#I DIDNT THINK IT WOULD BUT HERE I AM
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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nanihirunkits · 6 months ago
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WE ARE | EP11
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shiraoyagi · 7 months ago
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hot take ??
the only reason people say that "mafuyu and tsukasa have nothing in common" when presented with mafukasa parallels is because they equate mafuyu and tsukasa being similar to "tsukasa has depression" because the fandom equates mafuyu's personality to being depressed and nothing else.
it doesn't help that people (primarily younger people in the fandom) who DO believe in mafukasa parallels end up making the mistake of portraying tsukasa as depressed because as of right now he is not (although it's possible he was in past because of his Very Unclear Middle School Backstory but that's irrelevant)
anyways, mafuyu and tsukasa are narrative foils because their core personalities are built off of the concept of wanting to make the people around them— especially their families— happy.
they both developed personalities at a young age based on someone they looked up to. for tsukasa, it was seiichi amami's performance that inspired him to be a star— a hero that could cheer anyone up. for mafuyu, it was her mother taking care of her that inspired her to be a nurse— and you can see the similarities from there.
for mafuyu, her identity would first come into conflict when her mother expressed her want for mafuyu to be a doctor— suddenly, "everyone's" happiness didn't match what she wanted to do, leaving her in a state of disorder and eventual depression.
for tsukasa, his identity was something he nearly forgot in its entirety at the start of the main story— becoming arrogant and fully absorbed in a hero persona, forgetting the kind person he truly is. furthermore, his current character arc seems to be foreshadowing that what "being a star" to him is going to be called into question— maybe it is something more than just being the main character that saves everyone.
their insecurities are incredibly similar.
in mafuyu's first mixed, mafuyu feels insecure towards ichika because unlike ichika, she feels as if her lyrics have no genuine meaning to be expressed to other people— despite them being her very real feelings. this is brought up again in her second mixed as well.
in tsukasa's third focus event, something similar happens. when watching seiichi's performance, he thinks that his acting is "real" and feels inferior towards him, which is ironic because tsukasa has been method acting this whole time. when tsukasa is acting out rio or bartlett or really anyone at this point in the story, it's not just those characters— it's a reflection of his traumas.
just like mafuyu, tsukasa undermines his passions he's poured his feelings into because someone else's work is more genuine in his eyes.
now, then, foils have many similarities and parallels (and i could honestly list a lot more), but how i define them is that they usually have some kind of major branching difference that MAKES them foils.
for mafuyu and tsukasa it's pretty straightforward.
mafuyu's people pleasing behavior comes from external expectations and pressures— her mother's demands.
tsukasa's people pleasing behavior comes internally, from himself— if he can't meet his own standards, if he can't be the perfect big brother or the perfect star, then he is nothing.
and even then, there's some overlap.
tsukasa's behavior was indirectly encouraged by his mother praising him for being a "good big brother" over the phone instead of asking him if he was okay while home alone.
mafuyu's terrified to be herself around other people because she doesn't want to worry or bother them— she doesn't want to be a burden— and projects her mother's expectations onto them, not realizing that they would prefer the real mafuyu if they knew the truth.
and the concept of mafukasa being foils is most perfectly and blatantly portrayed in these two cards.
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mafuyu, the marionette, sitting limp on the floor— puppeteered by her mother's demands and donning a mask to hide her true self.
tsukasa, the jester, standing above everything else— puppeteering silenced plushies— his feelings. he's not being completely honest with himself, and he doesn't even realize it.
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mafuyu has cut her strings and ripped her mask in half. she has acknowledged her true feelings and expressed them to her mother, even if she had to run away in the end.
tsukasa has not yet cut his.
