought that you’d celebrate your relationship anniversary like every other couple, but Kevin had another plan in mind. 🏵 requested: yes! thank u!! 🏵 a/n: i apologise if it’s cringe or in a rush, i’m still not used to writing this type of thing! i hope it’s any good...

╰☆☆☆☆╮

Today was a special day for you and Kevin. Celebrating your third year together, happiness hadn't left you since you met this young, talented man. You were over the moon (no pun intended) when you first started dating this little ray of sunshine, and you don’t know where you would be or what you would do if he had never appeared in your life. He brought so much positivity in your life that you could only thank him for making you a better person and the happiest girl on earth.

And today was the day to celebrate those beautiful years of common life. Kevin and you had made sure that you were clear of any type of schedule or appointments to make the most of this beautiful day. In addition to that, the weather seemed to be on your side considering the temperature skyrocketing as the hours passed, not a single cloud on the horizon ready to come and ruin your day, none of that. It looked like even the stars were ready to celebrate your anniversary by offering you the warmth necessary. 

You had talked about your plans a few days prior, and you were the one to come up with a beautiful idea. Why not going back to the places that were essential throughout your three years of common life? 

Kevin instantly agreed with the idea, suggesting places that brought back beautiful memories. You managed to narrow down the places you wanted to visit again to three.

The first place was the coffee shop where you worked as a student with his sister, the one who made this relationship possible by introducing you to him one night during an aperitif at the shop. You remembered how attractive you found him, being a spluttering mess the entire night spent getting to know each other better. 

The next spot was the abandoned field a few streets away from your apartment building. As for your second date, he had prepared a picnic and you spent the entire day there, flirting like two teenagers. You played around and joked for a while, Kevin suddenly asking you to kiss him. Wanting to play around and tease him, you only kissed his cheek and scurried away, leaving an offended Kevin behind. After running out of breath while trying to flee from your date chasing you, you fell back on the picnic tablecloth and timidly pecked his lips before pulling away, your boyfriend becoming flustered by your actions, a bit disappointed that it didn’t last any longer. 

And the third place was at the beach, where you spent the entire day together, enjoying the ocean and the sun as much as you could. Kevin, being the hopeless romantic that he is, asked you to be his girlfriend as the sun was setting, making the scene unforgettable. You still remembered it, even three years later, gladly telling the story to anyone with a huge smile on your face.

You were so sure to have become the protagonist of a fiction that you had to pinch yourself after he had asked you out, just to make sure that you weren’t hallucinating.

And today, you felt all giddy to back to the same place you went to for your second date. just like the first time, he prepared a nice picnic and messaged you to meet him up at the same spot as a few years prior. 

Kevin looked handsome when you arrived, and you were excited to spend the day together. Everything surrounding you was gorgeous, you took a lot of pictures from the scenery and your boyfriend, having fun and flirting like the first time until the sun decided to leave. However, instead of acting cute, Kevin was more teasing, sometimes borderline explicit, just to see the bashful look on your face.

“Stooop, not this loud,” you playfully nudged him in the ribs and he cockily raised his eyebrow, breaking into a laugh. 

He swiftly tackled you to the ground and hovered above you, nearing his face to yours while whispering sweet nothings into your ears. You grabbed his face and gently grabbed it away from you to press your lips against his, slowly making out with him. 

“So I am not allowed to whisper things to you, but you can kiss me like that?” he said while pulling away, making you giggle as you looked to the side. “You know that there are families around, with children, trying to have a good time together. So try to keep your needs to the bedroom, baby,” he teased, and you rolled your eyes with a huff, knowing that he felt the same as you did.

His teasing grin confirmed what you thought, the light in his eyes changing into something quite different, hotter, needier. With only one look, you understood the other and immediately packed everything, putting away things in a rush, Kevin on your heels as you dashed to the car park of the supermarket nearby. When you were in the car, giggling like a schoolgirl as the exhilaration rushed through your veins, your boyfriend’s hand resting on your thigh as it innocently trailed higher the closer you got from your apartment, breath itching in your throat each time he teased you even more. 

Yet, as you were about to take the small street to reach your building, Kevin decided differently by driving right past it, speeding away after taking a sudden turn. Your eyes watched the street sign and you smiled as he started following a route to a well-known spot: the beach. 

In the thrill of getting out of the car, you took the untidily folded tablecloth and bolted to the beach, laying it on the sand before happily sitting down between Kevin’s legs. His arms immediately surrounded your waist and his mouth trailed open-mouthed kisses on the skin of your neck, making you shudder at the sensation. Kevin smirked as you were easily affected by his touch, laid hold of your waist to press you further against him.

You smiled and gave a half-suppressed laugh as you pressed your cheek on his shoulder, getting lost in the sensation as you struggled to suppress the moans that were already threatening to spill at the abandoned field.  Your boyfriend stopped for a while and you sighed in relief, feeling your heartbeat slowly calming down as he stopped his ardent attack on your neck.

“I have an idea,” Kevin declared, now huskily whispering in your ear. “Yeah?” you replied as his hand gently caressed your thighs up and down. “Do you follow me?” you slightly frowned at his words, turning your body around as you watched him get up. He took off his baseball cap and dropped it on the tablecloth, grabbing the back of his V-neck sweater and took it off before unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt. 

“You wanna go in the water?” You stated, observed getting into work, earning a smirk from the man standing in front of you. “Isn’t it a good idea?” Smirking, he threw his shirt at you while biting his lower lip, rolling your eyes at his comment. “The last in the water will do the dishes until September!” he yelled as he was about to take off his jeans, only to watch you spring on your feet and removed your dress, getting ahead of him as you wore fewer items of clothing than him.

He froze for a quick second as he saw the sheer, sexy white lingerie you hid under the fabric of your dress, his distracted eyes allowing you to take the lead and run towards the ocean at full speed. The water was cold but the burning sensation travelling your body didn’t prevent you from entering the ocean. It managed to cool you down instantly as you got water to your stomach, gazing at a defeated Kevin that arrived a few seconds after you.

“That is so unfair,” he said while entering the water, dragging you by the waist in deeper water as you laughed. 

With your hands resting on his shoulders, he glanced at you with a smirk tugging on his lips, wrapping your legs around his waist. Hair framed your face in the most gorgeous way, Kevin observing you with admiring eyes, a gentle smile appearing on his face. 

“You are gorgeous Y/N. You never told me you were wearing this set though,” he mumbled, without being affected by the small waves, looking at you with a sudden sparkle of lust illuminating his eyes. “Oh. My mistake. I should have undressed in front of everyone at the field to show you,” you murmured with a mocking smile, only to have Kevin roughly grabbing the back of your head to pull you against his mouth, messily kissing your lips as he hungrily held you tight against him.

The hotness of your bodies grinning against the other was almost enough to warm up the entire ocean, his touches lingered in your mind as his hands travelled lower to grab your ass. You hated to admit it, but Kevin only needed to kiss you with all his might to make you melt in a small puddle of love. It was delicious, you couldn’t even deny it, his hands kneading the flesh of your butt cheeks always achieved to make you feel some type of way. Just feeling him against you felt like heaven, pressed chests heaving together as you were about to lose yourself to him. 

“Don’t play with me, baby,” he mumbled against your lips before kissing you again with more eagerness this time. You grabbed the shorter hair at the back of his head and tugged on it, Kevin emitting a groan against your lips.

Pulling away, he slowly yet roughly grabbed your lower lip between his teeth, tugging and playing with it as his hands were busy playing with the wet lace underwater, pursing your lips to stifle a whimper. 

Lust and arousal filled your eyes as you stared at Kevin, barely keeping them open at the intensity of the emotions you were feeling. He let go of a hand on your ass to come and gently cup your throat, tongue slowly entering your mouth and easily dominating yours as you felt a rush of heat bolting south, a small moan escaping your mouth.

“I’ll never get over how easily you get turned on with just with my hand around your throat,” he chuckled, and you groaned, slightly annoyed at how cocky he sounded. 

Kevin acted all smug and playful, but you also knew he was slowly losing his mind at how much he loved and cared for you. The only thing that he wanted to do right now was showing you all the love he had for you, but he also knew that words and actions weren’t going to be enough to even reach how much he loved you.

You wanted to talk back, but he was quick to silence you by trailing his hand to your cheek to cradle it while his mouth went the opposite direction, leaving prominent hickeys on the smaller ones that he gave you on the beach and at the field. Your eyes rolled at the back of your head and your stomach did somersaults at the overwhelming sensation. 

“I think that’s enough foreplay. Don’t you think?” you said, and his mouth stretched into a smirk, dying the following second as he kept on taking the right path to send you to cloud nine.  “Someone’s quite eager tonight, hm? Let me take care of you, love,” he whispered and disappeared in between your breasts.

[...]

Chests rising and falling against the other, Kevin gave you a quick kiss on the lips and another one on your jaw before walking closer to the shore hand in hand, feeling the exhaustion washing over you. With an arm crossing over your breasts just in case, you picked up the discarded bra on the sand that your boyfriend threw a few moments prior, holding it away from you as it was wet and sandy.

You both quickly paced to your tablecloth, drying yourselves as best as you could as you got dressed again, relieved when you noticed that no one had stolen anything during your little lovemaking session. The adrenaline rushed through your veins as you pulled your dress over your body again, shivering as you felt the lace wet some parts of your dress. Quickly discarding the panties off your legs for some comfort, you glanced at your boyfriend who was rebuttoning his shirt as if nothing happened.

“Naughty girl,” he smirked as he detailed your actions, handing you his V-neck sweater. “I’m not that cold,” you stated but took it anyway, Kevin breaking in a fit of laughter. “Your nipples say otherwise, darling, or it's the thrill of getting freaky in the ocean maybe?” your eyes widened at his boldness, a shocked, playful look painting your face before putting his sweater on. “You perv,” you giggled, and he shook his head, grabbing the panties you were holding and tucked them in his jeans back pocket.

Turning back to the ocean, you looked at the dark blue water, the starry sky and the moon illuminating the small waves and the foam crashing on the sand before vanishing back in the salty water. You sighed and softly smiled, two arms wrapping around your shoulders in a much gentler way than a few moments prior.

“What are you thinking about, Y/N?” Kevin whispered in your ear and you lifted a hand to rest it on one of his forearms, enjoying your boyfriend’s hold and warmth surrounding you. The teasing atmosphere had disappeared, getting replaced by something deeper, softer. “Look at the sky, it looks gorgeous,” you whispered as if speaking louder would break the moment. Kevin kissed your cheek, lips lingering on your skin and you smiled, gently turning your head to peck his lips. Everything was slower, gentler, and softer as if your actions in the water were just a great memory. “It is indeed gorgeous, there’s nothing compared to you admiring it,” he whispered, and you smiled, a delicate warmth engulfing your heart in a hug at his cheesy words.

Boy, this man was a flirt, but you adored it. It made you feel like you were still in the chasing part without the doubt of not being this type, and you could stay in this state forever.

“I love you,” you whispered, and Kevin placed himself in front of you, lifting your head with his finger under your chin, admiring your face as pure love adorned his pupils.  “I love you too Y/N, to the moon and back. I love you even more than all the stars in the sky tonight. Happy anniversary, love,” he whispered before taking your hand, lifting it to his lips to press a gentle kiss on top.

You shivered at the contact and Kevin drew you closer to him, lips connecting with your forehead before you started to walk back to his car. 

He was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

[pappydaddy]

Heather (j.m.)

A/N: I guess I’m back? I never really left, I was just kinda without internet and then I just completely lost all concept of time. Like I am not kidding, I have no idea what day it is. But anyway, I am working on my Steve Harrington series and trying to get the third part out soon and I have a bunch of ideas for imagines so I am going to be working on those, trying to get those out as soon as possible. This piece is inspired by sad bitch hours bc I like listening to sad songs even if I’m not sad?? So, this is inspired by Heather by Conan Gray. I also love writing sad angst after long breaks for some reason. ANYWAY, enjoy and check out the song bc Conan Gray is amazing. 

Show/Movie: Outer Banks

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader 

Warnings: Sad, angst, longing, negative thoughts about oneself (appearance, personality, etc), comparing to other people, jealousy, unspoken feelings

I think I’m going to do a part two, maybe even a part three, idk, we’ll see!

Link to an edited youtube video of this song (I used this one to write with)

Link to Spotify version of this song 

Part One - You’re here! | Part Two

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation

- not my gif -

  The cool ocean breeze blew past her as she sat on a piece of driftwood, the sound of waves lapping up onto the wet sand inches away from her bare feet calmed her. The beginnings of a party stirred the peaceful silence up behind her, disrupting the calm the ocean set. Her friends were up by the bonfire they started, talking and laughing about something. Y/N was torn. She didn’t know if she was sad to be missing out on the fun or if she was glad she didn’t need to plaster on her fake smile she usually had to wear around her. The newest addition to their small, tight-knit group. Normally, one of the boy’s flings wouldn’t affect her like this, but when it’s the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy bringing them around, she couldn’t help but feel her heart-breaking each time. 

  She had tried to deny her feeling for a long time, mostly because she knew that he’d never get into a serious relationship, it was just the way JJ was; the second reason was because of the rule: no Pogue on Pogue macking. Of course, the rule was able to give her a reason to keep her feelings a secret from everyone, but it was also what made her hurt so much. If she could just tell someone about her feelings, she’d be able to sit up there by the warm fire with her friends, laughing and joking with them. Instead, she kept her mouth shut about her feelings and she distanced herself from them whenever she was there. 

  Y/N hugged herself, wrapping herself up in warmth. The thin sweater she wore didn’t do much against the fall wind attacking her along with the breeze blowing off the ocean. Nights were colder, the summer humidity disappearing quickly, but it didn’t stop the teens from partying into the night. Glancing over her shoulder, she snuck a glance at her friends. Her eyes, without fail, went right to JJ. His arm was slung around her, his beautiful smile on his face, his adam’s apple bouncing as he retold an embarrassing story about John B who laughed loudly. She was sitting just far enough away that she couldn’t hear the words they were saying, but she could hear their barking laughter. 

  She watched them, she was beautiful. She was Heather. The new girl. Y/N had nothing against her other than the fact that she had JJ, even if it was going to be over with by the end of this month. JJ never stuck around relationships for too long, but it didn’t mean they hurt Y/N any less. How could Y/N compete with her? Her long black hair blowing in the wind as if she was out of a movie, her striking blue eyes, her perfectly freckled face that looked like an Instagram filter. Y/N would never be as pretty as Heather in her mind. 

  Y/N’s laid-back, hippie/surfer attitude was no match for Heather, nor were her looks. Heather was beautiful inside out. While the casing looked like she was scalped by the Greek Goddesses, her personality was like she was filled with sunshine and rainbows. No matter when you saw her, she always had a kind smile. She was perfect: smart, kind, popular, pretty. It was as if is was impossible to hate her. She was too kind to. 

  Standing from her piece of driftwood, Y/N decided that she wasn’t in the mood to be at a party. Grabbing her shoes from the sand by her feet, she made her way along the water, not wanting to walk past her friends and have to answer questions. She didn’t want to spare a glance in Heather’s direction, not wanting to see JJ’s sweater on her. The same sweater he gave her last December. 

  Shivers ran up her spine as they all laid in the hammocks at The Chateau. While it was winter, they still decided to go out and stargaze after smoking the blunt JJ had just rolled. In their stoned haste to stare at the stars, Y/N had forgotten to bring a sweater or even a blanket, leaving her shivering in the hammock she shared with JJ since he broke his a few days ago. 

  JJ, having noticed her shivering since she was shaking the hammock - making its swing choppy, sat up. “Here,” He sat up, making her look up at him curiously. While they were slightly buzzed, they were still able to think since they were used to the stuff JJ gets. “Take my sweater, you’re freezing.” He told her, forcing her to sit up and put his sweater on. The dark fabric (while thin) warmed her perfectly but she wasn’t sure if it was because it came off of JJ’s body or if she was just that cold.

  “No, JJ, I can’t, you’ll get cold!” She protested, moving to take it off and give it back, but JJ stopped her, zipping it up to make it harder for her to get off. 

  “You’ve got to now, it looks much better on you and it’ll just be embarrassing if I wore it after you did,” He winked, settling back down, his hands clasped behind his head, his elbows sticking out, blocking where her head was supposed to go. “Plus, since I don’t have a sweater, it just means I need you to cuddle me to keep me warm now.” He smirked, his eyes staying on the stars. With a blush heating her face, Y/N laid back, her head resting on his chest, her arm resting over his stomach.

  It was just polyester, but it made her think that there was just a slightest bit of hope that maybe he liked her back. She liked to replay that day over in her head, her mind creating a figment of her imagination - a fictional ending where they ended up together, but since Heather showed up, she stomped all over it with her angel feet, but in the nicest way possible. 

  Sand kicked up on the backs of her heels, sliding off easily as she walked along the beach. She wondered if anyone noticed that she left, if JJ noticed she left. She doubted it, they were all mesmerized by Heather and her amazing personality while Y/N was off drowning in her own vast ocean of sadness. Looking behind her, she could faintly make the group out, spotting the crackling fire spitting sparks into the sky as started to bleed with fading pinks and oranges. They looked like specks, but she could tell that they were still laughing as if she hadn’t left. Sighing, she made her way up the dune, walking through the cluster of trees and onto the sidewalk, walking against the sea of people making their way towards the party. 

 ____

  She was working the next time she saw them. She was trapped and forced to sit there watching them. Of course, she was inside the restaurant while the couple stood outside on the deck, waiting for Pope and John B. Kiara was inside, finishing her shift up. Y/N’s eye caught on them as she grabbed her table their drinks. They were standing there, deep in conversation, their hands clasped together. She couldn’t take her eyes off them as their lips met in a long kiss. Her mind wondered. Why would he ever want to kiss her after having such a perfect girl in his arms? 

  Y/N wanted to hate her, she really did, but she couldn’t. “Y/N, you’re spilling the water everywhere,” Her co-worker exclaimed, jumping towards her with a dry dishtowel, sopping up the mess. She jolted in shock, his voice snapping her out of her daze. “Your clothes are soaked.” He fussed, trying to help dry her hand. Her eyes glanced back up from the mess at the deck entrance dinging, alerting them of someone entering. The group walked in, JJ and Heather in the back of John B and Pope. 

