#I HAD THIS SITTING IN MY DRAFTS SINCE 2021

[paponela]

consider this: freezerburn x-files au

[batsplat]

"I must say that it is very difficult to have good relations when you fight for the same thing, as I fought with Sete. The trigger was what happened in Qatar in 2004. What happened in Qatar 2004.. I saw it as something dirty that I didn't expect neither from Sete, nor from Juan Martinez, who was his technical manager and who had worked with me for a long time. I felt betrayed because it was as if I was being played. Sete was a great rival and when you fight like that it's a bit like Michael Jordan says, it's something personal. With Sete what happened in Qatar made me very angry and it helped me to give my best until the end of that season and for the next one. If I had to give Sete some advice... it's better if he hadn't done it." here's the bit from route46.. i find it interesting he puts blame on juan martinez too!

(following on from this post, and will liberally include chunks I wrote in the sete post) right there's a lot to unpack here, but first of all. I haven't gotten around to watching the whole documentary yet, but I did quickly jump around to find the sete bit the quote is from and... and there is something I absolutely have to address first. because. uh. they actually interview juan martinez - sete's crew chief himself - about the whole qatar incident... and, well. he says the following (rough translation):

At no time did either Sete or I go ask for a sanction for Valentino: we went to ask for greater security for everyone. Once we go to HRC and passed on the knowledge, that we have found a Valentino technician on the track, thus modifying the state of the track, Honda decides that moment what really needs to be done is a complaint.

hold on. just one second. I did suspect there had to be something incredibly stupid at the heart of the whole thing. something that could reconcile all the contradictory information out there, help explain how everyone could feel so confident in their contradictory views. because the whole thing should have a relatively straightforward answer, right: either sete played tattletale or he didn't. and... I mean. okay, look. I'm not saying I'm with valentino on this one but... they did snitch! objectively martinez is admitting they snitched! it happened! either this was a moment of staggering naivety because what did you think hrc was going to do with this information?? or valentino was spot on and they passed on that information knowing that it was at least a possibility valentino was going to get a penalty as a result of their actions. surely it is possible to appeal to hrc on safety grounds without bringing up you saw valentino's technician on the track, who was at the time quite possibly acting quite suspiciously under the cover of night! why are you even going to hrc about this in the first place!

you do not have to be that paranoid a soul to maybe doubt whether they had the best of intentions here, no? what this would also help clear up is sete's response at sepang when asked to deny his involvement, which. I did find it an odd response! you kind of want to give the benefit of the doubt with these things, given sete's longstanding and genuine preoccupation with safety in the sport. that being said, rather than just firmly deny he was involved, he went on this long spiel about how he would've thought it'd be better for everyone to get their grid spots cleaned - and the crux of his argument amounted to how he'd be a hypocrite if he called for valentino to be sanctioned after that. which, why are you even focused so much on this - just say no, you weren't involved! look, it was better to err on the side of caution and maybe simply assume sete isn't the most skilled operator in denying allegations of gamesmanship. but this extra detail would make sete's response in that sepang presser read a little differently:

yeah, sure, I mean, if we're going to be generous here and say sete and his crew chief just innocently mentioned to hrc that valentino's technician was rubbering up his grid slot for 'safety reasons'... then nothing sete says here is technically a lie. he didn't "complain" and it was hrc who made the protest. but. but! it does feel like if sete and his crew chief really were the ones to alert hrc to what valentino's team had done... if what martinez says is actually correct, this whole incident does still read pretty differently! you know how sete says "they" had blocked him from cleaning the grid? it feels like a pretty reasonable assumption that the "they" in question refers to hrc. if hrc blocked sete from rubbering his own grid and he then went to tell them about what valentino had done, did he really expect honda to go 'oh that's all right then, I suppose we'd better rubber up your grid slot too'? seriously? (incidentally, do we think the mechanic who gave evidence was martinez himself)

juan martinez does also go on to say this:

What he does in the end or what he has always done, that's what he does, is turn his story into his truth, which gives him his motivation and that's it. It doesn't mean that it's the truth, it means it's Valentino's truth. The fact that it is his truth or that it is my truth about some things does not mean that it is the truth. When you are fighting for something in sports, there is a moment that you lose sight of the complete picture.

which, yes, this isn't terrible as insight into valentino's character, and mayhaps we can return to this at a later date. but, also, can I just say, if you go! to hrc! to tell them the man they hate! who you are engaged in a tight championship fight with! which has only FOUR ROUNDS TO GO! has maybe had his team do something a little sketchy! and then hrc ensures he gets a penalty for it! come on. specifically after you've been blocked from doing the same thing? could you really not have expected that hrc would go on to file a complaint with race direction? seriously?

incidentally, valentino did already pin the blame on martinez at the time:

well, you can still give sete the benefit of the doubt here I suppose, if you so choose. still, is valentino really just 'telling a story here and turning it into his truth'? the generous interpretation of what happened here is that sete accidentally helped cause a back of the grid penalty, and that's the generous interpretation! hey, maybe martinez is getting his story wrong, maybe he's lying, you never know. but let's just say for a moment that this is the truth... let's just that martinez and sete really did pass on this information with innocent intentions in the name of safety. would this not still make sete's rhetoric after the event a teensy bit disingenuous? it's one thing to say 'yeah this was a misunderstanding, hrc was out for you and we accidentally helped provide the material they needed to bag you a penalty'... it's quite another to say valentino fabricated this whole thing out of thin air, like you had absolutely zero involvement in the whole thing. was this really a feud valentino just invented out of nowhere?

anyway, enough motogp-flavoured true crime investigation... and listen, I do want to reiterate what I said here:

let's be clear here - even if sete did have some involvement in the penalty, obviously valentino's response to the whole thing is still a bit bonkers. like, it's definitely petty behaviour from honda. given the whole 'using a scooter to rubber up the track' does seem like it was at the very least a bit of a grey area in the rules, hrc getting valentino penalised for it is... well, it's all pretty undignified from everyone involved. that being said, valentino did vow to destroy sete and spent the next one and a half seasons tormenting him. some people would consider that a little bit of an overreaction, even if the whole thing wasn't based wholesale on delusion. at the end of the day, he did still do all that stuff

so, anyway, let's get into it! going to go all in here and tackle this shit line by line:

"I must say that it is very difficult to have good relations when you fight for the same thing, as I fought with Sete."

right, so this is obviously a commentary on his natural understanding of how rivalries work... how he believed his relationship with sete was destined to change as a result of how, starting in 2003, they were directly competing. this gels with the limited mentions we get in his autobiography of sete in 2003, which were coloured by how he believed sete had already been praying on his downfall before their actual friendship break up (here and here):

what valentino is saying here is basically a slightly more concise version of what I put in the sete post:

and, yeah, this is a natural element of competition - it's generally accepted that maintaining friendships at the sharp end of professional sports with your competitors is either extremely difficult or straight up impossible. (like marc put it in august 2015: "it's true that before the relationship was different, but because we were not fighting for the championship. it's not the relationship like a friend".) obviously there's still a fairly significant difference between 'friendship' and 'good relations' (and 'actively feuding'). but valentino is acknowledging it is just kinda part of the game... something he's willing to exploit if need be (see here for speculations on how the sete feud changed valentino's approach to rivalries in general). it was always going to be tough for that relationship not to go downhill, and valentino accepted as much. he was also clearly a lot more ready for it to come to that than sete was

"The trigger was what happened in Qatar in 2004."

there's always something interesting about what incident parties identify as the turning point in these rivalries. with sete/valentino, you could reasonably point to three different episodes:

assen 2004: last lap overtake resulting in contact that left sete 'angry', though publicly he turned the page pretty quickly. the first obvious public sign of tension between the pair

qatar 2004: for obvious reasons. the allegations of gamesmanship that made valentino openly turn on sete and end any cordial relations between the two of them, let alone friendship

jerez 2005: the most contentious on-track incident between the pair of them that continues to be infamous for the final corner contact and the post-race theatrics

valentino, when he talks about this rivalry, does seem to always go for qatar. yes, he's talked about jerez, but he doesn't bring it up when he's asked about the relationship between the pair of them. the sample size here is admittedly pretty small, but he answered in a similar way in 2015:

sete, by contrast, is generally more hung up on jerez. he's mentioned qatar a few times when commenting on how valentino had suddenly switched up towards him, but more often than not it's jerez. part of this is just... well, he's really focused on the moral injury aspect of what happened at jerez, where he feels very strongly he was wronged - and even more than that, that the incident set a bad precedent. he discusses valentino a bit in that three hour podcast episode he went on and it's basically entirely focused on that last lap corner

which, you know, if somebody manages to successfully 'put a curse' on you, I do get why this probably isn't the bit of the story you want to bring up by your own volition. it's also the kindest narrative to sete - because if it's all about his jerez, then his decline in that rivalry is more about a moral stance than it is about valentino successfully crushing his spirit

that's the thing, right... both of these choices of turning points, qatar and jerez, represent something to the two parties, and both narratives flatter the person telling them in some way. in both cases, it's about their rival doing something that's unacceptable, immoral, 'dirty' in some way... they're accusing each other of stepping outside of the bounds of what is 'acceptable' behaviour for competitors. they're accusing each other of not playing fair, of not playing the game like it should be played. this is what makes the dissolution of their friendship acceptable too, right - it's not just that they're rivals, it's not just the heat of competition or whatever, it's that their enemy did something wrong. this isn't just normal competitive tension that caused their relationship to fall apart, it's foul play

now, look, I'm not going to make some ultra contrarian argument about how it's all actually about assen 2004, This Race Clash Is The One Nobody Is Talking About... BUT this was the first public incident in which sete failed to act graciously in defeat and valentino verbally noted as much. clearly the relationship was a bit strained already headed into qatar. see the autobiography quotes, see assen... also. well. check out what valentino said at the time at qatar (from here):

"I've been looking for an excuse not to talk to sete"... this doesn't necessarily contradict how valentino frames qatar as the "trigger" - the word itself acknowledges that there was something already there just waiting to be 'triggered'. in what truly is one of the all time great presser questions, the above quote is actually put to valentino in sepang with sete sitting right next to him

good vibes!

unfortunately he doesn't really clarify what he meant here, just saying something along the lines of 'well it's a new week now'. anyway, you can interpret the initial valentino quote in several different ways. you could say he was just searching for an opportunity to engineer a feud with sete and was willing to seize on any opportunity, however flimsy. or you could say valentino had already grown suspicious of sete - presumably as a result of several past incidents between the pair of them. the stuff vale mentions in his autobiography about how sete had been predicting him to fail at yamaha, what happened at assen... again, it's the idea that sete covets what valentino has, that he's been performing graciousness - perhaps, from assen onwards at the latest, a little less successfully so. perhaps valentino just wanted to create a little more distance between the two of them for his own sake, make it easier to fire up his competitive juices - and that's what he needed an 'excuse' for. or perhaps what valentino meant was something along the lines of 'I suspected he was a snake and now he proved it'. whatever it was, it must have been enough for valentino to be ready to pull the pin on that particular friendship. so yes, qatar is the trigger. even if it triggered something that had already been festering for a much longer time

"What happened in Qatar 2004... I saw it as something dirty that I didn't expect neither from Sete, nor from Juan Martinez, who was his technical manager and who had worked with me for a long time."

okay I already discussed the descriptor of 'dirty' for sete's actions. it's something underhanded, it's something valentino doesn't like - snitching on your rivals as a dishonest way of beating them. athletes can build up incredibly convoluted frameworks of what they consider acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and a lot of the time it is self-serving bullshit.... but it can be self-serving bullshit with an internal logic of sorts. like, this is the thing right, is going to race direction to play tattletale inherently morally so much worse than various valentino behaviours he openly admits to? eh. but for him, he sees this as a fundamentally 'dirty' and ugly way of trying to win. the stuff he does is fair game, but going around trying to find obscure rules that might not even technically exist to fuck over your rival is not okay. that's not how you should fight to win

the martinez angle has also already been mostly covered above... I was aware they'd worked together before martinez moved to the gresini team (while valentino was still at honda by the way, this wasn't a case of martinez choosing against jumping ship to yamaha when valentino left) - but it's still nice to get the confirmation that they'd worked together for a "long time". obviously, this is a fun element of 2004 in general, the extent to which valentino's sworn enemies are all the people he was working alongside in previous years, how vicious the break up had been. this was also in itself a nice source of motivation, and initially that season was as much about spiting honda as it was spiting his specific rivals who had been so wedded to the narrative that valentino was on the superior bike. though it should be noted valentino wasn't disillusioned with, like, the honda rank and file, mechanics and so on - more with honda management and the engineers. here from his autobiography:

and martinez himself was also a suspension technician in valentino's team. which, yeah, valentino feels hurt on a personal level! this is somebody he had worked with and trusted who has (allegedly) decided to do something so underhanded specifically to spite valentino! from the same autobiography excerpt as above:

rivals are one thing, you've kinda gotta expect the worst, but he does take this type of relationship very seriously. presumably it really twisted in the knife for him, this notion that one of his former team members was willing to do something this 'dirty' to him. valentino didn't expect it! not from sete and not from somebody he'd worked with for years! that's the bit that made it unforgivable, the previous personal relationships that valentino felt weren't being honoured

(incidentally, juan martinez actually ended up being nicky hayden's crew chief... during his time at ducati, where of course hayden would be reunited with valentino for two years as teammates. bit awkward!)

"I felt betrayed because it was as if I was being played."

see above, not much more to add. that's what it often comes back to for valentino, isn't it. a lot of stuff is acceptable, it's just part of the game, rivalries are supposed to be feisty and fierce and a little bit ugly. but this? again, a lot of this is about internal frameworks that athletes have for what is seen as acceptable and not acceptable within competition. valentino deploys a rather liberal definition of what should be allowed both on and off the track, but this is a hard line for him. he'll accept a lot, but not what he considers betrayal. something else that remains consistent throughout his career, including as it pertains to a certain other rivalry

"Sete was a great rival and when you fight like that it's a bit like Michael Jordan says, it's something personal."

michael jordan mention, interesting in its own right! someone who's been compared to valentino in his ruthlessness and, well, cruelty (though some of the stories about jordan make valentino look like an angel lbr). a little bit of commentary to be made there on what greatness in sports generally looks like, and how it does often involve some... hm. pretty unsavoury behaviour. the two of them have actually met a couple times, in valencia 2004 where valentino took him for a ride and laguna 2005 where they partied together after the race

obviously, it's a little funny this meeting happened at valencia 2004 of all occasions, at a time in which valentino was really finding his groove where psychologically torturing his rivals was concerned. there's always something heartwarming about athletes drawing inspiration from each other, no? but anyway, coming back to what valentino actually said here - "it's something personal". just in case anyone's unfamiliar, what this is referring to jordan's habit of drawing competitive inspiration from what he saw as personal slights (there's several compilations out there of jordan using phrasing along the lines of 'it became personal with me', if anyone wants to look it up). sete inspired valentino to up his game because valentino did increasingly take it personally when sete thwarted him - and at a certain point, valentino decided that defeat was no longer acceptable at all. the best way possible to fire himself up... take it personally, and be prepared to do whatever it takes to make his enemy's life hell

"With Sete what happened in Qatar made me very angry and it helped me to give my best until the end of that season and for the next one."

well, yes! I talked a little bit here about the parallels between marc and valentino in how they use anger to motivate themselves, mainly in the context of argentina 2018. and from valentino's autobiography:

anyway, excluding the qatar fiasco itself where he lost his temper, it's fun that he acknowledges explicitly here that the anger provided him with a good source of competitive fuel. note also the time span - the last three races of 2004 as well as the entirety of 2005. sete wasn't really a title rival any more in 2005, not after jerez, but he was still a serious on-track threat... if your goal isn't just to win the title but also to prevent sete from winning a single further race, then sure, he's still very relevant! so that rivalry was still a big part of his competitive make-up a full year after sete could no longer seriously challenge him for a title, and valentino does have enough self-awareness to consciously take advantage of that fury when he can. he probably never did that better than in 2005... his brain controlled his fury - and at every single opportunity he used it to beat sete further into submission

"If I had to give Sete some advice... it's better if he hadn't done it."

iconic banger line. evil laugh afterwards. 10/10 no notes

[palmofafreezinghand]

guilt

Esme and Carlisle fight about discuss his motivations to change Rosalie.

twilight advent calendar day seven: Choose one Twilight couple (or an AU ship) and tell us about an argument they've had. How did they resolve it in the end? (prompts here) content warnings: references to sexual assault & domestic abuse.

June 1933. 

Esme sat on the back porch step, keenly aware her freshly styled hair was frizzing in the evening rain but lacking all motivation to go back inside. She would have been thrilled about the project at any other point in her life, a mansion that desperately needed life breathed back into it. She should have been content for years exploring the rooms upon rooms of things to do, planning her restoration, and studying the hundreds of years of history haunting the halls. Yet, the hastiness of the move, and the chaos brought by their new unexpected discontented roommate, meant she loathed what her husband believed was a gift. 

The back porch was as far as she could go, the vast wilderness she once spent days hiding in was strictly forbidden. The newest housemate refused to be left alone with anyone but Esme and was too new to their way of life to be left alone completely. Esme should have taken it as a compliment and not the death sentence she had come to regard it as. 

She heard the back door creak open — a reminder she still needed to oil that hinge — before she detected her husband, her inhuman senses overpowered by her inhuman imagination. 

“Hello,” he said, heavy footsteps walking across the porch, she could hear the oak creak under his boot. The porch would need to be replaced, or removed, which was fine it was a horrific addition, not the only one she had faced in recent months. 

“You are home early,” she observed. 

“I am an hour later than usual,” he responded, taking a seat next to her, the porch groaned, probably termites. 

She blinked, it was awfully dark was it not? “Oh, I must have been in my own mind, I did not realize it was so late.” She moved to stand — begrudgingly preparing herself to mediate whatever conflict had arisen in her mere hours alone — but his hand around her arm stopped her. 

“Please don't rush off, I feel I have barely been able to look at you without someone threatening to harm me these past few months,” her husband said in a manner he must have believed to be charming. 