#project sekai#colorful stage#prsk#tsukasa tenma#mafuyu asahina#mafukasa#theres also obvious ones im sure you all know. like how theyre the sole sekai creators#or their designs paralleling eachother (color schemes of their eyes and hair)#or how theyre both connected to the moon and bunnies#and how theyre connected by a piano with a moon design thats only shown up in mafuyus 2nd mixed and tsukasas 2nd mixed... where they had#their first mixed events together#or how they both easily overwork theirselves#or how theyre almost always projecting onto other people as if their experiences are the norm#ex: tsukasa with rui in wonder halloween and mafuyu with niigo in main story#I CAN GO ON ABOUT THIS FOR HOURS AS YOU CAN SEE .#EDIT: HERES SOME MORE THAT I DIDNT REMEMBER AT 12 AM LAST NIGHT#theyre both connected to apples! points at tsukasa in fixer 2dmv and points at mafuyu2#literally all of their vocaloids parallel eachother.#wxs and n25 miku have a childlike sense of curiosity#wxs and n25 rin are based off someone that isnt them for the most part (saki and ena)#wxs and n25 len are both anxious and pessimistic (in island panic... wxs len has a conflicting pov from meiko and wants wxs to just stay in#the sekai instead of being stuck out on an island... which is kinda escapist as hell)#wxs and n25 meiluka have conflicts that are very similar. n25 meiluka represents mafuyus inner conflict between isolating herself and#helping everyone because she didnt know what would be better#and wxs meiluka is the conflict between tsukasas ambition and his fatigue#which is why wxs meiko always acts like wxs luka is a burden whenever she falls asleep— tsukasa himself wont rest#not when he thinks it will burden other people#and wxs and n25 kaito are both driving forces in tsukasa and mafuyu accepting their true feelings#(although tsukasa is kinda not where mafuyu is yet i think you get what i mean)#EDIT: 5/22/24 I CANT ADD ANYMORE TAGS FUCK
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bee-ina-boat · 1 month ago
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I have a vision
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cuteiemonster · 2 years ago
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HI. IM PLAYING CATCH UP 24 DAYS LATER DONT MIND ME HERMIT A DAY DAY 1 - ETHOSLAB
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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months ago
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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL#SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS#BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY#THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT#but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested#I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK#bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2#but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will#bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world#OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through#his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning#when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom#remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary#when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude#even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is#just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG#but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.
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dumbfucksystem · 12 days ago
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thinking about mafia shen family au. the system is fucking around with shen qingqius life again and is like yk what if ur not gonna tell your husband anything about yourself then ill force you to. have fun! :D
sqq doesn’t even have the time to think 'wtfff??' before Everything Happens. shen yuan’s soul gets shoved back into his original body just moments before he dies. in this version of the au he was choking on food, so he gets the lovely experience of having his airflow blocked again! lucky for him, the system dragged binghe along for the ride so he is saved before he dies again.
this route for mafia au means that the shen family never had to grieve shen yuan. im not sure how the Family reacts to their a-yuan suddenly having a very strong and intimidating significant other (boyfriend? husband?!??? wdym he got married without telling us!?!?) all of a sudden. does shen yuan come out to his family?? no, but also yes, but also not really. they knew he wasn't straight this entire time, so its more like they are coming out to him instead of the other way around. god knows they have bigger skeletons in their closets, they don't care if a twink is in there too.
there is less angst here, and it mostly centers around the comedic factor of shen yuan showing binghe around his house only for them to "stumble upon" an entire closet filled with guns..!?! shen yuan is just standing there in complete horror as binghe grabs a whole ass ar-15!?!?? hes looking at him with the most innocent eyes asking him what this strange metal object is. jesus fucking christ. his white lotus is holding a gun and now he has to explain gun control policies while his brain is leaking out of his ears. he opens his mouth right before an alarm starts blaring everywhere. he’s saved by the bell! except not really, because now six members of his Family are surrounding them and pointing several guns at binghe!!!!! what the actual fuck is going on here!!!!!! this is not how the 'meet the parents' arc is supposed to go!!
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xxplastic-cubexx · 24 days ago
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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mozzarellamint · 2 years ago
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stupid
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poplarbark · 11 days ago
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OH one of the people i met at college gave me one of the tails they dont wear anymore
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carbonbestgirl · 16 days ago
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been getting really into jin guangyao lately i think i’m a xiyao truther now 🙂‍↕️😭 the doomed lovers trope is tooooo goooddd
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gentil-minou · 1 year ago
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"This is more about your ego and pride than Palestine" No its about putting pressure on a party that is supporting genocide
It's about logic
Biden and the DNC would rather cause dissent and dissatisfaction within their own party rather than call for a ceasefire
They know they can get away with it because they're a better option than Trump, because they know they could murder babies in front of you and you'll still vote for them.
