#I HATE Delhi Airport

[yunnierights]

I got a dream today that I'm stuck at the airport and I can't find the pdf of my frikkin booking details wtf?!!

[underthehedge]

Same boat tbh, I'm generally just distasteful to biting bugs. I've done a lot of fieldwork in tick filled areas but I've never had one bite me ever. I once taught a field course for four days in an place with so many ticks it was insane, multiple students each day had to come to me after for my tick card. One guy had like 10 running on his trousers at once. I did not get a single tick bite me. I've found them running on me before, many times, but I've never actually had one bite me.

Mosquitoes also usually don't care for my flavour. They just...aren't interested in me most of the time. I can be with people who get 20 bites and I've had zero. Except every now and then I'll end up somewhere where they clearly have a less discerning palate and I get eaten a-fucking-live. I've stood in a cloud of midgies where people are being mauled and I've only got a small number of bites myself.

Horseflies are my sworn enemy though because those fuckers don't give a shit. Horseflies look at me and go "yum! I'll have some of that" and then I'm being chased around the place by a bastard fly from hell.

Why is my experience of ticks so DRAMATICALLY different than others'. ???? People in the notes of my educational tick post are like "yeah i used get like 12 of them every time I walked outside but now i've only been bitten a couple times this year" ????

Y'all i've been wading and crouching in waist-high weeds and grass, stomping around in brush, even climbing and crawling on hands and knees in the woods, almost every day and i rarely pick up any ticks at all. I've only been bitten by a tick once. Like. In my life

[earlgraytay]

So, you've probably all seen this post going around, about how The Chuds Want Gentleman's Clubs (but can't afford to go to the things called "gentlemen's clubs" today, so wouldn't have been able to in the past either). And I hate to say it, but that post isn't accurate.

The things we call "gentlemen's clubs" today and the things that were called "gentleman's clubs" in the past are not the same thing; the one is descended from the other, but they used to be a lot more common and served a purpose that they don't really serve anymore.

The modern equivalent of the historical gentleman's club isn't the thing currently called a gentleman's club; it's the premium airport lounge. And by losing the concept for all but the turbo-rich, I think we genuinely have lost something! Let me explain.

(NOTA BENE: This is mostly about England and from about 1880-1930, and most of my experience with this is from fiction written in that era. I know enough to know what I don't know, but I also know menswear guy is wrong about this.)

So- gentlemen's clubs started in *wiggles hands* the late 1700s, and mostly served a particular purpose: they were places you could stay in a city if you mostly lived in the country, instead of staying in lodgings or owning your own place. Finding a place to stay in London was kind of a misery at the best of times, and owning your own house in Town wasn't practical for a lot of people, even rich people. If you were, say, a young man, just starting out in life, and you hadn't inherited your father's wealth but also weren't set up to live on your own? Having a place you were guaranteed to be able to stay was a fucking godsend. And as time went on, even people who lived in London most of the time started joining clubs, because they served another important purpose- they were a place you could go if you didn't particularly want to be at home, for whatever reason.

The way that historical gentlemen's clubs worked is, you got recommended to the club by a friend who was a member, you paid dues to the club, and in exchange, you'd get to use the club's facilities. * Most gentlemen's clubs had, at minimum, a dining room (with waitstaff, natch), a library, a couple of nice places to sit and hang out, a game room, and a bar. Many of them also had rooms you could sleep in overnight, fitness equipment, or stuff related to the club members' interests. Most of them had a room or two where you could invite friends who weren't part of your club and spend time with them. In the era where phones were a thing, a lot of them had a phone. You could write letters there and get your mail sent there.

Here's the thing: in the period I know best, gentlemen's clubs weren't just for the turbo-rich. They were the province of rich guys, yes- you had to be a 'gentleman' and know the right people to get in. But men who were doctor/lawyer/software-developer rich were most likely members of a gentlemen's club. Anyone who was rich enough to travel regularly was part of at least one club, because having somewhere to crash when you were going between (say) London and Delhi and back again was worth the cost.

Most gentlemen's clubs were owned by their members- not an outside corporate body. The club leaders were elected, usually by a small committee.

And a lot of gentlemen's clubs founded around specific interests, as time went on. There were gentlemen's clubs specifically for Guys Who Were Really Into Radio. There were clubs specifically for men who spent a lot of time traveling. There were clubs specifically for dudes who wanted to talk your ear off and clubs for old dudes who mostly wanted to nod off in their chairs and talk about The War and clubs for dudes who did not want to be percieved at all.

There were clubs for men who were really into science, or the arts, or sports. And one perk of being in a club like this is that you had access to equipment that you might not have been able to buy on your own. You didn't have to shell out for an entire library of scientific and medical books; you could go to your club and read in the library there. If your club had, say, an art studio, you could go paint at your club and not have to keep a studio space of your own.

There were gentlemen's clubs specifically oriented around specific political or social views. There were socialist clubs. (And a lot of them admitted women, which was !!!SCANDALOUS!!!) Like, they were still the province of goddamn rich people, there were a lot of trust fund baby socialists and not many working people, but there were socialist social clubs.

...I don't want to pretend that gentlemen's clubs were some kind of idyllic haven. 99% of these clubs were For Men, and For The Right Sort Of Men at that; if you didn't have a friend who was a member, or you weren't "respectable" enough, you didn't get to join. There's a reason that most of these clubs are gone now. Part of the point was excluding the Wrong Sort of People, and that became gauche over time. After a certain point, being part of a club became a thing for stodgy, out-of-touch rich men- not just "men who happened to have enough money to be part of a club"- and so most of the men who could join one didn't, and people stopped forming new ones. Only Old Money assholes (who will continue to do what they've always done, current trends be damned) keep the concept alive.

But like... the thing that replaced gentlemen's clubs for 99% of the people who would have had one a hundred years ago... is the premium airport lounge, and the premium gym membership, and the ~coworking hub~.** Anyone can join, yeah, as long as they're able to pay. You pay a corporation a chunk of money for similar amenities, and the amenities are ... fine? But because the entity is driven by profit, most of the money you're paying them goes into running their other business concerns and paying their CEOs a fat paycheck.

I think... as exclusionary as gentlemen's clubs were back in the day, there's the seed of a good idea there. I think the guys who wish they were still an attainable thing for a middle-class person have a point, and I wish we could inject some fucking nuance into this conversation.

A community-owned space that gives you a place to crash when you need one, has community-owned resources for its members, and isn't beholden to a corporation is a good thing. Third spaces that don't have to turn a profit are a damn good thing.

At the end of the day, my politics are 'everyone should get to have the kind of luxuries that were historically reserved for the rich'. Everyone should get to have the best life has to offer- leisure, beauty, good craftsmanship, and community. And so, you know, if this kind of community space sounds like a thing you'd like to have, maybe it's something you could work towards creating, too.

*TBF, this is still how they work today! But the networks are much smaller.

**I do find it very funny that apparently one of the biggest problems facing the few remaining Actual Gentlemen's Clubs (TM) is that people are trying to use their space to telework-- a lot of them are trying to ban laptops and business talk to "keep the club's character" (read: "we're too rich to have to work here").

[coqhee]

ETA TO YOUR HEART 𓂃 박성훈

✷ in a fast-paced city, your laid-back life as a receptionist takes a turn when you meet sunghoon, a busy photographer always on the go, making him question whether to keep chasing success or take a chance on love.

photographer sunghoon︲fem reader ︲fluff, angst (sorta), strangers to lovers, city romance, opposites attract, colleague! reader, okokok + lalala dynamic, slow burn, he falls first and harder︲pet names, cursing, grammar errors︲15k / more

2ND EMAIL IN TO: YOUR HEART COLLECTION

─── ♡

you would think PARK SUNGHOON, a world-renowned photographer for his works of the beauty of cityscapes at night, would have an artistic view of life. to slow down a view of life for its beauty—one that encourages slowing down to appreciate beauty. quite the opposite for him though.

one day to another, he’s analyzed what gets people’s emotions going and what photos may move them. as long as he can write the meaning behind his photos well, it’s bound to be successful.

what began as a heartfelt hobby has turned into a rigid 9-to-5 routine, stripping away the passion that once fueled his work.

finally, he’s back in his hometown… for work. what is supposed to only be a year-long contract for his new exhibit in partnership with your gallery, turns out to be an even longer contract to your heart.

when sunghoon sees you, there's no sparks, there's no ‘love at first sight’. it’s just two people meeting for the first time, who happen to be falling in love in their own –patient and impatient– ways.

as you interact, you begin to uncover layers within one another. neither of you is fully aware of the heartstrings being intertwined, but the potential for connection is there.

it’s a slow whirlwind of discovery. both patient and hesitant, you navigate your feelings, each step bringing you closer to an unexpected bond.

sunghoon’s cold exterior slowly starts to thaw. as you share laughter and stories, he begins to show glimpses of warmth.

you realize that maybe he isn’t as unreachable as you once thought. with every interaction, a bond forms, slowly but surely, leading to unexpected possibilities.

─── ♡

sunghoon was exhausted beyond belief. rightfully so–he’s spent the last 6 months in 9 different countries capturing the mesmerizing beauty of cities. the view in each city displaying diverse vibrancy of their cultures through their architecture.

from tokyo, to new york city, istanbul to new delhi…the views were undeniable of their beauty.

while the photos were stunning, the toll on him was undeniable

going city to city at a rate that felt like a blur, he barely even had time to realize that he was thrown into a year-long contract in his hometown. it had only dawned on him at the airport after he had boarded the plane.

whilst his plan originally was to sleep, it seemed it wasn’t an option with his agent texting him not long after.

soobin: to answer your question earlier, yes, you must stay for the full year as per the contract. i thought this exhibition would be fitting for you as it’s your hometown. your works haven’t felt the same and the company thought this would be good for inspiration. [attatchment: 1 image] read 7:41 am

sunghoon sighed, a wave of relief washing over him as he stared at the message. a full year in one place—his hometown, no less. the idea of staying still for a while felt strange, almost foreign, after the constant whirlwind of travel.

his body craved rest, but his mind was still wired, thinking about deadlines, compositions, and the weight of the upcoming exhibit.

landing back home felt strange. the city hadn’t changed much, but it felt different to him now. maybe it was the exhaustion, or maybe it was the weight of knowing he couldn’t just hop on the next flight out like he had for the past six months.

it wasn’t that he hated constantly being on the move—he actually thrived in the fast pace, always craving something new and exciting in his life. but this? he was worn out.

so that’s how he came to be standing in front of the new gallery back home having no time to stop home before.

it should’ve felt comfortable, and inviting, but it felt like a whole different world from the building that had stood there before when he was growing up.

“hi! how can i help you?” your voice welcome cutting through the loud air conditioning that had let him space out.

“hi, i think i’m supposed to be the new photographer working with the gallery. my agent, soobin, should have sent over the documents, including the contract,” he said, his tone distant. you noticed the lack of warmth in his voice—it wasn’t rude, but it was reserved, almost detached. still, you brushed it off with a welcoming smile.

“right, yes. your liaison reached out to me about that,” you replied, keeping your voice light. “me and the team were so excited to meet you! lets go meet them?” you motioned for him to follow holding a bright smile, noting his subtle nod in response, and guided him down the hallway to the meeting room where the team was waiting to welcome their new photographer for the year.

sunghoon followed you down the hallway, his eyes flicking around the gallery as they walked. the space was calm, filled with soft echoes of quiet conversation and the faint scent of coffee, and he could almost feel himself unwind in the stillness.

your presence caught his attention again as they led him, weaving through the gallery with a practiced ease. there was something about their calmness and patience that felt oddly magnetic, not even in a romantic way.

for someone who thrived on the thrill of chaos and constant change, seeing someone so comfortable in this kind of tranquility was almost… foreign.

you opened the door to a small room with a meeting table and some chairs surrounding it with people already occupying some.

“here we have jay, who’s going to be your liaison for this project,” you smiled, gesturing to the man who offered a friendly, albeit reserved, smile—warmer than sunghoon’s, at least.

“jake, who’s going to be your assistant, mostly,” you continued, nodding toward the cheerful face beside jay, “so anything you need, just let him know.”

“and lastly, we have minjeong, sunoo, and me, who are going to be your general support team,” you finished, flashing a warm smile. “us 3 directly work with the gallery as our job so we’ll know the most, and we’ll just help with logistics, planning, and anything else you might need,”

sunghoon nodded, taking in each face as he quickly assessed the group. they seemed friendly enough, and even though he was already feeling the weight of this project, the team’s easy-going energy made him feel just a little more at ease.

of course, he couldn’t let down his professional barrier despite the comfortable informal energy in the room.

sunghoon nodded slowly, taking in each face as he mentally sized up the team. it was a lot to remember, but he figured he’d get the hang of it soon enough. his eyes flicked back to you as you continued.

“we’re all really excited to see what you bring to the gallery,” you added, looking around at the others, who nodded in agreement.

jay, added in with a friendly grin. “yeah, we’re here to make your life easier, not harder. whatever you need, we’ve got you.”

jake chimed in, giving sunghoon a nod. “yep, seriously—no request is too small, so don’t be shy about letting us know, even if it’s outside of work bounds,” he winked.

minjeong laughed and nudged him. “okay, but let’s not get carried away—we’re not that generous!” she teased, earning a light slap on the shoulder from sunoo.

“fine, fine,” she relented with a grin, “you can tell us anything. within reason!”

“thank you. i appreciate it,” he finally spoke up still processing the overload of information.

“well, i think we can wrap this up here, i’m sure you’re tired so let’s talk more tomorrow and get some inspiration going, i’ll just get y/n to send me your number later,” jay smiled taking notice of everyone’s mood and how despite how chipper everyone sounded, they were tired.

everyone nodded in agreement, grabbing their bags and leaving the room one by one until it was just you and sunghoon. you both looked around feeling the awkward tension in the air.

“let us know if you need anything at all,” you said with a smile, adjusting your bag on your shoulder before turning to leave.

“um.. i don’t think i have your number,” sunghoon called out, his voice barely above a murmur as he looked down, almost like he was second-guessing whether to speak up.

“oh shoot i completely forgot, here,” you said with a laugh, reaching into your bag. pulling out your phone, you opened your contacts and handed it to him. “just go ahead and put your number in, and i’ll text you so you have mine, too.” he nodded in response and quickly gave back your phone and watched as you turned to leave the room again.

“uh, y/n… wait,” he spoke out once again.

you paused, glancing back over your shoulder and then stepping back into the room, catching his eye. “yeah?” you asked gently, waiting for him to say whatever was on his mind.

sunghoon shifted, his fingers brushing the edge of his bag as he searched for the right words. “thank you… for being so welcoming,” he said, his tone quiet but sincere.

your face softened, and you nodded with a warm smile. “of course. it’s good to have you here, sunghoon,” you replied. “i’ll be around if you need anything, okay?”

he nodded, watching as you disappeared down the hall, the warmth of your kindness lingering with him as he stood there, feeling just a bit more at ease in this unfamiliar place.

he went home that night feeling a sense of completion despite it being a small task, the drive home taking in the cold air from the night.

─── ♡

back at your apartment, you tossed your bag onto the couch, replaying the day’s events in your mind. you couldn’t shake the thought of sunghoon’s demeanor—so distant, almost icy.

you’d met your fair share of artists, some a little standoffish, but something about him felt different. did he hate every second of being there? or worse, was it something about you? had you come off too friendly? too casual?

you sighed, running a hand through your hair. “no, it couldn’t be,” you muttered to yourself. it had just been introductions. still, the questions lingered in your mind, stubbornly refusing to quiet.

as much as you hated overthinking, it was a habit that came back all too easily. you’d tried to be warm, welcoming, like always. maybe he was just tired from his travels—jet-lagged, exhausted. yeah, that was probably it, you reassured yourself, though part of you didn’t fully believe it.

the next morning, you walked into the gallery, coffee in hand, ready to start the day. as you set up at the front desk, your eyes wandered toward the hallway leading to the studio space, where sunghoon would likely be working today. you couldn’t help but wonder if he’d look as tired as he did yesterday or if he might be a little more at ease now that he’d had a night to settle in.

“morning!” a cheerful voice snapped you out of your thoughts. you looked up to see jake, grinning as he dropped his bag by the desk. “guess who spent the morning looking for the memory card he left in his jacket pocket?”

you laughed, grateful for the distraction. “niiiice one. was it at least the last jacket you checked?”

he groaned, shaking his head. “third jacket. honestly, it’s like i’m living in a game of hide-and-seek with my stuff.”

before you could respond, the sound of footsteps drew your attention down the hallway. there was sunghoon, camera bag slung over his shoulder, his expression unreadable as he scanned the room. when his eyes met yours, he gave a brief nod—still as reserved as ever.

“good morning, sunghoon,” you called, offering a warm smile.