She sighed, their home had been… tense, to put it politely. Although it was largely due to his own’s action. He was correct, they had not had a meaningful conversation since April. They had briefly run into each other in hallways, or spent mornings playing chess in the living room but always with an audience, and the understanding they could not speak freely. That moment, although lacking the privacy they typically preferred, was the closest they had gotten to a moment alone in months. 

“Edward is simply worried, perhaps a tad mad, but mostly worried,” Esme explained. “You know how he gets.” 

“He is not the one I am frightened of," Carlisle laughed, his hand landing on her thigh. "I am afraid she will bite my head off every time I touch you."

She attempted to laugh along but even she thought it sounded wrong.

Frightened. She chewed the word, turning the tone he had used over in her mind, it had flowed so naturally. As if the scared teenager currently listening to every word they said from the second story did not have every right to be terrified. 

“She is scared, it is not her fault,” Esme said, wrapping her arm around him.

“She could tone it down a notch,” her husband scoffed, “even Edward was not this aggressive .” 

“Edward had the flu,” Esme said before she could think better of it. She knew better than to talk back, especially weaponizing what was a traumatic experience of her son’s. ‘I am sorry, sweetheart. I did not mean it dismissively, I know that was horrific, I was trying to provide him perspective,’ Esme thought to the boy who was undoubtedly eavesdropping. She could hear the muffled first ten seconds of her favorite composition and knew she was forgiven. 

“You reacted far better,” Carlisle countered. “You have been through similar," he said quietly enough it would be barely heard by those in the house.

“I had wished for death. I recognized you. I did not have my life ripped away,” Esme said. Why was he refusing to understand? 

“Edward had his life ripped away, as did I.” 

“Not at the hands of someone you loved.” 

“I understand that, love, but—” 

“Do you?” 

Carlisle recoiled at her tone, but followed it by a tight lipped smile. “Are you alright? This is uncharacteristic for you,” he said in his familiar “doctor” tone, comforting, patronizing, a tone that meant to convey ‘I am an authority.’ 

“I apologize,” Esme said, squeezing his forearm lovingly, “I have had a long day.” 

The words burned as she heard herself say them. How many unnecessary apologies was she destined to give when a husband of hers disagreed with her conduct? No, the two were nothing alike. 

He smiled forgivingly, nodding in understanding. His hand, large and cold, wrapped around the back of her head, fingers through her hair. She flinched, he frowned and withdrew. 

“I apologize,” Esme said, like one of Edison’s eerie dolls fated to echo the same sentiment until their wax record wore out. 

“Does she know about?” He asked, dropping his voice to a whisper, gesturing with his hand rather than say the name they danced around as if it was a curse.  

“Charles?” Esme asked, speaking at her regular volume, he winced but nodded. “You can say his name. He is not the Prince of Denmark.” 

“Macbeth was attempting to be the King of Scotland. Hamlet is the Prince of Denmark,” Carlisle corrected her attempt at levity. 

“Yes, I have told her about Charles. Not every detail but many.” 

“Do you think reliving that has caused this?” He asked delicately, once again gesturing, this time to her, referencing her previous tone. Heaven forbid she speak frankly to him. 

“It did not seem fair that I knew every detail about the worst night of her life, under no account of her own, and she knew nothing of mine.” 

“You did not have to share anything with her. That is your story to tell how, and when you choose.” 

“Carlisle, I know far too well how dreadful it is to be alone reliving that pain, feeling completely out of control of your life.” 

“You felt alone back then?” 

“Of course.” 

His only response was a hmmph. She had hinted at this compliant many times over the years but had never said it in so few words.

Esme took the silence as an opportunity to continue speaking about the topic they had silently agreed to dance around. “I have been thinking about Ch- him a lot lately.” She noticed the way his nails dug into his palm, his glare at a puddle forming in the backyard, and yet she persisted, albeit less confidently. “I think… perhaps, I buried a lot of my memories in an attempt to move through it, and to not upset you two, but now it is all bubbling back up.” 

“You do not have to discuss anything you do not wish to. No matter how much she pries.” 

“She does not pry. I share willingly, I am thinking about him anyways, I figure I might vocalize some of it.” 

“I apologize. She should not be forcing you to think of that thing.” 

Esme considered her next move carefully. Very rarely did she challenge him blatantly, and never in front of others, but this seemed far more important than anything they had ever disagreed about previously and privacy seemed extinct.

“You brought home a young woman bloody and nude, who had been…” she swallowed the venom that felt like bile rising in her throat at her next word, “raped and beaten by her fiancé and his friends. You decided she should be frozen in that moment for the rest of eternity, and you do not believe I am going to naturally think about my husband and his?” 

“His friends?” Carlisle stammered, one hand in a fist, the other gripping his knee. 

“Do not act as if I have had complete permission to share freely about what went on in that house. You have torn a hole in your pants in your anger.” 

He glanced down at his knee where his nails had shredded the slacks. “Do you expect me to enjoy hearing about him? To revel in...picturing what he did?” 

“No,” she said definitively placing her hand softly on his torn pant knee, “but I lived it and sometimes I can not ignore that it happened.” 

“His friends?” He asked again, quietly. 

“We do not have to discuss it,” she said softly, squeezing his knee comfortingly. 

“No, you want to. Please, tell me every gory detail,” he practically spat. 

“Carlisle.” 

“I apologize my tone was inappropriate” he said, in only a slightly softer tone. 

The couple fell into an uncomfortable silence, punctuated by raindrops on brick. 

“Why did you change her?” Esme asked minutes later. 

“We have been over this before. She was far too young to die, I knew she was beyond the realm of medicine.” 

“You see young people die all the time. You see young beautiful women die often, I am not jealous enough to suggest that was the motivator. Why not any of them?” 

“This was different.” 

“Why?” He did not respond, she pressed further. “Why this young woman who had been through such familiar horrors? Why did you feel compelled to save her? Why not a woman like her forty years ago? Why now?"  

Her husband did not respond, but he met her eyes briefly, his mouth turning into a frown, and he abruptly looked away. It was confirmation enough. 

“That is what I was afraid of,” Esme muttered. It felt as if someone had punched her in the gut. She had suspected this was at least partly his motivation from the moment she pieced together what had happened to the girl. His needless guilt had been a topic of discussion on a number of occasions, had made him act irrationally more than once, but this… was too far. 

They fell back into silence, her hand on his knee drawing mindless shapes but it felt more like a rehearsed gesture than a sign of affection.

He moved one arm as if to wrap it around her shoulders but pulled it back to his body before ever touching her. 

“You could not save me,” Esme said quietly. It was truth they had never acknowledged but both knew. “You believe you could not save me because you left, correct?” 

“It is the truth.” 

“But I was not a victim," Esme said plainly.

“Es-” 

“No,” she said, moving the hand on his knee to his jaw, pulling his face to look at her. She shifted on the stair to face him directly. “Listen to me, please. I married him. I stayed with him for years. I chose not to knock him over the head with a frying pan and feed him to my father’s pigs. I chose to stay in our home when he was gone for a year. I chose him. A thousand times over.” 

“I do not understand what you are trying to say.” 

“Even if you were there, even if you had known what he did, you could not have done anything.” The hand on his face moved to his upper arm. 

“But I cou—” 

“No. If you had given me a choice, I would not have chosen you. I believed that was the life I was supposed to live. I would have chosen him, every single time. Do you understand me?” 

“Do you… love him?” Carlisle asked, frowning as if the words burned. 

“Don't be foolish, you know I do not," she scoffed, “I never did. But I was not brave, I would not have chosen to escape even if for some reason you were there and offered. The only reason I left was because I had too. You did not fail to save me.” 

“You do not know that. If I coul—” 

“Carlisle, no. What happened in my life, is no one’s fault but Charles’ and mine. You are not to blame.” 

“But if I had—” 

“This is not about you!” Esme exclaimed harshly.

He gulped.

"What I went through had nothing to do with you. What happened to her had nothing to do with you. The only way you are involved is because you changed someone because you felt guilty over what you could not prevent me from going through?” She finally asked. 

He looked away from her, eyes focused on their feet. 

“I do not believe I thought of it that rationally in the moment,” he said slowly, “But logically, yes, that was probably a motivating factor.” 

“Do you understand the position that puts me in?” 

“I do now, yes.” 

“Do you understand the position she is in?” 

“I never intended -” 

“I know,” she said earnestly, leaning forward so she could look him in the eye. “You never intend. I do not say this to hurt you, love. I do not say this to make you feel guilty, but I need you to understand the consequences this has had, for all of us.” 

He bit his bottom lip, a jerky little nod. “I do,” he muttered. He turned, she thought to avert her gaze, but instead his head dropped on her shoulder. 

She wrapped her arms around him as she felt his frame shake, “I do,” he trembled, no louder than a breeze. 

[icewindandboringhorror]

Baby boy brother birthday photos from last year that I just realized I never uploaded!

[thelostrainbowthenovel]

Bios: The Feorian Rulers

- Ruling King Vulcan Von Brandt

. Age: 47

. Gender: male

. Sexuality: straight

. Family: parents, 1 older sister, 1 niece, Ignatius(oldest child), Hestia(second oldest child), Flint(middle child), Ashton(youngest child)

. Relationships: Soleil(wife)

. Abilities: fire magic(natural), hand-to-hand combat

. Physical Appearance: tall with a muscular build, short and slightly curly brown hair pushed back with spiky bangs, tan skin, dark brown eyes, several battle scars all over

Ruling king of the Kingdom of Feor, husband to Soleil, and father to Ignatius, Hestia, Flint, and Ashton. Although he is the second-born, his older sister never cared to take over the throne for herself so the role as heir was given to him during his early adolescence. He was always taught the ways of being a strong and capable leader as a prince, so while his new position as heir took some time getting used to, he accepted it gratefully as he always wanted to do best by his people. Logical when it comes to thinking, and preferring to rule with a firm approach, he comes off to some as close-minded and cold in his rule. While this is true to some extent, he is a lot more open-minded and caring towards his people than some would think, as he will advocate for new laws if he sees it as important or necessary. When he became of age he followed in the footsteps of the kings before him and joined the army, rising up in the ranks and serving as a captain during a series of battles that almost escalated into war when he was in his twenties. Fighting closely alongside him during this time was his wife Soleil and his best friend Idris Brenton, with the latter now being a general and his right-hand man when it comes to current military tactics and decisions. Although he was originally arranged to Soleil, they knew each other as children and made sure to get to know each other better during the course of their engagement, to the point they were genuinely in love when they married as adults. He may come off as stern and intimidating, but he softens up the most around his family, caring for their well-being and safety above all-else as he does not want to lose any of them for any reason.

- Queen Consort Soleil Von Brandt

. Age: 45

. Gender: female

. Sexuality: straight

. Family: parents, 2 older brothers, 2 younger brothers, 5 nephews, 1 niece, Ignatius(oldest child), Hestia(second oldest child), Flint(middle child), Ashton(youngest child)

. Relationships: Vulcan(husband)

. Abilities: flame magic(natural, depleted/no longer), hand-to-hand combat, sword-fighting

. Physical Appearance: tall with a fit, hourglass build, wavy and waist-length, side-swept fiery red hair fading into orange and yellow, fair skin, gold eyes, ears double pierced, large burn scar going from her lower-left cheek down all the way to her wrist

Queen consort of the Kingdom of Feor, wife to Vulcan, and mother to Ignatius, Hestia, Flint, and Ashton. Soleil grew up as the only daughter of one of Feor's most notable noble families, having four brothers. She did not despise being the only girl of her siblings however, as she got along fairly well with all of her brothers growing up. She knew Vulcan when they were children, back when he was just the prince and they were not arranged yet to be married. She followed in her families footsteps and joined the army when she was of age, fighting alongside her two older brothers and Vulcan. When they were both over the age of sixteen she and Vulcan were arranged to be married, doing so several months after she turned eighteen. She continued her work as a soldier for many years, even after having her first two children, before one fateful battle happened that not only gave her her burn scar, but also completely depleted her of all of her once powerful and strong magic. With no magic left, she took to wielding daggers and swords to defend herself with, being her daughter's first teacher on how to properly wield and fight with her own swords when she was big enough to learn. She also developed both PTSD and mild depression from her accident, that while she has been doing much better with her mental health in recent years, she still has her struggles with unwanted flashbacks and nightmares of the incident that have her feeling down for a long time whenever they pop up. She is a mature and wise queen, at first having a little trouble expressing herself and her emotions when she was younger, but has grown to become a lot more lively since then, even a little flirty to get her husband's attention now-and-then. While she is married into the royal family, she still has a good amount of influence. Nowadays she works on maintaining a strong presence as a role model for those in similar positions as herself when she was younger, that despite having a horrible accident that takes away a vital part of yourself, that there's other options in life out there to continue standing strong despite what others may say about you.

[circumstanceworn]

𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬.

1. What does your muse smell like?

most of the time, he smells like soil with a vague hint of herbs, flowers, and dew. occasionally there’s a mix of oil and metal, but that’s only if he’s been playing around with a mechanical project.

2. What do your muse’s hands feel like?

quite soft. he’s got a couple callouses but they’re small and almost unnoticeable, oftentimes healing over because he gives them time to do so. his hands are his way of experiencing the world around him, so it’s important to him that nothing impedes that ability.

3. What does your muse usually eat in a day?

whatever's around the house. usually this is very basic, simple foods that are inexpensive and easy to prepare — a lot of sandwiches, soups, cereals, rice, that sort of thing. on occasion there's a splurge for something more interesting and more tasty, but that's largely based on whether the money is available or if there's something to celebrate, like someone's birthday or a holiday. other than that? a lot of coffee, at least 2-3 cups a day.

4. Does your muse have a good singing voice?

yes, actually, but it's rare for anyone but his plants to hear it. he's too shy to sing in front of people and really only does it when he gets wrapped up enough in his plant care that he forgets to worry that someone else might walk into the greenhouse and overhear him.

5. Does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks?

one could certainly argue that his coffee drinking has become a bad habit, with how many cups he has in a day. he also tends to slouch a bit. as far as nervous tics though, he has a lot of those. lots of fidgeting, especially playing with his sleeves, the end of his shirt, or any jewlery he might have on. he shifts his stance a lot, plays with his fingers, chews on his lip or the inside of his cheek, and, when it comes to conversation, he stammers, pauses often, and interjects with a lot of 'uhms.'

6. What does your muse usually look like / wear?

his hair is usually a bit ruffled and mildly unkempt, but otherwise he's very clean. his clothes are almost always a bit too big for him, but he takes comfort in that — especially in sweaters that are too large. his typical outfit consists of pants that are a size or two up, oftentimes jeans or sweatpants (but he'll wear anything that's comfortable), an oversized t-shirt of some sort, and a huge sweater on top of that — either a hoodie or a jumper. sometimes he'll opt for a long-sleeved shirt, but he prefers a good sweater. ultimately, his favourite clothing is based on comfort & softness, as well as how easily he can simply hide himself in it.

7. Is your muse affectionate? How much? How so?

yes, but with extreme selectivity. while he remains kind with most people unless given reason to not be, he has a great deal of distrust toward most. only those he trusts receive his genuine affection, and he has to trust them more or less implicitly. once someone holds his trust though, he is quite affectionate — how he displays it and how much he displays it depends a lot from person to person, however. by default with anyone he trusts, si-u takes no issue in touching, though he balances this on their preferences over his own. in most of these cases, he'll take their hand or grasp their arm when they're out walking, allowing them to lead the way, and easily engages in affectionate acts like hugging. with those he's especially close with, si-u can be almost clingy; he'll sit very close so as to feel their movements & take comfort in their presence, he'll hold onto them even if they're just sitting at home, he'll play with their fingers or the sleeves of their shirts, lean against them, hang off of them, etc. he's very touchy with those people he trusts with his life. another big show of affection of his that spans even to those who haven't fully gained his trust but are close to it comes in the form of gifts, usually that of plants. if he offers you one, whether you accept it or not, it means he likes you quite a bit.

8. What position does your muse sleep in?

fetal position, on his side with his arms and legs pulled toward his chest. he basically curls up into a ball. there's definitely an aspect of self-comforting that comes with this choice of sleeping position, and maybe it's simply because it's the way he's slept since he was very young, but it's the position he's most comfortable in.

9. Could you hear your muse in the hallway from another room?

no. si-u is very aware of the volume of his voice and actions and he's careful to ensure he's as quiet as possible while also being audible enough for those in the room to be able to hear him speak or, at the very least, know that he's there. he likes to be as unnoticeable as possible, but also hates to accidentally frighten those who enter the room without necessarily realizing he's there. much of this is habit from his younger years wherein being quieter meant he was less likely to be harrassed.

[weixuldo]

A Champion's Game

timeskip!ushijima x f!reader

Wakatoshi claims a win for Japan in the 2021 Olympics and you are able to witness his greatness on and off the court (established relationship)

word count: 6274

cw: fem!reader, fingering, Oral (m&f receiving), unprotected sex, cursing, P in V, they're v horny, minors dni

A/N: to my regulars who r here for vader and ani content- im sorry- something possessed me to write this after seeing one too many volleyball ads on the Tokyo subway tvs haha- will get back to ani stat (next fic is alr in the drafts hehe)

______________________________________

A deafening slam rang through the Olympic stadium as one of Japan’s monster generation players dealt the final (and winning) blow. 

The crowds were silent for a moment, taking in all that had happened- painstakingly long, intense rallies for God knows how long. Both the Argentinian and Japanese teams scored unbelievable points with both teams using their versatile and skilled players in just the right way. 

The match was stressful and every player was wearing down by the end but in the last moments one player unexpectedly stepped up. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi- a man of few words and even fewer mistakes- was the one that ended the match with one of his famous spikes. 

The arena bursted into a thunderous applause as Ushijima’s feet landed back onto the court below him. 

His chest heaved in exhaustion and beads of sweat trickled down his forehead- once he realized he secured an Olympic win for his team he threw his left fist into the air and yelled out in celebration as his teammates swarmed him in excitement. But his olive eyes darted toward the crowd in search for the very reason he was able to muster up the energy to score. 

