#I HAD BEEN LOOKING FORWARD ALL DAY YESTERDAY TO BREAD … AND MY MOM FORGOT TO PUT SALT IN THE DOUGH …

[dxntloseurhead]

have you guys ever tasted bread that doesn’t have salt in it. because it is not good

[juniperwoodwell]

Hello! I am so glad I found your page. I hope you are still taking requests.

I was thinking of one with Adam Sackler and a very level-headed significant other. Adam was always hot-headed and tended to erupt during times of argument or emotional distress. I always wondered what it would be like to have him paired with an emotionally mature girlfriend that only wants the best for him and tries to get him to open up to her and deal with his problems in a healthy manner.

I believe that the scenario can open up an opportunity for angst if during a moment when she's trying to talk him down, he throws something and she accidentally gets hurt.

The prompts that came to mind were 13. "Don't push me away." and 46. "Are we gonna talk or are you just gonna sit there and sulk?"

Thank you!

The Edge of Us

Adam Sackler x F!Reader.

Warnings: Verbal Aggression, Angst, Throwing things (Only one thing), Cursing.

Word Count: 1k

A/N: Hey! Thank you so much for your request, it's such a great idea and I just had to write it!

It's not much but I made sure to add in those prompts! I hope you like it.

The argument was over something entirely stupid. Or at least, that’s how it felt to me. Adam, on the other hand? Well, he was Adam.

He sat on the couch, legs spread wide, arms crossed tightly over his chest like a defiant child. His jaw was set, brows furrowed, the storm brewing behind his eyes as obvious as the tension suffocating the room. I mirrored his posture as I stood in front of him, the coffee table acting as a barrier between us.

"You do know I have a life outside of this apartment, right?" I said, my hands finding my hips as I met his glare head-on.

He scoffed, the sound bitter, his lips twisting in that condescending way that never failed to make my blood boil. "Of course I do, but you’ve been out every night with your friends. You act like you hate me when you get home, then you completely ignore me in the morning before work."

I let out a sharp sigh, rolling my eyes. "That's such an exaggeration, Adam. I’ve gone out twice this week. Twice. And once was with my sister. We even invited you—remember? You said no. I don’t hate you. I have no idea where you’re even getting that from. But every time I come home, you’re on this couch, either glued to a game or watching something mindless. After a while? Yeah, I stopped trying to get your attention."

His posture snapped forward, the muscles in his arms flexing under his crossed grip as he stared me down. "That’s not true. Yesterday? I hugged you the second I walked through the door, and you didn’t even acknowledge me."

My voice dropped, steady but laced with growing frustration. "Yeah? You wanna know why?"

He shrugged, and the silence felt heavier than the words hanging between us.

"Because," I bit out, "two days ago, I asked you to pick up milk and bread—literally two things, Adam. Two. And when I got home, I couldn’t make dinner because you forgot. So I had to go out and do it myself, after working all day. And you? You just sat there like it was nothing."

His face twisted, mouth opening in that silent oh as his gaze dropped to the floor. He looked caught for half a second—before the stubbornness returned.

"Yeah, well, I told you I was gonna be busy that day," he muttered, voice tight, defensive.

"The store is next door, Adam. Not across town. You’re just too caught up in whatever you’re doing to care about this relationship. You do realize I can’t do everything for you, right? I’m not your mom."

That hit the nerve. I saw the shift, the way his body went rigid, the tension snapping like a wire stretched too thin.

Adam shot to his feet, the coffee table between us feeling too small all of a sudden. His brown eyes, usually warm, were sharp—cutting.

"Don’t give me that look," I warned, heart pounding faster than I wanted to admit.

His voice dropped, low and dangerous, his words practically vibrating with suppressed anger.

"You certainly act like my fucking mother, Y/n."

And just like that, the dam broke.

He grabbed something from the coffee table—something fragile. His hand closed around it too tightly, and before I could react, it shattered, the shards scattering as it just barely missed my head.

The sound echoed, sharp and final.

I stared at him, my body tense but my eyes steady, unsurprised.

“Oh, so we’re throwing things now? That's how we get our point across? Real mature, Adam.”

My voice was calm, but I took a step back as he rounded the coffee table, the tension in his movements coiling tighter, heavier.

We stood chest to chest, his face inches from mine. He was taller, broader, glaring down at me with those wild, furious eyes, his breathing ragged like he was barely holding it together. But me? I didn’t flinch. I didn’t cower.

He was a storm trying to swallow the room whole, and I refused to get swept up in it.

“Screw you, Y/n.” The words came out in a low snarl, venom lacing every syllable. His face twisted with something ugly—hurt masked as anger, the kind he didn’t know how to express.

Then, like the child he was acting like, he tore his glare away, shoulder checking me just enough to prove his point before storming down the hall.

The bedroom door slammed hard enough to rattle the walls.

I exhaled, a long, slow breath as the silence pressed back in. My hand dragged over my face, fingertips pressing into my temples in irritation.

So much noise. So much anger.

And yet, nothing had actually been said.

I took a deep breath, rolling my shoulders back as I steadied myself. This had to be solved—now—or we’d just keep spiraling further apart.

The tension still clung to the air, thick and stifling, but I refused to let it settle.

With careful, measured steps, I approached the bedroom door. My knuckles rapped lightly against the wood, the sound hollow in the silence.

"Don't shut me out," I said softly, voice calm but firm as I reached for the handle.

It turned under my grip.

The door eased open with a quiet creak, revealing him hunched over on the edge of the bed. His elbows rested on his knees, his head bowed, hands tangled in his hair.

The anger that had fueled him minutes before seemed to have burned itself out, leaving only this—defeated. Raw.

"Get out," he grumbled, voice muffled and rough, like he was barely holding the cracks together.

I didn't move.

"Are we gonna talk," I asked, keeping my voice steady, "or are you just gonna sit there and sulk?"

His head snapped up.

There it was again—that flash of fire in his eyes, a spark reigniting. "Sulk? Really?" His voice dripped with sarcasm, but it was brittle, the edge dulled by whatever he was holding back.

"Yeah. Sulk." I crossed my arms, standing my ground even as his glare sharpened. "This—" I gestured to him, slouched and brooding, "—is sulking. You're mad? Fine. Be mad. But throwing things? Storming off? That's not solving anything, Adam."

His jaw clenched, the muscle ticking beneath his skin as his hands curled into fists.

"You don’t get it—"

"Then explain it to me!" I interrupted, voice rising just enough to cut through his. "Stop shutting me out and tell me what you're so pissed off about!"

Silence.

For a heartbeat, I thought he was going to lash out again. His breathing was harsh, his chest rising and falling as if he was physically holding back the words.

And then, his face crumpled.

His shoulders sagged, head dropping back into his hands, and when he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse, cracked.

"You make it so damn easy to feel…invisible."

That stopped me cold.

The anger I'd been clinging to slipped through my fingers, replaced by something heavier.

"Adam…" I softened, taking a hesitant step closer.

But he shook his head, as if rejecting the comfort before I could even offer it.

"I see you going out, smiling, laughing. And I’m just—here. Stuck in my head. And I hate it. I hate feeling like I don’t matter to you anymore."

I felt my chest tighten, his words striking deeper than I expected.

"You do matter to me. But you can't just…explode every time you feel like you're being ignored. You have to talk to me, Adam. Not break things. Not shut me out."

His head lifted, eyes meeting mine. The anger was gone now, leaving only hurt and frustration in its place.

"I'm trying," he whispered.

"So am I," I whispered back.

[purplesurveys]

1122

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - Would you describe yourself as neat, messy or somewhere in-between? Hardcore in-between. I tend to make a slight mess everywhere I go but I remember where everything is; which is exactly why it drives me crazy whenever my much-neater mom moves my stuff around in an attempt to help me.

2 - What do you have planned for tomorrow? Is that typical for you for that day of the week? Again, it’s a weekday so it’s just another typical work day for me. It’s a Friday though, so I’ll be looking forward to close out the week. I am reeeeally crossing my fingers that it won’t be hectic tomorrow, but of course that’s going to be a lie.

3 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them needed to go the vets? Cooper was scheduled to go the vet late January, so I took him then. He needed to take a shot but I don’t quite remember what it had been for anymore.

4 - Would you freak out if you found a cockroach or other kind of bug in your home? Bugs are a normal sight so I wouldn’t freak out over them. Cockroaches are a different story, though.

5 - What’s your favourite kind of milk to drink (if you drink it)? I don’t drink milk by itself.

6 - Do you find that your skin has gotten worse since the beginning of the pandemic with having to wear a mask? It definitely has gotten worse. I have a pimple in between my eyebrows that’s been hanging out for a few months now and I can never seem to get rid of it. I think it’s because I’ve been staying at home where there are two dogs that aren’t always the cleanest, though, and not because of masks.

7 - Aside from Tumblr, what was the last website you visited and what were you doing on there? Twitter. I just checked for any new tweets on my timeline and if I’ve gotten notifications since I last visited.

8 - Do you use streaming services to watch TV? Which one is your favourite and what do you like to watch on there? I use Netflix and a free version of Viu, which really just gives me ads in between my shows which doesn’t bother me too much. On Netflix I mostly rewatch Friends whenever I need pick-me-ups; on Viu, I watch 2 Days 1 Night.

9 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Only if it’s a side meal to pasta. I don’t seek it out on its own as I hate the strong taste of garlic.

10 - Have you had a good day so far? What have you been up to? If it’s first thing in the morning, what did you get up to yesterday? It was fine. It’s a holiday so I was looking forward to today all week hahah. I just caught up on rest and watched an episode of 2D1N; and I actually just got home from the local coffee shop since I desperately needed me time. It can get exhausting staying at home all week and seeing the same 4 people and not having a place where I can be entirely alone. After the coffee shop, I also stayed in the parking lot for an hour and a half so I could vape in the car, and also because the place was starting to become crowded.

11 - What’s your favourite way to eat your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or an omelette with a lot of fillings in it.

12 - When the pandemic is over, what is one thing you can’t wait to do again? Going back to the bar/club scene, traveling, and seeing all my college friends.

13 - Do you know anyone who could be described as a hoarder? How would you feel going into a house like that? I’m a bit of a hoarder but I stuff all the crap in my drawers. I’ve never been into a hoarder’s home where the situation could be considered extremely serious.

14 - What’s one thing (aside from essentials) that you spend the most money on each month? Has anyone ever told you you’re obsessed or addicted with it? Taking myself out to get nice food, which isn’t an essential in this case lol. It’s my favorite way of spoiling myself since I love food. I’ve definitely been told I’m obsessed, but it’s true so it doesn’t bother me.

15 - What’s your favourite way to get exercise? Is this something you do regularly or not? I just walk my dogs. Yeah, I try to do it a few times weekly.

16 - What’s your favourite genre of TV show to watch? What’s your favourite show that’s not from that genre? Dramas and sitcoms, mostly. I never expected to enjoy The Walking Dead but I did, at least until the 6th or 7th season.

17 - Would you rather be employed or self-employed? Why? Employed. I don’t think I’d ever be capable of running my own business.

18 - When was the last time you threw away food that had gone off before you got around to using it? Is that something that happens often? This doesn’t happen to me since I don’t cook, but the last time I had to throw out food was last month. I had ordered a Croque Madame at La Creperie and had my leftovers for takeout since I wasn’t able to finish it...then I forgot about it until a week later, lmao. It did not look and smell nice, obviously. But anyway, to answer the second question, I had a bad tendency to similarly forget about my packed food especially back in my college days; but since I just stay at home these days, this doesn’t happen a lot anymore.

19 - Do you do a job that requires you to wear a uniform? If not, what do you typically wear to work each day? No but we have a dress code, at least for the physical office. Business casual, then we have casual Fridays.

20 - Is your hair naturally curly, straight or somewhere in between? Do you wish it was different? Somewhere in between. Not really. I don’t feel too conscious about my hair, except for the fact that I wish it were less frizzy.

21 - If someone were to buy you flowers, what kind of flowers would you like them to buy you? I love flowers and would adore any kind.

22 - Are any of your electronics on charge right now? Nope but I know I have to charge my phone since it was at 6% the last time I checked. I’ll plug it in before I head to bed.

23 - Have you had to take a COVID test yet? Was it positive or negative? No, never had to. I deliberately avoid going to places where a swab test is required.

24 - Do you leave your house everyday? Is this for work, exercise, socialising or something else? Nah. Usually just on weekends, when I need time by myself. I use the time outside to recharge and see people other than family, even if the people I see are complete strangers.

25 - If an unknown number calls you, do you google the number to see who it was? I dunno if that kind of technology exists here, but I’ve never tried it and I doubt it would give me leads either.

26 - Given the choice, would you rather deal with a problem in person, over the phone or via e-mail? Depends on the gravity of the issue.

27 - Do you find it awkward when strangers try and make small talk with you? No. I appreciate it a lot, actually. If it seems as though they genuinely just want to make conversation I’d happily dive right into it.

28 - Have you ever fallen for a scam? Did you ever get your money back? Fortunately I never have.

29 - Who was the last person you argued with? What was the argument about and have you solved the problem yet? My mom; money issues. Yup.

30 - What colour are your bedsheets right now? When was the last time you changed them? I feel like I always answer this with my blue and yellow bedsheets, but I swear I change them every now and then. I just never encounter this question when I have another bedsheet in use lmao.

[louhooo]

Saturdays

Warnings: swearing (barely), fluff, maybe some adult themes if you squint

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: Steve has a weekly routine that he looks forward to, but plans change.

A/N: Feedback is always welcomed! 💕

Saturday was the best day of the week. According to Steve, anyways. 

It was the one day he could count on cuddling without the interruption of her alarm looming in the air. Most Saturdays consisted of staying in bed until late morning, and then moseying around the apartment until their stomachs were growling. Despite whatever food was in the kitchen, she always wanted pizza from the shop a few blocks down from the apartment. Seventy-eight Saturdays had followed the weekly tradition, and Steve wasn’t going to start changing things now. 

