#I HATE HATE HATE BAND NOWADAYS WHICH SUCKS

[imnotgrimimjustagrumpyreaper]

Today is Wednesday which means...Tomorrow is Thursday and that makes me want to cry.

[lighthouse-system]

The main opinion I see is that people think gorillaz is mainstream and the absolutely hate that. They yearn for when they were punk.

But like, to me, gorillaz isn't mainstream. Is it popular? Right now yes, but that is the whole goal of a band: be popular and make money.

People feel they've lost sight of their purpose, but I don't think they have. They're still telling a story and now have more technology to do so (tiktok, discord).

I wish people were more open to change. Everybody changes.

Big time agree. And they were doing all this back in the day too— it was just with forums, email etc. the reason they don’t do that more nowadays, I think, is the sheer volume of fans now and how much more difficult it’d be to have the band interact with fans like they used to. The poor intern (or maybe just Ed/the writer) would be at it for dayyyyssss to just respond to people after One (1) tweet or TikTok video. That’s why they primarily spoke amongst themselves in Discord.

Gorillaz can’t “go back to how it used to” because it’s just physically impossible. They’d have to hire way more people to work on the team, which their budget may or may not allow, plus the whole “too many cooks in the kitchen” problem that inevitably arises from a large creative team.

Back in the day in phase 2, lore wasn’t that heavy. You could explore Kong studios, sure, but the updates were kinda like how it is now. I think people got the lore bomb in phase 3 and then the goalpost shifted to that level of storytelling. And Gorillaz is likely to not do that kind of phase again because there are multiple videos now discussing how phase 3 almost killed the band completely. Financially, it did kill them for a while.

Even in the early phases, Gorillaz was pushing merch and record sales. The scavenger hunts to literally find the figurines they were selling in Kong, Do Ya Thing as a whole, hell even the “Reject False Icons” campaign from phase two was getting the fans to subtly advertise the album at little to no cost to the band.

I think people use phases 3-4 to draw this hard line between “old” and “new” Gorillaz, when in reality they really aren’t that different.

Besides, I’ll take Murdoc crying on a couch (phase 6) over him calling Noodle or 2D straight up slurs (phase 1). Could go for some more focus on Russ and Noodle tho.

Edit: I will however agree that phase 6 was their flop era. That phase objectively sucked management wise, art wise and general production wise. There’s a reason that limited edition stuff for Song Machine hasn’t completely sold out in the band’s store, even 3-4 years adter releasing said limited edition stuff. 💀

Edit 2: I will also agree that the 3D models did just inherently pull some of the fluid-ness of the band's art out of the characters, because almost all 3D animation does that already. And 3D animation isn't unionised while 2D animation is.

[femalefrontedbandsconfessions]

30402

Confession: Hello guys, I was the one who submission about some abusive confessions sent over the years. I was mostly angry at all the hate "confessions" 5sos stans sent about an underage Rena. On twitter years ago grown adults would bully her, threaten physical violence against and even tell her to kill herself etc all in the name of "activism". It had gotten so bad she made her layout dark at one point and I was very worried. As a black person, her hair has never bothered me. Most of the people abusing her when white people pretending to act like "allies" towards us and tell us what is and isn't racist. That hairstyle was inspired by industrial/cyber goth culture which was very popular back in the 2000s in goth scene and I bet those horrible people don't even know about because they came from a world of pop music. Also I takes three seconds for them to google industrial goth fashion. I have some white industrial goth friends who wear similar hairstyles and none of them are racist. They're all very kindhearted sweet people with an epic taste in music, fashion and culture. That goth subculture has been popular since the late 90s and 2000s. By the way I've always loved that side of goth culture because industrial/cyber goth fashion looks so beautiful, badass and the music is awesome. I'm glad a couple of people who ran hate blogs about Cherri Bomb/Hey Violet apologized and I forgive them because they sounded very remorseful and sincere. Unfortunately one more person still runs a hate page. I confronted the person, especially about how badly Rena was treated and of course the person who runs that blog is crakkker and of course they placed the blame on an innocent child instead of placing the blame on the adults who bullied and threatened a child's life just so they can look like "political heroes" while they're a bunch of evil mean spirited political villains. I was very mad when they blame her like she was just a kid?? I also told them they sounded like a nazi, told them how performative they and that they're no "activist". Also told them to google industrial/cyber goth fashion, told them they're a pop music stan (although I love pop music but from the 80s and 2000s). Lastly I told them that 5sos sucks. Those 20 something year old white Australian men did absolutely nothing to defend her or her band. I've researched they did far worse things while in their early 20s too and barely was held accountable for it. Like always, males always get a slap on the wrist and are babied while women and young girls, especially in the industry suffer. I hate she had to apologize for having a hairstyle that's very common within the industrial goth world. Even another long time fan who's also black told her that she loved her threads and didn't need to apologize. When Rena said she was getting told to go kill herself it brought tears to my eyes. Imagine wanting to be a "political left wing activist" so bad you end up sounding just as vile, horrible and evil just like the nazis who identify as right wingers? I hope none of those people have kids of their own. Wanting to be appear like a so called "woke activist" give you no excuse to abuse kids, famous or not. Treating kids any kind of way breaks my heart so much, it's just as bad as animal abuse. I guess that's why we barely have child stars nowadays because throughout history, child stars like Shirley Temple and Judy Garland have been abused so kind of way by nasty abusive adults. I really wish Cherri Bomb/Hey Violet never met that garbage boy band because as much as some rock and metal fans can be annoying at times, pop stans can be very very awful people, especially when it comes to boy bands. Just wanted to add that Julia Pierce is now a goth dj. They all moved on from their teen years and other people should move on too. Also I'm very happy that the other hate pages got deleted while two sincerely apologized. Long confession but this is just something I wanted to speak out about. 🖤

[sibelin]

I just read that post about people harassing Skuppy online and I just....so fucking disrespectful. And WEIRD! AND HORRIBLE!! I hate how the internet has granted people like that unfettered access to musicians, especially smaller groups that can see the shit you post online about them. Ughghghhhh makes me so mad!!!

i totally agree! it's disrespectful to say the least :(

there's a huge problem with how people interact with artists nowadays and i think it's linked to the slow disappearance of communities in profit of a more self-centred approach of art. i've seen it here and on other plateforms alike: when people latch onto a band, they really don't care about what they PUBLICLY say. afterall it's all about them! not about the band or the art! which leads to people not having boundaries because why would they care. you can @ anyone on twitter, you can say whatever comes to your mind. look what happens to actors that get harassed on twitter because people find them hot. it's like the artists are there to serve their fans. which is wrong in so many way.

as someone who's always been involved in music (i've been a volunteer in festivals, music venues and i've been around bands and technical staff since i was a tiny baby), i never felt like the word "fandom" was right for whatever you call yourself as a fan of a band. actually i never heard it used for bands before making this tumblr..... ultimately, everyone can think and write whatever they want but sometimes it's good to go out and just experience how the scene is outside of whatever is happening on internet. which never happens because people refuse to go see smaller concerts and newer bands. (and when they do, they look at their phones during the opening band until their favourite guy comes up. i've seen it and it SUCKS.)

anyway, Char said everything wayyy better than what i'm trying to say but it's been bugging me for a long time so i wanted to let it out ;)

[that-girl-lyra]

My Fitness Favourites (2024 Master Post)

This is sort of like my own master post and or an update upon my previous one on Reddit, but please remember that like all things, not everything will work for everyone. I am not a doctor or certified PT (yet!). I'm just a girl who wanted to lose weight and found a passion for all things gym and fitness related :)  With that being said, I hope that you guys find the tools that I used helpful to you, and I can not wait to see your progress <3 

Apps 

Here are some of the apps that I used and still use to this day to help track my fitness progress. I’ve gone through a bunch of different fitness apps and these are by far my favorites. 

FitNotes 

This app is super straightforward. I use it each time I go to the gym or do a home workout to track the number of sets, reps, and weights. There are no ads and it's completely free. You can also add in your own workouts and machines if you can't find what you’re doing in their list. 10 out of 10, highly recommend!

FitBod 

I no longer use this app HOWEVER, if you’re just starting out I think this app would be a good place to get started. It lays out a workout plan for you based on what your goals are, and it even shows you HOW to do each workout if you’re unsure of the movements and form. I found it super helpful when I started out and I hope you do too! I will say, the free version does give you a lot, however it does have a paid plan to which I am unfamiliar. 

Tabata Timer 

Personally, nowadays I only use this app occasionally but if you’re not a fan of counting reps, this may be a better alternative. You can create workouts and customized times for sets, breaks, rests, etc. I like to use this for my kettlebells and mace work at home, but you can use it however you wish! Bonus points because it's also 100% free. We love free shit here lol. 

MyNetDiary 

Similar to MyFitnessPal, this is an app that tracks your calorie input and output. I prefer it’s interface over MyFitnessPal personally, and this is the app I used to lose 40+lbs in 2022. Along with a food scale, this is a very useful tool, and I still use it when I go into a cut. The free plan is great and it doesn't force you into a paid one. You have the option to upgrade, but its not necessary unless you really really really wanna see all of your macros besides calories, sodium, protein and carbs. 

Alarmy 

Sleep is probably one of the most important things for your overall mental and physical health. I used to suck at waking up early but I really really wanted to become an early bird and track my sleep. I found Alarmy and I haven’t looked back. In the free version, you can be awoken with annoying sounds and tasks to turn off your alarm, as well as track your sleep and sleep quality.  

Websites 

TDEE Calculator 

As I said in my previous master post, a good place to start is to find out what your TDEE is (total daily energy expenditure). Basically, how many calories you burn just by being alive. You can go from there to find out how many calories you should eat depending on if you're trying to lose/gain weight, as well as protein intake on top of your desired fitness level. A very handy tool. Just plug in your current height, weight, age, and fitness level and you’ll be good to go! 

Equipment / Tools 

Xiaomi MiFit Band  

Ima be honest, I really hated the samsung fitness watches. I went through 2 of them due to battery issues and I never even physically damaged them. I got the Xiaomi MiFit band because I was sick of paying so much money on fitness watches and this thing has the durability of a Nintendo 64 I swear. I only charge the sucker like, maybe once a week, and it gives a pretty accurate read of how many calories I burn during walking, workouts, etc. Also, the thing was like $40 or something. Ive had it over a year and the only thing I’ve had to replace was the strap (a pack of two was like $6). The strap was also my fault for breaking it lol. 

Renpho Scale 

Sort of a tool/app combo. The scale is around $20 on amazon and it tracks your weight (duh) as well as body composition to a fairly accurate degree. The gym I currently go to has a body composition machine and I’ve done a DexaScan in the past and the information between all of them is a close match. The app is free as well and I love it. 

Adjustable Dumbbells 

I love the gym, I do, but my heart will always belong to dumbbells. There is so much you can do with them from arms, legs, core, back,etc. They’re a great piece of kit and I will never stop using them. A set of adjustable dumbbells will put you back a few bucks sure, but imo, it's a worthy investment in the long run. Plus if you’re like me and you have limited space in your home, they’re a great choice. 

Supplements 

I wanna reiterate the fact that I am NOT a doctor lol but I'm sure everyone has seen a metric ton of influencers and PT’s recommending this or that supplement. Truly, I don’t take many and the only one I can recommend personally is Creatine. Just remember to drink water with it and you’re golden. Some people get a mildly upset stomach on it but again, that all depends on the person. I’ve personally never gotten an upset stomach with it and I take/have taken 2 types of Creatine (Monohydrate and Alkaline). 

You’ll hear about a “loading phase” but you don’t have to do that if you don't want to. It's not necessary. 