  “Hi, Y/N! Where is your section?” John B called out, wanting to be served by his friend as an excuse to see her since he hadn’t talked to her in a while. 

  “Sorry, John B, I’ll have to take your table so she can get cleaned up, next time.” Her co-worker told them, getting another dry towel to try and help her dry her clothes so she wasn’t dripping everywhere. John B pressed his lips together into a line, nodding with disappointment. 

  “Thanks, Jack,” John B nodded his chin in Jack’s direction. “Maybe we’ll talk before we leave, Y/N.” She looked back up from her shirt, nodding. Her eyes caught on JJ, their eyes connecting as Heather talked to Kie (who had just came out of the back), not noticing. It certainly was a sight for sore eyes, JJ’s eyes were, but it was gone as fast as it came. 

  “That should be good, Y/N,” Jack brought her back, making their eyes connect. His eyes were just a gorgeous as JJ’s, but they didn’t take her breath away like JJ’s did. He smiled at her, his eyes sparkling with happiness. His smile was show-stopping, but it didn’t effect her like JJ’s did. “You should go get changed, I’ll take these to the table for you, table four, right?” 

  “Yeah, thanks Jack, I owe you one.” She called to him, disappearing into the back, thankful that she always brought a change of clothes and thankful that she didn’t have to serve them. Though, she knew that she shift was going to be mostly trying not to even look towards their table, she was happy she didn’t have to go through standing at their table, working even harder at her fake smile so she didn’t show them that she was dying inside while she felt like she wanted to rip her feet off because they were so sore. 

 ____

  It was at school, she had seen the whole thing. Lost in the crowd, she stood there watching as Heather weeped. She could tell that JJ was embarrassed, he had tried to do it quickly and in private, but Heather’s load sobs and gasps drew the first few people then they drew the rest of the crowd. Even with a mixture of tears and makeup rolling down her perfect skin, Heather was the figure of beauty. Now, Y/N was certain - she’d never stand a chance with JJ Maybank, even after he broke up with Heather, for Y/N wasn’t half as pretty as her. 

  Heather pushed through the crowd, trying to get away from JJ. She pushed between Y/N and Jack, who stood beside her, his books hanging by his hip, Y/N’s books in his other hand. “Poor Heather, poor JJ. He actually looks like he tried to break up nicely this time. He must have cared for her at least a little.” He commented, observing the blonde boy while the group dispersed, giving him a perfect view of the two. 

  “Who wouldn’t care for her, she’s an angel.” Y/N muttered, her eyes connecting with JJ’s. A sympathetic smile stretched onto her face, feeling sorry for him. Their eyes never separated, the two of them standing still, just absorbed in their eye contact. 

  “Come on, Y/N, let’s go. We can’t be late for our shift.” Jack told her, forcing her to break away from JJ’s eyes. She looked up at him, nodding before turning and walking the short distance to his pick-up, climbing in. Jack tossed their books in the bed, along with their bags, slipping onto the bench seat next to her. Turning to gaze out the window, she saw JJ staring at her, still standing in the same spot. Their eyes connected once again in a fleeting moment before Jack slowly pulled out of the spot, exiting the nearly empty parking lot. 

[arewelonely]

calypso cubs, @lumosinlove fanfiction

i never get AU ideas this was a joy

ok so logan is calypso. he's just there and it's hot and he's missing his family and he's somehow surviving day by day, resigning himself to the fact that he's alone, on this island, and what is he supposed to do to pass the centuries?

then a redhead washes up on shore and he's gorgeous and logan pushes that aside to heal the boy and help him repair his ship. but finn has personality and jokes and also somehow sees logan and when he returns to his lil hut at night his brain is running in circles because there is no way on earth that finn would stay here, on this island, with logan until the end of time. logan can't ask finn to do that. so we get the logan denying his feelings and doing a little bit of hot and cold, as he does.

but he likes finn. there's something about him. and they kiss one day and it's good but logan pulls himself away because this is unfair, to finn and unfair of the gods to logan himself and the look on finn's face about breaks him. a few days later they make up; finn reveals his feelings and logan reveals the tragedy that is his life: if they are to be together, finn must stay on this island.

finn convinces logan to try and leave with him. he's so insistent and persistent and logan sees the love and hope in his eyes and he gets tired of saying no and he gets tired of wanting. so the two climb into the boat and they push off of the island.

it's fine for a bit. they get a bit away, to the deeper part of the ocean, and logan feels his chest rise in spite of his worries. finn is firey and grinning and has not interacted with the gods as closely as logan has.

the waves increase in their intensity. the joy on finn's face is replaced with shock and then a cold splash of fear as he's thrown from the boat. logan jumps in after him and struggles him back to the surface despite the rocky waves. he hauls him up back on the boat and lifts himself to peer over the edge, confirming finn is alright–he is. he's breathing. just a little stunned.

and logan dives under the water and doesn't resurface until he's close enough back to the island that finn won't see him.

logan's devastated. cursing the gods. pissed off at the world. angry as he goes around and sees the bits of finn left behind, the little messes they hadn't cleaned up before leaving. he hopes that finn has returned safely to his war. he hopes finn doesn't hate him too much.

and then a few weeks later there's splashing in the water and logan looks over, his heart beating, and it's not finn, but a tall sunshine boy who crawls his way on to the beach and lugs his boat behind him before collapsing and falling into a deep exhausted sleep.

logan wishes he didn't do it, wishes he acted better, but he stares at the boy for a good few minutes, wondering if there is any way the boy will wake up on his own, hop back in his boat, and just leave, before wrapping his arms around the boy's shoulders and dragging him along the sand to logan's hut.

the boy stays asleep for days. logan is both grateful and ungrateful for this–he doesn't have to talk to the boy. he can continue to grieve. but he knows at any moment the boy will become his responsibility–frankly, the boy is already his responsibility. he's making him drink some water whenever he mumbles and he knows his heart is pounding whenever the boy, fast asleep, clutches his wrist.

leo wakes up. he sees that logan is hurting and a bit cracked and he gives him as much space as he can–after all, logan is still caring for him. but logan also looks at him in ways he can't decipher and logan, frankly, has no idea why he's looking at him so much. there's none of finn in his face. but his eyes sparkle when he speaks.

logan pushes leo away when he kisses him. he then reaches out to bring leo back, but leo shakes his head and backs away. logan is either in, or he's out. and logan can't do this to leo, and he can't do this to himself. and he shakes his head, because leo's all healed and his boat has been fine since he's arrived on this island and logan just needs leo gone.

but, of course, it's worse without leo.

logan prays to the gods that no fucking other boy will come to this island, and, for a year, no one does. he is astonished that the gods are listening to him, but thankful all the same. his heart longs for the two boys... he doesn't have it in him to care for any others.

leo returns to the war. he is tougher than when he left, a bit more guarded, and his friends don't understand where he was that changed him this way. he refuses to speak about it–what's the point? he was hurt, and he doesn't want to go back... he doesn't even know if it's possible to go back. so, he'll never see logan again. alright. good riddance.

there's another boy who hangs out in the camp, somehow lively despite the stress they're under. and yes, he has red hair, not brown, and yes, the two are in entirely different circumstances, but leo tenses his jaw regardless and looks away. they're in a war. this could still have a devastating end.

finn understands this, and he and leo fight side by side, growing more comfortable with each other and avoiding any and all pulls to each other for the sake of their future sanity. but then leo isn't quite sure if their current sanity is better for this, and he looks at finn for a long time one night and then finn meets his eyes and then they're kissing and leo misses logan so very much.

the war fades to an end, or they win, or they lose, and finn and leo each know that something is missing between them. finn has determined that the pang in his heart is only a bit smeared with anger towards the way logan just gave up on him–logan was caring for him by sticking him back on the boat. logan wanted to make sure finn could return to his life. logan was trying to act kindly, even if it sucked.

leo and finn get to talking about their time during the war, the time that both of them, about a month apart, were lost at sea for a bit. their mouths hang open when they realize. logan.

they build a sturdier boat. they bring it to the edge of the sea. they travel back, trying to figure out where exactly they got lost the last time, how the winds sent them to wash up on logan's island. they wonder how logan's doing.

it takes days to arrive. the gods have zero interest in helping them and quite a bit of interest in pushing them away from this island. but they see it, in the distance, or they believe that they do and they keep going. leo shouts when he actually sees it, the trees as he remembers and a faint hut that brings back the pang in his chest.

finn has explained why logan, probably, refused to kiss leo. leo explained how logan had pulled him back in, and he knows that logan's feelings for him were most likely marred by his curse. he hopes this is the case.

getting to the island is a test of both finn and leo's strength. the waves are rocky as all hell and the wind refuses to help and they pull hard on the ropes for the sails to corral the wind somehow to get them to this island. logan has seen them and his heart is pounding because there are two people on this ship, and they're both standing, and they look like people he loves, and he stands at the edge of the water, not wanting to go and help for fear of making it worse.

but as they get closer, the waves increase on their own. logan makes eye contact with first finn, who has tears in his eyes, and then leo, whose sturdy expression he recognizes from the moment when leo asked him: was he in, or was he out?

finn calls to logan to swim up to the boat, and logan shifts his eyes to leo again, who nods harshly, and logan truly doesn't know what to do because he can't handle causing more harm to these two wonderful humans. but then they're both calling to him and they say to come and swim and logan remembers how good he felt when he spoke to both of them, and he pushes aside his fears as much as he can, swimming faster and faster until leo hauls him up on the boat and they're just staring.

but thunder cracks and logan flinches, hard, and finn wraps his hand around logan's arm and pulls him to the center of the boat and gives him something to do and tells him they'll talk when they get away. logan tries to explain it's not going to work–does he remember what happened last time?–and finn and leo tell him to shut up and just focus while they sail away.

and, somehow, they do. leo and finn are strong and skilled and logan is in awe and just trying to assist however he can. one or both of the boys look over every time the thunder booms above them and he just stares into their eyes as he shudders because, despite everything, they're somehow all here.

after hours upon hours, the seas and skies give up. they all fall to the ground and breathe heavily. logan reaches out his hand to leo and rests it next to his tentatively. he apologizes. leo nods, grabs his hand, and pulls him into a hug. finn makes some quip about how pretty they look and logan reaches out his hand to pull him in.

they land back on shore eventually. the gods are not pleased and make the journey take far too long. but it gives them much time to talk. logan learns how finn and leo know each other. he tells them everything–what's the point in hiding, if taking these leaps so far have brought him this much joy? who is he to deny them all the possibility for more?

logan sobs when he gets back on shore–but a different shore. he has told finn and leo about his sisters, and they've all planned to search for them. but first, they want to make a home. sprawling, no boundaries, with grass and trees and neighbors and no ocean as far as the eye can see.

logan isn't sure he'll ever get back on a boat.

finn just wants to wrap up his boys and explore their village.

leo befriends the farmers instantly and the three of them plant a garden.

logan stares out at his new home and smiles.

[xyliane]

book of secrets 11: with a shuddering gasp

notes: this thing has a plot, and look here it is! (kind of. it also has killua being maybe a little in love with his best friend. sorry killua?). I kind of love writing like this, where every ficlet is kind of disconnected but part of the same overarching story, so I can figure out the plot and world as I go along. and I only had to do a tiny bit of worldbuilding correction here to make it work! G, killugon. 920 words.

---

Killua loses track of long he runs. The beach stretches past the horizon, a narrow trail Killua chases until his lungs burn and his body aches, heartbeat a roar in his ears. It’s comfortable to move, even as it hurts, blazing through whatever fog that surrounded his mind and leaving his thoughts clear and sharp as a newly forged blade. As waves crash against the shore, mist catches the burning sunshine and sends it cascading across the sands in rainbows, catching in the odd patch of shadowy nothing Killua has to skip around. It’s still early, autumn morning brisk and bright, and between the sand and the sun Killua’s surprised he sees anything at all.

But that is kind of the point.

Killua runs, and runs, and runs. His shoes are soaked, waves lapping against the shore and up his ankles, cold wet encouragement to keep going another step, another breath.

A patch of nothing appears in the center of the sunburnt sand, caught between the tide and the dunes, and Killua has half a second to twist and leap, narrowly avoiding the shadow’s edges as he lands, sand spitting up beneath his sneakers and his hand. But the sand skitters out from under him like a living thing, and he tumbles into the water with a squawk.

It’s all too easy to hear the gleeful cackling from above the waves gently crashing around his head, and Killua kind of wishes the water was deep enough to swallow him whole. “Gon, shut up,” he grumbles.

The laughter grows louder in time with the sound of feet splashing into the shallows. “Sorry, Killua,” Gon says, brown eyes dancing in the sunlight, and extends a hand. “Do you want some help?”

Killua rolls his eyes. “Sure,” he says, and yanks his best friend face-first into the water.

The wrestling that ensues doesn’t last that long, but by the time they drag themselves back to the dunes, the suns have been joined by stars, turning the burning blue sky opalescent. They should really get back home soon, before the sands start burning.

“How many did you get?” he asks.

Gon is still trying futilely to dry out his shirt. “How many—oh, the shadows.” He frowns down at his T-shirt, as though the bright orange logo would remind him.

Killua shakes his head, shedding water everywhere. Gon gets a faceful, and it’s enough to shock him out of his thoughts long enough to pout. Killua counts it as a victory. “Gon, we came here for a reason.”

“I know.” His frown deepens, the sort that makes his forehead wrinkle and brain creak into motion, and strips out of his shirt with a single fluid motion that Killua swears to never admit appears in slow-motion. Water sparkles in the light as it runs down his brown skin, tracing freckles and scars across well-defined collarbones and a chest that Killua abruptly can’t stop looking at. Has Gon always had muscles? That’s absolutely unfair. Killua has muscles too, but not like…like—

“Sixteen,” Gon is saying, and what were they talking about?

“Sixteen?” Killua asks. His mouth is dry, like he’s eaten a beach’s worth of sand.

Gon’s eyebrows scrunch together a little. “That’s how many shadows I saw.”

Right. Shadow void things. Not the void-black band high on Gon’s arm, looping his bicep and shading the warm brown of his freckled skin, how his muscles strain just a little as he wrings out the shirt.

“Killua?” Gon says again, and covers the bands with his other hand.

Killua drags his eyes off his best friend, glaring at the sand because that’s marginally less likely to blind him. “Nineteen, with the last one,” he says.

Gon huffs. “That’s more than the last time.”

Killua nods. “Do you think we should tell someone?” he asks. “Maybe another Book user.”

The hand covering the black marks tightens. “I don’t want to,” he says.

“Why not?” Now Gon’s the one staring at the sand, an expression somewhere between frustration, embarrassment, and anger clouding his eyes. Killua tries not to grind his teeth, and reaches out. “Gon, why not? We know enough people, or we can talk to Kite—”

“I don’t want to,” Gon snaps. His voice echoes across the dunes, a nail driving against Killua’s spine again and again until the sound fades back into the gentle pounding of waves against the shore.

Killua pulls his hand back.

“Sorry,” Gon mutters. “I just—I don’t want to bother Kite.”

“It’s okay,” Killua lies. Because he gets it. Not the why of it—Gon loves Kite like a brother, even if they haven’t seen each other in ages, and even if he’s keeping secrets that wouldn’t keep them apart. He lies because he sees how much Gon hates the secret, how much he wants to make something right. And he trusts Killua enough to help.

One day, he’ll tell Killua what his secret is. Or he never will. Killua tells himself that he’s okay with that, and he almost believes that lie, too.

“We should at least go home,” he says. “Compare notes with Knuckle and Palm. They’ll know someone we can talk to.”

Gon nods once, a little too jerky. “Thanks, Killua,” he says. Killua doesn’t know why. He doesn’t ask about that either.

He puts his shirt back on before they go back through the Door, and the selfish part of Killua wishes they could have stayed behind just a little longer.

<< || masterpost || >>

[jimin-jungshook-over-literalbae]

Sunshine & Darkness *Part 4*

I bet you thought this was never coming!! But here we are. I finally finished part 4. Honestly, I think this part is the longest one so far and I love it so much. Let me know what you think!

     The water sparkles and shimmers in the light of late morning. We scramble out of our cars, thankful to be stretching out our limbs after our cramped riding positions. I wasn't in nearly as much pain as some of the taller guys who had to cram themselves in the backseat. I had ended up in the backseat on Jooheon's lap since I was the shortest and took up the least space. It was somehow both comfortable and awkward.

     After a few minutes of stretching, we set about unloading the two cars. Shownu leads the short walk to our camping spot. I pick up a surprisingly heavy box of food that's at least half my height. My short height and the weight of the box results in some slightly uncomfortable shuffling as I carry it but it's manageable. I pause for a moment to readjust my grip as I feel it begin to slip.

     "You know, you could have just asked for help," An amused voice comes from behind me. I glance back to see Wonho, some tents and chairs nestled in his arms.

     "No need. I can carry it," I smile brightly, my ponytail flipping over my shoulder as I continue my trek to the campsite. I take a moment to be glad I wore actual clothes as opposed to showing up wearing my swimsuit, especially considering all the heavy lifting.

     It takes 30 minutes to unload both cars and another hour to set up our campsite. The three tents are set up relatively close together but distant enough that if one tent decided to sleep early, the other ones won't keep them awake. This had been Shownu's request since he tends to like to sleep earlier than I.M and Hyungwon. The tents are quickly distributed out. Shownu, Wonho, and Kihyun have one tent. The next one is shared by Jooheon, Minhyuk and I. The last tent is J, Hyungwon, and I.M. J and I were supposed to share originally but she shut that down as quickly as they suggested it. She hates sleeping near me because I have a tendency to want to cuddle and she hates it. The cramped sleeping quarters make me a little nervous but I'm sure it'll be fine.

     "Do we want to start off with some beach sports and then go swimming or just start off swimming? There aren't many waves so we probably can't get any surfing done today," Shownu holds a bag in his right hand, a few badmitton rackets in the other.

