#I DONT KNOW WHY???? ITS NOT EVEN A ‘IM OUT OF THIS HYPERFIX’ KINDA BOREDOM

[honeysucklethornsandalligtrhorns]

I think fanfiction is ruined for me now😭😭

Ever since I’ve gotten into tsp, I’ve tried reading some fics from outside the fandom. Some older ships of mine, like destiel or ineffable husbands. I’ve tried reading some old dsmp fics i enjoyed a few years back, I’ve tried rereading some frankly lovely dhmis fics as well.

But holy shit, none of them, even when I was in those fandom, have the same effect as Stannarrator fics. I cant stop comparing them, and I think it’s part of the ship aspect where they basically act divorced as well as holding a deep and fundamental need for each other is definitely the culprit. Other ships suddenly seem far too lovey dovey (not to bash on any ships whatsoever) and I just can’t get into the media surrounding them.

Don’t get me wrong, the fics are fantastic, and often I’ll finish a fic from an old fandom of mine and go ‘wow! that was incredibly written and definitely deserves all of the popularity surrounding it!’ But it doesn’t- I don’t know how to put it. Reach into my chest and grasp my battered heart? whether it be heavy angst, fluff, a 250000 word slowburn or a 1000 word porn no plot smutshot- none of them get me the same way stannarrator does.

Stannarrator was the first ship that inspired me to write my own fanfiction, It was the first ship that i felt genuinely comfortable reading and looking at NSFW art and fics- and whilst I read rated E fics long before it, they were always kind of a surrendering point, since I wasn’t able to look at any given ship the same way after reading them on most occasions, and this really ruined a lot of fandoms for me.

And I don’t know what it is about the ship that makes me feel this way, but it’s probably the innate need to be together, the way they hate each other and yet complete each other- it’s like soulmates with a love-hate relationship and a good dose of bickering, not to mention I just love both characters as well. And there’s so many interpretations…

what i’m trying to say is, i fucking love this ship, and I can’t read any other fanfics now because of it.

[doomed-stickfigure-yuri]

augrh aurgh aurgh aurgh ember i just signed up for a fucking ZINE. a whole FANDOM ZINE. its very lowkey and literally no competition as well as purely digital but its a ZINE. if i do this im getting my nAME published. like??? my actual NAME. (not my irl/deadname obviously, i mean my NAME). that qualifies me to give writing advice right. or like theopposite. your pick. still working on that btw. will probablyyyyy get it on tomorrow because my nanowrimo is ticking away by the second and i gotta DO IT. 3: anywaysi wanted to tell someone thing but not make it an actual Post bc idk if its supposed to be like super secret. i didnt sign a nda tho so ptobably not but i WANTED TO BE SAFE. its past midnight for u when u see this. barely 9 here actually. i still got a good 3 hours to midnight. WISH ME LUCK 🗣🗣🗣

OUHHH THATS SO COOL !!! WAIT HOLD ON . I HAVE TO GOOGLE SOMETHING . OHHH THATS WHAT NANOWRIMO IS OK- GOOD LUCK WITH ALL YOUR WRITING!! AND YES THAT DEFINITELY DOES QUALIFY YOU TO GIVE ADVICE AND ALSO I DONT KNOW WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT IT FEELS RIGHT . ALSO I ACTUALLY GOT THISD AT LIKE A LITTLE AFTER 11 BUT I WAS RIGHT ABT TO EEPY SO I DIDNT RESPOND THEN HDKSHFKSN ok thats enough of the all caps . why so much all caps ? i woke up like twenty minutes ago my brain is an enigma man . anyways im going feral so ill be in your inbox to ramble about the running minds au sillies soon because God im losing it and also my packages arrived !!! The glass scientists physical copy..... its going to save my life 2day from the crushing boredom of church (id complain that i have to go but i Did sort of agree to it- i made my bed now i have to lie in it (im an atheist for the record dhskhdksjd)) See im having like a little transgender crisis here . because i generally am Out but its a church man . not even the fun kind like The Church its just A church . and i used to go there a long time ago so people are gonna recognize me and theyre gonna have questions abt my short hair and junk and im Scared man . i mean i live in a really good state for this kinda stuff but its a Church . anyways did you know theres a legoset of dt87 scrooge and the triplets?? i have it now and im going FERAL man cant wait to build it . my hyperfixation shelf is THRIVING also did u know theres a donald duck hotwheels . cuz there is and i have it

was too lazy to go take a picture of my own but Look At That Thang !!!