He could hear her breathing starting to shift, and he peppered lingering kisses along her neck.

She started to stir, her body subconsciously drawing her closer to the touch. A light kiss behind  her ear and her eyes opened sleepily, a lazy grin stretching across her face.

“Mornin’, baby,” Steve’s raspy voice vibrated in her ear, followed by another kiss on the back of her neck. She hummed.

“G’mornin’.” The husk in her voice made Steve grin against her shoulder. Y/N wiggled closer to him, hiking the comforter up to her chin. More kisses along her hairline and a sigh left her lips. “Can you shower first?” His lips stilled, his brows pinching together. Separate showers did not follow the “Saturday” plan.

“Shower?”

“Yeah, so you can have hot water, too,” she chuckled at her own joke in a sleepy, delirious way. “You always complain I use all the hot water.” He really needed to talk to the landlord about the water heater.

“No-Yes, I do, but why do you want me to shower?”

“We promised to watch Morgan.” The conversation with Tony immediately came back. Three weeks ago, Y/N and Steve had reservations to make, and were rushing to get out of the Tower when Tony stopped them both in the hallway. Tony had pulled his phone out, insisting that he needed to show Y/N the video of Morgan playing dress-up. 

In the video, Morgan wore a long black dress (one that was carefully selected from her mother’s closet) and black sunglasses that covered most of her face and only stayed up if she tilted her head back. Morgan applied bright, sparkly lip gloss in the pink plastic vanity mirror located in her room and when Tony asked who she was, and she replied “Aunt Y/N”. The smile Y/N gave was blinding, and Tony knew he had her hook, line, and sinker. 

Steve’s head dropped forward in defeat against her back.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” Humor was laced in her voice. Steve nodded, his head still resting on her back. “Your age is really starting to show, babe.” Steve growled, lightly pinching the flesh on her thighs. She squealed, giggles erupting throughout the apartment. Steve sighed, lifting his head to peek at her face.

“Do you think we could cancel?” A loud gasp and she moved to look at him.

“Steven Grant Rogers! You would deprive our sweet Morgan of the opportunity to see her favorite person!?” Another gasp, “You think you know someone….” Steve rolled his eyes, ignoring the smirk creeping onto her face. She flipped the covers off her naked legs and got out of bed, sending a swift pat to his ass as her feet touched the floor. 

“Oh, come on, ya big baby. Get in the shower and I’ll get your coffee started.” She picked up his blue button-up from yesterday and slipped it on, buttoning enough to keep most of herself covered.

Steve was not too happy with how his Saturday was developing.

“We should be back by ten. There’s numbers on the fridge, poison control, and all that. She was up late last night ‘cause she was so excited you two were coming, she didn’t get a lot of sleep, so she’ll probably nap after lunch. Bath before bed, and bedtime’s at eight.” Steve and Y/N had been at Pepper and Tony’s for about thirty seconds before Morgan firmly attached herself to Y/N, and wouldn’t let her go. Y/N didn’t mind. She loved the love the small, tiny human gave to her, and greedily accepted the attention whenever she could.

Pepper placed a kiss on Morgan’s cheek, “Be good for Y/N and Steve. Mom and Dad will see you in the morning.” Morgan smiled, looking exactly like Tony, but much cuter than Tony could ever dream to be.

“Pep, we gotta go if you want to get there early.”

“You mean on time?”

“I literally don’t see how what I said is any different.” Pepper rolled her eyes good-naturedly and moved so Tony could say goodbye to Morgan. “Come’ere, squirt.” He held out his arms for her, but she only tightened her grip around Y/N’s neck. Tony blinked and stood to his full height. “My own daughter? My own flesh and blood. You’re not gonna hug your old man goodbye? Wow, I’m hurt. Truly wounded.” Morgan was a bundle of giggles, especially with the sad pout on her dad’s face.

She finally relinquished her grip, rolling her eyes in a similar fashion to her mother and reaching out for Tony. He smiled and transferred the little girl from Y/N’s arms to his and planted a big kiss on Morgan’s cheek.

“Be good. Don’t wear out Cap, okay, little miss? He might break a hip.” Steve gave a deadpan stare at Tony, who only smiled in return. More goodbye kisses and hugs were exchanged, and the three waved goodbye to Pepper and Tony from the porch. As soon as they were out of sight, Y/N and Morgan were off to the playroom, leaving Steve behind.

The first time Y/N and Steve ever watched Morgan, he quickly discovered Morgan did not like to share the attention of his girlfriend. Steve was sure that the only reason Morgan liked Steve in any form was because of who he was dating. Y/N would tease him about being jealous of a little kid, but Steve would maintain that he wasn’t. He wasn’t. (Okay, maybe a little pang of jealously went to his heart when she gave Morgan more attention, but Steve wasn’t sharing that detail with anyone. He talked with Bucky about it once and he got smacked on the back of his head for being an idiot. Never again.)

Steve was just fated to be the tall guy that helped reach the hidden cookies in the pantry and saved Morgan and Y/N from insects. It was fine. Just fine.

He finally made it to the playroom and leaned against the doorframe, watching as the girls dumped an egregious amount of glitter into a plastic bucket. Y/N looked up, feeling eyes on her, and smiled at Steve’s confused face.

“We’re making slime. For the team.” Steve raised his brows in understanding and watched them work, talking animatedly to one another, and paying no mind to him.

“Well, I’m gonna go over some reports down in the kitchen.” An eager “Okay!” from Morgan, and a wide smile and nod from his girlfriend. Steve sighed and went back downstairs.

Steve definitely was not jealous of a six year old.

After the slime had been divided into equal containers and labeled accordingly, Morgan and Y/N were ready to eat. Slime creation works up quite the appetite, after all. 

Breaded chicken in the shape of dinosaurs were placed in the oven, and watermelon and pineapple were cut into the shape of stars and hearts and placed in a glass bowl. Steve was in charge of cutting up carrots into sticks, though he was pretty sure Y/N only gave him the job so he wouldn’t feel left out.

They ate lunch outside on a yellow quilt in the shade, the breeze blowing every so often, enough to keep them cool. Morgan picked out where everyone should sit, unsurprisingly keeping Y/N directly beside her, and Steve on the other side of them. Morgan talked enthusiastically about what they could do after lunch.

“We can build a fort! And-And-And Daddy made me my own Iron Man helmet, so-so we can play Avengers!” The adults chuckled at her excitement.

“Do you have knives I can borrow? And Steve’s gonna need his shield….”

“I’m not supposedta touch the knives, but I think you can since you’re a grown-up! And we can make a shield for Steve.”

“Ooo, can we use glitter? I, personally, think we should use glitter.” Steve couldn’t hide the grin on his face when she smiled like that. Cheeky and entirely proud of teasing him. Morgan giggled and bit the head off the dinosaur nugget.

“And, I have glow-in-the-dark stars we can use, too!” Y/N wiggled her brows at Steve, a half-eaten carrot stick in her hand.

“How’s that sound, babe?” He chuckled when Morgan gave him the same look Tony gives when he’s impatiently waiting.

“Sounds perfect, girls.” She held up her hand for Morgan, and they shared a high-five in victory.

“We should probably rest, first, don’t ya think? We can’t fight the bad guys when we’re tired.” Morgan chewed on her lip.

“Yeah… I guess.” Y/N nodded with a serious expression on her face.

“Steve, don’t you always say ‘You can’t fight bullies without taking a quick nap first’?” Steve nodded back with a matching serious look.

“I do. Ask Sam and Bucky, I have to make them take naps all the time. One time they didn’t nap before a mission and we almost lost,” Steve’s gaze shifted over to Y/N, “But your aunt here… well, she basically saved the world.” Steve could hear her heart start to beat a little faster, and could see a faint pink making its way to her cheeks. Morgan stared wide-eyed up at Y/N, her mouth agape in a similar fashion to a fish.

“Is that true…? Did you really save the whole world!?” Y/N grinned and nodded her head, tucking Morgan’s hair out of her face. “Wooooow….” Morgan was stunned that her aunt had saved everyone from the bad guys. She had the coolest aunts.

Lunch was finished and Steve and Y/N were in a food induced sleepiness while Morgan searched for dandelions. Y/N rolled over to Steve, curling into his side. Her back was to his chest  and she was currently tracing the lines of his palm, both of them propped on their elbows.

“You’re sweet for telling her I saved the world.”

Steve grinned and kissed the top of her head, “You did save the world. On more than one occasion.” Y/N rolled her eyes and lightly pinched his palm. “What? I can’t brag about my girlfriend?” She snorted.

“You’re exaggerating.” Steve chuckled and kissed the shell of her ear. He wasn’t exaggerating, but he knew she would hear none of it. There were very few things she bragged about, and none of them involved anything she did with the Avengers. Baking cookies that the whole team loved? Couldn’t shut her up about it. Saving the world from an alien attack? Wouldn’t even know she was there.

She giggled, her shoulder coming up towards her ear, “That tickles.”

“Oh, so then you probably wouldn’t like if I did this…” Steve rested his hand on her hip. He felt her tense in front of him as he started to tighten his grip.

“Steven…” A warning that he could hear her smile through. He’d been too focused on Y/N, that he didn’t hear the soft crunch of the grass getting closer.

“Y/N, can you make me a flower crown?” Y/N laid her hand on top of Steve’s and squeezed, a silent question to let her move. Steve moved his hand back and watched her move and sit beside Morgan, bending and tying the stems into a crown. Morgan beamed and let Y/N place it on top of her head. Steve watched as Morgan tried to hide her yawn behind her hand as she twirled for them.

“Alright, girls, let’s go nap, then we’ll protect Earth.” Steve pushed himself up, collecting the dinnerware into one of his hands. Y/N stood up next, collecting the quilt and asking Morgan to carry her empty juice box. Morgan ran up so she was the first one inside, her little bare feet slapping on the hardwood flooring in the kitchen.

“Aunt Y/N, will you lay with me?” Eyelashes were batted and Y/N chuckled, dropping the quilt on the bench by the door.

“Of course, honey,” she looked back at Steve and grinned, “Don’t fall asleep without me. I’ll be right back.” Steve smirked, nodding his head. The girls walked upstairs, and Steve settled on the couch, turning the TV on. Y/N and Steve were over enough that they had their own playlist of shows and movies, something Y/N just went ahead and made, insisting Tony and Pepper wouldn’t care. They didn’t, but Tony did like to tease her about how many “obnoxious reality housewife shows” she watched.

Steve could hear faint giggles upstairs as he searched through the options. He settled on an episode of “I Love Lucy” he hadn’t watched yet when he noticed the giggles died down. Ricky was in the middle of lecturing Lucy, when Steve felt the couch dip. He turned and saw the little girl with brown hair who was supposed to be asleep. She prided herself on being a good “sneaker”.

Morgan turned and looked back at him, “Y/N’s asleep.” Steve blinked, tilting his head slightly.

“Aren’t you tired? Your mom said you stayed up late last night.” Morgan shrugged and turned back to watch Lucy cry dramatically.

“I’ll just go to bed early.” Steve gave a skeptical glance, but didn’t comment. He was sure she would. Even if she didn’t think she was tired later on, Y/N would read Morgan as many stories as it would take until she fell asleep. 

“Alright.” Steve turned back to watch the TV. A few minutes later, Morgan scooted closer to him, picking up his arm and resting her head on chest. Steve was frozen. It wasn’t that he and Morgan didn’t get along, they did, but she liked Y/N way more than she liked him. He wasn’t used to her affection being directed at him.

“Uncle Steve?” Steve rested his arm her after snapping out of his haze.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” Big brown eyes looked up at him.

“Are you and Aunt Y/N gonna get married?” Steve blinked. Was this one of Tony’s pranks? He had mentioned something about “Candid Camera”, and when Steve looked it up later, he was slightly worried of the extremes Tony would go to, to prank him.

Using his daughter to ask Steve if he was marrying his girlfriend, was not something he had imagined.

Steve cleared his throat, “Why do you ask?”

“’Cause you love her.”

“Well, yeah, but you can love someone and not get married. Doesn’t mean you love them any less if you aren’t married.” Morgan’s brows pinched.

“But…” Her little brain was having a hard time processing. “You look at her the same way Daddy looks at Mama, and they’re married.” Steve grinned, rubbing his thumb over her arm.

“Maybe one day, but your aunt and I are happy just the way things are right now.” Morgan hummed, dissatisfied with that answer. At this rate, she wasn’t going to get to be a flower girl for anyone!

“Well, I think you should…!” Steve chuckled.

“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?” Morgan sat up more to convey how serious she was.

“Be-cause, I think you should.” Steve laughed.

“I’ll take your reasoning into consideration.” Morgan seemed satisfied enough with that answer and laid her head back down. Two more episodes played before Steve heard her breathing soften. Steve watched one more episode before his own exhaustion got the better of him.

When Y/N finally woke up and headed downstairs in search of the six-year-old who abandoned her in her bed, her heart nearly melted when she saw Morgan and Steve asleep on the couch. She took a quick picture before turning off the TV, and going into the kitchen to wash the few dishes from lunch. 

As she was finishing up, Steve came in, wiping the sleep from his eyes. Y/N dried her hands after draining the water and wrapped her arms around his waist. They stood in quiet contentment, until they heard quiet footsteps coming into the kitchen. Morgan leaned against Y/N’s leg, joining in their peace.

For about… two minutes.

“I’m hungry.” Y/N chuckled and removed herself from Steve.

“Ants on a log?” Morgan smiled.

“Ants on a log,” she repeated back in agreement.

Raisins were replaced with chocolate chips, and they ate while they made Steve a substitute shield. Y/N thought her heart melted seeing Morgan and Steve asleep on the couch together, but she nearly lost it when Morgan sat on Steve’s lap while she colored the blue of his shield. 