     "I wouldn't mind some volleyball before we go swimming," Wonho suggests. Shownu and Wonho set up the net while we set up teams. It wouldn't be fair to put Shownu and Wonho on the same team so it's decided that Jooheon and I are with Wonho while Kihyun and Minhyuk are teamed up with Shownu. J and I.M wander of after declining to play and Hyungwon ends up as the score keeper.

     The beach we're on is an uninterrupted piece used specifically as camping groups. It's enclosed on both sides by cliffs and rock formations. I slip in to my tent to change into my swimsuit and my cover up before grabbing my camera bag and joining the boys. I set my bag in the shade by Hyungwon before joining my team. I pull at the edges of my yellow cover up shirt despite the fact that it reaches midthigh. Being surrounded by so many attractive, now shirtless, guys makes me a bit nervous.

     As the game starts, it's quickly learned that I am a disadvantage to my team. My short height and lack of athletic ability show their colors pretty quickly. I wasn't horrible but I certainly wasn't good. At the halfway mark, as we're taking a break, I excuse myself from the game. Wonho argued against it halfheartedly but I just smiled and waved him off, retrieving my camera bag.

     It not super hot yet, instead landing at a more comfortable and warm temperature. I can see I.M and J up on one of the cliffs bordering our camping spot. I attach a lens to my camera and snap a few pictures of them before turning my attention elsewhere. J's green and white polka dot two piece and white wrap skirt stand out well against the dark colors of the rock cliff.

     Part of me wishes I had sprung for one of those water proof cameras so I could get some underwater shots but I guess that's a goal for the future. I get caught up in my photography for a while, forgetting everything else. I wander up and down the beach, taking pictures of whatever catches my attention. I do manage to snatch some pictures of the boys before wandering to a different part of the beach. At some point, I discard my cover up and step in the water. It takes me a while to get the shots that I want but I'm able to take some abstract photos I love.

     I'm not sure how long I've been there when a warm hand slides across the bare skin of my stomach, pulling me back against a warm chest. I only have a moment to feel self conscious of my sunflower swimsuit bottoms and yellow swimsuit top. A piece of fabric trails down from the top to covers most of my stomach. I drop my camera in my surprise, suddenly glad I always wear the neck strap.

     "Hey baby," I freeze when I realize that the voice is unfamiliar. I scramble away from the form, landing on my butt on the sand at the edge of the water. A tall figure I don't recognize looks down at me, a grin on his face. I can't stop my instinctual fear. A second figure casts a shadow above me.

     "Are you okay?" This time, the voice is familiar. Jooheon helps me to my feet, his gaze on the man obviously confrontational.

     "I'm okay," My voice is almost a whisper. Jooheon nods at me, his eyes still trained on the man. Jooheon's hand rests on the bare skin of my stomach, comforting me.

     "Hey, sorry man. No harm done. She was separate from your group so I figured she was by herself," The guy raises his hands defensively. Jooheon's hand balls into a fist but it's me who steps forward, anger coursing through me.

     "That doesn't mean it's okay," My voice is a growl that surprises all of us. Despite the fact that I have to look up at him, I glare at him," You should never touch anyone without their permission. It doesn't matter if they're by themselves or with someone else. It doesn't matter if it's Jooheon or me."

     "Hey. Chill out, baby. It's not big deal, really," He tries to give me a charming smile but I'm livid at this point.

     "It is a big deal and this is private property so you should probably leave. Don't make me call the cops on you," I glower at him, my hands almost shaking with my anger.

     "Bitch, just shut the fuck up. Nothing happened so leave it the hell alone. Don't make me knock your fucking teeth out," His fingers close around my chin, digging into the skin.

      "Wanna say that again?" Jooheon's voice is low and dark. The grip on my chin is released and the guys steps away from me. His face flickers with discomfort before he replaces it with false bravado.

     "Yeah, whatever. You can keep the ugly bitch," He turns and stalks away. Jooheon moves to go after him but I place a hand on his chest and glance at him. His hand closes around mine.

     "Just let it go. He's not worth it," My free hand moves of its' own free will, rubbing up and down his arm soothingly. He finally looks at me, letting out a long breath.

     His hand, which is now at my waist, pulls me closer and his lips burn into mine. That fire and electricity is back again. We haven't slept together since that first night. His teeth dig gently into my bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth. A few moments later, he pulls away. My breathing is sped up and I struggle to slow my booming heartbeat.

     "Sorry," He murmurs. His large hand is still tangled in my hair. I step closer to him, my head resting on his collarbone as I wrap my arms around him. He tenses for a short moment but his arms wrap around me and hold me close.

     "I'm okay, I just need a moment to compose myself," I say softly, not leaving his embrace for a long moment.

     "You're shaking, babygirl," His lips are close to my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

     "There might be a few too many people around for you to be calling me by that name again, baby," My lips brush lightly against the underside of his jaw.

     "Maybe we can find time, later," His nose skims my jawline, and his lips meet mine again for a brief kiss.

     "Can you guys stop making out over there? You're making everyone else uncomfortable," J's voice is loud and causes a blush to spread across my cheeks. Jooheon smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

     "Cute," Jooheon finally steps away. I grab my swimsuit cover and we head back to the group. J and I.M seemed to have returned from their day on the cliffs and have started directing Shownu on where to place the bonfire. The stack takes a while to make but we're finished by the time the sun is starting to sink. It's not long until J and Hyungwon are dancing around the bonfire to music playing from Shownu's speakers. J has a large bottle of rum in her hand that she continually takes swigs from. The lighting is just enough for me to snag some aesthetic pictures without the flash. I almost slip into my headspace once again where I forget about everything other than my photography but Kihyun breaks me out of it.

     "You know, you can socialize outside of your camera, right?" Kihyun holds out a plastic cup of alcohol to me. I return my camera to it's bag and shut it in safely before taking the cup.

     "I just get caught up sometimes. I like the stories images tell," I sip the alcohol, feeling the familiar burn. I don't really drink that often but I have a decent tolerance, at least.

     "Did you take any pictures of me today?" His curiosity seems genuine this time.

      "Yeah. Here, I can show you," I set the cup in the sand and pull my camera back out. I look the gallery, finding the first one pretty quickly since I just took it a few minutes ago. His face is half in shadow, the fire light glowing on the other side. His expression is a quiet kind of thoughtfulness. The other picture takes longer to find. It's one from earlier in the day. He had just scored a point in volleyball. He's turned toward Minhyuk, a bright and happy smile on his face and the ocean silhouetting him to create a stark contrast against his dark hair. He gives me a genuine smile.

     "These are amazing," Kihyun moves to the next photo, looking at some nature photos and coming to a stop on a picture of Jooheon. He's laughing, his eyes closed into little crescent moon smiles of their own. Fire light dances across his tan skin, making the picture feel more like he's an ethereal being as opposed to a human.

     When I look back up, J is sitting in between Hyungwon and I.M and they're passing the bottle of rum back and forth. Shownu and Wonho seem to be having some kind of chugging contest as they drink cups of the punch that someone, I never saw who, threw together. It's pretty intense so I imagine it won't be long until they're both drunk. Jooheon sits near them, watching the contest and sipping his own drink, occasionally cheering on one or the other.

     Kihyun hands me back my camera and I tuck it back in it's bag after making sure that I've powered it off. I polish off my cup of punch and debate about whether I want another one or not. I always feel it in my head first, when I start drinking. The first cup, or shot, is always the worst. It's quite warm and the alcohol certainly isn't helping with that so I decide to take a quick dip in the water, since I hadn't gotten around to that yet.

     I step away from the warm fire and slip off my cover up, laying it with my camera. I slip off my flip flops as well, leaving those near the fire, and let my feet sink into the sand as I walk toward the water. The water feels slightly cooler with the sun down but it's still quite warm and I quickly make the decision to dive in once of the water is tall enough. I swim for a little while, letting the cool water warm my skin.

     I lay on my back, floating on the water as my hair floats in the water as a halo around my head. I float for a while, keeping an eye to make sure I don't get too far from the shore. I only stop floating when my head bumps into something and I see an upside down (by Jay Park, Loco, Simon Dominic, and Gray) Jooheon staring at me. I quickly right myself, standing up and blushing.

     His hands are warm against my water chilled skin, his forehead resting against mine. His nose skims mine, his breath warm on my cheek. I let out a small breath, my heart racing as his lips trace my cheek and then trailer along the shell of my ear, setting my nerve endings on fire. I shiver, my mind clearing of everything else as he breathes against my ear. It's always been a weak point for me and it makes my heart beat faster.

     "What is it about you," His question gives me pause. I'm not sure what he wants me to say. His lips ghost down the side of my neck, his arm wrapping tightly around my waist. His tongue slides along my collarbone, fogging my mind and almost making me forget his question. He finally puts me out of my misery and kisses me, his lips consuming mine. I had been desperate to kiss him ever since our kiss on the beach earlier.

     He pulls me close, moves us backward. A rough surface presses to my back. It must be the cliff but I'm too dazed to notice. I'm not sure how long we've been kissing when he finally pulls away. One of my hands is tangled in his hair and the other floats up and down his spine with feather like touches. One of his fingers is hooked in the bottom of my swimsuit but he shakes his head and removed it. Before I can feel hurt about him pulling away, he gives me a sweet smile.

     "You deserve better than me sleeping with you against a cliff face just so we can hide from our friends. I'll find us some time to sneak away somewhere and spend some time together," He lets out a long sigh and runs his fingers though my hair," Come on. Lets get back. I told Shownu I would put out the fire once I came and got you. We should probably sleep soon anyway."

     We make our way back to the beach. Everyone else seems to have separated into their tents, but there's a lot of sound coming from J's tent. I'm sure their still drinking and hanging out. I help Jooheon put the fire out and we slip into our tent. Minhyuk looks up at us groggily, obviously half asleep. I step outside of the tent for a minute after grabbing my bag to change in the nearby bathroom. It's basically a porta-potty and it's impossible to see but I manage.

     When I get back, I notice that Jooheon has laid out a sleeping bag for me. It's in the middle of the two of them but I can't help but notice it's slightly closer to him. I grab an extra blanket that I brought with me and lay on top of the sleeping bag. Jooheon gives me a questioning look. He's laying on his side, facing me.

     "I tend to toss and turn when I'm falling asleep, trying to get comfortable. It's hard to do that in a sleeping bag but it still creates a good cushion from the ground," I explain, adjusting my pillow so it's perfectly underneath my head and neck," Also, I should warn you that I apparently like to try to cuddle anyone nearby while I sleep so push me off if you need to."

     "Or, we could just skip a step and you could sleep over here with me," his voice is a quiet whisper. It doesn't take anymore convincing for me to shift the sleeping bag closer to him and drape us both in the blanket as I cuddle up to him, my arm around his waist and my head on his chest. His arm wraps around my waist and nuzzles his face into my hair for a second and then I'm drifting off to sleep.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think!

[artificialqueens]

Beach (Branjie) - Peridot

A/N: a very very angsty ‘slightly too long to be a drabble’ kind of drabble that’s essentially a bunch of beach metaphors that I started writing at the actual beach. It’s a little stream of consciousness and a little rushed, so sorry if it’s not perfect. Let me know what you think either here or on my new sideblog @artificialperidot (because I’m a dumbass and locked myself out of my old one). Hope you enjoy!

Jose used to love the beach.

They would go to the beach together every time they were in Florida, back at Jose’s family home. Jose liked showing Brock little parts of where he grew up, spilling his jar of memories to share with the person who was so special to him.

He would hold Brock’s hand and walk along the shore as he recited his favourite stories, tales from his childhood that made him feel like a little kid again, Brock’s goofy smile setting his heart alight. He loved nothing more than to walk beside him on the beach, showing everyone that Brock was his, and that he loved him and no one else. Even when Brock’s glance would leave his eyes and land on someone else, just for a second, he wouldn’t change a thing. Sure, it hurt a little, but Jose didn’t care. He loved him too much.

They would walk along the sand, soft and warm beneath their bare feet, and waves would lap over their skin, tethering them to reality and reminding them that they were alive.

He felt alive when he was with Brock. All it took was for Brock to be near him and Jose would forget about every worry in the back of his mind.

It’s not that he didn’t feel alive now. It’s that he felt too alive.

Each breath and heartbeat and blink felt too much, too heavy, like a sledgehammer to his already fragile heart.

He couldn’t remember a time when his heart wasn’t in his throat. He couldn’t remember a time when there was no buzz in his ears. He couldn’t remember a time when life was full of sunshine and beaches and Brock.

He could only remember the way it ended.

This isn’t going to work.

I can’t keep doing this.

I don’t love you anymore.

The last one. That one stung the most.

The words played on a loop inside his head for months afterwards, his thoughts consumed by nothing but Brock’s voice, drowning out any rational thought that suggested it was for the best.

And, Jose wished he could say he hated him.

But he couldn’t.

Brock was the sea. Cool. Refreshing. Calm. The perfect icy cold when everything was too hot, when the days felt too long and Jose needed somewhere to feel safe. Leaving the taste of salt and sweat and passion on Jose’s lips. The water sparkling like his sea green eyes, eyes that drew him in and made him never want to look away. Bubbling white foam providing a glimpse of hope, swirling on its surface and reassuring Jose that it would all be okay. Jose could float and relax and feel weightless with him.

But, Brock was the sea. Icy cold. Black. Dangerous. Full of flaws, like jellyfish that sting or piranhas that bite or long glances at other men that make Jose’s heart drop. The sting of saltwater like the tears in his eyes. The burn of salt at the back of his nose and throat each time he said his name. Each crashing wave going over Jose’s head, reminding him of how it all came crashing down before his eyes.

Jose knew he was in too deep. He needed Brock too much. He was so easily submerged by thoughts of him, him, him.

But on stormy days, Jose knew that the relationship was in danger. He felt himself being pulled under, unable to breathe and no way to stop himself from spiralling down.

The breakup should’ve been a breath of fresh air. But it only pulled Jose under even deeper.

He was drowning.

But, that didn’t mean that Jose didn’t like the sea. It didn’t mean that he didn’t love Brock.

Brock used to love the beach, too.

Whilst it was a far cry from his familiar Canadian landscape, there was something about the seaside that made him feel at ease. He hadn’t gone much as a kid, so it was Jose that truly introduced him to it. Brock loved nothing more than interlocking his fingers with Jose’s and letting him drag him along the shore, hearing his rough voice recite tales of his childhood, creating his own memories by listening to his.

The feeling of the sun beating down on his shoulders and the breeze on his skin and his hand holding Jose’s was something that Brock wanted to feel forever. It felt like he was weightless. It felt like he was flying. But most of all, it felt freeing.

Brock wished that he had always felt so free. But, like all good things in life, it didn’t last.

Being with Jose felt like being trapped.

That’s not to say that he didn’t love Jose. He did. He adored him. Jose was his first boyfriend, the first person to love him back, the first person he’d committed himself to.

And that’s where the problem lay. The commitment.

As much as he loved and needed Jose, he couldn’t be loyal. He couldn’t stop himself from catching someone’s eye, even though he loved Jose more than anything in the world. The guilt he felt when he found another person attractive could have easily broken him, and the look on Jose’s face when he noticed was enough for him to crumble like chalk.

He felt like an asshole. As much as Jose would try and deny it, he could see how much he was hurting him. And, he had every right to be hurt. Brock would tell him every day how much he meant to him, how he was beautiful, wonderful, perfect - but, thanks to him, Brock knew that he would never believe him.

The trust was well and truly broken.

And that’s why Brock ended things.

He felt like he couldn’t be free to look at whoever he wanted. He wanted to go and explore new horizons without feeling tied down.

And, more than anything, he didn’t want to hurt Jose anymore.

He had really tried to end it on good terms. Really tried.

This isn’t going to work out the way we want it to.

I can’t keep doing this to you.

He’d tried to string words together to make Jose understand, but he was so afraid of hurting him that he couldn’t do it. With every sentence came Jose’s own, explaining that he loved him no matter what and that it was all okay and that they could fix it. That it wasn’t over.

Brock knew Jose was in too deep. He was blinded. He couldn’t see that Brock wasn’t good enough for him, that he deserved the world and that Brock could only give him heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak.

And he ended it the only way he thought would make Jose stop fighting.

I don’t love you anymore.

It was a lie. It was the biggest lie he had ever told. The words tasted of bitter lemon on his tongue. The words played on repeat in his head like a curse. The words felt like a stab to the chest. He felt like a monster.

He’d tried to not hurt Jose. But he couldn’t have hurt him more if he tried.

Jose was the sand. Soft and warm like his hand holding Brock’s. Golden like his skin. Scattered with pebbles and shells, treasures of his personality that Brock loved more than anything, the things that made him Jose. He could bury him so easily, surrounding him with nothing but warmth and laughter and love.

Real love. A love that Brock couldn’t reciprocate.

Jose was the sand. Too hot, burning Brock’s feet. Gritty and sharp against Brock’s skin and sticking to him like glue, making him feel irritated and trapped and guilty whenever another guy crossed his mind. And yet, so easily crushed under Brock’s feet. So easily kicked aside, so easily swept away by the sea and replaced.

The sand and the sea are insoluble.

Jose’s commitment and Brock’s openness didn’t mix.

They were the sun. Warm. Strong. Burning bright. They shone together. The fans loved them, and they loved each other.

It should have worked.

But it didn’t.

They were the sand and the sea. They were too different.

They were the sun. They were on fire. They were burning.

And before they knew it hey were burnt out, and all there was left was smoke and ashes and broken promises.

Because everything good must come to an end.

Everything is fine until it burns.

[mind-reader1]

Fun in The Sun (Kai x M!Hayden)

This is for @meeraaverywalker‘s November prompt challenge Day 10: Beach Day

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,611

A/N: This is my first time writing for Hayden so I hope I did him justice! 

Kai and Hayden sat next to each other on the couch, both working on their computers and both of them seemed to be distracted. Kai kept stealing glances over at Hayden, he seemed focused on something on the screen, but it wasn’t his work. Following his gaze, she noticed that it seemed to be lingering on an ad, not just any ad though, an ad for beach vacation getaways. Fun for families of all ages, stuff for kids and adults, not that they had any kids or were thinking about them anytime soon, but Kai knew there was more to it.