The only other thing I take is magnesium but that's just to help me not have hypnic jerks when I go to sleep. Literally no other reason lol.   

General Advice/Tips 

If you’re just starting out with your own fitness journey and begin to tell people that you’re working out, eating right, etc, you may experience some negativity from others. Once you say anything like “Im working out/losing weight!” everyone and their mother becomes a health expert. I’ve gotten people telling me to not lift weights because “Its bad for your bones!”, or “Your heart will explode eventually!”. 

These are people who are just jealous and they envy your dedication to yourself. Ignore them. Misery often demands company. 

You may also find lovely little messages in your dm’s from that one girl in high school who was a bully and is now shilling MLM products. Please for the love of all that is good and green on this earth, do not interact! They will send you really crappy copy and paste messages saying that they can help you on your journey with “insert snake oil product here”. 

There is no magic pill, drink, juice, cleanse, detox, whatever the hell that will do the work for you. Pyramid Schemes that are the most common for this are ItWorks, JuicePlus, Herbalife, and BeachBody. Idk if Plexus is still around but still. If you’re ever unsure about anything, I would pay a visit to r/antiMLM for more info. 

Diets, diets, diets are all the rage (as they are always). Guru’s telling their followers to eat only animal based because “its how our ancestors ate!” or “do x to lower your cortisol levels”, and “STAY AWAY FROM BREAD AND SEED OILS!”. Block, ignore, and unfollow. 

I don’t know about you, but I absolutely fucking love bread and cheese and will turn any Olive Garden within a 20 mile radius of me into my bitch with unlimited breadsticks and pasta. 

Yes, we all know certain food is healthier than others, but at the end of the day as long as you are watching what you eat, and getting your workouts in, it doesn't matter. If you want a burger then eat the burger. 

In Conclusion 

I could go on and on forever about anything and everything fitness related. Book recommendations, creators to follow/unfollow, routines…I love it all, I truly do. And one day I hope to become a certified PT myself, but until that day comes, I simply am not. I'm just a girl who got fit, and want to see others achieve their goals as well. I know how hard and awful the process can be, but I guarantee you that every step you take up that mountain is worth every second of the view at the top. 

Movement is improvement, and as long as you keep moving, you’ll keep improving. 

If you’re here reading this, then you’ve already taken step 1 and I couldn't be more proud of you. Its a hard thing to look in the mirror and say to yourself “I need to change ''. Self confrontation is often very difficult and disheartening. But where many have chosen to give up, you chose to step up. And I am so fucking thrilled that you did <3 

If anyone has anything else they’d like to share in the comments about tools and what not that you’ve used, please feel free to post them! This is a safe space for all of us. 

Thank you all for reading and I hope you find what I’ve written to be useful in your fitness journey. Keep up the good work.  

Lyra

[catb-fics]

Yeah the hate got to Van early on. There was definitely enough for it to make anyone insecure and soooo many backhanded compliments. Really sucked to see it all unfold over time cause he was always incredibly kind and sweet to fans. By 2016 when most fans came around it had dissipated and he found his new look. Then all the hate started up for their music sounding the same and being average. Most loved him but there was a ton thrown at him both by UK and non UK listeners 😔

Catfish positively shook up the indie scene out here. They were part of the whole 2014-16 tumblr girl scene just as much as The 1975. Outside of tumblr, they were pushed in North America as the second wave of The Strokes type bands which came with insanely high expectations. Seemed like Americans were expecting Van/Catfish to be another Alex Turner/ Arctic Monkeys which was not the case. Indie rock was thriving out here so Catfish kinda got pushed to the side after their second album cause there were better bands (Cage The Elephant won the hearts of Americans first). I think that’s what stunted their growth out here. Ughhh it sucked cause Van’s such a solid frontman and Catfish are great live without being polished. I miss good bands having live grit! That’s why I always loved Catfish. We all know how much Van cares about his craft, fans and that missing vibe from music nowadays.

With all the negative shit going on in music, labels are so afraid to let bands be authentic now. Bands really only need a distribution team (they get their music into record stores/retailers and streaming services) nowadays which doesn’t require a record label. But I guess if you want to go international, record labels help tons. I could go on about this for hours but nobody cares 😂

I did think it was you. I’m really sad to hear there was hate over in the US in the early days but I guess it comes with the territory being in the public eye, must still be v unpleasant to read though and a real knock to your confidence. Still bugs the hell out of me when I hear people complain they released the same album 3 times, you can bet if they came out with a completely new musical direction people would complain about that too!

It’s a shame they didn’t make it bigger over there when they were at their peak in the UK but I think it’s hard for bands to break the States. I wonder what the reception will be like when they tour over there again?

[noellehooves]

in honour of my first post ever, im gonna be talking about something that ive been brewing over for a while.

so, the pop genre in 2014-16 has been on my mind. the super upbeat style and (mostly) encouraging lyrics have always had a warm place in my heart. im talking Avicii, Maroon 5, American Authors, that sort of sound. i lived through a major part of my life listening to these bands on the radio, having moved multiple times throughout the ages 5-14 and spending most of my time in the car. i didn't have a phone until 13, so to pass the time i liked to listen to music.

my step mother and my father were always more of a metal and rock type, which i also enjoyed, but i never really thought it was my favourite genre. they never got me hyped like the pop sings back then. i guess nowadays it more sounds like commercial music, like songs you'd hear in an Old Navy ad talking about a shoe sale, but that's besides the point. anyways, what im getting at is that i grew up listening to those types of songs. im sure most people did, but it had a big part in developing my music taste now.

i still listen to those bands, and, (call me emotional), it even makes my eyes water sometimes as i think about my younger self listening to them and being so effortlessly happy. nostalgia definitely helps with that, but that's not the only thing that the genre makes me think of.

i guess it's the sort of idea that the music gives me about the future, weirdly enough. the idea of like, 'yeah, today is great and we should party, but tomorrow is gonna be even better!' is what i think of when i listen to it. the future where everyone is happy and we all have fun that i always imagined as a kid but the future i never got. i always wanted to be in the suburbs, hanging out with friends after school and riding our bikes to the gas station, the idea of belonging somewhere. the idea of listening to OneRepublic as i sit on the curb outside of the school and eating a sandwich with my friend. it's sort of a silly dream, seeing as how it's so... mediocre? it's not grandiose like most dreams are, but that's why it hurts even more to think i never got the chance to experience it, sort of.

my parents hated the idea of living in the city. my dad came from Tennessee and my mother from Colorado, so they much rather preferred to stay by themselves in the woods or in farmland. and while im not saying a cabin in the woods doesn't sound nice, it's the isolation that i hate. im not built for that life, i prefer a noiser place where things are always moving rather than dead quiet. it leaves me alone with my thoughts and obviously, as shown by this ramble, that's not particularly a good thing. i never got to experience the suburbian life, and that sucks.

back on topic. the idea that the genre promises a sort of better future is an idea that ill die by. it oddly almost resembles Fruitiger Aero, in nature. the pictures of computers with fish and dolphins and rainbows flowing out of it, the idea that technology could coexist with nature and that we would run on largely solar panels and keep the earth clean. it was made to introduce technology in a way that wouldn't startle people by promising it wasn't going to do harm, almost. that whole idea that 'hey, this is new, but it's an improvement! we're going to have a better tomorrow' is similar to the pop genre in 2014-16 to me. promising a better future that never happened, and that's why it's so enjoyable to listen to that music. the sound of happiness and pure excitement about the future is something we can't get anymore. the world is going to shit and we'll never have that sound again.

[blueempty]

I hate leaving the house but I love doing it after 5pm

Band was good today other than my cousin being exposed to covid and then coming down to yell questions across the room to my uncle??? But he wasn't near me at least otherwise I would've lost it. But we learned Galaxie by Blind Melon and Only a Fool Would Say That by Steely Dan

I have become a Last Blade stan the past 4 days and I have this weird feeling about it cuz I keep going where is Last Blade 3. And my friends both individually were like well if they made it now it would be 3D and it would suck. And i'm like yeah I dont mean now I mean where was Last blade 3 back when shit like Battle Arena Toushinden was getting its 5th sequel. We played the new Samsho tonight and that game is really good but like, its the same thing as with the Namco games. Why the fuck is Tekken the one that took off when Soul Calibur is so much better, and then over in SNK land we've got the King of Fumbles 15, and Shamshow, and theyre making a new Garou, where is fuckin Last Blade lol

But as a microcosm of how that would go nowadays I played Hibiki who is my main in LB2, but also got into Samurai Shodown somehow, and her Samsho version is just not as good or fun, and a lot of it is the 3D. Her moves dont feel as snappy and her Distance Slash has so wind effects on it you cant see the actual attack very well which makes it hard to space with. And it doesnt help its only half as long as it was before. AND they took away her 5B which is like her numero uno best button, the iconic Hibiki 5B, so I ended up playing Iroha the horny crane girl, and Genjuro the game ruining top tier. Even without knowing how to play Genjuro is a fuckin problem, that is a gormless ignorant ass character. I hope my audience of one is enjoying this fighting game rant

But yeah I love Last Blade, I bought the Arcade archives version on Switch because I just really love Hibiki's buttons. I havent actually wanted to play a fighting game since Soul Calibur 6 came out so this is big news for me. Ifk if I talked about Cybattler yesterday but I bought that too that game rules. Its like what if there was a good Gundam game

I have a couple things drawn that I havent posted on Pixiv yet cuz I wanna do them in batches and I'm almost done with the first group but I gotta draw feet again. Its going well so far tho. I did really good favric on one side and cant figure out what to do on the other one lol

Live Long and Prosper

[survey--s]

610.

How was your day today? It's been pretty good, actually. Productive but relaxing and I managed to catch up on sleep which definitely made a difference.

Are you psyched for summer? Summer is pretty much over and let's face it, the weather has been awful hahah. It's nice to be off work for a bit though.

Do you know anyone that skateboards? Nah, not really. They're not really very popular around here anymore.

Do you like to draw for fun? No.

Play any instruments? I can play piano and a little guitar but that's about it.

Would you say that music completes your day? Nope. I remember being completely obsessed with music when I was a teenager and while I enjoy it nowadays I don't really feel it has the same importance nowadays.

What is your opinion of Rebecca Black? Ha, what a throwback. I kind of felt sorry for her in a way as she wasn't very talented but I bet she made decent money of that song, so hey, good for her lol.

Ever heard of the band ‘Picture Me Broken’? I have not.

Do you have a Formspring? No. I never really liked the idea of it because it always seemed to be used for bullying.

Do you blush a lot when you're nervous? Yeah, I guess so.

Who was the last person to tell you they loved you? Mike.

Whats your opinion on stretched ears? I really don't get the appeal of it - they look awful.

What do you think of life in general? Life is pretty damn good, for the most part.

Are you Drug-Free? Yeah, I've never actually touched an illegal drug in my life.

What monster were you most scared of as a small child? I had a weirdly irrational fear of bears as a kid, lol.

A Day To Remember; Awesome. Do you agree? I like the songs of theirs that I know, but I wouldn't say they were awesome or anything like that.

Can you drive? Yes.

What was the last DVD you bought? The Lord of the Rings extended editions.

Got any weekend plans? We're going to the county show on Monday assuming the weather is good, but otherwise we don't really have any plans.

Don't you just hate it when your friends move to other states? I mean, it sucks when people move states but I mean, that's just part of life really. People move away.

Does your room need cleaning? No. Mike's side definitely needs organising though, I was looking for Simba the other day as he'd run under the bed and his side of the bed is just stuffed full of crap. It's ridiculous.

Do you like to stay up late? No. Mike gets up early for work so if I don't get to bed early enough I just end up feeling absolutely awful through lack of sleep.