He looked at her with undeniable shock as Morgan went on like everything was perfectly normal. Y/N gave him an impressed eyebrow raise in return.

Once the shield was finished and doused with glitter, Y/N went in search of knives she could use. Of course she wasn’t going to use real knives like she normally used, something she had to reassure Steve of multiple times before she went downstairs. 

Accidentally leave a knife in a purse one time, and Steve has to bring it up every chance he gets.

She found plastic ones with Mickey Mouse on the handle shoved in the back of the silverware drawer. They’d have to do. 

An elaborate scheme to save Mr. Bear from the Hydra base (located at the trunk of the oak tree in the backyard) was concocted by Morgan. It was determined that Y/N would use her knives to weaken Hydra (Troll dolls) and Morgan, or Iron Girl (official name still pending) would fly in on Steve’s back and rescue Mr. Bear and Steve would knock out any Hydra that sneaked past Y/N.

Y/N hit each of her targets, giving a two finger salute to Steve. He held up his shield with one hand, his other hand tucked behind his back to keep Morgan safely secured. As they approached the tree, Morgan shouted, “Cap, watch out!” Three Trolls members of Hydra dropped down from the tree, lime green yarn tied around their legs. Steve used his shield to protect Iron Girl, and faintly wondered how she booby trapped the toys to drop, when Y/N whistled. 

It was the same one she gave out in the field, so without questioning, Steve ducked, and a knife came flying through the air, cutting the yarn of the Hydra closest to them. Iron Girl reached for Mr. Bear and secured him under her arm, and Steve ran them out of the area Y/N named the “danger zone”. She also laughed after calling it that, so Steve made a mental note to look that up later.

They met up back on the jet (or the front porch) and Morgan, now free of her helmet, assessed Mr. Bear for any injuries. Two Sesame Street bandages were placed on Mr. Bear’s arm and nose, but the mission was a success. 

“I say we have some lemonade and go swim in the lake now. I think we deserve it.” Morgan cheered and abandoned her helmet on the wicker chair on the porch before running inside to change. Y/N could feel Steve’s eyes on her, and turned back to him with a grin. “Good job, Cap.” He grinned and set the cardboard shield next to the child-sized helmet.

“Good job, agent.” He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb, “You’re gonna have to go find that knife you threw.”

She laughed, his smile growing at the sound, “Why do you think I suggested swimming?” Steve joined in her laughter as they went inside to change. She grabbed her backpack and pulled out his shorts, pushing the red polyester material into his hands. “Steve?” His eyes met hers. She stood on the tips of her toes, puckering her lips. Steve huffed a laugh through his nose and met her halfway. Her lips were soft against his, and he could faintly taste the lingering peanut butter on her tongue.

“Y/N!” A sigh from both, and they separated, Y/N sending him a love-drunk grin.

She turned her head over her shoulder, and shouted, “I’m coming!” She looked back at Steve and pecked his lips, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Another smile and she was running upstairs to help Morgan with her swimsuit. He wandered into the bathroom and changed, answering a text from Tony, asking how things were going. Everything was perfect.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing on the dock, listening to the pop songs Y/N had on her phone, and Steve helping Morgan work on floating on her back. By the time the sun was more in the west, they had all had enough and were ready to get ready for dinner. Pepper had left a dish that they could heat up, but when Y/N peeked at it, her nose turned up and she shook her head. Weekends are not for healthy, organic meals, and that’s a fact of life Y/N firmly lived by.

She found Tony’s stash of coupons for nearby pizza places and ordered two large pizzas, one for her and Morgan, and one for Steve. Y/N gave Morgan a bath, and after she was clean and dressed in her purple shorts and t-shirt, Morgan went to find Steve, who was cleaning up mission reports from the kitchen table.

“Uncle Steve?” Somehow she had picked up at an early age, that if her voice was sweet and innocent, Steve would do, pretty much, whatever she wanted. She may have learned that from her aunt, but the jury’s still out. (No, she definitely learned it from Y/N.)

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can you build a fort in the living room?” Steve grinned and stacked the files into a neat pile, setting them off to the side.

“You gotta help me, okay?” Morgan nodded happily, and they went in search of pillows and blankets. 

Forty-five minutes later and the pizza was delivered and the fort was ready in the living room. They skipped the dinnerware, opting to just eat straight from the pizza box, a concept that had Morgan in giggles the whole time. After eating and cleaning up, they turned on another episode of “I Love Lucy” and it wasn’t too long into the show when Steve noticed Morgan’s eyes start to droop more and more. 

Steve nudged Y/N with his foot.

“I think someone should go to bed.” She followed his line of sight and grinned tenderly at Morgan. She glanced at Steve.

“Do you think you can carry her?” Steve nodded and they crawled out of the fort. Y/N rubbed Morgan’s back, “Honey? Let’s go to bed.” A soft whine and murmur that she didn’t want to, but Y/N only rubbed her back again. “C’mon, Morgan. Steve’s gonna carry you, you don’t even hafta walk.” A deep sigh, and she sat up, with a look close to tears on her face. Her lack of sleep had finally caught up with her.

Steve bent and picked her up, one arm secured under her while the other rubbed her back. She breathed into his neck and he could smell her watermelon scented shampoo. Y/N led them upstairs, pulling back the covers on her bed. Steve gently placed Morgan in her spot, and Y/N pulled the blankets up to her shoulders.

“Good night, Morgan. We love you.” A final kiss to her forehead and the nightlight was turned on as the adults retreated from the bedroom. 

Tony and Pepper pulled into the driveway about an hour later. Tony glanced around, inspecting his home.

“Nothing looks broken…” Y/N rolled her eyes as she stood up from the couch. 

“I’m ignoring that for your own sake, Tony.” Pepper hid a yawn and stood next to her husband.

“Was she good?”

“A perfect angel.”

Pepper hummed, “I feel like her father says the same thing, even when she’s not.” Y/N and Steve laughed at the faux-offended look Tony cast to Pepper.

“No, she really was. We wore her out, so she should sleep in for ya.” Y/N covered her mouth as she yawned, and Steve put his hand on her lower back. “Well, we should take off.” Pepper grinned and hugged them both, thanking them again for watching Morgan. Tony motioned with his arm.

“I’ll walk you out to your car.” Y/N picked up her backpack and shoved her cellphone into the side pocket. They walked out to the car, Y/N too tired to focus on anything else. She climbed into the passenger seat, depositing her bag down by her feet and leaned back, closing her eyes. Steve glanced at the car and back at Tony, who raised a brow. “Cap.”

“You got a good thing here, Tony.” Tony’s face softened, the years having caught up with him as of late.

“I know.” Tony glanced at her sleepy form in the car. “You do, too, Rogers.” Steve gave a lopsided smirk, glancing back at her.

“Yeah… I do.” Tony slapped Steve’s shoulder in that way only men seem to do, and he stepped onto the porch and watched Steve get into the car and pull out onto the main road. Y/N finished clicking her seatbelt, and angled her body towards him.

“What did you and Tony talk about?” Steve laid out his hand, palm up, and she interlaced her fingers with his. He brought her knuckles to his lips.

“Just how nice it is up here.” She hummed in agreement, her eyes too heavy to keep open. Just like Morgan, Steve was sure he’d have to help get Y/N into bed, and he was perfectly fine with it. He’d carry her to bed every night if she asked him to.

Seventy-nine Saturdays they had spent together, and this was one of the best.

[sweets-fanfics]

Homecoming 9

Title: Bear

Word count: 2248

warning: Fluff af

Tags: @rollyjogerjones

A/N: most of the Chapter is Arthur’s POV because he’s a big soft and I love him.

---

 At the crack of dawn, Arthur decides it should be time for them to go. He had a special surprise to cheer you up. When he was out looking for the bastard he had run into a lady whose dog had had puppies. When the lady showed Arthur he saw a bunch of tiny brown pups all sleeping soundly.

 Arthur right away asked if they were ready for sale. She happily said yes and even tried to have him take one that day, “No, I’ll come back tomorrow if it’s okay. I wanted my girl to pick the one she wants out.”

 “Oh, ain’t that just the sweetest.” the lady had squealed.

 Arthur walked into your tent and lightly taps your shoulder. You’re asleep on your stomach with your face away from Arthur. He can hear your soft snoring which makes him smile a bit. “Y/N, come on let’s go.” Arthur hears you grumble as your pulled from sleep.

 “Why are we goin’ so early?” You said in a groggy voice.

 “Come on now, I got ya some coffee.” Ah, the magic word to wake you up. You slowly start to roll over and sit up. Arthur almost falls in love all over again as he sees your cute bed head as you stretch in your bed. “Here ya go princess.” He jokes as he hands you your cup.

 “Thank you, cowboy.” You mumble taking a sip. You let out along. ‘Ahh’ after making Arthur chuckle. He leans down and kisses the top of your head.

 “We gotta long ride so get dressed.”

 “Henry hid my horse.”

 “I found her yesterday. He checked her into the stable in Saint Denise. We can pick her up on the way.”

 She gave Arthur a smile so warm and beautiful that he almost forgot about the black eye. It seemed to be starting to yellow around the edges. But every time he saw it he wanted to kill the man who did it. When he had found him in Rhodes the day before he was in the saloon in town bragging about how he had had the most ‘amazing’ sex. It took literally everything in Arthur to not shoot him right then and now but when he thought of how disappointed you would be in him he was able to walk away.

 Arthur hopped up on to his horse and waited patiently for you. When you walked over you had on a green skirt and white button-up blouse. Kinda like the one you were wearing the day he met you. You were finishing up braiding your hair over your shoulder.

 “Don’t you look pretty,” Arthur said as he pulled you up in front of him.

 “I only wore a skirt in case you try to take me somewhere fancy. But just in case you don’t,” You lifted your skirt a bit to show you had black pants on underneath.

 Arthur chuckled as he started his horse. “Oh, I thought of a name for my horse finally.”

 “What did ya choose?”

 “Athena, I heard you and Henry fighting over a goddess or somethin’ like that the other day and it got stuck in my mind.” Arthur felt quite proud of himself.

 “That’s a lovely name, Athena is my favorite goddess. She’s the goddess of wisdom and warfare but also may other things.” You explained.

 “Is that so?”

 “Yes, she’s a tough, versatile woman.” You smiled.

 “Just like you.” Arthur nudged your arm a bit.

 “Pfft, hardly.”

 “Well, you play multiple instruments, you can shoot, your tough as hell. I say you are exactly like Athena.” Arthur could see your cheeks turn red.

 “I’m not wise though…”

 “Ah, I think ya are.”

 “Thank you, Arthur.”

 “No problem… princess.” Arthur heard her sigh a bit. He could almost imagine her rolling her eyes and smiling. “You talk to your dad?”

 “No, only Hosea, whenever I’m near him he just hovers. And I get somethin’ shitty happened, but hovering doesn’t make me feel any better.” You explain to him, Arthur rubs your arm trying to calm you down.

 “You’re gonna break your daddy’s heart.” Arthur joked.

 “Maybe I’ll talk to him after we kill that bastard.” Arthur can tell by the way your shoulders drop that you’re feeling sad again. He leans forward and kisses the top of your head softly.

 He slows down as the two of you near the stable. You hop off before he even stops.

 As you land on the ground your hurt leg buckles a bit but as you head towards the ground Arthur grabs the back of your shirt and pulls you back to your feet.

 You turn and look at him embarrassed but then continue inside. As he follows you in he can hear you call to Suzie.

 “Oh, my baby! Did my mean brother hide you?” You pulled out a cloth from your bag and when you unwrap it there’s a handful of strawberries. Arthur smiles as you feed them to Suzie happily. “Sir,” you call to the stable hand, “Can I get my horse out? My brother stabled her as a mean trick.”

 “Yeah yeah, he said you’d probably find her.” The man walked over and unlocked the stable door.

 He had to quickly jump back because Suzie started to plow through so that she could get to you faster. The stable hand looked terrified. Arthur pulled out a couple of bucks and gave it to him. “I apologize, the horse only really likes her.” Arthur patted his shoulder before following you out as you hugged Suzie.

 Arthur noticed how Suzie kept trying to rub your black eye. As if she could tell how hurt you were and was trying to help. “Where to now, Mr. Morgan?” You ask as you pull yourself onto Suzie.

 “Now it’s time for your surprise.”

 “Oo, I do enjoy those.” You say trotting behind him and Athena. “Is it in town?”

 “Nah, it’s a bit further. We are halfway there.” Arthur could hear you sigh a bit but when he peeked back at you you had the biggest smile. Your smile alone made his heart start to melt. He kept asking himself how he had got so lucky with someone like you.

 During the ride, Arthur could hear you singing to yourself. He didn’t call attention to it because he was afraid you’d stop. So he quietly listened enjoying the pretty ride.

 When he got to the cottage where the lady had said he saw her sitting out front.

 “You made it.” She called and waved at both of you.

 “Arthur, where are we?” You ask. You look unsure if you want to get off of Suzie, but when you see Arthur hop down you follow.

 “This must be your girl.” The lady smiles.

 “How do you do?” You say shyly.

 “I’m doin’ just fine. Come on inside.” The lady turns and heads for the door. “I’d hurry up and follow, they like to try and make an escape whenever I get to the door.”

 “Who?” You ask as the lady opens the door and seven brown puppies run out and head right for you and Arthur. “Oh my goodness!” You squeal and sit on the ground. All the pups surround you begging for pets and kisses.

 Arthur knelt down next to you, “You can pick one out.” He says softly.

 You turn and look at him in shock. He takes in your shocked smile and bright red cheeks, “Really?”

 “Of course, I met this fine lady yesterday, said she’s tryin’ to sell them and I told her how I knew the perfect mom for one of them.” You pull him closer and give him a big long kiss before turning your attention back to the puppies to make your choice.

 Arthur stands up and walks to the lady with his face feeling warm. “How much should I give you?” He asked starting to reach for his money.

 “Don’t worry about it.” The lady puts her hand on his arm stopping him.

