#I DON’T trust serendipity. AT ALL. ZERO trust in chance. it gets me burned | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

void-tiger · 9 months ago

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Disability, cptsd, and adhd really has turned me into…egh. A planner. Not because I want to be. But because I either need to figure things out well ahead or I forget or avoid them, or because I can’t set them down mentally.

#tiger’s roar #…FUCK me for needing to lay down a few ground rules to stop obsessing Because Adhd Because Anxiety #because GUESS WHAT #my tendons aren’t stable. I KNOW one environment gets me disregulated so NO I DON’T want to only say ‘hi’ there #things WILL be busy. and it’s easier to go ‘hey does x day/time work’ WHEN RELEVANT #I DON’T trust serendipity. AT ALL. ZERO trust in chance. it gets me burned #and YEAH I DO have to plan That Much in Near Advance YES As Hypothericals #because I’m bloody disabled and I’ve been stressed about this for TWO YEARS ‘cause of a condition that just seems to be getting WORSE #and yeah it does affect. EVERYTHING. hobbies. classes. employment. self transportation. socializing. walking. HELL even singing #soooo Y E A H I D O need this laid out. as ‘just friends’#before things get chaotic. and it IS on my mind ‘cause know what?#I’m terrified I won’t be able to work out student aid and lodging and class schedule at all!!#so. yeah. just mentioning ‘hey so if/when’ to a friend…should…have been fine.#but no. apparently I bumped a sore spot. while trying to AVOID it while For Once speaking up about a general need that. y’know.#would affect that. anyway. I won’t bother again.#maybe that’s finally the last nail for me to just. MOVE ON.

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