“morning,” he replied, his tone polite but distant, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit like you were back at square one. but before the familiar spiral of overthinking could start, jay’s voice broke through.

“alrighty i was thinking instead of starting with photos today, we should just do some team bonding,” said jay.

jay said, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

you glanced over, amused. “team bonding? i don’t think that was in the contract,” you teased.

jay laughed. “hey, we’re a team for a whole year—might as well get to know each other, right? besides, it’s the best way to break the ice.” he looked pointedly at sunghoon. “especially with some of us who like to keep things, let’s say… professional.”

sunghoon raised an eyebrow, clearly unsure where this was going. “uh… what exactly did you have in mind?” he asked, cautious but curious.

“don’t worry,” jay said with a reassuring grin. “just a coffee run to start, and then we’ll hang out in the lounge. maybe play some card games or something. nothing intense. just a chance to relax and actually talk to each other as people, not just job titles.”

jake chimed in, looking thrilled. “i’m in! plus, we get to introduce sunghoon to the best coffee in town.”

“come on, sunghoon,” you said, feeling a bit braver now, “just think of it as a warm-up to the year.”

sunghoon hesitated, but he finally gave a small nod. “alright,” he said, a faint smile breaking through. “i’ll give it a shot.”

minjeong pumped her fist in victory, high-fiving sunoo in the process. “that’s what i’m talking about!”

as you all headed out together, you couldn’t help but feel hopeful. maybe, just maybe, this was a step closer to breaking through that cold exterior.

the six of you walked closer to the coffee shop, with lively chatter with sunghoon making little to no contributions to the conversation unless he was called out by name.

honestly, you weren’t sure if he was rude, nervous, tired, or what. it took you by surprise.

meanwhile, sunghoon was quietly taking in the easy camaraderie around him. he wasn’t used to work environments that felt… well, less like work.

it’s not that he hated it either, it was just, different. in a good way, at least for him.

“y/n, sunghoon, why don’t you go get us a table we’ll order for you guys,” sunoo chirped out pulling open the door to the cafe.

“sure thing! just get me the mocha cream latte, hoon, you want anything?” you asked, flashing him a friendly smile.

pause. hoon?

the nickname had slipped out before you even realized it—something you’d been calling him in your head but hadn’t planned to say aloud. you felt a wave of embarrassment, surprised at yourself, while he looked almost unfazed.

“uh, just an americano, thanks,” sunghoon replied, his tone curt but polite, as if the nickname hadn’t thrown him off in the slightest.

sunoo smiled giving a thumbs up, as he continued chatting with the rest of the team, while you and sunghoon went to find an open table.

“sorry if the nickname made you uncomfortable, i won’t call you it if you don’t want me to,” you apologized meekly.

sunghoon raised an eyebrow, his expression softening just a bit. “it’s fine,” he replied, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “i don’t mind it,”

the unexpected response took you by surprise, and you couldn’t help but smile back, feeling a little more at ease. for a moment, his guarded demeanor seemed to fade, replaced by something almost approachable.

“good,” you said, relaxing as you leaned back. “because i didn’t even realize i’d been calling you that in my head until it slipped out.”

shit.

stop talking.

stop saying that you were thinking about him outside of work you freak.

stop word vomiting.

sunghoon chuckled lightly, and for the first time, it felt like a small barrier between you had started to lift, unfazed by you mentioning that you were thinking about him to even have a nickname.

“so, any ideas for the gallery and what you’re going to try to capture this time? i’ve looked at some of your works from your portfolio and it’s an extensive list of cities,”

sunghoon looked up, his gaze softening thoughtfully. “honestly, i’m still working it out,” he admitted, his fingers tracing absent patterns on the table. “i’ve spent so long capturing cityscapes, architecture, the whole atmosphere of a place. but now… i’m starting to wonder if it’s lost its meaning somehow. people say my work feels distant.”

his words surprised you; they were thoughtful, a bit vulnerable even. “so, a new chapter then huh,” you said with a small nod, understanding his new direction. “sounds like a big shift.”

“yeah,” he agreed, the faintest hint of a smile appearing. “new territory. and it feels… strange, honestly,”

there was a quiet pause as you took in his words. “well, if you ever need a guide to get the real feel of the city, or even a coffee break buddy, i’m just at the front desk,” you offered, smiling.

sunghoon met your gaze, and his expression softened for the first time. “thank you,”.

you watched as sunghoon pulled out a paper calendar and quickly scribbled something on the todo list side of it looking satisfied at yourself.

“drinks are here!” minjeong cheered, balancing three cups as she handed you and sunghoon your orders.

“thank you,” you smiled, reaching up to grab the cup from her hands and taking a sip. the hot liquid gold instantly warming your soul with the familiar taste.

“alright, so here’s the idea,” jake said, leaning forward. “jay and i thought we’d visit some of the classic spots around the city to get things going for the first few months, see if anything sparks that inspiration. what do you guys think?” you nodded as he looked around the table, looking for approval.

everyone else nodded, i mean it’s not like anyone else had other plans to get this project kick-started.

sunghoon looked taken aback, not even in an offensive way. “oh, i thought we were going to get to shooting test photos, and get the photos for this gallery done fast,”

“oh cmon, let’s get a good feel for the city, get some quality inspiration,” minjeong piped up. which sunghoon nodded reluctantly.

“great, we’ll start with the arcade today and then work from there,” jay concluded sipping his drink. sunoo looked the most delighted out of everyone there, the arcade being one of his favorite places.

sunghoon, who had been mostly quiet, raised an eyebrow. “an arcade?”

“yep,” sunoo chimed in, practically buzzing. “trust me, it’s the perfect mix of chaos and color. it might actually surprise you. plus, who doesn’t like a little fun between all the serious stuff?”

sunghoon thought for a moment, his expression softening with a glimmer of interest. “alright,” he said finally, “guess it wouldn’t hurt to see what all the fuss is about.”

as everyone finished up their drinks, the energy in the group seemed to pick up, each person eager to shake off the weight of routine and get a fresh start together.

jay cracked a joke, prompting laughs, while jake started a mini debate with sunoo over the best arcade games.

you glanced at sunghoon, who was watching the easy camaraderie with a relaxed expression. he didn’t say much, but you noticed the way he took everything in, like he was warming up to the idea of this more laid-back team dynamic.

with the drinks finished and everyone’s spirits high, you all filed out of the café, ready to kick off the day’s adventure.

as you walked alongside him, you caught sunghoon glancing at you with a faint smile, and for the first time, you felt the start of something different—something unspoken but promising.

─── ♡

“okay, which game first?” sunoo wondered, his eyes wide as he took in the room full of flashing lights and the hum of arcade sounds.

“wait—where did jake and jay go?” minjeong asked, whipping her head around, scanning the noise filled room.

“i think they went to go play some racing game,” you commented recalling watching the two run off like children despite. minjeong rolled her eyes in disappointment and groaned.

“typical,” minjeong muttered, crossing her arms. “leave it to them to ditch us at the first sight of a car game.”

“well, we don’t need them! let’s go play this fishing game,” sunoo exclaimed already making his way over to the machine. the three of you followed sunoo over as he excitedly swiped his card in both spots and patted the seat next to him.

you reluctantly sat down and enjoyed the game with him switching off with minjeong halfway through.

you were getting thirsty however and went to the food court to see whatever drinks they had and maybe some snacks along the way. sunoo seemed excited to continue playing though to which you encouraged, telling him you’d be back shortly.

as you were walking away, you noticed sunghoon following you awkwardly shifting step step.

“didn’t want to play any games?” you asked.

“uh, no not really,” he responded

you nodded, offering him a small smile. "well, maybe you just haven’t found the right game," you teased lightly, hoping to ease some of his quietness.

he chuckled faintly, looking down. "i think i’m more of an observer in places like this. it’s very…lively," he admitted, glancing around at the buzz of the arcade.

you reached the food court, scanning the menu of drinks. "anything catch your eye? i’m thinking maybe a soda… or a lemon slushie if i’m feeling adventurous," you mused, sneaking a glance at him.

sunghoon’s lips curved slightly. "maybe just water. but you should go for the slushie,” he said, eyes glinting a bit. “it seems… you."

surprised by his answer, you chuckled. "oh, you think so?"

he shrugged, an almost smile on his face. "yeah, it’s very bright, like you,"

“oh. thank you,” you weren’t quite sure if you should be flattered or what. you’ve never had someone compare you to…a slushie.

as you fumbled through your pockets, trying to remember where you’d stashed your card, you looked up to find sunghoon already tapping his.

“oh—you didn’t have to do that,” you chuckled softly, surprised but grateful.

he shrugged with a small smile. “it’s nothing. i don’t mind.”

you both found a spot to sit, settling into a quiet moment as you sipped your slushie. your mind wandered over the day’s events, piecing together small moments, a growing familiarity. finally, you broke the silence.

“so, what’s on your calendar?” you asked, hoping to draw him into a conversation.

“whatever you all have planned,” he replied with a faint grin. “i’m just here to take the photos.”

“no, i mean the one you were looking at earlier in the café,” you said, a smile tugging at your lips. “it looked pretty packed.”

he paused, caught off guard, glancing down. “oh. well… i keep track of things to make time for the important stuff,” he muttered, then looked up, adding a bit sheepishly, “like… i guess, paying you back.”

“paying me back? for what?” you scoffed not seeing any reason to.

his gaze softened, and he seemed to choose his words carefully. “for being… you,”

a beat of silence hung between you. did he realize how much that sounded like more than small talk?

“thank you, i think,” you managed, feeling a blush warm your cheeks. “we should get back, though. i’m almost done with this.”

“right, of course,” he agreed, standing up beside you, his tone quiet but holding a warmth that lingered as you walked back together.

naturally, just as you’d set your mind on one thing, it didn’t take long to get sidetracked. not that you minded; you enjoyed letting life pull you in whatever direction it chose, figuring it was all some twist of fate.

the flashing “$1 per play” sign on a crane machine caught your eye, drawing you in before you even realized, and before you knew it, you were standing at the controls, card swiped, joystick in hand.

among the jumbled colors and shapes, one prize stood out—a small, perfectly plump penguin plush with big, round eyes and tiny flippers folded at its sides, nestled among other plushies, half-buried but calling to you, almost daring you to try your luck.

the atmosphere was so immersive you blocked nearly everything else in the world. it was just you and that stupid little penguin plush. you took a deep breath, adjusting your stance. guiding the joystick forward, you carefully lined up the claw, your eyes focused on that one penguin. its beady eyes seemed to taunt you, and you couldn’t help but smile at the thrill of it.

you saw the timer tick down slowly feeling pressured. you hit the red button, watching the claw descend with a soft whirr. it clamped down, and for a second, you thought you’d actually done it. the penguin was in the claw’s grasp, hanging by a thread of fabric, and your heart leapt as the claw lifted it into the air.

feeling excited you watched anticipatorily as it started to bring it over only to drop it, bouncing off the chute.

but hey! you were never one to give up, and so you swiped again. just one more time wouldn't hurt.

and then one more swipe turned into two more.

and then three more.

and then four more.

honestly, you were going to continue swiping until you got it if it weren’t for hoon’s voice breaking your focus.

“are you… sure you want to keep going?” he asked, a slight hesitation in his voice, like he didn’t want to disrupt your focus.

“i have to! i need to get it, it just looks too much like you for me to pass over it,”.

oh.

you weren’t supposed to say THAT much.

“here let me try,” he suggested, as you handed your card for him to swipe.

you watched as he expertly maneuvered the joystick, barely hesitating before pressing the button. the claw dropped, grasping the penguin plush cleanly on the first try, lifting it without a hitch.

he turned to you, holding out the plush with a small, almost smug smile. “here,” he said simply, “guess this one was meant for you.”

“if i’m being honest, i was trying to win it for you,” you admitted, a little defeated. “guess you beat me to it, though.”

sunghoon smiled, a bit unsure. “well, now you’ve got a little something to remember me by… or, you know, this whole project.”

you chuckled, holding up the plush, poking it playfully. “guess i’ll call him hoon jr. real original, huh?”

you gave the plush a gentle squeeze, feeling the soft fabric under your fingers as you took in its tiny stitched eyes and outstretched wings. it was surprisingly comforting, and for a moment, you let yourself enjoy the quiet warmth of the small gesture.

the flashing arcade lights cast a warm glow around the both of you, creating a rare pause in the day’s chaos.

sunghoon shifted beside you, hands in his pockets, his usual reserved expression softened slightly. the two of you stood there, surrounded by the buzz and hum of the arcade, sharing a moment that felt like it was only meant for you—no cameras, no rush, just the quiet reminder of something a little more than the upcoming work.

─── ♡

the world was changing around him as he knew it. not only the change of leaves falling down and the temperature moving to a frigid feeling, but time itself.

the next couple months were…slow. a lot slower than sunghoon had anticipated. he was used to being on a time crunch.

the calendar he had once been using every day to remind himself of the many little details of his day, week to week was for once blank. only an occasional scribble remained every once in a while.

each week brought a new adventure, like wandering the shorelines on a beach day, toes buried in sand, or hopping from one coffee shop to another, scoring each drink for its flavor and warmth.

you all loved a good thrift hunt too, diving into racks of vintage tees, worn-in jeans, and forgotten books, each item telling a story as unique as the one you were all building together.

sunghoon recalled to how you basically picked a large majority of his new closet from there, smiling cheerfully as you forced him to try on things. he couldn’t lie, he liked your attention.

then there were the farmer’s markets, where you’d stroll through stands bursting with color—bright red strawberries, golden honey, baskets of earthy greens. sunghoon couldn’t deny that the warm pastries, fresh-baked and dusted with sugar, were growing on him.

for sunghoon, it was all foreign territory.

relaxing didn’t come naturally to him—he was used to constant movement, ticking clocks, and deadlines. he’d never lingered over a latte just to talk or sifted through racks at a thrift store for the fun of it.

“i was thinking to wrap up this…research,” jay started. all of you knew you were just friends hanging out til that point, no actual work being done, but hey! team bonding is important. “we should head to the city hall and read up on stuff there,” jay prompted. no one else really had specific plans as you’d already run through the collective to-do list.

you all nodded in agreement, scattering to get to the destination. normally, you’d carpool with minjeong and sunoo, but their car was in the shop for repairs, leaving you in a bit of a bind.

so, after a bit of back-and-forth, you found yourself in sunghoon’s car instead. it wasn’t exactly planned—just the most practical option.

sunghoon was terrified—of everything, it seemed. terrified of facing emotions, of this project, and especially, of you.

he enjoyed your company more than he wanted to admit, yet something about your gaze unsettled him. the way a single look from you could leave his head spinning, his heart pounding. it was unnerving.

he hated how much he liked being near you, how he’d catch himself wanting to stay just a little longer. he hated the way you knew his coffee order, called him ‘hoon’ did all the things coworkers don’t do.

from the way you’d lean over his desk to point out something on his screen, or when you would always run off to make sure he was okay when he split off during your group hangouts then spend the rest of the time with him.

that couldn’t just be friendly colleague behavior, right?

he wasn’t oblivious to the signs of a crush; he just hadn’t expected it to hit him with such intensity.

he wished the situation was clear and he could just tell you he liked you without breaking the very famous rule of “don’t date your co workers”. he wasn’t used to being patient.

“did you know that this city was built on some old guy’s school and farm and they evicted him?” jake asked sorting through files at the city hall.

jake’s voice snapping him out of his little world inside of his head.

“yeah i think i learned that in grade school,” he replied

“oh shit you lived here?” jake asked with amusement upon hearing that.

“i grew up here,” he replied, a hint of nostalgia flashing across his face. “but I moved away when I turned 18. felt like it was time to explore somewhere new,” he added, his gaze drifting momentarily, as though recalling a distant memory.

“we should do some of whatever favorites you have in this city,” minjeong suggested, nudging sunoo to look up from his phone.

sunghoon felt weird. all the attention was on him. of course he’d felt this before when presenting his work, but just having people (friends?) want to pay attention to him and listen to the mundane things he said.

this was personal. they weren’t looking at his work; they were looking at him, hanging on to even the smallest things he said, like they actually wanted to know him.

“um, there’s a small park near the house where i grew up, and a convenience store. nothing interesting really,” he suggested recalling his childhood.

“let’s go then! after we finish cleaning up though…” sunoo trailed off looking to the stack of boxes jay had pulled out for ‘research’.

“it’d be interesting to learn more about your childhood and about you, but if you don’t feel comfortable we don’t have to go,” you replied with a warm smile despite the cold months.