[amzarashi]

no but bra shopping sucks and i hate it;/// i'm by no means the boobiest person i know, but i still got enough to give me dysphoria fuelled agoraphobia. i wear a 30HH, which is big enough to fit the circumference of my head, but the size is only available in india on parfait, which is a bit pricey for me. zivame & clovia (two of india's largest bra companies) say they're inclusive, but their sizing is terrible and they always put me into too small sizes which, before i knew any better, i bought and ended up giving me terrible back pain. i took their calculator rn since i wanted something to wear at home because of everyone nagging at me and guess what they gave me? the wrong fucking sizes.

zivame gave me a 34f/36e, which is a huge band and a way too small cup. i have a 29 inch underbust idk where they got 34 & 36 from it??? but zivame is marginally better because clovia straight up told me my size doesn't exist???/

honestly big boobed folks rarely get correct fittings and there's a lot of trial and error into finding a proper size, but it gets tiring after a while. on top of it, i'm trans so having any attention brought to my chest makes me deeply uncmfortable nowadays, so the lack of proper supportive undergarments makes my life extra miserable and i wish the garment industry as a whole factored this in since not everyone can afford super niche stuff like elizabeth valentine, ewa michalak, comexim. or katherine hamilton ╰（‵□′）╯

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #117

(taken february 21st; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Have you ever sat under a bridge? Yes, when fishing with Dad.

Do you ever go fishing or do you find it to be cruel? ^ lol what a coincidence. If you're fishing for food, I'm fine with it, but fishing solely for fun is absolutely something I find cruel nowadays. You are terrifying the life out of and damaging that animal and putting it back in the dirty water with an open wound. I'm not gonna lie and say I wouldn't still go if Dad asked me to because that was our "thing" growing up, and we also barely ever see each other, so I would suck it up in that case.

Do you have trouble remembering people’s names? Absolutely yes. You're lucky as hell if I remember your name early.

What’s your favorite kind of tree? Wisteria. I adore weeping willows, too.

Do you like mozzarella sticks? No.

Do you share any of the same favorite bands as your parents/guardians? Ozzy is like, Mom's second-favorite artist after Metallica, I'm pretty sure. I know he's WAY up there. She likes loads other bands that I like too. Dad's favorite is Van Halen (that I know of), who I also really enjoy, but they're not a real "favorite."

Have you ever been in a wedding? I was a bridesmaid in my sister's, yes. I was supposed to be one in another sister's wedding as well, but at this time Mom was diagnosed with cancer and going through chemo so getting to Ohio was out of the question. I'm pretty sure Misty had the ceremony filmed for Mom; she is basically THE only mother she's ever had and desperately wanted her there, but she of course completely and entirely understood why it wasn't reasonable.

Who’s the last person’s birthday that you celebrated? What’d you do? My niece Emerson's. Per usual for my sister's kids' parties, we really just got together at her place with family and friends, chatted, ate, let the kids play.

Are your parents divorced? If so, when did it happen? Yeah. I was like, 17-ish.

Have you ever attended a bachelorette party? No.

What do you take pictures of most often? My cat, lol.

Have you ever gotten your period more than once in a month? I feel like this has happened once? Maybe?

What’s the smallest animal that you’re afraid of? Ticks, most likely. I am TERRIFIED of them.

What was your parents’ opinion on same-sex relationships? Mom is totally for them. I don't know about Dad, but just knowing who he is as a person/the general gist of how he thinks, he probably thinks it's unnatural or weird. He was perfectly decent to Sara when she visited though and he met her, and he knew we were dating.

What’s one alcoholic beverage that you do not enjoy? I've never tried a wine I enjoyed.

Have you ever had someone throw up on you before? No, I'd basically rather die.

Do you prefer pads or tampons, if you need them? I hate both honestly, but I semi-recently went back to pads.

How old did your oldest pet live to be? What kind of pet was it? I'm pretty sure that would be my dog Teddy. He made it to 13. He was a beagle/cocker spaniel mix.

What’s the best movie without a happy ending? The Boy in the Striped Pajamas comes to mind. It's sad as absolute hell, but the ending FUCKING haunts you. It shoves in your face the absolute evil humanity is capable of, and to never, ever let an event like the Holocaust happen EVER again.

What is something you think is actually better about today’s generation? I think each generation is getting better at being accepting of people they don't understand and even encouraging them to be themselves, even if they don't "get it." Also very worth mentioning is how mental health problems are being noticeably destigmatized.

What’s the worst episode of your favorite TV show? It's not that it's a bad episode story-wise or how it's portrayed or anything, but the MM episode where Flower dies just fucking destroyed me, and I'd probably still cry if I re-watched it.

Which fictional character do you think you’d be great friends with? Clearsight from Wings of Fire.

Do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents? Absolutely not. Both are Christians, while I quite seriously abhor religion.

What’s your favorite Led Zeppelin song? "Kashmir" is fucking iconic.

Who would you call a lyrical genius? Otep Shamaya.

Who supports you financially? Mostly Mom, but also my dad.

Who knows the most about you (besides yourself)? Mom, maybe? Though there are types of things I don't share with her that I do with select others.

Would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? I know I'm not. No one would ever guess Nicole is my "little" sister given how successful, independent, and capable she is. It kinda hit me like a meteor recently how I don't think I've ever heard either of my sisters say anything along the lines of them being proud of me or anything, ever. I very genuinely think I'm embarrassing to both of them.

Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? A lady at the social security office.

What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? A metric shit-ton of things truly, but one of the strongest and most drastic is my view on gay rights. I used to be a homophobic/transphobic Christian, and now I very sincerely wish I could strangle that bitch. I am VERY pro-LGBTQ+ now and have been for many years.

How many bedrooms does your house have? TECHNICALLY three, but the extra bedroom is this spare kind of "office" room I have where I sit at the computer.

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, and let's PLEASE keep it that way. That shit sounds terrifying.

Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not really, I mean, literally every single person who lives a truly full life gets there... I don't WANT them, but knowing I will doesn't upset me.

Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? Yes. I mean all things considered, I myself am. Granted, I'm not addicted to anything that is in itself dangerous, like drugs or alcohol or self-harm, but the severity of how reliant I am on technology/the Internet is ABSOLUTELY an addiction and it severely does control my life.

Are any other members of your household home right now? Mom's home, yeah.

Were you upset when you found out certain things weren’t real? (santa, tooth fairy...) Not *upset*, no. By the time I learned those things weren't real, I'd totally suspected it. Of course I wanted them to be real, 'cuz I mean what kid DOESN'T want to believe in fun, magical stuff like that, but I wasn't upset at all.

Name something you’re proud of. Brag a little bit. I really am proud of myself for how dedicated I'm being in job-hunting. It feels FUCKING GOOD to FINALLY be in a place where I feel like if I find the right conditions, I really can work. I'm checking the Indeed website every single day, searching various terms or job titles that I think might bring up something worth investigating, and I refuse to stop until I find something.

Where would you like to go right now? I miss Girt already lol, I wish he was here or I was at his place, but he's working today. He stayed late last night (and it takes him around 30 minutes to get home) so he's probably a zombie right now.

Do you pay any attention to celebrity drama? Uh no, I could NOT care less.

What’s been an embarrassing phase you went through? If the "s0 raNdOM XDDD!!!!" pre-teen Brittany manifested as her own human being, I would LITERALLY set out on a quest to murder her and bury her miles underground lmfao

What’s the ugliest animal in your opinion? Probably like, the blobfish lmao.

What about cutest? Meerkats. Call it a bias, but COME ON, they're foot-tall little furry dudes with big eyes and make cute noises and can stand on their hind legs thinkin' they're all big 'n' shit, I FUCKING love them.

Are you good at math? No, and I've gotten worse and worse the older I've gotten. Whenever numbers are involved in honestly like, anything, I just CANNOT interpret information. Like you can explain and explain and explain, and I'm just NOT going to understand. It's honestly extremely embarrassing, just how bad my ability to understand math is.

Have you given any thought about what the Christian god looks like? How they think their devil looks. :^)

What’s your most used emojis? Most likely the sobbing one. I use it for both obviously sad cases but probably even more so like the "crying from laughing" kind of way.

Who’s one of the most talented people you know? What are they talented at? That's... so hard, picking just one. I absolutely consider Tez very high on this list, given his fantastic art skills, in a serious plethora of forms. I also think he's a very strong writer with FANTASTIC character-building skills.

Have you ever experienced a medical emergency? Yes. Off the top of my head, a concussion and a cold medicine overdose. I don't THINK breaking my wrist was a real medical emergency, like I obviously wasn't dying or at any serious, life-threatening risk.

Are you muscular? Uh, NO.

Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes; they're kinda mandatory for me anyway, using a shower chair. Even when I could comfortably shower standing up though, I very much preferred when you could remove them because I found it much easier to thoroughly get soap off everywhere.

How many burners does your stove have? Four.

When you go to a restaurant, do you prefer to sit at a booth or a table? Booth.

Has your car ever been broken into? No.

What genre was the last song you listened to? Who provided the vocals? Uh Asking Alexandria is some kind of heavier metal, but the song is a Nine Inch Nails cover, and I have no idea what you'd consider the genre of the OG bc I don't really listen to or like that band. The singer of Asking Alexandria at the time was Danny Worsnop, apparently.

Do you have any medical appointments coming up anytime soon? Always, honestly... I know I'm fucking finally seeing an endocrinologist soon, I think next month or the one after.

Have you heard anyone singing today, or has anyone sung in your presence? Besides listening to music, no, I don't think so.

What food or drinks makes your teeth hurt? Ice cream absolutely can.

Who did you last hold hands with? Girt.

Do you have a loud or more soft laugh? I'm a fucking hyena stg

Is there anyone who makes you smile no matter what mood you’re in? Girt seriously can.

Have you ever stargazed with someone? Kinda, I guess.

Are there any things coming up that you have to travel for? Uhhhh not that I know of. I know Mom wants to go back up to New York, but it's looking like she MIGHT be reconciling with and seeing her absolute rancid shitbag of a brother that nearly tore the family apart after their mom died, and I told her I fucking REFUSE to go if we're staying at his house. I won't even visit that fucking house, ever again. He is no family of mine. My mom is way more forgiving than I am, but what's wild is it's not like Rob has changed at all... The law just squeezed him into doing what he had to do if he didn't want to go to jail. Her other brother Bill, who REALLY dealt with Rob and his catastrophic bullshit, is on the same page as me; he refuses to call him family ever again. I'll stay with HIS family if we go up there. I absolutely adore his wife and want to see her again anyway.

What’s one of your biggest accomplishments today? I actually very thoroughly did my PT exercises. More than I usually do, with more focus, and the appropriate number of sets. I FELT it. I'm getting better about doing them as time passes; it's just been a challenge to remember them and solidify them into my routine.

What was the name of the main character in the last book you read? In the one I'm currently in the process of reading, his name is Turtle.

What was the last pill you took? Ibuprofen. I had a headache. Probably from staying up all night last night and only allowing myself to sleep like, 2-3 hours in the morning...

If you were a rockstar, what color guitar would you have? Ehhhh maybe black, but with a cool design or texture on it.

What are three other names you like that start with the same letter as your name? Uhhh Bianca, Bella, and uh... Belle? Not many come to mind that I really love.

Have you ever met a Jason that you didn’t like? A Jason scarred me for life, lmfao, but I don't not like him.

What was the name of the person who bullied you the most in high school? Just Rachel, really. But that was brief... ish.