So why would they call for a ceasefire when they don't need to?
That's why putting the pressure on them, saying they won't get our vote or saying we are looking for other options is so important.
Because that's the only way they will change.
By saying "Vote Blue No Matter Who", you give him and the DNC permission to permit genocide despite the vast majority of public opinion. You say they can do whatever they want because you will vote for them anyways.
You tell them they don't need to do anything else. That in fact they can do whatever they want. You've shown them you are so terrified of your own government that you would rather lie down and let it walk all over you than put any pressure on them at all
They have a year to make a change. Biden could end this all tomorrow, but why would he when he has you doing his dirty work?
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cerealmonster15 · 2 months ago
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cheneige moment aka me trying to learn how 2 draw rsa students
#u can probs read better @ full screen image lol sowwy i cram a bunch of tiny things onto one canvas#twst#twisted wonderland#cheneige#neige leblanche#chenya#cereal tries to draw#marinating them in my mind i think theyd be a fun combo#also guest star vil and cater hanging out 😌#i also want to see more cater and chenya interactions but this aint about them [yet] [ill give chenya a caytober day later] [maybe neige to#maybe they can share a day lol we'll see#anyway didnt chenya and neige have like one(1) interaction in an event?? i feel like they did. or am imagining things.#am i mixing it up w/fanart??? i feel like theres one instance where neige and chenya were in a situation#and chenya was being a silly goober and neige was like chenya!! dont tease them!!!#but idr wtf was going on lol. i feel like it wouldve been glomas bc idr if theyre in any other events 2gether#ik chenyas at portfest but idr neige being there#well whether that was a real thing or not i do see it in my mind palace. they have that vibe TO ME!!!#chenya being a lil scamp and neige being like u are so fun but also u must be nice blease;#i love the comparisons of like. chenya to riddle + chenya to neige + cater to riddle#it's all connected... in my mind map.... similarities....#also trey is there. trey to chenya and cater as well LOL#anyway i love when rsa characters are on screen being like tralala teehee i love having a good time#and then a nrc character is clenching their fist like I WANT HIM DEAD#theyre so funny. why are they so dramatic. actually nvm hs rivalries are just like that#except usually both schools want blood so maybe rsa is the weirdo school here#the rain suddenly got really heavy while i was typing all this but then it chilled again#u know how it is w/a pre-hurricane#anyway i love that cater kinda knows chenya by extension of riddle and trey like he recognized him w/familiarity in the tea party or w/e#so i think it would be so funny if he was like wtf beyonce is dating my besties' bestie#tumblr cut off the rest of my tag rambling ig. SORRY.
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puppyeared · 2 years ago
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tw flashing images, implied death
please for the love of god reblog this, it took me 3 days
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reblog-house · 11 months ago
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I am so normal about Pearl and Scar I am so normal about Pearl and Scar I am so normal about Pearl and Scar I am so normal about Pearl and Scar I am so nor-
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acourtofquestions · 1 month ago
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 61
Chapter; Highlights (okay the entire chapter is a highlight)🤣
As requested @mysterylilycheeta I NEED TO SQUEAL IN WYVERN FANGIRL WITH YOU NOW CAUSE OH M GOODNESS THIS CHAPTER ON SO MANY LEVELS I JUST AHAKWIHUHFEJLZXBKEKA
Agony was a song in Lorcan's blood, his bones, his breath.
Every step of the horse, every leap she made over body and debris, sent it ringing afresh. There was no end, no mercy from it. It was all he could do to keep in the saddle, to cling to consciousness.
To keep his arm around Elide.
She had come for him. Had found him, somehow, on this endless battlefield.
His name on her lips had been a summons he could never deny, even when death had held him so gently, nestled beneath all those he'd felled, I, and waited for his last breaths.
And now, charging toward that too-distant keep, so far behind the droves of soldiers and riders racing for the gates, he wondered if these minutes would be his last. Her last.
She had come for him.
Lorcan managed to glance toward the dam on their right. Toward the ruk rider signaling that it was only a matter of minutes until it unleashed hell over the plain.