“no it’s fine, i don’t mind,”

and so, there you were, back in sunghoon’s car. the silence felt thick, stretching out between you like an unspoken question, lingering just beyond the reach of words.

the hum of the car’s heating was the only sound, filling the space with a steady warmth, yet doing little to ease the quiet tension.

you shifted in your seat, glancing out the window at the streetlights casting shadows on the road. despite the silence, you couldn’t help but feel that there was something comfortably familiar in it, as if the quiet itself was a language only the two of you could understand.

you stared out the window, but your mind kept drifting back to him. there was something magnetic about his quiet presence, like he filled the car without saying a word.

a part of you wanted to break the silence, to fill it with anything: a random comment, a question, maybe a joke. but you held back, sensing that maybe he didn’t mind the quiet.

still, the silence made you hyperaware of every little thing. the way his fingers tapped on the steering wheel occasionally. the way he’d glance your way, just for a second, then back at the road.

your heart felt annoyingly light, fluttering in a way that made you both want to smile and laugh at yourself. this was so out of character—you weren’t usually nervous around people, especially not people you’d been working with for a while.

you could feel your pulse quicken, and you didn’t know why. it wasn’t like he was doing anything out of the ordinary. just driving. just there, next to you.

each moment felt like it stretched out longer than the last. the silence was oddly comforting, even as it made you restless.

you glanced at him, noticing the way his jaw tightened when he concentrated on the road. it was… distracting. and you scolded yourself for even thinking that.

your fingers tapped your leg lightly, the same rhythm he tapped on the steering wheel. maybe he hadn’t noticed, but part of you hoped he had.

sunghoon wanted to say something, anything, to ease the stillness. but every word he thought of felt silly, or worse, like it meant more than he wanted it to.

“i feel like I should say something… this silence feels too heavy,” he admitted, his voice a little shaky, like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

you blinked, surprised, before a small smile crept onto your face. “no, really—it’s fine. i’m just enjoying the quiet,” you assured him, your tone easy, hoping it’d settle whatever tension he was feeling.

“i just… i don’t want the silence to feel uncomfortable,” he said, glancing over quickly before looking back at the road, as if he didn’t want to make too big a deal of it.

you felt a hint of warmth at his thoughtfulness. “i promise, it’s okay,” you replied, voice soft and steady. “sometimes, taking a moment to just… be, to appreciate what’s around us, that’s nice.”

he nodded, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel, and though he still seemed restless, your words seemed to settle something within him.

“don’t get me wrong—i’m not opposed to chatting,” you added with a light laugh. “just curious, though—how long until we get there?” you asked, steering the conversation somewhere new.

“about five minutes, give or take,” he replied with a nod. somewhere beneath the calm tone, he found himself wishing the drive was just a little longer to spend a few more seconds, minutes with you.

after the convenience store run and dropping you back at your apartment, sunghoon thought a lot about what you said.

your calmness toward silence lingered in his mind, a contrast to his urge to fill every pause, every quiet moment, with conversation.

he couldn’t understand how you seemed so at ease with the world, like every second didn’t need to be accounted for. he was used to filling gaps, rushing through silences, yet you just let them be, like every second didn’t need something to prove its worth.

unlocking the door to his own place, he mulled over how, in your company, even the silence hadn’t felt as heavy as he feared.

he wasn’t sure why, but the quiet with you had left him unsettled in a way he hadn’t expected.

─── ♡

sunghoon had felt significantly more comfortable over the next weeks growing more relaxed and talkative, it really seemed the team bonding did it’s job.

he felt more free, less judged to give his opinion.

two months had passed since you sat in sunghoon’s car for the first time. sunghoon’s calendar, still mostly blank, with minimal writing. the minimal writing being small things he’d remember about you, anything you told him really.

your favorite coffee, favorite flowers, hobbies, anything really.

tonight marked the first practice shoot of many, getting a good idea of the potential photos he might want. you sat in sunghoon’s car once again staring out at the city ahead of you from the view, taking in the sight.

from where you sat, the city stretched out below in a vast, glittering sprawl.

the buildings looked like scattered constellations against the night, lights twinkling from windows, and casting a warm glow into the misty evening air.

a gentle haze softened the skyline, blending the sharp edges of skyscrapers into the soft glow of distant streetlights and neon signs.

beside you, sunghoon had his camera in hand, his posture focused yet relaxed as he adjusted the settings, while jake, just to his left, fiddled with the light equipment, focused, no longer showing his joking fun demeanor.

the faint buzz of voices and distant city sounds drifted through the air, grounding the quiet scene around you.

you could hear a few clicks go off subtly, but the sound carried off with the many others in the night.

it was cold, and despite you being in multiple layers, you were still freezing.

wait. why were you out here again?

sunghoon and jake said they had it covered for this practice shoot, and jay, minjeong and sunoo weren’t here, so why were you here?

“nah don’t worry we’ll be okay, you go rest up,” you recalled jake saying when sunghoon and him were discussing where to first shoot at.

it was because you wanted to support them, yes.

or at least support sunghoon in his hard work and dedication.

right?

your mind drifted back to that moment, to the way sunghoon's expression shifted when you told jake it was alright—you wanted to stay, to watch them work.

his smile had softened, curving upward in a way you hadn’t seen before, and his eyes widened, just briefly, like he hadn’t expected you’d actually want to be there.

you never realized how much you liked seeing him smile, but it hit you that you enjoyed being in his warm graces. being the reason he could smile so happily like that.

then it hit you, surrounding all the times he’d show up at the gallery with two cups of coffee, one of his own, and a second of your favorite. it never phased you, but you enjoyed that brief moment in the morning. not just being able to get your favorite drink off the bat, but just seeing him.

maybe it was the way he listened or the silent way he noticed the details in people’s lives. maybe it was the steady calm he carried with him, which felt so opposite to the rush and noise of everyone else.

or maybe it was just the realization that you wanted more of those moments. of him.

you felt a new sort of comfort surrounding you in realizing where your thoughts carried you. it wasn’t scary and you didn’t feel pressured to feel what you did towards him.

it felt natural, and you didn’t mind the pace you were at.

“y/n you should come look at these photos sunghoon took, they’re amazing!” jake called out waving his hand to come look at the photos. you nodded and opened the car door making sure to carry the blanket that kept you warm.

you walked over with a sense of calm in you, feeling at peace for finally being able to sort your thoughts out. jake walked off leaving just you, sunghoon, and a camera.

you hovered over the camera inspecting the beauty captured by it, and comparing it to what you eyes could naturally take in infront of you marveling at the sight.

“these are just. wow. they’re stunning hoon, honestly good enough to be the final shoot,” you joked (not really) at the end. you didn’t have to lie to tell him the beauty they captured.

“thank you, y/n, i appreciate it,” his voice softened despite the frigid temperatures.

“i didn’t realize how much i liked nighttime cityscapes but just wow. you’re really a master at this,” you smiled still awing the photo. you looked up from the camera to find his eyes gazing back into yours studying your every micromovement.

maybe you should have instantly looked away when your eyes made contact, but you didn’t. you held his gaze looking in his eyes admiring the world you could see through them. admiring how you could see his world through them.

you felt yourself drawn in, noticing how his eyes softened in the dim light, catching every detail of your expression as if he were trying to memorize it, too. there was something so unguarded in his gaze that it left you wondering—how often did he let anyone see him this way?

it felt like looking into a world you hadn’t seen before, like a momentary glimpse past the careful walls he usually kept up. maybe that’s what held you, the idea that, through that look, you were somehow let in. you saw the way his guard slipped, even just a little, showing you the warmth and thoughtfulness usually hidden behind his quiet demeanor.

you admired the subtle spark in his eyes that seemed to light up when he was truly present, like he was with you in that moment, unhurried and genuine. there was a sense of closeness in the silence, an understanding that you both held, lingering quietly between you.

and as you held his gaze, it felt like everything around you faded out, like this moment had its own weight, its own depth, unfolding softly between you.

“okay, i loaded it on a different sd card, y/n do you wanna head back in the car to uh..” jake came back holding a laptop, preoccupied, then noticing the distance and the interaction between you and sunghoon.

one quick assessment of the situation and he figured out what was going on, no awkward looks or stutters needed to be said.

“uhh i’ll be over here, sunghoon let me know when you’re good to continue shooting,” he continued on, sitting down on the nearby camper chair with his laptop analyzing the photos.

“nono, i’ll head back to the car, good luck on the rest! show me in the car later!” you cheerfully yipped out, looking away from sunghoon, and briskly walking your way back to the car. his car that is.

as you slumped back into your seat, a strange energy filled you—a quiet buzz that ran beneath your skin. the evening was alive with possibilities, but you forced yourself to hold back, to let things unfold naturally. you reminded yourself not to jump ahead, not to overthink or analyze every look, every lingering silence. things would happen in their own time, you told yourself. let it be.

but even as you repeated the words, you couldn’t fully push away the anticipation thrumming inside you. you knew there was something there, something unspoken but felt. it made you feel like every small moment had meaning—like the way his gaze had softened when he’d caught you looking at him, or the way he waited just a second longer than necessary when he dropped you off, his eyes lingering on yours.

yet, you didn’t want to assume, didn’t want to misstep and make him uncomfortable by wanting more before he was ready. so you settled back, let yourself get lost in the quiet sounds of the night as you tried to quiet the thoughts in your mind.

sunghoon, however, was struggling with restraint of his own. he wanted to reach out, to define whatever this was now instead of letting it drift without a name. he wanted the clarity of a label, a tangible understanding between you both that this was more than just quiet glances and shared coffee.

he tapped his fingers against his side, feeling the impatience gnaw at him. he’d never felt quite this way before—this quiet, constant pull toward someone. he wanted the comfort of knowing where he stood, the simple ease of calling you something more than a friend.

and even though he hesitated, unsure of how to say it or when to bring it up, that impatience lingered, urging him to take a chance.

as you waited in the car, you noticed the signature blue calendar he would carry with him, peaking out from his bag. you knew it was bad to snoop, but it’s just a calendar so what’s the harm?

you recalled how he always kept his calendar so close, almost sacred. he’d never let anyone flip through it casually, and there was something endearing in the way he treated it like his personal vault. but here you were, skimming through its pages, carefully thumbing over each detail he’d meticulously planned, organized, and guarded.

as you moved further back in the year, you noticed how every single corner of the earlier months was packed with events, deadlines, and reminders, all stacked so close together there was barely any blank space. but as you neared the months when your project together began, it was as though the calendar itself had started to breathe. gaps of empty white space dotted each week—untouched, open, flexible.

flip to another week in the same month, where you saw all your favorite things being written down.

y/n favorite coffee, mocha cream y/n fav flower is peonies y/n likes citrus/clean scents

you couldn’t help but smile at these thoughtful details written in his familiar handwriting, an echo of how much attention he must have been paying all along. they weren’t bold or highlighted, no special stars or embellishments around them—just quiet, tucked away in the folds of his otherwise meticulously planned calendar.

you ran your finger over the words, letting yourself take in each small token he’d left behind feeling a warmth rise up in your chest as you took in the silent care embedded in those notes.

gently, you closed the calendar and placed it back in its spot, careful to leave it exactly as you’d found it.

─── ♡

on the drive back to the main city from the quiet outskirts where you’d been practice shooting, the car seemed to grow heavier with each passing mile. jake, sitting in the backseat, could practically feel the tension thickening in the air, a quiet current between you and sunghoon that neither of you seemed eager to break.

sunghoon had grown used to the silence that fell between you two. for someone who once found quiet spaces awkward and uncomfortable, he was starting to see the beauty in it—how, with you, silence didn’t feel empty.

it felt full, a kind of gentle hum that let him think without needing to say a word. he found himself watching the road ahead, but his mind drifted back to your presence beside him, wondering what you were thinking, feeling, if the silence was as comfortable for you as it was slowly becoming for him.

you stopped at the convenience store you stopped as a group months prior and you noticed subtle changes—a few new products, different ads on the walls, small shifts that somehow fit. it felt right though, the change for the store was good.

you wandered down the aisles, the familiar hum of the refrigeration units a soft background to your thoughts. a new brand of energy drink caught your eye, and you grabbed one, smiling as you remembered jake daring sunghoon to down two in a row last time you were all here.

sunghoon moved through the aisles with his usual quiet focus, but tonight, there was a slight hesitance in his steps. you walked a few paces behind, watching as he reached for snacks, glanced over products, but occasionally, you felt his gaze drift back to you. it was subtle, the way he’d glance over his shoulder, his eyes searching for a brief second before he turned away, as if to make sure you were still there.

once, your eyes met, and you felt a quiet pull—a wordless exchange that made you feel more aware of his presence, of the shared space between you. he held your gaze for a moment longer than expected, before he quickly looked away, clearing his throat as he continued on. the warmth lingered, a gentle heat settling in your chest, and you found yourself biting back a smile, wondering if he felt it, too.

it would have been easy to brush off, to tell yourself that it was just a simple look, a fleeting moment. but something about it felt significant, like there was more to it than either of you dared to say. as he continued down the aisle, his steps slowed, and he let the silence hang between you, filled with an awareness that was soft but unignorable.

you followed at his pace, feeling content to exist in this quiet moment together, letting the silence speak for itself. every now and then, he’d glance back, and each time, it felt like a quiet question he wasn’t quite ready to ask.

picking up a bag of chips, you lingered by the checkout, watching as he browsed the candy aisle with a rare, almost childlike curiosity. he finally settled on something, paying without a word and slipping it into his pocket with a subtle smile.

it was eerily silent for what many people would interpret as a group of friends, yet it felt right. the occasional joking comments from jake littered in through the silence, not that you minded.

you had texted sunoo and minjeong to come over despite it being the late hours in the night with the promise of paying for any snacks they wanted to which they happily obliged, and walked in not much longer.

they took sight of the many snacks sprawled across the table, eyes wide. "all this on you?" minjeong asked, surprised by the number of snacks.

"yep," you grinned, waving them over. “go wild.”

what once was silence was filled by cheerful banter between the five of you, while normally not as loud as you would be, you made up for the absence of jay probably being asleep.

you felt a pair of eyes comfortably resting on your figure and as you looked up, you found yourself eye to eye with sunghoon again, your gaze lingering longer than colleagues maybe should

after loading up on snacks, the five of you drifted out of the convenience store, stomachs full and happy, you found yourself back in sunghoon’s car.

as you buckled your seatbelt on you took another look at the peaceful look sunghoon had on his face and he looked back at yours. his gaze softened as he looked at you, and you could see a faint glint of amusement in his eyes.

“what? something on my face?” you asked, a small smile tugging at your lips, trying to break the momentary intensity of the eye contact.

“of course, i’d come out to support you anytime hoon. even after this project is done,” you replied, your voice soft but sincere.

he looked at you, his smile lingering, and for a moment, you could almost feel the weight of everything unsaid hanging in the air. “it means a lot, more than you know,” he said quietly, his gaze shifting to the ground for a moment, like he was sorting through something in his head.

you weren’t sure if it was the night, the quiet between you, or the lingering warmth of the convenience store visit, but something about the way he said it made you feel like there was more to that simple thank you. it was the kind of moment that felt small but significant, and for the first time in a while, you couldn’t help but wonder what would come next.

─── ♡

at the next practice shoot, the following month, everyone was there, and you could finally experience what working with each other was like for this project.

jay managing everyone, jake fixated on the lighting, minjeong, sunoo, and you on standby there for support. it seemed all that team bonding was starting to show as you found yourselves in a natural flow, relaxed yet anticipatory.

everyone seemed to be in their right mind, well, except for sunghoon that is.

unbeknownst to you, that convenience store night was all he could think about.

sunghoon adjusted his camera, hands steady but his mind drifting, unable to shake the unease gnawing at him. he tried to stay focused on the familiar rhythm of the shoot, hoping it would ground him, but his thoughts kept slipping back to the night at the convenience store.

he’d replayed every second in his mind—the way you’d looked at him, laughed at something he’d said, your easy smile that seemed to reach just a little deeper. it was as though he was seeing pieces of something beautiful that refused to fall into place.

his eyes drifted back to you, almost as if by habit. it felt like every look you shared lately had its own gravity, a silent language that left him both eager and hesitant. he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something unspoken lingering between you, yet he doubted himself, wondered if he was only imagining it.

he tried to brush it off, focusing instead on the task in front of him, calling out directions and adjusting his camera settings. still, his mind kept circling back, caught in a loop of doubt. every look you gave him seemed to spark a question he couldn’t answer.

were his feelings becoming too obvious? was he stuck waiting for a sign that would never come? each glance between you seemed to hold a promise, yet he was starting to wonder if it was all in his head, if he was simply reaching for something that wasn’t really there.

did you even want this? if you wanted it too why hasn’t anything happened? love should feel like it’s at first sight, that it’s simple and you’ll know right away.

he took a steadying breath and aimed his camera, telling himself that maybe this was just the timing, that things would unfold naturally. still, a part of him ached with impatience, with the desire for things to move forward, to finally break the tension and know where he stood.

in the end, he stayed quiet, capturing moments through his lens, hoping it would be enough to quiet his mind. but as the shoot wore on, he couldn’t help feeling like he was holding his breath, waiting for a moment that kept slipping just out of reach.

everything felt right, so why wasn’t anything happening?

if only you had known, maybe you could’ve said the words necessary to reassure him.

you glanced over at sunghoon, who was adjusting his lens with his usual precision, and couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips. lately, you’d noticed how he always seemed to glance back at you, his expression softening in a way that made you feel warm inside.

though, sunghoon was quieter than usual even after all the team bonding and getting used to being around each other. his gaze flickering between his camera and the ground, almost as if he were more focused on his thoughts than on the scene around him.

he seemed hesitant, movements a little more calculated, as if overthinking every small action.

you figured it must be due to the lack of sleep or just something.

it was as if he was unsure of his place—not in the project, but in whatever was building between the two of you. every now and then, you’d catch him watching you from afar, his gaze softer, but by the time you met his eyes, he’d look away quickly, his expression unreadable.

something about it just felt, off. normally, your gazes would linger with each other, intertwining as if they were telling a whole new story in each other’s glances, yet it couldn’t just be because he was tired.

he seemed cautious, like he was holding himself back again. you wondered if he was doubting the connection you thought had been growing, or if he was simply caught up in his own head. it was clear something was pulling him away, a hesitation that hung in the air between you, subtle but undeniable.

whilst you wanted to dwell on the issue further, you figured it could be an off day, you weren’t too concerned with fixing an unfixable issue. life would take it’s course, holding you by the hand wherever it wanted you to be.

you hoped that this principle would hold true even in this time now.