 “Are… Are you sure?”

 “Her eye… She’s been through somethin’ nasty, this is the least I could do for the both of you.” The lady smiles at Arthur sadly.

 “Arthur,” You call making him turn his focus on you. He sees you holding a tubby little brown pup over your head as you smile, “This one.”

 Arthur chuckles and walks up to you as the lady starts to round up the other pups. “He sure is adorable. You got a name in mind?” He scratches the pup’s head who already seems very comfortable in your arms.

 You hum as you think of a name, “Bear, ‘cause he looks like a little baby bear.” Bear yawns and lays his head on your shoulder. You look up at Arthur in surprise. “He likes me.” You whisper.

 “That he does, I guess we should head back now. Will you be able to carry him or do you want me to do it for ya?” You shake your head and head to Suzie.

 “Suzie, this is Bear, you gotta be nice to him okay?” Arthur watches you as you let Suzie sniff the pup in your arms.

 You climb on Suzies back with Bear still laying against you like a baby. “You got it?” Arthur asks you one more time as he climbs on Athena.

 “Yeah, let’s hurry home so I can show Henry and Jack.”

-------------------

 The two of you get back into camp around dusk. Bear stayed asleep for most of the ride, very comfortable with his new momma. You kiss his floppy ears as you carefully climb off of Suzie. You feel Arthur’s hands around your waist as he helps.

  He must have hurried off of Athena to help you,    you think to your self. When you’re safely on the ground you adjust Bear so that he’s in your arms like a little loaf of bread.

 You spot Jack first as he sits by Abigail. “Jack, look at this.” You call running over and sitting on the ground by him.

 “Whoa. Auntie Y/N you got a puppy?” Jack asked as he rubbed Bear’s head.

 “Arthur got him for me, I named him Bear.”

 “He looks like a bear, Momma look.” Abigail leans over and pets Bear.

 “How cute. He seems to really like you, Y/N.”

 “He slept with his head on my shoulder the entire ride back.” Bear sits up and licks Jack’s face making the boy fall back laughing.

 “Auntie Y/N maybe Bear will like Cain.”

 “Who’s Cain?” You ask confused.

 “Oh, a stray who has been hangin’ around camp. Jack named him.” Abigail explained.

 You stood up holding on to Bear. “I can’t wait to meet him, I’m goin’ to go find Henry.”

 “He’s been with Auntie Tilly all day,” Jack said pointing to the fire.

 When you turn to look you see Tilly, and Henry sitting very close to each other on the log. Also sitting at the fire is Micah, Hosea, and your father.

 You take a deep breath and walk over. Bear seems to be able to tell your nervous and keeps trying to lick your face. You look around for Arthur not being able to see him in that exact moment. It was going to be just you and Bear.

 “Henry, I gotta show ya somethin’,” You say to him.

 “Can it wait, I’m kinda- Is that a dog?” He stares at Bear who is only inches from his face. “Did you steal a dog?” That makes everyone look over.

 “Henry, no!” You say embarrassed. “Arthur got him for me, his name is Bear.”

 “Let me get a look at him,” Hosea says. You walk over and lift Bear a bit so Hosea can see. Bear immediately tries to lick Hosea which makes him laugh. “He seems like a very healthy boy. Good choice.”

 You turn a bit and show Dutch, “How about you, Pa?”

 Dutch leans forward a bit to get a closer look. Bear hesitates a bit but finally tries to attack Dutch with kisses as well.

 “We already gotta deal with Jack’s mutt now you bring him another dog?” Micah asks groaning.

 “I didn’t ask your opinion, Mr. Bell.” You say in a bitter tone. Bear looks over towards Micah and starts to growl.

 “Ugh, he seems like an ass.”

 “Bear is very sweet, he can just tell when people are mean.” You say as Tilly pets Bear with no problem.

 “Labs are good guard dogs, Dutch.” She says in case Dutch wasn’t convinced of him staying yet.

 “As long as Y/N takes care of him and trains him, I don’t see a problem,” Hosea adds.

 As you turn and look at your dad you see him look directly at your black eye and sigh, “Yes, you may keep the dog.” Is all he says before he stands up and heads to his tent.

 “He’s mad at me.” You mumble.

 “No, he’s been in that mood all day. He’s pouting that you won’t let him…” Hosea’s voice dies a bit, “Ya know.”

 Hosea saying that reminds you of Arthur’s promise. You hurry and find him sitting at the table with John. You still have Bear in your arms as you approach him. As he looks up he can see the look in your eye which tells him what you are going to ask him.

 “Arthur,” You say in a serious tone. “It’s time to tell me.”

[oh-boleyn]

te para tres

words: 3805, language: english. jane & kat (kind of mom/daughter relationship)

author’s note: I wanted to keep multichapters on my ao3 but I actually kind of like this fic, and so I thought to post it here too! anyway it is also in ao3

tags: jane & kat - centric, kat is homeless, jane is trying her best, canon abuse/non con, tw abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Families of Choice, Light Angst, pregnant!jane, sickness

part one: las tazas sobre el mantel

un poco de miel

They get into the apartment. Katherine is a mess, but getting slowly better. Her eyes are red rimmed for all the crying, cheeks puffy and crimson. Jane takes a moment to contemplate her. If she didn’t before, she certainly looks like a child now, small, curled up on herself, and young — so young.

Her clothes are obviously too big, hanging from her body. She is more than thin, probably what is expected from someone living on the street, but definitely not healthy.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” Jane offers, fighting an urge to reach out to the girl.

“Yes.”

She puts her hands to use in making the tea, trying to calm the itch to touch the teen, while Katherine stands awkwardly calming her breath in the middle of the room. She doesn’t want to be alone, but at the same time is too afraid to ask for the older to stay with her.

Jane sets two mugs on the table, gesturing to Katherine to take a seat. She obeys, almost instantly. The long-sleeved shirt and a pair of leggings, catches Jane’s attention. If she still feels freezing with her coat on, the girl must be gelid.

“Are you cold?” She questions.

Katherine shrugs, without giving a proper answer. Jane doesn’t push for one. She extends a hand over the table, slowly, making sure to not overwhelm the other with the gesture. Surprise comes when the hand is quickly grabbed by Katherine, who starts crying again.

Jane moves forward and embraces Kat, letting her cry without trying to stop her. As expected, she is icy, and the future mother is growing afraid about her catching a cold or something worse. Searching for Kat’s bag, she realizes that the usual backpack is not with her.

“Sweetheart,” The way to call her comes almost instinctive for Jane, who hates herself for a moment thinking she might make Katherine uncomfortable. “do you have something with you?”

“I… I ran.” It enough for Jane to shush her.

“Would you like to take a shower?”

“Can I stay with you for a moment?” Katherine almost begs.

“Yes, as you wish, but you are going to get sick, so I will go for a blanket, would that be alright?”

The girl dissents.

“If we went for one, would that be better?”

She repeats the movement.

“I’m so sorry Jane.” Her voice breaks. “I’m truly sorry.”

“It’s alright Kat, it’s alright.”

They spend the night just sitting, drinking the tea that at some point lost its warmth, talking about trivialities. There is a stiffness in the air none of them can erase, and Katherine flinches from time to time, depending on a sound or a sudden movement. Jane gets Kat to smile at some point, which is more than what she was expecting.

The older woman thinks her words over time and time again, hesitant to not lose all the progress they made, but reluctant to just rely on it. She knows Kat is frightened, and she deserves to feel safe, but Jane is not sure how she can manage to do so. That doesn’t stop her from trying.

(…)

Next morning finds them in little to no sleep, with Katherine asking Jane to please go and rest. The older one does the same to her. After the initial unwillingness, the teenager agrees to sleep on the couch.

(…)

Katherine is confused when she wakes up.

She has a headache, mind foggy about last night's events. Memories don’t come instantly, and panic creeps in. The air of her lungs missing, she guides a hand to her chest. Kat is inside a house, but can’t remember how that happened.

“Kathy? Love?” Jane calls. “Breathe with me.”

She can hear someone talking, but can’t process the words. She can’t distinguish the hand touching her arm, nor the woman in front of her. Her body seems to not belong to her mind, and instead she freezes, but her breath remains hard and troubled.

When she snaps back, blue eyes stare at her.

“I’m sorry.” She mutters.

“It’s alright love.”

(…)

“I think I will be going, thank you for today.” Katherine says, but Jane stops her.

“You can stay.” She offers it before having the chance to really think about it. “You can stay here, at least until you get back your things.”

Katherine forgot it. Her bag was just left in the street, it was probably gone by now. It happened to have all her clothes and her toothbrush, and most importantly her art supplies. The money earned the previous evening was the only thing in her pockets.

The fear goes down her spine, even if Jane has just been kind to her, how long would it take for her to get tired? To stop helping? Nobody was just kind because it was the right thing to do. The world didn’t work around generosity.

“I don’t want to stay.” She snaps.

As soon as she said it, a part of her was sure it was a lie.

The apartment, even if scary, was great. It had water. Since they met, Jane gave her food regularly. Katherine was eating almost every day, as well as talking to someone. It felt like being back to being alive. Almost as if she was a person again.

“What if I offer you just a place to stay at night?” Jane questioned. “You can spend your day doing whatever you want to do, I won’t stop you, but you have to come here before dinner.”

Her voice is stern, the older knows she can’t take back the proposal once it’s done. The fear lays heavy on her, after watching the girl yesterday it only became worse. She doesn’t know Katherine, not at all. All she knows are trivialities, her liking for the colour pink and one or two stories about her past.

A part of her trust the teenager, maybe considering her too young to even be evil, or it could be just her own naiveté.

“What’s the catch? What do you want in return?”

“Nothing.” Jane is quick to say it. “But you will have to respect some rules, such as not doing drugs nor make anything that could cause us harm. I might ask for help from time to time. Outside that, nothing more.”

“I’m not a charity case for you to feel better with yourself.”

“I know.”

“Good.” Katherine toys with her fingers. “I just need time to get back on my feet, that’s all.”

“You have all the time you need.”

(…)

Jane notices Kat wakes up first, every day, without fail.

She just bolts awake, and when the older comes out of her room, she is usually resting on the couch, toying with her hands.

The first task Katherine receives relates to it.

Consisting on turning the TV on, and enjoying herself watching whatever she wants until the clock marks five minutes before Jane’s alarm. The teenager’s obligation is making the tea while Jane fixes something for both of them to eat, normally eggs, tomatoes and bread for the pregnant woman, morning sickness deciding it was the only plate she might eat without throwing up, while Katherine ate what Jane offered, one time even offering pancakes.

The second task is helping her before dinner, helping with the clothes for the next shoot. Katherine gets to keep some garments, which are gladly received after the lost bag. She never keeps anything that appears to be too expensive, nor anything that can’t fit in the new backpack she got from a charity, still Jane keeps it all, just in case Katherine might want it someday.

The third task she takes it herself. Katherine starts cleaning the dishes every night after dinner, just before moving to the couch. It makes her feel better, less guilty about living off Jane. She starts considering that maybe good things can happen to her.

(…)

Working is not exactly as great as it used to be.

Jane gets headaches at any given moment, and without having the capacity of just taking any pill to make them disappear, her work load gets heavier to do. She almost ends up mixing the light orange shirts with the sweet peach ones, what could’ve been a chaos if they did the shot that way.

Katherine’s well being still worries her, even if she spends more time in the house nowadays, she is still not living there, and she spends hours on the street. Jane is afraid that one day she might not come back, that something might happen to her, but she pushes through.

“Everything okay?” Anna questions.

“I am just worrying over Kath.”

“Whom?” Cathy interrupts.

“Katherine, she is a girl from the street who is staying with me at night.” Jane explains.

“That is kind, Seymour.” Aragon talks.

The three women stare at her for a moment, not knowing about their boss's presence.

“We will get back to work.” Anna says, turning to grab her camera.

“Girls, don’t worry.” Catherine makes a sign to Anna for her to return to the conversation. “How old is this girl?”

“Fifteen. She should be turning sixteen soon.”

“Oh, she is younger than Mary. Fifteen is a rough age.”

“She is a lovely child, still she doesn’t talk a lot.” Jane takes a deep breath. “I have been taking the extra clothes home for her, I hope that is not a problem.”

“It isn’t. God knows people in fashion think that wearing something twice is bad. As if!” Aragon offers a smile. “Gift her any extra clothes. But gift me the summer photoshoot.”

(…)

"Kat? Do you mind sharing the couch?" Jane asks, softly.

"No, why?"

"I am not tired, at all. Must be some second trimester thing. Do you want to watch a movie?" She proposes.

"Sure. Let me clean the dishes first."

Katherine moves from the table, taking the plates with her. Jane shifts to the couch, turning on the TV. She idles changing channels, settling on a movie that is just starting when the teenager comes to sit next to her. They stare at it for a while, without talking nor sitting closer, still it's comfortable.

"I think I saw this movie, but I can't remember." Katherine comments.

"Do you want to see something else?"

"No, not really. I like comedies." The teenager smiles.

Moving slowly, she rests her head on Jane's shoulder. The older one helped her settle.

Before she realizes, Katherine is peacefully asleep, snorting softly, more relaxed than what Jane ever saw her. It makes her consider that the girl practically looks happy, far from the haunted look she had the first time she got into the house.

That night, both of them sleep on the couch.

(…)

Katherine bites her tongue not to announce that it was her birthday.

Jane doesn’t understand why the teenager is acting so angry, snapping at her at any given chance. For the last week or so she acted different, strange. Almost getting in too late, and refusing to finish her food. She seemed to be anywhere else, not living in the moment but rather being in another world.

If it wasn’t because she found her crying just before going to sleep, she wouldn’t have known.

“Kath? Dearest? What’s going on?”

“It’s my birthday.” Katherine talks between sobs.

Jane gives a glance to the clock and grabs two coats.

“Wear this, we are going out.”