He didn't know how it had become weakened. Didn't care.
Still Elide kept urging the horse onward, kept them on as straight a path toward the distant keep as possible.
No ruk would come to sweep them up. No, his luck had been spent in surviving this long, in her finding him. His power would do nothing against that water.
The farthest lines of panicked soldiers appeared, and Farasha charged past them.
Elide let out a sob, and he followed the line of her sight.
To the keep gate, still open.
"Faster, Farasha!" She didn't hide the raw terror in her voice, the desperation.
Once the dam broke, it would take less than a minute for the tidal wave to reach them.
She had come for him. She had found him.
The world went quiet. The pain in his body faded into nothing. Into something secondary.
Lorcan slid his other arm around Elide, bringing his mouth close to her ear as he said, "You have to let me go."
Each word was gravelly, his voice strained nearly to the point of uselessness.
Elide didn't shift her focus from the keep ahead. "No."
That gentle quiet flowed around him, clearing the fog of pain and battle. "You have to. You have to, Elide. I'm too heavy-and without my weight, you might make it to the keep in time."
"No." The salt of her tears filled his nose.
Lorcan brushed his mouth over her damp cheek, ignoring the roaring pain in his body. The horse galloped and galloped, as if she might outrace death itself.
"I love you," he whispered in Elide's ear. "I have loved you from the moment you picked up that axe to slay the ilken." Her tears flowed past him in the wind. "And I will be with you ..." His voice broke, but he made himself say the words, the truth in his heart. "I will be with you always."
He was not frightened of what would come for him once he tumbled off the horse. He was not frightened at all, if it meant her reaching the keep.
So Lorcan kissed Elide's cheek again, allowed himself to breathe in her scent one last time. "I love you," he repeated, and began to withdraw his arms from around her waist.
Elide slapped a hand onto his forearm. Dug in her nails, right into his skin, fierce as any ruk.
"No."
There were no tears in her voice. Nothing but solid, unwavering steel.
"No," she said again. The voice of the Lady of Perranth.
Lorcan tried to move his arm, but her grip would not be dislodged.
If he tumbled off the horse, she would go with him.
Together. They would either outrun this or die together.
"Elide-"
But Elide slammed her heels into the horse's sides.
Slammed her heels into the dark flank and screamed, "FLY, FARASHA." She cracked the reins. "FLY, FLY, FLY!"
And gods help her, that horse did.
As if the god that had crafted her filled the mare's lungs with his own breath, Farasha gave a surge of speed.
Faster than the wind. Faster than death.
Farasha cleared the first of the fleeing Darghan cavalry. Passed desperate horses and riders at an all-out gallop for the gates.
Her mighty heart did not falter, even when Lorcan knew it was raging to the point of bursting.
Less than a mile stood between them and the keep.
But a thunderous, groaning crack cleaved the world, echoing off the lake, the mountains.
There was nothing he could do, nothing that brave, unfaltering horse could do, as the dam ruptured.
Rowan made himself stand there, to watch the last moments of the Lady of Perranth and his former commander. It was all he could offer: witnessing their deaths, so he might tell the story to those he encountered. So they would not be forgotten.
The roaring of the oncoming wave became deafening, even from miles away.
Still Elide and Lorcan raced, Farasha passing horse after horse after horse.
Even up here, would they escape the wave's reach? Rowan dared to survey the battlements, to assess if he needed to get the others, needed to get Aelin, to higher ground.
But Aelin was not at his side.
She was not on the battlement at all.
Rowan's heart halted. Simply stopped beating as a ruddy-brown ruk dropped from the skies, spearing for the center of the plain.
Arcas, Borte's ruk. A golden-haired woman dangling from his talons.
Aelin. Aelin was—
Arcas neared the earth, talons splaying.
Aelin hit the ground, rolling, rolling, until she uncoiled to her feet.
Right in the path of that wave.
"Oh gods," Fenrys breathed, seeing her, too.
They all saw her.
The queen on the plain.
The endless wall of water surging for her.
The keep stones began shuddering. Rowan threw out a hand to brace himself, fear like nothing he had known ripping through him as Aelin lifted her arms above her head.