─── ♡

it had been months since the six of you had hung out not doing work related things, ironic as it sounds.

the six of you were gathered at the same cozy café you had frequented so many times before, the familiar chatter of friends filling the air as you each sipped on your drinks. the usual buzz of conversation was present, but today there was something different—a subtle shift in the atmosphere.

it felt like the walls that once existed in the beginning of the project were once built up again.

sunghoon sat across from you, his fingers tracing the rim of his coffee cup absentmindedly, eyes occasionally flicking to you when he thought you weren’t looking. he had been quieter than usual, more distant. you couldn’t pinpoint the reason, but it had been on your mind all week.

you tried to shake it off. maybe he was just tired. maybe it was the pressure of the project, of the looming deadline. but you couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling that something else was at play.

you took a sip of your coffee hoping to drown out the thoughts that ran through your head.

“so,” jake piped up, breaking the silence that had settled over the group. “anyone up for some impromptu karaoke later? i’ve been dying to belt out some classics.”

minjeong raised an eyebrow. “karaoke? really? you know i can’t sing to save my life.”

“don’t worry, we’ll let you off easy,” jake teased, leaning back in his chair with a grin. “i’m sure sunghoon here would love to join in, right?”

sunghoon’s gaze flickered to jake for a moment before his eyes slid back to his coffee cup. “i’m not really feeling it today,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper.

you glanced at him, catching his tired eyes before he quickly looked away. it was subtle, but there was an unmistakable shift in his demeanor, one that you couldn’t ignore. it wasn’t like sunghoon to turn down a new experience, even if it scared him. especially when the rest of the group was so lively.

“is everything okay?” you asked softly, your voice gentle, though you could feel the weight of your words hanging in the air. you didn’t want to push him, but you couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his mind.

sunghoon tensed for a brief moment, as though your question had caught him off guard. he hesitated, clearly unsure of how to respond. “yeah, everything’s fine,” he said finally, offering a half-hearted smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “just… tired, i guess.”

you nodded, but the unease in the pit of your stomach refused to settle. there was more to it than that. you could sense it, the way he kept his distance, the way his smiles no longer carried the same warmth. something was off, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that it was connected to you.

“come on, let’s not ruin the vibe,” minjeong interjected, her voice light and playful. “let’s focus on something fun. anyone want to plan our next outing?”

but sunghoon wasn’t really listening anymore. his focus was elsewhere, distant, as though his mind was a million miles away. you caught him glancing at his phone once, then again, but when you looked, he quickly put it down, his fingers tapping restlessly on the table.

it was obvious that his thoughts were elsewhere, and it made you feel like you were walking on eggshells around him. you hated this—this space between you both. it wasn’t like the easy banter you were used to, the comfortable silence you could share without it feeling heavy.

you shifted in your seat, your gaze dropping to your drink. you tried to focus on the conversation, on the lighthearted chatter between sunoo and jake, but your thoughts kept drifting back to sunghoon.

was he upset with you? was something wrong with the project? or maybe—just maybe—he was pulling away because of something more. something you couldn’t quite understand.

“i think i’m gonna head out soon,” sunghoon said suddenly, his voice breaking through your spiraling thoughts. “got some stuff to take care of, old projects”

the group looked up, surprised by his abrupt announcement. you didn’t want to let him leave like this, not with the tension hanging in the air. but you didn’t want to push him either.

“are you sure?” you asked, your voice quieter than you intended.

sunghoon looked at you, his expression unreadable for a moment. then, he nodded. “yeah. i’ll see you guys later.”

with that, he stood up and made his way toward the door, leaving the table behind him. the remaining five of you exchanged glances, a sense of confusion settling over the group. you could hear the murmur of voices, but none of it really reached you. your mind was fixed on sunghoon’s retreating figure.

“he’s been like this for a while now,” jake said, his tone quieter than usual. “i don’t think it’s just the project.”

you swallowed, trying to push down the growing anxiety in your chest. “what do you mean?”

jake shrugged, glancing over at sunghoon’s empty seat. “he’s been distant, you know? like he’s in his head too much. he wasn’t always like this.”

you nodded slowly, unsure of what to say. your gaze wandered to the door where sunghoon had just exited. was he pulling away from everyone? or was it just you? the thought gnawed at you, and for the first time in a long while, you felt uncertain.

you wanted to help him, to break through whatever wall he had built around himself. but you didn’t know how.

“don’t worry about it,” minjeong said, her voice soft as she noticed the way you were biting your lip in thought. “he’ll figure it out.”

you hoped so. but deep down, you weren’t so sure. you wanted to continue whatever thing you had going on, but weren’t sure if it was possible to return to that small state of bliss between the two of you. possible to return to that same state where you’d gaze into each other's eyes finding a potential lifetime in them.

─── ♡

the first day of final shootings arose sooner than he would’ve hoped. it was a month since he last saw you and the coffee shop, spending most of his time with jake and jay away from the gallery.

sunghoon stood on the top of the hill, camera in hand, staring out at the city below. the night stretched endlessly, thick with clouds, the city lights shimmering in the distance, blurred by a soft drizzle that seemed to hang in the air, casting a haze over everything, nothing to what the first practice shoot felt like.

jay and jake stood off to the side, adjusting the lighting, keeping their voices low, perhaps sensing the tension rolling off him. sunghoon took in a sharp breath, the cold air burning slightly as he tried to focus on something other than the gnawing frustration in his chest.

his mind wandered back to you, to the way you’d once stood beside him on pratice shoot nights. your eyes bright with excitement, seeing something in each scene that he’d often missed. he thought of how you’d nudge him, urging him to experiment, to capture things in ways he hadn’t thought of. you’d brought a sense of ease, of natural rhythm, to his work.

now, without you, he felt like he was grasping at fragments of inspiration, his usual confidence slipping away.

“hey, sunghoon, maybe we should take a break?” jake suggested gently, sensing his growing frustration. “it’s still early. we’ve got time, we can grab a bite to eat then come back,”

“no, it’s fine, i’m just, thinking,” sunghoon replied back in a tone harsher than he intended.

sunghoon watched as jake blinked, slightly taken aback, and jay cast him a cautious look, but they both kept their distance, knowing better than to push him. he turned away, gripping his camera tightly, frustrated with himself for snapping at jake. it wasn’t their fault he couldn’t settle into the rhythm of this shoot; they were only trying to help.

“sorry,” sunghoon mumbled out. “i didn’t mean to come off that way i’ve just been stressed,”

the two nodded in acceptance and brushed it off, they knew better than to get hurt by words from a confused man.

he closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself settle into the familiar sounds of the city below, trying to reconnect with something beyond his frustration. he felt jake’s concerned gaze, sensed jay hovering nearby, but they didn’t say anything, and somehow, the quiet felt heavier than before.

to sunghoon’s disappointment, jay called it a night there sensing how sunghoon needed time to process whatever he was going through. they didn’t have much time, but any was better than none.

sunghoon was was in a slump. he came to the conclusion that him and you were just not meant to be. as much as he’d love to just drown out his emotions with another batch of meaningless unsentimental photos he had a job to do.

he thought about how slowly things had built between you two, how gentle it all was—like a quiet warmth that crept up over time. but it wasn’t love at first sight. it hadn’t been some dizzying, head-spinning whirlwind. and now, that absence haunted him.

maybe he was wrong to let himself care like this, he thought, feeling the weight of it all press down on him. maybe he’d misread the signals, mistaken something comfortable for something more. if it was real, shouldn’t it have been electric from the start?

he leaned his head back, sighing as he let the doubt settle in. he searched for reasons, for something to explain the ache he felt, for why he couldn’t shake this longing for you even now. he wanted to believe it was enough—the quiet way he’d come to care, the steady rhythm of falling for you. but as the night grew still, so did his doubts.

feeling impatient and irritated he pondered what was next after this project?

go back to the busy photography life of visiting a multitude of countries in a short span to take photos that held zero meaning to him?

it only fueled his reasoning that it wasn’t meant to be.

while he may not have enjoyed it, that was his life, taking photos, what else was he going to do?

as he set up his camera for a second attempt, with jake once helping with lights and jay helping to make sure everything ran well.

though, it didn’t quite feel the same as all his other photography shoots. instead of a clear sky with stars shining bright and a perfect bustling city, it was…imperfect.

instead of the crystal-clear sky he’d planned for, filled with stars, the sky was murky, blanketed by thick clouds that blotted out the moonlight. the city below was drenched, its usual dullness covered by the rain that pooled in the gutters and slicked the sidewalks, leaving everything looking worn and tired.

as sunghoon set up his camera, adjusting the settings and squinting through the viewfinder, he couldn’t shake the feeling that tonight was off. jake held up the lights beside him, fighting the rain that made it all ten times harder.

he frowned, feeling the tug of irritation, every part of him wanting to pack up his equipment and call it a night. he didn’t want this—the blurred lines, the washed-out colors, the way it all felt messier than he’d envisioned. it was nothing like the polished image he’d had in his head.

jay, sensing sunghoon’s frustration, clapped him on the shoulder, leaning in so his words wouldn’t get lost in the noise of the rain. “just give it a chance. wait it out the rain maybe, and then we can get the perfect shot,”

and that’s when it hit him.

his city was just perfectly imperfect.

it wasn’t what he’d expected. it wasn’t his ideal vision, but it was real. raw. flawed in a way that felt unexpectedly compelling.

he raised his camera again, eyes focusing through the lens as he let go of the need for perfection, ready to capture something true, something that told a story all its own.

as the camera shuttered, he felt a sense of excitement wash over him. the feeling of taking photos for his enjoyment rushing back as he snapped each photo.

“these photos are gonna be kinda…drabby, to say the least. a bunch of editing is gonna be needed, but we can work with this,” jake contested feeling unsure of sunghoon’s bold confidence as he smiled back to jake with a huge grin.

“this whole week is raining too sunghoon, so either next week or today if you don’t like the photos, but we’re on a time crunch,” jay called from the tent shielding him from the rain.

sunghoon shook his head with a wave of confidence, “no, i think i like these photos a lot. they feel very, personal i guess you could say,”

jake raised an eyebrow, glancing over at sunghoon with a hint of surprise. “really? didn’t think you’d go for something so… unfiltered,” he said, half-smiling.

sunghoon chuckled, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “yeah, neither did i,” he admitted, glancing down at the screen where the captured images glowed back at him. “but there’s something about the imperfections that feels more… real, like it’s not just another shot of a pretty city.”

as he stared down at the candid, rain-soaked cityscape on his camera screen, sunghoon felt something shift inside him. he thought back to his relationship with you with the new perspective.

he’d expected a flawless, cinematic romance—the kind where everything fell neatly into place from the start, where feelings were undeniable and immediate. but maybe love wasn’t that way. maybe it wasn’t about some grand, sweeping declaration or the way his heart skipped a beat at the first sight of you.

his fingers hovered over the camera, tracing the edges of the image displayed there. the shot was far from perfect—the rain blurred the streetlights, and the shadows of people passing were smudged into streaks across the pavement.

he thought of you again, the way you always let things unfold as they were, never rushing or trying to force anything. that patience, that acceptance of things as they came, was something he was beginning to understand.

he’d wanted so badly for everything to be clear-cut, to know exactly where he stood with you, exactly what every glance and word meant. but now, he was starting to see the beauty in letting things grow in their own time.

sometimes being impatient for the unknown was okay. not knowing what comes next is part of the journey and excitement.

he excitedly took photos throughout the city with a new found perspective, letting the wind take him.

─── ♡

the date for the gallery was finally set, and the buzz around it was impossible to ignore. posters were up around campus, social media posts were popping off with previews, and it felt like everything was falling into place just right.

you’d been in constant contact with minjeong and sunoo, coordinating each little detail, answering questions, adjusting plans to fit sunghoon’s vision as closely as possible. there was a quiet pride in watching it all come together, a satisfaction in knowing your work had paid off in ways you hadn’t fully anticipated.

there was a quiet pride in watching it all come together, a satisfaction in knowing your work had paid off in ways you hadn’t fully anticipated.

the gallery had drawn more attention than expected—people genuinely seemed excited about it. every time you checked in with sunoo, he had new numbers to share about the online engagement, and minjeong kept you updated on event interest lists, which were growing every day.

it was overwhelming to say the least, but you took pride in the end project.

you wondered if sunghoon knew just how much excitement surrounded his work, if he’d noticed the attention or if he was too deep into perfecting the last shots for the exhibit to realize how much time and effort had been tumped in.

a small part of you wondered if he’d thought about you at all in the last month. it had been weeks since that night at the convenience store, that easy warmth you’d felt lingering between you two somehow.

since then, things had gone quiet, slipping into routine, and you’d buried yourself in coordinating every detail of this launch. but even as the work kept you busy, thoughts of him still crept in, unbidden and frequent. there was something there that was hard to define—an almost friendship, maybe more. whatever it was, you hoped it hadn’t faded while he’d been away.

you wanted to reach out to him, tell him you were just a chat away from talking about everything. any worries about anything.

on the day of the final walkthrough, you stepped into the gallery a little earlier, wanting a chance to look around before the crowd arrived. the walls were lined with his shots, each one telling its own story, each one imbued with a little more of him than you’d expected.

his work felt personal, almost like glimpses into a side of him you hadn’t seen before.

you lingered in front of one of the photos, a candid shot of the cityscape under an overcast sky, rain blurring the edges. it was imperfect but striking, raw and beautiful in its own way. you felt a sense of quiet pride for him and his work.

it was obvious he’d poured himself into this project, and now, standing here in the gallery, surrounded by pieces of his world, you understood a little more of what he’d been chasing after.

but as you were looking through all the pieces you noticed something different. it wasn’t just cityscapes this time.

as your eyes wandered along the gallery walls, familiar scenes began to emerge, each one tugging you back to a moment you’d almost forgotten.

first, there was the convenience store, washed in soft, nostalgic hues. the aisles looked the same as they had that night, but the way he’d captured it felt almost dreamlike. the colors seemed warmer, more inviting. you could almost hear the quiet hum of the refrigerators, the faint rustle of snack bags, and the soft, comforting silence that had filled the air between you.

your gaze drifted to the next photo—a snapshots of the arcade. it was chaotic yet somehow inviting, as though he’d captured a slice of that unfiltered joy you’d felt there. the image focused on the crane machine, its glass glowing under neon light. the sight vividly reminding you of the two of you laughing and cheering each other on as you attempted, over and over, to win a plush toy. the energy was so vibrant, it almost felt like you were back in that moment, playfully trying over and over again for sunghoon jr.

then your eyes fell upon a final image that caught you off guard. it was of a small receipt taped to a window, the ink faded, but clear enough to make out a single line item—your favorite coffee order. the shot was so simple, yet intimate, as if he’d captured a little piece of you in that slip of paper. in this photo, you could feel his attention to detail, his desire to remember even the small things.

a quiet realization settled over you as you looked at these photos, each one woven with memories of your time together. you’d thought you were simply there to support him, but here in this gallery, with his work all around you, it felt like you were somehow a part of it, a part of him.

as the time ticked closer to the opening, you spotted sunghoon entering quietly, his gaze sweeping across the room, an unreadable expression on his face. when his eyes landed on you, he gave a small nod, something tentative in his gaze. your heart gave a small leap, a reminder of everything unspoken, every quiet look and lingering moment.

you smiled at him, a silent acknowledgment of all the work that had led you both here. whatever the night would bring, you were glad to be here, a part of this world he’d built.