You. 

You were sitting pretty close to the court as you were sitting with the families and special guests of the other players. Originally you weren’t going to make it to watch Ushijima at any of his Olympic matches- your job didn’t really allow for long periods of leave and earlier in the year you had taken time off to visit relatives. 

So a few months back when Wakatoahi told you the match schedule, you sadly shook your head and told him you wouldn’t be able to make it. Of course he was a little upset but he understood that your career was as important to you as volleyball was to him. 

He did well not to show you how much it upset him, but after dating the guy for years, you could tell he was down. And rightfully so- you wanted to be there for one of the most important matches of your boyfriend’s career. 

So for the weeks leading up to the Olympics, you had sneakily been networking a way to be able to come- every night after Wakatoshi would fall asleep, you’d slip out of bed to make phone calls, send emails, and work overtime on some projects that needed to be done. 

You weren’t even sure if all of the extra work would pay off to allow you to go, but you did it nonetheless- at least it gave you a chance. 

It wasn’t until a whole week after you dropped Toshi off at the Airport with a deep kiss that you got the glorious email from your boss allowing you your time off. 

You sped home and hopped onto your computer to book a flight; since there was so much air traffic due to the iconic sporting event there weren’t many tickets left, but you found one for the next day…

His last game.

The flight would get in right as the game started and after you factored in going through customs and getting a taxi there- it put you a little over the halfway mark; you reminded yourself that it was better to get there late then to not show up at all. 

The whole flight you prayed that you wouldn’t be too late so once the plane docked you were sprinting to customs and ordering an Uber in line. 

It had been a long 24 hours to say the least, but at least you made it. 

And oh was it worth it. 

Once you got to the stadium you had a little bit of trouble getting to the VIP/ Athlete reserved space but thankfully Iwaizumi was walking by and let you in. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here” the spiky haired man chuckled as he gave you a quick hug. 

“Ushiwaka has really been pouting about you not being able to come for weeks”

You blushed as you thought of your big strong boyfriend brooding in the corner at practices while everyone else raved about the upcoming games.  

“Yea, I’m honestly surprised, myself. I really didn’t think my boss was gonna let up” you admitted as Iwazumi walked you to the reserved section. 

“Well the match is pretty tight- but either way Wakatoshi will be thrilled to see you” he said before heading back to the coaches. 

The section was filled with other players’ significant others, families, and even a few of the older ones’ kids. 

You quickly recognized Bokuto’s sisters as they excitedly motioned you over to sit with them- the Bokuto’s were always so inviting.  

The three of you caught up briefly before the game entered its final moments- you excused yourself and walked straight up to the barrier between your section and the court so you could watch more intently. 

On the court, Ushijima felt his body wearing out- sure he was used to long matches but the stress and exhaustion of this match created was finally catching up to him. It wasn’t until he saw his excitable teammate look to the stands to wave at his sisters that he also spared a glance. 

There was no reason for him to look at the section since he had no one to look for, but he thought seeing some familiar faces might give him more motivation. 

He felt his heart skip a beat once his tired eyes landed on an all too familiar figure. No one would have known how excited he was because of his usual stoicism but once he demanded the next balls be sent to him his teammates all began to realize. 

Bokuto was the first to notice your arrival because you were sitting with his sisters but once Hinata realized the reason for Ushiwaka’s reinvigorated spirit, he loudly let the rest of the team know that they needed to toss Ushijima the balls. It was no secret to his team that your boyfriend was enamored with you and would become even more focused when you were around. 

Especially now, Wakatoshi was determined to win the match and show you just how hard he had been working recently, so he did just what he said he would. 

He won the game. 

And that’s where you were now, waiting in the stands with your hands over your heart as you watched your victor celebrate with his team before closing the game with the traditional respects to their competition. 

As soon as he could break away from the team he was running towards the stands with a wide smile on his usually stoic face. You waited in electric anticipation as he crossed the court for you- his taught muscles pulling, his hair bouncing, his tight jersey… he looked so damn good. 

Once he reached the barrier you leaned down and reached out to him. Breathlessly, he kissed the back of your hand and held it to his face, making your heart flutter. 

 “My Love”, his deep voice rang; raspy from hours of shouting. 

“You came.”

If you weren’t his lover, you would have missed the slight glaze of his olive eyes, a sheen of emotion only you could evoke. 

“I couldn’t miss it, Toshi” you smiled, making his heart race. 

____________________

Ushijima had never rushed off a court so quickly; he almost seemed to teleport to the showers right after the match. 

The media might have tried to dig up dramatic romance stories with Ushijima as the main star but there was no doubt that the silent opposite hitter was enraptured by you. 

No media outlet could replicate the amount of love that spilled from the photos of your reunion outside the locker room. 

He exited the lockers with the others, but immediately made a bee-line for you, pulling you into a warm embrace. Before you could even congratulate him, the brown-haired man had scooped you up into his strong arms and slotted his lips against yours. 

You gasped against him but gave in nonetheless; the adrenaline must have really been pumping through his veins because he had never been so forward in public. Once he finally broke the passion fueled kiss, he kept a strong hand on the back of your head as he rested his forehead against yours. 

He smelled of his timbery body wash and natural musk that you inhaled greedily, his olive eyes still shining brightly as you placed gentle hands on the sides of his face. You had never seen him so happy. 

“You did so well, baby- I’m so proud of you” you smiled as you pressed another kiss to his curved lips. 

He was just about to respond when he was cut short by an exaggerated wolf whistle from Atsumu Miya. Usually Ushijima would grumble out of annoyance when his eccentric teammates would begin their teasing, but he genuinely couldn’t care less today.

He gently placed you back onto your feet and returned to his normal stoic expression once his teammates approached; he readied himself for a bit of small talk with a large hand still snaked around your waist. 

“Hey hey hey, You must be pretty damn proud of your wonder boy, huh?” Bokuto smiled from behind the blonde man. 

“I definitely am, but I can’t say I’m surprised, '' you said before smiling up at him; Ushijima’s eyes had returned to their usual indifferent state, but softened ever so slightly when he looked down at you. 

“He’s been practicing really hard”.

Ushijima did smile at that. 

“But all of you guys did really well, I can tell that you’ve been working on your jumps, Hinata-san, your accuracy has improved a lot since the last match I saw you in Miya-san. Oh! And Bokuto-san- You always have so much power behind your spikes!” you smiled as the small group of guys in front of you basked in your compliments (especially Bokuto). 

Hinata blushed at your compliments while Atsumu thanked you; Bokuto on the other hand was getting a little too excited- asking you about his performance and how it compared to others. His enthusiasm didn’t bother you since you had known Koutaro for years but the silent man behind you was becoming a bit peeved. 

Wakatoshi wouldn’t consider himself a jealous individual, but when his teammates were in front of you basically basking in your sweet words (words that he wanted for himself) he was becoming impatient. In the midst of this conversation he realized that he didn’t even know how long you’d be able to stay since your work was so stingy- then he really wanted to go. 

He wanted to celebrate this victory with you, savor your company, make love to you. Basically anything but still be here. 

Ushijima was about to excuse the two of you when the other teammates came out of the lockers and friends, family and press came from the other side. Soon he was separated from you and flooded with congratulations and compliments from not only his teammates and their families but also people he didn’t even know began shoving microphones and cameras in his face. In the midst of his excitement and adrenaline, he completely forgot about the post game panel he was definitely going to be asked to be on. He clenched his jaw and calculated how quickly he would be able to get it over with. 

You didn’t mind waiting for him, after all this was his big day and he deserved all of the recognition he got, but you did know that he wasn’t the biggest fan of all of the fanfare. Once he was rushed into the after-game panel (which you also forgot about), you waited on the sidelines with the other teammates to watch. 

“So Ushijima, we saw you wearing down about ¾ of the way into the match but then at the very end you seemed to perk right up, hitting point after point! What reinvigorated you that late into the game?” a tall reporter with tortoise shell glasses asked. 

The cameras were on Ushijima again; he sat up straight and nodded before pulling the mic closer; soon, his deep voice rang through the speaker system. 

“Someone very important to me showed up unexpectedly.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his blunt response; the media always tried to get headline interviews with him but he really just wasn’t much of a talker. 

“Any elaboration?” the interviewer almost begged. 

Ushijima thought for a moment before shaking his head, “None. That is what happened”.

Defeated, the interviewer moved on to the next reporter’s question. 

Once the panel concluded, Wakatoshi really just wanted to find you and go to his hotel but when he exited the room he was met with a lobby full of people eager to converse. He was running out of energy (energy he wanted to save for you).

Ushijima sighed when he finally spotted you across the room talking to Bokuto and his black haired friend from highschool… What was his name again? 

Nevermind. He needed to be alone with you. 

As he approached the three of you he finally heard your sweet voice. 

“Ahhh I’ve heard great things about that shonen! How do you like-”

Your eyes widened when you felt the familiar sensation of your boyfriend’s strong arm pulling you close to his chest. 

“Toshi! There you are!” you squealed, squeezing his forearm. 

“I was just asking Bokuto-san if he had seen you when Akaashi showed up! You remember Akaashi-san right? He was the setter for our highschool’s volleyball team when we were all at Fukurodani!” you smiled. 

Oh, yes- Akaashi Keiji, Bokuto’s boyfriend. 

Ushijima gave the other silent man a curt nod, “Hope life has been treating you well, Akaashi.” 

“It has, I see you have been doing well too. Congratulations by the way- you really are amazing on the court” Akaashi said before the other volleyball player began to pout. 

“Babe, you still think I’m just as amazing right?” Bokuto whined. Akaashi playfully rolled his eyes before turning to the buff man beside him. 

You watched the pair for a moment before you felt Ushijima tighten his grip around your waist- you knew his social battery was running out and that he was getting overstimulated. You turned towards him to see his pupils begin to dilate at your sudden attention. 

You brushed his cheek with your soft palm before pressing a tender kiss to his chest, “I know baby, we’ll leave right after this”. 

Ushijima hummed in response, he loved how well you could read him. He spent most of his life being misunderstood and making matters worse when he tried to explain; but it was just like a whole different world when it came to you. 

You exaggeratedly looked down at your watch before announcing that you didn’t know how late it had gotten. You bid the couple farewell before your boyfriend trailed you towards the private exit. 

He took your black backpack from you and slung it over his shoulder and held your purse with his free hand; he was always so thoughtful. 

Ushijima scanned the area to make sure there would be no more unwanted attention to disturb you and him; once he concluded you were in the clear he bent down to press a kiss to your temple as he gently held your head closer to his lips. 

“I’ve missed you so much, My love” he sighed into your soft floral-scented hair. 

“Where’s your suitcase?” Ushijima stopped to ask before exiting the facility.

“I just have my backpack and purse” you shyly smiled hoping your routine oriented boyfriend wouldn’t scold you for forgetting the necessities. 

But much to your surprise he just nodded, “No problem, I’ll take you shopping later”.

God, sometimes you forgot your boyfriend was a world famous athlete (with a world famous salary). 

Once you reached his private car, he tossed your bag in the back before opening the car door for you. His warm hand rested itself on your thigh once he was situated next to you in the black leather seat. The driver paid no heed to you and Wakatoshi as he kept his trained eyes on the busy street in front of him. 

With the hotel so close in reach, Wakatoshi felt his excitement (and something else) growing once more- now that he was away from the crowds and with you. 

Ushijima hadn’t even imagined how after the game would go if you were here because he was so sure you’d miss it. He supposed that he would just go back to his room, call you and then go to sleep, but now that you were here, he had no plan at all. 

All he knew was that your thighs were tensing with every brush of his hand and your nicely manicured nails were subtly clawing at his bicep. He hesitated before looking towards you because he knew exactly what expression was on your pretty little face and he didn’t know if he had enough self control left to hold himself back. 

Like the answer to a prayer the driver pulled into the circle of the hotel the athletes were staying in- Ushijima thanked the man and helped you out of the car before discreetly tucking his growing length into his waistband. 

You barely had time to marvel at the fancy hotel before your eager boyfriend was ushering you into the elegant elevator. He pressed the 11th floor and took his place by your side; of course he was eager, but he still had the decency to not go too wild with the risk of being caught. 

He snaked an arm around your waist and gave your ass a tight squeeze as he exhaled shakily. The elevator dinged and soon you were at your floor- Ushijima basically carried you to the room, key card ready to open the heavy wooden door. Once inside he shut the door and turned to you with open arms; you knew what he wanted and gladly complied. 

You jumped into his arms and wrapped your legs around his waist as he ran his desperate hands up and down your body. He hungrily kissed you while you raked your fingers through his hair. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you, Toshi” you breathed into his kiss making him weak in the knees. 

Wakatoshi took a moment to admire your flushed face and all at once he felt his high returning to him. His team just won their final Olympic match. He scored the last winning points. You were there and witnessed the whole thing. 

You were here.

He just won an Olympic match. 

Nothing could bring him down right now. 

He was brought out of his hazy thoughts once you began grinding your hips against his. He drew his brows together and groaned as you drug your manicured nails across his broad shoulders.

Soon he had you caged under his expansive figure; lying on the plush comforter of the large king bed, you relished the overwhelming heat radiating off of your boyfriend’s large frame.  

Ushijima felt every muscle in his tired body begin to tense as your burning touch traveled the expanse of his sculpted body. 

“Missed you so much” he panted into the side of your neck between greedy kisses and bites. 

His light brown hair was soft between your fingers as you lightly tugged the loose strands. He moved his attention to your clothed breasts as he pawed at the soft mounds through your tight shirt. 

“I can see that” you giggled as you lightly caressed the underside of his thick cock through his sweats. 

“But respectfully, Toshi- I think I missed you more” you said with a slight smirk as you quickly wrapped your legs around his waist and pushed him down onto you so that his bulge was flush against your pulsing core. 

His eyes shut and he breathed out a small “shit…” as your skilled fingers worked to undo his bottoms. As soon as the tie was undone he was quick to shove the pants down. 

Your breath caught in your throat as you clearly saw his thick long cock straining against the stretchy fabric of his boxer briefs. God how was Wakatoshi even real? 

Before you could finish drooling over the sight of his massive bulge, he had your bottoms off too. You had worn a matching set because you knew that no matter which way the game went, you’d still be seeing your lover today. Funny thing was that the match was so early that it was barely noon and you were already getting to it. 

Wakatoshi sat back on his haunches and just admired the sight before him. The large man’s chest heaved as he watched the damp spot on your panties begin to widen with every passing moment. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought he looked concerned, but you knew he was just taking everything in.

“Baby…” you cooed as you slowly sat up to meet his eyes. 

He quickly snapped out of his daze and tightly grabbed your hips; he kneaded at the flesh slowly but sensually, slightly running his callused hands up your waist. You couldn’t help but moan as one of his long fingers ran under the waistband of your panties, just to pull it back so it snapped you harshly. 

You yelped and squeezed your thighs closer together making Wakatoshi groan. 

“Take your top off.” your stoic boyfriend demanded in his usual flat tone, as if he were asking you to pass the TV remote. 

You bit your lip at the sound of his deep voice and quickly discarded the top. Your plump breasts were now on display for him to enjoy, though they were still being cradled by your fancy bra. A bra that was part of a special set Toshi bought you for your most recent anniversary- you really knew just how to drive him crazy. 

He leaned back down so that he was hovering above you as he slowly began to suck the exposed region of your left tit. You breathed his name so naturally as he skillfully unclasped and removed the tiny garment.

“No fair~ I wanna see you too” you fake pouted as you tugged on the bottom of his shirt, to which he responded with a grunt of acknowledgement. 

Soon he was pulling off his tight white shirt in a swift motion over his head, before tossing it into the growing pile of discarded clothes. You were quick to run your nails down his tight chest with a glint of mischief in your eyes, “much better”. 

Wakatoshi dawned a rare smirk and shook his head, “you’re such a needy girl, aren't you”. 

With an innocent smile you nodded your head and batted your pretty lashes, “Jus’ want you Toshi”. 

He exhaled through his nose and eagerly attached his lips to the soft skin down the column of your throat making you gasp. 

“Baby- don’t bite too hard, what if we have to go out later” you exclaimed, thinking about how the team might want to celebrate their victory later. 

Your boyfriend mumbled something into your neck before moving down to your breasts, he licked the sensitive buds before sloppily taking a tit into his mouth and palming the other with his strong left hand. 

His attention had you squirming under his hold, arching your back unintentionally. Wakatoshi could read your signals like no other, so he took the opportunity to snake his free hand around your waist and pull your hips closer to his throbbing dick. He was slick with pre already but didn’t want to give into his urges just yet; he needed to pleasure you first. 

Soon his kisses moved southward; eventually he had your panties in between his pearly teeth and he slid them down your smooth legs. You groaned as the cool hotel air hit your core and your hand immediately grasped Wakatoshi’s bicep. 

Wakatoshi felt an unbelievable wave of lust take him over as soon as he laid eyes on your pretty pussy. His dick twitched and he gave an experimental lick to your dripping core; he held an iron grip on your thighs as he shoved his whole face into you. 

You moaned at the feeling of his straight nose bumping against your sensitive bud and skilled mouth lapping up your juices.

Wakatoshi’s arousal pooled in his stomach as he slid his tongue between your folds collecting your essence. He devoured you as if he were a man starved; grinding his hips into the mattress below him every once in a while to release some of his building tension. 

Ushijima was a simple man with simple pleasures and nothing- nothing-in the world made him happier than pleasuring you. It was pornographic the way he buried himself into your dripping core, grunting against you everytime you squeezed your thighs around his head. 

“Mmph- T-Toshi, feels soo good” you moaned as you squeezed your eyes shut and tugged at his hair. 

Your praise earned you a deep groan from your boyfriend who swiftly inserted two digits into your slick hole in hopes of more blissful reactions. His cock throbbed as you swiveled your hips so that his fingers reached deeper into you. 

“Gonna- gonna cum baby- Toshi aahh” you squealed as you came around your boyfriend's thick fingers. 

Wakatoshi moaned as he happily lapped up your juices and clamped your thighs in his iron grip. Your body shivered with the echoes of your orgasm and before you could catch your breath you felt the warm lips of your boyfriend slotting against yours. 