[thisaintascenereviews]

Nickelback - Get Rollin’ Remember in the mid-00s when you couldn’t go anywhere without someone making a “Nickelback sucks” joke? There’s a Vine that I remember quite fondly that’s a dad checking his son’s Halloween candy, and after pushing a gun aside, he sees a Nickelback CD, which is the thing he ultimately gets mad about. Nowadays, the Nickelback jokes aren’t that funny, but it’s kind of because Nickelback isn’t relevant. I also recall that Nickelback fans went crazy over people disliking them; if you went into the comments of any meme or video that people posted about how bad they were, you’d have fans shouting about how they’re not that bad, and people only say that because it’s a joke, or they go with the trends, not because they actually dislike them. To that, I say that’s bullshit, only because Nickelback is bad, although I don’t think they’re the worst band ever. I mean, Falling In Reverse exists, and so does Five Finger Death Punch, but I digress. Really, Nickelback’s problem is that they’re so boring. Their music is tailormade for the most boring and uninteresting person that almost wants a corporate-made formula for music. Take the most tired and boring cliches of rock music on top of the most boring and cliched instrumentation and melodies that add nothing to the world at large, and there you go, you have Nickelback. They’re just so lazy, boring, and uninspired, I don’t understand how people can like them, even if some of their music can be fun, but it’s in more like a guilty pleasure kind of way. You know it’s bad, but you like it, anyway. I’ve seen people say that you shouldn’t be ashamed for what you like, and it’s not even about that, it’s just about being self-aware and knowing that something is awful, but you kind of enjoy it, anyway. Enough rambling, because we got a new album from Nickelback to talk about, and I’m not looking forward to it, but it’s not because Get Rollin’, which is the dumbest name I’ve heard for an album in a long while, is bad. It’s more so because I don’t have a lot to say about this record, although there are a few things to talk about. For starters, this album kind of surprised me, because it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Nickelback sucks, and I went into the album expecting that, but what I got was a mixed bag of stuff that’s bad, decent, and kind of good (but in a guilty pleasure way, and not in the “this is actually good” kind of way). I wouldn’t say I hate this album, but I don’t like it, either. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard, and there are some songs that made me raise my eyebrow a bit. This album has three distinct “sounds” -- hard-rock songs that kind of teeter on heavy metal, cliched and corny rock songs that are extremely bland and unseasoned, and a couple of weirdly placed country-rock songs that are also really bland and uninteresting. The metal-adjacent songs are actually kind of decent, such as opener “San Quentin,” “Skinny Little Missy,” and “Vegas Bomb,” among a few more, but it’s more so they have solid enough riffs and hooks that keep them afloat. Chad Kroeger sounds decent on these songs, too, making his vocals actually kind of work, but the rest of the album doesn’t do anything for me. “Those Days” is a really bland song about the “good old days,” “Does Even Heaven Know You’re Missing” is one of the worst “love” songs I’ve ever heard, especially with how cringy the lyrics are, and “Tidal Wave” is a totally forgettable song about something to do with a tidal wave, and “High Time” is a weird country-rock song that doesn’t work at all. This album is just a weird mixed bag of stuff that doesn’t work, but what did I expect for Nickelback? I didn’t expect much going into this album, mainly that it would be a typical Nickelback, and in some respects, it is. I mean, you have the obnoxious or corny lyrics that don’t do anything for me, either way. Even the obnoxious and stupid lyrics aren’t fun enough for me to get super into it on a purely fun level, but the corny lyrics are just plain awful. Oh god, I hate them so much, and I just cringe every time those songs play. I’ve only played this album a couple of times, and that’s enough for me. I don’t need to listen to this album anymore. For what it’s worth, the heavy metal-ish songs aren’t half bad, but they’re not good, either way. I’d listen to an album of those, but I wouldn’t necessarily say I’d like it. I don’t really like those songs, and the rest of the album isn’t good, either. At least there’s variety, so I can appreciate that, but the variety we got kind of sucks. I’m glad the album’s short enough, only 41 minutes, because it doesn’t take that much time, even though 41 minutes is definitely enough Nickelback Hell, one minute is enough Nickelback for me. It’s not even that I actively dislike them, it’s that I find them so bland and boring, I don’t like them. They’re so lazy to me, and this album changes my mind slightly, because there is some energy on certain songs, but other songs still feel so phoned in. The song about Heaven missing an angel is so bad, and I really hate that song, because it’s so corny and badly written. It’s so awful, but when Nickelback lets loose a little bit, the album’s slightly better and I’m having a bit of fun, but it’s Nickelback, so I’m taken out of it immediately.

[malfoysstilinski]

girl in the mirror | DRACO MALFOY

MASTERLIST

PAIRING: Draco Malfoy x Muggle!Reader

WORD COUNT: 2.1k 

SUMMARY: in which draco and y/n are soulmates and can hear each others’ music, and you’ve been blasting sad songs all week, worrying draco. 

WARNINGS: one mean joke about americans sozzles 

A/N: based on the tiktoks where soulmates can hear each others’ music. i dont think ive seen an imagine like that on here so i thought i’d write one :)) also set in 2010s 

In the Wizarding world, on your thirteenth birthday, you are officially bound to your soulmate. This means different things for different wizards and witches, depending on what they valued. For example, when Blaise Zabini turned thirteen, he was able to see his soulmate in mirrors-- fitting considering how self-obsessed he was. 

Draco, however, heard music. You must be obsessed with it, he realised. He found out he was right pretty quickly, waking up to the sound of your playlists muffled in his ears and falling asleep to them too. 

It was always Muggle music too. You must be a half-blood, or even… Merlin forbid, a Muggle-born. Realising that his soulmate wasn’t going to be a pure-blood like his parents had planned, Draco kept the news to himself and worked on his vocabulary. He tried his best to bite his tongue around Granger, ignoring his friends when they made fun of their ‘dirty’ blood.

He didn’t want to hurt you when he got to meet you. 

It took Draco longer than it should have to realise you definitely didn’t go to Hogwarts. How could you when he’d be sat in assemblies, the room so silent you could hear a pin drop, and all he’d hear is the thumping of your music in his ears as if he was underwater?

“She’s probably an American,” Pansy pretends to gag, the others laughing with her. 

“Could be a Beauxbaton,” Blaise suggests. 

Draco doesn’t like to make assumptions, but he thinks you are definitely a Muggle. It’s rare, but not unheard of in the Wizarding world, especially nowadays. For the Malfoys, though, it would be an outrage. 

You play your music the most when he’s eating dinner in the Great Hall or when he’s getting ready for bed. 

At first, he hated it. He hated your music, he hated how his head was rarely ever quiet, and he hated that he didn’t know who you were in order to beg you to take your headphones out for once. 

However, Draco learnt to love your music. Songs and bands he’d never heard of before quickly became his favourites and eventually, he found himself humming your Muggle tunes in the common room or quietly singing along in his dorm when the other boys were out doing whatever. 

He learned to love having your music in his head, especially as the years rolled on and his life became harder and harder. It made him feel like he was never alone, your muffled melodies making a home in his head and pushing out all of his anxiety and depression. 

Draco wanted to dance with you to them. He liked to lay in bed at night and listen to your songs and imagine that you’re lying next to him. He bets you have a nice singing voice. Maybe you can even play an instrument or two. Maybe you could teach him how to play the guitar, and maybe he could show you how to play his favourite pieces on the piano. 

Your music is never too upbeat, but today Draco feels like he hasn’t heard a single song that wasn’t about being sad. As he trudged from class to class, Draco couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong with you. It had been going on for the past few days, and the music stopped altogether on one of the days. 

He went to bed with an empty head for the first time in a few years, staring at his ceiling. He plugged his iPod in and went to the Muggle section, playing a few of your favourite songs. It wasn’t the same. 

“What’s up with you?” Blaise demands as Draco doesn’t touch his meal for the second time that day. 

Draco glances to his friend and looks away, shaking his head. “Mind your own business, Zabini,” he mutters weakly. 

Blaise’s soulmate, a Slytherin in the year below, joins them at sitting on the table and Blaise immediately forgets all about Draco, the two of them giggling as they hug each other. Draco thought he could throw up right there and then, shaking his head in disgust. 

Green was Draco’s colour and Merlin was he jealous. 

Why did you have to be a stupid Muggle?

Draco immediately feels bad for even thinking it. He wants to hug you and kiss the top of your head and mutter apology after apology. The soft feeling makes him feel weak. You did things to him that nobody else did, and he doesn’t even know who you were. The fact that you were most likely going through a rough time right now made it ten times worse. 

“What’s wrong with Draco?” He hears Zabini’s girl whisper. 

“Why don’t you ask me yourself?” Draco snaps, lip curling in disgust. “Instead of talking behind my back like a coward!”

“Draco,” Blaise growls. “I don’t know what’s up with you, mate, but you need to calm down.”

“It’s your soulmate, isn’t it?” Pansy quirks an eyebrow from opposite them. “Are they playing that rubbish song you hate on repeat again?”

“No,” Draco hisses in defence of you. “I like that song, thank you.”

Pansy holds her hands up. “Okay, whatever. Sorry, Malfoy. What has got your knickers in a twist, then?”

He hesitates. He doesn’t like talking about you to anybody else but he’s really worried and he thinks maybe one of them might be able to help. 

“She’s…” Draco’s eyes drift to burn holes in the table in front of him. “She’s been listening to sad songs.”

Goyle snorts, making Draco’s head snap to him in fury. 

“Sorry, Malfoy, sorry… But that does sound ridiculous, mate,” Goyle admits. “She’s probably just into that… genre?”

“No, you don’t understand,” Draco huffs and shakes his head. “You don’t know her like I do. Something’s wrong with her, I can tell.”

“Well, why don’t you visit her?” Blaise asks, grabbing a grape and popping into his mouth. 

“What?” Draco spits. “Is that a joke, Zabini? I don’t find it funny--”

“I’m not joking,” Blaise frowns. “Merlin’s sake, Malfoy. Do you not pay attention in Charms?”

“Of course I do,” Draco hesitates, lying. “But what are you talking about, anyway?”

…

Draco feels ridiculous as he stands in front of the mirror in the bathrooms later that night. It’s silent since it’s the middle of the night, but Draco knows you’re awake because of the glum music playing faintly in his ears. 

He wants to visit you like Blaise told him to do, and as he stands in front of the mirror and casts his incantations, he can’t help but wonder if this is a setup. He doesn’t give his hopes up, doesn’t hold his breath that when he opens his eyes you’ll be on the other side of the mirror. 

But he wants you to be. He wants you to be there so badly. 

Draco does sort of believe it so he put on his black turtleneck and black suit and combed his hair like usual, replacing the uniform and robes he’d been wearing all day. He doesn’t want you to see him and be disappointed. 

He knows he won’t be disappointed no matter what you look like or what you are. 

Draco takes a deep breath as he lowers his wand and closes his eyes. When he counts down and opens his eyes, he’s stunned into silence by the sight in front of him. His heart skips a beat and he nearly chokes on his own spit. 

Staring back at him in the mirror is not his own pale reflection but what looks like a bedroom. The mirror glows orange from the lighting and he can see that it’s decorated with posters and records and other Muggle things. Draco doesn’t even process that you’re a confirmed Muggle at this point, he doesn’t care enough about that. 

On a single bed in the middle of the room, sat up in the very centre with headphones in and a laptop in front of her, is a girl his age. She’s got beautiful y/s/c skin and y/c/h locks that have been thrown up into a messy bun, her y/c/e trained on the screen in front of her as she watches what he assumes is a film or a tv show. 

She’s wearing a school uniform, not quite as posh as Hogwarts’, and it’s slightly crumpled from sitting in her bed with it on. Her polished black shoes are nowhere to be seen, rips in the bottom of her tights no doubt from wearing them thin five days a week. 