“do.. you like it?” sunghoon asked nervously, awaiting your opinion. after the inspiration had hit him that it was okay for things to take his time, he found himself being pulled to all the key moments that developed the relationship between you two.

"like it? no, i love it, hoon. it feels so… real," you said softly, a gentle smile spreading across your face as you looked back at him.

sunghoon’s eyes flickered to yours, and for a moment, something unspoken hung in the air between you. he hesitated, his gaze searching your expression as though he were trying to see if you meant it—if you truly saw what he’d poured into each frame.

"i wanted it to be… more than just photos," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, almost as if he was confessing something he hadn’t fully realized himself. "more than just places. places that reminded me of you,"

you nodded, understanding settling over you as you took in his work again, feeling the weight and warmth of every captured moment. life was finally taking its course again.

sunghoon felt at peace letting fate take the reigns of his life, it felt peaceful not having to worry and make life fit to your time.

─── ♡

“PARK SUNGHOON: HEART OF THE CITY” is what was plastered on the billboards everywhere in the city, social media, everywhere.

opening day of the new exhibit quickly arose with the gallery completely booked out with admission tickets to see the classic perfection of beauty from one of the world’s most renowned and skilled photographers.

sunghoon’s work hung along the walls, each photograph telling a story that felt intimate yet universal. it was almost surreal, seeing the spaces that had once been mere fragments of his ideas now filling the room, carrying the weight of so many moments he had captured over the last few months. you felt like each photo held something personal—a glimpse into his world.

your mind kept drifting to sunghoon. would he be pleased with the way everything had turned out? would he see what everyone else seemed to—the raw beauty and sincerity of his vision?

with doors officially opened, a steady flow of visitors began walking through, filling up the main room anticipating sunghoon’s opening speech.

jay started off with introducing sunghoon with a brief overview, going into detail about the city’s history and sunghoon’s connection, and as that fastly came to a close, you from behind as sunghoon took the microphone from jay’s hand and began.

he was more nervous from ever. doing the opening speech wasn’t the hard part, but with you watching, it scared him even more. he recalled back to letting life take him by the hand and talk freely letting the words fall out of his mouth.

“thank you so much for being here this morning, i appreciate each and everyone of you who came out, this project couldn’t have been done without my amazing team, jay, jake, minjeong, sunoo, and y/n,” he paused, his gaze shifting to each of you, lingering just a second longer when his eyes met yours.

you felt your cheeks turn a rosy pink at the mention of your name. you felt your cheeks turn a soft shade of pink at the mention of your name. standing there, surrounded by the work you’d all brought to life, the warmth that spread through you was undeniable.

“this work is definitely some of the most personal and dear to me, and i had the chance to have my inspiration for these pieces work alongside me,” he continued on. his eyes flickered back to you as he said it, a subtle but unmistakable acknowledgment. “these pieces will differ from my past works, as it includes photography of not just cities, but the life within them, and the love i’ve found in the city,”

a murmur spread through the crowd, people glancing at you with quiet smiles, but all you could focus on was him. the way his words seemed to reach you across the room, folding the world down to just the two of you.

as his speech concluded and the crowd broke into applause, you found yourself wondering if he knew just how much he had inspired you too. sunghoon gave a modest smile, but his eyes held a depth, a gratitude, and something else that you couldn’t quite put into words.

as the crowd split off to see the works plastered on the walls, some lingered in front of certain images, whispering to each other with appreciative nods, while others stood in awe, studying each detail. every so often, you caught snippets of their murmurs: “this one feels so real, doesn’t it?” or “you can almost feel the moment in this.”

the positive reactions settled some of your nerves, and a small smile formed as you saw sunghoon's work finally receiving the admiration it deserved.

amidst the crowd, you spotted him—sunghoon, standing quietly to the side, his gaze drifting from one photograph to another. his usual air of quiet confidence seemed tinged with something softer today, almost like he, too, was letting himself be vulnerable among his own work. you couldn’t resist walking over, weaving through the guests until you reached him.

“sunghoon,” you whispered, a warmth spreading in your chest. “they love it. look around. you did it.”

he turned to you, a flicker of something gentle in his expression as he took in your words. “i couldn’t have done it without you,” he replied, the depth in his voice making your heart flutter.

you laughed softly, shaking your head. “no, this is all you. i’m just lucky i got to witness it up close.”

"you. you were the inspiration," he said softly, his gaze holding yours with a warmth that made your heart skip a beat. his fingers found yours, interlocking them together gently. “i don’t want to rush it, but it feels right, you and me,” he continued, his voice a quiet confession that was both vulnerable and certain.

you felt your chest warm, a delicate reassurance flooding through you as you squeezed his hand. “hoon, i…” you trailed off, searching for the right words, realizing that he already knew. he could see it in the way you looked at him, the way you stayed close.

“you don’t have to say anything,” he murmured, a small smile tugging at his lips. “i just wanted you to know, and thank you for waiting so patiently,” his words were soft, thoughtful, as if he understood all the unspoken things you felt, as if he had been waiting just as patiently as you.

“i like you too hoon. like a lot a lot,” you giggled with a smile falling over your face. “i don’t know where this will lead,” you continued, feeling an odd mix of certainty and excitement, “but i’m ready to see where it goes. with you.”

the time it took to your heart might’ve been a while, but it was worth every second. love doesn’t happen fast, but when it does, it’s a wonderful beautiful thing.

his eyes softened, and he squeezed your hand in return, a silent promise in that touch, a reassurance that this was only the beginning.

─── ♡

the weekend after the exhibit opened, you and sunghoon decided on your first official date. it felt surreal, standing there with him in a different light—not as colleagues, not as friends, but something warmer, something that hinted at possibilities.

sunghoon picked the same café, cozy and tucked away, with large windows and low-lit ambiance that felt as comforting as a well-kept secret. as you settled into your seats, ordering your favorite coffee, that felt more like old friends than drinks, he glanced at you with a mixture of hesitation and excitement, a rare vulnerability in his usually steady gaze.

“there’s something i should probably tell you,” he started, a faint smile tugging at his lips, looking almost as though he were admitting a long-held secret.

you tilted your head, curiosity sparking in your eyes, though you had a feeling you already knew what was coming. “go on,” you encouraged, a playful smile creeping up on your face.

he looked away for a moment, almost sheepish. “the calendar,” he said, his fingers tapping the table, “i started keeping track of… well, of things about you. your favorite things, places you liked going… i mean, it was probably overboard—”

you couldn’t help but smile, reaching across the table to touch his hand. “sunghoon,” you interrupted softly, “i already knew, i might have taken a peak in the car during the first practice shoot,” you giggled feeding him a bite of the coffee cake you had also ordered.

he exhaled, relief washing over him, the tension in his shoulders relaxing. “i was terrified you’d find it strange or overbearing.”

“not at all,” you assured, squeezing his hand. “if anything, it felt nice. it felt… real.”

for a moment, neither of you spoke, letting the quiet comfort of the café fill the silence between you. sunghoon’s fingers intertwined with yours, his thumb brushing gently over your knuckles, as if he were memorizing every detail, just like those careful notes in his calendar.

he grinned, clearly pleased, and you both leaned into that moment, the knowledge of each other’s hidden care coming into the open, like the first step in something neither of you could wait to see unfold.

“what’s the plan now that the contract is basically up?” you asked a wave of unsurety washed over you. a moment of peace, but you were reminded he still had a job to do.

“i think i’m going to take a break, see where life takes me, hopefully with you,” he hummed out in response.

you nodded, the weight of his words sinking in slowly, and a quiet smile spread across your face. here you were, together at last, and he was already speaking as if this—whatever this was—was just the beginning.

“you’re sure?” you asked, voice almost a whisper.

sunghoon’s eyes softened, the confidence of his words melting away any trace of doubt. “i don’t think i’ve been surer about anything else,” he murmured, meeting your gaze with steady warmth. “i’ve spent so long capturing moments, freezing them in time… but with you, i want to be present for whatever comes next.”

while it was fun traveling to different countries, it’s not like he got to really experience them like he experienced the city he once called home. form a bond with the city. experience forming a bond with you.

you felt that same warmth wash over you, grounding you in the reality of his presence. a presence that had once felt distant, but was now unmistakably here, lingering in every breath, every glance, every small, silent gesture.

“i like the sound of that,” you replied, unable to help the way your smile deepened. “guess it’s a good thing you took such careful notes about me,” you teased, a playful glint in your eyes.

he laughed, shaking his head. “all those notes… they didn’t even scratch the surface.”

you felt a flutter in your chest, a feeling that settled somewhere deep and familiar, one that whispered to you that everything was finally falling into place.

as you stood together in that moment, time seemed to stretch, just like one of sunghoon’s photographs. you knew there’d be more moments like this, moments where nothing needed to be said, and everything felt perfectly imperfect, just as it was.

“so, where do we go from here?” you asked, looking at him with a mix of excitement and anticipation.

“anywhere,” he replied, squeezing your hand gently, “as long as it’s with you.”

you knew then that whatever path lay ahead, it was one you’d face together.

─── ♡

a/n: sunghoon's version of to: your heart!!! everyone cheered (me). happy belated birthday to jake ? (I have terrible timing and I should've written his first than do sunghoon's). make sure to SMASH that like button, but in all seriousness all likes, reblogs, and comments are deeply appreciated!! unrelated but thank you to sav for indirectly reminding me to write this by mentioning this like once in a convo LMAO. hope you all enjoyed !! ><

@ coqhee 2024. all rights reserved.

[xiaojaan]

day 3739104720 of me saying i hate delhi airport 🙏🏼

[werindialive]

Indian-British academic opens up about being deported for her anti-India stance

The Indian-origin British academic, Nitasha Kaul responds to the claims behind her deportation from India after she landed at Bengaluru's Kempegowda International Airport last weekend. There were many assumed reasons behind her deportation including "married to a Pakistani... a pawn of China... a puppet (of the) West..."

As per a government source, Kaul was deported because of her anti-India stance and pro-separatist thinking. However, Kaul in a statement said, "I am authoritarian fear... a thinking woman".

In a post on X, Kaul wrote, "Re: all the lies, I am not married to a Pakistani, not a Muslim convert, not a pawn of China, not a puppet of (the) West, not a commie (Communist), not a jihadi, not a Pak sympathizer, not a terrorist supporter, not anti-India, and not part of a gang."

"My experience was harrowing... but the humiliation is not mine. It is that of a ridiculous, insecure regime. What I have termed 'moral wound of colonialism' in my work is very much on display."

"Selective resurrections of past macro histories are used to manipulate present sentiment," she said.

"I urge you to think beyond walls of hate against those different from you... and to read and understand what I say and think, before rushing to condemn. It is hard but it is possible."

Nitasha is a Professor of Politics, International Relations, and Critical Interdisciplinary Studies at the University of Westminster in London. In her words, she is a “Kashmiri Novelist”.

Nitasha on Sunday took to Twitter and posted a detailed post wherein she said that she has been "denied entry to India for speaking on democratic and constitutional values".

"I was invited to a conference... by the Government of Karnataka (a Congress-ruled state) but the center refused me entry. All my documents (UK passport and Overseas Citizen of India card) were valid..."

"I was given no reason by immigration except, 'We cannot do anything, orders from Delhi'."

For more national news India in Hindi, subscribe to our newsletter.

[radioactive-rosh]

my brother, as a joke one day, asked bhaiya what he would rate delhi as a city, one-to-ten.

bhaiya wasn’t sure, but he said somewhere between three and seven. because the air quality is absolutely abysmal and the crime is awful and it is so busy all the time. and because it’s home.

and he asked us, and my brother said 4. because there are so many mosquitos, even in winter, and my brother is their favorite victim; and houses have weird heating; and the air pollution makes his eyes feel funny.

and i said 7 or 8. because the air is awful but when i’m away, i smell smoke and think of delhi. it is gross, the crime is so bad, and frankly it’s pretty unsafe for women and it’s cold inside the house in winters and blazingly hot in summers but i miss it like a lost limb. i walk out of indira gandhi international airport and take a deep breath and i think i’m home. this is what home is meant to feel like. a return. i go to bodela and look at the street shops and the mehendiwalas and the ornamental dresses on blonde mannequins and i think this is it. this is it. this is it.

and i know if i stayed here long enough, my rating would be lower. i know staying in a place makes you hate it, just a little. enough to see the flaws and the annoyances and the bad shit. i know it. i know it like i know my hometown, because even though it’s the city in the world i know best, the city where all my friends are, sometimes i think i hate it, that i would do anything to run away. but a part of me still loves it so. and that part always will.

i’m idealizing delhi because it’s the place i most remember; because it is the city of my childhood, the city with family; my destination and my haven after more than a whole day of flying and travel and awful sleep; because it’s the home that was never mine to keep.

i find myself wondering: what if i stay here? what if i stay here — just long enough to hate it.

my city back home is telling me it’s almost time to go. and i can’t yet, not quite, and i’m not quite ready, but almost. almost.

i want to wander, and i want to get lost.

i want to stay somewhere where i can be a face in the crowd, i want to drag my siblings places and to laugh like it’s my last chance, and i want to breathe deep and smell the smoke, be outside till the pollution stings my eyes.

just enough to know this is real: i am here, and this is real. this is all i need.

i will stay here until i hate it like the rest.

“a home that isn’t mine”

01/03/2022

[kibumkim]

(1/2) hey Adrian can I rant? nothing deep but I need to talk to someone who hasn’t got brain rot? it’s going to be a little long, sorry for that 😅 to preface: Indian here. now we all know about the bar being low for decent Korean idols. I wanna talk about fans of colour who accept (gratefully) racist bullshit. there is a show called fluttering India (2015) where 6 kpop idols came to India. 2 of them were shinee’s minho and exo’s suho. Here’s what happened during the show. 1. kpop fans protested that their pure baby idols shouldn’t go to dirty and scary india where they can get Ebola. 2. the PD gave the wrong schedule to the fans so they wouldn’t greet them at the airport. 3. Some fans still figured out the right time and waited for 12 hours at the airport. When the idols came, not one fan was allowed to greet them. They were threatened that if they did - the show would not be shot. 4. one guy came with a lot of kimchi because what is Indian food if not unhealthy and dirty. 5. One guy from the kr embassy assisted them to their hotel and one guy used the washroom and needed help from the embassy guy in finding the flush. Because we use manual flushes here. 6. They went to the slums! and Kyu Hoon (super junior) says “Now this is the real india!”. I think it was this show (can’t remember) where one of the guys got spoons because he thought that there will not be one place in the country where he’ll find a spoon. ya know, since we eat with our hands 🙃 8. they were at the Delhi gate when one middle-aged guy approached them to take a pic of him and his wife. comments section? “Omg I’m so embarrassed no one recognised them”, “I’m so glad they took the photo gratefully” like were they supposed to throw a tantrum? the entire comments section was filled with “such a great show! I’m embarrassed that no one recognised them! They should come to India now because every Indian knows their name” like bro did you not see the racism?

(2/2) when you search india Korea on YouTube, you get “do Korean guys like Indian women”, “what do Korean guys think about Indian women”, “reacting to Indian women - women in scantily laid clothes dancing in Bollywood and then calling it Indian culture 😎”, how do the girls react? “So proud they like our culture😌😌”, “I wish to date a guy like you” If they find a video on an Indian girl dating a Korean guy - “omg how did you do it? Will they like me - I’m dark skinned” like omg where’s your self-respect, when did self-worth become synonymous with being liked by guys from another country? It physically pains my heart to see young Indian girls (and black girls and girls from every community of colour) just letting themselves and their culture be disrespected. they are basing their self worth off idols who can’t give a shit and this is going to do so much long term damage to them. I’m so tired of seeing these idols and the entire industry actually disrespect every culture on the map and every single person is always supposed to assume that that not a single person in the entire industry has no clue on any culture but in the same length, all of us are supposed to tolerate every single bullshit thrown our way, liking a group and then wondering if the people in this group view our community as human beings. and then finding out that they don’t! And then having to listen from everyone and even people in your own community to not take it seriously. at this point, I plan on deleting every single kpop song from my library and forget all of this like I’m tired. Sorry for putting this on you. I don’t expect you to write an essay, I just really need to vent to someone who isn’t all about forgiving idols for their “mistakes” which at this point is my entire friend group.