“You taste amazing, My Love” your hulking boyfriend groaned against your lips. 

You clawed at his broad back before he rose to his knees to take in the view of your flushed face and marked body under him.

yYour lust returned all at once when you laid eyes on his painfully hard cock; it was so heavy that it was struggling to stand up, thick veins bulging with every subtle movement, dark tip and angry red just dribbling with pre-cum. 

You salivated as you observed the twitch of his large, circular balls each time you raked a nail down his meaty thigh. You needed to please him- you eagerly sat up and took a seat on your knees, face to face with his angry cock. 

Ushijima wasn’t naive, he knew what that position entailed, but he couldn’t help but lightly tease you, “What're you doing, Honey?” his low voice grumbled. 

“Just giving my Olympic victor a proper reward- is that alright with you?” you shyly smiled, batting your lashes at the man towering above you. 

Wakatoshi was at a loss for words as you kitten licked his sensitive tip before pressing a trail of burning kisses along his shaft, and finally lightly suckling his aching balls. Without warning, you returned to the main event and swallowed him down in one swift gulp. 

A guttural moan ripped its way from your boyfriend's throat as he balled his fists. 

Wakatoshi felt lightheaded as he took in the sight before him; the love of his life sitting on her knees before him, praising him for his victory- sweet lips usually reserved for tender kisses, making a mess of his throbbing cock. 

You had been with Wakatoshi long enough to know just how to rile him up; there was one vein in particular that ran up the bottom of his shaft to wrap around the left side that always throbbed the hardest. Initially you lightly followed it with the tip of your tongue to get his breath to hitch. 

“Baby~” he exhaled in a low groan as you gently squeezed his sensitive balls with your dominant hand. 

The vibrations of your moans and whimpers on his cock shot straight up his spine making him lurch forward and grip the mahogany headboard of the hotel bed. His wrists shook as he leaned over your back and bowed his head, getting a perfect view of your arched back as you continued swallowing his length greedily. 

He groaned with a low rumble at the sight; placing a large hand over his face and slowly dragging it down until it only covered his mouth. God- the image of you on your knees for him was enough to make him cum right then and there. 

But no. He needed to hold it a little longer.  

The enticing globes of your ass jiggled as your thighs clenched together in anticipation; so how could Wakatoshi not land a hard smack on your ass?

You whined on his dick and felt his tip strike the back of your throat suddenly, making you gag a little. Ushijima couldn't help the smirk that landed itself onto his flushed face. He settled his left hand tightly around the base of your throat as you pulled yourself off of his pulsing cock with a loud pop. 

Before you could realize what he was doing, Wakatoshi pulled you into a deep and messy kiss- not many men would want to taste themselves on your lips, but Ushijima always thought that was trivial. He loved you and all you did and had been doing was for him- why would he not kiss you? 

As he pulled you closer, you reached back in between his thighs to grip his meaty cock to continue your previous agenda.

“Feels so good~” the low timbre of his voice shot straight to your core as he praised you against your lips. 

“Mhmm, does it Toshi?”

He nodded before tensing and gently shoving you onto your back against the stack of pillows at the head of the bed. You landed lightly with surprise at the sudden movement; what was that for?

Your questions were answered as you observed your boyfriend sit back onto his heels with a pained and concentrated expression. His breaths were shaky and shallow as he fought the urge to cum; he gripped the sheets for a few seconds before slowly releasing the cloth once the feeling subsided. 

You giggled at his state- “What’s goin on baby?” you teased. 

“Need to be in you. Now.” he stated with a demanding tone as his olive eyes shot open- pupils almost completely dilated.

Instead of verbally answering you pounced onto him and wrapped your arms around his neck as you slotted your tongue against his, panting with each brush for his strong hands. 

“Shit babe- Let me go get a condom” Wakatoshi groaned as you began to pump his cock again. 

He gently released his grasp on you and started for his bag when you called out a pathetic “wait”. 

He immediately turned to you, brow slightly raised; “What is it my Love?”.

“D’ya wanna do it raw?” you shyly asked, plating with the rings on your manicured fingers. 

Ushijima thought he must have been dreaming, “Pardon?”.

“Do you want to fuck me raw, Wakatoshi” you stated with much more confidence, as you caressed your breasts for his viewing pleasure. 

Your words went straight to his dick because a thick gush of pre came dribbling out of his sensitive slit. Something in him snapped and he succumbed to his animalistic desires; before you knew it he was balls deep in your tight pussy, thrusting in and out with all of his might.

 No matter how many times you had him, Wakatoshi’s size was always an adjustment; he was just so big, so thick, so heavy. It was always a feat to stretch out enough to accommodate his sheer girth, but you did it everytime without fail. And without fail, everytime felt like it was the first time he was fucking your tight cunt. 

Ushijima’s grip on you was sure to leave bruises tomorrow, but today- you give any fucks, you just needed him to keep hitting that spot deep inside of you- that spot no one else could reach. 

“F-Fuck Toshi!! t’s soo good- Oh my Godd” you moaned as your eyes rolled back. 

“S’ tight for me- gripping on me so tight” Wakatoshi grunted as he struggled to pull himself back; your greedy cunt just sucked him in too far. 

“You liked watching me play today, huh?” he huffed as he slowly pulled himself out so that only his tip was left inside. 

“Y-You're my champion baby- s’ proud of you'' you nodded as you clawed at his biceps. 

He smirked and sank back into your warm, perfectly molded pussy with a guttural moan- “It was all for you, My Love. A-all f’ you” he promised into your ear as he resumed his earlier pace. 

“I-I’m gonna- I’m gonna cum Toshi! Oh fuck! shit-” you started stammering once he snaked his skilled fingers down towards your clit while still mercilessly thrusting in and out of your messied hole. 

Wakatoshi’s thighs began to tremble and he knew he was at the end of his rope; he was pushed further once your walls began fluttering and clenching around him from your orgasm. 

You came with his name on your tongue and arms around his neck as you pulled him flush against you. Nothing felt better than this- Wakatoshi couldn’t handle it anymore and wrapped his strong arms around you and began wildly bucking his hips into your tired cunt as you squealed into his neck and held on for dear life. 

He became sloppy as he felt his heavy, sensitive balls began drawing up in anticipation; “My L-Love, I’m going to cum- fuck- I’m cumming- I-I’m cumming” Wakatoshi moaned into your ear as he tried to pull himself out of the tight grip your pretty pussy had on him but for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t quick enough. Soon he was babbling apologies as he spilled his warm seed into your fucked out pussy. 

“I’m sorry, I-I couldn’t pull out. I’m so sorry” he wailed as his hips continued to involuntarily buck up with the remnants of his orgasm passing through. 

“It’s ok Toshi- It’s ok, feels so good- so warm” you babbled as your exhaustion took hold. 

He took a minute to catch his breath before gently pulling out of you; he cringed as his sensitive dick finally exited your warmth. Once he was out you whimpered a bit at the empty feeling before you felt him begging to clean you up with a towel. 

“I hope I wasn’t too rough, Dear- I’m sorry” he said, gently wiping his spend off of you. 

“No no- It’s ok Toshi, I liked it” you sleepily smiled. 

Once his worries subsided, Wakatoshi pressed gentle kisses to your peaceful face. 

“Thank you, My Love- thank you for everything” he said softly. 

You only hummed in response and waited patiently for him to return to your side. Tiredly, you turned over to rest your cheek on Wakatoshi’s large chest but as soon as you laid down his phone began to buzz crazily. You knew he didn’t have notifications on for anything except messages and emails so that definitely had to eb the Olympic group chat. 

He was about to silence his phone when you asked him what the boys were talking about. You smiled to yourself as you watched your boyfriend’s face return to its usual neutral scowl while he read the flood of texts. 

“They want to go out tonight to celebrate.” he said with no detectable emotion. 

“Oh that's fun! What are you going to wear?” you asked eagerly, wondering what fit he would choose tonight. 

But instead of answering he just quirked a brow, “What do you mean? I’m not going.” 

You shot up in shock with an exaggerated gasp, “Not going?! Toshi you just won your Olympic match and you aren’t going to celebrate with your team?!”.

“No. You are here and I want to spend time with you.” he stated very matter-of-factly. 

“Baby. I love you and I think it’s so sweet that you want to spend time with me- but you HAVE to go out” you whined pawed at his tight pecs. 

“But-” he began.

“But nothing! You earned that win and you deserve to celebrate”.

He sat silently for a moment, mulling over how to get you to let off a little, he just wanted to spend time with you. 

“They want to go out tonight but it’s already 5 pm” he said. 

Now it was your turn to think. 

“Ok, tell you what- how about I go with you and we take five minutes to chill, take a shower and then take a nap until we have to get ready to go out. We were probably going to get a few drinks tonight anyways,  right? And this way you have an out if the party is getting too hectic- you can just say I flew in late and am sleepy. How does that sound?” 

That was a solid plan, how could he say no to that? He hummed in agreement before placing his phone back down, drawing you close, and shutting his eyes for a moment. 

Ever since you entered his life the year after your high school graduations, everything in his life shifted. The immovable force that ran his life- the force so trained on volleyball and success was suddenly derailed ever so slightly. Now there was you; with your random interests, your beautiful smile, your tenderness, your heart. And suddenly life had more meaning; he had a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to get better, a reason to work on aspects of himself outside of his athletic performance. 

A reason to love.

______________________

Hello haikyuu fans who gave me a chance :) I mainly write Star Wars content but ngl being in Tokyo has made me get back into haikyuu lol- little secret I had a “secret” 10k plus anime tiktok acc back when anime tok was trendy in 2020- but dw I wasn’t one of those fans haha// toshi has always been my #1 animated man

Thx for @toshisdecadence for getting me inspired to finally write for toshi :?

[zegrasdrysdale]

Can you write about Nico dating a really famous actress, she is in House of the Dragon and in Dune, and now she is doing the press tour for the movie so she hasn't seen Nico in a while so to surprise him she goes to the stadium series and is at the family skate with him holding hands and being cute the whole time, so Nico is asked about their relationship the press conference after the game and he answered the question being a proud boyfriend, please? I love your writing

[ press pause ] n. hischier

paring : Nico Hischier x fem!reader

summary : after being away for a few months filming and doing press for her projects, (Y/N) surprises boyfriend Nico at family skate before the Stadium Series

warning(s) : one suggestive comment but other than that, cute and fluffy

author’s note : this request has been sitting in my drafts bc i wasn’t very proud of it but i decided to let it see the light of day bc i miss the stadium series. pls lmk what y’all think (the entire press conference is completely made up for the sake of the fic btw)

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She needed a vacation by the time her tour ended in New York City. It’s exhausting doing a multi-month press tour for a show that wasn’t coming out until the summer. She knows she’ll have to go on another one anyway while the season is airing on HBO.

The idea didn’t enter her mind until she saw a billboard on the highway going into New York. It advertises the two NHL Stadium Series games that are happening in a few days.

When the games were announced a few months ago, she was already booked on the press tour for season two of House of the Dragon. Nico wanted her to come to the game against the Flyers but she wasn’t sure if she’d be in the area to go.

Turns out, she is. Since she’s in the area, she decides to surprise her captain boyfriend at family skate.

Cat Toffoli worked closely with a designer to make some jackets for the wives and girlfriends of the players for the Stadium Series. She even made sure to make one with a “13” on it, just in case.

She’s happy that she gets to put the jacket to use since she’s surprising Nico at family skate. Pressing pause on her press tour to support her boyfriend in what’s one of the most important games of his life was the best idea she’s had in a while. It’s been a long time since she has laced up the skates Nico bought her when they first got together during the 2021-2022 season. Tonight seems a good time.

An Uber takes her from her shared apartment with Nico in Hoboken to MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford once she's in something that she can comfortably skate in, which ends up being leggings, a red shirt, and her jacket that Cat had made for her. She grabs one of Nico's beanies out of the endless pile in his closet just in case her head gets cold.

She gets more excited the closer she gets to the football field turned hockey rink. She shakes with excitement when the Uber pulls into the player parking lot.

Cars are parked all over the place. She recognizes most of the cars that are parked. The Devils get the ice tonight for practice and family skate.

With her jacket wrapped tight around her and a duffel bag holding her skates, she heads in the back entrance. She shows her ID to the security guard, who gives her special credentials so everyone knows she’s allowed there and is allowed onto the ice.

She’s already late so she could pull off this surprise. All of the players and their families are out on the ice. With quick feet, she makes her way onto the field. Her duffel bag slung over her shoulder as she rushes to the rink.

As soon as she reaches the bench, someone tells, “Nice of you to join us!” She sits down so she can change into her skates. Jack skates by with a smile on his face. “He’s been hoping that you’d show up.”

Her eyes scan the ice to find her boyfriend. She finally is able to spot him as he skates over to her. Jack skates off and Nico takes his spot.

When her laces are tied, she stands up and Nico helps her over the boards. “You’re here?” he asks as she gains her balance on her skates. “I thought you were traveling today.”

“Decided to press pause so I could be here for you,” she tells him. “Wanted to support my boyfriend after all the supporting you’ve done for me.” Nico flashes his dimpled smile at her.

She takes in his appearance. He’s in full gear with his red practice jersey since they did practice before the families came onto the ice. He has on his Devils beanie with the pompom on top of his head. The eye black he has on his cheeks looks good.

Nico takes her hand and loosely laces their fingers. “I’m glad you came,” he says. “It wouldn’t have been the same if you weren’t here.”

“Your dad and sister came though,” she replies as Nico begins to skate backwards. He pulls her along and she manages to keep her balance by holding his hands. “I’m sure it would’ve been okay if I wasn’t able to come.”

He pulls her closer to him so her chest is pressed against his gear on his chest. Nico’s hands rest on her waist to make sure she doesn’t fall. “You’re the most important person in my life, schatzi,” he tells her. “It wouldn’t have been the same. I promise”

She smiles up at him.

Out of the corner of her eye, he notices all the cameras on the two of them. She’s not even surprised. She’s one of the world’s most known actresses and he’s the captain of the Devils. Reporters are probably getting all the pictures they can get.

Nico doesn't let go of her hand. He makes sure their fingers are locked the entire time she's on the ice.

It's easy to forget the world around her when she skates with Nico. She's so focused on Nico and Nico is so focused on her that it feels like they're the only two people in the world despite multiple pairs of eyes being on them and a bunch of cameras trained on them.

There's only a few minutes left of family skate when Nico decides that it would be a good idea to spin his girlfriend. When she's on the toe pick of her skates, because Nico thought it would be smart to get her figure skating skates, he grabs her hand and spins her around.

"Nico!" she gasps as she spins right into his arms. He wraps his arms around her waist "You can't just do that without warning me. What if I fell?"

He laughs against her ear. "You know I'll always have you," he tells her. "You would think that you'd be able to skate on your own by now."

She shakes her head as Nico kisses the swell of her ear. The smile that forms on her lips is involuntary since she's trying to be mad at Nico. "I don't think you understand that I skate maybe three times a year," she sighs. "My job doesn't involve skating like yours does."

Nico smiles and she looks up at him. "Have I ever told you how good you look on skates?" he asks. "Because this look does it for me. Hope you know that."

With a gentle shove from her, Nico backs away but always makes sure to keep a hand on her so she doesn't fall.

"You are so lucky that I love you," she says to Nico as she carefully turns to face him.

He hums and playfully rolls his eyes before he slides his hands up to cup her cheeks. His fingers are freezing, but she quickly pushes that thought out of her head when Nico pulls her in for a soft kiss. She can't help but smile as she returns the kiss.

It's very rare for Nico to show this type of affection in public let alone at a Devils event. They're both very shy about their relationship when it comes to the public eye, but sometimes a moment overwhelms them and they can't help it.

Like this moment. Center ice on the Stadium Series rink.

She wraps her arms around his waist for a little extra security. The last thing she wants to do right now is fall on her butt. She can hear all the snaps of the cameras the longer their lips are connected.

Nico breaks the kiss and smiles at her. She reaches up and pokes his dimple, which gets a laugh out of Nico.

"Alright, Dimple Lover," he says with a smile. "Let's go. I feel gross and sweaty. I need to shower."

"As long as I can join you if you decide to shower at home."

"We're going home right now."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

From the moment Nico scored on Sam Ersson thirty seconds into the game, she's been on her feet. It set the pace for the rest of the game. The Devils scored two goals every period, and Nico himself scored two goals on the night.

East Rutherford is on fire in the stands. They're cheering. It gets even louder when Nico is being interviewed by Emily Kaplan on a live mic and he says, "Thanks for showing up. It was fucking amazing- sorry."

He has the cutest smile on his face and waves at the crowd around him. The smile she already had on her face grows impossibly bigger.

When Nico heads down the tunnel to get out of his gear, she heads down to stand outside the media room so she can catch Nico before he goes in and does his post-game comments.

She's liking pictures of her and Nico from yesterday on Instagram. She replies to some of her mentions on Twitter. She even posts one of the pictures of her and Nico from yesterday when they were on the ice at family skate. Almost immediately, it begins blowing up on every single social media platform like her posts usually do when she posts Nico.

Minutes after she posts the picture, Nico comes walking down the stairs that lead to the hallway. He's back in Sopranos outfit, sans the jacket. The white tank hugs his body and shows off his arms. The cut he has under his eye completes the look.

Nico spots her before he turns into the media room. He says that he'll be in the room in a second. Then he walks over to his girlfriend.

"Hi, handsome," she says with a smile on her face. "Nice goals. Oh, I like this outfit too."

He leans down and steals a kiss. "Those goals were for you, schatzi," he whispers to her as he tucks her hair behind her ear. "I had to show off for my girl."

She smiles up at him and he mirrors it.

"Nico, we need you in here," someone says. "Nate's ready to go."

Nico nods and looks into the room. "Want to come watch?" he asks. "I'm sure they wouldn't mind."

With a nod, the two of them head into the room.

The reporters buzz as Nico walks up to the table to sit with Nate and she makes her way to an empty seat among the reporters. The woman she sits next to has a moment of panic and realization of who she is as the press conference gets underway.