Draco can’t believe he’s looking at you right now. He reaches his hand out, eyes widening when his fingers seem to slip past the glass and he’s sucked into another world-- your world. He wasn’t expecting it to happen, a small yelp leaving his lips as he tumbles straight out of the mirror hanging on your wall and onto your carpet. 

You both scream as you make eye contact and you’ve thrown your laptop about in a panic. There’s no music in his ears now that he stands in front of you. Draco breathes heavily, unsure what to say. 

“Um, hello?” He offers. 

“What the hell?” You yell. “What are you doing in my bedroom? Who are you? My laptop!”

You ignore him as you dive off of the bed and pick it up. The screen is smashed making you glare at him harder. 

“I’m sorry!” Draco practically squeaks. “I- I have Galleons--”

“Who are you?” You cut him off roughly. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Draco keeps repeating, hoping you will calm down. “I-I’m Draco Malfoy.”

“Draco Malfoy?” You repeat with a mocking laugh. “Is that a joke?”

“No,” he replies, voice pitched higher than usual with offence. “What’s your name?”

Normally you wouldn’t tell a stranger your name, but this situation is anything but normal. You stare at the boy for a few seconds, wondering why he feels familiar. There’s something about him that has you relaxing under his gaze, which is weird because he literally just appeared out of nowhere. 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you reply sceptically. 

Draco smiles, “beautiful name.”

“Are you like a nonce or something?”

“Nonce?” Draco crinkles his nose in confusion. 

You narrow your brows at him. “You’re literally British-- how do you not know what that means?”

“I’m not… I don’t really come from your kind of England,” Draco doesn’t know how to explain there is an entire world she’s been hidden from-- this is the first Muggle he’s ever had a conversation with. 

“Are you Welsh?” 

“Do I sound Welsh to you?” Draco cocks his head to the side, already amused. 

“Sometimes I can’t tell the difference, not gonna lie,” you reply. “But no. I’m sure you’re English. You sound like you’re a private school kid or something.”

“I guess I am,” Draco replies quietly, looking around your bedroom and taking in all of the colours that it has. 

You seem to snap out of whatever daze you were in. “Hey! You distracted me. Now tell me what the hell you’re doing in my bedroom before I call the police.”

Draco’s tongue darts out to wet his lips as he contemplates his next words. He hesitates and sits down on your bed next to you. You can smell his cologne-- it smells much more expensive than the Lynx sprays the boys at college seem to be obsessed with. 

“Do you ever hear music in your ears?” He asks, watching your eyes widen in conformation. “You do. That’s… that’s me. My music. I hear your music too. You listen to it all the time. Um… normally a lot of bands and stuff.”

There’s a long silence. “Do you have me on Spotify?”

“What’s Spotify?” Draco’s nose crinkles. 

“You probably just see what I listen to on Spotify!” You claim, standing up as you become weary of the boy on your bed. 

Draco still doesn’t quite understand your Muggle terminology, but he gets the gist of what you’re trying to imply. 

“That doesn’t explain the music you hear in your head from me,” Draco tries. “Or how I just came out of your mirror.”

You look overwhelmed. “What are you?” You whisper. 

“We, Y/N, are soulmates.”

...

yuh

PART TWO HERE

[maladaptive---daydreamer]

Black ribbon and silver bows

The fifth of may meant that there were exactly 2 months until Draco turned 17. Draco had gone above and beyond for your birthday, spoiling you with 17 individually wrapped gifts that he sent you on a wild goose chase around the school to find. You wanted to make him equally as special as he made you feel, but what did you get the boy who could get anything he wanted?

You thought about getting him a pet, but you didn’t think his mother would appreciate a cat roaming around the halls of the Malfoy Manor. Then you thought about getting him a broom, but as usual, Draco already had the best of the best. Your mind turned to clothes, but the man only wore black shirts with tailor-made trousers. 

“Still thinking about what to get Draco?” Blaise’s voice asked, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Ugh yes, anything I think of, he already has”

“You’re fault for choosing rich, should have dated a Weasley, they’d be over the moon with an unworn robe” 

You smacked Blaise’s arm “Don’t be so rude, Blaise. Just because you don’t like them doesn't mean you can be a prick”

“Why don’t you make him something? I’m sure the elves would let you sneak into the kitchen to cook, you could draw something, write him a poem”

If you were a cat, your ears would have pricked at hearing the word ‘draw’, Draco was never a fan of the decorations in his room, maybe you could paint him a painting that he could hang up on his wall.

“You might have just saved Draco’s birthday”

The increase of chatter across the library hinted that your free period was over and it was now time for lunch. You and Blaise collected your things and returned the books to the returns trolley before making your way to the great hall. You bumped into Draco, Pansy and Daphne on your way there. The five of you made your way to the Slytherin table to see Crabbe and Goyle already tucking in. 

“Why am I not surprised that you two gluttons are the first on the table?” Blaise asked, throwing his school bag down and taking a seat. 

The rest of your group sat down as well, the elves had made different variations of chicken wraps for lunch today. You picked up a grilled chicken wrap and began eating it, famished after your hour of revision during your free period. You had just finished the first one when Draco said your name.

“You’ve got sauce on your mouth, darling”

You stuck your tongue out trying to lick it off but you kept missing. 

“Hold still a sec” Draco instructed. He used his thumb to wipe the spot of sauce from your mouth, licking it off his thumb once he was done. 

“Ah my saviour!” you fake swooned. 

He laughed and continued to eat his lunch. You wolfed another half of a wrap before feeling full. 

“Are we still revising for charms after dinner?” Daphne asked, looking up from her homework. 

“I’m on it, but the boys have quidditch practise until 7, so they’ll have to join in later” You replied, snapping the lid of your lip balm back on

“Actually, practice is cancelled, so Blaise and I’ll be there” Draco added, downing the rest of his pumpkin juice.

“Y/N, you alright?” 

Your head whipped around to see Neville Longbottom standing behind you.

“Are you lo-” Draco began to sneer

You pinched the outside of his thigh making him grit his teeth instead of finishing his sentence. “Neville, hi”

“I just wanted to return your charms notes, they were dead useful, thanks,” He said with a light blush, holding your pile of notes out.

“Oh, thank you. I’m so glad you found them helpful” You took the notes from him with a smile. 

“Have a nice rest of the afternoon,”

“You too Neville,”

He returned to his friends and your friends turned onto you.

“Why are you so nice to him?” Blaise demanded.

“Oh merlin, when are you guys going to get over this rivalry, he needed help, so I helped him.”

“He’s also Longbottom”

You rolled your eyes. “Anyways, does anyone want to let me copy the last two questions for the dada homework?”

Daphne slid her roll of parchment over to you and you quickly scribbled the answers. Just as you had screwed on the cap for your ink lid, the bell for your next lesson rang. Nowadays your lessons were less structured, it was two months before exam season which meant the teachers pushed to revise topics rather than introducing new ones. Some teachers preferred to let you get on in groups doing your own thing, others had a strict revision lesson planned. But one thing was for certain exams had definitely taken over your life.

After your charms revision session with your friends, you and Draco found yourselves walking up to the astronomy tower. The sun was beginning to set as you nestled yourself into his lap.

“Don’t you think it’s mad that in a couple of years we won’t be able to do this anymore?” You asked, tightening his arms around you.

“We can watch the sunset from anywhere love”

“Ha ha you know what I mean idiot”

“I’m ready to leave this place”

“Sorry Mr ‘I should have been in Durmstrang’”

“I should have, my father agreed more with their curriculum”

“Maybe cause his old death eater buddy was running it”

“He’s your father's old death eater buddy too”

“My father never thought about sending me to Durmstrang”

“That’s because it’s a boys-only school, love”

“I don’t like you”

“That’s because you love me,”

“Speaking of love, do you remember the first moment you realised you loved me?”

He paused “As a matter of fact I do”

“Do tell, Mr Malfoy”

“We were at that party at the Parkinson’s in our 3rd year. You had a silver dress on. Your mum forced you into these heels and you hated them. You wobbled over to me and clung to my arm the whole night. But as soon as we were shooed away from the adults, you took them off and practically shoved them into my hands and started walking around barefoot. Pansy’s grandmother came out of the parlour and saw you without your shoes on and went berserk, she called you a disgrace, all our mothers came out to see what was going on and I’m pretty sure your mum looked like she was going to kill you”

“I remember that! Then I transfigured her ostrich feather boa into a snake around her neck!”

“She nearly pissed her pants” He laughed, causing you to smile.

“So is that your favourite memory of us?”

“No, my favourite memory takes place in our 4th year at the Yule ball. I didn’t want to dance in front of all those idiots but you pulled me up there anyway. But as soon as you held my hand it was like they all disappeared and it was just me and you. I spun you out and when you spun back into my arms, I dipped you and you looked so beautiful. But that is fighting for the top spot from the time you sucked me off in the restricted section, and the time you floo’ed into my room last summer at 2 am and I absolutely ruined you”

“Okay okay I get the picture your favourite memories are when we have sex”

“Not all of them, just some, what’s yours?”

“5th year, Christmas break, your parents’ Christmas party, you hid my promise ring inside my dessert” you held your hand up letting your ring sparkle in the candlelight, it was simple, a small princess cut emerald on a gold band, but it was oh so precious “You kept staring at me and I was so confused, I wasn’t even looking at what I was eating until you jerked my hand back and told me to look in the spoon and there it was. You cleaned it off and slid it on my finger right in front of everyone. Or maybe it was the time you made me sit on your face when we snuck into a room at the leaky cauldron”

Draco laughed and lifted your hand up and played with the ring. “After we finish Hogwarts, I’m gonna replace this ring with a diamond one”

“You are?” 

“Why do you sound so surprised, I told you already I was going to change your last name to mine, even your parents know”

“I know but I didn’t know you wanted to do this so early"

“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?”

“You are so whipped”

Draco shoved you off him playfully.

“But it’s okay because I’m equally as whipped” you replied sitting back in his lap.

“You’d better be, otherwise I’d-”

“You’d what? Tell your father?”

“Right, that’s it” His fingers found your sides as he began tickling you. By the time he felt as though he tortured you enough, you were both breathless. 

“I love you," He said, smoothing your shirt down.

“I love you more”

“Who’s up here?” Filch’s voice grumbled. 

You and Draco grinned at each other as you quickly threw your robes on and lifted the hoods, running straight past Filch and into the Slytherin common room. 

You had now learnt what Draco’s favourite memory of you was. All that was left was actually getting around to paint it. If you weren’t in a lesson, you were revising, usually most of the time with Draco. Even on weekends, you found yourself in in the library completing practise exam papers and testing yourself on flashcards. And any time you weren’t working, you and Draco used as an opportunity to spend time with one another without being bogged down with work. You’d already decided that the room of requirement would be the perfect place to start painting, but the issue was figuring out how you’d be able to sneak there and back without arousing suspicion. 

After much deliberation, you decided that your best option for sneaking out was on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Every Tuesday after dinner, Draco and Blaise would go out to the quidditch pitch to blow off some steam, by the time he had finished and showered, you were almost always already in bed. On Wednesday, you decided you’d tell Draco a little white lie and say that Flitwick had asked you to tutor a struggling 5th year in Charms, it would give you a few hours to yourself to get ahead with painting. 

The upcoming Tuesday your plan was in action, you made Daphne swear she wouldn’t tell Draco where you were and you made your way to the room of requirement. It was honestly a Godsend. You stepped into a room full of different sized canvasses, there were tubes of oil paint and palettes of watercolours and squeezy bottles of acrylic. A table was full of paintbrushes of different sizes and shapes and there were an easel and chair right in the middle of the room. 