Katherine is afraid that it might be Jane’s way to kick her out. She changes as quickly as she can with trembling hands. She makes sure to take her bag, thinking if her new toothbrush is there.

They get to a 24 hours café, where Jane orders two pieces of cake as soon as they arrive.

“If I had known, we would have done this way sooner.” She smiles. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you we were coming here, I was afraid it might be closed and didn’t want to give you false hope. But, cake is on it’s way. Happy birthday, Katherine.”

Tears are streaming freely down her face.

“It is the first time I hear it in three years.” She confesses. “I have been living three years as if I don’t exist. People walked past me and didn’t care. I was kicked out of stores, restaurants, malls. I felt like I have forgotten kindness, I hated this day and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but it is easier this way, protect myself. I don’t want to be a nobody without a birthday.”

“Love, you are not a nobody. You are Katherine, the girl who sleeps on my couch and watches Disney before I am even awake. I am so fond of you; you don’t have an idea.” She kisses the teenager’s temple. “You are not a nobody for me, and probably for the baby in the future. I want you to stick around. Maybe next year you can have a proper birthday, what do you say?”

Katherine squeezes herself on Jane’s side, hugging her strong but carefully not to put so much pressure in the growing bump.

“Happy birthday, love.” Jane whispers, stroking the girl’s hair.

 (…)

One day, the older woman wakes up to quiet sobs coming from the bathroom. She arises from bed, careful. The couch looks like a mess, and one of the pillows is without its case.

“Katherine? Sweetheart? Are you in the bathroom?”

“Yes, I will come out in a minute, I swear.”

“Do you have clothes on? Can I come in?”

The teenager doesn’t answer, but she opens the door.

“I’m so sorry, but it’s just…” Her breath is heavy, and there are traces of tears on her cheeks. “I got my period, and I made a bit of a mess, and I don’t have pads, and- “

Jane shushes her. “Don’t worry, periods are normal.” She opens the cabinet, grabbing a pack of pads. “Here, use them, it’s not like I can find them of any use right now.”

She laughs, putting a hand slowly on her stomach. It is still not noticeable, but there is a swell that wasn’t there before.

“Clean yourself, I will bring some clothes.” Jane takes the pillowcase, and before crossing the door, questions: “Do you want a painkiller?”

“Please.” Kat begs.

When she is left alone, the teenager starts getting into the shower, feeling warm water on her skin. It’s the first time she decides to have a real shower. Most of the time she cleaned herself as best as she could, trying to not take her clothes away in case someone spied on her, but Jane proved to be trustworthy, hence why she was slowly relaxing.

The truth was that Jane could also kick her out any day, so she shouldn’t fall into fully relaxing. Turning sixteen meant more chances to find a job, trying to have money for herself. Still, no one wanted to hire a girl without studies or even a fixed address. Katherine trusted herself, she had been living and passing by for most of her –if not her whole— teenage life.

Hearing a knock on her door, she lets Jane come in. The curtain of the shower covering her.

“I left you some clothes, I think those should fit you well, Cathy gave them to you.” She makes a pause. “I also left underwear, it’s new, I have some more in my wardrobe in case wanted or needed.”

Katherine hears the door click, and slowly goes out of the shower.

There lays new underwear, including a black sports bra. Also, a pair of leggings, a shirt and a bright pink pullover. She quickly changes, making sure not to leave a wet path behind her, and cleaning any chaos she might’ve left behind.

Jane is in the kitchen, waiting for her.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be, periods are just natural.” Jane says. “How long does your period last? Do you want me to buy you more pads?”

Katherine twitches her nose. “I don’t know, it’s my first period.”

Jane frowns.

“Living on the street meant not eating every day, I once spent four days without eating. A lady told me that might be the reason I never got my period. She gifted me pads, but they stole that backpack not long after.”

“I will just say, periods are gross, and painful sometimes. I’m here if you need me, even if I am luckily not having my periods for some more months.”

The way Jane laughs helps Katherine to relax, falling into the comfortable house they have started to build. It was strange, that knowing each other for a couple of months they felt like they belonged. A familiar feeling, as something long lost.

(...)

"Katherine, do you have something to do today?"

"I was going to try and get some money, you know singing. I need to get my art stuff back, people pay more for that rather than any singing I can do." She explained.

"I will pay you if you help me grocery shopping." Jane offers.

"No, don't pay me. I'll go but don't pay me, you are doing enough already." Katherine says. "When are we going?"

"I will change clothes first, are you ready?" Jane questions.

"Yeah, sure."

They get to the store not long after, deciding on going with public transport instead of taking a taxi.

Katherine can feel her anxiety building up. Walking through the entrance is dreadful, something she clearly doesn't want to do, but Jane is talking so happily and carelessly that the idea of running away makes her feel guilty.

She pulls through it. Nobody asks her to go away, instead they are nice. When Jane asks where the sugar aisle is a man smiles and offers to take them there. People are not surprised or disgusted by her presence like they usually were, they just don’t care. Not in a bad way, but rather a normal one. Not like she is invisible, but as she is an equal.

They pass through an aisle with lots of hair products, and Katherine stares at it for a moment.

“Do you want hair dye?” Jane questions.

“No, thank you.”

“You sure? I love weird hair color.” She gives an attentive look. “Look, they have fuchsia! It would look so good on you.”

“Really?” Katherine looks unconvinced, but the idea tempts her.

“Yes! Really.” Jane picks it. “I can dye your hair today when we get home. What do you think?”

Katherine nods.

Her anxiety driven day ends up with both of them in the bathroom, reading how to apply the dye while eating the cookies they got from their trip back. For a night, she gives herself the opportunity to just be a teenager, caring about her hair and looks.

It feels good.

Being with Jane feels good.

(…)

“I don’t want to go there.” The teenager protests.

“But they can help you, they have programs to go back to school.”

“Those places are dumb, and you are dumber if you think I am going.”

Katherine was being impossible.

Sooner or later she had to start planning her future, a future that didn’t involve living on the streets, but when bringing back any organization that might help, the younger refused. Didn’t even want to check the websites, nor talk about it.

Was her baby going to be so stubborn?

“Why? Please, just give me a reason.” Jane begged.

“I don’t like those places; I went to most of them. They offer help but don’t have anything.” Katherine explained, voice growing lower. “I went there for the first few nights, and it was horrible. If you are not there really soon, they no longer have beds. And older teenagers are more used to being on the street, they take advantage and…” There were tears in her eyes. “I don’t like it. Don’t send me away.”

“I won’t.”

Katherine released a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“I won’t send you away Kath, I just want the best for you.” Her voice is sweet, soothing. “I know you are brilliant, and would do great in school.”

They stay in silence.

Katherine’s mind is reprimanding herself for what she said. Jane always had a family, a place to live. She didn’t understand at all what she was going through. How many times her things got stolen to the point she almost didn’t care when it happened again. How many nights she stayed up, afraid of any men walking on the street.

Jane didn’t know about Thomas, how he took her to his apartment, and made her sleep on his bed. Didn’t know about Francis, about last summer at her step-grandmother’s house. Didn’t know about Manox, about his music lessons.

She knew the older woman was trying her best, which was more than what any other person tried to do.

(…)

“You haven’t told your family?” Katherine questions.

Jane shrugs, finishing eating her lunch.

Today was her fifth month checkup, and they decided to have lunch together until the older had to go. Feeling at ease with each other was slowly getting more common. Starting activities such as watching movies or cooking together helped with their relationship, to the point Katherine almost considered Jane as a mentor.

“I wanted to wait, pregnancies before three months can be considered as risky ones. I was afraid I might lose it.” She explained, guiding a hand to her stomach. “But now I just fear their reaction.”

The teenager goes slightly pale, her eyes inspecting Jane before she asks: “Would they hate you?”

“No, they won’t. But I don’t think they would be happy either.” She makes a pause. “Do you want to come with me?”

Katherine eagerly nods.

[eddiesasspbrak]

When I’m With You Ch. 7

Eddie can’t stand the barista at his favorite coffee shop. Richie has fallen in love with the man he sees twice a week. Stan is dating someone but won’t let his friends meet them. Ben is in love with Beverly, but is so afraid of scaring her away he’s not moving forward. Chaotic friends navigating college together. 

Ch. 1

Ch. 8

Read on AO3

3k+ words

When Saturday rolled around, Eddie could no longer put off going to the grocery store. He rarely ate at home thanks to the money coming in from his mom. Where she got it, he didn’t care as long as it kept him fed and she wasn’t putting herself in danger. Still, he needed to keep some food in his house for when eating healthier actually mattered to him or he had the rare urge to cook. He dragged himself to the shower, still groggy from napping the day before and then hardly sleeping through the night again. Once clean and dressed, a winter hat pulled down over his still drying hair, he was ready to make the trek in the cold to the small grocery store a few blocks away.

He was about to step into the hall, checking for his keys, phone and wallet, when he hesitated. There were voices out in the hall and the realization that it could be Richie was horrifying. He hadn’t seen him yet since he’d bailed from the laser tag place on Thursday. He’d spent the last two nights thinking about him and his face and his lips and hating himself because of it. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking either. He hadn’t sent a single text or dumb meme since the kiss happened, and he’d been sending those constantly since he’d gotten Eddie’s number.

Looking out through the peephole, he couldn’t see anyone. Richie’s apartment was too far away to see, even if he pressed his cheek to the door and looked as far to the left as he could. Very carefully, he opened his door just enough to poke his head out and look. Sure enough, down the hall he saw Richie outside his door, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder and arms full of bags. He’d dropped his keys and was trying to pick them up without dropping anything else. Eddie watched, hoping he wouldn’t turn his head that way and see him spying on him. And he definitely wasn’t looking at his butt as he bent down to get his keys.

“I already told you that I would meet you tonight, why do you keep asking?” He was saying into the phone, sounding frustrated.

Eddie obviously couldn’t hear what the other person was saying, but he didn’t figure it would be any of their friends based on his tone of voice. He’d never seen him angry. Sure, he’d gotten into some kind of argument with Bill the other day, but he’d just seemed slightly annoyed, not angry.

“Can’t we just talk about this later when I see you?” He sighed, trying to fit his key into the lock without dropping his bags. He finally succeeded and disappeared into the apartment, pulling his keys from the door and shutting it behind him.

Eddie waited for another minute to make sure he wasn’t heading back out before rushing to lock his door and practically sprinting to the stairwell. He didn’t want to risk waiting for the elevator and having Richie come back out into the hall. Stairs weren’t so bad either. When going down at least. Hopefully he could take the elevator when he got back with groceries. It was still cold out, but the snow had started to melt a bit on the sidewalks, splashing up onto his shoes and pants leg with each step. He walked faster than he intended to, leaving him slightly winded by the time he got to the grocery store. He just wanted to put as much distance between him and the building as possible as quickly as he could.

Grabbing a hand basket, he ventured into the aisles to grab a few things to tide him over for at least a week. One day he’d remember to make a shopping list to make sure he didn’t forget anything he actually needed. Today was not that day. Weaving his way through the aisles, he grabbed soymilk, eggs, a loaf of bread, some lunch meat and cheese, a mix of greens for salad and some cucumber and tomato. He was perusing the jars of tomato sauce when his phone began to ring. It was Bev’s name on the screen along with a picture of the two of them with their faces squished together.

“Hey.” He said, pressing the phone to his ear.

“Good morning, sunshine.” She said with a yawn. “What are you up to?”

“Grocery shopping.”

“On a Saturday? Wow, you’re really a wild one, huh?”

“Hey, it gets crazy here on Saturday morning with all the middle-aged women and their coupons.”

Bev laughed into the phone. “So…have you talked to Ben?”

“Not since Thursday. Why?”

“Oh…no reason. I was just wondering if he told you the good news.”

Eddie’s attention was officially off the jars of pasta sauce. “What good news?”

“It’s nothing really. He made sure I got home safe on Thursday night and then we maybe made out on my couch for a while.”

“For real?” Eddie was smiling.

“Yep! He slept on my couch and the next morning he brought me pain killers and water for my hangover, and we talked about us and…”

“And?”

“We might be kind of dating now?” He could hear the smile in her voice and the excitement she seemed to be holding back.

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me after all the times I had to listen to him talk about you.”

“I thought he would have told you by now. We’re going out to dinner tonight and I want you to come.”

“Why? Isn’t it a date?”

“No, it was planned after you left on Thursday. I meant to text you about it yesterday, but I was a little…distracted.”

“Understandable. Yea, I’ll come if it’s really not a date.”

“Awesome! I think we’re going to walk so maybe we can just meet at yours? The diner isn’t far from there.”

“Sure.”

“Also, Richie is coming.”

“Oh.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. It’s…no, it’s fine.”

“K. See you tonight. Kisses!”

Eddie said his goodbyes and hung up. Well, that was all his friends then. He was the only single one. Aside from Richie. Though, now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure if Richie actually was single. He’d never talked about having a partner but that didn’t mean he didn’t have one. His mind drifted back to the half of a conversation he heard in the hall. It could have easily been a girlfriend or boyfriend he was talking to. Would he have kissed him if he had a partner? Eddie still didn’t know if it was just a part of the Romeo and Juliet bit or if he’d meant anything by it. Now he had to see him and have dinner with him with the kiss in his thoughts and the conversation he’d accidentally eavesdropped on.

Pushing that from his mind, he grabbed a jar of pasta sauce and a box of spaghetti noodles and headed to the register.

*

When Ben and Bev arrived at his door, Eddie had been expecting to see Richie with them as well. He felt the anxious nerves dissipate and a feeling of disappointment settle in. He immediately felt stupid because his apartment was closer to the elevator, so they’d probably all go to Richie’s door next. He also felt stupid for being disappointed. He didn’t really want to see him anyway. He already had his things, and when he turned from locking his door, he saw them walking back toward the elevator.

“What about Richie?” He asked, looking down the hall in the opposite direction.

“He said he had something to do so he’s meeting us there.” Bev said, pushing the down button beside the doors.