One of the reporters in the front row asks, "Nate, was that celly after your goal planned?"

Nate laughs and nods. "Yeah, actually," he replies. The reporters in the crowd laugh. "Chris and I sat down and planned out a couple of different cellys just in case either of us scored. I happened to be the one to score, twice."

"Speaking of two goals, Nico," another reporter begins to say. "How do you feel after those goals you scored? Effing amazing?"

Nico smiles. "Yeah, it felt good, without the addition of another word that shouldn't have been said on live television," he replies with a very light laugh. "No, it feels good to score two goals coming off the All Star break. Took some time off, skated and worked on what I needed to, and, uh, I'm ready to have a good second half of the season."

They make eye contact and she smiles at him. One of the reporters notices that Nico's smile has gotten softer. "So, your goals have nothing to do with the fact that your girlfriend was here all weekend?" a third reporter asks.

"The fact that she was able to take time out of her incredibly busy schedule to be here means a lot to me, yeah," Nico says. "Being able to score a couple goals was me telling her that I was happy she was here."

"So it doesn't bother you that her presence this weekend has made multiple headlines and occasionally overshadowed the game?"

Nico scans the crowd and finds the reporter that asked the question. "I have never once thought that her being here this weekend overshadowed the game," he replies. "I am more than happy to have her here. If she makes a view headlines then oh well. She's one of the world's most well known and talented actresses, and I am proud to be her boyfriend. If that means that some of the attention is off of me then okay."

She smiles and bites her bottom lip as she watches Nico while he and Nate finish up the press conference with questions about the game.

One of the things she's always been worried about was completely overshadowing Nico and his career with hers. Now that she knows that he's proud of her accomplishments.

As soon as Nico is done, he makes a beeline right for her. She opens her mouth to say something but Nico quickly cuts her off with his lips. She giggles into the kiss and wraps her arms around his neck.

Cameras click around them but she doesn't care. Neither does Nico if he meant what he said.

"Nico," she laughs as she breaks the kiss. "This is your day. Enough about me. Stop making me a headline by kissing me in front of the cameras."

He smiles. "I don't care," he tells her. "I'll kiss you in front of a million cameras."

She shakes her head and pushes his hair out of his face. "You are insane," she tells him.

"You love it."

"I do."

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MASTERLIST

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[kanmom51]

A walk down memory lane.

I was feeling a little nostalgic today. Perhaps it's me missing the guys, and JM and JK in particular. Perhaps it's me sitting here and thinking about everything that's happened since 2023, culminating in their enlistment together, and now us getting, all at once, this barrage of JM - Jikook - JK content.

All this had me thinking of my own journey in the fandom, and especially here, as Kanmom51 in this little insignificant blog of mine.

The things I've learnt, the friends I've made (lifetime friends for which I have to thank BTS and Jikook in particular for - so thanks guys, love you for who you are and who you have helped me evolve into). It's nice to stop once in a while and ponder about it all.

Next I went diving into the blog a little, to remember when and where I started.

As mentioned in previous posts, I knew of BTS before, but truly discovered them and fell in love with them after basically being forced to watch MOTS ON:E live online concert. That was back in October 2020. Noticed our two and their dynamics and dived right in. Tumblr was a new discovery as well (Twitter/X came much later).

I started out by reblogging other's posts (some blogs don't even exist anymore, some are still around - makes me happy to see those that stuck around - and some I guess either didn't like what I had to say or the other way round, life happens).

What I wanted to share, oh so very randomly, was my very first post.

Now, listen here. I'm writing this without even seeing that first post yet, so it's probably a huge cringe moment, but Idk, I thought it would be fun.

So here we go. My very first stand alone post, written and posted (didn't even know you could keep drafts back then, lol) 31 January 2021:

A little cringe reading that today, lol.

Since then over 8,500 posts written. Many of which I am very proud of.

😊

Thank you all for making this journey with me.

I love you all!!

[tonystarksproperty]

ꜱᴍᴀᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ʙʏ ᴄʜᴀᴍᴘꜱ | ʀ.ʀᴇɪɢɴꜱ & ꜱ.ʙᴀɴᴋꜱ

its 5am sigh..

my friend irl who wants to stay anon wanted me to write smut for these 2. at first i didnt see the hype but after some research, these two own my heart

lmk if this is my calling to write for wrestling

update authors note: IM SORRY IF THE READER IS SASSY, MY FRIEND DIDNT WANT THE READER TO BE BORING YKKKK SDDKJFBKFJ

poc female reader

grab a snack girlies cuz this is kinda long

warnings: 18+ content, sexual tension, fingering, teasing, you being a bad bitch, sasha & roman being annoying, but they're heels so its okay, plus theres fluff, little bit of angst, cursing, wrestling violence. threesome, face-sitting, cunnilingus, aftercare, dom/sub, flirting(?), f/f/m.

*takes place in 2020-2021*

After Survivor Series in 2019, a whole bunch of upcoming superstars debuted on the main roster, you being one of them. You developed such a name and fanbase for yourself, especially after your triple threat match at NXT Takeover. Ever since you were young, you admired wrestling and now you finally had the spotlight you deserved.

You and a few more friends from NXT got drafted to Smackdown, at first you were a bit intimidated, especially after such an epic return from Roman Reigns at Summer Slam 2020 or a crazy betrayal from Sasha Banks to Bayley. But after a year and a half on the main roster, you were finally getting used to it.

You exited Vince McMahon's office and continue to stroll backstage of the WWE Thunderdome. You had just found out that you have a match tonight. A #1 contender's match for the WWE Womens Smackdown Championship against Bianca Belair. You were scheduled to lose. It was rough, you haven't had an opportunity for a title in forever, but business is business. You strolled around the corner and accidentally bumped into someone who seem to be heading for McMahon's office. "Crap, my bad." you apologized before looking up and actually shitting in your pants.

Roman Reigns. Roman Fucking Reigns. And He looked mad pissed. "Shit." you accidentally cursed out loud, meaning to just say that in your head. "You better watch where the hell you're going or there won't be a next time for you in this place." he threatened maliciously. You scrunched your face in anger. Who did he think he was? Paul was to his side, making the most cringiest face you've ever seen. It was hard not to stifle a laugh. However, you scoffed at his threat. "You can't do anything, man. You may be Vince's favorite but that doesn't mean everyone respects you around here. Just ask Kevin Owens." You spat back with a smirk before purposely bumping into Paul then walking the hell away.

You heard Paul grunt when you made contact with him and had the most shocked face ever. "That newbie is getting too comfortable around here." Paul spoke to his tribal chief who was clearly impressed by your remark. "Wiseman." Roman spoke in such a rough tone that caused the stubby man to stand in attention. "Yes, my tribal chief." Paul stammered quickly. "Go get her." Roman said before departing to Vince's office with a small smirk tugging at the side of his plump lips.

You sped walked when you thought were out of sight. Your heart rate definitely increased as well as your blood pressure.

You just told off Roman Reigns.

You just told off ROMAN FUCKING REIGNS.

You opened the women's locker room and closed the door almost immediately. Sighing knowing you were now in a more comfortable atmosphere.

Until you weren't.

"You just always slam doors around here?!"

You sigh before turning your body fully to the woman you had issues with since you got here. Sasha Banks. Her arms were crossed as her right eyebrow rose in the most judgmental way possible. You had no idea what started your "beef", but you never entertained her, maybe that is what the problem is. You're here to wrestle and get your money and not to end her entire career. "Where are the others?" you asked, taking note of the empty locker room and ignoring her stupid comment. "Don't ignore me, bitch! I'm the legit boss—" she said while moving her hands and popping her mouth.

Here she goes again. The wonderful "I'm the legit boss, I'm the Smackdown Women's Champion..." blah blah blah bullshit. "Imma just head to culinary." you interrupted her mid-speech that caused her to open her mouth in shock. "Oh nah, nah, nah, NO! I know you did not just interrupt me. The champ?" She said while getting in your face. She has never done that before. "Oh, my fucking— Bitch, I don't give a fuck what you are!" You yelled back, quickly matching her energy.

Unfortunately, she wasn't expecting you to actually clap back, you never did. "Fuck out my face." you pushed her before swiftly opening the door to the women's locker room and making your way down to culinary. Fuck that bitch, always has something to say when no one says anything. You opened the door and smiled at the sight of your co-workers. Some greeting you with hugs and others with a simple wave. You walked over to where the food was being dished out and grabbed a couple of fruit and some of your favorite cheat-day snacks and put it on a plate.

You noticed Bianca, Kevin, Sami, Nia and Shayna were all sitting at the same table. Bianca waved you over with a gleaming smile. You walked over and snagged a seat to the right of Bianca and left of Kevin. "Girl, did you hear the news about the match tonight?" she asked while taking a bite of her salad. You put on the best smile you could. "Absolutely, girl. Proud of you, you deserve it. Get that damn title f'me, m'kay?" You said while punching her shoulder lightly. "Of course, girl. It's about time that the EST become champ!" she says gleefully. You grinned at her funny expression.

You looked at Kevin who took a drink of his water. You and him were close friends back in NXT before he moved up to the main roster. "What about you? You gonna be the one to finally shut that bitch up for good?" you say while elbowing his side a bit that caused him to chuckle. "Aye! Not too much on my cousin, girl." Nia was quick to say while you flipped her off with a giggle as she did the same.

Right when Kevin was going to say something, a certain stubby man cut him off. "Only someone worthy will "shut" the tribal chief up for good. And I fear that Mr. Owens is not the suitable candidate." Paul says out of nowhere that caused everyone to look at him stank.

He was quick to notice the atmosphere before bending down to your ear. "The Tribal Chief would like to speak with you." he whispered while you looked over at him judgmentally. "Tell him, fuck no." you whispered back while batting your eyelashes at the older man. His eyes widen in a way that almost caused you to laugh. "You're monstrous!" Paul yelled while quickly waddling away.

The group at the table laughed at the short man antics. "Yeah, I get that a lot!" You yelled at him with a giggle before rolling your eyes. "Dang, (name). What does Roman have on you?" Sami asked, genuinely concerned. You just swung your hand as if you were slapping a fly at his comment. "Man, I don't know. Nia's family is crazy." You said while smirking over to Nia who was now rolling her eyes. "Not as crazy as your ex." She remarks slyly before bursting out laughing. You did as well. Nia and you both casted on Total Divas late before you moved back down to developmental for more training.

A bunch of cameramen came in and told everyone the show was starting. You tried your best to hide your disappointment because you wanted to be happy for Bianca, but all you could see was yourself winning the contenders match and finally shutting Sasha up for good, but Bianca always did have heavy hits. You and the ladies walked to the locker room to gear up for tonight's show.

You and Bianca would be closing the show as the main event. It was actually great; it's been a while since women main evented shows on Smackdown ever since Bayley's and Sasha's feud. The main events were just the Bloodline vs Kevin Owens. Not like it really bothered you, it was a pretty good storyline. Now all decked out, you were ready to perform. You and Bianca were standing in the guerilla, waiting for your cues to go out.

You both did your signature handshake and wished each other luck as Vince went over specific rules that were targeted towards you.

Bianca was always sooo smooth and on point in the ring. You sometimes get a bit "passionate" according to Vince and get reckless, even injuring your opponent but you promised to be on your best behavior because Bianca needed to be in perfect health to fight Sasha.

"The following match is scheduled for one fall! It is the #1 contender match for the WWE Smackdown Women's Championship!"

The producers hit Bianca's music and gave her the cue to go out. She high fived you before walking smoothly out of the guerilla.

"Introducing first, From Knoxville, Tennessee: Biaaancaaa Belairrrr!"

"Bianca Belair, definitely an upcoming champion and has the title that everyone is talking about in her sights, what do you think, Corey?"

"Well, Cole. I definitely think that Bianca is one hundred and ten percent champion material, but we shouldn't count out her competition just yet. Everyone in the women's locker room has Bianca in their view as well as the championship, especially her opponent here tonight."

Looking over at the small screen that was held up in the guerilla, you see Bianca doing her signature dance while swinging her braid crazily. You giggled at her foolishness as she got into the ring.

The producers hit your music and gave your cue. Just when you about to walk out, you felt a sharp sting on your ass. You stumbled a bit then catching balance and ready to curse out the person who has no manners. You actually were shocked at the person. Sasha, grinning madly like the crazy person she was while giving you a small wave. You gave her back a scowl.

"(Name), you're on!" one of the producers said, regaining your attention. You sighed before making your way to the curtain. You turn back and looked over at a smirking Sasha. "I'll get you later." you mouthed. "We'll see." she mouthed back. You rolled your eyes before catching Roman walking into the guerilla and standing tall next to Sasha. They both were definitely burning holes through your head.

Creepy. You thought.

You walked out and did your signature entrance, trying to shake off the haters. Literally.

"And her opponent, from (hometown), (state). The Essence: (Wrestler Name)!"

"Now let's talk about the Essence, guys. (Wrestler name) has always proven to be one of the best WWE Superstars throughout her entire WWE career with her dedication and creative moves."

"I know that's right, Cole! Go whoop her (BLEEP), (Wrestler Name)!"

"Pat, get off the table!"

"Something tells me Bianca isn't going to hold back on (Wrestler Name) because they're friends."

You were given a good pop; you were sure that's how the online viewers knew you were bound to lose.

Now that you and Bianca were in the ring. It was time for the timekeeper to ring the bell. You and Bianca shook hands before backing into specific corners of the ring, waiting for the bell. The ring-announcer stepped down from the ring and towards the steps.

You and Bianca both looked confused because the bell never rung. Instead, a familiar entrance came onto the speakers and captivated the whole arena into cheers and some boos. You rolled your eyes as Sasha did her beat drop dance and strutted towards the ring.

You could just tell this was her idea that Vince approved on since absolutely no one told you or Bianca.

"I guess we have some company tonight. Making her way down the ramp towards the commentary table is the Smackdown's Women's Champion herself: Sasha Banks!"

"Smart move from the champ. Scouting out the competition, calculating the impressive moves and skills of these two ladies who can be qualified to win a title shot."

The bell rung. Bianca ran at you with full speed; you were dazed by Sasha strutting to the commentary table that your got slammed into the turnbuckle. You held your head, collecting your vision as Bianca hoisted you up, preparing for a vertical suplex. You jumped off and hit her with a knee jab.

"Sasha, welcome! Any thoughts on these two ladies who are competing for a title shot at your championship?"

"You know, Cole. These two don't scare me. Whether it's Bianca or (Wrestler Name), no one can beat the legit boss."

"I got to ask, Sasha. You posted a tweet out, targeting (Wrestler Name) on Twitter, and I quote "Don't be mad that you're not the one." Can you elaborate on that?"

"Now, I'm not sure if you heard, Cole, but (Wrestler Name) been coming for the boss ever since her debut. I don't even know what I did but no matter what I always finish it."

You had Bianca in the head lock as you both leaned towards the ropes that was the closest to the commentary table, you overheard what she said, getting pissed and distracted quickly. Bianca took the opportunity and pushed you to the ropes across and slammed into you and went for the pin that you quickly kicked out of.

You see Bianca slam onto the mat in anger while you were still stunned. You were letting yourself get distracted by Sasha that you totally forgot about the match. Even if you were destined to lose, you definitely should've been on your game. You quickly stood back to your feet and hit Bianca with a back to back clotheslines, leaping to the rope and performing a perfect neck breaker.

"Look at the Essence showing some dominance in this matchup!"

You looked over at Sasha and walked over to the ropes near commentary and pointed at her title. "Your title is mine!" you screamed while setting up for your finisher. Little did you know, Sasha got up from commentary and grabbed your ankle from the apron, slamming you down face first onto the mat. It happened so fast; you couldn't even protect your face for the impact.

Fuck. That actually fucking hurt. You thought

"Looks like the Boss already knows who she wants to face."

You quickly got up and exchanged a screaming session with Sasha that you didn't see Bianca pull you into a roll up.

"Shoulders down! 1, 2, 3!"

"Looks like we know whose going after the title for sure."

"I call hacks! The essence was ready to end this matchup!"

You sat back in the middle of the mat as Bianca's music played throughout the arena. You furiously pulled yourself together before staring blankly at the champion who was smirking proudly. You needed to get the hell out of there before you really sock a bitch.

You rolled out of the ring and walked up the ramp to the guerilla to allow a quick segment between Sasha and Bianca to emerge.

You pulled the curtain to be greeted by Vince McMahon who looked very apologetic. "Why didn't you say something?! I could've atleast prepared myself." you asked while putting both hands on your hips to prevent you from hitting your boss. "Sasha thought it could add more to the storyline and it was a last-minute decision. But you killed it out there, kid! Keep it up!" he said while patting your shoulder then going back behind the one of the production screens. You rolled your eyes annoyingly before walking towards the women's locker room.

Of fucking course it was Sasha, convincing Vince it was a "storyline" that girl actually hated your guts. She never let you forget it. As you walked the halls, a handful of your coworkers congratulated you on an impressive match. Naomi says the storyline was very convincing, well if only she known. By the time you made it to the entrance of the locker room, Heyman was there with a sadistic smile. You approached him unfortunately. "Excuse me." you said somewhat politely, wanting to grab your things so you could leave for the night.

However, Paul just stood there, almost like a robot. "Paul, move. I need to grab my shit." you said again, clearly pissed off at the match you just had. He jumped slightly at your change of attitude before nodding his head no. "The tribal chief would like to see you, now." Paul spoke while adjusting his collar. You crossed your arms. "Oh, my fucking—fine! If gets you to stop fucking following me everywhere, shit!" you said while stomping towards the other side of the hall.

Since Roman was one of Vince's favorites and 'the' champ, he got his own exclusive locker room in the ThunderDome. Everyone knew where it was, since it was the biggest damn room in the dome. You stood in front of the door as Paul opened it, letting you in and quickly closing it. There he was. Sitting man-spread on one of the leather chairs staring up at the screen. On the screen displayed a replay about the terrible match you just had.