You picked out a large rectangular canvas and placed it landscape on the easel and got to sketching the outline of your painting. If all went to plan, it would be a loop of Draco’s favourite memory of the two of you at the ball, if it didn’t well, then it would be a still image and if everything went south, you’d have to somehow find a way to get some lingerie to distract him from your lack of presents. 

Painting the canvas was going to be the hard part, sketching the outline, however, was proving to be a huge nightmare already, you had drawn and redrawn Draco’s face about a hundred times, not being able to get it exactly right. You were about to kick a hole in your canvas when a small a5 picture caught your eye, stuck under the foot of the easel. You picked it up to see a photograph of the exact moment you were trying to recreate. This was why you loved this room, taking a deep breath, you redrew Draco’s face finally getting it as you liked it. By the time you had finished the full outline, it was almost two am, you knew you were going to struggle to wake up in the morning, but that was something for future you to deal with, present you had to find a way to sneak out of the room and back to your dormitory without detection. 

In order to make as little noise as possible, you took your shoes off and ran across the castle in just your socks, you were only a few steps away from the entrance to the common room before Mrs Norris came around the corner. She meowed loudly as you whisper-shouted the password, the corridor revealing itself. You ran down it and straight up the stairs into your dormitory. You tried to get into bed as quietly as possible before falling asleep. 

In hindsight, staying up sketching until 2 am was a horrible idea. It was only 1 in the afternoon and you were struggling to stay awake. 

“I don’t get why you don’t just pay someone to paint it for you,” Daphne asked, scrunching a piece of paper into a ball and throwing it in the bin beside you.

“Because then there's no sentimental value behind it” You replied, massaging your temples.

“What time did you fall asleep anyway?”

“By the time I drowned out Pansy’s snoring it was 3, I was just lucky I had a free period first so I ended up getting an hours extra sleep”

“Merlin, remind me to never fall in love”

You laughed before rubbing your eyes and returning to your work. 

It took you four weeks of staying up till 2 am to finish Draco’s painting. You had spent hours mixing the right shades of paint, at one point you ended up getting rid of the paint on the whole canvas and starting again but exactly three weeks before Draco’s birthday, you had mastered the spell to make your painted figures move and your masterpiece was complete. Your only worry was that Narcissa Malfoy would hate it and would stop her son from hanging it in his bedroom. 

In order to get the huge canvas from the room of requirement back to your dormitory, you had to ask Neville to ask Harry if you could borrow his invisibility cloak. If Draco had found out that you got Harry’s help you were 90% sure he’d be the one kicking a hole in your canvas. For now, the canvas was safely tucked under your bed. 

The next morning, you stuffed Harry’s cloak in your bag and made your way down to meet him. You had agreed the previous evening that you’d meet outside Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom before breakfast to make the exchange. As planned, he was stood with Neville right outside the entrance to the toilet. You pulled the cloak out and handed it back to Harry. 

“Thank you, I know you and Draco don’t like each other, but it means a lot that you'd go out on a limb to help me.”

“While I question your choice in men, Y/L/N, you’ve helped Neville out on more than one occasion and any friend of Neville’s is a friend of mine.”

You smiled at Harry, “I’m gonna head to breakfast before Draco gets suspicious, see you boys, later”

They waved goodbye as you made your way back to breakfast, stopping in the normal girl's toilet to sort your shirt out which you found you were wearing inside out. Your group of friends were already sat down eating, all but Draco.

“Where is he?” You asked.

“Couple third years said they had to tell him something in private, oh wait, speak of the devil” 

You turned and he did not look happy. His jaw was clenched and he was walking oddly fast, he came to you and gripped you firmly by the arm. “Can I speak to you, outside, Y/N”

You looked at him confused but followed him out. As soon as you were out of earshot from the hall he turned around to face you, he looked pissed, he kept walking forward until you were pinned between him and the wall. 

“You want to tell me why some friends in 3rd year saw you giving Potter his invisibility cloak back?”

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, darling, we both know you’re not. ‘it looked like she was holding something but there wasn't anything in her hand’. Why did you have his cloak”

“I was planning on recreating that memory of yours in the restricted section for your birthday, I asked Neville if I could borrow Harry’s cloak to get us there and back but then I remembered you wouldn’t have come if we were using his cloak so I gave it back” You lied smoothly 

He swallowed and nodded, not moving back. You pushed him off and scoffed. 

“Is this what you’re doing now? Sending third years to follow me?”

“You of all people should know I have eyes and ears everywhere.”

“Those eyes and ears shouldn't be snooping on your girlfriend”

“They wouldn’t have to if you weren’t lying to me about where you were for the past month.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Helping a 5th year with Charms as per the request of Flitwick? Well not according to the professor himself”

“Dra-”

He laughed, “Can’t even cover up your lies properly. Why don't I give you a few hours to come up with a cover story, I can’t bear the sight of you right now” Draco turned and walked away, ignoring you as you called out for him. 

He acted as though you didn’t exist for all of your lessons, he didn't sit next to you, he didn't speak to you, he barely looked at you. You chose to have dinner alone in your room that night. It had occurred to you during your second period that Draco thought you were cheating on him with Harry. It made sense, you were sneaking around and you were seen giving Harry’s cloak back as if to say that you two had been meeting up in secret under it. But it also made absolutely no sense either, you and Draco had been together since the beginning of your 3rd year. Your father was a death eater for Pete’s sake, it didn’t take a genius to realise you’d be disowned if you brought home Harry fucking Potter. 

You were partway through your transfiguration homework when Daphne came bounding up into the dormitory.

“Right, what is going on with you and Draco?” She asked, throwing her bag on the floor and collapsing on her bed.

“Nothing,” You lied.

“See that is absolute bullshit because he has been a moody prick all day and you skipped dinner, so come out with it, spill”

You sighed and explained everything. 

“Why don’t you just tell him the truth then?”

“Because if I do, it’ll ruin the surprise”

“And if you don’t it’ll end your relationship, my mother is over the moon at the fact that I’ll be a bridesmaid at a Malfoy wedding, you don’t want to crush her dreams do you?”

“You’re right, do you know where he is?”

“He went straight into his dormitory”

You nodded and made your way there. He was joined by his friends.

“Rest of you out, thanks,” You said, walking in and standing in the middle of the room. 

Blaise looked at Draco and he nodded, prompting him, Theodore and Goyle to leave. He refused to look at you. You took a seat at the end of his bed and began to explain.

“I’m well aware you think I’m cheating on you with Potter, but that’s really the complete opposite of what’s happening. The truth is, for the past few weeks, I’ve been arranging your birthday present. I finished it last night and I asked for Harry’s cloak so I could bring it back to my dormitory without revealing the surprise. That’s where I’ve been sneaking off to. Not to go snog Potter under his invisibility cloak”

“Oh”

“Bet you feel really fucking stupid now don’t you,” You scoffed

“I’m sorry, darling,”

“Do you not think? Could you imagine my parents’ reaction if I brought home Potter? They’d disown me faster than you came the first time we-”

He grabbed you into a hug before you could finish your sentence.

“I am truly sorry, princess, for jumping to conclusions and for ruining my surprise.”

“Well, you haven’t totally ruined it, you don’t know what it is yet.”

“Can we come back in yet, I need to get out of this fucking uniform” Theodore shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

Draco shouted back a yeah and his friends returned. 

“See you two’ve kissed and made up, about time too, Draco’s a right git when he's moody”

Draco threw a pair of balled-up socks at Blaise’s head before you got up off the bed.

“I’ll meet you in the common room once I’ve finished my homework,” You told him before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He mumbled an okay before kissing you once more and you were on your way. 

The next morning, at breakfast, you noticed your father’s owl descend onto the table in front of you. You took the letter expecting him to fly off and return home but he waited expectantly, clearly, he was told to wait until you replied. He hopped up onto your arms as you took him to the owlery to recuperate while you read your letter and replied. 

Y/N, 

You’re hopefully aware that it is Draco’s birthday in a few weeks, I hope that you have got him an adequate gift. You know how important your 17th birthday is and as I remember, Draco spoilt you with 17 gifts. Since you are a young lady, you're not expected to gift him anything as lavish as some of the presents he gave you, but tradition dictates that you should get him something worthy of a pureblood wizard, in particular jewels. Please reply as soon as possible, only so I know that you won’t embarrass your father and I (and in the case you do, I can send you an alternative). Your brothers and your father send their regards. We miss you. 

Mother

You rolled your eyes at her need for keeping up appearances and quickly scribbled her back a reply. You wished you were at home to see her reaction to you gifting him a painting you painted yourself. Once your father’s owl had filled himself up with water and owl feed, you attached the letter to him and sent him on his way. 

Later in the evening, your mother’s owl pecked at you through the library window. You went out into the corridor and took a letter and a box off of her. Once you had freed her of her cargo, she hooted and flew off. You opened the second letter and read.

Sweetheart, I know that you are an accomplished young artist, but a painting will simply not do, especially for his 17th birthday. However, since I am your mother and I know you best, I had a feeling I would need to help you in this department. I took the liberty of going into Bourgin and Burke’s on the weekend and purchased a rare black diamond ring for Draco on your behalf. I think he will like it and I think you will too. I hope you are studying well for your exams, 

Mother

You tried to rip open the wrapping on the box but it wouldn't move. The fold at the bottom lifted itself up a bit and ran across your finger, giving you a papercut. A thin line of blood collected on its edge and the wrapping dissolved leaving you with a red ring box, she was always partial to a bit of blood magic. You lifted the lid to see a thick silver band, it looked like it was either white gold or platinum, your mother thought sterling silver was too cheap, the oval cut diamond set atop a larger oval of platinum. It wasn't too plain but it also wasn’t overly gaudy, just as Draco liked it. You returned to the library with your second gift, making a note to hide it under your bed with your painting.

The next few weeks went past in a blur of mock exams and constant revision. Your first exam wasn’t until the 10th of June, giving you plenty of time to celebrate Draco’s birthday properly. The night before his birthday, half of Slytherin house was gathered in the common room waiting for it to hit midnight. You asked the elves to bake a cake for him and smuggled it with some snacks to have a small party with your friends. 

At 11.59 you pulled a tie out from behind you and held it up.

“Gonna let me tie you up huh?” Draco asked with a smirk. 

“Nice try, Malfoy, but this is for you” You replied getting up and tying it around his eyes. 

“What are you doing, Y/L/N?” 

You pointed your wand at the wall causing birthday banners and streamers to hang. Blaise brought the cake in from the 1st year dormitory. The large grandfather clock donged deeply as it hit midnight, you pulled his blindfold down as the whole common room burst into a rendition of happy birthday. He laughed and put his arm around your waist pulling you into his side. Nott finished the song on a horrible high note as Draco blew his candles out. 

“Make a wish, Draco” Pansy shouted. 

“I don’t need to, I've got everything I could wish for right next to me.”

You smiled up at him and gave him a kiss before addressing the crowd. “Eat my friends,” You felt like Dumbledore as plates of food dotted themselves around the common room. The attention moved from Draco to the food as everyone got up and attacked. 

“Happy birthday, my love,” You said wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Thank you, princess, I wasn’t expecting this at all.”

“Only the best for my boyfriend”

You spent the next few hours playing truth or dare with your housemates, it was cut short when Snape barged into the common room, the decorations were ripped off the wall and the music from the radio stopped. 

“I am going to give you until the count of 10 to return to your dormitory, anyone I still see standing here will be spending every weekend for the rest of the year cleaning with filch”

He began to count down from 10 as everyone scrambled to run into their dorms and get into bed. 

