#I DUNNO DAMN i gotta dump my feelings somewhere and this is a pretty fucking heavy comic lol

[cayennecrush]

hmm working through some stuff....

its like, where do you even begin with such a huge mess....

feelings under the cut bc theres a lot of them lol

i feel silly explaining my feelings about this, but the tags were getting Lengthy and i feel like maybe itd be helpful to have some insight since its pretty heavy hah, and like with all my lapis comics this just started off as some disjointed sketches and turned into something a WHOLE lot more complicated lol 

basically this is just me trying to figure out like.. what could possibly start to make the situation a little better. ive said it before and ill say it again, i relate very heavily to jasper because of my own past abuse experiences and, while of course lapis isnt nearly as terrible as my abuser was, it can be hard to separate those feelings when she does something thats so strikingly similar or a situation about her is handled by others in a similar way as my experiences were

so i was thinking like. what would i want to hear? what would start to make things not SO terrible?? i can never ever forgive the actions that were done, and idk if jasper could or even should either, but maybe the person involved could be more okay if there was a sincere apology and they were truly committed to changing and doing better.. and maybe forgiveness could even be something that happens gradually over time too after building trust and boundaries and understanding

honestly i just want jasper and lapis to be able to like exist in the same room and have it be OK, but also know to respect each others spaces? like theyd be on opposite sides of the room but they could comment on what each other is saying or crack a joke or do stupid finger guns at each other or something u know, but not like be CLOSE close out of mutual respect and understanding

so i guess this would just be like my ideal lapis apology to jasper? i dont think shes anywhere close to this in canon and she really struggles with empathy and getting out of control when shes in a position of power, but like if she fully recognized that and decided to reach out for help and to really try to be better like who knows u know?? id love that. 

and lapis is such a tricky character for me because on the one hand, i feel like she has so much potential and i really really want her to be better and actually be a fun snarky part of the group, but i also feel like shes been given so many chances and has thrown them all away every time, with a casual shrug from those around her who have been deeply impacted by her actions. ive got a lot of conflicting feelings that are hard to figure out, and angry stans coming for me and saying profoundly horrible and gross things about jasper to me doesnt help LOL. lapis i just want you to WANT to be better!!! 

also for any lapis fans reading this, pleeeeeease, please do not request more lapis. im so happy you love her and have fun with her, truly! but me drawing lapis on my own doesnt mean i want to draw more of her all the time. this comic was very emotionally difficult for me to get through which is why its taken so long for me to finish, but it feels really cathartic having done it. that doesnt mean its any easier though, if that makes sense. 

ANYWAY WOW i just have a lot of feelings lmao im. gonna stop now haha i hope this can maybe resonate with some people and help them find comfort in a hurtful situation, maybe idk hah, ANYWAY thanks for coming to my ted talk lol ♥

[hornsbeforehalos]

Waste Love: Part Twelve

Pairing: Colson Baker|Machine Gun Kelly x OFC Warnings: Language, Alcohol and Drug Use, Smut, Violence, Angst, Fluff A/N: Smut warning for this chapter!

As expected, the morning the interview was uploaded, everyone went nuts. 

Tiffany eventually disabled her messaging on all social media platforms, the constant buzzing of her phone’s notifications driving her up the wall. 

While the majority of the reactions were positive, there were plenty of hate wishers. Comments ranging from “finally!” To “she’s only with him for clout,” and other things like “let’s see how long it lasts this time.”  As well as even worse flooded her news feeds until she eventually just turned her phone off with a roll of her eyes. 

“It’ll blow over in a few days, babe, calm down,” Colson reminded her as they sat at her kitchen bar eating breakfast, his smile reassuring and sweet, “Promise.”

“I hope so,” Tiffany sighed, her lips flapping together as she exhaled deeply, looking down at her cup of coffee, “I’d like to be able to check my Instagram without the death threats.” 

“Smile,” Colson said suddenly, holding his phone up to take a picture of her quickly. She groaned and tried to reach for the device, but he quickly jerked it away and jumped from his seat, “‍Nice. I got this, babe.”

“Colson, no!” She argued with a whine, “I look like shit, please don’t post that.” 

“Too late,” Colson snickered, mischievous grin curling his mouth as he typed away. He dramatically hit the screen with a pop of his lips, beaming his signature smile at Tiffany as he proclaimed, “Posted!”

Tiffany narrowed her eyes and shook her head at him before standing, collecting their now empty plates and dumping them in the sink before leaning against the counter to finish her coffee. Colson approached her slowly, his hand reaching out to grip her hip as he leaned into her. She pressed her face against his chest with a sigh, setting her cup down before wrapping her arms around him. 

“Love you, Tiff.” He murmured before kissing the top of her head, squeezing her close to him. 

Tiffany hummed in response, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the feeling of having him near her. That they were trying. That things were gonna work out. 