You cleared your throat. But he didn't acknowledge you. "Listen man, if you're going to give me the silent treatment, I can just take my ass out of here." you spat, clearly fed up with everyone and their antics today. His gaze traced over to you, and it sent chills down your spine. His piercing-like gaze was so intimidating to you, especially with those beautiful chocolate eyes. "Don't get mad at me because you loss your match." he said bluntly while staring back at the screen.

You rolled your eyes and turned towards the door until it opened, revealing Sasha. "Now what, bro?!" you screeched, you've had enough of her today. "You're so mad at a match you knew you weren't going to win. Unlike me, I always win." Sasha said while running her eyes down your body. It almost made you gag. "Alright, laugh it up for now. We both know that title is gonna be mine sooner than later." you countered, you were now the one smirking.

She scowled before trailing her eyes down your ring attire. "You stepped your ring game up, I see. Wasn't sure you could've pulled anything off since you're always hiding all the time." she smirked while tracing her fingernails over your left breast top that composed of your wrestler name. "You 'callin me sexy, champ?" you smirked, hoping to out-cringe her, but to your shock she just closed the distance and stepped closer, her face just centimeters away from yours. "And other things." she whispered while playing with your jawline.

You were actually getting flustered. How did this chick have such an effect on you? You backed up a bit. "Okay, girly. It's all fun and games until you start something you can't finish." You backed up a bit more, only for your back to run into a broad wall. "Oh, I definitely can't," Sasha admitted before smirking over at you seductively. You turn your head back to look up over at the Head of the Table himself. "But I can." Roman said, in a low, monotone voice that definitely made your thighs press together instinctively.

You turn your full body around to face him. Trying to gather words and comprehend what the fuck was going on? These two had to be joking, it must be national fuck around with (name) day or something. "Oh..." was all that you could murmur from your lips. This caused Sasha to giggle abruptly while Roman smirked at your sudden confusion. "That's all you have to say? 'Oh.' Maybe 'Yes, champs.' Come on, girly. Speak now or we could just pretend this never happened." Sasha said almost shamelessly while dragging you to one of the couches while massaging your sore joints.

Fuck, she was making you choose.

Your lip quivered as your struggled to get words out. You were forced to leaned back against the leather couch as Sasha soon began kissing your neck roughly. "Fuucck..." you moaned out lowly, as her lips worked magic against you. "Shit, that was actually hot." she whispered against your skin while her lips lightly grazed over yours. You were so focused on Sasha, you didn't notice Roman kneeling down before you, his colossal yet calloused hands gripping your knees, forcing you to present yourself.

His eyes pierce your soul as you gripped the leather beneath you. Struggling to find self-control in this situation. "Answer her." he commanded while taking a bite of your right inner thigh that caused you to tense up. "Uhm..yes..." you answered but your voice was barley a whisper from the embarrassment. "Yes who?" Sasha murmured against your earlobe before harshly sucking your sweet spot.

You lips closed again; it was so degrading. To submit to them. But your mind wondered intrudingly of the wonders of what the night would be like if you did submit to them. It took another bite on your other inner thigh by Roman to get you back to your senses. "Time is ticking. Look at him, you're making him wait." Sasha began yet again, moving your foot to Roman's apparent boner, pushing pressure down on it. Fuck, he's big, but those pants really needed to come off. He grunted a bit and glared at Sasha in slight annoyance.

You wondered if they ever hooked up.

You moved your head and averted your gaze away from them, this was actually embarrassing for you but so normal for them. "Yes, champs." you muttered before hiding your face on the cold leather of the couch. "Man...all that buildup is so dramatic." Sasha says while rolling her eyes while Roman unties your ring boots. You were now the one glaring at her. She smirked before grasping the back of your head, entrancing her fingers within your scalp and pulled you into a very long yet rough kiss. By the time Roman was done with your ring boots, he took off your socks while planting loving kisses down your calves to the brink of your ankles, soon to your polished toenails.

You shivered from his contact as you continued to fight Sasha for dominance, but she had already gotten the upper hand. She finally took her mouth off of yours before smirking with traces of your saliva on the side of her mouth. "Looks like I win." she states while wiping her mouth. "Everything is a competition with you...." you muttered while turning your attention to Roman who was surprisingly being gentle with you. You reached down to touch his beautiful locks, but his eyes shifted from your smooth legs up to you. You hesitated but something about his eyes gave you a look of assurance as you massaged his head.

You looked over at Sasha who just continuously stared. "I don't get it." you started as Roman began planting kisses on your other calve. "You two are assholes to me. What changed your minds?" you asked while removing your hand from Roman and returned to your lap. Sasha shrugged. "I don't know. Just to get your attention." she answered while pressing a kiss to your knuckle. "You can get my attention by being nice and not a dick, you know." you answered while taking your hand back with a rough demeanor. This caused Roman to laugh. "Where's the fun in that?" he asked while standing to his feet, towering over you and Sasha.

Sasha stood up right next to him with crossed arms. "What are yall 'thinkin...?" you asked hesitantly, almost intimidated by the glint in their eyes. They both exchanged glances before turning their attention back at you. Sasha pulled you to feet and soon switched your positions, so she was sitting. "Just give this a chance. Let the champs take care of you tonight." she implied while giving another smack to your ass that caused you to jump. "Stop doing that!" you barked as you turned to her. "She's right. Just for tonight." Roman repeated in your ear that sent chills down your spine.

Good chills.

You sighed while nodding slowly. Roman gently set you down in the middle of Sasha's legs as she spread on the material in front of you. "I usually do foreplay but tonight can be special." Sasha began as Roman began to remove your ring gear. "I doubt you even know what foreplay is, champ." you snickered before looking over at Roman. You were actually amazed on the gentleness the 'Tribal Chief: Head of the Table' was showing for you. When you became bare to them, Sasha couldn't help but lick her dry lips. "Put her on top of me, Roman. I know you're dying over there." Sasha says as Roman quickly set you on top of Sasha. "Shit, am I crushing you?" you asked, scared of hurting her. "Girl, I'm perfectly fine. I'd die happily behind this body." she says while gripping your jaw to face her and soon taking your lips back into hers as her hands explored your now naked body.

You noticed Roman itched closer, dangerously close to the valley of your legs that was covered with various love bites from him. He looked up at you in some sort of assurance that it was okay. You gave him a small nod since Sasha hadn't let go of your jaw. Your legs found themselves on his shoulders as Roman literally almost dragged you off of Sasha and let his tongue lick a stripe against your clit. You took Sasha out of your mouth as a loud moan slipped out. Roman gripped your hips and dragged you closer to his mouth as his tongue began ravishing you. "Fuck, Roman. Slow the fuck down!" you stammered in between moans, clearly not used to such intrusion. "I'm surprised he's not being more savage. Guess that means he likes you a lot." Sasha said her hands cupped your breast and began playing with your nipples.

You leaned your head back against Sasha's shoulder as she smirked over at your overwhelmed state. "Fuckk..." you moaned again, curling your toes as Roman's tongue felt soo damn good. Sasha hands soon went lower down your body and soon began rubbing your clit as Roman continued to eat you out. "Mpfhhhh..." you moaned while placing a fist over your mouth to hold your moans in. Nobody needed to know you guys were doing this. "You like this, huh? Letting the champs take care of you?" she teased, making you glare at her with a very annoyed side stare.

Your other hand instantly went over to Roman's head, in attempt to push him away as you approached your high. "If you don't...stop..." you merely spoke as you continuously let your champs have complete control of your body and its pleasure. "Looks like she's boutta blow, Rome." Sasha said she continued to swirl her fingers over your now overstimulated clit. After one long lick, Roman removed his mouth with a one sexy ass grin on his features. Right when were about to cum. "You guys...are no fun." you spoke breathlessly, almost pissed of not getting a long-awaited orgasm.

Sasha giggled before taking her fingers on a stripe across your pussy and bringing it her mouth. "Did you really think you were gonna cum without your champs?" she asked slyly while placing you off of her and began removing her clothes. You rolled her eyes at her comment before yet again turning your attention to Roman who went over to his bag and grabbed one singular condom.

You finally connected the dots. "You freaks planned this?!" you screeched while soon erupting in laughter. These horny 'champs' really needed a plan to seduce you? And did it by being assholes? "Laugh it up." Roman says while letting a small smile tug his lips. Sasha just rolled her eyes in embarrassment. You let Roman bring you to your knees in front of Sasha who was smirking like a jerk. "Heyyy." she teased while you were embracing her naked body.

How can someone be sexy as hell and annoying as hell? You thought

You heard a belt buckle behind you, now Roman was stripping. This caused both you and Sasha to be mesmerized by the beauty of this god-like Samoan. You just want to bite his muscles. "Jesus, your family genes are insane to me." she comments, taking in his built and muscular body. He just shrugged it off the best way he could, in reality, he was flushed that you both were attractive him.

He popped open the condom and put it on. "Ready for me, baby girl?" he asked spreading your legs wider. You inhaled sharply. You could feel him poking your thigh and fuck he feels huger than before. "I'm glad it's you and not me." she says while staring at his length in slight shock. "I'm going to be gentle." he says as he narrows his eyes at Sasha's bluntness. "No." you said that caused them both to look at you in shock. "I want it. I want you both to go nuts." you said bluntly. Your mind was truly clouded by built up lust. All that tension between these two definitely made you change your perspective on them. "Fuck, that was hot." she states while pulling your head down to her clit.

Roman didn't wait for you to react. He spread your folds and swiftly slammed himself into you harshly. He grunted and felt his body quivered from your tightness. "Fucckk, babygirl. You're tight as fuck.." he groans while thrusting into you as if you were the last fuck he'll ever have. You licked a stripe on her bare pussy before kissing her clit and sucked on her folds that coated with her slick. Sasha arched her back as she gripped your hair tightly. Roman's powerful thrusts literally pushed your body more against Sasha's.

You said you wanted them to be rough, not rough and fast.

He was quick to change his pace and sped up. The sound of both of your hips meeting was falling death within your ears as Sasha's toes curled from your tongue. "You're doing great, girly." she cooed, knowing it would make you speed your movements more. Everyone had a praise kink in some way. "Better than great." Roman added on that caused you to tighten your walls around his girth. This was a signal that you were ready to finally cum. "Not yet." he demands, you groaned in disappointment around Sasha's clit that's caused her to tighten her grip on your hair more. Roman noticed this and you earned a very harsh slap to your right asscheek. "Don't get bratty with me." he threatens.

You quickly fall in line. If this is how he is rough, you could imagine how he is brat taming, but that would be hot as hell. "Shit, I'm close." Sasha says while letting her moans come out her mouth shamelessly. You were actually glad your moans were silent, no one had to know you were here. Roman's brutal pace sped up too damn quickly, you swore he ripped something from within you. "Shit, cum. Cum right fucking now." he commanded. And so, you did. Sasha spasmed all her juices onto your tongue as Roman fixed your arch as he let himself spill into the condom.

You sighed before removing your mouth from Sasha's pussy. You looked drained; they really did a number on you. Roman pulled out and literally fell back on the floor and laid there for a good minute. Sasha looked back down at you a small smirk. Your face was coated with her essence and your salvia mixed together. She grabbed her shirt and wiped your face with it. "What now?" she asked, looking down at the man who was calming down from his high. He shrugged before fixing his hair. "How about a round two? At his hotel." you suggested that caused them both to look at you in shock again. "This time, I lead." you stated firmly, this caused Sasha to shake in excitement, she loved your dominant nature.

She nodded. "Sounds great to me." she agreed. You both looked over at the man who looked like he was gonna fall asleep. "Just give me five minutes." he said and soon fell into slumber. "Damn, I fucked him up." you said while looking over at a grinning Sasha. "Probably the best pussy he ever had." she said while dapping you up before pulling you up next to her as your sweaty bodies cuddled against each other.

This would be a long night.

credz to @/tonystarkproperty

[jimhines]

2022 Writing Income

It’s that time again – for fifteen years now I’ve been writing an annual blog post about my income as a writer. Money tends to be an uncomfortable, even taboo topic, but I think it’s important to help counter the myths that we’re all multimillionaires living in Glass Onion-style mansions. (Side note: If anyone wants to pay millions of dollars for my book, I’ll happily update this blog post from my private island mansion.)

Remember, every writer’s career is different, and I’m only one data point.

Prior Years: Here are the annual write-ups going back to 2007: 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021.

In 2016, instead of a personal income write-up, I did a survey of almost 400 novelists about their income.

My Background: I’m a primarily “traditionally published,” U.S.-based SF/F author with 15 books in print from major New York publishers. The first of those books came out from DAW in 2006. I have an agent, and have been with them since about 2004.

I’ve self-published a middle grade fantasy and a few short collections. I’ve also sold about 50 short stories to different magazines and anthologies.

I’ve never hit the NYT or USA Today bestseller lists.

I’m currently the sole parent of a teenager (at home) and a 22-year-old (at college). I have a day job that’s just over half-time, both for the paycheck and the benefits.

2022 in Summary: There’s no gentle way to say this. The last several years have kind of sucked. Losing my wife to cancer in 2019 completely derailed my writing. I was hoping 2022 would be a comeback year, but life had other plans…

I did write and sell two new short stories and one nonfiction piece, which was nice. I’ve got a finished middle grade book that’s been on submission for a while. I finished a standalone fantasy that’s been sitting with my publisher for a while.

Normally, my editor is pretty quick about responding, but last year wasn’t normal for DAW, either. DAW was acquired by Astra House. A lot of their time and energy went into that deal. I’m hoping for the best, but things still haven’t settled into the new “normal.”

Last year did see the release — finally — of Terminal Peace, the third book in the Janitors of the Post-Apocalypse series. I’m thrilled and relieved to see that book in print, but it came out right in the middle of the Astra House acquisition, which may have impacted things like promotion and publicity.

I also finished the first draft and started revising a new standalone middle grade fantasy with series potential.

2022 Income: The biggest check was the publication payment for Terminal Peace. All total, before taxes and various expenses, the writing brought in $13,957.16. While that’s absolutely nothing to sneer at, and I’m grateful for the success, it’s also a dropoff from the past couple of years. To be blunt, if you look at the cumulative graph, things have been slumping a bit.

Income Breakdown:

Patreon has been a small but steady and helpful source of income. My thanks to everyone for that!

As usual, my U.S. novels are the biggest piece of the pie. The short fiction category is a bit higher this year, thanks to those two new stories. I didn’t self-publish anything new in 2022, but if that middle grade book doesn’t sell, I’d like to publish that one later this year.

Novels (U.S. editions): $8,542.83

Novels (Non-U.S. editions): $473.25

Self-Published: $1158.24

Short fiction: $892.86

Audio: $521.04

Patreon: $1668.94

Other: $700

I mentioned earlier that things have been in a bit of a slump, and I need to focus on breaking out of that. Some things I can’t currently control. Tomorrow I could wake up to an offer from DAW on the book they’ve got, and maybe an email from my agent that the middle grade title he’s been shopping around went to auction and got a six-figure advance. But I can’t make these things happen.

Priority #1 is to keep writing. If I’m not doing that, other goals are pretty much moot.

Priority #2 is to figure out some alternate options. It may be time to put more time and effort into self-publishing as a complement to my traditionally published work.

The biggest thing making me anxious is that I’m pretty much out of contract. The paperback of Terminal Peace comes out this year, but for the first time in about 15 years, I don’t have the security, the luxury, or the deadlines of a signed contract. In some ways, this is freeing: I can write whatever I want. But there’s no guarantee as to when things will see print. Submitting to the traditional publishers is a long, slow process…

From talking to other writers who’ve been doing this a while, I’ve learned that pretty much every career has its ups and downs. Personal, pandemic, and publisher issues have been a bit of a perfect storm for me these past few years, but I’m not going anywhere. After 27 years as a writer, I’m excited to see what comes next.

Wrap Up:

I hope this has been helpful. As always, feel free to share the post and/or ask questions.

[pa1nkill3r]

Day 2,557 [G.W]

[Pairing:] George Weasley x GN!Reader

[Summary:] A boy comes into the joke shop with his mother; It felt all too weird for the one-eared owner to feel so at ease, something he never felt for the past 7 years.

[Warnings:] angst, sad, major character death (not Fred obv), reincarnation, grief, mourning, swearing

[a/n:] Scrolling through facebook and getting videos of children talking about their past lives really intrigued me. This is my first fic and it might be bad so please don’t bully me, I’m sensitive <3 (jkjk but I am open for constructive criticism!)

[a/n; March 2024] I wrote this draft back in 2021 or 2022 I believe, waiting desperately for the opportunity to finish and post this. That time never came. Now, 2 or 3 years later, I gravely admire my vocabulary, creativity, and passion for writing back then. Honestly speaking, moving schools killed my spark and I am desperate to get it back. For now, I am working on reviving that spark within me by going back to where I started. Even though the HP fandom isn't as active as it used to be, I would still like to share this piece I made because I am so, so proud of my younger self.

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There was something about Y/N wearing white that George loved so much. He always got so giddy and cute which in turn made their eyes roll and mouth grin.

The way Y/N looked sitting at the Great Hall with their white sleeves rolled to their elbows, one hand under their chin and the other twirling a spoon while their eyes dragged along their charms textbook, cramming in as much information as they could for the upcoming test that afternoon. 

Or that time at the Yule Ball when they thought it’d be funny to wear an all white ensemble because: “What?...I wanted to feel like a bride at their wedding.” whilst having the best night with George, their “groom”.

Even small moments like when they would steal a shirt from George’s drawer and wear it to sleep. He loved every single bit of it, even if it cost him many shirts.

He truly never got enough of them wearing white. So seeing them in a casket wearing that same color 7 years ago, looking so peaceful and so… dead. That killed him. That’s the last time he will see them in white; That’s the last time he’s going to see them at all. 

That was the last time he could actually feel their hand rather than just dried oil on linen canvas, framed in oak and hung atop his bed. How he wished their eyes could roll one more time at how stupidly in love their boyfriend is with them, especially in white.

Voldemort’s reign of terror had ended, as well as the lives of many others, and maybe even George. They were a horcrux he never made, his life force created by deep love and affection rather than the hunger for immortality.

It never got easier even after 7 years, he simply just got used to it. 