A pillar of fire shot up around her, lifting her hair with it.
The wave roared and roared for her, for the army behind her.
The shaking in the keep was not from the wave.
It was not from that wall of water at all.
Cracks formed in the earth, splintering across it. Spiderwebbing from Aelin.
"The hot springs," Chaol breathed. "The valley floor is full of veins into the earth itself."
Into the burning heart of the world.
The keep shook, more violently this time.
The pillar of fire sucked back into Aelin.
She held out a hand before her, her fist closed.
As if it would halt the wave in its tracks.
He knew then. Either as her mate or carranam, he knew.
"Three months," Rowan breathed.
The others stilled.
"Three months," he said again, his knees wobbling. "She's been making the descent into her power for three months."
Every day she had been with Maeve, bound in iron, she had gone deeper. And she had not tapped too far into that power since they'd freed her because she had kept making the plunge.
To gather up the full might of her magic.
Not for the Lock, not for Erawan.
But for Maeve's death blow.
A few weeks of descent had taken her powers to devastating levels. Three months of it
Holy gods. Holy rutting gods.
And when her fire hit the wall of water now towering over her, when they collided —
"GET DOWN!" Rowan bellowed, over the screaming waters. "GET DOWN NOW!"
His companions dropped to the stones, any within earshot doing the same.
Rowan plummeted into his power. Plummeted into it fast and hard, ripping out any remaining shred of magic.
Elide and Lorcan were still too far from the gates. Thousands of soldiers were still too far from the gates as the wave crested above them.
As Aelin opened her hand toward it.
Fire erupted.
Cobalt fire. The raging soul of a flame.
A tidal wave of it.
Taller than the raging waters, it blasted from her, flaring wide.
The wave slammed into it. And where water met a wall of fire, where a thousand years of confinement met three months of it, the world exploded.
Blistering steam, capable of melting flesh from bone, shot across the plain.
With a roar, Rowan threw all that remained of his magic toward the onslaught of steam, a wall of wind that shoved it toward the lake, the mountains.
Still the waters came, breaking against the flames that did not so much as yield an inch.
Maeve's death blow. Spent here, to save the army that might mean Terrasen's salvation. To spare the lives on the plain.
Rowan gritted his teeth, panting against his fraying power. A burnout lurked, deadly close.
The raging wave threw itself over and over and over into the wall of flame.
Rowan didn't see if Elide and Lorcan made it into the keep. If the other soldiers and riders on the plain stopped to gape.
Princess Hasar said, rising beside him, "That power is no blessing."
"Tell that to your soldiers," Fenrys snarled, standing, too.
"I did not mean it that way," Hasar snipped, and awe was indeed stark on her face.
Rowan leaned against the battlements, panting hard as he fought to keep the lethal steam from flowing toward the army. As he cooled and sent it whisking away.
Solid hands slid under his arms, and then Fenrys and Gavriel were there, propping him up between them.
A minute passed. Then another.
The wave began to lower. Still the fire burned.
Rowan's head pounded, his mouth going dry.
Time slipped from him. A coppery tang filled his mouth.
The wave lowered farther, raging waters quieting. Then roaring turned to lapping, rapids into eddies.
Until the wall of flame began to lower, too. Tracking the waters down and down and down. Letting them seep into the cracks of the earth.
Rowan's knees buckled, but he held on to his magic long enough for the steam to lessen.
For it, too, to be calmed.
It filled the plain, turning the world into drifting mist. Blocking the view of the queen in its center.
Then silence. Utter silence.
Fire flickered through the mist, blue turning to gold and red. A muted, throbbing glow.
Rowan spat blood onto the battlement stones, his breath like shards of glass in his throat.
The glowing flames shrank, steam rippling past. Until there was only a slim pillar of fire, veiled in the mist-shrouded plain.
Not a pillar of fire.
But Aelin.
Glowing white-hot. As if she had given herself so wholly to the flame that she had become fire herself.
The Fire-Bringer someone whispered down the battlements.
The mist rippled and billowed, casting her into nothing but a glowing effigy.
The silence turned reverent.
A gentle wind from the north swept down. The veil of mist pulled back, and there she was.