Theres a lot here and I absolutely agree with everything thing you said this may be multiple rbs just to give a full scope of what i think about it so bear with me. But honestly a lot of these girls have internalized self hatred at this point like i knew girls irl that would say stuff like that like they would obsess over what men from other countries who had either no interest in them or didnt even know they existed and that was always wild to me? Like why do that to yourself? I understand liking a celebrity that happens to be a certain race/ethnicity but some of these people are obsessed with these men BECAUSE theyre that race and thats very different and dangerous imo!

Now onto the them actually…protesting them going to india..thats a WHOLE lot like jesus how racist do you have to be to even do some shit like that like i cant even wrap my head around that my god. Also like “im so embarrassed no one recognized them” that shit would happen in America too why even just say that about India specifically? Do they think every other country also knows these idols? And thats not even me down playing their fame a lot of people genuinely just dont pay attention to kpop so they don’t know them.

But yeah we definitely need to address the self hate that so many brown and black people have where they just like u said let themselves and their cultures get disrespected this was a good ask and im sorry that it took me a bit to respond to it!

[abeyyaaar]

I am asking you this because you mentioned you had been to Delhi and I want to know the good & the bad things about Delhi since both the cities are considered rivals of each other🙈

Things I liked :

Street Food -- hella variety!! Taste super yum & so very cheap. Thali size paneer partha for jus 40bucks(this was so good I brought it for my family when I went home for Diwali🤣 & it survived the flight ride), 2 big ass bhatures with chole for jus 40bucks, small plate of piping hot jalebis(winter fav) jus for 10bucks. Also, delhi hot me addicted to Momos which are freaking expensive in my city.!😤😤 Somebody send me some soya chapp burh!!!😭😭😭

Street Shopping -- lot of range esp the winter collection and it's very cheap plus they let you bargain unlike here!😤

Metro -- I am in love with Delhi metro. It's very well connected,easy to use,spacious and clean.Also, the separate metro connected to Airport🙌🏼

People -- They were amazing. Esp my landlord bhaiya,cook bhaiya, my roommates & my next door neighbour!!🤗🤗🤗

Food Chains -- McD/BK/Wok/Chaayos etc. at the station were a blessing!!😍

Coffee Stalls -- They had chai stalls too like we have here, but you dnt see cyclewale uncle with coffee here, if ya need coffee here shell out min 50-70 bucks but there it was jus 20!🙈🤷🏽‍♀️

Things I dint like :

Rickshaw -- I was ok with the Open Rickshaws but the normal sized Green rickshaws are very uncomfortable for 3 ppl

Theatre -- Now idk if I was too broke or too technically unsound that I couldnt find a good theatre in my surrounding. It was either a dingy mall or PVR. No in-between.

Night travelling -- I had the worst experience in the 1st month itself. Even standing in the balcony,in the morning, was an issue, at times.

Social Stigma -- The stigma around consuming meat & period was the worst. I am neither forcing you to eat meat nor telling you to handle my used sanitary napkin..FFS calm your tits down and jus let the other person enjoy what they like.

Weather -- HATE IT!!!!! TOOO HOT or TOO COLD!! NO IN-BETWEEN!!!😭😭😭 I STARTED WEARING ZIPPER IN OCT AND EVERYONE WOULD JUST STARE AT ME LIEK IMMA SOME KIND OF A FREAK!!

Golgappas -- I had heard so much about Delhi ki chat that I tried it int he very first week and was it ah "interesting"👀👀👀. I am used to ragda and not "potato & onion" in my panipuri. I gave it a try one more time & this was a nice shop n all but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️. Naaaa humse na ho payega.

These are jus the things I could remember from the top of my head. I don't hate Delhi as I thought I would and by the end of 3-4months of my stay, I started loving it. Different people have different experience and this is mine, so don't @ me for anything except if ya ready to send some soya chapp my way👀🤣!!

[mindarae67]

January 10, 2020

It’s Friday here and we arrived at about 8:30am. I hate to say this but I’m already sick of Indian food. I can’t get the smell of curry out of my nose or clothes!!! We got picked up at the airport and drove about 45 min to the Oberoi New Delhi Hotel. The traffic & drivers here are crazy!! They make a 3 lane road into 4-5 lanes. Nobody drives inbetween the lines. Honking like crazy. This hotel is beautiful. It’s almost embarrassing after seeing all the poverty driving here. Pics above. We were supposed to do a street food tour this afternoon but we bagged it to rest. Long trip!!!! Miss you all!! Lori...these hotel pics are for you.

[awesomehimalayanhigh-blog]

Best Jungle Safari In India - Madhya Pradesh

I have recently come back from four-month solo spending travel in Europe and still inside seven days, the post-travel gloom kicks in. What's more, to aggravate it, my morning sniffles incited by a brown haze covered Delhi turns into a daily schedule. I am desiring to return to nature at the smallest probability. I begin searching for choices – the slopes of Himachal, a forsaken place where there is Ladakh the perfect shorelines of Kerala or the sand ridges of Rajasthan. Subsequent to considering for a couple of days, the choice is made. I am going to visit the woods that roused Rudyard Kipling's Mowgli. Toward the part of the arrangement, set off from Delhi to investigate natural life the travel industry in India. While there are numerous choices to pick the best wilderness safari in India, I settle for a five days Tiger Trail in Madhya Pradesh.

The best Jungle Safari in India begins at Pench

At 5:30 am on a hazy morning in November, I leave for the Pench National Park in an open-jeep alongside my Naturalist, Alwyn from Jamtara Wilderness Camps. Before beginning our Jungle experiences, we are blessed to receive a hot cuppa espresso and tea alongside home-heated treats. Our naturalist reminds us to abandon all electronic gear at the hotel excepting our cameras and binoculars. The crisp breeze stings my cheeks and makes my eyes water however I am solid and steady with a few layers of winter garments, woolen top, suppressor and a high temp water jug tucked under my cover.

As we enter the recreation center, I see langurs hopping from tree to tree, feathered creatures tweeting as one, chital and sambar crowds cautiously munching in the prairie. We move along the wilderness and I smell the sweet fragrance of the moist earth at sunrise. I see the morning dew dribbling from the trees onto the rich undergrowth. Before I could catch any of those, the jeep moves and the scents and sights vanish. The quietness of the wilderness is every so often broken by Alwyn and the neighborhood park control, who exhaustiveness and enthusiastically educates us concerning the widely varied vegetation of the wilderness. They share stories of the backwoods that are a charming blend of logical certainties gathered from their preparation and the books they have perusing, and neighborhood legend from the region.

All of a sudden Alwyn hears an alert call of a langur pursued by the snorting of a deer. It is a sign that a tiger is on a lurk. A feeling of readiness holds the gathering as we drive towards the pain call. When our jeep stops, we pack onto one side of the Jeep to look outside.

Following 10 minutes, our understanding is reasonably compensated when the great feline uncovers itself to us from the thick foliage. My heart is everlastingly held by the glossy orange coat with dark stripes. Only a couple of feet away… the Royal Bengal Tiger crosses the earth street… gives us a hateful look… and evaporates again in the thick timberland. My day is made!

We at that point proceed onward to investigate the recreation center's huge assorted variety of untamed life, including Leopard, Tiger, Jungle Cat, Dhole (Wild Dog), Sloth Bear, Wild Boar, Mongoose, Gaur, Cheetal (Spotted Deer) and Sambar. When our long for Tiger satisfies, cravings for food kick in. At around 9:30 am an excursion breakfast is served in the wilderness with some hot tea or espresso. We at that point remain in the recreation center until 11 am before coming back to our base camp at Jamtara.

At night, we had an alternative to either go for the evening Safari from 3:00 pm to 6:00 pm or drench ourselves in the ancestral existences of the Jamtara town. We stroll through the town market selling a wide range of knickknacks – from silver gems to crisp vegetables. Peddlers genuinely call us as we go through the mud way with our eyes stuck on the cobs of corn, which develop richly in the region, dry in patios. Jug gourd vines climb wooden fences and tiled rooftops. We are welcomed for some steaming tea in a nearby house made up of wood and mud. As the sun sets, we come back to our camp seeing the residential dairy cattle returning home with their herders.

This was my first day of a five-day Tiger Trail in Madhya Pradesh, where Rudyard Kipling got enlivened to compose the Jungle Book. While visiting the two key national parks, Pench and Satpura, I saw an assortment of creatures and flying creatures including tigers, panthers, wild pooches, wolves, sloth bears, buffaloes, wild pigs to give some examples. Alwyn and Aly Rashid (naturalist and the proprietor of Reni Pani) continued sharing the top to bottom learning about the undulating geology and untamed life.

About the National Parks – Pench and Satpura

There are more than 1,200 types of plants in Pench and 1300 in Satpura including a few uncommon and imperiled ones. We went through a variety of vegetation extending from clammy, shielded valleys to open, dry deciduous timberland. Satpura is dissimilar to Pench, however they are only a couple of hours drive from one another. The previous is lusher and has trees greener and taller than Pench. In Pench, there are higher odds of Tiger locating, while Satpura has a lot of panthers, sloth bears, monster Malabar squirrels, and transitory winged animals. Pench is best investigated on jeep safaris, Satpura can be investigated by walking, pontoon, jeep or elephant.

Past the untamed life

Each night, we shared our accounts of creature sightings as the tidbits and beverages made the rounds around the blaze. Furthermore, every night a fortunate individual got an opportunity to rest under the stars in the Star Bed – a glitzy machan in fields at Jamtara Camps. The Star Bed experience is a wellspring of salary for neighborhood ranchers, and 80 percent of the staff are procured from encompassing towns.

Truth be told, it was here I became more acquainted with how profound established organization's history is in protection. Proprietor Amit Sankhala's granddad – Kailash Sankhala – was the person who begun Project Tiger, a preservation program in India in 1973. Furthermore, the heritage has developed as far back as then with his child Pradeep Sankhala assuming control over the charge of the Tiger Trust after his dad's passing and setting up eco-accommodating Jungle lodges. Also, presently Amit is holding the post effectively.

Nourishment is either developed nearby or sourced locally from the encompassing farmlands. Goods are produced using reused wood, every characteristic item are utilized where conceivable, and visitors are given a tempered steel bottle for sifted water.

In any case, it wasn't only the national stops and camps that intrigued me. I was astonished by the real protection and network advancement works of Jamtara Wilderness Camps and Reni Pani Jungle Lodge. In addition to the fact that they provide an extraordinary Jungle safari experience interface you with the neighborhood networks that call these remote zones home and assume a crucial job in protecting the national woods. Both Jamtara and Reni Pani resorts supply school work areas and different things to the network and assume a functioning job in Tiger preservation.

I had gone to focal India to dispose of my movement blues yet I wound up observing so much common excellence and good omens in untamed life the travel industry – on account of edified law-production, a couple of submitted people, and some genuinely great cabins.

Things being what they are, when are you heading on a Tiger Trail in Madhya Pradesh?

Travel Essentials

Where to Stay in Pench

While there is a wide range of settlement alternatives accessible in the Pench National park territory, I profoundly prescribe remaining at eco-accommodating hotel Jamtara Wilderness Camps arranged in the Village of Jamtara, close Pench National Park. There are 10 extravagance safari tents with en-suite restrooms and private verandah, open air and indoor parlors, library, valet stopping, pool and clothing. Rooms are outfitted with free sifted water, tea-and espresso making offices, boiling water bottles, cooling and Soultree shower items. There are no TVs and no WiFi or versatile sign all through this remote, eco-accommodating camp.

Where to remain in Satpura Tiger Reserve

As of late, the Satpura National Park has seen the blooming of a few boutique wilderness lodges. Among these, the Reni Pani Jungle Lodge is best in class. Situated in an immaculate backwoods common of the Satpuras, it gets its name from the neighboring innate town. Reni Pani highlights twelve extravagance bungalows enveloping three particular structural plans.

The nallah units, the backwoods units and the slope units are altogether assembled utilizing nearby/indigenous material and are portrayed by survey decks, huge relaxing narrows windows and extravagance restrooms. The 'GolGhar' or the gathering place, has an interesting and one of a kind plan and highlights an eating territory, a bar, a library and a parlor set in its different corners. Its actual woodland condition combined with neighboring patches of rural land make Reni Pani and its encompassing territories a hotbed for creatures and flying creatures.

The most effective method to arrive

The Pench National Park is all around associated via air, street and railroads

By Flight: Arrival to Nagpur, Dr Babasaheb Ambedkar International Airport (130 km away) or Jabalpur Airport (213 km away) from any significant Indian city.

By Rail: The closest railhead to Pench is Seoni Railway Station, which is around 30 km from the Pench National Park and has ordinary trains interfacing the spot to Mumbai and different spots.

By Road: Pench lies on the Nagpur-Jabalpur parkway and is effectively open by transports and cabs. Take a transport or a taxi from Seoni transport remain to the Pench National. Seoni is connected to all spots in Madhya Pradesh and Maharashtra by a decent system of Roadways. In the event that you intend to take the transport from Nagpur, you should get down at Suktara or Khwasa.

The Satpura National Park is a 3.5hr/130km drive from Bhopal. Bhopal is all around associated via air, rail and street to real Indian urban communities.

[mysoretraveltaxisblog]

Why is Wayanad the best place for a retreat?

If you love the hills and hate the monotonous lifestyle, then Wayanad can be the most beautiful and needed getaway for you. The serenity of the place will enchant and bedazzle you completely. How do I know this? From my own recent experience. My delightful trip with my husband started from Delhi and included three beautiful destinations from South India namely Bangalore, Mysore, and Wayanad. Life is uncertain already and with the arrival of Coronavirus, it became risky even to breathe. And now, as the situations are getting better, it is the best time to step out of the home and live your best life like we did. 

We are listing out the does and don’ts that we applied in our trip and made it bang on and you can follow the same steps of our journey to ensure that your trip is fun filled and effortlessly comforting. 

Bengaluru is very warm to the ones entering it. We were referred by a friend to take Mysore Bangalore Airport Taxi services offered by Mysore Travel Taxi. As soon as our flight was landed, we booked the cab and it reached us shortly. We took some rest and spent the night was spent strolling in the MG Road Market. 

The next day we took the Bangalore To Mysore Cab from Mysore Travel Taxi and enjoyed the sights that we saw within our 3 hour long trip. The lush green forests and the breeze are all one needs to break the monotony of the 9 to 5 corporate cycle of life and we are glad we did that. 

Mysore welcomed us with great spirits and picturesque beauty, which fills a lot of space in my heart and instagram currently. The One day trip from Mysore or better said in Mysore was enchanting and unforgettable. The best Cab Services in Mysore took us to every place we wanted to and our last moment changes in plans were accepted as commands politely. People usually go for One day trip from Mysore.

The night called for rest and overgrown joy for the next day when our Tour packages from Mysore will be ended and we will be headed out to Wayanad tour packages from Mysore. I had heard a lot about the beauty of the place but had no idea that it would exceed all my expectations. 

Mysore to Wayanad taxi service can cost the tourists a huge deal if they are not careful enough. However, our past experience with the drivers during the One Way Taxi From Bangalore Airport to Mysore has been more than satisfactory. We yet again made our booking with them and started to travel from Mysore to Wayanad. With this, we were leaving Karnataka and entering Kerala. As a north-Indian couple, Kerala was equally new for both of us and the trip was truly experimental. Kerala is usually referred to as God’s own Country and recognised as the cleanest state of India. Having heard a bunch of amazing things about Kerala, it was getting hard for us to keep waiting. The cabs from mysore to wayanad take nearly about three hours without any stoppage. During the whole cab ride, we rarely looked at our phone screens and for our generation, it is a dealbreaker. The soothing climate and the hills and mountains transported us somewhere else. Even before starting our trip inside Wayanad, we realised why Kerala has been declared as Paradise of the World by National Geographic. 

As we stopped in front of our hotel, we took a long deep breath that is harmful even in the polluted cities from where we come from. Serenity and Tranquility of the place made us jealous of the locals residing there and experiencing this beauty throughout the year. After hours of rest and munching lunch at the terrace of the hotel, we decided to kick away our pajamas and go for a stroll nearby. We rented two cycles and travelled a little distance with it, enjoying nature and taking a break just like two joyful kids living in adult bodies. Wayanad is known for its organic spices and honey, so, in our journey backwards to the hotel, I got us some of those. The Wayanad mysore tour package had to begin in the early morning and hence, we took a quick nap so that we could wake up early and start wandering the streets and tourist places of Wayanad. 

The destination that we were looking to reach was Wayanad from the very start, so its description will be a little longer and a little more detailed, but it is worth a read. 

Wayanad is a paradise in the paradise(Kerala) and thus, regarded as the greed paradise as well. One of the most amazing benefits of booking mysore wayanad tour packages from Mysore Travel Taxi is that they are never late and never crib about anything. 

The day started from the hotel room and ended there, but what we experienced in between was so fascinating that we cannot possibly forget it for decades to come. Basically, these were the locations that we covered during our journey.