You were so excited to surprise Draco with his presents that you skipped breakfast, instructing Daphne to tell him to meet you in the astronomy tower. You decided you were going to decorate your spot a little bit, you set up a soft blanket and some cupcakes and hung up the leftover banners and streamers from your midnight party in the common room. You had his gifts wrapped up with ribbon and some bows just to be extra, they sat in the centre of your blanket, the canvas taking up a large chunk of it. You had realised Draco would probably struggle to take the canvas back home, but that would be a problem he would have to deal with later.

 “Y/N?” His voice called out from the bottom of the stairs. 

“Up here, love” You replied, your head popping up over the bannister. 

He broke into a smile when he saw you and rushed up the stairs taking them two at a time. You sat on the edge of the blanket and waited for him.

“Happy 17th birthday, Draco” You exclaimed as he reached the top. 

His smile got even wider as he pulled you up and into a tight hug. 

“I am so in love with you, do you know that?” he mumbled into your neck.

“I hope you feel the same after you see your presents,”

“Darling, you know you didn’t have to get me anything, you’re the best gift I could have ever received”

“I didn’t have to but I wanted to, here look” 

His eyes fell onto the two wrapped gifts, he sat himself down and opened the top present. 

“How did you get your hands on this?” he pulled the ring out and examined it closely.

“RIght so backstory to this, my mum didn’t believe that my original present was traditional enough to be a ‘wizard’s 17th birthday present’ so she went out to Bourgin and Burke and got this, but I wouldn’t have given it to you had I thought you wouldn't like it, so think of this as a gift from your in-laws.”

“My father’ll be jealous, he's been wanting a black diamond in his collection for ages now” He put the ring back in the box and was about to shut it.

“Wait, let me put it on. you put my ring on, so I’ll put yours on, practise for the big day”

He smiled at you as you sat down next to him and pulled the ring back out of the box. He held his left hand out for you and you slid the ring onto his ring finger.  

“You know after this, they tend to kiss” He grinned. 

“Oh yes, of course, if we’re going to practise we should be thorough” You pulled his head down and his lips met yours for a passionate kiss. 

He pulled back after a few moments with a grin. 

“We should keep practising, just to be on the safe side”

“Enough flirting, Malfoy you have another gift to open”

He turned and picked up the canvas in his hands.

“Is this the one you were sneaking away for?”

You nodded and he began to tear off the wrapping. He got up and placed it against the wall and stood there looking at it, silently. He was silent for a while as he watched the loop of Draco spinning you out and then dipping you on your return with a kiss. Although he hadn't said anything, you got the feeling that he didn't particularly like this gift. He was probably thinking of a way to let you down easily.

“Do you not like it?” You asked quietly.

“What? No!” he turned around with a genuine smile. “I love it, darling, it's perfect. Honestly, it's beautiful.”

You physically relaxed and went to stand next to him. “You said you didn’t like the painting in your room above the fire so I thought I’d give you something to change it with, I’m just not sure if your mother would like it, since its not one of those classical masterpieces.”

“I don’t care what my mother thinks, as soon as I get home, I’m hanging this right up on my wall. I just never knew you could paint like this”

“My mum made me start painting when I was three, I stopped lessons as soon as I started Hogwarts but I kept it up on the side as a hobby and, well, I thought I’d immortalise your favourite memory of us.”

“You never cease to amaze me” He turned and pulled you into him “Thank you,”

“Don’t be silly it’s your birthday, stupid”

“Not just for this, for everything. For putting up with everything, the jealousy, the anger, the-”

“Hey, I’m not putting up with anything, I love you, Draco, all of you”

“Merlin, I can’t wait to marry you” His lips crashed into yours for a frenzied kiss, overwhelmed with emotion. “This is by far the best birthday I’ve ever had, nothing will be able to top this”

And he wasn’t lying. Whenever he was asked, by his kids, his grandkids even his great-grandkids, what his favourite birthday celebration was, his response was always the same, his 17th birthday.

[mirrorforevers]

heavenly nobodies (or “the fog”) • graham/reader

this is a bit heavier than usual, ladies. proceed w caution. tw for mentions of abusive relationships, drug abuse and reader has no self-esteem at all. nothing too descriptive in that sense though

on a lighter note, reader n graham are basically two lost adults acting like petty children

a quick disclaimer: its not my intention in *any way* to glorify or romanticize drug abuse or basically anything any of these characters do - its messed up shit. this is fiction, don't take it seriously, please

if this fic was a song, even though its titled after a lush song, it would be lark by angel olsen i guess. might have a sequel someday i dunno

+18, as always. contains smut. this is sososososo long and has went through so many rewrites im sorry. but i do think its my best fic yet!

set in the mid 90s

word count: 3.780

You still remember the day it began.

A nasty fight took place between Graham and Alex. You only got involved because your relationship became one of the topics of the heated debate. Long story short, Graham basically screamed at you two that you, Y/N, were wasting your life away by dating someone like James.

At first you were blind with rage and defended your decadent relationship while insulting Coxon until your throat burned from the screaming match, but afterwards, after you caught yourself thinking a little too long about how James' eyes sometimes seemed to hover over you with an indifference Coxon's never, ever showed, and how it hurt to see Alex in the arms of an entire sea of more attractive women than you - and how shallow you've become for even trying to excuse his behavior with something as empty as the fact you weren't as stereotypically beautiful as the other girls he screwed, you noticed something wasn't quite right about the entire situation, but you still felt shivers at the prospect of telling him you were sorry. He also had a lot to apologize for.

The fog. That's what's been messing with your mind lately. And Graham's. And everyone else's.

It's hard to think about things clearly as they happen in your life when all you feel during most of it is hedonistic, empty bliss. Everything moves in slow motion. The regret, the harsh words, always come afterwards, like a sudden car crash, after people realize the very real consequences of what they said and done while they were immersed in their own very temporary, elusive, pleasures. The fog also made you bitter - not only you, but Graham, Alex and the other boys as well; your relationship with them as a group of friends and individually, each in a different way, consequently turned into a toxic, resentful mess of chaotic feelings and unresolved conflicts. Your relationship with Graham was by far the most affected.

You grew up together. You went to the same college. You very briefly had a thing. He drew you lots and lots of times, you haven't lost a drawing. You realized you didn't love him like *that* and he was okay with it. You were still as close as ever.

Then you met his other friends. In the beginning, he was so excited about this whole "band" thing. The boys were funny, compelling, undoubtedly hard to deal with sometimes, but you got them quickly. Their music very gradually became successful - they deserved it. They sounded so good together. You noticed Graham was a bit jealous of how you interacted with the other boys sometimes. Damon and Dave were the first ones who tried (hard) to bed you, but Alex, effortlessly, was the one who got to.

One night turned into two, three, fifteen. Then into a fucked up prototype of a relationship around the time their stages got bigger, more packed with screaming teenagers and all of you met her – heroin. Graham got proportionally and gradually more distressed and anxious each day. You didn't know which one of these things disturbed him the most, after all, he didn't speak to you (or anyone, for fuck's sake) like he used to. Thousands of little things began to intercalate and swallow everything you've built together.

You've started to hate him - he refused to speak to you about what was bothering him, and you barely talked outside of the inevitable circumstances. Meanwhile, Alex dragged you even deeper into his questionable lifestyle and you shrinked into it until you could pretend it fit you like a glove. You felt so small. Invisible to everything and everyone who truly mattered, even to yourself. You tried to reach out to the one who mattered most plenty of times, but every time you tried to reach out to him it would end up in screams and even more resentment. It seemed like there was no way back - he hated you as well because he thought you were just like Alex. It felt like a knife was twisted in your stomach when he said it the first time. You pretended it didn't hurt the other ones - those were the nights your binges were the worst and you'd vomit yourself to sleep, though.

Everything was leading you to one of those nights again, until you heard a knock on your door. At this time of night, it was definitely Alex.

You tried to tidy yourself up as much as you could in a matter of a few minutes. You thought you weren't as effortlessly beautiful as the other women in his life - as if cheating had something to do with appearance and not with his character, but oh well - and you felt like you had to at least try to keep up with their pace. You washed your face, smeared some foundation on some old stretch (and track) marks and tried to pretend his presence was the brightest spot on your day. He disguised so much criticism under the pretense of worry, leaving you feeling so bad about yourself, but you needed his approval like you needed air on your lungs (or opioids on your veins) for some reason you couldn't quite explain.

You open the door, holding your breath while you tried to ignore the pit that grew on your stomach just to find out that...

"Graham?" You were simultaneously relieved and revolted to see him on your door. Adrenaline ran through your veins. You didn't realize how afraid you were of him - you've only hurt one another with words, but still, you were afraid to cross eyes with him just because you felt like it would start another fight and you would simply never speak to each other ever again, not even to fight. You were afraid of how deep your friendship has corroded.

He was visibly hurting, just like you. It comforted and hurt you to see it.

"You were waiting for him, weren't you?" He noted, vaguely motioning towards the lipstick on your lips. You felt pathetic.

"What are you doing here?" You quickly wiped the lipstick off your lips while he looks around, not really knowing what to answer. His eyes, puffy, somehow indicated he wasn't there to say he was sorry. At that point, you didn't even cared who was in the wrong. You just wanted to know why he was there.

"Just came here to tell you that... I'm leaving Blur, and... I'll be moving to Germany with a friend. Tomorrow."

"What kind of joke is this?"

"I wanted to tell you because... I felt like we got so used to each other's presence t-that... even if you're relieved by the news, uh, I think you should know in advance."

There was no mischief in his eyes. There was no point in joking with something like that. It's not like you were comfortable enough with each other to joke with each other nowadays anyway. That realization crushed you and anchored you to the very confusing and tragic reality just laid out in front of you.

It was so uncharacteristic. You knew of his tendency to run away from these types of situations and this time he simply didn't. Your mouth refused to close. "I-I don't understand. You... You can't... You can't just do that. You have a fucking gig tomorrow!"

"I won't justify myself to you. Just... take care of yourself and... don't let that leech suck the life out of you more than he already did."

"You don't understand. You don't understand anything. Is this about him? Again?" In yet another wave of adrenaline, you pulled him inside your flat and he just lets you. "Are you moving to bloody Germany because of what went on between us today?!"

"I don't care that you don't love me. I care that I can't go for a fucking day without seeing you waste away your life with him. If he was someone that made you happy... but he's just killing you. I can't deal with that."

Still in shock, you pulled him in a desperate kiss. It was not an attempt of making him stay, but something else entirely new. He had to say he was leaving so you could really know, in a matter of a few seconds, how much you needed him there.

His reciprocity simultaneously broke your heart and filled it with hope - you knew how far your relationship with Alex went and how tough it would be to break free from the chains he's got your heart tangled in, but at the same time, Coxon kissed you in a way no one else ever did. He loved you like no one else could. And that's how you noticed how easily you clinged to any sign of true affection given how much Alex's been neglecting your emotional and physical needs lately. Everything was about him all the time, it was a monologue. Graham and you had a conversation.

(A conversation that lasted all night. Thankfully, Alex didn't show up. He must've been talking to someone else.)

Instead of sweet nothings and love confessions, funnily enough, you and Graham exchanged soft "I hate you"s after the deed was done. You both hated the situation you were in. Hated that even though the passion burned hot as fire between you, you were stuck in a mess bigger than everything that just went through both of you. But never each other. You just couldn't name the feeling right.

Perhaps needless to mention, he stayed in the United Kingdom. Instead of sitting and talking like adults about what you felt about each other though, the bickering somehow became even worse.