Hayden never had a childhood, he didn’t get to have all the same experiences that Kai, Damien, and Nadia had, he just thought he had those memories, until that fateful night at Eros. After he found out he wasn’t human, he seemed to be adjusting okay, the truth was he had just gotten good at hiding his thoughts. His memories of his past were fuzzy, blurry faces with no names, feelings that he remembered but had never actually experienced.

“Hayden?” His eyes snapped back into focus as he looked at Kai, that warm familiar smile spreading across his lips.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” He grinned and wrapped an arm around Kai’s shoulder, pulling her into him.

“I’m sitting here with a beautiful woman in our apartment, why wouldn’t I be okay?”  She watched him closely, sure he was smiling at her, that dazzling thousand-watt smile, he was holding her close, but she could see in his eyes that wasn’t be honest with her. He hated worrying her and so he tried to bottle things up, keep them hidden from her until they came pouring out.

“Hayden, you’re thinking about your childhood again, aren’t you?” His smile faltered for just a second before he completely let it fall with a heavy sigh, dragging a hand down his face.

“I didn’t mean to, I just saw the picture of the beach and then I started dreaming of the sunshine, sand under my feet, your hand in mine, our fingers laced together, the water hitting our ankles as we walked. Then I saw kids playing in the sand, building castles, dashing off into the water chasing each other, for a second, I saw myself doing those things, but they faded away. I realized they weren’t real, I’d never done any of those things. I’ll never get to do those things.” 

Kai watched him and felt her heart constrict, she didn’t know how to comfort him, she didn’t understand, couldn’t relate because she did have a childhood and did have those real memories of summers on long island with Nadia. Goofing off, burying each other, building the ultimate sandcastles with moats, body surfing through the waves. She wanted Hayden to experience those things, that pure unbridled joy of not having a care in the world other than not getting caught by the person relentlessly chasing you or getting slammed by the wave that seemed to come out of nowhere.

As she wrapped her arms around Hayden’s side, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck, she got an idea. A lightbulb moment, tearing out of his grip, almost knocking her computer to the ground in excitement.

“Kai!” Hayden gently set his computer down and comforted Dipper who had woken up from her nap because of all the excitement. She had torn into the bedroom like a madwoman, he could hear her shuffling around and mumbling to herself, he was almost afraid to go look. She emerged a few minutes later, wearing a maroon bikini and black see-through cover-up. Hayden raised an eyebrow with a slight chuckle.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“You’re the one who’s always interested in a spontaneous adventure, it’s summer in New York. It’s 90 degrees out, put this on and I’ll get some drinks packed!” Hayden chuckled, clawing off the swim trunks she threw at him. He knew they needed to get work done, but he was actually excited to take the day off and go to the beach. That look in Kai’s eyes told him everything he needed to know, she had an idea and it was going to easily become one of the best days of Hayden’s life.  

He waited patiently on the couch as she packed a bag full of snacks, drinks, and something from the store. He didn’t even realize she had gone to the store, she was determined and had gone all stealth mode on him, Damien rubbing off on her during their Eros investigation.

“So, what now?” She shoved a bag into his arms smiling, her eyes sparkling with a mischievous twinkle as she headed towards to door.

“Now we go to the beach, and no peeking!” She turned back to see Hayden trying to dig through her bag of stuff.

They hailed a cab to Long Island beach and Hayden followed Kai who knew exactly where to go. She looked beautiful, her curly blonde hair tucked into an oversized sun hat, sunglasses covering her bright hazel eyes, and the small coverup barely covering her curves as she sashayed across the fiery sand. She laid out a blanket and plopped down on it, pulling Hayden down beside her who just smiled.

“Time for you to get the authentic beach experience.” She dumped the contents of her bag out revealing a bucket and some plastic shovels, even a few plastic molds.” Hayden grinned, thinking he knew what they were for, but still unsure.

“Authentic huh?”

“You said you wanted those memories so let’s make them!” She scooped up the toys and dragged Hayden off the blanket down towards the water where other kids were already playing in the sand.

“So, everyone knows the best sand to make a sandcastle with is wet sand. Not too wet to the point where it’s a soupy mess, but just wet enough so that it sticks together, so start digging!” She tossed Hayden a shovel, he glanced around at the other kids and saw them happily shoveling sand into their buckets, transporting it back to their friends on the edge of the dry sand, out of reach of the water. He started digging a little unsure at first, he felt strange being an adult with no kids just digging in the sand, but as he continued he began to care less and less what everyone else thought.

“What now? We’ve got all this wet sand.” Kai grabbed the bucket and dragged Hayden back from the water a little bit, packing the sand down into the bucket before turning it upside down. Hayden was mortified! They had just collected all that sand for Kai to dump it into a useless pile.

“Kai!” she let out a soft laugh and cupped Hayden’s cheek with her sandy hand, planting a gentle kiss on his lips.

“It’s okay Hayden. Watch.” She slowly picked the bucket up and he saw a perfect tower, she used her finger to dig a little hole and he watched the sandcastle come to life. A window on one side, multiple towers surrounding the base, they even dug a large trench around it for a moat. By the time they were done, Hayden sat back on his knees in awe, he had built a sandcastle. An actual sandcastle and he was proud of it, but exhausted and sweating from the sweltering New York sun.

“Is this what you and Nadia used to do as kids?” he asked, Kai, nodded and leaned against him.

“This and one other thing.” He looked at her waiting expectantly, noticing that mischievous gleam in her eye again, it was the one she always had after pulling a joke on their friends.

“What other thin-”

“Tag! You’re it!” She squealed, pushing him over into the sand and racing off towards the water, throwing her head back laughing as she ran. Hayden picked himself up and dashed after her, watching as she kept turning back. She hit the water and froze up, the shock of the cold, refreshing water hitting her.

“Ahhh!” Hayden took the opportunity to snatch her up in his arms.

“Got you!” She wrapped her arms around his neck, pleading with him not to carry her into the water, but he kept going, dunking them both under an incoming wave. When he came up, her hair was hanging around her face, the flattest he had ever seen it, all the gel out of his hair had left it looking like a wet mop on his head. Covering his eyes. She brushed the hair out of his face so she could gaze into his big blue eyes. That same smile from earlier on his face was there, but this time it was contagious, reaching his eyes with that special gleam in them. She leaned in for a kiss, tangling her hands in his hair, just as their lips brushed, a wave came crashing down on them, wiping them out. They broke apart underwater, both of them sputtering before breaking into a fit of laughter.

“It wouldn’t be an authentic beach day if you didn’t unceremoniously get taken out by at least one rogue wave.” Kai giggled, tangling her arms around Hayden’s neck again.

“Looks like I’ve finally got all those memories I wanted after all, and somehow they’re even better than I ever could have imagined, because of you.” They leaned in to kiss again, at the last second Kai broke away.

“The last one into shore is a rotten egg!” She teased, catching a wave and bodysurfing into shore, Hayden playfully rolling his eyes as he tried to catch up.

Tagging my finer things club (sorry ya’ll gonna be my guinea pigs for everything lol): @endlessly-searching-for-you​  @brightpinkpeppercorn​ @zaffrenotes​ @ooo-barff-ooo​ @likethetailofacomet​ @sleepwalkingelite​ @agent-bossypants​

[patton-croc-agenda]

Coral and Crowns (Ch.1/4)

A/N: Heyoo it’s me your local fic dealer here with a mer!royality fic bc those boys need more love damnit (me??? not writing logicality?? more likely than u think)

Specials thanks to: @pattonistooprecious my lovely beta, @impatentpending for letting me cameo her disaster lesbians, and the kids on the powerless discord server. Y’all wild.

Pairings: Royality

Words: 5,887

Warnings: Mentioned homophobia, mentioned/implied overbearing/emotionally distant parents

Next: Ch.2

Read it on Ao3

Roman Prince, despite being a hopeless romantic, did not fall in love easily. He’d faced enough heartbreak in his life to know when to teasingly flirt, and when to guard his heart away. He knew someday, he’d find the right person for him, but he doubted he’d meet them today. Hell, he doubted he’d meet them within this year. That was okay though, really, better to wait and find his perfect match then just go getting his heart broken by all the wrong people.

“YO! YOU GONNA JUMP OR NOT?” Roman ignored the voice behind him in favor of looking down into the water below. This was a popular cove for cliff-divers, with cliffs of all sizes lining the beach. Roman had been coming here his entire life, and had been jumping off cliffs into the ocean below for the same length of time. Taking a deep breath, Roman stepped back and prepared himself.

This particular cliff was rather dangerous, it was quite high up and the water below was surrounded by a small semicircle of rocks. It was dangerous, but Roman was a Prince.

He lived for danger.

Racing forward, Roman whooped and dove down, feeling the wind rush past his face, stinging his eyes and skin with salt carried up from the ocean. Roman closed his eyes as he made impact with the water.

Roman felt the warmth of ocean water engulf him as he slowly opened his eyes. He loved being underwater, loved the feeling of being hugged it gave him. His vision was slightly fuzzy, making him wish he’d brought his goggles. Sadly, goggles were terribly unfashionable, and as much as Roman wanted to see the bright colors of sea life, he wanted his dignity more.

Roman was about to swim up when he saw a blur out of the corner of his eye, a very large blur. Roman turned and saw...a boy?

He looked to be about Roman’s age, maybe a bit younger. He was poking out from behind a rock, so Roman couldn’t see his lower half, just his chest and arms and face. Not that Roman was complaining, as Mr. Stranger had a very pretty face. Dotted with freckles, with wavy brown hair floating around his head like a halo. He was wearing glasses, which was weird considering they were underwater, but Roman had seen people do so before and decided to not think much of it. He gave Roman a wide, sunshine grin before ducking behind the rock completely.

Roman was about to follow, but the pain in his lungs was a sharp reminder that he needed to resurface. Besides, people were still cliff-diving, and Roman didn’t want to get crushed by an unsuspecting jumper. He gave the rock one last look before kicking to the surface.

~~~~~

Roman’s hand rested on the door handle. He’d spent the entire day at the beach, and really needed to get home. He had to get ready for work tomorrow, as much as he hated it. Roman sighed and rested his forehead against the warm, red metal, closing his eyes. Just thinking about going to work, thinking about listening to customers whine loudly like mosquitoes while children screeched and ran wild in the background, gave him a headache.

Still, though, he couldn't help it. All of his job hunting had turned out to be fruitless, so he would continue to work retail until someone took pity on the high school dropout and gave him an honest shot. He needed the money, needed to find out how to get his GED and then maybe scrape together enough money for community college.

Roman inhaled through his nose and opened his car door, ready to face tomorrow. He paused, however, and remembered the boy from earlier. He’d been in the back of Roman’s mind all day. Roman knew he should go, should get some sleep for the headache that was tomorrow. Just like he knew the boy probably wasn’t even there anymore. Still...he couldn’t shake the feeling that overtook him. It couldn’t hurt to just look. Roman groaned and closed his car again, returning to the beach.

~~~~

Roman did not find the strange boy. He’d looked everywhere, from the water around the cliff he had first seen the boy, to the corners of the beach, to even a few closed food stands. Nothing. Roman didn’t know what he was expecting. Sighing, Roman glanced up at the setting sun and prepared to head back to his car. Again.

He froze when he heard a beautiful, soft, melody. He looked around, trying to find the source of the voice. It blended perfectly with the waves that crashed up along the sand, a haunting sound. Roman walked slowly towards the ocean, noticing a rock jutting out from the water. He often saw children climbing up on it during the day, and usually lifeguards would have to keep a close eye on it to make sure none were shoving each other off.

At the moment, however, there was only one person sitting on the large rock. The boy Roman had seen earlier, if those wavy locks were anything to go by. Roman could only see the upper half of his body as he slowly approached, glad he hadn’t changed back into his clothes as he waded out into the water and approached the large rock.

The boy kept singing softly, the sound echoing in Roman’s mind. He couldn’t make out any specific lyrics, just the boy’s lovely voice.

“Hey there,” Roman finally decided to make his presence known. The boy shrieked in surprise and fell forward off the rock, into the ocean. Roman scrambled up and looked down with wide eyes at the place the boy landed. The water bubbled for a moment, before the boy resurfaced, brushing his hair from his face.

“Oh my goodness!” the boy said, looking at Roman with wide eyes. He placed his hand against the rock, and when he pulled it away it was a blur. Something hit Roman in the chest and he looked down to see a rather bright colored starfish. He looked at the boy with a bewildered expression.

A sheepish grin, “you star-tled me!” Roman gaped slightly before a laugh escaped past his lips. He gently took the starfish and tossed it back into the ocean, laying across the large rock on his stomach and putting his chin over his crossed arms.

“So you’re beautiful, a talented singer, and make witty puns? I seem to have hit the jackpot,” Roman said smoothly. The boy’s cheeks turned bright pink, accentuating his freckled face as he giggled.

“Man, you’re a real charmer aren’t ya?”

“Of course. Now, would you happen to have a name, you handsome angel?” The boy tilted his head.

“I thought the term was handsome devil?”

“You seem far too sweet for that,” Roman winked. The boy titered again.

“Patton. I’m Patton Coral.”

“Ah, a beautiful name for a beautiful boy I see? I’m Roman, Roman Prince.” Patton snorted loudly and quickly covered his mouth. Roman raised a brow at him.

“Yes, yes. My last name is very funny, I know.”

“No, no, it’s not that! I guess it’s a sort of inside joke?” Patton said. Roman nodded.

“Well, I’d love to make some inside jokes with you someday. How about you and I grab coffee sometime?” Patton’s face fell and he looked at the water, swimming away from the rock slightly.

“I, um. I can’t, I’m sorry,” he fiddled with his fingers, looking truly upset. Roman’s face fell as well.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I just met you, and asked you on a date. That was awfully rude of me.” Patton looked at Roman again, quickly shaking his head.

“No! It’s not that at all! I just. I’m not really able to go many places other than home and the beach...strict parents and such. Which is totally unfair, since I’m not a child anymore!” Roman smiled softly and sat up, letting his feet trail through the water. Patton swam closer.

“I understand,” Roman ran a hand through his hair, “my parents never let me go out of their sight. I mean, until they kicked me out.” Patton’s expression grew surprised.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!”

“Nah, I’m over it now. They couldn’t handle the fact I like boys, so I say I’m better off without em anyway.” Roman shrugged. It was at least somewhat true, the sting of being kicked out dulled a lot over the past six years. Not entirely though. He couldn’t expect it to ever, truly.

“Still, that’s awful. I’m real sorry you had to deal with that. Parents should accept their children, not shun them,” Patton put his hand over Roman’s. It felt weirdly warm and dry considering it had been previously underwater.

“Thanks, Pat.” Patton nodded before suddenly ducking into the ocean, hardly making a ripple. Roman was genuinely concerned he’d been pulled down due to how sudden it was and peered down, trying to see him.

He resurfaced suddenly, knocking foreheads with Roman. They both winced back, rubbing where they’d been hit.

“Sorry!” Patton finally said, holding out a shell. Roman frowned, slowly taking it.

“Thanks?”

“I heard if you put these up to your ear, you can hear the the ocean. I thought it’d be a good gift from me...considering everything,” Patton looked a bit nervous, “and if you want we can meet here same time tomorrow? The shell can be a reminder of sorts.” Roman couldn’t help the wide, hundred watt grin from growing on his face.

“I love it,” he said, because he did. He really, truly loved it. Still, he felt as though he needed to give Patton something in return. He felt inside the pockets of his swim trunks, before remembering something else.

Clipped onto the belt loop (though he had no clue why these swim trunks needed a belt loop) was a pocket knife Roman had bought a few years ago. He never really needed it, but enjoyed having it on him anyway. He unclipped it and handed it to Patton.

“Oh, no! Roman I can’t take this!” Patton shook his head, but his eyes sparkled with obvious interest. Roman winked and curled Patton’s fingers around the knife, pushing it towards him.

“I insist. You gave me a gift, so here is one for you. Just carry it with you, and if I ever need it back, I’ll just ask.” Patton seemed to consider the offer for a heartbeat before he nodded.

“Thank you so much, Roman! It’s beautiful.”

“I could say the same about the gift you gave me, or you, for that matter,” Roman smiled. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Patton grinned and gave Roman the cheesiest wink he’d ever seen.