She glowed from within. Glowed golden, tendrils of her hair floating on a phantom wind.
"Mala's Heir," Yrene breathed.
Down on the plain, Elide and Lorcan had halted.
The wind pushed away more of the drifting mist, clearing the land beyond Aelin.
And where that mighty, lethal wave had loomed, where death had charged toward them, nothing remained at all.
For three months, she had sung to the darkness and the flame, and they had sung back.
For three months, she had burrowed so deep inside her power that she had plundered undiscovered depths. While Maeve and Cairn had worked on her, she had delved. Never letting them know what she mined, what she gathered to her, day by day by day.
A death blow. One to wipe a dark queen from the earth forever.
She'd kept that power coiled in herself even after she'd been freed from the irons. Had struggled to keep it down these weeks, the strain enormous. Some days, it had been easier to barely speak. Some days, swaggering arrogance had been her key to ignoring it.
Yet when she had seen that wave, when she had seen Elide and Lorcan choosing death together, when she had seen the army that might save Terrasen, she'd known. She'd felt the fire sleeping under this city, and knew they had come here for a reason.
She had come here for this reason.
A river still flowed from the dam, harmless and small, wending toward the lake.
Nothing more.
Aelin lifted a glowing hand before her as blessed, cooling emptiness filled her at last.
Slowly, starting from her fingertips, the glow faded.
As if she were forged anew, forged back into her body.
Back into Aelin.
Clarity, sharp and crystal clear, filled its wake. As if she could see again, breathe again.
Inch by inch, the golden glow faded into skin and bone. Into a woman once more.
Already, a white-tailed hawk launched skyward.
But as the last of the glow faded, disappearing out through her toes, Aelin fell to her knees.
Fell to her knees in the utter silence of the world, and curled onto her side.
She had the vague sense of strong, familiar arms scooping her up. Of being carried onto a broad feathery back, still in those arms.
Of soaring through the skies, the last of the mist rippling away into the afternoon sun.
And then sweet darkness.
#Chapter 61#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#Elorcan#Aelin Galathynius#Chaol Westfall#Rowan Whitethorn#Fenrys Moonbeam#Gavriel#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 61 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#Agony was in his very blood-Summons-She had come for him-Let go.No.Always?-She came this far-THANK YOU ELIDE-The voice of Perranth#My lady-Together till the end-if only the horse could Fly-A prayer-Made himself watch-But Aelin-hell yes-So he might tell the story#Not forgotten-For her friends-To get Aelin-Where was she?MY HEART-The shaking was her-The springs-He knew-Three months#Every single day-But for Maeve’s meant for Maeve-she knew he’d know-his power the counteracting-GET FUCKING DOWN-She had not given up#A thousand years for here months endured & one moment-Spent here-To save them-Burnout or Blessing-UTTER Awe-A miracle#A curse to enemies-All of them really-she drained the bank & there he was-THE FIRE BRINGER-glowing blinding white out for the world#she became the flame-Master of death-heir of Fire-Nothing remained-That’s what was eating her alive-Its grief but more-she was still—#capturing flame-She didnt want2lose it either-It was all of it-But also Aelin had a plan-be glad4it-They would save them she didnt need it#Back to Aelin-She began fighting-Quiet-Fell to what he knows-Sweet darkness-the power dive#No.#You know it’s bad when Rowan’s prayingWhen even Yrene is praying but not save to give peace&painless ends but Aelin’s off to save the day#Not for the Lock not for Erawan. But for Maeve's death blow. & now to save Elide; Marion would be proud#the way he’s thinking about I’ve gotta get Aelin out of here#Into the burning heart of the world. — the world shuddered#Aelin I am a god Galathyniu​s-The raging soul of a flame-thats her-shed made the final descent right then for Elide-Rowan plummeted for her#Spent here to save the army that might mean Terrasens salvation-not2kill2spareNoblessinNocurseMiracleWomanA war won-friends held him up#One hell of a rumor-Gentle from the north-Malas Heir-she had sung to the darkness&flame&they had sung backthe same story#GETDOWN.Back into Aelin he was there there how did he get there so fast?sweet darkness 1 last time
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