Of course you started to take his side on fights more often. Mock Alex's behavior together more often. Something definitely changed between the two of you, but it still wasn't enough. Graham was still furious that you wouldn't give up on James. You were still furious that he wouldn't take your relationship with Alex seriously. It had its many faults, yes, but it was special in a way no one else grasped and you were raised to think that people shouldn't give up on others that easily, a convention that no modern deconstruction of social norms could take out of you out of a sudden. Not even Graham. But instead of raising your voices and breaking things around you, you've found other means to release the tension between you. Usually in dark corners of untidy pubs, his flat or yours. It became so frequent it didn't need any planning anymore.

Following the opposite path of the earlier days of your animosity, the more intense the fights got now, the lower your voices got. Instead of distancing yourselves from each other in the middle of screams, your bodies got closer like magnets. He could be so tender somehow even when his words stung like venom.

You were living and breathing contradictions. Him in the way he conveys his hopeless submissiveness to you in the way every touch of yours breaks him and the way he just isn't able to cum if he sees you're not having enough pleasure, yet he fucks you like he wants it to hurt and pretends nothing happened after you're done; and you in the way you cling to him like he's your lifeline when he's deep inside of you but isn't hesitant to not look him in the eye on some other nights.

The night of one of the parties thrown by Blur's record company following the release of The Great Escape wasn't one of the latter.

While the lower floor of the venue is frenetic with people immersed in different levels of ecstasy caused by all sorts of different substances, the upper floor is reserved to the lovers, or people who were looking for a calmer place to talk or to relatively safely de-escalate from their highs. You, on the other hand, just wanted to run away from the view of Alex kissing another woman in the event he brought you to. You were almost falling asleep in one of the tiny, dimly lit and cramped rooms when a small, familiar voice woke you up. "Why aren't you downstairs with your future husband?"

You feel aloof. The slightest mention of the one you think you love disgruntles you. "Ugh. I should have known it was you," you grumble, giving him room to share the sofa with you. "You know why."

"I don't. Someone once told me I don't understand anything." He accepts the offer almost unconsciously. It's so interesting to see how his actions contradict his words and posture, just like your actions contradict yours.

"I'm still right about that. Why did you come here? To mock me?"

"You're lost."

"And so are you. Don’t talk. I don’t want to hear it."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks, calmly, knowing what the answer will be.

It's always a no.

You instinctively move closer to him, as if he's about to disappear in a cloud of dust in any moment. You don't ever want him to leave.

He notices your eyes are glistening when your lips touch, so smoothly and in such a tender way. His hands enter your hair, just below your ears, and you melt at his touch all over again.

The kiss starts out slow, then becomes more and more intense. His tongue slides against yours and you whine, clutching at him like he’s the only thing tethering you to this earth. It becomes so easy to let him settle between your thighs. He runs one of his large hands through your hair, fists it, and pulls your head so he can have easier access to your neck, filling it with open-mouthed kisses. “Why the fuck,” you manage to murmur in between heavy breaths, “do you care so much about me?”

He doesn't answer. His fingers trace the hem of your dress instead, skimming up the side of your leg. You whimper as he moves them over the sensitive skin to the apex of your thighs, his lips finding the side of your throat again. He sucks a mark into your skin just as his thumb caress your core so lightly above your underwear and you whisper, voice trembling with desire: "You're so much better than him."

He's not sure if you're just leading him on, and neither are you. He doesn't even know if he has heard it right. The fog really blurs every line. Reason, feelings, motives. "You never cried over me", he answers, seeking to turn that reality around, it seemed. Your hips buck into his touch, and a moan escapes you when his hand coyly seeks direct contact with your clit, stimulating it with precision from the start. "You truly... don't know shit," you gasp, grinding harder against his touch and losing yourself to his ministrations, the fog of an earlier hit helping in enveloping you in a state of so much bliss.

"Do you want me to lock the door?" His raspy voice takes you out of this world. You nod, a little disappointed by having such a great feeling interrupted for the sake of privacy. Your lips were spit-slick and pinkened, your eyes half lidded. The sight made Graham breathe hard through his nose, but he somehow kept his composure. When he goes to lock the door, you couldn't help noticing the tent you helped build in his jeans. You feel proud of yourself.

He returns with the hungry kisses and eager touches, slowly driving you crazy all over again. His kisses lower down, down... and you pat his shoulders, motioning for him to stop. "I want to make you feel good tonight." He accepts the offer.

You scooch downwards, just above his hips, and you pull his pants and the waistband to his briefs down in one swift motion. He's painfully hard, but that was hardly a surprise. Graham straightens his back just in time to watch you take the reddened head of his cock into your mouth. He claps a hand over his mouth, hips bucking upwards into the wet heat instinctively, your warm breath enveloping his dick and clouding his mind.

Wrapping your fingers around it, you gently jerk him off, slowly sliding your hand from the tip back to the base. He groans, watching you as you fill his senses with a dull warmth. You stare back at him, smiling as he groans at your warm breath.

You run the tip of your index finger tentatively along the underside of his cock, watching with fascination as his cock twitches and reacts to your presence. You lean forward, breathing on the head before planting a soft kiss on the tip. Coxon whimpers, his dick aching from your attention. Tired of the teasing, you begin stroking it, your soft fingers loosely bouncing along his shaft. He leans his head back to the ceiling when you kiss the tip again.

You eye his cock excitedly, before you lean forward and lick his head, swirling your tongue around the crown and flicking it across the tip. His hips thrust forward before you can even react, his mind reeling as your tongue slowly traces along a vein you followed from the head all the way to the base. He groans, and was about to say something when his mind went blank. He sees pure white, his brain shutting down almost completely as you wrap your mouth around the end of his cock and set a steady rhythm to the oral stimulation. His chest rumbles as a deep growl of satisfaction leaves him, shaking through the air, the vibrations in your mouth punctuating his growl with a hiss.

He cracks his eyes open, his glazed eyes staring down to find you staring directly at him. The sight of his rigid cock vanishing between your soft lips made his skin crawl. He groans heavily, grasping your head on instinct and thrusting forward.

You gasp lightly as he shoves himself deeper inside your mouth, pushing against your throat. He moans your name desperately, panting heavily as his hips automatically thrust against you. You stand firm, keeping only the front half of his cock in your mouth, slithering your tongue against the crown and watching intently for his reactions. He was close, his mind firmly on fire as his body reacted on autopilot, trying to extract as much pleasure as possible. He could feel his climax approaching, your soft lips and gentle eyes coaxing him on. You look into his eyes and give an experimental bob of your head, taking him further into your mouth. Feeling the characteristic salty taste of precum on your tongue, you take your mouth off his cock, and before his mind is able to form a cohesive sentence of protest, you take off your underwear and sit on his lap. His hands now squeeze your hip, pulling you closer. Your wetness leaves a bit of a trail on his legs before you sink on his hard, already lubricated cock.

"You're addicted to my cock, aren't you," It's fascinating how Graham's behavior changes when he's drunk. In the best and worst ways. He would never say something like that while sober. You nod in agreement, face flush with arousal and need. "He can't even fuck you," he punctuactes with an especially hard thrust, "like I can." he envelops you in a sort of hug as his broad shoulders and arms now dictate the rhythm you both follow.

"He--c-an't, fuck--"

"Do you think," he takes his entire cock out of you just so he can go even deeper when he says, "he'll hear us... if you say my name out loud?" he smiles when a loud moan escapes your lips, feeling completely in control of your body. You can't even talk anymore, just nod, like a marionette.

"So say it." Another thrust. And another. And another. You follow his pace with your hips religiously, not even slightly ashamed of making the name of the one who's giving you so much pleasure public, as he commanded. You take the last atom of control on your body and direct it to your pussy, clenching your walls tighter around him, an action that successfully tears his thoughts apart, making his eyebrows furrow and his mouth, agape. One of his hands move to the middle of your bodies and, as he looks down at where your bodies meet, begins to stimulate your clit to the rhythm of his thrusts. His groans turn louder when your body moves towards his again, and the sound of your moans, along with the sound of skin against skin and your ragged breaths were the only thing you were able to hear, along with the distant sound of It Could Be You playing in the background.

In a daze, he says your name in that unique way that only he knew how to - like it was part of a prayer and your body was his God(dess). You dig your nails into his back while he fucks you without a trace of mercy. You close your eyes, losing yourself in all those sensations as Graham continued his movements. When he punctuates his now even faster thrusts with a string of "fuck, fuck, fuck" - that's when you know he's close, a suspicion confirmed true as he comes hard inside of you, closing his eyes tightly as he reached his climax. You follow him seconds later.

When he recovers enough to be able to breathe calmly and control his heartbeat, Graham rests his chin on your shoulder. Neither of you say anything for a long time.

And when the spasms of pleasure are gone, Graham's brain decides to go back to work and he realizes what had just happened - again. Suddenly, the sensation of bliss is accompanied by that weird sensation of "What do I do now?". He carefully removes his dick from you and pulls his jeans up, zipping up his pants while you straighten your dress and search for your panties in the middle of the dark. Both without saying a single word.

Graham clears his throat, glancing at the mirror behind the door and seeing his state was deplorable. His face reddened by the heat and his hair a perfect mess. You were in no better situation than him.

“Uh,” Graham said a long time later, breaking the silence. “How long is that arrangement supposed to last?”

"I won't count the time." You responded calmly. 

He nods, mystified by you. 

[altar-ov-plagues]

Are you into NSBM, just curious.

No, i'm not.

Most songs sound all the same in musical terms (same drum rhythms, guitars) and it's just bad overall. And in ideological terms nope, i dont associate with it.

The only time i'm a fascist is with myself. I'm kind and don't mind helping others. But my internal monologue lately is usually: "reject weakness, embrace strenght, no time for depressing crap, embrace life, man the fuck up. Improve yourself." Basicly my Nietzsche side bullying my Kafka side.

I believe we all had our edgy anarchist teen phase or a more right wing rib at some point in life. But once you leave college and its brainwashing behind (college is a hunting ground for politic parties at least in my country) and you become 30 and have to pay bills you stop caring about the dualism of politics and have no patience for people fighting if they vote in "brandon" or in the orange man.

Plus it's hard to say what's nsbm nowadays though, i don't make background checks on artists, i have no time for that (age and full time jobs) and because of the mentality: "everything i dislike is fascism". One of my favorite bands is Hate Forest, and they were considered nsbm by some people, but their albums have no lyrics and honestly is just screams. Truth is in terms of instruments their songs are 11/10. They are pure fire. Amazing instrumentals.

In lyric terms i don't know, they just scream probably in ucranian and they could be hailing satan or screaming about ucranian pride or about sucking big black cocks it doesn't matter. "BuT bLaCk MeTaL iS aBoUt ThE mEsSage" yeah whatever, this applies the same to other music genres. Who cares if you have amazing rap lyrics if the instrumental is trash. Artists like Kaytranada who make good music and dont sing deserve much more money than kanye west and many other guys in my opinion. Instrumental is more important than vocals.

The only thing i've seen in nsbm that i believe was right was making songs against "the religion of peace". And that is could be considered revolutionary in black metal which is funny considering the religion of peace is pretty much a religious dictatorship.

Making songs against weak and pratically dead christianity after 2020 is just cringe. Christianity is not oppresive as it was before, so a change of target (not changing target, let christianity there too, but also start aiming at other targets too) seems reasonable. Sometimes you see these dudes like guys from satyricon saying things in interviews like "these kids online dont know nothing about black metal" but they have nothing to new to offer. Ask one of these generic kvlt boring ass old guys to make a song about another prophet instead of christ. Oups. Can't do that...

Anyway i'm deviating but no, i'm not into nsbm. Lately i don't have time to explore that much music and when i do listen to music is shit like drab majesty, eyedress, 80s and some 'dont sleep' compilations full of "dark trap" music at work lol

Have a good day!