[queenswearpurple]

Leaf made me do it

Leaf @hyperfixations-r-us said it was my turn to interact with people so here goes i guess… (and the person i tag to do this is...@r2-dj im sorry i had no one else to tag plz forgive me)

name/nickname: evie, my real name is not to be shared in this fae realm as it will give the fae control over me and i will never give them that much power 😤, teddy bear/bear, Iva, llama

gender: she/her (oof, in this economy?)

star sign: aquarius

height: 5’8” (it makes leaf angry bc they constantly forget im tall and suddenly they remember and get all mad and i love that i can induce rage in someone simply for being tall 😊)

time: gmt-8

birthday: 23 january (so its almost my birthday, yay.......adulting......)

fav bands: panic! (brendon kinda a dick tho), fall out boy, mcr, TOP, green day, queen, a day to remember, marianas trench, ajr, much more

fav solo artists: hozier, corpse, girl in red, hayley kiyoko, billie eilish, bazzi, post malone (i actually really like his music which is probably a surprise to some people), and many more

song stuck in your head: ...gods...the fucking wii music lives in my head rent free, but there’s also the i wanna be your girlfriend x sweater weather mix

last movie: beauty and the beast (animated version, because i finally have the disney+ password)

last show: crash landing on you (my fam got me hooked on kdramas and guys they’re so good)

when did i create this blog: i created this one after i was permanently locked out of my old ones 🙃 as for the day, nov 20, 2020

last thing googled: wedding boards pinterest (yall ever planned a wedding for fictional characters out of sheer boredom??? anyway i totally say sterek’s wedding would be like a blue/silver color theme bc blue is a color they both share (stiles thinks blue is pretty, dereks got blue beta eyes) and i think silver and blue is a nice color combo for a wedding, and they have a batman topper on their wedding cake)

other blogs: oopslookslikeishipgaystwin, pickosita5, oopslookslikeishipgaysnow (i lost the last 2 😞)

what i post: whatever i see on my dash and reblog, supporting the mutuals

following: 144

followers: 12 for this blog, 16 total

avg hours of sleep: only the weak sleep...and i am weak (id say 7-9ish hours? ive been trying to set up a better sleep schedule)

lucky number: 8

instrument: i know the first 11 notes to Welcome to the Black Parade on keyboard...does that count?

fave food:  👀 👀 👀 you cooking??? (i like any food but mostly hispanic foods bc fuck yeah)

what im i wearing: why you wanna know ;););) (my fall out boy shirt and jeans + hogwarts socks i got for christmas)

dream job: the mysterious author that lives in the lovely cabin at the edge of the woods with a cat and a dog (maybe even a fish) that only comes into the town for groceries and is not known too well by the locals but known well enough that i can greet a few by name and have lovely chats and dinner parties with them so i am not a complete recluse and no one knows what kind of books i write because i use a pen name and not one person, not even my (either male or female) partner who is one of the locals that fell in love with my mysterious aura and visited me enough to break through my shell to get to know the soft, loving part of me, knows what books in my bookshelf are written by me or if i just have them because i’ve read them/keep them for decoration 😏………or i’ll just become a high school english teacher idk 🤔

dream trip: a cabin in the woods during the winter while it’s snowing and we (my significant other and i) can build a fire in the fireplace and snuggle for warmth under the same blanket with the hot chocolate that i learned to make at a young age in the mugs in our hand and the cabin smells like the freshly baked cookies we have in the plate in front of us and we’re in cozy winter sweaters with patterns and the snow is falling outside….i am at peace 🥺😌

nationality: american (derogatory)

fav song: idk man i really vibe with I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme) by John Rzeznik

last book i read: the tower of nero (dont kill me leaf)

top 3 fictional universes: in no particular order

-Neverland/Wonderland (put together simply bc they’re both part of disney franchise)

-narnia (bc fuck yeah i read the books, the horse and his boy was a personal favorite)

-teen wolf (but the one i created in my head thats just a bunch of found family stuff where the pack is fucking together and happy goddamn it JEFF WHAT THE FUCK YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE THEM HAPPY NOT GIVE THEM TRAUMA)

[circle-bircle]

YAY, so *deep breath* ill be going from chapter to chapter, if you dont mind:p bc i feel like it's going to get messy, if i try to talk about everything at the same time.

CHAPTER ONE - first of all, THE WAY YOU WRITE Y/N AS A CHARACTER???? im at a loss of words (in a positive manner ofc!!).