“Of course, Mr. Prince.”

~~~

Roman never realized how lonely he was until he’d been seeing Patton for about a month. July melted into August, but despite the slight drop in temperature Roman had yet to see his friend(? Boyfriend? They certainly flirted, but Roman wasn’t sure where their relationship stood) out of the water. Whenever he tried to ask him about it, however, Patton seemed to dodge around the question, swimming back away from Roman, and despite his curiosity, Roman was far too scared of losing his only friend to any sharp realities that would come with confrontation.

So instead, Roman would sit on the rock and watch as Patton swam and laughed, and the pair would talk for hours until Roman had to head home. They enjoyed each other’s company, and Roman trusted Patton more than he’d trusted anyone in years, despite all his secrets.

They’d gotten into a routine, with Roman coming out and sitting on the rock for about five minutes before Patton would appear seemingly out of nowhere and the two would begin wherever they last left off. Not today, though. The second Roman stepped out into the water, he saw Patton’s pop up next to their meeting rock. He was laughing, giddy, and excited.

“ROMAN!” Patton squealed, swimming in circles. Roman laughed, rushing and stumbling out to the rock. He almost didn’t make it, as Patton continued to swim circles around him.

“What’s up Patt Patt?” Excited to see me?” Roman teased lightly, collapsing onto the rock. Patton swam over, resting his arms on the tops of Roman’s knees. Roman forgot how to breathe for a half a second.

“I am, I am! Guess what guess what guess what?!” Roman laughed again, smiling at Patton.

“Hm, well I haven’t a clue. You seem so excited, why don’t you just tell m-”

“I CAN GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!” Patton cut him off, flailing his arms wildly. Roman’s heart flat out stopped in his chest. He hoped Patton knew CPR, because he was gonna die otherwise.

“You can?!”

“YES!”

“OH, PATTON, MY WONDERFUL COMPANION,” Roman was excited now too, standing up and twirling dramatically. He crouched down and took Patton’s hands in his own, they were both pink in the face and laughing with pure delight and excitement.

“When will I be able to take you out then, my beautiful Starfish?”

“Is now okay?” that took Roman by surprise a bit, but he hadn’t done improv before he dropped out of highschool for nothing. He masked any shock with a sincere grin and eagerly jumped into the water with Patton.

“Of course! Off we go!” Roman didn’t let go of Patton’s hands as he swam to shore, afraid he would lose him if he did. However, Patton ended up pulling his hands back anyway, causing Roman to turn to him curiously.

“Just gimme one second! Can I meet you at your…” Patton paused, brow furrowing.

“My car?”

“Yes! That! Sorry, you know how sometimes you know a simple word but it still slips your mind?”

“Yes! God, I hate that. I’ll see you there though.” Roman said, jogging out of the water. He walked backwards most of the way, trying to watch Patton for as long as he could before he finally vanished over a hill. Roman inhaled deeply, turning around so he wouldn’t run into anything; he’d already narrowly missed a tree.

He finally found himself sitting in the driver’s seat in his car, fiddling with his keys. Each passing minute felt like hours, and Roman felt like Patton must’ve changed his mind after fifteen torturous minutes of waiting, Roman finally started feeling a niggling doubt. Like maybe Patton had changed his mind. Maybe he was just trying to get Roman to leave so he could escape. Maybe-

THUNK!

“JEE MENETI!” Roman gave a high-pitched shriek, covering his face his arms. He looked up to see Patton, fumbling with the door handle of the passenger side. Roman let out a relieved sigh, unsure if it was because he saw that his car wasn’t being assaulted by mothman, or because Patton hadn’t ditched him after all. Probably both.

Roman leaned over and opened the door for him, grinning as Patton stumbled back. It was the first time he’d seen Patton below the waist (not that he’s really thought about it- honest!), and he had rather scrawny and pale legs compared to the rest of his body, as if he didn’t walk quite as much as he should. He was also wearing sparkly blue swim trunks that were covered in sequins that looked almost like fish scales.

Patton beamed at Roman, but it didn’t quite match the nervous look in his eyes. Still, he slowly lifted one leg, swaying as he did so, and stepped up into the car. He collapsed into the seat, letting out a relieved little sound. Roman chuckled.

“Too used to swimming to handle a little walk?” he joked. Patton gave him a playful glare, watching as Roman buckled up. He attempted to do the same, but obviously struggled. Roman had an inkling suspicion that Patton had never been in a car before, but he wasn’t going to say anything. After all, he never thought he’d get the chance to even take Patton anywhere.

“Alright, where did you want to go for this date?” Roman asked, turning to look at Patton as he put his keys into ignition. Patton shrugged helplessly.

“I figured you’d have something planned,” Roman snorted, backing out and away out of the parking lot.

“Well, this is pretty sudden, but I do have one idea,” he said. He suddenly realized something, as he looked over at Patton.

“Uh. Did you have like, at least a shirt or anything? I have one in here, but that would mean I’d end up shirtless.” Patton gave Roman a sort of confused look.

“Do I need one?” Patton asked, sounding genuinely surprised. Roman shrugged helplessly.

“Not technically? I’ll just stop by my house real quick and grab an extra one. We could see if any of my pants fit you too,” Roman started driving the familiar path home. He didn’t really live far from the beach, and it would only be a 10 minute walk if he so chose, but Roman often just headed to the beach right after work, and didn’t feel like stopping at home first. He parked at the front of his apartment, looking over at Patton, who was struggling to unbuckle.

“Were you planning to come in?” Roman asked, surprised. He had planned to just run in and grab a shirt and extra pair of pants. Patton looked at him innocently.

“Is that okay?”

“Y- yeah of course,” Roman said, secretly dreading the idea. He was sure Patton wouldn’t mind, not really, but he couldn’t help but feel self conscious as they stepped off the elevator- which seemed to terrify and fascinate Patton in equal regards- and he unlocked his door.

“You live here?” Patton asked, looking around. Roman internally cringed, looking at the mess of clothes, papers, and takeout boxes littering the room.

“Yeah. Sorry about the mess, I would’ve cleaned if I knew you were coming over,” Patton gave him a funny look.

“I don’t mind the mess, though, I think my friend Logan would lose it. I’m just sad you have to live in such a small space.” Roman frowned. First at the mention of this ‘Logan’, the only friend Patton had really mentioned so far. Secondly, at that implication of Patton’s words. Sure, his apartment was pretty small, but it wasn’t miniscule. In fact, many apartments in the area were around this size. He had to wonder where Patton was living that being in an average-sized apartment made him pity Roman’s living space.

“It’s not too bad,” Roman said instead, not wanting to cause Patton to clam up like he usually did talking about personal information. “C’mon, my room is this way.”

The two headed into Roman’s room, and Roman pulled open a drawer, glancing at Patton. He was about a head shorter than Roman- a fact he was only now noticing now that they were standing next to each other on even ground- so he pulled out a pair of khaki shorts and tossed them to Patton, followed by a pale blue polo. Patton pulled them on. The shirt went down to his butt, and the khakis were slipping down his hips. Patton hasility tried to keep them up, and Roman couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him, earning him a playful glare.

“Here, allow me to help you, my starfish,” Roman picked up a belt from the floor and slipped it through the belt loops, threading it all the way around. At one point, he felt his fingers brush the bare skin along Patton’s hips and he had to fight off his blush. Said blush wasn’t helped by how squirmy and giggly Patton was as he attempted to finish buckling the damn thing.

“Right, there you are,” Roman smiled, “now, could you step out for a second? I’m gonna take my swim trunks off so I can put on some more form-fitting attire. Patton nodded, bouncing out of the room. Roman changed as quick as he could, and ended up adding some sparkly eyeshadow at light speed. A lifetime of sleeping in late as he could and getting ready within five minutes really paying off.

He opened the door and looked out, seeing Patton sitting on his kitchen counter, staring thoughtfully at the floor. Roman walked over, leaning on the counter next to him. Patton looked up at him.

“Ready to go, then?” Roman inquired. Patton gave an excited nod, sliding off the counter and taking one last look around.

“We can come back later...if you like?” Patton smiled at him again, leaning closer. Roman felt his heart skip.

“We’ll see,” Patton murmured, pulling back and heading out the door. Roman fought down his disappointment as he followed.

Back down the elevator, out to the car, and they were finally ready to get on with this whole date thing. Roman subtly tried to wipe the sweat from his palms on his jeans as he put the key in ignition, setting course for his favorite restaurant. He thought some music would help soothe his nerves, so he flicked on the radio, making Patton jump in surprise. His gaze went from shocked to starry eyed, as he leaned forward and began to hum along to the tune. Roman swore he’d never get sick of that haunting voice that lured him to Patton weeks ago.

The drive was relatively silent aside from the quiet humming of Patton matching the radio, but it was a peaceful kind of silence. Not the bitter silence of his parents ignoring him whenever he messed up.

“Here we are,” Roman forced himself out of his own thoughts, parking the car. Patton pulled his attention from the radio, beaming at Roman with that wonderful smile of his. Roman’s heart melted a little. He unbuckled himself, and sneakily undid Patton’s seatbelt as well so he wouldn’t have to fumble with it again, before stepping out of his car and opening the passenger side door.

Patton gave him a smile, complete with light pink blush on the cheeks, and took the hand Roman offered him. Roman kept Patton’s hand in his own, which Patton seemed to appreciate if the way he trailed his thumb across his knuckles was any indication. Roman tried not to shudder at the featherlight touch as he grabbed the door and pulled Patton inside, causing his date to stumble a little.

“Woah…” Patton stared, taking in the large space in awe. The entire area was dimly lit, with all the the tables and booths lining the walls, leaving a large, empty space at the center of the building. Roman felt a tiny nervous coil in his belly, but it faded as Patton squeezed his hand and started making his way to one of the booths.

“This place sure is nifty, Ro!” Patton poked the seat before hesitantly sliding in. Roman slid in on the other side, beaming at Patton. A few other couples and families were scattered about, chatting softly. Patton continued to look around, kicking his legs excitedly. Roman chuckled and hesitated a moment before wrapping his leg around one of Patton’s. The man in question squeaked in surprise, turning red. Roman tried to pull back.

“Oh I’m so so-,” Patton wrapped both of his legs around Roman’s in a death grip, flushing even more. Roman grinned, feeling his own face heat up.

“S-so there’s a lot of empty space. Wh-” Patton started. He was cut off as a woman with a long, thick braid approached their table.

“Howdy, fellas. My name’s Katrina, and I’ll be takin’ ya boys’ orders tonight. I’ll be back in a few to getcha’ drinks, aright?” Roman and Patton nodded. She left, and Roman reached over to pick up a menu. Patton mimicked him.

“So...that empty space?” Patton asked again.

“Oh, yeah, there’s a reason for that. You’ll see,” Roman winked. Patton’s face morphed into one of sheer curiosity.

The waitress- Katerina- came back, and the pair ordered their drinks (with Patton somehow struggling with what he wanted, even though he ended up just getting water). They made small talk for a bit, getting to know each other even better. Bit by bit, Roman felt his feelings towards Patton shifting towards the most positive he’d ever felt towards another human being. Drinks were delivered, and Patton set his menu down and placed his elbows on the table, staring at Roman, who laughed.

“What’re you looking at, Pufferfish Pat?” he asked, sipping his drink. Patton smiled softly.

“You’re so pretty,” Patton said. Roman choked on his drink.

“Wha- You mean that?” Roman asked. Patton nodded.

“Oh yeah,” he started, eyes sparkling with mirth, “you’re a turtle knockout.” Roman blinked a couple times, processing what had just been said.

“Was- was that an ocean pun?”

“Oh, Roman, haven’t you heard? I’m cray-sea about ocean puns. In fact, I bet you’d be more shell-shocked if I didn’t make all these puns. They don’t always happen on porpoise, but those accidental puns shore brighten my day at least!” Roman was clutching his stomach laughing. He didn’t even care that the puns were stupid, or that people were staring at them. It didn’t matter because Patton looked so proud of himself. It didn’t matter because Roman was having a good time. It didn’t matter because he lo-

“Are ya boys ready to order?” Katrina asked, pulling a pencil from behind her ear. Roman glanced at the menu one more time.

“I’ll take the spaghetti dish,” Roman said. He looked over at Patton, who was frantically shifting his gaze from the menu to the waitress. Roman decided to save him, carefully taking the menu from him.

“My date will just take a personal cheese pizza,” Katrina smiled.

“Gotcha, sugar. Enjoy ya date,” she gave the pair a wink and hurried off to the kitchen. Patton started to run his finger along the rim of his glass, humming the soft tune to himself he’d first sang the day Roman met him.

“Does that song have lyrics?” Roman asked. Patton’s gaze flicked up. The dim lights reflected in his gaze, making them look so, so blue. As if the ocean were a permanent staple of his gaze.

“Yeah. My friend Virgil wrote it,” so Patton did have multiple friends then. He kept running his finger across the rim of the glass and took a deep breath:

“Hush, sweet prince, rocked by the waves

Feel your heartbeat echo for days.

If you ever feel scared, alone

Let this melody carry you home.

Sweet prince of coral

Sweet prince to soon be crowned

Let my song be a guidance

Whenever you’re down”

Roman stared at Patton. His hair shining, soft. His eyes closed and concentrated. He was beautiful.

“That was beautiful,” Roman said. Patton opened an eye.

“Really? I’m like the worst singer I know,” Patton laughed humorlessly. Roman took Patton’s hand in his own, causing him to flick both eyes open.

“Well, I thought it was beautiful.” Patton blushed.

The moment was ruined as Katrina threw the pizza down in front of Patton, causing him to jolt back in surprise. She threw the spaghetti too, but somehow it didn’t spill everywhere like Roman had expected, which required perfect skill and aim. Needless to say, Roman was impressed.

“Enjoy, boys. Y’all might wanna hurry. It’ll be seven o'clock soon.” Patton looked up from where he was curiously sniffing his pizza.

“What happens at seven?”

“Did ya boyfriend not tell ya, pardner?” Patton opened his mouth, turning bright red, and looked at Roman helplessly.

“It’s a surprise,” Roman assured her. She smiled at that.

“Hell of a surprise, there.”

“He’ll love it.”

“Whatever ya say pumpkin. Enjoy your meal,” she walked off, and Roman turned back to see Patton had practically inhaled over half of his pizza when he hadn’t been looking.

“Hungry?” Roman laughed in mild shock. Patton looked up at him, tomato sauce smeared all over his face.

“Roman. Roman, listen. Listen, okay? This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my entire life.” He took another bite, swallowing what looked like half a slice at once.

If it were anyone else, it would be disgusting. However, Patton seemed to make everything endearing. Roman could stare at him forever and probably still be satisfied. Well, that might not be true. He might want to do more than stare. At one point Patton had released his leg from its prision between his own, so Roman reversed the situation. Patton paused eating to look at him before continuing.

Roman decided it was time to eat his own food before Patton started scolding him about it (it seemed like something he’d do) and got halfway through his pasta before he heard the current background music halt and Katerina’s southern drawl came through a hidden speaker.

“Hey y’all. It’s seven o’clock. You know what that means,” Roman grinned, grabbing Patton’s hand. Patton looked at him, eyes wide. An upbeat, funky tune began to blast at a much louder volume then before.

“Remember, you asked what the big empty space was for?” he pointed to the center of the restaurant, where couples and families were starting to dance. Patton looked at Roman again, eyes wide with mild terror.

“I- I can’t dance Roman!” Roman took both his hands in his own and yanked him over to the dance floor.

“Of course you can, my sweet seashell! Everyone can. The only thing in question is how bad you are.”

“I’m awful,” Patton deadpanned. Roman scoffed.

“C’mon, I’ll lead!” Roman broke away from Patton to do a fun little jig. That made Patton less tense, if only a little.

He took Patton’s hands again, “And we’ll go slow…” he reassured. Patton bit his lip and looked at his shoes. A pair of old sneakers Roman had given him.

“Okay…”

The two did indeed go slow. It was horribly off tempo, and Patton stumbled and fumbled about every five seconds. Still, they were laughing and smiling. Occasionally lifting their gazes from their shoes to look into each other's eyes. Another song began, and Roman saw Katrina swing dancing with a pretty woman wearing a mint green hijab. Roman attempted to lead Patton in a similar dance, but he ended up almost toppling over and Roman managed to save him in a dip.

The second song faded into the third, and Roman knew it would be the last one of the evening. It was a slow song, and Roman smiled as he carefully adjusted Patton’s grip so they could waltz. Despite how clumsy Patton still was, despite the fact they were both not wearing anything particularly fancy, the moment felt right out of every romantic movie Roman had ever seen. He leaned forward.

“Patton,” he whispered. Patton blinked, dark lashes fluttering.

“Yes, Roman?”

“Can I-” the song ended, “-can I…”

“Roman?”

“It...it’s getting late. I should get you home before your parents worry.” Disappointment flashed in Patton’s eyes, but Roman elected to ignore that in favor of heading out into the cool evening air.

He heard the door open and close and felt Patton walk over to stand next to him. They said nothing, glancing at one another out of the corner of their gazes. Crickets chirped around them, and Roman turned to his car, climbing in. Patton managed to buckle up with minimal struggle this time.

The ride was silent, tense. Roman didn’t turn on the radio. Patton shifted to face the window. When Roman looked over, he saw something stormy forming on his face reflected in the glass. He swallowed nervously and turned his view back on the road. The second he pulled into the beach’s parking lot he heard Patton unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Patton...I-” he turned just in time for Patton to grab him by the collar of his shirt.

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“What? I-”

“Roman.” Roman licked his lips, gaze flickering across Patton’s expression. His throat was dry.

“Yes,” it was a whisper, barely there. Patton leaned until there was hardly a silver between their lips. Until Roman could feel the phantom of his lips moving.

“Then kiss me,” he breathed.

Roman lunged forward burying his hands in Patton’s hair and closing that tiny gap. It was a bit too wild for how close they were already, and their teeth clacked painfully, but Roman didn’t care. He didn’t care, because once the initial sting was gone, the mix of sweet-saltiness of Patton’s lips overwhelmed his senses. Roman pulled back, sucked in a large gasp of air, and went right back in.

It was as if someone had made sweet tea with ocean water. Which sounds extremely gross in concept, but it fit Patton so well that Roman couldn’t get enough. Patton took their next breath as an opportunity to stumble-climb over into Roman’s lap, sliding his hands down to Roman’s hips before he pulled Roman back into the waves of dizzy delight all over again.

Roman pulled back. Patton tried to follow, but Roman put his hands on his chest to pause him.

“Be my boyfriend?” he gasped out, breathing hard.

“Shell yes.”

“Fantastic pun, darling,” Roman fisted the front of Patton’s shirt and kissed him again.

Roman was starting to wonder how long this blessing from on high that was making out with his new boyfriend Patton Coral could last, when Patton suddenly yelped and pulled back.

“Oh, God, are you alright?” Roman asked. Patton stared straight through Roman, pulling his hands back.