“I’ve gotta get ready for work.” She stated with a groan, lifting her head to look up at him while still pressed against  his chest, “What are y’all gonna do today?” 

“Dunno,” Colson answered with a shrug, his face falling slightly as he caressed the side of her face with his fingers, “Prolly make sure everything’s set up for the flight back home and chill here.” 

Tiffany nodded sadly at the reminder that he would be leaving soon, her teeth finding purchase in her lip as she looked away. 

“Hey,” Colson started, tilting her head back to look at him with a finger under her chin, “It’s not gonna be for long.”

She nodded again with a sigh, swallowing the lump in her throat as she stood on her toes to kiss him. His lips pressed against hers softly, his hands on either side of her face holding her in place. 

“Imma take you out tonight.” Colson declared after they broke apart, a new determination sparking in his crystalline irises. 

“Yeah?” Tiffany asked, smirk painting her lips as she cocked an eyebrow at him, “Where to?”

“All over. Gonna show you off.” He replied, his hands snaking down her frame to grab two handfuls of her ass, “So don’t stay gone too late.”

Tiffany chuckled as she pulled away from him, turning to head towards the bathroom to get ready for work as she replied over her shoulder sarcastically, “Yes, Daddy.”

“Ya gonna get it, girl!” Colson called out with a silly voice as the door shut, the sound of her laughing on the other side of it making him smile even brighter than before. 

—

“Hey, girl, you almost done?” Norman asked as he walked into Tiffany’s office, his face concerned as he looked up from his phone to the woman, who was wearing a frustrated expression as she clicked away on her computer, “Kels called me to see if you were still here. Why’s your phone off?”

“It’s been off all day,” Tiffany shrugged, clicking a few more times but still unsatisfied with the image in front of her’s contrast. Sighing deeply, she continued, “And yeah. I give up on this stupid fuckin’ thing for today, it’s pissing me off.”

“Take your time, lady, it’s fine,” Norman assured as he leaned against the side of her desk, “Go home and get ready for your hot date.” 

Tiffany rolled her eyes as she exited the program before closing the laptop. She sat back with a huff, turning in her seat to look at her boss, “He tell you about where we’re going?”

“Nah, but he said for you to hurry cuz he made reservations somewhere.” Norman replied, reaching over and grabbing her hand, “So come on, let’s go.”

“Fine,” she sighed as she let him pull her up. She grabbed her bag and followed him out, helping him turn off the lights throughout the office space until they reached the parking lot. 

“He goes back to Cali here soon, don’t he?” Norman asked curiously as he walked her to her car. The wrinkles around his eyes softened as he watched her dim, disappointment in her eyes as she nodded. 

“Yeah, for a little bit before he starts the fall tour. It’ll be a little bit before I get to see him again. They’ll be here for a show in October though that I’m gonna go to.” 

“That’s not too bad,” Norman replied as they reached her car, “I’m about to be gone ‘till November prolly for the show.” 

Shocked at the new information, Tiffany recoiled slightly, “What? Not even for the weekends?”

Shrugging, Norman pushed up his sunglasses as he replied, “Diane and the baby are gonna be in Germany while she films this movie, so I really don’t have any reason to come home.”

“Well that fuckin’ sucks.” Tiffany huffed, yanking open her car door as she glared at Norman, “You’re just leaving me like that?”

“I’ll be back, sweetheart. Plus, I’ll probably even need you to fly down there for a bit at least once.” He answered with a goofy smile, his hands in his pockets, “You’ll probably be so busy you won’t even know I’m gone.” 

“Whatever,” Tiffany growled as she squinted at him, “This is a betrayal.”

“Oh whatever, crazy. Get in the damn car and go. I’ll call you if I need you tomorrow.”

“Fuck you, Reedus,” Tiffany deadpanned as she crawled into the vehicle, rolling her window down as she closed the door, “This isn’t over with.”

“Byeeee,” He cooed, waving to her before turning around and heading in the direction of his bike. 

—

“Are you fucking done yet, bitch?” Colson voice called out as the sound of the door opening and closing echoed through Tiffany’s apartment. 

“Almost!” She yelled back, her reflection in the mirror staring back at her as she adjusted her the sleeve of the shirt she was wearing. She slipped her black flats on before smoothing the long, flowing skirt out one last time and exited her bedroom. 

“Finally, God damn,” He huffed in faux annoyance, his eyes drifting across her frame as he held the joint between his fingers out for her. “Holy fuck, you look good.”

“Well thank you, Mr. Baker,” She blushed, taking the joint from him and hitting it as her gaze raked itself over his appearance as well. The black v-neck t shirt he wore with matching colored jeans making the blue in his irises ever more vibrant, “You look pretty fine, yourself.” 

“Come ‘ere real quick,” He said, pulling her to him when she tried to move past him in the hallway. His hands snaked down her waste and to her ass to give it a squeeze as he breathed into her ear, “We can be a little late.”