:::::::i have no idea whether its the fault of all those works of fiction that i had to force myself to read IN ORDER TO consume at least a bit of rare content for certain of my hyperfixations, but whenever I see a signs of ,,no, this character isn't going to start screaming and crying, generally making their situation worse, because of their stupid perception of having good luck on their side blah blah blah making even mOre stupid escape plan and then be mad when it unsurprisingly doesnt work out- like,,, yes, jennifer, you do have the absolute right to cope with such situation like that, but please just cease your noise for at least a second and use your brain!!" i buRST with happiness. i'll go more on about ,,why??" in the next rants, because ill kinda have more to go off from:3

also, the line "You should lie, but this man seems like someone who would trust you and your word until the day he dies",,,,,,circle,,,,,were you kinda fore-shadowing,,,,because now that i re-read it, it feels like what mateus kinda did til the very last chapter,,,,,,

nEXT, i adore the biting/feeding descriptions (as weird as that sounds-). it's just so,,, mateus-like, meaning GREEDY AF, rough, obnoxious and oh-so-abrupt (at least for y/n lol). i liked that a lot. and then,,, the atmosphere change, i felt as if those were the main indication of there being,,, a possibly,,, more-or-less romantic,,, relationship? if it's possible to call it that. ////:::well, mateus somewhat seems to believe, through most of the chapters, that it is a connection of this sort. bUt, the atmosphere changes - the way his expression softens, his tone of voice alternates when speaking to y/n, the small affection tokens (that kind of progress along with the story), the petnames?? spectacular.

last but not least for this chapter's coverage, i'm coming back for a second to y/n as the character - i loVe that she basically admits that she's treated,, more-or-less well in her predicament, the only thing bothering her being the lack of companionship and pure boredom //not a backstory of abuse, depression and dependancy that for reasons unexplained still want to make her come back to her own home, as it usually happens- bc as sad as it can sometimes get, its awfully repetitive, poorly executed and just plainly boring at times//. the line about how the escape could actually be awfully easy, due to mateus seemingly trusting her or just having a good excuse, in case if she was caught was a gReat addition, because,,,, it's really all it takes, doesn't it? the circumstances she found herself in are,,, well,, crazy??? so, it wouldn't hurt - that much - to at least hatch a bit lacking of details, a bit messy, but still better than just straight up spitting in the bastard man's eye and making a run for it RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND HIS SERVANT (i mean, leon DIDNT see us leave, he says to us,,, as we leave,,,but if mateus were there to witness that too,, he wouldnt do so, lets be honest)

(i am sO sorry if its too long aND messy, but i was writing it in the sprout of a moment and right after waking up!! chapter 2 will be a cleaner take,,, i think)

My reply will be under the read more. Because I don’t know how Tumblr cuts it off anymore and. I’m mildly courteous sometimes :P

As I wrote INI, I wanted two things the most:

1. Mateus is hot.

2. Y/N is a mildly normal person. 

I don’t know who is reading on the other side of the screen. I don’t know who doesn’t have a parent, who does, who was homeless and lived in a cardboard box out in the country for his/her life. While I did want it to read like a Wattpad fic (I Fall In Love With The Hot Vampire That Takes Me Captive!?!!!?111?) I also didn’t want Y/N to be absolutely stupid. Generalizing what a normal experience might be seemed to be the smartest thing to do.

While Leon is definitely more ‘human’ due to his circumstances, Mateus only wants loyalty and a ‘bloodbag’ he can keep. I didn’t see Y/N falling in love with either of them as I wrote. As the story progresses with her first escape attempt, I knew I wanted her to be a functioning member of society.

I also didn’t want it to be like, ‘oh Y/N got kicked out of her apartment and now she’s homeless and x, x, x, happened to her OHHH LOOK AT HER!!!1!’ that’s silly (even if it would be accurate to what it would be like if INI was taking place in the real world). I think the isolation would be the worst part of living with them, especially in the beginning - Y/N isn’t nocturnal, she doesn’t want to be there, she’s attempting to be as neutral as possible. But also it’s a reader-insert so what can you do? 

I feel like Mateus would be the nicest during feeding sessions. I mean, HE’S getting what are endorphins and nutrition from your blood. You’re weak from the draining and now you’re all sweet and pliant! He’d really enjoy that, and would especially enjoy confusing you and riling you when you can’t do anything <3 

I feel like I missed things to cover, but oh well? :p