“I can’t feel them anymore…” he whispered. Roman took Patton’s wrists, alarmed.

“Can’t feel what anymore?” Patton snapped back into focus.

“I- I have to go,” he tried to pull his hands away. Roman was tempted to hold on, to never let go, but considering the implications of that he released him anyway.

“Patton…”

“I’m sorry Roman. I really, really have to go. I- I promise. Next time we talk I’ll explain everything,” he cupped Roman’s cheek, expression tender. Roman swallowed and nodded.

“Okay... I trust you, Starfish,” Patton smiled sadly and pressed his forehead against Roman’s.

“See you later,” with that, Patton opened the door and stumbled out. Roman was tempted to help him, especially when he continued to wobble, but Patton looked back at him with a pleading expression as he mouthed the word, “don’t”.

So Roman simply watched his boyfriend disappear over the crest of the hill. He sat a little longer, itching to follow. Itching to make sure he got home. Itching to see where home was, exactly.

But he didn’t, because when it came to grand adventures, Roman was the bravest man alive. Yet, with people he cared about, he was a coward. He would do the wrong thing a thousand times over to avoid losing the trust of another person he cared about.

So instead of following, Roman put the key in ignition and backed out. He didn’t follow Patton down to the beach, where he finally collapsed in the sand. He didn’t watch as he dragged his now useless lower half to the salty sea- the place he called home.

He didn’t hear Patton’s relieved sigh cut off in a scream as invisible claws dragged him under without so much as a ripple left in his place.

General Writing Taglist:  @angeliclogan @pattons-constellations@amuthefunperson @tatergator27@honeycoloredcorduroy@1esor2 @that-royal-ravenclaw@sardonicsanders@iridescentroyalty @sheeparecutest @pathos-logical

Royality Royalty: @notveryglittery

Discord Hell Friends: @crystrifoglio @verge-of-a-breakdown @why-things-go-boom @moralitytime @impatentpending

[darling-cas]

The Lonely: Chapter 1

Summary: High school sucks. Being a teenager is tough. But that’s expected, isn’t it? Teens only care about parties drinking, and sex, right? If only it was that easy. Welcome to High school, a living hell. Where everyone is actually lonely as fuck. No matter where they stand on the social ladder. Edied by: @ilikebigbooks-and-icannotlie

Warning: This fic deals with sensitive material.

Previous Chapter || Next Chapter || Masterlist

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She stood where the land met the water - where the living met the haunted. The sand was soft, wet, a comfort between her toes. The water was cold, brutal, an ugly awakening to not forget - never forget.

She welcomed the water. Welcomed the waves as they lapped against the shore, against her feet, against her legs. It was a reminder of how cruel the world truly was. It kept her aware of the pain, telling her it would never go away.

There was nothing she could do to make it go away.

She took in a breath, deep and long. She allowed the cold fresh air, the smell of salt water, to fill her up. To grip her heart, her soul. To chill her bones and bury itself in her skin.

Tilting her head back, her hair fell over her shoulders as her gaze got lost in the grey sky.

It was the only colour she saw those days. Her whole world had been tainted, painted in hues of grey and black and white. The colour and life of her world, gone. Sucked down the drain, spinning round and round and round until it had vanished.

But like everything else, she welcomed it. She opened her arms to the shadows, as if they were an old friend. She didn’t fight it, didn’t want to, for what was the point?

The water washing over her toes grew colder, harsher. Yet, her gaze stayed on the sky, looking but not seeing. She couldn’t move, or didn’t want to, it didn’t matter either way.

The water inched higher and higher, climbing at a tedious pace past her toes. But she stood there, simply breathing in the air around her once more, eyes closed.

She felt the water’s savage hand wrap its claws around her ankles. She lost herself in the feeling, the sensation. She did nothing to stop it, to halt its movements, and she relished in the relief that washed over her as the grip tightened. As it pulled her under the water. The cold completely took over and she was going down and down and down...

- Colourless.

--------------------

Aelin couldn’t suppress her yawn as she navigated through the hallway. It was her own fault really. There was no one to blame but herself. She was the one up until the early hours of the morning working on a new blog post. When she finally did get to sleep, she had to force her ass out of bed not four hours later to get up for school.

Somehow, she did it. She’d managed to get up, do her hair and make-up, and put together a coordinated outfit. She managed to race downstairs, and bid Uncle Gavriel goodbye, before jumping into Aedion’s truck and heading off to school. She did it. Somehow.

Another yawn escaped and Aelin was already counting down the minutes until she could go home and nap. Never mind the fact that she had a full day of classes ahead of her.

It was going to be a long ass day.

She continued to walk through the crowds of students - Aedion had long ago left her to go meet up with the boys - before finally coming to a stop against the lockers, just as she let out another yawn.

“Why good morning, sunshine.” Lysandra’s smile was blinding, eyes travelling from the brown boots on Aelin’s feet up to her tired face. “You look like crap. But at least your outfit is cute.”

“One, fuck off,” Aelin retorted, leaning against the cool metal of the lockers with crossed arms. “Two, my outfits are always cute.”

A chuckle and a mumbled “whatever” was Lysandra’s only response as she took the last of her books out of her locker. She glanced in the mirror taped to the inside, fixing her hair over her shoulder before slamming the locker shut.

“So, there’s a party this weekend.” Lysandra spun towards Aelin, adjusting her bag on her shoulder as she smiled.

“And?” Aelin raised an eyebrow. “There’s a party basically every weekend.”

Lysandra’s own gaze narrowed, clearly annoyed with Aelin’s lack of enthusiasm. But she couldn't help it. She was so damn tired. Plus, her last blog post took a lot out of her mentally. It was good, her best yet, but it had drained her.

Before Lysandra could so much as open her mouth, however, a pair of arms suddenly wrapped themselves around Aelin’s waist, squeezing her tight.

“Sam!” Aelin exclaimed, squirming in his arms to try and get away, though her voice did lack the bite and annoyance she was going for. “Fuck off and let me go!”

A deep chuckle sounded behind her as Sam’s arms unwrapped themselves from her waist.

“Hello to you too.” Sam stepped around Aelin, hands shoved into his jean pockets, deep brown eyes sparkling with amusement. “Beautiful morning, isn’t it ladies?”

Aelin’s glare was deadly. Sam threw his hands up in surrender as Lysandra chuckled.

“Careful Sam. She’s in a biting mood this morning.”

“I think I can take her.” Sam’s gaze flicked from Lysandra back to Aelin, a smirk on his lips.

“I hate you both,” Aelin mumbled, a yawn escaping her once more.

“What were you doing last night?” Sam asked, amusement fading slightly as concern took over. “Did you stay up all night working on that English paper?”

Aelin nodded slowly, guilt gripping her bones for the little white lie. But just as fast as it was there, it was gone again.

Her blog was her safe haven, her comfort. There was a reason she kept it a secret. She didn’t want them to know - didn’t want them to see the words she longed to say but couldn’t.

“You push yourself too hard sometimes,” Sam spoke softly, concern now completely coating his features.

Aelin couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “I can take care of myself, thank you.”

Turquoise-gold eyes clashed with deep brown ones. Aelin held Sam’s gaze, not daring to break first. He was always looking out for her, always there when she needed him, and she was grateful. But she didn’t need a babysitter.

“So,” Lysandra cleared her throat, drawing Aelin’s attention away from Sam. Though she could still feel his gaze on her. “Party this weekend. We going?”

Sam huffed, finally looking away from Aelin to raise an eyebrow at Lysandra. “Is that even a question?”

“Where is this party?” Aelin asked, hoisting her bag farther up her shoulder

“Fenrys and Connall’s,” Lysandra explained as the warning bell for class rang. “Their parents are out of town for the weekend.”

“It’s gonna be wild, then,” Aelin said with a wicked smile. “I’m down.”

Sam nodded in agreement. “Me too.”

“Great!” Lysandra smiled, clapping her hands together. “I was already talking to Nehemia about it and she said she’ll come too and be the DD.”

“Of course you did.” Sam let out a deep chuckle, shaking his head slightly before stepping back. “I have to head to Bio now. We’ll talk about this more at lunch?”

“Sounds good,” Lysandra nodded, clearly satisfied that they gave her the okay for the party. Not that it should have been a surprise, they always went to parties.

Sam’s eyes turned back to Aelin, burning into her soul. She felt naked before him when he looked at her like that. The intensity of his gaze awakened something in her, in the pit of her stomach. She could feel the bond between them, the bond of their friendship, start to blur. Just like it always did when his stare was so fierce. Like there was nothing else that mattered in the world but her.

It exhilarated and horrified her to no end.

“See you later?” It came out as a question. But what a silly question for him to ask. They had been side by side since they were five. Of course he would see her later.

Even still, Aelin nodded her head and spoke in a cool voice, “See you later.”

Something flashed behind Sam’s eyes, something so quick and barely there that Aelin couldn’t read it. He simply looked between both girls once more before heading off down the hall, a sea of people swallowing him whole.

Aelin and Lysandra started making their way towards class not moments later. The whole time, Lysandra was rambling on about the party or some drama happening within the school lately. But Aelin couldn’t bring herself to truly listen to any of it. She was too tired and cursing herself for not getting more than about five hours of sleep the past few nights.

“A.” Lysandra’s hand on Aelin’s arm pulled her from her thoughts. Aelin hadn’t even realized that they had reached class and were settling into their seats.

She cut her gaze to Lysandra, who was watching her with narrowed brows.

“I’m going to ask you if you’re okay and please don’t throw a pencil at my eye,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Aelin pulled her books out of her bag with an eye roll before looking back at Lysandra. “You and Sam worry too much sometimes.”

“Yeah, because we love you,” Lysandra pointed out plainly.

“Of course you do.” Aelin’s smile turned deadly as she flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “Everyone loves me.”

“You’re obnoxious.”

“And yet, you love me.”

“I take it back, I actually hate you.”

Aelin allowed her own laugh to leave her lips. She blew a kiss in Lysandra’s direction, causing the brunette to give her the finger just as their calculus teacher walked into the room.

Everyone quickly died down as class started up. But not even a few minutes into the boring lecture, the hairs on the back of Aelin’s neck stood up. She could feel a set of eyes on her, burning through her.

She looked over her shoulder, glancing at the hooded figure in the back corner.

Glancing back at Rowan Whitethorn.

She didn’t know what she had ever done to Rowan to make him hate her so much. He had moved to Rifthold a few years back and before she had even spoken to him, he had already come to the conclusion that she was a waste of his time. Not that she minded. He was a thorn in her side just as much as she was to him.

In class, he was doing what he always did. He was staring at her with an icy look of complete hatred. His black hood was up, hiding his short white hair and casting his face in shadow. But Aelin could still see his eyes. They were green, intense, and caused a fire to course through her veins. Caused anger to pool in the pit of her stomach.

He irritated her beyond belief.

Just to push his buttons even more than she, apparently, already was, Aelin sent a sickly sweet smile his way. She cocked an eyebrow, allowing her gaze to linger on him a moment longer before flipping her hair over her shoulder and turning back to the front of the class. Not before seeing his knuckle-white fist snap his pencil in half.

Satisfaction flooded through her as she smiled to herself. Lysandra gave her a look of confusion, but she ignored it.

Infuriating Rowan Whitethorn didn’t help the tiredness to seep out of her bones, but damn, it did make her feel a bit better.

--------------------

“Rowan, can you stay behind for a moment, please?”

Rowan paused, a beat passing by as students piled out of the classroom around him. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he counted to three.

He turned around just as the last few students were leaving. He saw Aelin Galathynius out of the corner of his eye, her gaze on him, a look mixed with hatred and the slightest bit of curiosity. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with her, so he kept his gaze forward, marching towards Mr. Allsbrook’s desk.

He stood there for a moment, neither of them speaking until the classroom door closed and there were no more students in the room. Only then did Rowan pull his hood back.

“Yes?” He asked politely, cool and to the point.

Mr. Allsbrook gazed up at him, hands folded neatly on the desk in front of him. There was a moment were neither moved or spoke. Then Mr. Allsbrook reached into his desk drawer, pulling out some papers.

Without a word, he handed it to Rowan, who took it with narrowed brows. It was only when he looked down, saw his name and a big red F, that he realized it was his paper on Julius Caesar

“You’re answering the questions and have interesting arguments,” Mr. Allsbrook explained, as Rowan just kept his gaze on the F glaring back at him, “but you’re not putting any thought into the work. You do the bare minimum, just enough to get by. I let you get away with it last year by giving you D’s, hoping you would put in the work, but I’m not doing it this year.”

Rowan gripped the paper so tight he was sure he was going to rip it in two, but he still said nothing.

“I know you’re better than that, Rowan,” Mr. Allsbrook continued, nodding towards the paper. “I saw your transcript from Doranelle, you got the brains, but you don’t put in the effort. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Yes. Yes he did. He understood very well what Mr. Allsbrook was telling him. Part of him couldn’t get past the fact he actually got an F, while the other part just didn’t care.

Mr. Allsbrook sighed once it was clear that Rowan wasn’t going to say anything before pulling a pad of paper towards him, scribbling away.

“I want you to meet with one of the tutors here at school a few times a week.”

“What?” Rowan’s head finally snapped up. “I don’t need a tutor.”

“Clearly you do,” Mr. Allsbrook said, hard and cold as he meets Rowan’s gaze. “Rowan. If you do not pass this class, you can’t graduate. And I’m sure you don’t want that, do you?”

“No, sir,” Rowan bit out.

Being stuck in that hellhole for another year was the last thing he wanted.

Mr. Allsbrook nodded. He finished writing on the pad of paper before ripping off the slip and handing it to Rowan.

“Stop by the tutor room before the end of the week to get situated. And I will be checking in to make sure you do,” Mr. Allsbrook said, eyes intense and unyielding.

Rowan gave a curt nod, snatching the paper, and turning on his heel to head out of the room without another word.

He stuffed the slip into his pocket without glancing at it, marching through the empty halls and out into the quad. Students filled the space, lounging on the grass or sitting at tables, enjoying lunch outside before it got too cold.

Rowan didn’t even bother to stop by the cafeteria and grab something to eat as he made his way towards the table farthest away from everyone.

He threw his bag on the table and sat down, resting his head in his hands and gripping his hair to the point where it was painful.

He hated that place, hated school and everything that came with it. More so in the past few years, since the move. Since...

He hadn’t always been like that. He had enjoyed school at one point. He had been good at it, had friends, did sports and participated in activities. But that was before every last ounce of joy had been sucked out of his life. That was before he gave up caring.

Since moving from Doranelle to Rifthold, he did the bare minimum to get by. But it seemed like even that had backfired in his face.

D’s last year he had been fine with - it was still a pass. But another F… that was the second one in English so far. If he kept it up, there would be no bouncing back, and he’d be stuck in hell for another long year.

Loud laughter booming throughout the quad caused him to glance up. Rowan couldn’t stop the annoyance that washed over him as he saw Aelin Galathynius sitting at a table not far from his own. She was surrounded by all her friends - Lysandra, Sam, Nehemia. But Rowan only kept his gaze on her. Because he simply couldn’t look away. The hatred was too strong.

He couldn’t fucking stand her.

From his first day at Rifthold High, he had wanted nothing to do with Aelin. They had never even had an actual conversation before. Not one that didn’t evolve sarcastic remarks and heated debates anyways.

Everything about her bugged him. The way she prowled down the hallways. The smirk always plastered on her face. The hair flip she did to get what she wants. The cocked eyebrow she gave him when their gazes locked.

She was nothing more than an annoying, spoiled brat. And Rowan couldn’t fucking stand her.

“You’re staring.”

“Jesus Christ!” Rowan nearly jumped out of his skin as he looked over his shoulder.

Standing behind him was Fenrys. Muscular arms crossed over his chest, long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail and a smirk gracing his lips as he looked down at Rowan.

In return, Rowan raised his eyebrow. “Can I help you?”

If possible, Fenrys’ smile seemed to grow wider. “Just wanted to make you aware you were starting to drool while you were gazing upon Ms Galathynius.”

“Piss off.” Rowan snapped, bad mood getting the better of him.

He and Fenrys talked every now and then. Normally it was just a passing comment in the halls or in the Physics class they shared. Nothing that deemed them friends in Rowan’s eyes. Mainly because Rowan didn’t have friends.

Fenrys on the other hand, seemed to have a different idea.

“Someone's in a mood today,” he chuckled, sitting down next to Rowan, who didn't reply. Instead, Rowan opted for ignoring him, hoping he’d go away. To get his point across, he reached into his bag and pulled out his Physics book, pretending to do some work.

Fenrys wasn’t buying it.

“So this is what you do during lunch? More school work.” Fenrys clicked his tongue, shaking your head. “You should join me and the boys instead. Throwing a football back and forth during lunch is more fun than learning about objects in motion.”

“Not my type of scene anymore,” Rowan mumbled, tone cool and distinct as he kept his gaze on his book.

“Anymore?”

Fuck.

Rowan froze, realizing his slip of the tongue. He didn’t want to tell Fenrys he used to play on his high school team. He didn’t want anyone to know anything about his past. He didn’t want to open up, to become friends, with anyone.

“You use to play?”

Rowan took a deep breath in through his nose, yet he still kept his gaze down. “Yes.”

He didn’t need to look up to know there was a shit-eating grin on Fenrys’ face.

“Dude, you should have totally tried out of the team early this year!” He exclaimed. “Better yet, you should hang with me and the guys someday. We usually get together on weekends and have a game of either tackle or flag football.”

Rowan huffed. “I’ll pass.”

He could feel Fenrys’ gaze on him, could feel the protest starting to build. Hell, he could physical see it in his eyes when Rowan did finally meet his gaze. But just seconds later, before Fenrys could speak, his name was being called from across the quad.

“Fenrys man, come on!”

Rowan didn’t bother to look and see who it was. Clearly, it was one of “the boys” - he didn’t care enough to identify which one it was. He simply turned back to his book without a word.

Fenrys at least realized he was clearly dismissed. After a moment, he stood up and jogged towards his group of friends without a word.

When he was finally gone, Rowan ran a hand through his hair.

He could not do this for another year. The friendly smiles, the chit-chat, the work, the people, everything, it was all fake. So fake. And if he had to do it for another year, he would lose his damn mind more than he already had.

Risking a glance over his shoulder, Rowan looked towards Fenrys. He was standing, smiling, laughing, all with some of his teammates from the football team.

Rowan couldn’t help but wondered if Fenrys was telling them about his new discovery. He probably was. And before any of them could turn his way, Rowan looked back down at the table in front of him.