“Oh really?” She smirked, feeling his lips brush against her neck as she hit the joint, exhaling as she spoke, “I thought we were in a rush.”

“Not anymore.” He rasped lowly, leading her back towards her bed while pulling her skirt up around her waist. She fell back onto the mattress, hitting the roach one last time before holding it out for him to put out. He disposed of it in the ashtray on the nightstand before returning his attention to her, his bottom lip caught in his teeth as lust danced around his eyes. 

One of his hands found her foot while the other trailed up her other thigh, pulling her shoe off as she kicked off the other. His long fingers wrapped around the arch of her heel before yanking her to the edge of the bed, his nails on her thigh scratching her sensitive flesh. 

“Mmm,” Colson hummed, licking his lips as he pulled her foot closer and kissed the top of it, eyes drifting as he watched her legs spread for him, “God damn.” 

A whimper left Tiffany’s throat as her body shivered with anticipation. She kneaded her own breasts through the fabric of her shirt as he kissed and bit at her ankle while his hand between her legs found her core. 

“No panties?” Colson smirked at her before pushing his fingertip inside, “Dirty whore.”

“Fuck you,” She breathed, rolling her hips into his hand when he crooked his finger, “You love it.” 

“Fuck yeah, I do.” He quipped back while his free hand worked open his belt to free his cock. A moment later, twin moans echoed through the room at the feeling of him filling her deep. 

“Fuck yeah, Tiff. Take it,” He grunted as he bent her in half, her legs hooked over his shoulders as he leaned over her on the mattress, “Take it, baby.”

“Colsoooon,” She mewled as he thrust hard inside her, her nails finding purchase across his back under his shirt and making him hiss. “Fuck, baby. Yes.”

Her muscles tensed and released against his throbbing cock, sensations of bliss circulating through the both of them. He continued to push in and out of her, her pussy dripping with arousal as she neared her orgasm.

“Holy fuck, yes, that’s it, baby,” He praised as he felt her tighten around him, “Gimme this pussy, girl.” 

“Fuck, Colson,” She gasped when he dug his hands into her hair with a sharp tug, her eyes rolling to the back of her head with the pleasurable pain, “Harder.”

“Yes mam,” He growled, his pace quickening as he drove impossibly deeper inside her body while tightening his grip in her waves, “Come on, Tiffany, come for me.”

“Shit,” She hissed, feeling her walls flex again as her vision began to blur and body began to quake, “Yes, Just like that.”

“Take my dick so good, baby,” He murmured against her skin, his lips dragging across her jaw to her throat to lick and bite, “Who’s pussy is this?”

“Yours, Colson,” She keened in reply, vibrating as the waves of orgasmic bliss finally crashed over her. Wetness flooded between them and Colson growled, unable to handle holding himself off anymore. 

“Fuck,” He barked, driving his hips into hers with a sharp thrust that knocked the wind out of her, his cock pulsing as it pumped his come inside her, “God damn, Tiff.”

“Fucking hell,” She breathed, her heart pounding and chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. She tapped Colson on the shoulder to get him to move, the man breathlessly rolling off of her and onto his back.

“Okay, we really gotta go,” He chuckled, exhaling deeply before sitting up and looking down at her, “We’re gonna be stupid late for dinner.”

“You just killed me and expect me to be able to hop up and go to dinner?” Tiffany deadpanned, cocking an eyebrow at him, “Fucking hell.”

“Get up,” Colson commanded, smacking her on the bare thigh as he stood to tuck his dick back in his pants and buckle his belt, “Get up, get up, get up.”

“Okay, okay,” She replied, sitting up and running her fingers through her hair, “I’m coming.”

“Still? Damn, I really am good.” Colson teased with a wink, dodging the shoe she tossed at him as she stood.

She got herself put back together as Colson rolled another jay, the man yelling for her to hurry again as he waited in the living room.

“Oh shut the fuck up,” Tiffany replied as she came out of the bathroom. She plucked the joint from his fingers before he had the chance to light it, holding it between her lips as she put on her jacket, “You’d be late to your funeral.”

“Yeah, probably cuz I was waitin’ on your slow ass.” Colson sassed, smacking her on the butt playfully before stealing the spliff back, “Now come on, we got somewhere to be.”

“Where are we even fuckin’ going?” She laughed as she grabbed her purse before following him to the door.

“To get as drunk as possible, baby.” He winked as he held the door open for her, “Tonight is gonna be great.”

Masterlist

Tags:  @cobainscocaiine @coffee-obsessed-writer @through-thesilver-lining @daryldixonandfrogs @buckyscrystalqueen@mgkobsessed@iamdorka @creatureofthen1ght-v3@xxencagedxx@xxkellsvixen19xx @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @bvibunny138

*credit for the bomb ass banner is to best friend @coffee-obsessed-writer