Meenmutty Waterfalls - The waterfalls might be quite short in terms of height, but the serenity and the view it offers is too wide to fit inside the frames of your cameras. The sound of running water and the smell of nature can set anyone’s mood and we were lucky to experience such a delight of vision. We spent hours jumping from one rock to another (with proper cautions). The day was started with vim and vigor and the memory is captured in our hearts forever. Located near the Ponmuddi Hill Station, the place serves as a cute and comfortable get-away spot for people.

Tholpetty Wildlife - Being wanderers for life, there was no way that we would leave out experiencing the beauty of wildlife. One shall go for the jeep ride to look at the floras and faunas in their natural habitat. This experience is really important for people to realise that no matter how much we develop, we are a part of nature, and experiencing its authenticity so closely takes us back to our original roots and is soothing for the mind and body. Elephants, leopards, and innumerous other animals were wandering at a short distance from us. It made our hearts beat louder and faster, for sure. Coming from a corporate lifestyle, this experience was as bright as a daisy.

Pookode Lake - My husband and I are water babies and love to be around water and when we heard about Pookode Lake, there was nothing that could have stopped us from reaching there. It is so grand and beautiful that one might want to spend the whole day in a boat in the midst of the lake. Nature lovers swear by this place and only after having a boat ride in the place, we got to know why it is such a big deal for the people. Blue below(water) and blue above(sky) were enough to melt our hearts away and I am very sure that we had a little piece of our heart dropped inside the lake that no one can take back.

Edakkal Cave  -  The tallest mountain in the district, Ambukuthi mala, is located in Edakkal. If you are not afraid of heights, you shall definitely go there and reach Edakkal caves. There are historical imprints on the wall that take you centuries back, even for a few minutes. We learned from the locals that in the year 2007, historians from Indian and abroad tried to have UNESCO declare the sites as a World Heritage Centre. If you ever thought of going to the stone age where our ancestors lived, this is the place that can make you mentally transport to that era. The paintings are captivating and the trekking part to reach the caves adds more excitement to the whole trip.

Kurisumala Peak - Alert - It will consume approximately half a day. Hiking is a special adventure sport and for the wanderers like us, there could be nothing better. If you are anything like us and want to get inside the skin of the place and experience what it feels like to be close to nature, spare a whole day for hiking at Kurisumala Peak. Not only will it be amazing for your mind and heart, but after reaching the top, the clicks will make your Instagram feed a lot more aesthetic. You might be tired of all the trekking, but in the end, the view is worth it all. As they say, life is counted in experiences and memories, not days, we had our life in front of us, creating the best memories and experiences that we are delighted to share and will keep on sharing. 

Kalladi Forest - Kalladi is a tiny village in Wayanad that you can reach by mysore to Wayanad cab that can be booked for taking you to a trip. The misty fog on the top of the hills like two lovers are kissing one another. Nature shows its beauty in numerous ways and this is one of the most unique ones that we have witnessed till now. A nature walk for minutes or hours can offer you calm that you will feel has been missing from inside you for a very long time. While having a walk in the forest, we actually forgot what time of day it was. Something so beautiful was happening to us that we could not care any less about the world outside this majestic place. 

Thirunelli Temple - In a very short distance from Wayanad is the Thirunelli Temple dedicated to Lord Vishnu on Brahmagiri Hills. It is said that it was originally built by Lord Brahma.  The locals described that it is the only hindu temple where one can perform every ritual starting from birth, death, and even life after death. We paid our tributes to the temple and prayed for things, and this time they were not material. People told us that experiencing sunrise from the temple is an enthralling sight to behold. One can see a huge number of visitors coming from different parts of the world even on weekdays. If you are religious and visiting the temple, do not forget to pay your tribute to the holy rock for your forefathers. 

Banasura Sagar Dam - We can proudly say that India’s largest and Asia’s second-largest dam is in Wayanad and we got to explore it during our trip. It was beautiful and dreamy and captured our attention for hours. A lazy boat ride and trekking at the location can add a sense of excitement and wilderness to the tourists. As much as we loved looking at it, we loved taking the boat in it too. The spots of Wayanad did not stop to astonish us throughout our trip and it was one such place that took our breath away for a while. 

Tree House Stay - People like us who have been addicted to living inside the fully air-conditioned spaces cannot probably wonder how it will be like to live inside a Tree House. We are happy that we got to take away the memory of staying inside a beautiful Tree House. The views from the tree house were mesmerizing and even thinking about the experience we had makes us giggle and smile. If you are in Wayanad, this is one thing you cannot afford to miss. 

Our trip came to an end and with a heavy heart that wanted to stay, we packed our bags. We took the cab back from Wayanad to Mysore, and from there, another One Way Taxi From Mysore To Bangalore Airport. We had our tickets already booked from Bangalore to Delhi, the place of our birth and work, but as it is said for Lord Krishna, that he had two mothers - Yashoda and Devki. Similarly, we had another home now, miles away from Delhi, somewhere in the laps of nature in Kerala. 

[classyfoxdestiny]

Military equipment to WTO push – How US aided China’s extraordinary rise

Military equipment to WTO push – How US aided China’s extraordinary rise

File photo | Mao Tse Tung, shakes hands with Henry Kissinger, while Gerald R. Ford, Susan Ford watch, 2 December 1975, Peking | US National Archives

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The US opening to China in the summer of 1971, heralded by Henry Kissinger’s secret trip to Beijing in July 1971, has been romanticized and celebrated in American and Western annals. In India, the trip was vilified and demonized. With time, the triumphalism associated with it in the US and elsewhere has meliorated and the opprobrium attached to it in India has softened. Fifty years on, how shall we assess it? China opening played a role in the ending of the Cold War, though the Soviet Union played the decisive part in its own destruction. The normalization of US-China relations also played a role in China’s rise. However, Kissinger was hardly the main architect. Much of the credit on the US side should go to the presidents that succeeded Richard Nixon and the National Security Advisors (NSAs) that followed in Kissinger’s wake. The US sowed the seeds of China’s rise for forty years, and now it and others must deal with Chinese power as never before.

Having said that, the next century will not be a Chinese century. The future will be bipolar, with three bipolar possibilities—the most likely being one that Kissinger would have been familiar with, namely, regulated competition. As for India, it missed the signs of the sudden rapprochement in 1971. It must be attentive to the signs of the US once again possibly changing course with China. It is good to remember that the US has long had a fascination with China. Even in these times of Sino–US conflict, the American interest in, knowledge of, and linkages to China are far greater than with India.

Also read: Biden’s US is done engaging with China. This is what India should do now

Kissinger and the opening to China 

Henry Kissinger is credited with the opening to China in 1971, but it would be more accurate to say that he was ‘associated’ with it. America’s decision to normalize relations with China was already in process before Kissinger became Richard Nixon’s National Security Advisor: the thought of a strategic opening to China can clearly be traced to the Kennedy and Johnson administrations in the period 1961 to 1965. In any case, it was Nixon more than Kissinger who conceptualized the move. And it was President Jimmy Carter and his NSA, Zbigniew Brzezinski, and then President Ronald Reagan and his team who laid the foundations for the lips-and-teeth relationship that was to develop for the rest of the Cold War. Kissinger’s informal advice to US presidents and Chinese leaders, his voluminous writings and his consultancy work may have done more for US–China relations than his policy interventions in office.

As early as 1963, the US was already working on a degree of normalization with China. Washington was aware of the Sino–Soviet rift of the late 1950s and sensed an opportunity. In 1961, when he took office, President John Kennedy wanted to move beyond the diplomatic stalemate with China under his predecessor, Dwight Eisenhower, but given the narrowness of his victory in the presidential elections, he held off. Even so, a policy review was quietly begun. The slow churn on China might have led to some ‘breakthrough’ initiatives in December 1963. With Kennedy’s assassination in November those moves petered out. Nevertheless, in December 1963, Assistant Secretary of State for Far Eastern Affairs Roger Hilsman gave a speech where, in Joanne Chang’s words, he ‘urged Americans to take a realistic view of the PRC, asserting that the Communist regime was here to stay and recognizing the possibility that the PRC would evolve into a more moderate state’.

Kennedy’s death slowed down but did not altogether stop the winds of change. By 1965, President Johnson was already easing the travel ban and the restrictions on Chinese journalists—if this had little effect, it was because Beijing was not ready for an opening. Indeed, under Johnson, relations worsened due to the full-blown US military intervention in Vietnam. The anti-war protests at home doomed Johnson’s re-election hopes, and in November 1968, Nixon, defeated by Kennedy in 1960, won the presidency. As early as October 1967, he had penned an article in the US journal, Foreign Affairs. Titled ‘Asia After Viet Nam’, it argued for the necessity of engaging China. Nixon’s clinching argument was that ‘Any American policy toward Asia must come urgently to grips with the reality of China … Taking the long view, we simply cannot afford to leave China forever outside the family of nations, there to nurture its fantasies, cherish its hates and threaten its neighbors.’

Between March and September 1969, China and the Soviet Union fought a series of battles along the Ussuri River over their unsettled border claims. The fighting started after the People’s Liberation Army (PLA) ambushed Soviet forces. The emerging strategic convergence between the US and China may well have emboldened Beijing to precipitate matters with Moscow. In the event, the Soviets, rather shaken by the Chinese attack, were stirred to contemplate radical action including a possible joint nuclear attack with the US on Chinese nuclear forces. The US refused. China meanwhile decided that it needed a tacit alliance with the US. A complex process of signalling between the two sides ensued.

Looking back on it, quite a bit of the process leading up to Kissinger’s trip in July 1971 was jejune if not comical. A Chinese media account describes some of the communication that went on in 1970. First, Chinese leader Mao Zedong invited American journalist and writer Edgar Snow to stand on top of the Tiananmen gate to watch the National Day celebrations, a privilege never granted to a foreigner before. Then, President Nixon announced rather mawkishly during an interview with Time magazine, that ‘If there is anything I want to do before I die, it is to go to China. If I don’t, I want my children to.’ This was followed by the comedy of the US table tennis team meeting their Chinese counterparts in a tournament in Japan and asking to be invited to a subsequent tournament in China. The request was turned down until an American and Chinese player descended together from the Chinese team bus grinning in front of reporters. When Mao saw the picture of the two players, he ordered the Chinese team to accept the American request. The US team finally played in China in April 1971, and no less than Zhou hosted a reception for them. The Chinese also ensured that some of their players lost to the outgunned Americans—mocking their rivals and befriending them at the same time!

These and other—more serious—signals led up to Kissinger’s incognito trip to Beijing, with its near-farcical elements. The trip was hilariously codenamed ‘Marco Polo’. Before he went to the airport, Kissinger suddenly feigned heat sickness and was taken to Pakistani President Yahya Khan’s retreat outside Islamabad to ‘recover’. Later, he was to go to the airport with his face covered in a scarf and sunglasses. There is a hint of Peter Sellers’ farcical Inspector Clouseau from the Pink Panther movies here— secrecy that was hardly warranted and a disguise that would not have fooled anyone who was even vaguely familiar with the Kissinger visage.

The convulsive laughter in Beijing must have been a sight to see. Here were hard-boiled revolutionaries, who had fought and survived a cruel civil war and a war against Japan, being asked to play amateur cloak- and-dagger with the naïfs, Nixon and Kissinger. Is it any wonder that the meetings with Kissinger were marked by a touch of condescension on the part of Mao and Zhou? While Nixon and Kissinger were full of vanity and desperate to leave their mark in history, Mao and Zhou were comfortable in their own skins and had already taken their places in history. The meetings were not of equals: the Americans kowtowed, and the Chinese knew it. Kissinger seems to have been overawed and so desperate to make the opening that he exceeded his brief. For instance, according to John Pomfret, ‘He [Kissinger] assured Zhou that whether or not China pursued peaceful unification with Taiwan, “We [the US] will continue in the direction which I indicated”—which meant that the US would withdraw recognition of Taiwan and establish ties with China.’

Nixon and Kissinger certainly made the breakthrough—and more— with Beijing that the Kennedy administration had hoped to curate. Yet, the roots of the China opening go back to the assassinated president and his team. Neither Nixon nor Kissinger were ever generous with their praise of others. With the benefit of hindsight, we can see that too much credit has been given to Nixon–Kissinger and particularly to Kissinger, given that Nixon had conceptualized the opening as early as 1967.

Also read: Don’t burden Delhi-Washington ties with Afghanistan, or issues like democracy under Modi

The world after the Kissinger visit 

The choreography around Kissinger’s trip may have been ludicrous, but the purpose was serious as were the consequences. It was correct to bring China out of the cold and into international order: one billion people had to be recognized and integrated. The alliance against the Soviets was less understandable. If Washington and Beijing had read US diplomat George Kennan’s ‘Sources of Soviet Conduct’ more carefully or taken more seriously the young Russian dissident Andre Amalrik’s Will the Soviet Union Survive Until 1984? (published in 1970), they would have seen that they were confronting an increasingly hollow empire that was not far from self-destruction. Or perhaps the Chinese knew the extent of Soviet infirmities but played on the credulity and greed of the Americans to further their own project—which was more about accessing US investment/technology than it was about forging a common front against Moscow. After all, Beijing could have hardly failed to notice that only those countries that befriended the US and accessed its capital and knowhow achieved rapid, sustained economic growth: that was the story of East Asia from the 1950s onwards.

More than Nixon and Kissinger, it was Carter/Brzezinski, then Reagan/ George W. Bush Sr., and finally Bill Clinton that helped China on its extraordinary economic journey from 1979 to the present—which is why the Chinese accusation that the Americans have always tried to contain China’s rise is so laughably absurd. Beyond economic partners, the US and China became strategic partners. When the Soviets sent in their forces to save the Babrak Karmal government in Afghanistan in December 1979, the US and China with Pakistan deployed Islamic radicals to wear down the Red Army. Over the next decade, the US released high technology and weaponry to China to bolster the quasi-alliance. It granted most-favoured-nation (MFN) status to China, relaxed Cold War rules so that the US and its allies could sell advanced technology to Beijing, provided credits so that the Chinese could import US technology and approved World Bank loans.

The US also helped modernize China’s military equipment. Chinese students and tourists in the US and Americans visiting (and sometimes studying) in China grew dramatically. When Warren Christopher, Clinton’s secretary of state, rather timorously tried to raise the issue of human rights, Premier Li Peng, ‘the Butcher of Beijing’ (so named for his role during the Tiananmen Square protests), responded aggressively and cancelled the American diplomat’s meeting with Jiang Zemin, general secretary of the communist party. Predictably, China gave no ground, and yet in 2001 the Clinton administration went ahead to endorse China’s membership in the WTO. And the rest, as they say, is history—the history of China’s astonishing rise.

This excerpt from A New Cold War: Henry Kissinger and the Rise of China, Edited by Sanjaya Baru and Rahul Sharma, has been published with permission HarperCollins India. 

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[raysofrestlesssunflower]

India Days 36 and 37

Numb and desolate, I mill about the check-in counters on the arrival side of Terminal 2 at Delhi Airport.  Just as when I first arrived, there is a general nonchalance and apathy in the officials on duty.  I have begged five people before an airline official finally pities me enough to sign me into the airport wifi with her cell phone number.  I whatsapp call Samara who advises me to fly back to Goa.  I tell her that this is financially impossible.  The lump that wells up in my throat at hearing her voice is almost impossible to speak past.  I tell her that I’ll board a 24-hour train back to Goa.  It’s the only thing I can afford.  

Before I leave, I get bestie on the phone.  It’s the wee hours of the morning in Seoul, but she has sat up to see if I get on the plane.  Through the bowling ball in my throat, I rattle off a barrage of apologies - she has already her ticket from Korea to Cambodia, and now I’m just not going to show up.  It was my carelessness that caused this.  She won’t hear it.  As brusquely practical as always, she tells me to get off my ass and stop worrying about her.  She will still do Cambodia on her own, she says; priority is that I get back to Goa.  She’s uncomfortable, however, with me seeking out a train/bus in Delhi at this hour.  But I won’t hear it.

It’s out of the air-conditioned interior to the muggy Delhi evening.  I switch to autopilot as I cross to the metro and seek out my luggage at the left luggage services.  I pay for a metro token and board the train into Delhi.  The ride is cool, pristine, stare-free - the calm before the storm.  The last stop is Delhi as  fuck - Delhi Train Station.  No more trolleys, no more air-conditioning, all of the staring in the land. Within seconds of arriving, there is a monsoon of sweat bursting from my pores.  I can feel the skin on my shoulders borderline ripping where the straps of my bag are weighing down on it.  Huge, unforgiving eyes bulge from sweaty, intimidating faces as I weave through the oceans and oceans of passengers waiting and queuing and sleeping.  Internally, I am screaming - this cannot be happening AGAIN, ALONE.  I give myself an internal shake; I’m all I’ve got.  A breakdown in a city as populous and apathetic as Delhi, and I will disappear without a trace.