He just wanted to make it through school so he could fucking leave. He didn’t want to make friends, to be part of a crowd or a team. He just wanted to leave.

You can’t leave if you fail English.

Rowan cursed the voice in his head, even if it was right.

If he continued the way he was going, if he didn’t listen to and obey Mr. Allsbrook, he was going to be stuck here for another year. There would be no way he could leave.

If dealing with a tutor a few nights was his only ticket out of here, he’d have to stick it up and take it.

With a sigh, Rowan reached into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled up slip. He smoothed it out, looking down at the name of his tutor.

He didn’t know if he wanted to curse to the Gods or start digging his grave now at the name that stared back at him. The looping black ink stark against the white paper. The letters piercing through him as he read the name over and over again. 

The name of the one person who held his fate in their hands.

Aelin Galathynius.

[unrequitedmime]

Cairo raised one delicately defined eyebrow, "That's your evidence?" Koda spun to face her, brown strands of hair slicing through air. Her green eyes were burning with a storm of emotions, and Zachariah nearly took a step away from her when he recognised the sparkle between her long eyelashes. He did not fancy emotions. Not at all. The air between Cairo and Koda suddenly seemed to tingle with tension. Zachariah wish he had a knife so that he could truly test the metaphor used. Usually he was a skeptic, but he was quiet sure that something in the air would split between them if he swung his hand through. He was sure he would be zapped if he walked between them. He remained where he was; in the door frame. Damaris leaned against one side of the frame, his insufferable hair a mess. Despite the late hour, the light from the hall behind him seemed to shine through and paint a halo around him. His brown eyes shone. Zachariah could feel his body heat. He stepped away. Damaris didn't spare him a glance as he strode forward, delicately resting his hand upon Koda's arm to calm her energy. Zachariah had the faintest impression that he was expected to do that, considering his friendship with Koda. But Zachariah did not fancy emotions. "He's gone, Cairo," Koda's voice was a sharp, loud slap. "I can feel it in my bones." "Well, tell your bones to call the police." "God, you're a bitch sometimes Cairo," Minnie breathed somewhere behind Zachariah. He could feel her breath on the back of his neck and nearly startled. Zachariah hadn't seen her in the shadows of Cody's room. If he had, he would have stayed in the doorway. "Shut up Minnie," Cairo's voice was a punch. To be fair, Cairo was quite a bitch sometimes. But Zachariah did not quite like Minnie, so his mouth remained closed. "Hey now," Damaris said. His voice was barely above a whisper, yet somehow it carried the entire ocean. It seemed to wash over every body in the room and calm their hearts. He watched their deep breaths and their fluttering eyelashes. He wondered why they thought it a good idea to breathe underwater. He wondered if they knew that salt water made your eyes sting when you came back to the surface. Oh, well. "There's no need to be frustrated, or mad, or worried." Each of those emotions flickered to dust within the three girls. Zachariah watched Damaris work his magic. It seemed to flow through the air like fairy dust. Zachariah tried not to breathe too deeply. Koda released a shuddering breath and closed her eyes, clenching her jaw. Zachariah watched the muscles in her cheek string to life in her frustration. He wondered if she was frustrated at Cody, Cairo, herself, or the world. Possibly all. "Something's wrong, Damaris," she whispered, her voice shattering as she spoke. She sounded as if she were walking upon shards of glass. "I can feel it. I need to find him." "You will find him," Damaris replied softly, his voice practically curing world hunger. "There's no need to worry, K. You know Cody as well as I; he's probably out drinking, or maybe he went for a road trip and forgot to text? How many times has he done that, huh?" He laughed gently, and Zachariah watched again as chests loosened at the pure sound. Like running water. Koda shook her head, hair shaking, "No, Wez. This is different. I know he did stupid things sometimes and left without telling anyone, but I always knew he was safe; I could feel it." "And now?" Benjamin's light voice drifted with the air. Koda's bottom lip trembled. It reminded Zachariah of clouds before thunder storms. "Nothing," she whispered, her voice falling apart, "Absolutely nothing." "Maybe if you sleep you'll find that feeling of safety again," Zee suggested carefully, her voice kind. It sounded like white clouds. "No," Koda snapped, angry yet again. "I don't need sleep, I need to find my twin brother and bring him home." Zachariah did not quite like Cody. He was an impulsively lost and wild spirit. He laughed too long at jokes, had dull eyes, and he smelled of cigarette smoke. Zachariah was surprised his fingers had not permanently melded to accommodate the curve of a beer can. He also surfed. Zachariah did not trust boys that surfed. Damaris surfed. Cody loved his sister, though. When Cody looked at Koda it reminded Zachariah of the way the sun shone brightly at the moon before it settled beneath the waves of the horizon. Losing, yet adoring.  "Where do you think he is, then?" Minnie asked, her voice as soft as Zachariah's blankets back at home. He wish he was there. Minnie was still too close again. Zachariah moved back to the door frame.  "I don't know."  Cairo expelled a breath of air, "Well then how the hell are we supposed to know where to look?"  Koda's glare was so hot Zachariah levitated towards it. Zachariah was so cold, and he craved the heat. With an empty and exhausted mind, he stepped closer to Koda. The next thing he knew, Damaris was in front of him, one hand on his chest as he gently saved him from the girls' wrath and pushed Zachariah back to his spot. Zachariah was slightly taller than Damaris and intended to glare down at him. Then he noticed how warm Damaris' skin was through his t-shirt. He obediently stepped back, letting Damaris' warmth seep into his chest and expand like tendrils of calming flame. It slowly spread through his cold body, bringing back feeling to his numb mind and heart. He expelled a single breath of air, letting the emptiness release from his body. Damaris' hand was heavy on his chest.  He pushed it off, and Damaris let it drop, his eyes on Koda and Cairo.  Zachariah ran a hand through his hair, enjoying the feeling of his smooth strands against his shivering skin. He felt a heavy gaze resting upon him and turned to find Minnie watching. Not him, exactly.  Her eyes were upon his chest, as if she could see the warmth that swum out from his centre. As if it glowed. He glanced down to check himself; no glow.  He met her eyes.  They were cold as ice. Zachariah took a step closer to Damaris.  "Cairo," Koda growled, a mama bear, "I understand that its your birthday, but can you stop being such a self centred bitch for three seconds of your god damned life?"  Zachariah was sure that if he breathed too deeply frost would flow from his lips. Two cold, angry women with gazes heavy enough to bury alive. Everyone held their breath.  "I'm going," Cairo announced, spinning on her heel. Her sky hair flowed behind her as she strode from the room, blue expanse trying to keep up with flowing jets. Blue skies preparing for a storm. She was the storm. "Whoever wants a ride, feel free to join."  Zee wordlessly followed her from the room, loyal to the very end. She had plaited her hair down her back, and Zachariah watched it bounce against her spine as she slipped past. Benjamin followed her, his long legs taking careful strides so not to make too much noise. He, like Zachariah, most likely feared that the slightest creak in the floorboards would pull Cairo back with rearing fists.  He prayed that Benjamin didn't creak any floorboards.  A small body warmed his arm. He looked down to Minnie with disdain.  "You coming, Zach?" She asked, her voice a delicate flower in the breeze.  He stared at her. He supposed she wasn't ugly. Her red hair hung in a neat bob, and her deep blue eyes were interesting to look at. Zachariah noticed she had a light spray of freckles across her button nose. No, he decided, she wasn't ugly at all.  "My name is Zachariah."  "And only I can call him Zach, sweet cheeks," Damaris reminded.  "No," Zachariah said, "You cannot."  Minnie let out a shaky breath, "Are you coming or not?"  "No, he's staying with us," Damaris answered, his voice suddenly firm, as if daring Minnie to object.  She glanced irritably at him and Zachariah blinked. No one had ever glanced irritably at Damaris. For how could you hate the sun for shining and blessing the Earth with light.  Zachariah personally thought that sunlight was overrated.  Minnie's skin was pale. Perhaps she had never liked the sun either. He wondered what made her brave enough to announce that she preferred darkness. He remembered her cold eyes.  She huffed before storming away, the neatest mess of red hair and swirling floral dresses that Zachariah had ever seen. He blinked again. No one stormed away from Damaris.  He glanced at the sunshine boy and found him staring at the doorway in confusion. It burnt in his eyes. Everything burnt in his eyes. He turned away suddenly, his face transforming into a warm hug for Koda.  There it was; the shift.  Why was he the only one that ever saw it?  "No fucking way," Cairo's snarl was like a dagger ripping through the air. It struck Zachariah's sleeping skin and he sat upright, his heart racing.  Sunlight swum through the loft, bleeding through the large windows. They were splashed with colour; courtesy of Cairo, and the rays shone like small rainbows as they washed over the lounge. He could feel it shining through his hair. He was sure that his hair was a mess of brown-reddish waves. A messy ocean washing upon pale sand. Everything was slightly blurred, as it always was without his glasses. He pat the couch for them, panicked, and a moment later they were placed upon his head, Cairo's touch light as a feather. He flinched.  Cairo stepped back, letting her hands fall as she waited for his eyes to adjust. He blinked up at her. She stared back, unimpressed. Her hands were crossed over her chest. He winced.  Cairo was dangerous when her arms were crossed. A dragon in blue skies.  "Why the hell are you on the couch?"  He blinked up at her, silent. He didn't like being sworn at. And he was tired.  Zachariah watched Damaris' door fly open in the corner of his eye. He noticed that his own door, beside Damaris', remained closed. Zachariah had no doubt in his mind that Koda was awake, if she had even slept. He also had no doubt in his mind that she trusted Damaris to calm Cairo down before she appeared.  Apparently everyone trusted Damaris. He didn't quite understand why.  The sunshine boy skidded out of his room barefoot. His own hair was an autumn birds nest upon his head. His eyes were wide and slightly unfocused as he raced out to Cairo, his sweats shifting with every step.  "Cairo!" He smiled dramatically, "Morning, love, how was your sleep?"  "I hope you're not trying to woo my girlfriend, Wez," came Zee's voice from the kitchen. Damaris' eyes fell upon her, somewhere behind Zachariah's spot on the lounge, before he grinned his crooked grin. If he listened hard enough, Zachariah could hear Zee's heart soften and sing. He didn't quite understand why. How could a grin that was not straight possibly be endearing?  "Of course not, Zee," he winked, "You two are a love story I enjoy watching unfold from the very core of my heart."  Zachariah blinked. He wondered how long it would be until Koda walked out of his room. He would quite like his bed back. He had a dreadful sleep last night.  "Zachariah, why are you on the couch?" Cairo asked yet again, refusing to be swept away by Damaris' words.  Damaris' eyes fell upon Zachariah, and he too, frowned slightly.  "Really, Goldie? You slept on the couch? When the mattress is right over there?"  Zachariah glanced at it. And abandoned mattress in the corner of the loft, closest to Zachariah's room. It had been there as long as he could remember; a forgotten bed made of nothing but undesired love and aesthetic sunshine. No one used it; all occupants of the loft had their own beds. It was simply a place of comfort. It was for those in dire need of a space to think.  Zachariah never used it. Neither did Cairo or Damaris.  Benjamin used it the most, and he didn't even live with them. He was the one that cared enough to change the sheets every week. This week the mattress wore a peach coloured sheet with pillows full of painted ferns. It was a peculiar sight, and it was quite ugly.  Therefore, it matched everything in the loft perfectly.  The mismatched decor of the loft frustrated Zachariah if he allowed himself to think about it too deeply. He mostly ignored Cairo's taste for style, more so, the lack of. Her desire for a fun and crazy life had leaked into her home without Zachariah or Damaris' permission. She adored all things odd and old. Zachariah did not.  Many mornings he had walked into their kitchen and found Damaris standing silently, observing the latest appliance that Cairo had brought home from a suit case rummage somewhere. Together they would stand, analysing the oddness of the object in silence, before moving on, avoiding the appliance until Cairo showed them how to work the mysterious thing.  Those moments were the only times that Zachariah and Damaris had ever come close to resembling friends.  He preferred not to think about those mornings.  "Benjamin naps on that mattress," Zachariah said.  Damaris glanced at the mattress once before releasing a snort whilst Cairo frowned in confusion.  Damaris seemed  to be the only one that ever understood Zachariah's words. It certainly wasn't an achievement; most should understand his words. Zachariah didn't quite understand why many frowned in confusion; he spoke clearly enough.  "Now, now, goldie," Damaris grinned; crooked, of course. "Don't be mean to poor Benjamin. He's a nice chap."  The only times Zachariah could stand to hear Damaris' voice was when his British accent shone through the American. His childhood in Britain was well hidden until Damaris used phrases that any Englishman would cherish within their hearts. He didn't quite like Damaris, but he enjoyed  the sound of his voice. An deep American accent, but with the rough edge of something more. A slight lilt to his words. It was fascinating.  "Don't call me Goldie," Zachariah said, "My name is Zachariah."  A laugh escaped a pair of lips. Cairo let her eyes flutter shut, smiling finally; a gentle smile that seemed to bless her lips. Everything in her face softened. Zachariah blinked in surprise; surely he hadn't made her smile?  Zachariah never made people smile, or laugh. He was not funny. "Ah," she sighed, tilting her face to the sunlight, "Now I can begin my day." Confusion sat heavy in Zachariah's stomach, but he remained quiet. "What?" Zee called from the kitchen, her voice echoing off the marble floors and brick walls. Cairo opened her eyes, smiling at her girlfriend, "Zachariah said his name was Zachariah. The world had righted; the rotation of Earth continues." Zee laughed softly, and Zachariah had the faintest impression that he was being made fun of. He did not enjoy being made fun of. "I wouldn't have to say it if you all called me Zachariah. That is my name." Damaris released a laugh, "We know, Goldie, trust me."  Irritation flickered within Zachariah. He didn't enjoy it when people called him Zach, but he hated when Damaris called him Goldie. The moment Damaris had noticed that Zachariah's glasses were rimmed with gold, he had grinned his insufferable grin and announced the nickname that swum to the surface only when Zachariah couldn't find his contacts. Zachariah thought it was unfair to tease him for his glasses. The wiry framed, round, golden things were definitely not his choice. Cairo had chosen them and promptly forced him to take them to the front counter. Considering she was paying for his glasses as she broke the last ones, she had decided that gave her authority to decide what suited him and what didn't.  She had decided that the golden rims suited him perfectly.  "It makes your brown-reddy waves shine, Zachariah," she had smiled brightly in the Optometrist, "And it makes your eyes look nice. It brings out the yellow in them."  Zachariah had tried to put them back when she said that. He didn't like the yellow in his eyes. He had decided when he was young that he looked like a cat with his golden eyes. Cairo had once announced that he had not only cat eyes, but their feline grace as well.  He had stopped comparing himself to a cat after that.  "My name-" "We get it, Zachariah." All heads whipped to stare at Koda, standing in his doorway. Zachariah's boxers hung off her hips, and one of Damaris' shirts floated around her frame. Her waves were a mess in the morning light, but her green eyes shone steady.  Zachariah did not like that his boxers were being shown to the occupants of the loft. He believed that boxers were quite a personal thing. He believed he deserved that privacy. But so did Koda.  He remained silent on the couch.  "What are you doing here, K?" Cairo asked. Her voice was not full of sharp edges; it was instead full of jagged cliffs. Exhaustion. Fighting with Koda exhausted Cairo. Always. Zachariah wondered why they bothered fighting so frequently when it drained their bodies and souls. It seemed like a waste of time.  Koda, finding the tiredness in Cairo's voice, slowly shrugged. She let her gaze full upon Damaris and Zachariah as she spoke.  "I don't know," she admitted, "I fell asleep at Cody's last night and woke up in Zachariah's bed this morning."  All eyes turned to Zachariah. He shrugged, and Damaris released a strangled laugh.  That was the second person he had made laugh this morning. He wondered what he had done that was so amusing.  "We didn't want to leave you alone at Cody's in case something happened," Damaris explained, "So we brought you back here, decided it would be domestic abuse to make you sleep on a couch as uncomfortable as ours, and set you up in Zach's room."  "Zachariah," Zachariah corrected.  "Who changed my clothes?"  Damaris cleared his throat, "Zachariah did."  Relief shone through Koda's face, and she glanced at Zachariah with trust in her eyes.  "I didn't know you had a tattoo on your stomach," Zachariah said. After a moment, he added, "It's nice."  Koda's features softened as she smiled at him, "Thank you, Zachariah."  He nodded once. Changing Koda had been a very uncomfortable act. Damaris had announced that changing the unconscious girl was Zachariah's duty before he disappeared into his bedroom, leaving Zachariah alone.  His hatred for Damaris had flared yet again, and he fought the urge to pray for the removal of his horrid existence. It had taken a while to wrestle the clothes off Koda without waking her, but eventually he had done it. His hands moved into a rhythm as he worked, steady and fine as he slipped sleeves off arms and boots off feet. Only when he had tucked Koda into bed had he realised that he didn't even remember her bare skin. He didn't remember if her body was pleasantly warm, or if her body was fit. If it was nice to look at. He didn't remember looking at any of her curves. He had only paused to admired the tattoos twirling against her body. That was all he had noticed; ink.  Damaris watched Zachariah, amusement and something else in his eyes as he stared.  Zachariah wondered why Damaris had left Zachariah to undress Koda.  He wished Damaris would stop watching him.  "Jesus Christ you boys are so extra," Cairo scolded, turning to the two of them. "Her loft is downstairs. Why couldn't you just have taken her home to Minnie and Benjamin?"  Damaris shrugged, smiling a sly smile, "We thought it'd be funnier to see your face this morning." "Well, I'm sure Zach didn't enjoy losing his bed."  "My name is Zachariah."  A collection of sighs.  "So his surfer friends are still in the city, his college friends are at their classes, and his friends from school haven't heard anything from him?" Minnie's voice sounded like fingernails rubbing against couches full of lint. She was apparently grumpy, and had not been delighted when she was awoken and summoned upstairs to their apartment.  "Does that mean he's gone alone?" Benjamin asked, sipping from his coffee. He, also, was not a morning person. His dark hair was a mess, and black rimmed glasses sat upon his nose.  Zachariah eyed them with a curious envy. Damaris' gaze flicked between Benjamin's black glasses and Zachariah's golden rims. He was hiding a grin. Zachariah fought the urge to sigh.  "Who said he's gone?" Koda asked, staring down at the map sitting on top of the steel bench, "Maybe he was taken."  "He's 6'1, Koda," Zee reminded gently. She had the weakest bond with Koda as she didn't live in the industrial building with them. Zee had an apartment closer to the city; a half hours drive. Her and Cairo often had sleepovers.  Well, not sleepovers. Other things.  "And your point is?" Koda snapped, her voice thick with annoyance. Zee flinched slightly, and Cairo took a defensive step towards her girlfriend. Koda's face softened with guilt. Slightly. "He could have been drugged, or knocked out."  "Woah, woah, woah," Damaris interrupted, waving his hands. As his large hands shook the air, tension dissipated. He seemed to wrap it up with his fingers and hide it away.  Magic.  "I don't think he got kidnapped, K," Minnie assured gently, tip toeing on egg shells. "There's no need to panic yet, sweets."  Zachariah found it faintly amusing that Minnie thought it appropriate to call Koda 'sweets', considering she was a tigress spirit. A woman warrior. A thriving soul full of jungle life and storms.  He thought it appropriate instead that Minnie tremble in the face of Koda, as she was a chief. An old chief of a forgotten empire. Zachariah just wasn't sure which one. Yet. Koda glanced quickly at her small friend before meeting Zachariah's eyes. Her green depths shone with fear and worry. This was easily the most serious he had ever seen his only friend.  "What do you think, Zachariah?" she asked, and all heads turned in surprise, "What do you think happened to my brother?" Zachariah felt vaguely uncomfortable, and disdain for Koda momentarily washed over him. He knew what she was doing; she thought him smart, and she wanted him to prove it to her. He would do no such thing. "I think that your brother is impulsive and forgetful. I think he has escaped for a weekend and has forgotten to tell you. I think that there is no need to worry." Lies. All lies.  Something had indeed happened to her brother. He just wasn't sure what. Yet.  Minnie watched him with admiration in her eyes. Admiration and adoration. His skin prickled uncomfortably under her loving gaze. He hoped that she would recover from her slight crush very soon. Very soon indeed.  "See," she breathed, her dark eyes sparking. He no longer found them interesting to look at. He decided he didn't enjoy looking directly at them. "If Zachariah said that there's nothing to worry about, then there's nothing to worry about."  Cairo snorted, "If I had a penny for every time Zachariah said something simply because he knew we wanted to hear it, then i would finally be able to afford my share of the rent for this damned loft."  Zachariah glanced at her, dismay washing over him yet again. He was not impressed with Cairo's observation. It slid him back into the spotlight. Koda opened her mouth to ask him yet another question, but Damaris interrupted. Zachariah had never been so grateful to hear the sound of his voice.  "Koda," he asked, "Have you called the police?"  "No," she whispered, despair falling upon her as delicately as a piano, "Something within me says not to."  Benjamin sighed into his coffee, "Well then what the hell were you expecting, Koda?"  "You to support me, maybe," she snapped, and he startled away from her tone, holding his hands up to show innocence. His coffee was still in one of his palms. Zachariah faintly hoped it spilt.  "We are going to help you, Koda," Damaris reminded softly, throwing a scolding glance Zachariah's way. He blinked as it hit him.  What had he done wrong? He had done simply what was expected of him; he sat silently and listened. As he always did. He didn't see what was wrong now.  "Damaris is right," Minnie said, her voice gentle and loving. "What do you want us to do?"  Koda closed her eyes for a moment, calming her racing thoughts. Zachariah watched them falter in her brain. He watched her entire being calm slightly.  "I think we should go to his apartment one more time."  "You know, Minnie," Benjamin's voice vibrated through the walls beside Zachariah's head. "You really are not subtle at all."  "Excuse me?" Minnie squeaked, confused.  These walls were certainly thin.  "You like him," Benjamin announced.  Zachariah paused. Damaris, in the other corner of the room, paused too. He was beside the same wall, a few metres in front of Zachariah. He had bent to inspect the papers on Cody's desk. Zachariah had paused in front of a book shelf to admire Cody's fascinating collection.  "Who?" Minnie asked, her voice an octave higher. Zachariah hadn't known it could go an octave higher. He had thought it was at it's peak.  "Don't you 'who' me, Missy." Silence settled. Zachariah, not too interested in their conversation, continued to browse the spines of books. He felt Damaris' gaze on him. He ignored it, as always. "Well, what do you want me to say?" Minnie's voice suddenly burst out from the wall in front of him. She sounded exasperated, as if she had been holding her breath and was finally expelling deep gulps. "Yes, I like him, Benjamin. Happy?"  Benjamin's deep laugh echoed through the wall. Zachariah nearly took a step away from it. He did not like Benjamin's voice. Unlike Damaris, Zachariah disliked both Benjamin and the sound of his voice. Zachariah realised that two of his least favourite people were in a room together. Alone.  He wondered how much trouble he would get in for setting a room of Cody's apartment on fire.  Possibly an amount that would still make the sacrifice worth it.  "Why would that make me happy, Minnie?"  "What do you mean? Why wouldn't it?"  Benjamin's hollow laugh echoed again, and this time Zachariah did take a step back. Damaris watched him, his gaze heavy.  "You have feelings for Zachariah, Minnie."  "And?"  "And Zachariah is the most apathetic and empty person I have ever met! Have you ever seen him smile? He's like a hollow shell-"  "Don't talk about him like that, Benjamin!" Minnie snapped, her voice all hell.  "I'm serious, Minnie! He feels no emotions. He is an empty shell of a human being. He has no personality, no life, no gods damned soul-"  "Benjamin!"  Their voices were clear through the wall.  Zachariah felt a rock settle within his stomach as he heard their words. He did not want to hear their words very much. Not at all.   "Why are you wasting your time on Zachariah, Minnie? You can do so much more!"  "I am wasting my time on Zachariah because I like liking him!" She yelled. "I like thinking about whether his hair is a deep red or if its a chocolate brown. I like his eyes! I like the way they shine when he talks to Koda or Damaris!" Damaris stiffened in his corner. "I like the way he frowns when someone calls him Zach. I like the light freckles sprinkled upon his skin! I like that he's tall, and that his body is just right. Slim frame, long legs that always seem graceful. I think he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I think that others do too. He doesn't look at me twice, I know that, and that's okay. I know who he thinks is the most beautiful, and it's not me," Her voice shook slightly, "That's okay, too."  Benjamin sighed, his voice softer this time, "Minnie, you don't see him for who he really is. He is rude, and silent, and downright creepy. He never fucking speaks, and who doesn't like the name Zach?" "Benjamin," Minnie warns, but Benjamin ignores her, his volume growing with his anger. "He doesn't care about any of us, Minnie. He talks to the rest of us only because Damaris and Cairo make him. He is hollow, and empty, and he is probably rotting inside. You've got to understand that he's hardly a real person, Minnie. He doesn't even count as a human-"  Benjamin made a strangled noise. A moment later, the wall between them trembled as someone was thrown into it. Zachariah took another step back. His feet were numb. Everything was numb. That rock in his stomach was heavy. So heavy it seemed to hurt.  Damaris wasn't standing in his corner anymore.  "Take it back, Collin," his growl vibrated through the thin plaster between them as he shoved Benjamin's face into it. "I said fucking take it back now!"  "What the fuck are you doing, Wez!" He roared, and another shock went through the wall as something hit it again.  "Damaris, stop!" Minnie's high and loud voice rang through the wall. Zachariah winced, a headache was forming in his head. Like thunderclouds rolling.  "BOYS!" Koda yelled as she raced down the hall, a blur of dark hair and a green bomber jacket passing by, "STOP!"  Zachariah remained frozen; two steps away from the wall.  "Benjamin Collin," Damaris' voice, low and rough, sounded like a thousand sharpening blades. There it was, Zachariah thought; the shift. He wondered if the occupants of the room next to Zachariah's were frozen with shock. They had never seen the boy with bleeding hands, only the one with shining smiles. "Take. It. Back."  Zachariah wondered if he should still try to burn down the room.  No, he thought, there were people in that room he didn't want to die.  "Take back what?" Benjamin yelled, choking as Damaris grabbed his throat. Sounds of Koda's struggling shot through the air as she tried to pry Damaris away from Benjamin. Zachariah stared at the wall. He was suddenly exhausted.  "What you said about Zachariah," Damaris said. The knives had sharpened. They were pointing at Benjamin. His voice had never sounded so deadly.  All sounds of struggling ceased. Silenced settled as Koda stepped away from Damaris' grip on Benjamin. Zachariah could suddenly hear the bomb in Koda's mind, slowly ticking down. Despite Benjamin's foul existence and Zachariah's desire to set him ablaze, he prayed for him. He only had so long before Koda detonated.  "What did you say about Zachariah?" she asked quietly, her voice clear and firm. Her rage burned just beneath the surface. Zachariah wondered if it was at hot as Damaris' smouldering eyes.  "Nothing," Benjamin choked, "I didn't mean it, you guys know I didn't mean it! I love Zach as much as you do-"  "I doubt that," Damaris growled.  "I'm just trying to paint an image, okay?"  "What?" Koda's voice was a thousand falling rocks.  "I needed to paint a gods damned image, okay? Minnie loves him-"  "It's not love," she interrupted.  "And I couldn't bear it. I'm trying to make her get over him."  "And that's relevant to you, how?" Koda asked, the bomb ticking down.  "Because I'm in love with her!" He gasped. Silence.  A tornado spun through the room, quiet as all hell. Benjamin huffed as if he had been holding his breath his entire life and had finally gotten a taste of air. Everything within him seemed to shatter.  "I'm in love with you, Minnie," he whispered, his voice a broken mirror. Discarded and fragmented and completely fucked up.  Silence settled as Damaris released Benjamin. He let out a gasp as he slid down the wall. Zachariah's eyes followed his slumped form. He stared at the spot on the wall where he knew Benjamin was.  Maybe if he set fire to the wall it would only hurt Benjamin.  Heels suddenly clicked as Minnie stormed out of the room, her shaking chest a symphony of sobs and confused hiccups. Zachariah listened to the song that was Minnie's emotions.  Zachariah didn't quite like music.  Koda followed her out, calling her name. Minnie's crying hurt Zachariah's ears, but Koda's voice didn't.  Zachariah continued to stare at the wall.  The room beside his was silent.  Boots creaked the floorboards as they walked towards the room Zachariah occupied. Zachariah wanted to tell the boots to be careful, that the creaking floorboards might make Cairo and Koda mad at each other again. Zachariah could not bear any more fighting. He thought he'd yell.  Zachariah didn't yell.  Damaris appeared in the door frame. Zachariah dragged his gaze away from the wall, ignoring the small magnet for the bigger one. His eyes stuck to Damaris. Damaris' light brown hair was a mess and his eyes were smouldering.  So Zachariah was right. He knew they would smoulder.  Damaris' gaze was heavy upon Zachariah's body. Upon his face, his eyes, his everything. His very soul.  Zachariah had been tired a moment before. Now, everything in his body seemed to yawn and sit up straight. No more drooping flowers.  "Wow," Damaris breathed, "I totally thought he was gay."  The shift had been unsuccessful. Damaris' voice was a mosaic of jagged glass and rays of sunshine. It was both soft wind and the crack of trees as lightning struck them. An angel's flutter and the devil's crack of a whip. Damaris' voice was not only a mix of American and British, but a recipe with both heaven and hell thrown into the mixing bowl.  Minnie's voice hurt his ears, but Damaris' soothed them.

unrequited 

[secondstartotheright-imagines]

I Hate You, I Love You

Note: Another great idea form @avengersrulez1536​! based on the song ‘I love you, I hate you.’ by Gnash- I was thinking a love triangle between the reader, Pan and Baelfire instead of the line ‘I'll never be her, it would be ‘never be him’. Baelfire has a crush on the reader but the reader and Pan are in a relationship so when Balfire prepares to leave he tells the the reader that he loves her but hates her but hates that he is in love with her and she doesn't know how to react but hates herself for letting Balfire fall for her and she gets upset then a cheesy moment between her and Pan and he lets her go :D

Note: So this is my first time trying to incorporate a song into the story so I apologise if this is nothing like what you were expecting. When the lyrics are in italics they are in Bae’s mind. The other ones are spoken out by him. I didn’t include all of them just the ones I felt would fit the story more. Again I am soooo sorry if this is terrible!

Reader x Pan x Baelfire

Words:1567

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: None of the GIFs are mine. All credit goes to their creators. Also the lyrics to the song are not mine <3

Things on Neverland were amazing. In fact your time here had been something you could never have imagined up in your own mind. You were in love, head over heels as a matter of fact, and it wasn’t just with anyone, oh no, it was with the King of Neverland himself. Peter Pan. He could still be just as mean towards you as he was his boys, he had a reputation to keep after all, but at the end of the day his arms would always be wrapped around you lovingly. That was what mattered to you.

But it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for everyone that resided in the camp. Not that you or Pan would ever notice given the happiness you both felt.

Baelfire, or ‘Bae’ as you liked to call him, is one of the few Lost Boys you would consider your best friend and the reason why the place that had once been his dream come true had become a living nightmare was because he was in love......with you.

He was sat around the campfire, just as you all did on an evening when the catch of that day had been prepared and cooked, but he wasn’t his usual joyful self with the other boys. He had sat himself away from them so that his eyes could remain on you without the campfire obscuring his vision, well, it blocked his view of Pan (luckily) but not of you.

Feeling used But I'm Still missing you And I can't See the end of this.

Even when darkness had enveloped the island and the only source of light was from the flickering flames of the fire he could still see how much your eyes sparkled. The life inside of them was the most beautiful thing this island had to offer and he couldn’t get enough of it. He could quite happily drown in them.

But then Pan, as always, quickly made his way into his line of sight as he leaned forward and captured your lips with his. The lips that Bae was so desperate to taste and yet would never get. Why would you ever choose a Lost Boy over the King Of Neverland?

Just wanna feel your kiss Against my lips And now all this time Is passing by But I still can't seem to tell you why It hurts me every time I see you Realize how much I need you.

He couldn’t do this anymore. Night after night it was the same thing. You would all sit around and eat while Pan had his hands all over you, touching every inch of you that he could, and it knotted his stomach to the point where he really did think he was going to be sick. He had never experienced heartbreak before but he was beginning to think that this is how it must have felt.

Love should have been simpler. There should have been no grey area. Yet here he was looking at the very thing that was making his feelings more complicated than they should have been.

The person he had once had the utmost respect towards was now someone he just wanted to disappear. But he knew he would never be able to achieve such a feat and so he stood himself up from the fallen log he had been sat on and he headed into the forest and away from the laughter of the camp.

Pan’s lips broke away from yours at that moment and when you saw something moving in the corner of your eye you instinctively turned to see what it was and when you saw Bae disappearing into the darkness of the jungle your brows furrowed in confusion. Where was he going at this time? You had never known him to wander off like that.

“I’ll....I’ll be right back. Why don’t you play some of that beautiful music of yours for the boys until I get back?”

He was about to protest, not wanting you to leave his side, but the soft kiss you placed onto his cheek was enough to stop him from saying any more and before he tried to again you were gone. Following Bae in the direction you had seen him going. There was only one place this path led to which was good in the sense that you wouldn’t need to worry about getting lost or not being able to find him; however, there was only really one reason anyone went to the shores of the island.

“Bae?”

You pulled the last overgrown branch out of your way and felt the soft grains of sand wrap around your bare feet as you walked towards him. He was stood so close to the water that each time a small wave rolled in the water would cover his feet for a few brief moments. Even though you knew he had heard you he didn’t turn to face you when he spoke.

“[y/n] go away. I’m not in the mood.”

There was no feeling to the words that he spoke, They were just cold and flat and you simply refused to listen to them. He knew you well enough by now to know that you were quite the stubborn little creature when you wanted to be.

“Well you’re just going to have to be in the mood. You have been acting strangely for weeks now, you’re not yourself.....what is going on?”

By the time you had spoken the last word you had closed the gap between the two of you and the first thing you did was place your hand onto his shoulder in a comforting gesture. One that you had been convinced was a perfectly innocent thing to do but just seconds after your hand connected with his shoulder he went off like you had just pulled a pin out of a grenade.

“I hate you! I love you! I....I hate that I love you.....” You had frozen to the spot at this point, in shock from what he had just admitted, but it was clear that he wasn’t finished although his initial anger and his sheer nerves had managed to calm down a little as he continued. “Don’t want to but I can’t put nobody else above you.”

You couldn’t have been hearing this right. He loved you? You were best friends and there had never been any moments when you had thought there was a possibility for something more. You had always loved Pan.....you always would.....and yet now you could feel your own heart aching as you realise that you had missed the signs from your friend and he was now declaring his love to you.

This whole time you and Pan had been flaunting your love for one another while Bae looked on in pain. Already the tears were rolling down your cheeks as you tried to get close to him again. You wanted to hold him, to make him know that everything would be okay, to tell him how sorry you were. The last thing you wanted was for your friend to be hurting.

“Bae I-“

A finger pressed up against your lips cut your words off as Bae stepped closer to you and now looked at you rather than frantically pacing around on the sands of the shore. His free hand reached up to tuck a stray strand of your hair back behind your ear. His voice now no louder than a hushed whisper.

“I hate that I want you because you want him. You need him.....and I will never be him.”

“[y/n]! [y/n]! There you are!”

Clearly the boys had decided to raid the stash of rum they had stolen from Hook and his crew that day because a drunk Pan had stumbled his way over to where both you and Bae were stood, causing your friend’s touch to leave you completely as he stepped away and tore his gaze from the sight of you.

“I’ve been missing you. I...I want to dance with the most beautiful thing on this island.”

His arms immediately wrapped around your waist and despite the serious tension still hanging in the air around you the laugh escaped your lips before you could stop it as you just went along with it and let him dance with you. His lips constantly showered your neck with kisses and you allowed him to do it as you manoeuvred him to a position where he had his back to Bae but you were able to look right at him.

You could just pick out something above your friend, hovering almost in a menacing manner, and when it dawned on you that is was the Shadow your eyes widen. No. Don’t do it.

“I’m letting you go [y/n]. Pan needs you more than you know.”

You couldn’t stop him. You wanted to, in fact you wanted to run over to him screaming for him to stay, but Pan’s grip on you was too tight and so you watched helplessly as the Shadow lifted him into the air and took him out of your life.

“I love you [y/n].”

Pan’s words were bittersweet for you, having just witnessed your best friend choosing to leave Neverland, but a small smile managed to make its way onto your face as you nuzzled your face into his neck and muttered your response back to him.

“I love you too.”