He got used to the feeling of an empty bed. He got used to gripping onto a cold body pillow instead of a warm figure and a heartbeat with Y/H/C hair disturbing his lips. He got used to counting the days since their death which gravely disturbed Fred, his twin. He got used to waking up everyday and checked off a box from the calendar with an absurd amount of numbers on it. 

Admittedly he is doing better than he did 7 years ago. No more jumping from every small sound and drawing out his wand in the middle of the night. No more vivid dreams of several dead bodies laid across the Great Hall. No more crying himself to sleep. No more missed dinners. No more grieving. 

He’s longed for them longer than he has actually been with them. But his love never faltered. Not once. 

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Day 2,557

It's now exactly 7 years since the Battle of Hogwarts. And in a month it would be the 7th anniversary of his obituary for Y/N on the Daily Prophet, a suggestion made by Percy to try and help his grieving brother. It helped, but not really. 

The small May 2nd, 2005 box wrote “Baby Vic’s Birthday!” in bold red ink. George moved the yellow paper star that stuck gently onto the calendar with paper tape as Fred walked into his room. Envelope in his hands, bread between his teeth, and a beautiful haughty looking owl on his shoulder.

“Fun to finally see you up, Georgie!” Fred greeted sarcastically as George hummed in response. “Bill just sent an owl that little Vicky’s turning 5!"

"That is usually how birthdays work, Freddie." George joked, grabbing his wand and with a flick, his bed is magically fixed. "I'm not a dumbass, you know?" Fred chuckled lightly as he handed George the letter from Bill and Fleur, "They're hosting a party for her at the Burrow at 5."

He took the piece of parchment and flattened it by his desk before pulling it closer to his face, his back mindlessly pinning itself to the wall. 

Dear Fred and George, 

Bill here, As you should know, it's baby Victoire's 5th birthday today and we would really like love to have you two come by the Burrow at 5 pm. 

Vic really misses you both. Uncle George this, Uncle Fred that. She’s going to be like you two one day, I’m tellin’ ya. She loves listening to stories you tell her, especially the ones about Y/N and Tonks. She thinks that they’re the coolest people ever and that she wished she could meet them. I simply told her that one day she would, but it’ll be far far away from now. 

Hope to see you later! Please owl back immediately, Vic’s got Ginny’s temper.

xx Bill

“I’ve already owled them my ‘happy birthday’ letter before Chouette came.” Chouette, the owl cooed at the mention of her name. Slightly shuffling her feathers therefore lightly tickling Fred's neck, making him shiver. The haughty owl flew from Fred's shoulder to George's making the younger twin chuckle. 

"Seems like Chouette is telling you to take a bath, mate." George laughed as the back of Fred's hand flew to his forehead. "I got us crepes and bread for breakfast! And you go on and call me stinky?" Fred exclaimed dramatically. 

"How 'bout you be a dear and write to Bill and Fleur that we are going to Vic's party, alright?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do that." George agreed, taking out a roll of parchment from his desk drawer as well as a quill and a bottle of ink. "While I eat my breakfast and write this, will you be a dear and take a bath!" Fred cackled at his younger brother's statement. Though in a bit the sound of water dropping down the shower head echoed through the small flat above the shop.

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School owls poured in as numerous Hogwarts students wanted to take advantage of the annual “54% off ‘End of War’ sale” at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes held in memory of the fallen 50. Because in Fred and George’s philosophy, “...We might not be able to save them, but they can save our customers over 50% off of all our products!”

It seemed insensitive but it’s the thought that counts. They wanted to make sure that their passing didn’t go to waste, even if it is counted as a discount to the famous Diagon Alley shop. 

Mr. Weasley and Mr. Weasley were rather busy picking up and shipping out their joke products, sending it to the owls who were perched up in a little area at the back of the store, nibbling on insects Verity; a part of their staff had handed them before sending them back to the school her bosses previously dropped out of. 

It was nearing lunch time when everyone wearing magenta robes stocked up the shelves again, having been sending out owls since 8 in the morning when they heard a clanging from the front doors, signaling that a customer had finally came; A middle aged woman looked starstruck whilst holding onto a young boy that’s slowly getting out of her grip, having the same eagerness as his mother.

It wasn’t unusual for customers to react this way coming into the Weasley’s joke shop. The boy’s eyes sparkled while the mother looked in admiration. The mother crouched down to hold onto her son, keeping him from running while his mouth spilled with words. 

“Mum, we have to get something for Mia!” the boy cried out eagerly, eyes darting towards every single corner of the store. George’s mouth upturned into a sloppy grin whilst listening to the boy. 

“Marty, that’s sweet of you, but we already got the quill she wanted.” The mother said quietly, running her hands over the boy’s shoulders, easing it. “And it’s your birthday...” George didn’t know what came after that as he took the chance and walked towards the small family with a big smile on his face, quickly followed by Fred. 

“Heard it’s a little man’s birthday.” inclined George, hands in his pockets and head down turned. The mother looked up and stood from her spot, giggling slightly as she kept a hold of her son’s shoulders. “What’s your name?” he asked, now being the one to crouch down in front of the boy.

The boy tilted his head to the side, eyes slightly strained. He looked both confused and hyper focused at the same moment. Though weird, George thought nothing of it. After all, he was a kid, the man he’s looking at has one ear, and the hyperfixation was quickly ended by the slight shake of his shoulders. The mother looked down at her son, silently telling him to introduce himself. And so he did. 

"I'm Martin! I turn 6 today!" the boy said enthusiastically,bringing a smile on George's face. Being around Martin felt odd, it felt so unapologetically peaceful and rather… familiar. 

"SIX?!" Fred loudly piped in. "Well now that's big, little man!" 

The mother was slightly startled by the appearance of the ginger's twin, though the same cannot be said about Martin who simply smiled absentmindedly. 

"I knew you before." said Martin, eyes targeting the younger twin. George smiled and kept close to the boy, keeping the conversation going. "Really?" he asked with vivid curiosity, he did not recognise the boy or his mother but fueling a child's imagination wouldn't hurt anyone. 

"How?" piped in Fred, now also crouching beside his twin, "And why just him?" he asked comedically, pointing to his brother. 

"Since we were 11." Answered Martin with no signs of struggle on his face. The red haired owners looked at each other, though more in disbelief than in confusion. 

"Thought you said you were 6, Martin?" George asked with a kind look on his face. The boy’s mother shook her son’s shoulder harder than she did the past few times, mumbling “Marty, what did I tell you?” in tired disbelief.

“M’sorry mum.” Martin said with a pinch of sincerity before turning back to face the bigger man in front of him. “I was 20 before I became 6.” “Marty.”

Chilling, the owners thought. As they were 20 at the time of the battle of Hogwarts. 

“I’m so sorry Mr.--”

“Weasley.” Fred replied as the confusion simmered throughout his twin brother. “S’really nothing to worry about Mrs.--?”

“Edevane. But I truly am sorry, he’s just a very imaginative little kid. Always has stories of his quote-unquote ‘past life’.“ she explained, making the kid become a bit mad. “But mum, it’s true!-”

“Marty, how about we look around the store, alright? Mr. and Mr. Weasley could show us around perhaps?” Mrs. Edevane hinted to the twin owners, relief gracing their legs as they were now able to stand on their feet. 

“Yes, we can certainly do that! Come along Marty, tell us more about this ‘past life’ of yours.” Fred’s arm wrapped around the small boy’s shoulders, showing him around the color filled shop. “Sorry about that Mrs. Edevane.” he added mischievously, “Here at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, we like to encourage creativity and imagination.”

“--As it is the reason we got here.” George finished, giving Mrs. Edevane a kind smile as they start roaming around the shop. “Uhh. Mr. Weasley.” Her fingers tapped onto George’s shoulder. His head whipped around and mouth about to open when suddenly the 6 year old spoke; “Mum, Mr. Weasley’s name is George. This one’s Fred.”

The utter shock that went through the twin wizards was clear as day. No where in the shop did it say the owner’s names. Even their name tags; The little badge pinned on their suits merely wrote ‘Mr. Weasley’. Fred, being the initiator that he is, leaned forward. “Now how can you be so sure, Marty?” he teased, “What if I tell you that you’re wrong?”

Martin simply smiled, angling his head a bit to the side again. “Mr. George has a longer face, down turned eyes and eyebrows, he’s a bit taller than you, Mr. Fred. You have a squarer face and shorter features than him.” he explained smoothly and innocently. As if it’s something he’s observed over the course of his whole life.

“Ma’am, I’m afraid your son’s a genius.” George joked, even if he’s visibly disturbed, though nonetheless intrigued. Nobody has ever differentiated them this way, even their own mother. Though one person did. The one he cherished most. The mother smiled, holding onto her son once again. 

“I’m no genius.” Martin spoke, a shy smile gracing his small little lips, so identical to the person’s portrait above George’s bed. He even said their typical response to their mind being praised. 

“-- I just quietly observe.”

Martin spoke but George merely whispered. A shiver ran through his spine, heart pumping, cold sweat dripping from his forehead. It could’ve all been a coincidence. One big coincidence served on a silver platter, garnished with confusion and terrifying accuracy. 

“Mr. Weasley?”

He snapped back, giving the woman a sign to continue. “Uh, I just wanted to ask... err. Why that big of a discount? Why is it 54% off of everything? That doesn’t really sound like a good marketing strategy, doesn’t it?” She asked curiously. 

“Well Mrs. Edevane.” George started, seeing as Fred and little Martin were still going around the shop. “Remember the last wizarding war?” Mrs. Edevane shook her head. His smile faltered a bit but still kept his composure. “We’re, what you call it? Muggle--born?” Her eyebrows furrowed while her teeth sinked into her bottom lip. “Well, my daughter... err. Just started her first year and that McGonagall woman said that she’s a ‘muggleborn’.” 

They truly didn’t know who they are.

“-- What I’m trying to say, Mr. Weasley, is that we, or at least I, am not magical. Nor is my husband.” He nodded, breathed in a bit as his mind tried to ease itself. The boy couldn’t have known who he is as they wouldn’t have known anything about the prophet, or could they?

“Well, Mrs. Edevane. 7 years ago at this date. The second wizarding war has ended. My brother-in-law defeated... him.” It was still hard to say his name, even years later. “V-Voldemort.”

She looked curious but silently let him continue. “Uh, remember when. Uh-uhm that bridge collapsed in muggle london? 7-8 years ago? A big hurricane happened? When a lot died like-” It was hard to explain. Truly. It was hard to live through it again.

“Like that Emmeline Vance lady?”

“Yes, exactly!” He exclaimed. “It was all caused by him. By wizards! Dark wizards!” Her previously bright face now looked horror struck. It was all making sense. “Seven years ago, this day. Everything ended at Hogwarts. As well as the lives of 54 on our side.” He wanted to mention one very special loss, but figured that she doesn’t need to know about it. She was just a muggle mother who brought her son birthday shopping. “We wanted to commemorate them.”

A sincere look graced upon her face, out of pity. “Is there any chance that you’ve seen anything from the ‘Daily Prophet’, Mrs. Edevane? Or your son?” He asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence. She shook her head, now gracing a look with pure confusion. “A-Anything. Like a paper? A newspaper with moving photographs? Or maybe a-a Quibbler?”

She shook her head. “Why’re you asking Mr. Weasley?” His mouth opened, about to burst out his concerns and held in grief to a complete stranger when; “George!”

It was Fred, hand resting on his twin’s shoulder as the six year old boy beside him just stood. “-- Can I talk to you? I need to talk to you.” He said, fright gracing his features and panic in his voice. 

George nodded, bidding a quick goodbye to the mother and son who came in a few moments ago and calling for one of their faculty to give them the tour they wanted.

Fred pulled his twin to an empty corner of the shop. Sound muffled by the stacks of products ranging from fireworks to extendable ears. “That boy George.” Fred panted. Voice shaking. “He knows too much. Is there a chance that you put anything about how Y/N saved me?”

“Briefly. Why?” His heart was about to pop out of his chest at any moment. Any moment now his heart would be a new WWW product. 

“He explained everything! Everything George! Knew things that he shouldn’t have!” Fred said, terrified. “What did he say?” asked George. Croaking out whatever’s left in his heaving lungs. 

“He said that he saved me. Me and Percy! From the explosion! I didn’t think much of it at first, George! I knew that you wrote that in their obituary. But he just kept going.” Frightened. They were both frightened. “Everything they did. He knew.”

“How accurate was he?”

“Very. George. Disturbingly accurate.” Back straightened and composed, Fred stood back, eyes darting back and forth from his brother to the entrance of the shop. “He knew that they transfigured the rubble to sand. He knew that they cast that ring of fire shit they did. The diabolica thing to ward off the death eaters? Yeah. He named the spell. HE NAMED THE SPELL, GEORGE!”

“I heard you the first time!” George yelled back. Disturbed, yet he felt at peace. He could have the last goodbye he’s always wanted. “We need to talk to the boy, Fred.”

His twin nodded fervently, about to walk away from the corner when he felt an arm tug on his elbow. “Oi, how can we do it without worrying the mother?”

“Give whatever he wants for free. It’s his birthday after all. Now come on!”

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[fiapartridge]

different | kent johnson

"maybe this time it'll be different..."

kent johnson x hughes!sister

summary: when kent arrives to the lake house two years after breaking up with y/n hughes, he has so much more planned than wakeboarding with the boys-- he's going to get her back.

warning(s): cursing

a/n: i remembered someone requesting a kj fic so here we are!! it's my first one! so! try not to hate it too much! LOL

Kent hadn’t anticipated coming to the lake house like this: sopping wet from the rain that only seemed to pour when Kent arrived since all the days leading up to this were sunny skies with a chance of nothing– absolutely zero rain, except for the day he showed up. Great.

And to make matters even worse, he hadn’t even been invited to the lake house, turning up unannounced. Luke and the rest of the Hughes’ cut contact with Kent after his and Y/N’s breakup. I mean, he didn’t expect them to take his side or feel some sort of sympathy for him, but he also didn’t know he was gonna lose everyone because of it. 

Luke Hughes had invited Kent to the lake house every summer since meeting him, claiming him as the “cool older brother he never had.” (Jack and Quinn had of course taken offense from that, but he was right. Kent was cool.) But when Kent broke up with Y/N after the 2021 draft, making up the excuse of not wanting to “drag her along” while he was busy in the NHL, Luke couldn’t help but be there for his sister. At first, he hadn’t taken sides. Luke wasn’t a part of the relationship, so obviously their friendship would be fine— but once he heard how hurt and worthless she felt, he couldn’t be friends with him. He would never be friends with a person that could make his sister feel that bad about herself. 

For months, she wondered what she could’ve possibly done to make him walk out like that, especially on a day that was supposed to be so special. Maybe… maybe she was just a thing to pass the time with until his life really began. She wasn’t meant to be in his life, not the life he planned at least, she was just something that happened— and apparently he wasn’t one for spontaneity.

Until now. As he stands at the door of the Hughes family’s summer home, the memories of spending warm July nights huddled around the small table that sat on the front porch, littered with beer bottles and red solo cups, flooding back to him. Y/N sitting comfortably on his lap, her brothers making gagging noises every time they kissed, his UMich teammates picking her up and running through the house to the backyard, throwing Y/N into the pool and pushing Kent in with her. 

They don’t even text him anymore. And he thought that losing them would’ve been the worst part, but they weren’t the people that he told everything to; what he was feeling; how anxious he felt about the future; how excited he was after scoring his first goal at Yost. his frustration over his terrible gameplay the month before the draft, fearing that none of the teams would draft him if they saw how he was playing then. That was all Y/N— and he blew it.

He wasn’t even thinking, he didn’t know what to say, his actions spoke before him as he knocked on the door, hearing the loud chatter on the other side come to a halt. And before he knew it, he was face-to-face with his old teammate, Luke.

Stepping onto the porch and closing the door behind him, Luke’s face couldn’t be mistaken for anything but anger. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Luke spat.

Kent wasn’t expecting a warm welcome, but he also wasn’t expecting a full on war the minute he knocked on the door. He really should’ve thought out his words on the way here.

“I know that everyone in that house hates me,” Luke scoffed, muttering something under his breath as Kent cautiously continued. “But I need to talk to Y/N. I fucked up, I know, and it’s too late, but please. I just need to see her.”

“Even if I told her you were here, I don’t think she’d even want to talk to you.”

Ouch.

“I know you’ll never forgive me for what I did to your sister, and I have no excuse for that, but just— give me one last chance with her. I just want to talk.”

Luke stood there, processing it all. He hated Kent for what he had done. None of the other boys were there to hold Y/N when she would fall asleep with tears in her eyes, they weren’t there when she would stumble into his bed late at night because she didn’t trust herself to be alone in her room, they weren’t there to hear her beat up herself for what had happened, thinking that this whole thing was her fault, that she could’ve prevented this from happening if she was just… better.

But he also remembered how happy Kent made her feel when they were together. 

So he gave him a chance. One singular chance.

“Y/N,” Kent froze upon seeing her. She looked so different, yet so the same. She wore her hair down now instead of in messy buns or high ponies, she was taller, and her baby face was gone, her cheeks growing a bit slimmer. She still had that rosy pink complexion that she always carried around with her and she still wore the silver charm bracelet she had when they were together. She was still so beautiful, if not more than when he last saw her.

Her arms were crossed over her chest, closing herself off to him. She looked hesitant, apprehensive. She had spent the first year after their breakup hoping that he would come back and tell her that it was all a big mistake, that he didn’t mean to break up with her, that he was just overwhelmed, that he wanted her back. The second year, she accepted it; that he wasn’t coming back. So why was she feeling like nothing had changed, that all her progress meant nothing, that she would crumble and go back to the way it was that first year, hoping he’d make his way back to her, in her arms, on her lips, in her heart.

For him, she was a mess. That she never grew out of— as much as she wished she would.

“Why are you here, Kent?”

Hearing his full name come out of her mouth was like a dagger to his chest. But he did that. He ruined everything. Did he really have the right to feel bad for himself?

He licked his lips, trying to find his words. Any words, really. “I still care about you, Y/N/N. I never stopped.”