Shrouding trembling knees behind a break-neck walking pace, I head to the ticket counters, and endure an excruciating 45minutes to the front of the cue.  I am oggled by the snores of people like a wounded impala by vultures.  Arms akimbo, shifting closer to me to do so, the men lurk - occasionally pausing to mop their glistening foreheads with their arms.  The sweat drips from my fingertips as I wipe my own face.  I’m wading in my own sweat - or is it tears at this point? 

On finally reaching the front of the cue, a hard-faced man waves me away.  Wrong counter.  Of course, the wrong fucking counter.  I am pointed in a vague direction, and end up at another counter where I am informed that there is neither a train to Goa today nor tomorrow.  A bus, I’m informed with a sardonic laugh, will take up to a week.

“Take a plane,” says an English-speaker passerby.  A plane.  I mentally scramble for a few minutes, before remembering that I had sent $100 via PayPal to bestie only days earlier so she could bring me dollars in Cambodia - (YEP, still don’t have access to my bank card).  It’s back to the metro, and to the Delhi Airport.  A non-English-speaking but extremely helpful passerby allows me to make a whatsapp call of almost 45 minutes to bestie, wrenching her out of bed at 3am in the morning.  She books me a ticket from Delhi to Goa, and adds a huge chunk of her own money in order to make the reservation.  Last minute ticket - last minute price hikes.  

The flight is only at 10am the next morning.  I collapse from physical and emotional exhaustion on the airport bench, and await my flight.  I’m beginning to really hate planes.

***************************************************************************************************

Samara is tattooing Mel when I walk into Mel and Martha’s apartment back in Goa.  I am received with big smiles and warm embraces.  They are happy to see me.  I just want to be alone.  It is difficult to put into words how utterly, soul-destroyingly crushed I am.  The depression has taken up residence in me now.  I want to isolate.  I curl up and await the shadows.  I know I still have reasons to be grateful.  I still have a little under two weeks in India.  Although my travel with Samara is over (she will travel with Sean now), Mel and Martha have agreed to host me for the next three nights, and after that I can head back up to Rajasthan, a region I am a hundred times more enamoured with than Goa.  But I am sad.  So very sad.  And I’m allowed to be. 

***************************************************************************************************

Two days later, I am almost manic with excitement, I’m sitting in Kuala Lumpur airport bound for Cambodia.  At this point, half of my ass in debt.  But I’m heading to Cambodia.  Without articulating all of the details, I have an amazing best friend who will move mountains for me, and a beautiful blonde-haired blue-eyed boy in Phnom Penh took a shine me enough to  make sure I made it to meet him Cambodia.  

I am nerve-wracked.  In the back of my mind, the alarms haven’t stopped once.  My inner pendulum has swung from depression to near-manic euphoria in under 48-hours.  “Yay, instant gratification = happiness.  Yay, bestie did the thing for me in 1 hour flat.  Yay, sexy hippie boy working his magic to get me in as soon as I threw a tantrum = self-worth.”  Tell-tale signs of an impending depressive relapse are blaring everywhere, but I block them out.  I’m going to Cambodia.  I am going to meet my best friend.  The Universe conspired in my favour.  This is a spiritual thing; not a mental health thing.  Right?...  Right.  Okay, let’s go.

It’s go time.  Every check-in counter, every immigration desk, and I shit myself.  But as though the Universe is conspiring in my favour, I am allowed through this time around without any qualms.  Final stop: Cambodia.  With sweaty palms, I clasp my boarding pass and waiting for the boarding call.  My lips move open and shut constantly, saying prayers, begging to get through this time.  I must make it through.  

[itsladyinrosegold]

//'I hate You, I love you I hate that I love you Don't want to, but I can't put Nobody else above you'---- Currently listening to this song ft. Olivia o'brien on loop and guess the lyrics have stuck in my head bad. Does it happen to you too, when a song actually grows on you and you just cant get enough till you hear it to death for days at a stretch. Gawd, this sort of rhymed too! Would love to know that one song that you have been obsessed with lately ! Tap for fashion ! Photo @delighted_snaps_ - - - #musiconloop #music #songonrepeat #ihateyou #iloveyou #oliviaobrien #song #currentlyhearing #songonloop #influencer #currentmood (at Radisson Blu Plaza Delhi Airport) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7Yzus_AFFn/?igshid=1v32zlgi7mplu

[kateemmerson]

CHAI CHATS: Insights from India Yoga Teachers Training

A new ritual has developed between my soul sister and me. Once family by paper, we are now family by heart … but with our busy lives and my location free living for the past few years, our connection was often relegated to shorthand Whatsapp messages, a gulped cup of coffee when our paths crossed in CT or JHB, or if lucky, a more extended lunch every now and then. Speaking on the phone never quite cuts it, you know? So in 2018, we decided, in our 50’s, to carve out a new annual ritual of dedicated time together.

Even when we attended our first Yoga Spirit Fest (um, to be honest, it was more of a dance fest just no booze or meat), we were already calling it annual!

Precious time for the two of us to connect – lingering conversations over cups of chai tea and coffee, no rush to cover big headlines only, time to slow down and be with each other. All relationships and friendships need this to feed each other. My recent lifestyle in the past few years have felt like a conundrum – loving the gallivanting and adventures but also skating on the surface of many things in my personal quest to live location free. Some of the insights from our conversations that unfolded in between yoga in 2018 have since transpired and come to fruition in my life. New steps were taken, new business decisions put into action and deeper emotions processed. That’s the unbelievable power when someone who cares, just sits and listens without judgment. Simply lets your words land on their heart. Most times, I can find the solution or feel the next step emerging, just in the speaking and the hearing of it land softly. Do you have that person in your life?

Travel takes an inordinate amount of time and energy for me now. I am never in one place long enough to settle into a routine and BE, to immerse or to rest. Some things have definitely suffered –like knowing that I am not always truly present and patient as a partner or friend when truly needed. Also my lack of deeper connection into a community other than fleetingly popping in before waving goodbye again; or never knowing where my next hair cut might turn out (come on gals, you know the stress of that one right?), The lonely downside of gallivanting globally and another plane to catch. Sounds glamorous when I say I live #locationfree, but it is honestly taking its toll where it really counts.

What if what I really want is the thing that is eluding me? How do I make sure I take the right steps to fulfillment and a way forward that is aligned, and not just skip on to the next place that beckons my gypsy soul?

For our annual connection time, “let’s go to India” we said. Soul Sister has been there many times, but this was a bit different for us, my virgin trip. Our ritual for 2019 was to be a Yoga Teachers Training in Rishikesh, even though neither of us is necessarily rushing out to become a full-on teacher, we wanted a deep IMMERSION and better yoga instruction, more than a pampering retreat experience. “Let’s be bold,” we said, “Let’s aim high,” we said. “Dive right in.” Deeply unprepared, just saying yes and showing up, not really knowing what was in store for us as most of the girls and guys were less than half our age. 8 hours of instruction every day in 33-degree humidity. I sweated half my body away. (darn ….I wish)

Here are some personal insights from 7 short nights in Rishikesh, India…

Get Up and Get Out On our very first morning, we both jolted naturally awake at 6 am, like little kids on Divali. Knowing we only started our training at ten am on the first day, we could not resist the pull of the mighty River Ganga a few u-bends below us. The most revered, sacred river in India was just at the bottom of our hill. Flowing like a river in flood, even though the monsoon season is over, this immense gushing river speeds past mountains and villages spreading hope, purification and faith to all. Albeit highly polluted to a western brain, it is the pure liquid that is celebrated in full by everyone. Everything centers around it – and the energy from it was honestly joyous and mesmerizing!

We just pulled on clothes, started walking down the hill, jumped in a tuk-tuk, instinctively negotiated the price to a local rate, and followed our nose down the hill. A few kilometers later we realized we were heading away from the bridge we wanted to walk across, so we just jumped out and started walking back, in the morning cacophony of the streets.

In a country where folk are so compassionate and treat each other with the utmost respect, I felt unbelievably safe. Walking with my bag and camera and not one iota of fear or threat. Just huge smiles were greeting us at every turn – and a few amused looks at my mop of silver hair. All Indian women (unless about 80) have thick black, coconut smelling hair. Even the older men dye their silver hair all sorts of colors. Oh well, best I own my silver dowry proudly as it was fun being asked to have my picture taken with locals.

Before most people on our course were even awake, we had already experienced the colorful context of the sacred Mama Ganga in Rishikesh and where we were spending the week. Do you just get up and out and are you brave and bold when you travel, or shrink away from the experience?

  Witness the Synchronicities While mindfulness is becoming the trendy buzz in the western world, the East just LIVES within this philosophy. It’s in the water, the rivers, the food, the air. Nothing to think about – it just seeps out every pore of the locals. It’s why I have always been drawn to it, I guess. But for Westerners, we often have to force ourselves to be wide-awake, mindful, and in gratitude mode to see what’s unfolding in the magic of each moment.

From screeching with laughter at magically appearing bananas in airports, to a profound 45-second sighting of the Dalai Lama floating past us in Delhi domestic airport, to a loved Ashram literally just down the road from our yoga school, to closed doors being unlocked and opened for us in sacred spaces, To caves of profound silence, to intense conversations from all the teachers we experienced that just kept saying the right thing at the right time for me (offering several objective teachings for me personally) ….we just kept noticing and laughing at all the love and life that showed up for us.

Do you witness all the little wonders of synchronicity in life that show up in each moment? Sometimes you just have to lift your eyes and look, deeply look, with soft eyes. Soft eyes will laugh! Soft bellies will laugh. We shouldn’t have a six-pack, just one pack that knows how to live, love, and laugh!

  Take it as it Comes You either love it, or you hate it – there is just NO grey in India

India is honestly hot, smelly, chaotic, dirty, and everything else in between. Loud, colorful, generous, poor and sacred. You can either embrace it all, inhale deeply and let it seep into your bones for the full experience, or you can be precious and tiptoe through your time there and hate every minute. And you can never know that until you go! Reading about a place, dreaming about a place, making plans to visit a place, watching movies about a place do not do anything to replace BEING in a place. No short cuts – not even with high definition movies or virtual reality. The power is in the experience of it. Always. We attempt to pre-empt too much with our western brains.

India will likely push your buttons – it pushed mine. But I chose to sink into the experience and surrender. The true art of letting go right? The very darn thing I teach with my de-cluttering and concept of #livelightlivelarge. We cannot control everything in life, but I can do my best to control how much I squirm or delight in response to life and just be ok with it all. That’s within my realm of control. Living in our little haven of Swiss Cottage above Rishikesh was humid, hard, loud and dirty – yet utterly delightful, sacred and filled with unbounded love and respect for life, each other and yoga. 33-degree rooms have no aircon – we’ll still breathe, and I love Bikram, right?

No shoe policy indoors means kinda dirty feet all the time. Who cares. I and my grubby clothes literally smelled all week, no matter what I tried. You know it’s bad when you catch a whiff of yourself! Banknotes than probably have ten diseases present – well bless the money and just pass it on. Weak instant coffee for my daily fix was like gold – until I see a gleaming coffee machine on day 5! The delight in my eyes lit up the whole village! Bikes, cars, tuk-tuks, buses, cows, monkeys, dogs and people all one trail – just keep your wits about you!

Can you honestly allow yourself to immerse fully? If not, then perhaps regroup and get the heck out!

  Impact of gratitude Gratitude in India appears a different concept – they see everything they do as an act of service, of love, of serving their faith. With no expectation other than to serve and help. No gratitude needed. I have so much to learn here – I am far more Westernised in my thinking of in and out, give and receive, thank you and showing appreciation. Maybe I need to surrender into service more, to do for the joy of doing, give for the joy of giving. The selflessness oozes out of their pores and shows me up to me!

Our yoga philosophy teacher says when a family makes chapattis, they offer up the first three: one to the gods, one to the cows and one to nature. If very poor, they will split one into three to give the first “three” away, and only then feed the family. Sacred ritual. So often when we as westerners show our thanks by “tipping,” we feel we have helped the other person. But actually, they have allowed us to serve and help them. We are the lucky ones in being able to give, not them for receiving!

This is such a personal test for me – when I saw the look on our teachers’ faces when gifting them something for the week– not even knowing what was in the envelope money wise- it was humbling to see the honest gratitude of being appreciated when no expectation is present. It’s filled with pure love.  No airs and graces, zero expectation. I witnessed such a transition of the ego into the spirit. What we all aim for, right?

These are powerful, dedicated teachers who devote their lives to healing and teaching – and within them runs a deep humbleness that was profound to witness. A small thank you brings so much joy mostly I feel because they see the joy in our giving too. The cycle of life?

So the question I ask is am I honestly being grateful for everything I have and can I do more in service, without expectation of return, or is the western way of always wanting ‘more’ detrimental to inner peace? Seeking more love, more fun, more attention, more sharing. More peace. What about acceptance of what is?  I need to understand the balance of giving with no need for anything in return and balance that with seeking and living with joy and passion. Going where energy flows and spirit is free. I’m finding this is my lesson at the moment.

What’s your current lesson in life?

The amount of money, number of houses, or jewels on our fingers does not a happier, more peaceful person make. That comes from within. I have really attempted to be more satisfied with less, to be living without a home, without too many possessions and needing less generally. Living mostly from a suitcase in the last 3.5 years, ever moving, ever restless, ever traveling, I have been trying my best to tread lightly as I go. Leaving somewhere a little better than when I arrived.

But I still seek lots of experiences in the world. Always wanting more, India taught me about being grateful for every little thing that IS, not what could be. Who can you give to today, who can you be thankful for, who can you acknowledge – whether by saying something or offering a token of your thanks? It’s all about the smile – make people smile and let yourself laugh from your belly!

  Different Teachers, Different Strengths Everyone I came across had something to teach, prod, nudge, or remind me about. There was no getting out of it when 8 hours of every day were immersed in some aspect of the training. The power of ego and how it shows up, the power of purification in the morning even when I was apprehensive of the neti pot, the anticipation of a hard class that landed up being delightful, the blessing of hearing that looking after your own passion and walking away when something doesn’t bring you deep joy, is ok. Truly ok. Everything is perfect just as it is, and you must follow your heart and try to do no harm in the process.

And often it was about how to find the JUICINESS in your hamstrings! Can you imagine – juicy hamstrings? My legs just light up at the thought of being juicy. Learning how going back the most basics of basic yoga positions is often harder than doing the complicated asanas. But all spoke the same thread – it’s all about preparation and purification for meditating, in order to reach enlightenment and compassion. Simple.

My overall take away is that everything and everyone counts – each and every perspective make up the matrix of the whole, and we have to choose what we need at each step along the way. I was left with the conundrum of understanding and knowing in my soul where I am, juxtaposed with how to remain patient, kind and trusting that we each have to walk our own journey. My eternal dilemma in life.

I also remember that we don’t have to be all things to all people – we each resonated and gelled with different teachers during the week. Just like we resonate with different people in our line of work – yet often we take it so personally if we feel like we aren’t reaching enough people, or getting enough business. I am in charge of MY life, and if I can help you change yours because we resonate, fantastic. If not, there is someone better to support your journey professionally.

Do you live your life with this knowing – that the right people will find their way to you and vice versa?

How can I have such tolerance in some areas and zero in others? I realized with a revolting jolt that I can feel 200% patience with strangers, and yet complete intolerance for my near and dear. No matter how many times people might tell me that I am impatient, and too fast, I still have to internalise the lesson. What’s that about, hey? I think that when any of us humans are feeling un-appreciated, un-seen, and un-loved, every part of our small-minded pettiness, aka the ego, comes up for grabs. Well, mine does! As impatience and intolerance. Mostly for myself, then for others. So my more in-depth attempt is to find a way to be more graceful and a little less ego-driven. Yikes, that’s a blooming tough one! My personal double-edged sword!

How often in life that my / your energy, action, and kickass-ness translates in the very next breath to impatience, intolerance, and judgment, for myself and those closest to me. Knowing how to walk that fine line takes wisdom. The whole week in India, all I felt from our teachers was grace, patience, and compassion. What a joy to behold, and I realize how much I have to learn from their presence in my life.

India was a transitional gift to my soul, and a time where CHAI CHATS with Nats are forever etched in my heart.

I simply have taken the next step on my journey, trusting I am truly where I need to be, no matter what. Because there is simultaneously also deep joy – the essence of both that life requires!

I trust in the bigger picture that …

…if something is meant to be, nothing can stop it, and if something is not meant to be, nothing can make it so.

Namaste

CHAI CHATS: Insights from India Yoga Teachers Training was originally published on Kate Emmerson - The Quick Shift Deva