The feeling of disappointment only grew as they boarded the elevator and rode it down to the first floor. He didn’t even know what he’d say to him when he actually saw him. It was better this way. Avoiding the awkward walk to the diner with him. By the time he arrived they’d be settled in and could avoid the conversation. Walking behind Bev and Ben as they held hands made Eddie feel like a third wheel. Even though they’d assured him it wasn’t a date, at the moment that’s what it felt like and he was the lonely single friend invading their time together. By the time they arrived at the diner, he felt ridiculous. When they walked to the counter, an older woman in an apron approached with a smile.

“Table for two?” She asked, looking at the obvious couple.

“Three actually.” Ben said, looking back at Eddie. “Can we get a booth actually?”

Her smile faltered as she nodded and grabbed three menus from the little slot on the side of the counter. They followed her to the table and Eddie slid into one side by himself while they took the other. The longer he sat there with them, the more he felt like he shouldn’t be there. They’d only been together for roughly two days and they were clearly already in their honeymoon stage. Both had pined over the other for so long, it was like they were ready to go all in already. It was disgusting and beautiful and Eddie hated them. If there were others with them, he would feel less awkward. Or, he thought anyway. When Bill, Mike and Stan walked in and greeted them, Eddie felt relief of a second before realizing he was now stuck with two couples. Their arrival effectively made him the sixth wheel, which until recently, he didn’t even know was possible.

“Hey, sorry we’re late.” Mike said.

“Wait, you invited them?” Eddie asked. “I thought it was just supposed to be four of us.”

“Good to see you too Eddie.” Stan quipped.

“I didn’t mean it that way and you know it.”

“I texted them after I talked to you. Sorry, forgot to mention it.” Bev said.

Eddie stood from his seat and slid in next to Beverly instead so the three could sit together on the other side. This was pathetic and miserable and where the fuck was Richie?

“Where the fuck is Richie?” Eddie asked.

“I don’t know. Let me check.” Bev pulled out her phone and presumably sent him a text.

Their waitress came over and took drink orders, bringing three more menus to them. Eddie kept glancing at Bev’s phone, which she’d set on the table. He listened to the conversations around him, but they were talking about how Ben and Bev had gotten together and just generally being couple-y so he zoned out instead. Ben and Beverly hadn’t let go of the others hand since they’d left the apartment. Stan was actually leaning against Bill very obviously while Mike had his arm draped around the both of them. God, his arms were long. The longer he sat there with no stupid Trashmouth to distract him, the more bitter he became. Fuck couples and their nerve to be cute in front of their single and lonely friends.

It was when Ben tenderly kissed Bev beside him and the other three let out a chorus of “aww” that Eddie had had enough. He knew that Richie still hadn’t texted her back and whatever he was doing must have been more important than saving Eddie from being a sixth wheel. Part of him worried that Richie was avoiding him since the kiss on Thursday and how dare he if he was. It was Eddie that was supposed to be avoiding him. Still, since he’d decided not to grace them with his presence, he thought it best to just go.

“Alright, I’m leaving.” Eddie said, standing and sliding his coat back over his arms.

“What? Why?” Ben asked, looking up at him.

“Why? Richie clearly isn’t going to show, and I don’t want to be the only single person here. It’s weird.”

“It’s not weird. You’re our friend.” Bev said.

“You’re a jealous bitch.” Stan chimed in.

“Go fuck yourself, Stanley.” Eddie said, flipping him off.

“He’s r-right. It would be awkward to be the only single p-p-person hanging out with couples.” Bill said, pushing Stan’s hand down when he returned the gesture.

“Look, I love you guys but I’m just not feeling it tonight, ok?” Eddie said, zipping his coat and tying his scarf around his neck. “Also, I hate you all.” With that he left them, heading out into the cold night air waiting for him.

Hopefully Mike and Bill wouldn’t take him too seriously and if they did, the other three would probably let them know he didn’t mean to offend. Bill already seemed to think that him and Stan going at each other was something to worry about when they’d been like that since high school. They’d be insulting each other one second and cuddled up reading comics the next. It was just the way they interacted, a testament to how close they were. Who else could you insult and flip off and have them know you weren’t serious? Surely he’d understand since he seemed to be the same way with Richie.

Eddie now had to walk home in the cold all alone and figure out what he was going to do for dinner. Being single when all your friends were dating really sucked. He paused just outside the diner, in front of the building beside it, and pulled out his phone. Fingers already going numb from the cold, he began typing out a message to Richie.

Eddie: Just so we’re clear, you suck for not showing up and leaving me with the couples. I’m bailing. Again, you suck.

He hit send and pocketed his phone, starting up the street toward home. His mind drifted to what could have held Richie up. The café was closed this time of night and wouldn’t be open Sunday, so he wouldn’t be there working. As far as he knew, all his friends were back at the diner. The conversation he’d overheard that morning came back to him then.

“I already told you I’d meet you tonight.” He’d said. So, it was a person he was with. Eddie missed his chance to ask the others if Richie was seeing anyone. For all he knew, he was with a boyfriend or girlfriend not even thinking about Eddie. If he thought about Eddie at all. Realizing he had developed feelings for Richie was the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

“Eddie!” He wasn’t far from the diner yet, walking slowly on icy pavement, when he heard his name being called. Figuring it was one of his friends trying to lure him back, he turned and instead saw Richie, carefully speed walking toward him. When he caught up to him, he stopped briefly to catch his breath, each puff a visible cloud of fog in front of him.

“I’m glad I caught you. I just got your text.” He said, smiling.

“Oh, so you know that you suck then?”

“I know. I’m sorry. I got caught up doing something and I…I’m here now. Want to head back in?”

“No. I already made a scene when I left. I can’t go back.”

“What kind of scene?”

“I told Stan to fuck himself and said I hated them all. I may have called them disgusting too but that might have been in my head.”

Richie’s smile grew as he chuckled softly. “Well, shit, I guess we better run before they come out with pitch forks.”

Despite his best efforts, Eddie smiled. “I’ll push you down and leave you while I make my get away.”

“Cruel, but I’m taller than you. I don’t think you’ll win that one.”

“The taller they are, the harder they fall.”

Richie laughed again, the noise like bells to Eddie’s ears. When did that change? He used to think his laugh was irritating and at his expense. Now he loved it.

“I’d like to see you try.”

“I’m not actually going to push you down in the middle of the street.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Right. Because you can’t.”

“I can.”

“Then do it.”

“You really want to be on your ass in the ice and snow, don’t you?”

“I’m not worried about it.”

Eddie felt a flutter go through his chest when he saw Richie’s smirk and realized exactly what they were doing. This was flirting. Stupid, ridiculous flirting but also perfect. They were both smiling, and Eddie wanted to chase that feeling before it slipped away. Pressing his hands against Richie’s chest, he began to push. Richie planted his feet, leaning against Eddie’s hands and lightly grabbing his arms with his large hands.

“That’s cheating.” Eddie grunted with effort.

“You never gave any rules.”

“Fall you giant motherfucker.” Eddie laughed.

Eddie felt giddy and lightheaded, happy for the first time in a long time. He joked with his friends, laughed with them and played around. But this was different. The knowledge that they had kissed just two days before was in their heads as they laughed and bantered. In that moment Eddie didn’t think anything could go wrong…until it did.

“Richie! What the fuck!” The voice cut through their laughter and caused Richie to tense up, looking back over his shoulder.

Eddie stopped pushing, letting his hands drop, only held up by Richie’s gentle hold on his arms. There was a woman walking toward them with purpose. She looked angry as her eyes drifted from Richie to Eddie, sizing him up.

“What are you doing here?” Richie asked, his voice no longer joking.

“You left before we were done talking.” She said, finally reaching them.

“I told you I didn’t have anything left to say to you.”

“I’ve said I was sorry like a thousand times. Can’t you just get over it?”

Eddie suddenly felt like he shouldn’t be hearing this, but Richie was still holding his arms and didn’t seem to want to let go. He wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but he had a hunch that this girl was his ex.

“You broke up with me months ago for someone else. I got over you and I’ve moved on. I don’t know how many more ways I can explain that to you.”

“I made a mistake and I’m sorry, Richie.”

“Maybe I should…go…” Eddie said, twisting his wrist and trying to gently pry free from his hold.

“No, you stay. She can leave.”

“Why won’t you at least consider it?” She asked, ignoring them both.

“I told you. I’ve moved on.”

“With who?”

Richie dropped one of Eddie’s arms and held the other one up in the air. “Who do you think?” He asked.

She looked Eddie up and down again like she had when she’d first approached. “Him?”

Eddie felt like a switch was just flipped, shutting off his brain as he no longer understood anything. He and Richie were practically holding hands at this point, but he didn’t notice. Didn’t seem to be able to hear anything they were saying. Was this confirmation that Richie felt the same way Eddie did? He found himself looking up as Richie argued with this girl about something. About him maybe. He wasn’t sure. His eyes were on his mouth, remembering the way it felt against his. The warmth of his hand, their fingers now laced, radiated through his whole body.

“Fuck you!” The girl yelled, turning and marching away.

Eddie snapped out of it and turned to watch her go. Richie sighed loudly next to him and let go of his hand to run both his hands over his face, pushing his glasses up to his hairline. Eddie could feel how warm his cheeks were despite the cold and figured he must be blushing, and he hated that. Richie had just had a very public argument with his ex and all Eddie could focus on was that he’d been flirting and held his hand.

“Sorry about that.” Richie said, looking back at Eddie with a forced smile.

“You ok?” Eddie asked.

“Yea, I’m good. She called me because she wanted to get back together but I’m over that. Thanks for not denying it, by the way. If she thinks I’m with someone else she should leave me alone.”

“Oh…yea. No problem.” And Eddie felt stupid again. He spoke quickly, before his face gave him away. “If you hadn’t been holding onto me, I would have booked it out of here the second she showed up.”

Richie chuckled. “If we’re not going back to the others where should we go?”

“I was just going to go home.”

Had he asked before his ex showed up, he would have suggested going somewhere else and eating together. All the thoughts of avoiding him had vanished as soon as she showed up, but they were back again, and all Eddie wanted was to be alone. He couldn’t imagine sitting across from him, remembering kissing him and the feel of his chest beneath his hands. All while knowing he’d just used him to get rid of his ex and didn’t seem to actually like him.

“Oh…well, mind if I walk with you then? We’re going to the same place after all.” Richie said with that same forced smile.

“Sure.” Eddie wanted to say no, but, how could he?

They were silent as they walked. It wasn’t far to their building from there, the walk going a bit slower since the temperatures had dropped, and the previously melted snow had refrozen. They shuffled carefully, trying not to slip on the ice. The last thing Eddie needed now was to embarrass himself in front of Richie. As it was, he had this annoying urge to cry that he was fighting against.

When their building came into view, Richie rushed forward a bit to open the main door for Eddie. He mumbled a thanks and thought for a second about taking the stairs so he wouldn’t be trapped in the elevator for him. He hesitated a moment too long and was stuck when Richie pushed the up button and the door slid open. If he took the stairs now, it would be too obvious that he was trying to get away from him. They didn’t live that far up so it was a short ride at least. Eddie pulled his keys out of his pocket as the door slid open again on their floor.

“Thanks again for saving me back there.” Richie said as they reached Eddie’s door.

“Like I said, if you hadn’t been holding my arm, I would have run for it.”

Richie gave a smile, a real one this time. “Well, thanks anyway. I’ll see you later.”

Eddie had his key in the lock, his other hand on the doorknob as he turned to say goodbye. Before he could get the words out, Richie’s lips were on his. It wasn’t the same as the first but was just as effective at taking Eddie’s breath away. Before he could even think of reciprocating, it was over, and Richie was heading down the hall to his own apartment. Eddie pushed the door open and stumbled in, letting it close behind him and leaning his back against it. Every time he thought he had their relationship figured out, something would happen that would throw him off completely. The simplest way to find out what was going on was to ask Richie, but he couldn’t muster up the courage to do it. The only logical thing to do was to wait for Richie to come to him, right?