“So why did you throw it all away?” she asked, poking her finger at his chest. “And don’t give me the bullshit excuse of ‘dragging me along’ because you were three fucking hours away! That wouldn’t have changed anything!”

“I was stupid, okay!” he shouted back, his voice cracking. “I was overwhelmed, and I was lost, and I knew I wouldn’t be enough for you, that I couldn’t be there, and be the person that you deserved.”

She scoffed, shaking her head. This is not how she thought seeing him again would go. “Did you think you couldn’t have told me? That I wouldn’t understand? We could’ve worked through it! We could’ve been together through it all! We could’ve seen if it really was gonna work or not! But you didn’t even want to give us a chance.”

Backing away, her hand fell from his chest, slipping to the door knob behind her. It’s like he was losing her all over again. He couldn’t let that happen, not again.

Holding onto her wrist, he felt her stop in her tracks. Maybe she was just waiting for the right words, and while he didn’t know what the right words were, he decided to jump off the deep end nonetheless. 

“My biggest regret was walking away from you, Y/N. And I know this means nothing, that I put you through so much that you didn’t deserve, and you can hate me all you want, tell me to leave and I’ll go, but please— please just hear me out.”

Her forehead rested against the door. “Five minutes,” she mumbled before spinning around. “You have five minutes to talk.”

Kent didn’t waste a single second. “I’m still in love with you. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m not, but you mean the world to me, Y/N, and I shouldn’t have let that go, let us go, let you go. And if you give me another chance,” she pulled her wrist away from him, his chest speeding up. Please don’t go. “I won’t make the same mistake again. And I know that you’re scared, that we might end up doing this whole shit storm all over again, and I can’t promise that we won’t, but if you just give me a chance, just one chance, maybe this time it’ll be different.”

Kent’s words hung in the air as Y/N stood there, listening to his earnest plea. The rush of memories and emotions hit her like a tidal wave. The wounds of their breakup were still there, scars etched into her skin, a reminder of him every time she went to Yost and he wasn’t there, or when she would stalk his Instagram, swearing to her friends that she would block him this time, yet she always failed. 

She had spent so much time convincing herself that she was better off without him, that she could thrive on her own, but as he stood there, telling her the one thing she wished she heard from him years ago, that he still loved her, she wasn’t so sure anymore.

Her brows narrowed, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth. “Why should I believe you?”

“You can’t. But, Y/N, I have spent the past two years regretting everything, and wishing you were beside me. After my first game, I looked into the stands and when you weren’t there, I… I knew I fucked up, that you were the best thing that’s ever happened to me, that I’ve never been as happy as I was with you. And you can choose to not believe me when I say that I won’t walk out on us again, but please just think about it. Please.”

Y/N’s head was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. She was torn between the fear of getting hurt again and the desire to give him another chance. Kent’s sincerity was real and honest, but could she really trust him not to run away when things got tough?

“No more running away. No more not talking about things. If we want this to work, I need to trust you again.”

“I’m not leaving. It’s you, you’re all I need,” he said, laying his forehead against hers. “I’ll do my best to show you I’ve changed, just make me yours again.”

In that moment, with their hearts racing and their emotions raw, Y/N’s gaze locked onto Kent’s nervous eyes. There was a certain vulnerability in his expression that echoed her own, and her mind battled between caution and the undeniable pull she still felt towards him. She’d felt that pull the second she saw him on the porch. It wasn’t something that could just go away, and in that moment, she was grateful for that.

As Kent’s fingers gently brushed against her cheek, Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine. His touch was gentle, hesitant, as if he feared shattering the fragile bridge they were building between them.

Y/N’s breath caught as Kent’s lips descended upon hers, a soft press that held a world of unspoken promises. It was a tentative kiss, a meeting of lips that carried the weight of the aching past, the hope that they could fix what was broken, and the need for his lips since the moment they broke up.

The kiss deepened, a slow progression that was both hesitant and passionate. Kent’s arms encircled Y/N, pulling her closer as her fingers curled around the fabric of his shirt, her heart racing as she surrendered to the kiss, allowing herself to be enveloped by the flood of emotions that came with it.

Their lips moved against each other with a tender intensity, as if they were trying to convey all the unspoken words and emotions that had accumulated during their time apart. In that moment, the world around them seemed to fade, the rain stopped, the muffled voices on the other side of the door were gone— it was just them. 

  When they finally pulled away, their breaths were mingled, their foreheads resting against each other. Y/N’s eyes met Kent’s once again, and she could see the genuine regret and love he still had for her. She knew he hadn’t seen anyone for the past two years, Blanks liked to remind her of that everytime he tried to get them back together.

“I’m not leaving,” Kent whispered, his voice laced with sincerity. “I meant what I said, Y/N. You’re all I need, and I’m here to prove it. This time, it’ll be different.”

[hurglewurm]

hi, I’ve had your “bro everything is suffering” “bro really bro?” comic saved on my phone since January 2021. It’s cemented itself in my brain and very often when I have spiralling thoughts about how everything is doom and misery, I recite the dialogue to myself/look at the comic. It reminds me that not everything is suffering and misery, and that I love my friends and they love me. Just wanted to say thank you.

hi !!! this is super lovely to hear, thank you. i wanted to share the earliest draft (i drew this with no plan or sketch in one sitting as one can probably tell) bc it was originally just about. the misery. a lot of what i make tends to dwell on the awfulness, especially in the earliest drafts, before i can talk to myself (or someone else) about what i'm actually saying, what is the purpose. why am i making this. how do i make this hurt less

sometimes writing a happy ending can feel like a lie ! but it's like positive thinking, reframing your thoughts: it takes practice, and you recite, you practice, you pretend until you're not pretending anymore

anyway this is messy and rambly and typing on my ipad is really hard lmao but i just wanted to share. and thank you, again. glad my lil doodle comic helped you :) hope it continues to !

[toasttt11]

what and miss it?

July 22, 2021

Brinley smiled as she walked out the airport with her suitcase rolling behind her she walked across the street to the pick up area and walked faster seeing Quinn leaning against his car.

“Q!” Brinley smiled seeing her best friend, they quickly met in the middle hugging each other.

“B.” Quinn whispered smiled softly holding his best friend, “He’s going to be so excited.” Quinn smiled grabbing her suitcase before she could smirking at her eye roll.

“I’m excited!” Brinely had missed seeing the Hughes family less lately, especially since she doesn’t play with Quinn anymore and they went through quarantine so they couldn’t visit, but she also is very excited to surprise Luke as he didn’t think she could come to his draft day.

Quinn smiled having always been so grateful for how loving Brinley has always been with his family. He knew how much she missed her family especially during the program and the way she fit in like a sister in his family has always warmed his heart.

Quinn especially has been grateful for how much support Brinley has always been for his brothers but also for him, Quinn has always had a hard opening up and admitting when something was wrong but Brinley seemed to never have any issues with that with Quinn and Quinn appreciates that everyday.

Quinn pulled into the driveway of his parents house and shut the car, he grabbed her bag out of the car and they walked up to the front door, Quinn opened the door and heard Luke and Jack playing a board game in the living room and his parents talking on the couch in the living room.

Quinn set her bag down by the front door and gestured for her to stay and she nodded, he made sure his footsteps were a little loud to make his family notice him walking in.

“I thought you had to go get something?” Jack looked up at Quinn, looking confused as Quinn didn’t have anything in his hands.

“I did.” Quinn smiled mischievously, “You can come in.” Quinn called out getting confused looks from the four.

Brinley walked into the room making Luke jump up and almost tackle them both to the ground, “Brinny!” Luke held onto her tightly having been quite sad when she said she couldn’t make it to his draft.

“Hi Lu.” Brinely smiled hugging him tightly back before reluctantly letting go and turning to Jack who was waiting and opened up her arms and Jack smiled widely quickly lunging into her arms hugging her tightly.

“Hi Brin.” Jack whispered hugging her tightly.

“JJ!” Brinely smiled pulling back from the hug and lifted her hand ruffling Jacks hair making him groan and her laugh.

Luke waited until Jack and Brinley stopped hugging and stepped back right against her side even though he saw his parents stand up to say hi to her.

“Brinley.” Ellen smiled pulling her into a hug, Brinley smiled hugging her back and she turned to Jim and they nodded at each other with a smile and fist bumped.

“What are you doing here?” Luke questioned looking at Brinley.

“What and miss your draft day?” Brinely teased him softly booping his nose, she truthfully was busy on the draft day with an important meeting but she finally managed to get it switched so she come out here, which she was grateful for especially since she made it Quinn and Jack’s draft she didn’t want to miss Luke’s.

“Thank you.” Luke softy whispered to her, happy that one of his biggest role models will be there on his big day.

“Always Lukey.” Brinley whispered back, truthfully she loved Luke as another part of her family and he’s always had a fond spot in her heart.

Luke smiled before holding onto her arm and dragging her over to where Jack and Luke were playing a board game, “Your on my team Brinny.” Luke demanded with a puppy eyes towards her.

Brinely let out a laugh but nodded easily agreeing.

Jack groaned dramatically in protest, “No way! That’s like an automatic win for you!” Everyone knew how good Brinely was at board games and Luke always wanted to be teammates with Brinely.

“I’ll play on your team.” Quinn offered sitting down next to Jack.

Jack just groaned even more throwing his hands up, “That’s not gonna change anything Quinny.” Jack sassed at his big brother, Quinn just shook his head and rolled his eyes fondly at his little brother.

Brinely and Luke shared a laugh trying not to burst out in laughter.

And Jack was right. Brinley and Luke did end up winning ever game they played before they all called it quits to head up to bed.

Brinely got dressed into pajamas and laid down in the guest room that she use to live in when she lived with the Hughes family.

July 23, 2021

Brinley woke up the sun shinning in her eyes, she groaned covering her face. She heard her door being quietly opened and then shut, she felt some sit down on her bed and lay down next to her, she felt a head of curls lay against her chest and knew exactly who it was, Brinely hand started playing with his curls.

Brinely remembered the days she lived with the Hughes and many times Luke would sneak into her room and lay next to her, a lot of the times he was anxious over something and couldn’t sleep so he came and cuddled with his favorite person.

Luke took a deep breath feeling himself relaxed as he cuddled against Brinely.

Brinley just continued to play with his curls feeling Luke seem to relax more and more, She knew he was anxious as she’s known him for the last five years and she knows very well his anxious ticks.

Luke hid his face against her shoulder, “What if i don’t go high.” Luke mumbled nervously, been worried for a while if he didn’t go high like his brothers and how everyone is expecting him to go.

“Than you don’t.” Brinely blunted told him, “But you’re going to because you are an amazing hockey player Luke and any team is going to be very lucky to have you.” Brinely knew how much of an amazing player Luke was and felt bad that he was injured for big portion of his draft year making him not be able to really fight for the number one pick.

“Thank you.” Luke breathed out honestly just needing someone to reassure him and it always calmed him down better when Brinley was the one.

“Now go to sleep we have a few hours.” Brinely ruffled his hair seeing its barely six am and that’s way to early for either of them to be up.

“Good idea.” Luke mumbled half asleep.

[altsvu]

three way phone part 1

pairing: sonny carisi x peter stone x detective!fem!reader

wc: 1.4k

summary: a movie night with the boys is all fine and dandy until things get spicy.

cw: shameless flirting, a little smut

a/n: in honor of this fic officially sitting in my drafts for THREE years (1/3/2021), i’m gonna post it today :) i’m thinking of making this a two part thing, with part two being raunchy asf. this is my first time writing a 3some so enjoy lovelies! 😭🫶🏽

law and order svu masterlist! ✯ taglist!

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For a while you had been toying with Peter and Sonny because they both had feelings for you, even thought lately you had been more close with Peter. Two weeks ago, Sonny took you out to his favorite restaurant, and last week, Peter took you to a baseball game. You, Sonny and Peter hung out a lot after work if one of them weren’t spending time with you, and you were hoping for something more with one, or both of them.

“Y/N.” You turned and saw Peter coming over to you. You were the only detective in the precinct, Sonny had left to get ready for movie night. On the other hand you were chilling in the break room getting some paperwork done. That was something you did when you didn’t feel like sitting at your desk.

“Oh hey Peter.” You smiled.

“Hey there beautiful.” He said. He kissed your cheek before he sat down.

“You always find a way to flirt with me.”

“Ever since that baseball game, I’ve had even more feelings for you.”

His hand found a way to your thigh.

“Aww, Peter. Really?”

“Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about you, and I was hoping...”

There was a bit of silence between the two of you.

“That maybe we can spend more time together. Alone.”

“I- How did you know?”

You scooted closer to Peter.

“It’s written all over you.” You whispered.

You and Peter both knew the energy shifted after that. He moved closer and kissed you. You kissed him back and it was one of the best things you ever experienced. His hands went to your ass, gripping it so he could transport you from your chair to his lap. A squeal escaped your lips.

“Damn Peter.”

“Damn, is absolutely correct. What’s on for tonight?”

“I was thinking Gothika or the Invisible Guardian, since you boys don’t want to watch romance movies.”

“I think we know how that would play out. But I would kill for some Naked.”

“Ooh, Naked sounds good. I’ll tell Sonny when he gets there.”

Peter smiled and looked at you.

“What?”

“Nothing. You just look beautiful sitting on my lap.”

You kissed him then slid the paperwork closer to you so you could finish it. You shifted in his lap so that both of your legs were facing the table and you let him grip you by your waist. Peter watched as you completed your DD5’s. At one point he pushed some of your hair back.

“Peter...” You smiled. “Very tempting of you.”

Your phone went off with a text from Sonny asking you if you were still on for sitting in on the civil court case he’s working with Pippa Cox for with him. You replied with an “Of course! I can’t wait!”

“You planning on being a lawyer?”

“I haven’t thought about it. I’m just really interested in the court system. Plus, if I ever decided to, I have one of many great former and current ADA’s I can go to.”

“Am I on that list?” Peter whispered.

“Top 3.” You whispered back, finishing the last component of the 5. “Okay. I’m done.”

“Good. I can’t wait to see what you wear later. “

“I’m sure you can’t.” You smirked, getting up from his lap. “Accompany me to Liv’s office and my desk?”

“Of course.” Peter got up and grabbed you by the waist as you were fixing up the papers.

“Peter!” You shrieked. He chuckled and pulled you closer to him, then kissing your lips. After your little make out session, you stopped by Liv’s office and placed your forms on her desk along with a small note, then went to your desk to grab your things.

“So... I’ll see you in about an hour or two?” You asked after getting outside.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

A grin formed on your face. “Bye for now, Peter.” You planted a kiss on his cheek and then went on your separate ways.

✯✯✯✯

You had just finished getting dressed and spritzing yourself with a body mist. You wore a pink silk spaghetti strap cropped v neck, a pair of pink and flower patterned tie up sleep shorts, a black silk long robe, and white fuzzy socks. Going to the kitchen to set up snacks, you heard the doorbell rang and when you went to check, it was Sonny.

“Sonny!” You squealed when he kissed your cheek and gave you a tight hug and lifted you off the floor a bit. You closed the door behind him when he put you down.

“You look beautiful for someone who’s hosting movie night.”

“You think I’m overdressed?”

“Of course not, doll.” Sonny stepped closer to you and his hand made its way under your robe. It slowly slipped off and there was a moment of silence between the two of you. Sonny’s hands then went to the sliver of bare skin. “What you’re wearing is just fine.”

“Good.” You whispered. You planted a kiss on his cheek and walked over to the kitchen to prepare the snacks.

You already had the wine out, two bottles of everyone’s favorite cabernet sauvignon to be more specific, and you wanted to prepare a small charcuterie board with several cheeses, meats, grapes, and dark chocolate. You enjoyed doing things like this, it gave you a sort of satisfaction. People always praised you for bringing the best snacks and things of the sort.

Sonny followed behind you and offered to help you set up and make a pretty display. While setting up, the doorbell rang and you went to get it.

“Y/N,” Peter started, looking at you with a smile on his face.

“Hi Peter!” You smiled back. He pulled you into a hug for a little while. “We’re in the kitchen.”

Now finally, the three of you were here and ready to get the party started. You spent some time with them in the kitchen playing around by tossing and playfully feeding each other pieces of cheese, grapes, and chocolate. You were having fun. You liked hanging out with Peter and Sonny, and they liked hanging out with you just the same.

After a little while doing that, the guys helped you finish your display in the living room with the last of snacks, and then it was time to settle down.

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“Are you boys getting bored?” You asked, taking another sip of wine.

After many glasses of wine and a fee snacks remaining, the three of you had finished the first movie, and was on the second movie you chose.

“Oh dear Y/N, very, very bored.” Peter joked. He draped an arm around you and looked at you passionately.

“Boohoo.” You mused. You turned to look at Sonny who was sitting beside you as well. “Sonny?”

Sonny smiled. “Never with you.”

“You’re so cute.” You smiled, planting a small kiss on his nose.

Peter’s hand trailed along the bare parts of your body. “I think… we can have a lot more fun on our own.”

You looked back at Peter, noticing the fierceness in his eyes. You let that same hand caress your cheek. Peter wanted to do his own thing, give you pleasure, and he wasn’t gonna let you go easily. He moved closer to you, his hands moving to your thigh.

However, you weren’t gonna give in. Not that easily. You sat there, letting Peter seduce you until you reached your breaking point. The softest moan escaped your lips. Sonny watched in amazement as Peter continued to seduce you. He turned your head to face him and he leaned in to kiss you. It was soft but also rough. You gave in and kissed him back, pulling him closer to you. You guided his hand to hold your waist. While kissing Peter you searched for Sonny’s hand to touch you as well. You could tell Sonny was hesitant, but when you felt the warmth of his body touch through the thin piece of silk that was the robe, you knew he wanted a piece of you too.

Sonny slipped a part of your robe off and kissed your bare shoulder, then went up to your neck and sucked on the soft skin. You had stopped kissing Peter at this point and he was leaving kisses on your chest. He slipped off the other side of your robe and as of now, the two men left you with bare shoulders.

“Boys. I think we should take this to the bedroom.” You whispered ever so shallowly.

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