[noheroes-allowed]

week 2

day 8: it feels good to be productive even though I really didn’t do much, had an hour phone call with my professor to go over my essay and he went into too much detail lmao and I really wanted it to end starting halfway through, watched hp 2&3 with my bro, spent two hours on refactored, am wearing a new sweater and socks I haven’t worn before and it’s nice, they’re moving forward with my background check so summer isn’t cancelled still as of now! hallelujah

day 9: jeremy released a new song, watched both hp 7’s today, watched wheel of fortune, sent refactored emails, played piano, forgot for like two minutes what day it was and thought it was wednesday, got a call from my recruiter and she told me they’re having a meeting tomorrow to decide what to do about the program eeeeeep, wore a new sweater today with my cat socks, kristina said she’d give me a list of questions but they never came so now keith is winging it tomorrow, texted keith if he was busy and if we could call later and then we did and I was less nervous this time about asking even though he never got back to me on what movie they ended up watching if they ever ended up watching which I don’t think they did and he just needed to get off the phone but it’s ok bc he was honest this time (update: he actually watched jerry maguire with his mom and that comforts me)

day 10: idk why but I can’t figure out how to make oatmeal at home? the two times I’ve done it now including today is not as good as when I made it in my apt kitchen, played piano and uke, asked my bro what day it was bc I’m starting to lose track of time :(, worked on refactored but didn’t work on my slides yet and was highly unproductive, potato salad at dinner, need to get a drug test lol, keith called me and it was work related but I like hearing his voice in any capacity, called Cat and got wrapped up in myers briggs again lmao, looked up my compatibility again and it said I’d have difficulties with jenny’s type lmao which is also jaja’s type, oh and I saw a real cat in this catastrophe! she let me pet her and everything. plus she looked like my aunt’s cat and it was very lovely after my run 

day 11: my mother woke me up this morning to drive her but it was unnecessarily early bc I didn’t even have to pick her up more than an hour later, finally left my neighborhood even though it was only for like 10 min it was still nice to fucking get out, my oatmeal this morning was actually good finally, spent like three hours curating a playlist oops, there’s like nothing in the fridge and it upsets me bc I want an actual meal but I’ve literally just been eating rice and bread for lunch this past week and it’s not working, played piano and uke, my supervisor emailed me and said they’re gonna pay for the past few days even though we haven’t been working! but I’m locked out of the time period so idk, saw the kitty again, texting :), filed my taxes which is the only thing I’ve really accomplished today but does that even count as being productive? lol I don't think so. also I haven’t done any school work in literally 16 days holy fuck I really need to get my shit together. but also I feel like I’m finally adjusting to this mess and trying to enjoy the moments I can

day 12: had a zoom meeting with my supervisor and I think I might pick up extra hours, peed in a cup, my mom finally bought groceries and there’s so much more fruit in the house and carrots! I can finally eat my hummus again, started watching the tv shows I keep up with again meaning I’m finally adjusting I think and not obsessing over the news like I did the first week, played piano, worked on refactored slides but it’s taking a lot longer than I expected bc I am procrastinating but also my kids did not do a good enough job and I have to pick up their slack, organized my google calendar so hopefully now I will finally stick to a schedule, my mom finally made a good dinner with our new groceries, got a free book yesterday bc there was a table giving them away and they were all suspense themed which isn’t typically what I read but we’ll see if I like the one I picked out, was gonna go to bed early but ended up watching harry styles tiny desk concert oops

day 13: watch svu today, practiced uke a really long time and I think I’m finally confident with two songs lmao. it’s taken me a really long time to learn them but I’m excited to try party favor next, rescheduled Iceland officially, I’m enjoying maggie rogers tunes, worked on refactored slides for fucking hours and still haven’t finished, called Cat, my mom is paranoid

day 14: I slept so fucking well this morning. it was so bizarre and I hadn’t slept this well in like more than a month and it may have been bc of a stupid reason, practiced uke, FINISHED THE FUCKING SLIDES, I sent this nytimes article to my environmental econ prof from last sem like three days ago bc it was talking about vsl and he got back to me today! cool, I think I may be going a little crazy ahahahahahha I need social interaction and segc is holding an update meeting tomorrow so I guess I’m looking forward to that, still have not worked on my essay and I probably won’t be tomorrow bc I gotta do cti work ugh. this essay just does not want to be written

[remembermemorablememories]

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

post #365!!!

WE MADE IT!! 365 DAYS!!!

main points:

- brunch with sheena making avocado (guac) toast with eggs and ham

- going to soccer field to fly drone/help sheena get some fresh air/exercise

- watch some more travel videos

- play falcon/snake in smash against CPU and get a few more characters

- dinner with the fam

- play smash online with snake

- brief mario kart game with sheena before she sleeps

- more smash online hovering between elite and non-elite smash

today i:

- woke up around 9am and felt groggy so i went back to sleep. sheena was already awake and was on her phone. then around 10:30am my alarm woke me up. i snoozed until like 11 ish then i got out of sheena’s bed (since i was sleeping there for the night) and went back to my room. mom came in to check on sheena and said they booked a psychologist for today at 4pm, which was surprising. mom said she was struggling to find someone with open availability yesterday after calling 7-8 people. but today they managed to find a doctor

- i went downstairs with sheena and we tried to make avocado toast with the guacamole. i toasted some of the whole wheat bread, fried some over easy eggs, then we drizzled some cheese, spread the guac and added a slice of ham to make a lil sandwich. it was actually pretty good. but it felt like it was missing something. sheena agreed. then she pinpointed it; we were missing bacon

- after we finished eating i washed all the dishes and then went back upstairs. mom suggested sheena go out and get some exercise by either biking or walking. so we took a half hour break after eating. i caught up on yesterday’s blog post, january 7, then sheena and i went to the soccer field

we tried to ride the bikes. sheena’s bike tires were flat so we tried to pump air into it but the front tire wasn’t taking in air for some reason. after some failed attempts, i just let sheena use my bike and i walked behind her. but when she was riding it, we realized my bike tires were also flat LMAOOO whoops

sheena rode the bike to the soccer field and then decided to just walk around in a circle. i set up shop with my drone to get some footage and mess around with it again. i was able to fly it so far and it was sooo cooooool. being out in the open like that (instead of in our backyard). i could fly it everywhere!!! wheeeeeee

i messed around with it and got a good amount of shots. sheena finished one circle (which is like 3/4 mile). then i let sheena play with it and then the drone complained that the battery was low so we packed it and then walked back home

- once we got home, i edited the video using the DJI auto generated app. put it to some default dubstep music and it turned out pretty dope. while i was doing this sheena got some stuff from sephora in the mail for toner for your face. she showed me a brief run through of how to keep your face clean

then dad came home, and then he mom, and sheena went to the psychologist to have their first session to see how it went

- i stayed at home and spent some time just chilling and then stumbled upon 

https://www.youtube.com/user/MrBrynnorth

from sam kolder’s instagram story. i watched his video on indonesia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i72GDSvcPmc

it was mesmerizing and unique. i feel like it had its own vibe and captured the atmosphere so well, making you feel like you were taken there. no overdone transitions and whatnot

- i played some falcon against a level 9 CPU to see how good i would be. i lost quite a few games against it. eventually i won some here and there. also put in my captain falcon amiibo from john from last summer and also made a mii fighter, mii gunner and mii swordsman just for the heck of it. then i decided to take a break from playing with falcon and switch to playing with inkling, then snake. i practiced down b reversal a lot. also i unlocked some other characters like sheik, olimar, incineroar... maybe another one

 and once i got the hang of that i decided to go online for a few games. i played like one game and then dad said dinner was ready so i went downstairs. sheena was taking a nap after she came back from the session

the psychologist just said some stuff that sheena already knew, like get more sleep, exercise more, etc. when sheena came back she took a nap for an hour. so i woke her up for dinner and then we headed downstairs

- dinner was tofu pi, eggs + veggies and bok choy.  m m m i love me some tofu. it was a delicious meal. dad talked briefly about trump’s trade deal and now the government shutdown and the address he was making tonight about the border wall

- then mom and dad went to look at some sink options on amazon while i washed the dishes. i brought up the chest discomforts with my dad and he said it’s likely just cause i was exercising for the first time in a while, so my muscles might be sore. and i guess to be fair it wasn’t hurting before yesterday. but i’ve taken long breaks and then exercised before and never felt something like this. it’s like a few seconds of discomfort in my chest, shifting from left, right, center, sometimes lower left. it comes and goes maybe every 10-15 minutes still. hopefully it’ll resolve itself in a few days

- after i washed the dishes i went back upstairs and just played smash online from 8-9:30pm. i was hovering on the elite smash line again with snake T.T

i kept losing the elite smash game and then winning the quickplay game. i learned that snake’s up smash is really good for edge guarding LOL. and learning to pull out nades more. it’s still kind of funky to play with. also up tilts and forward tilts. i was following a lot of what jtails said in his video that i watched like 3 weeks ago

- around 9:30pm sheena asked if she could play a mario kart grand prix with me. so we played one round and she did... okay :P like maybe 6th or 7th overall? i kinda forgot. she had one good game where she got 6th. the other games were like 8th or 9th

- around 10pm sheena went back to her room to sleep. i think the psychologist recommended melatonin or something to help her sleep

i decided to hop back on online smash and just continue playing snake. winning a few quickplay games, then losing elite smash. one time i did win like two elite smash games in a row. i was at like 2.98 mil GSP and just wanted to pass 3 mil GSP. i think the cutoff for elite smash was like 2.92 mil. so i’d hover around there, get past that threshold, then back down to like 2.8 mil after losing an elite smash game. sigh. oh well, it’s good practice. i had some pretty rough matchups against a few wolfs and pichus, but good matches against two kens and a falcon. those were the most notable i think

- i stopped around 1am, getting back into elite smash. took a shower and now i’m typing this at 2:19am cause i procrastinated watching some NY videos on the site :p 

- time to sleep, tomorrow’s gonna be my productive day. i’m gonna clean my clothes, fill out patient form, do some more reading on crossing the chasm, and maybe start figuring out the china plan with dimitri over text

also

this is the 365th post!!! we made it one whole year yay!!!

i definitely slacked off the last few months, using condensed posts and not really posting at the end of every day, usually every 2 or 3 days. but i’m glad that for most of the year i was able to document all of my days, and did actually keep up with it daily (up until the end of summer cause of everything that was going on)

i can’t believe it’s been a year already. what a long journey :p i’m not sure how long i’m gonna continue doing this but for now, i’m gonna keep it going!

WOOOO!!

[diary-iguess]

wahppn

J: nothing bad it was just really hot and i changed clothes twice

wake up 7 o clock for my interview, eat one piece a bread and some orange juice

ace di interview

dem tell me fi fill out the application twice

some yout try sell me a jelly candy

it cant open, but eventually does

Monique forwards

i meet her friend in the painting studio and we go get a box lunch

i sit down and eat the food

im sweating my life away

R: pepper?

J: before meeting the hustling yout, i left my portfolio in the hr office so mi did have to go back for it

no it's just hot af inna kingston

and i was wearing a long sleeve shirt

Paige seh him nah fwd fi di shoot

Thevrtistisjvmvicvn is sitting next to me, but i'm talking more than he

me a wonda how he can go school in full business attire and not become a puddle of sweat

Yanah appears and asks if she can have something nutritious

on campus

like a shake

Juice immediately says no dawg

Juice is working on a mythological drawing, but the paper he's using is trash and i tell him so

he says something about how it will still sharpen his skills and i said he needs watercolor paper if he's going to mix it with watercolor

is my story interesting?

i'm interested in telling a good story

R: I'm more interested in your friend's names

J: thevrtistisjvmvicvn said he wants to be a curator, but hasn't curated any shows yet

i tell him do that shit

lmao

R: Thevrtistisjvmvicvn, Yanah, Monique and Juice

I actually fucking love Juice

Now i know there are places I can't say that out loud

J: i ask my father if he can pick me up because Paige nah forward

he replies hmm

lmao have you seen the film?

my phone is dying and i have no credit because the tuck shop only selling $500 credit today

*back to the story*

i'm telling you this from my laptop

R: What parent says "hmmm"? was this a text?

J: yes

i knowwww

like

can't even K me

wtf

my shoes too big for me, so i stand on them instead of wearing them for a bit

Juice is playing music on his phone and one of the songs is from frank ocean's second project that he released the same time as blonde

my mind is blown

R: That must be some song

J: Yanah returns from the tuck shop with water still disappointed that there is no health food available

more mindblowing that he released two projects at once

i tell theartistisja that i like doing projects with many layers of meaning and process

i talk about my ananse storybook thesis and how i want everyone to know ananse is a deity and amina blackwood meeks taught me that

i say something like "yea, she's rad"

i talk about how the first time i met easton lee, i believed someone when they joked that he was 100 years old

and hoped that he didnt remember when i asked him if it was true

im dying laughing rn

my cousin invites me to sit and do work together at starbucks later

my father sends me a message "M is here, please call her through K-dollasign"

R: googled Easton Lee

J: lmao what did you find? he and my grandmother are friends

they're both legendary chinese-jamaicans

R: I can see he's definitely chinese-jamaican

J: yes and so is my grandma lol

R: author, poet

not bad

1931

J: but no doubt their swagger is enwrapped in their proximity to afro-jamaicanness

wow he's 87 this year

or 86?

M is my grandmother

i message K-dollasign

"i heard grandma M is here"

he replies "makes sense"

but intonates that he was not previously informed

i try to decode my father's message and K-dollasigns response

"makes sense"

he must be referring to Shutterbug's wedding

the same one i wasn't sure i was invited to

R: LOL

wow

are you going?

J: wait nuh man

R: lol

J: okay so i reach home, turn on my laptop

charge my phone

i frantically whatsapp my relatives

fb message uncle Macbook to get in touch w grandma

i try to search the internet for clues as to when this wedding will be

my sister says i should just ask Shutterbug if i can come

so i do that

uncle Macbook replies me with a different number to call, i call, get grandma

she says "no, no, no, you can't come to the wedding, the guests have already been counted and there's too many"

my heart sinks

i say, okay, well i can still see you today?

my cousin Carlton who wants to go to starbucks has arrived at my house

R: woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

J: i try to devise a plan with Carlton and grandma and my dad all talking at once to pick grandma up and she says something about not wanting to be stranded and i say we would never let that happen to her

the phone isn't working very well and at some point my father has the phone

i return to my whatsapp messages on the laptop and Shutterbug has replied!

"hey, we were overcapacity a few months ago, but there's some space now. if you can make it on sunday, please come"

i tell grandma what she said

"okay, but how are you getting there? and where are you going to stay?"

i had not thought of this second part

the wedding is in mobay

R: MUFUFUFUFU

on a beach

duh

just sleep on the beach and get dressed in someones room in the morrow

J: i quickly say "aunty Rose's"

and she has already said she's very busy today and the plan to see me nah work out

"see you in mobay then!"

okay bye grandma, i love you!

"i love you too sweetheart"

now i have to whatsapp aunty Rose and see if she will shelter me

and K-dollasign to see if i can drive with him

R: funny at points but not a bad day

J: Carlton still deh yah a try reach liguanea fi get some food

the story did not get resolved yet

lol

it wasnt a bad day just long af

R: wait what

J: let me try summarize

R: Well I mean, between Yanah's Healthy snack Crisis and the Wedding Snafu, I thought the day was sealed with you tryna get aunty Rose

J: I was also supposed to meet Pearl at starbucks for 3pm

when Carlton and i pull up to starbucks, Rose a walk up deh too

synchronicity

R: 'the hell? Starbucks is a spot now?

J: that's the culture of the company

im like baffled as to both my grandmother and father asking me if starbucks is an appropriate place to link and do work together

that's how they've been selling the place for at least the last ten years

i order a tall strawberry and cream frappe w coconut milk and Carlton is very excited to get a pumpkin spice frappe, no latte because he doesn't want to burn his tongue

yesterday Pearl showed me a video she edited featuring this black guy with ginger hair, Souffrant

Souffrant appears before us in starbucks and sits at our table

i'm supposed to edit my own video with Pearl's color correction advice, but i'm still trying to figure out my travel situation

before we went to starbucks, we walked to tastees and my mom replied to my frantic messages about grandma and the wedding with "ur not paying attention to what i tell u"

there's like a whole thing where i'm trying to get my cousin Jazz's number to ask if i can go from kingston to mobay with him because K-dollasign is unavailable.

aunty Rose says of course i can stay with her and of course she has Jazz's number

resolve dat, so mi have a place to stay and a drive

there are several unrelated phone calls that need to be made but mi still nah no credit, so i borrow Souffrant's phone

then the next chapter is me, Carlton, and Pearl trying to walk to sov after i finally finish editing my video.

i take some really dope shots of the sunset

pause for incoming illustration

R: i mean

sure

make hay

all of the birds with 1 stone

J: -picture of sov-

R: this is sov

dark

but its sov

J: it's the golden sunset reflecting off the walls

then we all go to kfc and then i try look for some shoes to wear to the wedding, but then mi nuh even know if it's really a beach ting, but never fear, my likkle sister is here to whatsapp me the link to the wedding info website the couple set up!

it's a garden brunch affair ting

so we think to go to lee's instead of payless and when we reach back in fronta payless di people dem close

so now i will go to the thrift store tmrw to cop a whole new fit from the dress to the shoes.

when i reach home my father is going to the airport and grandma (dad's mom, not the one i was tryna see earlier) asks me to come with them which i would have done anyway.

driving back from the airport, grandma's bajan soca music continues to play in the car, but it seems louder now without dad's voice. i try to talk to grandma about herself. i ask about high school. she says, "do you expect me to remember 50 years ago"

i'm like yes of course

she said

"well

i was head girl"

of course! i say

and she was also in charge of sports such as running

the drive back home is very slow because grandma cant really see in the dark

when we finally reach home and i lay inna mi bed, mi wonda why mi so tiyad

and now i know why

thanks for tuning in, this has been an appreciation for the life we live, by Jeana like jeans pants

totes forgot the best part where K-dollasign pulled up on Carlton and me in traffic when we walked back to the plaza to get to the car

then another man pulled up on us and Carlton cuss me jokingly bout how i know everyone and we probably see someone else weh mi know

#fabulous

R: like bloodcleet jeans pants

yea, cause clearly you're a superstar

beer people, links and visits

J:

[canaryatlaw]

alright peeps, I’m tired so let’s get going with this. Today was pretty good. I’ve been like unable to keep track of the days of the week when I’m just doing bar prep all the time, for like a full 2 minutes after I woke up yesterday I was convinced it was Saturday, and I forgot a bunch of times today that it was Wednesday. sigh. So, today. I hate my later alarm set for 1:00 but ended up getting up around 11:20, so not bad. I tried to jump into bar prep ASAP after making breakfast, it was just like endless rounds of practice questions, no lectures today which was nice but the questions are just like, a lot lol. At some point I decided to take a break and shower since I’m trying to do the morning(ish) shower thing now, and got ready to head over to PT. Again, the place was like deserted, which was kind of odd. I guess the times I was there this week are just a lot less busy than my normal ones. It was fine though, I am actually really happy that we’ve been starting to make some real progress with this after not doing so for so long, and like having back pain free days for the first time in like, two years, is pretty awesome. I have to wonder if it comes back to the whole “having big boobs will give you back problems” thing, and I mean like I was 24 when this started, which is awful young for back pain from most other sources. idk. anyway. After PT I was going to meet up with a twitter friend for dinner since she was in town, I was able to just hop on the bus at the stop right by the PT place and take that down, then switch to another which would take me right there. I was glad I added in extra precautions time wise, because buses suck and they can so easily screw you over, so of course there were multiple delays, but I did end up making it there right on time, so I was pleased with that. We went to the little diner place my restaurant worker foodie friend took us to when my family was here, it’s like the cheaper version of their super expensive restaurant lol, but the food is still divine. I got a grilled cheese that had like, bacon baked into the bread and I don’t even know what else was in it but it was like, the best grilled cheese I’ve ever eaten (and I’ve eaten a LOT of grilled cheese in my life) and then their cake of the day was funfetti and I’ve legit been craving funfetti cake for a solid two days now, so obviously I had to get that, I only got about halfway through before my stomach was like lol no more but it was definitely worth it. We had a very good conversation about life and tv shows and all the things in between, I had a lot of fun and I’m glad we were able to make it happen. Eventually we left and parted ways, I took the same two buses back up to my apartment, which went somewhat smoother this time, except the last one was one of those like, segmented ones that has the back moving somewhat independently of the front and I’m not crazy about those buses because I feel like you’re asking for trouble, but it’s not really a big deal of course. Got home, worked to finish the rest of the practice questions I had for the day and did eventually finsh them. I started packing for tomorrow then, I had been planning on using my mini-steamer on the dress I was going to wear to the wedding, but I couldn’t find the steamer which I was frustrated about, but the dress is actually significantly less wrinkled than I thought it would be, so it’s not all that bad. And yeah, then I basically started getting ready for bed and here we are. The flight leaves at 3:22 pm tomorrow, so hopefully I can get some work done before having to go to the airport. my family members who live there are picking my mom and I up from the airport in the same trip but we’re on two separate flights obviously from two different airlines, so of course they charged me with figuring out how to get to the other terminal in order to get picked up, which I mean I’m not complaining about because if any one of them tried to do it it would likely be a huge disaster because they can be SO incompetent when it comes to directions sometimes (I love them dearly, but they suck at directions) so I am really fine with this plan. But yeah, I’m excited, I haven’t been there or seen my little cousins since 2013 (little cousins being the kids of my first cousins, who are all kids) so I’m looking forward to that (even if it means having to put up with my rude aunt, but at least she doesn’t make racist comments like my uncle from the other side of the family). My theory on my aunt is that my (nuclear) family makes her feel uncomfortable because both of my parents have post-grad degrees and there was no question about all of the kids going to college, whereas she has a high school degree (I think she finished high school), so she tends to take that out on acting condescending and rude to those younger than her (basically all the kids) to kind of make herself feel more important and kinda bond with the adults on the theory of like “oh, those damn kids” and like it bothered me as a kid and it still bothers me lol,  but I just try my best not to be an asshole to her (or anyone else for that matter) even if she rubs me the wrong way sometimes, and of course the above is just my theory on the matter, I very well could be wrong. Okay, I think I’m done now. Tomorrow night’s post will (hopefully, god-willing) be written from Michigan. It’ll be nice to get away, even if I’m going to get super backed up on bar prep, lol. Goodnight dudes. Stay awesome.

[texanpeanut]

End of Training Thoughts

As you guessed, another email update. I wrote this one toward the very end of training when I was a little ball of anxiety. Meow. 

December 6, 2017:

Hello hello hello, There are a few things I can't believe: first, that I haven't send an update in over a month, second, that because a month has passed means I'm incredibly close to swearing in and becoming a Peace Corps Volunteer, and third, that it's winter in the states. Today it was 100 degrees in Thies. The continually hot weather makes me think this is just an extension of summer vacation, and the Christmas decorations put up around the hotels and bars meant for Western travelers and the few Catholics in Senegal seem comical. Anyway, even though a lot of time has passed, not many activities have happened, except for during the past 10 days or so. After I returned from my FOT visit, I had a few days at the training center before going back to my CBT family for a three week long visit. To be completely honest, not much happened, except for a lot of running (I was proud of myself for going every single morning, and sometimes twice a day with one of my site mates), bread eating, walking around at the market, and learning a heck-ton of Pulla Fuuta. One exceptional day was when all of the trainees in my site got to go to a nearby touristy town of Mbour and visit the BEACH! "Beach" in PF is "takko mayo" which literally translates to "next to ocean". We did do some learning that day about the Muslim brotherhoods in Senegal. There are four main brotherhoods: the Khadre, the Mouride, the Tijane, and the Lamp Fall. From what I understand, the concept of brotherhoods originated in Morocco and made it's way to Senegal a couple hundred years ago. Each brotherhood has a different leader and members of the brotherhood choose to listen to their interpretations of the Quran, and the brotherhoods each have a certain amount of influence over Senegalese politics and some industries like public transportation. If you were to come to Senegal, you would not be able to ignore the brotherhoods. There are visual references to the brotherhood founders everywhere - on every boutique, on every house, and on every sept-plas. After about an hour or so of class, we got to swim in the Atlantic and wear semi-revealing clothing for a change. At that point in time I had been wearing only pants, long skirts/dresses, and full shoulder covering tops for six weeks or so, so to wear a pair of nike running shorts and sports bra in public felt almost like public nudity. We also went out for lunch that day, and it felt really good to eat a meal of just chicken and vegetables - no rice or bread to be seen. Thanksgiving also happened while I was at site! It ended up being a nice day, even in the absence of a TV to watch the Macy's Day Parade. I called my "real" family in America in the afternoon and had my mom and sister greet my host-mom and host-sister in Pullo Fuuta. It was pretty awkward to listen to as a third-party but I could tell it was appreciated on both sides. That evening we all also went out to a restaurant together. It was a typical Senegalese "fast food" restaurant with chicken sandwiches, burgers, shawarma, etc., but it felt special because their seating area was an open air spot on the second story. Even all the way in Senegal there were lots of family connections - with my American family, my Senegalese family, and my Peace CorpsTrainee family. I ended up really enjoying three weeks with my host family. It was the longest I've gone without internet access for a while, and it was incredibly refreshing. I felt like my language skills really improved, I became really close with my CBT site mates, got a lot of reading and crossword puzzles done, and just became more in touch with my thoughts and actions as cheesy as that sounds. I'm looking forward to being without regular internet access at my permanent site as well. Thanksgiving ALSO happened AGAIN when I got back to the training center after the end of the three weeks. We celebrated as a group on the Sunday after the holiday by each cooking a dish of our choice. We had fried chicken, stuffing, green bean casserole, homemade egg noodles, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, roasted vegetables, apple pie, and yours truly single-handedly whipped up a lentil loaf (not using any sort of recipe) for the vegetarians. It was all SO GOOD and I ate SO MUCH of it and it was overall an AMAZING evening. Yay. I apologize for the stream-of-consciousness style of writing in this email. As time passes here, I find it harder and harder to keep days and my memories about them organized. After Thanksgiving was sort of a blur. We had our final technical exam - I got a 105% and a sparkly turtle sticker on my test.  We also gave our Readiness to Serve presentations. For the RTS, each language class had to put together a presentation about their understanding of the Peace Corps project frameworks and approach to development, their role as a volunteer, and how they're going to incorporate gender into their development work. Each person also had to give a 1-2 minute speech in their local language about what they want to achieve as a volunteer and how they want to spend the first few months at site. I think I said I want to teach farmers how to do a tree nursery, how to compost, and how to plant a live fence. And I'm going to greet all 54 people in my village every morning. We'll see what actually ends up panning out. We also got to go to Dakar last week. Mostly to sign paperwork. However, we did get a tour of the main Peace Corps office there, and got fed an amazing lunch of GUACAMOLE, FRUIT (I have been craving a single strawberry over the last two months and finally got it), and BACON CHEESEBURGERS which is a big deal in a country that hardly eats pork. We also got to visit the US Embassy to sign papers in front of a notary and it was such a nice building. I forgot how nice American buildings were. The bathroom had a Western toilet and it was great. On December 1st we all went to our CBT sites for a two-night "goodbye" stay. During this stay we had our FINAL language class, which is crazy to think about. I spent the very last day (Sunday) putting whole cloves in plastic bags for my dad to sell at a boutique, and the smell put me in the Christmas spirit a little bit and had me feeling slightly homesick. Afterward he went to the weekly market and bought me a set of gold earrings and necklace to wear with my complet at swear-in. I cried when I got back to the training center that day. My host family has been so sweet to me this whole time and I will definitely miss them when I go to my permanent site in Kedougou. On Monday we had our final LPI (Language Proficiency Interview) to determine if we were at the right level to swear in. We were supposed to get Intermediate-Mid to swear in and yesterday I found out I got... Intermediate-High! Woohoo! We've mostly had a lot of free time since then to relax and enjoy the last few days before swearing in on Friday. I'm in denial that this is actually happening because I am terrified. But I'm also excited. And sad. And... I don't know exactly what else but all these emotions are making my stomach churn, that's for sure. I'm terrified of getting to my village and not knowing how the heck to spend my time or not being able to understand anyone. I'm excited to see where my work takes me, to meet new people, and to live in a beautiful place. And I'm sad to be leaving all the amazing friends I've made during training! However, when I was leaving the US I had all the same feelings, went through an awkward beginning phase, and ended up loving training. So hopefully I will love my two years of service, too. Or "si allah jabbi" (if God accepts) as they say in good ol' Pullo Fuuta. For the future, tomorrow we have our last day of sessions, we swear in in Dakar on Friday, and I believe Saturday we leave for our sites. Once I get to Kedougou I'll have some time to shop and get all the things I need to move in. And then I'm going to be in my village for five weeks. In PC Senegal there's something called the Five Week Challenge (or Home for the Holidays as they're calling it this year), where trainees are encouraged to spend their first five weeks of service at their site only, not traveling to a regional house or going to another volunteer's site to spend the night or anything. I'm going to try to do it. My site is very isolated anyway and hard to get in and out of, so I'm not sure how tempted I'll be to do a lot of traveling. I think that's all I can expel from my brain at the moment. Thanks all for reading my updates so far and to everyone who's replied.

Peace only,  Maggie/Binta